Chapter One

Introduction

1.1 Background of the Study

Blended families are created when children from a previous

marriage are brought into a new marriage. Thus it blends two

families (Strong, 1989). Any marriage losses and changes the

family pattern and in remarriage the effects are magnified.

The family structure is an important predictor of

psychological adjustment of individual family members.

Economic, ethno-cultural and socio-legal factors affect the

lives of the family and its structure. In recent years

stepfamilies have been formed after divorce ended the previous

marriage rather than death of one parent (Pryor, 2004). The

High Court of Zimbabwe received 1551 divorce cases in 2011, a

21% increase from 2010’s 1216 cases and these results were

expected to double in 2012. The increase in death and divorce

in the preceding decades has left the family structure to

evolve and increased the number of blended families. According

to Thornton (1983), 4 out of 10 marriages are remarriages and

9 million households in America consist of at least one spouse

who has remarried (Cherlin & McCarthy, 2001).

Stepmothers are affected greatly by the presence of non-

biological children when their new marriage begins, in

addition to being thrust into motherhood without adequate

preparation, they are faced with the role ambiguity of being a

third parent and of course the financial implications the

1

extra mouth brings for her and the children to be born into

the new marriage (Banker & Gaertner, 1998). Children also have

a negative impact on marital satisfaction more so if they are

stepchildren (Booth, 1985). Traditionally stepmothers get bad

press despite their efforts to act maternally and warm towards

their new children. There are more than 900 stories about evil

or wicked stepmothers including fairy tales like Cinderella

and Snow White. The name stepmother itself already has

negative connotations since it comes from the English word

steop meaning bereave or loss. Therefore according to Humphrey

(1988), stepmother means mother loss and sets the foundation

for bad relations within the blended family.

The scope of stepmothers as parents continues to decline as

parents as society identifies them as cruel, wicked, jealous

and even murderous. There are also myths surrounding the

institution of step motherhood, the myth of instant love and

that of the wicked stepmother (Smith. 1990). The instant love

myth asserts that the stepmother and child should fall

instantly in love and the stepmother assumes the mothering

role immediately and this may weigh on the stepmother as she

might not find herself emotionally inclined that way. The

myths create a negative stereotype that may lead to identity

dilemmas, negative self conception if one fails to fall In

love instantly and role strain as the child may resist her

maternal attempts (Dainton, 1993). Stepmothers are also not

given the support given to the nucleus family by the society

and also lack literature to guide them into this unique type

of motherhood (Coleman & Ganory, 1987). The influences of the

2

biological mother, in her naked hostility, endless calls and

rules which undermine the power of the stepmother. It is a job

with a lot of work and very little credit.

Mothering can be very fulfilling for women and maternal love

comes naturally. The stepmother gains the approval of the

family, society and even her spouse if she successfully

assumes the mothering role. Examples of notable stepmothers

include: Maria Von Trapp, Abraham Lincoln’s stepmother who

encouraged his love for reading and writing and also Oprah

Winfrey’s stepmother. These would be good examples according

to Hardyment (1990), who states that mothers are held

responsible, for how their children turn out. In this light

these were good stepmothers. Stepchildren can be a source of

pleasure if the stepmother views her role as beneficial and

one for which she is valid and has parental feelings towards

the child.

1.2 Statement of the Problem

The nature of parental involvement of stepmothers in the

blended family is the problem to be explored in this research.

It attempts to clarify the role of stepmothers in the blended

family. There is limited literature and research on the

experiences of stepmothers and how they affect her and the

family at large. They are legal stranger to the children they

are rising such that in most countries they have custodial

responsibilities but no legal rights regarding them (Warner,

2012). The stepmother may not even be able to sign for any3

medical decisions on the child’s behalf in the absence of the

legal or birth parents. The society imposes unrealistic

expectations on the stepmother and the failure to produce

there required results creates problems within the family

(Gamache, 2010). The society has to realize that the nucleus

family and the binuclear family are different and blaming

stepmothers for problems that are only natural (Brown, 1984).

Unlike the role of the biological mother that is ascribed, the

role of the stepmother is attained and as such evolves. This

research attempts to help stepmothers make sense of the

experiences they come across at various stages of their

relationships with their stepchildren. Stepmothers are unsure

how to relate to their stepchildren whether to be mothers,

friends or mentors (Gamache, 2010). The society also does not

fully comprehend the experiences of stepmothers and this

research will reveal their experiences and how the society can

help or better influence the experiences of these women. Most

stepmothers feel in adequate for the role (Weingartan, 1985)

and this study will attempt to share ways of dealing with the

anxieties of feeling inadequate for the job.

1.3 Objectives

-To explore the nature of parental involvement of stepmothers

in their step children’s lives.

4

- To describe the factors influencing parental involvement of

stepmothers in their stepchildren`s lives.

-To describe the experiences of stepmothers rising their

stepchildren.

-To describe the psychological and behavioral implications of

the experiences of stepmothers.

1.4 Research Questions

What is the nature of parental involvement stepmothers have in

their stepchildren’s lives?

What are the factors influencing the parental involvement of

stepmothers?

What are their good and bad experiences?

What are the psychological implications of stepmothers’

behavior and experiences?

1.5 Justification

Most studies focus on the experiences of stepchildren in the

blended family and those that focus on stepmothers where done

in developed countries like the research by Gamache (2010).

This study as a reference for other stepmothers in the

Zimbabwean context. It can also help in the comparison with

findings in other countries. In the past researchers have

looked at the impact of growing up in a stepfamily on children

5

buy there is very little work on how women who become

stepmothers go through the experience (Doodson, 2010). The

study will be essential for stepmothers and those preparing to

become stepmothers. It will also help the families and the

society at large to view stepmothers in a more positive way.

1.6 Definition of Terms

Stepmother- is the nonbiological mother a child gets when

their father remarries or cohabits with another woman after

divorce or death of the biological mother.

Blended family-is created when 2 adults form a household in

which 1 or both bring a child from a previous marriage and the

new partner becomes an important and parent figure to their

partner’s child (De’Atch, 1992).

Experiences-the practical events involved or knowledge of the

environment that come over time.

Attitude- refers to a favorable or unfavorable evaluative

reaction towards stepmothers that is exhibitated in one’s

beliefs, feelings or intended behavior.

Perceptions-are opinions, views, beliefs and attitudes towards

something or a way of looking at something.

1.7 Conceptual Framework

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The family system theory was used to study how the

interactions within the blended family influence the

motivations, experiences, psychological consequences and

behavior (Webster, 1971). The family interactions also shape

the stepmother`s role towards her stepchild. According to the

family system theory, the family must fulfill a variety of

functions for each member both collectively and as individuals

for each member to grow and develop (Becver & Becver, 2003).

Therefore for the parental involvement to develop or not

develop it up to both the stepmother and the stepchild. The

theory will look at what the child can do to foster the

parental relationship between him and the stepmother and also

what the stepmother can do to ensure that her needs are also

met in the relationship (Ganong & Coleman, 2004). The family

system theory also states that a family is an internal system

whose components parts have constantly shifting boundaries and

varying degrees of resistance to change (Hepworth & Rooney,

2002). This is true for the shifting of boundaries between

stepmother and stepchild over time. It also follows that the

stepmother’s parental role or parental alienation is a result

of these interactions.

1.8 Scope of the Study

This study will explore the parental relationship between

stepmothers in Harare and their stepchildren. It will consider

the four types of stepmothers which are full time stepmothers

caring for both biological and stepchildren, custodian

stepmothers without children of their own, noncustordian

stepmothers without children of their own and stepmothers with7

biological children and part time care of stepchildren. The

stepchildren will be aged between 12 months and 18 years. The

study will look at how the society and family perceive them

and how this affects them psychologically. It will also look

at their scope as parents in the binuclear family that is if

she is free to discipline her stepchildren or if her

stepchildren treat her like a parent or if she can

independently make decisions of her stepchildren. The study

will also explore the stepmother’s experiences as she tries to

take up her role in the family.

1.9 Chapter Summary

The chapter looked at the problems and objectives of the study. It serves as a guard for the entire study.

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Chapter Two

Literature Review

2.1 Introduction

This chapter will look at the various theories and studies

that have been used to explain the nature of parental

involvement of stepmothers in their stepchildren’s lives and

also the experiences of stepmothers within the context of the

blended family.

