MASARYK UNIVERSITY OF BRNO

FACULTY OF EDUCATION

Department of English Language and Literature

Dawn French: A Tiny Bit Marvellous

Translation and analysis

Diploma thesis

Brno 2013

Supervisor: Mgr. Martin Němec Written by: Bc. Eva Hašková

Bibliography

HAŠKOVÁ, Eva. Dawn French: A Tiny Bit Marvellous – translation and analysis:

diploma thesis. Brno: Masaryk University, Faculty of Education, Department of English

Language and Literature, 2013. 147 pages. The supervisor of diploma thesis – Mgr.

Martin Němec.

Bibliografický záznam

HAŠKOVÁ, Eva. Překlad a rozbor částí knihy Dawn French s názvem A Tiny Bit

Marvellous: diplomová práce. Brno: Masarykova univerzita, Fakulta pedagogická,

Katedra anglického jazyka a literatury, 2013. 147 s. Vedoucí bakalářské práce – Mgr.

Martin Němec.

Annotation

Diploma thesis deals with the translation of selected parts of the novel called

“A Tiny Bit Marvellous” by an English writer Dawn French and its analysis. It consists

of theoretical and practical parts. The former is focused on the translation based on the

modern theory of equivalence, the latter contains more sub-chapters. At first, I describe

two approaches to the translation, namely the theory of equivalence and the literal

translation and I define their concepts based on the opinions of the main representatives.

Further, I deal with more theoretical background of the translation as such and

I examine more closely the questions of translatability and style and the role of

a translator and a reader that play an important role within the whole process.

Predominate part is focused on the analysis of my translation based on the lexical,

grammatical and textual equivalence that is covered according to Dagmar Knittlová‟s

outline. A large number of secondary sources will explain individual theoretical points

that will be supported by examples from the practical part.

Anotace

Diplomová práce se zabývá překladem vybraných částí díla Dawn French

s názvem “A Tiny Bit Marvellous” a jeho analýzou. Skládá se z praktické a teoretické

části. Praktická část je zaměřena na překlad na základě moderního přístupu teorie

ekvivalence. Teoretická část má více podkapitol. Nejprve popisuji dva přístupy

k překladu - teorii ekvivalence a doslovný překlad a vymezuji jejich hlavní myšlenky,

které opírám o názory hlavních představitelŧ. Dále se zabývám procesem překladu jako

takovým a zkoumám otázku přeloţitelnosti a stylu díla, rolí překladatele a čtenáře, které

mají nesmírný vliv na práci překladatele. Převáţná a poslední část teoretické části se

zaměřuje na analýzu mého překladu a rozebírá ho na základě lexikální, gramatické

a textové ekvivalence podle osnovy Dagmar Knittlové. Jednotlivé teoretické problémy

jsou vysvětleny za pomoci obsáhlé sekundární literatury a následně doloţeny příklady

z praktické části.

Keywords

translation, translatability, a translator, a reader, theory of equivalence, lexical

equivalence, textual equivalence, grammatical equivalence, an equivalent, a style,

modern approach

Klíčová slova

překlad, přeloţitelnost, překladatel, čtenář, teorie ekvivalence, lexikální ekvivalence,

textová ekvivalence, gramatická ekvivalence, ekvivalent, styl, moderní přístup

Prohlášení

Prohlašuji, že jsem závěrečnou diplomovou práci vypracovala samostatně, s využitím

pouze citovaných literárních pramenů, dalších informací a zdrojů v souladu

s Disciplinárním řádem pro studenty Pedagogické fakulty Masarykovy univerzity a se

zákonem č. 121/2000 Sb., o právu autorském, o právech souvisejících s právem

autorským a o změně některých zákonů (autorský zákon), ve znění pozdějších předpisů.

……………………………………

V Brně dne 16. dubna 2013 Bc. Eva Hašková

Acknowledgements

I would like to express my thanks to Mgr. Martin Němec for his kind supervision of my

diploma thesis. I appreciate his valuable advice and help with the consultations of

translation and the choice and form of the theoretical part as well as his

recommendation of literature. I am glad for his support that helped me to finish this

piece of work.

I would also like to thank my family and close friends for their support and belief they

have in me. Finally, I thank Zdeněk Hurt for his endless patience and motivation.

CONTENT

1. INTRODUCTION ............................................................................................................. 9

2. DAWN FRENCH ............................................................................................................ 11

2.1 ABOUT THE BOOK ..................................................................................................... 11

3. PRACTICAL PART ........................................................................................................ 13

4. THEORETICAL PART ................................................................................................... 82

4.1 THE THEORY OF EQUIVALENCE ........................................................................... 82

4.2 THE PROBLEM OF TRANSLATABILITY ................................................................ 86

4.3 THE ROLE OF A READER.......................................................................................... 87

4.4 THE ROLE OF A TRANSLATOR ............................................................................... 88

4.5 THE DEFINITION OF STYLE ..................................................................................... 89

5. ANALYSIS ...................................................................................................................... 91

5.1 LEXICAL EQUIVALENCE ......................................................................................... 92

5.1.1 Zero equivalence ......................................................................................................... 92

5.1.2 Absolute equivalence .................................................................................................. 94

5.1.3 Formal differences ...................................................................................................... 96

5.1.3.1 More lexical items in English – less in Czech ......................................................... 96

5.1.3.2 Explicity – Implicity ................................................................................................ 98

5.1.4 Differences in denotation .......................................................................................... 100

5.1.4.1 Specification ........................................................................................................... 100

5.1.4.2 Generalization ........................................................................................................ 105

5.1.5 Differences in connotation ........................................................................................ 107

5.1.5.1 Expressive connotations ......................................................................................... 108

5.1.5.1.1 Intensification ...................................................................................................... 115

5.1.5.2 Differences in pragmatics ...................................................................................... 118

5.1.5.2.1 Personal names .................................................................................................... 122

5.1.5.2.2 Foreign language in a text ................................................................................... 125

5.2 GRAMMATICAL EQUIVALENCE .......................................................................... 127

5.2.1 Countability ............................................................................................................... 127

5.2.2 Different levels of grammatical categories ............................................................... 128

5.2.3 Verbal aspect ............................................................................................................. 129

5.2.4 T-V distinction .......................................................................................................... 130

5.2.5 Gender ....................................................................................................................... 131

5.3 TEXTUAL EQUIVALENCE ...................................................................................... 133

5.3.1 Cohesion .................................................................................................................... 133

5.4 THE CHARACTERISTIC OF THE STYLE .............................................................. 138

6. CONCLUSION .............................................................................................................. 142

7. WORKSCITED ............................................................................................................. 144

9

1. INTRODUCTION

The diploma thesis will deal with the translation of selected parts of the novel

“A Tiny Bit Marvellous” by Dawn French and its analysis based on the modern theory

of equivalence. I have chosen this particular topic for several reasons. Firstly, I have

always been a keen reader, but owing to work and university studies I lacked the time to

read for pleasure. As a result, in the diploma thesis I decided to mix business and

pleasure in focusing on a piece of literature and perceive it from a translation

perspective. Moreover, it will be immensely challenging to experience the burden

within the work of a translator and all the difficulties that s/he has to deal with and,

more importantly, how to resolve them. Not only does s/he have to use creativity and

imagination but also s/he must follow a large number of rules in the process of

translation at the same time.

Secondly, since I am able to read books in English with almost no problem,

I have suddenly become more critical to their Czech translations to such an extent that

I deliberately avoided them because I thought they cannot depict the message in a same

way. Thus, my intention will be to present a translation based on the modern theory of

equivalence and demonstrate the solutions that will be analyzed and that can be

beneficial, not only for translators but also for the teachers of English.

Thirdly, I have dealt with the translation and analysis in my bachelor thesis

where I focused on the theory of equivalence and I got the general insight into the issue

of a theory of translation, which caught my attention so extensively that I wanted to

deepen my knowledge in this particular area. Therefore, this point serves as the main

premise for the choice of the topic of my work.

10

As far as the structure of the thesis is concerned, there will be a brief

introduction of the author and the book followed by the practical part with the

translation of selected parts. In the second part of the diploma thesis, there will be

several chapters focusing on the theoretical background of the process of translation. At

the very beginning I will discuss the question of translatability and the two approaches

in nowadays theories of translation dealing with this issue supported by their main

representatives. After that, I will concentrate on the aspects such as a role of a translator

himself and the question of the style, as well as the role of a reader that will be put into

the context as an inevitable part of a translator‟s work. Finally, the predominate part

will be devoted to the analysis of my translation in terms of lexical, grammatical and

textual equivalence i.e. the aspects that demonstrates the style of the author based on the

outline of Dagmar Knittlová and Mona Baker. Furthermore, it will be supported by an

extensive variety of significant linguists and many examples from my practical part will

be provided.

11

2. DAWN FRENCH

Dawn French was born 1957 in Wales. As a writer, she has written three books

so far. Her first autobiographical novel Dear Fatty was released in 2008 and consists of

the letters to different people in her life (Dawn French). Other book, A Tiny Bit

Marvellous, was published in 2010 and will be mentioned in more detail in the next

chapter.

2.1 ABOUT THE BOOK

For the purpose of my thesis I decided to work with the novel A Tiny Bit

Marvellous that was published by Penguin books in 2010. I am well aware of the fact

that the novel was published in the Czech Republic in June 2012 in Argo publishing

house. Nevertheless, I made my choice about the book in the spring 2012 when

I discovered that it had not been translated into Czech at that time. In fact, it was the

premise I based the topic of my diploma thesis on. Therefore, I decided not to work

with the Czech translation at all so that I could not be influenced in any way.

The story itself surrounds the Battle family, an average family living on the

outskirts of Reading. It is told in a diary form from three different points of view by Mo

and her two teenage children, Dora and Peter, each one unique in their own way.

Mo has a career of a successful child psychologist and is about to turn 50 and

she is writing a book on her chosen career. However, she is a bit lost and not really sure

of who she is as she has a feeling of being stuck a rut. Further, she faces this milestone

of a birthday and is about to cheat on her husband, which could ruin her family. She

thinks she has this wonderful understanding of her children thanks to her job, but of

course she really hasn‟t a clue.

12

Mo‟s daughter, Dora is 17 and is planning to head off to a university. She has

recently split up with her long-standing boyfriend and is planning to become famous

thanks to the upcoming X Factor auditions. Dora can be regarded as a rebel full of

teenage angst that hates her family, except her dad, and feels that life is very unfair to

her. On the pages of her diary, we are witnesses of a teenage life in all its melodrama

and naivety. She is also addicted to Facebook and is unaware of dangerous things that

can happen.

Last member of the family, whom we get to know much closer, is Peter who is

actually channelling Oscar Wilde in all his gloriousness. His narrative reads like that of

a much older person with a noble usage of the English language who is longing for

noble things such as a velvet jacket. He is deeply in love with Noel, Mo‟s new assistant

at work but is refused and later finds love with his classmate Luke.

Even if the story itself can be viewed as not so original and sometimes cliché,

I must appreciate the composition of the book that really caught my attention. In fact,

after reading the story, the readers can find many supplementary materials.

Firstly, there is recipe book of cakes that Nana Pamela prepared for the Battle

family with all the ingredients and instructions. Then, we can read the interview with

the author herself about the book, her writing habits, and the whole process of writing

and the new novel the readers can expect. After that, there is a section called Dawn‟s

reading list consisting of the books that have inspired her throughout the life divided

into several parts. Lastly, and perhaps more importantly, there are points for further

discussion for reading groups that can be implemented in a conversation about family

that oversee, not only the story itself, but the concept of modern families in general.

13

3. PRACTICAL PART

Dora (17 YRS)

My mother is, like, a totally confirmed

A-list bloody cocking minging arsehole

cretin cockhead of the highest order. In

fact, I, of this moment, officially declare

my entire doubt of the fact that she is my

actual mother. She can‟t be. I can‟t have

come from that wonk. Nothing in any tiny

atom of my entire body bears any likeness

to an iota of any bit of her. It‟s so, like,

entirely unfair when people say we look

alike because like, excuse me, but we

properly DON‟T thank you. And I should

know. Because I look at her disgusting

face 20/7 and excuse me, I do actually

have a mirror thank you. Which I‟ve

looked in and so NOT seen her face,

younger or otherwise, staring back at me.

If I do ever see that hideousness, please

drown me immediately in the nearest large

collection of deep water.

Dora (17 let)

Moje matka je nejvíc prvotřídní podělaná

pojebaná pindovská pinda nejvyššího

kalibru. A vŧbec, začínám dost

pochybovat, ţe je moje skutečná matka. To

prostě nemŧţe bejt pravda. Přece jsem

nemohla vylízt z takovýho mimoně. Vţdyť

ani ten nejmenší kousíček mýho těla není

nijak podobnej s tím jejím, coţ je teda

pěkně nefér, kdyţ lidi říkaj, ţe jsme jedna

jako druhá. Jako sorry, ale to ANI

OMYLEM, děkuji mnohokrát. O tom bych

musela něco vědět, páč čumim na její

odpornej ksicht od rána do večera celej

tejden, A NAVÍC mám zrcadlo, ne asi.

A kdyţ jsem se do něj koukla, tak na mě

rozhodně NEčumělo zpátky nic, co by bylo

byť vzdáleně podobný jejímu ksichtu nebo

jeho mladší verzi. Pokud bych ale někdy

přece jen našla na sobě známky její

ohyzdnosti, tak se nade mnou prosím

slitujte a vemte mě na nejbliţší místo

s hodně hlubokou vodou a utopte mě.

14

I would honestly be grateful for that act of

random mercy. At 5.45pm today she had

the actual nerve to inform me that I will

not apparently be having my belly button

pierced after all, until my eighteenth

birthday. She knows I booked it for this

Saturday. She knows Lottie is having hers

one. It was going to be our like together

forever thing. Fuck my mother and all

who sail in her. I hate her. She‟s fired.

Za to bych Vám byla fakt hodně vděčná.

V 5.45 odpolko měla tu drzost mi oznámit,

ţe podle všeho si nebudu moct aţ do svých

osmnáctých narozek nechat propíchnout

pupík. A to přitom ví, ţe jsem byla

objednaná na tuhle sobotu. A taky ví, ţe

Lottie do toho jde se mnou. Mělo to totiţ

bejt potvrzení našeho kamarádství, jakoţe

nej nej kámošky navţdy.

Srát na matku a na všechny její buzerace.

Nesnáším ji. Má padáka.

Mo (49 YRS)

All things considered, that went ether

well. Big pat on own back, Mo. I am

definitely getting better at not letting her

appalling language upset me. No one likes

to be referred to as an „evil slag‟, or „hell

whore‟, let‟s be honest, but I‟ve suffered

worse at the sharp end of her tongue, so

ironically I‟m grateful for these

comparatively lesser lashings.

Mo (49 let)

Kdyţ se nad tím zamyslím, šlo to celkem

dobře. Zaslouţíš si uznalé poplácání po

rameni, Mo. Její otřesná mluva uţ mě

nemŧţe rozhodit jako předtím. Jasně,

nikomu se nelíbí označení “odporná coura”

nebo “hnusná děvka”, co si budeme

povídat, ale uţ jsem od ní zaţila i horší

nadávky, takţe jsem paradoxně ráda za

tyhle jemnější výrazy.

I am reminded of the trusty old David

Walsh mantra I often recommend to my

clients, „When, in argument, you feel like

taking the wind out of her sails, it is

Vzpomínám si na heslo starýho dobrýho

psychologa Davida Walsche, který často

doporučuju klientŧm: „Pokud při hádce

cítíte, ţe vám někdo bere vítr z plachet, je

15

a better idea to take your sails out of her

wind.‟

lepší to obrátit ve váš prospěch a sebrat vítr

z plachet jemu.“

Yet again, no sign of Husband at the eye

of the storm. He scuttled off to a safe port

in the study to spend time with his ever-

ready, ever-understanding lover, MAC.

Why does he constantly refuse to back me

up at these critical moments? I have

repeatedly explained the importance of

consistency and continuity as far as kids

are concerned. We must present a united

front. We should share my opinion at all

times. I am, after all, the qualified child

psychologist in this family. Other than

fathering two children (total of six

minutes„ commitment to the project), I‟m

not aware of his training. However, have

to give it to him, he is certainly

a supremely skilled slinker-off-er when

voices are raised, no one can better his

retreating technique. He certainly gets the

gold in that backwards race. Oh yes.

Then, he had the audacity to sit in Dora‟s

bedroom with her for an hour whilst she

apparently „emptied out‟ and explained to

Po Manţelovi se na bojišti opět slehla zem

aodkráčel si na bezpečný místo v pracovně,

aby se pomazlil se svým NOŤASEM, vţdy

připravenou láskou plnou pochopení. Proč

se mě pokaţdý odmítne zastat v těhle

krizových chvílích? Neustále mu

vysvětluju, jak je dŧleţitý, abychom byli

dŧslední a trvali si na svém, pokud jde

o děti. Musíme být spojenci a měli bychom

vţdy sdílet především mŧj názor.

Koneckoncŧ, já jsem tu kvalifikovaná

dětská psycholoţka a kromě toho, ţe dělá

otce dvoum dětem (coţ vydalo na plných

6 minut), o jeho praktických rodičovských

znalostech si iluze nedělám. A kdyţ je

hádka na obzoru a začíná bejt dusno, je

jako namazanej blesk, to se musí nechat.

Nikdo neovládl techniku úprku do takové

dokonalosti jakon. Kdyby se pořádali

závody ve zpátečnickým sprintu, určitě by

kaţdoročně vyhrával zlatou medili. Jojo.

A pak dělá, jako by se nechumelilo,

a v klidu si jde za Dorou do pokoje

16

him that she feels she and I are enemies

and have been for years. I am not her

enemy, I am her mother. Sometimes it‟s

probably the same thing. It needs to be.

I am not here to be her friend.

What am I actually? To be a guide,

a judge, an inquisitor maybe? At the

moment I am purely transport, bank and

occasional punch bag.

a hodiny si vykládají a ona mu vysvětluje,

proč si nerozumíme a jak se vţdycky

budeme nesnášet. Nejsem snad její

nepřítel, ale matka. Někdy to je jedno a to

samý, coţ je potřeba, ale snad se ode mě

nevyţaduje, abysme byly kamarádky.

Co pak teda jsem? Měla bych být

prŧvodkyní ţivotem, mentorem a vzorem,

ke kterému bude vzhlíţet. Ale zatím sem

spíš jenom odvoz, banka a příleţitosnej

boxovací pytel.

Why I have been sent this Tango-skinned

bleached-hair designer slave? I own

a human Cindy.

Proč mi poslali tuhle tanga nosící otrokyni

módy s odbarvenýma vlasama? Jsem

majitelkou opravdický panenky Barbie.

I just have to accept it, she loathes me.

Today‟s particular loathing is about

refusing to let her have her belly button

pierced.

Musím se s tím smířit. Nesnáší mě.

Dnešním dŧvodem k nesnášení je fakt, ţe

jsem jí zakázala nechat si propíchnout

pupík.

Oscar (16 YRS)

The suffering of the last hour has been

unutterably awful. Both of the Battle

harridans, the monstrous mater and the

dreadful daughter, have been shrieking

sufficiently enough to wake as yet

undiscovered mollucs at the pit-bottom of

Oskar (16 let)

Souţení poslední hodiny bylo

nepředstavitelně strašné. Obě semetriky

z rodu Battleových, jmenovitě strašlivá

matka a ohavná dcera, na sebe ječely

obzvláště vytrvale, ţe by to probudilo

i stále neobjevené měkkýše ţijící na

17

the ocean‟s silty depths. I have mastered

the art of ear-fugging – the application of

twisted curls of wet kitchen paper

administered to the inner ears. One would

imagine this would provide a merciful

relief. Yet still, their damnable harpy

squawking prevails. What unlovely

wretches they prove themselves to be,

abandoning all vestiges of class and style,

allowing the vulgarity of their lower-

middle-class shackles to triumph. How

very very very disappointed I am in both

of them. It is so extremely tiresome.

samotném dně nejhlubšího oceánu. Pro

tuto příleţitost jsem si byl nucen osvojit

umění uchotěsnění – jedná se o zavedení

kouskŧ stočené vlhké papírové utěrky do

vnitřního ucha. Jeden by si pomyslel, ţe se

dostaví slastná úleva. Avšak bohuţel,

zpropadené semetrikářské hašteření stále

vítězí. Jaké to nepřívětivé a ubohé ţenštiny

opomínající známky stylu a noblesy

nechávají zvítězit sprostotu jejich nízkého

pŧvodu.

Jak jsem jejich počínáním velice převelice

zklamán. Vskutku k uzoufání.

For God‟s sake, I spent two whole hours

in that pub separated from the husbands,

being forced to listen to the merits of

turkey-turning with the wives. Yes, for

easily the first three minutes, I was

genuinely engaged in the science of it all -

of course the juices of the bird would

move about during the cooking, into the

fattier parts of the corpse, especially the

breast, and yes I acknowledge that rotating

the beast might be advantageous and

possibly tastier. Frankly that was an extent

Paneboţe, strávila jsem dvě

hodinyv narvaný hospodě mimo dosah

manţela a byla jsem donucena si

vyslechnout výhody otáčení krocana

s ostatníma ţenuškama. Ano, první tři

minuty byly v pohodě a celá věda kolem

krocana mě zajímala. Samozřejmě, během

pečení se šťávy postupně uvolňují

a dostávají se do více tučnějších částí,

hlavně do prsíček. A ano, uznávám, ţe

otáčení tý bestie je asi výhodnější a masu

dodá lepší chuť. Potud sahal mŧj upřímnej

18

of my interest. But no, there were another

117 minutes of fowl-cooking minutiae to

endure. As Karen blathered on incessantly

about basters and thermometers and

convection cookers and marinating and

stuffing and blah and blah, my mind

wandered, but for the sake of neighbourly

relations I skilfully fixed my gaze on her

happy, overactive mouth and kept

a convincing stream of responsive

listening noises coming.

Whilst I was trapped in turkey hell with

the heifers of our local, Husband was, of

course, at the bar with the bullocks,

lowing and chewing on their smutty

Christmas anecdotes. As if there is

anything remotely saucy about Christmas.

There isn‟t, but they managed to make

disgusting grunting noises all evening as if

they were at Spearmint Rhino where

discussing women in salacious terms is

expected.

zájem o věc. Ale ne, ono se o pečení

muselo kecat ještě další dvě hodiny. Karen

neustále mlela o stříkačkách na podlévání,

termometru a marinádách a nádivkách

a nějakým spešl nádobí, kde pečete bez

pouţití oleje. Bla bla bla. Duchem jsem

byla úplně mimo, ale kvŧli zachování

dobrých sousedských vztahŧ jsem se

zadívala na její hyperaktivní pusu a občas

vyloudila jakýsi zvuky na znamení

souhlasu.

Zatímco jsem byla polapená v krocaním

pekle s místníma slepicema, Manţel byl na

baru s kohoutama a společně se tam

naparovali a předhazovali si oplzlý vánoční

vtipy. Jako kdyby snad bylo něco peprnýho

na Vánocích. Jasně ţe není, ale oni po celej

večer zvládli s bravurou sobě vlastní

vydávat nechutný chrochtící zvuky, jak

kdyby byli v nějakým tuctovým bordelu,

kde se se to bez oplzlostí zřejmě neobejde.

Husband regularly drinks with „the G-

team‟ as he calls them. He doesn‟t worry

whether or not they are suitable as his

Manţel pravidelně pije s G- týmem, jak se

nazývaj. Vŧbec si neláme hlavu, jestli jsou

to kamarádi, nebo ne. Prostě tam jsou,

19

friends. They are there, so they will do.

How curious. The idea that people you

chance upon in a pub become a cohesive,

supportive group of compares, united in

the pursuit of a nightly pint of Guinness

(hence the G-team).

As we sang „Auld Lang Syne‟ and saluted

the midnight moment with loud cheers and

I was forced to clamp hands with

a particularly limp, waxen chap with

unfeasibly long fingers, who had just

emerged from the Gents and who I knew

perfectly well hadn‟t washed his hands, it

dawned on me that I will not allow this to

happen again next year.

a tostačí. Zajímavý, jak se z lidí, který

potkáte v hospodě, mŧţe stát soudrţná

fungující jednotka scházející se za účelem

večerního pŧllitru Guinesse (od toho

G-tým).

Kdyţ jsme zpívali „Narodil se Kristus

Pán“ a slavili příchod novýho roku

hlasitými ovacemi, byla jsem donucena si

potřást s celkem výrazně pobledlým

a společensky unaveným chlápkem

s nemoţně dlouhými prsty, kterej se zrovna

vypotácel ze záchodkŧ a bylo více neţ

jasný, ţe si neumyl ruce. V tu chvíli jsem

se zařekla, ţe nedovolím, aby se to příští

rok znovu opakovalo.

There are important issues I must address

this year.

I must be thinner.

I must be in a better relationship with

Dora and she must respect me.

I must tackle Peter‟s constant insistence

that he is in some way channelling Oscar

Wilde. It was an amusing family joke two

years ago, but now I am finding it

worrisome.

Pár dŧleţitých věcí, který musím tenhle

rok splnit.

Musím zhubnout.

Musím líp vycházet s Dorou a ona mě

musí respektovat.

Musím přijít na kloub Petrově utkvělý

představě, ţe je Oscar Wilde. Před dvěma

roky jsme se tomu doma smáli, ale teď uţ

nám to moc vtipný nepřipadá.

20

I must be further along with my book, and

I must have a title for it. What would be

a good title for a self-help book for parents

of teenagers? Two possible ideas at the

moment under consideration: 1. Whatever!

and 2. Teenagers: The Manual. Hmm.

Think the exclamation mark on the first

suggestion might preclude it from being

a serious contender.

Finally, I must give some serious thought

to my fiftieth birthday in October. Can‟t

decide whether to celebrate or hide in

a deep cave. Not denial exactly, but maybe

I could just ignore it…?

Musím pokročit s psaním knihy a musím

pro ni vymyslet název. Jak by se tak mohla

jmenovat kníţka pro rodiče, která by jim

měla poradit jak na teenagery?

Momentálně se rozhoduju mezi dvěma

moţnýma kandidátama: 1. To neřešte!

a 2. Manuál na teenagery. No. Řekla bych,

ţe vykřičník v prvním případě moc na

váţnosti nepřidává.

A konečně, musím se váţně zamyslet, jak

to udělám v říjnu s mýma padesátinama,

protoţe se nemŧţu rozhodnout, jestli to

slavit, nebo se radši zahrabat hluboko pod

zem. Ne, ţe bych si nechtěla přiznat, kolik

mi je, jen bych ten den prostě ignorovala…

I feel frumpy and unbeautiful, and cross,

all the time. Could be the menopause.

Mind you, I think there is still a bit of

Southern Comfort coursing through my

veins from last night.

Neustále se cítím jak ohyzdnej a večně

přinasranej hastroš, coţ by mohly bejt

první známky menopauzy. Ale pozor,

myslím, ţe mám v krvi ještě pořád trochu

whiskey ze včerejška.

Shame that there was actually some hair of

our actual dog in the disgustingly dirty

glass which Dora hadn‟t even bothered to

wash out before she put it back on the

shelf.

Jen mě teda doţralo, ţe na pěkně

zaprasený skleničce, kterou se Dora ani

neobtěţovala umejt a rovnou ji šoupla do

kredence, zŧstalo pár zaschlých chlupŧ

z našeho psa.

21

Oh, and that reminds me, the other

member of the family I must pay attention

to this year is… Poo. Absolutely must get

her spayed. This is the eighth year I‟ve

forgotten. Wonder if the vet would agree

to do Dora at the same time…?

Jo, a to mi připomíná, ještě je tu jeden člen

rodiny, o kterýho se tenhle rok musím

postarat… Bobina.

Musím ji nechat vykastrovat. Uţ osm let

na to zapomínám. Tak mě napadlo, jestli

by veterinář nemohl vzít rovnou i Doru?

Fact. Sam Tyler is a cockheaded gitshit,

a twatwanker, a coward and a gay. I can‟t

believe I actually went actually out with

him, how embarrassing. On top of it all, he

is so rank, like, a total minger. Lottie

always said he‟s like well below me and

she‟s like so right. Why didn‟t I listen to

her? I thought she was jealous! Of what?

Of me going out with the biggest mong in

Berkshire? – doubt it.

Fakt. Sam Tyler je pičus pičusovatej,

čuromrd, srab a teplouš. Fakt nechápu, jak

jsem s ním mohla chodit. Trapas!

