journal of wollongong university

WUSAwill be reviewed by the Uni Admin in August 2007 to determine whether your student association is the peak student representative body and the best representative model.

DON’T LET THE UNIVERSITY ADMINISTRATION MAKE THAT DECISION FOR YOU.

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M ED IA COORDINATORAdam Knobel

EDITORIAL CREWPaola Harvey

Ash Pemberton Matt Barden Jay Fletcher

EDITORIAL ASSISTKatie Sparkes Tegan JonesFrew Christian DarbyJaqueline Wales Keely Bell

CONTRIBUTORSBen MoffLtt Keely Bell Ned Slade FrewJay Fletcher Katie Sparkes Tegan Jones Jaqueline Wales Adam Knobel TomAsh Pemberton Liz Larbalestier Christian Darby Pommie Bastard Benjamin F Hurley Daniel East Taylor Smith Chris Beaumont Maddy Phelan Paola Harvey Patrick Lenton

PUBLISHERAdam Knobel WUSA Northfields Ave Gwynneville

Graeme ThorburnStephanie RuizNicholas Wilson-AlexanderKahlia BeichertJoel MartelliKate MartiniBrendan CrabbLinus LaneManmountain DenseSnarky ScholarTrash AddictHolly OrkinChris JaegerWaldorf H Prescott MD

FRONT COVERLeigh Blackmore

COMIC R ELIEF/ ZOMBIE ADVOCACY OFFICERSTom &? James

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18 - 22 Murray St Marrickville NSW

Top 10 Surveillance Songs Those with the Darkest Fears Internet Surveillance and Sex Crimes Big Bother:How Reality TV Indoctrinates Surveillance Katie’s Perspective: The myspace “web of death” Do You Really Want to Hurt Ma$e?So What’s For Lunch at the Unibar?UoW Succumbs to Corporate World Campaign for Real Ale President’s Report Stand Up Fight Back,Your Student Union is Under Attack University Admin on Review How to be Pretentious The Virginia Tech Shootings Workchoices: Howard’s Gift to us all Train Ettiquette

Prarie Fire: Coyote eats his Daughter After Party Poetry page Letter from Kmart

EditorialLetters to the EditorYour Stars with Mystic GertrudeMystic Gertrude Answers Your Questions50 Movies / ReviewsPuzzlesEugene

WUSA and the Tertangala recognise and acknowledge* the traditional owners and custodians of this land. !

WUSA Collectives WUSA Pages

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DISCLOSUREThe content of this publication is made by &? for the students of the Universiity of Wollongong. Views expressed are those of individual authors &? do not neccessarily reflect those of WUSA or the publisher

DISCLAIMERResponsibility for WUSA’s electronic and non-electronic publications is taken by WUSA Council. The university of Wollongong accepts no responsibility for WUSA publications.

editorialSince the last edition came out, things have become

more grim. W hat began as a whimsical thought of: ‘oh ' wow, w hat if WUSA was shu t down - th e re ’d be no T ert!’ now looks more like an actual reality. We can’t ignore the fact th a t the sta tus of the Tertangala is term inal.

This is tragic for m any reasons.Wre’ve been accused of depravity by WIN TV and have been

called leftist drivel. We’ve been accused of being too trashy, too academic, too political, not political enough. We’ve even been quoted in federal parliam ent.

But w hatever your view, the role of the Tert is inescapable. For those students who have little to no ability to vocalise the ir m any feelings of disgust, outrage, injustice and inhum anity, th is is the forum w here those voices have boomed louder th an the powers-that-be. And for those who are shu t out of conventional m ass media, th is is w here they can sharpen th e ir skills to step a

1 notch above the discursive chatter.We have played an in tegral p a rt in the developm ent of th is

campus, and I would like to rem ind everyone of our rich and vibrant history. At forty-five years old, the Tertangala is th irteen years older th an the University of Wollongong itself. We s tarted back when this was m erely a cam pus of UNSW; the magazine formed so th a t students could express them selves, sharing th e ir thoughts and voice w ith studen ts back a t the m ain UNSW.

Hence our name, Tertangala: an indigenous w ord m eaning ‘smoke signals’. This is our vehicle to communicate am ongst ourselves and w ith o ther studen ts throughout the country.

Throughout the years we have been in tricately tied to m any campaigns both on campus - the Queer Space, VSU - and off campus - the ‘w ar on te r ro r’, refugees and climate change. Previous Tert editors have m ade significant im pacts on the ir communities, w ith m any transitioning into active political and

• creative life (see p6 for a saddening, ye t inspiring tribute to one of our past editors, A riane Lewis).

Despite th is history, there is a chance th a t we have never* faced a challenge th a t is th is m onum ental (news stories on p7- . 8). When WUSA and UoW are reassessing th e ir situation la te r• in the year I would implore all involved not to forget about i the Tertangala - one of the only rea l avenues left for student

voices.

1Jj Love to: Ariane Lewis (you will H be missed); the journalists from# ABC Illawarra and Triple J who* * have given the ir support; Zombie 1* Revolution (w orth fighting and • . voting for); Lady Sovereign for

I getting us through this; Susan

Angel, David Blackall, Houston Dunleavy and Dale Dumpleton for their support; Gary Numan; kick arse unionists and worker solidarity; journalism students who actually have passion and a pulse; everyone who read the last edition and sent in their

praise and love.

However, its not only up to them - and we are taking some active steps to fight back (read on p33-34). We have the power to save this magazine and its tim e for us to take back control of our Tertangala.

To do this, join us in celebrating the highs and lows in our ’ upcoming Birthday edition. We’re calling out to all Tertangala , w riters (past and present), students, journalists, academics,

j w riters, artists, activists and especially you - our readers - to submit as much content as you can by Friday, June 29th.

Help us save the Tertangala or, if we are forced to stop the printing press, go out w ith a bang! Show the University adm inistration th a t th is is your magazine, and th a t it is as alive and vibrant today as ever before.

Adam Knobel &? Jay Fletcher

NO love to: Chris Grange and Gerard Sutton - get union and student friendly fellas or get out!; Nicole “Ana” Kidman and her PR people for saying Nicole is “th in and perfect” and implying th a t Marylin Monroe was anything other th an beautiful; factionalism; cracked elbows; Rudd’s new sm arm y smile: you’re up in the polls dude - not fucking invincible; suffering violently for your passion -

surely it should get easier!!

I

1

Dear Editor,After over 5 years of imprisonment and torture the “ confession” of David Hicks has led many to say that those demanding his right to a fair trial were wrong and were, in fact, defending a terrorist. It’s quite clear, however, that justice hasn’t been served. The fact remains that none of the activities for which Hicks was accused of, or for which he has been charged, at the time they are alleged to have occurred, were illegal under either Australian or US law for non-US citizens.

According to British lawyer Stephen Grosz’ submission to a British court, in the 5 year lead up to his trial,Hicks was subjected to beatings, solitary confinement, sensory deprivation, sexual abuse, sleep deprivation, injection with unidentified psychotropic drugs, being hooded and manacled, and being taunted and threatened while witnessing worse torture being inflicted on other prisoners. So at trial Hicks had a choice: to either plead guilty, meaning that he could return to Australia, or plead innocent and remain imprisoned in the nightmare that is Guantanamo.

The Howard government has consistently used Islamophobia to justify his support for the civil and human rights abuses suffered by Hicks and the hundreds of other inmates in Guantanamo. Justice clearly continues to be denied in order to protect Howard’s racist, warmongering, oil-hungry agenda.

Jess Moore

Dear Editor,In a recent issue o f Tertangala, I noticed a response you provided to a letter regarding construction at the University, in particular that the Library renovation won’t be completed until late 2008. While this is a major project, the construction will be completed in time for the commencement o f Autumn Session, February 2008.

The building works are in direct response to repeated feedback from students o f the University who tell us we don’t have enough study spaces and computers.

To respond to this feedback, the Library has been able to secure capital funding from the University to extend the size of the Library to provide more study spaces and computers and greater flexibility in the use of learning and research spaces. While works are underway, there will be some limitations on available spaces. So what can be done in the mean time? Students may want to take advantage o f the new link to ITS computer labs on level 1 of the Library. They are able to take Library

<©

LETTERS TOTHE ED.

materials into ITS to use the study spaces there. Postgraduate students have access to the refurbished Postgraduate Study Space on the ground floor of the Library and group study rooms for all students can be booked for up to two hours.

We have made changes to the Short Loans conditions of use and these items can now be taken outside of the Library if students are unable to find a quiet study spot in the building. If students require access to a computer, we encourage them to ask at the Information Desk about loaning a laptop. These can be borrowed for up to 3 hours at a time.

For a project this size, there will unfortunately be inconvenient periods of noise and re-organisation of Library spaces. As additional study spaces are made available, we will advertise these. In the longer term, all students and staff will benefit from significant increases in the number and type of study spaces, computers and support for the use of personal computers and devices.

RegardsFelicity

Dear Felicity,Thank you for your letter - it is wonderful to hear that staff also read the Tert and (hopefully) get some enjoyment out of it.

The information I gave in the last edition - about the library being completed in late 2008 - was information I received during a meeting with University administration earlier this year. I think it highlights why students are so confused about all the construction: even members of University Council can’t get their answers straight!

While the library being upgraded might provide benefits for students in the future - and don’t get me wrong, this is a good thing - what it does right now is disrupt students in a way that disadvantages our study. Here in the WUSA office for example, we took a week off during one of the heavier construction periods as we could not escape the sound of jackhammers. Even with all the doors and windows shut, the noise was so loud that we could not concentrate.

It is also not simply that the library is being improved - it is about poor time management on the University’s part. At the same time as we have library construction, the commerce faculty seeks to close the commerce resource centre and study space. Unicentre decide to

remove tables and chairs from the glasshouse - what was previously a nice and peaceful study space - to add gaming machines with flashing lights and idiotic music. And during all this, the duckpond lawn remains out of action - its completion date extending week after week after week.

All of this combined means that campus life has deteriorated quite rapidly this semester. Students are turning up to uni simply for their classes, and then driving home. The sense of University community has vanished, if only temporarily. Unicentre revenue for March was down 30% on last year. It has been quite hard for WUSA to run events and increase membership without the duckpond lawn, and also given that so few students chose to hang around outside of class time.

Is the library completion still on schedule? It will be great if it can be completed by February 2008, but history tells us it will probably be delayed - at least a little.

I’m sure the library will be great when its completed. But I feel the point of my response still stands - don’t expect to find a place to study anytime soon. While the library might have some rooms available despite construction, who can really think with all that jackhammering?!

-Adam

Editor,The brain can weigh between 125 grains (old people) and 175 grams (young people). The soul has been shown to be 21 twenty-one grams by science experiments conducted on dying people and dying dogs.

Only forty five percent of people have the “ God gene “ in genetics and can therefore experience spiritual and god experiences.

Only forty five percent of people can worship the three “R” s namely the royals, the rich and the republicans.

Only France Socialists and France can present the modern world with a true ruler from the Royal family.

The days of Yeltsin and his clone, John Howard, are over.

The days o f irrational erratic endless worthless economic reforms and the complete disregard of the environment are over.

The days of the devoted worship of business, irrationality, the economy, multinationals, the Yanks and the rich are over.

Seriously, Jane Wallace

LETTERS TOTHE ED.

Editor,What were you watching on television at 7.30 p.m. 19.30 on Sunday April 15 2007 ??

The Greens were watching “ Future Focus “ on SBS TV.The Greens want us to live in the 23rd Century.

The Liberals and the Nationals were watching “ Robin Hood “ on ABC TV.The Liberals and the Nationals want us to live in the 12th Century

The Labor people were watching the unbeatable Kevin Rudd on Sixty Minutes on Channel Nine.The Labor people live in the 21st Century. Kevin Rudd is still the one!!

The monarchists watched “Ugly Betty” on Channel Seven.

The Australian Democrats watched “ The Biggest Loser “ on Channel Ten.

Seriously, Jane Wallace

PS: Cloning is wonderful. I wish I could clone Jane Wallace a number of times.

to get in the way of its maniacal plans to totally dominate the entire uni...

I ask, what has happened to the beatiful, giant shady fig tree that used to be there?!? Last year over five hundred students went out of their way to call for the tree to be protected, but what did the uni do? Never actually provided a legitimate reason (ie. disease) for it to be cut down, and just shelved the plan to remove it until summer holidays so they could get away with it without anybody noticing.

Hundred of students protestested against this, but did the uni even listen to us? Do they even care what their own students want? No wonder they want to wipe out our independent representation and our voice in the Tert....

Christian Darby

Dear Editor,I took this on my mobile phone (hence the average quality)

Its time to catch up and dance with the stars!

Get lost all you two and a half men!!Seriously,

Jane Wallace

Dear Jane,Although we have much love and respect for your letters, we’re not quite sure if the world is ready for more than one Jane Wallace. However, keep us informed on the Clone Jane Campaign.

-Adam

Brothers and Sisters,Childless women, unmarried mothers, and desperate housewives unite!!

Its time to overthrow the Howard Government and rule Australia forever.

Its the sunrise to a new today and today tonight!!

Dear Editor,Last issue Andy was wondering what happened to the giant duck that used to waddle across the lawn, terrorising innocent bystanders, oppressing its fellow ducks, biting everything in sight and generally creating a reign of terror that will never be forgotten by those unfortunate enough

The duck in the snap looking onto the notice board gives a shade of what has happened to their previous habitat. I’ve seen these birds walking near to the library and notice board lost, hungry and worn out.

I titled that snap: “Again ‘No Vacancies’ , What The Qu**k?!!”

Nithin Kuriakose

Dear Editor,I agree with the fact that University educationshould be free, but WHO the fuck’sgonna pay all the lecturers, tutor, etc. You areforgetting... That’s their dailyjob, and NO taxes aint enough to pay for them.

We have a grade A system down under, so DON’T abuse it. This also applies to transport [though with a dissapointing grade]. Though I strongly AGREE all students should have concession.

Stefan S.

PS: DOWN WITH CONFORMISM, DICTATORISM... and the isms go on..

Thanks for the letter Stefan - it seems Jane has tackled the same topic again this month (free University education) but in more detail. Check it out!

-Adam

Dear editor,University life and university education are extremely dangerous.

One must take one’s life in one’s life in one’s hands just to attend university. University attendance has become an extreme sport. University students have become a dying breed.

Chaos rules university life and university education. How do we get university under control and not in chaos?

1) University funding needs a ten-fold increase from governments everywhere.

2) Welfare payments to students need to be doubled and the welfare eligibility criteria need to be greatly relaxed..

3) Like in the Golden Age O f University Education (1974 to 1986), University education needs to be free of all fees, charges and government imposed Higher Education Debts or HECS debts.

4) Better food, better texts, better teachers and better assessments are needed on university campuses.

Seriously, Jane Wallace

2001 Tertangala Editor:AN IMPACT BEYOND HER YEARS

It is with great sadness that we m ark the loss o f Ariane Lew is, com m itted activist and 2001 Tertangala editor. The follow ing is a tribute to

Ariane, written by her friend Peter H and.

"On Monday 7 May at Sandon Point, overlooking the beach and the scene of one of the longest protest movements in local history, a group of well over a hundred friends gathered to farewell Ariane Lewis.

Ariane was Tert editor in 2001 and finally lost her 16 month battle with cancer on Friday 27 April. She was just 27.

As reflected in that year's Tertangala, Ariane was a passionate campaigner for the environment, social justice and indigenous issues.

If you are one of the many people touched by Ariane Lewis, she would want us to be brave - and how brave she was in her final months. From my conversations, it seemed she had come to terms with her fate as part of the cycles of nature and put it in a spiritual context: in some ways she perhaps came to grips with it better than we ever will.

Ariane was of nature and believed in its rhythms. In fact the way I will remember her will be to look around here and see the escarpment, her beloved Mount Keira which was a very special place for her and of course the beaches - and especially this place, Sandon Point.

Ariane was an achiever from a very early age. While still at school she was awarded an Order of Australia commendation for her work in youth issues and later nominated as Young Australian of the Year. She was the region's Young Citizen of the Year in 2000.

Ariane also was elected Chairperson of the Wollongong Youth Advisory Council and was the youngest ever board member of community radio VOX-FM where she founded the Crossfire youth program which is still running.

Ironically Ariane was a nothing-artificial person. Never smoked, never drank - not even coffee. She was vegan and never even used make-up.

She lived her life by nature and humanity and inspired all who knew her. It's people like Ariane who keep compassion, values and ideals alive. That is the legacy of our friend."GD

If you’d like to submit a letter to the editor to make us happy, about anything at all,

send it to m edia@w usa.uow .edu.au

STUDENT UNION THREATENED AS VSU EFFECTSHIT HARD By Adam Knobel

Student unions at the University of Wollongong are deeply concerned by an by a lack of time to prepare for an upcoming review that will assess their future as peak student bodies.

Undergraduate Students’ Association president Liz Larbalestier said that the associations are being given a raw- deal by being asked to prepare a report regarding their legitimacy by the end of May.

“ It just really puts us on the back foot and means we can’t be out there talking to students. Instead, we’re now having to put our heads down to make sure we have something good on paper for the University Council," she said.

The review, which affects both the undergraduate and postgraduate student associations, was outlined in a letter sent to both groups recently. The associations’ main complaint is that they have not been included in the development of the proposed review.

“The review is unfair because their terms of reference - which they never engaged us in determining - includes notions such as assessing our profitability when they know we are a registered not-for-profit organisation,” Ms Larbalestier said.

Unversity Council Secretary, Chris Grange, was unavailable for comment at the time of publication. However, he told the lllawarra Mercury that the discussion had already been delayed to give the groups enough time to “put the best foot forward”.

However, Ms Larbalestier refutes Mr Grange’s comment that the University has given the associations with enough time to prepare for review.

“Delayed how? They’ve hit us with this in the first two months of VSU impact and want a report by May,” she said.

While VSU legislation came into affect in July last year, due to the fact that the

University of Wollongong collects its annual fees in January, this semester is actually the first time both student associations have had to operate in a truly voluntary environment.

“We maintain that our operations under VSU should be assessed after we’ve had time to internally restructure and adapt to the changes. We’re in the process of massive constitutional and operational changes to improve our day-to-day operations - but how can we do this as well as preparing for external review?” Ms Larbalestier said.

Postgraduate Association president Ken Finlayson agreed that it would be nice if more time had been given to the associations, but said it all comes down to the ultimate purpose of the review.

“If the purpose of the review is to reassess how the student associations are doing post-VSU, and then adequately support and reinforce the existing structure, then the review is

completely fine,” he said.

“But if the purpose is to decide whether we continue to exist or not, that’s unacceptable.”

The South Coast Labour Council agrees, and has signed on in support of the student unions. Speaking at a joint-union press conference at the University last Thursday, Secretary Arthur Rorris felt that the treatment of the two student bodies was alarming.

“We would urge the university administration to think carefully about these sorts of moves because once you start hand-picking the student representatives, or methods to hand-pick student representatives, you’re striking at the heart of a tradition that has been around as long as the universities themselves,” he said.

TERT NEWSFUTURE OF TERTANGALA LOOKS BLEAK

The future of the University of Wollongong’s student magazine, the Tertangala, looks bleak.

The 45 year-old magazine, which predates the existence of its funding body, Wollongong Undergraduate Students’ Association by 15 years, is currently being run on money stockpiled by WUSA from past student fees.

UOW has contributed only S27 000 to the association for 2007, which does not include funding for the Tertangala.

The students responsible for the production of the magazine claim that this simply isn’t good enough.

According to Adam Knobel, a journalism student and editor of the Tertangala, “the School of Journalism has more students and resources now then ever, but without free student press, where are they meant to get published? It would be a great piece of infrastructure in terms of consolidating the journalism program."

But because of the federal government’s Voluntary Student Unionism (VSU) legislation, which

By Nicholas Wilson-Alexander

prohibits the compulsory collection of fees for spending on student services, there seems to be little choice for the Tertangala but to dip into the WUSA savings.

on between WUSA and the VPA (Vice- Principal of Administration, Chris Grange) or the director of financial services. I don’t have that level of involvement,” she said.

“Council haven’t ruled on the particular funding proposal for the Tert,” says Dr. Nancy Huggett, the Senior Manager of Corporate Governance and assistant to the secretary of the UOW council.

“The idea is that there will be a review of how the student associations are travelling close to the end of this session and we’re supposed to report to council and let them know how it’s going.”

But when pressed about whetheror not there was any likelihood of a financial provision for the Tertangala in light of the thriving School of Journalism, Dr. Huggett declined to comment.

The involvement of the VPA will be pivotal if the Tertangala is to be saved.

“Chris Grange has indicated that [Vice-Chancellor] Gerard Sutton would not be interested in funding the Tert,” a source said.

“He has essentially passed the buck.”

“ I’m not aware of...any individual discussions that may be going

STUDENT UNIONS FEELING THE SQUEEZEBy Kahlia Beichert

Slashed services, higher food prices and lack of facilities are being sited as the norm for Australian tertiary students, as pressure is being felt from voluntary student unionism (VSU).

Wollongong is the latest university to have had their services and facilities cut following the VSU legislation that was implemented by the Federal Government in July year. The Wollongong Undergraduate Students’ Association (WUSA) has felt major effects following a significant decline in student members.

James Cook University in Townsville was one of the first universities to be affected by VSU with changes to the union seen as early as August last year.

