Expectations vs Reality

Part 1

Expectations. You meet him in a deli. He is sitting there across the room, reading his Pride and Prejudice, and you smile because it’s also your favorite book. He looks all dandy with his blue shirt and sweater. You steal several glances to him from behind your magazine while The Look of Love by Diana Krall is playing in the background. Suddenly he gets up from his seat. Automatically, you follow his gesture and head to the door. You know it’s universe’s conspiracy when you bump into him just next to the cashier. His book falls with a soft thud and you instinctively reach for it. A brief electric current runs to your fingers when you feel a hand touching yours. You look up to see a pair of beautiful brown irises staring right at you. Then he flashes a smile, sending a bigger wave of electric current to your weak heart. “Hello, there,” he says. In 3 seconds, you have fallen in love with him. Reality. Jessica keeps ‘eww’-ing here and there. Her hands carefully pick out some certain pieces of green vegetable from her sandwich, while in front of her, a woman is bawling her heart out. “Why do they have to include so many of this ewwww awful veggie ewwww—“ “And I don’t know why, Jessica. Why? I mean…I love him! I said that to him—“ “Seriously. I’ll never go to this restaurant anymore.” “He just left! I tried to ask him what’s wrong—“ “The music also sucks. Who would listen to Metallica while eating bacon? That’s just…wrong?

Right?” “I know it must be that fcuking b!tch! I know it! He must’ve left me for her!” “Hey, can you set the air conditioner temperature lower? I’m sweating like a pig here—“ “JESSICA JUNG!” The girl with the brown hair flinches when her crying friend slams the table. For a moment, Jessica just blinks. She’s sure the lady across her is already gripping the glass, ready to stuff it to her face. “Damn you, Sica. I brought you here to listen to me. Not to rant about some fcuking cucumber sandwich.” “That’s where it went wrong, Soo. You know I hate—“ “Can you just shut up and listen?!” Jessica sighs, crossing her arms. “Okay. Just a reminder though, I’ve already told you to leave that ********* since long long time ago.” “But he was so nice back then. And gorgeous… and sweet…” Jessica refrains herself from rolling her eyes. She stabs the poor slices of cucumber to channel her energy instead. Silently, she decides to plug in invisible earbuds. Sooyoung’s story has been repeated at least 4 times a month with the ending that the tall woman gets back to that assh0le’s arms every single time. It has become so cliché and boring that Jessica is sure watching her grandmother cutting carrots will be more exciting. That’s when Jessica catches a sight of a girl approaching from the other side of the room. Her face sports a wide—a bit awkward, Jessica thinks, smile that looks like that stupid cartoon character, Totoro. She’s holding a pink-cased iPad and her nails are also pink that Jessica notices. Her hair is tied into a very messy ponytail like she just rolled out of the bed and she’s so sweaty that Jessica suspects she just finished jogging from Hawaii—if that’s even possible. Jessica is wishing that the girl will pass on her table when she stops exactly right there instead. “Ddoyoungiee!!”

“Ddilfany!!” Jessica is baffled when the girl screams followed by another scream. She closes her eyes for a second, and the next thing she knows Sooyoung is already hugging and jumping with the stranger. “Omo! When did you arrive? Why didn’t you call me?” “Last week! I lost your number! Oh my gawwd, it’s so fortunate I found you here! I need to tell you a lot of things!” “Yes! Of course. We have a lot of catching up to do! I missed youuu, Fany! Glad to have you back here.” “I missed you too, Sooyoungiee!” Jessica is sitting there with a blank look on her face before Sooyoung finally turns to her. Sooyoung’s grim and overly mellow face now is replaced by a 100 watt smile. “Oh! Let me introduce you to Jessica. Jessica, this is Fany, my best friend from college. And Fany, this is Jessica, my friend since…well, forever. You guys must have heard about each other from me.” Jessica stares at the outstretched hand before her eyes. “Hello! My name is Tiffany Hwang. It’s nice to meet you!” The volume is so loud that a few heads turn to the three of them in an instant. Jessica mentally facepalms. In 3 seconds, Tiffany has given her a headache. *** Expectations. You meet him again one morning, on your way to work. You two hold a cup of coffee and he smiles at you in front of the shop. He remembers, you know it. Your name.

More than anything, you know it’s fate. Then you walk together to the subway station. He looks even better with his suit and the briefcase. He smells like Bvlgari Aqua and you want to hug him right here right now. Your heart beats so fast it can jump out of your chest any second. He tell you about his job, his favorite music, and you tell yours. “I’ll see you soon,” he says as he boards to the train. But not before slipping a piece of paper to your grip. His business card. With a complete cellphone number in the back. Reality. Jessica meets Tiffany again when she’s buying groceries. She quickly turns around when she spots the familiar figure wearing a red parka in one of the aisle, but Tiffany is faster. She shouts Jessica’s name—‘Jessie!’ she calls, Jessica winces, and the rest is history. “What do you say you do again?” Tiffany asks while she’s choosing carton milk. She has wisely chosen to tail Jessica wherever the latter goes in the store and Jessica does not really appreciate that but keeps her mouth shut. “I’m a designer.” “What kind of designer?” “Graphic designer.” “Sooyoung said you make web design.” “If you know, why ask?” Jessica throws a box of cereal to her cart. “Just making sure. I work in a magazine, by the way. I just got hired this month.” “Oh…” “Teen magazine. I write a column about sex.”

“Huh?” “STD and stuffs. You shouldn’t have sex before marriage bla bla bla… but if you want to do it anyway please use protection bla bla bla…” “Cool,” Jessica scoffs. “You write about condoms too?” “I’m planning to. Tell the kids they come in different flavors. What’s your favorite?” “What?!” Jessica almost drops the canned soup. “I mean the soup.” Tiffany points at the rows of cans in front of them. She giggles. “What were you thinking?” Jessica doesn’t say anything as she hastily pushes her cart to the cashier. Tiffany’s still following her closely behind. “We should hang out sometimes,” Tiffany says when Jessica is emptying her cart. “I kind of lost contact with my old friends since I left to the states two years ago.” “Oh.” “Can I have your number?” Jessica scans Tiffany carefully. The girl is grinning, already holding her own phone. “No.” Jessica says flat out. Tiffany’s face falls. “And why is that?” “I don’t think that’s necessary. I don’t give out my number to strangers.” “I’m not a stranger. I’m Tiffany who is as a matter of fact best friend of your best friend.” “If you want to hang out with me, you can call Sooyoung.” “Sooyoung will be too busy crying over her ex who will get back to her in the next seven days.” “I think you’re right.”

“So? Your number?” Jessica takes the cellphone and punches the numbers. “I’ll call you!” Tiffany chimes. *** Expectations. You nervously presses dial button. You wait. You can’t hold your smile when his crisp groggy voice is heard from the other side. “Hello?” “H-hi. It’s me. Y-you gave me your number the other day. Did I bother you?” “Oh, hi! No, no!” His tone changes immediately. “Are you sleeping?” “No, no. Just lying down. Long day at work. So—how you’re doing?” You spend the next one hour on the phone, talking about the stuffs, the things you both like and dislike, bits of your life, bits of your family, bits of yourself. You don’t realize that you are grinning from ear to ear hearing his voice. Just his voice makes your heart stops. You can already imagine him sitting next to you. He touches your hand, he sweeps your bangs aside. It’s wonderful. “I can’t wait to see you again,” he tells you. And that alone makes the world more beautiful in your eyes. Reality.

