MSA VP Improperly Allocates Funds $500 Transferred Without Assembly Approval

BY GEOFF BROWN

T HE MICHIGAN STUDENT Assembly (MSA) receives about $250,000 in student

fees, $90,000 of which is designated for allocation to student groups. The MSA Constitution specifies that all student group funding must be ap­proved by the entire assembly. How­ever, during the MSA meeting on January 28, 1997, it was revealed that $500 was inappropriately allo­cated to the United Asian American Organization (UAAO), an umbrella organization for Asian American stu­dent groups .

This inconsistency was revealed by MSA Representative Andy Schor during the aforementioned MSA meeting. MSA Vice President Probir Mehta, in his report to the Assembly, reportedly admitted to having autho­rized the transfer without the vote of MSA in contravention of the AU-Cam­pus Constitution of MSA. According to a statement made by Mehta at his report, the transfer followed repeated appeals from UAAO, and was autho­rized by him during the summer, when there were not enough Assembly mem­bers in Ann Arbor to meet quorum for a vote. Despite the fact that the MSA Constitution does not allow such an action by any member of MSA, the Assembly has not yet taken any ac­tion against Mehta for the transfer.

Mehta, who is now a member of the UAAO, acknowledged to the Re­uiew that he did indeed authorize the transfer of funds at the behest ofMSA President Fiona Rose . Rose could not be reached for commen t. He explained that the UAAO had on several occa­sions during the summer appealed to MSA for funds for the AP A Games, but due to a lack of quorum, the As­sembly could not approve the request.

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Finally, Mehta stated, Rose and other MSA executive officers agreed to allocate the money to UAAO, without a vote of the Assembly, despite the fact that the Consti­tution of MSA does not allow for such activity. Ac­cording to Mehta, Rose. then instructed him to sign the transfer offunds order upon his return from Washington, DC, where he had spent the majority of the summer. Mehta felt that although his declsion vio­lated MSA funding procedures, the activity being funded was a "legiti­mate student activity" that deserved funding.

"I believe it was good governance," Mehta said regarding his actions. "Ev_ eryone complains about the bureau­cracy of MSA, and we felt it would he good to go the extra mile and help student groups."

In addition, Mehta admitted that no grant agreement had been signed by UAAO. MSA's by-laws strictly re­quire this agreement be completed by each organization that receives funds from MSA. Mehta explained that he was unfamiliar with the proper pro­cedures offund transfers due to inex­perience, despite having been elected Vice President of MSA nearly five months prior to the transfer, and hav­ing been an assembly member for nearly two years prior to that. He also reiterated that the mistake was made, but, in his opinion, was explained by the lack of MSA representation dur-

ing the summer session, and his own approval, Mehta replied that he "for­got" to do so. He further stated that he and Rose had had the "proper inten­tions" in making the decision to allo­cate the funds without proper ap­proval, and that the action was an .. attempt to "reach out" to student groups.

Schor, an LSArepresentative, told the Review that he was "disturbed" by the violation of rules. He and several other MSA representatives feel that this matter is not being given the attention that it deserves within the Assembly, and that Mehta is improp­erly attempting to downplay the mag­nitude of his actions. They also feel that Mehta is attempting to sidestep

_ .. -racing any sort of consequences for his removal from the situation havIng admitted violation of MSArules. been out of town for the entire. SUID- Presently, not much attention is mer. being given to this matter by MSA.

However, a copy of the fund trans- Schor and others in MSA are attempt-fer form, obtained from MSA mem- ing to convene an investigative com-bers speaking to the Review on the mittee to examine the matter more condition of anonymity, shows that carefully. If such a committee is con-Mehta signed the transfer on Sep- vened and finds Mehta guilty of any tember 5, 1996, two days after the wrongdoing, it could then recommend first MSA meeting of fall term. This punishment ranging from reprimand meeting, according to MSA's minutes, to censure, or recall, and it could re-did indeed have sufficient members quire Mehta to repay the $500 to present to meet quorum. According to MSA. At the time of printing, the Schor and other MSArepresentatives, outcome of Schor's attempts had not while not encouraged, it is not un- been determined. However, he feels usualfor MSAmembers to seek retro- that the Assembly should not con-active approval for fund transfers done Mehta's actions. made without prior Assembly vote. "People need to follow the rUles ," However, Mehta did not request such Schor said, "or face the conse-approval, and indeed signed the trans- quences." Mt fer order two days r-------- - ----- --- ---- --,

;:{rpl:c:~~~~For ·· rnore on MSA'sFimding ~hich he could eas-prac~ices, See . our editorial on lly have sought .... ...... ..... . •. . . . such approval. .. page4, .llDdGeoff's commen-

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3 Letters to the Editor 4 From Suite

One 5 From Exile in Nicaragua

12 Columns 14 LIVING CULTURE

A member of NWROC re­sponds to "NWROC Un­masked ."

A call for better funding practices in MSA, and commentary on the state of "diversity" at the U-M. .

Clinton c~ntribution contro­versy and Food Lion Fact­finding fraud.

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Geoff defends his loyal "bonehead" staffers while Ben goes on a rampage at the Left and the Right.

Book reviews, movie reviews, and that wacky Dennis Rodman.

2 THE MiCHIGAN REVIEW

o FROM THE EDITOR~,

GREETINGS! WELCOME TO another issue of the Review. We've got a lot in store for you

this issue, from campus commentar­ies to investigative reporting to satire (and lots of it!). We also take a close look at the activities of the Michigan Student Assembly (MSA), and we think you should, too. After all, they spend $250,000 of our money, and represent our in terests to the Regents and the Administration. We also have some great film, movie, and music reviews, and commentary on crucial

• national affairs. We think we have a pretty good

thing going on here, but we can al­ways improve it. There are two ways we can accomplish that: (1) get new staffers, and (2) get feedback from our readers. But to accomplish both of these tasks, we need your help.

If you are interested in reporting on campus events or writing essays about campus issues, we are espe­cially in need of your talents. We also need help with the business staff -

it's a great resume builder for you prospective business school students, and you can earn commission for sell­ing ads. And we can use writers of all kinds, including opinion, national af­fairs, arts reviews, poetry, and just about anything else. Obviously, as a moderately conservative and civil lib­ertarian journal, we look for people who share our views, but we also want a diversity of viewpoints, so we welcome people of differing opinions as well. Just corne by one of our staff meetings at 7 PM in Room 32 in the basement of the Perry Building, or give me a call at 662-1909.

Even if you do not join the staff, we still could use your help! Write us a letter and tell us.what you think of us, good or bad. It's easy, just send email to mreV@Umich.edu with "Let­ter to the Editor" as the subject; of course, you can still use the US Mail or campus mail, too. We really want to know how we can serve you better. Also, if you like what we have to say, spread the word! Tell your friends

iOROVING PHOTOGRAPHER

and family about us. Bring an issue horne to share with your roommates and friends.

I hope you enjoy this issue of the Review. Be sure to let us know what you think.. You can reach us by email at mrev®umich.edu and via US Mail at 911 N. University Suite One, Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265. You can also use campus mail; the address is : Michigan Review, Michigan League Suite One, Campus ZIP 1265. Better yet, corne by one of our meetings, and join in the fun!

Sincerely,

Geoff Brown Editor-in-Chief

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by Reah Johnson

What do you want for Valentine's Day?

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.. Ric.~ l\owal L.s.A. Freshman "Your lnanta."

Caroline Kiztin L.S.A. Sophomore "Your daddy."

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Dhani Jones RC Freshman "The back of my knees licked."

Timmy Atler L.S.A. Dropout "This Valentine's I want a candy heart that doesn't say, 'You're a fucking loser.' "

February 5,1997

THE MICHIGAN REVIE\V

The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan

'How the hell do you forget $5OO?!?"

EDITORIAL BOARD

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: PUBLISHER: MANAGING EDITOR: NATIONAL AFFAIRS EDITOR: ARTS EDITOR:

Geoff Brown Lisa Wagner Benjamin Kepple Matthew Buckley Tom Jolliffe

EDITORIAL STAFF

ASSISTANT EDITOR: CONTRIBUTING EDITOR: MUSIC EDITOR: PHOTO EDITOR: EDITOR EMERITUS: ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR:

Lee Bockhom Pat Eskew Chris Hayes Reah Johnson Mohan Krishnan Captain Morgan

STAFF WRITERS: Kristina Curkovic, Simon Einspahr, Calvin Hwang, Matthew Jakubowski, Elizabeth Keslacy, Nora Obringer, Charles Ottman, Drew Peters, Maureen Sirhal, Jamie Smith, Adam Starr, Daniel Succarde, Nate Teismann,Josh Trapani, Miranda West, Curtis Zimmermann.

EDITOR EMERITUS: James A. Roberts, II EDITOR-AT-LARGE: Geraldo Armando-Ruiz

BUSINESS STAFF

PUBLISHER & BUS. MGR.: Lisa Wagner

STAFF: Joe Lester, Scott Russel, Josh Stem

The Michigan Reviewis an independent student-run jour· nal of moderately conservative and eivillibel1arian opinion at the University of Michigan. We neither solicit nor accept monetary donations from the u-M, and have no respectfor anyone who does. As a Public Service, the next sentence will be bilingually presented in both English and Ebonies. By the way, contributions to the Michigan Review are tax­deductible under Section 501 (e)(3) of the Intemal Rev­enue Code. (TRANSLATION: "Yo, if you give us some of yo' cash, you won't hafta give so much to The Man, blatehl").The Review is not affiliated with any political party or university politicat group.

Unsigned edttorials represent the opinion of the editorial board. Ergo, they are unequivocably correct and just. Signed articles, letters, and cartoons represent the opin­ions of the author and not necessarily those of the Review. The opinions presented in this publication are not neces­sarily those of the advertisers or of the University of Michigan. We welcome letters, articles, and comments about the journal, as well as burgers from Blimpy Burger (pre!. quintw/cheddar, bacon, onions, mushrooms, ketchup, mustard, mayo, and pickles on an onion roll, please).

Please address all advertising and subscription inquiries to: Publisher c/o the Michigan Review.

Editorial And Business Offices: 911 N. University Avenue, Suite One

Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265 EMAIL: MREV@umich.edu

Tel. (313) 662-1909 Fax (313) 936-2505

Copyright C 1996. by The Michigan R ...... Inc. All rights reserved.

The IIlchIgan Rev"" I •• mtmber oIlho eo .... _",k.

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The Michigan Review Letters to the Editor

911 N. University Ave. Suite One

Ann Arbor, MI48109

or email with subject "Letters to the Editor": mrev@umich.edu

February 5, 1997 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW 3

" ~"

o SERPENT'S TOOTlt

Revealing once again how out of touch the liberal media is, aN ational Public Radio movie reviewer, in discussing the new art film, Gridlock'd, predicted its failure because "white art-fIlm audiences will be scared away by Tupac, and there really is no black art-film audience." Analysts working for Gridlock'd producers disagreed, pointing out that "anyone who would buy a record album called 'the Don Killuminati ' is as artsy-fartsy as pos­sible."

A man was recently arrested for cre­ating a disturbance at the local McDonald's. According to the Daily's Crime Notes, he "had apparently gone to McDonald 's to 'blow off steam' and accidentally broke a window." What will the police report look like'? "It seems the police officers who re­sponded needed to 'ease their anxiety' and accidentally beat the guy into a bloody pulp."

Recently, Serpents'Tooth was present

at an NWROC meeting. The NWROC comrades discussed revolution, patri­archy, and oppression in the Tap Room of the Union even though they were chowing down on imperialist, oppres­sive Wendy's bourgeoisie burgers. Later, they left their garbage strewn around the area for the proletariat to clean up.

After the expulsion of ajuror from the O.J. Simpson trial, JudgelExecutive Producer Fujisaki, worried that the case would "unravel," ordered the re­mainingjurors tc! avoid the newsmedia and screen their calls and faxes dur­ing deliberations. Furthermore, Fujisaki ordered that, should the trial be forced to begin again, telecasts of the hial be moved to the Fox network, in order to "boost ratings," and that a new prototype Foxtrax device be in­stalled, which would highlight law­yers' gesticulations with a blue dot, changing into a red blur whenever an action costs the American taxpayers more than $1 million.

o LEITER To THE EDITOR

T o THE EDITOR, This is in response to

. Maureen Sirhal's Article on "NWROC Unmasked." (page 6, Jan, 22, 1997 - Ed.) I am an NWROC memberwe (sic) are quite upset at the fact that she didn't the facts straight at all, nor did she ask any of us any questions in relation to her article.

She said there were "227 pro­testors." Right there she is wrong. (sic) There were 227 police officers, there over (sic) 500 protestors. Rac­ism, Sexism and bigotry (sic) go on all over the place. Even with the home­less for which I myself am. (sic) Open your eyes and look around you more often. Those people at the Dental School were wrongfully fIred. The June 22nd KKK rally has alot (sic) to do with what we are striving for, and that is that there is a alot (sic) of racism, Sexism, Bigotry, and police harassment (sic) going on in this city. If you need detailed facts go chack (sic) my web page at http://- . m em bers. tripod. coml - Bevins_III index.html. There in my web site tells you exactly what is going on. (sic) we do believe in an mass militant inte­grated movement. What's wrong with that? Not a thing.

In this article you have knocked

the poor, the poor can do alot (sic) for themsleves (sic). Open your capitalist eyes, and look around if (sic) there was no police harassment Malice Green would not be dead, the KKK would have never stepped a foot in Ann Arbor, instead people like you support them, and that is where you go wrong. We are trying to make a change in the government. But it takes a strong movement to do so.

Until you start getting your facts straight. (sic) Don't print what you don't know or understand. We are taking a stand against the injustices of this world. Whether it be'abortion or the armory for the homeless if people didn't believe in the causes, they wouldn't be supporting us in our movements. We have done nothing

·wrong, we are standiD.g together to fight for what we believe in. Our hearts our (sic)in this together. Y oujust can't see what I and many others around us see. We have done alot. (sic) and we will keep it fighting (sic) BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

Thank you,

Terry Beuinll II Ann Arbor, Michigan

' ..... -.--"---.---...~-.- ... , ................ ~~ ..... .......-..

On Groundhog's Day, the famous "seer of seers," Punxsutawney Phil, report­edly predicted an early spring. Fear­ing optimism among voters, Clinton aides promptly passed Phil a twenty to "stir things up a bit."

