The Existence of True Love

The existence of love 1

The Existence of True Love.

Asif Mahtab UtshaEnglish 110, Section 1

A.Q. M. A. RahmanBhuiyan (AQB)


January 20, 2014

Acknowledgements

Firstly, I would like to thank Allah, the most gracious, the most merciful. Then I would like to take the opportunity to thank Professor A.Q.M.A. Rahman Bhuiyan for his endless support and philosophical insights that made it all possible. Miss Adiba Aruzia Faizi for her innovative ideas and literary inputs. Miss Tahmina Tasneem Khanam for her continuous support.I would also like to thank Miss Tunazinna Tunaz for helping me see the extreme contrasts of my perspectives. Arissa Huma Hossain for guiding me through the work. Finally, I would like to thank Shahnaz Parveen for helping me establish a practical ground for my research.


Abstract

Since the time man was able to document informationby means of language, they often documented about a phenomenon known as love. From great philosophers such as Aristotle, Plato to scientists like Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin, to modern actors like Jonny Depp and Anonto Jalil often spoke about love in its truest form. However, in modern times the concept of love seems to contradict the ideas of past and present philosophers. The paper attempts to establish a firm ground on the definition of love and differentiate it from other anthropological human behavior which was previously over generalized and simplified. To do thisI had to prove the notion that love is purely an ideological and psychological concept independent of any physiological aspects.


My research methodology is strictly archival. My hypothesis, modern romance is absent of love, is provencorrect by analyzing data from a wide variety of concepts ranging from literature, anthropology, sociology, and psychology.

Table of Contents

□ Acknowledgement---------------------------------------------

-------------------------- 2


□ Abstract----------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------- 3

□ Introduction------------------------------------------------

------------------------------- 5

□ Background--------------------------------------------------

------------------------------ 6

□ Research

Questions---------------------------------------------------

-------------------- 8

□ Hypothesis--------------------------------------------------

------------------------------- 9

□ Methodology-------------------------------------------------

----------------------------- 10

□ Data presentation and

Analysis----------------------------------------------------

----- 11

□ Summary of research

findings----------------------------------------------------

------ 12


□ Conclusion--------------------------------------------------

------------------------------- 19

□ Appendix

Introduction

"Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, toorude, too boist'rous; and it pricks like thorn."Shakespeare (1591) from his play Romeo and Juliet. “What is love?” it’s a question that has perplexed mankind since they evolved to social beings. It has been one of the oldest ambitions of humanity to unravel this elusive phenomenon known as love. Over thousands of years many attempts have been made to describe it or even quantify it with advent of modern technology. However, these attempts have only lead to incomplete and inconclusive findings.


It is therefore essential to take forwards the works of philosophers and scientists even further in an attempt to answer the most fundamental and important inquiries of all time.With ever increasing social and political turmoil worldwide, lies the necessity to analyzeand research on love as it is considered the instrument for world peace.

Love is a physiological phenomenon where a person constructs an idea in their mind where they defines and reasons their existence on something or someone. The idea states that an individual’s peace of mind is directly related to the satisfaction their love.

The focus of my research will be on how people interpret love in their life and how the idea has changed in modern times. People often confuse their lust for someone and interpret it as love. I would like to know the difference between love and lust, and the impact in failureto recognize love has affected them and the society as a whole. In addition, I would like toknow how much the idea of love has distorted literally and historically. I would like to findthe answer to these questions through my research.


It is quite evident that the concept of love have has mutated and distorted with the follow of time. The question then is how much has it changed and how does that change affect human lives. I hope my research can answer these questions.

