Graduate School of Social Sciences

Master of Gender, Sexuality and Society

Unveiling Virginity in Iran

Azadeh BadieiJaryani

Student ID: 11096012

E-mail: badieeazade@gmail.com

First Supervisor: Sherria Ayuandini

Second Supervisor: Dr. Marie-Louise Janssen

Date of Submission: 15 August 2017

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Marcel Proust (1871-1922), the great novelist, once said: “Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” At this moment, more than ever, I am filled with joy and happiness. Therefore, I would like to put into words my profound gratitude to those who encouraged and assisted me to pave the way for my desire and live the day that was once a dream to me. First of all, I would like to express my deepest appreciation to my supervisor, Sherria Ayuandini, who always believed in my abilities and inspired me to work on this topic and write down my thesis. Secondly, I would like to thank my professor and second reader, Dr. Marie-Louise Janssen, for her great support and motivating comments throughout the past year. Above ground, I am indebted to my parents for their unequivocal support and tremendous love, without whom I would never have enjoyed so many opportunities. My best regards and appreciation goes to my family, particularly my brother and uncle, for their never-ending love and encouragement. Additionally, I would like to offer my sincerest gratitude to my friends Hooman, Elif, Hamide, Ashkan, Tom, Maria, Eddy, Alex, and Jynx for providing me with unfailing support and constant motivation throughout this year of study. Finally, I would like to extend my thankfulness to my informants. I want to acknowledge and appreciate their aid and transparency during my research. This thesis would not have been possible without their dauntless participation.

Table of Content Chapter 1: Introduction 5

I. Problem Statement and Research Question 7 II. Context 10

II.I. Education 10 II.II. Marriage 12

III. Academic Significance 13 IV. Methodology 14 V. Thesis Structure 14

Chapter 2: Literature Review 16 I. Virginity and Virginity Loss 16 II. Sexual Script Theory 17 III. Gender Identity and Gender Performativity 19

Chapter 3: Methodology and Data Collection 22 I. Setting 22 II. Finding Access 22 III. Informants 23 IV. Interview Process 24 V. Ethical Considerations 26 VI. Study Limitations 26

Chapter 4: Definitions, Perceptions, and Experiences 28 I. How Do You Define Virginity? 28 II. How Do You Perceive and Experience Virginity? 33 III. Living Virginity 38

III.I. Patriarchy and Inequality 39 III.II. Honor, Sexual Assaults, and Rape 40 III.III. Hymenoplasty 44 III.IV. Virginity and Gender Performativity 46

Chapter 5: Conclusion 50 I. Definitions, Perceptions, and Experiences 50 II. Virginity in Everyday Life 51

III. Limitations and Suggestions for Further Research 53

Chapter 6: Bibliography 54

Appendix 63 Verbal Consent Script 63 Interview Guide 64 Summary 66

Chapter 1: Introduction

In the summer of 2016, I was at a cafe in Tehran, sitting with four of my female friends that I have known for more than twelve years, talking about our lives and friends. After a while, one of my friends, Kiyana (28), mentioned that a mutual friend of ours, who had married two months ago, is having a difficult time with her husband. We all got surprised by this news and asked Kiyana to explain what has happened. Our friend had met her husband at her work about a year ago. A few months later they started to date, and after seven months of a non-sexual relationship, they decided to get married. While they were discussing their ideas, needs, and expectations before marriage, he had told our friend about the high value of virginity to him and had asked her whether she was a virgin or not. Our friend had stated that she was a virgin. She had explained she had had a few boyfriends, but none of her relationships had lasted too long, and they had broken up as soon as they had

figured out that they were not a good match for marriage. As this answer seemed enough, without any further questions or conversations regarding virginity or sexuality, they had moved on and considered it to be resolved. Following the social and cultural norms and rituals, they married soon after the consent and agreements of their families and began their mutual life. A month after their marriage, when they had anal sex for the first time, he suspected that our friend is not completely inexperienced in anal sex. This suspicion became the starting point of his sensitivity about the sexual manners of our friend. Two weeks of close observations were enough for him to open up about this issue and express his concerns. He had reminded her of his words regarding the importance of virginity to him and had confronted her with his suspicion. She had argued that virginity means having an intact hymen which she possessed when they married. Objecting to her definition, he had clarified that to him virginity means having no experience of penile-oral, penile-anal, or penile-vaginal intercourse. Their conversation gradually had switched to a quarrel and was continued with a debate over the right definition of virginity. Subsequently, she had accused him of not being a virgin when they got married based on his familiarity with a woman's body. Our friend had criticized his non-virginity and had blamed him for deceiving her. She had complained that a person cannot perceive virginity as an important concept while he, himself, is exempt from it. He had defended himself by expressing that virginity is only a concept that can be defined for girls. Eventually, their quarrel had ended up with the disagreement of our friends with her husband's definition and perception of virginity and her admittance of being experienced in anal sex. This declaration had not surprised her husband as it had just proved his surmise, but it had genuinely hurt him. He had taunted that he was hugely disgruntled, and he would need a while to be alone and think about the future of their marriage. However, he had demanded her to stay at their house during this time, as he would have been more discontent if this issue became a notable problem to their families. He then left the house. It was ten days since their quarrel that he had left their home and was living in a hotel. He had only called our friend twice during this time to check whether she was all right, but no decision was made yet. We were all silent for a while, drowned in our own thoughts. Our friend was stressed, and her husband upset. Each of them was right based on their beliefs and perceptions, which leads me to wonder how virginity is defined, perceived and experienced by each individual. How many varieties are out there? What is the significance of virginity in our lives? This incident became the starting point of my interest in the concept of virginity and motivated me to look for an answer to my questions. Therefore, the central goal of this thesis is to understand how young heterosexual adults define, perceive and experience the concept of virginity in Iran.

Although virginity is a concept that cannot be defined easily or conclusively, many scholars who work on this subject believe that the first sexual experience of individuals has a significant meaning to them (Barnett et al., 2016, 2017, in press; Barnett & Moore, 2017; Carpenters, 2001, 2002, 2005, in press; Holland et al., 2010; Humphreys, 2013). Additionally, scholars agree the first sexual encounter of individuals is an impressive milestone in people's life which can profoundly influence their mentality, sexuality, and gender identity (Barnett et al., 2016; Barnett & Moore, 2017; Carpenter, 2002, 2005, 2009, in press; Holland et al., 2010; Humphreys, 2013).

I. Problem Statement and Research Question

Iran has been theocratically governed, based on the Islamic Sharia (Islamic laws) and regulation, since the 1979 Islamic revolution after being socially and culturally profoundly influenced by Islamic ideologies for almost fourteen centuries (Abdolmohammadi, 2015; Kaivanara, 2015; Mahdavi, 2007; Rahnema, 2011). The religious, social and cultural dynamics of Iran changed after the revolution owing to the fact that Sharia determines not only religious duties, but also the secular obligations of people (Ahmadi, 2016; Mahdavi, 2007; Rahnema, 2011). However, religious and non-religious scholars have shown that in the past two decades, the social and attitudinal outlook of Iranians has been known to increasingly include behaviors that were at odds with Islamic principles (Mahdavi, 2007; Motamedi et al., 2016). One of the drastic changes is considered to be the sexual behaviors and expression of people, particularly young adults, in urban areas which, in turn, affected the concept of virginity, particularly before marriage (Mahdavi, 2007; Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006; Motamedi et al., 2016). Even though there is no doubt in the existence of old religious and cultural values, Iranian society, despite the critical view of the state, is becoming more open towards approving and engaging in premarital heterosexual interactions and premarital intimate heterosexual relationships (Ahmadi, 2016; Farahani et al., 2011; Hedayati-Moghaddam et al., 2015; Kaivanara, 2015; Khalajabadi Farahani & Cleland, 2015; Latifnejad Roudsari et al., 2013; Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006; Noroozi et al., 2015; Rahimi-Naghani et al., 2016, Tabatabaie, 2015; Vakilian et al., 2014).

In Iran, traditionally, girls are expected and taught to preserve their virginity and their chaste reputation until marriage (Ahmadi, 2016; Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006; Motamedi et al., 2016). In contrast, there exists virtually no scrutiny of sexual behaviors or virginity of boys (Ahmadi, 2016; Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006; Motamedi et al., 2016). The post-revolutionary Islamization of Iran suggests the prohibition of cross-gender social relations of unmarried heterosexual people

(Latifnejad Roudsari et al., 2013; Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006). According to this perspective, a cross-gender relationship is an illegitimate relationship because it raises the unwanted sexual gazes and desires in unmarried people (Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006). However, in this context, studies show that premarital sex has increased after the Islamic revolution in Iran, and there is evidence to suggest that premarital relationship has become more and more common among young people in the country (Ahmadi, 2016; Farahani et al., 2011; Hedayati-Moghaddam et al., 2015; Kaivanara, 2015; Khalajabadi Farahani & Cleland, 2015; Latifnejad Roudsari et al., 2013; Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006; Noroozi et al., 2015; Rahimi-Naghani et al., 2016, Tabatabaie, 2015; Vakilian et al., 2014). It should be noted that this research is not intentionally excluding homosexuals but the participants are exclusively those with heterosexual preference. Same-sex acts became illegal after the revolution of Iran by the laws of Sharia. This means homosexuals cannot act on their sexual preference and identity in public nor can they marry (Bucar & Shirazi, 2012). If they are caught in the middle of a sexual act, they can be punished or persecuted (Bucar & Shirazi, 2012). Due to these social and legal circumstances in Iran, it was prudent to aim for participations of people in heterosexual relationships only.

Nowadays, the younger generation in Iran is publicly engaging in non-conventional behaviors such as hanging out, kissing, and flirting, which in result, compels the state authorities to control the public areas by establishing a new police department named moral police (Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006). Noting the cultural and socioeconomic status of young adults, particularly young women in Iran, they usually have to stay in the homes of their parents up to their marriage (Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006). With the strict supervision of the state which has imposed a dichotomy between the safety and comfort of the outdoor and indoor spaces, young people often invite the person they are in a relationship with to their private family spaces while their parents are not home. This strategy gives them more freedom and opportunities to experience sexual intimacies indoors without being caught by the agents of the state, particularly the police (Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006). However, these free sexual experiences are still mostly male dominated (Farahani et al., 2011; Kaivanara, 2015; Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006). The double standards concerning the female and male sexuality and the significance of virginity before marriage leads young unmarried girls to locate themselves at the intersection of the conventions of virtue and the discourse of sexual freedom (Farahani et al., 2011; Kaivanara, 2015; Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006). To retain the social conception of virtue and honor, some of the girls who have had premarital sex which caused the loss of their virginity would undergo hymenoplasty (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015; Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006). Hymenoplasty “is a surgery to alter the shape of the hymen membrane in the vaginal canal, commonly performed to minimize the aperture.” (Ayuandini, 2016, p. 352; Ayuandini, 2017, p. 62) As in most of the countries the

hymen is an indication of the virginity of the girls, this surgery restores the “broken” hymen tissue of the girls and allows them to satisfy the traditional ideas that a virgin girl must bleed while her first intercourse is taking place (Ahmadi, 2016; Ayuandini, 2016; Ayuandini, 2017; Kaivanara, 2015). Taking this option into account, girls are able to bend the Islamic principles rooted in society, and escape the cultural consequences such as violence, not finding a suitor, or ostracism while still engaging in premarital heterosexual practices (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015). Since Tehran, the capital of Iran with over eight million habitants, is hosting the migrants and people with cultural, social and religious diversities even from other urban and rural areas of Iran, this major metropolitan city will be the site for my research (Kaivanara, 2015).

Because of the high sensitivity of this topic, detailed or accurate studies on the concept of virginity and premarital heterosexual behaviors and practices have not been conducted or published in Iran. Some studies indicate that 58% of male and female college students have had heterosexual premarital interactions while 12% of female college students and 28% of male college students reported to have experienced heterosexual premarital sex (Farahani et al., 2011; Motamedi et al., 2016). However, it should be noted that these statistics were based on data that was collected through surveys and questionnaires which are, to some extent, unreliable because of their limitations on establishing a nuanced and personalized definition of virginity, sexual contacts, acts, and experiences (Farahani et al., 2011; Farahani-Khalajabadi, 2014). Scholars argue that the definition of each of these words can vary for each person according to their gender, age, culture and social class. (Farahani et al., 2011; Farahani-Khalajabadi, 2014). One person might think of oral sex as a reason for virginity loss while a different person might only consider vaginal penetration as the only way for a girl to be considered non-virgin (Farahani-Khalajabadi, 2014). According to Farahani (2014), due to the sensitivity of the usage of the words such as “mogharebat e jensi” or “Nazdiki e jensi” (meaning having sex in Persian language), in the surveys concerning the premarital sex or the loss of virginity, these words were replaced by “tamas e jensi” (meaning sexual contact). The other noticeable matter is that people have addressed their sexual attitudes as complete or incomplete which also raises the questions of which sexual contacts or acts are considered to be complete and what do they complete (Farahani-Khalajabadi, 2014). This lack of data in the academia can also influence the results of the previous data collected by the scholars (Farahani et al., 2011). Therefore, scholars believe there is a demand for an in-depth qualitative research on this topic to gain more knowledge regarding the perception of youth on virginity and the words, terms, and phrases that are used to refer to sexual experiences (Farahani et al., 2011; Farahani-Khalajabadi, 2014).

Consequently, this research aims to provide insights on the definition, perception, and experiences of young adults in Iran regarding the notion of virginity in heterosexual relationships. As such, the main research question is: How do young Iranians perceive and experience the concept of virginity in heterosexual relationships? I will also be asking the following sub-question: (1) How do they perceive hymenoplasty?

