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NewMoonbyStephenieMeyer

Contents

PREFACE1.PARTY2STITCHES3.THEENDOCTOBERNOVEMBERDECEMBERJANUARY4.WAKINGUP5.CHEATER6.FRIENDS7.REPETITION8.ADRENALINE9.THIRDWHEEL10.THEMEADOW11.CULT12.INTRUDER13.KILLER14.FAMILY15.PRESSURE16.PARIS17.VISITOR18.THEFUNERAL19.HATE20.VOLTERRA21.VERDICT22.FLIGHT23.THETRUTH24.VOTEEPILOGUETREATY

Textcopyright©2006byStephenieMeyerAllrightsreserved

Little,BrownardCompanyHachetteBookGroupUSA

1271 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020 Visit our Web site atwww.lbteenscomFirstEditionSeptember2006Thecharactersandeventsportrayedinthisbookarefictitious.Anysimilaritytorealpersons,livingordead,iscoincidentalandnotintendedbytheauthorMeyer,Stephenie,1973–NewMoonanovel/b)StephemeMeyer–1stedpcm

SummaryWhentheCullens, includingherbelovedEdward, leaveForksratherthan risk revealing that they are vampires, it is almost toomuch for eighteen-year-oldBellatobear,butshefindssolaceinherfriendJacobuntilheisdrawnintoacultandchangesinterribleways

ISBN-13978-0316-16019-3ISBN-100-316-16019-9

[1Vampires–Fiction2Werewolves–Fiction3Highschools–Fiction4Schools–Fiction5Washington(State)–Fiction]1TitlePZ7M57188New2006[Fic]–dc222006012309

10987654321Q-FFPrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica

Formy dad, StephenMorgan –Noone has ever been givenmore loving andunconditionalsupportthanIhavebeengivenbyyou.Iloveyou,too.

TheseviolentdelightshaveviolentendsAnd in their triumphdie, like fireandpowder,Which,astheykiss,consume.RomeoandJuliet,ActII,SceneVIPREFACE

I FELT LIKE I WAS TRAPPED IN ONE OF THOSE TERRIFYINGnightmares, the onewhere you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but youcan'tmakeyourbodymove fastenough.My legsseemed tomoveslowerandslowerasIfoughtmywaythroughthecallouscrowd,butthehandsonthehugeclocktowerdidn'tslow.Withrelentless,uncaringforce, theyturnedinexorablytowardtheend–theendofeverything.

Butthiswasnodream,and,unlikethenightmare,Iwasn'trunningformylife;Iwasracingtosavesomethinginfinitelymoreprecious.Myownlifemeantlittletometoday.

Alice had said therewas a good chancewewould both die here. Perhaps theoutcomewouldbedifferentifsheweren'ttrappedbythebrilliantsunlight;onlyIwasfreetorunacrossthisbright,crowdedsquare.

AndIcouldn'trunfastenough.

So it didn't matter to me that we were surrounded by our extraordinarilydangerousenemies.Astheclockbegantotolloutthehour,vibratingunderthesoles of my sluggish feet, I knew I was too late–and I was glad somethingbloodthirstywaitedinthewings.Forinfailingat this,Iforfeitedanydesiretolive.

Theclocktolledagain,andthesunbeatdownfromtheexactcenterpointofthesky.1.PARTYIWASNINETY-NINEPOINTNINEPERCENTSUREIWASdreaming.

ThereasonsIwassocertainwerethat,first,Iwasstandinginabrightshaftofsunlight–the kind of blinding clear sun that never shone on my drizzly newhometown in Forks, Washington–and second, I was looking at my GrandmaMarie.Granhadbeendeadforsixyearsnow,sothatwassolidevidencetowardthedreamtheory.

Granhadn't changedmuch; her face looked just the same as I remembered it.

The skin was soft and withered, bent into a thousand tiny creases that clunggentlytotheboneunderneath.Likeadriedapricot,butwithapuffofthickwhitehairstandingoutinacloudaroundit.

Ourmouths–hersawizenedpicker–spreadintothesamesurprisedhalf-smileatjustthesametime.Apparently,shehadn'tbeenexpectingtoseeme,either.

Iwasabouttoaskheraquestion;Ihadsomany–Whatwasshedoinghereinmycream?Whathadshebeenuptointhepastsixyears?WasPopokay,andhadtheyfoundeachother,wherever theywere?–butsheopenedhermouthwhenIdid,soIstoppedtolethergofirst.Shepaused,too,andthenweGothsmiledatthelittleawkwardness.

"Bella!"

Itwasn'tGranwhocalledmyname,andweboth turned tosee theaddition tooursmallreunion.Ididn'thavetolooktoknowwhoitwas;thiswasavoiceIwouldknowanywhere–know,andrespondto,whetherIwasawakeorasleep…orevendead, I'dbet.Thevoice I'dwalk throughfire for–or, lessdramatically,slosheverydaythroughthecoldandendlessrainfor.

Edward.

EventhoughIwasalwaysthrilledtoseehim–consciousorotherwise–andeventhoughIwasalmostpositivethatIwasdreaming,IpanickedasEdwardwalkedtowardusthroughtheglaringsunlight.

IpanickedbecauseGrandidn'tknowthatIwasinlovewithavampire–nobodyknewthat–sohowwasIsupposedtoexplainthefactthatthebrilliantsunbeamswereshatteringoffhisskinintoathousandrainbowshardslikehewasmadeofcrystalordiamond?

Well,Gran,yonmighthavenoticedthatmyboyfriendglitters.It'sjustsomethinghedoesinthesun.Don'tworryaboutit…

Whatwashedoing?ThewholereasonhelivedinForks,therainiestplaceintheworld, was so that he could be outside in the daytime without exposing hisfamily's secret.Yet herehewas, strollinggracefully towardme–with themostbeautifulsmileonhisangel'sface–asifIweretheonlyonehere.

Inthatsecond,IwishedthatIwasnottheoneexceptiontohismysterioustalent;IusuallyfeltgratefulthatIwastheonlypersonwhosethoughtshecouldn'thearjustasclearlyasiftheywerespokenaloud.ButnowIwishedhecouldhearme,too,sothathecouldhearthewarningIwasscreaminginmyhead.

IshotapanickedglancebackatGran,andsawthatitwastoolate.Shewasjustturningtostarebackatme,hereyesasalarmedasmine.Edward–stillsmilingsobeautifullythatmyheartfeltlikeitwasgoingtoswellupandburst throughmychest–puthis armaroundmy shoulder and turned tofacemygrandmother.

Gran'sexpressionsurprisedme.Insteadoflookinghorrified,shewasstaringatme sheepishly, as if waiting for a scolding. And she was standing in such astrangeposition–onearmheldawkwardlyawayfromherbody,stretchedoutandthencurledaroundtheair.LikeshehadherarmaroundsomeoneIcouldn'tsee,someoneinvisible…

Onlythen,asIlookedatthebiggerpicture,didInoticethehugegiltframethatenclosed my grandmother's form. Uncomprehending, I raised the hand thatwasn't wrapped around Edward's waist and reached out to touch her. Shemimickedthemovementexactly,mirroredit.Butwhereourfingersshouldhavemet,therewasnothingbutcoldglass…

With a dizzying jolt, my dream abruptly became a nightmare. There was noGran.Thatwasme.Meinamirror.Me–ancient,creased,andwithered.Edwardstood beside me, casting no reflection, excruciatingly lovely and foreverseventeen. He pressed his icy, perfect lips against my wasted cheek. "Happybirthday,"hewhispered.

Iwokewithastart–myeyelidspoppingopenwide–andgasped.Dullgraylight,thefamiliar lightofanovercastmorning, took theplaceof theblindingsun inmydream.

Justadream,Itoldmyself.Itwasonlyadream.Itookadeepbreath,andthenjumpedagainwhenmyalarmwentoff.The littlecalendar in thecornerof theclock'sdisplayinformedmethattodaywasSeptemberthirteenth.

Onlyadream,butpropheticenoughinoneway,atleast.Todaywasmybirthday.Iwasofficiallyeighteenyearsold.

I'd been dreading this day for months. All through the perfect summer–thehappiestsummerIhadeverhad,thehappiestsummeranyoneanywherehadeverhad,andtherainiestsummerinthehistoryoftheOlympicPeninsula–thisbleakdatehadlurkedinambush,waitingtospring.

Andnowthat ithadhit, itwasevenworsethanI'dfeareditwouldbe.Icouldfeel it–I was older. Every day I got older, but this was different, worse,quantifiable.Iwaseighteen.AndEdwardneverwouldbe.

WhenIwenttobrushmyteeth,Iwasalmostsurprisedthatthefaceinthemirrorhadn'tchanged.Istaredatmyself,lookingforsomesignofimpendingwrinklesinmyivoryskin.Theonlycreasesweretheonesonmyforehead,though,andIknew that if I could manage to relax, they would disappear. I couldn't. Myeyebrowsstayedlodgedinaworriedlineovermyanxiousbrowneyes.

Itwasjustadream,Iremindedmyselfagain.Justadream…butalsomyworstnightmare.

Iskippedbreakfast, inahurry togetoutof thehouseasquicklyaspossible. Iwasn'tentirelyabletoavoidmydad,andsoIhadtospendafewminutesactingcheerful.IhonestlytriedtobeexcitedaboutthegiftsI'daskedhimnottogetme,buteverytimeIhadtosmile,itfeltlikeImightstartcrying.

I struggled toget agriponmyself as I drove to school.ThevisionofGran–Iwouldnot think of it as me–was hard to get out of my head. I couldn't feelanything but despair until I pulled into the familiar parking lot behind ForksHighSchoolandspottedEdwardleaningmotionlesslyagainsthispolishedsilverVolvo,likeamarbletributetosomeforgottenpagangodofbeauty.Thedreamhad not done him justice. And hewaswaiting there forme, just the same aseveryotherday.

Despair momentarily vanished; wonder took its place. Even after half a yearwithhim,Istillcouldn'tbelievethatIdeservedthisdegreeofgoodfortune.HissisterAlicewasstandingbyhisside,waitingforme,too.

OfcourseEdwardandAliceweren'treallyrelated(inForksthestorywasthatalltheCullensiblingswereadoptedbyDr.CarlisleCullerandhiswife,Esme,bothplainly too young to have teenage children), but their skin was precisely thesamepaleshade,theireyeshadthesamestrangegoldentint,withthesamedeep,bruise-like shadows beneath them. Her face, like his, was also startlinglybeautiful.Tosomeonein theknow–someonelikeme–thesesimilaritiesmarkedthemforwhattheywere.

ThesightofAlicewaitingthere–hertawnyeyesbrilliantwithexcitement,andasmallsilver-wrappedsquareinherhands–mademefrown.I'dtoldAliceIdidn'twantanything,anything,notgiftsorevenattention,formybirthday.Obviously,mywisheswerebeingignored.I slammed the door ofmy '53 Chevy truck–a shower of rust specks fluttereddownto thewetblacktop–andwalkedslowly towardwhere theywaited.Aliceskippedforwardtomeetme,herpixiefaceglowingunderherspikyblackhair.

"Happybirthday,Bella!""Shh!"Ihissed,glancingaroundthelottomakesurenoonehadheardher.ThelastthingIwantedwassomekindofcelebrationoftheblackevent.She ignoredme. "Doyouwant toopenyourpresentnowor later?" sheaskedeagerlyaswemadeourwaytowhereEdwardstillwaited."Nopresents,"Iprotestedinamumble.Shefinallyseemed toprocessmymood."Okay…later, then.Didyou like thescrapbookyourmomsentyou?AndthecamerafromCharlie?"

I sighed.Of course shewouldknowwhatmybirthdaypresentswere.Edwardwasn't the only member of his family with unusual skills. Alice would have"seen"whatmyparentswereplanningassoonasthey'ddecidedthatthemselves.

"Yeah.They'regreat.""I thinkit'saniceidea.You'reonlyasenioronce.Mightaswelldocumenttheexperience.""Howmanytimeshaveyoubeenasenior?""That'sdifferent."

WereachedEdward then,andheheldouthishandformine. I took iteagerly,forgetting,foramoment,myglummood.Hisskinwas,asalways,smooth,hard,and very cold. He gavemy fingers a gentle squeeze. I looked into his liquidtopa2eyes,andmyheartgaveanot-quite-so-gentlesqueezeofitsown.Hearingthestutterinmyheartbeats,hesmiledagain.

He liftedhis freehandand tracedonecool fingertiparound theoutsideofmylips as he spoke. "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happybirthday, is thatcorrect?""Yes.That iscorrect." Icouldneverquitemimic theflow of his perfect, formal articulation. It was something that could only bepickedupinanearliercentury."Just checking."He ran his hand through his tousled bronze hair. "Youmighthavechangedyourmind.Mostpeopleseemtoenjoy things likebirthdaysandgifts."

Alice laughed, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime. "Of course you'llenjoyit.Everyoneissupposedtobenicetoyoutodayandgiveyouyourway,Bella.What'stheworstthatcouldhappen?"Shemeantitasarhetoricalquestion."Gettingolder,"Iansweredanyway,andmyvoicewasnotassteadyasIwantedittobe.

Besideme,Edward'ssmiletightenedintoahardline."Eighteenisn'tveryold,"Alicesaid."Don'twomenusuallywaittillthey'retwenty-ninetogetupsetoverbirthdays?"

"It'solderthanEdward,"Imumbled.Hesighed."Technically,"shesaid,keepinghertonelight."Justbyonelittleyear,though."

AndIsupposed…ifIcouldbesureofthefutureIwanted,surethatIwouldgettospendforeverwithEdward,andAliceandtherestoftheCullens(preferablynotasawrinkledlittleoldlady)…thenayearortwoonedirectionortheotherwouldn'tmattertomesomuch.ButEdwardwasdeadsetagainstanyfuturethatchangedme.Anyfuturethatmademelikehim–thatmademeimmortal,too.

Animpasse,hecalledit.Icouldn'treallyseeEdward'spoint,tobehonest.Whatwas so great aboutmortality?Being a vampire didn't look like such a terriblething–not the way the Cullens did it, anyway. "What time will you be at thehouse?"Alicecontinued,changingthesubject.Fromherexpression,shewasuptoexactlythekindofthingI'dbeenhopingtoavoid.

"Ididn'tknowIhadplanstobethere.""Oh,be fair,Bella!"shecomplained."Youaren'tgoing to ruinallour fun likethat,areyou?""IthoughtmybirthdaywasaboutwhatIwant.""I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," Edward told her, ignoring mealtogether."Ihavetowork,"Iprotested.

"You don't, actually,"Alice toldme smugly. "I already spoke toMrs.Newtonaboutit.She'stradingyourshifts.Shesaidtotellyou'HappyBirthday.'""I–I still can't come over," I stammered, scrambling for an excuse. "I, well, Ihaven'twatchedRomeoandJulietyetforEnglish."Alicesnorted."YouhaveRomeoandJulietmemorized.""ButMr.Berty saidweneeded to see itperformed to fullyappreciate it–that'showShakespeareintendedittobepresented."

Edward rolled his eyes. "You've already seen themovie,"Alice accused. "Butnotthenineteen-sixtiesversion.Mr.Bertysaiditwasthebest."

Finally,Alicelostthesmugsmileandglaredatme."Thiscanbeeasy,orthiscanbehard,Bella,butonewayortheother–"Edward interruptedher threat. "Relax,Alice. IfBellawants towatchamovie,thenshecan.It'sherbirthday."

"Sothere,"Iadded."I'llbringheroveraroundseven,"hecontinued."Thatwillgiveyoumoretimetosetup."

Alice'slaughterchimedagain."Soundsgood.Seeyoutonight,Bella!It'llbefun,you'llsee."Shegrinned–thewidesmileexposedallherperfect,glisteningteeth–

thenpeckedmeonthecheekanddancedofftowardherfirstclassbeforeIcouldrespond.

"Edward, please–" I started to beg, but he pressed one cool finger tomy lips."Let'sdiscussitlater.We'regoingtobelateforclass."

No one bothered to stare at us as we took our usual seats in the back of theclassroom(wehadalmosteveryclass togethernow–itwasamazing the favorsEdward couldget the female administrators todo for him).Edward and I hadbeen together too long now to be an object of gossip anymore. Even MikeNewtondidn'tbothertogivemetheglumstarethatusedtomakemefeelalittleguilty.Hesmilednowinstead,andIwasgladheseemedtohaveacceptedthatwecouldonlybefriends.Mikehadchangedoverthesummer–hisfacehadlostsome of the roundness, making his cheekbones more prominent, and he waswearing his pale blond hair a new way; instead of bristly, it was longer andgelled intoacarefullycasualdisarray. Itwaseasy to seewherehis inspirationcamefrom–butEdward'slookwasn'tsomethingthatcouldbeachievedthroughimitation.

Asthedayprogressed,IconsideredwaystogetoutofwhateverwasgoingdownattheCullenhousetonight.ItwouldbebadenoughtohavetocelebratewhenIwas in the mood to mourn. But, worse than that, this was sure to involveattentionandgifts.

Attentionisneveragoodthing,asanyotheraccident-proneklutzwouldagree.Noonewantsaspotlightwhenthey'relikelytofallontheirface.And I'd very pointedly asked–well, ordered really–that no one give me anypresents thisyear. It looked likeCharlieandReneeweren't theonlyoneswhohaddecidedtooverlookthat.

I'dneverhadmuchmoney,andthathadneverbotheredme.Reneehadraisedmeonakindergartenteacher'ssalary.Charliewasn'tgettingrichathisjob,either–hewas thepolice chiefhere in the tiny townofForks.Myonlypersonal incomecamefromthethreedaysaweekIworkedatthelocalsportinggoodsstore.Inatown this small, Iwas lucky tohavea job.Everypenny Imadewent intomymicroscopiccollegefund.(CollegewasPlanB.IwasstillhopingforPlanA,butEdwardwasjustsostubbornaboutleavingmehuman…)

Edwardhadalotofmoney–Ididn'tevenwanttothinkabouthowmuch.MoneymeantnexttonothingtoEdwardortherestoftheCullens.Itwasjustsomethingthataccumulatedwhenyouhadunlimitedtimeonyourhandsandasisterwhohadanuncannyabilitytopredicttrendsinthestockmarket.Edwarddidn'tseem

tounderstandwhy Iobjected tohim spendingmoneyonme–why itmademeuncomfortableifhetookmetoanexpensiverestaurantinSeattle,whyhewasn'tallowedtobuymeacarthatcouldreachspeedsoverfifty-fivemilesanhour,orwhyIwouldn'tlethimpaymycollegetuition(hewasridiculouslyenthusiasticaboutPlanB).EdwardthoughtIwasbeingunnecessarilydifficult.

ButhowcouldIlethimgivemethingswhenIhadnothingtoreciprocatewith?He,forsomeunfathomablereason,wantedtobewithme.Anythinghegavemeontopofthatjustthrewusmoreoutofbalance.

Asthedaywenton,neitherEdwardnorAlicebroughtmybirthdayupagain,andIbegantorelaxalittle.Wesatatourusualtableforlunch.

Astrangekindoftruceexistedatthattable.Thethreeofus–Edward,Alice,andI–sat on the extreme southern end of the table. Now that the "older" andsomewhat scarier (in Emmett's case, certainly) Cullen siblings had graduated,Alice andEdwarddid not seemquite so intimidating, andwedid not sit herealone. My other friends, Mike and Jessica (who were in the awkward post-breakupfriendshipphase),AngelaandBen(whoserelationshiphadsurvivedthesummer), Eric, Conner, Tyler, and Lauren (though that last one didn't reallycount in the friend category) all sat at the same table, on the other side of aninvisibleline.ThatlinedissolvedonsunnydayswhenEdwardandAlicealwaysskippedschool,andthentheconversationwouldswellouteffortlesslytoincludeme.

EdwardandAlicedidn'tfindthisminorostracismoddorhurtfulthewayIwouldhave. They barely noticed it. People always felt strangely ill at easewith theCullens,almostafraidforsomereasontheycouldn'texplaintothemselves.Iwasa rare exception to that rule. Sometimes it bothered Edward how verycomfortableIwaswithbeingclosetohim.Hethoughthewashazardoustomyhealth–anopinionIrejectedvehementlywheneverhevoicedit.

Theafternoonpassedquickly.Schoolended,andEdwardwalkedmetomytruckasheusuallydid.Butthistime,heheldthepassengerdooropenforme.Alicemusthavebeentakinghiscarhomesothathecouldkeepmefrommakingarunforit.

I foldedmy arms andmadenomove toget out of the rain. "It'smybirthday,don'tIgettodrive?"

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished." "If it's not my

birthday,thenIdon'thavetogotoyourhousetonight…"

"Allright."Heshutthepassengerdoorandwalkedpastmetoopenthedriver'sside."Happybirthday.""Shh,"Ishushedhimhalfheartedly.Iclimbedintheopeneddoor,wishinghe'dtakentheotheroffer.

Edward playedwith the radiowhile I drove, shaking his head in disapproval."Yourradiohashorriblereception."

I frowned. Ididn't like itwhenhepickedonmy truck.The truckwasgreat–ithadpersonality.

"Youwantanicestereo?Driveyourowncar." IwassonervousaboutAlice'splans,ontopofmyalreadygloomymood,thatthewordscameoutsharperthanI'dmeantthem.Iwashardlyeverbad-temperedwithEdward,andmytonemadehimpresshislipstogethertokeepfromsmiling.

WhenIparkedinfrontofCharlie'shouse,hereachedovertotakemyfaceinhishands.Hehandledmeverycarefully,pressingjustthetipsofhisfingerssoftlyagainst my temples, my cheekbones, my jawline. Like I was especiallybreakable.Whichwasexactlythecase–comparedwithhim,atleast.

"You should be in a goodmood, today of all days," hewhispered.His sweetbreathfannedacrossmyface.

"AndifIdon'twanttobeinagoodmood?"Iasked,mybreathinguneven.Hisgoldeneyessmoldered."Toobad."

Myheadwasalreadyspinningbythetimeheleanedcloserandpressedhisicylipsagainstmine.Asheintended,nodoubt,Iforgotallaboutmyworries,andconcentratedonrememberinghowtoinhaleandexhale.

Hismouth lingeredonmine, cold and smooth andgentle, until Iwrappedmyarms around his neck and threw myself into the kiss with a little too muchenthusiasm. I could feel his lips curve upward as he let go of my face andreachedbacktounlockmygriponhim.

Edward had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship, with theintentbeingtokeepmealive.ThoughIrespectedtheneedformaintainingasafedistancebetweenmyskinandhis razor-sharp,venom-coated teeth, I tended toforgetabouttrivialthingslikethatwhenhewaskissingme."Begood,please,"hebreathedagainstmycheek.Hepressedhis lipsgently tomineonemoretimeandthenpulledaway,foldingmyarmsacrossmystomach.

Mypulsewas thudding inmyears. Iputonehandovermyheart. Itdrummedhyperactivelyundermypalm."DoyouthinkI'llevergetbetterat this?"Iwondered,mostlytomyself."Thatmy heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever youtouchme?"

"I really hopenot," he said, a bit smug. I rolledmyeyes. "Let's gowatch theCapulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?" "Your wish, mycommand."

Edward sprawled across the couch while I started the movie, fast-forwardingthroughtheopeningcredits.

When Iperchedon the edgeof the sofa in frontofhim,hewrappedhis armsaround my waist and pulled me against his chest. It wasn't exactly ascomfortable as a sofa cushion would be, what with his chest being hard andcold–andperfect–asanicesculpture,butitwasdefinitelypreferable.Hepulledthe old afghan off the back of the couch and draped it overme so Iwouldn'tfreezebesidehisbody.

"Youknow, I'veneverhadmuchpatiencewithRomeo,"hecommentedas themovie started. "What'swrongwithRomeo?" I asked, a littleoffended.Romeowasoneofmyfavoritefictionalcharacters.UntilI'dmetEdward,I'dsortofhadathingforhim.

"Well, firstofall,he's in lovewith thisRosaline–don'tyou think itmakeshimseemalittlefickle?Andthen,afewminutesaftertheirwedding,hekillsJuliet'scousin.That'snotverybrilliant.Mistakeaftermistake.Couldhehavedestroyedhisownhappinessanymorethoroughly?"

Isighed."Doyouwantmetowatchthisalone?""No,I'llmostlybewatchingyou,anyway."Hisfingerstracedpatternsacrosstheskinofmyarm,raisinggoosebumps."Willyoucry?"

"Probably,"Iadmitted,"ifI'mpayingattention.""I won't distract you then." But I felt his lips on my hair, and it was verydistracting.

The movie eventually captured my interest, thanks in large part to Edwardwhispering Romeo's lines in my ear–his irresistible, velvet voice made theactor's voice sound weak and coarse by comparison. And I did cry, to hisamusement,whenJulietwokeandfoundhernewhusbanddead."I'lladmit,Idosortofenvyhimhere,"Edwardsaid,dryingthetearswithalock

ofmyhair.

"She'sverypretty."

He made a disgusted sound. "I don't envy him the girl–just the ease of thesuicide," he clarified in a teasing tone. "You humans have it so easy!All youhavetodoisthrowdownonetinyvialofplantextracts…"

"What?"Igasped.

"It'ssomethingIhadtothinkaboutonce,andIknewfromCarlisle'sexperiencethatitwouldn'tbesimple.I'mnotevensurehowmanywaysCarlisletriedtokillhimself in the beginning… after he realized what he'd become…" His voice,whichhadgrownserious,turnedlightagain."Andhe'sclearlystillinexcellenthealth."

I twistedaroundso that Icouldreadhis face."Whatareyou talkingabout?" Idemanded."Whatdoyoumean,thissomethingyouhadtothinkaboutonce?"

"Lastspring,whenyouwere…nearlykilled…"Hepausedtotakeadeepbreath,snuggling to return to his teasing tone. "Of course I was trying to focus onfinding you alive, but part ofmymindwasmaking contingency plans.Like Isaid,it'snotaseasyformeasitisforahuman."

Foronesecond,thememoryofmylasttriptoPhoenixwashedthroughmyheadandmademefeeldizzy. Icouldsee itall soclearly–theblindingsun, theheatwavescomingofftheconcreteasIranwithdesperatehastetofindthesadisticvampirewhowantedtotorturemetodeath.James,waitinginthemirroredroomwithmymotherashishostage–orsoI'dthought.Ihadn'tknownitwasallaruse.JustasJameshadn'tknownthatEdwardwasracingtosaveme;Edwardmadeitintime,butithadbeenacloseone.Unthinkingly,myfingerstracedthecrescent-shapedscaronmyhandthatwasalwaysjustafewdegreescoolerthantherestofmyskin.

Ishookmyhead–asifIcouldshakeawaythebadmemories–andtriedtograspwhatEdwardmeant.Mystomachplungeduncomfortably."Contingencyplans?"Irepeated.

"Well,Iwasn'tgoingtolivewithoutyou."Herolledhiseyesasifthatfactwerechildishlyobvious."But Iwasn't surehowtodo it–IknewEmmettandJasperwould never help… so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and dosomethingtoprovoketheVolturi."

I didn't want to believe he was serious, but his golden eyes were brooding,

focusedonsomethingfarawayinthedistanceashecontemplatedwaystoendhisownlife.Abruptly,Iwasfurious.

"WhatisaVolturi?"Idemanded.

"TheVolturiareafamily,"heexplained,hiseyesstillremote."Averyold,verypowerfulfamilyofourkind.Theyaretheclosestthingourworldhastoaroyalfamily, I suppose. Carlisle livedwith them briefly in his early years, in Italy,beforehesettledinAmerica–doyourememberthestory?"

"OfcourseIremember."

IwouldneverforgetthefirsttimeI'dgonetohishome,thehugewhitemansionburieddeepintheforestbesidetheriver,ortheroomwhereCarlisle–Edward'sfatherinsomanyrealways–keptawallofpaintingsthatillustratedhispersonalhistory.Themostvivid,mostwildlycolorfulcanvasthere,thelargest,wasfromCarlisle's time in Italy.Ofcourse I remembered thecalmquartetofmen,eachwiththeexquisitefaceofaseraph,paintedintothehighestbalconyoverlookingtheswirlingmayhemofcolor.Thoughthepaintingwascenturiesold,Carlisle–the blond angel–remained unchanged. And I remembered the three others,Carlisle'searlyacquaintances.Edwardhadneverused thenameVolturi for thebeautiful trio, twoblack-haired,onesnowwhite.He'dcalled themAro,Caius,andMarcus,nighttimepatronsofthearts…

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," Edward went on, interrupting rayreverie."Notunlessyouwanttodie–orwhateveritiswedo."Hisvoicewassocalm,itmadehimsoundalmostboredbytheprospect.

Myangerturnedtohorror.Itookhismarblefacebetweenmyhandsandhelditverytightly."Youmustnever,never,neverthinkofanythinglikethatagain!"Isaid. "Nomatter whatmight ever happen tome, you are not allowed to hurtyourself!""I'llneverputyouindangeragain,soit'samootpoint."

"Putmeindanger!Ithoughtwe'destablishedthatallthebadluckismyfault?"Iwasgettingangrier."Howdareyoueventhinklikethat?"TheideaofEdwardceasingtoexist,evenifIweredead,wasimpossiblypainful.

"Whatwouldyoudo,ifthesituationwerereversed?"heasked."That'snotthesamething."Hedidn'tseemtounderstandthedifference.Hechuckled.

"Whatifsomethingdidhappentoyou?"Iblanchedatthethought."Wouldyou

wantmetogooffmyself?"

Atraceofpaintouchedhisperfectfeatures."IguessIseeyourpoint…alittle,"headmitted."ButwhatwouldIdowithoutyou?" "Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated yourexistence." He sighed. "Youmake that sound so easy." "It should be. I'm notreallythatinteresting."

Hewas about to argue, but then he let it go. "Moot point," he remindedme.Abruptly, he pulled himself up into amore formal posture, shiftingme to thesidesothatwewerenolongertouching.

"Charlie?"Iguessed.Edwardsmiled.Afteramoment,Iheardthesoundofthepolicecruiserpullingintothedriveway.Ireachedoutandtookhishandfirmly.My dad could deal with that much. Charlie came in with a pizza box in hishands."Hey,kids."Hegrinnedatme."Ithoughtyou'dlikeabreakfromcookingandwashingdishesforyourbirthday.Hungry?""Sure.Thanks,Dad."Charliedidn'tcommentonEdward'sapparent lackofappetite.Hewasused toEdwardpassingondinner."DoyoumindifIborrowBellafor theevening?"EdwardaskedwhenCharlieandIweredone.

IlookedatCharliehopefully.Maybehehadsomeconceptofbirthdaysasstay-at-home, family affairs–thiswasmy first birthdaywith him, the first birthdaysincemymom, Renee, had remarried and gone to live in Florida, so I didn'tknowwhathewouldexpect.

"That's fine–theMariners are playing theSox tonight,"Charlie explained, andmyhopedisappeared."SoIwon'tbeanykindofcompany…Here."Hescoopedup the camera he'd gotten me on Renee's suggestion (because I would needpicturestofillupmyscrapbook),andthrewittome.

Heoughttoknowbetterthanthat–I'dalwaysbeencoordinationallychallenged.The camera glanced off the tip of my finger, and tumbled toward the floor.Edwardsnaggeditbeforeitcouldcrashontothelinoleum.

"Nice save," Charlie noted. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullens'tonight,Bella,youshouldtakesomepictures.Youknowhowyourmothergets–she'llbewantingtoseethepicturesfasterthanyoucantakethem."

"Goodidea,Charlie,"Edwardsaid,handingmethecamera.IturnedthecameraonEdward,andsnappedthefirstpicture."Itworks."

"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while."Charlie'smouthpulleddownatonecorner.

"It'sbeenthreedays,Dad,"Iremindedhim.CharliewascrazyaboutAlice.He'dbecome attached last spring when she'd helped me through my awkwardconvalescence;Charliewouldbefore'tergratefultoherforsavinghimfromthehorrorofanalmost-adultdaughterwhoneededhelpshowering."I'lltellher."

"Okay. You kids have fun tonight." It was clearly a dismissal. Charlie wasalreadyedgingtowardthelivingroomandtheTV.Edward smiled, triumphant, and took my hand to pull me from the kitchen.Whenwegottothetruck,heopenedthepassengerdoorformeagain,andthistimeIdidn'targue.Istillhadahardtimefindingtheobscureturnofftohishouseinthedark.EdwarddrovenorththroughForks,visiblychafingatthespeedlimitenforcedbymyprehistoricChevy.Theenginegroanedevenlouderthanusualashepusheditoverfifty.

"Takeiteasy,"Iwarnedhim."Youknowwhatyouwould love?Anice littleAudicoupe.Veryquiet, lotsofpower…"

"There'snothingwrongwithmytruck.Andspeakingofexpensivenonessentials,if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthdaypresents."

"Notadime,"hesaidvirtuously."Good.""Canyoudomeafavor?""Thatdependsonwhatitis."

He sighed, his lovely face serious. "Bella, the last real birthday anyof us hadwas Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight.They'reallveryexcited."

It always startled me a little when he brought up things like that. "Fine, I'llbehave.""Iprobablyshouldwarnyou…""Pleasedo.""WhenIsaythey'reallexcited…Idomeanallofthem."

"Everyone?"Ichoked."IthoughtEmmettandRosaliewereinAfrica."TherestofForkswasundertheimpressionthattheolderCullenshadgoneofftocollegethisyear,toDartmouth,butIknewbetter."Emmettwantedtobehere."

"But…Rosalie?""Iknow,Bella.Don'tworry,she'llbeonherbestbehavior."

I didn't answer.Like I could justnotworry, that easy.UnlikeAlice,Edward'sother "adopted" sister, the golden blond and exquisite Rosalie, didn't like memuch.Actually, the feelingwasa littlebit stronger than justdislike.As far asRosaliewasconcerned,Iwasanunwelcomeintruderintoherfamily'ssecretlife.

I felt horribly guilty about the present situation, guessing that Rosalie andEmmett's prolonged absence was my fault, even as I furtively enjoyed nothavingtoseeherEmmett,Edward'splayfulbearofabrother,Ididmiss.Hewasinmanyways just like the big brother I'd alwayswanted…onlymuch,muchmoreterrifying.

Edwarddecidedtochangethesubject."So,ifyouwon'tletmegetyoutheAudi,isn'tthereanythingthatyou'dlikeforyourbirthday?"Thewordscameoutinawhisper."YouknowwhatIwant."Adeepfrowncarvedcreasesintohismarbleforehead.Heobviouslywishedhe'dstucktothesubjectofRosalie.

Itfeltlikewe'dhadthisargumentalottoday."Nottonight,Bella.Please.""Well,maybeAlicewillgivemewhatIwant."

Edward growled–a deep, menacing sound. "This isn't going to be your lastbirthday,Bella,"hevowed.

"That'snotfair!"IthoughtIheardhisteethclenchtogether.

Wewerepullinguptothehousenow.Brightlightshinedfromeverywindowonthe first two floors. A long line of glowing Japanese lanterns hung from theporch eaves, reflecting a soft radiance on the huge cedars that surrounded thehouse. Big bowls of flowers–pink roses–lined the wide stairs up to the frontdoors.

Imoaned.Edwardtookafewdeepbreathstocalmhimself."Thisisaparty,"heremindedme."Trytobeagoodsport."

"Sure,"Imuttered.Hecamearoundtogetmydoor,andofferedmehishand."Ihaveaquestion."Hewaitedwarily.

"If Idevelop this film," I said, toyingwith thecamera inmyhands, "willyou

showupinthepicture?"Edwardstarted laughing.Hehelpedmeoutof thecar,pulledmeup thestairs,andwasstilllaughingasheopenedthedoorforme.

Theywereallwaitinginthehugewhitelivingroom;whenIwalkedthroughthedoor, they greetedmewith a loud chorus of "Happy birthday,Bella!"while Iblushedandlookeddown.Alice,Iassumed,hadcoveredeveryflatsurfacewithpink candles and dozens of crystal bowls filledwith hundreds of roses.Therewas a table with a white cloth draped over it next to Edward's grand piano,holdingapinkbirthdaycake,moreroses,astackofglassplates,andasmallpileofsilver-wrappedpresents.

ItwasahundredtimesworsethanI'dimagined.Edward,sensingmydistress,wrappedanencouragingarmaroundmywaistandkissedthetopofmyhead.

Edward's parents, Carlisle and Esme–impossibly youthful and lovely as ever–were the closest to the door. Esme hugged me carefully, her soft, caramel-colored hair brushing against my cheek as she kissed my forehead, and thenCarlisleputhisarmaroundmyshoulders.

"Sorryaboutthis,Bella,"hestage-whispered."Wecouldn'treinAlicein."

Rosalie and Emmett stood behind them. Rosalie didn't smile, but at least shedidn'tglare.Emmett's facewas stretched intoahugegrin. IthadbeenmonthssinceI'dseenthem;I'dforgottenhowgloriouslybeautifulRosaliewas–italmosthurttolookather.AndhadEmmettalwaysbeenso…big?

"You haven't changed at all," Emmett said with mock disappointment. "Iexpectedaperceptibledifference,buthereyouare,red-facedjustlikealways.""Thanksalot,Emmett,"Isaid,blushingdeeper.Helaughed,"Ihavetostepoutforasecond"–hepausedtowinkconspicuouslyatAlice–"Don'tdoanythingfunnywhileI'mgone.""I'lltry."

AliceletgoofJasper'shandandskippedforward,allherteethsparklinginthebrightlight.Jaspersmiled,too,butkepthisdistance.Heleaned,longandblond,against the post at the foot of the stairs. During the days we'd had to spendcoopeduptogetherinPhoenix,I'dthoughthe'dgottenoverhisaversiontome.Buthe'dgoneback to exactlyhowhe'd actedbefore–avoidingmeasmuchaspossible–themomenthewasfreefromthattemporaryobligationtoprotectme.Iknewitwasn'tpersonal,justaprecaution,andItriednottobeoverlysensitive

about it. Jasper hadmore trouble sticking to theCullens' diet than the rest ofthem; the scent of human blood was much harder for him to resist than theothers–hehadn'tbeentryingaslong.

"Timetoopenpresents,"Alicedeclared.Sheputhercoolhandundermyelbowandtowedmetothetablewiththecakeandtheshinypackages.Iputonmybestmartyrface."Alice,IknowItoldyouIdidn'twantanything–""ButIdidn'tlisten,"sheinterrupted,smug."Openit."Shetookthecamerafrommyhandsandreplaceditwithabig,squaresilverbox.

The boxwas so light that it felt empty. The tag on top said that it was fromEmmett,Rosalie,andJasper.Selfconsciously,Itorethepaperoffandthenstaredattheboxitconcealed.

Itwassomethingelectrical,withlotsofnumbersinthename.Iopenedthebox,hopingforfurtherillumination.Buttheboxwasempty."Um…thanks."Rosalieactuallycrackedasmile.Jasper laughed."It'sastereoforyourtruck,"heexplained."Emmett'sinstallingitrightnowsothatyoucan'treturnit."

Alicewasalwaysonestepaheadofme."Thanks,Jasper,Rosalie,"Itoldthem,grinningasIrememberedEdward'scomplaintsaboutmyradiothisafternoon–allasetup,apparently."Thanks,Emmett!"Icalledmoreloudly.

I heard his booming laugh frommy truck, and I couldn't help laughing, too."Openmine andEdward's next,"Alice said, so excited her voicewas a high-pitchedtrill.Sheheldasmall,flatsquareinherhand.I turned to give Edward a basilisk glare. "You promised." Before he couldanswer,Emmettboundedthroughthedoor."Justintime!"hecrowed.HepushedinbehindJasper,whohadalsodriftedcloser thanusual togetagood look. "Ididn'tspendadime,"Edwardassuredme.Hebrushedastrandofhairfrommyface,leavingmyskintinglingfromhistouch.

IinhaleddeeplyandturnedtoAlice."Giveittome,"Isighed.Emmettchuckledwithdelight.

I took the little package, rolling my eyes at Edward while I stuck my fingerundertheedgeofthepaperandjerkeditunderthetape."Shoot,"Imutteredwhenthepaperslicedmyfinger;Ipulleditouttoexaminethedamage.Asingledropofbloodoozedfromthetinycut.

Itallhappenedveryquicklythen."No!"Edwardroared.

He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. It fell, as I did,scattering thecakeand thepresents, the flowersand theplates. I landed in themessofshatteredcrystal.JasperslammedintoEdward,andthesoundwaslikethecrashofbouldersinarockslide.Therewasanothernoise,agrislysnarlingthatseemedtobecomingfromdeepinJasper'schest.JaspertriedtoshovepastEdward, snapping his teeth just inches from Edward's face. Emmett grabbedJasperfrombehindinthenextsecond, lockinghimintohismassivesteelgrip,butJasperstruggledon,hiswild,emptyeyesfocusedonlyonme.

Beyond the shock, there was also pain. I'd tumbled down to the floor by thepiano,withmyarms thrownout instinctively tocatchmy fall, into the jaggedshardsofglass.OnlynowdidIfeelthesearing,stingingpainthatranfrommywristtothecreaseinsidemyelbow.

Dazedanddisoriented,Ilookedupfromthebrightredbloodpulsingoutofmyarm–intothefeveredeyesofthesixsuddenlyravenousvampires.2STITCHESCARLISLEWASNOTTHEONLYONEWHOSTAYED calm.Centuries ofexperienceintheemergencyroomwereevidentinhisquiet,authoritativevoice.

"Emmett,Rose,getJasperoutside."Unsmilingforonce,Emmettnodded."Comeon,Jasper."

JasperstruggledagainstEmmett'sunbreakablegrasp, twistingaround,reachingtowardhisbrotherwithhisbaredteeth,hiseyesstillpastreason.

Edward'sfacewaswhiterthanboneashewheeledtocrouchoverme,takingaclearlydefensiveposition.Alowwarninggrowlslidfrombetweenhisclenchedteeth.Icouldtellthathewasn'tbreathing.

Rosalie, her divine face strangely smug, stepped in front of Jasper–keeping acarefuldistancefromhisteeth–andhelpedEmmettwrestlehimthroughtheglassdoorthatEsmeheldopen,onehandpressedoverhermouthandnose.

Esme's heart-shaped facewas ashamed. "I'm so sorry,Bella," she cried as shefollowedtheothersintotheyard.

"Letmeby,Edward,"Carlislemurmured.Asecondpassed,andthenEdwardnoddedslowlyandrelaxedhisstance.

Carlislekneltbesideme,leaningclosetoexaminemyarm.Icouldfeeltheshockfrozenonmyface,andItriedtocomposeit."Here,Carlisle,"Alicesaid,handinghimatowel.

Heshookhishead."Toomuchglassinthewound."Hereachedoverandrippedalong,thinscrapfromthebottomofthewhitetablecloth.Hetwisteditaroundmy arm above the elbow to form a tourniquet. The smell of the blood wasmakingmedizzy.Myearsrang.

"Bella,"Carlisle said softly. "Doyouwantme to driveyou to thehospital, orwouldyoulikemetotakecareofithere?""Here,please,"Iwhispered.Ifhetookmetothehospital,therewouldbenowaytokeepthisfromCharlie.

"I'llgetyourbag,"Alicesaid."Let'stakehertothekitchentable,"CarlislesaidtoEdward.Edwardliftedmeeffortlessly,whileCarlislekeptthepressuresteadyonmyarm."How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asked. "I'm fine." My voice wasreasonablysteady,whichpleasedme.Edward'sfacewaslikestone.

Alice was there. Carlisle's black bag was already on the table, a small butbrilliantdesklightpluggedintothewall.Edwardsatmegentlyintoachair,andCarlislepulledupanother.Hewenttoworkatonce.

Edwardstoodoverme,stillprotective,stillnotbreathing."Justgo,Edward,"Isighed.

"I can handle it," he insisted.But his jawwas rigid; his eyes burnedwith theintensityofthethirsthefought,somuchworseforhimthanitwasfortheothers."Youdon'tneedtobeahero,"Isaid."Carlislecanfixmeupwithoutyourhelp.Getsomefreshair."

I winced as Carlisle did something to my arm that stung. "I'll stay," he said."Whyareyousomasochistic?"Imumbled.

Carlisledecidedtointercede."Edward,youmayaswellgofindJasperbeforehegets toofar.I'msurehe'supsetwithhimself,andIdoubthe'll listentoanyonebutyourightnow."

"Yes,"Ieagerlyagreed."GofindJasper.""Youmightaswelldosomethinguseful,"Aliceadded.

Edward'seyesnarrowedaswegangeduponhim,but, finally,henoddedonceandsprintedsmoothlythroughthekitchen'sbackdoor.Iwassurehehadn'ttakenabreathsinceI'dslicedmyfinger.

Anumb,deadfeelingwasspreadingthroughmyarm.

Thoughiterasedthesting,itremindedmeofthegash,andIwatchedCarlisle's

facecarefullytodistractmefromwhathishandsweredoing.Hishairgleamedgoldinthebrightlightashebentovermyarm.Icouldfeelthefaintstirringsofunease in the pit of my stomach, but I was determined not to let my usualsqueamishnessgetthebestofme.Therewasnopainnow,justagentletuggingsensationthatItriedtoignore.Noreasontogetsicklikeababy.

Ifshehadn'tbeeninmylineofsight,Iwouldn'thavenoticedAlicegiveupandstealoutoftheroom.Withatiny,apologeticsmileonherlips,shedisappearedthroughthekitchendoorway."Well,that'severyone,"Isighed."Icancleararoom,atleast."

"It'snotyourfault,"Carlislecomfortedmewithachuckle."Itcouldhappentoanyone.""Could" I repeated. "But it usually just happens tome."He laughedagain.

His relaxed calmwas onlymore amazing set in direct contrastwith everyoneelse'sreaction.Icouldn't findanytraceofanxiety inhisface.Heworkedwithquick,suremovements.Theonlysoundbesidesourquietbreathingwasthesoftplink,plinkasthetinyfragmentsofglassdroppedonebyonetothetable.

"How can you do this?" I demanded. "EvenAlice and Esme…" I trailed off,shakingmyheadinwonder.Thoughtherestofthemhadgivenupthetraditionaldiet of vampires just as absolutely as Carlisle had, he was the only one whocouldbearthesmellofmybloodwithoutsufferingfromtheintensetemptation.Clearly,thiswasmuchmoredifficultthanhemadeitseem.

"Yearsandyearsofpractice,"he toldme."Ibarelynotice thescentanymore.""Doyouthinkitwouldbeharderifyoutookavacationfromthehospitalforalongtime.Andweren'taroundanyblood?"

"Maybe."Heshruggedhisshoulders,buthishandsremainedsteady."I'veneverfelt the need for an extended holiday." He flashed a brilliant smile in mydirection."Ienjoymyworktoomuch."

Plink,plink,plink.Iwassurprisedathowmuchglassthereseemedtobeinmyarm. Iwas tempted toglance at thegrowingpile, just to check the size, but Iknewthatideawouldnotbehelpfultomyno-vomitingstrategy.

"Whatisitthatyouenjoy?"Iwondered.Itdidn'tmakesensetome–theyearsofstruggleandself-denialhemusthavespent toget to thepointwherehecouldendure this so easily. Besides, Iwanted to keep him talking; the conversationkeptmymindoffthequeasyfeelinginmystomach.

Hisdarkeyeswerecalmand thoughtfulasheanswered."Hmm.What Ienjoytheverymostiswhenmy…enhancedabilitiesletmesavesomeonewhowouldotherwise have been lost. It's pleasant knowing that, thanks towhat I can do,somepeople'slivesarebetterbecauseIexist.Eventhesenseofsmellisausefuldiagnostictoolattimes."Onesideofhismouthpulledupinhalfasmile.

Imulled that overwhile he poked around,making sure all the glass splintersweregone.Thenherummagedinhisbagfornewtools,andItriednottopictureaneedleandthread.

"You try very hard to make up for something that was never your fault," Isuggestedwhileanewkindoftuggingstartedattheedgesofmyskin."WhatImeanis,it'snotlikeyouaskedforthis.Youdidn'tchoosethiskindoflife,andyetyouhavetoworksohardtobegood."

"I don't know that I'm making up for anything," he disagreed lightly. "Likeeverythinginlife,IjusthadtodecidewhattodowithwhatIwasgiven.""Thatmakesitsoundtooeasy."

Heexaminedmyarmagain."There,"hesaid,snippingathread."Alldone."HewipedanoversizedQ-tip,drippingwithsomesyrup-coloredliquid, thoroughlyacross the operation site. The smell was strange; it made my head spin. Thesyrupstainedmyskin.

"Inthebeginning,though,"Ipressedwhilehetapedanotherlongpieceofgauzesecurely in place, sealing it to my skin. "Why did you even think to try adifferentwaythantheobviousone?"

Hislipsturnedupinaprivatesmile."Hasn'tEdwardtoldyouthisstory?""Yes.ButI'mtryingtounderstandwhatyouwerethinking…"

Hisfacewassuddenlyseriousagain,andIwonderedifhisthoughtshadgonetothe same place that mine had. Wondering what I would be thinking when–Irefusedtothinkif–itwasme.

"You know my father was a clergyman," he mused as he cleaned the tablecarefully,rubbingeverythingdownwithwetgauze,andthendoingitagain.Thesmellofalcoholburnedinmynose."Hehadaratherharshviewoftheworld,which I was already beginning to question before the time that I changed."Carlisleputallthedirtygauzeandtheglasssliversintoanemptycrystalbowl.Ididn'tunderstandwhathewasdoing,evenwhenhelitthematch.Thenhethrewitontothealcohol-soakedfibers,andthesuddenblazemademejump.

"Sorry,"heapologized."Thatoughttodoit…SoIdidn'tagreewithmyfather'sparticularbrandoffaith.Butnever,inthenearlyfourhundredyearsnowsinceIwasborn, have I ever seen anything tomakemedoubtwhetherGodexists insomeformortheother.Noteventhereflectioninthemirror."

I pretended to examine the dressing on my arm to hide my surprise at thedirectionourconversationhadtaken.ReligionwasthelastthingIexpected,allthingsconsidered.Myown lifewas fairlydevoidofbelief.Charlieconsideredhimself a Lutheran, because that'swhat his parents had been, but Sundays heworshippedbytheriverwithafishingpoleinhishand.Reneetriedoutachurchnow and then, but, much like her brief affairs with tennis, pottery, yoga, andFrenchclasses,shemovedonbythetimeIwasawareofhernewestfad.

"I'm sure all this sounds a littlebizarre, coming fromavampire."Hegrinned,knowinghow theircasualuseof thatwordnever failed toshockme."But I'mhoping that there is still a point to this life, even for us. It's a long shot, I'lladmit," he continued in an offhand voice. "By all accounts, we're damnedregardless.ButIhope,maybefoolishly,thatwe'llgetsomemeasureofcreditfortrying."

"I don't think that's foolish," I mumbled. I couldn't imagine anyone, deityincluded, who wouldn't be impressed by Carlisle. Besides, the only kind ofheaven I could appreciate would have to include Edward. "And I don't thinkanyoneelsewould,either."

"Actually,you're thevery first one to agreewithme." "The restof themdon'tfeelthesame?"Iasked,surprised,thinkingofonlyonepersoninparticular.

Carlisleguessedthedirectionofmythoughtsagain."Edward'swithmeuptoapoint.Godandheavenexist…andsodoeshell.Buthedoesn'tbelievethereisan afterlife for our kind."Carlisle's voicewas very soft; he stared out the bigwindow over the sink, into the darkness. "You see, he thinks we've lost oursouls."

I immediately thought of Edward's words this afternoon: unless you want todie–orwhateveritisthatwedo.Thelightbulbflickedonovermyhead."That'stherealproblem,isn'tit?"Iguessed."That'swhyhe'sbeingsodifficultaboutme."

Carlisle spoke slowly. "I look at my… son. His strength, his goodness, thebrightness that shines out of him–and it only fuels that hope, that faith,morethanever.HowcouldtherenotbemoreforonesuchasEdward?"

Inoddedinferventagreement."ButifIbelievedashedoes…"Helookeddownatmewithunfathomableeyes."Ifyoubelievedashedid.Couldyoutakeawayhissoul?"Thewayhephrasedthequestionthwartedmyanswer.Ifhe'daskedmewhetherIwouldriskmysoulforEdward,thereplywouldbeobvious.ButwouldIriskEdward'ssoul?Ipursedmylipsunhappily.Thatwasn'tafairexchange.

"Youseetheproblem."Ishookmyhead,awareofthestubbornsetofmychin.Carlislesighed."It'smychoice,"Iinsisted.

"It'shis,too."HehelduphishandwhenhecouldseethatIwasabouttoargue."Whetherheisresponsiblefordoingthattoyou."

"He'snottheonlyoneabletodoit."IeyedCarlislespeculatively.He laughed, abruptly lightening the mood. "Oh, no! You're going to have toworkthisoutwithhim."Butthenhesighed."That'stheonepartIcanneverbesureof.Ithink, inmostotherways, thatI'vedonethebestIcouldwithwhatIhadtoworkwith.Butwasitrighttodoomtheotherstothislife?Ican'tdecide."

Ididn'tanswer.IimaginedwhatmylifewouldbelikeifCarlislehadresistedthetemptationtochangehislonelyexistence…andshuddered."ItwasEdward'smotherwhomadeupmymind."Carlisle'svoicewasalmostawhisper.Hestaredunseeinglyouttheblackwindows.

"Hismother?"WheneverI'daskedEdwardabouthisparents,hewouldmerelysay that they had died long ago, and his memories were vague. I realizedCarlisle's memory of them, despite the brevity of their contact, would beperfectlyclear.

"Yes. Her name was Elizabeth. Elizabeth Masen. His father, Edward Senior,never regained consciousness in the hospital.He died in the firstwave of theinfluenza. But Elizabeth was alert until almost the very end. Edward looks agreatdeal likeher–shehadthatsamestrangebronzeshadetoherhair,andhereyeswereexactlythesamecolorgreen."

"Hiseyesweregreen?"Imurmured,tryingtopictureit.

"Yes…" Carlisle's ocher eyes were a hundred years away now. "Elizabethworriedobsessivelyoverherson.Shehurtherownchancesofsurvivaltryingtonursehimfromhersickbed.Iexpectedthathewouldgofirst,hewassomuch

worseoffthanshewas.Whentheendcameforher,itwasveryquick.Itwasjustafter sunset, and I'darrived to relieve thedoctorswho'dbeenworkingallday.Thatwasahardtimetopretend–therewassomuchworktobedone,andIhadnoneedof rest.How Ihated togoback tomyhouse, tohide in thedarkandpretendtosleepwhilesomanyweredying.

"I went to check Elizabeth and her son first. I'd grown attached–always adangerous thing todoconsidering the fragilenatureofhumans. I could see atonce that she'd takenabad turn.The feverwas ragingoutof control, andherbodywastooweaktofightanymore.

"Shedidn'tlookweak,though,whensheglaredupatmefromhercot."Savehim!'shecommandedmeinthehoarsevoicethatwasallherthroatcouldmanage.

"I'lldoeverythinginmypower,'Ipromisedher,takingherhand.Thefeverwasso high, she probably couldn't even tell how unnaturally cold mine felt.Everythingfeltcoldtoherskin.

"You must," she insisted, clutching at my hand with enough strength that Iwondered if shewouldn't pull through the crisis after all.Her eyeswerehard,likestones,likeemeralds. 'Youmustdoeverythinginyourpower.Whatotherscannotdo,thatiswhatyoumustdoformyEdward.""Itfrightenedme.Shelookeditmewiththosepiercingeyes,and,foroneinstant,Ifeltcertainthatsheknewmysecret.Thenthefeveroverwhelmedher,andsheneverregainedconsciousness.Shediedwithinanhourofmakingherdemand.

"I'dspentdecadesconsideringtheideaofcreatingacompanionformyself.Justoneothercreaturewhocouldreallyknowme,ratherthanwhatIpretendedtobe.ButIcouldneverjustifyittomyself–doingwhathadbeendonetome.

"ThereEdwardlay,dying.Itwasclearthathehadonlyhoursleft.Besidehim,hismother,herfacesomehownotyetpeaceful,notevenindeath."

Carlisle saw it all again, his memory unblurred by the intervening century. Icould see it clearly, too, as he spoke–the despair of the hospital, theoverwhelmingatmosphereofdeath.Edwardburningwithfever,hislifeslippingawaywith each tick of the clock… I shuddered again, and forced the picturefrommymind.

"Elizabeth'swordsechoed inmyhead.Howcouldsheguesswhat Icoulddo?Couldanyonereallywantthatforherson?"IlookedatEdward.Sickashewas,hewasstillbeautiful.Therewassomething

pureandgoodabouthisface.ThekindoffaceIwouldhavewantedmysontohave.

"After all those years of indecision, I simply acted on awhim. Iwheeled hismothertothemorguefirst,andthenIcamebackforhim.Noonenoticedthathewasstillbreathing.Thereweren'tenoughhands,enougheyes, tokeep trackofhalfofwhatthepatientsneeded.Themorguewasempty–oftheliving,atleast.Istole him out the back door, and carried him across the rooftops back to myhome.

"I wasn't sure what had to be done. I settled for recreating the wounds I'dreceivedmyself,somanycenturiesearlierinLondon.Ifeltbadaboutthatlater.Itwasmorepainfulandlingeringthannecessary.

"Iwasn'tsorry,though.I'veneverbeensorrythatIsavedEdward."Heshookhishead,comingbacktothepresent.Hesmiledatme."IsupposeIshouldtakeyouhomenow."

"I'lldothat,"Edwardsaid.Hecamethroughtheshadowydiningroom,walkingslowly for him. His face was smooth, unreadable, but there was somethingwrongwithhiseyes–somethinghewastryingveryhardtohide.Ifeltaspasmofuneaseinmystomach.

"Carlislecan takeme," Isaid. I lookeddownatmyshirt; the lightbluecottonwassoakedandspottedwithmyblood.Myrightshoulderwascoveredinthickpinkfrosting.

"I'm fine." Edward's voice was unemotional. "You'll need to change anyway.You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get yousomething."Hestrodeoutthekitchendooragain.IlookedatCarlisleanxiously."He'sveryupset."

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears themost.Youbeingputindanger,becauseofwhatweare."

"It'snothisfault.""It'snotyours,either."Ilookedawayfromhiswise,beautifuleyes.Icouldn'tagreewiththat.

Carlisleofferedmehishandandhelpedmeupfromthetable.Ifollowedhimoutintothemainroom.Esmehadcomeback;shewasmoppingthefloorwhereI'dfallen–withstraightbleachfromthesmellofit.

"Esme,letmedothat."Icouldfeelthatmyfacewasbrightredagain."I'malreadydone."Shesmiledupatme."Howdoyoufeel?"

"I'm fine," I assuredher. "Carlisle sews faster thananyotherdoctor I'vehad."Theybothchuckled.

AliceandEdwardcameinthebackdoors.Alicehurriedtomyside,butEdwardhungback,hisfaceindecipherable."C'mon,"Alicesaid."I'llgetyousomethinglessmacabretowear."

ShefoundmeashirtofEsme'sthatwasclosetothesamecolorminehadbeen.Charliewouldn'tnotice, Iwassure.The longwhitebandageonmyarmdidn'tlooknearlyasseriouswhenIwasnolongerspatteredingore.Charliewasneversurprisedtoseemebandaged.

"Alice,"Iwhisperedassheheadedbacktothedoor."Yes?"Shekepthervoicelow,too,andlookedatmecuriously,herheadcockedtotheside.

"Howbadisit?"Icouldn'tbesureifmywhisperingwasawastedeffort.Eventhoughwewereupstairs,withthedoorclosed,perhapshecouldhearme.

Herfacetensed."I'mnotsureyet.""How'sJasper?"

Shesighed."He'sveryunhappywithhimself.It'sallsomuchmoreofchallengeforhim,andhehatesfeelingweak."

"It'snothisfault.You'lltellhimthatI'mnotmadathim,notatall,won'tyou?""Ofcourse."

Edward was waiting for me by the front door. As I got to the bottom of thestaircase,hehelditopenwithoutaword.

"Takeyourthings!"AlicecriedasIwalkedwarilytowardEdward.Shescoopedupthetwopackages,onehalf-opened,andmycamerafromunderthepiano,andpressedthemintomygoodarm."Youcanthankmelater,whenyou'veopenedthem."

EsmeandCarlislebothsaidaquietgoodnight.Icouldseethemstealingquickglancesattheirimpassiveson,muchlikeIwas.

It was a relief to be outside; I hurried past the lanterns and the roses, nowunwelcome reminders. Edward kept pace with me silently. He opened thepassengetsideforme,andIclimbedinwithoutcomplaint.

Onthedashboardwasabigredribbon,stucktothenewstereo.Ipulleditoff,throwingit tothefloor.AsEdwardslidintotheotherside,Ikickedtheribbon

undermyseat.

Hedidn'tlookatmeorthestereo.Neitherofusswitchediton,andthesilencewassomehowintensifiedbythesuddenthunderoftheengine.Hedrovetoofastdownthedark,serpentinelane.

Thesilencewasmakingmeinsane."Saysomething,"Ifinallybeggedasheturnedontothefreeway."Whatdoyouwantmetosay?"heaskedinadetachedvoice.Icringedathisremoteness.'Tellmeyouforgiveme."Thatbrought a flickerof life tohis face–a flickerof anger. "Forgiveyou? Forwhat?""IfI'dbeenmorecareful,nothingwouldhavehappened.""Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut–that hardly deserves the death penalty.""It'sstillmyfault."Mywordsopenedupthefloodgate.

"Yourfault?Ifyou'dcutyourselfatMikeNewton'shouse,withJessicathereandAngela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly havehappenedwould be what?Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'dtrippedandknockedoverapileofglassplatesonyourown–withoutsomeonethrowing you into them–even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on theseatswhen they drove you to the emergency room?MikeNewton could haveheldyourhandwhiletheystitchedyouup–andhewouldn'tberightingtheurgetokillyouthewholetimehewasthere.Don'ttrytotakeanyofthisonyourself,Bella.Itwillonlymakememoredisgustedwithmyself."

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" I demanded."MikeNewtonendedupinthisconversationbecauseMikeNewtonwouldbeahellofalothealthierforyoutobewith,"hegrowled."I'd rather die thanbewithMikeNewton," I protested. "I'd rather die thanbewithanyonebutyou."

"Don'tbemelodramatic,please.""Wellthen,don'tyouberidiculous."Hedidn'tanswer.Heglaredthroughthewindshield,hisexpressionblack.

Irackedmybrainforsomewaytosalvagetheevening.Whenwepulledupinfrontofmyhouse,Istillhadn'tcomeupwithanything.

Hekilled theengine,buthishandsstayedclenchedaround thesteeringwheel."Will you stay tonight?" I asked. "I shouldgohome."The last thing Iwantedwasforhimtogowallowinremorse."Formybirthday,"Ipressed.

"Youcan'thaveitbothways–eitheryouwantpeopletoignoreyourbirthdayor

youdon't.Oneortheother."

Hisvoicewasstern,butnot.isseriousasbefore.Ibreathedasilentsighofrelief."Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see youupstairs." I hopped out, reaching back in formy packages.He frowned. "Youdon'thavetotakethose."

"Iwant them," I responded automatically, and thenwondered if hewas usingreversepsychology."No,youdon't.CarlisleandEsmespentmoneyonyou.""I'lllive."Ituckedthepresentsawkwardlyundermygoodarmandslammedthedoorbehindme.Hewasoutofthetruckandbymysideinlessthanasecond.

"Letme carry them, at least." he said as he took them away. "I'll be in yourroom." I smiled. "Thanks." "Happy birthday," he sighed, and leaned down totouchhislipstomine.

Ireacheduponmytoestomakethekisslast longerwhenhepulledaway.Hesmiledmyfavoritecrookedsmile,andthenhedisappearedintothedarkness.Thegamewasstillon;assoonasIwalkedthroughthefrontdoorIcouldheartheannouncerramblingoverthebabbleofthecrowd."Bell?"Charliecalled.

"Hey,Dad,"IsaidasIcamearoundthecorner.Iheldmyarmclosetomyside.The slight pressure burned, and I wrinkled my nose. The anesthetic wasapparentlylosingitseffectiveness.

"Howwasit?"Charlieloungedacrossthesofawithhisbarefeetproppeduponthearm.Whatwasleftofhiscurlybrownhairwascrushedflatononeside.

"Alicewentoverboard.Flowers,cake,candles,presents–thewholebit.""Whatdidtheygetyou?""Astereoformytruck."Andvariousunknowns."Wow.""Yeah,"Iagreed."Well,I'mcallingitanight.""I'llseeyouinthemorning."Iwaved."Seeya.""Whathappenedtoyourarm?"Iflushedandcursedsilently."Itripped.It'snothing.""Bella,"hesighed,shakinghishead."Goodnight,Dad."

Ihurriedup to thebathroom,where Ikeptmypajamas for just suchnightsas

these. Ishrugged into thematching tank topandcottonpants that I'dgotten toreplacetheholeysweatsIusedtoweartobed,wincingasthemovementpulledat the stitches. I washed my face one-handed, brushed my teeth, and thenskippedtomyroom.Hewassittinginthecenterofmybed,toyingidlywithoneofthesilverboxes.

"Hi,"hesaid.Hisvoicewassad.Hewaswallowing.Iwenttothebed,pushedthepresentsoutofhishands,andclimbedintohislap."Hi."Isnuggledintohisstonechest. "Can Iopenmypresentsnow?" "Wheredid theenthusiasmcomefrom?"hewondered."Youmademecurious."IpickedupthelongflatrectanglethatmusthavebeenfromCarlisleandEsme.

"Allowme," he suggested.He took the gift frommy hand and tore the silverpaperoffwithonefluidmovement.Hehandedtherectangularwhiteboxbacktome."AreyousureIcanhandleliftingthelid?"Imuttered,butheignoredme.Insidetheboxwasalongthickpieceofpaperwithanoverwhelmingamountoffineprint.Ittookmeaminutetogetthegistoftheinformation."We'regoing to Jacksonville?"And Iwas excited, in spiteofmyself. Itwasavoucherforplanetickets,forbothmeandEdward."That'stheidea.""Ican'tbelieve it.Renee isgoing to flip!Youdon'tmind, though,doyou?It'ssunny,you'llhavetostayinsideallday."

"IthinkIcanhandleit,"hesaid,andthenfrowned."IfI'dhadanyideathatyoucouldrespondtoagiftthisappropriately,IwouldhavemadeyouopenitinfrontofCarlisleandEsme.Ithoughtyou'dcomplain."

"Well,ofcourseit'stoomuch.ButIgettotakeyouwithme!"Hechuckled."NowIwishI'dspentmoneyonyourpresent.Ididn'trealizethatyouwerecapableofbeingreasonable."I set the tickets aside and reached for his present,my curiosity rekindled.Hetookitfrommeandunwrappeditlikethefirstone.

HehandedbackaclearCDjewelcase,withablanksilverCDinside."Whatisit?"Iasked,perplexed.

Hedidn'tsayanything;he tooktheCDandreachedaroundmetoput it in theCDplayeronthebedsidetable.Hehitplay,andwewaitedinsilence.Thenthemusicbegan.Ilistened,speechlessandwide-eyed.Iknewhewaswaitingformyreaction, but I couldn't talk. Tears welled up, and I reached up to wipe themawaybeforetheycouldspillover.

"Doesyourarmhurt?"heaskedanxiously."No, it'snotmyarm. It'sbeautiful,Edward.Youcouldn'thavegivenmeanythingIwouldlovemore.Ican'tbelieveit."Ishutup,soIcouldlisten.

Itwashismusic,hiscompositions.ThefirstpieceontheCDwasmylullaby."Ididn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," heexplained."You'reright.""Howdoesyourarmfeel?"

"Justfine."Actually,itwasstartingtoblazeunderthebandage.Iwantedice.Iwouldhavesettledforhishand,butthatwouldhavegivenmeaway.

"I'llgetyousomeTylenol.""Idon'tneedanything,"Iprotested,butheslidmeoffhislapandheadedforthedoor.

"Charlie,"Ihissed.Charliewasn'texactlyawarethatEdwardfrequentlystayedover. In fact,hewouldhaveastroke if that factwerebrought tohisattention.But I didn't feel too guilty for deceiving him It wasn't as if we were up toanythinghewouldn'twantmetobeupto.Edwardandhisrules…

"Hewon'tcatchme,"Edwardpromisedashedisappearedsilentlyoutthedoor..andreturned,catchingthedoorbeforeithadswungbacktotouchtheframe.Hehadtheglassfromthebathroomandthebottleofpillsinonehand.

Itookthepillshehandedmewithoutarguing–IknewIwouldlosetheargumentAndmyarmreallywasstartingtobotherme.Mylullabycontinued,softandlovely,inthebackground.

"It'slate,"Edwardnoted.Hescoopedmeupoffthebedwithonearm,andpulledthecoverbackwiththeother.Heputmedownwithmyheadonmypillowandtuckedthequiltaroundme.Helaydownnexttome–ontopoftheblanketsoIwouldn'tgetchilled–andputhisarmoverme.

Ileanedmyheadagainsthisshoulderandsighedhappily."Thanksagain,"Iwhispered."You'rewelcome."

It was quiet for a long moment as I listened to my lullaby drift to a close.Anothersongbegan.IrecognizedEsme'sfavorite."What are you thinking about?'" I wondered in a whisper. He hesitated for asecondbeforehetoldme."Iwasthinkingaboutrightandwrong,actually."Ifeltachilltinglealongmyspine."RememberhowIdecidedthatIwantedyoutonotignoremybirthday?"Iaskedquickly,hopingitwasn'ttooclearthatIwastryingtodistracthim.

"Yes,"heagreed,wary."Well,Iwasthinking,sinceit'sstillmybirthday,thatI'dlikeyoutokissmeagain.""You'regreedytonight.""Yes,Iam–butplease,don'tdoanythingyoudon'twanttodo,"Iadded,piqued.

He laughed,and thensighed. "Heaven forbid that I shoulddoanything Idon'twant todo,"hesaidinastrangelydesperate toneasheputhishandundermychinandpulledmyfaceuptohis.

Thekissbeganmuchthesameasusual–Edwardwasascarefulasever,andmyheart began to overreact like it always did. And then something seemed tochange.Suddenlyhislipsbecamemuchmoreurgent,hisfreehandtwistedintomyhairandheldmyfacesecurelytohis.And,thoughmyhandstangledinhishair,too,andthoughIwasclearlybeginningtocrosshiscautiouslines,foroncehedidn'tstopme.Hisbodywascoldthroughthethinquilt,butIcrushedmyselfagainsthimeagerly.

Whenhestopped itwasabrupt;hepushedmeawaywithgentle, firmhands. Icollapsedbackontomypillow,gasping,myheadspinning.Somethingtuggedatmymemory,elusive,ontheedges.

"Sorry," he said, and he was breathless, too. "That was out of line." "I don'tmind,"Ipanted.Hefrownedatmeinthedarkness."Trytosleep.Bella.""No,Iwantyoutokissmeagain.""You'reoverestimatingmyself-control.""Whichistemptingyoumore,mybloodormybody?"Ichallenged.

"It's a tie."Hegrinnedbriefly in spiteofhimself, and thenwas serious again."Now.whydon'tyoustoppushingyourluckandgotosleep?"

"Fine,"Iagreed,snugglingclosertohim.Ireallydidfeelexhausted.Ithadbeenalongdayinsomanyways,yetIfeltnosenseofreliefatitsend.Almostasifsomethingworsewascomingtomorrow.Itwasasillypremonition–whatcouldbeworsethantoday?'Justtheshockcatchingupwithme,nodoubt.

Tryingtobesneakyaboutit, Ipressedmyinjuredarmagainsthisshoulder,sohiscoolskinwouldsooththeburning.Itfeltbetteratonce.

Iwashalfwayasleep,maybemore,whenIrealizedwhathiskisshadremindedme of: last spring, when he'd had to leave me to throw James off my trail,Edward had kissedme goodbye, not knowingwhen–or if–wewould see eachother again. This kiss had the same almost painful edge for some reason Icouldn'timagine.Ishudderedintounconsciousness,asifIwerealreadyhavinganightmare.

3.THEEND

IFELTABSOLUTELYHIDEOUSINTHEMORNING.IHADN'Tsleptwell;myarmburnedandmyheadached.Itdidn'thelpmyoutlookthatEdward'sfacewas smooth and remote ashekissedmy foreheadquickly andduckedoutmywindow.IwasafraidofthetimeI'dspentunconscious,afraidthathemighthavebeen thinking about right and wrong again while he watched me sleep. Theanxietyseemedtoratchetuptheintensityofthepoundinginmyhead.

Edwardwaswaiting forme at school, as usual, but his facewas still wrong.TherewassomethingburiedinhiseyesthatIcouldn'tbesureof–anditscaredme.Ididn'twanttobringuplastnight,butIwasn'tsureifavoidingthesubjectwouldbeworse.

Heopenedmydoorforme."Howdoyoufeel?""Perfect,"Ilied,cringingasthesoundoftheslammingdoorechoedinmyhead.

Wewalked in silence, he shortening his stride tomatchmine. Therewere somanyquestionsIwantedtoask,butmostofthosequestionswouldhavetowait,becausecheywereforAlice:HowwasJasperthismorning?WhathadtheysaidwhenIwasgone?WhathadRosaliesaid?Andmostimportantly,whatcouldshesee happening now in her strange, imperfect visions of the future?Could sheguess what Edward was thinking, why he was so gloomy? Was there afoundationforthetenuous,instinctivefearsthatIcouldn'tseemtoshake?

Themorningpassedslowly.Iwasimpatient toseeAlice, thoughIwouldn'tbeable to really talk to her with Edward there. Edward remained aloof.Occasionallyhewouldaskaboutmyarm,andIwouldlie.

Aliceusuallybeatustolunch;shedidn'thavetokeeppacewithaslothlikeme.Butshewasn'tatthetable,waitingwithatrayoffoodshewouldn'teat.Edwarddidn'tsayanythingaboutherabsence.Iwonderedtomyselfifherclasswas running late–until I saw Conner and Ben, who were in her fourth hourFrenchclass."Where'sAlice?"IaskedEdwardanxiously.He lookedat thegranolabarhewas slowlypulverizingbetweenhis fingertipswhileheanswered."She'swithJasper."

"Isheokay?""He'sgoneawayforawhile.""What?Where?"Edwardshrugged."Nowhereinparticular."

"AndAlice,too,"Isaidwithquietdesperation.Ofcourse,ifJasperneededher,shewouldgo."Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go toDenali."

Denali waswhere the one other band of unique vampires–good ones like theCullens–lived.Tanyaandherfamily.I'dheardofthemnowandagain.Edwardhadrun to themlastwinterwhenmyarrivalhadmadeForksdifficult forhim.Laurent,themostcivilizedmemberofJames'slittlecoven,hadgonethereratherthansidingwithJamesagainsttheCullens.ItmadesenseforAlicetoencourageJaspertogothere.

Iswallowed,tryingtodislodgethesuddenlumpinmythroat.Theguiltmademyhead bow and my shoulders slump. I'd run them out of their home, just likeRosalieandEmmett.Iwasaplague.

"Isyourarmbotheringyou?"heaskedsolicitously."Whocaresaboutmystupidarm?"Imutteredindisgust.Hedidn'tanswer,andIputmyheaddownonthetable.

Bytheendoftheday,thesilencewasbecomingridiculous.Ididn'twanttobetheonetobreakit,butapparentlythatwasmyonlychoiceifIeverwantedhimtotalktomeagain."You'llcomeoverlatertonight?"Iaskedashewalkedme–silently–tomytruck.Healwayscameover."Later?"Itpleasedmethatheseemedsurprised."Ihavetowork.IhadtotradewithMrs.Newtontogetyesterdayoff.""Oh,"hemurmured."Soyou'llcomeoverwhenI'mhome,though,right?"IhatedthatIfeltsuddenlyunsureaboutthis."Ifyouwantmeto.""Ialwayswantyou," I remindedhim,withperhapsa littlemore intensity thantheconversationrequired.Iexpectedhewouldlaugh,orsmile,orreactsomehowtomywords."Allright,then,"hesaidindifferently.Hekissedmyforeheadagainbeforeheshutthedooronme.Thenheturnedhisbackandlopedgracefullytowardhiscar.Iwasable todriveoutof theparking lotbefore thepanic reallyhit,but IwashyperventilatingbythetimeIgottoNewton's.

Hejustneeded time,I toldmyself.Hewouldgetover this.Maybehewassad

because his familywas disappearing. But Alice and Jasper would come backsoon,andRosalieandEmmett,too.Ifitwouldhelp,Iwouldstayawayfromthebigwhitehouseontheriver–I'dneversetfootthereagain.Thatdidn'tmatter.I'dstillseeAliceatschool.Shewouldhavetocomebackforschool,right?Andshewasatmyplaceallthetimeanyway.Shewouldn'twanttohurtCharlie'sfeelingsbystayingaway.

NodoubtIwouldalsorunintoCarlislewithregularity–intheemergencyroom.

Afterall,whathadhappenedlastnightwasnothing.Nothinghadhappened.SoIfell down–that was the story of my life. Compared to last spring, it seemedespeciallyunimportant.Jameshadleftmebrokenandnearlydeadfromlossofblood–andyetEdwardhadhandledtheinterminableweeksinthehospitalmuchbetterthanthis.Wasitbecause,thistime,itwasn'tanenemyhe'dhadtoprotectmefrom?Becauseitwashisbrother?

Maybe it would be better if he took me away, rather than his family beingscattered. I grew slightly less depressed as I considered all the uninterruptedalonetime.Ifhecouldjustlastthroughtheschoolyear,Charliewouldn'tbeabletoobject.Wecouldgoaway tocollege,orpretend that'swhatweweredoing,likeRosalieandEmmettthisyear.SurelyEdwardcouldwaitayear.Whatwasayeartoanimmortal?Itdidn'tevenseemlikethatmuchtome.

Iwas able to talkmyself into enough composure to handle getting out of thetruckandwalkingtothestore.MikeNewtonhadbeatenmeheretoday,andhesmiledandwavedwhen Icame in. Igrabbedmyvest,noddingvaguely inhisdirection. Iwasstill imaginingpleasantscenarios thatconsistedofmerunningawaywithEdwardtovariousexoticlocales.

Mikeinterruptedmyfantasy."Howwasyourbirthday?""Ugh,"Imumbled."I'mgladit'sover."MikelookedatmefromthecornersofhiseyeslikeIwascrazy.

Workdragged.IwantedtoseeEdwardagain,prayingthathewouldbepasttheworstofthis,whateveritwasexactly,bythetimeIsawhimagain.It'snothing,Itoldmyselfoverandoveragain.Everythingwillgobacktonormal.

ThereliefIfeltwhenIturnedontomystreetandsawEdward'ssilvercarparkedin front ofmy housewas an overwhelming, heady thing.And it botheredmedeeplythatitshouldbethatway.Ihurriedthroughthefrontdoor,callingoutbeforeIwascompletelyinside.

"Dad? Edward?" As I spoke, I could hear the distinctive theme music from

ESPN'sSportsCentercomingfromthelivingroom.

"Inhere,"Charliecalled.Ihungmyraincoatonitspegandhurriedaroundthecorner.

Edwardwasinthearmchair,myfatheronthesofa.BothhadtheireyestrainedontheTV.Thefocuswasnormalformyfather.NotsomuchforEdward."Hi,"Isaidweakly."Hey,Bella,"myfatheranswered,eyesnevermoving."Wejusthadcoldpizza.Ithinkit'sstillonthetable.""Okay."Iwaitedinthedoorway.Finally,Edwardlookedoveratmewithapolitesmile."I'llberightbehindyou,"hepromised.HiseyesstrayedbacktotheTV.Istaredforanotherminute,shocked.Neitheroneseemedtonotice.Icouldfeelsomething,panicmaybe,buildingupinmychest.Iescapedtothekitchen.

Thepizza held no interest forme. I sat inmy chair, pulledmyknees up, andwrappedmyarmsaroundthem.Somethingwasverywrong,maybemorewrongthanI'drealized.ThesoundsofmalebondingandbantercontinuedfromtheTVset.

Itriedtogetcontrolofmyself,toreasonwithmyself.What'stheworstthatcanhappen?Iflinched.Thatwasdefinitelythewrongquestiontoask.Iwashavingahardtimebreathingright.Okay, I thought again,what's the worst I can live through? I didn't like thatquestion somuch, either.But I thought through thepossibilities I'd consideredtoday.

StayingawayfromEdward'sfamily.Ofcourse,hewouldn'texpectAlicetobepartofthat.ButifJasperwasofflimits,thatwouldlessenthetimeIcouldhavewithher.Inoddedtomyself–Icouldlivewiththat.

Orgoingaway.Maybehewouldn'twanttowaittilltheendoftheschoolyear,maybeitwouldhavetobenow.

Infrontofme,onthetable,mypresentsfromCharlieandReneewerewhereIhad left them, thecamera Ihadn'thad thechance touseat theCullens' sittingbeside the album. I touched the pretty cover of the scrapbookmymother hadgivenme, and sighed, thinking ofRenee. Somehow, livingwithout her for aslongasIhaddidnotmaketheideaofamorepermanentseparationeasier.AndCharliewouldbeleftallalonehere,abandoned.Theywouldbothbesohurt…

Butwe'dcomeback,right?We'dvisit,ofcourse,wouldn'twe?Icouldn'tbecertainabouttheanswertothat.

Ileanedmycheekagainstmyknee,staringatthephysicaltokensofmyparents'love.I'dknownthispathI'dchosenwasgoingtobehard.And,afterall,Iwasthinkingabouttheworst-casescenario–theveryworstIcouldlivethrough.

Itouchedthescrapbookagain,flippingthefrontcoverover.Littlemetalcornerswerealreadyinplacetoholdthefirstpicture.Itwasn'tahalf-badidea,tomakesomerecordofmylifehere.Ifeltastrangeurgetogetstarted.MaybeIdidn'thavethatlongleftinForks.

Itoyedwiththewriststraponthecamera,wonderingaboutthefirstpictureonthe roll.Could itpossibly turnoutanythingclose to theoriginal? Idoubted it.Buthedidn'tseemworriedthatitwouldbeblank.Ichuckledtomyself,thinkingofhiscarefreelaughterlastnight.Thechucklediedaway.Somuchhadchanged,andsoabruptly.Itmademefeelalittlebitdizzy,likeIwasstandingonanedge,aprecipicesomewheremuchtoohigh.

Ididn'twanttothinkaboutthatanymore.Igrabbedthecameraandheadedupthestairs.

My roomhadn't really changed all thatmuch in the seventeenyears sincemymother hadbeenhere.Thewallswere still light blue, the sameyellowed lacecurtainshunginfrontofthewindow.Therewasabed,ratherthanacrib,butshewouldrecognizethequiltdrapeduntidilyover thetop–ithadbeenagiftROMGran.

Regardless,Isnappedapictureofmyroom.Therewasn'tmuchelseIcoulddotonight–it was too dark outside–and the feeling was growing stronger, it wasalmostacompulsionnow.IwouldrecordeverythingaboutForksbeforeIhadtoleaveit.

Changewascoming.Icouldfeelit.Itwasn'tapleasantprospect,notwhenlifewasperfectthewayitwas.

Itookmytimecomingbackdownthestairs,camerainhand,tryingtoignorethebutterfliesinmystomachasIthoughtofthestrangedistanceIdidn'twanttoseeinEdward'seyes.Hewouldgetoverthis.ProbablyhewasworriedthatIwouldbeupsetwhenheaskedme to leave. Iwould lethimwork through itwithoutmeddling.AndIwouldbepreparedwhenheasked.

IhadthecamerareadyasI leanedaroundthecorner,beingsneaky.IwassuretherewasnochancethatIhadcaughtEdwardbysurprise,buthedidn'tlookup.Ifeltabriefshiverassomethingicytwistedinmystomach;Iignoredthatandtookthepicture.

They both looked at me then. Charlie frowned. Edward's face was empty,expressionless.

"Whatareyoudoing,Bella?"Charliecomplained.

"Oh,comeon."IpretendedtosmileasIwenttositonthefloorinfrontofthesofawhereCharlielounged."YouknowMomwillbecallingsoontoaskifI'musingmypresents.Ihavetogettoworkbeforeshecangetherfeelingshurt."

"Whyareyoutakingpicturesofme,though?"hegrumbled."Becauseyou'resohandsome," I replied, keeping it light. "And because, since you bought thecamera,you'reobligatedtobeoneofmysubjects."

He mumbled something unintelligible. "Hey, Edward," I said with admirableindifference."Takeoneofmeandmydadtogether."

Ithrewthecameratowardhim,carefullyavoidinghiseyes,andkneltbesidethearmofthesofawhereCharlie'sfacewas.Charliesighed.

"Youneed to smile,Bella,"Edwardmurmured. I didmybest, and the cameraflashed.

"Letmetakeoneofyoukids,"Charliesuggested.Iknewhewasjusttryingtoshiftthecamera'sfocusfromhimself.Edwardstoodandlightlytossedhimthecamera.

Iwent to standbesideEdward,and thearrangement felt formalandstrange tome. He put one hand lightly on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm moresecurelyaroundhiswaist.Iwantedtolookathisface,butIwasafraidto.

"Smile,Bella,"Charlieremindedmeagain.Itookadeepbreathandsmiled.Theflashblindedme.

"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie said then, shoving the camera into acreviceofthesofacushionsandrollingoverit."Youdon'thavetousethewholerollnow."Edwarddroppedhishandfrommyshoulderandtwistedcasuallyoutofmyarm.Hesatbackdowninthearmchair.

I hesitated, and then went to sit against the sofa again. I was suddenly sofrightenedthatmyhandswereshaking.Ipressedthemintomystomachtohidethem, put my chin on my knees and stared at the TV screen in front of me,seeingnothing.

Whentheshowended, Ihadn'tmovedan inch.Outof thecornerofmyeye, IsawEdwardstand."I'dbettergethome,"hesaid.Charliedidn'tlookupfromthe

commercial."Seeya."

Igotawkwardlytomyfeet–Iwasstifffromsittingsostill–andfollowedEdwardoutthefrontdoor.Hewentstraighttohiscar.

"Willyoustay?"Iasked,nohopeinmyvoice.Iexpectedhisanswer,soitdidn'thurtasmuch."Nottonight."Ididn'taskforareason.

HegotinhiscaranddroveawaywhileIstoodthere,unmoving.Ibarelynoticedthat itwasraining.Iwaited,withoutknowingwhatIwaitedfor,until thedooropenedbehindme."Bella,whatareyoudoing?"Charlieasked,surprisedtoseemestandingtherealoneanddripping.

"Nothing."Iturnedandtrudgedbacktothehouse.Itwasalongnight,withlittleinthewayofrest.

I got up as soon as there was a faint light outsidemywindow. I dressed forschoolmechanically,waitingforthecloudstobrighten.WhenIhadeatenabowlofcereal,Idecidedthatitwaslightenoughforpictures.Itookoneofmytruck,and then the front of the house. I turned and snapped a few of the forest byCharlie's house. Funny how it didn't seem sinister like it used to. I realized Iwouldmissthis–thegreen,thetimelessness,themysteryofthewoods.Allofit.

IputthecamerainmyschoolbagbeforeIleft.Itriedtoconcentrateonmynewproject rather than the fact that Edward apparently hadn't gotten over thingsduringthenight.Alongwiththefear,Iwasbeginningtofeelimpatience.Howlongcouldthislast?

It lasted through themorning.Hewalkedsilentlybesideme,neverseeming toactually lookatme. I tried toconcentrateonmyclasses,butnotevenEnglishcould hold my attention. Mr. Berty had to repeat his question about LadyCapulet twice before I realized he was talking to me. Edward whispered thecorrectanswerunderhisbreathandthenwentbacktoignoringme.

Atlunch,thesilencecontinued.IfeltlikeIwasgoingtostartscreamingatanymoment,so,todistractmyself,Ileanedacrossthetable'sinvisiblelineandspoketoJessica.

"Hey,Jess?""What'sup,Bella?"

"Couldyoudomeafavor?"Iasked,reachingintomybag."Mymomwantsmetoget somepictures ofmy friends for a scrapbook.So, take somepictures ofeverybody,okay?"

Ihandedherthecamera."Sure,"shesaid,grinning,andturnedtosnapacandid

shotofMikewithhismouthfull.

Apredictablepicturewarensued. Iwatched themhand thecameraaround thetable, giggling and flirting and complaining about being on film. It seemedstrangelychildish.MaybeIjustwasn'tinthemoodfornormalhumanbehaviortoday.

"Uh-oh,"Jessicasaidapologeticallyasshereturnedthecamera."Ithinkweusedallyourfilm.""That'sokay.IthinkIalreadygotpicturesofeverythingelseIneeded."

Afterschool,Edwardwalkedmebacktotheparkinglotinsilence.Ihadtoworkagain,andforonce,Iwasglad.Timewithmeobviouslywasn'thelpingthings.Maybetimealonewouldbebetter.

IdroppedmyfilmoffattheThriftwayonmywaytoNewton's,andthenpickedup the developed pictures after work. At home, I said a brief hi to Charlie,grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen, and hurried up tomy roomwith theenvelopeofphotographstuckedundermyarm.

I sat in the middle of my bed and opened the envelope with wary curiosity.Ridiculously,Istillhalfexpectedthefirstprinttobeablank.

WhenIpulleditout,Igaspedaloud.Edwardlookedjustasbeautifulashedidinreal life,staringatmeoutofthepicturewiththewarmeyesI'dmissedforthepastfewdays.Itwasalmostuncannythatanyonecouldlookso…so…beyonddescription.Nothousandwordscouldequalthispicture.

Iflippedthroughtherestofthestackquicklyonce,andthenlaidthreeofthemoutonthebedsidebyside.

ThefirstwasthepictureofEdwardinthekitchen,hiswarmeyestouchedwithtolerantamusement.ThesecondwasEdwardandCharlie,watchingESPN.Thedifference in Edward's expression was severe. His eyes were careful here,reserved. Still breathtakingly beautiful, but his face was colder, more like asculpture,lessalive.

The lastwas the picture of Edward andme standing awkwardly side by side.Edward'sfacewasthesameasthelast,coldandstatue-like.Butthatwasn'tthemosttroublingpartofthisphotograph.Thecontrastbetweenthetwoofuswaspainful.Helookedlikeagod.Ilookedveryaverage,evenforahuman,almostshamefullyplain.Iflippedthepictureoverwithafeelingofdisgust.

Insteadofdoingmyhomework,Istayeduptoputmypicturesintothealbum.

WithaballpointpenIscrawledcaptionsunderallthepictures,thenamesandthedates.IgottothepictureofEdwardandme,and,withoutlookingatittoolong,Ifoldeditinhalfandstuckitunderthemetaltab,Edward-sideup.

When I was done, I stuffed the second set of prints in a fresh envelope andpennedalongthank-youlettertoRenee.

Edwardstillhadn'tcomeover.Ididn'twanttoadmitthathewasthereasonI'dstayedup so late,butof coursehewas. I tried to remember the last timehe'dstayedawaylikethis,withoutanexcuse,aphonecall…Heneverhad.

Again,Ididn'tsleepwell.

School followed thesilent, frustrating, terrifyingpatternof the last twodays. Ifelt relief when I saw Edwardwaiting forme in the parking lot, but it fadedquickly.Hewasnodifferent,unlessmaybemoreremote.

Itwashardtoevenrememberthereasonforallthismess.Mybirthdayalreadyfelt likethedistantpast.IfonlyAlicewouldcomeback.Soon.Beforethisgotanymoreoutofhand.ButIcouldn'tcountonthat.Idecidedthat, ifIcouldn'ttalktohimtoday,reallytalk,thenIwasgoingtoseeCarlisletomorrow.Ihadtodosomething.Afterschool,EdwardandIweregoingtotalkitout,Ipromisedmyself.Iwasn'tacceptinganyexcuses.Hewalkedmetomytruck,andIsteeledmyselftomakemydemands."DoyoumindifIcomeovertoday?"heaskedbeforewegottothetruck,beatingmetothepunch.

"Ofcoursenot.""Now?"heaskedagain,openingmydoorforme.

"Sure,"Ikeptmyvoiceeven,thoughIdidn'tliketheurgencyinhistone."Iwasjust going to drop a letter forRenee in themailbox on theway. I'llmeet youthere."Helookedatthefatenvelopeonthepassengerseat.Suddenly,hereachedovermeandsnaggedit.

"I'lldoit,"hesaidquietly."AndI'llstillbeatyouthere."Hesmiledmyfavoritecrooked smile, but it was wrong. It didn't reach his eyes. "Okay," I agreed,unabletosmileback.Heshutthedoor,andheadedtowardhiscar.

Hedidbeatmehome.HewasparkedinCharlie'sspotwhenIpulledupinfrontofthehouse.Thatwasabadsign.Hedidn'tplantostay,then.Ishookmyheadandtookadeepbreath,tryingtolocatesomecourage.

HegotoutofhiscarwhenIsteppedoutofthetruck,andcametomeetme.Hereachedtotakemybookbagfromme.Thatwasnormal.Butheshoveditbackontotheseat.Thatwasnotnormal.

"Come forawalkwithme,"he suggested inanunemotionalvoice, takingmyhand.Ididn'tanswer. Icouldn't thinkofawaytoprotest,but I instantlyknewthatIwantedto.Ididn'tlikethis.Thisisbad,thisisverybad,thevoiceinmyheadrepeatedagainandagain.

Buthedidn'twaitforananswer.Hepulledmealongtowardtheeastsideoftheyard, where the forest encroached. I followed unwillingly, trying to thinkthroughthepanic.ItwaswhatIwanted,Iremindedmyself.Thechancetotalkitallthrough.Sowhywasthepanicchokingme?

We'dgoneonlyafewstepsintothetreeswhenhestopped.Wewerebarelyonthetrail–Icouldstillseethehouse.

Some walk. Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me, his expressionunreadable. "Okay, let's talk," I said. It sounded braver than it felt.He took adeepbreath."Bella,we'releaving."

I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I wasprepared.ButIstillhadtoask."Whynow?Anotheryear–""Bella,it'stime.HowmuchlongercouldwestayinForks,afterall?Carlislecanbarelypassforthirty,andhe'sclaimingthirty-threenow.We'dhavetostartoversoonregardless."

Hisanswerconfusedme.Ithoughtthepointofleavingwastolethisfamilyliveinpeace.Whydidwehavetoleaveiftheyweregoing?Istaredathim,tryingtounderstandwhathemeant.

