FridayJune 24, 2005Issue 620www.varsity.co.uk

The IndependentCambridge Student

Newspaper since 1947

CONCERN IS mountingamongst senior academics andresearch students that theUniversity Council will attemptto pass through a controversialGrace during the summer vaca-tion that could eventually seethem stripped of their intellec-tual rights.

The news comes followingthe release of a third draft of areport into IntellectualProperty Rights (IPRs) and itsapproval by the UniversityCouncil. It is thought that anypolicy of Intellectual Property(IP) ownership would destroythe ‘Cambridge phenomenon’whereby both the local andnational economies benefitfrom the spin-off companiescreated and supported by theUniversity’s academics andresearchers.

The University has defendedthe new policy saying that itoffers clarity, more freedomthan at most other universitiesand that the third draft hasmade many concessions fromthe one originally published in2001 which proposed almosttotal ownership of IP by theUniversity.

Cambridge University iscurrently one of a few universi-ties which lack a uniform poli-cy on IPRs. It has been criti-cised for inconsistency in theimplementation of mecha-nisims such as patents andcopyright to protect IPRs.

Pro-Vice ChancellorProfessor Tony Minson hasdefended the new policy: "Istrongly support this policy,which has been developed dur-ing a long period of consulta-tion. The policy protects thefreedom to publish and guar-antees ownership of copyright.There is no change of policywith respect to students: stu-dents own their own IPR. TheReport acknowledges, howev-er, that there may be restric-tions to ownership becausemuch research is collaborative,some research is conducted inthe premises of other organisa-tions and some funding agen-cies may impose their ownrequirements. None of this isnew, but the Report bringsthese issues into the open. Ihope that students will supportthe Report."

But Ross Anderson,Professor of Security

Engineering, and member ofthe University Council hasexpressed his concerns toVarsity about the effect thenew proposals would have onentrepreneurship and academ-ic freedom. He said: "Theresult would be that no mem-ber of the University would beable to set up companies with-out permission fromCambridge Enterprises [anorganisation set up to com-mercialise research results].”

He labelled the recentreport into IPRs as "vague,confusing and contradictory."

Three of the student mem-bers of the University Councilvoted in favour of the newproposals, including CUSUPresident Wes Streetingdespite CUSU having signed amandate against the policy in2002. Streeting defended hisstance:

"Whilst the new proposals

may appear controversial, theUniversity’s IPR arrangementsare in fact more liberal andbetter for students than thoseat most other Russell Groupand Ivy League universities.They leave students betterprotected than [the previous]anachronistic arrangements. Itook a principled stand todefend students despite anappalling level of bullying andintimidating tactics by mem-bers of the [University]Council like Ross Anderson."

Streeting’s actions havesparked criticism from someCouncil rebels who believedthat they could depend on thestudent members’ support.

GU President and member ofthe University Council RuthKeeling abstained. She later toldVarsity that it was "a positiveabstention in that I felt there hadbeen very positive developmentssince the first report but I believethis is only a small corner of awider debate."

If the Grace is approved, afinal vote for all the 'Regents'(academic staff, post-doctoralresearch fellows and senioradministration staff ) will takeplace in Michaelmas 2005.

This leaves little time foradditional amendments orobjections to the policy.Professor Anderson alsobelieves that the recentincrease in non-academicadministrative staff will tip thebalance of the vote in favour ofthe new IPRs policy.

The new rules will mean that students retain the ownershiprights to their IP except in the following circumstances (andalso only when informed of these conditions):(1) where a student's research sponsor claims the IPR as acondition of sponsorship (2) where a student is working on a sponsored projectwhere IPR contractually devolves to the sponsor (3) a student may be required to assign intellectual proper-ty to the University where a student is working in collabo-ration with others in a manner that gives rise to joint cre-ation of intellectual property, or interdependent intellectu-al property (eg. in a research group)

THE CENSORSHIP of apainting at New Hall at therequest of a guest booking by theUS military has sparked contro-versy throughout the college.

The painting, named ‘GulfWomen Prepare for War’ depictsa Muslim woman, fully veiled,holding a large weapon andcrouching in the desert. It hangsin the domed dining-room ofNew Hall College, but was cov-ered up on Sunday 5 June, as acondition of a private bookingmade by the US military.

As a women only college, NewHall has one of the highest pro-portion of Muslim female under-graduates in the University, andprides itself on owning one of thelargest displays of female art inthe world.

Artist, Maggi Hambling,(OBE) said she is “appalled”, atthe censorship of her painting.She carried out the work in 1986as response to the Iran-Iraq war.

The agreed fee of the US mili-tary booking was £4,000. AndyMilne, the college’s Conferencesand Catering Director, agreed tocover the painting. He claims thisdecision “was in line with ourgeneral policy as I then under-stood it”.

The 113 guests, mostly uni-formed, were from a US navydivision based at RAFMolesworth. A peaceful protest

was staged outside the dining-room by students and tutors fromthe college as the military deliv-ered their after-dinner speeches.The protestors asked some of theguests to comment on the cover-ing of the painting as they walkedout of the Dome. One remarked:“I wasn’t aware of that. Art is art,it’s a reflection of culture - that’s ashame.” Another whilst reading abanner saying ‘100,000 IraqisDead’ retorted, “Is that all?”

Official explanation of why thepainting was censored remainsambiguous. A US navy officer,Lieutenant Farnham, admittedshe had made the request, yetdeclined an interview. She main-tains it was not because the paint-ing shows a Muslim woman.

At a public meeting followingthe event, attended by thePresident and Senior Tutor of theCollege, it was suggested that themilitary guests may have gotdrunk and damaged the painting.It was also suggested that theydid not want to be reminded ofwar. Hambling has dismissedthis: “Surely the military wouldbe more used to seeing weaponsthan anyone. It’s very interestingthat a painting can be seen assuch a threat.”

Sophia Mahroo, a third yearmedical student from New Halland a Muslim herself , said: “Ireally like the painting. Thewoman with the gun is a symbolof resistance and empowerment”.

But she added that a Muslimfriend of hers at Newnham hadsaid the painting was too aggres-sive, and could be associated withterrorism.”

It was also revealed in themeeting that the College author-ities and JCR learned of thebooking six days before the event,but failed to inform either thestudent body, or Hambling her-self, who confirmed, “I didn’tknow anything about it.”

Hambling expressed her out-rage in a telephone interview:“There’s two things here: it’sexciting if a traditional oil paint-ing can arouse such a fuss. It’sappalling that a painting can becensored like this.”

As a result of the protest andthe public meeting, in which thecensorship was voted againstunanimously by the 35 studentswho attended, Andy Milne hasstated: “we are now all agreedchanges will not be made to thedisplay of the art collection.”

Hambling remains adamant: “Iwas completely against the Iraqwar. The Americans are megalo-maniacs trying to take over theworld. They have the amazingnarcissism to try and make every-one the same as them.”

She described how she was,“moved to make the painting by ashocking photograph in thenewspaper”, and emphasised therole of artists to “respond to whathappens in the world.”

www.varsity.co.uk2 NEWS June 24, 2005

New Hall censors painting for US troops

Lucy Phillips

Zoe Pilger

New IPR policy sparks research debate Opinion

‘Gulf Women Prepare for War’ by Maggi Hambling. The painting was covered up at NewHall to secure a £4000 guest booking by the US military in the college’s Dome.

Professor Gillian Evans"Cambridge is technically within its rights tokeep the profits from the intellectual efforts ofits employees, though it has badly misjudgedthe consequences of trying to do so. It is notthat we all want to get rich on the side whiledrawing our salaries. We just want to be able

to follow up lines of enquiry without constantly looking over ourshoulders for approval from those who hold the purse-strings.Not all good ideas make money. You can see from the numerousrevisions of the IPR proposals that attempts to pin things down justlead to complexities and injustices and general damage to goodwill.

But the thing that really makes me furious is the attempt toextend this kind of money-driven control to students. Studentsare not employees and the University has no legal right to 'getwhat it pays for'. The students are doing the paying. And evenif they weren't, I think most academic staff feel very stronglythat a student - and especially a research student - should befree to develop his or her ideas within the framework of thedegree course of PhD proposal, without artificial and distort-ing restrictions from funders or the University.”

Professor Ian Leslie, Pro-ViceChancellor for Research“It has taken some time to arrive at this policy:it takes account of many comments that havebeen made in Discussion in the Senate Houseand in informal consultations.

The proposed policy offers clarificationabout the disposition of IPR across all funding sources; and asmuch consistency as is possible with the various constraintsplaced upon us. It does not represent an enormous change inpractice; rather it brings a small amount of research into line withthe majority of research for which ownership of patent is pre-scribed by sponsors.

In comparison with our peers, the policy is very generous toacademics and students. It provides a clear appeals procedure:disputes on IPR ownership between academics and/or studentsare now dealt with in the first instance by the University at no costto the protagonists rather than through the courts.”

Arcade’s grand designs Sutherland AppealSIGNIFICANT PROGRESSis being made on the £240 mil-lion Grand Arcade Project,located on Regent Street. Thiswas recently celebrated by aground breaking ceremony, leadby the Duke of Westminster.He sat at the controls of a pilingrig to sink the final concretefoundation pile, which will sup-port a development spanningseven acres.

The Duke of Westminsterhas an important input in theproject, as the owner ofGrosvenor, which is working ina joint initiative with theUniversities SuperannuationScheme [the pension schemefor colleges throughoutCambridge.] Grosvenor hasbeen a notable presencethroughout Cambridge in thelast thirty years, being the forcebehind the Grafton Centre andalso sponsoring a Cambridge“Grosvenor” fellow inPembroke College.

Nick Abbey, Project managerfor Bovis, the contractor for theproject, views the GrandArcade project as creating “min-imum disruption and maximumadvantages for the city.” In lightof the disruption it may causecolleges, and the working life ofthe university., it has been

promised that the workings ofthe university should not beeffected in any way and therewill be advantages for many stu-dents, such as the 500 spacecycle park. The developmentwill also incorporate a new280,000 square foot John Lewisdepartment store, 50 other shopunits, cafes, restaurants and a900 space car park. The presentBurleigh Street location ofRobert Sayle is thought to beconverted into apartments andoffice space.

The Grand Arcade develop-ment will also link the LionYard shopping centre fromPetty Cury to Downing Streetand St. Andrew’s Street,improving pedestrian access inthe city, which Nick Abbey seesas “bringing the two halves ofthe city together.” and attract-ing new retailers. Buildingfronts will also be preserved asmuch as possible, in line withcurrent Cambridge architec-ture. An Impact ManagementStrategy is also being used tocounter act the reduced carparking which the project willtemporarily create.

The Grand Arcade Project isseen as essential for Cambridge“remaining one of the best desti-nations in the region and in theUK” according to RobHammond, Chief Executive of

Cambridge City Council. It isthought that the project willencourage rejuvenation in thearea, creating employment andaspects of the development, suchas the current Burleigh Streetstore, which has been seen as away of improving the surroundingareas. Developers also anticipatethat the project will allow

Cambridge to break out of themould of a university city, intoone which has the highest qualityof shopping experience. As well asshopping, there will also be newShop -mobility scheme, a refur-bished library and magistrate’scourt, with John Lewis opening inautumn 2007 and Grand Arcadein spring 2008.

Andrew Roberts, the mancharged with the manslaughter ofPhD student KennethSutherland, has had his sentencehalved at appeal. Roberts, origi-nally charged with murder, wassentenced to five years in jail lastNovember after pleading guilty tothe charge of manslaughter. Thevictim’s family condemned theverdict, saying “we are shockedand dismayed over the obviousinjustice of this decision.”

Sutherland died after 23-year-old student Andrew Robertspunched him once in MalcolmStreet, Cambridge, on May 22last year.. The prosecuting QC,Karim Khalil, said a witness haddescribed Roberts’s punch as “onea professional boxer would havebeen proud of.”

Mr Sutherland's skull wasfractured as he hit the pavement.He never regained consciousnessand died in Addenbrooke'sHospital four days later.

Representing Roberts at theappeal, Graham Parkins QC,said that the 23-year-old, ofHarrow, Middlesex, was “a gentlegiant” who had never hit anyonein his life until that day. He saidthat his “genuinely remorseful”client accepted that a “not insub-stantial” prison sentence was nec-essary, but argued that the five-

year term was not consistent withother cases in the “single-punch”category.

Allowing the appeal, MrJustice Gross said it was clear thatthe attack was “gratuitous andunprovoked” and that Robertshad used considerable force.However, he said that sentencingin such cases “is not a precise sci-ence”, and noted the need forconsistency.

Sutherland’s family, who hadpreviously expressed their dismayat the five-year sentence, wereoutraged at the decision.Speaking from her home inOntario, Canada, Kenneth’s sisterNancy Sutherland, 37, said: “Wehave been choosing a gravestoneto mark the anniversary ofKenneth’s death on May 26, butnow we have to come to termswith this. The previous five-yearsentence did not reflect the sever-ity of the crime - two and a halfyears is a travesty.”

Miss Sutherland alsoexpressed concern that CCTVvideo evidence had been omittedfrom the original trial. “It clearlyshows Roberts getting out of acar and coming over to my broth-er - it was premeditated. Heknew what he was doing,” shesaid.

The Sutherland family nowwant a “thorough investigation”of the proceedings.

Cou

rtes

yof

Cha

pman

Tayl

or

www.varsity.co.uk 3NEWSJune 24, 2005

Natasha Anders Amelia Worsley

The Grand Arcade as envisaged by an artist

Building futures

Our people. Our clients. Our business. Your vision.At Clifford Chance we don’t believe in standing still. Our training contracts give you the opportunity to realise your highest ambitions – to operate at the forefront of global business and shape a new commercial landscape; to work with some of the brightest minds and biggest clients; to join a down-to-earth team and become an important part of our commitment to be the world’s premier law firm.

If you would like to be considered for a September assessment, please aim to apply by 31 July 2005.

To find out more and apply, visit us at: www.cliffordchance.com/gradsuk

Academy Award winning actressJane Fonda spent June 7CORR inCambridge talking with fans andstudents about her life, films andnewly published autobiographyMy Life So Far. Fonda, 67,addressed an audience in Great St.Mary’s as part of the CambridgeInstitute for Gender Studies series

of ‘Conversations’. Fonda enthusi-astically praised the ‘‘depth of his-tory’’ in Cambridge to a receptiveaudience in the UniversityChurch. ‘‘I feel like I’ve steepedinto a dream. I’ve never been toCambridge before and I want tocry – it’s so beautiful’’, she told lis-teners. She later signed copies ofher autobiography in Waterstones.

Her variegated life, as itemerges in her new book, is anobvious focus of interest for theGender Institute’s series. In MyLife So Far Fonda is driven to ask,‘Why is it that so many womengrow up thinking we’re not goodenough?’. Fonda declares that herown history is a process of devel-opment from an early lack of self-esteem to the fulfilled and self-confident personality she feels she

now is.The character of her father,film-actor Henry Fonda, whomshe only learnt to understand fullyin his latter years, overshadowedher childhood. She blames a senseof low self-worth for the ‘‘quiteextreme examples of how awoman would betray her body’’,from plastic surgery to wife swap-ping, and the bulimia she sufferedfrom through her teens until herlate thirties.

But Fonda’s life is also a colour-fully optimistic narrative thatincludes her involvement in thestruggle against the Vietnam Warfor which she earned both thehatred and love of American com-mentators during the 1970s. Shehas won two Oscars for Klute(1971) and Coming Home(1978). More recently, she started

the aerobics craze in the 1980swith her Workout Book. Her firstfilm for fifteen years, Monster-in-Law, in which she plays theprospective mother-in-law ofJennifer Lopez’s character, hasbeen widely criticized as puerile bythe American press.

But Fonda believes that herassessment of her life in hernewly published autobiographycan be a genuinely positive uponthe lives of those women whoread it. ‘‘What I realised at theend of that year (of writing thebook) is that although I’m differ-ent, privileged, financially inde-pendent, the core story is univer-sal. And I thought if I could tellmy story with depth and honesty,it could, in a way, for a road mapfor other women’’.

THE BIGGEST ever studentcharity auction took place atCambridge Union last month,raising over £20,000 for charity.

The RAG charity event,which was devised by ChristopheGriffiths, a recent graduate of StJohn’s College, Cambridge, near-ly doubled the previous studentcharity auction total of £12,000.Students, local residents and col-lectors gathered at theUniversity’s Union chamber andwere treated with an openingspeech by last-minute guestChris Eubank. Griffiths said:“We were delighted that he[Eubank] was able to come atsuch short notice free of charge.”Eubank is a representative ofthree of the 28 charities for

which the auction was raisingmoney.

Eubank’s unusual style saw himsharing anecdotes, reciting poemsand encouraging those present todig deep to bid for the items upfor auction in order to help thoseless fortunate. The boxer was alsoon hand to act as auctioneer forthe final item – a signedMuhammad Ali boxing glove,which went for over £2,000.

Other items for sale included afootball signed by the entireLiverpool team; the club havingwon the European Cup just a fewdays earlier ensured that the ballwent for an impressive total of£540 to a student of theUniversity.

The highest-selling itemsincluded a framed 100th USOpen Flag signed by every cham-

pion since 1960, which was soldfor £2,100, and a signed leather-bound Princess Diana book – the231st of only 250 made, whichwas won by for £3,100.

Not so successful were itemssuch as a small signed photographof comedian Graham Norton,which reached a disappointing£20. Similarly, a signed limitededition book by Jeffrey Archerwas expected to go for £200, butthose at the auction were onlyprepared to pay £70 for it.

Auction Co-ordinatorGriffiths, who had gained adegree in Geography followed byManagement Studies, said he gotthe idea from having attended asimilar event at his school.Impressed with the number ofservices that people were willingto give for free in order to help

charity, he decided to undertakehis own venture on a bigger scale,recruiting the help of localCambridge establishments suchas pubs, clubs and bars, as well ascolleges and students. The com-mittee was made up of a numberof students who helped organisedthe event whilst doing exams.Griffiths thanked the students“whose exam terms I have

crammed with surplus demands.”The takings from the charity

auction brought the total raised byRAG this year to £126,000, up£23,000 from last year. Proceedsfrom the evening will be donatedto around 30 charities includingnational charities such as CancerResearch UK and DHIVerse, aswell as local charities includingCambridge Samaritans.

www.varsity.co.uk4 NEWS June 24, 2005

RAG auction raises over £20,000Chine Mbubaegbu

Queen visits CambridgeNO LIVING ROOM

An appeal has been launchedagainst the refusal of plans for a£1 million bar and restaurant inthe centre of Cambridge. TheLiving Room wants to openpremises in St. John’s Street,Cambridge but has previouslyhad its application to transformthe Grade II listed formerDivinity School in St. John’sStreet, a St. John’s collegebuilding, rejected byCambridge City Council.Although planners said that itdid not make “appropriationprovision for transport mitiga-tion measures, public realmimprovements and communitysafety,” St John’s college arenow appealing to the PlanningInspectorate against the deci-sion.

FRIENDLY CAMBRIDGE

Cambridge has been voted themost gay friendly place in EastAnglia, and has won a topequality award for support afterstudies showed it has the fifthhighest gay populations in theUK. Cambridge City councilcame first in the East ofEngland Equality Awards 2005after a series of projects andexhibitions such as Lesbian andGay History Month and thePink Pamphlet, a gay guide toCambridge. Last year it alsocame third in a list of UK localauthorities with gay friendlypolicies. The city council’sequalities officer, Sigrid Fishersaid that many young gay menand lesbians were attracted toliberal attitudes in Cambridgeand the fact that it is “a cosmo-politan city and very welcom-ing.”

BEAUTIFUL CAMBRIDGE

According to Lonely Planetguide to Great Britain,Cambridge is ahead of Oxford,with “a tranquil, ageless beautythat can’t be found anywhereelse.” It also states that it has avibrant cultural life thanks tothe student population, isimmaculately preserved, butalso bustling with activity. Apunt along the Backs is praisedas “sublime” and there are alsonods towards MidsummerHouse and The Fort StGeorge. In terms of architec-ture, King’s chapel is picked outas one of “the highlights of anytrip to England.”