II. Context

As it was mentioned before, Iran has experienced profound cultural, social, and political changes after the Islamic revolution of Iran (Ahmadi, 2016; Mahdavi, 2007; Rahnema, 2011). The monarchical system was replaced by Sharia laws, and the clergies started to govern the state (Abrahimian 1982; Ahmadi, 2016; Mahdavi, 2007; Rahnema, 2011). The theocratic rules became the fundamental element of people's daily life which monitored and dominated even their very personal and private aspects of lives (Abrahimian 1982; Mahdavi, 2007). The Islamic ulema called for a social modesty which included sexual restraints of the citizens (Mahdavi, 2007; Tabatabaie, 2015). Various policies were developed to fulfill this demand, such as censoring any explicit nudity or sexual content from the media, veiling women to become desexualized, and sex segregation which was applied in schools, mosques, and even public transportations like subway trains and buses (Tabatabaie, 2015). Furthermore, based on Sharia laws, premarital sex became a crime which if discovered will cause the lawbreakers to be imprisoned for ten days to two months or receive up to one hundred lashes. Additionally, in cases of adultery, their sentence is death by stoning (Mahboobi, 2016; Mahdavi, 2007; UK Government, 2016). Moreover, the application of Sharia and the new policies mostly affected the everyday lives of women in Iran (Kaivanara, 2015). Aside from the dominant impact of the post-revolutionary regulations on sexuality and the sexual lives of women, their social position and status were redefined by them (Kaivanara, 2015). Women were restrained from holding certain positions in society such as being a judge or a pilot, in the Qanoon-e Qessas penal code, women are only considered to be worth as half of a man, and the permission of a relative male figure (e.g. the father, grandfather, or husband) became necessary in their most important decision-makings like marriage or getting out of the borders of the country (Justice for Iran, 2013; Kaivanara, 2015; Moghadam, 2004).

II.I. Education

In support of the values of the Islamic revolution, the educational system and materials changed (Mehran, 1990; Piavandi, 2012; Shorish, 1988). On the one hand, with the help of the new free

education policies and the national literacy campaign, more people all over Iran gained access to education (Basmenji, 2005; Mahdavi, 2007). The number of female students who enrolled and completed any educational level drastically increased, which subsequently reduced the gap between the literacy of male and female students. However, new policies are being applied to control the enrollment of female students in higher education, as they have outnumbered their male peers by two to one, which is directly affecting the Islamic values by delaying marriage, wanting fewer children and competing with male peers in the labor market of Iran (Mehran, 2003; Zahedifar, 2012). On the other hand, the new educational materials became prominently concerned with the discourse which advocated Islamic culture, restraining the impact of Western culture, and nurturing Muslim individuals via and committed to the religious socialization (Paivandi, 2006, 2012, in press). Additionally, the content of the textbooks is highly influenced by the Islamic and Sharia laws which represent the unequal position and status of both sexes (Paivandi, 2006, 2012, in press). Not only this inequality between men and women is justified within the Islamic framework, but also the assigned gender roles are discussed in the social and personal contexts, vindicating the unquestionable superiority of men and the secondary position of women (Mehran, 2003, Paivandi, 2006, 2012, in press). As Islam prohibits premarital sexual relationships, in a country which 97% of its population are Muslims, it is assumed that young people are not sexually active (Tabatabaie, 2015). Moreover, the sociocultural and legal consequences of premarital sex in Iran encourages youths to conceal their sexual relationships from their parents and the society (Tabatabaie, 2015). Several studies in Iran have proven this assumption wrong and revealed the occurrence of premarital sexual relationships of pupils (Ahmadi, 2016; Farahani et al., 2011; Hedayati-Moghaddam et al., 2015; Kaivanara, 2015; Khalajabadi Farahani & Cleland, 2015; Latifnejad Roudsari et al., 2013; Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006; Noroozi et al., 2015; Rahimi-Naghani et al., 2016, Tabatabaie, 2015; Vakilian et al., 2014). A recent survey which was done with the participation of nearly 142,000 Iranian students in 2008 indicates that 74.3% of all respondents reported being in a relationship with the opposite sex. In another study, 30% of 1610 Iranian students reported having the experience of sexual relationships (Tabatabaie, 2015). However, the Iranian authorities are convinced that pupils do not need to officially receive any sex education in the schools, universities or at any organization (Farnam et al., 2008; Tabatabaie, 2015). They argue sex education is a Western concept and will motivate students to become sexually active while the emphasis of the state is on the sexual modesty (haya) of unmarried individuals (Tabatabaie, 2015). The only sex education courses that are allowed to take place in Iran aim to provide insights into the sexual health and hygiene of the newlywed couples (Farnam et al., 2008; Yousefzadeh et al., 2017). These classes are sex-segregated, and the contents of

these classes which vary from place to place are limited to pregnancy, contraceptives, and breastfeeding (Rahimi-Naghani et al., 2016). Several studies have shown that 83.5% of married individuals are still facing sexual problems and lack sexual knowledge despite the fact that these classes were held for them (Bolourian & Ganjlo, 2007; Pakgohar et al., 2006; Yousefzadeh et al., 2017). Experts have announced that 50-60% of divorces in Iran occur due to the sexual problems and dissatisfactions of couples (Aganj et al., 2009; Yousefzadeh et al., 2017).

II.II. Marriage

Marriage is considered to be one of the most important events in the individual's life (Ahmadi et al., 2012; Dhami & Sheikh, 2000). In the context of Iran, marriage adds more value to not only the sociocultural status of people but also their religious status (Dhami & Sheikh, 2000). Marriage fulfills the religious obligation and duty of Muslims as it assists them to preserve the moral values and keep the balance of the society (Dhami & Sheikh, 2000; McGlinn, 2002). Additionally, marriage is the only legal, social and cultural option that legitimizes the sexual experience and relationships of people (McGlinn, 2002). According to Sharia laws, unmarried women should remain virgin to the night of their marriage to prove their chastity and purity (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015). An intact hymen brings honor and value to the family of the girl, and according to these doctrines, the unmarried women are under the pressure of the state to control their sexual instincts before they marry (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015). However, there is neither emphasis nor scrutiny over the virginity of the boys in Iran (Ahmadi, 2016; Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006; Motamedi et al., 2016). Practically, two types of marriage are well known in Iran: the temporary (sigheh or siqa) and permanent marriage (aghd-e-daem) (Haeri, 1989; McGlinn, 2002).

Sigheh means the union of an unmarried Muslim woman with a married or unmarried Muslim man based on a contract which has a fixed period of time in exchange for a certain amount of money (Ahmadi et al., 2012; Inhorn, 2006). Men have no limitation regarding the number of sigheh contracts that they can have. However, women are only allowed to have one contract at a time (Haeri, 1989). If a woman is a virgin, in order to have a temporary marriage, she needs the permission of her father or her male guardian (Moghadam, 2004). Although the Islamic ulema consider sigheh as a helpful strategy to avoid sins and sexual deviances, especially when the individuals do not meet the marriage conditions, the society holds a negative view towards it and perceives it as a taboo topic (Ahmadi et al., 2012, Haeri, 1989; Moghadam, 2004). In spite of the advocation of Islamic ulema, sigheh is seen as a legal way for widowed women to resolve their

financial problems (Ahmadi et al., 2012). In addition, some people associate sigheh with prostitution as it involved the sexual service of an unmarried woman with a man who is usually much older than her and rich (Moghadam, 2004). Consequently, sigheh is not common among Iranians, particularly the youths (Ahmadi et al., 2012). The permanent marriage is the widespread form of marriage in Iran. Similar to the temporary marriage, the consent of the male guardian of the virgin bride is necessary (Moghadam, 2004). Traditionally, before marriage, the families agree on a certain amount of money or a valuable commodity (known as mehrieh) that the prospective groom has to pay in return for the bride’s sexual services (Ahmadi, 2016). In other words, mehrieh is the price that men are paying for of the chastity and virginity of their wives. On the other hand, to assess the marriageability of a girl, the family of the girl or the prospective groom or his family may demand a virginity certificate (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015). This certificate proves that the hymen of the prospective bride is intact and it can be obtained from the legal forensic medical examiners or gynecologists (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015). Bearing in mind that studies suggest that premarital sex in the contemporary state of Iran is on the rise, one of the options for women who believe they do not possess an intact hymen is to undergo a hymen reconstruction surgery (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015). According to Ahmadi, an Iranian scholar who works on the medicalization of virginity, “hymenoplasty basically builds a corporeal appearance of virginity in women by surgically restoring the hymen.” (2016, p. 222) Women who do this surgery are often those who have acted on their sexual desires, broken the taboo of premarital sex and seek to protect their social and cultural values by simulating an anatomical marker of virginity (Ahmadi, 2016). Reports indicate that the number of women who undergo this surgery has increased (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015). This research aims to probe the understanding of young heterosexual Iranians on the concept of virginity and the notion of hymenoplasty in contemporary Iran.

III. Academic Significance

To understand the narrative of the young heterosexual adults regarding the concept of virginity in Iran the theories of Simon and Gagnon (1986) and Laura Carpenter (2001, 2002, 2005, in press) are going to be used to explore the presented ideas and set of experiences of individuals. Carpenter, a leading scholar in the field of virginity, has identified four cognitive frameworks about virginity which are based on the studies that she has done in the United States (2001, 2002, 2005, in press). The cognitive frameworks that Carpenter presents are what individuals associated with their perception and experiences of virginity (2001, 2002, 2005, in press). These frameworks are virginity as a gift, stigma, process and an act of worship (2001, 2002, 2005, in press). Along with the stated frameworks, the sexual script theory of Simon and Gagnon (1986)

is going to be used to discover the underlying notions of individual's ideas, attitudes, and behaviors. The cultural scenario, interpersonal script and intrapsychic script constitutes the three layered model of the sexual script with which the sexual behaviors of people can be studied in relation to each other at a macro and micro socio-cultural level (1986). Moreover, the theory of Judith Butler on gender identity and performativity will be used to analyze the everyday experience of informants regarding the concept of virginity. According to Goffman (1976), gender is associated with roles and displays. Meaning, each individual accepts a gender role and presents it differently based on the given context. However, West and Zimmerman (1987), contended that the gender display is not peripheral as Goffman considered it to be. Gender roles are inevitable, and they are always occurring and reoccurring in our everyday life (West & Zimmerman, 1987). Therefore, people are continuously doing gender (West & Zimmerman, 1987). Butler (1990), rejects the idea of biological sex and refers to gender as a social construction that exists since we were born. She argues that gender is a set of acts that guides us to the verb of "being" instead of "doing" (Butler, 1990). Additionally, she states that people are performing their identities which do not make any difference if it is a racial, sexual or gender identity (Butler, 1990). Thus, the theory of gender performativity suggests that the gender identity of individuals is shaped by the social norms and language of society and people are performing their identities all the time.

IV. Methodology

To find the answer to my research question, I conducted thirty-eight in-depth, semi-structured face-to-face interviews with both girls and boys who identified as heterosexuals from 28 March 2017 to 7 May 2017 in Tehran, Iran. The interviewees were between the age of eighteen to thirty-four years old since it is the common age of marriage in Tehran. The interviews took place in Tehran, as this metropolitan capital with over eight million inhabitants, is hosting the migrants and people with cultural, social and religious diversities even from other urban and rural areas of Iran. Moreover, people living in larger cities tend to be more open talking about sensitive topics. Due to the high sensitivity of the study topic, I accessed the participants of this study through my network in Tehran and asked each informant to refer me to a potential interviewee who is interested in sharing his or her ideas. With the assistance of semi-structured interviews, I was able to start the interviews with general topics and broad questions about the personal background, understandings and ideas of the informants about sex education, or how they gain information regarding sexual issues. This approach allowed me to build rapport with my informants and prepare them for more in-depth and personal questions (Bryman, 2012; Hennink, Hutter & Bailey 2011). Further, the informants

were questioned about their general and personal perceptions, observations and experiences regarding the concept of virginity and hymenoplasty in Iran. Last but not least, I finished our sessions with questions regarding our interviews and asked them to evaluate it. This strategy enabled me to refine the coming interviews and be more prepared for the upcoming reactions of informants.

V. Thesis Structure

This thesis consists of five chapters. The first one which is coming to its end is an introduction which represents the content of the thesis and illustrates the methodology and literature which was used. The second chapter is dedicated to the literature review in which I have elaborated on Carpenter theories on virginity, Simon and Gagnon sexual script theory and the theory of gender identity and performativity by Judith Butler. The third chapter is focused on the methodology and data collection followed by the ethical considerations and limitations in the same chapter. Chapter four presents the findings of this study and the analysis of them. The last chapter is concerned with the conclusion. The verbal consent script, the interview questions and the summary can be found in the appendix.

Chapter 2: Literature Review

Throughout this chapter, three different theories are presented which are about virginity and virginity loss, the sexual script theory, and gender identity and gender performativity.