Background The perplex phenomenon of love and its nature

is a mystery. Is love a unique fundamental phenomenon or is it a generalized topic that canbe subdivided into many parts? Then there are those who would advise the halt of trying to understanding love altogether and justify their claim by saying that love simply cannot be understood or expressed using human language. Moseley (n.d) states in his online article The Philosophy of love that the “The philosophical discussion regarding love logically begins with questions concerning its nature. This implies that love has a “nature,” a proposition that some may oppose arguing that love is conceptually irrational, in the sense that it cannot be described in rational or meaningful propositions” If this notion is considered correct from a strictly philosophical stand point then that would deny the existence of love


altogether. If something cannot be described meaning fully then it should be described by some other irrational means. Considering the absence of such means would only imply that lovedoesn’t exist. Everything that exist can be described with words and/or defined by numbers. Yet this cannot be the case as love is one of the most common words that is used by the humanssince recorded time. The existence of love then cannot be denied nor should its ability to descriptive ability be questioned.

Love is almost always been over simplified inthe modern times. It is defined as “a feeling ofstrong or constant affection for a person” in the Revised and Updated Illustrated Oxford Dictionary (2007).This definition is fitting from a modern social stand point where love is strictly considered anemotion. Emotion being a physiological phenomenon. This concept is severely flawed frommany stand points. Firstly, considering this definition considered love as roughly love for the opposite sex. This is because the word “affection” has been used. You cannot share affection towards God or an idea; however, it isevident that man is capable of loving God and also loving an. Both of these cannot be quantified. Moseley (n.d) defines in his online


article The Philosophy of love that “Agape refers to the paternal love of God for man and of man for God but is extended to include a brotherly love for all humanity. (The Hebrew ahev has a slightlywider semantic range than agape).Agape arguably draws on elements from both eros and philia in thatit seeks a perfect kind of love that is at once a fondness, a transcending of the particular, and a passion without the necessity of reciprocity. The concept is expanded on in the Judaic-Christian tradition of loving God: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all yourmight” (Deuteronomy 6:5) and loving “thy neighbor as thyself” (Leviticus 19:18).”

Secondly, considering love for the opposite sex in terms of affection alone is inadequate and would do injustice to the concept. From a psychological stand point love has three parts. Psychologist Robert Sternberg proposes that the three components of love are: a decision/ commitment, encompassing the initial cognition that one loves someone and the long term commitment to maintain that love; an intimacy component, encompassing feelings of closeness and affection; and a passion component, related to motivational drive related to sex, physical


closeness and romance (Feldman 1987). Love for the opposite sex have many components. Is it necessary for all these components to work together? Should love for the opposite sex be isolated from other forms of love? Clearly parental love shouldn’t have much to with passion.

Finally, the anthropological perspective of love needs to be understood. Many cultures seemsto restrain any form of physical and emotional connection towards the opposite sex. Some culture ties to implant what to love and what todetest with social pressure. Later then they do start to develop certain extreme affection towards certain belief. Which makes us question whether love is a learned response.

Research Questions1. What is love?2. What is Lust?3. How does love impact human life?4. Is there any difference between love of God, love of parents and love for the opposite sex?


5. How is love being exercised in different cultures?

Hypothesis


Love is a psychological function of the mind;whereas, lust is a physiological phenomenon. In my research I would like to generate a line thatsevere love from lust. Since most people in the modern age only understand love as the physiological relationship between the sexes, I would expect to find most people dependent on feelings and emotions in their relationship. I would also expect to find these relationships short lived. Finally, I would expect to find love as an independent function to lust.


Methodology The primary methodology for my research was

archival. I took historical documents from online sources. I collected data from different documentaries made by television channels and researchers.

I collected the secondary data from differentbooks and online sources, TV channels and through thorough interview.


Data Presentation “There are six types of love: There is personal love between humans, motherly love and love of family and community, love of oneself, Love of something greater then oneself, love of God, andlove for manmade ideologies. So what is love? How can we describe or define such a powerful force? Maybe we can start by examine what love is not. When it comes to interpersonal relationships we often see control games, jealousy and envy. These are behavioral expressions generated from fear and need. This is due to the dependence on emotions in relationships. Emotions are chemical reactions


in the brain that results in a temporary "high".Often people feed of one another to produce this"high", this phenomenon is known as "Psyche Vampirism". Many relationships are based on thisfeeding mechanism and has nothing to do with love” from the documentary Love, Reality, and the Time of Transition (2011).