It was predicted that because of rising divorce and

remarriage, stepfamilies would be the dominant family type in

the twenty first century (Furstenburg & Cherlin, 1991) and

currently of 6 million American children under the age of 13,

half live with one biological parent and the parent’s current

partner (Kreider & Field, 2005). More today live in

stepfamilies than nuclear families (Recker, 2010) and the

statistics have become especially hard to establish since so

stepmothers are not married but simply cohabiting with the

father. Researches on stepmothering usually report negative

findings for example they have more difficulties adapting to

their roles than stepfathers do (MacDonald & DeMaris, 1996).

According to Newman (1994), there is more conflict, confusion

and overall poorer adjustment among family members in

stepmother families. This results for the high level of

ambiguity in the role and this has a negative impact on the

quality of life for both the stepmother and the family (Weaver

1999). Coping themes include the importance of positive

9

communication, attitudes, attributes, marital quality and also

formal and informal support.

2.2Theories

2.2.1 Family System Theory

The family system theory searches for the causes of behavior,

not in the individual alone but in the interactions among the

members of a group (Webster, 1977). The experiences of

individuals in the family are products of the duties the

family and individuals within the family perform for one

another. Therefore according to this theory, (Nichols &

Schwats, 2001) the experiences of stepmothers cannot solely be

ascribed to be caused by her alone but all the individuals

within the family for example a father who ignores the

struggles between the stepmother and his child and a child who

resists the parenting of the stepmother are all contribute to

the experiences of the stepmother.

The family system theory states that the resources and

perceptions of the world shape the interactions thus the

society has influence in the way stepmothers interact with

their stepchildren (Sager, Brown, Crohn et al, 1983). This

introduces how the views of the society like the wicked

stepmother myth, the instant love myth and the negative press

affect the nature of the stepmother’s parental involvement.

In turn these interactions influence the rules that govern the

way the family is governed. The functioning of the family is a

10

product of interactional system in existence. That is the

members of the family are the one who determine the kind of

relationship they will have through the way they interact. The

parental involvement of the stepmother is determined by her

individual interaction with each child and also her

interactions with the family as a whole. The family life cycle

introduces the element of change in the family. Each family is

unique and members have shifting boundaries and varying

degrees of resistance to change (Becver& Becver, 2003). Family

life is dynamic, it change in different situations and also

differs depending on how one fulfill the various functions in

the family and also how the family and family individuals

fulfill their duties towards the individual. Each child and

each stepmother is unique and how they interact is different

and this is what makes their parental involvement in each

other’s lives differ. The dynamics of family life entails that

human beings are vicitile, they adapt to situations and

generally interact becomes easier and parental involvement

increase as both stepmother and stepchild adapt to the

situation. Therefore the family is a interdependent unit and

no one individual can influence the interactions of the entire

family (Hepwoth & Rooney, 2002).

2.2.2Evolutionary Perspective

The evolutionary perspective by Darwin is the bases of the

Cinderella Effect, a term coined by Daly and Wilson (1998).

The Cinderella effect is a statistical tendency for child

homicides committed by parents to involve stepmothers. This

theory focuses on the cost and benefits of rising children who11

have no genetic relationship with self. According to Smith

(2003), rising step children confer no obvious benefits

because they do not carry the stepmother’s genetic material.

This theory explains some of the motivations and experiences

of stepmothers. The evolutionary perspective, asserts how the

primitive mind would react to a situation that is through

simply weighing the cost and benefits (Pong, 1997). Therefore

stepmother merely make decisions based on survival instincts,

survival of herself and her genes. For example a secure bond

with her stepchildren leads to a secure bond with her spouse

assuring her a share in his wealth and a secure position in

society of her and the children born into the marriage while

she would also benefit from murdering her stepchildren because

her spouse’s resources and attention would then be focused on

her and her biological children ensuring the survival of her

genes. According to Daly (1996), stepchildren are 7 times more

likely to be abused than children living with both biological

parents. Stepchildren also receive much less food, medical

care and education. However this abuse may be a result of

poverty than the Cinderella effect.

Evolutionary theorists suggest that the Cinderella effect is a

result of lack of interest in stepchildren (Osbourne, 2012).

There is lack of social capital in the relationship that is

time and energy in positive interactions with children (Pong,

1997) because they are expending resources on the adult

relationship or on their children from prior unions.

Traditionally stepfamilies where defined as married couples

with children from previous marriages who live with them. It

12

has expanded to include cohabiting couples thus these

stepmothers have little to gain from investing in their

relationship with stepchildren since they have no legal

responsibility towards the child or their father. Their

relationship with the spouse is not secure and they have

little to lose from not investing social capital in the

parenting role. However the Cinderella effect is not an

indicator that all stepparents are abusive or detached because

many stepmothers raise children in loving, supportive

households very successfully (Smith, 2003).

2.3 The Nature of Parental Involvement

The parenting of stepmothers has been described as excluded,

detached, unappreciated, out of one’s control, unsupported,

battling and irrelevant (Roper & Capalevila, 2009). Researches

on stepmothering usually report negative findings (MacDonald &

DeMaris, 1996), it involves mothering duties although half of

the stepmother population are not considered mothers by their

stepchildren and half are (Gamache, 2010). Kelly in Gamache

(2010) advises stepmothers to back away from the parent role.

Parental involvement differs in every stepfamily but is

influenced by factors like age of the child at remarriage, the

complexity or simplicity of family structure, influence of the

biological mother, the chemistry between the stepmother and

child to name a few.

A study by Crohn (1983) revealed 5 types of stepmothering

styles that are related to parental involvement. The styles

include, the father`s wife, peer-like friend, older friend,

13

type of kin and the another mother type of stepparenting. The

stepmothering styles are arranged inorder of parental

involvement from the least involved to the most involved.

2.4 Factors Influencing Parental Involvement

2.4.1 Length of Remarriage

According to Gamache (2010), the scope of the stepmother’s

parental involvement is affected by the age of the child such

that it decreases as the child grows. Parental involvement

tends to increase as the marriage persists and the stepmother

and child warm up to each other over time. Length of time

between death or divorce and remarriage is another factor that

affects the relationship between the stepmother and child, the

longer the time the better the chances that the stepmother

will be perceived as a mother (Kelly, 2010). Otherwise she may

be perceived as the reason for the divorce and this would

introduce even more hostility between her and her stepchild.

Gamache (2010) also asserts that the relationship becomes

better overtime as they both adapt to their roles and learn to

like each other through interaction. The child also matures

and the fantasy that their parents will ever get back together

dies away and she learns to accept reality and her stepmother.

However parental involvement decreases overtime as the child

gets older and naturally becomes more independent.

2.4.2 Complexity or Simplicity of the Family Structure

If the stepmother also has children of her own she is also

more likely to be viewed as a mother by her stepchildren

14

unlike if she has no children of her own. The stepmother’s

personality is also a factor to consider such that warm and

cheerful people rather than detached, slow to warm up to

people are likely to be perceived as motherly by their

stepchildren (Gamache, 2010). The chemistry between the child

and stepmother at the beginning will also affect how she is

perceived such that if they like each other instantly then the

stepmother is perceived as a mother but they might not like

each other when they meet.

2.4.3 Loyalty of the Child to the Biological Mother

Since the child naturally is loyal to their biological mother

therefore the perceptions of the biological mother influence

how the stepmother is viewed by their stepchildren. Although

the stepmother may perform mothering duties while the children

are with her, her scope as a parent is quite limited in the

triangle of power. The vilification of stepmothers is in sharp

contrast to the idealization of motherhood (Pong, 1997).

Biological are viewed more positively by their children, their

mistakes are more acceptable and their intensions are always

viewed as upright. The influence of the stepmother can also be

undermined by the biological mother through her naked

hostility, endless calls and rules which leave little room for

flexibility (Gamache, 2010). If the biological mother bad

mouths the stepmother it undermines her authority and loses

respect of her stepchildren. False memories and fantasies of

children which incline them to believe things were perfect

when their parents were together and that their mother would

15

have done a better job lead to disharmony in the blended

family (Gamache, 2010).