I. Virginity and Virginity Loss

It is difficult to specify the definition of having sex, virginity and virginity loss since it is a reflection of individual's ideas, emotions, and expectations (Barnett et al., 2016; Carpenter 2002, 2005, in press). It is essential to understand the definitions of people of different behaviors are also based on the interpersonal agreements and individual perceptions (Barnett et al., 2016; Carpenter 2002, 2005, in press). There are certain factors, such as culture, gender, age, orientation, and the context of the people that, depending on them, the terms and definitions used to address various sexual behaviors differ between individuals (Pitts & Rahman, 2001; Randall & Byers, 2003; Sanders et al., 2010; Trotter & Alderson, 2007; Walsh & Leonard, 1974; Wells, 1989; Wells, 1990). For example, actions such as penile-vaginal intercourse, genital contact, kissing, or hugging might be understood differently by various individuals. Each can become a part of a particular sexual understanding, like sexual contact, sexual act, complete or incomplete sex, having sex, or virginity loss (Farahani-Khalajabadi, 2014; Horowitz & Bedford, 2016; Trotter & Alderson, 2007). According to some studies, the adequate definition of virginity loss among people is the occurrence of penile-vaginal intercourse followed by penile-anal intercourse (Trotter & Alderson, 2007; Bersamin et al., 2007). Scholars report the existence of a hierarchal pattern in the way sexual terms are defined and used despite most of them remaining unnoticed (Bersamin et al., 2007; Randall & Byers, 2003). As an example, the inclusion of orgasm in the definition of having sex was addressed more by male than female participants (Randall & Byers, 2003; Trotter & Alderson, 2007).

Laura Carpenter (2001, 2002 and 2005), a leading scholar on the topic of virginity, has conducted various qualitative research with the participation of people from different social and cultural backgrounds in the United States. Her findings shed light on individual's definitions and perceptions of virginity and virginity loss and highlighted the underlying associative notions of the culture and context with the concept of virginity (Carpenter 2002, 2005, in press). Based on her findings, Carpenter (2001, 2005, in press) offers four cognitive frameworks which can be used to illustrate the perception and experience of individuals regarding virginity and virginity loss. The mentioned frameworks are gift, stigma, process, and an act of worship (2001, 2002, 2005, in press).

The gift frame portrays a positive outlook of virginity. It is seen as a precious belonging which the individuals have proudly accepted and are comfortable and satisfied with it. The fundamental conviction of people who believe in this framework is to share their gift with the right person whom they love, which is why they are often seen as the romantic partners. However, it should be noted that among the four presented frameworks, the gift believers are the ones who are most likely to go through emotional traumas at the time of their virginity loss if they had not chosen their partner wisely and the expected experience of giving their gifts away was not fulfilled (Carpenter 2001, 2002, 2005, in press). The second framework is stigma. It represents people who are dissatisfied with and ashamed of their virginity status. In contrast with the gift framework, the individuals have a negative and uncomfortable view towards the concept of virginity. It is regarded as a forced burden which needs to be constantly concealed from others. Stigma believers do not recognize their virginity and try to get rid of it the first time that they find the chance of it. Their main focus is to become a non-virgin, and they are not obsessed with waiting for or finding the right time, place or person (Carpenter 2001, 2002, 2005, in press). Process as the third framework characterizes individuals who believe life consists of ongoing stages and there are inevitable phases in each person's life which transform the inexperienced, innocent youth to a knowledgeable adult. They perceive this transition as a new way of communication and bonding with another individual which can provide more sexual insights, knowledge, and understanding of the sexuality, one's partner and oneself. Process-oriented people are not concerned whether they are in love with their partners or not; However, they will welcome the fact that their partner is sexually experienced as this opportunity adds more value to their first sexual experience (Carpenter 2001, 2002, 2005, in press). Finally is the act of worship frame. This perspective is based on the religious doctrines of evangelical churches and conservative Christian institutions. Although this frame shares the positive outlook towards the concept of virginity with the gift-oriented people and emphasizes on the mutual love and affection between the sexual partners, however, the essential essence of this perspective is that one must hold on to their virginity up to their marriage. Therefore, act worship believers do not approve of premarital sex and perceive the preservation of their virginity until marriage as a part of their religious obligations (Carpenter, 2005).

II. Sexual Script Theory

Simon and Gagnon (1967, 1973, 1986, in press) introduced the sexual script theory arguing that sexuality needs to be studied more closely and contextually as it is not perceived and experienced the same way by all individuals. Having in mind that gender and sexuality are

socially learned concepts, with the aid of this theory they tried to explore the dynamic of sexual behaviors and relationships of a person (Gagnon, 1990). They defined scripts as "a metaphor for conceptualizing the production of behavior within social life (Simon & Gagnon, 1986, p. 98)." Simon and Gagnon (1967, 1973, 1986, in press) demonstrate three layers of sexual scripts which are the cultural scenario, interpersonal scripts, and intrapsychic scripts. Any actor at the institutional level such as the state, medicine, church, family, school and so on can be considered under the category of cultural scenario (Gagnon, 1990). All institutions and their arrangements form an interrelated hegemonic system which indicates the role of the actors (Simon & Gagnon, 1986). The cultural scenarios determine the entry role of the actors, performances and the possible outcomes of it for both actors and others meaning the roles are defined and expected to be fulfilled in the society no matter whom will be the actor (Simon & Gagnon, 1986). Although the miscellany of institutions and the variety of actors sometimes make it hard to understand how a cultural scenario was shaped, this task can be done by focusing on the generic scripts that are pertinent and applicable in various contexts and circumstances (Gagnon, 1990). The second layer of scripts is the interpersonal script which connects the social interactional life of a person with the experience of each individual of the cultural scenario (Gagnon, 1990). The interpersonal scripts signify the way a person deciphers the cultural scenario within a certain context which is dependent on the time, place, and the people who are involved in it (Simon & Gagnon 1967, 1973, 1986, in press). Finally, the intrapsychic script is at the individual level. This script is concerned with the internal dialogues and personal desires and fantasies of a person in regards to the subject of sexuality and sexual relations (Simon & Gagnon 1967, 1973, 1986, in press). The three layers of sexual scripts are influencing and modifying each other (Simon & Gagnon, 1986). There are times that the close interrelated effects of these layers make it impossible to identify the starting point of the changes (Simon & Gagnon, 1986). According to Masters et al., (2013) the cultural scenario and the interpersonal scripts are the elements that shape a considerable portion of our intrapsychic scripts. In other words, the cultural institutions plant the seed of sexual expectations and appropriate scripts in the individual's mind while they are still young and inexperienced with the usage of their facilities such as policies and regulations, school textbooks, and media (Carpenter, 2009; Kelly 2010; Morgan & Zurbriggen, 2007; Paivandi, 2006, 2012, in press). Interpersonal scripts assist the cultural scenarios to become internalized in an individual. They are the element which nourishes the planted seed by the cultural scenarios in the callow youths and monitors its growth.

Carpenter (2009) and other authors believe that the cultural scenarios are the primary sources which are reproducing the heteronormative norms (Kelly, 2010; Peter & Valkenburg, 2011;

Schock, 2011). This might be one of the main reasons that penile-vaginal intercourse is still perceived to be the most acceptable definition of virginity loss (Carpenter, 2009; Ingraham, 2002; Medley-Rath, 2007) and it is still believed that a virgin girl should bleed when her first sexual intercourse occurs. The discourse regarding the concept of virginity is gendered which reinforces the double standards and gender roles of its actors (Carpenter, 2001, 2005, in press; Holland et al., 2002; Humphreys, 2013). The sociocultural backgrounds of individuals produce and reproduces gendered sexuality, sexual beliefs, expectations, and desires which later at the intrapsychic script level might be adopted or rejected (Carpenter, 2010). For example, the studies have shown that women are more likely to consider their virginity as a gift while young men feel empowered by shedding the unpleasant state of virginity (Carpenter, 2001, 2005, in press; Humphreys, 2013). It is crucial to understand that the cultural scenario and interpersonal scripts are not the only forces which shape the sexual and gender identity of a person. The intrapsychic script which can also be perceived as the agency of the individuals can change the scripts surrounding the topic of virginity (Carpenter, 2010). The four frameworks that Carpenter offered on virginity and virginity loss illustrates the cultural scenarios which had been internalized and gendered in individuals (Carpenter, 2010). However, their practiced agencies determined the extent of their obedience or resistance of the cultural scenarios (Carpenter, 2010). The composition of gendered scripts, experiences, structures and power relations create distinctive sexual trajectories for both women and men which as a result profoundly impacts gender trajectories in turn (Carpenter, 2010).

III. Gender Identity and Gender Performativity

Goffman (1976) associates gender with the words "role" and "display." He refers to both gender role and gender display of individuals as a behavioral aspect which is chosen by the person to be expressed in certain situations (Goffman, 1976). He states that "If gender be defined as the culturally established correlates of sex (whether in consequence of biology or learning), then gender display refers to conventionalized portrayals of these correlates (Goffman, 1976, p. 69)." What is perceived from this statement is that Goffman believes gender expressions which are displayed by individuals can signify the underlying constructions of being a female or a male in society. However, according to him, gender performances are elective (West & Zimmerman, 1987). Elaborating on Goffman's ideas, West and Zimmerman (1987) introduced the theory of doing gender which is concerned with the constant involvement and reproduction of gender in everyday life. Contrary to Goffman's statement, they believe doing gender is not optional and is

based on individuals’ interactions (West & Zimmerman, 1987). Doing gender is defined as "creating differences between girls and boys and women and men, differences that are not natural, essential, or biological (West & Zimmerman, 1987, p. 137)." Doing gender helps the socially significant constitutions of a gender to be preserved by linking them to the essential nature of that gender (West & Zimmerman, 1987). Each individual has many social identities which depending on the circumstances may be revealed, concealed, shunned or so on (West & Zimmerman, 1987). According to West and Zimmerman (1987), gender is not merely a social status that makes individuals select particular ideas and behaviors. Each person “does” gender every day of his/her life, within a specific institutional and sociocultural context (West & Zimmerman, 1987). Individuals become gendered by the continuous experience of gender rules such as obeying, breaking and modifying them which shape their gender performances (Carpenter, 2010; Lucal, 1999; Pascoe, 2007). As stated by Heritage (1984), all the members of society are involved in the affair of state, others and themselves. Meaning individuals are engaged in the cultural scenarios, intrapersonal and intrapsychic scripts. Therefore, depending on the scripts they are involved with, each person presents a variety of identities.

Judith Butler in her book Gender Trouble (1990) talks about the notion of gender. She rejects the biological determination of sex and gender and presents them as social constructions which exist since a body is born (Butler, 1990). Gender is a series of acts which leads us to the verb “doing” rather than just “being” (Butler, 1990; Salih, 2002). Gender creates norms which on the one hand determine the proper functions of gender and on the other hand, provide the ground for the resistance (Butler, 1990). According to Butler, the gender identity of individuals is constantly manipulated based on their sex and their proper behavior which matches their body (Butler, 1993). She states the identity of individuals, no matter if it is sexual, racial, or gender identity, is something that is performed (Butler, 1990). Therefore, identity is not something that we inherently are, but rather something we become (Butler, 1990). It is worth mentioning that gender performativity does not equal gender performance. Butler explains:

"Gender proves to be performative – that is, constituting the identity it is purported to be. In this sense, gender is always a doing, though not a doing by a subject who might be said to preexist the deed […] There is no gender identity behind the expressions of gender; that identity is performatively constituted by the very “expressions” that are said to be its results (Butler, 1990, p. 33)."

As she believes those who do not succeed to do their gender properly will be punished by the society, she perceives gender performance as a tactic for surviving the essential systems (Butler, 1990).

Moreover, Butler believes that language shapes and constructs gender identities (Butler, 1990; Salih, 2002). This statement clarifies the position of language and discourse in doing gender (Butler, 1990). As language and discourse effect are affected by the sociocultural values of the societies, therefore, doing gender varies from one culture to another and is dependant on the words, phrases and linguistic structures that they use to address concepts regarding gender.

Chapter 3: Methodology and Data Collection

This part of my thesis is dedicated to my methodology and data collection. Having my research question in mind, to understand the perception and experiences of young heterosexual Iranians on the concept of virginity, I collected the required data for this research by conducting thirty-eight in-depth, semi-structured face-to-face interviews with both girls and boys who identified as heterosexuals from 28 March 2017 to 7 May 2017 in Tehran, Iran. In the following sections, I explain in details how this research was designed and carried out. More information on the setting, finding access, informants, interviews, methods, ethical considerations and limitations of this research can be found bellow.

I. Setting

I picked Tehran, this major metropolitan city, as the site for my research for multiple reasons. The capital of Iran with over eight million habitants, which is hosting the migrants and people with cultural, social and religious diversities even from various urban and rural areas of Iran was an exceptional place for the aim of my research (Kaivanara, 2015). Moreover, due to the new modernism wave and the influence of the internet, Tehran is a spectacular place from which a new form of heterosexual norms are arising (Kaivanara, 2015). This giant capital has provided space for boys and girls to hide their cross-gender relationships from the public eyes and particularly, the moral police and move in to the apartments which in result has created more room for them to engage in intimate premarital relationships (Kaivanara, 2015). Consequently, to study the sexual ideas and behaviors of Iranian youths, Tehran became the site of my research.

II. Finding Access

As I mentioned in the previous section, talking about virginity and sexuality is highly sensitive in the context of Iran. Therefore, finding access to people who were willing to share their ideas on these topics was challenging. I contacted my trusted friends, former colleagues, and acquaintances at the beginning of March in Tehran and explained my research question and the goals of this study to them. Then, I discussed the possible ways that I could carry out this research and asked them to look for potential informants in their networks for me. After two weeks, I got access to fifteen informants by being referred to them through my networks in Tehran.

Later, after each interview, I asked the informants to refer me to someone they knew who might have had an interest in participating in this research. Most of them referred me to at least one other person from their networks. Consequently, all my informants are people who voluntary took part in my research by being referred to me.

