Drowning in the Marshes: the Orthodox Singles in Theater
Transcript of Drowning in the Marshes: the Orthodox Singles in Theater
8 May 2011
“DROWNING IN THE MARSH”: ISRAELI ORTHODOX THEATRICALREPRESENTATIONS OF THE SINGLES SCENE1
Reina Rutlinger-Reiner
ABSTRACT
This article examines the phenomenon of prolonged singlehood in Israeli orthodox society on the basis of interviews and two scenes from plays performed by two orthodox theaters during 2006–07. These plays reflect thevibrant discourse taking place within orthodox circles2 on this pressing issue, and the article contributes to understanding of the orthodox singles' problematic statusin a pro-family society by combining analysis of the theatrical presentations and information gathered throughqualitative research methods: interviews, field journal entries, and observations. The inter-disciplinary approach adopted here incorporates the fields of gender studies, anthropology, literature, and performance studies. It allowed me to bridge the gap between the personal experiences I learned about in the interviews and the theater produced by the singles. Prolonged singlehood is presented in the plays as a religious trialfor unmarried adults, and their future release from theirproblematic status is in God's hands. This ostensible solution and explanation of the phenomenon enables singles to invalidate the communities' criticism of them and to subvert their own self-criticism.
INTRODUCTION
This article examines the phenomenon of prolonged
singlehood in Israeli orthodox society on the basis of
interviews and three plays performed by two orthodox
theaters during 2006–07.3 These plays reflect the vibrant
discourse taking place within orthodox circles on this
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pressing issue. The article will contribute to
understanding of the orthodox singles' problematic status
in a pro-family society by combining analysis of the
theatrical presentations and information gathered through
qualitative research methods: interviews, field journal
entries, and observations.
During the past five years, conferences on the issue
of orthodox singles have been organized by rabbis,
educators, and orthodox organizations such as Emuna and
Kolech,4 and the topic has been treated in the media as
well as in the academia. However, until these plays were
produced, and later in 2008 the TV series Srugim was
aired,5 the voice of the singles themselves was not
presented in the public sphere. Therefore the most
important feature of these plays is that they demonstrate
how orthodox singles deal with the communal
stigmatization of singles as failures and anomalies.
The plays use parody as a means to resist the
negative attitude toward unmarried adults, but they also
reinforce the singles' connection to the community
through their fervent belief in God. The theater groups
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differ in both their life styles and their approach to
theater work, but they end by transferring the social
problem, namely prolonged singlehood, into the religious
sphere. Prolonged singlehood is presented as a religious
trial for unmarried adults, and their future release from
their problematic status is in God's hands. This
ostensible solution and explanation of the phenomenon
enables singles to invalidate the communities' criticism
of them and to subvert their own self-criticism. If the
solution is in the hands of the Almighty, all they can do
is to act piously: turn to God in direct supplication,
pray ecstatically, and believe in His ability to change
their status whenever He wishes. It is interesting,
therefore, that the potential subversiveness of theater
has been transformed by these orthodox artists into a
fervent religiosity, a tool to emphasize mystical belief
in fate and Divine Providence. This idea was clearly
stated by one of the actresses, Tal, in an interview:
In the play there is a scene where I'm asked: "What do youdo in the meantime?" I answer: "I'm dealing with 'active waiting,' trying for it to happen." What does this mean? We try to make it happen. Then she asks, "What if it doesn't?" I answer: "There is Someone Else who directs theworld and the things that happen in it and although I don’t understand now why – I guess it is for my benefit.
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For the moment, the only thing left for me to do is to believe in this and not to sit idly. That's it. That's thework I have to do. And I believe it's coming near. I believe that tomorrow morning or maybe even tonight, this thing I am waiting for – will arrive and then every part of my life will connect, one by one, and I will understandwhy now is the best time for it to happen …” (Tal, interview, 2007)
PLAYS ABOUT ORTHODOX SINGLES
Three plays about orthodox singles were produced during
2006–07. The Shacharit Theater, whose members are
graduates of the theater department of Emuna Women’s
College in Jerusalem,6 produced a play called “In Sadness
You Will Date Men” (Be’etzev Te’zeey Im Banim). They performed
11.I would like to thank Talpiot Academic College for its support of this research.2. I use the term “orthodox” to designate national-
religious orthodox Jewish society; the nature of
this society will be explained later in the article.3. I deal here with only two of them since the Amuka
Theater was stand-up comedy rather than a play.4. Two orthodox women's organizations.5. A sitcom directed by two orthodox graduates of
the orthodox school for cinema, Be'maale, Hava Divon
and Eliezer Shapira. It was well accepted by secular
and orthodox viewers and instigated many public
discussions.6. This is the only all-women orthodox college with
a theater department.
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for all-women audiences all over Israel for over four
years.7 The second group called the Heref Ayin theater,
the only mixed orthodox theater group, whose members are
men and women, produced a play “For the Sake of
Unification” (Leshem Yihud) for the Akko Festival of
Alternative Theater in 2006. A third group, not discussed
in this article, called “Amuka”, an all-men group,
produced a stand-up comedy called “Miracles and Marriage”
(Nissim Venisuin).8 The two theater groups discussed in this
article (Shaharit and Heref Ayin) represent two sectors
of Israeli orthodox society. The first, all-women group
Shacharit is more observant and belongs to the Hardali
faction, while the other, a mixed theater group of men
and women, Heref Ayin, associates itself with the more
liberal faction known as modern orthodoxy.9
METHODOLOGY
The inter-disciplinary approach adopted here incorporates
the fields of gender studies, anthropology, literature,
and performance studies. Semiotic analysis of the
theatrical production included examination of the
staging, choice of props, lighting, costumes, and music.
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This was combined with phenomenological analysis of the
theatrical events and also with literary analysis of the
scripts, press reviews about the plays, and articles
about the topic of extended singlehood in Israeli
orthodox society. The two theater groups gave me
videotapes of their performances and provided the scripts
so I could recapture the theater experiences. Blending
methodology from literature and theater studies with
those connected to the social sciences widened the range
of relevant data and exposed many underlying intricacies
of the social phenomenon as presented through art. By
adopting Chaney's view that "studies of representation in
7. By that time the actresses, all in their
thirties, had married.8. They chose the site of pilgrimage to a tomb in
the Galilee where singles pray to find a match, as
their group’s name. I will not be dealing with their
production.9. One of the principles each actor and actress had
to agree with when joining this group was that if
they were in doubt about halakhic issues they would
not consult a rabbi but rather deal with the problem
within the group itself. Orthodox society will be
discussed later in the article.
