CREATED BY Nick Kroll | Andrew Goldberg | Mark Levin | Jennifer Flackett

EPISODE 1.05

“Girls Are Horny Too” A steamy novel making the rounds at school inspires Jessi to explore her own sexuality -- and leaves the boys totally confused about what girls want.

WRITTEN BY: Victor Quinaz | Emily Altman

DIRECTED BY: Bryan Francis

ORIGINAL BROADCAST: September 20, 2017

NOTE: This is a transcription of the spoken dialogue and audio, with time-code reference, provided without cost by 8FLiX.com for your entertainment, convenience, and study. This version may not be exactly as written in the original script; however, the

intellectual property is still reserved by the original source and may be subject to copyright.

MAIN EPISODE CAST Nick Kroll ... Nick Birch / Maury the Hormone Monster

/ Coach Steve Steve / Lola / Rick the Hormone Monster (voice)

John Mulaney ... Andrew Glouberman / Mint (voice) Jessi Klein ... Jessi Glaser (voice) Jason Mantzoukas ... Jay Bilzerian (voice) Jenny Slate ... Missy Foreman-Greenwald (voice) Fred Armisen ... Elliot Birch (voice) Maya Rudolph ... Diane Birch / Bath Mat (voice) Jordan Peele ... Ghost of Duke Ellington / Cyrus Foreman

/ Atlanta Claus / Magician #2 (voice) Andrew Rannells ... Matthew (voice) Joe Wengert ... Caleb / Go-Gurt Thief / Teacher (voice) Chelsea Peretti ... Monica Foreman-Greenwald (voice) Jon Daly ... Garrison Keillor / Magician #1 (voice) Rosa Salazar ... Ms. Benitez (voice)

1 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:10,093

[Barbara] I'm worried about Alex Trebek. He looks too skinny.

2

00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:12,512 [Marty] Barbara, shush!

You made me miss the question. 3

00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:15,098 [Barbara] Jeopardy! doesn't give

questions, Marty, they give answers. 4

00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,809 [Marty] All right, who is "you know

what the hell I meant"? 5

00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,730 [soft music plays]

6

00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:26,693 -Thank you, sir.

-You are welcome, sir. 7

00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,322 Oh, a virgin sock? Ooh-la-la.

8

00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:34,284 Yes, the elastic on it stretched, so...

9

00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,037 -It's not a foot sock anymore.

-Indeed. 10

00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:40,040 -I have the scriptures, Rabbi Glouberman.

-Thank you. 11

00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,339 Printing out a picture

of your dad's associate Susan 12

00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,049

was a stroke of genius. 13

00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:54,054 -Who knew a kid could just join LinkedIn?

-Not I. Now pull your pud. 14

00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,639 First I must shield the eyes

of the innocent. 15

00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,391 You're a decent man.

16

00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:01,144 Yeah, get that special sauce.

17

00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:04,439 [inhales deeply] It begins.

18

00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:08,943 [Monster] There we go.

Visualize, focus. 19

00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,905 -[gasps]

-[Monster] Interesting. Yes! 20

00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,741 -Yes... -[groans]

21

00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:17,202 Well, how about that?

Plump tomato did it this time. 22

00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:18,912 -Yes.

-You ever actually fuck a tomato? 23

00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:22,040 -It's like fucking a sneeze. -You find a sneeze sexual?

24 00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:25,001 -Ooh, I find everything sexual.

-What about a chair? 25

00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:26,628 -Sit on it, brother.

-An airplane? 26

00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,254 Big dick flying through the sky.

27

00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,423 What about a button-down shirt?

28

00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,383 You mean a gaping butthole and ten clits?

29

00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,301 What?

30

00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,506 Ugh. This thing's like an Ace bandage.

31

00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,424 It looks like I sprained my tits.

32

00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:16,719 Guinea piglet, what are you doing

with that bra? 33

00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,722 -It's the only one I have.

-Get rid! 34

00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,142 Do you ever have anything positive to say?

35

00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,602 -Ex-squash me?

-It's just you're such a bummer. 36

00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:27,814 All you do is make me sore

and hairy and bloated 37

00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:30,108 and, like, want to cry all the time.

38

00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:32,861 -Well, fuck you! -Fuck you too!

39

00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,572 Honey, let's not do this to each other, all right?

40

00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:39,492 We can have fun.

I can make you feel good. 41

00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,327 When have you ever made me feel good?

42

00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,955 Don't you remember the Jacuzzi jets?

43

00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,583 -You were there?

-I've always been there. 44

00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:49,752 Like when your mother

showed you Dirty Dancin'. 45

00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,755 Oh, his hips,

they could do some things. 46

00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,550 Dirty things, and you liked it.

47

00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:59,137 Yeah. It was like a feeling in my stomach, but deep down.