III. Informants

Among the thirty-eight respondents, there are nineteen girls and nineteen boys. They have different social, cultural, traditional, and religious background. Eight of them are married, and thirty are unmarried. The majority of the respondents are Shi'ah Muslims, but among them are Sunnis and Zoroastrians as well. Fifteen people were born or have the experience of living in other cities besides Tehran such as Kermanshah, Yazd, Lahijan, Abadan, Tabriz, Rasht, Kerman, Arak, Isfahan, Fuman, Kish, Mashad, and Semnan. Among these fifteen informants, some were born in Tehran but had the experience of living in other cities because of the situation or job of their parents. Those who were born in other cities had moved to Tehran either in the past six years for the purpose of studying, working, and marriage or since they were kids, due to the job or condition of their family. The lowest obtained educational level of the interviewees is pre-university and the highest is Ph.D. Their subjects of study vary from art, literature, social sciences to computer engineering, chemical engineering, architecture, and marketing. The majority of the informants are working full-time. Some are working part-time besides their studies, and a few are only studying. Additionally, three married informants are at home taking care of their children. The age of the informants is between eighteen to thirty-four. According to the chairman of the Information and Statistics Department of the National Organization for Civil Registration, the most common age of marriage in Iran for men is twenty to thirty-four and for women is fifteen to twenty-nine (Iran Daily, November 2015; Almonitor, June 2015; Tasnimnews, May 2016). However, media reports in metropolises such as Tehran indicate that the marriage age could reach even higher than twenty-nine years for women (Iran Daily, November 2015; Almonitor, June 2015; Tasnimnews, May 2016). Even though the legal age of marriage for women in Iran is thirteen years old (with the approval of their guardian), the age of majority is eighteen years old (Jokinen et al., 2014). As doing research with minors needed the consent of their parents, the minimum age of my interviewees is eighteen.

A.Data Collection Methods

Research as a fluid practice, particularly in the field of social sciences, needs to be capable of changing and including a more participatory methodology that guarantees a more equitable relationship among parties through its design and construction (Darou, Kurtness, & Hum, 1993; Piquemal, 2001). Additionally, while trying to have a better understanding of a specific phenomenon, it is crucial to use methods which bring more insight to the topic of study (Bryman, 2012). Thus, this research used in-depth, semi-structured face-to-face interviews for the following reasons. Firstly, this method assisted me with picking on the spontaneous answers and the benefits of "social cues" such as facial expressions, intonation, body language and voice of the informants which Opdenakker describes as additional information added to the verbal data in the interviews (2006). It was important to me that the answer of my respondents were their instant reflections on my questions. This helped me to evaluate the reliability of their answers and verify with them any paradoxical responses I received from them throughout the interviews. Subsequently, I composed an interview guide list which later aided me with knowing the direction of my questions and having a better understanding and gaining more details and new insights on and around the topic of my research question (Bryman, 2012).

IV. Interview Process

One of the key factors during the interview stage is to make sure the participants are not only willing to participate in the research but they also felt secure and respected to share their thoughts and experiences (Karnieli-Miller et al., 2009). The first and foremost step towards showing respect and gaining the trust of the participants that I decided to do was to send them a message before the interviews and give them a brief description about myself (Råheim et al., 2016). In this description, I explained who I am, where I study, what my research question is, and assured them regarding the confidentiality of the data collection process. The second step was to focus on the importance of their comfort and safety. To put them at ease, I always asked them to choose the time and location of our meetings. Some indicated the exact location, either at private spaces such as their houses or offices or at public spaces such as their universities, parks, and cafes. However, some were hesitant about the location of our meetings. In these cases, I suggested them a few options namely my house, various cafes in different areas of the city, or even in my car. The majority preferred the cafes with outdoor spaces and distant tables in which their voices could not be echoed and no one could hear his or her voices during the interviews. One of the informants came to my house, and one was interviewed in the car.

I met all of the informants at the location of our interview session. To prepare the informants to open up about their sexual lives, a researcher must build up a sense of rapport with them (Karnieli-Miller et al., 2009). The first fifteen to twenty minutes of our meetings was dedicated to establishing a mutual understanding and rapport with the respondents. The small talks and an introduction to the process of the interview were helpful to break the ice and create an environment where the informants talk freely (Hannabuss, 1996). During the small talks, I was enlightened by two interesting facts. The first fact is that I asked all of the informants about the reasons that they took part in this research. Their answers can be categorized into four groups. 1. Those who thought there is an emergence of research on sexual topics in Iran and they were happy to be a part of it. 2. Those who believed people do not value virginity as much as the previous generations and wanted to be the voice that represents this value again. 3. Those who had the experience of conducting a qualitative research and knew the difficulty of finding an interviewee. They wanted to help me as a researcher with participating in my research. 4. Those who were curious to know more about me, what I am studying, how I chose this field of study and research, and what kind of questions I will ask throughout the interviews. The second interesting fact is that some of the male respondents expressed their astonishment when they were told the person who is doing research on the concept of virginity is a female student. "I was shocked. The subject of sexuality is a great taboo in our country, and it is even more stigmatized if a girl conducts research about it." (Kamran, 24) Eventually, after creating a mutual sense of affinity, I read the verbal consent to them and ask for their permission to audio record their voices and continued with the interview. I began the interviews with general topics and broad questions about the personal understandings and ideas of the informants about sex education, or how they gain information regarding sexual issues. This approach allowed me to build more rapport with my informants and prepare them for more in-depth and personal questions (Bryman, 2012; Hennink, Hutter & Bailey 2011). Further, the informants were questioned about their general and personal perceptions, observations and experiences regarding the concept of virginity. Based on the preliminary contact I had with Iranian young adults, I was aware they were willing to open up about their perception of sexuality and share their stories. This gave me an opportunity to go further with my questions and explore their personal ideas and conceptions on the topic of my research not only about themselves but also about the Iranian society. I noticed that some of the respondents who had the experience of living in other cities besides Tehran kept answering my questions in a parallel way distinguishing between before and after having the experience to live in Tehran. I had also added questions inspired by case studies to my interview guide to switch my direct questions to indirect questions, allowing the informants to distance themselves from the subject and reveal potential unspoken new information (Leech, 2002; Mann, 2011). These case studies

were chosen from the stories, statements or ideas that I had heard from multiple people or on popular television programs. I believe using hypothetical questions allowed me to address the underlying theories on the concept of virginity and to understand the perception of my target group on them. I finished the interviews by asking them to give me feedbacks on our interviews to detect its drawbacks and if necessary, modify my questions for the upcoming interviews. The average length of the interviews was one hour and a half. The shortest interview was an hour, and the longest was three hours and ten minutes. All of the interviews were audio recorded with the verbal consent of the interviewees and kept on a secured device which was only accessible to me.

V. Ethical Considerations

Ethical concerns are a prominent element of any human interaction (Singer, 1993). I am acutely aware that doing research on highly sensitive topics requires taking measures to secure the confidentiality of the interviewees and safety of the collected data. After deciding on the method, I prepared a verbal consent script which outlined all the details of the interview and the rights of the informants. During my preliminary contact with my informants, I discussed and named the potential risks and the measurements I had prepared to avoid them, such as using pseudonyms and conducting the interviews in the place and time they felt more at ease and secure. I also briefly declared their rights through the interviews namely their right to avoid answering the questions that they did not feel comfortable with or withdrawal of the interview in case they did not want to continue. However, at the course of our discussions, I became aware of two main concerns of the respondents. The first concern that I was confronted with was whether I work for the Iranian government, and the second was if I needed their written consent. Therefore, I realized the necessity of clarifying for which organization I am working whenever I contacted a new informant. I also then decided to only ask for a verbal consent from my informants rather than a written consent because of the sensitivity of this topic. Additionally, as Kurtness and Hum (1993) suggested, to gain more trust and avoid the ethical problems I offered the interviewees that if interested, they could receive the translation of the results of this research.

VI. Study Limitations

One of the limitations of this research was the time restriction. Luckily, I was able to interview a large number of informants which allowed me to include more diversity in my study. However, it cannot be denied that there might be a difference between the ideas of those who have only lived in the rural areas and those who have been exposed to the lifestyle and ideas that exist in large cities. The other limitation was that I only interviewed those who were referred to me by my due to the high sensitivity of the research topic. Although the participants have diverse backgrounds and experiences, nevertheless, the unique perception, understandings, and experiences of thirty-eight informants are not inclusive of all the great diversity of views and ideas that exist in Tehran and Iran. Additionally, the age of my target group was between eighteen to thirty-four as these ages are the minimum and maximum age of marriage in Tehran and there is no need for parental consent to interview them. As the topic of this research is about the perception and experiences of Iranian youths on the concept of virginity, it should be noted that there are people bellow the age of eighteen who are engaging in sexual behaviors but were not a part of this research (Alikhani et al., 2007). Last but not least, I traveled to Tehran and started my fieldwork from 28 March 2017 to 7 May 2017 because of my study schedule. But, I do not recommend the period of mid-March to the beginning of April to the prospective researchers to conduct any research in Iran because of the inconvenience they might face due to the Iranian New Year occurring during this time. As most of the people are on vacation for this national holiday or have guests, they are not available or willing to make an appointment and take part in research. In my case, I missed seven days of interviews and used my time making appointments for the next weeks and translating the verbal consent script and the guide list from English to Farsi. To sum it up, more studies are needed to be done to include more range of varieties based on the age and the location of informants.

Chapter 4: Definitions, Perceptions, and Experiences

"[...] Virginity? Um, I think it does not have a single definition for everyone, and like any other

phenomenon not everyone experiences it the same way." (Arash. Male, 34)

Many scholars believe that the definition, perception, and experiences of individuals regarding

the concept of virginity cannot be simply understood by a unique elucidation (Barnett et al.,

2016; Bersamin et al., 2007; Byers et al., 2009; Carpenter, 2001, 2002, 2005, 2009; Gute et al.,

2008; Hans et al. 2010, Holland et al., 2010; Humphreys, 2013; Peterson & Muehlenhard 2007;

Pitts & Rahman, 2001; Remez, 2000; Sawyer et al., 2007; Trotter & Alderson 2007). With the

aim of having a better understanding of how Iranian heterosexual youths define, perceive, and

experience the concept of virginity, in this section the narratives of the informants are illustrated

and explored which shed lights to the the variety of ideas that exist on this topic.

I. How Do You Define Virginity?

As various studies about sexuality have indicated, most of heterosexual adults associate virginity

with having an intact hymen or no occurrence of penile-vaginal intercourse (Ahmadi, 2016;

Humphreys, 2013; Kaivanara, 2015; Moruzzi & Sadeghi, 2006; Motamedi et al., 2016). All the

informants who participated in my research agreed that one or both of the associations above are

believed to be the primary and sole definition(s) of virginity by the majority of society, or at least

within the medical realm.

"Virginity, um [silence], I think the definition that we are all familiar with which comes from the

society and the medical institutions is that virginity belongs to girls and it means having an

intact hymen." (Saman. Male, 23)

“I define virginity same as the scientific biological definition of it. It means having an unbroken

veil of virginity (hymen) for the girls. But I am not sure whether virginity can have a meaning for

boys or not." (Mahsa. Female, 26)

"I think virginity can be defined as, [silence] not having the first-time experience of penile-

vaginal intercourse which means it exists for both men and women. [silence] However, I must

say when you asked about the definition of virginity, the first definition that popped into my mind

was a girl with an intact hymen. It is what the society has drilled it into our brains. I have to

remind myself that I think boys can also be considered as virgins and they do not possess a

hymen. So, to me, its definition is based on the penile-vaginal intercourse. " (Parand. Female,

24)

In the context of Iran, the state and society have a great emphasis on the virginity of young adults

and prohibition of cross-gender relationships of unmarried individuals as it might lead them to

engage in premarital sexual relationships (Tabatabaie, 2015). As the standard definition of

virginity in Iran highlights the absence of penile-vaginal penetration which in its essence

includes the virginity of both sexes, not all the informants agreed with it. A few respondents who

agreed with the stated definition of virginity did not approve that virginity can equally be defined

for men.

"I think virginity does not have a meaning when it comes to men. They have an erection during

their sleep and ejaculate while dreaming. So, it is not a new sensation to them when they are

experiencing their first penile-vaginal intercourse." (Tannaz. Female, 27)

"In my opinion, virginity only exists for girls. It cannot be set for men." (Milad. Male, 22)

"[...] I do not think virginity can be defined for boys. If it made sense, then there should have

been a way to examine or medically prove whether a boy is a virgin or not. But I believe virginity

can be defined as having an intact veil of virginity (hymen) and/or no penetrative intercourse for

girls. I mentioned the second part for two reasons. Firstly, a girl may own a broken veil of

virginity (hymen) due to various incidents such as practicing extreme sports like diving or horse

riding. Secondly, nowadays girls are involved in other types of sexual behaviors such as penile-

oral and penile-anal intercourse just to preserve their veil of virginity (hymen). Therefore, I think

using penetrative sex is a better choice than penile-vaginal intercourse to define virginity

according to it." (Maziyar. Male, 24)

Partially assenting to the viewpoint of Maziyar, some informants considered penetrative

intercourse to be the standard definer of virginity for both boys and girls. According to these

informants the act of penetration was what made people non-virgins. This view is based on the

heteronormative culture which assumes heterosexuality to be the natural form of biological sex

between a man and a woman and is evolved around the genitalia of both sexes (Ingraham, 1994).

