I Bequeath
Transcript of I Bequeath
IIBequeath…Bequeath…
FFROMROM GenerationGeneration TOTO GenerationGeneration
Domestic violence is a widespread crisis. In recorded history, it has been
found that domestic violence has been the most avoided and secret social
crisis.1 However, with the increased documentation of the prevalence of
domestic violence and the heightened awareness and education domestic violence
has become more accepted as a social problem rather than a family problem.
And although there are more and more men stepping forward as victims of
domestic violence at the hands of women, the tables are more often turned in
this patriarchal society where we are still searching for answers and
solutions.
Only recently has research been conducted regarding the prevalence of domestic
violence and its impact on the individuals and society. Prior to the
seventies, domestic violence was highly on a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. It
still carries with it multiple stigmas and misunderstandings, particularly for
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male victims. And, in many ways, it remains a “domestic” issue, where law
enforcement is reluctant to become involved in family matters.
My name is Luka
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes I think you've seen me before
If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble. some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
I think it's because I'm clumsy
I try not to talk too loud
Maybe it's because I'm crazy
I try not to act too proud
They only hit until you cry
And after that you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore
You just don't argue anymore
You just don't argue anymore
Yes I think I'm okay
I walked into the door again
Well, if you ask that's what I'll say
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And it's not your business anyway
I guess I'd like to be alone
With nothing broken, nothing thrown
Just don't ask me how I am
Just don't ask me how I am
Just don't ask me how I am19
As awareness of the problem grows, so does support of the fact that something
has to be done, socially and legally18, to change and intervene in the cycle
of the civil wars, which are fought in many homes every day.
Domestic violence has many contributing factors, both for the perpetrator and
the victim. There is an abundance of literature and studies done to discuss
the prevalence of domestic violence, the risk factors involved and proposed
interventions for successfully reducing familial violence. Amongst the
characteristics discussed are prototypes of the individual, the family of
origin, and distorted thinking patterns involved in justifying and defending
the abuse.
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As is evidenced in much of the research, a high proportion of batterers were
victims themselves at one time, most often through experiencing child abuse or
witnessing parental domestic violence incidents.1,17 Coupled with substance
abuse (particularly early onset of substance abuse), these are two of the most
predominating risk factors for the existence of domestic violence.
Another strong predictor of domestic violence is the batterer’s need for power
and control17, despite the long utilized interventions focusing on anger
management. Although anger or stress may be a trigger, it is definitely not
the cause. The cause of domestic violence is better described as a method of
coping with the underlying belief system that violence is a cure-all,
especially where one person has the upper hand. Many men who abuse also
believe that they are superior, have the final word, and have the right to be
domineering in their inter-gender relationships.1,10 It is also supported by
research that those who become violent while intoxicated often use the alcohol
as a scapegoat for their behavior. However, it is also shown that those
incidents which occur while the batterer is intoxicated are often more severe
than those which occur during sobriety. A substance abuse counselor for the
courts stated that “’While [he couldn’t] say drinking is the cause of domestic
abuse, it definitely pours gasoline on the fire,” he said. “If we can get
them sober, we have a good chance of not seeing them again,” he said. “Most
of the time, if they are not drinking, they are not hitting their wives.” 3
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6
Most batterers utilize the same techniques of control and share an underlying
belief system of relationships. For example, many batterers feel that by
threatening their partner or using physical violence they will produce
change.14 In addition, batterers often hold strong traditional gender role
stereotypes, are overly jealous, and expects his partner to be a “mind
reader”, often anticipating and always fulfilling his needs.14 In short, a
batterer expects his partner to be a puppet and him the master. She is not
to speak her mind or think for herself. In addition, they also have a
tendency to have other underlying psychological problems. “More than 50% of
batterers suffer from alcoholism, antisocial personality, or recurrent
depression.”8 Some believe that if the batterer perceived a sense of equality
in the relationship and between women and men as a whole, the violence would
