MASARYK UNIVERSITY OF BRNO
FACULTY OF EDUCATION
Department of English Language and Literature
Dawn French: A Tiny Bit Marvellous
Translation and analysis
Diploma thesis
Brno 2013
Supervisor: Mgr. Martin Němec Written by: Bc. Eva Hašková
Bibliography
HAŠKOVÁ, Eva. Dawn French: A Tiny Bit Marvellous – translation and analysis:
diploma thesis. Brno: Masaryk University, Faculty of Education, Department of English
Language and Literature, 2013. 147 pages. The supervisor of diploma thesis – Mgr.
Martin Němec.
Bibliografický záznam
HAŠKOVÁ, Eva. Překlad a rozbor částí knihy Dawn French s názvem A Tiny Bit
Marvellous: diplomová práce. Brno: Masarykova univerzita, Fakulta pedagogická,
Katedra anglického jazyka a literatury, 2013. 147 s. Vedoucí bakalářské práce – Mgr.
Martin Němec.
Annotation
Diploma thesis deals with the translation of selected parts of the novel called
“A Tiny Bit Marvellous” by an English writer Dawn French and its analysis. It consists
of theoretical and practical parts. The former is focused on the translation based on the
modern theory of equivalence, the latter contains more sub-chapters. At first, I describe
two approaches to the translation, namely the theory of equivalence and the literal
translation and I define their concepts based on the opinions of the main representatives.
Further, I deal with more theoretical background of the translation as such and
I examine more closely the questions of translatability and style and the role of
a translator and a reader that play an important role within the whole process.
Predominate part is focused on the analysis of my translation based on the lexical,
grammatical and textual equivalence that is covered according to Dagmar Knittlová‟s
outline. A large number of secondary sources will explain individual theoretical points
that will be supported by examples from the practical part.
Anotace
Diplomová práce se zabývá překladem vybraných částí díla Dawn French
s názvem “A Tiny Bit Marvellous” a jeho analýzou. Skládá se z praktické a teoretické
části. Praktická část je zaměřena na překlad na základě moderního přístupu teorie
ekvivalence. Teoretická část má více podkapitol. Nejprve popisuji dva přístupy
k překladu - teorii ekvivalence a doslovný překlad a vymezuji jejich hlavní myšlenky,
které opírám o názory hlavních představitelŧ. Dále se zabývám procesem překladu jako
takovým a zkoumám otázku přeloţitelnosti a stylu díla, rolí překladatele a čtenáře, které
mají nesmírný vliv na práci překladatele. Převáţná a poslední část teoretické části se
zaměřuje na analýzu mého překladu a rozebírá ho na základě lexikální, gramatické
a textové ekvivalence podle osnovy Dagmar Knittlové. Jednotlivé teoretické problémy
jsou vysvětleny za pomoci obsáhlé sekundární literatury a následně doloţeny příklady
z praktické části.
Keywords
translation, translatability, a translator, a reader, theory of equivalence, lexical
equivalence, textual equivalence, grammatical equivalence, an equivalent, a style,
modern approach
Klíčová slova
překlad, přeloţitelnost, překladatel, čtenář, teorie ekvivalence, lexikální ekvivalence,
textová ekvivalence, gramatická ekvivalence, ekvivalent, styl, moderní přístup
Prohlášení
Prohlašuji, že jsem závěrečnou diplomovou práci vypracovala samostatně, s využitím
pouze citovaných literárních pramenů, dalších informací a zdrojů v souladu
s Disciplinárním řádem pro studenty Pedagogické fakulty Masarykovy univerzity a se
zákonem č. 121/2000 Sb., o právu autorském, o právech souvisejících s právem
autorským a o změně některých zákonů (autorský zákon), ve znění pozdějších předpisů.
……………………………………
V Brně dne 16. dubna 2013 Bc. Eva Hašková
Acknowledgements
I would like to express my thanks to Mgr. Martin Němec for his kind supervision of my
diploma thesis. I appreciate his valuable advice and help with the consultations of
translation and the choice and form of the theoretical part as well as his
recommendation of literature. I am glad for his support that helped me to finish this
piece of work.
I would also like to thank my family and close friends for their support and belief they
have in me. Finally, I thank Zdeněk Hurt for his endless patience and motivation.
CONTENT
1. INTRODUCTION ............................................................................................................. 9
2. DAWN FRENCH ............................................................................................................ 11
2.1 ABOUT THE BOOK ..................................................................................................... 11
3. PRACTICAL PART ........................................................................................................ 13
4. THEORETICAL PART ................................................................................................... 82
4.1 THE THEORY OF EQUIVALENCE ........................................................................... 82
4.2 THE PROBLEM OF TRANSLATABILITY ................................................................ 86
4.3 THE ROLE OF A READER.......................................................................................... 87
4.4 THE ROLE OF A TRANSLATOR ............................................................................... 88
4.5 THE DEFINITION OF STYLE ..................................................................................... 89
5. ANALYSIS ...................................................................................................................... 91
5.1 LEXICAL EQUIVALENCE ......................................................................................... 92
5.1.1 Zero equivalence ......................................................................................................... 92
5.1.2 Absolute equivalence .................................................................................................. 94
5.1.3 Formal differences ...................................................................................................... 96
5.1.3.1 More lexical items in English – less in Czech ......................................................... 96
5.1.3.2 Explicity – Implicity ................................................................................................ 98
5.1.4 Differences in denotation .......................................................................................... 100
5.1.4.1 Specification ........................................................................................................... 100
5.1.4.2 Generalization ........................................................................................................ 105
5.1.5 Differences in connotation ........................................................................................ 107
5.1.5.1 Expressive connotations ......................................................................................... 108
5.1.5.1.1 Intensification ...................................................................................................... 115
5.1.5.2 Differences in pragmatics ...................................................................................... 118
5.1.5.2.1 Personal names .................................................................................................... 122
5.1.5.2.2 Foreign language in a text ................................................................................... 125
5.2 GRAMMATICAL EQUIVALENCE .......................................................................... 127
5.2.1 Countability ............................................................................................................... 127
5.2.2 Different levels of grammatical categories ............................................................... 128
5.2.3 Verbal aspect ............................................................................................................. 129
5.2.4 T-V distinction .......................................................................................................... 130
5.2.5 Gender ....................................................................................................................... 131
5.3 TEXTUAL EQUIVALENCE ...................................................................................... 133
5.3.1 Cohesion .................................................................................................................... 133
5.4 THE CHARACTERISTIC OF THE STYLE .............................................................. 138
6. CONCLUSION .............................................................................................................. 142
7. WORKSCITED ............................................................................................................. 144
9
1. INTRODUCTION
The diploma thesis will deal with the translation of selected parts of the novel
“A Tiny Bit Marvellous” by Dawn French and its analysis based on the modern theory
of equivalence. I have chosen this particular topic for several reasons. Firstly, I have
always been a keen reader, but owing to work and university studies I lacked the time to
read for pleasure. As a result, in the diploma thesis I decided to mix business and
pleasure in focusing on a piece of literature and perceive it from a translation
perspective. Moreover, it will be immensely challenging to experience the burden
within the work of a translator and all the difficulties that s/he has to deal with and,
more importantly, how to resolve them. Not only does s/he have to use creativity and
imagination but also s/he must follow a large number of rules in the process of
translation at the same time.
Secondly, since I am able to read books in English with almost no problem,
I have suddenly become more critical to their Czech translations to such an extent that
I deliberately avoided them because I thought they cannot depict the message in a same
way. Thus, my intention will be to present a translation based on the modern theory of
equivalence and demonstrate the solutions that will be analyzed and that can be
beneficial, not only for translators but also for the teachers of English.
Thirdly, I have dealt with the translation and analysis in my bachelor thesis
where I focused on the theory of equivalence and I got the general insight into the issue
of a theory of translation, which caught my attention so extensively that I wanted to
deepen my knowledge in this particular area. Therefore, this point serves as the main
premise for the choice of the topic of my work.
10
As far as the structure of the thesis is concerned, there will be a brief
introduction of the author and the book followed by the practical part with the
translation of selected parts. In the second part of the diploma thesis, there will be
several chapters focusing on the theoretical background of the process of translation. At
the very beginning I will discuss the question of translatability and the two approaches
in nowadays theories of translation dealing with this issue supported by their main
representatives. After that, I will concentrate on the aspects such as a role of a translator
himself and the question of the style, as well as the role of a reader that will be put into
the context as an inevitable part of a translator‟s work. Finally, the predominate part
will be devoted to the analysis of my translation in terms of lexical, grammatical and
textual equivalence i.e. the aspects that demonstrates the style of the author based on the
outline of Dagmar Knittlová and Mona Baker. Furthermore, it will be supported by an
extensive variety of significant linguists and many examples from my practical part will
be provided.
11
2. DAWN FRENCH
Dawn French was born 1957 in Wales. As a writer, she has written three books
so far. Her first autobiographical novel Dear Fatty was released in 2008 and consists of
the letters to different people in her life (Dawn French). Other book, A Tiny Bit
Marvellous, was published in 2010 and will be mentioned in more detail in the next
chapter.
2.1 ABOUT THE BOOK
For the purpose of my thesis I decided to work with the novel A Tiny Bit
Marvellous that was published by Penguin books in 2010. I am well aware of the fact
that the novel was published in the Czech Republic in June 2012 in Argo publishing
house. Nevertheless, I made my choice about the book in the spring 2012 when
I discovered that it had not been translated into Czech at that time. In fact, it was the
premise I based the topic of my diploma thesis on. Therefore, I decided not to work
with the Czech translation at all so that I could not be influenced in any way.
The story itself surrounds the Battle family, an average family living on the
outskirts of Reading. It is told in a diary form from three different points of view by Mo
and her two teenage children, Dora and Peter, each one unique in their own way.
Mo has a career of a successful child psychologist and is about to turn 50 and
she is writing a book on her chosen career. However, she is a bit lost and not really sure
of who she is as she has a feeling of being stuck a rut. Further, she faces this milestone
of a birthday and is about to cheat on her husband, which could ruin her family. She
thinks she has this wonderful understanding of her children thanks to her job, but of
course she really hasn‟t a clue.
12
Mo‟s daughter, Dora is 17 and is planning to head off to a university. She has
recently split up with her long-standing boyfriend and is planning to become famous
thanks to the upcoming X Factor auditions. Dora can be regarded as a rebel full of
teenage angst that hates her family, except her dad, and feels that life is very unfair to
her. On the pages of her diary, we are witnesses of a teenage life in all its melodrama
and naivety. She is also addicted to Facebook and is unaware of dangerous things that
can happen.
Last member of the family, whom we get to know much closer, is Peter who is
actually channelling Oscar Wilde in all his gloriousness. His narrative reads like that of
a much older person with a noble usage of the English language who is longing for
noble things such as a velvet jacket. He is deeply in love with Noel, Mo‟s new assistant
at work but is refused and later finds love with his classmate Luke.
Even if the story itself can be viewed as not so original and sometimes cliché,
I must appreciate the composition of the book that really caught my attention. In fact,
after reading the story, the readers can find many supplementary materials.
Firstly, there is recipe book of cakes that Nana Pamela prepared for the Battle
family with all the ingredients and instructions. Then, we can read the interview with
the author herself about the book, her writing habits, and the whole process of writing
and the new novel the readers can expect. After that, there is a section called Dawn‟s
reading list consisting of the books that have inspired her throughout the life divided
into several parts. Lastly, and perhaps more importantly, there are points for further
discussion for reading groups that can be implemented in a conversation about family
that oversee, not only the story itself, but the concept of modern families in general.
13
3. PRACTICAL PART
Dora (17 YRS)
My mother is, like, a totally confirmed
A-list bloody cocking minging arsehole
cretin cockhead of the highest order. In
fact, I, of this moment, officially declare
my entire doubt of the fact that she is my
actual mother. She can‟t be. I can‟t have
come from that wonk. Nothing in any tiny
atom of my entire body bears any likeness
to an iota of any bit of her. It‟s so, like,
entirely unfair when people say we look
alike because like, excuse me, but we
properly DON‟T thank you. And I should
know. Because I look at her disgusting
face 20/7 and excuse me, I do actually
have a mirror thank you. Which I‟ve
looked in and so NOT seen her face,
younger or otherwise, staring back at me.
If I do ever see that hideousness, please
drown me immediately in the nearest large
collection of deep water.
Dora (17 let)
Moje matka je nejvíc prvotřídní podělaná
pojebaná pindovská pinda nejvyššího
kalibru. A vŧbec, začínám dost
pochybovat, ţe je moje skutečná matka. To
prostě nemŧţe bejt pravda. Přece jsem
nemohla vylízt z takovýho mimoně. Vţdyť
ani ten nejmenší kousíček mýho těla není
nijak podobnej s tím jejím, coţ je teda
pěkně nefér, kdyţ lidi říkaj, ţe jsme jedna
jako druhá. Jako sorry, ale to ANI
OMYLEM, děkuji mnohokrát. O tom bych
musela něco vědět, páč čumim na její
odpornej ksicht od rána do večera celej
tejden, A NAVÍC mám zrcadlo, ne asi.
A kdyţ jsem se do něj koukla, tak na mě
rozhodně NEčumělo zpátky nic, co by bylo
byť vzdáleně podobný jejímu ksichtu nebo
jeho mladší verzi. Pokud bych ale někdy
přece jen našla na sobě známky její
ohyzdnosti, tak se nade mnou prosím
slitujte a vemte mě na nejbliţší místo
s hodně hlubokou vodou a utopte mě.
14
I would honestly be grateful for that act of
random mercy. At 5.45pm today she had
the actual nerve to inform me that I will
not apparently be having my belly button
pierced after all, until my eighteenth
birthday. She knows I booked it for this
Saturday. She knows Lottie is having hers
one. It was going to be our like together
forever thing. Fuck my mother and all
who sail in her. I hate her. She‟s fired.
Za to bych Vám byla fakt hodně vděčná.
V 5.45 odpolko měla tu drzost mi oznámit,
ţe podle všeho si nebudu moct aţ do svých
osmnáctých narozek nechat propíchnout
pupík. A to přitom ví, ţe jsem byla
objednaná na tuhle sobotu. A taky ví, ţe
Lottie do toho jde se mnou. Mělo to totiţ
bejt potvrzení našeho kamarádství, jakoţe
nej nej kámošky navţdy.
Srát na matku a na všechny její buzerace.
Nesnáším ji. Má padáka.
Mo (49 YRS)
All things considered, that went ether
well. Big pat on own back, Mo. I am
definitely getting better at not letting her
appalling language upset me. No one likes
to be referred to as an „evil slag‟, or „hell
whore‟, let‟s be honest, but I‟ve suffered
worse at the sharp end of her tongue, so
ironically I‟m grateful for these
comparatively lesser lashings.
Mo (49 let)
Kdyţ se nad tím zamyslím, šlo to celkem
dobře. Zaslouţíš si uznalé poplácání po
rameni, Mo. Její otřesná mluva uţ mě
nemŧţe rozhodit jako předtím. Jasně,
nikomu se nelíbí označení “odporná coura”
nebo “hnusná děvka”, co si budeme
povídat, ale uţ jsem od ní zaţila i horší
nadávky, takţe jsem paradoxně ráda za
tyhle jemnější výrazy.
I am reminded of the trusty old David
Walsh mantra I often recommend to my
clients, „When, in argument, you feel like
taking the wind out of her sails, it is
Vzpomínám si na heslo starýho dobrýho
psychologa Davida Walsche, který často
doporučuju klientŧm: „Pokud při hádce
cítíte, ţe vám někdo bere vítr z plachet, je
15
a better idea to take your sails out of her
wind.‟
lepší to obrátit ve váš prospěch a sebrat vítr
z plachet jemu.“
Yet again, no sign of Husband at the eye
of the storm. He scuttled off to a safe port
in the study to spend time with his ever-
ready, ever-understanding lover, MAC.
Why does he constantly refuse to back me
up at these critical moments? I have
repeatedly explained the importance of
consistency and continuity as far as kids
are concerned. We must present a united
front. We should share my opinion at all
times. I am, after all, the qualified child
psychologist in this family. Other than
fathering two children (total of six
minutes„ commitment to the project), I‟m
not aware of his training. However, have
to give it to him, he is certainly
a supremely skilled slinker-off-er when
voices are raised, no one can better his
retreating technique. He certainly gets the
gold in that backwards race. Oh yes.
Then, he had the audacity to sit in Dora‟s
bedroom with her for an hour whilst she
apparently „emptied out‟ and explained to
Po Manţelovi se na bojišti opět slehla zem
aodkráčel si na bezpečný místo v pracovně,
aby se pomazlil se svým NOŤASEM, vţdy
připravenou láskou plnou pochopení. Proč
se mě pokaţdý odmítne zastat v těhle
krizových chvílích? Neustále mu
vysvětluju, jak je dŧleţitý, abychom byli
dŧslední a trvali si na svém, pokud jde
o děti. Musíme být spojenci a měli bychom
vţdy sdílet především mŧj názor.
Koneckoncŧ, já jsem tu kvalifikovaná
dětská psycholoţka a kromě toho, ţe dělá
otce dvoum dětem (coţ vydalo na plných
6 minut), o jeho praktických rodičovských
znalostech si iluze nedělám. A kdyţ je
hádka na obzoru a začíná bejt dusno, je
jako namazanej blesk, to se musí nechat.
Nikdo neovládl techniku úprku do takové
dokonalosti jakon. Kdyby se pořádali
závody ve zpátečnickým sprintu, určitě by
kaţdoročně vyhrával zlatou medili. Jojo.
A pak dělá, jako by se nechumelilo,
a v klidu si jde za Dorou do pokoje
16
him that she feels she and I are enemies
and have been for years. I am not her
enemy, I am her mother. Sometimes it‟s
probably the same thing. It needs to be.
I am not here to be her friend.
What am I actually? To be a guide,
a judge, an inquisitor maybe? At the
moment I am purely transport, bank and
occasional punch bag.
a hodiny si vykládají a ona mu vysvětluje,
proč si nerozumíme a jak se vţdycky
budeme nesnášet. Nejsem snad její
nepřítel, ale matka. Někdy to je jedno a to
samý, coţ je potřeba, ale snad se ode mě
nevyţaduje, abysme byly kamarádky.
Co pak teda jsem? Měla bych být
prŧvodkyní ţivotem, mentorem a vzorem,
ke kterému bude vzhlíţet. Ale zatím sem
spíš jenom odvoz, banka a příleţitosnej
boxovací pytel.
Why I have been sent this Tango-skinned
bleached-hair designer slave? I own
a human Cindy.
Proč mi poslali tuhle tanga nosící otrokyni
módy s odbarvenýma vlasama? Jsem
majitelkou opravdický panenky Barbie.
I just have to accept it, she loathes me.
Today‟s particular loathing is about
refusing to let her have her belly button
pierced.
Musím se s tím smířit. Nesnáší mě.
Dnešním dŧvodem k nesnášení je fakt, ţe
jsem jí zakázala nechat si propíchnout
pupík.
Oscar (16 YRS)
The suffering of the last hour has been
unutterably awful. Both of the Battle
harridans, the monstrous mater and the
dreadful daughter, have been shrieking
sufficiently enough to wake as yet
undiscovered mollucs at the pit-bottom of
Oskar (16 let)
Souţení poslední hodiny bylo
nepředstavitelně strašné. Obě semetriky
z rodu Battleových, jmenovitě strašlivá
matka a ohavná dcera, na sebe ječely
obzvláště vytrvale, ţe by to probudilo
i stále neobjevené měkkýše ţijící na
17
the ocean‟s silty depths. I have mastered
the art of ear-fugging – the application of
twisted curls of wet kitchen paper
administered to the inner ears. One would
imagine this would provide a merciful
relief. Yet still, their damnable harpy
squawking prevails. What unlovely
wretches they prove themselves to be,
abandoning all vestiges of class and style,
allowing the vulgarity of their lower-
middle-class shackles to triumph. How
very very very disappointed I am in both
of them. It is so extremely tiresome.
samotném dně nejhlubšího oceánu. Pro
tuto příleţitost jsem si byl nucen osvojit
umění uchotěsnění – jedná se o zavedení
kouskŧ stočené vlhké papírové utěrky do
vnitřního ucha. Jeden by si pomyslel, ţe se
dostaví slastná úleva. Avšak bohuţel,
zpropadené semetrikářské hašteření stále
vítězí. Jaké to nepřívětivé a ubohé ţenštiny
opomínající známky stylu a noblesy
nechávají zvítězit sprostotu jejich nízkého
pŧvodu.
Jak jsem jejich počínáním velice převelice
zklamán. Vskutku k uzoufání.
For God‟s sake, I spent two whole hours
in that pub separated from the husbands,
being forced to listen to the merits of
turkey-turning with the wives. Yes, for
easily the first three minutes, I was
genuinely engaged in the science of it all -
of course the juices of the bird would
move about during the cooking, into the
fattier parts of the corpse, especially the
breast, and yes I acknowledge that rotating
the beast might be advantageous and
possibly tastier. Frankly that was an extent
Paneboţe, strávila jsem dvě
hodinyv narvaný hospodě mimo dosah
manţela a byla jsem donucena si
vyslechnout výhody otáčení krocana
s ostatníma ţenuškama. Ano, první tři
minuty byly v pohodě a celá věda kolem
krocana mě zajímala. Samozřejmě, během
pečení se šťávy postupně uvolňují
a dostávají se do více tučnějších částí,
hlavně do prsíček. A ano, uznávám, ţe
otáčení tý bestie je asi výhodnější a masu
dodá lepší chuť. Potud sahal mŧj upřímnej
18
of my interest. But no, there were another
117 minutes of fowl-cooking minutiae to
endure. As Karen blathered on incessantly
about basters and thermometers and
convection cookers and marinating and
stuffing and blah and blah, my mind
wandered, but for the sake of neighbourly
relations I skilfully fixed my gaze on her
happy, overactive mouth and kept
a convincing stream of responsive
listening noises coming.
Whilst I was trapped in turkey hell with
the heifers of our local, Husband was, of
course, at the bar with the bullocks,
lowing and chewing on their smutty
Christmas anecdotes. As if there is
anything remotely saucy about Christmas.
There isn‟t, but they managed to make
disgusting grunting noises all evening as if
they were at Spearmint Rhino where
discussing women in salacious terms is
expected.
zájem o věc. Ale ne, ono se o pečení
muselo kecat ještě další dvě hodiny. Karen
neustále mlela o stříkačkách na podlévání,
termometru a marinádách a nádivkách
a nějakým spešl nádobí, kde pečete bez
pouţití oleje. Bla bla bla. Duchem jsem
byla úplně mimo, ale kvŧli zachování
dobrých sousedských vztahŧ jsem se
zadívala na její hyperaktivní pusu a občas
vyloudila jakýsi zvuky na znamení
souhlasu.
Zatímco jsem byla polapená v krocaním
pekle s místníma slepicema, Manţel byl na
baru s kohoutama a společně se tam
naparovali a předhazovali si oplzlý vánoční
vtipy. Jako kdyby snad bylo něco peprnýho
na Vánocích. Jasně ţe není, ale oni po celej
večer zvládli s bravurou sobě vlastní
vydávat nechutný chrochtící zvuky, jak
kdyby byli v nějakým tuctovým bordelu,
kde se se to bez oplzlostí zřejmě neobejde.
Husband regularly drinks with „the G-
team‟ as he calls them. He doesn‟t worry
whether or not they are suitable as his
Manţel pravidelně pije s G- týmem, jak se
nazývaj. Vŧbec si neláme hlavu, jestli jsou
to kamarádi, nebo ne. Prostě tam jsou,
19
friends. They are there, so they will do.
How curious. The idea that people you
chance upon in a pub become a cohesive,
supportive group of compares, united in
the pursuit of a nightly pint of Guinness
(hence the G-team).
As we sang „Auld Lang Syne‟ and saluted
the midnight moment with loud cheers and
I was forced to clamp hands with
a particularly limp, waxen chap with
unfeasibly long fingers, who had just
emerged from the Gents and who I knew
perfectly well hadn‟t washed his hands, it
dawned on me that I will not allow this to
happen again next year.
a tostačí. Zajímavý, jak se z lidí, který
potkáte v hospodě, mŧţe stát soudrţná
fungující jednotka scházející se za účelem
večerního pŧllitru Guinesse (od toho
G-tým).
Kdyţ jsme zpívali „Narodil se Kristus
Pán“ a slavili příchod novýho roku
hlasitými ovacemi, byla jsem donucena si
potřást s celkem výrazně pobledlým
a společensky unaveným chlápkem
s nemoţně dlouhými prsty, kterej se zrovna
vypotácel ze záchodkŧ a bylo více neţ
jasný, ţe si neumyl ruce. V tu chvíli jsem
se zařekla, ţe nedovolím, aby se to příští
rok znovu opakovalo.
There are important issues I must address
this year.
I must be thinner.
I must be in a better relationship with
Dora and she must respect me.
I must tackle Peter‟s constant insistence
that he is in some way channelling Oscar
Wilde. It was an amusing family joke two
years ago, but now I am finding it
worrisome.
Pár dŧleţitých věcí, který musím tenhle
rok splnit.
Musím zhubnout.
Musím líp vycházet s Dorou a ona mě
musí respektovat.
Musím přijít na kloub Petrově utkvělý
představě, ţe je Oscar Wilde. Před dvěma
roky jsme se tomu doma smáli, ale teď uţ
nám to moc vtipný nepřipadá.
20
I must be further along with my book, and
I must have a title for it. What would be
a good title for a self-help book for parents
of teenagers? Two possible ideas at the
moment under consideration: 1. Whatever!
and 2. Teenagers: The Manual. Hmm.
Think the exclamation mark on the first
suggestion might preclude it from being
a serious contender.
Finally, I must give some serious thought
to my fiftieth birthday in October. Can‟t
decide whether to celebrate or hide in
a deep cave. Not denial exactly, but maybe
I could just ignore it…?
Musím pokročit s psaním knihy a musím
pro ni vymyslet název. Jak by se tak mohla
jmenovat kníţka pro rodiče, která by jim
měla poradit jak na teenagery?
Momentálně se rozhoduju mezi dvěma
moţnýma kandidátama: 1. To neřešte!
a 2. Manuál na teenagery. No. Řekla bych,
ţe vykřičník v prvním případě moc na
váţnosti nepřidává.
A konečně, musím se váţně zamyslet, jak
to udělám v říjnu s mýma padesátinama,
protoţe se nemŧţu rozhodnout, jestli to
slavit, nebo se radši zahrabat hluboko pod
zem. Ne, ţe bych si nechtěla přiznat, kolik
mi je, jen bych ten den prostě ignorovala…
I feel frumpy and unbeautiful, and cross,
all the time. Could be the menopause.
Mind you, I think there is still a bit of
Southern Comfort coursing through my
veins from last night.
Neustále se cítím jak ohyzdnej a večně
přinasranej hastroš, coţ by mohly bejt
první známky menopauzy. Ale pozor,
myslím, ţe mám v krvi ještě pořád trochu
whiskey ze včerejška.
Shame that there was actually some hair of
our actual dog in the disgustingly dirty
glass which Dora hadn‟t even bothered to
wash out before she put it back on the
shelf.
Jen mě teda doţralo, ţe na pěkně
zaprasený skleničce, kterou se Dora ani
neobtěţovala umejt a rovnou ji šoupla do
kredence, zŧstalo pár zaschlých chlupŧ
z našeho psa.