Aby toho nebylo málo, je to nechut

nechutnej a totální hybroid. Lottie mi

věčně opakovala, ţe mi nešahá ani

po kotníky, a v tom měla pravdu jako. Proč

jsem ji neposlouchala? A to jsem si

myslela, ţe ţárlí! Na co asi? Na mý

randíčka s největším retardem v celým

Berkshiru? Asi těţko.

Now at least I can admit how much his

little twig legs always freaked me out and

how disgusting his teeth are because he

hasn‟t properly brushed them since he was

two or something and how his stubbly

little moustache which he so believes

makes him look like Zac Efron, so

doesn‟t.

Aspoň si teď mŧţu přiznat, ţe mě děsily

jeho krátký kostnatý nohy a ţe měl hnusný

nechutný zuby, páč si je naposledy čistil

tak před dvanácti lety. A jak hrdě nosil

těch pár chlupŧ na bradě, kterým říkal

strniště, aještě byl děsně přesvědčenej, ţe

vypadá jak Zac Efron z Muzikálu ze

střední. Leda hovno.

22

Families are a frightful inconvenience,

true, but nowadays we are too hasty to

dismiss them.

Rodiny dovedou člověku zpŧsobit mnoho

nepříjemností, to je pravda, ale dnešní

doba je příliš uspěchaná, abychom jim dali

vale.

I offered her the benefit of my company

this New Year‟s Eve, but informed her

that as of midnight I should much like to

insist that she refer to me as Master Oscar

at all times. For that is whom I am, and

I can‟t stress enough the importance of

being Oscar.

Nabídl jsem jí svou velectěnou přítomnost

na Silvestrovský večer, ale bylo zároveň

mou povinností ji upozornit, aby mne

oslovovala výhradně Pane Oskare. Jelikoţ

to jsem já a nemohu ani vypovědět, jak je

dŧleţité míti Oskara.

I am accustomed to dullards, Lord knows

I am surrounded by them daily in my

family, but the awful Janice takes the

biscuit.

Jsem jiţ zvyklý na nekňuby a Bŧh mi

dosvědčí, ţe se s nimi doma potýkám

kaţdý den, avšak ohavná Janice předčila

nejhorší očekávání.

Oh my complete and utter God. Mum is

like a constant noise. She says the same

things over and over again so much, that

in the end, I can‟t even like hear her. She

sounds like that noise you get when you‟re

trying to tune the radio and you haven‟t

got to a channel yet.

Paneboţe na nebi! Matka snad nikdy

nezavře hubu. Pořád omílá ty samý kecy

furt dokola, aţ jsem jí nakonec přestala

vnímat. Zní přesně jako ten pisklavej zvuk,

kdyţ se snaţíte naladit rádio a najít

nějakou stanici.

„Dora! Open this door immediately! I have

been talking through it now for forty-five

minutes! If you don‟t shitting wake up and

„Doro! Okamţitě otevři dveře! Uţ tady

stojím skoro hodinu! Jestli se ihned

neprobereš a neuvědomíš si, ţe ti

23

realize that your cracking future is slipping

away with every cocking second that you

don‟t get that personal statement finished,

you should expect to spend your fecking

useless life walking around in Oxford

Street, with those massive boards on you

telling everyone where the endless arseing

golf sale is. Yes, that is your future!‟

This apparently is only my option!

And she doesn‟t even know how to write

the bloody statement anyway. The last

time she had to write something like this

was SHE went to uni, which was in the

last bloody century for God‟s sake, over

seventy years ago or something. She

probably just wrote „I, Maureen‟…

something… Don‟t know what her name

was before she married Dad… „I Maureen

Boring-Hair, do intend to attend this

university of great learning so that I may

learn all I need to know about being a crap

shrink so I can tell everyone how to live,

and boss them all about and convince

them I‟m cleverer than them, and charge

them a bloody fortune and they can never

budoucnost utíká mezi prsty kaţdou

zatracenou vteřinu, co nemakáš na tý

přihlášce na vejšku, tak počitej s tím, ţe si

tak akorát zkazíš ţivot a skončíš někde na

ulici a bude z tebe velká chodící cedule, co

nabízí nějaký debilní slevy golfových

potřeb. Přesně taková budoucnost tě čeká!“

Jasně, tohle je evidentně moje jediná

moţnost! Ale co, beztak ví kulový, jak

napsat pojebanou přihlášku na vejšku.

Naposled musela něco podobnýho napsat,

kdyţ šla na vejšku, coţ bylo v minulým

století, někdy před sedmdesáti lety nebo

tak nějak a beztak napsala jen „Já,

Maureen“… něco… netušim, jak se

menovala, neţ si vzala tátu… „Já Maureen

Dutohlavová, mám velkej zájem o studium

na Vaší vyhlášený univerzitě. Ráda bych

získala všechny potřebný vědomosti o tom,

jak bejt podělanej psychouš, abych mohla

všem radit, jak výst ţivot, buzerovat

a komandovat lidi a přesvědčovat je, ţe

jsem chytřejší neţ oni, a účtovat si balík

aoni mi nemohli říct ani popel, protoţe

24

tell me I‟m wrong because it‟s not even

a scientifically proven method, and there‟s

no way of checking up on me whether

I know how to like, even on this job

properly atall. My hobbies are: talking,

shouting, screaming, bossing, knowing

best and getting really fat.‟

vědí prd, co je vědecky ověřená metoda

a co ne, a ani za milion let si na mě

nepřijdou.“

Moje koníčky jsou pindání, křičení, řvaní,

buzerování, všeznalectví a tloustnutí.

Everybody in the entire world has got

a computer – except you. Even people in

like mountain caves in Borneo or

something? I learned how to use one when

I was like, a baby for chrissakes! If a baby

can do it, can‟t a trained child

psychologist use one?!

Dad says he is going to get her some stone

and a chisel for her to write her next book

on. I mean, who uses pencil and paper to

write a book? Even bloody Shakespeare

must have had a better method than that. If

the woman who writes Twilight had to do

it with like a bloody pencil, it would take

her like six years or something to write the

first chapter, and I would like die of

waiting. Wake up Mother, please! Wake

up and smell the tea.

Kaţdej na celým světě má počítač,

dokonce i lidi v horských jeskyních kdesi

v zapadlým zapadákově. Kromě tebe. I já

jsem se to naučila, kdyţ jsem byla ještě

mimino, proboha!

A kdyţ se to mŧţe naučit i mimino, mŧţe

snad i trénovanej dětskej psycholog, ne?

Táta povídá, ţe jí pořídí kamenný desky

a majzlík, aby měla jak napsat další

kníţku. Jako kdo v dnešní době pouţívá

papír a tuţku, aby napsal kníţku? To snad

i Shakespeare musel mít lepší techniku neţ

todle. Pokud by ţenská, co píše Twilight,

musela pouţívat blbou tuţku, trvala by jí

první kapitola nějakejch šest let, a to bych

teda jako umřela nedočkavostí. Prosim tě,

matko, prober se!

25

Oh my days, it‟s going to be so great

because there are like so many fit guys out

there? Yea, though I walk into the valley

of hot guys, let me always carry my

camera with me so I can like upload tons

of pics of me getting lashed on to

Facebook so Lottie will die of jealousy.

YAY!

Mŧj ty světe. To bude fakt hustý, páč tam

chodí jako mrtě vypracovanejch borcŧ. Jo,

nakráčím si to přímo do údolŧ sexy

borečkŧ a samozřejmě budu mít pokaţdý

u sebe foťák, abych mohla uploudnout

mrtě fotek na Fejsbŧk, jak budu zbouraná

pod obraz, a Lottie se ukouše závistí. Hurá!

Dora is hell-bent on destroying her life.

Her university application form is beyond

awful. I tried, gently, to offer my help but

of course she is rejecting all aid and

encouragement presently. She has started

the statement with a misguided attempt at

a lonely hearts classified section-type joke

which goes something like „Pretty blonde

girl, 17, with GSOH and own scooter

seeks buzzin‟ uni with top class food tech

department and fit boys for learning, fun

and maybe more…‟ Dear Lord.

She then follows this with the old

chestnut, the dread definition, so it goes:

„I ask What is a university? My trusty

dictionary tells me it is a „high level

educational institution in which student

Dora je skálopevně rozhodnutá, ţe si zničí

ţivot. Její přihláška na vejšku je prostě

otřesná. Opatrně jsem se nabízela, ţe jí

s tím pomŧţu, ale momentálně odmítá

jakoukoli pomoc nebo povzbuzení.

Přihláška začíná rádoby vtipem ve stylu

seznamky v novinách, kde píše něco jako

„Pěkná blondýnka, 17 let, se smyslem pro

humor a vlastním skútrem hledá vejšku,

kde to ţije, s prvotřídním oddělením

potravinový technologie a vypracovanýma

borcema na studium, zábavu a moţná

i něco víc…“ Proboha. Po tomhle

následuje jedno velký klišé v podobě

definice univerzity. Asi takhle: „Ptám se,

co je to univerzita? Mŧj výkladový slovník

říká, ţe to je „tradiční označení vysoké

26

study for degrees and academic research is

done‟. Well, that‟s handy then, because

that‟s exactly what I‟m looking for –

except for the research bit – I won‟t be

doing any of that atall. So hi Manchester

Metropolitan University! I‟m Dora and it

looks like we‟re a match!‟ Oh God.

školy poskytující nejvyšší stupeň vzdělání

v rozmanitých oborech a kde pro získání

titulu je nutné provést akademický

výzkum‟. Tak to se hodí, protoţe to je

přesně to, co hledám, aţ na ten výzkum.

Ten teda dělat nehodlám. Takţe tě zdravím

Manchesterská Metropolitní Univerzito!

Jmenuju se Dora a vypadá to, ţe se k sobě

hodíme!“ Proboha.

I will never forget his arse-wrenchingly

awful opening gambit to our previous

receptionist on her first day at work:

„What the hell is the point of heavenly

creature like you wasting your lovely bum

sitting on an office chair behind reception,

when you could be using it to sit on my

lap being adored, eh? Eh?‟

He thought it was ironic and flirty. It

wasn‟t. He thought it was funny. It wasn‟t.

What was funny though, were the rivulets

of muddy-coloured Grecian 2000 hair dye

running down the side of his overexcited

sweaty face.

Ještě mám v ţivý paměti jeho úděsnou

kulervoucí hlášku, kterou prohodil k naší

nový recepční, kdyţ přišla poprvý

do práce: „Ale ale to se podívejme, přece

by taková krásná prdelka nemarnila čas

posedáváním na kancelářský ţidli, kdyţ by

se mohla uvelebit v pohodlí mého klínu,

co? Co?“

Měl pocit, ţe v tu chvíli je největší kaňour,

donchuán a vtipálek století. Nebyl ani

jedno. Co mi teda ale přišlo dost vtipný,

byla jeho přehazovačka z pečlivě

nahoněnejch zbejvajících vlasŧ, která se

mu lepila na upocenej nadrţenej obličej.

Talking of appointments, I must speak to

George about Lisa. She is a poppet and an

Kdyţ uţ je řeč o schŧzkách, musím si

s Georgem promluvit o Lise. Uznávám, ţe

27

excellent receptionist, but I sense by just

how often she now quotes her survival

training techniques to me that her mind is

elsewhere and I fear we may lose her soon

to one of the jungles, deserts or islands she

has been so studiously preparing herself

for. This morning she furnished me, from

behind the desk, in the presence of a full

waiting room, with all I might need to

know when Preparing the Kill in the Wild.

I now know too many details about

Bleeding, Skinning, Gutting and Jointing.

„What is vital, Mo, is never to waste blood

– it is rich in vitamins and minerals

including salt that could be missing

otherwise from a survivor‟s diet. Fakt:

When cannibals drank their enemies‟

blood apparently their eyesight got much

better. Deal with it.‟

to je úţasná holka a skvělá recepční, ale

z toho, jak pořád vykládá o technikách

přeţití v divočině, usuzuju, ţe je duchem

úplně mimo. Trochu se obávám, ţe nám

brzo zdrhne někam do dţungle, pouště

nebo na opuštěnej ostrov, kdyţ vidím, jak

se na to usilovně připravuje. Dneska ráno

na recepci mě totálně odrovnala, kdyţ mi

začala před narvanou čekárnou vypravovat,

co všechno musím vědět, neţ se vydám na

lov do divočiny. Takţe teď jsem

dopodrobna obeznámena s chuťovkama

typu jak nechat mrtvolu zvířete vykrvácet,

stáhnout z kŧţe, vydlabat vnitřnosti

a odsekat končetiny.

„Mo, pamatuj si, ţe nejdŧleţitějš je

nevyhazovat krev, páč je plná vitamínŧ,

minerálŧ a solí, coţ je v divočině

nedostatkový zboţí. Ne nadarmo se říká,

ţe kdyţ kanibalové vypijou krev svých

obětí, jejich zrak se výrazně zlepší. Tak to

prostě je.“

I must find a suitable tailor. I must. I am

not well pleased with the pathetically

paltry style offerings of Pangbourne nor

Musím se poohlédnout po vhodném

krejčím, coţ se zdá být nevyhnutelné.

Nejsem příliš nadšen z mizérie, kterou

28

indeed of Wokingham and God forbid

I should be forced to descent into the

ultimate cultural abyss: Reading, a large

town, the capital of Hell.

nabízí Pangbourne a Wokingham a Bŧh

chraň, abych byl nucen klesnout aţ na

samé dno kulturního barbarství města

Readingu, hlavního města Pekla

a Zatracení.

Last week I attempted to purchase

a simple cravat. I might as well have

attempted to procure the soul of the Dalai

Lama, it was so impossible.

Minulý týden jsem se pokoušel zakoupit si

docela obyčejnou kravatu, coţ se ukázalo

úkolem zcela nemoţným, stejně jako

kdybych se pokoušel sehnat duši

Dalajlámy.

… the widespread infection known as the

„hoodie‟ has undoubtedly destroyed acres

of taste on our currently crippled culture

of couture.

… rozsáhlá epidemie známá coby „mikina

s kapucí“ nepochybně zabila vkus

v současně pokřivené kultuře módního

návrhářství.

Lottie says I can, really, sing, better than

anyone on American Idol and like loads

better than bloody Susan Boyle. Who is

she?! I know it sounds like totaly random

but I‟ve had an idea and I really really

think I‟m going to do it and that is, to go

up for X Factor.

Lottie povídá, ţe fakt zpívám líp neţ

kdokoli v soutěţi Americkej Idol a o mrtě

líp neţ nějaká Susan Boyle. Kdo to sakra

je?! Vím, ţe to zní trochu jako klišé, ale

napadlo mě a myslim, ţe to fakt udělám,

přihlásit se do soutěţe X Faktor.

We agreed that one should never wear

brown in town, that it would be outré so to

do. We also discussed the merits of the

correct titfer for each season. When to

Shodli jsme se, ţe hnědá barva by měla být

ve měste zakázána a ţe by to byl vskutku

bizarní počin. Také jsme prodiskutovali

moţnosti vhodné pokrývky hlavy pro

29

choose a Panama, a Homburg or a simple

Fez? Which is exactly le chapeau juste?

kaţdou sezonu. Kdy je kupříkladu

nejpříhodnější doba pro cylindr, buřinku

nebo obyčejný slamák? Který z nich

smíme nazývat le chapeu juste?

During this wretched illness, the family

really have had to help out. Headed by

Husband, they have taken it in turns to

bring a well-laid tray with a paper doily

and a flower in a vase to accompany

a plate of garibaldis and some cold, ready-

to-eat prawns from M&S, which he

perceives to be the height of

sophistication, „the fruit of the sea‟. He

reliably informs me that the oil in fish is

beneficial for my hair, nails and most

importantly, my IQ.

Během mizerný nemoci se musela zapojit

celá rodina a pomáhat. V čele s Manţelem

se střídali a nosili mi pěkně prostřený tác

s papírovým ubrouskem, květinou ve váze,

talířkem rybízových sušenek

a vychladlými krevetami z Tesca alias

plody moře, který povaţuje za známku

nejvyšší dŧmyslnosti, jen se do nich

zakousnout. Taky mě neopomněl

informovat o prospěšnosti rybího oleje,

kterej má blahodárný účinky na moje

vlasy, nehty a především na moji

inteligenci.

Dora came in last night with some prawns

crisps (what is it with my kids and

prawns?) and cheese string she has bought

with her allowance. I was so touched.

Remarkably, we very nearly had

a conversation, for the first time in the

recent memory. She sat on the bed, and

although she couldn‟t exactly look at me,

Minulou noc přišla Dora za mnou do

pokoje a v ruce drţela krevetový chipsy

(co pořád maj s těma krevetama?)

a korbačíky, který si koupila z kapesnýho.

Dojalo mě to. Málem jsme si i povídali,

poprvé po dlouhý době. Fakt neuvěřitelný.

Seděla na posteli, a i kdyţ se tak úplně

nedívala mým směrem, odpověděla na

30

she answered my questions about her day.

Grumpy, massive, monosyllabic answers,

admittedly, but answers nevertheless:

Me: Good day?

Her: OK.

Me: What did you do?

Her: Learning.

Me: Learning what?

Her: Stuff.

Me: What stuff?

Her: Stuff stuff.

Me: How‟s Lottie?

Her: OK.

Me: How are you?

Her: Same.

Me: Worried about anything?

Her: Yeah.

Me: Want to tell me?

Her: No.

Me: Want me to shut up?

Her: Yeah.

This is a seismic step forward.

všechny moje otázky. Připouštím, ţe

odpovídala převáţně jednoslovně a nevrle,

místy aţ podráţděně, ale jako odpovědi to

beru.

Já: Jakej jsi měla den?

Ona: Pohoda.

Já: Co jsi dělala?

Ona: Učila se.

Já: A co ses učila?

Ona: Rŧzně.

Já: Jak rŧzně?

Ona: Tak rŧzně.

Já: Jak se má Lottie ?

Ona: Pohoda.

Já: A co ty?

Ona: Taky.

Já: Trápí tě něco?

Ona: Jo.

Já: Nechceš mi to říct?

Ona: Ne.

Já: Chceš, abych byla zticha?

Ona: Jo.

Neuvěřitelnej krok kupředu.

I‟m bloody fed up of explaining it over

and over again. Listen up, sucker –

Fakt mě pěkně sere, jak to musím neustále

dokolečka opakovat. Poslouchej ty blbko –

31

I HAVE TO HAVE THIS HAIR!! If you

have brown curly hair at my bloody

motherarseing school, NOBODY likes

bloody talks to you. End of.

JÁ MUSÍM JÍT K HOLIČI!! Jak máš na

mojí zajebaný škole hnědý kudrnatý vlasy,

NIKDO se s tebou nehodlá bavit. Tečka.

And stop calling me a „wannabe plastic‟.

I‟M NOT a plastic.

A přestaň mi říkat „rádoby Barbína“. Já

NEJSEM Barbína.

Who would have thought that a simple

mistake could prove to be the portal to my

personal nirvana? Who could have

predicted that anything so very wondrous

could possibly occur on Thursday?

Kdo by si pomyslel, jak se jednoduché

nedopatření mŧţe obrátit ve stav nejvyšší

blaţenosti? Kdo mohl tušit, ţe něco tak

impozantního se mohlo přihodit právě

v úterý?

Break time is, after all, my only chance to

convene with The Enchantings. What‟s

that, I hear you cry, dear darling diary?

„Who are The Enchantings?‟ Well now,

since The Enchantings are an exclusive,

secret and elite band of brothers.

Koneckoncŧ, přestávka se zdá být jedinou

příleţitostí ke schŧzce s Klubem Elegánŧ.

Ptáš se, mŧj milovaný deníčku, o co se

jedná? Kdo jsou Elegáni? Nuţe, Klub

Elegánŧ je exkluzivní, tajné a elitní

shromáţdění bratrstva.

But pray, keep it to yourself do, for the

very moto of The Enchantings is „semper

arcanus‟ which denotes that we should

never speak of it or otherwise perish for

ever.

Uctivě tě však prosím, nechej si to pro

sebe, neboť heslo Elegánŧ „semper

arcanus“ nás nabádá k mlčenlivosti

a pokud bychom se pouhým slŧvkem

zmínili, dostane se nám věčného zatracení.

I am the chairman. Roddy Hargreaves in Já jsem předseda. Roddy Hargreaves

32

my year is the vice chairman and Wilson

from Year 9 is also a member. Roddy

brings to our merry table his extraordinary

knowledge of musical theatre and his

affable wit along with his ability to play

the pianoforte. Wilson gain admittance by

dint of only one qualification – his

ravishing good looks. He appears to have

been plopped into Year 9 directly from

heaven. Surely one so beautiful can‟t

possibly have been created from mere

mortal homo sapiens? Angels must have

been involved in the manufacture of him

somewhere along the line.

I, of course, bring me. We all agree, that

alone is more than sufficient.

z ročníku je místopředseda a dalším

členem je Wilson z devítky. Roddy nás

oblaţuje výjimečnou znalostí muzikálŧ,

vytříbeným úsudkem a hrou na fortepiano.

Wilson byl vybrán na základě jediného

předpokladu – nebesky úchvatného

vzhledu. Jistojistě musel sestoupit do

devátého ročníku přímo z nebes, jelikoţ je

nad slunce jasné, ţe někoho tak

okouzlujícího nemohli stvořit

prachobyčejní smrtelníci z rodu Homo

Sapiens, ale samotní andělé.

A já jsem do klubu přispěl svou maličkostí,

coţ je, jak jsme se jednohlasně shodli, více

neţ dostačující.

Our typical rendezvous consists of

a password (usually the name of the most

enchanting person in the news that week)

followed by a fifteen-minute conversation

concerning all that enchant us. At the end,

we swear allegiance to Aphrodité, the

most enchanting of all the ancient

goddesses, give each other a little kiss, and

hasten off to class.

Před našimi běţnými dostaveníčky si

určíme heslo (obvykle jméno

nejelegantnější osoby v médiích toho

týdne) a poté následuje patnáctiminutová

rozprava o všem, co nás uchvacuje.

Nakonec všichni přísaháme věrnost

Afrodité, jedné z nejpŧvabnějších

antických bohyň, krátce se políbíme na obě

tváře a pospícháme do třídy.

33

I regularly log on to question Google

about who might be deemed Enchanting –

on more than occasion, its most popular

suggestion has been someone named Paris

Hilton. I think not.

Pravidelně se loguji na počítač a na Googlu

hledám někoho, kdo je shledán pŧvabným

a elegantním. Našeptávač mi uţ několikrát

navrhl jakousi Paris Hilton, o čemţ tedy

vysoce pochybuji.

Owing to Mother‟s ill health this week,

and her lack of technological expertise,

Ditzy Dora and I have agreed to

alternately collect various work folders to

bring home to her during her confinement.

Today was my turn. It was clearly

specified to me at breakfast by the Pater

who requested that I drop by her office

after school for just such a purpose, which

I dutifully did, only to find Dozy Dora

already ensconced in the reception area

and mistakenly receiving aforementioned

files. Is it possible that a mortal can live,

breathe, walk and talk without the benefit

of a brain? If so, Dumpy Dora really is

a staggering example.

V dŧsledku matčiny nemoci, která ji souţí

uţ týden, a nedostatečné kvalifikaci

v oblasti technologie jsem se domluvil

s Dutou Dorou, ţe se budeme střídat ve

vyzvedávání pracovních sloţek během

rekonvalescence. Dnes jsem byl na řadě já.

Tento úkol mi byl zcela jasně specifikován

během snídaně, kdy mě otec poţádal, ať se

zastavím po škole do kanceláře, coţ jsem

samozřejmě měl v úmyslu udělat. Jakmile

jsem však vešel do budovy, uzřel jsem

Vydlabanou Doru, jak se opírá o recepční

pult a přebírá jiţ zmíněné sloţky. Je ku

podivu, jak něktěří ţíjící tvorové dýchají,

chodí a mluví, aniţ by vŧbec pouţívali

mozek. Dutohlav Dora je toho zářným

příkladem.

Oh my actual God. My brother is a mega

moron. Mum says he‟s eccentric or

something and it‟s like just a phase, but

Ó mŧj Boţe. Mŧj bratr je mega kretén.

Matka tvrdí, ţe je jen výstřední nebo tak

nějak a ţe to je jen jedna z etap jeho ţivota.

34

how embarrassing is he? I can‟t believe

we are related. Especially today. He went

off on a big one about who had to collect

Mum‟s files from work, whose turn it is.

Idiot. Then, when the new guy was giving

them to us, he just stood there like a silent

mong and didn‟t say a bloody like word!

Thanks, Pete, like leave me to do all the

talking, and the guy was just trying to be

nice.

He‟s Australian or something – looks and

sounds like that old Crocodile Dundee

bloke.

He said, „Wow, you‟re so tall! I didn‟t

expect that in England, don‟t know why.‟

What did he expect? Midgets? Like from

Victorian times or something?

„Is your Mum tall too?‟

Peter didn‟t answer, didn‟t speak atall, just

stared at him like bloody goldfish, so I had

to say.

„Yes, she‟s very tall. As tall as a block of

flats.‟

Luckily he laughed, coz Mum said to be

friendly coz she has to work with him for

Ale on je normální trapák a nemŧţu

pochopit, ţe jsme příbuzný. Zvlášť dneska.

Ten idiot začal mega krutě vyšilovat

a hádat se, na kom je řada s vyzvedáváním

matčiných sloţek z práce. A pak, kdyţ nám

je nějakej novej chlápek předával, ten

pablb tam stál jak pařez a neřek ani pŧl

slova. Díky ti bratře, ţes to všechno

mluvení hodil na mě. Přitom ten novej se

jen snaţil bejt milej.

Je prej někde z Austrálie nebo co a taky

vypadá a mluví jak ten chlápek Krokodýl

Dundee, jak hrál ve filmech.

Povídá: „Páni, vy jste ale vysoká! Nevím

proč, ale vŧbec bych to do Angličanŧ

neřekl.“

A co jako čekal? Pidilidi z nějaký

Viktoriánský doby nebo co?

„Je vaše maminka taky tak vysoká?“

Petr neodpovídal a nedělal lautr nic, jen na

něj oněměle čumel jak ryba, takţe to zase

bylo na mně.

„Jojo, je hodně vysoká. Asi jako panelák.“

35

the next year or something.

Sam always stood up for injustice, that‟s

one of the reasons I like totally fell for

him, even though Kitty Cook, the head

plastic in my year, said he was a troll-boy.

She doesn‟t know him like me though

because all she cares about right, is what

somebody like looks like. How shallow is

that? Mind you, she is a plastic and that is

the first rule of a plastic – you must be

shallow.

Sam vţdycky bránil slabší, kdyţ je někdo

šikanoval, coţ bylo jedním z dŧvodŧ, proč

jsem se do něj zbláznila, i kdyţ Kitty

Cooková, největší bárbína z ročníku, ho

označila za váguse. Ale ona ho vŧbec

nezná, páč jediný, o co se stará, je, jak kdo

vypadá. To je tak povrchní! A vŧbec,

vţdyť je bárbína a první pravidlo bárbín

zní: Musíte být povrchní.

Husband made a spectacular hot toddy

incorporating cloves and malt whisky,

which did the trick and I was just nodding

off… when Dora came in to start what has

now become a regular occurrence, the

nightly battle.

I think she is still feeling raw about what

happened with the boyfriend at New Year,

but that isn‟t what she discusses. She

opened this particular night‟s hostilities

with a rant about the need for even more

highlights in her already utterly ruined

hair and then she accused me of

patronizing her by telling her the other day

Manţel mi dnes uvařil vynikající horkej

grog s hřebíčkem a whisky, coţ jsem

přesně před usnutím potřebovala… A kdyţ

uţ jsem skoro zabírala, nakráčela do

loţnice Dora a naše pravidelná noční

hádka mohla začít.

Mám dojem, ţe se stále trápí rozchodem

s tím klukem na Silvestra, o čemţ se

samozřejmě bavit nehodlá. Dnešní slovní

přestřelka začala hysterickým řevem a tím,

jak strašně potřebuje ještě víc melírŧ do uţ

takhle dost zničených vlasŧ. Pak mě

nařkla, ţe jsem pokrytec, kdyţ jsem se jí

onehdá snaţila přesvědčit o tom, ţe je to

36

how beautiful I think she is.

„I absolutely need those bloody highlights.

They‟re the only things that take people‟s

eyes away from all the other stuff that‟s so

disgusting. Look at my legs, they‟re gross!

I‟m just, like so revolting. I‟m so fat. Look

at my bloody hips. It‟s like I‟m wearing

someone else‟s hips on top of my own

hips. And my arms! Oh my God they are

so rank, they look like meat or something.

