AUCE IN WONDERLAND

Adapted from the works of Lewis Carroll

CAST OF CHARACTERS

AUCE \ J ' v..l

MRS. MUMFORD, Alice's Governess

.. TWEEDLEnEE

.QUEEN-G~

DUCHI<SS ~ " KNAVEOFHEARTS 1:j

MAD HA'ITER 'B DORMOUSE

' •

ACTI

SCENE l:A ROOM IN ALICE'S HOUSE

Rabbits Don't Carry Watches ................................ Mrs. Mumford & Alice

Wonderland White Rabbit & Alice

Journey To Wonderland The Company

SCENE 2:V ARlO US LOCATIONS IN WONDERLAND

WonderfuL .........•....•..................••.•..•.•..•.••.•..•.••••. Caterpillar

Never Seen An Egg Like That

Lullaby

A Ball at the Palace

SCENE l:THE MAD HATTER'S GARDEN

ACT II

Tweedledee, Tweedledum, Alice

Duchess, Queen. White Rabbit

Alice, Queen. White Rabbit. Knave, Caterpillar

Four O'Cloclc Tea. ............................................... Mad Hatter & Dormouse

Soon You'll See The Sun Alice, Caterpillar, Knave

The Trial The Company

SCENE 2:A ROOM IN ALICE'S HOUSE

Watch.es (reprise) ................................................. Alice

Finale The Company

.,

THE UGHTS COME UP DOWNSTAGE AND

WE SEE AUCE SEATED AT A DRESSING TABLE. TIIE MIRROR ON THE TABLE IS

SHAPED VERY MUCH LIKE A LARGE HAND-MIRROR. AUCE IS A YOUNG GrRL

SOMEWHERE BElWEEN THE AGES OF TEN AND TWELVE YEARS OLD AND IS

DRESSED IN CLOTHES APPROPRIATE FOR A YOUNG GIRL UVING IN THE GENTRIDED

ENGUSH COUNTRYSIDE OF THE LATE NINETEENTH CENTURY. UPSTAGE IN THE

SHADOWS THERE ARE SHAPES WE CANNOT MAKE OUT Bur WllL LATER BE SEEN AS

1HE •MARKERS* OF •woNDERLAND. • WE HEAR VOICES UGHTL Y CAlLING Our TO

AUCE. SHE IS NOT SURE WHAT SHE IS HEARING.

OFFSTAGE VOICE

(singing) A1ice....Aiice

AUCE

What? Who called?

OFFSTAGE VOICE

(singing) THAT'S THE WAY, YOU SEE

NEVER TO MISS ••••

I know rm atone, but.._

(singing) ROCKABYE AUCE

ON THE TREE TOP

Did someone catt1 Hello?

AUCE.

OFFSTAGE VOICE

AUCE

MRS. MUMFORD

(From offstage) Alice? Oh. Alice. (EOters)

AUCE

(Not noti.cing Mrs. Mumfotd) Is someone there?

page!

(MRS. MUMFORD IS AUCf:4S GOVERNESS.

SHE IS KIND Btrr A BIT OVERBEARING. EVERYTHING ABOtrr HER APPEARANCE AND

DEMEANOR SCREAMS OF ORDERLINESS.)

MRS.M.

Of cou:rne, someone is here, Alice. I am here.

AUCE

Oh. Mrs. Mumford. I thought I heard someone calling.

MRS.M.

You heard me calling. And...you didn't answer.

ALICE

But I thought I heard other things.

MRS.M

ALICE

Yes. Singing and...

MRS.M

Daydreaming again. Alice?

ALICE

No, not daydreaming, Mm. Mumford. Although. ••

MRS.M

Yes, dear? Although what?

ALICE

Well. I was thinking about that rabbit.

MRS.M

What rabbit?

page2

ALICE

Oh. you remember. I told you. The rabbit with the watch. I followed him and I fell down that

rabbit hole and...

MRS.M

Oh. Alice. You were daydreaming.

ALICE

No. Not daydreaming. Thinking. About the rabbit.

MRS.M

Alice. we both know that rabbits donot carry watches.

ALICE

Oh. but this one did. It was attached to a chain that attached to his ..•

MRS.M

Oh. Alice. Next you'll be telling me this furry little creatln'e was wearing a full dress suit.

ALICE

Oh. no. Not a. fuH dress suit. The chain was attached to a vest pocket. And I do believe he was

wearing knickers.

MRS.M

Alice. who knows what is true and what isn't? (Alice looks puzzled) "I" know what is true and

what isn't. A¢ rabbits ~ watches is not truth. it is daydreaming.

ALICE

But. ••

MRS.M

There are no 'buts.'

. . (MUSIC VAMP HAS STARTED)

page3

MRS. M (cont.)

(speaks in time to the music)

TALKING RABBITS?

Yes.

DANCING CARDS?

Yes. Yes.

ALICE

MRS.M

ALICE

MRS.M

AND A QUEEN PLAYING GAMES WITH A BIG PINK BIRD?

ALICE, THA'rS THE MOST PREPOSTEROUS STORY I HAVE EVER HEARD.

ALICE

But, see. You do remember what I told you.

MRS.M

011. yes.

CATS - FAT AND GRINNING

HARES IN JABOT

MOCK TORnES TALKING

NO, DEAR. NO!

(sings)

RABBITS HAVE NEVER HAD 'mE HABIT OF TELLING TIME

AND IF YOU KNOW A RABBIT WHO THINKS HE HAS THE HABIT

WEn BEI"I'ER HAVE A DOCTOR COME AND DOCTOR ON HIS MIND.

UP IS UP, DOWN IS DOWN

ONE IS SKY, ONE IS GROUND

AND A VAlLEY CAN NEVER BE A HilL

page4

ALL THESE SilLY Dll..LUSIONS ONLY LEAD TO FALSE CONCLUSIONS

RABBITS DO~ CARRY WATCHES AND THEY NEVER WILL.

RIGHT IS RIGHT. WRONG IS WRONG

SHORT IS SHORT, LONG IS LONG

THAT'S 1HE WAY IT MUST BE FROM NOW UNTIL

SOMEONE BREAKS THE CONNECTION, Bur TILL THEN -NO CIRCUMSPECTION

RABBITS DO~ CARRY WATCHES AND THEY NEVER WILL.

IUST SUPPOSE WITHOtrr REASON

THAT rnE FOUR YEARLY SEASONS

STARTED SWITCHING BACK AND FORTH AND ALL AROUND

ALL THE MON'IHS Otrr OF ORDER

WHY, rnEYEARCOULDBESHORTER

ITS THE KIND OF THING THAT MAKES A SANE SOCIETY UNSOUND.

WEARING GLOVES ON YOUR TOES

WEARING STOCKINGS ON YOUR NOSE

CAN'T YOU SEE. DEAR. rs JUST NOT APROPOS

YOU MUST LEARN, DEAR. TO FACE IT

EVERYTHING IS WHERE YOU PLACE IT

RABBITS DON'T CARRY WATCHES

AUCE

I KNOW

OF THE FACI'S rVE HAD MY FlLL

MRS.M

YOU CAN'T CHANGE THEM JUST FOR THRILLS

RABBITS DON'T CARRY WATCHES

AND THEY NEVER EVER WILL

AUCE

I KNOW, THEY NEVER EVER WILL.

(TilE MUSIC CONTINUES UNDER)

pageS

MRS.M

Now, flnish brushing your hair, dear. It's almost time for lunch.

ALICE

Yes, Mrs. Mumford.

MRS. MUMFORD

And Alice...do.n't daud!e. (she leaves)

ALICE

(sings)

JUST SUPPOSE- WITHOtrr REASON

THAT THE FOUR YEARLY SEASONS STARTED SWITCHING BACK AND FORTH AND ALL

AROUND

(THE MUSIC CHANGES TO A QUICK. UGHT

RUNNING SOUND)

ALICE Oh. welL Maybe rabbits don't caxry watches .•. but, I know that I saw what I saw when I saw iL

(THE WHITE RABBIT HURRIES IN FROM THE

DARKNESS UPSTAGE. HE IS INDEED WEARING KNICKERS AND CARRIES A WATCIL)

RABBIT

Oh. my goodness. Oh. my goodness. rm late. So very late. Oh. my goodness.

ALICE (Seeing the rabbit) Oh. my goodness!

RAB~IT

No. It i.s not 'your' goodness. It is 'my' goodness. (checks watch) Ohl My goodness.

ALICE Why •• .it's your Isn't it?

page6

RABBIT

Well. the last time I looked. I was me. Goodness! Do you think it is possible that I am not still

me? Maybe I should check. (He moves Alice aside and checks himself in the mirror ... from

several angles.) Well. everything looks as though it's still where it should be. So, I guess rm still

me. Why would you think otherwise?

ALICE

You don't remember me? You don't know who I am?

RABBIT

Young lady, with all that I have on my mind. I sometimes have difficulty remembering who •r

am.

ALICE

rm Alice.

RABBIT

Glad to meet you. Alex.

ALICE

No. Not Alex. That is short for Alexander. My name is A - lice. Alice.

RABBIT

Glad to meet you Alice Alice •

. ALICE

Oh. no. lust one.

RABBIT

lust one what?

ALICE

lust one Alice

RABBIT

I know that.

page7

AUCE

But I think you misunderstood. You said. ..

RABBIT

Oh, my goodness. I'm late.

ALICE

Oh, youre always late.

RABBIT

That is not a very nice thing to say. It's true. but it's not nice to say it Now, I must go.

AUCE

Mister Rabbit, are you by any chance on your way to Wonderland?

RABBIT

On my way to where?

AUCE

You know. That place where I was before.

RABBIT

How should I know where you were before? I'm not a psychic. I'm a rabbit A very late rabbit

AUCE

May l go with you?

RABBIT

Well. l don't see howl could stop you. But if you want to come, you mtist hu:ay. You see, I'm. ..

AUCE

Yes, I know. Youre late. Don't worry.

pageS

(she sings)

riL BE CLOSE ON YOUR HEELS

DOESNT MATTER WHERE YOU GO

OVER HILL, OVER DALE

NEVER FEAR. YOU'LL KNOW

RABBIT

Know what?

AUCE

I'M CLOSE BEHIND AND THERE rM SURE TO STAY

UNTIL I FlND TIIE WAY

RABBIT

The way? To where?

AUCE

TIIE WAY TO THE PLACE tHAT I LONG TO SEE AGAIN

Tim WAY TO WONDERLAND

RABBIT

Alice. we really must go.

MUSTN'T STOP, MUSTN'T WAIT

OR YOU SEE, I'lL BE LATE

THO I'M NOT SURE WHAT rM SURE rVE GOT SOME PLANS

SO, LETS BE OW TO- WONDERLAND.

PARDON ME, MUSTN'T STAY

GOTTOBEONMYWAY

WE'RE OFF TO KEEP A DATE wrm SOMETHING GRAND

WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO WONDERLAND

THRU THE LOOKING GLASS

OVER MAGIC PASS

BY ENCHANTED GARDENS WE WILL 00

pago9

RABBIT

COME ALONG

MUSTN'T WAIT

OR YOU SEE

WE'LL BE LATE

TIME IS WASTING, COME

AND TAKE MY HAND

TOGETHER

WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO WONDERLAND

ALICE

ALICE

HOW WELL I KNOW

COME ALONG

MUSTN'T WAIT

ORYOUSEE

WELL BELATE

HERE, TAKE MY HAND

(MUSIC CONTINUES UNDER)

Oh. Mister Rabbit. There is one thing. Do we have to go down that awful hole again?

RABBIT

Awful hole?

ALICE

Well. no disrespect intended. but the fall down the rabbit hole jostled me terribly the last time.

RABBIT

Well. as a matter of fact. I planned on taking the mirror •

. ALICE

Taking the mirror?

RABBIT

Yes. I thought we might take the shortcut. Thru the looking glass.

page 10

(AS HE SINGS THE RABBIT LIFrS THE

MIRROR FROM IT'S PLACE ON THE DRESSER)

RABBIT

THRU THE LOOKING GLASS

OVER MAGIC PASS

BY ENCHANTED GARDENS WE

WILL GO

TOGETHER

COME ALONG, MUSTN'T WAIT

OR YOU SEE WE'LL BE LATE

ALICE

LOOKING THRU THE LOOKING GLASSES

I CAN SEE THE MAGIC PASSES

IWANTTOGO

TIME IS WASTING COME AND TAKE MY HAND

WERE ON OUR WAY TO WONDERLAND

ON OUR WAY TO WONDERLAND.