GOODY KNIGHTED

Professor Jack Goody, Fellow ofSt. John’s, has been awarded aKnighthood in the Queen’sBirthday Honours List for serv-ices to Social Anthropology.Professor Goody said: “I wasoverjoyed. It wasn’t something Ihad expected. Not many peopleget it particularly in academicwork.” Professor Goody haswritten about differencesbetween families in Europe,Africa and Asia and the cultureof cultivating flowers and femi-nism.

News In Brief

The first lady of fitness, Jane Fonda, pays a visit to Cambridge Union

Mich

aelD

erri

nger

ON JUNE 8 the Queen and theDuke of Edinburgh visitedCambridge for the first time infive years since the opening of theFaculty of Divinity in 2000. Priorto her visit, Dr Timothy Meadsaid, “We are looking forward toshowing her the outstandingdevelopments that have takenplace over the intervening fiveyears.”

Her Majesty spent the morn-ing at the Centre for

Mathematical Sciences meetingboth university students and localschool children.

They were greeted by officialsfrom the University; includingVice- Chancellor ProfessorAlison Richard and Sir JohnKingman, director of the IsaacNewton Institute forMathematical Sciences. Sir Johnsaid, “We were delighted theQueen was here.” Inside the cen-tre the Queen met school-chil-dren who showed her a mathsproject.

Professor Timothy Pedley,head of the applied maths andtheoretical physics department,then formally welcomed theQueen before she unveiled aplaque to officially mark theopening of the centre, which wascompleted last year.

The Queen then visited theEnglish Faculty while the Duke,who is also Chancellor of theUniversity, visited the ClassicsFaculty.

After lunch at Queen’s Collegethe Queen unveiled a plaque to

honour her first visit to the col-lege, alongside one commemo-rating the visit of the late QueenMother in 1998, before proceed-ing to visit the Fitzwilliam muse-um where she was shown pagesfrom the newly acquiredMacclesfield Psalter and saw thenew £12 million courtyard devel-opment. The Duke visited thenearby Disability ResourceCentre .

After this came the walka-bout in Trumpington Street,which was the highlight formany locals. Joan Tulip, 92, ofCambridge, waited bearing aUnion flag on her lap. She said:“My daughter put this flag onme as a way to welcome theQueen. I’m so pleased to seeher.” The Royals also joined agarden party at Christ’s cele-brating its quincentenary.

Professor Alison Richardsaid: “It was a profound hon-our for the University to wel-come Her Majesty, and a par-ticular pleasure that she wasaccompanied by ourChancellor, HRH The Dukeof Edinburgh. The visit was atribute to the superb work ofour Departments andColleges.”

Charlotte Keane

THE GOVERNMENT recent-ly announced its decision to morethan double visa charges for over-seas students.

The increased charges are tocome into effect from July. Therise is from £36 to £85 and is oneof many ever-growing fees thathit overseas students who wish tostudy in Britain. The fear is thatthe increasing costs will have adetrimental affect on the numberof overseas applications. Risingexpenses may mean that UK uni-versities will fail to attract suffi-cient numbers of overseas stu-dents who they now heavily relyupon for financial reasons.Kathryn Schwartz, a Cambridgestudent from New York, believesstudying in Britain is becomingtoo expensive.

Although British universitieshave seen a rise in the number ofoverseas students in the past year,they are relying on a further leapof 20% in the number of overseasstudents in the next three years,and a rise of 44% in income fromoverseas fees from £1,125m to£1,621m in 2007/08. British uni-versities are regarding the increas-es in the visa charge as a ‘failure ofjoined up government.’ Whilegovernment targets regarding thenumber of overseas applicationshave been well exceeded,universi-ties feel the increases in visa costshave come at a time when compe-tition from other countries, espe-cially the USA, is intensifying;thus jeopardising the initiatives toattract overseas students.

Nicky Zeeman, King’s CollegeAdmissions Tutor, believes: “Weregularly lose excellent applicantsfrom abroad because the bigAmerican universities scoop themup; this results in a major deple-tion of the richness and variety ofthe educational experience thatwe might offer in England.” UKVisas, who manage immigrationadministration for the govern-ment, defend the increase incharges by saying that the feesmust reflect the true cost of pro-cessing visas and prevent abuse ofthe system by bogus applicants.

VisasJacqui Tedd

David Marusza

Cam

brid

geU

nive

rsit

yP

ress

Offi

ce

THE UP ALL NIGHT web-site makes emphatic that theevent, originally scheduled forFriday 17th June, has beenpostponed, as opposed to can-celled outright. Though all tick-ets have since been refunded infull, this statement is secondedby organiser Tom Roueché ofDowning College, who isadamant that the charity benefitconcert will return in the Lentterm of 2006.

A May Week project with asocial conscience, the night wasoriginally billed as a pro-activeattempt to prove that ‘there’smore to Cambridge than tuxes.’This was to be achieved primari-ly by promoting local musical tal-ent, regardless of the infamoustown/gown divide, and plough-ing the proceeds into a charityfor the homeless, the CambridgeStreet Outreach Team. TheCorn Exchange presented a suit-ably professional, mainstream yetprominent choice of venue whichwould draw a projected audienceof 1500, whilst attracting bothLondon DJs and aspiring youngacts, for instance recent Battle ofthe Bands champion Emunah.Up All Night also intended topresent a diverse showcase ofCambridge creativity, and was tofeature a debut showing of aCinecam film, an art exhibitionby architecture students and apotential collaboration withPhocus, the university photo-graphic society.

However, despite the night’sideology having won the solid

support of secured acts such asthe Queens’-based Sleepwalker, itseems that the managerial struc-tures have been blighted by artis-tic difficulties and organisationalstruggle, in particular leaving theevent under-publicised. Rouechéadmits that the enterprise was‘extremely ambitious,’ given the‘unrealistic’ time-frame of only sixweeks between conceptual brain-storming and the proposed pro-duction itself. He describes it as a‘last-minute’ venture, born of‘spontaneous discussion amongfriends’ which, driven by thestrength of its cause and vision,grew to attract the support ofnumerous sponsors, record labelscouts, representatives in the CityCouncil, APU and surrounding6th form colleges and was soonfronted by a 20-strong team ofstudent enthusiasts.

Quick to discount speculationregarding ticket sales or conflictof interests with any of the abovecontacts, either student, residen-tial or commercial, the ArtisticDirector cites the committee’sunanimous dissatisfaction withthe prospective standard andimpact of the event as promptingits adjournment. He acknowl-edges these aspects to have beencompromised by time con-straints, yet firmly believes theplanned logistics to have thepotential to be enhanced andproduce ‘a better quality’ pro-gram able to ‘raise even moremoney for charity.’ Such refine-ments, he suggested, mightinclude making the event ‘morehigh-profile’ through expanding‘collaboration with different soci-

eties and organisations, includingthe University itself ’ with theaim of ‘opening up the debate onhomelessness,’ perhaps by hold-ing related forums. Rouechéhopes to increase the musicalline-up and endeavor to ‘attract abigger headline act,’ casting fur-ther doubt on the ‘mystery act’promised the first time around.

The reasons behind the rela-tively long-term deferment ofUp All Night and the decision toreschedule it to mark the end ofLent term rather than the begin-

ning of May Week have attractedcurious speculation. Competitionwith major fixtures such as theRobinson and Homerton ballshas been denied as a contributingfactor, with Roueché givingassurances that the unique eventhas a secure target audience andwill remain committed to itsfounding principles of raisingmoney to tackle the prominenthomeless issue, providing a plat-form for new music and advocat-ing inclusion across theCambridge community.

This sentiment is certainlyshared by Greg Cook and EdStone of Sleepwalker, who arekeen to return to play nextyear’s concert. They say theysee the groundwork laid so faras ‘setting a precedent for avaluable annual event.’

It is to be hoped that thosebehind such an innovative andwell-intentioned undertakingare able to use their experienceto date to combine sufficientbusiness acumen with theirzeal and benevolence in future.

THIS WEEK mostCambridge students wererelaxing, indulging in strawber-ries and Pimm’s, and enjoyingall the extravagances of theMay Balls. For thirty dedicatedrowers, though, Monday ofMay week saw them trekking

down to Dover to embark on atough and challenging raceacross the Channel.

Cambridge crews dominatedthe finishing order - the racewas won by Lady Margaret BoatClub (St. John’s), in a time of 3hours and 37 minutes, with Firstand Third Trinity hot on theirheels with a time of 3 hours 40

minutes. The crew entered bythe event sponsors Deloittecame third. “We thought itwould take between three andfour hours but we had optimalwind conditions so we had quitefast times” said NaomiLongworth of LMBC.

The attempt was organised bymembers of Lady Margaret Boat

Club. Students from St. Johns,Trinity, and Sidney Sussex com-peted against each other, alongwith the Deloitte team and twocrews from Oxford - a femalecrew from Regent’s Park andLady Margaret Hall, and anoth-er composite from St. Anne’sand St. Hugh’s.

Deloitte will cover themajor costs incurred, leavingall the sponsorship moneyraised by the individualsinvolved to be donated toCancer Research UK.

The rowers raced in coxedcoastal fours, which are consid-erably wider and more stablethan the racing boats usuallyfound on the Cam. This helpedthem to cope with the challengeof riding waves in the open sea,a far cry from the usual sedateriver rowing in Cambridge, dur-ing the three to four hours ittook to make it to France. Nosubstitutions were allowed afterthe race had begun, and eachcrew had to deal themselveswith the challenges of stayinghydrated and fed. BeforeMonday, there had only been 20successful attempts made atrowing across the channel sincethe 1960s, so there is no doubtthat this is a long, arduous, andpotentially dangerous race.

The training schedule wastough: the teams were requiredto have completed at least two

outings on the open sea, lastingmore than 5 hours, and 3-4 hourlong “erg” (rowing machine) ses-sions have been the order of theday for the last term. Many ofthe Cambridge rowers have alsobeen training for, and compet-ing in, the May Bumps, in addi-tion to their usual academicworkload, leaving little time forother commitments. Jenny Lee,the cox of First and ThirdTrinity’s crew recalls their firsttraining outing off the coast ofDover: “It was very wet - lots ofwater splashing over the riggersand into my face… and you runout of things to say. Next timeI’m going to bring a magazine toread to them.”

Ed Goodfellow of St. Anne’sCollege, Oxford had a slightlymore eventful time on the sea.“[We] broke our boat andalmost sank on our first outing.The official story is we wereattacked by a shark which borea striking resemblance to oneof our rower’s feet.”

In the end, however, thewhole thing went off without ahitch, and in true Cambridgestyle, many of the competitorscould be found sipping Pimmsand champagne, watching fire-works at Trinity’s May Ball byMonday evening. Who says asmall thing like rowing acrossthe channel should get in theway of May week?

Happy result for Channel Blues

Up All Night past its bedtime

NEW ROYAL SOCIETYFELLOWS

Forty-four scientists fromaround the world have recent-ly become Fellows of theRoyal Society, following inthe footsteps of IsaacNewton, Charles Darwin andStephen Hawking. FromCambridge, these haveincluded Professor Daniel St.Johnston, a Wellcome TrustPrincipal Fellow, Dr DavidSpiegelhalter, a SeniorScientist at the MRCBiostatistics Unit, ProfessorTrevor Robbins, Professor ofCognitive Neuroscience,Professor Ian Paterson, ofOrganic Chemistry, ProfessorAndrew Blake, Dr LucaCardelli and Dr Philip Evans.

NUS DISCOUNTCARD SCANDAL

The National Union ofStudents [NUS] haslaunched a hunt to find outwhich of its student unions isselling NUS membershipcards on eBay, the auctionwebsite. Cards are beingadvertised for between 99pand £8.00 on eBay but areworth hundreds of pounds indiscounts from high streetshops like Top Shop andHMV. It is believed that thesecards are being leaked fromNUS unions rather thanbeing stolen from individuals,and packaged as new with adiscount booklet. Purchaserssimply have to fill in theirname on the cards, which willthen expire in September.Martin Ings, NUS nationaltreasurer, views this as “dis-graceful” with the cards assomething to “help studentsout, not anyone else.”

PETROL STATIONCLOSED

The Texaco petrol stationin Huntington Road,Cambridge, was closed onJune 14th, with the loss ofthirteen jobs; the land will besold for alternative use.Texaco is selling its company-managed service stations tofocus on supplying its net-work of 1,100 independentretailers. Unconfirmedrumours suggest that a majorfast-food chain may be inter-ested in purchasing the site.

GIRTON STUDENTSBAILED

The six Girton studentsarrested in connection withserious sexual assault onanother male student inMarch have had their bailextended until July 25. Thiswas after the accused werebailed to return to ParksidePolice station on Friday July10th. The incident occurredin the early hours of March 17following an end-of-term bopat the college. The accused arefrom Cambridge, Essex,Wales, Middlesex and Surreyand have been allowed to con-tinue their studies and taketheir exams.

News In Brief

Duke of Edinburgh visits Homerton

Cou

rtes

yof

the

Uni

veri

sty

Pre

ssO

ffice

Ready for the off: the crews prepare for the cross-Channel race

www.varsity.co.uk 7NEWSJune 24, 2005

Lilie Weaver

Kirsty McQuire

The University’s Chancellor, Prince Philip, unveiled a plaque at the new education faculty atHomerton College last Tuesday. The Vice-Chancellor, Alison Richard, and the head of the Facultyof Education, also attended the ceremony.

Cou

rtes

yof

Len

nard

Lee

John’s• 25,000 chocolates were con-sumed over the course of thenight.• Over 2000 litres of smoothiejuice was drunk over the courseof the ball.• Allan Clayton, one of theThree Tenors, and performer atJohn’s ball, also recently sangthe national anthem at FA Cupfinal.• Rokysopp, one of the mainheadliners, brought their stageand props from their recenttour, to John’s.

Magdalene• 800 bottles of champagnewere drunk as well as over 1000smoothies• 900 stems of flowers wereused. The Magdalene May ballcommittee were at Westernmarket at 3am to pick the flow-ers out, which included rare andbeautiful species such as Globe

Alliums, Astrolemerala and talldelphiniums.• Close to 800 dined at theevent, which is famed for itsdining. 7 chefs were involvedin catering for the may balland were advised by MarcoPierre White, the worldfamous chef.

Jesus• Jesus’ sushi stall, situated atthe entrance of the ball, wasrelieved of 2350 pieces of sushiin under an hour at the start of

the ball.• Amy Winehouse, althoughnot performing at the ball, was aguest and came to support herboyfriend, Tyler James who diddo a set at the ball.• Jesus also managed to secureTerri Walker at the last minutewho performed a forty fiveminute slot before going on toperform at Trinity the same night.

King’s• Revellers stuffed their gobswith 1792 Jam tarts.

• Thirsty guests guzzled down697 bottles of spirits.• 0.9 cubic metres of tobaccowere smoked.• 48 inflatable flowers stolen atthe end of the event.• One 10m infltable wine bot-tle found floating past John's.• Enthusiastic dance headsmanaged to light up the eventwith 3000 glow sticks.• And for those clumsy onesamongst you the lost property-included... 7 lost shoes, 1 pairof knickers...rowdy rowdyrowdy.

www.varsity.co.uk8 NEWS June 24, 2005

May Week in NumbersNatasha Andersputs things intoperspective witha few May Ballfacts and figures

Architectural Award for Fitz

Den

nisG

ilber

t

JetP

hoto

grap

hic

The Royal Institute of British Architects (RIBA) has awardedRIBA awards to three new Cambridge buildings for their archi-tectural excellence. A new gatehouse and auditorium atFitzwilliam College was amongst those honoured and theRIBA commented it had “given self-belief to a relatively new(1960s) and distinctly unstuffy Cambridge College”.

now available at borders, heffers and online

just £6.99

www.mayswriting.com

Review of the YearTom Stoddart and Peter Radford use a day at the cricket to discuss the year

www.varsity.co.uk 9NEWS ROUND UPJune 24, 2005

The year began, andCambridge lost theCricket.

SelectorsMutiny amongst the team

selectors in October 2004 saw afurious debate overCambridge’s new pay and grad-ing structure: “The thing mostdamaging to staff morale in anyinstitution is the notion ofunfairness. Good intentionshave not been enough.” Perhapsmoney could be saved frominstant fines for dropping litterand not leaving burnt outVolvos for sale outsideMagdalene? Ah. Yes.

Talent ListVarsity published a list of

student activities worthy ofnote and recognition through-out Cambridge in an effort toimprove on the dubious ‘PowerList’ – “These changes will notfree the Talent 100 from allcriticism. But they will, I hope,go some way toward dispellingthe notion that this documentis either worthless or purelyegotistical. Let us know if youdisagree.” We’ll leave that withthe Third Umpire.

CaptaincyIn the same academic year as

we saw Dame RosemaryMurray, the first femaleCambridge VC sadly pass away,we also witnessed an intake offresh female blood as LauraWalsh was duly elected CUSUchief as a replacement for thirdman after CUSU claimed theywere “encouraging students tovote” – lucky that. Walsh said:“I’m really pleased. I feel I ranthe right campaign and gavethe right messages”. Let’s hopeshe doesn’t end up at slip with-out a spinner. Meanwhile wesaw other players drop the stan-dard of their game when RibuTharakan was nudged out for aduck following controversy overa financial crisis and “adminis-trative incompetence” from aGU which was described to bein a “farcical” state. Lucky forhim that week the camera’sfocus was slightly distracted bya flock of stunning ospreys.

Team SelectionAdmissions were the

Michaelmas hot topic, withthe corridor of uncertaintysurrounding home, sport andminority students. The manfielding the questions, DrGeoff Parks (Director ofAdmissions) said: “These fig-ures make us realise that, eventhough we’re putting in a lotof effort already, there ismuch more yet to do.”Oxbridge Applications, for asmall fee, will help to “demys-tify” the process. Apparently.

The start of 2005 sawAmericans choose theRepublican team to followon, and later the same storywas told of Labour in the UK.But there was bad news forCambridge’s Anne Campbell:A Maiden Over.

Out With InjuriesThis year’s selection proved

difficult with a huge proportionof students unfit to play withmumps. Despite theUniversity’s best efforts, theattendance for vaccinations wasnot exceptional. “With thisnumber of cases, by this time interm, we could be looking at aproblem.” “Once they begin tofeel better, we are advised thatthere is no reason why patientsshould not take meals in halland/or mix with other stu-dents.” That’ll explain therelapse then. This issue also sawthe Varsity Fashion page hitsilly point when it proclaimedtights should be worn as tops,and that plastic toy helicoptersprovide this season’s head dress.

The OppositionVarsity also managed to have

Hawkeye fixed on the OtherPlace. Not to be outdone, twoOxford students were rusticatedfor hacking into secure Universitynetworks “We were simply tryingto expose the failings in Oxford’sIT network” Our friends thenwent from bad to worse whenTom Littler was seen to haveprivileged his own play “Quartet.”Little did he know he would behit for six when arguments over a“conflict of interest that was bothperceived and real” saw himsacked followed by an early decla-ration by his OxStu team mates.However, it would seem ourcounterparts are not withouthumour, as one plucky playerattempted to raise funds for theseason by flogging BrasenoseCollege on eBay!

The FacilitiesThe new Fenners was built

and is great. Over the roadParkers Piece prize winningpissers were built in a wackypost modern style to keep thepedestrian punters happy withmoney that would have beenused for Cricket! But, allitera-tion aside, we also saw the “newpee pods to provide for pissingpests” in the centre of town.Needless to say these were notdesigned by the Architecturedepartment who were busybeing told that rain would stopplay (so they marched) andappreciated the irony that:“inside the senate house wouldnot be an appropriate venue forsuch a demonstration”. CrippsCourt maybe?