Tiffany hugs her pillow. One of her hands is pressing the phone against her right ear. She waits. “Hello?” Tiffany jerks the phone away from her ear. She checks the number. She seems dialing the right contact. “Hello? Who is this? Hello?” Tiffany still hears the low pitched voice that obviously belongs to a man—an old man, she guesses. “He-hello? Is this Jessica Jung number?” Tiffany musters her courage to ask. “Who?” “Forget it.” Huffing loudly, Tiffany sends her pillow flying across the room. *** Expectations. The lunch is nice. He tells you hilarious jokes, he makes funny faces, he makes you laugh. You don’t realize how long it has been until your friend calls you and reminds you of the plan for tonight. Hesitantly, you tell him that you have to go. But of course, you don’t leave until he makes sure you’ll be spending the weekend with him. Reality. Jessica knows Tiffany doesn’t want to talk to her. While Sooyoung alternately and happily chats

with both of them, there’s no direct contact between Jessica and Tiffany except when the older girl asked for the pepper. Jessica didn’t know that Tiffany would be there when Sooyoung asked her for lunch this morning. And now she’s there, she regrets her decision since Tiffany, whose office unfortunately is in the same block with Sooyoung and Jessica, is also there and seemingly trying to treat Jessica like she’s the hollow man. It’s not that she’s really bothered by that fact. It’s just she feels kind of guilty that she sort of knows why Tiffany is mad at her. “What was that?” Sooyoung’s expression immediately changes after Tiffany goes to the restroom. She’s shooting glares to Jessica who’s trying so hard to appear nonchalant. “What?” “It’s so awkward. Oh my God. Here I thought you two would get along well!” “Oh, come on—“ “It’s your fault! Why did you pull that stupid prank of yours to her, huh? If you don’t want to give her your number it’s fine. No need the childish act!” “I just changed the last digit though. She could try again.” “Sica—“ “Okay, I’m sorry!” Jessica puts down her utensils. Sooyoung shakes her head. “What has she done to you, huh?” “Nothing.” “Then why—“ “I was just kidding, okay? Jesus.” “And she blew on me because that false number sh!t. You better apologize to her.” Sooyoung wipes her mouth with the napkin. “When she comes back, I’ll go to the restroom. You better start

apologizing then. When I come back, I expect a better mood.” Before Jessica can voice her protest, Tiffany appears again. Sooyoung quickly raises up from her seat. “I’ll go to the restroom now.” Jessica gulps. The atmosphere doesn’t get better after Sooyoung leaves. Tiffany still doesn’t look at her and hides her face behind the menu. Jessica clears her throat. “Tiffany—“ No response. “Tiffany— Look, I’m sorry. It was meant to be a joke—somehow. But I’m really sorry. Sooyoung wants us to get along well since, well, you know, you’re here and I think she expects us to spend more time together.” Tiffany puts the menu on the table. She’s looking straightly to Jessica’s eyes with arms crossed. Jessica feels more uneasy under the gaze. “So, I’m sorry. It was a stupid prank. Forgive me?” Jessica does a failed attempt at grinning. She sees Tiffany sighing. “Listen, Jessica. I don’t know what you’re thinking of me. Maybe you think I’m annoying that I’m too loud or that I’m too straightforward that I want to be a good friend of yours. I’ve told you I lost many contacts of my friends here in Seoul. So I was hoping we can be some sort of friends. But you seem to take that as a—joke?” “I’m sorry. It’s not that. I just—“ Jessica pauses. “I don’t know. Can we just put it behind and start over? Forgive me? Please?” Tiffany sips her strawberry juice. “You’re making it up. Sushi this Saturday night. You pay!” “What??” And that’s how Tiffany secures her first date with Jessica.

*** Expectations. The dinner is way better. He picks up at her apartment and takes her to a very nice French restaurant. They order a bottle wine and an expensive main course. It’s perfect. The food, the music, the man, they’re perfect. He makes you laugh again. He holds your hand on the table and you stare at him for so long. Again, you don’t realize how long you’ve been there until the waiter comes and politely asks you to leave because the place is about to close. You two laugh about it and leave with smile still plastered on your face. You never let go of his hand. Reality. Perfect. Because Jessica Jung currently doesn’t have a car—yet, she adds with passion, Tiffany has to be the one to pick her up. And unfortunately, Jessica Jung falls asleep in the bathroom (‘what kind of ******* falls asleep while brushing her teeth?!’ Tiffany spats), so Tiffany has to wait for about one and an half hour before Jessica comes running towards her car with a very damp hair which hasn’t been combed properly. If Tiffany didn’t think that Jessica is cute, which she really is actually, she would just change her mind and go to Burger King alone. That, or listen to Sooyoung’s endless drama about a jerk addressed as her ex. Tiffany understands that Jessica doesn’t consider this as a date of any kind and she can see it from the way the girl’s dressed. Navy blue sweater, torn out jeans, and a pair of very comfortable sandals. She obviously doesn’t put any perfume either. At least she showered, Tiffany thinks in dismay, and she cringes when Jessica combs her hair in the car and a few strands fall to the leather seat. But Jessica is cute. Okay, she’s forgiven. Jessica Jung throws up shortly after she eats. Apparently because the roll has cucumbers in it and the smell is masked by other ingredients so she isn’t aware. And Tiffany has to watch and rub

her back when the girl kneels down in front of the toilet seat with a boiled-crab-red face. Boy, her face is not cute at all when she vomits. And Tiffany has mixed feelings when Jessica unconsciously wipes her mouth with Tiffany’s shirt. This. Is. So. Not. Nice. When the trip to the restroom is over, Tiffany offers to take Jessica to the hospital but she refuses. So they leave the sushi house (Tiffany finally pays for all) and go to a nearby junk food outlet because Jessica says she’s starving. They manage to have the dinner vomit-free eventually. Though they don’t really converse much. Tiffany tries to strike a conversation but it seems like Jessica is more interested in whining about her french fries. On top of that, Jessica burps. Tiffany knows Jessica doesn’t do it on purpose. But still…it’s not a very pleasant image she left there. “What do you want to do after this?” “Hmmm…” “How about movie?” “Err—rain check? I’m not feeling too well.” “It’s really raining outside though.” Tiffany looks dreamily outside the window. The water is pouring down and it’s getting heavier. So they wait there for one hour more with Jessica falling asleep on the table. *** Expectations. He walks you to your door. “Thank you,” you say. You can’t look at him because you’re blushing and feeling shy so suddenly. “I had fun.”

“You’re welcome. I had fun too.” You stand on the front porch. You want to open the door but he is holding your hand. Then he lifts your chin, leans in, and you close your eyes. His lips capture yours. They’re sweet and soft. You kiss him back a bit before pulling away. Your eyes meet and you see that smile once again. Reality . “Bye. Thank you.” Jessica slams the vehicle’s door. She’s only twenty steps away from the car when Tiffany runs after her. “Hey, Jess!” “Huh?” “You left your purse.” “Oh, thanks.” “Hey, Jess—“ “What—OW!” Tiffany gasps. “I was about to tell you to be careful about the glass door.” “Geez. Thank you! Great timing!” Jessica groans while rubbing her forehead. She didn’t see the glass door earlier because she’s busy checking her phone. “What are you doing there?” “Oh, well, okay. Bye again. See you—again? The movie—“ “Call me later.” “Okay. Jess—“ “Wh—OW!”

Tiffany can’t not smile this time. She shakes her head in amusement. How can someone be so—clumsy? Doesn’t see go through this door every single day? Is she stupid? She watches Jessica passes the door after kicking it like it’s the door’s fault. Tiffany laughs. She can’t say this is a fun night. But at least that stupid Jessica makes her laugh in the end. *** Expectations. He calls you every day. “I want to hear your voice,” he admits and something inside you melts. You want to say it back but choose to keep it for yourself instead. “I miss you.” That one always makes your day. Reality. Jessica scrunches her forehead. She taps her desk and observes the display carefully. “Why doesn’t the text color change when I hover my mouse over it?” “Do you want it to change?” “I told you it should go from grey to black. Are you using script for this one? And why isn’t the video loading?” “I’ll work on the video. Must be the format or something.” “Have you worked on the customer feedback page?” “There’s something I want to ask actually—“

“Hold it, Taeng!” Jessica cut her coworker, Taeyeon, when her cellphone vibrates again. It has been the fifth time and Jessica is starting to lose it. She scurries away from Taeyeon to take the call. “What do you want?” “JESSIE!” No kidding, Tiffany is high, Jessica thinks. “You didn’t reply my text so I decided to call you.” “I’m aware of that. Thanks.” Jessica rolls her eyes. “What are you doing?” “Molesting Sooyoung! What do you think I’m doing?!” “How about the movie?” “I’ll tell you about that later, ok—“ “Jessie!” “I’ll call you later!” “You never called!” “Tiffany!” “Jessica!” “I’ll go back to w—“ “Jessie!” “Okay! Okay! Let’s go to the goddamn movie.” “Great! I’ll pick you up at your office.” “And don’t call me again today, okay? I’m working. I’m working!”

