Yao Feng - When the Fish Close Their Eyes

當魚閉上眼睛姚風詩集

when the fishclose their eyes

poems of Yao Feng

when the fish close their eyes《當魚閉上眼睛》 ISBN 978-99937-895-2-9

Copyright Yao Feng © May 2007 Copyright remains with the author and the translators of these works.The author and the translators assert their moral rights.No part of this work may be reproduced in any form without the permission of the author and the translators.

Series Editor - Kit [email protected]

Cover design by Wong KuokPage Design by Tam Hio Man and Jenny Oliveros Lao

Published by ASMAssociation of Stories in MacaoGeneral Post OfficePO Box 1507Macao

內容 Contents

喜歡一頭畜牲 to like a beast 8-9葬花詞 flower burial 10-11讀史偶感 history review 12-13紀念 in remembrance 14-15午門 Meridian Gate 16-17壞人 bad’ns 18-19景山 Jing Shan 20-21情人 lover 22-23肖像 portrait 24-25時間已經用舊time has already worn out 26-27遺物 deceased estate 28-29黃昏的收藏者 collector of dusk 30-31默哀 mourning 32-33白鴉white crow 34-35沉默 silence 36-37

征服者 conquerors 38-39六指the sixth finger 40-41中國地圖 map of China 42-43三月 March 44-45車過中原the train through the Central Plains 46-47撫摸 caress 48-49牧羊人 a shepherd 50-51夢境 in the dream 52-53暗 dimness 54-55與馬里奧神父在樹下小坐 under a tree, si�ing with Father Mario 56-57原地 same old place 58-59瓦礫 debris 60-61大海真的不需要這些東西 the sea doesn’t need these things 62-63落日 sunset 64-65秋風 autumn wind 66-67是否可以忘記 forgo�en or not 68-70

卡洛斯 Carlos 72-73洛佩斯的葬禮Lopez’ funeral 74-75沙粒 sand grains 76-77重逢 reunion 78-79玻璃 glass 80-81奔跑 running 82-83一聲鳥鳴 bird cry 84-85狗日的糧食 god damned grain 86-87旅途 journey 88-891968年的奔跑 running in 1968 90-91想起父親thinking of father 92-93聖像巡遊 procession 94-95身上的雪 cloak of snow 96-97那血是我的 the blood is mine 98-99詩人的午餐the poet’s lunch 100-101檸檬 lemon 102-103

蒼老 long in the tooth 104-105心病heart disease 106-107進香 offering incense 108-109南京Nanjing 110-111植物人vegetative man 112-113狼來了the wolf’s coming 114-115福爾馬林中的孩子the child in formalin 116-117《在聖瑪麗亞醫院》at St Mary’s Hopital 118-119

8

喜歡一頭畜牲

在阿連特茹看見這匹馬，高貴，強健白色的鬃毛，像它的本性那麼純淨它靜靜吃著青草不時抬起蹄子，或用尾巴驅趕馬蠅簡單，純粹，完美的造物明亮的眼睛裏沒有摻雜一絲雜質除了吃草和奔跑它並不思索如何過得更好我心生柔情，輕輕撫摸它的皮毛在我孤獨的內心，在這易變的塵世喜歡一頭畜牲比喜歡一個人更加容易

9

to like a beast

in Alentejo I saw this horse – elegant, strongwhite of hair, pure by naturegrazing quietly on green grasshooves up from time to time or chasing off horseflies with its tail

simple, absolute, perfect creationbright eyes show no sign of impurityaside from grazing and galloping it never concerns itself with a be�er life

tenderness grew in my heart my loneliness touching this

in a world of changesit is easier to like a beast than it is to like a human

– translated by Jenny Lao and Christopher Kelen

10

葬花詞

爲了埋葬，那些必須埋葬的我在花園裏挖坑却發現，坑的形狀就是一朵盛開的鮮花

11

flower burial

to bury those needing to be buriedI dig a hole in the gardenthen I realise the shape of the holeis a flower in full bloom


12

讀史偶感

夜讀史書，至唐安史之亂大將張巡困守睢城城中無食於是殺掉愛妾分給兵士果腹眾人不忍而張巡高呼"諸公為國戮力守城一心無二巡不能自割肌膚以啖將士豈可惜此婦人！"

讀至此處，我不禁掩卷認真打量著身邊已進入夢鄉的女友

13

history review

reading history at night, concerning the Tang’s An Shi rebellionand General Zhang Xun’s defence of Suicheng

as there was no food in the cityhe killed his beloved concubineto ease his fellow soldiers’ stomachs

they couldn’t bear this ideabut Zhang Xun roared out‘Gentlemen who have defended the city single-mindedlyXun cannot feed you his own fleshbut how could I cherish this ladyif you were all to starve?’

a�er reading thisI close my booktenderly meditating onmy girlfriend who is dreaming beside me


14

紀念

我把一束花插進瓶子，說：你是必須開放的花兒低下頭，淡淡地回答：我用一朵枯花把你消滅

15

in remembrance

I put a bunch of flowers into a vase and said‘you have to blossom’the flowers lowered their heads, calmly replied‘one withered bloom, you’re gone’