Contested DecisionsWhen tough times of a tedious

tiring news week looms, one canalways rely on King’s College tooffer a front page. The outfieldnews items provided were arevamp for King’s bar (controver-sial stuff!) and student’s persistentdissatisfaction with appointmentsmade in college, even the SeniorTutor. KCSU Coordinatorclaimed: “His appointmentwould pose many potential prob-lems.” Crazy.

Boycott on Boycotts No University would be right

without a few staple marchingprotests. This year the openerswere animal testing, arms and foxhunting neglecting the now lowerorder of Top Up Fees. Yawn. OnArms, CUSU President WesStreeting ranted “it is completelyunacceptable for colleges to investin these very dubious companies.”On the matter of animal testingwe were told that “the homeoffice concluded that there wasno evidence that existing safe-guards were any way defective.”So, removing the skull from amonkey is fine?

Hook Shots/ U-TurnsThe catering for this years

match Tea was as ever provid-ed by Gardies. Fears of aremoval from the fine purvey-ors of “healthy Mediterraneancuisine” were quashed by amassive U-Turn of “Scrooge-like proportions” from Caius.Other fine hooks were playedby CUSU who backed NUS’sreforms on the size of itsannual conference despiteoriginally being against them.The most impressive range ofshots came from the nowunsurprisingly Ex-MP AnneCampbell who backed Britishtroop deployment to a UScontrolled region of Iraq. Thestudent Lib-Dems argued:“Anne Campbell declared notuition fees here and then

voted for them, then opposedvariable top up fees and sub-sequently voted for them andnow we’re meant to trust heron Iraq.”

Unsporting ConductFurther play was marred by

an incident involving severalGirton players whose poorconduct led to them beingremoved from the pitch. Aninquiry into the incident hasbeen launched with the policetaking their bails until furthernotice.

After-Party: No KiltsBallare found itself at the

centre of attention twice thisyear. Firstly a controversial‘Colonials and Natives’themed night required an

apology for any offencecaused. Then came the secondwhen an anonymous disgrun-tled clubber alleged hereceived comments such as“This is not a gay night”,“Fuck off and never comeback” and “I have nothingagainst gay people but I don’twant you in my club again.”which put a downer onthings. On the upside we gotto see Fran Healy and hischums from Travis whopopped along to defend thehomeless and got a chance forextra cover on the lovely DJNelson. What a keeper.

And so the yearended, and Cambridgewon the Cricket.

Fran Healy popped by to support the homeless

No shortage of U-Turns this year

Bloody love Gardies: Secure at last

Calendar Fantastic!

It’s not reasonable to expectanyone to concentrate for750 words when the weath-

er’s this hot. Look, I probablyshouldn’t be telling you this, butthis column is not exactly writ-ing itself, and it’s driving menuts. Usually, thinking of whatto write and how to write it isthe tricky bit, whereas the actu-al typing-out more or less takescare of itself. Not this time. Iknow that columnists should, asa rule, steer well clear of unfo-cused self-referentiality: but this

time, the world seems to beconspiring to distract me, and Idon’t feel like I have choice butto let you, the reading public, inon the reasons why. Seeing asit’s my last column and all. Youdeserve no less.

Here, then, is the catalogue.England are playing cricket ATTHE SAME TIME as TimHenman is playing tennis, so Icheck the BBC sport pagesbetween sentences, and occa-sionally at semi-colons; and

(Australia are 43 for none;Henman a break up in thefirst; and I think AndyMurray might be on in abit) my exam results aresupposed to have comeout by now, except I’vejust been to check forthem again and they still

aren’t there, which is deeply irri-tating. And I just got poked bysomeone on facebook, which isobviously always pretty exciting.And you will have noticed thatthe weather is really, really nice,and you will understand whywhat I really want to do is go fora swim.

Emmanuel has its own swim-ming pool, you know – also, inci-dentally, a free laundry service,neither of which are features Iexpect to come across for a whilein my post-university life - andsome friends of mine are sittingnear it and occasionally jumpingin (pool, not laundry), and one ofthem just phoned me from herpocket by mistake (one of thegreat recurring perils of a firstname at the beginning of thealphabet) and I couldn’t make outexactly what they were saying, butthere were definitely frequent tin-kles of what sounded like deli-cious cold drinks being pouredinstead, and occasional vast galesof laughter. So, you can see whatI’m up against. In fact, I think Imight be missing a garden party.And I bet you bastards are onlyskim reading this anyway. Well,let me tell you, this free-and-easyprose style isn’t so free-and-easy,under the circumstances.

Um,Oh, nuts. I’ve lost my thread,

such as it was. Blame theEnglish faculty, on whose

account I just took a break suf-ficiently long to get to SenateHouse and back – AGAIN, andI can only hope you can feel theboiling rage in those capital let-ters - with still not the slightesthint available as to whether Ishould ring Eade andRavenscroft to cancel all thegraduation kit. The bastards.Anyway, look, the point is,coming up with somethingserious and pointful to say inMay Week is difficult enoughin conversation, let alone inprint: just as in the weeks priorto exams all one hears areanguished comparisons of

timetables and finishing dates,it’s very hard, at this point inthe Cambridge calendar, tofocus on anything more com-plicated than which balls one’sgoing to, or whose friend madethe most spectacular break-in.This is not a time of yeardesigned to encourage sharpfocus (on anything except whatin Christ’s name I’m going todo with my life, but I can’t goon about that again), and youcan hardly expect me to breakthe general trend.

So, yes, that’s the best way ofapproaching it: treat this col-umn as a kind of prose proxy for

may week’s aimless pleasures,and perhaps it will begin toseem not meandering, reason-less crap, but actually aRATHER CLEVER way ofharnessing my doziness.

And if you insist on a point, Ioffer you the following.

It’s completely extraordinarythat A-level boards which havethousands of scripts to mark arebetter at sticking to a deadlinethan the English Faculty, whichhas weeks to deal with 120 andstill makes you come back thenext day. Also, even the greatestoptimist can no longer contendthat Tim Henman has the

slightest chance of winningWimbledon, ever. And only afool would write Australia offas over hill, despite theirrecent form: Strauss just gotout and then another wicketfell right after and Englandare in all sorts of trouble.And swimming pools are betterthan computers.

And, OK, here it is:Cambridge is lovely; June islovely; Cambridge in June isloveliest of all. And leaving ispretty exciting, but it’s prettysad, too. And, have a lovelysummer. I’m off for a dip.

archiebland@gmail.com

www.varsity.co.uk10 COMMENT June 24, 2005

On the difficulties of trying to write a column in May Week

Challenging the Paxo welcome

Senate House and Andy Strauss

The higher echelons ofintellectual nirvana arepopulated by three

types of people. The intelli-gent, whose slick and rapidfiring neurones enable them tograpple with the most chal-lenging of problems; the wise,who steeped with a profoundunderstanding of the condi-tions of life; and the clever,who know a lot. UniversityChallenge is a programme forthe clever. It is a programmefor those whose minds aresponges, not sieves, for peoplewho carefully log each andevery piece of trivia they comeacross, however redundant itmay seem. Anything, fromWetherspoons’ in-house mag-

azine to the back of crisppackets, is a potential potof gold.

I was fortunate enoughto spend a pleasantSunday travelling thescenic route toManchester (fields, somebushes, the occasional

bovine) to watch the filmingof two episodes of this engag-ing TV programme, and espe-

cially to cheer on the Christ’steam, who were making theirfirst appearance since a storm-ing set of performances threeyears ago propelled them intothe final. Granada Studios,like most things Mancunian,ring of the seventies. A huddleof other fans had gatheredoutside where, upon readingthe terms and conditions on

the reverse of our ticket, wediscovered that we would beunable to obtain any nourish-ment on entering the building.This seemed to be simply asign of northern parsimony.However, as we later discov-ered three drinks machines, asnack machine and a restau-rant the size of a footballpitch, I can only assume thatthis was an example of thelocal badinage. We wereshunted down towards thestudio where the blatantlypolystyrene décor made thearena appear like a slightlybrainier version of It ’s aKnockout.

Paxman presided from hisdais, aloof and contemptuous,like an Olympian deity who,aggrieved at having to putupstart students in their placeinstead of Oliver Letwin orJohn Reid, deflated his sneer-ing with an overt sense ofennui. His head is noticeablylarge in proportion to hisbody, and, when not grilling

quaking students, he stoodhands on hips, with his legslightly cocked, looking downthe length of his nose and sur-veying his potentate, and sur-rounded by a bustling bevy ofassistants whose job it was tofetch ties and assure the audi-ence that ‘Jeremy is really verynice’. Only once did this hau-teur evaporate as he drank acarton of orange juice, identi-cal to the kind distributed tothe audience for their presenceand their patience, and, for amoment, he resembled aschoolboy, rewarded for hisbrilliance but with the tacithope that the suckling on thestraw would silence the smartalec comments for a fewmoments.

Roger, the man whose job itis to announce the universityand name at each press of thebuzzer, loitered, though hisannouncements were not per-formed live. This was a disap-pointment, especially sinceChrist ’s star Bramen

Singanayagam, despite reneg-ing on his threat to add anumber of extra syllables,would have proved a mouthfulfor anyone. Instead, in one ofthe warm-up rounds, we weretreated by Roger to a verygood impression of RoryBremner’s impression ofJeremy Paxman, which pro-voked the Silver Fox toattempt to strangle Roger withthe chord of a helium balloon.

Christ ’s did not disgracethemselves. They were upagainst a strong side from theSchool of Oriental and AfricanStudies which contained toportly and distinguished mid-dle-aged gentleman, one ofwhom was reading Sanskrit (a

sure sign of a mind replete withthe most recondite knowl-edge), and their trigger fingersmoved like butterflies andstung like bees. ChurchillCollege competed against ateam from York Universitywhich included a man whosupply flexed his eyebrows atthe camera at every opportuni-ty, another whose lazy drawland linen suit made himresemble some youthful colo-nial Governor-General, andtheir captain, who positivelyrelished saying the word ‘penis’on TV. Churchill’s rowdy andwitless supporters, fuelled bycider, attempted, unsuccessful-ly, to convince Paxman to referto the burly leader of theChurchillians as ‘fat lad’, amanoeuvre which managed toextract from the former a briefand swift effusion of despair, amoment which breached thesuperciliousness and crackedopen the self-caricature toreveal a relatively normalhuman being.

Granada Studios,like most things

Mancunian, ring ofthe seventies

Archie Bland

Only once didPaxman’s hauteur

vanish; for amoment he resem-

bled a schoolboy

England are playing cricket, my

results are late,and what I reallywant to do is go

for a swim

Student Columnistof the Year

Jon Beckman

Lily

Hum

phri

es

Answers to Quiz on Page 13Round 1: a) Modern Languages; b) Engineering; c) Mathematics; d) Natural Sciences.Round 2: a) Trinity; b) Churchill, c) Wolfson; d) Jesus; e) Caius; f ) Robinson.Round 3: 1C-B-A; 2b; 3a; 4b; 5c; 6b; 7a; 8c; 9c; 10c; 11b; 12a; 13c; 14c; 15a; 16b; 17b; 18c; 19 : 1b, 2a, 3cRound 4: a: It’s a bike! b) Post box outside King’s. c) The sign at Sainsbury’s. d) Inside The Bun Shop. e) The Mathematical Bridge at Queens’.

Occ

asio

nalP

hoto

grap

hy

“Ever since coming to this ball, I’ve found Nam funny.”

www.varsity.co.uk 11EDITORIALJune 24, 2005

The staff at New Hall were undoubtedly put ina very difficult situation when the US Militaryrequested the covering up of the painting - anyestablishment which is £7 million in debtmight easily consider a £4000 booking. Butdespite financial pressures on the College, itwas lack of discretion by staff and communica-tion within college which ultimately led to thesacrifice of the college’s integrity.

As funding gets squeezed, colleges are goingto need to be increasingly resourceful in find-ing new sources of income to allow them tocontinue in their current state. Unlike suggest-ed plans to increase the numbers of overseasstudents or removing the ceiling on top-upfees, revenue can be gained by the hiring out ofcatering and conference facilities without neg-atively impacting the students it is trying tosupport.

As well as the value of the Cambridge brand,most colleges have good facilities set in beauti-ful surroundings which make them highlydesirable for such commercial applications. Itis natural that increasingly cash-starvedColleges will be attempting to expand thescope of such ventures. But it must not be for-gotten what the purpose of the College is. Aspart of the University, the Colleges exist pri-marily to provide their members with school-ing in their chosen subject, to aid them in anyfurther research they may choose to undertake,and to provide a safe and secure environmentfor them to do these things.

Needless to say, each College must be run ina business-like manner, as the College’s ongo-ing solvency is in the interest of all its mem-bers. But any money raised by the Collegeshould only ever be intended for uses whichdirectly or indirectly help its members. And aCollege should never attempt to raise money ina way that compromises its fundamental values.

Many Colleges have only appointedDevelopment Fellows within the last decade;equally it is only recently that they have begunto see the potential revenue that catering andconference business can generate. Such rapidprogress in these fields, with many members ofstaff recruited from private industry, has fre-quently meant that conflicts of interest developbetween the members of the College and thestaff trying to raise money for them.

Colleges are increasingly required to gener-ate funding by themselves to make up thefunding gap, and these problems are likely tointensify. Therefore it is crucial thatCambridge Colleges take the chance to clearlyspecify the roles of the different parts of theirstructure. Situations such as that arisingrecently at New Hall can only be avoided if theCollege defines the exact purpose of the cater-ing department. Colleges must not allow theirstudents to become subordinate to the revenuestream which is generated, ultimately, for theirown benefit.

And so, another May Week draws to a close.After the protracted and concentrated effortthat most of us have had to apply this term, itis unsurprising that the last few days havepassed in a sybaritic blur. May Balls provide anopportunity to enter an artificial wonderlandfor one night, and many students take theopportunity to celebrate the end of their yearby spending some of their hard-borrowed cashon a ticket to one of these unique events.Others choose to save their money, but still getinvolved with the balls by choosing to act asworkers.

The hard-working ball committees shouldbe given the praise they deserve for giving upso much of their own time to organise what areextremely complicated logistical operations.But it must not be forgotten that the ultimatepurpose of any ball is to provide an entertain-ing and enchanting evening for all the guests.Many of the balls charge prices for tickets thatwould be seen as absurd in most other univer-sities. Consistently healthy ticket sales indicatethat many students consider it a price worthpaying, but this does not mean that guestsshould ever be taken for granted. If the goodtreatment of guests and workers is margin-alised by the demand to live up to tradition andmaintain out-dated values, then the balls havefailed their purpose. The loss of their good rep-utation would be a terrible shame; we mustsafeguard that reputation to ensure it enduresas successfully as it deserves to.

May Ball bureaucracyArtistic discretion

Email the business manager to enquire about placingadverts. Letters for publication should be emailed orposted to the editor.

To get involved in a section, email the relevant sectioneditor listed above, and come along to a meeting. Noexperience necessary.

Varsity is published by Varsity Productions Ltd, andprinted by Cambridge Evening News. All copyright isthe exclusive property of Varsity Publications Ltd. Nopart of this publication is to be reproduced, stored in aretrieval system or transmitted in any form or by anymeans, without prior permission of the publisher.

U nfortunately the crazy frog was not able to be withus today. He was otherwise engaged getting rowdyrowdy. But he leaves a heartfelt message for his fans: aring ding ding ding a ring ding ding ding. Anyonewishing to collect dady long legs should visit the officebefore the end of term. Please do not be hating on ourstyles. Coo Coo Coo. Point your toes. Rad.

11-12 Trumpington StreetCambridge CB2 1QA

01223 353422Editor

Deputy Editor

News Editor

Photos EditorFront Page ImageProduction Managers

Features EditorNews Features Editor

Literature Editor

Film EditorMusic EditorTheatre EditorFashion Editor

Sport Editor

Business Manager &Quiz Master

Henry Bowen

Lucy Phillips

Chine MbubaegbuNatasha Anders

Lily HumphriesTom Windley

Ifti QurashiDavid Wyatt

Beth AlexanderTom Stoddart

Elly Shepherd Alice GillhamLaura WhittleRebecca Kemp

Imogen WalfordQuentin Jones

Lowly Hodge

Eve Williams

AN unexplained and extraordi-nary fever broke out inCambridge just before examsand many are left reeling fromits effects. It’s long term, conta-gious and so far no effectivecure has been found. FacebookFever continues to strike andaddiction is growing at analarming rate. With over 800universities and colleges regis-tered both here and in theStates and nearly 3 million stu-dents infected, a pandemic ofsuch epic proportions surelyrepresents a cyber revolution ofour time.

The brainchild of two ingen-ious Harvard undergraduates,

Facebook began in February lastyear when Chris Hughes andMark Zuckerberg decided tomake Harvard a more personalplace. Facebook has since sweptthrough America like wildfire,searing through college dormsand establishing itself as an indis-pensable feature of American col-lege life. Amongst other majorpublications, the Facebook phe-nomenon has appeared in thepages of the Washington Postand the Los Angeles Times. Nowthat it’s landed on our collegedoorsteps will Cambridge ever bethe same again?

Never has our amorphous stu-dent body been so well connectedand never has such a quirkgrasped our community withsuch intense vigour and livelyapplication. A quick browsethrough Cambridge profilesreveals that Facebook appealknows no bounds.

Exhaustive friend lists includethe most diverse profiles, unsur-prising given the high popularitystakes engendered by Facebookfanaticism. Never has the need toacquire new friends been morepressing, if only to compete withthe rapidly increasing friends listsof one’s already establishedfriends. One uber-keenFacebooker, a student at GeorgeWashington University hasworked his way up to an astound-ing 747 ‘friends’ and is still on thelookout for more. From what I’vediscovered so far, even the briefestof introductions and the shortestof conversations provide suffi-cient basis to return home to yourcomputer, eager to look up theremembered name and send out afriend request. And meeting isnot necessarily a prerequisite tomaking new friends. Re-named“The Stalker Book” by some,browsing profiles and adding ran-dom friends can be considered

bad form although it’s a sneakyflirting tool and has been knownto have rewarding consequencesfor some lucky facebookers, atleast if some of the more creativestories are to be believed.

‘Facebooking,’ the most recentterm to enter the English lan-guage, may lead to superficialacquaintances in the desperatebid to appear popular but theromantic benefits are consider-

able. Facebook creates a plausi-ble excuse to contact someoneyou fancy through commonfriends or tangential links and acyberspace rejection is far lessoffensive than any of the moredirect conventional practices ofpre-Facebook days. The mainproblems appear to stem from alack of clearly defined protocolwhich leaves the boundariesbetween fun and flirt rather

fuzzy at the edges. When, forexample, is a poke deemedappropriate and what if it’s mis-understood or worse still, unre-turned? Unreturned pokes arenot half as rude as denyingacceptance of a potential friendalthough this is generally unlike-ly given the overarching concernto expand one’s network offriends to at least reach the hun-dred mark target (a mark of uni-versal Facebook respectability).

When it comes to joininggroups, most group founders areeager to initiate newcomersalthough some of the more elu-sive groups restrict access in orderto maintain the highest standardsof integrity, based on carefulanalysis of applicants’ profiles.One disappointed facebooker wasdenied approval for “the 25Hottest Girls at GW,” a groupwith a slightly larger membershipbase than the 13 CambridgeMisfits whose group description“a selection of the finest fittest (?!)female sporting boozers inCambridge is yet to be con-firmed. Cambridge Sluts doeshas so far drawn a whopping 256members. ‘Slut in denial’ memberis in a relationship with thegroup’s supposed-to-be-Revisingslut, a Liberal Homerton engi-neer whose favourite music is“weird” and with whom I have acommon friend.

Some of the more imaginativegroups I have come acrossinclude Master’s GardenInfiltration Society, I’m a natsciget me out of here, (way toocliquey) Cindies RumboogieAppreciation Society and Jointhis group if you’ve pulled some-one in it, so far tallying 387members including 4 groupies,one of whose interests is havingorange hair.