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sharply decrease or even cease, thus looking at socialization and
resocialization of men.12
Domestic violence, as does substance abuse, becomes a classic example of a co-
dependent relationship. The more traditional the batterer is in his idea of
gender roles and the more power he holds (or believes he should hold) in the
relationship, the higher the likelihood that domestic violence will occur. 1
The abuser is driven by an internal belief that his partner needs to be
controlled and submissive, wherein the controlling and violent behavior
follows close behind.1 This is often a result of the batterer witnessing
domestic violence as a child, experiencing child abuse (especially physical),
and attributing violence to resolution. 1 The proceeding violence becomes the
center of the relationship of which everything else revolves, both for the
abuser and the victim. 8 It becomes a predictable pattern of unpredictable
rage, ever increasing in its intensity. And as the cycle of violence
continues, so does the cycle of emotional co-dependence.8 The behavior
becomes accepted, and expected. An emotional resistance to the tolerance
builds, as does the body build a physical tolerance to substances. The victim
is then able to take more and more abuse, wherein the abuser needs to increase
the level of abuse to feel the same sense of control, power, and adrenaline. 8
Table 1: Characteristics of Domestic Violence:
Parallels with DSM-IV Criteria for Substance-Related Disorders8
1. Loss of control: The abuser is contrite after the abuse,
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promises not to do it again, yet inevitably the abuse recurs.
2. Continuation despite adverse consequences: The victim
experiences emotional, sexual, and physical damage and loss of
self-esteem; the abuser experiences remorse and guilt at times,
but the abuse continues.
3. Preoccupation or obsession: The abuser is preoccupied with
controlling the victim and (if sexual violence is involved)
with maintaining access to sexual gratification.
4. Development of tolerance: Initially a testing of violence; the
victim gets desensitized and tolerates increasing levels; the
violence escalates in frequency and/or intensity and/or
diversity.
Domestic violence and substance abuse share many of the same thinking
distortions, personality characteristics, and self-defense mechanisms.2
Domestic violence and addictive disorders do not merely coexist –
they actually share many features. These include loss of control,
continuation despite adverse consequences, preoccupation or
obsession, tolerance and withdrawal, involvement of the entire
family and, in fact, of multiple generations, and use of the
defenses of denial, minimization, and rationalization. In both
cases it is difficult for the partner to leave.8
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Although some abusers may be seen as exhibiting poor impulse control2, this
would only be accurate if the abuser is unable to control his anger and
aggression in other social areas and contexts of his life (i.e. at work, a
restaurant) and against others other than his partner or children. By
confining his behavior, however, the batterer shows that he does have impulse
control in many situations, thus leading us to believe that his abuse is not
merely an issue of poor impulse control. Many functional alcoholics can
control the time and place they consume alcohol, just as many batterers are
able to control their rage and aggression in social situations but not when
they are in the privacy and “safety” of their own home. 10 In addition, both
addicts and batterers often try to convince loved ones that they are sorry,
they will change, and “it will never happen again”. Regardless of whether or
not the perpetrator is authentic in their promises, they rarely follow through
and have a quick rate of relapse. While studies agree that substance abuse
does not increase the instance of domestic violence in and of itself, there is
a clear link between the two.10
Another example of a common cause relates to the frequent co-
occurrence of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) and early-
onset (i.e., type II) alcoholism. ASPD is a psychiatric disorder
characterized by a disregard for the rights of others, often
manifested as a violent or criminal lifestyle. Type II alcoholism
is characterized by high heritability from father to son; early
onset of alcoholism (often during adolescence); and antisocial,
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sometimes violent, behavioral traits. Type II alcoholics and
persons with ASPD overlap in their tendency to violence and
excessive alcohol consumption and may share a genetic basis. 2
It was also surprising that many batterers increased their violence purely
with the belief that they had been drinking, indicating that the effect of
alcohol is a secondary effect to the physical act of drinking.4, 2 There is
also evidence to suggest that, although alcohol is not the cause of domestic
violence, those with more of a propensity or acceptance of violence may be
more willing to use that violence while intoxicated due to decreased
inhibitions and increased probability that the batterer will “interpret his
partner's behavior as arbitrary, aggressive, abandoning, or overwhelming.
