Fostering the Sexually Abused Child

What is Child Sexual Abuse?

Any forced or tricked sexual contact by an adult or older child with a child

Perpetrator is usually in position of power or authorityPhysical force generally not usedTrusting relationship exists between perpetrator and victim in a vast majority of cases

Prevalence of Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse of children is extremely common world-wideIn the U.S., approximately:

1 in 3 girls is sexually abused before the age of 181 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 141 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18

Types of Sexual Activity

Open mouth kissingTouchingFondlingManipulation of genitals, anus, breastsMay include intercourseMay be child forced to perform acts, but not touched themselves

Is touching always involved?

Experience Attitude imposedSomething that gets in the way of healthy sexual development

Explaining sexual encounters in detailPromising to be a life partner

Ritualistic abuse / Satanic abuse

Is sexual abuse common?

Estimates are 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 8 boys experience some form of sexual abuse prior to age 18Rates believed higher for youth in careSome youth abused prior to care, abused again while in care

Physical signs of sexual abuse

Scratches, bruises, itching, rashes, cuts, or injuries, especially in genital areaVenereal diseasePregnancy in (young) adolescentsDischarge in bedding or clothes

Behavioral signs of sexual abuse

Aggressive behavior towards younger childrenAdvanced sexual knowledge for ageSeductive or “sexy” behavior towards adults or peersPseudo-mature behavior

Girl who is 8, dresses like a 16 year old and acts that wayBoy who attempts to be mother’s “man”

Behavioral signs of sexual abuse

Regressed behaviorExcessive mastrubationPoor relationships with peersFear of a particular person, place or thing (i.e. bathroom, bedroom)Sudden or extreme changes in behaviorEating disorders

Additional behavioral signs in pre-teens and adolescents

Self-mutilation (repeated picking at scabs, cutting self with razor blade, bite finger/arm, burn self)Threatening or attempting suicideUsing drugs or alcoholBeing prudish (avoids any sexuality, not seeing self as a sexual being in any way)ProstitutionFire-settingLying, stealingRunning awayIsolating self, dropping friendsPre-occupation with death

Signs in children who have been ritualistically/satanically abused

Bizarre nightmaresSadistic play (i.e. mutilation of dolls or small animals)Self-mutilationPre-occupation with deathIncreased agitation on certain dates which represent satanic holy daysConstant fear of harm and extreme fear of being alone

Are all children affected equally?

Guidance and support can help a child recover and live a happy, successful life with loving and trusting relationships. Factors that influence child’s trauma and subsequent healing process:

Age of child when abuse beganRelationship of primary perpetrator to childHow long abuse occurredWhether violence was involvedSocial system available to child at time of abuseEgo development of child at time of abuse

Special issues for boys

Males rarely viewed by society as the “victim”Boys constantly told, “act like a man” or “don’t be a sissy”Messages tell boys to stand on their own two feet, so males less likely to tell Media can celebrate sexual experiences with older women as a “rite of passage”

Juvenile sex offenders

Some children who have been sexually abused go on to abuse other childrenImportant to realize these children and victims as well as offendersTriggers precede behavior (i.e. when s/he is in a vulnerable or stressful situation)Past experiences may have left the child overly sexually stimulated, creating the need for education on alternative positive behaviors

Self-awareness is key

If there is a history of sexual abuse in the past, how were those experiences resolved?

Unresolved issues result in potential abuse or distance from child who was a victim

How comfortable are you, as prospective parents, with your sexual relationships?

Child who has been sexually abused may need to talk about what happened, or may have seductive or sexual behavior at times

What else should Foster Parents know?