FIGURES APPEAR IN THE SHADOWS. A

MIST Fn.LS THE STAGE. ONE OF THE ElGURES TURNS THE DRESSER AND WE SEE

THAT IT IS A GrANT MUSHROOM. TIIREE OTHER ElGURES ARE CARRYING OVERSIZED

REPUCAS OF mE MIRROR mE RABBIT HOLDS. AUCE AND THE RABBIT STEP THRU

EACH OF THE MIRRORS AS TilEY APPROACIL THE LIGHTS ARE SUDDENLY ABLAZE

WITH COLOR..SHARP CRA YOLA BANDS. FIGURES CROSS THE STAGE TRAILING WIDE

RIBBONS AND KITES THAT IN TURN HOLD BIRDS AND BUTTERFLIES. BLOCKS ARE

MOVED INTO PLACE (PERHAPS CLUBtDIAMONDISPADFJAND HEART SHAPES?). THESE

SHAPES WIIL LATER BE MOVED LIKE CHESS PIECES OR TOY BLOCKS TO FORM

NEEDED FURNITURE (TEA TABLE, JURY BOX ETC.) THE FIGURES DISAPPEAR BEHIND

UPSTAGE PANELS AND RE-EMERGE AS WONDERLAND CHARACTERS. THEY DANCE

ABOtiT AS THE RABBIT MOVES ALICE AROUND THE STAGE. SOON ALICE AND THE

RABBIT ARE LEFT ALONE ONSTAGE.

ALICE

(looking about) How extraordinary.

page 11

RABBIT

What?

ALICE

We are here.

RABBIT

Yes, we are here. But I can't stay here. I'm late and I have to get somewhere else.

ALICE

I should like to stay here •. .just for awhile. To look around a bit.

RABBIT

Look around at what?

ALICE

I could meet you later.

RABBIT

Very welL Meet me later. (starts to leave)

ALICE

But Mister Rabbit, where shall I meet you?

RABBIT

Why, wherever I'm at. (b.e leaves)

ALICE

But, where will that be? Mister Rabbit. Oh. dear. Now I shall have to find him on my own. He

always seems to be in a hurry. Poor Mister Rabbit.

CATERPU..LAR

(appearing from behind one of the upstage panels and making his way towrds the mushroom)

How do you know that he is a poor rabbit?

page lZ

•

AUCE

Oh! I didn't see you there.

(THE CATERPITLAR IS VERY MUCH IN LOVE

WITH HIMSELF. PERHAPS IT IS BECAUSE HE IS AWARE THAT HE WILL SOMEDAY BE A

BU'ITERFL Y AND TinS MYSTICAL TRANSFORMATION HAS GIVEN HIM REASON TO

FUNCTION ON A InGHER PLANE. INDEED HE SEEMS TO NOT TALK TO YOU, BUT

AT .. .AROUND ... OR ABOVE YOU.)

CATERPILLAR

How could you? I wasn't there before. Now ... as I said •. .How do you know he is a poor rabbit?

He looks well dressed to me. He's probably a very rich rabbit.

ALICE

Oh. but that's not what I mean.

CATERPILLAR

Then why don't you say what you mean? Pedlaps you don't know what you mean.

ALICE

Oh. I know what I mean. It's you who don't know what I mean.

CATERPILLAR

Nonsense. I know what everything means.

ALICE

I don't think anyone knows what everything means.

CATERPILLAR

Listen! One plus one equals two . Two plus two equals four. Four plus four equals eight Eight

plus eight is eighty-eight.

ALICE

Oh,no.

page 13

. •

CATERPILLAR

Oh, no ... what?

ALrCE

Eight plus eight equals sixteen.

CATERPILLAR

[s that what I said?

ALICE

No. You said eight plus eight is eight-eight

CATERPILLAR

Well. if that is what I said, then it must be so.

ALICE

But it isn't so. Eight plus eight equals sixteen.

CATERPILLAR

That can't be right

(THE CATERPILLAR MOVES TO ONE OF THE

BLOCKS AND PULLS UP A PANEL THAT IS A BLACKBOARD)

CATERPILLAR(cont)

Now, how do you make a sixteen?

ALICE

With a one and a six.

CATERPILLAR

(writing on the blackboard) lust as I thought A one and a six make sixteen. But •. an eight and an

eight make eighty-eight

ALICE

No, you didn't do it correctly ...

page 14

CATERPILLAR

Don't be stubborn. ICs not a becoming quality. People wont like you.

AUCE

Oh. you're impossible.

CATERPILLAR

Impossible? No. No, no, no. I'm wonderful. And if I'm not. . .someday I shall be. Everybody tells

me so. Wonderful. Wonderful.

AUCE

I've never known anyone so full of himself. You're conceited.

CATERPILLAR

Nonsenser I 'm modest. I am a modest. .. unassuming ... genius. {sings)

BRING YOUR PROBLEMS, I WILL SOLVE THEM

WANT SOLUTIONS? I'LL EVOLVE THEM

I'M WONDERFUL

I CAN CURE THECOMPUCATION

IN MOST ANY SITUATION

I'M WONDERFUL

I'M AN EXCELLENT PHYSICIAN

QUITE AT HOME IN ANY KITCHEN

WHAT I MEAN IS: I'M A DOCTOR AND A COOK

I'M A wmz AT MATHEMATICS

(YOU SHOULD COME SEE MY QUADRATICS)

WHY SOMEDAY I TIIINK I JUST MIGHT WRITE A BOOK.

I CAN CLEAR UP ANY ~ST'RY

WHETHER CURRENT OR IN HIST'RY

I'M WONDERFUL

page 15

. . AND rM SURE YOU FIND IT PLEASANT

TO BE STANDING IN MY PRESENCE

rM WONDERFUL

EVERYONE KNOWS THERE'S NO KILLER-DILLER

QUITE KILLER-DILLERED AS THIS CATERPILLAR

WON ..• WON ... WON •.. WON ... WONDERFUL

(He pushes the blackboard back into place as he talks)

So, you see, when you think of me - and you must thin:l,c of me •.. everyone does - think of me as

special.

AUCE

You think enough of yourself that no one else need bother.

CATERPILLAR

Oh. it's no bother. People enjoy admiring me.

(sings)

EVERYONE KNOWS THERE'S NO KILLER-Dn.LER

QUITE KILLER-DULERED AS THIS CATERPH.LAR

rM WON ••• WON ••• WON ••• WON ... WONDERFUL

WON ••• WON ... WON .•• WON ... WONDERFUL

WON ... WON ... WON ... WON ••• WONDERFUL.

(He leaves as the music trails off)

AUCE

Well, I never.

(FROM BEHIND TWO MORE PANELS COME

TWEEDLEDEE AND 1WEEDLEDUM. TilEY ARE LIKE 1WO MISCHIEVOUS MUNCHKINS

WHO CRAVE ATTENTION.)

DEE

You never what?

page 16

• •

AUCE

I beg your pardon? .

DUM

Oh. come on. Tell us. You never what?

AUCE

Well. I was really referring to a caterpillar I just met.

DEE

A caterpillar?

DUM

r ve never met a caterpillar.

DEE

Neither have L

DUM

(to Alice) You must tell us about it sometime.

DEE

Not now. But sometime.

DUM

Do you like recitations?

ALICE

Why, yes. I sometimes do recitations at home. Would you like to hear one?

DEEANDDUM

No!

DEE

You do yours at home. We'll do ours here.

DUM Sit down. Over there.

page 17

DEE

I'm Tweedledee.

DUM

rm Tweedledum

DEEANDDUM

Twinkle, twinkle little bat

How we wonder what you're at

Up above the world you fly

Like a tea tray in the sky.

Do you know that one?

DEE

ALICE

Well. ·it sounds fami.liar. But it's not exactly as I remember it.

DUM

What about this one?

Bumpity Dumpity sat on a wall

Bumpity Dumpity had a great fall

ALICE

Don't you mean Humpty Dumpty?

DEE

No. Bumpity Dumpity. A friend of ours. Actually .• .he's an egg.

DUM

A little bit hard-boiled sometimes, but still, we think he's a good egg.

DEE

Would you like to meet him?

page 18

AUCE

That would be nice.

DUM AND DEE MOVE TO A WING AND PULL

ON A SECTION OF WALL ON TOP OF WlflCH SITS DUMPITY. HE BEARS A

REMARKABLE RESEMBLANCE TO HUMPTY DUMPTY (PRIOR TO HIS FALL))

AUCE

r don't think rve ever seen such a large egg before.

DEE

Come on down. Bumpity and say hello to .•. to ••.

AUCE

Alice.

(DEE AND DUM LIFr BUMPITY (A LIFESIZE

STIJFFED FIGURE) DOWN FROM THE WALL .BUMPITY IS RIGGED TO BE AITACHED TO

THE SIDES OF DEE AND DUM. DUM MAKES BUMPITY'S HA!\"D WAVE "Ill.")

DUM

He doesn't talk much.

DEE

But he's very unusual, don't you think?

DEE&DUM

(sing)

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN EGG LIKE HIM BEFORE

IN A CARTON IN YOUR LOCAL GROCERY STORE

ALICE

rLL BET NO ClfiCKEN HAD A HAND IN HATCHING THAT

page 19

DEEANDDUM

HAVE YOU EVERS~ AN EGG THATS QUITE TillS BIG

EVEN BIGGER THAN OUR UNCLE'S SUCKLING PIG

rF HE EVER WERE TO FALL DOWN OFF IllS WALL HE'D MAKE A SPLAT.

rF YOU WANT TO TAKE HIM OUT TO LUNCH YOU'RE TAKING QUITE A GAMBLE

EVERY COOK THAT GETS A LOOK AT HIM 'WILL HAVE TIIE URGE TO SCRAt\.ffiLE

ALICE

HAVE YOU NOTICED TIIAT IllS COLOR'S NOT QUITE RIGHT?

WOULDN'T WANT TO BE AROUND THIS EGG AT NIGIIT

IS HE JUST ONE OR DO YOU THINK THERE MIGHT BE MORE?

AND WHO CAN TElL

WHAT'S IN THAT SHELL

NOT YOU. NOT ME

DEEANDDUM

rM SURE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN AN EGG LIKE t1!M BEFORE.

<THEY GO INTO A DANCE WITH DEE AND

DUM OPERATING BUMPITY AS A T'"rliRD PERSON IN TriEiR CHORUS LIN.t:. i

AIL

rF YOU EVER RUN ACROSS AN EGG LIKE THIS DOI,rT TRY TO FOActi u

&~CISE A BIT OF CAUTION EV'RY TIME THAT YOU APPROACH IT

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN.EGG LIKE THIS BEFORE . .

IN A CARTON IN YOUR LOCAL GROCERY STORE

ALTIIOUGH WE lUST KNOW ON.t:.. wtiO :KNOWS

TIIERE MIGIIT BE MORE

AND WHO CAN TELL

WHATS IN THAT SHEIL

NOT YOU. NOT ME

rM SURE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN AN EGG LII'~ TillS BEFORE.

NOT EVER BEFORE.

NEVER EVER BEFORE.

~RESURE.

page20

(THE END OF THE SONG HAS CARRIED

TWEEDLEDEE, TWE~DLEDUM AND BUMPITY OFFSTAGE. ALICE FOLLOWS BUT IS

BACKED INTO VIEW AGAIN BY THE WIDTE RABBIT WHO PACES IN QUICKLY)

RABBIT

The Queen of Hearts she made some tarts. Oh, my goodness. The Knave of Hearts he stole the

tarts. Oh. my goodness.

ALICE

Mister Rabbit rm so glad you found me.

RABBIT

(still pacing) Made the tarts. Stole the tarts. GOodness.

ALICE

rve met some most unusual people. Well, actually ... they weren't people. Not in the strictest sense

of the word.

RABBIT

All on a summer's day. Stole the tarts away. At least that's what they say.

ALICE

Mister Rabbit! What is all this mumbling about tarts?

The Queen of Hearts

She made some tarts

all on a summer day

The Knave of Hearts

He stole the tarts

And took them quite away.

RABBIT

ALICE

Is that a riddle? If it is, it's not a very good one.

page 21

RABBIT

No, it's not a riddle. It'~ the truth. Or at least. the Queen thinks it is the truth. And that's the same

thing.