2.5 The Experiences of Stepmothers

2.5.1 Lack of Support

According to Doodson (2012), stepmothers also face problems

like lack of support from both the family and the society. The

extended family such as the grandparents is afraid to support

the stepmother because they are loyal to biological mother the

fear of being cut off from their grandchildren’s lives by the

biological mother. While the society does not understand the

structure of blended families since the involve relationships

that vary considerably in form, structure and complexity from

the nuclear family. The society judges the blended family by

standards of the nuclear family and thus the blended family is

always found wanting. The society relies on the conventional

family for comparison, a conceptual framework against which

the stepfamily is found deficient and poor. Stepmothers also

lack support since most men would not leave their wives before

they divorce another woman to take her place which makes them

responsible for breaking the sacred bonds of matrimony. The

time between divorce and remarriage may leave suspicions of an

extra marital affair between the stepmother and the father

before the divorce which will make her loss the support of the

family and society for moral reasons. As a result of lack of

support stepmothers find themselves feeling isolated and

resentful.

2.5.2 Role Confusion

16

Research also revealed that stepmothers also suffer from role

confusion because of the variety of roles and also the variety

of adults to fill them and no clear role prescriptions

delineating the division of labor. Blended families require

role clarity and role flexibility to function effectively.

Little is known about how healthy stepmother relationships to

develop and what factors contribute to positive adjustment in

stepmothering (Lejeure, 1998). According to Gamache (2010),

half of stepchildren consider their stepmothers parents while

half do not consider them parents. The views of the spouse and

biological mother on the roles of the stepmother also affect

her especially if the parents within the home or kids have

different perceptive of the stepparent’s parental roles. This

may lead to ongoing conflict, irreconcilable differences and

eventually smoldering grievances. Stepmothers also struggle

with issues of discipline that is, disciplining to the

biological parents. Also whether to be a friend, mentor or

mother, since encouraged to slowly assume the mothering role

to allow for everyone to slowly adapt. According to Newman

1994, there is more conflict, confusion and overall poorer

adjustment among family members in stepmother families. This

results for the high level of ambiguity in the role and this

has a negative impact on the quality of life for both the

stepmother and the family (Weaver, 1999). Coping themes

include the importance of positive communication, attitudes,

attributes, marital quality and also formal and informal

support. Much less is known about the cognitive outcomes and

knowledge structures that emerges as members manage the

17

ambiguity and complexity associated with stepfamily

relationships (Taylor 1991).

2.5.3 Cultural Stereotypes and Myths

cultural stereotypes dating back to ancient time with fairy

tales such as Cinderella, Snow White and Hansel and Gratel

(Recker, 2010). The stepchildren are the most common victims.

Even in Chinese literature the stepmother is infamous like in

the classic Filial Piety, Min Ziqian by Guo Jujing. The

ubiquity of the wicked stepmother has made it a frequent theme

of revisionist fairytale. Modern fiction including Jones’s,

“Howl’s Moving Castle” and Lee’s, “Red as Blood” as portray

the stepmother as wicked and detached. Stepmothers struggle

with the wicked stepmother myth which may lead to identity

dilemma and negative self conception (Dainton, 1993). These

negative stereotypes may lead to self fulfilling prophesy

where a person begins to exhibit characteristics falsely

attributed to them. Thus the stepmother may become angry and

abusive towards the child because it is what is expected of

her. The myth of instant love may also cause cognitive

discrepancies where one is uncomfortable because what they

believe is in contrast to their behavior. The instant love

myth states that the stepmother and the child should fall

instantly in love and accept each other. Then one is unable to

love their stepchild instantly they begin to feel inadequate

for the role and despise themselves for not love their

stepchildren (Weingartan, 1985). The child may also resist her

attempts to mother her or him, destroying her hopes of

fulfilling the myth (Dainton, 1993).18

The notion of the word stepmother by description is suggested

by peculiar wording in Gamble’s, “An Irish Wake” (1826). Here

a woman is described as a very step mother because she is

cruel. The word itself has negative connotations since it

comes from the English word steop or loss. In the eighth

century, in the glossary of Latin-old English words stepchild

is synonymous to orphaned child although words like

stepbrother or stepniece do not appear to have any particular

connotation of bereavement (Oxford Dictionary, 1989). Thus

stepmother means mother loss and sets the bad foundation for

relations with the stepmother (Humphrey, 1988).

2.5.4 Satisfaction of Mothering

A research by Brown in 1984 revealed that 72% of stepmothers

describe their role as primarily satisfying rather than

dissatisfying. Benefits include, experiencing the rewards of

mothering, family relationships, creation of a family unit.

Therefore step mothering is not only comprised of negative

feelings and consequent losses but it can enrichen one’s life.

Successful stepmothers spend more time with their children,

openly share with them, openly communicate and share with

their step children and continue to show care and concern for

the children’s overall well being (Quick, 1989).

2.6 Chapter Summary

This chapter has revealed the factor that affect the parental

involvement of stepmothers in their stepchildren’s lives such

as their personality and the age of the child. It has also

19

heighted the difficulties faced by stepmothers such as lack of

support and feedback and ambiguity of roles

20

Chapter Three

Methodology

3.1 Introduction

This chapter deals with the study design and procedures,

population and sample, data collection and ethical

considerations. The study will be carried out in Harare which

is the population of interest.

3.2 The Research Design

This research is qualitative in nature. A qualitative

treatment describes what processes are occurring and details

differences in the character of these processes over time

(Smith, 2006). The research is cross sectional thus it

involves elicitation of information at a single time from

people in a number of different conditions that are expected

to be significant to the change. In this study the common

factor is that they are stepmothers and the different cohorts

include the ages of their stepchildren, how long they have

stayed with their stepchildren, the whereabouts and

perceptions of the biological mother and also their

experience.

The research was explorative in nature and used the thematic

data analysis which is useful in describing and exploring

specific phenomena or variables in detail. Explorative designs

search for relationships between variables and scientifically

explore situations in detail (Pilcher, 1990). It also extracts

attitudes, opinions, perceptions, feelings, beliefs, values,

21

knowledge, behavior patterns and practices. It is critical to

also collect commentary and discourses about everyday life for

example paintings, pieces of art, photographs and even musical

selections (Denzine, 1998).

3.3 Sampling Procedure

The sample will be attained using snowball sampling and

judgmental sampling. A sample of only 20 participants will be

required. Snowball sampling involves the use of a few known

members of the desired group and asking them to name others

while judgmental sampling uses prior knowledge to select the

sample (Brown, 2003). The participants should all have

stepchildren below the age of 18 and reside in Harare. The

sampling methods are the best given the nature of the

population of interest however the sampling methods pose

reliability problems for the research since they use non

probabilistic samples that is members of the population do not

have an equal chance at selection for the research.

3.4 Data Collection

Face to face interviews will be employed to capture the

individual perceptions of stepmothers and better understand

their individual situations. These interviews are advantageous

in that they allow the researcher to capture nonverbal cues

from the participants and to also capture cues for their

language and their choice of diction. The interviews will be

recorded for a more detailed analysis and interpretation.

22

These interviews will be semistructured to allow the

participants to freely add on to the appropriate questions not

listed on the interview guide. Secondary sources of

information to be considered are photos, newspaper cuttings

and literature (Denzine, 1998).

3.5 Data Analysis

The unit for data analysis is individual statements in most

cases. The thematic data analysis was the method employed in

the analysis of data. Thematic analysis is a historically

conventional way of analyzing qualitative data. It involves

searching for recurrent patterns in data. The process if

induction will be used to create theme while deduction will be

used to verify them. According to Boyatzis (1998), thematic

analysis systematically works through the text to present a

view of the reality by identifying topics that are

progressively integrated into higher order themes. A theme is

a cluster of linked categories conveying similar meanings.

Even captured verbatim and collected commentaries and

discourse from everyday life and themes were drawn from the

data collected. Thematic analysis is carried out through 6

steps including, familiarization with data, and generation of

codes, searching for themes from the codes, reviewing themes,

defining and naming themes and lastly reporting themes.

3.6 Ethical Considerations

According to the APA (1992), it is ethical to keep all

information gathered from the research confidential and

anonymous thus no use of names of participants. All23

participants in psychological research have the right to

expect that the information they provide will be treated

confidentially and if published will not be identifiable as

theirs (Smith, 2006). This is to guard participants for

negative perception by the public about the socially

undesirable responses. The researcher will also uphold the

principle of informed consent where the participant will be

provided with all the information about the objectives and

purposes of the studies and the results will also be disclosed

to the participants. The researcher also respected the right

of the participants to withdraw from the study at anytime and

the right to have data acquired from them destroyed if they

wish. The researcher had to accept the participant’s decision

even if it will introduce a sampling bias (Smith, 2006).