21
Oh, and that reminds me, the other
member of the family I must pay attention
to this year is… Poo. Absolutely must get
her spayed. This is the eighth year I‟ve
forgotten. Wonder if the vet would agree
to do Dora at the same time…?
Jo, a to mi připomíná, ještě je tu jeden člen
rodiny, o kterýho se tenhle rok musím
postarat… Bobina.
Musím ji nechat vykastrovat. Uţ osm let
na to zapomínám. Tak mě napadlo, jestli
by veterinář nemohl vzít rovnou i Doru?
Fact. Sam Tyler is a cockheaded gitshit,
a twatwanker, a coward and a gay. I can‟t
believe I actually went actually out with
him, how embarrassing. On top of it all, he
is so rank, like, a total minger. Lottie
always said he‟s like well below me and
she‟s like so right. Why didn‟t I listen to
her? I thought she was jealous! Of what?
Of me going out with the biggest mong in
Berkshire? – doubt it.
Fakt. Sam Tyler je pičus pičusovatej,
čuromrd, srab a teplouš. Fakt nechápu, jak
jsem s ním mohla chodit. Trapas!
Aby toho nebylo málo, je to nechut
nechutnej a totální hybroid. Lottie mi
věčně opakovala, ţe mi nešahá ani
po kotníky, a v tom měla pravdu jako. Proč
jsem ji neposlouchala? A to jsem si
myslela, ţe ţárlí! Na co asi? Na mý
randíčka s největším retardem v celým
Berkshiru? Asi těţko.
Now at least I can admit how much his
little twig legs always freaked me out and
how disgusting his teeth are because he
hasn‟t properly brushed them since he was
two or something and how his stubbly
little moustache which he so believes
makes him look like Zac Efron, so
doesn‟t.
Aspoň si teď mŧţu přiznat, ţe mě děsily
jeho krátký kostnatý nohy a ţe měl hnusný
nechutný zuby, páč si je naposledy čistil
tak před dvanácti lety. A jak hrdě nosil
těch pár chlupŧ na bradě, kterým říkal
strniště, aještě byl děsně přesvědčenej, ţe
vypadá jak Zac Efron z Muzikálu ze
střední. Leda hovno.
22
Families are a frightful inconvenience,
true, but nowadays we are too hasty to
dismiss them.
Rodiny dovedou člověku zpŧsobit mnoho
nepříjemností, to je pravda, ale dnešní
doba je příliš uspěchaná, abychom jim dali
vale.
I offered her the benefit of my company
this New Year‟s Eve, but informed her
that as of midnight I should much like to
insist that she refer to me as Master Oscar
at all times. For that is whom I am, and
I can‟t stress enough the importance of
being Oscar.
Nabídl jsem jí svou velectěnou přítomnost
na Silvestrovský večer, ale bylo zároveň
mou povinností ji upozornit, aby mne
oslovovala výhradně Pane Oskare. Jelikoţ
to jsem já a nemohu ani vypovědět, jak je
dŧleţité míti Oskara.
I am accustomed to dullards, Lord knows
I am surrounded by them daily in my
family, but the awful Janice takes the
biscuit.
Jsem jiţ zvyklý na nekňuby a Bŧh mi
dosvědčí, ţe se s nimi doma potýkám
kaţdý den, avšak ohavná Janice předčila
nejhorší očekávání.
Oh my complete and utter God. Mum is
like a constant noise. She says the same
things over and over again so much, that
in the end, I can‟t even like hear her. She
sounds like that noise you get when you‟re
trying to tune the radio and you haven‟t
got to a channel yet.
Paneboţe na nebi! Matka snad nikdy
nezavře hubu. Pořád omílá ty samý kecy
furt dokola, aţ jsem jí nakonec přestala
vnímat. Zní přesně jako ten pisklavej zvuk,
kdyţ se snaţíte naladit rádio a najít
nějakou stanici.
„Dora! Open this door immediately! I have
been talking through it now for forty-five
minutes! If you don‟t shitting wake up and
„Doro! Okamţitě otevři dveře! Uţ tady
stojím skoro hodinu! Jestli se ihned
neprobereš a neuvědomíš si, ţe ti
23
realize that your cracking future is slipping
away with every cocking second that you
don‟t get that personal statement finished,
you should expect to spend your fecking
useless life walking around in Oxford
Street, with those massive boards on you
telling everyone where the endless arseing
golf sale is. Yes, that is your future!‟
This apparently is only my option!
And she doesn‟t even know how to write
the bloody statement anyway. The last
time she had to write something like this
was SHE went to uni, which was in the
last bloody century for God‟s sake, over
seventy years ago or something. She
probably just wrote „I, Maureen‟…
something… Don‟t know what her name
was before she married Dad… „I Maureen
Boring-Hair, do intend to attend this
university of great learning so that I may
learn all I need to know about being a crap
shrink so I can tell everyone how to live,
and boss them all about and convince
them I‟m cleverer than them, and charge
them a bloody fortune and they can never
budoucnost utíká mezi prsty kaţdou
zatracenou vteřinu, co nemakáš na tý
přihlášce na vejšku, tak počitej s tím, ţe si
tak akorát zkazíš ţivot a skončíš někde na
ulici a bude z tebe velká chodící cedule, co
nabízí nějaký debilní slevy golfových
potřeb. Přesně taková budoucnost tě čeká!“
Jasně, tohle je evidentně moje jediná
moţnost! Ale co, beztak ví kulový, jak
napsat pojebanou přihlášku na vejšku.
Naposled musela něco podobnýho napsat,
kdyţ šla na vejšku, coţ bylo v minulým
století, někdy před sedmdesáti lety nebo
tak nějak a beztak napsala jen „Já,
Maureen“… něco… netušim, jak se
menovala, neţ si vzala tátu… „Já Maureen
Dutohlavová, mám velkej zájem o studium
na Vaší vyhlášený univerzitě. Ráda bych
získala všechny potřebný vědomosti o tom,
jak bejt podělanej psychouš, abych mohla
všem radit, jak výst ţivot, buzerovat
a komandovat lidi a přesvědčovat je, ţe
jsem chytřejší neţ oni, a účtovat si balík
aoni mi nemohli říct ani popel, protoţe
24
tell me I‟m wrong because it‟s not even
a scientifically proven method, and there‟s
no way of checking up on me whether
I know how to like, even on this job
properly atall. My hobbies are: talking,
shouting, screaming, bossing, knowing
best and getting really fat.‟
vědí prd, co je vědecky ověřená metoda
a co ne, a ani za milion let si na mě
nepřijdou.“
Moje koníčky jsou pindání, křičení, řvaní,
buzerování, všeznalectví a tloustnutí.
Everybody in the entire world has got
a computer – except you. Even people in
like mountain caves in Borneo or
something? I learned how to use one when
I was like, a baby for chrissakes! If a baby
can do it, can‟t a trained child
psychologist use one?!
Dad says he is going to get her some stone
and a chisel for her to write her next book
on. I mean, who uses pencil and paper to
write a book? Even bloody Shakespeare
must have had a better method than that. If
the woman who writes Twilight had to do
it with like a bloody pencil, it would take
her like six years or something to write the
first chapter, and I would like die of
waiting. Wake up Mother, please! Wake
up and smell the tea.
Kaţdej na celým světě má počítač,
dokonce i lidi v horských jeskyních kdesi
v zapadlým zapadákově. Kromě tebe. I já
jsem se to naučila, kdyţ jsem byla ještě
mimino, proboha!
A kdyţ se to mŧţe naučit i mimino, mŧţe
snad i trénovanej dětskej psycholog, ne?
Táta povídá, ţe jí pořídí kamenný desky
a majzlík, aby měla jak napsat další
kníţku. Jako kdo v dnešní době pouţívá
papír a tuţku, aby napsal kníţku? To snad
i Shakespeare musel mít lepší techniku neţ
todle. Pokud by ţenská, co píše Twilight,
musela pouţívat blbou tuţku, trvala by jí
první kapitola nějakejch šest let, a to bych
teda jako umřela nedočkavostí. Prosim tě,
matko, prober se!
25
Oh my days, it‟s going to be so great
because there are like so many fit guys out
there? Yea, though I walk into the valley
of hot guys, let me always carry my
camera with me so I can like upload tons
of pics of me getting lashed on to
Facebook so Lottie will die of jealousy.
YAY!
Mŧj ty světe. To bude fakt hustý, páč tam
chodí jako mrtě vypracovanejch borcŧ. Jo,
nakráčím si to přímo do údolŧ sexy
borečkŧ a samozřejmě budu mít pokaţdý
u sebe foťák, abych mohla uploudnout
mrtě fotek na Fejsbŧk, jak budu zbouraná
pod obraz, a Lottie se ukouše závistí. Hurá!
Dora is hell-bent on destroying her life.
Her university application form is beyond
awful. I tried, gently, to offer my help but
of course she is rejecting all aid and
encouragement presently. She has started
the statement with a misguided attempt at
a lonely hearts classified section-type joke
which goes something like „Pretty blonde
girl, 17, with GSOH and own scooter
seeks buzzin‟ uni with top class food tech
department and fit boys for learning, fun
and maybe more…‟ Dear Lord.
She then follows this with the old
chestnut, the dread definition, so it goes:
„I ask What is a university? My trusty
dictionary tells me it is a „high level
educational institution in which student
Dora je skálopevně rozhodnutá, ţe si zničí
ţivot. Její přihláška na vejšku je prostě
otřesná. Opatrně jsem se nabízela, ţe jí
s tím pomŧţu, ale momentálně odmítá
jakoukoli pomoc nebo povzbuzení.
Přihláška začíná rádoby vtipem ve stylu
seznamky v novinách, kde píše něco jako
„Pěkná blondýnka, 17 let, se smyslem pro
humor a vlastním skútrem hledá vejšku,
kde to ţije, s prvotřídním oddělením
potravinový technologie a vypracovanýma
borcema na studium, zábavu a moţná
i něco víc…“ Proboha. Po tomhle
následuje jedno velký klišé v podobě
definice univerzity. Asi takhle: „Ptám se,
co je to univerzita? Mŧj výkladový slovník
říká, ţe to je „tradiční označení vysoké
26
study for degrees and academic research is
done‟. Well, that‟s handy then, because
that‟s exactly what I‟m looking for –
except for the research bit – I won‟t be
doing any of that atall. So hi Manchester
Metropolitan University! I‟m Dora and it
looks like we‟re a match!‟ Oh God.
školy poskytující nejvyšší stupeň vzdělání
v rozmanitých oborech a kde pro získání
titulu je nutné provést akademický
výzkum‟. Tak to se hodí, protoţe to je
přesně to, co hledám, aţ na ten výzkum.
Ten teda dělat nehodlám. Takţe tě zdravím
Manchesterská Metropolitní Univerzito!
Jmenuju se Dora a vypadá to, ţe se k sobě
hodíme!“ Proboha.
I will never forget his arse-wrenchingly
awful opening gambit to our previous
receptionist on her first day at work:
„What the hell is the point of heavenly
creature like you wasting your lovely bum
sitting on an office chair behind reception,
when you could be using it to sit on my
lap being adored, eh? Eh?‟
He thought it was ironic and flirty. It
wasn‟t. He thought it was funny. It wasn‟t.
What was funny though, were the rivulets
of muddy-coloured Grecian 2000 hair dye
running down the side of his overexcited
sweaty face.
Ještě mám v ţivý paměti jeho úděsnou
kulervoucí hlášku, kterou prohodil k naší
nový recepční, kdyţ přišla poprvý
do práce: „Ale ale to se podívejme, přece
by taková krásná prdelka nemarnila čas
posedáváním na kancelářský ţidli, kdyţ by
se mohla uvelebit v pohodlí mého klínu,
co? Co?“
Měl pocit, ţe v tu chvíli je největší kaňour,
donchuán a vtipálek století. Nebyl ani
jedno. Co mi teda ale přišlo dost vtipný,
byla jeho přehazovačka z pečlivě
nahoněnejch zbejvajících vlasŧ, která se
mu lepila na upocenej nadrţenej obličej.
Talking of appointments, I must speak to
George about Lisa. She is a poppet and an
Kdyţ uţ je řeč o schŧzkách, musím si
s Georgem promluvit o Lise. Uznávám, ţe
27
excellent receptionist, but I sense by just
how often she now quotes her survival
training techniques to me that her mind is
elsewhere and I fear we may lose her soon
to one of the jungles, deserts or islands she
has been so studiously preparing herself
for. This morning she furnished me, from
behind the desk, in the presence of a full
waiting room, with all I might need to
know when Preparing the Kill in the Wild.
I now know too many details about
Bleeding, Skinning, Gutting and Jointing.
„What is vital, Mo, is never to waste blood
– it is rich in vitamins and minerals
including salt that could be missing
otherwise from a survivor‟s diet. Fakt:
When cannibals drank their enemies‟
blood apparently their eyesight got much
better. Deal with it.‟
to je úţasná holka a skvělá recepční, ale
z toho, jak pořád vykládá o technikách
přeţití v divočině, usuzuju, ţe je duchem
úplně mimo. Trochu se obávám, ţe nám
brzo zdrhne někam do dţungle, pouště
nebo na opuštěnej ostrov, kdyţ vidím, jak
se na to usilovně připravuje. Dneska ráno
na recepci mě totálně odrovnala, kdyţ mi
začala před narvanou čekárnou vypravovat,
co všechno musím vědět, neţ se vydám na
lov do divočiny. Takţe teď jsem
dopodrobna obeznámena s chuťovkama
typu jak nechat mrtvolu zvířete vykrvácet,
stáhnout z kŧţe, vydlabat vnitřnosti
a odsekat končetiny.
„Mo, pamatuj si, ţe nejdŧleţitějš je
nevyhazovat krev, páč je plná vitamínŧ,
minerálŧ a solí, coţ je v divočině
nedostatkový zboţí. Ne nadarmo se říká,
ţe kdyţ kanibalové vypijou krev svých
obětí, jejich zrak se výrazně zlepší. Tak to
prostě je.“
I must find a suitable tailor. I must. I am
not well pleased with the pathetically
paltry style offerings of Pangbourne nor
Musím se poohlédnout po vhodném
krejčím, coţ se zdá být nevyhnutelné.
Nejsem příliš nadšen z mizérie, kterou
28
indeed of Wokingham and God forbid
I should be forced to descent into the
ultimate cultural abyss: Reading, a large
town, the capital of Hell.
nabízí Pangbourne a Wokingham a Bŧh
chraň, abych byl nucen klesnout aţ na
samé dno kulturního barbarství města
Readingu, hlavního města Pekla
a Zatracení.
Last week I attempted to purchase
a simple cravat. I might as well have
attempted to procure the soul of the Dalai
Lama, it was so impossible.
Minulý týden jsem se pokoušel zakoupit si
docela obyčejnou kravatu, coţ se ukázalo
úkolem zcela nemoţným, stejně jako
kdybych se pokoušel sehnat duši
Dalajlámy.
… the widespread infection known as the
„hoodie‟ has undoubtedly destroyed acres
of taste on our currently crippled culture
of couture.
… rozsáhlá epidemie známá coby „mikina
s kapucí“ nepochybně zabila vkus
v současně pokřivené kultuře módního
návrhářství.
Lottie says I can, really, sing, better than
anyone on American Idol and like loads
better than bloody Susan Boyle. Who is
she?! I know it sounds like totaly random
but I‟ve had an idea and I really really
think I‟m going to do it and that is, to go
up for X Factor.
Lottie povídá, ţe fakt zpívám líp neţ
kdokoli v soutěţi Americkej Idol a o mrtě
líp neţ nějaká Susan Boyle. Kdo to sakra
je?! Vím, ţe to zní trochu jako klišé, ale
napadlo mě a myslim, ţe to fakt udělám,
přihlásit se do soutěţe X Faktor.
We agreed that one should never wear
brown in town, that it would be outré so to
do. We also discussed the merits of the
correct titfer for each season. When to
Shodli jsme se, ţe hnědá barva by měla být
ve měste zakázána a ţe by to byl vskutku
bizarní počin. Také jsme prodiskutovali
moţnosti vhodné pokrývky hlavy pro
29
choose a Panama, a Homburg or a simple
Fez? Which is exactly le chapeau juste?
kaţdou sezonu. Kdy je kupříkladu
nejpříhodnější doba pro cylindr, buřinku
nebo obyčejný slamák? Který z nich
smíme nazývat le chapeu juste?
During this wretched illness, the family
really have had to help out. Headed by
Husband, they have taken it in turns to
bring a well-laid tray with a paper doily
and a flower in a vase to accompany
a plate of garibaldis and some cold, ready-
to-eat prawns from M&S, which he
perceives to be the height of
sophistication, „the fruit of the sea‟. He
reliably informs me that the oil in fish is
beneficial for my hair, nails and most
importantly, my IQ.
Během mizerný nemoci se musela zapojit
celá rodina a pomáhat. V čele s Manţelem
se střídali a nosili mi pěkně prostřený tác
s papírovým ubrouskem, květinou ve váze,
talířkem rybízových sušenek
a vychladlými krevetami z Tesca alias
plody moře, který povaţuje za známku
nejvyšší dŧmyslnosti, jen se do nich
zakousnout. Taky mě neopomněl
informovat o prospěšnosti rybího oleje,
kterej má blahodárný účinky na moje
vlasy, nehty a především na moji
inteligenci.
Dora came in last night with some prawns
crisps (what is it with my kids and
prawns?) and cheese string she has bought
with her allowance. I was so touched.
Remarkably, we very nearly had
a conversation, for the first time in the
recent memory. She sat on the bed, and
although she couldn‟t exactly look at me,
Minulou noc přišla Dora za mnou do
pokoje a v ruce drţela krevetový chipsy
(co pořád maj s těma krevetama?)
a korbačíky, který si koupila z kapesnýho.
Dojalo mě to. Málem jsme si i povídali,
poprvé po dlouhý době. Fakt neuvěřitelný.
Seděla na posteli, a i kdyţ se tak úplně
nedívala mým směrem, odpověděla na
30
she answered my questions about her day.
Grumpy, massive, monosyllabic answers,
admittedly, but answers nevertheless:
Me: Good day?
Her: OK.
Me: What did you do?
Her: Learning.
Me: Learning what?
Her: Stuff.
Me: What stuff?
Her: Stuff stuff.
Me: How‟s Lottie?
Her: OK.
Me: How are you?
Her: Same.
Me: Worried about anything?
Her: Yeah.
Me: Want to tell me?
Her: No.
Me: Want me to shut up?
Her: Yeah.
This is a seismic step forward.
všechny moje otázky. Připouštím, ţe
odpovídala převáţně jednoslovně a nevrle,
místy aţ podráţděně, ale jako odpovědi to
beru.
Já: Jakej jsi měla den?
Ona: Pohoda.
Já: Co jsi dělala?
Ona: Učila se.
Já: A co ses učila?
Ona: Rŧzně.
Já: Jak rŧzně?
Ona: Tak rŧzně.
Já: Jak se má Lottie ?
Ona: Pohoda.
Já: A co ty?
Ona: Taky.
Já: Trápí tě něco?
Ona: Jo.
Já: Nechceš mi to říct?
Ona: Ne.
Já: Chceš, abych byla zticha?
Ona: Jo.
Neuvěřitelnej krok kupředu.
I‟m bloody fed up of explaining it over
and over again. Listen up, sucker –
Fakt mě pěkně sere, jak to musím neustále
dokolečka opakovat. Poslouchej ty blbko –
31
I HAVE TO HAVE THIS HAIR!! If you
have brown curly hair at my bloody
motherarseing school, NOBODY likes
bloody talks to you. End of.
JÁ MUSÍM JÍT K HOLIČI!! Jak máš na
mojí zajebaný škole hnědý kudrnatý vlasy,
NIKDO se s tebou nehodlá bavit. Tečka.
And stop calling me a „wannabe plastic‟.
I‟M NOT a plastic.
A přestaň mi říkat „rádoby Barbína“. Já
NEJSEM Barbína.
Who would have thought that a simple
mistake could prove to be the portal to my
personal nirvana? Who could have
predicted that anything so very wondrous
could possibly occur on Thursday?
Kdo by si pomyslel, jak se jednoduché
nedopatření mŧţe obrátit ve stav nejvyšší
blaţenosti? Kdo mohl tušit, ţe něco tak
impozantního se mohlo přihodit právě
v úterý?
Break time is, after all, my only chance to
convene with The Enchantings. What‟s
that, I hear you cry, dear darling diary?
„Who are The Enchantings?‟ Well now,
since The Enchantings are an exclusive,
secret and elite band of brothers.
Koneckoncŧ, přestávka se zdá být jedinou
příleţitostí ke schŧzce s Klubem Elegánŧ.
Ptáš se, mŧj milovaný deníčku, o co se
jedná? Kdo jsou Elegáni? Nuţe, Klub
Elegánŧ je exkluzivní, tajné a elitní
shromáţdění bratrstva.
But pray, keep it to yourself do, for the
very moto of The Enchantings is „semper
arcanus‟ which denotes that we should
never speak of it or otherwise perish for
ever.
Uctivě tě však prosím, nechej si to pro
sebe, neboť heslo Elegánŧ „semper
arcanus“ nás nabádá k mlčenlivosti
a pokud bychom se pouhým slŧvkem
zmínili, dostane se nám věčného zatracení.
I am the chairman. Roddy Hargreaves in Já jsem předseda. Roddy Hargreaves
32
my year is the vice chairman and Wilson
from Year 9 is also a member. Roddy
brings to our merry table his extraordinary
knowledge of musical theatre and his
affable wit along with his ability to play
the pianoforte. Wilson gain admittance by
dint of only one qualification – his
ravishing good looks. He appears to have
been plopped into Year 9 directly from
heaven. Surely one so beautiful can‟t
possibly have been created from mere
mortal homo sapiens? Angels must have
been involved in the manufacture of him
somewhere along the line.
I, of course, bring me. We all agree, that
alone is more than sufficient.
z ročníku je místopředseda a dalším
členem je Wilson z devítky. Roddy nás
oblaţuje výjimečnou znalostí muzikálŧ,
vytříbeným úsudkem a hrou na fortepiano.
Wilson byl vybrán na základě jediného
předpokladu – nebesky úchvatného
vzhledu. Jistojistě musel sestoupit do
devátého ročníku přímo z nebes, jelikoţ je
nad slunce jasné, ţe někoho tak
okouzlujícího nemohli stvořit
prachobyčejní smrtelníci z rodu Homo
Sapiens, ale samotní andělé.
A já jsem do klubu přispěl svou maličkostí,
coţ je, jak jsme se jednohlasně shodli, více
neţ dostačující.
Our typical rendezvous consists of
a password (usually the name of the most
enchanting person in the news that week)
followed by a fifteen-minute conversation
concerning all that enchant us. At the end,
we swear allegiance to Aphrodité, the
most enchanting of all the ancient
goddesses, give each other a little kiss, and
hasten off to class.
Před našimi běţnými dostaveníčky si
určíme heslo (obvykle jméno
nejelegantnější osoby v médiích toho
týdne) a poté následuje patnáctiminutová
rozprava o všem, co nás uchvacuje.
Nakonec všichni přísaháme věrnost
Afrodité, jedné z nejpŧvabnějších
antických bohyň, krátce se políbíme na obě
tváře a pospícháme do třídy.
33
I regularly log on to question Google
about who might be deemed Enchanting –
on more than occasion, its most popular
suggestion has been someone named Paris
Hilton. I think not.
Pravidelně se loguji na počítač a na Googlu
hledám někoho, kdo je shledán pŧvabným
a elegantním. Našeptávač mi uţ několikrát
navrhl jakousi Paris Hilton, o čemţ tedy
vysoce pochybuji.
Owing to Mother‟s ill health this week,
and her lack of technological expertise,
Ditzy Dora and I have agreed to
alternately collect various work folders to
bring home to her during her confinement.
Today was my turn. It was clearly
specified to me at breakfast by the Pater
who requested that I drop by her office
after school for just such a purpose, which
I dutifully did, only to find Dozy Dora
already ensconced in the reception area
and mistakenly receiving aforementioned
files. Is it possible that a mortal can live,
breathe, walk and talk without the benefit
of a brain? If so, Dumpy Dora really is
a staggering example.
V dŧsledku matčiny nemoci, která ji souţí
uţ týden, a nedostatečné kvalifikaci
v oblasti technologie jsem se domluvil
s Dutou Dorou, ţe se budeme střídat ve
vyzvedávání pracovních sloţek během
rekonvalescence. Dnes jsem byl na řadě já.
Tento úkol mi byl zcela jasně specifikován
během snídaně, kdy mě otec poţádal, ať se
zastavím po škole do kanceláře, coţ jsem
samozřejmě měl v úmyslu udělat. Jakmile
jsem však vešel do budovy, uzřel jsem
Vydlabanou Doru, jak se opírá o recepční
pult a přebírá jiţ zmíněné sloţky. Je ku
podivu, jak něktěří ţíjící tvorové dýchají,
chodí a mluví, aniţ by vŧbec pouţívali
mozek. Dutohlav Dora je toho zářným
příkladem.
Oh my actual God. My brother is a mega
moron. Mum says he‟s eccentric or
something and it‟s like just a phase, but
Ó mŧj Boţe. Mŧj bratr je mega kretén.
Matka tvrdí, ţe je jen výstřední nebo tak
nějak a ţe to je jen jedna z etap jeho ţivota.
34
how embarrassing is he? I can‟t believe
we are related. Especially today. He went
off on a big one about who had to collect
Mum‟s files from work, whose turn it is.
Idiot. Then, when the new guy was giving
them to us, he just stood there like a silent
mong and didn‟t say a bloody like word!
Thanks, Pete, like leave me to do all the
talking, and the guy was just trying to be
nice.
He‟s Australian or something – looks and
sounds like that old Crocodile Dundee
bloke.
He said, „Wow, you‟re so tall! I didn‟t
expect that in England, don‟t know why.‟
What did he expect? Midgets? Like from
Victorian times or something?
„Is your Mum tall too?‟
Peter didn‟t answer, didn‟t speak atall, just
stared at him like bloody goldfish, so I had
to say.
„Yes, she‟s very tall. As tall as a block of
flats.‟
Luckily he laughed, coz Mum said to be
friendly coz she has to work with him for
Ale on je normální trapák a nemŧţu
pochopit, ţe jsme příbuzný. Zvlášť dneska.
Ten idiot začal mega krutě vyšilovat
a hádat se, na kom je řada s vyzvedáváním
matčiných sloţek z práce. A pak, kdyţ nám
je nějakej novej chlápek předával, ten
pablb tam stál jak pařez a neřek ani pŧl
slova. Díky ti bratře, ţes to všechno
mluvení hodil na mě. Přitom ten novej se
jen snaţil bejt milej.
Je prej někde z Austrálie nebo co a taky
vypadá a mluví jak ten chlápek Krokodýl
Dundee, jak hrál ve filmech.
Povídá: „Páni, vy jste ale vysoká! Nevím
proč, ale vŧbec bych to do Angličanŧ
neřekl.“
A co jako čekal? Pidilidi z nějaký
Viktoriánský doby nebo co?
„Je vaše maminka taky tak vysoká?“
Petr neodpovídal a nedělal lautr nic, jen na
něj oněměle čumel jak ryba, takţe to zase
bylo na mně.
„Jojo, je hodně vysoká. Asi jako panelák.“
35
the next year or something.
Sam always stood up for injustice, that‟s
one of the reasons I like totally fell for
him, even though Kitty Cook, the head
plastic in my year, said he was a troll-boy.
She doesn‟t know him like me though
because all she cares about right, is what
somebody like looks like. How shallow is
that? Mind you, she is a plastic and that is
the first rule of a plastic – you must be
shallow.