ALICE

Well. thinking something is true doesn't necessarily make it so.

RABBIT

It does if you're the Queen of Hearts.

QUEEN

(from offstage) Off with his head!

(THERE IS A FANFARE AND THE QUEEN

APPEARS FROM BEHIND ONE OF THE UPSTAGE PANELS. SHE IS FOLLOWED BY THE

DUCHESS. THE QUEENS "CHEW THE SCENERY" PERSONALITY AND "GET OUT OF· MY

WAY" COSTUME ARE INDICATIONS OF HER ERRATIC AND SELF-INDULGENT

QUAUTIES. THE DUCHESS APPEARS TO BE SOME KIND OF CROSS BETWEEN A ROYAL

PERSONAGE AND A HOUSE FRAU. SHE CARRIES A PIG WRAPPED IN A BABY

BLANKET.)

QUEEN

Off with ... Off with ... (to Rabbit) Where is he?

RABBIT

Not here, your majesty.

QUEEN

I can see that. (to Alice) Do you know where he is?

ALICE

Who?

QUEEN

The Knave of Hearts.

page 22

ALICE

No, I don't.

QUEEN

Who are you?

ALICE

Well, I'm not the Knave of Hearts. My name is Alice.

QUEEN

Well. if you haven't seen the Knave of Hearts I suppose you haven't seen my tarts. He stole them,

you know.

ALICE

How can you be sure?

QUEEN

Well. he painted the roses red. didn't he?

ALICE

I don't know. (looks at Rabbit) Did he? (Rabbit nods 'yes.')

QUEEN

I specifically ordered that red roses be planted in my garden and the Knave planted white roses

instead. Then, in order to fool me .. .he thought • .he went about painting the white roses wih red

paint

ALICE

But what has that got to do with your tarts?

QUEEN

Well, it proves that the Knave is sneaky. And it takes a sneaky person to steal my tarts. So, the

Knave must be guilty.

(THE BABY CRIES)

page23

QUEEN(cont)

Can't you keep that bab_y quiet?

DUCHESS

The baby wants to play. Can't we play something? A game.

QUEEN

Yes! A game. (to Alice) Do you play croquet?

ALICE

Yes, I do. Rather welL

QUEEN

We'll see about that.

(THE RABBIT BRINGS A PINK FLAMINGO TO

THE QUEEN WinCH SHE SWINGS LIKE A MALLET. THE DUCHESS PLACES THE BABY

ON THE GROUND IN FRONT OF A WICKET. AN "ENGLISH GARDEN" THEME PLAYS

UGHTL YIN THE BACKGROUND. JUST AS THE QUEEN PREP ARES TO STRIKE THE

BABY, ALICE SCREAMS OUT ••• )

ALICE

Stop. You can't do that.

QUEEN

Are you making up new rules? Only I can do that, you know.

ALICE

You can't hit the baby with the bird.

QUEEN

Then how ace we to play ccoquet? (Alice tries to answer, but. .. ) Oh, never mind. I win!

ALICE

How can you be the winner? We didn't play.

page24

QUEEN

Well, I would have w~o if you had let me play. I always win.

DUCHESS

If we can't play ccoquet. then let's play football.

QUEEN

Football! Oh, I'm so glad I thought of it.

ALICE

But you didn't think of it.

DUCHESS AND RABBIT

Boom-a-laka. Boom-a-laka

BisBoomBah

Pass that baby

Rah.! Rab.l Rahl

FIN AIL Y THROWING IT TO THE QUEEN)

ALICE

Stop that this instant.

QUEEN

(THEY BEGIN TO TOSS THE BABY AROUND,

You are very hard to please. Here, hold the Duchess's baby.

ALICE

(takes the baby and unwraps the blanket so we see it is a pig) Oh, my goodness. This isn't a baby.

DUCHESS

Of course, it is.

ALICE

But it looks like a pig.

page 25

•

QUEEN

Are you saying the Du<;hess's baby looks like a pig?

RABBIT

Maybe it's a baby pig.

ALICE

And if it's a baby, it's awfully big.

DUCHESS

Who says my bab~ is a big pig?

ALICE

I'm sorry, but it does look like a pig.

DUCHESS

So? You don't like pigs?

ALICE

Well. I never really thought about it.

QUEEN

(takes baby and gives it to Duchess) Here. Put it to sleep.

Rock-a-bye piggy

On the tree top

It is rather cute .. .for a pig.

DUCHESS

RABBIT

(THE DUCHESS SINGS A LULLABY WITH

THE RABBIT AND QUEEN ACTING AS HER BACK-UP SINGERS. TO ALICE IT MUST

APPEAR LIKE THE SUPREMES TRAPPED IN A BRECHT/WEILL CABARET)

page 26

..

DUCHESS

THE COOK'S IN THE. KITCHEN

SHE'S MAKING A BIG POT OF SOUP (Rabbit & Queen:SHOO BE DOOP SHOO BE DOOP)

THE MAJOR INGREDIENTS ARE RAINCOATS, UMBRELLAS AND BOOTS

THE TASTE ISN'T GREAT BUT THE NEXT TIME IT'S RAINING INSIDE

YOU WONT HAVE TO WORRY YOU'RE DIGESTIVE TRACf WILL BE DRY.

HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE THE CAT AND THE FIDDLE WILL SOON

BE PLAYING A TUNE SO THE COW CAN IUMP OVER THE MOON

THE LITTLE DOG'S LAUGIDNG, HE TillNKS THAT THEY'RE HAVING GREAT FUN

THE DISH MET THE SPOON AND THEY'RE SOON GONNA BE ON THE RUN.

ROCK-A-BYE PIGGY ON THE TREE TOP

ROCK-A-BYE PIGGY ON THE TREE TOP

DUCHESS&QUEEN&RABBIT

THE COOICS IN THE KITCHEN, SHE'S MAKING A BIG POT OF SOUP

SHOO BE DOOP, SHOO BE DOOP, SHOO BE DOOP

THE MAJOR INGREDIENTS ARE RAINCOATS, UMBRELLAS AND BOOTS

SHOO BE DOOP, SHOO BE DOOP, SHOO BE DOOP

DUCHESS

COME MISTER SANDMAN AND SPRINKLE MY DEAR BABY'S EYES

THE DUCHESS IS TIRED OF SINGING THIS LULLABY

QUEEN & RABBIT

ROCK-A-BYE PIGGY ON THE TREE TOP

DUCHESS&QUEEN&RABBIT

ROCK! ROCK! ROCK!

ALICE

What a strange lullaby that was.

page 27

DUCHESS

It wasn't strange when it came out of my mouth. If it was strange when it went into yocr cars.

well. that is your problem. E.xcuse me. r,·e got to put the liale darling to bed. (Le:n es)

QUEEN Now, where was 1? Ob., yes ... Off with his head!

RABBIT

Your majesty. (she looks) He's not here.

QUEEN

Who?

RABBIT

The kna\·e of Hearts.

QUEEN

Oh. You're right. Well.. don't just stand tha-e. Find him.

RABBIT

Yes, your majesty. Right away. (leaving} Oh, my goodness.

ALICE

You know you can't just cut off his head.

QUEEN I can cut off any head that I like.

ALICE

First you must prove that he stole your tans.

QUEEN

Prove? How?

ALICE

Well, you could give him a trial.

page 28

QUEEN A trial? Now that might be fun. Oh, but if we have a trial we'll need things like lawyers and

bailiffs and ... you know ...

CATERPILLAR

(entering) Pemaps I can be of service.

ALICE

Oh, no. Not you again. Don't tell me you're a lawyer too.

CATERPILLAR

All right. I wont tell you. I'll let you fmd out for yourself. (to Queen) Whom am I to represent?

QUEEN

The Knave of Hearts.

CATERPILLAR

And where, may I ask. can I find this gentleman?

(THE RABBIT ENTERS WITH THE KNAVE OF

HEARTS. HE IS - QUITE LITERALLY - A CARD.)

RABBIT

Right here. I've found him, your majesty.

QUEEN

Good. Now, off with his head.

KNAVE

What?

ALICE

No, your majesty. The trial comes first.

QUEEN

Oops. I forgot.

page 29

KNAVE

What trial?

CATERPILLAR

Your trial. I am to be your lawyer.

KNAVE

Is this about the roses? (to Queen) There are no more white roses, your majesty.

QUEEN

Not now. But what if it rains? All of that red paint will be washed away and there will be no

more red roses ... only white ones.

ALICE

This has nothing to do with the roses.

KNAVE

Who are you?

RABBIT

That's Alice.

KNAVE

You're not the Queen's lawyer, are you?

ALICE

Oh. heaven's no.

KNAVE

Good. If this isn't about the roses, then why must I have a trial? Why does she want to cut off my

head.

RABBIT

(Opens a proclamation and reads) The Queen of Hearts made some tarts, all on a sununer day.

The Kanve of Hearts stole the tarts and took them quite away.

page JO

KNAVE

No, Ididn1t

QUEEN Yes, you did.

KNAVE

No, I didn1t

QUEEN Yes, you did.

CATERPILLAR

This is good. Good.

ALICE

Why is it good?

CAT

There are two sides to the story. That will make the trial more interesting.

QUEEN When the trial is over, I think ru have a big celebration.

ALICE

How do you know you•ll have a reason to celebrate?

RABBIT

She's right, your majesty. Perhaps we should celebrate before the trial, then it wont matter if we

have a reason.

QUEEN Good idea. How shall we celebrate?

RABBIT

Well, we could have a ball.

page 31

QUEEN Oh, I know! We could.have a ball. Yes. A ball. I'm so glad I thought of it.

ALICE

But, you didn't think of it.

RABBIT

(to Alice) Shhh!

QUEEN

(sings)

A BALL AT THE PALACE, THE PALACE, THE PALACE

A BALL AT THE PALACE

RABBIT

FORAUCE!

ALICE

FORME?

ALL (except Alice)

A BALL AT THE PALACE, THE PALACE, THE PALACE

A BALL AT THE PALACE

THERE'S GOING TO BE

ALICE

WHERE IS THERE TO BE A BALL?

ALL

THEPALACE,THEPALACE

ALICE

WHO IS GOING TO GIVE THE BALL?

QUEEN

page 32

RABBIT

NATURALLY, THE QUEEN. (Queen: "Yes!")

KNAVE

AND FOR WHOM IS IT T o bE.-

QUEEN & RABBIT

FOR ALICE, FOR ALICE.

ALL

AND THE BALL IS BOUND TO BE THE BEST YOU'VE EVER SEEN

KNAVE

(to Alice)

YOUR HAIR CAN BE DONE UP WITH RIBBONS AND FLOWERS

YOUR DRESS CAN BE TRIMMED WITH THE FINEST OF LACE

QUEEN AND I SHALL BE WRAPPED IN MY MINK -NO, MY ERMINE

WITH DIAMONDS ALL OVER THE PLACE

RABBIT

I GUESS THAT rLL HAVE TO WEAR FORMAL ATTIRE

MY WHITE Till, MY TAILS AND MY NEW EASTER HAT

CATERPILLAR

AND I SHALL APPEAR IN MY BUTTERFLY CAPELET

ALL EYES WILL BE ON ME IN THAT

ALL

A GOOD TIME IS COMING FOR ALL

FOR IN HONOR OF ALICE

THERE IS AT THE PALACE TO BE A BALL.

A BALL. A BALL. A BALL. A BALL.

page 33

(Chanted)

A BALL AT THE P ALA.CE, THE PALACE, THE PALACE

A BALL AT THE PALACE FOR ALICE

ALICE

FORME!

ALL

A BALL AT THE PALACE, THE PALACE, THE PALACE

A BALL AT THE PALACE THERE'S GOING TO BE.

(The following sections are all sung at the same time)

ALICE: AH. ..........

QUEEN :A BALL AT THE PALACE

A BALL AT THE PALACE

A BALL AT THE PALACE

THERE IS TO BE

RABBIT & KNAVE: A BALL, A BALL, A BALL, A BALL

A BALL, A BALL, A BALL, A BALL.

CATERPILLAR: THERE IS TO BE, THERE IS TO BE, THERE IS TO BE A BALL

THERE IS TO BE, THERE IS TO BE, THERE IS TO BE A BALL.

