Post on 13-Jan-2023
AUCE IN WONDERLAND
Adapted from the works of Lewis Carroll
CAST OF CHARACTERS
AUCE \ J ' v..l
MRS. MUMFORD, Alice's Governess
.. TWEEDLEnEE
.QUEEN-G~
DUCHI<SS ~ " KNAVEOFHEARTS 1:j
MAD HA'ITER 'B DORMOUSE
' •
ACTI
SCENE l:A ROOM IN ALICE'S HOUSE
Rabbits Don't Carry Watches ................................ Mrs. Mumford & Alice
Wonderland White Rabbit & Alice
Journey To Wonderland The Company
SCENE 2:V ARlO US LOCATIONS IN WONDERLAND
WonderfuL .........•....•..................••.•..•.•..•.••.•..•.••••. Caterpillar
Never Seen An Egg Like That
Lullaby
A Ball at the Palace
SCENE l:THE MAD HATTER'S GARDEN
ACT II
Tweedledee, Tweedledum, Alice
Duchess, Queen. White Rabbit
Alice, Queen. White Rabbit. Knave, Caterpillar
Four O'Cloclc Tea. ............................................... Mad Hatter & Dormouse
Soon You'll See The Sun Alice, Caterpillar, Knave
The Trial The Company
SCENE 2:A ROOM IN ALICE'S HOUSE
Watch.es (reprise) ................................................. Alice
Finale The Company
.,
THE UGHTS COME UP DOWNSTAGE AND
WE SEE AUCE SEATED AT A DRESSING TABLE. TIIE MIRROR ON THE TABLE IS
SHAPED VERY MUCH LIKE A LARGE HAND-MIRROR. AUCE IS A YOUNG GrRL
SOMEWHERE BElWEEN THE AGES OF TEN AND TWELVE YEARS OLD AND IS
DRESSED IN CLOTHES APPROPRIATE FOR A YOUNG GIRL UVING IN THE GENTRIDED
ENGUSH COUNTRYSIDE OF THE LATE NINETEENTH CENTURY. UPSTAGE IN THE
SHADOWS THERE ARE SHAPES WE CANNOT MAKE OUT Bur WllL LATER BE SEEN AS
1HE •MARKERS* OF •woNDERLAND. • WE HEAR VOICES UGHTL Y CAlLING Our TO
AUCE. SHE IS NOT SURE WHAT SHE IS HEARING.
OFFSTAGE VOICE
(singing) A1ice....Aiice
AUCE
What? Who called?
OFFSTAGE VOICE
(singing) THAT'S THE WAY, YOU SEE
NEVER TO MISS ••••
I know rm atone, but.._
(singing) ROCKABYE AUCE
ON THE TREE TOP
Did someone catt1 Hello?
AUCE.
OFFSTAGE VOICE
AUCE
MRS. MUMFORD
(From offstage) Alice? Oh. Alice. (EOters)
AUCE
(Not noti.cing Mrs. Mumfotd) Is someone there?
page!
(MRS. MUMFORD IS AUCf:4S GOVERNESS.
SHE IS KIND Btrr A BIT OVERBEARING. EVERYTHING ABOtrr HER APPEARANCE AND
DEMEANOR SCREAMS OF ORDERLINESS.)
MRS.M.
Of cou:rne, someone is here, Alice. I am here.
AUCE
Oh. Mrs. Mumford. I thought I heard someone calling.
MRS.M.
You heard me calling. And...you didn't answer.
ALICE
But I thought I heard other things.
MRS.M
ALICE
Yes. Singing and...
MRS.M
Daydreaming again. Alice?
ALICE
No, not daydreaming, Mm. Mumford. Although. ••
MRS.M
Yes, dear? Although what?
ALICE
Well. I was thinking about that rabbit.
MRS.M
What rabbit?
page2
ALICE
Oh. you remember. I told you. The rabbit with the watch. I followed him and I fell down that
rabbit hole and...
MRS.M
Oh. Alice. You were daydreaming.
ALICE
No. Not daydreaming. Thinking. About the rabbit.
MRS.M
Alice. we both know that rabbits donot carry watches.
ALICE
Oh. but this one did. It was attached to a chain that attached to his ..•
MRS.M
Oh. Alice. Next you'll be telling me this furry little creatln'e was wearing a full dress suit.
ALICE
Oh. no. Not a. fuH dress suit. The chain was attached to a vest pocket. And I do believe he was
wearing knickers.
MRS.M
Alice. who knows what is true and what isn't? (Alice looks puzzled) "I" know what is true and
what isn't. A¢ rabbits ~ watches is not truth. it is daydreaming.
ALICE
But. ••
MRS.M
There are no 'buts.'
. . (MUSIC VAMP HAS STARTED)
page3
MRS. M (cont.)
(speaks in time to the music)
TALKING RABBITS?
Yes.
DANCING CARDS?
Yes. Yes.
ALICE
MRS.M
ALICE
MRS.M
AND A QUEEN PLAYING GAMES WITH A BIG PINK BIRD?
ALICE, THA'rS THE MOST PREPOSTEROUS STORY I HAVE EVER HEARD.
ALICE
But, see. You do remember what I told you.
MRS.M
011. yes.
CATS - FAT AND GRINNING
HARES IN JABOT
MOCK TORnES TALKING
NO, DEAR. NO!
(sings)
RABBITS HAVE NEVER HAD 'mE HABIT OF TELLING TIME
AND IF YOU KNOW A RABBIT WHO THINKS HE HAS THE HABIT
WEn BEI"I'ER HAVE A DOCTOR COME AND DOCTOR ON HIS MIND.
UP IS UP, DOWN IS DOWN
ONE IS SKY, ONE IS GROUND
AND A VAlLEY CAN NEVER BE A HilL
page4
ALL THESE SilLY Dll..LUSIONS ONLY LEAD TO FALSE CONCLUSIONS
RABBITS DO~ CARRY WATCHES AND THEY NEVER WILL.
RIGHT IS RIGHT. WRONG IS WRONG
SHORT IS SHORT, LONG IS LONG
THAT'S 1HE WAY IT MUST BE FROM NOW UNTIL
SOMEONE BREAKS THE CONNECTION, Bur TILL THEN -NO CIRCUMSPECTION
RABBITS DO~ CARRY WATCHES AND THEY NEVER WILL.
IUST SUPPOSE WITHOtrr REASON
THAT rnE FOUR YEARLY SEASONS
STARTED SWITCHING BACK AND FORTH AND ALL AROUND
ALL THE MON'IHS Otrr OF ORDER
WHY, rnEYEARCOULDBESHORTER
ITS THE KIND OF THING THAT MAKES A SANE SOCIETY UNSOUND.
WEARING GLOVES ON YOUR TOES
WEARING STOCKINGS ON YOUR NOSE
CAN'T YOU SEE. DEAR. rs JUST NOT APROPOS
YOU MUST LEARN, DEAR. TO FACE IT
EVERYTHING IS WHERE YOU PLACE IT
RABBITS DON'T CARRY WATCHES
AUCE
I KNOW
OF THE FACI'S rVE HAD MY FlLL
MRS.M
YOU CAN'T CHANGE THEM JUST FOR THRILLS
RABBITS DON'T CARRY WATCHES
AND THEY NEVER EVER WILL
AUCE
I KNOW, THEY NEVER EVER WILL.
(TilE MUSIC CONTINUES UNDER)
pageS
MRS.M
Now, flnish brushing your hair, dear. It's almost time for lunch.
ALICE
Yes, Mrs. Mumford.
MRS. MUMFORD
And Alice...do.n't daud!e. (she leaves)
ALICE
(sings)
JUST SUPPOSE- WITHOtrr REASON
THAT THE FOUR YEARLY SEASONS STARTED SWITCHING BACK AND FORTH AND ALL
AROUND
(THE MUSIC CHANGES TO A QUICK. UGHT
RUNNING SOUND)
ALICE Oh. welL Maybe rabbits don't caxry watches .•. but, I know that I saw what I saw when I saw iL
(THE WHITE RABBIT HURRIES IN FROM THE
DARKNESS UPSTAGE. HE IS INDEED WEARING KNICKERS AND CARRIES A WATCIL)
RABBIT
Oh. my goodness. Oh. my goodness. rm late. So very late. Oh. my goodness.
ALICE (Seeing the rabbit) Oh. my goodness!
RAB~IT
No. It i.s not 'your' goodness. It is 'my' goodness. (checks watch) Ohl My goodness.
ALICE Why •• .it's your Isn't it?
page6
RABBIT
Well. the last time I looked. I was me. Goodness! Do you think it is possible that I am not still
me? Maybe I should check. (He moves Alice aside and checks himself in the mirror ... from
several angles.) Well. everything looks as though it's still where it should be. So, I guess rm still
me. Why would you think otherwise?
ALICE
You don't remember me? You don't know who I am?
RABBIT
Young lady, with all that I have on my mind. I sometimes have difficulty remembering who •r
am.
ALICE
rm Alice.
RABBIT
Glad to meet you. Alex.
ALICE
No. Not Alex. That is short for Alexander. My name is A - lice. Alice.
RABBIT
Glad to meet you Alice Alice •
. ALICE
Oh. no. lust one.
RABBIT
lust one what?
ALICE
lust one Alice
RABBIT
I know that.
page7
AUCE
But I think you misunderstood. You said. ..
RABBIT
Oh, my goodness. I'm late.
ALICE
Oh, youre always late.
RABBIT
That is not a very nice thing to say. It's true. but it's not nice to say it Now, I must go.
AUCE
Mister Rabbit, are you by any chance on your way to Wonderland?
RABBIT
On my way to where?
AUCE
You know. That place where I was before.
RABBIT
How should I know where you were before? I'm not a psychic. I'm a rabbit A very late rabbit
AUCE
May l go with you?
RABBIT
Well. l don't see howl could stop you. But if you want to come, you mtist hu:ay. You see, I'm. ..
AUCE
Yes, I know. Youre late. Don't worry.
pageS
(she sings)
riL BE CLOSE ON YOUR HEELS
DOESNT MATTER WHERE YOU GO
OVER HILL, OVER DALE
NEVER FEAR. YOU'LL KNOW
RABBIT
Know what?
AUCE
I'M CLOSE BEHIND AND THERE rM SURE TO STAY
UNTIL I FlND TIIE WAY
RABBIT
The way? To where?
AUCE
TIIE WAY TO THE PLACE tHAT I LONG TO SEE AGAIN
Tim WAY TO WONDERLAND
RABBIT
Alice. we really must go.
MUSTN'T STOP, MUSTN'T WAIT
OR YOU SEE, I'lL BE LATE
THO I'M NOT SURE WHAT rM SURE rVE GOT SOME PLANS
SO, LETS BE OW TO- WONDERLAND.
PARDON ME, MUSTN'T STAY
GOTTOBEONMYWAY
WE'RE OFF TO KEEP A DATE wrm SOMETHING GRAND
WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO WONDERLAND
THRU THE LOOKING GLASS
OVER MAGIC PASS
BY ENCHANTED GARDENS WE WILL 00
pago9
RABBIT
COME ALONG
MUSTN'T WAIT
OR YOU SEE
WE'LL BE LATE
TIME IS WASTING, COME
AND TAKE MY HAND
TOGETHER
WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO WONDERLAND
ALICE
ALICE
HOW WELL I KNOW
COME ALONG
MUSTN'T WAIT
ORYOUSEE
WELL BELATE
HERE, TAKE MY HAND
(MUSIC CONTINUES UNDER)
Oh. Mister Rabbit. There is one thing. Do we have to go down that awful hole again?
RABBIT
Awful hole?
ALICE
Well. no disrespect intended. but the fall down the rabbit hole jostled me terribly the last time.
RABBIT
Well. as a matter of fact. I planned on taking the mirror •
. ALICE
Taking the mirror?
RABBIT
Yes. I thought we might take the shortcut. Thru the looking glass.
page 10
(AS HE SINGS THE RABBIT LIFrS THE
MIRROR FROM IT'S PLACE ON THE DRESSER)
RABBIT
THRU THE LOOKING GLASS
OVER MAGIC PASS
BY ENCHANTED GARDENS WE
WILL GO
TOGETHER
COME ALONG, MUSTN'T WAIT
OR YOU SEE WE'LL BE LATE
ALICE
LOOKING THRU THE LOOKING GLASSES
I CAN SEE THE MAGIC PASSES
IWANTTOGO
TIME IS WASTING COME AND TAKE MY HAND
WERE ON OUR WAY TO WONDERLAND
ON OUR WAY TO WONDERLAND.