Sam vţdycky bránil slabší, kdyţ je někdo
šikanoval, coţ bylo jedním z dŧvodŧ, proč
jsem se do něj zbláznila, i kdyţ Kitty
Cooková, největší bárbína z ročníku, ho
označila za váguse. Ale ona ho vŧbec
nezná, páč jediný, o co se stará, je, jak kdo
vypadá. To je tak povrchní! A vŧbec,
vţdyť je bárbína a první pravidlo bárbín
zní: Musíte být povrchní.
Husband made a spectacular hot toddy
incorporating cloves and malt whisky,
which did the trick and I was just nodding
off… when Dora came in to start what has
now become a regular occurrence, the
nightly battle.
I think she is still feeling raw about what
happened with the boyfriend at New Year,
but that isn‟t what she discusses. She
opened this particular night‟s hostilities
with a rant about the need for even more
highlights in her already utterly ruined
hair and then she accused me of
patronizing her by telling her the other day
Manţel mi dnes uvařil vynikající horkej
grog s hřebíčkem a whisky, coţ jsem
přesně před usnutím potřebovala… A kdyţ
uţ jsem skoro zabírala, nakráčela do
loţnice Dora a naše pravidelná noční
hádka mohla začít.
Mám dojem, ţe se stále trápí rozchodem
s tím klukem na Silvestra, o čemţ se
samozřejmě bavit nehodlá. Dnešní slovní
přestřelka začala hysterickým řevem a tím,
jak strašně potřebuje ještě víc melírŧ do uţ
takhle dost zničených vlasŧ. Pak mě
nařkla, ţe jsem pokrytec, kdyţ jsem se jí
onehdá snaţila přesvědčit o tom, ţe je to
36
how beautiful I think she is.
„I absolutely need those bloody highlights.
They‟re the only things that take people‟s
eyes away from all the other stuff that‟s so
disgusting. Look at my legs, they‟re gross!
I‟m just, like so revolting. I‟m so fat. Look
at my bloody hips. It‟s like I‟m wearing
someone else‟s hips on top of my own
hips. And my arms! Oh my God they are
so rank, they look like meat or something.
And my feet. Just look. They‟re not feet,
they are like two slabs of trifle. Not
trifle… I mean bloody cow‟s guts…what‟s
it called? Offal! Two slabs of slimy offal.
With nails. Urgh!‟
If you can‟t see how disgusting I am, you
must be like blind, deaf and dumb or
something? And if you‟re not any of
those, you must have noticed what
a deformed bloody wretch I am, so you are
actually just a big fat liar to be telling me
the opposite aren‟t you?
hezká holka.
„Já ty podělaný melíry fakt potřebuju, páč
to je to jediný, co donutí lidi, aby přestali
čumět na mý tělo, který uţ je tak dost
nechutný. Jen se podívej na moje nohy,
vţdyť jsou jak vypasený buřty! Jsem jako
fakt odporná. A tlustá. Dívej na mý debilní
boky. To je, jak kdybych si vzala něčí jiný
špekatý boky a připlácla si je na svoje.
A ty paţe jsou do nebe volající! Vypadaj
a třesou se jak sulc! A ty nohy. Jen se na
ně podívej. Jak dva kusy pudinku. Ne
pudinku… myslim kravský střeva, jak se
tomu řiká? Vnitřnosti! Dvě tlustý fošny
z kravských vnitřností a ještě s nehtama!
Fuj!“
Jestli nevidíš, jak jsem odporná, tak musíš
bejt slepá, hluchá a blbá k tomu ne?
A pokud teda jako nejseš ani jedno, tak sis
jako musela všimnout, jaká jsem ohyzda.
Takţe seš vlastně pěknej podrazák a srab,
abys přiznala barvu co?
I have no idea what time Husband crept
into the bed, I just know he was there
when I awoke suddenly at about 4am to
Netuším, v kolik hodin se Manţel
dopotácel do postele, jen vím, ţe uţ leţel
vedle mě, kdyţ jsem se najednou probudila
37
hear Dora by the side of my bed sobbing,
„Mummy, Mummy.‟
I put the light on to discover her standing
there, shaking and covered in prawn-
inspired vomit. „I‟ve been sick, Mummy!‟
She was suddenly two years old and in
a flash we were both back then, fifteen-
odd years ago. Husband jumped out of the
bed and automatically went to clean up her
room. I ran a bath with Matey bubbles in,
undressed her, and put her in. I stroke her
hair and sponged her back whilst her
sobbing changed slowly to wailing then
weeping then snivelling then occasional
whimpering and eventually to quiet calm.
asi ve 4 ráno a slyšela Doru, jak mi brečí
u hlavy, „Maminko“, „Maminko.“
Rozsvítila jsem a viděla, jak tam stojí, třese
se a je od hlavy k patě zadělaná od
krevetových zvratkŧ. „Maminko, mně je
hrozně špatně!“ Najednou jsme se ocitli
v době před 15 lety a z ní byla zase malá
dvouletá cácorka. Manţel vyskočil
z postele a mazal zlikvidovat svinčík
v jejím pokoji. Já jsem mezitím napustila
horkou vodu, přidala do ní pěnu, zbavila
Doru poblitýho pyţama a poloţila ji do
vany. Hladila jsem ji po vlasech a houbou
jsem jí jemně omývala záda. Počáteční
brekot se postupem času zmírnil na
občasné vzlyky a fňukání aţ nakonec ustal
úplně.
I dried her and we even managed to giggle
when I covered her in talc with my
fabulous big pink powder puff I had for
Christmas from Husband. We giggled
more when I put her in one of my old
nighties. She looked so tiny in it. Husband
brought sweet tea, and I tucked her back
into her newly made bed and kissed her
Usušila jsem ji a dokonce se mi ji podařilo
rozesmát, kdyţ jsem ji zasypala pudrem
a pouţila k tomu svoji úţasnou obří
rŧţovou houbičku, co jsem dostala od
Manţela k Vánocŧm. Daleko víc jsme se
nasmály, kdyţ jsem ji navlíkla do jedný ze
svých starých nočních košil, ve který se
málem ztratila. Manţel donesl horký čaj,
38
goodnight. společně jsme ji uloţili do nově povlečené
postele a dali jí pusu na dobrou noc.
Am staying in bed today. Dad called
school and they said so long as I did some
of my work at home, it would be all right
and I won‟t get too far behind. The only
really big thing I have to do is compose
a song for Music. Should be easy coz
I like sing songs all the time.
Dneska zŧstávám v posteli. Taťka volal do
školy a prej, ţe pokud si dodělám nějaký
úkoly doma, abych nebyla moc pozadu, tak
je to v klidu. Jedinej mega úkol, co musím
zmáknout na hudebku, je sloţit písničku,
coţ by měla bejt hračka, páč si neustále
něco pobroukávám.
Right good, I‟ve done that so now I can
read the new Heat magazine and maybe
watch Cash in the Attic. Dad is coming
back from work at lunchtime to make me
something and check up on me coz Mum‟s
still ill in bed. Dad asked what I‟d like for
lunch. I said Pop Tarts.
Super, takţe to bychom měli. Teď si mŧţu
v klidu přečíst Cosmogirl nebo se mrknout
na How I met your mother. Taťka se kolem
oběda zastaví doma, aby mě zkontroloval,
kdyţ je matka pořád nemocná, a připraví
mi něco k jídlu. Taky se mě ptal, co bych
ráda k obědu, na coţ jsem mu odpověděla,
ţe chci sušenky.
I went to the mirror to put on my face.
When I started to dab my tinted
moisturizer I realized that I didn‟t entirely
recognize the face staring back at me.
There were enough vestiges of my familiar
face to assure me it was actually me.
But… what were these folds and crevasses
and blotchy red veins and big open pores?
Posadila jsem se k zrcadlu, abych ze sebe
udělala normálního člověka. Při nanášení
tónovacího hydratačního krému jsem si
však uvědomila, ţe se na mě ze zrcadla
dívá neznámá osoba. Všimla jsem si ale
několika znakŧ, který mě utvrdily, ţe jsem
to fakt já. Ale kde se vzaly ty záhyby
a trhliny a popraskaný červený ţilky
39
a ohromný póry?
Today, she was wearing combat trousers,
hiking boots and a short-sleeved beige
shirt. She looked like a keen junior staff
member at a safari park. Nothing about her
says „I‟m the receptionist – welcome –
how can I help you?‟ Everything about her
says „If you provoke me in any way, I will
attack you with my alarming teeth and
I will eat you.‟
Dneska měla na sobě maskáče, pohorky
a béţový triko s rukávem a vypadala jak
nadšený prŧvodce safari parkem. V ţivotě
byste neřekli, ţe od ní uslyšíte „Vítejte, já
jsem recepční, jak vám mohu pomoci?“
Naopak, celá její osobnost jako by říkala
„Pokud byste mě chtěli vytáčet, pŧjdu vám
po krku a seţeru vás.“
In the meantime I‟m going to spend an
exorbitant £80 on a miracle cream which
I‟m perfectly aware won‟t work, to try and
grout some of the deeper trenches in my
poor cracking face. It will make me feel
better to spend the money. At least that
way I have activately taken a stand. After
all, I‟m worth it…
Mezitím se chystám vypláznout
neuvěřitelnejch 80 liber za zázračnej krém
proti vráskám, kterej stejně nebude
fungovat, abych se pokusila zahladit rýhy
na polorozpadajícím se obličeji. Aspoň ze
sebe budu mít dobrej pocit a budu si moct
říct, ţe jsem se snaţila s tím něco udělat.
Však jak se to říká? Vy za to stojíte…
I do not eat. I rarely sleep. I merely
breathe. I do not live a life worth living.
I am a husk of my former self.
Vŧbec nejím, nespím a stěţí dýchám.
Nejsem hoden ţít a uţívat si ţivota. Jsem
pouhou slupkou mého dřívějšího já.
Oh, the giddy whirl of it. Noel. One has to
form a kiss to say it. Noel. Oh, I detest
every pointless waking moment where
I am not saying it.
Jaká euforická závrať. Noel. Abych
vyslovil to sladké jméno, musím našpulit
pusu jako při polibku. Noel. Jak
bezvýznamný se zdá být kaţdičký
40
moment, kdy se neprobouzím s jeho
jménem na rtech.
I was looking forward to catching up with
my clients. Most of them cancelled last
week when they discovered I was off.
Uţ jsem se opravdu těšila, jak doţenu
všechny resty s klienty. Většina z nich
minulej týden zrušila sezení, kdyţ zjistili,
ţe jsem nemocná.
We use to call it „DWB‟ at uni. „Different
With Boys‟. We applied it to women who
betray their entire gender by constantly
operating in a submissive, teasing,
coquettish manner, setting us all back by
decades. Those signals which are all
wrong for this particular workplace. For
any workplace – unless it‟s a lap-dancing
club.
Na škole jsme pouţívaly nálepku
„JéeSKá“, coţ znamená „Jiná S Klukama“.
Takhle jsme označovaly holky, co
zrazovaly ţenský pohlaví tím, ţe se
podřizovaly, provokovaly a koketovaly,
jak kdybysme ţily před sto lety. Mám teď
na mysli signály, který se na pracoviště
absolutně nehoděj. Vlastně se nehoděj
nikam - leda tak do bordelu.
She swanned by and gave me a little wave.
„Hi, Maureen, gorgeous to see you!‟ She
was wearing a turquoise low-cut Indian
smock-top with sequins sewn into the
cleavage and white trousers. Perhaps she
believes we are about to launch our
practice as a Mediterranean cruise?
Enough. Shush. Back in the knife drawer,
Mrs Sharp.
Přicupitala ke mně a zamávala.
„Čau, Maureen, moc ráda tě vidím!“ Měla
na sobě tyrkysovou indiánskou halenku
s hlubokým výstřihem a našitýma flitrama
a bílý kalhoty. Snad si nemyslí, ţe
začneme podnikat na zámořským parníku?
Tak dost, buď zticha. Hoď se do klidu,
paní Papulo Prořízlá.
Things I hate about myself: Věci, který na sobě nesnáším:
41
1. Am fat
FAT face, fat nose, fat neck, fat ears, fat
eyes, fat arms, fat hips, fat thighs, the
fattest knees in the whole sixth form, fat
calves, fat feet, fat toes. Only thing not fat
is hair, and that‟s like the only thing
I actually want, is fat hair.
2. Am ugly
Eyes not level and far too small. Scar
above eyebrow from falling off scooter.
Disgusting spots. Dandruff. Teeth uneven
and yellow however much I brush them.
Eight chins. Neck look like a foreskin.
I think. Haven‟t actually ever seen a real
one. Arms look like an old fat retired
wrestler‟s arms. With cellulite all over.
Tits too small and face outwards. Nipples
not even and look like dried apricots.
Could never EVER show them. Torso too
long for the leg length. Really disgusting
middle bits looks like three ugly people‟s
middles sellotaped together. Could never
1. Jsem tlustá
TLUSTEJ obličej, tlustej nos, špekatej krk,
tlustý uši, tlustý oči, tlustý ruce, tlustý
boky, tlustý stehna, nejtlustší kolena z celý
střední, tlustý lejtka, tlustý nohy, tlustý
prsty. Jediný co není tlustý, jsou mý vlasy
a to je tak jediná věc, která by tlustá bejt
mohla.
2. Jsem hnusná
Oči mrňavý a daleko od sebe. Jizva nad
obočím od pádu ze skútra. Odporný
beďary. Lupy. Křivý zaţloutlý zuby
(i přesto, jak je drbu). Osm brad. Krk
pomačkanej jak předkoţka. Aspoň myslim,
ţe tak vypadá. Ruce starýho tlustýho
zápasníka sumo s celulitídou navrch.
Mrňavý kozy trčící dopředu. Bradavky
kaţdá jiná a vypadaj jak uschlý meruňky.
V ţivotě bych je nemohla nikomu ukázat.
Tělo moc dlouhý, nohy moc krátký.
Nechutný špeky na břiše. Zkuste si
představit špeky dalších tří nechutně
42
show. Fanny – like, so revolting. Looks
like I bought it off the deli counter. Can‟t
believe that‟s normal. Too many flaps.
Could NEVER show anyone. Tree trunk
legs with no shape. Shins are weird colour,
spotty red and white. Feet are huge and
more like flippers that feet. Small toe curls
under, hardly there. Hands, fingers, nails –
deformed.
3. Have hair everywhere.
Am like Mexican werewolf-boys.
Eyebrows too thick and each hair too long.
Hair on sides of face like Mr. Darcy. Hair
on top lip. Small thin hair under chin. Hair
in nostrils. Hair under-arms in repulsive
clumps. Small hair on arms. Hair on fanny
– grows sideways and made of iron. Hair
in bum crack! Not much, but there. Oh
God I am vile. Not human. Hair on legs,
full length. Hair on toes. Like hobbits. All
above hair shaved on daily basis with
Dad‟s sharp razor. Mum says to wax but
like can‟t wait that long for it to grow.
Hair all over me. Made of hair.
vyţranejch lidí, slepte je izolačkou
a přidejte na moji horu sádla. V ţivotě to
nikdo neuvidí. Pipina je jako fakt odporná.
To fakt nemŧţe bejt normální mít tam tolik
převisŧ. NIKDY ji nikomu neukáţu. Nohy
jak dva beztvarý špalky. Holeně mají
divnou bílo-červeno poďobanou barvu.
Chodidla nejsou chodidla, ale spíš ploutve.
Malíčky sou vohnutý a skoro nejsou vidět.
Zdeformovaný ruce, prsty a nehty.
3. Jsem chlupatá od hlavy až k patě
Jsem zarostlá jak pračlověk. Mám chlupy
úplně všude. Děsně chlupatý obočí
a kaţdej jednotlivej chlup je navíc extra
dlouhej a chlupatej. Kotlety jak Elvis
Presley. Knírek nad horním rtem. Pár
chloupkŧ na bradě. Chlupy v nose.
Pořádnej drn chlupŧ v podpaţí. Chlupy na
rukou. Chlupy na pipče trčí do strany
a jsou tuhý a nepoddajný. Chlupy mezi
pŧlkama! Sice ne moc, ale stejně. Chlupy
na nohou od břicha po chodidla. Chlupy na
prstech jak hobit. Od kotníkŧ nahoru se
teda denně holím tátovou ţiletkou, ale
43
4. Skin
Dry skin on knees, elbows, scalp, feet.
Oily skin on whole face.
Eczema elbows, knees, back of knees.
Spots – whole face, back.
Scabs – scalp, one on arm, two on legs.
Porridge-cellulite – belly, legs, tops of
arms.
Colour – mostly pale grey-ish or bright
red.
5. Hair on head – normally disgusting
brown and curly.
Has blonde highlights but they look shit
and can‟t afford to get them one as often
as I need so roots grow through and look
sooooo like chavvy. Have clip-in
extensions but they are different colour
and get matted and look wrong. Blonde
dye has made it go all dry so won‟t go
right in the straighteners or in the giant
rollers. Just sits on head and looks like
matka mi radí, ať pouţívám vosk. To tak
a budu čekat milion let, neţ chlupy
narostou do dobrý dýlky, abych se jich
zbavila. Jsem holt jeden velkej chodící
chlup. Paneboţe, jsem fakt odporná.
4. Kůže
Suchá kŧţe na kolenech, loktech, hlavě
a chodidlech. Na obličeji zas jedna velká
mastnota. Ekzemický lokty, kolena a zadní
část kolen.
Beďary- celej ksich, záda.
Strupy na hlavě, jeden na ruce, dva na
nohách.
Celulitída na břiše, nohách a paţích.
Barva většinou našedlá nebo spařeně rudá.
5. Chlupy na hlavě – za normálních
podmínek hnědý a kudrnatý.
Blonďatý melíry, který stojej za hovno, ale
nemám prachy, abych si je nechávala
dodělávat, jak bych potřebovala, takţe mi
odrŧstaj a já pak vypadám jak bezďák.
Mám sice pár nastřelenejch pramenŧ, ale
44
a long dry disgusting hair hat or
something. Can‟t even put it up coz then
you see brown bits underneath. So
completely disgusting that I have to hide it
all under a woolly cap. Conclusion – I am
a vile disgusting Gollum girl. No wonder
I haven‟t got a boyfriend. Even I wouldn‟t
go out with me.
I am hateful.
Hideous.
Ugly.
vypadaj děsně a uţ se tak nelesknou, páč je
peroxidová barva vysušila, takţe je
nemŧţu dost dobře napasovat do
narovnávače nebo natáček. Prostě to
vypadá, jako bych měla na hlavě dlouhý
pochcaný stýbla slámy, který si nemŧţu
ani oddělat, páč by byly vidět odrosty. Jako
je to fakt odporný, takţe to radši zakrejvám
pod vlněnou čepici.
Abychom to shrnuli: Jsem nechutnej
odpornej Golem a je jasný, proč nemám
chlapa. Ani já bych se sebou nešla na
rande.
Jsem škaredka.
Ohyzda.
Hnuska.
Though Mother is a thoroughly good, it
has lately come to my attention that she
may not be best acquainted with a little
friend I like to call „taste‟.
I přestoţe je matka duchaplný jedinec,
nemohl mému zraku uniknout fakt, ţe se
příliš nesblíţila s mým kamarádíčkem,
kterého si dovoluji nazývat “vkus”.
No matter. Have come up with the most
inventive of plans, and poor dear dull
Mama has no inkling of my cunning
Co naplat. Vynasnaţil jsem se a přednesl
jsem jí nejbrilantnější nápady, ale ta
hloupoučká nebohá ţenština nemá vŧbec
45
devices. tušení, co jí mohu nabídnout.
Speaking of dressing, and how to do it
appropriately, today heralded a new low in
Dirty Dora‟s panoply of distasteful attire.
The floozy cretin came into the drawing
room sporting a clinging pink T-shirt,
intended by all accounts for a four-year-
old child. The shape of it was entirely
artless, grabbing viciously at her bosoms,
and displaying her mass of wobbling
stomach flesh. Across her chest was
emblazoned the startling fluorescent logo,
announcing her to be a „Porn Star‟.
Charming. Not only is it sordid, it‟s
supremely inaccurate. Dippy Dora out-
virgin Mary.
Kdyţ uţ mluvíme o oblékání a zásadách,
kterých je v oblasti módy nutno dodrţovat,
dnešní den přinesl jeden z dalších pokleskŧ
v obludáriu ohavných oděvŧ naší Odrbané
Dory. Ta blbka vešla do obýváku
a vystavovala na odiv příliš těsné rŧţové
triko určené na dívenky do 4 let. Střih
naprosto bez nápadu aţ příliš odhaloval
poprsí a masu pod nimi v podobě
překypujících špekŧ. Přes celá prsa se
vyjímal natištěný a silně znepokojivý
blýskavý nápis, který hlásal světu, ţe je
“Porno hvězda”. Vskutku kouzelné. Avšak
tento nápis shledávám velice pobuřujícím
a nesmírně nepřesným, jelikoţ Dutohlav
Dora by nepřekonala svými sexuálními
dostaveníčky ani panenku Marii.
„Admittedly the song is a tiny bit… how
should I put if folks?… erm… bland. Yes,
a bit, generic, with lots of “ooo baby‟s” in
it, like they do, haha, erm, but it certainly
shows promise, so a big whoa for that.
Whoa! Yes, bags of promise…‟
“Řekněme si upřímně, písnička je
trošičku… jak to jen nazvat?… ehm…
nevýrazná. Ano, to je to slovo, trochu
mdlá. Tedy je v ní mnoho výrazŧ “ou
bejby”, jak to tak bývá, ţe, ale jednoznačně
má potenciál, takţe třikrát hurá! Ano, ano,
obrovský potenciál…”
46
Husband and I had a large drink in the pub
afterwards and couldn‟t help laughing all
the way home. Oh Dora. How we love you
in all your splendid naivety.
S Manţelem jsme se pak stavili v hospodě,
abychom to zapili, a po cestě jsme se
pořádně nasmáli. Ach jo, Doro. Ty jsi
někdy taková roztomilá naivka, ale stejně
tě máme rádi.
What a totally amazing day. Just goes to
show you shouldn‟t judge a book by its
title, because I could never EVER of
believed that Nana Pamela was so like,
amazingly amazing. I was only supposed
to be going over there to drop off Poo.
She‟s being spayed tomorrow and Nana
Pamela lives nearest the vet so she‟s
taking her in. Mum wouldn‟t have been
able to deal with it really, she gets so
stress about anything to do with the dog.
What is spaying anyway? I think it‟s
taking her eggs or something so she can‟t
get pregnant. Hope she gets one of those
huge cones they put on dog‟s heads to stop
them licking the stitches. She had one of
those when her leg broke, it was mega
hilarious. Kept banging into furniture and
you could creep up on her from behind
and scare her to death. Sooo funny.
Dneska úplně nejskvělejší den! Zjistila
jsem, ţe jak se říká “Nesuď knihu podle
obalu”, tak to je fakt pravda, páč bych
v ţivotě nevěřila, ţe babi Pamela je tak
úţasňákově úţasná. Měla jsem za úkol se
k ní zastavit a donýst jí Bobinu, páč ji
zejtra budou kastrovat a babi Pamela to má
k veterináři nejblíţ, tak jí veme. Matka by
nebyla schopná se postarat, páč pokaţdý
začne bejt aţ moc hysterická, kdyţ jde
o Bobinu.
Co to vŧbec znamená vykastrovat? Asi ţe
jí vezmou vajíčka nebo tak něco, takţe pak
nebude moct bejt těhotná. Doufám, ţe
dostane takovej ten kornout na hlavu, co
normálně psi dostávaj, aby si nelízali
stehy. Uţ ho jednou měla, kdyţ si zlomila
pacinu, a to bylo mega krutě hustý, páč furt
naráţela do nábytku a my sme se za ní
mohli potichu plíţit zezadu a děsit ji.
47
I wish she wasn‟t getting it done though. It
would be like sooo sweet if she had
puppies, I would like sooo love it. With
their tiny tiny teeth and tiny tiny hot
tongues licking your face.
Taaaaaková prdel.
Stejně bych ale byla radši, kdyby nemusela
jít pod kudlu, páč by bylo faaakt suprový,
kdyby měla štěňátka. To by se mi fakt
líbílo, kdyby mi s těma svýma
mrňavoučkýma horkýma jazýčkama
oblizovali tváře a malinkatýma mini
zoubkama okusovali obličej.
So Poo would give birth to a lot of tiny
poos. Be better if the dad was white or
something, then the puppies would look
more like dogs. I love it when the dog like
so goes with the handbag? Like if the bag
is pinky glittery and the dog coat and
collar too. It‟s sooo great. I know it‟s like
totally plastic to want a mini-dog but
that‟s the only plastics‟ thing I‟m jealous
of.
Bobina by pak mohla porodit spoustu
mrňavých bobíkŧ. Bylo by teda lepší,
kdyby tatínek byl bílej, aby pak ty ňufíci
vypadali víc jako pejskové. Dost ujíţdim
na tom, kdyţ psi laděj s kabelkou. Jako
kdyţ je kabelka rŧţová a s flitrama a pes
má rŧţovej flitrovanej obleček a obojek.
To je taaak úţasný. Vim, ţe pejsci do
kabelky jsou děsně barbínovský, ale to je
jediná věc, kterou jim závidim.
So I just kept talking, all about Sam, and
school, and Lottie and stuff. Then she like
totally gobsmacked me when she said,
„And tell me, sweetie pie, did you bonk
each other?‟ Oh my actual God. Just like
that. What weird word old people say to
make it sound like you‟re not actually
Tak jsem pořád mluvila dokola o Samovi,
škole, Lottie a dalších věcech. Pak mě teda
úplně odrovnala, kdyţ se z ničeho nic
zeptala: “A ještě mi řekni, zlatíčko, uţ jste
spolu trtkali?” Jeţísi Kriste! Prostě to
řekla. Jenom tak. Stejně ale pro to starý lidi
pouţívaj divný výrazy, který zněj jak
48
doing it, you‟re just jumping about or
something. Like Tigger.
Anyway, we just started laughing and it
was really good. And I told her I‟ve never
actually done it and then we just kept
talking about it and she said we should
like play a sort of game where I ask like
ANY questions I like about sex stuff, and
she has to answer really honestly. So it
went like:
ME: OK. How long does sex actually take
to do?
NANA PAMELA: Well, the cuddling and
stuff can take ages but in and out and done
stuff is about five minutes usually. If
you‟re lucky.
ME: Oh my God. I think it took hours.
NANA PAMELA: No hon. Only if you
are Sting and his lovely wife Judy and
even then, most of that is just talk. And
endless awful meaningful staring. I should
imagine.
ME: How do you know if you‟re good at
it?
kdybyste to ani nedělali, ale jenom kolem
toho skákali nebo co. Jako opice.
Kaţdopádně, společně jsme se tomu
zasmály a bylo nám fakt dobře. Přiznala
jsem jí, ţe jsem to vlastně ještě nikdy
nedělala. Pak jsme si o tom vykládalya ona
navrhla zahrát si takovou tu hru na pravdu,
kdy se mŧţu zeptat na JAKOUKOLI
otázku týkající se sexu a věcí kolem toho
a ona mi musí pravdivě odpovědět.
Probíhalo to asi takhle:
JÁ: Dobře, tak jak dlouho to celý vlastně
zabere?
BABI PAMELA: No, mazlení a tak mŧţe
trvat celkem dlouho, ale to hlavní je
obvykle tak na pět minut. Pokud máš štěstí.