ABALLATTHEPALACE

FOR ALICE AT THE PALACE

AT THE PALACE FOR ALICE

A BALL, A BALL

ALL

A BALL, A BALL, A BALL, A BALL, A BALL

A BALL

A .............. BALL, A BALL, A BALL, A BALL, A BALL

A BALL.

END ACT 1

page 34

ACT II

THE LIGHTS COME UP ON THE GARDEN OF

THE MAD HATTER. THE HATTER AND THE DORMOUSE ARE SIN'GING AND SETTING

UP THE TEA TABLE. EVERYTHING ON THE TABLE INCLUDING A COLORFUL POTTED

PLANT LOOKS AS THO IT CAME FROM AN ANIMATED CARTOON. ALICE ENTERS AND

STOPS TO LISTEN AND WATCH.

HATTER & DORMOUSE

(singing)

WE ALWAYS HAVE OUR FOUR 0' CLOCK TEA

PRECISELY AT THE STROKE OF THREE

FOR THAT'S THE WAY YOU SEE

NEVER TO MISS YOUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA

WE ALWAYS HAVE OUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA

PRECISELY AT THE STROKE OF THREE

FOR THAT'S THE WAY YOU SEE

NEVER TO MISS YOUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA.

ALICE

What did you say?

DORMOUSE

What did we say?

HATTER

If it's a secret, we'll give it away.

DORMOUSE

Is it a secret?

HATTER

I don't know, my friend.

page 35

DORMOUSE

How can we tell?

HATTER

We'll sing it again.

(they do)

WE ALA WAYS HAVE OUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA

PRECISELY AT THE STROKE OF THREE

FOR THAT'S THE WAY YOU SEE

NEVER TO MISS YOUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA

DORMOUSE

Says who?

ALICE

Says me.

HATTER

Come here, little filly.

ALICE

Why do you have your four o'clock tea at three?

HATTER

You know, I think she's talking to me.

We have it at three so we wont be late for four.

ALICE

That doesn't make sense.

DORMOUSE

It did before.

ALICE

Then why don't you call it three o'clock tea?

page 36

HATTER

Oh! That would mean starting at two. You see?

DORMOUSE

I don't think she does. You'd better restate.

HATTER

If we waited till three, we'd surely be late.

ALICE

For four?

HATTER

No! Three.

DORMOUSE

That's why we'd start at two

ALICE

But it's so confusing.

HATTER

Only to you.

HATTER & DORMOUSE

(sing)

WE ALWAYS HAVE OUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA

PRECISELY AT THE STROKE OF THREE

FOR THATS THE WAY YOU SEE

NEVER TO MISS YOUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA.

HATTER

Come. Join us for tea.

(THE HATTER AND THE DORMOUSE TAKE THE ONLY

TWO AVAILABLE CUPS.)

page 37

ALICE

But, I don't have a cup.

DORMOUSE

No cup? Bad luck.

HATTER

If you don't have a cup, how will you drink tea?

DORMOUSE

Out of the pot?

HATTER

Well. let's see.

(THE HATTER TAKES THE POT AND POURS TEA DOWN

THE THROAT OF THE DORMOUSE.)

ALICE

Is that how you expect me to drink my tea?

HATTER

If that's what you want, it's all right with me.

(THE HA ITER PICKS UP A KNIFE AND A

LOAF OF BREAD. THE DORMOUSE PICKS UP A JAR OF JAM.)

ALICE

Are we going to have some jam and bread?

HATTER

Jam and bread?

ALICE

Yes. Jam and bread.

page 38

HATTER

Well, 1 suppose we co~d have jam and bread; but I'd rather have bread and jam instead.

ALICE

But, isn't that the same ...

HATTER

Oh, no! ru show you where the jam should go. (to Dormouse) Hold out your hand and get some

jam.

(THE HA TIER SMEARS JAM ON THE HAND

OF THE DORMOUSE AND THEN THE TWO TURN TO ALICE.)

HATTER & DORMOUSE

Hold out your hand and get some jam. Hold out your hand and get some jam.

ALICE

Stop it!

HATTER

She's right, my friend. It's time for four o'clock tea again.

HATTER & DORMOUSE

WE ALWAYS HAVE OUR FOUR O'CLOCK TEA

PRECISELY AT THE STROKE OF THREE

FOR THAT'S THE WAY YOU SEE

NEVER TO MISS YOUR FOUR O'CLOCK

FOUR O'CLOCK

FOUR O'CLOCK TEA.

(THE CATERPILLAR ENTERS TALKING TO

THE KNAVE.)

CATERPILLAR

No, no, no, no no! You must admit to nothing.

page 39

KNAVE

I d.idn'L I only said I ~asn't guilty.

CATERPILLAR

What has that got to do with anything?

ALICE

What's going on?

CATERPILLAR

We haven't much time. The Queen will be here at any moment to start the trial.

ALICE

But what about the ball?

KNAVE

She called it off. She thinks the trial will be more fun than a ball at the palace. It's all so

depressing.

ALICE

You musn't say thaL After all, you're innocenL •. aren't you?

KNAVE

Yes, I am.

ALICE

Then, we'll prove it at the trial and you'll go free. (to Caterpillar) Wont he?

CATERPILLAR

Well, we may have to take it to a higher court.

KNAVE

But there isn't anyone higher than the Queen of Hearts.

ALICE

What about the King of Hearts?

page 40

HATTER &DORMOUSE Hah!

KNAVE

I'm doomed.

CATERPILLAR

Stop saying that! You're filling the air with bad vibrations. Think good thoughts.

(speaks in time to music) I don't believe in moping. I believe in hoping. (sings)

IF MY HOROSCOPING'S TRUE

SOON WE'LL SEE THE SUN COJ.\.1E SHINING THRU

ALICE

He's right. Cheer up. It's going to work out.

(sings)

GRIEF IS TOO CONFINING

LOOK FOR SILVER LININGS

THEY CAN HELP IMPROVE THE VIEW

SOON YOULL SEE THE SUN COJ.\.1E SHINING THRU

CATERPILLAR & ALICE

DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S DARKEST

JUST BEFORE THEDA WN

AND EVERY TUNNEL HAS A LIGHTED END

AND WHEN THE GRASS IS GREENER

IN SOMEONE ELSE'S YARD

GO COLLECT YOUR WEEDS AND JUST PRETEND THEY'RE ROSES

CATERPILLAR

IF YOU'RE FEELIN WEARY

ALICE

AND THINGS ARE LOOKIN DREARY

page 41

ALICE & CATERPILLAR

CLEARLY, WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO

IS LOOK TO SEE THE SUN COME SI:llNING THRU

KNAVE

WHAT'S THE USE COl'vfPLAININ

EVEN IF IT'S RAININ

ABOVE THE CLOUDS THE SKY IS BLUE (Alice & Caterpillar:"That's right.")

ALICE/CATER/KNAVE

SOON WE'LL SEE THE SUN COME SillNING THRU

PROBLEMS IN THE NOODLE

TAKE THE WHOLE CABOODLE

BID THE PROBLEMS 'TOODLE-00'

SOON WE'LL SEE THE SUN COME SlllNING THR.U

DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S DARKEST

JUST BEFORE THEDA WN

AND EVERY TUNNEL HAS A LIGHTED END

AND WHEN THE GRASS IS GREENER IN SOMEONE ELSE'S YARD

GO COLLECT THE WEEDS AND JUST PRETEND THE~RE ROSES

GRIEF IS TOO CONFINING

LOOK FOR SILVER LININGS

THEY CAN HELP IMPROVE THE VIEW

SOON WE'LL SEE THE SUN COME SillNING

SinNING, SmNING

SOON WE'LL SEE THE SUN COME SI:llNING THRU.

FOR YOU

SHINETHRU.

(THE QUEEN ENTERS AND CUTS OFF THE

SONG BY SHOUTING ... )

page 42

QUEEN

Off with his head.

KNAVE

Oh,No!

QUEEN

Oh yes.

QUEEN(cont)

(to Hatter and Dormouse) Catch him.

(THE KNAVE RUNS A WAY)

(THE HATIER AND THE DORMOUSE

PURSUE THE KNAVE. ALICE TRIES TO STOP THEM. THE WIITTE RABBIT ENTERS AND

WITH THE QUEEN AND THE CATERPILLAR THEY SET UP THE "COURTROOM." ONCE

THE FURNITURE IS ARRANGED THE KNAVE RUNS INTO THE DOCKET)

DORMOUSE

Got him.

QUEEN

Good. Off with his head.

ALICE

Not yet We have to have the trial first

QUEEN

Oh, yes. I keep forgetting that part

HATIER

I've never been to a trial before. I hope I like it

CATERPILLAR

Your honor ...

page43

•

RABBIT (to Queen) That's you.

QUEEN How nice. Say it again.

CATERPILLAR Your honor, this is clearly a case of misunderstanding.

QUEEN This is clearly a case of robbery.

CATERPILLAR The question is ... is he guilty or not guilty.

HATTER That seems like a very fair question,.

QUEEN He's guilty!

HATTER I object.

DORMOUSE You object to what?

HATTER Well. I really don't know. It just seemed like the thing to say.

ALICE (to Queen) You can't decide if he's guilty or not.

QUEEN I can't?

ALICE No. That is the decision of the jury.

QUEEN What jury?

ALICE Well, all of us can be the jury.

QUEEN All of us?

ALICE Well, all of us except you.

44

QUEEN What? Why not me?

ALICE WeU, you're prejudiced.

QUEEN I am not! (she beckons to the Rabbit and whispers) Prejudice? What does that mean?

RABBIT It means you wont be fair.

QUEEN What? Stuff and nonsense! I am always fair. Watch. I'll show you. (She walks away and addresses the space she has just vacated.) Queen, are you fair? (Returns to the original space) You are the fairest person I know. (to Alice) There. You see.

ALICE No. We must make the decision. Not you.

QUEEN Oh, very well. But, be quick about it

(A VAMP BEGINS AND THE HATTER AND DORMOUSE HANG A SIGN READING "JURY BOX." )

HATTER/DORMOUSE/RABBIT

QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, TIME TO ASK A FEW QUESTIONS QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, TIME TO ASK A FEW QUESTIONS

QUEEN QUICKLY, QUICKLY, GET IT OVER WITH QUICKLY.

ALICE Your majesty, you mustn't interfere.

ALL (except the Queen)

SHE IS ASKING FOR A QUICK DECISION AND WE MUSTN'T MAKE HER WAIT TOO LONG BUT THE DANGER OF A QUICK DECISION IS YOU NEVER KNOW JUST WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG.

CATERPILLAR What is your name?

45

KNAVE My name is Knave of Hearts.

HATTER Was that the right answer?

RABBIT Yes, it was.

HATTER & DORMOUSE (standing and applauding) Bravo! Bravo!

CATERPILLAR Now, Mister Knave of Hearts ... is it true that you painted the roses red?

KNAVE What?

QUEEN Answer the question.

KNAVE Well. yes, but ..

CATERPILLAR And did you paint them red because you had planted white roses by mistake/

KNAVE Well, yes, but..

CATERPILLAR And isn't it true that the Queen of Hearts hates white roses?

Q{)EEN Yes! Yes! Yes!

KNAVE (to Caterpillar) Hey! Whose side are you on?

ALICE I don't think you're doing a very good job.

CATERPILLAR Nonsense. I'm wondeerful.

QUEEN Aie there any more questions?

46

HATIERJDORMOUSEIRABBIT QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, TIME TO ASK SOME MORE QUESTIONS QUESTIONS, QUESTiONS, TIME TO ASK SOME MORE QUESTIONS

QUEEN QUICKLY, QUICKLY, GET IT OVER WITH QUICKLY

ALICE

This is the strangest trial that I have ever seen.

ALL (except Queen)

SHE IS ASKING FOR A QUICK DECISION

AND WE MUSTNT MAKE HER WAIT TOO LONG

BUT THE DANGER OF A QUICK DECISION IS

YOU NEVER KNOW IUST WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG

CATERPILLAR

Knave of Hearts, tell us now ... in your own words ... did you steal the Queen's cherry tarts?

KNAVE

No, I did not

CATERPILLAR

I rest my case.

QUEEN

My tum! (to Rabbit) Go ahead. Cross examine him. Ask some questions.

RABBIT

But. your majesty what shall I ask?

QUEEN

Well, for one thing ask him where he was on the night of July 4, 1776.

RABBIT

(to Knave) Where were you on the night of July fourth? Seventeen seventy six?

47

" u ..