Hestaredbackcoldly.Witharollofnausea,IrealizedI'dmisunderstood."Whenyousaywe–,"Iwhispered."Imeanmyfamilyandmyself."Eachwordseparateanddistinct.

I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waitedwithoutanysignofimpatience.IttookafewminutesbeforeIcouldspeak.

"Okay,"Isaid."I'llcomewithyou.""Youcan't,Bella.Wherewe'regoing…It'snottherightplaceforyou.""Whereyouareistherightplaceforme.""I'mnogoodforyou,Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous." Iwanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like Iwas

begging."You'retheverybestpartofmylife."

"Myworldisnotforyou,"hesaidgrimly."WhathappenedwithJasper–thatwasnothing,Edward!Nothing!""You'reright,"heagreed."Itwasexactlywhatwastobeexpected.""Youpromised!InPhoenix,youpromisedthatyouwouldstay–""Aslongasthatwasbestforyou,"heinterruptedtocorrectme.

"No!Thisisaboutmysoul,isn'tit?"Ishouted,furious,thewordsexplodingoutofme–somehowitstillsoundedlikeaplea."Carlisle toldmeabout that,andIdon'tcare,Edward.Idon'tcare!Youcanhavemysoul.Idon'twantitwithoutyou–it'syoursalready!"

Hetookadeepbreathandstared,unseeingly,atthegroundforalongmoment.His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes weredifferent,harder–liketheliquidgoldhadfrozensolid.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly andprecisely,hiscoldeyesonmyface,watchingasIabsorbedwhathewasreallysaying.There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, siftingthroughthemfortheirrealintent."You… don't… want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way theysounded,placedinthatorder.

"No."I stared,uncomprehending, intohis eyes.He staredbackwithoutapology.Hiseyeswere like topaz–hard andclear andverydeep. I felt like I could see intothemformilesandmiles,yetnowhereinrheirbottomlessdepthscouldIseeacontradictiontothewordhe'dspoken.

"Well, that changes things." I was surprised by how calm and reasonablemyvoicesounded.ItmustbebecauseIwassonumb.Icouldn'trealizewhathewastellingme.Itstilldidn'tmakeanysense.

He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. "Of course, I'll always loveyou…inaway.Butwhathappenedtheothernightmademerealizethatit'stimeforachange.BecauseI'm…tiredofpretendingtobesomethingI'mnot,Bella.Iamnothuman."Helookedback,andtheicyplanesofhisperfectfacewerenothuman."I'veletthisgoonmuchtoolong,andI'msorryforthat."

"Don't."My voicewas just awhisper now; awarenesswas beginning to seepthroughme,tricklinglikeacidthroughmyveins."Don'tdothis."

Hejuststaredatme,andIcouldseefromhiseyesthatmywordswerefartoolate.Healreadyhad."You'renotgoodforme,Bella."Heturnedhisearlierwordsaround,andsoIhadnoargument.HowwellIknewthatIwasn'tgoodenoughforhim.I opened my mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waitedpatiently,hisfacewipedcleanofallemotion.Itriedagain.

"If…that'swhatyouwant."Henoddedonce.Mywholebodywentnumb.Icouldn'tfeelanythingbelowtheneck."Iwouldliketoaskonefavor,though,ifthat'snottoomuch,"hesaid.

Iwonderwhathesawonmyface,becausesomethingflickeredacrosshisownfaceinresponse.But,beforeIcouldidentifyit,he'dcomposedhisfeaturesintothesameserenemask.

"Anything,"Ivowed,myvoicefaintlystronger.As I watched, his frozen eyesmelted. The gold became liquid again,molten,burningdownintominewithanintensitythatwasoverwhelming."Don'tdoanythingrecklessorstupid,"heordered,nolongerdetached."DoyouunderstandwhatI'msaying?"

Inoddedhelplessly.His eyescooled, thedistance returned. "I'm thinkingofCharlie,of course.Heneedsyou.Takecareofyourself–forhim."

Inoddedagain."Iwill,"Iwhispered.Heseemedtorelaxjustalittle.

"AndI'llmakeyouapromiseinreturn,"hesaid."Ipromisethatthiswillbethelasttimeyou'llseeme.Iwon'tcomeback.Iwon'tputyouthroughanythinglikethisagain.Youcangoonwithyourlifewithoutanymoreinterferencefromme.ItwillbeasifI'dneverexisted."

Mykneesmusthavestartedtoshake,becausethetreesweresuddenlywobbling.I couldhear thebloodpounding faster thannormalbehindmyears.Hisvoicesounded farther away. He smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human–yourmemoryisnomorethanasieve.Timehealsallwoundsforyourkind.""Andyourmemories?"Iasked.Itsoundedliketherewassomethingstuckinmythroat,likeIwaschoking."Well"–hehesitatedforashortsecond–"Iwon'tforget.Butmykind…we'reveryeasilydistracted."Hesmiled;thesmilewastranquilanditdidnottouchhiseyes.He tooka step away fromme. "That's everything, I suppose.Wewon't bother

you again." The plural caughtmy attention. That surprisedme; I would havethoughtIwasbeyondnoticinganything."Aliceisn'tcomingback,"Irealized.Idon'tknowhowheheardme–thewordsmadenosound–butheseemedtounderstand.

He shookhis head slowly, alwayswatchingmy face. "No.They're all gone. Istavedbehindtotellyougoodbye.""Aliceisgone?"Myvoicewasblankwithdisbelief. "Shewanted to saygoodbye, but I convincedher that a cleanbreakwouldbebetterforyou."

Iwasdizzy; itwashard toconcentrate.Hiswordsswirledaround inmyhead,andIheardthedoctorat thehospital inPhoenix, lastspring,asheshowedmetheX-rays.Youcanseeit'sacleanbreak,hisfingertracedalongthepictureofmyseveredbone.That'sgood.Itwillhealmoreeasily,morequickly.

I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find away out of thisnightmare."Goodbye,Bella,"hesaidinthesamequiet,peacefulvoice."Wait!"Ichokedout theword, reaching for him,willingmydeadened legs to carrymeforward.

I thought hewas reaching forme, too. But his cold hands locked aroundmywristsandpinnedthemtomysides.Heleaneddown,andpressedhislipsverylightlytomyforeheadforthebriefestinstant.Myeyesclosed.

"Takecareofyourself,"hebreathed,coolagainstmyskin.Therewasalight,unnaturalbreeze.Myeyesflashedopen.Theleavesonasmallvinemapleshudderedwiththegentlewindofhispassage.Hewasgone.

With shaky legs, ignoring the fact thatmy actionwasuseless, I followedhimintotheforest.Theevidenceofhispathhaddisappearedinstantly.Therewerenofootprints, the leaveswerestillagain,butIwalkedforwardwithout thinking. Icouldnotdoanythingelse.Ihadtokeepmoving.IfIstoppedlookingforhim,itwasover.

Love,life,meaning…over.

Iwalkedandwalked.TimemadenosenseasIpushedslowlythroughthethickundergrowth.Itwashourspassing,butalsoonlyseconds.MaybeitfeltliketimehadfrozenbecausetheforestlookedthesamenomatterhowfarIwent.Istartedtoworry that Iwas traveling in a circle, avery small circle at that, but I keptgoing.Istumbledoften,and,asitgrewdarkeranddarker,Ifelloften,too.

Finally, I trippedoversomething–itwasblacknow, Ihadno ideawhatcaughtmyfoot–andIstayeddown.Irolledontomyside,so thatIcouldbreathe,andcurleduponthewetbracken.

As I lay there, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. Icouldn't rememberhowlongithadbeensincenightfall.Was italwayssodarkhereatnight?Surely,asa rule, some littlebitofmoonlightwould filterdownthrough the clouds, through the chinks in the canopy of trees, and find theground.

Not tonight. Tonight the sky was utterly black. Perhaps there was no moontonight–alunareclipse,anewmoon.

Anewmoon.Ishivered,thoughIwasn'tcold.ItwasblackforalongtimebeforeIheardthemcalling.

Someonewasshoutingmyname.Itwasmuted,muffledbythewetgrowththatsurroundedme, but it was definitelymy name. I didn't recognize the voice. Ithoughtaboutanswering,butIwasdazed,andittookalongtimetocometotheconclusionthatIshouldanswer.Bythen,thecallinghadstopped.Sometimelater,therainwokemeup.Idon'tthinkI'dreallyfallenasleep;Iwasjust lost inanunthinkingstupor,holdingwithallmystrength to thenumbnessthatkeptmefromrealizingwhatIdidn'twanttoknow.

Therainbotheredmealittle.Itwascold.Iunwrappedmyarmsfromaroundmylegstocovermyface.

It was then that I heard the calling again. It was farther away this time, andsometimesitsoundedlikeseveralvoiceswerecallingatonce.Itriedtobreathedeeply.IrememberedthatIshouldanswer,butIdidn'tthinktheywouldbeabletohearme.WouldIbeabletoshoutloudenough?

Suddenly, there was another sound, startlingly close. A kind of snuffling, ananimal sound. It sounded big. Iwondered if I should feel afraid. I didn't–justnumb.Itdidn'tmatter.Thesnufflingwentaway.

The rain continued, and I could feel thewaterpoolingupagainstmycheek. IwastryingtogatherthestrengthtoturnmyheadwhenIsawthelight.

Atfirstitwasjustadimglowreflectingoffthebushesinthedistance.Itgrewbrighter and brighter, illuminating a large space unlike the focused beam of aflashlight.Thelightbrokethroughtheclosestbrush,andIcouldseethatitwasapropane lantern, but that was all I could see–the brightness blindedme for a

moment.

"Bella."Thevoicewasdeepandunfamiliar,butfullofrecognition.Hewasn'tcallingmynametosearch,hewasacknowledgingthatIwasfound.

I stared up–impossibly high it seemed–at the dark face that I could now seeaboveme. Iwas vaguely aware that the stranger probably only looked so tallbecausemyheadwasstillontheground.

"Haveyoubeenhurt?"I knew the words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. Howcouldthemeaningmatteratthispoint?

"Bella,mynameisSamUley."Therewasnothingfamiliarabouthisname."Charliesentmetolookforyou."

Charlie?Thatstruckachord,andI tried topaymoreattention towhathewassaying.Charliemattered,ifnothingelsedid.Thetallmanheldoutahand.Igazedatit,notsurewhatIwassupposedtodo.Hisblackeyesappraisedmeforasecond,andthenheshrugged.Inaquickandsupplenotion,hepulledmeupfromthegroundandintohisarms.Ihungthere,limp,ashelopedswiftlythroughthewetforest.Somepartofmeknew this should upset me–being carried away by a stranger. But there wasnothingleftinmetoupset.Itdidn'tseemliketoomuchtimepassedbeforetherewere lightsand thedeepbabbleofmanymalevoices.SamUleyslowedasheapproachedthecommotion."I'vegother!"hecalledinaboomingvoice.

Thebabbleceased,and thenpickedupagainwithmore intensity.Aconfusingswirloffacesmovedoverme.Sam'svoicewastheonlyonethatmadesenseinthechaos,perhapsbecausemyearwasagainsthischest.

"No, I don't think she's hurt," he told someone. "She just keeps saying 'He'sgone.'"WasIsayingthatoutloud?Ibitdownonmylip."Bella,honey,areyouallright?"ThatwasonevoiceIwouldknowanywhere–evendistorted,asitwasnow, with worry. "Charlie?" My voice sounded strange and small. "I'm righthere,baby."

There was a shifting under me, followed by the leathery smell of my dad'ssheriffjacket.Charliestaggeredundermyweight.

"MaybeIshouldholdontoher,"SamUleysuggested."I'vegother,"Charliesaid,alittlebreathless.

Hewalkedslowly,struggling.IwishedIcouldtellhimtoputmedownandletmewalk,butIcouldn'tfindmyvoice.Therewerelightseverywhere,heldbythecrowdwalkingwithhim.Itfeltlikeaparade.Orafuneralprocession.Iclosedmyeyes."We'realmosthomenow,honey,"Charliemumblednowandthen.

IopenedmyeyesagainwhenIheardthedoorunlock.Wewereontheporchofourhouse,andthetalldarkmannamedSamwasholdingthedoorforCharlie,onearmextendedtowardus,asifhewaspreparingtocatchmewhenCharlie'sarmsfailed.ButCharliemanagedtogetmethroughthedoorandtothecouchinthelivingroom.

"Dad,I'mallwet,"Iobjectedfeebly."Thatdoesn'tmatter."Hisvoicewasgruff.Andthenhewas talking tosomeoneelse."Blanketsare in thecupboardat thetopofthestairs.""Bella?" anewvoice asked. I lookedat thegray-hairedman leaningoverme,andrecognitioncameafterafewslowseconds.

"Dr.Gerandy?"Imumbled."That'sright,dear,"hesaid."Areyouhurt,Bella?"

Ittookmeaminutetothinkthatthrough.IwasconfusedbythememoryofSamUley'ssimilarquestioninthewoods.OnlySamhadaskedsomethingelse:Haveyoubeenhurt?he'dsaid.Thedifferenceseemedsignificantsomehow.

Dr.Gerandywaswaiting.Onegrizzled eyebrow rose, and thewrinklesonhisforeheaddeepened."I'mnothurt,"Ilied.Thewords,weretrueenoughforwhathe'dasked.Hiswarmhandtouchedmyforehead,andhisfingerspressedagainsttheinsideofmywrist.Iwatchedhislipsashecountedtohimself,hiseyesonhiswatch.

"Whathappenedtoyou?"heaskedcasually.Ifrozeunderhishand,tastingpanicinthebackofmythroat.

"Didyougetlostinthewoods?"heprodded.Iwasawareofseveralotherpeoplelistening. Three tall men with dark faces–from La Push, the Quileute Indianreservation down on the coastline, I guessed–Sam Uley among them, werestandingveryclosetogetherandstaringatme.Mr.NewtonwastherewithMikeandMr.Weber,Angela'sfather;theyallwerewatchingmemoresurreptitiouslythanthestrangers.Otherdeepvoicesrumbledfromthekitchenandoutsidethe

frontdoor.Halfthetownmusthavebeenlookingforme.

Charliewastheclosest.Heleanedintohearmyanswer."Yes,"Iwhispered."Igotlost."

The doctor nodded, thoughtful, his fingers probing gently against the glandsundermyjaw.Charlie'sfacehardened."Doyoufeeltired?"Dr.Gerandyasked.Inoddedandclosedmyeyesobediently.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with her," I heard the doctor mutter toCharlieafteramoment."Justexhaustion.Lethersleepitoff,andI'llcomecheckon her tomorrow," he paused. Hemust have looked at his watch, because headded,"Well,latertodayactually."

Therewas a creaking sound as they both pushed off from the couch to get totheirfeet."Isittrue?"Charliewhispered.Theirvoiceswerefartherawaynow.Istrainedtohear."Didtheyleave?"

"Dr.Cullenaskedusnottosayanything,"Dr.Gerandyanswered."Theofferwasverysudden;theyhadtochooseimmediately.Carlisledidn'twanttomakeabigproductionoutofleaving."

"Alittlewarningmighthavebeennice,"Charliegrumbled.Dr. Gerandy sounded uncomfortable when he replied. "Yes, well, in thissituation,somewarningmighthavebeencalledfor."Ididn'twant tolistenanymore.Ifeltaroundfor theedgeof thequiltsomeonehadlaidontopofme,andpulleditovermyear.

Idriftedinandoutofalertness.IheardCharliewhisperthankstothevolunteersas,onebyone,theyleft.Ifelthisfingersonmyforehead,andthentheweightofanotherblanket.Thephonerangafewtimes,andhehurriedtocatchitbeforeitcouldwakeme.Hemutteredreassurancesinalowvoicetothecallers.

"Yeah,wefoundher.She'sokay.Shegotlost.She'sfinenow,"hesaidagainandagain. Iheard thesprings in thearmchairgroanwhenhesettledhimself in forthenight.Afewminuteslater,thephonerangagain.

Charliemoanedashestruggledtohisfeet,andthenherushed,stumbling,tothekitchenIpulledmyheaddeeperundertheblankets,notwantingtolistentothesameconversationagain.

"Yeah,"Charliesaid,andyawned.

His voice changed, it was much more alert when he spoke again. "Where?'"

There was a pause. "You're sure it's outside the reservation?" Another shortpause. "But what could be burning out there?" He sounded both worried andmystified."Look,I'llcalldownthereandcheckitout."

Ilistenedwithmoreinterestashepunchedinanumber.

"Hey, Billy, it's Charlie–sorry I'm calling so early… no, she's fine. She'ssleeping… Thanks, but that's not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs.Stanley,andshesaysthatfromhersecond-storywindowshecanseefiresoutontheseacliffs,butIdidn'treally…Oh!"Suddenlytherewasanedgeinhisvoice–irritation…oranger."Andwhyaretheydoingthat?Uhhuh.Really?"Hesaiditsarcastically."Well,don'tapologizetome.Yeah,yeah.Justmakesuretheflamesdon't spread… I know, I know, I'm surprised they got them lit at all in thisweather."

Charliehesitated,andthenaddedgrudgingly."ThanksforsendingSamandtheotherboysup.Youwereright–theydoknowtheforestbetterthanwedo.ItwasSamwhofoundher,soIoweyouone…Yeah,I'lltalktoyoulater,"heagreed,stillsour,beforehangingup.

Charliemuttered something incoherent ashe shuffledback to the living room."What'swrong?"Iasked.Hehurriedtomyside."I'msorryIwokeyou,honey.""Issomethingburning?""It'snothing,"heassuredme."Just somebonfiresouton the cliffs." "Bonfires?" I asked.My voice didn't sound curious. It soundeddead.Charliefrowned."Someofthekidsfromthereservationbeingrowdy,"heexplained."Why?"Iwondereddully.

I could tell he didn't want to answer.He looked at the floor under his knees."They'recelebratingthenews."Histonewasbitter.

Therewasonlyonepieceofnews Icould thinkof, tryas Imightnot to.Andthenthepiecessnappedtogether."BecausetheCullensleft,"Iwhispered."Theydon'tliketheCullensinLaPush–I'dforgottenaboutthat."

TheQuileuteshad their superstitionsabout the"coldones," theblood-drinkersthatwereenemiestotheirtribe,justliketheyhadtheirlegendsofthegreatfloodandwolf-menancestors.Juststories,folklore,tomostofthem.Thentherewerethe few that believed.Charlie's good friendBillyBlackbelieved, though evenJacob,hisownson,thoughthewasfullofstupidsuperstitions.BillyhadwarnedmetostayawayfromtheCullens…

The name stirred something insideme, something that began to claw its waytowardthesurface,somethingIknewIdidn'twanttoface.

"It'sridiculous,"Charliespluttered.Wesatinsilenceforamoment.Theskywasno longer black outside thewindow.Somewhere behind the rain, the sunwasbeginningtorise.

"Bella?" Charlie asked. I looked at him uneasily. "He left you alone in thewoods?"Charlieguessed.

Ideflectedhisquestion."Howdidyouknowwheretofindme?"Mymindshiedawayfromtheinevitableawarenessthatwascoming,comingquicklynow.

"Yournote,"Charlieanswered.surprised.Hereachedintothebackpocketofhisjeansandpulledoutamuch-abusedpieceofpaper.Itwasdirtyanddamp,withmultiple creases from being opened and refoldedmany times. He unfolded itagain,andhelditupasevidence.Themessyhandwritingwasremarkablyclosetomyown.

GoingforawalkwithEdward,upthepath,itsaid.Backsoon,B."When you didn't come back, I called the Cullens, and no one answered,"Charliesaidinalowvoice."ThenIcalledthehospital,andDr.GerandytoldmethatCarlislewasgone."

"Wheredidtheygo?"Imumbled.Hestaredatme."Didn'tEdwardtellyou?"

Ishookmyhead,recoiling.Thesoundofhisnameunleashedthethingthatwasclawinginsideofme–apainthatknockedmebreathless,astonishedmewithitsforce.Charlieeyedmedoubtfullyasheanswered."CarlisletookajobwithabighospitalinLosAngeles.Iguesstheythrewalotofmoneyathim."SunnyL.A.The last place theywould really go. I rememberedmy nightmarewiththemirror…thebrightsunlightshimmeringoffofhisskin–Agonyrippedthroughmewiththememoryofhisface."IwanttoknowifEdwardleftyoualoneoutthereinthemiddleofthewoods,"Charlieinsisted.

His name sent anotherwave of torture throughme. I shookmy head, frantic,desperatetoescapethepain."Itwasmyfault.Heleftmerighthereonthetrail,insightofthehouse…butItriedtofollowhim."

Charliestartedtosaysomething;childishly,Icoveredmyears."Ican'ttalkaboutthisanymore,Dad.Iwanttogotomyroom."Beforehecouldanswer,Iscrambledupfromthecouchandlurchedmywayupthestairs.

Someonehadbeen in thehouse to leaveanote forCharlie, anote thatwouldleadhimtofindme.FromtheminutethatI'drealizedthis,ahorriblesuspicionbegantogrowinmyhead.Irushedtomyroom,shuttingandlockingthedoorbehindmebeforeIrantotheCDplayerbymybed.

EverythinglookedexactlythesameasI'dleftit.IpresseddownonthetopoftheCDplayer.Thelatchunhooked,andthelidslowlyswungopen.Itwasempty.ThealbumReneehadgivenmesatonthefloorbesidethebed,justwhereI'dputitlast.Iliftedthecoverwithashakinghand.

Ididn't have to flip any farther than the firstpage.The littlemetal cornersnolonger held a picture in place. The page was blank except for my ownhandwritingscrawledacrossthebottom:EdwardCullen,Charlie'skitchen,Sept.13th.

Istoppedthere.Iwassurethathewouldhavebeenverythorough.ItwillbeasifI'dneverexisted,he'dpromisedme.

I felt the smoothwooden floor beneathmy knees, and then the palms ofmyhands,andthenitwaspressedagainsttheskinofmycheek.IhopedthatIwasfainting, but, tomydisappointment, I didn't lose consciousness.Thewaves ofpainthathadonlylappedatmebeforenowrearedhighupandwashedovermyhead,pullingmeunder.

Ididnotresurface.OCTOBERNOVEMBERDECEMBERJANUARY4.WAKINGUP

TIME PASSES. EVENWHEN IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE. EVENwhen eachtickofthesecondhandacheslikethepulseofbloodbehindabruise.Itpassesunevenly,instrangelurchesanddragginglulls,butpassitdoes.Evenforme.

CHARLIE'S FISTCAMEDOWNONTHETABLE. "THAT'S IT, Bella! I'msendingyouhome."

Ilookedupfrommycereal,whichIwasponderingratherthaneating,andstaredatCharlie in shock. I hadn't been following the conversation–actually, I hadn'tbeenawarethatwewerehavingaconversation–andIwasn'tsurewhathemeant.

"Iamhome,"Imumbled,confused."I'msendingyoutoRenee,toJacksonville,"heclarified.CharliewatchedwithexasperationasIslowlygraspedthemeaningofhiswords.

"WhatdidIdo?"Ifeltmyfacecrumple.Itwassounfair.Mybehaviorhadbeenabovereproachforthepastfourmonths.Afterthatfirstweek,whichneitherofus evermentioned, I hadn'tmissed a day of school orwork.My gradeswereperfect. I never broke curfew–I never went anywhere from which to breakcurfewinthefirstplace.Ionlyveryrarelyservedleftovers.

Charliewasscowling."Youdidn'tdoanything.That'stheproblem.Youneverdoanything."

"Youwantmetogetintotrouble?"Iwondered,myeyebrowspullingtogetherinmystification.Imadeanefforttopayattention.Itwasn'teasy.Iwassousedtotuningeverythingout,myearsfeltstoppedup.

"Troublewouldbebetterthanthis…thismopingaroundallthetime!"That stung a bit. I'd been careful to avoid all forms of moroseness, mopingincluded."Iamnotmopingaround."

"Wrongword,"hegrudginglyconceded."Mopingwouldbebetter–thatwouldbedoingsomething.You'rejust…lifeless,Bella.Ithinkthat'sthewordIwant."

Thisaccusationstruckhome.Isighedandtriedtoputsomeanimationintomyresponse. "I'm sorry, Dad."My apology sounded a little flat, even to me. I'dthought I'd been fooling him. Keeping Charlie from suffering was the wholepointofallthiseffort.Howdepressingtothinkthattheefforthadbeenwasted.

"Idon'twantyoutoapologize."Isighed."Thentellmewhatyoudowantmetodo."

"Bella,"hehesitated,scrutinizingmyreactiontohisnextwords."Honey,you'renotthefirstpersontogothroughthiskindofthing,youknow."

"Iknowthat."Myaccompanyinggrimacewaslimpandunimpressive."Listen,honey.Ithinkthat–thatmaybeyouneedsomehelp.""Help?"

Hepaused,searchingfor thewordsagain."Whenyourmother left,"hebegan,frowning,"and tookyouwithher."He inhaleddeeply."Well, thatwasa reallybadtimeforme.""Iknow,Dad,"Imumbled.

"But I handled it," he pointed out. "Honey, you're not handling it. Iwaited, Ihopeditwouldgetbetter."HestaredatmeandIlookeddownquickly."Ithinkwebothknowit'snotgettingbetter."

"I'mfine."He ignored me. "Maybe, well, maybe if you talked to someone about it. A

professional."

"Youwantmetoseeashrink?"MyvoicewasashadesharperasIrealizedwhathewasgettingat.

"Maybeitwouldhelp.""Andmaybeitwouldn'thelponelittlebit."

I didn't knowmuch about psychoanalysis, but I was pretty sure that it didn'twork unless the subjectwas relatively honest. Sure, I could tell the truth–if Iwantedtospendtherestofmylifeinapaddedcell.

He examinedmy obstinate expression, and switched to another line of attack."It'sbeyondme,Bella.Maybeyourmother–""Look," I said in a flat voice. "I'll goout tonight, if youwant. I'll call JessorAngela.""That'snotwhatIwant,"heargued,frustrated."Idon'tthinkIcanlivethroughseeingyoutryharder.I'veneverseenanyonetryingsohard.Ithurtstowatch."

I pretended to be dense, looking down at the table. "I don't understand, Dad.First you'remad because I'm not doing anything, and then you say you don'twantmetogoout.""Iwantyoutobehappy–no,noteventhatmuch.Ijustwantyou not to bemiserable. I think you'll have a better chance if you get out ofForks."

Myeyes flashedupwith the first small sparkof feeling I'dhad in too long tocontemplate."I'mnotleaving,"Isaid."Whynot?"hedemanded."I'minmylastsemesterofschool–itwouldscreweverythingup.""You'reagoodstudent–you'llfigureitout.""Idon'twanttocrowdMomandPhil.""Yourmother'sbeendyingtohaveyouback.""Floridaistoohot."

His fist camedownon the tableagain. "Webothknowwhat's reallygoingonhere,Bella,andit'snotgoodforyou."Hetookadeepbreath."It'sbeenmonths.Nocalls,noletters,nocontact.Youcan'tkeepwaitingforhim."

Igloweredathim.Theheatalmost,butnotquite,reachedmyface.IthadbeenalongtimesinceI'dblushedwithanyemotion.

Thiswholesubjectwasutterlyforbidden,ashewaswellaware."I'mnotwaitingfor anything. I don't expect anything," I said in a low monotone. "Bella–,"Charliebegan,hisvoicethick.

"Ihavetogettoschool,"I interrupted,standingupandyankingmyuntouchedbreakfastfromthetable.Idumpedmybowlinthesinkwithoutpausingtowash

itout.Icouldn'tdealwithanymoreconversation.

"I'llmake planswith Jessica," I called overmy shoulder as I strapped onmyschoolbag,notmeetinghiseyes."MaybeIwon'tbehomefordinner.We'llgotoPortAngelesandwatchamovie."

Iwasoutthefrontdoorbeforehecouldreact.

InmyhastetogetawayfromCharlie,Iendedupbeingoneofthefirstonestoschool.Theplus sidewas that Igota reallygoodparkingspot.ThedownsidewasthatIhadfreetimeonmyhands,andItriedtoavoidfreetimeatallcosts.

Quickly, before I could start thinking aboutCharlie's accusations, I pulled outmyCalculusbook.I flippeditopento thesectionweshouldbestartingtoday,andtriedtomakesenseofit.Readingmathwasevenworsethanlisteningtoit,but Iwasgettingbetterat it. In the lastseveralmonths, I'dspent ten times theamountoftimeonCalculusthanI'deverspentonmathbefore.Asaresult,Iwasmanaging to keep in the range of a low A. I knew Mr. Varner felt myimprovementwasallduetohissuperiorteachingmethods.Andifthatmadehimhappy,Iwasn'tgoingtobursthisbubble.

Iforcedmyselftokeepatituntiltheparkinglotwasfull,andIendeduprushingtoEnglish.WewereworkingonAnimalFarm, aneasysubjectmatter. Ididn'tmindcommunism;itwasawelcomechangefromtheexhaustingromancesthatmadeupmostofthecurriculum.Isettledintomyseat,pleasedbythedistractionofMr.Berty'slecture.

Timemovedeasilywhile Iwas inschool.Thebell rangall toosoon. I startedrepackingmybag.

"Bella?" I recognizedMike'svoice,and Iknewwhathisnextwordswouldbebeforehesaidthem."Areyouworkingtomorrow?"

Ilookedup.Hewasleaningacrosstheaislewithananxiousexpression.EveryFridayheaskedmethesamequestion.NevermindthatIhadn'ttakensomuchas a sickday.Well,with one exception,months ago.But he hadno reason tolookatmewithsuchconcern.Iwasamodelemployee.

"TomorrowisSaturday,isn'tit?"Isaid.HavingjusthaditpointedouttomebyCharlie,Irealizedhowlifelessmyvoicereallysounded."Yeah,itis,"heagreed."SeeyouinSpanish."Hewavedoncebeforeturninghisback.Hedidn'tbotherwalkingmetoclassanymore.ItrudgedofftoCalculuswithagrimexpression.ThiswastheclasswhereIsat

nexttoJessica.

Ithadbeenweeks,maybemonths,sinceJesshadevengreetedmewhenIpassedherinthehall.IknewIhadoffendedherwithmyantisocialbehavior,andshewassulking.Itwasn'tgoingtobeeasytotalktohernow–especiallytoaskhertodo me a favor. I weighed my options carefully as I loitered outside theclassroom,procrastinating.

Iwasn't about to faceCharlieagainwithout somekindof social interaction toreport.IknewIcouldn'tlie,thoughthethoughtofdrivingtoPortAngelesandbackalone–beingsuremyodometerreflectedthecorrectmileage,justincasehechecked–wasverytempting.Jessica'smomwasthebiggestgossipintown,andCharliewas bound to run intoMrs. Stanley sooner rather than later.Whenhedid,hewouldnodoubtmentionthetrip.Lyingwasout.

Withasigh,Ishovedthedooropen.

Mr.Varnergavemeadarklook–he'dalreadystartedthelecture.Ihurriedtomyseat.Jessicadidn'tlookupasIsatnexttoher.IwasgladthatIhadfiftyminutestomentallypreparemyself.

ThisclassflewbyevenfasterthanEnglish.Asmallpartofthatspeedwasduetomygoody-goodypreparation thismorning in the truck–butmostly it stemmedfromthefactthattimealwaysspedupwhenIwaslookingforwardtosomethingunpleasant.

IgrimacedwhenMr.Varnerdismissed theclass fiveminutesearly.Hesmiledlikehewasbeingnice.

"Jess?"MynosewrinkledasIcringed,waitingforhertoturnonme.Shetwistedinherseattofaceme,eyeingmeincredulously."Areyoutalkingtome,Bella?""Ofcourse."Iwidenedmyeyestosuggestinnocence."What?DoyouneedhelpwithCalculus?"Hertonewasatadsour.

"No."Ishookmyhead."Actually, Iwanted toknowifyouwould…goto themovieswithme tonight? I really need a girls' night out." Thewords soundedstiff,likebadlydeliveredlines,andshelookedsuspicious.

"Whyareyouaskingme?"sheasked,stillunfriendly.

"You'rethefirstpersonIthinkofwhenIwantgirltime."Ismiled,andIhopedthesmilelookedgenuine.Itwasprobablytrue.ShewasatleastthefirstpersonIthoughtofwhenIwantedtoavoidCharlie.Itamountedtothesamething.

Sheseemedalittlemollified."Well,Idon'tknow."

"Doyouhaveplans?""No…IguessIcangowithyou.Whatdoyouwanttosee?"

"I'mnot surewhat's playing," I hedged.Thiswas the trickypart. I rackedmybrain for a clue–hadn't I heard someone talk about a movie recently? Seen aposter?"Howaboutthatonewiththefemalepresident?"

Shelookedatmeoddly."Bella,thatone'sbeenoutofthetheaterforever.""Oh."Ifrowned."Isthereanythingyou'dliketosee?"

Jessica'snaturalbubblinessstartedtoleakoutinspiteofherselfasshethoughtoutloud."Well,there'sthatnewromanticcomedythat'sgettinggreatreviews.Iwanttoseethatone.AndmydadjustsawDeadEndandhereallylikedit."

Igraspedatthepromisingtitle."What'sthatoneabout?""Zombies or something.He said it was the scariest thing he'd seen in years.""Thatsoundsperfect."I'dratherdealwithrealzombiesthanwatcharomance.

"Okay." She seemed surprised bymy response. I tried to remember if I likedscarymovies,butIwasn'tsure."Doyouwantmetopickyouupafterschool?"sheoffered."Sure."Jessica smiled atmewith tentative friendliness before she left.My answeringsmilewasjustalittlelate,butIthoughtthatshesawit.

Therestofthedaypassedquickly,mythoughtsfocusedonplanningfortonight.Iknew fromexperience thatonce Igot Jessica talking, Iwouldbeable togetawaywithafewmumbledresponsesattheappropriatemoments.Onlyminimalinteractionwouldberequired.

The thick haze that blurred my days now was sometimes confusing. I wassurprisedwhenI foundmyself inmyroom,notclearly remembering thedrivehomefromschoolorevenopeningthefrontdoor.Butthatdidn'tmatter.LosingtrackoftimewasthemostIaskedfromlife.

Ididn'tfightthehazeasIturnedtomycloset.Thenumbnesswasmoreessentialinsomeplacesthaninothers.IbarelyregisteredwhatIwaslookingatasIslidthedoorasidetorevealthepileofrubbishontheleftsideofmycloset,undertheclothesIneverwore.

Myeyesdidnotstraytowardtheblackgarbagebagthatheldmypresentfromthatlastbirthday,didnotseetheshapeofthestereowhereitstrainedagainsttheblack plastic; I didn't think of the bloody mess my nails had been when I'd

finishedclawingitoutofthedashboard.

I yanked theoldpurse I rarelyusedoff thenail it hung from, and shoved thedoorshut.JustthenIheardahornhonking.Iswiftlytradedmywalletfrommyschoolbag into thepurse. Iwas inahurry,as if rushingwouldsomehowmakethe night pass more quickly. I glanced at myself in the hall mirror before Iopenedthedoor,arrangingmyfeaturescarefullyintoasmileandtryingtoholdthemthere.

"Thanksforcomingwithmetonight,"ItoldJessasIclimbedintothepassengerseat,tryingtoinfusemytonewithgratitude.IthadbeenawhilesinceI'dreallythoughtaboutwhat Iwas saying toanyonebesidesCharlie. Jesswasharder. Iwasn'tsurewhichweretherightemotionstofake.

"Sure.So,whatbroughtthison?"Jesswonderedasshedrovedownmystreet."Broughtwhaton?"

"Whydidyou suddenlydecide… togoout?" It sounded like she changedherquestionhalfwaythrough.Ishrugged."Justneededachange."Irecognizedthesongontheradiothen,andquicklyreachedforthedial."Doyoumind?"Iasked."No, go ahead." I scanned through the stations until I found one that washarmless.IpeekedatJess'sexpressionasthenewmusicfilledthecar.

Hereyessquinted."Sincewhendoyoulistentorap?""Idon'tknow,"Isaid."Awhile.""Youlikethis?"sheaskeddoubtfully."Sure."

ItwouldbemuchtoohardtointeractwithJessicanormallyifIhadtoworktotuneoutthemusic,too.Inoddedmyhead,hopingIwasintimewiththebeat.

"Okay…"Shestaredoutthewindshieldwithwideeyes."Sowhat'supwithyouand Mike these days?" I asked quickly. "You see him more than I do." Thequestionhadn'tstartedhertalkinglikeI'dhopeditwould.

"It'shardtotalkatwork,"Imumbled,andthenItriedagain."Haveyoubeenoutwithanyonelately?""Not really. I gooutwithConner sometimes. Iwent outwithEric twoweeksago."Sherolledhereyes,andIsensedalongstory.Iclutchedattheopportunity."EricYorkie?Whoaskedwho?"

She groaned, gettingmore animated. "He did, of course! I couldn't think of anicewaytosayno.""Where did he take you?" I demanded, knowing she would interpret my

eagernessasinterest."Tellmeallaboutit."

Shelaunchedintohertale,andIsettledintomyseat,morecomfortablenow.Ipaidstrictattention,murmuringinsympathyandgaspinginhorrorascalledfor.When she was finished with her Eric story, she continued into a Connercomparisonwithoutanyprodding.

Themoviewasplayingearly,soJessthoughtweshouldhitthetwilightshowingandeatlater.Iwashappytogoalongwithwhatevershewanted;afterall,IwasgettingwhatIwanted–Charlieoffmyback.

IkeptJesstalkingthroughthepreviews,soIcouldignorethemmoreeasily.ButI got nervous when the movie started. A young couple was walking along abeach, swinging hands and discussing their mutual affection with gooeyfalseness. I resisted the urge to cover my ears and start humming. I had notbargainedforaromance.

"Ithoughtwepickedthezombiemovie,"IhissedtoJessica."Thisisthezombiemovie.""Thenwhyisn'tanyonegettingeaten?"Iaskeddesperately.

Shelookedatmewithwideeyesthatwerealmostalarmed."I'msurethatpart'scoming,"shewhispered.

"I'mgettingpopcorn.Doyouwantany?""No,thanks."Someoneshushedusfrombehind.

Itookmytimeattheconcessioncounter,watchingtheclockanddebatingwhatpercentage of a ninety-minutemovie could be spent on romantic exposition. Idecidedtenminuteswasmorethanenough,butIpausedjustinsidethetheaterdoorstobesure.Icouldhearhorrifiedscreamsblaringfromthespeakers,soIknewI'dwaitedlongenough.

"Youmissedeverything,"JessmurmuredwhenIslidbackintomyseat."Almosteveryoneisazombienow.""Longline."Iofferedhersomepopcorn.Shetookahandful.

The restof themoviewascomprisedofgruesomezombieattacksandendlessscreaming from the handful of people left alive, their numbers dwindlingquickly.Iwouldhavethoughttherewasnothinginthattodisturbme.ButIfeltuneasy,andIwasn'tsurewhyatfirst.

Itwasn't until almost the very end, as Iwatched a haggard zombie shambling

afterthelastshriekingsurvivor,thatIrealizedwhattheproblemwas.Thescenekeptcuttingbetweenthehorrifiedfaceoftheheroine,andthedead,emotionlessfaceofherpursuer,backandforthasitclosedthedistance.

And I realizedwhichone resembledme themost. I stoodup. "Whereareyougoing?There's,like,twominutesleft,"Jesshissed."Ineedadrink,"ImutteredasIracedfortheexit.

Isatdownonthebenchoutsidethetheaterdoorandtriedveryhardnottothinkof the irony.But itwas ironic, all things considered, that, in the end, Iwouldwindupasazombie.Ihadn'tseenthatonecoming.

Not that I hadn't dreamed of becoming amythicalmonster once–just never agrotesque,animatedcorpse. I shookmyhead todislodge that trainof thought,feelingpanicky.Icouldn'taffordtothinkaboutwhatI'doncedreamedof.

ItwasdepressingtorealizethatIwasn'ttheheroineanymore,thatmystorywasover.

Jessicacameoutof the theaterdoorsandhesitated,probablywonderingwherethebestplacewastosearchforme.Whenshesawme,shelookedrelieved,butonlyforamoment.Thenshelookedirritated.

"Wasthemovietooscaryforyou?"shewondered."Yeah,"Iagreed."IguessI'mjustacoward."

"That'sfunny."Shefrowned."Ididn'tthinkyouwerescared–Iwasscreamingallthetime,butIdidn'thearyouscreamonce.SoIdidn'tknowwhyyouleft."Ishrugged."Justscared."Sherelaxedalittle."ThatwasthescariestmovieI thinkI'veeverseen.I'llbetwe'regoingtohavenightmarestonight."

"Nodoubtaboutthat,"Isaid,tryingtokeepmyvoicenormal.Itwasinevitablethat I would have nightmares, but they wouldn't be about zombies. Her eyesflashedtomyfaceandaway.MaybeIhadn'tsucceededwiththenormalvoice.

"Wheredoyouwanttoeat?"Jessasked."Idon'tcare.""Okay."Jessstartedtalkingaboutthemaleleadinthemovieaswewalked.Inoddedasshegushedoverhishotness,unable to remember seeinganon-zombiemanatall.

Ididn'twatchwhere Jessicawas leadingme. Iwasonlyvaguelyaware that it

wasdarkandquieternow.Ittookmelongerthanitshouldhavetorealizewhyitwasquiet.Jessicahadstoppedbabbling.Ilookedatherapologetically,hopingIhadn'thurtherfeelings.

Jessicawasn't lookingatme.Herfacewastense;shestaredstraightaheadandwalkedfast.AsIwatched,hereyesdartedquicklytotheright,acrosstheroad,andbackagain.Iglancedaroundmyselfforthefirsttime.

Wewereon a short stretchof unlit sidewalk.The little shops lining the streetwere all locked up for the night, windows black. Half a block ahead, thestreetlights started up again, and I could see, farther down, the bright goldenarchesoftheMcDonald'sshewasheadingfor.

Acrossthestreettherewasoneopenbusiness.Thewindowswerecoveredfrominside and therewere neon signs, advertisements for different brands of beer,glowinginfrontof them.Thebiggestsign, inbrilliantgreen,was thenameofthebar–One-EyedPete's.Iwonderediftherewassomepiratethemenotvisiblefromoutside.Themetaldoorwasproppedopen;itwasdimlylitinside,andthelowmurmur of many voices and the sound of ice clinking in glasses floatedacrossthestreet.Loungingagainstthewallbesidethedoorwerefourmen.

IglancedbackatJessica.Hereyeswerefixedonthepathaheadandshemovedbriskly. She didn't look frightened–just wary, trying to not attract attention toherself.

Ipausedwithout thinking, lookingbackat thefourmenwithastrongsenseofdéjàvu.Thiswasadifferentroad,adifferentnight,butthescenewassomuchthesame.Oneofthemwasevenshortanddark.AsIstoppedandturnedtowardthem,thatonelookedupininterest.

Istaredbackathim,frozenonthesidewalk."Bella?"Jesswhispered."Whatareyou doing?" I shook my head, not sure myself. "I think I know them…" Imuttered.

Whatwas I doing? I should be running from thismemory as fast as I could,blockingtheimageofthefourloungingmenfrommymind,protectingmyselfwiththenumbnessIcouldn'tfunctionwithout.WhywasIstepping,dazed,intothestreet?

It seemed too coincidental that I should be inPortAngeleswith Jessica, on adarkstreeteven.Myeyesfocusedontheshortone,tryingtomatchthefeaturestomymemoryofthemanwhohadthreatenedmethatnightalmostayearago.IwonderediftherewasanywayIwouldrecognizetheman,ifitwasreallyhim.

That particular part of that particular evening was just a blur. My bodyremembered it better than my mind did; the tension in my legs as I tried todecide whether to run or to stand my ground, the dryness in my throat as Istruggledtobuildadecentscream,thetightstretchofskinacrossmyknucklesas I clenchedmyhands into fists, thechillson thebackofmyneckwhen thedark-hairedmancalledme"sugar."…Therewasan indefinite, impliedkindofmenacetothesementhathadnothingtodowiththatothernight.Itsprungfromthefactthattheywerestrangers,anditwasdarkhere,andtheyoutnumberedus–nothingmorespecificthanthat.ButitwasenoughthatJessica'svoicecrackedinpanicasshecalledafterme.

"Bella,comeon!"

I ignored her, walking slowly forward without ever making the consciousdecision tomovemyfeet. Ididn'tunderstandwhy,but thenebulous threat themenpresenteddrewmetowardthem.Itwasasenselessimpulse,butIhadn'tfeltanykindofimpulseinsolong…Ifollowedit.

Somethingunfamiliarbeatthroughmyveins.Adrenaline,Irealized,longabsentfrom my system, drumming my pulse faster and fighting against the lack ofsensation. It was strange–why the adrenaline when there was no fear? It wasalmostasifitwereanechoofthelasttimeI'dstoodlikethis,onadarkstreetinPortAngeleswithstrangers.

Isawnoreasonforfear.Icouldn'timagineanythingintheworldthattherewaslefttobeafraidof,notphysicallyatleast.Oneofthefewadvantagesoflosingeverything.

IwashalfwayacrossthestreetwhenJesscaughtuptomeandgrabbedmyarm."Bella!Youcan'tgoinabar!"shehissed."I'm not going in," I said absently, shaking her hand off. "I just want to seesomething…""Areyoucrazy?"shewhispered."Areyousuicidal?"Thatquestioncaughtmyattention,andmyeyesfocusedonher.

"No, I'm not."My voice sounded defensive, but itwas true. Iwasn't suicidal.Even in thebeginning,whendeathunquestionablywouldhavebeena relief, Ididn'tconsiderit.IowedtoomuchtoCharlie.IfelttooresponsibleforRenee.Ihadtothinkofthem.

And I'd made a promise not to do anything stupid or reckless. For all thosereasons,Iwasstillbreathing.Rememberingthatpromise.Ifeltatwingeofguilt.

butwhatIwasdoingfightnowdidn'treallycount.Itwasn'tlikeIwastakingabladetomywrists.Jess's eyeswere round, hermouth hung open.Her question about suicide hadbeenrhetorical,Irealizedtoolate."Goeat,"Iencouragedher,wavingtowardthefastfood.Ididn'tlikethewayshelookedatme."I'llcatchupinaminute."

I turnedaway fromher, back to themenwhowerewatchinguswith amused,curiouseyes."Bella,stopthisrightnow!"

My muscles locked into place, froze me where I stood. Because it wasn'tJessica'svoice thatrebukedmenow.Itwasafuriousvoice,afamiliarvoice,abeautifulvoice–softlikevelveteventhoughitwasirate.

Itwashis voice–Iwas exceptionally careful not to think his name–and Iwassurprisedthatthesoundofitdidnotknockmetomyknees,didnotcurlmeontothepavementinatortureofloss.Buttherewasnopain,noneatall.

IntheinstantthatIheardhisvoice,everythingwasveryclear.Likemyheadhadsuddenlysurfacedoutofsomedarkpool.Iwasmoreawareofeverything–sight,sound,thefeelofthecoldairthatIhadn'tnoticedwasblowingsharplyagainstmyface,thesmellscomingfromtheopenbardoor.

Ilookedaroundmyselfinshock."GobacktoJessica,"thelovelyvoiceordered,stillangry."Youpromised–nothingstupid."

Iwasalone.Jessicastoodafewfeetfromme,staringatmewithfrightenedeyes.Againstthewall,thestrangerswatched,confused,wonderingwhatIwasdoing,standingtheremotionlessinthemiddleofthestreet.

Ishookmyhead, tryingtounderstand.Iknewhewasn't there,andyet,hefeltimprobablyclose,closeforthefirsttimesince…sincetheend.Theangerinhisvoice was concern, the same anger that was once very familiar–something Ihadn'theardinwhatfeltlikealifetime.

"Keepyourpromise."Thevoicewasslippingaway,asifthevolumewasbeingturneddownonaradio.Ibegan tosuspect that Iwashavingsomekindofhallucination.Triggered,nodoubt,bythememory–thedejavu,thestrangefamiliarityofthesituation.Iranthroughthepossibilitiesquicklyinmyhead.Option one: I was crazy. That was the layman's term for people who heardvoicesintheirheads.Possible.

Option two:My subconsciousmindwas givingmewhat it thought Iwanted.This was wish fulfillment–a momentary relief from pain by embracing theincorrect idea thathe caredwhether I livedordied.Projectingwhathewouldhave said if A) he were here, and B) he would be in any way bothered bysomethingbadhappeningtome.Probable.

Icouldseenooptionthree,soIhopeditwasthesecondoptionandthiswasjustmy subconscious running amuck, rather than something I would need to behospitalizedfor.

Myreactionwashardlysane,though–Iwasgrateful.Thesoundofhisvoicewassomething that I'd feared Iwas losing, and so,more than anything else, I feltoverwhelming gratitude that my unconscious mind had held onto that soundbetterthanmyconsciousonehad.

Iwasnotallowedtothinkofhim.ThatwassomethingI triedtobeverystrictabout.OfcourseIslipped;Iwasonlyhuman.ButIwasgettingbetter,andsothepainwassomethingIcouldavoidfordaysatatimenow.Thetradeoffwasthenever-endingnumbness.Betweenpainandnothing,I'dchosennothing.

Iwaitedforthepainnow.Iwasnotnumb–mysensesfeltunusuallyintenseaftersomanymonthsofthehaze–butthenormalpainheldoff.Theonlyachewasthedisappointmentthathisvoicewasfading.

Therewasasecondofchoice.Thewise thingwouldbe torunawayfromthispotentially destructive–and certainly mentally unstable–development. It wouldbestupidtoencouragehallucinations.

But his voice was fading. I took another step forward, testing. "Bella, turnaround,"hegrowled.

I sighed in relief. The anger was what I wanted to hear–false, fabricatedevidencethathecared,adubiousgiftfrommysubconscious.

Very few seconds had passed while I sorted this all out. My little audiencewatched,curious.ItprobablylookedlikeIwasjustditheringoverwhetherornotIwasgoingtoapproachthem.HowcouldtheyguessthatIwasstandingthereenjoyinganunexpectedmomentofinsanity?

"Hi,"oneofthemencalled,histonebothconfidentandabitsarcastic.Hewasfair-skinned and fair-haired, and he stoodwith the assurance of someonewhothoughtofhimselfasquitegood-looking.Icouldn'ttellwhetherhewasornot.I

wasprejudiced.

The voice in my head answered with an exquisite snarl. I smiled, and theconfidentmanseemedtotakethatasencouragement."CanIhelpyouwithsomething?Youlooklost."Hegrinnedandwinked.

I stepped carefully over the gutter, running with water that was black in thedarkness."No.I'mnotlost."

NowthatIwascloser–andmyeyesfeltoddlyinfocus–Ianalyzedtheshort,darkman's face. It was not familiar in any way. I suffered a curious sensation ofdisappointment that this was not the terrible man who had tried to hurt mealmostayearago.

Thevoice inmyheadwasquietnow.Theshortmannoticedmystare. "Can Ibuyyouadrink?"heoffered,nervous,seemingflatteredthatI'dsingledhimouttostareat.

"I'mtooyoung,"Iansweredautomatically.Hewasbaffled–wonderingwhyIhadapproached them. I felt compelled to explain. "From across the street, youlookedlikesomeoneIknew.Sorry,mymistake."

Thethreat thathadpulledmeacrossthestreethadevaporated.Thesewerenotthe dangerousmen I remembered. Theywere probably nice guys. Safe. I lostinterest."That'sokay," theconfidentblondesaid."Stayandhangoutwithus.""Thanks,butIcan't."Jessicawashesitatinginthemiddleofthestreet,hereyeswidewithoutrageandbetrayal.

"Oh,justafewminutes."Ishookmyhead,andturnedtorejoinJessica.

"Let'sgoeat,"Isuggested,barelyglancingather.ThoughIappearedtobe,forthemoment,freedofthezombieabstraction,Iwasjustasdistant.Mymindwaspreoccupied. The safe, numb deadness did not come back, and I got moreanxiouswitheveryminutethatpassedwithoutitsreturn.

"Whatwereyouthinking?"Jessicasnapped."Youdon'tknowthem–theycouldhavebeenpsychopaths!"

I shrugged,wishing shewould let it go. "I just thought I knew the one guy.""Youaresoodd,BellaSwan.I feel likeIdon'tknowwhoyouare.""Sorry."Ididn'tknowwhatelsetosaytothat.

WewalkedtoMcDonald'sinsilence.I'dbetthatshewaswishingwe'dtakenhercarinsteadofwalkingtheshortdistancefromthetheater,sothatshecouldusethedrive-through.ShewasjustasanxiousnowforthiseveningtobeoverasI

hadbeenfromthebeginning.

I tried to start a conversation a few times while we ate, but Jessica was notcooperative.Imusthavereallyoffendedher.

Whenwegobackinthecar,shetunedthestereobacktoherfavoritestationandturnedthevolumetooloudtoalloweasyconversation.Ididn'thavetostruggleashardasusual to ignore themusic.Eventhoughmymind,foronce,wasnotcarefullynumbandempty,Ihadtoomuchtothinkabouttohearthelyrics.

I waited for the numbness to return, or the pain. Because the pain must becoming. I'd broken my personal rules. Instead of shying away from thememories,I'dwalkedforwardandgreetedthem.I'dheardhisvoice,soclearly,inmyhead.Thatwasgoingtocostme,Iwassureofit.EspeciallyifIcouldn'treclaimthehazetoprotectmyself.Ifelttooalert,andthatfrightenedme.

Butreliefwasstill thestrongestemotioninmybody–reliefthatcamefromtheverycoreofmybeing.

As much as I struggled not to think of him, I did not struggle to forget. Iworried–lateinthenight,whentheexhaustionofsleepdeprivationbrokedownmy defenses–that itwas all slipping away. That mymind was a sieve, and Iwouldsomedaynotbeabletoremembertheprecisecolorofhiseyes,thefeelofhiscoolskin,or the textureofhisvoice. Icouldnot thinkof them,but Imustrememberthem.

BecausetherewasjustonethingthatIhadtobelievetobeabletolive–Ihadtoknowthatheexisted.Thatwasall.EverythingelseIcouldendure.Solongasheexisted.

That'swhy Iwasmore trapped inForks than I ever had been before,why I'dfoughtwithCharliewhenhesuggestedachange.Honestly, itshouldn'tmatter;noonewasevercomingbackhere.

ButifIweretogotoJacksonville,oranywhereelsebrightandunfamiliar,howcould I be sure hewas real? In a placewhere I could never imagine him, theconvictionmightfade…andthatIcouldnotlivethrough.

Forbiddentoremember,terrifiedtoforget;itwasahardlinetowalk.

IwassurprisedwhenJessicastoppedthecarinfrontofmyhouse.Theridehadnottakenlong,but,shortasitseemed,Iwouldn'thavethoughtthatJessicacouldgothatlongwithoutspeaking.

"Thanksforgoingoutwithme,Jess,"IsaidasIopenedmydoor."Thatwas…fun."Ihopedthatfunwastheappropriateword."Sure,"shemuttered."I'msorryabout…afterthemovie.""Whatever,Bella."Sheglaredoutthewindshieldinsteadoflookingatme.Sheseemedtobegrowingangrierratherthangettingoverit.

"SeeyouMonday?""Yeah.Bye."Igaveupandshutthedoor.Shedroveaway,stillwithoutlookingatme.I'dforgottenherbythetimeIwasinside.

Charliewaswaitingformeinthemiddleofthehall,hisarmsfoldedtightoverhischestwithhishandsballedintofists."Hey,Dad,"IsaidabsentmindedlyasIduckedaroundCharlie,headingforthestairs. I'd been thinking about him for too long, and I wanted to be upstairsbefore it caught up with me. "Where have you been?" Charlie demanded. Ilookedatmydad, surprised. "Iwent to amovie inPortAngeleswith Jessica.LikeItoldyouthismorning."

"Humph,"hegrunted."Isthatokay?"

He studied my face, his eyes widening as if he saw something unexpected."Yeah,that'sfine.Didyouhavefun?"

"Sure,"Isaid."Wewatchedzombieseatpeople.Itwasgreat."Hiseyesnarrowed."'Night,Dad."Heletmepass.Ihurriedtomyroom.I lay in my bed a few minutes later, resigned as the pain finally made itsappearance.

It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punchedthroughmychest,excisingmymostvitalorgansand leavingragged,unhealedgashesaroundtheedgesthatcontinuedtothrobandbleeddespitethepassageoftime.Rationally,Iknewmylungsmuststillbeintact,yetIgaspedforairandmyheadspunlikemyeffortsyieldedmenothing.Myheartmusthavebeenbeating,too,butIcouldn'thearthesoundofmypulseinmyears;myhandsfeltbluewithcold.Icurledinward,huggingmyribstoholdmyselftogether.Iscrambledformynumbness,mydenial,butitevadedme.

Andyet,IfoundIcouldsurvive.Iwasalert,Ifeltthepain–theachinglossthatradiatedoutfrommychest,sendingwrackingwavesofhurt throughmylimbsandhead–but itwasmanageable. I could live through it. It didn't feel like the

painhadweakenedovertime,ratherthatI'dgrownstrongenoughtobearit.

Whateveritwasthathadhappenedtonight–andwhetheritwasthezombies,theadrenaline,orthehallucinationsthatwereresponsible–ithadwokenmeup.Forthefirsttimeinalongtime,Ididn'tknowwhattoexpectinthemorning.5.CHEATER

"BELLA, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE OFF," MIKE SUGGESTED, his eyesfocusedofftotheside,notreallylookingatme.Iwonderedhowlongthathadbeengoingonwithoutmenoticing.

ItwasaslowafternoonatNewton's.Atthemomenttherewereonlytwopatronsin thestore,dedicatedbackpackers fromthesoundof theirconversation.Mikehad spent the last hour going through the pros and cons of two brands oflightweight packswith them.But they'd taken a break from serious pricing toindulgeintryingtoone-upeachotherwiththeirlatesttalesfromthetrail.TheirdistractionhadgivenMikeachancetoescape.

"I don't mind staying," I said. I still hadn't been able to sink back into myprotectiveshellofnumbness,andeverythingseemedoddlycloseandloudtoday,like I'd taken cotton out of my ears. I tried to tune out the laughing hikerswithoutsuccess.

"I'mtellingyou,"saidthethicksetmanwiththeorangebeardthatdidn'tmatchhisdarkbrownhair."I'veseengrizzliesprettycloseupinYellowstone,buttheyhad nothing on this brute." His hair was matted, and his clothes looked likethey'dbeenonhisbackformorethanafewdays.Freshfromthemountains.

"Not a chance. Black bears don't get that big. The grizzlies you saw wereprobably cubs."The secondmanwas tall and lean, his face tanned andwind-whippedintoanimpressiveleatherycrust.

"Seriously, Bella, as soon as these two give up, I'm closing the place down,"Mikemurmured."Ifyouwantmetogo…"Ishrugged.

"Onallfoursitwastallerthanyou,"thebeardedmaninsistedwhileIgatheredmythingstogether."Bigasahouseandpitch-black.I'mgoingtoreportittotheranger here. People ought to bewarned–thiswasn't up on themountain,mindyou–thiswasonlyafewmilesfromthetrailhead."

Leather-facelaughedandrolledhiseyes."Letmeguess–youwereonyourwayin?Hadn'teatenrealfoodorsleptoffthegroundinaweek,right?"

"Hey,uh,Mike,right?"thebeardedmancalled,lookingtowardus.

"SeeyouMonday,"Imumbled."Yes,sir,"Mikereplied,turningaway."Say,havetherebeenanywarningsaroundhererecently–aboutblackbears?"

"No,sir.Butit'salwaysgoodtokeepyourdistanceandstoreyourfoodcorrectly.Haveyouseenthenewbear-safecanisters?Theyonlyweightwopounds…"Thedoorsslidopentoletmeoutintotherain.Ihunchedoverinsidemyjacketas I dashed for my truck. The rain hammering against my hood soundedunusuallyloud,too,butsoontheroaroftheenginedrownedouteverythingelse.

I didn't want to go back to Charlie's empty house. Last night had beenparticularlybrutal,andIhadnodesiretorevisitthesceneofthesuffering.Evenafterthepainhadsubsidedenoughformetosleep,itwasn'tover.LikeI'dtoldJessicaafterthemovie,therewasneveranydoubtthatIwouldhavenightmares.

I always had nightmares now, every night. Not nightmares really, not in theplural,becauseitwasalwaysthesamenightmare.You'dthinkI'dgetboredaftersomanymonths,growimmunetoit.Butthedreamneverfailedtohorrifyme,andonlyendedwhenIwokemyselfwithscreaming.Charliedidn'tcomein toseewhatwaswronganymore,tomakesuretherewasnointruderstranglingmeorsomethinglikethat–hewasusedtoitnow.

Mynightmareprobablywouldn't even frighten someone else.Nothing jumpedout and screamed, "Boo!"Therewerenozombies, noghosts, nopsychopaths.Therewasnothing,really.Onlynothing.Justtheendlessmazeofmoss-coveredtrees, so quiet that the silence was an uncomfortable pressure against myeardrums.Itwasdark,likeduskonacloudyday,withonlyenoughlighttoseethattherewasnothingtosee.Ihurriedthroughthegloomwithoutapath,alwayssearching, searching, searching, gettingmore frantic as the time stretched on,trying tomove faster, though the speedmademe clumsy…Then therewouldcome the point inmydream–and I could feel it comingnow, but could neverseemtowakemyselfupbeforeithit–whenIcouldn'trememberwhatitwasthatIwas searching for.When I realized that therewas nothing to search for, andnothing to find.That thereneverhadbeenanythingmore than just thisempty,dreary wood, and there never would be anything more for me… nothing butnothing…

Thatwasusuallyaboutwhenthescreamingstarted.Iwasn'tpayingattentiontowhereIwasdriving–justwanderingthroughempty,wetsideroadsasIavoidedthewaysthatwouldtakemehome–becauseIdidn'thaveanywheretogo.

IwishedIcouldfeelnumbagain,but Icouldn't rememberhowI'dmanaged itbefore. The nightmare was nagging at my mind and making me think aboutthingsthatwouldcausemepain.Ididn'twanttoremembertheforest.EvenasIshudderedaway from the images, I feltmyeyes fillwith tears and theachingbeginaroundtheedgesoftheholeinmychest.Itookonehandfromthesteeringwheelandwrappeditaroundmytorsotoholditinonepiece.

Itwillbeas if I'dneverexisted .Thewords ran throughmyhead, lacking theperfectclarityofmyhallucination lastnight.Theywere justwords,soundless,like print on a page. Just words, but they ripped the hole wide open, and Istompedonthebrake,knowingIshouldnotdrivewhilethisincapacitated.

Icurledover,pressingmyfaceagainstthesteeringwheelandtryingtobreathewithoutlungs.

Iwondered how long this could last.Maybe someday, years from now–if thepainwould justdecrease to thepointwhere Icouldbear it–Iwouldbeable tolookbackonthosefewshortmonthsthatwouldalwaysbethebestofmylife.And,ifitwerepossiblethatthepainwouldeversoftenenoughtoallowmetodothat, Iwas sure that Iwould feel grateful for asmuch time as he'd givenme.MorethanI'daskedfor,morethanI'ddeserved.MaybesomedayI'dbeabletoseeitthatway.

Butwhatifthisholenevergotanybetter?Iftherawedgesneverhealed?Ifthedamagewaspermanentandirreversible?

Iheldmyselftightlytogether.Asifhe'dneverexisted,Ithoughtindespair.Whata stupid and impossible promise to make! He could steal my pictures andreclaimhisgifts,but thatdidn'tput thingsback theway they'dbeenbefore I'dmethim.Thephysicalevidencewasthemostinsignificantpartoftheequation.Iwaschanged,myinsidesalteredalmostpast thepointofrecognition.Evenmyoutsideslookeddifferent–myfacesallow,whiteexceptforthepurplecirclesthenightmareshadleftundermyeyes.Myeyesweredarkenoughagainstmypallidskin that–if Iwerebeautiful,andseenfromadistance–Imightevenpassforavampirenow.ButIwasnotbeautiful,andIprobablylookedclosertoazombie.

Asifhe'dneverexisted?Thatwasinsanity.Itwasapromisethathecouldneverkeep,apromisethatwasbrokenassoonashe'dmadeit.Ithumpedmyheadagainstthesteeringwheel,tryingtodistractmyselffromthesharperpain.

Itmademefeelsillyforeverworryingaboutkeepingmypromise.Wherewas

thelogicinstickingtoanagreementthathadalreadybeenviolatedbytheotherparty?Who cared if Iwas reckless and stupid?Therewas no reason to avoidrecklessness,noreasonwhyIshouldn'tgettobestupid.

I laughed humorlessly tomyself, still gasping for air. Reckless in Forks–nowtherewasahopelessproposition.

The dark humor distractedme, and the distraction eased the pain.My breathcame easier, and Iwas able to lean back against the seat.Though itwas coldtoday,myforeheadwasdampwithsweat.

I concentrated onmy hopeless proposition to keep from sliding back into theexcruciatingmemories.Tobe reckless inForkswould takea lotofcreativity–maybemorethanIhad.ButIwishedIcouldfindsomeway…Imightfeelbetterif Iweren'tholding fast, all alone, toabrokenpact. If Iwereanoath-breaker,too.Buthowcould I cheat onmy sideof thedeal, here in this harmless littletown?Ofcourse,Forkshadn'talwaysbeensoharmless,butnowitwasexactlywhatithadalwaysappearedtobe.Itwasdull,itwassafe.

Istaredoutthewindshieldforalongmoment,mythoughtsmovingsluggishly–Icouldn'tseemtomakethosethoughtsgoanywhere.Icuttheengine,whichwasgroaninginapitifulwayafteridlingforsolong,andsteppedoutintothedrizzle.

Thecoldraindrippedthroughmyhairandthentrickledacrossmycheekslikefreshwatertears.Ithelpedtoclearmyhead.Iblinkedthewaterfrommyeyes,staringblanklyacrosstheroad.

Afteraminuteofstaring,IrecognizedwhereIwas.I'dparkedinthemiddleofthenorthlaneofRussellAvenue.IwasstandinginfrontoftheCheneys'house–mytruckwasblockingtheirdriveway–andacrosstheroadlivedtheMarkses.IknewIneededtomovemytruck,andthatIoughttogohome.ItwaswrongtowanderthewayIhad,distractedandimpaired,amenaceontheroadsofForks.Besides,someonewouldnoticemesoonenough,andreportmetoCharlie.

As I took a deep breath in preparation to move, a sign in theMarkses' yardcaughtmyeye–itwasjustabigpieceofcardboardleaningagainsttheirmailboxpost,withblacklettersscrawledincapsacrossit.

Sometimes,kismethappens.

Coincidence?Orwasitmeanttobe?Ididn'tknow,butitseemedkindofsillytothinkthatitwassomehowfated,thatthedilapidatedmotorcyclesrustingintheMarkses' front yard beside the hand-printed FOR SALE, AS IS sign were

servingsomehigherpurposebyexistingthere,rightwhereIneededthemtobe.

So maybe it wasn't kismet. Maybe there were just all kinds of ways to bereckless,andIonlynowhadmyeyesopentothem.Recklessandstupid.ThosewereCharlie's twovery favoritewords toapply tomotorcycles.

Charlie'sjobdidn'tgetalotofactioncomparedtocopsinbiggertowns,buthedid get called in on traffic accidents.With the long,wet stretches of freewaytwistingandturningthroughtheforest,blindcornerafterblindcorner,therewasno shortage of that kind of action. But even with all the huge log-haulersbarrelingaround the turns,mostlypeoplewalkedaway.Theexceptions to thatrule were often on motorcycles, and Charlie had seen one too many victims,almost always kids, smeared on the highway.He'dmademe promise before Iwas ten that Iwould never accept a ride on amotorcycle.Even at that age, Ididn't have to think twice before promising. Who would want to ride amotorcyclehere?Itwouldbeliketakingasixty-mile-per-hourbath.

SomanypromisesIkept…Itclickedtogetherformethen.Iwantedtobestupidandreckless,andIwantedtobreakpromises.Whystopatone?

That'sasfarasI thought it through.Isloshed throughtherain to theMarkses'frontdoorandrangthebell.

One of the Marks boys opened the door, the younger one, the freshman. Icouldn'trememberhisname.Hissandyhaironlycameuptomyshoulder.Hehadnotroublerememberingmyname."BellaSwan?"heaskedinsurprise."Howmuch do youwant for the bike?" I panted, jerkingmy thumb overmyshouldertowardthesalesdisplay.

"Areyouserious?"hedemanded."OfcourseIam.""Theydon'twork."Isighedimpatiently–thiswassomethingI'dalreadyinferredfromthesign."Howmuch?"

"Ifyoureallywantone,justtakeit.Mymommademydadmovethemdowntotheroadsothey'dgetpickedupwiththegarbage."I glanced at the bikes again and saw that theywere resting on a pile of yardclippingsanddeadbranches."Areyoupositiveaboutthat?"

"Sure,youwanttoaskher?"

ItwasprobablybetternottoinvolveadultswhomightmentionthistoCharlie."No,Ibelieveyou.""Youwantmetohelpyou?"heoffered."They'renotlight.""Okay,thanks.Ionlyneedone,though.""Might as well take both," the boy said. "Maybe you could scavenge someparts."

He followedmeout into thedownpour andhelpedme loadbothof theheavybikesintothebackofmytruck.Heseemedeagertoberidofthem,soIdidn'targue."Whatareyougoingtodowiththem,anyway?"heasked."Theyhaven'tworkedin years." "I kind of guessed that," I said, shrugging.My spur-of-the-momentwhimhadn'tcomewithaplanintact."MaybeI'lltakethemtoDowling's."He snorted. "Dowling would charge more to fix them than they'd be worthrunning."

Icouldn'targuewiththat.JohnDowlinghadearnedareputationforhispricing;noonewenttohimexceptinanemergency.MostpeoplepreferredtomakethedriveuptoPortAngeles,iftheircarwasable.I'dbeenveryluckyonthatfront–I'dbeenworried,whenCharliefirstgiftedmemyancienttruck,thatIwouldn'tbeabletoaffordtokeepitrunning.ButI'dneverhadasingleproblemwithit,otherthanthescreaming-loudengineandthefifty-five-mile-per-hourmaximumspeedlimit.JacobBlackhadkeptitingreatshapewhenithadbelongedtohisfather,Billy…

Inspirationhit likeaboltof lightning–notunreasonable,considering thestorm."Youknowwhat?That'sokay.Iknowsomeonewhobuildscars."

"Oh.That'sgood."Hesmiledinrelief.HewavedasIpulledaway,stillsmiling.Friendlykid.

Idrovequicklyandpurposefullynow,inahurrytogethomebeforetherewastheslightestchanceofCharlieappearing,eveninthehighlyunlikelyeventthathemightknockoffearly.Idashedthroughthehousetothephone,keysstillinhand.

"ChiefSwan,please,"Isaidwhenthedeputyanswered."It'sBella.""Oh,hey,Bella,"DeputyStevesaidaffably."I'llgogethim."Iwaited."What'swrong,Bella?"Charliedemandedas soonashepickedup thephone."Can'tIcallyouatworkwithouttherebeinganemergency?"Hewasquietforaminute."Youneverhavebefore.Isthereanemergency?"

"No.I justwanteddirections to theBlacks'place–I'mnotsureIcanremembertheway.IwanttovisitJacob.Ihaven'tseenhiminmonths."When Charlie spoke again, his voice wasmuch happier. "That's a great idea,Bells.Doyouhaveapen?"

Thedirectionshegavemewereverysimple.IassuredhimthatIwouldbebackfordinner, thoughhe tried to tellmenot tohurry.Hewanted to joinmeinLaPush,andIwasn'thavingthat.

So itwaswithadeadline that Idrove tooquickly through the storm-darkenedstreetsoutoftown.IhopedIcouldgetJacobalone.BillywouldprobablytellonmeifheknewwhatIwasupto.

WhileIdrove,IworriedalittlebitaboutBilly'sreactiontoseeingme.Hewouldbetoopleased.InBilly'smind,nodoubt,thishadallworkedoutbetterthanhehaddared tohope.Hispleasureand reliefwouldonly remindmeof theone Icouldn'tbeartoberemindedof.Notagaintoday,Ipleadedsilently.Iwasspent.

The Blacks' house was vaguely familiar, a small wooden place with narrowwindows,thedullredpaintmakingitresembleatinybarn.Jacob'sheadpeeredoutofthewindowbeforeIcouldevengetoutofthetruck.Nodoubtthefamiliarroar of the engine had tipped him off to my approach. Jacob had been verygratefulwhenCharlieboughtBilly'struckforme,savingJacobfromhavingtodriveitwhenhecameofage.Ilikedmytruckverymuch,butJacobseemedtoconsiderthespeedrestrictionsashortcoming.

Hemetmehalfwaytothehouse.

"Bella!"Hisexcitedgrinstretchedwideacrosshisface,thebrightteethstandinginvividcontrasttothedeeprussetcolorofhisskin.I'dneverseenhishairoutofits usual ponytail before. It fell like black satin curtains on either side of hisbroadface.

Jacobhadgrownintosomeofhispotentialinthelasteightmonths.He'dpassedthat point where the softmuscles of childhood hardened into the solid, lankybuildofateenager;thetendonsandveinshadbecomeprominentunderthered-brownskinofhisarms,hishands.HisfacewasstillsweetlikeIrememberedit,though it had hardened, too–the planes of his cheekbones sharper, his jawsquaredoff,allchildishroundnessgone.

"Hey,Jacob!"Ifeltanunfamiliarsurgeofenthusiasmathissmile.IrealizedthatIwaspleasedtoseehim.Thisknowledgesurprisedme.Ismiledback,andsomethingclickedsilentlyintoplace,liketwocorresponding

puzzlepieces.I'dforgottenhowmuchIreallylikedJacobBlack.Hestoppedafewfeetawayfromme,andIstaredupathiminsurprise,leaningmyheadbackthoughtherainpeltedmyface."Yougrewagain!"Iaccusedinamazement.Helaughed,hissmilewideningimpossibly."Sixfive,"heannouncedwithself-satisfaction.Hisvoicewasdeeper,butithadthehuskytoneIremembered.

"Isitevergoingtostop?"Ishookmyheadindisbelief."You'rehuge.""Stillabeanpole,though."Hegrimaced."Comeinside!You'regettingallwet."

He led theway, twisting his hair in his big hands as hewalked. He pulled arubberbandfromhishippocketandwounditaroundthebundle."Hey,Dad," he called as he ducked toget through the front door. "Lookwhostoppedby."Billywasinthetinysquarelivingroom,abookinhishands.Hesetthebookinhislapandwheeledhimselfforwardwhenhesawme."Well,whatdoyouknow!It'sgoodtoseeyou,Bella."

Weshookhands.Minewaslostinhiswidegrasp."Whatbringsyououthere?EverythingokaywithCharlie?""Yes,absolutely.IjustwantedtoseeJacob–Ihaven'tseenhiminforever."

Jacob's eyes brightened atmywords. Hewas smiling so big it looked like itwouldhurthischeeks.

"Canyoustay fordinner?"Billywaseager, too. "No, I'vegot to feedCharlie,youknow.""I'llcallhimnow,"Billysuggested."He'salwaysinvited."

I laughed to hide my discomfort. "It's not like you'll never see me again. Ipromise I'll be back again soon–so much you'll get sick of me." After all, ifJacobcouldfixthebike,someonehadtoteachmehowtorideit.

Billychuckled in response."Okay,maybenext time.""So,Bella,whatdoyouwanttodo?"Jacobasked.

"Whatever. What were you doing before I interrupted?" I was strangelycomfortable here. It was familiar, but only distantly. There were no painfulremindersoftherecentpast.

Jacob hesitated. "I was just heading out to work on my car, but we can dosomethingelse…""No,that'sperfect!"I interrupted."I'dlovetoseeyourcar.""Okay," he said, not convinced. "It's out back, in the garage."Even better, Ithoughttomyself.IwavedatBilly."Seeyoulater."

Athickstandoftreesandshrubberyconcealedhisgaragefromthehouse.The

garagewasnomorethanacoupleofbigpreformedshedsthathadbeenboltedtogether with their interior walls knocked out. Under this shelter, raised oncinderblocks,waswhatlookedtomelikeacompletedautomobile.Irecognizedthesymbolonthegrille,atleast.

"WhatkindofVolkswagenisthat?"Iasked."It'sanoldRabbit–1986,aclassic.""How'sitgoing?"

"Almostfinished,"hesaidcheerfully.Andthenhisvoicedroppedintoa lowerkey."Mydadmadegoodonhispromiselastspring."

"Ah,"Isaid.He seemed to understand my reluctance to open the subject. I tried not torememberlastMayattheprom.Jacobhadbeenbribedbyhisfatherwithmoneyandcarpartstodeliveramessagethere.Billywantedmetostayasafedistancefromthemostimportantpersoninmylife.Itturnedoutthathisconcernwas,intheend,unnecessary.Iwasalltoosafenow.

ButIwasgoingtoseewhatIcoulddotochangethat."Jacob,whatdoyouknowaboutmotorcycles?"Iasked.

Heshrugged."Some.MyfriendEmbryhasadirtbike.Weworkonittogethersometimes.Why?"

"Well…" I pursedmy lips as I considered. Iwasn't sure if he could keep hismouthshut,butIdidn'thavemanyotheroptions."Irecentlyacquiredacoupleofbikes,andthey'renotinthegreatestcondition.Iwonderifyoucouldgetthemrunning?"

"Cool."Heseemedtrulypleasedbythechallenge.Hisfaceglowed."I'llgiveitatry."

I held up one finger in warning. "The thing is," I explained, "Charlie doesn'tapproveofmotorcycles.Honestly,he'dprobablybustaveininhisforeheadifheknewaboutthis.Soyoucan'ttellBilly."

"Sure,sure."Jacobsmiled."Iunderstand.""I'llpayyou,"Icontinued.Thisoffendedhim."No.Iwanttohelp.Youcan'tpayme."

"Well…howaboutatrade,then?"IwasmakingthisupasIwent,butitseemedreasonable enough. "I only need one bike–and I'll need lessons, too. So howaboutthis?I'llgiveyoutheotherbike,andthenyoucanteachme."

"Swee-eet."Hemadethewordintotwosyllables.

"Waitasec–areyoulegalyet?When'syourbirthday?""You missed it," he teased, narrowing his eyes in mock resentment. "I'msixteen.""Notthatyourageeverstoppedyoubefore,"Imuttered."Sorryaboutyourbirthday.""Don'tworryaboutit.Imissedyours.Whatareyou,forty?"Isniffed."Close.""We'llhaveajointpartytomakeupforit.""Soundslikeadate."Hiseyessparkledattheword.

IneededtoreignintheenthusiasmbeforeIgavehimthewrongidea–itwasjustthatithadbeenalongtimesinceI'dfeltsolightandbuoyant.Therarityofthefeelingmadeitmoredifficulttomanage.

"Maybewhen thebikesare finished–ourpresent toourselves," Iadded."Deal.Whenwill you bring them down?" I bitmy lip, embarrassed. "They're inmytruck now," I admitted. "Great."He seemed tomean it. "Will Billy see if webringthemaround?"Hewinkedatme."We'llbesneaky."

Weeasedaroundfromtheeast,stickingtothetreeswhenwewereinviewofthewindows,affectingacasual-lookingstroll,justincase.Jacobunloadedthebikesswiftlyfromthetruckbed,wheelingthemonebyoneintotheshrubberywhereIhid. It looked too easy for him–I'd remembered the bikes being much, muchheavierthanthat.

"Thesearen'thalfbad,"Jacobappraisedaswepushedthemthroughthecoverofthetrees."ThisoneherewillactuallybeworthsomethingwhenI'mdone–it'sanoldHarleySprint."

"Thatone'syours,then.""Areyousure?""Absolutely."

"These are going to take some cash, though," he said, frowning down at theblackenedmetal."We'llhavetosaveupforpartsfirst."

"Wenothing,"Idisagreed."Ifyou'redoingthisforfree,I'llpayfortheparts.""Idon'tknow…"hemuttered.

"I'vegot somemoney saved.College fund,youknow."College,schmollege, Ithoughttomyself.Itwasn'tlikeI'dsavedupenoughtogoanywherespecial–andbesides,IhadnodesiretoleaveForksanyway.WhatdifferencewoulditmakeifIskimmedalittlebitoffthetop?

Jacobjustnodded.Thisallmadeperfectsensetohim.

Aswe skulked back to themakeshift garage, I contemplatedmy luck.Only a

teenage boy would agree to this: deceiving both our parents while repairingdangerousvehiclesusingmoneymeantformycollegeeducation.Hedidn'tseeanythingwrongwiththatpicture.Jacobwasagiftfromthegods.

6.FRIENDS

THE MOTORCYCLES DIDN'T NEED TO BE HIDDEN ANY further thansimply placing them in Jacob's shed.Billy'swheelchair couldn'tmaneuver theunevengroundseparatingitfromthehouse.

Jacob startedpulling the first bike–the redone,whichwasdestined forme–topiecesimmediately.HeopenedupthepassengerdooroftheRabbitsoIcouldsiton the seat instead of the ground.While he worked, Jacob chattered happily,needingonlythelightestofnudgesfrommetokeeptheconversationrolling.Heupdatedmeontheprogressofhissophomoreyearofschool,runningonabouthisclassesandhistwobestfriends.

"QuilandEmbry?"Iinterrupted."Thoseareunusualnames."

Jacobchuckled."Quil'sisahand-me-down,andIthinkEmbrygotnamedafterasoapoperastar.Ican'tsayanything,though.Theyfightdirtyifyoustartontheirnames–they'lltagteamyou."

"Goodfriends."Iraisedoneeyebrow."No,theyare.Justdon'tmesswiththeirnames."Justthenacallechoedinthedistance."Jacob?"someoneshouted."IsthatBilly?"Iasked.

"No."Jacobduckedhishead,anditlookedlikehewasblushingunderhisbrownskin."Speakofthedevil,"hemumbled,"andthedevilshallappear."

"Jake?Areyououthere?"Theshoutingvoicewasclosernow."Yeah!"Jacobshoutedback,andsighed.

Wewaited through the short silence until two tall, dark-skinned boys strolledaroundthecornerintotheshed.

Onewasslender,andalmostastallasJacob.Hisblackhairwaschin-lengthandparteddownthemiddle,onesidetuckedbehindhisleftearwhiletherightsideswungfree.Theshorterboywasmoreburly.HiswhiteT-shirtstrainedoverhiswell-developed chest, andhe seemedgleefully consciousof that fact.His hairwassoshortitwasalmostabuzz.

Bothboysstoppedshortwhentheysawme.ThethinboyglancedswiftlybackandforthbetweenJacobandme,whilethebrawnyboykepthiseyesonme,a

slowsmilespreadingacrosshisface.

"Hey,guys,"Jacobgreetedthemhalfheartedly."Hey,Jake,"theshortonesaidwithoutlookingawayfromme.Ihadtosmileinresponse,hisgrinwassoimpish.WhenIdid,hewinkedatme."Hi,there."

"Quil, Embry–this is my friend, Bella." Quil and Embry, I still didn't knowwhichwaswhich,exchangeda loaded look. "Charlie'skid, right?" thebrawnyboyaskedme,holdingouthishand.

"That's right," I confirmed, shaking hands with him. His grasp was firm; itlookedlikehewasflexinghisbicep.

"I'mQuilAteara,"heannouncedgrandlybeforereleasingmyhand."Nicetomeetyou,Quil."

"Hey, Bella. I'm Embry, Embry Call–you probably already figured that out,though." Embry smiled a shy smile andwavedwith one hand,which he thenshovedinthepocketofhisjeans.

Inodded."Nicetomeetyou,too.""Sowhatareyouguysdoing?"Quilasked,stilllookingatme.

"BellaandIaregoingtofixupthesebikes,"Jacobexplainedinaccurately.Butbikesseemedtobethemagicword.BothboyswenttoexamineJacob'sproject,drilling him with educated questions. Many of the words they used wereunfamiliar to me, and I figured I'd have to have a Y chromosome to reallyunderstandtheexcitement.

TheywerestillimmersedintalkofpartsandpieceswhenIdecidedthatIneededtoheadbackhomebeforeCharlieshoweduphere.Withasigh,IslidoutoftheRabbit.Jacoblookedup,apologetic."We'reboringyou,aren'twe?""Naw."Anditwasn'talie.Iwasenjoyingmyself–howstrange."IjusthavetogocookdinnerforCharlie.""Oh…well,I'llfinishtakingtheseaparttonightandfigureoutwhatmorewe'llneedtogetstartedrebuildingthem.Whendoyouwanttoworkonthemagain?""CouldIcomebacktomorrow?"Sundayswerethebaneofmyexistence.Therewasneverenoughhomeworktokeepmebusy.

QuilnudgedEmbry'sarmandtheyexchangedgrins.Jacobsmiledindelight."Thatwouldbegreat!""Ifyoumakealist,wecangoshopforparts,"Isuggested.Jacob'sfacefellalittle."I'mstillnotsureIshouldletyoupayforeverything."

Ishookmyhead."Noway. I'mbankrolling thisparty.You justhave tosupplythelaborandexpertise."

EmbryrolledhiseyesatQuil."Thatdoesn'tseemright,"Jacobshookhishead."Jake,ifItookthesetoamechanic,howmuchwouldhechargeme?"Ipointedout. He smiled. "Okay, you're getting a deal." "Not to mention the ridinglessons,"Iadded.

QuilgrinnedwidelyatEmbryandwhispered something Ididn't catch. Jacob'shand flashed out to smack the back of Quil's head. "That's it, get out," hemuttered.

"No, really, I have to go," I protested, heading for the door. "I'll see youtomorrow,Jacob."AssoonasIwasoutofsight,IheardQuilandEmbrychorus,"Wooooo!"The soundof abrief scuffle followed, interspersedwith an "ouch"anda"hey!"

"Ifeitherofyousetsomuchasonetoeonmylandtomorrow…"IheardJacobthreaten.HisvoicewaslostasIwalkedthroughthetrees.

I giggled quietly.The soundmademy eyeswiden inwonder. Iwas laughing,actually laughing, and therewasn't even anyonewatching. I felt soweightlessthatIlaughedagain,justmakethefeelinglastlonger.

IbeatCharliehome.WhenhewalkedinIwasjusttakingthefriedchickenoutofthepanandlayingitonapileofpapertowels."Hey,Dad."Iflashedhimagrin.Shockflittedacrosshisfacebeforehepulledhis expression together. "Hey, honey," he said, his voice uncertain. "Did youhavefunwithJacob?"

Istartedmovingthefoodtothetable."Yeah,Idid.""Well,that'sgood."Hewasstillcautious."Whatdidyoutwodo?"

Nowitwasmyturntobecautious."Ihungoutinhisgarageandwatchedhimwork.Didyouknowhe'srebuildingaVolkswagen?"

"Yeah,IthinkBillymentionedthat."TheinterrogationhadtostopwhenCharliebeganchewing,buthecontinuedtostudymyfaceasheate.

After dinner, I dithered around, cleaning the kitchen twice, and then did myhomework slowly in the front roomwhile Charlie watched a hockey game. Iwaitedas longas I could,but finallyCharliementioned the latehour.When Ididn't respond,hegotup, stretched, and then left, turningout the lightbehind

him.Reluctantly,Ifollowed.

AsIclimbedthestairs,Ifeltthelastoftheafternoon'sabnormalsenseofwell-beingdrainfrommysystem,replacedbyadullfearatthethoughtofwhatIwasgoingtohavetolivethroughnow.

Iwasn'tnumbanymore.Tonightwould,nodoubt,beashorrificaslastnight.Ilay downonmybed and curled into a ball in preparation for the onslaught. Isqueezedmyeyesshutand…thenextthingInextIknew,itwasmorning.

Istaredatthepalesilverlightcomingthroughmywindow,stunned.Forthefirsttime in more than four months, I'd slept without dreaming. Dreaming orscreaming.Icouldn'ttellwhichemotionwasstronger–thereliefortheshock.

I lay still inmy bed for a fewminutes,waiting for it to come back.Becausesomethingmust be coming. If not the pain, then the numbness. I waited, butnothinghappened.IfeltmorerestedthanIhadinalongtime.

Ididn'ttrustthistolast.Itwasaslippery,precariousedgethatIbalancedon,anditwouldn't takemuch toknockmebackdown.Justglancingaroundmyroomwith these suddenly clear eyes–noticing how strange it looked, too tidy, like Ididn'tlivehereatall–wasdangerous.

Ipushedthatthoughtfrommymind,andconcentrated,asIgotdressed,onthefact that I was going to see Jacob again today. The thought made me feelalmost…hopeful.Maybeitwouldbethesameasyesterday.MaybeIwouldn'thave to remind myself to look interested and to nod or smile at appropriateintervals,thewayIhadtowitheveryoneelse.Maybe…butIwouldn'ttrustthisto last, either.Wouldn't trust it to be the same–so easy–as yesterday. I wasn'tgoingtosetmyselfupfordisappointmentlikethat.

At breakfast, Charlie was being careful, too. He tried to hide his scrutiny,keepinghiseyesonhiseggsuntilhethoughtIwasn'tlooking."Whatareyouuptotoday?"heasked,eyeingaloosethreadontheedgeofhiscufflikehewasn'tpayingmuchattentiontomyanswer.

"I'mgoingtohangoutwithJacobagain."Henoddedwithoutlookingup."Oh,"hesaid."Doyoumind?"Ipretendedtoworry."Icouldstay…"

Heglancedupquickly,ahintofpanicinhiseyes."No,no!Yougoahead.Harrywasgoingtocomeuptowatchthegamewithmeanyway."

"MaybeHarrycouldgiveBillyarideup,"Isuggested.Thefewerwitnessesthe

better."That'sagreatidea."

Iwasn'tsureif thegamewasjustanexcuseforkickingmeout,buthelookedexcitedenoughnow.Heheaded to thephonewhile Idonnedmyrain jacket. Ifelt self-conscious with the checkbook shoved in my jacket pocket. It wassomethingIneverused.

Outside, the rain camedown likewater slopped fromabucket. I had to drivemore slowly than I wanted to; I could hardly see a car length in front of thetruck.ButIfinallymadeitthroughthemuddylanestoJacob'shouse.BeforeI'dkilledtheengine,thefrontdooropenedandJacobcamerunningoutwithahugeblackumbrella.

HehelditovermydoorwhileIopenedit."Charliecalled–saidyouwereonyourway,"Jacobexplainedwithagrin.

Effortlessly,withouta consciouscommand to themusclesaroundmy lips,myansweringsmilespreadacrossmyface.Astrangefeelingofwarmthbubbledupinmythroat,despitetheicyrainsplatteringonmycheeks.

"Hi,Jacob.""GoodcalloninvitingBillyup."Hehelduphishandforahighfive.Ihadtoreachsohightoslaphishandthathelaughed.

HarryshoweduptogetBillyjustafewminuteslater.Jacobtookmeonabrieftourofhistinyroomwhilewewaitedtobeunsupervised."So where to, Mr. Goodwrench?" I asked as soon as the door closed behindBilly.

Jacobpulledafoldedpaperoutofhispocketandsmootheditout."We'llstartatthe dump first, see ifwe can get lucky. This could get a little expensive," hewarned me. "Those bikes are going to need a lot of help before they'll runagain."Myfacedidn'tlookworriedenough,sohecontinued."I'mtalkingaboutmaybemorethanahundreddollarshere."

I pulledmy checkbook out, fannedmyself with it, and rolledmy eyes at hisworries."We'recovered."

Itwas avery strangekindofday. I enjoyedmyself.Even at thedump, in theslopping rain and ankle-deep mud. I wondered at first if it was just theaftershock of losing the numbness, but I didn't think that was enough of anexplanation.IwasbeginningtothinkitwasmostlyJacob.Itwasn'tjustthathewasalwaysso

happytoseeme,orthathedidn'twatchmeoutofthecornerofhiseye,waitingfor me to do something that would mark me as crazy or depressed. It wasnothingthatrelatedtomeatall.

It was Jacob himself. Jacob was simply a perpetually happy person, and hecarried thathappinesswithhimlikeanaura,sharing itwithwhoeverwasnearhim. Like an earthbound sun,whenever someonewaswithin his gravitationalpull,Jacobwarmedthem.Itwasnatural,apartofwhohewas.NowonderIwassoeagertoseehim.

Evenwhenhecommentedonthegapingholeinmydashboard,itdidn'tsendmeintoapaniclikeitshouldhave.

"Didthestereobreak?"hewondered."Yeah,"Ilied.Hepokedaroundinthecavity."Whotookitout?There'salotofdamage…""Idid,"Iadmitted.Helaughed."Maybeyoushouldn'ttouchthemotorcyclestoomuch.""Noproblem."

According toJacob,wedidget luckyat thedump.Hewasveryexcitedaboutseveral grease-blackened pieces of twisted metal that he found; I was justimpressedthathecouldtellwhattheyweresupposedtobe.

FromtherewewenttotheCheckerAutoPartsdowninHoquiam.Inmytruck,itwas more than a two hour drive south on the winding freeway, but the timepassed easilywith Jacob.He chattered about his friends and his school, and Ifoundmyselfaskingquestions,notevenpretending, trulycurious tohearwhathehadtosay.

"I'mdoingallthetalking,"hecomplainedafteralongstoryaboutQuilandthetroublehe'dstirredupbyaskingoutasenior'ssteadygirlfriend."Whydon'tyoutakeaturn?What'sgoingoninForks?IthastobemoreexcitingthanLaPush."

"Wrong," I sighed. "There's really nothing. Your friends are a lot moreinterestingthanmine.Ilikeyourfriends.Quil'sfunny."

Hefrowned."IthinkQuillikesyou,too."Ilaughed."He'salittleyoungforme."

Jacob's frowndeepened."He'snot thatmuchyounger thanyou. It's justayearandafewmonths."I had a feelingweweren't talking aboutQuil anymore. I keptmyvoice light,teasing. "Sure, but, considering the difference in maturity between guys andgirls,don'tyouhavetocountthatindogyears?Whatdoesthatmakeme,abouttwelveyearsolder?"

He laughed, rollinghis eyes. "Okay,but if you'regoing toget picky like that,youhavetoaverageinsize,too.You'resosmall,I'llhavetoknocktenyearsoffyour total." "Five foot four is perfectly average." I sniffed. "It's not my faultyou'reafreak."