48

00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,471 That's just the beginning.

49

00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:03,349 There's a whole world of feelings

down there. 50

00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:07,020 Now, come here, baby. Let's do the lift.

51

00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,897 -Really? -Really.

52

00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:13,276 We are gonna have the time of our lives.

53

00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:18,531 How is writing a book report a skill I'm ever gonna use in real life?

54

00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,074 When I'm an NBA point guard,

55

00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,368 it's not like I'll write a report

about how well I dunked. 56

00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,704 I'm doing mine on the current issue

of Abraca-Daily. 57

00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:28,124 But Ms. Razz said that it had to be on a work of historical fiction.

58

00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:31,377 Ms. Razz can suck my historical dick-tion.

[laughs] 59

00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,963 Nailed it. I already read this. Why would I read something else?

60

00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,634 I don't mind reading so much.

My book's pretty cool. Ask me about it. 61

00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:41,387 "What's it about, Andrew?" It's about

an astronomer in the Middle Ages 62

00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,057 who discovers another planet,

and the church is mad. 63

00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:46,559 -So he has to go to the Vatican--

-Ooh, the Vatican? 64

00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:50,772 -Does he kill hookers?

-No, but he does perjure himself. 65

00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,273 [gasps]

66

00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,943 Oh, boy-oy-oy-oy...

67

00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:59,239 -Uh, you okay over there, Missy?

-This book is... [stammers] 68

00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,699 Really good!

It's called The Rock of Gibraltar. 69

00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,035 It won the Gerson Prize for historical fiction.

70

00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:06,704

You should read it, for Gustavo alone. 71

00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,622 [guitar strums]

72

00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:09,040 What's the book about?

73

00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:11,376 Ooh! Well...

74

00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,629 the book takes place

during the Moorish rule in Spain, 75

00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:17,465 so there's this knight, Gustavo of Sevilla,

76

00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:19,801 who falls in love

with a Moorish princess, Fatima-- 77

00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:22,887 -Well, it sounds--

-Gustavo's Catholic and she's Islamic, 78

00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,722 and their love is forbidden.

[groans] 79

00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:28,226 But then Gustavo needs to see her because he loves her so much.

80

00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:31,020 -Yeah, no, I'm gonna get--

-He contacts the gypsy sorceror El Colon, 81

00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,731 who gives Gustavo the ability

to turn into a horse...

82 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,566

-I got it. -...just so he can visit Fatima,

83

00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,485 she meets him in the stables

and she rides him 84

00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,946 and he loves her so much

but they can never truly be together 85

00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:41,781 -because of their time-- -You really read the book.

86

00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:45,285 When Gustavo and Fatima are together I feel like I'm sitting on a fountain

87

00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,829 -and there's fireworks in my stomach--

-Okay, okay! 88

00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,457 -Read that book.

-Yeah, I think I should. 89

00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,545 We're lucky men, Marty.

90

00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:58,089 To our magnificent boys Nicky and Andrew,

91

00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,258 what great friends

they found in each other. 92

00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:06,180 And to our wives, our beautiful,

surprising, sensual wives. 93

00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:07,640 [chuckles] Cheers!

94

00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:10,435 [both groaning]

95

00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:13,604 How many times is he gonna walk by

and not bring me more bread? 96

00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,065 -We still have some.

-What are you, on his side? 97

00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,402 -Marty, I'm not on the waiter's side.

-He's not a waiter! 98

00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,113 He's a busboy.

What are you promoting him for? 99

00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:24,324 Oh, this looks good.

100

00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:29,871 I think Elliot's waiting because

his wife's food hasn't arrived yet.

101 00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:31,581 Elliot could do what he wants.

102

00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,499 But I'm not letting my scallops

get ice-cold.

103 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:34,500

Oh, well, God forbid.

104 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,794 Cold scallops is how I got

food poisoning in West Palm, remember?

105 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:39,464

-I remember. -Then in Atlantic City, twice in Cape Cod

106

00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:42,425 -and then again in Atlantic City-- -I remember. You shit the bed.

107

00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:43,801 I'm referring to that!

108

00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,678 Maybe you should stop eating scallops, Marty.

109

00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,806 And let the scallops win? Ha! They'd love that.

110

00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,976 So, I know you weren't interested

in book club,

111 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:54,562

but we read the most amazing book this month.

112

00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:57,023 It won the Gerson Prize for historical fiction.

113

00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:59,067 Oh, I'm not a history buff.

114

00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,402 No, listen, you will like this.

115

00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:05,948 It's a love story

between Fatima and Gustavo.

116 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,575

[guitar strums]

117 00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:10,912

Trust me, it's very... compelling.

118 00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,747

You're winking. It is it not compelling?