“Yeah, yeah, ahjumma. Bye! See you!” Jessica grumpily darts back to her desk where Taeyeon is looking bored waiting for her. “Boyfriend?” the later teases with an annoying smirk. Jessica almost hits her with the keyboard. *** Expectations. He wants to see that action movie while you ask for the rom-com one. The fact that you end up watching horror is kind of confusing but you’re still glad. He hands you his jacket inside the cold theatre. You shyly accept and wear it. It smells like him and your heart just thumps wildly. You don’t like horror so you watch the movie with half opened eyes. You don’t realize you’re clutching his sleeve and you scream when the ghost appears. You bury your face on his shoulder and he laughs. He kisses you in the middle of the movie, in the dark, when you can barely see your surroundings. But you see his eyes and you can feel the sweet wetness on your lips. You don’t care about the horror anymore as you live your own romance movie in the poorly lit room you call the cinema. Reality. “Do you think the guy with the moustache is the killer?” “Shut up.” “But he seems nice. The woman must be the killer. I can see it! She looks fake, you know. She pretends to be innocent—“

“Shut. Up.” “Oh my gawd! Oh my gawd! Oh my gawd! Run! Run! What the hell are you doing there?! God! Ruuun!” “Shut up!” “The stairs! The stairs! Run there you idiot! Oh my gawd!” “Tiffany, can you shut up?! I’m trying to watch a movie here!” “No! No! Nooo! Don’t kill him! Aaaaaaa—“ “Jesus! Don’t pull my sleeve!” “Kick his nuts! Kick! Kick! Throw that hairdryer to his head! No, no, nooo—“ “JESUS! TIFFANY, SHUT UP!” If only the cinema were full, people would have thrown their shoes to Jessica’s face instead. Tiffany, taken aback at first, immediately quiets down. Jessica sighs, trying to concentrate on the movie again. After two minutes of silence from Tiffany, Jessica smiles in victory. “I think the guy in the black sweater will be murdered next. He’s alone a lot. It’s dangerous. Oh my gawd, he’s coming again! Ruuun!” In a miserable moan, Jessica gives up.

Expectations Vs Reality

Part 2

Expectations.

You are inseparable. You realize you miss him every single day, every single second. Your heart grows weary when you don’t hear his voice and it pretty much drives you crazy. You call him the first thing in the morning and you can’t leave your phone at all because you will be constantly texting him. It’s just like high school all over again with your first crush. The days feel better, the weather nicer, the people more bearable. The colors around you become vivid, and you hear romantic songs wherever you go. Falling in love feels like heaven, they say. No, you say. It’s way much better. Reality. Jessica stirs her iced milk tea. The mini ice blocks inside the liquid are crashing against each other and she keeps playing with the purple straw. “So, when are you free?” The woman in front of her is looking at Jessica expectantly. She’s smiling widely and Jessica has to avert her gaze to the nearest flower vase. Lately Tiffany has been using that smile to her a lot and it makes her—uneasy. She doesn’t know if it’s good or bad. Because when Tiffany uses that smile, it means she won’t accept an ‘I don’t know’, ‘I don’t think so’, not even ‘Let me think about it first’—any variations and improvisations of a ‘no’. “I don’t know.” “How can you not know?” Jessica puts a finger on her bottom lip. “Hmm, let me check my schedule first.” “What are you? So Nyuh Shi Dae’s member?” Jessica shrugs, grinning. “They could accept me.” “Yes, they could.” Jessica catches Tiffany muttering. But then the younger girl quickly returns to the subject. “That’s not the point. How about next Saturday?” “Why do you want to go to the Aquarium so much?” “It’s not the Aquarium…” Jessica swears Tiffany’s face turns so red. Like her own face when she eats cucumber accidentally. “I… I just want to spend time with you.”

Jessica thinks it’s pretty obvious. For the past month, Tiffany has been asking her to go out with her so many times. From lunches, dinners, until the morning jogs in the park near Jessica’s place—something absurd because Jessica hates running and Tiffany can’t slow down once she starts (How Jessica agrees is beyond anyone’s logic. But maybe nobody will do once Tiffany-1000 decibel-Hwang is kicking your door and shouts like a mad woman high on estrogen). Tiffany also likes to take her to the movies and indie bands gigs sometimes. While she can’t shut up in the theatre, at least her taste of music is good and Jessica can be a little bit thankful for that. Sometimes Jessica agrees, sometimes she declines. Tiffany has taken up so much of her napping time and she can’t very much appreciate it. (But at least, the girl pays for their meals and Jessica can save more for her vacation plan to Boracay on the end of the year.) On the other hand, Tiffany can’t be more frustrated in asking Jessica out. She knows Jessica likes to spend time with her too (Or she assumes so. Sooyoung says Jessica hates running but they jog together anyway. That’s a good sign—right?). But, boy, she’s playing really hard to get. The last time she asked Jessica to dinner, she said she was spending her time with her close friend. And she was fine with it until Sooyoung said that the close friend Jessica told her was unmistakably her brand new Ace bed and Tiffany might want to check by her apartment to prove it. Often times, Jessica pretends like she’s busy. Jessica will say that she’s in a meeting with a client when suddenly Tiffany hears someone shout ‘Jessica, is the download done? Come on! I want to see my Ppany dancing! Hoot hoot hoot~’ and then Jessica curses. So when she agrees, Tiffany is simply happy. Of course Tiffany was honest when she said she lost many old contacts in Seoul. But even though she has regained many new friends, she keeps missing Jessica and wants to spend more time with the girl. Tiffany thinks she likes Jessica, though she doesn’t exactly know why, apart from Jessica being unbelievably adorable (something Sooyoung scoffs to because she personally thinks Jessica is like Bella Swan – non-horny, Asian version). “So, Saturday? It will be crowded but honestly I can’t think of any other day since you seem to be very busy.” “Hmmm…” “Jess?” “Hmmm…” If Jessica weren’t that cute when she pouted her lips, Tiffany would really like to kiss Jessica’s face with her feet. Or her palms. Or maybe the thick menu book will do. “Okay, forget—” “Can we go to the amusement park instead?”

Tiffany’s eyes light up in a second.

***

Expectations. His hand fits perfectly with yours. He says it’s fate. You can’t be happier when your fingers weave with his. So warm. So right. Yes, it’s fate. Reality. Jessica’s hands are clammy and sweaty that Tiffany has to wipe her own hands on the fabric of her jeans every once in a while. But Tiffany has to be grateful anyway that Jessica lets her hold her hand. Though she also has to suffer from Jessica’s murdering glares when she holds too tight. Tiffany really doesn’t want to let go. “Tiff—“ “Yeah?” “I’m going to the toilet.” “Okay.” Jessica loosens her grip. “Why?!” “What?” “Can I go inside with you?” That’s when something hard (presumably Jessica’s bag) lands on Tiffany’s face.

***

Expectations. He is a good kisser. And you don’t know why but it always feels like your first kiss with him. Maybe because you can always feel your stomach flutter. It’s in the way he tugs your lips. Gentle yet passionate. It’s in the way he touches your hair. How he holds your cheeks and presses his body against you. You like kissing him under the moonlight, when it feels like you own the whole universe. When there’s nobody else but you and him, and his voice sounds like a sweet melody from an angel. Reality. The first time Tiffany kisses Jessica, the first thing she hears is; “What the fcuk?!”. And it’s merely a peck on the cheek. Tiffany swears Jessica makes it sounds like someone shoves cucumbers to her face. Tiffany frowns. “Can I kiss you?” “What?” “Can I kiss you?” “Did you just—eww!” Jessica wipes her cheeks. “Not there!” Tiffany grins shyly. “Here!” She puckers her lip. “Tiffany Hwang, are you asking for a beating?” “You can beat me afterwards, though.” “No!” “Why? It’s perfect, Jessie! Look at us! Alone, in a Ferris wheel, at an evening, with the bright moon and stars! You can look at the city lights from here! Beautiful, right?”

“Tiffany, are you blind? There’s no stars and moon outside! It’s fcuking cloudy and it will rain any second from now so we better go home after this.” “Well, you can pretend there are!” “You watch too much drama.” “I swear I only watch Glee! And it’s just because Diana Agron is hot!” Tiffany makes a V-sign. “Whatever.” “So? Please?” Tiffany shoots her eye-smile. A desperate one at that. And when it earns no reaction from Jessica, she switches to her Puss-On-Boots mode. “No.” Tiffany frowns again. She crosses her arms and looks outside the window, unlike usual, staying silent for something that feels like eternity. But then something wet and warm is pressed against her right cheek - barely a second - and she promptly turns to Jessica who’s back staring at the screen of her phone. “Stop sulking,” she says without looking at Tiffany. A foolish grin soon sweeps across Tiffany’s face. Without thinking any further, she captures Jessica’s face with both of her hands, forcefully making the girl face her. Then in a millisecond, she plants a kiss on Jessica’s lips. And when there’s no sign of hesitance from Jessica, Tiffany smiles before she tilts her head and kisses deeper. Jessica's teeth are very disturbing, to be honest. But whatever, Tiffany thinks. The kiss lasts until the sound of thunder startles both of them. “Do you bring an umbrella?” “No.” “Crap.”