We bantered like that till Hoquiam, still arguing over the correct formula to

determineage–IlosttwomoreyearsbecauseIdidn'tknowhowtochangeatire,butgainedonebackforbeing inchargeof thebookkeepingatmyhouse–untilwewere inChecker,andJacobhadtoconcentrateagain.Wefoundeverythingleftonhislist,andJacobfeltconfidentthathecouldmakealotofprogresswithourhaul.

By the timewegotback toLaPush, Iwas twenty-threeandhewas thirty–hewasdefinitelyweightingskillsinhisfavor.

I hadn't forgotten the reason for what I was doing. And, even though I wasenjoyingmyselfmore than I'd thought possible, therewasno lesseningofmyoriginaldesire.Istillwantedtocheat.Itwassenseless,andIreallydidn'tcare.IwasgoingtobeasrecklessasIcouldpossiblymanageinForks.Iwouldnotbetheonlykeeperofanemptycontract.GettingtospendtimewithJacobwasjustamuchbiggerperkthanI'dexpected.

Billywasn'tbackyet,sowedidn'thavetobesneakyaboutunloadingourday'sspoils.AssoonaswehadeverythinglaidoutontheplasticfloornexttoJacob'stoolbox, he went right to work, still talking and laughing while his fingerscombedexpertlythroughthemetalpiecesinfrontofhim.

Jacob'sskillwithhishandswasfascinating.Theylookedtoobigforthedelicatetasks they performed with ease and precision. While he worked, he seemedalmostgraceful.Unlikewhenhewasonhis feet; there,hisheightandbigfeetmadehimnearlyasdangerousasIwas.

QuilandEmbrydidnotshowup,somaybehisthreatyesterdayhadbeentakenseriously.Thedaypassedtooquickly.ItgotdarkoutsidethemouthofthegaragebeforeIwasexpectingit,andthenweheardBillycallingforus.IjumpeduptohelpJacobputthingsaway,hesitatingbecauseIwasn'tsurewhatIshouldtouch."Justleaveit,"hesaid."I'llworkonitlatertonight.""Don'tforgetyourschoolworkoranything,"Isaid,feelingalittleguilty.Ididn'twanthimtogetintrouble.Thatplanwasjustforme."Bella?"BothourheadssnappedupasCharlie's familiarvoicewafted throughthetrees,soundingcloserthanthehouse."Shoot,"Imuttered."Coming!"Iyelledtowardthehouse.

"Let's go." Jacob smiled, enjoying the cloak-and-dagger.He snapped the lightoff,andforamomentIwasblind.Jacobgrabbedmyhandandtowedmeoutofthe garage and through the trees, his feet finding the familiar path easily.Hishandwasrough,andverywarm.

Despite the path,wewere both tripping over our feet in the darkness. Sowewerealsobothlaughingwhenthehousecameintoview.Thelaughterdidnotgodeep;itwaslightandsuperficial,butstillnice.Iwassurehewouldn'tnoticethefaint hint of hysteria. Iwasn't used to laughing, and it felt right and alsoverywrongatthesametime.

Charlie was standing under the little back porch, and Billy was sitting in thedoorwaybehindthem.

"Hey,Dad,"webothsaidat thesame time,and thatstartedus laughingagain.Charlie stared at me with wide eyes that flashed down to note Jacob's handaroundmine."Billyinvitedusfordinner,"Charliesaidtousinanabsentmindedtone."Mysupersecretrecipeforspaghetti.Handeddownforgenerations,"Billysaidgravely.Jacobsnorted."Idon'tthinkRagu'sactuallybeenaroundthatlong."

Thehousewas crowded.HarryClearwaterwas there, too,withhis family–hiswife,Sue,whomIknewvaguelyfrommychildhoodsummersinForks,andhistwochildren.Leahwasaseniorlikeme,butayearolder.Shewasbeautifulinanexotic way–perfect copper skin, glistening black hair, eyelashes like featherdusters–and preoccupied. She was on Billy's phone when we got in, and sheneverletitgo.Sethwasfourteen;hehungonJacob'severywordwithidolizingeyes.

Thereweretoomanyofusfor thekitchentable,soCharlieandHarrybroughtchairsouttotheyard,andweatespaghettioffplatesonourlapsinthedimlightfromBilly'sopendoor.Thementalkedaboutthegame,andHarryandCharliemade fishing plans. Sue teased her husband about his cholesterol and tried,unsuccessfully,toshamehimintoeatingsomethinggreenandleafy.Jacobtalkedmostly to me and Seth, who interrupted eagerly whenever Jacob seemed indangerofforgettinghim.Charliewatchedme,tryingtobeinconspicuousaboutit,withpleasedbutcautiouseyes.

Itwasloudandsometimesconfusingaseveryonetalkedovereveryoneelse,andthe laughter from one joke interrupted the telling of another. I didn't have tospeakoften,butIsmiledalot,andonlybecauseIfeltlikeit.Ididn'twanttoleave.

ThiswasWashington, though, and the inevitable rain eventually broke up theparty; Billy's living room was much too small to provide an option forcontinuingtheget-together.HarryhaddrivenCharliedown,sowerodetogetherinmytruckonthewaybackhome.Heaskedaboutmyday,andItoldmostlythe

truth–thatI'dgonewithJacobtolookatpartsandthenwatchedhimworkinhisgarage.

"You think you'll visit again anytime soon?" hewondered, trying to be casualaboutit."Tomorrowafterschool,"Iadmitted."I'lltakehomework,don'tworry.""Youbesuretodothat,"heordered,tryingtodisguisehissatisfaction.

Iwasnervouswhenwegottothehouse.Ididn'twanttogoupstairs.ThewarmthofJacob'spresencewasfadingand, initsabsence, theanxietygrewstronger.IwassureIwouldn'tgetawaywithtwopeacefulnightsofsleepinarow.

Toputbedtimeoff,Icheckedmye-mail;therewasanewmessagefromRenee.

She wrote about her day, a new book club that rilled the time slot of themeditationclassesshe'djustquit,herweeksubbinginthesecondgrade,missingherkindergarteners.ShewrotethatPhilwasenjoyinghisnewcoachingjob,andthattheywereplanningasecondhoneymoontriptoDisneyWorld.

AndInoticedthatthewholethingreadlikeajournalentry,ratherthanalettertosomeone else. Remorse flooded through me, leaving an uncomfortable stingbehind.SomedaughterIwas.

Iwrotebacktoherquickly,commentingoneachpartofherletter,volunteeringinformationofmyown–describing thespaghettipartyatBilly'sandhowI feltwatching Jacob build useful things out of small pieces of metal–awed andslightlyenvious.Imadenoreferencetothechangethisletterwouldbefromtheonesshe'dreceivedinthelastseveralmonths.IcouldbarelyrememberwhatI'dwritten to her even as recently as last week, but I was sure it wasn't veryresponsive. Themore I thought about it, the guiltier I felt; I reallymust haveworriedher.

Istayedupextralateafterthat,finishingmorehomeworkthanstrictlynecessary.ButneithersleepdeprivationnorthetimespentwithJacob–beingalmosthappyinashallowkindofway–couldkeepthedreamawayfortwonightsinarow.

Iwokeshuddering,myscreammuffledbythepillow.

Asthedimmorninglightfilteredthroughthefogoutsidemywindow,Ilaystillinbedandtriedtoshakeoff thedream.Therehadbeenasmalldifferencelastnight,andIconcentratedonthat.LastnightIhadnotbeenaloneinthewoods.SamUley–themanwhohadpulledmefrom the forest floor thatnight Icouldn'tbear to thinkofconsciously–wasthere. It was an odd, unexpected alteration. The man's dark eyes had been

surprisinglyunfriendly,filledwithsomesecrethedidn'tseeminclinedtoshare.I'd stared at him as often as my frantic searching had allowed; it made meuncomfortable, under all the usual panic, to have him there.Maybe that wasbecause, when I didn't look directly at him, his shape seemed to shiver andchangeinmyperipheralvision.Yethedidnothingbutstandandwatch.Unlikethetimewhenwehadmetinreality,hedidnotoffermehishelp.

Charlie stared atme during breakfast, and I tried to ignore him. I supposed Ideserved it. I couldn't expect him not to worry. It would probably be weeksbeforehestoppedwatchingforthereturnofthezombie,andIwouldjusthavetotry tonot let itbotherme.Afterall, Iwouldbewatching for the returnof thezombie,too.Twodayswashardlylongenoughtocallmecured.

Schoolwas theopposite.Nowthat Iwaspayingattention, itwasclear thatnoonewaswatchinghere.

IrememberedthefirstdayI'dcometoForksHighSchool–howdesperatelyI'dwishedthatIcouldturngray,fadeintothewetconcreteofthesidewalklikeanoversizedchameleon.ItseemedIwasgettingthatwishanswered,ayearlate.

ItwaslikeIwasn'tthere.Evenmyteachers'eyesslidpastmyseatasifitwereempty.

I listenedall throughthemorning,hearingonceagain thevoicesof thepeoplearoundme.Itriedtocatchuponwhatwasgoingon,buttheconversationsweresodisjointedthatIgaveup.

Jessicadidn'tlookupwhenIsatdownnexttoherinCalculus."Hey, Jess," I said with put-on nonchalance. "How was the rest of yourweekend?"

Shelookedatmewithsuspiciouseyes.Couldshestillbeangry?Orwasshejusttooimpatienttodealwithacrazyperson?

"Super,"shesaid,turningbacktoherbook."That'sgood,"Imumbled.

The figure of speech cold shoulder seemed to have some literal truth to it. Icouldfeelthewarmairblowingfromthefloorvents,butIwasstilltoocold.Itookthejacketoffthebackofmychairandputitonagain.

Myfourthhourclassgotoutlate,andthelunchtableIalwayssatatwasfullbythetimeIarrived.Mikewasthere,JessicaandAngela,Conner,Tyler,EricandLauren.KatieMarshall,theredheadedjuniorwholivedaroundthecornerfrom

me,wassittingwithEric,andAustinMarks–olderbrother to theboywith themotorcycles–was next to her. I wondered how long they'd been sitting here,unable to remember if this was the first day or something that was a regularhabit.

Iwasbeginningtogetannoyedwithmyself.ImightaswellhavebeenpackedinStyrofoampeanutsthroughthelastsemester.NoonelookedupwhenIsatdownnexttoMike,eventhoughthechairsquealedstridentlyagainstthelinoleumasIdraggeditback.

Itriedtocatchupwiththeconversation.MikeandConnerweretalkingsports,soIgaveuponthatoneatonce.

"Where's Ben today?" Lauren was asking Angela. I perked up, interested. IwonderedifthatmeantAngelaandBenwerestilltogether.

IbarelyrecognizedLauren.She'dcutoffallherblond,corn-silkhair–nowshehadapixiecutsoshortthatthebackwasshavedlikeaboy.Whatanoddthingforhertodo.IwishedIknewthereasonbehindit.Didshegetgumstuckinit?Didshesellit?Hadallthepeopleshewashabituallynastytocaughtherbehindthegymandscalpedher?Idecideditwasn'tfairformetojudgehernowbymyformeropinion.ForallIknew,she'dturnedintoaniceperson.

"Ben'sgotthestomachflu,"Angelasaidinherquiet,calmvoice."Hopefullyit'sjustsometwenty-fourhourthing.Hewasreallysicklastnight."Angelahadchangedherhair,too.She'dgrownoutherlayers.

"Whatdidyoutwodothisweekend?"Jessicaasked,notsoundingasifshecaredabout theanswer.I'dbet that thiswasjustanopenersoshecouldtellherownstories. I wondered if shewould talk about Port Angeleswithme sitting twoseats away? Was I that invisible, that no one would feel uncomfortablediscussingmewhileIwashere?

"We were going to have a picnic Saturday, actually, but… we changed ourminds,"Angelasaid.Therewasanedgetohervoicethatcaughtmyinterest.Jess,notsomuch."That'stoobad,"shesaid,abouttolaunchintoherstory.ButIwasn'ttheonlyonewhowaspayingattention."Whathappened?"Laurenaskedcuriously.

"Well,"Angelasaid,seemingmorehesitant thanusual, thoughshewasalwaysreserved,"wedroveupnorth,almosttothehotsprings–there'sagoodspotjustabout a mile up the trail. But, when we were halfway there… we sawsomething."

"Saw something? What?" Lauren's pale eyebrows pulled together. Even Jessseemedtobelisteningnow.

"Idon'tknow,"Angelasaid."Wethinkitwasabear.Itwasblack,anyway,butitseemed…toobig."

Lauren snorted. "Oh,notyou, too!"Hereyes turnedmocking, and Idecided Ididn'tneed togiveher thebenefitof thedoubt.Obviouslyherpersonalityhadnotchangedasmuchasherhair."Tylertriedtosellmethatonelastweek."

"You'renotgoingtoseeanybears thatclosetotheresort,"Jessicasaid,sidingwith Lauren. "Really," Angela protested in a low voice, looking down at thetable. "Wedid see it."Lauren snickered.Mikewas still talking toConner,notpayingattentiontothegirls.

"No,she's right," I threwin impatiently."Wehadahiker in justSaturdaywhosaw the bear, too, Angela. He said it was huge and black and just outside oftown,didn'the,Mike?"

Therewasamomentofsilence.Everypairofeyesatthetableturnedtostareatme in shock.Thenewgirl,Katie, hadhermouthhangingopen like she'd justwitnessedanexplosion.Nobodymoved.

"Mike?"Imuttered,mortified."Remembertheguywiththebearstory?""S-sure,"Mikestutteredafterasecond.Ididn'tknowwhyhewaslookingatmesostrangely.Italkedtohimatwork,didn'tI?DidI?Ithoughtso…Mikerecovered."Yeah,therewasaguywhosaidhesawahugeblackbearrightatthetrailhead–biggerthanagrizzly,"heconfirmed.

"Hmph."LaurenturnedtoJessica,hershouldersstiff,andchangedthesubject."DidyouhearbackfromUSC?"sheasked.

Everyoneelselookedaway,too,exceptforMikeandAngela.Angelasmiledatmetentatively,andIhurriedtoreturnthesmile.

"So,whatdidyoudothisweekend,Bella?"Mikeasked,curious,butoddlywary.EveryonebutLaurenlookedback,waitingformyresponse.

"Fridaynight,JessicaandIwent toamovieinPortAngeles.AndthenIspentSaturdayafternoonandmostofSundaydownatLaPush."

TheeyesflickeredtoJessicaandbacktome.Jesslookedirritated.Iwonderedifshe didn't want anyone to know she'd gone out withme, or whether she justwantedtobetheonetotellthestory."Whatmoviedidyousee?"Mikeasked,startingtosmile.

"DeadEnd–theonewiththezombies."Igrinnedinencouragement.MaybesomeofthedamageI'ddoneinthesepastzombiemonthswasreparable.

"I heard that was scary. Did you think so?" Mike was eager to continue theconversation."Bellahadtoleaveattheend,shewassofreaked,"Jessicainsertedwithaslysmile.Inodded,tryingtolookembarrassed."Itwasprettyscary."

Mikedidn'tstopaskingmequestions till lunchwasover.Gradually, theotherswereable tostartuptheirownconversationsagain, thoughtheystill lookedatmealot.AngelatalkedmostlytoMikeandme,and,whenIgotuptodumpmytray,shefollowed.

"Thanks,"shesaidinalowvoicewhenwewereawayfromthetable."Forwhat?""Speakingup,stickingupforme.""Noproblem."

Shelookedatmewithconcern,butnot theoffensive,maybe-she's-lost-itkind."Areyouokay?"This is why I'd picked Jessica over Angela–though I'd always liked Angelamore–forthegirls'nightmovie.Angelawastooperceptive.

"Notcompletely,"Iadmitted."ButI'malittlebitbetter.""I'mglad,"shesaid."I'vemissedyou."

LaurenandJessicastrolledbyusthen,andIheardLaurenwhisperloudly,"Oh,joyBella'sback."

Angelarolledhereyesatthem,andsmiledatmeinencouragement.IsighedItwaslikeIwasstartingalloveragain."What'stoday'sdate?"Iwonderedsuddenly."It'sJanuarynineteenth.""Hmm.""Whatisit?"Angelaasked."ItwasayearagoyesterdaythatIhadmyfirstdayhere,"Imused."Nothing'schangedmuch,"Angelamuttered, lookingafterLaurenandJessica."Iknow,IagreedIwasjustthinkingthesamething."

7REPETITION

IWASN'T SUREWHATTHEHELL IWASDOINGHEREWas I trying topushmyselfbackintothezombiestupor?HadIturnedmasochistic–developedatastefortorture?IshouldhavegonestraightdowntoLaPushIfeltmuch,much

healthieraroundJacobThiswasnotahealthythingtodo.

ButIcontinuedtodriveslowlydowntheovergrownlane, twistingthroughthetreesthatarchedovermelikeagreen,livingtunnelMyhandswereshaking,soItightenedmygriponthesteeringwheel.

IknewthatpartofthereasonIdidthiswasthenightmare,nowthatIwasreallyawake, thenothingnessof thedreamgnawedonmynerves, adogworryingabone.Therewas something to search for.Unattainable and impossible,uncaringanddistracted…buthewasoutthere,somewhere.Ihadtobelievethat.

The other partwas the strange sense of repetition I'd felt at school today, thecoincidenceofthedate.ThefeelingthatIwasstartingover–perhapsthewaymyfirst day would have gone if I'd really been the most unusual person in thecafeteriathatafternoon.

Thewordsranthroughmyhead,tonelessly,likeIwasreadingthemratherthanhearingthemspoken:ItwillbeasifI'dneverexisted.Iwaslyingtomyselfbysplittingmyreasonforcominghereintojusttwoparts.I didn't want to admit the strongest motivation. Because it was mentallyunsound.

The truthwas that Iwanted to hear his voice again, like I had in the strangedelusionFridaynight.For thatbriefmoment,whenhisvoicecamefromsomeother part ofme thanmy consciousmemory,when his voicewas perfect andhoneysmooth rather than thepaleechomymemoriesusuallyproduced, Iwasabletorememberwithoutpain.Ithadn'tlasted;thepainhadcaughtupwithme,asIwassureitwouldforthisfool'serrand.ButthosepreciousmomentswhenIcouldhearhimagainwereanirresistiblelure.Ihadtofindsomewaytorepeattheexperience…ormaybethebetterwordwasepisode.

Iwashoping that déjàvuwas thekey.So Iwasgoing tohis home, aplace Ihadn'tbeensincemyill-fatedbirthdayparty,somanymonthsago.

The thick, almost jungle-like growth crawled slowly past my windows. Thedrivewoundonandon.Istartedtogofaster,gettingedgy.HowlonghadIbeendriving?Shouldn'tIhavereachedthehouseyet?Thelanewassoovergrownthatitdidnotlookfamiliar.

WhatifIcouldn'tfindit?Ishivered.Whatiftherewasnotangibleproofatall?ThentherewasthebreakinthetreesthatIwaslookingfor,onlyitwasnotso

pronouncedasbefore.Thefloraheredidnotwaitlongtoreclaimanylandthatwasleftunguarded.Thetallfernshadinfiltratedthemeadowaroundthehouse,crowdingagainst the trunksof thecedars,even thewideporch. Itwas like thelawnhadbeenflooded–waist-high–withgreen,featherywaves.

Andthehousewasthere,butitwasnotthesame.Thoughnothinghadchangedontheoutside,theemptinessscreamedfromtheblankwindows.Itwascreepy.ForthefirsttimesinceI'dseenthebeautifulhouse,itlookedlikeafittinghauntforvampires.

Ihitthebrakes,lookingaway.Iwasafraidtogofarther.Butnothinghappened.Novoiceinmyhead.

SoIlefttheenginerunningandjumpedoutintothefernsea.Maybe,likeFridaynight,ifIwalkedforward…

Iapproachedthebarren,vacantfaceslowly,mytruckrumblingoutacomfortingroar behind me. I stopped when I got to the porch stairs, because there wasnothinghere.Nolingeringsenseoftheirpresence…ofhispresence.Thehousewassolidlyhere,butitmeantlittle.Itsconcreterealitywouldnotcounteractthenothingnessofthenightmares.

Ididn'tgoanycloser.Ididn'twanttolookinthewindows.Iwasn'tsurewhichwould be harder to see. If the roomswere bare, echoing empty from floor toceiling, that would certainly hurt. Like my grandmother's funeral, when mymotherhad insisted that I stayoutsideduring theviewing.Shehad said that Ididn'tneedtoseeGranthatway,torememberherthatway,ratherthanalive.

Butwouldn't itbeworseiftherewerenochange?IfthecouchessatjustasI'dlast seen them, the paintings on the walls–worse still, the piano on its lowplatform?Itwouldbesecondonlytothehousedisappearingalltogether,toseethattherewasnophysicalpossessionthattiedtheminanyway.Thateverythingremained,untouchedandforgotten,behindthem.

Justlikeme.

Iturnedmybackonthegapingemptinessandhurriedtomytruck.Inearlyran.Iwasanxioustobegone,togetbacktothehumanworld.Ifelthideouslyempty,and I wanted to see Jacob.Maybe I was developing a new kind of sickness,anotheraddiction,likethenumbnessbefore.Ididn'tcare.IpushedmytruckasfastasitwouldgoasIbarreledtowardmyfix.

Jacob was waiting for me. My chest seemed to relax as soon as I saw him,

makingiteasiertobreathe.

"Hey,Bella,"hecalled. I smiled in relief. "Hey, Jacob," IwavedatBilly,whowaslookingoutthewindow."Let'sgettowork,"Jacobsaidinalowbuteagervoice.

Iwassomehowabletolaugh."Youseriouslyaren'tsickofmeyet?"Iwondered.HemustbestartingtoaskhimselfhowdesperateIwasforcompany.

Jacobledthewayaroundthehousetohisgarage."Nope.Notyet.""PleaseletmeknowwhenIstartgettingonyournerves.Idon'twanttobeapain.""Okay."Helaughed,athroatysound."Iwouldn'tholdyourbreathforthat,though."

WhenIwalkedintothegarage,Iwasshockedtoseetheredbikestandingup,lookinglikeamotorcycleratherthanapileofjaggedmetal."Jake, you're amazing," I breathed.He laughed again. "I get obsessivewhen Ihaveaproject."Heshrugged."IfIhadanybrainsI'ddragitoutalittlebit.""Why?"He looked down, pausing for so long that I wondered if he hadn't heard myquestion.Finally,heaskedme,"Bella,ifItoldyouthatIcouldn'tfixthesebikes,whatwouldyousay?" Ididn'tanswer rightaway,either,andheglancedup tocheckmyexpression."Iwouldsay…that'stoobad,butI'llbetwecouldfigureout something else to do. If we got really desperate, we could even dohomework."Jacobsmiled,andhisshouldersrelaxed.Hesatdownnexttothebikeandpickedupawrench."Soyouthinkyou'llstillcomeoverwhenI'mdone,then?""Isthatwhatyoumeant?"Ishookmyhead."IguessIam takingadvantageofyourveryunderpricedmechanicalskills.Butaslongasyouletmecomeover,I'llbehere."

"HopingtoseeQuilagain?"heteased."Youcaughtme."Hechuckled."Youreallylikespendingtimewithme?"heasked,marveling.

"Very, verymuch.And I'll prove it. I have towork tomorrow,butWednesdaywe'lldosomethingnonmechanical.""Likewhat?""Ihavenoidea.Wecangotomyplacesoyouwon'tbetemptedtobeobsessive.Youcouldbringyourschoolwork–youhavetobegettingbehind,becauseIknowIam.""Homeworkmightbeagoodidea."Hemadeaface,andIwonderedhowmuchhewasleavingundonetobewithme.

"Yes,"Iagreed."We'llhavetostartbeingresponsibleoccasionally,orBillyand

Charliearen'tgoingtobesoeasygoingaboutthis."Imadeagestureindicatingthetwoofusasasingleentity.Helikedthat–hebeamed.

"Homeworkonceaweek?"heproposed."Maybewe'dbettergowith twice," Isuggested,thinkingofthepileI'djustbeenassignedtoday.

He sighed a heavy sigh.Then he reached over his toolbox to a paper grocerysack.Hepulledouttwocansofsoda,crackingoneopenandhandingit tome.Heopenedthesecond,andhelditupceremoniously.

"Here's toresponsibility,"hetoasted."Twiceaweek.""Andrecklessnesseverydayinbetween,"Iemphasized.Hegrinnedandtouchedhiscantomine.

Igothomelater thanI'dplannedandfoundCharliehadorderedapizzaratherthanwaitforme.Hewouldn'tletmeapologize."I don't mind," he assured me. "You deserve a break from all the cooking,anyway."IknewhewasjustrelievedthatIwasstillactinglikeanormalperson,andhewasnotabouttorocktheboat.

Icheckedmye-mailbeforeIstartedonmyhomework,andtherewasalongonefromRenee.ShegushedovereverydetailI'dprovidedherwith,soIsentbackanotherexhaustivedescriptionofmyday.Everythingbutthemotorcycles.Evenhappy-go-luckyReneewaslikelytobealarmedbythat.

School Tuesday had its ups and downs. Angela and Mike seemed ready towelcome me back with open arms–to kindly overlook my few months ofaberrant behavior. Jesswasmore resistant. Iwondered if she needed a formalwrittenapologyforthePortAngelesincident.

Mikewasanimatedandchattyatwork.Itwaslikehe'dstoredupthesemester'sworthoftalk,anditwasallspillingoutnow.IfoundthatIwasabletosmileandlaughwith him, though itwasn't as effortless as itwaswith Jacob. It seemedharmlessenough,untilquittingtime.

Mikeput the closed sign in thewindowwhile I foldedmyvest and shoved itunderthecounter.

"Thiswas fun tonight,"Mike said happily. "Yeah," I agreed, though I'dmuchratherhavespenttheafternooninthegarage."It'stoobadthatyouhadtoleavethe movie early last week." I was a little confused by his train of thought. Ishrugged."I'mjustawimp,Iguess.""WhatImeanis,youshouldgotoabettermovie, somethingyou'd enjoy,"he explained. "Oh," Imuttered, still confused."LikemaybethisFriday.Withme.Wecouldgoseesomethingthatisn'tscaryat

all."Ibitmylip.

I didn'twant to screw things upwithMike, notwhenhewas one of the onlypeoplereadytoforgivemeforbeingcrazy.Butthis,again,feltfartoofamiliar.Likethelastyearhadneverhappened.IwishedIhadJessasanexcusethistime.

"Likeadate?"Iasked.Honestywasprobablythebestpolicyatthispoint.Getitoverwith.Heprocessedthetoneofmyvoice"Ifyouwant.Butitdoesn'thavetobelikethat."

"I don't date," I said slowly, realizing how true that was. That whole worldseemedimpossiblydistant."Just as friends?" he suggested.His clear blue eyeswere not as eager now. Ihopedhereallymeantthatwecouldbefriendsanyway.

"Thatwouldbefun.ButIactuallyhaveplansalreadythisFriday,somaybenextweek?""Whatareyoudoing?"heasked,lesscasuallythanIthinkhewantedtosound."Homework.Ihavea…studysessionplannedwithafriend.""Oh.Okay.Maybenextweek."

Hewalkedmetomycar,lessexuberantthanbefore.ItremindedmesoclearlyofmyfirstmonthsinForks.I'dcomefullcircle,andnoweverythingfeltlikeanecho–anemptyecho,devoidoftheinterestitusedtohave.Thenextnight,Charliedidn'tseemthesmallestbitsurprisedtofindJacobandmesprawledacrossthelivingroomfloorwithourbooksscatteredaroundus,soIguessedthatheandBillyweretalkingbehindourbacks.

"Hey,kids,"hesaid,hiseyesstrayingtothekitchen.ThesmellofthelasagnaI'dspent the afternoon making–while Jacob watched and occasionally sampled–wafteddownthehall;Iwasbeinggood,tryingtoatoneforallthepizza.

Jacobstayedfordinner,and tookaplatehomeforBilly.Hegrudginglyaddedanotheryeartomynegotiableageforbeingagoodcook.

Fridaywasthegarage,andSaturday,aftermyshiftatNewton's,washomeworkagain. Charlie felt secure enough in my sanity to spend the day fishing withHarry.When he got back,wewere all done–feeling very sensible andmatureaboutit,too–andwatchingMonsterGarageontheDiscoveryChannel.

"Iprobablyoughttogo."Jacobsighed."It'slaterthanIthought.""Okay,fine,"Igrumbled."I'lltakeyouhome."Helaughedatmyunwillingexpression–itseemedtopleasehim.

"Tomorrow,back towork,"Isaidassoonasweweresafe in the truck."What

timedoyouwantmetocomeup?"

Therewasanunexplainedexcitementinhisansweringsmile."I'llcallyoufirst,okay?""Sure."Ifrownedtomyself,wonderingwhatwasup.Hissmilewidened.

I cleaned the house the next morning–waiting for Jacob to call and trying toshake off the Litest nightmare. The scenery had changed. Last night I'dwanderedinawideseaoffernsinterspersedwithhugehemlocktrees.Therewasnothing else there, and Iwas lost,wandering aimless and alone, searching fornothing.Iwantedtokickmyselfforthestupidfieldtriplastweek.Ishovedthedreamoutofmyconsciousmind,hopingitwouldstaylockedupsomewhereandnotescapeagain.

Charliewasoutsidewashingthecruiser,sowhenthephonerang,Idroppedthetoiletbrushandrandownstairstoanswerit.

"Hello?"Iaskedbreathlessly."Bella,"Jacobsaid,astrange,formaltonetohisvoice."Hey,Jake.""Ibelievethat…wehaveadate"hesaid,histonethickwithimplications.

It took me a second before I got it. "They're done? I can't believe it!"Whatperfect timing. I needed something to distract me from nightmares andnothingness."Yeah,theyrunandeverything.""Jacob,youareabsolutely,withoutadoubt,themosttalentedandwonderfulpersonIknow.Yougettenyearsforthisone."

"Cool! I'm middle-aged now." I laughed. "I'm on my way up!" I threw thecleaningsuppliesunder thebathroomcounterandgrabbedmyjacket."HeadedtoseeJake,"CharliesaidwhenIranpasthim.Itwasn'treallyaquestion."Yep,"IrepliedasIjumpedinmytruck."I'llbeatthestationlater,"Charliecalledafterme."Okay,"Iyelledback,turningthekey.

Charliesaidsomethingelse,butIcouldn'thearhimclearlyovertheroaroftheengine.Itsoundedsortoflike,"Where'sthefire?"

IparkedmytruckofftothesideoftheBlacks'house,closetothetrees,tomakeiteasierforustosneakthebikesout.WhenIgotout,asplashofcolorcaughtmyeye–twoshinymotorcycles,onered,oneblack,werehiddenunderaspruce,invisiblefromthehouse.Jacobwasprepared.

There was a piece of blue ribbon tied in a small bow around each of thehandlebars.IwaslaughingatthatwhenJacobranoutofthehouse.

"Ready?" he asked in a low voice, his eyes sparkling. I glanced over hisshoulder,andtherewasnosignofBilly.

"Yeah,"Isaid,butIdidn'tfeelquiteasexcitedasbefore;Iwastryingtoimaginemyselfactuallyonthemotorcycle.Jacobloadedthebikesintothebedofthetruckwithease,layingthemcarefullyontheirsidessotheydidn'tshow."Let's go," he said, his voice higher than usual with excitement. "I know theperfectspot–noonewillcatchusthere."

We drove south out of town. The dirt road wove in and out of the forest–sometimes there was nothing but trees, and then there would suddenly be abreathtaking glimpse of the PacificOcean, reaching to the horizon, dark grayundertheclouds.Wewereabovetheshore,ontopofthecliffsthatborderedthebeachhereandtheviewseemedtostretchonforever.

Iwasdrivingslowly,so thatIcouldsafelystareoutacross theoceannowandthen,astheroadwoundclosertotheseacliffs.Jacobwastalkingaboutfinishingthe bikes, but his descriptionswere getting technical, so Iwasn't paying closeattention.

ThatwaswhenInoticedfourfiguresstandingonarockyledge,muchtoocloseto the precipice. I couldn't tell from the distance how old they were, but Iassumed theyweremen.Despite the chill in the air today, they seemed to bewearingonlyshorts.

As I watched, the tallest person stepped closer to the brink. I slowedautomatically,myfoothesitatingoverthebrakepedal.

Andthenhethrewhimselfofftheedge."No!"Ishouted,stompingdownonthebrake."What'swrong?"Jacobshoutedback,alarmed.

"Thatguy–hejustjumpedoffthecliff!Whydidn'ttheystophim?We'vegottocallanambulance!"Ithrewopenmydoorandstartedtogetout,whichmadenosense at all. The fastest way to a phone was to drive back to Billy's. But Icouldn'tbelievewhatI'djustseen.Maybe,subconsciously,IhopedIwouldseesomethingdifferentwithouttheglassofthewindshieldintheway.

Jacoblaughed,andIspuntostareathimwildly.Howcouldhebesocalloused,socold-blooded?"They're just cliff diving,Bella.Recreation.LaPush doesn't have amall, youknow."Hewasteasing,buttherewasastrangenoteofirritationinhisvoice.

"Cliffdiving?"Irepeated,dazed.Istaredindisbeliefasasecondfiguresteppedtotheedge,paused,andthenverygracefullyleapedintospace.Hefellforwhatseemedlikeaneternitytome,finallycuttingsmoothlyintothedarkgraywavesbelow.

"Wow.It'ssohigh."Islidbackintomyseat,stillstaringwide-eyedat the tworemainingdivers."Itmustbeahundredfeet."

"Well,yeah,mostofusjumpfromlowerdown,thatrockthatjutsoutfromthecliff about halfway." He pointed out his window. The place he indicated didseemmuchmorereasonable."Thoseguysareinsane.Probablyshowingoffhowtoughtheyare.Imean,really,it'sfreezingtoday.Thatwatercan'tfeelgood."Hemadeadisgruntledface,asifthestuntpersonallyoffendedhim.Itsurprisedmealittle.IwouldhavethoughtJacobwasnearlyimpossibletoupset.

"Youjumpoffthecliff?"Ihadn'tmissedthe"us.""Sure,sure."Heshruggedandgrinned."It'sfun.Alittlescary,kindofarush."

Ilookedbackatthecliffs,wherethethirdfigurewaspacingtheedge.I'dneverwitnessedanything so reckless in allmy life.Myeyeswidened, and I smiled."Jake,youhavetotakemecliffdiving."

Hefrownedbackatme,hisfacedisapproving."Bella,youjustwantedtocallanambulanceforSam,"heremindedme.Iwassurprisedthathecouldtellwhoitwasfromthisdistance.

"Iwanttotry,"Iinsisted,startingtogetoutofthecaragain.Jacobgrabbedmywrist."Nottoday,allright?Canweatleastwaitforawarmerday?"

"Okay,fine,"Iagreed.Withthedooropen,theglacialbreezewasraisinggoosebumpsonmyarm."ButIwanttogosoon."

"Soon."He rolled his eyes. "Sometimes you're a little strange, Bella. Do youknowthat?"Isighed."Yes.""Andwe'renotjumpingoffthetop."

Iwatched, fascinated, as the thirdboymade a running start and flunghimselffartherintotheemptyairthantheothertwo.Hetwistedandcartwheeledthroughspace as he fell, like hewas skydiving.He looked absolutely free–unthinkingandutterlyirresponsible.

"Fine,"Iagreed."Notthefirsttime,anyway."NowJacobsighed."Arewegoingtotryoutthebikesornot?"hedemanded.

"Okay,okay,"Isaid,tearingmyeyesawayfromthelastpersonwaitingonthecliff. I put my seat belt back on and closed the door. The engine was still

running,roaringasitidled.Westarteddowntheroadagain.

"Sowhowere those guys–the crazy ones?" Iwondered.Hemade a disgustedsoundinthebackofhisthroat."TheLaPushgang.""Youhaveagang?"Iasked.IrealizedthatIsoundedimpressed.

Helaughedonceatmyreaction."Notlikethat.Iswear,they'relikehallmonitorsgonebad.Theydon'tstartfights,theykeepthepeace."Hesnorted."TherewasthisguyfromupsomewherebytheMakahrez,bigguytoo,scary-looking.Well,wordgotaroundthathewassellingmethtokids,andSamUleyandhisdisciplesranhimoffour land.They're all aboutour land, and tribepride… it's gettingridiculous.Theworstpart is that thecouncil takes themseriously.Embry saidthat the council actually meets with Sam." He shook his head, face full ofresentment."EmbryalsoheardfromLeahClearwater that theycall themselves'protectors'orsomethinglikethat."

Jacob'shandswereclenchedintofists,asifhe'dliketohitsomething.I'dneverseenthissideofhim.

I was surprised to hear Sam Uley's name. I didn't want it to bring back theimages frommy nightmare, so Imade a quick observation to distractmyself."Youdon'tlikethemverymuch."

"Does it show?" he asked sarcastically. "Well… It doesn't sound like they'redoinganythingbad."Itriedtosoothehim,tomakehimcheerfulagain."Justsortofannoyinglygoody-two-shoesforagang."

"Yeah. Annoying is a good word. They're always showing off–like the cliffthing.Theyactlike…like,Idon'tknow.Liketoughguys.Iwashangingoutatthe storewithEmbryandQuilonce, last semester, andSamcamebywithhisfollowers, Jared and Paul.Quil said something, you know how he's got a bigmouth,anditpissedPauloff.Hiseyesgotalldark,andhesortofsmiled–no,heshowed his teeth but he didn't smile–and it was like he was so mad he wasshakingorsomething.ButSamputhishandagainstPaul'schestandshookhishead.Paul lookedathimforaminuteandcalmeddown.Honestly, itwas likeSamwasholdinghimback–likePaulwasgoingtotearusupifSamdidn'tstophim."Hegroaned."Likeabadwestern.Youknow,Sam'saprettybigguy,he'stwenty.ButPaul's justsixteen,too,shorterthanmeandnotasbeefyasQuil.Ithinkanyoneofuscouldtakehim."

"Tough guys," I agreed. I could see it in my head as he described it, and itremindedmeofsomething…atriooftall,darkmenstandingverystillandclose

togetherinmyfather'slivingroom.Thepicturewassideways,becausemyheadwas lying against the couchwhileDr.Gerandy andCharlie leanedoverme…HadthatbeenSam'sgang?

I spoke quickly again to divertmyself from the bleakmemories. "Isn't Sam alittletoooldforthiskindofthing?"

"Yeah.Hewassupposedtogotocollege,buthestayed.Andnoonegavehimanycrapaboutit,either.Thewholecouncilpitchedafitwhenmysisterturneddown a partial scholarship and gotmarried. But, oh no, SamUley can do nowrong."

His face was set in unfamiliar lines of outrage–outrage and something else Ididn'trecognizeatfirst.

"Itallsoundsreallyannoyingand…strange.ButIdon'tgetwhyyou'retakingitsopersonally."Ipeekedoverathisface,hopingIhadn'toffendedhim.Hewassuddenlycalm,staringoutthesidewindow.

"Youjustmissedtheturn,"hesaidinanevenvoice.I executed averywideU-turn, nearlyhitting a tree asmycircle ran the truckhalfwayofftheroad.

"Thanks for the heads-up," I muttered as I started up the side road. "Sorry, Iwasn'tpayingattention."Itwasquietforabriefminute."Youcanstopanywherealonghere,"hesaidsoftly.

Ipulledoverandcuttheengine.Myearsranginthesilencethatfollowed.Webothgotout,andJacobheadedaroundtothebacktogetthebikes.Itriedtoreadhisexpression.Somethingmorewasbotheringhim.I'dhitanerve.

He smiled halfheartedly as he pushed the red bike to my side. "Happy latebirthday.Areyoureadyforthis?""Ithinkso."Thebikesuddenlylookedintimidating,frightening,asIrealizedIwouldsoonbeastrideit."We'll take it slow,"hepromised. Igingerly leaned themotorcycleagainst thetruck'sfenderwhilehewenttogethis.

"Jake…"Ihesitatedashecamebackaroundthetruck."Yeah?"

"What'sreallybotheringyou?AbouttheSamthing,Imean?Istheresomethingelse?"Iwatchedhisface.Hegrimaced,buthedidn'tseemangry.Helookedatthedirtandkickedhisshoeagainstthefronttireofhisbikeagainandagain,like

hewaskeepingtime.

He sighed. "It's just… the way they treat me. It creeps me out." The wordsstarted to rushoutnow."Youknow, thecouncil is supposed tobemadeupofequals, but if therewas a leader, itwould bemy dad. I've never been able tofigureoutwhypeople treat him theway theydo.Whyhis opinion counts themost. It'sgotsomething todowithhisfatherandhisfather's father.Mygreat-grandpa,EphraimBlack,wassortofthelastchiefwehad,andtheystilllistentoBilly,maybebecauseofthat.

"ButI'mjustlikeeveryoneelse.Nobodytreatsmespecial…untilnow."Thatcaughtmeoffguard."Samtreatsyouspecial?"

"Yeah," he agreed, lookingup atmewith troubled eyes. "He looks atme likehe'swaitingforsomething…likeI'mgoingtojoinhisstupidgangsomeday.Hepaysmoreattentiontomethananyoftheotherguys.Ihateit.""Youdon'thavetojoinanything."Myvoicewasangry.ThiswasreallyupsettingJacob,andthatinfuriatedme.Whodidthese"protectors"thinktheywere?

"Yeah."His footkeptup its rhythmagainst the tire."What?" Icould tell therewasmore.

Hefrowned,hiseyebrowspullingupinawaythatlookedsadandworriedratherthanangry."It'sEmbry.He'sbeenavoidingmelately."

The thoughts didn't seemconnected, but Iwondered if Iwas to blame for theproblemswithhisfriend."You'vebeenhangingoutwithmealot,"Iremindedhim,feelingselfish.I'dbeenmonopolizinghim.

"No, that'snot it. It'snot justme–it'sQuil, too,andeveryone.Embrymissedaweekofschool,buthewasneverhomewhenwetriedtoseehim.Andwhenhecameback,helooked…helookedfreakedout.Terrified.QuilandIbothtriedtogethimtotelluswhatwaswrong,buthewouldn'ttalktoeitheroneofus."

IstaredatJacob,bitingmylipanxiously–hewasreallyfrightened.Buthedidn'tlook at me. He watched his own foot kicking the rubber as if it belonged tosomeoneelse.Thetempoincreased.

"Thenthisweek,outofnowhere,Embry'shangingoutwithSamandtherestofthem.Hewasoutonthecliffstoday."Hisvoicewaslowandtense.

He finally looked atme. "Bella, theybuggedhimevenmore than theybotherme.Hedidn'twantanythingtodowiththem.AndnowEmbry'sfollowingSamaroundlikehe'sjoinedacult.

"And that's theway itwaswithPaul. Justexactly the same.Hewasn't friendswithSamatall.Thenhestoppedcomingtoschoolforafewweeks,and,whenhe came back, suddenly Samowned him. I don't knowwhat itmeans. I can'tfigureitout,andIfeel likeIhaveto,becauseEmbry'smyfriendand…Sam'slookingatmefunny..and…"Hetrailedoff.

"HaveyoutalkedtoBillyaboutthis?"Iasked.Hishorrorwasspreadingtome.Ihadchillsrunningonthebackofmyneck.

Nowtherewasangeronhisface."Yes,"hesnorted."Thatwashelpful.""Whatdidhesay?"

Jacob'sexpressionwassarcastic,andwhenhespoke,hisvoicemockedthedeeptonesofhisfather'svoice."It'snothingyouneedtoworryaboutnow,Jacob.Inafewyears,ifyoudon't…well,I'llexplainlater."Andthenhisvoicewashisown."What am I supposed to get from that? Is he trying to say it's some stupidpuberty,coming-of-agething?Thisissomethingelse.Somethingwrong."Hewasbitinghislowerlipandclenchinghishands.Helookedlikehewasabouttocry.

Ithrewmyarmsaroundhiminstinctively,wrappingthemaroundhiswaistandpressing my face against his chest. He was so big, I felt like I was a childhuggingagrown-up."Oh,Jake,it'llbeokay!"Ipromised."IfitgetsworseyoucancomelivewithmeandCharlie.Don'tbescared,we'llthinkofsomething!"Hewasfrozenforasecond,andthenhis longarmswrappedhesitantlyaroundme."Thanks,Bella."Hisvoicewashuskierthanusual.

Westoodlikethatforamoment,anditdidn'tupsetme;infact,Ifeltcomfortedbythecontact.Thisdidn'tfeelanythinglikethelasttimesomeonehadembracedmethisway.Thiswasfriendship.AndJacobwasverywarm.

It was strange for me, being this close–emotionally rather than physically,though thephysicalwasstrangeforme, too–toanotherhumanbeing. Itwasn'tmyusualstyle.Ididn'tnormallyrelatetopeoplesoeasily,onsuchabasiclevel.

Nothumanbeings.

"Ifthisishowyou'regoingtoreact,I'llfreakoutmoreoften."Jacob'svoicewaslight,normalagain,andhislaughterrumbledagainstmyear.Hisfingerstouchedmyhair,softandtentative.

Well,itwasfriendshipforme.Ipulledawayquickly,laughingwithhim,butdeterminedtoputthingsbackin

perspectiveatonce.

"It'shardtobelieveI'mtwoyearsolderthanyou,"Isaid,emphasizingthewordolder."Youmakemefeellikeadwarf."Standingthisclosetohim,Ireallyhadtocranemynecktoseehisface.

"You'reforgettingI'minmyforties,ofcourse.""Oh,that'sright."Hepattedmyhead."You'relikealittledoll,"heteased."Aporcelaindoll."I rolled my eyes, taking another step away. "Let's not start with the albinocracks."

"Seriously,Bella,areyousureyou'renot?"Hestretchedhisrussetarmoutnextto mine. The difference wasn't flattering. "I've never seen anyone paler thanyou… well, except for–" He broke off, and I looked away, trying to notunderstandwhathehadbeenabouttosay.

"Soarewegoingtorideorwhat?""Let'sdo it," Iagreed,moreenthusiastic thanIwouldhavebeenhalfaminuteago.HisunfinishedsentenceremindedmeofwhyIwashere.

8.ADRENALINE"OKAY,WHERE'SYOURCLUTCH?"

Ipointedtotheleveronmylefthandlebar.Lettinggoofthegripwasamistake.The heavy bikewobbled underneathme, threatening to knockme sidewise. Igrabbedthehandleagain,tryingtoholditstraight.

"Jacob,itwon'tstayup,"Icomplained."Itwillwhenyou'removing,"hepromised."Nowwhere'syourbrake?""Behindmyrightfoot.""Wrong."He grabbed my right hand and curled my fingers around the lever over thethrottle."Butyousaid–"

"Thisisthebrakeyouwant.Don'tusethebackbrakenow,that'sforlater,whenyouknowwhatyou'redoing.""That doesn't sound right," I said suspiciously. "Aren't both brakes kind ofimportant?"

"Forget the back brake, okay?Here–"Hewrapped his hand aroundmine andmademe squeeze the lever down. "That is how you brake. Don't forget." Hesqueezedmyhandanothertime.

"Fine,"Iagreed."Throttle?"Itwistedtherightgrip."Gearshift?"Inudgeditwithmyleftcalf."Verygood. I thinkyou'vegotall thepartsdown.Nowyou justhave toget itmoving."

"Uh-huh,"Imuttered,afraidtosaymore.MystomachwascontortingstrangelyandIthoughtmyvoicemightcrack.Iwasterrified.Itriedtotellmyselfthatthefear was pointless. I'd already lived through the worst thing possible. Incomparisonwiththat,whyshouldanythingfrightenmenow?Ishouldbeabletolookdeathinthefaceandlaugh.

Mystomachwasn'tbuyingit.I stared down the long stretch of dirt road, bordered by thickmisty green oneveryside.Theroadwassandyanddamp.Betterthanmud.

"Iwant you to hold down the clutch," Jacob instructed. Iwrappedmy fingersaroundtheclutch.

"Nowthis iscrucial,Bella,"Jacobstressed."Don't letgoof that,okay?Iwantyou topretend that I'vehandedyoua livegrenade.Thepin isoutandyouareholdingdownthespoon."

Isqueezedtighter."Good.Doyouthinkyoucankick-startit?"

"IfImovemyfoot,Iwillfallover,"Itoldhimthroughgrittedteeth,myfingerstightaroundmylivegrenade."Okay,I'lldoit.Don'tletgooftheclutch."

He took a step back, and then suddenly slammedhis foot downon the pedal.Therewas a short rippingnoise, and the force of his thrust rocked the bike. Istarted to fall sideways, but Jake caught the bike before it knockedme to theground.

"Steadythere,"heencouraged."Doyoustillhavetheclutch?""Yes,"Igasped.

"Plantyourfeet–I'mgoingtotryagain."Butheputhishandonthebackoftheseat,too,justtobesafe.Ittookfourmorekicksbeforetheignitioncaught.Icouldfeelthebikerumblingbeneathmelikeanangryanimal.Igrippedtheclutchuntilmyfingersached."Tryoutthethrottle,"hesuggested."Verylightly.Anddon'tletgooftheclutch."

Hesitantly, I twisted therighthandle.Thoughthemovementwas tiny, thebikesnarled beneathme. It sounded angry and hungry now. Jacob smiled in deepsatisfaction.

"Doyourememberhowtoputitintofirstgear?"heasked."Yes.""Well,goaheadanddoit.""Okay."Hewaitedforafewseconds."Leftfoot,"heprompted."Iknow,"Isaid, takingadeepbreath."Areyousureyouwant todo this?" Jacobasked. "You lookscared." "I'm fine," I snapped. Ikicked thegearshift downonenotch. "Verygood,"hepraisedme. "Now,verygently,easeupontheclutch."Hetookastepawayfromthebike.

"Youwantmetoletgoofthegrenade?"Iaskedindisbelief.Nowonderhewasmovingback."That'showyoumove,Bella.Justdoitlittlebylittle."AsIbegantoloosenmygrip,Iwasshockedtobeinterruptedbyavoicethatdidnotbelongtotheboystandingnexttome.

"Thisisrecklessandchildishandidiotic,Bella,"thevelvetvoicefumed."Oh!"Igasped,andmyhandfellofftheclutch.

The bike bucked under me, yanking me forward and then collapsing to thegroundhalfontopofme.Thegrowlingenginechokedtoastop.

"Bella?"Jacobjerkedtheheavybikeoffmewithease."Areyouhurt?"ButIwasn'tlistening."Itoldyouso,"theperfectvoicemurmured,crystalclear."Bella?"Jacobshookmyshoulder."I'mfine,"Imumbled,dazed.More than fine.Thevoice inmyheadwasback. It still rang inmy ears–soft,velvetyechoes.

Mymindranswiftlythroughthepossibilities.Therewasnofamiliarityhere–onaroadI'dneverseen,doingsomethingI'dneverdonebefore–nodejavuSothehallucinations must be triggered by something else… I felt the adrenalinecoursing through my veins again, and I thought I had the answer. Somecombinationofadrenalineanddanger,ormaybejuststupidity.

Jacobwaspullingmetomyfeet."Didyouhityourhead?"heasked.

"Idon'tthinkso."Ishookitbackandforth,checking."Ididn'thurtthebike,didI?" This thought worried me. I was anxious to try again, right away. BeingrecklesswaspayingoffbetterthanI'dthought.Forgetcheating.MaybeI'dfoundawaytogeneratethehallucinations–thatwasmuchmoreimportant.

"No.Youjuststalledtheengine,"Jacobsaid,interruptingmyquickspeculations."Youletgooftheclutchtoofast."

Inodded."Let'stryagain.""Areyousure?"Jacobasked."Positive."

ThistimeItriedtogetthekick-startmyself.Itwascomplicated;Ihadtojumpalittletoslamdownonthepedalwithenoughforce,andeverytimeIdidthat,thebiketriedtoknockmeover.Jacob'shandhoveredoverthehandlebars,readytocatchmeifIneededhim.

Ittookseveralgoodtries,andevenmorepoortries,beforetheenginecaughtandroared to lifeunderme.Remembering toholdon to thegrenade, I revved thethrottle experimentally. It snarled at the slightest touch. My smile mirroredJacob'snow.

"Easyontheclutch,"heremindedme."Doyouwanttokillyourself,then?Isthatwhatthisisabout?"theothervoicespokeagain,histonesevere.I smiled tightly–it was still working–and ignored the questions. Jacob wasn'tgoingtoletanythingserioushappentome."Gohome toCharlie," thevoiceordered.Thesheerbeautyof it amazedme. Icouldn'tallowmymemorytoloseit,nomattertheprice.

"Easeoffslowly,"Jacobencouragedme."Iwill," I said. It botheredme a bitwhen I realized Iwas answering both ofthem.Thevoiceinmyheadgrowledagainsttheroarofthemotorcycle.

Tryingtofocusthistime,tonotletthevoicestartlemeagain,Irelaxedmyhandbytinydegrees.Suddenly,thegearcaughtandwrenchedmeforward.AndIwasflying.

Therewaswindthatwasn'ttherebefore,blowingmyskinagainstmyskullandflingingmyhairbackbehindmewithenoughforcethatitfeltlikesomeonewastugging on it. I'd left my stomach back at the starting point; the adrenalinecoursedthroughmybody,tinglinginmyveins.Thetreesracedpastme,blurringintoawallofgreen.

Butthiswasonlyfirstgear.MyfootitchedtowardthegearshiftasItwistedfor

moregas."No,Bella!"theangry,honey-sweetvoiceorderedinmyear."Watchwhatyou'redoing!"

It distractedme enough from the speed to realize that the roadwas starting aslowcurvetotheleft,andIwasstillgoingstraight.Jacobhadn'ttoldmehowtoturn."Brakes,brakes,"Imuttered tomyself,andI instinctivelyslammeddownwithmyrightfoot,likeIwouldinmytruck.

Thebikewassuddenlyunstableunderneathme,shiveringfirst toonesideandthen theother. Itwasdraggingme toward thegreenwall,andIwasgoing toofast.Itriedtoturnthehandlebartheotherdirection,andthesuddenshiftofmyweightpushedthebiketowardtheground,stillspinningtowardthetrees.

Themotorcyclelandedontopofmeagain,roaringloudly,pullingmeacrossthewet sanduntil it hit something stationary. I couldn't see.My facewasmashedintothemoss.Itriedtoliftmyhead,buttherewassomethingintheway.

Iwasdizzyandconfused. It sounded like therewere three things snarling–thebikeoverme,thevoiceinmyhead,andsomethingelse…"Bella!" Jacob yelled, and I heard the roar of the other bike cut off. Themotorcyclenolongerpinnedmetotheground,andIrolledovertobreathe.Allthegrowlingwentsilent."Wow," I murmured. I was thrilled. This had to be it, the recipe for ahallucination–adrenaline plus clanger plus stupidity. Something close to that,anyway."Bella!"Jacobwascrouchingovermeanxiously."Bella,areyoualive?""I'm great!" I enthused. I flexedmy arms and legs. Everything seemed to beworkingcorrectly."Let'sdoitagain.""Idon'tthinkso."Jacobstillsoundedworried."IthinkI'dbetterdriveyoutothehospitalfirst.""I'mfine.""Um,Bella?You'vegotahugecutonyourforehead,andit'sgushingblood,"heinformedme.

I clappedmyhandovermyhead.Sureenough, itwaswetand sticky. I couldsmellnothingbutthedampmossonmyface,andthatheldoffthenausea."Oh,I'msosorry,Jacob."Ipushedhardagainstthegash,asifIcouldforcethebloodbackinsidemyhead.

"Whyareyouapologizingforbleeding?"hewonderedashewrappedalongarmaroundmywaistandpulledmetomyfeet."Let'sgo.I'lldrive."Heheldouthishandforthekeys."Whataboutthebikes?"Iasked,handingthemover.

He thought fora second. "Waithere.And take this."HepulledoffhisT-shirt,alreadyspottedwithblood,andthrewittome.Iwaddeditupandheldittightlytomyforehead.Iwasstartingtosmelltheblood;Ibreatheddeeplythroughmymouthandtriedtoconcentrateonsomethingelse.

Jacobjumpedontheblackmotorcycle,kickedittoastartinonetry,andracedbackdowntheroad,sprayingsandandpebblesbehindhim.Helookedathleticandprofessionalashe leanedover thehandlebars,head low, face forward,hisshiny hair whipping against the russet skin of his back. My eyes narrowedenviously.IwassureIhadn'tlookedlikethatonmymotorcycle.

IwassurprisedathowfarI'dgone.IcouldbarelyseeJacobinthedistancewhenhe finally got to the truck.He threw the bike into the bed and sprinted to thedriver'sside.

I reallydidn't feel bad at all ashe coaxedmy truck to adeafening roar inhishurrytogetbacktome.Myheadstungalittle,andmystomachwasuneasy,butthe cut wasn't serious. Head wounds just bled more than most. His urgencywasn'tnecessary.

Jacobleftthetruckrunningasheracedbacktome,wrappinghisarmaroundmywaistagain."Okay,let'sgetyouinthetruck."

"I'mhonestlyfine,"Iassuredhimashehelpedmein."Don'tgetworkedup.It'sjustalittleblood.""Justalotofblood,"Iheardhimmutterashewentbackformybike.

"Now,let'sthinkaboutthisforasecond,"Ibeganwhenhegotbackin."IfyoutakemetotheERlikethis,Charlieissuretohearaboutit."Iglanceddownatthesandanddirtcakedintomyjeans.

"Bella,Ithinkyouneedstitches.I'mnotgoingtoletyoubleedtodeath.""Iwon't,"Ipromised."Let'sjusttakethebikesbackfirst,andthenwe'llmakeastopatmyhousesoIcandisposeoftheevidencebeforewegotothehospital."

"WhataboutCharlie?""Hesaidhehadtoworktoday.""Areyoureallysure?""Trustme.I'maneasybleeder.It'snotnearlyasdireasitlooks."

Jacobwasn'thappy–hisfullmouthturneddowninanuncharacteristicfrown–buthedidn'twanttogetmeintrouble.Istaredoutthewindow,holdinghisruinedshirttomyhead,whilehedrovemetoForks.

Themotorcyclewasbetter thanI'ddreamed.Ithadserveditsoriginalpurpose.I'd cheated–brokenmypromise. I'dbeenneedlessly reckless. I felt a little lesspatheticnowthatthepromiseshadbeenbrokenonbothsides.

Andthentodiscoverthekeytothehallucinations!Atleast,IhopedIhad.Iwasgoingtotestthetheoryassoonaspossible.Maybethey'dgetthroughwithmequicklyintheER,andIcouldtryagaintonight.

Racingdown the road like thathadbeenamazing.Thefeelof thewind inmyface,thespeedandthefreedom…itremindedmeofapastlife,flyingthroughthethickforestwithoutaroad,piggybackwhileheran–Istoppedthinkingrightthere,lettingthememorybreakoffinthesuddenagony.Iflinched.

"Youstillokay?"Jacobchecked."Yeah."Itriedtosoundasconvincingasbefore."Bytheway,"headded."I'mgoingtodisconnectyourfootbraketonight."

At home, I went to look at myself in the mirror first thing; it was prettygruesome.Bloodwasdryinginthickstreaksacrossmycheekandneck,mattinginmymuddyhair.Iexaminedmyselfclinically,pretendingthebloodwaspaintsoitwouldn'tupsetmystomach.Ibreathedthroughmymouth,andwasfine.

IwashedupaswellasIcould.ThenIhidmydirty,bloodyclothesinthebottomofmy laundrybasket,puttingonnew jeansandabutton-upshirt (that Ididn'thave to pull overmyhead) as carefully as I could. Imanaged to do this one-handedandkeepbothgarmentsblood-free.

"Hurryup,"Jacobcalled."Okay, okay," I shouted back. After making sure I left nothing incriminatingbehindme,Iheadeddownstairs.

"HowdoIlook?"Iaskedhim."Better,"headmitted."ButdoIlooklikeItrippedinyourgarageandhitmyheadonahammer?""Sure,Iguessso.""Let'sgothen."

Jacobhurriedmeoutthedoor,andinsistedondrivingagain.WewerehalfwaytothehospitalwhenIrealizedhewasstillshirtless.

I frowned guiltily. "We should have grabbed you a jacket." "Thatwould havegivenusaway,"heteased."Besides,it'snotcold.""Areyoukidding?"Ishiveredandreachedouttoturntheheaton.

IwatchedJacobtoseeifhewasjustplayingtoughsoIwouldn'tworry,buthe

lookedcomfortableenough.Hehadonearmoverthebackofmyseat,thoughIwashuddleduptokeepwarm.

Jacob really did look older than sixteen–not quite forty, butmaybe older thanme. Quil didn't have toomuch on him in themuscle department, for all thatJacobclaimedtobeaskeleton.Themuscleswerethelongwirykind,buttheyweredefinitelythereunderthesmoothskin.Hisskinwassuchaprettycolor,itmademejealous.

Jacob noticed my scrutiny. "What?" he asked, suddenly self-conscious."Nothing.Ijusthadn'trealizedbefore.Didyouknow,you'resortofbeautiful?"

Once the words slipped out, I worried that he might take my impulsiveobservationthewrongway.

ButJacobjustrolledhiseyes."Youhityourheadprettyhard,didn'tyou?""I'mserious.""Well,then,thanks.Sortof."Igrinned."You'resortofwelcome."

Ihadtohavesevenstitchestoclosethecutonmyforehead.Afterthestingofthe local anesthetic, there was no pain in the procedure. Jacob heldmy handwhileDr.Snowwassewing,andItriednottothinkaboutwhythatwasironic.

Wewereatthehospitalforever.BythetimeIwasdone,IhadtodropJacoboffathishomeandhurrybacktocookdinnerforCharlie.CharlieseemedtobuymystoryaboutfallinginJacob'sgarage.Afterall,itwasn'tlikeIhadn'tbeenabletolandmyselfintheERbeforewithnomorehelpthanmyownfeet.Thisnightwasnotasbadasthatfirstnight,afterI'dheardtheperfectvoiceinPortAngeles.Theholecameback,thewayitalwaysdidwhenIwasawayfromJacob, but it didn't throb so badly around the edges. I was already planningahead, looking forward tomore delusions, and that was a distraction. Also, IknewIwouldfeelbettertomorrowwhenIwaswithJacobagain.Thatmadetheempty hole and the familiar pain easier to bear; relief was in sight. Thenightmare,too,hadlostalittleofitspotency.Iwashorrifiedbythenothingness,as always, but Iwas also strangely impatient as Iwaited for themoment thatwouldsendmescreamingintoconsciousness.Iknewthenightmarehadtoend.

ThenextWednesday,beforeIcouldgethomefromtheER,Dr.Gerandycalledtowarnmyfather that Imightpossiblyhaveaconcussionandadvisedhim towakemeupevery twohours through thenight tomakesure itwasn't serious.Charlie's eyes narrowed suspiciously at my weak explanation about trippingagain.

"Maybeyoushould juststayoutof thegaragealtogether,Bella,"hesuggested

thatnightduringdinner.

Ipanicked,worriedthatCharliewasabouttolaydownsomekindofedictthatwouldprohibitLaPush,andconsequentlymymotorcycle.AndIwasn'tgivingitup–I'dhadthemostamazinghallucinationtoday.Myvelvet-voiceddelusionhadyelled atme for almost fiveminutes before I'd hit the brake too abruptly andlaunchedmyselfintothetree.I'dtakewhateverpainthatwouldcausemetonightwithoutcomplaint.

"Thisdidn'thappenin thegarage,"Iprotestedquickly."Wewerehiking,andItrippedoverarock.""Sincewhendoyouhike?"Charlieaskedskeptically."Working atNewton'swasbound to ruboff sometime," I pointedout. "Spendeverydaysellingallthevirtuesoftheoutdoors,eventuallyyougetcurious."

Charlieglaredatme,unconvinced."I'llbemorecareful,"Ipromised,surreptitiouslycrossingmyfingersunderthetable. "I don'tmind you hiking right there aroundLa Push, but keep close totown,okay?""Why?"

"Well, we've been getting a lot of wildlife complaints lately. The forestrydepartmentisgoingtocheckintoit,butforthetimebeing…"

"Oh,thebigbear,"Isaidwithsuddencomprehension."Yeah,someofthehikerscoming throughNewton's have seen it.Doyou think there's really somegiantmutatedgrizzlyoutthere?"

Hisforeheadcreased."There'ssomething.Keepitclosetotown,okay?""Sure, sure," I said quickly. He didn't look completely appeased. "Charlie'sgettingnosy,"IcomplainedtoJacobwhenIpickedhimupafterschoolFriday.

"Maybeweshouldcoolitwiththebikes."Hesawmyobjectingexpressionandadded,"Atleastforaweekorso.Youcouldstayoutofthehospitalforaweek,right?"

"What are we going to do?" I griped. He smiled cheerfully. "What ever youwant."Ithoughtaboutthatforaminute–aboutwhatIwanted.

Ihatedtheideaoflosingevenmybriefsecondsofclosenesswiththememoriesthatdidn'thurt–theones that cameon theirown,withoutme thinkingof themconsciously.IfIcouldn'thavethebikes,Iwasgoingtohavetofindsomeotheravenue to the danger and the adrenaline, and that was going to take seriousthought and creativity. Doing nothing in the meantime was not appealing.

SupposeIgotdepressedagain,evenwithJake?Ihadtokeepoccupied.

Maybetherewassomeotherway,someotherrecipe…someotherplace.

The house had been a mistake, certainly. But his presence must be stampedsomewhere,somewhereotherthaninsideme.Therehadtobeaplacewhereheseemedmorerealthanamongallthefamiliarlandmarksthatwerecrowdedwithotherhumanmemories.

I could think of one place where that might hold true. One place that wouldalwaysbelongtohimandnooneelse.Amagicplace,fulloflight.ThebeautifulmeadowI'dseenonlyonceinmylife,litbysunshineandthesparkleofhisskin.

This idea had a hugepotential for backfiring–itmight be dangerously painful.Mychestachedwithemptinesseven to thinkof it. Itwashard toholdmyselfupright,tonotgivemyselfaway.Butsurely,thereofallplaces,Icouldhearhisvoice.AndI'dalreadytoldCharlieIwashiking…

"Whatareyouthinkingaboutsohard?"Jacobasked.

"Well…"Ibeganslowly."Ifoundthisplaceintheforestonce–IcameacrossitwhenIwas,um,hiking.Alittlemeadow,themostbeautifulplace.Idon'tknowifIcouldtrackitdownagainonmyown.Itwoulddefinitelytakeafewtries…"

"We could use a compass and a grid pattern," Jacob said with confidenthelpfulness."Doyouknowwhereyoustartedfrom?"

"Yes,justbelowthetrailheadwheretheone-tenends.Iwasgoingmostlysouth,Ithink.""Cool.We'llfindit."Asalways,JacobwasgameforanythingIwanted.Nomatterhowstrangeitwas.

So,Saturdayafternoon,Itiedonmynewhikingboots–purchasedthatmorningusingmy twenty-per-cent-offemployeediscount for the first time–grabbedmynewtopographicalmapoftheOlympicPeninsula,anddrovetoLaPush.

Wedidn'tgetstarted immediately; first, Jacobsprawledacross the livingroomfloor–taking up the whole room–and, for a full twenty minutes, drew acomplicatedwebacrossthekeysectionofthemapwhileIperchedonakitchenchairandtalkedtoBilly.Billydidn'tseematallconcernedaboutourproposedhikingtrip.IwassurprisedthatJacobhadtoldhimwhereweweregoing,giventhefusspeopleweremakingaboutthebearsightings.IwantedtoaskBillynotto sayanythingabout this toCharlie, but Iwas afraid thatmaking the requestwouldcausetheoppositeresult.

"Maybewe'llseethesuperbear,"Jacobjoked,eyesonhisdesign.Iglancedat

Billyswiftly,fearingaCharlie-stylereaction.ButBillyjust laughedathisson."Maybeyoushouldtakeajarofhoney,justincase."

Jakechuckled."Hopeyournewbootsarefast,Bella.Onelittlejarisn'tgoingtokeepahungrybearoccupiedforlong."

"Ionlyhavetobefasterthanyou.""Goodluckwiththat!"Jacobsaid,rollinghiseyesasherefoldedthemap."Let'sgo.""Havefun,"Billyrumbled,wheelinghimselftowardtherefrigerator.

Charliewasnotahardpersontolivewith,butitlookedtomelikeJacobhaditeveneasierthanIdid.

Idrovetotheveryendofthedirtroad,stoppingnearthesignthatmarkedthebeginningof thetrailhead.IthadbeenalongtimesinceI'dbeenhere,andmystomach reacted nervously. This might be a very bad thing. But it would beworthit,ifIgottohearhim.

Igotoutandlookedatthedensewallofgreen."Iwentthisway,"Imurmured,pointingstraightahead."Hmm,"Jakemuttered."What?"HelookedatthedirectionI'dpointed,thenattheclearlymarkedtrail,andback."Iwouldhavefiguredyouforatrailkindofgirl.""Notme." Ismiledbleakly."I'ma rebel."He laughed,and thenpulledoutourmap.

"Giveme a second."He held the compass in a skilledway, twisting themaparoundtillitangledthewayhewanted."Okay–firstlineonthegrid.Let'sdoit."

I could tell that Iwas slowing Jacobup,buthedidn't complain. I triednot todwell on my last trip through this part of the forest, with a very differentcompanion.Normalmemorieswere still cangerous. If I letmyself slip up, I'dendupwithmyarmsclutchingmychesttoholdittogether,gaspingforair,andhowwouldIexplainthattoJacob?

Itwasn't ashardas Iwouldhave thought tokeep focusedon thepresent.Theforest looked a lot like anyother part of the peninsula, and Jacob set a vastlydifferentmood.

Hewhistledcheerfully,anunfamiliartune,swinginghisarmsandmovingeasilythroughtheroughundergrowth.Theshadowsdidn'tseemasdarkasusual.Not

withmypersonalsunalong.

Jacobcheckedthecompasseveryfewminutes,keepingusinastraightlinewithoneof theradiatingspokesofhisgrid.Hereally looked likeheknewwhathewasdoing.Iwasgoingtocomplimenthim,butIcaughtmyself.Nodoubthe'daddanotherfewyearstohisinflatedage.

My mind wandered as I walked, and I grew curious. I hadn't forgotten theconversationwe'dhadby theseacliffs–I'dbeenwaiting forhim tobring itupagain,butitdidn'tlooklikethatwasgoingtohappen.

"Hey…Jake?"Iaskedhesitantly."Yeah?""Howarethings…withEmbry?Ishebacktonormalyet?"

Jacobwas silent for aminute, stillmoving forwardwith longpaces.Whenhewasabouttenfeetahead,hestoppedtowaitforme."No.He'snotbacktonormal,"JacobsaidwhenIreachedhim,hismouthpullingdown at the corners. He didn't start walking again. I immediately regrettedbringingitup.

"StillwithSam.""Yup."Heputhisarmaroundmyshoulder,andhelookedsotroubledthatIdidn'tplayfullyshakeitoff,asImighthaveotherwise."Aretheystill looking at you funny?" I half-whispered. Jacob stared through the trees."Sometimes.""AndBilly?""Ashelpfulasever,"hesaidinasour,angryvoicethatdisturbedme."Ourcouchisalwaysopen,"Ioffered.

Helaughed,breakingoutoftheunnaturalgloom."ButthinkofthepositionthatwouldputCharliein–whenBillycallsthepolicetoreportmykidnapping."Ilaughedtoo,gladtohaveJacobbacktonormal.

WestoppedwhenJacobsaidwe'dgonesixmiles,cutwestforashorttime,andheadedbackalonganotherlineofhisgrid.Everythinglookedexactlythesameasthewayin,andIhadafeelingthatmysillyquestwasprettymuchdoomed.Iadmittedasmuchwhenitstartedtogetdarker,thesunlessdayfadingtowardastarlessnight,butJacobwasmoreconfident.

"Aslongasyou'resurewe'restartingfromtherightplace…"Heglanceddownatme."Yes,I'msure."

"Thenwe'll find it,"hepromised,grabbingmyhandandpullingme throughamassof ferns.On theother sidewas the truck.Hegestured toward itproudly."Trustme."

"You'regood,"Iadmitted."Nexttimewebringflashlights,though."

"We'llsavehikingforSundaysfromnowon.Ididn'tknowyouwerethatslow."

I yanked my hand back and stomped around to the driver's side while hechuckledatmyreaction.

"Soyouupforanothertrytomorrow.'"heasked,slidingintothepassengerseat."Sure.UnlessyouwanttogowithoutmesoIdon'ttieyoudowntomygimpypace."

"I'llsurvive,"heassuredme."Ifwe'rehikingagain,though,youmightwanttopickupsomemoleskin.Ibetyoucanfeelthosenewbootsrightnow."

"Alittle,"Iconfessed.ItfeltlikeIhadmoreblistersthanIhadspacetofitthem."Ihopeweseethebeartomorrow.I'msortofdisappointedaboutthat."

"Yes, me, too," I agreed sarcastically. "Maybe we'll get lucky tomorrow andsomethingwilleatus!""Bearsdon'twanttoeatpeople.Wedon'ttastethatgood."Hegrinnedatmeinthedarkcab."Ofcourse,youmightbeanexception.Ibetyou'dtastegood."

"Thanks somuch," I said, looking away.Hewasn't the first person to tellmethat.9.THIRDWHEEL

TIME BEGAN TO TRIP ALONG MUCH MORE QUICKLY than before.School,work,andJacob–thoughnotnecessarilyinthatorder–createdaneatandeffortless pattern to follow. And Charlie got his wish: I wasn't miserableanymore.Ofcourse,Icouldn'tfoolmyselfcompletely.WhenIstoppedtotakestock of my life, which I tried not to do too often, I couldn't ignore theimplicationsofmybehavior.

Iwaslikealostmoon–myplanetdestroyedinsomecataclysmic,disaster-moviescenarioofdesolation–thatcontinued,nevertheless,tocircleinatightlittleorbitaroundtheemptyspaceleftbehind,ignoringthelawsofgravity.

Iwasgettingbetterwithmybike,whichmeantfewerbandagestoworryCharlie.But it alsomeant that the voice inmyhead began to fade, until I heard it nomore.Quietly, Ipanicked. I threwmyself into thesearch for themeadowwithslightly frenzied intensity. I racked my brain for other adrenaline-producingactivities.

Ididn'tkeeptrackofthedays:hatpassed–therewasnoreason,asItriedtoliveasmuchinthepresentaspossible,nopastfading,nofutureimpending.SoIwassurprisedby thedatewhenJacobbrought itupononeofourhomeworkdays.

HewaswaitingwhenIpulledupinfrontofhishouse.

"HappyValentine'sDay,"Jacobsaid,smiling,butduckinghisheadashegreetedme.Heheldoutasmall,pinkbox,balancingitonhispalm.Conversationhearts."Well,Ifeellikeaschmuck,"Imumbled."IstodayValentine'sDay?"

Jacobshookhisheadwithmocksadness. "Youcanbesooutof it sometimes.Yes,itisthefourteenthdayofFebruary.SoareyougoingtobemyValentine?Sinceyoudidn'tgetmeafifty-centboxofcandy,it'stheleastyoucando."

Istartedtofeeluncomfortable.Thewordswereteasing,butonlyonthesurface."Whatexactlydoesthatentail?"Ihedged."Theusual–slaveforlife,thatkindofthing."

"Oh,well,ifthat'sall…"Itookthecandy.ButIwastryingtothinkofsomewayto make the boundaries clear. Again. They seemed to get blurred a lot withJacob."So,whatarewedoingtomorrow?Hiking,ortheER?""Hiking,"Idecided."You'renottheonlyonewhocanbeobsessive.I'mstartingtothinkIimaginedthatplace…"Ifrownedintospace.

"We'llfindit,"heassuredme."BikesFriday?"heoffered.Isawachanceandtookitwithouttakingtimetothinkitthrough.

"I'm going to a movie Friday. I've been promising my cafeteria crowd that Iwouldgooutforever."Mikewouldbepleased.ButJacob'sfacefell.Icaughttheexpressioninhisdarkeyesbeforehedroppedthemtolookattheground.

"You'llcometoo,right?"Iaddedquickly."Orwillitbetoomuchofadragwitha bunch of boring seniors?" So much for my chance to put some distancebetweenus.Icouldn'tstandhurtingJacob;weseemedtobeconnectedinanoddway, and his pain set off little stabs ofmy own.Also, the idea of having hiscompany for the ordeal–I had promised Mike, but really didn't feel anyenthusiasmatthethoughtoffollowingthrough–wasjusttootempting.

"You'dlikemetocome,withyourfriendsthere?"

"Yes,"Iadmittedhonestly,knowingasIcontinuedthatIwasprobablyshootingmyselfinthefootwithmywords."I'llhavealotmorefunifyou'rethere.BringQuil,andwe'llmakeitaparty."

"Quil's gonna freak. Senior girls." He chortled and rolled his eyes. I didn'tmention Embry, and neither did he. I laughed, too. "I'll try to get hin a good

selection."

IbroachedthesubjectwithMikeinEnglish."Hey,Mike,"Isaidwhenclasswasover."AreyoufreeFridaynight?"Helookedup,hisblueeyesinstantlyhopeful."Yeah,Iam.Youwanttogoout?"

I worded my reply carefully. "I was thinking about getting a group"–Iemphasized theword–"together togo seeCrosshairs." I'd donemyhomeworkthis time–even reading themovie spoilers to be sure Iwouldn't be caught offguard.Thismoviewassupposedtobeabloodbathfromstarttofinish.Iwasn'tsorecoveredthatIcouldstandtositthrougharomance."Doesthatsoundlikefun?"

"Sure,"heagreed,visiblylesseager."Cool."

After a second, he perked back up to near his former excitement level. "HowaboutwegetAngelaandBen?OrEricandKatie?"Hewas determined tomake this some kind of double date, apparently. "Howabout both?" I suggested "And Jessica, too, of course.AndTyler andConner,andmaybeLauren,"Itackedongrudgingly.IhadpromisedQuilvariety."Okay,"Mikemuttered,foiled."And,"Icontinued,"I'vegotacoupleoffriendsfrom La Push I'm inviting. So it sounds like we'll need your Suburban ifeveryonecomes."

Mike's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "These are the friends you spend all yourtimestudyingwithnow?"

"Yep, the very ones," I answered cheerfully. "Though you could look at it astutoring–they'reonlysophomores."

"Oh,"Mikesaid,surprised.Afterasecondofthought,hesmiled.Intheend,though,theSuburbanwasn'tnecessary.

Jessica and Lauren claimed to be busy as soon asMike let it slip that I wasinvolved in the planning. Eric andKatie already had plans–itwas their three-week anniversary or something. Lauren got to Tyler and Conner beforeMikecould,sothosetwowerealsobusy.EvenQuilwasout–groundedforfightingatschool.Intheend,onlyAngelaandBen,and,ofcourseJacob,wereabletogo.

Thediminishednumbersdidn'tdampenMike'santicipation,though.ItwasallhecouldtalkaboutFriday.

"Areyousureyoudon'twanttoseeTomorrowandForeverinstead?"heaskedatlunch, naming the current romantic comedy that was ruling the box office.

"RottenTomatoesgaveitabetterreview."

"IwanttoseeCrosshairs"I insisted."I'minthemoodforaction.Bringonthebloodandguts!""Okay."Miketurnedaway,butnotbeforeIsawhismaybe-she's-crazy-after-allexpression.When I got home from school, a very familiar carwas parked infrontofmyhouse.Jacobwasleaningagainstthehood,ahugegrinlightinguphisface."Noway!"IshoutedasIjumpedoutofthetruck."You'redone!Ican'tbelieveit!YoufinishedtheRabbit!"

Hebeamed."Justlastnight.Thisisthemaidenvoyage.""Incredible."Iheldmyhandupforahighfive.

Hesmackedhishandagainstmine,butleftitthere,twistinghisfingersthroughmine."SodoIgettodrivetonight?"

"Definitely,"Isaid,andthenIsighed."What'swrong?""I'mgivingup–Ican'ttopthisone.Soyouwin.You'reoldest."Heshrugged,unsurprisedbymycapitulation."OfcourseIam."

Mike's Suburban chugged around the corner. I pulledmyhandout of Jacob's,andhenudeafacethatIwasn'tmeanttosee."Irememberthisguy,"hesaidinalowvoiceasMikeparkedacrossthestreet."Theonewhothoughtyouwerehisgirlfriend.Ishestillconfused?"

Iraisedoneeyebrow."Somepeoplearehardtodiscourage.""Thenagain,"Jacobsaidthoughtfully,"sometimespersistencepaysoff.""Mostofthetimeit'sjustannoying,though."Mikegotoutofhiscarandcrossedtheroad.

"Hey,Bella,"hegreetedme,and thenhiseyes turnedwaryashe lookedupatJacob.IglancedbrieflyatJacob,too,tryingtobeobjective.Hereallydidn'tlooklikeasophomoreatall.Hewas justsobig–Mike'sheadbarelyclearedJacob'sshoulder;Ididn'tevenwanttothinkwhereImeasurednexttohim–andthenhisfacewasolder-lookingthanitusedtobe,evenamonthago.

"Hey,Mike!DoyourememberJacobBlack?""Notreally."Mikeheldouthishand.

"Old family friend," Jacob introduced himself, shaking hands. They lockedhandswithmore force thannecessary.When theirgripbroke,Mike flexedhisfingers.

Iheardthephoneringingfromthekitchen."I'dbettergetthat–itmightbeCharlie,"Itoldthem,anddashedinside.

ItwasBen.Angelawassickwiththestomachflu,andhedidn'tfeellikecomingwithouther.Heapologizedforbailingonus.

I walked slowly back to the waiting boys, shaking my head. I really hopedAngelawouldfeelbettersoon,but Ihad toadmit that Iwasselfishlyupsetbythisdevelopment.Justthethreeofus,MikeandJacobandme,togetherfortheevening–thishadworkedoutbrilliantly,Ithoughtwithgrimsarcasm.

Itdidn'tseemlikeJakeandMikehadmadeanyprogresstowardsfriendshipinmyabsence.Theywereseveralyardsapart,facingawayfromeachotherastheywaited for me;Mike's expression was sullen, though Jacob's was cheerful asalways."Angissick,"Itoldthemglumly."SheandBenaren'tcoming."

"Iguessthefluismakinganotherround.AustinandConnerwereouttoday,too.Maybeweshoulddothisanothertime,"Mikesuggested.

BeforeIcouldagree,Jacobspoke."I'mstillupforit.Butifyou'drathertostaybehind,Mike–"

"No, I'm coming,"Mike interrupted. "Iwas just thinking ofAngela andBen.Let'sgo."HestartedtowardhisSuburban.

"Hey, do you mind if Jacob drives?" I asked. "I told him he could–he justfinishedhiscar.Hebuilt itfromscratch,allbyhimself,"Ibragged,proudasaPTAmomwithastudentontheprincipal'slist.

"Fine,"Mikesnapped."All right, then," Jacob said, as if that settled everything. He seemed morecomfortablethananyoneelse.MikeclimbedinthebackseatoftheRabbitwithadisgustedexpression.Jacobwashisnormalsunnyself,chatteringawayuntilI'dallbutforgottenMikesulkingsilentlyintheback.AndthenMikechangedhisstrategy.Heleanedforward,restinghischinontheshoulderofmyseat;hischeekalmosttouchedmine.Ishiftedaway,turningmyback toward thewindow. "Doesn't the radiowork in this thing?"Mike askedwithahintofpetulance,interruptingJacobmid-sentence.

"Yes,"Jacobanswered."ButBelladoesn'tlikemusic."IstaredatJacob,surprised.I'dnevertoldhimthat.

"Bella?"Mikeasked,annoyed."He'sright,"Imumbled,stilllookingatJacob'ssereneprofile."Howcanyounotlikemusic?"Mikedemanded.Ishrugged."Idon'tknow.Itjustirritatesme.""Hmph."Mikeleanedaway.Whenwegottothetheater,Jacobhandedmeaten-dollarbill."What'sthis?"Iobjected."I'mnotoldenoughtogetintothisone,"heremindedme.Ilaughedoutloud."Somuchforrelativeages.IsBillygoingtokillmeifIsneak you in?" "No. I told him you were planning to corrupt my youthfulinnocence."Isnickered,andMikequickenedhispacetokeepupwithus.

IalmostwishedthatMikehaddecidedtobowout.Hewasstillsullen–notmuchof an addition to the party. But I didn't want to end up on a date alonewithJacob,either.Thatwouldn'thelpanything.

Themoviewasexactlywhatitprofessedtobe.Injusttheopeningcredits,fourpeoplegotblownupandonegotbeheaded.Thegirlinfrontofmeputherhandsoverhereyesandturnedherface intoherdate'schest.Hepattedhershoulder,andwincedoccasionally, too.Mikedidn't look likehewaswatching.His facewasstiffasheglaredtowardthefringeofcurtainabovethescreen.

Isettled in toendure the twohours,watching thecolorsand themovementonthescreenratherthanseeingtheshapesofpeopleandcarsandhouses.ButthenJacobstartedsniggering.

"What?"Iwhispered."Oh,c'mon!"hehissedback."Thebloodsquirtedtwentyfeetoutofthatguy.Howfakecanyouget?"Hechuckledagain,asaflagpolespearedanothermanintoaconcretewall.

Afterthat,Ireallywatchedtheshow,laughingwithhimasthemayhemgotmoreandmore ridiculous. Howwas I ever going to fight the blurring lines in ourrelationshipwhenIenjoyedbeingwithhimsomuch?

Both Jacob andMike had claimed the armrests on either side ofme.Both oftheirhandsrestedlightly,palmsup,inanunnaturallookingposition.Likesteelbeartraps,openandready.Jacobwasinthehabitoftakingmyhandwheneverthe opportunity presented itself, but here in the darkened movie theater, withMikewatching, itwouldhaveadifferentsignificance–andIwassureheknewthat.Icouldn'tbelievethatMikewasthinkingthesamething,buthishandwasplacedexactlylikeJacob's.

I foldedmyarms tightly acrossmy chest andhoped that both their hands fell

asleep.

Mikegaveupfirst.Abouthalfwaythroughthemovie,hepulledhisarmback,and leaned forward to put his head in his hands. At first I thought he wasreactingtosomethingonthescreen,butthenhemoaned."Mike,areyouokay?"Iwhispered.

Thecoupleinfrontofusturnedtolookathimashegroanedagain.Icouldseethesheenofsweatacrosshisfaceinthelightfromthescreen.

Mikegroanedagain,andboltedforthedoor.Igotuptofollowhim,andJacobcopiedmeimmediately.

"No,stay,"Iwhispered."I'llmakesurehe'sokay."Jacobcamewithmeanyway.

"Youdon'thavetocome.Getyoureightbucksworthofcarnage,"Iinsistedaswewalkeduptheaisle."That'sokay.Yousurecanpickthem,Bella.Thismoviereallysucks."Hisvoicerosefromawhispertoitsnormalpitchaswewalkedoutofthetheater.TherewasnosignofMike in thehallway,andIwasglad then thatJacobhadcomewithme–heduckedintothemen'sbathroomtocheckforhimthere.Jacobwasbackinafewseconds.

"Oh,he'sinthere,allright,"hesaid,rollinghiseyes."Whatamarshmallow.Youshouldholdout forsomeonewithastrongerstomach.Someonewho laughsatthegorethatmakesweakermenvomit."

"I'llkeepmyeyesopenforsomeonelikethat."

Wewereallaloneinthehallway.Boththeaterswerehalfwaythroughthemovie,and it was deserted–quiet enough for us to hear the popcorn popping at theconcessioncounterinthelobby.

Jacobwenttositonthevelveteen-upholsteredbenchagainstthewall,pattingthespacebesidehim."Hesoundedlikehewasgoingtobeinthereforawhile,"hesaid,stretchinghislonglegsoutinfrontofhimashesettledintowait.I joinedhimwith a sigh.He looked likehewas thinking about blurringmorelines.Sureenough,assoonasIsatdown,heshiftedovertoputhisarmaroundmyshoulders.

"Jake," Iprotested, leaningaway.Hedroppedhisarm,not lookingbotheredatallbytheminorrejection.Hereachedoutandtookmyhandfirmly,wrappinghis

otherhandaroundmywristwhenI triedtopullawayagain.Wheredidhegettheconfidencefrom?

"Now, just hold on a minute, Bella," he said in a calm voice. "Tell mesomething."Igrimaced.Ididn'twanttodothis.Notjustnotnow,butnotever.There was nothing lett in my life at this point that was more important thanJacobBlack.Butheseemeddeterminedtoruineverything.

"What?"Imutteredsourly."Youlikeme,right?""YouknowIdo.""Better than that joker puking his guts out in there?"He gestured toward thebathroomdoor."Yes,"Isighed.

"Better than anyof theotherguysyouknow?"Hewas calm, serene–as ifmyanswerdidn'tmatter,orhealreadyknewwhatitwas.

"Betterthanthegirls,too,"Ipointedout."Butthat'sall,"hesaid,anditwasn'taquestion.

Itwashardtoanswer, tosaytheword.Wouldhegethurtandavoidme?HowwouldIstandthat?"Yes,"Iwhispered.Hegrinneddownatme."That'sokay,youknow.Aslongasyoulikemethebest.And you think I'm good-looking–sort of. I'm prepared to be annoyinglypersistent.""I'mnotgoingtochange,"Isaid,andthoughItriedtokeepmyvoicenormal,Icouldhearthesadnessinit.Hisfacewasthoughtful,nolongerteasing."It'sstilltheotherone,isn'tit?"Icringed.Funnyhowheseemedtoknownottosaythename–justlikebeforeinthecarwiththemusic.HepickeduponsomuchaboutmethatIneversaid.

"Youdon'thavetotalkaboutit,"hetoldme.Inodded,grateful.

"Butdon'tgetmadatmeforhangingaround,okay?"Jacobpatted thebackofmyhand."BecauseI'mnotgivingup.I'vegotloadsoftime."I sighed. "You shouldn't waste it on me," I said, though I wanted him to.EspeciallyifhewaswillingtoacceptmethewayIwas–damagedgoods,asis.

"It'swhatIwanttodo,aslongasyoustillliketobewithme.""Ican'timaginehowIcouldnotlikebeingwithyou,"Itoldhimhonestly.Jacobbeamed."Icanlivewiththat."

"Justdon't expectmore," Iwarnedhim, trying topullmyhandaway.Heheldontoitobstinately."Thisdoesn't reallybotheryou, does it?"hedemanded, squeezingmy fingers."No,"Isighed.Truthfully,itfeltnice.Hishandwassomuchwarmerthanmine;Ialwaysfelttoocoldthesedays.

"And you don't care what he thinks." Jacob jerked his thumb toward thebathroom."Iguessnot.""Sowhat'stheproblem?""Theproblem,"Isaid,"is,thatitmeanssomethingdifferenttomethanitdoestoyou.""Well."Hetightenedhishandaroundmine"That'smyproblem,isn'tit?""Fine,"Igrumbled."Don'tforgetit,though.""Iwon't.Thepin'soutofthegrenadeforme,now,eh?"Hepokedmeintheribs.Irolledmyeyes.Iguessifhefeltlikemakingajokeoutofit,hewasentitled.

Hechuckledquietlyforaminutewhilehispinkyfingerabsentlytraceddesignsagainstthesideofmyhand."That's a funny scar you've got there," he suddenly said, twistingmy hand toexamineit."Howdidthathappen?"Theindexfingerofhisfreehandfollowedthelineofthelongsilverycrescentthatwasbarelyvisibleagainstmypaleskin.Iscowled."Doyouhonestlyexpectme to rememberwhereallmyscarscomefrom?"Iwaitedforthememorytohit–toopenthegapinghole.But,asitsooftendid,Jacob'spresencekeptmewhole."It'scold,"hemurmured,pressinglightlyagainsttheplacewhereJameshadcutmewithhisteeth.And thenMike stumbled out of the bathroom, his face ashen and covered insweat.Helookedhorrible.

"Oh, Mike," I gasped. "Do you mind leaving early?" he whispered. "No, ofcourse not." I pulled my hand free and went to help Mike walk. He lookedunsteady."Movietoomuchforyou?"Jacobaskedheartlessly.

Mike's glarewasmalevolent. "I didn't actually see any of it," hemumbled. "Iwasnauseatedbeforethelightswentdown."

"Whydidn'tyousaysomething?"Iscoldedaswestaggeredtowardtheexit."Iwashopingitwouldpass,"hesaid.

"Justasec,"Jacobsaidaswereachedthedoor.Hewalkedquicklybacktotheconcessionstand."CouldIhaveanemptypopcornbucket?"heaskedthesalesgirl.Shelookedat

Mikeonce,andthenthrustabucketatJacob."Gethimoutside,please," shebegged.Shewasobviously theonewhowouldhavetocleanthefloor.I towed Mike out into the cool, wet air. He inhaled deeply. Jacob was rightbehindus.HehelpedmegetMikeintothebackofthecar,andhandedhimthebucket with a serious gaze. "Please," was all Jacob said.We rolled down thewindows, letting the icy night air blow through the car, hoping it would helpMike.Icurledmyarmsaroundmylegstokeepwarm.

"Cold, again?" Jacobasked,puttinghisarmaroundmebefore I couldanswer."You'renot?"Heshookhishead.

"Youmusthaveafeverorsomething,"Igrumbled.Itwasfreezing.Itouchedmyfingerstohisforehead,andhisheadwashot.

"Whoa,Jake–you'reburningup!""Ifeelfine."Heshrugged."Fitasafiddle."Ifrownedandtouchedhisheadagain.Hisskinblazedundermyfingers."Yourhandsarelikeice,"hecomplained."Maybeit'sme,"Iallowed.

Mikegroanedinthebackseat,andthrewupinthebucket.Igrimaced,hopingmyownstomachcouldstandthesoundandsmell.Jacobcheckedanxiouslyoverhisshouldertomakesurehiscarwasn'tdefiled.

The road felt longeron thewayback. Jacobwasquiet, thoughtful.He lefthisarmaroundme,anditwassowarmthatthecoldwindfeltgood.Istaredoutthewindshield,consumedwithguilt.

Itwas sowrong to encourage Jacob. Pure selfishness. It didn'tmatter that I'dtriedtomakemypositionclear.Ifhefeltanyhopeatallthatthiscouldturnintosomethingotherthanfriendship,thenIhadn'tbeenclearenough.