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general see themselves as 'deconstructing' social
phenomena",10 the plays were analyzed as a means to gain
insights into orthodox singles' society in general and
for examining it from a variety of perspectives.
I also employed qualitative research methods when I
engaged in ethnographic work. I recorded, transcribed,
and analyzed formal, in-depth interviews and spontaneous
conversations with actors, actresses, and the director of
one of the plays. By keeping a field journal of my
personal observations of the plays as well as the
interviews, I became aware of my own subjective reactions
as a participant observer examining the artistic
presentation of social phenomena. As I was already
familiar with methods of feminist ethnography,11 I felt
comfortable sharing my analysis with the informants.
Their comments have been woven into the final analysis of
10. David Chaney, Cultural Change and Everyday Life
(Basingstoke, UK and New York, 2002), 4.11. I engaged in this type of fieldwork in my
previous research on orthodox women's theater in
Israel, The Audacity of Holiness: Orthodox Women's Theater in
Israel (Jerusalem, 2007) [Hebrew], which is presently
being translated into English.
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the article dealing with complexities of prolonged
orthodox singlehood in Israel and their theatrical
representations. These inter-disciplinarian research
methods enabled bridging the gap between the personal
experiences I learned about in the interviews "to the
broader, less tangibly graspable spaces of public
culture".12
THE PROFILE OF MY INFORMANTS
In this study, I put more emphasis on analysis of the
scenes from the plays than on ethnography. Interviews
were conducted with ten orthodox singles, seven of whom
were women in their late twenties or early thirties, most
of them actresses or students in Emuna College in
Jerusalem, the only orthodox college with a theater
program and with one woman in her mid-thirties who was
about to become a single parent.13 I also interviewed
three single men of the same age, including an actor in
one of the plays mentioned later. All of those
12. Chaney, Cultural Change and Everyday Life, 98.13. She received a sperm donation from a religious
homosexual who intended to share parenthood
responsibilities with her.
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interviewed defined themselves as national religious or
modern orthodox and had all received the same kind of
upbringing and had followed the same path: after
graduating from orthodox single-sex high schools they
studied in a single-sex higher center of Jewish studies
(yeshivas or midrashot for the women), served full
military or national service, and then carried on
studying in academic institutions. I also interviewed the
head of the well-known voluntary orthodox matchmaking
service called Yashfe, Haim Falk, whose articles have
been posted on the Internet and will be mentioned later.
NATIONAL RELIGIOUS/ORTHODOX SOCIETY
Outwardly, orthodox society appears to be homogeneous,
but a closer look reveals that it is composed of many
segments with different ways of life, political opinions,
and beliefs, as well as different styles of dress.
However, the boundaries among these segments may be
fluid, and contacts among them are dynamic, open to
trends of thought from within and from without.14 Modern
orthodoxy seeks to combine strict observance of Halakha
with integration into the general national culture. This
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community grew up under the influence of the ideology of
the Mizrachi Movement,15 which evolved into the (now
defunct) National Religious Party. In relation to the
Jewish religion, it places itself in the middle, between
ultra-orthodox and liberal streams of Judaism (which are
a negligible presence in Israel, unlike in North
America). This middle way demands considerable ability to
maneuver, openness, and flexibility, along with great
diligence in keeping the commandments. The other streams
in Israeli society – the ultra-orthodox, on the one hand,
and secular Jews, on the other – offer clearer
ideologies, and consequently to some degree they are more
seductive. In fact, the modern orthodox Jew deviates from
the traditional Halakha in three areas: the status of
women, relations between men and women, and the attitude
toward secular culture. This deviation derives from deep
commitment to universal human values such as equality and
freedom. Rabbi Ronen Luvitz, one of the rabbis of this
sector, claims that “Modern orthodoxy is not concerned so
much with rebellion as with the search for a spiritual
path in the post-modern age, and therefore it opposes a
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one-dimensional world and seeks to make possible a life
of Torah along with a life of the spirit and culture of
our times.”16 Rabbi Daniel Sperber, also a university
professor, adds, “Accordingly, I propose that we restore
halakhah to its glory by reverting to the old ways of
reaching decisions; that we strive to increase
recognition of the maxim that, in fact, “the force of
permissive ruling is paramount”; and that we enhance
sensitivity to questioners by personalizing responses,
taking account of their effects on the questioner’s life.
All this must be done, of course, within the framework of
traditional, normative halakhah, as it has come down to us
through the utterances and writings of the great halakhic
scholars through the generations."17
In the past decade, the national religious orthodox
community in Israel has become more diverse and complex.
New Age and Hassidic practices have become part of
religious services (liturgy) and also of life styles and
discourse of many young members in this society.18 The
influx of newly religious [Hozrim Betshuva]19 within the
community has also become influential. While in the past,
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newly religious artists abandoned their art when joining
the “ranks” of orthodox society,20 today these artists
legitimize their artistic endeavors as a means to express
their devotion to Judaism.21
14. Orthodox society is aware of its own diversity,
and it is no coincidence that many terms are used by that
society to characterize the sub-groups within it. Among
others there are: hazbatnikim [people new to the religion,
hozrim biteshuva]; datlashim [former orthodox now secular],
hardalim [ultra-orthodox Zionists]; benishim [yeshiva
students, bnei-yeshivot], gushnikim [people connected with
the Gush Etzion yeshiva], Hasidei Bratslav, who study the
teachings of Rabbi Nahman of Bratslav, and Merkaznikim, who
are connected with the Merkaz Harav Yeshiva in Jerusalem.16. Ronen Luvitz, "Man (again) Seeking Meaning," Daot
7 (2000): 20 [Hebrew].15. This movement was founded in 1902. Its basic
ideas, formulated by, among others, Rabbi Yitzhak Ya’akov
Reines (1839–1915) include acceptance of Zionism as a
tool for preserving the Torah and the Jewish people. It
sought to expand religious feeling within Zionism and to
accentuate the connection between the Jewish people, the
Land of Israel, and the Torah.17. Daniel Sperber, "Friendly Halakha and the
Friendly 'Poseq’," The Edah Journal, A Forum of Modern Orthodox
Discourse, 5 (Sivan 5766) 2.