***

Expectations. Your friends love him so much. They say he’s funny. He’s smart, he watches the news, but he also knows which newly debuted girl group has the catchiest songs. He charms your besties with his looks and manners. He impresses your guy friends with his enthusiasm towards Chelsea and Juventus FC (“I don’t watch La Liga,” he says cheekily). In the end of the dinner, he takes all of you to the noraebang where he sings his heart out, surprising everyone. Who says a stock trader must be timid and boring? On top of that, he pays for all. “He’s a keeper,” one of your closest friends whispers to you before she hops into the cab. You understand her wink. Reality. Sunny gives up. Yuri gives up. Taeyeon’s already passed out under the table. Hyoyeon is starting to rub the floor with her shirt, muttering,”Must…clean…must…clean.” Sooyoung’s missing. Probably in the restroom, vomiting her dinner. Only Tiffany, Jessica, and the maknae of the group, Seohyun, who remain as they watch Jessica’s other friends surrender one by one. Jessica, because she doesn’t like alcohol; Seohyun, because she’s only turning twenty one in two months; and Tiffany, because she is….Tiffany. Calmly, the girl with the brown trench pours another shot of soju. “You sure you don’t want?” Tiffany offers Jessica who watches her in utter amazement. “N-no…” Jessica shakes her head, holding hands with the maknae under the table as Tiffany gulps the clear liquid. The latter only smiles after that. Looking fine though the amount of liquor bottles on the table tells a different story. Then she gets up, grabbing the microphone, then stars singing to Kara’s Mister. Complete with the butt dance. She’s off-key, but honestly, Jessica just wants to go home. The next day, when she meets Sunny at another dinner, the petite blonde tells her in tremor,”That Tiffany…she’s not human.”

Jessica only sighs.

***

Expectations. He is your knight in a shining armor. Your prince charming. The hero who will save you from anything. Reality. “Tiffany…” “Yes?” “There’s a…” “What, Jessie?” “…a cockroach…” “Where?” “On the wall! Beside you!” “Aaaaaaaa!” “Aaaaaaaa! Why are you screaming?!” “Why are you screaming too?!” “I’m afraid! God! Kill it!” “Me too! Why don’t you do it?!” “No! You do it!” “Don’t yell!”

“Who’s yelling?! Tiffany! Kill the cockroach!” “It’s your apartment!” “Omo it’s flying! It’s flying! Tiffanyyy!” “It’s flyiiing!” And both of them storm out of the door. Jessica, particularly, with only a slipper on.

***

Expectations. He says you don’t need labels. But you find him outside of your house one day - guitar and a bouquet of red roses in hand. You are rendered speechless as he sings Baby I’m Yours. Baby, I'm yours And I'll be yours until the stars fall from the sky, Yours, until the rivers all run dry In other words, until I die “Say, do you want to be my girlfriend?” he boomed afterwards, beaming his charming smile as he looks at you who’s standing beside your bedroom window. You can’t hide your smile when he kneels, holding his roses in front of his chest. How can you say no? Reality. Jessica knows this time will come soon. Soon. But not this soon. But whatever. So Tiffany picks her up at her office, just like what she’s been doing a lot lately. But strangely, the girl keeps her mouth shut during the trip to Jessica’s building. Jessica even thinks she’s sick and almost offers her to the doctor if not for the sudden cursing at the abrupt cut by a mad driver – that time Jessica’s sure Tiffany is not ill. If Tiffany still has the strength to yell ‘you b!atch go

to hell!’, she’s fine. Jessica enjoys the quiet journey until they arrive at the destination. That’s when Tiffany suddenly squeaks. “Jessie…” “Hm?” “Will you…will you…be my girlfriend?” Tiffany’s expression is so serious that Jessica sincerely wants to roll on the floor laughing. “Okay.” Jessica thinks Tiffany’s shocked by the answer because her jaw falls and she can’t utter anything. Her mouth is hanging open and Jessica is so tempted to insert the mini doggy plushy on the dashboard. “Is there anything else?” Jessica asks then, opening the door beside her. And when she hears no response, she quickly steps out. “Oh, yeah, please pick me up tomorrow morning at nine. You won’t be going to the office, right? Before coming here, also please stop by Starbucks and buy me some muffins and Cappucinno. Hazelnut syrup, non-fat milk. Venti! I’ve been craving for those. Urgh. Thank you. Don’t be late or I’ll break us up the first thing in the morning.” Then Jessica struts inside the building, leaving Tiffany still in an undefined state. It’s when Jessica has been in front of the elevator, Tiffany comes running to her. Tiffany hugs her, squeezing her life out of her. “Oh my gawd, Jessi, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” she cries. “I’m so happy I’m gonna die! Thank you!” And she’s this near to kissing Jessica when someone shouts. “Hey, ahjumma! Move your fcuking car! Do you think this is your grandmother’s road?!” “Shut up, crazy samchon! Be patient, oh God! And FYI, my grandmother’s dead!” “I’m gonna count to ten or I swear I’m gonna—“ “Oh, gawd. Okay! Okay, samchon!”

***

Expectations. Your best friend says she’s happy for you. “You guys look so good together,” she tells you sincerely. “Thank you.” “I hope you guys can last forever. I’m very glad to hear that you’re finally together. But listen—“ She puts her hand over yours. “If he hurts you, I’m going to hunt him down and kill him.” Reality. Sooyoung nearly chokes on her salad. “WHAT?!” “Don’t exaggerate!” Jessica shoots a glare. “I thought you didn’t like her!” “Well, I didn’t…” “But?” Jessica shrugs. “She’s nice. And kind. Kinda cute too—but only if she doesn’t talk too loud. I don’t know… God! Please don’t tell me I made the worst decision of my life!” “Err—maybe?” “Oh my God! I did, didn’t I?” Jessica starts raising her voice. Sooyoung snickers and Jessica slaps her arm. “Ouch!” “Don’t laugh! You do know how serious this is, don’t you?” “Calm down, Jessica! I was just surprised. I never thought you two would really hit it off. You are not exactly the dream couple, you know?” Jessica buries her face on the table, producing a weird whiny crying sound. Laughing, Sooyoung pats her head. “Oh, come on! I didn’t mean it bad!”

“What do I do now?” “What? Just act like a normal, decent couple. But no PDA, please! Not in front of me, at least.” Sooyoung resumes devouring her salad. “She’s a good kid – that Tiffany. Annoying sometimes, just like you.” “Hey!” “But please if you guys fight, don’t rant to me, okay?” “What the hell?! You always rant about your ex to me!” “Don’t mention him again!” “Sorry…but it’s not fair!” “Seriously. Call Sunny. She’s a good counselor!” “Such a good friend you are!” “Thank you.” Sooyoung grins. “I love you, Sica.” “Shut up!”