HowcouldIexplainsothathewouldunderstand?Iwasanemptyshell.Likeavacanthouse–condemned–formonthsI'dbeenutterlyuninhabitable.NowIwasalittleimproved.Thefrontroomwasinbetterrepair.Butthatwasall–justtheone small piece.He deserved better than that–better than a one-room, falling-down fixer-upper.No amount of investment on his part could putme back inworkingorder.

Yet Iknewthat Iwouldn't sendhimaway, regardless. Ineededhimtoomuch,and Iwas selfish.Maybe I couldmakemy sidemore clear, so that hewould

knowtoleaveme.Thethoughtmademeshudder,andJacobtightenedhisarmaroundme.

IdroveMikehomeinhisSuburban,whileJacobfollowedbehindustotakemehome.Jacobwasquietallthewaybacktomyhouse,andIwonderedifhewerethinkingthesamethingsthatIwas.Maybehewaschanginghismind.

"Iwouldinvitemyselfin,sincewe'reearly,"hesaidaswepulledupnexttomytruck. "But I think you might be right about the fever. I'm starting to feel alittle… strange." "Ohno, not you, too!Doyouwantme to drive youhome?""No."He shookhishead,his eyebrowspulling together. "Idon't feel sickyet.Just…wrong.IfIhaveto,I'llpullover."

"Will you callme as soon asyouget in?" I asked anxiously. "Sure, sure."Hefrowned,staringaheadintothedarknessandbitinghislip.

Iopenedmydoortogetout,buthegrabbedmywristlightlyandheldmethere.Inoticedagainhowhothisskinfeltonmine.

"Whatisit,Jake?"Iasked."There'ssomethingIwanttotellyou,Bella…butIthinkit'sgoingtosoundkindof corny." I sighed. This would be more of the same from the theater. "Goahead."

"It's just that, I know how you're unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn't helpanything,but Iwantedyou toknow that I'malwayshere. Iwon't ever letyoudown–Ipromisethatyoucanalwayscountonme.Wow,thatdoessoundcorny.Butyouknowthat,right?ThatIwouldnever,everhurtyou?"

"Yeah,Jake.Iknowthat.AndIalreadydocountonyou,probablymorethanyouknow."

Thesmilebrokeacrosshisfacethewaythesunrisesetthecloudsonfire,andIwantedtocutmytongueout.Ihadn'tsaidonewordthatwasalie,butIshouldhavelied.Thetruthwaswrong,itwouldhurthim.Iwouldlethimdown.

Astrangelookcrossedhisface."IreallythinkI'dbettergohomenow,"hesaid.Igotoutquickly."Callme!"Iyelledashepulledaway.

Iwatchedhimgo,andheseemedtobeincontrolofthecar,atleast.Istaredattheemptystreetwhenhewasgone,feelingalittlesickmyself,butnotforanyphysicalreason.

HowmuchIwishedthatJacobBlackhadbeenbornmybrother,myflesh-and-bloodbrother,so thatIwouldhavesomelegitimateclaimonhimthatstill left

mefreeofanyblamenow.HeavenknowsIhadneverwantedtouseJacob,butIcouldn'thelpbutinterprettheguiltIfeltnowtomeanthatIhad.

Evenmore,Ihadnevermeanttolovehim.OnethingItrulyknew–knewitinthepit ofmy stomach, in the center ofmybones, knew it from the crownofmyheadtothesolesofmyfeet,knewitdeepinmyemptychest–washowlovegavesomeonethepowertobreakyou.

I'dbeenbrokenbeyondrepair.

ButIneededJacobnow,neededhimlikeadrug.I'dusedhimasacrutchfortoolong, and I was in deeper than I'd planned to go with anyone again. Now Icouldn'tbearforhimtobehurt,andIcouldn'tkeepfromhurtinghim,either.Hethought timeandpatiencewouldchangeme,and, though Iknewhewasdeadwrong,IalsoknewthatIwouldlethimtry.

Hewasmybest friend. Iwouldalways lovehim, and itwouldnever, everbeenough.Iwentinsidetositbythephoneandbitemynails.

"Movieoveralready?"CharlieaskedinsurprisewhenIcamein.Hewasonthefloor,justafootfromtheTV.Mustbeanexcitinggame.

"Mikegotsick,"Iexplained."Somekindofstomachflu.""Youokay?""I feelfinenow,"Isaiddoubtfully.Clearly,I'dbeenexposed.

Ileanedagainstthekitchencounter,myhandinchesfromthephone,andtriedtowait patiently. I thought of the strange look on Jacob's face before he droveaway, and my fingers started drumming against the counter. I should haveinsistedondrivinghimhome.

I watched the clock as the minutes ticked by Ten. Fifteen. Even when I wasdriving,ittookonlyfifteenminutes,andJacobdrovefasterthanIdid.Eighteenminutes.Ipickedupthephoneanddialed.

Itrangandrang.MaybeBillywasasleep.MaybeI'ddialedwrong.Itriedagain.Ontheeighthring,justasIwasabouttohangup,Billyanswered."Hello?"heasked. His voice was wary, like he was expecting bad news. "Billy, it's me,Bella–didJakemakeithomeyet?Helefthereabouttwentyminutesago.""He'shere,"Billysaidtonelessly.

"Hewassupposedtocallme."Iwasalittleirritated."Hewasgettingsickwhenheleft,andIwasworried.""He was… too sick to call. He's not feeling well right now." Billy soundeddistant.IrealizedhemustwanttobewithJacob.

"Letmeknowifyouneedanyhelp,"Ioffered."Icouldcomedown."IthoughtofBilly,stuckinhischair,andJakefendingforhimself…

"No,no,"Billysaidquickly."We'refine.Stayatyourplace."Thewayhesaiditwasalmostrude."Okay,"Iagreed."Bye,Bella."Thelinedisconnected."Bye,"Imuttered.

Well,atleasthe'dmadeithome.Oddly,Ididn'tfeellessworried.Itrudgedupthestairs,fretting.MaybeIwouldgodownbeforeworktomorrowtocheckonhim. I could take soup–we had to have a can of Campbell's around heresomewhere.IrealizedallsuchplanswerecanceledwhenIwokeupearly–myclocksaidfourthirty–and sprinted to the bathroom.Charlie foundme there a half hour later,lyingonthefloor,mycheekpressedagainstthecoldedgeofthebathtub.

Helookedatmeforalongmoment."Stomachflu,"hefinallysaid."Yes,"Imoaned."Youneedsomething?"heasked.

"CalltheNewtonsforme,please,"Iinstructedhoarsely."TellthemIhavewhatMikehas,andthatIcan'tmakeitintoday.TellthemI'msorry.""Sure,noproblem,"Charlieassuredme.

Ispenttherestofthedayonthebathroomfloor,sleepingforafewhourswithmy head on a crumpled up towel. Charlie claimed that he had towork, but Isuspectedthathejustwantedaccesstoabathroom.Heleftaglassofwateronthefloorbesidemetokeepmehydrated.

Itwokeme upwhen he came back home. I could see that itwas dark inmyroom–afternightfall.Heclumpedupthestairstocheckonme.

"Stillalive?""Sortof,"Isaid."Doyouwantanything?""No,thanks."

Hehesitated,clearlyoutofhiselement."Okay,then,"hesaid,andthenhewentbackdowntothekitchen.Iheard thephoneringa fewminutes later.Charliespoke tosomeone ina lowvoiceforamoment,andthenhungup."Mikefeelsbetter,"hecalleduptome.Well, thatwasencouraging.He'donlygottensickeighthoursorsobeforeme.

Eightmorehours.Thethoughtmademystomachturn,andIpulledmyselfuptoleanoverthetoilet.

Ifellasleeponthetowelagain,butwhenIwokeupIwasinmybedanditwaslightoutsidemywindow.Ididn'tremembermoving;Charliemusthavecarriedme to my room–he'd also put the glass of water on my bedside table. I feltparched.Ichuggeditdown,thoughittastedfunnyfromsittingstagnantallnight.Igotupslowly,tryingnottotriggerthenauseaagain.Iwasweak,andmymouthtastedhorrible,butmystomachfeltfine.Ilookedatmyclock.

My twenty-four hours were up. I didn't push it, eating nothing but saltinecrackersforbreakfast.Charlielookedrelievedtoseemerecovered.As soon as I was sure that I wasn't going to have to spend the day on thebathroomflooragain,IcalledJacob.

Jacobwastheonewhoanswered,butwhenIheardhisgreetingIknewhewasn'tover it. "Hello?" His voice was broken, cracking. "Oh, Jake," I groanedsympathetically. "You soundhorrible." "I feel horrible," hewhispered. "I'm sosorryImadeyougooutwithme.Thissucks.""I'mgladIwent."Hisvoicewasstill awhisper. "Don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault." "You'll get bettersoon,"Ipromised."Iwokeupthismorning,andIwasfine.""Youweresick?"heaskeddully. "Yes, Igot it, too.But I'mfinenow.""That'sgood."Hisvoicewasdead."Soyou'llprobablybebetter ina fewhours," Iencouraged. Icouldbarelyhearhisanswer."Idon'tthinkIhavethesamethingyoudid.""Don'tyouhavethestomachflu?"Iasked,confused."No.Thisissomethingelse.""What'swrongwith you?" "Everything," hewhispered. "Every part ofme hurts." Thepain inhisvoicewasnearly tangible. "Whatcan Ido, Jake?Whatcan Ibringyou?""Nothing.Youcan'tcomehere."Hewasabrupt.ItremindedmeofBillytheothernight."I'vealreadybeenexposedtowhateveryouhave,"Ipointedout.Heignoredme."I'llcallyouwhenIcan.I'llletyouknowwhenyoucancomedownagain.""Jacob–""I'vegot togo,"hesaidwithsuddenurgency."Callmewhen you feel better." "Right," he agreed, and his voice had a strange, bitteredge.Hewassilentforamoment.Iwaswaitingforhimtosaygoodbye,buthewaitedtoo."I'llseeyousoon,"Ifinallysaid."Waitformetocall,"hesaidagain."Okay…Bye, Jacob." "Bella," hewhisperedmy name, and then hung up thephone.

10.THEMEADOWJACOBDIDN'TCALL.

ThefirsttimeIcalled,BillyansweredandtoldmethatJacobwasstillinbed.I

gotnosy,checkingtomakesurethatBillyhadtakenhimtoadoctor.Billysaidhehad,but,forsomereasonIcouldn'tnaildown,Ididn'treallybelievehim.Icalled again, several times a day, for the next two days, but no onewas everthere.

Saturday,Idecidedtogoseehim,invitationbedamned.Butthelittleredhousewasempty.Thisfrightenedme–wasJacobsosickthathe'dneededtogotothehospital?Istoppedby thehospitalon thewaybackhome,but thenurseat thefrontdesktoldmeneitherJacoborBillyhadbeenin.

I made Charlie call Harry Clearwater as soon as he got home from work. Iwaited, anxious, while Charlie chatted with his old friend; the conversationseemed to go on foreverwithout Jacob even beingmentioned. It seemed thatHarry had been in the hospital . . some kind of tests for his heart. Charlie'sforeheadgotallpinchedtogether,butHarryjokedwithhim,blowingitoff,untilCharliewaslaughingagain.OnlythendidCharlieaskaboutJacob,andnowhissideof theconversationdidn'tgivememuch toworkwith, justa lotofhmmsandyeahs.Idrummedmyfingersagainstthecounterbesidehimuntilheputahandoverminetostopme.

Finally,Charliehungupthephoneandturnedtome.

"Harrysaysthere'sbeensometroublewiththephonelines,andthat'swhyyouhaven'tbeenable toget through.Billy tookJake to thedocdownthere,and itlookslikehehasmono.He'srealtired,andBillysaidnovisitors,"hereported.

"Novisitors?"Idemandedindisbelief.Charlieraisedoneeyebrow."Nowdon'tyougomakingapestofyourself,Bells.Billy knows what's best for Jake. He'll be up and around soon enough. Bepatient."

Ididn'tpushit.CharliewastooworriedaboutHarry.Thatwasclearlythemoreimportantissue–itwouldn'tberighttobughimwithmylesserconcerns.Instead,Iwentstraightupstairsandturnedonmycomputer.Ifoundamedicalsiteonlineandtyped"mononucleosis"intothesearchbox.

AllIknewaboutmonowasthatyouweresupposedtogetitfromkissing,whichwas clearly not the case with Jake. I read through the symptoms quickly–thefeverhedefinitelyhad,butwhatabouttherestofit?Nohorriblesorethroat,noexhaustion, noheadaches, at least not beforehe'dgonehome from themovie;he'dsaidhefelt"fitasafiddle."Diditreallycomeonsofast?Thearticlemadeitsoundlikethesorestuffshowedupfirst.

I glared at the computer screen andwonderedwhy, exactly, Iwas doing this.WhydidIfeelso…sosuspicious,likeIdidn'tbelieveBilly'sstory?WhywouldBillylietoHarry?

Iwasbeingsilly,probably.Iwasjustworried,and,tobehonest,IwasafraidofnotbeingallowedtoseeJacob–thatmademenervous.I skimmed through the rest of the article, looking for more information. IstoppedwhenIgottothepartabouthowmonocouldlastmorethanamonth.Amonth?Mymouth fellopen.ButBillycouldn'tenforce theno-visitors thingthat long.Of course not. Jakewould go crazy stuck in bed that longwithoutanyonetotalkto.What was Billy afraid of, anyway? The article said that a person with mononeeded to avoid physical activity, but there was nothing about visitors. Thediseasewasn'tveryinfectious.

I'dgiveBillyaweek,Idecided,beforeIgotpushy.Aweekwasgenerous.Aweekwaslong.ByWednesday,IwassureIwasn'tgoingtolivetillSaturday.

When I'd decided to leave Billy and Jacob alone for a week, I hadn't reallybelievedthatJacobwouldgoalongwithBilly'srule.EverydaywhenIgothomefromschool,Irantothephonetocheckformessages.Thereneverwereany.

I cheated three times by trying to call him, but the phone lines still weren'tworking.

Iwasinthehousemuchtoomuch,andmuchtooalone.WithoutJacob,andmyadrenaline andmydistractions, everything I'dbeen repressing started creepinguponme.Thedreamsgothardagain.Icouldnolongerseetheendcoming.Justthehorriblenothingness–half the time in the forest,half the time in theemptyfern sea where the white house no longer existed. Sometimes SamUley wasthere in the forest, watching me again. I paid him no attention–there was nocomfort inhispresence; itmademe feelno less alone. It didn't stopme fromscreamingmyselfawake,nightafternight.

The hole inmy chestwasworse than ever. I'd thought that I'd been getting itunder control, but I found myself hunched over, day after day, clutching mysidestogetherandgaspingforair.

Iwasn'thandlingalonewell.

IwasrelievedbeyondmeasurethemorningIwokeup–screaming,ofcourse–andremembered that itwas Saturday. Today I could call Jacob.And if the phonelines stillweren'tworking, then Iwas going toLaPush.Onewayor another,

todaywouldbebetterthanthelastlonelyweek.

Idialed,andthenwaitedwithouthighexpectations.ItcaughtmeoffguardwhenBillyansweredonthesecondring."Hello?"

"Oh,hey,thephoneisworkingagain!Hi,Billy.It'sBella.IwasjustcallingtoseehowJacobisdoing.Isheupforvisitorsyet?Iwasthinkingaboutdroppingby–""I'msorry,Bella,"Billyinterrupted,andIwonderedifhewerewatchingTV;hesoundeddistracted."He'snotin.""Oh."Ittookmeasecond."Sohe'sfeelingbetterthen?""Yeah,"Billyhesitatedfor an instant too long. "Turns out it wasn't mono after all. Just some othervirus.""Oh.So…whereishe?""He'sgivingsomefriendsarideuptoPortAngeles–Ithinktheyweregoingtocatchadoublefeatureorsomething.He'sgoneforthewholeday.""Well, that'sa relief. I'vebeensoworried. I'mgladhefeltgoodenough togetout."MyvoicesoundedhorriblyphonyasIbabbledon.

Jacobwasbetter,butnotwellenoughtocallme.Hewasoutwithfriends.Iwassitting home, missing him more every hour. I was lonely, worried, bored…perforated–andnowalsodesolateasI realized that theweekaparthadnothadthesameeffectonhim.

"Isthereanythinginparticularyouwanted?"Billyaskedpolitely."No,notreally.""Well,I'lltellhimthatyoucalled,"Billypromised."Bye,Bella.""Bye,"Ireplied,buthe'dalreadyhungup.Istoodforamomentwiththephonestillinmyhand.

Jacobmusthavechangedhismind,justlikeI'dfeared.Hewasgoingtotakemyadvice and not waste any more time on someone who couldn't return hisfeelings.Ifeltthebloodrunoutofmyface.

"Somethingwrong?"Charlieaskedashecamedownthestairs."No,"Ilied,hangingupthephone."BillysaysJacobisfeelingbetter.Itwasn'tmono.Sothat'sgood.""Ishecominghere,orareyougoingthere?"Charlieaskedabsentmindedlyashestartedpokingthroughthefridge."Neither,"Iadmitted."He'sgoingoutwithsomeotherfriends."ThetoneofmyvoicefinallycaughtCharlie'sattention.Helookedupatmewithsuddenalarm,hishandsfrozenaroundapackageofcheeseslices.

"Isn't italittleearlyforlunch?"IaskedaslightlyasIcouldmanage,tryingtodistract him. "No, I'm just packing something to take out to the river…" "Oh,fishingtoday?"

"Well,Harrycalled…andit'snotraining."Hewascreatingastackoffoodonthe counter as he spoke. Suddenly he looked up again as if he'd just realizedsomething."Say,didyouwantmetostaywithyou,sinceJake'sout?"

"That's okay,Dad," I said, working to sound indifferent. "The fish bite betterwhentheweather'snice."Hestaredatme,indecisionclearonhisface.Iknewthathewasworrying,afraidtoleavemealone,incaseIgot"mopey"again.

"Seriously,Dad.IthinkI'llcallJessica,"Ifibbedquickly.I'dratherbealonethanhavehimwatchingmeallday."WehaveaCalculustesttostudyfor.Icoulduseherhelp."Thatpartwastrue.ButI'dhavetomakedowithoutit.

"That'sagoodidea.You'vebeenspendingsomuchtimewithJacob,yourotherfriendsaregoingtothinkyou'veforgottenthem."IsmiledandnoddedasifIcaredwhatmyotherfriendsthought.Charlie started to turn, but then spun back with a worried expression. "Hey,you'llstudyhereoratJess's,right?"

"Sure,whereelse?""Well,it'sjustthatIwantyoutobecarefultostayoutofthewoods,likeItoldyoubefore."Ittookmeaminutetounderstand,distractedasIwas."Morebeartrouble?"

Charlie nodded, frowning. "We've got a missing hiker–the rangers found hiscampearlythismorning,butnosignofhim.Thereweresomereallybiganimalprints…of course those could have come later, smelling the food…Anyway,they'resettingtrapsforitnow."

"Oh,"Isaidvaguely.Iwasn'treallylisteningtohiswarnings;IwasmuchmoreupsetbythesituationwithJacobthanbythepossibilityofbeingeatenbyabear.

IwasgladthatCharliewasinahurry.Hedidn'twaitformetocallJessica,soIdidn'thavetoputonthatcharade.Iwentthroughthemotionsofgatheringmyschool-booksonthekitchentabletopacktheminmybag;thatwasprobablytoomuch, and if he hadn't been eager to hit the holes, it might have made himsuspicious.

Iwas sobusy lookingbusy that the ferociously emptyday aheaddidn't really

crashdownonmeuntilafterI'dwatchedhimdriveaway.Itonlytookabouttwominutes of staring at the silent kitchen phone to decide that I wasn't stayinghometoday.Iconsideredmyoptions.

Iwasn'tgoingtocallJessica.AsfarasIcouldtell,Jessicahadcrossedovertothe dark side. I could drive to La Push and get mymotorcycle–an appealingthoughtbutforoneminorproblem:whowasgoingtodrivemetotheemergencyroomifIneededitafterward?

Or… I already had our map and compass in the truck. I was pretty sure Iunderstood the processwell enough by now that Iwouldn'tget lost.Maybe Icouldeliminatetwolinestoday,puttingusaheadofscheduleforwheneverJacobdecidedtohonormewithhispresenceagain.Irefusedtothinkabouthowlongthatmightbe.Orifitwasgoingtobenever.

IfeltabrieftwingeofguiltasIrealizedhowCharliewouldfeelaboutthis,butIignoredit.Ijustcouldn'tstayinthehouseagaintoday.

A few minutes later I was on the familiar dirt road that led to nowhere inparticular.IhadthewindowsrolleddownandIdroveasfastaswashealthyformy truck, trying to enjoy thewind againstmy face. Itwas cloudy, but almostdry–averyniceday,forForks.

GettingstartedtookmelongerthanitwouldhavetakenJacob.AfterIparkedintheusualspot,Ihadtospendagoodfifteenminutesstudyingthelittleneedleonthe compass face and the markings on the now worn map. When I wasreasonablycertainthatIwasfollowingtherightlineoftheweb,Isetoffintothewoods.

Theforestwasfulloflifetoday,allthelittlecreaturesenjoyingthemomentarydryness.Somehow,though,evenwiththebirdschirpingandcawing,theinsectsbuzzing noisily around my head, and the occasional scurry of the field micethroughtheshrubs,theforestseemedcreepiertoday;itremindedmeofmymostrecent nightmare. I knew it was just because I was alone, missing Jacob'scarefreewhistleandthesoundofanotherpairoffeetsquishingacrossthedampground.

The sense of unease grew stronger the deeper I got into the trees. Breathingstarted togetmoredifficult–notbecauseofexertion,butbecauseIwashavingtroublewiththestupidholeinmychestagain.Ikeptmyarmstightaroundmytorsoandtriedtobanishtheachefrommythoughts.Ialmostturnedaround,butIhatedtowastetheeffortI'dalreadyexpended.

TherhythmofmyfootstepsstartedtonumbmymindandmypainasItrudgedon. My breathing evened out eventually, and I was glad I hadn't quit. I wasgettingbetteratthisbushwhackingthing;IcouldtellIwasfaster.I didn't realize quite howmuch more efficiently I was moving. I thought I'dcoveredmaybefourmiles,andIwasn'tevenstarting to lookaroundfor ityet.Andthen,withanabruptnessthatdisorientedme,Isteppedthroughalowarchmadebytwovinemaples–pushingpastthechest-highferns–intothemeadow.

Itwasthesameplace,ofthatIwasinstantlysure.I'dneverseenanotherclearingsosymmetrical.Itwasasperfectlyroundasifsomeonehadintentionallycreatedtheflawlesscircle,tearingoutthetreesbutleavingnoevidenceofthatviolenceinthewavinggrass.Totheeast,Icouldhearthestreambubblingquietly.

The placewasn't nearly so stunningwithout the sunlight, but itwas still verybeautifulandserene. Itwas thewrongseasonforwildflowers; thegroundwasthickwithtallgrassthatswayedinthelightbreezelikeripplesacrossalake.

Itwasthesameplace…butitdidn'tholdwhatIhadbeensearchingfor.Thedisappointmentwasnearlyasinstantaneousastherecognition.IsankdownrightwhereIwas,kneelingthereattheedgeoftheclearing,beginningtogasp.

Whatwasthepointofgoinganyfarther?Nothinglingeredhere.NothingmorethanthememoriesthatIcouldhavecalledbackwheneverIwantedto,ifIwaseverwillingtoendurethecorrespondingpain–thepainthathadmenow,hadmecold.Therewasnothing special about this placewithouthim. Iwasn't exactlysure what I'd hoped to feel here, but the meadow was empty of atmosphere,empty of everything, just like everywhere else. Just like my nightmares. Myheadswirleddizzily.

At least I'd come alone. I felt a rush of thankfulness as I realized that. If I'ddiscovered the meadow with Jacob… well, there was no way I could havedisguised the abyss Iwasplunging intonow.Howcould I have explained theway Iwas fracturing intopieces, theway I had to curl into aball tokeep theemptyhole from tearingmeapart? Itwas somuchbetter that Ididn'thaveanaudience.

And Iwouldn'thave toexplain toanyonewhy Iwas in suchahurry to leave,either.Jacobwouldhaveassumed,aftergoingtosomuchtrouble to locate thestupidplace, Iwouldwant to spendmore than a few secondshere.But Iwasalreadytryingtofindthestrengthtogettomyfeetagain,forcingmyselfoutoftheballsothatIcouldescape.Therewastoomuchpaininthisemptyplacetobear–IwouldcrawlawayifIhadto.

HowluckythatIwasalone!

Alone . I repeated thewordwithgrimsatisfactionasIwrenchedmyself tomyfeet despite the pain.At precisely thatmoment, a figure stepped out from thetreestothenorth,somethirtypacesaway.

A dizzying array of emotions shot through me in a second. The first wassurprise;Iwasfarfromanytrailhere,andIdidn'texpectcompany.Then,asmyeyesfocusedonthemotionlessfigure,seeingtheutterstillness,thepallidskin,arush of piercing hope rocked through me. I suppressed it viciously, fightingagainsttheequallysharplashofagonyasmyeyescontinuedtothefacebeneaththeblackhair, thefacethatwasn't theoneIwantedtosee.Nextwasfear; thiswasnotthefaceIgrievedfor,butitwascloseenoughformetoknowthatthemanfacingmewasnostrayhiker.

Andfinally, in theend, recognition."Laurent!" Icried insurprisedpleasure. Itwasanirrationalresponse.Iprobablyshouldhavestoppedatfear.

Laurent had been one of James's coven when we'd first met. He hadn't beeninvolvedwith thehunt that followed–thehuntwhereIwas thequarry–but thatwasonlybecausehewasafraid;Iwasprotectedbyabiggercoventhanhisown.Itwouldhavebeendifferentifthatwasn'tthecase–he'dhadnocompunctions,atthe time, against making a meal of me. Of course, he must have changed,becausehe'dgonetoAlaskatolivewiththeothercivilizedcoventhere,theotherfamily that refused todrinkhumanbloodforethical reasons.Theother familylike…butIcouldn'tletmyselfthinkthename.

Yes, fear would have made more sense, but all I felt was an overwhelmingsatisfaction. The meadow was a magic place again. A darker magic than I'dexpected,tobesure,butmagicallthesame.HerewastheconnectionI'dsought.Theproof,howeverremote,that–somewhereinthesameworldwhereIlived–hedidexist.

Itwas impossiblehowexactly thesameLaurent looked. I suppose itwasverysillyandhuman toexpect somekindofchange in the lastyear.But therewassomething…Icouldn'tquiteputmyfingeronit.

"Bella?" he asked, looking more astonished than I felt. "You remember." Ismiled.ItwasridiculousthatIshouldbesoelatedbecauseavampireknewmyname.

He grinned. "I didn't expect to see you here." He strolled toward me, hisexpression bemused. "Isn't it the other way around? I do live here. I thought

you'dgonetoAlaska."

Hestoppedabouttenpacesaway,cockinghisheadtotheside.Hisfacewasthemost beautiful face I'd seen inwhat felt like an eternity. I studiedhis featureswith a strangely greedy sense of release. Here was someone I didn't have topretendfor–someonewhoalreadykneweverythingIcouldneversay.

"You're right," he agreed. "I did go toAlaska. Still, I didn't expect…When IfoundtheCullenplaceempty,Ithoughtthey'dmovedon."

"Oh."Ibitmylipasthenamesettherawedgesofmywoundthrobbing.Ittookmea second to composemyself.Laurentwaitedwith curious eyes. "Theydidmoveon,"Ifinallymanagedtotellhim.

"Hmm,"hemurmured."I'msurprisedtheyleftyoubehind.Weren'tyousortofapetoftheirs?"Hiseyeswereinnocentofanyintendedoffense.

Ismiledwryly."Somethinglikethat.""Hmm,"hesaid,thoughtfulagain.

Atthatprecisemoment,Irealizedwhyhelookedthesame–toomuchthesame.AfterCarlisletoldusthatLaurenthadstayedwithTanya'sfamily,I'dbeguntopicture him, on the rare occasions that I thought of him at all,with the samegolden eyes that the… Cullens–I forced the name out, wincing–had. That allgoodvampireshad.

I took an involuntary step back, and his curious, dark red eyes followed themovement. "Do theyvisit often?"he asked, still casual, but hisweight shiftedtoward me. "Lie," the beautiful velvet voice whispered anxiously from mymemory.

Istartedatthesoundofhisvoice,butitshouldnothavesurprisedme.WasInorintheworstdangerimaginable?Themotorcyclewassafeaskittensnexttothis.Ididwhatthevoicesaidtodo.

"Now and again." I tried to make my voice light, relaxed. "The time seemslongertome,Iimagine.Youknowhowtheygetdistracted…"Iwasbeginningtobabble.Ihadtoworktoshutmyselfup.

"Hmm,"hesaidagain."Thehousesmelledlikeithadbeenvacantforawhile…""Youmustliebetterthanthat,Bella,"thevoiceurged.

Itried."I'llhavetomentiontoCarlislethatyoustoppedby.He'llbesorrytheymissed your visit." I pretended to deliberate for a second. "But I probablyshouldn'tmentionitto…Edward,Isuppose–"Ibarelymanagedtosayhisname,

andit twistedmyexpressiononthewayout,ruiningmybluff"–hehassuchatemper…well,I'msureyouremember.He'sstilltouchyaboutthewholeJamesthing."Irolledmyeyesandwavedonehanddismissively,likeitwasallancienthistory,buttherewasanedgeofhysteriatomyvoice.Iwonderedifhewouldrecognizewhatitwas.

"Ishereally?"Laurentaskedpleasantly…skeptically.Ikeptmyreplyshort,sothatmyvoicewouldn'tbetraymypanic."Mm-hmm."Laurenttookacasualsteptotheside,gazingaroundatthelittlemeadow.Ididn'tmiss that the stepbrought himcloser tome. Inmyhead, thevoice respondedwithalowsnarl.

"SohowarethingsworkingoutinDenali?CarlislesaidyouwerestayingwithTanya?"Myvoicewastoohigh.

Thequestionmadehimpause. "I likeTanyaverymuch,"hemused. "AndhersisterIrinaevenmore…I'veneverstayedinoneplaceforsolongbefore,andIenjoy theadvantages, thenoveltyof it.But, the restrictionsaredifficult…I'msurprised that any of them can keep it up for long." He smiled at meconspiratorially."SometimesIcheat."

Icouldn'tswallow.Myfootstartedtoeaseback,butIfrozewhenhisredeyesflickereddowntocatchthemovement."Oh,"Isaidinafaintvoice."Jasperhasproblemswiththat,too.""Don'tmove,"thevoicewhispered.Itriedtodowhatheinstructed.Itwashard;theinstincttotakeflightwasnearlyuncontrollable.

"Really?"Laurentseemedinterested."Isthatwhytheyleft?""No,"Iansweredhonestly."Jasper ismorecarefulathome.""Yes,"Laurentagreed."Iam, too."Thestepforwardhetooknowwasquitedeliberate.

"DidVictoria ever find you?" I asked, breathless, desperate to distract him. Itwasthefirstquestionthatpoppedintomyhead,andIregretteditassoonasthewords were spoken. Victoria–who had hunted me with James, and thendisappeared–wasnotsomeoneIwantedtothinkofatthisparticularmoment.

Butthequestiondidstophim."Yes,"hesaid,hesitatingonthatstep."Iactuallycamehereasafavor toher."Hemadeaface."Shewon'tbehappyaboutthis.""Aboutwhat?"Isaideagerly,invitinghimtocontinue.Hewasglaringintothetrees, away fromme. I took advantage of his diversion, taking a furtive stepback.

He lookedbackatmeandsmiled–theexpressionmadehim look likeablack-hairedangel."Aboutmekillingyou,"heansweredinaseductivepurr.Istaggeredbackanotherstep.Thefranticgrowlinginmyheadmadeithardtohear.

"Shewantedtosavethatpartforherself,"hewentonblithely."She'ssortof…putoutwithyou,Bella.""Me?" I squeaked.He shookhis head and chuckled. "I know, it seems a littlebackwardtome,too.ButJameswashermate,andyourEdwardkilledhim."Evenhere,onthepointofdeath,hisnametoreagainstmyunhealedwoundslikeaserratededge.

Laurentwasoblivious tomy reaction. "She thought itmoreappropriate tokillyouthanEdward–fairturnabout,mateformate.Sheaskedmetogetthelayofthelandforher,sotospeak.Ididn'timagineyouwouldbesoeasytogetto.Somaybeherplanwasflawed–apparentlyitwouldn'tbetherevengesheimagined,sinceyoumustnotmeanverymuchtohimifheleftyouhereunprotected."

Anotherblow,another tear throughmychest.Laurent'sweightshiftedslightly,andIstumbledanotherstepback.Hefrowned."Isupposeshe'llbeangry,allthesame.""Thenwhynotwaitforher?"Ichokedout.

Amischievous grin rearranged his features. "Well, you've caughtme at a badtime,Bella.Ididn'tcometothisplaceonVictoria'smission–Iwashunting.I'mquitethirsty,andyoudosmell…simplymouthwatering."

Laurentlookedatmewithapproval,asifhemeantitasacompliment."Threatenhim,"thebeautifuldelusionordered,hisvoicedistortedwithdread."He'llknowitwasyou,"Iwhisperedobediently."Youwon'tgetawaywiththis."

"Andwhynot?"Laurent'ssmilewidened.Hegazedaroundthesmallopeninginthe trees."Thescentwillwashawaywith thenext rain.Noonewill findyourbody–you'll simply gomissing, like somany,many other humans. There's noreason for Edward to think of me, if he cares enough to investigate. This isnothingpersonal,letmeassureyou,Bella.Justthirst."

"Beg,"myhallucinationbegged."Please,"Igasped.

Laurent shookhishead,his facekind. "Lookat it thisway,Bella.You'reveryluckyIwastheonetofindyou.""Am I?" I mouthed, faltering another step back. Laurent followed, lithe andgraceful.

"Yes,"heassuredme."I'llbeveryquick.Youwon'tfeelathing,Ipromise.Oh,I'lllietoVictoriaaboutthatlater,naturally,justtoplacateher.Butifyouknewwhat she had planned for you, Bella…" He shook his head with a slowmovement,almostasifindisgust."Iswearyou'dbethankingmeforthis."

Istaredathiminhorror.Hesniffedatthebreezethatblewthreadsofmyhairinhisdirection."Mouthwatering,"herepeated,inhalingdeeply.

I tensed for thespring,myeyessquintingas Icringedaway,and thesoundofEdward'sfuriousroarechoeddistantlyinthebackofmyhead.Hisnameburstthrough all the walls I'd built to contain it. Edward, Edward, Edward. I wasgoingtodie.Itshouldn'tmatterifIthoughtofhimnow.Edward,Iloveyou.

Throughmynarrowedeyes,IwatchedasLaurentpausedintheactofinhalingandwhippedhisheadabruptlytotheleft.Iwasafraidtolookawayfromhim,tofollow his glance, though he hardly needed a distraction or any other trick tooverpowerme. Iwas tooamazed to feel reliefwhenhestartedslowlybackingawayfromme.

"Idon'tbelieveit,"hesaid,hisvoicesolowthatIbarelyheardit.

Ihadtolookthen.Myeyesscannedthemeadow,searchingfortheinterruptionthathadextendedmylifebyafewseconds.AtfirstIsawnothing,andmygazeflickeredbacktoLaurent.Hewasretreatingmorequicklynow,hiseyesboringintotheforest.

ThenIsawit;ahugeblackshapeeasedoutofthetrees,quietasashadow,andstalkeddeliberatelytowardthevampire.Itwasenormous–astallasahorse,butthicker, much more muscular. The long muzzle grimaced, revealing a line ofdagger-likeincisors.Agrislysnarlrolledoutfrombetweentheteeth,rumblingacrosstheclearinglikeaprolongedcrackofthunder.

Thebear.Only,itwasn'tabearatall.Still,thisgiganticblackmonsterhadtobethecreaturecausingallthealarm.Fromadistance,anyonewouldassumeitwasabear.Whatelsecouldbesovast,sopowerfullybuilt?

IwishedIwereluckyenoughtoseeitfromadistance.Instead,itpaddedsilentlythroughthegrassameretenfeetfromwhereIstood."Don'tmoveaninch,"Edward'svoicewhispered.

Istaredatthemonstrouscreature,mymindbogglingasItriedtoputanametoit.Therewasadistinctlycaninecasttotheshapeofit,thewayitmoved.Icouldonlythinkofonepossibility, lockedinhorrorasIwas.YetI'dnever imagined

thatawolfcouldgetsobig.

Anothergrowlrumbledinitsthroat,andIshudderedawayfromthesound.Laurentwasbackingtowardtheedgeofthetrees,and,underthefreezingterror,confusion swept throughme.Why was Laurent retreating? Granted, the wolfwasmonstrousinsize,butitwasjustananimal.Whatreasonwouldavampirehave for fearingananimal?AndLaurentwas afraid.His eyeswerewidewithhorror,justlikemine.

As if in answer to my question, suddenly the mammoth wolf was not alone.Flankingitoneitherside,another twogiganticbeastsprowledsilently intothemeadow.Onewasadeepgray,theotherbrown,neitheronequiteastallasthefirst. The graywolf came through the trees only a few feet fromme, its eyeslockedonLaurent.

BeforeIcouldevenreact,twomorewolvesfollowed,linedupinaV,likegeeseflyingsouth.Whichmeant that therustybrownmonster thatshruggedthroughthebrushlastwascloseenoughformetotouch.

I gave an involuntary gasp and jumped back–whichwas the stupidest thing Icouldhavedone.Ifrozeagain,waitingforthewolvestoturnonme,themuchweakeroftheavailableprey.IwishedbrieflythatLaurentwouldgetonwithitandcrushthewolfpack–itshouldbesosimpleforhim.Iguessedthat,betweenthetwochoicesbeforeme,beingeatenbywolveswasalmostcertainlytheworseoption.

Thewolf closest tome, the reddish brown one, turned its head slightly at thesoundofmygasp.The wolf's eyes were dark, nearly black. It gazed at me for a fraction of asecond,thedeepeyesseemingtoointelligentforawildanimal.

Asitstaredatme,IsuddenlythoughtofJacob–again,withgratitude.AtleastI'dcome here alone, to this fairytalemeadow filledwith darkmonsters. At leastJacobwasn'tgoingtodie,too.AtleastIwouldn'thavehisdeathonmyhands.

Thenanotherlowgrowlfromtheleadercausedtherussetwolftowhiphisheadaround,backtowardLaurent.

Laurentwasstaringatthepackofmonsterwolveswithunconcealedshockandfear.ThefirstIcouldunderstand.ButIwasstunnedwhen,withoutwarning,hespunanddisappearedintothetrees.

Heranaway.

Thewolveswereafterhim ina second, sprintingacross theopengrasswithafew powerful bounds, snarling and snapping so loudly thatmy hands flew upinstinctively tocovermyears.Thesoundfadedwithsurprisingswiftnessoncetheydisappearedintothewoods.

AndthenIwasaloneagain.My knees buckled under me, and I fell onto my hands, sobs building in mythroat.

I knew I needed to leave, and leave now.How longwould thewolves chaseLaurent before they doubled back for me? Or would Laurent turn on them?Wouldhebetheonethatcamelooking?

I couldn'tmove at first, though;my arms and legswere shaking, and I didn'tknowhowtogetbacktomyfeet.My mind couldn't move past the fear, the horror or the confusion. I didn'tunderstandwhatI'djustwitnessed.Avampireshouldnothaverunfromovergrowndogslikethat.Whatgoodwouldtheirteethbeagainsthisgraniteskin?

And the wolves should have given Laurent a wide berth. Even if theirextraordinary size had taught them to fear nothing, it stillmade no sense thattheywouldpursuehim.Idoubtedhisicymarbleskinwouldsmellanythinglikefood.Whywould they pass up somethingwarmblooded andweak likeme tochaseafterLaurent?

Icouldn'tmakeitaddup.Acoldbreezewhipped through themeadow,swaying thegrass likesomethingwasmovingthroughit.Iscrambledtomyfeet,backingawayeventhoughthewindbrushedharmlesslypastme.Stumblinginpanic,Iturnedandranheadlongintothetrees.Thenextfewhourswereagony.Ittookmethreetimesaslongtoescapethetreesasithadtogettothemeadow.

AtfirstIpaidnoattentiontowhereIwasheaded,focusedonlyonwhatIwasrunningfromBythetimeIcollectedmyselfenoughtorememberthecompass,Iwas deep in the unfamiliar and menacing forest. My hands were shaking soviolentlythatIhadtosetthecompassonthemuddygroundtobeabletoreadit.EveryfewminutesIwouldstoptoputthecompassdowrandcheckthatIwasstill heading northwest, hearing–when the sounds weren't hidden behind thefranticsquelchingofmyfootsteps–thequietwhisperofunseenthingsmovingintheleaves.

The call of a jaybirdmademe leap back and fall into a thick stand of youngspruce,scrapingupmyarmsandtanglingmyhairwithsap.Thesuddenrushofasquirrelupahemlockmademescreamsoloudithurtmyownears.

At last therewasabreak in the treesahead. Icameoutonto theemptyroadamileorsosouthofwhereI'dleftthetruck.ExhaustedasIwas,Ijoggedupthelane until I found it. By the time I pulledmyself into the cab, Iwas sobbingagain. I fiercelyshoveddownbothstiff locksbefore Idugmykeysoutofmypocket.Theroaroftheenginewascomfortingandsane.IthelpedmecontrolthetearsasIspedasfastasmytruckwouldallowtowardthemainhighway.

I was calmer, but still a mess when I got home. Charlie's cruiser was in thedriveway–Ihadn'trealizedhowlateitwas.Theskywasalreadydusky."Bella?"Charlie askedwhen I slammed the front door behindme and hastilyturnedthelocks."Yeah,it'sme."Myvoicewasunsteady."Wherehaveyoubeen?"hethundered,appearingthroughthekitchendoorwaywithanominousexpression.

Ihesitated.He'dprobablycalledtheStanleys.I'dbettersticktothetruth."Iwashiking,"Iadmitted.Hiseyesweretight."WhathappenedtogoingtoJessica's?""Ididn'tfeellikeCalculustoday."Charliefoldedhisarmsacrosshischest."IthoughtIaskedyoutostayoutoftheforest.""Yeah,Iknow.Don'tworry,Iwon'tdoitagain."Ishuddered.

Charlieseemedtoreally lookatmefor thefirst time.I rememberedthatIhadspentsometimeontheforestfloortoday;Imustbeamess."Whathappened?"Charliedemanded.Again,Idecidedthatthetruth,orpartofitanyway,wasthebestoption.IwastooshakentopretendthatI'dspentanuneventfuldaywiththefloraandfauna.

"Isawthebear."Itriedtosayitcalmly,butmyvoicewashighandshaky."It'snot a bear, though–it's some kind of wolf. And there are five of them.A bigblackone,andgray,andreddish-brown…"

Charlie'seyesgrewroundwithhorror.Hestrodequicklytomeandgrabbedthetopsofmyarms.

"Areyouokay?"Myheadbobbedinaweaknod."Tellmewhathappened."

"Theydidn'tpayanyattentiontome.Butaftettheyweregone,IranawayandI

felldownalot."Heletgoofmyshouldersandwrappedhisarmsaroundme.Foralongmoment,hedidn'tsayanything.

"Wolves,"hemurmured."What?""Therangerssaidthetrackswerewrongforabear–butwolves justdon'tget thatbig…""Thesewerehuge.""Howmanydidyousayyousaw?""Five."

Charlie shookhishead, frowningwithanxiety,He finally spoke ina tone thatallowednoargument."Nomorehiking.""Noproblem,"Ipromisedfervently.

CharliecalledthestationtoreportwhatI'dseen.IfudgedalittlebitaboutwhereexactlyI'dseenthewolves–claimingI'dbeenonthetrailthatledtothenorth.Ididn'twantmydadtoknowhowdeepI'dgoneintotheforestagainsthiswishes,and, more importantly, I didn't want anyone wandering near where Laurentmightbesearchingforme.Thethoughtofitmademefeelsick.

"Areyouhungry?"heaskedmewhenhehungupthephone.Ishookmyhead,thoughImusthavebeenstarving.Ihadn'teatenallday."Justtired,"Itoldhim.Iturnedforthestairs.

"Hey,"Charliesaid,hisvoicesuddenlysuspiciousagain."Didn'tyousayJacobwasgonefortheday?"

"That'swhatBillysaid,"Itoldhim,confusedbyhisquestion.Hestudiedmyexpressionforaminute,andseemedsatisfiedwithwhathesawthere."Huh."

"Why?"Idemanded.ItsoundedlikehewasimplyingthatI'dbeenlyingtohimthismorning.AboutsomethingbesidesstudyingwithJessica.

"Well,it'sjustthatwhenIwenttopickupHarry,IsawJacoboutinfrontofthestoredowntherewithsomeofhisfriends.Iwavedhi,buthe…well,IguessIdon't know if he sawme. I thinkmaybe hewas arguingwith his friends.Helookedstrange,likehewasupsetaboutsomething.And…different.It'slikeyoucanwatchthatkidgrowing!HegetsbiggereverytimeIseehim."

"Billy said Jake and his friends were going up to Port Angeles to see somemovies.Theywereprobablyjustwaitingforsomeonetomeetthem.""Oh."Charlienoddedandheadedforthekitchen.

Istoodinthehall,thinkingaboutJacobarguingwithhisfriends.Iwonderedifhe had confronted Embry about the situation with Sam. Maybe that was the

reasonhe'dditchedmetoday–ifitmeanthecouldsortthingsoutwithEmbry,Iwasgladhehad.

IpausedtocheckthelocksagainbeforeIwenttomyroom.Itwasasillythingtodo.Whatdifferencewoulda lockmake toanyof themonsters I'dseen thisafternoon? I assumed the handle alone would stymie the wolves, not havingopposablethumbs.AndifLaurentcamehere…

Or…Victoria. I lay downonmybed, but Iwas shaking toohard to hope forsleep.Icurledintoacrampedballundermyquilt,andfacedthehorrifyingfacts.TherewasnothingIcoulddo.TherewerenoprecautionsIcouldtake.TherewasnoplaceIcouldhide.Therewasnoonewhocouldhelpme.

Irealized,withanauseousrollofmystomach,thatthesituationwasworsethaneventhat.BecauseallthosefactsappliedtoCharlie,too.Myfather,sleepingoneroomawayfromme,wasjustahairsbreadthofftheheartofthetargetthatwascenteredonme.Myscentwouldleadthemhere,whetherIwashereornot.

Thetremorsrockedmeuntilmyteethchattered.

Tocalmmyself,Ifantasizedtheimpossible:IimaginedthebigwolvescatchinguptoLaurentinthewoodsandmassacringtheindestructibleimmortalthewaytheywouldanynormalperson.Despitetheabsurdityofsuchavision, theideacomfortedme.Ifthewolvesgothim,thenhecouldn'ttellVictoriaIwashereallalone.Ifhedidn'treturn,maybeshe'dthinktheCullenswerestillprotectingme.Ifonlythewolvescouldwinsuchafight…

Mygoodvampireswerenevercomingback;howsoothingitwastoimaginethattheotherkindcouldalsodisappear.

Isqueezedmyeyestighttogetherandwaitedforunconsciousness–almosteagerformynightmaretostart.Betterthatthanthepale,beautifulfacethatsmiledatmenowfrombehindmylids.

In my imagination, Victoria's eyes were black with thirst, bright withanticipation,andher lipscurledbackfromhergleaming teeth inpleasure.Herredhairwasbrilliantasfire;itblewchaoticallyaroundherwildface.

Laurent'swordsrepeatedinmyhead.Ifyouknewwhatshehadplannedforyou…Ipressedmyfistagainstmymouthtokeepfromscreaming.11.CULT

EACH TIME THAT I OPENED MY EYES TO THE MORNING light andrealizedI'dlivedthroughanothernightwasasurprisetome.Afterthesurprise

wore off,my heartwould start to race andmy palmswould sweat; I couldn'treallybreatheagainuntilI'dgottenupandascertainedthatCharliehadsurvivedaswell.

I could tell hewasworried–watchingme jumpat any loud sound, ormy facesuddenlygowhitefornoreasonthathecouldsee.Fromthequestionsheaskednowandthen,heseemedtoblamethechangeonJacob'scontinuedabsence.

Theterrorthatwasalwaysforemostinmythoughtsusuallydistractedmefromthefactthatanotherweekhadpassed,andJacobstillhadn'tcalledme.ButwhenIwasabletoconcentrateonmynormallife–ifmylifewasreallyevernormal–thisupsetme.

Imissedhimhorribly.

Ithadbeenbadenough tobealonebefore Iwas scared silly.Now,more thanever, Iyearnedforhiscarefree laughandhis infectiousgrin. Ineededthesafesanityofhishomemadegarageandhiswarmhandaroundmycoldfingers.

I'dhalfexpectedhimtocallonMonday.If therehadbeensomeprogresswithEmbry,wouldn'thewanttoreportit?Iwantedtobelievethatitwasworryforhisfriendthatwasoccupyingallhistime,notthathewasjustgivinguponme.

I called himTuesday, but no one answered.Were the phone lines still havingproblems?OrhadBillyinvestedincallerI.D.?OnWednesdayIcalledeveryhalfhouruntilafterelevenatnight,desperate tohearthewarmthofJacob'svoice.

ThursdayIsat inmytruckinfrontofmyhouse–with the lockspusheddown–keysinhand,forasolidhour.Iwasarguingwithmyself,tryingtojustifyaquicktriptoLaPush,butIcouldn'tdoit.

IknewthatLaurenthadgoneback toVictoriabynow.If Iwent toLaPush, Itookthechanceofleadingoneofthemthere.WhatiftheycaughtuptomewhenJakewasnearby?Asmuchasithurtme,IknewitwasbetterforJacobthathewasavoidingme.Saferforhim.

It was bad enough that I couldn't figure out a way to keep Charlie safe.Nighttimewas themost likely time that theywouldcome looking iorme,andwhatcouldIsaytogetCharlieoutofthehouse?IfItoldhimthetruth,he'dhaveme locked up in a rubber room somewhere. I would have endured that–welcomedit,even–ifitcouldhavekepthimsafe.ButVictoriawouldstillcometohishousefirst, lookingforme.Maybe, ifshefoundmehere, thatwouldbe

enoughforher.Maybeshewouldjust leavewhenshewasdonewithme.SoIcouldn'trunaway.EvenifIcould,wherewouldIgo?ToRenee?Ishudderedatthethoughtofdraggingmylethalshadowsintomymother'ssafe,sunnyworld.Iwouldneverendangerherthatway.

The worry was eating a hole in my stomach. Soon I would have matchingpunctures.

That night, Charlie didme another favor and calledHarry again to see if theBlacks were out of town. Harry reported that Billy had attended the councilmeetingWednesdaynight,andnevermentionedanythingaboutleaving.Charliewarned me not to make a nuisance of myself–Jacob would call when he gotaroundtoit.

Fridayafternoon,asIdrovehomefromschool,ithitmeoutoftheblue.

I wasn't paying attention to the familiar road, letting the sound of the enginedeaden my brain and silence the worries, when my subconscious delivered averdictitmusthavebeenworkingonforsometimewithoutmyknowledge.

AssoonasI thoughtofit,Ifeltreallystupidfornotseeingitsooner.Sure.I'dhad a lot on my mind–revenue-obsessed vampires, giant mutant wolves, araggedhole in thecenterofmychest–butwhenI laid theevidenceout, itwasembarrassinglyobvious.

Jacobavoidingme.Charliesayinghe lookedstrange,upset. . . .Billy'svague,unhelpfulanswers.Holycrow,IknewexactlywhatwasgoingonwithJacob.

ItwasSamUley.Evenmynightmareshadbeentryingtotellmethat.Samhadgotten to Jacob.Whateverwashappening to theotherboyson the reservationhadreachedoutandstolenmyfriend.He'dbeensuckedintoSam'scult.

Hehadn'tgivenuponmeatall,Irealizedwitharushoffeeling.Iletmytruckidleinfrontofmyhouse.WhatshouldIdo?Iweighedthedangersagainsteachother.IfIwentlookingforJacob,IriskedthechanceofVictoriaorLaurentfindingmewith him. If I didn't go after him, Sam would pull him deeper into hisfrightening,compulsorygang.MaybeitwouldbetoolateifIdidn'tactsoon.

Ithadbeenaweek,andnovampireshadcome formeyet.Aweekwasmorethanenough time for them tohave returned, so Imustnotbe apriority.Mostlikely,as I'ddecidedbefore, theywouldcomeformeatnight.Thechancesof

themfollowingmetoLaPushweremuchlowerthanthechanceoflosingJacobtoSam.

Itwasworththedangerofthesecludedforestroad.Thiswasnoidlevisittoseewhatwasgoingon.Iknewwhatwasgoingon.Thiswasarescuemission.Iwasgoing to talk to Jacob–kidnap him if I had to. I'd once seen a PBS show ondeprogrammingthebrainwashed.Therehadtobesomekindofcure.

IdecidedI'dbettercallCharliefirst.MaybewhateverwasgoingondowninLaPushwassomethingthepoliceshouldbeinvolvedin.Idashedinside,inahurrytobeonmyway.

Charlie answered the phone it the station himself. "Chief Swan." "Dad, it'sBella." "What's wrong?'" I couldn't argue with his doomsday assumption thistime. My voice was shaking. "I'm worried about Jacob." "Why?" he asked,surprisedbytheunexpectedtopic.

"I think…I think somethingweird isgoingondownat the reservation. Jacobtoldmeabout some strange stuffhappeningwith theotherboyshis age.Nowhe'sactingthesamewayandI'mscared."

"Whatkindofstuff?"Heusedhisprofessional,policebusinessvoice.Thatwasgood;hewastakingmeseriously."Firsthewasscared,and thenhewasavoidingme,andnow…I'mafraidhe'spartofthatbizarregangdownthere,Sam'sgang.SamUley'sgang."

"SamUley?"Charlierepeated,surprisedagain."Yes."

Charlie's voice was more relaxed when he answered. "I think you've got itwrong,Bells.SamUleyisagreatkid.Well,he'samannow.Agoodson.YoushouldhearBilly talkabouthim.He's reallydoingwonderswith theyouthonthe reservation. He's the one who–" Charlie broke off mid-sentence, and IguessedthathehadbeenabouttomakeareferencetothenightI'dgottenlostinthewoods.Imovedonquickly.

"Dad,it'snotlikethat.Jacobwasscaredofhim.""DidyoutalktoBillyaboutthis?"Hewastryingtosoothemenow.I'dlosthimassoonasI'dmentionedSam.

"Billy'snotconcerned.""Well,Bella,thenI'msureit'sokay.Jacob'sakid;hewasprobablyjustmessingaround. I'msurehe's fine.Hecan't spendeverywakingminutewithyou,after

all.""Thisisn'taboutme,"I insisted,butthebattlewaslost."Idon't thinkyouneed toworryabout this.LetBilly takecareof Jacob." "Charlie…"Myvoicewasstartingtosoundwhiney.

"Bells,Igotalotonmyplaterightnow.Twotouristshavegonemissingoffatrailoutsidecrescentlake."Therewasananxiousedgetohisvoice."Thiswolfproblemisgettingoutofhand."

Iwasmomentarily distracted–stunned, really–by his news. Therewas nowaythewolvescouldhavesurvivedamatch-upwithLaurent…"Areyousurethat'swhathappenedtothem?"Iasked."Afraidso,honey.Therewas–"Hehesitated."Thereweretracksagain,and…somebloodthistime."

"Oh!"Itmustnothavecometoaconfrontation,then.Laurentmusthavesimplyoutrunthewolves,butwhy?WhatI'dseeninthemeadowjustgotstrangerandstranger–moreimpossibletounderstand.

"Look,Ireallyhavetogo.Don'tworryaboutJake,Bella.I'msureit'snothing.""Fine," I said curtly, frustrated as hiswords remindedme of themore urgentcrisisathand."Bye."Ihangup.

Istaredatthephoneforalongminute.Whatthehell,Idecided.Billyansweredaftertworings."Hello?"

"Hey, Billy," I almost growled. I tried to soundmore friendly as I continued."CanItalktoJacob,please?"

"Jake'snothere."Whatashock."Doyouknowwhereheis?""He'soutwithhisfriends."Billy'svoicewascareful.

"Ohyeah?AnyoneIknow?Quil?"Icouldtellthewordsdidn'tcomeacrossascasuallyasI'dmeantthemto.

"No,"Billysaidslowly."Idon'tthinkhe'swithQuiltoday."I knew better than to mention Sam's name. "Embry?" I asked. Billy seemedhappier toanswer thisone."Yeah,he'swithEmbry."Thatwasenoughforme.Embrywasoneof them. "Well, havehimcallmewhenhegets in, all right?""Sure,sure.Noproblem."Click."Seeyousoon,Billy,"Imutteredintothedeadphone.

IdrovetoLaPushdeterminedtowait.I'dsitoutfrontofhishouseallnightifIhadto.I'dmissschool.Theboywasgoingtohavetocomehomesometime,andwhenhedid,hewasgoingtohavetotalktome.

MymindwassopreoccupiedthatthetripI'dbeenterrifiedofmakingseemedto

takeonlyafewseconds.BeforeIwasexpectingit,theforestbegantothin,andIknewIwouldsoonbeabletoseethefirstlittlehousesofthereservation.

Walkingaway,alongtheleftsideoftheroad,wasatallboywithabaseballcap.

Mybreathcaughtforjustamomentinmythroat,hopefulthatluckwaswithmeforonce,andI'dsrumbledacrossJacobwithouthardlytrying.Butthisboywastoowide,andthehairwasshortunderthehat.Evenfrombehind,IwassureitwasQuil, though he looked bigger than the last time I'd seen him.Whatwaswith these Quileute boys? Were they feeding them experimental growthhormones?

Icrossedovertothewrongsideoftheroadtostopnexttohim.Helookedupwhentheroarofmytruckapproached.Quil'sexpressionfrightenedmemorethanitsurprisedme.Hisfacewasbleak,brooding,hisforeheadcreasedwithworry.

"Oh,hey,Bella,"hegreetedmedully."Hi,Quil…Areyouokay?"Hestaredatmemorosely."Fine.""CanIgiveyouaridesomewhere?"Ioffered.

"Sure, I guess," he mumbled. He shuffled around the front of the truck andopenedthepassengerdoortoclimbin.

"Whereto?""Myhouseisonthenorthside,backbehindthestore,"hetoldme.

"Have you seen Jacob today."The question burst fromme almost before he'dfinishedspeaking.IlookedatQuileagerly,waitingforhisanswer.Hestaredoutthewindshieldforasecondbeforehespoke."Fromadistance,"hefinallysaid."Adistance?"Iechoed.

"I tried to follow them–hewaswithEmbry."His voicewas low, hard to hearovertheengine.Ileanedcloser."Iknowtheysawme.Buttheyturnedandjustdisappeared into the trees. I don't think theywere alone–I think Sam and hiscrewmighthavebeenwiththem.

"I've been stumbling around in the forest for an hour, yelling for them. I justbarelyfoundtheroadagainwhenyoudroveup."

"SoSamdidgettohim."Thewordswerealittledistorted–myteethweregrittedtogether.Quilstaredatme."Youknowaboutthat.?"Inodded."Jaketoldme…

before." "Before,"Quil repeated,andsighed. "Jacob's justasbadas theothersnow?" "Never leaves Sam's side."Quil turned his head and spit out the openwindow."Andbeforethat–didheavoideveryone?Washeactingupset?"

Hisvoicewas lowand rough. "Not for as longas theothers.Maybeoneday.ThenSamcaughtupwithhim.""Whatdoyouthinkitis?Drugsorsomething?"

"Ican'tseeJacoborEmbrygettingintoanythinglikethat…butwhatdoIknow?What else could it be?Andwhyaren't theoldpeopleworried?"He shookhishead, and the fear showed in his eyes now. "Jacobdidn'twant to be a part ofthis…cult.Idon'tunderstandwhatcouldchangehim."Hestaredatme,hisfacefrightened."Idon'twanttobenext."

Myeyesmirroredhisfear.ThatwasthesecondtimeI'dhearditdescribedasacult.Ishivered."Areyourparentsanyhelp?"He grimaced. "Right.My grandfather's on the council with Jacob's dad. SamUleyisthebestthingthateverhappenedtothisplace,asfarashe'sconcerned."

Westaredateachotherforaprolongedmoment.WewereinLaPushnow,andmytruckwasbarelycrawlingalongtheemptyroad.Icouldseethevillage'sonlystorenottoofarahead.

"I'llgetoutnow,"Quilsaid."Myhouseisrightoverthere."Hegesturedtowardthesmallwoodenrectanglebehindthestore.Ipulledovertotheshoulder,andhejumpedout."I'mgoingtogowaitforJacob,"Itoldhiminahardvoice."Goodluck."Heslammedthedoorandshuffledforwardalongtheroad,hisheadbentforward,hisshouldersslumped.Quil's face hauntedme as Imade awideU-turn and headed back toward theBlacks'.Hewasterrifiedofbeingnext.Whatwashappeninghere?I stopped in front of Jacob's house, killing the motor and rolling down thewindows.Itwasstuffytoday,nobreeze.Iputmyfeetuponthedashboardandsettledintowait.

Amovementflashedinmyperipheralvision–IturnedandspottedBillylookingatmethroughthefrontwindowwithaconfusedexpression.Iwavedonceandsmiledatightsmile,butstayedwhereIwas.

Hiseyesnarrowed;heletthecurtainfallacrosstheglass.

Iwaspreparedtostayaslongasittook,butIwishedIhadsomethingtodo.Idug up a pen out of the bottom ofmy backpack, and an old test. I started todoodleonthebackofthescrap.

I'd only had time to scrawl one row of diamondswhen therewas a sharp tapagainstmy door. I jumped, looking up, expectingBilly. "What are you doinghere,Bella.'"Jacobgrowled.Istaredathiminblankastonishment.

JacobhadchangedradicallyinthelastweekssinceI'dseenhim.ThefirstthingInoticed was his hair–his beautiful hair was all gone, cropped quite short,covering his head with an inky gloss like black satin. The planes of his faceseemed tohavehardenedsubtly, tightened…aged.Hisneckandhis shouldersweredifferent,too,thickersomehow.Hishands,wheretheygrippedthewindowframe,lookedenormous,withthetendonsandveinsmoreprominentundertherussetskin.Butthephysicalchangeswereinsignificant.

It was his expression that made him almost completely unrecognizable. Theopen,friendlysmilewasgonelikethehair,thewarmthinhisdarkeyesalteredtoabroodingresentmentthatwasinstantlydisturbing.TherewasadarknessinJacobnow.Likemysunhadimploded.

"Jacob?"Iwhispered.Hejuststaredatme,hiseyestenseandangry.

I realizedweweren't alone.Behind him stood four others; all tall and russet-skinned, black hair chopped short just like Jacob's. They could have beenbrothers–Icouldn'tevenpickEmbryoutofthegroup.Theresemblancewasonlyintensifiedbythestrikinglysimilarhostilityineverypairofeyes.

Everypairbutone.Theoldestbyseveralyears,Samstoodintheveryback,hisface serene and sure. I had to swallow back the bile that rose inmy throat. Iwanted to take a swingathim.No, Iwanted todomore than that.More thananything, Iwanted to be fierce and deadly, someone no onewould daremesswith.SomeonewhowouldscareSamUleysilly.

Iwantedtobeavampire.

Theviolentdesirecaughtmeoffguardandknockedthewindoutofme.Itwasthemost forbidden of all wishes–evenwhen I only wished it for amaliciousreason like this, to gain an advantageover an enemy–because itwas themostpainful. That future was lost to me forever, had never really been within mygrasp. I scrambled togain controlofmyselfwhile thehole inmychest achedhollowly.

"Whatdoyouwant?"Jacobdemanded,hisexpressiongrowingmoreresentfulashewatchedtheplayofemotionacrossmyface."Iwant to talk toyou," I said inaweakvoice. I tried to focus,but Iwas stillreelingagainsttheescapeofmytaboodream.

"Goahead," hehissed throughhis teeth.His glarewasvicious. I'd never seenhimlookatanyonelikethat,leastofallme.Ithurtwithasurprisingintensity–aphysicalpain,astabbinginmyhead.

"Alone!"Ihissed,andmyvoicewasstronger.Helookedbehindhim,andIknewwherehiseyeswouldgo.EveryoneofthemwasturnedforSam'sreaction.

Sam nodded once, his face unperturbed. He made a brief comment in anunfamiliar, liquid language–I could only be positive that it wasn't French orSpanish,but Iguessed that itwasQuileute.He turnedandwalked intoJacob'shouse.Theothers,Paul,Jared,andEmbry,Iassumed,followedhimin.

"Okay."Jacobseemedabitlessfuriouswhentheothersweregone.Hisfacewasa little calmer, but alsomore hopeless.Hismouth seemed permanently pulleddownatthecorners.Itookadeepbreath."YouknowwhatIwanttoknow."Hedidn'tanswer.Hejuststaredatmebitterly.Istaredbackandthesilencestretchedon.Thepain inhisfaceunnervedme.Ifeltalumpbeginningtobuildinmythroat.

"Canwewalk?"IaskedwhileIcouldstillspeak.Hedidn'trespondinanyway;hisfacedidn'tchange.

Igotoutofthecar,feelingunseeneyesbehindthewindowsonme,andstartedwalking toward the trees to thenorth.Myfeetsquished in thedampgrassandmudbesidetheroad,and,asthatwastheonlysound,atfirstIthoughthewasn'tfollowing me. But when I glanced around, he was right beside me, his feethavingsomehowfoundalessnoisypaththanmine.

Ifeltbetterinthefringeoftrees,whereSamcouldn'tpossiblybewatching.Aswewalked, I struggled for the right thing to say, but nothing came. I just gotmoreandmoreangrythatJacobhadgottensuckedin…thatBillyhadallowedthis…thatSamwasabletostandtheresoassuredandcalm…

Jacob suddenly picked up the pace, striding ahead ofme easilywith his longlegs, and then swinging around to faceme, planting himself inmy path so Iwould have to stop too. Iwas distracted by the overt grace of hismovement.Jacobhadbeennearlyasklutzyasmewithhisnever-endinggrowthspurt.Whendidthatchanged?

ButJacobdidn'tgivemetimetothinkaboutit."Let'sgetthisoverwith,"hesaidinahard,huskyvoice.Iwaited.HeknewwhatIwanted.

"It'snotwhatyouthink."Hisvoicewasabruptlyweary."It'snotwhatIthought–Iwaswayoff.""Sowhatisit,then?"Hestudiedmyfaceforalongmoment,speculating.Theangernevercompletelylefthiseyes."Ican'ttellyou,"hefinallysaid.

My jaw tightened,and I spoke throughmy teeth. "I thoughtwewere friends.""Wewere."Therewasaslightemphasisonthepasttense.

"Butyoudon'tneed friendsanymore," I saidsourly."YouhaveSam. Isn't thatnice–you'vealwayslookeduptohimsomuch.""Ididn'tunderstandhimbefore.""Andnowyou'veseenthelight.Hallelujah.""Itwasn'tlikeIthoughtitwas.Thisisn'tSam'sfault.He'shelpingmeasmuchashe can." His voice turned brittle and he looked over my head, past me, rageburningoutfromhiseyes."He'shelpingyou,"Irepeateddubiously."Naturally."But Jacob didn't seem to be listening.Hewas taking deep, deliberate breaths,tryingtocalmhimself.Hewassomadthathishandswereshaking.

"Jacob, please," Iwhispered "Won't you tellmewhat happened?Maybe I canhelp.""Noonecanhelpmenow."Thewordswerealowmoan;hisvoicebroke.

"Whatdidhedotoyou?"Idemanded,tearscollectinginmyeyes.Ireachedouttohim,asIhadoncebefore,steppingforwardwithmyarmswide.Thistimehecringedaway,holdinghishandsupdefensively."Don'ttouchme,"hewhispered."IsSamcatching?"Imumbled.Thestupidtearshadescapedthecornersofmyeyes.Iwipedthemawaywiththebackofmyhand,andfoldedmyarmsacrossmychest."StopblamingSam."Thewordscameoutfast,likeareflex.Hishandsreacheduptotwistaroundthehairthatwasnolongerthere,andthenfell limplyathissides.

"ThenwhoshouldIblame?"Iretorted.Hehalfwaysmiled;itwasableak,twistedthing."Youdon'twanttohearthat.""ThehellIdon't!"Isnapped."Iwanttoknow,andIwanttoknownow.""You'rewrong,"hesnappedback.

"Don'tyoudare tellme I'mwrong–I'mnot theonewhogotbrainwashed!Tellmenowwhosefaultthisallis,ifit'snotyourpreciousSam!""Youaskedforit,"hegrowledatme,eyesglintinghard."Ifyouwanttoblame

someone,whydon'tyoupointyourfingerat thosefilthy,reekingbloodsuckersthatyoulovesomuch?"

Mymouth fell open andmy breath came outwith awhooshing sound. Iwasfrozeninplace,stabbedthroughwithhisdouble-edgedwords.Thepaintwistedinfamiliarpatternsthroughmybody,thejaggedholerippingmeopenfromtheinside out, but it was second place, background music to the chaos of mythoughts. I couldn'tbelieve that I'dheardhimcorrectly.Therewasno traceofindecisioninhisface.Onlyfury.

Mymouthstillhungwide."Itoldyouthatyoudidn'twanttohearit,"hesaid."Idon'tunderstandwhoyoumean,"Iwhispered.

Heraisedoneeyebrowindisbelief."IthinkyouunderstandexactlywhoImean.You'renotgoingtomakemesayit,areyou?Idon'tlikehurtingyou.""Idon'tunderstandwhoyoumean,"Irepeatedmechanically."TheCullens,"hesaid slowly,drawingout theword, scrutinizingmy faceashe spoke it. "I sawthat–IcanseeinyoureyeswhatitdoestoyouwhenIsaytheirname."

I shookmy head back and forth in denial, trying to clear it at the same time.Howdidheknowthis?AndhowdidithaveanythingtodowithSam'scult?Wasitagangofvampire-haters?Whatwasthepointofformingsuchasocietywhenno vampires lived in Forks anymore? Why would Jacob start believing thestoriesabouttheCullensnow,whentheevidenceofthemwaslonggone,nevertoreturn?

Ittookmetoolongtocomeupwiththecorrectresponse."Don'ttellmeyou'relistening toBilly's superstitiousnonsensenow," I saidwitha feebleattemptatmockery.

"HeknowsmorethanIgavehimcreditfor.""Beserious,Jacob."Heglaredatme,hiseyescritical.

"Superstitionsaside,"Isaidquickly."Istilldon'tseewhatyou'reaccusingthe...Cullens"–wince–"of.They leftmore thanhalfayearago.HowcanyoublamethemforwhatSamisdoingnow?"

"Sam isn't doing anything, Bella.And I know they're gone. But sometimes…thingsaresetinmotion,andthenit'stoolate."

"What'ssetinmotion?What'stoolate?Whatareyoublamingthemfor?"

Hewassuddenlyrightinmyface,hisfuryglowinginhiseyes."Forexisting,"hehissed.

I was surprised and distracted as the warning words came in Edward's voiceagain,whenIwasn'tevenscared."Quietnow,Bella.Don'tpushhim,"Edwardcautionedinmyear.

Ever since Edward's name had broken through the careful walls I'd buried itbehind, I'd been unable to lock it up again. It didn't hurt now–not during theprecioussecondswhenIcouldhearhisvoice.

Jacobwasfuminginfrontofme,quiveringwithanger.I didn't understand why the Edward delusion was unexpectedly in my mind.Jacobwaslivid,buthewasJacob.Therewasnoadrenaline,nodanger.

"Givehimachancetocalmdown,"Edward'svoiceinsisted.Ishookmyheadinconfusion."You'rebeingridiculous,"Itoldthemboth.

"Fine," Jacob answered, breathing deeply again. "Iwon't argue itwith you. Itdoesn'tmatteranyway,thedamageisdone."

"Whatdamage?"Hedidn'tflinchasIshoutedthewordsinhisface."Let'sheadback.There's nothingmore to say." I gaped. "There's everythingmore to say!You haven't said anything yet!"Hewalked pastme, striding back toward thehouse."IranintoQuiltoday,"Iyelledafterhim.Hepausedmidstep,butdidn'tturn. "You rememberyour friend,Quil?Yeah, he's terrified." Jacobwhirled tofaceme.Hisexpressionwaspained."Quil"wasallhesaid."He'sworriedaboutyou,too.He'sfreakedout."Jacobstaredpastmewithdesperateeyes.Igoadedhimfurther."He'sfrightenedthathe'snext."

Jacob clutched at a tree for support, his face turning a strange shade of greenunderthered-brownsurface."Hewon'tbenext,"Jacobmutteredtohimself."Hecan'tbe.It'sovernow.Thisshouldn'tstillbehappening.Why?Why?"Hisfistslammedagainstthetree.Itwasn'tabigtree,slenderandonlyafewfeettallerthan Jacob.But it still surprisedmewhen tht trunkgavewayand snappedoffloudlyunderhisblows.

Jacobstaredatthesharp,brokenpointwithshockthatquicklyturnedtohorror."Ihavetogetback."HewhirledandstalkedawaysoswiftlythatIhadtojogtokeepup."BacktoSam!""That'sonewayoflookingatit,"itsoundedlikehesaid.Hewasmumblingandfacingaway.Ichasedhimbacktothetruck."Wait!"Icalledasheturnedtowardthehouse.He spunaround to faceme, and I saw that hishandswere shaking

again."Gohome,Bella.Ican'thangoutwithyouanymore."

Thesilly,inconsequentialhurtwasincrediblypotent.Thetearswelledupagain."Areyou…breakingupwithme?"Thewordswereallwrong,buttheywerethebestwayIcould think tophrasewhat Iwasasking.Afterall,whatJakeandIhadwasmorethananyschoolyardromance.Stronger.

Hebarkedout a bitter laugh. "Hardly. If thatwere the case, I'd say 'Let's stayfriends.'Ican'tevensaythat."

"Jacob… why? Sam won't let you have other friends? Please, Jake. Youpromised. I need you!" The blank emptiness of my life before–before Jacobbrought some semblance of reason back into it–reared up and confrontedme.Lonelinesschokedinmythroat.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Jacob said each word distinctly in a cold voice that didn'tseemtobelongtohim.

Ididn'tbelievethatthiswasreallywhatJacobwantedtosay.Itseemedliketherewas something else trying to be said through his angry eyes, but I couldn'tunderstandthemessage.

Maybe this wasn't about Sam at all. Maybe this had nothing to do with theCullens.Maybe hewas just trying to pull himself out of a hopeless situation.MaybeIshouldlethimdothat,ifthat'swhatwasbestforhim.Ishoulddothat.Itwouldberight.

ButIheardmyvoiceescapinginawhisper.

"I'msorrythatIcouldn't…before…IwishIcouldchangehowIfeelaboutyou,Jacob."Iwasdesperate,reaching,stretchingthetruthsofarthatitcurvednearlyintotheshapeofalie."Maybe…maybeIwouldchange,"Iwhispered."Maybe,ifyougavemesometime…justdon'tquitonmenow,Jake.Ican'ttakeit."

Hisfacewentfromangertoagonyinasecond.Oneshakinghandreachedouttowardme."No.Don'tthinklikethat,Bella,please.Don'tblameyourself,don'tthinkthisisyourfault.Thisoneisallme.Iswear,it'snotaboutyou.""It'snotyou,it'sme,"Iwhispered."There'sanewone."

"Imean it,Bella. I'mnot…"he struggled, his voice going evenhuskier as hefoughttocontrolhisemotion.Hiseyesweretortured."I'mnotgoodenoughtobe your friend anymore, or anything else. I'm notwhat I was before. I'm notgood."

"What?" Istaredathim,confusedandappalled."Whatareyousaying?You're

muchbetterthanIam,Jake.Youaregood!Whotoldyouthatyouaren't?Sam?It'saviciouslie,Jacob!

Don'tlethimtellyouthat!"Iwassuddenlyyellingagain.Jacob'sfacewenthardandflat."Noonehadtotellmeanything.IknowwhatIam.""You'remyfriend,that'swhatyouare!Jake–don't!"Hewasbackingawayfromme.

"I'msorry,Bella,"hesaidagain; this time itwasabrokenmumble.He turnedandalmostranintothehouse.

IwasunabletomovefromwhereIstood.Istaredat thelittlehouse; it lookedtoo small to hold four large boys and two largermen. Therewas no reactioninside.Noflutterattheedgeofthecurtain,nosoundofvoicesormovement.Itfacedmevacantly.

The rain started to drizzle, stinging here and there againstmy skin. I couldn'ttakemyeyesoffthehouse.Jacobwouldcomeback.Hehadto.

Therainpickedup,andsodidthewind.Thedropswerenolongerfallingfromabove;theyslantedatananglefromthewest.Icouldsmellthebrinefromtheocean.Myhairwhipped inmyface, sticking to thewetplacesand tangling inmylashes.Iwaited.

Finallythedooropened,andItookastepforwardinrelief.Billyrolledhischairintothedoorframe.Icouldseenoonebehindhim."Charlie just called,Bella. I toldhimyouwereonyourwayhome."His eyeswerefullofpity.

Thepitymadeitfinalsomehow.Ididn'tcomment.Ijustturnedroboticallyandclimbedinmytruck.I'dleftthewindowsopenandtheseatswereslickandwet.Itdidn'tmatter.Iwasalreadysoaked.

Notasbad!Notasbad!mymindtriedtocomfortme.Itwastrue.Thiswasn'tasbad.Thiswasn'ttheendoftheworld,notagain.Thiswasjusttheendofwhatlittlepeacetherewasleftbehind.Thatwasall.

Notasbad,Iagreed,thenadded,butbadenough.

I'd thought Jake had been healing the hole in me–or at least plugging it up,keepingitfromhurtingmesomuch.I'dbeenwrong.He'djustbeencarvingouthisownhole,sothatIwasnowriddledthroughlikeSwisscheese.IwonderedwhyIdidn'tcrumbleintopieces.

Charliewaswaitingontheporch.AsIrolled toastop,hewalkedout tomeetme."Billycalled.HesaidyougotinfightwithJake–saidyouwereprettyupset,"

heexplainedasheopenedmydoorforme.

Then he looked at my face. A kind of horrified recognition registered in hisexpression. I tried to feelmy face from the inside out, to knowwhat hewasseeing.Myfacefeltemptyandcold,andIrealizedwhatitwouldremindhimof.

"That'snotexactlyhowithappened,"Imuttered.Charlieputhisarmaroundmeandhelpedmeoutofthecar.Hedidn'tcommentonmysoddenclothes."Thenwhatdidhappen'"heaskedwhenwewere inside.Hepulled theafghanoff the back of the sofa as he spoke and wrapped it around my shoulders. IrealizedIwasshiveringstill.

My voice was lifeless. "Sam Uley says Jacob can't be my friend anymore."Charlieshotmeastrange look."Whotoldyouthat?""Jacob,"Istated, thoughthatwasn'texactlywhathe'dsaid.Itwasstilltrue.

Charlie's eyebrows pulled together. "You really think there's somethingwrongwiththeUleykid?""Iknow there is. Jacobwouldn't tellmewhat, though." I couldhear thewaterfrommyclothesdrippingtothefloorandsplashingonthelinoleum."I'mgoingtogochange."Charliewaslostinthought."Okay,"hesaidabsently.

IdecidedtotakeashowerbecauseIwassocold,butthehotwaterdidn'tseemtoaffectthetemperatureofmyskin.IwasstillfreezingwhenIgaveupandshutthe water off. In the sudden quiet, I could hear Charlie talking to someonedownstairs.Iwrappedatowelaroundme,andcrackedthebathroomdoor.

Charlie's voicewas angry. "I'mnot buying that. It doesn'tmake any sense." Itwasquietthen,andIrealizedhewasonthephone.Aminutepassed."Don'tyouputthisonBella!"Charliesuddenlyshouted.

Ijumped.Whenhespokeagain,hisvoicewascarefulandlower."Bella'smadeitveryclearallalongthatsheandJacobwerejustfriends…Well,ifthatwasit,thenwhy didn't you say so at first?No,Billy, I think she's right about this…BecauseIknowmydaughter,andifshesaysJacobwasscaredbefore–"Hewascutoffmid-sentence,andwhenheansweredhewasalmostshoutingagain.

"What do you mean I don't know my daughter as well as I think I do!" Helistenedforabriefsecond,andhisresponsewasalmosttoolowformetohear."IfyouthinkI'mgoingtoremindheraboutthat,thenyouhadbetterthinkagain.She's only just starting toget over it, andmostlybecauseof Jacob, I think. Ifwhatever Jacobhasgoingonwith thisSamcharacter sendsher back into thatdepression,thenJacobisgoingtohavetoanswertome.You'remyfriend,Billy,

butthisishurtingmyfamily."

TherewasanotherbreakforBillytorespond.

"You got that right–those boys set one toe out of line and I'm going to knowaboutit.We'llbekeepinganeyeonthesituation,youcanbesureofthat."HewasnolongerCharlie;hewasChiefSwannow.

"Fine.Yeah.Goodbye." The phone slammed into the cradle. I tiptoed quicklyacross thehall intomyroom.Charliewasmutteringangrily in thekitchen.SoBilly was going to blame me. I was leading Jacob on and he'd finally hadenough.

Itwasstrange,forI'dfearedthatmyself,butafterthelastthingJacobhadsaidthisafternoon,Ididn'tbelieveitanymore.Therewasmuchmoretothisthananunrequitedcrush,anditsurprisedmethatBillywouldstooptoclaimingthat.ItmademethinkthatwhateversecrettheywerekeepingwasbiggerthanI'dbeenimagining.AtleastCharliewasonmysidenow.

I put my pajamas on and crawled into bed. Life seemed dark enough at themoment chat I letmyself cheat. The hole–holes now–were already aching, sowhynot?Ipulledoutthememory–norarealmemorythatwouldhurttoomuch,butthefalsememoryofEdward'svoiceinmymindthisafternoon–andplayeditoverandoverinmyheaduntilIfellasleepwiththetearsstillstreamingcalmlydownmyemptyface.

Itwasanewdreamtonight.RainwasfallingandJacobwaswalkingsoundlesslybesideme,thoughbeneathmyfeetthegroundcrunchedlikedrygravel.Buthewasn'tmyJacob;hewasthenew,bitter,gracefulJacob.Thesmoothsupplenessofhiswalkremindedmeofsomeoneelse,and,asIwatched,hisfeaturesstartedtochange.Therussetcolorofhisskinleachedaway,leavinghisfacepalewhitelikebone.Hiseyesturnedgold,andthencrimson,andthenbacktogoldagain.Hisshornhairtwistedinthebreeze,turningbronzewherethewindtouchedit.Andhisfacebecamesobeautiful that itshatteredmyheart. I reachedforhim,but he took a step away, raising his hands like a shield. And then Edwardvanished.

Iwasn'tsure,whenIwokeinthedark,ifI'djustbeguncrying,orifmytearshadrunwhileIsleptandsimplycontinuednow.Istaredatmydarkceiling.Icouldfeelthatitwasthemiddleofthenight–Iwasstillhalf-asleep,maybemorethanhalf.Iclosedmyeyeswearilyandprayedforadreamlesssleep.

That's when I heard the noise that must have wakened me in the first place.

Something sharp scraped along the length ofmywindowwith a high-pitchedsqueal,likefingernailsagainsttheglass.

12.INTRUDERMY EYES FLEW WIDE OPEN WITH FRIGHT, THOUGH I WAS soexhausted and muddled that I was not yet positive whether I was awake orasleep.Somethingscratchedagainstmywindowagainwiththesamethin,high-pitchedsound.Confused and clumsywith sleep, I stumbledout ofmybed and to thewindow,blinkingthelingeringtearsfrommyeyesontheway.

Ahuge,darkshapewobblederraticallyon theothersideof theglass, lurchingtowardmelikeitwasgoingtosmashrightthrough.Istaggeredback,terrified,mythroatclosingaroundascream.

Victoria.She'dcomeforme.Iwasdead.NotCharlie,too!

I choked back the building scream. I would have to keep quiet through this.Somehow.IhadtokeepCharliefromcomingtoinvestigate…

Andthenafamiliar,huskyvoicecalledfromthedarkshape."Bella!"ithissed."Ouch!Damnit,openthewindow!OUCH!"

I needed two seconds to shake off the horror before I couldmove, but then Ihurried to thewindow and shoved the glass out of theway. The cloudsweredimlylitfrombehind,enoughformetomakesenseoftheshapes.

"Whatareyoudoing?"Igasped.

JacobwasclingingprecariouslytothetopofthesprucethatgrewinthemiddleofCharlie'slittlefrontyard.Hisweighthadbowedthetreetowardthehouseandhenowswung–hislegsdanglingtwentyfeetabovetheground–notayardawayfromme.Thethinbranchesatthetipofthetreescrapedagainstthesideofthehouseagainwithagratingsqueal.

"I'm trying to keep"–he huffed, shifting his weight as the treetop bouncedhim–"my promise!" I blinked my wet blurry eyes, suddenly sure that I wasdreaming."WhendidyoueverpromisetokillyourselffallingoutofCharlie'stree?"

Hesnorted,unamused,swinginghislegstoimprovehisbalance."Getoutofthe

way,"heordered."What?" He swung his legs again, backwards and forward, increasing hismomentum.Irealizedwhathewasttyingtodo."No,Jake!"But Iducked to theside,aecause itwas too late.Withagrunt,helaunchedhimselftowardmyopenwindow.

Anotherscreambuilt inmythroatasIwaitedforhimtofall tohisdeath–oratleastmaimhimselfagainst thewoodensiding.Tomyshock,heswungagilelyintomyroom,landingontheballsofhisfeetwithalowthud.

Webothlookedtothedoorautomatically,holdingourbreath,waitingtoseeifthe noise hadwokenCharlie.A shortmoment of silence passed, and thenweheardthemuffledsoundofCharlie'ssnore.

AwidegrinspreadslowlyacrossJacob'sface;heseemedextremelypleasedwithhimself.Itwasn'tthegrinthatIknewandloved–itwasanewgrin,onethatwasabittermockeryofhisoldsincerity,onthenewfacethatbelongedtoSam.

Thatwasabitmuchforme.

I'dcriedmyselftosleepoverthisboy.Hisharshrejectionhadpunchedapainfulnewhole inwhatwas leftofmychest.He'd leftanewnightmarebehindhim,likeaninfectioninasore–theinsultaftertheinjury.Andnowhewashereinmyroom,smirkingatmeasifnoneofthathadpassed.Worsethanthat,eventhoughhisarrivalhadbeennoisyandawkward,itremindedmeofwhenEdwardusedtosneakinthroughmywindowatnight,andthereminderpickedviciouslyattheunhealedwounds.

Allofthis,coupledwiththefactthatIwasdog-tired,didnotputmeinafriendlymood."Getout!"Ihissed,puttingasmuchvenomintothewhisperasIcould.Heblinked,hisfacegoingblankwithsurprise."No,"heprotested."Icametoapologize.""Idon'taccept!"

I tried to shove him back out the window–after all, if this was a dream, itwouldn't really hurt him. Itwasuseless, though. I didn't budgehiman inch. Idroppedmyhandsquickly,andsteppedawayfromhim.

He wasn't wearing a shirt, though the air blowing in the window was coldenoughtomakemeshiver,anditmademeuncomfortabletohavemyhandsonhisbarechest.Hisskinwasburninghot,likehisheadhadbeenthelasttimeI'dtouchedhim.Likehewasstillsickwiththefever.

Hedidn'tlooksick.Helookedhuge.Heleanedoverme,sobigthatheblackedoutthewindow,tongue-tiedbymyfuriousreaction.

Suddenly, itwas justmore than I couldhandle–it felt as if all ofmy sleeplessnightswerecrashingdownonmeenmasse.IwassobrutallytiredthatIthoughtImight collapse right thereon the floor. I swayedunsteadily, and struggled tokeepmyeyesopen.

"Bella?"Jacobwhisperedanxiously.HecaughtmyelbowasIswayedagain,andsteeredmeback to thebed.My legsgaveoutwhen I reached the edge, and Iploppedintoalimpheaponthemattress.

"Hey,areyouokay?"Jacobasked,worrycreasinghisforehead.I looked up at him, the tears not yet dried onmy cheeks. "Why in theworldwouldIbeokay,Jacob?"

Anguishreplacedsomeofthebitternessinhisface."Right,"heagreed,andtookadeepbreath."Crap.Well…I–I'msosorry,Bella."Theapologywassincere,nodoubtaboutit,thoughtherewasstillanangrytwisttohisfeatures.

"Whydidyoucomehere?Idon'twantapologiesfromyou,Jake.""Iknow,"hewhispered."ButIcouldn'tleavethingsthewayIdidthisafternoon.Tharwashorrible.I'msorry."Ishookmyheadwearily."Idon'tunderstandanything."

"Iknow.Iwanttoexplain–"Hebrokeoffsuddenly,hismouthopen,almostlikesomething had cut off his air. Then he sucked in a deep breath. "But I can'texplain,"hesaid,stillangry."IwishIcould."

I letmy head fall intomy hands.My question came outmuffled bymy arm."Why?"

Hewasquietforamoment.Itwistedmyheadtotheside–tootiredtoholditup–toseehisexpression.Itsurprisedme.Hiseyesweresquinted,histeethclenched,hisforeheadwrinkledineffort.

"What'swrong?"Iasked.Heexhaledheavily,andIrealizedhe'dbeenholdinghisbreath,too."Ican'tdoit,"hemuttered,frustrated."Dowhat?"

He ignoredmyquestion. "Look,Bella, haven't you ever had a secret that youcouldn'ttellanyone?"

He lookedatmewithknowingeyes, andmy thoughts jumped immediately to

theCullens.Ihopedmyexpressiondidn'tlookguilty."SomethingyoufeltlikeyouhadtokeepfromCharlie,fromyourmom…?"hepressed."Somethingyouwon'teventalkaboutwithme?Notevennow?"Ifeltmyeyestighten.Ididn'tanswerhisquestion,thoughIknewhewouldtakethatasaconfirmation.

"Canyouunderstand that Imighthave thesamekindof…situation?"Hewasstrugglingagain,seemingtofightfortherightwords."Sometimes,loyaltygetsinthewayofwhatyouwanttodo.Sometimes,it'snotyoursecrettotell."

So, I couldn't arguewith that.Hewas exactly right–I had a secret thatwasn'tmine to tell, yet a secret I felt bound to protect. A secret that, suddenly, heseemed to know all about. I still didn't see how it applied to him, or Sam, orBilly.Whatwasittothem,nowthattheCullensweregone?"I don't knowwhy you came here, Jacob, if you were just going to givemeriddlesinsteadofanswers."

"I'msorry,"hewhispered."Thisissofrustrating."Welookedateachotherforalongmomentinthedarkroom,bothourfaceshopeless.

"Thepart thatkillsme,"he saidabruptly, "is thatyoualreadyknow. I alreadytoldyoneverything!""Whatareyoutalkingabout?"

Hesuckedinastartledbreath,andthenleanedtowardme,hisfaceshiftingfromhopelessness toblazing intensity in a second.He stared fiercely intomyeyes,and his voicewas fast and eager.He spoke thewords right intomy face; hisbreathwasashotashisskin.

"IthinkIseeawaytomakethisworkout–becauseyouknowthis,Bella!Ican'ttellyou,butifyouguessedit!Thatwouldletmerightoffthehook!"

"Youwantmetoguess?Guesswhat?""Mysecret!Youcandoit–youknowtheanswer!"Iblinked twice, trying toclearmyhead. Iwasso tired.Nothinghesaidmadesense.

He took in my blank expression, and then his face tensed with effort again."Holeon,letmeseeifIgiveyousomehelp,"hesaid.Whateverhewastryingtodo,itwassohardhewaspanting.

"Help?"Iasked, trying tokeepup.Mylidswanted toslipclosed,but I forcedthemopen."Yeah,"hesaid,breathinghard."Likeclues."

Hetookmyfaceinhisenormous,too-warmhandsandhelditjustafewinchesfrom his. He stared into my eyes while he whispered, as if to communicatesomethingbesidesthewordshespoke.

"Rememberthefirstdaywemet–onthebeachinLaPush?""OfcourseIdo.""Tellmeaboutit."Itookadeepbreathandtriedtoconcentrate."Youaskedaboutmytruck…"Henodded,urgingmeon."WetalkedabouttheRabbit…""Keepgoing."

"Wewentforawalkdownthebeach…"MycheeksweregrowingwarmunderhispalmsasIremembered,buthewouldn'tnotice,hotashisskinwas.I'daskedhimtowalkwithme,flirtingineptlybutsuccessfully,inordertopumphimforinformation.

Hewasnodding,anxiousformore.Myvoicewasnearlysoundless."Youtoldmescarystories…Quileutelegends."

Heclosedhiseyesandopenedthemagain."Yes."Thewordwastense,fervent,likehewasontheedgeofsomethingvital.Hespokeslowly,makingeachworddistinct."DoyourememberwhatIsaid?"

Eveninthedark,hemustbeabletoseethechangeinthecolorofmyface.HowcouldIeverforgetthat?Withoutrealizingwhathewasdoing,JacobhadtoldmeexactlywhatIneededtoknowthatday–thatEdwardwasavampire.

Helookedatmewitheyesthatknewtoomuch."Thinkhard,"hetoldme."Yes,Iremember,"Ibreathed.

He inhaled deeply, struggling. "Do you remember all the stor–" He couldn'tfinish the question. His mouth popped open like something had stuck in histhroat.

"Allthestories?"Iasked.Henoddedmutely.

Myheadchurned.Onlyonestoryreallymattered.Iknewhe'dbegunwithothers,but I couldn't remember the inconsequential prelude, especially not whilemybrainwassocloudedwithexhaustion.Istartedtoshakemyhead.

Jacobgroanedandjumpedoffthebed.Hepressedhisfistsagainsthisforeheadand breathed fast and angry. "You know this, you know this," hemuttered to

himself."Jake?Jake,please,I'mexhausted.I'mnogoodatthisrightnow.Maybeinthemorning…"

He took a steadying breath and nodded. "Maybe it will come back to you. Iguess I understand why you only remember the one story," he added in asarcastic, bitter tone. He plunked back onto themattress besideme. "Do youmind if I ask you a question about that?" he asked, still sarcastic. "I've beendyingroknow."