And my feet. Just look. They‟re not feet,

they are like two slabs of trifle. Not

trifle… I mean bloody cow‟s guts…what‟s

it called? Offal! Two slabs of slimy offal.

With nails. Urgh!‟

If you can‟t see how disgusting I am, you

must be like blind, deaf and dumb or

something? And if you‟re not any of

those, you must have noticed what

a deformed bloody wretch I am, so you are

actually just a big fat liar to be telling me

the opposite aren‟t you?

hezká holka.

„Já ty podělaný melíry fakt potřebuju, páč

to je to jediný, co donutí lidi, aby přestali

čumět na mý tělo, který uţ je tak dost

nechutný. Jen se podívej na moje nohy,

vţdyť jsou jak vypasený buřty! Jsem jako

fakt odporná. A tlustá. Dívej na mý debilní

boky. To je, jak kdybych si vzala něčí jiný

špekatý boky a připlácla si je na svoje.

A ty paţe jsou do nebe volající! Vypadaj

a třesou se jak sulc! A ty nohy. Jen se na

ně podívej. Jak dva kusy pudinku. Ne

pudinku… myslim kravský střeva, jak se

tomu řiká? Vnitřnosti! Dvě tlustý fošny

z kravských vnitřností a ještě s nehtama!

Fuj!“

Jestli nevidíš, jak jsem odporná, tak musíš

bejt slepá, hluchá a blbá k tomu ne?

A pokud teda jako nejseš ani jedno, tak sis

jako musela všimnout, jaká jsem ohyzda.

Takţe seš vlastně pěknej podrazák a srab,

abys přiznala barvu co?

I have no idea what time Husband crept

into the bed, I just know he was there

when I awoke suddenly at about 4am to

Netuším, v kolik hodin se Manţel

dopotácel do postele, jen vím, ţe uţ leţel

vedle mě, kdyţ jsem se najednou probudila

37

hear Dora by the side of my bed sobbing,

„Mummy, Mummy.‟

I put the light on to discover her standing

there, shaking and covered in prawn-

inspired vomit. „I‟ve been sick, Mummy!‟

She was suddenly two years old and in

a flash we were both back then, fifteen-

odd years ago. Husband jumped out of the

bed and automatically went to clean up her

room. I ran a bath with Matey bubbles in,

undressed her, and put her in. I stroke her

hair and sponged her back whilst her

sobbing changed slowly to wailing then

weeping then snivelling then occasional

whimpering and eventually to quiet calm.

asi ve 4 ráno a slyšela Doru, jak mi brečí

u hlavy, „Maminko“, „Maminko.“

Rozsvítila jsem a viděla, jak tam stojí, třese

se a je od hlavy k patě zadělaná od

krevetových zvratkŧ. „Maminko, mně je

hrozně špatně!“ Najednou jsme se ocitli

v době před 15 lety a z ní byla zase malá

dvouletá cácorka. Manţel vyskočil

z postele a mazal zlikvidovat svinčík

v jejím pokoji. Já jsem mezitím napustila

horkou vodu, přidala do ní pěnu, zbavila

Doru poblitýho pyţama a poloţila ji do

vany. Hladila jsem ji po vlasech a houbou

jsem jí jemně omývala záda. Počáteční

brekot se postupem času zmírnil na

občasné vzlyky a fňukání aţ nakonec ustal

úplně.

I dried her and we even managed to giggle

when I covered her in talc with my

fabulous big pink powder puff I had for

Christmas from Husband. We giggled

more when I put her in one of my old

nighties. She looked so tiny in it. Husband

brought sweet tea, and I tucked her back

into her newly made bed and kissed her

Usušila jsem ji a dokonce se mi ji podařilo

rozesmát, kdyţ jsem ji zasypala pudrem

a pouţila k tomu svoji úţasnou obří

rŧţovou houbičku, co jsem dostala od

Manţela k Vánocŧm. Daleko víc jsme se

nasmály, kdyţ jsem ji navlíkla do jedný ze

svých starých nočních košil, ve který se

málem ztratila. Manţel donesl horký čaj,

38

goodnight. společně jsme ji uloţili do nově povlečené

postele a dali jí pusu na dobrou noc.

Am staying in bed today. Dad called

school and they said so long as I did some

of my work at home, it would be all right

and I won‟t get too far behind. The only

really big thing I have to do is compose

a song for Music. Should be easy coz

I like sing songs all the time.

Dneska zŧstávám v posteli. Taťka volal do

školy a prej, ţe pokud si dodělám nějaký

úkoly doma, abych nebyla moc pozadu, tak

je to v klidu. Jedinej mega úkol, co musím

zmáknout na hudebku, je sloţit písničku,

coţ by měla bejt hračka, páč si neustále

něco pobroukávám.

Right good, I‟ve done that so now I can

read the new Heat magazine and maybe

watch Cash in the Attic. Dad is coming

back from work at lunchtime to make me

something and check up on me coz Mum‟s

still ill in bed. Dad asked what I‟d like for

lunch. I said Pop Tarts.

Super, takţe to bychom měli. Teď si mŧţu

v klidu přečíst Cosmogirl nebo se mrknout

na How I met your mother. Taťka se kolem

oběda zastaví doma, aby mě zkontroloval,

kdyţ je matka pořád nemocná, a připraví

mi něco k jídlu. Taky se mě ptal, co bych

ráda k obědu, na coţ jsem mu odpověděla,

ţe chci sušenky.

I went to the mirror to put on my face.

When I started to dab my tinted

moisturizer I realized that I didn‟t entirely

recognize the face staring back at me.

There were enough vestiges of my familiar

face to assure me it was actually me.

But… what were these folds and crevasses

and blotchy red veins and big open pores?

Posadila jsem se k zrcadlu, abych ze sebe

udělala normálního člověka. Při nanášení

tónovacího hydratačního krému jsem si

však uvědomila, ţe se na mě ze zrcadla

dívá neznámá osoba. Všimla jsem si ale

několika znakŧ, který mě utvrdily, ţe jsem

to fakt já. Ale kde se vzaly ty záhyby

a trhliny a popraskaný červený ţilky

39

a ohromný póry?

Today, she was wearing combat trousers,

hiking boots and a short-sleeved beige

shirt. She looked like a keen junior staff

member at a safari park. Nothing about her

says „I‟m the receptionist – welcome –

how can I help you?‟ Everything about her

says „If you provoke me in any way, I will

attack you with my alarming teeth and

I will eat you.‟

Dneska měla na sobě maskáče, pohorky

a béţový triko s rukávem a vypadala jak

nadšený prŧvodce safari parkem. V ţivotě

byste neřekli, ţe od ní uslyšíte „Vítejte, já

jsem recepční, jak vám mohu pomoci?“

Naopak, celá její osobnost jako by říkala

„Pokud byste mě chtěli vytáčet, pŧjdu vám

po krku a seţeru vás.“

In the meantime I‟m going to spend an

exorbitant £80 on a miracle cream which

I‟m perfectly aware won‟t work, to try and

grout some of the deeper trenches in my

poor cracking face. It will make me feel

better to spend the money. At least that

way I have activately taken a stand. After

all, I‟m worth it…

Mezitím se chystám vypláznout

neuvěřitelnejch 80 liber za zázračnej krém

proti vráskám, kterej stejně nebude

fungovat, abych se pokusila zahladit rýhy

na polorozpadajícím se obličeji. Aspoň ze

sebe budu mít dobrej pocit a budu si moct

říct, ţe jsem se snaţila s tím něco udělat.

Však jak se to říká? Vy za to stojíte…

I do not eat. I rarely sleep. I merely

breathe. I do not live a life worth living.

I am a husk of my former self.

Vŧbec nejím, nespím a stěţí dýchám.

Nejsem hoden ţít a uţívat si ţivota. Jsem

pouhou slupkou mého dřívějšího já.

Oh, the giddy whirl of it. Noel. One has to

form a kiss to say it. Noel. Oh, I detest

every pointless waking moment where

I am not saying it.

Jaká euforická závrať. Noel. Abych

vyslovil to sladké jméno, musím našpulit

pusu jako při polibku. Noel. Jak

bezvýznamný se zdá být kaţdičký

40

moment, kdy se neprobouzím s jeho

jménem na rtech.

I was looking forward to catching up with

my clients. Most of them cancelled last

week when they discovered I was off.

Uţ jsem se opravdu těšila, jak doţenu

všechny resty s klienty. Většina z nich

minulej týden zrušila sezení, kdyţ zjistili,

ţe jsem nemocná.

We use to call it „DWB‟ at uni. „Different

With Boys‟. We applied it to women who

betray their entire gender by constantly

operating in a submissive, teasing,

coquettish manner, setting us all back by

decades. Those signals which are all

wrong for this particular workplace. For

any workplace – unless it‟s a lap-dancing

club.

Na škole jsme pouţívaly nálepku

„JéeSKá“, coţ znamená „Jiná S Klukama“.

Takhle jsme označovaly holky, co

zrazovaly ţenský pohlaví tím, ţe se

podřizovaly, provokovaly a koketovaly,

jak kdybysme ţily před sto lety. Mám teď

na mysli signály, který se na pracoviště

absolutně nehoděj. Vlastně se nehoděj

nikam - leda tak do bordelu.

She swanned by and gave me a little wave.

„Hi, Maureen, gorgeous to see you!‟ She

was wearing a turquoise low-cut Indian

smock-top with sequins sewn into the

cleavage and white trousers. Perhaps she

believes we are about to launch our

practice as a Mediterranean cruise?

Enough. Shush. Back in the knife drawer,

Mrs Sharp.

Přicupitala ke mně a zamávala.

„Čau, Maureen, moc ráda tě vidím!“ Měla

na sobě tyrkysovou indiánskou halenku

s hlubokým výstřihem a našitýma flitrama

a bílý kalhoty. Snad si nemyslí, ţe

začneme podnikat na zámořským parníku?

Tak dost, buď zticha. Hoď se do klidu,

paní Papulo Prořízlá.

Things I hate about myself: Věci, který na sobě nesnáším:

41

1. Am fat

FAT face, fat nose, fat neck, fat ears, fat

eyes, fat arms, fat hips, fat thighs, the

fattest knees in the whole sixth form, fat

calves, fat feet, fat toes. Only thing not fat

is hair, and that‟s like the only thing

I actually want, is fat hair.

2. Am ugly

Eyes not level and far too small. Scar

above eyebrow from falling off scooter.

Disgusting spots. Dandruff. Teeth uneven

and yellow however much I brush them.

Eight chins. Neck look like a foreskin.

I think. Haven‟t actually ever seen a real

one. Arms look like an old fat retired

wrestler‟s arms. With cellulite all over.

Tits too small and face outwards. Nipples

not even and look like dried apricots.

Could never EVER show them. Torso too

long for the leg length. Really disgusting

middle bits looks like three ugly people‟s

middles sellotaped together. Could never

1. Jsem tlustá

TLUSTEJ obličej, tlustej nos, špekatej krk,

tlustý uši, tlustý oči, tlustý ruce, tlustý

boky, tlustý stehna, nejtlustší kolena z celý

střední, tlustý lejtka, tlustý nohy, tlustý

prsty. Jediný co není tlustý, jsou mý vlasy

a to je tak jediná věc, která by tlustá bejt

mohla.

2. Jsem hnusná

Oči mrňavý a daleko od sebe. Jizva nad

obočím od pádu ze skútra. Odporný

beďary. Lupy. Křivý zaţloutlý zuby

(i přesto, jak je drbu). Osm brad. Krk

pomačkanej jak předkoţka. Aspoň myslim,

ţe tak vypadá. Ruce starýho tlustýho

zápasníka sumo s celulitídou navrch.

Mrňavý kozy trčící dopředu. Bradavky

kaţdá jiná a vypadaj jak uschlý meruňky.

V ţivotě bych je nemohla nikomu ukázat.

Tělo moc dlouhý, nohy moc krátký.

Nechutný špeky na břiše. Zkuste si

představit špeky dalších tří nechutně

42

show. Fanny – like, so revolting. Looks

like I bought it off the deli counter. Can‟t

believe that‟s normal. Too many flaps.

Could NEVER show anyone. Tree trunk

legs with no shape. Shins are weird colour,

spotty red and white. Feet are huge and

more like flippers that feet. Small toe curls

under, hardly there. Hands, fingers, nails –

deformed.

3. Have hair everywhere.

Am like Mexican werewolf-boys.

Eyebrows too thick and each hair too long.

Hair on sides of face like Mr. Darcy. Hair

on top lip. Small thin hair under chin. Hair

in nostrils. Hair under-arms in repulsive

clumps. Small hair on arms. Hair on fanny

– grows sideways and made of iron. Hair

in bum crack! Not much, but there. Oh

God I am vile. Not human. Hair on legs,

full length. Hair on toes. Like hobbits. All

above hair shaved on daily basis with

Dad‟s sharp razor. Mum says to wax but

like can‟t wait that long for it to grow.

Hair all over me. Made of hair.

vyţranejch lidí, slepte je izolačkou

a přidejte na moji horu sádla. V ţivotě to

nikdo neuvidí. Pipina je jako fakt odporná.

To fakt nemŧţe bejt normální mít tam tolik

převisŧ. NIKDY ji nikomu neukáţu. Nohy

jak dva beztvarý špalky. Holeně mají

divnou bílo-červeno poďobanou barvu.

Chodidla nejsou chodidla, ale spíš ploutve.

Malíčky sou vohnutý a skoro nejsou vidět.

Zdeformovaný ruce, prsty a nehty.

3. Jsem chlupatá od hlavy až k patě

Jsem zarostlá jak pračlověk. Mám chlupy

úplně všude. Děsně chlupatý obočí

a kaţdej jednotlivej chlup je navíc extra

dlouhej a chlupatej. Kotlety jak Elvis

Presley. Knírek nad horním rtem. Pár

chloupkŧ na bradě. Chlupy v nose.

Pořádnej drn chlupŧ v podpaţí. Chlupy na

rukou. Chlupy na pipče trčí do strany

a jsou tuhý a nepoddajný. Chlupy mezi

pŧlkama! Sice ne moc, ale stejně. Chlupy

na nohou od břicha po chodidla. Chlupy na

prstech jak hobit. Od kotníkŧ nahoru se

teda denně holím tátovou ţiletkou, ale

43

4. Skin

Dry skin on knees, elbows, scalp, feet.

Oily skin on whole face.

Eczema elbows, knees, back of knees.

Spots – whole face, back.

Scabs – scalp, one on arm, two on legs.

Porridge-cellulite – belly, legs, tops of

arms.

Colour – mostly pale grey-ish or bright

red.

5. Hair on head – normally disgusting

brown and curly.

Has blonde highlights but they look shit

and can‟t afford to get them one as often

as I need so roots grow through and look

sooooo like chavvy. Have clip-in

extensions but they are different colour

and get matted and look wrong. Blonde

dye has made it go all dry so won‟t go

right in the straighteners or in the giant

rollers. Just sits on head and looks like

matka mi radí, ať pouţívám vosk. To tak

a budu čekat milion let, neţ chlupy

narostou do dobrý dýlky, abych se jich

zbavila. Jsem holt jeden velkej chodící

chlup. Paneboţe, jsem fakt odporná.

4. Kůže

Suchá kŧţe na kolenech, loktech, hlavě

a chodidlech. Na obličeji zas jedna velká

mastnota. Ekzemický lokty, kolena a zadní

část kolen.

Beďary- celej ksich, záda.

Strupy na hlavě, jeden na ruce, dva na

nohách.

Celulitída na břiše, nohách a paţích.

Barva většinou našedlá nebo spařeně rudá.

5. Chlupy na hlavě – za normálních

podmínek hnědý a kudrnatý.

Blonďatý melíry, který stojej za hovno, ale

nemám prachy, abych si je nechávala

dodělávat, jak bych potřebovala, takţe mi

odrŧstaj a já pak vypadám jak bezďák.

Mám sice pár nastřelenejch pramenŧ, ale

44

a long dry disgusting hair hat or

something. Can‟t even put it up coz then

you see brown bits underneath. So

completely disgusting that I have to hide it

all under a woolly cap. Conclusion – I am

a vile disgusting Gollum girl. No wonder

I haven‟t got a boyfriend. Even I wouldn‟t

go out with me.

I am hateful.

Hideous.

Ugly.

vypadaj děsně a uţ se tak nelesknou, páč je

peroxidová barva vysušila, takţe je

nemŧţu dost dobře napasovat do

narovnávače nebo natáček. Prostě to

vypadá, jako bych měla na hlavě dlouhý

pochcaný stýbla slámy, který si nemŧţu

ani oddělat, páč by byly vidět odrosty. Jako

je to fakt odporný, takţe to radši zakrejvám

pod vlněnou čepici.

Abychom to shrnuli: Jsem nechutnej

odpornej Golem a je jasný, proč nemám

chlapa. Ani já bych se sebou nešla na

rande.

Jsem škaredka.

Ohyzda.

Hnuska.

Though Mother is a thoroughly good, it

has lately come to my attention that she

may not be best acquainted with a little

friend I like to call „taste‟.

I přestoţe je matka duchaplný jedinec,

nemohl mému zraku uniknout fakt, ţe se

příliš nesblíţila s mým kamarádíčkem,

kterého si dovoluji nazývat “vkus”.

No matter. Have come up with the most

inventive of plans, and poor dear dull

Mama has no inkling of my cunning

Co naplat. Vynasnaţil jsem se a přednesl

jsem jí nejbrilantnější nápady, ale ta

hloupoučká nebohá ţenština nemá vŧbec

45

devices. tušení, co jí mohu nabídnout.

Speaking of dressing, and how to do it

appropriately, today heralded a new low in

Dirty Dora‟s panoply of distasteful attire.

The floozy cretin came into the drawing

room sporting a clinging pink T-shirt,

intended by all accounts for a four-year-

old child. The shape of it was entirely

artless, grabbing viciously at her bosoms,

and displaying her mass of wobbling

stomach flesh. Across her chest was

emblazoned the startling fluorescent logo,

announcing her to be a „Porn Star‟.

Charming. Not only is it sordid, it‟s

supremely inaccurate. Dippy Dora out-

virgin Mary.

Kdyţ uţ mluvíme o oblékání a zásadách,

kterých je v oblasti módy nutno dodrţovat,

dnešní den přinesl jeden z dalších pokleskŧ

v obludáriu ohavných oděvŧ naší Odrbané

Dory. Ta blbka vešla do obýváku

a vystavovala na odiv příliš těsné rŧţové

triko určené na dívenky do 4 let. Střih

naprosto bez nápadu aţ příliš odhaloval

poprsí a masu pod nimi v podobě

překypujících špekŧ. Přes celá prsa se

vyjímal natištěný a silně znepokojivý

blýskavý nápis, který hlásal světu, ţe je

“Porno hvězda”. Vskutku kouzelné. Avšak

tento nápis shledávám velice pobuřujícím

a nesmírně nepřesným, jelikoţ Dutohlav

Dora by nepřekonala svými sexuálními

dostaveníčky ani panenku Marii.

„Admittedly the song is a tiny bit… how

should I put if folks?… erm… bland. Yes,

a bit, generic, with lots of “ooo baby‟s” in

it, like they do, haha, erm, but it certainly

shows promise, so a big whoa for that.

Whoa! Yes, bags of promise…‟

“Řekněme si upřímně, písnička je

trošičku… jak to jen nazvat?… ehm…

nevýrazná. Ano, to je to slovo, trochu

mdlá. Tedy je v ní mnoho výrazŧ “ou

bejby”, jak to tak bývá, ţe, ale jednoznačně

má potenciál, takţe třikrát hurá! Ano, ano,

obrovský potenciál…”

46

Husband and I had a large drink in the pub

afterwards and couldn‟t help laughing all

the way home. Oh Dora. How we love you

in all your splendid naivety.

S Manţelem jsme se pak stavili v hospodě,

abychom to zapili, a po cestě jsme se

pořádně nasmáli. Ach jo, Doro. Ty jsi

někdy taková roztomilá naivka, ale stejně

tě máme rádi.

What a totally amazing day. Just goes to

show you shouldn‟t judge a book by its

title, because I could never EVER of

believed that Nana Pamela was so like,

amazingly amazing. I was only supposed

to be going over there to drop off Poo.

She‟s being spayed tomorrow and Nana

Pamela lives nearest the vet so she‟s

taking her in. Mum wouldn‟t have been

able to deal with it really, she gets so

stress about anything to do with the dog.

What is spaying anyway? I think it‟s

taking her eggs or something so she can‟t

get pregnant. Hope she gets one of those

huge cones they put on dog‟s heads to stop

them licking the stitches. She had one of

those when her leg broke, it was mega

hilarious. Kept banging into furniture and

you could creep up on her from behind

and scare her to death. Sooo funny.

Dneska úplně nejskvělejší den! Zjistila

jsem, ţe jak se říká “Nesuď knihu podle

obalu”, tak to je fakt pravda, páč bych

v ţivotě nevěřila, ţe babi Pamela je tak

úţasňákově úţasná. Měla jsem za úkol se

k ní zastavit a donýst jí Bobinu, páč ji

zejtra budou kastrovat a babi Pamela to má

k veterináři nejblíţ, tak jí veme. Matka by

nebyla schopná se postarat, páč pokaţdý

začne bejt aţ moc hysterická, kdyţ jde

o Bobinu.

Co to vŧbec znamená vykastrovat? Asi ţe

jí vezmou vajíčka nebo tak něco, takţe pak

nebude moct bejt těhotná. Doufám, ţe

dostane takovej ten kornout na hlavu, co

normálně psi dostávaj, aby si nelízali

stehy. Uţ ho jednou měla, kdyţ si zlomila

pacinu, a to bylo mega krutě hustý, páč furt

naráţela do nábytku a my sme se za ní

mohli potichu plíţit zezadu a děsit ji.

47

I wish she wasn‟t getting it done though. It

would be like sooo sweet if she had

puppies, I would like sooo love it. With

their tiny tiny teeth and tiny tiny hot

tongues licking your face.

Taaaaaková prdel.

Stejně bych ale byla radši, kdyby nemusela

jít pod kudlu, páč by bylo faaakt suprový,

kdyby měla štěňátka. To by se mi fakt

líbílo, kdyby mi s těma svýma

mrňavoučkýma horkýma jazýčkama

oblizovali tváře a malinkatýma mini

zoubkama okusovali obličej.

So Poo would give birth to a lot of tiny

poos. Be better if the dad was white or

something, then the puppies would look

more like dogs. I love it when the dog like

so goes with the handbag? Like if the bag

is pinky glittery and the dog coat and

collar too. It‟s sooo great. I know it‟s like

totally plastic to want a mini-dog but

that‟s the only plastics‟ thing I‟m jealous

of.

Bobina by pak mohla porodit spoustu

mrňavých bobíkŧ. Bylo by teda lepší,

kdyby tatínek byl bílej, aby pak ty ňufíci

vypadali víc jako pejskové. Dost ujíţdim

na tom, kdyţ psi laděj s kabelkou. Jako

kdyţ je kabelka rŧţová a s flitrama a pes

má rŧţovej flitrovanej obleček a obojek.

To je taaak úţasný. Vim, ţe pejsci do

kabelky jsou děsně barbínovský, ale to je

jediná věc, kterou jim závidim.

So I just kept talking, all about Sam, and

school, and Lottie and stuff. Then she like

totally gobsmacked me when she said,

„And tell me, sweetie pie, did you bonk

each other?‟ Oh my actual God. Just like

that. What weird word old people say to

make it sound like you‟re not actually

Tak jsem pořád mluvila dokola o Samovi,

škole, Lottie a dalších věcech. Pak mě teda

úplně odrovnala, kdyţ se z ničeho nic

zeptala: “A ještě mi řekni, zlatíčko, uţ jste

spolu trtkali?” Jeţísi Kriste! Prostě to

řekla. Jenom tak. Stejně ale pro to starý lidi

pouţívaj divný výrazy, který zněj jak

48

doing it, you‟re just jumping about or

something. Like Tigger.

Anyway, we just started laughing and it

was really good. And I told her I‟ve never

actually done it and then we just kept

talking about it and she said we should

like play a sort of game where I ask like

ANY questions I like about sex stuff, and

she has to answer really honestly. So it

went like:

ME: OK. How long does sex actually take

to do?

NANA PAMELA: Well, the cuddling and

stuff can take ages but in and out and done

stuff is about five minutes usually. If

you‟re lucky.

ME: Oh my God. I think it took hours.

NANA PAMELA: No hon. Only if you

are Sting and his lovely wife Judy and

even then, most of that is just talk. And

endless awful meaningful staring. I should

imagine.

ME: How do you know if you‟re good at

it?

kdybyste to ani nedělali, ale jenom kolem

toho skákali nebo co. Jako opice.

Kaţdopádně, společně jsme se tomu

zasmály a bylo nám fakt dobře. Přiznala

jsem jí, ţe jsem to vlastně ještě nikdy

nedělala. Pak jsme si o tom vykládalya ona

navrhla zahrát si takovou tu hru na pravdu,

kdy se mŧţu zeptat na JAKOUKOLI

otázku týkající se sexu a věcí kolem toho

a ona mi musí pravdivě odpovědět.

Probíhalo to asi takhle:

JÁ: Dobře, tak jak dlouho to celý vlastně

zabere?

BABI PAMELA: No, mazlení a tak mŧţe

trvat celkem dlouho, ale to hlavní je

obvykle tak na pět minut. Pokud máš štěstí.

JÁ: Bohajeho. Já sem myslela, ţe to trvá

celý hodiny.

BABI PAMELA: Ne, zlato. To bys musela

být zpěvák Sting a jeho manţelka, ale i tak,

spoustu času je jenom ţvanění

a nekonečný velice smysluplný hledění si

do očí. Něco bych o tom měla vědět.

JÁ: Jak poznáš, ţe jsi v tom dobrá?

49

NANA PAMELA: All girls are good at it.

Being a girl automatically means you‟re

good at it.

ME: Does cling film work as well as

a condom?

NANA PAMELA: No, never do that. And

conversely, don‟t keep your sandwiches in

a condom either.

ME: What is a female condom?

NANA PAMELA: A bad idea.

ME: Should you ever let a boy to put his

you know in your bottom?

NANA PAMELA: Entirely up to you, but

personally I think that‟s the exit not the

entrance.

ME: Could it happen that he might wee in

you instead of the other thing?

NANA PAMELA: No. Never. Men have

plumbing that tells them exactly when to

which thing. The only thing that goes

wrong is when their brains mistake car

parks and shop doorways for toilets.

ME: Should you believe him when he says

his ball bags are filling up and it could

back up into his body and poison him or

BABI PAMELA: Všechny holky jsou

v tom dobrý. Uţ jen to, ţe jsi dívka,

znamená, ţe jsi v tom dobrá.

JÁ: Mŧţu pouţít potravinovou fólii místo

kondomu?

BABI PAMELA: Ne, to nikdy nedělej.

A platí to i obráceně. Nikdy si nestrkej

obloţenou housku do kondomu.

JÁ: Co to je ţenskej kondom?

BABI PAMELA: Špatný nápad.

JÁ: Měla bych klukovi dovolit, aby mi

strčil, víš co, do zadku?

BABI PAMELA: To záleţí na tobě, ale

osobně si myslím, ţe by zadek měl být

pouze jednosměrka.

JÁ: Mŧţe se stát, ţe by do tebe načŧral

místo tý jiný věci?

BABI PAMELA: Ne, nikdy. Muţi mají

nářadí, které jim vţdycky řekne přesně,

kdy co dělat. Jedinou chybou je, kdyţ si

jejich mozek zamění parkoviště nebo kanál

za záchod.

JÁ: Měla bych jim věřit, kdyţ říkaj, ţe se

jejich pytlík naplňuje a ţe by se to mohlo

vrátit zpátky do těla a otrávit je, nebo by

50

even just burst if you don‟t help him out?

NANA PAMELA: No. But you could

offer to puncture or lance them with

a sharp implement in order to facilitate

drainage. See what he says then.

ME: When I should say yes to going all

the way?

NANA PAMELA: When that boy is

a beautiful generous spirit who loves you

and cares about how you feel and doesn‟t

pester you to do it before you‟re ready.

When you know he will understand how

golden the moment is, for both of you.

When you can honestly say he‟s a top-

notch fella who thinks you are the cat‟s

pyjamas, and wants to make this moment

matter…

jim prostě explodoval, kdybych jim s tim

nepomohla?