***

Expectations. People say love makes you glow. And your friends tell you you’re glowing these days. If only they knew how you’ve been feeling. Reality. “What did you do to her?” Taeyeon greets Tiffany as soon as she entered the office. It’s been a routine now that Tiffany goes up to the office to straightly pick up Jessica when the latter doesn’t answer her phone. “Hi, Taeyeon-ssi!” Tiffany replies with a polite smile, playing the key in her hand. “What do you

mean?” “She looks like a zombie.” “What?” “Zombie, you know? Resident Evil? I am Legend?” Taeyeon mimics some weird gestures, sticking her tongue out and rolling her eyes wildly. “I know zombie. Thanks. But what do you mean with Jessica looking like a zombie?” “Lifeless. Sleepy all day, not that she usually doesn’t…but… Did you keep her up all night or something?” Tiffany just smiles, remembering how she kept Jessica on the phone till dawn. Really it’s her fault. But Jessica never stopped her, so… “Aha!” Taeyeon smirks. “It’s not what you’re thinking!” “What am I thinking?” Taeyeon continues her tease. Shade of red creeps up to Tiffany’s face. “Aish…perv! Where’s Jessica?” “I saw her in the meeting room earlier.” The scene of an unconscious messy brunette on a comfy office chair’s soon presented before Tiffany’s eyes. A small curve’s formed on her face as she moves closer to her girlfriend. Jessica’s mouth is gaping open, like a goldfish gasping for air, and her body sinks in a way that her head is on the armrest. She was sleeping so soundly and peacefully that Tiffany doesn’t have a heart to wake her up, though her funny expression almost ignites laughter from Tiffany. But Jessica is cute when she sleeps—, Tiffany coos at heart. Carefully, she inches closer and kisses Jessica’s forehead. Sighing, then she gets up and snakes her arms around Jessica, trying to lift her up—such a fail attempt as Jessica falls down a moment later, bottom first. “What the hell?!” Comes the yell. “Sorry, baby. I was just trying to—“ Automatically, Tiffany reaches out to Jessica, accidentally grabbing her derriere. “You perv!” Jessica swats Tiffany’s hands away. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Tiffany bows her head down while Jessica gathers her things. “I’m really

sorry… Not only for that, but also… Taeyeon said you look rather off today.” “It’s okay.” “I must have disturbed your sleeping schedule so much.” “Thank God you realize that.” “I’m sorry.” “Stop it. I said it’s okay.” “B-but…” “Let’s go.” Jessica links her arms with Tiffany. “I’m sorry.” “One more ‘sorry’ and I’ll throw you out of the window.” It draws another smile on Tiffany’s face, showing her teeth. She fixes Jessica’s fringe as both of them walks past the door. “Aaaw, such a kewt couple!” Taeyeon’s playfully whistles. She immediately runs three seconds later as Jessica is ready to pitch a stapler to her head.

***

Expectations. He is Reality. When will you realize that you've fallen for a girl?

Expectations Vs Reality

Part 3

Expectations. Nights are usually cold, but you know you’ll be warm because she’s beside you. She will snuggle with you on the couch, while you’re watching your favorite drama. You’ll share Chinese food and Pepsi, with her wiping your mouth with her sleeve. Then you’ll just cuddle until you fall asleep. Other times, she will kiss you there, endlessly whispering sweet nothings. Sometimes she’ll kiss you until you run out of breath and forget what you’re doing before. Reality. “Baby…” Somehow, Tiffany hates it when Jessica calls her ‘baby’. Tiffany does call Jessica ‘baby’ a lot. Other than that; ‘darling’, ‘sweety’, ‘honey’, even ‘cherry pie with strawberry jam and banana and ice cream on top’ (the last one invites a beating though). But when Jessica calls her with her degraded aegyo that somewhat sounds like an abused pup, Tiffany can only peer to her side. “Can you get the chips and milk?” This is why. “Jess, it’s cold.” Tiffany wants to volunteer, really. But she is NOT leaving the couch. “But you are my girlfriend!” Jessica whines, her hand is holding the remote control tightly. “But practically, Jessi, you are also my girlfriend!” “Well, I am the girl – girlfriend. You are the guy – girlfriend.” “What?! Does that such thing even exist? And when did I agree to that?” “Right now! Now go go go! Go, Tiffany! The movie is about to start!” Tiffany crosses her arms. “No! You do it!” She huffs. “And don’t pout. You are not cute. It’s not working.” It’s working actually, but Tiffany just has to keep her eyes straight to the television. “Tifanyyy…” The failed aegyo is at work again.

“No!” “Tiffany!” “For the last time—“ “Then don’t touch me!” And with that, Jessica pushes Tiffany’s head that’s leaning on her shoulder. Then she scoots away, taking the blanket with her. “What the – Jessi?! It’s cold!” “Chips and milk! Now!” “But—“ “It’s just ten steps away, oh my God!” “That’s why—“ “Don’t touch my legs!” Tiffany grunts. Hastily, she gets off the couch and runs to the kitchen. After fetching two bags of chips and chocolate milk, she eases herself under the blanket - beside grinning Jessica. “Now can we cuddle?” Tiffany asks as she snakes her arm around Jessica’s waist and kisses her cheek. “Just don’t poke my boobs.” “You don’t have boobs, Jessi.” “I do!” “Your push-up bra won’t deceive me.” “Damn.” The movie lasts for about three hours. And yes, Tiffany and Jessica fall asleep on the couch. Which is why Jessica has a major back pain and Tiffany can’t turn her neck to the left in the morning.

***

Expectations. “I love you.” You can see almost anything behind those beautiful orbs you’re lost in. It’s sincere, truthful, honest. It’s anything you’ve been waiting for while you’re in her arms. “I love you too.” Reality. “Jessica, do you love me?” Jessica looks up from her book. “Are you asking me?” “No, I’m asking Jessica Alba.” “Shut up then. I’m reading – it’s almost the ending.” Jessica flips another page of her book. “Don’t be like that. I know you love me, Jessi.” Tiffany smirks, poking her girlfriend’s cheek. “Stop it!” “I know! Say it! Say you love me!” Tiffany keeps poking. “Tiffany, stop! Your nails are horrible. It hurts!” There are times when Jessica thinks Tiffany is adorable. This is not one of them. She catches Tiffany’s fingers and pins it on the surface of the mattress. “I love you, Jessie. My, my Jessie.” Tiffany flashes her smile, resting her chin on Jessica’s knees. “I know.” “I love you.” “Thank you and don’t ask me to buy you something. I almost reach my credit card limit.” “You should say it back. And it’s me by the way. I bought your bags.”

“I don’t want to.” “You don’t love me?” “I don’t when you are annoying and won’t shut up.” “So you love me when I’m not annoying?” “You’re annoying all the time.” “Meanie!” Tiffany chimes. “Meanie meanie meanie meanie meanie—“ Jessica rubs her temple. Then she discards her book and flicks Tiffany’s forehead. “Ouch! Jessi!” “Listen carefully. I eat what you cook, I let you wake me up at seven in the morning, I listen to your nonsense every single damn time, I let you sleep on my bed, I let you use my t-shirts, I accompany you to the noraebang, I even forgive you for tapping my butt in the public! My butt! If somebody else tried to do that to me, I swear to God, I would send them to the hospital right away. Now, what else do you want me to say?” For a moment, both of them just sit in silence. Then Tiffany breaks a grin. “Meanie!” “Go to sleep. I want to finish my book.” Jessica retrieves her novel back. When Jessica has finished reading with slightly teary eyes, Tiffany has been deep in her slumber. She takes up ¾ space of the bed and Jessica shakes her head in desperation. “And you ask me if I love you…” Jessica mumbles as she carefully ‘fixes’ Tiffany’s graceful sleeping pose, covers her with a blanket, pulls down her t-shirt that has ridden up showing her fatty abs, brushing aside the hairs that hides her face, wipes her drool, and plants a soft kiss on the corner of her lips. Jessica doesn’t like ‘I love you’(s). She can’t give out the exact reasons. But she hopes that when Tiffany wakes up in the morning and realizes that Jessica hasn’t dumped her body on the street or taken her kidneys out and sold it to the scary samchon in China to buy an iPad, she will find the answer of her question last night.

***

Expectations. She knows how to touch you. In the dark, under the sheet, when her teeth are grazing your bare skin. The butterfly kisses and the fleeting contacts. You can feel her hands on your back, softly moving up and down. Her wet lips trace the contours of your body – her face between your legs. Her fingers and tongue – they work wonders. She never hurts you. She looks into your eyes and she tells you how beautiful you are. And whenever there’s a pause, she tells you again. She says you’re amazing, wonderful, her words are like ecstasy to your ears. It’s like heaven – how she makes love to you. And sometimes you don’t want to stop. She screams your name, you scream her name. It’s a wonderland of love. You don’t want to get out. Reality. “Holy Christ, what are you doing?” “Why are the buttons of your shirt being difficult – really?” “Let me—“ “No, no! It’s almost—“ “That will take twenty minutes, Tiff! Just let me!” “Is the thread stuck or something?” “Just stay still for a moment, please! Urgh. Done!” “Hmmm…” “Tiff?” “Hmmm…” “Turn off the lights.” “Wae?”