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In addition, orthodox feminism has encouraged many
women to become more expressive and active in the public
domain as well as in the religious sphere. Women’s prayer
groups exist in some communities and many young women
attend thriving higher education centers [midrashot] in
order to study the Jewish canon intensively. Women
litigators appear in rabbinical courts, and social and
political activism is encouraged by most educators and
community leaders. The orthodox women's organization
Kolech works intensively to improve orthodox women's
status in society and deals with injustices that women
encounter, especially in legal situations. Theater can be
http://www.edah.org/backend/coldfusion/journal_images/eda
h_journal_5_2_updated.pdf18. Because many young Israeli orthodox youth have
traveled to the East after their national or military
service.19. All explanations in square brackets have been
added by author.20. Famous performers such as Uri Zohar and Pupik
Arnon, no longer performed after becoming ultra-orthodox.21. Some famous performers are Shuli Rand, Irit
Sheleg-Neriya, and Ehud Banai.
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considered another means for conscious raising
activities, self-expression, and activism.
WHAT IS ORTHODOX THEATER?
Theater created by orthodox Israelis in the past two
decades differs in its aims, content, and also its
audiences from secular Israeli theater. Most orthodox
actors, directors, and playwrights feel that they are
establishing an alternative to the secular Israeli
theater, which they find crude and abusive. For that
reason, instead of performing plays from the Western
repertoire or searching for suitable material in theater
archives, they write their own plays. In many cases, they
base their plays on texts from the Jewish canon (from the
Bible, from prayers, from the Talmud, Midrash, and other
rabbinic sources) as we will see in the case of the play
Leshem Yihud discussed in detail below. Even if they deal
with mundane topics – life histories, social issues such
as domestic abuse or marital strife,22 and even political
right wing ideology23 – the texts are rich with references
to the Jewish canon. Secular audiences, the Israeli
artistic hegemony, are not interested in these
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performances and find them lacking in dramatic action and
professionalism. When they do acknowledge orthodox
theatrical endeavors, in the framework of fringe theater,
they do so as patrons of the arts and adopt a
supercilious position, which marginalizes orthodox
theater even more.24
Orthodox theater must also be analyzed in the
context of dynamic Israeli current events – Prime
Minister Rabin's assassination in 1995, by Yigal Amir, a
religious, right wing law student, caused a rift in
Israeli society. Ten years later, in 2005, the
disengagement from Gaza affected many national religious
settlers' lives.25 These two major political events have
widened the gap between the orthodox national religious
community, which tends to be right wing, and secular
Israelis, many of whom hold left wing political views.
The reaction of right wing orthodox society has been to
create social enclaves within cities and establish their
own settlements in the West Bank and the Galilee, where
they have organized an educational system that largely
ignores Western culture. The series of compensating
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actions within the crisis-ridden orthodox community26
include a search for new modes of spirituality and a
surge of artistic creativity, which serve as a
counterculture27 to the Israeli secular culture.
Those who create and perform have had to contend
with traditional opposition to theater, which appears as
early as the Talmud (Bavli Avoda Zara, 8b and Bavli
Shabbat 150a) when the Sages warned that “theaters and
circuses" were places of idol worship, of sitting with
frivolous people, and a waste of time that should be
devoted to Torah study. That opposition seeped deep into
22. Noa Ariel's puppet theater Domem Medaber [Objects
Talking], dealt with these topics and Rachel Keshet is now
(2011) performing in a play about sexual harassment in
the orthodox society called Zot Omeret.23. Dancing with the Wolves, street theater based on the
famous fairy tale of The Three Little Pigs as an allegory to
what may happen after the disengagement; Naomi performed
by students of Emuna College; and At the End of the Rope/Region
(in Hebrew the same word hevel), a play about prospects of
relinquishing the Gaza area performed by women of the
settlements there.24. See the discussion on the citation given to the
Dosiyot and by judges of the Akko Festival competition in
2001 in my book The Audacity of Holiness, 231–2.
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the Jewish consciousness and restricted theatrical
activity to festive occasions such as the Purimshpil,28
Hanukkah plays, and wedding jesters. Although the Yiddish
theater began to develop in Eastern Europe in the second
half of the nineteenth century, it was secular and
anchored in mundane Jewish life; its source was the
Enlightenment that penetrated the Jewish community.
Theater in Eretz Yisrael was initiated at the beginning
of the twentieth century by idealistic teachers of Hebrew
25. In the summer of 2005, the disengagement from
Gaza took place and about 8,000 settlers in the area,
most of whom were orthodox, were displaced; until now
many have not yet established new permanent homes.26. I adopt Victor Turner's terminology about “social
dramas”.27. A religious school for movies, Be'maale, a
department for Dance in the orthodox women's college
Orot, and lately also a dance group of orthodox men Kol
Azmotai Tomarna; Literary journals Dimuy and Masheev
Haruach are devoted to orthodox artists and there are more
graduates of art and theater in the women’s colleges
Emuna and Talpiot who participate in exhibitions. Music
composed and performed by orthodox musicians is
flourishing. See David Sperber, "Israeli Art Discourse
and the Jewish Voice," Images 4 (2010): 109–31.
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and new settlers from Eastern Europe and envisaged as a
means of reinforcing Zionist ideology and reviving the
Hebrew language. It, too, aroused the rabbis' opposition.
Thus in orthodox circles, theater was limited to school
or family festivities.
Nevertheless, in the late 1990s, groups of orthodox
women who had not even been formally or professionally
trained, followed later by orthodox men, began performing
throughout Israel, mainly in halls that were filled with
orthodox audiences. The theater groups were composed
exclusively of either men or women, and only one mixed
group existed for a period of three years. This
grassroots activity coincided with initiatives of
orthodox artists in other fields such as literature,
painting, music, and even dance. Theater departments
opened in orthodox high schools and orthodox teachers
28. “Shpil” in Yiddish (cognate with German Spiel)
refers to a popular, satirical skit presented on the
Purim holiday. Central to it are the characters of
Mordecai and Esther or other biblical figures. The genre
developed during the Haskala (nineteenth century
enlightenment) period, and Yiddish theater grew out of
it.
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were much in demand. As a result, Emuna College opened a
theater program for future teachers. Because of Halakhic
restrictions, most orthodox women perform in front of
all-women audiences29 – while men can perform freely in
front of mixed audiences of men and women, since there
are no restrictions on men's use of body and voice in the
public sphere.