BABI PAMELA: Ne, ale mŧţeš jim zkusit

navrhnout, ţe jim do pytlíku zapíchneš

velmi ostrý nástroj, aby se jim ten

přebytečný tlak uvolnil. Uvidíš, co ti na to

řeknou.

JÁ: Kdybych měla kývnout, abysme to

dělali se vším všudy?

BABI PAMELA: Kdyţ má ten dotyčný

krásnou a upřímnou duši, miluje tě

a zajímájí ho tvé pocity a nenutí tě dělat

nic, na co bys nebyla připravená. A taky

pokud jsi si jistá, ţe bude rozumět, jak je

tento okamţik pro vás oba dŧleţitý. Kdyţ

si mŧţeš upřímně říct, ţe je to ten nejlepší

kluk, který si myslí, ţe jsi nejúţasnější na

světě, a chce, aby to byl pro vás oba

neopakovatelný záţitek…

It is the mark of a gentleman to arrive

upon the scene well groomed and

fragnant. I hoped that a liberal spraying of

the Pater‟s sports deodorant would help to

staunch the underarm flow, and if not, at

least perfume the offending area.

Vhodně zvolený oblek a vŧni povaţuji za

nezbytnosti, kterými by měl disponovat

kaţdý mladý gentleman. Ve skrytu duše

jsem doufal, ţe pouţitím otcova

deodorantu zabráním nadměrnému pocení

v oblasti podpaţní a pokud nic, tak alespoň

51

I splashed some of Pamela‟s lavender

water about my neck and face and tugged

some Bryl-creem through my untruly

shock. I let alone my chin where I am

pleased to note a small but significant

display of hirsute manliness has recently

sprouted. I fancy I cut quite a dash on a

final glance in the broken mirrors.

Unfortunately I had to don the God-awful

blazer to leave school (rule) but all in all, I

knew the effect was pleasing.

The journey to Mama‟s office was

a delight. It might have taken considerably

longer had I been condemned to walk on

the pavement but of course, I had a ticket

to ride on the cloud.

provoním tuto kritickou oblast. Také jsem

si chtěl na krk a obličej naplácat jednu

z Pameliných levandulových toaletních

vod, ale k mému zděšení jsem vymáčkl

jakýsi gel. Na bradu jsem vŧbec nesahal,

jelikoţ jsem byl velice potěšen, ţe v této

oblasti začaly nedávno rašit první známky

muţnosti. Musím říct, ţe poslední pohled

na mou osobnost v zrcadle byl více neţ

pŧsobivý. Avšak k mému zklamání jsem si

musel znovu obléknout to donebevolající

úděsné sako, abych mohl odejít ze školy.

Avšak i přesto jsem si byl jist, ţe výsledek

mého snaţení byl více neţ potěšující.

Při cestě do matčiny kanceláře jsem

proţíval rozkoš, jeţ mohla trvat trochu

déle, kdybych byl nucen jít po chodníku,

ale já se vznášel nad zemí.

Although admittedly a „big‟ fellow, I was

but a wisp, being carried along by the

sweetest of zephyrs. Tumbling, whooshing

even onwards towards my destiny.

Towards Noel.

In less than a fairy‟s tinkle, I was at the

door.

I přesto, ţe jsem urostlý mladý muţ, v tuto

chvíli jsem byl pouhým lístečkem

unášeným nejsvěţejším vánkem, který si

se mnou pohrával a já jsem se mílovými

kroky řítil dál a dál vstříc mému osudu.

Vstříc Noelovi.

Neţ bys řekl švec, stál jsem u dveří.

52

Thus, in order to catch sight of my

beloved, and to allow him to feast his eyes

upon me, I must appear as if out of the

ether, utterly coincidentally, by his side. It

must be supremely casual. Nothing deters

a potential lover so much as the whiff of

desperation. In order to know when he

might be approaching, I needed to be

positioned at the front desk, near Lisa.

This meant concorting numerous reasons

to come out and station myself by her.

I dreamed up endless questions to

preoccupy her, mostly practical requests

and banal enquiries, like:

„Do you enjoy working here?

Or:

„What time did you start this morning?‟

Or:

„That‟s a lovely practical haircut you have

there.‟

But she was soon flagging and in need of

a more fruitful line of enquiry so as to

elicit lengthier stories, thereby allowing

me to tarry awhile longer.

Tudíţ abych mohl zachytit pohled objektu

své touhy a nechat ho popást se na mně

očima, musím se objevit zcela náhodně

jako pára nad hrncem přímo vedle něj a být

naprosto nenucený. Nic tak spolehlivě

neodstraší potencionálního milence jako

náznak zoufalství. Abych nepromeškal

jediný okamţik, kdy by mne mohl spatřit,

postával jsem u recepčního pultíku s Lisou,

coţ znamenalo najít si několik dobrých

záminek, proč dojít k pultíku a zaujmout

strategickou pozici. Vymyslel jsem si tedy

nekonečné mnoţství velice dŧmyslných

a propracovaných praktických dotazŧ.

Takţe to šlo asi takto:

„Máte ráda tuhle práci?“

Nebo:

„Od kolika hodin pracujete?“

Nebo:

„Moc se mi líbí Váš účes. Jistě je velmi

praktický.“

Její pozornost však začala pomalu ale jistě

ochabovat, tudíţ jsem musel přijít

s promyšlenějšími otázkami, aby mi

musela něco povyprávět, coţ mi umoţnilo

53

postávat u pultíku o něco déle.

Quelle horreur! The day was over and not

a moment had been spent with my darling

dreamboat. Terrible – all is terrible! Mama

emerged from her drab room and offered

me a lift home. I was initially reluctant,

because perhaps now, at this moment, at

this last moment, I might catch a glimpse

of him?

Quelle horreur! Den byl téměř u konce a já

nestrávil jediný okamţik s předrahým

objektem mé touhy. Příšerné – jedním

slovem příšerné! Matka se vynořila ze

svojí depresivní šedé kanceláře a nabídla

mi odvoz. Zprvu jsem se zdráhal, jelikoţ

moţná právě teď, v tuto chvíli, v tuto

jedinečnou chvíli bych ho mohl konečně

spatřit.

I have an angry rash on my face from my

allergy to the expensive anti-ageing cream,

AND...The bloody dog is pregnant. It‟s

sod‟s law, isn‟t it? I finally get round to

having her spayed and the vet tells me

this. I did notice she was a bit fatter, but

we‟re all a bit fatter. I‟m fatter and I‟m not

pregnant. Dora‟s fatter and she‟s not

pregnant.

Oh God... Please say she‟s not pregnant!

She‟d tell me if she‟d started having

sex…She couldn‟t possibly have sex

without telling me – could she? And

surely not with that boy – can‟t remember

his name – Ben? Tom? – not with him,

Kvŧli silný alergický reakci na předraţenej

krém proti stárnutí mám teď ksicht jako

jednu velkou vyráţku a NAVÍC… Ten

blbej pes je v jináči. Tomu se říká zákon

schválnosti. Konečně jsem se dokopala

a vzala ho k veterináři vykastrovat

a dozvím se toto. Všimla jsem si, ţe

v poslední době přibrala, ale kdo ne? Já

jsem přibrala a nejsem těhotná. Dora to

samý.

O Boţe, prosím tě, dej, ať není těhotná!

Snad by mi řekla, ţe začala sexuálně ţít…

Snad by neměla sex, aniţ by mi o tom

řekla – nebo jo? Doufám, ţe nespala

s tamtím klukem – jakţe se jmenoval?

54

please. He‟s only two inches tall. Please

tell me she hasn‟t had sex with Tom

Thumb, without telling me?

Ben? Tom? Prosím, s ním ne. Vţdyť to byl

prcek. Boţe, prosím tě, řekni mi, ţe

nespala s tím hobitem, aniţ by mi to řekla?

Had such a weird conversation with Mum.

Sometimes she is like so deranged. She

shouldn‟t be allowed to do her job really,

coz how would people feel if they knew

how nuts shecan be? She‟s supposed to be

the clever one but I swear to God she gets

it so wrong sometimes. Mostly it‟s coz

she‟s such a drama queen.

Dneska jsem měla podivnou řeč s matkou.

Někdy jí fakt hrabe. Vŧbec by jí neměli

dovolit pracovat, páč co by asi lidi dělali,

kdyby věděli, ţe se chová jak magor? Měla

by bejt chytrá jak rádio, ale přísahám

Bohu, ţe jí to fakt někdy leze na mozek.

Většinou hlavně proto, ţe kaţdou kravinu

je schopná hnát do mega obřích rozměrŧ.

Then, out of bloody nowhere, she

suddenly says, „You‟re not pregnant, are

you Dora?‟ Like that. Like a bloody

gunshot or something. The dog is

pregnant, so I must be pregnant? Eh?

What is she talking about? Like somehow

you catch pregnancy off dogs? What is her

bloody planet? And thanks for assuming

I‟m some kind of slut or something. Doing

it all over the place with, like ANYONE.

And thanks for like rubbing my nose in it

just when I‟m feeling so 188% virgin that

no one wants to sleep with me anyway coz

I‟m so bloody fat or something.

A pak se z ničeho nic najednou zeptala,

„Doro, nejseš těhotná, ţe ne?“ Prostě to

takhle na mě vybalila. Si jako myslí, ţe

kdyţ je pes v jináči, tak já musim bejt

taky? Jako fakt? Vo co jí vŧbec de? Ţe

Bobina na mě něco prskne a bum, jsem

v jináči? Vrať se na svoji dutoplanetu!

A mimochodem, dík, ţe si myslíš, ţe jsem

taková rozhoďnoţka, co si vychrápává

s KÝMKOLI na poţádání. Jo, a dík za to,

ţe mi to dáváš seţrat zrovna teď, kdyţ se

cejtim jak nejposlednější panna pod

sluncem, který se kaţdej štítí a nechce s ní

spát, páč je vyţraná jak ţok.

55

Look what she‟s bloody made me do now.

I have to eat like this whole packet of Jaffa

cakes to even feel a tiny bit better. So

thanks Mum, for all your endless belief in

me. Perhaps if you stopped thinking I‟m

a slag, I might actually like myself a bit

more and then I might NOT eat so many

Jaffa cakes? Excuse me. Who is the shrink

now?

Tak se podívejme, k čemu mě zas donutila.

Na zahnání příšerný depky jsem musela

zdávit celý balení bonbošky. Takţe díky ti,

matko, za tvou neskonalou dŧvěru ve mě.

Kdyby sis laskavě přestala myslet, ţe jsem

běhna, moţná bych se měla mnohem radši

a pak bych kvŧli tobě nemusela seţrat tolik

čokošky! Ha! A pak, ţe ty seš jedinej

cvokař v rodině!

We convened at the usual hour, in the

dingle. Today‟s password was „Audrey

Hepburn‟. Hargreaves knew well enough

who she was, but Wilson commenced

a litany of atrocious transgressions by

pronouncing her name to be „Angela

Hopburn‟. What a beautiful fool he

transpires to be. He claimed never to have

heard of her. Thus followed a full fifteen-

minutes briefing on the many attributes of

said Ms Hepburn. Hargreaves employed

words such as: „elegant‟, „tiny‟ and „posh‟.

I rather fancy that I was a jot more

eloquent, parrying with the likes of

„gamine‟, „flawless‟ and „dainty‟.

Sešli jsme se v obvyklou hodinu, v boudě

na praktika. Heslo dne znělo „Audrey

Hepburn“. Hargreaves byl s touto

osobností obeznámen, ale Wilson se

dopustil prohřešku prvního stupně, kdyţ

vyslovil její jméno jako „Angela

Hopburnová“. Jaký to ubohý blázínek.

Dovolil si tvrdit, ţe o ní nikdy v ţivotě

neslyšel. Poté následovala

patnáctiminutová diskuze o významu

a přednostech jiţ zmíněné paní

Hepburnové, přičemţ Hargreaves pouţil

adjektiva jako „elegantní“, „drobná“

a „šik“. Já jsem v tomto ohledu o kousíček

výřečnější a pouţil jsem superlativa

„uličnická“, „dokonalá“ a „líbezná“.

56

Got a letter this morning. Well not an

actual letter, but a kind of appointment

card thing to tell me the date – omigod –

of the first round of X Factor auditions in

London!! This is like, so boom! This is it,

baby. Stage one. Passed it. I can continue

on in my goal of my dreams towards

becoming Britain‟s Next Top Singer.

Dneska ráno mi přišel dopis. No dobře, ne

opravdickej dopis, ale takový to oznámení

s datem prvního kola X Faktoru

v Londýně! Paneboţe! Tohle je fakt pecka!

Je to tady bejby. Fáze číslo jedna hotovo.

Teď mŧţu jet vstříc mému snu zpěvačky

a stát se hvězdou Británie hledá Superstar.

Noel bought the drinks, I had a half of

cider, he had a pint, and we sat by the door

on the only avalailable and very draughty

table. Initially, he continued his line of

questioning about various aspects of work,

and he was extremely engaged. There‟s no

doubt that he is bright and he is definitely

confident about his prospects for career in

psychology. He is less of Jungian than me,

more Kleinian, more interpretative, but

nevertheless, he‟s clever I think.

Noel nám koupil pití. Já si dala malý pivo,

on velký a společně jsme si sedli

k jedinýmu volnýmu stolu, kterej byl

zrovna v prŧvanu. Nejdřív se začal

vyptávat na nejrŧznější věci okolo práce

a vypadal velice zainteresovaně. Vŧbec

jsem nepochybovala o jeho jasné představě

a odhodlání, co se týče budoucí kariéry

v oblasti psychologie. Sice nezastává

Jungovskou školu tak jako já a tíhne víc ke

Kleinovský škole, která se spíš soustředí na

interpretace, ale rozhodně má potenciál.

Not me, I‟m not going to waste my life on

a bloody job where you just go to the same

place 24/11 and die of boringness.

To mně teda rozhodně nehrozí, ţe bych se

zahrabala v jedný práci po zbytek ţivota

a chcípla tam nudou.

Noel seemed fascinated by all this when

we sat down together. I thought for

S Noelem jsme si sedli, abychom probrali

moji práci a kupodivu ho fascinovala.

57

a moment he might be suppressing a scoff,

saving up a snigger for later, but I realized

I was wrong, he was genuinely interested

in my methods, which for a young buck in

his thirties is fairly impressive. He was

attentive and curious and his subsequent

questions proved that he was listening.

I suspect he‟s a bit frightened of me.

George is forever telling me that I am

regarded as a Jekyll and Hyde – calm and

patient with my clients, but rigorous and

brusque with everyone else.

Nejdřív jsem si teda myslela, ţe se mi

vysmívá a pak mě za zádama pomluví, ale

uvědomila jsem si, ţe jsem se spletla a ţe

se skutečně zajímal o moje metody, coţ je

více neţ obdivuhodný na mladýho

třicetiletýho kluka. Kdyţ jsem mluvila,

dával pozor a zajímal se a taky mi pokládal

nejrŧznější otázky. Trochu jsem se

obávala, jestli se mě náhodou nebojí,

protoţe George mi věčně říká, ţe mám

rozpolcenou osobnost jako Jekyll a Hyde.

Při jednání s pacienty jsem klidná a mám

trpělivost, ale s kýmkoli dalším jsem aţ

moc příkrá a nekompromisní.

I could tell Mum was stressing but she put

on that fake thing for Lotts, sort of like

pretending that our house is some kind of

easy-come easy-go sort of place where

you can drop in any time you like coz

we‟re all so relaxed.

Bylo mi jasný, ţe matka zase vyšiluje, ale

před Lottie si hraje na velkou pohodářku

a předstírá, jaká je u nás pohodička a jak

jsme všichni v klidu.

After Lotts left, I Facebooked everyone

and told them about the Bunnies thing. No

replies yet but it‟s ages away.

Hned jak Lottie odešla, napsala jsem všem

na Fejsbŧku o akci Králíček. Zatím nikdo

neodepsal, ale to má ještě čas.

Anyway, Lottie was, and still is, Dora‟s

advocate and the only one that has hung in

Kaţdopádně, Lottie byla a pořád je Dořina

obhájkyně a je jediná, kdo to s ní vydrţí.

58

there. It‟s sweet when she comes round so

that they can study together. Not that they

study at all, but at least they are together,

hatching plans and whispering and

giggling, exactly as you‟re supposed to

when you‟re seventeen. Lottie seems an

unlikely amigo for Dora at first sight. She

is petite and fragile-looking.

Líbí se mi, jak se vţdycky zastaví, aby se

spolu mohly učit. Je jasný, ţe na učení ani

nešáhnou, ale aspoň jsou spolu, spřádají

plány, pochechtávají se a špitají si. Prostě

ty klasický holčičí věci, které jsme všechny

v jejich věku dělaly. Stejně bych ale na

první pohled neřekla, ţe si zrovna ony dvě

budou rozumět, kdyţ si vezmu, jak je

Lottie drobounká a křehká.

If they were blooms, Dora would be

a yellow sunflower and Lottie would be

fuchsia orchid.

Kdyby byly květiny, Dora by byla

slunečnice a Lottie rŧţová orchidej.

The majority of today was supremely

unlovely. Dippy Dora displayed the true

dimensions of her monumental ignorance

at breakfast when she announced with

giant confidence that she was hitherto only

eating white food. She claims that she has

been reliably informed (Heat Magazine,

I suspect) that should one limit oneself to

only a singular colour of food, one will

certainly loose weight.

Většina dnešního dne byla vrcholně

nepříjemná, jelikoţ nám Dutohlav Dora

opět ukázala svou skutečnou podstatu

v podobě do nebe volající blbosti, kdyţ

nám u snídaně hrdě oznámila, ţe bude od

dnešního dne jíst pouze jídlo bílé barvy.

Snaţila se nás přesvědčit, ţe tuto zprávu

zjistila ze spolehlivého zdroje (odhaduji

Cosmogirl), kde tvrdí, ţe pokud se budeme

stravovat jídlem jedné barvy, zcela určitě

pŧjdou kila dolŧ.

„Right. Listen up. Amputation. Sounds

unlikely but, but supposing, Peter slash

„Tak jo, poslouchej. Amputace. Je to sice

nepravděpodobný, ale představ si, Petře

59

Oscar, that a person was trapped by a limb

in a burning wreck, yea? Imagine that.

Terrifying. Immediate action is required.

One! Application of a makeshift

tourniquet using garments as restrictors.

Two! The precision of the incisions, to

exclude important arteries. Three! The

correct severing of the muscles and

retraction of the skin are crucial to

successful recovery. And you are going to

need your buddy to recover fast, mate,

believe me, to help you ward off wild

animals who will for sure be circling you

for the kill once the fire is out and they‟ve

smelled the blood.‟

All these details were apparently crucial,

and had to be explained at length.

pomlčka Oskare, ţe končetina nějakýho

člověka uvízla pod hořícíma troskama, jo?

Představ si to. Hrŧza. Musíš jednat rychle.

Za prvý! Ze svýho oblečení uděláš

provizorní tlakovej obvaz. Za druhý!

Provedeš příčnej řez, ale musíš se vyhnout

dŧleţitejm tepnám. Za třetí. Aby zotavení

bylo úspěšný, je nejdŧleţitější správně

odsekat svalovinu a odstranit přebytečnou

kŧţi. Ale pozor! Tvŧj kámoš se bude

muset zotavit fakt rychle, věř mi, páč ti

bude muset pomoct odhánět divokou zvěř,

která kolem vásbude určitě krouţit, aby na

vás zaútočila v momentě, kdy vám vyhasne

oheň a ona ucítí krev.“

Předpokládám, ţe bez všech těch

detailních popisŧ a sáhodlouhého

vysvětlování bychom se vskutku neobešli.

I then looked at the contact details on the

top of the last page of the file. Luke‟s

mother, who attends the sessions with him

once a month, is called Karen, and she‟s

a lady dinner. At my school. Wilson‟s

mother is a dinner lady at my school.

LUKE WILSON. I‟ve never known his

Poté jsem se podíval na kontaktní údaje na

poslední stránce sloţky. Lukova matka

s ním chodí na schŧzku jednou měsíčně,

jmenuje se Karen a pracuje v naší školní

kantýně jako kuchařka. Wilsonova matka

taky vlastně pracuje jako kuchařka v naší

školní kantýně. LUKE WILSON. Nikdy

60

first name. Year 9s don‟t have Cristian

names. Luke is Wilson.

jsem neznal jeho jméno stejně, jako jsem

neznal jméno jediného deváťáka. Luke je

Wilson.

Right, I‟ve GOT to finish my art

coursework by the end of this week so

what I‟m going to do is: I‟m going to

make a list of all the things I need to get

and do for the school prom and for my

bunnies party before I start that.

School Prom:

1. Purple prom dress (below knee, strapless

with netting petticoats)

2. Bag to go with dress (small, but must fit

phone in)

3. shoes to go with dress (at least 3 ½

inch

heel)

4. Strapless underwired bra. 36DD

5. Pants to match. Not underwired

6. Hairpiece. To match own hair but be able

to curl and put up

7. Tiara of flower or blingy hair slide

8. Short jacket or, like fake fur wrap thing

9. Tights (won‟t need if legs are tanned)

10. False eyelashes with sparkle on

Tak, MUSÍM dodělat projekt na výtvarku

do konce týdne, takţe pro teď je plán

následující: Nejdřív si udělám seznam

všech věcí, který potřebuju udělat a sehnat

na maturák a narozeninovou králíčkovskou

oslavu a pak zamakám na projektu.

Maturák:

1. Fialový šaty (dýlka pod kolena, bez

ramínek se síťovanou spodničkou)

2. Kabelka hodící se k šatŧm (malá, musí se

do ní vlízt mobil)

3. Boty hodící se k šatŧm (aspoň 9 cm

podpatky)

4. Podprda bez ramínek. 80E

5. Ladící kalhotky. Bez švŧ.

6. Příčesek. Kudrnatej a stejná barva jako mý

vlasy

7. Korunka z květin nebo třpytivá sponka

8. Krátký sáčko nebo umělá koţešina přes

ramena

9. Silonky (nebude potřeba, pokud pŧjdu do

61

11. jewellery –necklace, earrings, rings

(expensive-looking or borrow Mum‟s)

12. Book a tan session, hairdressers, full

manicure and full pedicure with tips

13. Book limousine or check if I can go in

someone else‟s

14. Get a camera. Only got the one on my

phone and it‟s crap

15. Charge up and borrow Dad‟s video

recorder

16. get boyfriend or date for the night

Own Party. 18th

Bunny Bonanza:

1. Book a big room in hotel

2. Get bunny outfit (ordinary, sexy outfit but

with bunny ears and tail)

3. Fishnet tights

4. Shoes (at least 4 inch heel), black, shiny

5. Big earrings (hoops but not chavvy)

6. Tiara (with BIRTHDAY GIRL written on)

7. Huge cake (with funny but flattering

statue of me on top) OR loads of different-

coloured cupcakes with like glitter on

8. Book DJ (don‟t let Mum do this)

solárka)

10. Umělý řasy se třpytkama

11. šperky – náhrdelník, naušnice, prsteny

(musej vypadat draze – přinejhorším si

pŧjčit matčiny)

12. Zamluvit solárko, kadeřníka, manikúru,

pedikúru plus dýška

13. Zamluvit limuzínu nebo zjistit, jestli bych

se nevešla k někomu jinýmu

14. Sehnat foťák. Ten v mobilu stojí za prd

15. Nabít a pŧjčit si taťkovu kameru

16. Pořídit si přítele nebo doprovod na ples

Narozky. Králíčková párty.

1. Zamluvit velkej hotelovej pokoj

2. Sehnat králíčkovskej obleček (normální

sexy obleček s králičíma ouškama

a ocáskem)

3. Síťovaný silonky

4. Lodičky (aspoň 10 cm podpatek), černý,

lesklý

5. Velký náušnice (velký kruhy ale nesmí

vypadat lacině)

6. Korunka (s nápisem OSLAVENKYNĚ)

7. Obrovskej dort (se srandovní, ale

62

9. Get flashing disco lights

10. Rent karaoke machine

11. Book Hummer limo for me to arrive in

12. Loads of lager, vodka, coke etc.

13. Glasses (with umbrellas, cherries etc.)

14. Get badges with „Dora is 18‟ printed on

for everyone

15. Try to book a boy band or something.

(Like maybe an old one like Blue or

something to make it cheaper?)

16. Get someone to make a film (get loads of

friends and family to wish me happy

birthday and say nice stuff about me. I will

look surprised and cry when it‟s shown on

the night – should also film)

17. Organize food – (8 family buckets of

KFC?)

18. Get boyfriend or date for the night

lichotivou fotkou na vrchu)

NEBO spousta rŧzně barevnejch muffinŧ

se třpytkama

8. Zamluvit DJe (nenechávat zařizování na

matce)

9. Sehnat diskokouli, party osvětlení

a stroboskop

10. Pŧjčit si karaoke bednu

11. Zamluvit pořádnou limuzínu, ve který

dojedu na party

12. Mrtě piva, vodky, koly atd.

13. Skleničky (s deštníčkama, třešinkama atd.)

14. Sehnat pro kaţdýho velkou placku

s nápisem „Dora má 18“

15. Pokusit se sehnat a zamluvit klučičí

kapelu. (Moţná nějakou starší jako

Backstreet Boys, aby to vyšlo levnějc.)

16. Sehnat někoho, kdo by natočil film (sehnat

hromadu kámošŧ a rodinu, aby mi popřáli

k narozkám a řekli o mně něco pěknýho,

a aţ se to bude večer promítat, budu brečet

a tvářit se dojatě – to by se mělo taky

nahrát)

17. Objednat jídlo – (8 mega velkejch kyblíkŧ

kuřecích křidýlek z KFC?)

63

18. Pořídit si na akci přítele nebo doprovod

Caught sight of myself today in the

window of the bank at lunchtime. For

a tiny millisecond, I genuinely did not

recognize the reflection. Firstly it was

moving very fast and so I only glimpsed it

momentarily, the way you sometimes see

a bird dart into a bush.

Během pauzy na oběd jsem se zahlídla

v prosklených dveřích jedný banky. Na

zlomek vteřiny jsem skutečně nebyla s to

poznat odraz. Nejdřív se to pohybovalo

velmi rychle, ţe jsem to sotva zachytila, asi

jako kdyţ pták vyletí z koruny stromu.

True, Wilson was revealing himself to be

an unquestionably tiresome hobbledehoy,

but I wasn‟t to know the seat of his grand

sadness. A suffering that has undoubtedly

eaten up his confidence and joie de vivre.

Vskutku, Wilson bezesporu pŧsobil na

okolí dojmem uzavřeného podivína, avšak

pravý dŧvod jeho převelikého smutku mi

měl zŧstat utajen. Bylo to jedno velké

utrpení, jeţ mu sebralo veškeré

sebevědomí a chuť do ţivota.

Think only eating white food is going like

really really well? It so 120% works, and

I can‟t believe all the great stuff you can

eat. In the last day, I‟ve had bread, pasta,

egg mayonnaise, bagels, white chocolate,

vanilla milkshake, white candy floss,

marshmallows, white cheese, milk and

loads of other stuff.

Jako musim říct, ţe jedení jenom bílýho

jídla jde fakt mega dobře. Funguje to na

120% a to se mi ani nesnilo, kolik

skvělýho jídla mŧţu sníst. Zrovna včera

jsem snědla chleba, těstoviny, majonézu,

housky, bílou čokoládu, vanilkový mléčný

koktejl, bílou cukrovou vatu,

marshmallow, balkánskej sýr, mlíko

a spoustu dalšího.

Actually the start of the day was far from Na dnešním ránu nebylo vŧbec nic

64

a surprise. Breakfast, kids, Husband, dog –

same old, same old.

zajímavýho. Snídaně, děcka, Manţel, pes –

pořád to samý.

Off we went, all squishing into George‟s

estate car. I had a momentary pang of

irritation and yes, I admit it, jealousy when

Veronica limbed in the front with George.

Tak jsme vyrazili a natěsnali se do

Georgova kombíka. Pocítila jsem prudký

nával vzteku a ţárlivosti – ano, uznávám –

kdyţ se Veronika nasáčkovala k Georgovi

na přední sedadlo.

I laughed so much at this thought that

I started to snort unattractively. I know

what people say you can laugh „til your

sides hurt and it‟s true, my sides were

actually hurting...

Uţ jen samotná myšlenka mě tak

rozesmála, aţ jsem z toho začala chrochtat,

coţ nepŧsobilo nejlepším dojmem. Někde

jsem slyšela, ţe vás od smíchu mŧţe pěkně

bolet břicho. Něco na tom bude, protoţe

mě břicho bolelo pekelně…

I can: open a bank account without

parents‟ signature – Yeah, and put what in

there? Like, buttons or something?!!