Students from James Cook University claim the University administration downsized O Week activities, and closed cafes and eateries until leases were negotiated. TheJCU unishop is currently being combined with the administration department.

WUSA feeling the post-VSU squeeze - President Liz Larbalestier surveys the empty cash resister

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TERT NEWSStudent, Kesley Frew is completing her

Bachelors degree at JC U and believes that students are suffering without the support and services previously provided by the union.

“Students have to really search for answers when they need them. In my view they shouldn’t have to. The student union should be talking to individuals, face to face, letting them know exactly what is being offered,” she said.

WUSA is concerned that the results seen in Townsville could happen at UOW.

The association’s budget has decreased byover $400,000 in the last year, and over half the staff have been replaced by casual or part-time workers.

President of the StudentAssociation, Elizabeth Larbalestier, believes that without the association vital student services could disappear.

“You could say goodbyeto guaranteed student space on campus, independent and autonomous advocacy, the student paper and lobbying for faculties that maintains quality education in the student interests,” she said.

University representative, Chris Grange, could not be contacted for comment.

Students and staff can support the student association in a variety of

ways. Feel free to drop by the office to check out our services, hang out

with friends, or get invovled!

NEW STADIUM FOR THE UNIThe University of Wollongong

has received 54.6 million in Federal Government VSU transitional funding for a 3,000 seat sports facility.

Construction of the sports facility will begin around June and July with completion in February.

University of Wollongong Vice- Chancellor Professor Gerard Sutton believes the sporting facility has benefits for the University and also the community of Wollongong.

“This community focus has undoubtedly helped the University in securing the funding it requires to start this development,” Vice-Chancellor Sutton said.

URAC Executive Director Paul Manning thinks the new sports facility was something the University of Wollongong urgently needed.

“ It’s something we were desperately after before VSU turned up again. The campus is growing to the stage where it [the sports facility] was needed probably 2 or 3 years ago when we first started the planning. It’s well beyond the needs and it is fitting the needs of the campus,” Mr. Manning said.

“Once the Physical Education gym was demolished in October 2004, we went from having basically 3 basketball courts on campus and the need for more to 2. At the moment, the lecturer’s needs of

By Joel Martelli

the Physical Education department are in our current sports hall and normal students don’t have as much access as they used to.”

The sports facility has plans to host international sporting events. This will create jobs for the region of Wollongong and boost the tourism industry.

“Sports tourism will be a big part of it. If we end up running major events there will be a lot of casual employment for students to work at the facility,” Mr. Manning said.

In contrast, WUSA President Liz Larbalestier believes the Federal Government funding could have been better spent on other areas of the university.

“The uni doesn’t engage with

students to see what they want. They are making more business profitable decisions which is understandable but a bit of leeway and communication with students would be nice,” Ms. Larbalestier said.

WUSA Media Coordinator Adam Knobel agrees with Ms. Larbalestier’s comments.

“The funding would be better used in other areas. It is only money worth spending if the university knows students want a new sport facility,” Mr. Knobel said.

Both URAC Executive Director Paul Manning and WUSA President Liz Larbalestier agree that the sports facility will be great for the university and the region.

G0Pictured: Artist impression of the new sports stadium

TERT NEWSPARKING ALTERNATIVES DESPERATELY NEEDED

The stress of transportation is all too common for students at University of Wollongong, with limited parking spaces, late trains and traffic jams all making the journey a hassle for out-of- town students.

Samantha Southwell, a second year medicinal chemistry student, finds it hard to find parking on campus in the early morning.

“I tend to park in the side streets around campus, but in this first week of uni, it’s full by 8:30, so I have to pay $5 to park in the uni," she said.

Christopher Warburton, a former computer science student, thinks parking was the worst part of university life.

“Everyone bitches about parking. It is so hard to find a spot anytime after nine in the morning, and when you do, it’s after half an hour of looking and you end up late to your class anyway.”

Despite the lack of parking spaces, students prefer driving to public transport.

Paula Villaboim, a fourth year commerce and psychology student, alternates between driving and catching the train from south Sydney. “Driving is so much more convenient for me. It’s comfortable, faster, and I

By Kate Martinican carpool with friends to reduce the cost.”

“It takes me 40 minutes to drive to uni compared to an hour by train. And that hour doesn’t include the twenty minute walk from the station to uni, or the ten minute drive from my house to Sutherland station," Paula said.

The UOW Transport Access Guide statistics show that students can spend up to $12000 a year on petrol and parking if they choose to drive.

week for me. If I drive, I save a lot of money when carpooling and everyone pitches in, so on a good day, I can be paying $5 for a return trip,” Paula said.

However, this does not convince students, especially when parking on campus is so cheap.

“I work in the city and pay $39 a day for parking,” Christopher says, “so paying $6 for a whole day on campus is incredibly cheap compared to that in Sydney.”

Students can also save up to $7000 a year by using public transport from Sutherland station.

“I pay almost $7 for a return train ticket, which is about $30 a

Students agree that alternatives need to be considered when it

comes to limited parking on campus.

Look for opportunities to car pool!

MASSACRE NARROWLY AVERTED AT UOWAn emergency meeting of University

Administration has narrowly averted a Virginia Tech-style massacre from occurring in Wollongong. The marathon meeting concluded that the most effective way to stop any murderous thoughts within the student body was to remove all violence-oriented video games from the Unicentre VIP Lounge.

This comes after students reported feeling “strangely hypnotised” after being in the presence of the video games, with some developing the urge to “kill them all” .

With the link between video games and violence proven beyond any doubt, the University had no choice but to turn the machines to face the wall.

By Manmountain Dense

“Students are now completely safe,” said a high-ranking member of UoW administration.

“Absolutely nothing can possibly go wrong. We are now so confident that nothing will happen that we are thinking about permanently standing down all security guards. It is now safe to become complacent.”

The decision to remove the violence- based gaming machines comes after students have spent months baffled as to why the beastly contraptions were installed in the first place.

“I don’t understand it. They bling, they flash, they couldn’t be more cheesy. The glasshouse used to be a nice quiet place to sit and study. What with the

library construction going on... well it would have been nice of Unicentre to think logically. The blasted contraptions should be moved elsewhere!” said a student who was angrily searching for the hot-water urn that the space used to provide.

However, more serious concerns had been raised about the violent games.

“I have two young children, 3 and 4. They ran off into glasshouse the other week because of the music,” said Carla Morgan, mother and student.

“When I went in to get them after a couple of minutes, I was horrified to see them watching a man get his head blown off!”

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TERT NEWSFIGHT FOR HICKS JUSTICE CONTINUES

By Adam Knobel

According to Wollongong local Jason Hart, “equality and justice is universal”- a view that was shared when over 60 students and residents gathered in the city centre to demand “real justice” for David Hicks.

The rally, which was organised before Hicks plead guilty in March, looked at the wider social issues associated with his conviction.

US academic Susan Wright and Lebanese Peace activist Saeb AM addressed the crowd, discussing the need to preserve our civil liberties.

Mr Hart, who organised the ‘Bring David Hicks Home' float in the 2007 Sydney Cay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, felt that the connection made between David Hicks and civil liberties was important.

“The fight for equality and the protection of human rights is universal.In the case of Hicks, we will never truly know what his culpability was in relation to lawful charges brought before a duly constituted court... the Military Commissions and the retrospective charge he faced satisfied neither of these criteria,” he said.

Ultimately, organisers hoped that the event would help to keep David Hicks in the mind of the public by making

Ms Moore was investigated in late 2006 after being falsely accusedof organising a protest in support of alleged terrorist group, Hamas. She believes that there is a connection between the Hicks case and what happened to her, and that both should serve as a warning to the public.

Pictured: ‘Bring David Hicks Home’ Float, and a young David

“What has happened to David, as a part of the ‘War on Terror’, is based on the same justifications being used by the Howard government to enforce increasingly restrictive and invasive [anti-terror] laws being imposed on individuals,” she said.

The Wollongong event was part of a larger National Day of Action in support of David Hicks. In Sydney, Greens Senator, Kerry Nettle, addressed around 200 people, while a crowd of 250 gathered in Melbourne to hear a speech by David’s father, Terry Hicks.

people aware of how his story could impact on their lives.

“We came out here today because of the impact Hicks’ guilty verdict will have on society,” said Jess Moore, who chaired the event on behalf of the group Students Against War.

“Previous protests have been focused on bringing David Hicks home. While those demands have been won, we feel it is important for everyone to remember that he was found guilty by the military commission despite the fact that the crimes for which he was convicted did not exist at the time he was said to have committed them,” Ms Moore said.

Very important students turn violent at the encouragement of Unicentre gaming machines...

well maybe not. But surely all that annoying game music would be enough to send students a little hostile?

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TERT NEWSCOMMUNITY CALLS FOR REFERENDUM:

RETAIN OUR MALL”By Adam Knobel

just the working life of our residents, but also as a social, leisure and lifestyle option on a 24 hour a day basis,” the Lord Mayor said.

“Opening the Mall to traffic after hours may be the best compromise in moving toward those goals. We believe slow moving traffic after hours will encourage existing businesses to trade for longer hours, and new businesses into the city centre."

However, Councillor Alice Carton disagrees, believing that council should

Residents and small business owners are calling for a referendum on the future of Crown St Mall after Wollongong City Council voted to reopen the pedestrian shopping strip to vehicles earlier this month.

Community action group Retain Our Mall (ROM) have accused Wollongong Councillors of ignoring resident demands by voting to allow one-way traffic at night.

“Council boasts all the time about how they listen to you, but who do they really listen too? It's about the big end of town - those who make the big money," said Mr Keith Tognetti, spokesperson for the group.

Wollongong City Council claims that the move to reopen the mall is the start of a major refurbishment to help revitalise the city centre. The Lord Mayor,Councillor Alex Darling, said the council’s decision was the best compromise to achieving a vibrant city centre.

“To encourage further growth, our city needs a central point which plays an active role in not Artist impression of the proposed Crown St Mall changes

be improving the existing mall for residents, not big business.

“The Business of council is about making sure the infrastructure works for the people who use it," she said.

A survey prepared by the lllawarra Regional Information Service in March 2006 revealed that around 82 per cent of respondents believed that Crown St Mall should remain closed to traffic. Around 41 per cent of residents believed that they would visit the shopping district ‘less often’ if traffic was reintroduced.

The report also found that the most commonly favoured aspect of Crown St Mall was the absence of traffic.

ROM claims that this shows overwhelming community support for keeping the shopping district as a pedestrian mall.

Crown St Mall was closed to traffic twenty years ago at a cost of $7.5 million. Reopening the mall to traffic today could cost the council up to $20 million.

QtemmdertoseCf: don’t forget to

submit content for the ne%t Tertangala.,

@ ® ®DQi

We want your new pieces, feature articles, fiction, rants, letters to the editor, photos, poems, cartoons... whatever you’d like to send really.

m ed i a@ wusaTuowTed uTau

MADNESS IN THEIR METHODCommunity group, Retain Our Mall

(ROM) has offered a platform for Wollongong citizens to condemn the proposed action of Wollongong City Council to reopen the mall to traffic. ROM hosted a public meeting on Saturday April 28 on the stage of the Crown St amphitheatre, just one of the structures under threat, which was attended by up to 100 people.

The purpose of the meeting was to highlight the way the community was ignored in the decision making process.

“We’re being treated with contempt and we’re being ignored,” said Trevor Mott, chair of the meeting and an active member of ROM.

The public meeting called for further consultation with the community and for broader solutions to be explored. This is in response to Labor’s tactic of “ramming through” the proposal.

Wollongong City Council, with a majority vote led by Labor Councillors,

By Jay Fletcher

decided to spend $20 million to open Crown St Mall to one lane of traffic. In comparison, eighty percent of people, when first polled, opposed the idea. On second polling almost ninety percent were saying no, according to Mott.

Jim McDonough addressed the listeners and explained that it cost $8 million to close the mall in the first place and, “Very little has been done to it since.”

“Despite thousands of dollars spent on surveys,” he said. “Despite this, they’re still ignoring us."

Two councillors, Alice Cartan and Andrew Anthony, were the only members of Council to accept the invitation to the meeting, despite every member receiving an one, said McDonough.

“Council boasts all the time about how they listen to you,” said University Mathematics academic Keith Tognetti. “But who are they really listening to? The big end of town that make money, that’s who.”

Referring to local developers, John Comelli and CPT (General Property Trust), owners of the Mall complex since 1998, Tognetti shamed Councillors for giving them “undue influence” on Council decisions.

“The Labor Party have been roundly condemned today," said Mott after the meeting. “People are dirty on being ignored and disgusted with the disregard. We’re aiming to provide a voice for the people of Wollongong, people who have lost faith in the Council because they won’t listen anyway.”

“ It’s about human dignity and respect," concluded McDonough. “We need more community consultation. Not just ticking A, B or C.”

Councillors Cartan and Anthony accepted a petition with excess of 1000 signatures opposing the mall’s changes.

“It’s a positive step,” said Cartan. “This is exactly what we need.”

N 6 -D O Z

Jtk ‘The Warning’ - Hot Chip

■ ■ Hot Chip’s geek-boy electro-pop-bliss in ironic sunglasses ^ 0 seems innocent enough at first. However, beneath the

cute dork veneer we get threatening lyrics like “Hot Chip will break your legs, snap off your neck... Hot Chip will put you down, under the ground”. Revenge of the nerds, anyone? Be afraid - they’re probably hacking into your MySpace right now.

A jittery, startlingly accurate account of the paranoid post 9/11 milieu,

where “the newscaster says the enemy’s among us”, and where people need to “kill your middle class indecision” as “now is not the time for liberal thought”. Who would have thought we would be living in a time when you treat even your neighbours with suspicion?

8‘Stars of CCTV’ - Hard-Fi

Like Bloc Party, Hard-Fi explore the surveillance of a London full of fear of

terrorism: “And every move that I make/Gets recorded to tape/So somebody up there /Can keep me safe”, invoking those all-seeing cameras as God.

“A Wolf At The Door” - Radiohead

Whilst Thom Yorke has never been the most settled individual, this is him at one c

his more paranoid moments. Freaking out about “a wolf at the door” who calls him to tell him he is going to “mess him up” and “steal all his children” amongst creepsville apocalyptic descriptions of “giant cranes” and “x-ray eyes”, Yorke certainly feels a little under-the-gun in this track.

6‘Feel It In The Air’ - Beanie Sigal

With Sigel as the rough crim of the otherwise cuddly Roc-A-Fella crew, this track is pure paranoia. Its 80’s synths cuddle up against

a fatalistic worry of being knocked off at any time, two bullet vests on, with “the grim reaper floatin’’ right above him. The fact that Sigal knocked this track over before being incarcerated for attempted murder adds more weight to the sludgy dread that permeates every syllable of his delivery.

‘Hunting For Witches’ - Bloc Party

5‘Fuck Tha Police’ - NWA

The track that scared every parent in 1988 still resonates today, with racial profiling still happening. Ice Cube argues that

a “Young n***a got it bad cuz I’m brown/And not the other color so police think/They have the authority to kill a minority”.

“The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get” - Morrissey

King of obsessive indie fops, Morrissey, delivers a rather resentful and sinister vocal over a piece of poppy bliss, warning his audience that he “will creep into your thoughts like a bad debt”, and that “it’s war”. If Morrissey came after me, I would be flattered, but freaked out nonetheless.

“156” -M e w

&Y m MOFFIT

‘Every Breath You Take’ - The Police

Why the hell people think this song is romantic is beyond me - people even play

it at weddings! Sting, the tantric-sex-expert himself has said it is about stalking. Anyone who claims that “every single day, every breath you take, I’ll be watching you” screams restraining order to me.

1 ‘Santa Claus Is Coming to Town’

This is cause for alarm. Santa apparently “knows when you’ve been sleeping” and “knows when you’re awake”. He’s even “making a list

and checking it twice”. May I remind you that Santa is old fat man with a full sack. If any old man watched me when I was sleeping, I would be very concerned. Lock your doors, children, and block your chimneys. Now.

These Danish boys’ skewed Euro- indie-rock reveals a true stalker’s heart.

Between moody synths and creepy guitars, singer Jonas Bjerre sings of watching you from his boat, “and when the lights are on,I can watch you move”. If that isn’t enough, he warns that “there are things I’ll do that could really hurt you”. YouTube the music video (possibly my favourite of all time) to further prove how scary those freaky Danes can be. If I were Princess Mary, I’d be afraid.

THOSB/yrTHTHE

September 11, 2001 is etched into the minds o f all around the world who witnessed the most influential event o f the 21st century. However the events following the tragedy of 9/11 are

deciding the future of our increasingly unstable world. Global levels o f fear have risen dramatically thanks in most part to the rhetoric o f powerful

political leaders from both the Western and Islamic worlds. Keely Bell reports...

“Those with the darkest fears became the most powerful” begins the Adam Curtis documentary series ‘The Power of Nightmares’, which explores the creation of a climate of fear post-September 11, 2001. For Curtis, this portrayal of the global culture of fear now resonates in many countries and has parallels in the current Australian political sphere with the introduction of the Anti-terrorism Bill (No 2.) 2005.

Since first appearing in 2002 Australia’s anti-terror laws have been widely unchallenged by the Australian media, despite the catastrophic affect this legislation will have on independent reporting for Australian journalists. Further, the re-emergence of sedition, the law prohibiting provocation or inciting rebellion against government, into the Australian legal system puts journalists under greater pressure to tow the government line.

In ‘The Power of Nightmares’ Curtis argues that terrorist threats brought up again and again by politicians are mere fantasies created and spread by those who wish to control the state. If the latest accusations made in Bob Woodward’s new book State of Denial are anything to go by, then Curtis may have a case. Woodward, one of the investigative journalists whose work contributed to the impeachment of Richard Nixon, says that the director of the CIA, George J. Tenet, warned Condoleezza Rice in July 2001 that Al-Qaeda would hit the USA. The warnings were ignored.

Curtis relies heavily on the dubious ideological foundation of the neo-conservatives to assert that the Bush administration has constructed the current global climate of fear to further its own agendas. Debates continue to rage about the specifics of the neo-conservative agenda and the future of Iraq. Many on the left suggest that the weapons o f mass destruction supposedly hidden in Iraq were nothing more than sound-bytes created to legitimise the invasion of Iraq. The Bush administration maintains, however, that they were wrongly informed and that the invasion was legitimate at the time. As Condolezza Rice stated in August 2003, “We did not know at the time- maybe someone knew down in the bowels of the agency - but no one in our circles knew that there were doubts and suspicions that this might be a forgery”. In July 2003 CIA director George Tenet resigned after admitting that he was responsible for Bush’s false statements about WMDs in Iraq. Tenet was reported as suggesting it was “a slam dunk case” that Hussein had WMDs.

As the war in Iraq drags into its fifth, year it appears that not even the Bush administration knows how to end this chapter of history. On October 25 last year President Bush admitted that he was dissatisfied with the worsening violence in Iraq saying, “I know many Americans are not satisfied with the situation in Iraq. I ’m not satisfied either. And that is why we’re taking new steps to help secure Baghdad and constantly adjusting our tactics across the country to meet the changing threat”. His speech was incongruous to previous

00

speeches about the war in Iraq, where President Bush made it clear that the US was standing firm in Iraq. This change in tact comes two weeks before mid-term Congress elections and is arguably designed to gain voter support for the Republican Party who instigated the unpopular war.

For Australians, September 11 made a huge impact on everyday life. Since 2001 race tensions have soared, most prominently between Muslim-Australians and Anglo- Australians. Prime Minister John Howard wants people unwilling to adopt the ‘Australian lifestyle and culture’ (whatever that may be in our supposedly ‘multicultural society’) to “go home”. As active members in the coalition of the willing, many argue that Australia has made itself a terrorist target. The Australia wide survey by the Lowy Institute recently established just that: large numbers of Australians were asked about our being a part of the coalition o f the willing in Iraq, replying that democracy was not likely

to spread in the Middle East, and 84% felt our involvement is increasing the risk of terrorism.

In a recent interview Alan Gyngell, Executive Director of the Lowy institute for International policy, asserted that most Australians identify their anger about the War on Terror with the Bush administration rather than our own Prime Minister. “If you look at the US questions in the survey, there’s quite a heavy sort of burden of resentment of the US. So I think that’s where its gone,” he said. He suggests that public anger and debate isn’t raging as strongly here as it is in other coalition member states because so far we have lost no soldiers engaged in the war. “If we’d had in Iraq the sort of casualty rates that the Canadians have had in Afghanistan, I think the debate would be entirely different” he said.

In this context, the Howard government has offered practically no local justification for the anti-terror legislation and the strengthening o f the Australian Federal Police and

controversial legislation, “Too busy chasing a brief advantage they find in the politics of fear, the Howard government has barely pretended to try to get the legislation and the balance right. In the past the Senate has done that job for them but no longer,” he said. There was much opposition to the anti-terror legislation and yet it passed through the Senate largely due to the Coalition’s majority.

Greens Senators Bob Brown and Kerry Nettle submitted a recommendation to the Senate that the Anti-terrorism Bill (No.2) 2005 be opposed. Like Senator Faulkner they were concerned that detention for reasons other than prosecution and penalty for a criminal offence was unjustifiable except for extraordinary reasons, which they believed the government hadn’t provided.

They argued for the proper regulation of Australian intelligence agencies rather than an increase in surveillance powers saying: “the misuse of intelligence to justify the invasion of Iraq, the deportation of peace activist Scott Parkin and bungled police raids relying on ASIO advice reinforce the need for proper regulation of intelligence agencies”.