A recent letter to the Daily complained that the new Hill-area dining hall would ''lack community atmosphere." Apparently there's a difference be­tween being beset upon by rude, loud freshmen eating Fruit Loops and spill­ing soda, and being beset upon by rude, loud freshmen who also listen to Dave Matthews at maximum volume on their stereo in your hall before coming to Sunday brunch.

Recently, President Clinton re­sponded to charges that one could buy the ear of the President if he made a sizable donation by saying that "it merely ensured their ideas would be

they can "ensure your ideas will be heard" if given a pager or $125.

Daily Editorial columnist Adrienne Janney wrote in her farewell blurb on January 31st that "Michigan Student Assembly President Fiona Rose tried to strangle my co-editor for what we wrote about her." While Zack Raimi, Daily Editorial Page editor is still around, theReview Editorial Board is taking no chances, and are fleeing to the Caribbean.

MSA Veep Probir Mehta stated in the February 4th edition of That Small Third Paper on Campus that "Office space is a privelige, not a right." Given the performance of Mehta in particu­lar, and MSAin general, hell, why not turn the MSA office into student of-fices? You could fit at least two dozen groups in there.

heard." In related campus news, MSA Read the Review. If people leave or President Fiona Rose and VP Probir _~get promoted, you'll find out -in the Mehta assured student leadersthaf~ staff box, where it belongs.

Are you an angry lVlSA representative, College He­publican, N\VHOC member, or sOluewhat outraged reader who saw something in the Review that just makes you nauseous and turn purple with anger?

OJ' do you think that the Revie\v is the best thing since canned beer? Or did you just see some­thing you lil{e?

We \vant and need your feedback! Spout off!

\Vritl' to u:-; at Illl'eV@Ulllich.edu. or at The Michi­g'anHp\'i..-\\· 1 . l'tll'rtlltl)/'Frlil()I' . ~)11 N ( Tnivp,· . ..;it\'.

~lIttl ' ()I1l'. Ann Arbo)', ,\ltcillgall. ·tKlm) . \Vl"d lO\"l' to Iwar .\·OUI" input. Ld u:-; kno\\' how \\'c're doing. Don't forget to put "LETTER TO THE EDITOR" in the subject line of your e-mail or letter.

LOVE US OR HATE US, WRITE THE REVIEW.

-~~~'o:.:·.";'w._. _._-- .. .. _ { . ' 1 _' -li!rm§ sa

4 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW February 5, 1997

o FROM SUITE ONE

MSA Needs to Reform Budget

T HE MICHIGAN STUDENT ASSEMBLY (MSA) RECENTLY completed its Fall 1996 financial report. While there are some commendable improvements in MSA's budget for this year, most

notably an increase in the amount of money available for student group funding, there are also several questionable expenditures present in the report.

MSA receives a total of nearly $250,000 annually for its budget. This money is almost exclusively provided by student fees . While it is understandable that MSA needs a certain amount to maintain its internal operations, too much money is being allocated for this purpose. Student interests on campus would be better served if the following guidelines were met:

• INCREASED STUDENT GROUP FUNDING. While MSAhas made great strides in increasing student funding , earmarking $90,000 for that task, more needs to be made available . Student groups offer students opportunities to gain valuable leadership experience, meet new friends, and, experience a more diverse range of ideas and people than they may ever have encountered before. In many cases, MSA funding is a group's main or only source of funds for its activities and projects.

• CLOSER ADHERENCE TO FUNDING RULES AND PROCEDURES. Recently MSA Vice President Probir Mehta allocated $500 of MSA student group funds to a student organization without a vote ofthe Assembly, in direct violation of MSA's own Constitution. Care needs to be taken to prevent MSA officers from funneling student funds into pet projects without Assembly approval.

• MORE PRUDENT EXPENDITURE OF INTERNAL OPERATING FUNDS. This is especially vital. MSA needs to take greater care in the expenditures it makes during the year. Many savings could be made in the budget that could then be passed along to student groups. Last tenn, MSAmade some questionable expenditures. Chief among them was the purchase of pagers for MSA President Fiona Rose and Mehta with Assembly funds. When this expenditure was discovered by the Assembly, Rose reportedly explained that the pagers were for A$sembly business and for constituent contact. However, since few constituents were provided with the pager number, and most MSA members were not even aware that Rose and Mehta owned them, it is difficult to see where this purchase benefited the student body. Other questionable expenditures include travel expenses for lobbying purposes, and a host of expenditures simply designated as "supplies." More careful accounting needs to be done, and made available to the general public.

The main improvement that needs to be made, however, is the third one: MSA simply needs to be spending its money more wisely. Lobbying trips made by MSA members are of questionable value to the student body at large. MSA has yet to learn how to manage its affairs on campus - attendance at elections is horrendously low, the administration and the Board of Regents do not take MSA opinions and efforts seriously, and the average student is kept in the dark about the vast majority ofMSA's activities. MSA needs to get its local affairs in order before branching out beyond campus. If the administration and the Regents do not take MSA seriously, why would a member of Congress be any more receptive? .

Furthermore, executive officers need to exercise more discretion over how they spend Assembly funds. Items that are largely used for personal purposes should not be purchased with Assembly money. Unnecessary office supply purchases need to be curtailed.

Accountability is also an important issue. MSA does not seem to feel that it is accountable to the student body for its actions. Detailed reports,concerning their finances should be made available to whomever wishes to see them. This could easily be accomplished using the MSA World Wide Web (WWW) Home Page. More explanation needs to be given as to exactly what items are being purchased with student funds, and for what reason. MSA's fall financial report is frightfully vague in many instances as to what items were purchased. The potential for abuse is disturbingly high - indeed, improper purchases could very easily be hidden in a sea of vague accounting.

MSA exists to serve student interests. However, there is a lingering impression that MSA exists to serve its members. By spending more money on student groups, and less money on frills for MSA members, MSA can ensure that it exists for the benefit of the entire student body. Ml

o COMMENTARY

WH~T2; A PYfAW 6e~iME? \ ~------.... " - 1\\«<$ ~;oMw£ ~ . ttW~~~Of~t.S "{O Poo\,.. -rn~R ~~'( W\~ ~fb~c*A~Re~: ~~\.L,{W ~i I~~?~ G~~ED!

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I

MLK Protest Counterproductive

T HE NOW-FAMOUS "DAY WITHOUT DIVERSITY" PROTEST, undertaken by students to make strong and clear points about racial relations, certainlv accol}1pliSried that goaL However, it made little

sense for the protestors to make their point in such an extreme manner. By protesting in the way they did, they made the mistake of marginalizing their cause. A protest with merit (e.g. the Code) will generally gain widespread student support; a protest without merit (e.g. NWROC and the Dental School) will not. But why were they protesting, and why did the vast majority of students on campus simply ignore them?

To this observer, they made two things clear. One, they felt that aside from the one day of the year (Martin Luther King Day) when a small fraction ofthe campus and populace are actually engaged in discussing racial relations , not enough progress is made. Secondly, by wearing all black clothing and gagging themselves with white gags, the protestors wanted to symbolize that without diversity on campus minority voices would be silenced by whites .

Whether one agrees or not with the general principles of the protestors' argument, it made no sense whatsoever to not only exclude whites ("non­persons-of-color") from active participation b.ut to generally use such negative connotations that most students either ignored the protest completely, or even reacted negatively in the cynical, hard-bitten way that many disillusioned students have garnered as a result ofmany such protests where they do not feel they can be a part of it, where they do not feel welcome, even though they want to help or in other ways support the cause. What good does it do if your main target audience - students on campus - largely ignore your protest? '\That self-serving interest can one gain by offending many on campus?

Many acts carried out in the same spirit have generally received the same reaction from a vast majority of the campus, and in doing so achieve the exact opposite ofthe desired result. For example, this past April the Michigan Daily was stolen, or as the thieves proclaimed, "cancelled due to racism" - putting a gag on the Daily . What good does such an action do? The actions of a few again annoyed most of campus and set back the progress we've made on the racial relations front. Regardless of the Daily's editorial page viewpoints , it ca.n be greatly argued that the "Day Without Diversity" protest had a similar effect on campus by excluding whites and focusing upon a problem in a negative way, instead of acting in a positive manner.

Instead of excluding whites from protests and engaging in purely ideological argument, it would be wiser for these protestors to attempt to educate campus in a positive way. Such actions as the "Day Without Diversity" protest, while well-meaning and done to make a point, merely serve to drive campus apart instead of bringing the campus together. Bringing campus together is what we are all striving for - and we must work so that our actions reflect an understanding of this principle. l\R - Benjamin Kepple

4Q . . __ . ~~;:-,..::;:;::;;:;:=;;;;;,.::.:..w".:~~;;;:;;:;;;;;;.;.:;;;.~ .. ~~.u1~""' __ '" ___ ......... ___ ... ________ _

February 5, 1997 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW 5

~.

o COMMENTARY

Primetime Live Unjustified

T WO WEEKS AGO ANORTH CAROUNAJURYFOUNDABC LIABLE for $5.5 million in punitive damages for what amounted to fraud in a 1992 broadcast of Primetime Live that accused the Food Lion

supermarket chain of selling tainted and spoiled food. The show's producers falsified resumes to obtain jobs at Food Lion stores, in order to use hidden cameras to catch workers "prettying up" tainted meat for sale.

In reaction to the verdict, the network news shows brought on their "in house" media analysts to decry the decision as a "dangerous precedent" that undermined investigative journalism and the public's right to know. Bill Jeffries, ABC's lawyer, said that the Primetime folks were being punished "for being journalists."

This is nonsense. Journalists often wonder why many ~ericans consider them to be untrustworthy or biased, and this "holier-than-thou" attitude is a major reason. In this case, they apparently believe that bringing us the news is so important that deceit and lawbreaking are justified in order to get a &tory. This ends-justify-the-means attitude is a dangerous one. In a democratic society governed by laws, nothing, not even tne "sacred" cause of reporting the news, is important enough to allow the law to be sneered at. We accept this line of thinking at our own peril, for once we begin to accept this type of behavior by the media, what's to prevent someone from saying, for instance, "There's nothing more important than getting criminals off the streets, so let's forget about due process and round 'em up .. . ?"

The news community also points to the fact that Food Lion did, indeed, sell tainted food; the lawsuit did not ;hallenge the content of the report, merely the methods used by ABC. Indeed, journalists do playa useful role in our society by bringing things like this to light. Still, deceit does not justify more deceit. ABC could have done a devastating report on Food Lion without all the hidden camera chicanery. Prime time anchor Diane Sawyer said that 70 current and former employees ot the chain had attested to unhealthful food-handling practices during on-the-record interviews with the show's researchers. However, this wasn't racy enough to attract the viewership that Prime time expects. TV news magazine shows like Prime time Live and Dateline are not merely news shows; they are entertainment shows as well, driven by profit, and they need viewers just as much as Seinfeld or Home Improvement or any other network show. Unfortunately this has led to the use of tactics once reserved to tabloid journalists to get a story.

The news media could not have chosen a better way to reveal its collective arrogance than its reaction to the North Carolina jury's verdict. However, they must understand that this type of behavior used to report a stOry is not only wrong, it undermines their own credibility as reporters. We can only hope that the verdict, which was the correct one, sends a clear message to journalists that in performing their "noble" task of muckraking for the news, they don't become part of the muck themselves. Ml -':""Lee Bockham

~ . . ... ~ ... .. ... ~ • • .. • J •

o FROM EXILE IN NICARAGUA

"Anything for Money ... " PRESIDENT CUNTON MUST KICK HIMSELF EVERY TIME HE

. remembers his pledge to oversee the most ethical administration in American history. Already strained by scandal, Clinton now faces

allegations of ethics violations involving fund-raising efforts. Clinton's behavior is unacceptable and should spur efforts to reform the campaign-finance system.

Issues of impropriety began during the election, when Clinton was accused of soliciting contributions from Indonesian firms with interests in U.S. trade policy. Recently, documents revealed that Clinton attended over seventy breakfast meetings with prominent contributors during his re-election campaign, with prominent Democrat fund-raisers conveniently present as well. Both domestic and foreign money entered the campaign through these and other meetings.

The impact extends beyond Clinton to people throughout the administration, including potential Cabinet nominees. A May 1996 meeting between Democratic National Committee fund-raisers and members of the banking community raised $300,000 for the DNC coffers - perhaps related to the fact that the Comptroller of the Currency was present. Alexis Herman, Clinton's selection. for labor secretary, was under fire last ,weekend for her role in inviting the regulator to the meeting. Transportation secretary nominee Rodney Slater also finds himself in trouble over related matters . Press secretary Mike McCurry is taking heat for relaying misleading information to press sources regarding the incidents. .

The President claims that the money only ensured donors "a respectful hearing if they have some concern about the issues ... but nobody buys a guaranteed result, nor should they ever." This explanation is asinine and transparent. The idea that a person's money should ensure that their view gets heard is preposterous. Bill Clinton is an intelligent man with amazing political savvy; the idea that it should take money to make him aware of a particular position on an issue is ludicrous. ~issue is particularly disturbing given the nature of some of the donations. Notable invites included a white-collar crook who was seeking a pardon, and a convicted drug dealer.

Also worrisome is that representatives from several foreign countries were donating as well. Perhaps Clinton's claim of ensuring adequate representation may have some surface appeal if domestic concerns were being represented. The fact that much of this was done with an eye on interests not attached to the nation's electorate makes Clinton's claim absurd. Clinton has no responsibility to represent these foreign interests, and taking money to ensure some form of representation for them does not have any sort of ethical underpinning.

Michael Kinsley of Slate magazine recently noted that the real scandals in politics concern illegal conduct. In this case, it appears no actual laws may have been broken. For all the wrangling over coffee-sipping with the President, nobody claims that serious legal violations occurred. Seeking vast amounts of money from foreign firms, or from businessmen in leisurely meetings with their own regulators is apparently only unethical, not illegal.

Ai; one may expect, partisan politics will playa role in the coming months . The Senate Ethics Committee recently appropriated money to look into the continuing revelations; Senate Democrats, predictably, are balking. Under the leadership of Sen. John Glenn CD-OH), they demand a broader investigation into Republican campaign-finance problems. Even with the Senate in GOP hands, a filibuster could kill chances of a thorough investigation. While saving Clinton, this would certainly inflame the American public and enhance negative views of party politics as usual in Washington.