Budu moct: otevřít si bankovní účet bez

podpisu rodičŧ – jo jasně, abych si tam

mohla ukládat třeba knoflíky nebo co?

She will only speak in monosyllabic

grunts and snorts and cannot look me in

the eye. Consequently, all information

between us is conveyed in bulletin form. If

spoken it is understood that it will be

short, precise and instructive data. For

instance, when she wants her allowance,

she stands near me, looking away but

holding her hand out saying: „Pocket

Vţdycky akorát něco zabručí a odsekne,

pokud moţno co nejstručněji, a ani se na

mě nepodívá. Veškerá naše konverzace

tudíţ nabývá podoby krátkých sdělení,

který musej splňovat tři kritéria: stručnost,

výstiţnost a hlavně k věci. Kdyţ se třeba

jednou doţadovala kapesnýho, stoupla si

ke mně, natáhla ruku a aniţ by mi věnovala

jedinej pohled, pronesla: „Kapesný…

65

money necessary… please…

immediately.‟ Or „Shampoo required…‟

or „Dog sick behind kitchen door. Action

needed.‟

If written, it‟s usually on Post-its on the

fridge or by the phone, again, concise and

to the point. One particular Post-it simply

urged me to „Butt out you wonk!‟

Charming. Absolutely no incidental

conversation is happening, no discussion.

Occasionally, if there are other people in

the house, friends and wotnot, she will

engage in a kind of fake functional

relationship to ease the tension and to

appear sociable.

hned… prosím.“ Nebo „Potřebuju novej

šampon…“ nebo „Pes se poblil v kuchyni.

Dělej něco“. Pokud píše vzkazy, opět

velice stručně a k jádru věci, nechává je

normálně na ledničce nebo u telefonu.

Jeden konkrétní lístek mi jednoduše

sděloval „Vysmahni tuponi!“

Jak kouzelné. Jakákoli diskuze nebo

normální popovídání nepřipadá v úvahu,

akorát výjimečně, kdyţ je u nás někdo na

návštěvě, předstírá, jakej máme úţasnej

vztah, aby podpořila uměle vytvořenou

uvolněnou atmosféru a pŧsobila naprosto

nekonfliktně.

On arriving home, I have informed Miss

Dora via Post-it on her bedroom door that

she has an appointment to keep with the

sex-nurse. I will certainly sleep easier

knowing she is fully contracepted.

I popped in on Pamela on the way home.

It was an impromptu visit, no particular

reason.

Kdyţ jsem dojela dom, přilepila jsem Doře

na dveře vzkaz, aby nezapomněla na

schŧzku se sestřičkou, co ji má poučit

o sexu. S myšlenkou, ţe pouţívá

antikoncepci, se mi bude usínat mnohem

líp.

Po cestě domŧ jsem se jen tak na chvilku

zastavila u Pamely.

In the end, she was irritating me so much

I had to drink up, make my excuses and

V závěru uţ mě tak šíleně vytáčela, ţe

jsem musela rychle dopít, na něco se

66

go. Why couldn‟t she just leave me alone?

I was enjoying our rare moment of

intimate time and suddenly, out of

nowhere, she‟s gone and bloody hijacked

it, to address something she has no idea

about whatsoever. Why doesn‟t she just

bloody leave me alone, and BUTT OUT!

vymluvit a vypadnout. Proč mě prostě

nemŧţe nechat na pokoji? Docela jsem si

uţívala naši ojedinělou chvilku duševního

souznění, kdyţ tu najednou ji musela

zkazit tím, ţe strká nos do věcí, do kterých

jí nic není. Proč mě ksakru nenechá bejt

a NEVYSMAHNE!

Mama has been psychobabbling on for

months now about how she feels I need

some therapy to „explore‟ why I feel such

an affinity with Oscar Wilde. Oh, but she

goes on, jibber jabber, yak yak.

Matka uţ na mě několik měsícŧ zkouší

psychologický kecy o tom, jak bych měl

chodit na terapie, aby se zjistilo, proč jsme

s Oscarem Wildem spřízněné duše. Ach

boţe, a zas nanovo, kecy v kleci, bla bla

bla.

Mama, bless her, has not an inkling of my

intenstions nor my lusts and thus she

willingly agreed to organize it post haste.

I couldn‟t be more cunning cad if I tried

and frankly, I don‟t really try. I simply am.

I am all smoke and mirrors.

Bŧh ţehnej matce, jeţ nemá nejmenší

tušení o mých záměrech a těţko

ovladatelných touhách a doslova mě na

setkání procpala. Nemohl bych to vymyslet

lépe, i kdybych se sebevíc snaţil,

a řekněme si upřímně, jsem to ale

chytrolín.

I am reeling. What‟s happened? Has

anything actually happened, or am I just

a silly menopausal twerp? I don‟t know.

All I know is that I feel entirely

unruddered. Shaky. I‟m shaking. I‟m not

Jsem mimo. Co se stalo? Fakt se něco stalo

nebo uţ je ze mě bláznivá kráva

v přechodu? Netušim. Momentálně se

cítím, jako by mi uletěly všechny včely.

Celá se třesu a nemŧţu popadnout dech.

67

even breathing properly… Calm down.

Calm down.

Dejchej, dejchej…

Anyway then she got all the stuff out and

laid it on a table. Omitriplegod! There was

a patch you put on your bum (huge

plaster), the pills (makes you fatter),

condom (old ballon), women‟s condom

(bin bag), cap (midgets speed skater‟s

helmet), natural family planning (calendar

and thermometer – need Maths), injection

(an actual injection, with an actual needle),

implant (microchip), IUS/IUD (tiny metal

anchors that go all the way up inside, ow),

sterilization (cut tubes).

Kaţdopádně pak donesla všechny věci

a rozloţila je na stŧl. Bohajeho! Takţe

moţnosti jsou následující: náplast, co se

lepí na zadek (megavelká), prášky (po

kterých nakynete), kondom (stará známá

šprcka), ţenskej kondom (velikosti pytle

do odpaďáku), pesar (helma pro pidilidi),

přirozený plánování rodičovství (teploměr

a kalendář- potřeba ovládat matiku),

injekce (opravdivá injekce s opravdickou

jehlou), implantát (mikročip), nitroděloţní

antikoncepce (mrňavá kovová kotvička,

která se strčí dovnitř, au), sterilizace

(odseknutí zdroje).

Yeah thanks, I really wanna go back there.

Not.

It‟s gonna be great on Facebook thou, I‟ve

told all my friends to lookout for my status

which I‟m going to update in like fifteen

minutes to: STATUS: OWNER OF 20

NEW CONDOMS.

Jo super, hned bych se tam vrátila. Pche,

ani za zlatý prase.

Ale na Fejsbŧku to bude hustý, páč jsem

řekla všem kámošŧm, ať si očekujou mŧj

status, kterej si tam hodim tak do 15 minut

a kterej bude znít: Dora Battleová je

čerstvou majitelkou 20 nových kondomŧ.

That would be wak. Serves her right for

being the noisiest parker that ever parked

To by byl fakt úlet. Patří jí to, ţe strká ten

svŧj slídilovskej nos, kam nemá. S takovou

68

her nose in nosey parker town centre. mŧţe z fleku bejt vrchní Slídil ze Slídilova.

Today was the Day of Days. Dnes byl den s velkým D.

I took a big gulp of peppermint mouth

spray and sat on the chair outside his

room. It occurred to me that these were to

be my final moments. The last ticking

minutes of my life BEFORE Noel. Pretty

soon I would be referring to now as

„before‟. „Before‟ we were together,

„Before‟ we met, „Before‟ we knew our

futures were bound together.

Pořádně jsem si loknul mentolové ústní

vody a posadil se na ţidli před kanceláří.

V tu chvíli mi došlo, ţe toto jsou mé

poslední okamţiky. Poslední minuty ţivota

PŘED Noelem. V dohledné době se bude

doba „teď“ označovat jako „předtím“.

„Předtím“, neţ jsme byli spolu, „Předtím,

neţ jsme se potkali“, „Předtím“, neţ jsme

věděli o naší společné budoucnosti.

I luuurve Facebook. I love it so much

I would marry it. Darling Facebook,

please marry me so‟s we can always be

together and you can entertain me non

stop and I will never be bored.

Já taaaak ţeru Fejsbŧk. Klidně bych se za

něj provdala. Předrahý Fejsbŧku, prosím,

staň se mým muţem a budeme uţ navţdy

spolu. Náš ţivot bude jedním velkým

nekonečným dobrodruţstvím, kde nuda

nebude mít šanci.

I‟m going to update my profile and put on

some better photos and I might even make

a special offer on the Start Groups thing

and send it global – something like:

„Free cupcakes for first twenty hot guys

who sign up to be my friend! Must be fit

and funny, no losers or uggos need apply.

Plánuju si aktualizovat profil a nahrát tam

nějaký lepší fotky a moţná eště vytvořim

novou skupinu se speciální nabídkou

a rozešlu pozvánky všem lidem na

Fejsbŧku.

Zpráva bude znít asi takhle:

„Dortíky zadarmo pro prvních dvacet sexy

69

Guaranteed responses to all post.‟ klukŧ, který si mě přidaj do přátel.

Vypracovaný tělo a smysl pro humor

podmínkou. Sockya uboţáky neberem.

Odepíšu na všechny zprávy.“

Got to be honest, I‟m a bit jealous if she‟s

got a date because we were going as

eachother‟s date and I was looking

forward to getting ready together and

saying, „Yeh, so what everybody – we

don‟t need a guy to have a great night.

Watch us, suckers, we‟re bezzie friends

and we‟re going to dance „til we die!‟

That‟s what we said we were going to do,

but we can‟t if she‟s got someone.

Musim se přiznat, ţe trochu ţárlim na její

doprovod, páč jsme měly jít spolu a já se

fakt těšila, jak se budeme společně chystat

a pak tam nakráčíme ve stylu „A co jako?

Nepotřebujeme ţádnýho kluka, vystačíme

si samy. Dejte si na nás pozor, křupani, my

sme nejky a budem pařit aţ do rána!“

To bylo v plánu pŧvodně, ale teď uţ je to

pasé, kdyţ si někoho našla.

Oh God, I‟d been an idiot and imagined

the whole ghastly, embarrassing episode.

I felt a pall of humiliation creeping over

me, and tugged up the front of my top so it

wasn‟t so compromisingly low.

Paneboţe, co jsem to za idiota! Vzpomněla

jsem si na celou tu příšerně poniţující

záleţitost a zavalil mě pocit naprostýho

zoufalství. Popotáhla jsem si vršek trika,

aby mi z něj tak okatě nelezly prsa.

I am programmed to be professional at

work, especially in my room, where so

many secrets are told, where so much is

entrusted to me.

V práci, a obzvláště v kanceláři, kde mi

pacienti svěřují svá tajemství, se chovám

jako profesionálka.

Hello, you have reached Mo. If you would

like to speak to psychologist Mo, press 1.

Dobrý den, dovolali jste se k Mo. Pokud si

přejete mluvit s psycholoţkou Mo,

70

If you would like to speak with author Mo,

press 2. If you would like to speak with

mother Mo, press 3. If you would like to

speak with wife Mo, press 4. If you would

like to speak with wanton amoral fast

harlot potentionally adulterous lunatic Mo,

just whisper, because she is very close by.

Thank you.

stiskněte 1. Pokud si přejete mluvit se

spisovatelkou Mo, stiskněte 2. Pokud si

přejete mluvit s matkou Mo, stiskněte

3. Pokud si přejete mluvit s manţelkou

Mo, stiskněte 4. Pokud si přejete mluvit se

zhýralou běhnou bez špetky morálních

zásad a potenciální nevěrnicí Mo, stačí

zašeptat její jméno, protoţe je poblíţ.

Děkuji.

Perhaps the more pertinent question

should be „How on earth can she be

genetically related to me in any way?‟

I must take time to sit Mama and the Pater

down in order to posit the difficult

unavoidable questions regarding Dingy

Dora‟s true parentage. The only possible

solution I can offer with reference to her

bird wittedness is that, if she is my

genuine sibling, then surely in a cruel

twist of DNA mutancy, I somehow

imbided all of the many brain cells she left

behind in her haste to exit Mama‟s womb.

Some two years prior to my entrance.

Typical of her to leave the place untidy.

Whatever the process, the result is

Relevantnější otázka měla spíše znít

„Jakým moţným myslitelným zpŧsobem

mŧţe bejt zrovna ona moje příbuzná?“

Musím si najít čas a někdy si s matkou

a otcem sednout a vyzvědět odpovědi na

nevyhnutelné otázky týkající se skutečných

rodičŧ Dutý Dory. Jediné moţné řešení,

které se mi momentálně nabízí vzhledem

k velikosti jejího ptačího mozku, je, ţe

pokud je moje opravdová ségra, tak potom

jsem určitě musel nějak absorbovat ty

kvanta mozkových buněk, který mi tam

nechala, kdyţ se drala ven z matčiný

dělohy dva roky před mým vstupem. To je

tak typický, ţe po sobě nechává svinčík.

Ať uţ to bylo jakkoli, výsledek je

71

staggering. She is a freakish marvel. My

sister, the empty-headed lady.

ochromující. Sestra je hříčka přírody

a dutohlav k tomu.

We sat and he sighed and smiled.

Ordinarily his smile is breathtaking and

reduces me to jelly, but today I detected in

it the briefest whiff of contrivance.

Posadili jsme se, on si povzdechl a usmál

se. Normálně je jeho úsměv dechberoucí

a podlamují se mi z něj kolena, avšak dnes

jsem z něj vycítil jistou vypočítavost.

Noel shot up of his chair looking not

a little surprised and said, „Peter – Oscar –

whatever your name is, this is entirely

wrong, mate. You have utterly

misunderstood. You are sixteen, for God‟s

sake!‟

To which I replied, loudly, possibly too

loudly, „I AM NOT A CHILD. I AM

A FUNCTIONING ENCHANTING

GENTLEMAN WHO JUST HAPPENS

TO UTTERLY ADORE YOU, YOU

SILLY NAUGHTY FOOL!‟

Noel vystřelil ze ţidle a netvářil se ani

trochu překvapeně, kdyţ vyhrkl, „Petře-

Oskare- jakkoli si říkáš, tohle je úplně

šílený. Vŧbec jsme se nepochopili. Vţdyť

je ti šestnáct proboha! “

Na coţ jsem zvýšeným, moţná aţ moc

zvýšeným, hlasem odvětil: „UŢ NEJSEM

DÍTĚ, ALE PLNĚ VYVINUTÝ

OKOUZLUJÍCÍ MLADÝ MUŢ, KTERÝ

TĚ NADE VŠE ZBOŢŇUJE, TY MŦJ

UBOHÝ HLUPÁČKU!“

She said, „Oscar, you are ranting. Stop it

immediately, this isn‟t clever or funny.

I know you have a schoolboy (ouch) crush

(ouch) on Noel, but this is just ridiculous.

He has no interest in you whatsoever

(ouch).‟

Začala ječet: „Oskare, co je to tady za

tijátr? Okamţitě s tím přestaň, vŧbec to

není chytrý ani vtipný. Chápu, ţe proţíváš

školáckou (au) poblázněnost (au)

k Noelovi, ale tohle je fakt směšný. Vţdyť

on o tebe nemá absolutně ţádnej zájem

(au).“

72

She spoke in her terrifying soft voice.

„You are making a complete arse of

yourself, Oscar, please stop or the

humiliation will drown you. Put it all

behind you this instant, you are barking up

completely the wrong tree with Noel.

There will be no more therapy with him,

do you understand? I know you will be

temporarily heartbroken, but you will

recover from this, for the simple reason

that I suspect your ego will have broken

your very great fall. Now. Much more

importantly, I am cocking furious with

you. Luke Wilson has just been on the

phone wanting to know how come you

seem to know so much about him. You

know how important confidentiality is.

Care to explain yourself? And care to

prepare yourself for an old-fashioned

thrashing, you blethering idiot!

Nakonec promluvila děsivě tlumeným

hlasem. „Děláš ze sebe totálního debila,

Oskare, takţe laskavě přestaň, nebo se

budeš chtít hanbou propadnout. Hoď to

všechno za hlavu a pochop, ţe s Noelem si

šlápnul úplně, ale úplně vedle. S terapiemi

je konec, je ti to jasný? Chápu, ţe budeš

mít dočasně zlomený srdce, ale z toho se

dostaneš z jednoho prostýho dŧvodu. Máš

svoje alter ego, který ti pomŧţe rány

zahojit. Ale co je teď mnohem dŧleţitější,

nemŧţu tě ani vidět. Zrovna jsem mluvila

s Lukem Wilsonem a moc ho zajímalo, jak

je moţný, ţe o něm tolik víš. Nechápeš

snad, jak je zachování mlčenlivosti

dŧleţitý? Mŧţeš mi to nějak vysvětlit?

A připrav se, ţe doma bude pěknej

vejprask, ty uţvaněnej idiote!“

In fact, I recall, with a certain amount of

cringe, an anniversary trip to Paris, when

I thought it might save time to list my

complaints, as a sort of aide-mémoire, on

Pokaţdý mi naskočí husí kŧţe, kdyţ si

vzpomenu na naše výročí a výlet do Paříţe,

kde jsem si myslela, ţe si ušetřím čas

a sepíšu všechny svoje stíţnosti na

kartičku, kde stálo zhruba toto:

73

a small card, which read something like:

1) Sweaty gym towels left on bedroom floor

2) Honking up phlegm whilst in shower

3) Scratching of balls when in company

4) Old, ill-fitting rugby shirts worn as regular

shirts

5) Overuse of term „wassup‟ in silly growly

voice

6) Referring to me as „my first wife‟ as

a regular joke followed by guffaws of

laughter

7) Regularly waking up kids to kiss them

goodnight

8) Guiness-fuelled farting. Endless.

He grabbed it from me and read the list

aloud, adding comments such as, „I agree,

appalling‟ and „unacceptable behaviour‟

and „Divorce this monster immediately‟

after each complaint.

1) Propocený ručníky z posilky nechává

v koupelně na zemi

2) Vychrchlává hleny, kdyţ je ve sprše

3) Ve společnosti se škrábe na koulích

4) Starý vytahaný ragbyový trika pouţívá

jako normální součást šatníku

5) Nadměrně pouţívá výraz „Tak jak to de?“

a mluví směšným rádoby svádivým hlasem

6) Představuje mě jako „svou první

manţelku“, jeden z jeho oblíbených vtipŧ

doprovázený výbuchy smíchu

7) Pravidelně budí děti, aby jim dal pusu na

dobrou noc

8) Vypouští Guinessem nasáklý prdy

A tak dále.

Vytrhnul mi seznam z ruky, začal ho číst

nahlas a neodpustil si komentáře typu

„souhlas, to je nechutný“ a „nepřijatelný“

a „okamţitě se s tím buranem rozveď“ po

kaţdým bodu.

Pamela, who it transpires, has a streak of

the school-marm in her, then suggested

Pamela, jak se ukázalo, má v sobě trochu

učitelky ze staré školy. Poté mi navrhla, ţe

74

that I might, „Butch up a bit, Master

Oscar, come on. This fellow obviously

didn‟t get it, didn‟t want it. You did. He

didn‟t. He‟s an idiot with no taste and it‟s

his loss, but you can‟t force someone to

fancy you. Unless you are Donald Trump.‟

bych se měl „pochlapit, pane Oskare, no

tak. Tomu klukovi to asi nedošlo a asi to

ani nechtěl. Ty ano. On ne. Je to idiot bez

špetky vkusu a jeho chyba, ale ty nemŧţeš

nikoho nutit, aby tě měl rád. Leda, ţe bys

byl milionář Donald Trump.“

Then she slammed the door so hard it

broke the handle, which caused her to utter

a stream of obscenities a Marine would be

proud of. I‟m assuming she has had some

sort of fall-out with Lottie, which is

shame.

Pak práskla vší silou dveřma, aţ upadla

klika, po čemţ následoval příval nadávek,

za který by se nemusel stydět ani starej

námořník. Zřejmě se nějak nepohodla

s Lottie, coţ mě mrzí.

I hate writing this bloody book. It‟s like an

albatross around my neck.

Nesnáším tu debilní kníţku. Je jak koule

u nohy.

I had to intervene. „Dora Battle, beloved

daughter of Mr and Mrs Battle of

Pangbourne, and cherished sister of the

Esteemed Oscar Earnest Battle, please

honour us with your attention…‟

Musím se do toho vloţit. „Doro Battlová,

předrahá dcero pana a paní Battlových

z Pangbournu a velectěná sestro váţeného

Oscara Filipa Battla, prosím pocti nás svou

přítomností…“

I was overtaken with the unexpected urge

to bow and kiss her hand, something I‟d

never done before and am unlikely to ever

do again. „At your service, m‟lady.‟

Pocítil jsem nečekanou potřebu se před ní

uklonit a políbit jí ruku, coţ jsem nikdy

předtím neučinil a věřím, ţe se to jiţ nikdy

opakovat nebude. „K Vašim sluţbám, má

paní.“

The queen o‟ the night turned to me and Královna večera se ke mně otočila

75

said, „Thanks, Pete, I appreciate what

you‟re doing…‟ I patted her hand to

reassure her, and she continued, „but if

you embarrass me in any way, I will razor

your balls off and feed them to Poo,

understand?‟

I understood.

a pronesla: „Díky Petře, opravdu si váţim,

co pro mě děláš…“ Pohladil jsem ji po

ruce, abych ji podpořil, kdyţ v tom

pokračovala: „ale jestli mě jakkoli ztrapníš,

uříznu ti koule a předhodim je Bobině,

jasný?“

Více slov nebylo třeba.

The competition was fairly fierce, but had

its moments of levity, my favourite being

when Cock Copper displayed his towering

heathenism by thinking an „autocrat‟ was

an „aristocrat‟. As Wilson observed, he

actually almost said „aristocat‟.

Odehrával se tu vskutku lítý boj, i kdyţ se

daly najít slabší okamţiky. V jednom

z mých oblíbených se Cock Copper

projevil jako naprostý neznaboh, jelikoţ se

domníval, ţe „autokrat“ je „aristokrat“.

A jak si Wilson stačil povšimnout, ve

skutečnosti prý řekl „autoskrat“.

He was right, there was a noise. It sounded

like a child crying, but it wasn‟t human. It

was really like bloody creepy. „Poo!‟

shouted Peter and he ran up the stairs. I‟m

sure the Emos thought he was having

a sudden attack of explosive diarrhoea.

We all followed into his bedroom and

there she was, looking all shaky and

shocked and happy to see us, lying right

next to his sock drawer.

Měl pravdu. Zaslechli jsme jakýsi zvuk, co

připomínal brečící dítě, ale člověk to

nebyl, tohle bylo mnohem děsivější.

„Bobina!“ zařval Petr a hnal se nahoru.

Emařky si určitě mysleli, ţe trpí akutním

prŧjmem. Běţeli jsme všichni za ním do

pokoje. A tam jsme je našli. Bobina leţela

na zemi hned vedle šuplíku s ponoţkami

a vypadala otřeseně a šokovaně, ale

opravdu šťastně, ţe nás vidí.

I simply can‟t conceive of how I have Nejsem s to pochopit, jak jsem ho mohl

76

foolishly overlooked him in the past. My

Noel goggles were an ill-fitting pair with

utterly the wrong prescription.

kdy přehlíţet. Jak jsem kdy mohl být

natolik zaslepen špatně padnoucími

rŧţovými brýlemi s nápisem Noel?

I made use of her magnifying mirror with

all its alarming revelations. I‟d never fully

realized just how errant my eyebrow hairs

have become. They are positively cheeky.

Some of them are presuming they are

entitled to grow between the two brows.

I think not. I attacked at once with

tweezers. Back, sir! Back! Have at you,

you varlet! With patience and a modicum

of skill they were tamed. I can be quite

appealingly assertive when required.

Pouţil jsem její zvětšovací zrcadlo

a odhalil všechny donebevolající

nedostatky. Nikdy jsem si neuvědomil, jak

nezvedené mám chloupky v obočí. Drze se

mi vysmívají a ještě si myslí, ţe si klidně

mohou vyrŧst nad kořenem nosu. Tak to

tedy ne. Rozhodl jsem se zaútočit pinzetou.

Ústup, pane! Ústup! Do střehu, zlotřilče!

S trochou trpělivosti a umu byly brzy

pokořeny. Kdyţ je potřeba, dokáţi být

nekompromisní.

Darling Dora really was a peach all day,

and everso grateful for the bracelet I gave

her. I should co-co. That trinket cost me

forty-five English pounds.

Celičký den byla Předrahá Dora vskutku

drahoušek, takovou měla radost z náramku,

který jsem jí dal. Ještě aby ne, kdyţ mě ta

tretka přišla na 45 anglických liber.

It was oh so subtle, but I knew that boy

could read me like a well-thumbed saucy

book.

Och, jaké to bylo mazané, i kdyţ jsem si

byl vědom, ţe mě má celého přečteného.

There was an enormous empty cake stand,

covered in the detritus of gooey chocolate

cake. What appeared to be eight or so

bodies were snoring and snuffling away in

Na stole leţel obrovskej prázdnej tác se

zbytky čokoládovýho dortu. V pokoji před

televizí chrápalo a odfrkovalo cosi, co

vypadalo jako propletenec osmi těl.

77

the frowsty fug of the front room. The

funk was revolting – a mixture of teenage

body odour and farts and an ominous

smell of burning.

Vzduch byl příšerně vydejchanej a mísily

se v něm směsi nejrŧznějších lidských

odérŧ, prdŧ a zlověstnej smrad čehosi

spálenýho.

I just like so love my new puppy? I‟ve

decided to call him Elvis coz he‟s like so

huge and black. Like the real Elvis was.

Dad like laughed his head off when I told

him that. I don‟t know why, I think it‟s the

perfect name.

Já tak zboţňuju svoje nový štěňátko.

Rozhodla jsem se ho pojmenovat Elvis,

páč je taky tak obrovský a černý. Jako

opravdickej Elvis. Otec mohl prasknout

smíchy, kdyţ jsem mu to řekla. Nechápu

proč, vţdyť to je perfektní jméno.

Mum had to give the Emos some bus fare

coz they‟re too cool to call their parents.

The Croatian girl got her words a bit

wrong and said to Dad, „Thanking you for

the lovely orgy,‟ which took a bit of

explaining to Mum.

Matka musela dát emařkám prachy na bus,

páč je přece pod jejich úroveň zavolat

rodičŧm. Jedný z nich, Chorvatce, se

trochu popletly slova a řekla taťkovi,

„Děkovat Vám za krásné orgie,“ coţ pak

musel matce dlouze vysvětlovat.

Take, for instance, the following baffling

arrangement of words I once espied when

I hacked into her site (of course I know

her password, only an imbecile wouldn‟t

guess it – „SEXYDORA‟. A contradiction

in terms I fear).

Vezměme si například následující, při

nejmenším zaráţející, slovní uspořádání,

kterého jsem byl svědkem, kdyţ jsem se

naboural na její účet (samozřejmě znám

heslo, na to by přišla i cvičená opice –

„SEXYDORA“). Poněkud rozporuplné,

řekl bych.

In that second I couldn‟t forgive him his

intent and I felt myself splitting.

V tu chvíli jsem mu nemohla odpustit, co

udělal, a cítila jsem, jak ve mně všechno

78

I separated from me the dad, the husband.

That bloke stood back and I let my deepest

red-rage break free. It tore out of me with

brute force and thundered me towards him

like a missile. Ignorant of any fear,

I pummelled him with blow after blow.

I wanted to tear him to shreds. I slammed

into him with my full body weight and

knocked him to the floor.

vře. Málem jsem kvŧli němu odešla od

manţela. Ten bastard hodil zpátečku a to

byla poslední kapka. Projel mnou nával

nepříčetnosti a pustila jsem se do něj.

Bušila jsem do něj pěstma a chtěla ho

rozcupovat na kousky. Opřela jsem se do

něho celou vahou a srazila ho na zem.

I love pretending to be a dog, and they

love it too. It makes Poo laugh. I can

always tell when she‟s laughing. Why do

people say dogs don‟t laugh when they

like, so def do? Well, she does. She got

a bit confused when I was drinking water

from their bowl. Both of them tipped their

heads to the side trying to understand it.

Even I didn‟t really understand why I did

it except I got carried away and it seemed

like a cool idea. It totally grossed me out.