119 00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:15,583 It's a sexy book, Barbara. Just take the sexy book.

120

00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:17,418 -You'll like it.

-All right.

121 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:18,753

"The Rock of Gibraltar"?

122 00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:21,339

Did Diane tell you we read it together?

123 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:24,967 We like to incorporate reading

into our intimate time.

124 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:28,930

Once all we had handy was a copy of If I Did It by OJ Simpson.

125

00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,474 -Oh, God.

-And we definitely did it that night.

126 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,851

Made love, not murdered our estranged spouse.

127

00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:37,146 -And let's not forget Ron Goldman. -Ron Goldman. Speaking of waiters,

128

00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,856 where the hell is that guy?

129

00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,025 Oh, these scallops.

Where's the men's room?

130 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,777

-And we need more bread! -Ugh.

131

00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,112 [bell ringing]

132

00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:46,030 [Jessi] Fatima knew

if her father caught her

133 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,740

running down to the stables at this hour

134 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:51,035

he would forbid her from studying at la universidad.

135

00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:54,038 But was it her fault

that she craved a ride?

136 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:56,332

Fatima, come to me.

137 00:06:56,415 --> 00:07:01,462 I am hungry for your touch and for warm spiced oats.

138

00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,589 Wait, did you guys read through lunch?

139

00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,842 Wow. Uh, yes, we did.

140

00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,718 You must really like that book.

141

00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:10,596 Right now Fatima is trying to track Gustavo's movements

142

00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,933 by following the stars, so she creates

a rudimentary astronomy lab.

143 00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,394 Oh, my God, have you read

Doubting Andreas?

144 00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,521 He too creates a rudimentary

astronomy lab.

145 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:23,025

Have you ever looked up at the stars and thought, "The world is so big"?

146

00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,695 -"And I'm so small"? -And yet so loud.

147

00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,322 This is the library.

Please go away, I am reading.

148 00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,574

Jesus. Okay.

149 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,993

[Jay] Let's go see if that science teacher is still crying.

150

00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:34,704 [Jessi] Fatima looked down

at her intricately laced bodice,

151 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,915

her sensual, ripe breasts bursting from--

152

00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,417 [sighs]

153

00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:43,713 See what I mean?

That brassiere is U-G-L-Y.

154 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:48,009 -It ain't got no alibi. It's--

-Dog shit, I know.

155 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,429 Really? The Rock of Gibraltar.

156

00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,639 Why is every girl I know

obsessed with this?

157 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:56,517

Well, there is this incredible romance

158 00:07:56,601 --> 00:08:00,062 between Fatima and... Gustavo.

159

00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,523 So, what, do they kiss privates

or what's the deal?

160 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,317

-Kiss privates? -You know what I mean.

161

00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,361 Do they have sex?

No, Nicky, they can't. That's the point.

162 00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,156

-That's where the tension comes from. -Of course, the tension.

163 00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,158 You have no idea why girls read this book, do you?

164

00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:14,577 -Yeah, I do.

-Because it turns them on.

165 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:19,499 -[stammers] What was that now? -Newsflash: girls get horny too.

166

00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,461 -Don't tell me you didn't know that.

-Of course I did.

167 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:26,297

Girls are just as horny as boys. We just don't talk about it constantly.

168

00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:27,798 Hmm.

169 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:31,344 Hey, Lia, I just remembered

I have a book report to write. Um...

170 00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:33,721

-Can I borrow Rock of Gibraltar? -Fine.

171

00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,681 I don't know what you're up to,

you little perv,

172 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,266

but I like the journey you're on.

173 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,813

I still don't see what the rush is, honey.

174 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,732

You've already got a perfectly nice bra.

175 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,276

You tell Shannon you do not want nice.

176 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:51,113

You want two scoops of Haagen-Dazs French vanilla boobies.

177

00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:55,159 Mom, I want something... voluptuous.

178

00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:59,705 A woman's bosom should resemble

the wild, sweet oranges of Valencia

179 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,249 which yearn to be plucked.

180

00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:05,253 Oh, honey, buying a fancy bra

won't make you look like these models.

181 00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,089

They all have their ribs removed and their buttholes bleached.

182

00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:11,634 I get it. I just want a grownup bra, okay?

183

00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:14,220 This one! This is the one.

184

00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:17,265 Tell Shannon you'll kill yourself

if you don't get it.

185 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,933

How about this one?

186 00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:22,019

I don't know, Jessi.

Is this bra really... you?

187 00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:24,146

Yes! Of course it's you!

188 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,733

-It's always been you! -Shh, shh. I got this.

189

00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:31,571 Was it not you, Mom,

who insisted from an early age

190 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:35,741

that I quote, "embrace my power," end quote, as a female?