Republicans should be very careful about crowing too much at Clinton's .plight. It was not long ago that President Clinton and Speaker Gingrich promised a panel on campaign-finance reform, a priority for the American public for years. Since then, nothing has been done to change the voracious appetite for fund':"'raising money. That, mixed with the lax ethical s-.tandards of this Administration, is responsible for this mess.

Much has been made of the fact that Clinton appears to live through scandal untouched. Perhaps these indiscretions in fund-raising activity will also go unnoticed. However, this money goes into political advertising, which goes directly into our political process. Sleazy antics like those alleged of the President impugn the integrity of our political system, one that has plenty of other troubles. The perception that influence has been peddled, that money was perhaps traded for favors, and that political service may be for sale is devastating to a system of . politics. Clinton and his cohorts at the Democratic National Committee have done themselves, their offices, and their country a grave disservice. Citizens should not take these matters lightly. Ml

. "t, r, 1\,-: 'l /t:' f')': ' J::. :.; ~ ..,J" >- ~ :: ~ I ; ;, J ; , ~ • . ~ . '. L~: j ' ; ~l ...

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6 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o CAMJ>USCOMMEI¢fARY " ' " .... .' ... . MeQta.···.M~st }~~~~.· .. ·C..9Ilsequence~

. amount of his personal time to the' Mehta hasfte~lY admi~d to taste HQlding such a signifiCant posi~ ·· hlsmdiscretian. Howev~;be seehls

BY GEOFF BROWN

M!. SA VICE PRESIDENT tionnecessitates aceitainaIllPllrit .of unwillitigto acknoWledge thathlB ProbirMehtarecentlyad- committnent,devOtion,)mdsaerifice. actions should . have I:IJlY con sec- .

itted to imptoperly~lo~ .. Furthermot~; it is not acceptable ',for. quence.,l f he trulY.C:ares for the ' eating $500 to the United Asiapl\1ehta to have "f6:rgotten")o aC~ept 'ASsemblY. and for the stUdent bOdy, . American Orgai:li~atiQn(VMO); ' .• ' .. ' . , . he would allow In an interview with the ' Retlie-w~:i: the Assembly to heacknowledgedth~tl1:ehadmade · · ' 'determine ad-a mistake, h~t did n~t ~~1l1tO fe~l .. "If t h - - equate sanctions that violating bng'oftheAssembly's l sea s e l S for him and for own ruleswas;' ~nything about h dl d - tl ·any others re-which to beconcemed; II.~ seemed an e lncorrec y, sponsible for the to adopt the typicalpoliticllI stance d improper alloca-ofadmittinganindiscrt;)tion while , . some very angerous tion . If he does at the same time . attempting to) ( d t -II b t " I not, he will beset-downplay its S.ign. i ficrui.'ce in, or.de. r "pT:ece . en 8 WI e se. I ling the stage for to deflect any. sort of punishmenLother executive ..... . for the action.HeciaiJned~nth~ ::, .officers to autho- ' while that what he ' did was doh~ ; .',;,i'>: ' ;: .... '.' ....•. •... rize transfers of with "proper int<mtitms;"Thls mfilY>/' al?l?roval for . such a large expencti. flnids ····to· student organizations well be; how~vElr, iIlt1;iiscase,as . ture'.:Yes, he is undoubtedly avery " Vo6th6ut approvid; after all, why ·· ·· with many others,:the ends gdnot 'busy man, but be is also the vice wpuld oh~bother to follow rules 'if justify the l!leans: .. ......... :' ..• .. . /' .. :'president of8.I)' organization respon.~ '. ' if; was proven that they he,l(f, no

If this .case) s',ha.t,l(lled in(!Qr~ : . :: si~leJor the ,disposition ,of nearly a ... " cQnsequence. As Vice Presi<;ient of . . reetly, some veijdarigerOuspi-~¢Eh :: . 'iqu~r of a 'mg1i()I1". doll~ . Of 'qtir" '. MSA, he sb bUla set.8.I) .exam:pi~ for ' dents will be ' s~fFfr~ ' ofaU,' 8", ' money, and 'be"lsrup.,dUlt. Further- theentireASsemblY:J'egardles~ of message willbesentnot .~n1yto' · more/~avingb~eniIl s~v~rhl posi" .whether 'therlllel .violatioJ!i ·· was Mehta but torutW-eMSA:·Officers . tions pf:- ,~\JthontY myself; 1ncluding .i intentlon,al; 'he sh<?lJld fl:icethe that it is acceptable Wtominit'egre~ her~ (l~ "theRel1iew, 1 have never yetmusic.~ :it Ylete~ ':~ " . . . ... ... gious violatigns ofMSNamo!3tim:' . peen involved in an organization Even more disti.ii-bingis that portant regulations ~o l()n~ as ope .. , .'. ; where I spent $50000 anyone project MSAseems relativelyunconcer.ned< ! feelsthatsuchviO.l.a.' ti. 'ons:are. 'be.m.· ..... · .. '~ ... ... " and forgot that I did so. Even less about this incident. Withthe .ex ....... ...... , committed to a noble erid: 'excusable is the fact that Mehta ception of a few rePtesentativ~s • .

This case also ~ends the mes~ . claimed ignorance on funding proce- nobody on MSA seems to think ", sage that one can hi4&.behiri:d' sup~ :: ,: ;~ure even after spending time on the that Mehta's violation of an impor-posed inexperience~digtl9rance . : Assembly as a representative prior to tant rule is worth discussing. As when committing such violations. his election as vice president. representatives of the student Simply put, iti~ rlotacceptable for Mehta also makes the mistake of body, it is the duty of MSA mem-Mehta to h~veno~:kp.own the basic attempting to share the blame for his bers to protect student interests. If proceduresfor~a allocations af- actions with the other executive offic- they do not investigate this matter ter having had nearly five months ersofMSA. They may well have shared further, then OUI interests simply to famili~z;e ~self with them. in the decision to subvert MSA's rules aren't being protected. Fundingallocatio,n,to student . <in the funding allocation to UAAO, This matter needs to be re-groups is the most ~igJ1ifiC;aJlt func- "i ,put in the end, it was Mehta who solved as soon as possible. ~eep~, tion ofMSA, andij' M~lita¢¢pected '; ::signed his name to the transfer order. ing it.under, the rug willsimplYilot A:. to have the autl:lOritYt~:cagy these', Those in leadership quickly learn that be acceptable. Mehta has taken functionsout~h~shAll1db~"e~eii". ' one should not sign one's name to a thefirststepbyadmittinghismis~

. the effort to havebec~m~farni!f~,,:::: 'documentunlessoneiswillingtotake take. Now he needs to face the , .. with MSA pro<;edl#"~$t ; eYe~,,: if.&~~ :; Comple~e responsibility for its con- consequences for his actions, what;:. wouldhavemeant ... d~voting<a:large : .. '.. tents.':>. ever they may be. Ml . ' : .. -, ,'. , . ' , " , ','-,

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February 5, 1997 THE MICIDGAN REVIEW 7

HAS THIS HAPPENED TO YOU??? " " ~",'t'

ONCE UPON A TIME, MSA PRESIDENT

FIONA ROSE WAS A STAFF WRITER FOR

THE REVIEW. SHE SOON DEPARTED WITH

NARY A WORD TO US.

WE HAVE HEARD REPORTS OF FIONA

JOINING ORGANIZATIONS, CQMMITTING TO MAJOR PROJECTS, AND THEN DIS-

APPEARING, MUCH LIKE SHE DID TO US.

SO WE'D LIKE TO KNOW:

HAS FIONA STIFFED YOUR STUDENT

GROUP IN HER CLIMB TO POWER?

EMAIL MREV@UMICH.EDU AND TELL US

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8 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW February 5, 1997

o SATIRE

Dorm Food: Threat or Menace? BY BENJAMIN KEpPLE

S OMETIMES WE GET strange ca lls here at the of­fice .

"FORTHE LOVE OF GOD, MAN! YOU'VE GOT TO LISTEN TO ME! THE CHICKEN IN THE TACOS! IT'S PEOPLE' PEOPLE '"

"Right. HEY! Guys! Our Mexican food is here' OK, what d'we owe you?"

"THEY'RE ON TO ME! I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

"0 K , we'll meet you outside, then. Hello? Hello! Goddamnit. I'm not tip­ping him ."

Most of the time we can easily ignore them without fear of bodily harm, but sometimes some ofthe calls are so intriguing that you've just got to look into them. But when you get students complaining en masse about the dorm food , and when you've a personal interest in a story (l still live in the dorms ), it bears looking into.

As a longtime watchdog of the sneaky and vile journalistic tactics used by television newsmagazine pro­b'Tams, I knew that I would have to be careful to present my story in a thoughtful, courteous manner, pre­senting myself openly and truthfully to the University departments that handled the matter . I didn't use any of the sneaky tricks a newsmagazine would have used to get a scoop. OK, I admit it . The only reason I got hired was because they mixed up the appli­cations. I have no qualifications what­soever to work in a food preparation setting, because after about ten min­utes somebody demands the creation ofa mass, militant, proletarian move­ment along with a double helping of fi sh nuggets , and they find my hair net shoved down their throat faster than a bureaucrat can say "! categori­cally deny serving leftovers five days lJl a row

" " .~ "~:'

"Mr. Johnson, it says here that you were an employee of Food Platy­pUS™?''

"You must have th ... yes! Right! Food Platypus™!"

"You worked in the meat depart­ment?"

"That's correct. I separated plas­tic wrap as a delicatessen assistant team member."

"Separated plastic wrap, eh? Hmmm . Well, I think we'll rotate you. Eight hours a week working files here in the main Food Service office, and eight hours a week in the cafeterias. Sound good?"

And so I began to work in the offices and slinging hash to unwary students. And now, unshackled by hair nets or oaths of secrecy, I can impart my knowledge to you . Hey, now look, searching through a gar­bage bin is acceptable journalistic practice.

MEAT PREPARATION: Turkey and Chicken. Once a year,

ROTC holds a "Turkey Shoot" for char­ity, obviously fake and for a good purpose: it allows students to fire rifles. But secretly at night, in a Cita­del-esque ritual, senior cadets force newcomers to watch hours upon hours of Army hygiene films, old war propa­ganda, and the Billy Dee Williams Psychic Hotline special. After watch­ing "It's Swell to Die For Your Coun­try (1942)," "Bathing: Step One in the Fight Against Communism (1953)," "Vietnam - How We're Kicking Commie Ass! (1969)," and how Billy Dee's psychic friend helped him make all those great career moves after Return of the Jedi, the cadets are reduced to mindless drones, and forced to hand carry live turkeys to the Hous­ing Department until dawn. The tur­keys and chickens are then flash­frozen in liquid nitrogen and carved into two forms: slices, and chunks.

They can be kept until next year's ordered to say that they were "swell Turkey Shoot, and are thawed out as for holding four ounces of patriotic needed. liquidrefresllment." Hence, they have

That portion of "Sliced Roasted been used ever since . Turkey" left in the pan can easily turn RUMORS: At each cafeteria, they into "Turkey A La King" three days have a departmental List of Un-later, and ifthat isn't eaten up, "Tur- founded and Completely False Ru-key Pot Pie" four days after that. mors One Cannot Spread Around On Never get the "Turkey Tetrazzini", as Pain Of Torture, along with official this is actually Italian for "Leftover rebukes. These include: Turkey and Pasta That Would Be "EdwardX. Delaney is not in the Thrown Out Tomorrow." As for the Edward X. Delaney sandwich. He is chicken products one eats that are not now an advertising executive who lives turned into slices 'n chunks, the fro- with his wife Gladys in J ersey City." zen whole chickens are carved up, "Leftovers are not 'served until dipped in "batter," fried, and then they reach sentience.' Leftovers are served. The process then repeats. served only within 24 hours of the

Beef See "Meat Food Product." meal where they were originally Meat Food Product. No one actu- served."

ally knows where the meat that is "Jake Norman's abrupt disap-served as beef actually comes from. pearance last week was not due to the One usually assumes that the ham- fact a large tentacle came out of the burger, hot dogs, and ground meat freezer unit and grabbed him . It was would be beef. If this is so, how come obviously a large industrial cleaning the steak or hamburgers you get out accident." or at home taste so much bloody bet- "The garden burgers are not ter, eh? One example from last week's served over and over, each day, in and Asian Theme Menu included "Aro- out. This is simply untrue. Pans are matic Beef'. There is a reason why rotated between dorms to ensure this was so special: it actually smelled freshness of the soy vegetable matter like beef. .: -· "··product."

THOSE ANNOYINGLY "Workers in Markley did not suc-SMALL GLASSES: Research has cessfullyrestIscitate a turkey product proven that Back in the Fifties, people using medical equipment. It obviously drank. and ate less than they do now. wasn't dead in the first place." According to Dr. P. D. "Chip" And there are many more. So be VelJohnsonoftheDepartmentofPsy- cautious as you eat. They may very chology, this is due "to a Depression well be trying to pass offbad cereal or complex, because back then people overcooked pork or some such rot, and didn't have glasses to drink out of, trying to gouge you $7 a mealfor it. So unless it was provided by the govern- be careful, lest you eat turkey product ment." However, this has nothing to that was the direct result of some poor do with the actual situation, as these sap watching "My Drill Sergeant Re-same glasses were in fact bought as ally Is Swell After All," and "Oh boy, part of a "BUY LIBERTY GLASSES oh boy, how I love KP." In fact, that FO R VI CTO RY" campaign conducted last video should very well be required by the University in 1943. Some of watching for the people directing the these same glasses, in fact, were used way our dorm cafeterias operate, as it on the front by soldiers who were then might teach them a thing or two. l\-R

SERF . CITY H.ITP:/IWWW.SERFCITY.COM/© 1997 .. By Russ La'_ YOl) STfLl gfLl~VE IN ME-I PO~'T You elLl ~

-'YES~:"'~'-l rA)JPh\Y FIN6ERPRJNTS ON "'ffiIlNK Ybo, SH.L .' IN SPJTE OJ: t' nJOS( PoC~TS ... IT .WEll ... I'VE GOT TO RUN! 7JE ROSE ro~SN'T MEAN A THING , HAV, A ba::tP PAY !

LAW J:=IRM I Q feU-.,.- ? " . .,..-- -

FOS1CP.:5 'DOCUMENTS,

CA1"'n.E J::UTVRES ."