Many orthodox performers have recruited rabbinical
authorities to legitimize their occupation. More
observant, all-women theater group members wish to
maintain modest behavior in the theater as in the rest of
their lives, so they consult rabbis during rehearsals not
only on the way to perform on stage modestly but also on
how to interpret texts. Many orthodox artists consider
their theater as "holy work" and so rabbis encourage and
29. Such as "the use of voice in public", the fact
that women engage in attracting attention. A whole
booklet of Rabbinic responsa has been published by Emuna
College, which stipulates guidelines about how to move,
dress, and engage in protest theater that is not
malicious. No such booklet has been published for men.
Yet some orthodox groups performed in front of “mixed”
audiences of men and women.
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promote these initiatives as educational and promoting
fear of God (Yirat Shamayim). Other artists consider
theater a safe space where they can expose social
malaise, with the hope that by bringing up intimate
topics in the public sphere an open, honest, corrective
discourse will follow and social problems such as abuse
against women, sexual harassment, and stigmatization of
singles will be effectively addressed by the
establishment: rabbis and educators.
In many plays actors and actresses recite prayers,
sing traditional songs whose lyrics are taken from the
Bible or from prayers, engage in ritual activities such
as putting on a tallit and tefillin, or perform the
ritual washing of hands (netillat yadayim) as part of the
dramatic action onstage. The secularization of rituals by
presenting them onstage as dramatic action demystifies
them and "creates a world of imagery that can be used to
subject Judaism to a critical but loving examination."30
BACKGROUND INFORMATION ABOUT ORTHODOX SINGLES
30. See page 129 in David Sperber, "Israeli Art
Discourse and the Jewish Voice,” Images 4.1 (2010): 109–
31.
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In the past, the Israeli orthodox society ignored
familial, social problems. But since the phenomenon of
extended singlehood is growing, many articles about
unmarried adults, divorces, and agunot31 have been
published in the orthodox press and in Shabbat
pamphlets.32 The topic is the focus of sermons delivered
by rabbis and educators. According to the statistics
published by Haim Falk, head of the matrimony bureau
"Yashfe", there are more than 57,000 unmarried members in
the community within the age range of 25–41.33 Falk has
recruited more than a hundred voluntary matchmakers in
order to solve this problem. There are blogs and active
forums dealing with singles on orthodox Internet sites
such as Kippa and Datili, and a special place in the
secular portal of Tapuz. Empowerment workshops, support
groups, and public prayers at the Western Wall have been
held to deal with what heads of the community, social
workers, and orthodox social organizations consider the
problem.34
The issue is different for the sub-groups in orthodox
society. For example, the more observant young adults
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refrain from any intimacy with the opposite sex until
marriage, so dating is for marriage purposes only. This
creates tension and awkwardness.
I know that I'm checking him out on the phone instead of wasting my time. I even tell him I want to ask a few questions: What are you looking for? What am I looking for? How do you define yourself? What kind of previous connections did you have? … otherwise it is a waste of time. Talking about the weather is a waste of time …. (Tal, interview, 2007)
On the other hand, many more liberal, modern orthodox
young singles in their late twenties and thirties adopt a
dynamic life style that includes professional progress
and intensive social contacts between men and women.
According to single women I interviewed, the problem lies
with men's reluctance to commit:
There were two forty-year-old men in my life and they both wanted to be fathers. But they both thought that their ability to reproduce was unlimited and they didn't want to obligate themselves – I know that they're still looking around. There is a big gap between the men's desire for a family and their actual settling down. (Ronit, interview, 2007)
Men think that a woman is a kind of fantasy. So I had nothing to communicate with them because I felt they were on the lookout for my faults. They have a kind of fantasy and they're looking for it. It's not like you are embarking on a new path … . Stop judging – put this aside … (Nena, interview, 2007)
Some singles dare to challenge rabbis and the more
conservative factions of orthodox society with demands to
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change the traditional prohibition against premarital
sex, single parenthood, and cohabitation prior to
marriage.35
THE MARSHES
The two scenes from the plays discussed in this article, 31. Women whose husbands have disappeared (e.g., if
they are presumed dead but their bodies were never found)
or abandoned them without granting them a divorce are
forbidden by Jewish law to remarry and are called agunot.32. There are even separate pamphlets dealing with
the portion of the week geared especially for singles
“Zoog o Peret” [“Even or Odd”] with articles by rabbis
and psychologists. They deal with the portion of the week
but also refer specifically to issues connected to
singles and courtship.33. Haim Falk, "More bachelors than spinsters but the
[statistical] table lies," Ynet, 24 May 2007 [Hebrew].34. On 10 October 2005, a public prayer assembly was
attended by 2,500 singles and prominent rabbis at the
Western Wall. Special prayers for a match were composed
by prominent rabbis and recited together in the afternoon
service.
http://www.primetime.co.il/community/showthread.php?
t=14758 In April 2006 Emuna sponsored a well-attended
conference at Bar Ilan University offering singles,
engaged couples, and newly-weds workshops and lectures
and panels on the topic. A workshop was also organized by
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as well as the sitcom Srugim, present the problems of
orthodox singles who live in dynamic social enclaves
nicknamed "marshes".36 These are particular neighborhoods
mainly in Jerusalem (Katamon and Nachlaot) and in Givat
Shmuel (near Bar Ilan University) where orthodox singles
mingle quite freely and engage in social interaction with
the other sex, often without committing themselves to
serious relationships. Specific synagogues are designated
as meeting places and so they rent apartments in these
areas or within walking distance to them so that during
the Shabbat they can eat communal meals in a family
atmosphere. Having a close, supportive network of friends
empowers many young adults and helps them overcome
anxiety and inferiority feelings transmitted from the
older and more conservative factions of orthodox
Israelis. It also serves as an alternative to domesticity
which they have not yet established. Although the singles
in the marsh are still on the lookout for more meaningful
the orthodox feminist movement "Kolech" at the conference
of 2007.35. Jenny Rosenfeld, "Sexual Ethics for Orthodox
Single Men and Women," Daot 43 (2009) [Hebrew].
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relationships outside this milieu, the marsh serves as a
safety zone where they can feel less of an anomaly in
orthodox society.