And I had to go and brush my teeth.

Miluju hraní si na pejsky a jim se to taky

líbí. Bobinu to vţdycky rozesměje a já

poznám, kdyţ se usmívá. Nechápu, proč

lidi tvrdí, ţe se psi nesmějou, páč oni se

teda rozhodně smějou. Bobina určitě.

Trochu znervózněla, kdyţ jsem jí

z mističky pila vodu. Obě uklonily

hlavičky na stranu a snaţily se pochopit, co

dělám. A vlastně ani já netušim, proč jsem

to udělala. Asi to zezačátku vypadalo jako

dost dobrej nápad a nechala jsem se unýst,

takţe mi pak ze sebe bylo akorát blbě

a musela jsem si jít vyčistit zuby.

„The computer isn‟t broken, you hell-born

changeling. The Pater said it was because

he doesn‟t want you on there, on

„Počítač není rozbitej, ty ďábelskej omyle.

Otec ti nakecal, ţe je, páč nechtěl, abys

lezla na Fejsbŧk. Proto ti taky zabavil

79

Facebook. That‟s why he has also

confiscated your phone. He doesn‟t want

you to contact your friend X-man. He is

concerned that you are meeting someone

you don‟t know. So he went on Facebook

himself, pretending to be you, and

changed the meeting time, to two hours

earlier. He will have met your chum X-

man by now.‟

„Whaaaaat?!!‟

„Yes. Deal with it, sister. After all, he‟s

only making sure the chap isn‟t

a scoundrel.‟

mobil a nechtěl, abyses vybavovala s tím

kamarádíčkem X-manem, páč se bál, ţe se

máš sejít s někým, koho vŧbec neznáš.

Takţe šel na Fejsbŧk a předstíral, ţe je ty,

a domluvil se s X-manem na srazu o dvě

hoďky dřív a teď uţ je pravděpodobně

s tvým supr trup kámošem.“

„Coţeeeeeeeeeee?“

„Jojo, smiř se s tím sestro. A vŧbec, vţdyť

se chce jenom ujistit, ţe to není ţádnej

úchylák.“

We all stayed up like really late and

instead of getting pizza, Mum made

toasted sandwiches, which was tons better.

I had mine with bananas and Nutella. That

is so my favourite meal which I would like

so choose if I was being hanged the next

day or something?

Všichni jsme zŧstali vzhŧru do pozdních

hodin a místo pizzy nám mamka udělala

domácí zapečený toasty, který jsou

mnohonásobně lepší. Já jsem je měla

s banány a nutellou, coţ je moje nejvíc

nejoblíbenější jídlo, který bych si stopro

vybrala, kdybych měla jít druhej den na

popravu.

On the way home, she asked me to stop by

Dad‟s grave with her, and we stood

quietly arm-in-arm for a while,

remembering him.

Na cestě dom mě poprosila, jestli bych s ní

nezašla k tatínkovu hrobu. Poklidně jsme

tam stály zvěšené do sebe a vzpomínaly na

něj.

80

„Bet he can‟t believe you‟re fifty, Mo.‟

„Not sure I can.‟

„He wanted a little girl so much. Dead

chuffed when you turned up. Chest

expanded by a foot, I‟d say.‟

„Nice. Good men really love their

daughters, I find.‟

„Yes. We both love you very much. All

six foot and fifty years of you.‟

„Vsadím se, ţe by jen těţko věřil, ţe uţ ti

bude padesát. “

„Tak to sme dva.“

„Tolik si přál holčičku. A jak byl šťastnej,

kdyţ ses narodila. Hrudník mu samou

hrdostí málem prasknul, jak byl pyšnej.“

„To je hezký. Asi na tom něco bude, ţe

chlapi na svoje dcery nedají dopustit.“

„Jojo. Oba tě máme strašně rádi.“

Something in the tin bowl was boiling and

dripping out of the tube into her cup.

I stopped in my tracks to digest what I was

seeing.

„It‟s a desert still. Turns the steam into

fresh water. Never ever drink sea water or

urine, Mo, unless destilled like this.‟

„And that is?‟ Why did I ask? I knew.

„Urine. My own. Will be good drinking

water within the hour, Care to join me?‟

„Um. I would, but I‟ve got a bottle of

arsenic in my bag which I think I would

prefer. No offence.‟

V malé misce cosi vřelo a překapávalo se

přes trubičku do hrnku. Zastavila jsem se

na pŧli cesty a snaţila se přijít, o co jde.

„To je destilační zařízení, co se pouţívá na

poušti a co čistí špinavou vodu, aby se dala

pít. Pamatuj si Mo, nikdy nepij moč nebo

mořskou vodu, pokud ji nepředestiluješ.“

„A tohle je?“ Proč se vŧbec ptám, kdyţ to

vím? „Moje vlastní moč. Bude z ní pitná

voda zhruba za hodinu. Dáš si?“

„No, ráda bych, ale zrovna jsem si koupila

ke svačině láhev jedu, takţe budu muset

odmítnout. Bez uráţky.“

On Sunday morning, I was up very early,

about 5am, before anyone else was up.

I got dressed. I had a cup of tea and

V neděli ráno jsem vstala dost brzo. Bylo

po 5. hodině a nikdo ještě nebyl vzhŧru.

Oblíkla jsem se, dala jsem si čaj a zamířila

81

headed out to the car. I turned on the

ignition, put the car in gear, and headed

out into the road. No one was about. It had

been raining in the night, so it was very

fresh and the sun was just starting to light

up the world. I pulled over at the end of

our road. I took the blindfold out of my

pocket. It was one of those masks you are

given on the plane so you can sleep. If I

needed thrill and challenge, then I should

have it now, in my fifties.

ven k autu. Nastartovala jsem, zařadila

rychlost a vyjela na ulici. Nikde nikdo.

V noci pršelo, takţe vzduch byl čerstvý.

Slunce zrovna vycházelo nad obzor.

Zastavila jsem na konci ulice a vytáhla

z kapsy pásku přes oči, která se běţně

dostává v letadle, kdyţ chcete spát. Pokud

jsem někdy touţila po něčem bláznivým

a vzrušujícím, není lepší doba neţ právě

teď.

82

4. THEORETICAL PART

Theoretical part will deal with the modern approach to the process of translation

and the analysis of the selected parts from the practical part. Firstly, I will outline the

concept of the theory of equivalence, which will be supported by two linguists whose

points of view helped me to understand the principle of this theory. I deliberately

avoided mentioning more authors and their points of view as it was not an intention of

the thesis. As a contrast, I will also mention one linguist that stands against the theory of

equivalence, as I want to demonstrate the reasons for chosing the first method.

Secondly, I will examine in greater detail more theoretical background that I had

to take into consideration before I started to work on my practical part. I particularly

focus on the role of a translator, reader and the style and their importance within the

whole process.

Finally, and perhaps more importantly, I will analyze my translastion in terms of

lexical, grammatical and textual equivalence based on the outline of Dagmar Knittlová.

A large number of secondary sources will support a detailed study of the analysis as well

as theoretical problems that occured within my work.

4.1 THE THEORY OF EQUIVALENCE

The theory of various attitudes to the translation has been discussed since 1960s

and it is the question of the theory of equivalence that is considered to be one of the

most proclaimed methods in these days. It deals with the question: What is the best

option for translation from the source language to the target one? In this case, it stresses

83

the possibility to transfer all the information from the text of the source language to the

text of a target one, even if both grammatical language systems differ (Knittlová 5).

Concerning the individual linguists supporting this theory and ideas that I have

identified with, there is John Cunnison Catford. He came up with the idea that the

expressions in SL and TL do not have to have linguistically the same meaning, but they

can operate in the same situation (Knitlová 10). In fact, translations can be performed

between any pair of related or unrelated languages and with any kind of spatial,

temporal social or other relationship between them (Catford 20). However, according to

the opinion of Milan Hrdlička, the concept of equivalence can be problematic.

Překlad a originál jsou dvě odlišné a svéprávné kulturní hodnoty.

Překladateli musí jít nejen o originál, ale také o kulturní poslání překladu v

novém prostředí. Badatelé se v zásadě shodují v názoru, ţe by měl mezi

výchozím a cílovým textem nastat vztah překladové ekvivalence … resp.

adekvátnosti, tj. ţe by měl být cílový text optimální variantou předlohy. (10)

In my work, I was also greatly influenced by the work of Jiří Levý who is

considered to be one of the most significant Czech linguists dealing with the theory of

translation. Not only is he concerned with many theoretical problems occurring within

the process of translation but also he finds and explains the reasons of the problems

using a great deal of examples from Czech and foreign pieces of literature. His

statements and theoretical background proceed from his many years of research and

experience. Translation is viewed as the process of giving out the information. More

specifically, a translator decodes the message contained in the original text and

84

rephrases it into his own language. The message in the translated text is then decoded

by a target reader.

Moreover, he attempts to find a way to translation that would be more adequate

and artistically valuable. Therefore, he is claimed to be a defender of a theory of

equivalence, which is supported by the statement in his book Umění překladu where the

Polish theoretician Zenon Klemensiewicz emphasizes that:

Úkolem překladatelovým není reprodukovat, a tím méně přetvářet elementy

a struktury originálu, nýbrţ vystihnout jejich funkci, a uţít místo nich

elementy a struktury vlastního jazyka, které by v míře co největší mohly být

jejich substituty a ekvivalenty stejně vhodnými a účinnými. (8)

Jiří Levý also stands up against the mechanical translation as he claims that

„strojový překlad nemŧţe a nechce být interpretací, a proto při strojovém překladu se

mŧţe část informace ztratit, ale ne získat‟ (9). He also arguments that „jazyk předlohy

a jazyk překladu nejsou přímočaře souměřitelné. Jazykové prostředky dvou jazykŧ

nejsou “ekvivalentní”, a proto nelze převádět mechanicky‟ (23). Furthermore, he states

that the more the translator‟s searching for Czech equivalents is independent and

creative, the more the reproduction of the original is accurate (30). He perceives

a functional point of view as a basic concept in the theory and practical use of

translation that examines which individual language elements have communicative

functions, and which communicative means in a particular language can fulfil the same

function. In addition, he pays attention to a translator himself as he stands in the centre

of the whole translation process. Therefore, it is possible to consider translation to be

the demonstration or the expression of author‟s individuality (Levý 8-10).

85

The translator must bear in mind that s/he translates the author‟s interpretation of

reality and that is what s/he has to depict in his translation, otherwise, it would lead to

correction or even improvement of the original. Moreover, the text of the original

should not be perceived as a base for further work, but there are ideas and esthetical

values that need to be taken into consideration. However, the process of translation does

not end with creation of the text since the translator has to be aware of the readers for

whom the original is translated (Levý 14-16). In conclusion, the aim of the translator‟s

work is to keep, capture and retell the original work and not to create the new work with

no precursor. S/he has to be above all a stylistically gifted writer (Levý 30-67).

As opposed to the linguists supporting the theory of equivalence, there is Peter

Newmark who claimed that there is no such a thing as a perfect translation and he

introduces the method of semantic and communicative translation, which is considered

to be his main contribution to the translation theory. This new method suggested that

linguistic barriers were insuperable and that language was entirely the product of culture

and that translation was impossible. It follows that it must be as literal as possible

(“Textbook on translation” 46).

In reality, though, both methods can be found in every translation to a certain

extent as it depends on which text is concerned and what needs to be emphasized

(Knittlová 10).

In summary, in both communicative and semantic translation, Peter Newmarks

claims that „the literal word-for-word translation is not only the best, it is the only valid

method of translation‟ (“About translation” 10), although he admits that pragmatic

messages can always be transferred from one language to another (“Paragraphs on

translation” 217).

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4.2 THE PROBLEM OF TRANSLATABILITY

The concept of translatability is considered to be one of the basic questions in

translation studies. Jiří Levý states that:

Práce tlumočníkŧ, odborných a literárních překladatelŧ má společné

především ty problémy, které vyplývají z rozdílnosti dvou jazykŧ,

výchozího a cílového [...] při dešifrování výchozího textu a přenosu sdělení

do jiného jazyka. (6)

Lawrence Venuti regards translation with suspicion as it „domesticates foreign

texts, inscribing them with linguistic and cultural values that are intelligible to specific

domestic constituencies‟ and while the original bears a representation of foreign culture,

it can be lost or damaged in the process of transfer to the target language (“The Scandals

of Translation” 67). Further, Popovič uses terms translational pessimism for the

impossibility of translation and optimism for the trust in the possibility of

communication via translation (13). The former is supported by W. Winter who doubts

the attainment of adequate translation pointing out that „čím dŧkladněji se odchyluje

jeden jazyk od druhého, tím méně se při převodu dá z předlohy zachránit‟ (520).

Even if Milan Hrdlička acknowledges that there are some shifts in the process of

translation, he also admits that the differences can be successfully surmounted and so he

is a defender of translational optimism (“Překladatelské Miniatury” 12-13).

Once the text is translated into the target language, translation should be

invisible i.e. that the reader perceives the text not as translation but the original without

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any stylistic, grammatical or lexical imperfections but keeping the foreign writer‟s

personality or intention or the essential meaning of the foreign text. This illusion of

transparency is thus an effect of fluent translation strategy to insure easy readability. To

this, Venuti adds that „the more fluent the translation, the more visible the translator,

and, presumably, the more visible the writer or meaning of the text‟ (“The translator‟s

invisibility” 1).

4.3 THE ROLE OF A READER

A reader presents one of the main concerns of a translator. In fact, Hrdlička

states that „orientace uměleckého překladu na čtenáře ovlivňuje překladatelskou

konkretizaci předlohy, promítá se do překladatelova přístupu k originálu i k procesu

překladu uměleckého slovesnéo komunikátu‟ (5). Thus, a translator has to be aware of

what, where, when and particularly for whom s/he translates. In addition, Komissarov

claims that the effect on the reader cannot be achieved only with the original because

we have to take into account the diversification of the audience in terms of the age,

gender, intellect, education, experience, etc. The extent of the orientation on the reader

has its limits as the translator should take into consideration two significant factors: the

original work and the reader to whom the work is addressed.

In conclusion, the translator should achieve to depict an adequate interpretation

of the original work and the intention of the author. At the same time, an orientation of

the target text on the reader is objectively necessary and there are many shifts in the

target text. Therefore, the translator needs to find an optimal balance with regard to the

original and the reader, which is reviewed as a key feature of a translator‟s mastery

(Hrdlička 5-7).

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4.4 THE ROLE OF A TRANSLATOR

A translator is considered to be a mediator between the source and the target text

and the most significant person in the whole process of translation. Daniela Müglová

nicely characterizes his role as a transmitter who brings the mental richness of other

cultures to the target reader as it is the transmission of the most precious possession one

can have (109).

We need to realize that the translator her/himself is a reader in the first place. In

fact, the very first phase of translation begins as a reader understanding the text

(Miššíková 39). A good translator should be a good reader for two reasons. Firstly, s/he

needs to understand the ideological and aesthetic values of the source text and recognize

and identify the specific linguistic features that are unique for the text that will be

transmitted to the reader. Secondly, it is essential to comprehend the portrayed reality,

for instance relationships between the characters, the setting or the atmosphere of the

work for an appropriate interpretation (Levý 15-18).

However, the problems with misinterpretation can arise not only on the level of

words but also on the level of ideas. For instance, the translator can be unable to

imagine the reality described or misunderstand the message (18). Also, the wrong

interpretation of the text can cause the translator to focus on a different target reader

than intended by the author of the source text. On that account, interpretation should

always be an active and motivated approach to the text aimed at the highest possible

objectivity, which needs to be transmitted into another language system (Hrdlička 27-

29).

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We can conclude this chapter with a proposition made by Jiří Levý who stated

that „cílem překladatelovy práce je zachovat, vystihnout, sdělit pŧvodní dílo, nikoliv

vytvořit dílo nové, které by nemělo předchŧdce; cíl překladu je reprodukční‟ (“Umění

překladu” 30).

4.5 THE DEFINITION OF STYLE

The depiction of the style of the original text belongs to the one of the most

important and the most demanding requirements that is placed on artistic translation

(“15x o překladu” 28).

In technical terms, Verdonk defines concept of a style as a „distinctive linguistic

expression‟ while it is essential to consider „what makes an expression distinctive, why

it has been devised and what effect it has‟ (3). On that account, a stylistic analysis does

not focus on every single word or a structure within the text, but rather on those that

stand out, which creates a psychological effect called foregrounding (Verdonk 3-6).

Leech and Short think of style as „the linguistic characteristics of a particular

text…something that belongs to the text as a whole‟ (34). It concerns the usage of the

language in a given context, by a given person and for a given purpose (10). Further,

Josef Vachek uses the definition of style made by Vilém Mathesius as follows:

„Individual, unifying character found to be present in any work resulting from

intentional activity‟. He also uses the term „personal style‟ which is „inimitable and

cannot be learned‟ (114-116).

Gabriela Miššíková perceives the concept of the style as a central issue for

reading, analysis and interpretation of the texts and its influence on the process

of translation. According to her, the translator‟s perception of the style and the

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recognition of specific stylistic means will have a great impact on the creation of the

target text. In addition, she believes translator should pursue the characteristic features

of the text at all levels, such as „sentence patterns, lexical choices, means of visual and

linguistic foregrounding, paragraphing and segmentation of the text, overall inlay of the

page, the use of extra-linguistic means, etc.‟ By following these aspects of the source

text, the translator will be able to comprehend the essential nature of the text and its

specific functions properly (38).

From a stylistic point of view, the translator has to be able to answer the

following questions before the process of translation begins. Who is the narrator? Who

is the audience? Where does the story take place? When does the story take place? From

whose perspective is the story told?

To conclude the theoretical part, I will use the quotation made by Jiří Levý on

the work of the translator:

Objevování a volba začínají tam, kde překladatel má k dispozici více

stylistických moţností a musí mezi nimi volit podle potřeb kontextu: tam

také končí řemeslo a začíná umění. (“Umění překladu” 28)

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5. ANALYSIS

In this part, I will analyse my translation from the practical part according to the

theory of equivalence and the analysis will be based on the premise of J.C. Catford who

claimed that even if the source and target language are linguistically different, they

operate in the same situation.

For the purposes of my thesis, I will make use of the outline of Dagmar

Knittlová for several reasons. Firstly, I really appreciate that her book Překlad

a překládání is straightforwadly focused on the translation from English to Czech,

which I consider a great help to analyse my translation thoroughly. Secondly, all the

difficulties that the Czech translator can encounter are outlined into three main parts.

Furthermore, not only does she deal with theoretical questions of translating but she

also clarifies her points of view on a number of examples supported by her many years

of practice and experience. Finally, she is regarded as a proponent of the theory of

equivalence, which is the main interest of my thesis and the most challenging and

demanding task I have come across within my practical part.

Due to all these reasons mentioned, the analysis of my translation will be

supported by the outline of Dagmar Knittlová who works with the theory of equivalence

on the three levels namely lexical, grammatical and textual. Also, the analysis and

particular problems will be discussed and supported by Mona Baker, Jiří Levý, Milan

Hrdlička and others, in addition to providing examples from the practical part.

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5.1 LEXICAL EQUIVALENCE

When we compare the lexical units in one language with their equivalents in

a second, we encounter many differences in connotation, denotation and pragmatics and

it depends on the translator to distinguish not only literary and non-literary texs, but also

the meaning of individual words and phrases and the style used. Moreover, there is also

a semantic difference emerging from different approaches to the reality, level of the

abstraction or emphasising different aspects.

Therefore, lexical equivalence can be further divided into three categories - the

absolute equivalence, partial equivalence and zero equivalence (Knittlová 39).

5.1.1 Zero equivalence

Zero equivalence means that the target language has no direct equivalent for

a word occurring in the source text (Knittlová 113). Mona Baker, who uses the term

non-equivalence for the same concept, provides a list of possible common difficulties.

According to her, the common types of zero equivalence are:

a) culture-specific concepts

b) the source language concept is not lexicalized in the target one

c) the source-language word is semantically complex

d) the source and target languages make different distinctions in meaning

e) the target language lacks a specific term

f) differences in physical or interpersonal perspective

g) differences in expressive meaning

h) differences in form

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i) the use of loan words in the source text or false friends

To deal with this difficulty, she proposes to assess a word‟s significance in

a given context as not every example of zero-equivalence is significant and it is not

convenient to reproduce every aspect of meaning for every word (21-25). In other

words, she suggests that:

We have to try, as much as possible, to convey the meaning of key words

which are focal to the understanding and developmet of a text, but we

cannot and should not distract the reader by looking at every word in

isolation and attemting to present him/her with a full linguistic account of its

meaning. (26)

In Czech translations, non-existing equivalent is usually substituted by

borrowing a foreign word or by Czechisizing a word and by using a more general word.

When borrowing a word, it is usually connected to the geographical names and

technical terms. Also, the lexical terms can be completely omitted (Knittlová 113-114).

French’s original My translation

[…] united in the pursuit of a nightly pint

of Guinness (hence the G-team).

As we sang „Auld Lang Syne‟ and saluted

the midnight moment […]

[…] soudrţná fungující jednotka scházející

se za účelem večerního půllitru Guinesse

(od toho G-tým).

Kdyţ jsme zpívali „Narodil se Kristus

Pán“ a slavili příchod novýho roku […]

When to choose a Panama, a Homburg

or a simple Fez? Which is exactly le

chapeau juste?

Kdy je kupříkladu příhodná doba pro

cylindr, buřinku nebo obyčejný slamák?

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[…] paltry style offerings of Pangbourne

nor indeed of Wokingham and God forbid

I should be forced to descent into the

ultimate cultural abyss: Reading […]

[…] mizérie, kterou nabízí Pangbourne

a Wokingham a Bŧh chraň, abych byl

nucen klesnout aţ na samé dno kulturního

barbarství města Readingu […]

In this case, I decided not to translate local names for drinks and towns to Czech

as I intended to make the readers aware of the fact that they will be reading the story

taking place in England. However, I translated the names of the hats and a song as

I regarded them not so important for the overall impression, and instead of a long

explanation, I opted for finding an appropriate equivalent in Czech. I have found

a support in a statement by Jiří Levý who claims that a translator can allow absolute or

partial keeping of the cultural particularities of the original text according to the target

reader‟s knowledge of other culture (“Úvod do teorie překladu” 32).

5.1.2 Absolute equivalence

The absolute equivalence deals with the lexical items that have the same

meaning and function in the source and the target language. It primarily refers to the

basic lexical items of Czech fund namely people, parts of a human body, objects in our

surroundings, animals, time data and other rather abstract concepts in a direct

relationship towards the humans. They are lexical items with nearly unambiguous

denotative meaning (Knittlová 40).

French’s original My translation

Dry skin on knees, elbows, scalp, feet. Suchá kŧţe na kolenech, loktech, hlavě

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Oily skin on whole face.

Eczema elbows, knees, back of knees.

a chodidlech. Na obličeji zas jedna velká

mastnota. Ekzemický lokty, kolena a zadní

část kolen.

The bloody dog is pregnant Ten blbej pes je v jináči.

At 5.45 pm today she had the actual nerve

to inform me that

V 5.45 odpoledne měla tu drzost mi

oznámit

[…] Pater who requested that I drop by

her office after school […]

[…] kdy mě otec poţádal, ať se zastavím

po škole do kanceláře […]

In this category, we also include the verbs of actions denoting human processes,

adjectives describing objective qualities and space adverbials (Knittlová 41).

French’s original My translation

He grabbed it from me and read the list

aloud […]

Vytrhnul mi seznam z ruky, začal ho číst

nahlas […]

„Hi, Maureen, gorgeous to see you!‟ „Čau, Maureen, moc ráda tě vidím!“

[…] she announced with giant confidence

that she was hitherto only

eatingwhitefood.

[…] hrdě oznámila, ţe bude od dnešního

dne jíst pouze jídlobílé barvy.

On arriving home […] Kdyţ jsem dojela dom […]

[…] and he ran up the stairs. […] a hnal se nahoru.

Usually, absolute equivalents are symmetrical in terms of formality. It means

that the one-word or multi-word lexical items in the source language will be the same in

the target language as well (Knittlová 41).

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French’s original My translation

We all stayed up like really late […] Všichni jsme zůstali vzhůru do pozdních

hodin […]

Sweaty gym towels left on bedroom floor

Propocený ručníkyz posilky nechává

v koupelně na zemi

If you would like to speak with mother

Mo […]

Pokud si přejete mluvit s matkou Mo […]

Since Czech and English are not only typologically but also culturally and

geographically distant languages, there are not many absolute equivalents to be found.

On the contrary, partial equivalents significantly prevail. Thus, these differences

between languages are further divided into: formal, denotative, connotative and

pragmatic (Knittlová 41-42).

5.1.3 Formal differences

5.1.3.1 More lexical items in English – less in Czech

Technically speaking, English is an analytical language using specific

grammatical words, or particles, rather than inflection, to express syntactic relations

within sentences and is overall more explicit. On the other hand, Czech is viewed as

a synthetic language in which syntactic relations are expressed by inflection (the change

in the form of a word that indicates distinctions of tense, person, gender, number, mood,

voice, and case) or by agglutination (word formation by means of morpheme or word

unit). Moreover, a whole sentence may consist of a single word, usually a verb form

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(Britannica). Therefore, Czech usually uses fewer words to express the same idea in

English.

French’s original My translation

Roddy brings to our merry table his

extraordinary knowledge of musical

theatre […]

Roddy nás oblaţuje výjimečnou znalostí

muzikálu […]

For any workplace – unless it‟s a lap-

dancing club.

Vlastně se nehodí nikam - leda tak do

bordelu.

She swanned by and gave me a little

wave.

Přicupitala ke mně a zamávala.

[…] to help you ward off wild animals

[…]

[…] bude muset pomoct odhánět divokou

zvěř […]

I put the light on to discover her standing

there […]

Rozsvítila jsem a viděla, jak tam stojí […]

Today, she was wearing combat trousers,

hiking boots and a short-sleeved beige

shirt.

Dneska měla na sobě maskáče, pohorky

a béţový triko s rukávem […]

However, Czech can be also analytic especially when there is no equivalent to

English verb or Czech does not have one word for some terms.

French’s original My translation

As Karen blathered on incessantly about

basters and thermometers and convection

Karen neustále mlela o stříkačkách na

podlévání, termometru a marinádách

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cookers […] a nádivkách a nějakým spešl nádobí, kde

pečete bez použití oleje.

And she doesn‟t even know how to write

the bloody statement anyway.

Ale co, beztak ví kulový, jak napsat

pojebanou přihlášku na vejšku.

[…] the widespread infection known as

the „hoodie’ has undoubtedly destroyed

acres of taste […]

[…] rozsáhlá epidemie známá coby

„mikina s kapucí“nepochybně zabila vkus

[…]

5.1.3.2 Explicity – Implicity

Multi-word expressions tend to be more explicit i.e. the translators have an

inclination to use more words when the English lexical item needs to be provided with

further explanation. Moreover, the prolonged phrases are in many cases regarded as

more-readable (Knittlová 44-45).

French’s original My translation

[…] deodorant would help to taunch the

underarm flow […]

[…] deodorantu zabráním nadměrnému

pocení v oblasti podpažní […]

She was wearing a turquoise low-cut

Indian smock-top with sequins sewn into

the cleavage […]

Měla na sobě tyrkysovou indiánskou

halenku s hlubokým výstřihem

a našitýma flitrama […]

Czech equivalents of English nominal phrases are usually grammatically more

explicit as they cannot use the same semantically thick structures and some of the

lexical items are joined via preposition (Knittlová 44).

99

French’s original My translation

[…] or am I just a silly menopausal

twerp?

[…] nebo uţ je ze mě bláznivá kráva

v přechodu?

Sweaty gym towels left on bedroom floor

Propocený ručníky z posilky nechává

v koupelně na zemi

[…] how errant my eyebrow hairs have

become.

[…] jak nezvedené mám chloupky

v obočí.

If you would like to speak with wanton

amoral fast harlot potentionally

adulterous lunatic Mo […]

Pokud si přejete mluvit se zhýralou

běhnou bez špetky morálních zásad

a potenciální nevěrnicí Mo […]

However, a final translated text should not be much longer than its original.

Therefore, it is essential to reduce the text by omitting information, which is not

regarded as important. This process is called implicity (Knittlová 45), which Mona

Baker claims does not cause any harm to the text. She explains that „if the meaning

conveyed by a particular item or an expression is not vital enough to the development of

the text to justify distracting the reader with lengthy explanations, translators can and

often do simply omit translating the word or expression in question‟ (40).