Participants were also debriefed adequately after the research

and given any information they needed or requested concerning

the nature of the research.

3.7 Chapter Summary

This chapter described the procedure and details of how the

research is going to be contacted systematically using the q

methodology. Snowball sampling and questionnaires are also key

components of this research.

24

Chapter Four

Results

4.1 Introduction

This chapter looks at the results of the research carried out

in Harare with a sample of 20 stepmothers. The study yielded

qualitative data and was collected through individual

participant interviews which were semi structured. The unit of

analysis mainly used in the research was the individual views

of the participants however common views were grouped together

and presented as one. The objectives of this study included

examining the nature of parental involvement and the factors

25

that influence it, exploring the experiences of stepmothers

and their behavioral and psychological implications. The study

revealed 3 types of stepmothers and other results that will be

described below.

4.2 Nature of parental involvement

The section looks at nature parental involvement. It seemed

parental involvement among stepmothers and their stepchildren

was restrained, distant and generally tough. The study yielded

3 groups of stepmothers, the very involved, the moderately

involved and the uninvolved as will be discussed below.

4.21 Stepmothers who immerse themselves in motherhood

Parental involvement in this group seemed intimate, stable and

the stepmothers very involved in their stepchildren`s lives.

The group comprises of stepmothers who attested to being very

involved in their stepchildren`s lives. Normally their

stepchildren call them mhamha, mum, mother or mummy which are

endearing term showing their intimate relationship. The

stepmothers do not differentiate between stepchildren and

biological children to the extent that biological children may

not be aware that the others are her stepchildren. I n the

words of one 36 year old stepmother:

“My stepchildren are just like my biological children

even my biological children do not know that the others

are my stepchildren because I treat them the same way and

sometime I do even more for my stepchildren. For example

my stepson has a passion for music so I send him to a

26

very expensive music school. It costs $200 per month and

they all go to the same private school even my neighbours

do not know that they are my stepchildren.

Stepmothers in this group reported very few problems with

disciplining because their stepchildren feel secure and cared

for. This makes them free to discipline, counseling when

needed. The participants seemed to have successfully asserted

their power in the home and their stepchildren recognize their

authority and trust that they will not misuse it. A 32 year

old stepmother of 2 reported that:

“I`m like my stepchildren`s mother so I can discipline

them freely. I provide for my stepchildren, they lack

nothing and I believe I have enrichened their lives not

just by my presence as a mother. I give them advice,

encourage them, do their laundry, ironing and cooking. I

also teach them basic life skills like sewing and

gardening.”

In this group are stepmothers who often devote themselves to

be involved in their step children`s personal lives like

making sure they play and hang around good people, help in

their school work and not just pay school fees, encourage them

and help identify and advance the stepchildren`s natural

talents. The stepchildren feel free to share their private

lives with them and maintain their relationship long after

they leave home. The data seems to reveal that the stepchild

feels attached to the stepmother and treats her as her own

mother. A 32 year old stepmother attests:

27

“My stepdaughter and I are very close we talk constantly

even though she has already left home, she is now a

policewoman. She sends groceries and money every month and

she is also very close with my children.”

The consistence with which the stepdaughter sends money every

month suggests that she also experienced the same consistence

from her stepmother and credits her stepmother for her

success.

However these stepmothers still report that there is no

attachment because they did not give birth to these children.

In the words of the same 32 year old stepmother,

‘Ndinoda vana vemurume wangu sevangu chaivo asi mwana

wangu angorifreer neni, sekuti anogona kugara pamakumbo angu but

vana vemurume wangu havangazvigoni. Handi filli attached kwaari

sezvandinoita mwana wangu panoita sepane chakashota muhukama

hwedu, nokuti handina kuvazvara’ (I love my stepchild like my

own children but my biological children are more open to

me and feel free for example they sit on my lap but my

stepchildren cannot do this. I do not feel attached to my

stepchildren, there always seems to be something missing

for our relationship because I did not give birth to

them).

4.22 Fairly involved stepmothers

Stepmothers who are fairly involved in their stepchildren`s

lives usually shy away from the parenting role and prefer to

be just a guardian, a mentor or a provider and caregiver. In

28

most cases their stepchildren call them mainini (aunt, a term

usually used to refer to the second wife). The data reveals

that although the child recognizes her authority as their

father`s wife, they do not consider her their mother. In this

group are stepmothers who though they stay with their

stepchild and provide for them, they avoid any unnecessary

interaction or friction with them. Participants in this group

seemed satisfied with a relationship that is distant, strained

and reserved. A 27 year old stepmother of 3 commented that:

‘Kuchengeta mwana arisiri wako chinhu chakaoma I feel alone

sometimes even tichigara mumba imwe. Kuchurch chaiko kwatinongoenda

kuchurch kwakafanana mumwe nemumwe anongoenda ega vanoto preferya

kufamba netsoka ndichidriver kuenda kuchurch. Vanongoita zvinhu zvavo

vega vachingozouya kwandiri kana zvaoma’ (Caring for a child who

is not biologically yours is very hard. We live together

but I feel alone sometimes. We go to the same church but

prefer walking to church while I drive there. They do not

involve me in their plans and only come to me when they

go wrong).

Stepmothers in this group refuse to be bothered the struggles

of motherhood. The stepmothers knows very little about their

stepchildren`s personal lives and what they experience

everyday even though they live together. It should be noted

that these stepmothers cannot be found wanting of any basic

duties of a mother and their stepchildren do not lack. Most of

the respondents reported that they do not really care about

their stepchildren`s lives for various reasons although they

treat them well not aggravate the family and society and also29

feel it would not be morally right if they do not provide for

their stepchildren. In this group most of the stepmother seem

not to worry about their stepchildren`s future but are more

concerned about how other people would view them. One

stepmother27 year old stepmother admits:

‘Ndakaona kuti zvekutaura taura zvingandinetsa nokuti ndikamutuma basa

ndinoitase ndirikumunetsa, ndakatotsvaga musikana webasa kuti zvisambo

ndinetsa. Ndinongoitawo pangu sekuvaendesa kuchikoro, kubhadhara mari

yechikoro, ndinotenga hembe nechikafu chavo. Nekodzero dzavo

ndinodzirespecta asi handingti ndineshungu navo sevana vangu.

Ndinongoda kuti ndivachengete zvipfuure and vanhu vasandinyeya’ (I do

not want to bother myself fighting with my stepchildren

over chores, so I got a maid. I do my part taking them to

school, paying their school fees, buying clothes and food

for them. I respect their rights but most importantly I

want the burden of having to care for them to just pass

and people to stop gossiping about me).

Some stepmothers also said they prefer doing the work

themselves so they do not have to fight with their

stepchildren while others get maids to avoid having to labor

for the young stepchildren.

4.23 Uninvolved stepmothers

Uninvolved stepmothers are those stepmothers who do not have

custody of their stepchildren. The respondents comprised of

those who provide financial assistance for their stepchildren

30

and others who did not. There is no or very little physical

interaction with their stepchildren. The children relate their

needs to their father and other relatives and do not recognize

her as their stepmother or their father`s legitimate wife.

Normally these stepmothers may be called names like, ‘hure

rababa’ (my father`s whore), smallhouse (a woman involved with

someone else`s husband in a extra marital affair) or ‘mai

tatenda’ (a term normally used to relate to someone distant and

unrelated). She makes no attempt to mother the stepchildren

and there is a clear distinction between her biological

children and the stepchildren. Her children are first priority

and she does not even fake affection for her stepchildren.

This is typical of the infamous second wife also known as a

small house which means an extra marital affair running

parallel to the first marriage. The relationship is strained

with hatred. The stepchild and stepmother`s knowledge of each

other often did not extend be beyond names and their

interaction is characterized but word exchange, shouting,

screaming and physical fights. One stepmother attests:

‘handitombodi zvekusanganiswa nevana vake, vanotaura neni sendinezera

navo and pamwe pacho muhombe wacho aitoda kurwa neni. Vanogara

kumusha nambuya vavo pamaholidays achizoenda kuchikoro

kwabaminini. Hatina kumbobvira tagara tese nokuti vanoti ndinoroya uye

havagarike navo’ (I do not want any interaction with my

husband`s children they disrespect me and always want to

pick a fights with me. They spend their school holidays

in the rural areas with their grandmother and stay with

their uncle during the school term. We have never lived

31

together because they say I’m a witch and they are

intolerable).