16

午門

從來不喜歡星巴克咖啡但如此年代，故宮博物院的選擇就是我的選擇和一杯粗大的美式咖啡一起坐在午門前的星巴克坐在歷史的門口坐在黃昏中看太陽這顆巨大的頭顱如何以慢鏡頭的速度滾落在地在石板地上塗抹一層血色在午門，在砍下無數頭顱的地方我想平靜地喝一杯咖啡端起來呷了一口，才知忘了放糖

17

Meridian Gate

I never liked Starbuck’s coffeebut in this era, the choice of the Palace Museum is my choice

with a large mug of American coffeesi�ing at XingBaku Kafei in front of the Meridian Gatesi�ing at history’s door si�ing in the widening dusk watching the sun’s enormous head rolling down in slow motion painting the paving blood red

at the Meridian Gate where an infinite number of heads were lopped I want to enjoy a cup of coffee in tranquilitywhen I take a sip, I notice I’ve forgo�en the sugar


18

壞人

我懷疑一些人是壞人但依舊把他們當成好人就像法律在審判之前所有的犯罪嫌疑人都推定為無罪而壞人是那些戴著鴨舌帽叼著煙捲的人他們在我童年的銀幕上作惡多端如今，我已長大成人已經割掉青春的尾巴和天真的盲腸因此我受到更多的傷害但在我的周圍始終沒有發現戴鴨舌帽的人

19

bad’ns

I have a feeling some people are naturally bad but I treat them as if they were goodlike law before the judgement’s given

all suspects were once deemed guilty and the bad guys – they’re the ones with the capsand the roll-ups held in their teeth

on the screen of childhood they do all kinds of evil

my young tail’s been cut off likewise my appendix

yes I’ve suffered but I look around and I still can’t see anyone wearing one of those caps

– translated by Agnes Vong and Christopher Kelen

20

景山

夕陽向西山滑去暮色使宮殿漸漸遠離遊人紛紛下山丁香在山坡獨自開放暗香浮動引我憑欄眺望日出日落，千篇一律如朝代更迭無非揭竿而起無非腐敗墮落無非再揭竿而起我興味索然更想知道巍峨宮殿，三千粉黛美麗的人民如何度過她們絕經前後的人生

21

Jing Shan

sun sliding towards the west mountainsevening shadows fold palaces in tourists leave the hill one by one cloves alone blossom on the mountain slopetheir fragrance everywhere holds me by the fence to see sunrise sunset, by the same pa�ern dynasties alternaterevolution corruption revolution again I lost interest I wanted to know the towering palaces, the three thousand beauties these gorgeous citizens how did they survive the change of life?


22

情人在骨灰盒裏我的每一粒骨灰還保存著爐膛的餘熱鮮花簇擁，對人世我戀戀不捨我聽見哀樂沉重徐緩親人節制但悲痛地抽泣來賓在鞠躬時骨骼和衣服發出細微的聲響大公無私，光明磊落，低音的悼詞刪除了我一生中的瑕疵在悼詞的停頓之間，我更聽見了站在最後一排右數第三個女人的低哭突然間，骨灰盒閃出火光那是我化悲痛為力量每一粒骨灰又燃燒了一回

23

lover

inside the urnmy ash still warmbunches of flowers reluctant to part listening to serious slow sad musicthe family sobbing too loudguests bowed bones, clothes rustledhow selfless, open, above-boardthe memorial speech low-pitchedall the flaws removed from my lifein a break I heard this woman weepingthird from the right, last rowthen the urn burst into flamethat was my power kindled from griefthat was my ashburnt again


24

肖像

走出盧浮宮，我更熱愛藝術在塞納河邊，花三十法郎，請一位街頭畫家為我畫一幅肖像，惟妙惟肖背景一片空白，我想那是法國的天空又走進一家店鋪，猶豫著是否花四十五法郎買一個羅珂珂風格的鏡框禿頂的店員說，沒有更便宜的了

25

portrait

coming out of the LouvreI love art more on the Rhine I give a street artist thirty francs to do my portrait something exact background blank – must be the French sky in the shop I wonder is it worth forty five francsfor a rococo frame the bald shopkeeper tells me there isn’t any cheaper


26

時間已經用舊

這麼多值得去愛的人但我只有一個一生只有一個身體而我已是一列破舊的火車正向廢鐵堆積的地方駛去一生多麼短暫,匆忙,盲目動物般的生存細節總是把我糾纏總是用黑夜去重複白天甚至在間隙的陽光中也沒有用整個心臟去愛一個人時間已經用舊許多可愛的生命已拋在身後萬家燈火，像片片老人斑在我的額頭閃耀

27

time has already worn out

so many people worthy to be lovedbut I am only one – with one lifeonly one bodyand I am already a collection of old trainsmoving towards piles of rusty ironlife is so short, swi�, blindalways entangled in animal detailsthe detail of lifealways using night to repeat dayeven in the broken sunlightI haven’t used my whole heart to love someonetime has already worn outmany lives have been le� lights from all those many families, like age spotson my foreheadtwinkling