The marsh? That is a bunch of women and men who are looking for love and are even not connected to their ownfamilies and so they create a kind of small family. Really! Different kinds of small families that go shopping and eat together. There is a rota, nothing wrong in that – but today the "marsh" leads people to all kind of … [behavior]. I don’t want to be malicious but in the marsh everyone lives with everyone. There aresome good girls … but everything there is freer. It is naïve to think that if you eat meals with a guy for a whole Shabbat that you can remain [in a relationship] like his older sister or his mother and he does not think about you in different ways. I am very opposed to this – it is not healthy emotionally and it just increases singlehood. From a religious point of view they define themselves as "religious-lite", "new orthodox" but they are not really looking … [for marriage]. (Tal, interview, 2007)
Not many couples emerge from this social network,
and, according to some of my informants, after some time
the marsh becomes "suffocating" and "unhealthy":
There are girls there among the hevre [a group of friends] of Nachlaot [a neighborhood in Jerusalem]. I, for example, didn’t belong because I felt I didn’t need hevre. I needed a boyfriend – just one. This togetherness is a solution. It alleviates the stress. Instead of making an effort [to find a partner] you think: “There are a lot of people like this, so what if it takes another few years?” (Nena, interview, 2007)
I think they are called marshes due to the dating policy there. There is the same reservoir so if someone is dating – it is with friends of theirs and they exchange dates and that perhaps creates the image of something sticky, drowning and stinky.
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Religious society has done itself in. Adults don't know how to flirt with each other and that forces people to meet through matchmakers instead of just doing things themselves. And rabbis use this fact and that's why they have to write manuals – like Rabbi Avineri did – in which they tell guys to use deodorants and that they should buy a drink for their dates. (Amit, interview, 2007)
Educators, spiritual leaders, rabbis and their
wives, social workers, and psychologists have called for
the drying up of the marshes by offering empowerment
workshops and creating volunteer matchmaking services.
Interestingly enough, one of the young men I interviewed
claims that the younger generation's rebellion against
the older generation has taken the form of a more
stringent attitude towards observing rules of modesty,
which has caused social problems when men and women begin
dating. He accuses the rabbis of intentionally over-
emphasizing the problem in order to gain more control
over young adults in their communities:
The younger generation behaves differently than their parents. It's a kind of rebellion, and so they become more observant … I don’t understand why in every Shabbatpamphlet there is talk about “the problem”. I don’t think there is one – what if there are older singles? Let people live their own lives! If some people suffer and want to get out of the loop and get married, if theyneed help – they should find therapists or go to
36. The most famous are situated in the neighborhoods
of Katamon in Jerusalem, and Givat Shmuel in Ramat Gan.
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workshops – there are so many. I don’t think there have to be activities organized by the communities. When someone like Shifra Greiner [an orthodox therapist dealing with singles writes [in her pamphlet] "We will solve your problems because you don’t know how" it is imperative to say to the older generation: "You screwed it up for us and you are to blame!" You didn't know how to stand up for your principles when the ultra-orthodox infiltrated into the national religious schools and intothe youth movements bringing different norms to the community.37 Now – let go! Don’t get involved now – let the young ones solve their own problems. … Don't the rabbis have more pressing issues to deal with?" (Amit, interview, 2007)
"IN PAIN YOU WILL DATE MEN"/SHACHARIT THEATER
Three actresses, women in their thirties,38 wrote and
directed this play. Its name, In Pain You Will Date Men, plays
upon the biblical verse dealing with Eve's punishment
after tempting Adam to transgress: “In pain thou shalt
bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy
husband, and he shall rule over thee.” (Genesis, 3:16)
The play is composed of vignettes – dramatized real-life
37. He is referring to the late 1980s when the more
observant Merkaz Harav students started teaching in
national religious schools and in youth movements, and
demanded that boys and girls should not be together at a
very young age. Modesty became a very central issue
preoccupying these circles.38. One single, one “just married”, one remarried
divorcee.
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8 May 2011
situations, using movement and music. Besides a few boxes
on wheels, which they arranged according to the
requirements of the scenes, and a few items of clothing,
they used no other props. These wheeled boxes became
seats at the Western Wall, a car, a card table, and a
bed. The actresses appeared in simple black costumes,
tightly fitted tops, pants with short skirts over them.
Their style indicated their affiliation with the more
conservative faction of national religious society.39
The play is an authentic, rich social document that
relates realistic, painful anecdotes connected to their
social status in a comic tone. Some scenes resemble
stand-up comedy, but as they accumulate their comic
character becomes disturbing. Between the scenes and
sometimes ending them, the actresses present the captive
all-women audiences with heart wrenching, intimate
monologues, and also with criticism of society for
stigmatizing them as failures.
While I was single there were very difficult things. My pupils for example asked: "How come you're not married?"
39. The women in the faction do not wear pants.
Lately they have begun to do so, but only if they wear
skirts or dresses over them.
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Most of the people who asked how and why asked out of pity, and I know they were thinking that there was something wrong with me … What was once an easy topic became painful after some years. You drown in singlehood –I had some terrible moments but I always managed to get myself out of that situation by thinking: "O.K. My time has not come yet." And so when my friends approached me atthe beginning about the play, I said that I would be the director because I felt I could not present this topic onstage. Slowly I joined in. And just then I met Shimon.40
We went out throughout the rehearsal period and that made everything much easier for me. (Nena, interview, 2007)
As the play progresses, the audience feels the burden of
being single in a pro-family orthodox community. One of
the actresses, still single at the time, stated in an
interview: "This is similar to our experiences with
dating: one after another in succession, endlessly."
(Orit, interview, 2007)
“CHARMS”: DESCRIPTION OF THE SCENE
This scene is full of movement with hardly any text.
There is only a phrase that is repeated in a sinister
manner by a witch-like matchmaker figure who appears and
re-appears onstage: “It is not sufficient” [referring to
all the efforts they making in order to get married]. The
actresses indulge in irrational activities: going to holy
tombs to light candles, praying devoutly at the Western 40. Her future husband. The interview took place a
few months after she got married at the age of 31.
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Wall, vowing to keep silent for forty days, dancing
wildly with brides, sitting on the bride’s special chair
after the marriage ceremony, grabbing the wine cup used
by the newly-weds in order to sip from it, buying charms,
rubbing their bodies with holy oil, and hiding charms
underneath their pillows. The rituals they embrace are
incongruous to their Western way of life. Their
exaggerated movements make them look frenzied and crazed.