Be willing to “be different” or experience embarrassing situations

Children who have been sexually abused may behave differently towards foster/adoptive parents than non-abused children

Be able to wait for the child’s commitment without putting off making your own

Abused children are often untrusting, may test your commitment repeatedly

Have a sense of humor

What to be aware of about the child

Child who has been sexually abused may feel:

I am worthless and badNo person could care for me without a sexual relationshipI am “damaged goods”I must have been responsible for the abuseI hate my bodyI am uncomfortable with being touchedI think I imagined the abuseI blame my biological parent(s) for not protecting me, but don’t want to talk about it

Some behaviors and emotions you may see expressed are:

Withdrawal

Mood swings

Anger

Unreasonable demands

Sexual behaviors

Creating safe environmentsPrivacy: children should be taught to knock and respect privacy,adults need to role model thisBedrooms and bathrooms: these locations can be prime stimuli, use caution with children of the opposite sex sharing after first gradeTouching: no one should touch another person without permission,private parts not touched by othersClothing: be conscious of what is worn outside the bedroom, seeing others in underclothes or pajamas may be stimulating to child who has been sexually abusedSaying “no”: children need to know it is their right to say “no”Sex education: all children need to know basic information about how they develop sexually and appropriate words for body partsNo “secrets”: be clear that no secret games, particularly with adults, are allowedBeing alone with one other person: if your child is behaving seductively, aggressively or in a sexually acting out manner, do not put yourself in this high risk situationWrestling and tickling: keep to a minimum as tickling and wrestling can put the weaker child in an overpowered positionBehaviors and feelings: help children differentiate between behaviors and feelings – it is normal to have all kinds of feelings, but not every feeling is ok to act upon

Seeking professional help

Stay in close contact with therapistChoose a therapist who is familiar with sexual abuse as well as fostering / adoption issuesSupport groups can be helpful

Healing

Recovery from sexual abuse is an ongoing processDevelopmental stages can trigger old feelings or memoriesProvide your child with new and positive experiencesThose who have made the commitment to parenting a sexually abused child say the rewards of helping a child grow into a healthy, vibrant adult are very satisfying

Recommended reading for children

Freeman, Lory. It’s My Body. Parenting Press, Inc., Seattle, WA, 1982.Gil, Eliana. I Told My Secret: A Book for Kids Who Were Abused. Launch Press, California, 1986.Hindman, Jan. A Very Touching Book … for Little People and for Big People. McClure-HindmanAssociates, Durkee, OR, 1985.Satullo, J. It Happens to Boys Too. RCC Berkshire Press, 1989.Sweet, Phyllis. Something Happened to Me.Mother Courage Press, Racine, WI, 1981.Sweet, Phyllis. Alice Doesn’t Babysit Anymore.McGovern and Mulbacker, Oregon, 1985.

Recommended reading for foster parents and professionals

Bass, Ellen and Davis, Laura. The Courage to Heal, A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. Harper and Row, New York, 1988.Gil, Eliana. Outgrowing the Pain. Launch Press, California, 1983.Gil, Eliana. Children Who Molest: A Guide for Parents of Young Sex Offenders. Launch Press, California, 1987.Lew, Mike. Victims No Longer: Men Recovering From Incest and Other Sexual Child Abuse. Nevraumont Publishing Company, New York, 1988.Maltz, Wendy and Holman, Beverly. Incest and Sexuality. Lexington Books, Lexington, MA, 1986.McFadden, Emily Jean. Fostering the Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused. Eastern Michigan University, Ypsilanti, MI, 1986.McFarlane, Kee and Cunningham, Carolyn. Steps to Healthy Touching: A Treatment Workbook for Kids, 5-12 Who Have Problems With Sexually Inappropriate Behavior. Kidsrights, Mount Dora, FL, 1988.Parents Anonymous of Delaware. All in My Family. Parents Anonymous, DE 1987,

Other resources

Child Information Gateway offers a resource listing of national organizations providing information and resources on child sexual abuse on its website:

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/rl_dsp.cfm?subjiD=83&rate_chno=11-11214

POST TEST1. True or False (circle one):

T F Children who have been sexually abused usually know and trust the perpetrator.T F Touching is always involved when children are sexually abused.T F Children who have been sexually abused will not be able to develop loving, trusting relationships in the future.T F Communication with the child’s therapist is important.T F Boys are just as likely to report sexual abuse as girls who are abused.T F Children who have been sexually abused may be angry or make unreasonable demands on caregivers.

2. Name two physical signs of sexual abuse:3. Name three behavioral signs of sexual abuse:4. How should you prepare to parent a child who has

been sexually abused?5. Name three tips for creating a safe environment for

the sexually abused child: