PB 1

THINKINGOF THE FUTURELISTENING TO THE SURVIVOR’S ORAL HISTORY ON FORCED MARRIAGE DURING THE KHMER ROUGE

THIN

KIN

GO

F THE FU

TUR

ELISTEN

ING

TO TH

E SUR

VIV

OR

’S OR

AL H

ISTOR

Y O

N

FOR

CED

MA

RR

IAG

E DU

RIN

G TH

E KH

MER

RO

UG

E

JAN

UA

RY

2018

I

PREFA

CE

D

ear readers!

For the purpose of contribution to the peace building in C

ambodia, K

dei Karuna O

rganisation has been implem

enting a project called "Pka Sla – K

rom A

ngkar ". Through this project,

Kdei K

aruna compiled a book entitled "T

hinking of the Future" by recounting the individual experiences of victim

s/ survivors w

ho were forced to get married under the K

hmer Rouge regim

e so that younger generations could hear about it. In addition, this book is designed to share unforgettable stories and to reconcile the victim

s' feelings and prevent the regime from

happening again.

Taking this opportunity, K

dei Karuna O

rganisation would like to express our gratitude to the victim

s who have shared

their ten (10) individual stories (Eight females), project staff and

all levels of local authorities who have spent precious time and

provided closed collaboration during the project implem

entation. In addition, thanks to all three im

plementing partners of Pka Sla

project including Khm

er Arts Academ

y, Bophana Audiovisual Resource C

enter, Transcultural Psychosocial Organization C

ambodia

(TPO) for close cooperation and creation of this project. Especially,

sincerely thank to Swiss Agency for D

evelopment &

Cooperation

(SDC

), Germ

an Federal Ministry for Econom

ic Cooperation

and Developm

ent (BMZ) through G

IZ Cam

bodia under the coordination from

Victim

Support Section of Extraordinary

Listening and transcribing of the interview

/story-telling

Cham

bers in the Courts of C

ambodia (EC

CC

) and U.S. Agency

for International Developm

ent (USAID

) for financial support to Pka Sla – K

rom Angkar project in 2017.

T

his good cooperation and inclusive partnership are the im

portant driving forces for contributing to sustainable peace, w

hich enables our people to live together with dignity, tolerance

and harmony.

Mr. T

IM M

inea

Executive Director

AB

OU

T ORA

L HISTO

RY

Oral H

istory is a narrative of personal experience of the event (s) occurring at any tim

e, for a person, such as he/she personally encounters or sees with own eyes, acting or affecting from

torture, suffering, struggling in life, or being forced to do som

ething, etc.

Please note that the oral history is just a story telling by the

individual's mem

ory. This mem

ory may differ from

the mem

ory of another person and m

ay be slight different from the recorded

history.

III

Conduct a research

about KR’s survivor

147

258

369

Preparing of the draft stories

Reviewing and

correcting the terms

and spellings

Making appointm

ent and interview

(getting consent, audio and video record)

Dating and reading

for narrators to confirm

and correct

Printing

Designing the book

layout

Launching and distributing

Below

is the processes of oral history’s data collection and com

pilation carried out by Kdei K

aruna’s project team:

II

AB

OU

T THE B

OO

KA

BO

UT “PK

A SLA

– KR

OM

A

NG

KA

R” PR

OJEC

T

“Thinking of the Future” is published for the purpose of

collection the truth stories which happened to the survivors from

forced married during K

hmer Rouge regim

e and compiled for

next generations to get better understanding and for fundamental

research. On the other hand, through this oral history, survivors find

opportunity for speaking about the pain and injustice happening during that regim

e, which is one of methods for m

ental healing.

T

his book quoted oral history of ten (10) forced married sur-

vivors (eight females) during the K

hmer Rouge who are from

Bat-tam

bang, Pursat, Kam

pong Chhnang, K

ampot and K

oh Kong

province. This book consists of 10 stories. Each story is divided

into three main parts including life before the K

hmer R

ouge, Experiences during the regim

e, and the struggles after the regime

as well as their views toward gender and m

arriage to their children.

T

his book described a lot of stories with the pain, torture,

gender-based violence and hardship after Khm

er Rouge regime.

These stories were all about the past but we would like to indicate

each story about their struggles, strengths and hopes which reflect the healing from

this regime.

“Pka Sla-K

rom Angkar” Project was co-established by four

implem

enting organizations for the purpose of contribution to against gender-based violence and to prom

ote the ideas of gender equity for forced m

arried survivors during the Khm

er Rouge

regime. Pka Sla-K

rom A

ngkar is a proposed reparation project subm

itted to ECC

C for case 002/02 under the financial support

from Swiss Agency for D

evelopment &

Cooperation (SD

C), G

erman

Federal Ministry for Econom

ic Cooperation and D

evelopment

(BMZ) through G

IZ Cam

bodia under the coordination from

Victim

Support Section of Extraordinary Cham

bers in the C

ourts of Cam

bodia (ECC

C) and U

.S. Agency for International D

evelopment (U

SAID).

In the process of finding justices, this project has som

e spcific activities which have been im

plemented by four organizations:

Khm

er Arts A

cademy: C

reated classical dance performance as

testing arts of healing describing the survival experience of the forced m

arriages and gender-based violence during the Khm

er Rouge regim

e by Sophilin Arts Group.

Transcultural Psychosocial Organization C

ambodia (T

PO):

Provides mental health support for survivors w

ho are Civil

Parties of Extraordinary Cham

bers in the Courts of C

ambodia

and conducts a research on CP’s perception/view

s toward “Pka

Sla”dance.

VIV

1

CO

NTEN

T

My life is full of hardship but I am

strong 2

We struggle for our fam

ily 20

Happiness fulfilled by m

utual understanding 38

I did not get married again [as I was] afraid

of being abused 54

Courage and wisdom

will overcome hardship

68

Wom

en and resistance 86

A traditional marriage is very im

portant to me

102

Religion helps me m

entally reconciled 114

Gender is for m

en and women

134

I want to speak out, but I don’t have an opportunity 156

Kdei K

aruna Organisation: Establishes M

obile Exhibition and Intergenerational D

ialogue which provides space for C

ivil Parties (C

P) to tell his/her stories and experiences which is a

fundamental inform

ation for opening discussion about gender issues today. Publication of oral history book for next generation for education.

Bophana Audiovisual R

esource Center: Produces a docu-

mentary video and broadcast through television to com

munities

about whole project implem

entation process.

1VI

23

N

ame: D

OEU

K SA

M

A

ge: 63 years old

D

oem R

okar village, K

hna Toteong

com

mune, B

akan district, P

ursat province

Job

: a Seller at home

H

aving five sib

lings

H

aving five child

ren: three boys, tw

o girls

MY

LIFE IS FULL O

F HA

RD

SHIP

BU

T I’M STR

ON

G

45

M

y siblings were very different, for example, m

y youngest sibling loved m

y mother and I loved m

y father. As we grew up, we teased each other that ‘you loved the m

other, I loved the father, but now they both are lying underneath the earth [passed away]’. W

hen I was in the refugee camp, I took care of the father alone

until he died. His body w

as cremated at K

hao Idang refugee cam

p. My younger sibling was hugging m

y mother into sleeping

but did not realize when she passed aw

ay. She cried out loudly at 4 pm

when she realized that she was dead. It was distressing and we were so poor, but we got help from

other villagers as they donated som

e money, rice and assistance to crem

ate the body. M

y sister always burst into tears whenever we recalled this event. I have always wanted to cry whenever I recalled that tim

e when we had to be separated from

our mother forever [sighed].

MY

LIFE IS FULL O

F H

AR

DSH

IP, BU

T I AM

STRO

NG

Before 1970, I had five siblings, three brothers and two

sisters, but one of brothers passed away because of an illness in

1990, so we now have only four siblings, two brothers and two sisters. I am

the eldest in the family and I have been responsible

for everything, both men’s work and wom

en’s work, including plow

ing, pulling and transplanting the seedlings. It is a miserable

life. My other siblings were still sm

all, that is why I had a lot of responsibilities.

M

y parents wanted me to go to school but the country was

in war so I could only studied under the trees. M

y brothers entered m

onkhood and studied in grade two or three and they

could read but not write. O

ne of my siblings lives and studies

in USA and he speaks English very fluent, which I could not

understand. My younger sibling started school in 1979, but was

interrupted by the death of our mother. I escaped to refugee

camp, w

hile my sister’s sons w

ent to the camp w

ith me to avoid

serving military service.

Speaking with a sm

iling face when rem

inding about the father

M

y father loved daughters and I loved my father m

ore than m

y mother because m

y father always took me along w

ith him. I

did not know why I loved my father the m

ost. He was very gentle

while my m

other was ferocious, especially verbally.

67

1 Skun: a kind of water lily and grow in water but it has a bitter taste

BEFO

RE K

R R

EGIM

E

Before the K

R regime, I was about 13 or 14 years old and I did

the rice-farming. W

e had a lot for rice fields in Sangkum Reastr

Niyum

regime, and we had a lot of rice. I had never been as terribly

poor as when I was in KR regim

e. Then I had to work very hard

to support my fam

ily as my parents becam

e so old and they could not work.

In 1970, Pol Pot’s soldiers w

ere at Veay Chap m

ountain, Battam

bang province already. In 1974 in some m

onth (I don’t rem

ember clearly), Pol Pol soldiers controlled the w

hole Pursat province already. In late 1973 and early 1974, the tank arm

y who chased K

R soldiers, swiping m

y parents with them

to Phnom Bak

which was a jungle and m

ountainous area. I was chased by Lon N

ol soldiers to the other side of the National Road. A few m

onths later, I returned to look for m

y parents, but were chased back and forth under the rain of bullets, so we kept running to finally end up at C

hhnoan Ronas mountain, Lok m

ountain, where there were a lot of jungles and we tried to keep going. T

he journey made us

miss som

e meals, but the rice that w

e brought along had to be cooked and m

ixed with Skun

1 leaves, which was so bitter that we couldn’t taste other things. Ten of thousands of people were at that tim

e, so those who had something to eat just had to share w

ith others, while som

e others had to miss som

e meals.

MY

EXPER

IENC

ES IN K

R R

EGIM

E

D

uring the New

Year, the KR soldiers cam

e in again. They

evacuated us and made us separate from

our parents. I was evacuated to Rom

lech comm

une at Veal Danghen, then to Svay K

antreang further westwards. I was incorporated into com

mitted wom

en unit, where I had to com

pletely get separated from all m

y relatives.

In 1976, I was sent to D

amnak C

hi Krom

, where I worked on a canal. Four m

onths later, I was sent to Romlech village, where

I was transferred again one year later to Khna Toteong, then to

Koang K

ang Dam

nak Ampil, where I was m

ade to dig a canal. A few m

onths into 1977, I was sent to Koang K

ang battlefield.

I was m

ade to transplant rice seedlings, to harvest and to work in dry season rice fields. I was not allowed to sleep even at night tim

e. Life was so terrible. I was made to catch m

ice and to frighten m

ice to leave the rice fields. I had to catch mice w

ith others in w

omen’s unit. T

hey made us walk to work in a way to not let us

have any comfort. W

hen I was sleepy, I stuffed m

y ears with

seedling’s root to prevent leech from entering m

y ears because I had to sleep when m

y body was in the water and my head on

the farm’s dike. Everybody would sleep that way. W

hen the unit head was approaching, we heard sounds that woke us up. People warned us to be careful as we could get killed if we were found out to be sleeping during work hours. W

e kept frightening the mice,

because if mice ate rice, people in the units responsible for that

would be educated, transferred or killed.

89

Ouch…

I was so badly treated …

!

In 1977 at Snam

Preah in Aren cooperative, I was put in jail. I was walking from

Koang K

ang to Talo area, where I was put on the truck of the police chief. I was about to be put in jail at T

hormayuth pagoda but when the chief arrived, he ordered to

bring me back to Snam

Preah.

I did not even realize that I was in jail though I was already

there. One w

eek later, I was interrogated and tortured. I w

as electrocuted at Snam

Preah railway station, w

here comm

on graves were just around. I was hit w

ith wrist-sized bam

boo. I was sat on a chair this w

ay, and got electrocuted until I fell off from

the chair, unconscious.

W

hen I woke up, someone said, “you are a KG

B agent, V

ietnamese. N

ow w

ho else, tell us their names!” I responded

that, “If I betray Angkar, I w

ouldn’t have join the revolution.” T

hey said I was stubborn. Suddenly I got a slap on my face, fell off

from the chair again. M

y head was covered with a plastic bag,

and got electrocuted. My hair stands on end. T

he plastic bag got burn. M

y head became very hot. I fell off from

the chair again. I responded again that, “If I betrayed the revolution, I wouldn’t have joined the revolution since it had nothing until it is so progressive like now.” W

ith that, I got another slap and electro-cution continued. T

he used the pliers to squeeze me and tw

isted and pull them

violently. They treated m

e so badly and kicked m

e into the pit they reserved for the dead. My body was full of

blood. During the electrocution, I felt hot, sweating, bleeding and

I asked for a sip of water, only to no avail. They said, ‘you betrayed

Angkar, right?’ I said, ‘no I didn’t. If I betrayed, I would not have

worked for Angkar, since in Sneng U

nit up until the country is in peace. I don’t betray Angkar,’ I was weeping, when I got hit w

ith that bamboo. T

he way they tortured me was just like that

at Tuol Sleng, where I felt so pity for those people. Seeing those pictures, they rem

inded about what happened on me, especially,

when they dum

ped my head into water and pulled m

y head up over and over again. I couldn’t breathe.

G

ot beaten on the head and slapped on the face, I got knocked dow

n unconscious, which I don’t remem

ber for how long. When

they had nothing else to ask me, they said to put m

e away. When

I heard that, I thought I was going to die, as when I looked around, I saw

the pits and the dead bodies around, yet to be buried. I was shackled but the shackles were so sm

all that they leave wound on m

e until today. The wound was delicate as I was

made to walk w

ith those shackles attached.

In 1977, for a period of 6-10 m

onths, we were harvesting rice, when I was put in jail. After three m

onths in jail, I was released to harvest rice again. I was accused of a Vietnam

ese KGB agent

because there was a woman w

ith a similar nam

e like me ‘Sam

.’ So, I was arrested by m

istake. When I was released, I was m

ade to pull the seedlings at Snam

Preah and was made to walk w

ith the shackles around m

y legs for a long time. I was m

ade to work with

my legs shackled. I got num

b and fell onto the ground, when they accused m

e of pretending to fall. I was so terribly mistreated.

T

he person who hurt me has already passed away, which I

think, as a result of his sin. He hurt m

e, so I lived in fear. When

1011

he met m

e, he did not dare to look at me. I believe in K

arma,

which had returned to him

, and now all his orphaned children have been separated from

each other. Those in the southwest and

Kam

pot areas were killed at Banteay Dei pagoda, Pursat province.

This pagoda was also a jail.

FOR

CED

MA

RR

IAG

E

I was then made to take care of kids for three m

onths, when I led the kids to cut plants, Tontreang K

het, to make fertilizer and

to grow vegetable like pumpkins, wax gourds, eggplants.

I will surely be killed …

After that three m

onths, I was forced to get married, which I

was not aware of in advance. While I was breaking the soil at Aren

cooperative, a messenger said to m

e, ‘mum

, a brother asked that you go there for a m

oment.” H

earing this, the hoe suddenly dropped off m

y hand, thinking I would surely be killed. I was so shockingly frightened that m

y arms and legs were shaking. T

hat kid, who called m

e ‘mum

,’ told me to hurry. I thought that hurry would m

ean die. I was so panicked, as I felt that I would be killed then.

O

nce I arrived the place to get determined who to m

arry w

ho, I saw the leader coming in the car. I still did not know it

was about the wedding. What kind of a wedding when there were

two long benches, one for m

en and the other for wom

en with

presiding guests on the other side from the region, the areas and

other heads of units or groups. For the head of my group, she

knew her partner, as they loved each other and requested the

proposal. There were seven couples at that tim

e. For my couple,

I had never met him

and he worked as a palm tree harvester. H

e was from

Battambang province.

I felt very disappointed w

ith this life’s marriage. A wedding

after KR regim

e came w

ith traditional music, but there was none

during the KR regim

e. So disappointed.

After the wedding, we were given a room

for each couple in a flat. In a flat, there was first room

and second room and so

on, and it was on the national road. I was in the first room, while

others in the second, third, fourth and so on. There were m

ilitia w

ho came to spy on us. T

hree couples who got married at the

same tim

e with m

e were killed because they did not get along. T

hey were arguing until the bed was broken or fighting each other w

ith loud noise.

For us, we just whispered and talked to each other in a norm

al way. O

n that day, we said that, ‘if we do not get along, we just talk in a norm

al way, we just pretend to love each other, so that no one w

ill notice this.” So we just did it that way. At night, militias were

coming to see from

under the house. I was about to be smashed

too, as we did not consumm

ate. They suspected this as one was

sleeping in the hamm

ock while the other in the bed. They reported us to the head of cooperative.

T

he head of militia got m

y partner undressed at their place and looked at his penis and asked w

hether he slept with his

wife, and he responded that he slept w

ith me in the sam

e house.

1213

They insisted that he did not sleep w

ith me and told him

to come

back and reminded that if he did not sleep w

ith the wife, he would

be disappeared. As I was with the wom

en, I did not get undressed. W

hen my couple cam

e back, he cautiously told me what had hap-

pened to him. T

hen he said to me, ‘if we have to live together, let

us love and take care of each other.’ He continued, ‘if we don’t

get along, they will kill us.’ I was frightened and afraid that they

would kill me, especially when I m

et with the head of m

ilitia.

A week later, they cam

e with a hoe and a bunch of incents

for us to make a decision. If we did not consum

mate, we would

be gone. They asked m

y husband, ‘Pheap, did you get along with

your wife?” M

y husband responded, ‘yes we get along very well.’ T

hat response saved our lives. Then we consum

mated, as I was

afraid to get killed. He was a kind m

an. He did not treat m

e badly, he did not rape m

e. I felt pitiful for him, so we consum

mated.

W

e were not forced to have sex in front of them to see. In

some cases, especially those couples who got m

arried after me.

A couple was forced to have sex for them to see. I was so puzzled

to know this. It was like cats or dogs. It made them

lose all the reputation. But I did not dare to say anything. I just thought to m

yself.

AFTER

KR

REG

IME

I was w

aiting for my husband for years but

no information about him

before I remarried …

W

e lived together for one year until 7 January, when I went to Pursat province. M

ilitia wanted to kill me while I was waiting

for my husband alone. At that tim

e, bullets were fired like rain drops. Fortunately, I was safe. I was running w

ith a broken cooking pot, as I did not have anything to cook w

ith.

W

e met in Pursat provincial tow

n. In June 1979, my husband

found my parents and brought m

e from the tow

n to live with m

y parents in the village. W

e peacefully lived together again. Later, I gave a birth to a daughter, to whom

my husband loved so m

uch. H

e was so much excited that we celebrated her one-m

onth old ritual, which we only had som

e rice for the celebration. But half a m

onth later, he went away…

M

y husband asked that he went to look for his mother at

her house in Battambang province. W

e have been separated ever since, w

ithout knowing if he was alive or dead. I was left w

ith that one daughter. She lives w

ith me until now and I now have four

grandchildren. He prom

ised to come back but he was just gone.

When m

y daughter was one year old, we went to look for him at

the refugee camp. At the cam

p, there were a lot of rape cases. Once

a woman was raped, she was killed afterwards. So I decided to

remarry at the refugee cam

p, after 5 years of waiting.

1415

At the refugee cam

p, we were not forced to get married. It

was a marriage out of love. I accepted it when I was proposed by a

man w

ith disability—he lost just one foot, as a result of an injury

he suffered during the fighting against the Vietnamese in 1982. I

was afraid that if I got the one who was not disabled, he would be sent to serve in m

ilitary, and was afraid that the new man would

run away from m

e like the first one.

H

e was drowning and passed away on 18 O

ctober 2010 in a stream

during a flooding season. That day, when he left hom

e, he w

as not drunk but I heard my nephew

s say they told my

husband to go to their home to eat fried frog, which was a delicious

additive while drinking alcohol. When crossing the bridge, he

slipped into the whirling stream and it took him

away. My nephew

told me that he died, but responded that ‘no he does not die.

He just ate noodles that I prepared for him

a mom

ent ago.’ But they told m

e that he drowned. At that tim

e, I was selling noodle, porridge and other things. As soon as I heard that he died, I dropped everything and went to look for m

y kids, as they were playing around that area too. I told m

y children that their father died, but they responded that, ‘no, he did not die. H

e was drinking just a while ago.’ W

hen I informed the village chief about his

death, he came and exam

ined the body, for fear that I was the one who m

urdered him.

I have no nostalgia for him because he

mistreated m

e so badly …

I did not cry even a drop of tear. W

hen I was inviting people to the funeral, people asked why I was not crying, but kept cycling. I said that ‘why cry? H

e already died.’ I was angry because he w

ould mistreat m

e and swear at me. I hated him

. I was angry. Som

etimes, I did not even speak to him

. His body w

as carried hom

e for a funeral and he was crem

ated near my house. I did

not regret of losing him because he hurt m

e so badly. I am very

disappointed with m

y life. When the kids were sm

all, he never m

istreated me that w

ay but now it w

as like he had a mental

problem. At the refugee cam

p, he was w

orking very hard and earning m

oney to support me. H

e never got me to work and I only

had to care for the kids. He started to m

istreat me about two or

three years before he passed away. Soon after we returned from the

refugee camp to be here, he seem

ed to be obsessed with alcohol.

He drank so m

uch that he got drunk. Under the influence of

alcohol, we turned to be a crazy man who did not seem

to know his w

ife or children any more.

For him

, he loved both the kids of my previous husband and

his kids. The first daughter lived w

ith me until she got m

arried. My

second husband loved my first daughter very m

uch, as he always bought arom

atic stuff for her. But for the past years, he had changed because of alcohol, until his dying day. I think m

y life has been a difficult one since I w

as very young and hardship rem

ains even after my kids grow

up. One of the daughters w

as in 9th grade. T

he boy was in 7th or 8th grade. But they quit

1617

school because they were angry with their father. W

hile they were studying at night, the father arrived hom

e and bothered them,

throwing their books away and beat them

.

I think m

y life is too difficult and I don’t want to be alive any-m

ore. Now I don’t have a husband to m

istreat me but it is difficult

because my kids are not obedient. I am

very disappointed. The only kid who care for m

e is the one who is now living in Korea. W

hen he was talking to m

e on the phone, he encouraged me not to be worried

too much and he did not w

ant me to sell the stuff w

hich I am

selling every day, as he wanted me to stay healthy. I am

pitiful for him

. He has been the only one who cares for m

e since he was young.

I have tried to do business always …

After the collapse of K

R regime, we went to the refugee cam

p along T

hai border, which was called Rithysen cam

p. I decided to m

ove to the camp w

ith my daughter and m

y brother, while my

parents would rather stay at hom

e. I went to the cam

p for the first tim

e in 1980 and then returned. But when I saw

that those in the cam

p did not have to work as they could live on the rice and stuff supported by foreigners w

ithout having to be worried or do anything like farm

ing and so on, I decided to go back again for the second tim

e in 1981. I remained in the cam

p until 1993 w

hen we were repatriated. I got back home in 1993 and in 1996,

I was robbed, as they might think I had a lot of savings. I was

hard-working. At the camp, I sold this and that stuff, here and

there, carrying stuff on my shoulders. In T

hailand’s side, I bought fish, vegetables or fruits to sell. I had to put up w

ith all those situations though I did not speak T

hai.

W

ith my second husband, I had seven children, so a total

of eight including the first one with m

y first husband, four boys and four girls. Two of them

died. So I now have six children. The

love each other, so they are fine. The eldest daughter is living in

Battambang province w

ith her husband who runs a business. My

oldest child is 38 years old. She often visited me before, but not

now as she is very poor. She has never come here for the past two

or three years. I do not phone her and she does not know m

y num

ber either, after I lost my phone and I do not know where her

house is, too. For what happened in KR regim

e, I have never told her. She only knew about the robbery, because she was there, got beaten too.

I want m

y daughters to be as brave as her m

other and not afraid of anything …

Between sons and daughters, I love sons the m

ost because I can ask them

to go and do anything at night time, while the girls

could not do it. The girls need another one to accom

pany as they are always afraid of ghosts or of other hum

ans. The girls are not

as brave as me, the m

other. For me, I am

not afraid of anything. If there were ghosts, I would stop to see them

. I am brave and

afraid at the same tim

e, but before I am afraid of anything, I need

to see it clearly first. I want my daughters to be as brave as m

e, so that when they are m

arried, they will not be afraid and let their

husband mistreat them

, which I hate so much.

I want m

y relatives and my children to try to be better off,

and be not as poor as me. Being poor, life is so hard. I don’t

want m

y relatives to die because of men or wom

en. They should

1819

“We need to m

ake sure that w

e won’t

die because of others, w

e need to w

ork hard on our ow

n”D

OEU

K SA

M

not be hopeless when their spouse die and think they could not do anything w

ithout them.

“W

e should be mentally strong and should not just depend on

others too much or should not live on others. W

e should be able to be independent.”

W

e have two arms and two legs [giggling while speaking],

so we could not just die because we don’t have the spouse. Some

people were so upset that they could not live without their spouse.

My husband died. O

k, I will try to work to raise for m

y children. W

hen I saved some m

oney, I bought gold and jewelry to wear. It is m

e nowadays. I am poor but I have a big heart.

For marriage, I w

ill not force my children because

their spouse is not for me to hug …

M

y children chose their own spouse for m

arriage and I do not arrange their m

arriage. My son in K

orea was not forced to m

arry too. He chose and he loved his spouse on his ow

n. I just proposed to her fam

ily and I never told him to pick this or that

wom

an. It is up to them. For sons, they cam

e to me when they

loved anyone. So I fulfilled their wishes. For daughters, they

came to m

e and told me about the person they loved and asked

me if I would agree. In that particular m

oment, I would ask

them back if they loved the m

en. If they loved, I would agree. A

nd if they did not love, I would not dare to force them because

their spouse is not for me to hug. W

e are poor, so we can’t force our children to get m

arried because if they ran away from their

spouse, we could not afford to repay the bride-price.

In the wedding, I educated m

y children about violence that, ‘you have a husband now, so do not be so nagging; otherw

ise, you w

ould not get along well. We need to respect each other. W

hen I was young, I did not argue. I started to argue w

ith your father only after you all have grow

n up.’ [Laughing at the same tim

e] […

] I educated both my children and m

y children-in-law. I told m

y sons-in-law, ‘if you love your wife, you w

ill have to take care of your w

ife, especially when the w

ife is sick or after birth delivery.’ I have observed that they did take care of their w

ife when they were sick or after birth delivery. T

hey did the washing, cleaning and taking care of the w

ife. I am happy w

ith that. But I am

not sure about the ones who are not yet married. […

]

2021

Nam

e: OEM

SAMET

H O

ccupation: Primary School Teacher

Having nine siblings, seven sisters

and two brothers

Currently, w

e have two daughters.

One is a teacher, and the other one is a physician.