"Aquestionaboutwhat?"Iaskedwarily."AboutthevampirestoryItoldyou."I stared at him with guarded eyes, unable to answer. He asked his questionanyway.

"Didyouhonestlynotknow?"heaskedme,hisvoiceturninghusky."WasItheonewhotoldyouwhathewas?"How did he know this? Why did he decide to believe, why now? My teethclenchedtogether.Istaredbackathim,nointentionofspeaking.Hecouldseethat."SeewhatImeanaboutloyalty?"hemurmured,evenhuskiernow."It'sthesameforme,onlyworse.Youcan'timaginehowtightI'mbound…"

Ididn'tlikethat–didn'tlikethewayhiseyesclosedasifhewereinpainwhenhespokeofbeingbound.Morethandislike–IrealizedIhatedit,hatedanythingthatcausedhimpain.Hateditfiercely.

Sam'sfacefilledmymind.Forme, thiswasallessentiallyvoluntary.IprotectedtheCullens'secretoutoflove;unrequited,buttrue.ForJacob,itdidn'tseemtobethatway."Isn'tthereanywayforyoutogetfree?"Iwhispered,touchingtheroughedgeatthebackofhisshornhair.Hishandsbegantotremble,buthedidn'topenhiseyes."No.I'minthisforlife.Alifesentence."Ableaklaugh."Longer,maybe."

"No,Jake,"Imoaned."Whatifweranaway?Justyouandme.Whatifwelefthome,andleftSambehind?"

"It'snotsomethingIcanrunawayfrom,Bella,"hewhispered."Iwouldrunwithyou, though, if Icould."Hisshoulderswereshakingnow, too.He tookadeepbreath."Look,I'vegottoleave."

"Why?" "For one thing, you look likeyou're going to pass out at any second.Youneedyoursleep–Ineedyoufiringonallpistons.You'regoingtofigurethisout,youhaveto.""Andwhyelse?"Hefrowned."Ihadtosneakout–I'mnotsupposedtoseeyou.They've got to be wondering where I am." His mouth twisted. "I suppose Ishouldgoletthemknow."

"Youdon'thavetotellthemanything,"Ihissed."Allthesame,Iwill."Theangerflashedhotinsideme."Ihatethem!"

Jacoblookedatmewithwideeyes,surprised."No,Bella.Don'thate theguys.It's not Sam's or any of the others' faults. I told you before–it's me. Sam isactually…well, incredibly cool. Jared and Paul are great, too, though Paul iskind of… And Embry's always been my friend. Nothing's changed there–theonlythingthathasn'tchanged.IfeelreallybadabourthethingsIusedtothinkaboutSam…"

"Samwasincrediblycool."Iglaredathimindisbelief,butletitgo."Thenwhyaren'tyousupposedtoseeme?"Idemanded."It'snotsafe,"hemumbledlookingdown.Hiswordssentathrilloffearthroughme.

Didheknowthat,too?Nobodyknewthatbesidesme.Buthewasright–itwasthemiddleofthenight,theperfecttimeforhunting.Jacobshouldn'tbehereinmyroom.Ifsomeonecameforme,Ihad:obealone.

"IfIthoughtitwastoo…toorisky,"hewhispered,"Iwouldn'thavecome.ButBella,"helookedatmeagain,"Imadeyouapromise.Ihadnoideaitwouldbesohardtokeep,butthatdoesn'tmeanI'mnotgoingtotry."

Hesawtheincomprehensioninmyface."Afterthatstupidmovie,"heremindedme. "I promised you that I wouldn't ever hurt you… So I really blew it thisafternoon,didn'tI?"

"Iknowyoudidn'twanttodoit,Jake.It'sokay.""Thanks,Bella."He tookmyhand."I'mgoing todowhat Ican tobehere foryou, just likeIpromised."Hegrinnedatmesuddenly.Thegrinwasnotmine,

norSam's,butsomestrangecombinationofthetwo."Itwouldreallyhelpifyoucouldfigurethisoutonyourown,Bella.Putsomehonesteffortintoit."

Imadeaweakgrimace."I'lltry.""AndI'lltrytoseeyousoon."Hesighed."Andthey'lltrytotalkmeoutofthat.""Don'tlistentothem."

"I'lltry."Heshookhishead,asifhedoubtedhissuccess."Comeandtellmeassoonasyoufigureitout."Somethingoccurredtohimjustthen,somethingthatmadehishandsshake."Ifyou…ifyouwantto."

"Whywouldn'tIwanttoseeyou?"

His face turnedhard andbitter, onehundredpercent the face that belonged toSam."Oh,Icanthinkofareason,"hesaidinaharshtone."Look,Ireallyhavetogo.Couldyoudosomethingforme?"

I just nodded, frightened of the change in him. "At least callme–if you don'twant toseemeagain.Letmeknowif it's like that.""Thatwon'thappen–"Heraisedonehand,cuttingmeoff."Justletmeknow."Hestoodandheadedforthewindow.

"Don't be an idiot, Jake," I complained. "You'll break your leg.Use the door.Charlie'snotgoingtocatchyou."

"Iwon't get hurt," hemuttered, but he turned for the door.Hehesitated as hepassedme,staringatmewithanexpression likesomethingwasstabbinghim.Heheldonehandout,pleading.

I tookhis hand, and suddenlyhe yankedme–too roughly–right off the bed sothatIthuddedagainsthischest."Justincase,"hemutteredagainstmyhair,crushingmeinabearhugthataboutbrokemyribs."Can't–breathe!"Igasped.

Hedroppedmeatonce,keepingonehandatmywaistsoIdidn'tfallover.Hepushedme,moregentlythistime,backdownonthebed."Getsomesleep,Bells.You'vegottogetyourheadworking.Iknowyoucandothis.Ineedyou.tounderstand.Iwon'tloseyou,Bella.Notforthis."

He was to the door in one stride, opening it quietly, and then disappearingthroughit.Ilistenedforhimtohitthesqueakystepinthestairs,buttherewasnosound.

I laybackonmybed,myhead spinning. Iwas too confused, toowornout. Iclosed my eyes, trying to make sense of it, only to be swallowed up by

unconsciousnesssoswiftlythatitwasdisorienting.

Itwasnotthepeaceful,creamlesssleepI'dyearnedfor–ofcoursenot.Iwasintheforestagain,andIstartedtowanderthewayIalwaysdid.

Iquicklybecameawarethatthiswasnotthesamedreamasusual.Foronething,Ifeltnocompulsiontowanderortosearch;Iwasmerelywanderingoutofhabit,because thatwaswhatwas usually expected ofme here.Actually, thiswasn'teventhesameforest.Thesmellwasdifferent,andthelight,too.Itsmelled,notlikethedampearthofthewoods,butlikethebrineoftheocean.Icouldn'tseethe sky; still, it seemed like the sun must be shining–the leaves above werebrightjadegreen.

ThiswastheforestaroundLaPush–nearthebeachthere,Iwassureofit.Iknewthat if I found thebeach, Iwouldbeable tosee thesun,so Ihurried forward,followingthefaintsoundofwavesinthedistance.

And then Jacobwas there.He grabbedmy hand, pullingme back toward theblackestpartoftheforest.

"Jacob,what'swrong?"Iasked.Hisfacewasthefrightenedfaceofaboy,andhishairwasbeautifulagain,sweptbackintoaponytailonthenapeofhisneck.Heyankedwithallhisstrength,butIresisted;Ididn'twanttogointothedark.

"Run,Bella,youhavetorun!"hewhispered,terrified.Theabruptwaveofdejavuwassostrongitnearlywokemeup.

IknewwhyIrecognizedthisplacenow.ItwasbecauseI'dbeenherebefore,inanotherdream.Amillionyearsago,partofadifferentlifeentirely.ThiswasthedreamI'dhadthenightafterI'dwalkedwithJacobonthebeach,thefirstnightIknew that Edward was a vampire. Reliving that day with Jacob must havedredgedthisdreamoutofmyburiedmemories.

Detached from thedreamnow, Iwaited for it toplayout.A lightwascomingtowardmefromthebeach. In justamoment,Edwardwouldwalk through thetrees, his skin faintly glowing and his eyes black and dangerous. He wouldbeckontome,andsmile.Hewouldbebeautifulasanangel,andhisteethwouldbepointedandsharp…ButIwasgettingaheadofmyself.Somethingelsehadtohappenfirst.

Jacobdroppedmyhandandyelped.Shakingandtwitching,hefelltothegroundatmyfeet."Jacob!"Iscreamed,buthewasgone.Inhisplacewasanenormous,red-brownwolfwithdark,intelligenteyes.Thedreamveeredoffcourse,likea

trainjumpingthetracks.

ThiswasnotthesamewolfthatI'ddreamedofinanotherlife.ThiswasthegreatrussetwolfI'dstoodhalfafootfrominthemeadow,justaweekago.Thiswolfwasgigantic,monstrous,biggerthanabear.

This wolf stared intently at me, trying to convey something vital with hisintelligenteyes.Theblack-brown,familiareyesofJacobBlack.Iwokescreamingatthetopofmylungs.

IalmostexpectedCharlietocomecheckonmethistime.Thiswasn'tmyusualscreaming.Iburiedmyheadinmypillowandtriedtomufflethehystericsthatmy screams were building into. J pressed the cotton tight against my face,wonderingifIcouldn'talsosomehowsmothertheconnectionI'djustmade.

But Charlie didn't come in. and eventually I was able to strangle the strangescreechingcomingoutofmythroat.Iremembereditallnow–everywordthatJacobhadsaidtomethatdayonthebeach,even thepartbeforehegot to thevampires, the"coldones."Especiallythat first part. "Do you know any of our old stories, about where we camefrom–theQuileutes,Imean?"heasked."Notreally,"Iadmitted.

"Well,therearelotsoflegends,someofthemclaimingtodatebacktotheFlood–supposedly, the ancient Quileutes tied their canoes to the tops of the tallesttreesonthemountaintosurvive,likeNoahandtheark."Hesmiledthen,toshowme how little stock he put in the histories. "Another legend claims that wedescended fromwolves–and that thewolves are our brothers still. It's againsttriballawtokillthem.

"Thentherearethestoriesaboutthecoldones."Hisvoicedroppedalittlelower."Thecoldones?"

"Yes.There are stories of the cold ones as old as thewolf legends, and somemuchmorerecent.Accordingtolegend,myowngreat-grandfatherknewsomeofthem.Hewastheonewhomadethetreatythatkeptthemoffourland."Jacobrolledhiseyes."Yourgreat-grandfather?"

"Hewas a tribal elder, likemy father. You see, the cold ones are the naturalenemiesofthewolf–well,notthewolfreally,butthewolvesthatturnintomen,likeourancestors.Youwouldcallthemwerewolves."

"Werewolveshaveenemies?""Onlyone."

Therewassomethingstuckinmythroat,chokingme.Itriedtoswallowitdown,butitwaslodgedthere,un-moving.Itriedtospititout.

"Werewolf,"Igasped.Yes,thatwasthewordthatIwaschokingon.Thewholeworldlurched,tiltingthewrongwayonitsaxis.

Whatkindofaplacewasthis?Couldaworldreallyexistwhereancientlegendswent wandering around the borders of tiny, insignificant towns, facing downmythical monsters? Did this mean every impossible fairy tale was groundedsomewhere inabsolute truth?Was thereanythingsaneornormalatall,orwaseverythingjustmagicandghoststories?

Iclutchedmyheadinmyhands,tryingtokeepitfromexploding.Asmall,dryvoiceinthebackofmymindaskedmewhatthebigdealwas.Hadn'tIalreadyaccepted the existenceofvampires longago–andwithout all thehysterics thattime?Exactly,Iwantedtoscreambackatthevoice.Wasn'tonemythenoughforanyone,enoughforalifetime?

Besides, there'd never been one moment that I wasn't completely aware thatEdwardCullenwasaboveandbeyondtheordinary.Itwasn'tsuchasurprisetofindoutwhathewas–becausehesoobviouslywassomething.

ButJacob?Jacob,whowas justJacob,andnothingmore than that?Jacob,myfriend?Jacob,theonlyhumanI'deverbeenabletorelateto…

Andhewasn'tevenhuman.Ifoughttheurgetoscreamagain.Whatdidthissayaboutme?Iknewtheanswertothatone.Itsaidthattherewassomethingdeeplywrongwithme.Why

else would my life be filled with characters from horror movies? Why elsewouldIcaresomuchaboutthemthatitwouldtearbigchunksrightoutofmychestwhentheywentoffalongtheirmythicalways?

In my head, everything spun and shifted, rearranging so that things that hadmeantonethingbefore,nowmeantsomethingelse.Therewasnocult.Therehadneverbeenacult,neverbeenagang.No, itwasmuchworsethanthat.Itwasapack.Apackoffivemind-blowinglygigantic,multihuedwerewolvesthathadstalkedrightpastmeinEdward'smeadow…

Suddenly, Iwas ina frantichurry. Iglancedat theclock–itwasway tooearlyandIdidn'tcare.IhadtogotoLaPushnow.IhadtoseeJacobsohecouldtellmethatIhadn'tlostmymindaltogether.

I pulled on the first clean clothes I could find, not bothering to be sure theymatched,andtookthestairstwoatatime.IalmostranintoCharlieasIskiddedintothehallway,headedforthedoor.

"Whereareyougoing?"heasked,as surprised to seemeas Iwas to seehim."Doyouknowwhattimeitis?"

"Yeah.IhavetogoseeJacob.""IthoughtthethingwithSam–""Thatdoesn'tmatter,Ihavetotalktohimrightnow."

"It's pretty early."He frownedwhenmy expression didn't change. "Don't youwantbreakfast?"

"Nothungry."Thewordsflewthroughmylips.Hewasblockingmypathtotheexit. I considered ducking around him andmaking a run for it, but I knew Iwouldhavetoexplainthattohimlater."I'llbebacksoon,okay?"

Charliefrowned."StraighttoJacob'shouse,right?Nostopsontheway?""Of coursenot,wherewould I stop?"Mywordswere running together inmyhurry.

"I don't know," he admitted. "It's just… well, there's been another attack–thewolvesagain.Itwasrealclosetotheresortbythehotsprings–there'sawitnessthistime.Thevictimwasonlyadozenyardsfromtheroadwhenhedisappeared.Hiswifesawahugegraywolfjustafewminuteslater,whileshewassearchingforhim,andranforhelp."

MystomachdroppedlikeI'dhitacorkscrewonarollercoaster."Awolfattackedhim?" "There's no sign of him–just a little blood again." Charlie's face waspained. "The rangersaregoingout armed, takingarmedvolunteers.There're alotofhunterswhoare eager tobe involved–there's a rewardbeingoffered forwolfcarcasses.That'sgoing tomeana lotof firepowerout there in the forest,anditworriesme."Heshookhishead."Whenpeoplegettooexcited,accidentshappen…"

"They're going to shoot the wolves?" My voice shot through three octaves."What else canwe do?What'swrong?" he asked, his tense eyes studyingmyface. I felt faint; Imust bewhiter than usual. "You aren't turning into a tree-huggeronme,areyou?"

I couldn't answer. If he hadn't beenwatchingme, I would have putmy headbetween my knees. I'd forgotten about the missing hikers, the bloody paw

prints…Ihadn'tconnectedthosefactstomyfirstrealization.

"Look,honey,don't let thisscareyou.Just stay in townoron thehighway–nostops–okay?""Okay,"Irepeatedinaweakvoice."I'vegottogo."

Ilookedathimcloselyforthefirsttime,andsawthathehadhisgunstrappedtohiswaistandhikingbootson.

"Youaren't goingout there after thewolves, areyou,Dad?" "I'vegot tohelp,Bells.Peoplearedisappearing."Myvoiceshotupagain,almosthystericalnow."No!No,don'tgo.It'stoodangerous!"

"I'vegottodomyjob,kid.Don'tbesuchapessimist–I'llbefine."Heturnedforthedoor,andhelditopen."Youleaving?"Ihesitated,mystomachstillspinninginuncomfortableloops.WhatcouldIsaytostophim?Iwastoodizzytothinkofasolution.

"Bells?""Maybeit'stooearlytogotoLaPush,"Iwhispered."Iagree,"hesaid,andhesteppedoutintotherain,shuttingthedoorbehindhim.Assoonashewasoutofsight,Idroppedtothefloorandputmyheadbetweenmyknees.ShouldIgoafterCharlie?WhatwouldIsay?

AndwhataboutJacob?Jacobwasmybestfriend;Ineededtowarnhim.Ifhereally was a–I cringed and forced myself to think the word–werewolf (and Iknewitwastrue,Icouldfeelit),thenpeoplewouldbeshootingathim!Ineededtotellhimandhisfriendsthatpeoplewouldtrytokillthemiftheywentrunningaroundlikegiganticwolves.Ineededtotellthemtostop.

Theyhad to stop!Charliewas out there in thewoods.Would they care aboutthat?Iwondered…Upuntilnow,onlystrangershaddisappeared.Didthatmeananything,orwasitjustchance?

IneededtobelievethatJacob,atleast,wouldcareaboutthat.Eitherway,Ihadtowarnhim.Or…didI?

Jacobwasmybest friend,butwasheamonster, too?Arealone?Abadone?Should Iwarnhim, ifheandhis friendswere…weremurderers! If theywereoutslaughteringinnocenthikersincoldblood?Iftheyweretrulycreaturesfromahorrormovieineverysense,woulditbewrongtoprotectthem?

It was inevitable that I would have to compare Jacob and his friends to theCullens.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundmychest,fightingthehole,whileIthought

ofthem.

I didn't know anything about werewolves, clearly. I would have expectedsomethingclosertothemovies–bighairyhalf-mencreaturesorsomething–ifI'dexpectedanythingatall.SoIdidn'tknowwhatmadethemhunt,whetherhungerorthirstorjustadesiretokill.Itwashardtojudge,notknowingthat.

Butitcouldn'tbeworsethanwhattheCullensenduredintheirquesttobegood.I thought ofEsme–the tears startedwhen I pictured her kind, lovely face–andhow,asmotherlyandlovingasshewas,she'dhadtoholdhernose,allashamed,andrunfrommewhenIwasbleeding.Itcouldn'tbeharderthanthat.IthoughtofCarlisle,thecenturiesuponcenturiesthathehadstruggledtoteachhimselftoignoreblood, so thathe could save lives as adoctor.Nothingcouldbeharderthanthat.

Thewerewolveshadchosenadifferentpath.Now,whatshouldIchoose?13.KILLERIF IT WAS ANYONE BUT JACOB, I THOUGHT TOMYSELF, shaking myheadasIdrovedowntheforest-linedhighwaytoLaPush.Istillwasn'tsureifIwasdomgtherightthing,butI'dmadeacompromisewithmyself.

I couldn't condone what Jacob and his friends, his pack, were doing. Iunderstoodnowwhathe'dsaidlastnight–thatImightnotwanttoseehimagain–andIcouldhavecalledhimashe'dsuggested,butthatfeltcowardly.Iowedhimaface-to-faceconversation,at least. Iwouldtellhimtohisface thatIcouldn'tjust overlook what was going on. I couldn't be friends with a killer and saynothing,letthekillingcontinue…Thatwouldmakemeamonster,too.

But I couldn'tnotwarnhim, either. I had todowhat I could toprotecthim. IpulleduptotheBlacks'housewithmylipspressedtogetherintoahardline.Itwas bad enough that my best friend was a werewolf. Did he have to be amonster,too?Thehousewasdark,nolightsinthewindows,butIdidn'tcareifIwokethem.Myfistthuddedagainstthefrontdoorwithangryenergy;thesoundreverberatedthroughthewalls."Comein,"IheardBillycallafteraminute,andalightflickedon.

Itwistedtheknob;itwasunlocked.Billywasleaningaroundanopendoorwayjustoff the littlekitchen,abathrobearoundhis shoulders,not inhischairyet.When he sawwho it was, his eyes widened briefly, and then his face turnedstoic.

"Well,goodmorning,Bella.Whatareyoudoingupsoearly?""Hey,Billy.IneedtotalktoJake–whereishe?""Um…Idon'treallyknow,"helied,straight-faced."Do you knowwhat Charlie is doing thismorning?" I demanded, sick of thestalling."ShouldI?"

"Heandhalftheothermenintownarealloutinthewoodswithguns,huntinggiantwolves."

Billy'sexpressionflickered,andthenwentblank."SoI'dliketotalktoJakeaboutthat,ifyoudon'tmind,"Icontinued.

Billypursedhisthicklipsforalongmoment."I'dbethe'sstillasleep,"hefinallysaid, nodding toward the tiny hallway off the front room. "He's out late a lotthesedays.Kidneedshisrest–probablyyoushouldn'twakehim.""It's my turn," I muttered under my breath as I stalked to the hallway. Billysighed.

Jacob'stinyclosetofaroomwastheonlydoorintheyard-longhallway.Ididn'tbothertoknock.Ithrewthedooropen;itslammedagainstthewallwithabang.

Jacob–stillwearingjustthesameblackcut-offsweatshe'dwornlastnight–wasstretcheddiagonallyacrossthedoublebedthattookupallofhisroombutafewinchesaroundtheedges.Evenonaslant,itwasn'tlongenough;hisfeethungofftheoneendandhisheadofftheother.Hewasfastasleep,snoringlightlywithhismouthhangingopen.Thesoundofthedoorhadn'tevenmadehimtwitch.

Hisfacewaspeacefulwith(deepsleep,alltheangrylinessmoothedout.Therewere circles under his eyes that I hadn't noticedbefore.Despite his ridiculoussize,helookedveryyoungnow,andveryweary.Pityshookme.

I stepped back out, and shut the door quietly behind me. Billy stared withcurious,guardedeyesasIwalkedslowlybackintothefrontroom."IthinkI'lllethimgetsomerest."

Billynodded,andthenwegazedateachotherforaminute.Iwasdyingtoaskhimabouthispartinthis.

Whatdidhethinkofwhathissonhadbecome?ButIknewhowhe'dsupportedSam from theverybeginning, and so I supposed themurdersmust not botherhim.HowhejustifiedthattohimselfIcouldn'timagine.

I could seemany questions forme in his dark eyes, but he didn't voice themeither."Look,"Isaid,breakingtheloudsilence."I'llbedownatthebeachfora

while.Whenhewakesup,tellhimI'mwaitingforhim,okay?"

"Sure,sure,"Billyagreed.Iwonderedifhereallywould.Well,ifhedidn't,I'dtried,right?

IdrovedowntoFirstBeachandparkedintheemptydirtlot.Itwasstilldark–thegloomypredawnofacloudyday–andwhenIcut theheadlights itwashard tosee.IhadtoletmyeyesadjustbeforeIcouldfindthepaththatledthroughthetall hedge ofweeds. Itwas colder here,with thewindwhippingoff the blackwater,andIshovedmyhandsdeepintothepocketsofmywinterjacket.Atleasttherainhadstopped.

Ipaceddownthebeachtowardthenorthseawall.Icouldn'tseeSt.Jamesortheotherislands,justthevagueshapeofthewater'sedge.Ipickedmywaycarefullyacrosstherocks,watchingoutfordriftwoodthatmighttripme.I found what I was looking for before I realized I was looking for it. Itmaterializedout of thegloomwhen itwas just a few feet away: a longbone-white driftwood tree stranded deep on the rocks. The roots twisted up at theseaward end, like ahundredbrittle tentacles. I couldn't be sure that itwas thesametreewhereJacobandIhadhadourfirstconversation–aconversationthathadbegunsomanydifferent, tangledthreadsofmylife–butitseemedtobeinaboutthesameplaceIsatdownwhereI'dsatbefore,andstaredoutacrosstheinvisiblesea.

Seeing Jacob like that–innocent and vulnerable in sleep–had stolen all myrevulsion, dissolved allmy anger. I still couldn't turn a blind sye towhatwashappening,likeBillyseemedto,butIcouldn'tcondemnJacobforiteither.Lovedidn't work that way, I decided. Once you cared about a person, it wasimpossible tobelogicalabout themanymore.Jacobwasmyfriendwhetherhekilledpeopleornot.AndIdidn'tknowwhatIwasgoingtodoaboutthat.

When I pictured him sleeping so peacefully, I felt an overpowering urge toprotecthim.Completelyillogical.Illogicalornot,Ibroodedoverthememoryhispeacefulface,tryingtocomeupwithsomeanswer,somewaytoshelterhim,whiletheskyslowlyturnedgray."Hi,Bella."

Jacob's voice came from the darkness andmademe jump. Itwas soft, almostshy,butI'dbeenexpectingsomeforewarningfromthenoisyrocks,andsoitstillstartled me. I could see his silhouette against the coming sunrise–it lookedenormous.

"Jake?"He stood several paces away, shifting hisweight from foot to foot anxiously."Billytoldmeyoucameby–didn'ttakeyouverylong,didit?Iknewyoucouldfigureitout.""Yeah,Iremembertherightstorynow,"Iwhispered.

Itwasquietforalongmomentand,thoughitwasstilltoodarktoseewell,myskin prickled as if his eyes were searching my face. There must have beenenoughlight forhimtoreadmyexpression,becausewhenhespokeagain,hisvoicewassuddenlyacidic.

"Youcouldhavejustcalled,"hesaidharshly.Inodded."Iknow."

Jacobstartedpacingalongtherocks.IfIlistenedveryhard,Icouldjusthearthegentlebrushofhisfeetontherocksbehindthesoundofthewaves.Therockshadclatteredlikecastanetsforme."Whydidyoucome?"hedemanded,nothaltinghisangrystride.

"I thought it would be better face-to-face." He snorted. "Oh, much better.""Jacob,Ihavetowarnyou–""About therangersandthehunters?Don'tworryaboutit.Wealreadyknow."

"Don'tworryaboutit?"Idemandedindisbelief."Jake,they'vegotguns!They'resettingtrapsandofferingrewardsand–""Wecantakecareofourselves,"hegrowled,stillpacing."They'renotgoingtocatchanything.They'reonlymaking itmoredifficult–they'll startdisappearingsoonenough,too."

"Jake!"Ihissed."What?It'sjustafact."

Myvoicewaspalewith revulsion. "Howcanyou…feel thatway?Youknowthesepeople.Charlie'soutthere!"Thethoughtmademystomachtwist.Hecametoanabruptstop."Whatmorecanwedo?"heretorted.The sun turned the clouds a slivery pink above us. I could see his expressionnow;itwasangry,frustrated,betrayed."Couldyou…well,trytonotbea…werewolf?"Isuggestedinawhisper.He threwhishandsup in the air. "Like I have a choice about it!" he shouted."And how would that help anything, if you're worried about peopledisappearing?""Idon'tunderstandyou."Heglaredatme,hiseyesnarrowingandhismouth twisting intoasnarl. "YouknowwhatmakesmesomadIcouldjustspit?"

I flinched away from his hostile expression. He seemed to be waiting for ananswer,soIshookmyhead."You'resuchahypocrite,Bella–thereyousit,terrifiedofme!Howisthatfair?"Hishandsshookwithanger."Hypocrite?Howdoesbeingafraidofamonstermakemeahypocrite?""Ugh!"hegroaned,pressinghistremblingfiststohistemplesandsqueezinghiseyesshut."Wouldyoulistentoyourself?""What?"

Hetooktwostepstowardme,leaningovermeandglaringwithfury."Well,I'msosorrythatIcan'tbetherightkindofmonsterforyou,Bella.IguessI'mjustnotasgreatasabloodsucker,amI?"

Ijumpedtomyfeetandglaredback."No,you'renot!"Ishouted."It'snotwhatyouare,stupid,it'swhatyoudo!""What'sthatsupposedtomean?"Heroared,hisentireframequiveringwithrage.Iwas taken entirely by surprisewhenEdward's voice cautionedme. "Beverycareful,Bella,"hisvelvetvoicewarned. "Don't pushhim too far.Youneed tocalmhimdown."

Eventhevoiceinmyheadwasmakingnosensetoday.Ilistenedtohim,though.Iwoulddoanythingforthatvoice.

"Jacob,"Ipleaded,makingmytonesoftandeven."Isitreallynecessarytokillpeople,Jacob?Isn'ttheresomeotherway?Imean,ifvampirescanfindawaytosurvivewithoutmurderingpeople,couldn'tyougiveitatry,too?"

Hestraightenedupwithajerk,likemywordshadsentanelectricshockthroughhim.Hiseyebrowsshotupandhiseyesstaredwide.

"Killingpeople?"hedemanded."Whatdidyouthinkweweretalkingabout?"

Hewasn't trembling anymore.He looked atmewith half-hopeful disbelief."Ithoughtweweretalkingaboutyourdisgustforwerewolves."

"No,Jake,no.It'snot thatyou'rea…wolf.That'sfine,"Ipromisedhim,andIknewasIsaidthewordsthatImeantthem.Ireallydidn'tcareifheturnedintoabigwolf–hewasstillJacob."Ifyoucouldjustfindawaynottohurtpeople…that's all that upsetsme.These ate innocent people, Jake, people likeCharlie,andIcan'tjustlooktheotherwaywhileyou–"

"Isthatall?Really?"heinterruptedme,asmilebreakingacrosshisface."You'rejustscaredbecauseI'mamurderer?That'stheonlyreason?"

"Isn't that reason enough?" He started to laugh. "Jacob Black, this is so notfunny!" "Sure, sure," he agreed, still chortling. He took one long stride andcaughtmeinanothervice-tightbearhug.

"You really,honestlydon'tmind that Imorph into agiantdog?"he asked,hisvoicejoyfulinmyear.

"No," I gasped. "Can't–breathe–Jake!"He letmego, but tookbothmyhands."I'mnotakiller,Bella."Istudiedhisface,anditwasclearthatthiswasthetruth.Reliefpulsedthroughme."Really?"Iasked."Really,"hepromisedsolemnly.

I threw my arms around him. It reminded me of that first day with themotorcycles–hewasbigger,though,andIfeltevenmorelikeachildnow.

Like that other time, he strokedmy hair. "Sorry I called you a hypocrite," heapologized."SorryIcalledyouamurderer."Helaughed.

I thoughtofsomething then,andpulledawayfromhimso that Icouldseehisface.Myeyebrowsfurrowedinanxiety."WhataboutSam?Andtheothers?"He shook his head, smiling like a huge burden had been removed from hisshoulders."Ofcoursenot.Don'tyourememberwhatwecallourselves?"

The memory was clear–I'd just been thinking of that very day. "Protectors?""Exactly.""ButIdon'tunderstand.What'shappeninginthewoods?Themissinghikers,theblood?"

Hisfacewasserious,worriedatonce."We'retryingtodoourjob,Bella.We'retryingtoprotectthem,butwe'realwaysjustalittletoolate.""Protectthemfromwhat?Istherereallyabearoutthere,too?""Bella,honey,weonly protect people from one thing–our one enemy. It's the reason we exist–becausetheydo."I stared at him blankly for one second before I understood. Then the blooddrainedfrommyfaceandathin,wordlesscryofhorrorbrokethroughmylips.

Henodded."I thoughtyou,ofallpeople,wouldreali2ewhatwasreallygoingon.""Laurent," Iwhispered. "He's stillhere." Jacobblinked twice,andcockedhisheadtooneside."Who'sLaurent?"

ItriedtosortoutthechaosinmyheadsothatIcouldanswer."Youknow–yousawhiminthemeadow.Youwerethere…"Thewordscameoutinawonderingtoneasitallsunkin."Youwerethere,andyoukepthimfromkillingme…"

"Oh, the black-haired leech?" He grinned, a tight, fierce grin. "Was that hisname?" I shuddered. "Whatwere you thinking?" Iwhispered. "He could have

killedyou!Jake,youdon'trealizehowdangerous–"Anotherlaughinterruptedme"Bella,onelonevampireisn'tmuchofaproblemforapackasbigasours.Itwassoeasy,itwashardlyevenfun!""Whatwassoeasy?""Killing the bloodsucker who was going to kill you. Now, I don't count thattowards thewholemurder thing," he added quickly. "Vampires don't count aspeople."

Icouldonlymouththewords."You…killed…Laurent?"Henodded."Well,itwasagroupeffort,"hequalified."Laurentisdead?"Iwhispered.

Hisexpressionchanged."You'renotupsetaboutthat,areyou?Hewasgoingtokill you–he was going for the kill, Bella, we were sure of that before weattacked.Youknowthat,right?"

"Iknowthat.No,I'mnotupset–I'm…"Ihadtositdown.IstumbledbackastepuntilIfeltthedriftwoodagainstmycalves,andthensankdownontoit."Laurentisdead.He'snotcomingbackforme."

"You'renotmad?Hewasn'toneofyourfriendsoranything,washe?"

"My friend?" I stared up at him, confused and dizzy with relief. I startedbabbling,myeyesgettingmoist. "No, Jake. I'mso…sorelieved. I thoughthewasgoingtofindme–I'vebeenwaitingforhimeverynight,justhopingthathe'dstopwithmeandleaveCharliealone.I'vebeensofrightened,Jacob…Buthow?He was a vampire! How did you kill him? He was so strong, so hard, likemarble…"

Hesatdownnexttomeandputonebigarmaroundmecomfortingly."It'swhatwe'remadefor,Bells.We'restrong,too.Iwishyouwouldhavetoldmethatyouweresoafraid.Youdidn'tneedtobe."

"Youweren'taround,"Imumbled,lostinthought."Oh,right."

"Wait,Jake–I thoughtyouknew, though.Lastnight,yousaid itwasn'tsafeforyoutobeinmyroom.Ithoughtyouknewthatavampiremightbecoming.Isn'tthatwhatyouweretalkingabout?"

Helookedconfusedforaminute,andthenheduckedhishead."No, that'snotwhatImeant.""Thenwhydidn'tyouthinkitwassafeforyouthere?"Helookedatmewithguilt-riddeneyes."Ididn'tsayitwasn'tsafeforme.Iwas

thinkingofyou.""Whatdoyoumean?"

He looked down and kicked a rock. "There's more than one reason I'm notsupposed tobearoundyou,Bella. Iwasn't supposed to tellyouoursecret, foronething,buttheotherpart is that it'snotsafeforyou.IfIget toomad…tooupset…youmightgethurt."

Ithoughtaboutthatcarefully."Whenyouweremadbefore…whenIwasyellingatyou…andyouwereshaking…?"

"Yeah."Hisfacedroppedeven lower."Thatwasprettystupidofme. Ihave tokeepabetterholdonmyself.IsworeIwasn'tgoingtogetmad,nomatterwhatyousaidtome.But…IjustgotsoupserthatIwasgoingtoloseyou…thatyoucouldn'tdealwithwhatIam…"

"Whatwouldhappen…ifyougottoomad?"Iwhispered."I'dturnintoawolf,"hewhisperedback."Youdon'tneedafullmoon."

He rolled his eyes. "Hollywood's version doesn't get much right." Then hesighed,andwasseriousagain."Youdon'tneedtobesostressedout,Bells.We'regoing to takecareof this.Andwe'rekeepingaspecialeyeonCharlieand theothers–wewon'tletanythinghappentohim.Trustmeonthat."

Somethingvery,veryobvious,somethingIshouldhavegraspedatonce–butI'dbeensodistractedbytheideaofJacobandhisfriendsfightingwithLaurent,thatI'dcompletelymisseditatthetime–occurredtomeonlythen,whenJacobusedthepresenttenseagain.

We'regoingtotakecareofthis.

Itwasn't over. "Laurent is dead," I gasped, andmyentirebodywent ice cold."Bella?"Jacobaskedanxiously,touchingmyashencheek."IfLaurentdied…aweekago…thensomeoneelseiskillingpeoplenow."

Jacobnodded;his teethclenched together, andhe spoke through them. "Therewere twoof them.We thoughthismatewouldwant to fightus–inour stories,theyusuallygetprettypissedoffifyoukilltheirmate–butshejustkeepsrunningaway,andthencomingbackagain.Ifwecouldfigureoutwhatshewasafter,itwouldbeeasier to takeherdown.Butshemakesnosense.Shekeepsdancingaround the edges, like she's testing our defenses, looking for away in–but inwhere?Wheredoesshewant togo?Sam thinksshe's trying toseparateus, so

she'llhaveabetterchance…"

His voice faded until it sounded like it was coming through a long tunnel; Icouldn'tmakeouttheindividualwordsanymore.Myforeheaddewedwithsweatandmystomachrolled likeIhad thestomachfluagain.Exactly likeIhad theflu.

I turned away from him quickly, and leaned over the tree trunk. My bodyconvulsed with useless heaves, my empty stomach contracting with horrifiednausea,thoughtherewasnothinginittoexpel.

Victoriawashere.Lookingforme.Killingstrangers in thewoods.ThewoodswhereCharliewassearching…Myheadspunsickeningly.Jacob'shandscaughtmyshoulders–keptmefromslidingforwardontotherocks.Icouldfeelhishotbreathonmycheek."Bella!What'swrong?"

"Victoria," I gasped as soon as I could catch my breath around the nauseousspasms.Inmyhead,Edwardsnarledinfuryatthename.

IfeltJacobpullmeupfrommyslump.Hedrapedmeawkwardlyacrosshislap,layingmylimpheadagainsthisshoulder.Hestruggled tobalanceme, tokeepme from saggingover, onewayor theotherHebrushed the sweatyhair backfrommyface.

"Who?"Jacobasked."Canyouhearme,Bella?Bella?""Shewasn't Laurent'smate," Imoaned into his shoulder. "Theywere just oldfriends…" "Do you need some water? A doctor? Tell me what to do," hedemanded,frantic."I'mnotsick–I'mscared,"Iexplainedinawhisper.Thewordscareddidn'treallyseemtocoverit.

Jacobpattedmyback."ScaledofthisVictoria?"Inodded,shuddering."Victoriaisthered-hairedfemale?"Itrembledagain,andwhimpered,"Yes.""How do you know she wasn't his mate?" "Laurent told me James was hermate,"Iexplained,automaticallyflexingthehandwiththescar.Hepulledmyfacearound,holdingitsteadyinhisbighand.Hestaredintentlyintomyeyes."Didhe tellyouanythingelse,Bella?This is important.Doyouknow what she wants?" "Of course," I whispered. "She wantsme." His eyesflippedwide,thennarrowedintoslits."Why?"hedemanded.

"EdwardkilledJames,"Iwhispered.Jacobheldmesotightlythattherewasnoneedformetoclutchatthehole–hekeptmeinonepiece."Shedidget…pissedoff.ButLaurentsaidshethoughtitwasfairertokillmethanEdward.Matefor

mate. She didn't know–still doesn't know, I guess–that… that…" I swallowedhard."Thatthingsaren'tlikethatwithusanymore.NotforEdward,anyway."

Jacobwasdistractedbythat,hisfacetornbetweenseveraldifferentexpressions."Isthatwhathappened?WhytheCullensleft?""I'm nothing but a human, after all. Nothing special," I explained, shruggingweakly.Somethinglikeagrowl–notarealgrowl,justahumanapproximation–rumbled in Jacob's chest under my ear. "If that idiot bloodsucker is honestlystupidenough–"

"Please,"Imoaned."Please.Don't."Jacobhesitated,thennoddedonce.

"This is important," he said again, his face all business now. "This is exactlywhatweneededtoknow.We'vegottotelltheothersrightaway."Hestood,pullingme tomyfeet.Hekept twohandsonmywaistuntilhewassureIwasn'tgoingtofall.

"I'mokay,"Ilied.Hetradedhisholdonmywaistforoneofmyhands."Let'sgo."Hepulledmebacktowardthetruck."Wherearewegoing?"Iasked.

"I'm not sure yet," he admitted. "I'll call ameeting. Hey, wait here for just aminute,okay?"Heleanedmeagainstthesideofthetruckandreleasedmyhand."Where areyougoing?" "I'll be rightback,"hepromised.Thenhe turnedandsprinted through theparking lot,across theroad,and into theborderingforest.He flitted into the trees, swift and sleek as a deer. "Jacob!" I yelled after himhoarsely,buthewasalreadygone.

Itwasnotagoodtimetobeleftalone.SecondsafterJacobwasoutofsight,Iwashyperventilating.Idraggedmyselfintothecabofthetruck,andmashedthelocksdownatonce.Itdidn'tmakemefeelanybetter.

Victoriawasalreadyhuntingme.Itwasjustluckthatshehadn'tfoundmeyet–justluckandfiveteenagewerewolves.Iexhaledsharply.NomatterwhatJacobsaid, the thought of him coming anywhere close toVictoriawas horrifying. Ididn'tcarewhathecouldturnintowhenhegotmad.Icouldseeherinmyhead,herfacewild,herhairlikeflames,deadly,indestructible…

But,accordingtoJacob,Laurentwasgone.Wasthatreallypossible?Edward–Iclutched automatically atmy chest–had toldme how difficult it was to kill avampire.Only another vampire could do the job.Yet Jake said thiswaswhat

werewolvesweremadefor…

He said they were keeping a special eye on Charlie–that I should trust thewerewolves to keepmy father safe.How could I trust that?None of usweresafe!Jacobtheveryleastofall,ifhewastryingtoputhimselfbetweenVictoriaandCharlie…betweenVictoriaandme.

IfeltlikeImightbeabouttothrowupagain.Asharpraponthetruck'swindowmademeyelpinterror–butitwasjustJacob,backalready.Iunlockedthedoorwithtrembling,gratefulfingers.

"You're reallyscared,aren'tyou?"heaskedasheclimbed in. Inodded."Don'tbe.We'lltakecareofyou–andCharlie,too.Ipromise.""TheideaofyoufindingVictoria is scarier than the idea of her findingme," Iwhispered.He laughed."You'vegottohavealittlemoreconfidenceinusthanthat.It'sinsulting."Ijustshookmyhead. I'dseen toomanyvampires inaction."Wheredidyougo justnow?"Iasked.Hepursedhislips,andsaidnothing."What?Isitasecret?"Hefrowned."Notreally.It'skindofweird, though.Idon'twanttofreakyouout.""I'msortofusedtoweirdbythispoint,youknow."Itriedtosmilewithoutmuchsuccess.

Jacob grinned back easily. "Guess you'd have to be. Okay. See, when we'rewolves,wecan…heareachother."Myeyebrowspulleddowninconfusion.

"Not hear sounds," he went on, "but we can hear… thoughts–each other'sanyway–nomatterhowfarawayfromeachotherweare.Itreallyhelpswhenwehunt,butit'sabigpainotherwise.It'sembarrassing–havingnosecretslikethat.Freaky,eh?"

"Isthatwhatyoumeantlastnight,whenyousaidyouwouldtellthemyou'dseenme,eventhoughyoudidn'twantto?"

"You'requick.""Thanks.""You'realsoverygoodwithweird.Ithoughtthatwouldbotheryou."

"It'snot…well,you'renotthefirstpersonI'veknownwhocoulddothat.Soitdoesn'tseemsoweirdtome."

"Really?…Wait–areyoutalkingaboutyourbloodsuckers?""Iwishyouwouldn'tcallthemthat."Helaughed."Whatever.TheCullens,then?"

"Just…justEdward."Ipulledonearmsurreptitiouslyaroundmytorso.

Jacob lookedsurprised–unpleasantlyso."I thought thosewere juststories. I'veheardlegendsaboutvampireswhocoulddo…extrastuff,butIthoughtthatwasjustamyth.""Isanythingjustamythanymore?"Iaskedhimwryly.He scowled. "Guessnot.Okay,we'regoing tomeetSamand theothersat theplacewegotorideourbikes."

Istartedthetruckandheadedbackuptheroad."Sodidyoujustturnintoawolfnow,totalktoSam?"Iasked,curious.Jacob nodded, seeming embarrassed. "I kept it real short–I tried not to thinkaboutyouso

they wouldn't know what was going on. I was afraid Sam would tell me Icouldn'tbringyou.""Thatwouldn'thavestoppedme."Icouldn'tgetridofmyperceptionofSamasthebadguy.MyteethclenchedtogetherwheneverIheardhisname."Well, itwouldhavestoppedme," Jacobsaid,morosenow."RememberhowIcouldn't finishmysentences lastnight?HowIcouldn't just tellyou thewholestory?""Yeah.Youlookedlikeyouwerechokingonsomething."

Hechuckleddarkly."Closeenough.SamtoldmeIcouldn'ttellyou.He's…theheadofthepack,youknow.He'stheAlpha.Whenhetellsustodosomething,ornottodosomething–whenhereallymeansit,well,wecan'tjustignorehim."

"Weird,"Imuttered."Very,"heagreed."It'skindofawolfthing.""Huh"wasthebestresponseIcouldthinkof.

"Yeah, there's a load of stuff like that–wolf things. I'm still learning. I can'timaginewhat itwas like for Sam, trying to dealwith this alone. It sucks badenoughtogothroughitwithawholepackforsupport."

"Samwasalone?"

"Yeah."Jacob'svoicelowered."WhenI…changed,itwasthemost…horrible,themost terrifying thing I've ever been through–worse than anything I couldhave imagined. But I wasn't alone–there were the voices there, in my head,tellingmewhathadhappenedandwhatIhadtodo.Thatkeptmefromlosingmymind,Ithink.ButSam…"Heshookhishead."Samhadnohelp."

Thiswasgoingtotakesomeadjusting.WhenJacobexplaineditlikethat,itwashardnottofeelcompassionforSam.Ihadtokeepremindingmyselfthatthere

wasnoreasontohatehimanymore.

"WilltheybeangrythatI'mwithyou?"Iasked.Hemadeaface."Probably.""MaybeIshouldn't–"

"No,it'sokay,"heassuredme."Youknowatonofthingsthatcanhelpus.It'snot likeyou're just some ignoranthuman.You're likea…Idon'tknow,spyorsomething.You'vebeenbehindenemylines."

I frowned to myself. Was that what Jacob would want from me? Insiderinformationtohelpthemdestroytheirenemies?Iwasn'taspy,though.Ihadn'tbeencollectingthatkindofinformation.Already,hiswordsmademefeellikeatraitor.

ButIwantedhimtostopVictoria,didn'tI?No.

IdidwantVictoriatobestopped,preferablybeforeshetorturedmetodeathorranintoCharlieorkilledanotherstranger.Ijustdidn'twantJacobtobetheonetostopher,orrathertotry.Ididn'twantJacobwithinahundredmilesofher.

"Likethestuffaboutthemind-readingbloodsucker,"hecontinued,oblivioustomyreverie."That'sthekindofthingweneedtoknowabout.Thatreallysucksthat those storiesare true. Itmakeseverythingmorecomplicated.Hey,doyouthinkthisVictoriacandoanythingspecial?"

"Idon't thinkso," Ihesitated,and thensighed."Hewouldhavementioned it.""He?Oh,youmeanEdward–oops,sorry.Iforgot.Youdon'tliketosayhisname.Orhearit."

Isqueezedmymidsection,tryingtoignorethethrobbingaroundtheedgesofmychest."Notreally,no."

"Sorry.""Howdoyouknowmesowell,Jacob?Sometimesit'slikeyoucanreadmy mind." "Naw. I just pay attention."Wewere on the little dirt road whereJacobhad first taughtme to ride themotorcycle. "Thisgood?" I asked. "Sure,sure."Ipulledoverandcuttheengine."You'restillprettyunhappy,aren'tyou?"hemurmured.Inodded,staringunseeinglyintothegloomyforest."Didyoueverthink…thatmaybe…you'rebetteroff?"Iinhaledslowly,andthenletmybreathout."No.""'Causehewasn'tthebest–"

"Please, Jacob," I interrupted,begging inawhisper. "Couldwepleasenot talkaboutthis?Ican'tstandit.""Okay."He tookadeepbreath. "I'msorry I saidanything.""Don't feelbad. If

thingsweredifferent,itwouldbenicetofinallybeabletotalktosomeoneaboutit."Henodded."Yeah,Ihadahardtimekeepingasecretfromyoufortwoweeks.Itmustbehelltonotbeabletotalktoanyone."

"Hell,"Iagreed.Jacobsuckedinasharpbreath."They'rehere.Let'sgo.""Areyousure?"Iaskedwhilehepoppedhisdooropen."MaybeIshouldn'tbehere.""They'lldealwithit,"hesaid,andthenhegrinned."Who'safraidofthebig,badwolf?"

"Haha,"Isaid.ButIgotoutofthetruck,hurryingaroundthefrontendtostandclose beside Jacob. I remembered only too clearly the giant monsters in themeadow.Myhandswere trembling likeJacob'shadbeenbefore,butwith fearratherthanrage.

Jaketookmyhandandsqueezedit."Herewego."14.FAMILY

ICOWEREDINTOJACOB'SSIDE,MYEYESSCANNINGtheforestfortheotherwerewolves.Whentheyappeared,stridingoutfrombetweenthetrees,theyweren'twhat Iwas expecting. I'd gotten the image of thewolves stuck inmyhead.Thesewerejustfourreallybighalf-nakedboys.

Again, they reminded me of brothers, quadruplets. Something about the waytheymovedalmostinsynchronizationtostandacrosstheroadfromus,thewaytheyallhad thesame long, roundmusclesunder thesamered-brownskin, thesame cropped black hair, and theway their expressions altered at exactly thesamemoment.

They started out curious and cautious.When they saw me there, half-hiddenbesideJacob,theyallbecamefuriousinthesamesecond.

Samwas still the biggest, though Jacobwasgetting close to catchingupwithhim.Samdidn't really count as a boy.His facewas older–not in the sense oflinesorsignsofaging,butinthematunry,thepatienceofhisexpression.

"Whathaveyoudone,Jacob?"hedemanded.One of the others, one I didn't recognize–Jared or Paul–thrust past Sam andspokebeforeJacobcoulddefendhimself.

"Whycan'tyoujustfollowtherules,Jacob?"heyelled,throwinghisarmsintheair."Whatthehellareyouthinking?Isshemoreimportantthaneverything–thanthewholetribe?Thanthepeoplegettingkilled?"

"Shecanhelp,"Jacobsaidquietly."Help!"theangryboyshouted.Hisarmsbegintoquiver."Oh,that'slikely!I'msuretheleech-loverisjustdyingtohelpusout!"

"Don'ttalkaboutherlikethat!"Jacobshoutedback,stungbytheboy'scriticism.Ashudderrippledthroughtheotherboy,alonghisshouldersanddownhisspine."Paul!Relax!"Samcommanded.

Paulshookhisheadbackandforth,notindefiance,butasthoughheweretryingtoconcentrate."Jeez,Paul,"oneoftheotherboys–probablyJared–muttered."Getagrip."Paul twistedhishead toward Jared,his lips curlingback in irritation.Thenheshiftedhisglareinmydirection.Jacobtookasteptoputhimselfinfrontofme.That did it. "Right, protect her!" Paul roared in outrage. Another shudder, aconvulsion, heaved through his body. He threw his head back, a real growltearing from between his teeth. "Paul!" Sam and Jacob shouted together. Paulseemedtofall forward,vibratingviolently.Halfwayto theground, therewasaloudrippingnoise,andtheboyexploded.Darksilverfurblewoutfromtheboy,coalescing intoashapemore thanfive-timeshissize–amassive,crouchedshape,readytospring.The wolf's muzzle wrinkled back over his teeth, and another growl rolledthroughhiscolossalchest.Hisdark,enragedeyesfocusedonme.

Inthesamesecond,Jacobwasrunningacrosstheroadstraightforthemonster."Jacob!"Iscreamed.

Mid-stride, a long tremor shivered down Jacob's spine. He leaped forward,divingheadfirstintotheemptyair.

Withanothersharptearingsound,Jacobexploded,too.Heburstoutofhisskin–shredsofblackandwhiteclothblastedup into theair. Ithappened soquicklythatifI'dblinked,I'dhavemissedtheentiretransformation.OneseconditwasJacob diving into the air, and then it was the gigantic, russet brown wolf–soenormousthatIcouldn'tmakesenseofitsmasssomehowfittinginsideJacob–chargingthecrouchedsilverbeast.

Jacobmet theotherwerewolf's attackhead-on.Their angry snarls echoed likethunderoffthetrees.The black and white scraps–the remains of Jacob's clothes–fluttered to thegroundwherehe'ddisappeared."Jacob!"Iscreamedagain,staggeringforward.

"Staywhereyouare,Bella,"Samordered.Itwashardtohearhimovertheroarofthefightingwolves.Theyweresnappingandtearingateachother,theirsharpteeth flashing toward each other's throats. The Jacob-wolf seemed to have theupperhand–hewasvisiblybiggerthantheotherwolf,anditlookedlikelewasstronger, too.He rammed his shoulder against the graywolf again and again,knockinghimbacktowardthetrees.

"TakehertoEmily's,"Samshoutedtowardtheotherboys,whowerewatchingtheconflictwithraptexpressions.Jacobhadsuccessfullyshovedthegraywolfofftheroad,andtheyweredisappearingintotheforest,thoughthesoundoftheirsnarlswasstillloud.Samranafterthem,kickingoffhisshoesontheway.Ashedartedintothetrees,hewasquiveringfromheadtotoe.

Thegrowlingandsnappingwasfadingintothedistance.Suddenly,thesoundcutoffanditwasveryquietontheroad.

One of the boys started laughing. I turned to stare at him–mywide eyes feltfrozen,likeIcouldn'tevenblinkthem.

Theboyseemedtobelaughingatmyexpression."Well,there'ssomethingyoudon't seeeveryday,"he snickered.His facewasvaguely familiar–thinner thantheothers…EmbryCall.

"Ido,"theotherboy,Jared,grumbled."Everysingleday.""Aw,Paul doesn't lose his temper every day," Embry disagreed, still grinning."Maybetwooutofthree."Jaredstoppedtopicksomethingwhiteupofftheground.HeheldituptowardEmbry;itdangledinlimpstripsfromhishand."Totallyshredded,"Jaredsaid."Billysaidthiswasthelastpairhecouldafford–guessJacob'sgoingbarefootnow.""Thisonesurvived,"Embrysaid,holdingupawhitesneaker."Jakecanhop,"headdedwithalaugh.Jaredstartedcollectingvariouspiecesoffabricfromthedirt."GetSam'sshoes,willyou?Alltherestofthisisheadedforthetrash."

Embry grabbed the shoes and then jogged into the trees where Sam haddisappeared.Hewasback ina fewsecondswithapairofcut-off jeansdrapedoverhisarm.JaredgatheredthetornremnantsofJacob'sandPaul'sclothesandwaddedthemintoaball.Suddenly,heseemedtorememberme.

Helookedatmecarefully,assessing."Hey,you'renotgoingtofaintorpukeoranything?"hedemanded.

"Idon'tthinkso,"Igasped."Youdon'tlooksogood.Maybeyoushouldsitdown.""Okay,"Imumbled.Forthesecondtimeinonemorning,Iputmyheadbetweenmyknees."Jakeshouldhavewarnedus,"Embrycomplained."Heshouldn'thavebroughthisgirlfriendintothis.Whatdidheexpect?""Well,thewolf'soutofthebagnow."Embrysighed."Waytogo,Jake."

I raisedmyhead toglareat the twoboyswhoseemed tobe taking this all solightly."Aren'tyouworriedaboutthematall?"Idemanded.

Embryblinkedonceinsurprise"Worried?Why?""Theycouldhurteachother!"Embry and Jared guffawed. "Ihope Paul gets amouthful of him," Jared said."Teachhimalesson."Iblanched.

"Yeah, right!" Embry disagreed. "Did you see Jake? Even Sam couldn't havephasedontheflylikethat.HesawPaullosingit,andittookhim,what,halfasecondtoattack?Theboy'sgotagift."

"Paul'sbeenfightinglonger.I'llbetyoutenbucksheleavesamark.""You'reon.Jake'sanatural.Pauldoesn'thaveaprayer."Theyshookhands,grinning.

Itriedtocomfortmyselfwiththeirlackofconcern,butIcouldn'tdrivethebrutalimageofthefightingwerewolvesfrommyhead.Mystomachchurned,soreandempty,myheadachedwithworry.

"Let'sgoseeEmily.Youknowshe'llhavefoodwaiting."Embrylookeddownatme."Mindgivingusaride?""Noproblem,"Ichoked.Jaredraisedoneeyebrow."Maybeyou'dbetterdrive,Embry.Shestilllookslikeshemighthurl."

"Goodidea.Wherearethekeys?"Embryaskedme."Ignition."

Embryopenedthepassenger-sidedoor."Inyougo,"hesaidcheerfully,haulingme up from the ground with one hand and stuffing me into my seat. Heappraisedtheavailablespace."You'llhavetorideintheback,"hetoldJared.

"That'sfine.Igotaweakstomach.Idon'twanttobeintherewhensheblows.""Ibetshe'stougherthanthat.Sherunswithvampires.""Fivebucks?"Jaredasked."Done.Ifeelguilty,takingyourmoneylikethis."

Embrygot in and started the enginewhile Jared leapt agilely into thebed.Assoonashisdoorwasclosed,Embrymutteredtome,"Don'tthrowup,okay?I've

onlygotaten,andifPaulgothisteethintoJacob…"

"Okay," Iwhispered.Embry drove us back toward the village. "Hey, howdidJake get around the injunction anyway?" "The… what?" "Er, the order. Youknow,tonotspillthebeans.Howdidhetellyouaboutthis?"

"Oh, that," I said, remembering Jacob trying to choke out the truth tome lastnight."Hedidn't.Iguessedright."

Embry pursed his lips, looking surprised. "Hmm. S'pose that would work.""Wherearewegoing?"Iasked.

"Emily'shouse.She'sSam'sgirlfriend…no,fiancee,now,Iguess.They'llmeetusbackthereafterSamgivesittothemforwhatjusthappened.AndafterPaulandJakescroungeupsomenewclothes,ifPaulevenhasanyleft."

"DoesEmilyknowabout…?""Yeah.Andhey,don'tstareather.ThatbugsSam."Ifrownedathim."WhywouldIstare?"

Embry looked uncomfortable. "Like you saw just now, hanging out aroundwerewolveshas its risks."Hechanged thesubjectquickly."Hey,areyouokayaboutthewholethingwiththeblack-hairedbloodsuckerinthemeadow?Itdidn'tlooklikehewasafriendofyours,but.."Embryshrugged.

"No,hewasn'tmyfriend.""That'sgood.Wedidn'twanttostartanything,breakthetreaty,youknow."

"Oh, yeah, Jake told me about the treaty once, a long time ago.Why wouldkillingLaurentbreakthetreaty?"

"Laurent," he repeated, snorting, like he was amused the vampire had had aname."Well,weweretechnicallyonCullenturf.We'renotallowedtoattackanyofthem,theCullens,atleast,offourland–unlesstheybreakthetreatyfirst.Wedidn'tknowiftheblack-hairedonewasarelativeoftheirsorsomething.Lookedlikeyouknewhim."

"Howwould they go about breaking the treaty?" "If they bite a human. Jakewasn't sokeenon the ideaof letting itgo that far.""Oh.Um, thanks. I'mgladyoudidn'twait.""Ourpleasure."Hesoundedlikehemeantthatinaliteralsense.

Embrydrovepasttheeasternmosthouseonthehighwaybeforeturningoffontoanarrowdirtroad."Yourtruckisslow,"henoted."Sorry."

Attheendofthelanewasatinyhousethathadoncebeengray.Therewasonlyonenarrowwindowbesidetheweatheredbluedoor,butthewindowboxunderitwas filledwith bright orange and yellowmarigolds, giving thewhole place acheerfullook.

Embry opened the truck door and inhaled. "Mmm, Emily's cooking." Jaredjumpedoutofthebackofthetruckandheadedforthedoor,butEmbrystoppedhimwithonehandonhischest.Helookedatmemeaningfully,andclearedhisthroat.

"Idon'thavemywalletonme,"Jaredsaid."That'sokay.Iwon'tforget."

They climbed up the one step and entered the house without knocking. Ifollowedtimidlyafterthem.

The front room, likeBilly's house,wasmostly kitchen.A youngwomanwithsatinycopperskinandlong,straight,crow-blackhairwasstandingatthecounterbythesink,poppingbigmuffinsoutofatinandplacingthemonapaperplate.Foronesecond,IthoughtthereasonEmbryhadtoldmenottostarewasbecausethegirlwassobeautiful.

Andthensheasked"Youguyshungry?" inamelodicvoice,andshe turned tofaceusfullon,asmileonhalfofherface.

Therightsideofherfacewasscarredfromhairline tochinby three thick, redlines, livid in color though they were long healed. One line pulled down thecornerofherdark,almond-shapedrighteye,anothertwistedtherightsideofhermouthintoapermanentgrimace.

Thankful forEmbry'swarning, Iquickly turnedmyeyes to themuffins inherhands.Theysmelledwonderful–likefreshblueberries.

"Oh,"Emilysaid,surprised."Who'sthis?"Ilookedup,tryingtofocusonthelefthalfofherface.

"Bella Swan," Jared told her, shrugging. Apparently, I'd been a topic ofconversationbefore."Whoelse?""Leave it to Jacob to findawayaround,"Emilymurmured.She staredatme,andneitherhalfofheronce-beautifulfacewasfriendly."So,you'rethevampiregirl."Istiffened."Yes.Areyouthewolfgirl?"Shelaughed,asdidEmbryandJared.Thelefthalfofherfacewarmed."IguessIam."SheturnedtoJared."Where'sSam?"

"Bella,er,surprisedPaulthismorning."Emilyrolledhergoodeye."Ah,Paul,"shesighed."Doyouthinkthey'llbelong?Iwasjustabouttostarttheeggs.""Don't worry," Embry told her. "If they're late, we won't let anything go towaste." Emily chuckled, and then opened the refrigerator. "No doubt," sheagreed."Bella,areyouhungry?Goaheadandhelpyourselftoamuffin."

"Thanks."Itookonefromtheplateandstartednibblingaroundtheedges.Itwasdelicious,anditfeltgoodinmytenderstomach.Embrypickeduphisthirdandshoveditintohismouthwhole.

"Save some for your brothers," Emily chastised him, hitting him on the headwithawoodenspoon.Thewordsurprisedme,buttheothersthoughtnothingofit."Pig,"Jaredcommented.

Ileanedagainstthecounterandwatchedthethreeofthembanterlikeafamily.Emily's kitchen was a friendly place, bright with white cupboards and palewooden floorboards.On the little round table, a cracked blue-and-white chinapitcherwasoverflowingwithwildflowers.EmbryandJaredseemedentirelyateasehere.

Emilywasmixingahumongousbatchof eggs, severaldozen, in abigyellowbowl.Shehadthesleevesofherlavendershirtpushedup,andIcouldseethatthe scars extended all the way down her arm to the back of her right hand.Hangingoutwithwerewolvestrulydidhaveitsrisks,justasEmbryhadsaid.

Thefrontdooropened,andSamsteppedthrough.

"Emily,"hesaid,andsomuch lovesaturatedhisvoice that I feltembarrassed,intrusive,asIwatchedhimcrosstheroominonestrideandtakeherfaceinhiswidehands.Heleaneddownandkissedthedarkscarsonherrightcheekbeforehekissedherlips.

"Hey,noneofthat,"Jaredcomplained."I'meating.""Thenshutupandeat,"Samsuggested,kissingEmily'sruinedmouthagain."Ugh,"Embrygroaned.

Thiswasworsethananyromanticmovie;thiswassorealthatitsangoutloudwithjoyandlifeandtruelove.Iputmymuffindownandfoldedmyarmsacrossmyemptychest.Istaredattheflowers,tryingtoignoretheutterpeaceoftheirmoment,andthewretchedthrobbingofmywounds.

Iwasgrateful for thedistractionwhen JacobandPaul came through thedoor,

and then shockedwhen I saw that theywere laughing.While Iwatched, PaulpunchedJacobontheshoulderandJacobwentforakidneyjabinreturn.Theylaughedagain.Theybothappearedtobeinonepiece.

Jacobscannedtheroom,hiseyesstoppingwhenhefoundmeleaning,awkwardandoutofplace,againstthecounterinthefarcornerofthekitchen.

"Hey,Bells,"hegreetedmecheerfully.Hegrabbedtwomuffinsashepassedthetableandcametostandbesideme."Sorryaboutbefore,"hemutteredunderhisbreath."Howareyouholdingup.'"

"Don't worry, I'm okay. Good muffins." I picked mine back up and startednibbhrgagain.MychestfeltbetterassoonasJacobwasbesideme."Oh,man!"Jaredwailed,interruptingus.I looked up, and he and Embry were examining a fading pink line on Paul'sforearm.Embrywasgrinning,exultant.

"Fifteendollars,"hecrowed."Didyoudothat?"IwhisperedtoJacob,rememberingthebet."Ibarelytouchedhim.He'llbeperfectbysundown.""Bysundown?"IlookedatthelineonPaul'sarm.Odd,butitlookedweeksold."Wolfthing,"Jacobwhispered.Inodded,tryingtonotlookweirdedout."Youokay?"Iaskedhimundermybreath."Notascratchonme."Hisexpressionwassmug.

"Hey,guys,"Samsaid ina loudvoice, interruptingall theconversationsgoingoninthesmallroom.Emilywasatthestove,scrapingtheeggmixturearoundabig skillet, but Sam still had one hand touching the small of her back, anunconsciousgesture."Jacobhasinformationforus."

Paul looked unsurprised. Jacob must have explained this to him and Samalready.Or…they'djustheardhisthoughts."I knowwhat the redheadwants." Jacob directed hiswords toward Jared andEmbry. "That'swhat Iwas trying to tellyoubefore."Hekicked the legof thechairPaulhadsettledinto."And?"Jaredasked.Jacob's face got serious. "She is trying to avenge hermate–only it wasn't theblack-hairedleechwekilled.TheCullensgothermatelastyear,andshe'safterBellanow."

Thiswasn'tnewstome,butIstillshivered.Jared,Embry,andEmilystaredatmewithopen-mouthedsurprise.

"She'sjustagirl,"Embryprotested.

"Ididn'tsay itmadesense.But that'swhythebloodsucker'sbeen trying togetpastus.She'sbeenheadingforForks."Theycontinuedtostareatme,mouthsstillhangingopen,foralongmoment.Iduckedmyhead."Excellent," Jared finally said, a smile beginning to pull up the corners of hismouth."We'vegotbait."

Withstunningspeed,Jacobyankedacanopenerfromthecounterandlaunchedit at Jared's head. Jared's hand flicked up faster than I would have thoughtpossible,andhesnaggedthetooljustbeforeithithisface.

"Bellaisnotbait.""YouknowwhatImean,"Jaredsaid,unabashed.

"Sowe'llbechangingoarpatterns,"Samsaid,ignoringtheirsquabble."We'lltryleavingafewholes,andseeifshefallsforit.We'llhavetosplitup,andIdon'tlikethat.Butifshe'sreallyafterBella,sheprobablywon'ttrytotakeadvantageofourdividednumbers."

"Quit'sgottobeclosetojoiningus,"Embrymurmured."Thenwe'llbeabletosplitevenly."

Everyonelookeddown.IglancedatJacob'sface,anditwashopeless,likeithadbeen yesterday afternoon, outside his house.Nomatter how comfortable theyseemed to be with their fate, here in this happy kitchen, none of thesewerewolveswantedthesamefatefortheirfriend.

"Well,wewon'tcountonthat,"Samsaidinalowvoice,andthencontinuedathis regularvolume."Paul, Jared,andEmbrywill take theouterperimeter,andJacobandIwilltaketheinner.We'llcollapseinwhenwe'vegothertrapped."

I noticed that Emily didn't particularly like that Samwould be in the smallergrouping.HerworryhadmeglancingupatJacob,worrying,too.Samcaughtmyeye."Jacobthinksitwouldbebestifyouspentasmuchtimeaspossiblehere inLaPush.Shewon't knowwhere to findyou so easily, just incase.""WhataboutCharlie?"Idemanded."MarchMadnessisstillgoing,"Jacobsaid."IthinkBillyandHarrycanmanagetokeepCharliedownherewhenhe'snotatwork."

"Wait,"Samsaid,holdingonehandup.HisglanceflickeredtoEmilyandthen

back to me. "That's what Jacob thinks is best, but you need to decide foryourself.Youshouldweightherisksofbothoptionsveryseriously.Yousawthismorninghoweasilythingscangetdangeroushere,howquicklytheygetoutofhand. If you choose to stay with us, I can't make any guarantees about yoursafety."

"Iwon'thurther,"Jacobmumbled,lookingdown.Samactedasifhehadn'theardhimspeak."Iftherewassomewhereelseyoufeltsafe…"

I bit my lip. Where could I go that wouldn't put someone else in danger? Irecoiled again from the idea of bringing Renee into this–pulling her into thecircle of the target I wore… "I don't want to lead Victoria anywhere else," Iwhispered.

Samnodded."That'strue.It'sbettertohaveherhere,wherewecanendthis."

Iflinched.Ididn'twantJacoboranyoftherestofthemtryingtoendVictoria.IglancedatJake'sface;itwasrelaxed,almostthesameasIremembereditfrombefore the onset of the wolf thing, and utterly unconcerned by the idea ofhuntingvampires.

"You'llbecareful,right?"Iasked,anaudiblelumpinmythroat.

Theboysburst into loudhootsofamusement.Everyone laughedatme–exceptEmily.Shemetmyeyes,andIcouldsuddenlyseethesymmetryunderlyingherdeformity.Herfacewasstillbeautiful,andalivewithaconcernevenmorefiercethanmine.Ihadtolookaway,beforethelovebehindthatconcerncouldstartmeachingagain.

"Food'sready,"sheannouncedthen,andthestrategicconversationwashistory.Theguyshurriedtosurroundthetable–whichlookedtinyandindangerofbeingcrushed by them–and devoured the buffet-sized pan of eggs Emily placed intheir midst in record time. Emily ate leaning against the counter like me–avoidingthebedlamatthetable–andwatchedthemwithaffectionateeyes.Herexpressionclearlystatedthatthiswasherfamily.

Allinall,itwasn'texactlywhatI'dbeenexpectingfromapackofwerewolves.

IspentthedayinLaPush,themajorityofitinBilly'shouse.HeleftamessageonCharlie'sphoneandatthestation,andCharlieshoweduparounddinnertimewithtwopizzas.Itwasgoodhebroughttwolarges;Jacobateoneallbyhimself.

IsawCharlieeyeing the twoofussuspiciouslyallnight,especially themuch-

changedJacob.Heaskedaboutthehair;Jacobshruggedandtoldhimitwasjustmoreconvenient.

IknewthatassoonasCharlieandIwereheadedhome,Jacobwouldtakeoff–offtorunaroundasawolf,ashehaddoneintermittentlythroughtheentireday.Heand his brothers of sorts kept up a constant watch, looking for some sign ofVictoria's return. But since they'd chased her away from the hot springs lastnight–chased her halfway to Canada, according to Jacob–she'd yet to makeanotherforay.

Ihadnohopeatallthatshemightjustgiveup.Ididn'thavethatkindofluck.Jacobwalkedmetomytruckafterdinnerandlingeredbythewindow,waitingforCharlietodriveawayfirst."Don't be afraid tonight," Jacob said, while Charlie pretended to be havingtroublewithhisseatbelt."We'llbeoutthere,watching."

"Iwon'tworryaboutmyself,"Ipromised."You're silly.Huntingvampires is fun. It's thebestpartof thiswholemess." Ishookmyhead."IfI'msilly,thenyou'redangerouslyunbalanced."Hechuckled."Getsomerest,Bella,honey.Youlookexhausted.""I'lltry."Charliehonkedhishornimpatiently."Seeyoutomorrow,"Jacobsaid."Comedownfirstthing.""Iwill."

Charlie followedmehome. I paid scant attention to the lights inmy rearviewmirror.Instead,IwonderedwhereSamandJaredandEmbryandPaulwere,outrunninginthenight.IwonderedifJacobhadjoinedthemyet.Whenwegothome,Ihurriedforthestairs,butCharliewasrightbehindme.

"What'sgoingon,Bella?"hedemandedbeforeIcouldescape."IthoughtJacobwaspartofagangandyoutwowerefighting."

"Wemadeup.""Andthegang?"

"Idon'tknow–whocanunderstandteenageboys?They'reamystery.ButImetSamUley and his fiancee,Emily.The seemedpretty nice tome." I shrugged."Musthaveallbeenamisunderstanding."

Hisfacechanged."Ihadn'theardthatheandEmilyhadmadeitofficial.That'snice.Poorgirl.""Do you know what happened to her?" "Mauled by a bear, up north, duringsalmonspawningseason–horribleaccident Itwasmore thanayearagonow. I

heardSamwasreallymessedupoverit."

"That's horrible," I echoed. More than a year ago. I'd bet that meant it hadhappened when there was just one werewolf in La Push. I shuddered at thethoughtofhowSammusthavefelteverytimehelookedatEmily'sface.

Thatnight,Ilayawakeforalongtimetryingtosortthroughtheday.Iworkedmyway backward through dinnerwithBilly, Jacob, andC harlie, to the longafternoonintheBlacks'house,waitinganxiouslytohearsomethingfromJacob,toEmily'skitchen,tothehorrorofthewerewolffight,totalkingwithJacobonthebeach.

I thought about what Jacob had said early this morning, about hypocrisy. Ithoughtabout that fora long time. Ididn't like to think that Iwasahypocrite,onlywhatwasthepointoflyingtomyself?

Icurledintoatightball.No,Edwardwasn'takiller.Eveninhisdarkerpast,he'dneverbeenamurdererofinnocents,atleast.

Butwhat if hehad been?What if, during the time I that I'd knownhim, he'dbeenjustlikeanyothervampire?Whatifpeoplehadbeendisappearingfromthewoods,justlikenow?Wouldthathavekeptmeawayfromhim?

I shookmy head sadly. Love is irrational, I remindedmyself. Themore youlovedsomeone,thelesssenseanythingmade.

Irolledoverandtriedtothinkofsomethingelse–andIthoughtofJacobandhisbrothers, out running in the darkness. I fell asleep imagining the wolves,invisibleinthenight,guardingmefromdanger.WhenIdreamed,Istoodintheforestagain,butIdidn'twander.IwasholdingEmily'sscarredhandaswefacedintotheshadowsandwaitedanxiouslyforourwerewolvestocomehome.

15PRESSURE

IT WAS SPRING BREAK IN FORKS AGAIN. WHEN I WOKE UP onMonday morning, I lay in bed for a few seconds absorbing that. Last springbreak, I'd been hunted by a vampire, too. I hoped this wasn't some kind oftraditionforming.

Already I was falling into the pattern of things in La Push. I'd spent Sundaymostlyon thebeach,whileCharliehungoutwithBillyat theBlacks'house. IwassupposedtobewithJacob,butJacobhadotherthingstodo,soIwanderedalone,keepingthesecretfromCharlie.

WhenJacobdroppedintocheckonme,heapologizedforditchingmesomuch.

Hetoldmehisschedulewasn'talwaysthiscrazy,butuntilVictoriawasstopped,thewolveswereonredalert.

Whenwewalkedalongthebeachnow,healwaysheldmyhand.

This made me brood over what Jared had said, about Jacob involving his"girlfriend." I supposed that that was exactly what it looked like from theoutside.AslongasJakeandIknewhowitreallywas,Ishouldn'tletthosekindsof assumptions bother me. And maybe they wouldn't, if I hadn't known thatJacobwouldhave lovedfor things tobewhat theyappeared.Buthishandfeltniceasitwarmedmine,andIdidn'tprotest.

I worked Tuesday afternoon–Jacob followed me on his bike to make sure Iarrivedsafely–andMikenoticed."Are you dating that kid from La Push? The sophomore?" He asked, poorlydisguisingtheresentmentinhistone.Ishrugged."Notinthetechnicalsenseoftheword.IdospentmostofmytimewithJacob,though.He'smybestfriend."Mike'seyesnarrowedshrewdly."Don'tkidyourself,Bella.Theguy'sheadoverheelsforyou."

"Iknow,"Isighed."Lifeiscomplicated.""Andgirlsarecruel,"Mikesaidunderhisbreath.Isupposedthatwasaneasyassumptiontomake,too.

Thatnight,SamandEmily joinedCharlie andme fordessert atBilly'shouse.Emily brought a cake thatwould havewonover a harderman thanCharlie. Icould see, as the conversation flowed naturally through a range of casualsubjects,thatanyworriesCharliemighthaveharboredaboutgangsinLaPushwerebeingdissolved.

JakeandIskippedoutearly,togetsomeprivacy.Wewentouttohisgarageandsat in theRabbit. Jacob leanedhisheadback,his facedrawnwithexhaustion."Youneedsomesleep, Jake.""I'llgetaround to it."He reachedoverand tookmyhand.His skinwas blazing onmine. "Is that one of thosewolf things?" Iaskedhim."Theheat,Imean."

"Yeah.Werunalittlewarmerthanthenormalpeople.Aboutone-oh-eight,one-oh-nine. I never get cold anymore. I could stand like this"–he gestured to hisbaretorso–"inasnowstormanditwouldn'tbotherme.TheflakeswouldturntorainwhereIstood."

"Andyouallhealfast–that'sawolfthing,too?"

"Yeah,wanna see? It's pretty cool."His eyes flippedopenandhegrinned.Hereachedaroundmetotheglovecompartmentanddugaroundforaminute.Hishandcameoutwithapocketknife.

"No,Idonotwanttosee!"IshoutedassoonasIrealizedwhathewasthinking."Putthataway!"

Jacobchuckled,butshovedtheknifebackwhereitbelonged."Fine.It'sagoodthingweheal, though.Youcan'tgosee justanydoctorwhenyou're runningatemperaturethatshouldmeanyou'redead."

"No,Iguessnot."Ithoughtaboutthatforaminute."…Andbeingsobig–that'spartofit?Isthatwhyyou'reallworriedaboutQuil?"

"That and the fact thatQuil'sgrandfather says thekidcould fryaneggonhisforehead."Jacob'sfaceturnedhopeless."Itwon'tbelongnow.There'snoexactage…it justbuildsandbuildsand thensuddenly–"Hebrokeoff,and itwasamoment before he could speak again. "Sometimes, if you get really upset orsomething, that can trigger it early. But I wasn't upset about anything–I washappy." He laughed bitterly. "Because of you, mostly. That's why it didn'thappentomesooner.Insteaditjustkeptonbuildingupinsideme–Iwaslikeatimebomb.Youknowwhat setmeoff? I got back from thatmovie andBillysaidI lookedweird.Thatwasall,but I justsnapped.AndthenI–Iexploded. Ialmostrippedhisfaceoff–myownfather!"Heshuddered,andhisfacepaled.

"Isitreallybad,Jake?"Iaskedanxiously,wishingIhadsomewaytohelphim."Areyoumiserable?""No, I'm notmiserable," he toldme. "Not anymore. Not now that you know.Thatwashard,before."Heleanedoversothathischeekwasrestingontopofmyhead.

Hewasquietforamoment,andIwonderedwhathewasthinkingabout.MaybeI didn't want to know. "What's the hardest part?" I whispered, still wishing Icouldhelp.

"Thehardestpartisfeeling…outofcontrol,"hesaidslowly."FeelinglikeIcan'tbesureofmyself–likemaybeyoushouldn'tbearoundme, likemaybenobodyshould.LikeI'mamonsterwhomighthurtsomebody.You'veseenEmily.Samlostcontrolofhistemperforjustonesecond…andshewasstandingtooclose.Andnowthere'snothinghecaneverdotoputitrightagain.Ihearhisthoughts–Iknowwhatthatfeelslike…

"Whowantstobeanightmare,amonster?

"Andthen,thewayitcomessoeasilytome,thewayI'mbetteratitthantherestofthem–doesthatmakemeevenlesshumanthanEnbryorSam?SometimesI'mafraidthatI'mlosingmyself."

"Isithard?Tofindyourselfagain?""Atfirst,"hesaid."Ittakessomepracticetophasebackandforth.Butit'seasiertorme.""Why?"Iwondered.

"BecauseEphraimBlackwasmyfather'sgrandfather,andQuilAtearawasmymother'sgrandfather."

"Quil?"Iaskedinconfusion."His great-grandfather," Jacob clarified. "The Quil you know is my secondcousin.""Butwhydoesitmatterwhoyourgreat-grandfathersare?"

"BecauseEphraimandQuilwereinthelastpack.LeviUleywasthethird.It'sinmybloodonbothsides.Ineverhadachance.LikeQuildoesn'thaveachance."

Hisexpressionwasbleak."What'stheverybestpart?"Iasked,hopingtocheerhimup."Thebestpart,"hesaid,suddenlysmilingagain,"isthespeed.""Betterthanthemotorcycles?"Henodded,enthusiastic."There'snocomparison.""Howfastcanyou…?"

"Run?"he finishedmyquestion. "Fast enough.Whatcan Imeasure itby?Wecaught…whatwashisname?Laurent?Iimaginethatmeansmoretoyouthanitwouldtosomeoneelse."Itdidmeansomethingtome.Icouldn'timaginethat–thewolves running faster than a vampire.When theCullens ran, they all butturnedinvisiblewithspeed.

"So,tellmesomethingIdon'tknow,"hesaid."Somethingaboutvampires.Howdidyoustandit,beingaroundthem?Didn'titcreepyouout?"

"No," I said curtly.My tonemade him thoughtful for amoment. "Say,why'dyourbloodsuckerkillthatJames,anyway?"heaskedsuddenly.

"James was trying to kill me–it was like a game for him. He lost. Do yourememberlastspringwhenIwasinthehospitaldowninPhoenix?"Jacobsuckedinabreath."Hegotthatclose?""Hegotvery,veryclose."Istrokedmyscar.Jacobnoticed,becauseheheldthehandImoved."What's that?"He tradedhands,examiningmyright. "This isyour funnyscar,thecoldone."Helookedatitcloser,withneweyes,andgasped.

"Yes,it'swhatyouthinkitis,"Isaid."Jamesbitme."His eyes bulged, and his face turned a strange, sallow color under the russetsurface.Helookedlikehewasabouttobesick."Butifhebityou…?Shouldn'tyoube…?"Hechoked."Edwardsavedme twice," Iwhispered. "Hesucked thevenomout–youknow,likewith a rattlesnake." I twitched as the pain lashed around the edges of thehole.ButIwasn't theonlyone twitching. IcouldfeelJacob'swholebodytremblingnexttomine.Eventhecarshook."Careful,Jake.Easy.Caindown.""Yeah,"hepanted. "Calm."Heshookhisheadbackand forthquickly.Afteramoment,onlyhishandswereshaking.

"Youokay?""Yeah,almost.Tellmesomethingelse.Givemesomethingelsetothinkabout.""Whatdoyouwanttoknow?""Idon'tknow."Hehadhiseyesclosed,concentrating."TheextrastuffIguess.DidanyoftheotherCullenshave…extratalents?Likethemindreading?"

Ihesitated a second.This felt like aquestionhewouldaskofhis spy,nothisfriend.ButwhatwasthepointofhidingwhatIknew?Itdidn'tmatternow,anditwouldhelphimcontrolhimself.

SoIspokequickly, the imageofEmily's ruinedface inmymind,and thehairrisingonmyarms. Icouldn't imaginehowtherussetwolfwouldfit inside theRabbit–Jacobwouldtearthewholegarageapartifhechangednow.

"Jaspercould…sortofcontroltheemotionsofthepeoplearoundhim.Notinabadway,justtocalmsomeonedown,thatkindofthing.ItwouldprobablyhelpPaulalot,"Iadded,teasingweakly."AndthenAlicecouldseethingsthatweregoingtohappen.Thefuture,youknow,butnotabsolutely.Thethingsshesawwouldchangewhensomeonechangedthepaththeywereon…"

Likehowshe'dseenmedying…andshe'dseenmebecomingoneofthem.Twothings that had not happened. And one that never would.My head started tospin–Icouldn'tseemtopullinenoughoxygenfromtheair.Nolungs.

Jacobwasentirelyincontrolnow,verystillbesideme.

"Whydoyoudo that?"heasked.He tugged lightlyatoneofmyarms,whichwas bound around my chest, and then gave up when it wouldn't come looseeasily. Ihadn't even realized I'dmoved them."Youdo thatwhenyou'reupset.

Why?"

"Ithurts to thinkabout them," Iwhispered. "It's like Ican'tbreathe…like I'mbreakingintopieces…"ItwasbizarrehowmuchIcouldtellJacobnow.Wehadnomoresecrets.

Hesmoothedmyhair."It'sokay,Bella, it'sokay. Iwon'tbring itupagain. I'msorry.""I'mfine."Igasped."Happensallthetime.Notyourfault."

"We'reaprettymessed-uppair, aren'twe?" Jacobsaid. "Neitheroneofuscanholdourshapetogetherright."

"Pathetic," I agreed, still breathless. "At least we have each other," he said,clearlycomfortedbythethought.Iwascomforted,too."Atleastthere'sthat,"Iagreed.

Andwhenweweretogether,itwasfine.ButJacobhadahorrible,dangerousjobhe feltcompelled todo,andso Iwasoftenalone, stuck inLaPush for safety,withnothingtodotokeepmymindoffanyofmyworries.

Ifeltawkward,alwaystakingupspaceatBilly's.IdidsomestudyingforanotherCalculustestthatwascomingupnextweek,butIcouldonlylookatmathforsolong.WhenIdidn'thavesomethingobvioustodoinmyhands,

Ifelt likeIoughttobemakingconversationwithBilly–thepressureofnormalsocietal rules.ButBillywasn't one for fillingup the long silences, and so theawkwardnesscontinued.

ItriedhangingoutatEmily'splaceWednesdayafternoon,forachange.Atfirstitwas kindof nice.Emilywas a cheerful personwhonever sat still. I driftedbehind herwhile she flitted around her little house and yard, scrubbing at thespotless floor, pulling a tinyweed, fixing a broken hinge, tugging a string ofwoolthroughanancientloom,andalwayscooking,too.Shecomplainedlightlyabouttheincreaseintheboys'appetitesfromalltheirextrarunning,butitwaseasy toseeshedidn'tmind takingcareof them.Itwasn'thard tobewithher–afterall,wewerebothwolfgirlsnow.

But Sam checked in after I'd been there for a few hours. I only stayed longenoughtoascertainthatJacobwasfineandtherewasnonews,andthenIhadtoescape.The auraof love and contentment that surrounded themwasharder totakeinconcentrateddoses,withnooneelsearoundtodiluteit.

So that left mewandering the beach, pacing the length of the rocky crescentbackandforth,againandagain.

Alonetimewasn'tgoodforme.ThankstothenewhonestywithJacob,I'dbeentalkingandthinkingabouttheCullenswaytoomuch.NomatterhowItriedtodistract myself–and I had plenty to think of: I was honestly and desperatelyworried about Jacob and hiswolf-brothers, Iwas terrified forCharlie and theothers who thought they were hunting animals, I was getting in deeper anddeeperwith Jacobwithouteverhavingconsciouslydecided toprogress in thatdirection and I didn't knowwhat to do about it–none of these very real, verydeservingofthought,verypressingconcernscouldtakemymindoffthepaininmychestforlong.Eventually,Icouldn'tevenwalkanymore,becauseIcouldn'tbreathe.Isatdownonapatchofsemidryrocksandcurledupinaball.

Jacobfoundmelikethat,andIcouldtellfromhisexpressionthatheunderstood.

"Sorry,"hesaidrightaway.Hepulledmeupfromthegroundandwrappedbotharms around my shoulders. I hadn't realized that I was cold until then. Hiswarmthmademeshudder,butatleastIcouldbreathewithhimthere.

"I'mruiningyourspringbreak,"Jacobaccusedhimselfaswewalkedbackupthebeach."No,you'renot.Ididn'thaveanyplans.Idon'tthinkIlikespringbreaks,anyway.""I'lltaketomorrowmorningoff.Theotherscanrunwithoutme.We'lldosomethingfun."Thewordseemedoutofplace inmyliferightnow,barelycomprehensible, bizarre. "Fun?" "Fun is exactly what you need. Hmm…" hegazedoutacrosstheheavinggraywaves,deliberating.Ashiseyesscannedthehorizon,hehadaflashofinspiration."Gotit!"hecrowed."Anotherpromisetokeep.""Whatareyoutalkingabout?"

Heletgoofmyhandandpointedtowardthesouthernedgeofthebeach,wherethe flat, rocky half-moon dead-ended against the sheer sea cliffs. I stared,uncomprehending.

"Didn'tIpromisetotakeyoucliffdiving?"Ishivered.

"Yeah, it'll be pretty cold–not as cold as it is today.Can you feel theweatherchanging?Thepressure?Itwillbewarmertomorrow.Youupforit?"Thedarkwaterdidnotlookinviting,and,fromthisangle,thecliffslookedevenhigherthanbefore.

ButithadbeendayssinceI'dheardEdward'svoice.Thatwasprobablypartoftheproblem.Iwasaddictedtothesoundofmydelusions.ItmadethingsworseifIwenttoolongwithoutthem.Jumpingoffacliffwascertaintoremedythatsituation.

"Sure,I'mupforit.Fun.""It'sadate,"hesaid,anddrapedhisarmaroundmy

shoulders.

"Okay–nowlet'sgogetyousomesleep."Ididn'tlikethewaythecirclesunderhiseyeswerebeginningtolookpermanentlyetchedontohisskin.

Iwokeearlythenextmorningandsnuckachangeofclothesouttothetruck.IhadafeelingthatCharliewouldapproveoftoday'splanjustaboutasmuchashewouldapproveofthemotorcycle.

Theideaofadistractionfromallmyworrieshadmealmostexcited.Maybeitwould be fun. A date with Jacob, a date with Edward… I laughed darkly tomyself.Jakecouldsaywhathewantedaboutusbeingamessed-uppair–Iwastheonewhowastrulymessedup.Imadethewerewolfseemdownrightnormal.

IexpectedJacob tomeetmeout front, thewayheusuallydidwhenmynoisytruck announcedmy arrival.When he didn't, I guessed that hemight still besleeping.Iwouldwait–lethimgetasmuchrestashecould.Heneededhissleep,andthatwouldgivethedaytimetowarmabitmore.Jakehadbeenrightabouttheweather,though;ithadchangedinthenight.Athicklayerofcloudspressedheavilyontheatmospherenow,makingitalmostsultry;itwaswarmandcloseunderthegrayblanket.I leftmysweaterinthetruck.Iknockedquietlyonthedoor.

"C'mon in, Bella," Billy said.Hewas at the kitchen table, eating cold cereal."Jake sleeping?" "Er, no." He set his spoon down, and his eyebrows pulledtogether. "What happened?" I demanded. I could tell from his expression thatsomethinghad.

"Embry,Jared,andPaulcrossedafreshtrailearly thismorning.SamandJaketookofftohelp.Samwashopeful–she'shedgedherselfinbesidethemountains.Hethinkstheyhaveagoodchancetofinishthis."

"Oh, no, Billy," I whispered. "Oh, no." He chuckled, deep and low. "Do youreallylikeLaPushsowellthatyouwanttoextendyoursentencehere?""Don'tmake jokes,Billy.This is tooscary for that." "You're right,"heagreed,stillcomplacent.Hisancienteyeswereimpossibletoread."Thisone'stricky."Ibitmylip.

"It'snotasdangerous for themasyou think it is.Samknowswhathe'sdoing.You're theone thatyoushouldworryabout.Thevampiredoesn'twant tofightthem.She'sjusttryingtofindawayaroundthem…toyou."

"HowdoesSamknowwhathe'sdoing?"Idemanded,brushingasidehisconcern

forme."They'veonlykilledjusttheonevampire–thatcouldhavebeenluck.""Wetakewhatwedoveryseriously,Bella.Nothing'sbeenforgotten.Everythingtheyneedtoknowhasbeenpasseddownfromfathertosonforgenerations."

That didn't comfort me the way he probably intended it to. The memory ofVictoria, wild, catlike, lethal, was too strong in my head. If she couldn't getaroundthewolves,shewouldeventuallytrytogothroughthem.

Billywentback tohisbreakfast; I satdownon the sofa and flippedaimlesslythoughtheTVchannels.Thatdidn't last long.Istartedtofeelclosedinbythesmallroom,claustrophobic,upsetbythefactthatIcouldn'tseeoutthecurtainedwindows.

"I'llbeatthebeach,"ItoldBillyabruptly,andhurriedoutthedoor.Beingoutsidedidn'thelpasmuchasI'dhoped.Thecloudspusheddownwithaninvisible weight that kept the claustrophobia from easing. The forest seemedstrangelyvacantasIwalkedtowardthebeach.Ididn'tseeanyanimals–nobirds,nosquirrels.Icouldn'thearanybirds,either.Thesilencewaseerie;therewasn'teventhesoundofwindinthetrees.

Iknew itwasall justaproductof theweather,but it stillmademeedgy.Theheavy, warm pressure of the atmosphere was perceptible even to my weakhuman senses, and it hinted at something major in the storm department. Aglanceattheskybackedthisup;thecloudswerechurningsluggishlydespitethelackofbreezeontheground.Theclosestcloudswereasmokygray,butbetweenthecracksIcouldseeanotherlayerthatwasagruesomepurplecolor.Theskieshadaferociousplaninstorefortoday.Theanimalsmustbebunkeringdown.

AssoonasIreachedthebeach,IwishedIhadn'tcome–I'dalreadyhadenoughofthisplace.I'dbeenherealmosteveryday,wanderingalone.Wasitsomuchdifferent from my nightmares? But where else to go? I trudged down to thedriftwoodtree,andsatattheendsothatIcouldleanagainstthetangledroots.Istared up at the angry sky broodingly,waiting for the first drops to break thestillness.

I tried not to think about the danger Jacob and his friends were in. BecausenothingcouldhappentoJacob.Thethoughtwasunendurable.I'dlosttoomuchalready–would fate take the last fewshredsofpeace leftbehind?That seemedunfair,outofbalance.ButmaybeI'dviolatedsomeunknownrule,crossedsomelinethathadcondemnedme.Maybeitwaswrongtobesoinvolvedwithmythsandlegends,toturnmybackonthehumanworld.Maybe…

No.NothingwouldhappentoJacob.IhadtobelievethatorIwouldn'tbeabletofunction. "Argh!" I groaned, and jumpedoff the log. I couldn't sit still; itwasworsethanpacing.

I'dreallybeencountingonhearingEdwardthismorning.Itseemedlikethatwastheonethingthatmightmakeitbearabletolivethroughthisday.Theholehadbeen festering lately, like it was getting revenge for the times that Jacob'spresencehadtamedit.Theedgesburned.