Love has been classified into six parts. Mostinterpersonal relationship that claims to be based on love are often short lasting. This is due to things like jealousy, envy, and the lack of trust. The short coming of these relationships prove one thing, that they are in fact not based on love. They are based on physiological arousal generated by the biochemical reactions of dopamine and epinephrine. Couples often base their relationships on these hormones as a form of natural drug abuse. The problem with this form of relationship is the fact that dependency is not necessary. The high produced by each partnerof the relationship can easily be replaced by someone else. That someone else can also producethe same “high”. This causes fear in each of thepartners. That fear causes delusions and distrust. This in turn jeopardizes the relationship and makes it ever prone to breakingup. This social phenomenon known as “psyche

https://www.google.com.bd/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CCQQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Ftopdocumentaryfilms.com%2Flove-reality-time-transition%2F&ei=W-zfUoG_KcL5rAfF3YHIDg&usg=AFQjCNHZb9GfraebEAQ6DImvVUpJWYSNRQ&bvm=bv.59568121,d.bmk



vampirism” then cannot be considered love as it is short lived. The basic accepted ideology behind love from literary stand point and cultural stand point is that love must be eternal. Which in this case is not.

“To truly love another person we need to see theother as he/she is without trying to change thatperson. That is the basis for unconditional love, but for that to happen we also need to know ourselves and see us as we truly are, sowe don't fall into the trap of illusory projections which only result in disappointment and hurt once the romantic phase is over. It's about acceptance and consideration, being able to give and receive, to be externally considerate and not expect anything. But beyond personal relationships, the idea of love has also been distorted and used superficially as slogans. It is equated with being positive, open, friendly, not saying or focusing on anything "bad" or "negative", to be always cheerful and have a smile on ones face. Of course there is nothing wrong with kindness and friendliness as well as positivity, but it must be based on truth and reality, not lies, self-calming rationalizations or avoidance, includingpolitical correctness which only leads to

http://cassiopedia.org/glossary/Self_Calming

http://cassiopedia.org/glossary/Self_Calming

http://veilofreality.com/2010/10/29/know-thyself/


complacency and ignorance.” from the documentaryLove, Reality, and the Time of Transition (2011).

The nature of love has always been consideredaltruistic and unconditional. It is the ability to give everything and expect nothing in return.But with the transition of time the sociologicalfunction of love distorted itself and was pulledfrom a philosophical stand point to the physicalrealm with unrealistic projections. It considerslove to be solely a positive function. In reality, human lives consist both positive and negative factors. Considering love only as a positive function would then be superficial an unrealistic. Love encompass negativity to give it an actual meaning and differentiate it from illusionary unrealistic stand point. Love must always be based on truth and not lies.

“Many Societies created a taboo it the overt display of female hair. In some cultures the taboo has been total. No public display of hair



at any time. In others the taboo is partial applied only in sacred context. Here in Saint Petersburg the traditionally long haired Russianwomen entering this Russian unorthodox church are required to cover their hair as an act of humility, although the traditionally short hair men face no restriction. Gender signals, even those that are artificially created can be so potent that it has to be suppressed in non-sexual context.” by Morris (1978) from the documentary the human sexes.