191

00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,661 Yes, but this red bra. [laughs]

192

00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:41,581 I mean, this is a power

that you can't handle yet.

193 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:45,585

Are you trying to make me afraid of my own sexuality?

194

00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:48,629 -[gasps] No, Jessi--

-Are you slut-shaming me?

195 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,965 I would never slut-shame you.

196

00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:53,342 Are you the patriarchy?

197

00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,803 Oh, my God, of course not.

198

00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:57,054

Go in for the kill.

199 00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,599

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, quote,

200 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:02,393

"Do one thing every day that scares you," closed quote,

201

00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:04,729 and I think this red bra

scares both of us.

202 00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:06,105

[sighs]

203 00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:09,233

-[both shouting] -Oh, my God, we did it!

204

00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,986 -We got a bra, oh, my God!

-[laughs]

205 00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:13,529 You think you're excited.

206

00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:17,033 I just found out Dippin' Dots

isn't fluorescent guinea pig doodies.

207 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,285

-It's ice cream. -But you were eating it anyway?

208

00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:22,955 Yeah. Couldn't figure out

why these doodies were so delicious, so.

209 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,957

What are you, bra shopping or what?

210

00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:29,128 Shark Tank is making me nuts.

211

00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:31,922 I know that rotten kid stole my idea for the illuminated toilet seat.

212

00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,507 -I'm reading.

-I never put it on paper,

213 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,927

I never said it out loud, but somehow he crawled into my brain

214

00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:39,263 and he stole my intellectual property.

215

00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:40,681 [groans]

216

00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:45,144 Fatima, I need you.

217

00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:48,648 My love, if my father sees you

he will have you killed.

218 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,817

After tonight, we need never fear again.

219 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,320 I have spoken to El Colon.

220

00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:57,239 Tomorrow, I become horse.

221

00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:01,160 But the transformation, it will be painful, yes?

222

00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:02,411

Hush now, my love.

223 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,164

We will face tomorrow when it comes.

224 00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:08,209

Tonight... we dance.

225 00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:12,338

I want to hold you close, Barbara.

226 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:15,174

-Oh, but we shouldn't. -But we must.

227

00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:21,305 Hey, did you put my toilet seat idea

on Facebook

228 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,265

or did you mention it to one of your friends?

229

00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,267 Perhaps I should leave you two alone.

230

00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,852 No. Gustavo, please.

231

00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,729 Barbara, I must go,

232

00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,315 because... I don't like him.

233

00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,650 [horse neighs]

234

00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:35,653 You know what I'm gonna do?

Get a lawyer and sue that kid.

235 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,780 -Do you mind? I'm reading.

-Fine!

236 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,782

I'm going to sleep. Oh.

237 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,033

Oh, God. [stomach rumbles]

238

00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,452 I can't believe

I ate those scallops again.

239 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:47,331

-[farts] -[gasps] Oh, Marty!

240

00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:50,376 Listen, while you're up, there's a thing

of Rolaids in my dress shoes.

241 00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,169

[bell ringing]

242 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,257

Okay, show-off. What are you, Mr. Library now?

243

00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,969 President of Books, Comptroller of...

244

00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:02,054 -Jay, you're out of steam.

-Shut up, I got this.

245 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:05,015

-Books. Fuck! -Guys, I think I'm onto something.

246

00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,143

There's a reason all the girls are reading this book.

247

00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,562 -Lia told me. It turns them on.

-[both] Huh?

248 00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,773 Get this: girls are horny too.

249

00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,527 -Just as horny as guys, supposedly.

-[Andrew chuckles]

250 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,947 -No, no, that's impossible.

-What's impossible?

251 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,783

According to Nick, girls are horny too.

252 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,076

What the...?

253 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,245

There's no way girls are as horny as I am.

254

00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,122 That's true. Jay fucks his pillow.

255

00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:30,708 I also once fucked

this really sexy bag of potting soil.

256 00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:32,960 -See? They can't be like Jay.

-To completion.

257 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,212

-The boy is a deviant. -I'm not allowed back in that greenhouse.

258 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,465

All I know is Lia says girls get horny.

259 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:39,800

So you're telling me Devon gets horny?

260 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:40,968

-Yeah. -Yes!

261

00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:43,929 -What about Principal Baron? -Apparently, they all do.

262

00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,307 -All of them! -But not...

263

00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:48,225 -Missy?

-Andrew, she's reading that book

264 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:49,894

and evidently, that's one of their triggers.

265

00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,313 My God, you're right. Missy gets horny.

266

00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:54,148 I'm telling you, they all do.

267

00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:57,026 This book makes them horny? It's just porn, then, right?

268

00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,528 They're walking around school

reading porn!

269 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,822

-Actually, no.

-Jesus, this is no fair!