_____ ' ___ _ T ,. " "_ " .. m~<>_." .. ,,_w""_, _ _ __ ~"""_~"'>""""""""' "'

February 5, 1997 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

The Partnership for an Extremist-Free Ameritca Presents

"How TO TELL IF YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER

HAS JOINED NWROC"

1. SAY THE FOLLOWING TO YOUR SON/DAUGHTER: "THE Kops AND THE KLAN ••• " HE/SHE RESPONDS:

(A) By STARING BLANKLY AT YOU, CONFUSED.

(B) "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?"

(c) BY SHRIEKING, " ••• GO IIANn-IN-IlANn!!!"

2. How MANY TIMES DOES YOUR SON/DAUGHTER USE A RHYTHMIC CHANT TO "WARD OFF OPPRESSION" ?

(A) NEVER

(B) ONCE WHEN THEY WERE DRUNK AT A PARTY

(C) ONCE EVERY 17.4 SECONDS

",,>"'''''''''1-''''

3. YOUR SON/DAUGHTER'S THOUGHTS ON CONVICTED COP-KILLER MUMIA ABu-JAMAL:

(A) HAS NO IDEA WHO THE HELL MUMIA EVEN IS

(B) THINKS HE'S A MURDERER WHOSE TIME TO GO TO "OL' SPARKY" IS LONG PAST

(C) THINKS MUMIA IS A LIVING SAINT WHO IS A "POLITICAL PRISONER" OF "RACIST OPPRESSORS"

4. ASK YOuR SON/DAUGHTER HOW MANY K's ARE IN "AMERICA"

(A) THERE ARE NO K's IN "AMERICA"

(B) ONE

(C) "THERE ARE THREE K's IN 'AMERIKKKA,' YOU KKKAPITALIST PIG-DOG!"

9

FOR EACH (A) OR (B) GIVE 0 POINTS, AND FOR EACH (C) GIVE 1 POINT. IF YOUR SON/DAUGHTER SCORES 1 OR MORE POINTS, HE/SHE HAS LIKELY JOINED NWROC - YOU ARE ADVISED TO GET mM/HER INTO

TREATMENT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

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'l: February 5, 1997 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o ESSAY

A Ride with the C~~legeDems By MAUREEN SIRHAL

CALL IT DESPERATION . Call it a deep, yearning desire. That is the only way I can

think of to describe my brazen deci­sion to join a group of College Demo­cratson theirwayto Washington D.C. to see the inauguration of William Jefferson Clinton .

Please do not think I braved a difficult journey to see the Inaugura­tion . My friend had pestered me for quite some time to visit her-she lives in Georgetown. When we discussed the Inaugural weekend, she urged me to spend the three--day vacation with her. Her roommate was to be away and I did have Monday off. What could be better, and I agreed thinking "how hard can it be to secure a ride to DC?"

Well, suffice it to say that it is hard . Very hard. And so, I was wrought with sadness and desperation to see my fri end while escaping the bitterly cold weather. After exhausting every outlet for a ride I decided to swallow my pride and kindly ask the College Democrats (all right, I begged) for a ride to Washington .

Now, I must thank this group of dedicated (misguided) political activ­ists for accommodating a poor dis­placed conservative. The journey it­self was interesting, to say the least. I can 't remember when I have laughed so h ard, or been quite so annoyed . It was a journey that cramped 15 bodies into a meager van for what was thought to be an eight to nine hour drive. Well, some unforseen events occurred that resulted in a three hour delay upon initial departure. Twelve hours after the van left Ann Arbor, we arrived in Maryland. I quickly pro­cured a fast and direct ride into

Georgetown via traveling companions with cars. (l was lucky.) I was thrilled to have returned to my summer resi­dence. The city was bound in lights of red, white and blue. Hundreds ofpa­triotic flags adorned the buildings. There were so many people (and even more drink specials!).

My first day back in Washington after a six-month absence was well spent tooling around Du Pont Circle and savoring the sweet delights of Starbucks Coffee. (I restrained my­selffrom Ben and Jerry's. ) I spent the evening in the company of some good friends attending what had to be the biggest collection of Republicans in town, Planet Republican at the top floor of Hotel Washington. Hundreds of Brooks Brothers .... dad GOPers gath­ered to look down on (no pun intended) the fireworks display at the White House. After the show ended, we talked and consoled one another on the next four years of the "raw" deal.

So the rest of the weekend was spent avoiding the Metro at all costs and rekindling old memories. Sunday was a blur of restaurants , clubs and a bartender named Johne who sings and dances atop the bar of Cafe Lautrec in Adams Morgan. Monday, the day of reckoning, finally ap­proached. I felt almost guilty that such an event of historic proportion was less than average. (I say "his­toric" because it will no doubt be re­m'embered as the most expensive "so­so" inauguration at the taxpayers expense). So out of guilt I mustered some energy to walk down to the Na­tional Mall and commune with Abe and Tom at their respective memori­als. Out of sheer curiosity I ventured to Pennsylvania Avenue to see what the fuss was about. It was a· ~olorful event, if! do say so myself. Thousands

of people and tons of flags. We made our way to the hot dog vendor and the bleachers where we were denied ac­cess because we did not shell out, I mean, purchase $50 tickets to "sit" and watch the parade. And was it worth it? Emphatically, I can say yes.

So it's Martin Luther King Day and Inauguration Day, and where was I? Sitting in front ofthe TV watch­ing The McLaughlin Group rerUns. Occasionally, I flipped the channel to see the parade, but when I realized two hours after leaving the parade it still had not started, I was not too sad to be in a warm apartment.

And so my weekend ended. Tues­day morning, my dear friend employed a taxi to take us across the river into Arlington and we bid adieu. I hur­riedly got dressed for fear of being late and missing this feisty group ofDems. That fear was soon cured as I realized we would be delayed and hour an a half due to a dead battery. After our first travel day, this minor catastro­phe was nothing! I am sure the hotel staff was eager to see us leave. We piled in and drove out of Maryland. Amid bathroom breaks and gas stops, the interesting ride back to Michigan · . was complete with road games, and lively conversation. I don't really know when I've ever heard quite so much Pee Wee Herman trivia as that which dominated a couple of disscussions among the males in the van. But I simply excused that with the knowl­edge that these guys are Democrats.

You would have thought it to be impossible; especially for me- to spend so much time, in such close proxiroitywith a group of people whose views were so far from (reality) my own. But I guess it goes to show that we can alljust get along-as long as it is a Republican driving. Mt

An Open Lett~r to Josh White, Editor-in-Chief of the Michigan Daily, and Olga Savie, Editor-in-Chief of the Michigan Independent.

Josh and Olga: In the past few months, a sort of friendly rivalry has developed between three papers, a sort of three­way satirical chess game. However, I submit that it is time for us to determine which of our three papers is indeed the victor in our good-natured battle. Therefore I propose that the members of our respective editorial boards face offin a friendly game of Trivial Pursuit (Genus III Edition). This game would occur on neutral territory, and would consist of three teams, each team comprised of no more than five members of each paper's editorial board. Well, Okay, Olga, we recognize that you don't have a very big staff, so you'll be allowed to recruit outside members for your team. We will spot each team the following pieces of the "pie': the Daily editorial board will receive the yellow "history" slice, while the Independent will receive the pink "entertainment" slice. We will set other rules as mutually agreeable to all three of us . lfyou accept this challenge, please reply to me at mreV@Umich.edu or 662-1909 by 11:59 PM on Thursday 13 February 1997. I and my editors look forward to this challenge.

Geoff Brown Editor-in-Chief The Michigan Review

, ',,, _ _ .~,~" _ _ ,"" R< _", ",."". _ _ _ ~ ., ._, _ _ __ ~. __ ", _ _ • _ _ ",_ ~r. ~ "" _ _ __ _ ... ,. _""",_._ ... _- ~ ... .... -~ .... .... ... -.- '" .. --., .... """ ' '' , '~ '':- "' "! , ... ~ .... ,, ~ ...... " .. ., .. ' .. "~ "

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10 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW February 5,1997

o SUPREME COURT WATCH

Scalia Canqidacy a Bad Idea BY MA'ITHEW BUCKLEY

T HE RECENT GOP PRESI­dential defeat has that party looking for answers. Looking

at a potentially weak field of candi­dates going into 2000, Beltway insid­ers are looking for someone to lead the GOP, Not impressed by any current GOP ringleaders, some seem intent on setting the mantle on conservative Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. To do so would be folly.

Scalia certainly has qualities that merit such consideration. He is with­out question one ofW ashington's most intelligent people, with an unques­tionable academic record. Stints as a student at Georgetown and Harvard led to several successful years of pri­vate practice. He has taught law at some ofthe nation's best universities: Chicago, Virginia, and Stanford all grace his resume.

He also has unquestionable pow­ers of rhetoric. His debating talent is unquestionable; his cross-examina­tion of lawyers as they argue before the Court is well-known. He is an excellent speaker, with a rich ability

to entertain and enthrall an audi­ence. Given weak performances in the 1996 campaign debates by Dole and Kemp, it is easy to see how an intelligent, expressive person like Scalia would receive some consider­ation.

Scalia also carries'the conserva­tive credentials that GOP primaries demand. He consistently takes the conservative stands on Court issues, emphasizing states' rights often at the expense of individual rights. He thinks the Roe v. Wade decision on abortion signals a dangerously intru­sive federal presence. He all but de­clared his opposition to physician­assisted suicide before the Court even heard the case. Articulate stands on these issues have made him a near­deity in Republican circles.

Yet a Scalia 2000 bid would be crazy. Scalia would have to leave the Court to mount a serious challenge for nO:qlination. This would give Clinton a chance to appoint another justice. Given a 1995-1996 term that saw several important cases tilt on 5-4 decisions, the switch could be cata­strophic.

This is even more important given 11: huge potential leftward shift in the Court. Justice Stevens is 76, Chief Justice Rehnquist is 73 - both could retire soon, leaving Clinton a chance to pull the Court left. Rehnquist, a staunch conservative, would be a cru­cial loss. Replacing both Rehnquist and Scalia with liberals would result in a drastically different Court.

Scalia is not even a sure political bet. For all his intellect and rhetorical flourish, he has failed to shift the Court much during his tenure. This failure stems from a lack of desire to compromise. His attacks and ridicule of those he considers wrong do little to help him persuade other justices. This spirit of compromise and persuasion is required in the political world; lead­ership sometimes demands it.

Scalia would also run into prob­lems with Democrats over his judicial philosophy. Scalia believes in inter­preting the Constitution in the light of the Founding Fathers. There are serious arguments that Scalia's method of Constitutional analysis has flaws. The idea that the Constitution must be bound by the notions ofIllJ;.a~

long dead is not altogether convinc­ing.

Yet problems of that intellectual caliber are not as serious as the thrash­ing Scalia might get in a candidacy. Given the extensive paper trail that any Justice leaves, one wonders how many potentially damaging distor­tions David Bonior or Dick Gephardt could find in Scalia's old Court opin­ions. Intellectual distortions like these kill political dreams, and Scalia's out­spoken decisions could easily be ma­nipulated against him by demagogues on the left.

A final problem with a Scalia can­didacy is the tacit message it sends to the electorate. Sacrificing a valuable asset like Scalia demonstrates a lack of confidence that others can lead. This is short-sighted. Potential can­didates like Sen. John McCain (R­Ariz.) or Bill Bennett certainly de­serve some ofthis buzz going to Scalia. To ignore these and other candidates this far in advance is ridiculous. For the GOP, Scalia and his conservative opinions are the judicial bird in the hand worth far more than pipe dreams lurking in the electoral bushes. l\R

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12 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW February 5, 1997

o ROLL UP FOR THE MYSTERY TOUR

Hearts . Mire BY GEOFF BROWN

H OWDY, FOLKS! Roll up for the Mystery Tour! It's

dying to take you away for a wonderful journey into the land inside of my mind, one that will surely astound and amaze you. Or some­thing. I don't know. Any­how, in the last issue, I speculated on the wonders that lay ahead for 1997. Indeed it is proving to be an

-v

interesting year. MSA Vice Militia Member? You be the judge. President Probir "Funk

pendent seemed to deem me worthy of their satire, theorizing that my hypothetical laptop contained such things as a member­ship application to the Michigan Militia, a let­ter to the Unabomber, and a list of "trekkie conventions." I had a pretty good laugh at that. However, there are a few inaccuracies in their satire. First of all, even though I am a Star Trek fan (and even

Lord" Mehta has recently admitted to willfully violating MSA funding pro­cedures, and nobody on MSA seems to care. Shades of Clinton, wouldn't you say? I mean , it's $500 of our money, people, and h e claims he forgot that he spent it! Hello?l?

We've also seen the last of Katie "Ki ller of Cute Kitties" Hutchins's tripe-ridden column . Of course, she couldn't possibly leave without tak­ing a parting shot at the Review. It was a vicious, unnecessary and com­pletely uncalled-for attack.

Needless to say, I have new-found respect for Katie. I didn't think she had it in her.

But I digress. In any event, in the final paragraphs that she subjected the world to , she characterized the Review as being "a forum for all the bonehead Republicans who couldn't make it at the Daily." Well, Katie, I'll have you know that the boneheads I have working for me are of the high­est caliber, and could easily make it at the Daily - how hard could it be to pull stories off the AP wire? Katie further said that she'd be safe be­cause it would t ake us six months before we'd get another issue out. Well , Katie , it's been two weeks, and we're baaaaaaaaaccckkk! You must have had us confused with the Inde­pendent.

But enough of that. I'm surely keeping Miss Hutchins from abusing defenseless animals, so I'd best move on to other topics soon. However, now that I have the Independent on my mind , it reminds me of their recent issue where they did a spoof of the Apple "What's on your laptop" ads where they feature prominent people and vv'hat sort of thing is on their lap­top. I'm proud to say that the Inde-

Geoff Brown is a bonehead LSA se­nior majoring in biology, and the Edi­tor- in-Chief of the Review. He is defi­nitely looking forward to that damned Valentines Day.

President of the U-M fan club), I really don't like to go to the conven­tions. Second, I may be moderately cQnservative, but I am not nearly right-wing enough for the Michigan Militia, and I don't have enough ma­chine guns. Finally, I stopped writing the letter to the Unabomber when I realized that his shack didn't techni-cally have an address or a mailbox (I guess he was worried about the "what comes around goes around idea"). Come on, people ...