28

遺物

病床破舊，桌子上塑膠花沒有凋零，已落滿灰塵健康的家屬們，用一道哭泣的牆圍著親人窗外，木棉花正在怒放映在窗子上，像是咳出的一口口血

我們開始整理遺物：記事本、手提電話鏡子、梳子、外套、皮鞋、滋補藥品其中那塊精工牌手錶，滴答滴答仍舊跑個不停

29

deceased estate

the sick bed worn out, on the table dust covers plastic flowers, won’t withera wall of the tearful protects the family outside the window, co�ontree flowers bloom – a mouthful of blood on the glass

arranging so modest an estate: diary, mobile phonemirror, comb, jacket, shoes, medicineamong all these things a Seiko watch goes tick tock


30

黃昏的收藏者

我讚美晨曦，我在驕陽下流汗我看見太多的死亡在送葬的樂曲中，我習慣了儀式和節哀眼睛流出來的不再是悲傷，而是一粒粒石頭

此時，河流反光，群山將隱黃昏的收藏者，提煉著最後的黃金我要去天堂天堂在那看不見的地方在這夜色中，在這燈紅酒綠的一隅是誰在揮霍我的餘生

31

collector of dusk

I praise the first ray of dayI sweat under the sunI have seen too many deathsin the mourning music I am used to ritual and restraining my griefpouring out from my eyesno longer sadness but something of stone

at this moment, rivers reflecting lights, mountains hiddenthe collector of dusk is extracting the last goldI have to go to heaven – a place that cannot be seenthis night, at this corner of red lights and green winewho is it wasting these last of my days?


32

默哀

我又一次默哀，又一次垂下屬于自己的頭顱，是悲痛，但不是力量，這是在遺像前唯一可以做的事情

我看見一雙落滿灰塵的鞋子我看見幾滴眼淚很快被泥土吸幹我看見我的影子像那死去的人躺在我的面前

太陽已經站在我的身後我看見陰影的位置更加牢固

33

mourning

done in silence over and over

I lower the headbelonging to me

this is sorrow not strength but before the deadthis is all there’s to do

I see a pair of dusty shoestears the soil takes quickly I see my shadow which is like the dead

it’s lying before me the sun stands behind

I see that my shadowis firm

– translated by Amy Wong and Christopher Kelen

34

白鴉

看看那些詩行多像一條條電線上面站著絕緣的烏鴉為了重新命名我把烏鴉養在籠子裏每天只餵雪白的大米我想一直餵下去子子孫孫餵下去總有一天烏鴉會變成白鴉

35

white crow

look at those poems they’re like electric wireswith insulated crows standing on themin order to rename them I keep crows in a cageI just feed them with white rice every dayI want to continue to feed them my descendants will feed them too one day the black crows will be white


36

沉默我們終于把沉默放在我們中間就像擺下一張巨大的桌子上面什麽也沒有宴會早已結束我們再不會面對面坐下

黑夜的靜寂中只有鳥兒偶爾鳴叫一聲它們也喜歡說夢話而我們今夜無夢風吹動你的頭髮像一聲聲嚎叫

37

silence

we have finally put silencebetween uslike a gigantic tablewith nothing on itthe banquet has long endedin the silence of nightthere’s only the birds’ occasional crythey too like to talk in their sleepbut we have a dreamless nightwind blows through your long hairit’s like howling


38

征服者

攀登珠穆朗瑪峰的人半路死了好幾個幸存的，登上了峰頂他們面對鏡頭，揮舞著旗幟讓全世界都看到他們征服了世界第一峰只有被鏡頭省略的夏爾巴人默默地站在角落裏他們是脚夫，算不上征服者只要付給兩千美金他們可以幫助任何征服者征服珠穆朗瑪峰

39

conquerors

those who climbed the Himalayas – a few died half waythe survivors reached the peakthey faced the camera, waved their flagtelling the worldthey have conquered the world’s highest peakonly the Sherpas, not captured by the camerastood silently in a cornerthey are porters, not conquerorswith a mere two thousand dollarsthey can help anyone to conquerthe Himalayas


40

六指

嚴格而言，趙四算不上殘疾人他的右手無非長出一根六指它萎縮，畸形，好似沒有生命這是他身體多餘的物質也是最無用的部分

每次與趙四握手，我都有這種感覺但趙四說，六指和他血肉相連也會流血，也會疼痛

41

the sixth finger

strictly speaking, Zhao is not handicappedhe just has an extra finger on his right handwithered, deformed – a superfluous part of his bodythe most useless part

I have this feeling every time I shake his handbut Zhao said, this sixth finger is also his flesh and bloodit too will bleed, it too will hurt


42

中國地圖我要感謝那個繪製地圖的人你用玫瑰的色彩描出祖國遼闊的疆域用綠色標出高山峻嶺用藍色標出河流大海

你在九百六十萬平方公里的土地上種下了玫瑰黃河洗淨泥沙，長江奔流如碧海天一色，沒有污染滿目青山，伐木者早已遠去

彩色的地圖，玫瑰園般絢麗遮蓋住昏黃的牆壁我仿佛看見，可愛的人民在水之湄，在花園間勞作，繁衍，生息他們用透明的汗水澆灌玫瑰他們用一生的時間彼此相愛

43

map of China

I have to thank the one who created the mapyou used rosy colorsto sketch out our motherland’s broad frontiersmarked the mountains in greenand the waters in blue

you planted roses on thenine million six hundred thousand square kilometers of landHuang He washed the sands cleanChang Jiang flowed like jadesky and sea one, unpollutedall we see are green mountains I wish the woodcu�ers away

colourful map, gracious as a rose gardencovers the yellowing wallin it I seem to see, lovely peopleby the waters, in the gardenworking, resting, generation a�er generationtheir perspiration waters the roseseach gives a lifetime to love one another