270 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,741 Girls walking around school

reading porn,

271 00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:08,204

and I make one drawing of 23 teachers having consensual sex,

272

00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,830 and I'm the creep.

273

00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:13,542 Yeah, I wasn't included in the drawing,

but that's okay.

274 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,544

It was just the academic teachers

275 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,881

is how he did the cutoff there, so... [clears throat]

276

00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:22,676 So, what, this is gonna be on The Office

or Modern Family or what?

277 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:27,014

Boy, these straight to camera testimonials are great for narrative structure.

278

00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:29,558 They're a crutch,

but they cut right to the chase.

279 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,268 They really help with story.

280

00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:34,480 Not in this case.

This is a, you know, a departure,

281 00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,106

but they'll find their way back.

282 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:37,441

[indistinct chatter]

283 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,903

-[groans] -Look at me. Look at me.

284

00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,489 -Okay.

-You are Fatima.

285 00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:45,991

-You are sexy. -Really? I don't know.

286

00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,410 -You do know.

-What do I know?

287 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,204

How to dance!

288 00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,248

[plays upbeat music]

289 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:56,252 ♪ You throw open the door

To adventures like you've never known ♪

290 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:57,878 Holy shit, is that Jessi?

291

00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:01,590 ♪ You'll feel your confidence, courage

And cup size magically grow ♪

292 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,300

[distorted] Whoa!

293 00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:08,097

♪ It will make mountains of your hills And grant you a life of endless thrills ♪

294

00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,014 [distorted] Whoa!

295

00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:12,893 ♪ And set passions aflame

Down the depths of your womanly soul ♪

296 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,103

Own it, bitch.

297 00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:16,397

-♪ Sexy red bra ♪ -Hi, Jessi.

298

00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,191 -♪ Sexy red bra ♪ -Hi, red bra.

299

00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,151 -Jesus, Andrew.

-♪ It'll transform you ♪

300 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:25,322

♪ Into an object of envy and awe ♪

301 00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,283

So trashy.

302 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,703 Please, Jessi, I have $28. I want to give it to you.

303

00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,456 Well, bonjour to the lovely Ms. Glaser.

304

00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,292 -♪ Sexy red bra ♪

-Who do you think you are,

305

00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,878 one of the Kardashians?

[grumbles]

306 00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:42,089

♪ It will lift up your life, my dear ♪

307 00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:45,217 ♪ But beware of the fall ♪

308

00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,594 Ow!

309 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,597

[sobbing]

310 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,056

[Monstress sobbing]

311 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,767

What the hell? Why are you crying?

312 00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,728

Because it's all so overwhelming.

313 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:57,980

My mom was right.

314 00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,650 -Don't you ever say that again. -What? She said I wasn't ready,

315

00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,403 and I wasn't ready

for all those eyes on me.

316 00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:07,406 -But you liked some of them.

-I know!

317

00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:12,244 But what about Mr. Lizer and Jay and... Lola.

318

00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,831 -I want to throw this thing away. -Yes, drown the bra. Kill it!

319

00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,959 Or maybe I could just put it in my backpack.

320

00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,670 Yeah, keep it. I still love it, too.

321

00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:26,759 So, we know girls read the book because it makes them horny.

322

00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:29,219 And we know Jessi is reading the book,

323

00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:33,641 ergo Jessi is horny

and she's wearing a red bra,

324 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,435

which means she wants us to know she's horny.

325

00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:39,772 -Or she just likes the bra.

-The bra isn't a bra.

326 00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:42,274

-It's a signal. -Okay, let's say it is a signal.

327

00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,110 -What do we even do with that?

-I don't see what we can do with that.

328 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:50,199

We can relieve Jessi of her horniness by touching her boobs.

329

00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,284 She'll be grateful.

I know if I was walking around

330 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,162

with a red bra on my dick, I'd want somebody to touch my dick, right?

331

00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:57,498 You're a little fuckin' freak, I like hanging out with you.

332

00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:01,335 Mi amor, you look fantástica.

333

00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:04,713 -Oh!

-Martín is a muy lucky man.

334 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,632

Muchas gracias.

335 00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,676

-And it's Marty. -Go to him.

336

00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:12,054 Go to... Marty?

337

00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,811 Good Christ,

are you eating scallops again?

338 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:21,313

They're leftovers! Why are you so dressed up?

339

00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,440 I thought maybe we could...

340 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,566

-What? -You know...

341

00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,527 Oh! Oh.

342

00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:27,861 Oh, all right.

343

00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,322 Let me go sit on the toilet

for a minute, clear the pipes.

344 00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:31,824

-You know, the scallops. -[groans]

345

00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,617 -Forget it!

-What's the matter?

346 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:37,371 You know what the matter is?

You are not Gustavo.

347 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:40,040

The horse? You're mad 'cause I'm not a horse.