How much does yourFacebook profile reveal about

you? Does sharingpersonal information –friends, interests, boyfriend,girlfriend- some trusting face-bookers will even go as far asentering their phone number- with millions of studentsmake us part of one intimateglobal student community orperhaps as one paranoidAmerican facebookerlaments, Facebook is a BigBrother conspiracy set up by theCIA to spy on potential radicalsand student activists. $500,000 ofFacebook’s funding came fromPeter Thiel, founder of Paypal, anonline money lending service,who also donated $21,000 to

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s cam-paign for governor. Personally Ihave better things to do with mytime than fret over conspiracytheories…like search theFacebook for more potentialfriends.

www.varsity.co.uk12 FEATURES June 24, 2005

Beth Alexander pokes the online networking phenomenon

Even the briefest ofintroductions

provides sufficientbasis to send out a

friend requestLast month a student at the University of Chicago

launched theassbook.net. Faces are substituted for, yes, youguessed it, the rather more subversive posterior profile con-necting people not based on mutual friends, but on “whomthey have hooked up with.” Dating history, sexual encountersand other sordid personal details are freely exchangedbetween assbook friends. Replacing the friendly poke, ass-book buddies can choose to either “smack,” “pinch,” or “tapthat ass.” Sadly, theassbook died before reaching us after itsfounder’s hard drive crashed. Bummer.

Time to tap that assA google search displayed145,000 results includingarticles and links for face-book

The average Facebookfanatic checks theirFacebooks for new friendsand messages at least 5 timesa day

Facebook founder MarkZuckerberg is being accusedof stealing the Facebookidea while writing the codefor a comparable site by fel-low Harvard students

The Facebook received$13m in venture capitalfunding in October 2003.

The Facebook has triggeredsocial networking sites forbusiness professionalsincluding Tribe.net andLinkedIn, with 2.5 millionregistered users

Facebook Facts

Let’s get absolutely faced

Don’t remember seeing them in lectures

Most kebabs are happy to live a simple life, from a brutal birth in Market Square in the earlyhours of the morning, to an untimely end in the gullet of an inebriated student shortly after.This kebab, however, appears far more ambitious. As well as being computer literate enough tojoin the Facebook, it is also reading Social and Political Sciences. This kebab has as many as 43friends, including one intriguing member who claims to live in the Bat Cave. Unfortunately, theentire “educated kebab” story collapses like a fresher in May Week when you consider that theVan of Life DOESN”T EVEN SELL KEBABS! More on this breaking story soon...

Facebook binging is set toreplace all forms of tradi-tional student addictionsand is proving far morelethal. Confessions of face-book addicts are popping upon US campuses and coun-selors are hurriedly beingtrained to deal with prob-lems resulting from thenewly diagnosed facebookcompulsive disorder.

FacebookCompulsiveDisorder

Murder she may well have wrote, but that’s not all acting diva Angela Lansbury has been typ-ing in recent months, seemingly having swapped her trusty typewriter for an Internet-enabledPC. In between starring roles in Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Beauty and the Beast and six millionMurder She Wrote spin-offs, dear old Ange has somehow found the time to join the Facebookand make 81 thespy friends, as well as launch a search for ‘Random Play’ with ‘Men’.Describing herself as ‘very Conservative’ and citing her favourite book as, well, her own autobi-ography, it’s certainly worth giving this modest TV queen a poke next time you’re online.

So you think you know Cambridge?

All photos on this page by Lily Humphries and Eva Wates

www.varsity.co.uk 13QUIZJune 24, 2005

1) Put the name of Cambridge’sfavourites club in chronologicalorder, starting with oldest first:a) Ballareb) Fifth Avenuec) Cindy’s

2) What disease are you mostlylikely to contract from swim-ming in the River Cam:a) Gonorrhoeab) Weil’s Diseasec) Myxomatosis

3) What occupied the sitewhich is now the JudgeInstitute of Management?a) Addenbrookes Hospitalb) Gardiesc) A brothel

4) What is the offical motto ofCambridge University?a) A ring ding ding ding dingb) Hinc lucem et pocula sacrac) That’s the way aha aha I like it

5) Which college got the lowestever score in UniversityChallenge?a) Trinityb) Trinity Hallc) New Hall

6) What is the Sex Club?

a) Ballare on Wednesdayb) Peterhouse JCRc) Life on Sunday

7) Who of the following isallowed to eat swan on specialoccasions?a) Members of St John’sb) Scudamore Puntersc) People with ASBOs.

8) How many colleges are therein Cambridge?a) 46b) 28c) 34

9) In which year was Peterhousefounded?a) 500BCb) 1869c) 1264

10) What anniversary will theUniversity celebrate in 2009?a) 300 yearsb) 1500 yearsc) 800 years

11) Which college has 31Nobel Prize winners, the most

of any college at Cambridge?a) St John’s Collegeb) Trinity Collegec) Fitzwilliam College

12) Of which college are EMForster, David Baddiel andCharles Clarke alumni?a) King’sb) Newnhamc) Peterhouse

13) What degree did CaroleVorderman receive?a) A first class in SPSb) A second class in Physicsc) A third class in Engineering

14) Which of the followinghave not been put on New HallDome?a) Footprintsb) A wheelie binc) A punt

15) What is Regent House?a) The governing body andprincipal electoral constituencyof the University.b) Wetherspoons Pubc) The 35th Cambridge college

which was closed in 1982.

16) Who is the currentChancellor of the University?a) Alison Richardb) HRH Philip, The Duke ofEdinburgh c) Wes Streeting

17) How many seats are there inthe Reading Room and WestRoom of the University Libary?a) 450b) 300c) 200

18) What is the official term fora form of punishment wherebya student is sent out of resi-dence for the remainder of theterm?a) Rasterisationb) Rowdificationc) Rustication

19) Match the kebabs andburgers to the appropriate gas-tronomic emporium:a) Gardiesb) Van of Lifec) Van of Death

Round 1:

Combine theseimages to makeup the name ofTripos subjects

Round 2:

Combine theseimages to makeup the name ofcolleges

Round 4:

Locate thesefamiliar land-marks aroundthe city

Round 3:

Test yourCantab trivia

a b

c d

a b

c d e f

a

b c

d e

1 2 3

Brainless Trivia BA Hons Cantab:Turn to page 11 to discover how

clued up you are.

Claiming to be the third biggestball in Cambridge, we had highexpectations of Queens’. Anddespite a slightly nondescripttheme, we were not disappoint-ed. Upon entering we were

greeted with a spectacular fire-works display over the riverfrom Erasmus Lawn which eas-ily rivalled those of John’s, asdid the ooing and aahing of theclearly impressed crowd.

Ostensibly based around an‘Art’ theme, each area represent-ed a different movement withcorresponding activities andrefreshment. For instance, in

the ‘Orientalism’ section, therewas mint tea, sheesha pipes andshiatsu massage on offer.However, the theme was notimmediately obvious and addedlittle to the general experience.

Despite this, the ball’sstrongpoint lay in its variety,with a wealth of food, drink andentertainment. From theseafood bar to the standard hogroast, even the fussiest eater wascatered for all night; the deli-catessen and fajitas seemed par-ticularly popular. Cloister Courtprovided Bellinis and beer,whilst for the non drinkers or

those just too far gone there wasa plentiful supply of soft drinks,with fresh juice, milkshakes andan interesting selection of teas.We were especially happy to gethold of several glasses of cham-pagne at six in the morning,indeed, a highlight of theevening was that there seemedto be a constant supply ofeverything.

The entertainment matchedthe variety of the refreshments:with the Kaiser Chiefs headlin-ing we opted instead to see thecriminally underattended EddyTemple Morris, who played an

eclectic set of bootlegs and clas-sic tracks. Another musicalhighlight was Crumbassive; justwhat was needed at 3am to getus through the inevitable after-effects of an hour in the sheesharoom. Everyone seemed imme-diately rejuvenated by theirfusion of jazz, hip hop anddrum and bass. Fire shows,hypnotists and ballroom danc-ing provided an alternative,whilst the mini golf, casino andfairground area also provedpopular.

The grounds appeared to bethe ideal location for this vari-

ety, with its many courts andlarge size. This did, however,only add to our general state ofconfusion as the evening woreon. Luckily the arches inCloister Court, gently lit andadorned with cushions, provid-ed the perfect setting for sober-ing up and considering the map.All in all, Queens’ ball certainlyticked all the right boxes and,crucially, kept its momentumthroughout the night. Crashingout at 6am, slightly dishevelled,the rest of the crowd amazinglystill appeared awake, freshfacedand very much alive.

It was when the man in the fluo-rescent waistcoat and violentorange shoelaces standing in abus stop (later identified as amember of the intriguingly-named “Cosmic Sausages”)offered his double bass to a sur-prised attendee in an eveninggown that onlookers realised,once and for all, that this wasMay Week in Cambridge.Where else, as the queue woundits way around North Court,would there be not only fire jug-glers, living statues and accor-dion-players but even arborealdecorations to disprove the oldadage that “money doesn’t growon trees”?

So began Emmanuel College’s2005 May Ball. After the expect-ed hour and a half of queuingguests were treated to the firststop in the Monopoly-themedball, Mayfair, where the cham-pagne reception was enlivenedwith hookah, sushi and snatchesof music emanating from theAngel, Islington-themed bar. Onpursuing the sounds, guests

found a truly international selec-tion of acts from Salsa dancersand the eclectic Baghdaddies totraditional Scottish Ceilidhdancing (which proved so popu-lar as to preclude your reviewersfrom participating). Past theAngel was Monopoly Central inthe Front Court, the setting ofthe well-chosen main music actsand the Waterworks ice bar.

The arches at the back of thecourtyard directed guests to themain fairground, the somewhatarbitrarily delineated areas ofTrafalgar Square, Euston Road,Leicester Square and RegentStreet. In Trafalgar Square stoodthe obligatory chocolate fountainwhich was well attendedthroughout the night and repletewith remarkably fresh donuts.Also to be found were tastySubway sandwiches whichproved perhaps too popular, run-ning out well before the nightwas over. In the way ofsideshows, for those guests soinclined there was a chance tosumo wrestle or to test theirstrength against the standard setby Lord Nelson (himself in evi-dence throughout the night,

accompanied by policemen, dap-per city gents and robbers).Situated in Leicester Square wasthe popular “London Eye” Ferriswheel and a number of foodstalls; unfortunately the ball’sexcellent standard was here letdown by the length of the queues(up to an hour) and rather vari-able quality. Completing theLeicester Square theme was amovie screen and red carpet, fea-turing celebrity look-alikes andprojected footage of Hollywood’sbrightest stars.

Regent Street was the site ofthe cabaret stage, hosting come-dians, magicians and a stomach-churning, yet undeniably capti-vating, entertainer who lay onglass and stapled paper to histhighs, chest - and forehead...The improv-comic troupeUncertainty Division were wellreceived and thoroughly enjoy-able.

No Monopoly board would becomplete without Jail, set in theCollege Bar and guarded by astring of DJs for those inmatesthat chose to dance the nightaway. Outside the Jail, PiccadillyCircus offered sideshows, kebabs,

confectionery and refreshing hotbacon rolls in the morning aswell as roving magicians and car-icaturists. The Vine Street winebar in the College Hall provideda more relaxed setting whereguests enjoyed fine classical, jazzand choral musicians while sip-ping wine and nibbling on cheese

and chocolates. A unique touchwas the Electric Company wherea variety of electronic arcadegames, in particular competitivekaraoke, attracted visitorsthroughout the night.

Apart from minor logisticalannoyances, such as ticketingproblems and a shortage of pro-

grammes, the EmmanuelCollege Ball proved a great suc-cess. The theme was particularlytastefully executed, despite thesix-foot papier mâché dog.

For one night, at least,Emmanuel College had aMonopoly on entertainment.

www.varsity.co.uk14 MAY BALL REVIEWS June 24, 2005

EmmanuelDavid Wyatt & Ifti Qurashi

JetP

hoto

grap

hic

Queens’Johanna Zetterstrom-Sharp & Sally Jennings

Occ

asio

nalP

hoto

grap

hy

Occ

asio

nalP

hoto

grap

hy

Trinity has a certain obligation tofollow a particular formula whenit comes to putting on ‘the bestparty in the world’: champagne,oysters and hot air balloon ridesall come pretty high on the agen-da. All these guarantees they tickthe right box in style.

The night started off excellent-ly. The queuing for wrist bandswent smoothly. The reception inthe Wren was as overwhelming asever. And the truffles accompany-ing the drinks were divine.However things started feeling alittle more unfamiliar as the nightwent on.

On arriving in Cambridgemany students make it their mis-sion to get hold of an elusive pairof Trinity Ball tickets at some

point during their tenure. And it’sno wonder they do as this is anight of decadence and extrav-agence.There are times to indulgeand this night marks the start ofMay Week in ultimate style. Onthe whole it’s slick and quality.Their champagne is the finest atany ball. Their food is the tastiest(the Japanese in particular) andthe ents are amongst the mostsophisticated. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity and the com-mittee do a remarkable job torealise dreams and generallyexceed expectations.

However at points thereseemed something slightly bizarrein the whole set up. There weresome apparent and absolute con-tradictions in the event. Guestsshelled out over a hundredpounds for tickets and even more

for gowns and suits, for a night ofindulgence and true class.However this decadence didn’textend to all corners of the ball:seeing guests barge each other outof the way to get to the oysters,watching workers and guests alikehunt around for clean glasses tofill up champagne, and drinkershaving to use their hands to pickout ice for their drinks from buck-ets.

Such observations aren’t beingmade to draw attention to theraucous behaviour of the guests.These were students who hadfought hard to get their tickets toattend a world renowned ball inworld renowned surroundings.They intended, and had everyright to sample the fare.Unfortunately, it was felt oftenthey weren’t really able to.

While the committee mayargue the champagne didn’t runout, the glasses did. Workerslooked harassed as they ran fromone end of the table opening bot-tles of champagne in one handand collecting any remnants ofclean flutes in the other.

It was a ball of extremes. Thefireworks were great. Though dif-ficult to do badly if you have abudget as big as they do to lightup the sky. The food was tasty.Although hog roast ran out beforemidnight. The surroundings wereexquisite. But it was at Trinity, thegrandest of the colleges and theball’s décor definitely didn’t doanything to push boundaries.

The most surreal sight of thenight was one exclusive to Trinitythis year. Just as I collected a glassof champagne I saw one of the

senior members of the collegelinked to the ball accost a worker,screaming obscenities at himwhile he headed back to his tentcarrying some alcohol he hadbeen asked by the committee tomove. Witnessing him beingdragged to the security staff whilehe tried to explain in a lucid andlevel headed fashion was bothunreasonable and completelyembarrassing to those who hadbeen involved in organising thismassive occasion. And as studentsmembers of the committeeignored the situation it just madeit all the more uncomfortable forthose involved.

On a more positive note theents did an excellent job. TheMagic Numbers went downsuperbly with the crowd andElectric Six managed to bring out

a couple of classics just as peoplewanted to get that little bit morerowdy. Terri Walker also provideda great accompaniment towardsthe end of the night catering for adifferent crowd.

Highlights of the ball includedthe smoked salmon bagels, GetDown tent and the man whocould pop ping pong balls out ofhis mouth to a tune on somewhiskey bottles. Three things youwouldn’t necessarily expect to seetogether in the same review oreven sentence. These were excel-lent touches, but such that wereachievable at any ball.Trinity needto start doing more if they want tohang on to an ailing reputation ofone of the best events inCambridge. Even deserving theright to compete as one of the bigtwo.

We have a confession to make.We skipped the St John’squeue. We are, of course,wholly committed to thehighest standards of objectivi-ty; but there are limits.Offered a fast-track ticket,after a lengthy (well, lengthy-ish) struggle with our con-sciences, we came to the con-clusion that it was The RightThing To Do. Still, apparent-ly the two-hour wait wasn’tnearly so unpleasant as thesethings can be, since the organ-isers thoughtfully commis-sioned a cellist and the John’sGents (of whom more later) tosoothe the baying masses.

It was fortunate said massesgot in when they did, really,since our first move was awhistle-stop tour of the vari-ous culinary pleasures on offer,and had we been left alonewith them for very muchlonger one of two thingswould have happened: deathby hog-roast, or an unprece-dented supply shortage beforesunset. The range and qualityof foodstuffs on offer – thesaid enormous pig, various sal-ads, emu burgers (yes, emuburgers) and above all thesteak sandwiches - was reallysuperb. Then there were

donuts for afters. It wasalmost too much. But notquite.

And that’s the great thingabout going to John’s. Theconsumption is just conspicu-ous enough, and the site justbig enough, that there’s alwayssomething you want to dowithin easy reach, and only avery few attractions (the bigwheel, the beautiful balloon,the early morning baconsarnies, and not much else)were dishearteningly oversub-scribed. May balls and theirconcomitant pressure to HaveFun can often induce a kind ofgluttonous panic, so that oneends up running from stall tostall in the vain attempt to getone’s money’s worth, like acontestant on a high-endentertainment basedSupermarket Sweep; at John’s,everywhere you turned, somenew pleasure presented itself,and so there was no rush to doanything.

The most extravagant suchpleasure was probably the fire-works, which were incredible.The rumour (so says TheTimes – how many studentevents get reviewed in thenationals?) was that they cost£20,000, and the figure doesn’tseem outlandish: other thanthat, our firework-descriptivevocabulary is sadly lacking.

That one that looked like agiant sea anemone was nice, isthe best we can do.

The Do Me Bad Things areeasier to describe, and werevery little like a giant seaanemone: more a kind ofhyperactive octopus, thisriotous nine-piece (all right,so the octopus would need anextra tentacle) were perfectmay ball entertainment, unre-pentantly energetic in thesame way the Scissor Sisters

were last year, and similarlylikely to achieve Big Things inthe near future. HeadlinersRoyksopp – an impressiveheadlining act on paper – did-n’t have quite the samethrilling stage presence. Still,if they weren’t as universallyrelevant a proposition as theideal May Ball Band ought tobe, it’s not like there was adearth of alternative sources ofentertainment – and thosewho stayed were pretty

pleased they had done so.How to fit it all in? Um. A

list will have to do. Excellent,award-winning (if occasional-ly self-indulgent) comedian,Stephen K Amos. Cheesyhypnotist. (Our tip: don’t gethypnotised. You’ll find peoplegive you funny looks after-wards.) Good jazz tent. Fruitypimms. Beautifully decoratedBridge of Sighs. Sweaty, heav-ing, drum and bass tent.Terrible wedding disco tent,

full of old ladies cackling anddancing round their handbags,but each to their own. Casino.And peerless, gorgeous, best-close-harmony-ending-to-a-may-bal l-you-can-imagineGents, who will force even thestoniest-hearted Cantabrianto accept that it’s pretty nice,sometimes, being here. Allright, we didn’t queue: butwe’re sure, even if we had, thatit would still have seemed verydefinitely worth it.

St John’s

Eve Williams

www.varsity.co.uk 15MAY BALL REVIEWSJune 24, 2005

Archie Bland & AmolRajan

First and Third Trinity Boat Club

JetP

hoto

grap

hic

JetP

hoto

grap

hic

JetP

hoto

grap

hic

JetP

hoto

grap

hic

Cambridge is often considered to bean inward-looking, self-absorbedbubble. In an institution this ancientit is not entirely surprising that someof the most ancient and arcane tra-ditions have been preserved for cen-turies. There are few more arcanetraditions than the May Ball, buteven when it comes to these, thereare different levels of progressive-ness. While some committees relaxtheir dress codes and replace cham-pagne with alcopops, one ball res-olutely refuses to give up its proudheritage. One of the only Balls tostill insist on a White Tie dress code,one of the only to serve champagneall night, and surely one of the onlyto charge as much as £320 for a dou-ble ticket; that ball is Magdalene.