Yet again, I digress. Anyhow, as I write this, it's

Groundhog'S Day, and Puxatawney Phil, the famous groundhog, has pre­dicted an early spring. Which is good, because I can't take much more of this winter crap, and also because Katie Hutchins might have kicked the crap out of him otherwise. I've lived in Michigan all my life, and I'm just now starting to get tired of all this white, fluffy crap that pollutes our air and ground during the winter. I've decided that when I actually fin­ish my schooling (which could be as soon as this May, or as late as 2003) I am going to flee post haste to San Diego, where it's warm all the time, and it doesn't snow and stuff. Sure there are earthquakes sometimes, but you have to take risks.

Again, I digress. But anyhow, it's also less than

two weeks until Valentines Day. Bar­ring any unforeseen developments, this could potentially be the first Val­entines Day in a few years that will pass with me being unattached to anyone of the female persuasion. Which is slightly depressing, but not a major catastrophe. Needless to say, however, I have lost my sappy enthu­siasm for the insipid little holiday, and have returned to bitterly scorn­ing the whole concept. I just wish I could get those cretin little candy hearts printed with messages like "I got yer 'Valentine' right here!" and "Be mine?!? KISS mine!" and "I'm

going to put the smack down on yo' ass, biatch!" I'd definitely hand out those candy hearts. Valentines Day has certainly lost its magic when one thinks back to the happy days of our youth, when you would be required to get those little boxes of mass-pro­duced Valentines cards, and give one to everyone else in the class, and everyone would give one to you. They still do this, I guess, except now they have GI Joe and Independence Day Valentines. Well, nothing says "I care about you" quite like impersonal cards featuring themes of death, violence and destruction. It just doesn't seem to fit. On the other hand, that seems strangely appropriate now that 1 think about it.

Not that I'm bitter. But we don't need to sulk in soli­

tude. We need not be pathetically lonely all by ourselves. We can come together, in a spirit of angst-ridden solidarity. I think that all of us single, bitter people should come together and celebrate an Anti-Valentines Day. We can bring bouquets of rag­weed and boxes of fruitcake or some other disgusting candy, and exchange really bitter, angry greeting cards, and drink a lot (this would be fun anyway), and bash our evil ex- girl­friends (and boyfriends - you disillu­sioned ladies are more than welcome to join in) who so callously trampled upon us and our feelings and then made up lies and blamed us for things that we never even did in a pathetic attempt to make us feel bad.

Not that we'd be bitter. That would be cool, wouldn't it?

Then after that, we'd all be forced back into the realities of our worlds: tests, classes, GREs, rejection letters, scrambling to determine our futures, assuring our parents that we will ac­tually do something with ourselves, and not sponge off of them like des­perate leeches. This is a scary concept for me. With each day that passes, I edge closer to graduation, which means the real world, unless I can score a "Get Out of Real Life Free" card and get into medical or graduate school. Which would be cool, not so much for the real world avoidance factor, but more because I would be able to work in health care, which is w hat I have always wanted to do. This

with high- powered weaponry, regard­less of what my editors and staff may say to you about me out of earshot.

But unfortunately, we cannot re­main undergraduates forever. Well, okay, some people·try, but then they get to be 40 years old and working on their third bachelor's degree and it starts to look really silly. But the rest of us have to move on. 1 am slowly coming to grips with the fact that I will be leaving behind the last ves­tiges of my innocence and youth in May when I take my degree. But in the end, one must always move on. This includes the editorial board of Michigan Daily , who recently ended their year-long terms . For all of our sniping at them, I have a great deal of respect for many of their editors, par­ticularly Ronnie, their editor-in-chief, who is reportedly the first Daily edi­tor in history to not have turned to . alcoholism as a result of his tenure (I wouldn't have been as strong in his shoes); and Zack, whom I've known since high school, who shared some unique antics with me at orientation (do you know where your wallet is

.....-1TbW, Zack?), and who was one of the editorial page editors. Zack managed to maintain a relatively moderate voice on the editorial page; and Greg and De;m, the former Reviewites who went to the Weekend, Etc. staff, and with their excellent leadership and writing skills, turned the Weekend, Etc. section into one ofthe few parts of the Daily that consistently contained high-quality ma~erial. So to Ronnie, Zack, Greg, and Dean, my congratu­lations on a good year, and my best wishes for the future.

As for me, it's not quite my time yet. 1 still have a little bit of under­graduate innocence to enjoy before I move on, and I thoroughly intend to make the most of it that 1 can. That's my suggestion for the rest of you too. And if anyone's interested in that anti-Valetines Day idea, drop me an email. Until next time, take care. l\R

NI1 [) A lIT n r lXCrnl\lfNT1I?

Join The Review!

\\,p lu '('d Campu:-; An~lir:-;

is opposed to joining the postal ser­vice, which is what I never wanted to do, becoming disgruntled, and vapor­izing my supervisors and co-workers with high-powered semi-automatic weaponry. I have a feeling that doing so would be a definite bummer. This is not to say that I am prone to becom­ing . dJsgruptle.d and arm~ng mys~IJ, ,

rl'(Jllrtl'r:-;. Pt'oplt· who want to writl' opinion essays about all~,thing. and people who want to sell ads and make mOI1P~' (for you and us I.

COllll' by our meetings. 7 pm in HOOJ11 ;3:2 of the Perry

., Building. or c~l!l 66~-190~ . ..

" , ·~ , .<,· "",,,,",,,,>,~,,,,,,,,,<_,." ' · n" ''''''''''',N_'''''_·'''' __ V'I)j\,'.M'I.'l,_ '+W_ .... ""................. ~'IlQ$O(Q\,,:a,,"''''Jj ; 44 1!IBIiI1li"4

February 5, 1997 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW 13

o LOST IN THE EIGHTIESTM

In Extrem~, Michigan Style BY BENJAMIN KEpPLE

T HE UNIVERSITY OF Michigan is chock full of ex­tremists. Now, by extremists,

I don't necessarily mean Communists or Libertarian NRAmembers . I mean people who cross the line from pas­sionate to fanatical with regards to a cause. I mean people who adamantly cannot stand criticism of their mo­tives, rationale, or attempts at logic as they foward this cause. I mean people who fail to see humor in any­thing relating to them or that cause. I mean people who view their beliefs as if they were some kind of divine light from God Himself, and who feel they Have A Mission to bring their righ­teous beliefs to the rest of the planet. And I do so wish they would realize Something Isn 't Working Right with their methods and go take some seda­tives. Christ.

The current behavior of these ex­tremists is making the human race nauseous, and if these campus ex­trem ists want to get their point across, they are going to have to settle down and rejoin the rational side. If they don't, they will merely continue to hurt their cause and those who sup­port the same or slightly differing views, but who are rational.

Needless to say, campus extrem­ists are not only annoying, but haz­ardous. Cripes, look what happened to the innocent bystanders and sane protestors standing next to NWROC when the Ann Arbor police unleashed Population Control Plan "Chicago '68" last summer at the Klan rally. Look what happened to QUP's chalkings w hen the insane faction ofthe College Republicans (CRs) got finished with them . Let's take a good hard look at some ofthese dolts and see what needs fixing.

On the right, we have the U-M COLLEGE REPUBLICANS. This group is a piece of\vork. While they've fortunately been somewhat dormant after massive Republican losses ('which they helped contribute to) in November, they are merely lurking in the shadow of anonymity, waiting for t.he right time to pull some hare­brained stunt. However, this is not to say that the only good CR is an inac­tive one. There is a sizable moderate faction within the CRs that is actu­ally sane, and that would work on debating and convincing the unde­cided majority on campus with little things like logic, reason, and intelli-

Benjamin Kepple is Managing Editor of the Review. He's down with what-euer,·ar·SDmetb. i.n.g~ . •. , .•.•..•.. ' .' . • f • , ,

gence, if only given the chance to do so. Unfortunately, the current lead­ers are almost entirely fanatical idi­ots, apparently unable to figure out what exactly does and does not annoy

$36,000 bill from the City of Ann Arbor will run each NWROC member $2,OOO? This doesn't matter to them! For NWROC has a very simple Mas­ter Plan when it comes to any issue:

1. Find an issue of quasi-relevance or ac­tual injustice.

2. Protest and es­sentially take over cause, using heavy­handed, beef-witted tactics, hence ruining any chance for the cause to succeed.

"Blasted meddling kids!" The gang takes on extremists.

3. Blame number 2 on an Obviously Per­nicious Group, by roll­ing a ten-sided die . (They run about 79 cents at a hobby shop

campus. While the President and spokesman for the CRs, Nick "Haldeman" Kirk, has apparently re­alized that ifhe shuts up he won't do any more damage to an already bat­tered conservative cause, he still has the same mind set that will result in future stupidity.

I'm cringing that the extremist faction ofthe CRs are going to plaster campus with posters for Reagan's birthday (Feb. 6) as they have in the past, and I pray that CRs without sense in their heads will not begin writing inane letters to the Daily again. If the CRs could only act ratio­nally and work together as a cohesive unit, they could seriously impact cam­pus in a positive way.

Previous CR President Angie Jerkatis hit upon the extremely me­dia-savvy idea of Not Doing Any­thing Stupid during her tenure as President, and instead worked upon trying to convince students that the Republicans were not all evil busi­nessmen intending to destroy labor and health care for the poor. To a small extent, it worked. They could have done more, but they didn't screw up. That is the key.

Fortunately for those of us who view the Left with more disdain and suspiscion than we do the Right, there are a variety of annoying leftist splin­ter groups that do far more to dis­credit their cause than the CRs do! Some of these leftwing splinter groups include NWROC, MIM, and the Free Mumia Coalition.

You've all heard ofNWROC, the National Women's Rights Organiz­ing Coalition. So what if they spend more time babbling about rampant racism and building a mass militant integrated workers movement than women's rights? So what if their .

near you.) 3a. If you roll a 1, blame The

Police; 2, the Ku Klux Klan; 3, the University Administration; 4, Rac­ism; 5. Sexism; 6, a student-run pub­lication; 7, the Michigan Militia; 8, the Entire United States Government; 9, foreign murderous capitalist pig-dogs; 10, Any two. ~

It's easy to see how NWROC works! The Maoist International Movement (MIM) works on the same wavelength, except they do'n't actu­ally do anything except show films, put up fliers, spout the words "impe­rialism" and "oppression," and pub­lish ragsheets. Sometimes they actu­ally recruit. This is done by sending "comrades" into such proletariat ori­ented places as rock concerts, and then having them get beaten by an angry mob sick of them babbling about the oppressed Philippine peasantry, instead of smoking marijuana. Once in a very great while, you may actu­ally see a MIM member begging.

BRAINWASHED MIMer: "Would you like to subscribe to a revo­lutionary paper?"

INTELLIGENT STUDENT: "I'd rather swallow double-edged razor blades and cut my throat with a bro­ken Mr. Pibb bottle than read one word of your bull-"

BRAINWASHED MIMer: "I'll take that as a yes?"

The Free Mumia Coalition also does nothing valuable. Its main goal is to free Mumia Abu-Jamal from the oppressive imperalist clutches of the State of Pennsylvania, which has Mumia on Death Row because he turned a policeman into, well, a syr­upy red puddle. They have made no progress whatsoever, and they refuse to concede that it is only a matter of time before Mumia goes to "01' Sparky."

The good news about these groups is that they are completely ineffectual and are totally counter-productive. The bad news about these groups is that they have a tendency to latch onto otherwise worthwhile projects and causes.

And of course, we can't forget the United People's Coalition. I just can't under ... what? "Kepple, you son of a bitch! Y oujust can't criticize people without reason!"

N ow look, I'm not going to be criticized by protestors within my own column. I just can't understand why the UPC, a student government party that is supposed to represent every­one, refuses to allow whites to run on their slate, and why they continue to state that they can represent anyone. To me that seems like an extremist policy, not to mention extraordinarily hypocritical.

"You vindictive, venemous bas­tard! What kind of inhuman, perni­cious ... "

What? Look, who the devil do you . think you are, anyway?

"Living in your filthy, putrid quasi-libertarian ignorance of the world! You frightened, pathetic white male! Heathen! PHILISTINE! I'm not going to idly sit by and ... "

All right, that's it. Shut up. Go write a letter to the editor and let me finish ...

"No! I'm sick of writing letters to the editor! All you people do is ignore me! I'm taking action BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!"

What! you're mad! You can't ... "I DAMN WELL CAN! I'm going

to build an all-minority mass militant integrated workers movement en­tirely consisting of College Republi­cans to TAKE YOU DOWN!"

Stop it! Get out of my column! Leave me alone! HEY! STOP! MY BACK! THAT HURTS!

"BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY! BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY! THREE WHITE BOYS AND ONE WHITE GIRL! CLINTON'S THE BEST PRESIDENT SINCE TRUMAN! SINCE ROOSEVELT! NO, SINCE JEFFERSON! DIE, IM­PERIALIST CAPITALIST OPPRES­SOR YANKEE!"

Oh Lord. I'm getting outta h ere. This concludes this issue's look at campus extremists from the right, the left, and the ... JESUS CHRIST! YAAAAAAGH! (THUD.) ... crazy. <gasp><wheeze> Tune in next time when I criticize the Michigan Student Assembly "KEPPLE! You bastard! FIONA just can't wave a magic wand and make things happen!" or I ... oh hell, you'll know. l.\R

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.j

f6J tBook§ Contradictions Mar Morris Book

BY MATTHEW BUCKLEY

I T LOOKS LIKE A PROMISING work. A prominent political player, intimate in the actions of

the current Administration, writes

Behind the Oval Office Dick Morris Random House Hardcover, 1997, 359 pgs.

about his White House days. Add some arrogance and scandal, and one would think that Dick Morris's new book, Behind the Oval Office (Random House, 359 pgs.), should be compul­sively readable. Yet this book annoys, enrages, and insults the intelligence; even with a gun to your head, you should still object to buying this book.

Simply put, Morris writes badly. {\ttempts to convey emotional feeling simply clang. "I have come back to Earth without a parachute to break ny fall," he moans. "Walls close in on me when I am alone," he cries. How

long did he spend thinking of these sentences? Good writers evoke thought and emotion from their read­ers; all Morris can muster is a trite flow of cliches.

This writing problem combines with Morris' immense ego. It's fair to say that this entire book is Morris undergoing vast self-adulation, with his political opponents always wrong and Morris always right. He also has an annoying tendency to link himself to great historical leaders, as if some­how Dick Morris and Bill Clinton are really comparable to Winston Churchill or Abe Lincoln.