JÁ: Bohajeho. Já sem myslela, ţe to trvá
celý hodiny.
BABI PAMELA: Ne, zlato. To bys musela
být zpěvák Sting a jeho manţelka, ale i tak,
spoustu času je jenom ţvanění
a nekonečný velice smysluplný hledění si
do očí. Něco bych o tom měla vědět.
JÁ: Jak poznáš, ţe jsi v tom dobrá?
49
NANA PAMELA: All girls are good at it.
Being a girl automatically means you‟re
good at it.
ME: Does cling film work as well as
a condom?
NANA PAMELA: No, never do that. And
conversely, don‟t keep your sandwiches in
a condom either.
ME: What is a female condom?
NANA PAMELA: A bad idea.
ME: Should you ever let a boy to put his
you know in your bottom?
NANA PAMELA: Entirely up to you, but
personally I think that‟s the exit not the
entrance.
ME: Could it happen that he might wee in
you instead of the other thing?
NANA PAMELA: No. Never. Men have
plumbing that tells them exactly when to
which thing. The only thing that goes
wrong is when their brains mistake car
parks and shop doorways for toilets.
ME: Should you believe him when he says
his ball bags are filling up and it could
back up into his body and poison him or
BABI PAMELA: Všechny holky jsou
v tom dobrý. Uţ jen to, ţe jsi dívka,
znamená, ţe jsi v tom dobrá.
JÁ: Mŧţu pouţít potravinovou fólii místo
kondomu?
BABI PAMELA: Ne, to nikdy nedělej.
A platí to i obráceně. Nikdy si nestrkej
obloţenou housku do kondomu.
JÁ: Co to je ţenskej kondom?
BABI PAMELA: Špatný nápad.
JÁ: Měla bych klukovi dovolit, aby mi
strčil, víš co, do zadku?
BABI PAMELA: To záleţí na tobě, ale
osobně si myslím, ţe by zadek měl být
pouze jednosměrka.
JÁ: Mŧţe se stát, ţe by do tebe načŧral
místo tý jiný věci?
BABI PAMELA: Ne, nikdy. Muţi mají
nářadí, které jim vţdycky řekne přesně,
kdy co dělat. Jedinou chybou je, kdyţ si
jejich mozek zamění parkoviště nebo kanál
za záchod.
JÁ: Měla bych jim věřit, kdyţ říkaj, ţe se
jejich pytlík naplňuje a ţe by se to mohlo
vrátit zpátky do těla a otrávit je, nebo by
50
even just burst if you don‟t help him out?
NANA PAMELA: No. But you could
offer to puncture or lance them with
a sharp implement in order to facilitate
drainage. See what he says then.
ME: When I should say yes to going all
the way?
NANA PAMELA: When that boy is
a beautiful generous spirit who loves you
and cares about how you feel and doesn‟t
pester you to do it before you‟re ready.
When you know he will understand how
golden the moment is, for both of you.
When you can honestly say he‟s a top-
notch fella who thinks you are the cat‟s
pyjamas, and wants to make this moment
matter…
jim prostě explodoval, kdybych jim s tim
nepomohla?
BABI PAMELA: Ne, ale mŧţeš jim zkusit
navrhnout, ţe jim do pytlíku zapíchneš
velmi ostrý nástroj, aby se jim ten
přebytečný tlak uvolnil. Uvidíš, co ti na to
řeknou.
JÁ: Kdybych měla kývnout, abysme to
dělali se vším všudy?
BABI PAMELA: Kdyţ má ten dotyčný
krásnou a upřímnou duši, miluje tě
a zajímájí ho tvé pocity a nenutí tě dělat
nic, na co bys nebyla připravená. A taky
pokud jsi si jistá, ţe bude rozumět, jak je
tento okamţik pro vás oba dŧleţitý. Kdyţ
si mŧţeš upřímně říct, ţe je to ten nejlepší
kluk, který si myslí, ţe jsi nejúţasnější na
světě, a chce, aby to byl pro vás oba
neopakovatelný záţitek…
It is the mark of a gentleman to arrive
upon the scene well groomed and
fragnant. I hoped that a liberal spraying of
the Pater‟s sports deodorant would help to
staunch the underarm flow, and if not, at
least perfume the offending area.
Vhodně zvolený oblek a vŧni povaţuji za
nezbytnosti, kterými by měl disponovat
kaţdý mladý gentleman. Ve skrytu duše
jsem doufal, ţe pouţitím otcova
deodorantu zabráním nadměrnému pocení
v oblasti podpaţní a pokud nic, tak alespoň
51
I splashed some of Pamela‟s lavender
water about my neck and face and tugged
some Bryl-creem through my untruly
shock. I let alone my chin where I am
pleased to note a small but significant
display of hirsute manliness has recently
sprouted. I fancy I cut quite a dash on a
final glance in the broken mirrors.
Unfortunately I had to don the God-awful
blazer to leave school (rule) but all in all, I
knew the effect was pleasing.
The journey to Mama‟s office was
a delight. It might have taken considerably
longer had I been condemned to walk on
the pavement but of course, I had a ticket
to ride on the cloud.
provoním tuto kritickou oblast. Také jsem
si chtěl na krk a obličej naplácat jednu
z Pameliných levandulových toaletních
vod, ale k mému zděšení jsem vymáčkl
jakýsi gel. Na bradu jsem vŧbec nesahal,
jelikoţ jsem byl velice potěšen, ţe v této
oblasti začaly nedávno rašit první známky
muţnosti. Musím říct, ţe poslední pohled
na mou osobnost v zrcadle byl více neţ
pŧsobivý. Avšak k mému zklamání jsem si
musel znovu obléknout to donebevolající
úděsné sako, abych mohl odejít ze školy.
Avšak i přesto jsem si byl jist, ţe výsledek
mého snaţení byl více neţ potěšující.
Při cestě do matčiny kanceláře jsem
proţíval rozkoš, jeţ mohla trvat trochu
déle, kdybych byl nucen jít po chodníku,
ale já se vznášel nad zemí.
Although admittedly a „big‟ fellow, I was
but a wisp, being carried along by the
sweetest of zephyrs. Tumbling, whooshing
even onwards towards my destiny.
Towards Noel.
In less than a fairy‟s tinkle, I was at the
door.
I přesto, ţe jsem urostlý mladý muţ, v tuto
chvíli jsem byl pouhým lístečkem
unášeným nejsvěţejším vánkem, který si
se mnou pohrával a já jsem se mílovými
kroky řítil dál a dál vstříc mému osudu.
Vstříc Noelovi.
Neţ bys řekl švec, stál jsem u dveří.
52
Thus, in order to catch sight of my
beloved, and to allow him to feast his eyes
upon me, I must appear as if out of the
ether, utterly coincidentally, by his side. It
must be supremely casual. Nothing deters
a potential lover so much as the whiff of
desperation. In order to know when he
might be approaching, I needed to be
positioned at the front desk, near Lisa.
This meant concorting numerous reasons
to come out and station myself by her.
I dreamed up endless questions to
preoccupy her, mostly practical requests
and banal enquiries, like:
„Do you enjoy working here?
Or:
„What time did you start this morning?‟
Or:
„That‟s a lovely practical haircut you have
there.‟
But she was soon flagging and in need of
a more fruitful line of enquiry so as to
elicit lengthier stories, thereby allowing
me to tarry awhile longer.
Tudíţ abych mohl zachytit pohled objektu
své touhy a nechat ho popást se na mně
očima, musím se objevit zcela náhodně
jako pára nad hrncem přímo vedle něj a být
naprosto nenucený. Nic tak spolehlivě
neodstraší potencionálního milence jako
náznak zoufalství. Abych nepromeškal
jediný okamţik, kdy by mne mohl spatřit,
postával jsem u recepčního pultíku s Lisou,
coţ znamenalo najít si několik dobrých
záminek, proč dojít k pultíku a zaujmout
strategickou pozici. Vymyslel jsem si tedy
nekonečné mnoţství velice dŧmyslných
a propracovaných praktických dotazŧ.
Takţe to šlo asi takto:
„Máte ráda tuhle práci?“
Nebo:
„Od kolika hodin pracujete?“
Nebo:
„Moc se mi líbí Váš účes. Jistě je velmi
praktický.“
Její pozornost však začala pomalu ale jistě
ochabovat, tudíţ jsem musel přijít
s promyšlenějšími otázkami, aby mi
musela něco povyprávět, coţ mi umoţnilo
53
postávat u pultíku o něco déle.
Quelle horreur! The day was over and not
a moment had been spent with my darling
dreamboat. Terrible – all is terrible! Mama
emerged from her drab room and offered
me a lift home. I was initially reluctant,
because perhaps now, at this moment, at
this last moment, I might catch a glimpse
of him?
Quelle horreur! Den byl téměř u konce a já
nestrávil jediný okamţik s předrahým
objektem mé touhy. Příšerné – jedním
slovem příšerné! Matka se vynořila ze
svojí depresivní šedé kanceláře a nabídla
mi odvoz. Zprvu jsem se zdráhal, jelikoţ
moţná právě teď, v tuto chvíli, v tuto
jedinečnou chvíli bych ho mohl konečně
spatřit.
I have an angry rash on my face from my
allergy to the expensive anti-ageing cream,
AND...The bloody dog is pregnant. It‟s
sod‟s law, isn‟t it? I finally get round to
having her spayed and the vet tells me
this. I did notice she was a bit fatter, but
we‟re all a bit fatter. I‟m fatter and I‟m not
pregnant. Dora‟s fatter and she‟s not
pregnant.
Oh God... Please say she‟s not pregnant!
She‟d tell me if she‟d started having
sex…She couldn‟t possibly have sex
without telling me – could she? And
surely not with that boy – can‟t remember
his name – Ben? Tom? – not with him,
Kvŧli silný alergický reakci na předraţenej
krém proti stárnutí mám teď ksicht jako
jednu velkou vyráţku a NAVÍC… Ten
blbej pes je v jináči. Tomu se říká zákon
schválnosti. Konečně jsem se dokopala
a vzala ho k veterináři vykastrovat
a dozvím se toto. Všimla jsem si, ţe
v poslední době přibrala, ale kdo ne? Já
jsem přibrala a nejsem těhotná. Dora to
samý.
O Boţe, prosím tě, dej, ať není těhotná!
Snad by mi řekla, ţe začala sexuálně ţít…
Snad by neměla sex, aniţ by mi o tom
řekla – nebo jo? Doufám, ţe nespala
s tamtím klukem – jakţe se jmenoval?
54
please. He‟s only two inches tall. Please
tell me she hasn‟t had sex with Tom
Thumb, without telling me?
Ben? Tom? Prosím, s ním ne. Vţdyť to byl
prcek. Boţe, prosím tě, řekni mi, ţe
nespala s tím hobitem, aniţ by mi to řekla?
Had such a weird conversation with Mum.
Sometimes she is like so deranged. She
shouldn‟t be allowed to do her job really,
coz how would people feel if they knew
how nuts shecan be? She‟s supposed to be
the clever one but I swear to God she gets
it so wrong sometimes. Mostly it‟s coz
she‟s such a drama queen.
Dneska jsem měla podivnou řeč s matkou.
Někdy jí fakt hrabe. Vŧbec by jí neměli
dovolit pracovat, páč co by asi lidi dělali,
kdyby věděli, ţe se chová jak magor? Měla
by bejt chytrá jak rádio, ale přísahám
Bohu, ţe jí to fakt někdy leze na mozek.
Většinou hlavně proto, ţe kaţdou kravinu
je schopná hnát do mega obřích rozměrŧ.
Then, out of bloody nowhere, she
suddenly says, „You‟re not pregnant, are
you Dora?‟ Like that. Like a bloody
gunshot or something. The dog is
pregnant, so I must be pregnant? Eh?
What is she talking about? Like somehow
you catch pregnancy off dogs? What is her
bloody planet? And thanks for assuming
I‟m some kind of slut or something. Doing
it all over the place with, like ANYONE.
And thanks for like rubbing my nose in it
just when I‟m feeling so 188% virgin that
no one wants to sleep with me anyway coz
I‟m so bloody fat or something.
A pak se z ničeho nic najednou zeptala,
„Doro, nejseš těhotná, ţe ne?“ Prostě to
takhle na mě vybalila. Si jako myslí, ţe
kdyţ je pes v jináči, tak já musim bejt
taky? Jako fakt? Vo co jí vŧbec de? Ţe
Bobina na mě něco prskne a bum, jsem
v jináči? Vrať se na svoji dutoplanetu!
A mimochodem, dík, ţe si myslíš, ţe jsem
taková rozhoďnoţka, co si vychrápává
s KÝMKOLI na poţádání. Jo, a dík za to,
ţe mi to dáváš seţrat zrovna teď, kdyţ se
cejtim jak nejposlednější panna pod
sluncem, který se kaţdej štítí a nechce s ní
spát, páč je vyţraná jak ţok.
55
Look what she‟s bloody made me do now.
I have to eat like this whole packet of Jaffa
cakes to even feel a tiny bit better. So
thanks Mum, for all your endless belief in
me. Perhaps if you stopped thinking I‟m
a slag, I might actually like myself a bit
more and then I might NOT eat so many
Jaffa cakes? Excuse me. Who is the shrink
now?
Tak se podívejme, k čemu mě zas donutila.
Na zahnání příšerný depky jsem musela
zdávit celý balení bonbošky. Takţe díky ti,
matko, za tvou neskonalou dŧvěru ve mě.
Kdyby sis laskavě přestala myslet, ţe jsem
běhna, moţná bych se měla mnohem radši
a pak bych kvŧli tobě nemusela seţrat tolik
čokošky! Ha! A pak, ţe ty seš jedinej
cvokař v rodině!
We convened at the usual hour, in the
dingle. Today‟s password was „Audrey
Hepburn‟. Hargreaves knew well enough
who she was, but Wilson commenced
a litany of atrocious transgressions by
pronouncing her name to be „Angela
Hopburn‟. What a beautiful fool he
transpires to be. He claimed never to have
heard of her. Thus followed a full fifteen-
minutes briefing on the many attributes of
said Ms Hepburn. Hargreaves employed
words such as: „elegant‟, „tiny‟ and „posh‟.
I rather fancy that I was a jot more
eloquent, parrying with the likes of
„gamine‟, „flawless‟ and „dainty‟.
Sešli jsme se v obvyklou hodinu, v boudě
na praktika. Heslo dne znělo „Audrey
Hepburn“. Hargreaves byl s touto
osobností obeznámen, ale Wilson se
dopustil prohřešku prvního stupně, kdyţ
vyslovil její jméno jako „Angela
Hopburnová“. Jaký to ubohý blázínek.
Dovolil si tvrdit, ţe o ní nikdy v ţivotě
neslyšel. Poté následovala
patnáctiminutová diskuze o významu
a přednostech jiţ zmíněné paní
Hepburnové, přičemţ Hargreaves pouţil
adjektiva jako „elegantní“, „drobná“
a „šik“. Já jsem v tomto ohledu o kousíček
výřečnější a pouţil jsem superlativa
„uličnická“, „dokonalá“ a „líbezná“.
56
Got a letter this morning. Well not an
actual letter, but a kind of appointment
card thing to tell me the date – omigod –
of the first round of X Factor auditions in
London!! This is like, so boom! This is it,
baby. Stage one. Passed it. I can continue
on in my goal of my dreams towards
becoming Britain‟s Next Top Singer.
Dneska ráno mi přišel dopis. No dobře, ne
opravdickej dopis, ale takový to oznámení
s datem prvního kola X Faktoru
v Londýně! Paneboţe! Tohle je fakt pecka!
Je to tady bejby. Fáze číslo jedna hotovo.
Teď mŧţu jet vstříc mému snu zpěvačky
a stát se hvězdou Británie hledá Superstar.
Noel bought the drinks, I had a half of
cider, he had a pint, and we sat by the door
on the only avalailable and very draughty
table. Initially, he continued his line of
questioning about various aspects of work,
and he was extremely engaged. There‟s no
doubt that he is bright and he is definitely
confident about his prospects for career in
psychology. He is less of Jungian than me,
more Kleinian, more interpretative, but
nevertheless, he‟s clever I think.
Noel nám koupil pití. Já si dala malý pivo,
on velký a společně jsme si sedli
k jedinýmu volnýmu stolu, kterej byl
zrovna v prŧvanu. Nejdřív se začal
vyptávat na nejrŧznější věci okolo práce
a vypadal velice zainteresovaně. Vŧbec
jsem nepochybovala o jeho jasné představě
a odhodlání, co se týče budoucí kariéry
v oblasti psychologie. Sice nezastává
Jungovskou školu tak jako já a tíhne víc ke
Kleinovský škole, která se spíš soustředí na
interpretace, ale rozhodně má potenciál.
Not me, I‟m not going to waste my life on
a bloody job where you just go to the same
place 24/11 and die of boringness.
To mně teda rozhodně nehrozí, ţe bych se
zahrabala v jedný práci po zbytek ţivota
a chcípla tam nudou.
Noel seemed fascinated by all this when
we sat down together. I thought for
S Noelem jsme si sedli, abychom probrali
moji práci a kupodivu ho fascinovala.
57
a moment he might be suppressing a scoff,
saving up a snigger for later, but I realized
I was wrong, he was genuinely interested
in my methods, which for a young buck in
his thirties is fairly impressive. He was
attentive and curious and his subsequent
questions proved that he was listening.
I suspect he‟s a bit frightened of me.
George is forever telling me that I am
regarded as a Jekyll and Hyde – calm and
patient with my clients, but rigorous and
brusque with everyone else.
Nejdřív jsem si teda myslela, ţe se mi
vysmívá a pak mě za zádama pomluví, ale
uvědomila jsem si, ţe jsem se spletla a ţe
se skutečně zajímal o moje metody, coţ je
více neţ obdivuhodný na mladýho
třicetiletýho kluka. Kdyţ jsem mluvila,
dával pozor a zajímal se a taky mi pokládal
nejrŧznější otázky. Trochu jsem se
obávala, jestli se mě náhodou nebojí,
protoţe George mi věčně říká, ţe mám
rozpolcenou osobnost jako Jekyll a Hyde.
Při jednání s pacienty jsem klidná a mám
trpělivost, ale s kýmkoli dalším jsem aţ
moc příkrá a nekompromisní.
I could tell Mum was stressing but she put
on that fake thing for Lotts, sort of like
pretending that our house is some kind of
easy-come easy-go sort of place where
you can drop in any time you like coz
we‟re all so relaxed.
Bylo mi jasný, ţe matka zase vyšiluje, ale
před Lottie si hraje na velkou pohodářku
a předstírá, jaká je u nás pohodička a jak
jsme všichni v klidu.
After Lotts left, I Facebooked everyone
and told them about the Bunnies thing. No
replies yet but it‟s ages away.
Hned jak Lottie odešla, napsala jsem všem
na Fejsbŧku o akci Králíček. Zatím nikdo
neodepsal, ale to má ještě čas.
Anyway, Lottie was, and still is, Dora‟s
advocate and the only one that has hung in
Kaţdopádně, Lottie byla a pořád je Dořina
obhájkyně a je jediná, kdo to s ní vydrţí.
58
there. It‟s sweet when she comes round so
that they can study together. Not that they
study at all, but at least they are together,
hatching plans and whispering and
giggling, exactly as you‟re supposed to
when you‟re seventeen. Lottie seems an
unlikely amigo for Dora at first sight. She
is petite and fragile-looking.
Líbí se mi, jak se vţdycky zastaví, aby se
spolu mohly učit. Je jasný, ţe na učení ani
nešáhnou, ale aspoň jsou spolu, spřádají
plány, pochechtávají se a špitají si. Prostě
ty klasický holčičí věci, které jsme všechny
v jejich věku dělaly. Stejně bych ale na
první pohled neřekla, ţe si zrovna ony dvě
budou rozumět, kdyţ si vezmu, jak je
Lottie drobounká a křehká.
If they were blooms, Dora would be
a yellow sunflower and Lottie would be
fuchsia orchid.
Kdyby byly květiny, Dora by byla
slunečnice a Lottie rŧţová orchidej.
The majority of today was supremely
unlovely. Dippy Dora displayed the true
dimensions of her monumental ignorance
at breakfast when she announced with
giant confidence that she was hitherto only
eating white food. She claims that she has
been reliably informed (Heat Magazine,
I suspect) that should one limit oneself to
only a singular colour of food, one will
certainly loose weight.
Většina dnešního dne byla vrcholně
nepříjemná, jelikoţ nám Dutohlav Dora
opět ukázala svou skutečnou podstatu
v podobě do nebe volající blbosti, kdyţ
nám u snídaně hrdě oznámila, ţe bude od
dnešního dne jíst pouze jídlo bílé barvy.
Snaţila se nás přesvědčit, ţe tuto zprávu
zjistila ze spolehlivého zdroje (odhaduji
Cosmogirl), kde tvrdí, ţe pokud se budeme
stravovat jídlem jedné barvy, zcela určitě
pŧjdou kila dolŧ.
„Right. Listen up. Amputation. Sounds
unlikely but, but supposing, Peter slash
„Tak jo, poslouchej. Amputace. Je to sice
nepravděpodobný, ale představ si, Petře
59
Oscar, that a person was trapped by a limb
in a burning wreck, yea? Imagine that.
Terrifying. Immediate action is required.
One! Application of a makeshift
tourniquet using garments as restrictors.
Two! The precision of the incisions, to
exclude important arteries. Three! The
correct severing of the muscles and
retraction of the skin are crucial to
successful recovery. And you are going to
need your buddy to recover fast, mate,
believe me, to help you ward off wild
animals who will for sure be circling you
for the kill once the fire is out and they‟ve
smelled the blood.‟
All these details were apparently crucial,
and had to be explained at length.
pomlčka Oskare, ţe končetina nějakýho
člověka uvízla pod hořícíma troskama, jo?
Představ si to. Hrŧza. Musíš jednat rychle.
Za prvý! Ze svýho oblečení uděláš
provizorní tlakovej obvaz. Za druhý!
Provedeš příčnej řez, ale musíš se vyhnout
dŧleţitejm tepnám. Za třetí. Aby zotavení
bylo úspěšný, je nejdŧleţitější správně
odsekat svalovinu a odstranit přebytečnou
kŧţi. Ale pozor! Tvŧj kámoš se bude
muset zotavit fakt rychle, věř mi, páč ti
bude muset pomoct odhánět divokou zvěř,
která kolem vásbude určitě krouţit, aby na
vás zaútočila v momentě, kdy vám vyhasne
oheň a ona ucítí krev.“
Předpokládám, ţe bez všech těch
detailních popisŧ a sáhodlouhého
vysvětlování bychom se vskutku neobešli.
I then looked at the contact details on the
top of the last page of the file. Luke‟s
mother, who attends the sessions with him
once a month, is called Karen, and she‟s
a lady dinner. At my school. Wilson‟s
mother is a dinner lady at my school.
LUKE WILSON. I‟ve never known his
Poté jsem se podíval na kontaktní údaje na
poslední stránce sloţky. Lukova matka
s ním chodí na schŧzku jednou měsíčně,
jmenuje se Karen a pracuje v naší školní
kantýně jako kuchařka. Wilsonova matka
taky vlastně pracuje jako kuchařka v naší
školní kantýně. LUKE WILSON. Nikdy
60
first name. Year 9s don‟t have Cristian
names. Luke is Wilson.
jsem neznal jeho jméno stejně, jako jsem
neznal jméno jediného deváťáka. Luke je
Wilson.
Right, I‟ve GOT to finish my art
coursework by the end of this week so
what I‟m going to do is: I‟m going to
make a list of all the things I need to get
and do for the school prom and for my
bunnies party before I start that.
School Prom:
1. Purple prom dress (below knee, strapless
with netting petticoats)
2. Bag to go with dress (small, but must fit
phone in)
3. shoes to go with dress (at least 3 ½
inch
heel)
4. Strapless underwired bra. 36DD
5. Pants to match. Not underwired
6. Hairpiece. To match own hair but be able
to curl and put up
7. Tiara of flower or blingy hair slide
8. Short jacket or, like fake fur wrap thing
9. Tights (won‟t need if legs are tanned)
10. False eyelashes with sparkle on
Tak, MUSÍM dodělat projekt na výtvarku
do konce týdne, takţe pro teď je plán
následující: Nejdřív si udělám seznam
všech věcí, který potřebuju udělat a sehnat
na maturák a narozeninovou králíčkovskou
oslavu a pak zamakám na projektu.
Maturák:
1. Fialový šaty (dýlka pod kolena, bez
ramínek se síťovanou spodničkou)
2. Kabelka hodící se k šatŧm (malá, musí se
do ní vlízt mobil)
3. Boty hodící se k šatŧm (aspoň 9 cm
podpatky)
4. Podprda bez ramínek. 80E
5. Ladící kalhotky. Bez švŧ.
6. Příčesek. Kudrnatej a stejná barva jako mý
vlasy
7. Korunka z květin nebo třpytivá sponka
8. Krátký sáčko nebo umělá koţešina přes
ramena
9. Silonky (nebude potřeba, pokud pŧjdu do
61
11. jewellery –necklace, earrings, rings
(expensive-looking or borrow Mum‟s)
12. Book a tan session, hairdressers, full
manicure and full pedicure with tips
13. Book limousine or check if I can go in
someone else‟s
14. Get a camera. Only got the one on my
phone and it‟s crap
15. Charge up and borrow Dad‟s video
recorder
16. get boyfriend or date for the night
Own Party. 18th
Bunny Bonanza:
1. Book a big room in hotel
2. Get bunny outfit (ordinary, sexy outfit but
with bunny ears and tail)
3. Fishnet tights
4. Shoes (at least 4 inch heel), black, shiny
5. Big earrings (hoops but not chavvy)
6. Tiara (with BIRTHDAY GIRL written on)
7. Huge cake (with funny but flattering
statue of me on top) OR loads of different-
coloured cupcakes with like glitter on
8. Book DJ (don‟t let Mum do this)
solárka)
10. Umělý řasy se třpytkama
11. šperky – náhrdelník, naušnice, prsteny
(musej vypadat draze – přinejhorším si
pŧjčit matčiny)
12. Zamluvit solárko, kadeřníka, manikúru,
pedikúru plus dýška
13. Zamluvit limuzínu nebo zjistit, jestli bych
se nevešla k někomu jinýmu
14. Sehnat foťák. Ten v mobilu stojí za prd
15. Nabít a pŧjčit si taťkovu kameru
16. Pořídit si přítele nebo doprovod na ples
Narozky. Králíčková párty.
1. Zamluvit velkej hotelovej pokoj
2. Sehnat králíčkovskej obleček (normální
sexy obleček s králičíma ouškama
a ocáskem)
3. Síťovaný silonky
4. Lodičky (aspoň 10 cm podpatek), černý,
lesklý
5. Velký náušnice (velký kruhy ale nesmí
vypadat lacině)
6. Korunka (s nápisem OSLAVENKYNĚ)
7. Obrovskej dort (se srandovní, ale
62
9. Get flashing disco lights
10. Rent karaoke machine
11. Book Hummer limo for me to arrive in
12. Loads of lager, vodka, coke etc.
13. Glasses (with umbrellas, cherries etc.)
14. Get badges with „Dora is 18‟ printed on
for everyone
15. Try to book a boy band or something.
(Like maybe an old one like Blue or
something to make it cheaper?)
16. Get someone to make a film (get loads of
friends and family to wish me happy
birthday and say nice stuff about me. I will
look surprised and cry when it‟s shown on
the night – should also film)
17. Organize food – (8 family buckets of
KFC?)