KNAVE

I don't think I was bort:J. yeL

QUEEN

See how he avoids answering the question?

HATTER & DORMOUSE

Ooooooh.

QUEEN

Jury, what is your verdict?

HATTER/DORMOUSE/RABBIT

ANSWERS, ANSWERS, TIME TO GIVE A FEW ANSWERS

ANSWERS, ANSWERS, TIME TO GIVE A FEW ANSWERS

QUEEN

QUICKLY, QUICKLY, GET IT OVER WITH QUICKLY

ALICE

(to Knave) Don't worry. There is no evidence aga.i.nst you.

ALL (except Alice and Queen)

SHE IS ASKING FOR A QUICK DECISION

AND WE MUSTNT MAKE HER WAIT TOO LONG

BUT THE DANGER OF A QUICK DECISION IS

YOU NEVER KNOW JUST WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG.

(ALICE, THE I-lATTER, THE

DORMOUSE, THE CATERPILLAR, AND THE RABBIT HUDDLE AROUND THE JURY BOX.

WHEN THEY FINISH THEIR 'DELIBERATION' THE HATTER STEPS FORWARD)

HATTER

We have decided ... we have decided ... oh, dear. I've forgotten what we decided.

... " .. QUEEN

You have decided tha~ he is guilty.

ALICE

No. That's wrong.

QUEEN

No. That's righL Now be quiet or I shall call out my soldiers.

ALICE

Your soldiers are nothing more than a pack of cards.

QUEEN

What?

ALICE

You are just a card.

QUEEN

I warned you. Off with her head!

ALICE

What?

QUEEN

Off with her head!

(THE HATTER AND THE DORMOUSE

MOVE TOWARDS ALICE. SHE AVOIDS THEM AND STARTS TO RUN AWAY. SET PIECES

ARE SHIFTED ABOUT AS ALICE RUNS TO AVOID THE HATTER AND DORMOUSE. THE

RABBIT BECKONS TO ALICE AND GUIDES HER THRU THE CONFUSION. EVENTUALLY,

ALICE IS TRAPPED IN ALL OF THE LARGE MIRRORS WE SAW WHEN SHE FIRST LEFT

FOR WONDERLAND. SMOKE BILLOWS UP AROUND THE MIRRORS AND WHEN IT

CLEARS, ALICE IS AGAIN STANDING AT HER DRESSING TABLE.)

49

ALICE

What happened? How.d.id I get here again? (She looks into the mirror) I was sure I was there.

With the Rabbit and the Knave. And the Red Queen wanted to cut off my head. And ... Oh,

maybe there is no Red Queen. Maybe I was daydreaming. Maybe ... maybe Mrs. Mumford is

right

(sings)

UP IS UP, DOWN IS DOWN

ONE IS SKY, ONE IS GROUND

THAT'S THE WAY IT MUST STAY FROM NOW UNTIL ... ?

I MUST LEARN NOW TO FACE IT

EVERYTinNG IS WHERE YOU PLACE IT

(THE RABBIT RUNS TO THE UPSTAGE SIDE OF THE

MIRROR)

RABBIT

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.

ALICE

Oh, my goodness.

RABBIT

(Looking thru the mirror) No, ifs not your goodness. It's my goodness. (looks at watch) Oh, my

goodness. (runs off)

ALICE

Mrs. Mumford, you are not right. Rabbits do carry watches.

(sings)

AND FOR ME THEY ALWAYS ...

so

OFFSTAGE VOICES

ALICE, YES, THERE'S. A WONDERLAND

ALICE, YES, THERE'S A WONDERLAND

(UPSTAGE BEHIND THE MIRROR A

MIRROR BALL HAS STARTED TO REFLCT COLORS AS THE OFFSTAGE VOICES SING)

ALICE

FORME

THEY ALWAYS WILL.

VOICES

ALICE.

(THE LIGHTS FADE DOWN SO ONLY

THE MIRROR IS LIGHTED AND THEN

BLACKOUT)

THE END

51

1 J. ALICE IN ~'IONDERLAND

A t•illSICAL FANTASY FOR CHILDREN

AS THE OVERTURE FADES i"/E HEAR THE VOICE OF THE 1-IHITE RABBIT ttoH, MY ( GOODNESS. I 1M LATE. I'M LATE 11

• HIS VOICE BECOMES THAT OF MRB. MUMFORD , CALLING, u AL.I CE, OH, ALICE • 11 ·AT THE SOUND OF MRS • MUMFORD 1 S VOICE THE LIGHTS F~E UP ON A LIMBO AREA CONTAINING A BED AND A MIRROR. ALICE IS ON THE BED AND SHE STARTS AT THE SOUND OF THE VOICE. I SHALL NOT - (!A,~j DISCUSS WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE, FOR I FEEL THAT FOR EA,CH OF US ALICE IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND I LEAVE l T TO THE DIRECTOR• .XO INFLICR HIS C PARTICULAR VISION OF ALICE ON THE AUDIENCE. __ _

f\R5 Yu(o~·~) A: lice_, Ale c~, ALICE Oh, I thought I heard someone calling. Frobably my governess, l{rs . Mumford. Though, I don't hear her calling any longer. Perhaps I was hearing things. Mrs. Mumford says that I often hear things. And I suppose it could be true. Except that sometimes I'm not sure that Mrs. Mumford knows that is true and what isn't. Sometimes •••••

Mrs. M. Alice (entering) Oh, Alice. There you are. ~~at are you doing in here,daar? Daydreaming, no doubt. You know , dear, you do entirely too much day dreaming. I've told you time and tlme again. Now isn't that true?

Alice Isn't what true?

!.UOs • M. Isn't it true that I've told you time and time again?

Alice Oh, yes. That 's true.

Mrs. M. I kne\t it l·ras. I know what 1s true and what isn't.

ALICE As a matter of fact, ~ws. Mumford. I wasn't daydreaming. I was just thinking about the time that I fell down that rabbit hole.

Mrs. M. \fuat rabbit hole?

Alice You know. The time that I met the rabbit that oarried the watch and we went •• ,

Mrs. I·1· There, you see. You were daydreaming.

Alice ' No 1 .. Just th1nk1ns about the rabbit •••••

Mrs. H. \Alice, \te know that rabbits don't carry watches, don't we?

Alice But, this one did.

ll.ra. H. Alice, ~lho knO\'IS what is true and what isn't?

Allee I •••

Mrs . M. Come, come. Tell me anw. Who knows what 1s true and what isn't?

Alice You do, Mrs. M •

.t-A'..rs. I-1 . or courle, I do. And \ie e.re not going to forget 1 t are we?