Since love is characterized by altruism and selflessness it is necessary to restrict and suppress feeling from it. Feeling would take away that selfless concept and insert a selfish ideology. That our actions of love are nothing more than selfish gestures to makes our self “feel” good. That is why from an anthropologicalperspective many cultures over time has developed means that restrict gender signals. Religious cultures like Hinduism, Christianity, Islam and Jew followed this trend. With reduced physical exposure they are more likely to fall in love with their partners as who they are and not for their physical attractiveness. Most these cultures focus on covering the female hair. Wolfgang-Kimball (1992) states in his article Pheromones in Humans: Myth or Reality that


“These odors are largely produced by the skin's apocrine sebaceous glands, which develop during puberty and are usually associated with sweat glands and tufts of hair.” Hair secretes pheromones to attract the opposite sex. To prevent this pheromone to defuse into the air the female hair is covered. These methods suppresses sexuality and encourages long term pair bonding, otherwise known as love.

“Sometimes, however, the bond for a partner is so powerful that this doesn’t happen and young wife or husband continue to mourn for their departed loved ones long after all hope islost. Some may never recover. For others it may take years. Here in Krasty prison in Saint Petersburg in Russia a potent illustration of this type of human tragedy is being played out. Inside these ugly walls are men, many of who arecondemned to die for the crimes they have committed. They are pinned in sixteen to a cell so they must take turn to sleep. In these inhumane conditions they have only one thought.


To see their loved ones for just one last time. To do this, they make small holes in their heavyshut windows and then somehow managing to peep down at the road outside. Signaling with their hands, hoping to get even the briefest of glimpses of their wives below. Their fateful wives come here day after day, standing by the side of the road, sending back visual signals oflove to their condemned partners.” by Morris (1978) from the documentary the human sexes.

Here is a classic example of how love triumphs over other human needs. It would be logical for these women to divorce their husbands and move on; however, the women did notdo that but lingered on. This shows the extent of their love for their partners. Even when theyare not being able to communicate or even see them. They still love them. People are capable of love even when they are paralyzed and are incapable of any emotions. These are evidence suggesting that love is a function of the mind; not the brain nor the body.


At about age 3, the phallic stage begins. At this point there is another major shift in the child’s primary source of pleasure. Now the interest focuses on the genitals and the pleasure derived from fondling them. During thistime the child the child must hurdle one of the most important hurdles of personality development. The Oedipal conflict. According to Freud, at this time the male unconsciously begins to develop sexual interest in their mother, starts to see the father as a rival, andharbors a wish to kill his father. (Feldman, 1987, p. 442)

Culturally the love between parent-children has always been considered selfless and without any sort of passion involved. However, the research conducted by Sigmund Fraud gives us an insight that parental relationship has a degree of passion in them. Mother-son, and father-daughter relationship according to Fraud is based on the innate sexual desire.


Agape refers to the paternal love of God for man and of man for God but is extended to include a brotherly love for all humanity. (The Hebrew ahev has a slightly wider semantic range than agape).Agape arguably draws on elements fromboth eros and philia in that it seeks a perfect kind of love that is at once a fondness, a transcending of the particular, and a passion without the necessity of reciprocity. The concept is expanded on in the Judaic-Christian tradition of loving God: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might” (Deuteronomy

http://www.iep.utm.edu/god-west/


6:5) and loving “thy neighbour as thyself” (Leviticus 19:18). The love of God requires absolute devotion that is reminiscent of Plato’slove of Beauty (and Christian translators of Plato such as St. Augustine employed the connections), which involves an erotic passion, awe, and desire that transcends earthly cares and obstacles. Aquinas, on the other hand, picked up on the Aristotelian theories of friendship and love to proclaim God as the most rational being and hence the most deserving of one’s love, respect, and considerations. (Mosely, n.d)

Agape refers to the love of God by men. SinceGod is purely conceptual and has no logical or physical attribute to him, the love of God has no reciprocity. Agape is the perfect kind of love that requires absolute devotion to an entity. Every aspect of life and time must be dedicated towards God. This sort of love often transcends the survival instinct and other natural biological instincts. During the crusades the Cristian crusaders took a vow of celibacy. Then they fought and died for God without any reciprocal expectations.