FIGURES APPEAR IN THE SHADOWS. A
MIST Fn.LS THE STAGE. ONE OF THE ElGURES TURNS THE DRESSER AND WE SEE
THAT IT IS A GrANT MUSHROOM. TIIREE OTHER ElGURES ARE CARRYING OVERSIZED
REPUCAS OF mE MIRROR mE RABBIT HOLDS. AUCE AND THE RABBIT STEP THRU
EACH OF THE MIRRORS AS TilEY APPROACIL THE LIGHTS ARE SUDDENLY ABLAZE
WITH COLOR..SHARP CRA YOLA BANDS. FIGURES CROSS THE STAGE TRAILING WIDE
RIBBONS AND KITES THAT IN TURN HOLD BIRDS AND BUTTERFLIES. BLOCKS ARE
MOVED INTO PLACE (PERHAPS CLUBtDIAMONDISPADFJAND HEART SHAPES?). THESE
SHAPES WIIL LATER BE MOVED LIKE CHESS PIECES OR TOY BLOCKS TO FORM
NEEDED FURNITURE (TEA TABLE, JURY BOX ETC.) THE FIGURES DISAPPEAR BEHIND
UPSTAGE PANELS AND RE-EMERGE AS WONDERLAND CHARACTERS. THEY DANCE
ABOtiT AS THE RABBIT MOVES ALICE AROUND THE STAGE. SOON ALICE AND THE
RABBIT ARE LEFT ALONE ONSTAGE.
ALICE
(looking about) How extraordinary.
page 11
RABBIT
What?
ALICE
We are here.
RABBIT
Yes, we are here. But I can't stay here. I'm late and I have to get somewhere else.
ALICE
I should like to stay here •. .just for awhile. To look around a bit.
RABBIT
Look around at what?
ALICE
I could meet you later.
RABBIT
Very welL Meet me later. (starts to leave)
ALICE
But Mister Rabbit, where shall I meet you?
RABBIT
Why, wherever I'm at. (b.e leaves)
ALICE
But, where will that be? Mister Rabbit. Oh. dear. Now I shall have to find him on my own. He
always seems to be in a hurry. Poor Mister Rabbit.
CATERPU..LAR
(appearing from behind one of the upstage panels and making his way towrds the mushroom)
How do you know that he is a poor rabbit?
page lZ
•
AUCE
Oh! I didn't see you there.
(THE CATERPITLAR IS VERY MUCH IN LOVE
WITH HIMSELF. PERHAPS IT IS BECAUSE HE IS AWARE THAT HE WILL SOMEDAY BE A
BU'ITERFL Y AND TinS MYSTICAL TRANSFORMATION HAS GIVEN HIM REASON TO
FUNCTION ON A InGHER PLANE. INDEED HE SEEMS TO NOT TALK TO YOU, BUT
AT .. .AROUND ... OR ABOVE YOU.)
CATERPILLAR
How could you? I wasn't there before. Now ... as I said •. .How do you know he is a poor rabbit?
He looks well dressed to me. He's probably a very rich rabbit.
ALICE
Oh. but that's not what I mean.
CATERPILLAR
Then why don't you say what you mean? Pedlaps you don't know what you mean.
ALICE
Oh. I know what I mean. It's you who don't know what I mean.
CATERPILLAR
Nonsense. I know what everything means.
ALICE
I don't think anyone knows what everything means.
CATERPILLAR
Listen! One plus one equals two . Two plus two equals four. Four plus four equals eight Eight
plus eight is eighty-eight.
ALICE
Oh,no.
page 13
. •
CATERPILLAR
Oh, no ... what?
ALrCE
Eight plus eight equals sixteen.
CATERPILLAR
[s that what I said?
ALICE
No. You said eight plus eight is eight-eight
CATERPILLAR
Well. if that is what I said, then it must be so.
ALICE
But it isn't so. Eight plus eight equals sixteen.
CATERPILLAR
That can't be right
(THE CATERPILLAR MOVES TO ONE OF THE
BLOCKS AND PULLS UP A PANEL THAT IS A BLACKBOARD)
CATERPILLAR(cont)
Now, how do you make a sixteen?
ALICE
With a one and a six.
CATERPILLAR
(writing on the blackboard) lust as I thought A one and a six make sixteen. But •. an eight and an
eight make eighty-eight
ALICE
No, you didn't do it correctly ...
page 14
CATERPILLAR
Don't be stubborn. ICs not a becoming quality. People wont like you.
AUCE
Oh. you're impossible.
CATERPILLAR
Impossible? No. No, no, no. I'm wonderful. And if I'm not. . .someday I shall be. Everybody tells
me so. Wonderful. Wonderful.
AUCE
I've never known anyone so full of himself. You're conceited.
CATERPILLAR
Nonsenser I 'm modest. I am a modest. .. unassuming ... genius. {sings)
BRING YOUR PROBLEMS, I WILL SOLVE THEM
WANT SOLUTIONS? I'LL EVOLVE THEM
I'M WONDERFUL
I CAN CURE THECOMPUCATION
IN MOST ANY SITUATION
I'M WONDERFUL
I'M AN EXCELLENT PHYSICIAN
QUITE AT HOME IN ANY KITCHEN
WHAT I MEAN IS: I'M A DOCTOR AND A COOK
I'M A wmz AT MATHEMATICS
(YOU SHOULD COME SEE MY QUADRATICS)
WHY SOMEDAY I TIIINK I JUST MIGHT WRITE A BOOK.
I CAN CLEAR UP ANY ~ST'RY
WHETHER CURRENT OR IN HIST'RY
I'M WONDERFUL
page 15
. . AND rM SURE YOU FIND IT PLEASANT
TO BE STANDING IN MY PRESENCE
rM WONDERFUL
EVERYONE KNOWS THERE'S NO KILLER-DILLER
QUITE KILLER-DILLERED AS THIS CATERPILLAR
WON ..• WON ... WON •.. WON ... WONDERFUL
(He pushes the blackboard back into place as he talks)
So, you see, when you think of me - and you must thin:l,c of me •.. everyone does - think of me as
special.
AUCE
You think enough of yourself that no one else need bother.
CATERPILLAR
Oh. it's no bother. People enjoy admiring me.
(sings)
EVERYONE KNOWS THERE'S NO KILLER-Dn.LER
QUITE KILLER-DULERED AS THIS CATERPH.LAR
rM WON ••• WON ••• WON ••• WON ... WONDERFUL
WON ••• WON ... WON .•• WON ... WONDERFUL
WON ... WON ... WON ... WON ••• WONDERFUL.
(He leaves as the music trails off)
AUCE
Well, I never.
(FROM BEHIND TWO MORE PANELS COME
TWEEDLEDEE AND 1WEEDLEDUM. TilEY ARE LIKE 1WO MISCHIEVOUS MUNCHKINS
WHO CRAVE ATTENTION.)
DEE
You never what?
page 16
• •
AUCE
I beg your pardon? .
DUM
Oh. come on. Tell us. You never what?
AUCE
Well. I was really referring to a caterpillar I just met.
DEE
A caterpillar?
DUM
r ve never met a caterpillar.
DEE
Neither have L
DUM
(to Alice) You must tell us about it sometime.
DEE
Not now. But sometime.
DUM
Do you like recitations?
ALICE
Why, yes. I sometimes do recitations at home. Would you like to hear one?
DEEANDDUM
No!
DEE
You do yours at home. We'll do ours here.
DUM Sit down. Over there.
page 17
DEE
I'm Tweedledee.
DUM
rm Tweedledum
DEEANDDUM
Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How we wonder what you're at
Up above the world you fly
Like a tea tray in the sky.
Do you know that one?
DEE
ALICE
Well. ·it sounds fami.liar. But it's not exactly as I remember it.
DUM
What about this one?
Bumpity Dumpity sat on a wall
Bumpity Dumpity had a great fall
ALICE
Don't you mean Humpty Dumpty?
DEE
No. Bumpity Dumpity. A friend of ours. Actually .• .he's an egg.
DUM
A little bit hard-boiled sometimes, but still, we think he's a good egg.
DEE
Would you like to meet him?
page 18
AUCE
That would be nice.
DUM AND DEE MOVE TO A WING AND PULL
ON A SECTION OF WALL ON TOP OF WlflCH SITS DUMPITY. HE BEARS A
REMARKABLE RESEMBLANCE TO HUMPTY DUMPTY (PRIOR TO HIS FALL))
AUCE
r don't think rve ever seen such a large egg before.
DEE
Come on down. Bumpity and say hello to .•. to ••.
AUCE
Alice.
(DEE AND DUM LIFr BUMPITY (A LIFESIZE
STIJFFED FIGURE) DOWN FROM THE WALL .BUMPITY IS RIGGED TO BE AITACHED TO
THE SIDES OF DEE AND DUM. DUM MAKES BUMPITY'S HA!\"D WAVE "Ill.")
DUM
He doesn't talk much.
DEE
But he's very unusual, don't you think?
DEE&DUM
(sing)
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN EGG LIKE HIM BEFORE
IN A CARTON IN YOUR LOCAL GROCERY STORE
ALICE
rLL BET NO ClfiCKEN HAD A HAND IN HATCHING THAT
page 19
DEEANDDUM
HAVE YOU EVERS~ AN EGG THATS QUITE TillS BIG
EVEN BIGGER THAN OUR UNCLE'S SUCKLING PIG
rF HE EVER WERE TO FALL DOWN OFF IllS WALL HE'D MAKE A SPLAT.
rF YOU WANT TO TAKE HIM OUT TO LUNCH YOU'RE TAKING QUITE A GAMBLE
EVERY COOK THAT GETS A LOOK AT HIM 'WILL HAVE TIIE URGE TO SCRAt\.ffiLE
ALICE
HAVE YOU NOTICED TIIAT IllS COLOR'S NOT QUITE RIGHT?
WOULDN'T WANT TO BE AROUND THIS EGG AT NIGIIT
IS HE JUST ONE OR DO YOU THINK THERE MIGHT BE MORE?
AND WHO CAN TElL
WHAT'S IN THAT SHELL
NOT YOU. NOT ME
DEEANDDUM
rM SURE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN AN EGG LIKE t1!M BEFORE.
<THEY GO INTO A DANCE WITH DEE AND
DUM OPERATING BUMPITY AS A T'"rliRD PERSON IN TriEiR CHORUS LIN.t:. i
AIL
rF YOU EVER RUN ACROSS AN EGG LIKE THIS DOI,rT TRY TO FOActi u
&~CISE A BIT OF CAUTION EV'RY TIME THAT YOU APPROACH IT
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN.EGG LIKE THIS BEFORE . .
IN A CARTON IN YOUR LOCAL GROCERY STORE
ALTIIOUGH WE lUST KNOW ON.t:.. wtiO :KNOWS
TIIERE MIGIIT BE MORE
AND WHO CAN TELL
WHATS IN THAT SHEIL
NOT YOU. NOT ME
rM SURE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN AN EGG LII'~ TillS BEFORE.
NOT EVER BEFORE.
NEVER EVER BEFORE.
~RESURE.
page20
(THE END OF THE SONG HAS CARRIED
TWEEDLEDEE, TWE~DLEDUM AND BUMPITY OFFSTAGE. ALICE FOLLOWS BUT IS
BACKED INTO VIEW AGAIN BY THE WIDTE RABBIT WHO PACES IN QUICKLY)
RABBIT
The Queen of Hearts she made some tarts. Oh, my goodness. The Knave of Hearts he stole the
tarts. Oh. my goodness.
ALICE
Mister Rabbit rm so glad you found me.
RABBIT
(still pacing) Made the tarts. Stole the tarts. GOodness.
ALICE
rve met some most unusual people. Well, actually ... they weren't people. Not in the strictest sense
of the word.
RABBIT
All on a summer's day. Stole the tarts away. At least that's what they say.
ALICE
Mister Rabbit! What is all this mumbling about tarts?
The Queen of Hearts
She made some tarts
all on a summer day
The Knave of Hearts
He stole the tarts
And took them quite away.
RABBIT
ALICE
Is that a riddle? If it is, it's not a very good one.
page 21
RABBIT
No, it's not a riddle. It'~ the truth. Or at least. the Queen thinks it is the truth. And that's the same
thing.