N

ame: LO

NG

CH

HO

EUR

M

Occupation: Farm

er H

aving four siblings, one brother and three sisters

WE STR

UG

GLE

FOR

OU

R FA

MILY

2223

S: My two elder sisters were not allowed to go to school because

my parents stuck w

ith the idea of “women belong near the kitchen

stove”. Moreover, they were afraid that when girls were educated,

they would be able to write a love letter, and that was inappropriate in K

hmer tradition, so they did not allow their daughters to go to

school. [For me,] I tried to confront w

ith my parents. T

hey said that girls were not allowed to study far away from

home, otherwise

they would learn how to write a love letter to their love ones. I tried to w

in over them by saying that if m

y elder brother was allowed to go to school, I m

ust be allowed as well. At that time, they let

my elder brother go to school, and I wanted to go to school as m

y brother did. M

y mother saw m

e like that, and she asked me to

choose one between studying and farming. I chose to be like m

y brother. Even if I was a girl, I m

ust go to school. I would study as hard as m

y brother did. “Okay, if you are determ

ined to be like your brother, you can go to school,” she agreed to allow m

e to go school. W

henever I think of Lon Nol regim

e, it always reminds

me of m

y two elder sisters who did not go to school while my

brother and I were sent to study in the capital town of Battambang

Province.

C: You were lucky because you had other siblings doing farm

ing. For m

e, I was the only son in my fam

ily, so I had to go to school and helped m

y father, and I did not study much during Lon N

ol

WE STR

UG

GLE

FOR

OU

R FA

MILY

S: OEM

SAM

ETH | C

: LON

G C

HH

OEU

RM

regime. I studied until G

rade 5, then, I got sick. I was sick for one or two years, so I quitted school. You studied higher grade than I did. D

id you not think of farming when you were young?

I am a m

an and I used to do farming w

ith my father, so I knew

at that time m

y father worked very hard for the children and grandchildren.

[…] m

eal allowance “three centim

eters for ten people”

C: W

hen it came to the Pol Pot regim

e, it reminded m

e of the m

iserable time. As you know, we were separated from

our parents, and m

en and women were required to live separately, and we had

to follow them. I went to rock extraction site at Thibadei M

ountain (in speaking language, called Ta Phde M

ountain). We were given

porridge or rice for meals because we did heavy work, but I saw the

cooperative comm

ittee around my work site ate “three centim

eters for ten people”. I believe that the new generations will not understand when we say this. I guess you do not know either.

S: Hm

m! M

y cooperative did not use this word.

C: T

hat’s right! In the cooperative around me, there were m

ore than ten people in one area, and they use the one-decim

eter high m

ilk can to measure three centim

eters of rice from the bottom

of the can, and they used the rice to cook porridge for those ten people.

S: Oh! At least they got som

e rice though.

C: T

hat’s right! Unlike m

y mother, when I visited her, she had

nothing but red corn to eat.

2425

S: It was better than my cooperative. In m

y cooperative, they gave out rice brans packed w

ith water hyacinthleaf. M

y cooperative was m

ore difficult than yours. They m

ade pieces of cake from the

rice brans and gave them to us, and if we did not eat and threw

it way, they would kill when they saw it. T

hey said we did not learn to live in bad situation and did not know how to be lower ourselves. T

hey would not give us food and would keep insisting that we were w

rong. In other words, for everything we did, we w

ere forced to. Even the rice brans, we were forced to eat them. I

really feel sympathetic for m

yself that I should not have lived in such a regim

e.

C: […

] I left home for alm

ost two years to a mobile work unit to

extract stone at Ta Phde Mountain. M

y father was not in good

position at that time. H

e was a chief of 50 dwellings 3, and Pol

Pot did not like this position, so they killed him. I left hom

e for two years w

ithout knowing how m

y mother was doing. I asked

for leave permission when I knew that m

y father was killed, but I w

as not allowed to take leave. They said if I went back hom

e, you had to be responsible m

yself. I agreed to sacrifice, because I thought even if I could be stopped and killed on m

y way home,

I was w

illing to bear it. No m

atter what, I had to go to see my

mother. W

hen I arrived home, she went to the kitchen to beg

for porridge for me. She got a sm

all bowl of porridge which was full of red corn, and there was soup m

ade of unknown leaves. I

cried when I saw that. I asked my m

other how many days she had

eaten that kind of porridge. “My son, it has been a long tim

e, more

than a month. I have not had any rice.” She said. I stayed there

for two nights and went back to my cooperative. W

hen I came

back, I was thinking of how to leave the stone extraction site and com

e to live with m

y mother. I kept thinking of it, but I did not

dare to do that. In late 1978, when the South-W

est (Kam

pot, K

ampong Som

) came in, m

y elder cousin who also wanted to go to live w

ith his mother, requested for a perm

ission letter. He told

me to request one as well. W

hen I went to request the comm

ittee (cooperative com

mittee), they said that going back for a visit or

a permanent stay was not perm

itted, but only for a marriage was

allowed. I talked to him m

y elder cousin. “Let’s go brother! Don’t

care whether they would arrange a marriage for us or whatever” I

said, so I put the letter in my pocket and walked out with m

y elder cousin. “Brother, what if we go there and the cooperative com

mittee

refuse to accept us, what are we going to do?” I asked him. […

]

If I was not forced at that tim

e, I did not want

to get married…

[…] After we stayed there for six nights, the regional com

mittee

let a reconnoiter come to R

aing Kesey, K

bal Thnal cooperative,

to call us. There were around 200 lady com

rades and a lot of young m

en gathered there. The big village was full of people. I

took a seat at a table at the center of the cooperative comm

ittee office. “Are you here for a visit or for anything?” the com

mittee

official asked me. I said for a visit. “Are you here w

ith a paper or perm

ission letter?” he said. I said yes and handed them the letter.

“Your cooperative comm

ittee let you come here for a m

arriage. W

hy were you silent?” he asked me aggressively. I said I did not

3 A chief who was in charge of 2 to 3 villages during Lon Nol regim

e, equivalent to a rank lower than com

mune chief, responsible for creating Svay Tran. A group of Svay Tran was in charge by 10 dwellings,

equivalent to group chief nowadays. His father was M

e 50 Khnang, m

anaging 3 villages and creating around 70 Svay Tran.

2627

want to get m

arried yet. “Now, look at m

y girls. I have hundreds of girls here. W

hich one do you love?” he said. I sat there thinking of m

y father who had wished for you and m

e to get married since

early 1975. If I agreed with him

, I would not be able to realize my

father’s last wish, so I rejected. “T

he girl I have to marry is a girl in

Kam

pong Ko cooperative, not a girl in K

bal Thnal cooperative.”

I said. “I have a lot of girls here. Why do you need to m

arry a girl in K

ampong K

o cooperative?” he asked. “I am in love w

ith a girl in K

ampong K

o cooperative.” I said, so he said it was fine, and he took out a piece of paper and w

rote with red ink that “Please,

Com

rade Nhorn (K

ampong K

o cooperative comm

ittee), help arrange a m

arriage for Com

rade Long Chhoeurm

and a girl named

Oem

Sameth.”

C: A

t that time, we could not avoid the m

arriage because the Angkar forced us. As you know, I used to tell you at that tim

e that I did not hate you and you did not hate m

e. If I was not forced at that tim

e, I would not want to get married, but we were forced

and we had no choice but to marry each other. Although we were

forced to get married, I was able to choose to m

arry you.

S: You m

ight not remem

ber at that time that I was displaced

from the city by Pol Pot, and I was displaced again when I had

not finished building a hut. I went to the west (through National

Road N

o. 5), but your father came to ask m

e to marry you, and

I did not even know you. I also felt nostalgia for your father. He

asked me to m

arry before he lost his sight so that he could see his son got m

arried. Who knew shortly after that he was killed by

the Pol Pot. I felt nostalgia, and that was why I agreed to marry

you in order for him to rest in peace.

C: M

arry me in order for him

to rest in peace?

S: It could be said either because I wanted him to rest in peace or

because of the pressure of Pol Pot. At that time, I was educated, and

I thought whether I should I marry som

eone who was educated too, but if I m

arry someone like that, we could be killed by the Pol

Pot. Thus, I decided to m

arry you because you were a farmer, and

they would not suspect or kill us. I agreed to follow the order of Angkar. M

oreover, I was threatened that if I did not get married I

would be sent to work in bomb transporting unit, so I was forced

to agree. Honestly speaking, if I tried to struggle for another two

or three months, I would be able to avoid the forced m

arriage.

We m

utually agreed to be silent…

S: We were the last couple to get m

arried during that regime. If

they did not threaten to send me to bom

b transporting unit, I w

ould not get married. I was not bottom

-heartedly willing to get

married. After we got m

arried, we were allowed to go to live in a house in the east part of the cooperative. D

uring the wedding, each of us was given a scarf to cover our neck. I just followed what they said. I did not even know how your face was like because I did not dare to look at you. W

e made a vow because we were

ordered to do so. I was facing down while m

aking the vow. What

did they make us vow?

C: At that tim

e, they made m

e raise my hand up and vow that “I

swear to marry C

omrade O

em Sam

eth as my life partner. If I did

not live with her or abandon her after the m

arriage, I give my life

to Angkar.”

2829

S: Oh! You did say that. I did not. M

ostly, men were ordered to

say more than wom

en. I was just saying “I swear to marry this

man.” I only said that as they forced m

e to.

C: W

e did not change and followed the path directed by Angkar.

S: After the wedding, we walked hom

e, and you were walking in front of m

e. At home, we just slept together like brother and sister.

I did not dare to do anything to let the Anagkar know, or we would be killed, so we were forced to sleep silently even if we were not getting along well. You did not know that when I opened the door to get out of our hut, I saw a solider in m

ilitary clothing. I did not know since when he had been there. W

hen I was single, there w

ere also some soldiers spying on m

e like that, so I tried to do anything in order not to give them

a chance to accuse me of anything.

C: W

e agreed with each other that we had to be silent at that tim

e. T

he first thing we had to do was to be silent no matter whether we

would get along well or not because we all knew that during that

regime, controlling our m

outh was the most im

portant thing. We

acted as if we were dumb to protect our lives. You rem

ained virgin for quite a long period of tim

e after our marriage. To be honest,

I really admired you. I thought if we did not consum

mate, other

lady comrades could accidentally told the cadres that you did not

love me, and I could be killed.

I started to look at you as my husband because

of the good thing you did...

S: I was the same. W

hen we did not get along, you would run to your m

other’s house in Raing K

esey at that time. M

y elder sister

asked me where you had gone. I said I did not know. “H

ow could husband and w

ife not know each other?” she asked. She started to suspect that we did not get along well. She told m

e that if we did not get along, we could be killed, but I tried to be silent.

C: W

hen we were living together, you did not know why I always w

ent out at that time. I went to a place around 600 m

eters from

our hut to thresh rice.

S: Oh! H

ow would I dare to ask you because I was afraid there was reconnoiter around there.

C: I went to thresh rice, not to cheat on you, but I was lazy to tell

you. I had some unpolished rice, so I packed som

e for my m

other.

S: That was why you always went out, and I was curious about

where you were going. I did not dare to ask you because I was afraid that the unit chief or the group chief would know. T

hey might

think you wanted to run aw

ay, and you could be re-educated (killed). I was really afraid of the word “re-educated”. Som

eone who was brought for re-education would be gone forever, so I tried to be silent.

C: I secretly brought rice to m

y mother at that tim

e. I did not go through the road. I went through forest to avoid them

. I also passed by the place where the reconnoiters were violently abusing the people in the sam

e cooperative, but I did not know them. I

tried to avoid those places after I had seen that. I brought rice for m

y mother and cam

e back. I did not abandon you.

S: You might not rem

ember one thing. I started to look at you

3031

as my husband because of the good things you did toward m

e. W

henever you got rice, you always gave it to me without hesitation.

You cut the trousers, dug land, and made wooden pestles. You did

the work without hesitation.

C: I rem

ember.

S: We usually pounded the rice and w

innowed it at night. Then,

we cooked it in a Kam

el. It was called Kam

el, not pan. When the

reconnoiters came and saw it, we told them

that we were boiling som

e water. I stated to realize that we shared mem

orable mom

ents together and that we could live together because you treated m

e well. Another thing I rem

embered was that one day I was ordered to

shovel soil. When I cam

e back I saw some w

ild Krakhub (a kind of

fruit) on my backpack. I was thinking who put them

there because w

e could hardly get any fruit during that regime. I knew it m

ust be you, but I did not dare to ask you. T

hat was why I started to feel sym

pathetic for you and agreed to consumm

ate until we got two children. W

e have lived together with understanding and

forgiveness since then, and we together have built a happy family

out of nothing.

Children w

ere our biggest mental support…

S: After the 7 January 1979 liberalization, we have got two children. You understood m

e. Whenever I got m

orning sickness, you cared about m

e and tried to find fishes for me to eat. You had changed

a lot because you see me as your w

ife, your children’s mother.

After the Vietnam

ese liberalization, it came to the K5. D

o you rem

ember that you never stayed at hom

e at that time. I always

prayed for you. Sometim

e, I thought you could have died of land m

ine at K5. I had not heard of you for two month after you had

gone to K5. Because we did not have telephone at that time, I

could only see you when you came back hom

e. Children were m

y m

ental support. I learned to stay stronger than before. As you had gone to the arm

y at K5, and if I let my em

otion put me dow

n, w

hat would happen to our children. Whenever I thought of this,

I would becom

e as strong as a man and continue m

y work. We

did farming before you went to K5. After you left, I had to go to

teach and bring the children to school. During harvesting season,

I had to harvest, and I asked the students in class to help me w

ith harvesting.

C: I really adm

ired you. I used to think that women could not

do anything, but when I went back home, you helped m

e a lot. I adm

ired how you tried to endure the difficult time. For m

e, when I went to K5, I could not fall asleep for ten nights. I kept thinking of you who had to teach and thinking of m

y mother who was old

and not helping her. I kept thinking that I could not fall asleep.

S: You were worried, but I thought I was strong enough. I have to brag about m

yself because no one brag about me (laughing while

speaking). We had experienced a lot of things which m

ade stay strong. M

oreover, our two children were my biggest m

ental support.

C: I have to tell you som

ething that I never told you before. When I

was in K5 in Pailin, there were a lot of people from M

aung Reussey D

istrict, Sangke District, Ek Phnom

District, Battam

bang District,

and many other districts. I saw m

any people lost their arms or

legs. Some died, while som

e survived. I always thought that I came

3233

here and left my w

ife at home, what if one day m

y bone ash was brought to m

y wife or m

y wife was told that I had lost m

y legal and was hospitalized. Let m

e tell you the truth without feeling

ashamed. I dug a hole for toilet near the place I was sleeping. I

did it because I was afraid that I would get sick. I had to take care of m

yself. When we went to the house of K

hmer Rouge people,

other soldiers tried to look for items and took them

all. I did not do that because I was afraid of land m

ine. I had seen many died or got

injured because of land mines when they tried to take som

ething from

those houses. I prayed for myself. I needed to be alive to

come back to see m

y wife and children.

If I leaned on the idea of “wom

en belong near the kitchen stove”, I w

ould not be who I am

today.

S: If I leaned on the idea of “women belong near the kitchen stove”,

I would not be who I am

today. I would not have got a job and created a fam

ily, and my daughters would not be able to get a job.

Now, wom

en are given access to education and opportunity to do business. N

ot only our family and relatives, our com

munity also

gives us the opportunity to access to education and to involve in any w

orks, either social or private. Both men and wom

en can involve. In our generation, we had to ask for our parents’ perm

ission to go to school. T

he society at that time discrim

inated women or did

not value women, but now it is different. I want a society in which

wom

en are given high value and men and wom

en are equal in respect of job and incom

e. Men and wom

en should get the same

income for the sam

e job. Moreover, I want a society w

ith equality

in respect of work, opinion sharing, and leadership. For example,

if men can be nom

inated as a comm

une chief, women should be

entitled to be nominated as well. W

omen have the right to be a

leader.

In our children’s generation, we did not

force them to get m

arried…

S: In choosing a couple, when there is a man or his fam

ily came

to propose to us, I would ask my daughters if they agreed. If they

said they did not want to get married yet, it m

eant they did not like the m

an. If they liked him, they would be silent. W

e did not force them

in choosing their couple.

C: It depended on their ow

n heart.

S: In our children’s generation, we did not force them

to get m

arried. Now, children will not m

arry someone they do not like.

Unlike before, people said “cakes are not bigger than the basket”.

Now, people are opened to choose a m

an or woman they love. I

felt very sad when I heard the Khm

er traditional wedding song and the wishes from

the wise man, and saw the wrist tying cerem

ony and throw

ing of Phka Sla during our daughter’s wedding. I felt

so touching. I could not imagine how happy I would be if I could

get this kind ceremony in m

y wedding. Our daughters were not

forced to do anything. They got a job they wanted and m

arried the person they loved, and their w

edding was arranged w

ith traditional cerem

onies.

3435

C: I also felt sad but happy because there were hundreds and

thousands of guests attending my daughters’ weddings.

I allowed m

y daughters to go to school…

S: I thought although it was difficult I had to send my children to

school, and my daughters m

ade me satisfied. I allowed m

y daughter to go to school. I did not follow

the old traditional thinking because I had experienced the prohibition of girls from

going to school during Lon N

ol regime and the forced m

arriage during K

hmer Rouge regim

e.

C: Before, girls were not allowed to go to school. O

nly boys were allowed to. I want to ask if you have ever been afraid when you sent our daughters to school. Like the older generations, they were afraid that girls would learn to w

rite French or English letters to their love ones.

S: No, I have never thought that way. As I said, we have been

through many generations, and w

hen it comes to our children,

we have to let them do what they want, such as going to school or

working. M

y eldest daughter wanted to be a teacher, but we did not have the capacity. W

e were only able to let her get a qualification in prim

ary school teacher. She wanted to go to Phnom Penh to

take an exam for higher education teacher or university lecturer,

but we did not have enough money even though we had tried our

best. However, we still encouraged them

that “You should go [for a prim

ary school teach qualification] first. Try to achieve this step and then the next.” N

ow, she is achieving her dream. She is studying

even though she is married. At first, she finished high school.

Then, she pursued a degree in teaching for secondary education

until she became a secondary school teacher. N

ow, she is pursuing a M

aster Degree in Literature which is her dram

. My younger

daughter was also like that. “Mom

, my sister is a teacher, and her

husband is also a teacher, so I should become a physician” she

said. We did not force her, and she has becom

e a physician. Now,

she wants to pursue a Bachelor D

egree in Midw

ife. That w

as why I said they would be successful in what cam

e from their heart.

C: U

nfortunately, there was no university in Battambang. T

he universities were in Phnom

Penh, which was far from hom

e, so it costed us a lot of m

oney. If the university had been created at that tim

e, it would not be difficult for us to send them to school. T

hat is why we should not force them

. Wom

en should be allowed to go to school, and they should not be threatened as in our generation.

S: I felt pity for my daughter, because she was forced to do what

she did not like. She was forced to take a degree in primary school

teacher because we did not have the capacity to support her for a higher degree. She did not like it, but now she has becom

e a secondary school teacher, and she likes it. O

ur daughters got the job they want and the husband they love.

C: As we used to discuss, we were living under pressure, so we had

to give our children rights. You used to tell me that “I am

educated, and now I have two daughters. I m

ust let them get higher education

than me.”

S: So you still remem

ber my words.

3637

We w

ere willing to struggle for our children’s sake…

C: Even if I was a farm

er, I tried to do other work to earn money

to support you. Remem

ber the time when they recruited teachers. I

did not go for that because I felt ashamed because I did not study

much. I let you go for it, and I did farm

ing.

S: Yes, we were poor at that time in 1980.

C: In 1980, I went to thresh w

ild rice and pounded it into rice and cooked for our children. W

e agreed that we were willing to

sacrifice and struggle for our children’s sake. We had to send them

to school.

S: I started to work as a teacher. I thought if my husband left I

must try to raise m

y children even if I was poor. After I delivered the children, I taught them

to be strong as their mother. I was

opened minded. I gave m

y children the opportunity to be educated even if they were girls, and I allowed them

to choose their own

couples, but they had to bring their partners for me to see. I would

allow them to get m

arried if I was satisfied. Now, they are working.

When they com

e to the marriageable age, they are

responsible for themselves…

S: I think parents and victims of forced m

arriage should no longer use the word “force” in this era. T

he next generation should not be forced to do anything, such as getting a job or getting m

arried, and they should be given the opportunity to choose by them

selves.

C: For m

e, I want to urge those in my generation or older genera-

tions, who were subject to forced marriage, to open up their m

ind and to not force their children like the way they were forced by the Angkar. W

e should give our sons and daughters freedom. N

ormally,

when a boy and a girl love each other, they will tell their parents. T

hen the boy’s fam

ily will com

e to make a proposal to girl’s fam

ily, and they w

ill get married according to the tradition. At a m

arriageable age, they should be responsible for them

selves, so we should give them

the chances to choose. We should not force them

like the Pol Pot did.

C: […

] There are a lot of couples who get divorced because of

forced marriage and cause trouble to their fam

ily. Therefore, we

should not force them as forced m

arriage could result in divorce and m

any other problems, such as suicide. T

he ones who suffer from

these consequences will be the parents because they forced

them.

S: It was like in our generation, we spent a very long time to accept

each other.

C: W

e spent a very long time. Forcing m

arriage is very dangerous, and it has no advantage. A dissatisfied forced m

arriage could seriously affect our fam

ilies and our nation. As I always said, if som

eone loves our daughter and proposes a marriage and our

daughter agrees, we should let them m

arry without caring if that

man is poor or black. I used to tell you that.

3839

N

ame: RY H

UN

Age: 58

Living in D

oem Roka village, K

hna Totoeung comm

une, Bakan district, Pursat Province

H

aving five children, two sons and three daughters

H

aving five siblings: four brothers and a sisterM

rs. RY HU

N

HA

PPINESS O

CC

UR

S WH

EN

WE G

IVE VA

LUES

EAC

H O

THER

4041

M

y name is Ry H

un, aged 58. Nowadays, I live in D

oem

Roka village, K

hna Totoeng comm

une, Bakan district, Pursat province. I have five children, two sons and three girls. All four children got m

arried except the youngest one. The eldest child

lives in Battambang province and other three children are in

Thailand. T

hey all can speak Thai. M

y youngest one speaks Thai

very well but I cannot speak Thai.

Talking about My M

other’s Story Who Tried H

ard to R

aise Her C

hildren …

In Lon N

ol regime, m

y father was a soldier at Beong Khna,

Svay Daun K

eo and my m

other was living in the same village w

ith m

y father. I have five siblings. I am the fourth and the only girl.

They got divorced since we were young because m

y father had another w

ife and he abandoned my m

other and us completely. W

e m

et in Pol Pot regime in 1975. H

is second wife also lived in the

same village but m

y father had never come back to live w

ith my

mother. I don’t live w

ith my father but I still called him

as father. I still respected him

even though we had never lived together.

After m

y father divorced my m

other, her life was in a terrible hardship, as she had nothing w

ith her. She had to look after the children and at the sam

e time catch the fish by using a basket. She

had the only clothes she was wearing. My father had never cam

e to us or cared for the fam

ily because he had another wife. W

hen m

y father was a soldier, my m

other had never gotten any money

from his salary and she had never dem

anded any things, too. He

beat my m

other with firewood, leaving m

arks on her head until

her dying day. I don’t want to talk about my m

other’s story, but it kept popping up in m

y head (getting emotional).

For housework before K

R regime, m

y four brothers worked harder than m

e, as I was the only girl in the family. T

hey loved m

e, never beat me and never scolded m

e. My m

other loved me

and my father loved m

e even more. U

nfortunately, he became a

different person. He loved children but he had never taken care

of the family. H

e just enjoyed his life and walked away from his

wife and children. M

ost men in the village were not like him

. He

had been flirtatious since he was young. My m

other told me that

‘your father was flirtatious. He had girls everywhere he went to.’

My father only thought about him

self and he had never thought of the fam

ily’s need. He just carefree. Som

etimes, I got angry that

he had never given money to m

e or to my m

other, but then I stopped being angry as I still think he is m

y father. It’s normally

that children generally has a feeling of anger to the father but then I im

mediately feel norm

al.

D

uring KR regim

e, I did not go to school due to the escape from

from bullets. I could not read any words as I have never

been to school. But my younger brother w

as cleverer than me.

My younger and older brothers went to school, except m

e.

In Lon N

ol regime, I was evacuated to Veal Trapeang Andeng,

Dam

nak Thnung village to escape fire exchanges since the soldiers w

ere disturbing the village and forced villagers to Veal Trapeang A

ndeng. Before controlling of KR in 1975, I was living at Veal

Trapeang A

ndeng with m

y youngest brother while w

e were

separated from other brothers. O

ne of the brothers had a wife in

4243

Pursat province and he was later killed. My father was about to

get killed too, but he had managed to escape to Battam

abang province. H

e had to go through Svay Daun K

eo the south road to K

eo Sa-art pagoda and to Battambang province. H

e survived the killing attem

pted by the KR

.

LIFE UN

DER

KR

REG

IME

D

uring KR regim

e, I was living in Khna Totoeng, working

to build farming dikes and to harvest the rice and wearing ragged

clothes. The waistband was full w

ith hidden crabs, snails and fish. I w

as nervously quivering when I was ordered to get in the queue and got searched and got everything confiscated, and I didn’t dare to claim

anything back. We did not have any laundry detergent

to clean ourselves, so everyone smelt extrem

ely fishy. We only

used Anchanh’s leaf [a kind of tree leaf which can be used for washing hair] to clean our hair.

D

uring KR regim

e, most wom

en in the country did not know what m

enstruation was like. Most of those who had children were

those base people with enough foods to eat and were the w

ives of K

R comrades. I got m

arried in Pol Pot regime before I had

my first period. I did not know what m

enstruation was like. My

first period was when I was at 18 or 19 years old. When I had m

y first period, I went to m

y mother and asked her, ‘m

other, look, w

hy I am bleeding so m

uch?’ During that tim

e, parents did not tell their children about this as it is thought that it is secret and m

ysterious thing.

4 grandmas were those old and weak wom

en, who were tasked by the KR to look after little children

K

ids who aged at tw

o or three years old were com

pleted separated from

their mothers. T

hey were taken care by grandmas 4

while the m

others’ task was to go to work without bothering to

take care of their children. In the evening after work, the mothers

went to have dinner before com

ing to take their children to sleep w

ith and brought them back to the grandm

as who would take care of everything. W

hen they were sick, the children were sent to hospital; som

e kids had their mother to look after, while

others did not have their mothers and som

etimes died alone at the

hospital. No one was responsible for anyone else, at all. C

hildren w

ere asked to cut Tontreang Khet [A sm

all plant grows in forests

and it is made as useful fertilizer]. O

ld people were made to take

care of children; to plant wax gourds, pumpkins, beans, cucum

bers; or to pull and transplant the seedlings. For m

e, I was taken away from

my parents and m

y siblings, and was made to work in a m

obile unit, which I had to dig canals, build farm

ing dikes and so on.