ThewavespickedupasIpaced,beginningtocrashagainsttherocks,buttherewasstillnowind. I feltpinneddownby thepressureof thestorm.Everythingswirledaroundme,but itwasperfectlystillwhere I stood.Theairhada faintelectriccharge–Icouldfeelthestaticinmyhair.

Fartherout,thewaveswereangrierthantheywerealongtheshore.Icouldseethem battering against the line of the cliffs, spraying big white clouds of seafoam into the sky. Therewas still nomovement in the air, though the cloudsroiledmorequicklynow.Itwaseerie looking–like thecloudsweremovingbytheirownwill.Ishivered,thoughIknewitwasjustatrickofthepressure.The cliffs were a black knife edge against the livid sky. Staring at them, IrememberedthedayJacobhadtoldmeaboutSamandhis"gang."Ithoughtoftheboys–thewerewolves–throwingthemselvesintotheemptyair.Theimageofthe falling, spiraling figures was still vivid in my mind. I imagined the utterfreedomofthefall…IimaginedthewayEdward'svoicewouldhavesoundedinmyhead–furious,velvet,perfect…Theburninginmychestflaredagonizingly.

Therehadtobesomewaytoquenchit.Thepainwasgrowingmoreandmoreintolerablebythesecond.Iglaredatthecliffsandthecrashingwaves.Well,whynot?Whynotquenchitrightnow?

Jacobhadpromisedmecliffdiving,hadn'the?Justbecausehewasunavailable,should Ihave togiveup thedistraction Ineeded sobadly–neededevenworsebecause Jacob was out risking his life? Risking it, in essence, for me. If itweren'tforme,Victoriawouldnotbekillingpeoplehere…justsomewhereelse,faraway.IfanythinghappenedtoJacob,itwouldbemyfault.Thatrealizationstabbed deep and had me jogging back up to the road toward Billy's house,wheremytruckwaited.

Iknewmywaytothelanethatpassedclosesttothecliffs,butIhadtohuntforthelittlepaththatwouldtakemeouttotheledge.AsIfollowedit,Ilookedforturns or forks, knowing that Jake had planned to take me off the loweroutcroppingratherthanthetop,butthepathwoundinathinsinglelinetoward

thebrinkwithnooptions.Ididn'thavetimetofindanotherwaydown–thestormwasmoving inquicklynow.Thewindwas finallybeginning to touchme, thecloudspressingcloser to theground.JustasI reached theplacewhere thedirtpath fanned out into the stone precipice, the first drops broke through andsplatteredonmyface.

ItwasnothardtoconvincemyselfthatIdidn'thavetimetosearchforanotherway–Iwantedtojumpfromthetop.Thiswastheimagethathadlingeredinmyhead.Iwantedthelongfallthatwouldfeellikeflying.

I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had done yet. Thethoughtmademesmile.Thepainwasalreadyeasing,asifmybodyknewthatEdward'svoicewasjustsecondsaway…

Theoceansoundedveryfaraway,somehowfartherthanbefore,whenIwasonthepathinthetrees.IgrimacedwhenIthoughtoftheprobabletemperatureofthewater.ButIwasn'tgoingtoletthatstopme.

Thewindblewstrongernow,whippingtherainintoeddiesaroundme.

Isteppedout to theedge,keepingmyeyesontheemptyspace infrontofme.Mytoesfeltaheadblindly,caressingtheedgeoftherockwhentheyencounteredit.Idrewinadeepbreathandheldit..waiting."Bella."

Ismiledandexhaled.

Yes?Ididn'tansweroutloud,forfearthatthesoundofmyvoicewouldshatterthe beautiful illusion.He sounded so real, so close. Itwas onlywhen liewasdisapprovinglikethisthatIcouldhearthetruememoryofhisvoice–thevelvettextureandthemusicalintonationthatmadeupthemostperfectofallvoices.

"Don'tdothis,"hepleaded.Youwantedmetobehuman,Iremindedhim.Well,watchme."Please.Forme."Butyouwon'tstaywithmeanyotherway.

"Please." It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair anddrenchedmyclothes–makingmeaswetasif thisweremysecondjumpoftheday.

I rolleduponto theballsofmy feet. "No,Bella!"Hewasangrynow,and theangerwassolovely.

Ismiledandraisedmyarmsstraightout,as ifIweregoingtodive, liftingmyfaceintotherain.Butitwastooingrainedfromyearsofswimmingatthepublicpool–feetfirst,firsttime.Ileanedforward,crouchingtogetmorespring…

AndIflungmyselfoffthecliff.

IscreamedasIdroppedthroughtheopenairlikeameteor,butitwasascreamof exhilaration and not fear. The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight theunconquerable gravity, pushing against me and twirling me in spirals like arocketcrashingtotheearth.

Yes!Theword echoed throughmyhead as I sliced through the surface of thewater.Itwasicy,colderthanI'dfeared,andyetthechillonlyaddedtothehigh.

IwasproudofmyselfasIplungeddeeperintothefreezingblackwater.Ihadn'thadonemomentof terror–just pure adrenaline.Really, the fallwasn't scary atall.Wherewasthechallenge?

Thatwaswhenthecurrentcaughtme.

I'dbeensopreoccupiedbythesizeofthecliffs,bytheobviousdangeroftheirhigh,sheerfaces,thatIhadn'tworriedatallaboutthedarkwaterwaiting.Ineverdreamedthatthetruemenacewaslurkingfarbelowme,undertheheavingsurf.

Itfeltlikethewaveswerefightingoverme,jerkingmebackandforthbetweenthemasifdeterminedtosharebypullingmeintohalves.Iknewtherightwaytoavoida riptide:swimparallel to thebeachrather thanstrugglingfor theshore.ButtheknowledgedidmelittlegoodwhenIdidn'tknowwhichwaytheshorewas.

Icouldn'teventellwhichwaythesurfacewas.

Theangrywaterwasblackineverydirection;therewasnobrightnesstodirectmeupward.Gravitywasall-powerfulwhenitcompetedwiththeair,butithadnothingonthewaves–Icouldn'tfeeladownwardpull,asinkinginanydirection.Justthebatteringofthecurrentthatflungmeroundandroundlikearagdoll.

I fought tokeepmybreath in, tokeepmy lips lockedaroundmy last storeofoxygen.

It didn't surpriseme thatmydelusion ofEdwardwas there.Heowedme thatmuch,consideringthatIwasdying.Iwassurprisedbyhowsurethatknowledgewas.Iwasgoingtodrown.Iwasdrowning.

"Keepswimming!"Edwardbeggedurgentlyinmyhead.Where? Therewas nothing but the darkness. Therewas no place to swim to."Stopthat!"heordered."Don'tyoudaregiveup!"

Thecoldofthewaterwasnumbingmyarmsandlegs.Ididn'tfeelthebuffeting

somuchasbefore.Itwasmoreofjustadizzinessnow,ahelplessspinninginthewater.

But I listened tohim. I forcedmyarms to continue reaching,my legs tokickharder, thougheverysecond Iwas facinganewdirection. It couldn'tbedoinganygood.Whatwasthepoint?

"Fight!"heyelled."Damnit,Bella,keepfighting."Why?

Ididn'twanttofightanymore.Anditwasn'tthelight-headedness,orthecold,orthe failure of my arms as the muscles gave out in exhaustion, that made mecontent tostaywhere Iwas. Iwasalmosthappy that itwasover.ThiswasaneasierdeaththanothersI'dfaced.Oddlypeaceful.

I thought briefly of the clichés, about how youwere suppose to see your lifeflash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun,anyway?

Isawhim,andIhadnowilltofight.Itwassoclear,somuchmoredefinedthanany memory. My subconscious had stored Edward away in flawless detail,savinghimforthisfinalmoment.Icouldseehisperfectfaceasifhewerereallythere;theexactshadeofhisicyskin,theshapeofhislips,thelineofhisjaw,thegoldglintinginhisfuriouseyes.Hewasangry,naturally, thatIwasgivingup.Histeethwereclenchedandhisnostrilsflaredwithrage."No!Bella,no!"

My earswere floodedwith the freezingwater, but his voicewas clearer thanever.Iignoredhiswordsandconcentratedonthesoundofhisvoice.WhywouldIfightwhenIwassohappywhereIwas?Evenasmylungsburnedformoreairand my legs cramped in the icy cold, I was content. I'd forgotten what realhappinessfeltlike.

Happiness.Itmadethewholedyingthingprettybearable.

Thecurrentwonatthatmoment,shovingmeabruptlyagainstsomethinghard,arockinvisibleinthegloom.Ithitmesolidlyacrossthechest,slammingintomelikean ironbar,and thebreathwhooshedoutofmylungs,escaping ina thickcloud of silver bubbles.Water flooded downmy throat, choking and burning.Theironbarseemedtobedraggingme,pullingmeawayfromEdward,deeperintothedark,totheoceanfloor.

Goodbye,Iloveyou,wasmylastthought.

16.PARIS

ATTHATMOMENT,MYHEADBROKETHESURFACE.Howdisorienting.I'dbeensureIwassinking.

Thecurrentwouldn't letup.Itwasslammingmeagainstmorerocks;theybeatagainstthecenterofmybacksharply,rhythmically,pushingthewaterfrommylungs. It gushed out in amazing volume, absolute torrents pouring from mymouthandnose.Thesaltburnedandmylungsburnedandmythroatwastoofullof water to catch a breath and the rocks were hurting my back. Somehow Istayed in one place, though the waves still heaved around me. I couldn't seeanythingbutwatereverywhere,reachingformyface.

"Breathe!" a voice, wildwith anxiety, ordered, and I felt a cruel stab of painwherIrecognizedthevoice–becauseitwasn'tEdward's.Icouldnotobey.Thewaterfallpouringfrommymouthdidn'tstoplongenoughformetocatchabreath.Theblack,icywaterfilledmychest,burning.The rock smacked intomybackagain, rightbetweenmyshoulderblades, andanothervolleyofwaterchokeditswayoutofmylungs.

"Breathe,Bella!C'mon!"Jacobbegged.Blackspotsbloomedacrossmyvision,gettingwiderandwider,blockingoutthelight.Therockstruckmeagain.

The rockwasn't cold like thewater; it was hot onmy skin. I realized it wasJacob's hand, trying to beat the water from my lungs. The iron bar that haddraggedmefromtheseawasalso…warm…Myheadwhirled,theblackspotscoveredeverything…

WasIdyingagain, then?Ididn't like it–thiswasn'tasgoodas the last time. Itwas only dark now, nothingworth looking at here.The sound of the crashingwavesfadedintotheblackandbecameaquiet,evenwhooshthatsoundedlikeitwascomingfromtheinsideofmyears…

"Bella?" Jacob asked, his voice still tense, but not as wild as before. "Bells,honey,canyouhearme?"

Thecontentsofmyheadswishedandrolledsickeningly, like they'd joined theroughwater…"Howlonghasshebeenunconscious?"someoneelseasked.The voice that was not Jacob's shocked me, jarred me into a more focusedawareness.IrealizedthatIwasstill.Therewasnotugofthecurrentonme–theheavingwas insidemyhead.Thesurfaceundermewasflatandmotionless. Itfeltgrainyagainstmybarearms.

"Idon'tknow,"Jacobreported,stillfrantic.Hisvoicewasveryclose.Hands–so

warmtheyhadtobehis–brushedwethairfrommycheeks."Afewminutes?Itdidn'ttakelongtotowhertothebeach."

Thequietwhooshinginsidemyearswasnotthewaves–itwastheairmovinginandoutofmylungsagain.Eachbreathburned–thepassagewayswereasrawasifI'dscrubbedthemoutwithsteelwool.ButIwasbreathing.

AndIwasfreezing.Athousandsharp,icybeadswerestrikingmyfaceandarms,makingthecoldworse."She'sbreathing.She'llcomearound.Weshouldgetheroutofthecold,though.Idon'tlikethecolorshe'sturning…"IrecognizedSam'svoicethistime.

"Youthinkit'sokaytomoveher?""Shedidn'thurtherbackoranythingwhenshefell?""Idon'tknow."Theyhesitated.

Itriedtoopenmyeyes.Ittookmeaminute,butthenIcouldseethedark,purpleclouds,flingingthefreezingraindownatme."Jake?"Icroaked.

Jacob's face blocked out the sky. "Oh!" he gasped, relief washing over hisfeatures.Hiseyeswerewetfromtherain."Oh,Bella!Areyouokay?Canyouhearme?Doyouhurtanywhere?"

"J-Justm-mythroat,"Istuttered,mylipsquiveringfromthecold.

"Let'sgetyououtofhere,then,"Jacobsaid.Heslidhisarmsundermeandliftedmewithouteffort–likepickingupanemptybox.Hischestwasbareandwarm;he hunched his shoulders to keep the rain off ofme.Myhead lolled over hisarm. I stared vacantly back toward the furiouswater, beating the sand behindhim.

"Yougother?"IheardSamask."Yeah,I'lltakeitfromhere.Getbacktothehospital.I'lljoinyoulater.Thanks,Sam."

Myheadwasstillrolling.Noneofhiswordssunkinatfirst.Samdidn'tanswer.Therewasnosound,andIwonderedifhewerealreadygone.

ThewaterlickedandwrithedupthesandafterusasJacobcarriedmeaway,likeitwas angry that I'd escaped.As I staredwearily, a spark of color caughtmyunfocusedeyes–asmallflashoffirewasdancingontheblackwater,faroutinthebay.Theimagemadenosense,andIwonderedhowconsciousIreallywas.Myheadswirledwiththememoryoftheblack,churningwater–ofbeingsolostthatIcouldn'tfindupordown.Solost…butsomehowJacob…

"Howdidyoufindme?"Irasped.

"Iwassearchingforyou,"hetoldme.Hewashalf-joggingthroughtherain,upthebeach toward theroad."I followed the tire tracks toyour truck,and thenIheardyouscream…"Heshuddered."Whywouldyou jump,Bella?Didn'tyounotice that it's turning intoahurricaneouthere?Couldn'tyouhavewaited forme?"Angerfilledhistoneastherelieffaded.

"Sorry,"Imuttered."Itwasstupid."

"Yeah,itwasreallystupid,"heagreed,dropsofrainshakingfreeofhishairashenodded."Look,doyoumindsavingthestupidstuffforwhenI'maround?Iwon'tbeabletoconcentrateifIthinkyou'rejumpingoffcliffsbehindmyback."

"Sure," Iagreed."Noproblem." I sounded likeachain-smoker. I tried toclearmy throat–and thenwinced; the throat-clearing felt like stabbingaknifedownthere."Whathappenedtoday?Didyou…findher?"Itwasmyturntoshudder,thoughIwasn'tsocoldhere,rightnexttohisridiculousbodyheat.

Jacobshookhishead.Hewasstillmorerunningthanwalkingasheheadeduptheroadtohishouse."No.Shetookoffintothewater–thebloodsuckershavetheadvantagethere.That'swhyIracedhome–Iwasafraidshewasgoingtodoublebackswimming.Youspendsomuchtimeonthebeach…"Hetrailedoff,acatchinhisthroat.

"Samcamebackwithyou…iseveryoneelsehome,too?"Ihopedtheyweren'tstilloutsearchingforher."Yeah.Sortof."Itriedtoreadhisexpression,squintingintothehammeringrain.Hiseyesweretightwithworryorpain.

Thewords that hadn't made sense before suddenly did. "You said… hospital.Before, toSam.Issomeonehurt?Didshefightyou?"Myvoice jumpedupanoctave,soundingstrangewiththehoarseness.

"No, no. When we got back, Em was waiting with the news. It's HarryClearwater.Harryhadaheartattackthismorning.""Harry?"Ishookmyhead,tryingtoabsorbwhathewasstaying."Oh,no!DoesCharlieknow?"

"Yeah.He'soverthere,too,withmydad.""IsHarry going to be okay?" Jacob's eyes tightened again. "It doesn't look sogreatrightnow."

Abruptly,Ifeltreallysickwithguilt–felttrulyhorribleaboutthebrainlesscliff

dive.Nobodyneededtobeworryingaboutmerightnow.Whatastupidtimetobereckless."WhatcanIdo?"Iasked.Atthatmomenttherainstopped.Ihadn'trealizedwewerealreadybacktoJacob'shouseuntilhewalkedthroughthedoor.Thestormpoundedagainsttheroof."Youcanstayhere,"Jacobsaidashedumpedmeontheshortcouch."Imeanit–righthereI'llgetyousomedryclothes."

IletmyeyesadjusttothedarkroomwhileJacobbangedaroundinhisbedroom.ThecrampedfrontroomseemedsoemptywithoutBilly,almostdesolate.Itwasstrangelyominous–probablyjustbecauseIknewwherehewas.

Jacobwasbackinseconds.Hethrewapileofgraycottonatme."Thesewillbehugeonyou,butit'sthebestI'vegot.I'll,er,stepoutsidesoyoucanchange.""Don'tgoanywhere.I'mtootiredtomoveyet.Juststaywithme."Jacobsatonthefloornexttome,hisbackagainstthecouch.Iwonderedwhenhe'dsleptlast.HelookedasexhaustedasIfelt.Heleanedhisheadonthecushionnexttomineandyawned."GuessIcouldrestforaminute…"Hiseyesclosed.Iletmineslideshut,too.

PoorHarry.PoorSue.IknewCharliewasgoingtobebesidehimself.Harrywasoneofhisbestfriends.DespiteJake'snegativetakeonthings,Ihopedferventlythat Harry would pull through. For Charlie's sake. For Sue's and Leah's andSeth's…

Billy's sofa was right next to the radiator, and I was warm now, despite mysoaked clothes. My lungs ached in a way that pushed me towardunconsciousness rather than keepingme awake. Iwondered vaguely if it waswrong to sleep… or was I getting drowning mixed up with concussions… ?Jacob began softly snoring, and the sound of it soothed like a lullaby. I fellasleepquickly.

Forthefirsttimeinaverylongtime,mydreamwasjustanormaldream.Justablurredwanderingthrougholdmemories–blindingbrightvisionsofthePhoenixsun,mymother'sface,aramshackletreehouse,afadedquilt,awallofmirrors,aflameontheblackwater…Iforgoteachofthemassoonasthepicturechanged.Thelastpicturewastheonlyonethatstuckinmyhead.Itwasmeaningless–justa set on a stage. A balcony at night, a painted moon hanging in the sky. Iwatchedthegirlinhernightdressleanontherailingandtalktoherself.

Meaningless…butwhenIslowlystruggledbacktoconsciousness,Julietwasonmymind.

Jacobwas still asleep; he'd slumped down to the floor and his breathingwasdeepandeven.Thehousewasdarkernowthanbefore,itwasblackoutsidethewindow. Iwasstiff,butwarmandalmostdry.The insideofmy throatburnedwitheverybreathItook.

Iwasgoingtohavetogetup–atleasttogetadrink.Butmybodyjustwantedtcheherelimp,tonevermoveagain.Insteadofmoving,IthoughtaboutJulietsomemore.

IwonderedwhatshewouldhavedoneifRomeohadlefther,notbecausehewasbanished,butbecausehelostinterestsWhatifRosalindhadgivenhimthetimeofday,andhe'dchangedhismind?Whatif,insteadofmarryingJuliet,he'djustdisappeared?

IthoughtIknewhowJulietwouldfeel.

Shewouldn'tgobacktoheroldlife,notreally.Shewouldn'teverhavemovedon,Iwassureofthat.Evenifshe'dliveduntilshewasoldandgray,everytimesheclosedhereyes, itwouldhavebeenRomeo'sfaceshesawbehindherlids.Shewouldhaveacceptedthat,eventually.

IwonderedifshewouldhavemarriedParisintheend,justtopleaseherparents,to keep the peace.No, probably not, I decided. But then, the story didn't saymuchaboutParis.Hewasjustastickfigure–aplaceholder,athreat,adeadlinetoforceherhand.

WhatifthereweremoretoParis?

WhatifParishadbeenJuliet'sfriend?Herverybestfriend?Whatifhewastheonlyone shecouldconfide inabout thewholedevastating thingwithRomeo?The one personwho really understood her andmade her feel halfway humanagain?What ifhewaspatientandkind?What ifhe tookcareofher?What ifJulietknewshecouldn'tsurvivewithouthim?What ifhereally lovedher,andwantedhertobehappy?

And…what if she lovedParis?Not likeRomeo.Nothing like that, of course.Butenoughthatshewantedhimtobehappy,too?

Jacob's slow, deep breathing was the only sound in the room–like a lullabyhummedtoachild,likethewhisperofarockingchair,likethetickingofanoldclockwhenyouhadnowhereyouneededtogo…Itwasthesoundofcomfort.

IfRomeowasreallygone,nevercomingback,wouldithavematteredwhetheror not Juliet had takenParis up on his offer?Maybe she should have tried to

settle into the leftover scraps of life that were left behind.Maybe that wouldhavebeenasclosetohappinessasshecouldget.

Isighed,andthengroanedwhenthesighscrapedmythroat.Iwasreadingtoomuch into the story.Romeowouldn't changehismind.That'swhypeople stillrememberedhisname,alwaystwinedwithhers:RomeoandJuliet.That'swhyitwasagoodstory."JulietgetsdumpedandendsupwithParis"wouldhaveneverbeenahit.

I closed my eyes and drifted again, letting my mind wander away from thestupidplayIdidn'twanttothinkaboutanymore.Ithoughtaboutrealityinstead–aboutjumpingoffthecliffandwhatabrainlessmistakethathadbeen.Andnotjustthecliff,butthemotorcyclesandthewholeirresponsibleEvelKnievelbit.Whatifsomethingbadhappenedtome?WhatwouldthatdotoCharlie?Harry'sheartattackhadpushedeverythingsuddenlyintoperspectiveforme.PerspectivethatIdidn'twanttosee,because–ifIadmittedtothetruthofit–itwouldmeanthatIwouldhavetochangemyways.CouldIlivelikethat?

Maybe.Itwouldn'tbeeasy;infact,itwouldbedownrightmiserabletogiveupmy hallucinations and try to be a grown-up. But maybe I should do it. AndmaybeIcould.IfIhadJacob.

I couldn't make that decision right now. It hurt too much. I'd think aboutsomethingelse.

Images frommy ill-consideredafternoonstunt rolled throughmyheadwhile Itriedtocomeupwithsomethingpleasanttothinkabout…thefeeloftheairasIfell,theblacknessofthewater,thethrashingofthecurrent…Edward'sface…Ilingeredthereforalongtime.Jacob'swarmhands,tryingtobeatlifebackintome…thestingingrainflungdownbythepurpleclouds…thestrangefireonthewaves…

Therewassomethingfamiliarabout that flashofcoloron topof thewater.Ofcourseitcouldn'treallybefire–

Mythoughtswereinterruptedbythesoundofacarsquelchingthroughthemudon the road outside. I heard it stop in front of the house, and doors startedopening and closing. I thought about sitting up, and then decided against thatidea.

Billy's voicewas easily identifiable, but he kept it uncharacteristically low, sothatitwasonlyagravellygrumble.The door opened, and the light flicked on. I blinked,momentarily blind. Jake

startledawake,gaspingandjumpingtohisfeet."Sorry,"Billygrunted."Didwewakeyou?"Myeyes slowly focusedonhis face, and then, as I could readhis expression,theyfilledwithtears.

"Oh,no,Billy!"Imoaned.Henoddedslowly,hisexpressionhardwithgrief.Jakehurriedtohisfatherandtookoneofhishands.Thepainmadehisfacesuddenlychildlike–itlookedoddontopoftheman'sbody.

Sam was right behind Billy, pushing his chair through the door. His normalcomposurewasabsentfromhisagonizedface.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. Billy nodded. "It's gonna be hard all around.""Where'sCharlie?" "Your dad is still at the hospitalwith Sue.There are a lotof…arrangements to bemade." I swallowed hard. "I'd better get back there,"Sammumbled,andheduckedhastilyoutthedoor.

BillypulledhishandawayfromJacob,and thenherolledhimself throughthekitchentowardhisroom.Jakestaredafterhimforaminute,thencametositonthefloorbesidemeagain.He put his face in his hands. I rubbed his shoulder, wishing I could think ofanythingtosay.Afteralongmoment,Jacobcaughtmyhandandheldit tohisface."Howareyoufeeling?Areyouokay?Iprobablyshouldhavetakenyoutoadoctororsomething."Hesighed.

"Don'tworryaboutme,"Icroaked.Hetwistedhisheadtolookatme.Hiseyeswererimmedinred."Youdon'tlooksogood.""Idon'tfeelsogood,either,Iguess."

"I'llgogetyour truckandthentakeyouhome–youprobablyought tobetherewhenCharliegetsback.""Right."I lay listlesslyon thesofawhile Iwaitedforhim.Billywassilent in theotherroom.I felt likeapeeping torn,peering through thecracksataprivatesorrowthatwasn'tmine.

Itdidn'ttakeJakelong.Theroarofmytruck'senginebrokethesilencebeforeIexpectedit.Hehelpedmeupfromthecouchwithoutspeaking,keepinghisarmaround my shoulder when the cold air outside made me shiver. He took thedriver'sseatwithoutasking,andthenpulledmenexttohissidetokeephisarmtightaroundme.Ileanedmyheadagainsthischest.

"Howwillyougethome?"Iasked.

"I'mnotgoinghome.Westillhaven'tcaught thebloodsucker, remember?"Mynextshudderhadnothingtodowithcold.

Itwasaquietrideafterthat.Thecoldairhadwokenmeup.Mymindwasalert,anditwasworkingveryhardandveryfast.Whatif?Whatwastherightthingtodo?

Icouldn't imaginemylifewithoutJacobnow–Icringedawayfromthe ideaofeventryingtoimaginethat.Somehow,he'dbecomeessentialtomysurvival.Buttoleavethingsthewaytheywere…wasthatcruel,asMikehadaccused?

IrememberedwishingthatJacobweremybrother.IrealizednowthatallIreallywantedwasaclaimonhim.Itdidn'tfeelbrotherlywhenheheldmelikethis.Itjustfeltnice–warmandcomfortingandfamiliar.Safe.Jacobwasasafeharbor.

Icouldstakeaclaim.Ihadthatmuchwithinmypower.

I'dhave to tellhimeverything, Iknew that. Itwas theonlyway tobe fair. I'dhavetoexplainitright,sothathe'dknowIwasn'tsettling,thathewasmuchtoogoodforme.HealreadyknewIwasbroken,thatpartwouldn'tsurprisehim,buthe'd need to know the extent of it. I'd even have to admit that I was crazy–explainaboutthevoicesIheard.He'dneedtoknoweverythingbeforehemadeadecision.

But,evenasIrecognizedthatnecessity,Iknewhewouldtakemeinspiteofitall.Hewouldn'tevenpausetothinkitthrough.Iwouldhavetocommittothis–commitasmuchofmeastherewasleft,everyoneofthebrokenpieces.Itwastheonlywaytobefairtohim.WouldI?CouldI?

WoulditbesowrongtotrytomakeJacobhappy?EveniftheloveIfeltforhimwasnomorethanaweakechoofwhatIwascapableof,evenifmyheartwasfar away,wandering andgrieving aftermy fickleRomeo,would it be so verywrong?

Jacobstoppedthetruckinfrontofmydarkhouse,cuttingtheenginesoitwassuddenly silent. Like so many other times, he seemed to be in tune with mythoughtsnow.Hethrewhisotherarmaroundme,crushingmeagainsthischeat,bindingmetohim.Again,thisfeltnice.Almostlikebeingawholepersonagain.

I thought hewouldbe thinkingofHarry, but thenhe spoke, andhis tonewasapologetic."Sorry.Iknowyoudon'tfeelexactlythewayIdo,Bella.IswearI

don'tmind.I'mjustsogladyou'reokaythatIcouldsing–andthat'ssomethingnoonewantstohear."Helaughedhisthroatylaughinmyear.Mybreathingkickedupanotch,sandingthewallsofmythroat.

Wouldn'tEdward,indifferentashemightbe,wantmetobeashappyaspossibleunder the circumstances?Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him towant that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this:giving just a small bit of love he didn'twant tomy friend Jacob.After all, itwasn'tthesameloveatall.

Jakepressedhiswarmcheekagainstthetopofmyhair.

IfIturnedmyfacetotheside–ifIpressedmylipsagainsthisbareshoulder...Iknewwithoutanydoubtwhatwouldfollow.Itwouldbeveryeasy.Therewouldbenoneedforexplanationstonight.

ButcouldIdoit?CouldIbetraymyabsenthearttosavemypatheticlife?ButterfliesassaultedmystomachasIthoughtofturningmyhead.

And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voicewhisperedinmyear.

"Behappy,"hetoldme.Ifroze.Jacobfeltmestiffenandreleasedmeautomatically,reachingforthedoor.

Wait,Iwantedtosay.Justaminute.ButIwasstilllockedinplace,listeningtotheechoofEdward'svoiceinmyhead.Storm-cooledairblewthroughthecabofthetruck."OH!"ThebreathwhooshedoutofJacoblikesomeonehadpunchedhiminthegut."Holycrap!"Heslammedthedoorandtwistedthekeysintheignitionatthesamemoment.HishandswereshakingsohardIdidn'tknowhowhemanagedit.

"What'swrong?"Herevvedtheenginetoofast;itsputteredandfaltered."Vampire,"hespitout.Thebloodrushedfrommyheadandleftmedizzy."Howdoyouknow?""BecauseIcansmellit.Dammit!"Jacob's eyeswerewild, raking thedark street.Hebarely seemedawareof thetremors thatwere rolling throughhisbody. "Phaseorgetheroutofhere?"hehissedathimself.

He lookeddownatme fora split second, taking inmyhorror-struckeyesandwhiteface,andthenhewasscanningthestreetagain."Right.Getyouout."

Theenginecaughtwitharoar.The tiressquealedashespun the truckaround,turningtowardouronlyescape.Theheadlightswashedacrossthepavement,litthefrontlineoftheblackforest,andfinallyglintedoffacarparkedacrossthestreetfrommyhouse.

"Stop!"Igasped.

Itwasablackcar–acarIknew.Imightbethefurthestthingfromanautophile,butIcouldtellyoueverythingaboutthatparticularcar.ItwasaMercedesS55AMG.Iknewthehorsepowerandthecoloroftheinterior.Iknewthefeelofthepowerfulenginepurringthroughtheframe.Iknewtherichsmelloftheleatherseats and theway the extra-dark tintmade noon look like dusk through thosewindows.

ItwasCarlisle'scar."Stop!" I cried again, louder this time, because Jacob was gunning the truckdownthestreet."What?!""It'snotVictoria.Stop,stop!Iwanttogoback."Hestompedon thebrakesohard Ihad tocatchmyselfagainst thedashboard."What?"heaskedagain,aghast.Hestaredatmewithhorrorinhiseyes."It'sCarlisle'scar!It'stheCullens.Iknowit."Hewatcheddawnbreakacrossmyface,andaviolenttremorrockedhisframe."Hey,calmdown,Jake.It'sokay.Nodanger,see?Relax."

"Yeah,calm,"hepanted,puttinghisheaddownandclosinghiseyes.Whileheconcentratedonnotexplodingintoawolf,Istaredout thebackwindowat theblackcar.ItwasjustCarlisle,Itoldmyself.Don'texpectanythingmore.MaybeEsme…Stoprightthere,Itoldmyself.JustCarlisle.Thatwasplenty.MorethanI'deverhoped tohaveagain."There'savampire inyourhouse,"Jacobhissed."Andyouwanttogoback?"Iglancedathim,rippingmyunwillingeyesofftheMercedes–terrifiedthatitwoulddisappearthesecondIlookedaway.

"Of course," I said,my voice blankwith surprise at his question.Of course Iwantedtogoback.Jacob'sfacehardenedwhileIstaredathim,congealingintothebittermaskthatI'dthoughtwasgoneforgood.Justbeforehehadthemaskinplace,Icaughtthespasm of betrayal that flashed in his eyes. His hands were still shaking. Helookedtenyearsolderthanme.

Hetookadeepbreath."You'resureit'snotatrick?"heaskedinaslow,heavyvoice."It'snotatrick.It'sCarlisle.Takemeback!"A shudder rippled through his wide shoulders, but his eyes were flat andemotionless."No.""Jake,it'sokay–"

"No.Takeyourselfback,Bella."Hisvoicewasaslap–Iflinchedasthesoundofitstruckme.Hisjawclenchedandunclenched."Look, Bella," he said in the same hard voice. "I can't go back. Treaty or notreaty,that'smyenemyinthere."

"It'snotlikethat–""IhavetotellSamrightaway.Thischangesthings.Wecan'tbecaughtontheirterritory.""Jake,it'snotawar!"Hedidn'tlisten.Heputthetruckinneutralandjumpedoutthedoor,leavingitrunning.

"Bye,Bella,"hecalledbackoverhisshoulder."Ireallyhopeyoudon'tdie."Hesprinted into the darkness, shaking so hard that his shape seemed blurred; hedisappearedbeforeIcouldopenmymouthtocallhimback.

Remorsepinnedmeagainsttheseatforonelongsecond.WhathadIjustdonetoJacob'?Butremorsecouldn'tholdmeverylong.

I slid across the seat and put the truck back in drive.Myhandswere shakingalmostashardasJake'shadbeen,andthistookaminuteofconcentration.ThenIcarefullyturnedthetruckaroundanddroveitbacktomyhouse.

ItwasverydarkwhenIturnedofftheheadlights.Charliehadleftinsuchahurrythathe'dforgottentoleavetheporchlampon.Ifeltapangofdoubt,staringatthehouse,deepinshadow.Whatifitwasatrick?

Ilookedbackattheblackcar,almostinvisibleinthenight.No.Iknewthatcar.

Still,myhandswere shaking evenworse thanbefore as I reached for thekeyabovethedoor.WhenIgrabbedthedoorknobtounlockit,ittwistedeasilyundermyhand.Iletthedoorfallopen.Thehallwaywasblack.Iwantedtocalloutagreeting,butmythroatwastoodry.Icouldn'tquiteseemtocatchmybreath.

I took a step inside and fumbled for the light switch. Itwas so black–like theblackwater…Wherewasthatswitch?Justliketheblackwater,withtheorangeflameflickeringimpossiblyontopofit.Flame thatcouldn'tbea fire,butwhat then…?Myfingers traced thewall,

stillsearching,stillshaking–

Suddenly, something Jacob had told me this afternoon echoed in my head,finallysinkingin…Shetookoffintothewater,he'dsaid.Thebloodsuckershavethe advantage there. That's why I raced home–I was afraid she was going todoublebackswimming.

Myhand froze in its searching,mywholebody froze intoplace, as I realizedwhyIrecognizedthestrangeorangecoloronthewater.Victoria'shair,blowingwildinthewind,thecoloroffire…She'd been right there. Right there in the harbor with me and Jacob. If Samhadn'tbeenthere,ifithadbeenjustthetwoofus…?Icouldn'tbreatheormove.Thelightflickedon,thoughmyfrozenhandhadstillnotfoundtheswitch.Iblinkedintothesuddenlight,andsawthatsomeonewasthere,waitingforme.17.VISITOR

UNNATURALLYSTILLANDWHITE,WITHLARGEBLACKEYESintenton my face, my visitor waited perfectly motionless in the center of the halt,beautifulbeyondimagining.

Mykneestrembledforasecond,andInearlyfell.ThenIhurledmyselfather."Alice,oh,Alice!"Icried,asIslammedintoher.I'd forgotten how hard she was; it was like running headlong into a wall ofcement. "Bella?" Therewas a strangemingling of relief and confusion in hervoice.

Ilockedmyarmsaroundher,gaspingtoinhaleasmuchofthescentofherskinaspossible. Itwasn't likeanythingelse–not floralor spice,citrusormusk.Noperfumeintheworldcouldcompare.Mymemoryhadn'tdoneitjustice.

Ididn'tnoticewhenthegaspingturnedintosomethingelse–IonlyrealizedIwassobbingwhenAlicedraggedmetothelivingroomcouchandpulledmeintoherlap. It was like curling up into a cool stone, but a stone that was contouredcomfortinglytotheshapeofmybody.Sherubbedmybackinagentlerhythm,waitingformetogetcontrolofmyself.

"I'm…sorry,"Iblubbered."I'mjust…sohappy…toseeyou!""It'sokay,Bella.Everything'sokay.""Yes,"Ibawled.And,foronce,itseemedthatway.Alicesighed."I'dforgottenhowexuberantyouare,"shesaid,andhertonewasdisapproving.

Ilookedupatherthroughmystreamingeyes.Alice'sneckwastight,straining

awayfromme,herlipspressedtogetherfirmly.Hereyeswereblackaspitch."Oh," I puffed, as I realized the problem. She was thirsty. And I smelledappetizing. It hadbeenawhile since I'dhad to thinkabout thatkindof thing."Sorry."

"It'smyownfault.It'sbeentoolongsinceIhunted.Ishouldn'tletmyselfgetsothirsty.ButIwasinahurrytoday."Thelookshedirectedatmethenwasaglare."Speakingofwhich,wouldyouliketoexplaintomehowyou'realive?"

That brought me up short and stopped the sobs. I realized what must havehappenedimmediately,andwhyAlicewashere.

Iswallowedloudly."Yousawmefall.""No,"shedisagreed,hereyesnarrowing."Isawyoujump."IpursedmylipsasItriedtothinkofanexplanationthatwouldn'tsoundnuts.

Aliceshookherhead."I toldhimthiswouldhappen,buthedidn'tbelieveme.'Bellapromised,'"hervoiceimitatedhissoperfectlythatIirozeinshockwhilethepainrippedthroughmytorso."'Don'tbelookingforherfuture,either,'"shecontinuedtoquotehim.'"We'vedoneenoughdamage."

"But just because I'm not looking, doesn't mean I don't see" she went on. "Iwasn't keeping tabsonyou, I swear,Bella. It's just that I'malreacy attuned toyou…when I sawyou jumping, Ididn't think, I justgotonaplane. Iknew Iwouldbetoolate,butIcouldn'tdonothing.AndthenIgethere,thinkingmaybeIcouldhelpCharliesomehow,andyoudriveup."Sheshookherhead,thistimeinconfusion.Hervoicewasstrained."IsawyougointothewaterandIwaitedandwaitedforyoutocomeup,butyoudidn't.Whathappened?Andhowcouldyoudothat toCharlie?Didyoustoptothinkwhat thiswoulddotohim?Andmybrother?DoyouhaveanyideawhatEdward–"

Icutheroff then,as soonas she saidhisname. I'd lethergoon,evenafter Irealizedthemisunderstandingshewasunder,justtoheartheperfectbelltoneofhervoice.Butitwastimetointerrupt.

"Alice,Iwasn'tcommittingsuicide."Sheeyedmedubiously."Areyousayingyoudidn'tjumpoffacliff?""No,but…"Igrimaced."Itwasforrecreationalpurposesonly."Herexpressionhardened.

"I'dseensomeofJacob'sfriendscliffdiving,"I insisted."It lookedlike…fun,andIwasbored…"Shewaited.

"Ididn't thinkabouthowthestormwouldaffectthecurrents.Actually,Ididn'tthinkaboutthewatermuchatall."Alice didn't buy it. I could see that she still thought I had been trying to killmyself. I decided to redirect. "So if you saw me go in, why didn't you seeJacob?"Shecockedherheadtotheside,distracted.

Icontinued."It'struethatIprobablywouldhavedrownedifJacobhadn'tjumpedinafterme.Well,okay,there'snoprobablyaboutit.Buthedid,andhepulledmeout,and Iguesshe towedmeback toshore, thoughIwaskindofout for thatpart.Itcouldn'thavebeenmorethanaminutethatIwasunderbeforehegrabbedme.Howcomeyoudidn'tseethat?"

Shefrownedinperplexity."Someonepulledyouout?""Yes.Jacobsavedme."

Iwatched curiously as an enigmatic range of emotions flitted across her face.Somethingwasbotheringher–herimperfectvision?ButIwasn'tsure.Thenshedeliberatelyleanedinandsniffedmyshoulder.

Ifroze."Don'tberidiculous,"shemuttered,sniffingatmesomemore."Whatareyoudoing?"

Sheignoredmyquestion."Whowaswithyououttherejustnow?Itsoundedlikeyouwerearguing.""Jacob Black. He's… sort of my best friend, I guess. At least, he was…" IthoughtofJacob'sangry,betrayedface,andwonderedwhathewastomenow.

Alicenodded,seemingpreoccupied."What?""Idon'tknow,"shesaid."I'mnotsurewhatitmeans.""Well,I'mnotdead,atleast."

Sherolledhereyes."Hewasafooltothinkyoucouldsurvivealone.I'veneverseenanyonesopronetolife-threateningidiocy.""Isurvived,"Ipointedout.Shewasthinkingofsomethingelse."So,ifthecurrentsweretoomuchforyou,howdidthisJacobmanage?"

"Jacobis…strong."Sheheardthereluctanceinmyvoice,andhereyebrowsrose.

Ignawedonmylipforasecond.Wasthisasecret,ornot?Andifitwas,then

whowasmygreatestallegianceto?Jacob,orAlice?Itwastoohardtokeepsecrets,Idecided.Jacobkneweverything,whynotAlice,too?

"See,well,he's…sortofawerewolf,"Iadmittedinarush."TheQuileutesturnintowolveswhen there arevampires around.TheyknowCarlisle froma longtimeago.WereyouwithCarlislebackthen?"

Alicegawkedatmeforamoment,andthenrecoveredherself,blinkingrapidly."Well,Iguessthatexplainsthesmell,"shemuttered."ButdoesitexplainwhatIdidn'tsee?"Shefrowned,herporcelainforeheadcreasing.

"Thesmell?"Irepeated."Yousmellawful,"shesaidabsently,stillfrowning."Awerewolf?Areyousureaboutthat?"

"Verysure,"Ipromised,wincingasIrememberedPaulandJacobfightingintheroad."Iguessyouweren'twithCarlislethelasttimetherewerewerewolveshereinForks?""No.Ihadn'tfoundhimyet."Alicewasstilllostinthought.Suddenly,her eyes widened, and she turned to stare at me with a shocked expression."Yourbestfriendisawerewolf?"

Inoddedsheepishly."Howlonghasthisbeengoingon?"

"Notlong,"Isaid,myvoicesoundingdefensive."He'sonlybeenawerewolfforjustafewweeks."Shegloweredatme."Ayoungwerewolf?Evenworse!Edwardwasright–you'reamagnetfordanger.Weren'tyousupposedtobestayingoutoftrouble?""There'snothingwrongwithwerewolves,"Igrumbled,stungbyhercriticaltone.

"Until they lose their tempers."She shookher head sharply from side to side."Leaveittoyou,Bella.Anyoneelsewouldbebetteroffwhenthevampireslefttown.Butyouhavetostarthangingoutwiththefirstmonstersyoucanfind."

I didn't want to argue with Alice–I was still trembling with joy that she wasreally, truly here, that I could touch hermarble skin and hear herwind-chimevoice–butshehaditallwrong.

"No,Alice,thevampiresdidn'treallyleave–notallofthem,anyway.That'sthewholetrouble.If itweren't for thewerewolves,Victoriawouldhavegottenmebynow.Well, if itweren't forJakeandhisfriends,Laurentwouldhavegottenmebeforeshecould,Iguess,so–"

"Victoria?"shehissed."Laurent?"

Inodded,ateensybitalarmedbytheexpressioninherblackeyes.Ipointedatmychest."Dangermagnet,remember?"Sheshookherheadagain."Tellmeeverything–startatthebeginning."

Iglossedoverthebeginning,skippingthemotorcyclesandthevoices,buttellingher everything else right up to today'smisadventure.Alice didn't likemy thinexplanationaboutboredomandthecliffs,soIhurriedontothestrangeflameI'dseenonthewaterandwhatIthoughtitmeant.Hereyesnarrowedalmosttoslitsat thatpart.Itwasstrangetoseeher lookso…sodangerous–likeavampire.IswallowedhardandwentonwiththerestaboutHarry.

Shelistenedtomystorywithoutinterrupting.Occasionally,shewouldshakeherhead,andthecreaseinherforeheaddeepeneduntilitlookedlikeitwascarvedpermanentlyintothemarbleofherskin.Shedidn'tspeakand,finally,Ifellquiet,struckagainby theborrowedgriefatHarry'spassing. I thoughtofCharlie;hewouldbehomesoon.Whatconditionwouldhebein?

"Ourleavingdidn'tdoyouanygoodatall,didit?"Alicemurmured.Ilaughedonce–itwasaslightlyhystericalsound."Thatwasneverthepoint,though,wasit?It'snotlikeyouleftformybenefit."Alice scowled at the floor for amoment. "Well… I guess I acted impulsivelytoday.Iprobablyshouldn'thaveintruded."

Icouldfeel theblooddrainingfrommyface.Mystomachdropped."Don'tgo,Alice,"Iwhispered.MyfingerslockedaroundthecollarofherwhiteshirtandIbegantohyperventilate."Pleasedon'tleaveme."

Hereyesopenedwider."All right,"shesaid,enunciatingeachwordwithslowprecision."I'mnotgoinganywheretonight.Takeadeepbreath."Itriedtoobey,thoughIcouldn'tquitelocatemylungs.ShewatchedmyfacewhileIconcentratedonmybreathing.ShewaitedtillIwascalmertocomment.

"Youlooklikehell,Bella.""Idrownedtoday,"Iremindedher."Itgoesdeeperthanthat.You'reamess."Iflinched."Look,I'mdoingmybest.""Whatdoyoumean?""Ithasn'tbeeneasy.I'mworkingonit."Shefrowned."Itoldhim,"shesaidtoherself.

"Alice,"Isighed."Whatdidyouthinkyouweregoingtofind?Imean,besides

medead?Didyouexpecttofindmeskippingaroundandwhistlingshowtunes?Youknowmebetterthanthat."

"Ido.ButIhoped.""ThenIguessIdon'thavethecornerontheidiocymarket."Thephonerang.

"Thathas tobeCharlie," I said, staggering tomy feet. IgrabbedAlice's stonehandanddraggedherwithmetothekitchen.Iwasn'tabouttoletheroutofmysight.

"Charlie?" I answered the phone. "No, it's me," Jacob said. "Jake!" Alicescrutinizedmy expression. "Justmaking sure youwere still alive," Jacob saidsourly."I'mfine.Itoldyouthatitwasn't–""Yeah.Igotit.'Bye."Jacobhunguponme.Isighedandletmyheadhangback,staringattheceiling."That'sgoingtobeaproblem."Alicesqueezedmyhand."Theyaren'texcitedI'mhere.""Notespecially.Butit'snoneoftheirbusinessanyway."

Aliceputherarmaroundme."Sowhatdowedonow?"shemused.Sheseemedtotalktoherselfforamoment."Thingstodo.Looseendstotie."

"Whatthingstodo?"Herfacewassuddenlycareful."Idon'tknowforsure…IneedtoseeCarlisle."Wouldsheleavesosoon?Mystomachdropped.

"Couldyoustay?"Ibegged."Please?Forjustalittlewhile.I'vemissedyousomuch."Myvoicebroke.

"Ifyou think that's agood idea."Her eyeswereunhappy. "I do.Youcan stayhere–Charliewould love that.""Ihaveahouse,Bella." Inodded,disappointedbut resigned.Shehesitated, studyingme. "Well, I need togoget a suitcaseofclothes,attheveryleast."Ithrewmyarmsaroundher."Alice,you'rethebest!""And I think I'll need to hunt. Immediately," she added in a strained voice."Oops."Itookastepback.

"Canyoustayoutoftroubleforonehour?"sheaskedskeptically.Then,beforeIcouldanswer,shehelduponefingerandclosedhereyes.Herfacewentsmoothandblankforafewseconds.

And thenhereyesopenedandsheansweredherownquestion."Yes,you'llbefine.Fortonight,anyway."Shegrimaced.Evenmakingfaces,shelookedlikeanangel.

"You'llcomeback?"Iaskedinasmallvoice."Ipromise–onehour."

Iglancedattheclockoverthekitchentable.Shelaughedandleanedinquickly

tokissmeonthecheek.Thenshewasgone.Itookadeepbreath.Alicewouldbeback.Isuddenlyfeltsomuchbetter.

IhadplentytodotokeepmyselfbusywhileIwaited.Ashowerwasdefinitelyfirston theagenda. I sniffedmyshouldersas Iundressed,but Icouldn't smellanythingbut thebrineandseaweedscentof theocean. IwonderedwhatAlicehadmeantaboutmesmellingbad.

WhenIwascleanedup,Iwentbacktothekitchen.Icouldn'tseeanysignsthatCharlie'ladeatenrecently,andhewouldprobablybehungrywhenhegotback.IhummedtunelesslytomyselfasImovedaroundthekitchen.

WhileThursday'scasserolerotatedinthemicrowave,Imadeupthecouchwithsheetsandanoldpillow.Alicewouldn'tneedit,butCharliewouldneedtoseeit.I was careful not to watch the clock. There was no reason to start myselfpanicking;Alicehadpromised.

Ihurriedthroughmydinner,not tastingit–justfeelingtheacheas itsliddownmyrawthroat.MostlyIwasthirsty;ImusthavedrunkahalfgallonofwaterbythetimeIwasfinished.Allthesaltinmysystemhaddehydratedme.

IwenttogotrytowatchTVwhileIwaited.Alicewasalready there, sittingonher improvisedbed.Hereyeswerea liquidbutterscotch.Shesmiledandpattedthepillow."Thanks.""You'reearly,"Isaid,elated.

I sat downnext to her and leanedmy head on her shoulder. She put her coldarmsaroundmeandsighed."Bella.Whatarewegoingtodowithyou?""Idon'tknow,"Iadmitted."Ireallyhavebeentryingmyhardest.""Ibelieveyou."Itwassilent.

"Does–doeshe…"Itookadeepbreath.Itwashardertosayhisnameoutloud,even though I was able to think it now. "Does Edward know you're here?" Icouldn't help asking. It wasmy pain, after all. I'd deal with it when shewasgone,Ipromisedmyself,andfeltsickatthethought.

"No."Therewasonlyoneway that couldbe true. "He's notwithCarlisle andEsme?""Hechecksineveryfewmonths."

"Oh."Hemuststillbeoutenjoyinghisdistractions.Ifocusedmycuriosityonasafertopic."Yousaidyouflewhere…Wheredidyoucomefrom?"

"IwasinDenali.VisitingTanya'sfamily.""IsJasperhere?Didhecomewithyour'"

Sheshookherhead."Hedidn'tapproveofmyinterfering.Wepromised…"shetrailedoff,and thenher tonechanged."Andyou thinkCharliewon'tmindmybeinghere?"sheasked,soundingworried.

"Charliethinksyou'rewonderful,Alice.""Well,we'reabouttofindout."

Sure enough, a few seconds later I heard the cruiser pull into the driveway. Ijumpedupandhurriedtoopenthedoor.

Charlie trudged slowly up thewalk, his eyes on the ground and his shouldersslumped. Iwalked forward tomeet him;hedidn't even seemeuntil I huggedhimaroundthewaist.Heembracedmebackfiercely.

"I'msosorryaboutHarry,Dad.""I'mreallygoingtomisshim,"Charliemumbled."How'sSuedoing?"

"Sheseemsdazed,likeshehasn'tgraspedityet.Sam'sstayingwithher…"Thevolumeofhisvoicefadedinandout."Thosepoorkids.Leah'sjustayearolderthanyou,andSethisonlyfourteen…"Heshookhishead.

Hekepthisarmstightaroundmeashestartedtowardthedooragain."Um,Dad?"IfiguredI'dbetterwarnhim."You'llneverguesswho'shere."

Helookedatmeblankly.Hisheadswiveledaround,andhespiedtheMercedesacrossthestreet,theporchlightreflectingofftheglossyblackpaint.Beforehecouldreact,Alicewasinthedoorway.

"Hi,Charlie,"shesaidinasubduedvoice."I'msorryIcameatsuchabadtime.""AliceCullen?"hepeeredat the slight figure in frontofhimas ifhedoubtedwhathiseyesweretellinghim."Alice,isthatyou?"

"It'sme,"sheconfirmed."Iwasintheneighborhood.""IsCarlisle…?""No,I'malone."

BothAliceandIknewhewasn'treallyaskingaboutCarlisle.Hisarmtightenedovermyshoulder.

"Shecanstayhere,can'tshe?"Ipleaded."Ialreadyaskedher.""Ofcourse,"Charliesaidmechanically."We'dlovetohaveyou,Alice.""Thankyou,Charlie.Iknowit'shorridtiming."

"No, it's fine, really. I'm going to be really busy doingwhat I can forHarry's

family;itwillbeniceforBellatohavesomecompany."

"There'sdinnerforyouonthetable,Dad,"Itoldhim."Thanks, Bell." He gaveme onemore squeeze before he shuffled toward thekitchen.

Alicewentbacktothecouch,andIfollowedher.Thistime,shewastheonetopullmeagainsthershoulder."Youlooktired.""Yeah," I agreed, and shrugged. "Near-death experiences do that tome…So,whatdoesCarlislethinkofyoubeinghere?"

"Hedoesn'tknow.HeandEsmewereonahuntingtrip.I'llhearfromhiminafewdays,whenhegetsback."

"Youwon't tellhim, though…whenhechecks inagain?" Iasked.SheknewIdidn'tmeanCarlislenow.

"No.He'dbitemyheadoff,"Alicesaidgrimly.Ilaughedonce,andthensighed.

Ididn'twanttosleep.IwantedtostayupallnighttalkingtoAlice.Anditdidn'tmakesenseformetobetired,whatwithcrashingonJacob'scouchallday.Butdrowningreallyhad taken a lot out ofme, andmyeyeswouldn't stayopen. Irestedmyheadonherstoneshoulder,anddriftedintoamorepeacefuloblivionthanIhadanyhopeof.

Iwoke early, fromadeep anddreamless sleep, feelingwell-rested, but stiff. Iwason thecouch tuckedunder theblankets I'd laidout forAlice, and I couldhearherandCharlietalkinginthekitchen.ItsoundedlikeCharliewasfixingherbreakfast.

"Howbadwasit,Charlie?"Aliceaskedsoftly,andatfirst I thought theyweretalkingabouttheClearwaters.

Charlie sighed. "Real bad." "Tell me about it. I want to know exactly whathappenedwhenweleft."

Therewasapausewhileacupboarddoorwasclosedandadialonthestovewasclickedoff.Iwaited,cringing.

"I've never felt so helpless,"Charlie began slowly. "I didn't knowwhat to do.Thatfirstweek–IthoughtIwasgoingtohavetohospitalizeher.Shewouldn'teator drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like'catatonic,'butIdidn'tlethimuptoseeher.Iwasafraiditwouldscareher."

"Shesnappedoutofitthough?"

"IhadReneecometotakehertoFlorida.Ijustdidn'twanttobetheone…ifshehadtogotoahospitalorsomething.Ihopedbeingwithhermotherwouldhelp.Butwhenwe startedpackingher clothes, shewokeupwith a vengeance. I'veneverseenBella throwafit likethat.Shewasneveronefor thetantrums,but,boy,didsheflyintoafury.Shethrewherclotheseverywhereandscreamedthatwe couldn'tmake her leave–and then she finally started crying. I thought thatwouldbe the turningpoint. Ididn't arguewhenshe insistedon stayinghere…andshedidseemtogetbetteratfirst…"

Charlie trailed off. It was hard listening to this, knowing howmuch pain I'dcausedhim."But?"Aliceprompted.

"Shewentbacktoschoolandwork,sheateandsleptanddidherhomework.Sheansweredwhensomeoneaskedheradirectquestion.Butshewas…empty.Hereyeswere blank. Therewere lots of little things–shewouldn't listen tomusicanymore; I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. She didn't read; shewouldn'tbe in thesameroomwhentheTVwason,not thatshewatcheditsomuch before. I finally figured it out–she was avoiding everything that mightremindherof…him.

"We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that wouldupset her–the littlest thingswouldmake her flinch–and she never volunteeredanything.ShewouldjustanswerifIaskedhersomething.

"Shewasaloneall thetime.Shedidn'tcallherfriendsback,andafterawhile,theystoppedcalling."Itwas night of the living dead around here. I still hear her screaming in hersleep…"Icouldalmostseehimshuddering.Ishuddered,too,remembering.AndthenIsighed.Ihadn'tfooledhimatall,notforonesecond."I'msosorry,Charlie,"Alicesaid,voiceglum."It's not your fault." The way he said it made it perfectly clear that he washoldingsomeoneresponsible."Youwerealwaysagoodfriendtoher.""Sheseemsbetternow,though."

"Yeah.EversinceshestartedhangingoutwithJacobBlack,I'venoticedarealimprovement.Shehas some color in her cheekswhen she comeshome, somelightinhereyes.She'shappier."Hepaused,andhisvoicewasdifferentwhenhespokeagain."He'sayearorsoyoungerthanher,andIknowsheusedtothinkofhim as a friend, but I think maybe it's something more now, or headed thatdirection,anyway."Charliesaidthisinatonethatwasalmostbelligerent.Itwas

awarning,notforAlice,butforhertopassalong."Jake'soldforhisyears,"hecontinued,stillsoundingdefensive."He'stakencareofhisfatherphysicallythewayBella took care of hermother emotionally. Itmatured him.He's a good-looking kid, too–takes after his mom's side. He's good for Bella, you know,"Charlieinsisted.

"Thenit'sgoodshehashim,"Aliceagreed.

Charlie sighedout a big gust of air, folding quickly to the lack of opposition."Okay,soIguessthat'soverstatingthings.Idon'tknow…evenwithJacob,nowand then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped howmuch pain she's really in It's not normal,Alice, and it… it frightensme.Notnormal at all.Not like someone… left her, but like someone died."His voicecracked.

Itwaslikesomeonehaddied–likeIhaddied.Becauseithadbeenmorethanjustlosingthetruestoftrueloves,asif thatwerenotenoughtokillanyone.Itwasalsolosingawholefuture,awholefamily–thewholelifethatI'dchosen…

Charliewentoninahopelesstone."Idon'tknowifshe'sgoingtogetoverit–I'mnotsureifit'sinhernaturetohealfromsomethinglikethis.She'salwaysbeensuchaconstantlittlething.Shedoesn'tgetpastthings,changehermind."

"She's one of a kind," Alice agreed in a dry voice. "And Alice…" Charliehesitated."Now,youknowhowfondIamofyou,andIcantellthatshe'shappytoseeyou,but…I'malittleworriedaboutwhatyourvisitwilldotoher."

"SoamI,Charlie,soamI.Iwouldn'thavecomeifI'dhadanyidea.I'msorry.""Don'tapologize,honey.Whoknows?Maybe itwillbegoodforher.""Ihopeyou'reright."

There was a long break while forks scraped plates and Charlie chewed. IwonderedwhereAlicewashidingthefood.

"Alice,Ihavetoaskyousomething,"Charliesaidawkwardly.Alicewascalm."Goahead."

"He'snotcomingbacktovisit,too,ishe?"IcouldhearthesuppressedangerinCharlie'svoice.Aliceansweredinasoft,reassuringtone."Hedoesn'tevenknowI'mhere.ThelasttimeIspokewithhim,hewasinSouthAmerica."

IstiffenedasIheardthisnewinformation,andlistenedharder."That's something, at least." Charlie snorted. "Well, I hope he's enjoying

himself."

For the first time, Alice's voice had a bit of steel in it. "I wouldn't makeassumptions, Charlie." I knew how her eyes would flash when she used thattone.

A chair scooted from the table, scraping loudly across the floor. I picturedCharliegettingup;therewasnowayAlicewouldmakethatkindofnoise.Thefaucetran,splashingagainstadish.

It didn't sound like theywere going to say anythingmore aboutEdward, so Idecideditwastimetowakeup.

Iturnedover,bouncingagainstthespringstomakethemsqueak.ThenIyawnedloudly.Allwasquietinthekitchen.Istretchedandgroaned."Alice?"Iaskedinnocently;thesorenessraspinginmythroataddednicelytothecharade.

"I'minthekitchen,Bella,"Alicecalled,nohintinhervoicethatshesuspectedmyeavesdropping.Butshewasgoodathidingthingslikethat.

Charlie had to leave then–he was helping Sue Clearwater with the funeralarrangements. It would have been a very long day without Alice. She neverspokeaboutleaving,andIdidn'taskher.Iknewitwasinevitable,butIputitoutofmymind.

Instead,wetalkedaboutherfamily–allbutone.

Carlislewasworkingnights in Ithaca and teachingpart timeatCornell.Esmewasrestoringaseventeenthcenturyhouse,ahistoricalmonument,intheforestnorthofthecity.EmmettandRosaliehadgonetoEuropeforafewmonthsonanother honeymoon, but they were back now. Jasper was at Cornell, too,studying philosophy this time. And Alice had been doing some personalresearch, concerning the information I'd accidentally uncovered for her lastspring. She'd successfully tracked down the asylumwhere she'd spent the lastyearsofherhumanlife.Thelifeshehadnomemoryof.

"MynamewasMaryAliceBrandon,"she toldmequietly."Ihada littlesisternamedCynthia.Herdaughter–myniece–isstillaliveinBiloxi.""Didyoufindoutwhytheyputyouin…thatplace?"Whatwoulddriveparentstothatextreme?Eveniftheirdaughtersawvisionsofthefuture…

Shejustshookherhead,hertopazeyesthoughtful."Icouldn'tfindmuchaboutthem. Iwent through all the old newspapers onmicrofiche.My familywasn't

mentionedoften;theyweren'tpartofthesocialcirclethatmadethepapers.Myparents'engagementwas there,andCynthia's."Thenamefelluncertainlyfromhertongue."Mybirthwasannounced…andmydeath.Ifoundmygrave.Ialsofilched my admissions sheet from the old asylum archives. The date on theadmissionandthedateonmytombstonearethesame."

I didn't knowwhat to say, and, after a short pause,Alicemoved on to lightertopics.

TheCullenswerereassemblednow,withtheoneexception,spendingCornell'sspringbreakinDenaliwithTanyaandherfamily.Ilistenedtooeagerlytoeventhemosttrivialnews.ShenevermentionedtheoneIwasmostinterestedin,andforthatIwasgrateful.ItwasenoughtolistentothestoriesofthefamilyI'doncedreamedofbelongingto.

Charliedidn'tgetbackuntilafterdark,andhelookedmorewornthanhehadthenight before. He would be headed back to the reservation first thing in themorning forHarry's funeral, so he turned in early. I stayedon the couchwithAliceagain.Charliewasalmostastrangerwhenhecamedownthestairsbeforethesunwasup,wearing an old suit I'd never seen him in before.The jacket hungopen; Iguessed it was too tight to fasten the buttons. His tie was a bit wide for thecurrent style. He tiptoed to the door, trying not to wake us up. I let him go,pretendingtosleep,asAlicedidontherecliner.

As soon as hewas out the door, Alice sat up. Under the quilt, shewas fullydressed. "So,what arewedoing today?" she asked. "I don't know–doyou seeanything interestinghappening?"Shesmiledandshookherhead."But it'sstillearly."

All the time I'd been spending in La Push meant a pile of things I'd beenneglecting at home, and I decided to catch up onmy chores. I wanted to dosomething, anything that might make life easier for Charlie–maybe it wouldmake him feel just a little better to comehome to a clean, organized house. Istartedwiththebathroom–itshowedthemostsignsofneglect.

While I worked, Alice leaned against the doorjamb and asked nonchalantquestionsaboutmy,well,ourhighschoolfriendsandwhattheybeenuptosinceshe'dleft.Herfacestayedcasualandemotionless,butIsensedherdisapprovalwhen she realized how little I could tell her. Or maybe I just had a guiltyconscience after eavesdropping on her conversation with Charlie yesterdaymorning.

Iwas literally up tomy elbows inComet, scrubbing the floor of the bathtub,whenthedoorbellrang.I looked toAlice at once, and her expressionwas perplexed, almost worried,whichwasstrange;Alicewasnevertakenbysurprise."Holdon!" I shouted in thegeneraldirectionof the frontdoor,gettingupandhurryingtothesinktorinsemyarmsoff."Bella,"Alicesaidwithatraceoffrustrationinhervoice,"Ihaveafairlygoodguesswhothatmightbe,andIthinkI'dbetterstepout.""Guess?" I echoed.SincewhendidAlicehave toguessanything?"If this is arepeatofmyegregious lapse in foresightyesterday, then it'smost likelyJacobBlackoroneofhis…friends."

I stared at her, putting it together. "Youcan't seewerewolves?"Shegrimaced."Soitwouldseem."Shewasobviouslyannoyedbythisfact–veryannoyed.Thedoorbellrangagain–buzzingtwicequicklyandimpatiently."Youdon'thavegoanywhere,Alice.Youwereherefirst."

Shelaughedhersilverylittlelaugh–ithadadarkedge."Trustme–itwouldn'tbeagoodideatohavemeandJacobBlackinaroomtogether."ShekissedmycheekswiftlybeforeshevanishedthroughCharlie'sdoor–andouthisbackwindow,nodoubt.Thedoorbellrangagain.

18.THEFUNERALISPRINTEDDOWNTHESTAIRSANDTHREWTHEDOORopen.ItwasJacob,ofcourse.Evenblind,Alicewasn'tslow.

Hewasstandingaboutsixfeetbackfromthedoor,hisnosewrinkledindistaste,buthisfaceotherwisesmooth–masklike.Hedidn'tfoolme;Icouldseethefainttremblingofhishands.Hostilityrolledoffofhiminwaves.Itbroughtbackthatawful afternoon when he'd chosen Sam over me, and I felt my chin jerk updefensivelyinresponse.

Jacob'sRabbitidledbythecurbwithJaredbehindthewheelandEmbryinthepassengerseat.Iunderstoodwhatthismeant: theywereafraidtolethimcomeherealone.Itmademesad,andalittleannoyed.TheCullensweren'tlikethat.

"Hey,"Ifinallysaidwhenhedidn'tspeak.Jakepursedhislips,stillhangingbackfromthedoor.Hiseyesflickeredacrossthefrontofthehouse.

Igroundmyteeth."She'snothere.Doyouneedsomething?"

Hehesitated."You'realone?""Yes."Isighed."CanItalktoyouaminute?""Ofcourseyoucan,Jacob.Comeonin."

Jacobglancedoverhisshoulderathisfriendsinthecar.IsawEmbryshakehisheadjustatinybit.Forsomereason,thisbuggedmetonoend.Myteethclenchedtogetheragain."Chicken"Imumbledundermybreath.

Jake's eyes flashed back tome, his thick, black brows pushing into a furiousangle over his deep-set eyes.His jaw set, andhemarched–therewasnootherwaytodescribethewayhemoved–upthesidewalkandshruggedpastmeintothehouse.

I lockedgazeswith first Jaredand thenEmbry–Ididn't like thehardway theyeyedme;didtheyreallythinkIwouldletanythinghurtJacob?–beforeIshutthedooronthem.

Jacobwas in the hall behindme, staring at themess of blankets in the livingroom."Slumberparty?"heasked,histonesarcastic."Yeah,"Iansweredwiththesamelevelofacid.Ididn'tlikeJacobwhenheactedthisway."What'sittoyou?"

Hewrinkledhisnoseagainlikehesmelledsomethingunpleasant."Where'syour'friend'?"Icouldhearthequotationmarksinhistone."Shehadsomeerrandstorun.Look,Jacob,whatdoyouwant?"

Something about the room seemed to make him edgier–his long arms werequivering.Hedidn'tanswermyquestion.Insteadhemovedontothekitchen,hisrestlesseyesdartingeverywhere.

Ifollowedhim.Hepacedbackandforthalongtheshortcounter."Hey,"Isaid,puttingmyself inhisway.He stoppedpacingand stareddownatme. "What'syourproblem?"

"Idon'tlikehavingtobehere."Thatstung.Iwinced,andhiseyestightened.

"ThenI'msorryyouhadtocome,"Imuttered."Whydon'tyoutellmewhatyouneedsoyoucanleave?""Ijusthavetoaskyouacoupleofquestions.Itshouldn'ttakelong.Wehavetogetbackforthefuneral."

"Okay.Getitoverwiththen."Iwasprobablyoverdoingitwiththeantagonism,

butIdidn'twanthimtoseehowmuchthishurt.IknewIwasn'tbeingfair.Afterall,I'dpickedthebloodsuckeroverhimlastnight.I'dhurthimfirst.

He took adeepbreath, andhis trembling fingerswere suddenly still.His facesmoothedintoaserenemask.

"OneoftheCullensisstayingherewithyou,"hestated."Yes.AliceCullen."Henoddedthoughtfully."Howlongissheherefor?"

"Aslongasshewantstobe."Thebelligerencewasstillthereinmytone."It'sanopeninvitation."

"Do you think you could… please… explain to her about the other one–Victoria?"Ipaled."Itoldheraboutthat."

He nodded. "You should know thatwe can onlywatch our own landswith aCullenhere.You'llonlybesafeinLaPush.Ican'tprotectyouhereanymore."

"Okay,"Isaidinasmallvoice.Helookedawaythen,outthebackwindows.Hedidn'tcontinue."Isthatall?"Hekepthiseyesontheglassasheanswered."Justonemorething."Iwaited,buthedidn'tcontinue."Yes?"Ifinallyprompted.

"Are the rest of them coming back now?" he asked in a cool, quiet voice. Itreminded me of Sam's always calm manner. Jacob was becoming more likeSam…Iwonderedwhythatbotheredmesomuch.

Now Ididn't speak.He lookedbackatmy facewithprobingeyes. "Well?"heasked.Hestruggledtoconcealthetensionbehindhissereneexpression."No."Isaid finally. Grudgingly. "They aren't coming back." His expression didn'tchange."Okay.That'sall."

Iglaredathim,annoyancerekindled."Well,runalongnow.GotellSamthatthescarymonstersaren'tcomingtogetyou.""Okay,"herepeated,stillcalm.

Thatseemedtobeit.Jacobwalkedswiftlyfromthekitchen.Iwaitedtohearthefront door open, but I heard nothing. I could hear the clock over the stoveticking,andImarveledagainathowquiethe'dbecome.

Whatadisaster.HowcouldIhavealienatedhimsocompletelyinsuchashortamountoftime?WouldheforgivemewhenAlicewasgone?Whatifhedidn't?

Islumpedagainstthecounterandburiedmyfaceinmyhands.HowhadImade

such amess of everything? But what could I have done differently? Even inhindsight,Icouldn'tthinkofanybetterway,anyperfectcourseofaction.

"Bella…?"Jacobaskedinatroubledvoice.

IpulledmyfaceoutofmyhandstoseeJacobhesitatinginthekitchendoorway;hehadn'tleftwhenI'dthought.ItwasonlywhenIsawthecleardropssparklinginmyhandsthatIrealizedIwascrying.

Jacob'scalmexpressionwasgone;hisfacewasanxiousandunsure.Hewalkedquickly back to stand in front ofme, ducking his head so that his eyes wereclosertobeingonthesamelevelwithmine.

"Did it again, didn't I?" "Did what?" I asked,my voice cracking. "Brokemypromise.Sorry.""'S'okay,"Imumbled."Istarteditthistime."

Hisfacetwisted."Iknewhowyoufeltaboutthem.Itshouldn'thavetakenmebysurpriselikethat."

Icouldseetherevulsioninhiseyes.IwantedtoexplaintohimwhatAlicewasreallylike,todefendheragainstthejudgmentshe'dmade,butsomethingwarnedmethatnowwasnotthetime.

SoIjustsaid,"Sorry,"again."Let'snotworryaboutit,okay?She'sjustvisiting,right?She'llleave,andthingswillgobacktonormal.""Can'tIbefriendswithyoubothatthesametime?"Iasked,myvoicenothidinganounceofthehurtIfelt.Heshookhisheadslowly."No,Idon'tthinkyoucan."Isniffedandstaredathisbig feet. "But you'll wait, right?You'll still bemy friend, even though I loveAlice,too?"I didn't look up, afraid to see what he'd think of that last part. It took him aminutetoanswer,soIwasprobablyrightnottolook.

"Yeah, I'll alwaysbeyour friend,"hesaidgruffly. "Nomatterwhatyou love.""Promise?""Promise."I felt his armswind aroundme, and I leaned against his chest, still sniffling."Thissucks.""Yeah."Thenhesniffedmyhairandsaid,"Ew."

"What?"Idemanded.Ilookeduptoseethathisnosewaswrinkledagain."Whydoeseveryonekeepdoingthattome?Idon'tsmell!"

Hesmileda little. "Yes,youdo–yousmell like them.Blech.Too sweet–sicklysweet.And…icy.Itburnsmynose."

"Really?"Thatwasstrange.Alicesmelledunbelievablywonderful.Toahuman,anyway."ButwhywouldAlicethinkIsmelled,too,then?"

Thatwiped his smile away. "Huh.Maybe I don't smell so good to her, either.Huh."

"Well, you both smell fine tome." I restedmyhead against him again. Iwasgoingtomisshimterriblywhenhewalkedoutmydoor.Itwasanastycatch-22–on the one hand, I wanted Alice to stay forever. I was going to die–metaphorically–whensheleftme.ButhowwasIsupposedtogowithoutseeingJakeforanylengthoftime?Whatamess,Ithoughtagain.

"I'llmiss you," Jacobwhispered, echoingmy thoughts. "Everyminute. I hopesheleavessoon.""Itreallydoesn'thavetobethatway,Jake."

He sighed. "Yes, it really does. Bella. You… love her. So I'd better not getanywherenearher. I'mnot sure that I'meven-temperedenough tohandle that.Samwould bemad if I broke the treaty, and"–his voice turned sarcastic–"youprobablywouldn'tlikeittoomuchifIkilledyourfriend."

Irecoiledfromhimwhenhesaidthat,butheonlytightenedhisarms,refusingtoletmeescape."There'snopointinavoidingthetruth.That'sthewaythingsare,Bells.""Idonotlikethewaythingsare."Jacobfreedonearmsothathecouldcuphisbigbrownhandundermychinandmakeme lookathim. "Yeah. Itwaseasierwhenwewerebothhuman,wasn'tit?"Isighed.

Westaredateachotherforalongmoment.Hishandsmolderedagainstmyskin.Inmyface,Iknewtherewasnothingbutwistfulsadness–Ididn'twanttohavetosay goodbye now, no matter for how short a time. At first his face reflectedmine,butthen,asneitherofuslookedaway,hisexpressionchanged.

He releasedme, liftinghis other hand to brushhis fingertips alongmy cheek,trailing themdown tomy jaw. I could feel his fingers tremble–notwith angerthis time.Hepressedhispalmagainstmycheek, so thatmy facewas trappedbetweenhisburninghands.

"Bella,"hewhispered.Iwasfrozen.

No!Ihadn'tmadethisdecisionyet.Ididn'tknowifIcoulddothis,andnowI

wasoutoftimetothink.ButIwouldhavebeenafoolifIthoughtrejectinghimnowwouldhavenoconsequences.Istaredbackathim.HewasnotmyJacob,buthecouldbe.Hisfacewasfamiliarandbeloved.Insomanyrealways,Ididlovehim.Hewasmycomfort,mysafeharbor.Rightnow,Icouldchoosetohavehimbelongtome.

Alicewasbackforthemoment,butthatchangednothing.Truelovewasforeverlost.Theprincewasnevercomingback tokissmeawake frommyenchantedsleep.Iwasnotaprincess,afterall.Sowhatwasthefairy-taleprotocolforotherkisses?Themundanekindthatdidn'tbreakanyspells?

Maybe itwouldbe easy–likeholdinghis handor havinghis arms aroundme.Maybeitwouldfeelnice.Maybeitwouldn't feel likeabetrayal.Besides,whowasIbetraying,anyway?Justmyself.

Keepinghiseyesonmine,Jacobbegantobendhisfacetowardme.AndIwasstillabsolutelyundecided.

Theshrillringofthephonemadeusbothjump,butitdidnotbreakhisfocus.Hetookhishandfromundermychinandreachedovermetograbthereceiver,butstillheldmyfacesecurelywiththehandagainstmycheek.Hisdarkeyesdidnotfreemine.Iwastoomuddledtoreact,eventotakeadvantageofthedistraction.

"Swanresidence,"Jacobsaid,hishuskyvoicelowandintense.

Someoneanswered,andJacobalteredinaninstant.Hestraightenedup,andhishanddroppedfrommyface.Hiseyeswentflat,hisfaceblank,andIwouldhavebetthemeaslyremainderofmycollegefandthatitwasAlice.

Irecoveredmyselfandheldoutmyhandforthephone.Jacobignoredme."He'snothere,"Jacobsaid,andthewordsweremenacing.

There was some very short reply, a request for more information it seemed,becauseheaddedunwillingly,"He'satthefuneral."Then Jacob hung up the phone. "Filthy bloodsucker," he muttered under hisbreath.Thefaceheturnedbacktomewasthebittermaskagain.

"Whodidyoujusthangupon?"Igasped,infuriated."Inmyhouse,andonmyphone?""Easy!Hehunguponme!""He?Whowasit?!"Hesneeredthetitle."Dr.CarlisleCullen.""Whydidn'tyouletmetalktohim?!"

"Hedidn'taskforyou,"Jacobsaidcoldly.Hisfacewassmooth,expressionless,

buthishandsshook."HeaskedwhereCharliewasandItoldhim.Idon'tthinkIbrokeanyrulesofetiquette."

"Youlistentome,JacobBlack–"

But he obviously wasn't listening. He looked quickly over his shoulder, as ifsomeonehadcalledhisnamefromtheotherroom.Hiseyeswentwideandhisbody stiff, then he started trembling. I listened too, automatically, but heardnothing.

"Bye,Bells,"hespitout,andwheeledtowardthefrontdoor.Iranafterhim."Whatisit?"

AndthenIranintohim,asherockedbackonhisheels,cussingunderhisbreath.Hespunaroundagain,knockingmesideways.Ibobbledandfelltothefloor,mylegstangledwithhis.

"Shoot,ow!"Iprotestedashehurriedlyjerkedhislegsfreeoneatatime.Istruggledtopullmyselfupashedartedfor thebackdoor;hesuddenlyfrozeagain.Alicestoodmotionlessatthefootofthestairs."Bella,"shechoked.

I scrambled tomy feet and lurched to her side. Her eyeswere dazed and faraway,herfacedrawnandwhiterthanbone.Herslimbodytrembledtoaninnerturmoil.

"Alice,what'swrong?"Icried.Iputmyhandsonherface, tryingtocalmher.Hereyesfocusedonmineabruptly,widewithpain."Edward,"wasallshewhispered.

Mybodyreactedfasterthanmymindwasabletocatchupwiththeimplicationsofherreply.Ididn'tatfirstunderstandwhytheroomwasspinningorwherethehollow roar in my ears was coming from.Mymind labored, unable tomakesenseofAlice'sbleakfaceandhowitcouldpossiblyrelatetoEdward,whilemybody was already swaying, seeking the relief of unconsciousness before therealitycouldhitme.

Thestairwaytiltedattheoddestangle.Jacob'sfuriousvoicewassuddenlyinmyear,hissingoutastreamofprofanities.Ifeltavaguedisapproval.Hisnewfriendswereclearlyabadinfluence.Iwason thecouchwithoutunderstandinghowIgot there,andJacobwasstillswearing.Itfeltliketherewasanearthquake–thecouchwasshakingunderme.

"Whatdidyoudotoher?"hedemanded.Aliceignoredhim."Bella?Bella,snap

out of it.We have to hurry." "Stay back," Jacobwarned. "Calm down, JacobBlack,"Aliceordered."Youdon'twanttodothatsoclosetoher."

"Idon'tthinkI'llhaveanyproblemkeepingmyfocus,"heretorted,buthisvoicesoundedalittlecooler.

"Alice?"Myvoicewasweak."Whathappened?" Iasked,even thoughIdidn'twanttohear."Idon'tknow,"shesuddenlywailed."Whatishethinking?!"

Ilaboredtopullmyselfupdespitethedizziness.IrealizeditwasJacob'sarmIwasgrippingforbalance.Hewastheoneshaking,notthecouch.Alicewaspullingasmallsilverphonefromherbagwhenmyeyesrelocatedher.Herfingersdialedthenumberssofasttheywereablur."Rose, I need to talk toCarlislenow."Her voicewhipped through thewords."Fine,assoonashe'sback.No,I'llbeonaplane.Look,haveyouheardanythingfromEdward?"Alicepausednow,listeningwithanexpressionthatgrewmoreappalledeverysecond.HermouthopenedintoalittleOofhorror,andthephoneshookinherhand.

"Why?"shegasped."Whywouldyoudo that,Rosalie?"Whatever theanswerwas,itmadeherjawtighteninanger.Hereyesflashedandnarrowed.

"Well, you're wrong on both counts, though, Rosalie, so that would be aproblem,don'tyouthink?"sheaskedacidly."Yes, that's right.She'sabsolutelyfine–Iwaswrong… It's a long story…But you'rewrong about that part, too,that'swhyI'mcalling…Yes,that'sexactlywhatIsaw."

Alice'svoicewasveryhardandherlipswerepulledbackfromherteeth."It'sabit late for that,Rose.Saveyour remorse for someonewhobelieves it."Alicesnappedthephoneshutwithasharptwistofherfingers.

Hereyesweretorturedassheturnedtofaceme.

"Alice,"Iblurtedoutquickly.Icouldn'tletherspeakyet.Ineededafewmoreseconds before she spoke and her words destroyed what was left of my life."Alice,Carlisleisback,though.Hecalledjustbefore…"

Shestaredatmeblankly."Howlongago?"sheaskedinahollowvoice."Halfaminute before you showed up." "What did he say?" She really focused now,waitingformyanswer."Ididn'ttalktohim."MyeyesflickeredtoJacob.

Aliceturnedherpenetratinggazeonhim.Heflinched,butheldhisplacenexttome.Hesitawkwardly,almostasifheweretryingtoshieldmewithhisbody.

"He asked for Charlie, and I told him Charlie wasn't here," Jacob muttered

resentfully."Isthateverything?"Alicedemanded,hervoicelikeice.

"Then he hung up on me," Jacob spit back. A tremor rolled down his spine,shakingmewithit.

"YoutoldhimCharliewasatthefuneral,"Iremindedhim.Alicejerkedherheadbacktowardme"Whatwerehisexactwords?"

"Hesaid,'He'snothere,'andwhenCarlisleaskedwhereCharliewas,Jacobsaid,'Atthefuneral.'"

Alicemoanedandsanktoherknees."TellmeAlice,"Iwhispered."Thatwasn'tCarlisleonthephone,"shesaidhopelessly."Areyoucallingmealiar?"Jacobsnarledfrombesideme.Aliceignoredhim,focusingonmybewilderedface."It was Edward." The words were just a choked whisper. "He thinks you'redead."

Mymindstartedtoworkagain.Thesewordsweren'ttheonesI'dbeenafraidof,andthereliefclearedmyhead.

"RosalietoldhimIkilledmyself,didn'tshe?"Isaid,sighingasIrelaxed."Yes,"Aliceadmitted,hereyesflashinghardagain.

"In her defense, she did believe it. They rely on my sight far too much forsomethingthatworkssoimperfectly.Butforhertotrackhimdowntotellhimthis!Didn'tsherealize…orcare…?"Hervoicefadedawayinhorror.

"AndwhenEdwardcalledhere,hethoughtJacobmeantmyfuneral,"Irealized.ItstungtoknowhowcloseI'dbeen,justinchesawayfromhisvoice.MynailsdugintoJacob'sarm,buthedidn'tflinch.Alicelookedatmestrangely."You'renotupset,"shewhispered.

"Well,it'sreallyrottentiming,butitwillallgetstraightenedout.Thenexttimehe calls, someone will tell him… what… really…" I trailed off. Her gazestrangledthewordsinmythroat.

Whywasshesopanicked?Whywasherfacetwistingnowwithpityandhorror?Whatwas it shehad said toRosalieon thephone just now?Something aboutwhatshe'dseen…andRosalie'sremorse;Rosaliewouldneverfeelremorseforanythingthathappenedtome.Butifshe'dhurtherfamily,hurtherbrother…

"Bella,"Alicewhispered."Edwardwon'tcallagain.Hebelievedher.""I.Don't.Understand."Mymouthframedeachwordinsilence.Icouldn'tpushtheairout

toactuallysaythewordsthatwouldmakeherexplainwhatthatmeant.

"He'sgoingtoItaly."Ittookthelengthofoneheartbeatformetocomprehend.

WhenEdward'svoicecamebacktomenow,itwasnottheperfectimitationofmy delusions. Itwas just theweak, flat tone ofmymemories.But thewordsalonewereenoughtoshredthroughmychestandleaveitgapingopen.WordsfromatimewhenIwouldhavebeteverythingthatIownedorcouldborrowonthatfactthathelovedme.

Well, Iwasn'tgoing to livewithout you , he'd said aswewatchedRomeoandJulietdie,hereinthisveryroom.ButIwasn'tsurehowtodoit…IknewEmmettandJasperwouldneverhelp…soIwasthinkingmaybeIwouldgotoItalyanddo something to provoke theVolturi…You don't irritate them.Not unless youwanttodie.

Notunlessyouwanttodie.

"NO!"Thehalf-shriekeddenialwassoloudafterthewhisperedwords,itmadeus all jump. I felt the blood rushing tomy face as I realizedwhat she'd seen."No!No,no,no!Hecan't!Hecan'tdothat!"

"Hemadeuphismindassoonasyourfriendconfirmedthat itwas too late tosaveyou.""Buthe…heleft!Hedidn'twantmeanymore!Whatdifferencedoesitmakenow?HeknewIwoulddiesometime!""Idon'tthinkheeverplannedtooutliveyoubylong,"Alicesaidquietly.

"Howdarehe!"Iscreamed.Iwasonmyfeetnow,andJacobroseuncertainlytoputhimselfbetweenAliceandmeagain."Oh,getoutoftheway,Jacob!"Ielbowedmywayaroundhistremblingbodywithdesperate impatience."Whatdowedo?"IbeggedAlice.Therehad tobesomething."Can'twecallhim?CanCarlisle?"

Shewasshakingherhead."ThatwasthefirstthingItried.HelefthisphoneinatrashcaninRio–someoneansweredit…"shewhispered.

"Yousaidbeforewehadtohurry.Hurryhow?Let'sdoit,whateveritis!""Bella,I–Idon'tthinkIcanaskyouto…"Shetrailedoffinindecision."Askme!"Icommanded.

She put her hands onmy shoulders, holdingme in place, her fingers flexingsporadically to emphasize herwords. "Wemay alreadybe too late. I sawhimgoing to theVolturi…andasking todie."Webothcringed,andmyeyesweresuddenly blind. I blinked feverishly at the tears. "It all depends onwhat they

choose.Ican'tseethattilltheymakeadecision.

"Butiftheysayno,andtheymight–AroisfondofCarlisle,andwouldn'twanttooffendhim–Edwardhasabackupplan.They'reveryprotectiveof theircity. IfEdwarddoessomethingtoupsetthepeace,hethinksthey'llacttostophim.Andhe'sright.Theywill."

I stared at herwithmy jaw clenched in frustration. I'd heard nothing yet thatwouldexplainwhywewerestillstandinghere.

"Soiftheyagreetogranthisfavor,we'retoolate.Iftheysayno,andhecomesupwithaplantooffendthemquicklyenough,we'retoolate.Ifhegivesintohismoretheatricaltendencies…wemighthavetime."

"Let'sgo!"

"Listen, Bella!Whetherwe are in time or not,wewill be in the heart of theVolturicity.Iwillbeconsideredhisaccompliceifheissuccessful.Youwillbeahumanwhonotonlyknowstoomuch,butalsosmellstoogood.There'saverygood chance that they will eliminate us all–though in your case it won't bepunishmentsomuchasdinnertime."

"This is what's keeping us here?" I asked in disbelief. "I'll go alone if you'reafraid."Imentallytabulatedwhatmoneywasleftinmyaccount,andwonderedifAlicewouldlendmetherest.

"I'monlyafraidofgettingyoukilled."Isnortedindisgust."Ialmostgetmyselfkilledonadailybasis!TellmewhatIneedtodo!""YouwriteanotetoCharlie.I'llcalltheairlines.""Charlie,"Igasped.Not thatmypresencewasprotectinghim,but could I leavehimhere alone toface…

"I'mnotgoing to letanythinghappen toCharlie." Jacob's lowvoicewasgruffandangry."Screwthetreaty."

Iglancedupathim,andhescowledatmypanickedexpression."Hurry,Bella,"Aliceinterruptedurgently.

Irantothekitchen,yankingthedrawersopenandthrowingthecontentsalloverthefloorasIsearchedforapen.Asmooth,brownhandheldoneouttome."Thanks,"Imumbled,pullingthecapoffwithmyteeth.Hesilentlyhandedmethepadofpaperwewrotephonemessageson.Itoreoffthetopsheetandthrewitovermyshoulder.Dad,Iwrote.I'mwithAlice.Edward'sintrouble.Youcan

groundmewhenIgetback.Iknowit'sabadtime.Sosorry.Loveyousomuch.Bella."Don'tgo,"Jacobwhispered.TheangerwasallgonenowthatAlicewasoutofsight.

Iwasn'tabouttowastetimearguingwithhim."Please,please,pleasetakecareofCharlie,"IsaidasIdashedbackouttothefrontroom.Alicewaswaitinginthedoorwaywithabagoverhershoulder.

"Getyourwallet–you'llneedID.Pleasetellmeyouhaveapassport.Idon'thavetimetoforgeone."

I nodded and then raced up the stairs,my kneesweakwith gratitude thatmymotherhadwantedtomarryPhilonabeachinMexico.Ofcourse,likeallherplans, it had fallen through. But not before I'd made all the practicalarrangementsIcouldforher.

Itorethroughmyroom.Istuffedmyoldwallet,acleanT-shirt,andsweatpantsintomybackpack,and then threwmy toothbrushon top. Ihurledmyselfbackdownthestairs.Thesenseofdejavuwasnearlystiflingbythispoint.Atleast,unlike the last time–when I'd run away fromForks toescape thirsty vampiresratherthantofindthem–Iwouldn'thavetosaygoodbyetoCharlieinperson.

JacobandAlicewerelockedinsomekindofconfrontationinfrontoftheopendoor,standingsofarapartyouwouldn'tassumeatfirstthattheywerehavingaconversation.Neitheroneseemedtonoticemynoisyreappearance.

"Youmightcontrolyourselfonoccasion,buttheseleechesyou'retakingherto–"Jacobwasfuriouslyaccusingher.

"Yes. You're right, dog." Alice was snarling, too. "The Volturi are the veryessenceofourkind–they'rethereasonyourhairstandsonendwhenyousmellme.Theyarethesubstanceofyournightmares,thedreadbehindyourinstincts.I'mnotunawareofthat.""Andyoutakehertothemlikeabottleofwineforaparty!"heshouted.

"Youthinkshe'dbebetteroffifIleftherherealone,withVictoriastalkingher?""Wecanhandle the redhead.""Thenwhy isshestillhunting?"Jacobgrowled,andashudderrippledthroughhistorso.

"Stopthat!"Ishoutedatthemboth,wildwithimpatience."Arguewhenwegetback,let'sgo!"Alice turned for the car, disappearing inher haste. I hurried after her, pausing

automaticallytoturnandlockthedoor.

Jacobcaughtmyarmwith a shiveringhand. "Please,Bella. I'mbegging."Hisdarkeyeswereglisteningwithtears.Alumpfilledmythroat."Jake,Ihaveto–"

"Youdon't, though.You reallydon't.Youcould stayherewithme.You couldstayalive.ForCharlie.Forme."TheengineofCarlisle'sMercedespurred; therhythmof thethrummingspikedwhenAlicerevveditimpatiently.Ishookmyhead,tearsspatteringfrommyeyeswiththesharpmotion.Ipulledmyarmfree,andhedidn'tfightme.

"Don't die,Bella," he chokedout. "Don't go.Don't."What if I never sawhimagain?

The thoughtpushedmepast the silent tears; a sobbrokeout frommychest. Ithrewmyarmsaroundhiswaistandhuggedforonetoo-shortmoment,buryingmytear-wetfaceagainsthischest.Heputhisbighandonthebackofmyhair,asiftoholdmethere.

"Bye,Jake."Ipulledhishandfrommyhair,andkissedhispalm.Icouldn'tbeartolookathisface."Sorry,"Iwhispered.ThenIspunandracedforthecar.Thedooronthepassengersidewasopenandwaiting.I threwmybackpackovertheheadrestandslidin,slammingthedoorbehindme.

"TakecareofCharlie!"Iturnedtoshoutoutthewindow,butJacobwasnowhereinsight.AsAlicestompedonthegasand–withthetiresscreechinglikehumanscreams–spunusaroundtofacetheroad,Icaughtsightofashredofwhiteneartheedgeofthetrees.Apieceofashoe.

19.HATE

WEMADEOURFLIGHTWITHSECONDSTOSPARE,ANDTHENthetruetorture began. The plane sat idle on the tarmac while the flight attendantsstrolled–so casually–up and down the aisle, patting the bags in the overheadcompartmentstomakesureeverythingfit.Thepilotsleanedoutofthecockpit,chatting with them as they passed. Alice's hand was hard on my shoulder,holdingmeinmyseatwhileIbouncedanxiouslyupanddown.

"It'sfasterthanrunning,"sheremindedmeinalowvoice.Ijustnoddedintimewithmybouncing.

At last the plane rolled lazily from the gate, building speed with a gradualsteadiness that tortured me further. I expected some kind of relief when weachievedliftoff,butmyfrenziedimpatiencedidn'tlessen.

Aliceliftedthephoneonthebackoftheseatinfrontofherbeforewe'dstoppedclimbing, turning her back on the stewardess who eyed her with disapproval.Something about my expression stopped the stewardess from coming over toprotest.

ItriedtotuneoutwhatAlicewasmurmuringtoJasper;Ididn'twanttohearthewordsagain,butsomeslippedthrough.

"I can't be sure, I keep seeing him do different things, he keeps changing hismind…Akillingspreethroughthecity,attackingtheguard,liftingacaroverhishead in the main square… mostly things that would expose them–he knowsthat'sthefastestwaytoforceareaction…"

"No,youcan't."Alice'svoicedroppedtillitwasnearlyinaudible,thoughIwassittinginchesfromher.Contrarily,Ilistenedharder."TellEmmettno…Well,goafterEmmett andRosalie andbring themback…Think about it, Jasper. If heseesanyofus,whatdoyouthinkhewilldo?"

Shenodded."Exactly.IthinkBellaistheonlychance–ifthereisachance…I'lldoeverythingthatcanbedone,butprepareCarlisle;theoddsaren'tgood."