ALICE
Well. thinking something is true doesn't necessarily make it so.
RABBIT
It does if you're the Queen of Hearts.
QUEEN
(from offstage) Off with his head!
(THERE IS A FANFARE AND THE QUEEN
APPEARS FROM BEHIND ONE OF THE UPSTAGE PANELS. SHE IS FOLLOWED BY THE
DUCHESS. THE QUEENS "CHEW THE SCENERY" PERSONALITY AND "GET OUT OF· MY
WAY" COSTUME ARE INDICATIONS OF HER ERRATIC AND SELF-INDULGENT
QUAUTIES. THE DUCHESS APPEARS TO BE SOME KIND OF CROSS BETWEEN A ROYAL
PERSONAGE AND A HOUSE FRAU. SHE CARRIES A PIG WRAPPED IN A BABY
BLANKET.)
QUEEN
Off with ... Off with ... (to Rabbit) Where is he?
RABBIT
Not here, your majesty.
QUEEN
I can see that. (to Alice) Do you know where he is?
ALICE
Who?
QUEEN
The Knave of Hearts.
page 22
ALICE
No, I don't.
QUEEN
Who are you?
ALICE
Well, I'm not the Knave of Hearts. My name is Alice.
QUEEN
Well. if you haven't seen the Knave of Hearts I suppose you haven't seen my tarts. He stole them,
you know.
ALICE
How can you be sure?
QUEEN
Well. he painted the roses red. didn't he?
ALICE
I don't know. (looks at Rabbit) Did he? (Rabbit nods 'yes.')
QUEEN
I specifically ordered that red roses be planted in my garden and the Knave planted white roses
instead. Then, in order to fool me .. .he thought • .he went about painting the white roses wih red
paint
ALICE
But what has that got to do with your tarts?
QUEEN
Well, it proves that the Knave is sneaky. And it takes a sneaky person to steal my tarts. So, the
Knave must be guilty.
(THE BABY CRIES)
page23
QUEEN(cont)
Can't you keep that bab_y quiet?
DUCHESS
The baby wants to play. Can't we play something? A game.
QUEEN
Yes! A game. (to Alice) Do you play croquet?
ALICE
Yes, I do. Rather welL
QUEEN
We'll see about that.
(THE RABBIT BRINGS A PINK FLAMINGO TO
THE QUEEN WinCH SHE SWINGS LIKE A MALLET. THE DUCHESS PLACES THE BABY
ON THE GROUND IN FRONT OF A WICKET. AN "ENGLISH GARDEN" THEME PLAYS
UGHTL YIN THE BACKGROUND. JUST AS THE QUEEN PREP ARES TO STRIKE THE
BABY, ALICE SCREAMS OUT ••• )
ALICE
Stop. You can't do that.
QUEEN
Are you making up new rules? Only I can do that, you know.
ALICE
You can't hit the baby with the bird.
QUEEN
Then how ace we to play ccoquet? (Alice tries to answer, but. .. ) Oh, never mind. I win!
ALICE
How can you be the winner? We didn't play.
page24
QUEEN
Well, I would have w~o if you had let me play. I always win.
DUCHESS
If we can't play ccoquet. then let's play football.
QUEEN
Football! Oh, I'm so glad I thought of it.
ALICE
But you didn't think of it.
DUCHESS AND RABBIT
Boom-a-laka. Boom-a-laka
BisBoomBah
Pass that baby
Rah.! Rab.l Rahl
FIN AIL Y THROWING IT TO THE QUEEN)
ALICE
Stop that this instant.
QUEEN
(THEY BEGIN TO TOSS THE BABY AROUND,
You are very hard to please. Here, hold the Duchess's baby.
ALICE
(takes the baby and unwraps the blanket so we see it is a pig) Oh, my goodness. This isn't a baby.
DUCHESS
Of course, it is.
ALICE
But it looks like a pig.
page 25
•
QUEEN
Are you saying the Du<;hess's baby looks like a pig?
RABBIT
Maybe it's a baby pig.
ALICE
And if it's a baby, it's awfully big.
DUCHESS
Who says my bab~ is a big pig?
ALICE
I'm sorry, but it does look like a pig.
DUCHESS
So? You don't like pigs?
ALICE
Well. I never really thought about it.
QUEEN
(takes baby and gives it to Duchess) Here. Put it to sleep.
Rock-a-bye piggy
On the tree top
It is rather cute .. .for a pig.
DUCHESS
RABBIT
(THE DUCHESS SINGS A LULLABY WITH
THE RABBIT AND QUEEN ACTING AS HER BACK-UP SINGERS. TO ALICE IT MUST
APPEAR LIKE THE SUPREMES TRAPPED IN A BRECHT/WEILL CABARET)
page 26
..
DUCHESS
THE COOK'S IN THE. KITCHEN
SHE'S MAKING A BIG POT OF SOUP (Rabbit & Queen:SHOO BE DOOP SHOO BE DOOP)
THE MAJOR INGREDIENTS ARE RAINCOATS, UMBRELLAS AND BOOTS
THE TASTE ISN'T GREAT BUT THE NEXT TIME IT'S RAINING INSIDE
YOU WONT HAVE TO WORRY YOU'RE DIGESTIVE TRACf WILL BE DRY.
HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE THE CAT AND THE FIDDLE WILL SOON
BE PLAYING A TUNE SO THE COW CAN IUMP OVER THE MOON
THE LITTLE DOG'S LAUGIDNG, HE TillNKS THAT THEY'RE HAVING GREAT FUN
THE DISH MET THE SPOON AND THEY'RE SOON GONNA BE ON THE RUN.
ROCK-A-BYE PIGGY ON THE TREE TOP
ROCK-A-BYE PIGGY ON THE TREE TOP
DUCHESS&QUEEN&RABBIT
THE COOICS IN THE KITCHEN, SHE'S MAKING A BIG POT OF SOUP
SHOO BE DOOP, SHOO BE DOOP, SHOO BE DOOP
THE MAJOR INGREDIENTS ARE RAINCOATS, UMBRELLAS AND BOOTS
SHOO BE DOOP, SHOO BE DOOP, SHOO BE DOOP
DUCHESS
COME MISTER SANDMAN AND SPRINKLE MY DEAR BABY'S EYES
THE DUCHESS IS TIRED OF SINGING THIS LULLABY
QUEEN & RABBIT
ROCK-A-BYE PIGGY ON THE TREE TOP
DUCHESS&QUEEN&RABBIT
ROCK! ROCK! ROCK!
ALICE
What a strange lullaby that was.
page 27
DUCHESS
It wasn't strange when it came out of my mouth. If it was strange when it went into yocr cars.
well. that is your problem. E.xcuse me. r,·e got to put the liale darling to bed. (Le:n es)
QUEEN Now, where was 1? Ob., yes ... Off with his head!
RABBIT
Your majesty. (she looks) He's not here.
QUEEN
Who?
RABBIT
The kna\·e of Hearts.
QUEEN
Oh. You're right. Well.. don't just stand tha-e. Find him.
RABBIT
Yes, your majesty. Right away. (leaving} Oh, my goodness.
ALICE
You know you can't just cut off his head.
QUEEN I can cut off any head that I like.
ALICE
First you must prove that he stole your tans.
QUEEN
Prove? How?
ALICE
Well, you could give him a trial.
page 28
QUEEN A trial? Now that might be fun. Oh, but if we have a trial we'll need things like lawyers and
bailiffs and ... you know ...
CATERPILLAR
(entering) Pemaps I can be of service.
ALICE
Oh, no. Not you again. Don't tell me you're a lawyer too.
CATERPILLAR
All right. I wont tell you. I'll let you fmd out for yourself. (to Queen) Whom am I to represent?
QUEEN
The Knave of Hearts.
CATERPILLAR
And where, may I ask. can I find this gentleman?
(THE RABBIT ENTERS WITH THE KNAVE OF
HEARTS. HE IS - QUITE LITERALLY - A CARD.)
RABBIT
Right here. I've found him, your majesty.
QUEEN
Good. Now, off with his head.
KNAVE
What?
ALICE
No, your majesty. The trial comes first.
QUEEN
Oops. I forgot.
page 29
KNAVE
What trial?
CATERPILLAR
Your trial. I am to be your lawyer.
KNAVE
Is this about the roses? (to Queen) There are no more white roses, your majesty.
QUEEN
Not now. But what if it rains? All of that red paint will be washed away and there will be no
more red roses ... only white ones.
ALICE
This has nothing to do with the roses.
KNAVE
Who are you?
RABBIT
That's Alice.
KNAVE
You're not the Queen's lawyer, are you?
ALICE
Oh. heaven's no.
KNAVE
Good. If this isn't about the roses, then why must I have a trial? Why does she want to cut off my
head.
RABBIT
(Opens a proclamation and reads) The Queen of Hearts made some tarts, all on a sununer day.
The Kanve of Hearts stole the tarts and took them quite away.
page JO
KNAVE
No, Ididn1t
QUEEN Yes, you did.
KNAVE
No, I didn1t
QUEEN Yes, you did.
CATERPILLAR
This is good. Good.
ALICE
Why is it good?
CAT
There are two sides to the story. That will make the trial more interesting.
QUEEN When the trial is over, I think ru have a big celebration.
ALICE
How do you know you•ll have a reason to celebrate?
RABBIT
She's right, your majesty. Perhaps we should celebrate before the trial, then it wont matter if we
have a reason.
QUEEN Good idea. How shall we celebrate?
RABBIT
Well, we could have a ball.
page 31
QUEEN Oh, I know! We could.have a ball. Yes. A ball. I'm so glad I thought of it.
ALICE
But, you didn't think of it.
RABBIT
(to Alice) Shhh!
QUEEN
(sings)
A BALL AT THE PALACE, THE PALACE, THE PALACE
A BALL AT THE PALACE
RABBIT
FORAUCE!
ALICE
FORME?
ALL (except Alice)
A BALL AT THE PALACE, THE PALACE, THE PALACE
A BALL AT THE PALACE
THERE'S GOING TO BE
ALICE
WHERE IS THERE TO BE A BALL?
ALL
THEPALACE,THEPALACE
ALICE
WHO IS GOING TO GIVE THE BALL?
QUEEN
page 32
RABBIT
NATURALLY, THE QUEEN. (Queen: "Yes!")
KNAVE
AND FOR WHOM IS IT T o bE.-
QUEEN & RABBIT
FOR ALICE, FOR ALICE.
ALL
AND THE BALL IS BOUND TO BE THE BEST YOU'VE EVER SEEN
KNAVE
(to Alice)
YOUR HAIR CAN BE DONE UP WITH RIBBONS AND FLOWERS
YOUR DRESS CAN BE TRIMMED WITH THE FINEST OF LACE
QUEEN AND I SHALL BE WRAPPED IN MY MINK -NO, MY ERMINE
WITH DIAMONDS ALL OVER THE PLACE
RABBIT
I GUESS THAT rLL HAVE TO WEAR FORMAL ATTIRE
MY WHITE Till, MY TAILS AND MY NEW EASTER HAT
CATERPILLAR
AND I SHALL APPEAR IN MY BUTTERFLY CAPELET
ALL EYES WILL BE ON ME IN THAT
ALL
A GOOD TIME IS COMING FOR ALL
FOR IN HONOR OF ALICE
THERE IS AT THE PALACE TO BE A BALL.
A BALL. A BALL. A BALL. A BALL.
page 33
(Chanted)
A BALL AT THE P ALA.CE, THE PALACE, THE PALACE
A BALL AT THE PALACE FOR ALICE
ALICE
FORME!
ALL
A BALL AT THE PALACE, THE PALACE, THE PALACE
A BALL AT THE PALACE THERE'S GOING TO BE.
(The following sections are all sung at the same time)
ALICE: AH. ..........
QUEEN :A BALL AT THE PALACE
A BALL AT THE PALACE
A BALL AT THE PALACE
THERE IS TO BE
RABBIT & KNAVE: A BALL, A BALL, A BALL, A BALL
A BALL, A BALL, A BALL, A BALL.
CATERPILLAR: THERE IS TO BE, THERE IS TO BE, THERE IS TO BE A BALL
THERE IS TO BE, THERE IS TO BE, THERE IS TO BE A BALL.