And this does not even begin to do justice to the dialogue. Since he ap­parently wrote much of this book af­ter the 1996 Democratic Convention, much ofthe dialogue must come from personal recollection. It comes off as B-movie stuff. At one point, he warns Cltinon about Congressional Demo­crats "'Your supporters will become your jailers. Their protection will be­come your parole. Theyre in good faith, they want to help you, but they can't, and in the process they'll limit your mobility and drag you down. You

think you're the candidate, but you'll outdoorsy-types were available swing become their hostage." Nobody talks voters. One does not need much per-this way. If Dick Morris really does, spective to detect the pandering here. he's a poster boy for earplugs. But one must be fair to Morris, for

Notwithstanding the writing, the book's details do entertain. He Morriscontradictshimselfconstantly. recounts that Clinton really believes At several points, Morris simply ig- that media are viciously trying to de-nores previous claims. One one page, rail the presidency and personally we are to believe that Clinton never damage him and his family. Morris "flip-flops," then Morris concedes that decries the White House staff as a he did during the government shut- bunch of left-wingers that tried ev-down. Morris lauds Clinton's "deep erything to disrupt Morris' plans -sense of personal loyalty to people,"; how such a group of lefties got past pages later he notes that Clinton of- the supposedly centrist, reasonable ten "just disappear[s] on you." In the Clintons is left a mystery. Clinton space of pages, Clinton shifts from also apparently took to calling Bob "deeply self-confident" to relying on Dole "an evil man" during the election the approval of others for his own campaign. Morris paints a picture of self-image. Morris's flip-flopping Clinton as a needy, paranoid Presi-makes Clinton look consistent. dent, obsessed with his own self-im-

Morris' treatment of polls exem- age to an unbridled extent. plifythese contradictions. Morris first Yet amusing detail cannot save claims that polls don't guide Clinton's this book. Like many Washington goals; that he "consults polls as ifthey politicians, Morris overestimates his were giant wind socks that tell him own importance while feeling free to which way the wind is blowing [in shift positions at will. This probably order] to move him closer to his desti- helps Morris as a campaign manager nation." A few chapters later, Clinton and Washington tactician. Unfortu-takes a vacation in the mountains... nately, it makes his book a really, after seeing polls indicating t4at· ..... ,,.. really bad read. Mt

Washington Remembered BY LEE BOCKliORN

B ILL CLINTON'S INAUGU­ration for a second term in the Oval Office recently had me

thinking about the president who was just ending his own second term two hundred years ago - George Wash-

Founding Father: Rediscov­ering George Washington Richard Brookhiser Free Press Paperbacks, 1997 $12.00

ington. Over the holidays when I wasn't channel-surfing through Sonny and Cher reruns and The Year in Review on the Weather Channel (?!) to find the next bowl game, I managed to read a very thought-provoking book by Richard Brookhiser: Founding Fa­ther: Rediscovering George Washing­ton.

Brookhiser's m' o'tivation for writ­ing the book is his belief that we have become distanced from our first presi­dent; thathe is "in our wallets and our textbooks, but not in our hearts". We see the rather cold Gilbert Stuart portrait staring out from the dollar bill and wonder, in this age of Oprah

and "kindler, gentler" leaders who "feel our pain", what does Washing­ton offer us? Even the monument built for him in the city which carries his name is an abstract obelisk, not a larger-than-life statue encased in some paean to ancient Greek archi­tecture like the Lincoln and Jefferson memorials.

Part of the problem, in Brookhiser's opinion, is that Wash­ington has become such a mythlike figure in our national memory that we have forgotten the real person. We have rightly dismissed the fairy tales of Parson Weems (the "I cannot tell a lie" cherry tree incident, for example), yet have found little else to replace them. Another problem is that, in an age when we equate cynicism with sophistication, "we believe that the historical figures, who floated like chips in the intellectual backwash, attached themselves to the cause for trivial motives, often sordid. We have lost the conviction that ideas require men to bring them to earth, and that great statesmen must be great men." Finally, in an era of increasing di­vorce rates and out-of-wedlock births, many Americans find the concepts of "fatherhood" and "founding father" difficult to comprehend. In light of all these challenges to remembering our

first president, Brookhiser has set out to remind us about Washington's great leadership and the example his life sets for all Americans to follow. In accomplishing this, as well as by pro­viding a brisk yet compelling reading experience, Brookhiser has done us a favor in writing this book.

The picture Brookhiser paints of Washington is inspiring, yet in some ways also depressing as one makes the inevitable comparisons between Washington and our current presi­dent. An important topic discussed in the book is Washington's character and morals. Although the cherry-tree story is fictitious, Washington was nevertheless profoundly concerned with morality and manners. At the age of sixteen he hand-copied a 110 item list entitled "The Rules of Civil­ity and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation", a guideline for polite behavior which he followed his entire life. Brookhiser provides nu­merous examples of others comment­ing on Washington's impeccable man­ners and character. We also learn about one of his human faults -he had a terrific temper - and of his largely successful battle to control it. He was also concerned with dignity_ As the first president of a new nation and an extremely popular leader, Washing-

ton knew that every action he took was potentially precedent-setting. He understood that the office must be dignified if the new government was to be worthy of the respect of its own citizens and skeptical foreign nations, and Brookhiser's book amply demon­strates that he did everything pos­sible to establish that dignity.

Bill Clinton could do well to follow his predecessor's lead in the areas of dignity and self control. It is difficult to imagine Washington informing the youth of America about his prefer­ence in underwear. And it is certainly a stretch to imagine Washington, given his concern for not doing any­thing which might even remotely be perceived as wrong, soiling the office of the presidency by trading personal access for dubious, if not illegal, for­eign campaign contributions.

Reading further, we learn about Washington's humility. Although he had his fair share of ambition and took his roles as general of the Revo­lutionary army, president ofthe Con­stitutional Convention, and President seriously, Washington got no joy out oftelling others what to do. He would have been perfectly content to remain

Continued on Page 18

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Star Wars Re-Rele\a-se Dazzles New Generation· BY THE REVIEW STAFF

F OR MANY PEOPLE, THE only medium in which to view Star Wars was on the televi-

sion screen. Indeed, few of us saw the movie in the theater, and those of us who did were far too young to remem­ber the experience. However, that all

Star Wars: The Special Edition Directed by George Lucas. Featuring new special effects and new footage.

changed last Friday with the release of Star Wars: The Special Edition, commemorating the film's 20th anni­versary. The new release featured completely new special effect~ and several minutes of new footage. Best of all, the new release was on the big screen.

Like everyone else who saw the film on opening night, we bought our tickets several days in advance. Sim­ply put: it was well worth it. Obvi­ously we all knew how the movie was going to go - we've seen it probably close to 1,000 times put together.

However, the experience of seeing the film on the big screen, opening night, with several friends and Star Wars enthusiasts along with the brilliantly enhanced special effects made for a once-in-a-lifetime movie viewing experience.

In fact, the experience, for most of us, far outshone the actual movie. For instance, Tom recalls waiting in line to get into the theater, ticket in hand, -and hearing the announcement that the shows had sold out. A cheer rose from the crowd, and as it died down, someone called, "The first transport is away," to which the crowd responded with laughter and more cheering - it was an inside joke that any fan of the Star Wars films could understand, and it brought the crowd that much closer together.

Ben felt similar to Tom in his remarks regarding how people inter­acted. "It was kind oflike the 1940s," Ben said, "it seemed as if the entire world for one night had abandoned their televisions and gone out to see a movie, and a good one at that. " Ben also felt that the crowd had a real common interest in Star Wars that

brought them close together, if just for a little while. "Sure, we had this one heretic a few rows back who griped during the previews for Meet Wally Sparks that 'I just can't understand why there is all this fuss over some­thing you can rent on video.' Natu­rally, she was then pelted with pop­corn by a horde of adolescents behind her, but hey, besides her, everyone was very pleasant and enjoyed every bit. If there was a definite point at which all the farrs felt alike, it was the mass cheering in the crowd when Han Solo made his first appearance. They knew what was going down."

Naturally there were no surprises in the plot. However, true to form, Industrial Light and Magic (ILM), Lucas's special effects company, worked wonders with the new special effects. There were new scenes and new effects worked into the film, mak­ing the new film's effects just as inno­vative now as they were in 1977.

In addition, two scenes that were cut from the original release were included in the new release. The first had Han Solo meeting up with Jabba the Hutt in the Mos Eisley spacE': port:-""

However, in the first film, Jabba was a human, so ILM had to do some computer morphing to show Jabba in his more familiar form. The sec­ond restored scene showed Luke meeting up with his friend Biggs shortly before the attack on the Death Star. While it wasn't crucial to the plot, it did add anoth~r dimen­sion to it.

There was much hype surround­ing the release of the new Star Wars film. Indeed, as the release date drew closer, it seemed like the new film was all anybody was talking about. However, this was one of the few instances where the hype was clearly well-deserved. Not only was Star Wars: The Special Edition a great films, special effects-wise, butit was a great time to be had by alL It was . a time where everybody in the the­ater had a common bond, whether they knew on another or not. No other film has ever brought so many people together the way the Star Wars films do. So"ifyou haven't yet experienced it, go out and do it. If you have, do it again. And May the Force be with you. Ml

Evita: Surprisingly Good for You BY KRISTINA CURKOVIC

I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO have to compare Evita to the pseudo-play Springtime for

Hitler from Mel Brooks' The Produc­ers - after all, both productions are musicals about two of the western world's most famous dictators and both, I thought, would glorify these dictators in jolly songs and dances about loving one's leader. In addition, Hollywood often manages to revive history into popularity by changing characters and stories (like that of Pocahontas). Yet' with Evita, I was surprised by not only the amount of historical accuracy, but also the movie's oftentimes cynical view of the Perons. From the beginning, the au­dience is not only introduced to the lovable Cinderella-like story of Eva Duarte Peron, but also to the critical voice of Argentina, captured in An­drew Lloyd Weber and Tim Rice's songs and in the direction of Alan Parker. Juan Peron's admiration of Mussolini, Eva Duarte's quick rise in popularity, and images of Nazi-like parades of soldiers through the streets of Buenos Aires make for an unmis­takable and realistic atmosphere of Fascism and domination.

Madonna of course plays Eva, an

ambitious woman who slept her way to the top of one of the richest coun­tries in the world and then fell with its decline. Here was another sur­prise: Madonna may actually be wor­thy of the Golden Globe she won last month. It might have been the makeup, hair and clothes, or perhaps even Madonna's real-life similarities to the relentless, strong-minded Ar­gentine woman; whatever it was, Ma­donna carried the role with style and thoughtfulness, and sometimes with moving emotion. At the same time, it was hard to forget that this was, after all, Madonna, and throughout the movie one looks for signs of her fa­mous pregnancy (hidden by well-de­signed dresses) and waits for her to break into some sexy song and dance routine.

But Eva Peron wasn't a sex sym­bol to the Argentine people - she was a saint. Biographers of the Perons discuss their ties to Nazi's, their battles against democratic voices and so on; one wonders how exactly such a ruthless, striving woman could be­come a saint. She worked hard at this image, and the movie catches the moments where she becomes an icon. A breathless scene captures us, the movie audience, along with the throngs outside the newly-elected

dictator's palace as Evita greets her people. "I am one of you," she keeps reminding them, and they quickly fall in love with her speeches, her arbi­trary philanthropic efforts, and with the inspiring fact that one of their own was now the rich, well-dressed wife of Argentina's dictator. Evitagave them hope, all the while taking it away to feed her own desires for wealth, power, and popularity.

Eva's famous Foundation, which brought her most of her popularity, spread good luck here and there by way of lottery (like little miracles, perhaps), a foundation over which she had complete control and whose finances she carefully kept absolutely no record of. Money came from the people, who gave up a day of wages in a hope that they would get it back from their great benefactress and patron, Evita. Her greatest power seem to lie in her relationship with her husband, Juan (Jonathan Pryce), who needs her with a Macbeth-like dependency. One scene seems to be straight out of Macbeth, where Juan wallows injail, uncertain of his abili­ties and power, while Eva urges him on - "The country will be ours." The movie is emotion-stirring as it plays on our pessimism and our growing admiration of Evita. Just as you feel

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your eyebrows nsmg in cynICIsm, there is Che (Banderas) to voice your sarcasm and anger about Eva's sexual investments, Juan's baby-kissing publicity stunts, and the slow fall of La Prensa, Argentina's famous and world-wide newspaper. And just when you think Evi ta is nothing more than a selfish entrepreneur, a look and a smile from Madonna turns you back around.

The thing is, the entire movie is basically sung and, one more sur­prise, it almost gets away with it. In a movie era where dialogue has been overtaken by less-than-narrative vio­lence and sex, the point of this movie is that you have to listen and under­stand to get the story. Brilliant lyrics by Tim Rice carry the story very well (although you do have to listen hard around Antonio Banderas' and other characters' singing) and spectacular visual images conjure memories of large-scale "cast of thousands" pro­ductions. (There were, in fact, 40,000 extras.) Evita is a remarkably well­done movie, considering that it's been years since a musical has been brought • to film. The film was certainly worth bringing to life - Hollywood is fi­nally entertaining the public not sim­ply with sex and violence, but with thought, music, and history. l\R

"

OU-M ON $5 A DAY

Take Advantag@' of Local Food· Deals BY KRISTINA CURKOVIC

E VERYBODY AT THIS University is trying to milk you for what you're worth. The

school, bookstores, coursepack places, lTD, dorms, stores, and especially the restaurants. You can't find a good cup of coffee for less than a dollar, and food prices start skyrocketing once you step near the campus. Eating well at a nice restaurant seems to mean having to starve yourself for a month before you can afford it, and that's just wrong. How can you enjoy your food if you're wondering if your credit card can cover it?

Some of us already know the an­swer: wait until your parents come for a visiL Sometimes, however, it doesn't take parental guidance to help your­self to a nice meal at a classy restau­rant, and it especially doesn't take help from mom and dad to find free

Kristina Curkovic is a staff writer for the Review and ajunior majoring in English and Linguistics. Her total food bill, for last week, after coupons and specials, was $2.19.

drinks on your 21st. It turns out that being treated, or treating your friends, to a nice birthday dinner doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg - just a little planning, and a lot of appetite.