348

00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:43,877 I'm not mad you're not a horse, I'm mad that you don't love me

349

00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:47,172 as much as you love the GD scallops.

350

00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:50,551 What? That's crazy.

I love you both, in different ways.

351 00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,094

[stomach rumbles] Ooh, speaking of which...

352

00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:54,013 Oh, Marty.

353

00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:57,266 This scallop man, he does not know

how to treat a woman.

354 00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,934

-I know. -[rumbling from bathroom]

355

00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,436 ¡Dios mío!

356

00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:04,565 Even when I was a horse I did not make

noises or smells of this nature.

357 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,191

[bell ringing]

358 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,653

Hey. Just wanted to let you know, I read you loud and clear.

359

00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:12,114 -Excuse me?

-Signal received.

360 00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:16,076

-I sent no signal. -Yeah, wink-wink. I get it.

361

00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,996 Uh-oh, Dickarus is flying too close to the sun.

362

00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:20,873 But if he's right it changes everything.

363 00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:23,751 Like when a baboon is in heat and presents its red bum-bum

364

00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,045 so the other baboons know it's time to monkey around.

365

00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:29,423 What the fuck are you talking about?

366

00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:33,510 Hello! The red bra, the book. I know how horny you are.

367

00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,804 And as your friend,

I want to help you out

368 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,973

by touching your boob-- [grunts]

369

00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,725 [groaning, grunts]

370

00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:40,934 And now you're choking me.

371

00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:43,228 And I'm wondering if maybe that's not

what you wanted me to do.

372 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,397

No, that's not what I wanted you to do.

373 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,775

I just thought, when I get horny, I want somebody--

374

00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:50,402 You have no idea what I want,

you fucknut shitbag!

375 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:56,867

-Huh, I guess the bra wasn't a signal. -And Jessi is very strong.

376

00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:59,578 Hi Andrew, if you're finished

with Doubting Andreas,

377 00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:03,040

I thought you might like to borrow my copy of The Rock of Gibraltar.

378

00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:05,626 -You think I would like it?

-Oh, yeah.

379 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,128

There's telescopes and compasses and Islamic art,

380

00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:10,172 basically everything you want

in an interesting book.

381 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:12,382 -And of course there's Gustavo.

-[guitar strums]

382 00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:14,343

[mutters]

383 00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:17,137

Anyway, it's definitely worth a read.

384 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,098 There's something for everyone

in there, I think.

385 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,433 Whew! I gotta get to jazz club.

386 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,728

-Was that a signal? -I don't know. I'm very confused.

387

00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:25,854 Whoo!

388

00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,065 Did you guys see Jessi

choking me out over there?

389 00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:31,443 Yeah. She gets pretty angry

when she's horny.

390 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:34,947

-Lia. -Hey, Nicky.

391

00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,533 I had some questions

re: The Rock of Gibraltar.

392 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:40,410 Are you up to the part where

she grooms him with sweet almond oil?

393 00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,996 Yeah, actually, re: almond oil,

394

00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,207 girls don't want to have sex with horses.

395

00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,209 That's not what this book

is about, right?

396 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:50,379

Of course not! The horse part isn't what's sexy.

397

00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,006

It's the fact that they can't have sex that's so hot.

398

00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,218 This is where you lose me.

What's so hot about not having sex?

399 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,762

See, you're thinking like a guy. Women are different.

400

00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:01,890 -Sometimes we think sex itself is sexy.

-Great news.

401 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,601 But other times we imagine

a faceless dude

402 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,729 walking around with a baby

in a Baby Bjorn, and that's sexy.

403 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,942

-So babies and no faces are sexy? -No, you tiny dum-dum.

404

00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,402 It's a lot of different things.

405

00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:16,029 Sometimes we think a smell is sexy,

406

00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:18,907 -or sushi or Dr. Drew Pinsky.

-What?

407 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:22,161

Or like a million other incomprehensible things, you know what I mean?

408

00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:25,289 So The Rock of Gibraltar,

it's about sex

409 00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:28,500

because it's about everything around sex.

410 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:29,918

-See what I'm saying? -Look at that.

411

00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:33,172 Our inquisitive son, our wise daughter,

412

00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:36,216 working together to solve

the mysteries of human desire.

413 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,302

I know, sweetheart. I credit you.

414 00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:40,512 No, no, no, I credit you.

415

00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,181 No, no, I credit you.

416

00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,349 I wanna credit you all night long.

417

00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:48,520 -Why don't we go and affirm each other?

-I'm already affirmed right now.

418 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,564

Oh, you devil dog.

419 00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:51,565

[chuckles]

420 00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,484 Some might say it's weird they're getting turned on

421 00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:57,112

by their children talking about what's sexy.