Allee No, but •••••

' V>t ..tS~ ~

~~~+--------------1

( D1JlSS) .{abbl ts !lave never had the habl t of telling time And 1! you know a rabbit, who thinks he has the habit. we'd better have a docbor come and doctor up lis mind.

Up is up, down is down One is sky, one is ground And a valley can never be a hill And your silly dcllusiona only lead to false conclusions Rabbits don't carry watches and they never Will.

Right is rl()ht, \·trong is wrong Short 1s short, Long is long T'na t t 8 the n way it must be from now until

. ,.....

Someone broaks tlle aonnootion, but till then, no clroumspeotlon Rabbits don't carry watches and they never will

2

cu: 2

.. Just suppose Without reason That the four yearly seasons Starting switching back and forth All the months out of order v~, the year could be shorter It s the kind of thing that makes

and all around

a sane society unsound.

Seeing gloves on your toes Seeing stockings on your nose Can't you see, dear, it's just not apropos You must learn, dear, to face it. Everything is \there you plaee 1 t Rabbits don't oarry watches

,Alice I know ot the facta I've had my fill

Mrs. I•1. You can't change them just for thrills. Rabbits don't carry watches and they nvver ever will.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

f-Irs • K. Now, come along, Alice. It's time for lunch

Alice lea, l-!rs. Mumford.

!olrJte M. And don't daudle, dear. (exits)

Alice (s1ng1no) Just suppose without reason That the four yearly seasons Started S\11 tch1ng back and forth and all around

(MUSIC STARTS TO FADE) Alice

4

·~ell, maybe rabbits don't carry watches, but I know that I saw what I sa\·r when I saw 1t.

THE WHITE RABBIT HURRIES IN FROl•l THE DARIU'lESS. HE SHOULD NOT BE DRESSED TO !~ US THINK OF REALISIT.IC RABBIT, SO SPARE YOURSELF THE EXPENSE OF A FURRY COVERALL. INDEED, IF THE SEVEN DWARVES WERE RABBITS THEN THIS RABBIT WOULD BE ONE OF THE SEVEN DWA.11VES. HE CARRIES AN OVERSIZED WATCH &~ I.S OF COURSE 1 LATE.

Rabbit Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. I 1m late. so very late. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.

~ice Oh~ oy goodness.

Rabbit No, my good woman. It is not 'your' goodness. It is 'my' goodness. (checking his watch) Oh, my goodness.

Alice ~o. - .....

Why, it's you.

Rabbit ,Well, the last time I looked it was me. Oh1 my goodness. Do you think that i•a 1s possible that I aa not still me? Maybe I should check. (he ~oes to mirroe) Well, everything looks as though it's where it should be, ao •• I guess that I am still me

Alice Don't you remember me?

5

Rabbit Remember you? \ihy I sometimes have difficulty remembering myself.

Allee I'm Allee.

Rabbit Glad to meet you Alexander.

Alice Not, Alexander, Alice . /~ice.

Rabbit Glad to meet you Alice Alice.

j\.J.1oe Just nne .

Rabbit Just one \'l'ha. t?

Allee Just one \that?

Alice.

Rabbit I know there is only one of you. I can see. I'm not blind you know. But, I ao late.

Alice oh. you're always late.

Rabbit That ls not a very nice thing to say. It's true ••• but. it's not !0.~3 to say it. Oh, my goodness. I must go.

Allee Mr. Rabbit. Are you by any chance on your way to wonderland?

Rabbit Oarmy way to where?

Alice You know. That place where I was before.

Ra-bbit How should I know where you've been be~ore. I'm not a fortune teller. I'm a rabbit. A very late rabbit.

Alice Hr. Rabbit. May I so rli th you?

Rabbit You \'lar.t to go l't1 th me?

.tU1ce Yes.

Rabbit Well, I can't ima51ne \ihy ••• bu~, if you want to come///

Alice Oh, I do.

Rabb,. t ~tell, then cooe. But, you must hurry. You see, I'm •••

Alice I kno'>'l• You're late . Don't tmrr-j ••••

(a1nos)

I'll be close on your heels Doesn't ca. ttcr \·there you go over hill. over dale, .Never fear. you'll know

Rabbit (spoken) Knm'l ';lha t?

Allee I'n close behind and there I'm sure to stay until I t 1nd the \'lay.

Rabbit The ltay to wha. t?

Alice Th.e 1·1ay to the place that I long to see again ·uo ~·;ay to ./onderland

Rabbit ~ -ll:t dear, we really must go.

(sings)

:ius tn' t stop, nus tn • t \·rai t Or you sae, I'll be late Though I'm not sura what I'm sure I've got some plans so, let's be off to Wonderland

6

Pardon us, ~~s tn 't stay Got to bo on our way He 're off to keep a date \ii th something grand We 're on our way to Wonderland

Rabbit Alice

7

Through the looking glass over magic pass

Looking through the looking glasses Trav 1 l1ng over magic passes

By encha.n ted gardens we \till go

Come along, mus tn • t, wait Or you see I•11 be late

How well I know.

Tiem.. is \tasting, cooe a.nd make my hand

Alice I 'll t~e your hand

Rabbit ·in • re on our ...,ray to Wonderland .

Allee GuRTAI N ( spokan) Oh, one thing !-lr. Rabbit . Do :-re havs to go doim that a''lful hole again?

~3.b~1t .\•..rf\.11 hole?

Alice Wellt the fall dmm the rabbit hale Jostled me terribly ~he last tiille.

Rabbit "ell, ·as a matter ot fact. I planned on taking the mirror.

Alice Taking the mirror?

Rabbit Yes. rho shortcut through the looking glass. ~~~ey-are-at-the-m~rror) &ee....-Nou y ou-J-re-no--1 onge r-.ho re-. .:Y ouJ-re-theree)

Rabbit Alice Thrcusn the looking glass Looking through the looking glasaas over magic pass Trav'ling over magic ~asses By enchanted gardens \te will go I want to go

Come along l·~S tn I t W3.1 t Or you see ~'(e 111 be la t~ Time is wanting coma and take my hand

To~ ether we re on our ~tay to \ionderland On our way to Wonderland.

Come &long Mustn't wait or rou seo We'll be late Here.. tak3 !fi1 hand

-

a~ .

THEY AP.E NOi'T Trl~OUGH T"rlE !URROR AHD 'rHE AREA THAT HAS BF.;~N PLAY'i"~ U? 1'0 THIS ?OI.NT IS SLO'I'i.LY DEoCEliDING UNTIL THE Em) A.l.1D TtU; !-URROR .AnD J\.LICE AND THE RA~BI? • .UU: iiO LO~iG-~R I:i SIGiU' . THE h11SIC BE:!IlJS TO CH...U·TGE \lW SVOLVES IIH'O A PULSATING ROCK BEAT. THE .tmiDERLAND CHARACTERS l.fAKE

...\ 3RI.lF APPEARA.iiCE AI-IID FLASHING LIGHTS (SET SUGGESTIONS ARE AT END OF SCRIPT) . ',/HEN ALICE AHD RAB3IT CATCH THERE BREATH . THEY ARE IN WONDERLAND, nr EVE.RYi'lHERE, IN NO :IHZRE • -l\:.P i:( o ~ t-"' ' .n eJ I "\ (1\ t. C l,{ (;_. J..f .Uice

l oh! \io 're here . S 11vl~s 4 - 'io ( (). ~ J ,. I, (.c.. (_ Lll;_ ~-

G

. , lc A ,~~\.,. CuE. b.c-<S I 1 J.~ s 17 - 1:., .. U1oe

·fe are hera. ---~z_

Rabbit f!y de~~. I do hope you ' re not in the habit of saying everything twice. It does "aato t1me. .\nd I don't have it to waste . Now oome along . I havo to get •.-therG I • o going. 1M , ~'e.'" ~~ \l Alice I think I'll sta.:r here and look around.

Ra.bbit Look around at uha t. Every-thing looks qui ta ordinary from ,.,hare I stand .

Alice I can meet you later.

Rabbit Ch, very ~Tell. I haven't got time for long d1s~uas1ons. Meet me later •

. U1ce Oh, but lillers sh3.ll I meet you~

Rabbit ~~y, wherever I 1o at. Oh, I am late. so.late. So vary lata. (he is gone)

.Uicc Poor !-lr. Ra.bb1 t

c::..terpillar Ho·,r do you know that he is a poor rabbit?

.A..l1ce Ohl

Cat . 9

He looks \·Tell dressed to me . He's probably a very rich rabbit .

Alice Oh, but , that ' s not what I meant •••• cat. I ' m sur e that you don ' t know what you meant .

Ali oe Oh, I know \·that I meant . But , you don ' t know \'lhat I meant .

Cat. Nons ens~ • I know what every thi ng means • One plus one is t\'IO . TWo pl us t \'10 1a tour . FlJt.:,:~ plus four i s eight . E18ht pl us ei ght i s ei ght y ei ght.

Alioe Oh1 no .

Cat. Oh, no,. l'lha t 7

Ali oe Eight plus elgnt 1s a1xteen

cat Is that what I s~1d?

Alice ~o . You sai d that eight plus eight equ~l eighty eight .

Cat . I f that is l'lhat I said, then l t must be so .

Alice But, it isn ' t so . Eight plus eight equals sixteen.

Cat . Nonsense . H0\'1 do you make a sixteen?

Ali ce With a one and a slx.

Cat . Just as I thought . (he makes a~oke 4igures in the air) A one and a six make sixteen. But an eight and an eight make eighty eight .

Alice But ••• Cat . Don't be stubborn. It's not a becoming quality.

cCL·~.. ..

· ·Alice 10

Oh, you're l !r..pos aiblo .

Cat. Ch, no . I' r!l \'ronderful . ~e.rjbody tells ma so . I'm '·ionderful . Wonderful . ionC.erful.

Alice You're concei ted .

cat. - j CUl~ $:{ 1loll3enae . I'm modest. I am a modest , unassum1ng.i~gen1us.

(s1ns2> !!!. soNo~~L ( ~ ~f Fjc ,!:',.,_ ~:D r.· T!E CATERPILLAR EXI 1'3 KISSING HIMSELF AND E.'<POUNDING HIS VIRl'U~ . PLEASE 'S) ,0\c !Wl'E T..r.u\T I DID NOT INCLUDE A DESCRIPTION 0.? THE CATERPILLAR. THIS WAS A!'i--OVERSIGHT SINCE I DO NOT INTEND TO GO BACK Al'iD CORRECT THIS OVERSIGHT, (~ "'' ) YOU I·i.L\Y LET YOUR DlAGINATIO:N RUN R.Ai-1P.ANT A.I.'ID DO WITH HIM AS YOU LIKE.

Alice I have never in m1 life met such a caterpillar. Of course , I haven 't met any caterplllars •• but, if I had, I'm sure that he would be the Ctr~;est~

THE SOUND OF ROCKBILLY VOICES COME UPON US. IT IS THE SOUND OF THE V CES OF THE !..AD !L\'i'T....:R _UID THE DORMOUSE , ,fHO NO~v AP?EAR. l'HE .-lAD HAl'l'ER IS A CO.MBil-lATION ED ~fiNN ~w ilEA RITTER ,ffii~ THE DOR.'iOU5E HIT.S US AS A C 33 B.£T:iEEN JUDY CANOVA A~'TD CHER (OF SONNY A.'ID) •

(they sing) ',fo al\'laya have our four o ' clock toa. Prvcisel: at the st~oke of three For that ' s the way you see N:l,tsr to miss youl' four o • clook tea.

irfONDERFUL SONG • Bring youl!t problems I 'l'lill solve them

1iant solutions? I '11 evolve them I'm wonderful.

I can oure the complication In most any situation I'm wonderful • ... I/m a marvelous physician Quite at home in any kitchen That's to say that I'm a doctor and a cook

I'm a whiz at mathematics You should come see m1 quadratics Why someday I think I ll even write a book.

I can clear up any mystery Whether current or in hist ' ry I'm wonderful.

11

And I'm sure you find it pleasant to be standing in my presence I'm wonderful Everyone knows there's no killer diller ~ite killer dillered as this caterpillar I ' m won won won won wonderful.

TAG I'm won won won won wonderful \'lon \'ion won won wonderful Won won won \'iOn wonderful.

Hatter and Dormouse • de always have our four o'clock tea

Proso1saly at the stroke of three For that's the way you see Never to miss your four o'clock tea.

Allee ,fua t did you say?

Dormouse .'/hat did we say?

Hatter If it's a seoret we'll give 1t away.

Dormouse Is 1t a secret?

Hatter I don't kno~. my frlend.

Dormouse Ho~ oan we tell?

Hatter Let's sing it again.

(they do)

;le al'tiays have our four o'clock tea Precisely at the stroke of three For that's tha way you see Never to mise your four o'clock tea.

Alice rour o'clock tea at three? That's silly.

Dormouse Who ea1d that?

Allee I did.

Matter Come here, little filly.

Alice Why do you have your four o'clock tea at three?

Hatter You know. I think she's talking to me. We have it a.t three so we won't be la.te tor four.

Alice That doesn't m~ke sense.

Dormouse It did before.

12

Alice • fl/ell, 'tJhy don 1 t you call 1 t three o'clock tea?

Hatter Oh, that \·tould mean starting at two. You see?

Dormouse I don't think she does. You'd better restate.

Hatter If we waited ~111 three, we'd surely be late.

Ali co For four?

Hatter No three.

Do.:"mouse That 1 e why we 'd start at t\10.

Alice But 1t 1 s so confusing.

Hatter Only to you.

(they sing)

ilo al \'la.ps have our four o 'clock tea Prooiseli at the stroke of three For that 1 a the ltta.y you sea Never to miss your four o'clock tea.