Many area restaurants offer a delicious deal that college students simply cannot pass up - free meals, drinks, and desserts on birthdays. As long as it's really your birthday, and you have your driver's license with you, you can get a variety of compli­mentaryvictuals. For instance, if you happen to be celebrating your twenty­first, Good Time Charley's offers a free drink (including drinks from their yummy mixed drink menu.) On'any birthday on or after the twenty-first, you could plan an itinerary based o'n other local bars that offer free drinks on that day, such as Scorekeepers, Touchdown Cafe, and the Brown Jug. (Of course, such a plan might involve walking, so keep this in mind while downing each free drink).

If you feel that you would rather enjoy preserving your delicate taste buds for the great flavors of Ann Ar­bor, there is a wide variety of local restaurants that offer discounts on a

party's bill when one of that party is celebrating a birthday. Gratzi and Palio, elegant restaurants right across the street from each other on Main, serve terrific Italian food and amaz­ing desserts, and take half off your bill for parties of two, one-third offfor parties of three, and so on. Maude's (on Fourth Avenue) does the same, with an additional free ice cream, and Palio also gives you a free dessert. Another elegant, rather expensive restaurant, The Earle, gives you $10 off your bill on your birthday. These deals don't usually include tax or drinks, so ask if you need to know.

Some restaurants offer a smaller package to help you celebrate. Places like the Mongolian Barbecue, Cot­tage Inn Restaurant, and Amadeus offer a free dessert with your meal. Zanzibar, the relatively new bistro on State, offers a free dessert and a drink with your meal. This meal plan sort of forces you into buying something to get something, but sometimes you have to overlook the details and con­centrate on the free food.

Everybody loves Stucci's, so it's a good thing that they sometimes. offer'~

regular discounts and deals that you have to watch out for (like their recent "two for Tuesday," a buy-one-get­one free scheme which lasts until Feb­ruary 11).

One of the downsides about most of these deals is that you can only take advantage, interestingly enough, on your birthday - not a day before or after. However, The Earle does give you some leeway: if you get on their mailing list, which doesn't cost any­thing, they'll give you the entire month of your birthday to take advantage of your $10 discount.

The main things to remember are that you need your driver's license, your birthday only comes once a year, and finding great food for half the price doesn't happen all the time. This year, celebrate with style, and try to remind yourself that you - or your friends - only have to worry half as much about spending money. Ml,

Look for related articles like this plus scads of music , arts, and books reviews in the Michigan Review's LIVING CULTURE section. Practical, AND intelligent.

As Rude As He Wants To Be BY LEE BOCKHORN

F ROM THE AMERICAN Heritage Dictionary: "eccen­tric - (adj.) Departing or de­

viating from the conventional or es­tablished norm." From the Lee Bockhorn dictionary: "dumb - (adj.) Dennis Rodman."

Dennis Rodman's latest crude be­havior has finally forced me to cross the line. I lived in Chicago for a few years in the late Eighties and became a Bulls fan, so last year I tolerated Dennis's delinquent deeds and cheered the Bulls on to the NBA title. His act - for that is all it is, an act -even grew on me, as it did on the entire city of Chicago. After all, here was a guy that, whether or not you liked the cross-dressing or tattoos, worked his butt off and did his job well- something you can't say about many people in America today.

Unfortunately, Rodman's groin­kicking feat has carried him across the line from being merely "eccen-

Lee Bockhorn is a Junior majoring in Political Science and Music. When it comes to playing the triangle, Lee can beat Dennis Rodman any day - and he doesn't color his hair green.

tric," which he fashions himselfto be, to downright childish. It has also car­ried me across a line from toleration and grudging admiration to disgust. It is a shame to see a class act like Michael Jordan have to carry his team through rough stretches every time Dennis decides he wants to be "differ­ent," and I will not be upset to see the Bulls and Dennis Rodman part com­pany after this season, as most NBA observers believe they will.

Unfortunately Rodman/is not the only athlete whose behavior, on or off the playing field, is giving sports a black eye. In the past few years we have seen, among other things, base­ball players spitting at umpires, bas­ketball players throw towels at their coaches, and another baseball player give his hometown fans the finger. (Of course, the finger incident was in New York, so the fans probably chalked it up as just another day in the Big Apple.) And these were only on-the­field incidents; let us not forget the various arrests for drugs, sexual as­sault, and even murder that have met some of our sports "heroes" recently. All this boorish behavior by athletes, of course, begs the question: is sports merely reflecting the society at large, or is sports one of the many influences

actually contributing to the slow, rather painful death of civility in our culture?

When pondering this question, it is useful to remember that some of our greatest athletes were never ex­actly paragons of virtue. Ty Cobb, one of baseball's immortals, was not only notorious for his ruthless and dirty style of play on the diamond, but also made it a habit to go up into the stands and beat up any fan who he felt, in today's parlance, had "dissed" him. Babe Ruth never saw a meal, not to mention a stiff drink or a woman, that he didn't like. On-the-field vio­lence by athletes is nothing new; wit­ness San Francisco Giants pitcher Juan Marichal's clubbing of Dodger catcher John Roseboro with a base­ball bat during a game in the mid Sixties, because he felt that Roseboro had come too close to hitting him in the head when he threw the ball back to Sandy Koufax on the mound.

It is probably a little dangerous to answer the question about sports and society definitively one way or the other. However, it does seem safe to surmise that many athletes forget that their money or fame does not exempt them from observing common guidelines of decency. Yet, this is

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partly our fault as fans. Why? Be­cause no matter what these athletes seem to do, we continue to pay pots of money to see them perform. Even after all of his fines and suspensions, Dennis Rodman will make more money this season than most of us will probably make in our entire lives. Mike Tyson was convicted of rape, and people will still pay hundreds of dollars for a ringside seat at one of his fights.

In some respects, it is nonethe­less heartening to see fans adopt such a "forgive and forget" attitude, for we must not forget that these athletes are, indeed, human. However, recog­nizing that athletes are also imper­fect people who make mistakes does not give them free license to be as "bad as they wanna be." Perhaps we sometimes set the standard too high in looking to our sports icons as "he­roes," but athletes should understand when they sign their big money con­tracts that being in the public eye carries a responsibility: not to be sinless saints, but to simply be de­cent, considerate human beings. That's something that even the Den­nis Rodmans of the world, in their quest to be "eccentric," ought to be capable of doing. Ml,

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MICHIGAN REVIEW LIVING CULTURE _ __ -----..:.------1 17

Mt§kashing Pnmpkins Rock Toledo BY SIMON EINSPAHR

F IRST OF ALL, THE SMASH­ing Pumpkins rock. Although they may be better known for

their studio wizardry, the fact remains that they are an incredible live band. After seeing them in Toledo on Janu­ary 22, I can say that they are the best band around today.

The Smashing Pumpkins had a rollercoaster ofa year in 1996. After releasing their epic double-album "Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sad­ness," the band embarked on a Euro­pean tour, in which one girl in Dublin was killed in a mosh pit, and drum­mer Jimmy Chamberlin's drug prob­lems worsened. This carne to a head last July, when touring keyboardist Jonathan Melvoin died of a heroin: overdose and Chamberlin was ar­rested for possession. The group was forced to cancel an entire leg of their tour, and soon after fired Chamberlin. After hiring Matt Walker from Filter to fill the drum vacancy, the band once again hit the road, playing in every nook and cranny in the United States, sounding refreshed and bet-

ter than ever. The gargantuan Infinite Sadness

tour finally rolled into T9ledo, bring­ing with it one of the most inspired shows I've ever seen. I saw the Pump­kins in East Lansing and in Grand Rapids last year, but these were larger "arena" venues. However, Savage Hall in Toledo is much smaller, and I had a feeling that the band would enjoy it much more, as there wouldn't be as many MTV/radio fairweather fans in the crowd. As is the custom, the lights went off and a recorded version of the instrumental "Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness" played over the speakers. This got the crowd anxious to see the band come on stage. Then the band unexpectedly launched into "The Aeroplane Flies High (Turns Left, Looks Right)," a B-side from Mellon Collie and title track from their new box set. Next, we were treated to a ferocious version of the rarely-performed "J ellybelly ," featuring their signature wall of gui­tars sound. After, a standard but beau­tiful version of "Tonight, Tonight," they played "Rhinoceros" from their debut album "Gish," a treat, as they

rarely squeeze "pre-grunge" songs into the set. Pumpkin leader Billy Corgan's soloing was incredible, while guitaristJ ames Iha and bassist D'arcy were both on target. Matt Walker also sounded incredible, pounding out ev­ery song with gritty determination. Billy Corgan's voice was duly wonder­ful.

The sound was perfect: ear-split­ting but intelligible. After another rarity "Here Is No Why," the band ripped through both "Zero" and "Fuck You (An Ode To No One)" double­time, showcasing the bands musical prowess and aggres!$ion. A highlight was "Porcelina of the Vast Oceans," a fifteen minute epic of trippy guitars and psychedelic soundscapes accom­panied by a fitting light show; the audience was mesmerized.

A definite highpoint of the show was "Thru The Eyes of Ruby, "with an extended jam at the end of the song which has to be heard to be believed. They played a short instrumental best described as a mix of Grateful Dead and the Beatles, which Corgan al­luded to as the future of the band.

After a short break, the band came· r

•

back and Iha sang "Bad Moon Rising" by CCR, and then the band jokingly played "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" be­fore playing an excellent version of their rock anthem "X'y.U."

After playing a phenomenal ver­sion of their signature song, "Cherub Rock," the band again left the stage, with only about 25% of the audience remaining to pray for more music. The drummer carne out by himself and began to play. This was a new tribal version of "Silverfuck." It was amazing, because after about 30 min­utes, D'arcy and James left the stage and Walker and Corgan just fooled around,jamming on various riffs, once playing "Spiders" from the Ransom Soundtrack. After they appeared to be finished, the lights carne back on but they began again. Finally, after about 3 hours of music, Corgan waved goodbye, grateful to us for staying. I have never been to a show where the band had such a good time, sounded so good, and so connected with the crowd. The show was next to perfect, and I highly recommend that anyone, go see them live, for they will not be disappointed. Mt

A Tame Rollins Speaks in Ann Arbor BY TOM JOLLIFFE

H ENRYROLLINSSHOWED up at the Michigan Theater on J,anuary 17 as a part of

his "Public Insomniac # 1" tour. Post­ers called it "An evening of s~oken word," meaning Rollins Band's vocal­ist sans band: just Hank and his mike. So right away you're imagining this tour-de-force monologue in which Rollins exposes the failings and cor­ruption of society, and perhaps reads some intense and eye-opening free­verse poetry to bqot, right? After all, as the incredibly productive Rollins - he's consistently churning out books and albums under his own la­bel , 2.13.61- said in his latest book Eye Scream (1996) "As an American, I feel it impossible not to be infuriated by the way things are and have been. I refuse to be happy about the day to day and go along with it." Further­more, they say that while Rollins's spoken word concerts are rife with humor, such humor is of the razor sharp kind: scathing, dark, and bit­ter. I expected to leave the show as a new member of the Public Insomniac Army, either fuming about ubiqui­tous incompetence or brimming with war-on-weakness zeal. Of the audi­ence, the leather-clad Black Flag

holdovers barely outnumbered the sweater-and-Ioafers-types, reinforc­ing my notion that Rollins's hard­hitting insights would transcend so­cial divisions. Well, to cut to the chase, I must have fallen asleep during the heavy and bitter or else Friday, Janu­ary 17 was some kind of limited edi­tion concert called "A Tribute to Jerry Seinfeld."

For one, I couldn't believe that this Henry Rollins on stage was the same guy who recorded that 'blister­ing single "Liar" from a few years ago, let alone believe that this even-tem­pered man can sustain anger beyond four seconds, From the get-go he seemed entirely accessible, balanced, and good-natured, and you're think­ing,"I could befriends with this guy." Of course, a good nature doesn't nec­essarilypreclude a potential for grab­and-shake-you oration. However, neither does it necessitate a razor sharp sense of humor. Which brings us back to our postulate that Rollins this evening must have been honor­ing "Friday Night at the Improv," because his two and half hour show ran the gamut of standard stand-up comic material: 1) long lines and frus­tration at airports, 2) New York City life and it's "Screw You" attitude, 3) variousjokes about sex. \Vere he some

no-name on the stand-up circuit, they'd say "Likeable guy, not terribly original or particularly hilarious though" and he'd be back to his day job. So, I kept waiting for Henry to say "All right, enough smiling, time to make you guys sit up and listen" but it never happened; his processed "lis­ten what happened to me yesterday" friendliness kept me in a bemused, glassy-eyed state. Still, his geniality saved the show, for after all, you did like listening to him; it's like staying up late talking to a muscle-bound chatty hallmate with a crew cut. Plus,' Rollins did spin some amusing sto­ries, the best concerning his purchase of 'a "loser futon" (as opposed to a larger one for couples) and also his enduring competition with Iggy Pop, in which the two stars invariably try to out-berserk each other duringjoint concerts. Also interesting were his descriptions of meeting "cool" people like James Brown and doing studio session work with RuPaul; they were amusing glimpses into the music­icon community.

Still, if SUCh stories weren't in­tended as purely vehicles for humor, then I missed their point. On this note, I'll have to say that some of his stuff was kind of stale. How many comedians love to complain about

their apartment? Rollins is no excep­tion. His innumerable "guy-stuff' jokes were of the Tim Allen vein, but instead of the carpenter's signature grunt indicating "guy" excitement, Rollins gestured with a certain part of his anatomy. His speculation about airports encouraging passengers to intentionally exasperate him is · the stuff of countless comics, i.e. , Eddie Murphy in Raw: "Yes .. . he's here. Yes him." Surprisingly absent this evening was evidence of Rollins's reputation as social watchdog. Instead, much of his monologue dealt with things like the people he knows or his own body ("and the last thing they see after getting hip checked into the wall is my taut, well defined ass moving briskly away from them.") Like jello, Rollins's performance was colorful and buoyant, but ultimately rather simple.

