Applying Systems Theory to the Forgiveness of InfidelityAlexandra E. Schmidt

Seminar DayAugust 2012

Objectives•Participants will learn basic information about the definitions, types, prevalence rates, and treatment approaches of infidelity.

•Participants will learn how various family theories can be applied to the conceptualization of the forgiveness of infidelity.

Objectives•Participants will learn about some of the various methodological issues associated with current research pertaining to forgiveness and infidelity.

Definitions of Infidelity•“A breach of trust, a betrayal of

a relationship, a breaking of an agreement” (Pittman, 1989, p. 20)

•“A violation of the couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity” (Weeks, Gambescia, & Jenkins, 2003, p. xvii)

•Element of secrecy is key (Lusterman, 1998)

Definitions of Forgiveness•Emotional forgiveness

– Replacing negative emotions (i.e. bitterness and anger) with positive other-oriented emotions (i.e. empathy and compassion)

•Decisional forgiveness – Making a decision not to seek revenge or actively avoid the transgressor

(Worthington, 2003)

Conceptualizing Forgiveness•Most positively viewed:

– Personal growth– Spiritual growth– Relationship reconciliation

•Least positively viewed:– Others’ growth – Pardoning/condoning the behavior

(Butler, Dahlin, & Fife, 2000)

Types of Affairs•Emotional•Physical•Composite

(Drigotas, Safstrom, & Gentilia, 1999)

Types of Affairs•Conflict Avoidance•Intimacy Avoidance•Sexual Addiction•Split Self •Exit

(Brown, 2001)

Prevalence Rates•One or both partners sexually unfaithful in:– 11% of marriages (Treas & Giesen, 2000)

– 70% of marriages (Brown, 2001)

•20% to 50% of American women and 30% to 60% of American men during marriage (Buss & Shackelford, 1997)

How do we explain these variations?

Treatment Approaches•Many incorporate aspects of:

– Trauma approaches•Violation of basic assumptions about how the world works and what to expect from people (Janoff-Bulman, 1989)

– Forgiveness approaches (i.e. DiBlasio, 2000)

•Individual therapy•Couple therapy

Family Theories: Different Lenses•General Systems Theory

•Social Conflict Theory•Social Exchange Theory•Social Learning Theory

General Systems Theory•“A way of looking at the world in which objects are interrelated with each other” (p. 325)

– Reduces labeling and blaming – Focuses on ongoing family processes and patterns

– Acknowledgement of suprasystems•Religious affiliation, ethnic background, social grouping

(Whitchurch &Constantine, 2009)

Social Conflict Theory•Emphasis on competing interests (Farrington & Chertok, 2009)

– Affair to meet the needs of one or both partners outside the committed relationship

Social Exchange Theory•Emphasis on the balance of resources and power in a relationship (Sabatelli & Sheehan, 2009)

– Infidelity as power boost – Withholding forgiveness as redistributing power (Bagarozzi, 2008)

Social Learning Theory•Observational learning (Crosbie-

Burnett & Lewis, 2009)

•Infidelity may be a learned behavior– Influence of paternal infidelity on adult male children (Platt, Nalbone, Casanova, & Wetchler, 2008)

– Parental modeling (Brown, 2001)

Researching Infidelity and Forgiveness

• Strengths–Various conceptualizations –Focus on actual, as opposed to hypothetical, occurrences (Blow & Hartnett, 2005)

–Longitudinal approach (i.e. Amato & Previti, 2003; Amato & Rogers, 1997)

Researching Infidelity and Forgiveness

• Weaknesses–Varying definitions –Lots of clinical opinions and case studies

(i.e. Brown, 2001; Lusterman, 2005; Pittman, 1989; Sori, 2007)

–Often primarily White samples –Convenience sampling (i.e. Platt, Nalbone, Casanova, &

Wetchler, 2008)

–Lack of research addressing effects of infidelity on members of family outside couple subsystem

So, how does this apply to me?• Researchers in Family Studies

• Early childhood development educators and specialists

• Certified Family Life Educators (CFLE)

• Licensed Professional Counselors (LPC)

• Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFT)

Summary•Significant amount of previously conducted research– Limited use of a systemic lens – Limited attention paid to forgiveness

• Variety of treatment approaches and family theories to be applied

• Applicable to many disciplines within Family Sciences

Any questions?

Thank you for your time! Alex Schmidt

M.S. Family Therapy Studentaschmidt2@twu.edu