[…] ‘I am

comm

itted to take you as my couple for life’

I w

as forced to get married when I was 15 years old, in early

1977. First I was transferred to Veal Trapeang Andeng in Dam

nak K

anseng village, but when I was forced to get m

arried, I was m

oved to Khna Totoeng village. I was invited to attend a m

eeting, but I was then told to prepare for the wedding on the next day. I dared not refuse against the regim

e’s law. I was distributed a shirt and a pair of pants. T

he wedding was arranged for 15 couples.

W

e were told to get into the queue and they had the name

list which was well prepared, and we could not get anyone as we

4445

wished. T

he cooperative comm

ittee were matching the couples.

In some places, the m

en made request for the ones they loved.

After the clothes had been distributed, we were m

ade to speak. I said that,

‘I am

comm

itted to take you to be my couple for life.’

T

hen they counted one, two, three for us to take each other’s hand. W

hen the man reached out his hand to take m

ine, I thought, ‘if I don’t take his hand, I w

ill be surely killed,’ so I just took his hand. Actually, I did not know anything about that; I didn’t know w

hat to do with a husband. I did not even have a period at that

mom

ent. My couple was also m

y relative […]

After the wedding, I felt nervous and frightened all the tim

e. At night, we were told to go to sleep in the house prepared for us at the west of K

hna Totoeng. My m

other-in-law used a curtain as a partition and prepared a m

at for us, but I went to sleep in a ham

mock. It was hard to fall asleep. W

hen I fell asleep, my husband

who already laid the m

at woke me up and said, ‘com

e down and

sleep here.’ When I woke up, I kept w

ipe my face w

ith a scarf. Oh…

m

y God, how could I go to sleep near a m

an like that! I did not know

what to do. He put his hand on m

y chest, which made m

y heart beat so heavily, m

y face become pale. T

hen he whispered to m

y ear, ‘don’t worry, I won’t do anything.’ Because we were rela-tives and he knew that I was too young, we did not consum

mate

until separation. I went back to my m

obile unit and he went back to work w

ith children, leading the children to cut Tontreang Khet.

[…

] During night tim

e at about 8 pm, there were m

ilitia spying underneath the house. M

y partner did not talk a lot and because of m

e, he told me not talk at night, just sleep. T

here were not m

any militia in m

y village, as they tended to guard more in

Kroch Saech village. M

y husband did not mistreat m

e because we w

ere relatives. He was kind, had been a m

onk and would tell me

to keep quiet and just acted as husband and wife.

H

e had never forced or beat me since the first day of m

arriage. H

e had put up with that situation for a fairly long time, but anyway

I had to be with m

y mobile unit too. W

e consumm

ated when

I came to sleep at the west of the river. It w

as when m

y mother

came and asked m

e about that. Then she told m

e to agree with

him. So I followed m

y mother’s advice. For the first night of the

wedding, he only hugged m

e and put his hands on my chest and

did not consumm

ate. If something had happened that night and

I screamed, m

ilitia would have killed us already. O

verall, if couples agreed w

ith each other to stay quiet, they tended to be able to live together.

A

fter we consum

mated, w

e had to get separated again. I went to work in the canal in the east. It was then that I started to m

iss and love my husband. I went to m

eet my husband at Veal

Trahen, but I did not stay there. When I returned to work, I could

not complete m

y work. So I was placed in intervention unit as punishm

ent because I did not ask for leave when I went to find my

husband. Under that intervention unit, I was m

ade to work until 12 pm

, while normally, people finished at 11 am

to eat porridge.

4647

STRU

GG

LE AFTER

KR

REG

IME

M

y mother passed away in 20 years ago, before m

y kid, C

hhay, was born. Now C

hhay is 20 years old. My father did not

even attend my m

other’s funeral, as he reasoned that it would

cost him m

oney to attend. It would be hard time talking about

my parent’s story, it m

ay be more difficult than talking about K

R regim

e; however, I am not angry w

ith him as he is m

y father. For others, we can get angry w

ith them, but not m

y own father.

He passed away about a year ago. W

hen he died, I attended his funeral too. For his latter w

ife, I also respect her as a mother too. She

has two children. We also have a friendly relationship with each other.

Having another w

oman is a m

ental violence on the w

ife

[…

] My husband and I broke up because of the love charm

m

agic spell in 1979. He had another wom

an. Someone tried to

get him separated from

me, which m

ade us part way forever. His

latter mother-in-law

kept inviting him to eat m

eals and sleep at her house. M

y mother-in-law loved m

e very much, so it is his new

wife’s fam

ily who tried to get him. M

y mother-in-law tried to per-

suade him to com

e back to me but to no avail. […

] My form

er hus-band was very tall and good-looking. I knew that the wom

an got love charm

magic spell perform

ed over him, as I was clearly told

by the neighbors and even the woman’s relative told m

e that, ‘you know, the reason why that wom

an is harvesting thatch these days is to get intim

ate with your husband.’ T

hat was the reason why I knew about this.

As soon as I learnt that m

y husband had that woman, I left

home and went to stay w

ith my m

other, without asking him

any questions. I was so furious that I did not care about any of the property including rice fields. I cam

e to my m

other. He did not

argue with m

e. Later, I thumb-printed the divorce docum

ent. I did not dem

and for any property. I just walked away with a pair of

golden earrings I was wearing (one chi). I left because I was extremely

furious and I have never wanted anything from him

until today.

T

he reason why I got furious was: if he had a new woman, it

means he hated m

e. So I just left. It reminded m

e the fact that my

father had another woman and left m

y mother. N

ow my husband

did exactly the same. If he had wanted a long-term

future with m

e, we would not have done so. I had lived w

ith him for a year and did

not have any children. Regarding menstruation, it took m

e three, four or five m

onths to menstruate, which did not m

ake me look

healthy, but deathly pale. When I left m

y husband, my m

other said, ‘m

y girl, if he has a new wom

an, we can’t do anything. Just forget him

.’ I responded, ‘I won’t m

iss him. H

ow can I m

iss a person who has another wom

an?’ My m

other was furious but she could not say anything because her husband had another wom

an and now her son-in-law had another wom

an too. She told me to let

it be and said that we were finished now. Her only daughter can’t

even have a formal m

arriage.

I think a husband who has another wom

an is disreputable. It is a m

ental violence. This kind of m

an keeps changing woman

when he sees a prettier woman.

4849

“It was like betraying someone in order to be honest with

someone else.”

W

hen he has enough with someone, he m

oves on to another one, without being honest. It really hurts wom

en. At that mom

ent, I felt I was nothing and cheap. I feel very unfortunate to have gone through this kind of experience, especially when I see people getting a proper wedding cerem

ony. I am very rem

orseful.

My m

arriage with the latter husband did not

follow a traditional cerem

ony either

It was a one-m

orning offering to the ancestors’ spirit. After getting divorced w

ith the husband arranged by the KR regim

e, I got rem

arried some tim

e later.

H

is parents came to propose properly, but because we were

poor, we just organize a one-morning offering to the ancestors’

spirit. He was totally single and was not forced to get m

arried in K

R regime. I was w

idowed, but he did not believe that as I looked so beautiful at that tim

e. He did not m

ind if I was a widow, as he

did not believe that.

[…

] Violence had started during my third pregnancy. W

hen I gave birth to m

y third child, I did not have even a can of rice and m

y husband was getting drunk. My aunt brought rice for m

e. W

hen the baby was born at about 9 o’clock, I did not have fire to w

arm m

yself. My husband threw m

e away, but my good K

arma

saved me as I got attached to the nails at the stairs. H

e beat me

until I got black bruises all over my face. Everyone was so surprised

to witness that occurrence, as they cam

e home during Pchum

B

en festival. He was fine when we had the first and the second

children. But he started to mistreat m

e during my third pregnancy,

when he started to drink alcohol, to m

istreat me until m

y health got overwhelm

ingly deteriorated. It was because of alcohol which he lost all the control.

W

hen the third kid was young, I often ran away from hom

e. Som

etimes, the house’s door was locked so I could not enter, which

meant I had to sleep under the house. If I m

anaged to get into the house, I would be beaten up. H

e did not help with anything; he

would just drink wine all the tim

e. Sometim

es he made m

e go out to buy w

ine for him even at 12 o’clock m

idnight. When I returned

home without wine for him

, he was sure to beat me up. This violence

perpetuated until the kids were big and got married and had

children. It has just been better this year (2017); it is better that I don’t have to go to hospital after he beat m

e. I think I am fortunately

at this old age, as he does not mistreat m

e any more now.

H

e was taken to the police office, but it had no effect. I think it was m

y bad Karm

a. I tried to get divorced but I did not succeed. I asked him

for a divorce, but he did not agree. Law could not help w

ith anything too. I chased him to get lost; he still appeared at

home. I ran out of ideas.

W

hen my husband used violence, all m

y children helped me.

Sometim

es when he got drunk and want to beat me, the children

picked up the carrying stick to warn him and to prevent him

from

using violence on me and they told their father not to use violence.

Then he would stop. W

hen my husband and I were arguing, m

y

5051

children all crying loudly all over the house. Once in a while when

he beat me, I resisted and beat him

with a frying turner. T

here was one tim

e that his head was cut as a result of my resistance. W

hen he w

as twisting m

y head and bent it downward, the frying tuner

fell off and I grabbed it and hit him hard. I started to resist just

recently, after I got so fed up enduring.

N

o matter how m

uch he beat me, I still don’t run away from

hom

e. But I would not tolerate if he has another woman. I would

surely ran away from hom

e because I had gone through this kind of experience when m

y ex-husband had another woman, and m

y father had another wom

an and left from m

y mother too. M

y latter husband was obsessed in drinking alcohol and m

istreating his wife

and children. I was so angry. But his good point is that he has never betrayed m

e or had another woman or left from

wife and children.

He has never done so. Even when we did not have a grain of rice

left at home, he would still rem

ain at home w

ith us. It is that good point that I love about him

. And now he has changed for the better.

N

ow, when my neighbors are drinking alcohol at m

y house, m

y husband said to them, ‘you should stop drinking w

ine, like m

e, I stop now. No m

atter how much you drink, it is never good

for you. If you stop, it is good. If you still do it, we can’t befriend anym

ore.’ This is what he gave advice to them

.

My fam

ily are united, we listen to each other

and we educate each other …

W

hen violence existed in my fam

ily, the living condition got sharply dum

ped. The children failed in the study and my youngest

child only reached 7th grade. It was miserable for m

y children w

hen their father did nothing and he was just drinking wine and

caused troubles. Fortunately, my daughter could still focus on her

study, whereas a lot of people could not concentrate well on their study while in such situations. Later, when we were untied, the living condition got im

proved. Nowadays, m

y husband has made

a lot of progresses as he can start discussing business ideas with

me. H

e now exchanges labor with other in raising cow

s to share m

utual benefits. As a result, my children has progressed well too.

In the past, it was the opposite. When I asked him

to work in exchange for wages, he refused; he just let m

e do it alone. Nowadays,

I take care of my grandchildren and he goes out and work to m

ake som

e money, which he gives m

e some. Even if I don’t go to work,

his wages can still pay for food and we have some saving. In the

past, I never have any saving. All was wasted on wine. Just a waste

of labor.

A

fter my husband stopped using violence, m

y neighbors started to love m

e and admire m

e, even the monks and elder

wom

en serving Buddhism at C

hhouk Sar pagoda have expressed solem

n approval for that too. It is so great that my husband stopped

using violence. Now everyone adm

ires my fam

ily.

I w

ould like to send my words to other victim

s of domestic

violence, especially the arguing couple to please stop this kind of argum

ent, to not be like me. T

here was violence in my fam

ily but w

e are now united, we listen to each other and we educate each other. W

e are good now. We don’t use violence any m

ore. ‘For those who argue or use violence like what happened in m

y family,

5253

please stop for the sake of our family’s living condition and for

the future of our children and grandchildren’.

In the past, I could never be able to im

agine what my future

would look like, but now I could, because my husband stops using

violence and he has changed for the better. He stopped drinking

wine. H

e seeks progresses. ‘Please don’t follow this footstep of my

past. Couples should respect, and listen to, each other.’

My children are not forced to get m

arried and they all have good couples …

N

owadays, m

y four children are married, except one, and I

have five grandchildren. All their marriages were voluntary, not by

forced. However, their wedding cerem

ony were not the complete

traditional ceremony, as we just organized a one-m

orning celebra-tion because we did not have m

oney.

For the younger’s w

edding, they had the wedding m

usic, w

hereas we could not afford it for the first and the second

daughters. Anyway, they were not disappointed about this; they seem

ed to be satisfied as they said, ‘nothing we could do; just

follow our K

arma.’ Eventually they have better life. […

] My

children selected their own partner, w

hich I think came from

their good m

erits. Though there w

as not complete w

eeding cerem

ony, they seem to live happy life w

ith their husband. They

have never caused any troubles to the parents.

T

hey go to work in Thailand, leaving their children for m

e to take care. Before they left hom

e for work, they sat down on the

floor, bending their legs, paying gratitude to their parents. They

love the parents and they love their mother m

ore. I have good children-in-law though I do not know what would happen in the future. But I can understand this one, who said to m

e, ‘just take care of yourself and stay healthy. I w

ill not make you do anything.’

She does not have a lot of money, but she know

s a lot of details.

I don’t do the farm

ing now. It is my eldest child who takes

care of this farming work. W

hen my children have m

oney, they kept it w

ith me. I used that m

oney to buy farming land for them

. N

ow they have one hectare of land each. Four children have gone to w

ork in Thailand. T

he one in Cam

bodia has never made m

e w

orried. Sometim

es even when they could not manage to com

e back hom

e from Thailand, they transferred m

oney to me. N

owadays, I have enough to eat. It is not as m

iserable as before.

“My fam

ily is united, we listen to each other, and w

e educate each other. W

e stop using violence”.

5455

N

ame: LO

ENG

YANN

Living at Thm

a Keo Village, Svay C

hrum com

mune,

Rolea B'ier district, Kompong C

hhnang Province

H

aving four siblings

H

aving a son

BEIN

G A

BU

SEDI D

ID N

OT G

ET MA

RR

IED A

GA

IN

[AS I W

AS] A

FRA

ID O

F

Mrs. LO

ENG

YANN

5657

I DID

NO

T GET M

AR

RIED

A

GA

IN [A

S I WA

S] AFR

AID

O

F BEIN

G A

BU

SED

My nam

e is Leong Yan. I was born in Thm

a Keo village,

Svay Chrum

comm

une, Rolea B’ier district, Kam

pong Chhnang

province. I have been living in this village since Sangkum Reastr

Niyum

regime. I have always lived here. I have four siblings, two

sisters and two brothers, and I am the eldest, but two of m

y siblings died, only two left.

LIFE BEFO

RE K

HM

ER ROU

GE R

EGIM

E

Because my fam

ily was quite rich, all my siblings were able

to go to school. My m

other was a Khnher or Phnuong 5 and my

father was a musician. They never had any prejudice. They allowed

their children to go to school. If the children did not go to school, they w

ould beat them and told them

not to quit. Especially m

y mother, she said that “I was illiterate, so I would not let m

y children be illiterate like m

e”. Every day, I went to school and did the housework when I got back from

school. I studied up to former

grade 10, equivalent to grade 3 nowadays. I could read and write.

Then, I quitted because the school was too far. After quitting for

one year, I went to do farming, and then I was evacuated by Pol

Pot regime.

D

uring Lon Nol regim

e, we had to do farming, but when

Lon Nol troops fought against the K

hmer R

ouge, they had transport bullets/shells and food to the front line for Lon N

ol troops. I did not go there very often, but m

y younger sister did. At that tim

e, our troops were called Senachun6. W

e had supply food and bullets/shells to them

. It appeared that we did it voluntarily, but we were actually forced to do so because if we did not do they would say that we did not cooperate. It was up to whatever they said.

D

uring Lon Nol regim

e, I had a house in this village (the current house) and another in K

hsam village. W

e built another house or hut in K

hsam village when we went there. I went to help

my grandm

other because she was old. I went there in day time

and came back hom

e at night. I rode a bicycle every day, and it seem

ed to take very short time to there. W

hen the Khm

er Rouge troops cam

e, on the way from m

y grandmother’s house to m

y house, I w

as stopped at the foothill and was forced by the Khm

er Rouge troops to go backward, so I went to live w

ith my grandm

other while m

y mother and younger brothers and sisters were living here.

We were evacuated to different places.

DU

RIN

G K

HM

ER RO

UG

E REG

IME

When the K

hmer R

ouge regime cam

e, I w

as 18 years old…

D

uring Pol Pot regime, I was living w

ith my grandm

other in K

ampong C

hhnang, while my m

other and my brothers and sisters

5 Khnher or Phnuong: local language refers to wedding m

ake-up and dressing service provider6 Senachun: village defense unit

5859

were living in this village. W

e were separated until 1976. I went to live in K

raing Leav. I remem

bered that the Khm

er Rouge

came in the m

orning. I was forced to move to Sre Veal village,

Sre Thm

ey comm

une. It was not far from

here, but we had

never met and never heard of each other. I only m

et my parents

when they went there to bring m

e back here in 1976 because m

y grandmother died.

M

y grandmother did not die of illness or abuse. W

e were forced to plant sweet potatoes and m

ill rice. After she died, I was forced to Sre T

hmey. T

here, I had to build big farm dikes. I went

to Boeng Po, Punlei, and came back to live in Prey K

hmer. T

hen, I m

et my m

other in a cooperative in Sre Veal, and they requested the cooperative to bring m

e back. I was happy when I met m

y m

other, but I kept thinking of my late grandm

other. [Thereafter,

I] lived with [m

y] parents.

My foot w

as cut by thorn and was inflam

ed for m

onths without any relatives by m

y side…

[A

t that time] M

y foot was cut by thorn, a very long thorn. It was only a sm

all cut, but it was inflamed for m

onths, and I was alone at that tim

e. No one took care of m

e, but a friend named

Tep Vanthon who lived nearby. Tep Vanthon w

as in the same

cooperative. I had not met m

y mother at that tim

e. He and his

parents took care of me, and Tep Vanthon alw

ays got some

porridge for me to eat. W

e ate porridge with Prang. Prang is like

Kduoch, but w

ith bigger trunks. It grows in m

ountain forests. Its bulbs are big, and its trunks are short. Before eating, we slice the bulb and soak it in water for three or four days to detoxify it.

Its bulb is as poisonous as Kduoch. If we do not detoxify it, we

will be poisoned, like K

duoch. No m

atter how it tasted like, we just considered as delicious because we had nothing to eat. T

hen, I have lived w

ith my parent forever. W

e were ordered to do farming

and plantation, to clear the forest, and to build the 1 Makara dam

and 20 O

usaphea dam.

In m

y area, either in harvest season or implanting season, we

only had porridge to eat. We never had any rice. W

e only had rice when there was a special event such as a m

eeting or big conference. T

he Com

mune chief or reconnoiters would com

e to gather every- one from

all villages in that comm

une to join the meeting. T

hen, w

e would have rice to eat. I rem

embered that in the m

eeting they only talked about the Pol Pot regim

e. They told us to work

hard

on farming in order to produce three tons of rice from

one hectare of land. T

hey indoctrinated us to work hard and not to think of the past (Lon N

ol regime).

T

hey separated between new people and base people and I could not even go back to m

y village (home tow

n). Even when I left the 20 O

usaphea dam building unit and went back to the

farm, I asked for perm

ission to go to see my village, but they did

not allow. My younger sibling was here looking after cow

s in 20 O

ussaphea and never came to the village. W

e could only walk outside the village, but could not walk into the village. W

e were not allowed to see the village because they did not allow us to cherish the past and to think of the place where we lived before. W

e, the new people from 17 April, were only allowed to work

hard, while they did not work as hard as we did. They let us do

the heavy work because they said that we were capitalists. They

6061

said we were rich, living comfortably, and never encountered any

difficulties, so they let us suffer as they did.

At the new place, we were ordered to do farm

ing, make

fertilizers, mill rice, and plant crops. I did not stay there for long.

Only m

y mother w

as there. All of m

y younger siblings were

separated to different units, and I was sent to river areas to plant crops, such as beans, eggplants, w

hite gourds. After harvesting,

the unit chief would transport them out. I had to stay the river

area for month, and when the water level went up I had to com

e up to the land to plant rice. I could not visit hom

e frequently when I w

as staying in the river area. I could only visit home once in five

or six months by asking for prior perm

ission.

At the wedding, they m

atched a partner for me…

At that tim

e, I was called up from the river to go back hom

e, and I was forced to m

arry when I arrived home. Actually, it would

be fine if I did not come even if I was asked to com

e. Another w

oman in the sam

e cooperative was called to come here too, but

she went back without telling me when she arrived the cooperative

and was told to get married. I did not know anything. T

here were two people (including m

e) came to the wedding place together.

We w

alked there and arrived in Kraing Leav in early evening.

There was an older lady who was in the sam

e cooperative going to visit there in the evening and cam

e back in the morning. She

also worked in fishery. She told us that we would be forced to get m

arried if we went there, but I did not listen to her. I could escape from

forced marriage if I listened to her and went back

to the unit, but I did not because I missed m

y parents and I had

been apart from them

for a long time, five or six m

onths. I could only see them

if I went to the wedding place. The m

orning after I arrived hom

e, the cooperative chief called for marriage. T

hey inquired everything. W

hen they asked my parents, I did not

know. My parents said that if we did not follow what they said,

we could disappear (be killed). They said,

“My daughter, follow what they said. I have nothing.

Without your grandm

other, I have only four children. W

hatever they said, just follow them.”

T

he wedding was held at around 2 pm on the next day. I

was matched w

ith a partner who I had never known. I only knew

when the ceremony started. T

here were five couples at that time. I

did not know who they were. We were separated after we left the

venue. During the wedding, m

en were standing in a row on one side, and wom

en on the other side. I got married in the K

raing Leav cooperative at the dining hall.

It was around 2 pm

. I did not have new clothes to wear. We

had to wear our own clothes, which were solvent since we did not

dare to wear them and had kept them

for a long time. I went to

the cooperative village without changing any clothes as they called

me. T

hey did not give me anything. W

hen we arrived the dining hall, they w

rote a vow for us to read and swear to marry each other

and to sleep with each other. At night, there were m

ilitia spying on us under the house or hut. I did not talk m

uch to my husband

because I was crying. I was feeling frightened and depressed. I could not say anything but kept crying. At that tim

e, some wom

en cried while som

e did not. Among the five wom

en from the five

6263

couples, only I and another younger woman cried, the other three

did not. We cried because it was too unbelievable that we did not

know anything. M

y parents and younger siblings also went to see the wedding, but all they could do was just to watch it.

After the wedding, we were allowed to go back hom

e, back to w

herever our hut was. My husband and I went to m

y parents’ house. M

y father went to work in construction unit, while my

mother went to work in harvesting unit, so only two of us were at

home. After two or three days, he went to work as a construction

worker with m

y father, and I went to the harvesting unit. During

the first night of our wedding, we noticed that there was someone

spying on us and listening to us to see whether we could get along or not. I was very scared at that tim

e. For my husband and m

e, we slept as norm

al. He [slept] on one side, and I slept on the other

side in the same hut. W

e did not have any quarrel. Around ten days later, m

y husband wanted to have sex with m

e, and he tore my

clothes off. My parents were not there. T

here were only two of us.

At first, he asked for m

y consent to have sex with him

, but I rejected. T

hen, he threatened me and tore off m

y clothes, but there was no spy at that tim

e. Later, a person in the same cooper-

ative asked what was happening that night. She kept asking again and again, so I told her the truth. She replied that it should not have been that way; a person who used to be a m

onk and was educated should not have done this. T

hat was all she said. My

husband had been a monk since he was 12 years old and was forced to

leave the monkhood during Pol Pot regim

e. He was well educated,

but it could not be imagined that he did this at that tim

e. As what people say, over-educated is a bad thing.

W

e lived together until I had a baby, and he was called to join the m

obile work brigade on a mountain. I stayed w

ith my m

other and younger siblings. W

e were separated 20 days after I delivered a baby, and we were ordered to go up the O

ral mountain area. It was

around 1979 at that time. T

he Vietnamese had com

e into Phnom

Penh. Thus, we did not live w

ith each other for a long time. It was

about 1-year period.

POST K

HM

ER RO

UG

E REG

IME

M

y son was born on 5 January 1979. A few days later I heard from

the radio at the hospital about the 7 January liberalization. It w

as like someone turning on a speaker, so I listened at 9 pm

at night. It was difficult when m

y son was born, but I got help from

my parents. M

y husband was called to go with the village comm

ittee and he had gone forever. O

nly my parents and m

y younger sisters/ b

rothers were there. My young brother/sister-in-law, currently

living on the northern part of the village, helped me carrying stuffs

when we were climbing up to the m

ountain area.

W

hen the Vietnam

ese came in, only three of m

y siblings (including m

e) were living together, m

y youngest sibling was

apart. We were expelled to the m

ountain area. We had nothing at

that time and alm

ost had nothing to eat. In day time, m

y younger siblings helped m

e carrying rice on their head. I could not go anyw

here. I only looked after my child. W

hen someone asked us

to help transporting rice for them, m

y younger siblings would do it, and I stayed at hom

e with m

y mother. I did not have m

uch milk

when the baby was just born because I did not have enough food

to eat.

6465

Later in 1979, after living on the m

ountain for two months,

I left the mountain, and m

y husband came later. I went back to

live in my house in the village because we were forced to go to

the mountain in Taom

Roleab Kuy D

istrict (Teuk Phos District

which is betw

een Kam

pong Chhnang Province and K

ampong

Speu Province). When m

y husband came, he asked m

e to go to live w

ith his family, but I refused. I said:

“While we were clim

bing up the mountain, I was sick, and the

baby was also sick. No one helped carrying the belongings but m

y younger siblings who helped carrying the woven m

at and carrying m

e. Now, we have endured the suffering, and you ask m

e to go. I’m

not going. I am afraid your parents are not as kind-hearted

as my parents and m

y younger siblings.”

He said if I refused to go w

ith him, we would have to divorce,

and I agreed to divorce.

I never get married again because I w

as afraid of being abused…

C

ome to think of it, it could be said that I did not love him

because when I delivered the baby, he did not help w

ith anything. T

hat was w

hy I decided to come to live w

ith my parents and

my younger brothers/sisters. Before we cam

e back home, we was

staying in Prasat Cheung Torng Pagoda. M

y son was sick at that tim

e, and my m

other and younger brothers/sisters kept seeking a sorcerer to cure him

. I only stayed at home and could not go

anywhere. My m

other always carried her grandson to the sorcerer for spiritual therapy. Later, when we cam

e back to live in this

house, I never talked to my husband even though som

etimes I m

et him

. We lived in villages close to each other, but he is dead now.

He died two or three m

onths ago, just recently.

It has been a long tim

e since I got divorced from m

y husband, but I have not got m

arried again because I was afraid that it would be like before, afraid that I would m

eet someone

who is not a kind-hearted person, and afraid of being abused, so

I have decided not to get married again. Even if there were people

coming to propose to m

e, I refused because the bad experiences kept com

ing to my m

ind.