422

00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:01,158 But I'm not here to judge. I'm just here to watch.

423

00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,409 [laughs]

424

00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,454 Jay is so gross.

425

00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,997 He doesn't know what I want.

426

00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,665 Yeah! He doesn't.

427

00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,918 Jessi, what do you want?

428

00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,503 I don't know. I know I like this,

429

00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,756 and I thought I was gonna like this.

430

00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:17,174 You did like that.

431

00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:20,219 Yeah, but everyone's reaction to it

made me feel so weird.

432 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:22,804 Who cares about everyone else?

433

00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:26,808 Maybe it's time to get to know yourself.

434

00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,936 Oh, you mean take a look in it?

435

00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:32,231 Yeah, take a gander. It's yours, isn't it?

436

00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,650 Uh, okay, sure.

437

00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:35,943 Can I get some privacy?

438

00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:38,195 Of course, pecorino.

439

00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:42,366 If you need me I'll be in the bubble bath

watching Dr. Drew Pinsky.

440 00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:44,618 He looks like a sexy turtle.

441

00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:48,038 [sighs] Here goes something.

442

00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:51,124 -Um... hello?

-Hey, girl, hey!

443 00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:54,002

Oh, my God, I have been dying to meet you.

444 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,588 Oh, cool. Okay. Hi, I'm Jessi.

445

00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,548 Well, I'm your genitals.

446

00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:01,510

-[laughs] What's up? -I was wondering when you'd---

447

00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:02,678 [both laugh]

448

00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:03,929 -I'm sorry, you go first.

-Wait!

449 00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:05,555

-Jinx! -We just talked at the same time.

450

00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:07,516 -We're having fun.

-This is fun.

451 00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:10,269 I have to say, you are not

what I was expecting.

452 00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,437 -Do you want the grand tour?

-Uh, yes, please.

453 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:13,814

Great. Okay.

454 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:16,024 Well, up top, la-la-la-la,

455

00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,276 this is the clitoris.

456

00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,944 It is where the party happens.

457

00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,237 What do you mean by "party"?

458

00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,657

Oh, gosh. Have you ever been electrocuted, but in a good way?

459

00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:26,618 -No.

-Okay. It's a very important spot.

460 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:29,246

This is the urethra. That's where the pee comes out.

461

00:21:29,329 --> 00:21:31,623 Oh. I didn't know there was a second hole.

462

00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,125 There's three, if you count your anus.

463

00:21:33,208 --> 00:21:35,711 -I don't think I do.

-Me neither. She's an asshole.

464 00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:36,712

[rim shot]

465 00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:38,130

-That's a joke. -Oh, okay.

466

00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:40,007 She's a lovely lady, and a drummer.

467

00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:43,218 What else? Labia majora.

468

00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:45,304 -The labia minora.

-Oh, hi.

469 00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:48,223

And this part here is the actual vagina. [pops]

470

00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:52,311 Oh. Weird. Sorry, I assumed

the vagina was like, the whole thing.

471 00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:53,687

A lot of people do that.

472 00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:56,189 It's like how people call

all sparkling wine champagne,

473 00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:59,735

but technically champagne is from one specific region in France.

474

00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:02,571 [laughs] It's like, "Shut up, nerd, we're just trying to get drunk!"

475

00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:03,655 [both laugh]

476

00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,365 -You know, you're not scary.

-Boo!

477 00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:06,533

-Ahh! -[laughs]

478

00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:10,704 Of course I'm not scary. I'm you, and I'm very fun.

479

00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,457 Wink-wink.

You know what I mean?

480 00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:16,126 Um, I mean, yeah, I guess

I think I know what you mean.

481 00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:19,338

-Oh, you know what I mean. -I have some sense of what you mean.

482

00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,214 -I'm telling you to masturbate.

-Oh, okay.

483 00:22:21,298 --> 00:22:23,258

-All right. -Okay, well, I'm gonna go now.

484

00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,969 -No. What? Stay forever.

-I wish I could.

485 00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,305 Aww. Don't be a stranger.

486

00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:32,642 -Neigh!

-Marty, what the...?

487 00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:34,478

I'm Gustavo the horse.

488 00:22:34,561 --> 00:22:37,689

-Why? -I'm trying to romance you.

489

00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,608 Oh, of course you are.

490

00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:42,235 Look at you, you're Gustavo the horse.

491

00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:46,198 For the record, Marty, Gustavo

wasn't a man who dressed like a horse.

492 00:22:46,281 --> 00:22:48,992 Just get over here, all right?

493

00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:51,119 I threw away the scallops.

494

00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:54,206 Oh, you did? You threw 'em away, huh?

495

00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:55,665 -[kissing] -[gasps]

496

00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:57,459 Oh, my God, girls get horny.