Uniquely, Magdalene Ball is pri-marily intended for dining guests,but a certain number of non-diningtickets were also available. In theeventuality, those who had chosennot to sample the delights of theMarco Pierre White designed menuwere rewarded for their parsimony:technical problems in the diningtent led the food to be delayedbeyond the point when the non-diners arrived. Guests arriving atthat time had the entire grounds tothemselves, happily enjoying deli-cious emu burgers, wild boarsausages and crepes while the dinersput up with failing lights as theywaited for their dessert. But despitethis, the smoked salmon starter and

lamb main dish were widely report-ed to be delicious.

Even when the meal had finishedand the dining tent spilled its con-tents out into the rest of the ball, theexpansive grounds absorbed themeasily without ever seeming full orbusy. While this had the welcomeresult that there were no queues foranything, the atmosphere remainedvery relaxed and there was none ofthe frenzied excitement whichcharges some of the other balls.

Exploring the ball, the firstimpression was how well the spaceafforded by the College had beenused. The expansive Fellow’sGarden was unrecognisable as tentsoffering a range of food and enter-tainment delineated passages andpaths, all lit up by strings of lanternshanging in the trees. Colourfullighting of both the buildings andthe gardens gave the college a slight-ly unreal quality, which only helpedto magnify the sense of occasion.

The drinks throughout wereexcellent. After being welcomedwith some delicious raspberry andlychee bellinis, any thirst was easilyslaked by a well-stocked bar in thearches of the beautiful Pepys’Library.Wine,port,cocktails and,ofcourse,abdundant champagne,wereall on offer during the course of theevening.

The entertainments on offer wereof high quality, although the gener-ally relaxed nature of the ball pre-vented any of them generating a realbuzz. I never thought I would be

grateful for having my face pressedinto a sweaty bloke’s armpit, butsometimes a heaving throng of peo-ple is just what you need to enthuseyou with the energy to bounce hap-pily around to a B-list indie band.Not that the Thrills disappointedwith their set, which was an enjoy-able mix of tunes I vaguely knewand songs that sounded like thesongs I vaguely knew.It was a shamethat the main tent, impressivelydecked out with a starry ceiling, was

so badly ventilated,and I didn’t meetanyone who managed to last theentire set without having to go out-side to cool down.

Away from the main Collegebuildings, guests were given wel-come relief from the genteel atmos-phere by the dodgems. In one of theonly places in the ball when therewasn’t enough to go around, previ-ously serene couples rushed from thefringes after each round to fight overthe cars. A casino on a riverboat

added another layer of glamour andexclusivity.

As the dawn broke, the guestsreturned to the dining tent for a deli-cious cooked breakfast. The eggs,bacon, sausages and beans were allvery welcome and were a significantimprovement on the bacon rollshanded out in many other balls.Thesurvivors photo, which was sched-uled for 6.30, was almost too late,but not for lack of entertainment (arock ‘n’ roll band was still getting the

crowds moving right up to the end).In providing a very traditional

and elegant evening, the MagdaleneMay Ball was hugely successful.Thefood and drink were plentiful anddelicious, the entertainment accom-plished and varied, and the collegegrounds had been beautifully trans-formed for the occasion. However,the atmosphere was occasionally alittle too quiet and subdued to be atruly exciting ball. Perhaps I justdon’t appreciate ancient traditions.

www.varsity.co.uk16 MAY WEEK June 24, 2005

MagdaleneHenry Bowen Je

tPho

togr

aphi

c

Next time you’re trying to dancethe hippy-hippy-shake in highheels and a floor-length satin frockwithout spilling your champagneor getting oyster ooze in your hair,ask yourself whether you wouldn’tbe happier with ripped jeans andwarm Carling, having messy funthat didn’t involve jazz piano,queues or shallow compliments.Maybe you should have ditchedthe white tie and bought a ticket toKing’s.

The atmosphere was buzzingand relaxed; it was fun you couldactually feel and taste, rather than acontinuous procession of photoops, starched formalities, and poshrole-playing. The theme this yearwas Alice in Wonderland: knavesof hearts distributed jam tarts,Mad Hatters poured tea (well,vodka and orange, because ‘propertea is theft… Do you get it? I’m somad, me!’) and bunny girls mincedaround tenuously. The front lawnwas full of oversized games includ-ing Laser Quest and giantConnect Four, and the Hallhoused cartoonists, manicures,haircuts, massages, and a chocolatefountain, as well as comedy actsand a roving magician who left oneof us dazzled (‘I bet he has magic

gypsy blood,’) and the other wistful(‘He must get so many girls…’)

As headliners we got much-hyped indie foursome theDeparture (angular, black-clad,very sub-Joy Division), Braziliandrum’n’bass hero DJ Marky (awe-some, even though most of us weremelting from the heat), and AndySmith, who has somehow built acareer on being mates withPortishead, but whose crowd-pleasing set of hip hop, soul, funk,and house could not be faulted.Also worth mentioning were DJ

Rip’s unstoppable grime/dubstepassault, ecstatic drumming in thecourtyard from Shekere and theCambridge Samba Band, anddancehall DJs Heatwave provingyet again, as the sun came up, thatragga jungle is the best thing in theworld.

We did hear complaints that£50 is a bit much for the nightwhen, if you just want to dance todrum’n’bass for seven hours, youcould do that at the Junction fornot much more than a tenner; butthen, at the Junction, you don’t get

1. perhaps the most beautifulassortment of hip young thingsevery assembled in one place, 2.free drinks (shout out to the lack-adaisical barman who pioneeredthe ‘self-service’ approach to spiritmeasures) 3. hide-and-seek withyour friends among giant inflatablemushrooms on the normally-out-of-bounds front lawn of a 550-year-old Cambridge college. Bothof us enjoyed King’s a lot morethan we enjoyed Trinity: balls areso over. You can pose if you like;we’d rather dance.

Trinity Hall’s June Event wasthe perfect way to round offMay Week frivolity. Theevent was helped by the factthat those who are luckyenough to get tickets are alsothose who enjoy pure unadul-terated fun and dancing.

It did not take long to beallowed entry into the event,which was in stark compari-son to the long-queues thatone would find when waitingto enter Trinity or John’s ball.However, the queues for foodand drink inside the eventitself were diabolical, withsome having to wait up to anhour for a fajita or a burger.Despite having a lot of varietyin sweet and savoury food – aBBQ, fajitas, pizzas, donuts,ice-creams, candy-floss – bythe time you had queued foran hour to get a burger, join-ing another queue to get aslice of pizza would have beenmore like punishment thanthe roaring time that hadbeen promised. The onlything that there wasn’t aqueue for was water.Although it was a good ideato provide it.

Tit Hall’s event however isnot about food, it’s about funand this it provided in abun-dance. The laid-back festivalatmosphere of the eventmeant that ladies could danceabout, sit on the grass and justget sweaty without fear ofruining their expensive ball

dresses, in what was more likean extended outdoor versionof a night out at Cindies.

One difference betweenCindies and Tit Hall’s eventhowever was the brilliant liveacts. Under pressure to topthe Bluetones headlining theevent last year, the committeedid not fail to provide withMylo, who has been dubbed“Scotland’s answer toRoyksopp,” performing thisyear to a receptive audience ofrevellers.

However, it must be saidthat Cambridge’s own biggestband Sleepwalker stole thenight, performing a brilliantset which got people dancingin the sweltering heat thatfilled the live tent. It was ashame, however, that theQueen tribute band, QueenB, who many of the event-goers had been looking for-ward to, ended up only per-forming for half an hour afterhaving difficulties setting up.The little time that they didhave to perform, however, wasgood fun and the audiencereally enjoyed dancing andsinging along to some ofQueen’s greatest hits. Theboos that greeted the eventorganisers when they orderedQueen B to stop and told therevellers to go home, was onlytestament to the fact thosewho had attended had notwanted it to end and werewilling to push through thefun-induced fatigue thatevery May Week socialiteexperiences.

King’s Affair

www.varsity.co.uk 17MAY BALL REVIEWSJune 24, 2005

Jess Holland &Ned Beauman

Trinity HallChine Mbubaegbu &Lucy Phillips

Nao

miC

hrist

ie

Luc

yPh

illip

s

Lionel Parker Print Services Ltd offers a bespoke print broking consultancy service for all print requirements, saving clients both

time and money.Clients benefit from my 35 years experience in the printing industry,and I can offer detailed knowledge and advice for all aspects of their

print needs.

Some of the products I can source are:

� paperback and hardcase books, 4 colour, 2 colour or monochrome

� plastic coil binding of books, teachers guides and manuals� full colour catalogues� flyers, posters and sales blads� special and leather edition bindings� library binding for journals and magazines� all items of stationery from business cards to bill

heads� personalised wedding sationery� full service for the supply and overprinting of

corporate and personal Christmas cards.

Why not contact me and I shall be more than pleasedto submit any estimates and discuss your

requirements. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose!

Lionel Parker Print Services Ltd

128 Northampton Rd Tel / Fax : 01933 270411Wellingborough Mobile: 07941 417621Northants Email: lionel@lppsltd.co.ukNN8 3PJ Web: http://www.lppsltd.co.uk

Homerton College’s May Ballwas all about having fun,reflecting the laid-back andeasy-going character of themembers of the college itself.It did not pretend to beTrinity or John’s, but excelledat providing good food andentertainment, without com-paring itself to its moregrandiose counterparts.

The college has a lot ofground, and to its credit, thecommittee did not try toutilise it to create a vastexpanse of Ball, but insteadcreated an intimate event,with all the main attractionscentralised. Among thesemain attractions were RadioOne DJ Scott Mills, who pro-vided a good set which got thesomewhat star-struck revellersdancing and was reminiscentof a freshers’ week event atany other normal university.Unfortunately, many missedout on seeing Cambridge’sown student talent,Sleepwalker, in the main tentwho were up against stiffcompetition with Mills’ setbeing on at the same time.The band have been afavourite at May Balls andents for the past couple ofyears and it was a shame thatmany missed out on theopportunity to see them per-form due to timetabling.

Britney Tribute “PureBritney,” was a hit with themale members of the audi-ence, despite her annoyingfake American accent. She’srumoured to have actuallybeen Welsh. The female ball-goers treated the performancemore as a karaoke, and werekeen to show off their ownvocal stylings by singing alongto all of Britney’s hits. One ofthe highlights of the perform-ance, however, was a volunteerwho was chosen to accompanyBritney on stage and nearlystole the show with his MC-ing.

The amazing Renegade BigBand also deserves a mentionfor their original style of mix-ing 20s and 30s big band stylewith contemporary hits, andMotown and soul classics.

The usual food favouriteswere present, including thehog roast, burgers and alwayspopular chocolate fountain,which lasted late into thenight. Drink was in abun-dance and despite the longqueues at the packed bar, ball-goers did not have to waitlong to sample the varioustreats.

Other attractions con-tributing to the ArabianNights theme included themagic carpet ride, a fun-fairride, the bucking camel, andsnake charmer who roamedaround with her boa constric-tor which she later lent to the

Britney impersonator for her“Slave 4 U” performance.

Congratulations to VickySmolen and her dedicated andhard-working committee forproviding a fun-packed ballwhich utilised the availableresources excellently. It was anextremely enjoyable night andHomerton Ball should be rec-ognized for future May Weeksas a ball to be reckoned with.

Occ

asio

nalP

hoto

grap

hy

www.varsity.co.uk 19MAY BALL REVIEWSJune 24, 2005

Chine Mbubaegbu &Lucy Phillips

Homerton

Dodgems are a good way tostart any ball, here they wereindicative of the pace andadrenalin that was to follow.Not sure if Robinson wasstylish or whether it held pre-tensions of being so, but itwas fun.

It didn’t convincingly pro-vide the international odysseythat tit promised but it gave aconstant sacchirne overload ofwacky rides, thumping musicand sugared treats. VK Bluewas the majority’s drink ofchoice; a modest reminderthat the ball was less of anevent and more of a party. Aparty with endless barbecuesuypplies for the bloodthirsty, an international rangeof cuisine to match the themeand a much appreciatedchocolate fountain that left ussmiling but with the sorriestdry cleaning bill. The fire-works were brash but bold,beautiful but not as slick asthey might have been.Themed entertainers runningaround like madickumpalumepers in this redbrick playground were a defi-nite highlight, although itsometimes seemed as if theywere having more fun thananyone else at the ball.

Effectively costumed, well

rehearsed and properly chore-ographed their routines pro-vided a welcome sense ofenergy throughout the night.Cambridge band BlytheSpirit were very popular inthe main hall with theirfusion of popular jazz andblues. The Medics Revuefilled the auditorium withinminutes, Bentley Rhythm Acedjed, were excellent but poor-ly attended and badlyreceived.

Much of they key to enjoy-ing the ball to its full poten-tial was being in the rightplace at the right time. Wediscovered the excitement ofan extravagant cocktail bar(completely with flaring wait-ers) while dozens queued forwarm beers in the busierareas. One unfortunate crash-er was dragged through theball screaming by misguidedsecurity guards putting adampener the atmosphere formany.

Both the successes and fail-ures of the evening resultedfrom the enormous ambitionof the ball’s organisers. Often,as with the steam omittingmodel of ‘Fiona’, the chuwchuw train, this saw thetheme’s potential realised.The key to many a May Ballwell shown here at Robinsonis for your glass to be half full.

Agata Belcen

Robinson

Occ

asio

nalP

hoto

grap

hy

JetP

hoto

grap

hic

JetP

hoto

grap

hic

www.varsity.co.uk20 BOX ADS June 24, 2005

CIR is a Cambridge-based technology and financial con-sultancy, since 2001, that founded, manages and writesthe CIR High Value Manufacturing (HVM) UK ConferenceSeries and Reports. CIR is now hiring a team to ensurethe 2005 events are again a success.

Role 1: HVM research and conference marketing prepa-ration. Contract July - September 2005.Role 2: Conference Marketing. Contract September –November 2005. Possible permanent role(s) aftercontract; Graduates only; Event marketing experiencepreferred.

If you are an energetic, enthusiastic, friendly person, ableto work within a research and marketing team for thisprestigious conference series, please contact Dr JustinHayward, MD, at 01223 303500. http://www.cambridgeinvestmentresearch.com/events/ 66 mmoonntthh rreesseeaarrcchheerr ppoossiittiioonn

ffoorr aann eexxcceeppttiioonnaall ccaannddiiddaattee aavvaaiillaabbllee oonn nneeww ffllaaggsshhiipp TTVV nneewwss

mmaaggaazziinnee pprrooggrraammmmeeYou must be brimming with ideas for great

news-making interviews. Email CV and cover-ing letter with ideas of people that we'd chase

to gideonmjoseph@yahoo.co.uk<mailto:Gideon.Joseph@bskyb.com>

FURNISHED HOUSE TO LETFor year 2005- 06. Very suitable for group of five.

Situated within newly built (1997) courtyard inAbbey Street, near Grafton Centre. Accommodationincludes five study bedrooms, common room, groundfloor kitchen, first floor kitchenette. Bathroom/show-er room first floor and separate w.c. Small enclosedgarden at rear with separate access. Three parkingplaces in courtyard. Available August. Rent £295 per person per month. Excellent internal con-ditionand one of the best student accommodation housesavailable. Inquiries to University Accommodation Service, 18Silver Street (Cambridge 353518) or Dr FrankBeavington on 01732 845 791.

EDINBURGHFESTIVAL 2005Solve your accommodation

problems by calling Carole Smith/Anne Goring

on 01620 810 620email address: festflats@aol.com

or write to Festival Flats, 3 Linkylea Cottages,Gifford, East Lothian, EH41 4PE

www.festivalflats.net

SamSamSmileySmiley68 Trumpington Street

Special OfferFree Large Filter

Coffee or Tea withany filled productbefore 10.30am.

available from 11.00am

Only £1.50

The Marlowe Societyseeks Cambridge

Playwrites to submitscripts for

Michaelmas Scriptlab, workshopped by

professional directors. Email scripts to

alf28@cam.ac.uk by September 20th.

Dan

ielM

cNam

ara

and

Lily

Hum

phri

es

After the exam-termtyranny of the brain,May Week is the

moment for the body to takeits revenge. Brain cells assidu-ously cultivated are deliberate-ly and deliciously destroyed.Dancing, drinking, sunningour way through a week ofhedonism, we vigorouslyreassert the pleasures of theflesh. Jonson’s BartholomewFair, which forms the centre-piece of a full day of themedfestivity in Robinson gardens,pays fitting May Week hom-age to these temporal pleas-ures, remembering and recre-ating an early modern Londonfestival when custom andrestraint were cast aside infavour of carnival carnality.

Co-director Alex Outhwaitestresses that the MarloweSociety’s Bartholomew Fair is

as much an event as a play, aday made by the crowd and theatmosphere as well as by theproduction. Still, the eventhinges on the one-off oppor-tunity to catch the production,its playfulness accentuatedthrough the freshness of a sin-gle performance, its brashexhibitionism reflected inpatches of colour in costumeand set. Bartholomew Fair cen-tres on the grotesquelyenlarged spectre of flesh in astate of indulgence. The beau-tifully crafted, lurid puppetswho take centre stage in theplay’s finale vividly ape thevice of the human characters.

The production fires offveritable volleys of celebratoryparty poppers: 150 years sincethe last Bartholomew Fair washeld at Smithfields, 100 yearsof the Marlowe Society, a finalflourish for the Swarbrick-Outhwaite directorial duo.

The production also allows itsaudience to celebrateCambridge’s acting talent,boasting a stellar cast includ-ing Ben Deery, HollyStrickland and Adam Welch,on top comic form, enjoyingthemselves as thoroughly astheir audience.

The May Week setting ofthis classic piece highlightsthe parallels between the car-nival moment enjoyed by the‘low-life’ of 17th centuryLondon and the high life we,too, enjoy yearly, fleetingly,and to excess; a momentwhen, whether at SmithfieldMarket or on Trinity backs,sensual fulfillment is glorifiedand permitted. Thesemoments of release remain asessential today as 400 yearsago; and the full BartholomewFair experience as presentedby the Marlowe Society offersthe ideal incentive to indulge.

www.varsity.co.uk22 THEATRE June 24, 2005

Sophie Middlemiss

Mic Wright

Sarah Brocklehurst on Bugsy

Ambition, rivalry, andshowbusiness with atouch of glamour, in the

Union: Bugsy Malone is anintimate, adult and sexy take onan old classic.

Bugsy Malone, set in down-town New York in the middleof the prohibition era, followsthe rivalry between two gangsof mobsters. Fat Sam, who runsone of the most popularspeakeasies in town, is in dan-ger of being closed down by his‘business rival’ Dandy Dan.Rivalry is spared violence, sincebullets are replaced by sillystring and foam, and the audi-ence becomes aware of theimportance of dreams, friend-ship and the fragility of success.An array of strewn undergar-ments, fabrics and bedsheetstransform the Union’s debating

chamber into an intimate JazzHall: Fat Sam’s Grand SlamSpeakeasy. The forestage islined with fairy lights. The cos-tumes employ a contrastbetween black and white suitsand braces, with flamboyantpink flapper dresses, feathersand pearls to evoke the glamourof the jazz age.

However, this glamour issensitively directed at anadult audience. Tallullah, por-trayed by Ellie Spyrides - “if Ididn’t look this good, youwouldn’t even give me thetime of day” - is a sultry pri-madonna with a powerful

voice, who nonetheless dis-plays the fragility induced byage and drunkenness.

As Bugsy, Megan Prosserconfidently drives the pro-duction, and wins the trustand attention of her audience.Her ‘New Yoik’ accent ispractically faultless, and she isvery convincing as a charm-ing, sensitive yet smoothyoung man. As the rivals, FatSam and Dandy Dan respec-tively, Matt Bethell’s deep,husky voice allows for comiccontrast with Osh Jones’ neu-rotic expression, directing hisspeech obsessively to a rose,and moving in an eccentricyet sleek manner.

A very enjoyable well-paced production: cool, sexy,dark, and fun.

bullets arereplaced by sillystring and foam

Very MidsummerMadnessJames Knight on May Week theatre

Putting on a May Week playis one of the most foolishendeavours imaginable.