ASIO powers. The little explanation offered centres on the notion that Australia needs these laws for national security and that there is a real and looming terrorist threat to Australia from within and from nearby Asian states.

Former officer with the Australian Secret Intelligence Service, Warren Reid, believes that Australia is at risk of a terrorist attack. “There is a threat from terror. There is no doubt about that but I think that this particular government has so debased its currency through relying on too many things...”. Reid proposes that the Howard government is putting Australia at risk from terrorist attack by wasting time stirring up fear in the electorates without following the advice and information provided by its security agencies. “It is known right up to the highest level that they don’t have any credibility anymore and once you debase the currency of truth in a democracy you lose the confidence of the community”.

Former Director-General of the Australian Secret Intelligence Organisation, Dennis Richardson, publicly admitted that ASIO had no need for increased powers to help maintain national security. On May 19, 2005 Senator Robert Ray asked then Director-General of „ASIO (Richardson) if ASIO required increased powers in the existing legislation to which he unambiguously replied “no”. Senator Ray then asked him: “Director-General, you are satisfied that the existing powers equip you to do the job you need to do?” Richardson replied: “yes”.

Richardson’s candour indicates the existing laws were more than enough for authorities to monitor and detain suspected terrorists. The terror alert level at the time was set at medium (which had remained constant since 2001) and so far has never been set to high or extreme. Many commentators from the country’s drug law enforcement agencies are saying: why create extreme control measures to deal with a mild terror situation when the threat to society over drugs such as meth-amphetamines (ice) is said to be many times more serious?

On December 6 2005 Senator Faulkner stated his concern about the anti-terror legislation in Australia, saying that the Anti­terrorism Bill (No 2.) 2005 contains extraordinary measures and that “the government’s failure to adequately justify or defend those measures is also extraordinary”. Australia is a signatory to the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights in which Article nine states, “No one shall be subjected to arbitrary arrest, detention or exile”, however the anti-terror legislation allows for the detention of individuals for up to 186 hours (seven days) with an ASIO warrant.

Suspending such basic human rights surely demands justification. Senator Faulkner suggested in the Senate that the Howard government had “not even come close” to justifying such excessive measures of protection. “This slipshod legislation makes only the briefest and most cynical gestures towards fulfilling the duty to protect and to respect,” Senator Faulkner said in the chamber.

In his address, Senator Faulkner expressed his disgust at Howard’s lack of an explanation for these laws and his exploitation of the Coalition Senate majority to pass

w

^ Scott Parkin, an American peace activist, was in** Sydney protesting against Halliburton, the former

ijpi multinational employer of US Vice President m u \ Dick Cheney, which received extensive

% construction and logistical contracts from USDepartment of Defense in Iraq, Afghanistan and Kosovo. Newly appointed ASIO Director- General Paul O’Sullivan deemed Parkin a terrorist and he was deported, however Warren

I Reid noted: “As a former intelligence officerin the apparatus I do not believe that he [Scott Parkin] was anything that ASIO has claimed

M that he was and I certainly don’t think he in any way posed a threat to national

^ security.” Parkin was deported from* Australia for taking direct action

g against the US company Ilalliburton— and was not charged with any

* p ' % crime on his return to the USA,l ip which indicated there was never a

request for extradition. It should be noted that O ’Sullivan was selected to replace Dennis Richardson

as head of ASIO eight days after Richardson spoke in the Senate on the anti-terror legislation. Previous to his appointment, O’Sullivan was Prime Minister John Howard’s senior advisor on international affairs.

Kerry Nettle announced in the Chamber on 5 December 2005, “Freedom of expression, freedom of association and religion, the right to privacy are all attacked by this [ASIO anti-terrorism Bill (No 2.) 2005] Bill”. Her solicitude about the Bill was echoed by human rights organisations such as Amnesty International, unions such as the Journalists’ Association, the Media and Entertainment and Arts Alliance, churches such as the Uniting Church and community groups such as the Australian Muslim Civil Rights Network and the Federation of Ethnic Communities Councils, who all expressed substantial concerns with the bill.

The Anti-terror legislation, which first came into effect on July 22 2003 and has since been amended gives ASIO the power to monitor, detain or question people with and without warrants. ASIO has the right to monitor B-parties, that is people who are not suspected as being involved in terrorist

activities but who may have interacted with, or had contact with, another person who is involved in terrorist activities. To do this ASIO does not have to prove that the person they are monitoring has interacted with a suspected ‘terrorist threat it can monitor simply to establish that the person is not in fact interacting with suspects.

For journalists especially, this is a huge blow to their professional freedoms in respect to dealing with sources. In their article “Someone else might be listening” first published in the Sun Herald (March 23 2006) George Williams and David Hume emphasise the scary nature of the Anti-terror Act (No 2.) 2005. “The Bill goes far beyond what can be justified and undermines our right to privacy more than is needed to properly enforce the law,” they stated. Not only will the government be able to collect communications between the B-party and suspect, but also communications between the B party and anyone else. They suggest; “your most private and intimate conversations could be poured over, without your knowledge, by people you have never met”. Surveillance includes accessing people’s emails, SMSs, MMSs, mobile and landline telephone calls.

Journalists in particular are in danger from the ASIO legislation. These laws make it impossible for stories about detention, arrest or surveillance conducted under the ASIO act to be reported.Without a legal right to freedom of speech journalists are unable to accurately and fairly report the truth. This is more than just stirring fear in the electorate. These laws enable societal control reminiscent of George Orwell’s eternally relevant ‘1984’. Just- as political writings against ‘The Party’ were banned in Orwell’s ‘1984’, in October 2006, two books; ‘Join the Caravan’ and ‘Defence of the Muslim lands', were removed from the University of Melbournelibrary under the new sedition w&r Vlaws. Both were written by 1|FSheikh Abdullah Azzam, who has been referred to as‘Bin Laden’s spiritual mentor’. Both were considered by the Federal Government’s Office of Film and Literature Classification to be inflammatory and were stamped “refused classification”.

Melbourne writer Christopher Bantick suggests that the banning of these books by the Federal Government is "more an act of symbolism than practicality” because both books are available on the internet. The book banning undeniably sends a message to the public that the government does not approve of the content and is prepared to exercise its power as gained through the legislation. Under the Anti-terrorism Bill (No.2) 2005 the books are legally inappropriate, highlighting our government’s ability to quash political discussion that it does not approve of through the new legislation. As Bantick suggests, “this is the government’s fear of opinions contrary to its own narrow social conservatism”.

For journalists this is harrowing. Important questions about our. government and national security are becoming increasingly hard to answer. So who is to blame for the

global climate of terror? For Curtis the answer lies with the politicians we elect to protect us, who seem to benefit the most from the consolidation o f power gained under the national emergency. Curtis says, “They have discovered a new role that restores their power and authority. Instead of delivering dreams, politicians now promise to protect us from nightmares.. The global climate of fear is undeniable. There is no doubt that the September 11, Madrid, London and Bali bombings were all acts of violence aimed at the West. Everyday we are reminded that we live in a world of terror.

For Curtis, terrorism is a dark illusion spread by power hungry governments working on behalf of multi-national corporations. Forthe ‘Coalition ofthe willing’, terrorism is an attack on democracy and the Western way of life. According to ASIO Director-General Paul O ’Sullivan Australia does face a real and imminent threat from terrorism, especially from Jemaah Islamiah extremists based in Indonesia. Instead of following the US into Afghanistan and Iraq, Australia has much unrest and poverty to negotiate in its immediate neighbourhood. In an interview with Kerry O’Brien (7.30 Report, 19/10/06), Prime Minister John Howard argued that withdrawing Australian troops from Iraq would boost the converts to Jemaah Islamiah in Indonesia. He said a

withdrawal “would resonate not only throughout the Middle East but it would resonate throughout South

East Asia. It would be used as a recruiting weapon by Jemaah Islamiah in Indonesia”. Even so Prime Minister Howard was reluctant to acknowledge that Australia’s involvement in both Iraq and Afghanistan has made Australia a terrorist target. This grates with recent

comments by head of the Australian armed forces, General Peter Cosgrove, who said on October 15 2006, “If people say that there has been an energising of the jihadist movement through the protracted war in Iraq, well, that’s pretty obvious”.

Roughly constructed bush mosques designed by Muslim

African missionaries are emerging in Papua New

Guinea’s highlands. At least 1000 Papua New Guineans - mainly highlanders (particularly Chimbu) - have now

converted to Islam. Other countries in the region are also seeing the growth of indigenous converts. In neighbouring West Papua, struggling for independence from Indonesia, elements of the resistance, traditionally Christian, are now turning to Jihadi organizations for funding and co-operation, mainly out of frustration after 40 years o f struggle and failingto attract support from fellow Melanesians or same faithChristian Governments in Australia.

It may also come to be realised that it is better to counter such movements unconventionally - which may mean not fighting them at all but instead harnessing their potential for a harmonious future and for the development of their economies in environmentally sustainable ways. These imperatives are very clear to most and so are up for adoption by a political party in developing a viable opposition to the confrontational Howard government, as seen last year in Fiji at the Pacific Leaders’ Conference.

68% of sex crimes are against children. This year alone, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys will be sexually assaulted. Paedophiles are usually very discreet and manipulating individuals, often functioning comfortably in communities and even in positions of trust. Paedophiles have also quickly discovered the benefits of using online chat rooms and profile sites like MySpace.

The internet allows anonymity and this has encouraged sex offenders to pose as children, teens or young adults and begin their ‘grooming’ process (the steps that a predator takes to become closer to a victim, identifying the victim; gaining the child’s trust and break down the child’s defences) in a bid to meet potential victims online. An attempt is often made to coax a face-to-face meeting with the child. Online predators mainly use chat rooms and instant messaging to build bonds with their victims.

Another threat to young teens that has become evident is offenders who lure teenagers into virtual relationships. Teens that are vulnerable may be easily coaxed into an online relationship by the offender; with manipulation possibly leading to a face-to- face meeting.

Society makes no effort to disguise their disgust in paedophilia, hence why offenders go to much trouble to hide theirdiscrepancies but the internet has taken them out of hiding. The World Wide Web has allowed police to actually identify and apprehend more sexual predators than ever before. Police take an undercover approach; they create an identity that would be attractive to a

sexual predator and converse with the paedophile so that they are able to discover their real identity. Offenders have also been located through children who have reported that they have been approached in a chat room (or similar) by a stranger.

Only recently, in Perth, a twenty-six year old male was arrested after engaging in a month long ‘groom ing’ process with a police officer who the offender believed was a young girl. The man has been charged with intent to procure a child under 13 to engage in sexual activity, and sending the “child” pornographic images of himself.

The internet has also assisted in identifying and catching known paedophiles through public identification. Websites like Australia’s MAKO, Movement Against Kindred Offenders, who publish the identities of convicted paedophiles and make the information available to the public, in an effort to promote public awareness, have had positive results in protecting communities.

Recently, MySpace has attracted particular attention from parents and the media as a danger to children. Age verification has become a widely sought after addition to the social networking site by parents. At the moment there is no system in place for age verification. The USA’s current security function prevents members who are under the age of 16 from being contacted by members above the age of 18, unless they can prove they know them with a first and last name or email address for that member.

The internet has also supplied pedophiles with an endless supply of what is nick named ‘kiddie porn’. There has been a reported increase in the amount of children being exposed to abuse for the purpose of these pictures. Fortunately, like with those who

A/S/L = age/sex/location, PAW = parents are watching, LMIRL = let’s meet in real life, TDTM = talk dirty to me, are common acronyms used by users of instant messenger.

The Internet leads us to have a false sense of security. Forachild or young teen who believes they have genuinely made a friend with someone, someone who has manipulated their whole identity and conversation to suit the victim, may not ever think to be skeptical and cautious about sharing personal details with their ‘friend’. The NetAlert

I survey also shows that almost

150 per cent of children have been approached by a stranger to meet in real life and of those who agreed to meet; only 10 per cent ask permission from their parents. Younger generations, although often more skilled on computers than their parents, are not aware of the dangers and exploitation they may be open to.

actually make contact with children over the net, a rise has been seen in the amount of child pornography collectors who have been caught by Internet^ surveillance.

One ongoing related case from Sydney, involves a high profile former deputy senior crown prosecutor. He was caught with thousands of gay and child pornography images and 31 child pornography videos, one of which has been tagged as “sadistic/ bestiality” by the police. All the images were located on the computers hard drive had been downloaded from the internet. The former prosecutor pleaded guilty in January this year and is a waiting to be sentenced in May. As many as 29,000 child pornographic images were found on the computer.

In March this year, a ring of predators were caught in Spain. The fifteen person network had been established to share and download sexually explicit child pornography pictures. 480 000 pictures and videos of child pornography were seized. These types of interacting groups have become

popular amongst paedophiles on the World Wide Web. These societies allow them to proclaim their lifestyles, share information and communicate with others, but is also allovvs police to observe and locate these criminals.

Understandably, parents are concerned about their children using the internet and entering a potentially very adult and exhibitionist world, forty per cent of children surveyed by NetAlert, the Australian Governments Internet Safety Advisory Body, reported that they had ‘accidentally found a website their parents would prefer them not to see’. It is impossible to monitor and safeguard all of a child ’s use of the internet. Many parents have approached the ir children saying that they are only to talk to people they actually do know outside of the internet and that the parent has full access to all profiles and sites the child visits. Even with these precautions it may still be hard for a child or even an adult to recognise a fake, as predators have learnt to mimic children’s lingo as part of their grooming process.

Child pornography is not a victim less crime. Anyone who possesses child pornography has contributed to the sexual exploitation of a child somewhere in the world. Parents around the world are trying to protect their children from the dangers in their physical world and they are now also trying to protect them from the dangerous of the virtual world. Our society’s greatest asset is that our legal system and the people who enforce it have too changed their strategies to match the online predators.

The internet has its dangers, but its positives and offerings to the world far out weigh these dangers. Obvious is the need for rules, regulations and laws to govern any unfortunate events that occur but the ultimate responsibility lays with the parent. Just as children are taught about the dangers of the off-line world they should be taught the dangers of the online world.

By Jacqueline Wales

T i . is that tim e o f year again X L folks: tim e to e ither cancel your appointm ents and settle in front o f the TV, o r to regularly denounce your friends and b a rf every tim e you hear the w ords “O h m y god, did you see w hat G retel said to the housem ates last n ight?” Yes, the g iant o f reality television Big B ro ther is back on A ustralian shores fo r its seventh season. Love it or hate it, fo r the next few m onths the general public w ill be forced to eat, sleep and crap B ig B ro ther new s, gossip and scandal - m uch like the housem ates them selves - as the Southern S tar E ndem ol m arketing m achine goes into overdrive.

H ow ever, has anyone ever stopped to consider the im pact a show like Big B ro ther could have on our society? D espite constantly m aking som e m em bers o f the public w ant to ran t, spew , o r stab w orkm ates as the show becom es ‘w ater coo ler’ ch itchat, are there greater cultural im plications to this TV phenom enon that need to be explored?

R ecently, our m uch beloved leader PM John H ow ard (see, w e’ve learnt to be Fair-A nd-B alancedT M too!) condem ned the show saying it w as an “atrocious” program and that he w ould cancel the show if he could. B ut, since he can ’t, he urged advertisers to help convince C hannel Ten to close the show: “I think in this situation people in my position should express a view , bu t in the end the ch annel’s got to m ake a decision and the advertisers on the channel have got to m ake a decision .”

B esides the fact that H ow ard should probably concern h im self w ith m ore serious aspects o f public office - such as the disastrous w ar in Iraq o r fu rther oppressing som e under-paid casual w orkers - the m an does have a bit o f a point. W ell, okay not really because even rem otely expressing the desire fo r

m

censorship is w rong and part o f the reason w hy the curren t governm ent is a lready ak in to O rw ell’s concept o f Big B ro ther in 1984. But there can be no doub t that the show does pose the risk o f influencing how w e th ink - especially w hen it com es to re in forc ing an ideology o f surveillance and treating our bodies as consum able com m odities.

B ig B ro ther is a show w hose prem ise centres on people being watched: the p rogram tak ing ‘o rd in ary ’ people and ask ing them to sacrifice their p rivacy fo r the chance to w in. This is a m ajor p rob lem fo r a num ber o f critics , w ho view this as being indicative o f a w ider social problem - surveillance ( ‘Surve illance’ is a French w ord that refers to keeping a close eye on so m eo n e’s m ovem ents, som ething that is a t the very core B ig B ro th e r’s p rem ise).

We are curren tly living in a society that advocates and glorifies being w atched , a culture where surveillance cam eras are on display in public p laces. T h is is a society w here invasive foot-in-the-door tab lo id jo u rn a lism ; technologies like sa tellites and w eb-cam eras; and w ebsites like live joum al, google- earth , m y space and youtube have m eant that an increasing num ber o f people now have trouble fixing boundaries betw een public and private.

A ll around the w orld today, m illions o f depressive tw eens will spend hours in fron t o f a d igi-recorder m im ing to Avril and upload the resulting v ideos on to youtube. H undreds o f m en and wom en will take pho tos o f them selves in com prom ising positions (m ostly solo events) and post these onto to w ebsites w here you can rate the size and shape o f their genitals. T hen there is the special breed: the m illions o f b log users w ho in this hour alone w ill post ream s o f awful poetry and w hine lyrically about

love lost and their c rippling depression .

In the 21st C entury, people are m ore than happy to upload their w hole life on to the Internet for com plete strangers to read , view and hear. People also seem to be fine w ith giving the sam e level o f personal inform ation to governm ents and m arketers. We have let o u r guard dow n and perm itted a culture w here anyone can be w atched at any point in tim e - the w estern w orld is in fact now quite like a giant reality television show w ith its c itizens as the contestants.

T his has serious repercussions fo r privacy and som e com m entators have gone as fa r as to suggest that show s like Big B ro ther act as a form o f indoctrination into this surveillance culture. For exam ple, R oger C larke poetically concludes in his w ork ‘H ave we learn t to love Big B rother?’ that because o f these sorts o f reality program s “the y g enera tion ... [are] inheriting a regim e that is h ighly perm issive o f surveillance o f consum ers and c itizens. T he Y generation is doom ed to re-live history unless they use their im aginations and discover that the m ass m edia has triv ialised the m essage and that loving B ig B rother is as serious a m istake now as i t w as in 1984” .

Now, d o n ’t get me w rong - 1 am ready and w illing to adm it that I am a not-so-closeted Big B rother junk ie . In fact, you could say that w hen it com es to BB I am som ew hat o f a tragic regular viewer. W hile it m ight m ake som e people love m e a little less, I cannot help but find the w hole thing fascinating . I t’s like a car-crash on the side o f the road: you know you shouldn’t w atch bu t you ju st c an ’t help it. M y life , like m ost U ni students, involves hours o f study, intellectual thought, and casual w ork in a shit jo b - so at the end o f the day som etim es I ju s t need a little trash to unwind. A nd that is w hat B ig B ro ther really is: pure unadulterated trash.

B ecause o f this hardcore need fo r trash TV, w hich som e m ight say requires urgent m edical a tten tion , I am a m em ber o f the w ebsite B ehindB igB rother.com ; a co llective group o f fanatics w ho constan tly thw art the BB m achine by leaking insider inform ation abou t the p rogram ( it’s actually sort a cool in a subverting the system w ay though , right??). It is on here that I started noticing a trend; a certain level o f acceptance to ju s t sm ile fo r the surveillant technologies - no m atter how in trusive these m ay be.

W inston Sm ith and thoughtcrim e - 1984

In the thread ‘B ig B ro ther is shouting a t y o u ’ u se r ‘a llican ’ posts a link to an article in the U K new spaper the D aily M ail (16 .09.06) - o f the sam e nam e as the thread - and leaves forum users w ith the fo llow ing m essage: “had this to report. I love the idea” . T he article outlines how talk ing C C TV cam eras that allow security

Is resistance futile?

o r control room operators to shout ou t orders to anyone caugh t engag ing in w hat the article refers to as “anti-social acts” . T he cam eras have been m et w ith astounding ly positive response from m ost locals. For exam ple, local shopper K aren M argery is quoted as saying in the article “I t ’s quite scary to realise that y o u ’re every m ove could be m onito red” and yet despite ou tlin ing this reasonable concern is qu ick to add “bu t M iddlesborough does have

a big prob lem w ith anti-social behaviour, so it’s very reassuring” .

To m e , this article highlights the scary fact that as a society we are becom ing m ore accepting and to lerant o f surveillance and in trusions in to our private lives. H ow ever, w hat m akes this even m ore in teresting is that it w as posted on forum s fo r a show like Big B rother, a program that capitalises on the surveillance o f indiv iduals fo r entertainm ent.

The responses that fo llow ed the posting o f this article indicated a level o f calm

about being m onitored that I find quite d istressing . T he m ajority o f posts to the thread d isplayed an overw helm ing

support fo r surveillance as a way to curtail the public nuisance. O ne user com m ents “ W hat a great idea! People will a lw ays do w hat they th ink they can get aw ay w ith and surveillance cam eras are often seen as being a d e terren t” , w hile ano ther said, “ I th ink it’s great!! E specially enforcing parking zones, sm oking etc” . O nly one com m enter on the th read had any issue w ith the idea o f being m onito red , calling the cam eras a “ gross invasion o f p rivacy” . H ow ever, none o f the o th er users shared this concern , even taking tim e to argue w ith the user w ho posted it: “Y ou’re being w atched on cam era’s while y o u ’re ou t anyw ay, the only difference is that these o n e ’s speak” .