44

三月

又是春天我又脫下了冬衣我又推開封鎖的窗子身體內春雷轟鳴田野中小花綻開每年的春天都在重複中褪去花顏但我依舊不知道許多小花的名字就像從我眼前飄過的少女我不知道她們的名字

45

March

it’s spring again again I take off my winter coat again unlock, push open the windowspring thunder rumbles in my bodyflowers in the fields blossom

every spring time the loss of beauty is repeatedI still don’t know the flowers’ names and the girls have dri�ed out of sightthey too lacking names


46

車過中原

火車在穿越大地成熟的玉米收容了陽光

歲月漫漫它們作為種子無數次地躺下又作為糧食無數次地爬起來它們像我一樣微笑著滿嘴的黃牙沒有一顆是金的

47

the train through the Central Plains

the train passing through the landthe sweet corn taking in the sunshine

years passthe corn lays down many timesstands up to feed us climbs many timesthese kernels like me smiling all yellow teeth not a single one is golden


48

撫摸

為了更溫柔地撫摸我拔掉了所有的指甲反正它們也是閑著

你說，把骨頭也剔了就是世界上最大的蛆了

49

caress

in order to caress you more tenderly I removed all my fingernails they were idle anywayyou said to take out the bonesmy fingers would be maggots then


50

牧羊人

我，一個糟糕的牧羊人始終無法把羊和雲分開直到有一天狼來了

現在我知道，雲就是雲羊呢就是那些骨頭

51

a shepherd

I was a bad shepherdstill couldn’t tellsheep from cloudsuntil one day a wolf came

now I knowclouds are cloudsand sheepthey are those bones


52

夢境

我抓住你的手也就抓住了一個扶手時光漫漫沒有動脈的手指漸漸生銹只有指甲向上生長又被剪掉這些堅硬而無用的悲傷我緊緊抓住你向高處走去就像一隻風箏在一根線的後面擺動才能屬於天空

53

in the dream

I hold your hand which is a handrail time slowly passesfingers rust without veinsonly the nails grow upthey’re cut again all these hard but useless sorrows

I’m holding you tight jerk up like a kite swinging at the back of the stringonly in this way we belong to the sky


54

暗當魚閉上眼睛，大海一片黑暗一條條河流也被漂成黑色的綳帶

那心中的愛，就像仰望的盲人在黑暗中才能看見你的容顔

時光發明了短暫用來蹂躪美好的事物

你也閉上眼睛用所有的鹽，等待兩行眼泪而礁石，在黑色的鋼琴上彈碎了一朵朵浪花

55

dimness

when the fish close their eyesstreams of rivers dyed, now black ribbons

the love in my heartlike a blind manlooking up in the darkto see your face

time is inventedto torture good things

you close your eyes using up all the salt to wait for two lines of tears

on the piano white keyscrash like waves on the rocks


56

與馬里奧神父在樹下小坐

馬里奧神父陪我走出聖安東尼教堂留下耶穌仍在祭臺上受難我們坐在樹下，風在吹，葉子有了方向神父滔滔不絕，滿臉神聖的表情之上人間的紅色粉刺含苞欲放手指像哥特式的塔尖，指向雲端自鳴鐘在那裏敲響了虛無信仰與上帝，罪惡與拯救在苦難與罪惡的學校中我曾背誦這些辭彙，學習批鬥肉體在抵達的路上俯首，祈禱，仰望如今，死去的人已經死去沒有死去的，向我描述地獄而天堂，是我已被切除的器官沒有的時候，才感到它的存在這存在隱隱作痛馬里奧神父不知道的疼痛

57

under a tree, si�ing with Father Mario

Father Mario walked me out of the St. Antonio Churchleaving Jesus suffering on the altarwe sat under a tree, wind was blowingleaves gusted one wayFather spoke non-stop with his sacred expression the acne of humans like blossoming budsthe finger a Gothic spire pointing at cloudssince the bell knocked at nothingnessI recited those wordslearning against the bodyon my way I bow and pray look up and seethe dead have passed away those not yet dead describe hell to me heaven is an organ I’ve removedgone, I can feel its existence this is a pain not known by Father Mario


58

原地

煙霧掠過，在我心中飄散窗前的景物向後奔去遠處的高壓線，綿延不斷金色的稻田，農民彎下黑色的腰看不見他們的面孔還沒等他們直起身來飛奔的火車，已把他們拋在我看不見的原地

59

same old place

a mist came floating in my heart everything outside window rushed back faroff pylon wires stretched and stretched more peasants’ bent backs dark in gold fields of riceI couldn’t see their faces till they raised up their heads – the galloping train had thrown them where I couldn’t see