W

hen my husband was sick, I was asked to visit him

, but I did not. I had not talked to him

even until he died. During his

funeral ceremony, I was asked to join too including m

y son and grandchild. At first, his step w

ife, relatives and my son asked m

e to attend the funeral, but I did not. It was until the village chief and com

mune chief cam

e to visit, and my son cam

e to convince me

again. They helped convince m

e, so I attended the funeral, and I was asked to scatter Leach – a kind of popped rice around.

I did not w

ant to attend the funeral because of anger. He

was around when my son was born, but during Pol Pot regim

e, he w

as ordered to go different places all the time, so I only had m

y m

other and my younger brothers/sisters by m

y side and taking care of m

e. Later, he was gone forever. When the son was two or

three years old, he met his father. W

hen he attended a meeting in

the village, the villagers kept telling him “T

his is your father, and this and that”. H

e asked me why his father did not live w

ith me. I

said because we had divorced and he would no longer live with us.

6667

My son called m

y younger brother, who lives in the north of the house, father, but he never called his father as father”.

Later, he has never asked me again. After divorce, m

y husband had a new w

ife but had no children. He had only one son w

ith me, but

since our divorce, he had never talked to his son and had never given him

even 100 Riel for going to school. M

y brothers/sisters and I tried to bring up m

y son and let him go to school. H

e is 38 years old now, and he has his ow

n family. H

e works as electrician in a factory in K

ampong C

hhnang. He has three children, one

daughter and two sons. My son finished G

rade 9. Nowadays, he

lives in another village, and I live in this village, but close to each other. H

e always brings the grandchildren to visit me when he has

free time. I rarely go to his village, but he visits m

e frequently. My

son loves me very m

uch.

W

henever I attend a wedding w

ith music and w

edding dressing, I alw

ays feel uncomfortable and fed up. T

hinking of the K

hmer R

ouge regime, I did not even have good clothes to

wear and proper wedding cerem

ony, and I did not even dare to ask for it because w

e were under their pressure. W

e were not

allowed to speak, and we did not dare to do anything at that time.

I felt regret and was crying during my son’s wedding because of

sympathetic feeling for m

yself. My son got m

arried because his parents-in-law, relative, grandparents and I introduced his w

ife to him

. It was also because he loved her after they knew each other.

As I m

entioned earlier, I think the same way as m

y parents did. T

hey thought they were illiterate, so they did not want their children to be illiterate like them

. And when it came to m

y son

and my nieces and nephew

s, I also thought this way. Even if I had difficulties, I sold this and that to support them

to study. I did not let them

quit unless they had no interest in studying and turned to do any business. T

herefore, all my nieces and nephew

s have got a bachelor degree, and they are all working now.

Even if I divorced m

y husband, I decided to live with m

y brothers/sisters, and we have depended on each other. N

ow, my

son has grown up, and I do not want to have another husband. If

talking about struggling, there were many difficulties, but I have

endured them. M

y younger sister and I make C

ambodian cake

for sale, and we do farming during rainy season. Before, I hired

others to plow, but now they all sow

rice seeds. If I transplant alone, it is a bit late because there is no m

uch water. Before, people m

ostly exchanged labor or took turns to help each other, unlike nowadays. I harvest by m

yself without using m

achine, then thresh w

ith a machine, but harvest by hand.

MESSA

GES FO

R NEX

T GEN

ERATIO

NS

I think choosing a partner now

adays is far better than the past because there is agreem

ent and consideration from everyone.

Unlike Pol Pot regim

e, we were forced to marry without even asking

us or our relatives at all. I would like to send a message to the next

generations, telling them not to follow our path because we did

not go through wedding tradition. You need proper traditional

ceremony in order to call a m

arriage. You need to be determined

and to preserve your honor. Do not be overw

helmed w

ith joy. Follow the tradition properly and try to consider what is right and what is w

rong before going anywhere.

6869

N

ame: TAE RY

Age: 66 years old

Ethnic: K

hmer-M

uslim

Two childen: one boy and one girl

Living in Boeung Tapream

village, Traey Koh comm

une, K

ampng Bay district, Kom

pot provinceM

rs. TAE RY

OV

ERC

OM

E H

AR

DSH

IP

CO

UR

AG

E AN

D W

ISDO

M W

ILL

7071

CO

URA

GE A

ND

WISD

OM

W

ILL OV

ERC

OM

E HA

RD

SHIP

M

y name is Tae Ry. I am

66 years old. I live in Boeung T

apream village, Traey K

oh comm

une, Kam

pong Bay district, K

ampot province. I have two children, a boy and a girl. I live in

this house with m

y daughter. Now I still have 5 siblings. Before

KR regim

e, I had 13 siblings, 6 men and 7 wom

en. Three died

in Pol Pot regime. I am

the second child. I have 2 children, one boy and one girl. M

y children are fishermen and they sell fish too.

LIFE BEFO

RE K

R R

EGIM

E

Study and hunger, which one to choose?

Before K

R regime, I was born in Ta Pream

village, Ta Pream

lake. It is my grandparents’ hom

etown. Before the K

R regime, I

was ten years old. I didn’t go to school because I had to go to fish

to support my fam

ily, as the eldest daughter of the family.

D

uring Sangkum Reastr N

iyum regim

e, I made m

y living at the sea. I had been to the sea w

ith my father since I was ten years

old. That was why I am

illiterate. My father m

ade the gill nets. M

y brother and I went to the sea every day. I dared not miss it

because we did not have enough rice, so we need fish to sell, so that we can buy rice. I really wanted to study and when I saw people going to school, I begged m

y father that “daddy, I want to study w

ith them.” M

y father blamed m

e “Now you choose, go

to school and have nothing to eat. Which one do you prefer?” I

then thought that I could not live without rice, so I would rather

not go to school. It was a terribly poor period. If I went to school, how

could I have rice to eat? My parents went to sell fish in order

to be able to buy rice. Sometim

es they bought a sack of rice, and som

etimes half of sack before going back to the sea. I cooked for

my youngsters, like fish soup, grilled fish and so on. M

y elder brother did not bother w

ith these women’s work. M

y siblings respected m

e and my brother, as we never used bad words.

Before K

R regime, we were doing our ow

n business. Some

people were taken away from the island because they believed

in KR

. Those who did not believe them

, they went to Koh Ses.

We had gone to K

oh Ses before they were disarmed in 1975. W

e caught fish at K

oh Ses but no one bought them, so we gave out to

others to eat. Then fish were exchanged for rice, not m

oney any m

ore. After we got one or two sacks of rice, we would accept some

money, so that m

y mother could buy som

e snack. My father went

to fish at Koh Ses, but no one bought, so we gave them

to other people. M

y life was that difficult since I was very young.

(…

) At that time, those who could m

anage to cross border into Vietnam

, they would survive. My m

other’s relatives who lived at K

oh Tral came to take m

y mother and said that ‘Let’s go now.

We can com

e back to the village when the country returns to peace.” But m

y father was defiant as he heard that when we came

back to our village, we would be given rice to eat. If we followed by m

other, then all my siblings survived. T

he KR people went

to pick us up, and for those who wanted to go to Vietnam, they

were allowed. T

hose who believed the KR decided to return to

the village. At that time, m

any people had gone to Vietnam.

7273

When

we arrived back, we did not have anything to eat, my

mother blam

ed my father for not agreeing to travel to K

oh Tral. And m

y father just remained silent.

EXPER

IENC

ES IN K

R R

EGIM

E

From

Koh Ses, Pol Pot’s people brought us to their place by

a big boat. We voluntarily went w

ith them. T

hose who did not w

ant to come cross to Vietnam

. In 1975, they took us from K

oh Ses to O

’Chrov w

ith two-night stopover at K

oh Khjong. W

e had lived in O

’Chrov for about a year.

Tw

o nights after the arrival from K

oh Ses, new people were m

ade to go to O’C

hamnar. But after a few nights, they were m

ade to return to O

’Chrov, where we were put into different groups.

One of m

y cousins was a village chief. Each day, we were given a can of rice for an adult and half of can for a child. It w

as not enough, as we could only cooked porridge. M

y cousin who was the village chief and his w

ife worked to measure rice for people. She

gave us five extra cans of rice for our fifteen mem

bers and told us to not say anything about this. H

owever, it was still not enough.

A

fter three or four months, m

y next younger sister and I w

ere transferred to young women’s unit, while the boys went to

young men’s unit and the sm

aller one to children’s unit. At young w

omen’s unit, our food was a ladle of food which consisted of a

few grains of rice and some sm

all water lily grown in the rice field.

The water lily did not have the skin peeled off, and when cleaning,

dirt still remained on them

. Then they w

ere cut into pieces together w

ith a few cans of rice and put in the big cooking pot

for hundreds of people. Each got a few grains of rice for their m

eals! We were weeping while eating!

If we did not work hard, we would not have anything to eat.

We had to work the fields, dig the canals, scrape the grounds and

plough the fields. We kept scraping the grounds under the boiling

sun. Sometim

es, when we saw a small crab, we caught and kept

it wrapped w

ith our pants’ waistband, while it sometim

es bit us so hard. Som

e people had to eat that fresh crab as they were too hungry. T

hey would eat porridge in the morning and take a

lunch break at 12 pm and continue to work until 6pm

for another dinner break. So it was like there was nothing in the stom

ach.

For about a year after m

oving to Kam

pong Speu, we got a bit better condition. W

e had enough rice, a bowl of rice. We were

made to cut the bam

boo trees and bamboo shoots. For bam

boo shoots, we cut, peel, hash and boil them

before mixing them

with

rice. A bowl of rice with bam

boo shoots were much enough to

have our body gain a bit weight. At O’C

hrov, I had never had such thing to eat.

I w

as at the young women’s unit, when one of the girls who

stole potatoes came to sleep w

ith me. She alleged that I was stealing

with her, but I did not. I had never stolen even a chilly. It was the

first time I was put in jail in K

oh Khjong. I was shackled w

ith w

ooden shackles. They were so sm

all that they had to push my

legs so hard that they bled, and I was not given anything to eat. I was innocent, but I was still regarded as a thief. W

hen the soldiers w

ho wear tire-made shoes cam

e, they kicked us so violently that som

etimes we got unconscious. T

hey beat me for a couples of

7475

days and nights and kept interrogating me, but I still said ‘I never

stole anything. I respect Angkar.’ They then released m

e.

If I take a husband and still eat porridge, I w

ill not do it for fear that I will have children ...

In m

y unit, a man asked to propose m

e for a marriage through

a female head who cam

e to me and said ‘com

rade Ham

proposed you for a m

arriage. What do you say?’ I responded, ‘no, I can’t.’

And the lady said that even if did not agree, they would still force m

e anyway. And it was arranged for about 20 couples.

T

hat man used to tell m

e that he loved me and proposed m

e for a m

arriage. I told him to love m

e as a sister. He was a K

hmer-

Muslim

from K

ang Meas district, K

ampong C

ham province.

I was very nervous when I was saying that, as I thought that I

would surely be taken to a new village…

but then I told myself

to be relaxed and thought to not care too much, and just thought

to let it be.

I w

as proposed, but I refused. I thought I would be killed then. I said that I would rather do anything, but accept a husband. M

y unit head gritted her teeth towards me and said, ‘you refused

the head’s order!’ At about 12 or 1 am m

idnight, someone cam

e to tell m

e to hurry. I thought I was not going to survive that mom

ent. It w

as very dark, under an areca palm tree and it was about 10 or

20 meters from

home. I was asked if I wanted to go to the new

village. I said, ‘I will go wherever you tell m

e to, but I would not get m

arried.’ It was too dark to envision anything. I was beaten,

mistreated. But I dared not m

ake any sound. At that mom

ent too, I was thinking that I would rather die than get m

arried.

I had been engaged before Pol Pot regim

e. I realized that even if I got m

arried and had a husband, I would still eat porridge. So I w

ould not take one, as I was afraid that I would have children. I rem

embered when one of m

y cousins had a baby after getting m

arried, she was with skinny but was forced to work after a few

days of birth delivery. That inspired m

e to refuse to accept the husband and I did not even m

iss my fiancé, as I realized there

was no way to meet him

.

After they were satisfied w

ith beating me, they let m

e come

back to sleep. Those wom

en who shared the room w

ith me asked

me if I was beaten. I said no. T

hen they asked, ‘if no, why is your nose bleeding? I then urged them

sleep to save energy for the next day’s work. They asked m

e “Aren’t you afraid of being disappeared as a result of your refusal?”. I said, ‘It m

ight be better to get disappeared than to stay like this. You see, we have to work from

morning

to 12 pm to have a break for a ladle of porridge and continue to

work until 6pm for another ladle of porridge. And we have to get

up for work again at 5 am. W

ouldn’t it be better to die than live?’ Som

eone teased, ‘this person does not want to live anymore.’ I

quietly said, ‘I want to live, but living like this, I don’t want.’

T

hen, the man w

ho proposed me escaped to V

ietnam.

On the com

mitm

ent day, my partner disappeared, so I was free

because there was no replacement. After a few m

onths of this happiness, I was put in jail at O

’Cham

nar.

7677

I was accused of stealing for 47 tim

es …

I w

as put in jail for the second time. I was beaten over and

over again for how many days and nights I don’t know. I was

accused of stealing. The unit head who forced m

e to get married

was the one who accused me and want to sm

ash all Cham

people. T

hey kept beating me and asking m

e the same questions, while I

kept responding a forever no. Then they stopped beating m

e. I did not know how m

any days I was jailed, but it was not too long. I was then released and got back to work norm

ally again.

Som

e time later, I w

as jailed again for the third time at

O’Tapang w

ith other 17 Khm

er-Muslim

women. T

his time I was

accused of stealing for 47 times 8. I didn’t expect I could survive

until today. There are still m

arks on my head. M

y hands were tied until they got rotten and becom

e withered and sm

all after how m

any days and nights I don’t know.

For the 17 people, all had their belly cut open, except m

e. First they beat us for so m

any days and nights. During that third

jail time, I was kicked to becom

e unconscious. They threw water

against my nose. And I licked that water to wet m

y throat. When I

got conscious they sat me up, as I was too weak to sit up by m

yself and was shackled. T

hey said I had not accepted the guilt after so m

any days and they urged me to accept the guilt, so that I could

come back to m

eet my m

other. They said I was so stubborn. T

he head asked the m

essenger, ‘who stole for 47 times?’ T

he messenger

responded that I was the master am

ong the 17. That head then

scolded me for that. I was speechless.

I w

as then taken to Bort Se Moan detention center at

O’C

hamnar. T

hey had big cells, not different from Tuol Sleng. All

kinds of torture were seen there. The big guys had their arm

s and legs tied, head covered w

ith a plastic piece, so shocked that they defecated, som

etimes becam

e breathless to death before the plastic piece was rem

oved.

Eight people were taken at the sam

e time. T

hey were holding a steel basket and a knife. I saw one basket was full of blood, one filled w

ith gallbladders, one with livers. People were taken to a

one-square-meter pit. It was the place for people before they died.

Some bodies were not fully buried, as we could still see heads,

hands, arms, legs …

like they were slaughtering cows. T

hat was called bloody elephant’s belly.

Another eight people were taken to another pit and had their

belly cut open. Before they cut open the belly, the people had their m

ouths cover tightly with a piece of black clothes, so that they

could not scream. T

he knife was so sharp. The sound of cutting

was som

ething that made us think it would be our day. O

nce the belly was cut open, all intestines were racing to com

e out. They

did not take the clothes out. People were just had the arms tied

to the back and their chest raised a bit. It was done in the open space. T

hey took gallbladder first, then liver. I eye-witnessed that

because my turn was com

ing too. I prayed in my heart and dared

not make any sound, ‘Lord Allah, please save m

e. I will shave off

my head. Please help m

e to meet m

y mother.’ O

ne of them urged

me again to adm

it the guilt of stealing. I responded to them to not

bother to ask me again. And I dared them

to do what they wanted

7879

to do. I stopped talking and closed my eyes. T

he one carrying a rifle, nam

ed Khm

ao said to another person names R

in, ‘Rin, we

don’t need the liver of that skinny person, it would not be delicious. I w

ill hit her with this rifle and then get her buried.’ R

in said, ‘K

hmao, we have been in this work for a very long tim

e. If she did steal, she would have adm

itted long ago.’ For me, though they beat

my head to bleeding, or even to being unconscious, I still stuck to

my N

O. Anyway, even if I adm

itted, I would still have to die.

[…

] Rin asked m

e to become his G

od sister. I thought he was just kidding, so I did not open m

y eyes, I closed my eyes in the

pit. I heard Rin said to K

hmao, ‘if you want to kill her, you need

to also kill me.’ H

e put his life to rescue me. After R

in finished w

hat he had to say, Khm

ao was in argument against him

. Rin

stood me up in the pit. I heard the sound of cutting. I thought m

y belly was cut open, but I did not feel anything. I did not know that he actually cut the knots tying m

y hands. When I opened m

y eyes, m

y hands were free, and I wondered to myself why they did

not cut my belly open. T

hen Rin said, ‘I propose for you to be m

y sister. So please do not steal. I w

ill take you to my place.’ R

in told m

e that he needed me to help dry the gallbladders on the drying

racks, then into boxes. I did not know where they were taken to. For livers, they just eat them

all. I was staying at Rin’s house. O

ne night when I was tying the ham

mock’s cords, K

hmao wanted to

rape me after he told R

in to fetch deserts for us to eat. I knew that K

hmao wanted to undress and rape m

e, but I did let him do that.

As soon as he hugged me, R

in arrived. His body was quivering in

fear. He said, ‘R

in, I have not done anything to your sister. I just hugged her. So don’t tell anyone. If you tell, I w

ill surely die.’

Allah made m

y arm pain-free …

[…

] At about 8 or 9 o’clock, I was brought from the m

ountain to pull the seedlings in dry-season rice fields. Soon later, right after getting out of N

in’s area (Nin was the head of fem

ale Chhlop),

which was about 20 meters from

the army’s cam

p, I pretended that m

y arms were too weak to work, one shoulder dropped, as I did

not want to work anymore, and if I had to die, just let it happen.

Nin was furious, ‘why your arm

s don’t move?’ I responded, ‘you

can see it. My arm

s were tied for so many days. I got beaten by

those soldiers. The m

uscles got bruised which stopped the blood flow, and thus stop functioning.’ She tried to tw

ist my arm

s, but I did not feel hurt. I was m

ade to work in that field. I was sitting on the ground like this and used one hand to pull the seedlings and slapped against m

y feet. Then, heads of the unit, C

hhet and Ron, w

ho saw us girls gathering together shouted from the distance,

‘Hey…

what are you doing? Others alm

ost get done. Why are you

not moving?’ I said that, ‘you see!’ I showed them

my arm

. When

they saw my arm

, they burnt it and pinched it, leaving scars until today. But at that tim

e, I did not feel hurt. They did that because

they wanted to test my arm

. If it was dead, it would not make m

e hurt. I thought it was Allah who m

ade my arm

pain-free. Ron and C

hhet scolded Nin about using one-arm

person to work. Nin said,

‘so why should you keep her to eat, thus wasting, rice?’ Ron and C

hhet took me to their place and I ate delicious food like those

for the soldiers. Mong and K

hmao prepared m

osquito net for m

e to sleep. They said m

y arm was disabled, so I could not do

anything. I then was asked to tend calves to prevent them from

eating vegetation.

8081

Later, I ran across the lake to m

eet my m

other and siblings. W

hen I met m

y mother, she exclaim

ed, ‘your arm can m

ove!’ I told her that I was pretending only. But I was still wondering how

I did not feel hurt when it got burnt, otherwise, I would not

have survived. I was jailed for a few times. I was shackled. T

hen when I was at the pit, I could still survive and had a chance to com

e hom

e. I think it was because of my good deeds and I prayed to the

Allah to help m

e. I was beaten. My flesh got swollen, bleeding all

over the body. It was a severe beating to all men and wom

en.

LIFE AFTER

KH

MER

ROU

GE R

EGIM

E

(O

ut of KR regim

e) When we m

et again, we all burst into tears, not laughter. It took us a while before we could sm

ile and laugh. Seven of us survived, while four died including Long, K

ley, K

ong and two of brother in-laws. After the collapse of the regim

e, two boys died while only one boy survived. M

y mother initiated

the idea of cutting trees to build a house, as we did not have a house after the regim

e. We lost five people in the fam

ily, including the father. W

e used to arrive our hometow

n to see our father prepare things for us to eat. So we m

issed him while eating.

First marriage …

12 days after the Pol Pot regim

e, I was proposed for a marriage.

That m

an was my fiancé, who I never im

agined would have met

again. In the past, he was living near my village. H

e was a Cam

-bodian-Vietnam

ese. He escaped to Vietnam

. He cam

e back after the regim

e and was cycling to find my fam

ily. At first, I did not

agree, as I wanted to register to work in Chhlop unit to revenge

Nin who m

istreated me. But m

y mother was crying and begging

me to never hold any grudges against anyone, and he w

ould com

e to live nearby and help to earn a living to support my

mother too. So I agreed.

M

y wedding followed Cham

tradition. We had the beauti-

cians from the other side of the river. In the wedding, we had a

set of Islamic clothes, which the beauticians hid them

somewhere

during Pol Pot regime. T

hey were still cleanly new. We did not

have dish to put food, so we used lotus leaves and banana leaves. For food, we caught a lot of fish from

the river. Fish were steamed

without M

SG, as we only had salt. H

undreds of guests were joining and they served them

selves to food. During that tim

e, 120 cans of rice would cost two chi [gold m

easurement]; 60 cans

would cost one chi. So, no one had m

oney to but it (sighed). My

family brought in 30 liters of w

ine. Young people did not know it w

as wine, so they drank and got all drunk. W

e danced a lot though w

ithout nice clothes. I had one daughter with him

.

A

fter my birth delivery, K

hmer Soul M

ovement w

as estab- lishe d (by the K

R) in 1979. T

hey invited and persuaded my

husband and five to six people to join their movem

ent. Later on, the K

hmer Republic soldiers accused us of joining the K

hmer Soul

Movem

ent, so they invited my husband to m

eet with them

. My

husband had to escape for fear that he could get killed. I said to him

that if the mother’s breast m

ilk was sacred, that would protect him

and he would surely see his child in the future. If he had not escape, he would surely be killed. H

e did not want to escape as he

8283

would rather die than escape. I was begging him

to escape while the child was crying very loudly. H

e turned to the girl and said, ‘m

y girl, I would rather die. So I would not escape.’ I said to him,

‘if you don’t go, I will go. I am

not willing to die. I tried to survive

the three-year-and-eight-month regim

e, how come am

I willing to

wait to get shot at my hom

e? I am leaving then.’ T

hen he agreed to leave while m

y less than a month girl kept crying. Seven m

onths later, I heard that he was in T

hailand and was waiting to reunion w

ith us, before he left for the United States. H

e sent letters to me

through people who traveled by boat back and forth to Thailand.

I refused to go, as I did not want to leave my m

other who I never m

et during the three-year-and-eight-month regim

e. If he had stayed, he would have been killed already. Later, he arrived in the U

nited States […]

I got marriage for the second, for fear of m

istreatment…

I decided to rem

arry when my daughter was about 11 years

old, which was a fairly long time later. Living w

ith my daughter

was kind of a comfort. From

time to tim

e, I felt looked down as I

was quite young too and people kept flirting with m

e. As a widow,

sometim

es, when people got drunk, they chased me for fun. But

I did not allow them to do anything, as I was afraid that it could

make children. (w

ith laughter).

M

y second husband is a Khm

er man, who lived at O

udong. T

hat time, he loved m

e and asked if I would accept him. I said

I didn’t want to have a husband (giggling while speaking). He

said, ‘accept me because even if you don’t accept, you w

ill still not

be able to escape.’ My cousin convinced m

e to accept, and I was convinced. After getting m

arried to him and after having a kid

with him

for three or four months, he was hit dead by a car. I felt

pity for him, but I could not go to see his body for the last tim

e, as m

y kid was too young, and I was afraid that it could affect me if I

had to travel by car. I just sent my contribution for his funeral. For

the 100th day funeral, I could not attend too, because I was sick, but the son did go to attend. M

y husband’s relatives still keep us related because m

y son is still their nephew.

Being an illiterate, one can get fined according their how

they weigh …

In Pol Pot regim

e, I was disappointed that I could not go to study. A

fter the KR regim

e, when m

y daughter was about five

months old, I went to take literacy class at the village chief’s house.

At that time, they put a sign at the front of the bridge. T

hose who could not read were not allowed to cross that bridge. If one still w

ished to cross the bridge in order to go to the market, they would

get fined. They would be weighed and was fined in accordance

with one’s weight. I was breast-feeding m

y children. Seven days later, I was told to sit the exam

. I told them that I did not know

anything yet. Then I bought grade one book from

the market

and kept reading and spelling. In the exam, I was asked to w

rite ‘K

hmer People’ but I told them

that I had not studied that. I have only learnt about grandpa guarding the plantation. O

ne year after the exam

, I was given a certificate.

8485

I thought it is a bit better to have parents arrange for the

children. The cake used to be sm

aller than its container but I think container is now bigger. If we arrange a w

ife for him, and

he does not accept; he would hang himself to death, if we still

persist to arrange the wedding. If this happened, we also could face jail tim

e. Now

adays, we don’t follow that practice anym

ore. I w

ill ask my children or m

y grandchildren if they want m

e to arrange a w

ife for them. If they said ‘no,’ I can’t force them

for fear that they m

ight hang themselves to death.

‘No one could survive w

ithout eating rice, grandma…

’ I don’t believe you

I told m

y grandchildren about all the experiences I had come

across, but they did not believe me. M

y children believed me but

not my grandchildren. ‘N

o one could survive without eating rice,

grandma.’ All m

y children do not believe me and they said, ‘no

one could survive by eating leaves. Do not tell us a lie.’ I said, ‘no, I

am not telling you lies.’ D

uring that period, we only had a ladle of porridge containing only a few grains of rice, and we ate leaves like we w

ere cows. T

hen their mother said that, ‘you m

ay not believe, but if the K

R regime returned, you would not be able to survive

even one day, as they are always hungry all the time.’ T

hey then just kept quiet. (laughing).

M

y daughter got married when she was 20 years old and she

has a boy who is four years old. My son is not m

arried yet, as he is still too young. W

omen are supposed to get m

arried earlier than m

en. Wom

en in this village mostly get m

arried before they are 20. T

hey loved each other, and when they proposed, we accepted right away. I had never know

n or met m

y son-in-law before. And when they cam

e to propose for a marriage, he was a com

plete stranger to m

e.

8687

N

ame: C

HAN

PHAY

Age: 66 years old

Living in O

' Romchek village, K

han Totoeng com

mune, Bakan district, Pursat province

Being a farm

erM

rs. CH

AN PH

AY

WO

MEN

AN

D

RESISTA

NC

E

8889

WO

MEN

AN

D R

ESISTAN

CE

LIFE AN

D FA

MILY BEFO

RE KR REGIM

E

I h

ave nine siblings, two brothers and seven sisters. Only

two—an elder sister and a younger brother—

of us could go to school because of poor fam

ily condition. My parents were farm

ers. M

y father has been living with m

ental problems since I was three

years old. When K

R regime began, I was about 17 years old.