The stepmother and stepchildren feel threatened by each

other and parental involvement is nonexistent.

4.3 Factors influencing parental involvement

Parental involvement of the stepmother is influenced by a

number of factors which are not limited to her actions and

attitudes alone but also those of her stepchildren and family.

The factors include age of the child, beliefs of the

stepmother, preparedness and willingness of the stepmother to

mother nonbiological children.

4.31 Age of the stepchild

The study revealed that parental involvement declines as the

child grows older becomes more independent and the child may

prefer to interact more with their father, biological mother

or relatives of the biological mother. Very few stepmothers

reported that their stepchildren are grateful and take care of

them in turn. Most stepmother described their relationship

with their stepchildren as deteriorating over the years and

that their stepchildren increase hostility and resentment

towards them as they grow. The children become more interested

in their biological mother and if she is alive, they tend to

want to spend more time with her. One stepson was said to have

run away from home to live with his biological mother while

another stepdaughter stayed out late at night with her

biological mother. Stepchildren who cannot relate to the

32

biological parents were said to become engrossed in building

their own families earlier and spend more time with

girlfriends and boyfriends. A 43 year old stepmother describes

the behavior of her stepson:

‘Mwana wemurume wangu atova baba kumwewo, kutotenga magroceries

nehembe achitengera musikana wake ndiripo. Haasina basa nemhuri

yatinayo asi ava kutoda kuita imba yake apa angora nemakore 20

chaiwo. Anotoita all his special moments nemusikana wake sekuti

paChristmas, Easter nemaBirthdays. Dzimwe nguva haatombo rare

kumba. Ndinoona kuti relationship yedu yeivenani achiri mudiki’ (My

stepson is now a husband elsewhere, buying groceries and

clothes for his girlfriend in my face. He is no longer

interested in our family but is trying to build his own

but he is only 20 years old. He spends his special

moments with his girlfriend like Christmas and Easter.

Sometimes he does not even sleep at home and our

relationship was better when he was younger).

Parental involvement of the stepmother reduces as the child

grows older as was revealed in the results of the study.

Bitterly most stepmothers attest that although they were the

ones who took care of their stepchildren the honorable

position on weddings and graduations goes to the biological

mother and also most stepchildren take care of their

biological mother and not the stepmothers who took care of

them. Furthermore stepchildren in adult life were said to seek

advice elsewhere and not from their stepmothers for example

one respondent said her stepdaughter sought solace from an

aunt after a heartbreak and not from her stepmother. One 4533

year old stepmother admitted bitterly that she had no

knowledge that her stepdaughter was in a serious relationship

until people came asking for her hand in marriage and she felt

offended she had been passed by as the mother.

4.32 Length of marriage

The research revealed that parental involvement increases over

time as the stepmother and stepchild warm up to each other.

Most stepmothers described their first interactions with their

stepchildren as, ‘kuerana masimba’ (power struggles), ‘kuzvidzana’

(testing each other), very difficult and strained.’ One 29

year old stepmother describes her relationship with her

stepson over time:

‘Pakutanga aisambo taura kana kuseka kana kuona tv nevamwe asi

nokufamba kwenguva akaona kuti ndaita kuti hupenhu kwake huitenyore

ndopatakatanga kuwirirana zvichingo wedzera nekudzidzana kwataiita.

Iyezvino tinotowirirana and akutombo ndiona saamai mazuva ekutanga

aitoita seanondisema chako’ (At first he did talk to me or laugh

with me then he realized that I made he`s life easier and

started to befriend me. The relationship got closer as we

got to know each other. Now we get along and he sees me

as a mother unlike the first days when he seemed

disgusted by me).

However some stepmothers experience no change in their

relationship with their stepchildren over time while other

attest to the relations getting worse and parental involvement

decreasing and becoming more strained. A stepmother of 3

stepchildren said that:34

‘Mazuva ekutanga zvinhu zvese zvanga zvakanaka asi mazuvano,vana

vacho vakatotanga kutondiitira hutsiye. Vanogona kuviga hembe dzangu

kana kuwedzera heat kuti ndipise ndichibika. Zvinotondipawo kuti ndisava

neshungu navo’ (In beginning everything was fine but now

the children are nasty to me, they hide my clothes or

increase the heat on the cooker so I burn the food. And

this makes me not care about them).

4.33 Beliefs and values of the stepmother

Beliefs of the stepmother also influence her parental

involvement in her stepchildren`s lives. Most stepmother

expressed belief in the idiom, ‘chirere chigokurerawo’ (the one you

take care of will soon take care of you). The stepmother`s

whole hearted involvement is based on the belief that one day

their stepchildren will look back and see the love they fail

to recognize in them in the present and that the products of

their hard work will be reflected in their stepchildren`s

lives. As a stepmother of 2 put it:

‘Nerimwe zuva vana ava vachazotarisa kumasure agoona kuti chete

chandingoda ndechekuti abudirire ndichimudzidzisa zvakamunakira. Zvese

zvandaivaitisa kuwacha nekushanda mugarden ndaitovabatsira namwe

kuvarova kuti vasaba zvese kutozama kuti vabate malife values’ (One

day my stepchild will look back and realize that all I

wanted was for her to prosper, all I taught her was for

her good. When I made her do, laundry, gardening and even

disciplining them for stealing was so I teach her life

values).

35

Christian beliefs also compel most stepmothers to be more

involved in their stepchildren`s lives and treat them like

their very own children. A Christian respondent describes that

way she treats her stepchildren as simply. One participant 32

years old commented that:

‘Spare the rod and spoil the child so I cannot watch my

stepchildren get lost in the world because I will have to

get an account before God of all the people he put in my

life. I’m a Christian and that defines how I treat my

stepchildren. I raise them as for the Lord and not just

for people to see and I try to be the best stepmother I

can be.’ and she went further quoting Colossians 3 verse

23, ‘Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as

working for the Lord, not for human masters.’

4.34 Preparedness of the stepmother

All stepmothers have motherhood thrust upon them without the

customary nine months to prepare. However having prior

knowledge that one`s spouse already has children of his own

helps the stepmother prepare to become a stepmother and

strategize on how to behave and what to expect. It gives them

time to research and ask how to best handle the situation and

discuss with the spouse how they would handle their

interactions and duties. It also gives the stepmother a chance

to decide if she wants to be a stepmother before she gets

married. According to one 25 year old stepmother:

36

‘ndandiri musikana pandakaroorwa asi ndandatova saamai kuvana

vemurume wangu tisati tamboroona zvekuti ndaitoziva zvaitarisira baba

vavo nevana vacho hndaitovaziva saka hapana chakambo nyanyonetsa.

Pandakaroorwa ndandatozvipira kuti ndava amai kune vana vemumwe

wangu and ndandaka togadzirira zvese zvandakanzwa kuti ndinogona

kusangana nazvo zvekuti hapana chakazombo ndichamisa’ (I did not

have children of my own when I got married but I already

knew his children and I was already like a mother to

them, I knew what my husband expected of me and I also

knew the children there were no complications when we got

married. When I got married I had devoted myself to be a

mother to my husband`s children. I was prepared so it did

not take me by surprise).

The research revealed that some of the stepmothers had no

idea that their spouse had children when they got married and

where totally unprepared for their roles. Most stepmothers in

this group act blindly and make more mistakes in their

interaction with their stepchildren. Some stepmothers admitted

that sometime they involuntarily use their stepchildren as

scapegoats to express the betrayal they feel towards their

spouses. This was expressed by a 31 year old stepmother

saying:

‘When I got married I had no idea my husband had been

married before or that he had a child. The day they told

me all this was the very day they left me with the child

so I never got the chance to vent my anger and

frustration or to accept the situation before I began

living with the child. I get angry at her even because of37

trivial things because I see so much of her father in her

and he is a cheat. That is why I do not beat her in my

anger because I am afraid I will hurt her.’

Furthermore anonymity of the situation may also contribute to

the parental involvement becoming distant or limited. That is

when the stepmother has no idea when the child will come, how

long they will stay or even who the biological mother is and

where she is. Results of such an anonymous situation often

include the stepmother being resentful and uncaring towards

the child. In the research one 22 year old stepmother

describes her situation:

‘Ini handina basa nemwana wacho, munhu wekuti handizivi kuti

mai vake ndiyani or kuti arikubva nekupi. Ndinorwadziwa kuti

arikundiita chituta kuti ndingogamuchira zvese zvese’(I do not

care about the child because I do not know anything

about her or where she is from or who her mother is.

I feel hurt and if I accept her then my husband will

take me for granted).

4.35 Willingness of the stepmother to mother her stepchildren

Parental involvement of the stepmother was revealed to also be

limited by the willingness of the stepmother to mother the

child. Stepchildren are described as lazy, disorderly,

dishonest, disrespectful, naughty, rude, reserved, blunt,

unintelligent, unpredictable, and stubborn by most stepmothers

in contrast to the respectful, loving, concerned, intelligent

38

and hardworking descriptions of the biological children. The

description of stepmothering always includes statements that

the child is not really theirs and mostly hints of resentment

and bitterness. The study revealed that parental involvement

is limited in the blended family because stepmothers feel they

are being burdened with burdens that should not be theirs

especially if the biological mother is still alive and well.

Typical descriptions of stepparenting include statements like

this one by a 27 year old stepmother:

‘The child is not my child but I am his mother but

ndinongomutorawo semwana wangu nokuti ndinogara nababa vake. Asi

hazvisiri zvinhu zvakanaka kuti vanga ndichengetesa mwana wemumwe

munhu amai vake variko vachitofara zvavo ini ndichitamba nhamo nemwana

wavo. Ndinongomuchengetawo zvekuti hapana zvekuzviita but handimbodi

zvekustreswa naye anozviziva’ (The child is not my child but I am

his mother so I just treats her like my child because I

live with the child`s father. It is not good for them to

make me take care of someone else`s child while her

mother goes scot free while I suffer to take of her

offspring. I take care of her but there is nothing I can

do about it. I do not want her to stress me and she knows

that).

The data also reveals that other woman end up taking care of

their stepchildren though unwilling because there is no one

else to take care of them. However most first wives would

prefer to retain their control over the family`s finances by

making sure no child is fed separately which would diminish

the family pocket. In the words of a stepmother of 3:39

‘ndikarega achinogara naamai vake mari yepano ingasa perera ikoko?

Anoto gara pano achingodya zvinodya vamwe, hapana chinombosiyana

handi mwana mwana. Ndongoita amai vake like the others hapana

chinonetsa’ (If I let the child stay with the mother then my

family`s finances will be depleted. The child will stay

with me and eat what the other children eat, just like my

children and I will become his mother as I did to my

other stepchildren).

4.36 Bad experiences while stepmothering

Negative experiences with stepchildren also reduce parental

involvement of the stepmother. Like any other relationship

stepmothers and stepchild reinforce each other`s behaviours

and any negative experiences may lead to either the stepmother

or stepchild resorting to avoidance of interaction with each

other. For example one stepmother found that interaction with

the stepchild is very hard she decided to spend more time at

work and the child also spend more time at a friend’s house

only returning when it is necessary like just to sleep. Other

children were sent to live with other relatives because the

stepmother and stepchild cannot get along which reduce

parental involvement of the stepmother to just financial

provision for the child. A 34 year old stepmother said:

‘Takato mutumira kumusha kunogara nambuya vake nokuti zvanga

zvisisaite kuti agare nesu, anoba and anoda kuita zvechihure plus

anondidavira nekumirisana neni’(We had to send her to leave

with her grandmother because she steals and prostitutes.

She also talks back at me and is confrontational).

40

Another 24 year old stepmother also attests to being beaten by

her stepdaughter:

‘My stepdaughter, mwana wandinonzi ndichengete ndiye akamirisana

neni achitondikanda zvibhakera pazere vanhu asi kubva ipapo

handichambodi zvekusanganiswa naye’ (My stepdaughter, a child I

am supposed to take care of confronted me and fought me

in public and since then I do not want any interaction

with her).

4.37 Gender of stepchild

Parental involvement of the stepmother was shown to be

increased in the stepdaughter than the stepson. Boys as

stepchildren are said to be reserved, stubborn, passively

aggressive and unpredictable while stepdaughter are

provocative, loud, manipulative, jealous and moody. The

stepsons tend to keep away from their stepmothersand avoid

interaction with the family as a whole. As one 32 year old

stepmother described her interaction with her stepson as:

‘anoona seuri chinhu kumberi kwake even uchitaura naye anogona

kutokuignorewa. Haambonyanyo taura neni even kutogara pamba pacho

anogara asipo dzimwe nguva akatondiona ndichipinda anobva atobuda.

Hukama hedu hauna kumbonyanyo chinya kubva patakatanga kuzivana. Ne

my stepdaughter takambonetsana mazuva ekutanga nekuti ane

pamuromo but tazonyatsowirira zvedu asi nguva yeadolescence yanga

yakaoma aingo mudhura, kana kungoita mahunhu huri funny funny and

anga ari uncontrollable. Musikana ndiye akakurumidza kuwirirana neni

asi mukomana ari very unpredictable’ (He does not treat me

with respect and can even ignore me at times. He does not41

say much to me and he is not at home most of the time at

time he leaves home when he sees me come in. Our

relationship has not changed much since we first met. I

had problems with my stepdaughter within the first days

because she provocative but we then became friends till

she became an adolescent. Her adolescent years were very

hard; she was moody and exerted funny behaviors and she

was very uncontrollable. Generally the girl warmed up to

me faster but the boy is very unpredictable).

4.4 Experiences of stepmothers

4.41 Influences of the biological mother

One of the main themes stated in the interviews were the

alleged influences of the biological mother. The biological

mother is said to undermine the influences of the stepmother

by constantly bad mouthing her and offering advice against

her. In the research there were 2 types of stepmother those

with stepchildren their spouse`s previous marriage and others

with stepchildren that emerged during the marriage as children

of a second wife or their husband`s infidelity. In both cases

the biological mother was at times alleged to be attempting to

usurp the current wife`s authority and position and win the

husband for herself working together with her biological child

to get rid of the stepmother by proving her an incompetent or

abusive mother. A 25 year old stepmother had this to say:

‘My stepchild anoreva kuna amai vake everytime patinonetsana,

ndinomutswa achichema apa ndisina kumbomubata amai vake vanobva

vaunza baba vake just to cause problems in my marriage’42

(Every time me and my stepchild have a dispute she calls

her mother crying even if I did not hit her and then her

mother tells my husband and this causes problems in my

marriage).

In this light the biological mother is seen as, ‘nyoka yemunhu’

meaning venomous snake which implies she attempts to poison

both the stepmother`s marriage and relationship with her

stepchildren. Furthermore the biological mother having an

affair with the father thus the infamous, ‘smallhouse’ it creates

a financial problem as funds that would have been used on the

blended family become focused on the mother of the

stepchildren and her children. The intervention of the

biological mother leads to reported partially in the family

where the stepmother begins to prioritize her own biological

children in the allocation of funds.

4.42 Problems with discipline

Most stepmothers experience difficulties with disciplining

their stepchildren and most sly away from this duty and leave

it to the father. The stepchildren may resist discipline and

the society and family perceived her as monstrous for trying

to discipline the child. One stepmother testifies that once

her stepdaughter ran away from home when she beat her while

another stepdaughter was reported to have fought her

stepmother who tries to discipline. In the end most report

that they do not discipline their stepchildren and try not to

care about their behavior. Most of time the stepchildren go

without discipline since it is hard for the stepmother to

43

discipline through scolding, punishment or beatings without

being viewed as abusive. The stepchildren are also reported to

react negatively towards their discipline by perhaps crying

for an exaggeratedly long time or going around with a dull

face to make it seem like the stepmother is constantly

harassing them, in Shona, ‘kushungurudzwa’ . A 27 year old

stepmother had this to say about her stepson:

‘Hazviiti kuti ndimurove nekuti ndinototya kuti angazondidzosera uyezve

handikwanisi kuramba ndichidzokera kuna baba vake ndichi murevera

nokuti ndinozoita sendinongogara ndichida kumurovesa kana kuti

ndinomuvenga. Sometimes ndinotokumbira headmaster kuti vamurove

because ini handikwanisi. Or kuti pastor vataure naye’( I cannot

discipline my stepson because I am afraid he will hit me

back and at the same time I cannot constantly be asking

his father to discipline him without sounding like I hate

him. I sometimes ask the headmaster to hit him for me or

the pastor to counsel him).