Shelaughedthen,andtherewasacatchinhervoice."I'vethoughtofthat…Yes,Ipromise."Hervoicebecamepleading."Don'tfollowme.Ipromise,Jasper.Onewayoranother,I'llgetout…AndIloveyou."

Shehungup,andleanedbackinherseatwithhereyesclosed."Ihatelyingtohim.""Tellmeeverything,Alice," Ibegged."Idon'tunderstand.WhydidyoutellJaspertostopEmmett,whycan'ttheycomehelpus?"

"Two reasons," shewhispered, her eyes still closed. "The first I told him.Wecould try to stopEdwardourselves–ifEmmettcouldgethishandsonhim,wemightbeabletostophimlongenoughtoconvincehimyou'realive.Butwecan'tsneakuponEdward.Andifheseesuscomingforhim,he'lljustactthatmuchfaster.He'llthrowaBuiclcthroughawallorsomething,andtheVolturiwilltakehimdown.

"That'sthesecondreasonofcourse,thereasonIcouldn'tsaytoJasper.Becauseifthey'rethereandtheVolturikillEdward,they'llfightthem.Bella."Sheopenedhereyesandstaredatme,beseeching."Iftherewereanychancewecouldwin…

iftherewereawaythatthefourofuscouldsavemybrotherbyfightingforhim,maybe it would be different. Butwe can't, and, Bella, I can't lose Jasper likethat."

Irealizedwhyhereyesbeggedformyunderstanding.ShewasprotectingJasper,at our expense, andmaybe atEdward's, too. I understood, and I didnot thinkbadlyofher.Inodded.

"Couldn'tEdwardhearyou,though.'"Iasked."Wouldn'theknow,assoonasheheardyourthoughts,thatIwasalive,thattherewasnopointtothis?"

Not that therewas any justification, eitherway. I still couldn't believe that hewascapableofreactinglikethis.Itmadenosense!Irememberedwithpainfulclarityhiswordsthatdayonthesofa,whilewewatchedRomeoandJulietkillthemselves,oneaftertheother.Iwasn'tgoingtolivewithoutyou,he'dsaid,asifit should be such an obvious conclusion.But thewords he had spoken in theforestashe'dleftmehadcanceledallthatout–forcefully.

"Ifhewere listening,"sheexplained."Butbelieve itornot, it'spossible to liewithyourthoughts.Ifyouhaddied,Iwouldstilltrytostophim.AndIwouldbethinking'she'salive,she'salive'ashardasIcould.Heknowsthat."

Igroundmyteethinmutefrustration."Iftherewereanywaytodothiswithoutyou,Bella,Iwouldn'tbeendangeringyoulikethis.It'sverywrongofme.""Don'tbestupid.I'mthelastthingyoushouldbeworryingabout."Ishookmyheadimpatiently."Tellmewhatyoumeant,abouthatingtolietoJasper."

Shesmiledagrimsmile."IpromisedhimIwouldgetoutbeforetheykilledme,too. It's not something I can guarantee–not by a long shot." She raised hereyebrows,asifwillingmetotakethedangermoreseriously.

"WhoaretheseVolturi?"Idemandedinawhisper."WhatmakesthemsomuchmoredangerousthanEmmett,Jasper,Rosalie,andyou?"Itwashardtoimaginesomethingscarierthanthat.

She took a deep breath, and then abruptly leveled a dark glance over myshoulder.Iturnedintimetoseethemanintheaisleseatlookingawayasifhewasn't listening to us.He appeared to be a businessman, in a dark suitwith apower tie and a laptop on his knees.While I stared at himwith irritation, heopenedthecomputerandveryconspicuouslyputheadphoneson.

IleanedclosertoAlice.Herlipswereatmyearsasshebreathedthestory.

"Iwassurprisedthatyourecognizedthename,"shesaid."Thatyouunderstood

so immediately what it meant–when I said he was going to Italy. I thought Iwouldhavetoexplain.HowmuchdidEdwardtellyou?"

"He just said theywere an old, powerful family–like royalty. That you didn'tantagonize themunlessyouwanted to…die," Iwhispered.The lastwordwashardtochokeout.

"Youhavetounderstand,"shesaid,hervoiceslower,moremeasurednow."WeCullensareuniqueinmorewaysthanyouknow.It's…abnormalforsomanyofus to live together in peace. It's the same forTanya's family in the north, andCarlislespeculatesthatabstainingmakesiteasierforustobecivilized,toformbonds based on love rather than survival or convenience. Even James's littlecovenof threewasunusually large–andyousawhoweasilyLaurent left them.Our kind travel alone, or in pairs, as a general rule. Carlisle's family is thebiggestinexistence,asfarasIknow,withtheoneexception.TheVolturi.

"Therewerethreeofthemoriginally,Aro,Caius,andMarcus.""I'veseenthem,"Imumbled."InthepictureinCarlisle'sstudy."

Alicenodded."Twofemalesjoinedthemovertime,andthefiveofthemmakeup the family. I'mnot sure,but I suspect that theirage iswhatgives them theabilitytolivepeacefullytogether.Theyarewelloverthreethousandyearsold.Ormaybeit'stheirgiftsthatgivethemextratolerance.LikeEdwardandI,AroandMarcusare…talented."

She continuedbefore I could ask. "Ormaybe it's just their loveof power thatbindsthemtogether.Royaltyisanaptdescription."

"Butifthereareonlyfive–""Fivethatmakeupthefamily,"shecorrected."Thatdoesn'tincludetheirguard."Itookadeepbreath."Thatsounds…serious."

"Oh, it is," sheassuredme. "Therewereninemembersof theguard thatwerepermanent,thelasttimeweheard.Othersaremore…transitory.Itchanges.Andmanyofthemaregiftedaswell–withformidablegifts,giftsthatmakewhatIcandolooklikeaparlortrick.TheVolturichosethemfortheirabilities,physicalorotherwise."

Iopenedmymouth,andthenclosedit.Ididn'tthinkIwantedtoknowhowbadtheoddswere.Shenoddedagain,asifsheunderstoodexactlywhatIwasthinking."Theydon'tget into toomanyconfrontations.Noone is stupidenough tomesswith them.Theystayintheircity,leavingonlyasdutycalls."

"Duty?" I wondered. "Didn't Edward tell you what they do?" "No," I said,feelingtheblankexpressiononmyface.

Alice lookedovermyheadagain, toward thebusinessman,andputherwintrylipsbacktomyear.

"There'sareasonhecalledthemroyalty…therulingclass.Overthemillennia,theyhaveassumedthepositionofenforcingourrules–whichactuallytranslatestopunishingtransgressors.Theyfulfillthatdutydecisively."

Myeyespoppedwidewithshock."Therearerules?"Iaskedinavoicethatwastooloud."Shh!"

"Shouldn'tsomebodyhavementionedthistomeearlier?"Iwhisperedangrily."Imean,Iwantedtobea…tobeoneofyou!Shouldn'tsomebodyhaveexplainedtherulestome?"Alicechuckledonceatmyreaction."It'snotthatcomplicated,Bella. There's only one core restriction–and if you think about it, you canprobablyfigure itoutforyourself."I thoughtabout it."Nope,Ihavenoidea."Sheshookherhead,disappointed."Maybeit'stooobvious.Wejusthavetokeepourexistenceasecret.""Oh,"Imumbled.Itwasobvious.

"Itmakessense,andmostofusdon'tneedpolicing,"shecontinued."But,afterafewcenturies,sometimesoneofusgetsbored.Orcrazy.Idor'tknow.AndthentheVolturistepinbeforeitcancompromisethem,ortherestofus."

"SoEdward…"

"Isplanningtofloutthatintheirowncity–thecitythey'vesecretlyheldforthreethousandyears,sincethetimeof theEtruscans.Theyaresoprotectiveof theircitythattheydon'tallowhuntingwithinitswalls.Volterraisprobablythesafestcityintheworld–fromvampireattackattheveryleast."

"Butyousaidtheydidn'tleave.Howdotheyeat?"

"Theydon'tleave.Theybringintheirfoodfromtheoutside,fromquitefarawaysometimes.Itgivestheirguardsomethingtodowhenthey'renotoutannihilatingmavericks.OrprotectingVolterrafromexposure…""From situations like this one, like Edward," I finished her sentence. It wasamazingly easy to say his name now. I wasn't sure what the difference was.Maybe because Iwasn't really planning on livingmuch longerwithout seeinghim.Oratall,ifweweretoolate.ItwascomfortingtoknowthatIwouldhaveaneasyout.

"I doubt they've ever had a situation quite like this," shemuttered, disgusted."Youdon'tgetalotofsuicidalvampires."The sound that escapedoutofmymouthwasveryquiet, butAlice seemed tounderstandthatitwasacryofpain.Shewrappedherthin,strongarmaroundmyshoulders. "We'lldowhatwecan,Bella. It'snotoveryet.""Notyet." I lethercomfortme,thoughIknewshethoughtourchanceswerepoor."AndtheVolturiwillgetusifwemessup."

Alicestiffened."Yousaythatlikeit'sagoodthing."Ishrugged."Knock it off,Bella, orwe're turning around inNewYork and going back toForks.""What?"

"Youknowwhat.Ifwe'retoolateforEdward,I'mgoingtodomydamnedesttoget you back to Charlie, and I don't want any trouble from you. Do youunderstandthat?"

"Sure,Alice."Shepulledbackslightlysothatshecouldglareatme."Notrouble.""Scout'shonor,"Imuttered.Sherolledhereyes."Letmeconcentrate,now.I'mtryingtoseewhathe'splanning."

Sheleftherarmaroundme,butletherheadfallbackagainsttheseatandclosedhereyes.Shepressedherfreehandtothesideofherface,rubbingherfingertipsagainsthertemple.

I watched her in fascination for a long time. Eventually, she became utterlymotionless, hei face like a stone sculpture.Theminutespassed, and if I didn'tknowbetter,Iwouldhavethoughtshe'dfallenasleep.Ididn'tdareinterrupthertoaskwhatwasgoingon.

Iwishedtherewassomethingsafeformetothinkabout.Icouldn'tallowmyselftoconsiderthehorrorswewereheadedtoward,or,morehorrificyet,thechancethatwemightfail–notifIwantedtokeepfromscreamingaloud.Icouldn'tanticipateanything,either.Maybe, if Iwerevery,very,very lucky, IwouldsomehowbeabletosaveEdward.ButIwasn'tsostupidastothinkthatsavinghimwouldmeanthatIcouldstaywithhim.Iwasnodifferent,nomorespecialthanI'dbeenbefore.Therewouldbenonewreasonforhimtowantmenow.Seeinghimandlosinghimagain…

Ifoughtbackagainstthepain.ThiswasthepriceIhadtopaytosavehislife.I

wouldpayit.

Theyshowedamovie,andmyneighborgotheadphones.SometimesIwatchedthefiguresmovingacross the littlescreen,butIcouldn'teventell if themoviewassupposedtobearomanceorahorrorfilm.

After an eternity, the plane began to descend toward New York City. Aliceremained in her trance. I dithered, reaching out to touch her, only to pullmyhandback again.This happened a dozen timesbefore theplane touched townwithajarringimpact.

"Alice,"Ifinallysaid."Alice,wehavetogo."Itouchedherarm.Hereyescameopenveryslowly.Sheshookherheadfromsidetosideforamoment.

"Anythingnew?"Iaskedinalowvoice,consciousofthemanlisteningontheothersideofme."Notexactly,"shebreathedinavoiceIcouldbarelycatch."He'sgettingcloser.He'sdecidinghowhe'sgoingtoask."

Wehadtorunforourconnection,butthatwasgood–betterthanhavingtowait.Assoonastheplanewasintheair,Aliceclosedhereyesandslidbackintothesamestuporasbefore.IwaitedaspatientlyasIcould.Whenitwasdarkagain,Iopened thewindow to stare out into the flat black thatwas nobetter than thewindowshade.

I was grateful that I'd had so many months' practice with controlling mythoughts.Insteadofdwellingontheterrifyingpossibilitiesthat,nomatterwhatAlicesaid,Ididnotintendtosurvive,Iconcentratedonlesserproblems.Like,what I was going to say to Charlie if I got back:' That was a thorny enoughproblemtooccupyseveralhours.AndJacob?He'dpromisedtowaitforme,butdidthatpromisestillapply?WouldIenduphomealoneinForks,withnooneatall?MaybeIdidn'twanttosurvive,nomatterwhathappened.

It felt like seconds later when Alice shook my shoulder–I hadn't realized I'dfallenasleep."Bella,"shehissed,hervoicealittletooloudinthedarkenedcabinfullofsleepinghumans.Iwasn'tdisoriented–Ihadn'tbeenoutlongenoughforthat."What'swrong?"Alice'seyesgleamedinthedimlightofareadinglampintherowbehindus.

"It'snotwrong."Shesmiledfiercely."It'sright.They'redeliberating,butthey'vedecidedtotellhimno."

"TheVolturi?" Imuttered, groggy. "Of course,Bella, keep up. I can seewhat

they'regoingtosay.""Tellme."

Anattendanttiptoeddowntheaisletous."CanIgetyouladiesapillow?"Hishushedwhisperwasarebuketoourcomparativelyloudconversation."No, thankyou."Alicebeamedatupathim,her smile shockingly lovely.Theattendant'sexpressionwasdazedasheturnedandstumbledhiswayback."Tell me," I breathed almost silently. She whispered into my ear. "They'reinterestedinhim–theythinkhistalentcouldbeuselul.They'regoingtoofferhimaplacewiththem.""Whatwillhesay?"

"Ican'tseethatyet,butI'llbetit'scolorful."Shegrinnedagain."Thisisthefirstgood news–the first break. They're intrigued; they truly don't want to destroyhim–'wasteful,' that's thewordArowill use–and thatmay be enough to forcehimtogetcreative.Thelongerhespendsonhisplans,thebetterforus."

Itwasn'tenoughtomakemehopeful, tomakemefeelthereliefsheobviouslyfelt.Therewerestillsomanywaysthatwecouldbetoolate.AndifIdidn'tgetthrough the walls into the Volturi city, I wouldn't be able to stop Alice fromdraggingmebackhome.

"Alice?""What?"

"I'mconfused.Howareyouseeingthissoclearly?Andthenothertimes,youseethingsfaraway–thingsthatdon'thappen?"Hereyestightened.IwonderedifsheguessedwhatIwasthinkingof.

"It's clear because it's immediate and close, and I'm really concentrating. Thefaraway things that come on their own–those are just glimpses, faintmaybes.Plus,Iseemykindmoreeasilythanyours.EdwardiseveneasierbecauseI'msoattunedtohim."

"Youseemesometimes,"Iremindedher.Sheshookherhead."Notasclearly."

I sighed."I reallywishyoucouldhavebeen rightaboutme. In thebeginning,whenyoufirstsawthingsaboutme,beforeweevenmet…"

"Whatdoyoumean?""Yousawmebecomeoneofyou."Ibarelymouthedthewords.Shesighed."Itwasapossibilityatthetime.""Atthetime,"Irepeated.

"Actually,Bella…"Shehesitated,andthenseemedtomakeachoice."Honestly,Ithinkit'sallgottenbeyondridiculous.I'mdebatingwhethertojustchangeyou

myself." I stared at her, frozen with shock. Instantly, my mind resisted herwords.Icouldn'taffordthatkindofhopeifshechangedhermind."DidIscareyou?"shewondered."Ithoughtthat'swhatyouwanted.""Ido!"Igasped. "Oh,Alice,do itnow! Icouldhelpyousomuch–and Iwouldn't slowyoudown.Biteme!"

"Shh,"shecautioned.Theattendantwaslookinginourdirectionagain."Trytobereasonable,"shewhispered."Wedon'thaveenoughtime.WehavetogetintoVolterratomorrow.You'dbewrithinginpainfordays."Shemadeaface."AndIdon'tthinktheotherpassengerswouldreactwell."

I bit my lip. "If you don't do it now, you'll change your mind." "No." Shefrowned,herexpressionunhappy."Idon'tthinkIwill.He'llbefurious,butwhatwillhebeabletodoaboutit?"Myheartbeatfaster."Nothingatall."Shelaughedquietly,andthensighed."Youhavetoomuchfaithinme,Bella.I'mnotsurethatIcan.I'llprobablyjustendupkillingyou."

"I'lltakemychances.""Youaresobizarre,evenforahuman.""Thanks."

"Ohwell,thisispurelyhypotheticalatthispoint,anyway.Firstwehavetolivethroughtomorrow.""Goodpoint."ButatleastIhadsomethingtohopeforifwedid.IfAlicemadegoodonherpromise–andifshedidn'tkillme–thenEdwardcouldrunafterhisdistractionsallhewanted,and Icould follow. Iwouldn't lethimbedistracted.Maybe,whenIwasbeautifulandstrong,hewouldn'twantdistractions.

"Go back to sleep," she encouraged me. "I'll wake you up when there'ssomethingnew."

"Right," I grumbled, certain that sleepwas a lost cause now.Alice pulled herlegs upon the seat,wrappingher arms around themand leaningher foreheadagainstherknees.Sherockedbackandforthassheconcentrated.

Irestedmyheadagainst theseat,watchingher,andthenext thingIknew,shewassnappingtheshadeclosedagainstthefaintbrighteningintheeasternsky.

"What's happening?" I mumbled. "They've told him no," she said quietly. Inoticed at once that her enthusiasmwas gone.My voice choked inmy throatwithpanic."What'shegoingtodo?""Itwaschaoticatfirst.Iwasonlygettingflickers,hewaschangingplans soquickly." "Whatkindsofplans?" Ipressed."There was a bad hour," she whispered. "He'd decided to go hunting." Shelookedatme,seeingthecomprehensioninmyface."Inthecity,"sheexplained.

"Itgotveryclose.Hechangedhismindatthelastminute.""Hewouldn'twanttodisappointCarlisle,"Imumbled.Notattheend."Probably,"sheagreed.

"Willtherebeenoughtime?"AsIspoke,therewasashiftinthecabinpressure.Icouldfeeltheplaneanglingdownward.

"I'mhopingso–ifhestickstohislatestdecision,maybe.""Whatisthat?""He'sgoingtokeepitsimple.He'sjustgoingtowalkoutintothesun."Justwalkoutintothesun.Thatwasall.

Itwouldbeenough.TheimageofEdwardinthemeadow–glowing,shimmeringlikehisskinwasmadeofamilliondiamondfacets–wasburnedintomymemory.Nohumanwhosawthatwouldeverforget.TheVolturicouldn'tpossiblyallowit.Notiftheywantedtokeeptheircityinconspicuous.

Ilookedattheslightgrayglowthatshonethroughtheopenedwindows."We'llbetoolate,"Iwhispered,mythroatclosinginpanic.

She shook her head. "Right now, he's leaning toward the melodramatic. Hewants the biggest audience possible, so he'll choose themain plaza, under theclocktower.Thewallsarehighthere.He'llwaittillthesunisexactlyoverhead."

"Sowehavetillnoon?""Ifwe'relucky.Ifhestickswiththisdecision."

The pilot came on over the intercom, announcing, first in French and then inEnglish,ourimminentlanding.Theseatbeltlightsdingedandflashed.

"HowfarisitfromFlorencetoVolterra?""Thatdependsonhowfastyoudrive…Bella?""Yes?"Sheeyedmespeculatively."Howstronglyareyouopposedtograndtheftauto?"

AbrightyellowPorschescreamedtoastopafewfeetinfrontofwhereIpaced,thewordTURBOscrawledinsilvercursiveacrossitsback.Everyonebesidemeonthecrowdedairportsidewalkstared.

"Hurry,Bella!"Aliceshoutedimpatientlythroughtheopenpassengerwindow.Irantothedoorandthrewmyselfin,feelingasthoughImightaswellbewearingablackstockingovermyhead."Sheesh, Alice," I complained. "Could you pick a more conspicuous car tosteal?"Theinteriorwasblackleather,andthewindowsweretinteddark.Itfeltsaferinside,likenighttime.Alice was already weaving, too fast, through the thick airport traffic–slidingthroughtinyspacesbetweenthecarsasIcringedandfumbledformyseatbelt.

"Theimportantquestion,"shecorrected,"iswhetherIcouldhavestolenafastercar,andIdon'tthinkso.Igotlucky.""I'msurethatwillbeverycomfortingattheroadblock."

She trilled a laugh. "Trustme,Bella. If anyone setsup a roadblock, itwill bebehindus."Shehitthegasthen,asiftoproveherpoint.

IprobablyshouldhavewatchedoutthewindowasfirstthecityofFlorenceandthen theTuscan landscape flashedpastwithblurring speed.Thiswasmy firsttrip anywhere, and maybe my last, too. But Alice's driving frightened me,despite the fact that Iknew I could trustherbehind thewheel.And Iwas tootorturedwithanxietytoreallyseethehillsorthewalledtownsthatlookedlikecastlesinthedistance.

"Doyouseeanythingmore?""There's something going on," Alice muttered. "Some kind of festival. Thestreetsarefullofpeopleandredflags.What'sthedatetoday?"

Iwasn'tentirelysure."Thenineteenth,maybe?""Well,that'sironic.It'sSaintMarcusDay.""Whichmeans?"

She chuckled darkly. "The city holds a celebration every year. As the legendgoes, a Christianmissionary, a FatherMarcus–Marcus of theVoltun, in fact–droveallthevampiresfromVolterrafifteenhundredyearsago.ThestoryclaimshewasmartyredinRomania,stilltryingtodriveawaythevampirescourge.Ofcourse that's nonsense–he's never left the city. But that's where some of thesuperstitionsaboutthingslikecrossesandgarliccomefrom.FatherMarcususedthemsosuccessfully.Andvampiresdon'ttroubleVolterra,sotheymustwork."Her smile was sardonic. "It's become more of a celebration of the city, andrecognitionforthepoliceforce–afterall,Volterraisanamazinglysafecity.Thepolicegetthecredit."

Iwasrealizingwhatshemeantwhenshe'dsaidironic."They'renotgoingtobeveryhappyifEdwardmessesthingsupforthemonSt.MarcusDay,arethey?"Sheshookherhead,herexpressiongrim."No.They'llactveryquickly."Ilookedaway,fightingagainstmyteethastheytriedtobreakthroughtheskinofmylowerlip.Bleedingwasnotthebestidearightnow.

Thesunwasterrifyinglyhighinthepalebluesky."He'sstillplanningonnoon?"Ichecked."Yes.He'sdecidedtowait.Andthey'rewaitingforhim."

"TellmewhatIhavetodo."

She kept her eyes on the winding road–the needle on the speedometer wastouchingthefarrightonthedial.

"Youdon'thavetodoanything.Hejusthastoseeyoubeforehemovesintothelight.Andhehas to seeyoubeforehe seesme." "Howarewegoing toworkthat?"AsmallredcarseemedtoberacingbackwardasAlicezoomedaroundit.

"I'mgoing togetyouascloseaspossible, and thenyou'regoing to run in thedirectionIpointyou."

I nodded. "Try not to trip," she added. "We don't have time for a concussiontoday."

Igroaned.Thatwouldbe just likeme–ruineverything,destroy theworld, inamomentofklutziness.The suncontinued to climb in the skywhileAlice racedagainst it. Itwas toobrigh:,andthathadmepanicking.Maybehewouldn'tfeeltheneedtowaitfornoonafterall. "There,"Alicesaidabruptly,pointing to thecastlecityatop theclosesthill.

Istaredatit,feelingtheveryfirsthintofanewkindoffear.Everyminutesinceyesterdaymorning–itseemedlikeaweekago–whenAlicehadspokenhisnameatthefootofthestairs,therehadbeenonlyonefear.Andyet,now,asIstaredatthe ancient siennawalls and towers crowning the peak of the steep hill, I feltanother,moreselfishkindofdreadthrillthroughme.

I supposed the city was very beautiful. It absolutely terrified me. "Volterra,"Aliceannouncedinaflat,icyvoice.20.VOLTERRA

WEBEGANTHESTEEPCLIMB,ANDTHEROADGREWCONGESTED.As we wound higher, the cars became too close together for Alice to weaveinsanely between them anymore. We slowed to a crawl behind a little tanPeugeot.

"Alice,"Imoaned.Theclockonthedashseemedtobespeedingup."It's the onlyway in," she tried sootheme.But her voicewas too strained tocomfort.

Thecarscontinued toedgeforward,onecar lengthata time.Thesunbeameddownbrilliantly,seemingalreadyoverhead.

The cars crept one by one toward the city.Aswe got closer, I could see cars

parkedbythesideoftheroadwithpeoplegettingouttowalkthetestoftheway.At first I thought itwas just impatience–something I could easily understand.But thenwe came around a switchback, and I could see the filled parking lotoutside thecitywall, thecrowdsofpeoplewalking through thegates.Noonewasbeingallowedtodrivethrough.

"Alice,"Iwhisperedurgently."Iknow,"shesaid.Herfacewaschiseledfromice.

NowthatIwaslooking,andwewerecrawlingslowlyenoughtosee,Icouldtellthatitwasverywindy.Thepeoplecrowdingtowardthegategrippedtheirhatsand tugged their hair out of their faces.Their clothesbillowedaround them. Ialso noticed that the color redwas everywhere.Red shirts, red hats, red flagsdrippinglikelongribbonsbesidethegate,whippingin thewind–asIwatched,thebrilliantcrimsonscarfonewomanhadtiedaroundherhairwascaughtinasuddengust.Ittwistedupintotheairaboveher,writhinglikeitwasalive.Shereached for it, jumping in the air, but it continued to flutter higher, a patchofbloodycoloragainstthedull,ancientwalls.

"Bella."Alicespokequickly inafierce, lowvoice."Ican'tseewhat theguardherewilldecidenow–if thisdoesn'twork,you'regoing tohave togo inalone.You're going to have to run. Just keep asking for the Palazzo dei Priori, andrunninginthedirectiontheytellyou.Don'tgetlost."

"PalazzodeiPriori,PalazzodeiPriori,"Irepeatedthenameoverandoveragain,tryingtogetitdown."Or 'the clock tower,' if they speak English. I'll go around and try to find asecludedspotsomewherebehindthecitywhereIcangooverthewall."Inodded."PalazzodeiPriori."

"Edward will be under the clock tower, to the north of the square. There's anarrowalleywayontheright,andhe'llbeintheshadowthere.Youhavetogethisattentionbeforehecanmoveintothesun."

Inoddedfuriously.

Alicewasnearthefrontoftheline.Amaninanavyblueuniformwasdirectingthe flowof traffic, turning the cars away from the full lot.TheyU-turnedandheadedbacktofindaplacebesidetheroad.ThenitwasAlice'sturn.

The uniformed man motioned lazily, not paying attention. Alice accelerated,edging aroundhim and heading for the gate.He shouted something at us, butheldhisground,wavingfranticallytokeepthenextcarfromfollowingourbad

example.

The man at the gate wore a matching uniform. As we approached him, thethrongs of tourists passed, crowding the sidewalks, staring curiously at thepushy,flashyPorsche.

Theguard stepped into themiddleof the street.Aliceangled thecar carefullybeforeshecametoafullstop.Thesunbeatagainstmywindow,andshewasinshadow. She swiftly reached behind the seat and grabbed something from herbag.

Theguardcamearoundthecarwithan irritatedexpression,and tappedonherwindowangrily.Sherolledthewindowdownhalfway,andIwatchedhimdoadoubletakewhenhesawthefacebehindthedarkglass.

"I'msorry,onlytourbusesallowedinthecitytoday,miss,"hesaidinEnglish,withaheavyaccent.Hewasapologetic,now,asifhewishedhehadbetternewsforthestrikinglybeautifulwoman.

"It'saprivatetour,"Alicesaid,flashinganalluringsmile.Shereachedherhandoutcfthewindow,intothesunlight.Ifroze,untilIrealizedshewaswearinganelbow-length,tanglove.Shetookhishand,stillraisedfromtappingherwindow,andpulleditintothecar.Sheputsomethingintohispalm,andfoldedhisfingersaroundit.

Hisfacewasdazedasheretrievedhishandandstaredatthethickrollofmoneyhenowheld.Theoutsidebillwasathousanddollarbill.

"Isthisajoke?"hemumbled.Alice'ssmilewasblinding."Onlyifyouthinkit'sfunny."

Helookedather,hiseyesstaringwide.Iglancednervouslyattheclockonthedash.IfEdwardstucktohisplan,wehadonlyfiveminutesleft.

"I'minaweebitofahurry,"shehinted,stillsmiling.Theguardblinkedtwice,andthenshovedthemoneyinsidehisvest.Hetookastep away from the window and waved us on. None of the passing peopleseemed to notice the quiet exchange. Alice drove into the city, and we bothsighedinrelief.

The street was very narrow, cobbled with the same color stones as the fadedcinnamonbrownbuildings thatdarkened thestreetwith their shade. Ithad thefeelofanalleyway.Redflagsdecoratedthewalls,spacedonlyafewyardsapart,

flappinginthewindthatwhistledthroughthenarrowlane.

Itwascrowded,andthefoottrafficslowedourprogress."Just a little farther," Alice encouraged me; I was gripping the door handle,readytothrowmyselfintothestreetassoonasshespoketheword.

Shedroveinquickspurtsandsuddenstops,andthepeopleinthecrowdshooktheirfistsatusandsaidangrywordsthatIwasgladIcouldn'tunderstand.Sheturnedontoalittlepaththatcouldn'thavebeenmeantforcars;shockedpeoplehadtosqueezeintodoorwaysaswescrapedby.Wefoundanotherstreetattheend. The buildingswere taller here; they leaned together overhead so that nosunlighttouchedthepavement–thethrashingredflagsoneithersidenearlymet.Thecrowdwasthickerherethananywhereelse.Alicestoppedthecar.Ihadthedooropenbeforewewereatastandstill.

Shepointedtowherethestreetwidenedintoapatchofbrightopenness."There–we'reat thesouthernendof thesquare.Runstraightacross, to therightof theclocktower.I'llfindawayaround–"

Her breath caught suddenly, andwhen she spoke again, her voicewas a hiss."They'reeverywhere?"Ifrozeinplace,butshepushedmeoutofthecar."Forgetaboutthem.Youhavetwominutes.Go,Bella,go!"sheshouted,climbingoutofthecarasshespoke.

I didn't pause towatchAlicemelt into the shadows. I didn't stop to closemydoorbehindme.Ishovedaheavywomanoutofmywayandranflatout,headdown,payinglittleattentiontoanythingbuttheunevenstonesbeneathmyfeet.

Comingoutofthedarklane,Iwasblindedbythebrilliantsunlightbeatingdownintotheprincipalplaza.Thewindwhooshed intome,flingingmyhair intomyeyesandblindingmefurther.ItwasnowonderthatIdidn'tseethewalloffleshuntilI'dsmackedintoit.

Therewasnopathway, no crevicebetween the closepressedbodies. I pushedagainstthemfuriously,fightingthehandsthatshovedback.Iheardexclamationsof irritation and even pain as I battled my way through, but none were in alanguageIunderstood.Thefaceswereablurofangerandsurprise,surroundedbytheever-presentred.Ablondwomanscowledatme,andtheredscarfcoiledaround her neck looked like a gruesome wound. A child, lifted on a man'sshoulderstoseeoverthecrowd,grinneddownatme,hislipsdistendedoverasetofplasticvampirefangs.

Thethrongjostledaroundme,spinningmethewrongdirection.Iwasgladthe

clockwassovisible,orI'dneverkeepmycoursestraight.Butbothhandsontheclockpointeduptowardthepitilesssun,and,thoughIshovedviciouslyagainstthecrowd,IknewIwastoolate.Iwasn'thalfwayacross.Iwasn'tgoingtomakeit.Iwasstupidandslowandhuman,andwewereallgoingtodiebecauseofit.

I hopedAlicewould get out. I hoped that shewould seeme from some darkshadowandknowthatIhadfailed,soshecouldgohometoJasper.Ilistened,abovetheangryexclamations,tryingtohearthesoundofdiscovery:thegasp,maybethescream,asEdwardcameintosomeone'sview.

Buttherewasabreakinthecrowd–Icouldseeabubbleofspaceahead.Ipushedurgently toward it, not realizing till I bruisedmy shins against the bricks thattherewasawide,squarefountainsetintothecenteroftheplaza.

IwasnearlycryingwithreliefasIflungmylegovertheedgeandranthroughtheknee-deepwater. ItsprayedallaroundmeasI thrashedmywayacross thepool.Eveninthesun,thewindwasglacial,andthewetmadethecoldactuallypainful.Butthefountainwasverywide;itletmecrossthecenterofthesquareandthensomeinmereseconds.Ididn'tpausewhenIhitthefaredge–Iusedthelowwallasaspringboard,throwingmyselfintothecrowd.

Theymovedmore readily for me now, avoiding the icy water that splatteredfrommydrippingclothesasIran.Iglancedupattheclockagain.A deep, booming chime echoed through the square. It throbbed in the stonesundermyfeet.Childrencried,coveringtheirears.AndIstartedscreamingasIran."Edward!"Iscreamed,knowingitwasuseless.Thecrowdwastooloud,andmyvoicewasbreathlesswithexertion.ButIcouldn'tstopscreaming.

The clock tolled again. I ran past a child in his mother's arms–his hair wasalmost white in the dazzling sunlight. A circle of tall men, all wearing redblazers,calledoutwarningsasIbarreledthroughthem.Theclocktolledagain.

Ontheothersideof themeninblazers, therewasabreakinthethrong,spacebetweenthesightseerswhomilledaimlesslyaroundme.Myeyessearched thedarknarrowpassage to the right of thewide square edifice under the tower. Icouldn't see the street level–therewere still toomany people in theway. Theclocktolledagain.

Itwashardtoseenow.Withoutthecrowdtobreakthewind,itwhippedatmyface andburnedmy eyes. I couldn't be sure if thatwas the reasonbehindmytears,orifIwascryingindefeatastheclocktolledagain.

A little family of four stood nearest to the alley'smouth. The two girls worecrimson dresses,withmatching ribbons tying their dark hair back. The fatherwasn'ttall.ItseemedlikeIcouldseesomethingbrightintheshadows,justoverhis shoulder. I hurtled toward them, trying to see past the stinging tears. Theclocktolled,andthelittlestgirlclampedherhandsoverherears.

Theoldergirl,justwaisthighonhermother,huggedhermother'slegandstaredintotheshadowsbehindthem.AsIwatched,shetuggedonhermother'selbowandpointedtowardthedarkness.Theclocktolled,andIwassoclosenow.

Iwas close enough to hear her high-pitched voice.Her father stared atme insurprise as I bore down on them, rasping out Edward's name over and overagain.Theoldergirl giggled and said something tohermother, gesturing toward theshadowsagainimpatiently.I swervedaround the father–heclutched thebabyoutofmyway–andsprintedforthegloomybreachbehindthemastheclocktolledovermyhead.

"Edward,no!"Iscreamed,butmyvoicewaslostintheroarofthechime.Icouldseehimnow.AndIcouldseethathecouldnotseeme.

Itwas reallyhim,nohallucination this time.And I realized thatmydelusionsweremoreflawedthanI'drealized;they'dneverdonehimjustice.

Edwardstood,motionlessasastatue,justafewfeetfromthemouthofthealley.Hiseyeswereclosed,theringsunderneaththemdeeppurple,hisarmsrelaxedathis sides, his palms turned forward.His expressionwasverypeaceful, likehewasdreamingpleasantthings.Themarbleskinofhischestwasbare–therewasasmallpileofwhitefabricathisfeet.Thelightreflectingfromthepavementofthesquaregleameddimlyfromhisskin.

I'dneverseenanythingmorebeautiful–evenasIran,gaspingandscreaming,Icouldappreciatethat.Andthelastsevenmonthsmeantnothing.Andhiswordsintheforestmeantnothing.Anditdidnotmatterifhedidnotwantme.Iwouldneverwantanythingbuthim,nomatterhowlongIlived.

Theclocktolled,andhetookalargestridetowardthelight."No!"Iscreamed."Edward,lookatme!"

Hewasn't listening.Hesmiledveryslightly.Heraisedhisfoottotakethestepthatwouldputhimdirectlyinthepathofthesun.

Islammedintohimsohardthattheforcewouldhavehurledmetothegroundif

hisarmshadn'tcaughtmeandheldmeup.Itknockedmybreathoutofmeandsnappedmyheadback.Hisdarkeyesopenedslowlyastheclocktolledagain.

He looked down at mewith quiet surprise. "Amazing," he said, his exquisitevoicefullofwonder,slightlyamused."Carlislewasright."

"Edward,"I tried togasp,butmyvoicehadnosound."You'vegot togetbackintotheshadows.Youhavetomove!"

Heseemedbemused.Hishandbrushedsoftlyagainstmycheek.Hedidn'tappeartonoticethatIwastryingtoforcehimback.IcouldhavebeenpushingagainstthealleywallsforalltheprogressIwasmaking.Theclocktolled,buthedidn'treact.

It was very strange, for I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in thatinstant, I feltwell.Whole. I could feelmyheart racing inmychest, thebloodpulsinghotandfastthroughmyveinsagain.Mylungsfilleddeepwiththesweetscent that came off his skin. Itwas like there had never been any hole inmychest. Iwasperfect–nothealed,but as if therehadbeennowound in the firstplace.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing–they're very good," hemused, closinghis eyes again andpressinghis lips againstmyhair.Hisvoicewaslikehoneyandvelvet."Death,thathathsuckedthehoneyofthybreath,hathhad no power yet upon thy beauty," he murmured, and I recognized the linespokenbyRomeointhetomb.Theclockboomedoutitsfinalchime"Yousmelljustexactlythesameasalways,"hewenton."Somaybethisishell.Idon'tcare.I'lltakeit."

"I'mnotdead,"Iinterrupted."Andneitherareyou!PleaseEdward,wehavetomove.Theycan'tbefaraway!"

Istruggledinhisarms,andhisbrowfurrowedinconfusion."Whatwasthat?"heaskedpolitely."We'renotdead,notyet!ButwehavetogetoutofherebeforetheVolturi–"

Comprehension flickered on his face as I spoke. Before I could finish, hesuddenly yanked me away from the edge of the shadows, spinning meeffortlesslysothatmybackwastightagainstthebrickwall,andhisbackwastomeashefacedawayintothealley.Hisarmsspreadwide,protectively,infrontofme.

I peeked under his arm to see two dark shapes detach themselves from thegloom.

"Greetings,gentlemen,"Edward'svoicewascalmandpleasant,on thesurface."I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it verymuch,however,ifyouwouldsendmythankstoyourmasters."

"Shallwetakethisconversationtoamoreappropriatevenue?"asmoothvoicewhisperedmenacingly.

"Idon'tbelievethatwillbenecessary."Edward'svoicewashardernow."Iknowyourinstructions,Felix.Ihaven'tbrokenanyrules."

"Felixmerelymeanttopointouttheproximityofthesun,"theothershadowsaidin a soothing tone. They were both concealed within smoky gray cloaks thatreachedtothegroundandundulatedinthewind."Letusseekbettercover."

"I'llberightbehindyou,"Edwardsaiddryly."Bella,whydon'tyougobacktothesquareandenjoythefestival?""No, bring the girl," the first shadow said, somehow injecting a leer into hiswhisper."Idon'tthinkso."Thepretenseofcivilitydisappeared.Edward'svoicewasflatandicy.Hisweightshiftedinfinitesimally,andIcouldseethathewaspreparingtofight.

"No."Imouthedtheword."Shh,"hemurmured,onlyforme.

"Felix,"thesecond,morereasonableshadowcautioned."Nothere."HeturnedtoEdward."Arowouldsimply like tospeakwithyouagain, ifyouhavedecidednottoforceourhandafterall."

"Certainly,"Edwardagreed.'"Butthegirlgoesfree.""I'mafraidthat'snotpossible,"thepoliteshadowsaidregretfully."Wedohaverulestoobey.""ThenI'mafraidthatI'llbeunabletoacceptAro'sinvitation,Demetri."

"That'sjustfine,"Felixpurred.Myeyeswereadjustingtothedeepshade,andIcouldseethatFelixwasverybig,tallandthickthroughtheshoulders.HissizeremindedmeofEmmett.

"Arowillbedisappointed,"Demetrisighed."I'msurehe'llsurvivetheletdown,"Edwardreplied.

Felix and Demetri stole closer toward the mouth of the alley, spreading outslightlysotheycouldcomeatEdwardfromtwosides.Theymeanttoforcehimdeeper into thealley, toavoidascene.Noreflected light foundaccess to their

skin;theyweresafeinsidetheircloaks.

Edwarddidn'tmoveaninch.Hewasdoominghimselfbyprotectingme.Abruptly,Edward's headwhipped around, toward the darkness of thewindingalley,and

Demetri andFelix did the same, in response to some sound ormovement toosubtle for my senses. "Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" a lilting voicesuggested."Thereareladiespresent."

Alice tripped lightly toEdward's side,her stancecasual.Therewasnohintofanyunderlyingtension.Shelookedsotiny,sofragile.Herlittlearmsswunglikeachild's.YetDemetri andFelix both straightenedup, their cloaks swirling slightly as agust ofwind funneled through the alley. Felix's face soured.Apparently, theydidn'tlikeevennumbers."We'renotalone,"sheremindedthem.

Demetriglancedoverhisshoulder.Afewyardsintothesquare,thelittlefamily,with thegirls in their reddresses,waswatchingus.Themotherwas speakingurgently to her husband, her eyes on the five of us. She looked away whenDemetrimethergaze.Themanwalkeda fewsteps farther into theplaza,andtappedoneofthered-blazeredmenontheshoulder.

Demetrishookhishead."Please,Edward,let'sbereasonable,"hesaid."Let's,"Edward agreed. "Andwe'll leavequietlynow,withnoone thewiser."Demetrisighedinfrustration."Atleastletusdiscussthismoreprivately."

Six men in red now joined the family as they watched us with anxiousexpressions.IwasveryconsciousofEdward'sprotectivestanceinfrontofme–surethatthiswaswhatcausedtheiralarm.Iwantedtoscreamtothemtorun.

Edward'steethcametogetheraudibly."No."Felixsmiled."Enough."Thevoicewashigh,reedy,andncamefrombehindus.

IpeekedunderEdward'sotherarmtoseeasmall,darkshapecomingtowardus.Bythewaytheedgesbillowed, Iknewitwouldbeanotheroneof them.Whoelse?

AtfirstIthoughtitwasayoungboy.ThenewcomerwasastinyasAlice,withlank, pale brown hair trimmed short. The body under the cloak–which wasdarker,almostblack–wasslimandandrogynous.Butthefacewastooprettyfor

aboy.Thewide-eyed,full-lippedfacewouldmakeaBotticelliangellooklikeagargoyle.Evenallowingforthedullcrimsonirises.

Her sizewas so insignificant that the reaction toher appearanceconfusedme.Felix and Demetri relaxed immediately, stepping back from their offensivepositionstoblendagainwiththeshadowsoftheoverhangingwalls.

Edwarddroppedhisarmsandrelaxedhispositionaswell–butindefeat."Jane," he sighed in recognition and resignation.Alice folded her arms acrossherchest,herexpressionimpassive.

"Followme,"Janespokeagain,herchildishvoiceamonotone.She turnedherbackonusanddriftedsilentlyintothedark.Felixgesturedforustogofirst,smirking.

Alicewalkedafter the littleJaneatonce.Edwardwrappedhisarmaroundmywaistandpulledmealongbesideher.Thealleyangledslightlydownwardasitnarrowed.Ilookedupathimwithfranticquestionsinmyeyes,buthejustshookhishead.ThoughIcouldn'theartheothersbehindus,Iwassuretheywerethere.

"Well,Alice,"Edwardsaidconversationallyaswewalked."IsupposeIshouldn'tbesurprisedtoseeyouhere.""Itwasmymistake,"Aliceansweredinthesametone."Itwasmyjobtosetitright.""Whathappened?"Hisvoicewaspolite,asifhewerebarelyinterested.Iimaginedthiswasduetothelisteningearsbehindus."It'salongstory."Alice'seyesflickeredtowardmeandaway."Insummary,shedid jump off a cliff, but shewasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about theextremesportsthesedays."

Iflushedandturnedmyeyesstraightahead,lookingafterthedarkshadowthatIcould no longer see. I could imaginewhat hewas hearing inAlice's thoughtsnow.Near-drownings,stalkingvampires,werewolffriends…

"Hm,"Edwardsaidcurtly,andthecasualtoneofhisvoicewasgone.

Therewasaloosecurvetothealley,stillslantingdownward,soIdidn'tseethesquared-offdeadendcominguntilwereachedtheflat,windowless,brickface.ThelittleonecalledJanewasnowheretobeseen.

Alicedidn'thesitate,didn'tbreakpaceasshestrodetowardthewall.Then,witheasygrace,shesliddownanopenholeinthestreet.Itlookedlikeadrain,sunkintothelowestpointofthepaving.Ihadn'tnoticedituntilAlicedisappeared,but thegratewashalfwaypushedaside.Theholewas

small,andblack.

I balked. "It's all right, Bella," Edward said in a low voice. "Alicewill catchyou."

Ieyed theholedoubtfully. I imaginehewouldhavegone first, ifDemetriandFelixhadn'tbeenwaiting,smugandsilent,behindus.

Icroucheddown,swingingmylegsintothenarrowgap."Alice?"Iwhispered,voicetrembling.

"I'mrighthere,Bella,"shereassuredme.Hervoicecamefromtoofarbelowtomakemefeelbetter.Edwardtookmywrists–hishandsfeltlikestonesinwinter–andloweredmeintotheblackness.

"Ready?"heasked."Dropher,"Alicecalled.

I closedmy eyes so I couldn't see the darkness, scrunching them together interror,clampingmymouthshutsoIwouldn'tscream.Edwardletmefall.Itwassilentandshort.Theairwhippedpastmeforjusthalfasecond,andthen,withahuffasIexhaled,Alice'swaitingarmscaughtme.Iwasgoingtohavebruises;herarmswereveryhard.Shestoodmeupright.

Itwasdim,butnotblackatthebottom.Thelightfromtheholeaboveprovidedafaintglow,reflectingwetlyfromthestonesundermyfeet.Thelightvanishedforasecond,andthenEdwardwasafaint,whiteradiancebesideme.Heputhisarmaroundme,holdingmeclosetohisside,andbegantotowmeswiftlyforward.Iwrapped both arms around his cold waist, and tripped and stumbledmywayacross theunevenstonesurface.Thesoundof theheavygrateslidingover thedrainholebehindusrangwithmetallicfinality.

Thedim light from thestreetwasquickly lost in thegloom.Thesoundofmystaggeringfootstepsechoedthroughtheblackspace;itsoundedverywide,butIcouldn'tbesure.Therewerenosoundsotherthanmyfranticheartbeatandmyfeetonthewetstones–exceptforonce,whenanimpatientsighwhisperedfrombehindme.

Edwardheldme tightly.He reachedhis freehandacrosshisbody toholdmyface,too,hissmooththumbtracingacrossmylips.Nowandthen,Ifelthisfacepressintomyhair.Irealizedthatthiswastheonlyreunionwewouldget,andIclutchedmyselfclosertohim.

Fornow,itfeltlikehewantedme,andthatwasenoughtooffsetthehorrorofthe

subterranean tunnel and the prowling vampires behind us. Itwas probably nomorethanguilt–thesameguiltthatcompelledhimtocomeheretodiewhenhe'dbelievedthatitwashisfaultthatI'dkilledmyself.ButIfelthislipspresssilentlyagainstmyforehead,andIdidn'tcarewhatthemotivationwas.AtleastIcouldbewithhimagainbeforeIdied.Thatwasbetterthanalonglife.

I wished I could ask him exactly what was going to happen now. I wanteddesperatelytoknowhowweweregoingtodie–asifthatwouldsomehowmakeit better, knowing in advance. But I couldn't speak, even in a whisper,surroundedaswewere.Theotherscouldheareverything–myeverybreath,myeveryheartbeat.

Thepathbeneathourfeetcontinuedtoslantdownward,takingusdeeperintotheground, and itmademe claustrophobic.OnlyEdward's hand, soothing againstmyface,keptmefromscreamingoutloud.

Icouldn't tellwhere the lightwascomingfrom,but itslowly turneddarkgrayinsteadofblack.Wewereinalow,archedtunnel.Longtrailsofebonymoistureseepeddownthegraystones,liketheywerebleedingink.

Iwasshaking,andIthoughtitwasfromfear.Itwasn'tuntilmyteethstartedtochatter together that I realized Iwas cold.My clotheswere still wet, and thetemperatureunderneaththecitywaswintry.AswasEdward'sskin.

HerealizedthisatthesametimeIdid,andletgoofme,keepingonlymyhand."N-n-no," I chattered, throwingmy arms around him. I didn't care if I froze.Whoknewhowlongwehadleft?Hiscoldhandchafedagainstmyarm,tryingtowarmmewiththefriction.Wehurriedthroughthetunnel,oritfeltlikehurryingtome.Myslowprogressirritatedsomeone–IguessedFelix–andIheardhimheaveasighnowandthen.

Attheendofthetunnelwasagrate–theironbarswererusting,butthickasmyarm.Asmalldoormadeof thinner, interlacedbarswasstandingopen.Edwardducked through and hurried on to a larger, brighter stone room. The grilleslammedshutwithaclang, followedbythesnapofalock.Iwastooafraidtolookbehindme.

Ontheothersideofthelongroomwasalow,heavywoodendoor.Itwasverythick–asIcouldtellbecauseit,too,stoodopen.We stepped through the door, and I glanced around me in surprise, relaxingautomatically.Besideme,Edwardtensed,hisjawclenchedtight.21VERDICT

WEWEREINABRIGHTLYLIT,UNREMARKABLEHALLWAY.Thewallswere off-white, the floor carpeted in industrial gray. Common rectangularfluorescentlightswerespacedevenlyalongtheceiling.Itwaswarmerhere,forwhich I was grateful. This hall seemed very benign after the gloom of theghoulishstonesewers.

Edwarddidn'tseemtoagreewithmyassessment.Heglowereddarklydownthelonghallway,towardtheslight,blackshroudedfigureattheend,standingbyanelevator.He pulledme along, andAlicewalked onmy other side. The heavydoorcreakedshutbehindus,andthentherewasthethudofaboltslidinghome.Jane waited by the elevator, one hand holding the doors open for us. Herexpressionwasapathetic.

Onceinsidetheelevator,thethreevampiresthatbelongedtotheVolturirelaxedfurther. They threw back their cloaks, letting the hoods fall back on theirshoulders.FelixandDemetriwerebothofaslightlyolivecomplexion–itlookedoddcombinedwiththeirchalkypallor.Felix'sblackhairwascroppedshort,butDemetri's waved to his shoulders. Their irises were deep crimson around theedges,darkeninguntiltheywereblackaroundthepupil.Undertheshrouds,theirclothesweremodern, pale, and nondescript. I cowered in the corner, cringingagainstEdward.Hishandstillrubbedagainstmyarm.HenevertookhiseyesoffJane.

Theelevatorridewasshort;westeppedoutintowhatlookedlikeaposhofficereception area. Thewalls were paneled in wood, the floors carpeted in thick,deep green. There were no windows, but large, brightly lit paintings of theTuscancountrysidehungeverywhereasreplacements.Paleleathercoucheswerearranged in cozy groupings, and the glossy tables held crystal vases full ofvibrantlycoloredbouquets.Theflowers'smellremindedmeofafuneralhome.

Inthemiddleoftheroomwasahigh,polishedmahoganycounter.Igawkedinastonishmentatthewomanbehindit.

Shewastall,withdarkskinandgreeneyes.Shewouldhavebeenveryprettyinanyothercompany–butnothere.BecauseshewaseverybitashumanasIwas.Icouldn't comprehendwhat this humanwomanwas doing here, totally at ease,surroundedbyvampnes.

Shesmiledpolitelyinwelcome."Goodafternoon,Jane,"shesaid.TherewasnosurpriseinherfaceassheglancedatJane'scompany.NotEdward,hisbarechestglinting dimly in the white lights, or even me, disheveled and comparativelyhideous.

Janenodded."Gianna."Shecontinuedtowardasetofdoubledoorsinthebackoftheroom,andwefollowed.AsFelixpassedthedesk,hewinkedatGianna,andshegiggled.

On the other side of thewooden doorswas a different kind of reception.ThepaleboyinthepearlgraysuitcouldhavebeenJane'stwin.Hishairwasdarker,andhislipswerenotasfull,buthewasjustaslovely.Hecameforwardtomeetus.Hesmiled,reachingforher."Jane."

"Alec," she responded, embracing theboy.Theykissedeachother's cheeksonbothsides.Thenhelookedatus."Theysendyououtforoneandyoucomebackwithtwo…andahalf,"henoted,lookingatme."Nicework."

She laughed–the sound sparkled with delight like a baby's cooing. "Welcomeback,Edward,"Alecgreetedhim."Youseeminabettermood."

"Marginally,"Edwardagreedinaflatvoice.IglancedatEdward'shardface,andwonderedhowhismoodcouldhavebeendarkerbefore.Alecchuckled,andexaminedmeas Iclung toEdward's side. "And this is thecauseofallthetrouble?"heasked,skeptical.

Edwardonlysmiled,hisexpressioncontemptuous.Thenhefroze."Dibs,"Felixcalledcasuallyfrombehind.

Edwardturned,alowsnarlbuildingdeepinhischest.Felixsmiled–hishandwasraised,palmup;hecurledhisfingerstwice,invitingEdwardforward.AlicetouchedEdward'sarm."Patience,"shecautionedhim.

Theyexchangeda longglance,andIwishedIcouldhearwhatshewastellinghim. I figured that it was something to do with not attacking Felix, becauseEdwardtookadeepbreathandturnedbacktoAlec.

"Arowillbesopleasedtoseeyouagain,"Alecsaid,as ifnothinghadpassed."Let'snotkeephimwaiting,"Janesuggested.Edwardnoddedonce.

AlecandJane,holdinghands,ledthewaydownyetanotherwide,ornatehall–wouldthereeverbeanend?

They ignored thedoorsat theendof thehall–doorsentirelysheathed ingold–stopping halfway down the hall and sliding aside a piece of the paneling toexposeaplainwoodendoor.Itwasn'tlocked.AlechelditopenforJane.IwantedtogroanwhenEdwardpulledmethroughtotheothersideofthedoor.Itwasthesameancientstoneasthesquare,thealley,andthesewers.Anditwas

darkandcoldagain.

The stone antechamber was not large. It opened quickly into a brighter,cavernousroom,perfectlyroundlikeahugecastleturret…whichwasprobablyexactlywhatitwas.

Twostoriesup, longwindowslits threwthinrectanglesofbrightsunlightontothestone floorbelow.Therewerenoartificial lights.Theonly furniture in theroom were several massive wooden chairs, like thrones, that were spacedunevenly,flushwiththecurvingstonewalls.Intheverycenterofthecircle,inaslightdepression,wasanotherdrain. Iwondered if theyused itasanexit, liketheholeinthestreet.

The room was not empty. A handful of people were convened in seeminglyrelaxedconversation.Themurmurof low, smoothvoiceswasagentlehum intheair.AsIwatched,apairofpalewomeninsummerdressespausedinapatchof light,and, likeprisms, theirskin threwthelight inrainbowsparklesagainstthesiennawalls.

Theexquisitefacesallturnedtowardourpartyasweenteredtheroom.Mostofthe immortals were dressed in inconspicuous pants and shirts–things thatwouldn'tstickoutatallonthestreetsbelow.Butthemanwhospokefirstworeoneof the long robes. Itwaspitch-black, andbrushed against the floor.For amoment,Ithoughthislong,jet-blackhairwasthehoodofhiscloak.

"Jane,dearone,you'vereturned!"hecriedinevidentdelight.Hisvoicewasjustasoftsighing.

He drifted forward, and the movement flowed with such surreal grace that Igawked,mymouthhangmgopen.EvenAlice,whoseeverymotionlookedlikedancing,couldnotcompare.

IwasonlymoreastonishedashefloatedcloserandIcouldseehisface.Itwasnot like the unnaturally attractive faces that surrounded him (for he did notapproachusalone;theentiregroupconvergedaroundhim,somefollowing,andsome walking ahead of him with the alert manner of bodyguards). I couldn'tdecideifhisfacewasbeautifulornot.Isupposethefeatureswereperfect.Buthewasasdifferentfromthevampiresbesidehimastheywerefromme.Hisskinwastranslucentlywhite,likeonionskin,anditlookedjustasdelicate–itstoodinshocking contrast to the long black hair that framed his face. I felt a strange,horrifying urge to touch his cheek, to see if it was softer than Edward's orAlice's, or if it was powdery, like chalk. His eyes were red, the same as the

others aroundhim,but the colorwas clouded,milky; Iwondered if hisvisionwasaffectedbythehaze.

HeglidedtoJane,tookherfaceinhispaperyhands,kissedherlightlyonherfulllips,andthenfloatedbackastep.

"Yes,Master."Janesmiled;theexpressionmadeherlooklikeanangelicchild."Ibroughthimbackalive, justasyouwished.""Ah,Jane."Hesmiled, too."Youare sucha comfort tome."He turnedhismisty eyes towardus, and the smilebrightened–becameecstatic.

"AndAliceandBella,too!"herejoiced,clappinghisthinhandstogether."Thisisahappysurprise!Wonderful!"I stared in shock ashe calledournames informally, as ifwewereold friendsdroppinginforanunexpectedvisit.Heturnedtoourhulkingescort."Felix,beadearandtellmybrothersaboutourcompany.I'msuretheywouldn'twanttomissthis.""Yes,Master."Felixnoddedanddisappearedbackthewaywehadcome.

"You see, Edward?" The strange vampire turned and smiled at Edward like afondbutscoldinggrandfather."WhatdidItellyou?Aren'tyougladthatIdidn'tgiveyouwhatyouwantedyesterday?"

"Yes,Aro,Iam,"heagreed,tighteninghisarmaroundmywaist.

"I love ahappyending."Aro sighed. "Theyare so rare.But Iwant thewholestory.How did this happen?Alice?"He turned to gaze atAlicewith curious,misty eyes. "Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently therewassomemistake."

"Oh,I'mfarfrominfallible."Sheflashedadazzlingsmile.Shelookedperfectlyatease,exceptthatherhandswereballedintotightlittlefists."Asyoucanseetoday,IcauseproblemsasoftenasIcurethem."

"You're too modest," Aro chided. "I've seen some of your more amazingexploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent.Wonderful!"AliceflickeredaglanceatEdward.Arodidnotmissit.

"I'msorry,wehaven'tbeen introducedproperlyatall,havewe? It's just that Ifeel like I know you already, and I tend get ahead of myself. Your brotherintroduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of yourbrother'stalent,onlyIamlimitedinawaythatheisnot."Aroshookhishead;

histonewasenvious.

"And also exponentially more powerful," Edward added dryly. He looked atAliceasheswiftlyexplained."Aroneedsphysicalcontacttohearyourthoughts,but he hearsmuchmore than I do.You know I can only hearwhat's passingthroughyourheadinthemoment.Arohearseverythoughtyourmindhaseverhad."

Aliceraisedherdelicateeyebrows,andEdwardinclinedhishead.Arodidn'tmissthateither.

"Buttobeabletohearfromadistance…"Arosighed,gesturingtowardthetwoof them, and the exchange that had just taken place. "That would be soconvenient."Arolookedoverourshoulders.Alltheotherheadsturnedinthesamedirection,includingJane,Alec,andDemetri,whostoodsilentlybesideus.

I was the slowest to turn. Felix was back, and behind him floated two moreblack-robed men. Both looked very much like Aro, one even had the sameflowingblackhair.Theotherhadashockofsnow-whitehair–thesameshadeashisface–thatbrushedagainsthisshoulders.Theirfaceshadidentical,paper-thinskin.

The trio from Carlisle's painting was complete, unchanged by the last threehundredyearssinceitwaspainted."Marcus,Caius, look!"Arocrooned."Bella isaliveafterall,andAlice isherewithher!Isn'tthatwonderful?"

Neither of the other two looked as ifwonderfulwould be their first choice ofwords. The dark-haired man seemed utterly bored, like he'd seen too manymillenniaofAro'senthusiasm.Theother'shicewassourunderthesnowyhair.

TheirlackofinterestdidnotcurbAro'senjoyment."Letushavethestory,"Aroalmostsanginhisfeatheryvoice.

The white-haired ancient vampire drifted away, gliding toward one of thewoodenthrones.TheotherpausedbesideAro,andhereachedhishandout,atfirstIthoughttotakeAro'shand.ButhejusttouchedAro'spalmbrieflyandthendropped his hand to his side.Aro raised one black brow. Iwondered howhispaperyskindidnotcrumpleintheeffort.

Edwardsnortedveryquietly,andAlicelookedathim,curious."Thankyou,Marcus,"Arosaid."That'squiteinteresting."

Irealized,asecondlate,thatMarcuswaslettingAroknowhisthoughts.

Marcus didn't look interested. He glided away fromAro to join the one whomustbeCaius,seatedagainstthewall.Twooftheattendingvampiresfollowedsilentlybehindhim–bodyguards,likeI'dthoughtbefore.Icouldseethatthetwowomen in the sundresses hadgone to standbesideCaius in the samemanner.The idea of any vampire needing a guard was faintly ridiculous to me, butmaybetheancientoneswereasfrailastheirskinsuggested.

Arowasshakinghishead."Amazing,"'hesaid."Absolutelyamazing."Alice'sexpressionwasfrustrated.Edwardturnedtoherandexplainedagaininaswift, lowvoice. "Marcus sees relationships.He's surprisedby the intensityofours."

Aro smiled. "So convenient," he repeated to himself.Thenhe spoke to us. "IttakesquiteabittosurpriseMarcus,Icanassureyou."IlookedatMarcus'sdeadface,andIbelievedthat.

"It's justsodifficult tounderstand,evennow,"Aromused,staringatEdward'sarmwrapped aroundme. It was hard for me to followAro's chaotic train ofthought.Istruggledtokeepup."Howcanyoustandsoclosetohetlikethat?"

"It's not without effort," Edward answered calmly. "But still–la tua cantante!What awaste!"Edward chuckledoncewithout humor. "I look at itmore as aprice."Arowasskeptical."Averyhighprice.""Opportunitycost."

Aro laughed. "If I hadn't smelledher throughyourmemories, Iwouldn't havebelieved thecallofanyone'sbloodcouldbesostrong. I'venever feltanythinglikeitmyself.Mostofuswouldtrademuchforsuchagift,andyetyou…"

"Waste it,"Edward finished, his voice sarcastic now.Aro laughed again. "Ah,how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him–only he was not soangry.""Carlisleoutshinesmeinmanyotherwaysaswell.""IcertainlyneverthoughttoseeCarlislebestedforself-controlofallthings,butyouputhimtoshame.""Hardly."Edwardsoundedimpatient.Asifheweretiredofthepreliminaries.Itmadememoreafraid;Icouldn'thelpbuttrytoimaginewhatheexpectedwouldfollow.

"Iamgratifiedbyhissuccess,"Aromused."Yourmemoriesofhimarequiteagift forme, though they astonishme exceedingly. I am surprised by how it…pleasesme,hissuccess in thisunorthodoxpathhe'schosen. Iexpected thathe

wouldwaste,weakenwithtime.I'dscoffedathisplantofindotherswhowouldsharehispeculiarvision.Yet,somehow,I'mhappytobewrong."

Edwarddidn'treply."Butyourrestraint!"Arosighed."Ididnotknowsuchstrengthwaspossible.Toinureyourselfagainstsuchasirencall,notjustoncebutagainandagain–ifIhadnotfeltitmyself,Iwouldnothavebelieved."

EdwardgazedbackatAro'sadmirationwithnoexpression.Iknewhisfacewellenough–timehadnot changed that–toguessat something seethingbeneath thesurface.Ifoughttokeepmybreathingeven.

"Just remembering how she appeals to you…" Aro chuckled. "It makes methirsty."Edwardtensed.

"Don't be disturbed," Aro reassured him. "I mean her no harm. But I am socurious,aboutonethinginparticular."Heeyedmewithbrightinterest."MayI?"heaskedeagerly,liftingonehand.

"Askher,"Edwardsuggestedinaflatvoice.

"Ofcourse,howrudeofme!"Aroexclaimed."Bella,"headdressedmedirectlynow. "I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressivetalent–soveryinterestingthatsuchathingshouldoccur!AndIwaswondering,sinceourtalentsaresimilarinmanyways,ifyouwouldbesokindastoallowmetotry–toseeifyouareanexceptionforme,aswell?"

MyeyesflasheduptoEdward'sfaceinterror.DespiteAro'sovertpoliteness,Ididn'tbelieveIreallyhadachoice.Iwashorrifiedatthethoughtofallowinghimtotouchme,andyetalsoperverselyintriguedbythechancetofeelhisstrangeskin.

Edwardnoddedinencouragement–whetherbecausehewassureArowouldnothurtme,orbecausetherewasnochoice,Icouldn'ttell.IturnedbacktoAroandraisedmyhandslowlyinfrontofme.Itwastrembling.

Heglidedcloser,andIbelievehemeanthisexpressiontobereassuring.Buthispaperyfeaturesweretoostrange,tooalienandfrightening,toreassure.Thelookonhisfacewasmoreconfidentthanhiswordshadbeen.

Aro reachedout,as if toshakemyhand,andpressedhis insubstantial-lookingskinagainstmine.Itwashard,butfeltbrittle–shaleratherthangranite–andevencolder than I expected. His filmy eyes smiled down at mine, and it wasimpossibletolookaway.Theyweremesmerizinginanodd,unpleasantway.

Aro'sfacealteredasIwatched.Theconfidencewaveredandbecamefirstdoubt,thenincredulitybeforehecalmeditintoafriendlymask."Soveryinteresting,"hesaidashereleasedmyhandanddriftedback.

MyeyesflickeredtoEdward,and,thoughhisfacewascomposed,Ithoughtheseemedalittlesmug.

Arocontinuedtodriftwnhathoughtfulexpression.Hewasquietforamoment,hiseyesflickeringbetweenthethreeofus.Then,abruptly,heshookhishead."Afirst,"he said tohimself "Iwonder if she is immune toourother talents…Jane, dear?" "No!" Edward snarled the word. Alice grabbed his arm with arestraininghand.Heshookheroff.LittleJanesmileduphappilyatAro."Yes,Master?"

Edwardwastrulysnarlingnow,thesoundrippingandtearingfromhim,glaringatArowithbalefuleyes.Theroomhadgonestill,everyonewatchinghimwithamazeddisbelief,asifhewerecommittingsomeembarrassingsocialfauxpas.IsawFelixgrinhopefullyandmoveastepforward.Aroglancedathimonce,andhefrozeinplace,hisgrinturningtoasulkyexpression.

Thenhe spoke to Jane. "Iwaswondering,mydearone, ifBella is immune toyou." I could barely hearAro overEdward's furious growls.He let go ofme,moving to hide me from their view. Caius ghosted in our direction, with hisentourage,towatch.

Janeturnedtowarduswithabeatificsmile."Don't!"AlicecriedasEdwardlaunchedhimselfatthelittlegirl.

Before I could react, before anyone could jump between them, before Aro'sbodyguardscouldtense,Edwardwasontheground.No one had touched him, but he was on the stone floor writhing in obviousagony,whileIstaredinhorror.

Janewas smilingonlyathimnow,and it all clicked together.WhatAlicehadsaidaboutformidablegifts,whyeveryonetreatedJanewithsuchdeference,andwhyEdwardhadthrownhimselfinherpathbeforeshecoulddothattome.

"Stop!" I shrieked, my voice echoing in the silence, jumping forward to putmyself between them.ButAlice threwher armsaroundme in anunbreakablegraspandignoredmystruggles.NosoundescapedEdward'slipsashecringedagainstthestones.Itfeltlikemyheadwouldexplodefromthepainofwatchingthis.

"Jane,"Arorecalledherinatranquilvoice.Shelookedupquickly,stillsmilingwithpleasure,hereyesquestioning.AssoonasJanelookedaway,Edwardwasstill.Aroinclinedhisheadtowardme.Janeturnedhersmileinmydirection.Ididn'tevenmeethergaze.IwatchedEdwardfromtheprisonofAlice'sarms,stillstrugglingpointlessly.

"He'sfine,"Alicewhisperedinatightvoice.Asshespoke,hesatup,andthensprang lightly to his feet.His eyesmetmine, and theywere horror-struck.AtfirstIthoughtthehorrorwasforwhathehadjustsuffered.ButthenhelookedquicklyatJane,andbacktome–andhisfacerelaxedintorelief.

I looked at Jane, too, and she no longer smiled. She glared at me, her jawclenchedwiththeintensityofherfocus.Ishrankback,waitingforthepain.

Nothinghappened.Edwardwasbymysideagain.HetouchedAlice'sarm,andshesurrenderedmetohim.Arostartedtolaugh."Ha,ha.ha,"hechuckled."Thisiswonderful!"Janehissedinfrustration,leaningforwardlikeshewaspreparingtospring.

"Don'tbeputout,dearone,"Arosaid inacomfortingtone,placingapowder-lighthandonhershoulder."Sheconfoundsusall."Jane'supperlipcurledbackeverherteethasshecontinuedtoglareatme."Ha,ha,ha,"Arochortledagain."You'reverybrave,Edward,toendureinsilence.Iasked Jane to do that tome once–just out of curiosity."He shook his head inadmiration.

Edwardglared,disgusted."Sowhatdowedowithyounow?"Arosighed.EdwardandAlicestiffened.Thiswasthepartthey'dbeenwaitingfor.Ibegantotremble.

"Idon'tsupposethere'sanychancethatyou'vechangedyourmind?"AroaskedEdward hopefully. "Your talent would be an excellent addition to our littlecompany."

Edward hesitated. From the corner of my eye, I saw both Felix and Janegrimace.Edwardseemedtoweigheachwordbeforehespokeit."I'd…rather…not." "Alice?" Aro asked, still hopeful. "Would you perhaps be interested injoiningwithus?""No,thankyou,"Alicesaid."Andyou,Bella?"Aroraisedhiseyebrows.

Edwardhissed,lowinmyears.IstaredatAroblankly.Washejoking?OrwashereallyaskingmeifIwantedtostayfordinner?

Itwas thewhite-hairedCaiuswhobroke thesilence."What?"hedemandedofAro;hisvoice,thoughnomorethanawhisper,wasflat.

"Caius, surelyyousee thepotential,"Arochidedhimaffectionately. "Ihaven'tseenaprospectivetalentsopromisingsincewefoundJaneandAlec.Canyouimaginethepossibilitieswhensheisoneofus?"

Caius looked away with a caustic expression. Jane's eyes sparked withindignationatthecomparison.Edwardfumedbesideme.Icouldheararumbleinhischest,buildingtowardagrowl.Icouldn'tlethistempergethimhurt.

"No,thankyou,"Ispokeupinbarelymorethanawhisper,myvoicebreakinginfright.Arosighed."That'sunfortunate.Suchawaste."

Edward hissed. "Join or die, is that it? I suspected as much when we werebroughttothisroom.Somuchforyourlaws."Thetoneofhisvoicesurprisedme.Hesoundedirate,but therewassomethingdeliberateabouthisdelivery–asifhe'dchosenhiswordswithgreatcare."Of course not." Aro blinked, astonished. "We were already convened here,Edward,awaitingHeidi'sreturn.Notforyou.""Aro,"Caiushissed."Thelawclaimsthem."Edward glared atCaius. "How so?" he demanded.Hemust have knownwhatCaiuswasthinking,butheseemeddeterminedtomakehimspeakitaloud.Caiuspointedaskeletalfingeratme."Sheknowstoomuch.Youhaveexposedoursecrets."Hisvoicewaspaperythin,justlikehisskin."Therearea fewhumans inonyourcharadehere, aswell,"Edward remindedhim,andIthoughtoftheprettyreceptionistbelow.Caius'sfacetwistedintoanewexpression.Wasitsupposedtobeasmiled.

"Yes,"heagreed."Butwhen theyarenolongeruseful tous, theywillservetosustainus.Thatisnotyourplanforthisone.Ifshebetraysoursecrets,areyoupreparedtodestroyher?Ithinknot,"hescoffed.

"Iwouldn't–,"Ibegan,stillwhispering.Caiussilencedmewithanicylook."Nordoyouintendtomakeheroneofus,"Caiuscontinued."Therefore,sheisavulnerability.Thoughitistrue,forthis,onlyherlifeisforfeit.Youmayleaveifyou wish." Edward bared his teeth. "That's what I thought," Caius said, withsomethingakintopleasure.Felixleanedforward,eager.

"Unless…"Arointerrupted.Helookedunhappywith thewaytheconversationhadgone."Unlessyoudointendtogiveherimmortality?"Edwardpursedhis lips,hesitatingforamomentbeforeheanswered."Andif Ido?"

Arosmiled,happyagain."Why,thenyouwouldbefreetogohomeandgivemyregards tomy friend Carlisle." His expression turnedmore hesitant. "But I'mafraidyouwouldhavetomeanit."

Aro raisedhishand in frontofhim.Caius,whohadbegun to scowl furiously,relaxed.Edward'slipstightenedintoafierceline.Hestaredintomyeyes,andIstaredback."Meanit,"Iwhispered."Please."

Wasitreallysuchaloathsomeidea?Wouldheratherdiethanchangeme?IfeltlikeI'dbeenkickedinthestomach.Edwardstareddownatmewitha torturedexpression.And thenAlicesteppedawayfromus,forwardtowardAro.Weturnedtowatchher.Herhandwasraisedlikehis.Shedidn'tsayanything,andArowavedoffhisanxiousguardastheymovedtoblock her approach. Aro met her halfway, and took her hand with an eager,acquisitiveglintinhiseyes.Hebenthisheadovertheirtouchinghands,hiseyesclosing as he concentrated. Alice was motionless, her face blank. I heardEdward'steethsnaptogether.

Noonemoved.AroseemedfrozenoverAlice'shand.ThesecondspassedandIgrewmoreandmorestressed,wonderinghowmuch timewouldpassbefore itwastoomuchtime.Beforeitmeantsomethingwaswrong–morewrongthanitalreadywas.

Anotheragonizingmomentpassed,andthenAro'svoicebrokethesilence."Ha,ha,ha,"he laughed,hisheadstillbent forward.He lookedupslowly,hiseyesbrightwithexcitement."Thatwasfascinating!"

Alice smileddryly. "I'mgladyouenjoyed it." "To see the thingsyou've seen–especially the ones that haven't happened yet!"He shook his head inwonder."But thatwill,"sheremindedhim,voicecalm."Yes,yes, it'squitedetermined.Certainly there's no problem."Caius looked bitterly disappointed–a feeling heseemedtosharewithFelixandJane."Aro,"Caiuscomplained.

"DearCaius,"Arosmiled."Donotfret.Thinkofthepossibilities!Theydonotjoin us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy youngAlicealonewouldbringtoourlittlehousehold…Besides,I'msoterriblycurious

toseehowBellaturnsout!"

Aroseemedconvinced.DidhenotrealizehowsubjectiveAlice'svisionswere.'That she couldmake up hermind to transformme today, and then change ittomorrow? A million tiny decisions, her decisions and so many others', too–Edward's–couldalterherpath,andwiththat,thefuture.

AndwoulditreallymatterthatAlicewaswilling,woulditmakeanydifferenceifIdidbecomeavampire,whentheideawassorepulsivetoEdward?Ifdeathwas, to him, a better alternative than havingme around forever, an immortalannoyance? Terrified as I was, I felt myself sinking down into depression,drowninginit…

"Thenwearefreetogonow?"Edwardaskedinanevenvoice."Yes, yes," Aro said pleasantly. "But please visit again. It's been absolutelyenthralling!"

"Andwewillvisityouaswell,"Caiuspromised,hiseyessuddenlyhalf-closedlike theheavy-liddedgazeof a lizard. "Tobe sure thatyou follow throughonyour side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer secondchances."

Edward'sjawclenchedtight,buthenoddedonce.Caius smirked and drifted back to where Marcus still sat, unmoving anduninterested.Felixgroaned."Ah,Felix."Arosmiled,amused."Heidiwillbehereatanymoment.Patience."

"Hmm."Edward'svoicehadanewedgetoit."Inthatcase,perhapswe'dbetterleavesoonerratherthanlater.""Yes,"Aroagreed."That'sagoodidea.Accidentsdohappen.Pleasewaitbelowuntilafterdark,though,ifyoudon'tmind."

"Of course,"Edward agreed,while I cringed at the thought ofwaitingout thedaybeforewecouldescape."Andhere,"Aroadded,motioningtoFelixwithonefinger.Felixcameforwardatonce,andArounfastenedthegraycloakthehugevampirewore,pullingfromhisshoulders.HetossedittoEdward."Takethis.You'realittleconspicuous."

Edwardputthelongcloakon,leavingthehooddown.Arosighed."Itsuitsyou."

Edward chuckled, but broke off suddenly, glancing over his shoulder. "Thankyou,Aro.We'llwaitbelow."

"Goodbye, young friends,"Aro said, his eyes bright as he stared in the samedirection."Let'sgo,"Edwardsaid,urgentnow.

Demetrigesturedthatweshouldfollow,andthensetoffthewaywe'dcomein,theonlyexitbythelookofthings.

Edwardpulledmeswiftlyalongbesidehim.Alicewasclosebymyotherside,herfacehard."Notfastenough,"shemuttered.

Istaredupather,frightened,butsheonlyseemedchagrined.ItwasthenthatIfirst heard the babble of voices–loud, rough voices–coming from theantechamber.

"Wellthisisunusual,"aman'scoarsevoiceboomed."Somedieval,"anunpleasantlyshrill,femalevoicegushedback.

A large crowd was coming through the little door, filling the smaller stonechamber.Demetrimotionedforus tomakeroom.Wepressedbackagainst thecoldwall to let thempass. The couple in front,Americans from the sound ofthem,glancedaroundthemselveswithappraisingeyes."Welcome, guests!Welcome toVolterra!" I could hearAro sing from the bigturretroom.

Therestof them,maybefortyormore, filed inafter thecouple.Somestudiedthesettingliketourists.Afewevensnappedpictures.Otherslookedconfused,asif the story that had led them to this roomwas notmaking sense anymore. Inoticedonesmall,darkwomaninparticular.Aroundherneckwasarosary,andshe gripped the cross tightly in one hand. She walked more slowly than theothers, touchingsomeonenowandthenandaskingaquestioninanunfamiliarlanguage.Nooneseemedtounderstandher,andhervoicegrewmorepanicked.

Edward pulled my face against his chest, but it was too late. I alreadyunderstood.Assoonasthesmallestbreakappeared,Edwardpushedmequicklytowardthedoor.Icouldfeelthehorrifiedexpressiononmyface,andthetearsbeginningtopoolinmyeyes.

Theornategoldenhallwaywasquiet,emptyexceptforonegorgeous,statuesquewoman.Shestaredatuscuriously,meinparticular."Welcome home, Heidi," Demetri greeted her from behind us. Heidi smiledabsently.SheremindedmeofRosalie,thoughtheylookednothingalike–itwasjustthatherbeauty,too,wasexceptional,unforgettable.Icouldn'tseemtolookaway.

Shewasdressed to emphasize that beauty.Her amazingly long legs, darkenedwithtights,wereexposedbytheshortestofminiskirts.Hertopwaslong-sleevedandhigh-necked,butextremelyclose-fitting,andconstructedof redvinyl.Herlong mahogany hair was lustrous, and her eyes were the strangest shade ofviolet–acolorthatmightresultfromblue-tintedcontactsoverredirises.

"Demetri,"sherespondedinasilkyvoice,hereyesflickeringbetweenmyfaceandEdward'sgraycloak."Nice fishing," Demetri complimented her, and I suddenly understood theattention-grabbingoutfitshewore…shewasnotonlythefisherman,butalsothebait.

"Thanks."Sheflashedastunningsmile."Aren'tyoucoming?""Inaminute.Saveafewforme."Heidinoddedandduckedthroughthedoorwithonelastcuriouslookatme.

Edward set a pace that hadme running to keep up. But we still couldn't getthroughtheornatedoorattheendofthehallwaybeforethescreamingstarted.22FLIGHT

DEMETRILEFTUS INTHECHEERFULLYOPULENTRECEPTION area,where the woman Gianna was still at her post behind the polished counter.Bright,harmlessmusictinkledfromhiddenspeakers.

"Donotleaveuntildark,"hewarnedus.Edwardnodded,andDemetrihurriedaway.

Gianna did not seem at all surprised by the exchange, though she did eyeEdward'sborrowedcloakwithshrewdspeculation.

"Are you all right?" Edward asked under his breath, to low for the humanwomantohear.Hisvoicewasrough–ifvelvetcanberough–withanxiety.Stillstressedbyoursituation,Iimagined.

"You'dbettermakehersitbeforeshefalls,"Alicesaid."She'sgoingtopieces."

It was only then that I realize I was shaking, shaking hard, my entire framevibrating untilmy teeth chattered and the room aroundme seemed towobbleandblurinmyeyes.Foronewildsecond,IwonderedifthiswashowJacobfeltjustbeforeexplodingintoawerewolf.

I heard a sound that didn't make sense, a strange, ripping counterpart to theotherwise cheery backgroundmusic. Distracted by the shaking, I couldn't tellwhereitwascomingfrom."Shh,Bella,shh,"Edwardsaidashepulledmetothe

sofafarthestawayfromthecurioushumanatthedesk.

"I think she's having hysterics.Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested.Edwardthrewafranticglanceather.

Then I understood. Oh. The noise was me. The ripping sound was the sobscomingfrommychest.That'swhatwasshakingme."It'sallright,you'resafe,it'sallright,"hechantedagainandagain.Hepulledneontohislapandtuckedthethickwoolcloakaroundme,protectingmefromhiscoldskin.

Iknewitwasstupidtoreactlikethis.WhoknewhowmuchtimeIhadtolookathisrace?Hewassaved,andIwassaved,andhecouldleavemeassoonaswewerefree.TohavemyeyessofilledwithtearsthatIcouldnotseehisfeaturesclearlywaswasteful–insanity.

But,behindmyeyeswherethetearscouldnotwashtheimageaway,Icouldstillseethepanickedfaceofthetinywomanwiththerosary.

"Allthosepeople,"Isobbed."Iknow,"hewhispered."It'ssohorrible.""Yes,itis.Iwishyouhadn'thadtoseethat."

Irestedmyheadagainsthiscoldchest,usingthethickcloaktowipemyeyes.Itookafewdeepbreaths,tryingtocalmmyself.

"IsthereanythingIcangetyou?"avoiceaskedpolitely.ItwasGianna,leaningover Edward's shoulder with a look that was both concerned and yet stillprofessionalanddetachedatthesametime.Itdidn'tseemtobotherherthatherfacewasinchesfromahostilevampire.Shewaseithertotallyoblivious,orverygoodatherjob.

"No,"Edwardansweredcoldly.Shenodded,smiledatme,andthendisappeared.

Iwaited until shewas out of hearing range. "Does she knowwhat's going onhere?" Idemanded,myvoice lowandhoarse. Iwasgettingcontrolofmyself,mybreathingeveningout.

"Yes.Sheknowseverything,"Edwardtoldme."Doessheknowthey'regoingtokillhersomeday?""She'sknowsit'sapossibility,"hesaid.Thatsurprisedme.Edward'sfacewashardtoread."She'shopingthey'lldecidetokeepher."

Ifeltthebloodleavemyface."Shewantstobeoneofthem?"Henoddedonce,hiseyessharponmyface,watchingmyreaction.

Ishuddered."Howcanshewantthat?"Iwhispered,moretomyselfthanreallylooking for an answer. "How can she watch those people file through to thathideousroomandwanttobeapartofthat?"

Edwarddidn'tanswer.HisexpressiontwistedinresponsetosomethingI'dsaid.

AsIstaredathistoobeautifulface,tryingtounderstandthechange,itsuddenlystruckmethatIwasreallyhere,inEdward'sarms,howeverfleetingly,andthatwewerenot–atthisexactmoment–abouttobekilled.

"Oh,Edward," Icried,and Iwassobbingagain. Itwassuchastupid reaction.Thetearsweretoothickformetoseehisfaceagain,andthatwasinexcusable.Ionlyhaduntilsunsetforsure.Likeafairytaleagain,withdeadlinesthatendedthemagic."What'swrong?"heasked,stillanxious,rubbingmybackwithgentlepats.

Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneck–whatwastheworsthecoulddo?Justpushmeaway–andhuggedmyselfclosertohim."Isitreallysickformetobehappyrightnow?"Iasked.Myvoicebroketwice.

Hedidn'tpushmeaway.Hepulledmetightagainsthisice-hardchest,sotightitwashard tobreathe,evenwithmylungssecurely intact."Iknowexactlywhatyoumean," hewhispered. "Butwehave lots of reasons to behappy.For one,we'realive."

"Yes,"Iagreed."That'sagoodone.""Andtogether,"hebreathed.Hisbreathwasso sweet itmademyhead swim. I just nodded, sure that he did not place thesameweighton that consideration as I did. "And,with any luck,we'll still bealivetomorrow.""Hopefully,"Isaiduneasily.

"Theoutlook isquitegood,"Aliceassuredme.She'dbeensoquiet, I'dalmostforgottenherpresence."I'llseeJasperinlessthantwenty-fourhours,"sheaddedinasatisfiedtone.LuckyAlice.Shecouldtrustherfuture.

Icouldn'tkeepmyeyesoffofEdward'sfacefor long.Istaredathim,wishingmorethananythingthatthefuturewouldneverhappen.Thatthismomentwouldlastforever,or,ifitcouldn't,thatIwouldstopexistingwhenitdid.

Edward stared rightbackatme,hisdarkeyes soft, and itwaseasy topretendthathefeltthesameway.Sothat'swhatIdid.Ipretended,tomakethemomentsweeter.

His fingertips traced thecirclesundermyeyes."You lookso tired.""Andyoulook thirsty," I whispered back, studying the purple bruises under his blackirises.Heshrugged."It'snothing."

"Areyousure?IcouldsitwithAlice,"Ioffered,unwilling;I'dratherhekilledmenowthanmoveoneinchfromwhereIwas."Don'tberidiculous."Hesighed;hissweetbreathcaressedmyface."I'veneverbeeninbettercontrolofthatsideofmynaturethanrightnow."Ihadamillionquestions forhim.Oneof thembubbled tomy lipsnow,but Iheldmytongue.

Ididn'twant toruinthemoment,as imperfectas itwas,hereinthisroomthatmademesick,undertheeyesofthewould-bemonster.

Hereinhisarms,itwassoeasytofantasizethathewantedme.Ididn'twanttothink about hismotivations now–aboutwhether he acted thisway to keepmecalmwhilewewerestillindanger,orifhejustfeltguiltyforwherewewereandrelievedthathewasn'tresponsibleformydeath.MaybethetimeaparthadbeenenoughthatIdidn'tborehimforthemoment.Butitdidn'tmatter.Iwassomuchhappierpretending.

Ilayquietinhisarms,re-memorizinghisface,pretending…

Hestaredatmyfacelikehewasdoingthesame,whileheandAlicediscussedhow to get home. Their voices were so quick and low that I knew Giannacouldn'tunderstand.Imissedhalfofitmyself.Itsoundedlikemoretheftwouldbeinvolved,though.IwonderedidlyiftheyellowPorschehadmadeitbacktoitsowneryet.

"Whatwasallthattalkaboutsingers?"Aliceaskedatonepoint."Latuacantante,"Edwardsaid.Hisvoicemadethewordsintomusic.

"Yes,that,"Alicesaid,andIconcentratedforamoment.I'dwonderedaboutthat,too,atthetime.IfeltEdwardshrugaroundme."TheyhaveanameforsomeonewhosmellsthewayBelladoestome.Theycallhermysinger–becauseherbloodsingsforme."Alicelaughed.

Iwastiredenoughtosleep,butIfoughtagainsttheweariness.Iwasn'tgoingtomissasecondofthetimeIhadwithhim.Nowandthen,ashetalkedwithAlice,he would lean down suddenly and kiss me–his glass-smooth lips brushingagainst my hair, my forehead, the tip of my nose. Each time it was like anelectricshocktomylongdormantheart.Thesoundofitsbeatingseemedtofill

theentireroom.

Itwasheaven–rightsmackinthemiddleofhell.

Ilosttrackofthetimecompletely.SowhenEdward'sarmstightenedaroundme,and both he and Alice looked to the back of the room with wary eyes, Ipanicked.IcringedintoEdward'schestasAlec–hiseyesnowavividruby,butstillspotlessinhislightgraysuitdespitetheafternoonmeal–walkedthroughthedoubledoors.

Itwasgoodnews."You'refreetoleavenow,"Alectoldus,histonesowarmyou'dthinkwewerealllifelongfriends."Weaskthatyoudon'tlingerinthecity."

Edwardmadenoansweringpretence;hisvoicewas icecold."Thatwon'tbeaproblem."Alecsmiled,nodded,anddisappearedagain.

"Followtherighthallwayaroundthecornertothefirstsetofelevators,"Giannatold us asEdward helpedme tomy feet. "The lobby is two floors down, andexits to the street. Goodbye, now," she added pleasantly. I wondered if hercompetencewouldbeenoughtosaveher.

Aliceshotheradarklook.Iwasrelievedtherewasanotherwayout;Iwasn'tsureifIcouldhandleanothertourthroughtheunderground.

We left through a tastefully luxurious lobby. Iwas the only onewho glancedbackatthemedievalcastlethathousedtheelaboratebusinessfacadeIcouldn'tseetheturretfromhere,forwhichIwasgrateful.

Thepartywasstillinfullswinginthestreets.Thestreetlampswerejustcomingonaswewalkedswiftlythroughthenarrow,cobbledlanes.Theskywasadull,fadinggrayoverhead,butthebuildingscrowdedthestreetssocloselythatitfeltdarker.

Thepartywasdarker,too.Edward'slong,trailingcloakdidnotstandoutinthewayitmighthaveonanormaleveninginVolterra.Therewereothersinblacksatincloaksnow,andtheplasticfangsI'dseenonthechildinthesquaretodayseemedtobeverypopularwiththeadults.

"Ridiculous,"Edwardmutteredonce.Ididn'tnoticewhenAlicedisappearedfrombesideme.Ilookedovertoaskheraquestion,andshewasgone.

"Where'sAlice?"Iwhisperedinapanic.

"Shewenttoretrieveyourbagsfromwhereshestashedthemthismorning."I'dforgotten that I had access to a toothbrush. It brightened my outlookconsiderably."She'sstealingacar,too,isn'tshe?"Iguessed.Hegrinned."Nottillwe'reoutside."

It seemed like a very longway to the entryway.Edward could see that Iwasspent;hewoundhisarmaroundmywaistandsupportedmostofmyweightaswewalked.Ishudderedashepulledmethroughthedarkstonearchway.Thehuge,ancientportcullisabovewaslikeacagedoor,threateningtodroponus,tolockusin.

Heledmetowardadarkcar,waitinginapoolofshadowtotherightofthegatewith the engine running. To my surprise, he slid into the backseat with me,insteadofinsistingondriving.

Alicewasapologetic. "I'msorry."Shegesturedvaguely toward thedashboard."Therewasn'tmuchtochoosefrom."

"It'sfine,Alice."Hegrinned."Theycan'tallbe911Turbos."Shesighed."Imayhave to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous." "I'll get you one forChristmas,"Edwardpromised.

Alice turned to beam at him,whichworriedme, as shewas already speedingdownthedarkandcurvyhillsideatthesametime."Yellow,"shetoldhim.Edwardkeptmetightinhisarms.Insidethegraycloak,Iwaswarmandcomfortable.Morethancomfortable."You can sleep now, Bella," he murmured. "It's over." I knew he meant thedanger,thenightmareintheancientcity,butIstillhadtoswallowhardbeforeIcouldanswer.

"Idon'twanttosleep.I'mnottired."Justthesecondpartwasalie.Iwasn'tabouttoclosemyeyes.Thecarwasonlydimly litby thedashboardcontrols,but itwasenoughthatIcouldseehisface.

Hepressedhislipstothehollowundermyear."Try,"heencouraged.Ishookmyhead.Hesighed."You'restilljustasstubborn."Iwasstubborn;Ifoughtwithmyheavylids,andIwon.

Thedark roadwas thehardestpart; thebright lights at the airport inFlorencemadeiteasier,asdidthechancetobrushmyteethandchangeintocleanclothes;AliceboughtEdwardnewclothes, too, andhe left thedarkcloakonapileoftrashinanalley.TheplanetriptoRomewassoshortthattherewasn'treallyachanceforthefatiguetodragmeunder.IknewtheflightfromRometoAtlanta

would be another matter entirely, so I asked the flight attendant if she couldbringmeaCoke.

"Bella," Edward said disapprovingly.He knewmy low tolerance for caffeine.Alicewasbehindus.IcouldhearhermurmuringtoJasperonthephone."Idon'twant to sleep," I reminded him. I gave him an excuse that was believablebecauseitwastrue."IfIclosemyeyesnow,I'llseethingsIdon'twanttosee.I'llhavenightmares."Hedidn'targuewithmeafterthat.

Itwouldhavebeenaverygoodtimetotalk,togettheanswersIneeded–neededbutnot reallywanted; Iwasalreadydespairingat the thoughtofwhat Imighthear.Wehadanuninterruptedblockoftirreaheadofus,andhecouldn'tescapemeonanairplane–well,noteasily,atleast.NoonewouldhearusexceptAlice;itwas late, andmost of the passengerswere turning off lights and asking forpillowsinmutedvoices.Talkwouldhelpmefightofftheexhaustion.

But, perversely, I bitmy tongue against the flood of questions.My reasoningwas probably flawed by exhaustion, but I hoped that by postponing thediscussion,Icouldbuyafewmorehourswithhimatsomelatertime–spinthisoutforanothernight,Scheherazade-style.

So I kept drinking soda, and resisting even the urge to blink.Edward seemedperfectlycontent toholdmeinhisarms,hisfingers tracingmyfaceagainandagain.Itouchedhisface,too.Icouldn'tstopmyself,thoughIwasafraiditwouldhurt me later, when I was alone again. He continued to kiss my hair, myforehead,mywrists…butnevermylips,andthatwasgood.Afterall,howmanywayscanoneheartbemangledandstillbeexpectedtokeepbeating?I'dlivedthroughalotthatshouldhavefinishedmeinthelastfewdays,butitdidn'tmakemefeelstrong.Instead,Ifelthorriblyfragile,likeonewordcouldshatterme.