B ut above all e lse , I th ink the m ost disturbing com m ent on the thread was that “this sounds like a good idea fo r school playgrounds. Teachers d o n ’t like doing playground duty. T h is cou ld be the answ er.”

Now , w hile obviously none o f this provides any conclusive p ro o f o f a correlation betw een reality TV and surveillance, I believe there is cause to be concerned. W ith an increasing num ber o f m onitoring m easures pu t in place by com panies and governm ents every year we can not be com placen t about our eroding civil liberties. Show s like Big B rother m ake us feel com fortable w ith a llow ing ourselves to be w atched fo r a token prize. F o r the housem ates it is m oney; in our case it is supposedly protection from the w orld ’s big baddies (w hom ever they happen to be that decade).

H ow ever, w atching the dram a and traum a o f people w ho give up their freedom and privacy should no t sim ply be seen by audiences as trash TV: w e need to th ink seriously about w hat it m eans to be constantly w atched. So w hen you n ex t sit dow n to w atch Gretel and the housem ates, o r overhear a conversation abou t them that m akes you w ant to react w ith ex trem e vio lence, actively exam ine w hat is tak ing place. B ig B ro ther no t only show s us a w orld that is possib le , but one that is already on its way.

- Adam Knobel ...is watching you

liE R S I W H“WEB OF DEATH”

A few weeks ago, two Melbourne girls Jodie Gater and Stephanie Gestier went missing. One week later, the 16- year-olds were found dead, having hung themselves from a tree.

1 actually first read about them on a web forum and laughed in a terribly guilty way about the comments their 'friends’ were leaving on Jodie’s MySpace page (this is while they were still considered missing, mind you):

“dude where r ya i saw ur pic in the paper... even tho it didnt look like you but still, u beta be at work on satday other wise itl be no fun wit out u il be all like hey im boyd and u wont be there to pretend ur boyd wit my bage. but yeah come back where r ya?”

The account has been deleted now. Probably a good move by MySpace, seeing as how the media has now decided to blame them for all the evils in the world, but in particular the tragic demise of two teenagers. Some ill-informed reports even say the two met on MySpace, despite the fact that they went to school together and quite patently knew each other in real life.

But mainly the tabloid media is enjoying linking MySpace, the emo subculture and two kids whose life was apparently bad enough to drive them to make a suicide pact in a nicely packaged "web of death”.

I was only mildly annoyed about it until a Wednesday night a few weeks ago, when ABC’s The 7.30 Report decided to do a report on “emo subculture” in a similar flavour to the sort of thing you’d see on Today Tonight. I generally consider The 7.30 Report to be above the standard of the commercial current affairs shows, so I was absolutely mortified.

It was already offensive enough to have read the feature "It’s not us who suck, it’s the world” in The Sun-Herald on April 29. Despite opening with my pet point that there have been many, many teen-based subcultures, often with a dark side, the story still went on to portray the most simplified, stereotypical and generally horrifying account of emo I’ve ever read.

I’m n o t an emo kid. The closest I get to it is listening to a bit of Bright Eyes and Brand New. But I won’t get into a nonsense argument about whether they’re emo or not - deep down, no- one really knows because what the tag actually signifies has changed dozens of times since it started.

Apart from that, the style’s too much effort for me, and I really believe the subculture now is about 90% what you look like (as it is with many.)

But my main point is that I hate when the media over-simplifies things and tries to stir up some bullshit moral panic over nothing. I have my own personal bias, because of my age I actually happen to know a few things about emo and certainly the style - therefore I don’t need newspaper telling me that ‘Their dark clothes and jet-black hair, often with a long straight side fringe, mark them out’.

Speaking of their hair, the primary interviewee in the story and our ‘insider’ to emo culture is 14-year-old Katy (not her real name). She got into emo last year and she comes out with a lot of gems: “It was mainly just the trend, I wouldn’t say I was just into the music. It was just the whole blackness that I liked” is a good one. My favourite may be “I love the hair, I just love the hair” and she just keeps harping on that point...

XEAH. & PICS (AN FIX.

“W hat do I love about emo? It’s the hair, I love the hair. And all the emo guys are hot. Naturally hot. They look good. They’re not all muscles and buffness, they’re skinny and they wear what they want and they have great hair. W hen it’s washed”.

Linkin Park is one of her favourite bands.

I’m pretty sure the dead girls are more articulate about (and representative of) the appeal of emo than this girl, but a good half of the article is devoted to her telling us about all things it (15-year-old Jack is our other insider).

In the ‘characteristics of the subculture’ section of the article we have some fabulous profiling. Because every emo has exactly the same personality, which is: ‘Emos tend to be sensitive, shy and introverted, sometimes broken­hearted, often quiet and glum. They are heavily into music with lyrics that deal with confusion, depression, loneliness and anger. Some drink heavily, and some self-mutilate. Suicide is a constant theme!

Theme of what?! I’ll tell you what; the

im n o tfMO.

a)

world has never seen angsty teens wearing black before. It is an entirely new thing, and they’re all gonna kill themselves, just like those Melbourne web-of-death girls! (cue sounds of social panic).

But that article was basically just ‘A Guide To Recognising Your Emos’: Does your kid wear Chuck Taylors? Check! Well watch their wrists!

The 7.30 Report brought things right back to the internet. Somehow there is a causal link being represented between the internet and suicide. Such as the insane notion that if we’d just kept the girls off that damn MySpace site, they’d still be alive today. I’d like to bring up again - they knew each other from school. So... they apparently left farewell messages on their pages. You know what, if they hadn’t have been able to do it there they would probably do it somewhere else. They may have written a note, which would hardly be unusual.

Anyway, I spend a lot of time researching the internet, and a lot of time on the internet. My Honours project involves studying MySpace, and

I know a thing or three about online communities. Instead of demonising the internet as a way that confused kids to drag each other down, how about looking at it from Katie’s Perspective?

There is some bad shit going on. I’ve seen the Livejournal ana/mia communities: sites that glorify eating disorders where people can go and essentially encourage each other to starve themselves thin. However, the internet is also a great way for people to connect. If you were depressed, or suicidal, it may have a lot to do with the fact that you feel isolated or that nobody cares about you. If you’re a teenager, you may feel like there’s nobody that ‘gets’ you among your peer group. The internet is a great way to meet like- minded souls, to bond with people who like the same band as you, or TV show; to make human connections.

That won’t always result in a suicide- pact with a similarly depressed person (in fact, I think Jodie and Stephanie would be the exception, rather than the rule). There’s a good chance that it could actually even save someone, knowing that there’s a person or a group of

people out there in the world that care about them.

I realise I can be a bit of a radical with these kinds of views, especially when contrasted with the scare-mongering, naive, conservative viewpoints being expressed in the media. I have a very idealistic view of the internet because I know how many great things it has done for my life. Part of it is that I’m not dependent only the people I see face- to-face for a social life or emotional support. I actually have a worldwide group of friends who are there in times of need. I also have a worldwide group of people whose lives I’m invested and interested in, and who I wouldn’t think of deserting needlessly.

We all know the media are stupid panic-whores, and that concerned parents are probably gobbling up this bullshit to try and guard their kids from their own fate. So this is my little preach to those reading: that we should never get caught up in the fray and underestimate the positive influence of online communities.

By Katie Sparkes

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The 2007 Social Responsibility W riters Prize will be launched on 27 April with a first pnze of $20001 The competition is a fun way for secondary school and tertiary students to express their opinions about socially responsible business practice. Australian students are invited to choose from a series of questions and respond in a creative style. As an Australian Government hitiative this competition allows h e Prime Minister to hear h e views of youth in our community

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For more information, go to www.partnef8laps.gov.au or cat) 1800

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‘Do You Really Want To Hurt Ma$e?’:An Investigation into the Cultural and Sociopolitical Significance of the Worst Rapper Alive

by Ben Moffitt

“Do you really wanna hurt Ma$e?Or do you really wanna make me cry? Or is it really that you envy Ma$e?Or you don’t really wanna see me fly? “ Wanna Hurt Ma$e - Ma$eThe short answer is yes, I want to hurt Ma$e. The whole world wants to hurt Ma$e. Why? It’s a natural reaction to a half-assed rapper with a shit eating grin.

(Please note: shit eating grin)

“Who is Ma$e? Why should I care?” you ask. Well, according to the font of all knowledge, Wikipedia, Ma$e is an “American rapper, best known as an artist on Sean “Diddy” Combs’ hip hop label Bad Boy Records during the late 1990s”. You may remember him as the more untalented guest with Puff Daddy (this is no mean feat) on the Notorious B.I.G.’s ‘Mo Money, Mo Problems’. Ma$e also retired from rapping in 1999 to become a pastor, following in the footsteps of that other hip-hop messiah, MC Hammer. His 2004 comeback album Welcome Back, sold poorly, cementing Ma$e’s status as a B-grade rapper who deserves to have articles written about him in university magazines that mock him by smart-assedly making ridiculous assertions by reading way too much into his work.

In this light, I would like to posit that perhaps Ma$e is an unfairly maligned cultural leader. Perhaps he is in fact a genius and prophet. I present to you my findings on the greatest rapper (and perhaps person) of all time, Ma$e.

1Ma$e is an amazing poet who questions his come on”own values and confronts life’s most important I believe that Ma$e may have begun the fourth wave of

questions: feminism.

For example, when Puff Daddy (or whatever the fuck he is called these days) asks Ma$e what he would do if he had 24 hours to live, Ma$e, being the existentialist philosopher he is, replies “yo, I’d turn out all the hoes that’s heterosexual and smack conceited n***as right off the pedestal”. Insightful advice. And frankly, who can question the wry brilliance and subtlety of song titles like “Fuck Me? No Fuck You”. Ma$e's sense of irony is unparalled. I believe this could be Ma$e’s call to arms, his catch-cry. Imagine if someone said to you,“Fuck you”. You could think of Ma$e and reply “Fuck Me? No, fuck you”. It’d knock their socks off. Try it, let me know how it goes.

2Ma$e is the new Marx:Karl Marx’s shoes are

large ones to fill, but I think Ma$e is a worthy contender.Firstly, let’s look at the critique of capitalism Ma$e presents us with.He has a dollar sign in his name.How amazing!How ironic! Ma$e is simultaneously mocking AND embracing freemarket capitalism by using the symbolic signifier for currency in his name. What a genius! Furthermore, Ma$e doesn’t see capitalism as being eventually overtaken by a communist utopia, but instead envisions a “Harlem World” utopia, where I believe he will be surrounded by money, cash & possibly hoes. He really seems to like gardening tools, old Ma$e.

3Ma$e is a feminist scholar.I don’t even need to explain this one. Check these

lyrics for his incredible insight into gender relations.

“Then show old cats young cats be real Deep throat be how I greet my chick Any hoe suck a dick, got at least a six”

“A n***a like me, I have a girl head in a dazeAnd I never eat pussy cuz I’m too stubborn in my ways,

4Ma$e deserves an honorary doctorate in linguistics:

No other rapper in history has been able to survive and make so much money from enunciating as little as possible and having so little emotion in his voice. The man has invented a new language.

5Ma$e looks at social problems sensitively:

Ma$e, in his track “I Need To Be” tackles the problem of pedophilia by...urn, I

believe being a pedophile. Make what you will of these genius lyrics:

Ma$e: Remember that girl you said was nineteen something?

Friend: Yeah, I remember thatshorty.

Ma$e: She was not nineteenFriend: Word! Yes she is she

nineteenMa$e: N***a, I followed her to school, that’s how I know.Friend: N***a Ifollowed her to school, you know I don’t be into that.Ma$e: Dog, dog, she showed me some ID, be word up.Friend: N***az got to jail for thatMa$e: Lot a n***az go to jail.

6Ma$e is possibly the second coming:Invoking the Holy Trinity of hip hop, one can see

that it is possibly Biggy as the Father, Puffy as the Holy Spirit, and Ma$e as the Son. Furthermore, Ma$e went from being a rapper to pastor to rapper again, invoking Jesus' move on going from alive to dead to alive again. And what about this lyric?“Ma$e be the cat that’ll lead you to the light Messin’ with me shorty, you’ll be a-ight “Spooky.

Overall, I think that it is clear that Ma$e has been unfairly judged by history. He will be remembered as a prophet and genius in centuries to come. He is the underachiever’s underachiever. So the question is, do you really wanna hurt Ma$e? No. You want to hug Ma$e. Case closed.

This rant was submitted anonymously, built from conversations with Unicentre staff and bar regulars.

All of the above is what is allegedly taking place.

W hile prices continue to rise,

portion sizes are getting sm allerand sm aller. A nd

this isn ’t h igh-cost student paranoia - i t ’s

a U nicentre directive. From now on , the

head ch ef w o n ’t be doing anything else but

cooking - and w atching. She’s now been given

a police role. Policing what? Policing portion

sizes. B ar stu ff w ill now have som eone w atching

over their shoulder, to ensure th ey ’re not giving

anyone too m uch food. For instance - you m ay only have

one scoop o f guacam ole and sour cream on your nachos.

The ice-cream scoop o f last year has been replaced w ith a sm aller spoon, and if you w ant

any m ore, i t ’s an ex tra 60c per

scoop. A nd d o n ’t le t those co m chips n ear the top o f the con tainer - the com chip layer m ust be absolu tely , unarguably, below the to p o f the paper tray. O h y eah , as o f 18th o f A p ril, nachos are p re-m ade, and sit in a bain-m arie, w aiting there , getting soggy, till you com e and p iss aw ay your $7 on them .

C hip cups m ust be filled before you put them in the bag. You m ay N O T pu t the cup in the bag and then fill it - o therw ise you m ight, accidently , give the students too m any chips. R efer to d irective A - one scoop only. N everm ind that the ba r sta ff w ill b u m their hands m oving a cup o f chips w ith extrem ely ho t gravy into a bag ; U nicentre d o n ’t care. I t’s all abou t profit, fuck the staff.

A m azing ly (o r no t, i f you have been paying attention) there is also a sauce d irective . There is one w ay - and only one w ay - to app ly sauce to bu rg ers ,ch ip s, schnitzel ro lls etc. O therw ise, students m ay receive “too m uch sauce.”

O h , and have you heard o f b eer tickets? A m azing U nicen tre b reak through , pre-buy y our b eer tickets fo r T h u rsd ay ’s gig (cheap

a t $25, $20 fo r V IPs). T hat w ay, the b a r sta ff d o n ’t have to do rid iculous things like say, use a cash register, freeing them up to panic if th ey ’ve accidently given you 1.3 portions o f sauce. O f course, your beer tickets are only valid fo r one (1) n ight, so i f you only drink 3 beers, b u t bought 5 beer tickets, U nicentre ju s t effortlessly screw ed you ou t o f $6.90. Just ano ther friendly service.

Speaking o f friendly serv ice , did you know about the sm iling d irec tive? T his y e a r’s new bar sta ff are so unappalling ly rude and unacquainted w ith the m ost basic facets o f custom er serv ice , that U nicen tre w ere forced to issue a d irective telling ba r sta ff that they should m aybe, err, be polite to the students. U nfortunately, the o th er bar sta ff already knew this, and fo r the new bar staff, they d o n ’t care. For exam ple, I w as to ld th a t one o f the new staff m em bers, connected to the m anagem ent, is allegedly being or has been m oved to the bookshop because o f the am oun t o f com plaints this person generated.

So w hy is all th is happening? N ew U nicentre m anagem ent and an a ttem pt to cu t costs. Since V SU , unicentre and its subsidaries have been slowly dim inishing quan tities, qualities and value-for-m onies, w hile not so slow ly jacking up prices. T his is because they w ould like to keep forcing cash ou t o f studen ts like blood from a stone, m aking a tidy profit and keeping us hungry and confused.

M eanw hile cheers! (Flope you have your beer ticket.)

We th ink it ’s im portan t th a t the people m aking these decisions hear your feedback. Decisions that a ffe c t students shouldn’t go w ithout com m ent. So, if you’re unhappy w ith these new d irections and d irectives, te ll them ! D irect all com plain ts to m anagem ent. Not unibar staff, th ey ’re probably on our side.

m sIn her widely acclaimed work‘No

Logo’, Naomi Klein observed that many American universities were so poorly resourced they were being forced to open themselves up to virtual corporate takeover.Such was the desperation amongst college administrations for funding that almost any measure was considered acceptable: commercial advertising crept into bars, lecture theatres and libraries; companies set up permanent outlets on campus; sports teams were taken over and even academics themselves were not safe - professors no longer simply occupied the Chair of Exercise and Nutritional Studies, but the Nike Chair of Exercise and Nutritional Studies, or they became dean of the Microsoft Faculty of Computer Science.

But while this may seem ridiculous and implausible here, it is wise to remember that wherever America goes, Australia will be loyally following one step behind.

There are signs that the corporate encroach is creeping into UoW. Last month saw Australian Idol auditions and a Myer expo in the Unihall. iPod and Optus stands now sit alongside student stalls as an inevitable part of the O-week landscape. Advertising has snuck into the Unibar - it’s even shown at the end each music video they play in there - and the steps outside were taken over by Jim Beam for one day, too. Even the army gets to have a stall each week on our campus. And this, probably, is only the beginning.

Is this such a bad thing though? Over $1 billion has been cut from federal university funding in the last ten years, so isn’t it reasonable for uni admin to find a way to make up the funds? Idol auditions mean that potential students get an opportunity to see the grounds, the uni’s profile is raised, and all those ads and corporate stalls bring in money to improve the quality of our education and give students access to a greater range of products available on the campus.What’s so terrible about this?

According to critics, a lot. What corporate penetration into unis fundamentally amounts to is the loss of free, open space. A university is part of the public sphere - it is an institution owned by everybody and run for the benefit of all; it is somewhere where we can be free from advertising, consumerism and commercial imperatives, not somewhere that is administered on the basis of these principles. As human beings, we are more than economic units of production, and we need to escape from these forces every so often. We see advertising on the TV, hear it on the radio, view it on billboards, observe it w ritten by sky-writers above us, watch our sports teams play in uniforms and stadiums covered in it, are bombarded by it every day of our waking lives. If we can’t go to uni without being sure that our ethics course hasn’t been cut because it criticised Nike sweatshops, that our IT professor isn’t having a lecture on Windows Vista because he’s being sponsored by Microsoft, that our whole campus isn’t covered in advertisements, then where can we go? We need somewhere we can escape from this. Somewhere that is run not in the interests of profit, but of people. But if universities and the public sphere increasingly succumb to market forces and advertising, will it be possible anymore? Can we even have faith in what we’re being taught when it’s sponsored by advertisers?

Harmless or not, there is probably little we can do to stop this, as UOW itself begins to act more and more like a profit-making business. Whether well benefit from this or not, the graffiti on the bridge over the highway that leads to the campus probably says it best: “Welcome to Corporate Uni.”

Firstly allow me to introduce myself - I am a Pom. Essentially, what this means is that I sound like a pretentious bastard, but apart from that I am very much like you Aussies. Except that - yes, of course, I suck at cricket. Now we’ve got the formalities over with, what I want to talk to you about is something very important to both our countries - beer. I have spent the past 4 months painstakingly testing the beers of Wollongong, and I did it all for you my friends. I put my findings into an impossibly complicated equation, ran that through an algorithm and then transverted that back into English. The completely objective and scientific answer that came out was, quite frankly, shocking and its repercussions immense, so much so that I checked the calculations again. But no, the same answer came out - the beer here is shite.

Now before you Aussies in the audience grab your pitchforks and go hunt down anybody who has sunburn and says “flip-flops”, give me a second to explain myself. I love your country, so much so I’m planning on skipping my visa and living as a hermit on Mount Keira until they forget I’m here.The only thing I miss about England is the ale (... and Mummy). But it seems to me that the evolution of beer has stood still in this fine land, and I’m here to spark a beverage revolution of inebriating proportions.

Most of the beer here is your standard piss- coloured fizzy crap, we call it ‘Lager’ in England

and it’s very popular there as well. However,we also have an underground movement in the beer world known as the ‘Real Ale Movement’ (led by alcoholic pensioners and students alike), bringing light to the gassy nether regions of the beverage community. In this magical world there is generally far less fizz, although that doesn’t mean the beer’s flat, it just means a pint can be easily downed without then resulting in the drinker needing to burp out his/her small intestine. Now here’s the science: Real Ale is brewed with traditional ingredients and left to mature in the cask through a process called secondary fermentation. This process really develops the unique flavours that are so sorely lacking from most processed beers.This also means that the beer doesn’t need to be cold enough to freeze a camel’s love milk in order to be palatable.That is not to say we Brits drink our beer warm, as is the commonly held misconception - when served correctly real ale should be at cellar temperature (a cellar in England for 50 weeks of the year would likely be described as bloody cold). If the ale is too warm it loses its natural liveliness due to the dissolved C02, whereas if it’s too cold it will kill off the subtle flavours. And you don’t have to be the beer equivalent of a poncey, canape nibbling wine-buff talking shit about woody undertones and the like to really appreciate the taste. For me I just know that it tastes better by its tastiness in my mouth and that it makes my poo smell nice the next day (if the Ale was a good year of course).