“Just turn it off!” “You don’t want to see my face?” “I don’t want to see your ugly bangs. Just turn it off!” “Argh.” Click. “Done. Hmmm…” “Hmmm…” “Jessi…?” “What?” “Don’t bite. I have a meeting with the editors tomorrow. I mean – it’s okay, but not there please. Ah… yes, there.” “…” “Jess, we wear matching bra today.” “I know. Shut up, please. Damn. Tiff, take off your pants!” “…” “What’s that sound?” “What sound? And why are you vibrating?” “I’m vibrating?” “It’s nice by the way…” “Oh, sorry. It’s my phone. Did you change my ringtone?” “Ooh – what? No! Don’t answer it!” “Wait…wait…” “Don’t—“

“Hey! Wait! It’s my mom! She'll go crazy if I don’t pick up—hello, mom?” “Aargh!” “Yea, mom. Yes. Yes? I’m… I’m at home, just…exercising. You know, move a few muscles. Yeah… What’s up mom?” “Hang up! Tell her you’re busy!” “No, no, no! It’s nothing! You hear nothing! What is it again mom?” “Jeeesi!” “Don’t lick my ear! Just wait for a minute! Yes, of course mom! Weekend would be fine. I know, I know. Ohh…that..that’s a cat. She’s licking my face. No, no, not mine. It’s Sooyoung’s. Just let me call you later okay, mom? Okay? Nice. See you!” “Turn it off! Throw it away!” “So impatient…” “Hmmm…” “Ouch!” “What?” “My head hit the headboard.” “Be careful…” “…” “By the way, you waxed again?” “Taeyeon gave me a discount voucher. No, it’s free actually.” “Why didn’t you tell me?” “Ask Taeyeon. I think she has one more… Hmmmm… Hmmmm, God, Tiffany….” “…” “Hmmmm….go on….” “….”

“Oh, f—HEY! WHY DID YOU STOP?” “ Jess, did you fart?” A laugh. “Time out! Five minutes! I want to barf—oh, Jesus! You… in my face… Oh… crap…” “Time out? What?! Tiff, baby! Come back! Hey! Hey— It was an accident! Sorry! Hey—“ Thud.

***

Exceptions. There are roses when you open the door. They make a trail in the dimly lit room, and you follow them all to your room. There are candles on the floor and red petals all over the bed. Then a card, with a lovely handwriting lying on the pillow; rooftop <3 I’ll be waiting. You gasp when you see a velvet dress hanging behind the door. It’s magnificent, and it wraps your body perfectly when you put it on. There’s a scent of floral and musk on it and you can’t not smile. With a single rose you pick from the carpet, you go to the elevator, up until the highest floor it can reach. When you swing the door to the open space, you can see a table, more candles, four men wearing suits – holding something you recognize as violin, the bright moon, the stars, and of course, her. She’s standing there, with her blue, strapless dress, and she beams her captivating smile for you. Just for you. “My love…” She pulls out the chair as you’re prepared to sit. Just then, the four men standing by your side start playing their instruments and sing. It was a perfect harmony of Unforgettable by Nat King Cole. “Happy anniversary, love,” she tells. “Now close your eyes.” You do as you’re told. Then you feel something cold against your skin, just between your collarbones, and it goes down a little more before it halts there.

“Now open.” When you peel your eyes open, she’s back in front of your again. You’re rendered speechless again as you discover the metal of the pendant. It’s was a joint of two hearts. It’s glinting and reflecting the candle light. It’s… your words have failed you. “Happy anniversary,” she tells you again. You’re beyond teary now. “Happy anniversary. Thank you, love.” You manage to reply. “I love you.” She only smiles, and you spend the entire evening dining under the open sky, with the company of beautiful melodies of the eternally love songs. Reality. There’s no way Jessica will forget their anniversary. Especially if you have a girlfriend that’s too eager to be true and she keeps reminding you that every single day. Oh, she makes requests too. But of course, not everything always goes into plan. Tiffany has been promoted and suddenly she becomes so busy to the point she brings her laptop to bed where Jessica usually yells at her to go home and work at her own place because the tick – tick typing noise is abnormally annoying. She also has become so cranky that Jessica considers that PMS-ing everyday is possible. She even stops bothering Jessica with her random cuddling, backhugging, and sloppy kisses when Jessica is on the phone with Taeyeon. Tiffany’s still as hyper and loud, just different kind of hyper and loud. Sometimes she hears Tiffany yelling and nagging on the phone. Sometimes she mumbles to herself, like grunting. And sometimes she blows up. Tiffany as a junior editor is overly meticulous and perfectionist. Jessica, as a designer herself, understands that very well. She can’t sleep well until she makes sure the ’home’ text has been moved 2 pixels to the left. But when Tiffany stays longer at the office on their anniversary day because somebody messes up with that whatever-that-is-Jessica-doesn’t-want-to-know article, to the irony of it of course because Tiffany is the one insisting of having dinner in that expensive Italian restaurant, and comes home with exhaustion written all over her face and the sweaty smelly body of hers and it’s almost nine already, Jessica knows this is not good. “I’ve cancelled the dinner.” It’s what she uses to greet Tiffany that night. “Why?” “You’re tired. And stink. Go wash yourself.”

“I’m sorry.” “Go. I think the tub is full already.” “Thanks.” Jessica has ordered pizza, but then she finds Tiffany lying on her stomach after the bath. Her damp hair is sprawled on the pillow and her towel is still draped on her neck. Jessica nudges her girlfriend. “Tiff, do you want to eat?” “Hngggg..” “Let’s have dinner.” Tiffany rolls to her back. “I’ve eaten at the office. Chanyeol brough us all take-outs,” she admits. “Sorry. I’m very tired. Sorry.” Jessica sighs. She knows Tiffany hasn’t slept properly for several days. “Tiff, I have a confession to make.” “Are you pregnant?” “Don’t ruin the moment. And it’s not possible.” Tiffany let out her first chuckle. “Okay. I’m listening.” “I bought you a necklace. For a gift – you know? But I want it engraved and it’s not finished because there’s a problem. The shop made a mistake so… I don’t know. You’ll get it next week, perhaps?” “Oh… It’s okay. Thank you, Jessi. I don’t have the energy to get up and hug you so you have to come down here.” “No. Your hair is wet.” Tiffany sticks her tongue out. “By the way, I’m sorry. I didn’t get you anything. I should be the one paying our expensive dinner and the string quartets – that’s the surprise by the way – that’s my gift for you. But…” “It’s okay. I don’t feel like eating Italian anyway.” “But you’re eating pizza!”

“Oh, well…” Jessica eventually ate her pizza alone. After she finishes, she immediately climbs up the bed where Tiffany is already sleeping. The girl stirs and half-open her eyelids when she feels Jessica’s arm around her. “I’m not repeating this.” She hears Jessica saying. “But I love you.” Tiffany smiles weakly. “Happy anniversary.”

***

Expectations. Fights are unavoidable. She can be temperamental somehow. You argue, you quarrel, but in the end you know you don’t mean it. With a few kisses, any problem can be resolved. Any misunderstanding can be corrected. She’ll run after you in the rain, where she will grab your wrist and hug you from behind. Then she’ll say ‘I’m sorry. Don’t leave me.’ You’ll be crying, but then she’ll kiss you, under the heavy pours and you can’t stay mad. She’ll coax you with her sweet words, and you’ll forget what you’re fighting about. Reality. Tiffany doesn’t have any idea how something like ‘I’m sorry. My battery died and I didn’t know you called’ can escalate into a cold war. A kind of war that’s the worst of all. She prefers the nagging, scolding and their usual ‘don’t yell at me!’ followed by ‘who’s yelling?!’, ‘you are yelling!’, and ‘I don’t yell!’ because at least she’ll know Jessica still gives a damn fcuk. But now Jessica is awfully silent, like a mute doll, and Tiffany has to do all the yelling herself. “I seriously don’t know what you want, Jessica! I did everything for you but it seems like I can’t be good enough. You’re always like this! You always look at my flaws and complain. Then you’re mad but when I’m the one getting mad, you can’t accept it.” Tiffany shoots in a single breath. “I’m tired, Jessi! I’m fcuking tired! Do you even really love me?”