ABALLATTHEPALACE
FOR ALICE AT THE PALACE
AT THE PALACE FOR ALICE
A BALL, A BALL
ALL
A BALL, A BALL, A BALL, A BALL, A BALL
A BALL
A .............. BALL, A BALL, A BALL, A BALL, A BALL
A BALL.
END ACT 1
page 34
ACT II
THE LIGHTS COME UP ON THE GARDEN OF
THE MAD HATTER. THE HATTER AND THE DORMOUSE ARE SIN'GING AND SETTING
UP THE TEA TABLE. EVERYTHING ON THE TABLE INCLUDING A COLORFUL POTTED
PLANT LOOKS AS THO IT CAME FROM AN ANIMATED CARTOON. ALICE ENTERS AND
STOPS TO LISTEN AND WATCH.
HATTER & DORMOUSE
(singing)
WE ALWAYS HAVE OUR FOUR 0' CLOCK TEA
PRECISELY AT THE STROKE OF THREE
FOR THAT'S THE WAY YOU SEE
NEVER TO MISS YOUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA
WE ALWAYS HAVE OUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA
PRECISELY AT THE STROKE OF THREE
FOR THAT'S THE WAY YOU SEE
NEVER TO MISS YOUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA.
ALICE
What did you say?
DORMOUSE
What did we say?
HATTER
If it's a secret, we'll give it away.
DORMOUSE
Is it a secret?
HATTER
I don't know, my friend.
page 35
DORMOUSE
How can we tell?
HATTER
We'll sing it again.
(they do)
WE ALA WAYS HAVE OUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA
PRECISELY AT THE STROKE OF THREE
FOR THAT'S THE WAY YOU SEE
NEVER TO MISS YOUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA
DORMOUSE
Says who?
ALICE
Says me.
HATTER
Come here, little filly.
ALICE
Why do you have your four o'clock tea at three?
HATTER
You know, I think she's talking to me.
We have it at three so we wont be late for four.
ALICE
That doesn't make sense.
DORMOUSE
It did before.
ALICE
Then why don't you call it three o'clock tea?
page 36
HATTER
Oh! That would mean starting at two. You see?
DORMOUSE
I don't think she does. You'd better restate.
HATTER
If we waited till three, we'd surely be late.
ALICE
For four?
HATTER
No! Three.
DORMOUSE
That's why we'd start at two
ALICE
But it's so confusing.
HATTER
Only to you.
HATTER & DORMOUSE
(sing)
WE ALWAYS HAVE OUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA
PRECISELY AT THE STROKE OF THREE
FOR THATS THE WAY YOU SEE
NEVER TO MISS YOUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA.
HATTER
Come. Join us for tea.
(THE HATTER AND THE DORMOUSE TAKE THE ONLY
TWO AVAILABLE CUPS.)
page 37
ALICE
But, I don't have a cup.
DORMOUSE
No cup? Bad luck.
HATTER
If you don't have a cup, how will you drink tea?
DORMOUSE
Out of the pot?
HATTER
Well. let's see.
(THE HATTER TAKES THE POT AND POURS TEA DOWN
THE THROAT OF THE DORMOUSE.)
ALICE
Is that how you expect me to drink my tea?
HATTER
If that's what you want, it's all right with me.
(THE HA ITER PICKS UP A KNIFE AND A
LOAF OF BREAD. THE DORMOUSE PICKS UP A JAR OF JAM.)
ALICE
Are we going to have some jam and bread?
HATTER
Jam and bread?
ALICE
Yes. Jam and bread.
page 38
HATTER
Well, 1 suppose we co~d have jam and bread; but I'd rather have bread and jam instead.
ALICE
But, isn't that the same ...
HATTER
Oh, no! ru show you where the jam should go. (to Dormouse) Hold out your hand and get some
jam.
(THE HA TIER SMEARS JAM ON THE HAND
OF THE DORMOUSE AND THEN THE TWO TURN TO ALICE.)
HATTER & DORMOUSE
Hold out your hand and get some jam. Hold out your hand and get some jam.
ALICE
Stop it!
HATTER
She's right, my friend. It's time for four o'clock tea again.
HATTER & DORMOUSE
WE ALWAYS HAVE OUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA
PRECISELY AT THE STROKE OF THREE
FOR THAT'S THE WAY YOU SEE
NEVER TO MISS YOUR FOUR O'CLOCK
FOUR O'CLOCK
FOUR O'CLOCK TEA.
(THE CATERPILLAR ENTERS TALKING TO
THE KNAVE.)
CATERPILLAR
No, no, no, no no! You must admit to nothing.
page 39
KNAVE
I d.idn'L I only said I ~asn't guilty.
CATERPILLAR
What has that got to do with anything?
ALICE
What's going on?
CATERPILLAR
We haven't much time. The Queen will be here at any moment to start the trial.
ALICE
But what about the ball?
KNAVE
She called it off. She thinks the trial will be more fun than a ball at the palace. It's all so
depressing.
ALICE
You musn't say thaL After all, you're innocenL •. aren't you?
KNAVE
Yes, I am.
ALICE
Then, we'll prove it at the trial and you'll go free. (to Caterpillar) Wont he?
CATERPILLAR
Well, we may have to take it to a higher court.
KNAVE
But there isn't anyone higher than the Queen of Hearts.
ALICE
What about the King of Hearts?
page 40
HATTER &DORMOUSE Hah!
KNAVE
I'm doomed.
CATERPILLAR
Stop saying that! You're filling the air with bad vibrations. Think good thoughts.
(speaks in time to music) I don't believe in moping. I believe in hoping. (sings)
IF MY HOROSCOPING'S TRUE
SOON WE'LL SEE THE SUN COJ.\.1E SHINING THRU
ALICE
He's right. Cheer up. It's going to work out.
(sings)
GRIEF IS TOO CONFINING
LOOK FOR SILVER LININGS
THEY CAN HELP IMPROVE THE VIEW
SOON YOULL SEE THE SUN COJ.\.1E SHINING THRU
CATERPILLAR & ALICE
DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S DARKEST
JUST BEFORE THEDA WN
AND EVERY TUNNEL HAS A LIGHTED END
AND WHEN THE GRASS IS GREENER
IN SOMEONE ELSE'S YARD
GO COLLECT YOUR WEEDS AND JUST PRETEND THEY'RE ROSES
CATERPILLAR
IF YOU'RE FEELIN WEARY
ALICE
AND THINGS ARE LOOKIN DREARY
page 41
ALICE & CATERPILLAR
CLEARLY, WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO
IS LOOK TO SEE THE SUN COME SI:llNING THRU
KNAVE
WHAT'S THE USE COl'vfPLAININ
EVEN IF IT'S RAININ
ABOVE THE CLOUDS THE SKY IS BLUE (Alice & Caterpillar:"That's right.")
ALICE/CATER/KNAVE
SOON WE'LL SEE THE SUN COME SillNING THRU
PROBLEMS IN THE NOODLE
TAKE THE WHOLE CABOODLE
BID THE PROBLEMS 'TOODLE-00'
SOON WE'LL SEE THE SUN COME SlllNING THR.U
DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S DARKEST
JUST BEFORE THEDA WN
AND EVERY TUNNEL HAS A LIGHTED END
AND WHEN THE GRASS IS GREENER IN SOMEONE ELSE'S YARD
GO COLLECT THE WEEDS AND JUST PRETEND THE~RE ROSES
GRIEF IS TOO CONFINING
LOOK FOR SILVER LININGS
THEY CAN HELP IMPROVE THE VIEW
SOON WE'LL SEE THE SUN COME SillNING
SinNING, SmNING
SOON WE'LL SEE THE SUN COME SI:llNING THRU.
FOR YOU
SHINETHRU.
(THE QUEEN ENTERS AND CUTS OFF THE
SONG BY SHOUTING ... )
page 42
QUEEN
Off with his head.
KNAVE
Oh,No!
QUEEN
Oh yes.
QUEEN(cont)
(to Hatter and Dormouse) Catch him.
(THE KNAVE RUNS A WAY)
(THE HATIER AND THE DORMOUSE
PURSUE THE KNAVE. ALICE TRIES TO STOP THEM. THE WIITTE RABBIT ENTERS AND
WITH THE QUEEN AND THE CATERPILLAR THEY SET UP THE "COURTROOM." ONCE
THE FURNITURE IS ARRANGED THE KNAVE RUNS INTO THE DOCKET)
DORMOUSE
Got him.
QUEEN
Good. Off with his head.
ALICE
Not yet We have to have the trial first
QUEEN
Oh, yes. I keep forgetting that part
HATIER
I've never been to a trial before. I hope I like it
CATERPILLAR
Your honor ...
page43
•
RABBIT (to Queen) That's you.
QUEEN How nice. Say it again.
CATERPILLAR Your honor, this is clearly a case of misunderstanding.
QUEEN This is clearly a case of robbery.
CATERPILLAR The question is ... is he guilty or not guilty.
HATTER That seems like a very fair question,.
QUEEN He's guilty!
HATTER I object.
DORMOUSE You object to what?
HATTER Well. I really don't know. It just seemed like the thing to say.
ALICE (to Queen) You can't decide if he's guilty or not.
QUEEN I can't?
ALICE No. That is the decision of the jury.
QUEEN What jury?
ALICE Well, all of us can be the jury.
QUEEN All of us?
ALICE Well, all of us except you.
44
QUEEN What? Why not me?
ALICE WeU, you're prejudiced.
QUEEN I am not! (she beckons to the Rabbit and whispers) Prejudice? What does that mean?
RABBIT It means you wont be fair.
QUEEN What? Stuff and nonsense! I am always fair. Watch. I'll show you. (She walks away and addresses the space she has just vacated.) Queen, are you fair? (Returns to the original space) You are the fairest person I know. (to Alice) There. You see.
ALICE No. We must make the decision. Not you.
QUEEN Oh, very well. But, be quick about it
(A VAMP BEGINS AND THE HATTER AND DORMOUSE HANG A SIGN READING "JURY BOX." )
HATTER/DORMOUSE/RABBIT
QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, TIME TO ASK A FEW QUESTIONS QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, TIME TO ASK A FEW QUESTIONS
QUEEN QUICKLY, QUICKLY, GET IT OVER WITH QUICKLY.
ALICE Your majesty, you mustn't interfere.
ALL (except the Queen)
SHE IS ASKING FOR A QUICK DECISION AND WE MUSTN'T MAKE HER WAIT TOO LONG BUT THE DANGER OF A QUICK DECISION IS YOU NEVER KNOW JUST WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG.
CATERPILLAR What is your name?
45
KNAVE My name is Knave of Hearts.
HATTER Was that the right answer?
RABBIT Yes, it was.
HATTER & DORMOUSE (standing and applauding) Bravo! Bravo!
CATERPILLAR Now, Mister Knave of Hearts ... is it true that you painted the roses red?
KNAVE What?
QUEEN Answer the question.
KNAVE Well. yes, but ..
CATERPILLAR And did you paint them red because you had planted white roses by mistake/
KNAVE Well, yes, but..
CATERPILLAR And isn't it true that the Queen of Hearts hates white roses?
Q{)EEN Yes! Yes! Yes!
KNAVE (to Caterpillar) Hey! Whose side are you on?
ALICE I don't think you're doing a very good job.
CATERPILLAR Nonsense. I'm wondeerful.
QUEEN Aie there any more questions?
46
HATIERJDORMOUSEIRABBIT QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, TIME TO ASK SOME MORE QUESTIONS QUESTIONS, QUESTiONS, TIME TO ASK SOME MORE QUESTIONS
QUEEN QUICKLY, QUICKLY, GET IT OVER WITH QUICKLY
ALICE
This is the strangest trial that I have ever seen.
ALL (except Queen)
SHE IS ASKING FOR A QUICK DECISION
AND WE MUSTNT MAKE HER WAIT TOO LONG
BUT THE DANGER OF A QUICK DECISION IS
YOU NEVER KNOW IUST WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG
CATERPILLAR
Knave of Hearts, tell us now ... in your own words ... did you steal the Queen's cherry tarts?
KNAVE
No, I did not
CATERPILLAR
I rest my case.
QUEEN
My tum! (to Rabbit) Go ahead. Cross examine him. Ask some questions.
RABBIT
But. your majesty what shall I ask?
QUEEN
Well, for one thing ask him where he was on the night of July 4, 1776.
RABBIT
(to Knave) Where were you on the night of July fourth? Seventeen seventy six?
47
" u ..