"If you had asked me to define virginity for you a few years ago before I come to Tehran, I would

have told you that is it something biological just for girls! But now my view has changed. I think

virginity is set for both boys and girls, meaning not having the experience of penile-anal or

penile-vaginal sex. [...] I consider oral sex as a part of the foreplay process to get to the

penetrative sex. I understand that sex is not all about penetration and people can have orgasms

during this process, but to me, virginity is only affected by having penile-anal and penile-vaginal

intercourse." (Atrin. Female, 26)

"If a definition should be uttered regarding the meaning of virginity, I think it should be fair and

include both sexes in it. I think virginity means no occurrence of any penetrative

intercourse." (Borna. Male, 24)

"I define virginity equally for both men and women, and the refers to the period that individuals

have not experienced any penetrative sex including oral, anal or vaginal sex." (Kaveh. Male 23)

However, the definitions of virginity are not only limited to the predominant meanings that were

revealed above. How virginity is defined by different individuals is widely diverse depending on

their racial, cultural, social, political and religious background. (Berger & Wenger, 1973;

Bersamin et al., 2007; Carpenter, 2001, 2002, 2005, 2009; Humphreys, 2013). With respect to all

the differences and divergent viewpoints of participants, the similarities between their definitions

were considerably noticeable. Besides what has been stated till now, the following definitions are

presented and ordered according to their popularity among the respondents.

Some informants indicated that virginity could be defined as anything an individual encounters

or experiences for the first time which necessarily does not have to be sexual. Virginity to them

meant being inexperienced. Considering the topic of my research, they continued the interview

focusing on the naivety of individuals in any form of sexual interactions.

"I think when we talk about virginity we should consider the age and the naivety of the

individuals. The age of puberty differs for each person, and there is no homogenous sexual

education or access to sexual information in Iran. At some point, we all reach the age of puberty

and exploring our sexual dimension does not physically harm us. So, idealistically, we are

inexperienced or in other words, virgins in kissing, cuddling, touching a naked body, oral sex,

anal sex, ..." (Mina. Female, 27)

"I believe we are all virgins in things we do not know about or have not experienced yet. It is the

same thing when it comes to our sexuality. I can be a virgin when it comes to penile-anal

intercourse, and another person can be a virgin of penile-vaginal and penile-oral sex. It totally

depends on the variety of the experiences of the individuals." (Keivan. Male, 23)

Besides the physical virginity, the informants introduced a new form of virginity which they

called it mental virginity. Based on the narrative of the interviewees, mental virginity only exists

to the point that the individuals become sexually active. However, masturbation or touching their

own body in any sexual manner does not affect the virginity of the person. Informants indicated

the preservation of the mental virginity is crucially dependent on the actual physical being of

another person. They added that the meaning of actual physical being is that this person is not

based on the imagination of the person. It does not matter if you truly touch this person or not, it

is just important that this person actually exists in your life. At this point, I asked the respondents

whether a person would lose his or her mental virginity while masturbating with the thoughts of

a porn star. In response to my question, the informants claimed that a person could lose his or her

mental virginity in the stated circumstance if they knew the porn star in person.

"As soon as you are sexually thinking about another person that means you are not mentally a

virgin anymore. It does not need to be something super special. Maybe you are just walking with

a person, and you imagine holding their hands. If this image has a sexual significance to you,

then you are not mentally a virgin anymore. You are sexually actively involved with another

person." (Mona. Female, 24)

"Without knowing anything about virginity or sexuality I used to touch my penis as a kid. It gave

me a good feeling, and sometimes I think I might have had orgasms without ejaculations, but I

never knew. Honestly, I do not consider those days as the time that I became sexually active. The

first time was when I met my first girlfriend and experienced sexual feelings towards her. That is

the time that I was not mentally a virgin anymore." (Fariborz. Male, 30)

The last definition belongs to those who said they do not have any definition of virginity at all

which in other word means no definition. These informants accept that there is a general

definition that the majority of people believe in it, but they do not agree with it, and they never

use this word or never try to recreate this concept by referring to it.

"As I said, the society or medical institutions are obsessed with giving various meanings to the

concept of virginity. Personally, I do not agree with it at all. I prefer not to use this word and do

not reproduce it again. I do not have a definition for it, and I do not think it." (Saman. Male, 23)

"No matter how much we disagree with what is believed in the society, by repeating this word

(virginity) we are still giving it a value that it does not own. To me, virginity does not have a

definition. It is just there, and I do not use it or believe in it. The only thing that matters to me is

whether people are involved in risky or unprotected sexual behaviors or not. We should focus

more on STDIs. " (Asu. Female, 25)

II. How Do You Perceive and Experience Virginity?

The perception of Iranian youths can be placed within the four frameworks that Carpenter (2001, 2002, 2005, in press) suggested on the concept of virginity. Throughout the interviews, virginity was perceived as gift, stigma, process, and an act of worship. Carpenter (2005), had stated informants who believed in the act of worship were the minorities within the group of informants who were from the Christian evangelical churches or conservative religious institutions. Although the majority of the population of Iran are Muslims, this framework was discussed and believed by the informants. Contrasting with Carpenter's finding, the supporters of this framework were not the minority group of the informants.

"I think losing the mental virginity is inevitable at some point. We cannot control our mind or emotions. But the physical virginity is what we can control until our marriage. To me, marriage is a holy act that is consisted of affection, responsibility, commitment, and trust. I believe virginity prepares us for this task. It teaches us how to resist our desires and share it with our loved one in the right time and context. I think the purity and innocence of those who are virgins will give them such great vibes that only good people will be attracted to them and this affects their present and future lives." (Mona. Female, 24)

Islam highly emphasizes on the value of family and marriage (Dhami & Sheikh, 2000). Therefore, the respondents believed by preserving their virginity up to their marriage they are fulfilling their Islamic duties (Dhami & Sheikh, 2000). The informants who believed in this framework stated that the only guarantee of having a healthy society is to encourage young

adults to follow this framework. They based their argument on the importance of the public health and the portrayal of marriage as the only solution for this matter by Allah.

"Family is one of the most important institutions of societies. Even Quran has greatly emphasized on its importance. A healthy family can be created when both individuals are virgins. I believe this is the right way to pave. It strengthens our faith and our self-control." (Milad. Male, 22)

The next framework which was presented by the informants was the perception of virginity as a process. "I think it is a stage that we will all pass and it helps us to gain more insights towards our own and our partner's sexuality. I believe this process will only get deeper and deeper each time that people engage in sexual activities. I cannot imagine an end to it." (Asu. Female, 26)

As Carpenter had declared, people who perceive virginity as a process understand virginity as a way to gain more sexual knowledge and insights. I asked the informants whether the virginity of her partner was an important matter to her.

"No. I genuinely do not care about this issue. I had my first sexual intercourse just a few weeks ago. However, he told me that he is sexually experienced and he does not want to hide anything from me. I was just happy! I thought his sexual experiences might help us to enjoy our sex." (Asu. Female, 26)

The reply of the informant confirms people who are process-oriented appreciate the sexual experiences of their partners. Another respondent described his perception as following:

"Sexual intercourse like any other experiences will enlighten us with more knowledge and understanding. I perceive virginity loss as the moment we grow up. It is not just a sexual and physical transition. This growth is even mental or spiritual. Each time we have sex, we understand or discover something new about ourselves or our sexual partner. Even if the sex is bad." (Barbod. Male, 28)

Informants who talked about perceiving virginity as a stigma can be divided into two categories. The first category, assenting to the findings of Carpenter viewed virginity as a concept that they had to get rid of it as soon as its opportunity was provided.

"I just wanted to get rid of it! I hated to think this is something that society has forced on me and there is a pleasure that I cannot experience. So, when I was sixteen, I invited my boyfriend who was as old as I was to our house when my parents were out and told him that I want to have sex with him. It was not the first time that he was coming to our house when no one was home, but [she laughs] it was so funny because he got shocked and did not know how to react. I think the most he had imagined was that we would cuddle while we were both naked. He asked me twice whether I truly meant penetrative sex, penile-vaginal sex. It was his first time too. He was very nervous. But I was so determined about it. I had asked all my questions from a friend who was a few years older than me and was sexually experienced, and she had bought me a condom. The only thing that I was afraid of was to get pregnant which did not happen." (Shiva. Female, 20)

Shiva rejects her virginity as it is a concept which was imposed on her by the cultural scenario. Acting against the expectations of the society, makes her feel her agency which is resisting the social norms. However, even within her rebellious action, the fear of the rise of other cultural scenarios is evident. I insisted she tell me what made her afraid of getting pregnant.

"If you have premarital or even extramarital sex there is a great possibility that you can hide it from others. But if I would have gotten pregnant I would have been troubled. It is hard to keep it a secret, and I was not sure whether I could have found a good doctor who would have illegally helped me with having an abortion. Furthermore, I would have been kicked out of the school, and that would have caused a scandal." (Shiva. Female, 20)

So, the following cultural scenarios are concerned with the institutions such as medicine, school, and family. She resists the norms or breaks the laws as long as they can be concealed from the members and the institutions of society. According to Ardalan (26), stigma can be a double-edged blade. While some people perceive virginity as an undesirable concept which needs to be rinsed off their body, some people are also additionally stigmatized by their peers for being a virgin.

"I am still a virgin, and it is not like I did not want to have sex or I am waiting to have sex when I am married. It just has not occurred yet. It sucks. Every time I was supposed to meet my girlfriends something came up, and it did not happen. I study and work, but I still live with my

family. It is not easy to find the time and a place to have sex there. However, except my best friends, others think I am not a virgin. It did not exactly lie to them, but I also did not tell them the entire truth. When I was in high school most of my friends had sex, and it is even more common among the university students. If a boy at our age is still a virgin, he is going to be mocked. It is like being less than a man. As if we prove our masculinity by the number of the time we have had sex with a girl. I remember when we were in high school, other students would address a virgin boy as a girl. Although I am faking my non-virginity, at least I am skipping the stigma, feeling less pressured." (Ardalan. Male, 26)

In Ardalan's case, the stigma is doubled by being stigmatized by his peers who believe a boy's virginity equals the lack of masculinity. I asked him to elaborate on his feelings towards his situation.

"Um... I also did not and does not like the fact I was and still am a virgin. It bothered me a lot. But I was always afraid that somebody finds out about it. I am a masculine man. I was the same when I was in high school because I work out a lot. At that age, everyone is talking about their masculinity, muscles and the size of their penises. I had all of them plus my virginity. Even thinking about being called as a girl, [pause] it decreased my self-confidence. Sometimes I felt like I would ask the first girl that I meet to take my virginity away and that hurt more because I had to be the one who was supposed to take her virginity away. All these thoughts were disgusting. The things have changed a bit right now. The universities and workplaces are not close communities as high schools." (Ardalan. Male, 26)

Not only does he perceive virginity as a deficiency that he needs to get rid of, but he also views it as a threat to his masculinity. To him, virginity is a gendered concept that defines his gender roles. Masculinity and taking a girl's virginity away are the results of the cultural scenario, and intrapersonal scripts are putting him under pressure to the extent that he has to fake his virgin identity to avoid the stigma. His fake non-virgin identity makes him pass to be a part of a larger community.

The fourth framework which includes the majority of the female informants perceives virginity to be a gift. This belief is associated with the romantic ideas that the virginity should be preserved for the right time, place and person. Additionally, they have a positive view towards this concept. The following excerpts belong to two female respondents. The first one is a virgin and the second one has experienced the virginity loss.

"Virginity is a special thing that we can share with the person we love. It indicated the depth of our affection and the true value of your partner." (Parand. Female, 24)

Another female respondent explained:

"I guess everyone will remember the first time that certain things happened to them. I believe the loss of virginity is one these things. Plus, when we are in love with a person we want to experience the most exciting things in the worlds with them. What is more exciting than having sex together for the first time? I am not suggesting that the right person, the one you love, is the person who is or will be your spouse. Marriage does not determine the richness of our feelings." (Baran. Female, 22)

Up to now, the findings of my research overlapped with Carpenter's studies. However, some informants talked about a new perception which did not exist in Carpenter's works. These informants perceived virginity as a characteristic. Their view towards this concept is neutral and believe the social, cultural norms and expectations of others try to give meaning this concept.

"I think it is a characteristic, a label. It is neutral in its essence, but it gains a positive or negative connotation based on the expectations of others." (Mina. Female, 27)

The concept of virginity and virginity loss as a characteristic can continue its existence as the person to whom this characteristic belongs might interact with different people in various contexts. However, the followers of this framework believe that like any other phenomenon that happens to them for the first time, their first sexual encounter will have a significant meaning to them. Moreover, the informants stated that they did not care about the virginity of their partners and if they ever ask their partners about their virginity status it is solely due to getting to know the ideas of their partners.

"To me, It is like a spectrum that individuals experience sexual desires together to the extent they have agreed on. I believe there is no end to it. It is a characteristic. It is not essentially positive or negative. It is just there." (Siamak. Male, 22)

"I perceive virginity as a characteristic. It is like hair! Some have blonde hair, some have black hair, and some people do not have hair at all. Some dye their hair to other colors and some cut it super short, and some grow it very long. Some feel beautiful with their curly hair, and some straighten their hair every day or contrariwise. Some are comfortable with displaying their bald

head and some hide or wrap their hair because they feel they have too much hair or it is not appealing enough. And I think they all come from how individuals perceive themselves in the cultural and social context that they live in. The concept of virginity is the same." (Omid. Male, 34)

III. Living Virginity

"Virginity is not something that is experienced once or finishes as soon as a person has had penile-vaginal penetration. We live the concept of virginity every day of our lives in different ways." (Sanaz. Female, 25)

As mentioned in sections above, participants define, perceive, and experience the concept of virginity differently. The cultural scenario and interpersonal script have a significant influence on how young adults face the concept of virginity and build their identities (Simone & Gagnon, 1986). They learn the appropriate sexual scripts and what is expected from individuals to be accepted in the society through the institutions such as the state, school, media, family, and friends (Simone & Gagnon, 1986; Smith, 2012). Even though during the past decades, the mainstream script regarding the concept of virginity has changed, the penile-vaginal penetration is still what indicates the virginity of a person which unquestionably is based on the heteronormative culture (Carpenter, 2010; Ingraham 2002; Medley-Rath, 2007). In the context of Iran, the mainstream virginity script is a penile-vaginal penetration within a marriage (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015). It considers heterosexuality to be the natural form of biological sex between a man and a woman and preserves and reinforces the heteronormative gendered sexualities, gender roles, and identities (Cameron & Kulick, 2005; Ingraham, 1994; Plummer, 2015).