Hatter Come join us lor tea.

13

THEY OPEN UP THEIR LI TT.uE SUI TOASE A.t.'ID PULL OUT A PORTABLE TABLE AND TilO CAMP STOOLS. THEY SET UP A TEAPOT AND TwO CUPS, A KNIFE, A NAPKIN 1 AND A JAR OF JAl.f.

Alice But, I don't have a cup.

Dormouse No cup. out of luok.

D

14 • Hatter

If you don't have a. oup, ho\v \'llll you drink tea?

Dormouse out of the j)ot?

Hatter The pot? Oh. Let's see. (HE :PICKS UP THE POT AND POR.S TEA INTO THE MOUTH OF THE DO&~OUSE)

Al1oe Is that how you expeot me to drink my tea1

HATTER If that's what you want. It's alright \tith m.e.

Dormouse I'm sleepy.

Hatter I'm Mad. Glad to meet you, old ohap.

Dorm.ouse Where's the bread?

Hatter Whtrc's the bread? Oh. It's under my hat.(HE RE!tOVES HIS HAT AND TAKES OUT A LOAF OF FRENCH &~AD. HE AliD THE DORMOUSE IM;;-iEDIATELY DO A HAND OVER HAND CHOOSE UP) Oh. I win (HE HITS THE DORMOUSE OVER THE HEAD WITH THE BREAD)

alice Are we going to have some jam and bread?

Hatter Jam and bread?

Alioe J a&:l and bra ad.

Hatter Well, I suppose we could have Jam and bread. But I'd rather have bread and Jam instead.

Alice But, that's the same thing.

Dormouse I'm sleepy.

Hatter . (hitting her with t . .''le bread) Not now. Get Up. Are you hungry?

Dormouse And how.

15 . Hatten., Hold out your hand and get some jam.

Dormouse Hold out your hand and get some jam.

( THE DORMOUSE HOLDS OUT HIS HAl'lD AND THE HATTER SPREADS IT \'liTH JAM. THEY DANC~ AROUN1) SING SONGI NG ' HOLD OUT YOUR HAND AND GET SOME JAM' UNTIL ALICE S£0PS THEH .

Alice Oh, stop 1 t.

Hatter You 're right. It's throe o'clock, friend.

Dormouse Tlme for four o'clock t ea.

Alice Oh, no. Not~~a~a~1_n~~----------------~ Hatter and Dormouse 91ng

We al\·1ays have our four l'clock tea Precisely at the stroke of three Fo~ ~hat ' s the way you see Never to m1ss your four o 'clock tea.

THE KNAVE OF HEART ENTERS . HEf S A CARD • A..~D MORE NEED BE SAID .

HE Id OUR JUVENILE . WHA'r

~ \ .ct~ r 1 Knave c_ u E 1\ J, Hey . Have you seen the queen? The quean. The queen. Have you seen the queen?

Dormouse (yelling) Have Je seen the queen?

Hatter Don't scream. (to knave ) ~ihat quoen?

Knave The queen of hearts.

Hatter Oh, that queen

Knave Yes.

Hatter No. we haven't seen the queen.

Kr'~ .J·le (to Alioe) Have you ssen the queen?

Ali ce I don't even know the queen .

Knave Lucky you .

Alice You sound like you ' re in trouble.

Knave Boy, am I i n trouble .

Hat ter What i s your t roubl e?

Dormouse What is your trouble?

Knave

16

Well, the queen told me to pl ant red roses 1n her garden, but I made a mistake ~~d I planted white ones 1nstoad. Then, to cover up my mi s take I painted the white r oses red. If the queen finds out, I shall probably lose ay head.

A...'{D FRO!·i OUT 0? TE REALl-1 OF THE INFUU TE THE VOICE OF THE ':UEEN I S!EA .. tll • CUE..I2.

~----~__;,=-

"\ h.s-QUeen I have round out and you ~·till lose your!~

.. ~ jl '~ '- f;

LO AND BEHOLD . I T' S MRS . l·!UMFORD . OR I S IT? ONLY YOUR BUDGE]~ KNO~S .--=--IT MUST BE OBVIOU3 AT ONBE THAT SHE IS TH3 LEADlm OF THE PACK . SHE Z.1U3T H..t\.VZ EVERYTHING IN EXCESS. I &'l REFERING 0~ COURSE TO THE COS'l'J:4E FOR I FEEL THAT THE QUEEN 1iAY BE PLAYED BY A F~~~ (OR !~E IF YOU SO D~IRE) OF ANY STATURE . SHE IS FLANKED ON HER ENTRANCE BY TWO CARDS . THE COSTUJ.1E3 ON THE CARDS SHOULD BE FLEXIBLE AS OP?OSED TO STIFF , FOR THE CARDS ARE TO BE USED AS A DAL'{CING CHORUS IF THE PRODUCTION SO 1'1..\RRANTS • THE QUEEN CARRIES A BABY .

Knvave It ' s the queen .

Hatter I t' s the queen .

Dormouse She ' s a dream •

.Knave She ' s a kn1ghmare.

Q.ueen ott with his head!

~-------

Alice You can't cut off his head.

Queen What.

Alioe I said you can't cut ott his head.

Queen And who are you?

Alice Alice.

~ueen Well, Al1oe. I can out ott any head I lkt.

Alice Bu~ he hasn't committed a crime.

17

QUeen I deo1de what is a crime and \'lhat 1an't. And I have decided that this is.

Hatter .'lhat 1a?

Queen Q,u1et 1

Hatter (to Dormouse) Quiet.

Dormouse R1ot1

Hatter (hitting her with bread) ~ie~·

Dormouse Did I say something?

QUeen (to Alice) Here. Hold the Duchess's baby

Alice But this 1sn' t a baby

QUeen ot course, 1t is.

Alice But, it looks like a pig.

Queen ~tre you saying that the duchess's baby looks like a pigf

Alice Well, it does.

Hatter M~ybe it's a baby pig.

'---

Dormouse I! 1t•s a baby, it's awfully bi~·

Queen ~ ~lho said the duchess's baby~ a big pig?

Dormouse ~lhere-' s-the-Duehesa 'a baby? i) ,._-

Queen /"' I R1gh t therb.

Dormouse

Oh, isn't he cute.

Hatter And smart to boot.

Alice But it does look like a pig.

QUeen So? You don't like pigs?

Allee i'lell, I never really thought about 1 t.

Queen

18

Oh, never mind • . Give it back. (SHE TAKES THE BABY AND THROtlB IT TO THZ HATtER) Here. Catch. 1 Du.:..""~=-s ~ H~,,e....

Hatter G Rock a bye piggy, on the tree top. (HE AND TrlE DORMOOUSE START A -FOOTBALL GAME WITH THE BABY AS THE BALL. THE CARDS ACT AS CHEER :S id· ~ LEADERS. :rHE QUBEN IS ELATED.) Hike.

Carda Boom a lak, boom a lak, bis boom bah ~ \ ,,(. < 11 Pass that baby. ran rah -ra.n- - -Yea. team.

)

Page 18

Allee Stop throwing it around .

Queen v/ell, what do you want us to do with it?

Knave we could play ,.£!.Oquet. -----------~--

Queen . I Oh, goody . V

cqG 1q 'S):J.~ \~

THE T't/0 CARDS DO BACKBENDS TO FOffiil THE vii CKY~TS . THE QU EF.N PICKS UP A CRANE OR A FLA.J.V.INGS OR WHAT.CVER THK PROP DE:PT . COMES UP '.'ii TH AND SHE: TRIES TO HIT THE BABY THROUGH THE CARDS .

Queen Oh, it won ' t ma1e.

Hatter won't move?

Dormouse won 't move?

Queen Maybe , I should kick it.

All (except Alice and Queen) yes.

Alice No1

Queen Oh, you are a sticky wicket. (tosnes baby to a card) Never ~in~. I win.

Alica BU~ we ,d1dn't play

Queen well, I would have won.

THE WHITE RABBIT CQ?.lES RUN:-iiNG IN

Rabbit Oh. 0~. Oh. Oh. (running into Alice) 0~. Hello. Oh, yo~r highness. I have some horrible news.

Queen What ne\.,S?

Rabbit 1 Your ohorx•y tarts. They have been a to len again .

Queen Again?

Rabbit Again .

QUEEN STARTS TO TAP HER FOOT AND THE BASS AND THE DRUMS PICK UP THE RYTHMN .

Hatter Oh,oh. Uh oh. Uh . oh.

Dormouse Uh oh. uh oh. Uh. oh.

Hatter This means trouble.

QUeen This means trouble.

Hatter See. I ~as right.

Dormouse Out of sight. out of sight.

QUeen (SHE CHANTS IN RYT"ru·h"i AS Sru;; AND T"rlE CARDS PERFORl·i A SERIES OF KARTHA GRAHAl-i LIKE A.GOUY MOVEf.lEUTS IN A ROCK MOTIF)

TART that spells tart and you don't need smarts to know that they are missin • 1-IAD is what I am and I won • t be stopped from ha.v1ng my suspicions If they took my apple pie I wouldn't blink a single eye Cookie cookies. sour balls Just come around and take them all BU. t if you want to break my heart Just take away my cherry tarts. TART that spells tart and you don't need sma~ts to know that they are miasin' MAD IS What 1 am and I won't be stopped from having my susp1o1ons

Sus~icions. Suspicions

(to Knave)

You. Knave h'ho?

QUeen You will lose your head for this.

Page 20

Knave For what?

Queen For steali ng my tarts.

Knave But I didn 't steal your tarts .

Queen You painted the roses red, didn 't you?

Knave well, yes, but ••••

Queen That means you are sneaky . And it takes a sneaky person to steal my tarts. Off with h i s head .

Allee That's not fair .

Rabbit Shhhhhh .

Queen What ' s not fair?

Alice You don ' t Y~ow if he stole your tarts. ~~d even if you think that ~e did , you have to prove him guilty .

Queen Prove? How?

Allee well, you could give him a trial.

Knave yes. Yes .

Dormouse What 1 s a trial?

Hatter .-Tal t awhile.

Queen You know, it sounds like it might be fun.

Knave But, if we have a trial, I 1ll need somo.one to defend me ..

20 .Cat.erp1llar (popping in froo \·thez>over he 1s) Dld. someone ce.ll 'l

Alice Oh, It's you again. Don't tell me you're a la\iYer too?

Cat. (producing a business oard) Perry Mason Caterp1l~ar. At your serv1oe.

Knave And you'll defend me?

Cat. I'll cefend you aagnif1~n~ly.

Queen N'ell, ta.ke him at·ray to j ail :for awhile.

Knave J a.il? But \·fhJ?

Quean All prisoners havo to so to Jail for awhile.

Cat. That 's right. The.t 'a the way 1t 1 s done.

Queen You see . Take h1o a\'lay .

Hatter I think she means us .

Do!'mouae (to ~een) Do you mean us?

QUeen I :r.ean you .

Dormouse ~Jell~ don • t m:1ke a. fu sa.

Hatter (pulling Knave) Come alon0 •

Dormouse Come along.

I}.J ' { l• \;\.

I;\~~) ,., 1'/

J <t I \

HATTER AND BOfl!.10USE EXIT PULLING KNAVE AL'lD SING BONGING ttTO JAIL, TO JAIL, WITHOUT .A.NY BAIL 1

)

-...

21 • TH£ ffiJ3!C POR 1 A BALL AT THE PALACE' BEGINS TO SNEAK IN.

Q,Ueen For coming up with such an excellent suggestion, I feel that I should r~ward you..

&b~t f You could give her a ball, your h!glUless.

Cl.,'J.een I could give you a ball. Oh• I'm glad I thought of that./

Al!ce But you

Rabbit ~I Q,ueen

didn I tl

\ ~,---------------------------- --

( s TAa·rr:·JG sc:~J)

A ball at the palace. the palace. the palace A ball at the pala~e, for Alice

.Uice For m.~ ?

(

-l

(Ar ·rHZ BEGINNING OF THE SONG THE l~ODY SHOULD SEEM TO WORK AGAINST Tlt!: 3~ \.T A.:.'ii) TIG KOVZ:!EXTS OF ALL EXCEPT ALICE. ALICE SHOULD SLOWLY GET r.t-t:ro THE FEELING OF THE ROCK .MOVIDOOiT UNTIL SHE AND T'rlE LYRICS AND ·:·iRATEVER ELSE IS INVOLVED IN THIS NUl-mER ALL SUCCUMB TO THE KlfH .. ~N RAISING 1'3E SONG TO AN ORGIASTIC CONCLUSION •

Allee rmera la thera to ba a ball?

All The palace, the palace.

Alice Who 1B going to give the ball?

QUeen Naturally, the queen.

Alioe And tor whom is 1t ~0 oe?

All For Alice, tor Alice And the ball is bound to be the best you've ever seen.

, . , Alice l·iy hair l'lill be tled up with ribbons and flowers i·1J dress \-1111 be trimmed ld th the finest ot lace

Queen And I shall be wrapped 1n my mink - no, my ermine With diamonds all over the place

Rabbit I guess that I'll have to wear formal attalre \Mte t1e and black tall and top hat

Caterpillar And I shall appear in my ~~~(flY oapelet All eyes will be on me in~

All \ 11--~ """;~,.~~ + ' . --.. A good time is coming tor all For 1n honor of Alice there is at the palace to be a ball.

1

A ball. A ball. A ball. JA b~l.1

S p o~l.\, - - ...,.-A ball at the palace, the palace, the palace. A ball at the palace, for Alice

Alice For me.

All A ball at the palace, the valace, the palace. A ball at the palace there s going to be.

Allee Ball

All

Queen A ball at the palace, A ball at tho palace A ball at the palace T'.nere is to be

A ball at the palace For Alice at the palace At the palace for Alice A ball 1 a ball. Ll A ball, a ball, a ball, ~ ball.

Rabbit A ball, a ball A b a.ll, e. ball A bal~ 1 a ball A ball 1 a ball

Cat. There is to oa,there is to be, there is tc be a ball There 1s to be, therc is to be, there 1a tc be a ball

THEY CONTINUE IN A FRENZY AS THE LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK

END ACT 1

ACT ll SCENE l

SCENE 11

SCENE 111

IN QUEEN'S GARDEN BET\VEEN ALICE AND DUCHESS

COURTROO!-!

BACK IN ALICE'S HOUSE

ACT ll · We are now in the garden of the QUeen of Hearts. Or if the budget can't

s "'lie.nd even the simplest ohange or sot , then \·:e can still be wherever

the first act left us. Foo you see, that is the wonderful thing about

Wonderland; one can be wherever one want to be.

l'fE NO\'l l-iEET THE DUCHESS. SHE IS WHAT MARIE DRESSLER WOULD BE IF SHE