18. Get boyfriend or date for the night
lichotivou fotkou na vrchu)
NEBO spousta rŧzně barevnejch muffinŧ
se třpytkama
8. Zamluvit DJe (nenechávat zařizování na
matce)
9. Sehnat diskokouli, party osvětlení
a stroboskop
10. Pŧjčit si karaoke bednu
11. Zamluvit pořádnou limuzínu, ve který
dojedu na party
12. Mrtě piva, vodky, koly atd.
13. Skleničky (s deštníčkama, třešinkama atd.)
14. Sehnat pro kaţdýho velkou placku
s nápisem „Dora má 18“
15. Pokusit se sehnat a zamluvit klučičí
kapelu. (Moţná nějakou starší jako
Backstreet Boys, aby to vyšlo levnějc.)
16. Sehnat někoho, kdo by natočil film (sehnat
hromadu kámošŧ a rodinu, aby mi popřáli
k narozkám a řekli o mně něco pěknýho,
a aţ se to bude večer promítat, budu brečet
a tvářit se dojatě – to by se mělo taky
nahrát)
17. Objednat jídlo – (8 mega velkejch kyblíkŧ
kuřecích křidýlek z KFC?)
63
18. Pořídit si na akci přítele nebo doprovod
Caught sight of myself today in the
window of the bank at lunchtime. For
a tiny millisecond, I genuinely did not
recognize the reflection. Firstly it was
moving very fast and so I only glimpsed it
momentarily, the way you sometimes see
a bird dart into a bush.
Během pauzy na oběd jsem se zahlídla
v prosklených dveřích jedný banky. Na
zlomek vteřiny jsem skutečně nebyla s to
poznat odraz. Nejdřív se to pohybovalo
velmi rychle, ţe jsem to sotva zachytila, asi
jako kdyţ pták vyletí z koruny stromu.
True, Wilson was revealing himself to be
an unquestionably tiresome hobbledehoy,
but I wasn‟t to know the seat of his grand
sadness. A suffering that has undoubtedly
eaten up his confidence and joie de vivre.
Vskutku, Wilson bezesporu pŧsobil na
okolí dojmem uzavřeného podivína, avšak
pravý dŧvod jeho převelikého smutku mi
měl zŧstat utajen. Bylo to jedno velké
utrpení, jeţ mu sebralo veškeré
sebevědomí a chuť do ţivota.
Think only eating white food is going like
really really well? It so 120% works, and
I can‟t believe all the great stuff you can
eat. In the last day, I‟ve had bread, pasta,
egg mayonnaise, bagels, white chocolate,
vanilla milkshake, white candy floss,
marshmallows, white cheese, milk and
loads of other stuff.
Jako musim říct, ţe jedení jenom bílýho
jídla jde fakt mega dobře. Funguje to na
120% a to se mi ani nesnilo, kolik
skvělýho jídla mŧţu sníst. Zrovna včera
jsem snědla chleba, těstoviny, majonézu,
housky, bílou čokoládu, vanilkový mléčný
koktejl, bílou cukrovou vatu,
marshmallow, balkánskej sýr, mlíko
a spoustu dalšího.
Actually the start of the day was far from Na dnešním ránu nebylo vŧbec nic
64
a surprise. Breakfast, kids, Husband, dog –
same old, same old.
zajímavýho. Snídaně, děcka, Manţel, pes –
pořád to samý.
Off we went, all squishing into George‟s
estate car. I had a momentary pang of
irritation and yes, I admit it, jealousy when
Veronica limbed in the front with George.
Tak jsme vyrazili a natěsnali se do
Georgova kombíka. Pocítila jsem prudký
nával vzteku a ţárlivosti – ano, uznávám –
kdyţ se Veronika nasáčkovala k Georgovi
na přední sedadlo.
I laughed so much at this thought that
I started to snort unattractively. I know
what people say you can laugh „til your
sides hurt and it‟s true, my sides were
actually hurting...
Uţ jen samotná myšlenka mě tak
rozesmála, aţ jsem z toho začala chrochtat,
coţ nepŧsobilo nejlepším dojmem. Někde
jsem slyšela, ţe vás od smíchu mŧţe pěkně
bolet břicho. Něco na tom bude, protoţe
mě břicho bolelo pekelně…
I can: open a bank account without
parents‟ signature – Yeah, and put what in
there? Like, buttons or something?!!
Budu moct: otevřít si bankovní účet bez
podpisu rodičŧ – jo jasně, abych si tam
mohla ukládat třeba knoflíky nebo co?
She will only speak in monosyllabic
grunts and snorts and cannot look me in
the eye. Consequently, all information
between us is conveyed in bulletin form. If
spoken it is understood that it will be
short, precise and instructive data. For
instance, when she wants her allowance,
she stands near me, looking away but
holding her hand out saying: „Pocket
Vţdycky akorát něco zabručí a odsekne,
pokud moţno co nejstručněji, a ani se na
mě nepodívá. Veškerá naše konverzace
tudíţ nabývá podoby krátkých sdělení,
který musej splňovat tři kritéria: stručnost,
výstiţnost a hlavně k věci. Kdyţ se třeba
jednou doţadovala kapesnýho, stoupla si
ke mně, natáhla ruku a aniţ by mi věnovala
jedinej pohled, pronesla: „Kapesný…
65
money necessary… please…
immediately.‟ Or „Shampoo required…‟
or „Dog sick behind kitchen door. Action
needed.‟
If written, it‟s usually on Post-its on the
fridge or by the phone, again, concise and
to the point. One particular Post-it simply
urged me to „Butt out you wonk!‟
Charming. Absolutely no incidental
conversation is happening, no discussion.
Occasionally, if there are other people in
the house, friends and wotnot, she will
engage in a kind of fake functional
relationship to ease the tension and to
appear sociable.
hned… prosím.“ Nebo „Potřebuju novej
šampon…“ nebo „Pes se poblil v kuchyni.
Dělej něco“. Pokud píše vzkazy, opět
velice stručně a k jádru věci, nechává je
normálně na ledničce nebo u telefonu.
Jeden konkrétní lístek mi jednoduše
sděloval „Vysmahni tuponi!“
Jak kouzelné. Jakákoli diskuze nebo
normální popovídání nepřipadá v úvahu,
akorát výjimečně, kdyţ je u nás někdo na
návštěvě, předstírá, jakej máme úţasnej
vztah, aby podpořila uměle vytvořenou
uvolněnou atmosféru a pŧsobila naprosto
nekonfliktně.
On arriving home, I have informed Miss
Dora via Post-it on her bedroom door that
she has an appointment to keep with the
sex-nurse. I will certainly sleep easier
knowing she is fully contracepted.
I popped in on Pamela on the way home.
It was an impromptu visit, no particular
reason.
Kdyţ jsem dojela dom, přilepila jsem Doře
na dveře vzkaz, aby nezapomněla na
schŧzku se sestřičkou, co ji má poučit
o sexu. S myšlenkou, ţe pouţívá
antikoncepci, se mi bude usínat mnohem
líp.
Po cestě domŧ jsem se jen tak na chvilku
zastavila u Pamely.
In the end, she was irritating me so much
I had to drink up, make my excuses and
V závěru uţ mě tak šíleně vytáčela, ţe
jsem musela rychle dopít, na něco se
66
go. Why couldn‟t she just leave me alone?
I was enjoying our rare moment of
intimate time and suddenly, out of
nowhere, she‟s gone and bloody hijacked
it, to address something she has no idea
about whatsoever. Why doesn‟t she just
bloody leave me alone, and BUTT OUT!
vymluvit a vypadnout. Proč mě prostě
nemŧţe nechat na pokoji? Docela jsem si
uţívala naši ojedinělou chvilku duševního
souznění, kdyţ tu najednou ji musela
zkazit tím, ţe strká nos do věcí, do kterých
jí nic není. Proč mě ksakru nenechá bejt
a NEVYSMAHNE!
Mama has been psychobabbling on for
months now about how she feels I need
some therapy to „explore‟ why I feel such
an affinity with Oscar Wilde. Oh, but she
goes on, jibber jabber, yak yak.
Matka uţ na mě několik měsícŧ zkouší
psychologický kecy o tom, jak bych měl
chodit na terapie, aby se zjistilo, proč jsme
s Oscarem Wildem spřízněné duše. Ach
boţe, a zas nanovo, kecy v kleci, bla bla
bla.
Mama, bless her, has not an inkling of my
intenstions nor my lusts and thus she
willingly agreed to organize it post haste.
I couldn‟t be more cunning cad if I tried
and frankly, I don‟t really try. I simply am.
I am all smoke and mirrors.
Bŧh ţehnej matce, jeţ nemá nejmenší
tušení o mých záměrech a těţko
ovladatelných touhách a doslova mě na
setkání procpala. Nemohl bych to vymyslet
lépe, i kdybych se sebevíc snaţil,
a řekněme si upřímně, jsem to ale
chytrolín.
I am reeling. What‟s happened? Has
anything actually happened, or am I just
a silly menopausal twerp? I don‟t know.
All I know is that I feel entirely
unruddered. Shaky. I‟m shaking. I‟m not
Jsem mimo. Co se stalo? Fakt se něco stalo
nebo uţ je ze mě bláznivá kráva
v přechodu? Netušim. Momentálně se
cítím, jako by mi uletěly všechny včely.
Celá se třesu a nemŧţu popadnout dech.
67
even breathing properly… Calm down.
Calm down.
Dejchej, dejchej…
Anyway then she got all the stuff out and
laid it on a table. Omitriplegod! There was
a patch you put on your bum (huge
plaster), the pills (makes you fatter),
condom (old ballon), women‟s condom
(bin bag), cap (midgets speed skater‟s
helmet), natural family planning (calendar
and thermometer – need Maths), injection
(an actual injection, with an actual needle),
implant (microchip), IUS/IUD (tiny metal
anchors that go all the way up inside, ow),
sterilization (cut tubes).
Kaţdopádně pak donesla všechny věci
a rozloţila je na stŧl. Bohajeho! Takţe
moţnosti jsou následující: náplast, co se
lepí na zadek (megavelká), prášky (po
kterých nakynete), kondom (stará známá
šprcka), ţenskej kondom (velikosti pytle
do odpaďáku), pesar (helma pro pidilidi),
přirozený plánování rodičovství (teploměr
a kalendář- potřeba ovládat matiku),
injekce (opravdivá injekce s opravdickou
jehlou), implantát (mikročip), nitroděloţní
antikoncepce (mrňavá kovová kotvička,
která se strčí dovnitř, au), sterilizace
(odseknutí zdroje).
Yeah thanks, I really wanna go back there.
Not.
It‟s gonna be great on Facebook thou, I‟ve
told all my friends to lookout for my status
which I‟m going to update in like fifteen
minutes to: STATUS: OWNER OF 20
NEW CONDOMS.
Jo super, hned bych se tam vrátila. Pche,
ani za zlatý prase.
Ale na Fejsbŧku to bude hustý, páč jsem
řekla všem kámošŧm, ať si očekujou mŧj
status, kterej si tam hodim tak do 15 minut
a kterej bude znít: Dora Battleová je
čerstvou majitelkou 20 nových kondomŧ.
That would be wak. Serves her right for
being the noisiest parker that ever parked
To by byl fakt úlet. Patří jí to, ţe strká ten
svŧj slídilovskej nos, kam nemá. S takovou
68
her nose in nosey parker town centre. mŧţe z fleku bejt vrchní Slídil ze Slídilova.
Today was the Day of Days. Dnes byl den s velkým D.
I took a big gulp of peppermint mouth
spray and sat on the chair outside his
room. It occurred to me that these were to
be my final moments. The last ticking
minutes of my life BEFORE Noel. Pretty
soon I would be referring to now as
„before‟. „Before‟ we were together,
„Before‟ we met, „Before‟ we knew our
futures were bound together.
Pořádně jsem si loknul mentolové ústní
vody a posadil se na ţidli před kanceláří.
V tu chvíli mi došlo, ţe toto jsou mé
poslední okamţiky. Poslední minuty ţivota
PŘED Noelem. V dohledné době se bude
doba „teď“ označovat jako „předtím“.
„Předtím“, neţ jsme byli spolu, „Předtím,
neţ jsme se potkali“, „Předtím“, neţ jsme
věděli o naší společné budoucnosti.
I luuurve Facebook. I love it so much
I would marry it. Darling Facebook,
please marry me so‟s we can always be
together and you can entertain me non
stop and I will never be bored.
Já taaaak ţeru Fejsbŧk. Klidně bych se za
něj provdala. Předrahý Fejsbŧku, prosím,
staň se mým muţem a budeme uţ navţdy
spolu. Náš ţivot bude jedním velkým
nekonečným dobrodruţstvím, kde nuda
nebude mít šanci.
I‟m going to update my profile and put on
some better photos and I might even make
a special offer on the Start Groups thing
and send it global – something like:
„Free cupcakes for first twenty hot guys
who sign up to be my friend! Must be fit
and funny, no losers or uggos need apply.
Plánuju si aktualizovat profil a nahrát tam
nějaký lepší fotky a moţná eště vytvořim
novou skupinu se speciální nabídkou
a rozešlu pozvánky všem lidem na
Fejsbŧku.
Zpráva bude znít asi takhle:
„Dortíky zadarmo pro prvních dvacet sexy
69
Guaranteed responses to all post.‟ klukŧ, který si mě přidaj do přátel.
Vypracovaný tělo a smysl pro humor
podmínkou. Sockya uboţáky neberem.
Odepíšu na všechny zprávy.“
Got to be honest, I‟m a bit jealous if she‟s
got a date because we were going as
eachother‟s date and I was looking
forward to getting ready together and
saying, „Yeh, so what everybody – we
don‟t need a guy to have a great night.
Watch us, suckers, we‟re bezzie friends
and we‟re going to dance „til we die!‟
That‟s what we said we were going to do,
but we can‟t if she‟s got someone.
Musim se přiznat, ţe trochu ţárlim na její
doprovod, páč jsme měly jít spolu a já se
fakt těšila, jak se budeme společně chystat
a pak tam nakráčíme ve stylu „A co jako?
Nepotřebujeme ţádnýho kluka, vystačíme
si samy. Dejte si na nás pozor, křupani, my
sme nejky a budem pařit aţ do rána!“
To bylo v plánu pŧvodně, ale teď uţ je to
pasé, kdyţ si někoho našla.
Oh God, I‟d been an idiot and imagined
the whole ghastly, embarrassing episode.
I felt a pall of humiliation creeping over
me, and tugged up the front of my top so it
wasn‟t so compromisingly low.
Paneboţe, co jsem to za idiota! Vzpomněla
jsem si na celou tu příšerně poniţující
záleţitost a zavalil mě pocit naprostýho
zoufalství. Popotáhla jsem si vršek trika,
aby mi z něj tak okatě nelezly prsa.
I am programmed to be professional at
work, especially in my room, where so
many secrets are told, where so much is
entrusted to me.
V práci, a obzvláště v kanceláři, kde mi
pacienti svěřují svá tajemství, se chovám
jako profesionálka.
Hello, you have reached Mo. If you would
like to speak to psychologist Mo, press 1.
Dobrý den, dovolali jste se k Mo. Pokud si
přejete mluvit s psycholoţkou Mo,
70
If you would like to speak with author Mo,
press 2. If you would like to speak with
mother Mo, press 3. If you would like to
speak with wife Mo, press 4. If you would
like to speak with wanton amoral fast
harlot potentionally adulterous lunatic Mo,
just whisper, because she is very close by.
Thank you.
stiskněte 1. Pokud si přejete mluvit se
spisovatelkou Mo, stiskněte 2. Pokud si
přejete mluvit s matkou Mo, stiskněte
3. Pokud si přejete mluvit s manţelkou
Mo, stiskněte 4. Pokud si přejete mluvit se
zhýralou běhnou bez špetky morálních
zásad a potenciální nevěrnicí Mo, stačí
zašeptat její jméno, protoţe je poblíţ.
Děkuji.
Perhaps the more pertinent question
should be „How on earth can she be
genetically related to me in any way?‟
I must take time to sit Mama and the Pater
down in order to posit the difficult
unavoidable questions regarding Dingy
Dora‟s true parentage. The only possible
solution I can offer with reference to her
bird wittedness is that, if she is my
genuine sibling, then surely in a cruel
twist of DNA mutancy, I somehow
imbided all of the many brain cells she left
behind in her haste to exit Mama‟s womb.
Some two years prior to my entrance.
Typical of her to leave the place untidy.
Whatever the process, the result is
Relevantnější otázka měla spíše znít
„Jakým moţným myslitelným zpŧsobem
mŧţe bejt zrovna ona moje příbuzná?“
Musím si najít čas a někdy si s matkou
a otcem sednout a vyzvědět odpovědi na
nevyhnutelné otázky týkající se skutečných
rodičŧ Dutý Dory. Jediné moţné řešení,
které se mi momentálně nabízí vzhledem
k velikosti jejího ptačího mozku, je, ţe
pokud je moje opravdová ségra, tak potom
jsem určitě musel nějak absorbovat ty
kvanta mozkových buněk, který mi tam
nechala, kdyţ se drala ven z matčiný
dělohy dva roky před mým vstupem. To je
tak typický, ţe po sobě nechává svinčík.
Ať uţ to bylo jakkoli, výsledek je
71
staggering. She is a freakish marvel. My
sister, the empty-headed lady.
ochromující. Sestra je hříčka přírody
a dutohlav k tomu.
We sat and he sighed and smiled.
Ordinarily his smile is breathtaking and
reduces me to jelly, but today I detected in
it the briefest whiff of contrivance.
Posadili jsme se, on si povzdechl a usmál
se. Normálně je jeho úsměv dechberoucí
a podlamují se mi z něj kolena, avšak dnes
jsem z něj vycítil jistou vypočítavost.
Noel shot up of his chair looking not
a little surprised and said, „Peter – Oscar –
whatever your name is, this is entirely
wrong, mate. You have utterly
misunderstood. You are sixteen, for God‟s
sake!‟
To which I replied, loudly, possibly too
loudly, „I AM NOT A CHILD. I AM
A FUNCTIONING ENCHANTING
GENTLEMAN WHO JUST HAPPENS
TO UTTERLY ADORE YOU, YOU
SILLY NAUGHTY FOOL!‟
Noel vystřelil ze ţidle a netvářil se ani
trochu překvapeně, kdyţ vyhrkl, „Petře-
Oskare- jakkoli si říkáš, tohle je úplně
šílený. Vŧbec jsme se nepochopili. Vţdyť
je ti šestnáct proboha! “
Na coţ jsem zvýšeným, moţná aţ moc
zvýšeným, hlasem odvětil: „UŢ NEJSEM
DÍTĚ, ALE PLNĚ VYVINUTÝ
OKOUZLUJÍCÍ MLADÝ MUŢ, KTERÝ
TĚ NADE VŠE ZBOŢŇUJE, TY MŦJ
UBOHÝ HLUPÁČKU!“
She said, „Oscar, you are ranting. Stop it
immediately, this isn‟t clever or funny.
I know you have a schoolboy (ouch) crush
(ouch) on Noel, but this is just ridiculous.
He has no interest in you whatsoever
(ouch).‟
Začala ječet: „Oskare, co je to tady za
tijátr? Okamţitě s tím přestaň, vŧbec to
není chytrý ani vtipný. Chápu, ţe proţíváš
školáckou (au) poblázněnost (au)
k Noelovi, ale tohle je fakt směšný. Vţdyť
on o tebe nemá absolutně ţádnej zájem
(au).“
72
She spoke in her terrifying soft voice.
„You are making a complete arse of
yourself, Oscar, please stop or the
humiliation will drown you. Put it all
behind you this instant, you are barking up
completely the wrong tree with Noel.
There will be no more therapy with him,
do you understand? I know you will be
temporarily heartbroken, but you will
recover from this, for the simple reason
that I suspect your ego will have broken
your very great fall. Now. Much more
importantly, I am cocking furious with
you. Luke Wilson has just been on the
phone wanting to know how come you
seem to know so much about him. You
know how important confidentiality is.
Care to explain yourself? And care to
prepare yourself for an old-fashioned
thrashing, you blethering idiot!
Nakonec promluvila děsivě tlumeným
hlasem. „Děláš ze sebe totálního debila,
Oskare, takţe laskavě přestaň, nebo se
budeš chtít hanbou propadnout. Hoď to
všechno za hlavu a pochop, ţe s Noelem si
šlápnul úplně, ale úplně vedle. S terapiemi
je konec, je ti to jasný? Chápu, ţe budeš
mít dočasně zlomený srdce, ale z toho se
dostaneš z jednoho prostýho dŧvodu. Máš
svoje alter ego, který ti pomŧţe rány
zahojit. Ale co je teď mnohem dŧleţitější,
nemŧţu tě ani vidět. Zrovna jsem mluvila
s Lukem Wilsonem a moc ho zajímalo, jak
je moţný, ţe o něm tolik víš. Nechápeš
snad, jak je zachování mlčenlivosti
dŧleţitý? Mŧţeš mi to nějak vysvětlit?
A připrav se, ţe doma bude pěknej
vejprask, ty uţvaněnej idiote!“
In fact, I recall, with a certain amount of
cringe, an anniversary trip to Paris, when
I thought it might save time to list my
complaints, as a sort of aide-mémoire, on
Pokaţdý mi naskočí husí kŧţe, kdyţ si
vzpomenu na naše výročí a výlet do Paříţe,
kde jsem si myslela, ţe si ušetřím čas
a sepíšu všechny svoje stíţnosti na
kartičku, kde stálo zhruba toto:
73
a small card, which read something like:
1) Sweaty gym towels left on bedroom floor
2) Honking up phlegm whilst in shower
3) Scratching of balls when in company
4) Old, ill-fitting rugby shirts worn as regular
shirts
5) Overuse of term „wassup‟ in silly growly
voice
6) Referring to me as „my first wife‟ as
a regular joke followed by guffaws of
laughter
7) Regularly waking up kids to kiss them
goodnight
8) Guiness-fuelled farting. Endless.
He grabbed it from me and read the list
aloud, adding comments such as, „I agree,
appalling‟ and „unacceptable behaviour‟
and „Divorce this monster immediately‟
after each complaint.
1) Propocený ručníky z posilky nechává
v koupelně na zemi
2) Vychrchlává hleny, kdyţ je ve sprše
3) Ve společnosti se škrábe na koulích
4) Starý vytahaný ragbyový trika pouţívá
jako normální součást šatníku
5) Nadměrně pouţívá výraz „Tak jak to de?“
a mluví směšným rádoby svádivým hlasem
6) Představuje mě jako „svou první
manţelku“, jeden z jeho oblíbených vtipŧ
doprovázený výbuchy smíchu
7) Pravidelně budí děti, aby jim dal pusu na
dobrou noc
8) Vypouští Guinessem nasáklý prdy
A tak dále.
Vytrhnul mi seznam z ruky, začal ho číst
nahlas a neodpustil si komentáře typu
„souhlas, to je nechutný“ a „nepřijatelný“
a „okamţitě se s tím buranem rozveď“ po
kaţdým bodu.
Pamela, who it transpires, has a streak of
the school-marm in her, then suggested
Pamela, jak se ukázalo, má v sobě trochu
učitelky ze staré školy. Poté mi navrhla, ţe
74
that I might, „Butch up a bit, Master
Oscar, come on. This fellow obviously
didn‟t get it, didn‟t want it. You did. He
didn‟t. He‟s an idiot with no taste and it‟s
his loss, but you can‟t force someone to
fancy you. Unless you are Donald Trump.‟
bych se měl „pochlapit, pane Oskare, no
tak. Tomu klukovi to asi nedošlo a asi to
ani nechtěl. Ty ano. On ne. Je to idiot bez
špetky vkusu a jeho chyba, ale ty nemŧţeš
nikoho nutit, aby tě měl rád. Leda, ţe bys
byl milionář Donald Trump.“
Then she slammed the door so hard it
broke the handle, which caused her to utter
a stream of obscenities a Marine would be
proud of. I‟m assuming she has had some
sort of fall-out with Lottie, which is
shame.
Pak práskla vší silou dveřma, aţ upadla
klika, po čemţ následoval příval nadávek,
za který by se nemusel stydět ani starej
námořník. Zřejmě se nějak nepohodla
s Lottie, coţ mě mrzí.
I hate writing this bloody book. It‟s like an
albatross around my neck.
Nesnáším tu debilní kníţku. Je jak koule
u nohy.
I had to intervene. „Dora Battle, beloved
daughter of Mr and Mrs Battle of
Pangbourne, and cherished sister of the
Esteemed Oscar Earnest Battle, please
honour us with your attention…‟
Musím se do toho vloţit. „Doro Battlová,
předrahá dcero pana a paní Battlových
z Pangbournu a velectěná sestro váţeného
Oscara Filipa Battla, prosím pocti nás svou
přítomností…“
I was overtaken with the unexpected urge
to bow and kiss her hand, something I‟d
never done before and am unlikely to ever
do again. „At your service, m‟lady.‟
Pocítil jsem nečekanou potřebu se před ní
uklonit a políbit jí ruku, coţ jsem nikdy
předtím neučinil a věřím, ţe se to jiţ nikdy
opakovat nebude. „K Vašim sluţbám, má
paní.“
The queen o‟ the night turned to me and Královna večera se ke mně otočila
75
said, „Thanks, Pete, I appreciate what
you‟re doing…‟ I patted her hand to
reassure her, and she continued, „but if
you embarrass me in any way, I will razor
your balls off and feed them to Poo,
understand?‟
I understood.
a pronesla: „Díky Petře, opravdu si váţim,
co pro mě děláš…“ Pohladil jsem ji po
ruce, abych ji podpořil, kdyţ v tom
pokračovala: „ale jestli mě jakkoli ztrapníš,
uříznu ti koule a předhodim je Bobině,
jasný?“
Více slov nebylo třeba.
The competition was fairly fierce, but had
its moments of levity, my favourite being
when Cock Copper displayed his towering
heathenism by thinking an „autocrat‟ was
an „aristocrat‟. As Wilson observed, he
actually almost said „aristocat‟.
Odehrával se tu vskutku lítý boj, i kdyţ se
daly najít slabší okamţiky. V jednom
z mých oblíbených se Cock Copper
projevil jako naprostý neznaboh, jelikoţ se
domníval, ţe „autokrat“ je „aristokrat“.
A jak si Wilson stačil povšimnout, ve
skutečnosti prý řekl „autoskrat“.
He was right, there was a noise. It sounded
like a child crying, but it wasn‟t human. It
was really like bloody creepy. „Poo!‟
shouted Peter and he ran up the stairs. I‟m
sure the Emos thought he was having
a sudden attack of explosive diarrhoea.
We all followed into his bedroom and
there she was, looking all shaky and
shocked and happy to see us, lying right
next to his sock drawer.
Měl pravdu. Zaslechli jsme jakýsi zvuk, co
připomínal brečící dítě, ale člověk to
nebyl, tohle bylo mnohem děsivější.
„Bobina!“ zařval Petr a hnal se nahoru.
Emařky si určitě mysleli, ţe trpí akutním
prŧjmem. Běţeli jsme všichni za ním do
pokoje. A tam jsme je našli. Bobina leţela
na zemi hned vedle šuplíku s ponoţkami
a vypadala otřeseně a šokovaně, ale
opravdu šťastně, ţe nás vidí.
I simply can‟t conceive of how I have Nejsem s to pochopit, jak jsem ho mohl
76
foolishly overlooked him in the past. My
Noel goggles were an ill-fitting pair with
utterly the wrong prescription.
kdy přehlíţet. Jak jsem kdy mohl být
natolik zaslepen špatně padnoucími
rŧţovými brýlemi s nápisem Noel?