60

瓦礫塔樓上，自鳴鐘又一次敲響又有什麼東西像瓦礫一樣在我的身體內，被震落，被粉碎塵埃，碎片，廢墟我的生活忙碌無比

我說的是身體而內心，像遇難多年的礦工好久沒有被說起了

61

debris

the tower clock chimes again

what is it like debrisbeing crushed in my body?dust, gravel, ruins

life’s busy it’s my body I’m talking about

but my heart’s like the minermany years lost a long time sincelast mention


62

大海真的不需要這些東西

在德里加海灘，大海不停地翻滾像在拒絕，像要把什麼還給我們我們看見光滑的沙灘上丟棄的酒瓶子、針筒、衛生紙、避孕套

我們嘿嘿一笑，我們的快樂和悲傷越來越依賴身體，越來越需要排泄光滑的沙灘上，有我們丟棄的酒瓶子、針筒、衛生紙、避孕套

但大海真的不需要這些東西甚至不需要如此高級的人類

63

the sea doesn’t need these things

at the Derita beachwavesroaring in the seasay noas if they wished to give something back

we can see empties, syringes, tissues and condomson this fine sand

we smilehappy and sadby slow steps in the bodywe need to get things out of our system

on this beach of fine sandthere arebo�les, syringes, tissues, condoms

but the sea doesn’t need these thingsdoesn’t even needpeople looking


64

落日

你說，你的生活很完美就是內心感到空虛

最後，我們把這個矛盾上升到靈與肉，甚至全人類－－每當我們借用身體，來解决內心的問題就會遭遇巨大的失敗

世界越談越暗，我們還沒有找到替身繽紛的晚霞，是落日發佈的時裝遮蓋的，是我們的身體

65

sunset

you said your life is perfect except for the emptiness in your heart finally, we enlarge this paradox to spirit and flesh, even to all mankind – whenever we borrow our body to solve a problem of the heart we’re the big losers the world gets dimmer as we talk we still haven’t found a substitute for that colorful a�erglow fashion designed by sunset to cover every body


66

秋風

肅殺的秋風，要砍下多少頭顱才會放下屠刀秋後算賬的大地，一片荒凉

多少野獸無處藏身多少人還在忍受

多少目睹枯萎的人也在枯萎，心底的荒凉像星辰，抓緊了黑夜

67

autumn wind

how many heads will this rough wind of autumntake off before it puts down the knife?

the land that squares accounts desolate a�er the autumn harvest

how many beasts without shelter?how many men still enduring?

how many witnesses of withering are also withering? The loneliness in the heartlike stars, firm grasp on the night sky


68

是否可以忘記

我又回到了北京在夏天，在擁擠的車流中，在渾濁的空氣裏但陽光依然明媚更多更高的樓宇，讓人顯得渺小街上人頭攢動，但靚女何其稀少她們習慣美麗地出沒，在日落之後我百無聊賴，漫步至陶然亭，我初戀的地方

湖水碧綠，荷花出污泥而不染情侶們忙著自己的事情我想起在湖邊，微風盈懷第一次牽你的手，你閉月羞花，我顫慄如泥花與泥，最終都留在了湖底如今，岸邊坐滿釣魚的人他們聚精會神，沉默不語，像是天下只有水和魚心如止水，心如止水只有上鉤的魚掀起一圈漣漪

我也租了一副魚具，加入釣魚者的行列我也可以平靜，我也可以忘記多麼容易，在忘記中釣上這些肥碩的魚只是它們和忘記一樣，並非免費

69

forgo�en or not

I am backin Beĳing againin summerin trafficin the muddled airthe sunlight is still enchantingmore skyscrapers noweveryone looks shortermore heads on the streets,but less pre�y girlstheir custom’s to beout beautifullyat night

feeling boredI stroll to Tou Xian Ting place of my first lovethe lake is green as jadelotus clean, clearlovers busy with their businessI remember that day by the lakeI remember the breezethe first time I held your handyou blushed like a flowerI shook like mudflowers and mudgo under the lake

today the shore is filled with people fishingthey steel themselves in silenceas if there were only

70

water and fish in the world

heart as still as wateronly a hooked fish flails

I rent some fishing gearjoin the groupI too can be at peaceI too can forgethow easy it was

I caught a big fish trying to forgetbut neither is forge�ing free


72

卡洛斯平時，他們被生活的沉悶所窒息只有在此刻當他緊緊地抱住安娜的頭才會低聲說出：愛，還有死仿佛死，是愛的極致，是天堂的階梯

床單濡濕而零亂像海浪，又像是狂風他們繼續航行，或者飛翔哪怕它們的終點都屬于大地

73

Carlos

normally, they are suffocated by the boredom of lifeonly at this momentholding Anna’s head tenderlywill he whisper love and whisper deathas if death were love’s extremityas if there were stairs to heaven

bed sheets moist and messylike waves, like storms

Anna and Carlos continue to sail, to flyeven though their destinationis something belonging to earth