Enough of the technical stuff, arguably the best thing about real ale is the names. Rucking Mole, Otter Ale, Old Peculiar, Hobgoblin,Waggledance, Old Speckled Hen, Bishops Finger, Rampant Gryphon, Fursty Ferret, I can’t believe it’s not Bitter, to name but a lot. Most English pubs will have a selection of these, usually from small local breweries with equally amusing names. For example, there’s a brewery called Piddles who have 4 beers: Piddle in the hole, Piddle in the wind, Piddle in the snow and Piddle in the dark. Just imagine the fun you could have ordering that in a pub! Quite literally minutes of fun. O r maybe

only seconds, but at least they’re more imaginative than such marketing gems by Tooheys as ‘New’, ‘Old’, and my personal favourite - ‘Extra Dry’. What annoys me most is that some dude is getting paid thousands to come up with that shit. No puns, no animal names, hardly any syllables. My own Ale concoction had both pun and animal name combined; we called it ‘Springer Spani-ale’ (label inset). In my opinion it tasted like sweet rainbow- coloured kittens from heaven and most agreed it was strong enough to anaesthetise a horse. What’s more, it cost no more than 30p a pint. Er, that’s about 70 cents a pint, or...er, 55 cents a schooner. Confusing eh? When are we all going metric?

So,‘what can I do to enrich my own life and liver?’ I hear you all cry.

The answer is start brewing. See below for a guide to brewing your own ale in only 3 weeks, it’s so fool­proof that even a complete and utter fool could execute every step without a single hitch. Please, find it within yourselves to set aside your mild-to- strong dislike for me and my whinging, tea-sipping, cricket-failing kin and join me in my quest to recreate the lost art of the Ale. If for no other reason than to get drunk cheaply, which we all know is the first priority of every student on Earth, just before the second priority of getting laid... followed closely by learning, of course... ahem.

This is where the revolution starts.You are the educated future of Australia; it’s your duty to educate thecominggenerations in the fastest and most cost- effective ways to destroy their livers. Give them the beverage choices they deserve, and thusly give your country the fine alcohol-fuelled future it deserves.

BrewingiGuide*You will need; 5 gallon plastic barrel

with lid, I m clear plastic tubing, I tub sterilisation powder, I tin ale-mix (in­cludes hops, yeast and aley goodness), I kg sugar. Approx 40 pint bottles (or more smaller ones). I bottle-capper.

Many Bottle Caps.

1. Sterilise barrel and pipe2. Dissolve ale-mix and sugar in 2 gal­lons hot water, fill to top of barrel with cold water and wait until mix is at room temperature.3. Sprinkle in yeast, stir and cover, leav­ing small gap in lid.4. After 6 days, siphon into sterilised bottles - each with half tsp sugar in.5. Cap the bottles and leave some­where warm for 2 days.6. Place bottles in fridge for around 2 weeks.7. Get wasted, spend saved money on Chewy Caramel Tim Tams and grow fat in time for winter.

jnt’s ReportLiz Larbalestier

To all students,

W U SA is under review by the University Council. Now, this may sound bureaucratic, but it’s about the survival of your student voice that you, your fellow students and students past, have shaped for the last 35 years.

The University Council, the overarching governing body of the University, made up of appointed members from industry and the community, elected staff and students, moved a motion last year for the University Council to review the Student Association this year as to how it faired under VSU .

It was only about one month ago that W U SA received correspondence from the University Council secretary, Mr Chris Grange, that submissions for the review would be due on May 31st and the terms of reference of the review would include such areas as membership levels, electoral turnout and profitability.

It has been clarified that the aim of the review is not simply how W U SA is faring under VSU , but the aim is to determine whether W U SA is the peak student representative body and if it’s the best model of student representation.

W U SA is not opposed to a review of finances and governance structure as we want to be as open and transparent to students regarding the safety and use of student funds, however, W U SA is appalled with the current review for many reasons: *

1. Chris Grange appears to have taken it upon himself to define the aims of the review and to take it further than the University Council resolution of reviewing how W U SA is fairing under VSU . Recommendations will be made

m

at the August 17th Uni Council meeting by Chris Grange that could dictate to students how their voice is to be represented and shaped.

2. Chris Grange will not define the terms of reference. No benchmarks, or key performance indicators will be set. W U SA has been told that this may appear ‘biased’ towards other parties that make a submission. This would only be a professional move by the Uni so that for years to come there is a standard to be achieved, with this argument still no benchmarks set.

3. Profitability was included as a term of reference, when W U SA is a registered not-for-profit organisation.

W U SA ’s submission for the review has been pushed back until June 22nd (after we were able to negotiate for an extension, that is, to avoid having a review before first session had even ended). Submissions are also open to Uni Council student reps and Academic Student reps. All parties that make submissions will begin talks during July. All documents will be made public.

In the meantime you can help your Student Association by joining up at wusa.uow.edu.au/join. Email myself at president@wusa.uow.edu.au if you have any ideas, want to volunteer to help get the word out on campus, or have a problem that needs fixing regarding your education quality at UOW.

W U SA is all about you and we’re going to be working hard to ensure that your student voice, that’s determined by you and your fellow students, that has existed for 35 years, and will continue to ensure that your expectations of UOW become reality!

STAND UP! FIGHT BACK!

YOUR STUDENT UNION IS UNDER ATTACK!

By FrewLast year, the Federal Government passed their voluntary student unionism legislation (better known as VSU). Until this year, students have had to pay a compulsory service fee, which subsidised most of the services on the University. This fee subsidised childcare, URAC, Uni-Centre, clubs and societies, W USA (Wollongong Undergraduate Students Association) and WUPA (Wollongong University Postgraduate Association.)

WUSA provides advocacy, welfare, organises campaigns for better education, the environment, against war and racism, sexism and queerphobia and even publishes this paper that you are currently reading.

Before VSU became a Federal law, similar laws had been passed in Western Australia and Victoria. In those places membership of the student associations fell to about 5% in the first year, then started to grow again. We expected much the same to happen here as we adjusted to the new situation.

Unfortunately, the Uni Administration, in particular Chris Grange (The Vice-Principal of Administration), wants to get rid of W USA and replace it with something more... pliable. This situation is in stark contrast to the situation at Melbourne Uni, where the administration gave the student association $1 million to keep on running.

WUSA is run by students, its Constitution is written by students and can be changed by a popular vote. It is directly accountable to the student body through Annual General Meetings, Special General Meetings and elections. You can help run W USA by participating in the collectives and take on some of the responsibility yourself.

WUSA has consistently opposed attacks on our education by both Labor and Liberal governments and the uni administration. Through organising the student body, we have saved the indigenous health degree and established the queer space among other things. Many of the worst attacks on higher education planned by the Howard government have been watered down because the protest has been too great.

This is why Chris Grange and the Uni admin want to get rid of us. They want a student body that will accept bigger class sizes, higher prices for crap service and who won’t raise issues around equality and justice. They wish to impose their own model on our union because they want to be able to control our dissent, to make us less effective. They are opposed to us having democracy.

WUSA has until June 22 to put in a submission to the University Council as to why we should be allowed to remain the peak student body. This is why we have changed our membership structure and have started a big push for more members. Should we fail to satisfy their demands (not that they’ll spell them out for us), W USA’s funds will be seized and given to a student body designed, set-up and installed by the Uni administration. Of!

/

^ of '

isaYbur student association

is under threat!University of Wollongong administration

has threatened to revoke the status of WUSA, freeze its funds and replace it with a different model. Any new representative body created by the University will undoubtedly be compliant to the administration’s agenda (that is, when the Uni decides to screw over students, no one will kick up a fuss).

The University has absolutely no right to determine the way students organise on campus - that is something only students can decide for themselves.

Students have a right to good quality education and a polical voice on campus. Without a student association to raise a dissenting voice, the rights of students will be eroded and quality of education degraded.

What you can doW USA needs strong support from

students in this fight against the Uni. The simplest way for students to show their support is to become a member. Standard membership is free, but students can also become Financial members for $25 or $50, which helps WUSA with its operating costs. WUSA recieves no funding from the University, and currently relies on savings to operate.

However, WUSA also needs indivdual students to gett involved with a sustained campaign to show the Uni that students will not be pushed around. The Admin cannot defy the wishes of a motivated student population.

Demand to keep student control of student affairs!

wi sajev

Membership FormName:

Student#: _ _

Email(UOW):

Phone: __

Address:

/

Signature:

Please indicate which issues you are interested in getting involved in: (please circle)

Anti-war Environment

Education/Save W U SA

Queer Womens

International Students

Welfare Disabilites

Indigenous Students

Events ExternalStudents

Media (Produces the Tertangala)

To return this form, or to become a financial member

of WUSA, please visit the WUSA offices in building 11

http://wusa.uow.edu.au/join

STUDENT REVIEW OF UNIVERSITY COUNCIL AND ADMINISTRATION

Sutton and Grange take note!By Adam Knobel

On Monday May 14, members of the Wollongong Undergraduate Students’ Association (WUSA) passed a motion declaring that University Council is on review. This move was met with cheers, and highlighted that only students should have the right to determine the method of representation and education that suits them. The following is a copy of the motion:

“The students of UoW would like to ensure that the University Council and all divisions of the University are operating in a way that best suits the needs of the students, especially now that Voluntary Student Unionism is in place.

This review will consider the impact of Voluntary Student Unionism (VSU) on the University, and look at issues such as how the University intends to maintain independent advocacy and student representation, affordable services and a high-quality education.

The aim of the review is to recommend to the students and local community the best model for administration at the University of Wollongong.

WUSA and students call for the University Council to prepare a report for our consideration outlining, but not limited to, the following issues:

• How they are ensuring independent student representation post-VSU• Administration activities• Services offered to students (eg: notification of any independent student- run publications, independent advocacy services etc. Students are interested to know if the University Council actually runs anything that students can take ownership of, free from agenda and restriction)• Funding / Financial position, including the percentage of our extensive fees that are actually returned to student activities and education• Governance responsibilities• Rationalisation of any duplicated services that the University is offering, that is already being effectively offered through groups like WUSA and WUPA

The submission will form part of the review, which will also consider:• Australian Higher Education Sector responses to VSU and student unions/ associations: how the University of Wollongong compares nationally when it comes to adequately funding and supporting student unions/associations and independent services.• Student membership numbers - outlining how many students members the University Council has, and exactly how these members are given the opportunity to have an open and democratic say.• Space allocation - whether the corporate offices, meeting rooms, and parking spaces are really needed by University Administration to fulfil their duties.

WUSA and the students will be inviting other organisations - such as other student unions/associations, trade unions, the South Coast Labour Council and also the National Union of Students - to submit responses for this review, based on the submission prepared by University Council.

The University Council submission will be required by WUSA in advance so that we may pass this information on to these other groups. These groups are then free to pick apart the submission prepared and will be given plenty of time and information in order to respond in a way that best suites their own interests and agendas.

If WUSA and students are unhappy with the submission and findings of the review, University Administration may be replaced by another model - one that better serves the needs of students.”

To participate in the review of UoW, get in touch with WUSA: http://wusa.uow.edu.au OR come into the offices in building 11

H0 *

m J b t f

It’s important to be important, isn’t it? We all want others to think that we are members of an elite class of society that shuns lesser beings as mere riff-raff. It is without doubt, a desire that we all helplessly experience. Thankfully, there are simple rules for becoming a pretentious, pompous prat, and they are as follows:

A Yorkiepoo: Chewbacca's favourite cross-breed

friends with Jean-Pierre, the world famous foot masseuse, or that you spend $265 on a haircut, or that your designer Yorkiepoo dog is parented by show-winning purebreds? You must tell everyone over and over and over again.

By Cfiris Beamont

1 Every item you own must not be referred to by its

actual name, but by it’s brand. For instance, you don’t drive a car; you drive a BMW. You don’t wear shoes, you wear Gucci’s, you are not carrying a handbag, you’re carrying a Prada. Pretentious people always call things by their brand, unless of course it is a cheap and utterly embarrassing brand.

Pretentious people know this man

ends up making absolutely no sense. In order to maximise the aural impact ofthecommunicative spoken word, an intricate lexicon must be implemented. The principal objective of this is to confuse the listener into thinking that you are some sort of genius who has quite a firm grasp on the English language.

4 Speaking of language - pretentious people are not

satisfied with knowing just one language - no, they need to know at least four others. Knowing foreign languages will make you seem travelled and cultured. The more languages you know, the more humanitarian you seem.

5 Hang out at coffeehouses and read the culture and

arts sections of newspapers. Make sure that you are decked out head to toe in expensive clothing, because $800 suits, $300 shoes and a $100 hat make the coffee experience complete.

’t buy brand names - buy people. Louis Vuitton, Hugo

Boss, Guy Laroche, Este Lauder - all these people epitomise pretentiousness - so wear, apply and carry them.

7 Always attend premieres. It doesn’t matter what exactly

it is - as long as you are at the premiere.

8 Pretend you know the difference between a cheap

wine and an expensive wine. Read lots and lots of wine labels in order to familiarise yourself with peach wisps, grassy notes and oak resonance.

9 Lastly, brag until your jaw hurts. How are people

supposed to know that you are

2 Whenever you need to look at your watch - I mean

Rolex - to see the time, you must do the “ I’m wearing an expensive tailored suit and must flick my arm out to reveal my glistening, expensive watch” arm movement thing. Truly pretentious people will do the arm throw thingy even when not wearing a suit.

3 Invent and use big words in unnecessitated

circumstances, especially if it

Gaze pretension

into the life-giving cup of

By Daniel EastWhat I'm about to express is an ideology that will be misunderstood by most and reviled by some - for my part, I don't know, and don't care. The recent shootings at Virginia Tech were a tragedy. Yes sir. But then, the loss of any human life is a tragedy -this one just got a better press release.Now, I can feel you thinking that this will be a bleeding heart for the repressed peoples of out-of-the-way nation states and what you're about to read is the bad-news-damn-right- I've-got-the-blues western aphorism of "things are fucked up all over".In fact, some of you may have read the title and decided to read an article like that, because knowledge is power and power is choice and you choose to feel bad about those people in... wherever the hell it is... because it'll make you feel better, or worse. Whatever. Or maybe you're moved by their plight? Or maybe you're that reader who picks up the tert and reads it cover to cover - excuse me before I break my fucking back doubled in two with laughter, but it's a pleasure to meet you.In answer to those rhetorical questions: nope. You're not moved. You're barely interested. At most, this tragedy will obsess some for a month or two and in the university community there'll be a few livejournals that will post rants about how they sympathise. Perhaps we'll get some bad blogspotted poetry - god knows, the survivors need it.Let me demonstrate the rationale for my cynical belligerence with a personal example.The other night this very topic of conversation came up with a close friend of mine. We were both sitting pretty on a bottle of wine each, so the conversation was progressing in detours and self-obsessed back roads. Then the topic turned to this discussion. My friend is not exactly prone to fits of compassion - he accepts, he doesn't nave to care.His belief is that people are people, and to attempt to change them is to simply apply your structures and strictures onto them, when in fact your time would be better spent on just accepting people. Do or don't but hey, that's just the way it goes. It's an admirable philosophy that I have many problems with, but I see him as

an honourable man for maintaining this wise and considered approach. God knows, more people like him and this world would be a better place.But on this deplorable matter he expressed a great deal of sympathy for the boy who did the shooting,("his writing wasn't even that bad" he commented and those writers amongst us will appreciate this, but others will think it crass. Think of it more as 'wasted talent') for the survivors whose lives are now tainted and filled with guilt and remorse, and of course for the lives so cheaply spent in anger and paranoia.Now, I can't recall exactly the nature of my reply on the night, but I can remember the thing I said to him the next day in clarification - that it is too easy to feel remorse for these people; tnat to speak of this is as a tragedy is cheap, plastic talk. And I can elaborate on what I meant by that right now - that we do not care for these people, we care for their story, which (in the case of creative writers and uni students at large) strikes so close to home.We think 'this could happen to me' and are moved by our troubled, trembling flight from day to night.We romanticise these dead because we love them, because we love ourselves, because if we had such a tragedy strike us personally, god we'd be so... vindicated.How many of us will change our lives? How many will be so moved by this that we will assist the survivors, or alter our behaviour?How many of us, upon hearing this tragic news, will actually treat the people around us, those of us who lash out at others in anger or illness or fear, with a newfound sympathy and understanding? Hell, now many of us will learn the lesson that we can clock out anytime so why live life poorly or with studied disinterest?No one.Certainly not my friend - I know him, he's better than the most of you, worth more than a legion of bovine-eyea office drones, ana he won't do any of these things. Fact is, we use

m

this story to feel bad. It's the repulsive opposite to the liberty of leisure.Too much pleasure numbs the high- so we make ourselves feel bad, so as to heighten the apathy euphoria we currently get from this period of unprecedented hedonism. Choose a life. Choose a job. Choose a tragedy- buy and sell it at a profit, pass it onto friends. Let them know How- Much-You-Care™.

I can hear the moral soapbox being dragged across the floor as we speak. How dare I say this - How dare I belittle this tragedy - to which I reply: fuck you. Those of you with bleeding hearts and dry palms have already belittled this tragedy - with your milksop sympathies and your lukewarm compassion.Don't like it? Prove me wrong kids, prove me wrong. Go to Virginia Tech and join tne Back-Rubs-For- Survivors™. Or adopt a kitten and feed it to a starving family.Give the world a big old hug.Got that twinge of guilt ironed out yet? Don't worry, keep trying, and you will someday.

- what a goddam n tragedy"...the loss of any

human life is a tragedy - this one just got a better press release."

"W e think 'this could happen to me' and are moved by our

troubled, trembling flight from day to

night. W e romanticise these dead because

we love them, because we love ourselves, because if we had

such a tragedy strike us personally,

god we'd be so... vindicated."

Workchoices:

The Howard Government’s recent industrial relations legislation, Workchoices, has been a godsend for patriotic Aussie families. John Howard has brought Australia firmly into the 21st century by enacting a set of laws that resemble those of the 19th century.

The old regime of “unfair dismissal” laws were exactly that - unfair to the business owner. At last sanity has prevailed, and now, anyone in a workplace with less than a hundred people can be sacked for “no reason”, and in workplaces over a hundred people workers can be sacked for “operational reasons” (code for “the boss doesn’t like you”).

Of course, this freedom for business owners only benefits workers, as it instils within these people a proper discipline and respect for individuals with more money than them. The new arrangements encourage working people to pay proper deference to their superiors or face natural justice. No longer will people of lower status step out of line and challenge the innate authority of the financially adroit.

Workchoices also makes the sensible move of making it extremely difficult for union representatives to enter workplaces. Unions are evil institutions, and their representatives are greedy and deceptive people who only want to steal power from hard-working business owners and give it to lazy, undeserving workers. Business owners and other patriots all rightly hate and fear unionists and their corrosive effects of society.

Another benefit of Workchoices is the record low unemployment rate. As everyone knows, the quality of a person’s life depends purely on whether they are employed or not. The conditions of the job, such as rate of pay, number of hours, and benefits are completely immaterial; if you are employed, even for only one hour a week, you are lucky and your life is great. Under the new regime, we have record numbers of people whose lives qualify as “great”, without the traditional burden of having “great” living and working conditions.

Opposition leader Kevin Rudd goes too far in his plan

to roll back Workchoices. His changes are clearly a massive assault on the business community and every fair dinkum Australian should stand against this savage attack. He plans to place draconian restrictions on business owners, such as only allowing them to sack people for “no reason” for the first year of employment, or allowing workers to strike for short windows of time every couple of years. Basically, Rudd wants to return Australia to the dark times of 2004, when workers still had some rights and unions could be in some small way effective. Clearly, this is too much of a burden for the business community to handle (as they were doing it so tough in the bad old days).

The rich are a minority in this country, and are constantly victimised and scapegoated by the left-wing media. Workchoices should be seen as the first step in a series of anti-discrimination legislation to help stamp out anti­rich bigotry in this nation. It is long past time to codify the natural freedoms of the business owner in a Bill of Rights within theAustralian constitution. The basic rights of business and money need this type of formal protection to defend against the throngs of unwashed workers and greedy unionists. Without these safeguards, not only are the wealthy minority at threat, but so is the one thing that all patriotic citizens hold dear - the economy.

Beloved LeaderUndoubtedly, economicgrowth should be top priority for this country. Therefore, we must do what ever it takes to ensure the economy stays strong, no matter how inconvenient it is for people. Why should Australia’s international competitiveness fall behind just to stop its people suffering? Workers need to stop being so selfish in demanding “rights” and “dignity” and look at the bigger picture. They must think of all the patriotic Aussie businesses that will suffer if they don’t sign away their benefits and overtime in an AWA. Workers need to be more altruistic, compassionate and patriotic for this country to progress on the world stage.

Workchoices truly gives Australians what they want, even if they are too stupid to realise it. It took a brave, forward-looking hero like John Howard to peer into the hearts of his subjects and find their deepest desire; that being the desire to negotiate and compete for what they already held previously in order to benefit “the economy”. Only deluded, extreme lefties like Kevin Rudd see any problem with this, and their assaults on business (and rationality) must be stopped. The fate of the nation depends on it.

Ned Slade is a member o f the Liberal Party and a consultant for the Tony Abbott Institute for Truthiness.