I made use of her magnifying mirror with
all its alarming revelations. I‟d never fully
realized just how errant my eyebrow hairs
have become. They are positively cheeky.
Some of them are presuming they are
entitled to grow between the two brows.
I think not. I attacked at once with
tweezers. Back, sir! Back! Have at you,
you varlet! With patience and a modicum
of skill they were tamed. I can be quite
appealingly assertive when required.
Pouţil jsem její zvětšovací zrcadlo
a odhalil všechny donebevolající
nedostatky. Nikdy jsem si neuvědomil, jak
nezvedené mám chloupky v obočí. Drze se
mi vysmívají a ještě si myslí, ţe si klidně
mohou vyrŧst nad kořenem nosu. Tak to
tedy ne. Rozhodl jsem se zaútočit pinzetou.
Ústup, pane! Ústup! Do střehu, zlotřilče!
S trochou trpělivosti a umu byly brzy
pokořeny. Kdyţ je potřeba, dokáţi být
nekompromisní.
Darling Dora really was a peach all day,
and everso grateful for the bracelet I gave
her. I should co-co. That trinket cost me
forty-five English pounds.
Celičký den byla Předrahá Dora vskutku
drahoušek, takovou měla radost z náramku,
který jsem jí dal. Ještě aby ne, kdyţ mě ta
tretka přišla na 45 anglických liber.
It was oh so subtle, but I knew that boy
could read me like a well-thumbed saucy
book.
Och, jaké to bylo mazané, i kdyţ jsem si
byl vědom, ţe mě má celého přečteného.
There was an enormous empty cake stand,
covered in the detritus of gooey chocolate
cake. What appeared to be eight or so
bodies were snoring and snuffling away in
Na stole leţel obrovskej prázdnej tác se
zbytky čokoládovýho dortu. V pokoji před
televizí chrápalo a odfrkovalo cosi, co
vypadalo jako propletenec osmi těl.
77
the frowsty fug of the front room. The
funk was revolting – a mixture of teenage
body odour and farts and an ominous
smell of burning.
Vzduch byl příšerně vydejchanej a mísily
se v něm směsi nejrŧznějších lidských
odérŧ, prdŧ a zlověstnej smrad čehosi
spálenýho.
I just like so love my new puppy? I‟ve
decided to call him Elvis coz he‟s like so
huge and black. Like the real Elvis was.
Dad like laughed his head off when I told
him that. I don‟t know why, I think it‟s the
perfect name.
Já tak zboţňuju svoje nový štěňátko.
Rozhodla jsem se ho pojmenovat Elvis,
páč je taky tak obrovský a černý. Jako
opravdickej Elvis. Otec mohl prasknout
smíchy, kdyţ jsem mu to řekla. Nechápu
proč, vţdyť to je perfektní jméno.
Mum had to give the Emos some bus fare
coz they‟re too cool to call their parents.
The Croatian girl got her words a bit
wrong and said to Dad, „Thanking you for
the lovely orgy,‟ which took a bit of
explaining to Mum.
Matka musela dát emařkám prachy na bus,
páč je přece pod jejich úroveň zavolat
rodičŧm. Jedný z nich, Chorvatce, se
trochu popletly slova a řekla taťkovi,
„Děkovat Vám za krásné orgie,“ coţ pak
musel matce dlouze vysvětlovat.
Take, for instance, the following baffling
arrangement of words I once espied when
I hacked into her site (of course I know
her password, only an imbecile wouldn‟t
guess it – „SEXYDORA‟. A contradiction
in terms I fear).
Vezměme si například následující, při
nejmenším zaráţející, slovní uspořádání,
kterého jsem byl svědkem, kdyţ jsem se
naboural na její účet (samozřejmě znám
heslo, na to by přišla i cvičená opice –
„SEXYDORA“). Poněkud rozporuplné,
řekl bych.
In that second I couldn‟t forgive him his
intent and I felt myself splitting.
V tu chvíli jsem mu nemohla odpustit, co
udělal, a cítila jsem, jak ve mně všechno
78
I separated from me the dad, the husband.
That bloke stood back and I let my deepest
red-rage break free. It tore out of me with
brute force and thundered me towards him
like a missile. Ignorant of any fear,
I pummelled him with blow after blow.
I wanted to tear him to shreds. I slammed
into him with my full body weight and
knocked him to the floor.
vře. Málem jsem kvŧli němu odešla od
manţela. Ten bastard hodil zpátečku a to
byla poslední kapka. Projel mnou nával
nepříčetnosti a pustila jsem se do něj.
Bušila jsem do něj pěstma a chtěla ho
rozcupovat na kousky. Opřela jsem se do
něho celou vahou a srazila ho na zem.
I love pretending to be a dog, and they
love it too. It makes Poo laugh. I can
always tell when she‟s laughing. Why do
people say dogs don‟t laugh when they
like, so def do? Well, she does. She got
a bit confused when I was drinking water
from their bowl. Both of them tipped their
heads to the side trying to understand it.
Even I didn‟t really understand why I did
it except I got carried away and it seemed
like a cool idea. It totally grossed me out.
And I had to go and brush my teeth.
Miluju hraní si na pejsky a jim se to taky
líbí. Bobinu to vţdycky rozesměje a já
poznám, kdyţ se usmívá. Nechápu, proč
lidi tvrdí, ţe se psi nesmějou, páč oni se
teda rozhodně smějou. Bobina určitě.
Trochu znervózněla, kdyţ jsem jí
z mističky pila vodu. Obě uklonily
hlavičky na stranu a snaţily se pochopit, co
dělám. A vlastně ani já netušim, proč jsem
to udělala. Asi to zezačátku vypadalo jako
dost dobrej nápad a nechala jsem se unýst,
takţe mi pak ze sebe bylo akorát blbě
a musela jsem si jít vyčistit zuby.
„The computer isn‟t broken, you hell-born
changeling. The Pater said it was because
he doesn‟t want you on there, on
„Počítač není rozbitej, ty ďábelskej omyle.
Otec ti nakecal, ţe je, páč nechtěl, abys
lezla na Fejsbŧk. Proto ti taky zabavil
79
Facebook. That‟s why he has also
confiscated your phone. He doesn‟t want
you to contact your friend X-man. He is
concerned that you are meeting someone
you don‟t know. So he went on Facebook
himself, pretending to be you, and
changed the meeting time, to two hours
earlier. He will have met your chum X-
man by now.‟
„Whaaaaat?!!‟
„Yes. Deal with it, sister. After all, he‟s
only making sure the chap isn‟t
a scoundrel.‟
mobil a nechtěl, abyses vybavovala s tím
kamarádíčkem X-manem, páč se bál, ţe se
máš sejít s někým, koho vŧbec neznáš.
Takţe šel na Fejsbŧk a předstíral, ţe je ty,
a domluvil se s X-manem na srazu o dvě
hoďky dřív a teď uţ je pravděpodobně
s tvým supr trup kámošem.“
„Coţeeeeeeeeeee?“
„Jojo, smiř se s tím sestro. A vŧbec, vţdyť
se chce jenom ujistit, ţe to není ţádnej
úchylák.“
We all stayed up like really late and
instead of getting pizza, Mum made
toasted sandwiches, which was tons better.
I had mine with bananas and Nutella. That
is so my favourite meal which I would like
so choose if I was being hanged the next
day or something?
Všichni jsme zŧstali vzhŧru do pozdních
hodin a místo pizzy nám mamka udělala
domácí zapečený toasty, který jsou
mnohonásobně lepší. Já jsem je měla
s banány a nutellou, coţ je moje nejvíc
nejoblíbenější jídlo, který bych si stopro
vybrala, kdybych měla jít druhej den na
popravu.
On the way home, she asked me to stop by
Dad‟s grave with her, and we stood
quietly arm-in-arm for a while,
remembering him.
Na cestě dom mě poprosila, jestli bych s ní
nezašla k tatínkovu hrobu. Poklidně jsme
tam stály zvěšené do sebe a vzpomínaly na
něj.
80
„Bet he can‟t believe you‟re fifty, Mo.‟
„Not sure I can.‟
„He wanted a little girl so much. Dead
chuffed when you turned up. Chest
expanded by a foot, I‟d say.‟
„Nice. Good men really love their
daughters, I find.‟
„Yes. We both love you very much. All
six foot and fifty years of you.‟
„Vsadím se, ţe by jen těţko věřil, ţe uţ ti
bude padesát. “
„Tak to sme dva.“
„Tolik si přál holčičku. A jak byl šťastnej,
kdyţ ses narodila. Hrudník mu samou
hrdostí málem prasknul, jak byl pyšnej.“
„To je hezký. Asi na tom něco bude, ţe
chlapi na svoje dcery nedají dopustit.“
„Jojo. Oba tě máme strašně rádi.“
Something in the tin bowl was boiling and
dripping out of the tube into her cup.
I stopped in my tracks to digest what I was
seeing.
„It‟s a desert still. Turns the steam into
fresh water. Never ever drink sea water or
urine, Mo, unless destilled like this.‟
„And that is?‟ Why did I ask? I knew.
„Urine. My own. Will be good drinking
water within the hour, Care to join me?‟
„Um. I would, but I‟ve got a bottle of
arsenic in my bag which I think I would
prefer. No offence.‟
V malé misce cosi vřelo a překapávalo se
přes trubičku do hrnku. Zastavila jsem se
na pŧli cesty a snaţila se přijít, o co jde.
„To je destilační zařízení, co se pouţívá na
poušti a co čistí špinavou vodu, aby se dala
pít. Pamatuj si Mo, nikdy nepij moč nebo
mořskou vodu, pokud ji nepředestiluješ.“
„A tohle je?“ Proč se vŧbec ptám, kdyţ to
vím? „Moje vlastní moč. Bude z ní pitná
voda zhruba za hodinu. Dáš si?“
„No, ráda bych, ale zrovna jsem si koupila
ke svačině láhev jedu, takţe budu muset
odmítnout. Bez uráţky.“
On Sunday morning, I was up very early,
about 5am, before anyone else was up.
I got dressed. I had a cup of tea and
V neděli ráno jsem vstala dost brzo. Bylo
po 5. hodině a nikdo ještě nebyl vzhŧru.
Oblíkla jsem se, dala jsem si čaj a zamířila
81
headed out to the car. I turned on the
ignition, put the car in gear, and headed
out into the road. No one was about. It had
been raining in the night, so it was very
fresh and the sun was just starting to light
up the world. I pulled over at the end of
our road. I took the blindfold out of my
pocket. It was one of those masks you are
given on the plane so you can sleep. If I
needed thrill and challenge, then I should
have it now, in my fifties.
ven k autu. Nastartovala jsem, zařadila
rychlost a vyjela na ulici. Nikde nikdo.
V noci pršelo, takţe vzduch byl čerstvý.
Slunce zrovna vycházelo nad obzor.
Zastavila jsem na konci ulice a vytáhla
z kapsy pásku přes oči, která se běţně
dostává v letadle, kdyţ chcete spát. Pokud
jsem někdy touţila po něčem bláznivým
a vzrušujícím, není lepší doba neţ právě
teď.
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4. THEORETICAL PART
Theoretical part will deal with the modern approach to the process of translation
and the analysis of the selected parts from the practical part. Firstly, I will outline the
concept of the theory of equivalence, which will be supported by two linguists whose
points of view helped me to understand the principle of this theory. I deliberately
avoided mentioning more authors and their points of view as it was not an intention of
the thesis. As a contrast, I will also mention one linguist that stands against the theory of
equivalence, as I want to demonstrate the reasons for chosing the first method.
Secondly, I will examine in greater detail more theoretical background that I had
to take into consideration before I started to work on my practical part. I particularly
focus on the role of a translator, reader and the style and their importance within the
whole process.
Finally, and perhaps more importantly, I will analyze my translastion in terms of
lexical, grammatical and textual equivalence based on the outline of Dagmar Knittlová.
A large number of secondary sources will support a detailed study of the analysis as well
as theoretical problems that occured within my work.
4.1 THE THEORY OF EQUIVALENCE
The theory of various attitudes to the translation has been discussed since 1960s
and it is the question of the theory of equivalence that is considered to be one of the
most proclaimed methods in these days. It deals with the question: What is the best
option for translation from the source language to the target one? In this case, it stresses
83
the possibility to transfer all the information from the text of the source language to the
text of a target one, even if both grammatical language systems differ (Knittlová 5).
Concerning the individual linguists supporting this theory and ideas that I have
identified with, there is John Cunnison Catford. He came up with the idea that the
expressions in SL and TL do not have to have linguistically the same meaning, but they
can operate in the same situation (Knitlová 10). In fact, translations can be performed
between any pair of related or unrelated languages and with any kind of spatial,
temporal social or other relationship between them (Catford 20). However, according to
the opinion of Milan Hrdlička, the concept of equivalence can be problematic.
Překlad a originál jsou dvě odlišné a svéprávné kulturní hodnoty.
Překladateli musí jít nejen o originál, ale také o kulturní poslání překladu v
novém prostředí. Badatelé se v zásadě shodují v názoru, ţe by měl mezi
výchozím a cílovým textem nastat vztah překladové ekvivalence … resp.
adekvátnosti, tj. ţe by měl být cílový text optimální variantou předlohy. (10)
In my work, I was also greatly influenced by the work of Jiří Levý who is
considered to be one of the most significant Czech linguists dealing with the theory of
translation. Not only is he concerned with many theoretical problems occurring within
the process of translation but also he finds and explains the reasons of the problems
using a great deal of examples from Czech and foreign pieces of literature. His
statements and theoretical background proceed from his many years of research and
experience. Translation is viewed as the process of giving out the information. More
specifically, a translator decodes the message contained in the original text and
84
rephrases it into his own language. The message in the translated text is then decoded
by a target reader.
Moreover, he attempts to find a way to translation that would be more adequate
and artistically valuable. Therefore, he is claimed to be a defender of a theory of
equivalence, which is supported by the statement in his book Umění překladu where the
Polish theoretician Zenon Klemensiewicz emphasizes that:
Úkolem překladatelovým není reprodukovat, a tím méně přetvářet elementy
a struktury originálu, nýbrţ vystihnout jejich funkci, a uţít místo nich
elementy a struktury vlastního jazyka, které by v míře co největší mohly být
jejich substituty a ekvivalenty stejně vhodnými a účinnými. (8)
Jiří Levý also stands up against the mechanical translation as he claims that
„strojový překlad nemŧţe a nechce být interpretací, a proto při strojovém překladu se
mŧţe část informace ztratit, ale ne získat‟ (9). He also arguments that „jazyk předlohy
a jazyk překladu nejsou přímočaře souměřitelné. Jazykové prostředky dvou jazykŧ
nejsou “ekvivalentní”, a proto nelze převádět mechanicky‟ (23). Furthermore, he states
that the more the translator‟s searching for Czech equivalents is independent and
creative, the more the reproduction of the original is accurate (30). He perceives
a functional point of view as a basic concept in the theory and practical use of
translation that examines which individual language elements have communicative
functions, and which communicative means in a particular language can fulfil the same
function. In addition, he pays attention to a translator himself as he stands in the centre
of the whole translation process. Therefore, it is possible to consider translation to be
the demonstration or the expression of author‟s individuality (Levý 8-10).
85
The translator must bear in mind that s/he translates the author‟s interpretation of
reality and that is what s/he has to depict in his translation, otherwise, it would lead to
correction or even improvement of the original. Moreover, the text of the original
should not be perceived as a base for further work, but there are ideas and esthetical
values that need to be taken into consideration. However, the process of translation does
not end with creation of the text since the translator has to be aware of the readers for
whom the original is translated (Levý 14-16). In conclusion, the aim of the translator‟s
work is to keep, capture and retell the original work and not to create the new work with
no precursor. S/he has to be above all a stylistically gifted writer (Levý 30-67).
As opposed to the linguists supporting the theory of equivalence, there is Peter
Newmark who claimed that there is no such a thing as a perfect translation and he
introduces the method of semantic and communicative translation, which is considered
to be his main contribution to the translation theory. This new method suggested that
linguistic barriers were insuperable and that language was entirely the product of culture
and that translation was impossible. It follows that it must be as literal as possible
(“Textbook on translation” 46).
In reality, though, both methods can be found in every translation to a certain
extent as it depends on which text is concerned and what needs to be emphasized
(Knittlová 10).
In summary, in both communicative and semantic translation, Peter Newmarks
claims that „the literal word-for-word translation is not only the best, it is the only valid
method of translation‟ (“About translation” 10), although he admits that pragmatic
messages can always be transferred from one language to another (“Paragraphs on
translation” 217).
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4.2 THE PROBLEM OF TRANSLATABILITY
The concept of translatability is considered to be one of the basic questions in
translation studies. Jiří Levý states that:
Práce tlumočníkŧ, odborných a literárních překladatelŧ má společné
především ty problémy, které vyplývají z rozdílnosti dvou jazykŧ,
výchozího a cílového [...] při dešifrování výchozího textu a přenosu sdělení
do jiného jazyka. (6)
Lawrence Venuti regards translation with suspicion as it „domesticates foreign
texts, inscribing them with linguistic and cultural values that are intelligible to specific
domestic constituencies‟ and while the original bears a representation of foreign culture,
it can be lost or damaged in the process of transfer to the target language (“The Scandals
of Translation” 67). Further, Popovič uses terms translational pessimism for the
impossibility of translation and optimism for the trust in the possibility of
communication via translation (13). The former is supported by W. Winter who doubts
the attainment of adequate translation pointing out that „čím dŧkladněji se odchyluje
jeden jazyk od druhého, tím méně se při převodu dá z předlohy zachránit‟ (520).
Even if Milan Hrdlička acknowledges that there are some shifts in the process of
translation, he also admits that the differences can be successfully surmounted and so he
is a defender of translational optimism (“Překladatelské Miniatury” 12-13).
Once the text is translated into the target language, translation should be
invisible i.e. that the reader perceives the text not as translation but the original without
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any stylistic, grammatical or lexical imperfections but keeping the foreign writer‟s
personality or intention or the essential meaning of the foreign text. This illusion of
transparency is thus an effect of fluent translation strategy to insure easy readability. To
this, Venuti adds that „the more fluent the translation, the more visible the translator,
and, presumably, the more visible the writer or meaning of the text‟ (“The translator‟s
invisibility” 1).
4.3 THE ROLE OF A READER
A reader presents one of the main concerns of a translator. In fact, Hrdlička
states that „orientace uměleckého překladu na čtenáře ovlivňuje překladatelskou
konkretizaci předlohy, promítá se do překladatelova přístupu k originálu i k procesu
překladu uměleckého slovesnéo komunikátu‟ (5). Thus, a translator has to be aware of
what, where, when and particularly for whom s/he translates. In addition, Komissarov
claims that the effect on the reader cannot be achieved only with the original because
we have to take into account the diversification of the audience in terms of the age,
gender, intellect, education, experience, etc. The extent of the orientation on the reader
has its limits as the translator should take into consideration two significant factors: the
original work and the reader to whom the work is addressed.
In conclusion, the translator should achieve to depict an adequate interpretation
of the original work and the intention of the author. At the same time, an orientation of
the target text on the reader is objectively necessary and there are many shifts in the
target text. Therefore, the translator needs to find an optimal balance with regard to the
original and the reader, which is reviewed as a key feature of a translator‟s mastery
(Hrdlička 5-7).
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4.4 THE ROLE OF A TRANSLATOR
A translator is considered to be a mediator between the source and the target text
and the most significant person in the whole process of translation. Daniela Müglová
nicely characterizes his role as a transmitter who brings the mental richness of other
cultures to the target reader as it is the transmission of the most precious possession one
can have (109).
We need to realize that the translator her/himself is a reader in the first place. In
fact, the very first phase of translation begins as a reader understanding the text
(Miššíková 39). A good translator should be a good reader for two reasons. Firstly, s/he
needs to understand the ideological and aesthetic values of the source text and recognize
and identify the specific linguistic features that are unique for the text that will be
transmitted to the reader. Secondly, it is essential to comprehend the portrayed reality,
for instance relationships between the characters, the setting or the atmosphere of the
work for an appropriate interpretation (Levý 15-18).
However, the problems with misinterpretation can arise not only on the level of
words but also on the level of ideas. For instance, the translator can be unable to
imagine the reality described or misunderstand the message (18). Also, the wrong
interpretation of the text can cause the translator to focus on a different target reader
than intended by the author of the source text. On that account, interpretation should
always be an active and motivated approach to the text aimed at the highest possible
objectivity, which needs to be transmitted into another language system (Hrdlička 27-
29).
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We can conclude this chapter with a proposition made by Jiří Levý who stated
that „cílem překladatelovy práce je zachovat, vystihnout, sdělit pŧvodní dílo, nikoliv
vytvořit dílo nové, které by nemělo předchŧdce; cíl překladu je reprodukční‟ (“Umění
překladu” 30).
4.5 THE DEFINITION OF STYLE
The depiction of the style of the original text belongs to the one of the most
important and the most demanding requirements that is placed on artistic translation
(“15x o překladu” 28).
In technical terms, Verdonk defines concept of a style as a „distinctive linguistic
expression‟ while it is essential to consider „what makes an expression distinctive, why
it has been devised and what effect it has‟ (3). On that account, a stylistic analysis does
not focus on every single word or a structure within the text, but rather on those that
stand out, which creates a psychological effect called foregrounding (Verdonk 3-6).
Leech and Short think of style as „the linguistic characteristics of a particular
text…something that belongs to the text as a whole‟ (34). It concerns the usage of the
language in a given context, by a given person and for a given purpose (10). Further,
Josef Vachek uses the definition of style made by Vilém Mathesius as follows:
„Individual, unifying character found to be present in any work resulting from
intentional activity‟. He also uses the term „personal style‟ which is „inimitable and
cannot be learned‟ (114-116).
Gabriela Miššíková perceives the concept of the style as a central issue for
reading, analysis and interpretation of the texts and its influence on the process
of translation. According to her, the translator‟s perception of the style and the
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recognition of specific stylistic means will have a great impact on the creation of the
target text. In addition, she believes translator should pursue the characteristic features
of the text at all levels, such as „sentence patterns, lexical choices, means of visual and
linguistic foregrounding, paragraphing and segmentation of the text, overall inlay of the
page, the use of extra-linguistic means, etc.‟ By following these aspects of the source
text, the translator will be able to comprehend the essential nature of the text and its
specific functions properly (38).
From a stylistic point of view, the translator has to be able to answer the
following questions before the process of translation begins. Who is the narrator? Who
is the audience? Where does the story take place? When does the story take place? From
whose perspective is the story told?
To conclude the theoretical part, I will use the quotation made by Jiří Levý on
the work of the translator:
Objevování a volba začínají tam, kde překladatel má k dispozici více
stylistických moţností a musí mezi nimi volit podle potřeb kontextu: tam
také končí řemeslo a začíná umění. (“Umění překladu” 28)
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5. ANALYSIS
In this part, I will analyse my translation from the practical part according to the
theory of equivalence and the analysis will be based on the premise of J.C. Catford who
claimed that even if the source and target language are linguistically different, they
operate in the same situation.
For the purposes of my thesis, I will make use of the outline of Dagmar
Knittlová for several reasons. Firstly, I really appreciate that her book Překlad
a překládání is straightforwadly focused on the translation from English to Czech,
which I consider a great help to analyse my translation thoroughly. Secondly, all the
difficulties that the Czech translator can encounter are outlined into three main parts.
Furthermore, not only does she deal with theoretical questions of translating but she
also clarifies her points of view on a number of examples supported by her many years
of practice and experience. Finally, she is regarded as a proponent of the theory of
equivalence, which is the main interest of my thesis and the most challenging and
demanding task I have come across within my practical part.
Due to all these reasons mentioned, the analysis of my translation will be
supported by the outline of Dagmar Knittlová who works with the theory of equivalence
on the three levels namely lexical, grammatical and textual. Also, the analysis and
particular problems will be discussed and supported by Mona Baker, Jiří Levý, Milan
Hrdlička and others, in addition to providing examples from the practical part.
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5.1 LEXICAL EQUIVALENCE
When we compare the lexical units in one language with their equivalents in
a second, we encounter many differences in connotation, denotation and pragmatics and
it depends on the translator to distinguish not only literary and non-literary texs, but also
the meaning of individual words and phrases and the style used. Moreover, there is also
a semantic difference emerging from different approaches to the reality, level of the
abstraction or emphasising different aspects.
Therefore, lexical equivalence can be further divided into three categories - the
absolute equivalence, partial equivalence and zero equivalence (Knittlová 39).
5.1.1 Zero equivalence
Zero equivalence means that the target language has no direct equivalent for
a word occurring in the source text (Knittlová 113). Mona Baker, who uses the term
non-equivalence for the same concept, provides a list of possible common difficulties.
According to her, the common types of zero equivalence are:
a) culture-specific concepts
b) the source language concept is not lexicalized in the target one
c) the source-language word is semantically complex
d) the source and target languages make different distinctions in meaning
e) the target language lacks a specific term
f) differences in physical or interpersonal perspective
g) differences in expressive meaning
h) differences in form
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i) the use of loan words in the source text or false friends
To deal with this difficulty, she proposes to assess a word‟s significance in
a given context as not every example of zero-equivalence is significant and it is not
convenient to reproduce every aspect of meaning for every word (21-25). In other
words, she suggests that:
We have to try, as much as possible, to convey the meaning of key words
which are focal to the understanding and developmet of a text, but we
cannot and should not distract the reader by looking at every word in
isolation and attemting to present him/her with a full linguistic account of its
meaning. (26)
In Czech translations, non-existing equivalent is usually substituted by
borrowing a foreign word or by Czechisizing a word and by using a more general word.
When borrowing a word, it is usually connected to the geographical names and
technical terms. Also, the lexical terms can be completely omitted (Knittlová 113-114).
French’s original My translation
[…] united in the pursuit of a nightly pint
of Guinness (hence the G-team).
As we sang „Auld Lang Syne‟ and saluted
the midnight moment […]
[…] soudrţná fungující jednotka scházející
se za účelem večerního půllitru Guinesse
(od toho G-tým).
Kdyţ jsme zpívali „Narodil se Kristus
Pán“ a slavili příchod novýho roku […]
When to choose a Panama, a Homburg
or a simple Fez? Which is exactly le
chapeau juste?
Kdy je kupříkladu příhodná doba pro
cylindr, buřinku nebo obyčejný slamák?
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[…] paltry style offerings of Pangbourne
nor indeed of Wokingham and God forbid
I should be forced to descent into the
ultimate cultural abyss: Reading […]
[…] mizérie, kterou nabízí Pangbourne
a Wokingham a Bŧh chraň, abych byl
nucen klesnout aţ na samé dno kulturního
barbarství města Readingu […]
In this case, I decided not to translate local names for drinks and towns to Czech
as I intended to make the readers aware of the fact that they will be reading the story
taking place in England. However, I translated the names of the hats and a song as
I regarded them not so important for the overall impression, and instead of a long
explanation, I opted for finding an appropriate equivalent in Czech. I have found
a support in a statement by Jiří Levý who claims that a translator can allow absolute or
partial keeping of the cultural particularities of the original text according to the target
reader‟s knowledge of other culture (“Úvod do teorie překladu” 32).
5.1.2 Absolute equivalence
The absolute equivalence deals with the lexical items that have the same
meaning and function in the source and the target language. It primarily refers to the
basic lexical items of Czech fund namely people, parts of a human body, objects in our
surroundings, animals, time data and other rather abstract concepts in a direct
relationship towards the humans. They are lexical items with nearly unambiguous
denotative meaning (Knittlová 40).