74

洛佩斯的葬禮

人人身穿深色服裝，嗓音低沉戴上墨鏡，使晴朗的天空變成多餘

死者一身白衣，糾正了生前的污點享年八十三歲，可謂壽終正寢這，稀釋了眾人的悲傷

神父照本宣科，身體歸於泥土靈魂在天國翱翔，阿門充滿隱喻的鮮花，圍著墓碑綻放

墓地清幽，花香襲人，壓倒腐爛的氣味除下墨鏡，陽光更加燦爛，使我相信死亡，就是遷往了天堂

75

Lopez’ funeral

everybody dressed dark, voices lowereddark glasses make the bright sky futile

the dead dressed in white – rectification for a role in lifeaged eighty-three – so not ‘before his time’and this dilutes the sadness

the priest said what was required that the body belonged to the mudthat the soul was winged for heaven

amen flowers of metaphor bloom round the grave

how quiet and beautiful the scent of flowersoverwhelming ro�en smells

I took off my dark glasses the sun shone morewhich made me believedeath had gone on to heaven


76

沙粒我們在海邊漫步，這大海多麼慷慨，用一萬年把礁石磨成一粒粒光滑的沙子

你笑著，把一捧沙子放在我的手中說，這裏有黃金

大海依舊擊打著礁石手中的沙粒，折射出點點金光

我多希望，這些閃光的沙粒別從我的手中溜走別在須臾間帶走我的雙手，帶走我的身體

77

sand grains

strolling by the shoreof an ocean so generousit gives ten thousand yearsto the project of turning the reef into sand grains

you smile, pouring sands through my handssaying there’s gold here

the sea is still beating on the reefsthe sand in my hands is golden light reflecting

how I wish this sparkling sand would not slip away like this momentwould not lead my handslead my body away


78

重逢

聽說你已經歸來二十年光陰太短，我們豈敢相忘而祖國又一次滄海桑田你我約會的那根燈柱還在，但早已貼滿“專治梅毒，一針見效”的廣告我還純潔嗎兩眼昏花的我，已認不清醫生龍飛鳳舞的藥方

摻了防腐劑的罐頭也有期限肉體都要腐爛我只保留著心跳，這些還未腐爛的魚一條條穿過污染的河水游向你的懷抱

79

reunion

I heard you were backtwenty years is too short a time to forgetand time has brought great changes to our countrythe lamppost we’ve agreed to meet at is still standingbut now it’s covered with ads – ‘pox doctor, only one shot’

am I still pure?my old eyes don’t allow me to readthe doctor’s hand wri�en prescription

even canned foods with preservatives have expiry datesflesh will rot in the endI can only keep to my heartbeatthese fishes yet to dissolveswim across the dying riverto be at your breast


80

玻璃

那些石頭要揚棄多少東西才會變成玻璃它通體透明平靜，明亮，無言

窗外，依舊風光無限夕陽撞向大地

大海卷起波濤玻璃的內心隱藏著鋒芒和喊叫

81

glass

some stonesgive everything to become transparentcalm bright speechless

fabulous viewoutside the windowsse�ing sun touches the earth

sea curls up its wavesthe heart of glass hiding the sharpness, the screams


82

奔跑

是誰逼著種子發芽？陽光和水，都是大地的同謀種子裏埋藏的果實却沒有爬到樹上在最高處，壓低你的樹枝

只有風的馬群，在簇葉中奔跑而樹葉與樹葉之間只有徒勞的語言，只有空虛那顆樹死去了，站著死去他的根還緊攥著大地：一把灰燼

那就讓馬群在灰燼上奔跑吧但不要以逃跑的方式

83

running

who forces the seeds to grow?sunlight and water, they are earth’s co-conspiratorsthe fruits hidden in the seedsthey’ve never climbed treesnever stood abovebeating down branches

only the wind and horses running among the leavesand between leavesonly whining, only emptiness

the tree dies, standingits roots still grip the land:ashes

then, let the horses run on ashesbut never run away


84

一聲鳥鳴

麻醉師塞給我一本朦朧詩在我不喜歡的詩歌中，女護士迅速凋零之後，不知道經歷了什麼當再次睜開眼睛發現鄰床的老王已去向不明代替他的，是一個呻吟的青年

陽光依然明媚，像快樂的螞蟻在我的病床上嬉戲窗外，一聲鳥鳴告訴說"你的器官已被摘除"

85

bird cry

the anesthetist handed mea book of blurry poems

in the ones I didn’t likethe nurse soon withered

when I opened my eyesI didn’t know what I’d come through

Mr Wang was gone from the next bedin his place a moaning teenager

sun still shone brightlike the happy ants playing on my bed

outside the window, a bird sings”the organ in question is gone”


86

狗日的糧食

一個農民，在田地裏勞動他迎著風往手心狠狠吐了一口吐沫像是充滿了仇恨然後搓一搓雙手，攥起了鋤頭

在一篇作文中，我曾讚美農民們多麼勤勞卻不知道，幾千年來他們熱愛著糧食而狗日的糧食，卻沒有愛過他們

87

god damned grain

a peasant labouring in the fieldagainst the windspits on his palms with all his strengthas if hatred devoured himthen he rubs his hands togetherand grips a hoe

once in an essay I praised peasants for their diligenceyet I’d never known: for thousands of yearsall they have held dear is the god damned grain that never loved them