“You girl, if you can w

rite, you will w

rite letters to m

en for sure. So, I will not let you go to school …

”

M

y mother did not allow m

e to go to school and as a result I suffer a lot because I am

always illiterate. I could read very little, as I was taught som

e letters when I was tending cows w

ith other young m

en who asked to me sing for them

in exchange for teach-ing m

e. Sometim

es, I was asked to bend my hands and fingers like

a dancer before they taught me som

e letters. But I had to follow their requests in order to be taught som

e Khm

er letters.

M

y mother said that, as a fatherless orphan, I m

ight be hunting m

en at will. I asked m

y mother to let m

e to go to school as I saw others could speak out K

hmer letters after they cam

e back from

school. But my m

other responded that, “You girl, if you can write,

you will w

rite letters to men for sure. So, I w

ill not let you go to school. I w

ill allow only your elder sister and a younger brother to go to school and you should take care of the fam

ily and other siblings.” And I replied that “I can definitely take care of m

y younger siblings, so please let m

e go to school” and “if I go to

school and have men, you can beat m

e and I will voluntarily leave

this home. You can disow

n me.”

M

y mother said that I do not have a father, so I do not need

to go to school and had better stay at home, looking after the

cattle, ducks and chicken. The reason why parents did not let their

daughters to study was because they feared that their daughters

would w

rite love letters. So it was better to keep them at hom

e and do household chores.

LIFE WH

EN LIV

ING

WITH

MY ELD

ER SISTER

Later, I went to live w

ith my sister for about one year. I learnt

how to make palm

-leaf mats, how to sew different types of clothes

and how to make straw hats. W

hen I was living with m

y mother,

I would go and see how

elder people made m

ats. But when I

returned home, m

y mother twisted m

y thigh so hard that it almost

bled, and she asked, “Where have you just m

et men?” T

here was a tim

e that I just knelt down in front of here and told her that I

wanted to study and I wanted to learn things, all things. I am

pitiful for m

yself that I am now

stupid because I did not learn anything. For the one year that I was living w

ith my elder sister,

I was plow

ing and raking soil. One day when I was back from

tending the cattle, I had to eat dinner in the dark w

ithout any light when suddenly m

y sister said that I was eating dinner with

ghosts in the dark, and blaming m

e that because I was bending m

y head down when eating, I would not be able to reach other

people’s level in work or business after I have husband and children. She addressed m

e by using derogatory words. D

idn’t she feel pitiful for her sister?

9091

FIRST FORCED

MA

RRIAG

E

M

y sister said that ‘tomorrow som

eone will com

e to propose you for a m

arriage; will you accept him

? The m

an is the youngest son in his fam

ily and his father is an Achar. Even if you don’t accept him

, I will still get you m

arried.” I was thinking that if I didn’t follow m

y sister’s decision, no one else will com

e again. And if I accepted the next one who would then com

mit violence on m

e, who would be responsible? T

hus, I had to accept him …

with tears.

At that tim

e, with the saying ‘cake can’t be bigger than its

basket,’ it meant whenever the fam

ily decided that we get married,

we had to get married. If we followed the arrangem

ent, the parents and relatives would still be supporting us even when the husband becam

e alcoholic or beat us. When they cam

e to propose me, they

came w

ith fruits and rice cakes arranged in 36 pairs. Pineapples and ram

butans were prohibited. There was an Achar and there

were coconut flowers. T

he song went ‘sound of thunder from the

north, we would like to invite grand master, seniors, aunty to open

areca pack...” I felt nostalgic hearing this song. At that time, I did

not listen to Achar, I just kept crying. That was why we broke

up. (Exclaiming w

ith an imm

ediate sadden face). At that time, I

thought that people would live together like relatives. But no, we had to sleep together. I got m

arried in 1968, when I was 15 and m

y husband was 35. I did not know that my husband was that

old when I was proposed. I demanded a 20-colum

n house and m

y husband did meet the dem

and. However, we did not have a

chance to live in it because the coup d’état happened right after the construction. D

uring the procession to bring the groom to

my house, we heard the sound of tro [a kind of K

hmer stringed

instrument sim

ilar to the violin, it has two strings and is played w

ith a bow] ‘nge ngor nge ngor’ which is not like what we hear today. W

hen they sang, it was never music to the ear. For now, the

wedding music m

akes me feel so nostalgic.

For the num

ber of guest, if we invited 200, the groom’s fam

ily w

ould invite 200 guests too. W

hen inviting guests, a piece of betel leave w

rapping around areca nut, lime and tobacco, w

hich together w

as supported by banana leave and decorated with

thorns from Feroniella lucida tree. Everything had to com

e in pair. W

hen we invited people to the wedding, we just verbally said ‘I w

ould like to invite you to join my child’s wedding,’ which

meant there was no invitation letter like nowadays.

At that tim

e, I was very angry with m

y sister because she had not told m

e until the last minute. W

hen she told me, she swore at

me and I felt I was forced to accept it. As an orphan, I was hurt

and sworn at with derogatory words like she swore at m

e that I was a girl who m

ated 100 men. But I had to put up w

ith that because I wanted a necklace, a pair of cow

s, two hectares of land.

After the wedding, I had to m

ove to my husband’s house. M

y father-in-law did not love m

e but my brother-in-law did because

he knew that I could do all the things like tidying the house and did the washing-up very well. It was kind of proper, though I was poor. M

y husband did not want to marry m

e. He wanted a w

ife from

a business family, but I was the farm

er’s daughter. I told him

that he could propose anyone he loved because I did not love him

too. He followed his brother’s decision. H

e asked me whether or

not I could repay what he had offered to me, if I was to get separated

9293

from him

. My father-in-law addressed m

e in an obscenely sharp tone. I told m

y brother-in-law that I did not know how to make

lot, banh duk and nom ko – kind of K

hmer desserts. W

hen my

father-in-law returned from pagoda, he told m

e to cook lot for him

to eat. I never knew how to make it. I just ate lot that was m

ade and cooked by m

y sister. He told m

e to soak rice in water and I put 30 cans of rice. T

hen I asked my sister-in-law about how

to make it. And she did not ask m

e how much rice to soak in

water. W

hen I started to grind, it took me the whole day. I was

grinding rice and crying at the same tim

e. I then asked my sister-in-

law about how to stir the rice flour. So, she gave m

e instruction on how to m

ake it. It was so much to cook. W

hen I was cooking lot, m

y husband arrived and asked what I was doing, as I got dirt all over m

y clothes and my face. I was crying when m

y husband said that his father did not like m

e. So, when his father told to do anything, I should get help from

him.

LIFE IN TH

E KR R

EGIM

E

After 2 years into m

arriage, I was separated from m

y husband starting from

1970. I was 17 years old w

hen the KR

soldiers m

obilized people and I got separated from m

y husband and my

relatives. We could not m

eet and we could not sleep together. I was m

issing my husband but did not know where he was at all. Later

he was moved to a m

obile artillery unit 35 of battalion and regiment.

D

uring KR

regime, I w

as forced to be an armed soldier.

Anyone w

ho refused to be evacuated by KR soldiers w

ould be killed, by accusing them

as third force (the opposition force). We

were trained hard and if we could not learn well, we could get

perished. So we just had to follow just any orders. They had the

rice mills that could differentiate rice in accordance to size. But

we w

ere not allowed to eat. We had to look for m

anioc, so that w

e could cook it with few grains of rice. Tough training m

ethod included throw

ing bombs at truck tires of Lon N

ol soldiers at Prey D

amrei Pagoda, Boeung K

hnar district.

In 1975, I m

et my husband and had lived w

ith him for about

one month. W

e worked separately but we dined and rested together. O

ne day, at a meal tim

e, everyone was in attendance except my

husband. I asked everyone if they saw my husband. I was told that

he had been taken to the other side of the river, and I was warned not to go and look for him

, for fear that I could be arrested too. I then realized that m

y husband would be killed.

DU

RIN

G K

HM

ER ROU

GE R

EGIM

E

FORC

ED M

AR

RIA

GE FO

R THE SECO

ND

TIME

After m

y husband got killed, I was forced to remarry in 1976.

I disagreed, but I was taken to the wedding hall at 9 pm. I was

given a shirt, a skirt, a can of rice and fish. I was made to m

arry a soldier from

an army’s regim

ent. Actually, when he had seen m

y husband, he killed my husband, so that he could get m

arried to m

e. I just cried. I was not afraid of dying. I rejected it, so they pulled m

e and mistreated m

e. On that day, villagers and K

R people were receiving m

e. I refused, but my sibling in-law advised

me to accept it.

9495

… they kissed m

e, squeezed my breasts, inserted the toes

into my sexual organ, took off m

y shirt and my bras…

At that tim

e, I refused to get married and as a result they

detained me. T

he detention center did not have a roof and I had to sleep on the grass. M

y legs were shacked by long pieces of m

etal. You can see these marks now. M

y body was still beautiful and I had not had any children yet when they detained m

e. They

kissed me, squeezed m

y breasts, inserted the toes into my sexual

organ and took off my shirt and m

y bras. I was handcuffed, so they could do whatever they wanted. T

hough I spit at them, they

still continued to do what they wanted. I was so painful.

W

hen they heard the bell sound, they walked to me. T

hey cam

e with rice and m

orning glory wrapped by som

e leaves from

the water. In that pack placed in front of me, there was also a piece

of cloth and underpants. I refused to eat no matter how hard they

forced me, even when m

y face was pushed against the leaves. We

were detained in a sm

all space like we were pigs. A lot of women

were raped. It w

as dark and we could not see but I heard the scream

for help. The rapists were ranging from

15 to 32 years old. W

omen who refused to m

arry them were placed aside. T

hose who refused to get undressed had to fold their body together tightly. Som

etimes, a piece of bam

boo wrapped at one end with a burning piece of clothes w

as inserted into the vagina; some wom

en got burned to death. T

hose were women who refused to get m

arried. Som

e Chinese and Vietnam

ese women who cam

e to do business in C

ambodia and failed to leave C

ambodia were raped and killed.

Those who raped us were those who wanted to m

arry us but we

refused. They sim

ply said that “if you agreed to marry m

e, you w

ould not be living that painful way. You would not be raped like this. N

o one would take off your clothes, made you hungry,

inserting things into your vagina …”

After they raped som

eone, they would not do it to the same

person again, as they knew that her vagina already had turned

dirty. One night, I got unconscious for seven tim

es. Two more

people came and they raped m

e again. I got unconscious again. T

hey had taken out the handcuffs and shackles before they raped us. T

hey put them back on after they raped us. T

hey beat and kicked us as they w

ished. The m

an who wanted to marry m

e raped m

e for seven times. I had not seen him

again after that. After

getting raped, some wom

en remained naked w

ith sexual organ surrounded by flies, and then covered by a piece of white cloth. W

hen I was awake, I just kept praying w

ith my hand tied. I

resisted and said that ‘take me wherever you w

ish. I have no one else. I have no brothers, no sisters and no grandparents.’ I was detained there for about a m

onth, and became very thin. D

uring that tim

e, one of the women in detention was calling m

y name,

and asked me to help untie her hands but it was too strong to

be untied. Then we asked each other and got to hear who were

from where and who have how m

any children. We learnt that

some were from

Takeo, Siem Reap, K

ampong Speu, Pursat and so

on. They arrived here as a result of evacuation. Som

e had stayed in L

uong pagoda, some at Talo H

altil. All the detainees were wom

en, which was the result of marriage refusal.

9697

I could survive because of a w

idower named Roeun who

did not have any relatives. He was detained there too. W

hen he w

as detained, he just thoroughly followed all the instructions and orders w

ithout any resistance. He had done everything until he

was released. H

e knew my bitter life story and as he was tasked

to work there to guard all those detained wom

en, he helped me

by giving me extra water. I told him

everything about my life

including the fact that my father was m

entally disabled and my

siblings were illiterate. He was weeping when hearing all those.

One tim

e, he had a dried fish in which he pounded it thoroughly into sm

allest pieces possible and put a few drops of water onto it to m

ake it bit wet and he told me to open m

y mouth w

ide as he approached m

e. He then dropped that pounded fish into m

y m

outh, pretending not to see me and know m

e. I tried to suck for the fish taste. T

hen, he said to everyone that he was in a

hurry to go to cook now. He pretended to be holding som

e knives in his hands and walked away.

T

here was a building next to my detention facility, where

uncle Roeun would throw bag of water for us to drink. It contained w

ater and palm sugar. W

hen I saw it, I used my legs to collect it.

When he was around, we pretended to go near him

. He has a long

stick to pass some rice crust for us. H

e gave me sugar and rabbit-

waste-like pills. U

ncle Roeun was transporting gold to the head of the facility. I heard him

ask the head of the facility to release m

e (he said I was his sister) without a need for m

e to walk with him

, as he would wait at Luong pagoda. I heard that and I prayed to the Buddha, D

hamm

a and Sangha to rescue me out of here.

After he drove the ox-cart away, I was released. I was told to

walk past Neakta K

leang Moeung. W

hen I arrived there, I prayed

there. I was carrying a backpack and I could not go on from there

because of my big belly. H

owever, I just tried to continue to walk. I m

et him at Phnom

Keo, and he just burst into tears, in which

he had prevented for a very long time. H

e told me that he did not

have any relatives besides me. At that place, there were different

kinds of trees, human bones, M

uslim scarves, clothes, caps, which

meant a lot of people m

ay have been killed there.

AFTER K

R REG

IME

W

hile running after the collapse of KR regim

e, the widow

s w

ere running together in a group and disabled people together as a group. Som

e people lost their legs and just used whatever plant they could find to cover the injury. T

hey moved clum

sily along the road at the m

ountain foot. I could get on wooden cart or wooden bicycle because of pity others had for m

e. When I was about to

deliver the baby, I had a lot of pain. People strop off the bark of Feroniella lucida and boiled it for m

e to drink. One day after

delivery, I got an old leaky kettle and a mat. T

he kettle was used to put the unhusked rice. T

hen they set fire to burn it, releasing sm

oke from it. I did not know what kind of herbal m

edicine I was given. Because of m

erits, I could deliver the baby with ease. I did

not have anything for the midw

ife, but just a pair of candle. It w

as a heavy rain after my delivery and I did not know where the

midw

ife had gone. I delivered the birth at Sdok Kak, where there

were no villagers yet at that time. So we used som

e available trees there to build a shelter. M

y parents and the midw

ife died. My

nephew came to take m

e and my baby back. Seeing the hardship,

my brother-in-law suggested that I abandon the baby in order for

9899

me to be able to survive. I said no to him

and I was comm

itted to raise the baby no m

atter who the father was. The eldest son who

was born during the K

R regime was a good one and he respected

other relatives; that is, when he has any food, he always shared w

ith the relatives.

After the K

R regime, I rem

ained a widow and had to painfully

leave my child w

ith the villagers when I went to look for woods and tend the buffalos. I got harassed by som

e men. W

hile tending buffalos, a m

arried man cam

e to meet m

e and suggested that I agree w

ith him. Som

etimes, they poked m

e with som

e sticks when I w

as in my house—

the floor of my house was m

ade of pieces of bam

boo, so there are some gaps in between the pieces and above

the ground. I was stripping off rice and weaving palm-leaf m

ats in exchange for rice, fish and prahok. I also helped others to m

ake rice cake, so that I could m

ake some m

oney in return. We weaved

palm leaf in the form

of phka chan then filled it with rice and

bean, and got it boiled. Some rice cake was offered to m

onks while the rest were sold at Bakan m

arket. The cake was given free of

charge to elder ladies who wanted to offer them to m

onks. Besides m

aking the cake, I would also pick up rice clusters, in the south of the railroad, and got them

husked.

M

y siblings had been separated since I was still pregnant w

hile my brother-in-law had gone in a different direction. H

e wanted to take m

e with him

but I refused. I went to search for my

mother and m

y relatives. After I got off from the m

ountain, I met

a couple in a comm

on plantation and they offered me to stay in a

Pol Pot-socialist house 12. The stair handrails were T

hai style with

beautiful roof tiles. I stayed there for three days. My relatives were

searching for me, both on foot and by ox-cart. I exchanged rice for

‘gold necklace’ with the Vietnam

ese. A tei 13 of rice was worth 3 chi of gold. I kept the necklace w

ith me until m

y relatives needed it to exchange for fishing nets to catch fish in order to m

ake prahok. Soon after the usage, the net was stolen. I did not know what to do, as I had just delivered the baby, so m

y younger-brother- in-law and I went to steal other people’s rice, one of the happy acts. D

uring that time, the Vietnam

ese were patrolling. Some people

called them K

R, but they were Vietnamese, who killed the K

R people. W

hen we saw them patrolling, we hid the rice sack in

the train car; when they passed, we continued to carry it. I would leave m

y child sleep in the hamm

ock at my sister’s hom

e which w

as nearby my house. H

er husband and I went out to steal rice in the field during night tim

e. We had late uncle Toeu waiting

to help on the west. Uncle Toeu was a very nice gentlem

an, who never harassed any wom

en who went to strip off rice with him

. H

e was worried that we got caught by the Vietnam

ese, as they w

ere searching for KR people. Later on, we produced m

ats and cord for ham

mocks. W

e pulled out Tontreang Bay Sor [a kind of green grass used to m

ake broom] and soaked them

with water

before selling them or exchanging them

for rice.

MA

RR

IAG

E AFTER K

R REG

IME

M

y latter wedding was not accompanied by wedding m

usic. M

y husband and I were too poor to afford it. That wedding took

place in Pit Trang village, Trapeang Chorng com

mune, Bakan

district, Pursat province. My husband becam

e widowed because his ex-w

ife ran away from him

and remarried another m

an. He had

13 Small bag of rice (30 cans of rice)

12 Nam

e of house comm

only called, in Pol Pot regime

100101

a child, but was later taken back by his wife. H

e agreed to give the child back to his ex-w

ife as we had a child too. Since then, w

e do not know their whereabouts. My husband drinks a little

wine, which is 500 R

iels in the morning and another 500 R

iels in the afternoon. H

e buys from a store nearby. H

e never causes any troubles. I can’t stand the w

ine smell. Since after I delivered

my youngest child in 1980, I have never slept near him

and he has never slept near m

e too. I sleep in the house; he sleeps underneath the house. M

y husband did not know that I was detained until I talked about this recently and he had not know

n that I was raped in the detention facility. Even though he know

s about this now, he did not say anything and did not m

ind that, as he understands that during the regim

e, a lot cruel acts happened. It was true that even if we were angry, or m

y mother was angry, or m

y mother saw

what happened, they still could not do anything, as they would

risk their life too. My husband just said that ‘hm

m…

I did not know

that you were detained there.’ And my brother-in-law said

that it was the reason why I was so thin, probably as a result of hunger. N

ow even my children know about this. M

y eldest child has just learnt that I was running through the jungle when having a very big belly w

ith him inside. T

here was no backpack. There

was only a scarf in the form

of a pack. It was a life so miserable.

My children felt that and did not say a word.

I have a lot of pity for my children …

M

y first son, after a few years into marriage, dug a pond

for fish farm, but was all flooded. T

hen he planted rice, but was then flooded again. I had a lot of pity for him

especially when he cam

e to me at night tim

e to ask for some rice to eat, and had

no money at all. T

he bitter mem

ory of life when running with

pregnancy is always fresh. Later on, the first son and his wife

went to work in Phnom Penh. D

uring dry seasons, both husband and w

ife work in Phnom

Penh. He seem

s to be addicted with

drinking alcohol after falling into debt to the bank. When he got

drunk, I always advised him to act properly. Som

etimes, I did not

even have money to phone m

y children. I just cried as I have a lot of pity for him

. When he com

es to visit me once in a while,

he asked for a hen and I responded that ‘I could not give it to you because you have a bad behavior because of w

ine. Please stop drinking that m

uch.’ He kept quiet, then said ‘I don’t know how

to stop, as I am very tired after com

ing back from work.’

PREPA

RIN

G A

MA

RR

IAG

E FOR

C

HILD

REN

M

y children got married to the spouse they had loved. I kept

talking to them until I com

pletely learnt that they were satisfied. O

therwise, I would not force them

. My granddaughter told her

mother-in-law

and her parents that she wanted a divorce, just

one week after the wedding. Both agreed and volunteered to get m

arried, but got divorced one week later. T

hey decided to get m

arried and to get divorced. They were not forced to get m

arried. T

hey both worked in a factory. When the w

ife asked to get divorced and packed, the husband took her to the taxi station at D

oem

Kor m

arket to get back home. T

hey did not seem to get angry

with each other. T

he parents-in-law were very kind, as they did

not demand back the bride-price, as we still owed them

money.

The husband got rem

arried and invited the ex-wife to attend the

wedding reception. M

y granddaughter did not attend because she had to work and was afraid of getting fired from

work. My

grandchildren all could go to school.

102103

N

ame: SO

T LAH

Age: 57 years old, K

hmer Islam

Residence: Boeng Tapream

Village, Treuy Koh Com

mune,

Kam

pong Bay District, K

ampot Province

H

aving 10 siblings, eight sisters, two brothers

H

aving 10 children, nine daughters and one son; six children

went to school, and the others died when they were young

C

urrent occupation: household business.

Mrs. SO

T LAH

A TR

AD

ITION

AL M

AR

RIA

GE IS

VERY

IMPO

RTA

NT

TO M

E

104105

A TRA

DITIO

NA

L MA

RR

IAG

E IS V

ERY IM

POR

TAN

T TO M

E

BEFORE KH

MER RO

UG

E REGIM

E

I did not go to school when I was young, and m

y parents went to live in Phnom

Penh. I lived with m

y younger siblings and m

y grandmother in Treuy K

oh District. M

y father was a soldier of Lon N

ol army in Phnom

Penh. Later, he brought me and m

y younger siblings to live in Phnom

Penh with him

. At the military

camp in Phnom

Penh, because my younger siblings w

ere very young, I had to look after them

, and I collected tamarind leaves

for sale. I have ten siblings, eight sisters and two brothers, and I

am the eldest. W

hen Pol Pot came, I w

as displaced to Chhouk

District until the V

ietnamese cam

e that I came back to m

y hom

eland in Boeung Ta Pream Village, Treuy K

oh Com

mune,

Kam

pong Bay District, together w

ith my parents and siblings.

DU

RIN

G K

HM

ER ROU

GE R

EGIM

E

When Pol Pot cam

e, I was displaced to Chhouk D

istrict and w

as separated from m

y family. I was sent to m

obile work unit, m

y mother w

as sent to a cooperative in our homeland, and m

y younger siblings were sent to children work unit. At the work unit, I had to build dam

s during dry season and do farming during

rainy season.

W

hen the Khm

er Rouge regime began, I was 17 or 18 years

old, and I knew everything. When Pol Pot cam

e at first, we were

allowed to wear sarong, but after we were sent to mobile work

unit, we had to wear black clothes and had our hair cut, and we w

ere given with scarf to cover our necks. I cried as I felt sad for

my hair. M

y hair was very beautiful w

hen it was long, and the

unit chief cut it for me. She said I had to have m

y cut and I could no longer have long hair. I begged her not to cut, but she said it w

as impossible to leave it like that. I had to have it cut. A

fter having m

y hair cut, I was given w

ith clothes and a scarf and w

as sent to a mobile work unit, so I had to leave the cooperative

and be apart from m

y parents.

BEIN

G FO

RCED

TO EAT PO

RK

M

y parents were forced to join a cooperative. The Pol Pot

forced my father to eat port and threatened to send him

to a new village if he did not eat pork. M

y father asked where the new

village was. T

hey said the new village is near the cave. M

y father did not know. H

e thought it meant changing to a new village.

He w

as forced to eat pork, but he did not eat. My m

other did, and she got sick afterward. She had just delivered a baby at that tim

e. When the Lon N

ol regime had passed and the K

hmer

Rouge regim

e began, my m

other was three months pregnant, and

she delivered a baby during harvesting season. Each family w

as given three or four K

ilograms of pork at that tim

e. My m

other said she was old and could not eat pork. She would be sick if she ate it. T

hen, she was sent for re-education once every three days. W

hen the baby was over one month old, she was sent to transplant

paddies. While she was harvesting the seedlings and threshing

away the dust, she fell over in the rice field. She shouted that she could not do the work because her arm

s and legs were hurting

106107

and she had just delivered a baby. They said if she did not work

she would be sent for re-education or execution. She said she had just delivered a baby, but they said the baby would be brought to old wom

en to look after him/her. T

hey allowed her to go to breast feed her baby. N

ot even ten minutes later, she was called to go

back to the field. She begged for another while as her waist was sore.” Luckily, the village chief pitied of her. H

e was generous and kind to her. H

e told her “You are near me. You should follow m

e. D

on’t let them send you to a new village.”

I went to build dam

in Laang Village, there w

as a long shed surrounded by steel thorns and built w

ith roof. I asked the local people what the place was for. T

hey said that was a place for re- educating people. Anyone who com

mitted any w

rongdoing will

be killed on Laang Mountain. I asked where the m

ountain was, and they show m

e the route along which we usually carried soils, cleared and collected Tuntreang K

het [a kind grass which is used to m

ake fertilizer] that was the route to go up to the mountain.

The killing field w

as on the mountain. T

herefore, I tried to w

ork hard because I was scared of comm

itting any wrongdoing

and being killed. In my work unit, there usually were one or two

people being brought out at night.

DISC

RIM

INATIO

N

T

hey hated Khm

er-Islamic people in the locality. T

hey did not like us, so they acted arrogantly and proudly tow

ards us. W

henever we worshipped our god, they hated it. They insulted

my father by saying that “Look, why do you keep sticking out your

buttocks? Don’t you have any work to do?” D

uring noon break,

my father w

as worshipping the god. W

hen the Chhlop cam

e and saw him

doing that, they insulted him and threatened to kill

him, m

y father always silently endure it.

IF WE D

ID N

OT C

HA

NG

E OU

R NA

ME,

WE W

OU

LD B

E KILLED

I changed m

y name from

Islamic nam

e to a Khm

er name,

Roeurn. Som

e Khm

er Islamic people changed their nam

es, but som

e did not. Many people were killed for not changing their

name. T

hose whose names were M

ah, Lah, Yah were killed. I changed m

y name, so I survived. T

hey knew that my parents were

Cham

, and two people in my fam

ily did not change their name,

but for me, K

hmer com

patriots helped me get a K

hmer nam

e. I was sent to a m

obile work unit which was far away from hom

e, so m

y family did not know that I changed m

y name. M

y unit chief nam

ed me that. I felt painful when I had to change m

y name, but

I did not know what to do. I was forced to do so. My unit chief

told me that I would be killed if I did not change m

y name. She

was sym

pathetic of me because I was w

ith her since the Khm

er Rouge regim

e began. Then, I begged her to change m

y name, and

I tried to endure the pain. My parents did not know that I changed

my nam

e, and people kept calling me C

omrade Roeurn, C

omrade

Roeun. At night, there were C

hhlop spying on me because they

were curious about m

y face looking like Cham

and my C

ham

accent. They suspected, but neighboring friends told them

that I w

as just speaking with dialect accent and that I could not speak

clearly. They tried to help m

e, and the unit chief said she tried to help m

e because she felt sympathetic of m

e.