I'IE.RE CROSSED \'liTH JANIS JO?LIN. HER APPEARANCE SHOULD SUGGEST THAT

SHE 8PE..~·:r THE FORMATIVE YEARS OF HER LIFE SLEEPING IN A VICE. SHE IS

SQUAT l SHE IS COLORFUL! HER D~S COULD VERY I'IELL HAVE BEEN !-1ADE AT LANE

BRYANT BY A DESIGNER WHO HAD A PASSION FOR WOOLitORTH YARD GOODS.

A8 THE LIGHTS CO~~ UP SHE IS SITriNG ROCKING HER BABY AS THE CARDS SING •

• Ga.:'da Vw~ Roak a bye baby 1n ~~e tree top

·Wh~ theWlnd blows the aradle will rook

rock rock rock rook

When tha bough breaks the cradle "Till tall \

Duchess \

(spoken) ~e cradle ld.ll fall? What is this? What is this?

~to baby) Come little baby. Give mumasie s kiss kiss.

(She kisses the baby) EEyukl

(sings)

the cook 's in the kitchen, she's making a big pot of soup I

The maJor ingredients are raincoats, umbrellas, and boots

~1e taste isn't great but the next time it's raining inside

You won't have to worry your digestive tract will be dry.

Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle will soon

~e playing a tune so the cow can Jump over the moon

The 11 t tle dog's laughing he thinks that they're having great fun

~a dish aet the sppon and they're soon goona be on the run.

~

25

. Simple simon met a pieman going to the fair

Said the pieman, 1Simon, what you gonna do there?'

Simon says he's gonna eat an apple on a stick

And he did . L

Little Miss Muffett was eating her curd and her whey

When 1n came a spider beside her and soared her away

Come mister sandman and sprinkle my dear baby's ayes

The Duchess is tired ot singing her lullaby~ ~

' -\ 1 ~ ,..- cu.::. 22 Atl

::.. \ ~ '-I -

~ Tlie cook's in the 4 tchen, she's making a big pot ot soup, ~haeee d:eop; ~

&hoobedoop;-seheob&doop-)

The major ingredients are raincoats, umbrellas, and boots, ~hoobe<loop,

shoobednop, shoo'bedeop )

Duchess

Come mister sandman and sprinkle my dear baby 1 s eyes

tQe Duchess is tired of singing lullaby

f::· floc~ a bya ~Y

kock~ck rock. '-- ... -\" Duchess

ke•s sleeping. Put him to be4.

ards /

R1gh t away. Right away.

Duchess

Shhbhhh. Not so loud. (she is, of course, bellowing)

~~8 Not so loud. Not so loud. (they exit with the baby)

ALICE HAS ENTERED DURING THE SONG AND SHE NOW SHOWS HERSELF TO mHE

DUCHESS.

' Alice

What a strange lullaby that was •'-1--------­

Duohess

26

Well 1t wasn't strange when 1t came out ot my mouth. If 1t was

strange when 1t went into your ears, well, that's your problem. Not

mine.

Alice

But, what I heard 1s what you sang.

Duchess

Then it couldn't have been strange. Unless you have some pretty

strange ideas about what is strange and what isn't. Now I think it's

pretty strange that you're standing there calling me strange. Strange

thing is, I don't even know who are you. Who are you.

BEFORE SHE HAS A CHANCE TO ANSWER THE KNAVE COMES RUNNING ON

Knave

Oh. Oh. Alice. Alice. I've round you.

Duchess

Oh, so your name 1s Alice Alice

Alice

No, it's Allee. Just one. Why does everyone here insist on making me two

when I 1m only one?

Duchess

What is she talking about? {to aud) My she is strange.

Knave

I got away before they put me 1n jail, but I think they're close behind

me. You've got to help me.

Duchess

WAo 1& close behind you? I don't see anyone behind you.

Alice

Don't worry. We'll prove that you are innocent at the trial.

Knave 27

','fall, I'm glad that you' !'e on my side.

Allee

I'm not so sura that I trust the qusen

Duchess .

Hot trust the quoon'l The queen oe.y be unt.rust\>/ot·thy, bu.t that ls

no reason not to trust her. Lu '-l ,.. V)

Al1ave

I feel f.l:·lendless •

.Allee

You've got friends .

Duohass

l'f.no?

.Al1oe

Bh.h.:ili. (to k1·1a:ve) :r:aere 's me. _md some there out in the darkness of the

nlght I'm sure you ' ve got lots of friends you don't even know. (she

h~s indicated tho audience . )

Duchess

D!:'..I'kness of ;.;hat n1~t·? It •n the iiliddJ..o of the day. Oh, 10u are strange.

Knave

(llok1n0 into aud) Friends. out F~re.! (he sings)

How ca..~ I be sure

I don' li see e. thins

I reel friendless and the endless darkness makes me want to fold my wing~

(Allee \< S:,Joken) J. fr1endlly wind 1a there. ~ I !L'lava

AT THIS POINT IN TF..Z ?nOC.<:=<:DINGS THE SrtOii CO.:.i-:;;.5 TO A HALT wrliLE ALICE

AND THE KNAVE GET THE KIDS TO MAKE A VARIETY OF FRIENDLY SOUNDS.;

( F~ EX., THE

28 ,fiND, THE BIRDS, THE CRICKETS, THE RAIN, I 1 i•l SURE

THA 'T EACH OF y US HAS OUR OlfN FRIENDLY SOUND THAT WE CAN ADD TO THIS

BA;>'IC LIST .

1nttoheas

~8 t is so1ng on here?

Knave lf~ ') I was feeling lonely but if only I had thought I trould have known

I've got a friend, got a friend, got a friend, ~ot a friend

\ihat a happ) .feelin when you're reelin in a circle that you know

Is filled with friends, filled with friends, filled with friends,

filled with friends . ~

fapoken) Ve"l'J s ~e-..

- Everybody come clap your hands

It'll help you understand

How it feels to have a hand held out to mine .

I was feeling lonely but if only I had thought I would have kno·Nn

I've got a friend, got a friend, got a friend, got a friend .

\iha t a happy fee lin when you 1 re reel in in a circle that you knO'Ii

Is filled with friends, filled with friends , filled with friends,

filled with friends.

_ili,-

Everybody come clap your h~~da

It'll help you understand

How it ~eels to have ~ h~~d held out to m&ne. r '-

mE CA..~3 A .. ~ JOt/ 0}i A!ID TI-3:B IS A DANCE 3ASED m; AN::: .SOCIAL SIG-NS

HUGG'Il'!G. .)t-; e.E-

J.

29

. ---------------!. ~'fas'faeling lo~-~~~ I had thought I would have ho~m

I ' vo so~.artv.:J got ..3. friend , .;at a. frie:ld :J oo~s .... ::oie!ld·

I~ ~1 friends .

HAT·rE.R

Ther e he is . e.. ( --Dormouse

\fuer e he i s? l HE-tter

get him . Get him .

(The kr-ave starts to run)

Hetter

Catch him.

Dormouse

catch, Catch.

Duchess

Gh, We ' re gob!3 to play-t3g-;- F'Uri. FUn . FUn .-

Oh, no . \'lai t . \'fait .

c

(

TH..J;RE IS ~\ !L\:) CH:WS .llJU:iD rH:i:: STJ:GZ DURING .f:HC:i TH!!.;a3 5.:-iOULD BE :·IUCH

CONFUSIO!:T . PLA?ll-I.ED co:uUSIOli, TH.AT IS. EVZRYO:IZ ~.-i.AT I3 O~STAGE BECOMES

I UVOL'P....D . Ilr THE S:!:l' A.L.LO:rlS T:!E.t1E S~-iOuLD BE 50)1::!: HIDZ .-t:ID SZZKI!1G • .\J.'ID

SOY..E SINGING -~-ND SLIDD!G .

QUeen

(Entering with Caterpillar and Rab~it) Quiet . Q~i~t . Stop . Stop.

sverybod.y . (ever;rcne co:::es to a standstill) ~ow, off :-,i.th hls C\.1,

head .

Alice

.. ..

Q__c..:C-~ 30

Oh, tlla1i 1s right. I nearly forgot the part. Tri al time· ~-/ _ ____ S~l•_J"'"'c~_3_i_

TH~ IS A G.&'l.Li:RAL SCURRY AS THEY Sl!:T UP FOR THE TRIAL.

Duchess

I 've never been to a trial before . I hope I like it.

Caterpillar Your honor ••••••

Rabbit (to queen) xhat ' a you

QUeen

How nice. Say it agaln .

Ga teli'.

Your honor, this 1s clearly a case of misunderstanding.

Q,U.een

This ls clearly a CdSe of robbery. Off with hls head .

Knave No.

Ca":.er. Yes.

iU1ce What are you saying?

cc-.ter. Sorry . I got carried awa7. The question ls •••• ls he guilty, or not guilty .

Duchess

See~s like a very fair question.

Queen r

He • s gull ty.

H.:!.tter ! object.

Dormouse You object to ri:"l!?. t?

H!itter

1:fhy , r don 1 t know. It Just seemed l1.Ke t.ne i:ihing r.o aa.y j

.. 31

(to queen) You can't decide if he is guilty or not. T.h3t is the

decision of the jury.

QUeen

1'/hat jury?

Alice ,fell, all of us can be the jury.

Quean All of us?

Alice itell , all of us except you.

Queen Bxcept me? fhy not me?

Alice Well, you are pre judiced.

QUeen I am not. (aside to rabbit) .fnat does that mean?

Rabbit It means that you won't be fair.

Queen lhat? Stuff and nonsense. I am a11tays fair. ·,·/atch. I'll show you.(ahe

gets up and addressee her chair•) Queen, are you fair? (sitting down}

You ara the fairest person I know. (to Alice) Thore. You sec.

Alice

No. We must make the decision. Not you.

Queen Well, if you must. You must. But be quick about it.

Jury

(sings)

~uestions. ~ueations. Time to ask a few questions.

Questions, Questions. Time to ask a. te'1 questions.

Queen

QUickly, Quickly. Get it over with quickly.

JUP]

••

-q LJ ''" 'f 5n...::.. IS .a...5k.lvt;- ~av- 4..---' ~Vt<!..,k )..nd \·ro :nus tn' t ma.ks her wa.1 t too long

fr~t the d~er of a quick decision

Is you never know just what is right and \'that is wrong .

Questions. Questions. Time to ask a fe\'f questions

C3.ter .

(spoken to knave.) \fuat is your name .

Knave ...... -X·

~

111 ns:ne iS knave·"' Knave of Hearts

Duchess

~·/ell , he got tha.t one right.

Jury

QUestions, Questions . Time to ask some more questions.

Cater.

Is it true that you painted the roses red?

Knave

Well , yea, autj •••

32

And did you paint them ~ad because you had pl3.nted ~hite o~ea instead.

Kns.ve

Look, ~ihosa side are you on?

Queen

A.nBi'ler, the question.

Knave

Well, yes, but •••••

Duchess

Do I hear my baby crying?

All

No!

tJUGil:S83

" ... .. p ~ c 1-/2.5 5" .. I didn I t think so.

Queen

Next question.

Jury

##33

Questions. Questions. Time to ask some more questions.

Cater. Did you steal the Queen's cherry tarts?

Knave

No.

Queen Yes.

Knave No.

QUeen Yes.

Knave No .

Queen

Oh, off with his head.

Alice

Not yet.

QUeen

Well, make up your mind.

Rabbit

Do you rest your case?

Cater. ·

Well, not really •••••

Rabbit

The defense rests.

Knave

Some defense

QUeen well, what is your decision?

34

--Jury

Ana wers. Ana wers • Time to g1 ve a felt ana wers.

THEX HUDDLE TOGETHER AND \tE HEAR THE BEES BUZZING AND SMELL mE

WOOD BURNING. THEY COME OUT OF THEIR HUDDLE AND TAKE FORMAL

POSTIONS. ?Q.~ ~ Q I 11::. ( J,}e.C.I ") c,

RABBIT Your majesty, we have dec1ded ••• we have decided. Oh, my goodness. I forgo·

what we decided.

Hatter

~e have deo1ded that he is guilty.

Al1oe

No. that's wrong.

Q,Ueen

Th~t's right. Off with his head.

Knave and Alioe

uo. I

l THERE IS NOil A MAD CURRY DURING WHICH ALICE IS RETURNED TO HER

.. '1 c ' I ~ /'t

""'\ . ' j

t.:. I ---GARD&~ AND wONDERLAND DISAPPEARS. ALL OF THE VOICES OF rTONDERLAND <=) \ 1 k MELD INTO THE SINGLE VOICE OF MRS. l.Wl>!FORD CALLING OUT, 11 ALICE,

ALICE. HURRY UP ,ALICE'1 •

Alice

What happenned? How did I get here again?

Mrs. l-!. (offstage) Alice. Alice.

Alice

,,_ -• l ... . C.'-11:-. - -

CU'C: \ L\ B. (J

CuE tS DRop,

ceo=.. 2

Is that Mrs • ..tumt'ord calling? Or is it the Red Queen? Oh, maybe there

ian' t a red queen at all. 1-1aybe ?-lrs. ].~umtord was right.

(she sings)

Up iB up do•:m is down

One is sky, one 1a ground c That 1 s the way it must be froo now until

•

I must learn now to taoe it

Everything is \·there 3'0U place it ••••

THE RABBIT RUNS ACROSS ••• ONCE AGAIN HEADED FOR WONDERLAND

Rabbit

Oh, my goodness. Oh my goodness ••••

A11oe

oh. my goodness.

Rabbit

35

No sweetheart, it's not your goodness. It's my goodness. Oh, my

goodness. (runs off)

Allee

l-ira. z.tumtord 10u are not right. Rabbits do aarry wa.tohea.

THE RABBIT IS NQ;.~ RU~INING A.l.IONGST TrlE SILLOUHETTES OF THE WOND~llill

CHARACTE..q5

Rabbit

How else would I tell time. Honey?

Jf~j 1K~~\),+~ de ca.r;1.-_ ~···-h:J_e_ S And tor me they alwaya 1Vill •

THE VOICES OF WONDERLAND NOW RISE IN HARMONIC SPLENDOR AS THE CURTAIN

FALLS. (SLt v...~ )

AIJ ', A{IGe. THE END ••••• ••••• ••• or 1e it juat the beg1n&ing

'i e S I "l'~~C: 1

5 CA.. lA) C \ .. J ~ ~ 16-. '- c.,f

(_