KNAVE
I don't think I was bort:J. yeL
QUEEN
See how he avoids answering the question?
HATTER & DORMOUSE
Ooooooh.
QUEEN
Jury, what is your verdict?
HATTER/DORMOUSE/RABBIT
ANSWERS, ANSWERS, TIME TO GIVE A FEW ANSWERS
ANSWERS, ANSWERS, TIME TO GIVE A FEW ANSWERS
QUEEN
QUICKLY, QUICKLY, GET IT OVER WITH QUICKLY
ALICE
(to Knave) Don't worry. There is no evidence aga.i.nst you.
ALL (except Alice and Queen)
SHE IS ASKING FOR A QUICK DECISION
AND WE MUSTNT MAKE HER WAIT TOO LONG
BUT THE DANGER OF A QUICK DECISION IS
YOU NEVER KNOW JUST WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG.
(ALICE, THE I-lATTER, THE
DORMOUSE, THE CATERPILLAR, AND THE RABBIT HUDDLE AROUND THE JURY BOX.
WHEN THEY FINISH THEIR 'DELIBERATION' THE HATTER STEPS FORWARD)
HATTER
We have decided ... we have decided ... oh, dear. I've forgotten what we decided.
... " .. QUEEN
You have decided tha~ he is guilty.
ALICE
No. That's wrong.
QUEEN
No. That's righL Now be quiet or I shall call out my soldiers.
ALICE
Your soldiers are nothing more than a pack of cards.
QUEEN
What?
ALICE
You are just a card.
QUEEN
I warned you. Off with her head!
ALICE
What?
QUEEN
Off with her head!
(THE HATTER AND THE DORMOUSE
MOVE TOWARDS ALICE. SHE AVOIDS THEM AND STARTS TO RUN AWAY. SET PIECES
ARE SHIFTED ABOUT AS ALICE RUNS TO AVOID THE HATTER AND DORMOUSE. THE
RABBIT BECKONS TO ALICE AND GUIDES HER THRU THE CONFUSION. EVENTUALLY,
ALICE IS TRAPPED IN ALL OF THE LARGE MIRRORS WE SAW WHEN SHE FIRST LEFT
FOR WONDERLAND. SMOKE BILLOWS UP AROUND THE MIRRORS AND WHEN IT
CLEARS, ALICE IS AGAIN STANDING AT HER DRESSING TABLE.)
49
ALICE
What happened? How.d.id I get here again? (She looks into the mirror) I was sure I was there.
With the Rabbit and the Knave. And the Red Queen wanted to cut off my head. And ... Oh,
maybe there is no Red Queen. Maybe I was daydreaming. Maybe ... maybe Mrs. Mumford is
right
(sings)
UP IS UP, DOWN IS DOWN
ONE IS SKY, ONE IS GROUND
THAT'S THE WAY IT MUST STAY FROM NOW UNTIL ... ?
I MUST LEARN NOW TO FACE IT
EVERYTinNG IS WHERE YOU PLACE IT
(THE RABBIT RUNS TO THE UPSTAGE SIDE OF THE
MIRROR)
RABBIT
Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.
ALICE
Oh, my goodness.
RABBIT
(Looking thru the mirror) No, ifs not your goodness. It's my goodness. (looks at watch) Oh, my
goodness. (runs off)
ALICE
Mrs. Mumford, you are not right. Rabbits do carry watches.
(sings)
AND FOR ME THEY ALWAYS ...
so
OFFSTAGE VOICES
ALICE, YES, THERE'S. A WONDERLAND
ALICE, YES, THERE'S A WONDERLAND
(UPSTAGE BEHIND THE MIRROR A
MIRROR BALL HAS STARTED TO REFLCT COLORS AS THE OFFSTAGE VOICES SING)
ALICE
FORME
THEY ALWAYS WILL.
VOICES
ALICE.
(THE LIGHTS FADE DOWN SO ONLY
THE MIRROR IS LIGHTED AND THEN
BLACKOUT)
THE END
51
1 J. ALICE IN ~'IONDERLAND
A t•illSICAL FANTASY FOR CHILDREN
AS THE OVERTURE FADES i"/E HEAR THE VOICE OF THE 1-IHITE RABBIT ttoH, MY ( GOODNESS. I 1M LATE. I'M LATE 11
• HIS VOICE BECOMES THAT OF MRB. MUMFORD , CALLING, u AL.I CE, OH, ALICE • 11 ·AT THE SOUND OF MRS • MUMFORD 1 S VOICE THE LIGHTS F~E UP ON A LIMBO AREA CONTAINING A BED AND A MIRROR. ALICE IS ON THE BED AND SHE STARTS AT THE SOUND OF THE VOICE. I SHALL NOT - (!A,~j DISCUSS WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE, FOR I FEEL THAT FOR EA,CH OF US ALICE IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND I LEAVE l T TO THE DIRECTOR• .XO INFLICR HIS C PARTICULAR VISION OF ALICE ON THE AUDIENCE. __ _
f\R5 Yu(o~·~) A: lice_, Ale c~, ALICE Oh, I thought I heard someone calling. Frobably my governess, l{rs . Mumford. Though, I don't hear her calling any longer. Perhaps I was hearing things. Mrs. Mumford says that I often hear things. And I suppose it could be true. Except that sometimes I'm not sure that Mrs. Mumford knows that is true and what isn't. Sometimes •••••
Mrs. M. Alice (entering) Oh, Alice. There you are. ~~at are you doing in here,daar? Daydreaming, no doubt. You know , dear, you do entirely too much day dreaming. I've told you time and tlme again. Now isn't that true?
Alice Isn't what true?
!.UOs • M. Isn't it true that I've told you time and time again?
Alice Oh, yes. That 's true.
Mrs. M. I kne\t it l·ras. I know what 1s true and what isn't.
ALICE As a matter of fact, ~ws. Mumford. I wasn't daydreaming. I was just thinking about the time that I fell down that rabbit hole.
Mrs. M. \fuat rabbit hole?
Alice You know. The time that I met the rabbit that oarried the watch and we went •• ,
Mrs. I·1· There, you see. You were daydreaming.
Alice ' No 1 .. Just th1nk1ns about the rabbit •••••
Mrs. H. \Alice, \te know that rabbits don't carry watches, don't we?
Alice But, this one did.
ll.ra. H. Alice, ~lho knO\'IS what is true and what isn't?
Allee I •••
Mrs . M. Come, come. Tell me anw. Who knows what 1s true and what isn't?
Alice You do, Mrs. M •
.t-A'..rs. I-1 . or courle, I do. And \ie e.re not going to forget 1 t are we?
Allee No, but •••••
' V>t ..tS~ ~
~~~+--------------1
( D1JlSS) .{abbl ts !lave never had the habl t of telling time And 1! you know a rabbit, who thinks he has the habit. we'd better have a docbor come and doctor up lis mind.
Up is up, down is down One is sky, one is ground And a valley can never be a hill And your silly dcllusiona only lead to false conclusions Rabbits don't carry watches and they never Will.
Right is rl()ht, \·trong is wrong Short 1s short, Long is long T'na t t 8 the n way it must be from now until
. ,.....
Someone broaks tlle aonnootion, but till then, no clroumspeotlon Rabbits don't carry watches and they never will
2
cu: 2
.. Just suppose Without reason That the four yearly seasons Starting switching back and forth All the months out of order v~, the year could be shorter It s the kind of thing that makes
and all around
a sane society unsound.
Seeing gloves on your toes Seeing stockings on your nose Can't you see, dear, it's just not apropos You must learn, dear, to face it. Everything is \there you plaee 1 t Rabbits don't oarry watches
,Alice I know ot the facta I've had my fill
Mrs. I•1. You can't change them just for thrills. Rabbits don't carry watches and they nvver ever will.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
f-Irs • K. Now, come along, Alice. It's time for lunch
Alice lea, l-!rs. Mumford.
!olrJte M. And don't daudle, dear. (exits)
Alice (s1ng1no) Just suppose without reason That the four yearly seasons Started S\11 tch1ng back and forth and all around
(MUSIC STARTS TO FADE) Alice
4
·~ell, maybe rabbits don't carry watches, but I know that I saw what I sa\·r when I saw 1t.
THE WHITE RABBIT HURRIES IN FROl•l THE DARIU'lESS. HE SHOULD NOT BE DRESSED TO !~ US THINK OF REALISIT.IC RABBIT, SO SPARE YOURSELF THE EXPENSE OF A FURRY COVERALL. INDEED, IF THE SEVEN DWARVES WERE RABBITS THEN THIS RABBIT WOULD BE ONE OF THE SEVEN DWA.11VES. HE CARRIES AN OVERSIZED WATCH &~ I.S OF COURSE 1 LATE.
Rabbit Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. I 1m late. so very late. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.
~ice Oh~ oy goodness.
Rabbit No, my good woman. It is not 'your' goodness. It is 'my' goodness. (checking his watch) Oh, my goodness.
Alice ~o. - .....
Why, it's you.
Rabbit ,Well, the last time I looked it was me. Oh1 my goodness. Do you think that i•a 1s possible that I aa not still me? Maybe I should check. (he ~oes to mirroe) Well, everything looks as though it's where it should be, ao •• I guess that I am still me
Alice Don't you remember me?
5
Rabbit Remember you? \ihy I sometimes have difficulty remembering myself.
Allee I'm Allee.
Rabbit Glad to meet you Alexander.
Alice Not, Alexander, Alice . /~ice.
Rabbit Glad to meet you Alice Alice.
j\.J.1oe Just nne .
Rabbit Just one \'l'ha. t?
Allee Just one \that?
Alice.
Rabbit I know there is only one of you. I can see. I'm not blind you know. But, I ao late.
Alice oh. you're always late.
Rabbit That ls not a very nice thing to say. It's true ••• but. it's not !0.~3 to say it. Oh, my goodness. I must go.
Allee Mr. Rabbit. Are you by any chance on your way to wonderland?
Rabbit Oarmy way to where?
Alice You know. That place where I was before.
Ra-bbit How should I know where you've been be~ore. I'm not a fortune teller. I'm a rabbit. A very late rabbit.
Alice Hr. Rabbit. May I so rli th you?
Rabbit You \'lar.t to go l't1 th me?
.tU1ce Yes.
Rabbit Well, I can't ima51ne \ihy ••• bu~, if you want to come///
Alice Oh, I do.
Rabb,. t ~tell, then cooe. But, you must hurry. You see, I'm •••
Alice I kno'>'l• You're late . Don't tmrr-j ••••
(a1nos)
I'll be close on your heels Doesn't ca. ttcr \·there you go over hill. over dale, .Never fear. you'll know
Rabbit (spoken) Knm'l ';lha t?
Allee I'n close behind and there I'm sure to stay until I t 1nd the \'lay.
Rabbit The ltay to wha. t?
Alice Th.e 1·1ay to the place that I long to see again ·uo ~·;ay to ./onderland
Rabbit ~ -ll:t dear, we really must go.
(sings)
:ius tn' t stop, nus tn • t \·rai t Or you sae, I'll be late Though I'm not sura what I'm sure I've got some plans so, let's be off to Wonderland
6
Pardon us, ~~s tn 't stay Got to bo on our way He 're off to keep a date \ii th something grand We 're on our way to Wonderland
Rabbit Alice
7
Through the looking glass over magic pass
Looking through the looking glasses Trav 1 l1ng over magic passes
By encha.n ted gardens we \till go
Come along, mus tn • t, wait Or you see I•11 be late
How well I know.
Tiem.. is \tasting, cooe a.nd make my hand
Alice I 'll t~e your hand
Rabbit ·in • re on our ...,ray to Wonderland .
Allee GuRTAI N ( spokan) Oh, one thing !-lr. Rabbit . Do :-re havs to go doim that a''lful hole again?
~3.b~1t .\•..rf\.11 hole?
Alice Wellt the fall dmm the rabbit hale Jostled me terribly ~he last tiille.
Rabbit "ell, ·as a matter ot fact. I planned on taking the mirror.
Alice Taking the mirror?
Rabbit Yes. rho shortcut through the looking glass. ~~~ey-are-at-the-m~rror) &ee....-Nou y ou-J-re-no--1 onge r-.ho re-. .:Y ouJ-re-theree)
Rabbit Alice Thrcusn the looking glass Looking through the looking glasaas over magic pass Trav'ling over magic ~asses By enchanted gardens \te will go I want to go
Come along l·~S tn I t W3.1 t Or you see ~'(e 111 be la t~ Time is wanting coma and take my hand
To~ ether we re on our ~tay to \ionderland On our way to Wonderland.