Nonetheless, Rollins's unflagging energy kept us listening for two and a halfhours, and people were definitely sorry to see him leave. So whither the famed Rollins fury? Perhaps such is Ann Arbor's benign influence on erst­while vitriolic artists? Hmmmm. In any event, upon returning home I suffered no insomnia, although I did stay up to catch my favorite late night spoken word artist, David Letterman. Mt

>\' l.J Music A TrtbuteY

' to Shawn Smith BY SIMON EINSPAHR AND JAMIE SMITH

F OR THE PAST FOUR years, Shawn Smith has been quietly building an outstand­

ing musical catalogue. Shawn's ex­ceptional talents as a singer­songwriter-keyboardisthave been the centerpiece of five albums in the last four years. While Shawn Smith cer­tainly has a penchant for writing pop songs, he also has an ambient side which most clearly surfaces in his collaborations with producer Steve Fisk; it was called Pigeonhed. This project, quite popular in Europe, was ignored in the United States because of its eccentricity. Smith returned to his soulful side with his official band Satchel's debut, EDC, released in 1994. The album was loosely based on the movie Reservoir Dogs, containing bits of dialogue from the film. In the last six months, both Satchel and Pigeonhed released their sophomore efforts. Jamie chose to review Satchel's The Family, while Simon reviewed the new Pigeonhed album.

On their eponymous debut m

1993, Pigeonhed explored more tech­nological routes and sidetracks, pro­ducing an incredible array of sound landscapes and danceable trippy bal­lads. Pigeonhed (Shawn Smith and producer Steve Fisk) returns in 1997 with a new batch of songs, this time adding more funk to the mix. While the new album, "The Full Sentence", is not as cohesive as their debut, the songmanship is just as stellar. While the album seems to have two distinct personalities - a piano-based, slower tempo feel and more upbeat, hip-hop sound - all the songs on "The Full Sentence" have a tighter, more dedi­cated feel, putting another spin on Shawn Smith's already impressive catalog.

Many ofthe stand-out tracks are up-tempo and funkier, such as the album opener, "It's Like The Man Said" and "31st of July," which center around a solid groove in the bass-line and sampled drum-loops and key­boards. Other tracks such as "Glory Bound" and "Fire's Coming Down," from last year's Hype! Soundtrack combine this groove with Shawn Smith's indelible falsetto and catchy

Washington Remembered Continued from Page 14

"under vine and fig tree" at his beloved Mount Vernon all of his life; yet, when his country not only wanted but needed him to serve, he answered the call. Washington took these positions to do something, not to be something - once again unlike Mr. Clinton, who has spent almost his entire adulthood saying whatever the moment requires so that he could be something, whether attorney general of Ar­kansas, governor, or president.

In the latter part of the book Brookhiser sets out to show what it means to refer to Washington as the nation's "founding father" - a reference first made to Washing­ton while he was still living, in 1778. As he astutely observes, the notion of being the "father" of his country was not a trivial one for George Washington, who was un­able to father his own offspring. (Martha W a&hington had four chil­dren from a previous marriage, so we know that it was Washington himself who could not have chil­dren.) As Brookhiser suggests, "[Washington] had to invent sub­stitute children. The children he

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settled on were his countrymen." He spoke often about the nation's respon­sibility to "the destiny of unborn mil­lions" who would one day live there. One of the most important things a father does is set an example for his offspring; Washington fulfilled this role excellently. He established the dignity of the presidency for its future occupants to maintain, as well as the wise example of voluntarily limiting one's self to two terms in office, a precedent upheld by every president until Franklin Roosevelt, and now codified in the Constitution. Most im­portantly, though, through his actions he set an example for all Americans about how to govern themselves; as Brookhiser correctly asserts, the first act oftaking part in a society based on self-government is knowing how to govern one's self.

Perhaps Washington's most im­portant "fatherly" act, however, was that he did something that every good father must bring himself to do -let go. He knew that the fledgling nation must learn to survive without him. In his Farewell Address, he noted the the "auspicious period" when the United States had been founded, and declared that "if their Citizens should

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hooks to create some of Smith's finest The band compliments Shawn work yet. Smith and veteran producer welL John Hoag's ethereal guitar hooks Fisk salute Prince in the tracks "Battle layer nicely with Smith's piano and Flag" and the instrumental funk-for- keyboard melodies. Bassist Mike Berg tress "P-Street." lays down solid rhythms on ''Tomor-

These tracks trade-off with row" and "Not Too Late" which Regan Smith's signature ballads, such as Hagar punctuates with his no-non-the gorgeous title track and "Who's To sense drumming. Blame," featuring Smith's wonderful Throughout The Family Shawn piano playing. The album's closers, speaks out with a tone of conviction, "For Those Gone On" and "Honor" are even accusation at times. His definite especially beautiful, showcasing view on the way his world is chal-Pigeonhed's ability to pierce through lenges others to fmd their own; as he you with their music. Fellow Seattlites says in "Some More Trouble" "you got Kim Thayil and Jerry Cantrell also to be sure! What you're fighting for." make guitar cameos on "Marry Me" Like an awakening to the self-depre-and "Phunpurephun," two of the al- cating people that Nirvana has left bums harder tracks. All in all, "The behind, he says: "How many shots Full Sentence" is yet another compel- does it take! to kick yourself down! ling addition to Shawn Smith's musi- Cause you feel unsatisfied." Shawn cal palette. Rating: 8.5 out of 10 isn't trying to tell his listeners what to

Satchel: The Family do, he's simply trying to prompt them Shawn Smith's second effort with to do something" like in "Criminal Satchel, entitled The Family yields a Justice": "Crowd around and tell 'em well-balanced album. Standing at the now! I ain't about to tell you howl just center of the sound is Smith. He ma- get off your ass and run" While some nipulates his vocals to create a vari- may not know what it is they should be ety of moods; at times it's a razor- doing, I think Mr. Smith has certainly sharp probe, at others a heartfelt cOll:-"~ found his calling, and that's making fession. . great music. Rating: 8 out of 10.lVR

not be completely free and happy, the fault will be entirely their own" - in other words, I've done my job, but now it's up to you. His decision to not seek an automatic third term in office was wise not only for the example it set for his successors, but because it allowed the nation to stand on its own feet and see that, because he had done such an excellent job as "father", they could go on without him. Once again, we find an example Clinton would be wise to emulate. Faced with a hostile Con­gress and thus unable to pursue large initiatives, Clinton has seemingly ac­cepted a role as America's resident moral nag, a cranky father figure who won't "let go", always whining about smoking or TV violence or whatever else irritates him at the moment. AB Brookhiser makes clear in the book, Washington was successful because he was a good man in the Dirty Harry sense - he "knew his limitations"; he had good judgement. Partly because his generation is so enamored with its own moral preening, Clinton often fails to recognize his limitations, and this is usually when he makes his biggest mistakes.

Rediscovering George Washing­ton by way of Mr. Brookhiser's fine book helps one appreciate the great man Washington was, but it also makes one realize what a mixed bless-

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ing it is to have had a founding period with so many articulate and intelligent persons - Jefferson, Franklin, Madison, Hamilton, Adams, and of course Washington himself. While their wisdom has allowed our nation to survive strong and free for over two centuries, their +>resence in our past has con­denmed us to constantly pining away for a long lost Golden Age, when our politics was about prin­ciple, not power and self-aggran­dizement. (If you need proof of this theory, go back to the beginning of this review and read again ... ) It is hilarious, if not also ultimately de­pressing, to imagine any of our recent political leaders being re­membered as "first in waf, first in peace, first in the hearts of his countrymen. " Yet, that is how we will remember George Washing­ton, especially after reading Brookhiser's book. The next time you take a dollar out of your wallet, you might stop for a moment and see him as more than a "dead white male"; instead, you may see him as the man whose courage,judgement, and decency helped make possible the freedoms we enjoy today; you may remember the example he set as you take part in the great ex­periment which he began. l\R

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MICHIGAN REVIEW LIVING CULTURE .~ I I February 5,199 II-.. •. --~" " , __ ,,,~._ •. * . _ _ ~ .. ___ ._ .. _ .. .

~ Music , Fresh Sounds Spell Success

BY CHRIS HAYES

K ULA SHAKER IS FROM England. They have emerged from the Brit-pop scene on

the coat tails of Oasis . This is true and undeniable . Kula Shaker is not like Oasis . This is also true and undeni­able.

Getting their name from an an-

cient lndian :----.. -... -;;~J i emperor , Kula i Kula Shaker Shnker co m- i K bines a famil -l Columbia Records iar inf1uence of~-... ---The Beatles . The Doors, and the un­der-appreciated Stone Roses on their debut album. "Chris," you ask, "Why are you telling us about this band?"

\Vhy, because they are like no one else to hit the music scene in quite some tim e. Their sound is a unique blend of rock from the above influ­ences along with a strong influence from Middle Eastern music. While defini tely a rock and roll album, "K" is a versatile and eclectic disc lead by Crispian Mills' surging guitars and energetic vocals, interwoven with strong undertones of Indian instru-

mentation, tribal beats, and even the occasional Sanskrit lyrics.

"Tatva," the only single to hit the US so far, shows their ability to mix rock and Indian music with the result of a solid pop tune. "303" crosses later Beatles influence with Doors classic organs and Hendrix guitars. "Govinda" holds a strong tribal beat along with Indian instruments while covered with rock beats and guitars, yet sung entirely in Sanskrit.

Kula Shaker's experimentation with Indian music, Indian spiritual­ity, combined with a solid song writ­ing base puts them in the lead of fresh rock and roll . If you haven't heard "K", you are missing out on one of the best experimentation of rock and roll in quite some time. Pass the falafel, please.

J AMIROQUAI DOES NOT belong in the nineties. They do not have a nineties sound. It is

that simple. They write songs that most likely belong on the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. For this rea­son, they have created a huge follow­ing in the UK. Their songs can be

heard night in and night out in every club, revitalizing the age of leisure suits and John Travolta .

Formed in 1992, J amiroquai cre­ated a massive underground buzz when J' . th' anuroqual f' el~ Travelling Without Moving ~e, S2 (Sony Music)

''When You Gonna Learn?" was re­leased on London label Acid Jazz. Mter revitalizing the club scene with their blend of soul, disco, funk, and R&B, Jamiroquai came up with an eight record deal from S2.

"Travelling Without Moving" is their third album and has just been released domestically in the U.S., but has been available since September on import. "Travelling Without Mov­ing" follows in the trend that Jamiroquai has started for them­selves. A bit more influenced by the seventies than their previous albums, it is a crisper, more concentrated sound than before, but without any true mix of influences that keep things inter­esting. "Cosmic Girl" and "Everyday" are powerful singles with classic disco funk beats and melodic choruses thet

are hard to get out of your mind while "Drifting Along" gives a strong reggae aftertaste. "Travelling Without Mov­ing" gets a bit trite after the sixth or so track and leaves a desire for an­other level of experimentation, but does not quite deliver. On a whole, however, Jamiroquai produces a solid album worth a close listen. l\R

Hey, You There! Dig Music?

Shouldn't you enlighten the campu~ with exciting and en­thusiastic reviews of your fa­vorite bands'? Or perhaps you know a terrible album that pre­sents a mortal threat to the U-1\1 student body? Shouldn't you do sonll'thing about it'? Give Chris a call at GG2- 1909 OJ' you can t'- mail lllrl'\'@'umieh .('du fil!' mort' information.

Star Wars Score: Limited Edition BY CHRIS HAYES almost a prerequisite. If you did not U.s. and the otherhalfin Europe. The work. Very few composers have ttuY

have Boba Fett than you couldn't be casing has one of those embossed ability to paint a picture and create a

S TAR WARS IS BACK IN my friend (and that hasn't changed). metallic logos on the cover to make it mood the way Williams does. The theaters. If this comes as Now the movies have been re- look speciaL The discs are laser etched movie proceeds in the musical score shocking news please put down released in the theaters, digitally mas- and a twenty-page book is included even without the visual picture. Work

the paper and go back to your cave. teredandenhanced,alongwithanum- with a bunch of fun facts and liner on the original album gave him three The first episode ofthe classic trilogy notes, new photos, and recording of his sixteen Grammy Awards. Along was released in theaters on Friday in schedule logs. with the Grammy Awards that year, celebration of its twentieth anniver- Star Wars (A New Hope) is the Williams also won the "Best Original sary. Chances are you were not able only one released thus far, with the Score" Academy Award, beating out to get tickets for last weekend show next two being released in correspon- his other nomination for Close En-since evening shows were sold out by dence to the release of the movies. A counters of the Third Kind. If you are mid-week. New Hope makes it difficult to wait unfamiliar with the motion picture

"What is the hype all about'?" you forthenexttwo. On top of sounding as scores John William's has composed, ask. Obviously as a child you never good as a twenty-year old recording let me throw out a few: Jaws, Raiders dressed up as Luke Skywalker or Prin- possibly could, it has been placed in of the Lost Ark, Jurassic Park, and cess Leia for Halloween. Nor did you chronological sequence, which was not Schindler's List. William's is truly have the Darth Vader carrying case done for the original films. All of John one the best as well as one ofthe most to house all your action figures like Williams' pieces are included, even a influential composers today. Gre~do and Hammer Head. And you number of which were not included in Yes, all three double discs are a probably didn't have the glow-in-the- the original movie. Placed in the nar- hefty investment, probably running dark light sabers that made that cool rative flow ofthe original pieces, the around ninety or so bucks forallthree, noise when swiped through the air . I ber of unreleased and new scenes. added tracks succeed in what Wil- and probably not for all except collec-feel sorry for you. Actually, I pity you. CooL So obviously, the soundtracks liams originally saw as the complete tors and lovers ofthe' Star Wars Tril-Call your parents and yell at them for for the trilogy has been released also. narration. Also included as "hidden ogy. The investment in one, at least, depri ving you. RCA Victor decided to release each bonus tracks" are all five takes ofthe is truly an investment for anyone who

Star Wars has been a religion for soundtrack separately in double disc "Star Wars Main Title" which, unlike can appreciate a gifted and influen-a generation of boys and girls born in sets. This is a lot of music and, even many archive tracks, sound surpris- tial composer. John Williams is one of the seventies. Yes, I was one year old more so, a lot to ask from consumers. ingly different and do not give you the them. Well, as long as I am telling you when Star Wars was released, but I However, they have made it quite urge to skip over them. tobuystuff,yououghttopickupJohn swear to this day I remember watch- worthwhile. As well as reviving the music of William's collection of movie themes. ing it at a drive-in theater with the Each soundtrack is limited edi- Star Wars ,the double disc truly shows It has all his best known works on a family. From there it is history. Every tion, rumored to have a distribution the mastery of John Williams and the single disc. It's not limited edition,

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