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JnBpisnarky scholar am trash aw icrs CUIPE TO TRAIN ETln iirrr r l | | | f t

For you cheap bastards and/or those forced to rely on public transport for other reasons, you will know the horrors of the transit system. It is also likely you have noticed certain ‘aspects’ of the train experience that you are...less than pleased with. As seasoned train-goers of four years counting, we certainly have. And with each passing year, we become more bitter towards Cityrail and those who frequent it. In order to minimize the ways in which you undoubtedly piss off those around you, we provide you with a helpful ‘Do’s and Don’ts list for train travel.

/ Do turn your fucking V iPod down. Especially if you’re that guy dressed as hardcore punk who had ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time” playing loudly. Yes bitch, we could hear that. Not so scary anymore are ya? Also, don’t even think about using iPod speakers, fucktards. You have terrible taste, it’s pretty much a law of the universe than anyone who plays music loudly/on speaker has no idea what constitutes a decent tune.

X Don’t choose your ringtone on the train.

X Don’t shout about the fact you have a headache

and those girls speaking in abnormal tones are annoying you. Also, don’t get your 6-year- old (possible) grandchild to call them ‘fucking cunts’. Oh yeah, we all know that the “medicine” you were getting off at Wolli Creek for is in fact crack.

jC Speaking of that charming * woman, don’t name your

kid after Neighbours characters (in this case, Janae) who are

possibly bigger bogans than you are. It’s like the opposite of aspirational naming.

y Don’t be under the age of ^ 18.

/ If you are under 18 and ' manage not to expire under the power of our death glares, do go to school. I don’t care if it’s Saturday.

X l f you approach someone sitting alone in a two-

seater, don’t be a selfish prick and switch the seats so they’re sitting in a four-seater, just because you don’t want to.What makes you think they want to sit with randoms if you don’t? It’s hard to explain but an annoyingly common occurrence, to the extent that we just call it ‘the chair thing’.

/ Do wear deodorant.Y But don’t even think of spraying it on the train. It’s hard to imagine, but that smell is even worse than body odour.

Don’t talk to randoms, especially if they mistake

The Light Fantastic by Terry Pratchett for a “spiritual guide” and then proceed to spend the next 25 minutes telling you about how their cat died last week but it still comes to visit them and give them cuddles. Yes, this really did happen.

W If you ARE a crazy ' random, don’t talk to me

whilst I’m reading.

X Don’t be from Dapto. I don’t care if you’re from Horsley, it’s all Dapto.

X Don’t use the toilets.Ever.

<SD

/ If you’re on a diesel train* (and you know you’re in

Hicksville if you are), do push the button labeled ‘To open door, press button’. Kicking doesn’t help. Neither does standing there wondering why the door won’t open when you pull it. If you can’t read, go back to kindergarten.

J | Don’t get pissed on the* train before a music

festival. In fact, don’t drink at all, ever.

W Don’t catch the train* at 3am from Sydney,

because you’ll probably catch hypothermia from the ridiculous air-conditioning they pump, (kudos to Stevie for this one)

X Don’t leave your garbage.

✓ Do leave newspapers, particularly mX and

anything with the Sudoku not already filled in.

W Don’t push your way onto* the train until everyone’s

got off. Seriously, you pushers (yeah we went there) suck arse and upset old ladies.

Don’t take a six-seater to* yourself. Unless you’re

morbidly obese, there’s no excuse.

J y Don’t put your bike in the* aisle/in front of the door.

Did you even buy a ticket for that, you sporty fuckwit?

X Don’t talk about your sex life. We don’t care if

you banged a she-male and a monkey in the toilets of The Ox on Saturday night.

✓ Do let people off in front of you (we do like some

commuters. But pretty much only these people).

X Don’t be diseased. No-one likes your germy breath in a confined space.

X Don’t drink from the water fountain. It IS connected

to the toilet pipes. Probably. Think about how close the fountain is to the toilet. We’ve noticed, have you?

/ If you plan on embarking ^ on a career as a station manager, do actually announce the trains. Yes North Wollongong lady, this means you.

X Don’t let your brats run around and scream. Did

you not see our point re: under - 18s?

✓ Do stay behind the yellow lines. We don’t actually

care about your safety, but that automated voice telling you to do so is not a fucking coincidence and hearing it on loop shits us.

/ Do avoid the hobos. Yeah* this might sound snobby and harsh, but when a crazy man chugging goon from a disposable KFC cup tells you that you’re 14 and therefore should have popped out 3 or 4 kids by now, it’s time to leave. He also offered to be my boyfriend. I was 18.

✓ Do avoid St James Station. It is a scary

labyrinth place that is probably connected to the Arts Building.

y Don’t be a filthy* eavesdropper who laughs

at our conversations/our superior wit in general- we know we’re hilarious; you don’t have to tell us.

X Don’t go to that fucking beauty school in

Wollongong. We hate you and your overly-made-up faces, two- tone hair and pink Supre bags.

/ Do come onto our train if you are Clive the Slightly Too Loud Commuter.

X Don’t bang on the window to try and get

the attention of your friends outside. They just spent 45 minutes talking crap with you, I have an inkling that they still know you’re there.

X Don’t try to “bum a fag, mate”

/ Do be the Irish Station * Announcer Guy or that

Snarky one who smart arses his announcements. We love you.

✓ When the train stops and the lights go out for

no apparent reason, do loudly express the theory that you’re all going to die, thus scaring other passengers.

X Don’t get on the train if you clearly just saw

lightning hit the power lines. However, if you are as stupid as us, make up for your folly by following the advice of the above ‘Do’.

✓ Do scab a lift if at all possible. It doesn’t matter

if you have already bought a ticket. Some things are worth more than $2.20 and the promise of a stained seat.

y Don’t hassle transitofficers. Just buy a damn

ticket. Yes, they have heard every bullshit story that you could possibly make up.

/ Do warn me if I’m on the ^ Port Kembla train. I don’t want to be raped. Hey Port Kembla people, before you start your bitching to the editor, just ask

yourself this: does the train not go straight to the brothel, honestly?

X Don’t put your fat, oily head against the window.

I have no desire to catch your lice.

i | Don’t try to pick up on the* train, especially before

or after people are at work or uni. Everyone is intolerant at these particular times and this automatically makes YOU all the more unattractive. Instead, try and pick up on someone who drives.

/ Do partake in* embarrassing activities

that will entertain me. For example: dance to your shitty, shitty music.

✓ Do read quietly and/or stare out the window

blankly. It makes for a lovely antisocial environment for all.

✓ Do refer to the railway system as Shittyrail.

Obviously you’re the first person to ever think of it.

X Don't talkycrackle over my r conversation, announcer

person. The exception to this rule is if you’re telling me that I’m being propelled towards Port Kembla.

/ Do stand up for people* trying to get out if you’re

in the aisle seat. We hate fuckers who make you squeeze past.

y f Don’t write your Tert article * on the train, especially when people can hear you. People from Dapto.

WJ I IIHL'J Hey, there’s nothing; * wrong* with being a Virgo. It’s a perfectly acceptable lifestyle choice, right? I mean...

You wouldn’t want to *d ie* a Virgo, but you feel that it’s only right to wait for the perfect someone before doing naughty naked things. Virgos, you are good at sticking to your feeble philosophies. Some might find this pathetic, some are highly aroused.Your lucky colour this month is Glacier Blue.

Gods and Goddesses, it’s too awful for me to say! M aybe try rubbing ointment on it. Your lucky colour this month is inconsequential.

J U IS imtiSj The most emotional and mushy o f1 star signs, Pisceans this month willJ u 0 c r y to their friends on the phone like wussy little baby

emos about stupid things. Like that they saw a dead1 cockroach in the garage, and the poetry and tragedy \ o f death and suffering moved them to tears. You may V feel uncontrollable urges to write poetry; especially ^ acrostics o f words like NO TH IN G N ESS or BROKEN

HEART, but avoid this AT A LL COSTS!Your lucky colour isn’t Obsidian, even though you want it to be. It’s Buttercup.

II You feel a certain special feeling deep down inside o fyou this month. It may be your repressed second sight

trying to surface, or perhaps the consequence o f eating a bad taco. Try to keep cosmically open - let tne universe run though you ana avoid climbing things with barbed w ire on top.Your lucky colour this month is Puce.

Gemini Gemini, ah Gemini. You two faced little so and so. Things just seem to be going your way lately, don’t they? Even though you got to where you are today by climbing a mountain made 01 the broken bodies o f your innocent victims, somehow it all seems your divine right. Twinges o f conscience can easily be quashed by repeating to yourself ‘It’s all for the greater good. I ’M the greater good.’Your lucky colour is Pompadour.

___________ Sweet and honest, you are refreshing like a schoonero f syrup. This month people are drawn to you by your warmth and kindness, and stick around because they are mired in the cloying sap you secrete from every pore. You just have the knack o f attracting people (and assortedf insects) but you might find this iburden wearing you down. Set aside some “You T im e” and try a citrus-based solvent to lighten your load.

Your lucky colour is Auripigmentum

t—w W / Strong. dependable, eStrong, dependable, generous Leo. You are definitely the most Lion-like o f all the star signs. This month you may experiencecravings for fresh, raw gazelle carcass. I think I can mystically sense some grazing on the URAC football field. Life and lunch isyours for the takini Your lucky colour

I

t

_ ou crazy cat! is month is Red with Crunchy White Bits.

You’re just cruising at the moment. Your jo ie de vivre and flagrant disregard for international law makes you a great hit at parties, but sometimes you are left feeling a little directionless or lost. Consider having a GPS chip implanted into your arse so you can always find it, even in the dark.

hYour lucky colour is V iridian with Burnt U m ber Polka dots.

You may come into some money soon.entrelink may accidentally overpay you, but don’t run out and__ _ _ 1____ _ •___ a_1_1 _ _ ____ _ ~ .plurge on luxuries such as a new pen, triple ply toilet paper or i proper tin opener to replace that ham m er and chisel - you will have to pay it back. M aybe with interest. Stupid Centreknk.Your lucky colour this month is Spleen.

You’re just a nice, norm al person. You do not baulk atthe price o f a round. You donate twenty-cent pieces to buskers. You usually

i rinse m ilk cartons before putting them in the recycling. Sometimes you feven dance around to Video Hits in your undies on a Saturday morning.

abtGosh, aren’t you just swell? Too bad about the terrible fate awaiting you! Your lucky colour won’t really do you any good.

Avoid Geminis and their evil twins this month dear Cancerians. I f you are a boy, consider taking up a hobby like fashioning little airplanes from bark, twigs and mud. I f you are a girl consider a hobby such as unbending paperclips to make four-in-one chain mail. You m ay just need it.Your lucky colour this month is Antique Peach.

B e

Dear Readers, due to the overwhelming response of support from people such as my mum, friends and others whom I have held at knife point, I am pleased to say I w ill be

starting a Psychic Question and Answer section of my monthly horoscope. And as I mystically foresee that nobody w ill actually w rite in with questions of a perplexing supernatural nature,

I w ill be asking and answering them all by myself. But feel free to w rite in anyway if you

really want mutual respect.

Dear Mystic Gertrude,Recently my cat died in a motorcycle accident. I feel really terrible, as I was the one drunkenly driving the motorcycle that ran over Mr. Tibbies as he slept on the roof of the garden shed. Is Mr. Tibbies looking down on me from heaven? Does he forgive my horrible deed? Will we ever be re-united in the afterlife?From Guilty Cat Squisher.

Dear Squisher,Mr. Tibbles’s spirit turned into a tiny cat angel with a little harp, halo and wings when you killed him. He flew away to become a guardian angel, but not yours. Mr. Tibbies hates you, and when you die - if you go to heaven, which is looking highly doubtful - he will take out an AVO against you.From Mystic Gertrude.

Dear Mystic Gertrude,I love my boyfriend and my boyfriend loves me. We are getting married next month, and I was just wondering whether or not you could tell if we are true soul mates.From Crazy-In-Love.

Dear Crazy,Hmm... I sense many things about you. You are slightly unhinged and probably go a whole week without realising you’ve got your bra on back-to-front. This is fine as your boyfriend is a weird Beyonce fan who also has trouble with his underwear. By working together you can sort it out and live a happy life together, just as long as you never adopt a nudist lifestyle.

From Mystic Gertrude

Dear Mystic Gertrude,Are you really psychic or do you just make stuff up? From A Sceptic

Dear Stupid-Head,Mystics such as myself are like fairies. Our magic only works for those who truly believe. If you don’t believe in my spectacular oracular spoutings, I will never be able to help you. So go! Risk ignoring my sage advice, but don’t say I didn’t warn you when tomorrow at precisely three minutes to two you collapse and fall into a coma after ingesting a salmonella-laced chicken and avocado toastie from the Unibar. Sucker.From Totally Mystic Gertrude

1 4 4 ;

are many movies that have been made and there are heaps more being

made each year. So sometimes it is hard to find a list of movies that should be seen. Or at least a list of movies that is diverse enough to

include a bit of everything, from drama, to action, to anime, to comedy and from big money productions to lowly B-grade gems. Tom has endeavoured to put together a list that encompasses all of these aspects of the movie industry and for this reason you must watch them before Tom kills you.

Rear Window (1954)Director: Alfred HitchcockIn 1950-something New York, an adventurous freelance photographer finds himself confined to a wheelchair, in his tiny apartment, while a broken leg mends. With only the occasional distraction of a visiting nurse and his frustrated love interest, a beautiful fashion consultant, his attention is naturally drawn to the courtyard outside his “rear window” and the occupants of the apartment buildings which surround it. Soon he is consumed by the private dramas of his neighbours lives which play themselves out before his eyes.

Hitchcock, Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly. Does Tom really need to provide any more incentive to you uni bums? Tom doesn't think so. In Tom’s line of work, he has met many people in different businesses and careers. People who have access to you, who watch you while you sleep. Love the new bedspread by the way - how did you afford it, you don’t make that much money? Watch, enjoy, sleep well. Tom will know. Tom will be watching...

Blue Velvet (1986)Director: David LynchReturning home to visit his father, who is in intensive care at the hospital, Jeffrey Beaumont stumbles upon a human ear he finds in a field. With local police detective Williams and the local police department unable to investigate, Jeffrey and Detective Williams’s daughter, Sandy, decide to do their own investigation.

Now these are people Tom understands. If they were real, Tom would definitely be good friends with them or have a brief cameo in any film they inspired, like this one. Tom would like that - to be a film star. Tom would love doing interviews the most, just think of it, people would come to Tom, ask Tom stupid questions that Tom would answer by breaking their nose and/or arm and/or leg. Tom would be helping so many people to become better members of society. Tom loves doing civil services.

45

Trois couleurs: Rouge (1994) Director: Krzysztof KieslowskiValentine is a young model living in Geneva. Because of a dog she ran over, she meets a retired judge who spies on his neighbours' phone calls, not for money but to feed his cynicism. The film is the story of relationships between some human beings, Valentine and the judge, but also other people who may not be aware of the relationship they have with Valentine or/and the old judge. Redemption, forgiveness and compassion...

A judge that listens to the phone calls of his neighbours - that is solid gold. What Tom means is that most criminals have wet dreams about having a judge in their pocket. Tom is different; Tom already has a few. Tom loves this movie; Tom loves all the movies in the Three Colours Trilogy. Tom knows that you haven’t been watching any of the films, Tom has contacts, very good contacts. Notice how Tom mentioned judges earlier, they are not all. Tom knows some movies are hard to come by, Tom understands that all this means is that you are not trying hard enough. Tom must make an example...

The Truman Show (1998)Director: Peter WeirTruman Burbank is a normal man living in a normal town. He grew up to be a desk clerk for a insurance company, living an ordinary life, having an ordinary wife, an ordinary neighbour and an ordinary bud who pops in from time to time with a sixpack. But Truman is not happy with his life. He wants to see the world. He wants to get away from his happy- happy, ever tidy, nice'n’shiny little island town at the seaside. In reality, Truman is the main character in the Truman Show - the greatest show on earth - a show in which life is live. So, everyone around poor Truman is an actor with a little headphone in the ear. One day Truman accidentally bumps into a catering area backstage and gets pretty suspicious. His plan now is: Pretend to be sleeping and steal away...

A movie that questions what is real. Tom asks is a lie a lie only if you know that the lie is a lie? But if you think the lie is the truth, then does the lie that is a lie but you think is the truth become the truth? Tom will have to ponder this, it is a good legal defence. Perhaps Tom should take a survey, they seem to be all the rage right now. Tom has a list, Tom checks it, Tom finds out who has been watching films and who hasn’t. Tom comes knocking. Tom feels like Santa Claus, only he has real claws.

Blowup (1966) Director: Michelangelo AntonioniA London fashion photographer frolics with young models, then meets the mysterious Jane. He takes a photo in a park. Back in his darkroom as he enlarges it, he sees a suggestion of something in the photo he never noticed while taking it. Has a crime occurred?

This film is about the importance of one thing in the world, Tom believes. The one thing that sets so many people apart, something that some people have and die with, while other people would die to have it. Some people will just never get it, especially from a person like Tom, or other people who have achieved Tom’s level of notoriety and adeptness at the arts that he practices. What Tom is talking about is evidence. Pure and simple, this movie is about crimes and evidence. Did the crime happen if there is no evidence? That is for you to decide- Tom knows where he stands. Tom also loves the performance by the Yardbirds, a great band in a great film. IF this movie was made a few years later, it would’ve been Gary Numan. Tom loves you Gary.

Nineteen Eighty-Four (1984) Director: Michael RadfordIn the year 1984, rocket bombs and rats prey on the inhabitants of the crumbling metropolis of London. Far away on the Malabar Front, a seemingly interminable war rages against Eastasia. The Ministry of Truth broadcasts ceaselessly to the population via its inescapable network of telescreens. These devices pervade all aspects of peoples’ lives, are also capable of monitoring their every word and action. They form part of an elaborate surveillance system used by the Ministry of Love and its dreaded agents the Thought Police, to serve their singular goal: the elimination of ‘thoughtcrime’. Winston Smith is a Party worker- part of the vast social caste known as the Outer Party, the rank and file of the sprawling apparatus of government. Winston works in the Records Department of the Ministry of Truth - the section charged with modifying historical news archives for consistency. When by chance Winston uncovers incontrovertible proof that the Party is lying, he embarks on a journey to discover himself and what it is to live a world such as this

Tom says fight the power. No real criminal underworld can exist in this totalitarian state. Tom loves democracy. It is the reason why he is out on the streets doing what he does best, and it is the reason Tom is able to write these articles. Democracy is the kind of system that criminals would put in place so that they can stay in power (oops, wait a minute, that has already happened) while continuing to be murderers, racketeers and armed robbers. Keep Australia equal, keep it democratic, or Tom just might have to pay you a visit.

Pi (1998) Director: Darren AronofskyThe mathematician Maximillian Cohen (Sean Gullette) is tormented by a severe migraine since he was a kid, and he uses many pills to reduce his painful headaches. He is a lonely man, and his only friend is his former professor Sol Robeson (Mark Margolis). Max has the following assumptions, which rules his life: (1) Mathematics is the language of nature; (2) Everything around us can be represented and understood from numbers; (3) If you graph the numbers in any system, patterns emerge. Therefore there are patterns everywhere in nature. Based on these principles, Max is trying to figure out a system to predict the behaviour of the stock market. Due to his research, Max is chased by a Wall Street company with an obvious interest in the results of his studies, and by an orthodox Jew who believes that this long string of numbers is a code sent from God.

This is a movie about crazy people, plain and simple. Lawyers, they have no soul and would sell their grandmother to get ahead. They’re good if they are defending you, but really the scum of the world. And then there are the crazy religious sects out there - these people are impossible to deal with, they have no concept of how the world works. Tom says pay me or Tom burns your shop down. They say God will provide. Tom just doesn’t understand. Money and violence, that is what this world is built on, at least the lawyers know this.

M (1931) Director: Fritz LangA psychotic child murderer stalks a city, and despite an exhaustive investigation fueled by public hysteria and outcry, the police have been unable to find him. But the police crackdown does have one side effect - it makes it nearly impossible for the organized criminal underground to operate. So they decide that the only way to get the police off their backs is to catch the murderer themselves.

Tom knows, he has a family, and most criminals he knows have families, to most people Tom and his friends would just look like loving fathers. It is because of this you don’t want to know what happens to paedophiles in jail. It really isn’t pretty, even compared to some of the stuff that happens in prisons, even the worst prisons. This is a movie that Tom can identify with, it tells it how it is. We may kill and maim for a living, cut of people’s fingers and toes, break legs, drag people behind cars on chains doing 150 km/h on the freeway (Tom’s personal favourite), but we are still human.

'50 Movies’ will be continued next edition. Would you like to email our resident Godfather of film? Send an email to media@wusa.uow. edu.au and we will pass the message on for you. If you include your full name and address, Tom might even pay you a little visit!

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SCIENCEScience got a chance to show off its artistic side this March with two UoW photographic exhibitions going on display at Project Contemporary Artspace in Wollongong. “Photographing Cool Science” featured entries from the Institute for Conservation Biology and Law (ICB) Photo Competition as well as dozens of landscape and wildlife shots taken in Antarctica by ICB Director Associate Professor Sharon Robinson.

The exhibition was fantastic. Photos ranged from the beautiful - an enormous sacred lotus blossom, in such perfect detail it looked surreal - to the disturbing - an abstract triangular design that turned out to be spines on the skin of a maggot used to move through rotting flesh.

The photo competition was about more than just the images; each entry was also judged on a ‘blurb’ explaining how it tied into research. The winner, “Goanna #32”, was a shot of a goanna stalking proudly through its home in the Northern Territory. Since the photo was taken, he and the other twenty-odd radio-tracked lizards have died after trying to feed on cane toads.