It seems like Tiffany herself has forgotten what the fight is all about. “And now you don’t want to talk to me! Great! Go fcuk yourself! I don’t care about you! I’m done!” Tiffany slams the door. Jessica keeps watching the tv. Tiffany doesn’t come back for three weeks. No text, no calls, not even a single instant message. Tiffany and Jessica carry on as usual in their tedious, day to day lives. It’s near the end of the fourth week when Tiffany comes back. She loiters in front of Jessica’s door before she finally has the courage to knock. Jessica is wearing her pajamas and she looks sleepy with her eyebags when she opens the door. “Hi.” “Forgive me.” “Do you want instant ramen? I was about to have dinner.” “Oh… I thought you were going to sleep.” “Don’t be silly. It’s seven. Come in or I’ll close the door.” They never discuss whatever happened on the previous three weeks. Or the things before them. Jessica never says it, but Tiffany acknowledges that Jessica has forgiven her for that she has forgiven Jessica too. Especially when Sooyoung told her something a week later, something Sooyoung has made Tiffany swear to keep it to herself. “I’ve told her not to call me when you guys are fighting but I guess she can’t take the last fight. On the second week when you left she cried almost every day. It’s horrible. You know Jessica has a damn pride. But if you hadn’t come back after a month, she told me she would go to your place and beg you to come back. On her knees - if needed. Don’t ever pull something like this again, yeah? If you guys fight, please work it out on the spot. And tell her not to call me again! I can’t show up at work with those ugly eyebags every day. God!” But of course, Tiffany just has to tease Jessica. “I heard someone was crying non-stop when I was gone…” She smirks maliciously. “Who?” “Are you seriously—“

“That’s it. You can sleep on the couch.” “Jess!”

***

Expectations. In front of your siblings, she’s a sweet girl. She’s an admirable figure, with her vast knowledge and interesting job, but humble and grounded enough. She takes your baby sister shopping and around the city, not worrying about time. She discusses the future with your brother, along with the bank interests and stocks. And when they’re asking when they’ll see her again, you know she has stolen their hearts. Reality. Tiffany is sure Krystal is visually raping her – in a worse way. But she keeps her cool and sips her coffee in a gracious way. When Jessica mentioned little sister – who apparently went abroad to study – she expected a happy-go-lucky bubbly girl with a lot of energy – because that’s what she saw in the pictures. Krystal is laughing, Krystal is jumping, Krystal is playing soccer, Krystal is abusing her sis, Krystal is playing with the pups. They are outdoor pictures and Tiffany hoped she would meet a slightly different Jung. Well, they are different. Or at least, as Krystal herself states with a sense of pride, if she and Jessica were about to jump over a fence, she would have 99% chance of landing on her feet while Jessica would have 99% chance of landing on her face (the 1% is the chance of landing on her bottom). But Tiffany notices that there are some things that might be just run in the blood of the Jungs. Like the piercing glares, or the i-don’t-like-you-why-don’t-you-go-die attitude. “My sister is stupid.” “I know.” “So why do you date her?” “She’s—“

“She makes the weirdest facial expressions. Look at that. Don’t you feel like squishing her face?” “Krys—“ “Why do you like my sister?” “I…” “Okay, scratch it. This is not going to work. I think you are not a serial killer, so you’re fine.” “Uh – what?” Jessica only watches from afar when Tiffany and Krystal talk. Tiffany looks pretty intimidated and she keeps glancing to Jessica every once in a while. She only looks relieved when Jessica initiates a lunch out. Jessica doesn’t know how the bonding between her girlfriend and sister goes. She won’t bother to ask either. But the Jessica wakes up the next day— “YOU SATAN CHILD! BOTH OF YOU! WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO DIE BOTH OF YOU STOP BREATHING OH MY GOD I HATE YOU. GO TO HELL! GO TO HELL!” There’s a slice of cucumber in her closet.

***

Expectations. It’s like a dream come true. She’s kneeling, with a beautiful box in her hand. You can already see the stone, gleaming under the light. Three carats of women’s best friend. “I have loved you, and I will always love you. Will you marry me?” It’s like the time stops. You can see nothing but her beautiful face through your wet eyes.

Lots of feelings are flooding your heart. Every beat of it matches the symphony of the string quartets in the background – the same men from your first anniversary. But you can barely hear anything but her melodious voice. “Will you marry me?” “Yes.” That’s the only answer you know, as you lurch forward, catching her in a hug. You don’t care as the people are watching, clapping their hands. You kisses her like there’s no tomorrow. This is the day she’s yours forever. Reality. Jessica rinses the plates as Tiffany dries them. It’s just an usual routine after dinner when Jessica rants that there are already too many stacks of dirty dishes in the sink and drags Tiffany who unwillingly does the chore with her. “Daddy asked me when I’ll settle down – as in marriage.” “Marriage is a complicated thing.” “I know.” “Think about the responsibility, the commitment. You don’t even want to do the dishes!” “But I’m doing it with you!” “Just because I forced you to! You can’t even use the washing machine properly.” “Marriage isn’t all about domestic chores, Jessi. I mean – for example, even though I’ve broken your vacuum cleaner and microwaves a few times, and you said I’m dirty, we’re just fine living together for the past two years. There must be something more to it.” Tiffany twirls the drying cloth. “What are you trying to say?” Jessica scrubs the last plate with the sponge.

“Do you think you would marry me?” “Perhaps?” “Your answer is not very satisfying. I think I would marry you, if you asked.” “What have you been watching?” “I’m serious, Jess. Look at me right now.” “Nah. Just say what you want to say.” “Will you marry me?” A lapse. “Are you proposing to me?” “Yes.” “Are you high on something?” “Just answer. Yes or no?” “We’re washing the dishes, omg. At least wait until we’re sitting on the couch or something.” “No, no. Answer now.” Tiffany closes the water tap. “Where’s the ring?” “You can choose it for yourself tomorrow. Now just tell me the answer.” “What if I said no?” “Does that mean you’ll say yes?” “Don’t mess up with my mind. And please put the bowls in the cabinet.” “Jessica, I’m seriously asking you; will you marry me? Be my wife? I swear I’ll do the dishes, I’ll learn how to use the washing machine, I’ll make up the bed in the morning, I’ll try super hard

to cook, and I won’t force you to paint the walls pink anymore. I’ll do anything as long as you don’t abuse me.” “What about kids?” “We’ll…umm…think about it later. One step at a time, Jessi. Maybe we can adopt pups as starter. I promise I’ll feed them!” “You better do.” “So? Is that a ‘yes’?” “Yes. But I’m expecting a ring tomorrow.” “You are so romantic.” “Tell that to the person who proposed to me while doing the dishes.” “But I love you, Jessi.” “Put the rest of the plates and mugs to the cabinet. Don’t forget to turn off the lights after you’re done. I’m going to send some emails. And iron your own shirts! I’m so not ironing them tomorrow morning. I’m tired.” “I’m your slave for life.”

Expectations Vs Reality

Part 4

Expectations.

Everyone knows it’s not such an easy thing dealing with the family. Your mother and father, after all, are very reserved and conservative. You came from a renowned family and you are expected to be perfect in all aspects of life. Or at the very least, proper.

You wish there will be a time and place where you can be happy forever just doing what you want, loving who you want. But for now, you just have to hold her hand. She tells your dad she’s sticking with your no matter what he’ll say. She loves you so much she can’t possibly live without you. You are, she says with glint of tears on her eyes, her sun, her moon, her universe. It looks like your dad almost has a heart attack and you can’t decipher the look in your mother’s eyes. Then the woman who gave you birth starts crying. You leave the house with tears too, but with her hand latched onto yours tightly. She promises she won’t ever let you go, even if your family despises you. And you believe her. But as your brother puts it, one way or another, your parents will come around. They always have. They will soon. They love you too much. For now, the most important thing, she’s all yours. Entirely. Eternally. Reality. Tiffany is a loud-mouth. That is a fact. But when Jessica needs her the most to speak, she shrinks in her chair. They have planned this visit to Jessica’s parents since a long time, after they argued in the car several times that they are so not going to marry – or anything equals to that – without the approval of their parents, especially Jessica’s. This particular issue has brought Jessica her frequent headache because as the oh-so-cliché gay lives around them, her parents only know Tiffany as her roommate slash best friend. It’s not helping that Tiffany, unlike her usual demeanor, is always awkward around the Jung elders when they visit the daughter. Tiffany says they emit certain aura but Jessica concludes she’s just a coward. They’ve spent three hours before Tiffany is confident enough with her choice of outfits (“Tiff, just because we’re going to meet my parents you don’t have to dress like a nun. ”), then off they go to the Jungs residence outside of the city. The Jungs welcome them with open arms, but of course, the toughest is at the lunch time, the time Jessica wisely chooses to break the news to her parents with a few considerations; a)

everyone is always a bit happier when eating, Tiffany can stuff her mouth with anything if she’s afraid her choice of words are alarming, c) old man Jung is a very sensible man he won’t flip the table full of foods, and d) if anything goes south at least Tiffany and Jessica will have had their meals. They have planned to hold each other’s hand when Jessica speaks. But suddenly Tiffany grows an uncanny fondness towards her spoon and fork, so Jessica opts to hold…nothing.