Batterers may be more likely than non-batterers to misinterpret the actions of
their partners in this manner, and substances enhance the
misinterpretation.”17 There is also a strong belief that one is led to domestic
violence, and often substance abuse, from a high risk taking personality (i.e.
Type A Personality).2
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…He Promised
Aside from promises made, promises are not kept. Domestic violence has high
morbidity rates for victims, especially when the batterer is under the
influence. 10 And although the high morbidity rates for partners of alcoholics
are not present, the family dynamics and abuser characteristics contain many
parallels. For example, both contain a high degree of denial. The abuser
believes that he can change his actions at any time, but repeats his
destructive behavior at the expense of his family. When substance abuse is
used as an “escape” from the troubles of home and family life, it is found
that the instance of domestic violence increases.9 Often times, the
consumption of alcohol is used as an excuse for intolerable behavior, trying
to remove the guilt and often times increasing the instance of abuse when the
subject just believes they have consumed alcohol.10, 17, 20
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Table 2: Other Parallels Between Domestic Violence and Addictions8
Domestic violence and addictive disorders have the following common
features:
1. They adversely affect intimacy and sexuality.
2. They constitute family disorders, and adversely affect all
family members across generational lines.
3. They involve ritualization of behavior. The cycle of violence
and the cycle of addiction both include periods of escalation of
behavior, often followed by a time of contrition and promises to
change and give up the behavior, followed by a time of
increasing tension and then a return to behavioral acting out.
4. They involve the use and abuse of power for personal gain and
gratification. There is ego expansion and relief of tension when
using substances and with the exertion of or threat of violence.
5. They initially tend to be restricted to the home environment,
but in late disease stages may involve behavior expressed in the
workplace.
6. They result in shame, guilt, decreased self-esteem, and
emotional numbness.
7. They are characterized by denial, minimization, and
rationalization.
8. Domestic partners and family members have great difficulty
intervening with or abandoning the affected individual.
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Many abusers also justify their behavior, stating that they are entitled to
drink after a long day at work, or they are warranted in hitting their partner
due to her disobliging and obstinate actions. Many of these beliefs
contributing to domestic violence are often linked to rigid, traditional,
gender stereotypes and the notion of male dominance and authority. Another
theory is that alcohol triggers chemicals in the brain that are also
associated with higher rates of aggression, such as serotonin and
testosterone.2 Additionally, the level of marital satisfaction and financial
stress have also found to be indicators of abuse.9, 17
There are additional other theories of why men batter and, in effect, how to
begin to intervene and break the often generational cycle of violence. For
example, Prince and Arias13 state that the batterers perceived locus of
control could be a significant contributor to the physical and emotional
violence bestowed. For example, they state that when a man perceives himself
as having a low external locus of control, he is more likely to batter than a
man who perceives himself as having a high external locus of control. Prince
and Arias also examine the role of a perceived low internal locus of control
on the reason why a man will batter his partner1:
Low Internal Locus of Control
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Low Self
Esteem
Violence used in response to
frustration
High Self
Esteem
Violence used to gain a sense of
control
It was found that low self-esteem not only affected the perceived locus of
control, but also increased the instances of stress within the relationship,
alcoholism, as well as a higher approval of domestic violence. 1
One explanation for this phenomenon may be that men who feel
powerless because of low self-esteem, or who feel little control
over others, or life events have a high need for power…. Another
hypothesized that men who view intimacy with women as dangerous,
threatening and uncontrollable can become highly anxious and
angry. The research suggest that these feelings of psychological
discomfort may then lead to behaviors such as violence against the
partner to control women and to reduce men's anxiety and anger.1
This variance in motivation and justifications used for battering and the
subordinate and co-dependent effect it often has on women makes it very
difficult to not only design but implement an effective intervention. And, as
is true with many addicts, those who batter will have a high rate of
recidivism unless they identify their behavior as a problem and are
intrinsically motivated to change.