French’s original My translation

I felt a pall of humiliation creeping over

me […]

[…] zavalil mě pocit naprostýho

zoufalství […]

Calm down. Calm down. Dejchej, dejchej…

[…] and getting really fat. […] a tloustnutí.

[…] coursing through my veins from last […] že mám v krvi ještě pořád trochu

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night. whiskey ze včerejška.

[…] and hasten off to class. […] a pospícháme do třídy.

[…] significant display of hirsute

manliness has recently sprouted.

[…] začaly nedávno rašit první známky

mužnosti.

My sister, the empty-headed lady. Sestra je hříčka přírody a dutohlav

k tomu.

5.1.4 Differences in denotation

Denotation stands for „the primary meaning of a lexical item, involving its

relationship to the non-linguistic entities which it represents‟ (“K teorii i praxi

překladu” 200). Differences in denotation arise from the different naming of the reality,

different level of abstraction and different approaches translators adopt. Nevertheless,

the denotative information remains unchanged as it fulfils the same or similar function

in the text (Knittlová 47).

5.1.4.1 Specification

The most notable semantic difference between lexical units in English and its

Czech equivalents is that the equivalent contains an extra semantic constituent. This

process is called specification or substitution by hyponym and it is related with

a tendency towards the explicity or even explicability. In technical terms, a hyponym is

a word of more specific meaning that is included within the meaning of a general or

superordinate term applicable to it (Hatim, Munday 37). On the contrary, the term

generalization or substitution by hyperonym, which signifies „a linguistic expression

whose literal meaning is inclusive of, but wider and less specific than, the range of

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literal meaning of another expression (Knittlová 201)‟ is used when some constituent is

suppressed. In any case, a shift towards the explicity is observed particularly with the

verbs, which is connected with the difference between nominal English and verbal

Czech. In fact, the mutual reversibility does not exist between Czech and English verbs.

As with the former we have to take into account the existence of verbal aspect that plays

a significant role in the Czech language (Knittlová 48-49).

For example, semantically poor verbs of motion such as go or come have many

possibilities of translation in Czech.

French’s original My translation

Book limousine or check if I can go in

someone else‟s […]

Zamluvit limuzínu nebo zjistit, jestli bych

senevešla k někomu jinýmu […]

[…] I had to drink up, make my excuses

and go.

[…] ţe jsem musela rychle dopít, na něco

se vymluvit a vypadnout.

Bag to go with dress Kabelka hodící se k šatŧm

I can‟t have come from that wonk. Přece jsem nemohla vylízt z takovýho

mimoně.

[…] it has lately come to my attention that

[…]

[…] nemohl mému zraku uniknout fakt

[…]

In the case of communicative verb say, there are incomparably richer

equivalents in Czech as well. That is why it was not a problem to find more adequate

equivalents with regard to the given situation instead of neutral říct.

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French’s original My translation

What weird word old people say […] Stejně ale pro to starý lidi používaj divný

výrazy […]

Why do people say dogs don‟t laugh […] Nechápu, proč lidi tvrdí, ţe se psi

nesmějou […]

He said, „Wow, you‟re so tall! Povídá: „Páni, vy jste ale vysoká!

Kitty Cook, the head plastic in my year,

said he was a troll-boy.

Kitty Cooková, největší bárbína z ročníku,

ho označila za váguse.

we just kept talking about it and she said

we should like play a sort of game […]

Pak jsme si o tom vykládaly a ona

navrhla zahrát si takovou tu hru na pravdu

[…]

Noel shot up of his chair looking not a

little surprised and said, „Peter – Oscar

[…]

Noel vystřelil ze ţidle a netvářil se ani

trochu překvapeně, kdyţ vyhrkl […]

She said, „Oscar, you are ranting. Stop it

immediately, this isn‟t clever or funny.

Začala ječet: „Oskare, co je to tady za

tijátr?

The queen o‟ the night turned to me and

said, „Thanks, Pete […]

Královna večera se ke mně otočila

a pronesla: „Díky Petře […]

The Pater saidit was because he doesn‟t

want you on there, on Facebook.

Otec ti nakecal, ţe je, páč nechtěl, abys

lezla na Fejsbŧk.

A great deal of examples can be found within the verb be and its Czech

equivalents.

French’s original My translation

103

[…] they knew how nuts she can be? […] páč co by asi lidi dělali, kdyby věděli,

ţe se chová jak magor?

Got to be honest, I‟m a bit jealous […] Musim se přiznat, ţe trochu ţárlim na její

doprovod […]

Perhaps the more pertinent question

should be […]

Relevantnější otázka měla spíše znít […]

What appeared to be eight or so bodies

[…]

[…] cosi, co vypadalo jako propletenec

osmi těl.

Also, I include several examples of specification within the verbs make, tell and

know.

French’s original My translation

Like maybe an old one like Blue or

something to make it cheaper?)

Moţná nějakou starší jako Backstreet

Boys, aby to vyšlo levnějc.

I had to drink up, make my excuses and

go

[…] na něco sevymluvit a vypadnout.

and I might even make a special offer […] moţná eště vytvořim novou skupinu

se speciální nabídkou […]

There isn‟t, but they managed to make

disgusting grunting noises

Samozřejmě ţe není, ale oni po celej večer

zvládli s bravurou sobě vlastní vydávat

nechutný chrochtící zvuky […]

I can always tell when she‟s laughing. Bobinu to vţdycky rozesměje a já

poznám, kdyţ se usmívá.

I could tell Mum was stressing […] Bylo mi jasný, ţe matka zase vyšiluje […]

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I know you have a schoolboy (ouch) crush

(ouch) on Noel […]

Chápu, ţe proţíváš školáckou (au)

poblázněnost (au) k Noelovi […]

Don’t know what her name was before

she married Dad… […]

[…]netušim jak se menovala, neţ si vzala

tátu… […]

How do you know if you‟re good at it? Jak požnáš, ţe jsi v tom dobrá?

From the examples listed above, it can be summarized that Czech equivalents of

English the most frequent verb groups are semantically richer and more specific as the

verbs contain either more information or they express more explicitly the information

that are only implicated in English.

As far as the other word types are concerned, there is significantly less cases of

adding of semantic constituents. Nevertheless, I add several examples of more specified

nouns and adjectives (Knittlová 58-59).

French’s original My translation

Hair on sides of face like Mr. Darcy. Hair

on top lip. Small thin hair under chin.

Hair in nostrils

Kotlety jak Elvis Presley. Knírek nad

horním rtem. Pár chloupků na bradě.

Chlupy v nose.

What weird word old people say […] Stejně ale pro to starý lidi pouţívaj divný

výrazy […]

Teeth uneven and yellow Křivý zažloutlý zuby

Colour – mostly pale grey-ish or bright

red.

Barva většinou našedlá nebo spařeně

rudá.

105

Specification can be also aimed at secondary semantic meaning when there is an

emotive constituent in Czech equivalent added to stylistically neutral English

expression (Knittlová 58). However, this particular aspect will be dealt with in the

chapter focused on the differences in connotation.

5.1.4.2 Generalization

According to Hrdlička, generalization is about „pouţití výrazŧ významově nebo

formálně obecnějších, neutrálních místo výrazŧ speciálnějších, zvláštních a esteticky

zabarvených‟ (“Translatologický slovník” 77). The reduction of semantic constituents is

in the relation of English toward Czech less frequent, yet it affects mostly the nouns.

Levý supports this idea by claiming that generalization is considered to be inevitable

within local expressions (“Umění překladu” 52). However, this process can be applied

with verbs as well.

French’s original My translation

Nightly pint of Guinness Večerního půllitru Guinesse

I think there is still a bit of Southern

Comfort coursing through my veins from

last night.

Ale pozor, myslím, ţe mám v krvi ještě

pořád trochu whiskey ze včerejška.

When to choose a Panama, a Homburg

or a simple Fez?

Kdy je kupříkladu nejpříhodnější doba pro

cylindr, buřinku nebo obyčejný slamák?

prawns from M&S krevetami z Tesca

Last week I attempted to purchase a

simple cravat.

Minulý týden jsem se pokoušel zakoupit si

docela obyčejnou kravatu […]

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Book Hummer limo for me to arrive in Zamluvit pořádnou limuzínu, ve který

dojedu na party

I am regarded as a Jekyll and Hyde […] […] říká, ţe mám rozpolcenou osobnost

jako Jekyll a Hyde.

[…] had I been condemned to walk on the

pavement […]

[…] kdybych byl nucen jít po chodníku

[…]

I ran a bath with Matey bubbles in […] Já jsem mezitím napustila horkou vodu,

přidala do ní pěnu […]

Levý claims that the generalization is the consequence of both the assymetry of

languages, which forces translators to use more general equivalent in the target

language, or different social consciousness of readers of the original and the translation

(“Umění překladu” 52). In Hrdlička‟s opinion it is also „dŧsledek odvozenosti překladu

a zase je někdy objektivně vynucen změnou jazykového materiálu, jindy je zaviněn

netvŧrčím poměrem překladatele k uměleckému ztvárňování díla‟ (77).

When looking for proper equiavalents, I followed a strategy suggested by Mona

Baker who claims that translation by cultural substitution involves „replacing a culture-

specific item or expression with a target-language item which does not have the same

propositional meaning but is likely to have a similar impact on the target reader‟ (31).

I was certainly aware of cultural differences between Czech and English and

I deliberately used more general expressions as I decided for the purpose of my

translation that it would be rather useless for Czech readers to know the specific names

of English shops, pieces of clothes or beverages. Moreover, I am persuaded that the

effect on the reader will not be much different.

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5.1.5 Differences in connotation

Hrdlička regards connotation as

„... nepřímé, obrazné vyjádření sloţek obsahu. Vyjádření obsahem je přitom

moţné zvláštním pouţitím denotativních jednotek jazyka a to v dŧsledku

jejich bohatých významových, ţivotních a kulturně-historických asociací,

jimiţ se mohou konotovat druhotné významy‟ (“Překladatelské miniatury”

23).

To put it differently, it stands for an „additional meaning which a lexical item

acquires beyond its primary, referential meaning‟ (“K teorii i praxi překladu” 199).

Every language has a distinctive and characteristic connotation in meaning and there are

not two languages with completely similar semantic connotation. On that account, an

absolute agreement between source language and target one is viewed impossible.

Furthermore, the difficulty of transferring the ideas is related to emotional aspect of

human consciousness which is not considered similar within one language community

as every person operates with a language in a different way. Basically, expressive and

stylistic connotations can be distinguished and together with the denotation they play

a crucial role in correct understanding of a message of the text. Therefore, a functional

translation is considered to be the most appropriate method of transferring individual

items from source to target language (Knittlová 62). This method is based on the

premise that „… se v překladu při nedostatku formální korespondence jakýchkoli prvkŧ

volí jiný prvek vzhledem na jeho výrazovou korespondenci s příslušným prvkem textu

překladu‟ (Hrdlička 13).

In the process of translation, the translators need to use different syntactical

structures and more common collocations and expressions and benefit maximally from

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the richness of the Czech language. The translation is then more fluent, idiomatic and

readable (Knittlová 63-64). In the next chapter, I will investigate more closely the

individual examples of expressive connotations.

5.1.5.1 Expressive connotations

Expressivity is viewed as an accentuation of an utterance and intensification of

language items towards the perception of a reader. It consists of two significant

constituents: emotionality and intensity. The choice of emotional expressions is

influenced by the relationships of the translator towards the reality. When translating

into structurally different language, it is therefore inevitable to keep the function and

equivalence of connotative constituents. Whereas emotional expressions in English are

more concentrated and emerged from context, in Czech they are divided in more

constituents of the utterance where emotionality combines with the stylistic usage of

language layers that are rather informal. On that account, many inequalities are found

when comparing lexical items of source and target language (Knittlová 62-63).

The most distinctive case of expressive connotation is the usage of diminutives

in the Czech language the choice of which depends on translator‟s interpretation of the

original work.

French’s original My translation

I would like sooo love it. With their tiny

tiny teeth and tiny tiny hot tongues

licking your face.

To by se mi fakt líbílo, kdyby mi těma

svýma mrňavoučkýma horkýma

jazýčkama oblizovali tváře

a malinkatýma mini zoubkama

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okusovali obličej.

kind of easy-come easy-go sort of place. […] jaká je u nás pohodička […]

Glasses (with umbrellas, cherries etc.) Skleničky (s deštníčkama, třešinkama

atd.)

[…] IUS/IUD (tiny metal anchors that go

all the way up inside, ow) […]

[…] nitroděloţní antikoncepce (mrňavá

kovová kotvička, která se strčí dovnitř, au)

[…]

Admittedly thesong is a tiny bit […] Řekněmě si upřímně, písnička je trošičku

[…]

Short jacket or, like fake fur wrap thing Krátký sáčko nebo umělá koţešina přes

ramena

Own Party. 18th

Bunny Bonanza Narozky. Králíčková párty.

Get bunny outfit (ordinary, sexy outfit but

with bunny ears and tail)

Sehnat králíčkovskej obleček (normální

sexy obleček s králičíma ouškama

a ocáskem)

However, diminutive suffix does not have to indicate a positive approach to the

reality and it can be used to express an irony or negative relationship.

French’s original My translation

[…] she may not be best acquainted with a

little friend I like to call „taste‟.

[…] ţe se příliš nesblíţila s mým

kamarádíčkem, kterého si dovoluji

nazývat “vkus”.

[…] and poor dear dull Mama has no […] ale ta hloupučká nebohá ţenština

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inkling of my cunning devices. nemá vŧbec tušení, […]

I know it‟s like totally plastic to want a

mini-dog but […]

Vim, ţe pejsci do kabelky jsou děsně

barbínovský, ale […]

[…] YOU SILLY NAUGHTY FOOL!‟ […] TY MŦJ UBOHÝ HLUPÁČKU!“

In the Czech language, the translator needs to use creativity and make

a maximum use of Czech immensely rich vocabulary especially diminutives and

emotionally tinted expressions. Furthermore, the huge advantage in the word-making

process is undoubtedly using prefixes and suffixes to create derivatives (Levý 24). On

the other hand, English expresses emotionality rather analytically and lexically i.e.

using a combination of neutral lexical items with expressions carrying emotional aspect.

The most frequent expression is a word little (Knittlová 66).

French’s original My translation

I can admit how much his little twig legs

always freaked me out […]

Aspoň si teď mŧţu přiznat, ţe mě děsily

jeho krátký kostnatý nožky […]

A little friend s mým kamarádíčkem

A device to express intensity in terms of something not big is a word tiny that is

prolonged with suffixes in Czech.

French’s original My translation

Admittedly the song is a tiny bit […] Řekněmě si upřímně, písnička je trošičku

[…]

[…] tiny tiny teeth and tiny tiny hot […] mrňavoučkýma horkýma jazýčkama

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tongues […] oblizovali tváře a malinkatýma mini

zoubkama […]

So Poo would give birth to a lot of tiny

poos.

Bobina by pak mohla porodit spoustu

mrňavých bobíkŧ.

Another part that belongs to the category of expressives is the interjections,

symbols of human feelings and words with strong emotional meaning. Interjections are

generally divided into primary and secondary.

Maria Josep Cuenca, the Spanish linguist, comments on the translation of

interjections. She claims that it is not a matter of word translation and „it implies

translating discourse meanings which are language (Cuenca).‟ Moreover, the translator

has to interpret its semantic and pragmatic meaning as well as the context of use and

only then look for a form that can convey that meaning and produce either an identical

or similar effect on the reader.

In the category of primary interjections, they are viewed as simple vocal units,

sometimes very close to nonverbal devices. Actually, the main problem for translation

is the existence of identical or similar forms cross-linguistically whose conditions of use

and frequency may not coincide, which is the case of the English and Czech as there is

no correspondence in the usage interjections and their occurrence in English is higher

(Cuenca, Knittlová 70).

French’s original My translation

„Um. I would, but I‟ve got a bottle of

arsenic in my bag […]

„No, ráda bych, ale zrovna jsem si koupila

ke svačině láhev jedu […]

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[…] erm… bland. Yes, a bit, generic, with

lots of “ooo baby‟s” in it, like they do,

haha, erm, but it certainly shows promise

[…]

[…] ehm… nevýrazná. Ano, to je to slovo,

trochu mdlá. Tedy je v ní mnoho výrazŧ

“ou bejby”, jak to tak bývá, že […]

Well, the cuddling and stuff can take ages

[…]

No, mazlení a tak mŧţe trvat celkem

dlouho […]

Well not an actual letter […] No dobře, ne opravdickej dopis […]

Well now, since The Enchantings are an

exclusive, secret and elite band of

brothers.

Nuže, Klub Elegánŧ je exkluzivní, tajné

a elitní shromáţdění bratrstva.

Concerning the secondary interjections, they are words or phrases which have

undergone a semantic change and, in other words, they are grammaticalized elements.

These interjections are then language-specific and literal translation often leads to

pragmatic errors (Cuenca). In this case, Baker points out that there are two major

problems for translating an idiomatic unit, which is firstly „the ability to recognize and

interpret an idiom correctly and the difficulties involved in rendering the various aspects

of meaning that an idiom or a fixed expression conveys into the target language‟ (65).

In fact, they can keep a part of their original denotation which is strongly

outweighed by connotation. They are rather expressions with interjectional function

while sacral expressions in the function of expressives emphasize the insistence of an

utterance. It logically follows that the basis for these expressions are words God and

Christ (Knittlová 71).

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French’s original My translation

Oh my actual God Ó mŧj Boţe

Oh my actual God. Just like that. Ježísi Kriste! Prostě to řekla.

Oh God… Please say she‟s not pregnant! O Bože, prosím tě, dej, ať není těhotná!

[…] appointment card thing to tell me the

date – omigod – of the first round of X

Factor auditions in London!!

[…] oznámení s datem prvního kola X

Faktoru v Londýně! Ježíšku na křížku!

Tohle je fakt pecka!

Anyway then she got all the stuff out and

laid it on a table. Omitriplegod!

Pak teda donesla všechny věci a rozloţila

je na stŧl. Bohajeho!

You are sixteen, for God’s sake! Vţdyť je ti šestnáct proboha!

Oh my complete and utter God. Pane na nebi!

Both the expressions can interchange and are called curse or expletives. Even

though they are not necessarily vulgarisms it can be agreed that they are expressions

with strong emotional meaning having lost their denotative meaning. Basically, the

speaker uses them to take a negative stand. On the other hand, the vulgarisms belong to

the taboo expressions and it depends on the society and the period when they decide to

be forbidden and allowed (Knittlová 72).

French’s original My translation

My mother is, like, a totally confirmed A-

list bloody cocking minging arsehole

cretin cockhead of the highest order.

Moje matka je nejvíc prvotřídní podělaná

pojebaná pindovská pinda nejvyššího

kalibru.

I can‟t have come from that wonk. Přece jsem nemohla vylízt z takovýho

mimoně.

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No one likes to be referred to as an „evil

slag‟, or „hell whore’, let‟s be honest.

Jasně, nikomu se nelíbí označení

“odporná coura” nebo “hnusná děvka”,

co si budeme povídat.

Sam Tyler is a cockheaded gitshit,

a twatwanker, a coward and a gay.

Sam Tyler je pičus pičusovatej,

čuromrd, srab a teplouš.

You are making a complete arse of

yourself, Oscar […]

Děláš ze sebe úplnýho debila, Oskare […]

The floozy cretin came into the drawing

room […]

Ta blbka vešla do obýváku […]

My brother is a mega moron. Bratr je mega kretén.

In the process of translation, I strictly distinguished between curses and

vulgarisms. With curses, I did not have the slightest problem to find an equivalent as

they are very similar to Czech and their usage is more frequent and people use them

nearly unconsciously. The real challenge came with the repetitive occurrence of

vulgarisms. I have to admit that I chose them deliberately to be a part of my translation

as they make an inseparable part of the utterance of the main characters that is in the age

of revolt. It was really amusing to try to think as a rebellious teenager and play with the

language at the same time. As a result, I have to use my creativity because I did not

want to take the easiest equivalent especially with the longer lexical units, which

I enjoyed tremendously. In some cases, I opted for a bit milder expressions as showing

the worst possible vulgarisms is not the purpose of my translation.

115

5.1.5.1.1 Intensification

In general, the use of intensificators in an utterance represents intensity or

a degree of a feeling, attitude or evaluation without any further specification. In other

words, they can be connected with the feelings of pleasure or displeasure. Owing to the

persistent attempts of a language to be innovative, the intensifiers have undergone the

development and changes such as loss or a weakening of a meaning and expressivity

that can be caused by high frequency within a spoken language. Therefore, it is

inevitable to focus on the context itself as the intensifiers like terrific, pretty, and big or

damn can have a positive or negative impact on the utterance as in a following example:

it’s a terrific bore = příšerná nuda and he wrote this terrific book = napsal tu senzační

knihu. One of the most frequent adverbial very is seen as neutral but in the informal and

colloquial texts the equivalents are also colloquial or expressive (Knitlová 72-74).

French’s original My translation

Who could have predicted that anything so

very wondrous could possibly occur on

Thursday?

Kdo mohl tušit, ţe něco tak impozantního

se mohlo přihodit právě v úterý?

Firstly it was moving very fast […] Nejdřív se to pohybovalo velmi rychle

[…]

How very very very disappointed I am in

both of them.

Jak jsem jejich počínáním velice převelice

zklamán.

Yes, she‟s very tall. Jojo, je hodně vysoká.

Another category of intensificators occurring frequently in my translation is

emphasizer just translated in two different ways:

116

1) in the meaning of immediate past moment i.e. a moment ago

French’s original My translation

Luke Wilson has just been on the phone

[…]

Zrovna jsem mluvila s Lukem Wilsonem

[…]

[…] waxen chap with unfeasibly long

fingers, who had just emerged from the

Gents […]

[…] společensky unaveným chlápkem

s nemoţně dlouhýma prstama, kterej se

zrovna vypotácel ze záchodkŧ […]

2) in a restrictive or emphatic meaning

French’s original My translation

Just like that. What weird word old people

say […]

Jenom tak. Stejně ale pro to starý lidi

pouţívaj divný výrazy […]

Why couldn‟t she just leave me alone? Proč mě prostě nemŧţe nechat na pokoji?

[…] just whisper, because she is very

close by.

[…] stačí zašeptat její jméno, protoţe je

poblíţ.

I just like so love my new puppy? Já tak zboţňuju svoje nový štěňátko.

In the opposite direction, we deal with weakening of intensity which is achieved

via so called downtoners that can be supported with rather colloquial expressions sort

of and kind of (Knittlová 79).

French’s original My translation

[…] she said we should like play a sort of

game […]

[…] ona navrhla zahrát si takovou tu hru

[…]

117

[…] she has had some sort of fall-out with

Lottie, which is shame.

Zřejmě se nějak nepohodla s Lottie, coţ

mě mrzí.

Well not an actual letter, but a kind of

appointment card thing […]

No dobře, ne opravdickej dopis, ale

takový to oznámení […]

The aspect of weakening usually indicates the reluctance of a speaker to take

a definite stand, which is expressed in Czech by the adverbial of measure or by

omission. It follows that there is almost no correspondence between English and Czech

intensificators and translators endeavour to express well the corresponding stylistic

level. In conclusion, intensificators as well as interjections operate mostly as signals

making the whole utterance more expressive. Except intensity, the expressivity in Czech

translations is increased by a process in which a neutral English lexical item

corresponds with more expressive Czech equivalents. In the process of translation it

must be taken into account that each language has its own means of expressions the

function and meaning of which play the most significant role and the translation then

does not have to correspond word by word. The translator chooses the appropriate

equivalents on the basis of his or her experience, taste and a language sense as well as

knowledge of collocations and other theoretical and practical aspects within translating

field demands (Knittlová 80-86).

French’s original My translation

Because I look at her disgusting face 20/7

and excuse me […]

O tom bych musela něco vědět páč čumim

na její odpornej ksicht od rána do večera

celej tejden […]

At 5.45 pm today V 5.45 odpolko

118

He scuttled off to a safe port in the study

to spend time with his ever-ready, ever-

understanding lover, MAC

[…] odkráčel si na bezpečný místo

v pracovně, aby se pomazlil se svým

NOŤASEM, vţdy připravenou láskou

plnou pochopení.

And she doesn’t even know how to write

the bloody statement anyway.

Ale co, beztak ví kulový, jak napsat

pojebanou přihlášku na vejšku.

Yea, though I walk into the valley of hot

guys […]

Jo, nakráčím si to přímo do údolŧ sexy

borečků […]

Our typical rendezvous consists of

a password […]

Před našimi běţnými dostaveníčky si

určíme heslo […]

[…] when Dora came in to start what has

now become a regular occurrence, the

nightly battle.

A kdyţ uţ jsem skoro zabírala, nakráčela

do loţnice Dora a naše pravidelná noční

hádka mohla začít.

[…] with a rant about the need for even

more highlights […]

[…] začala hysterickým řevem a tím, jak

strašně potřebuje ještě víc melírŧ […]

5.1.5.2 Differences in pragmatics

The choice of an appropriate equivalent also depends on the experience of the

translator who tries to make the target text available and comprehensible to the reader

based on his language and non-language experience. To put it differently, in the source

text s/he comes across a lot of language- and culture-specific factors that the target

reader does not have to be familiar with. Therefore, it is her/his role to transfer these

facts and experience of source language into target one, which is not always possible.

119

Also, Baker states that „in order to maintain coherence translators often have to

minimize discrepancies between the model of the world presented in source text and

that with which the target reader is likely to be familiar‟ (253). Therefore, the

intervention of the translator is to some extent inevitable and depends on two main

factors. Firstly, there is translator‟s ability to assess the knowledge and the expectations

of the target reader. It implies that the more the target reader is supposed to know, the

less likely the translator will have to intervene and thus the higher chance to remain

invisible. Secondly, it depends on the translator‟s view of his role and loyalties meaning

whether they lie with the source or the target text.

Thus the pragmatic differences the translator has to deal with are based on three

major processes – adding information, omitting information and analogy. According to

Ljudskanov, this is the principle of functional equivalents that are considered to be the

base of the translation and which allows the freedom in the choice of means. However,

this omitting or adding information leads to the fact that the translation is then more

exact (148).

Adding information or adding of extra explanatory information is highly

appropriate when the message of the source text could be incomprehensible for the

reader.

French’s original My translation

He‟s Australian or something – looks and

sounds like that old Crocodile

Dundeebloke.

Je prej někde z Austrálie nebo co a taky

vypadá a mluví jak ten chlápek Krokodýl

Dundee, jak hrál ve filmech.

[…] he so believes makes him look like […] přesvědčenej, ţe vypadá jak Zac

120

Zac Efron […] Efron z Muzikálu ze střední.

I‟m going to do it and that is, to go up for

X Factor.

[…] myslim, ţe to fakt udělám, přihlásit se

do soutěže X Faktor.

Unless you are Donald Trump. Leda, ţe bys byl milionář Donald

Trump.

Only if you are Sting […] To bys musela být zpěvák Sting […]

I am reminded of the trusty old David

Walsh mantra […]

Vzpomínám si na heslo starýho dobrýho

psychologaDavida Walsche […]

On the other hand, omitting information, which is based on the different

cultural facts, is a replacement of specific information with more general concept and it

is used in cases that are considered to be redundant for the reader (Knittlová 92-93).

French’s original My translation

[…] a bit of Southern Comfort coursing

through my veins from last night.

[…] mám v krvi ještě pořád trochu

whiskey ze včerejška.

[…] you don‟t get that personal

statement finished […]

[…] co nemakáš na tý přihlášce na

vejšku […]

Free cupcakes for first twenty hot guys

[…]

Dortíky zadarmo pro prvních dvacet sexy

klukŧ […]

[…] someBryl-creem through my untruly

shock.

[…] ale k mému zděšení jsem vymáčkl

jakýsi gel.

[…] as if they were at Spearmint Rhino […] jak kdyby byly v nějakým tuctovým

bordelu […]

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Analogy is basically a substitution of an original reality for one that is known

and recognisable by the reader of the target text. Brown and Yule claims that „the

principles of analogy and local interpretation form the basis of the assumption of

coherence in our experience of life in general, hence in our experience if discourse as

well‟ (67). However, Baker adds that the readers of the target texts are prepared to

accept a lot of change and a view of the world different from their own and thus the

translators should be cautious about explaining too much information (254).