And for those that like a little painless education with their art, here’s some tasty trivia I picked up: pollution can result in

GETS CREATIVEBy Stephanie Ruiz

And now for a shameless plug...The exhibition was held at Project Contemporary Artspace (255 Keira St, behind the Youth Centre), and I was really impressed by the venue. There was heaps of space, the lighting was (to the untrained eye) excellent, and it had a very friendly atmosphere aided by the cup of tea and chat I was offered while I waited out the rain.For all you artistic types out there, exhibiting at Project is (relatively) easy. Just become a member, submit an application and pay a small fee which becomes even smaller when shared amongst a couple of friends. The best part is that Project is an artist-run initiative, meaning there’s always someone who can give you a hand.To check upcoming Project events or become a member, get onto their website at www.projectgallery.org

(St

Im ages from www.ndesign.net.au/icb06/ - They look better in colour!!

less colourful wildlife as birds start using the pigments which normally colour their plumage to protect their health instead. And the sacred lotus is more than just a pretty face - it can heat itself up to 15°C above air temperature for days on end, and its seeds have successfully germinated even after a thousand years’ storage.

“Photographing Cool Science” was a rare chance to look through the eyes of scientists and get an inkling of why they do what they do. Not for the fame and money (which is lucky ‘cause I don’t think they get any) but for a chance to understand and protect these plants and animals.

That’s what the ICB is all about. One of UoW’s major research groups, its aim is to foster ties between science and law, so that current conservational policies on issues such as fire regimes and invasive species reflect the latest scientific knowledge. Not bad for science nerds, hey?

All the ICB Photo Comp 06 entries can be seen online at www.ndesign. net.au/icb06/. Archival prints of the photos can also be purchased, for details or orders contact Andrew Netherwood at andrew@ndesign.net.au

R E V I E W S‘Stephen Brodsky’s Octave Museum’ - Stephen Brodsky (Hydra Head Records)

Band site: http://www.myspace.com/ stephenbrodsky - Score: 8/10.When an established band goes on hiatus, it’s often as good a time as any for its members to indulge in other musical ventures. In the case of Stephen Brodsky, front man for American experimental Metal/ Hardcore crew Cave In, it's an opportunity to try something radically different from anything he’s done before.It’s difficult to imagine many artists producing a record that is as much at the opposite end of the musical spectrum as their “day job” as this album. Rather than echoing the aggressive beast that is Cave In, it is stuck firmly in Indie Rock territory.The Beatles, Jeff Buckley, Elvis Costello and The Flaming Lips all obvious influences.It may seem light on the surface, but it's far from substance-free fluff. There is also variety in the songwriting. ‘Sentimental Case' is laid-back, acoustic-driven, jangly Guitar Pop, and the melodies of ’Prove Myself are very memorable. The lyrics of the gently strummed ‘Ploo’ will surely win over the hearts of a few potential female fans as well.There are also songs with more expansive arrangements, such as ‘Red Headed Butterflies’, driven by all kinds of crazy harmonies and hypnotic percussion, building beautifully to a crescendo. ‘Spirals In Her Eyes' and ‘Kid Defender’ aren't typical songwriting excursions either, adding layer after layer but not cutting out the music's soul.Brodsky’s voice is primarily a soothing croon, displaying a healthy range without trying to overwhelm the listener by grandstanding If you love melodic Rock with a bit of substance, but that at the same time isn’t too heavy- handed, take time out and visit the Octave Museum.

‘The Arockalypse’ (Special Edition) - Lordi (The End Records)Band site: http://www.lordi.fi or http://www. myspace.com/lordi - Score- 7/10.

They’re Finnish, wear monster outfits, write songs about creatures of the night and won the Eurovision Song Contest last year. Meet Lordi, who write dumb, fun Pop Metal at its finest.To put it simply, Lordi are this generation’s KISS. Lovers of 80’s Glam ala Twisted Sister and W.A.S.P. will get a real kick out of the over-the-top keyboards and huge harmonic choruses of bombastic anthems ‘Good To be Bad’ and ‘Supermonstars’, both of which are love letters to 80's Arena Rock. The song structures are kept simple, adhering strictly to a formula. This can be the album’s downfall on occasion, but you can tell the band are having fun here, not taking themselves too seriously, and asking the same of their audience.‘It Snows In Hell’ is the corniest, most predictable ballad since KISS' ’Forever’, clearly showcasing the limitations of Mr.Lordi’s vocals. It’s all in good fun though, dripping with more cheese than ten Kraft factories. Songs like ‘Who's Your Daddy?’ and ‘Hard Rock Hallelujah’ have more hooks than Granddad’s tackle box, and you’ll be humming them days later, even if you might just hate yourself for it.The Arockalypse’ can wear a tad thin come the last few cuts, with a few tracks seeming like filler material. If you buy the newly released Special Edition you even get three bonus tracks, including the European hit 'Would You Love A Monsterman?’, but otherwise the extra material is nothing special. Lordi know their limits, and without these predictable elements and flaws, it wouldn’t be the same band. Obviously the fact that their music is about as deep as a puddle means it's difficult to give a high grade, but for what it is, it’s a fun listen if you’re in the right frame of mind.

Reviews by Brendan Crabb

‘The Fire is on the Bird’ - JacksonJackson‘The Fire Is On The Bird’ is the debut album from Australian hip-hop act JacksonJackson. I generally dislike everything - most especially hip-hop - so my expectations for the album were pretty low, but at the same time I was impressed by the album presentation and cover art (which features photographs of intricate assemblage artworks). It is quite bizarre, I must say. Throughout the album there is a lot of experimentation with sound, lending to the unique style of the band. The band mixes styles and genres, with influences ranging from jazz and rockabilly tunes to electropop. Most impressive was the track ‘Cats Rats and Pigeons’ (listen to it:www.myspace.com/jacksonjacksonmusic) which mixes a cover of The Pogues''Dirty 01’ Town’ to great affect. This would ordinarily offend and irritate me, but instead I almost appreciate the way this track has been pulled together (and the singer’s Shane MacGowan impression is delightful). There's certainly a high point when things are sounding good but the band gets ahead of itself and it all comes crashing down when the electronic beats kick in.Another highlight, 'The Future is the Past’ is a high-energy upbeat track comparable to something by Gnarls Barkley - one of the band’s major influences. The vocals are toned down in this track and there is more emphasis on the melody, which really works for the band.Aside from the *cough cough* hip-hop thing, these guys are alright and the unique and eclectic style of this album would surely appeal to a lot of people. Anonymous

‘Cassadaga’ Bright Eyes (Saddle Creek)

BY BEN MOFFIT

■T.LT's

‘Here We Go S ub lim e ’ The F ie ld (Kompakt)

Boy wonder Conor Oberst isn’t quite a boy anymore. At 27, Oberst seems to be leaving behind the self-obsession of his previous efforts, seeking something more important, more transcendent, something - shock, horror! - beyond himself. Enter Cassadaga, his most mature and accomplished record yet, is named for a small Florida town full of psychics known for its spiritualist bent. Following on from the brilliant I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning, Oberst builds on that album’s post-9/11 the-personal-is-political loneliness and goes for full-tilt sloganeering and - gasp - attempted political commentary.

The problem is, however, it all comes off a little hollow. Whilst the music is the lushest he has ever delivered, and his yelp is, well, the least annoying it has ever been, there is something missing. Oberst’s strength was always his obsessive self-analysis - no modern artist outside of hip-hop seems to have perfected it so well - but it is notably absent here, beyond the astonishing ’Lime Tree’. Oberst finishes the album singing sadly that “I took off my shoes and walked into the woods/l felt lost and found with every step I took" with only an acoustic guitar and some strings backing him up. It’s astonishingly lonely and disarming following a set of a-bit-too-polite muscly country-rock.

Whilst sociopolitical criticism is a brave move in the time of an almost second-wave of McCarthyism, there are elders like Neil Young who are doing a much better job of it. Oberst is being passed the torch - there is no doubt in that - but there are still growing pains that will accompany his rise. Let’s just hope he keeps them public instead of hiding them, because when Oberst is a car crash, he is a damn interesting one. Still, this is an extremely solid album - just not as good as we’ve come to expect from the one music journalists were once salivatingly deeming ‘the new Dylan’. I’m more interested in what the ‘new Oberst’ is going to deliver next.

At present, no-one in the world is doing glorious music as well as Sweden. Whether it’s the gorgeous genius pop of Jens Lekman, the jangly indie splendor of Peter, Bjorn and John, or the beautiful sadness of El Perro Del Mar, there is something in the Scandinavian water that seems to breed an innate sense of melody and melancholy. Axel Willner, also known as The Field, adds another name to this list, however he doesn’t quite fit the mould of his fellow countrymen. The Field deals with a hybrid of techno and shoegazer, and draws you in with his hypnotic repetition. Working with the same kind of minimalist house that German label Kompakt has made so popular, The Field rarely stray from bass-snare 4/4 rhythms, kind of like the anti-Aphex Twin. What makes it so compelling, however, is the instinctive understanding of dynamics that runs throughout the album: every song builds, and builds, and keeps building, until a blissful release.

There is an obvious debt to shoegazer bands of the nineties such as My Bloody Valentine and Slowdive in ‘Here We Go Sublime’, as well as the electronic-fuzz-orchestra of M83. Picking slightly familiar samples and obfuscating them enough to make them seem from another time and place, as if in a dream, each song reveals subtle layers upon each subsequent listen. Building the layers up before letting them go for a few moments at the end of each track, this album is like good sex - it has an amazing sense of rhythm, lasts just the right amount of time, is both familiar and surprising, and leaves you feeling satisfied at the end. Expect to see this on the end- of-year best-of lists.

Reel Big Fish - Our Live Album Is Better Than Your Live Album

The latest release from the Californian skapunk rockers best known for their cover of A-Ha's Take On Me’ (for the film ’Baseketball’) and their first hit ‘Sellout’.This double live CD & DVD set comprises many tracks from their previous 4 studioalbums plus a few extra concert specials, including a few more covers.If you are fans of the band, this style of live recording, then this’ll be for you, capturing the Fish’s music and musings in concert. That being the case, expect the usual swearing from drunk patrons and half drunk band members between songs, as they try to entertain you.The two cd's, titled, ‘More schtick than you can shake a stick at’ and 'Move fastly with the fast music’ contain over 2 hours of high powered music to get your feet moving. And that doesn’t include the full concert dvd that has some tracks not even on the albums.A must have for the fans of the band and the genre.

Wasei Geronimo & Love Guerrilla Experience - Outside

A ten piece rock/ska/big band from Kobe in Japan, comprising a standard 5 piece band resplendent with the addition of a 5 piece hom section. “Outside’’ is their first mini album since signing to a major label.A band of this size and type, you’d expect a big sound, and they deliver in spades.But they can also tone it down for some quiet and gentler sounds. The beginning of ‘Machine Gun Sunday’, the main example on this release.

‘Outside’, the single off the album, is their signature rock with ska sound, and best work so far. I was a fan from first listen, although, admittedly, I am a lover of this type of sound. That's not to say that the rest of the 5 track release is shoddy, no mistake there. They’re just different levels of good with ‘Outside’ at the top. Although ‘Planet Bound’ keeps growing on me like a wonderful rash. The Man Who Buys The World’ owes more to a big band groove than the rest of the album, while ‘Revolver’ has its roots solidly in ska.But no matter what the sound style, Wagero (as they shorten their name to) are a party and. I was lucky enough to see them at a usic festival and a more enjoyable or rockin’ half hour I have never had at a concert anywhere. A friend seeing them for the first time, and not a ska fan, came away wanting more. An instant convert.So what if I can’t understand some, if any, of he words. The same can be said of many bands, remember Australian Crawl.It doesn’t matter, the music is great, the energy is pumping and they have a unique style, if not a name, that grabs you. Almost guaranteed to get you moving. I look forward to getting my hands on their latest mini album just out in Japan.

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2 Cap ita l c ity o f Kenya. (7)3 Cough. (4)5 Spanish rice dish. (6)6 E ither end o f the yard o f a square-rigged ship. (4-3)7 W ind gust. (6)8 S tre tches o f sha llow water. (6)9 Garden pest. (4)12 Chem ica l e lem ent w ith the atom ic num ber 14. (7)13 T imeless. (7)14 Friendly. (7)17 E lection. (6)

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Prairie FireCoyote Eats His Daughter

Prairie Fire is the story of how David Curtis Stephenson, Grand Dragon of Indiana in the 1920s, met his downfall after he abducted and raped Madge Oberholtzer. Shorty, Steve’s driver and confidant, tells the story. This chapter is set after Steve invited Madge to his mansion, where he pressured her to drink alcohol and then forced her to come with him on a train trip to Chicago. Shorty has driven Steve, Madge and his bodyguards to meet the overnight train.

It was almost sundown when we reached the Indianapolis railway station. A stringy band of people stood around in hats and coats - the March air still had enough teeth to bite through thin cotton shirts. Most of them looked like Chicago commuters, heading back to Illinois for a week of work. Plenty of folk spend their whole lives in Indianapolis, but to greater America, ours is just a city where roads converge, a whole town made into a truck stop.

The sun dropped slowly down to the brown fields, its rays lighting the tops of the prairie grass. Around this time, dull colours turn rich and lend those flat plains a nostalgic glow. Even the stone-faced commuters were touched with a little pink warmth. Steve cast his narrowed eyes towards the horizon; his plump cheeks were in lull bloom, though that might have been the half dozen strong whiskeys he’d downed before we left.

Nearby, Klinck and Gentry stood like barrels of gunpowder, arms folded into muscle-packed frames. I watched from a bench as Madge shivered in her evening dress between them. Her hair had come unpinned on one side and her eyes were sunken and charcoal-smudged. Nobody looked twice as we waited in silence for the Monon to arrive.

‘Any minute now, folks,’ Steve said to himself, fidgeting with his pocket watch. Soon enough, heads were craned eastward as the distant chugging of the steam train whispered in our ears. Bags were shuffled and coats buttoned as people prepared to embark. Gentry kept a close eye on the leather suitcase at his feet. Nestled inside were four revolvers, one with pearl handles that Steve had selected for himself.

The Monon drew closer, sounding like an angered bull as its pistons pumped with gusto. It almost seemed to pick up speed as it drew nearer, but with a great deal of shrieking brakes it pulled to a stop at the platform. Heat radiated from the engine, a black beast streaming with condensation and covered in coal dust.

‘Let’s go, boys,’ Steve motioned to the bodyguards as he jumped up the train’s lowered steps. I put my hat

back on and followed behind Gentry and Klinck as they took Madge by each arm. To any bystander it would seem like the two strong lads in simple grey suits were merely helping a lady that was faint from illness or fatigue. But I could see that Madge’s brown eyes were almost black as they rolled drunkenly in her head. As she followed Gentry up the stairs, her knee gave way, but Klinck’s ape-like grip on her bare arm did not relent. For a moment she hung from that arm, before Gentry hoisted her up the last step into Steve’s private car.

In the comer stood a small bar, stocked with miniature bottles o f spirits. I walked over to the other side of the room, not bothering to take a second look. One good thing my Mick family taught me was to stay away from booze. The closest they ever got to the blood of Christ was watered-down grape juice. Steve, however, was about as dry as a lake. He’d pulled the stopper from his favourite bottle before I’d even paused to leaned on the wall. Raising his glass, he turned to Madge and flashed one of his all-American smiles.

‘To us, dear lady,’ he toasted, and threw back the liquor. Steve then took a crystal wine glass and filled it with port. Madge backed towards the wall.

‘Fancy a drink?’ he demanded, thrusting the glass towards her. A few drops spilled onto the Persian rag.

‘Thank you Mr. Stephenson, I do believe I have had quite enough already.’ Madge steadied herself with one hand on the berth. There was little other furniture in the room.

‘What’s wrong, love?’ Steve’s voice was aggressive, and he seemed to be slurring. ‘Don’t you want to have fun with Steve and the boys?’ He advanced, trying to push the glass to her lips. The train pulled out from the station with a sharp jolt, causing Steve to fall against Madge, pinning her to the wall. Her lips twisted as Steve forced the rim to her mouth, tipping the liquid down her throat. I could see that Madge did not want to have fun with the boys. But Steve has a way of getting what he wants, and I was in no position to disagree.

m

Klinck and Gentry had been swilling whiskey like pigs

drinking muddy water - just as it looked like the liquor might run out, they grunted their excuse to Steve.

‘We’re going for a feed, Old Man,’ Gentry said. ‘Want something?’

Steve declined, and they left in the direction of the dining car. I thought it best to leave him alone with Madge, as he clearly had other things on his mind.Steve’s a difficult man to resist at the best of times. And when he gets an appetite for something, you better hope you’re not the apple of his eye, because he’ll most surely want to take a bite.

I had no desire to run into Steve’s thugs again, so I crossed the narrow bridge to the economy end of the train. This car had no complimentary bottles o f Tennessee whiskey - just rows o f straight-backed seats filled with straight-backed passengers. The man sitting opposite me had the weathered face o f a cowboy, tanned like the leather hat perched on his knee. He didn’t talk much, so I sat there, listening to the rhythm of the train. Soon I heard another rhythmic thumping which seemed to come from somewhere nearer. As I concentrated on separating the noises, the train began to slow down, making it more apparent that the noise was coming from the car I had just left.

‘Damn trains,’ I said to my neighbour, ‘Can’t just go from one place to another without some kind of problem.’

The cowboy grunted but kept his eyes fixed on the scenery outside. By now the train had slowed to a complete stop and the thumping noise was becoming audible to other passengers. One man glanced up from his newspaper, looking at the door to Steve’s car with measured suspicion.

‘Well,’ I said too loudly, ‘anyone need some air? I got a window right here that needs opening.’ I did just that, and thanked the Lord as the sound of evening birds and insects drifted into the car. The cowboy still hadn’t moved an inch, so I followed his gaze out to the prairie.In the distance, I could just make out the skinny rump of a coyote, hunched over a small critter, most likely a rabbit. The prairie dogs were yipping nervously to their neighbours, but the coyote was more interested in what he had caught.

‘Lucky brute,’ I said, more to myself than the cowboy.

The cowboy’s dry lips parted to let out a reedy voice.

‘Coyote’s never lucky,’ he said.

I remembered the poisoned carcasses of those ragged little canines from my father’s farm and had to agree. Just when I thought he had no more to say, he spoke again and looked at me for the first time with his pale grey eyes.

‘Do you know the story of how Coyote ate his daughter?’ he asked me. As I shook my head, he let a smile escape from the comer of his mouth.

‘One day Coyote ran out of food, so he left his house

to go hunting.’ The cowboy pulled a leather pouch from his pocket and started picking out hairy clumps of tobacco.

‘Coyote was a lazy hunter, so he took his daughter, figuring she might do the work for him. All night he searched, looking for anything bigger than an ant. His daughter didn’t catch nothing either, and eventually Coyote got so hungry and tired, he came up with a plan.’ The cowboy paused to bring the rolled cigarette to his lips, licking carefully along the edge.

‘He hid behind a tree with a pine branch in his hand, and when his daughter came round looking for him - bam! He hit her on her pretty little head.’ The cowboy struck a match, lit the cigarette and flicked the match out the window.

‘She was dead, and looked mighty tasty, so he carried her home on his back. Old woman Coyote was busy making a fire and didn’t notice it was her daughter that Coyote was cutting up. As he boiled her meat in the pot, Coyote licked his hands.’ The cowboy took a drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke straight up above us.

‘Soon enough, the meat began to turn green and bad­smelling smoke came out of the pot. Through the smoke, Coyote could see his daughter. Then a voice started saying, over and over, “Pine tree, stick, Pine tree, grass stick.” When Old woman Coyote came in to see what was happening, she started hollering like a stuck pig!’ The cowboy chuckled, and I wondered if it was a joke I was meant to laugh at.

‘She knew her daughter was dead, and that Coyote had killed her. Old woman Coyote took the grass she had gathered for the fire and threw a match to it. Coyote begged her, “Old woman, don’t bum me.” But the house went up like prairie fire, and it burned until Coyote was dead.’

I stared back at the cowboy until I could no longer hold his gaze.

‘You know what they call Coyote?’ he asked me, not waiting for an answer. ‘They call him Old Man.’

The cowboy licked his lips once, then set his eyes back to staring out the window.

Twilight was slowly fading to grey, then braise- coloured blue. I left my window open and felt the chill night air on my face. I felt like a dry blade of grass on the prairie, swayed here and there by the wind. The train started to grunt and groan as the engine fired up and slowly pulled the train away from the coyote devouring his prey. As we picked up speed, the coyote disappeared into a sea of grass. I kept watching after it, even when we were miles away. Soon the black night outside made the window show nothing but my own face.

By M addy Phelan

AfT% 0 VI ’m talking to Nicolas Cage and not really paying

attention while he rattles off the names o f all the actresses he’s fucked. He’s feeding me some bullshit about sex being better when you’re famous because your sexual identity is preexisting in the Zeitgeist when I get distracted and start scanning the room. Most people are instantly recognizable, but there’s the occasional flash of anonymity uneasily pressing itself onto the scene. Hangers on, industry types, whatever. Considering what I’m doing here, there’s really no telling who these people are. Cage is counting now and it takes me a moment before I realize it’s a fuck-tally of actresses in the room. I stop him before he gets to twenty and ask him if he wants to do a couple of lines. He shrugs and we head into a cubical and then for a while everything’s a blur. I drink a little, pop a couple of pills, dance with Pink, spit on a security guard, drink a little more, sneeze on Pacino’s appletini, chain smoke, lose my watch, grin like an idiot, snort a line off Dakota Fanning’s stomach, wipe my nose on my sleeve and slap Kevin Bacon in the face before everything clicks back into focus while I ’m talking to Sean Penn.