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The question remains, then, how do we change an abuser’s external motivation
for change (e.g. avoiding prison) to an internal motivation (e.g. not wanting
to hurt or dominate their partner)? For it has been identified in research
that those men who are internally motivated to change their behavior have a
lower attrition rate and a higher rate of success when entering batterer
intervention programs, as long as it is not being used as another control
tactic against their partner. 1
Not only is the batterer’s source of motivation important, so is the
intervention method used. One of the first programs utilized to address the
underlying issues of the abuser to help curtail further episodes was AMEND
(Abusive Men Exploring New Directions). Although this program was innovative
and helped break new ground in the field of domestic violence, its success was
very limited. The recidivism rates for domestic violence, with or without the
presence of substance abuse, is very discouraging.15 The nature of this
program was far removed from the actual incident for which the perpetrator was
convicted. This, according to the author, was the program’s downfall. They
state that this type of program must be initiated with the perpetrator no more
than twenty-four hours following the domestic violence, providing little
opportunity for the partner to recant or step back from any legal action. In
addition, it is stated that the program must be centered on the needs of the
perpetrator, including:
1. “the need to learn about rational and irrational beliefs;
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2. the need to learn anger control techniques;
3. the need to develop communication skills;
4. the need to learn stress management skills;
5. the need to participate in a support group utilizing shared
experiences and peer support to help in overcoming violent
behavior.”15
Clearly, this program will not work for everyone, even if it is initiated with
in the first twenty-four hours. It does not address the strong denial of the
batterer, as they may not even believe that they have a problem, justifying
away their violent behavior. Additionally, many believe that domestic
violence is not an issue of anger at all5, and solely an issue of power and
control. Another program has a very similar framework, providing an outline
to follow in order of occurrence:
1. Instruct and support the alcoholic-batterer in abstaining from
alcohol use and violence through direct appeal, and through
appropriate treatment modalities (or through legal or formal
sanctions such as restraining orders, job jeopardy, etc.)
2. Confront denial and projection of responsibility.
3. Incorporate recovery programs for addiction concomitant with
anger management and self-control techniques.
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4. Address relapse issues common to both problems, such as
resentment, self-pity, and self-defeating patterns of behavior.
5. Teach assertive communication skills.
6. Educate all parties on the techniques of effective problem
solving, thereby empowering each individual in the system to
behave in his or her personal best interest.
7. Address the needs of the family system. These are inter-
generational problems, and prevention is a primary objective.5
A batterer’s personality has been found to be very instrumental in the type of
intervention used. In an attempt to understand the cycle of violence and
internal drive which leads to domestic violence, many researchers and
theorists have looked at the underlying personality factors of the batterer
and place them into broad categories for treatment. For example, some look at
batterers as being one of the following types:
reactive (violence is isolated to the family and the batterer is
remorseful, basing his violent tendencies on poor impulse control and
anger management)
instrumental (may exhibit borderline tendencies, is the most dangerous
type who is co-dependent and jealous with a need for power and control
in the relationship in line with his view of women and traditional
gender stereotypes)
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antisocial (very manipulative and selfish, exhibits other violent or
criminal behavior, highest tendency of substance abuse, and uses his
partner purely as a means to an end). 7, 12
Intervention methods need to be carefully constructed for the type of batterer
that is being treated. There are multiple studies that show that batterers
show many different characteristics, despite the striking commonalities. For
example, depending up the severity and venue for which the violence takes
place, the perpetrator may have differing underlying psychological problems or
motivations for the abuse. And, instead of focusing primarily on
aggressiveness and anger management, many programs are beginning to shift by
placing equal weight on changing the perpetrator’s distorted thinking patterns
and self esteem. Psychodynamic therapy, therefore, has been found to work well
for dependent men18 whereas cognitive behavioral therapy appears to be more
effective with those men who exhibit antisocial, narcissistic, or avoidant
personality traits, which seems to compromise most of the identified
batterers.12, 21 In addition, there is a strong focus on the abuser’s own family
of origin, often which itself was abusive, providing the abuser with the
belief that violence is just and is appropriately used to resolve
conflicts.1,17 Thus, family systems states that by providing a stronger family
unit in conjunction with couples counseling could well be the answer.12
However, this would be difficult as research suggests that a batterer is not
ready for couples counseling until an individual intervention is successfully
completed and he exhibits the new, learned (and violence free) behavior for at
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least six months or a year.1 Taking this into consideration one could employ
a similar, but alternative model of intervention is utilized. In the FRAMES
model, the batterer is given more control over his own program and treatment
while still providing a consistent model to be followed.