Rehearsal time is restricted byexams, the spectre of the hang-over casts its shadow across allaspects of the production, andthere is little chance of playsbeing remembered as anythingmore than a surreal interlude in aweek of drunken haze. And yetthe tradition of classic plays per-formed in places they shouldn’tbe by people in no fit state to per-form them continues, and aspira-tion triumphs over reason timeand time again. Aside from theMay Week staple of truncatedShakespeare in gardens whichthrives in the form of AMidsummer Night’s Dream atClare, Much Ado about Nothing atQueens’, and the eye-catchingNaked Hamlet at Christ’s, thereare some more imaginative pro-ductions on offer.

"Come to Narnia!" was theinstruction that ushered audiencemembers to the second of fourstages in an ambitious produc-tion of The Lion, the Witch, & the

Wardrobe at Emmanuel. "Cometo the domestic setting," was themore prosaic invitation which

returned the audience to the firststage for the close of the play. Justas the production could neverhope to transport its audiencefrom the eternal sunshine ofEmma gardens to the land of“always winter, neverChristmas”, so too could itthankfully not evade its frequent-ly tongue-in-cheek status as anabsurd entertainment.

An alternative to the straw-berries of the garden plays is theliberal splash of whipped creamprovided by Bugsy Malone at TheUnion. The trick of the film wasto present the hard-nosed worldof gangsters through the joyful

amateurishness of child actors,but this production accomplish-es a similar feat by lending thealcohol-fuelled lackadaisical tra-dition of the May Week play arigorous professional vision. Ofcourse, this conflict of attitudesruns the risk of producingresults as messy as a splurge-gun shoot-out, but the ending isa happy one here.

The epitome of May Weekdrama, however, lies in produc-tions like Twelfth Night in theidyllic setting of PeterhouseDeer Park. The acting may bedistinctly hammy, the set nomore than a bench, and sub-plots full of colourful trousersare given precedence overShakespeare’s main plot, but theproduction provides exactly thekind of inconsequential diver-sion which the decadence ofMay Week demands. Feste’sassertion that "the rain, itraineth every day", reminds usonly that we are perfectly happyprovided it doesn’t rain on us.Foolish these plays may be, butthe fool is wisest here.

Ada

mA

brah

ami

The fun of the fairBugsy Malone at the Cambridge Union

Naked and proud, Underthe Blue, Blue Moonrevealed itself to the

world like a family friend turnedflasher: familiar and yet truly dis-turbing. It elicited an uncertainresponse that veered violentlybetween laughter and embarrass-ment, lucidity and confusion.

Beneath a glowing moonunfolds the story of a man rico-cheting between the dreamworld imposed by a lightninginduced coma and the more con-crete, yet still bizarre, day to dayexistence. It is a show filled withcurious conceits, where radioproducers and presenters findthemselves stuck in pipes anddreams are knots in string.

This is a show created by anextremely talented team,cracklingwith electricity and energy. Yet,understandably, it is by no meansthe finished article, nor withoutsome rather troublesome faults.As has often been the case inFootlights smokers, there are anumber of sketches that seem tobe unfinished or lacking in polish,tumbling into desperate endings

or abrupt interjections.The most important problem

is the narrative that has lostsome meaning in translation.Without a helpful hint by theproducer about the play's con-ceit of switching between adream world and rememberedreality the story would haveremained unclear.

Despite these reservations,

this is a strong proposition,ready and able to face therigours of touring and thestresses of the festival. SimonBird is especially good, mostnotably in the monologue thatopens the second act a, whilstNadia Kamil shows a versatili-ty that other actors would payto understand. Dan Mansellturns in a set of refreshingly

cheeky and unique perform-ances and Lisa Owens exudesconfidence and comic timing.Max Bennett, charged with thehardest task - to play the foil -does so with stunning ease.After a metaphorical showerand shave in Edinburgh, UnderThe Blue, Blue Moon will returnmetamorphosed from the sham-bling flasher to a comic Adonis.

The kind of inconsequentialdiversion which

the decadence ofMay Weekdemands

Sex in the Union

In the glare of the Footlights

May Week provides the per-fect opportunity for sunnyoutdoor productions. TheLion, the Witch and theWardrobe is perhaps the onestory that would seem torequire complex indoor setdesign to recreate the wintryatmosphere of Narnia. REDStranscends this problem bymaking the setting the focalpoint of the performance.

C.S. Lewis's much-lovedstory centres around four chil-dren who find themselvestransported from the realititesof war-time England whenthey stumble into the magicalworld of Narnia: here, underthe rule of the White Witch,the land must always liegripped in a permanent winter.To restore freedom to Narnia,the four children must defeatthe White Witch, and restorethe noble lion Aslan as King.

While outdoor productionsoften compromise convincingacting in favour of voice projec-tion, the actors were not hin-dered at all. The four childrenwere conveyed without precious-ness, and Tom Secretan was aregal yet benevolent Aslan: a per-fect realisation of the originalcharacter. Martha Spurrier as the

White Witch was perhaps thestar of the show. Adorned infloaty white chiffon, she was atonce commanding and intimi-dating; shaping her arms intoballetic gesticulations that werereminiscent of archaic dramaticconventions.

The audience, initially seatedunder the low-hanging branch-es of the trees in the Emmanuelgardens, were not allowed toremain there for long; as Lucydiscovered Narnia, the audiencewere ushered in with her, step-ping across the stage to theother side of the set. Actorsstepped in and out of the sur-rounding trees and movedfreely among the audience. Thisabsorption of the audience intothe actual setting was one of themost effective elements to theproduction.

Director Mathilda Imlahdepicted the slaying of Aslan asbeing sacrificial and ceremonial;the ommission of a symbolicresurrection did serve toocclude the religious allegory ofthe original story. However, sheproduced an energetic, imagi-native production that marriedperfectly the action of the playwith an arboreous backdrop,resulting in an engaging, andabove all enjoyable way tospend an afternoon in MayWeek.

Everyone knows that mostMay Week plays are awful. Ifthe actor even manages to turnup, the poor bastard’s almostcertain to forget his lines.Time, resources and energy allcombine to make these plays a

near no-go zone. None of thismatters however, as long asthere is a sense of fun behindthe production. Allegra Galvin,the director of Shakespeare’scomedy Much Ado aboutNothing, is well aware of this.Their poster gives an indicationof the production’s ethos: slick,attractive and cheeky. At nopoint does this production takeitself too seriously, which is justwhat the wandering, hung-overmasses are after.

The cloister arcades providea unique backdrop, thoughthose who went to Queens’ Ballmight find it hard to acceptthat what was once a trancetent, is now the garden of acountry mansion. As the MayBall programme tells us, thiscloister walk provides ‘the mostcheerful and perhaps the mostloveable of all Cambridgecourts.’ A little biasedmethinks, but not far off. This

production is not carried bypretty scenery and pretty actorsalone. Not all of the actors arejust pretty. Beatrice andBenedick both make the mostof their roles, and their quickfire interchanges are a joy tobehold. There is somethingabout this love affair that res-onates with Cambridge stu-dents: their relationship thriveson witty banter, but beyondthat it all gets a bit dicey. Towatch Beatrice and Benedickfall in love is to watch twoCambridge students fall inlove, which is always appealing.

Though the two principalsare the obvious foundation ofthis production, it is the comictouches that hold the piecetogether. The casting is diverse,with actors that regularly fea-ture in ‘straight’ Cambridgeplays, as well as a number ofFootlight comedians. It’s a mixthat almost gives this produc-tion the feel of a CambridgeSmoker. Allegra has successful-ly silenced the drunken heck-lers with her production, andmight even make some of themthink a bit about love.

Charlotte Newman

Summer wine in new bottles

A trance tent isnow the garden ofa country mansion

Don’t miss the highlightsof Cambridge theatre hit-ting the Edinburghfringe...

THE THREEPENNYOPERAC Too - 10.30pm4-29th August

Boasting scantily clad chairdancers, luscious lingerieand great tunes

HEDWIG AND THEANGRY INCH10.25pm. 5-27th AugustGreenside Church, Venue231

After its sell-out success inCambridge, this energisedand eclectic musical is setto take the fringe by storm.

ASTRAKHAN WINTER3pm, August 3-29thC+3

Electric world premiere byaward-winning play-wright. This adrenaline-fuelled political fable pres-ents characters resurrectingthe past, evicted by thepresent and unable to finda future.

SOME EXPLICITPOLAROIDS2.15pm, 4th-9th AugustCaves 3, SmirnoffUnderbelly

‘Every day I wake up and Isay, ‘Another f***ing day’’.

VOLPONE5.20pm, 4th-29th AugustCaves 1, SmirnoffUnderbelly

The temptation of thedevil lures all.

THRILLSEEKING 9pm, 4th-29th AugustC Venues, Central Studio2

Fun, death, sex, drugs,infatuation...

WOMEN OF TRACHIS7-29th AugustC Venues, +1 Theatre

Sophocles reworked, thispromises to be an inventivenew take on an age-oldtext.

IT’S PLAYTIME

Ben

Rei

zens

tein

Imog

enW

alfo

rd

MMuucchh AAddoo AAbboouutt NNootthhiinnggPreview by Miriam GillinsonQueens’, 22-25 June

www.varsity.co.uk 23THEATREJune 24, 2005

The magical world of Narnia

‘I have no doubt but to hearthem say it was a pleasant com-edy’: boasting a lively cast be-swathed in evening-wear, achampagne bar, an unexpectednod to Gina G and a bit with adog, Simon Evans’ productionof A Midsummer Night’s Dreamcertainly possesses key ingredi-ents for the fulfilment of thisprophecy. Aware that theDream cometh annually with asmuch inevitability as MayWeek itself, Evans hasapproached his project armedwith a drive to vitalise it whichis evident in the play as a whole,and notably so in his own per-formance of Oberon/Theseus

to Ros Gater’s excellently aloofyet sympathetic Titania/Hippolyta.

The stunning and relaxed nat-uralistic setting of Clare Gardensis an ideal location in which topresent the pastoral environs ofAthens, and the talented castfully exploit this, incorporatingtrees, lily-ponds, bush and briarinto performance. Puck and hisfairy companions escort the audi-ence through the gardens toreflect the play’s action, showingus ‘where the wild thyme grows’or emphasising the perplexedlovers’ emotional and locationalmistakings through the constantscene-shifting.

The decision to attire the lovers,fairies and mechanicals in tradi-tional May Ball dress is intriguingand encourages a sense of opu-lence, but rather negates the senseof the fairies’ eldritch otherness;the comic grotesquery of Titania’sinteraction with the asinineBottom, for example, is less strik-ing if the polarisation of theirappearances and degree is not ren-dered overt. ‘These shadows’ cer-tainly didn’t offend me.Deliberately devoid of changelingboys and other sobering or non-P.C. undertones, this is an unde-manding and ebullient May Weekproduction which ends charming-ly in audience participation. Go,relax, delight in gorgeousescapism; you’re drinking cham-pagne among the fairies. AsShakespeare himself put it, ‘a mer-rier hour was never wasted here…’

AA MMiiddssuummmmeerr NNiigghhtt’’ss DDrreeaammPreview by Becky SealesClare Fellows’ Garden, 22-25 June

This production isnot carried by

pretty scenery andpretty actors alone

Ben Folds’ recent tour promot-ing the release of his eighthalbum, Songs for Silverman, wasbound to be crawling withexperience, talent and theknowledge of how exactly toplay a crowd. Having cancelledthe previous date at the CornExchange, the long-awaitedreturn of the piano-magician toCambridge and indeed thiscountry created a buzz thatcould not be ignored.

Folds was not drawn intoplaying his new songs from thealbum with an encore of oldfavourites. He treated the sellout crowd to something that canonly be described as breathtak-

ing, an amalgamation of thenew sound from the new album,with a vast array of materialfrom the first three albumreleases of Ben Folds Five.

A large portion of his setwas performed solo – just himand his piano. The beautifuland haunting sound of ‘Brick’,written about his girlfriendand her abortion still sendsshivers down the spine.Favourites from ‘Philosophy’to ‘Rockin’ the Suburbs’ andhis recent release ‘Landed’showed exactly how much hefeels his past has shaped hiscurrent musical direction.

Along with his talent foremotional and poignant ballads,his social commentary and hisever-present satirical voice jux-tapose with the more moving

songs. Splitting the audience intwo, to perform the brass partsin ‘Army’, brought a real senseof involvement - as if this mancould do this for you all day andnever get tired.

Ben Folds is an incrediblytalented performer and often

leaves you with your mouthopen wondering exactly howhe just did that. With a bassistand percussionist who bothsing and play along with Folds,the return to the original for-mat of Ben Folds Five is awinning formula.

It seems that “And You WillKnow Us by the Trail of Dead”have finally given in to theirown self-consciously preten-tious hype. The four piecefrom Austin, Texas arrive onstage late, ignore the crowdand perform at the Junctionwith a woefully inadequatesound system which fails toallow vocalist Conrad Keeleyany subtlety in delivery or insome cases to be heard at all.

The energy that usuallypervades their performanceswas missing. Superficially itwas there, Keeley and Reecebounded around the stage,

but there was no hint of theanarchic spirit that elevates“…Trail of the Dead” frommediocre live act to bril-liance. The crowd picked upon this and was unmoved bythe blistering wall of soundthat was hurled at them.There was little enthusiasmand none of the frantic crushthat usually accompaniestheir gigs. Even the tendencyfor the band to abuse anddestroy their equipmentseemed forced; Reece hurleda cymbal to the ground onlyfor a roadie to scurry out, pickit up and replace it – all underdirection from Reece himself.

Beginning with “Ode to Isis”they played a set that was equal-ly uninspired, the majority of thetracks coming from their new

album Worlds Apart. This is amistake, even if they do have analbum to promote, as the trackscannot match in intensity any-thing from Source Tags and Codes.

Reece’s “Caterwaul” doescome close and was performedwell by the band; it was one ofthe few tracks that manages to

get the crowd moving.Thankfully they did bring inolder songs such as “Homage”from Source Tags…, one of theband’s best efforts.

In short it was a very poor gigby any standards but especiallyfor a band who can produceutterly sublime performances.

Two years ago MylesMcInnes was a bedroomproducer on the Isle of

Skye. He had finished hisdegree in Oxford, left his PhDat UCLA, and immersed him-self in a musical wonderland.Armed only with his trustyiMac and the most basic of pro-duction software, Myles pro-ceeded to calmly knock off oneof the best albums of 2004.

Now this lad from Skye isone of the biggest acts around,having transformed DestroyRock & Roll into a live act. Icaught Mylo the day before hewent on stage to play to a sell-out crowd at the Junction, tolearn more about bedroom pro-ducing, the contemporarydance scene and being the sav-iour of dance music.

He is reassuringly pragmaticabout his choice of studio (hisbedroom), listing the advan-tages as being ‘cheap’ and‘there are no time constraints’.‘At the risk of sounding like amotivational speaker ... as long

as you have a decent computerand a couple of pieces ofessential software, the onlymeaningful restrictions on themusic you can make are thelimits of your imagination.God that sounds terrible.’

Such self-effacement is con-sistent with the down-to-earthadvice he gives to the aspiringproducer, encouraging ‘stick atit, and don’t waste your timeand money shopping for thingsyou don’t need’. Indeed, the fri-volity of his ubiquitous market-ing comes under fire as he jokes‘It made sense to call the albumDestroy Rock & Roll as the trackfelt to me like a calling card forthe record as a whole; and wethought it would be nice togenerate some vacuous contro-versy for marketing purposes -our focus group told us it waswhat they wanted!’

This provides a striking con-trast with the seriousness withwhich he treats the contempo-rary dance music scene, demon-strated in the long list of influ-

ences he cites on his album,including ‘italo-disco, LesRhythmes Digitales, MetroArea, Daft Punk,Soulwax/2manyDJs, Royksopp,The Avalanches.’ The humourimmediately returns whenasked about the reverence hisown work has inspired, though,and his response to a mention ofthe praise heaped upon him byElton John, ‘I feel very pleased.I met him and he’s a lovelyman,’ treads a fine line betweensarcasm and sincerity whichcannot be firmly pinned downin an email interview.

Regarding the oft-repeatedlabel ‘the saviour of dancemusic’, Mylo’s response is muchclearer: ‘I’ve always maintainedthat that was a sarcastic quotethat got lost in translationsomehow. In any case I wouldn’tfeel that good about mouthingoff about why I think myalbum’s so great.’ Equally clearis his certainty that theinescapable question, ‘What doyou think the future holds for

dance music?’ should beanswered positively: ‘Dancemusic will prevail.’

Mylo’s modest nature andgenuine love for music of allsorts, make him a refreshingtrendsetter amongst his genre-obsessed chart-topping coun-terparts. While his work is notrevolutionary, and hisfavourite artists prove theheredity of his style, his workhas the unusual characteristicof being easily accessible, yetcredible, popular but not pop.

He has proved that the bed-room producer and amateurmusician can still make it bigwith the simplest of equipment,and the most imaginative ofminds. Mylo’s music is not apassing fancy, it has a solid andclassic, yet comedic, modernitythat appeals to many.

We have three limited edition 7”promos of Mylo’s new album In MyArms to give away. To enter thedraw, email business@varsity.co.uk

www.varsity.co.uk24 MUSIC June 24, 2005

Destroying rock ’n’ roll?Fred Rush gets to grips with electro rocker Mylo

Cha

rlot

teK

eane

Mylo: from bedroom producer to ‘saviour of dance music’

Luc

yPh

illip

s

......TTrraaiill ooff DDeeaaddThe Junction, 19 JuneReview by Charlotte Keane

And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead: disappointing

...And it was a crappy gig Big hair, crazy song titles: twopithy epithets to describe hard-core five-piece At The Drive-In, whose path is charted in thiscollection from their albums,EPs, B-sides and rarities.

Opener ‘Fahrenheit’ signalsthe band’s intentions rightfrom the start - jagged riffsand lead singer Cedric Bixler’saggressive vocal gymnastics.‘Lopsided’ and ‘NapoleonSolo’ show how well ATD-Iblend aggression with melody,and explain why pretty muchall of the post-hardcore/extremo bands outthere at the moment countthem as a major influence.

The three tracks from‘Relationship of Command’,made with uber-producerRoss Robinson, show theband at their commercialpeak. ‘One Armed Scissor’conveys a real intensity andemotional catharsis, whileothers are just plain strange -

‘Non-Zero Possibility’ conjur-ing up some rather disturbingimages with the lyric “I wasbitten on the entrance”.

The B-sides and rarities thatfollow are something of amixed bag. ‘Initiation’ is a pas-sionate, raw punk track, whilethe vocals on their cover of TheSmiths’ ‘This Night HasOpened My Eyes’, show thatATD-I are much better atschizophrenic rock than tryingto sound like Morissey.

Instead of spending the lastof your student loan on thespaced-out prog noodling ofthe two Mars Volta albums, goand buy this instead.

After the fifth or so listen, thesurprise suddenly becomes avery pleasant one. Glasgowquartet Sons and Daughtershave followed the success oflast year’s fantastic Love theCup mini-album and thisyear’s indie disco classic‘Dance Me In’ with some-thing…well, weirder.

It’s good, and may yet proveto be a move even shrewderthan presently we are able tosee. Whilst the final whimpersof a two-dimensional garagerock death knell are sounded atThe Subways, 22-20s et al, thishas whispered corners and sud-den, skiffle-happy tangents

enough for anyone to get lost in– the noisy crescendos of‘Choked’ being a case in point.

But perhaps most important-ly, the live spectacle of AdeleBethel and Scott Paterson’sbrooding vocal spats has madeit on to record unharmed,sounding as brutally awkwardas on stage in ‘Rama Lama’.

This is a timely splash of lifeonto a musical year whose firsthalf has been as arid as a rub-bish analogy about a desert.