4.43 Lack of support

Stepmothers reported that they lacked support from both the

society and the family. Many experience name calling from

their stepchildren, family and the society at large names

like, homewracker, ‘muroyi’ (witch). While others remain nameless

to their stepchildren to be referred to as, ‘imi’ (you), or ‘mai

tendai’ which are names usually used on strangers and distant

acquaintance. The stated names show no attachment to the

person they refer to. However a few reported that they had

been welcomed warmly by the family grateful for the mother

44

figure and treat her with respect. The society and church were

largely described by a 34 year old stepmothers as ‘self

seeking and fault seeking.’ As the same stepmother of 34 years

of age put it,

‘vanhu vekuchurch vanhu vakashatisa vanongotsvaga makuhwa vakatongo

mashaya hamuchazombo vaonizve’ (people from church are the

worst people, they are only seek to gossip about you and

if they do not find anything to gossip about then they

will never visit you again).

A 24 year old stepmother admitted that:

‘Mwana wemurume akatorwa neni vanhu vakatarisa. Chakandirwadza

ndechekuti kunze kwekungomisa kurwa hapana akada kupindira nyaya

yacho. Zvandinoziva ini ndezvekuti mwana akarova mai anogarwa naye pasi

otaurwa naye asi nokuti ndiri stepmother hapana akamboita shungu

nazvo, vamwe vakatoseka’ (My stepdaughter fought with me in

public but apart from stopping the fight no one wanted to

get involved whereas if someone tries to fight their

biological mother they counsel the child but because I’m

just a stepmother the family and society are unconcerned

some even laughed at me).

4.4.4 Lack of appreciation

Another common theme was that the step mothering role was a

lot of hard work with no credit from their stepchildren or the

family and society. The stepchildren were described as

ungrateful and hurtful despite whatever effort the stepmother

puts to show her love. As provider and caregiver stepmothers

45

expect to be appreciated by the children they care for and

sacrifice themselves for but most stepmothers feel

unappreciated and despised. For example one stepmother

complained that she did not get anything when the bride price

for her stepdaughter was paid and that at the wedding the

stepdaughter`s mother`s little sister was the one who stood in

for mother and she was not acknowledged even though she had

cared for her since she was 3 years old.

Stepchildren to believe that whatever they are given is the

worst the one no one else wanted despite the stepmother`s

attempts to be fair in the distribution of attention and

resources. Many stepmothers complained that although they

sacrifice for their stepchildren`s benefit they do not get

even a heartfelt thank you and the success of the stepchild is

always attributed to other factors and not acknowledging the

stepmother. For example a 32 year old stepmother complained

that:

‘Vakati taenda kumusha mwana wangu akachena chaizvo, tosvika voti

ande mwana aneutsanana mwana iyeyu saamai vake. Saka vanoreva here

kuti kamwana kane 2 years kazvipfekedza, kuzvigezesa kana kuti kakatenga

hembe kega? Vasinga ngodi kubvuma kuti ndiri kuchengeta mwana

zvakanaka chete’ (We went to the rural areas with my

stepdaughter looking very smart, and the family says the

child is very neat like her biological mother. Do they

mean that a 2 year old child has dressed herself or that

she bathed herself or even bought the clothes she is

wearing on her own? They just did not want to admit that

I was taking good care of the child). 46

4.5 The psychological and behavioral implications of the

experiences of stepmothers

The data addressed the objective of the implications of the

experiences of stepmothers, there were two main types of

implications the stepmother`s experiences had that is

psychological implications and behavioral changes.

Psychological implications included psychosomatic sickness and

negative emotion towards their stepchildren while behavioral

implications included change in patterns like how much time

spends at home and the duties they perform for their

stepchildren.

4.51 Behavioral changes

Most stepmother reported that because of the negative

experiences of stepmotherhood they tend not to care about

their stepchildren. Extreme cases reported feelings of hatred

towards their stepchildren and sometimes their husbands. A 32

year old stepmother said:

‘zvandinomuitira mwana uyu ndezvekuti zvingondibvawo and kuti vanhu

vasanditi ndineutsinye nekuti ndakaona nhamo naye handichambodi

zvinondinetsa. Nokuti anondiitira pamuromo handisisina basa naye nokuti

hatendi zvinhu zvandaisimiitira sekumubiira breakfast kana

kumugadzirira lunchbox ndakaega azviitire ega nezvimwe zvinhu

sekuwacha anongoitirwa nasisi nokuti kana munhu uchiita zvakanaka

munhu anofanirawo kutendwa’ (what I do for this child I just

do so people won`t say I am cruel but she has given ne so

much trouble I no longer want to be bothered. Because she

provokes me I no longer care about her and because she47

does not appreciate me I have stopped doing small things

I used to do for her like making breakfast or preparing

her lunchbox and left her to do itself and other duties

like laundry I let the maid perform because if a person

is nice they should be appreciated).

4.52 Conflicting self perceptions

The stepmothers interviewed reported that having a stepchild

was a constant source of stress and anxiety because the child

is a constant reminder that their partner has been with

someone else and also because the child is a constant source

of conflict in the family. Most stepmothers reported have

problem reconciling the person people think they are which is

a ‘mhunzamusha (home wrecker) and a witch’ and her self-image

as a Christian or just a good person trying to do the best in

a tough situation. A 32 year stepmother reported:

‘Unoziva at times zvinonetsa kuti ndichimboziva kuti what kind of

person yandava nokuda kwezvandinosengena nazvo ndichichengeta mwana

uyu. Zvatinomboitirana nangwe ndikazozviti ndinonamata zvinotonetsa and

hazvimbotaurike zvimwe zvacho’ (Sometimes it is hard to tell

what kind of a person I have become because of the what I

go through as I take care of my stepchild. Because of

what we put each other through it is hard for me to call

myself a Christian. Some of the things are disspeakable).

Some stepmothers also feel monstrous and wicked because that

is the way they are perceived by other people. A 43 year old

stepmother said:

48

‘hahaha ndinomboita zinhu vanhu vakataurisa shuwa and vanhu vanototi

ndiri mhuka chete but I’m only guarding my territory’(I

become a creature in the presence of so many at times and

people must see me as an animal but I’m only guarding my

territory).

Stepchildren were often reported to be calculating and

manipulative giving their father and the family the impression

that their stepmother treats them badly and often the

stepmother retaliates behind closed doors. For example one

stepmother attests to feeding her stepchildren burnt food when

no one is around if they get her angry while another said she

is so fair she sometimes feeds her 16 year old stepdaughter

the same amount of food as her 2 year old daughter because the

stepchild accused her in public of being impartial. The

interaction of the family becomes a never ending battle for

power, the upper hand and the attention and praise of the

husband which is very demanding psychologically. In the end

the myth of the wicked stepmother becomes a self fulfilling

prophesy and behind closed doors where people cannot see she

may seek to harm her stepchildren or make them suffer.

4.53 Psychosomatic illness

The stepchildren are also unpredictable and keep their

stepmothers on edge. Other stepmothers also reported that they

suffer from sugar diabetes, ulcers, high blood pressure and

endless headaches alleging the stress their stepchildren make

them go through was the cause. These illnesses may be49

manifestations of the emotional pressure she is constantly

under. For example a 32 year old stepmother attested that:

‘ndakatobatwa sugar nokuti mwana uyu anotondistressa. Maheadaches

haaperi ndofunga mamwe atova mamigraine chiwo. Anotonditenderedza

musoro stepson wangu uyu’ (I now have sugar diabetes because of

my stepson stressing me. I have endless headaches too I

think they may be migraines, my stepson has my head

spinning around and around).

Chapter summary

This chapter has addressed the findings of the study in line

with the objectives that had been sat. The objectives where to

explore the nature of parental involvement of stepmothers in

their step children’s lives, to describe the experiences of

stepmothers and to describe the psychological implications of

the experiences of stepmothers. The various factors that

influence the parental involvement of the stepmother included

the sex, age of the stepchild, the willingness of the

stepmother to be a mother to her spouse`s children and the

beliefs of the stepmother. While the experiences of the

stepmother included lack of support and the influence of the

biological mother among many as has been stated above.

50

Chapter Five

Discussion, Recommendations and Conclusion

5.0 Introduction

The current chapter seeks to present the conclusion to the

entire study. It will also present recommendations for

51

improving the parental involvement of stepmothers. Limitations

of the study will also be highlighted in this chapter.