Between each of these activities the witch-like figure
enters and says: "But it is not sufficient." The scene
ends with the women collapsing on the floor, after
performing all the marriage promoting activities, while
the witch-like, crazy-looking woman (matchmaker?) repeats
the phrase, wickedly, hovering over their exhausted
bodies.
The play In Sorrow You Will Date Guys ends with a series of
questions the actresses address to God as if he were
their friend:
Isn’t it true that I forget that you decide on everything?Isn’t it true that you are the only one who really understands me?Isn’t it true that I have not forgotten my belief?Isn’t it true that I am just one small part of
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the general divine plan?Isn’t it true that it isn’t terrible that all the others are engaged and I am still single?
ANALYSIS OF THE SCENE
According to Bakhtin, parody "has the effect of
establishing a distance between language and reality",41
and so it serves as an emancipating strategy. In this
case, it empowers the singles to criticize “normal”
society and specifically their malicious accusations that
they are still single because "Perhaps you do not want it
enough". This is a variation of another re-occurring
sentence that was heard throughout the scene: "It is not
sufficient.” The change from neuter to second person
singular insinuates that the problem is within these
individual’s psyches. Neither ritual nor exterior
activity will help change their status. The black humor
of this scene is combined with a slapstick quality and
this creates a therapeutic distance between the
stigmatized singles and their distressing, humiliating
situation. This allows them to examine their status and
41. Michael Bakhtin, The Dialogical Imagination, trans.
Caryl Emerson and Michael Holquist, ed. Michael Holquist
(Austin TX, 1981), 61.
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their society more clearly:
"It isn't terrible if I went out with a hundred guys?" People laugh [when I say this line] you don't know how much … I understood that people are laughing because they identify, because it is true. I too went out with many guys, and if now people would tell me, I would laugh too. It’s embarrassing but everyone knows it hurts. There is a thin line here. (Ora, interview, 2007)
It is at this low point that the singles retaliate by
criticizing society’s wickedness and insensitivity:
Once people thought simply and naively but today people indulge in self-searching and the search for self-fulfillment and fulfillment through a partner (cynically).They are looking for the fantastic but that does not really exist. That is why they continue searching and the searching process becomes an obsession…I have gone throughterrible humiliations from guys and also from people I metrandomly…The play makes people understand they shouldn't judge others and not say sentences just like that – it is difficult for us. Yes, it is to educate the audience but still to believe ... I still believe it will happen. (Ora,interview, 2007)
"The stories we tell about reality construe the real
rather than merely reflect it."42 Thus, when women
ridicule their own hysteria and show how far they are
willing to go in order to get married (to fast, to keep
silent for forty days, to attend weddings so that they
can get blessings from the bride), they are acknowledging
their willingness to abandon rational behavior in order
42. See page 143 in Susan Rubin Suleiman, Subversive
Intent: Gender, Politics and the Avant Garde (Cambridge, MA, 1990).
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to find a husband and settle down. The scene is a double-
edged commentary on themselves as intelligent individuals
succumbing to social pressures and also on their society,
which is insensitive and judgmental.
The phenomenon exists and it is not our fault – we are notto blame. Nobody of us decided to get married late and nobody expected this [to happen]. We are orthodox girls and we do not go to "mixed" parties [men and women]. That doesn't happen so we don’t have many place to meet and what can we do? … not every second auntie is a match- maker … . (Nena, interview, 2007)
The parody that appears in many scenes of this play
perhaps wishes to alleviate the painfulness of their
situation. Goffman analyzes the relationship between the
stigmatized and "normal" society and how mechanisms of
stigmatization work.43 Publication of the stigma, in this
case performing it onstage, has a specific purpose:
It is meant to convince the public to use a softer social label for the category in question … to give voice to shared feelings and to provide a forum for presenting some division of opinion as to how the situation of the stigmatized ought best to be handled.(Goffman, 1963, 23–5)
Following the instructions of the "wise women”, as
Goffman calls "normals" who offer remedies to the
stigmatized, exhausts the actresses. They become almost
43. Ervin Goffman, Stigma: The Management of Spoiled Identity
(Englewood Cliffs, NJ, 1963), 25.
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lifeless puppets in the hands of those who advise them to
engage in these activities. Thus the play invites the
audiences to reflect on the way social status connected
to domesticity affects their lives and “how much they
participate in their own oppression”.44 According to Nena,
one of the actresses I interviewed, revealing the
singles’ stigmatized situation onstage in the public
sphere transformed her from being passive and humiliated
into becoming active and critical of orthodox society.
She considered theater on this topic therapeutic since it
created a workable distance from her feelings of failure
because she was still single at the age of thirty.
By presenting the naïve, direct questions to God at
the end of the play the actresses demonstrate that
despite their doubts and disappointments they are still
fully committed to an orthodox way of life and to belief
in God. The supplication to God indicates that they are
afraid that their cynicism about the effectiveness of
charms and superstitions as transformative powers may be
44. Natalie Schwartzberg, Kathy Berliner, Demaris
Jacob, Single in a Married World: A Life Cycle Framework for Working with
the Unmarried Adult (New York, 1995), 70.
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8 May 2011
translated as disassociation from orthodoxy, so they
stress their belief that all is in God's hands.
LESHEM YIHUD/“HEREF AYIN” THEATER
The play Leshem Yihud was first produced for the Akko
Festival for Alternative Theater in 2006 by an orthodox
theater group called Heref Ayin [A Split Second]. This is
the first and only mixed theater group of orthodox men
and women in Israel.45 It is composed of five actresses
and three actors, all modern orthodox, although one of
the actresses admitted she was having doubts whether to
continue this way of life and was considering leading a
secular life style. It was directed by Basmat Hazan and
written jointly by Hazan and Netan'el Lifshitz. The play
received a citation for its "unique ensemble work for
beginning actors" during the Akko Festival for
Alternative Theater in 2006.46 The name of the play,
Leshem Yihud, has a double meaning. Yihud refers to the
presence of two people of the opposite sex in the same
space without a chaperone, and this is forbidden
according to Halackha unless the couple is related.47 Yihud
also alludes reverently to God, the One and Only.