French’s original My translation
Dry skin on knees, elbows, scalp, feet. Suchá kŧţe na kolenech, loktech, hlavě
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Oily skin on whole face.
Eczema elbows, knees, back of knees.
a chodidlech. Na obličeji zas jedna velká
mastnota. Ekzemický lokty, kolena a zadní
část kolen.
The bloody dog is pregnant Ten blbej pes je v jináči.
At 5.45 pm today she had the actual nerve
to inform me that
V 5.45 odpoledne měla tu drzost mi
oznámit
[…] Pater who requested that I drop by
her office after school […]
[…] kdy mě otec poţádal, ať se zastavím
po škole do kanceláře […]
In this category, we also include the verbs of actions denoting human processes,
adjectives describing objective qualities and space adverbials (Knittlová 41).
French’s original My translation
He grabbed it from me and read the list
aloud […]
Vytrhnul mi seznam z ruky, začal ho číst
nahlas […]
„Hi, Maureen, gorgeous to see you!‟ „Čau, Maureen, moc ráda tě vidím!“
[…] she announced with giant confidence
that she was hitherto only
eatingwhitefood.
[…] hrdě oznámila, ţe bude od dnešního
dne jíst pouze jídlobílé barvy.
On arriving home […] Kdyţ jsem dojela dom […]
[…] and he ran up the stairs. […] a hnal se nahoru.
Usually, absolute equivalents are symmetrical in terms of formality. It means
that the one-word or multi-word lexical items in the source language will be the same in
the target language as well (Knittlová 41).
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French’s original My translation
We all stayed up like really late […] Všichni jsme zůstali vzhůru do pozdních
hodin […]
Sweaty gym towels left on bedroom floor
Propocený ručníkyz posilky nechává
v koupelně na zemi
If you would like to speak with mother
Mo […]
Pokud si přejete mluvit s matkou Mo […]
Since Czech and English are not only typologically but also culturally and
geographically distant languages, there are not many absolute equivalents to be found.
On the contrary, partial equivalents significantly prevail. Thus, these differences
between languages are further divided into: formal, denotative, connotative and
pragmatic (Knittlová 41-42).
5.1.3 Formal differences
5.1.3.1 More lexical items in English – less in Czech
Technically speaking, English is an analytical language using specific
grammatical words, or particles, rather than inflection, to express syntactic relations
within sentences and is overall more explicit. On the other hand, Czech is viewed as
a synthetic language in which syntactic relations are expressed by inflection (the change
in the form of a word that indicates distinctions of tense, person, gender, number, mood,
voice, and case) or by agglutination (word formation by means of morpheme or word
unit). Moreover, a whole sentence may consist of a single word, usually a verb form
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(Britannica). Therefore, Czech usually uses fewer words to express the same idea in
English.
French’s original My translation
Roddy brings to our merry table his
extraordinary knowledge of musical
theatre […]
Roddy nás oblaţuje výjimečnou znalostí
muzikálu […]
For any workplace – unless it‟s a lap-
dancing club.
Vlastně se nehodí nikam - leda tak do
bordelu.
She swanned by and gave me a little
wave.
Přicupitala ke mně a zamávala.
[…] to help you ward off wild animals
[…]
[…] bude muset pomoct odhánět divokou
zvěř […]
I put the light on to discover her standing
there […]
Rozsvítila jsem a viděla, jak tam stojí […]
Today, she was wearing combat trousers,
hiking boots and a short-sleeved beige
shirt.
Dneska měla na sobě maskáče, pohorky
a béţový triko s rukávem […]
However, Czech can be also analytic especially when there is no equivalent to
English verb or Czech does not have one word for some terms.
French’s original My translation
As Karen blathered on incessantly about
basters and thermometers and convection
Karen neustále mlela o stříkačkách na
podlévání, termometru a marinádách
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cookers […] a nádivkách a nějakým spešl nádobí, kde
pečete bez použití oleje.
And she doesn‟t even know how to write
the bloody statement anyway.
Ale co, beztak ví kulový, jak napsat
pojebanou přihlášku na vejšku.
[…] the widespread infection known as
the „hoodie’ has undoubtedly destroyed
acres of taste […]
[…] rozsáhlá epidemie známá coby
„mikina s kapucí“nepochybně zabila vkus
[…]
5.1.3.2 Explicity – Implicity
Multi-word expressions tend to be more explicit i.e. the translators have an
inclination to use more words when the English lexical item needs to be provided with
further explanation. Moreover, the prolonged phrases are in many cases regarded as
more-readable (Knittlová 44-45).
French’s original My translation
[…] deodorant would help to taunch the
underarm flow […]
[…] deodorantu zabráním nadměrnému
pocení v oblasti podpažní […]
She was wearing a turquoise low-cut
Indian smock-top with sequins sewn into
the cleavage […]
Měla na sobě tyrkysovou indiánskou
halenku s hlubokým výstřihem
a našitýma flitrama […]
Czech equivalents of English nominal phrases are usually grammatically more
explicit as they cannot use the same semantically thick structures and some of the
lexical items are joined via preposition (Knittlová 44).
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French’s original My translation
[…] or am I just a silly menopausal
twerp?
[…] nebo uţ je ze mě bláznivá kráva
v přechodu?
Sweaty gym towels left on bedroom floor
Propocený ručníky z posilky nechává
v koupelně na zemi
[…] how errant my eyebrow hairs have
become.
[…] jak nezvedené mám chloupky
v obočí.
If you would like to speak with wanton
amoral fast harlot potentionally
adulterous lunatic Mo […]
Pokud si přejete mluvit se zhýralou
běhnou bez špetky morálních zásad
a potenciální nevěrnicí Mo […]
However, a final translated text should not be much longer than its original.
Therefore, it is essential to reduce the text by omitting information, which is not
regarded as important. This process is called implicity (Knittlová 45), which Mona
Baker claims does not cause any harm to the text. She explains that „if the meaning
conveyed by a particular item or an expression is not vital enough to the development of
the text to justify distracting the reader with lengthy explanations, translators can and
often do simply omit translating the word or expression in question‟ (40).
French’s original My translation
I felt a pall of humiliation creeping over
me […]
[…] zavalil mě pocit naprostýho
zoufalství […]
Calm down. Calm down. Dejchej, dejchej…
[…] and getting really fat. […] a tloustnutí.
[…] coursing through my veins from last […] že mám v krvi ještě pořád trochu
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night. whiskey ze včerejška.
[…] and hasten off to class. […] a pospícháme do třídy.
[…] significant display of hirsute
manliness has recently sprouted.
[…] začaly nedávno rašit první známky
mužnosti.
My sister, the empty-headed lady. Sestra je hříčka přírody a dutohlav
k tomu.
5.1.4 Differences in denotation
Denotation stands for „the primary meaning of a lexical item, involving its
relationship to the non-linguistic entities which it represents‟ (“K teorii i praxi
překladu” 200). Differences in denotation arise from the different naming of the reality,
different level of abstraction and different approaches translators adopt. Nevertheless,
the denotative information remains unchanged as it fulfils the same or similar function
in the text (Knittlová 47).
5.1.4.1 Specification
The most notable semantic difference between lexical units in English and its
Czech equivalents is that the equivalent contains an extra semantic constituent. This
process is called specification or substitution by hyponym and it is related with
a tendency towards the explicity or even explicability. In technical terms, a hyponym is
a word of more specific meaning that is included within the meaning of a general or
superordinate term applicable to it (Hatim, Munday 37). On the contrary, the term
generalization or substitution by hyperonym, which signifies „a linguistic expression
whose literal meaning is inclusive of, but wider and less specific than, the range of
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literal meaning of another expression (Knittlová 201)‟ is used when some constituent is
suppressed. In any case, a shift towards the explicity is observed particularly with the
verbs, which is connected with the difference between nominal English and verbal
Czech. In fact, the mutual reversibility does not exist between Czech and English verbs.
As with the former we have to take into account the existence of verbal aspect that plays
a significant role in the Czech language (Knittlová 48-49).
For example, semantically poor verbs of motion such as go or come have many
possibilities of translation in Czech.
French’s original My translation
Book limousine or check if I can go in
someone else‟s […]
Zamluvit limuzínu nebo zjistit, jestli bych
senevešla k někomu jinýmu […]
[…] I had to drink up, make my excuses
and go.
[…] ţe jsem musela rychle dopít, na něco
se vymluvit a vypadnout.
Bag to go with dress Kabelka hodící se k šatŧm
I can‟t have come from that wonk. Přece jsem nemohla vylízt z takovýho
mimoně.
[…] it has lately come to my attention that
[…]
[…] nemohl mému zraku uniknout fakt
[…]
In the case of communicative verb say, there are incomparably richer
equivalents in Czech as well. That is why it was not a problem to find more adequate
equivalents with regard to the given situation instead of neutral říct.
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French’s original My translation
What weird word old people say […] Stejně ale pro to starý lidi používaj divný
výrazy […]
Why do people say dogs don‟t laugh […] Nechápu, proč lidi tvrdí, ţe se psi
nesmějou […]
He said, „Wow, you‟re so tall! Povídá: „Páni, vy jste ale vysoká!
Kitty Cook, the head plastic in my year,
said he was a troll-boy.
Kitty Cooková, největší bárbína z ročníku,
ho označila za váguse.
we just kept talking about it and she said
we should like play a sort of game […]
Pak jsme si o tom vykládaly a ona
navrhla zahrát si takovou tu hru na pravdu
[…]
Noel shot up of his chair looking not a
little surprised and said, „Peter – Oscar
[…]
Noel vystřelil ze ţidle a netvářil se ani
trochu překvapeně, kdyţ vyhrkl […]
She said, „Oscar, you are ranting. Stop it
immediately, this isn‟t clever or funny.
Začala ječet: „Oskare, co je to tady za
tijátr?
The queen o‟ the night turned to me and
said, „Thanks, Pete […]
Královna večera se ke mně otočila
a pronesla: „Díky Petře […]
The Pater saidit was because he doesn‟t
want you on there, on Facebook.
Otec ti nakecal, ţe je, páč nechtěl, abys
lezla na Fejsbŧk.
A great deal of examples can be found within the verb be and its Czech
equivalents.
French’s original My translation
103
[…] they knew how nuts she can be? […] páč co by asi lidi dělali, kdyby věděli,
ţe se chová jak magor?
Got to be honest, I‟m a bit jealous […] Musim se přiznat, ţe trochu ţárlim na její
doprovod […]
Perhaps the more pertinent question
should be […]
Relevantnější otázka měla spíše znít […]
What appeared to be eight or so bodies
[…]
[…] cosi, co vypadalo jako propletenec
osmi těl.
Also, I include several examples of specification within the verbs make, tell and
know.
French’s original My translation
Like maybe an old one like Blue or
something to make it cheaper?)
Moţná nějakou starší jako Backstreet
Boys, aby to vyšlo levnějc.
I had to drink up, make my excuses and
go
[…] na něco sevymluvit a vypadnout.
and I might even make a special offer […] moţná eště vytvořim novou skupinu
se speciální nabídkou […]
There isn‟t, but they managed to make
disgusting grunting noises
Samozřejmě ţe není, ale oni po celej večer
zvládli s bravurou sobě vlastní vydávat
nechutný chrochtící zvuky […]
I can always tell when she‟s laughing. Bobinu to vţdycky rozesměje a já
poznám, kdyţ se usmívá.
I could tell Mum was stressing […] Bylo mi jasný, ţe matka zase vyšiluje […]
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I know you have a schoolboy (ouch) crush
(ouch) on Noel […]
Chápu, ţe proţíváš školáckou (au)
poblázněnost (au) k Noelovi […]
Don’t know what her name was before
she married Dad… […]
[…]netušim jak se menovala, neţ si vzala
tátu… […]
How do you know if you‟re good at it? Jak požnáš, ţe jsi v tom dobrá?
From the examples listed above, it can be summarized that Czech equivalents of
English the most frequent verb groups are semantically richer and more specific as the
verbs contain either more information or they express more explicitly the information
that are only implicated in English.
As far as the other word types are concerned, there is significantly less cases of
adding of semantic constituents. Nevertheless, I add several examples of more specified
nouns and adjectives (Knittlová 58-59).
French’s original My translation
Hair on sides of face like Mr. Darcy. Hair
on top lip. Small thin hair under chin.
Hair in nostrils
Kotlety jak Elvis Presley. Knírek nad
horním rtem. Pár chloupků na bradě.
Chlupy v nose.
What weird word old people say […] Stejně ale pro to starý lidi pouţívaj divný
výrazy […]
Teeth uneven and yellow Křivý zažloutlý zuby
Colour – mostly pale grey-ish or bright
red.
Barva většinou našedlá nebo spařeně
rudá.
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Specification can be also aimed at secondary semantic meaning when there is an
emotive constituent in Czech equivalent added to stylistically neutral English
expression (Knittlová 58). However, this particular aspect will be dealt with in the
chapter focused on the differences in connotation.
5.1.4.2 Generalization
According to Hrdlička, generalization is about „pouţití výrazŧ významově nebo
formálně obecnějších, neutrálních místo výrazŧ speciálnějších, zvláštních a esteticky
zabarvených‟ (“Translatologický slovník” 77). The reduction of semantic constituents is
in the relation of English toward Czech less frequent, yet it affects mostly the nouns.
Levý supports this idea by claiming that generalization is considered to be inevitable
within local expressions (“Umění překladu” 52). However, this process can be applied
with verbs as well.
French’s original My translation
Nightly pint of Guinness Večerního půllitru Guinesse
I think there is still a bit of Southern
Comfort coursing through my veins from
last night.
Ale pozor, myslím, ţe mám v krvi ještě
pořád trochu whiskey ze včerejška.
When to choose a Panama, a Homburg
or a simple Fez?
Kdy je kupříkladu nejpříhodnější doba pro
cylindr, buřinku nebo obyčejný slamák?
prawns from M&S krevetami z Tesca
Last week I attempted to purchase a
simple cravat.
Minulý týden jsem se pokoušel zakoupit si
docela obyčejnou kravatu […]
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Book Hummer limo for me to arrive in Zamluvit pořádnou limuzínu, ve který
dojedu na party
I am regarded as a Jekyll and Hyde […] […] říká, ţe mám rozpolcenou osobnost
jako Jekyll a Hyde.
[…] had I been condemned to walk on the
pavement […]
[…] kdybych byl nucen jít po chodníku
[…]
I ran a bath with Matey bubbles in […] Já jsem mezitím napustila horkou vodu,
přidala do ní pěnu […]
Levý claims that the generalization is the consequence of both the assymetry of
languages, which forces translators to use more general equivalent in the target
language, or different social consciousness of readers of the original and the translation
(“Umění překladu” 52). In Hrdlička‟s opinion it is also „dŧsledek odvozenosti překladu
a zase je někdy objektivně vynucen změnou jazykového materiálu, jindy je zaviněn
netvŧrčím poměrem překladatele k uměleckému ztvárňování díla‟ (77).
When looking for proper equiavalents, I followed a strategy suggested by Mona
Baker who claims that translation by cultural substitution involves „replacing a culture-
specific item or expression with a target-language item which does not have the same
propositional meaning but is likely to have a similar impact on the target reader‟ (31).
I was certainly aware of cultural differences between Czech and English and
I deliberately used more general expressions as I decided for the purpose of my
translation that it would be rather useless for Czech readers to know the specific names
of English shops, pieces of clothes or beverages. Moreover, I am persuaded that the
effect on the reader will not be much different.
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5.1.5 Differences in connotation
Hrdlička regards connotation as
„... nepřímé, obrazné vyjádření sloţek obsahu. Vyjádření obsahem je přitom
moţné zvláštním pouţitím denotativních jednotek jazyka a to v dŧsledku
jejich bohatých významových, ţivotních a kulturně-historických asociací,
jimiţ se mohou konotovat druhotné významy‟ (“Překladatelské miniatury”
23).
To put it differently, it stands for an „additional meaning which a lexical item
acquires beyond its primary, referential meaning‟ (“K teorii i praxi překladu” 199).
Every language has a distinctive and characteristic connotation in meaning and there are
not two languages with completely similar semantic connotation. On that account, an
absolute agreement between source language and target one is viewed impossible.
Furthermore, the difficulty of transferring the ideas is related to emotional aspect of
human consciousness which is not considered similar within one language community
as every person operates with a language in a different way. Basically, expressive and
stylistic connotations can be distinguished and together with the denotation they play
a crucial role in correct understanding of a message of the text. Therefore, a functional
translation is considered to be the most appropriate method of transferring individual
items from source to target language (Knittlová 62). This method is based on the
premise that „… se v překladu při nedostatku formální korespondence jakýchkoli prvkŧ
volí jiný prvek vzhledem na jeho výrazovou korespondenci s příslušným prvkem textu
překladu‟ (Hrdlička 13).
In the process of translation, the translators need to use different syntactical
structures and more common collocations and expressions and benefit maximally from
108
the richness of the Czech language. The translation is then more fluent, idiomatic and
readable (Knittlová 63-64). In the next chapter, I will investigate more closely the
individual examples of expressive connotations.
5.1.5.1 Expressive connotations
Expressivity is viewed as an accentuation of an utterance and intensification of
language items towards the perception of a reader. It consists of two significant
constituents: emotionality and intensity. The choice of emotional expressions is
influenced by the relationships of the translator towards the reality. When translating
into structurally different language, it is therefore inevitable to keep the function and
equivalence of connotative constituents. Whereas emotional expressions in English are
more concentrated and emerged from context, in Czech they are divided in more
constituents of the utterance where emotionality combines with the stylistic usage of
language layers that are rather informal. On that account, many inequalities are found
when comparing lexical items of source and target language (Knittlová 62-63).
The most distinctive case of expressive connotation is the usage of diminutives
in the Czech language the choice of which depends on translator‟s interpretation of the
original work.
French’s original My translation
I would like sooo love it. With their tiny
tiny teeth and tiny tiny hot tongues
licking your face.
To by se mi fakt líbílo, kdyby mi těma
svýma mrňavoučkýma horkýma
jazýčkama oblizovali tváře
a malinkatýma mini zoubkama
109
okusovali obličej.
kind of easy-come easy-go sort of place. […] jaká je u nás pohodička […]
Glasses (with umbrellas, cherries etc.) Skleničky (s deštníčkama, třešinkama
atd.)
[…] IUS/IUD (tiny metal anchors that go
all the way up inside, ow) […]
[…] nitroděloţní antikoncepce (mrňavá
kovová kotvička, která se strčí dovnitř, au)
[…]
Admittedly thesong is a tiny bit […] Řekněmě si upřímně, písnička je trošičku
[…]
Short jacket or, like fake fur wrap thing Krátký sáčko nebo umělá koţešina přes
ramena
Own Party. 18th
Bunny Bonanza Narozky. Králíčková párty.
Get bunny outfit (ordinary, sexy outfit but
with bunny ears and tail)
Sehnat králíčkovskej obleček (normální
sexy obleček s králičíma ouškama
a ocáskem)
However, diminutive suffix does not have to indicate a positive approach to the
reality and it can be used to express an irony or negative relationship.
French’s original My translation
[…] she may not be best acquainted with a
little friend I like to call „taste‟.
[…] ţe se příliš nesblíţila s mým
kamarádíčkem, kterého si dovoluji
nazývat “vkus”.
[…] and poor dear dull Mama has no […] ale ta hloupučká nebohá ţenština
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inkling of my cunning devices. nemá vŧbec tušení, […]
I know it‟s like totally plastic to want a
mini-dog but […]
Vim, ţe pejsci do kabelky jsou děsně
barbínovský, ale […]
[…] YOU SILLY NAUGHTY FOOL!‟ […] TY MŦJ UBOHÝ HLUPÁČKU!“
In the Czech language, the translator needs to use creativity and make
a maximum use of Czech immensely rich vocabulary especially diminutives and
emotionally tinted expressions. Furthermore, the huge advantage in the word-making
process is undoubtedly using prefixes and suffixes to create derivatives (Levý 24). On
the other hand, English expresses emotionality rather analytically and lexically i.e.
using a combination of neutral lexical items with expressions carrying emotional aspect.
The most frequent expression is a word little (Knittlová 66).
French’s original My translation
I can admit how much his little twig legs
always freaked me out […]
Aspoň si teď mŧţu přiznat, ţe mě děsily
jeho krátký kostnatý nožky […]
A little friend s mým kamarádíčkem
A device to express intensity in terms of something not big is a word tiny that is
prolonged with suffixes in Czech.
French’s original My translation
Admittedly the song is a tiny bit […] Řekněmě si upřímně, písnička je trošičku
[…]
[…] tiny tiny teeth and tiny tiny hot […] mrňavoučkýma horkýma jazýčkama
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tongues […] oblizovali tváře a malinkatýma mini
zoubkama […]
So Poo would give birth to a lot of tiny
poos.
Bobina by pak mohla porodit spoustu
mrňavých bobíkŧ.
Another part that belongs to the category of expressives is the interjections,
symbols of human feelings and words with strong emotional meaning. Interjections are
generally divided into primary and secondary.
Maria Josep Cuenca, the Spanish linguist, comments on the translation of
interjections. She claims that it is not a matter of word translation and „it implies
translating discourse meanings which are language (Cuenca).‟ Moreover, the translator
has to interpret its semantic and pragmatic meaning as well as the context of use and
only then look for a form that can convey that meaning and produce either an identical
or similar effect on the reader.
In the category of primary interjections, they are viewed as simple vocal units,
sometimes very close to nonverbal devices. Actually, the main problem for translation
is the existence of identical or similar forms cross-linguistically whose conditions of use
and frequency may not coincide, which is the case of the English and Czech as there is
no correspondence in the usage interjections and their occurrence in English is higher
(Cuenca, Knittlová 70).
French’s original My translation
„Um. I would, but I‟ve got a bottle of
arsenic in my bag […]
„No, ráda bych, ale zrovna jsem si koupila
ke svačině láhev jedu […]
112
[…] erm… bland. Yes, a bit, generic, with
lots of “ooo baby‟s” in it, like they do,
haha, erm, but it certainly shows promise
[…]
[…] ehm… nevýrazná. Ano, to je to slovo,
trochu mdlá. Tedy je v ní mnoho výrazŧ
“ou bejby”, jak to tak bývá, že […]
Well, the cuddling and stuff can take ages
[…]
No, mazlení a tak mŧţe trvat celkem
dlouho […]
Well not an actual letter […] No dobře, ne opravdickej dopis […]
Well now, since The Enchantings are an
exclusive, secret and elite band of
brothers.
Nuže, Klub Elegánŧ je exkluzivní, tajné
a elitní shromáţdění bratrstva.
Concerning the secondary interjections, they are words or phrases which have
undergone a semantic change and, in other words, they are grammaticalized elements.
These interjections are then language-specific and literal translation often leads to
pragmatic errors (Cuenca). In this case, Baker points out that there are two major
problems for translating an idiomatic unit, which is firstly „the ability to recognize and
interpret an idiom correctly and the difficulties involved in rendering the various aspects
of meaning that an idiom or a fixed expression conveys into the target language‟ (65).
In fact, they can keep a part of their original denotation which is strongly
outweighed by connotation. They are rather expressions with interjectional function
while sacral expressions in the function of expressives emphasize the insistence of an
utterance. It logically follows that the basis for these expressions are words God and
Christ (Knittlová 71).
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French’s original My translation
Oh my actual God Ó mŧj Boţe
Oh my actual God. Just like that. Ježísi Kriste! Prostě to řekla.
Oh God… Please say she‟s not pregnant! O Bože, prosím tě, dej, ať není těhotná!
[…] appointment card thing to tell me the
date – omigod – of the first round of X
Factor auditions in London!!
[…] oznámení s datem prvního kola X
Faktoru v Londýně! Ježíšku na křížku!
Tohle je fakt pecka!
Anyway then she got all the stuff out and
laid it on a table. Omitriplegod!
Pak teda donesla všechny věci a rozloţila
je na stŧl. Bohajeho!
You are sixteen, for God’s sake! Vţdyť je ti šestnáct proboha!
Oh my complete and utter God. Pane na nebi!
Both the expressions can interchange and are called curse or expletives. Even
though they are not necessarily vulgarisms it can be agreed that they are expressions
with strong emotional meaning having lost their denotative meaning. Basically, the
speaker uses them to take a negative stand. On the other hand, the vulgarisms belong to
the taboo expressions and it depends on the society and the period when they decide to
be forbidden and allowed (Knittlová 72).
French’s original My translation
My mother is, like, a totally confirmed A-
list bloody cocking minging arsehole
cretin cockhead of the highest order.
Moje matka je nejvíc prvotřídní podělaná
pojebaná pindovská pinda nejvyššího
kalibru.
I can‟t have come from that wonk. Přece jsem nemohla vylízt z takovýho
mimoně.
114
No one likes to be referred to as an „evil
slag‟, or „hell whore’, let‟s be honest.
Jasně, nikomu se nelíbí označení
“odporná coura” nebo “hnusná děvka”,
co si budeme povídat.
Sam Tyler is a cockheaded gitshit,
a twatwanker, a coward and a gay.
Sam Tyler je pičus pičusovatej,
čuromrd, srab a teplouš.
You are making a complete arse of
yourself, Oscar […]
Děláš ze sebe úplnýho debila, Oskare […]
The floozy cretin came into the drawing
room […]
Ta blbka vešla do obýváku […]
My brother is a mega moron. Bratr je mega kretén.
In the process of translation, I strictly distinguished between curses and
vulgarisms. With curses, I did not have the slightest problem to find an equivalent as
they are very similar to Czech and their usage is more frequent and people use them
nearly unconsciously. The real challenge came with the repetitive occurrence of
vulgarisms. I have to admit that I chose them deliberately to be a part of my translation
as they make an inseparable part of the utterance of the main characters that is in the age
of revolt. It was really amusing to try to think as a rebellious teenager and play with the
language at the same time. As a result, I have to use my creativity because I did not
want to take the easiest equivalent especially with the longer lexical units, which
I enjoyed tremendously. In some cases, I opted for a bit milder expressions as showing
the worst possible vulgarisms is not the purpose of my translation.
115
5.1.5.1.1 Intensification
In general, the use of intensificators in an utterance represents intensity or
a degree of a feeling, attitude or evaluation without any further specification. In other
words, they can be connected with the feelings of pleasure or displeasure. Owing to the
persistent attempts of a language to be innovative, the intensifiers have undergone the
development and changes such as loss or a weakening of a meaning and expressivity
that can be caused by high frequency within a spoken language. Therefore, it is
inevitable to focus on the context itself as the intensifiers like terrific, pretty, and big or
damn can have a positive or negative impact on the utterance as in a following example:
it’s a terrific bore = příšerná nuda and he wrote this terrific book = napsal tu senzační
knihu. One of the most frequent adverbial very is seen as neutral but in the informal and
colloquial texts the equivalents are also colloquial or expressive (Knitlová 72-74).
French’s original My translation
Who could have predicted that anything so
very wondrous could possibly occur on
Thursday?
Kdo mohl tušit, ţe něco tak impozantního
se mohlo přihodit právě v úterý?
Firstly it was moving very fast […] Nejdřív se to pohybovalo velmi rychle
[…]
How very very very disappointed I am in
both of them.
Jak jsem jejich počínáním velice převelice
zklamán.
Yes, she‟s very tall. Jojo, je hodně vysoká.