In this category, the substitution of social clichés, phatic expressions, greetings

or titles is replaced by analogy based on our habits. However, the most frequent case of

a substitution by analogy is in the area of units of measurements that are converted to

Czech for one thing not to disturb the character of the target text and for another to be

informative enough for the Czech reader (Knittlová 93). Jiří Levý is also a supporter of

this process. He states that unusual metric system such as the English one is often

replaced with our metric system. Furthermore, even if the units of measurements such

as feet, miles, pints or inches have a touch of foreign culture, the content of individual

lexical units is not clear to Czech readers for they are not able to imagine the length or

capacity of the units. As a result, the conversion of the units is possible as it is a general

metric system (Levý 44).

French’s original My translation

shoes to go with dress (at least 3 ½ inch

heel)

Boty hodící se k šatŧm (aspoň 9 cm

podpatky)

Strapless underwired bra. 36DD Podprda bez ramínek. 80E

Shoes (at least 4 inch heel) Lodičky (aspoň 10 cm podpatek)

At 5.45pm today V 5.45 odpolko

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pint of Guinness půllitru Guinesse

However, the conversion of a foreign currency into the currency of a culture into

which the original is translated is not required for two main reasons. Firstly, the

currency is considered to be a characteristic feature of each country and, secondly, if we

convert everything into Czech crowns, they would localize translation into Czech land.

Consequently, the currency in my practical part remained the same as in the original

text (Levý 45).

French’s original My translation

I‟m going to spend an exorbitant £80 on a

miracle cream […]

Mezitím se chystám vypláznout

neuvěřitelnejch 80 liber za zázračnej krém

[…]

That trinket cost me forty-five English

pounds.

Ještě aby ne, kdyţ mě ta tretka přišla na 45

anglických liber.

5.1.5.2.1 Personal names

The translation of names of the main characters should not be assumed to be

easy task to do as as it can turn out to be very troublesome in practice and needs very

sensitive decision-making on the part of the translator within the translation process

(Pour sec. 2).

I deliberately keep them as they were in the original text, which proved to be the

best solution. My intention when I was trying to find proper equivalents was not to

create a completely „czechisized‟ version where the reader would not recognize that the

story takes place in England and reflects a different culture. On the contrary, I had in

123

mind the words of Mona Baker about reader‟s preparedness to accept a different world

and reality and that is why I did not automatically transfer everything into our own

culture. To be honest, the idea of letting all the English constituents disappear i.e. get rid

of everything that makes the text foreign is something completely against my will and I

would not divest the Czech reader of experiencing the different culture and way of life.

Jiří Levý is also opposed against mechanical translation

Při překládámí pak nejde o mechanické uchování formy, nýbrţ o její

významové a estetické hodnoty pro čtenáře …V překladu má smysl

zachovávat jen ty prvky specifična, které čtenář překladu mŧţe cítit jako

charakteristické pro cizí prostředí. Všechny ostatní, které čtenář nechápe

jako odraz prostředí, pozbývají obsahu a poklesají na bezobsaţnou formu,

protoţe nejsou schopny konkretizace. (“Umění překladu” 44-45)

Therefore, all the statements mentioned above created the support for my

practical part. Going back to the translation of names, I have made a decision to keep

them in their original form as I did not come up with any reason to change them in the

target text. The only exception is the name of the pet dog Poo that is translated as

Bobina.

French’s original My translation

Dora Dora

Oscar Oskar

Maureen Maureen

Luke Wilson Luke Wilson

Nana Pamela Babi Pamela

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In this category, I would like to include the translation of proper names and

adjectives that altogether creates one concept, which I consider to be one of the biggest

challenges in my practical part. Not only did I have to make an adjective or noun that

would express a connotative meaning of English adjective but also they had to begin

with the same letter. As a result, I achieved to find an adjective or a noun beginning

with the letter D directly or I need to use the prefixes added to the root of the word in D.

French’s original My translation

Ditzy Dora Dutá Dora

Dumpy Dora Dutohlav Dora

Dirty Dora Odrbaná Dora

Darling Dora Předrahá Dora

Dozy Dora Vydlabaná Dora

Dippy Dora Ďábelská Dora

According to Levý, there is no need in translation of the proper names unless

they contain specific characteristics that would be important for the story itself (“Umění

překladu” 43).

Peter Newmark holds an opinion that people's names and surnames should, as

a rule, not be translated when their names have no connotation in the text. He adds some

exceptions such as names of known saints, monarchs, and popes, which are known in

the translated form in the TL. Also, he mentions the names with connotations in

imaginative literature such as fairy tales and children‟s stories that are translated unless

the nationality is important (“A textbook on translation” 214-215). For this purpose,

I will mention characters from a fairy tale Snow White and the seven dwarfs

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(essortment) and its Czech equivalents that carry the significant feature (Hašková 82-

83).

Original version Czech translation

Snow White Sněhurka

Dopey Šmudla

Grumpy Rejpal

Doc Prófa

Happy Štístko

Blashful Stydlín

Snezzy Kejchal

Sleepy Dřímal

5.1.5.2.2 Foreign language in a text

The translator‟s decision about finding an appropriate equivalent depends on the

functional criterium that also deals with the foreign language in a text which should be

used in literature only in the form of hints for setting the atmosphere, greetings,

addressing someone or in social phrases. In this case, the foreign language should

remain in its original form and the same rule is applicable for the expressions the

meaning of which is easily deduced from the context (Knittlová 107-108). As an

example, I present several examples from the book The Death on the Nile by Agatha

Christie with the main character Hercule Poirot.

The original The translation

Hercule Poirot murmured to himself:

Un qui aime et un qui se laisse aimer.

Yes, I wonder too."

"Une qui aime et un qui se laisse aimer.

Ano. Ona miluje a on se dává milovat.

I já bych to rád věděl."

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"Oh, yes, Mademoiselle. I saw all there

was to see - indeed I saw something that

you did not."

"Ale ano, Mademoiselle. Viděl jsem

všechno, co bylo k vidění, - viděl jsem

dokonce něco, co vám uniklo."

"Tenez - you will feel better for having

said that!"

Vzal ji za paţi a přátelsky s ní zlehka

zatřásl. "Tenez! - jen s tím ven! Aţ to

vyslovíte, bude vám lip!"

"Bien," said Poirot, and laughed too. "Bien," pochválil Poirot a také se zasmál.

"Mais oui, Madame, it is indeed

beautiful."

"Mais oui, madame, je opravdu krásně."

It was at that moment that the drinks

arrived and created a welcome diversion.

Poirot lifted his glass gallantly.

"A votre santé, Madame -

Mademoiselle."

V té chvíli přinesli nápoje, coţ vytvořilo

vítané vyrušení. Poirot dvorně pozvedl

svou číšku.

"A votre santé, madame -

mademoiselle."

Nevertheless, as we can see in the example above, paralel Czech equivalent

should be included in a case when the message is not clear enough from the context or

a situation i.e. where the semantic value of an utterance is not implied (Knittlová 108).

French’s original My translation

[…] that it would be outré so to do. […] a ţe by to bylo vskutku outré, bizarní.

Which is exactly le chapeau juste? Který z nich smíme nazývat le chapeu

juste, kloboukem mezi klobouky?

A suffering that has undoubtedly eaten up

his confidence and joie de vivre.

Bylo to jedno velké utrpení, jeţ mu

sebralo veškeré sebevědomí a joi de vivre,

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chuť do života.

5.2 GRAMMATICAL EQUIVALENCE

In the previous chapter, the lexical categories were discussed on the basis of the

examples within my translation. While lexical resources are viewed as a factor

influencing the way in which experience is analyzed and reported and translator‟s

lexical choices are optionally made on the basis of open-ended sets of items or

expressions, a grammatical system is „another powerful factor which determines the

kind of distinctions we regularly make in reporting experience‟ (Baker 82).

Grammatical choices arise from closed-systems and are largely obligatory. Moreover,

grammatical structures are more resistant to change. As Baker point out „It is much

easier to introduce a new word, expression, or collocation into a language than to

introduce a new grammatical category, system, or sequence‟ (85). Thus, this chapter

outlines the disparity in the language structures the translators have to deal with on the

morphological and syntactic level.

5.2.1 Countability

The first significant difference between English and Czech is a category of

nouns and their countability and number as both the languages have a grammatical

category of number slightly different and not necessarily identical. Czech also has so

called dual form expressing duality or something existing in a pair, for instance the parts

of the body (Baker 87).

French’s original My translation

128

thefruit of the sea plody moře

[…] oil in fish is beneficial for my hair

[…]

[…] rybího oleje, kterej má blahodárný

účinky na moje vlasy […]

Anyway then she got all the stuff out […] Kaţdopádně pak donesla všechny věci

[…]

Purple prom dress Fialový šaty

jewellery –necklace, earrings, rings šperky – náhrdelník, naušnice, prsteny

Book a tan session, hairdressers […] Zamluvit solárko, kadeřníka […]

Get flashing disco lights […] Sehnat diskokouli, party osvětlení […]

In the last day, I‟ve had bread, pasta […] Zrovna včera jsem snědla chleba,

těstoviny […]

[…] I knew perfectly well hadn‟t washed

his hands.

[…] a bylo více neţ jasný, ţe si neumyl

ruce.

Torso too long for the leg length. Tělo moc dlouhý, nohy moc krátký.

5.2.2 Different levels of grammatical categories

Another aspect we have to take into account refers to the grammatical categories

on different levels in both languages. In case there is a category in English language

which does not exist in Czech, there is a possibility to use lexical means instead of

grammatical, although the meaning can be needlessly emphasized (Knittlová 121).

French’s original My translation

Serves her right for being the noisiest

parker […]

Patří jí to, ţe strká ten svŧj slídilovskej

nos kam nemá.

I‟d been an idiot and imagined the whole Vzpomněla jsem si na celou tu příšerně

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ghastly, embarrassing episode. poniţující záleţitost a […]

[…] you telling everyone where the

endless arseing golf sale is.

[…] cedule co nabízí nějaký debilní slevy

golfových potřeb.

put on some better photos nahrát tam nějaký lepší fotky

[…] when you‟re trying to tune the radio

and you haven‟t got to a channel yet.

[…] kdyţ se snaţíte naladit radio a najít

nějakou stanici.

5.2.3 Verbal aspect

As opposed to the statement above, the Czech can also have some extra

categories non-existing in English such as verbal aspect. The differences in aspect deal

with the temporal distribution of an event, for instance its completion or non-

completion, continuation or momentariness (Baker 98). In that case, the translator needs

to decide about the choice of appropriate aspect based on the context. Still, the choice is

not unambiguous as every verb in Czech is either perfective or imperfective, but in

English the continuous form is used to express a course of an action. However, English

can partially express the differences in verbal aspect by using adverbial constituents,

prefixes or syntactical constructions (Knittlová 122).

French’s original My translation

Who would have thought that […] Kdo by si pomyslel […]

I have foolishly overlooked him in the

past.

[…] jak jsem ho mohl kdy přehlížet.

Why does he constantly refuse to back me

up at these critical moments?

Proč se mě pokaţdý odmítne zastat v těhle

krizových chvílích?

Wake up Mother, please! Prosim tě, matko, prober se!

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[…] to go up for X Factor. […] přihlásit se do soutěţe X Faktor.

„Butt out you wonk!‟ „Vysmahni tuponi!“

Anyway then she got all the stuff out and

laid it on a table.

Kaţdopádně pak donesla všechny věci

a rozloţila je na stŧl.

5.2.4 T-V distinction

A large number of European languages, including Czech, have

a formality/politeness dimension in their person system while English does not make

any difference between so called tykání and vykání. It means that a pronoun other than

the second-person singular, usually the second/person plural, is used in „interaction with

a singular addressee in order to express deference and/or non-familiarity‟ (Baker 96).

Nevertheless, English has other modes of address that are used to express familiarity or

deference and clearly there is a difference when we address someone as you or Mr.

Potter. In the process of translation, the translator needs to rely on a wider context,

a situation and other markers to decide which personal pronoun to use (Knittlová 122).

Personally, I did not find this aspect to be difficult within my translation as there

were not so many characters. After reading the novel, I have decided to differ between

tykání and vykání based on social conventions. In fact, I used the form of vykání when

the Battle siblings are meeting with the Noel for the first time and in the situation when

Oscar is taking Dora to the prom. In this case, he intends to exaggerate the whole

situation using overpoliteness technique or rather form of social cliché. On the other

hand, in the situation where Oscar reveals his feelings for Noel, I preferred tykání.

French’s original My translation

„Wow, you‟re so tall! „Páni, vy jste ale vysoká!

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„Is your Mum tall too?‟

„Je vaše maminka taky tak vysoká?“

„At your service, m‟lady.‟ „K Vašim sluţbám, má paní.“

[…] GENTLEMAN WHO JUST

HAPPENS TO UTTERLY ADORE YOU,

YOU SILLY NAUGHTY FOOL!‟

[…] MLADÝ MUŢ, KTERÝ TĚ NADE

VŠE ZBOŢŇUJE, TY MŦJ UBOHÝ

HLUPÁČKU!“

You know how important confidentiality

is. Care to explain yourself?

Nechápeš snad, jak je zachování

mlčenlivosti dŧleţitý? Můžeš mi to nějak

vysvětlit?

[…] but you can‟t force someone to fancy

you.

[…] ale ty nemŧţeš nikoho nutit, aby tě

měl rád.

5.2.5 Gender

Baker explains the concept of gender as a „grammatical distinction according to

which a noun or pronoun is classified as either masculine or feminine in some

languages…Determiners, adjectives and sometimes verbs usually agree with the noun in

gender as well as in number (90)‟. In the case of English, it does not have a category of

gender i.e. nouns are not inflected to distinguish between feminine and masculine but it

uses a category of third-person singular for that purpose (90). In Czech, the decision on

gender is made with a help of context (Knittlová 121).

French’s original My translation

I am, after all, the qualified child

psychologist in this family.

Koneckoncŧ, já jsem tu kvalifikovaná

dětská psycholožka […]

What am I actually? To be a guide […] Měla bych být průvodkyní ţivotem […]

132

Anyway, Lottie was, and still is, Dora‟s

advocate and the only one that has hung

in there.

Kaţdopádně, Lottie byla a pořád je Dořina

obhájkyně a je jediná, kdo to s ní vydrţí.

On the level of syntax, the use of syntactic means in English and Czech can have

a significant influence on meaning in the source and target text, which can be related

with different types of both languages. It follows that the translator should not just copy

„the ground plan‟ of the source text because the result would not sound natural in Czech

even if the lexical items would be chosen appropriately. What may be viewed as

problematic is the expression of possession by a preposition of such as in the example

her fool of husband = hlupák manžel where the noun husband should be the dominant

part of the expression but in fact, it is the fool which is the head element. However, the

preposition of in the case of the City of Prague = město Praha does not cause any

problem (Knittlová 94).

French’s original My translation

The correct severing of the muscles […] […] je nejdŧleţitější správně odsekat

svalovinu […]

[…] on the top of the last page […] […] na poslední stránce složky.

[…] by the end of this week […] […] do konce týdne […]

[…] in the window of the bank […] […] v prosklených dveřích jedný banky.

[…] and loads of other stuff. […] a spoustu dalšího.

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5.3 TEXTUAL EQUIVALENCE

The last type of equivalence deals with the organization of the text particularly

with the cohesion and coherence as there are also the differences between the source

and the target text that deserve to be commented on.

5.3.1 Cohesion

In technical terms, the concept of cohesion signifies „the semantic and formal

relations between elements of a discourse which are expressed in that the interpretation

of the meaning of one element in the discourse is dependent on the meaning of another‟

(Dontcheva-Navrátilová 31). To put it differently, it is an objective property of a text

that is easily recognized (31). Baker perceives the cohesion as a network of lexical,

grammatical and other relations providing a link between the various parts of the text.

Further, it is the connection of actual words that the reader is able to see (180).

The significant English linguists Halliday and Hassan define the concept of

cohesion as „essential semantic relations whereby any passage of speech or writing is

enabled to function as a text‟ (13). It can be classified into five distinct categories –

reference, substitution, ellipsis, conjunction and lexical cohesion. For the purpose of the

thesis, only first four categories will be described in detail.

Reference is the relationship of identity that holds between two linguistic

expressions and is achieved through referring expressions i.e. „language items whose

semantic interpretation is reached by reference to something else in the discourse or in

the situational context‟ and they comprises of personal pronouns, determiners, adjective

and adverbs (Halliday, Hassan 31). It includes a specific nature of the information

signalled for retrieval. In this case, there is a referential meaning as the information

needs to be retrieved. In other words, it deals with the identity of a particular thing that

134

is being referred to (31). It can be stated that it is a relation between meanings on the

semantic level (89).

Every language possesses a number of items with the property of reference that

has the potential to help the reader to look elsewhere in the text for their interpretation.

The most common referring expressions in English are personal pronouns, determiners,

adjectives and adverbs (Dontcheva-Navrátilová 32). More specifically, third-person

pronouns are used to refer back to information that has been introduced, which allow

the reader to trace participants and entities within the text (Baker 181).

French’s original My translation

[…] no sign of Husband at the eye of the

storm. He scuttled off to a safe port in the

study […]

Po Manželovi se na bojišti opět slehla zem

– v klidu si odkráčel na bezpečný místo

v pracovně […]

I must pay attention to this year is ... Poo.

Absolutely must get her spayed.

[…] o kterýho se tenhle rok musím

postarat... Bobina. Musím ji nechat

vykastrovat.

I am accustomed to dullards, Lord knows

I am surrounded by them daily […]

Jsem jiţ zvyklý na nekňuby a Bŧh mi

dosvědčí, ţe se s nimi doma potýkám […]

What is a university? My trusty dictionary

tells me it is a „high level educational

institution in which student study for

degrees and academic research is done‟.

Well, that‟s handy then, because that‟s

exactly what I‟m looking for – except for

the research bit – I won‟t be doing any of

„Ptám se, co je to univerzita? Mŧj

výkladový slovník říká, ţe to je „tradiční

označení vysoké školy poskytující nejvyšší

stupeň vzdělání v rozmanitých oborech

a kde pro získání titulu je nutné provést

akademický výzkum“. Tak to se hodí,

protoţe to je přesně to, co hledám, aţ na

135

that atall. ten výzkum. Ten teda dělat nehodlám.

Together with the ellipsis, substitution deals with a grammar and processes

within the text. It is a relation between linguistic items such as words and phrases and it

is a concept of a replacement of one item by another. The most common expressions in

substitution are one, the same, do or does that are called substitutes, which are a kind of

counter used in place of the repetition of a particular item (Halliday 89).

French’s original My translation

She‟s supposed to be the clever one […] Měla by bejt chytrá jak radio […]

Get a camera. Only got the one on my

phone and it‟s crap

Sehnat foťák. Tenv mobilu stojí za prd

Why do people say dogs don‟t laugh when

they like, so def do? Well, she does.

Nechápu, proč lidi tvrdí, ţe se psi

nesmějou, páč oni se teda rozhodně

smějou. Bobina určitě.

We agreed that one should never wear

brown in town, that it would be outré so

to do.

Shodli jsme se, že hnědá barva by měla

být ve městě zakázána a ţe by to byl

vskutku bizarní počin.

Ellipsis is described as a substitution by zero i.e. leaving unsaid something that

is nevertheless understood. However, even if there is something unsaid in the sentence,

it still can be easily understood for a simple reason - there is always a context that offers

a great help for the reader to interpret the sentences and fill so called slots, which are the

parts of the texts with missing information.

136

In this case, ellipsis is closely connected with the concept of presupposition,

which is the assumption of the speaker/writer made prior to something is uttered or

written down. As some concepts or entities are considered to be known, such

information will not be stated and they will be counted as a part of what is

communicated but not said (Yule 25).

In practice, there are sentences and clauses the structure of which presupposes

some preceding item serving as a source of the missing information. Yet, it does not

relate to any instance in which the reader needs to supply missing information. In fact, it

concerns only those cases where the grammatical structure points to an item which fills

the slot in question (Baker 187).

French’s original My translation

Me: What did you do?

Her: Learning.

Já: Co jsi dělala?

Ona: Učila se.

Me: Worried about anything?

Her: Yeah.

Me: Want to tell me?

Her: No.

Me: Want me to shut up?

Her: Yeah.

Já: Trápí tě něco?

Ona: Jo.

Já: Nechceš mi to říct?

Ona: Ne.

Já: Chceš, abych byla zticha?

Ona: Jo.

[…] its most popular suggestion has been

someone named Paris Hilton. I think not.

Našeptávač mi uţ několikrát navrhl

jakousi Paris Hilton, o čemž tedy vysoce

pochybuji.

ME: What is a female condom? JÁ: Co to je ţenskej kondom?

137

NANA PAMELA: A bad idea. BABI PAMELA: Špatný nápad.

ME: Could it happen that he might wee in

you instead of the other thing?

NANA PAMELA: No.

JÁ: Mŧţe se stát, ţe by do tebe načŧral

místo tý jiný věci?

BABI PAMELA: Ne, nikdy.

Conjunction is a cohesive device provided by words and phrases which

explicitly indicate the type of relationship existing between clauses, sentences and

paragraphs in a discourse. Basically, they are signals used by writers who help the

readers to relate what is about to be said or what has been said before. The connections

expressed by conjunctives are typically adverbs and prepositional phrases. Baker

distinguishes five major relations within conjunctions: additive, adversative, causal,

temporal and continuative. The translator needs to realize that the same conjunction can

signal different relations depending on the context. Furthermore, they have to find the

balance between accuracy of the original text and the author‟s intentions and natural

locution in the language they translate into (Baker 190-191; Knittlová 102-103).

French’s original My translation

I was initially reluctant, because perhaps

now […]

Zprvu jsem se zdráhal, jelikoţ moţná

právě teď […]

No replies yet but it‟s ages away. Zatím nikdo neodepsal, ale to má ještě čas.

Firstly it was moving very fast […] Nejdřív se to pohybovalo velmi rychle

[…]

He doesn‟t worry whether or not they are

suitable as his friends.

Vŧbec si neláme hlavu, jestli jsou to

kamarádi,nebo ne.

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5.4 THE CHARACTERISTIC OF THE STYLE

When we take into account all the information in the analysis we can

characterize the style of the book as follows:

The book is written as a diary where the story is narrated from three different

perspectives - Mo, Dora and Peter. All the diary entries are in the 1st person narration

and they take turns. Moreover, each entry is marked by the name of the person, but even

if the name was missing, it does not cause much of an effort to guess who is speaking as

all three characters‟ expressive devices are different and very distinctive.

Dora and Mo use very informal language. On a top of it, Dora‟s expression is

very vulgar full of insults towards her mother. On the other hand, Peter thanks to his

fixed idea that he is Oscar Wilde speaks rather noble English although he does not stick

to it all the time.

This was one of the main reasons for choosing the book as I like the outstanding

differences that put an immense challenge in front of me.

French’s original My translation

Yeah thanks, I really wanna go back

there. Not.

It‟s gonna be great on Facebook thou,

I‟ve told all my friends to lookout for my

status which I‟m going to update in like

fifteen minutes to: STATUS: OWNER

OF 20 NEW CONDOMS.

Jo super, hned bych se tam vrátila. Pche,

ani za zlatý prase.

Ale na Fejsbŧku to bude hustý, páč jsem

řekla všem kámošŧm, ať si očekujou mŧj

status, kterej si tam hodim tak do 15 minut

a kterej bude znít: Dora Battleová je

čerstvou majitelkou 20 nových kondomŧ.

Finally, I must give some serious thought A konečně, musím se váţně zamyslet, jak

139

to my fiftieth birthday in October. Can‟t

decide whether to celebrate or hide in

a deep cave. Not denial exactly, but

maybe I could just ignore it…?

to udělám v říjnu s mýma padesátinama,

protoţe se nemŧţu rozhodnout, jestli to

slavit, nebo se radši zahrabat hluboko pod

zem. Ne ţe bych si nechtěla přiznat, kolik

mi je, jen bych ten den prostě ignorovala…

Although admittedly a „big‟ fellow, I was

but a wisp, being carried along by the

sweetest of zephyrs. Tumbling,

whooshing even onwards towards my

destiny.

I přesto, ţe jsem urostlý mladý muţ, v tuto

chvíli jsem byl pouhým lístečkem

unášeným nejsvěţejším vánkem, který si se

mnou pohrával a já jsem mílovými kroky

řítil dál a dál vstříc mému osudu.

From the story, we recognize it takes place in England in a small town

Pangbourne and it is very contemporary thanks to the modern amenities like using

Internet, Facebook and Google that make the story very up-to-date.

French’s original My translation

„Dora Battle, beloved daughter of Mr and

Mrs Battle of Pangbourne […]

Musím se do toho vloţit. „Doro Battlová,

předrahá dcero pana a paní Battlových

z Pangbournu […]

It‟s gonna be great on Facebook though,

[…]

Ale na Fejsbůku to bude hustý, […]

I regularly log on to question Google […] Pravidelně se loguji na počítač a na

Googlu […]

140

Concerning the form of a diary, another distinctive feature within the book is the

graphical illustration when the characters intended to put an emphasis on their utterance.

This emphasis is achieved by underlining, capital letters or italics or by combination of

the three.

French’s original My translation

Doing it all over the place with, like

ANYONE.

[…] co si vychrápává s KÝMKOLI na

poţádání […]

To which I replied, loudly, possibly too

loudly, „I AM NOT A CHILD. I AM A

FUNCTIONING ENCHANTING

GENTLEMAN […]

Na coţ jsem zvýšeným, moţná aţ moc

zvýšeným, hlasem odvětil, „UŢ NEJSEM

DÍTĚ, ALE PLNĚ VYVINUTÝ

OKOUZLUJÍCÍ MLADÝ MUŢ […]

I must be further along with my book, and

I must have a title for it.

Musím pokročit s psaním knihy a musím

pro ni vymyslet název.

That bloke stood back and I let my deepest

red-rage break free.

Ten bastard hodil zpátečku a to byla

poslední kapka.

Concerning the target readers, I immediately thought of all the women with

some life experiences who could enjoy the story and who are looking for some light

reading. In my opinion, the age group will be from 17 years old up as a girl or a woman

in every age can find something that will attract her attention for the topics are more

complex. They can not only discover the troubles of becoming an adult or the life in

a marriage but also find some morals and truths which can be easily identified with.

From a translator‟s point of view, I wanted to create fresh and readable translation that

141

would find its target readers and to keep the values and ideas as intended by the author

of the original. Further, as a defender of a translational optimism, I bore in mind all the

theoretical knowledge I had studied and I believed that I fullfiled all the requirements

that will make my translation and its analysis not perfect, as it was not the main purpose

of the thesis, but successful.

142

6. CONCLUSION

The diploma thesis presents the translation and analysis of selected parts of the

novel “A Tiny Bit Marvellous” written by an English author Dawn French that was not

translated into Czech at the time I decided to work on it. The aim was to create the

translation based on the modern approach of the theory of equivalence and analyse the

translation with a great help of a variety of secondary sources. Also, I would like to

mention here that I chose the topic of the translation and analysis for my previous thesis

and that is the reason I have come back to it. I felt it deserves to be examined more

precisely and from more complex points of view.

Looking back I must say that the work I have done was both enjoyable and

extremely satisfactory. Not only have I used my creativity but I was also creating a new

piece of work. Even if it was just a bit in comparison with the whole book, I can

imagine all the hard work that is behind the the whole process. What is more, I have

found out that the work of the translator is not only about sitting down and making

a translation. On the contrary, the translator‟s work demands more than that as he can

work with the original as he wants but finally he must follow the theoretical rules that

do not allow him to make a completely new book. In fact, s/he rather transfers the

message and ideas from the original into his translation keeping in mind two aspects –

a reader of the target text and the fact that his translation should not distract the reader

in any way i.e. the translation should be invisible to the highest extent.

Apart from that, I dealt with the theory of equivalence on the level of lexis,

grammar and text that sometimes caused me a real problem. In fact, when I was reading

the book I had no problem in comprehension but when I was supposed to find an

appropriate equivalent, I suddenly realized that I cannot just translate the text in

143

a random way. To be honest, I was glad I had a theoretical background that helped me

solved all the difficulties I came across. Therefore, I believe that I did my best in

handling the role of a translator when transferring the ideas and values to the target

reader as well as make it comprehensible with the desired effect.

Also, I did not expect to discover anything new within a translation theory as

a lot was already written by more competent linguists. I rather desired to put together

a basis from which I would proceed. Thus, this diploma thesis was enriching as I was

given an opportunity to acquaint myself with a large number of authors and their

opinions. I realized that the knowledge of different theories and methods in translation

can be regarded as a premise for an accurate translation. Finally, I have also found out

the truly aspects and demands within the work of a translator.

144

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