Come &long Mustn't wait or rou seo We'll be late Here.. tak3 !fi1 hand
-
a~ .
THEY AP.E NOi'T Trl~OUGH T"rlE !URROR AHD 'rHE AREA THAT HAS BF.;~N PLAY'i"~ U? 1'0 THIS ?OI.NT IS SLO'I'i.LY DEoCEliDING UNTIL THE Em) A.l.1D TtU; !-URROR .AnD J\.LICE AND THE RA~BI? • .UU: iiO LO~iG-~R I:i SIGiU' . THE h11SIC BE:!IlJS TO CH...U·TGE \lW SVOLVES IIH'O A PULSATING ROCK BEAT. THE .tmiDERLAND CHARACTERS l.fAKE
...\ 3RI.lF APPEARA.iiCE AI-IID FLASHING LIGHTS (SET SUGGESTIONS ARE AT END OF SCRIPT) . ',/HEN ALICE AHD RAB3IT CATCH THERE BREATH . THEY ARE IN WONDERLAND, nr EVE.RYi'lHERE, IN NO :IHZRE • -l\:.P i:( o ~ t-"' ' .n eJ I "\ (1\ t. C l,{ (;_. J..f .Uice
l oh! \io 're here . S 11vl~s 4 - 'io ( (). ~ J ,. I, (.c.. (_ Lll;_ ~-
G
. , lc A ,~~\.,. CuE. b.c-<S I 1 J.~ s 17 - 1:., .. U1oe
·fe are hera. ---~z_
Rabbit f!y de~~. I do hope you ' re not in the habit of saying everything twice. It does "aato t1me. .\nd I don't have it to waste . Now oome along . I havo to get •.-therG I • o going. 1M , ~'e.'" ~~ \l Alice I think I'll sta.:r here and look around.
Ra.bbit Look around at uha t. Every-thing looks qui ta ordinary from ,.,hare I stand .
Alice I can meet you later.
Rabbit Ch, very ~Tell. I haven't got time for long d1s~uas1ons. Meet me later •
. U1ce Oh, but lillers sh3.ll I meet you~
Rabbit ~~y, wherever I 1o at. Oh, I am late. so.late. So vary lata. (he is gone)
.Uicc Poor !-lr. Ra.bb1 t
c::..terpillar Ho·,r do you know that he is a poor rabbit?
.A..l1ce Ohl
Cat . 9
He looks \·Tell dressed to me . He's probably a very rich rabbit .
Alice Oh, but , that ' s not what I meant •••• cat. I ' m sur e that you don ' t know what you meant .
Ali oe Oh, I know \·that I meant . But , you don ' t know \'lhat I meant .
Cat. Nons ens~ • I know what every thi ng means • One plus one is t\'IO . TWo pl us t \'10 1a tour . FlJt.:,:~ plus four i s eight . E18ht pl us ei ght i s ei ght y ei ght.
Alioe Oh1 no .
Cat. Oh, no,. l'lha t 7
Ali oe Eight plus elgnt 1s a1xteen
cat Is that what I s~1d?
Alice ~o . You sai d that eight plus eight equ~l eighty eight .
Cat . I f that is l'lhat I said, then l t must be so .
Alice But, it isn ' t so . Eight plus eight equals sixteen.
Cat . Nonsense . H0\'1 do you make a sixteen?
Ali ce With a one and a slx.
Cat . Just as I thought . (he makes a~oke 4igures in the air) A one and a six make sixteen. But an eight and an eight make eighty eight .
Alice But ••• Cat . Don't be stubborn. It's not a becoming quality.
cCL·~.. ..
· ·Alice 10
Oh, you're l !r..pos aiblo .
Cat. Ch, no . I' r!l \'ronderful . ~e.rjbody tells ma so . I'm '·ionderful . Wonderful . ionC.erful.
Alice You're concei ted .
cat. - j CUl~ $:{ 1loll3enae . I'm modest. I am a modest , unassum1ng.i~gen1us.
(s1ns2> !!!. soNo~~L ( ~ ~f Fjc ,!:',.,_ ~:D r.· T!E CATERPILLAR EXI 1'3 KISSING HIMSELF AND E.'<POUNDING HIS VIRl'U~ . PLEASE 'S) ,0\c !Wl'E T..r.u\T I DID NOT INCLUDE A DESCRIPTION 0.? THE CATERPILLAR. THIS WAS A!'i--OVERSIGHT SINCE I DO NOT INTEND TO GO BACK Al'iD CORRECT THIS OVERSIGHT, (~ "'' ) YOU I·i.L\Y LET YOUR DlAGINATIO:N RUN R.Ai-1P.ANT A.I.'ID DO WITH HIM AS YOU LIKE.
Alice I have never in m1 life met such a caterpillar. Of course , I haven 't met any caterplllars •• but, if I had, I'm sure that he would be the Ctr~;est~
THE SOUND OF ROCKBILLY VOICES COME UPON US. IT IS THE SOUND OF THE V CES OF THE !..AD !L\'i'T....:R _UID THE DORMOUSE , ,fHO NO~v AP?EAR. l'HE .-lAD HAl'l'ER IS A CO.MBil-lATION ED ~fiNN ~w ilEA RITTER ,ffii~ THE DOR.'iOU5E HIT.S US AS A C 33 B.£T:iEEN JUDY CANOVA A~'TD CHER (OF SONNY A.'ID) •
(they sing) ',fo al\'laya have our four o ' clock toa. Prvcisel: at the st~oke of three For that ' s the way you see N:l,tsr to miss youl' four o • clook tea.
irfONDERFUL SONG • Bring youl!t problems I 'l'lill solve them
1iant solutions? I '11 evolve them I'm wonderful.
I can oure the complication In most any situation I'm wonderful • ... I/m a marvelous physician Quite at home in any kitchen That's to say that I'm a doctor and a cook
I'm a whiz at mathematics You should come see m1 quadratics Why someday I think I ll even write a book.
I can clear up any mystery Whether current or in hist ' ry I'm wonderful.
11
And I'm sure you find it pleasant to be standing in my presence I'm wonderful Everyone knows there's no killer diller ~ite killer dillered as this caterpillar I ' m won won won won wonderful.
TAG I'm won won won won wonderful \'lon \'ion won won wonderful Won won won \'iOn wonderful.
Hatter and Dormouse • de always have our four o'clock tea
Proso1saly at the stroke of three For that's the way you see Never to miss your four o'clock tea.
Allee ,fua t did you say?
Dormouse .'/hat did we say?
Hatter If it's a seoret we'll give 1t away.
Dormouse Is 1t a secret?
Hatter I don't kno~. my frlend.
Dormouse Ho~ oan we tell?
Hatter Let's sing it again.
(they do)
;le al'tiays have our four o'clock tea Precisely at the stroke of three For that's tha way you see Never to mise your four o'clock tea.
Alice rour o'clock tea at three? That's silly.
Dormouse Who ea1d that?
Allee I did.
Matter Come here, little filly.
Alice Why do you have your four o'clock tea at three?
Hatter You know. I think she's talking to me. We have it a.t three so we won't be la.te tor four.
Alice That doesn't m~ke sense.
Dormouse It did before.
12
Alice • fl/ell, 'tJhy don 1 t you call 1 t three o'clock tea?
Hatter Oh, that \·tould mean starting at two. You see?
Dormouse I don't think she does. You'd better restate.
Hatter If we waited ~111 three, we'd surely be late.
Ali co For four?
Hatter No three.
Do.:"mouse That 1 e why we 'd start at t\10.
Alice But 1t 1 s so confusing.
Hatter Only to you.
(they sing)
ilo al \'la.ps have our four o 'clock tea Prooiseli at the stroke of three For that 1 a the ltta.y you sea Never to miss your four o'clock tea.
Hatter Come join us lor tea.
13
THEY OPEN UP THEIR LI TT.uE SUI TOASE A.t.'ID PULL OUT A PORTABLE TABLE AND TilO CAMP STOOLS. THEY SET UP A TEAPOT AND TwO CUPS, A KNIFE, A NAPKIN 1 AND A JAR OF JAl.f.
Alice But, I don't have a cup.
Dormouse No cup. out of luok.
D
14 • Hatter
If you don't have a. oup, ho\v \'llll you drink tea?
Dormouse out of the j)ot?
Hatter The pot? Oh. Let's see. (HE :PICKS UP THE POT AND POR.S TEA INTO THE MOUTH OF THE DO&~OUSE)
Al1oe Is that how you expeot me to drink my tea1
HATTER If that's what you want. It's alright \tith m.e.
Dormouse I'm sleepy.
Hatter I'm Mad. Glad to meet you, old ohap.
Dorm.ouse Where's the bread?
Hatter Whtrc's the bread? Oh. It's under my hat.(HE RE!tOVES HIS HAT AND TAKES OUT A LOAF OF FRENCH &~AD. HE AliD THE DORMOUSE IM;;-iEDIATELY DO A HAND OVER HAND CHOOSE UP) Oh. I win (HE HITS THE DORMOUSE OVER THE HEAD WITH THE BREAD)
alice Are we going to have some jam and bread?
Hatter Jam and bread?
Alioe J a&:l and bra ad.
Hatter Well, I suppose we could have Jam and bread. But I'd rather have bread and Jam instead.
Alice But, that's the same thing.
Dormouse I'm sleepy.
Hatter . (hitting her with t . .''le bread) Not now. Get Up. Are you hungry?
Dormouse And how.
15 . Hatten., Hold out your hand and get some jam.
Dormouse Hold out your hand and get some jam.
( THE DORMOUSE HOLDS OUT HIS HAl'lD AND THE HATTER SPREADS IT \'liTH JAM. THEY DANC~ AROUN1) SING SONGI NG ' HOLD OUT YOUR HAND AND GET SOME JAM' UNTIL ALICE S£0PS THEH .
Alice Oh, stop 1 t.
Hatter You 're right. It's throe o'clock, friend.
Dormouse Tlme for four o'clock t ea.
Alice Oh, no. Not~~a~a~1_n~~----------------~ Hatter and Dormouse 91ng
We al\·1ays have our four l'clock tea Precisely at the stroke of three Fo~ ~hat ' s the way you see Never to m1ss your four o 'clock tea.
THE KNAVE OF HEART ENTERS . HEf S A CARD • A..~D MORE NEED BE SAID .
HE Id OUR JUVENILE . WHA'r
~ \ .ct~ r 1 Knave c_ u E 1\ J, Hey . Have you seen the queen? The quean. The queen. Have you seen the queen?
Dormouse (yelling) Have Je seen the queen?
Hatter Don't scream. (to knave ) ~ihat quoen?
Knave The queen of hearts.
Hatter Oh, that queen
Knave Yes.
Hatter No. we haven't seen the queen.
Kr'~ .J·le (to Alioe) Have you ssen the queen?
Ali ce I don't even know the queen .
Knave Lucky you .
Alice You sound like you ' re in trouble.
Knave Boy, am I i n trouble .
Hat ter What i s your t roubl e?
Dormouse What is your trouble?
Knave
16
Well, the queen told me to pl ant red roses 1n her garden, but I made a mistake ~~d I planted white ones 1nstoad. Then, to cover up my mi s take I painted the white r oses red. If the queen finds out, I shall probably lose ay head.
A...'{D FRO!·i OUT 0? TE REALl-1 OF THE INFUU TE THE VOICE OF THE ':UEEN I S!EA .. tll • CUE..I2.
~----~__;,=-
"\ h.s-QUeen I have round out and you ~·till lose your!~
.. ~ jl '~ '- f;
LO AND BEHOLD . I T' S MRS . l·!UMFORD . OR I S IT? ONLY YOUR BUDGE]~ KNO~S .--=--IT MUST BE OBVIOU3 AT ONBE THAT SHE IS TH3 LEADlm OF THE PACK . SHE Z.1U3T H..t\.VZ EVERYTHING IN EXCESS. I &'l REFERING 0~ COURSE TO THE COS'l'J:4E FOR I FEEL THAT THE QUEEN 1iAY BE PLAYED BY A F~~~ (OR !~E IF YOU SO D~IRE) OF ANY STATURE . SHE IS FLANKED ON HER ENTRANCE BY TWO CARDS . THE COSTUJ.1E3 ON THE CARDS SHOULD BE FLEXIBLE AS OP?OSED TO STIFF , FOR THE CARDS ARE TO BE USED AS A DAL'{CING CHORUS IF THE PRODUCTION SO 1'1..\RRANTS • THE QUEEN CARRIES A BABY .