– translated by Petra Seak and Christopher Kelen

88

旅途

把身後的影子搓成一根韁繩牽著路，這匹老馬默默前行每天，夕陽都是一次流產鐘錶積攢了足夠的時間黑夜沒有前方只有四周一根根火柴從身體中抽出在昏暗的牆壁上撞破紅色的頭顱

89

journey

the shadow behind me, I twined into a reinholding the road, this old horsewent on in silence

everyday’s sunset is a miscarriagethe watch has saved enough timein darkness there’s nothing aheadonly around

matches drawn out strike each red headon the dim wall


90

1968年的奔跑

我跑了起來因為我看見一群人向一個紅色的方向奔跑我不知道他們為什麼要跑但知道，我為什麼要跑因為他們在跑

91

running in 1968

I ran because I saw the crowd running in the direction of Tiananmen squareI didn’t know why they were runningbut I knew I was running because they were


92

想起父親

想起父親的時候已經下雨了泥濘拖住了鞋子我感到了沉重在父親面前我只有彎下腰才能撿到一塊石頭我把石頭放在墳上石頭下壓住一張紙紙是白的上面什麼也沒有寫下山的時候天已經全黑了

93

thinking of father

I thought of my fatherit was already rainingthe mud dragging my shoesI felt heavyin front of dadI had to bend downto pick up a stoneI put the stone on the graveon a sheet of paperthe paper is whitenothing wri�en on itI walked down the hillthe sky was already dark


94

聖像巡遊

混在信徒之中，目睹耶和華的血從十字架上流向人間我，一個來自異國的異教徒也相信了人類的原罪相信誘惑的蘋果會在我的赤裸面前墜落

抬著聖像的信徒緩緩走過街邊的人群也靜靜散去我來到自己罪惡的中心槍殺了所有前往沙場的士兵我命令我的罪惡只傷害我自己

95

procession

among the followersI witnessed Jehovah’s bloodit dripped from the cross onto humansI’m a pagan from a foreign country I also believe in original sin the temptation of applesfallen before my nakedness

devotees holding sacred statues passed in slow procession crowds dispersed in silencethen I came to the core of my sins

who killed all those soldiers sent into ba�le?

I gave orders for my sins to be only self-harming


96

身上的雪披上皮大衣即使趴在地上，也不像狼我像綿羊一樣睡著了

夢中走近你狂吃身體上的青草雪越下越大但落在我身上的雪我一點也看不見

97

cloak of snow

pu�ing on a fur coat not even crawling on the groundmakes me look like a wolfI look like a sheep when I’m sleeping

I came to you in my dream and gobbled up the grass of your field, your bodythe snow got heavier but I couldn’t see the snow coming down on me


98

那血是我的

燈散開白髮，紙更加蒼白我寫不出一個字

蚊蟲隱形飛機一般嗡嗡作響我分不清它們的雌雄但不能不關心生活的痛癢必須聚精會神

啪啪啪，我打在自己的臉上，大腿上或者其他舉手可及的地方

那血是我的哪怕我無法留在血裏也要留在身上

99

the blood is mine

a lamp sca�ers white hair

paper is paler nothing to write

insects like stealth bombersmale? female? I can’t tellbut the itch means something I have to concentrate

I hit my facemy legs, anywhere I can reach

the blood’s mineeven if I can’t keep it in my veinsit’ll still be on my body


100

詩人的午餐

在法羅，六個國家的詩人坐在大海邊我們用詩句歌頌大海用牙齒把一條大魚剔成大海的胸針

101

the poet’s lunch

in Faro, poets from six countriessat by the seasidewe used poetry to praise the seawe used teeth to turn a big fish into a brooch for the sea


102

檸檬

走進院子，就像這個季節走進了檸檬樹金色的果實，緊緊抓住陽光如你小小的乳房不會飛翔

是的，它們很小但畢竟是你的乳房

103

lemon

I walked into the courtyard, in this seasonI came to a lemon treefruit to sunshine holding tightly like your small breasts can’t fly

yes, they’re smalla�er all they’re your breasts


104

蒼老

我和兩歲的女兒來到海邊她是第一次看到大海對她而言，這不是海她還不知道海這個詞大海，只是很大很大的一盆水她掙脫我的手快樂地向大海深處奔去頭髮飄動，在陽光中燦如王冠她象一條小魚奔跑，大聲喊叫竟沒有一絲的恐懼是啊，她還沒有開始學習恐懼而我，一個已在恐懼中學習半生的人站在陽光的後面感覺一下子就老了大海波平如鏡折射的光芒都是蒼蒼白髮

105

long in the tooth

I came to the seaside with my two-year-old daughterthis was her first time seeing the seait wasn’t a sea to her she didn’t even know the wordonly a big big pot of watershe took her hand awayran happily to the deep deep sea hair waving, shiny like a crownlike a li�le fish running, shoutingnot even a li�le afraid yet to learn me? I’ve known fear half my lifeback to the sun feeling old the sea a silent mirrorreflecting light – all silver hair


106

心病

我的心臟健康強健寂靜的時候能聽見它蹦蹦直跳但總有一種力量把一隻手放在我的心臟上面就像一貼狗皮膏藥死死咬住不放久而久之健康強健的心臟終於成了一塊心病

107

heart disease

my heart healthy and strong when silent I can hear it beating there is some powerplaces a hand over my heart it’s stuck there like a dog skin plastergrip deadly tight until the strong heartfails