5.1 Nature of Parental Involvement

The research was aimed at finding the nature of parental

involvement stepmothers have in their stepchildren`s lives.

The research was centered on stepmothers in Harare.

The data revealed three types of stepmother that is

stepmothers who are very involved in their stepchildren`s

lives, most of the stepmothers were moderately involved in

their stepchildren and a considerable number reported that

they were not involved in their stepchildren`s lives at all.

The results are in contrast with Crohn`s 5 types of

stepmothering styles but they are both arranged by order of

parental involvement in their stepchildren`s lives.

Stepmothers are forced to be more involved in their

stepchildren`s lives because of death of the biological mother

or emigration to the Diaspora which are findings in common

with the findings by Pryor (2004). Most stepchildren had very

few or no alternative source of livelihood and accommodation

either than living with their stepmothers. However unlike most

studies the current study revealed both negative and also

plentiful positive results in the nature of parental

involvement with most participants admitting that they are

involved in their stepchildren`s lives. The results are in

contrast with MacDonald (1996) `s results which were largely

negative and parental involved very low.

52

Despite what is widespread believed that stepmothers are

wicked and uncaring, the research revealed that stepmothers

are in actual fact caring and nurturing just like biological

mothers. A general theme that was revealed in the study was

that stepmothers will never be like the biological mother

despite what mothering duties she performs because she will

represent the loss of the conventional parenting thus the

connotations of bereavement expressed in the every word

stepmother which comes from the English word steop which means

bereave or loss (Humphrey 1988) .Stepmothering is

characterized by naked hostility, criticism, hard work and

little credit while Roper and Capalevila (2009) described

stepmothering as excluded, detached, unappreciated, out of

control, unsupported, battling and irrelevant. Therefore the

findings on the nature of parental involvement of stepmothers

in their stepchildren`s lives are similar to those by Roper

and Capalevia found in their study Her scope as a mother is

limited by varies facts that are not always in her control.

5.2 Factors Influencing Parental Involvement

The research identified 7 factors that influence parental

involvement including the age of the stepchild, length of

remarriage, beliefs of the stepmother, preparedness of the

stepmother, willingness of the stepmother, negative

experiences of the stepmothers while stepparenting and the sex

of the child while a study by Gamache (2010) yielded results

including length of remarriage, age of the stepchildren at the

beginning of the marriage, complexity or simplicity of the

family structure and loyalty of the stepchild to their53

biological mother. Only one factor is common between the two

studies that is the length of remarriage which is concerned

with how long the stepmother and stepchild have lived

together. According to the family system theory they do not

always depend on the characters and behavior of the stepmother

alone but of the entire family. Age of child and sex of child

affect the parental involvement. This reveals how the

stepchild also has a role to play influencing parental

involvement of the stepmother.

According to Webster (1971), the role of the stepmother is

influenced by family interactions as was revealed in the

current study. The family system theory states that a family

is an internal system whose components parts have constantly

shifting boundaries and degrees of resistance towards one

another change and this is revealed in how age of the child

influences parental involvement of the stepmother. Negative

experiences while trying to mother her stepchild were also

revealed to alter the relationship boundaries for the

stepmother and stepchild. Therefore in the current study

parental involvement was seen to evolve over the lifespan of

both the stepmother and the stepchild.

Other factors include the beliefs of the stepmother, her

preparedness to be a stepmother and also her willingness of

the stepmother to mother her stepchild. The evidence revealed

how the stepmother still has control over her relationship

with her stepchild. That is stepmother calculate the cost and

benefits of being involved in the lives of their stepchildren

54

as was suggested by the evolutionary perspective by Smith

(2003).

5.3 Experiences of the Stepmother

The study revealed a vast number of experiences that

stepmothers go through including negative influences of the

biological mother, difficulties disciplining the child, lack

of support and lack of credit while other studies list lack of

support (Doodson, 2012), role confusion (Weaver, 1999) and

failure to meet positive cultural stereotypes and myths and

success in fulfilling the negative stereotypes and myths

(Dainton, 1993) and also the satisfaction of mothering (Brown,

1984). The current study revealed more negative experiences

for the stepmothers however it should be noted that

stepmothers from this study did not suffer from role

confusion. The stepmothers were determined to be like the

mother to the child not to try and be a friend or mentor.

A common experience between the current study and Doodson

(2012)`s study is the problems stepmother experience because

it is hard to discipline their stepchildren without being

perceived as abusive or as using the child as a scapegoat. The

stepmothers in Harare like most stepmother in Gamache`s

research resorted to having someone else discipline their

stepchildren for example the father of the child. Only the

55

very involved stepmothers could also take up the role of

disciplinarian.

Influences of the biological mother in undermining the

stepmother`s authority and bad mouthing her were also a common

experience among the stepmothers in the current study and the

stepmother in Gamache`s study. Biological mothers were

revealed to be the source of plentiful problems between the

stepmother and her stepchildren and also between the

stepmother and her husband. The biological mother in this

study was seen as constantly trying to usurp the stepmother`s

authority and possibly take back her position as wife and

mother in the family.

Stepmothers in the current study also experiences lack of

support from their spouses, the family and the society at

large. Lack of support is a common theme in most study of

stepmothering (Dainton, 1993) and also in Gamache (2010)`s

study. The society expects the blended family to be like the

nucleus family and judge it by the standards of the nucleus

family but they do not support the blended family as they do

the nucleus family. While the conventional family gets

encouragement and advice the stepfamily gets criticism and

abandonment. Such are the experiences of stepmother being

abandoned and isolated in their role. While new brides get

bridal showers to get advice the stepmother is usually not

even welcomed or welcome in her new family. If by any chance

the blended family becomes a success the stepmother is robbed

of her credit for her pivotal role in the family.

56

5.4 Implications of the Experiences of Stepmothers

The study revealed some behavioral implications of the

experiences of stepmother as most stepmother attested that

they no longer care about their stepchildren. Others admitted

they stopped performing other mothering duties they used to

perform for their stepchildren because of negative experiences

and lack of credit. Some stepmothers were even afraid that

they would end up abusing their stepchildren behind closed

door because they also felt abused. The data reveals how good

stepmothers may turn into abusive and cruel stepmothers.

Other results revealed psychosomatic illnesses among

stepmothers that the stepmother thought where because of the

stress their stepchildren put them through. This is in

contrast with Borchard (2009) `s study which revealed that

stepmothers suffered from depression as a result of their

experiences within the blended family. None of the

participants in the current research reported suffering from

depression. The psychosomatic illnesses comprised of endless

headaches, high blood pressure, sugar diabetes and ulcers.

5.5 Limitations

It is to be noted that the self reports of stepmothers present

a bias in that they would tend to make themselves look good

and their stepchildren look bad. Their perceptions of self and

the reasons they gave for the shortcomings of the family would

also tend to place the blame away from them which naturally is

not always the case. Furthermore no stepmother would be

expected to reveal to the researcher that they are abusive and57

was proven in the study because that is a criminal offense.

Another limitation of the study is that it was carried out

with respondents only from Harare therefore the results cannot

be generalized across the population.

5.6 Recommendations

Stepmothers should work at developing a relationship with the

stepchildren`s mother. Stepmothers will benefit from talking

to and sharing with the biological mother of her stepchildren.

Working together is also good is good both for parental

involvement of the stepmother and also for the welfare of the

stepchildren. According to Recker (2010), preparing for the

stepmothering role by gathering data will help the stepmother

with the relationships, family dynamics and expected problems.

Every school should promote partnership of parents and

teachers in the education of the child as this will increase

parental involvement. It will give stepmothers a platform to

participate in social, emotional and also the academic growth

of the child. It will also make the child more reliant on the

stepmother. The stepmother and her husband should also agree

on a common parenting style to promote consistence in the

family. Rule must be clear and punishment consistent.

The family or community should also hold a bridal shower for

new stepmothers to advise them on how to hold their new found

position while the government should also introduction a forum

for stepmothers to share their experiences and encourage each

other. The forum should also be a place where stepmothers can

get access to free professional counseling along with their58

family because stepmothers are also being abused by their

stepchildren while the society can only see the abuse they put

on their stepchildren. The society should be conscientised as

to the experiences of stepmothers and encouraged to support

them as they would biological mothers.

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