497

00:22:57,542 --> 00:23:00,170 -And your mom's a girl.

-So my mom gets horny too.

498 00:23:00,253 --> 00:23:02,547

-[Marty] Neigh. -Jesus Christ,

499

00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,841 look at the size of your dad's balls.

500

00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:06,676 [birds chirping]

501

00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,096 Okay, and for our final book report,

502

00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:14,309 Nick Birch will be talking to us

about... Oh, The Rock of Gibraltar.

503 00:23:14,392 --> 00:23:17,187

-Nick. -Ms. Razz, bored students,

504

00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:21,525 The Rock of Gibraltar is a brilliantly

told work of historical fiction.

505

00:23:21,608 --> 00:23:24,236 The story is beautiful and filled with passion,

506

00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:27,364 but it's about so much more than just sex.

507

00:23:27,447 --> 00:23:30,450 In a way, it's about everything

around sex.

508 00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:33,453

-Does that make sense? -It totally makes sense.

509

00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:37,707 See, Gustavo takes care of Fatima

without ever robbing her of her power.

510 00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:38,708

Mm-hm!

511 00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:41,002

Now, I'd like to perform a dramatic reading

512

00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:45,090 of the speech Gustavo gives to Fatima

on the shores of Playa Paraíso.

513 00:23:45,173 --> 00:23:47,384

That is, of course, if it's all right with the class.

514

00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:49,845 Do it now! Do the speech now!

515

00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:53,431 [clears throat]

Fatima, I worship you.

516 00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:56,685

I worship your brain

for all the brilliance it holds.

517 00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:59,437

I worship your beauty, for it intoxicates me

518

00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:01,481 and drives me passionately to you.

519

00:24:01,565 --> 00:24:03,024 Señorita. -Ooh!

520

00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:03,942 [Duke laughs]

521

00:24:04,025 --> 00:24:06,778 I worship your uncompromising free spirit.

522

00:24:06,862 --> 00:24:09,948 Know that I will never tame you, unless that is what you wish.

523

00:24:10,031 --> 00:24:12,075 This one's slippery, be careful.

524

00:24:12,159 --> 00:24:15,120 Know that I could never uncover

all of your mysteries,

525 00:24:15,203 --> 00:24:17,372

even if I spent a lifetime trying.

526 00:24:17,455 --> 00:24:20,917

Mm-hm. There you go. That's it, baby.

527 00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:23,128

-Oh. Hello. -[genitals] Hey, girl, what's up?

528

00:24:23,211 --> 00:24:26,506 But if you know nothing else,

Fatima, know this:

529 00:24:26,590 --> 00:24:30,427

I want you. I want you forevermore.

530 00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:32,137

I want you.

531 00:24:33,555 --> 00:24:34,639

Okay, thanks, that's it.

532 00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:37,142 Thank you, Gustavo-- Nick.

Thank you, Nick.

533 00:24:37,225 --> 00:24:38,059

Gracias.

534 00:24:46,109 --> 00:24:48,486

-El libro, señor. -Thank you, sir.

535

00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:57,662 [groans]

536

00:24:57,746 --> 00:25:00,373 -Missy, huh? -I guess so.

537

00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:03,168 I'm surprised your dad's

big ol' balls didn't show up.

538 00:25:03,251 --> 00:25:04,211

I hate you.

539 00:25:04,294 --> 00:25:08,173

Seriously, I was like, "Why is your dad having sex with a messenger bag on?"

540

00:25:08,256 --> 00:25:11,676 And then I was like,

"Oh, those are his balls."

541 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,428 I can't get 'em out of my mind.

542

00:25:13,511 --> 00:25:16,681 It's like, is he seeing a doctor

because there could be something wrong.

543 00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:19,434

It's weird, too, because they're veiny but there's no hair.

544

00:25:19,517 --> 00:25:24,105 It's smooth. That's the weight, right,

pulling down the skin?

545 00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:27,442

I honestly wonder if he ever poops on his own balls.

546

00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:29,611 He's probably got to drape 'em

outside the toilet.

547 00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,239 Maybe that's how he came up

with the illuminated toilet seat.

548 00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:35,700

I told some kid about that and he went on Shark Tank and made millions.

549

00:25:35,784 --> 00:25:37,327 I feel like I should tell your dad,

550

00:25:37,410 --> 00:25:41,456 but I'm scared he'll hit me in the head with that big pillowcase of watermelons.

551

00:25:41,539 --> 00:25:44,417 Ah, the boy is asleep. What a kid.

552 00:25:44,501 --> 00:25:48,213

What a set of nuts. Jesus Christ, what a thing to live up to.

553

00:25:48,296 --> 00:25:50,048 And here's the thing with balls...

This transcript is for educational use only. Not to be sold or auctioned.