108109

FORCED

MA

RRIAG

E

I felt depressed…

O

ne day, while I was working in a late afternoon, my unit

chief came to call m

e to go to Sva Thleak Village. T

here were four people, including m

e, who were called at that time. I asked why we

needed to go there. They said that I would know when I arrived

there. The local people knew that it was the place for m

arriage. I said “W

hat? Am I brought here for m

arriage? I don’t know. No

one asked me?” “You m

ust go. It’s impossible that you don’t go”

the unit chief answered, “It is not my order. It’s an order from

the higher ranking people of the area or the district.” T

herefore, I stopped working and w

ashed my hands and then went w

ith them

. I did not even have a bath. We arrived in Sva T

hleak Village at around 3 pm

. There were around 20 couples there. I did not

know whether it was a request from

cooperative. I just followed their order because I was afraid of being killed. T

hey had already arranged a partner for each of us. T

hey called us by our name to

go up to make a vow. For exam

ple, they called my nam

e, then my

partner, and then the next couple. I cried when it w

as my turn

because I had never known or seen m

y partner before, and I did not even know what kind of person he was. W

e were not from the

same village or com

mune. T

he Chhlop told m

e to do whatever I w

as required to and say whatever I was ordered to say. I had to vow

to produce certain number of tons of rice on one hectare of

land. I felt very depressed that I could not even fall asleep. My

mind was full of regret, anger, hatred, and dissatisfaction, because

I did not love my partner. I had seen m

y uncle who had been forced to m

arried was sent to the cooperative to live with his w

ife. I cried every night because I was afraid that I would be sent to the

cooperative like them. I thought I had to endure it because we had

just got married. I regretted because I could not get m

arried with

traditional ceremonies. I wanted to m

arry with the acknowledge-

ment from

my parents, but m

y parents were far away and could not attend the wedding. I was very upset.

A

fter the wedding, w

e were sent back to our m

obile work

unit. I came back at 5 o’clock to m

y place, and my partner went

back to his place. Three days later, I was sent to a regional work

unit at Koh Sla dam

so we did not live together at all. When m

y nam

e was sent to the regional work unit, the unit chief reacted with this request “She has just got m

arried for three days.” “Whatever,

even if she has just got married, as long as her nam

e has been selected, she has to go to K

oh Sla dam.”, chhlop said. T

herefore, I w

as separated from m

y partner. I went to Koh Sla dam

, and he went to Laang. I went to build a very high dam

in Koh Sla. I went

there for two years. Now I never want to go back. I do not want

to see it any more. It was scary. M

y foot got a very serious wound because I accidently cut it when I was shoveling soil. T

he wound w

as inflamed for several m

onths, and it even go some worm

s in it. T

here was no medicine. I only took the m

edicine called thnam

ach tonsai which could not heal the wound. It hurt me for two

months, which was a m

isery. I had to go into water to transplant rice w

ith the wound on my foot being sucked by leeches. T

he wound healed itself after a period of tim

e, and even I was wounded but I was still sent to work.

SEXU

AL V

IOLEN

CE

W

hen I was in Koh Sla, I had a very close friend who lived

with m

e and went everywhere with m

e. One day while she was

110111

sleeping next to me, there were chhlops cam

e to bring her. We did

not know where they were bringing her to. I asked them, and they

said they were taking her somewhere for a m

oment and would be

back soon. They took her out for one or two hours and for three

subsequent nights, but she never told me anything. Later, along

the way to a mobile work unit, she told m

e that they took her to sleep w

ith a soldier for three subsequent nights. I asked why she did not tell m

e earlier. She said they threatened to kill her if she told anyone. T

herefore, I got to know why she could not tell m

e even if I was very close to her and slept next to her every day. T

he person who raped her was a solider. The chhlops cam

e to bring her to that solider in K

oh Sla, in a very big military cam

p. O

nly those who were beautiful would be brought there, and my

friend was beautiful.

Later, w

e were sent to O

ral Mountain to produce children

for Chinese people. W

hen they were taking us to Oral M

ountain, I asked the unit chief and she told m

e that they were bringing us to produce children, m

eaning that we would be sent to sleep w

ith men. I did not know whether those m

en were Chinese or

not. I was ordered to walk across the forest and mountain to O

ral M

ountain and to Battambang. I did not know why. W

hen I arrived in M

uong District, I was appointed to work in a cooperative in

Muong D

istrict, and I stayed in the cooperative for two nights. I did not m

eet my parents along the way. I alm

ost died when the unit chief took m

e there. I was ordered to do farming there. After

staying for two nights, they had a meeting and decided to kill

me. W

hen the morning stars rose and the cocks crowed, I w

ill be

brought to a killing field where they had dug a square hole with

the edge of ten meters long. I tried to run away w

ith my friend

who was also brought there w

ith me. W

e ran across the rice field. T

hen we accidentally came to hole where people were executed,

and we fell into the hole. In that area, the holes which were dug to kill people had not been refilled yet. It was a very cruel killing field. W

e ran to a cooperative, and the people in the cooperative hid us in an old m

an’s house. The old m

an was very kind. On

the next morning, when the m

essengers came to get us, he used

straws to cover us and told us not to com

e out from the straw

s. T

he messengers cam

e two or three times to look for us, and we

had to hide in the straws for two or three days. T

he old man stole

rice from the cooperative for us. W

e shared the rice and tried to eat for survival. If they found us, we would be killed. T

he old man

told us that other people who came here had been killed. O

nly two of us left. Later, m

y unit chief came to gather us back to O

ral M

ountain again, but when we reached a bridge in Battambang,

we were pushed backward by the Vietnamese arm

y.

POST K

HM

ER R

OU

GE R

EGIM

E

W

hen I reached Chhouk D

istrict, I asked the local for one-night stay and then went back to m

y homeland. O

n the way, I saw an old m

an riding a bullock cart, and I asked him whether

he had seen my parents com

ing here. He said m

y parents were at hom

e doing farming. It was July when I cam

e here, and they were

transplanting rice. They cried w

hen they saw m

e because they thought I m

ight have died. I was sent to mobile work unit and

never came back hom

e to see them.

112113

After we cam

e together, my husband’s grandm

other came to

propose me to m

arry him. I got m

arried in July, on the twelve day of waxing m

oon, during transplanting season. She made such

proposal earlier without know

ing if I was alive. M

y husband’s g

ran

dmother asked m

y mother where I had gone, and m

y m

other told her that I was sent way. She did not know if I was still alive. M

y husband’s grandmother said if I was alive let m

e marry

her grandson. My m

other just agreed, but she never expected that I w

as alive because bombing had caused m

any deaths on the m

ountain. She agreed because they were very close and they were relatives. I did not reject this tim

e because I had always wanted to get m

arried with traditional wedding, even if I did not know

him. I used to pray to A

llah to let me get out of the m

iserable life and get m

arried with traditional cerem

onies like the older generations. M

y wish cam

e true, so I agreed to follow my parents

without know

ing at all how the man looked like.

People who follow

in Iman do not use violence…

In K

hmer-M

uslim fam

ilies, women m

ake fish net and men

go to fish. These are their daily work. O

nly men are allowed to

go to mosque, wom

en are only allowed when there is a ceremony.

This is our custom

.

In each M

uslim fam

ily, there are also some quarrels, such as

hitting the children. Those who can strictly follow Im

an do not hit their w

ife and children, but those who cannot strictly follow

Iman also hit their w

ife and children sometim

es, and those people are usually young people. O

ld people can strictly follow Im

an, so they do not cause trouble for their wife, and they give

money they earn to their w

ife to manage.

M

y children are all married. W

hen a man cam

e to propose for a m

arriage and we were satisfied, we agreed to the marriage. Som

e of m

y children married those who from

the villages nearby, some

married those who from

distant places, and some followed their

parents’ arrangement. Som

etimes, they agreed to our arrangem

ent, but som

etimes they did not agree.

T

he way we introduce our children to get know each other for the purpose of m

arriage is usually the same as others. I love

my son rather than daughters because I have only one son, but m

y husband loves daughter rather than son. H

e gives daughter more

money and gives less to son. H

e said that he did not know why but he was afraid that son won’t listen to his advice when he is grow

n up.. He loves daughter because daughter listen to their

parents. My son does not listen to him

. When he wants him

to do this, he w

ill do that. Children go to school to learn K

hmer. If

they go to Khm

er school in the morning, they go to learn C

ham

in the afternoon (learning Arabic to read the bible). Both men and

women are allowed to go to school equally.

M

y son married a w

ife in Kandal Province. She is K

hmer,

but we never mind that. Som

e people mind, but som

e do not. A

fter she married m

y son, she has followed our religion. They go

to work in Thailand, and they love each other. W

e have no racism

in our family.

END

ING

QU

OTE:

M

arriage w

ithout racism, as long as the children love

each other and get along well, w

e allow them

to marry.

114115

N

ame: C

HU

M SAM

OEU

N

Age: 55 years old

H

aving four siblings, one sister and three brothers

H

aving five children, two girls and three boysM

rs. CH

UM

SAMO

EUN

RELIG

ION

HELPS M

E

MEN

TALLY

R

ECO

NC

ILED

116117

RELIG

ION

HELPS M

E M

ENTA

LLY R

ECO

NC

ILED

BEFO

RE K

HM

ER R

OU

GE R

EGIM

E

M

y father had passed away since before I knew him. H

e was a policem

an in Sangkum Reastr N

iyum regim

e. We did not know

whether his death was caused by an illness or by anything else. I

heard people say that my parents were so m

uch better off financially. I was a child in a rich fam

ily. But when my father fell sick and died,

our economic situation started to deteriorate. Later on, m

y mother

had a Muslim

husband. It was like she was under a magic spell. I

heard that my m

other had a lot of gold and my house was a very

big one, which I was supposed to be a successor. But during KR

regime, it was turned into a kitchen. W

hen my m

other was living w

ith her latter husband, my siblings and I were living w

ith them.

My step-father went gam

bling and lost all the gold and he abused, kicked, swore at, m

y mother. H

e was jealous too. H

e hurt my

mother badly. M

y elder brother moved in to live w

ith us later on. W

hen my brother was living w

ith us, my step-father pulled him

upside-dow

n. He kicked m

y elder brother to the wall, and beat me

too. I was made to work hard including washing dish and other

household chores. I was only 6 years old, so I could remem

ber very little. M

y elder brother did not stay long with us because

my step-father hurt him

and my second brother too m

uch. The

step-father even said that he did not ask my brother to com

e and live in the fam

ily. My step-father broke our fam

ily. As I was a girl, m

y mother send m

e to look after other people’s kids in exchange

for money to support her and her husband. I worked as a babysitter

since I was still wearing only underpants. I could barely carry the kids. I could only carry them

on my side. I rem

embered that at

that place, there were a lot of women. It was a nightclub, where

I looked after their children.

I could not stay w

ith them anym

ore. I ran away from them

and went back to C

hhouk district alone without letting my m

other know. O

n the way, at Tvea m

ountain, a soldier who knew

my

father, asked me about m

yself and helped to hitchhike a truck for m

e to come to C

hhouk district. All my siblings and I could

not bear with m

y step-father. So we decided to go and live with

our grandmother at C

hhouk. I did not tell my m

other or ask my

mother to com

e with us. I only thought about escaping to live w

ith m

y grandmother. I ran away. I was angry because she m

ade me as

a babysitter and because her husband went gambling and hurt us.

Seeing other children have things to eat and money

to spend, I hid myself crying behind the classroom

…

I went to school between 1968 and 1969 and the coup d’état

happened in 1970. Then I could not study anym

ore. At the time,

because of poor economic condition, after class, we had to look for

crabs. After coming back from

class, we did not have anything to eat, so we went to look for woods in the forest. M

y second brother went w

ith me. W

e were so poor to have nice clothes to wear. Four of our siblings were very poor. W

hen I went to school, I saw other kids eat food and spend m

oney; I would hide myself crying behind

the classroom. T

hree of us went to school while the youngest did not go. M

y first and second siblings did not perform well at school.

118119

When in 11th grade, I perform

ed well while my brother did not do

well as they were too busy.

I was living w

ith my aunt. It w

as a hardship …

W

hen I was young, my life was a pitiful one. I was living

with m

y grandmother and m

y aunt. Sometim

es we would have rice to eat and som

etimes we didn’t have rice to eat. M

y mother

had another husband, so I had to live in hardship with m

y aunt. W

hen we could not find crabs and fish, she hurt us, beat us and scolded that we could not do anything. W

hen we could not get crabs or fish, she hit our head w

ith fishing baskets and cooking pots. M

y aunt has children, but she only made us work since then.

She made us cook, pick up rice and grind it into flour. W

e had a m

anual grinder, but it was too hard for me to pull it, so I had to walk

myself to m

ove it. After grinding, I was made to pound it. T

hen we had to go and look for crabs again. It was like we were the supplier for her. W

hen we could not find anything, she swore at us.

I could not forget the tim

e when I was looking for crabs and they bit m

e. Sometim

es, I screamed painfully in the rice field. I

was carrying the baskets and never wore a shirt. I had to serve her all the tim

e for fear that I was not given things to eat. My m

other never knew about this as I never told her and I never went to m

eet her too. M

y aunt hurt me all the tim

e. She hit me on m

y head. I did not perform

well in my study then. Regarding clothing, it

was different from

other people who had parents to provide nice clothes. I would wear the clothes given by others. I lived a very difficult life. I was angry w

ith my aunt but I did not know what to

do. She only took care of her children and not me. W

hen I went

to school, people called to me ‘the parentless child’ and it was m

y cousin who said that to m

e. My aunt lived w

ith my grandm

other in the sam

e house but we did not eat together. My grandm

other could not help m

e with anything. M

y grandmother had never said

anything when my aunt hit m

e or swore at me. I still rem

ember

everything.

Later on, I had so terrible cough that m

y neck got twisted. I

did not know what went wrong. W

ith that terrible cough, my aunt

still cooked taro soup for us to eat, which only made m

y throat worse, and she still hit m

e too. I did not know what kind of illness it w

as, and I did not have money to get it cured. It was recovered

but I did not know how and why. When I was young, m

y siblings w

ere hurt so badly. When there was a wedding, we were m

ade to cut the throat of the chicken. T

hey said that we were orphans, so we were m

ade to cut the throat of the chicken and were given some

money for doing so. M

y brother was beaten when he refused to do it. Another brother of m

ine and the family were looked dow

n on.

I voluntarily joined the army because I saw

them

wearing nice clothes

D

uring the coup in 1970, I was with m

y grandmother trans-

planting rice seedlings, which I could hardly do it. In Novem

ber 1970, m

y uncle requested other people for help to get me into

army. I was serving in the Vietnam

ese army, not the K

hmer arm

y. It w

as at O’C

hrov, Trapeang Reang, north of Chhouk district. I

joined them because I saw they wore nice clothes. But for m

e, I had to wear shorts and a vest shirt, as I was sm

all. When I arrived

there, the Vietnamese refused to accept m

e because I was physically

120121

too small. T

hen my uncle begged them

to accept me by justifying

that I had no one to depend on and I only had a 70-year-old grandm

other. As a result, I could stay there with m

y uncle. I was so happy to be serving in the arm

y. It was a hard life living with

my aunt because she was poor and we did not have enough to

eat. I did not have anything to do at first because I was too small.

Later on, I had to pick up rice grains at some places where I did

not remem

ber. I was made to carry sack of rice to places I did not

remem

ber too. Then at a place called Sre C

heng, I had to look for woods to cook rice and I had to cook rice. I went to look for woods as instructed. I was w

ith the Vietnamese arm

y at Phnom M

lou, near Sre C

heng. Then, m

y cousin and I escaped from the arm

y, but we were followed by the Vietnam

ese. We had to hide ourselves

in the thatch pile. I came back hom

e ever since.

Between 1970 and 1972, there were som

e KR soldiers. I

joined KR soldiers in region 35. It was called region 35 in K

ampot.

I did not remem

ber the name of that area. I was m

ade to carry cow

waste, to cut Tontrean Khet (a type of plant used for wound

healing or compost fertilizer) and to produce com

post fertilizer, a m

ixture of cow and human waste and earth piled up by term

ites. O

nce in a while, I could go to my hom

e in Chhouk district. W

hen I arrived hom

e, my grandm

other asked me why I cam

e back. I said I could not put up w

ith the hard work I was made to perform

.

I had been hom

e for about one year. That tim

e, there was already K

R army. W

hen my cousin visited hom

e, I asked to go w

ith him. M

y cousin asked me why I wanted to go, and he told

me that they went to fight against opponent’s soldiers. I responded

that I wanted to fight too. Then I went w

ith him. It was 1973. I

went w

ith him to division 111. U

pon my arrival at the fortress, I

did not have anything to do until more wom

en arrived. I was with

female soldiers. I was carrying rice on m

y shoulder while they were fighting. I was carrying bullets and bom

bs, the ones just big enough for m

e to carry, while the bigger ones were not for me. In 1973, I

was about 12 or 13 years old. I did not carry them

straight to the battlefields, as there were other youth who were waiting to pick them

up from us. T

he soldiers were at Tuol Krasang, Tuol Sen in

Kandal province. It was the hot battlefields. D

ivision 111 was Lon N

ol’s army. 1970-1973 was a period of a heavily com

bative fight.

DU

RIN

G K

R REG

IME

In 1975, people were wearing black clothes while I was wearing

knee-length pants because I was young. My hair got cut to look

like boys but I did not know why it was done that way. I was just carrying cooked rice, and did not do anything heavy. Rice and water were fairly sufficient. T

here were cooks responsible for cooking in the kitchen and there were people responsible for carrying things. W

hen rice was already cooked, I put it in palm-leaf boxes together

with som

e pork and some types of edible plants. Som

etimes we

had fish but I did not know where they got them from

. I just ate them.

I was later transferred to work in the rice field at K

dol pagoda, near a factory that m

ade glass, west of Steung Mean C

hey. We

were transferred from

one place to another continuously. We did

not have any roles. We did not have any cow

s. We broke ground

with hoes. W

e used hoes to work the field, to transplant the

seedlings in all seasons. People were used to rake the soil. Men

were used as cow

s. I worked with hoes to break the ground. W

e

122123

all had to work without distinction. Som

etimes we had to pull the

rakes. There was not distinction that m

en had to do heavy work or w

omen light work. W

hen rice cultivation season was over, we built dikes at Tuol K

ei. They had to be sym

metrical and straight

like a ruler. Any barriers had to be cleared. If they had to go through hills, hills had to be flatten. If there were bam

boos, bamboo trees

had to be uprooted. At that time, even soldiers had to work on

the rice fields.

Soldiers had to work in the rice field too. W

hile other people were transplanting rice seedlings, I was instructed to m

ake human

fertilizers, which meant I had to collect hum

an waste from the

toilets near Steung Meanchey m

arket, near Sansom K

osal pagoda. Four girls were m

ade to collect human waste. After collecting

human waste, we had to dry it. W

hen it dried up, we put it into the sack and transported it by bicycles to the field at K

dol, some

Kilom

eters away. If we did not meet the expected plan, we would

be taken to educate.

I had been separated from

my siblings since 1970. Life becam

e m

ore and more difficult. T

hough I got erysipelas on my hands, I

was still made to work. Even I could not work, I was still m

ade to pull the seedlings. Ten people had to get the seedlings transplanted one hectare of the rice field. I was transplanting the rice seedlings at the west of Pochentong. W

e would eat at night, as we had to w

ork from 6 am

to 9 pm. W

hen I got home, I was too sleepy

to take a bath. I sometim

es had to sleep without changing m

y clothes, dirty. In the m

orning, I would get up at 4 am for physical

exercise to avoid being lazy. We did it until 7 am

until we heard

the whistle sound when we needed to get ready to queue to start work. T

here was no time to relax in both dry and rainy seasons. A

hectare of land shall produce 3 tons of rice, failing to do so would m

ean we had to eat watery porridge. Some young people looked

as old as 70 years old. We could not look at each other in the eyes.

If people smiled at each other, they would be taken to educate

in the evening. People could not look at each other for fear that attraction m

ight happen.

In

1976 they started to profile everyone. Head of group

researched my biography. H

e had learnt that my parents had been

working as police and at that time m

y father was still a policeman.

As a result, I was transferred to a contaminated group called K

ang Peak Poan because it was for people w

ith bad profiles. People with

bad profiles were placed together and were not allowed to return to previous places. It was even m

ore difficult because there was not enough to eat and we had to work even harder than before. I w

as made to pull out 3 plon (40) of seedlings, which I could

never manage to get done. I could only do 1 plon because I

was not skillful enough. Som

etimes I hit them

against my legs,

sometim

es I washed them w

ith water. I had never done it before.

MA

RR

IAG

ES IN K

R REG

IME

T

he man who proposed to m

arry me had been interested in

me since I was young. W

e had known each other when I was w

ith the Vietnam

ese soldiers and he was there too. He was a K

hmer

Krom

ethic. I knew his house. He got killed by Pol Pot’s cadres. H

e tried to follow m

e until I grew up. I did not know how he followed

124125

me, as I just address him

god brother since I was very young. He

followed me to this place. H

e proposed me in this group. W

hen he knew I was in this group, I was transferred to another place. H

e proposed m

y name, but he was told that there was no such nam

e. So, he did not get m

e. I did not know why I was transferred out to avoid him

. He proposed, but not granted. T

he head of that group did not agree, as he said I was too young. I was m

ade to marry

another man because one of fem

ale soldiers loved that man who

proposed me. After that m

an got married, when I went to trans-

plant the seedlings, I got laughed at. People mocked at m

e and said w

hat happened to my god brother who proposed to m

arry me. I

responded that I did not know who proposed who. I did not pay attention on that. At that tim

e, I was afraid because my parents

were the 17-April people and that fem

ale soldier did profile me.

She came directly to do that profiling. M

y aunt did not know that she cam

e to ask my neighbors about our background. She was told

that I was the daughter of a policeman, not an orphan, and lived

with a grandm

other. I tried to conceal my background. People

only knew that my grandm

other was my m

other. I did not say that I had other parents. I did not want to reveal that m

y mother

had a step-husband. T

hus, I regarded my grandm

other as my

mother. T

hen when they arrived, they asked why I tried to conceal m

y 17-April parents. I responded that I did not know anything; I only knew that m

y grandmother was m

y mother, so I called her

‘mother’. I could narrowly escape from

getting caught again. They

did not know that I was a daughter of the police. They could only

see that I and my siblings were living w

ith my grandm

other.

I used to wish that m

y husband would be

handsomely tall …

O

ne day, I was proposed again and I was asked if I would accept the proposal. I asked who the person was. T

hey said that I w

ould not need the name of that person. I then responded that

‘who am I going to get m

arried to? What if the person was blind

or physically disabled?” I retorted to them, but was told to get

myself ready. I did not know that m

an. On the wedding day, I

said, “I don’t agree. I won’t marry him

.” When I rejected, I was

taken to be educated for one day, one more day and another day.

They said ‘you can’t say no because if you don’t want, why do you

always broadly sm

ile at men?” W

hile I was being educated, they said that m

y parents were like this or like that, and that I did not w

ork seriously because I would get sick often. And when I had a husband, I did not have to often sm

ile at other men. T

hey said I w

as good at smiling at m

en. When I was sm

all, I laughed a lot. I would sm

ile at people because I could not just frown. W

hen they saw

me sm

ile, they teased me that I was spreading m

y charm to

men w

ithout exception, and that I was aroused. On m

y wedding day, there were five couples, and those were the ones w

ith same

bad background. We were placing in order. I recalled that when

I was being educated, I was warned that I could have died if I

rejected. So I just kept quiet and let the wedding happen.

D

uring the wedding, I was given a pair of shoes, a black skirt, a black shirt and a scarf. I got m

y hair cut, my eyebrow trim

med

and we were sitting in a row. I had no idea which man was going

to be my husband. T

hey were placed in pair and we did not look at each other. I was not satisfied w

ith my partner, but I could

126127

not do anything about it. A row of m

en and a row of w

omen

were there. W

e were instructed to comm

it. We were forced to get

married. T

hen names of couple were announced. M

y name was

announced together with a m

an. I was very disappointed and my

life became m

eaningless right away. When I was told to stand up,

all my hope disappeared im

mediately. H

e was dark, short, had an ugly face. H

e was not the one I had always wished. I would w

ish that m

y husband was tall and handsome. I felt powerless and felt

completely em

pty.

Uncle, please be pitiful for m

e…

my m

enstrual blood did not stop yet …

D

uring the time to sleep, spies were com

ing around. The

places were not w

ell-organized rooms. T

hey were like m

any detached houses. I was quivering like a sm

all bird, ‘uncle, please be pitiful for m

e, my m

enstrual blood did not stop yet,” I told him a

lie. As w

e know that som

etimes m

enstrual blood kept coming

for the whole week. So I told him lie and I was fine. W

e did not consum

mate, but no one knew about this. H

e did not force me,

and I told him that I did not love him

, so he should not force me;

otherwise, we would all die. H

e realized that we were different; we had different skin colors. H

e proposed for me, m

aybe because he often saw m

e when I went to my aunt’s house. I was so sick that

my kidney was dam

aged. His skin was dark but he was very kind.

He used to entered m

onkhood. When I got back to m

y group after living together for three days, the head of the group asked how I was. And I said that I was fine. I told the head a lie again.

AFTER K

R REG

IME

W

hen the Vietnamese soldiers entered the country, I w

as only running aim

lessly, to finally arrive at Koh K

ong province. A

man w

as following m

e from Battam

bang province to Pursat province to Phnom

Penh. He was living in O

udong district, Kam

pong Speu province. H

e had followed me until I told him

that I would not accept him

. He felt sick alone and I was pitiful for him

. But I didn’t see him

the next time I w

anted to visit him. H

e loved m

e and told me to lie to m

y mother that we had been m

arried during K

R regime, but I could not do that. I w

as fortunate to be able to leave for K

ampot province by the ox-cart w

ith other elderly people. People seem

to have pity for me, like when people

were collecting salt in K

ampot province; they let m

e get on the ox-cart, as I looked very thin. Later on, after the collapse of K

R regim

e, people went back to their hom

etown and I w

ent to C

hhouk district to meet m

y mother too. I got lost when I arrived

back to my hom

etown, as I had left the place for too long. Som

e people still recognized m

e and told me that it was m

y village and they directed m

e to my hom

e and met m

y mother. M

y mother

did not recognize me at first. T

hen my m

other took me to live in

Kam

pot province till today.

All m

y siblings died. Only m

y mother and I survived. M

y step-father has two w

ives. He had his first w

ife before having my

mother as his second w

ife. Now he still has these two w

ives. When

my m

other suffered from asthm

a, I took her to Kam

pot hospital w

ithout having any money. She got a swollen belly. W

hen my

mother got out of hospital, m

y step-father kicked her right at her

128129

belly to be unconscious. Seeing that, my husband becam

e furious and hit him

to be unconscious too. The step-father was hurting

my m

other until her dying day. My m

other died in 1989.