Feedback: Provide feedback to increase awareness of his/her
situation and the ways in which it is harmful.
Responsibility: Emphasize that it is the individuals own decision
to change.
Advice: Provide advice to identify the problems and discuss the
necessity for change.
Menu: Provide a choice of strategies for change.
Empathy: Express acceptance and understanding of the person.
Self–Efficacy: Instill client's perception that he or she can
implement a changed strategy.16
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As is true with children, groups, and communities, the more the recipient of
the program is included in the decision making process, the more invested they
will be in the program itself. By offering them a choice of strategies, they
are able to choose the one they are most comfortable with, admitting that they
have a problem and that they believe that some intervention strategy will help
reduce their violence. It places additional responsibility on the abuser by
stating that now that they are aware that their behavior is unacceptable and
there are alternative ways to act and react, thus making it their decision and
ultimate responsibility towards recovery. As is true in addiction, no one can
make them change. Batterers must change their belief system that justifies the
violence they commit in their relationships.5 In addition, the FRAMES model
emphasizes the need to go where the client is, both by providing a choice of
intervention methods and empathy.
In addition, the criminal justice system needs to become more intimately
involved with domestic violence. Police who repeatedly answered domestic
violence calls and later pressed charges, along with court mandated treatment,
led to the most significant decrease in continued violence. Victims self
reports show that if there is a 50% decrease of recurring violence in the six
months following a case settlement. Police can step up and take their part in
lowering incidents of domestic violence as well. When police coordinated
their efforts with other programs and criminal justice intervention, there was
a marked decrease in recidivism.18
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6
The loss of control and effects of alcohol and drug abuse
contribute significantly to the severity of beatings in abusive
relationships. FBI statistics indicate that thirty percent of
female homicide victims are killed by their husbands or
boyfriends. Battering, unlike the disease of addiction, is a
socially learned behavior which can be reversed if the motivation
for change is realized. Techniques to control one's behavior and
social skills can be relearned to eliminate the violent behavior,
just as life manageability can be attained through a commitment to
recovery. Just as abstinence from a drug is alone insufficient for
true recovery, elimination of violent behavior is just the first
of many steps toward breaking the cycle of domestic violence.11
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By understanding contributing factors to domestic violence and providing
appropriate intervention methods based upon underlying personality and
psychological factors, we can take the next step in domestic violence
intervention and prevention.
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1. Albee, Reid D. Batterer’s Intervention Programs, Why Are They Needed, Are