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This play is very different from the one described
above. It has post-modern qualities: fragmentation of the
original text by inserting colloquial, personal
monologues or interjections of canonical texts with high
language, the use of verbal games, exaggerated use of
voice and movement. Unless you are familiar with the
central theme of a midrash known as "The Rat and the
Pit",48 it is hard to follow the play. The presence of men
and women onstage together allows for sensual almost
erotic scenes to take place, though no actual physical
contact occurs. According to Hazan, the director of the
play, and Benny, one of the main actors, the play was
created naturally from personal anecdotes the actors and
actresses brought to rehearsals. Most of them dealt with
the problematic interactions between men and women during
singlehood.
Someone said that we are creating theater of unmarried people, and we don’t understand anything about life, so I said: “Listen, these are our lives, and they are complex."If you ask people who are about 28 years old what they aredealing with I think 95% will say that this is the most pressing topic in their life, and you can’t talk about something so personal without taking it apart and examining it. This is what came out of it. We didn’t want the topic to come out, but when it did, dealing with it served therapeutic purposes. (Benny, 2006)
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THE PLOT
The play tells the story of a youth strolling through a
forest who hears the cries of a young woman coming from
the bottom of a well. She tells him that she fell into it
and asks him to help her get out. He makes her promise to
marry him if he succeeds, and she agrees after she is
sure he is Jewish. When he manages to rescue her and sees
she is good looking, he makes sexual advances, but she
stalls him and makes him swear to come to her parent’s
house for proper Kiddushin – marriage. She calls upon a
well standing nearby and upon a rat, which rushes pass
them, as witnesses of their betrothal, and they both
return home, with the understanding that they are
betrothed. But the young man forgets and marries another
woman. In contrast, the young girl discourages all
advances made by men to marry her and remains true to her
oath, although she does not share the secret of her
betrothal to anyone.
The man, now married, has two children who die
unnaturally: one falls into a well and the other is
devoured by a rat. His wife understands that these
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unnatural deaths were retribution of some sort and she
confronts her husband. When she hears about the
unfulfilled pledge to the maiden, she annuls their
marriage and tells him to return to her and keep his
promise. The woman, true to her oath, has pretended to
45. This was not the first time there has been
cooperation between the sexes. In my book, I mentioned
the political street theater that took place before the
disengagement form Gaza, when female theater students
directed the theater event and yeshiva students from
Otniel participated as actors.46. The press related to its authenticity and
candidness and to the fact that it "opened a peep-hole
for others to get to know to 'a closed society'." This is
a strange observation since these young men and women
come from the orthodox faction, which is totally immersed
in secular Israeli society: they have served in combat
units in the army and even most of the women served in
the army rather than doing national service. They had all
completed their academic studies in secular universities
and colleges and certainly do NOT belong to a "closed
society". This lumping together of the entire "orthodox
society” as one homogeneous group is typical of the way
many secular Israelis perceive orthodox society. Another
critic said, "There can be no doubts as to the honesty
and courage of the people behind these boxes of love
(they too use boxes which also serve as old-fashioned,
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lose her mind in order to discourage men from wooing her.
Only after being convinced that he was the man who had
saved her from the well, did they marry and live happily
together.
Throughout the play, the actors keep on repeating
the phrase, “She remained true to her oath.” Another
recurring element is the song "Ana Hashem", which is
taken from the prayers, a statement asking salvation from
God. The first word Ana – if spelled with “aleph” means
"please" but spelled differently (with the Hebrew letter
"heh"), it means "where". So this supplication not only
sounds like a request – but in fact is a question about
the whereabouts of God.
The second part of the play inserts personal stories
about being single between the fragmented repetitions of
the original story. We see a woman preparing a Shabbat
wooden suitcases), and they were all impressed by the way
a midrash was incorporated with personal monologues about
solitude and the search for love."47. The time when a bride and groom spend together
alone right after the religious ceremony ends is also
called “Yihud”.48. Rashi’s commentary on Tractate Taanit.
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table for one person only, a heavy set woman clearly
representing someone with eating disorders. She devours a
tuna sandwich and talks obsessively about it, about
singles answering a matchmaker's questions, about fights
between a boyfriend and his girlfriend, and about
fantasies about being a married woman. The inter-
textuality between contemporary life of singles and the
canonical text "constitute not a break but a challenge
the culture from within”.49 The play ends with the group
singing the traditional song “Ana Hashem” with which it
began. The volume of the song increases as the group
progresses in its singing.
“HEADCOVERING”: DESCRIPTION OF THE SCENE
The scene is erotic, although (or perhaps because) the
actor and actress, who stand very close to each other and
even touch the same object – the head covering – never
touch each other.50 It lacks a verbal text but the
pantomime is rich and full of erotic insinuations. Hazan,
the director, explains that it began as a
49. Linda Hutcheon, A Poetics of Postmodernism: History Theory
Fiction (New York and London, 1988), xiii and passim.
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scene of fantasy … a dream of a single woman who has all the options ahead of her, but in her fantasy she encounters her fear of disintegrating within the framework of marriage and in the eroticism of it. (Hazan, interview, 2006)
An actress dressed in white envisions herself married by
pretending to look in a mirror and covering her hair with
a white shawl. She examines herself in the mirror and one
of the male actors poses behind her as if to complement
the picture, the fantasy that she has a husband. She
tries out three different types of head coverings and
each time another man stands behind her. It is
interesting that each type of head-covering "demands" a
certain type of man. There is a subtle connection between
the way the man looks and poses behind the actress and
the type of head covering she chooses.51 Her imaginary
posing as the bride in a newlywed photo is interrupted
when one of the male actors positions himself behind her
and, as she begins tying the white shawl around her head,
he takes one end of the shawl from her and ties it around
50. According to Halakha, married women should not
show their hair to others. To do so is not considered
modest. Consequently, great interest in types of head
covering has developed in modern orthodox society as well
as haredi – ultra-orthodox society.
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her head. This third head covering is typical of stylish,
modern orthodox Israeli women – tied so that only the
crown of the head is covered but the rest of her hair
falls loosely on her shoulders. This time the woman loses
control over her act of covering her hair and
demonstrating modesty as a wife. Both the actress and the
actor become involved in this intimate act. The stage
becomes a site of eroticism without the man and woman
touching each other.52 Avoiding the transgression
connected to physical contact between the sexes yet
standing very close and fondling the object that is meant
to “neutralize” eroticism creates another form of
eroticism – no less powerful and perhaps even more.