The reinforcement of sexual taboos and morality and the emphasis of the Iranian state and society on the prohibition of premarital sex have created a profound silence regarding the sexuality of individuals and have brought the concept of virginity, gendered sexualities and gender roles into focus in the cultural scenario and interpersonal script (Paivandi, 2012; Rahmani et al., 2014). Consequently, due to the lack of comprehensive sex education, heterosexual Iranian youths do not acquire the necessary knowledge or experience when it comes to encountering their first marital or premarital sexual experience (Alikhani et al., 2007; Khalajabadi Farahani & Cleland, 2015; Latifnejad Roudsari et al., 2013; Paivandi, 2012; Rahimi-Naghani et al., 2016;

Rahmani et al., 2014). Therefore, their ideas and expectations are mostly based on the cultural scenarios and interpersonal scripts to which they had been exposed (Morgan & Zurbriggen, 2007; Simone & Gagnon, 1986).

Although according to Simone and Gagnon (1986) the intrapsychic script accredits the agency of individuals regarding their sexual behavior which can lead to resisting the cultural scenario or interpersonal script. However, the heteronormative culture and double standards are deeply rooted in the societies which cause difficulties to those who are acting on their intrapsychic script and question their gendered sexualities, gender role and identities (Ahmadi, 2016; Ingraham, 2002). As stated by West and Zimmerman (1987), individuals are involved in producing and experiencing the notion of gender in their everyday activities. Thus, individuals are constantly facing and experiencing the notion of gender in the three different levels of the sexual script. Having in mind that the concept of virginity is a part of gendered sexualities and individual's gender identity and roles, this section illustrates how the informants face and live the concept of virginity in regards to gendered sexuality and gender identity in Iran.

III.I. Patriarchy and Inequality

While talking about the concept of virginity with the informants, the topic of patriarchy and inequality was brought up by most of the female respondents. However, only three male respondents referred to this subject as a matter related to virginity. The female informants discussed the issue of inequality in relation to the existing difference between the virginity of girls and boys in Iran. They believed if virginity is an important matter it must exist for both sexes. An example of a double standard of patriarchal societies is the fact that women are the only ones who have to prove their premarital abstinence (Van Moorst et al., 2012). The sexuality of women has been hushed, considered passive and disciplined which all in total are the characteristics of patriarchal sexualities (Plummer, 2015).

"To ask women to prove their virginity or even forcefully asking them to remain a virgin until their marriage is a great offense to them. I cannot stand the inequality between sexes that exist within in patriarchal societies which are mostly based on the concept of virginity or female sexuality in general." (Pouriya. Male, 25)

The female informants claimed that the unequal treatment of the state and the society regarding girl's virginity in the patriarchal society represents the idea that men perceive women as their commodities. Therefore, men think by monitoring female sexuality they can fully possess women as their commodity. Gender discrimination happens in everyday life which demonstrates the traditional gender roles and the position of women in the society.

According to Schlegel, a leading scholar on the topic of adolescent’s sexuality, the pressure, and control over female sexuality are equal to the control over social relations (1991). In addition, an intact hymen and the concept of virginity are the objectification of women as treasured commodities for men (Mernissi, 1982). The notion of virginity is based on inequality of sexes and an established hierarchy of enforcing powers which portray the supremacy of men and their domination in a patriarchal society (Ilkkaracan, 2002; Mernissi, 1982). According to Islam, virginity is important for both girls and boys but the condemnation of women who had premarital sex as if they are the only ones to blame displays the patriarchal ideology behind this tradition (Ilkkaracan, 2002; Mernissi, 1982).

The majority of female respondents believed only women are those who suffer from the unequal treatment of a patriarchal society. They stated most men do not recognize patriarchy or the inequality between sexes as a matter related to the concept of virginity as they have deeply dissolved into them over the time and do not experience it or live it every day. On the contrary, a few of the female respondents claimed that men are also a victim of this oppressive system due to the expectations of the society and the heavy burden of responsibilities that are imposed on them. "I think asking girls to prove their virginity is an offense to both girls and boys. Now that I am thinking about it, it is even worse for boys! This proof or certificate is replacing our sexual honesty. I believe that this emphasis on the control of female sexuality is portraying women as the second sex. It means that women need to be taken care of, protected from others, and they need to be untouched and pure before marriage. This idea also put a lot of pressure on men because they always perceive themselves responsible for the action of the women who are somehow related to them. They are constantly being judged by the society." (Asu. Female, 26)

Finally, all of the informants who talked about the subject of patriarchy and inequality believed Islam is not the source of these issues. They believed religions have always had a clear viewpoint on the importance of virginity, however, in accordance with the findings of Van Moorst et al.

(2012), the oppressive view of female sexuality is a combination of cultural, “historical, sociopolitical, and economic factors. (p.94)"

III.II. Honor, Sexual Assaults, and Rape

In the patriarchal societies, women of the family are the representative of the honor of a family (Eşsizoğlu et al., 2011; Parla, 2001). Honor (namus) indicates the social prestige and status of the men of a family (Eşsizoğlu et al., 2011). The purity and innocence of girls are measured based on their virginity and sexual behaviors which can bring respect or disgrace to a family (Eşsizoğlu et al., 2011; Kaivanara, 2015; Parla, 2001). In the context of Iran, female sexuality and virginity are associated with honor and shame (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015). Women are responsible for upholding the honor of their community, family, and men (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015; Mernissi, 1982). Failure to provide a virginity proof for marriage can have fatal consequences such as becoming a victim of suicide, violence, femicide, or honor killings (Ahmadi, 2016; Eşsizoğlu et al., 2011). Although there is no accurate statistic regarding the rate of honor killings in Iran, according to police statistics, 2500 murders take place in Iran per year which 15-18% of them are honor killings (Ahmadi, 2016; UK Government, 2016).

During the interviews, all the female informants talked about virginity and its relation to honor. They pointed out that most of the families in Iran are concerned about the sexual behavior of their female members. In case of bringing dishonor to a family, the least that can happen to the female member is to be abandoned by her family or the whole community. The female informants who had identified as non-virgins had an ambivalent attitude toward this matter. On the one hand, they were scared and sad of being left alone, while at the same time, they imagined themselves to feel relieved as they were no longer slaves to their secret which caused them a great deal of stress daily.

"My family will kill me if they find out that I am not a virgin. I am sure about it! Premarital sex is the ultimate sin and dishonor to them." (Sanaz. Female, 25)

"I am coming from a small city, and unfortunately, my family is so sensitive about the concept of virginity. I have no idea what they will do if they find out that I am not a virgin anymore. They might even kill me [long pause] Not that they do it on purpose,... but I can imagine that they will be so mad. It scares me, yet it might happen accidentally. If it does not happen, then they will abandon me because of this dishonor. Not just my parents, but the whole family. It will be a

scandal. I do not know how I would feel about it. At some point, I would be sad because I love them in my own way, but at the same time, I would be so relieved that I do not have to be a part of this game anymore. I can be free from all the pressure and difficulties." (Asu. Female, 26)

In the context of Iran, when it comes to gendered sexualities, honor has another meaning too. Gheyrat (honor or zeal) which is different from namus (honor) exhibits the authoritative masculinity of men over guarding and restraining the female's sexuality of his female partner(s) or relatives (Ahmadi, 2016). In traditional families, men show gheyrat by even dictating a set of norms regarding the clothing and hijab to their female partner(s) or relatives. Men who display gheyrat perceive their peers as a threat to their masculinity and honor (Ahmadi, 2016).

"I think what is happening in the society of Iran right now, that people are easily letting themselves to have premarital sex, is awful. It gives me a sense of insecurity and distrust towards people and the society. I have a younger sister, and I am so worried that she falls into the dark pit of premarital relationships. I have no idea how I should take care of her. As a boy, I have grown up among boys. I know how they see a girl in a sexual manner and I know what they think about her or what they do to her. I am a virgin, but I have heard many stories. 99% of the boys will not marry the girl they have had sex with. They just see her as a sex toy, and when they want to think about their future and marriage, they search for the girls that are assumed to be virgins and untouched. Some girls accept to have sex with their boyfriends because they love the guy and want to keep him. They should know the relationship is over for the guys as soon as they reach what they wanted. The girls are just sexually being used. My gheyrat do not allow me to accept the same destiny for my sister." (Milad. Male, 22)

Honor in all its forms can be interpreted as the moment that the public expectations and cultural scenario or even interpersonal script confront the personal decisions and the intrapsychic script. The crisis of honor can lead to greater damages such as sexual violence, assaults, and rape which supposedly preserve or regain the dignity of a person or community (Plummer, 2015). Various studies suggest that the rate of domestic violence is high in Iran. The findings of these studies suggest 95.3% to 93% of the victims have experienced physical violence and the majority of them are housewives (Kazemain et al., 2005; Pournaghash-Tehrani, 2011). However, there is no official statistic about the sexual assault of the domestic victims. Its rates vary from 8% to 95.3% in different studies (Pournaghash-Tehrani, 2011). It is worth mentioning the stated findings are only concerned with domestic violence within a marriage, and the violence which happens in dating relationships are excluded. Due to the statement of the informants, domestic violence exists in dating relationships too. Lack of social and legal support and the prohibition of

premarital (sexual) relationships have doubled the stigma around opening up about these issues. The informants declared that girls are mostly becoming the victims of their dating partners. As the premarital relationships are a subject of moral panics, most of the interactions between the partners happen in the private spaces such as their houses when their parents are away. Therefore, when the domestic violence, particularly sexual abuse, occurs in these private spaces, the fear of public embarrassment and the social stigmatization lead the victims to choose secrecy.

"I always talk about sex and the concept of virginity with my girlfriends before anything happens between us. I have had sex with most of my girlfriends which they had consented to. Two of them told me that they were virgins and wanted to remain virgins until their marriage. Of course, I respected them and never talked about it with them again. Unfortunately, I know the fact that there are guys who invite their girlfriends over and then force them to have sex with them. They push them towards this. Once I was in a gathering, and some people were proudly saying that they forced their girlfriends to suck their dicks or have anal sex with them and I was [silence] totally disgusted. They were saying it is natural to force a girl because they are too shy to do it themselves. They do not consider it as rape or sexual assaults because they usually do not force them to have penile-vaginal intercourse with them." (Fariborz. Male, 30)

Throughout the interviews more than half of the female participants talked about having the experience of sexual assaults or rape. Although most of them stated they were kids when the incident happened, they had a clear memory of it. A few of the female participants noted they were fifteen years old or more when they were raped, and one was raped by her dating partner. Moreover, the majority of them indicated that it was their first time that they were talking about this issue. Barriers such as the honor of the family, the fear of honor killings, and the stigma around non-virgins in the society has forced them to be silent about this issue.

"One of the most important issues that nobody talks about it in Iran is rape and sexual assaults. I was raped [long pause] by a close relative. [silence] He was someone that I grew up with since I was a kid and it happened when I was nineteen years old. I could not talk about this issue with anyone at all! All these years I had to keep this secret inside me because not only expressing it would have affected the relationships of the families but also it would have positioned me at the center of attention as a girl who has been touched. A girl who is not a virgin anymore. The worst thing is that I have to see him in family gatherings from time to time and it took me a while to control my reactions and expressions. Everyone thought that I had some feelings for him and he rejected me or something. That hurt so much but I just had to be silent. [silence] Rape is not only about virginity. It is also about the honor of the family. The male figures in the families feel

offended or responsible for my the sexuality of the female figures. They treat the girl as if it is her fault. First, they will blame her for what has happened then they will think about the rapist." (Sanaz. Female, 25)

According to a study, the sexual abuse percentage among the youths in Iran is 48.8% (Bagherian et al., 2011). The abusers are often known to the youths, and the rate of sexual assault in Tehran is considerably higher than other cities (Bagherian et al., 2011). The result of many other studies in various cities in Iran confirms the high rate of sexual abuse among the youth people (Mohammadi et al., 2014; Namdari, 2003 ; Pirdehghan, 2015).

"I have been sexually molested when I was almost twelve. The person who did it was one of our distant relatives, and he was sixteen at that time. I was troubled by what happened, and it is just a few months that I am going to a therapist and started talking about it. I was afraid of expressing it because female sexuality and the concept of virginity is a huge taboo that I did not want to be a burden to my family. I knew they would be so upset and maybe not act on it at all since it would have meant that I am not an innocent girl that everyone thought of anymore. I did not want to be perceived as defected." (Asu, Female, 26)

Even though there are no accurate statistics on the rate of sexual abuse and rape in Iran, in 2012 the chief police stated that out of 900 cases of reported rapes in Iran, 40% of the victims were girls and 60% were boys who were mostly below the age of fifteen (Kalame, May 2012). Among the male interviewees, only Arash brought up the subject of sexual assault and rape regarding the concept of virginity.