SSoonnss && DDaauugghhtteerrssThe Repulsion Box Review by Jon Swaine

AAtt TThhee DDrriivvee--IInnAnthologyReview by Mark Witkin

Sara

Goo

ding

e

Folds: takes a moment away from his band to perform solo

BBeenn FFoollddssCorn Exchange, 16 JuneReview by Lloyd Beecham

Ben Folds live

So exams weren’t quite over,and the optimistic wear-ing of sunglasses and

knee-length shorts bought uslittle sunshine from whicheverpagan gods presided over thefestival. But Strawberry Fairinjected a direly-needed shot ofthe unexpected into a termcharacterised mostly by flickingcompulsively to the ends ofarticles to see how many pagesleft until the next tea break, orsnort of crushed amphetaminesnorted through a rolled-up ULreservation-slip.

If you were in town onSaturday 4th you would haveseen a constant stream of hip-pies and music-lovers drawntowards the bass-line thumpand marijuana fug emanatingfrom Midsummer Common.The reggae and acoustic tentswere, as usual, crammed full oflife-affirming sounds, while theEast Stage reeled at the storm-ing sets of (amongst others)local almost-famous pop-punk-heroes Right Turn Clyde andLife 4 Land, the Cambridgecollective renowned for leg-endary open-air parties.

But, as with Glastonbury, thereal gems are never to be foundin the headline sets but in thespontaneous and unannounced

events of the periphery. The‘Pondsbury Benevolent Ladies’Society for the WoefullyInadequate’ stall out-weirdedlast year’s ‘Apathy-a-thon’ withtwo women decked out inimpeccable Thelma andLouise, sipping cocktails osten-tatiously and holding a fakeraffle for those less fortunate,while Cambridge CommunityCircus’ knife-juggling, acrobal-ance and trapeze artistryfuelled the dreams of many(okay, me) to abandon acade-mia for the travelling life of theperforming artiste. Other soul-boosting sights included agroup of banjo-players in stripysombreros having an earnestchat, a load of too-cute chil-

dren dressed as fairies, and theentire Cambridge police forceturning a blind eye at theamount of recreational chemi-cals changing hands.

Was it all a dream, one mightask a day later, slumped over apile of books with hazy memo-ries of fluffy pink-winged crea-tures dancing in a parade andcanisters of laughing gas beinginhaled interweaving withdreams of being eaten byMetaphysics texts. [Ed. – therewere no flesh-eating sentientbooks at Strawberry Fair. Allother events are factual.] Orwas it a taste of festivals to comeover the long hot summer?Book your tickets to Homefiresnow and hope for the latter.

Fun in the sun at home and abroadJess Holland tries Strawberry Fair... ...while Jonny Ensall samples Sonar

‘Sonar’ is the Barcelonafestival of ‘AdvancedMusic’. Over its three

days, from 16th to 18th June,Sonar 2005 showcased themost up-to-date beats, bleeps,squeaks and visuals that elec-tronic music has to offer.

The Sonar difference isimmediately obvious. ‘Sonarby Day’ (the part of the festi-val held at the BarcelonaMuseum of ContemporaryArt), showcases obscure andbizarre acts from the under-ground electronic musicscenes of every country fromthe Faroe Islands to Japan.Brazilian act Artificial playeda set using a Game Boy con-sole as his only musical instru-ment, while English soundwizard Matthew Herbertmade music from the sampledsounds of eggs being brokeninto a bowl.

However, the big names ofthe festival didn’t come outuntil after dark when 40,000or so of the festival-goerstransferred from the city cen-tre to ‘Sonar by Night’, held ina huge warehouse venue onthe edge of the city.

2 Many DJs’ ‘As Heard onRadio Soulwax’ and DJ Yoda’s‘How to Cut and Paste’ serieshave become ubiquitous bar

and party music, a saturationnotable in Yoda’s set, whichsuffered from a lack of energydue to over-planning.

In contrast, 2 Many DJsmanaged to be slick and sur-prising. In a mostly electronicset, they cleverly dropped‘Rock the Casbah’, ‘TeenageKicks’’ and thatWhomadewho cover of‘Satisfaction’ much to theappreciation of the crowdwho, at 5 in the morning,needed some relief from theear-bleed techno that Jeff

Mills had been playing for twohours beforehand.

Perhaps the biggest victim,though, was James Murphy. Ithink he is a genius. However,when Murphy had his turn onthe decks he was rubbish, justrubbish and LCDSoundsystem’s live act made amess of a lot of great songs.He is the man behind TheRapture, LCD Soundsystemand the DFA record label, butthe disparity between hisrecorded and live output is asantithetical as Day and Night.Strawberry Fair: opening parade

Jessi

caH

olla

ndMurphy: a yawnsome live act?

Pre

ssC

ounc

ilPh

otog

raph

y

www.varsity.co.uk 25MUSICJune 24, 2005

A creative wake-up callAlice Gillham explores a poetry workshop with a refreshing outlook

Toby Litt discusses his ghostly new book with Elly Shepherd

Jerr

yB

auer

www.varsity.co.uk 27LITERATUREJune 24, 2005

Rules. Oh, to dispensewith them entirely! Socries the erstwhile artist

of the modern age. To refutethe strictures of tradition, toexpress oneself in defiance of

all prescribed norms, to(cough) “duck” the system.Sound familiar? I suspect thatwe all, eager buds that we are,have attempted to master ourown “freedom”, to “express

ourselves freely” at some junc-ture of our otherwise slavishconveyance though thesausage factory of educationand life. Yet, this term andnext, a series of enterprisingliterary projects aim toencourage students of anyinterest in the business ofpoetic “expression” to explorethe meaning of compositionitself, and kindle the latentpoetic impulse that lurksbehind the bombast of theCambridge literary “scene”.

One of these is a writingclub, begun this summer termwith the apt and refreshingconceit that poetry might pro-vide weary exam-taker with agood wake-up call; that ’sright, Pierian is a breakfastclub, meeting once a week infull term and run by MichaelHurley of Pembroke College.The club derives its namefrom the spring beloved of theMuses in classical mythology,and also recalls AlexanderPope’s chastening couplet: “Alittle learning is a dangerousthing;/ Drink deep, or tastenot the Pierian spring”.Neither an opportunity forpompous posturing nor aforum for poetry-as-therapy,Pierian’s ethos is bestexpressed, again, by Pope;

“True ease in writing comesfrom art, not chance,/ Asthose move easiest who havelearned to dance”. Each weeka form is chosen, such as son-net, triolet etc, and break-fasters are required to write apoem accordingly, whilst inturn engaging with the week’schosen subject. The group’sfirst meeting concentrated onthe villanelle, a notably diffi-cult form of three-line stanzas(an example of which is TomDurno’s piece, right).

Typically abstract questions– such as whether it is possibleto write a serious poem in thelimerick form – will be con-sidered from the experience ofthe workshop. Fear not, yecautious enthusiasts; the ses-sions are for people who careabout poetry and should liketo learn more about how greatwork is made possible at a nutsand bolts level. There is noexpectation at all that break-fasters be accomplished, oreven aspiring poets, since it is

not a creative writing work-shop as such; rather the cluboffers a chance to hone one’scraft in a friendly and (albeittemporarily) summeryatmostphere to amateurs,ascendent laureates and crois-sant enthusiasts alike. Formore information about thebreakfasts, or to be added tothe reserve list, emailmdh32@cam.ac.uk.

If this intellectual petitdejeuner leaves you with anappetite for all things poetic,the Cambridge PoetrySummit, running atEmmanuel College from June24th to 26th, promises a veri-table feast of creative talent.Budding wordsmiths, enthusi-astic readers, hell, anyoneinterested in the state of mod-ern creativity should availthemselves of this greatopportunity to hear some con-temporary poets reflecting onmedium and method. Thisinternational festival of poetryboasts an exciting line-up thusfar including some 26 poetsfrom France, Poland and theUS, as well as such home-grown talents as Brian Catlingand Adrian Clarke. Thoseinterested can find details atwww.cambridgepoetry.org.

So splinters of home inspiredevotion?

Tramping primrose paths,wills alchemic sight,

not conjuring but a foldingmotion.

Crunching gravel underfoot, commotion

of feet flash pleasure as pro-jected light:

so, splinters of home inspiredevotion?

From papier-mâché andpolymerisation

a Triffid is born, even paint-ed root-blight.

Not conjuring but a foldingmotion.

Once stalks now one sub-lime cohesion.

So static screen memories,green birthright,

so splinters of home inspiredevotion

until sheets curl. Studioinvention

crisped petals live in collec-tion books bright,

not conjuring but a foldingmotion.

Pacing out flint rigs to leveropen

composted chambers’mechanical light.

So, splinters of homeinspire devotion,

not conjuring but a foldingmotion.

Tom Durno

A villanelle

Cha

rlot

teB

evan

Litt, language and learning

Toby Litt has a subtlepresence. He doesn’ttalk much and he does-

n’t talk often, but when hedoes, it’s always worth listen-ing. He was born in 1968, andstudied at Oxford and on theUEA famed creative writingMA under Malcolm Bradbury.He was one of Granta’s twentybest young British novelists of2003.

His books are, without excep-tion, incredible, and they arealso very diverse. All they reallyhave in common is that theystay with you long after you’vefinished them, and that you arecompletely enthralled whilstreading; they are so differentthat he manages to reinventhimself and his writing withevery new publication. He hasnow written seven books: fivenovels and two collections ofshort stories. Varsity caught upwith him in London.

What’s the differencebetween writing short storiesand writing novels for you?

They have a different rhythmto them – a different pulse.That’s how I tell them apart,initially. The pulse of a shortstory is very rapid. You know

that something with that muchnervous energy would bekillingly exhausting to live withfor too long. A novel’s pulse ismuch steadier.

What do you hate most andlove most about ‘literature’ atthe moment?

About the idea of ‘literature’it’s probably the difficulty – thedifficulty of it is what I hate andlove the most. I don’t know howmany times I have to realise‘There are no short cuts’, but Iaverage about five times a day atthe moment. You can’t cheat it;it deserves total respect.

About the ‘literature’ that’sbeing published. Well, wedon’t know which bits will endup being counted as literature.Enough to say, it won’t be any-thing that’s taken short cuts.

Do you have a favouritewriter? - If so, who and why?

I usually say Henry Jamesbut, for a change, I’ll pushJames Joyce into first place.And not for Ulysses but forFinnegans Wake – which I knowwill come across as pretentious,but it is an astonishing book. Inworldly terms, it’s a failure.Hardly anyone reads it. Very

few people are capable of read-ing it. Yet I think it is morechallenging for writers thanUlysses. Everyone has learnt thelessons of Ulysses; FinnegansWake remains unassimilated.

You have some Czech andFrench translations on yourwebsite, www.tobylitt.com,how did you find translation?

For the Czech poems I wasworking in collaboration withTomas Mika, who is now quitewell known on the Praguescene as a poet. This was backin 1993. I was writing a lot ofpoetry, and was really interest-ed in what I could learn fromCzech poets, and from theCzech language. It’s a goodlesson to realise that other lan-guages sometimes find muchbetter solutions to problems ofaccurate expression thanEnglish does.

What advice would you giveto student writers?

Don’t think of yourself as astudent writer, or even as ayoung writer. Write as much asyou can, in as many differentstyles as you can. Worry lessabout finding a ‘voice’ thanabout seeing the world clearly,

through language. And don’trely on word-processing. In thelong run, going to the diction-ary will serve you much betterthan spellcheck.

How do you work with char-acter voices (for exampleAgatha in Ghost Story)?

Well, Ghost Story has a nar-

rator. Agatha’s voice comesthrough that – polluting it,colouring it. I think TeachYourself Writing manuals tendto break things up into differ-ent technical areas. But whenI’m writing, everything affectseverything else. The narrativetone affects the form affectsthe scene that will happenaffects the vocabulary.

Do you have a favourite of thebooks you’ve written?

Ghost Story.

For more information, visit theToby Litt’s website atwww.tobylitt.com

Ghost Story is now availablein paperback from Penguin.

Neither an oppor-tunity for pompous

posturing nor aforum for

poetry-as-therapy

Near the beginning of RobertRodriguez’s Sin City the psycho-pathic Marv muses that “It’sgoing to be blood for blood andby the gallon. These are the olddays, the bad days, the all-or-nothing days.” From this instantthe viewer becomes aware thatthey are in store for a violent,highly stylized tale of retributionand justice in the amoral and sur-real world of Frank Miller’sgraphic novels.

So close to its comic-book ori-gins is the film that it couldindeed be named a ‘graphicmovie’, being graphic in everysense of the word; it is undeniablygraphically violent and simultane-ously laden with computer graph-ics. Yet despite the flinch-induc-ing atrocities that are committedon screen and the extensive use ofspecial effects, the film does suc-ceed in having a sympathetic core.Perhaps not a moral core, but anyfilm that gets the viewers rootingfor a hardened psychopath whoenjoys torturing those who have,admittedly,not exactly played nicethemselves is clearly one to takenote of.

The film is comprised of threeloosely interlocking stories, andthere is a Tarantino-esque feel tothe way in which the chronologyof events is manipulated.(Tarantino is credited as ‘guestdirector’ and was paid $1 toshoot a scene involving a surrealconversation between Clive

Owen and a corpse’s head.) Yetthis playing with the chronologyis never done in a gimmicky way.Instead the way the film unfoldsserves to make the unravelingmysteries contained in each seg-ment all the more intriguing.

It is the story concerning thetale of Bruce Willis’ world-weary cop Hartigan and JessicaAlba’s luminous Nancy that isperhaps most disturbing. Atthe beginning of the taleHartigan is attempting to res-cue Nancy from a notoriouspaedophile, and it is difficult towatch the scenes featuring the

terrified young girl withoutfeeling slightly queasy. Yet thisqueasiness is not because ofwhat you are seeing, butbecause of what you fear youmight see; however, in this caseas in the torture scenes,Rodriguez manages to pull thefilm back from the brink ofbecoming too nasty to bewatchable without diminishingits impact. This is perhaps oneof the film’s achievements; theviewer leaves the cinema con-vinced of the evilness of someof the characters without hav-ing had to forfeit the enjoyableescapism that cinema can offer.

And if you can stomach theblood and gore and numerousfight scenes it is indeed an enjoy-able experience. The extensivesupporting caste is excellent,notably Elijah Wood whoseexceptionally creepy perform-ance as Kevin (innocuousenough name but wait till yousee what he does…) ensures thatyou will no longer automaticallythink of him as a cuddly hobbit.Sin City is most definitely not afirst-date-movie, but it is certain-ly a highly inventive and originalcinematic experience, and is oneto savour.

www.varsity.co.uk28 FILM June 24, 2005

Laura Whittle explores the darker reaches of this week’s releases

The Frat Pack are back this summer

Imag

enet

The fifth Batman film stronglydeviates from the surreal and fan-tastical template adhered to by itspredecessors, the films thatBatman Begins prequels. Thoseseeking cartoon violence andsuperpowers need look elsewhere.Batman Begins, directed byChristopher Nolan and starring aperfectly cast Christian Bale,charts Bruce Wayne’s childhoodin an attempt to make the cre-ation of his alter-ego, baman, ifnot realistic then at least plausible.Nolan’s Gotham City bears rela-tion to Sin City: It is constantlyraining, the city is home to a par-ticularly powerful criminal under-world, and danger exudes fromevery dark alleyway. This is a seri-ous film about a man who dressesup as a bat in order to fight crime,and it almost works.

Clearly, after the lamentableBatman and Robin, a change ofdirection was required if the bat-man movie franchise was to con-tinue. Consequently, BatmanBegins is more interested in BruceWayne as Bruce Wayne thanBruce Wayne as batman. We getan insight into his tortured psy-che, and the flashbacks to hischildhood fall down a bat-infest-ed well and his parents’ murderare effective and also touching.These flashbacks help explainwhy Wayne is so intent on achiev-ing justice, and the need to har-ness fear in order to combat crimeis a running theme. Wayne’sattempts to become ‘fear itself ’,although plausible, unfortunatelyprovokes some particularly clunkydialogue. For example, LiamNeeson’s mysterious Duccardexplains early on in BruceWayne’s formative training that“you must journey inwards... towhat you really fear... it’s insideyou…there’s no turning back.”Lines such as these come per-ilously close to sounding like aparticularly cheesy brand of psy-chobabble.

However, there is much toenjoy in this film, and the firsthour especially is particularlyengrossing. The film is mostsucessful in convincing the viewer

that a human could do the featsthat Batman does. At the start ofthe film we see an imprisonedWayne take on and beat six otherconvicts, thus demonstrating anatural physical strength.

The scenes depicting the phys-

ical training that Wayne laterundergoes are similar in style tothose in Kill Bill Volume 2: we seean essentially human characterundergoing intensive and physi-cally excruciating training in orderto attain an almost, but not quite,supernatural level of strength andagility.

Batman Begins presents a con-vincing psychological portrait ofan intriguing man – convincing,

that is, up until the moment whenhe becomes batman. For here,paradoxically, lies the real problemwith Batman Begins. In attempt-ing to portray Wayne as a realisticcharacter, the unlikelihood of hisdecision to dress up as a bat notonly becomes all the more appar-ent, it starts to matter. Viewedfrom this perspective, an engagingcharacter study suddenly takes adecidedly weird turn. As BruceWayne says at a dinner party, “Aguy who dresses up like a batclearly has issues.” Well yes, hecertainly does. However, BatmanBegins is undeniably an enjoyablecinema experience, and the actingis of a high standard throughout.Morgan Freeman and MichaelCaine provide particularly strongsupport to Christian Bale. Dark,escapist and at times genuinelyaffecting, Batman Begins’ onlyweakness is a tendency to takeitself a little too seriously.

The Wedding Crashers is a comedyout later in the summer. It starsVince Vaughn and Owen Wilsonand is the latest offering from thegroup of actors that the media hasrather unoriginally (but quitecatchily) entitled ‘the frat pack’.The term comes from the 2003Old School in which Vaughnstarred alongside Will Ferrell andthe other Wilson brother, Luke.These three men have beeninvolved in almost every goodcomedy coming out of the majorstudios in the last five years.

Even if Old School had neverbeen shot Vaughn would be eter-nally remembered for Swingers.

This 1996 film was nominallywritten by Jon Favreau but muchof the script was borrowed fromhis conversations with Vaughnhimself. Favreau’s character (likeFavreau himself at the time ofwriting) is a struggling comedianin LA trying to get over his ex-girlfriend and meet new women,aided by such Vaughn gems as“You take yourself out of thegame, you start talking aboutpuppy dogs and ice cream and ofcourse it’s going to end up on thefriendship tip.”

The other star of The WeddingCrashers is Owen Wilson, theblonde Wilson brother with the

unusual nose who starred along-side Ben Stiller in Starsky andHutch and Zoolander and, moreimportantly, was a co-writer onthe Wes Anderson films BottleRocket, Rushmore and The RoyalTenenbaums.

Anderson has many trademarktechniques as a director (under-water shots, holding a shot for alittle too long, characters chainsmoking) but as a writer hisscripts also go against Hollywoodtype. The viewer of mostHollywood films is well trained toguess the development of the plotbut Anderson’s films do not worklike this. In the middle of the film

we are greeted with a scene thatcould move the film out of therealm of comedy; Max could rapeRosemary Cross, Richie’s suicidebid could be successful.

These moments of potentialcatastrophe are not emphasizedbut the viewer cannot miss them,for they are what makeAnderson’s films a class abovemost that are produced inAmerica.

The new film will, I imagine,be closer to Dodgeball thanSwingers or the Wes Andersonfilms, these are rare gems, but itwill be funny and should beworth a look.