Gradually the man becomes increasingly active; instead of
tying the shawl around the woman’s head he uses the rest
of the shawl to cover her eyes and then her whole head.
The actress, who, minutes before, had seemed fully in
control, is transformed into what looks like an immobile
mummy-like figure, incapable of making contact with the
outside world. Her partner has almost imperceptibly taken
over and reversed the power structure of the scene. After
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a few seconds, the young woman recovers, fights back, and
rips the shawl off her head.
ANALYSIS OF THE SCENE
Many plays I have analyzed deal with the ambivalent
attitude of modern orthodox women toward covering their
hair after their marriage. On the one hand, they desire
to abide by this custom and consider head covering after
marriage a status symbol, although it restricts them and
sometimes is uncomfortable. Many monologues show women
stomping on their hats, tossing them off, and reminiscing
with friends how they looked and felt before they had to
cover their hair.53 According to Tannen, hair plays an
important part in women's lives and "playing with each
other's hair is a frequent part of girls’ intimacy as
friends", and recapturing the intense physical intimacy
that existed between mothers and daughters in childhood.54
This affirms the importance orthodox Judaism attaches to
women's hair as a focus of erotic attention and the
importance attached to head-covering as a symbol of
limiting the male gaze. In fact the scene demonstrates
feminist theories connected to the crippling effects of
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the male gaze, which objectifies women as objects of
desire. The female body is "in its duplicity as asexual
maternal and sexual feminine, is the very emblem of the
contradictory coexistence of transgression and
prohibition, purity and defilement that characterizes
both the 'inner experience' of eroticism and the textual
play of the pornographic narrative.”55 Here too we witness
the duplicity of modesty and sensuality within one female
body. Hazan says that perhaps this scene was intended to
be “gentle criticism” of the norm that "orthodox women
51. Married women’s hair is considered erva-nakedness.
Ultra-orthodox women cover their head completely with a
kerchief, hat, or wig and in some factions they even
shave their hair immediately after their marriage and
cover their head completely with a black head cover. More
liberal factions symbolically cover just a part of their
hair in different ties, styles. One can discern social
affiliation according to the head covering, a phenomenon
comparable to the types of skullcaps men wear to show
their social affiliation with a certain orthodox faction:
black for haredi, crocheted for national religious, white
– for hassidic (Bratslav).52. This actress left the group after a year of
working together since she felt it was inappropriate and
no longer felt comfortable working with men onstage.
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automatically cover their hair after marriage without
really understanding the consequences or what this
obligation entails." (Hazan, interview, 2006)
CONCLUSION
The connection between performance and anthropology has
been made by prominent sociologists, anthropologists, and
performance theorists such as Goffman, Turner, Schechner,
and Sauter.56 Bahktin's functionalist theory minimizes the
influence of theater on society by stating that theater
functions "as a safety valve" that allots specific spaces
and times to revolt against authorities.57 In our case,
the orthodox singles who created these plays were making
a combined effort to force the hegemony to address the
topic of changing family life styles openly and
empathetically. They can be considered as engaging in
active opposition to the community's tendency to
stigmatize them. Yet it is interesting that the endings
of both plays undermine the very criticism they voice by
transferring the social issue into the realm of religious
belief.
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The scenes I have described and analyzed present the
confusion and tension among the younger generation in
modern orthodox society between the demands to conform to
traditional life styles and the desire to attain personal
fulfillment. I have demonstrated that this tension is
reflected in the type of theater that orthodox artists
are creating by blending high culture (texts from the
Jewish canon) with low culture (personal monologues using
colloquial Hebrew), and by including stylized,
ritualistic behaviors in the scenes. According to
Sperber, this hybridity characterizes the works of
religious Israeli artists:
Many artists draw upon Jewish ritual objects alongside realia from contemporary Israeli culture, and in a manifestly postmodern and post-Zionist act, empty them allof their meaning. Jewish symbols and texts often undergo intentional flattening. The “Jewishness” of objects and forms is then just one element among the wealth of cultural influences: deconstructed master narratives become empty forms of staged ritual.58
53. In my book I describe scenes like this, which
took place in 1997 in a Women’s Theater Festival in Haifa
and in 1999 at Emuna College for the Arts in Jerusalem.54. Debora Tannen, You're Wearing THAT?: Mothers and
Daughters in Conversation (Ballantine, 2006), 41.55. Ibid., 85.
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In addition, I have described the context in which
these plays have been created and performed. Orthodox
Israeli society promotes marriage at a young age and
forbids premarital sex. Those who do not conform to this
norm challenge society, and although they criticize its
lack of empathy, its stifling educational system, and the
way it stigmatizes singles as failures, they wish to
remain in the fold. Some orthodox young people seek a
compromise by leaving home and living in “marshes”,
social enclaves that serve as a convenient base from
which they either continue their search for a partner or
function in self-made alternative families, without
committing themselves to one partner. Rather than
conceding to marriage just for the sake of normalization,
56. Ervin Goffman, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life
(New York, 1959); Victor Turner, The Ritual Process: Structure and
Anti- Structure (New York, 1969); Richard Schechner,
Performance Studies: An Introduction (London and New York, 2002);
Wilmar Sauter, The Theatrical Event – Dynamics of Performance and
Perception (Iowa City, 2000).57. Mikahail Bahktin, Rabelais and his World
(Bloomingdale, IN, 1984), 61.58. Sperber, "Israeli Art Discourse and the Jewish
Voice," 131.
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some orthodox singles engage in intimate relationships
and even consider single parenthood. These people have
become catalysts for change in orthodox family patterns
and have initiated public discourse on more liberal
family patterns such as single sex relationships and
cohabitation prior to marriage.59
Although they took a different approach to the topic
of prolonged singlehood in theater, both theater groups
chose to end the plays with clear religious messages. The
final scenes, which included direct questions to God and
fervent religious sentiments, create the impression that
singlehood is a theological issue otherwise "this is a
world of crazy injustice". (Tal, interview, 2007)
Declarations that singlehood is a part of a larger,
incomprehensible divine plan legitimizes and even extols
it. After criticizing and condemning orthodox society,
59. The more liberal faction of rabbis has been asked
to deal with sexuality and intimate ties between singles,
and some orthodox single women who decide to engage in
premarital sex go to the mikva. The chief rabbi, Yona
Metzger, has made a public statement against allowing
single women to immerse in a mikva prior to marriage.
48