I’m in the middle of a sentence I can't remember starting: “ ...that movie about, uh, you know...X erxes?” A long pause. “You were in that, right?”

“Uh,” he offers cautiously, “I’m not sure they’ve ever made a movie about Xerxes.”

“Sure they did. That guy was in it, uh ...w hat’s his name?” I click my fingers, “Sean Penn!”

“I ’m Sean Penn.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I extend my hand, “Terry Bregman.”

He eyes me cautiously for a moment and I’m getting

paranoid but eventually he clasps my hand and we’re shaking cordially, “So, Terry Bregman, what is it that you do?”

“I ’m kind of a scout, I guess.”

“Oh, a talent scout?”

“Sure,” I’m playing it cool, “I guess.” We grin at each other a while before I realize that he’s actually grinding his teeth and decide that I’d better say something, “Actually, I work for an establishment based in Denmark.”

“Oh yeah?” he asks, seeming a little more interested, “Like a bar or something?”

“Yeah, it’s kind of like a bar.” H e’s looking exasperated so I go on, “But it’s more like a brothel. We specialize in

' the, u h . I grasp for a tactful phrase, .formerly famed, i You know, former models, retired actresses, that kind of

thing.”

His smirk fades into a grimace.

1 sniff, “See, an actress might find that demand for her I has faded. Well, you know, show business can be pretty harsh. Fortunately the world of prostitution,” I pause a

| moment, “it’s not really as harsh.”

Sean Penn winces, spits on me and walks away.

I’m sipping at a weak mint julep when I notice Sandra Bullock walking past. We talk for a while about nothing and she asks me whether I’d noticed Robert Downey Jr. stealing pennies from the lobby’s vending machine with a coat hanger. Her dress is expensive but stained by a few mottled spills and I start feeling better about the moist speckles Sean Penn left on my lapels. Her makeup is fading a little so that I can see the creased circles beneath her eyes and when I ask her if she wants a bump she nods. We each do one and pretty soon w e’re half-dancing, half- twitching on the dance floor before we bump into Jodie Foster. She’s polishing a statuette that she won for a movie that maybe I’ve seen and I congratulate her. She tells me what an honour it is to be acknowledged and asks me whether I ’d noticed Robert Downey Jr. stealing pennies from the lobby’s vending machine with a coat hanger. I’m laughing a little at this before I remember my manners and offer her a bump. She politely declines, telling me that Meryl could probably use it. She’d been nominated in the same category and was apparently pretty choked up about

the defeat and I kick myself for not thinking o f her sooner.

Streep is holed up j

at a table by herself looking into an

empty glass and when I set up a line in front of her she

• *

i snorts it before even making eye contact with me. I snort j mine and we grin at each other like morons. “Hey,” I ask I her, “Did you hear about Downey Jr.?”

“Yeah,” she says, “Apparently he was flying on angel | dust and mugged Ted Danson in the bathroom.”

“Wait,” this stuns me for a moment, “Ted Danson’s ! here?”

She points him out and we laugh for a little while | but I ’m not sure about what. I ’m telling her that Fatal Attraction is one of my favourite movies and she looks at me strangely for a moment before she tells me that I ’m thinking of Glenn Close. I call her a liar and we laugh a little more before I hand her my business card and tell her

j to call me so that we can work together.

I ’ve ordered a whiskey sour with the egg on the side I and I’m screaming shrilly at the mystified bartender when I notice Marlon Brando standing alone in the back of the

I room. I decide to walk over to him and go to adjust my tieI but realize that I didn’t wear one having decided instead to | go for a cool ‘Tony Bennett’ vibe and anyway I ’m alreadyj walking. I start gushing to him and it seems like he’s not listening to me. I barely register that he’s barefoot before he leans in a little and interrupts me, “W hat’s one metre

| tall and green?”

“U h ...” I can’t remember what I’d been saying so I | play along, “W hat?”

“My lawn.”

I don’t get the joke at all and it starts to make me j uneasy so I look down at my shoes for a second and whenII look up again he’s gone.

My meeting with Brando had left my stomach unsettled I and jittery so I rack up a line and go about settling it. One’s not enough so I ignore the look of disgust I ’m getting

| from Helen Mirren, snort three more and pop a couple of ‘ludes. Everything seems to skip forward for a second, lilt silently and then roar past me like an underwater

I explosion and before I know it I ’m bouncing around the ! room. I introduce myself to De Niro, shiver in the comer,1 hit on Halle Berry, trip over what might be a dwarf but is I probably a child, take a sip out o f an ashtray, notice the kid from the Sixth Sense making out with Anne Bancroft in the back of the room, fall asleep standing up, piss on my trousers, take a drink to get the taste of ash out of my mouth and even though I realize I’m sipping from another ashtray I start to feel a little better.

I notice Brad Pitt drinking at the bar and sidle over to i him.

“Hey man, loved you in that vampire movie,” I ’m trying to be cool, “W hat’s Aniston like in bed?”

Pitt smirks at me for a moment, then coughs out a couple of smoke rings, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You’re Brad Pitt, man!” I assure him, “I ’m just asking the questions everybody else wants to.”

“I ’m Tyler Durden.” He says this with such empty dread that I start to back away and just when my steps break into a panicked jog I hear him yell after me, “I am Jack’s drug-fueled paranoia.”

I sit down at a table and realize I’m sitting next to Jack Nicholson. I offer him my hand and he takes it.

“Wow Jack, you look great!” I gush.

In fact he doesn’t look a day older than thirty-five and before this can trouble me he leans over and grins at me, “Name’s Jake actually.” A pause. “And I can’t breathe through my nose.”

I jum p out of my chair and stagger away, swaying to |j and fro as the crowd parts ahead of me. My vision tunnels

and focuses on the exit and even though my legs are dripping on the floor like molasses I make it and put my hand on the doorknob. I’m just starting to feel the cold air on my cheeks when an eager Paparazzo grabs me by the shoulders and asks, “Hey man, did you meet him?”

" “Who?” I ask, a little flustered. He points to a hulking | figure lying on the couch in the foyer and while he’s

ushering me over I tell him, “Brando? Yeah I met him.”

“Brando?” scoffs the Paparazzo, “That’s Colonel | fucking Kurtz man!”

When 1 look down at the blubbery mess of a man I ( notice that he’s bald and that I ’m as scared as I ’ve ever 0 been but before I can run he asks me if I found what I

came here for and I realize that I ’m just not sure.

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You rum ble as I sigh A nd yo u let so much p ass yo u

A s I try to g rab hold o f w hat is p ass ing me

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it ’s th e small th ings Jo e y ; triv ia l designs sm oothed ove r in y o u r d a te le ss s tu p o r

brush aw ay Icnotted ha ir s tu ck to my unbaked p a s try fo reh ead by nervous excre tions

dw elling in th is rock sh e lte r were y o u r own

p eep o u t the o p a c ju e windowo f y 1 o u r fa vo u rite enve lopeand g rasp my swollen b reas tsas th ey fill with milk,p red estin ed fo r the M e ss ia h ’s mouth

y o u ’re trem bling Jo e y ;re tch the c lo th fro m the w a te r p o tsp lash the ends, just a bitp ress fa b r ic to y o u r tw itch ing browwhen y o u ’re storm less, s it b ack down

my vacuum is the S a v io u r ’s room ing house yo u diminish with em barrassm ent

WANT TO HELP MAKE THIS STUFF?A Message from the Media Collective

The Media Collective - who are we??

We are a group of students interested in writing, journalism, alternative media, design and art. The media collective is an open space where any student can come along and collaborate to produce the undergraduate student magazine, the Tertangala.

The Tertangala is not meant to be an academic journal, but an alternative to the mainstream media. It’s a student-produced magazine that provides a space for students’ voices, as well as an independent perspective on uni life, news and various issues affecting students. The Tertangala also aims to be creative, quirky and entertaining, with movie and music reviews, vox pops, art, short stories and other fun stuff.

To keep the Tertangala interesting and relevant we need lots o f submissions and involvement from students! Send in your letters, feedback, creative work, feature articles, reviews or anything else you can think of, or come along to a media collective meeting and get involved.

EMAIL: media@wusa.uow.edu.au

MEETINGS: Open to all students. Wednesday, 2.30 at the W USA offices

©

Jon WalkerStore ManagerKmart store 4855Summit Ridge, Reno, NV, 89503

Mrs. Fenton35 Rasmussen StMoores Park, Reno, NV, 89503

Dear Mrs Fenton,

During the preceding six months our security staff have been monitoring your husband’s activities while in our store. The list below details his offences, all of which have been verified by our surveillance cameras and we have retained copies on tape.

We have repeatedly given your husband verbal warnings while he is in this store and he has subsequently ignored them. He replied to these warnings with rudeness and the response “while the wife shops here I will be here too!” We are therefore forced to ban you, your husband and your family from entering this store.

The following list details your husband’s activities in this store over the past six months.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other customer’s carts when they weren’t looking.July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Homewares to go off at five minute intervals.July 19: Made a trail of tomato suase leading to the restroom.August 4: Approached the service desk and asked to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-by September 14: Moved a ‘Caution - W ET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bringpillows.September 23: When staff offered assistance, he cried and asked “Why can’t you people leave me alone?" October 4: Used security camera lens as a mirror while picking his nose.November 10: While in the gun department, asked the clerk if he knew where the antidepressants were.December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme song. December 6: In the auto department, he was seen practicing the ‘Madonna look’ using different size funnels. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!” at browsers.December 21: Upon hearing an announcement over the loudspeaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed “NO! NO! Its those voices again!”December 23: Entered the fitting room for an extended period, and then loudly yelled “There’s no toilet paper in here!”

Police will be called upon any attempted entry to the store.

12 January 2005

Regards,

John F. WalkerStore Manager

Kmart store 4855Summit Ridge, Reno, NV, 89503

THE PEOPLE ON THOSE SHOWS MAKE ME SICK! THEY CHOOSE THE MOST SHALLOW, EMBIUONISTIC, FALSE PEOPLE THEY CAN, AS REPRESENTATIVES OF THE HUMAN RACE, AND THEN PUT THEM IN COMPLEHEY ARTIFICIAL SCENARIOS, WHICH ARE DESIGNED TO BRINS OUT COMPETITIVENESS,

GREED AND DISHONESTY, I.E.

THE WORST SIDE OF HUMAN NATURE,ENCOURAGING US TO FORGETWHAT5ft£AU.y IMPORTANTIN LIFE...

SO YOU DON'T WATCH THEM?)NO. THAT5 WHY I WATCH THEM! ,

WEIL EUGENE, HOW ARE YOU ^ THE MAIN THING IS IT MAKE5LIFE) FINDING UNI LIFE NOW THAT YOU'VE L SO MUCH EASIER, Y’KNOW? FINALLY GOTTEN YOURSELF A MOBILE --------Dunkin r - r ------ —----- ^ ..... .....

I AGREE, THOUGH I THINK SOME PEOPLE ALSO USE THEM AS SYMBOLS OF THEIR

SORRY, SOMEONES CALLING ME...THATS) THE THIRD TIME TODAY.,. r ~ T V

— r \W

SALLY... DO YOU PREFER EXAMS OK ASSIGNMENTS?

EXAMS ARE STRESSFUL

ASSIGNMENTS AREN'T SUCH A RACE AGAINST THE CLOCK

YOU HAVE WEEKS TO FINISH THEM... IT

DOESN'T COME DOWN TO A MATTER OF MINUTES

Assignment Drop-in Box

J h e basic anatomy o fa young liberal.

By Waldorf H. PrescxattM.D

Neck vertebraeEvolved (?) so as to be quite comfortable tilted all the w; back. Necessary when entire life o f this sitSpent looking do

their nose at others

Spine - Completely artificial inthis model, serving no purpose but to hold the porppous out oftouch head upright as inthe same waya toffee apple does, althougkinlh case th« apple is nctfen.

'Dense'skull for avoidingreality and a protect*’vebarrier gjgainst nasty polOccidents.

Shoulders- Entirely made out o f bone with no muscle mass, this is

helpful when it comes to 'shirking' responsibility

Place where heart would normally be in a welt adjusted human being

^ Hands - rta tfor branch stacking and stabbing your

colleagues In the back.

Knees - Designed For wobbling^ at the sight o f anyone other than a good straight white Christian, extra wobble intended for use around Muslims. Leg - Potentially good for

use by desperate cannibals but it seemseven they can't stand the taste.

Feet - the essential asset o f any other human being who doesn't get

riven around in Mummy's importedAudi. Useless in this model.

What is a collective, how do they run and why do we use them?WUSA runs a range of collectives centred on various issues. Collectives are basically

groups of people who meet to discuss, plan, and take action around certain issues. They are a great way to get involved, whether you are already passionate and knowledgeable or you just want to learn some more!

We want our collectives to be as democratic as possible, so anyone can join and have their voice heard. Generally there’s a form of facilitation to make sure that it’s not just the loudest or the most confident people who get to speak, so that everyone gets a fair say. This is usually achieved through the use of a speaking list. If you’re unsure as to the method of facilitation, or how a speaking list operates, just ask the person who is chairing the meeting.

Remember, uni isn’t just about getting your degree and leaving; it’s about getting active and getting involved!

IGjXDGGO^QDEDUCATION ACTION COLLECTIVE: MEDIA COLLECTIVE: STUDENTS AGAINST WAR:

ENVIROMENT COLLECTIVE: ALLSORTS QUEER COLLECTIVE:

WOMYNS COLLECTIVE:

Tuesday 12.30 Monday 2.30Monday 1 2 .3 0 On McKinnon Lawn (or 19.2043 if raining)Tuesday 1.30 Thursday 12.30in the Queer Space (19.0039)Thursday 3.00In the Womyns Space (Old 11)

For other collectives, contact the coordinator via and ask! All collective meeting times our website: http:>/wusa.uow.e<lu.au

email, or drop by the wusa offices information is posted on

Ispegni la teleaccendi i l cervello

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QE3G2570C?National R econciliation Week 2007

Enough! Say no to 40 years of illegal occupation of the Palestinian territories. Rally 1pm, Sydney Town Hall

Q 3 6 t i5 D £ D Subm issions due for the next edition of the Tertangala. We w ill be celebrating or 45th Birthday, so submit your articles, stories, poetry, artwork and letters to the editor asap!Email media@wusa.uow.edu.au

WUSA" BOOK SALEWUSA w ill be continuing the sale of the donated tex t books and novels we have stored in our offices. M ost of these books are still relevant to current courses and w ill be heavily discounted from their current prices.MONDAY TO THURSDAY, 11am - 2pm.

th e ONLINE BOOK>BANK XD

WUSA is the Wollongong Undergraduate Students Association. It is a student-run organisation that ex ists to defend the rights and in terests of students at UOW. WUSA also provides services to students, including:

7c photocopying cheap faxes free safe-sex products student w all planners free BBQs the Tertangala (Undergraduate Student M agazine)

Recognising the particular needs of students, WUSA also provides:

Representation Queer Space (A rts Building, 1 9 .6 0 3 9 )Women’s Space (Building 11, ground floor, behind Glass House & WUSA)Clubs & Societies Services for student groups on campus, such as an open m eeting space, computers, and equipment for loan- including bbqs, tables, portable PA, data projector and badge maker

WUSA also provides the opportunity for students to collectively organise and campaign around important issues through collectives. Existing collectives include:

- Education Action Collective- Student Against War (SAW)- Environm ent Collective- A llSorts Queer Collective- M edia Collective- Women’s Collective- Welfare CollectiveDue to the restraints VSU has placed on our student

organisations, we’ve made some huge changes to the Book Bank. We can no longer rim the Book Bank from the WUSAoffices, but we know you still want to get rid of those old textbooks. That’s why we’ve moved the Book Bank online. It’s really easy to use:

To sell/b u y old textbooks, got to:Simply contact the person selling or wishing to buy, and set up a meeting with them at uni or in WUSA, or come to some other mutual agreement. WUSA does not set or regulate the process of books listed on the website, and no longer claims any service fee.We can no longer accept books for sale a t the office, so please don’t lug them all in! If you have any books currently in the WUSA office Book Bank, please come and collect them.

W hat isiWTJSA?The Wollongong Undergraduate Students Association (WUSA) is a democratic, student-run union that exists to defend and extend students’ rights on campus and in broader society.When standing together, students are powerful enough to resist decisions made by the Uni and the Government tha t are not in our interests.WUSA has existed for over 30 years to continuously involve students in campaigns th a t protect and further our rights.Current students are encouraged to get involved in issues and campaigns tha t are im portant to them.

WHATiWUSATSTANDS,FOR:In recent years, students have come together at WUSA to campaign for:* The right to an education in a safe and discrimination-free environment. That is why WUSA opposes all forms of racism, sexism and queerphobia on campus and throughout the world.* Money for education, not warfare. The Australian government is currently spending $19.6 billion a year on war, while only providing $5.36 billion for higher education.

* The repeal of WorkChoices, AWA’s, VSU and

>e tails:FREE Membership OR SUPPORTERS membership at $25

How to sign up:Online: http://wnsa.now.edn.an/join

At the office: WUSA is located on the ground floor of building 11 (opposite the Dnckpond Lawn). We are open 10am * 2pm (Mon - Thnrs).

“Welfare to Work”, as they are all explicit attacks on the rights of students at Uni and at work. Ninety- six percent of students at UoW will work while studying, many of whom will hold positions with little job security and few rights.* Increasing the Youth Allowance rate. As it stands, the maximum amount a student can receive (including ren t assistance) is $ 197.30 a week, while the poverty line for singles is $333.45.* Student Control of Student Affairs, where students can have a direct say over the way their Uni is run and have their opinions heard on issues tha t are most relevant to them.

WHYfWUSAlOPPOSESiVSU:Under VSU students will suffer. Those with less money will be further disadvantaged and

increasingly unable to attend university. Unless VSU is repealed students will be unable to maintain university culture and essential services rim for students (not profit). Under

j VSU, education becomes a commodity instead of a right. It is becoming a “user-pays” system tha t is increasingly inaccessible and unfair.VSU is also designed to attack the funding base for student unions. It is a strategic attempt to destroy the organizations tha t students need to defend their rights as students. Student unions in the past have actively and effectively campaigned for change.

H y lWUSA is your union and the voice for your rights. That is why we w ant all members to not ju s t join but also get involved and active in campaigns. WUSA is directed by all those who w ant to have a say in how our union is run. All mem bers’ opinions are of equal value, with all decisions being m ade in an open, democratic and accountable way. WUSA provides a way for students to organise and campaign around Im portant issues through collectives. Open to all, these groups democratically decide w hat campaigns we ru n and the most effective way we can defend and extend our rights.

For example, when the Keating Government tried to make Youth Allowance a loan, student associations around the country fought and defeated the anti-student legislation. Students formed a large part of the opposition to war in Iraq and Australian refugee policy. They have fought and continue to fight racism, sexism and queerphobia on campus and in society.

STUDENTS NEED A N INDEPENDENT VOICE THAT ALLOWS THEM TO

DETERM INE, FOR THEMSELVES, FAIR RIGHTS & CONDITIONS WITHIN

UNIVERSITIES.

FOR EVERY GIRL WHO ISTIRED OF ACTING WEAK WHEN SHE IS STRONG, THERE IS A BOY TIRED OF APPEARING STRONG WHEN HE FEELS VULNERABLE.MJ0 ®Q3 l3 !n H ^CONSTANT EXPECTATION@ F L _____________________

GOSHm GM Tjm

L IFOR

EVERY GIRL WHO IS TIRED OF BEING CALLED OVER­SENSITIVE, THERE IS A BOY

EARS TO BE GENTLE,w e e p .

_ ~ m s s m ■m

GOMREililiTilON•DDE ®G0S7 M 7 'u®

©SIMMM^FOREVERYGIRLWHOTHROWS OUT HER E-Z-BAKE OVEN, THERE IS A BOY WHO WISHES TO FINDONE.I

© n c a y j s a m f l ® ■ o ® o m f ; ____

n M s s n i c a e ■ o c a ia i e a @ m L

FOR EVERY GIRL WHO TAKES A STEP TOWARDS HER LIBERATION, THERE IS A BOY WHO FINDS THE WAY TO FREEDOM A LITTLE EASIER.

RROVEIHIS

rt-ti r C A S b T U t A I S I m i

_____

W ho is 45 years old, has been accused of dep rav ity by W IN T V and w as quoted in

fed era l parliam en t?Nope, it ’s not Ju lia G illa rd ... it ’s th e T ertan g a la !!

The Uni admin wants to shut down the Tert. If this is going to be the last year w e can publish and print this magazine then we intend to go out w ith a bang. It ’s our birthday and w e ’re

i having a party. $end your articles, creative writing, reviews, 1 rants and artw orks to be part of the celebrations.

TO EX ISTo submit to the Bl RTHDAY EDITION simply send your stuff to media@wusa.uow.edu.au

before J u n e 2 9i w m m ■ ■ ■ MM MM MMI T H IS M A A S E TMAGAZIn w H » IS hmr I

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