"When I was eighteen, my sexual debut happened with a woman who was ten years older than me. We were at her place, she was a widow, and she guided us towards an intercourse. I was so naive at that time and what happened between us was the result of the absence of any sexual education. I believe I was abused and harassed by her. This incident had a huge impact on the way I see the concept of virginity and sexuality in general. However, I can imagine if I were a girl who was abused everything would have been completely different now." (Arash. Male, 28)

Based on Arash and other female informants’ opinion, it is evident that the issue of rape and sexual harassment is filtered by the gendered sexuality and the cultural scenario that exist in Iran. The consequences of sexual assault are different for a girl and boy which in result makes their living experiences completely diverse. The majority of female informants assumed besides the psychological trauma that individuals face after being sexually harrassed, the existence of a

hymen in a female body is what adds up to their stress. They pointed out the thought of going through a virginity test is one of the major facts that women cannot cope with this unfortunate incident throughout their lives. However, some informants mentioned their relief when they were informed that there is an emergency escape-way known as hymenoplasty for those who do not possess an intact hymen and they have the chance of reconstructing their hymen if they were troubled.

III.III. Hymenoplasty

Bearing in mind that studies suggest that premarital sex in the contemporary state of Iran is on the rise, as mentioned before, one of the options for women who believe they do not possess an intact hymen is to undergo a hymen reconstruction surgery (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015). According to Ahmadi, an Iranian scholar who works on the medicalization of virginity, “hymenoplasty basically builds a corporeal appearance of virginity in women by surgically restoring the hymen.” (2016, p. 222) Most of the women who do this surgery are often those who have acted on their sexual desires, broken the taboo of premarital sex, and seek to protect their social and cultural values by simulating an anatomical marker of virginity (Ahmadi, 2016). Moreover, reports indicate that the number of women who undergo this surgery has increased (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015). Putting aside women who undergo this surgery to restore their hymen which was broken due to sexual assaults, in another word, most women despite the condemnation of the cultural scenario have acted on their intrapsychic script and are trying to create a balance between the existing sexual scripts in society. Most of the male informants voiced their opinions on the subject of hymenoplasty the moment they were asked to define the concept of virginity. The majority of them were guarded towards this concept and voiced their opposition. Their main argument was that despite the virginity tests that exist in Iran, girls could fake their virginity with the aid of this surgery.

"I think hymenoplasty is a lie. The girl should tell the guy that she has had vaginal sex. If this is what she thought is right to do then why is she hiding it? The guy is trusting her, and that is harmful to the whole society in general. I guess after a while everyone is distrustful." (Maziyar. Male, 24)

One of the main arguments of the informants, particularly male informants, was the ethical aspect of this surgery. Like many scholars and doctors who are questioning the ethical facets of

hymenoplasty, the male informants believed this surgery is a lie and as families which are the smallest institutions of society are constructed on the basis of this lie the whole society will be corrupted after a few generations.

"I believe hymenoplasty is a lie. It is not fine to fake being a virgin. Of course, it is really important to the guy that his wife is a virgin that he asks about it. Moreover, I do not approve of it. I do not blame the girl for choosing to lose her virginity before marriage, but she should not lie to another person about it. If her suitor cares about the concept of virginity, then she should reject him and marry someone else." (Milad. Male, 22)

In comparison to the male respondents, female respondents had a more moderate and flexible attitude towards this subject. They expressed their understanding of the given situation. Although most of them would not have chosen to undergo this surgery, they recognized the underlying notions of hymenoplasty that include the forced expectations of the society and gendered sexuality. Contradictory to the opinion of male informants who believed a girl must pay the price of her decision and sacrifice her social status if she has opted to have penile-vaginal sex, female informants understood the hardship of living in an environment where the cultural scenario is in favor of men.

"Personally, I am against it, but I totally understand why a girl might want to go through this surgery. She wanted to have sex and followed her desires. It is absolutely fine. However, life does not happen the way we want it. I can imagine that she is forced to do it. Otherwise, she would not have chosen this amount of pain and stress. Maybe she has to do it because of the reaction of her family, the honor of the family, the social or financial status that she gains by her marriage or any other reason." (Baran. Female, 22)

Confirming the findings of Ahmadi (2016) and other scholars, hymenoplasty is a paradoxical concept which on the one hand through the medicalization of virginity is regulating and limiting female's sexuality to the cultural scenario of society, while on the contrary, it empowers women to surpass the patriarchal expectations of society and explore the forbidden world of female sexuality before their marriage (Cindoglu, 1997; Kaivanara, 2015).

"Hymenoplasty? Um, I think there is a huge gap between what a girl desires and what the society expects from her. Sexuality is also a part of her identity besides other things that form her identity. Sometimes not being virgin ruins all she has fought for and created till now. Then I understand this surgery gives her the opportunity to keep the balance." (Arash. Male, 28)

As a successful marriage determines the social and financial status of the girl and her family, with the aid of hymenoplasty girls can manipulate the dichotomous beliefs regarding the virgin/non-virgin and virtuous/unvirtuous girl (Ahmadi, 2016; Kaivanara, 2015). Those who undergo hymenoplasty build a fluid identity which resists and resignifies the Socio-cultural heteronormative roles in society and creates a space for them to exhibit their gender performativity (Ahmadi, 2016; Butler, 1990).

III.IV. Virginity and Gender Performativity

Taking Butler's theory into account, identities do not happen at once (1990). They are repeated over a period of time in certain sequences and can be traced in our language and culture (Butler, 1990). As it was mentioned before, Butler believes that language shapes and constructs gender identities (Butler, 1990; Salih, 2002). As language and discourse are affected by the sociocultural values of the societies, therefore, doing gender varies from one culture to another (Butler, 1990; Salih, 2002). For instance, those informants who did not define virginity are trying to avoid the cultural scenario and interpersonal script that reinforce the importance of virginity in society. Although they admitted that this word is internalized in them due to their exposure to cultural scenario, at the intrapsychic level, they try to prevent the recreation of the given meanings to this word. Another example can be the word "veil of virginity" (Parde-ye-Bekarat) which is used in Farsi to refer to hymen can be an example of the performativity of language and its effect on the performativity of the gender. Considering veil as a piece of clothing which is used by women to cover their hair or body, the veil of virginity suggests that the word virginity is concerned with women and more importantly the hymen needs to be covered and protected from others. Taking one step further, the "veil of virginity" can represent the sociocultural ideas of Iranians regarding virginity. This word is a symbol of the cultural scenario and interpersonal script that exists around the concept of virginity. It is worth mentioning that Farsi does not contain any word to refer to boy's virginity.

Throughout this section, informants pointed out the most important subjects related to the concept of virginity which they experienced on a daily basis. There is a clear trend that these topics are significant to individuals based on their gendered sexualities and gender identities. Issues such as patriarchy and inequality, and sexual assaults and rape were the subjects which were the concern of female informants. On the other hand, male informants were mostly

focusing on gheyrat (honor) and hymenoplasty. There were only a few male or female interviewees who had tried to look at the issues through the lens of their opposite sexes.

Butler believes gender creates norms which at the same time can determine the proper functions of gender and provide the ground for the resistance (Butler, 1990). This idea can be applied to the subject of hymenoplasty and Patriarchy. As most of the girls who undergo hymenoplasty are considered to have had the experience of penile-vaginal penetration, with the help of this surgery they are resisting the patriarchal and unequal norms, and the cultural scenario that exists in Iran (Ahmadi, 2016; Cindoglu, 1997; Kaivanara, 2015). In fact, although this resistance and submission to the medical institutions seemed incomprehensible to most of the male informants of this study, they mentioned it between their words that due to the caused distrust toward the validity of virginity certificates, they are not willing to request a virginity test from a girl as much as before. While reading Butler, one might think that she has not left any space for new changes as the identities and the meanings we perceive are deeply rooted in a series of acts and sequences that have been ongoing for a long time. However, this fine line between the proper function and resistance of individuals is where the new changes appear with a slow pace. As a matter of fact, those who undergo hymenoplasty will successfully perform virginity while they have experienced the both domains of the dichotomous discourse on this topic (Ahmadi, 2016). While interviewing Arash, he made a point which attracted my attention. I asked him whether he knows someone who has done hymenoplasty.

"One of my close relatives was asked by her father to do this surgery because she had a suitor who was religious and she wanted to marry him. Her father told her to find a good doctor and fix her hymen before the suitor or his family ask for a proof of virginity. Her family was aware of her previous sexual experiences, and the only thing they had told her was always to remember to have safe sex. However, now that the issue of marriage was involved the honor of the family became somehow important." (Arash. Male, 28)

In the previous cases, performing virginity enabled girls to fulfill their sexual desires and comply with the expected roles from them. However, Arash's narrative is suggesting that not only the daughter of the family is performing virginity, but also her whole family is performing it.

Additionally, the secrecy about the subject of sexual assault and rape can be examined through the gender performativity of Butler (1990). As she has stated that those who do not succeed to do their gender properly will be punished and condemned by the society, she perceives gender performance as a tactic for surviving the essentialist systems (Butler, 1990). Women and men

who have been the victim of sexual assault or rape can be seen as those who have failed to do their gender properly. The essence of their failure varies from each other, as one has failed to preserve her virginity and the other has failed to act on his hegemonic masculinity. However, their secrecy can be seen as a tactic to survive the stigma and shame which exist in the society based on the cultural scenario and interpersonal script. Therefore, the decision of individuals at the intrapsychic level assists them to keep up with gender performativity and saves them from the sociocultural consequences which they might have faced.

Finally, the concept of virginity shapes individual's gender identity. The discourse around this concept and the imposed sociocultural expectations define the proper gender performances that are the task of people to fulfill (Butler, 1990). As the consequences of failing to do the proper gender are high, people try to find different tactics to survive within the society (Butler, 1990). These tactics might differ depending on the intrapsychic script of individuals. However, this study made this clear that virginity is a form of gender performativity.

Chapter 5: Conclusion

Throughout this thesis, the stories of heterosexual Iranian youths were narrated questing after understanding how young Iranians define, perceive and experience the concept of virginity in heterosexual relationships. The second aim of this study was to bring more insight into how young heterosexual adults perceive hymenoplasty in Iran. To fulfill this task, with the aid of in-depth semi-structured interviews I explored the thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors of the respondents regarding the stated subjects. Although my preliminary plan was to study the difference between the definitions, perceptions, and experiences of individuals relating to the concept of virginity, it is worth mentioning that while I was conducting the interviews, I understood that the perception and experiences of individuals are entangled with each other and can be studied as one. However, the daily confrontation of informants with the concept of virginity disclosed a new dimension of this phenomenon to me which later was added to this thesis under the name of living virginity. In the following sections, the findings of this thesis are concluded.

I. Definitions, Perceptions, and Experiences

As various scholars had stated, the definition of virginity is not an easy task. Individuals define virginity differently based on various factors such as their ideas, emotions, and contexts (Barnett et al., 2016; Bersamin et al., 2007; Carpenter, 2001; Holland et al., 2012; Humphreys, 2013). The result of this study shows that most individuals consider the absence of penile-vaginal penetration as the sole definition of virginity. However, some varieties such as the occurrence of penile-anal and penile-oral sex can also determine the definition of virginity (Bersamin et al., 2007; Humphreys, 2013). The ideas of informant about the inclusion of men in the realm of virginity varied from each other.

Among the informants, a few indicated that virginity is not only physical. They described they believed in mental virginity as well. The mental virginity is defined as the moment that individuals become sexually active. However, this definition does not include the sexual actions which take place in the presence of another individual. This concept is mostly focused on the sexual desires and fantasies of a person. The last group is the people who do not have a definition of virginity. They believe the discourse of virginity does not make sense. Although due to the

existence and usage of this word in the society they are familiar with its concept, they do not have a definition for it.

As it was suggested by Carpenter (2001, 2002, 2005, in press) individuals perceive and experience the concept of virginity and virginity loss differently. The four cognitive frameworks which interpreted virginity as a gift, stigma, process and an act of worship were discussed by the informants of this study. Carpenter (2005) added virginity as an act of worship to the cognitive frameworks of virginity because of a few number of informants who had strong religious beliefs and conservative views. However, in this study, the number of heterosexual Iranian youths who perceived virginity as an act of worship was not the lowest among the four suggested frameworks by her. Finally, a new perception was introduced by the informants which consider virginity and virginity loss as a characteristic. This perspective has a neutral outlook towards the concept of virginity which does not add or reduce any value to the people. Individuals who are characteristic-oriented take the effects of sociocultural norms into account and understand that connotation of virginity and virginity loss can differ from one person to another and one context to the next.

II. Virginity in Everyday Life

As it has been shown throughout the research, the concept of virginity does not end the moment that the first penile-vaginal intercourse occurs. Young adults from Iran experience virginity in their everyday lives while interacting with others or doing various activities. Based on the gathered data of this study, respondents believed 1) patriarchy and inequality, 2) honor, sexual assaults and rape, and 3) hymenoplasty are the most important issues related to the concept of virginity. Therefore, the stated subjects have been explored and analyzed in this thesis. Patriarchy and inequality which were mostly discussed by female informants were considered to be the source of virginity tests for women and the control over female's sexuality. Female interviewees pointed out that in patriarchal societies women are considered as commodities of men. The supremacy of male figures allows them to monitor and control female's sexuality which positions them as the second sex. Honor, sexual assaults, and rape which are the product of patriarchal societies puts men in a position that they feel responsible for the sexual behaviors of their related female figures. Therefore, the reputation of women is what brings disgrace or fortune to their families. Many people are victims of sexual harassment and rapes. However, they keep this unfortunate incident unvoiced as the honor of the family, or their chaste reputation is dependent on it. Although girls are not the only victims of rapes and assaults, boys have also opted to be silent about this subject.