They Effective? An Overview Of The Causes of Intimate Partner Violence
and Overview of Batterer Intervention Programs and Standards. Retrieved
November 6, 2002, from
http://www.umm.maine.edu/BEX/students/ReidAlbee/rabatterysyn.html
2. Alcohol Alert. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism No. 38 October 1997.
Retrieved November 6, 2002, from
http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/aa38.htm
3. Associated Press. Substance Abuse not Key in Most Domestic Violence.
Journal of Psychoactive Drugs, Vol. 29, No. 4, pp. 337-344. Haight-
Ashbury Publications, San Francisco, California. Retrieved November 6,
2002, from http://www.s-t.com/daily/07-97/07-22-97/a03sr024.htm
4. Bennett, Larry W. Ph.D Substance Abuse and Woman Abuse by Male Partners.
Applied Research Forum: National Electronic Network on Violence Against
Women. February 1998. Retrieved November 6, 2002, from
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5. Family Crisis Center. Adult Violence Intervention Program (Avip)
Frequently Asked Questions (Faq). Retrieved November 6, 2002, from
http://www.family-crisis-center.org/avipfaq.html
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6. Family Crisis Center. Equality Versus Power and Control. Retrieved
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http://www.family-crisis-center.org/equality_power.html
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Domestic Violence is a Hidden Face of Addiction. Journal of Psychoactive
Drugs, Vol 29, pages 337-344, 1997. Haight-Ashbury Publications, San
Francisco, California. Retrieved November 6, 2002, from
http://www.jenniferschneider.com/articles/domestic.html
9. Kenny, Maureen Ph.D. Domestic Violence: Abuse in Families. Retrieved
November 6, 2002, from
http://www.texaspsyc.org/associations/246/files/Abuse_in_Families.doc
10. Lillak, Dale Kay M.S. Alcohol, Drugs and Domestic Violence: What’s The
Connection? Retrieved November 6, 2002, from
http://www.modernlife.org/all_staples1999to2000/1999Months/Octoberissue/
AlcoholDomesticViolenceConnection.htm
11. Mackey, Robert Ph.D., C.A.C., DVS. Facts On: Alcohol, Drugs and Domestic
Violence. Center of Alcohol Studies. Retrieved November 6, 2002, from
http://www.dui.com/oldwhatsnew/Rutgers/domestic.html
Nicole De Smet, LISW I Bequeath: From Generation to Generation Page 23 of 25
12. National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Male Batterers.
Retrieved November 6, 2002, from
http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/malebat.htm
13. Kaufman Kantor, Glenda and Jasinski, Jana L. Dynamics of Partner
Violence and Types of Abuse and Abusers. Family Research Laboratory,
University of New Hampshire. Retrieved November 6, 2002, from
http://www.nnfr.org/research/pv/pv_ch1.htm.
14. The Problem: Predictors of Domestic Violence. Retrieved November 6,
2002, from http://www.ncadv.org/problem/predictors.htm.
15. Roberts, A.R. (1984) "Intervention with the Abusive Partner" in ROBERTS,
A.R. (ed.) Battered Women and their Families: Intervention Strategies
and Treatment Programs Springer Publishing Company; New York: 1984. pp.
84-115. Retrieved November 6, 2002, from
http://www.wise.infoxchange.net.au/DVIM/DVMen-robertsar.htm
16. Stewart, Lynn and Cripps Picheca, Janice. Improving Offender
Motivation for Programming. Living Skills and Family Violence
Prevention Programs Correctional Service of Canada. Retrieved
November 6, 2002, from
http://www.csc-scc.gc.ca/text/pblct/forum/v13n1/v13n1a6e.pdf
17. Substance Abuse and Woman Abuse by Male Partners. Retrieved November 6,
2002, from http://www.enter.net/~wrmc/sawa.html
Nicole De Smet, LISW I Bequeath: From Generation to Generation Page 24 of 25
18. Tolman, Richard M. and Edleson, Jeffery L. Intervention for Men Who
Batter: A Review of Research. Retrieved November 6, 2002, from
http://www.umm.maine.edu/BEX/students/ReidAlbee/rabatterysyn.html
19. Vega, Suzanne. Luka. Retrieved November 6, 2002, from
http://www.vega.net/solitude.htm#luka.
20. von der Pahlen, Bettina The Role Of Alcohol And Steroid Hormones In
Human Aggression. Department of Mental Health and Alcohol Research
National Public Health Institute Helsinki and Finland and Department of
Psychology Åbo Akademi University Åbo, Finland. Retrieved November 6,
2002, from http://www.ktl.fi/publications/2002/A15.pdf
21. White, Robert and Gondolf, Edward. Implications of Personality Profiles
for Batterer Treatment: Support for the Gender-Based, Cognitive-
Behavioral Approach. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 15 (2000), pp. 467-488.
Retrieved November 6, 2002, from
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htm
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