SECON

D M

AR

RIA

GE

I still considered myself w

idowed though

without any sexual intercourse

I got m

arried in 1980 and now have four children. T

he wedding in 1980 cam

e with traditional wedding m

usic and other things, not like that in K

R regime. W

e had never known each other

before, but were introduced by another person. He w

as so poor that m

y mother had to organize and m

anage everything. It was a pre-destined fate, so I had to accept it. I did not reveal to m

y husband that I w

as widow

ed. I considered myself w

idowed,

though I was not as w

e did not have any sexual intercourse in K

R regime. W

hen he knew about this, he was fine. He said I did

not look like a widow as everything was new. I was asham

ed to feel that I was a w

idow who married a single m

an. But how could he refuse m

e? I spent about one dam leong (37.50 gram

s of gold).

During that tim

e, if there had been rapists like now

adays, I could have been finished

M

y husband did not make any m

oney, so my life was so

difficult. Sometim

es, I could not afford meals, just like that tim

e in Pol Pot regim

e. Sometim

es, only a quarter of kilo of rice was left for cooking porridge for the children. Even when I was pregnant

with a very big belly, I still had to go out to sell water m

elons and other things to feed the fam

ily. I had to run in order to catch the m

otor cart during my pregnancy, so that I could travel to the

market. Som

etimes, I arrived at the m

arket in the dark, waiting for corn sellers from

the field. I was exhausted. Life was difficult over and over again. D

uring that time, if there had been rapists

like nowadays, I could have been finished. At the present time, if

wom

en travel like that, they might be raped. It was in 1980s or

1990s, which rape did not happen. Now there is a lot of drug too.

After having our first child, m

y husband still could not do any work. M

y mother asked that I divorced him

. I accepted that, but m

y husband begged me not to do so, as he was afraid that he

would be separated from

the child. I, with m

y first daughter, ran away from

him for about a m

onth. But my brother said that, ‘now

you can live with your m

other. If the mother dies, who w

ill you live w

ith? Mother is a w

idow and now you are a widow too!” Then,

I returned to live with my husband. W

e now have five children.

Before, he depended only on salt fields, which could be paid

with 30 kilos of rice and 80 R

iels as wage, which was too little for the expense. Later on he learnt how to m

ake boat while I was still working on salt filed. I left m

y fourth daughter who was just three m

onths old and my seven-year-old daughter w

ith my sister to take

care. When she cried, m

y sister brought her to me for breastfeeding

while I w

as working at a factory. I had a fallen uterus because I started work too early after birth delivery, which has affected m

e till now. At that time, we earned som

e money but it was not

enough because we had a lot of children I just had to put up with

130131

that situation. I always think that my life w

ill forever be difficult until m

y dying day. Later on, I had some m

oney from selling land,

but was used up for medical treatm

ent of my husband. W

e ran out of m

oney, and he did not recover. He did not sm

oke but he drank alcohol. W

hen he was making boats, he was surrounded w

ith too m

uch dust from wood, which resulted in a lung cancer. W

e took him

to Khm

er-Soviet hospital in Phnom Penh, but to no avail.

He died one week after he got discharged from

the hospital. He

was also a civil party. H

is parents and my parents were Lon N

ol soldiers.

Living in a multi-racial com

munity

M

ost of the people living in this village are Khm

er-Muslim

. H

owever, my fam

ily and my neighbors are K

hmer. M

y next door neighbor is K

hmer and is a teacher. M

ost Khm

er people reside in the east and north, while the M

uslims m

ostly reside in the west. T

hey live closely together. In my village, besides M

uslims, there

are also Khm

er and Chinese. T

here are very few conflicts in the village and conflicts happen when young people consum

e alcohol. H

owever, they argue only within their fam

ilies. We believe in ‘do

good, receive good.’ When there are rituals or cerem

onies, they invited us. W

e can either attend or not attend, which is fine either w

ay. Sometim

es, they give us food and vice-versa but it does not contain pork. W

hen they give food to me, I eat. W

hen I give food to them

, I told them that the food was cooked in a separate pot

and it does not contain pork fat. They believe that we do not have

any bad intention.

I used to be under a m

agic spell. I fell sick under that magic

spell by Cham

people. The person who m

asterminded that m

agic spell w

as shot dead and the one who perform

ed the spell died too. At first, I was not aware of this. But when I m

et with a spirit

medium

, he told me that som

eone performed the m

agic spell on m

e, but I have enormous m

erits to protect myself. H

e told me to

pray to the Heaven G

ods at 12 o’clock midnight. It went to pray. It

was true. I was told not to reveal this to other people; I was told to tell others that I was still sick for fear that I could get hurt again. I didn’t know anyone or any G

od who came to cure m

e. I would listen to the radio often and believed that only C

hristianity helps people from

the magic spell. I went to a church and I have devoted

myself to G

od since 2005. I had fallen sick and my body swollen

since I was 43 years old as a result of magic spell. After becom

ing a C

hristian, I have been very healthy for the past 12 years. If anyone would like to put m

e under a magic spell, it would not be effective

when I am a C

hristian. In Christianity, it is our K

arma that caused

our family breakup. And what happened to us during the K

R regim

e was the result of our Karm

a too. I believe in Christianity

but my children don’t. But we have never had any conflicts. M

y husband was a C

hristian too, so when he passed away, we held a funeral a C

hristian way. Even though I used to be under a magic

spell, I do not hate or fear Khm

er-Muslim

s.

Family life today

I have five children, three boys and two girls. T

hey are all m

arried except a daughter. My fourth daughter is w

orking in Poipet tow

n. She rarely visits me but we com

municate on m

obile phone and she alw

ays sends money to m

e. Now

adays, I don’t

132133

work. I stay at hom

e and look after two grandchildren and I

live on my children’s m

oney. I have been suffering from kidney

problem since the K

R regime, as I was forced to do heavy work.

Since after KR regim

e, I have never visited my aunt, instead she

has visited me. I don’t have any grudge against her as I thought it

was just m

y fate of bad Karm

a. My parents used to be better off,

but it was fate. She also recalled about the past time when she hurt

me w

hen I was young. She had apologized. But I am not angry

with her. W

hen she comes to visit m

e, I often buy clothes for her and give her som

e money.

When m

y children got married, I did not force them

. T

hey loved each other

I think I should not m

ake them live in rem

orse like me. If

they love each other, let them get m

arried. My son-in-law

was

in Koh D

ach district, Kandal province. T

hey met in the factory

and his parents seemed O

K. N

ow I live with one child only. T

he others live w

ith their family. T

he third child is a tank soldier in Preah Vihear province. T

he fourth child works in Poipet town and

is single. The others already got m

arried. Those who are already

married selected their spouse by them

selves. To avoid any remorse

I have experienced, I could not force them. If they love each other,

if they argue; it is up to them.

MESSA

GE FO

R NEX

T GEN

ERATIO

N

I w

ant to tell all parents in the world to not force the

children’s marriage. If they love each other, let them

marry. A lot

of cases happened as a result of forced marriage, which includes

comm

itting suicide by hanging themselves, drow

ning themselves

and so on. So, please avoid this sort of remorseful act which is

caused by meaninglessly forcing your children to get m

arried. If they m

arried the wrong person, let it be their fault. So, if anything w

rong happened, we can admonish them

. Parents in Cam

bodia and in the world should not force their children to get m

arried. If w

e have little money, organize a sm

all wedding. If we have more

money, organize a bigger one. If you can’t afford any w

edding, just prepare w

orship. Don’t deprive them

of Pka Sla like what

happened to me in Pol Pot regim

e.

If they choose the w

rong spouse, it is their fault. They can’t blam

e us.

134135

N

ame: C

HO

EM SAR

OEM

Age: 65

H

aving five children, two daughters and three sons, and seven grandchildren

H

aving five siblings

Living at N

eang Kok village, Pak Khlong com

mune,

Angkor Seima district, Koh Kong province

Mr. C

HO

EM SAR

OEM

GEN

DER

IS FOR

MEN

AN

D

WO

MEN

136137

GEN

DER

IS FOR

MEN

A

ND

WO

MEN

I am

Choem

Saroem, 65 years old, living in K

oh Kong

Province, Neang K

ok village, Pak Khlong com

mune, A

ngkor Seim

a district, Koh K

ong Province. I have five children, two daughters and three sons. [M

y] wife is Roth M

oly, 63 years old, and all children are m

arried. The youngest child is 25 years old.

[I] have seven grandchildren in total. Most of m

y grandchildren are grow

n up[.] [My] granddaughters are still young, but m

y grandsons are adults. I have five siblings [.] I am

the second child, and the eldest child is m

y sister. I was a policeman before, but

I have been retired for five years since I was at 60 years old.

BEFO

RE TH

E KH

MER RO

UG

E REG

IME

JOIN

ING

THE K

HM

ER R

OU

GE

Before K

hmer Rouge regim

e, I was in K

ampong C

ham

Province, Kang M

eas District, and at that tim

e, I was still studying. In 1970, I quitted m

y study and joint the Khm

er Rouge military.

At that time, I was 17 years old. I joint the K

hmer Rouge because

at that time I heard Sam

dech Sihanouk called for all [his] people to go to Prey M

aki Makea (from

a French term), and during that

time, in short, all people loved Sam

dech Sihanouk very much.

Thus, they went into the jungle. Because of the indoctrination of

the Khm

er Rouge leader, I totally believed in Khm

er Rouge and went into the jungle w

ith them.

T

he reason why we truly believed was that it was the US who

was bom

bing. Because during the bombing, it caused death of

our fellow citizens, burned down the settlem

ents of the people, so w

e believed that the US was the supporter of Lon N

ol, who was the betrayer, and it destroyed our C

ambodia. In 1970, follow

ing the coup d’etat, K

hmer Rouge cam

e into the country and helped everywhere they were. Follow

ing the bombing, the housings were

burned down, the people were injured, [and] the K

hmer Rouge

helped bringing them to the hospital to get injection and helped

protecting all the people. All Khm

er Rouge military was created

out of bombing due to the anger and in revenge.

W

hen I joined the Khm

er Rouge military, m

y parents did not know. T

he place where I joined [the military] was in Prey

Chh

or D

istrict, Kam

pong Cham

Province. When Sam

dech appealed to all the people to go into Prey M

aki Makea, we did

not know how the jungle was. We did not notice at all. H

owever, w

hen we went into there and realized that Prey Maki M

akea m

eans Samdech wanted us to cooperate in solidarity [.] It did not

mean going into the jungle. T

he Khm

er Rouge leader did not allow

us to inform our parents or siblings, because [w

e] were

hiding in the jungle in Cham

kar Leu District, K

ampong C

ham

Province. There w

as a big office there, where the high rankings

leaders meet. T

he place was big. All meetings were held there.

All the cadres, including K

hieu Samphan, Ieng Sary, Pol Pot,

and Pol Pot came later. At that tim

e, there were Khieu Sam

phan, H

u Yun, Hu N

oem, who led the m

ovement. T

hey said struggle to release our country from

imperialists w

ith Lon Nol as the head.

138139

DU

RIN

G TH

E STRU

GG

LE AG

AIN

ST LON

NO

L

W

hen I joined them, they assigned m

e to print brochures (propagandize to struggle against Lon N

ol) in Prey Chhor

District and C

heung Prey District, K

ampong C

ham Province.

When I printed all the brochures, it was w

ritten that: “All Khm

er people unite together against the traitor, Lon N

ol”. Being a solider, [I] had to print the brochures and to fight against Lon N

ol m

ilitary. I fought in land areas such as Kam

ong Siem D

istrict, C

heung Prey District, and Prey C

hhor District, K

ampong

Cham

Province. Later, I was sent to Taing Kauk, Baray D

istrict, K

ampong T

hom Pronvice, and later back to C

heung Prey District

and Prey Chhor D

istrict.

At that tim

e, there were gun shots Prav Prav (sound of gunshot) w

ith bombs everywhere. It looked like we were burning Leach

Ptus (a kind of small tree or shrub w

ith hard brittle wood and w

hite flowers w

hich resemble popcorn) at night. It sparked all

over every places, which referred to the gunshot. O

ur side got shot, and the other side also got shot (the South V

ietnamese

troops cooperate with Lon N

ol). In my generation, there were

tanks, aircrafts, and infantry. Lon Nol troops cam

e out each time

with 20 [or] 15 aircrafts, while the tanks cam

e out 30 [or] 40 each tim

e. Khm

er Rouge troops only had a small unit w

ith a small

colonel and around 100 people or 50 people for some units. T

he K

hmer Rouge usually succeed.

Reasons for Success of K

hmer R

ouge

T

he Khm

er Rouge got frequent success because at that time

everyone was painful. Khm

er Rouge was created from the ashes

of bombing by the U

S. Lon Nol (m

ilitary) was not painful since their parents were living in Phnom

Penh, [or] many city areas in

provinces where there was no bombing. For exam

ple, to me, the

aircraft bombing killed m

y parents and siblings and left me alone

[so that I] had to join the military to revenge. T

here was a lot of pain that [people] dared to sacrifice [their] life. For exam

ple, in a brigade w

ith 100 or 50 people, when [their] leader asked “Any com

rade is willing to sacrifice life carrying bom

bs to sacrifice him

self?” We all were w

illing to raise our hand, willing to carry

bombs and clim

b up to explode [the bomb] at the center of Lon

Nol barracks. K

hmer in that generation had powerful m

ind and w

ere willing to kill them

selves. As in Phnom Santuk, one of m

y friend carried bom

bs up, and I was walking at the foothill.

AT THE BATTLEFIELD

W

hen the Vietnam

ese troops came in, I joint the K

hmer

troops and South Vietnam

ese troops, and Khm

er troops are K

hmer Rouge troops. Any barrack had K

hmer and Vietnam

ese troops together. I did not know

how the V

ietnamese cam

e in at that tim

e. [I] did not know w

hether it was K

hieu Samphan

or Samdech Sihanouk who called them

to come. I knew that

the Vietnam

ese came to C

ambodia to fight together w

ith me

(cooperating with each other). In any battle, there were a unit

of Khm

er and a unit of Vietnam

ese. If Khm

er ran away, the

140141

Vietnam

ese would catch them, and if the Vietnam

ese ran away,

the Khm

er would catch them. T

hey were not allowed to escape from

the battlefield during the battle.

[For] the battle at that tim

e, people were said we were young and im

petuous people who were happy and were not afraid of gun shot. W

hen there was gun shot, [they] were willing to run across

it. They were afraid of nothing and were happy. H

owever, it was not know

n who got shot[.] The shooting just kept going on. T

here was one good thing about the K

hmer Rouge that they did not kill

the captives they caught, but they brought them to educate. After

being educated, [they] would be allowed to joint Khm

er Rouge. At that tim

e, there were Nuon C

hea, Khieu Sam

phan, [and] Hu Yon

who imposed this kind of strategy.

At that tim

e, my fam

ily was in Kang M

eas District as norm

al. I w

as there until 1971, nearly 1972. I was injured by the battle and I cam

e for hospitalization. [I] was injured on head and knees. T

hey shot the gun and [I] was hurt by the fragments of the bullet.

[I] came to heal the wound in K

ang Meas D

istrict, but in Reay Pay village, Reay Pay com

mune, because the m

edics were based in Reay Pay com

mune. I was at hospital for around six m

onths. In the hospital, there was proper care and a lot of m

edicine available because the Lon N

ol regime was not poor yet. T

he Khm

er Rouge w

as rich of [food] to eat, medicine and everything. Big bags of

medicine were obtained by attacking Lon N

ol’s barracks, and at that tim

e, Lon Nol got aid from

France and the US. T

he treatment

was quick, but after the treatm

ent, we got a rest, so they did

spiritual indoctrination on us. Later I went back to the military.

Going back to m

ilitary, I went to fight in Skun, Cheung Prey, Prey

Toteung in Kam

pong Cham

, in Treung village, Kam

pong Siem

District.

DU

RIN

G K

HM

ER ROU

GE R

EGIM

E

ROLE O

F A LEA

DER A

ND

CH

AN

GE O

F ROLE

W

hen I was working, I was a leader. A lot of people supported us. W

herever we went, the people cooked chickens and ducks [for us]. T

hey congratulated us. With all the soldiers, we lowered our

rank to the same as them

, joking around as normal, only being

strict in battles. Going to battle for one [or] two days. [T

hey] must

follow the order clearly. A

nyone did not follow w

ould be shot, but there was no one hated [m

e] because at that time, everyone

volunteered, [and we] had one heart, one road to walk together. Later, the leaders were all changed. It was the south-west (Takeo Province) cam

e in. Then the south-west cam

e to take over [the place]. T

hey removed m

e from the battlefield. After leaving the

battlefield, I came to M

inistry of Fishery in Kam

pong Cham

Province. In areas of K

ampong C

ham Province, they assigned

me [a position] in fishery division, and they let m

e in charge of T

hnuos, located in Boeung Thom

, Kam

pong Siem D

istrict, other T

hnous located in Peam M

ouy and Thnous was at Prek D

amrei

Sa, Cheung Prey D

istrict. Thnuos was a place where people put

fishes they obtained from ponds or rivers to supply the m

ilitary troops.

142143

“I was abused three tim

es…”

In 1972, after [I] got injured, they changed m

e to the fishery departm

ent. At that time, there w

as a wom

an chief, named

Com

rade Seth, in the medical departm

ent. She was about 20

years older than me and her husband was a cadre. C

omparing to

nowadays, it is called m

ember of province [com

mittee], but her

husband was not with her. At that time, I was on a boat shoveling

fishes and told subordinated female com

rades to come help [m

e] shoveling fishes. She let a lady com

e calling me. W

hen I reached there, she left a m

essage for me to go to her room

, so I went to wait for her w

ithout knowing anything. She entered the room

after me.

She took of her shirt and everything and said “Help m

e with the

scraping (scraping therapy).” I looked for a coin to scrap her. While

I was scrapping, she said “It was painful. No need to do it.” T

hen, she caught m

y arm and m

ade me lay dow

n, and she started to abuse (rape) m

e. She abused me three tim

es, but it was not only on that one day, but m

any days. For the second and third time,

[she] also used scraping therapy as an excuse. The second tim

e w

as still by force because I did not have any feeling for her. At that tim

e, I thought this wom

an was very bad, lustful, and

shameless. For m

e, at that time, I had bad judgem

ent on women

because I myself had such experience. Later, w

hen any wom

en cam

e to talk to me, I did not want to talk to them

.

And for the force m

arriage, as I thought, it might be because

of her[.] She was afraid that her husband or the Angkar knew. She did not let m

e say anything. She said “If anyone knows

this, you are the one who responsible for it. You have to die.” She

threatened me in different ways. W

e did not say anything. Later, I w

as forced to marry. T

hinking of when I married m

y wife, at the

first night I told her. I said I was not virgin. I had been raped by this com

rade and that comrade, but she did not say anything.

The point that she w

as interested in me w

as …

I did not know deeply [the reasons why] C

omrade Seth was

interested in me, but I m

ight understand deeply a thing that it m

ight be because she trusted that I was a quiet person. I would not tell anyone w

hat I knew. I was not very handsom

e at that tim

e. [I was] dark but young, and my voice, from

then until now, has been reserved and soft. I have never talk in a threatening way. T

here were many other wom

en interested in me. T

he first thing w

as that I was interesting, and the second thing was that I was a leader. T

hat was why those women liked m

e. Anyone who was leader, whether of a sm

all group or whatever, was liked by others. A

t that time, a song was created that [I] only rem

ember a little

“Sakrava Phkar Ruessey, women seem

like going to heaven when they see cadres w

ith small gun.”

MO

RA

LITY IM

POSED

DU

RIN

G K

HM

ER

RO

UG

E REG

IME

T

he morality at that tim

e was heard from one person to

another that there were 12 things which were strictly prohibited. [People] did not even dare to sit and look at each other face. I have rem

embered som

e and forgot some.

144145

1st morality:

Do not touch the people’s property, not

even a chilly;

2nd m

orality: Do not touch wom

en;

3rd m

orality: Do not say anything; plant kapok trees

and banana trees (Whatever we knew, we

could not tell anything from the party to

the people);

4th m

orality: Be loyal to the Angkar;

5th m

orality: Honor the revolutionary society;

6th morality: Be com

mitted to unconditionally serve the

party;

…

And what other things, but I forgot.

FOR

CED

MA

RR

IAG

E

At that tim

e, I did the fishing, [and] they forced me to have

family (w

ife). They assigned m

e to have family for m

any times,

five or six times, but I did not accept. Later w

ith her (wife), I did

not reject and I did not know.

I was able to reject at the beginning. T

he cadres did not force m

e very much at the tim

e. They m

ight think that I used to struggle w

ith them. But later, they did not let us know. I was working at

my place, [and] they opened a conference in K

ampong C

ham

Province. At the end of meeting, they asked a soldier to call m

e. I w

as very scared at that time, scared and curious of w

hat was

happening. [I] asked the soldier, but he did not tell [me]. H

e did not know. H

e only said that the higher ranking Angkar let him

call me. I cam

e with him

at that time on a m

otorbike. When [we]

arrived, the conference was opened. I slept there for one night, and the conference was closed in K

ang Meas D

istrict. We were told

to attend the conference in Kam

pong Cham

. When they brought

me there, they left m

e in a separate office. In that office, I saw three people w

hen I entered. I asked the three people that “For what problem

that you are brought here? How long have you been

here?” When I asked [them

], they did not know either.

All people they brought were m

en. At later night, all twelve people had arrived the place. It was not a place for detention. It was a place for people living norm

ally, but not a house. It was until m

orning that a cadre came to tell us to go to the conference hall.

[We] went out w

ith them [as] we were not allowed to walk by our-

selves. They let three soldiers com

e to take us out. One soldier was

at the front, one at the middle, and the other one at the back.

W

hen 12 of us entered, we saw there were tables arranged properly. T

hen, they let us sit at the table. After all men sat, the

wom

en came out. W

hen the women cam

e out, [I] thought that “H

uh! They are forcing us to marry.” At that tim

e, it was impossible

to reject or say anything. After we all sat down, the cadre let m

e be the head. I was the one who went up to give speech on behalf of the 12 people.

T

hey had all names ready. T

hey called us by name to enter.

There were first, second, nam

ed A, named B, and subsequently.

And the women were also like that, nam

ed A, named B, and sub-

sequently. After they let us go up to swear, they let us hold each other’s hands and stand up in couples. Som

e people were holding

146147

hands, some were holding w

rists, and some others were holding

the Kram

a (cotton scarf). At this point, they did not tell us [what to do], and they did not m

ind whatever we did as long as we held each other, no m

atter what we were holding.

… “sw

ear to serve the Angkar, follow the line of Angkar,

and swear to reproduce the next generation for Angkar”

For the first swear, they let us say “C

heyo (victory)! The G

reat Party! Super G

reat Leap Forward!” the second, “Cheyo (victory)!

Angkar is our parents.” T

he third, “swear to serve the A

ngkar, follow

the line of Angkar, and sw

ear to reproduce the next generation for Angkar.” T

hey wrote it for us to read. W

hen we arrived there, they handed a piece of paper to us to read. If [we] w

ere unable to read, they would read for us to repeat after them.

They let us swear all together, both m

en and women. After the

men finished, the wom

en swore.

… she depended on us, so w

e could not treat her badly

I had never know

n (my w

ife) before the marriage. At that

time, she was wearing clothes which covered all over her body w

ith a scarf covering [her] nose [and] neck and leaving only the eyes, so [I] did not know how she looked like. And after swearing, they let us out. W

e were not allowed to get out seeing each other outside, but to go back to the office, so we went back to the office. At m

eal tim

e, the men and wom

en came out to have m

eal separately.

After having m

eal, in the evening around at 6 pm or 6:30 pm

, the cadres of the wom

en brought the women to the m

en’s place,

and cadres of the men led to hold the wom

en’s hand to enter the place. T

hey prepared rooms for us. At that tim

e, we (my couple)

did not sleep together, but we had a feeling in mind that we got

along with each other. It was not getting along in sleeping together, but getting along in talking, getting to know each other, asking about parents and siblings. T

here was a spy listening to our talk. A

s long as we talked to each other well, we would not have any problem

.

M

y wife was warned many tim

es, but they did not do anything to her. They warned of not sleeping together after m

arriage. On the

third day, we consumm

ated and understood each other’s mind. In

the morning, they called her to their place. At that tim

e, she was a physician. H

er mother was C

hinese-Vietnamese, but her father was

Khm

er. On the first night that I saw her, I was interested. I noted

that my spouse was good that I could live w

ith her, and we had feeling, sentim

ent, and sympathy for each other. After know

ing that her parents were killed, we felt even m

ore sympathetic as she

was alone. She depended on us, so we could not treat her badly.

After the third night, they separated us and let us see each

other once every three months. [W

e] had slept with each other

for one night and would see each other again in the next three m

onths. During that tim

e, [I] quite missed her and kept asking

others. She was a physician in Cheung Prey D

istrict at that time.

She did not study medicals, but she w

as brought to train to be a physician after living w

ith me for three days. She went to the

Ministry of H

ealth, and people at the ministry did m

ail delivery frequently. W

hen they bring the mails there, I always asked them

148149

“How

is my w

ife? My w

ife’s name is this [and that]. ” T

hey said “she is fine!” I knew only this at the tim

e. We could not m

eet each other. T

he villages were far from each other. T

hey were in the sam

e province, but three or four districts far from each other. W

e could take leave and see each other only one day in three m

onths. Later, they were favorable to us that they allowed us to see each other for one day in one or one and a half m

onth. Later, when the south-west cam

e in, they appointed my w

ife to work in a mobile

work brigade in carrying soil and transplanting rice.

THEY TO

OK M

E TO K

ILL

Thinking of when the south-west cam

e in, they put me in prison.

I was im

prisoned because at that time when I was transporting

food to the work site for m

obile working brigades, there w

as accidentally one day [a cart] had its jack broken. C

arts have jacks in them

. When the jack is loosened, the wheel breaks into parts.

We w

ere stuck along the way for two [or] three days until [we]

found a wheel to replace. Therefore, the vegetables in the carts

lost their quality, some were rotten, and so we threw them

away. W

e brought only those which had not lost its quality. When we

arrived, they said that I brought the rotten vegetables which I

had thrown away to the enem

ies.

T

hey put foot cuff on me and brought m

e to kill. They did

not say that they were taking me to kill but they were taking m

e to live w

ith the mobile work brigade in carrying soil and cooking.

They took m

e out of a pagoda in the evening around 5, almost

6 pm. The prison was in O

’ Trakuon Pagoda in Kang M

eas District.

Around one kilom

eter from that place, there was an inundated

forest. [I] thought that “They were not taking m

e to the work site. [T

hey] must be taking m

e to kill.” There were two m

ilitias escorting m

e. They were young, younger than m

e. One of them

w

as holding rifle, and the other one was holding a w

hip used to w

hip cow. Ahead of that there was a big thicket of bamboos.

I pretended that I wanted to urinate. They let m

e urinate, and they stood there waiting. At that tim

e I was wrapped w

ith thread which is not big. T

hey said “You will be in trouble if the thread is

broken.” The thread was quite strong. It was not very easy to break.