Agape also covers brotherly love for all of mankind. A certain bond and understanding that

http://www.iep.utm.edu/augustin/


we are a part of a collective being. If one of us is affected, all of us is affected. This too is self-less and has no reciprocity in it. Mother Teresa has spent her life helping mankindhas accepted nothing in return. These are acts of love.

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” (Neruda, 1956)

Literature has always given us an accurate expression of love in its own way. This sonnet expresses being able love without knowing how, or when, or where. This explains the capability of human love that transcends time and space. Itis not necessary to see the person we love or how much time has elapsed since we have not encounter with our loved one. Loving someone should not be something one must take pride in. That would put reciprocity in it and would corrupt the concept of love. Love should be altruistic and there cannot be any other form of


love. The spirituality of love unites two entities and makes them function as one. It is asort of fusion that creates a bond and afterwards the singularity of the individual encompasses of two people. This transition is purely spiritual but it appears as if it physically takes place.

Summary of research findings


My research in finding out the truth behind what love is has led me to discover love as an independent entity, which is characterized by altruism and selflessness. Love is sacrificing oneself without expectation of any reciprocity. It is about dedicating the entire existence on something or someone. On the other hand, anotherphenomenon what is uniquely close to love is lust. It is a form of biological arousal that couples in modern times are dependent on and mistake for love. Research on parental love remains inconclusive. But it is evident that parental love has sexual interest in it. For love to be strictly spiritual and psychological,many cultures tend to take measures to restrict gender signals by various methods.

My research agrees with my hypothesis, which states that love is independent of lust, with the exception of parental love. Parental love seem to have a level of sexual interest in it. Emotionality is often considered love. This alsoagrees with my hypothesis.

My research paper agrees with my hypothesis because the research methodology was archival. The finding was always there. It was mostly justsorting relevant information, compiling and connecting them to one another. Once that was done the research had the most obvious outcome and synced with the hypothesis.


Conclusion

At the end of the day, with all evidence in my hand the conclusion should be pretty straightforward. Love is a complex phenomenon that is related to many other factors such as physiological arousal; however, love is an independent concept, isolated from any of those factors it is related too. This concept is centered on selflessness and sacrifice. Love is not necessarily a common experience that everyone is likely to go through; rather, it is a very rare and special experience that are granted to a very few people. Over generalization of love has distorted literature and cultural traditions. It has also attempted to merge physiological arousal with love as a set. This merger has created problems as the


expectations of love does not meet with arousal alone. Parental love is still a mystery in the world and further research is needed to be done to understand exactly what it is.

References


1. Shakespeare, W. (1567). Romeo and juliet. Retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romeo_and_Juliet

2. Moseley, A. (n.d). Philosophy of love. Retrieved from http://www.iep.utm.edu/love/

3.Davis, C. (2003). Revised and Updated Illustrated Oxford

Dictionary (3rd Ed., 2007). New York, NY: Oxford

University Press.


5. Feldman, R. (1987). Understanding Psychology. (10th ed.,p. 607). New York, NY: McGraw-hill.

6. Cilokin, V. (Producer). (2011). Love, Reality, and the Time of Transition [Web Video]. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YiiCcm6Fl4

7. Cilokin, V. (Producer). (2011). Love, Reality, and the Time of Transition [Web Video]. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YiiCcm6Fl4

8. Morris, D. (Producer). (1978). The human sexes [Web Video]. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWFuwmi-gs4

9. Morris, D. (Producer). (1978). The human sexes [Web Video]. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWFuwmi-gs4

10. Feldman, R. (1987). Understanding Psychology. (10thed., p. 442). New York, NY: McGraw-hill.


http://www.iep.utm.edu/love/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWFuwmi-gs4




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YiiCcm6Fl4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YiiCcm6Fl4



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romeo_and_Juliet


12. Naruda, P. (1956). 100 love sonnets. Retrieved fromhttp://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/9295-cien-sonetos-de-amor

The Existence of True Love

Documents

Transcript of The Existence of True Love