Knvave It ' s the queen .
Hatter I t' s the queen .
Dormouse She ' s a dream •
.Knave She ' s a kn1ghmare.
Q.ueen ott with his head!
~-------
Alice You can't cut off his head.
Queen What.
Alioe I said you can't cut ott his head.
Queen And who are you?
Alice Alice.
~ueen Well, Al1oe. I can out ott any head I lkt.
Alice Bu~ he hasn't committed a crime.
17
QUeen I deo1de what is a crime and \'lhat 1an't. And I have decided that this is.
Hatter .'lhat 1a?
Queen Q,u1et 1
Hatter (to Dormouse) Quiet.
Dormouse R1ot1
Hatter (hitting her with bread) ~ie~·
Dormouse Did I say something?
QUeen (to Alice) Here. Hold the Duchess's baby
Alice But this 1sn' t a baby
QUeen ot course, 1t is.
Alice But, it looks like a pig.
Queen ~tre you saying that the duchess's baby looks like a pigf
Alice Well, it does.
Hatter M~ybe it's a baby pig.
'---
Dormouse I! 1t•s a baby, it's awfully bi~·
Queen ~ ~lho said the duchess's baby~ a big pig?
Dormouse ~lhere-' s-the-Duehesa 'a baby? i) ,._-
Queen /"' I R1gh t therb.
Dormouse
Oh, isn't he cute.
Hatter And smart to boot.
Alice But it does look like a pig.
QUeen So? You don't like pigs?
Allee i'lell, I never really thought about 1 t.
Queen
18
Oh, never mind • . Give it back. (SHE TAKES THE BABY AND THROtlB IT TO THZ HATtER) Here. Catch. 1 Du.:..""~=-s ~ H~,,e....
Hatter G Rock a bye piggy, on the tree top. (HE AND TrlE DORMOOUSE START A -FOOTBALL GAME WITH THE BABY AS THE BALL. THE CARDS ACT AS CHEER :S id· ~ LEADERS. :rHE QUBEN IS ELATED.) Hike.
Carda Boom a lak, boom a lak, bis boom bah ~ \ ,,(. < 11 Pass that baby. ran rah -ra.n- - -Yea. team.
)
Page 18
Allee Stop throwing it around .
Queen v/ell, what do you want us to do with it?
Knave we could play ,.£!.Oquet. -----------~--
Queen . I Oh, goody . V
cqG 1q 'S):J.~ \~
THE T't/0 CARDS DO BACKBENDS TO FOffiil THE vii CKY~TS . THE QU EF.N PICKS UP A CRANE OR A FLA.J.V.INGS OR WHAT.CVER THK PROP DE:PT . COMES UP '.'ii TH AND SHE: TRIES TO HIT THE BABY THROUGH THE CARDS .
Queen Oh, it won ' t ma1e.
Hatter won't move?
Dormouse won 't move?
Queen Maybe , I should kick it.
All (except Alice and Queen) yes.
Alice No1
Queen Oh, you are a sticky wicket. (tosnes baby to a card) Never ~in~. I win.
Alica BU~ we ,d1dn't play
Queen well, I would have won.
THE WHITE RABBIT CQ?.lES RUN:-iiNG IN
Rabbit Oh. 0~. Oh. Oh. (running into Alice) 0~. Hello. Oh, yo~r highness. I have some horrible news.
Queen What ne\.,S?
Rabbit 1 Your ohorx•y tarts. They have been a to len again .
Queen Again?
Rabbit Again .
QUEEN STARTS TO TAP HER FOOT AND THE BASS AND THE DRUMS PICK UP THE RYTHMN .
Hatter Oh,oh. Uh oh. Uh . oh.
Dormouse Uh oh. uh oh. Uh. oh.
Hatter This means trouble.
QUeen This means trouble.
Hatter See. I ~as right.
Dormouse Out of sight. out of sight.
QUeen (SHE CHANTS IN RYT"ru·h"i AS Sru;; AND T"rlE CARDS PERFORl·i A SERIES OF KARTHA GRAHAl-i LIKE A.GOUY MOVEf.lEUTS IN A ROCK MOTIF)
TART that spells tart and you don't need smarts to know that they are missin • 1-IAD is what I am and I won • t be stopped from ha.v1ng my suspicions If they took my apple pie I wouldn't blink a single eye Cookie cookies. sour balls Just come around and take them all BU. t if you want to break my heart Just take away my cherry tarts. TART that spells tart and you don't need sma~ts to know that they are miasin' MAD IS What 1 am and I won't be stopped from having my susp1o1ons
Sus~icions. Suspicions
(to Knave)
You. Knave h'ho?
QUeen You will lose your head for this.
Page 20
Knave For what?
Queen For steali ng my tarts.
Knave But I didn 't steal your tarts .
Queen You painted the roses red, didn 't you?
Knave well, yes, but ••••
Queen That means you are sneaky . And it takes a sneaky person to steal my tarts. Off with h i s head .
Allee That's not fair .
Rabbit Shhhhhh .
Queen What ' s not fair?
Alice You don ' t Y~ow if he stole your tarts. ~~d even if you think that ~e did , you have to prove him guilty .
Queen Prove? How?
Allee well, you could give him a trial.
Knave yes. Yes .
Dormouse What 1 s a trial?
Hatter .-Tal t awhile.
Queen You know, it sounds like it might be fun.
Knave But, if we have a trial, I 1ll need somo.one to defend me ..
20 .Cat.erp1llar (popping in froo \·thez>over he 1s) Dld. someone ce.ll 'l
Alice Oh, It's you again. Don't tell me you're a la\iYer too?
Cat. (producing a business oard) Perry Mason Caterp1l~ar. At your serv1oe.
Knave And you'll defend me?
Cat. I'll cefend you aagnif1~n~ly.
Queen N'ell, ta.ke him at·ray to j ail :for awhile.
Knave J a.il? But \·fhJ?
Quean All prisoners havo to so to Jail for awhile.
Cat. That 's right. The.t 'a the way 1t 1 s done.
Queen You see . Take h1o a\'lay .
Hatter I think she means us .
Do!'mouae (to ~een) Do you mean us?
QUeen I :r.ean you .
Dormouse ~Jell~ don • t m:1ke a. fu sa.
Hatter (pulling Knave) Come alon0 •
Dormouse Come along.
I}.J ' { l• \;\.
I;\~~) ,., 1'/
J <t I \
HATTER AND BOfl!.10USE EXIT PULLING KNAVE AL'lD SING BONGING ttTO JAIL, TO JAIL, WITHOUT .A.NY BAIL 1
)
-...
21 • TH£ ffiJ3!C POR 1 A BALL AT THE PALACE' BEGINS TO SNEAK IN.
Q,Ueen For coming up with such an excellent suggestion, I feel that I should r~ward you..
&b~t f You could give her a ball, your h!glUless.
Cl.,'J.een I could give you a ball. Oh• I'm glad I thought of that./
Al!ce But you
Rabbit ~I Q,ueen
didn I tl
\ ~,---------------------------- --
( s TAa·rr:·JG sc:~J)
A ball at the palace. the palace. the palace A ball at the pala~e, for Alice
.Uice For m.~ ?
(
-l
(Ar ·rHZ BEGINNING OF THE SONG THE l~ODY SHOULD SEEM TO WORK AGAINST Tlt!: 3~ \.T A.:.'ii) TIG KOVZ:!EXTS OF ALL EXCEPT ALICE. ALICE SHOULD SLOWLY GET r.t-t:ro THE FEELING OF THE ROCK .MOVIDOOiT UNTIL SHE AND T'rlE LYRICS AND ·:·iRATEVER ELSE IS INVOLVED IN THIS NUl-mER ALL SUCCUMB TO THE KlfH .. ~N RAISING 1'3E SONG TO AN ORGIASTIC CONCLUSION •
Allee rmera la thera to ba a ball?
All The palace, the palace.
Alice Who 1B going to give the ball?
QUeen Naturally, the queen.
Alioe And tor whom is 1t ~0 oe?
All For Alice, tor Alice And the ball is bound to be the best you've ever seen.
, . , Alice l·iy hair l'lill be tled up with ribbons and flowers i·1J dress \-1111 be trimmed ld th the finest ot lace
Queen And I shall be wrapped 1n my mink - no, my ermine With diamonds all over the place
Rabbit I guess that I'll have to wear formal attalre \Mte t1e and black tall and top hat
Caterpillar And I shall appear in my ~~~(flY oapelet All eyes will be on me in~
All \ 11--~ """;~,.~~ + ' . --.. A good time is coming tor all For 1n honor of Alice there is at the palace to be a ball.
1
A ball. A ball. A ball. JA b~l.1
S p o~l.\, - - ...,.-A ball at the palace, the palace, the palace. A ball at the palace, for Alice
Alice For me.
All A ball at the palace, the valace, the palace. A ball at the palace there s going to be.
Allee Ball
All
Queen A ball at the palace, A ball at tho palace A ball at the palace T'.nere is to be
A ball at the palace For Alice at the palace At the palace for Alice A ball 1 a ball. Ll A ball, a ball, a ball, ~ ball.
Rabbit A ball, a ball A b a.ll, e. ball A bal~ 1 a ball A ball 1 a ball
Cat. There is to oa,there is to be, there is tc be a ball There 1s to be, therc is to be, there 1a tc be a ball
THEY CONTINUE IN A FRENZY AS THE LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK
END ACT 1
ACT ll SCENE l
SCENE 11
SCENE 111
IN QUEEN'S GARDEN BET\VEEN ALICE AND DUCHESS
COURTROO!-!
BACK IN ALICE'S HOUSE
ACT ll · We are now in the garden of the QUeen of Hearts. Or if the budget can't
s "'lie.nd even the simplest ohange or sot , then \·:e can still be wherever
the first act left us. Foo you see, that is the wonderful thing about
Wonderland; one can be wherever one want to be.
l'fE NO\'l l-iEET THE DUCHESS. SHE IS WHAT MARIE DRESSLER WOULD BE IF SHE
I'IE.RE CROSSED \'liTH JANIS JO?LIN. HER APPEARANCE SHOULD SUGGEST THAT
SHE 8PE..~·:r THE FORMATIVE YEARS OF HER LIFE SLEEPING IN A VICE. SHE IS
SQUAT l SHE IS COLORFUL! HER D~S COULD VERY I'IELL HAVE BEEN !-1ADE AT LANE
BRYANT BY A DESIGNER WHO HAD A PASSION FOR WOOLitORTH YARD GOODS.
A8 THE LIGHTS CO~~ UP SHE IS SITriNG ROCKING HER BABY AS THE CARDS SING •
• Ga.:'da Vw~ Roak a bye baby 1n ~~e tree top
·Wh~ theWlnd blows the aradle will rook
rock rock rock rook
When tha bough breaks the cradle "Till tall \
Duchess \
(spoken) ~e cradle ld.ll fall? What is this? What is this?
~to baby) Come little baby. Give mumasie s kiss kiss.
(She kisses the baby) EEyukl
(sings)
the cook 's in the kitchen, she's making a big pot of soup I
The maJor ingredients are raincoats, umbrellas, and boots
~1e taste isn't great but the next time it's raining inside
You won't have to worry your digestive tract will be dry.
Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle will soon
~e playing a tune so the cow can Jump over the moon
The 11 t tle dog's laughing he thinks that they're having great fun
~a dish aet the sppon and they're soon goona be on the run.
~
25
. Simple simon met a pieman going to the fair
Said the pieman, 1Simon, what you gonna do there?'
Simon says he's gonna eat an apple on a stick
And he did . L
Little Miss Muffett was eating her curd and her whey
When 1n came a spider beside her and soared her away
Come mister sandman and sprinkle my dear baby's ayes
The Duchess is tired ot singing her lullaby~ ~
' -\ 1 ~ ,..- cu.::. 22 Atl
::.. \ ~ '-I -
~ Tlie cook's in the 4 tchen, she's making a big pot ot soup, ~haeee d:eop; ~
&hoobedoop;-seheob&doop-)
The major ingredients are raincoats, umbrellas, and boots, ~hoobe<loop,
shoobednop, shoo'bedeop )
Duchess
Come mister sandman and sprinkle my dear baby 1 s eyes
tQe Duchess is tired of singing lullaby
f::· floc~ a bya ~Y
kock~ck rock. '-- ... -\" Duchess
ke•s sleeping. Put him to be4.
ards /
R1gh t away. Right away.