Edward didn't speak. Maybe he was hoping I would sleep. Maybe he hadnothingtosay.

Iwonthefightagainstmyheavylids.Iwasawakewhenwereachedtheairportin Atlanta, and I even watched the sun beginning to rise over Seattle's cloudcover before Edward slid the window shut. I was proud of myself. I hadn'tmissedoneminute.

NeitherAlicenorEdwardwas surprisedby the reception thatwaited forus atSea-Tac airport, but it caughtmeoff guard. Jasperwas the first one I saw–hedidn'tseemtoseemeatall.HiseyeswereonlyforAlice.Shewentquicklytohisside;theydidn'tembracelikeothercouplesmeetingthere.Theyonlystared

intoeachother'sfaces,yet,somehow,themomentwassoprivatethatIstillfelttheneedtolookaway.

Carlisle and Esme waited in a quiet corner far from the line for the metaldetectors, in the shadow of a wide pillar. Esme reached for me, hugging mefiercely,yetawkwardly,becauseEdwardkepthisarmsaroundme,too.

"Thankyousomuch,"shesaidinmyear.Then she threw her arms around Edward, and she looked like she would becryingifthatwerepossible.

"Youwillneverputmethrough:hatagain,"shenearlygrowled.Edward grinned, repentant. "Sorry, Mom." "Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said."Weoweyou."

"Hardly,"Imumbled.Thesleeplessnightwassuddenlyoverpowering.Myheadfeltdisconnectedfrommybody."She'sdeadonherfeet,"EsmescoldedEdward."Let'sgetherhome."

NotsureifhomewaswhatIwantedatthispoint,Istumbled,half-blind,throughthe airport, Edward draggingme on one side and Esme on the other. I didn'tknowifAliceandJasperwerebehindusornot,andIwastooexhaustedtolook.

I thinkIwasmostlyasleep, thoughIwasstillwalking,whenwereached theircar.ThesurpriseofseeingEmmettandRosalieleaningagainsttheblacksedanunderthedimlightsoftheparkinggaragerevivedmesome.Edwardstiffened.

"Don't,"Esmewhispered."Shefeelsawful.""Sheshould,"Edwardsaid,makingnoattempttokeephisvoicedown."It'snotherfault,"Isaid,mywordsgarbledwithexhaustion."Lethermakeamends,"Esmepleaded."We'llridewithAliceandJasper."Edwardgloweredattheabsurdlylovelyblondvampirewaitingforus.

"Please, Edward," I said. I didn'twant to ridewithRosalie anymore than heseemedto,butI'dcausedmorethanenoughdiscordinhisfamily.Hesighed,andtowedmetowardthecar.

EmmettandRosaliegotinthefrontseatwithoutspeaking,whileEdwardpulledme in the back again. I knew I wasn't going to be able to fight my eyelidsanymore,andIlaidmyheadagainsthischestindefeat,lettingthemclose.Ifeltthecarpurrtolife.

"Edward,"Rosalie began. "I know."Edward's brusque tonewas not generous."Bella?"Rosalieaskedsoftly.Myeyelidsflutteredopeninshock.Itwasthefirst

timeshe'deverspokendirectlytome."Yes,Rosalie?"Iasked,hesitant.

"I'msoverysorry,Bella.Ifeelwretchedabouteverypartofthis,andsogratefulthatyouwerebraveenoughtogosavemybrotherafterwhatIdid.Pleasesayyou'll forgive me." The words were awkward, stilted because of herembarrassment, but they seemed sincere. "Of course, Rosalie," I mumbled,graspingatanychancetomakeherhatemealittleless."It'snotyourfaultatall.I'mtheonewhojumpedoffthedamncliff.OfcourseIforgiveyou."

Thewords cameout likemush. "It doesn't count until she's conscious,Rose,"Emmett chuckled. "I'm conscious," I said; it just sounded like a garbled sigh."Lethersleep,"Edwardinsisted,buthisvoicewasalittlewarmer.

Itwasquiet then,exceptfor thegentle thrumoftheengine.Imusthavefallenasleep,becauseitseemedlikesecondslaterwhenthedooropenedandEdwardwascarryingmefromthecar.Myeyeswouldn'topen.AtfirstIthoughtwewerestillattheairport.

AndthenIheardCharlie."Bella!"heshoutedfromsomedistance."Charlie,"Imumbled, trying to shakeoff the stupor. "Shh,"Edwardwhispered. "It's okay;you'rehomeandsafe.Justsleep."

"Ican'tbelieveyouhavethenervetoshowyourfacehere."CharliebellowedatEdward,hisvoicemuchclosernow.

"Stopit,Dad,"Igroaned.Hedidn'thearme."What'swrongwithher?"Charliedemanded."She'sjustverytired,Charlie,"Edwardassuredhimquietly."Pleaselet her rest." "Don't tellmewhat todo!"Charlie yelled. "Giveher tome.Getyourhandsoffher!"

Edward tried topassme toCharlie, but I clung tohimwith locked, tenaciousfingers.Icouldfeelmydadyankingonmyarm."Cutitout,Dad,"Isaidwithmorevolume.ImanagedtodragmylidsbacktostareatCharliewithblearyeyes."Bemadatme."Wewere in front ofmy house. The front doorwas standing open. The cloudcoveroverheadwastoothicktoguessatatimeofday."You bet I will be," Charlie promised. "Get inside." i'"Kay. Let me down," Isighed.

Edwardsetmeonmyfeet.IcouldseethatIwasupright,butIcouldn'tfeelmylegs. I trudged forwardanyway,until thesidewalkswirledup towardmyface.Edward'sarmscaughtmebeforeIhittheconcrete.

"Just let me get her upstairs," Edward said. "Then I'll leave." "No," I cried,panicking. I hadn't gotmyanswersyet.Hehad to stay for at least thatmuch,didn'the?"Iwon't be far," Edward promised, whispering so low inmy ear that Charliedidn'thaveahopeofhearing.

Ididn'thearCharlieanswer,butEdwardheadedinto thehouse.Myopeneyesonlymadeittillthestairs.ThelastthingIfeltwasEdward'scoolhandspryingmyfingersloosefromhisshirt.

23.THETRUTH

IHADTHESENSETHATI'DBEENASLEEPFORAVERY long time–mybodywasstiff, likeIhadn'tmovedoncethroughall thattime,either.Mymindwas dazed and slow; strange, colorful dreams–dreams and nightmares–swirleddizzilyaroundtheinsideofmyhead.Theyweresovivid.Thehorribleandtheheavenly,allmixedtogetherintoabizarrejumble.Therewassharpimpatienceand fear, both part of that frustrating dream where your feet can't move fastenough…Andtherewereplentyofmonsters,red-eyedfiendsthatwereall themoreghastlyfor theirgenteelcivility.Thedreamwasstillstrong–Icouldevenremember thenames.But thestrongest,clearestpartof thedreamwasnot thehorror.Itwastheangelthatwasmostclear.

Itwashard to lethimgoandwakeup.Thisdreamdidnotwant tobeshovedawayintothevaultofdreamsIrefusedtorevisit.Istruggledwithitasmymindbecame more alert, focusing on reality. I couldn't remember what day of theweekitwas,butIwassureJacoborschoolorworkorsomethingwaswaitingforme.Iinhaleddeeply,wonderinghowtofaceanotherday.

Somethingcoldtouchedmyforeheadwiththesoftestpressure.Isqueezedmyeyesmoretightlyshut.Iwasstilldreaming,itseemed,anditfeltabnormally real. Iwas soclose towaking…anysecondnow,and itwouldbegone.

ButIrealizedthatitfelt tooreal, toorealtobegoodforme.ThestonearmsIimaginedwrappedaroundmewerefartoosubstantial.IfIletthisgoanyfurther,I'd be sorry for it later.With a resigned sigh, I wrenched backmy eyelids todispeltheillusion.

"Oh!"Igasped,andthrewmyfistsovermyeyes.

Well,clearly,I'dgonetoofar;itmusthavebeenamistaketoletmyimaginationgetsooutofhand.Okay,so"let"wasthewrongword.I'dforcedittogetoutof

hand–prettymuchstalkedmyhallucinations–andnowmymindhadsnapped.

Ittooklessthanhalfasecondformetorealizethat,aslongasIwastrulyinsanenow,Imightaswellenjoythedelusionswhiletheywerepleasant.Iopenedmyeyesagain–andEdwardwasstillthere,hisperfectfacejustinchesawayfrommine.

"Did I frighten you?" His low voice was anxious. This was very good, asdelusionswent.Theface,thevoice,thescent,everything–itwassomuchbetterthandrowning.Thebeautifulfigmentofmyimaginationwatchedmychangingexpressions,with alarm.His iriseswere pitch-black,with bruise-like shadowsunder them.This surprisedme;my hallucinatoryEdwardswere usually betterfed.

Iblinkedtwice,desperatelytryingtorememberthelastthingthatIwassurewasreal.Alicewaspartofmydream,andIwonderedifshehadreallycomebackatall,or if thatwas just thepreamble. I thought she'd returned thedayI'dnearlydrowned…

"Oh,crap"Icroaked.Mythroatwasthickwithsleeping."What'swrong,Bella?"Ifrownedathimunhappily.Hisfacewasevenmoreanxiousthanbefore."I'mdead, right?" I moaned. "I did drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna killCharlie."Edwardfrowned,too."You'renotdead.""ThenwhyamInotwakingup?"Ichallenged,raisingmyeyebrows."Youareawake,Bella."

Ishookmyhead."Sure,sure.That'swhatyouwantmetothink.AndthenitwillbeworsewhenIdowakeup.IfIwakeup,whichIwon't,becauseI'mdead.Thisisawful.PoorCharlie.AndReneeandJake…"ItrailedoffinhorroratwhatIhaddone.

"Icanseewhereyoumightconfusemewithanightmare."Hisshort-livedsmilewasgrim."ButIcan'timaginewhatyoucouldhavedonetowindupinhell.DidyoucommitmanymurderswhileIwasaway?"

Igrimaced."Obviouslynot.IfIwasinhell,youwouldn'tbewithme."Hesighed.

Myheadwasgettingclearer.Myeyesflickeredawayfromhisface–unwillingly–for one second, to the dark, openwindow, and then back to him. I started torememberdetails…and I felta faint,unfamiliarblushwarm theskinovermycheekbonesasIslowlyrealizedthatEdwardwasreally,trulyherewithme,andIwaswastingtimebeinganidiot.

"Didallof that reallyhappen, then?" Itwasalmost impossible to reassignmydreamasreality.Icouldn'twrapmyheadaroundtheconcept."Thatdepends."Edward'ssmilewasstillhard."Ifyou're referring tousnearlybeingmassacredinItaly,then,yes.""How strange," Imused. "I reallywent to Italy.Did youknow I'd never beenfarthereastthanAlbuquerque?"Herolledhiseyes."Maybeyoushouldgoback tosleep.You'renotcoherent.""I'mnottiredanymore."Itwasallcomingclearnow."Whattimeisit?HowlonghaveIbeensleeping?"

"It's just afterone in themorning.So, about fourteenhours." I stretchedashespoke.Iwassostiff."Charlie?"Iasked.

Edward frowned. "Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking therulesrightnow.Well,nottechnically,sincehesaidIwasnevertowalkthroughhisdooragain,andIcameinthewindow…But,still,theintentwasclear."

"Charlie banned you from the house?" I asked, disbelief quicklymelting intofury.Hiseyesweresad."Didyouexpectanythingelse?"

Myeyesweremad.Iwasgoingtohaveafewwordswithmyfather–perhapsitwouldbeagoodtimetoremindhimthatIwasoverthelegalageofadulthood.Itdidn'tmattersomuch,ofcourse,exceptinprinciple.Alltoosoontherewouldbenoreasonfortheprohibition.Iturnedmythoughtstolesspainfulavenues.

"What's the story?" I asked, genuinely curious, but also trying desperately tokeeptheconversationcasual,tokeepafirmgriponmyself,soIwouldn'tscarehimawaywiththefrantic,gnawingcravingthatwasraginginsideme.

"What do you mean?" "What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse fordisappearingfor…howlongwasIgone,anyway?"Itriedtocountthehoursinmyhead."Just three days." His eyes tightened, but he smiledmore naturally this time."Actually,Iwashopingyoumighthaveagoodexplanation.I'vegotnothing."

I groaned. "Fabulous." "Well,maybeAlicewill come upwith something," heoffered,tryingtocomfortme.

And Iwascomforted.Whocaredwhat Ihad todealwith later?Every secondthathewashere–soclose,his flawless faceglowing in thedim light from thenumbersonmyalarmclock–waspreciousandnottobewasted.

"So," I began, picking the least important–though still vitally interesting–

questiontostartwith.Iwassafelydeliveredhome,andhemightdecidetoleaveatanymoment.Ihadtokeephimtalking.Besides,thistemporaryheavenwasn'tentirelycompletewithoutthesoundofhisvoice."Whathaveyoubeendoing,upuntilthreedaysago?"

Hisfaceturnedwaryinaninstant."Nothingterriblyexciting.""Ofcoursenot,"Imumbled."Whyareyoumakingthatface?"

"Well…" I pursedmy lips, considering. "If you were, after all, just a dream,that'sexactlythekindofthingyouwouldsay.Myimaginationmustbeusedup."He sighed. "If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having anightmare?" "Nightmare!" I repeated scornfully. He waited for my answer."Maybe,"Isaidafterasecondofthought."Ifyoutellme."

"Iwas…hunting." "Is that the best you cando?" I criticized. "That definitelydoesn'tproveI'mawake."

He hesitated, and then spoke slowly, choosing his words with care. "I wasn'thunting fot food… Iwas actually tryingmy hand at… tracking. I'm not verygood at it." "What were you tracking?" I asked, intrigued. "Nothing ofconsequence." His words didn't match his expression; he looked upset,uncomfortable.

"Idon'tunderstand."Hehesitated;hisface,shiningwithanoddgreencastfromthelightoftheclock,wastorn.

"I–"He took a deep breath. "I owe you an apology.No, of course I owe youmuch,muchmorethanthat.Butyouhavetoknow,"–thewordsbegantoflowsofast, theway I remembered he spoke sometimeswhen hewas agitated, that Ireallyhadtoconcentratetocatchthemall–"thatIhadnoidea.Ididn'trealizethemessIwasleavingbehind.Ithoughtitwassafeforyouhere.Sosafe.Ihadnoidea thatVictoria,"–his lips curled backwhen he said the name–"would comeback.I'lladmit,whenIsawherthatonetime,IwaspayingmuchmoreattentiontoJames'sthoughts.ButIjustdidn'tseethatshehadthiskindofresponseinher.Thatsheevenhadsuchatietohim.IthinkIrealizewhynow–shewassosureofhim,thethoughtofhimfailingneveroccurredtoher.Itwasheroverconfidencethatcloudedherfeelingsabouthim–thatkeptmefromseeingthedepthofthem,thebondthere.

"Notthatthere'sanyexcuseforwhatIleftyoutoface.WhenIheardwhatyoutoldAlice–whatshesawherself–whenIrealizedthatyouhadtoputyourlifein

thehandsofwerewolves, immature, volatile, theworst thing out there besidesVictoriaherself–heshudderedandthegushofwordshaltedforashortsecond."PleaseknowthatIhadnoideaofanyofthis.Ifeelsick,sicktomycore,evennow,when I can see and feel you safe inmy arms. I am themostmiserableexcusefor–"

"Stop,"Iinterruptedhim.Hestaredatmewithagonizedeyes,andItriedtofindtherightwords–thewordsthatwouldfreehimfromthisimaginedobligationthatcausedhimsomuchpain.Theywereveryhardwordstosay.Ididn'tknowifIcouldgetthemoutwithoutbreakingdown.ButIhadtotrytodoitright.Ididn'twant to be a source of guilt and anguish in his life. He should be happy, nomatterwhatitcostme.

I'dreallybeenhopingtoputoffthispartofourlastconversation.Itwasgoingtobringthingstoanendsomuchsooner.Drawing on allmymonths of practicewith trying to be normal forCharlie, Ikeptmyfacesmooth.

"Edward,"Isaid.Hisnameburnedmythroatalittleonthewayout.Icouldfeeltheghostofthehole,waitingtoripitselfwideagainassoonashedisappeared.Ididn'tquiteseehowIwasgoingtosurviveit this time."Thishastostopnow.Youcan'tthinkaboutthingsthatway.Youcan'tletthis…thisguilt…ruleyourlife.Youcan'ttakeresponsibilityforthethingsthathappentomehere.Noneofitisyourfault,it'sjustpartofhowlifeisforme.So,ifItripinfrontofabusorwhatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take theblame.Youcan'tjustgorunningofftoItalybecauseyoufeelbadthatyoudidn'tsaveme.Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, thatwould have beenmychoice,andnotyourfault.Iknowit'syour…yournaturetoshouldertheblameforeverything,butyou reallycan't let thatmakeyougo tosuchextremes! It'sveryirresponsible–thinkofEsmeandCarlisleand–"

Iwason theedgeof losing it. I stopped to takeadeepbreath,hoping tocalmmyself.Ihadtosethimfree.Ihadtomakesurethisneverhappenedagain."IsabellaMarieSwan,"hewhispered,thestrangestexpressioncrossinghisface.He almost looked mad. "Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill mebecauseIfeltguilty?"

Icouldfeeltheblankincomprehensiononmyface."Didn'tyou?""Feelguilty?Intenselyso.Morethanyoucancomprehend.""Then…whatareyousaying?Idon'tunderstand."

"Bella, Iwent to theVolturibecause I thoughtyouweredead,"he said,voice

soft, eyes fierce. "Even if I'd had no hand in your death"–he shuddered as hewhisperedthelastword–"evenifitwasn'tmyfault,IwouldhavegonetoItaly.Obviously, I should have been more careful–I should have spoken to Alicedirectly,ratherthanacceptingitsecondhandfromRosalie.But,really,whatwasIsupposedtothinkwhentheboysaidCharliewasatthefuneral?Whataretheodds?

"Theodds…"hemutteredthen,distracted.HisvoicewassolowIwasn'tsureIbearditright."Theoddsarealwaysstackedagainstus.Mistakeaftermistake.I'llnevercriticizeRomeoagain."

"ButIstilldon'tunderstand,"Isaid."That'smywholepoint.Sowhat?""Excuseme?""SowhatifIwasdead?"

He stared at me dubiously for a long moment before answering. "Don't yourememberanythingItoldyoubefore?""Iremembereverythingthatyoutoldme."Includingthewordsthathadnegatedalltherest.

Hebrushedthetipofhiscoolfingeragainstmylowerlip."Bella,youseemtobeunderamisapprehension."Heclosedhiseyes,shakinghisheadbackandforthwith half a smile onhis beautiful face. Itwasn't a happy smile. "I thought I'dexplaineditclearlybefore.Bella,Ican'tliveinaworldwhereyoudon'texist."

"Iam…"MyheadswamasIlookedfortheappropriateword."Confused."Thatworked.Icouldn'tmakesenseofwhathewassaying.He stared deep intomy eyes with his sincere, earnest gaze. "I'm a good liar,Bella,Ihavetobe."I froze,mymuscles lockingdownas if for impact.The fault line inmychestrippled;thepainofittookmybreathaway.He shookmy shoulder, trying to loosenmy rigid pose. "Letme finish! I'm agoodliar,butstill, foryoutobelievemesoquickly."Hewinced."Thatwas…excruciating."

I waited, still frozen. "When we were in the forest, when I was telling yougoodbye–" I didn't allowmyself to remember. I fought to keepmyself in thepresentsecondonly.

"Youweren'tgoingtoletgo,"hewhispered."Icouldseethat.Ididn'twanttodoit–itfeltlikeitwouldkillmetodoit–butIknewthatifIcouldn'tconvinceyouthatIdidn'tloveyouanymore,itwouldjusttakeyouthatmuchlongertogeton

withyourlife.Ihopedthat,ifyouthoughtI'dmovedon,sowouldyou."

"Acleanbreak,"Iwhisperedthroughunmovinglips.

"Exactly.ButIneverimagineditwouldbesoeasytodo!Ithoughtitwouldbenexttoimpossible–thatyouwouldbesosureofthetruththatIwouldhavetoliethroughmyteethforhourstoevenplanttheseedofdoubtinyourhead.Ilied,and I'm so sorry–sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthlesseffort.SorrythatIcouldn'tprotectyoufromwhatIan.Iliedtosaveyou,anditdidn'twork.I'msorry.

"Buthowcouldyoubelieveme?AfterallthethousandtimesI'vetoldyouIloveyou,howcouldyouletonewordbreakyourfaithinme?"

Ididn'tanswer.Iwastooshockedtoformarationalresponse."I could see it in your eyes, that you honestlybelieved that I didn'twant youanymore.Themost absurd, ridiculousconcept–as if therewereanuway that Icouldexistwithoutneedingyou!"

I was still frozen. His words were incomprehensible, because they wereimpossible. He shookmy shoulder again, not hard, but enough that my teethrattledalittle."Bella,"hesighed."Really,whatwereyouthinking!"AndsoIstartedtocry.Thetearswelledupandthengushedmiserablydownmycheeks."Iknewit,"Isobbed."IknewIwasdreaming."

"You're impossible," he said, and he laughed once–a hard laugh, frustrated."HowcanIputthissothatyou'llbelieveme?You'renotasleep,andyou'renotdead.I'mhere,andIloveyou.Ihavealwayslovedyou,andIwillalwaysloveyou.Iwasthinkingofyou,seeingyourfaceinmymind,everysecondthatIwasaway.WhenI toldyou that Ididn'twantyou, itwas theveryblackestkindofblasphemy."

Ishookmyheadwhilethetearscontinuedtooozefromthecornersofmyeyes."Youdon'tbelieveme,doyou?"hewhispered,hisfacepalerthanhisusualpale–Icouldseethateveninthedimlight."Whycanyoubelievethelie,butnotthetruth?""Itnevermadesenseforyoutoloveme,"Iexplained,myvoicebreakingtwice."Ialwaysknewthat."

Hiseyesnarrowed,hisjawtightened."I'llproveyou'reawake,"hepromised.

Hecaughtmyfacesecurelybetweenhisironhands,ignoringmystruggleswhen

Itriedtoturnmyheadaway.

"Pleasedon't,"Iwhispered.Hestopped,hislipsjusthalfaninchfrommine."Whynot?"hedemanded.Hisbreathblewintomyface,makingmyheadwhirl.

"When Iwakeup"–Heopenedhismouth toprotest, so I revised–"okay, forgetthatone–whenyouleaveagain,it'sgoingtobehardenoughwithoutthis,too."Hepulledbackaninch,tostareatmyface.

"Yesterday,whenIwouldtouchyou,youwereso…hesitant,socareful,andyetstillthesame.Ineedtoknowwhy.IsitbecauseI'mtoolate?BecauseI'vehurtyoutoomuch?Becauseyouhavemovedon,asImeantforyouto?Thatwouldbe…quitefair.Iwon'tcontestyourdecision.Sodon'ttrytosparemyfeelings,please–just tellmenowwhetherornotyoucan still loveme, after everythingI'vedonetoyou.Canyou?"hewhispered.

"Whatkindofanidioticquestionisthat?""Justanswerit.Please."

Istaredathimdarklyforalongmoment."ThewayIfeelaboutyouwillneverchange.OfcourseIloveyou–andthere'snothingyoucandoaboutit!""That'sallIneededtohear."

Hismouthwasonmine then,andIcouldn't fighthim.Notbecausehewassomanythousandtimesstrongerthanme,butbecausemywillcrumbledintodustthe second our lips met. This kiss was not quite as careful as others Iremembered,whichsuitedmejustfine.IfIwasgoingtoripmyselfupfurther,Imightaswellgetasmuchintradeaspossible.

SoIkissedhimback,myheartpoundingoutajagged,disjointedrhythmwhilemy breathing turned to panting andmy fingers moved greedily to his face. Icould feel his marble body against every line of mine, and I was so glad hehadn't listened tome–therewasnopain in theworld thatwouldhave justifiedmissing this.His handsmemorizedmy face, the samewayminewere tracinghis,and,inthebriefsecondswhenhislipswerefree,hewhisperedmyname.

WhenIwasstartingtogetdizzy,hepulledaway,onlytolayhisearagainstmyheart.Ilaythere,dazed,waitingformygaspingtoslowandquiet."Bytheway,"he said in a casual tone. "I'm not leaving you." I didn't say anything, and heseemedtohearskepticisminmysilence.

Heliftedhisfacetolockmygazeinhis."I'mnotgoinganywhere.Notwithoutyou,"headdedmoreseriously.

"I only left you in the first place because Iwanted you to have a chance at anormal, happy, human life. I could seewhat Iwas doing to you–keeping youconstantlyontheedgeofdanger,takingyouawayfromtheworldyoubelongedin,riskingyour lifeeverymomentIwaswithyou.SoIhadto try.Ihadtodosomething,anditseemedlikeleavingwastheonlyway.IfIhadn'tthoughtyouwouldbebetteroff,Icouldhavenevermademyselfleave.I'mmuchtooselfish.OnlyyoucouldbemoreimportantthanwhatIwanted…whatIneeded.WhatIwantandneedistobewithyou,andIknowI'llneverbestrongenoughtoleaveagain.Ihavetoomanyexcusestostay–thankheavenforthat!Itseemsyoucan'tbesafe,nomatterhowmanymilesIputbetweenus."

"Don'tpromisemeanything,"Iwhispered.IfI letmyselfhope,anditcametonothing…thatwouldkillme.Whereallthosemercilessvampireshadnotbeenabletofinishmeoff,hopewoulddothejob.

Angerglintedmetallicinhisblackeyes."YouthinkI'mlyingtoyounow?"

"No–not lying." I shook my head, trying to think it through coherently. Toexaminethehypothesisthathedidloveme,whilestayingobjective,clinical,soIwouldn'tfallintothetrapofhoping."Youcouldmeanit…now.Butwhatabouttomorrow,whenyou thinkabout all the reasonsyou left in the first place?Ornextmonth,whenJaspertakesasnapatme?"

Heflinched.

Ithoughtbackoverthoselastdaysofmylifebeforeheleftme,triedtoseethemthrough the filter of what he was telling me now. From that perspective,imagining thathe'd leftmewhile lovingme, leftmeforme, his brooding andcoldsilences tookonadifferentmeaning. "It isn't as ifyouhadn't thought thefirstdecisionthrough,isit?"Iguessed."You'llendupdoingwhatyouthinkisright."

"I'mnot as strongasyougivemecredit for,"he said. "Right andwronghaveceasedtomeanmuchtome;Iwascomingbackanyway.BeforeRosalietoldmethenews,Iwasalreadypasttryingtolivethroughoneweekatatime,orevenoneday.Iwasfightingtomakeitthroughasinglehour.Itwasonlyamatteroftime–andnotmuchofit–beforeIshowedupatyourwindowandbeggedyoutotakemeback.I'dbehappytobegnow,ifyou'dlikethat."

Igrimaced."Beserious,please.""Oh,Iam,"heinsisted,glaringnow."WillyoupleasetrytohearwhatI'mtellingyou?Willyouletmeattempttoexplainwhatyoumeantome?"

Hewaited,studyingmyfaceashespoketomakesureIwasreallylistening.

"Beforeyou,Bella,mylifewaslikeamoonlessnight.Verydark,buttherewerestars–points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like ameteor.Suddenlyeverythingwasonfire;therewasbrilliancy,therewasbeauty.Whenyouweregone,whenthemeteorhadfallenoverthehorizon,everythingwent black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. Icouldn'tseethestarsanymore.Andtherewasnomorereasonforanything."

Iwantedtobelievehim.Butthiswasmylifewithouthimthathewasdescribing,nottheotherwayaround.

"Youreyeswilladjust,"Imumbled."That'sjusttheproblem–theycan't.""Whataboutyourdistractions?"

He laughedwithouta traceofhumor. "Justpartof the lie, love.Therewasnodistractionfromthe…theagony.Myhearthasn'tbeatinalmostninetyyears,butthiswasdifferent.Itwaslikemyheartwasgone–likeIwashollow.LikeI'dlefteverythingthatwasinsidemeherewithyou."

"That'sfunny,"Imuttered.Hearchedoneperfecteyebrow."Funny?"

"Imeant strange–I thought itwas justme.Lotsofpiecesofmewentmissing,too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." I filled my lungs,luxuriatinginthesensation."Andmyheart.Thatwasdefinitelylost."

He closedhis eyes and laid his ear overmyheart again. I letmy cheekpressagainsthishair,feltthetextureofitonmyskin,smelledthedeliciousscentofhim.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction then?" I asked, curious, and also needing todistractmyself.Iwasverymuchindangerofhoping.Iwouldn'tbeabletostopmyselfforlong.Myheartthrobbed,singinginmychest.

"No."Hesighed."Thatwasneveradistraction.Itwasanobligation.""Whatdoesthatmean?"

"Itmeansthat,eventhoughIneverexpectedanydangerfromVictoria,Iwasn'tgoingtolethergetawaywith…Well,likeIsaid,Iwashorribleatit.Itracedheras farasTexas,but thenI followeda false leaddowntoBrazil–andreallyshecamehere."Hegroaned."Iwasn'tevenontherightcontinent!Andallthewhile,worsethanmyworstfears–"

"YouwerehuntingVictoria?"Ihalf-shriekedassoonasIcouldfindmyvoice,

shootingthroughtwooctaves.Charlie'sdistantsnoresstuttered,andthenpickeduparegularrhythmagain.

"Notwell,"Edwardanswered,studyingmyoutragedexpressionwithaconfusedlook. "But I'll do better this time. Shewon't be tainting perfectly good air bybreathinginandoutformuchlonger."

"Thatis…outofthequestion,"Imanagedtochokeout.Insanity.EvenifhehadEmmett or Jasper help him. Even if he had Emmett and Jasper help. It wasworsethanmyotherimaginings:JacobBlackstandingacrossasmallspacefromVictoria'sviciousandfelinefigure.Icouldn'tbeartopictureEdwardthere,eventhoughhewassomuchmoredurablethanmyhalf-humanbestfriend.

"It'stoolateforher.Imighthavelettheothertimeslide,butnotnow,notafter–"

Iinterruptedhimagain,tryingtosoundcalm."Didn'tyoujustpromisethatyouweren'tgoing to leave?" Iasked, fighting thewordsas I said them,nor lettingthem plant themselves in my heart. "That isn't exactly compatible with anextendedtrackingexpedition,isit?"

Hefrowned.Asnarlbegan tobuild lowinhischest."Iwillkeepmypromise,Bella.ButVictoria"–thesnarlbecamemorepronounced–"isgoingtodie.Soon."

"Let'snotbehasty," I said, trying tohidemypanic. "Maybe she'snot comingback.Jake'spackprobablyscaredheroff.There'sreallynoreasontogolookingforher.Besides,I'vegotbiggerproblemsthanVictoria."

Edward's eyes narrowed, but he nodded. "It's true. The werewolves are aproblem."Isnorted."Iwasn'ttalkingaboutJacob.Myproblemsarealotworsethatahandfulofadolescentwolvesgettingthemselvesintotrouble."

Edwardlookedasifhewereabouttosaysomething,andthenthoughtbetterofit.His teeth clicked together, and he spoke through them. "Really?" he asked."Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria'sreturningforyouseemlikesuchaninconsequentialmatterincomparison?"

"Howaboutthesecondgreatest?"Ihedged."Allright,"heagreed,suspicious.

Ipaused.Iwasn'tsureIcouldsaythename."Thereareotherswhoarecomingtolookforme,"Iremindedhiminasubduedwhisper.Hesighed,butthereactionwasnotasstrongasIwouldhaveimaginedafterhisresponsetoVictoria.

"TheVolturiareonlythesecondgreatest?"

"Youdon'tseemthatupsetaboutit,"Inoted.

"Well,wehaveplentyof timeto think it through.Timemeanssomethingverydifferenttothemthanitdoestoyou,orevenme.Theycountyearsthewayyoucountdays. Iwouldn'tbesurprised ifyouwere thirtybeforeyoucrossed theirmindsagain,"headdedlightly.

Horrorwashedthroughme.Thirty.

So his promises meant nothing, in the end. If I were going to turn thirtysomeday, thenhe couldn't beplanningon staying long.Theharshpainof thisknowledge made me realize that I'd already begun to hope, without givingmyselfpermissiontodo5.0.

"Youdon'thavetobeafraid,"hesaid,anxiousashewatchedthetearsdewupagainontherimsofmyeyes."Iwon'tletthemhurtyou.""Whileyou'rehere."NotthatIcaredwhathappenedtomewhenheleft.Hetookmyfacebetweenhistwostonehands,holdingittightlywhilehismidnighteyesglaredintominewiththegravitationalforceofablackhole."Iwillneverleaveyouagain.""Butyousaid thirty," Iwhispered.The tears leakedover theedge."What?You'regoingtostay,butletmegetalloldanyway?Right."Hiseyessoftened,whilehismouthwenthard."That'sexactlywhatI'mgoingtodo.What choice have I? I cannot bewithout you, but Iwill not destroy yoursoul."

"Isthisreally…"Itriedtokeepmyvoiceeven,butthisquestionwastoohard.IrememberedhisfacewhenArohadalmostbeggedhimtoconsidermakingmeimmortal.Thesicklookthere.Wasthisfixationwithkeepingmehumanreallyaboutmysoul,orwasitbecausehewasn'tsurethathewantedmearoundthatlong?

"Yes?"heasked,waitingformyquestion.Iaskedadifferentone.Almost–butnotquite–ashard.

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Yourgrandmother?"Myvoicewaspalewithrevulsion–IcouldseeGran'sfaceagaininthedreammirror.

Hiswholefacewassoftnow.Hebrushedthetearsfrommycheekwithhislips."That doesn't mean anything to me," he breathed against my skin. "You willalways be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course…" He hesitated,flinchingslightly. "Ifyououtgrewme–ifyouwantedsomethingmore–Iwould

understandthat,Bella.IpromiseIwouldn'tstandinyourwayifyouwantedtoleaveme."

Hiseyeswere liquidonyxandutterly sincere.He spokeas ifhe'dput endlessamountsofthoughtintothisasinineplan.

"YoudorealizethatI'lldieeventually,right?"Idemanded.He'dthoughtaboutthispart,too."I'llfollowafterassoonasIcan.""Thatisseriously…"Ilookedfortherightword."Sick.""Bella,it'stheonlyrightwayleft–"

"Let'sjustbackupforaminute,"Isaid;feelingangrymadeitsomucheasiertobe clear, decisive. "You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay humanforever.They'llkillme.Eveniftheydon'tthinkofmetillI'mthirty"–Ihissedtheword–"doyoureallythinkthey'llforget?"

"No,"heansweredslowly,shakinghishead."Theywon'tforget.But…""But?"HegrinnedwhileIstaredathimwarily.MaybeIwasn't theonlycrazyone."Ihaveafewplans."

"Andtheseplans,"Isaid,myvoicegettingmoreacidicwitheachword."Theseplansallcenteraroundmestayinghuman."My attitude hardened his expression. "Naturally." His tone was brusque, hisdivinefacearrogant.Wegloweredateachotherforalongminute.ThenItookadeepbreath,squaredmyshoulders,IpushedhisarmsawaysothatIcouldsitup."Doyouwantmeto leave?"heasked,and itmademyheart flutter tosee thatthisideahurthim,thoughhetriednottoshowit."No,"Itoldhim."I'mleaving."HewatchedmesuspiciouslyasIclimbedoutofthebedandfumbledaroundinthedarkroom,lookingformyshoes.

"MayIaskwhereyouaregoing.'"heasked."I'mgoingtoyourhouse,"Itoldhim,stillfeelingaroundblindly.Hegotupandcametomyside."Hereareyourshoes.Howdidyouplantogetthere?""Mytruck.""ThatwillprobablywakeCharlie,"heofferedasadeterrent.

Isighed."Iknow.Buthonestly, I'llbegroundedforweeksas it is.HowmuchmoretroublecanIreallygetin?"

"None.He'llblameme,notyou."

"Ifyouhaveabetteridea,I'mallears.""Stayhere,"hesuggested,buthisexpressionwasn'thopeful.

"Nodice.Butyougoaheadandmakeyourselfathome,"Iencouraged,surprisedathownaturalmyteasingsounded,andheadedforthedoor.

Hewastherebeforeme,blockingmyway.Ifrowned,andturnedforthewindow.Itwasn'treallythatfartotheground,anditwasmostlygrassbeneath…

"Okay," he sighed. "I'll give you a ride." I shrugged. "Either way. But youprobablyshouldbethere,too.""Andwhyisthat?"

"Becauseyou'reextraordinarilyopinionated,andI'msureyou'llwantachancetoairyourviews.""Myviewsonwhichsubject?"Heaskedthroughhisteeth.

"This isn't just about you anymore.You're not the center of the universe, youknow."My own personal universewas, of course, a different story. "If you'regoing tobring theVolturidownonusover somethingas stupidas leavingmehuman,thenyourfamilyoughttohaveasay."

"Asayinwhat?"heasked,eachworddistinct."Mymortality.I'mputtingittoavote."24.VOTE

HEWASNOTPLEASED,THATMUCHWASEASYTOREADinhis face.But,without furtherargument,he tookme inhisarmsandsprang lithelyfrommywindow,landingwithouttheslightestjolt,likeacat.ItwasalittlebitfartherdownthanI'dimagined.

"Allrightthen,"hesaid,hisvoiceseethingwithdisapproval."Upyougo."Hehelpedmeontohisback,andtookoffrunning.Evenafterallthistime,itfeltroutine. Easy. Evidently this was something you never forgot, like riding abicycle.

Itwassoveryquietanddarkasheranthroughtheforest,hisbreathingslowandeven–darkenoughthatthetreesflyingpastuswerenearlyinvisible,andonlytherushof air inmy face trulygave awayour speed.The airwasdamp; it didn'tburnmyeyesthewaythewindinthebigplazahad,andthatwascomforting.Aswasthenight,too,afterthatterrifyingbrightness.LikethethickquiltI'dplayedunderasachild,thedarkfeltfamiliarandprotecting.

Irememberedthatrunningthroughtheforestlikethisusedtofrightenme,thatI

usedtohavetoclosemyeyes.Itseemedasillyreactiontomenow.Ikeptmyeyes wide, my chin resting on his shoulder, my cheek against his neck. Thespeedwasexhilarating.Ahundredtimesbetterthanthemotorcycle.

Iturnedmyfacetowardhimandpressedmylipsintothecoldstoneskinofhisneck. "Thankyou," he said, as thevague, black shapesof trees racedpast us."Doesthatmeanyou'vedecidedyou'reawake?"Ilaughed.Thesoundwaseasy,natural,effortless.Itsoundedright."Notreally.Morethat,eitherway,I'mnottryingtowakeup.Nottonight."

"I'llearnyourtrustbacksomehow,"hemurmured,mostlytohimself."Ifit'smyfinalact.""Itrustyou,"Iassuredhim."It'smeIdon'ttrust.""Explainthat,please."

He'dslowedtoawalk–Icouldonlytellbecausethewindceased–andIguessedthatweweren'tfarfromthehouse.Infact,IthoughtIcouldmakeoutthesoundoftheriverrushingsomewhereclosebyinthedarkness.

"Well–"Istruggledtofindtherightwaytophraseit."Idon'ttrustmyselftobe…enough.Todeserveyou.There'snothingaboutmethatcouldholdyou."

Hestoppedandreachedaroundtopullmefromhisback.Hisgentlehandsdidnotreleaseme;afterhe'dsetmeonmyfeetagain,hewrappedhisarmstightlyaroundme,huggingmetohischest."Yourholdispermanentandunbreakable,"hewhispered."Neverdoubtthat."

ButhowcouldInot?"Youneverdidtellme…"hemurmured."What?""Whatyourgreatestproblemis."

"I'llgiveyouoneguess." Isighed,andreachedup to touch the tipofhisnosewithmyindexfinger.

He nodded. "I'mworse than theVolturi," he said grimly. "I guess I've earnedthat."Irolledmyeyes."TheworsttheVolturicandoiskillme."Hewaitedwithtense eyes. "You can leave me," I explained. "The Volturi, Victoria… they'renothingcomparedtothat."

Evenin thedarkness, Icouldsee theanguish twisthis face–it remindedmeofhisexpressionunderJane'storturinggaze;Ifeltsick,andregrettedspeakingthetruth."Don't,"Iwhispered,touchinghisface."Don'tbesad."

He pulled one corner of hismouth up halfheartedly, but the expression didn'ttouchhiseyes."IftherewasonlysomewaytomakeyouseethatIcan't leave

you,"hewhispered."Time,Isuppose,willbethewaytoconvinceyou."

Ilikedtheideaoftime."Okay,"Iagreed.Hisfacewasstilltormented.Itriedtodistracthimwithinconsequentials.

"So–sinceyou'restaying.CanIhavemystuffback?"Iasked,makingmytoneaslightasIcouldmanage.

Myattemptworked,toanextent:helaughed.Buthiseyesretainedthemisery."Your things were never gone," he told me. "I knew it was wrong, since Ipromisedyoupeacewithoutreminders.Itwasstupidandchildish,butIwantedtoleavesomethingofmyselfwithyou.TheCD,thepictures,thetickets–they'reallunderyourfloorboards."

"Really?"Henodded,seemingslightlycheeredbymyobviouspleasureinthistrivialfact.Itwasn'tenoughtohealthepaininhisfacecompletely.

"Ithink,"Isaidslowly,"I'mnotsure,butIwonder…IthinkmaybeIknewitthewholetime.""Whatdidyouknow?"

Ionlywantedtotakeawaytheagonyinhiseyes,butasIspokethewords,theysoundedtruerthanIexpectedtheywould."Some part ofme,my subconsciousmaybe, never stopped believing that youstill cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing thevoices."Therewasaverydeepsilenceforamoment."Voices?"heaskedflatly.

"Well,justonevoice.Yours.It'salongstory."ThewarylookonhisfacemademewishthatIhadn'tbroughtthatup.WouldhethinkIwascrazy,likeeveryoneelse?Was everyone else right about that?But at least that expression–the onethatmadehimlooklikesomethingwasburninghim–faded.

"I'vegottime."Hisvoicewasunnaturallyeven."It'sprettypathetic."Hewaited.Iwasn'tsurehowtoexplain."DoyourememberwhatAlicesaidaboutextremesports?"Hespokethewordswithoutinflectionoremphasis."Youjumpedoffacliffforfun.""Er,right.Andbeforethat,withthemotorcycle–"

"Motorcycle?" he asked. I knew his voice well enough to hear somethingbrewingbehindthecalm.

"IguessIdidn'ttellAliceaboutthatpart."

"No."

"Well,aboutthat…See,Ifoundthat…whenIwasdoingsomethingdangerousorstupid…Icouldrememberyoumoreclearly,"Iconfessed,feelingcompletelymental. "I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. Icouldhearit,likeyouwerestandingrighttherenexttome.MostlyItriednottothinkaboutyou,butthisdidn'thurtsomuch–itwaslikeyouwereprotectingmeagain.Likeyoudidn'twantmetobehurt.

"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because,underneathitall.Ialwaysknewthatyouhadn'tstoppedlovingme."Again, as I spoke, the words brought with them a sense of conviction. Ofrightness.Somedeepplaceinsidemerecognizedtruth.

Hiswordscameouthalf-strangled."You…were…riskingyourlife…tohear–""Shh," I interrupted him. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphanyhere."

IthoughtofthatnightinPortAngeleswhenI'dhadmyfirstdelusion.I'dcomeupwithtwooptions.Insanityorwishfulfillment.I'dseennothirdoption.Butwhatif…

What ifyousincerelybelievedsomethingwastrue,butyouweredeadwrong?Whatifyouweresostubbornlysurethatyouwereright,thatyouwouldn'tevenconsiderthetruth?Wouldthetruthbesilenced,orwouldittrytobreakthrough?

Option three:Edward lovedme.Thebondforgedbetweenuswasnotone thatcouldbebrokenbyabsence,distance,or time.Andnomatterhowmuchmorespecial or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was asirreversibly altered as I was. As I would always belong to him, so would healwaysbemine.

WasthatwhatI'dbeentryingtotellmyself?"Oh!""Bella?""Oh.Okay.Isee.""Your epiphany?" he asked, his voice uneven and strained. "You love me," Imarveled.ThesenseofconvictionandTightnesswashedthroughmeagain.

Thoughhiseyeswerestillanxious,thecrookedsmileIlovedbestflashedacrosshisface."Truly,Ido."Myheart inflated like itwasgoing tocrackright throughmyribs. It filledmychestandblockedmythroatsothatIcouldnotspeak.

He reallydidwantme theway Iwantedhim–forever. Itwas only fear formysoul, for the human things he didn'twant to take fromme, thatmade him so

desperatetoleavememortal.Comparedtothefearthathedidn'twantme,thishurdle–mysoul–seemedalmostinsignificant.

He tookmy face tightly betweenhis cool hands andkissedmeuntil Iwas sodizzytheforestwasspinning.Thenheleanedhisforeheadagainstmine,andIwasnottheonlyonebreathingharderthanusual.

"YouwerebetteratitthanIwas,youknow,"hetoldme."Betteratwhat?"

"Surviving.You,atleast,madeaneffort.Yougotupinthemorning,triedtobenormal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life.When I wasn't activelytracking, Iwas…totallyuseless. I couldn'tbearoundmy family–Icouldn'tbearoundanyone.I'membarrassedtoadmitthatImoreorlesscurledupintoaballandletthemiseryhaveme."Hegrinned,sheepish."Itwasmuchmorepatheticthanhearingvoices.And,ofcourse,youknowIdothat,too."

Iwasdeeplyrelievedthathereallyseemedtounderstand–comfortedthatthisallmadesensetohim.Atanyrate,hewasn'tlookingatmelikeIwascrazy.Hewaslookingatmelike…helovedme.

"Ionlyheardonevoice,"Icorrectedhim.Helaughedandthenpulledmetightagainsthisrightsideandstartedtoleadmeforward.

"I'm justhumoringyouwith this."Hemotionedbroadlywithhishand towardthe darkness in front of us as we walked. There was something pale andimmensethere–thehouse,Irealized."Itdoesn'tmatterintheslightestwhattheysay."

"Thisaffectsthemnow,too."Heshruggedindifferently.

Heledmethroughtheopenfrontdoorintothedarkhouseandflippedthelightson.TheroomwasjustasI'drememberedit–thepianoandthewhitecouchesandthepale,massivestaircase.Nodust,nowhitesheets.

Edward called out the names with no more volume than I'd use in regularconversation. "Carlisle?Esme?Rosalie?Emmett? Jasper?Alice?"Theywouldhear.

Carlisle was suddenly standing beside me, as if he'd been there all along."Welcomeback,Bella."He smiled. "What canwe do for you thismorning? Iimagine,duetothehour,thatthisisnotapurelysocialvisit?"

Inodded."I'd like to talk toeveryoneatonce, if that'sokay.About somethingimportant." I couldn't help glancing up at Edward's face as I spoke. Hisexpressionwas critical, but resigned.When I looked back toCarlisle, hewaslookingatEdward,too."Ofcourse,"Carlislesaid."Whydon'twetalkintheotherroom?"

Carlisle led theway through the bright living room, around the corner to thedining room, turning on lights as hewent. Thewallswerewhite, the ceilingshigh, like the living room. In the center of the room, under the low-hangingchandelier,wasalarge,polishedovaltablesurroundedbyeightchairs.Carlisleheldoutachairformeatthehead.

I'dneverseen theCullensuse thediningroomtablebefore–itwas justaprop.Theydidn'teatinthehouse.

AssoonasIturnedtosit inthechair,Isawthatwewerenotalone.EsmehadfollowedEdward,andbehindhertherestofthefamilyfiledin.

Carlislesatdownonmyright,andEdwardonmyleft.Everyoneelsetooktheirseats in silence.Alicewasgrinningatme, already inon theplot.Emmett andJasperlookedcurious,andRosaliesmiledatmetentatively.Myansweringsmilewasjustastimid.Thatwasgoingtotakesomegettingusedto.

Carlislenoddedtowardme."Thefloorisyours."Iswallowed.Theirgazingeyesmademenervous.Edwardtookmyhandunderthetable.Ipeekedathim,buthewaswatchingtheothers,hisfatesuddenlyfierce."Well," I paused. "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything thathappenedinVolterra?"

"Everything," Alice assured me. I threw her a meaningful look. "And on theway?""That,too,"shenodded."Good,"Isighedwithrelief."Thenwe'reallonthesamepage."TheywaitedpatientlywhileItriedtoordermythoughts.

"So, I have a problem," I began. "Alice promised the Volturi that I wouldbecomeoneofyou.They'regoingtosendsomeonetocheck,andI'msurethat'sabadthing–somethingtoavoid.

"Andso,now,thisinvolvesyouall.I'msorryaboutthat."Ilookedateachoneoftheir beautiful faces, saving the most beautiful for last. Edward's mouth wasturneddown intoagrimace."But, ifyoudon'twantme, then I'mnotgoing toforcemyselfonyou,whetherAliceiswillingornot."

Esmeopenedhermouthtospeak,butIhelduponefingertostopher.

"Please,letmefinish.YouallknowwhatIwant.AndI'msureyouknowwhatEdwardthinks,too.Ithinktheonlyfairwaytodecideisforeveryonetohaveavote.Ifyoudecideyoudon'twantme,then…IguessI'llgobacktoItalyalone.Ican'thavethemcominghere."MyforeheadcreasedasIconsideredthat.

TherewasthefaintrumbleofagrowlinEdward'schest.Iignoredhim."Taking intoaccount, then, that Iwon'tputanyofyou indangereitherway, Iwantyoutovoteyesornoontheissueofmebecomingavampire."

I half-smiled on the last word, and gestured toward Carlisle to begin. "Just aminute,"Edwardinterrupted.Iglaredathimthroughnarrowedeyes.Heraisedhis eyebrows atme, squeezingmy hand. "I have something to add beforewevote."Isighed.

"AboutthedangerBella'sreferringto,"hecontinued."Idon'tthinkweneedtobeoverlyanxious."Hisexpressionbecamemoreanimated.Heputhisfreehandontheshiningtableandleanedforward.

"You see," he explained, looking around the tablewhile he spoke, "therewasmore thanone reasonwhy I didn'twant to shakeAro's hand there at the end.There's something theydidn't think of, and I didn'twant to cine them in."Hegrinned.

"Whichwas?"Aliceprodded.Iwassuremyexpressionwasjustasskepticalashers."TheVolturiareoverconfident,andwithgoodreason.Whentheydecidetofindsomeone,it'snotreallyaproblem.DoyourememberDemetri?"Heglanceddownatme.

Ishuddered.Hetookthatasayes."Hefindspeople–that'shistalent,whytheykeephim.

"Now,thewholetimewewerewithanyofthem,Iwaspickingtheirbrainsforanythingthatmightsaveus,gettingasmuchinformationaspossible.SoIsawhow Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker–a tracker a thousand times moregifted than Jarreswas.Hisability is loosely related towhat Ido,orwhatArodoes.Hecatchesthe…flavor?Idon'tknowhowtodescribeit…thetenor…ofsomeone'smind,andthenhefollowsthat.Itworksoverimmensedistances.

"ButafterAro'slittleexperiments,well…"Edwardshrugged."Youthinkhewon'tbeabletofindme,"Isaidflatly.

He was smug. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it

doesn'tworkwithyou,they'llallbeblind.""Andhowdoesthatsolveanything?"

"Quiteobviously,Alicewillbeabletotellwhenthey'replanningavisit,andI'llhide you. They'll be helpless," he saidwith fierce enjoyment. "It will be likelookingforapieceofstrawinahaystack!"HeandEmmettexchangedaglanceandasmirk.

Thismadenosense."Buttheycanfindyou,"Iremindedhim."AndIcantakecare of myself." Emmett laughed, and reached across the table toward hisbrother,extendingafist."Excellentplan,mybrother,"hesaidwithenthusiasm.Edward stretched out his arm to smack Emmett's fist with his own. "No,"Rosalie hissed. "Absolutely not," I agreed. "Nice." Jasper's voice wasappreciative."Idiots,"Alicemuttered.EsmejustglaredatEdward.Istraightenedupinmychair,focusing.Thiswasmymeeting.

"All right, then.Edwardhasofferedan alternative foryou to consider," I saidcoolly."Let'svote."IlookedtowardEdwardthistime;itwouldbebettertogethisopinionoutoftheway."Doyouwantmetojoinyourfamily?"

Hiseyeswerehardandblackasflint."Not thatway.You'restayinghuman."Inoddedonce,keepingmyfacebusinesslike,andthenmovedon."Alice?""Yes.""Jasper?"

"Yes,"hesaid,voicegrave.Iwasalittlesurprised–Ihadn'tbeenatallsureofhisvote–butIsuppressedmyreactionandmovedon.

"Rosalie?"Shehesitated,bitingdownonherfull,perfectbottomlip."No."

Ikeptmyfaceblankandturnedmyheadslightly tomoveon,butsheheldupbothherhands,palmsforward."Letmeexplain,"shepleaded."Idon'tmeanthatIhaveanyaversiontoyouasasister.It'sjustthat…thisisnotthelifeIwouldhavechosenformyself.Iwishtherehadbeensomeonetheretovotenoforme."

Inoddedslowly,andthenturnedtoEmmett."Hell,yes!"Hegrinned."WecanfindsomeotherwaytopickafightwiththisDemetri."IwasstillgrimacingatthatwhenIlookedatEsme."Yes,ofcourse,Bella.Ialreadythinkofyouaspartofmyfamily.""Thankyou,Esme,"ImurmuredasIturnedtowardCarlisle.

Iwas suddenlynervous,wishing Ihadasked forhisvote first. Iwas sure that

this was the vote that mattered most, the vote that counted more than anymajority.

Carlislewasn'tlookingatme."Edward,"hesaid."No,"Edwardgrowled.Hisjawwasstrainedtight,hislipscurledbackfromhisteeth.

"It'stheonlywaythatmakessense,"Carlisleinsisted."You'vechosennottolivewithouther,andthatdoesn'tleavemeachoice."Edwarddroppedmyhand, shovingaway from the table.Hestalkedoutof theroom,snarlingunderhisbreath.

"Iguessyouknowmyvote."Carlislesighed.IwasstillstaringafterEdward."Thanks,"Imumbled.Anearsplittingcrashechoedfromtheotherroom.

I flinched, and spokequickly. "That's all Ineeded.Thankyou.Forwanting tokeep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too." My voice wasjaggedwithemotionbytheend.

Esmewasatmysideinaflash,hercoldarmsaroundme."DearestBella,"shebreathed.

Ihuggedherback.Outofthecornerofmyeye,InoticedRosalielookingdownatthetable,andIrealizedthatmywordscouldbeconstruedintwoways."Well,Alice,"IsaidwhenEsmereleasedme."Wheredoyouwanttodothis?"Alicestaredatme,hereyeswideningwithterror.

"No!No!NO!"Edwardroared,chargingbackintotheroom.HewasinmyfacebeforeIhadtimetoblink,bendingoverme,hisexpressiontwistedinrage."Areyouinsane?"heshouted."Haveyouutterlylostyourmind?"

Icringedaway,myhandsovermyears."Um,Bella,"Alice interjected inananxiousvoice."Idon't thinkI'mready forthat.I'llneedtoprepare…"

"Youpromised,"Iremindedher,glaringunderEdward'sarm."Iknow,but…Seriously,Bella!Idon'thaveanyideahowtonotkillyou.""Youcandoit,"Iencouraged."Itrustyou."Edwardsnarledinfury.Aliceshookherheadquickly,lookingpanicked."Carlisle?"Iturnedtolookathim.

Edwardgrabbedmyfaceinhishand,forcingmetolookathim.Hisotherhandwasout,palmtowardCarlisle.Carlisle ignored that. "I'mable todo it,"heansweredmyquestion. Iwished Icouldseehisexpression."Youwouldbeinnodangerofmelosingcontrol.""Soundsgood."Ihopedhecouldunderstand;itwashardtotalkclearlythewayEdwardheldmyjaw.

"Holdon,"Edwardsaidbetweenhisteeth."Itdoesn'thavetobenow.""There'snoreasonforitnottobenow,"Isaid,thewordscomingoutdistorted."Icanthinkofafew.""Ofcourseyoucan,"Isaidsourly."Nowletgoofme."

He freedmy face, and folded his arms across his chest. "In about two hours,Charliewill behere looking foryou. Iwouldn't put it past him to involve thepolice.""Allthreeofthem."ButIfrowned.

Thiswasalwaysthehardestpart.Charlie,Renee.NowJacob,too.ThepeopleIwouldlose,thepeopleIwouldhurt.IwishedtherewassomewaythatIcouldbetheonlyonetosuffer,butIknewthatwasimpossible.

Atthesametime,Iwashurtingthemmorebystayinghuman.PuttingCharlieinconstant danger through my proximity. Putting Jake in worse danger still bydrawing his enemies across the land he felt bound to protect. And Renee–Icouldn'tevenriskavisit toseemyownmotherforfearofbringingmydeadlyproblemsalongwithme!

Iwasadangermagnet;I'dacceptedthataboutmyself.Acceptingthis,IknewIneededtobeabletotakecareofmyselfandprotecttheonesIloved,evenifthatmeantthatIcouldn'tbewiththem.Ineededtobestrong.

"Intheinterestofremaining inconspicuous,"Edwardsaid,still talking throughhis gritted teeth, but looking at Carlisle now, "I suggest that we put thisconversationoff,attheveryleastuntilBellafinisheshighschool,andmovesoutofCharlie'shouse."

"That'sareasonablerequest,Bella,"Carlislepointedout.

IthoughtaboutCharlie'sreactionwhenhewokeupthismorning,if–afterallthatlifehadputhimthroughin the lastweekwithHarry's loss,and thenIhadputhimthroughwithmyunexplaineddisappearance–heweretofindmybedempty.Charliedeservedbetterthanthat.Itwasjustalittlemoretime;graduationwasn'tsofaraway…

Ipursedmylips."I'llconsiderit."Edwardrelaxed.Hisjawunclenched.

"I should probably take you home," he said,more calm now, but clearly in ahurrytogetmeoutofhere."JustincaseCharliewakesupearly."

IlookedatCarlisle."Aftergraduation?""Youhavemyword."I tookadeepbreath,smiled,and turnedback toEdward."Okay.Youcan takemehome."

EdwardrushedmeoutofthehousebeforeCarlislecouldpromisemeanythingelse.Hetookmeouttheback,soIdidn'tgettoseewhatwasbrokeninthelivingroom.

Itwasaquiettriphome.Iwasfeelingtriumphant,andalittlesmug.Scaredstiff,too,ofcourse,butItriednottothinkaboutthatpart.Itdidmenogoodtoworryaboutthepain–thephysicalortheemotional–soIwouldn't.NotuntilIabsolutelyhadto.

Whenwe got tomy house, Edward didn't pause. He dashed up the wall andthroughmywindowinhalfasecond.Thenhepulledmyarmsfrcmaroundhisneckandsetmeonthebed.

I thought Ihadaprettygood ideaofwhathewas thinking,buthisexpressionsurprisedme.Insteadoffurious,itwascalculating.HepacedsilentlybackandforthacrossmydarkroomwhileIwatchedwithgrowingsuspicion."Whateveryou'replanning,it'snotgoingtowork,"Itoldhim.

"Shh. I'm thinking." "Ugh," I groaned, throwingmyself back on the bed andpullingthequiltovermyhead.

Therewasnosound,butsuddenlyhewasthere.Heflippedthecoverbacksohecouldseeme.Hewas lyingnext tome.Hishandreacheduptobrushmyhairfrommycheek. "Ifyoudon'tmind, I'dmuch ratheryoudidn'thideyour face.I'velivedwithoutitforaslongasIcanstand.Now…tellmesomething."

"What?"Iasked,unwilling."Ifyoucouldhaveanythingintheworld,anythingatall,whatwoulditbe?"Icouldfeeltheskepticisminmyeyes."You."Heshookhisheadimpatiently."Somethingyoudon'talreadyhave."

Iwasn't surewhere hewas trying to leadme, so I thought carefully before Ianswered. I came up with something that was both true, and also probably

impossible."Iwouldwant…Carlislenottohavetodoit.Iwouldwantyoutochangeme."Iwatchedhisreactionwarily,expectingmoreof thefuryI'dseenathishouse.Iwas surprised that his expression didn't change. It was still calculating,thoughtful."Whatwouldyoubewillingtotradeforthat?"I couldn'tbelievemyears. Igawkedathis composed faceandblurtedout theanswerbeforeIcouldthinkaboutit.

"Anything."Hesmiledfaintly,andthenpursedhislips."Fiveyears?"My face twisted into an expression somewhere between chagrin and horror."Yousaidanything,"heremindedme.

"Yes,but…you'llusethetimetofindawayoutofit.Ihavetostrikewhiletheiron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human–forme, at least. So,anythingbutthat."

Hefrowned."Threeyears?""No!""Isn'titworthanyrhingtoyouatall?"

IthoughtabouthowmuchIwantedthis.Bettertokeepapokerface,Idecided,andnotlethimknowhowverymuchthatwas.Itwouldgivememoreleverage."Sixmonths?"

He rolled his eyes. "Not good enough." "One year, then," I said. "That's mylimit.""Atleastgivemetwo."

"Noway.Nineteen I'll do.But I'm not going anywherenear twenty. If you'restayinginyourteensforever,thensoamI."Hethoughtforaminute."Allright.Forgettimelimits.Ifyouwantmetobetheone–thenyou'lljusthavetomeetonecondition."

"Condition?"Myvoicewentflat."Whatcondition?"Hiseyeswerecautious–hespokeslowly."Marrymefirst."Istaredathim,waiting…"Okay.What'sthepunchline?"

He sighed. "You'rewoundingmy ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and youthinkit'sajoke."

"Edward,pleasebeserious.""Iamonehundredpercentserious."Hegazedatmewithnohintofhumorinhisface."Oh,c'mon,"Isaid,anedgeofhysteriainmyvoice."I'monlyeighteen."

"Well,I'mnearlyahundredandten.It'stimeIsettleddown."Ilookedaway,outthedarkwindow,tryingtocontrolthepanicbeforeitgavemeaway.

"Look,marriageisn'texactlythathighonmylistofpriorities,youknow?ItwassortofthekissofdeathforReneeandCharlie."

"Interestingchoiceofwords.""YouknowwhatImean."

Heinhaleddeeply."Pleasedon't tellmethatyou'reafraidofthecommitment,"hisvoicewasdisbelieving,andIunderstoodwhathemeant."That's not it exactly," I hedged. "I'm…afraid ofRenee. She has some reallyintenseopinionsongettingmarriedbeforeyou'rethirty."

"Becauseshe'dratheryoubecameoneoftheeternaldamnedthangetmarried."Helaugheddarkly."Youthinkyou'rejoking."

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union asopposedtobarteringyoursoul inexchangeforaneternityasavampire…"Heshookhishead."Ifyou'renotbraveenoughtomarryme,then–"

"Well," I interrupted. "What if I did?What if I told you to takeme toVegasnow?WouldIbeavampireinthreedays?"

Hesmiled,histeethflashinginthedark."Sure,"hesaid,callingmybluff."I'llgetmycar.""Dammit."Imuttered."I'llgiveyoueighteenmonths.""Nodeal,"he said, grinning. "I like this condition." "Fine. I'll haveCarlisle do itwhen Igraduate.""Ifthat'swhatyoureallywant."Heshrugged,andhissmilebecameabsolutely angelic. "You're impossible," I groaned. "Amonster."He chuckled."Isthatwhyyouwon'tmarryme?"Igroanedagain.

He leaned towardme;hisnight-darkeyesmeltedandsmolderedandshatteredmyconcentration."Please,Bella?"hebreathed.I forgot how to breathe for a moment. When I recovered, I shook my headquickly,tryingtoclearmysuddenlycloudedmind.

"Would thishavegonebetter if Idhad time togeta ring.'" "No!Norings!" Ivery nearly snouted. "Now you've done it," he whispered. "Oops." "Charlie'sgetting up; I'd better leave," Edward said with resignation.My heart stoppedbeating.

Hegaugedmyexpressionforasecond."Would itbechildishofmetohide inyourcloset,then?"

"No,"Iwhisperedeagerly."Stay.Please."Edwardsmiledanddisappeared.

IseethedinthedarknessasIwaitedforCharlietocheckonme.Edwardknewexactlywhathewasdoing,andIwaswillingtobetthatalltheinjuredsurprisewas part of the ploy.Of course, I still had theCarlisle option, but now that IknewtherewasachancethatEdwardwouldchangemehimself,Iwanteditbad.Hewassuchacheater.

Mydoorcrackedopen."Morning,Dad."

"Oh,hey,Bella."Hesoundedembarrassedatgettingcaught."Ididn'tknowyouwereawake.""Yeah. I've just beenwaiting ior you towake up so I could take a shower." Istartedtogetup."Holdon,"Charliesaid,flippingthelighton.Iblinkedinthesuddenbrightness,andcarefullykeptmyeyesawayfromthecloset."Let'stalkforaminutefirst."

Icouldn'tcontrolmygrimace.I'dforgottentoaskAliceforagoodexcuse."Youknowyou'reintrouble.""Yeah,Iknow."

"Ijustaboutwentcrazytheselastthreedays.IcomehomefromHarry'sfuneral,andyou'regone.Jacobcouldonlytellmethatyou'drunoffwithAliceCullen,andthathethoughtyouwereintrouble.Youdidn'tleavemeanumber,andyoudidn'tcall.Ididn'tknowwhereyouwereorwhen–orif–youwerecomingback.Doyouhaveanyideahow…how…"Hecouldn'tfinishthesentence.Hesuckedinasharpbreathandmovedon."CanyougivemeonereasonwhyIshouldn'tshipyouofftoJacksonvillethissecond?"

Myeyesnarrowed.Soitwasgoingtobethreats,wasit?Twocouldplayatthatgame.Isatup,pullingthequiltaroundme."BecauseIwon'tgo.""Nowjustoneminute,younglady–"

"Look,Dad, Iacceptcomplete responsibility formyactions,andyouhave theright to groundme for as long as youwant. Iwill also do all the chores andlaundry and dishes until you think I've learnedmy lesson.And I guess you'rewithinyourrightsifyouwanttokickmeout,too–butthatwon'tmakemetogotoFlorida."

Hisfaceturnedbrightred.Hetookafewdeepbreathsbeforeheanswered."Wouldyouliketoexplainwhereyou'vebeen?"Oh,crap."Therewas…anemergency."Heraisedhiseyebrowsinexpectationof

mybrilliantexplanation.

Ifilledmycheekswithairandthenblewitoutnoisily."Idon'tknowwhattotellyou, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out ofhand."Hewaitedwithadistrustfulexpression.

"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…" I was scramblingfranticallytomakethiswork,tokeepitasclosetothetruthaspossiblesothatmy inability to lie convincinglywouldnotundermine the excuse, but before Icould go on, Charlie's expression reminded me that he didn't know arythingaboutthecliff.

Majoroops.AsifIwasn'talreadytoast.

"IguessIdidn'ttellyouaboutthat,"Ichokedout."Itwasnothing.Justmessingaround,swimmingwithJake.Anyway,RosalietoldEdward,andhewasupset.She sort of accidentally made it sound like I wa? trying to kill myself orsomething.Hewouldn't answer his phone, soAlice draggedme to…L.A., toexplain in person." I shrugged, desperately hoping that he would not be sodistractedbymyslipthathe'dmissthebrilliantexplanationI'dprovided.

Charlie's face was frozen. "Were you trying to kill yourself, Bella?" "No, ofcoursenot.JusthavingfunwithJake.Cliffdiving.TheLaPushkidsdoitallthetime.LikeIsaid,nothing."Charlie's face heated up–from frozen to hot with fury. "What's it to EdwardCullenanyway?"hebarked."Allthistime,he'sjustleftyoudanglingwithoutaword–"

Iinterruptedhim."Anothermisunderstanding."Hisfaceflushedagain."Soishebackthen?""I'mnotsurewhattheexactplanis.Ithinktheyallare."

Heshookhishead, thevein inhis foreheadpulsing. "Iwantyou tostayawayfromhim,Bella.Idon'ttrusthim.He'srottenforyou.Iwon'tlethimmessyouuplikethatagain.""Fine,"Isaidcurtly.Charlierockedbackontohisheels."Oh."Hescrambledforasecond,exhalingloudlyinsurprise."Ithoughtyouweregoingtobedifficult.""Iam."Istaredstraightintohiseyes."Imeant,'Fine,I'llmoveout.'"

Hiseyesbulged;hisfaceturnedpuce.MyresolvewaveredasIstartedtoworryabouthishealth.HewasnoyoungerthanHarry…

"Dad, I don'twant tomove out," I said in a softer tone. "I love you. I knowyou'reworried, but youneed to trustmeon this.Andyou're going to have toeaseuponEdwardifyouwantmetostay.Doyouwantmetolivehereornot?"

"That'snotfair,Bella.YouknowIwantyoutostay.""ThenbenicetoEdward,becausehe'sgoingtobewhereIam."Isaiditwithconfidence.Theconvictionofmyepiphanywasstillstrong."Notundermyroof,"Charliestormed.

I sighed aheavy sigh. "Look, I'mnotgoing togiveyou anymoreultimatumstonight–orIguessit'sthismorning.Justthinkaboutitforafewdays,okay?ButkeepinmindthatEdwardandIaresortofapackagedeal."

"Bella–""Thinkitover,"Iinsisted."Andwhileyou'redoingthat,couldyougivemesomeprivacy?Ireallyneedashower."Charlie's face was a strange shade of purple, but he left, slamming the doorbehindhim.Iheardhimstompfuriouslydownthestairs.Ithrewoffmyquilt,andEdwardwasalreadythere,sittingintherockingchairasifhedbeenpresentthroughthewholeconversation."Sorryaboutthat,"Iwhispered."It'snotasifIdon'tdeservefarworse,"hemurmured."Don'tstartanythingwithCharlieoverme,please."

"Don'tworryaboutit,"IbreathedasIgatheredupmybathroomthingsandasetofcleanclothes."Iwillstartexactlyasmuchasisnecessary,andnomorethanthat.OrareyoutryingtotellmeIhavenowheretogo?"Iwidenedmyeyeswithfalsealarm.

"You'dmoveinwithahousefullofvampires?""That'sprobablythesafestplaceforsomeonelikeme.Besides…"Igrinned."IfCharliekicksmeout,thenthere'snoneedforagraduationdeadline,isthere?"

Hisjawtightened."Soeagerforeternaldamnation,"hemuttered."Youknowyoudon'treallybelievethat.""Oh,don'tI?"hefumed."No.Youdon't."Hegloweredatmeandstartedtospeak,butIcuthimoff.

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you inVolterra,youwouldhaverealizedimmediatelywhatwashappening, insteadofthinkingwewerebothdeadtogether.Butyoudidn't–yousaid'Amazing.Carlislewasright,'"Iremindedhim,triumphant."There'shopeinyou,afterall."

For once, Edwardwas speechless. "So let's both just be hopeful, all right?" I

suggested."Notthatitmatters.Ifyoustay,Idon'tneedheaven."He got up slowly, and came to put his hands on either side ofmy face as hestaredintomyeyes."Forever,"hevowed,stillalittlestaggered."That's all I'masking for," I said, and stretcheduponmy toes so that I couldpressmylipstohis.EPILOGUETREATY

ALMOST EVERYTHING WAS BACK TO NORMAL–THE GOOD, pre-zombienormal–in less time than Iwouldhavebelievedpossible.Thehospitalwelcomed Carlisle back with eager arms, not even bothering to conceal theirdelight that Esme had found life in L.A. so little to her liking. Thanks to theCalculustestI'dmissedwhileabroad,AliceandEdwardwereinbettertoshapetograduatethanIwasatthemoment.Suddenly,collegewasapriority(collegewasstillplanB,ontheoffchancethatEdward'sofferswayedmefromthepost-graduationCarlisleoption).Manydeadlineshadpassedmeby,butEdwardhadanew stack of applications forme to fill out every day. He'd already done theHarvard route, so it didn't bother him that, thanks to my procrastination, wemightbothendupatPeninsulaCommunityCollegenextyear.

Charliewasnothappywithme,orspeakingtoEdward.ButatleastEdwardwasallowed–during my designated visiting hours–inside the house again. I justwasn'tallowedoutofit.

Schoolandworkweretheonlyexceptions,andthedreary,dullyellowwallsofmy classrooms had becomeoddly inviting tome of late.That had a lot to dowiththepersonwhosatinthedeskbesideme.

Edwardhadresumedhisschedulefromthebeginningoftheyear,whichputhimin most of my classes again. My behavior had been such last fall, after theCullens'supposedmovetoL.A., that theseatbesidemehadneverbeenfilled.EvenMike,alwayseagertotakeanyadvantage,hadkeptasafedistance.WithEdward back in place, it was almost as if the last eight months were just adisturbingnightmare.

Almost,butnotquite.Therewas thehousearrestsituation, forone thing.Andforanother,before the fall, Ihadn'tbeenbest friendswithJacobBlack.So,ofcourse,Ihadn'tmissedhimthen.

I wasn't at liberty to go to La Push, and Jacobwasn't coming to seeme. Hewouldn'tevenanswermyphonecalls.

Imadethesecallsmostlyatnight,afterEdwardhadbeenkickedout–promptlyat

nine by a grimly gleeful Charlie–and before Edward snuck back through mywindowwhenCharliewasasleep. I chose that time tomakemy fruitlesscallsbecause I'd noticed that Edward made a certain face every time I mentionedJacob'sname.Sortofdisapprovingandwary…maybeevenangry.Iguessedthathehad some reciprocal prejudice against thewerewolves, thoughhewasn't asvocalasJacobhadbeenaboutthe"bloodsuckers."

So,Ididn'tmentionJacobmuch.With Edward near me, it was hard to think about unhappy things–even myformerbesifnend,whowasprobablyveryunhappyrightnow,duetome.WhenIdidthinkofJake,Ialwaysfeltguiltyfornotthinkingofhimmore.Thefairytalewasbackon.Princereturned,badspellbroken.Iwasn'tsureexactlywhattodoabouttheleftover,unresolvedcharacter.Wherewashishappilyeverafter?

Weekspassed,andJacobstillwouldn'tanswermycalls. Itstartedtobecomeaconstantworry.LikeadrippingfaucetinthebackofmyheadthatIcouldn'tshutofforignore.Drip,drip,drip.Jacob,Jacob,Jacob.

So, thoughIdidn'tmentionJacobmuch,sometimesmyfrustrationandanxietyboiledover."It'sjustplainrude!"IventedoneSaturdayafternoonwhenEdwardpicked me up from work. Being angry about things was easier than feelingguilty. "Downright insulting!" I'd varied my pattern, in hopes of a differentresponse. I'd called Jake fromwork this time, only to get an unhelpful Billy.Again."Billysaidhedidn'twanttotalktome,"Ifumed,glaringattherainoozingdownthepassengerwindow.

"Thathewasthere,andwouldn'twalkthreestepstoget tothephone!UsuallyBillyjustsayshe'soutorbusyorsleepingorsomething.Imean,it'snot likeIdidn'tknowhewas lying tome,butat least itwasapoliteway tohandle it. IguessBillyhatesmenow,too.It'snotfair!"

"It'snotyou,Bella,"Edwardsaidquietly."Nobodyhatesyou."

"Feelsthatway,"Imuttered,foldingmyarmsacrossmychest.Itwasnomorethanastubborngesture.Therewasnoholetherenow–Icouldbarelyremembertheemptyfeelinganymore.

"Jacobknowswe'reback,andI'msurethathe'sascertainedthatI'mwithyou,"Edward said. "He won't come anywhere near me. The enmity is rooted toodeeply."

"That'sstupid.Heknowsyou'renot…likeothervampires.""There'sstillgood

reasontokeepasafedistance."Iglaredblindlyoutthewindshield,seeingonlyJacob'sface,setinthebittermaskIhated.

"Bella,wearewhatweare,"Edward saidquietly. "I cancontrolmyself,but Idoubthecan.He'sveryyoung.Itwouldmostlikelyturnintoafight,andIdon'tknow if I could stop it before I k–"hebrokeoff, and thenquickly continued."BeforeIhurthim.Youwouldbeunhappy.Idon'twantthattohappen."

IrememberedwhatJacobhadsaidinthekitchen,hearingthewordswithperfectrecallinhishuskyvoice.I'mnotsurethatI'meven-temperedenoughtohandlethat…Youprobablywouldn'tlikeitsomuchifIkilledyourfriend.Buthe'dbeenabletohandleit,thattime…

"EdwardCullen,"Iwhispered."Wereyouabouttosay'killedhim?Wereyou?"He looked away fromme, staring into the rain. In front of us, the red light Ihadn't noticed turned green and he started forward again, driving very slowly.Nothisusualwayofdriving."Iwouldtry…veryhard…nottodothat,"Edwardfinally said. I staredathimwithmymouthhangingopen,buthecontinued tolookstraightahead.Wewerepausedatthecornerstopsign.Abruptly, I rememberedwhathadhappened toPariswhenRomeocameback.Thestagedirectionsweresimple:Theyfight.Parisfalls.Butthatwasridiculous.Impossible.

"Well,"Isaid,andtookadeepbreath,shakingmyheadtodispel thewords inmy head. "Nothing like that is ever going to happen, so there's no reason toworry about it. And you knowCharlie's staring at the clock right now.You'dbettergetmehomebeforeIgetinmoretroubleforbeinglate."

Iturnedmyfaceuptowardhim,tosmilehalfheartedly.

EverytimeIlookedathisface,thatimpossiblyperfectface,myheartpoundedstrong and healthy and very there inmy chest. This time, the pounding racedaheadof itsusualbesottedpace. I recognized theexpressiononhis statue-stillface.

"You'realreadyinmoretrouble,Bella,"hewhisperedthroughunmovinglips.

Islidcloser,clutchinghisarmasIfollowedhisgazetoseewhathewasseeing.Idon'tknowwhatIexpected–maybeVictoriastandinginthemiddleofthestreet,her flaming redhairblowing in thewind,or a lineof tallblackcloaks…orapackofangrywerewolves.ButIdidn'tseeanythingatall.

"What?Whatisit?"Hetookadeepbreath."Charlie…""Mydad?"Iscreeched.

Helookeddownatmethen,andhisexpressionwascalmenoughtoeasesomeofmypanic.

"Charlie…isprobablynotgoingtokillyou,buthe'sthinkingaboutit,"hetoldme.Hestartedtodriveforwardagain,downmystreet,buthepassedthehouseandparkedbytheedgeofthetrees.

"WhatdidIdo?"Igasped.

EdwardglancedbackatCharlie'shouse.Ifollowedhisgaze,andnoticedforthefirsttimewhatwasparkedinthedrivewaynexttothecruiser.Shiny,brightred,impossibletomiss.Mymotorcycle,flauntingitselfinthedriveway.

EdwardhadsaidthatCharliewasreadytokillme,sohemustknowthat–thatitwasmine.Therewasonlyonepersonwhocouldbebehindthistreachery.

"No!"Igasped."Why?WhywouldJacobdothistome?"Thestingofbetrayalwashedthroughme.IhadtrustedJacobimplicitly–trustedhimwitheverysinglesecretIhad.Hewassupposedtobemysafeharbor–thepersonIcouldalwaysrelyon.Ofcourse thingswerestrainedrightnow,but Ididn't thinkanyof theunderlyingfoundationhadchanged.Ididn'tthinkthatwaschangeable!

What had I done to deserve this?Charliewas going to be somad–andworsethan that,hewasgoing tobehurtandworried.Didn'thehaveenough todealwithalready?IwouldhaveneverimaginedthatJakecouldbesopettyandjustplainmean. Tears sprang, smarting, into my eyes, but they were not tears ofsadness. I had been betrayed. Iwas suddenly so angry thatmyhead throbbedlikeitwasgoingtoexplode.

"Ishestillhere?"Ihissed."Yes.He'swaiting for us there."Edward toldme, nodding toward the slenderpaththatdividedthedarkfringeoftheforestintwo.Ijumpedoutofthecar,launchingmyselftowardthetreeswithmyhandsalreadyballedintofistsforthefirstpunch.

WhydidEdwardhavetobesomuchfasterthanme?HecaughtmearoundthewaistbeforeImadethepath."Letmego!I'mgoingtomurderhim!Traitor!"Ishoutedtheepithettowardthetrees.

"Charliewillhearyou,"Edwardwarnedme."Andoncehegetsyou inside,hemaybrickoverthedoorway."Iglancedbackatthehouseinstinctively,anditseemedliketheglossyredbike

wasallIcouldsee.Iwasseeingred.Myheadthrobbedagain."JustgivemeoneroundwithJacob,andthenI'lldealwithCharlie."Istruggledfutilelytobreakfree."JacobBlackwantstoseeme.That'swhyhe'sstillhere."Thatstoppedmecold–tookthefightrightoutofme.Myhandswentlimp.Theyfight;Parisfalls.

Iwasfurious,butnotthatfurious."Talk?"Iasked."Moreorless.""Howmuchmore?"Myvoiceshook.

Edward smoothedmy hair back frommy face. "Don'tworry, he's not here tofightme.He'sactingas…spokespersonforthepack.""Oh."Edwardlookedatthehouseagain,thentightenedhisarmaroundmywaistandpulledmetowardthewoods."Weshouldhurry.Charlie'sgettingimpatient."

Wedidn'thavetogofar;Jacobwaitedjustashortwaysupthepath.Heloungedagainstamossytreetrunkashewaited,hisfacehardandbitter,exactlythewayI knew it would be. He looked at me, and then at Edward. Jacob's mouthstretchedintoahumorlesssneer,andheshruggedawayfromthetree.Hestoodontheballsofhisbarefeet, leaningslightlyforward,withhis tremblinghandsclenchedintofists.HelookedbiggerthanthelasttimeI'dseenhim.Somehow,impossibly, hewas still growing.Hewould tower over Edward, if they stoodnexttoeachother.

ButEdwardstoppedassoonaswesawhim, leavingawidespacebetweenusand Jacob. Edward turned his body, shifting me so that I was behind him. IleanedaroundhimtostareatJacob–toaccusehimwithmyeyes.

Iwould have thought that seeing his resentful, cynical expressionwould onlymakemeangrier.Instead,itremindedmeofthelasttimeI'dseenhim,withtearsinhiseyes.Myfuryweakened,faltered,asIstaredatJacob.IthadbeensolongsinceI'dseenhim–Ihatedthatourreunionhadtobelikethis.

"Bella,"Jacobsaidasagreeting,noddingoncetowardmewithoutlookingawayfromEdward."Why?" Iwhispered, trying tohide thesoundof the lump inmy throat. "Howcouldyoudothistome,Jacob?"Thesneervanished,buthisfacestayedhardandrigid."It'sforthebest."

"What is that supposed tomean?DoyouwantCharlie tostrangleme?Ordidyouwanthimtohaveaheartattack,likeHarry?Nomatterhowmadyouareat

me,howcouldyoudothistohim?"

Jacobwinced,andhiseyebrowspulledtogether,buthedidn'tanswer."Hedidn'twanttohurtanyone–hejustwantedtogetyougrounded,sothatyouwouldn'tbeallowedtospendtimewithme,"Edwardmurmured,explainingthethoughts Jacobwouldn't say. Jacob's eyes sparkedwithhate ashegloweredatEdwardagain."Aw,Jake!"Igroaned."I'malreadygrounded!WhydoyouthinkIhaven'tbeendowntoLaPushtokickyourbuttforavoidingmyphonecalls?"Jacob's eyes flashedback tome, confused for the first time. "That'swhy?"heasked,andthenlockedhisjaw,likehewassorryhe'dsaidanything.

"HethoughtIwouldn'tletyou,notCharlie,"Edwardexplainedagain."Stopthat,"Jacobsnapped.Edwarddidn'tanswer.

Jacobshudderedonce,andthengrittedhisteethashardashisfists."Bellawasn'texaggerating about your… abilities," he said through his teeth. "So youmustalreadyknowwhyI'mhere."

"Yes," Edward agreed in a soft voice. "But, before you begin, I need to saysomething." Jacobwaited, clenching and unclenching his hands as he tried tocontroltheshiversrollingdownhisarms."Thank you," Edward said, and his voice throbbed with the depth of hissincerity."IwillneverbeabletotellyouhowgratefulIam.Iwilloweyoufortherestofmy…existence."Jacobstaredathimblankly,hisshuddersstilledbysurprise. He exchanged a quick glance with me, but my face was just asmystified.

"ForkeepingBellaalive,"Edwardclarified,hisvoiceroughandfervent."WhenI…didn't." "Edward–," I started to say, but he held one hand up, his eyes onJacob.

UnderstandingwashedoverJacob'sfacebeforethehardmaskreturned."Ididn'tdoitforyourbenefit.""Iknow.Butthatdoesn'terasethegratitudeIfeel.Ithoughtyoushouldknow.Ifthere'severanythinginmypowertodoforyou…"

Jacobraisedoneblackbrow.Edwardshookhishead."That'snotinmypower.""Whose,then?"Jacobgrowled.Edwardlookeddownatme."Hers.I'maquicklearner,JacobBlack,andIdon'tmakethesamemistaketwice.I'mhereuntilsheordersmeaway."

Iwas immersedmomentarily in his golden gaze. Itwasn't hard to understandwhatI'dmissedintheconversation.TheonlythingthatJacobwouldwantfromEdwardwouldbehisabsence.

"Never," I whispered, still locked in Edward's eyes. Jacob made a gaggingsound.

I unwillingly broke free from Edward's gaze to frown at Jacob. "Was theresomething else you needed, Jacob? You wanted me in trouble–missionAccomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school. But that won'tkeepmeawayfromEdward.There'snothingthatcandothat.Whatmoredoyouwant?"

Jacob kept his eyes on Edward "I just needed to remind your bloodsuckingfriendsof a fewkeypoints in the treaty they agreed to.The treaty chat is theonlythingstoppingmefromrippinghisthroatoutrightthisminute."

"Wehaven't forgotten,"Edward saidat the same time that Idemanded, "Whatkeypoints?"

Jacob still glowered at Edward, but he answered me. "The treaty is quitespecific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. Bite, not kill," heemphasized.Finally,helookedatme.Hiseyeswerecold.

Itonlytookmeasecondtograspthedistinction,andthenmyfacewasascoldas his. "That's none of your business." "The hell it–" was all he managed tochokeout.

Ididn'texpectmyhastywords tobringonsuchastrongresponse.Despite thewarninghe'dcometogive,hemustnothaveknown.Hemusthavethoughtthewarningwasjustaprecaution.Hehadn'trealized–ordidn'twanttobelieve–thatIhadalreadymademychoice.ThatIwasreallyintendingtobecomeamemberoftheCullenfamily.

MyanswersentJacobintonearconvulsions.Hepressedhisfistshardagainsthistemples,closinghiseyestightandcurlinginonhimselfashetriedtocontrolthespasms.Hisfaceturnedsallowgreenundertherussetskin.

"Jake?Youokay?"Iaskedanxiously.Itookahalf-steptowardhim,thenEdwardcaughtmeandyankedmebackbehindhisownbody."Careful!He'snotundercontrol,"hewarnedme.

But Jacob was already somewhat himself again; only his arms were shakingnow.HescowledatEdwardwithpurehate."Ugh.Iwouldneverhurther."

NeitherEdwardorImissedtheinflection,ortheaccusationitcontained.AlowhissescapedEdward'slips.Jacobclenchedhisfistsreflexively.

"BELLA!"Charlie'sroarechoedfromthedirectionofthehouse."YOUGETINTHISHOUSETHISINSTANT!"

Allofusfroze,listeningtothesilencethatfollowed.Iwasthefirsttospeak;myvoicetrembled."Crap."

Jacob'sfuriousexpressionfaltered."Iamsorryaboutthat,"hemuttered."IhadtodowhatIcould–Ihadtotry…"

"Thanks."Thetremorinmyvoiceruinedthesarcasm.Istaredupthepath,half-expectingCharlietocomebarrelingthroughthewetfernslikeanenragedbull.Iwouldbetheredflaginthatscenario.

"Justonemorething,"Edwardsaidtome,andthenhelookedatJacob."We'vefoundnotraceofVictoriaonoursideoftheline–haveyou?"

He knew the answer as soon as Jacob thought it, but Jacob spoke the answeranyway."Trielast timewaswhileBellawas…away.Weletherthinkshewasslippingthrough–weweretighteningthecircle,gettingreadytoambushher–"

Iceshotdownmyspine."Butthenshetookofflikeabatoutofhell.Nearaswecan tell, shecaughtyour little female's scent andbailed.Shehasn't comenearourlandssince."

Edward nodded. "When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore.We'll–""Shekilledonour turf," Jacobhissed. "She'sours!""No–," Ibegan toprotestbothdeclarations.

"BELLA! I SEE HIS CAR AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOUAREN'TINSIDETHISHOUSEINONEMINUTE…!"Charliedidn'tbothertofinishhisthreat.

"Let'sgo,"Edward said. I lookedbackat Jacob, torn.Would I seehimagain?"Sorry," hewhispered so low that I had to read his lips to understand. '"Bye,Bells.""Youpromised,"Iremindedhimdesperately."Stillfriends,right?"Jacobshookhisheadslowly,andthelumpinmythroatnearlystrangledme.

"Youknowhowhard I've tried tokeep that promise, but… I can't seehow tokeep trying. Not now…"He struggled to keep his hardmask in place, but itwavered, and then disappeared. "Miss you," he mouthed. One of his handsreached toward me, his fingers outstretched, like he wished they were longenoughtocrossthedistancebetweenus.

"Me, too," I choked out.My hand reached toward his across thewide space.Likewewereconnected, theechoofhispain twisted insideme.Hispain,mypain.

"Jake…"Itookasteptowardhim.Iwantedtowrapmyarmsaroundhiswaistanderasetheexpressionofmiseryonhisface.Edward pulledme back again, his arms restraining instead of defending. "It'sokay," I promised him, looking up to read his facewith trust inmy eyes.Hewouldunderstand.Hiseyeswereunreadable,hisfaceexpressionless.Cold."No,it'snot.""Lethergo," Jacob snarled, furious again. "She wants to!" He took two long stridesforward.Aglintofanticipationflashedinhiseyes.Hischestseemedtoswellasitshuddered.

Edward pushed me behind himself, wheeling to face Jacob. "No! Edward–!""ISABELLASWAN!" "Comeon!Charlie'smad!"Myvoicewaspanicked,butnotbecauseofCharlienow."Hurry!"

I tugged on him and he relaxed a little. He pulled me back slowly, alwayskeepinghiseyesonJacobasweretreated.Jacobwatcheduswithadarkscowlonhisbitterface.Theanticipationdrainedfrom his eyes, and then, just before the forest came between us, his facesuddenlycrumpledinpain.IknewthatlastglimpseofhisfacewouldhauntmeuntilIsawhimsmileagain.AndrightthereIvowedthatIwouldseehimsmile,andsoon.Iwouldfindawaytokeepmyfriend.Edwardkepthisarmtightaroundmywaist,holdingmeclose.Thatwastheonlythingthatheldthetearsinsidemyeyes.

Ihadsomeseriousproblems.Mybestfriendcountedmewithhisenemies.Victoriawas still on the loose, putting everyone I loved in danger. If I didn'tbecomeavampiresoon,theVolturiwouldkillme.

AndnowitseemedthatifIdid,theQuileutewerewolveswouldtrytodothejobthemselves–alongwithtryingtokillmyfuturefamily.Ididn'tthinktheyhadanychancereally,butwouldmybestfriendgethimselfkilledintheattempt?

Veryseriousproblems.Sowhydidtheyallsuddenlyseeminsignificantwhenwebroke through the last of the trees and I caught sight of the expression onCharlie'spurpleface?

Edwardsqueezedmegently."I'mhere."Idrewinadeepbreath.Thatwastrue.

Edwardwashere,withhisarmsaroundme.Icouldfaceanythingaslongasthatwastrue.

I squaredmyshoulders andwalked forward tomeetmy fate,withmydestinysolidlyatmyside.AcknowledgmentsSo much love and thanks to my husband and sons for their continuingunderstandingandsacrificeinsupportofmywritingAt least I'm not the only one to benefit–I in sure many local restaurants aregratefulthatIdon'tcookanymore

Thank you, Mom, for being my best friend and letting me talk your ear offthrough all the rough spots Thanks, also, for being so insanely creative andintelligent,andbequeathingasmallportionofbothintomygeneticmakeup

Thanks to allmy siblings, Emily,Heidi, Paul, Seth, and Jacob, for lettingmeborrowyournamesIhopeIdidn'tdoanythingwiththemthatmakesyouwishyouhadn'tAspecialthankstomybrotherPaulforthemotorcycleridinglesson–youhaveatruegiftforteaching.

Ican'tthankmybrotherSethenoughforallthehardworkandgeniusheputintothe creation of www.stepheniemeyer.com I'm so grateful for the effort hecontinuestoexpendasmyWebmasterCheck'sinthemail,kidThistime,Imeanit

Thanks again to my brother Jacob for his ongoing expert advice on all myautomotivechoices

A big thank you to my agent, Jodi Reamer, for her continued guidance andassistanceinmycareerAndalsoforenduringmycrazinesswithasmilewhenIknowshedliketousesomeofherninjamovesonmeinstead

Love,kisses,andgratitudetomypublicist, thebeautifulElizabethEulberg,formakingmytouringexperiencelessachoreandmoreapajamaparty,foraidingandabettingmycyber-stalkery,forconvincingthoseexclusivesnobsintheEEC(ElizabethEulbergClub)toletmein,and,ohyeah,alsoforgettingmeontheNewYorkTimesbestseller'slist

AhugevatofthankstoeveryoneatLittle,BrownandCompanyfortheirsupportandtheirbeliefinthepotentialofmystories

And,finally,thankyoutothetalentedmusicianswhoinspireme,particularlythebandMuse–thereareemotions,scenes,andplot threadsinthisnovelthatwere

bornfromMusesongsandwouldnotexistwithouttheirgenius

Also Linkin Park, Travis, Elbow, Coldplay, Marjoric Fair, My ChemicalRomance,BrandNew,TheStrokes,ArmorforSleep,TheArcadeFire,andTheFrayhaveallbeeninstrumentalinstavingoffthewriter'sblock

formoree-books,visitwww.intexblogger.com