“Appa… Umma… Actually, I came here to tell you something.” Jessica doesn’t feel like beating the bush any longer. “Me and Tiffany…actually…” Mr and Mrs Jung keeps eating. Jessica gulps anxiously. She realizes she can be disowned any moment from now. Her mind is running multiple scenarios – one of them involves her and Tiffany kneeling and bawling in front of their parents, Romeo and Juliet style, if Romeo and Juliet ever did this, of course – and nothing seems to be better from the others. Jessica inhales. “Appa… Umma…” “Yeah, we know. You’re gay.” “Eh, what?!” Mr Jung chews his meat. “Yeah. You’re gay. Is there anything else you want to say?” “You know?! You…? Umma?” “Well, we’ve suspected it since you were six. I mean…you were kissing the television screen when those female celebrities appeared and you never had a boyfriend before. At least none that we know. It’s either you aspired to be a nun or gay.” “I did?” “Yes, Jessica. Why would you think we haven’t tried to set you up with a thirty year old ahjussi with a trust fund in Switzerland bank right now?” “And you guys are fine with this?! By the way, I and Tiffany are dating! That’s the news I want to tell you today. Dating as in romantic couple.” “We know. Soojung told us.” “SATAN CHILD I TOLD HER NOT TO- but seriously, you are fine with this?” “…” “Don’t just stare! At least you have to yell! Shout or get mad, threaten me with the disowning thing!” “Baby…” Tiffany tugs Jessica’s sleeve. “I think you have to calm down.” “I CAN NOT CALM DOWN!” “…”

“PLEASE SAY SOMETHING!” “…” “WHY AREN’T YOU ANGRY?” “Baby, sit down…” “I CAN NOT SIT DOWN!” “…” “COME ON!” Mr Jung clears his throat. For a few seconds, they are just looking at each other. “Is that all?” the old man says then. “Now can you pass the kimchi?” Jessica finally sits down while Tiffany only grins awkwardly to the other Jungs in the table. “Actually, we are engaged too…” Tiffany eventually speaks with the odd grin still attached on her face. “Oh, congratulations!” Mrs Jung squeals. “Have you told your dad?” “Oh, sure. Ehm, unlike what we thought about you before, he’s a very open minded man. Err…he has known I and Jessi are dating since a long time ago. I also have a gay uncle who just married his partner in Ve—“ “Oh dear God. Stop treating us like we’re some sort of homophobia!” Mr Jung rolls his eyes. “We’re open minded too, you know?” “So…ehm…you are fine…with us?” Then there are the infamous Jung glares. “Oh, okay. I understand. You’re fine with us.” Another awkward grin. “So, Tiffany… tell us about the engagement.” They spend another three hours in the Jung residence where Tiffany patiently listens to Mrs Jung lectures about her daughter and goes into a thorough inspection with Mr Jung (“I see you can’t change the light bulb. But I hope you have enough money to hire someone else to do that.”) plus a little bit awkward discussion (“Hmm…so…I’ve been curious. But how do you…hmm…do that? That? You know? That?” Insert some random hand gestures here). But overall, nothing too

scary happens except Jessica that can’t stop mumbling ‘I can’t believe this!’ like a maniac.

***

Expectations. Sometimes you wake up late at night and you see the figure sleeping beside you. She’s so beautiful. Her features are flawless. Her nose, her eyes, her lips. So angelic. You swear you can stare at her forever without feeling tired at all. Then you see the beautiful ring on your finger and you wonder how you can deserve such an amazing person in your life. You goes back to sleep with the wide smile on your face. Reality. Jessica’s eyes shoots open. “Nggg…yes sir… what… blblbpblbpdlfpbl…chicken steak …..bblblblpblb…of course good morning….blbpbpblbhlbhhh… Jessi…your boobs…” Sighing, Jessica turns her body to see Tiffany lying on her back with eyes closed, mumbling incoherently. A pool of wetness is evident on her pillow. “Blbpbhblbhhblbphh…boobs wonderful…yes sir…blbpblhhhbl….I like SoNyuhShiDae…tell me your wish…” Then Jessica looks at the metal circling on her ring finger. “Fcuk,” she curses as she realizes that she has to go through something like this for the rest of her life.

***

Expectations. She’s just full of surprises. You can’t utter a single word as you stare at the beautiful house in front of you. Two stories with white paints. Big windows and wooden floor. Just like you’ve always wanted – dreamt of.

You tour inside the house and find the lavish kitchen. The bathroom is big enough and the closet – oh you can’t ask for more. But what touches you the most is when she shoves the set of keys into your hands. “All yours.” Reality. “The repairmen are coming tomorrow. Don’t leave before they finish. Do you have any appointment tomorrow?” Tiffany clicks the disconnect button on her phone as she approaches the dining table. “No,” Jessica mindlessly replies. She’s eating her cereal while browsing a shopping catalogue. “Do you think we need a new aircon?” “Why?” “It’s been too old and you know the remote is seriously a piece of work.” “We need a new fridge too.” “New washing machine.” “New standing lamps.” “New carpet.” “New Blue-Ray player.” “New wallpaper.” “New…place.” Tiffany fixes her gaze to the damp spot on the wall. Both of them let out a sigh. “Go mop the floor.” “Okay.” “Look at the bright side.” “What?”

“Not too much space for you to mop.” “Thank you, Jessi. I love you.” “By the way, we still need the aircon.”

***

Expectations. You can’t describe it. Reality. There’s no grand ceremony. No hundreds of guest. No buffet. No cupid fountain. The only people present are only families and several close friends. Among them are Sooyoung, who’s complaining about the lousiness of the bridesmaid dress (“What the fcuk is this pink ribbon?!); Taeyeon, who wears the highest heels – so high Tiffany cringes; and Sunny who spends the whole morning telling Jessica ‘No, you’re not fat! Stop looking at the stupid mirror!’. They exchange vows in the backyard of the Jungs, witnessed by the people they love – their own modified vows that requires two sleepless nights for Tiffany and cranky Sooyoung for Jessica. “I, Tiffany Hwang, take Jessica Jung as my dearly beloved wonderful wife. I will take care of her until I die, until we can’t walk anymore and we need our kids to feed us. Even though she can be a handful at times, but I love her so much. In sickness or in health, in wealth or in poor, I’ll keep loving her. She’s not perfect but I can’t think of anyone else more perfect than her for me. And… I don’t know what else to say. There’s a lot I’ve written in my notes but... maybe I’ll just say this. Jessica Jung, I will always try to make you happy. I’ll stick with you forever. I hope you’ll never be bored of me.” Sunny and Sooyoung go ‘awww…’. “I, Jessica Jung, take Tiffany Hwang as my wife. Even though I rarely say this, but I love you. I will make you happy. And if you feel otherwise in the future, your daddy can chase me to hell.” There’s an eight seconds pause before the priest says,”Now I pronounce you…” It rains exactly after the ceremony ends. Everyone quickly runs to the house but Jessica and Tiffany.

“What are you doing? Let’s go inside!” Jessica yanks Tiffany’s hand to get her walk faster. “I can’t run in these!” Tiffany signals to her stiletto. “What the f- Tiff, just take it off!” “Oh, right.” “Babo.” Jessica heaves a sigh, walking ahead to the house. Behind her, Tiffany sports her grin. Only God knows how long they’ll be together. But for now, sure, Jessica is stuck with her babo. “I love you, Jessi. My my my Jessie.” “What are you doing?! GET INSIDE THE HOUSE!” But another thing for sure, Jessica wishes they’ll be stuck for as long as possible.

***

Expectations. You live happily ever after. Reality. “Jessi, wake up…”

“…” “Jessi…” “…” “JESSICA WAKE UP!” “What the-“ “I think Yoona’s crying.” “What?” “Yoona’s crying. Oh my God! Yoonaaa! Mommy’s comiiing!” “Urgh… there goes my sleep.” END