BBaattmmaann BBeeggiinnss

SSiinn CCiittyy

Corruption and sin: a tale of two cities

Rodriguez pulls thefilm back from thebrink of becoming

too nasty to bewatchable

Gotham City bearsrelation to SinCity...danger

exudes from everydark alleyway

Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn and Luke Wilson in Old School

Jennifer Meech looks at the team behind The Wedding Crashers

Imag

enet

Imag

enet

www.varsity.co.uk 29FASHIONJune 24, 2005

ON SATURDAY 21st May, aday of thundering skies andlashing rain, the Light Blueladies began their campaignwith an impressive pole vaultdouble. Sarah Iams capped offher first season with CUAC bysailing 10cm over the Bluesstandard, to a dizzy height of2.70m, and comfortably beatingboth Oxon opponents. Veteranvaulter Rachel Tomlinson wentone better, producing a lofty2.80m to win the event andretain her title from last year.

The first track race of theafternoon, the 400m hurdles,was a chance for GraceClements, who led the BluesLadies to their third Varsity tri-umph in a row and the 25thCambridge win in 31 years, toflex her muscles and produce aspectacle of scintillating pace.Powering round the tartanarena in 62.98s, she smashedthrough the Blues time by agood two seconds to secure aconfident victory over Oxford’sMartine Bomb. A heptathleteof repute, Clements continuedto lead her team by examplethroughout the day, competingin a grand total of six individualevents along with both relays,her versatility stretching tocover track racing, jumps andthrows. In the triple jump,

arguably her best event,Clements set a new matchrecord of 11.65m, boundingover 50cm beyond the Bluesstandard to win in style.Incredibly, this gargantuan leapstill fell short of her personalbest, an outrageous 12.41m seton tour in the US this year!

The high jump was also oneof many events to be graced byPhyllis Agbo, a superstar fresh-er from Trinity College whoseimpressive repertoire of sprint-ing, hurdling, jumping andthrowing was used to full effecton Saturday. Competing in acolossal seven individual events,not to mention both the4x100m and 4x400m relays,Agbo was on remarkable form.Her shot put distance of11.91m broke the matchrecord, and furthered the Bluesstandard by almost a metre. Her100m hurdles time of 14.44seconds won an extremely com-petitive race, in which threeathletes dipped under 15 sec-onds, propelling her to the topof CUAC’s All-Time RankingList for the event and comingwithin a whisker (i.e. 0.04s) ofthe Varsity Match Record itself.She won the 100m by over asecond and finished the longjump more than 80cm clear ofOxford’s first scorer, earningsuperfluous Full Blues in bothevents. Add to that a hard-

fought victory from Bomb inthe 200m, and a glisteninganchor leg of the 4x100m(which involved reeling in anail-biting Oxford lead toclinch it on the line!), and you’relooking at one serious mean-machine of an athlete. Agbowas awarded the Susan DennlerTrophy for best performance inthe Women’s Match (100mhurdles), and goes down in therecord books for equalling thegreatest number of individualwins in a Varsity Match. Herfive victories were, interestinglyenough, achieved in almostidentical disciplines to the nowjoint record-holder, RebeccaLewis (1997).

The male events on Saturdaywere wrought with tension, andpunctuated by a number of out-rageous upsets. In the closestMen’s Blues contest for sevenyears, every point was a matterof life or death, a bloody battle-field of exertion.

The track action began withthe home side’s strongest event:400m hurdles. With a currentsquad of GB InternationalSteve Green, English Schoolschampion Ben Carne and FullBlue 400m hurdler Dan Bray(each ranked inside the top 15on CUAC’s all-time perform-ance list), Oxford never reallystood a chance. Green andCarne cruised round the track

to Blues times of 53.89s and54.26s respectively, their nearestchallenger lagging over fourseconds behind.

As well as being rather soggy,the Blues 100m was a spectacleof extreme nail-biting energy.Lightning-fast rugby wingerAki Abiola and lean, mean run-ning machine Finlay Wrightdove for the line neck-and-neck, desperate to clinch thoseextra points for their respectiveteams. With first place loadedon a 5-3-2-1 scoring system,the difference between gold andsilver honours could be of criti-cal importance... in this case,the difference between gold andsilver honours was 0.02 sec-onds, with Oxford’s Wrightrecording a flashy 11.03s tosnatch it from Abiola on the dipfinish. Pounding the tartan justpaces behind was Dan Bray,holding off the dark blue chal-lenge of Toleme Ezekiel to fin-ish third in 11.34s.

Oxford dominated thethrows, winning the hammerand javelin, but at 4:30pm, asthe match approached its shud-dering climax, Nick Albertsstruck back with a phenomenalblow in the men’s shot.Erupting past the Blues stan-dard with a massive personalbest of 15.18m, he left lastyear’s winner McCauley chok-ing on the foetor of defeat,

unable to compete with the fur-thest effort to grace a VarsityMatch since 1999. Alberts wasawarded the Paul GommeTrophy for best Inter-Varsitythrowing performance of theyear, and also the Drake-Digbytrophy for best performance inthe men’s match - a truly out-standing achievement

After an outrageously tight4x100m win for Oxford, and asimilarly nailbiting 4x400mbattle in favour of the lightblues, everyone whipped outtheir pocket calculators in adesperate attempt to calculatethe overall scores. And soonenough it was announced overthe tannoy: Oxford 110 - 102Cambridge.

www.varsity.co.uk30 SPORT June 24, 2005

Mixed fortunes for AthletesAndy Bell

CAMBRIDGE NOMADS,captained by Claire LouiseWalls, were rewarded for theirleague victory last season at anEast hockey awards ceremonyon Sunday 15th June.

The girls, coached byBlues’ goal-keeper AndrewMiddleton, won promotionlosing only two of theirtwenty games. They werelauded at the ceremony fornotching up a huge 94 goals,greatly helped by top goalscorer SJ Lloyd. Winningthe East League Division 2North completed the doublefor the Second XI who alsotriumphed in their BUSAdivision, in which theyscored three times as manygoals as any other team. Theteam look forward to contin-uing their success next year.

If you are interested inplaying University hockeynext season please contactJennifer Lees or AndrewMiddleton – details on theweb: www.cuhc.org

Jenny Malicka

HockeySuccess

Recognised

Phyllis Agbo in action

Cou

rtes

yof

And

yB

ell

Careers Service

Summer Recruitment Event

Wednesday 29 June Riverside Suite

2.00pm – 5.00pm Garden House Hotel

Granta Place

Meet 30 top employers who still havevacancies for their Autumn 2005 intake,while enjoying a glass of wine and an ice-cream.

Also take the opportunity to speak to one ofour Careers Advisers, on hand for briefconsultations all afternoon.

Cambridge University Careers Service, Stuart House, Mill Lane, Cambridge www.careers.cam.ac.uk

THE CAMBRIDGE CroquetSquad, skippered by AsifArshad, left for theHurlingham Club early on the16th June with two majoraims: to better the successive9-0 defeats of the previousyears and outdress the opposi-tion. Confidence was highconcerning the latter goal; witha collective look best describedas ‘Brideshead meetsBroadmoor’ there was littledoubt that the light blues hadthe sartorial banter.

Concerning the game itself,some had doubts. Oxford, witha training scheme more brutalthan that exposed in Full MetalJacket, were always going toperform. And perform they did.Readers should be remindedthat croquet is a game of 12hoops and when an Oxfordplayer pulled out an 11 hooprun in one turn, it left the quar-tet of Cambridge supportersgob-smacked.

That particular Oxford play-er might have pulled out suchan extravagant move in thedoubles, but was playing on theback of an earlier defeat in thesingles event. His defeat was atthe hands of one Hugo Bush,Cambridge’s only victoriousindividual who won his morn-ing game holding on to an earlylead throughout. So bylunchtime Cambridge had at

least developed a healthy leadon last year’s performance.

The Varsity Croquet is set uprather like the Ryder Cup, indi-vidual performances head tohead make up for most of thepoints scored; however it isoften down to the doubles todetermine who finally takes thetrophy. In this instance the tro-phy is ‘The Frank CooperBowl’: a fine silver specimen,presumably steeped in mar-malade/croquet tradition.Unfortunately for the lightblues, the result was already setby the time the pairs took to thelawns. That said we failed tosecure any further victories.

Let us return to the second ofour aims; Oxford may have pos-sessed the world number 7,however there was somethingrather unglamorous about hisflat out ball alignment tech-nique. In contrast we brought acollage of “West coast cool” and“Old school chic” that succeededin dragging at least some of thecrowds away from the rival ‘ProAm’ day that was running simul-taneously on the tennis courts.

Overall, the going was softafter a day of light drizzle whichmay have favoured the moreexperienced player - rather likewhen Schumacher takes theGrand Prix in the wet - but itshould be noted that Oxfordwere a well oiled machine andemployed some sound technicaland tactical nous to secure aresounding victory.

UNDER THE INTENSErays of the burning sun, at theground on which every crick-eter dreams of setting foot,Oxford and Cambridge ladiespassionately fought out theclosest 50 over match theycould have imagined. Onpaper the two teams wereevenly matched, but thehumidity meant that whoeverfielded first would reap thefull benefits of heavily swing-ing bowling.

Oxford fielded first. Thelight blue openers were bothout before the scorebook hit20. Then, out of the blue, Jane‘Kiwi’ Allison and SophiaDavis began clocking up adamaging and steady partner-ship, flashing some beautifulcover drives to lay the groundfor Allison’s stunning achieve-ment of a century at Lords’Nursery Ground. Along theway to the respectable total of200 off 43 overs Davis made30, but her abandonment ofAllison was followed by arapid fall of wickets that gaveOxford captain Georgia Gale-

Grant a hat-trick.Cambridge’s number 10 bats-man Kim Roach supportedAllison with an impressivelysterling performance, high-lighting some sloppy darkblue fielding.

Cambridge stepped out tofield full of confidence andenthusiasm, with a greatopening spell from TanyaGlanville-Wallis and a run outof the opening batsman, SarahBerman, with only 4 to hername. The crowd lapped upthe spectacular dives fromKim Smith, Farzana Meruand Alina Vaskina as theyprotected the Cambridgeboundaries, keeping the run-rate a good deal below whatwas required: at 35 oversOxford had 121 compared toCambridge’s 165.

Gale-Grant weakenedCambridge again, however,with a series of partnershipsbuilding up around her.Despite the exceptional slow-ness of her 53, which took 163balls, the Oxford batsmenbecame comfortable, their

scoring steadily gainedmomentum and light blueheads began to drop. The heatwas hard to endure, makinginvaluable the work of 12thman, Lizzie Peto, and our‘superstar’ APU team mate,

Alexis Mannion, as they pliedthe fielders with drinks. Theseconditions made it all themore impressive that LauraHancock bowled 10 overswithout a break, concedingonly 22 runs during a show of

outstanding in-swing.All eyes were glued to the

scoreboard, as at 45 overs Oxfordwere just 17 runs away from theirtarget. Captain and openingbowler Sarah Hill almost came tothe rescue on her return to the

bowling attack, using her pace totake two late breakthroughs, butgame had been gradually slippingaway, and with only 11 balls to goan exhausted and deflatedCambridge side congratulatedtheir rivals on victory.

Allison’s Century Not Quite EnoughSophia Davis and AlinaVaskina at the Women’sCricket Varsity Match

Oxford Defeated CroquetVOLLEYBALL - SummerLeague mainly took placeduring May and saw 23 teamsbattle it out on Jesus Green.It was particularly good to seea few new teams competing,especially St Catharine’s sec-ond team that consistedentirely of first years interest-ed in volleyball. Division 1was well contested with Jesus1 becoming the champions.Division 2 was won by a pow-erful King’s team who seemedto have endless numbers ofplayers to call on and loads ofenthusiasm. Finally inDivision 3 Trinity Hall man-aged a 5 and 1 success rate totake the title. Mentioningonly three teams does not dojustice to the competitivenessof the league and in all threeleagues competition was stifffor the second and third spots.

Jonathon Wright

VARSITY PUNTING - ThisSaturday witnesses the inaugu-ral Varsity punting competitionto be held on the Isis in theOxford University Parks. Twostrong teams from Cambridge,led by Will Dunbar and JonnyGee in the first punt, will takeon the Dark Blues. Theemphasis is on style as much asspeed with recumbant ladiesand champagne acting asessential ballast. The prospectsare looking good for theCambridge team.

Adam Shindler

Sport in Brief

Jane ‘Kiwi’ Allison is lauded by her team as she leaves the field after achieving her century at Lords

Cha

rlie

Bru

ce

www.varsity.co.uk 31SPORTJune 24, 2005

Will Seymour andJames EllisNick Tucker on how Mann’s men

won their one-day at LordsJUNE 17TH, LORDS, brightsunshine, a healthy crowd andthe dashing figure of AdrianShankar patrolling the coverboundary - the scene was set forCambridge University’s firstwin at Lords against Oxford inthe relatively new one-day for-mat of the Varsity match.

Richard Mann, the LightBlues’ captain, made twoimportant decisions before thegame had even started. Firstly,to the delight of his team, hewon an all-important toss andelected to bowl first on a wicketheavily tinged with green.Secondly, he selected NicAlberts, the Rugby Blue,despite the fact he had playedlittle during the season. Boththese decisions were soon vindi-cated. On a wicket whichhelped the bowlers,Cambridge’s seamers immedi-ately hit good areas and Oxfordstruggled. Tom Savill, the tallopening bowler, was a constantmenace throughout his firstspell and was backed up by finewicketkeeping from the reliableJames Heywood and by goodfielding, most notably whenDuncan Heath held a brilliantcatch in the gully, the first offour catches to EastFannythorpe’s favourite son.

Meanwhile, Alberts wasmaking his presence felt in theform of some torrid banter thatreduced the Oxford top-orderto nervous wrecks and causedthe MCC members in the pavil-ion to spit in their tea. Then thebig South African was thrownthe ball and together with Savill(4-28 from ten overs) reducedOxford to 63-4. The Dark Bluesrecovered briefly and appearedto be mounting something of acomeback before Ben Jacklinripped an outswinger past theOxford captain’s outside edgeand knocked back the off stump.The Dark Blues did well to getup to 190 all out, despite VikramBannerjee’s fine spell of 3-29.

It was a score that was toprove surprisingly competitive.Cambridge lost Heath early toa fine inswinging yorker fromSuman, the Oxford left armswing bowler, but fresherRichard Timms and skipperRichard Mann played steadilyto give Cambridge a goodplatform for victory. However,after Mann departed for 27,Cambridge lost their way inthe face of some quality spinbowling and looked to haveleft themselves with too muchto do. Rudi Singh injectedsome impetus with a busy

cameo but following his dis-missal much depended onTimms. The opener hadplayed well for 58, but whenhe was out at 119-5, the gamehad swung Oxford’s way.

Enter James Chervak andTom Savill, two of Cambridge’sfinest strikers of the ball. Thesetwo played sensibly, combiningwell placed singles with somebreathtaking hitting as theyshared five sixes. With fiveovers remaining, the asking ratehad risen to over seven an overand Cambridge’s chanceslooked bleak with the Oxfordspinners continuing to bowltidily. However, McMahon, theOxford captain andNottinghamshire spinnerstrangely decided to bring backhis opening bowler Morse whothen went for 19 off an over.

Suddenly, Cambridge wereback in the driving seat and, inthe very last over, Savill andChervak saw the Light Blueshome to a dramatic and welldeserved victory. They mustnow repeat the job in the four-dayer that begins on the 28th ofJune at Fenners, and will surelywelcome support from their fel-low students. But for now,Richard Mann’s men shouldsavour the moment.

THE MAY BUMPS are thepinnacle of the college row-ing year. Over the course offour days of aggressive rac-ing on the winding Cam thesuccess of each college boatclub is measured out. Crewsline up on the first day ofracing in order in whichthey finished racing the pre-vious year; thus festeringgrudges between clubs andindividuals are rekindledafter a year’s gestation.Whilst only a handful ofcrews have a chance at tak-ing the coveted title of‘Head of The River’, all havethe opportunity of finishingwith blades by ‘bumping’ upevery day. Even in the low-est divisions the competition

is often fierce and the man-gled wreck of boats androwers at the end of theweek suggest that theBumps are less of a pleasantPimms-supping affair thanthey may at first appear.

On Wednesday the battlefor promotion began in themen’s 2nd division betweenCaius II and Trinity II. Caiusmanaged to stay ahead ofTrinity for the length of thecourse but it was a tough rowand when they came to raceas sandwich boat they wereunable to topple aPeterhouse crew who lookedprecarious at the bottom ofthe 1st division. In thewomen’s 1st divisionEmmanuel held on to thetop slot from Caius, althoughJesus with the university boatclub president aboard got

their campaign for the head-ship off to a great start byslamming into Pembroke. Inthe men’s competitionTrinity Hall, powered in partby Olympian Tom James,made a great start to theirweek when they bumped St.Catharine’s a matter of sec-onds into the race. Caiusstayed head but must surelyhave felt threatened by thespeed being produced byTrinity Hall behind them. Inthe middle of the divisionthere was a fantastic three-way scrap betweenRobinson, Trinity andQueens’. Trinity were thebeneficiaries of a difficultumpire’s decision whichruled that they had bumpedRobinson before Queens’had made contact with them.

By the second day a pic-ture of which boats weremoving fast and whichboats were struggling tomove against the stream wasstarting to emerge. In therepeat running of the battleof the second boats, TrinityII managed to make thebump on a tired Caius IIand then gain a permanentslot in the 1st Division bybumping Peterhouse. In thewomen’s 1st division, Jesusbumped Caius and lookedset to take the headship thefollowing day. Jesus werealso making waves in themen’s division when theirfive-man caught a crabshortly after the start.

Eyewitnesses say he wasforcefully ejected from theboat, ripping out his foot-plate and twisting his riggerthrough 180 degrees in theprocess. An early morningtrip to the manufacturer sawthat the boat was ready tobe used again the followingday. At the head of themen’s division, a weakenedTrinity Hall failed to pro-duce any serious challengeto Caius. Although theboats remained on stationfor the first two minutes,Caius broke away on theexit of Grassy Corner andby the time they crossed thefinish line were over fivelengths clear. Their head-ship would surely be safe.

By the third day of racingthe fatigue was starting toshow in many of the lower-ranked crews. However, atthe head of the women’s topdivision Jesus seemed to bebarely breaking into theirstride when they bumpedEmmanuel in less than threeminutes. Jesus were clearlythe strongest crew on theriver and could be certain toremain head the followingafternoon. In the men’s com-petition, university commit-ments meant that someboats were short of their toppersonnel for the last twodays of racing. This was nota problem that affectedCaius, who have built up astrong stable of college oars-men to compliment their

quota of university andinternational rowers. St.Catharine’s fell to a resur-gent Lady Margaret crew,Queens’ took their revengeon Trinity, and Pembrokecontinued their upwardprogress by bumping Clare.

With thoughts for mostrowers beginning to turn toboat club dinners, crews onfor blades crossed every-thing in the hope that theywould make the crucialfourth bump whilst thoseon for spoons prayed to theriver gods for salvation.Caius V deserve a mentionfor managing to pull off theonly double over-bump ofthe week in the 5th men’sdivision, in the process plac-ing themselves ahead ofCaius IV. At the top end ofthe women’s 2nd division a

fast King’s crew bumpedQueens’ and then St.Catharine’s to gain promo-tion to the top division forthe first time. In the 1stdivision Pembroke contin-ued to follow Jesus up thechart by bumpingEmmanuel and thus finish-ing as runners up. Christ’sbecame the only 1st divisionladies crew to take blades,whilst Newnham, Downingand St. Catherine’s allfound themselves in posses-sion of spoons. The finalafternoon of racing in themen’s 1st division sawLMBC bump Tit Hall tofinish second on the river.Meanwhile Queens’bumped Downing to finishin fifth, and at the top Caiusheld onto the headship forthe fourth year in a row.

Caius look comfortable at the front as Jesus begin their push for the headship

Caius stay top as Jesus gain headship

Kenelm Richardson

Churchill force Darwin to concede as the crews in front prepare for First Post Corner

JET

Phot

ogra

phic

SPORTJune 24, 2005

Shared Honours at Home of CricketMen victorious at Lords but Women come away empty-handed

CRICKET VARSITY REPORTS PAGE 31 CROQUET PAGE 31 ATHLETICS VARSITY MATCH PAGE 30