At the bam

boo tree, I pretended that I was urinating, and they w

ere also urinating. The m

ilitia holding a rifle was standing next to m

e, but he did not look at me. I laid m

y back to the bamboo

which was sliced in piece like cucum

ber and put [the thread] on it, and it was cut off. T

hen, I quickly grabbed the rifle from him

and hit him

on his nape of the neck. He fell dow

n and the rifle broke into two. T

hen, I ran. The m

ilitia carrying the whip ran after m

e, but he could not get me. I ran into the pond forest. T

here was a boat, so I paddled it to the center of the pond. At late night, around one or two o’clock, I cam

e back to the side [of the pond].

I swam

across the river through Suong, Mem

ut, the Mekong

River. I had two bam

boos, around one meter long, which were

wrapped together, to [help m

e] swim

. I swam across in front of

Koh K

ok in Koh Sotin D

istrict, near Prek Chan. After I crossed

to the other side, I went up the land. There I got to know a lady

comrade, nam

ed Mao, a head of a rubber plantation. She w

as adm

inistrating the Chub rubber plantation. I went to stay in her

rubber plantation. I hided there until the liberalization, and I came

out. She loved me.

150151

POST K

HM

ER R

OU

GE R

EGIM

E

REU

NITE W

ITH FA

MILY

I had a child in late 1978 before the liberalization. [M

y wife]

was pregnant in 1978. In late 1978, [she was] around 7 to 8 months

[pregnant], but she was still working, working until delivery. One

month or m

ore after the liberalization, she delivered a baby. At the tim

e she delivered the baby, I was not with her. W

e had not found each other because at the tim

e of liberalization, we were separated. People at that side were sent to other place, and m

y side were sent to another. At the tim

e of delivery, [I] did not know where [she] w

as. I only heard after she delivered. I heard she delivered a baby, so I went to look for her. I rode a bullock cart to bring her back to K

ang Meas D

istrict. I brought [her] from C

heung Prey District,

but from the other side of the m

ountain which was very far. When

we met, there were only tears. W

e hugged each other and cried. It was the first tim

e I saw my child. N

ow the child is 34 years old.

RELO

CA

TION

At the liberalization [of K

hmer Rouge], I was appointed to

be a police in Kang M

eas District. I had a friend living there.

He incited m

e to be a police. After being a police for one year, I cam

e to Koh K

ong Province. The reason why I cam

e to Koh

Kong was that [I] wanted to go to T

hailand and then to the US.

I did not want to live in Cam

bodia at that time. I cam

e with

my w

ife and child/children. After arriving Koh K

ong, it was hard for m

e to get to [Thailand]. I had tried three tim

es, but it failed

because at that time [I] saw those who went there got their boat

sunk because of gun shot by Thai soldiers along the border. T

hat was why I was afraid and pitied of m

y child/children. [I] loved my

wife and child/children, and was afraid of losing them

, so I endured to stay in K

oh Kong up until nowadays.

JOIN

ING

“K5”

W

hen I came to K

oh Kong, I was registered to K5. [I] went

there for around half month and cam

e back. There were five

people went there with m

e, but only two came back. T

he other three died of land m

ines. Later, they let me be a police, so I could

avoid K5. I came to be a police in K

oh Kong because when I cam

e here there was an acquaintance saying that “W

hat are you doing in this quiet jungle? You should work as a policem

an.” That was

why I became police and later a m

ember of com

mune council.

THE B

REA

K O

F SILENC

E

Later I have never told anyone, even if som

eone asked me.

Before I filed a complaint, I was still in tension. Even after filing

the complaint, com

ing to see teachers earlier, I have never said it. People kept talking and asking m

e, but I never said anything. I w

as lazy to talk because it was meaningless. It was nothing to say

it as it is already the past. Even the rapping thing, I have always been silent. T

he first person I have told is my w

ife, and the second one is the interviewer from

the organization.

152153

It was until we have been educated [on this m

atter] that I started to speak out som

e opinions. It is a relief because there are other people like this too. W

e can relieve our tension after we

speak it out. [We] have felt better little by little up until now. N

ow it is over. Everything is cleared. I told m

y children about force m

arriage, and they were curious. They kept asking.

OPIN

ION

S ON

GEN

DER

EQU

ALITY

In m

y opinion, it is the best thing that everyone, both m

en and women, pays attention to gender. It m

eans to promote

wom

en to be equal to men. H

owever, it must be equal between

men and w

omen. T

here are some shortcom

ings in previous practice. It w

as not shortcomings of law. Law

was created for

good, but some wom

en over exercise [their] rights. For example,

when they have rights, they look dow

n on their husbands, scold their husband, and treat their husbands like slaves.

T

here is such a case that I used to see. The husband as treated

as the wife’s slave. [She] ordered her husband to m

assage her legs and arm

s, [to prepare] hot water and cold water, to wash clothes. [She] even ordered her husband to wash her underwear [laughed]. T

his case happened near my house. I used to visit that fam

ily, and I usually talked in an ironic way. I usually talked to the w

ife or the husband. I always give advice to the w

ife that “Don’t act this

way! When you act this way, your husband is like your slave. [You]

order and trample your husband w

ithout giving him any rights,

and do not allow him to earn for living. H

e would feel ashamed

when there are guests coming if you keep acting this way.” I always

talked this and that, but she seemed to not paying any attention.

T

his case is because (we can say this way) in that family, the

wife has a superior role to the husband. T

he husband is also a po-lice, but the w

ife earns more than a police does. T

hat is way she has greater power according to the am

ount of money she earns.

REC

OM

MEN

DA

TION

ON

GEN

DER

EQU

ALITY

I w

ant to see gender equality, but in a state that both men

and women can do the sam

e, and they should forgive each other. For exam

ple, when the husband is busy or sick or when there is a guest, if the husband is doing business, the w

ife shall lower herself (attitude), welcom

e the guests, talk to her husband by respecting each other. She should not over-exercise her rights. M

en are also like that. T

hey are equal. The husband should use polite words

towards his w

ife. We are m

en with heavier w

eight, working

stronger than women, and for our business m

ind, we can think in longer term

than women do. T

herefore, women is weak sex,

meaning that we have to learn how to behave, speak, live, and

whatever by understanding and forgiving each other, taking care

of each other, and doing anything for the good of our families.

I want to see every fam

ily like this, not only my children and

grandchildren. Nowadays, I am

working at Relief Sans Frontier O

rganization in Koh K

ong Province. I am the C

hairman of the

organization in my province. T

herefore, I understand and learn from

my job and other docum

ents, and I learn more after attending

154155

the meeting. I bring all the docum

ents to spread in the village w

here I live, especially those who I frequently see, such as at

schools, comm

une office, district office, provincial hall. [I] will

promote to all young people to study hard to gain knowledge and

promote gender equality. D

o not judge girls by this and that, and girls do not judge boys. Love each other and treat each other like siblings, relatives, because we are K

hmer as one. W

e prevent sorrow and hardship like in our generation (K

hmer Rouge regim

e). I try to dissem

inate the documents I got when I com

e to the training to teachers at school in order for them

to read it to the children.

I w

ant to say that sexiness is not wrong. It can be pursuit,

but only a small part. Either young people or old people w

ill not draw

much attention when they wear less revealing clothing, but

if we wear revealing clothing, not only young m

en, but also old m

en will staring at [us]. After staring, it w

ill create a feeling which causes m

ind loss. Young people nowadays, either men or wom

en, are curious. Like on phone, they posted sexual things, so when children are grow

n a bit older, they know this thing. However, it

is not that those who dress sexily will be subject to sexual abuse.

They should be respected.

I WA

NT TO

SEE GEN

DER

EQU

ALITY IN

WH

ICH

M

EN A

ND

WO

MEN

CA

N D

O TH

E SAM

E AN

D C

AN

FO

RG

IVE EA

CH

OTH

ER.

156157

N

ame: H

ENG

KEAM

Age: 57 years old

C

ambodian-C

hinese

H

aving Nine children; currently there are six, three

boys and three girls. Three children with previous wife.

There are nine grandchildren.

Mr. H

ENG

KEAM

I WA

NT TO

SPEAK

OU

T,

BU

T I DO

N’T H

AVE

AN

OPPO

RTU

NITY

158159

I WA

NT TO

SPEAK

OU

T, B

UT I D

ON

’T HAV

E AN

O

PPOR

TUN

ITY

My nam

e is Heang K

eam, 59 years old. I live in Prey K

ek village, Phnom

Khjong com

mune, K

ampong Trach district,

Kam

pot province. My current w

ife is Chuon Yim

, 61 years old. W

ith my current w

ife, I have six children, three boys and three girls. W

ith my previous pdach nhar w

ife (wife who he m

arried during the K

R), I had three daughters. So I have a total of nine children. T

he children with m

y previous wife now

have six grandchildren and now I have three m

ore grandchildren. So I have a total of nine grandchildren. Each child has work or has their ow

n business. Both children and grandchildren rarely come to

visit me, like once every one or tw

o years. So we rarely m

eet face-to-face, but we m

eet mostly on the phone. C

hildren of my

previous wife resided w

ith my previous m

other-in-law w

hen I got divorced, while I cam

e to live with m

y father. My ex-w

ife w

ent to live with her new

husband and at that time the kids

were young, so they just stayed w

here they were and did not

follow their new

father. They lived w

ith their grandmother.

My ex-w

ife is a half-blood Cam

bodian-Chinese and I am

a half-blood C

ambodian-C

hinese too, while my current w

ife is Khm

er.

BEFO

RE K

R REG

IME

D

uring KR regim

e, I was about 15 years old. It w

as about three or four m

onths into 1975 that the KR seized control over

Kam

pot province. My father w

as a Lon Nol soldier and w

as stationed at K

ampong Trach and transferred to Spean T

hom

(Vietnamese border). T

hen he was transferred to Chakrei Ting,

then to Kep. M

y mother and I m

oved with him

all the time,

which later to Torn H

orn, to Prek Chik. I w

as aware of those

things as I was about 17 years old at that time. I had m

oved with

him to K

ep. When m

y grandparents visited my father at K

ep, I followed them

. I had lived with m

y grandparents since then and had never been back to m

eet my parents. W

hen my father

was a soldier, I did not follow

him so m

uch, as I spent most of

the time w

ith my grandparents. W

hen I was living w

ith my

grandparents, they had another two children, a boy and a girl, as w

ell as my other younger brother. T

hey were quite old at that tim

e and I had to do a lot of work including pulling, transplanting the seedlings and plow

ing the fields.

D

uring KR

regime, I w

as old enough that I was tasked

with carrying the wounded K

R soldiers, when KR soldiers were

fighting against the Lon Nol soldiers. W

hen the KR seized control

over Phnom Penh or K

ampot, I was asked to work at C

hakrei Ting station, called Svay D

on Soy. When K

R soldiers were fighting against Lon N

ol soldiers, I was in Prey Kek village. I was stationed

there to carry the wounded KR soldiers who were fighting against

Lon Nol soldiers at C

hakrei Ting cement factory. At that tim

e, I w

as stationed there with approxim

ately 20 other youths. During

that time, K

R soldiers w

ere fighting at night only. The fight

against Lon Nol soldiers w

as in Kam

pot province. Wounded

soldiers were carried to the stations which were located at half of kilom

eter intervals. KR soldiers who were wounded or killed

were carried in the hamm

ocks one after another.

160161

DU

RING

KR REGIM

E

During K

R regime, I joined the youth unit. I was at K

anthor, w

here I had to dig canals, carried soil from the canals in dry sea-

son while in the rainy season, I had to build dikes and carrying this and that, like at Phnom

Prasat. And I just did whatever in-structed by the village or com

mune chief.

FORC

ED M

AR

RIA

GE

I m

ade a comm

itment as required but I did not love her as

a wife. T

here were nine couples w

ho made the com

mitm

ent, both new farm

ers and base people. The com

mitm

ent ceremony

was done at about 8 or 9 am

. All other couples w

ere getting along before they m

ade the comm

itment. So people were only

waiting to see my couple as other couples had already gone. W

hen the chief of village or com

mune arrived, they read out the nam

es for people to m

ake comm

itment. People were sat in row

s like in a school’s classroom

s.

It was about 1977, which I was not really sure. It was done

at a Khm

er house on the main street. W

e were there and w

ere sat dow

n like school children on two rows, one at the front, the

other was right behind; while the chief sat near the wall. Each couple stood up and m

ade a comm

itment. M

y couple was the last. T

he men and wom

en spoke up their opinions during the comm

it-m

ent ceremony. W

hen it was my turn, I stood up and said to the

chiefs of unit and village that, ‘Angkar offers me the partner and I

comm

it to love her into the future. I will work hard for Angkor,

days and nights without fear.’ O

r ‘Angkor offers me the partner.

So I comm

it to serve Angkar days and nights.’ We just had to

find something to say, as it was required. O

ur partner had to say som

ething too.

M

y wife was newly evacuated to that area and was called

‘new farm

er’ because she was related to new

people (17 April people). H

er sister lived in Kam

pot town w

hen Pol Pot seized control over K

ampot. T

hey both were considered new

people. M

y father was a soldier. So I was married to new people too. M

y w

ife did not seem to love m

e and I did not love her too. During

that time, we did not seem

to have any love for each other; we just worked no m

atter if we had enough to eat or not. But anyway, it had already been arranged by Angkar, we could not refuse. I had som

e feeling for her once too, but she did not reciprocate the feeling, as she loved another m

an in the village. They seem

ed to com

e to an agreement already but was not allowed by Angkar.

After m

aking that comm

itment, we went dow

n from the house

and ate the prepared meal. After eating, we were allowed to go

back home and I followed m

y wife. W

e arrived home in a norm

al m

anner, we slept in a normal m

anner. We did not consum

mate

because she did not seem to love m

e and I also did not force her either. W

hen they suspected that my w

ife and I did not get along, they sent C

hhlop to spy. At night, they came to listen to us at m

y m

other-in-law’s house. While I was walking to work, they kept

asking about me and m

y wife not getting along or consumm

ating. I rem

ained silent but they kept following us. After seven or eight

months, we started to get along and we eventually had three children

together. We did not get along for the first seven or eight m

onths.

162163

But, because w

e did not tell others about this, they thought w

e were getting along. Soon after we got along, we had to work

separately again. She went to women’s unit; I went to m

en’s unit as we were no longer in youth’s units.

AFTER K

R REG

IME

FAM

ILY SEPAR

ATION

In 1985, it was a K5 regim

e. I had three children aged about five or six. W

e did not get along well. She seemed to love another

man, and she detached from

me. I was still working on the rice

fields. When I was free from

farming work, I wented to find other

job in Kam

pong Som and returned to m

y hometow

n before the K

hmer N

ew Year in order to start work on the farm to earn m

oney to buy a pair of calf and built this house as m

y mother-in-law’s

house was very small. I went to work and m

y wife got separated

from m

e.

At that tim

e, she seemed to have another m

an while I was going to work in K

ampong Som

. Villagers told me that m

y wife

was being beautiful this or that way. But I did not say anything.

I just advised her, but she did not seem to follow and I had to go

far away for work again. It kept getting worse. So we went to find solution at the village chief’s house. T

he village chief tried to get us reconcile and I kept adm

onishing her not to act wrongly, which

made her rem

ain silent. I stayed alone next to my m

other-in-law’s house. T

hen I came to live w

ith my father. W

ith that, she got angry w

ith me and we went to the village chief’s house for a solution

again. The next day, she brought the children and her m

other to her sister’s house in K

ampot. I returned to m

y father’s house. Later I allowed her to com

e back and live with each other again.

T

hen, she joined a group for lakhon performance and she

had to train and rehearse the performance. M

y mother-in-law

provided beautifying services. She was hired to beautify the

performers while m

y wife had loved one of the perform

ers since in K

R regime, but they were not allowed to get m

arried. The guy

trained and performed. H

e came to m

y mother-in-law

’s house w

hen they were training and his frequent visits made them

get along. After I returned from

K5, they ran away with each other.

ABO

UT K

5

W

ith the establishment of K5, I was sent to join. T

hose who did not want to join had to escape from

their house. Two or three m

ales for a village were m

ade to join, and I had joined for six m

onths. Initially, I went to Kam

pot for two nights. Then we were

given some food and som

e materials before getting on the BE

boat at the Old Bridge to head to K

bal Chhay, where we had to be

unloaded from the boat and continued on foot along the m

ountain foot to Am

pil Pram D

oem m

ountain, bordering Thailand. D

uring that walk, we had our ow

n backpack stuffed with clothes, cigarettes

and food.

[…

] In civilian clothes, we spent about one day walking before we arrived at about 2 or 3 pm

. When we arrived, we had

to set up the hall and we were allocated different locations, which m

eant those from K

ampot had to be in a num

ber of locations

164165

there (people from one com

mune were placed at one location,

which was under the Vietnam

ese control. We had to cut dow

n trees to build the hall and fences. W

e had to build the trenches on the m

ountain while the Thai soldiers were at the foot and on

the top of the mountain. C

ambodia was still fighting against the

KR

. KR had not defected yet. W

e had to build the trenches and cut dow

n big trees to make fences on the top of the m

ountain, called Am

pil Pram D

oem. O

n that mountain, there were all m

en who were from

various districts of each province. Chiefs of village

or comm

une were directing the way. There were Vietnamese soldiers

along the border too. The Vietnam

ese buried mines underneath

the ground along the Khm

er-Thai borders. K

R soldiers also buried m

ines; our soldiers did it too. The m

ines that I saw taken there were m

ostly kind of mines called m

in hip and min chheur.

I have never understood about this word K5. I just heard about

it and called it so. I had to make a m

arriage comm

itment during

KR regim

e and had to join K5. K5 was something that we had

to go to clear the forests on the mountain and I never understand its

full meaning. Som

e people suffered from m

alaria. I was infected by m

alaria too; some people suffered to death. O

ne day, during the break tim

e at about 5pm, I went to wash m

yself. When I went

down to the stream

, I was carrying a 30-liter water container, so that I could com

e back with half the container of water for use.

After washing m

yself, I felt chilled with a fever intensely. I asked

others to help to treat my sickness. But I did not feel any better,

but worse. At night, I got hot and cold continuously all over my

body. Nearing the end of m

y mission, I had to sleep in the accom

-m

odation, while those who had to work just went out to work

normally. At m

eal time, they cam

e to tell me to go and eat. I could

barely eat anything and could not stand the smell of those foods.

My body got higher and higher tem

perature.

So, I just had to rem

ain sleeping until the day I was transferred elsewhere. From

Ampil Pram

Doem

to Kbal C

hhay, a lot of people w

ere to be transferred too. I was allowed to get on BE boat and w

as quivering constantly. I was sent from K

bal Chhay at about 2

or 3 pm through K

oh Kong. It took about the whole day and night

before I arrived at Kam

pot at about 3 pm.

W

hen I arrived at Kam

pot hospital, I saw only other people’s w

ives who came to visit their husband from

K5, but not for me,

as my w

ife had gone with another m

an already (with a sadden

face …).

I w

as instructed to get hospitalized as an in-patient, so I got m

y luggage ready. But it seemed I was allergic to the sm

ell of m

edicines, as I have never got sick since I was young. I had never taken m

edicines and I was afraid of needle too. At about 3 pm,

food was delivered to the room

and I saw a fly in the soup. I

thought, ‘how can I eat this soup with fly, while I did not feel good

with the sm

ell of the medicines?’ T

hen I walked to the east of that hospital to ask for rice from

a few old women who were doing the

cooking something, which I thought at least I could get a bowl of

rice, as I could not eat those food delivered in the hospital. I then approached the old wom

en and asked them, ‘aunty, can I have a

bowl of rice? I could not eat in the hospital. I could not stand the

smell of those m

edicines. I am sick, as I just got back from

K5 m

ission.’ They gave m

e rice. Then I asked for som

e sour fish soup

166167

mixed w

ith tomato and wax gourd. First I just tasted, then after

a few spoons, I continued until the bowl was empty and returned

to my ward. I kept going to eat there the follow

ing days until I got recovered and discharged from

the hospital. The m

edicines started to take effect and I could eat well. I was staying there for about a m

onth to a month and a half. I was m

issing my w

ife and my

children. I saw other women com

ing to visit their husband, while for m

e, no one including wife, children and m

other came to visit

me. I had to solely depend on m

yself, while I had no money at all.

I only ate my m

eal during meal tim

e. After another blood test, I was discharged from

the hospital. I still feel some pain in m

y ears, like having a cricket in them

, and I could not do any heavy work. A

fter getting out of the hospital, I had a black plastic bag to stuff m

y clothes in. When I arrived at Ro Eang village check point, I

got on a car to travel to the village to catch another car to get to K

ampong Trach. From

Kam

pong Trach, I had to walk along the railway before I arrived at m

y parents’ house. During that tim

e, there was no m

otorbike.

SECON

D M

AR

RIA

GE

O

ne year after the recovery, my grandfather wanted to find a

wife for m

e, as my w

ife had gone away with her second husband.

We got broken up since before I got out of hospital. M

y children w

ere living with m

y mother-in-law while I was living w

ith my

parents. I got remarried a year later. Looked like it was predestined.

My second w

ife made a m

arriage comm

itment during Pol Pot

regime and her husband joined the lakhon perform

ance. In the perform

ance, he performed in a scene where he had to get m

arried

and turned to love that performer in real life and ran away w

ith that wom

an. As a result, she had to raise her three children alone. M

y grandfather arranged that marriage for m

e, which I did not refuse. N

ow we are still married. I have three children and she has

three children too. We got broken up because of the sam

e account related to lakhon.

For m

e, I am not angry w

ith that. I think it was fate. It was m

y bad Karm

a. Our spousal life had to end there. It was because

she did not love me. To be disappointed is norm

al, but it was my

Karm

a. I was embarrassed as I did not have a chance to have a

proper wedding in this life. But we couldn’t do anything as it was the K

R who had everything under their complete control (speaking

with a sadden face …

).

M

y ex-wife was a C

hinese half-blooded and beautiful. Living w

ith her until we got three children, I had never heard anything from

her about the disappointment from

the marriage com

mitm

ent at all. She just kept silent and I had never asked her about that. W

e both just kept silent. She stayed at home and did farm

ing w

ork like pulling and transplanting the seedlings and I went to w

ork in Kam

pong Som. I used to talk to her, ‘we did not have a

wedding during K

R regime. If we broke up, what would happen

to our children?’ But she did not say anything. When I talked

to her about her wrong behavior when having relationship w

ith another m

an, she also kept silent. And we had never exchanged strong voice or used any violence. N

ow she lives in this village with

her latter husband. I met her too but I never asked about anything

and she did not ask anything too. Actually we were not talkative

168169

person. Her living condition is better off while, for m

e, I just live a norm

al life.

W

ith my latter w

ife, we did not organize a wedding. It was just a food offering to the ancestors’ spirit for one m

orning, not a big wedding as we both had three children each and we were not very well financially too. W

e had pig’s head, pka sla, and we were sitting together as a couple to pray. W

e invited a few dozens of guests too. W

e did not wear traditional wedding dresses or clothes and w

ithout beauticians. We were just wearing norm

al clothes. After that cerem

ony, I moved to live w

ith my latter w

ife. Before, I lived in a village in the south. But now I live w

ith my latter w

ife. For this land, we just bought after we had earned som

e money.

M

y latter wife seem

s to love me. W

hen my grandfather was

proposing her, she did not refuse the proposal because her husband had another w

ife and she seemed to want to have another husband

too. Because she did not refuse the proposal, the parents then organized this cerem

ony for us.

WA

NT TO

SPEAK U

P, BUT THERE IS N

O CH

AN

CE

I don’t force m

y children. My daughter who was working in

Thailand chose her ow

n lover, who she knew and met in T

hailand. I asked her if she loved the m

an and she did not refuse. Then the

man’s parents m

ade the proposal and we organized the wedding for them

. My other children chose their ow

n lovers too.

M

arriage during KR regim

e does effect the people, as for m

e, I did not have any feeling about it since after the marriage.

Nowadays, if the children or grandchildren failed to get a traditional

wedding ceremony, I feel it is not com

plete, in my opinion.

I have never told m

y children or grandchildren about forced m

arriage in Pol Pot regime. But I have told them

about marriage of

older people. I would tell them that in the 1960s, before a wedding,

for example, som

eone proposed the daughter of uncle A or uncle B. T

he pounded rice was prepared about half a month earlier, as

we did not have a machine. T

his was done at the women’s house to

prepare for a wedding. We m

obilized people to make chopsticks,

which m

eant villagers helped each other to cult some plants/trees

to make chopsticks as there were not chopsticks to buy. I often

tell young people about that, whether they would believe or not. I often tell about history as m

uch as I know and remem

ber from the

time I was young and when I joined wedding cerem

ony with m

y parents. But I never tell about m

y marriage com

mitm

ent, even to m

y children. I thought I would tell them one day when they are

together. But when they were together and I told them, they were

not very interested, so I gave up. When they cam

e to my house

during Pchum Ben, I always wanted to tell them

about my history

because if we do not tell them, they w

ill not know anything.

For m

e, I love all the children, boys and girls and equally w

ithout bias. I also love my previous three children as equally as

the latter children. But my previous three children did not seem

to love m

e. They love their m

other and the latter father. But I am

fine with that. T

hey know where my house is, so if they want

to come and visit, it is up to them

. They did occasionally com

e to their m

other’s house when they returned from Phnom

Penh.

170171

They stayed there and ate there. If they com

e to me, they would

spend about half an hour to talk about this and that and gave me

some m

oney. Then they went back. I always want to ask them

to stay for som

e meals, so that I could tell them

about my m

arriage com

mitm

ent in KR regim

e, but that time never com

es (speaking w

ith a sadden face …).

For m

e, it is important to tell our story to our children, so

that they know how their parents come to live together, w

ith a wedding or w

ithout a wedding, how we broke up and so on. This

is not to blame anyone; it is just to get the children to know about

our stories. My first three children never stay overnight here; only

my current children som

etimes stay overnight. I want them

to stay here overnight, so that I can tell them

about how we came to live

together and the root causes of it. But they have never stayed here, so I have never told them

too.

MA

RR

IAG

E REG

ISTRATIO

N M

AK

E IT LEGA

L, BU

T W

E ALSO

WA

NT TO

KEEP TH

E TRA

DITIO

N!

172

PRO

DU

CED

BY:IN

CO

OPERATIO

N W

ITH:

INTERV

IEWED

AN

D PR

EPAR

ED BY:

1. M

rs. YIM Sotheary

Program C

oordinator

2. M

s. CH

EA Sang

Project C

oordinator

3. M

s. TEL C

handi

Gender O

fficer

ASSISTED

BY

:

1. M

s. Soeu Sreyroth Intern

2. M

r. EM C

hoeum

Intern

REV

IEWED

BY

:

1. M

r. TIM

Minea

Executive D

irector

2. M

rs. YIM Sotheary

Program C

oordinator

3. M

s. CH

EA Sang

Project C

oordinator

CO

VER

PICTU

RE:

Painting of “Wom

en and Rem

embrance” by M

r. Saing Nan

CO

NTA

CT:

Office:

#69, Sothearos Blvd, Sangkat T

onle Bassac,

K

han Cham

karmon, Phnom

Penh

Tel:

(+855) 23 696 65 12) | (+855) 23 555 09 25

E-mail:

info@kdei-karuna.org

Website:

ww

w.kdei-karuna.org

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