108

進香

每登一步山頂的寺廟就放大了一點終於看見暗紅色的大門緊緊關著不知道和尚是否還在但在八月寺內的桂花一定開了

109

offering incense

as I climbed bit by bit the mountain top temple grew till I saw the big, red doordark, closed

not sure if the monks are still there but it’s August the sweet osmanthus inside should be in bloom by now


110

南京細雨濛濛，我又來到了南京法國梧桐仍用漢語交談雨花石似乎洗淨了血跡坐在街邊的水盆中，睜大繽紛的眼睛

我喜歡南京喜歡和這裏的朋友聚在酒吧談一談祖國、詩歌和女人但這些南京大屠殺倖存者或罹難者的後代從未跟我談起歷史

111

Nanjing

it’s drizzling, here I am in Nanjing again the French phoenix trees still chat in Chineserain flower pebbles look cleansat in the pots on the street, opening their eyes wide

I like NanjingI enjoy meeting my friends in the pubswe talk about the country, poetry and womenbut neither the children of the victims nor the survivors of the massacrehave ever spoken of history with me


112

植物人

人從地上站立起來

就開始用語言命名大千世界

玫瑰花開花落

不知道自己叫做玫瑰

君子蘭也不知道

自己和君子有何關係

此時我遠離語言學和植物學

無言地坐在老張的床邊

他渾身插滿管子

像一株茂盛的植物

我轉移視線，窗外的樹

已經伸展所有的葉子

在玻璃上投下快樂的斑影

我最後看了一眼老張

他睜開了雙眼

但他什麼也沒有看見

113

vegetative man

humans are meant to stand on the ground they use language to name the world

roses blossom and fallthey don’t know why they are called roses

nor does a gentleman orchid know how bestto deport himself among gentlemen

I keep as far as I can from linguistics and botany I sit by old Zhang’s bed, speechless

Zhang’s sprouted tubes everywhere, you could say he was flourishing

I look out the window – trees, leaves all over cast happy shadows on glass

I see old Zhang open his eyesthere’s nothing he can see


114

狼來了

狼來了

羊們都沒有跑

他們停止了吃草

排成整齊的隊列

像一壟壟棉花

狼嚎叫了一聲：

天氣真他媽熱！

所有的羊

都脫下了皮大衣

115

the wolf’s coming

the wolf’s coming

the sheep didn’t run they stopped eating the grassformed up a queuelike co�on wool

the wolf howled at the flock‘it’s hot as hell, this weather!’all the sheep took off their coats


116

福爾馬林中的孩子

在病理室看見你坐在福馬林中冰冷，浮腫，蒼白卻沒有腐爛的自由嘴唇微微張開還在呼喚第一聲啼哭緊攥的小手抓住的只有自己的指紋

你沒有腐爛的自由你讓我對生活感到滿足呵，自由，腐爛的自由我畢竟擁有

117

the child in formalin

in the wardsat in formalin cold, swollen, palebut freedom undeterred your lips slightly openedtears beginningholding only your own fingerprints

not knowing freedom you have none to lose this shows me thatI must be satisfiedpossessing onlyfreedom’s decay


118

《在聖瑪麗婭醫院》

從白色的被單中，你向我伸出一隻手它修長，枯乾，塗著蔻丹的指甲像梅花，把冬天的樹枝照耀這些指甲，這些花，你一次次剪掉又讓它們一次次怒放

它們，位於你生活和身體的邊緣但總是這麼潔淨，這麼鮮豔哪怕在這所和國家一樣混亂的國家醫院

抓住你的手，感到褐色的血管隆起血液蠕動，從紅色的指尖折返記得你在書中說，在死亡的肉體中指甲是最後腐爛的物質

119

at St Mary’s Hospital

under the white covers, you give me your handit’s slender, dry and those Cutex nailsare like plum blossoms, shining in winter branches

these fingernails, these flowersyou have pruned one by onele�ing them blossom again and again

they are at the margin of body and of lifealways clean, vivid, even in this state hospitalwhich is as messy as the country

holding your hand, I feel the blood risingdrained from the red nailsI remember in your book you wrotehow on a corpse the nails are last to rot


Books by ASM

Fiction Series:story circle manual

Legend of the Chinese Zodiac - Jenny Oliveros LaoAh Xun’s 5 Destinies - Hilda Tam

man, god, ghost - Amy WongCherry’s Diary - Cassenna Chan

The Ice-cream Formula - Elisa LaiHidden Treasure - Juliana Ho

Crayon Tales - Carol TongLotus I Love You - Jodie Leung

Climbing a Tree for Fish - Lili Hana map of the seasons - Kit Kelen

a wager with the gods - Kit Kelen

Classical and Contemporary Poetry Series:Meng Jiao: bird in an empty city

NaLan Xingde: tryst Li Yu: song of the water clock at night

Xing Qiji: clear echo in the valley’s depthsKit Kelen’s Macao - Christopher Kelen

when the fish close their eyes - Yao Feng

Yao Feng - When the Fish Close Their Eyes

Documents

Transcript of Yao Feng - When the Fish Close Their Eyes