Duchess
Shhbhhh. Not so loud. (she is, of course, bellowing)
~~8 Not so loud. Not so loud. (they exit with the baby)
ALICE HAS ENTERED DURING THE SONG AND SHE NOW SHOWS HERSELF TO mHE
DUCHESS.
' Alice
What a strange lullaby that was •'-1--------
Duohess
26
Well 1t wasn't strange when 1t came out ot my mouth. If 1t was
strange when 1t went into your ears, well, that's your problem. Not
mine.
Alice
But, what I heard 1s what you sang.
Duchess
Then it couldn't have been strange. Unless you have some pretty
strange ideas about what is strange and what isn't. Now I think it's
pretty strange that you're standing there calling me strange. Strange
thing is, I don't even know who are you. Who are you.
BEFORE SHE HAS A CHANCE TO ANSWER THE KNAVE COMES RUNNING ON
Knave
Oh. Oh. Alice. Alice. I've round you.
Duchess
Oh, so your name 1s Alice Alice
Alice
No, it's Allee. Just one. Why does everyone here insist on making me two
when I 1m only one?
Duchess
What is she talking about? {to aud) My she is strange.
Knave
I got away before they put me 1n jail, but I think they're close behind
me. You've got to help me.
Duchess
WAo 1& close behind you? I don't see anyone behind you.
Alice
Don't worry. We'll prove that you are innocent at the trial.
Knave 27
','fall, I'm glad that you' !'e on my side.
Allee
I'm not so sura that I trust the qusen
Duchess .
Hot trust the quoon'l The queen oe.y be unt.rust\>/ot·thy, bu.t that ls
no reason not to trust her. Lu '-l ,.. V)
Al1ave
I feel f.l:·lendless •
.Allee
You've got friends .
Duohass
l'f.no?
.Al1oe
Bh.h.:ili. (to k1·1a:ve) :r:aere 's me. _md some there out in the darkness of the
nlght I'm sure you ' ve got lots of friends you don't even know. (she
h~s indicated tho audience . )
Duchess
D!:'..I'kness of ;.;hat n1~t·? It •n the iiliddJ..o of the day. Oh, 10u are strange.
Knave
(llok1n0 into aud) Friends. out F~re.! (he sings)
How ca..~ I be sure
I don' li see e. thins
I reel friendless and the endless darkness makes me want to fold my wing~
(Allee \< S:,Joken) J. fr1endlly wind 1a there. ~ I !L'lava
AT THIS POINT IN TF..Z ?nOC.<:=<:DINGS THE SrtOii CO.:.i-:;;.5 TO A HALT wrliLE ALICE
AND THE KNAVE GET THE KIDS TO MAKE A VARIETY OF FRIENDLY SOUNDS.;
( F~ EX., THE
28 ,fiND, THE BIRDS, THE CRICKETS, THE RAIN, I 1 i•l SURE
THA 'T EACH OF y US HAS OUR OlfN FRIENDLY SOUND THAT WE CAN ADD TO THIS
BA;>'IC LIST .
1nttoheas
~8 t is so1ng on here?
Knave lf~ ') I was feeling lonely but if only I had thought I trould have known
I've got a friend, got a friend, got a friend, ~ot a friend
\ihat a happ) .feelin when you're reelin in a circle that you know
Is filled with friends, filled with friends, filled with friends,
filled with friends . ~
fapoken) Ve"l'J s ~e-..
- Everybody come clap your hands
It'll help you understand
How it feels to have a hand held out to mine .
I was feeling lonely but if only I had thought I would have kno·Nn
I've got a friend, got a friend, got a friend, got a friend .
\iha t a happy fee lin when you 1 re reel in in a circle that you knO'Ii
Is filled with friends, filled with friends , filled with friends,
filled with friends.
_ili,-
Everybody come clap your h~~da
It'll help you understand
How it ~eels to have ~ h~~d held out to m&ne. r '-
mE CA..~3 A .. ~ JOt/ 0}i A!ID TI-3:B IS A DANCE 3ASED m; AN::: .SOCIAL SIG-NS
HUGG'Il'!G. .)t-; e.E-
J.
29
. ---------------!. ~'fas'faeling lo~-~~~ I had thought I would have ho~m
I ' vo so~.artv.:J got ..3. friend , .;at a. frie:ld :J oo~s .... ::oie!ld·
I~ ~1 friends .
HAT·rE.R
Ther e he is . e.. ( --Dormouse
\fuer e he i s? l HE-tter
get him . Get him .
(The kr-ave starts to run)
Hetter
Catch him.
Dormouse
catch, Catch.
Duchess
Gh, We ' re gob!3 to play-t3g-;- F'Uri. FUn . FUn .-
Oh, no . \'lai t . \'fait .
c
(
TH..J;RE IS ~\ !L\:) CH:WS .llJU:iD rH:i:: STJ:GZ DURING .f:HC:i TH!!.;a3 5.:-iOULD BE :·IUCH
CONFUSIO!:T . PLA?ll-I.ED co:uUSIOli, TH.AT IS. EVZRYO:IZ ~.-i.AT I3 O~STAGE BECOMES
I UVOL'P....D . Ilr THE S:!:l' A.L.LO:rlS T:!E.t1E S~-iOuLD BE 50)1::!: HIDZ .-t:ID SZZKI!1G • .\J.'ID
SOY..E SINGING -~-ND SLIDD!G .
QUeen
(Entering with Caterpillar and Rab~it) Quiet . Q~i~t . Stop . Stop.
sverybod.y . (ever;rcne co:::es to a standstill) ~ow, off :-,i.th hls C\.1,
head .
Alice
.. ..
Q__c..:C-~ 30
Oh, tlla1i 1s right. I nearly forgot the part. Tri al time· ~-/ _ ____ S~l•_J"'"'c~_3_i_
TH~ IS A G.&'l.Li:RAL SCURRY AS THEY Sl!:T UP FOR THE TRIAL.
Duchess
I 've never been to a trial before . I hope I like it.
Caterpillar Your honor ••••••
Rabbit (to queen) xhat ' a you
QUeen
How nice. Say it agaln .
Ga teli'.
Your honor, this 1s clearly a case of misunderstanding.
Q,U.een
This ls clearly a CdSe of robbery. Off with hls head .
Knave No.
Ca":.er. Yes.
iU1ce What are you saying?
cc-.ter. Sorry . I got carried awa7. The question ls •••• ls he guilty, or not guilty .
Duchess
See~s like a very fair question.
Queen r
He • s gull ty.
H.:!.tter ! object.
Dormouse You object to ri:"l!?. t?
H!itter
1:fhy , r don 1 t know. It Just seemed l1.Ke t.ne i:ihing r.o aa.y j
.. 31
(to queen) You can't decide if he is guilty or not. T.h3t is the
decision of the jury.
QUeen
1'/hat jury?
Alice ,fell, all of us can be the jury.
Quean All of us?
Alice itell , all of us except you.
Queen Bxcept me? fhy not me?
Alice Well, you are pre judiced.
QUeen I am not. (aside to rabbit) .fnat does that mean?
Rabbit It means that you won't be fair.
Queen lhat? Stuff and nonsense. I am a11tays fair. ·,·/atch. I'll show you.(ahe
gets up and addressee her chair•) Queen, are you fair? (sitting down}
You ara the fairest person I know. (to Alice) Thore. You sec.
Alice
No. We must make the decision. Not you.
Queen Well, if you must. You must. But be quick about it.
Jury
(sings)
~uestions. ~ueations. Time to ask a few questions.
Questions, Questions. Time to ask a. te'1 questions.
Queen
QUickly, Quickly. Get it over with quickly.
JUP]
••
-q LJ ''" 'f 5n...::.. IS .a...5k.lvt;- ~av- 4..---' ~Vt<!..,k )..nd \·ro :nus tn' t ma.ks her wa.1 t too long
fr~t the d~er of a quick decision
Is you never know just what is right and \'that is wrong .
Questions. Questions. Time to ask a fe\'f questions
C3.ter .
(spoken to knave.) \fuat is your name .
Knave ...... -X·
~
111 ns:ne iS knave·"' Knave of Hearts
Duchess
~·/ell , he got tha.t one right.
Jury
QUestions, Questions . Time to ask some more questions.
Cater.
Is it true that you painted the roses red?
Knave
Well , yea, autj •••
32
And did you paint them ~ad because you had pl3.nted ~hite o~ea instead.
Kns.ve
Look, ~ihosa side are you on?
Queen
A.nBi'ler, the question.
Knave
Well, yes, but •••••
Duchess
Do I hear my baby crying?
All
No!
tJUGil:S83
" ... .. p ~ c 1-/2.5 5" .. I didn I t think so.
Queen
Next question.
Jury
##33
Questions. Questions. Time to ask some more questions.
Cater. Did you steal the Queen's cherry tarts?
Knave
No.
Queen Yes.
Knave No.
QUeen Yes.
Knave No .
Queen
Oh, off with his head.
Alice
Not yet.
QUeen
Well, make up your mind.
Rabbit
Do you rest your case?
Cater. ·
Well, not really •••••
Rabbit
The defense rests.
Knave
Some defense
QUeen well, what is your decision?
34
--Jury
Ana wers. Ana wers • Time to g1 ve a felt ana wers.
THEX HUDDLE TOGETHER AND \tE HEAR THE BEES BUZZING AND SMELL mE
WOOD BURNING. THEY COME OUT OF THEIR HUDDLE AND TAKE FORMAL
POSTIONS. ?Q.~ ~ Q I 11::. ( J,}e.C.I ") c,
RABBIT Your majesty, we have dec1ded ••• we have decided. Oh, my goodness. I forgo·
what we decided.
Hatter
~e have deo1ded that he is guilty.
Al1oe
No. that's wrong.
Q,Ueen
Th~t's right. Off with his head.
Knave and Alioe
uo. I
l THERE IS NOil A MAD CURRY DURING WHICH ALICE IS RETURNED TO HER
.. '1 c ' I ~ /'t
""'\ . ' j
t.:. I ---GARD&~ AND wONDERLAND DISAPPEARS. ALL OF THE VOICES OF rTONDERLAND <=) \ 1 k MELD INTO THE SINGLE VOICE OF MRS. l.Wl>!FORD CALLING OUT, 11 ALICE,
ALICE. HURRY UP ,ALICE'1 •
Alice
What happenned? How did I get here again?
Mrs. l-!. (offstage) Alice. Alice.
Alice
,,_ -• l ... . C.'-11:-. - -
CU'C: \ L\ B. (J
CuE tS DRop,
ceo=.. 2
Is that Mrs • ..tumt'ord calling? Or is it the Red Queen? Oh, maybe there
ian' t a red queen at all. 1-1aybe ?-lrs. ].~umtord was right.
(she sings)
Up iB up do•:m is down
One is sky, one 1a ground c That 1 s the way it must be froo now until
•
I must learn now to taoe it
Everything is \·there 3'0U place it ••••
THE RABBIT RUNS ACROSS ••• ONCE AGAIN HEADED FOR WONDERLAND
Rabbit
Oh, my goodness. Oh my goodness ••••
A11oe
oh. my goodness.
Rabbit
35
No sweetheart, it's not your goodness. It's my goodness. Oh, my
goodness. (runs off)
Allee
l-ira. z.tumtord 10u are not right. Rabbits do aarry wa.tohea.
THE RABBIT IS NQ;.~ RU~INING A.l.IONGST TrlE SILLOUHETTES OF THE WOND~llill
CHARACTE..q5
Rabbit
How else would I tell time. Honey?
Jf~j 1K~~\),+~ de ca.r;1.-_ ~···-h:J_e_ S And tor me they alwaya 1Vill •
THE VOICES OF WONDERLAND NOW RISE IN HARMONIC SPLENDOR AS THE CURTAIN
FALLS. (SLt v...~ )
AIJ ', A{IGe. THE END ••••• ••••• ••• or 1e it juat the beg1n&ing
'i e S I "l'~~C: 1
5 CA.. lA) C \ .. J ~ ~ 16-. '- c.,f
(_