The cultural scenario that exists in societies, particularly patriarchal societies, is based on heteronormativity and hegemonic masculinity. Thus, boys and girls choose to leave this subject unspoken. Male and female informants had different attitudes towards hymenoplasty. While the majority of male interviewees were opposed to this surgery, female interviewees voiced their understanding of this phenomenon. Male respondents ethically questioned hymenoplasty and called it a lie. In their opinion faking virginity was harmful to the society. On the other hand, female informants could relate to the girls who would want to undergo this surgery as they could imagine these girls had no other option left. The stated narratives were analyzed based on Butler's gender performativity (1990). With the application of this theory to the patriarchal norms and the subject of hymenoplasty, women who had acted on their sexual desires and did not possess an intact hymen were resignifying the cultural scenario as they were able to reconstruct their hymen and fit within the proper gender roles again. This points out that the intrapsychic script can surpass the cultural scenario and interpersonal script and manipulate their rules. Women who undergo hymenoplasty in accordance to Butler's (1990) theory resist the unequal and patriarchal culture and on the other hand, comply with the sociocultural rules. Those who had been the victims of sexual assaults and rapes have chosen the path of secrecy as it allows them to perform their gender and protect themselves from the social punishments even though they have failed to do their gender properly.

Individuals are constantly performing gender and virginity by their daily choices. Their performances are divided into three different levels of cultural scenario, interpersonal and intrapsychic scripts which were proposed by Simon and Gagnon (1986). Thus, gender and virginity are performed in relation to the daily interactions of people with various institutions, people and themselves which their influences on each other are profoundly interwoven. Butler (1990) stated gender identity is even deeply rooted in the language and discourses. As the concept of virginity is one of the factors that form individual's identity, the words that people use to interact with others or even to think silently are shaping and reshaping their gender identity. Considering the hushed voice of the victims of rape or sexual harassment can also be examined from a different angle. By choosing what to say and to whom they can or cannot talk these people are reinforcing their gender identity and performativity.

To sum it up, the concept of virginity shapes individual's gender identity, and in our daily lives, as we perform our gender identity, we perform virginity too. Individuals face and live the concept of virginity at different levels when they are alone, in the circle of their friends, or interacting with people at the intrapsychic scripts interpersonal script and cultural

scenario.Virginity is performed when people are thinking about anything in their minds, choose a clothes to wear, interact with strangers and so on.

III. Limitations and Suggestions for Further Research

Although this study was based on the narratives of a large number of informants, however, this study lacks the presentation of people from the rural area which do not have the experience of living in the major cities. As this study focuses on the definition, perception, and experience of heterosexual Iranian youths regarding the concept of virginity, further research can be done on the origins of the existing ideas surrounding this concept or the same study can be conducted with the teenagers to explore their ideas on the concept of virginity.

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Appendix

Verbal Consent Script

My name is Azadeh BadieiJaryani. I am a master student from the University of Amsterdam, studying Sociology: Gender, Sexuality and Society. I am conducting a research study on the concept of virginity for my Master’s thesis. The research will help me understand how heterosexual Iranian’s youth perceive the notion of virginity. Today you will be participating in one-to-one in-depth, semi structured interview which should take approximately 60 to 90 minutes. I will ask you questions related to my topic of study from the interview guide list that I’ve prepared. With your permission, our interview will be audio recorded and I may take handwritten noted to record your answers. Your participation is voluntary. There is no explicit or implicit coercion whatsoever to participate. This participation entails no reward or payments of any kind. You can decide to stop at any time, even part-way through the interview for whatever reason.

If you decide to stop participating, there will be no consequences to you.

If you decide to stop, I will ask you how you would like me to handle the data collected up to that point. This could include destroying it or using the data collected up to that point.

If you do not want to answer some of the questions, you do not have to, but you can still be in the study.-

If you have any questions about this study or would like more information you can call or email me at (+98) 9125135569 or badieeazade@gmail.com.

The only risk involved in this study is your identity which can expose the information you are giving to me to others. To minimize the risk of your participation your responses will be completely anonymous as I will assign you pseudonym and your name will not appear anywhere in the final write up. The interview data might only be viewed by the thesis supervisor if needed. If you agree, in cases where I had further questions after the interview, I would like to contact you again.

If you would like a copy of this letter for your records, please let me know and I will send it to you via email.

Do you have any questions or would like any additional details?

Do you agree to participate in this study knowing that you can withdraw at any point with no consequences to you?

Interview Guide

In the beginning, I will introduce myself to the interview, and explain about the topic of my research. To avoid forcing my informant to use the words that I have in mind about the concept of virginity, I would ask my informants about the words or terms that they use to address this issue.

Introduction questions: - How are you? / How was your day? - Can you tell me a little bit about yourself? - How long have you been living in this city? Sexual information: • What do you think of sex education? Why? Have you had any education on sexual issues? • How do you think young adults access sexual information? What do you think about it? • Where do you access your sexual information?

Sexuality: - How do you define sex? What does sex mean to you? - How do you differentiate between sexual contacts and sexual acts? What does any of

these words mean to you? - How do you think that these words shape your ideas regarding what is sex?

Virginity:

- What do you think of virginity? - How do you perceive virginity? - How does virginity play a role in your life? If the interviewee didn’t explain, I would

ask: What does this concept signify? (if it signifies anything at all)? - How do you think your definition of sexual contacts and sexual acts have shaped your

perception of virginity? - Some people before marriage are asked to, or voluntarily get a certificate that indicates

their hymen is intact. What do you think about this procedure and certificate? - Have you heard of hymenoplasty? (If no, I would explain and then ask…; If yes, I

would ask…) What do you think about it?

Personal questions Now I am going to ask you a few personal questions about your sex life. - What do you think of masturbation? Do you or did you masturbate? If yes, how does

that relate to the concept of virginity? If no, why not? - What do you think of tampons? Have you used them? Or do you know someone who

uses them? What is their relation to the concept of virginity for you? - What do you understand by “sexual debut”? Would you call it in any other way? Which

words would you use? - How do you perceive your virginity status? - Do you consider yourself as already having had a sexual debut? Why?

If the person had experienced sexual encounters, I would continue: - How did it happen for the first time? Can you tell me a bit more about it? How old were

you? With whom it happened and how did you perceive it? - Based on their previous answers If the first sexual encounter was not the time that the

informants have had experienced “virginity loss,” then I would continue my question with: How did you lose your virginity (or using the term they use to refer to something similar)? Can you tell me a bit more about it? How old were you? With whom it happened and how did you perceive it?

- Did you talk your sexual partner about how you perceive sex before engaging in it? Why and how?

- How do you think having sex with someone who had never had sexual encounter would make a difference in the way you have sex?

- (If the interviewee is a girl) Have you thought of undergoing hymenoplasty? Why? - Do you know anyone who has undergone or considered getting hymenoplasty? What

was the story of that person? - How open do you consider yourself in regards to expressing to others your sexual

experiences or sexual issues? Why?

For those who had not had their sexual debut/sexual encounters yet: - How do you imagine your sexual debut? What are your ideas towards it? Do you talk

about it with your family/friends?

- How did/do you think it affected/affects/will affect your previous/current/future relationships?

Now I want to ask you about your ideas on how the society treats this topic. - How do you think Iranian society differentiate between the sexual contact and sexual

acts? - How does this differentiation shape their relationships? - How do you think Iranian society perceives the notion of virginity? - What is your opinion on how Iranian society thinks of hymenoplasty?

Now I want to share a few sentences that some people have said. And ask your opinion about them. - There was a discussion on BBC Farsi about the concept of virginity. A woman stated

that asking a virginity certificate is an offense to all the women, while a man said it is exactly like an addiction certificate which most of the women ask for it before marrying a guy. None of them are offensive. What do you think about this?

- In the same discussion, a man said that if they are marrying a woman to whom they have to pay Mehriyeh, then it is their right to ask for a virginity certificate to buy a first-hand object. Nobody wants to pay high for a second-hand object. What is your viewpoint about this statement?

- There was a discussion on Pargar in which the guest pathologist stated that the loss of virginity is harmful to women, particularly in Iran, because even if they are honest with their husbands as soon as something happens, the guy starts to blame the women for it. What is your opinion on this?

- I have talked to a few women, and they have expressed that to them, virginity is like forced hijab. How do you perceive this?

- Iranian scholars believe that the high rate of divorce in Iran is due to not having premarital sex and it’s harmful as the couple doesn't know each other’s body. Do you agree or disagree? Why?

- I have talked to a few men, and they have stated that if they truly love someone, they will not touch that girl in their relationship till they marry. What do you think about it?

Religion: - Would you consider yourself religious? - How does religion play a role in your life? - How do you think religion has influenced your ideas on the concept of virginity?

Closing questions: - Is there something you would like to share that I didn’t ask about? - Is there something you would like to ask me? - What do you think of our interview?

Summary

Throughout the years, virginity has been one of the most controversial concepts in different cultures around the globe. The significance of this concept varies from a place to another. Multiple factors such as religion, context, the social and political stance of the state, communities, and citizens determine the way virginity is defined, perceived and experienced. Iran, with its significant cultural and sociopolitical status, is facing a set of new social changes. Sexuality is one of the most important social taboos that has recently been a subject of transformation. Considering the emphasis of the state and society on the prohibition of premarital cross-gender relationships and visualizing sex within the marriage as the only accepted form of intimate and sexual relationships, many scholars believe premarital sex among heterosexual Iranian youths has increased during the past decade. Unmarried individuals who are non-virgins, particularly the girls, will be shunned and stigmatized by the state and society. It is worth mentioning those who engage in premarital sex are also at the risk of facing legal consequences if they get caught up in action. Many scholars who work on the subject of virginity in Iran have reported a rise in the demand for hymenoplasty among young adults.

Taking the illustrated situation into account, the purpose of this research was to understand the definition, perception, and experiences of young heterosexual adults in Iran regarding the concept of virginity. The second aim of this study was to understand the viewpoint of participants about hymenoplasty. To find answers to my questions, I conducted thirty-eight in-depth, semi-structured face-to-face interviews with both girls and boys between the ages eighteen to thirty-four who identified as heterosexuals in Tehran, Iran. The required data was collected from 28 March 2017 to 7 May 2017. I chose Tehran as the site of this study as this major metropolitan city with over eight million inhabitants is hosting the migrants and people with cultural, social and religious diversities. Moreover, due to the new modernism wave and the influence of the internet, Tehran was a spectacular place to study the social changes towards the subject of sexuality and virginity. As sexuality is a sensitive topic in Iran, the participation of informants in this research was voluntary. I accessed a number of the interviewees through my trusted network in Tehran, and the rest were referred to me by the ones that I had already interviewed.

The theories of Simon and Gagnon (1986) and Laura Carpenter (2001, 2002, 2005, in press) were used in this study to explore the presented ideas and set of experiences of individuals. Carpenter, a leading scholar in the field of virginity, has identified four cognitive frameworks on virginity known as virginity as a gift, stigma, process and an act of worship (2001, 2002, 2005, in press). Along with the stated frameworks, the sexual script theory of Simon and Gagnon (1986) was used to discover the underlying notions of individual's ideas, attitudes, and behaviors. The cultural scenario, interpersonal script and intrapsychic script constitutes the three layered model of the sexual script with which the sexual behaviors of people can be studied in relation to each other at a macro and micro socio-cultural level (1986). Moreover, the theory of Judith Butler on gender identity and performativity assisted me to analyze the everyday experience of informants regarding the concept of virginity. Butler (1990),

refers to gender as a social construction that has existed since we were born. She argues that gender is a set of acts that guides us to the verb of "being" instead of "doing" (Butler, 1990). Additionally, she states that people are performing their identities which do not make any difference if it is a racial, sexual or gender identity (Butler, 1990). Thus, the theory of gender performativity suggests that the gender identity of individuals is shaped by the social norms and identities are constantly performed.

The findings of this study indicate that the definitions, perceptions, and experiences of informants match with the given cognitive frameworks that were presented by Carpenter (2001, 2002, 2005, in press) on virginity. Additionally, three main topics were brought up by the informants in regards to the concept of virginity. Respondents believed 1) patriarchy and inequality, 2) honor, sexual assaults and rape, and 3) hymenoplasty are the most important issues related to the concept of virginity. Therefore, the stated subjects have been explored and analyzed in this thesis. Patriarchy and inequality which were mostly discussed by female informants were considered to be the source of virginity tests for women and the control over female's sexuality. Female interviewees pointed out that in patriarchal societies women are considered as commodities of men. The supremacy of male figures allows them to monitor and control female's sexuality which positions them as the second sex. Honor, sexual assaults, and rape which are the product of patriarchal societies puts men in a position that they feel responsible for the sexual behaviors of their related female figures. Therefore, the reputation of women is what brings disgrace or fortune to their families. Many people are victims of sexual harassment and rapes. However, they keep this unfortunate incident unvoiced as the honor of the family, or their chaste reputation is dependant on it. Although girls are not the only victims of rapes and assaults, boys have also opted to be silent about this subject. The cultural scenario that exists in societies, particularly patriarchal societies, is based on heteronormativity and hegemonic masculinity. Thus, boys and girls choose to leave this subject unspoken. Male and female informants had different attitudes towards hymenoplasty. While the majority of male interviewees were opposed to this surgery, female interviewees voiced their understanding of this phenomenon. Male respondents ethically questioned hymenoplasty and called it a lie. In their opinion faking virginity was harmful to the society. On the other hand, female informants could relate to the girls who would want to undergo this surgery as they could imagine these girls had no other option left. The stated circumstances were studies and analyzed with the application of Butler's theory (1990) leading to the demonstration of how virginity is performed on a daily basis by individuals. Individuals face and live the concept of virginity when they are alone, in the circle of their friends, interacting with people.