Another category of intensificators occurring frequently in my translation is
emphasizer just translated in two different ways:
116
1) in the meaning of immediate past moment i.e. a moment ago
French’s original My translation
Luke Wilson has just been on the phone
[…]
Zrovna jsem mluvila s Lukem Wilsonem
[…]
[…] waxen chap with unfeasibly long
fingers, who had just emerged from the
Gents […]
[…] společensky unaveným chlápkem
s nemoţně dlouhýma prstama, kterej se
zrovna vypotácel ze záchodkŧ […]
2) in a restrictive or emphatic meaning
French’s original My translation
Just like that. What weird word old people
say […]
Jenom tak. Stejně ale pro to starý lidi
pouţívaj divný výrazy […]
Why couldn‟t she just leave me alone? Proč mě prostě nemŧţe nechat na pokoji?
[…] just whisper, because she is very
close by.
[…] stačí zašeptat její jméno, protoţe je
poblíţ.
I just like so love my new puppy? Já tak zboţňuju svoje nový štěňátko.
In the opposite direction, we deal with weakening of intensity which is achieved
via so called downtoners that can be supported with rather colloquial expressions sort
of and kind of (Knittlová 79).
French’s original My translation
[…] she said we should like play a sort of
game […]
[…] ona navrhla zahrát si takovou tu hru
[…]
117
[…] she has had some sort of fall-out with
Lottie, which is shame.
Zřejmě se nějak nepohodla s Lottie, coţ
mě mrzí.
Well not an actual letter, but a kind of
appointment card thing […]
No dobře, ne opravdickej dopis, ale
takový to oznámení […]
The aspect of weakening usually indicates the reluctance of a speaker to take
a definite stand, which is expressed in Czech by the adverbial of measure or by
omission. It follows that there is almost no correspondence between English and Czech
intensificators and translators endeavour to express well the corresponding stylistic
level. In conclusion, intensificators as well as interjections operate mostly as signals
making the whole utterance more expressive. Except intensity, the expressivity in Czech
translations is increased by a process in which a neutral English lexical item
corresponds with more expressive Czech equivalents. In the process of translation it
must be taken into account that each language has its own means of expressions the
function and meaning of which play the most significant role and the translation then
does not have to correspond word by word. The translator chooses the appropriate
equivalents on the basis of his or her experience, taste and a language sense as well as
knowledge of collocations and other theoretical and practical aspects within translating
field demands (Knittlová 80-86).
French’s original My translation
Because I look at her disgusting face 20/7
and excuse me […]
O tom bych musela něco vědět páč čumim
na její odpornej ksicht od rána do večera
celej tejden […]
At 5.45 pm today V 5.45 odpolko
118
He scuttled off to a safe port in the study
to spend time with his ever-ready, ever-
understanding lover, MAC
[…] odkráčel si na bezpečný místo
v pracovně, aby se pomazlil se svým
NOŤASEM, vţdy připravenou láskou
plnou pochopení.
And she doesn’t even know how to write
the bloody statement anyway.
Ale co, beztak ví kulový, jak napsat
pojebanou přihlášku na vejšku.
Yea, though I walk into the valley of hot
guys […]
Jo, nakráčím si to přímo do údolŧ sexy
borečků […]
Our typical rendezvous consists of
a password […]
Před našimi běţnými dostaveníčky si
určíme heslo […]
[…] when Dora came in to start what has
now become a regular occurrence, the
nightly battle.
A kdyţ uţ jsem skoro zabírala, nakráčela
do loţnice Dora a naše pravidelná noční
hádka mohla začít.
[…] with a rant about the need for even
more highlights […]
[…] začala hysterickým řevem a tím, jak
strašně potřebuje ještě víc melírŧ […]
5.1.5.2 Differences in pragmatics
The choice of an appropriate equivalent also depends on the experience of the
translator who tries to make the target text available and comprehensible to the reader
based on his language and non-language experience. To put it differently, in the source
text s/he comes across a lot of language- and culture-specific factors that the target
reader does not have to be familiar with. Therefore, it is her/his role to transfer these
facts and experience of source language into target one, which is not always possible.
119
Also, Baker states that „in order to maintain coherence translators often have to
minimize discrepancies between the model of the world presented in source text and
that with which the target reader is likely to be familiar‟ (253). Therefore, the
intervention of the translator is to some extent inevitable and depends on two main
factors. Firstly, there is translator‟s ability to assess the knowledge and the expectations
of the target reader. It implies that the more the target reader is supposed to know, the
less likely the translator will have to intervene and thus the higher chance to remain
invisible. Secondly, it depends on the translator‟s view of his role and loyalties meaning
whether they lie with the source or the target text.
Thus the pragmatic differences the translator has to deal with are based on three
major processes – adding information, omitting information and analogy. According to
Ljudskanov, this is the principle of functional equivalents that are considered to be the
base of the translation and which allows the freedom in the choice of means. However,
this omitting or adding information leads to the fact that the translation is then more
exact (148).
Adding information or adding of extra explanatory information is highly
appropriate when the message of the source text could be incomprehensible for the
reader.
French’s original My translation
He‟s Australian or something – looks and
sounds like that old Crocodile
Dundeebloke.
Je prej někde z Austrálie nebo co a taky
vypadá a mluví jak ten chlápek Krokodýl
Dundee, jak hrál ve filmech.
[…] he so believes makes him look like […] přesvědčenej, ţe vypadá jak Zac
120
Zac Efron […] Efron z Muzikálu ze střední.
I‟m going to do it and that is, to go up for
X Factor.
[…] myslim, ţe to fakt udělám, přihlásit se
do soutěže X Faktor.
Unless you are Donald Trump. Leda, ţe bys byl milionář Donald
Trump.
Only if you are Sting […] To bys musela být zpěvák Sting […]
I am reminded of the trusty old David
Walsh mantra […]
Vzpomínám si na heslo starýho dobrýho
psychologaDavida Walsche […]
On the other hand, omitting information, which is based on the different
cultural facts, is a replacement of specific information with more general concept and it
is used in cases that are considered to be redundant for the reader (Knittlová 92-93).
French’s original My translation
[…] a bit of Southern Comfort coursing
through my veins from last night.
[…] mám v krvi ještě pořád trochu
whiskey ze včerejška.
[…] you don‟t get that personal
statement finished […]
[…] co nemakáš na tý přihlášce na
vejšku […]
Free cupcakes for first twenty hot guys
[…]
Dortíky zadarmo pro prvních dvacet sexy
klukŧ […]
[…] someBryl-creem through my untruly
shock.
[…] ale k mému zděšení jsem vymáčkl
jakýsi gel.
[…] as if they were at Spearmint Rhino […] jak kdyby byly v nějakým tuctovým
bordelu […]
121
Analogy is basically a substitution of an original reality for one that is known
and recognisable by the reader of the target text. Brown and Yule claims that „the
principles of analogy and local interpretation form the basis of the assumption of
coherence in our experience of life in general, hence in our experience if discourse as
well‟ (67). However, Baker adds that the readers of the target texts are prepared to
accept a lot of change and a view of the world different from their own and thus the
translators should be cautious about explaining too much information (254).
In this category, the substitution of social clichés, phatic expressions, greetings
or titles is replaced by analogy based on our habits. However, the most frequent case of
a substitution by analogy is in the area of units of measurements that are converted to
Czech for one thing not to disturb the character of the target text and for another to be
informative enough for the Czech reader (Knittlová 93). Jiří Levý is also a supporter of
this process. He states that unusual metric system such as the English one is often
replaced with our metric system. Furthermore, even if the units of measurements such
as feet, miles, pints or inches have a touch of foreign culture, the content of individual
lexical units is not clear to Czech readers for they are not able to imagine the length or
capacity of the units. As a result, the conversion of the units is possible as it is a general
metric system (Levý 44).
French’s original My translation
shoes to go with dress (at least 3 ½ inch
heel)
Boty hodící se k šatŧm (aspoň 9 cm
podpatky)
Strapless underwired bra. 36DD Podprda bez ramínek. 80E
Shoes (at least 4 inch heel) Lodičky (aspoň 10 cm podpatek)
At 5.45pm today V 5.45 odpolko
122
pint of Guinness půllitru Guinesse
However, the conversion of a foreign currency into the currency of a culture into
which the original is translated is not required for two main reasons. Firstly, the
currency is considered to be a characteristic feature of each country and, secondly, if we
convert everything into Czech crowns, they would localize translation into Czech land.
Consequently, the currency in my practical part remained the same as in the original
text (Levý 45).
French’s original My translation
I‟m going to spend an exorbitant £80 on a
miracle cream […]
Mezitím se chystám vypláznout
neuvěřitelnejch 80 liber za zázračnej krém
[…]
That trinket cost me forty-five English
pounds.
Ještě aby ne, kdyţ mě ta tretka přišla na 45
anglických liber.
5.1.5.2.1 Personal names
The translation of names of the main characters should not be assumed to be
easy task to do as as it can turn out to be very troublesome in practice and needs very
sensitive decision-making on the part of the translator within the translation process
(Pour sec. 2).
I deliberately keep them as they were in the original text, which proved to be the
best solution. My intention when I was trying to find proper equivalents was not to
create a completely „czechisized‟ version where the reader would not recognize that the
story takes place in England and reflects a different culture. On the contrary, I had in
123
mind the words of Mona Baker about reader‟s preparedness to accept a different world
and reality and that is why I did not automatically transfer everything into our own
culture. To be honest, the idea of letting all the English constituents disappear i.e. get rid
of everything that makes the text foreign is something completely against my will and I
would not divest the Czech reader of experiencing the different culture and way of life.
Jiří Levý is also opposed against mechanical translation
Při překládámí pak nejde o mechanické uchování formy, nýbrţ o její
významové a estetické hodnoty pro čtenáře …V překladu má smysl
zachovávat jen ty prvky specifična, které čtenář překladu mŧţe cítit jako
charakteristické pro cizí prostředí. Všechny ostatní, které čtenář nechápe
jako odraz prostředí, pozbývají obsahu a poklesají na bezobsaţnou formu,
protoţe nejsou schopny konkretizace. (“Umění překladu” 44-45)
Therefore, all the statements mentioned above created the support for my
practical part. Going back to the translation of names, I have made a decision to keep
them in their original form as I did not come up with any reason to change them in the
target text. The only exception is the name of the pet dog Poo that is translated as
Bobina.
French’s original My translation
Dora Dora
Oscar Oskar
Maureen Maureen
Luke Wilson Luke Wilson
Nana Pamela Babi Pamela
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In this category, I would like to include the translation of proper names and
adjectives that altogether creates one concept, which I consider to be one of the biggest
challenges in my practical part. Not only did I have to make an adjective or noun that
would express a connotative meaning of English adjective but also they had to begin
with the same letter. As a result, I achieved to find an adjective or a noun beginning
with the letter D directly or I need to use the prefixes added to the root of the word in D.
French’s original My translation
Ditzy Dora Dutá Dora
Dumpy Dora Dutohlav Dora
Dirty Dora Odrbaná Dora
Darling Dora Předrahá Dora
Dozy Dora Vydlabaná Dora
Dippy Dora Ďábelská Dora
According to Levý, there is no need in translation of the proper names unless
they contain specific characteristics that would be important for the story itself (“Umění
překladu” 43).
Peter Newmark holds an opinion that people's names and surnames should, as
a rule, not be translated when their names have no connotation in the text. He adds some
exceptions such as names of known saints, monarchs, and popes, which are known in
the translated form in the TL. Also, he mentions the names with connotations in
imaginative literature such as fairy tales and children‟s stories that are translated unless
the nationality is important (“A textbook on translation” 214-215). For this purpose,
I will mention characters from a fairy tale Snow White and the seven dwarfs
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(essortment) and its Czech equivalents that carry the significant feature (Hašková 82-
83).
Original version Czech translation
Snow White Sněhurka
Dopey Šmudla
Grumpy Rejpal
Doc Prófa
Happy Štístko
Blashful Stydlín
Snezzy Kejchal
Sleepy Dřímal
5.1.5.2.2 Foreign language in a text
The translator‟s decision about finding an appropriate equivalent depends on the
functional criterium that also deals with the foreign language in a text which should be
used in literature only in the form of hints for setting the atmosphere, greetings,
addressing someone or in social phrases. In this case, the foreign language should
remain in its original form and the same rule is applicable for the expressions the
meaning of which is easily deduced from the context (Knittlová 107-108). As an
example, I present several examples from the book The Death on the Nile by Agatha
Christie with the main character Hercule Poirot.
The original The translation
Hercule Poirot murmured to himself:
Un qui aime et un qui se laisse aimer.
Yes, I wonder too."
"Une qui aime et un qui se laisse aimer.
Ano. Ona miluje a on se dává milovat.
I já bych to rád věděl."
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"Oh, yes, Mademoiselle. I saw all there
was to see - indeed I saw something that
you did not."
"Ale ano, Mademoiselle. Viděl jsem
všechno, co bylo k vidění, - viděl jsem
dokonce něco, co vám uniklo."
"Tenez - you will feel better for having
said that!"
Vzal ji za paţi a přátelsky s ní zlehka
zatřásl. "Tenez! - jen s tím ven! Aţ to
vyslovíte, bude vám lip!"
"Bien," said Poirot, and laughed too. "Bien," pochválil Poirot a také se zasmál.
"Mais oui, Madame, it is indeed
beautiful."
"Mais oui, madame, je opravdu krásně."
It was at that moment that the drinks
arrived and created a welcome diversion.
Poirot lifted his glass gallantly.
"A votre santé, Madame -
Mademoiselle."
V té chvíli přinesli nápoje, coţ vytvořilo
vítané vyrušení. Poirot dvorně pozvedl
svou číšku.
"A votre santé, madame -
mademoiselle."
Nevertheless, as we can see in the example above, paralel Czech equivalent
should be included in a case when the message is not clear enough from the context or
a situation i.e. where the semantic value of an utterance is not implied (Knittlová 108).
French’s original My translation
[…] that it would be outré so to do. […] a ţe by to bylo vskutku outré, bizarní.
Which is exactly le chapeau juste? Který z nich smíme nazývat le chapeu
juste, kloboukem mezi klobouky?
A suffering that has undoubtedly eaten up
his confidence and joie de vivre.
Bylo to jedno velké utrpení, jeţ mu
sebralo veškeré sebevědomí a joi de vivre,
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chuť do života.
5.2 GRAMMATICAL EQUIVALENCE
In the previous chapter, the lexical categories were discussed on the basis of the
examples within my translation. While lexical resources are viewed as a factor
influencing the way in which experience is analyzed and reported and translator‟s
lexical choices are optionally made on the basis of open-ended sets of items or
expressions, a grammatical system is „another powerful factor which determines the
kind of distinctions we regularly make in reporting experience‟ (Baker 82).
Grammatical choices arise from closed-systems and are largely obligatory. Moreover,
grammatical structures are more resistant to change. As Baker point out „It is much
easier to introduce a new word, expression, or collocation into a language than to
introduce a new grammatical category, system, or sequence‟ (85). Thus, this chapter
outlines the disparity in the language structures the translators have to deal with on the
morphological and syntactic level.
5.2.1 Countability
The first significant difference between English and Czech is a category of
nouns and their countability and number as both the languages have a grammatical
category of number slightly different and not necessarily identical. Czech also has so
called dual form expressing duality or something existing in a pair, for instance the parts
of the body (Baker 87).
French’s original My translation
128
thefruit of the sea plody moře
[…] oil in fish is beneficial for my hair
[…]
[…] rybího oleje, kterej má blahodárný
účinky na moje vlasy […]
Anyway then she got all the stuff out […] Kaţdopádně pak donesla všechny věci
[…]
Purple prom dress Fialový šaty
jewellery –necklace, earrings, rings šperky – náhrdelník, naušnice, prsteny
Book a tan session, hairdressers […] Zamluvit solárko, kadeřníka […]
Get flashing disco lights […] Sehnat diskokouli, party osvětlení […]
In the last day, I‟ve had bread, pasta […] Zrovna včera jsem snědla chleba,
těstoviny […]
[…] I knew perfectly well hadn‟t washed
his hands.
[…] a bylo více neţ jasný, ţe si neumyl
ruce.
Torso too long for the leg length. Tělo moc dlouhý, nohy moc krátký.
5.2.2 Different levels of grammatical categories
Another aspect we have to take into account refers to the grammatical categories
on different levels in both languages. In case there is a category in English language
which does not exist in Czech, there is a possibility to use lexical means instead of
grammatical, although the meaning can be needlessly emphasized (Knittlová 121).
French’s original My translation
Serves her right for being the noisiest
parker […]
Patří jí to, ţe strká ten svŧj slídilovskej
nos kam nemá.
I‟d been an idiot and imagined the whole Vzpomněla jsem si na celou tu příšerně
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ghastly, embarrassing episode. poniţující záleţitost a […]
[…] you telling everyone where the
endless arseing golf sale is.
[…] cedule co nabízí nějaký debilní slevy
golfových potřeb.
put on some better photos nahrát tam nějaký lepší fotky
[…] when you‟re trying to tune the radio
and you haven‟t got to a channel yet.
[…] kdyţ se snaţíte naladit radio a najít
nějakou stanici.
5.2.3 Verbal aspect
As opposed to the statement above, the Czech can also have some extra
categories non-existing in English such as verbal aspect. The differences in aspect deal
with the temporal distribution of an event, for instance its completion or non-
completion, continuation or momentariness (Baker 98). In that case, the translator needs
to decide about the choice of appropriate aspect based on the context. Still, the choice is
not unambiguous as every verb in Czech is either perfective or imperfective, but in
English the continuous form is used to express a course of an action. However, English
can partially express the differences in verbal aspect by using adverbial constituents,
prefixes or syntactical constructions (Knittlová 122).
French’s original My translation
Who would have thought that […] Kdo by si pomyslel […]
I have foolishly overlooked him in the
past.
[…] jak jsem ho mohl kdy přehlížet.
Why does he constantly refuse to back me
up at these critical moments?
Proč se mě pokaţdý odmítne zastat v těhle
krizových chvílích?
Wake up Mother, please! Prosim tě, matko, prober se!
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[…] to go up for X Factor. […] přihlásit se do soutěţe X Faktor.
„Butt out you wonk!‟ „Vysmahni tuponi!“
Anyway then she got all the stuff out and
laid it on a table.
Kaţdopádně pak donesla všechny věci
a rozloţila je na stŧl.
5.2.4 T-V distinction
A large number of European languages, including Czech, have
a formality/politeness dimension in their person system while English does not make
any difference between so called tykání and vykání. It means that a pronoun other than
the second-person singular, usually the second/person plural, is used in „interaction with
a singular addressee in order to express deference and/or non-familiarity‟ (Baker 96).
Nevertheless, English has other modes of address that are used to express familiarity or
deference and clearly there is a difference when we address someone as you or Mr.
Potter. In the process of translation, the translator needs to rely on a wider context,
a situation and other markers to decide which personal pronoun to use (Knittlová 122).
Personally, I did not find this aspect to be difficult within my translation as there
were not so many characters. After reading the novel, I have decided to differ between
tykání and vykání based on social conventions. In fact, I used the form of vykání when
the Battle siblings are meeting with the Noel for the first time and in the situation when
Oscar is taking Dora to the prom. In this case, he intends to exaggerate the whole
situation using overpoliteness technique or rather form of social cliché. On the other
hand, in the situation where Oscar reveals his feelings for Noel, I preferred tykání.
French’s original My translation
„Wow, you‟re so tall! „Páni, vy jste ale vysoká!
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„Is your Mum tall too?‟
„Je vaše maminka taky tak vysoká?“
„At your service, m‟lady.‟ „K Vašim sluţbám, má paní.“
[…] GENTLEMAN WHO JUST
HAPPENS TO UTTERLY ADORE YOU,
YOU SILLY NAUGHTY FOOL!‟
[…] MLADÝ MUŢ, KTERÝ TĚ NADE
VŠE ZBOŢŇUJE, TY MŦJ UBOHÝ
HLUPÁČKU!“
You know how important confidentiality
is. Care to explain yourself?
Nechápeš snad, jak je zachování
mlčenlivosti dŧleţitý? Můžeš mi to nějak
vysvětlit?
[…] but you can‟t force someone to fancy
you.
[…] ale ty nemŧţeš nikoho nutit, aby tě
měl rád.
5.2.5 Gender
Baker explains the concept of gender as a „grammatical distinction according to
which a noun or pronoun is classified as either masculine or feminine in some
languages…Determiners, adjectives and sometimes verbs usually agree with the noun in
gender as well as in number (90)‟. In the case of English, it does not have a category of
gender i.e. nouns are not inflected to distinguish between feminine and masculine but it
uses a category of third-person singular for that purpose (90). In Czech, the decision on
gender is made with a help of context (Knittlová 121).
French’s original My translation
I am, after all, the qualified child
psychologist in this family.
Koneckoncŧ, já jsem tu kvalifikovaná
dětská psycholožka […]
What am I actually? To be a guide […] Měla bych být průvodkyní ţivotem […]
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Anyway, Lottie was, and still is, Dora‟s
advocate and the only one that has hung
in there.
Kaţdopádně, Lottie byla a pořád je Dořina
obhájkyně a je jediná, kdo to s ní vydrţí.
On the level of syntax, the use of syntactic means in English and Czech can have
a significant influence on meaning in the source and target text, which can be related
with different types of both languages. It follows that the translator should not just copy
„the ground plan‟ of the source text because the result would not sound natural in Czech
even if the lexical items would be chosen appropriately. What may be viewed as
problematic is the expression of possession by a preposition of such as in the example
her fool of husband = hlupák manžel where the noun husband should be the dominant
part of the expression but in fact, it is the fool which is the head element. However, the
preposition of in the case of the City of Prague = město Praha does not cause any
problem (Knittlová 94).
French’s original My translation
The correct severing of the muscles […] […] je nejdŧleţitější správně odsekat
svalovinu […]
[…] on the top of the last page […] […] na poslední stránce složky.
[…] by the end of this week […] […] do konce týdne […]
[…] in the window of the bank […] […] v prosklených dveřích jedný banky.
[…] and loads of other stuff. […] a spoustu dalšího.
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5.3 TEXTUAL EQUIVALENCE
The last type of equivalence deals with the organization of the text particularly
with the cohesion and coherence as there are also the differences between the source
and the target text that deserve to be commented on.
5.3.1 Cohesion
In technical terms, the concept of cohesion signifies „the semantic and formal
relations between elements of a discourse which are expressed in that the interpretation
of the meaning of one element in the discourse is dependent on the meaning of another‟
(Dontcheva-Navrátilová 31). To put it differently, it is an objective property of a text
that is easily recognized (31). Baker perceives the cohesion as a network of lexical,
grammatical and other relations providing a link between the various parts of the text.
Further, it is the connection of actual words that the reader is able to see (180).
The significant English linguists Halliday and Hassan define the concept of
cohesion as „essential semantic relations whereby any passage of speech or writing is
enabled to function as a text‟ (13). It can be classified into five distinct categories –
reference, substitution, ellipsis, conjunction and lexical cohesion. For the purpose of the
thesis, only first four categories will be described in detail.
Reference is the relationship of identity that holds between two linguistic
expressions and is achieved through referring expressions i.e. „language items whose
semantic interpretation is reached by reference to something else in the discourse or in
the situational context‟ and they comprises of personal pronouns, determiners, adjective
and adverbs (Halliday, Hassan 31). It includes a specific nature of the information
signalled for retrieval. In this case, there is a referential meaning as the information
needs to be retrieved. In other words, it deals with the identity of a particular thing that
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is being referred to (31). It can be stated that it is a relation between meanings on the
semantic level (89).
Every language possesses a number of items with the property of reference that
has the potential to help the reader to look elsewhere in the text for their interpretation.
The most common referring expressions in English are personal pronouns, determiners,
adjectives and adverbs (Dontcheva-Navrátilová 32). More specifically, third-person
pronouns are used to refer back to information that has been introduced, which allow
the reader to trace participants and entities within the text (Baker 181).
French’s original My translation
[…] no sign of Husband at the eye of the
storm. He scuttled off to a safe port in the
study […]
Po Manželovi se na bojišti opět slehla zem
– v klidu si odkráčel na bezpečný místo
v pracovně […]
I must pay attention to this year is ... Poo.
Absolutely must get her spayed.
[…] o kterýho se tenhle rok musím
postarat... Bobina. Musím ji nechat
vykastrovat.
I am accustomed to dullards, Lord knows
I am surrounded by them daily […]
Jsem jiţ zvyklý na nekňuby a Bŧh mi
dosvědčí, ţe se s nimi doma potýkám […]
What is a university? My trusty dictionary
tells me it is a „high level educational
institution in which student study for
degrees and academic research is done‟.
Well, that‟s handy then, because that‟s
exactly what I‟m looking for – except for
the research bit – I won‟t be doing any of
„Ptám se, co je to univerzita? Mŧj
výkladový slovník říká, ţe to je „tradiční
označení vysoké školy poskytující nejvyšší
stupeň vzdělání v rozmanitých oborech
a kde pro získání titulu je nutné provést
akademický výzkum“. Tak to se hodí,
protoţe to je přesně to, co hledám, aţ na
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that atall. ten výzkum. Ten teda dělat nehodlám.
Together with the ellipsis, substitution deals with a grammar and processes
within the text. It is a relation between linguistic items such as words and phrases and it
is a concept of a replacement of one item by another. The most common expressions in
substitution are one, the same, do or does that are called substitutes, which are a kind of
counter used in place of the repetition of a particular item (Halliday 89).
French’s original My translation
She‟s supposed to be the clever one […] Měla by bejt chytrá jak radio […]
Get a camera. Only got the one on my
phone and it‟s crap
Sehnat foťák. Tenv mobilu stojí za prd
Why do people say dogs don‟t laugh when
they like, so def do? Well, she does.
Nechápu, proč lidi tvrdí, ţe se psi
nesmějou, páč oni se teda rozhodně
smějou. Bobina určitě.
We agreed that one should never wear
brown in town, that it would be outré so
to do.
Shodli jsme se, že hnědá barva by měla
být ve městě zakázána a ţe by to byl
vskutku bizarní počin.
Ellipsis is described as a substitution by zero i.e. leaving unsaid something that
is nevertheless understood. However, even if there is something unsaid in the sentence,
it still can be easily understood for a simple reason - there is always a context that offers
a great help for the reader to interpret the sentences and fill so called slots, which are the
parts of the texts with missing information.
136
In this case, ellipsis is closely connected with the concept of presupposition,
which is the assumption of the speaker/writer made prior to something is uttered or
written down. As some concepts or entities are considered to be known, such
information will not be stated and they will be counted as a part of what is
communicated but not said (Yule 25).
In practice, there are sentences and clauses the structure of which presupposes
some preceding item serving as a source of the missing information. Yet, it does not
relate to any instance in which the reader needs to supply missing information. In fact, it
concerns only those cases where the grammatical structure points to an item which fills
the slot in question (Baker 187).
French’s original My translation
Me: What did you do?
Her: Learning.
Já: Co jsi dělala?
Ona: Učila se.
Me: Worried about anything?
Her: Yeah.
Me: Want to tell me?
Her: No.
Me: Want me to shut up?
Her: Yeah.
Já: Trápí tě něco?
Ona: Jo.
Já: Nechceš mi to říct?
Ona: Ne.
Já: Chceš, abych byla zticha?
Ona: Jo.
[…] its most popular suggestion has been
someone named Paris Hilton. I think not.
Našeptávač mi uţ několikrát navrhl
jakousi Paris Hilton, o čemž tedy vysoce
pochybuji.
ME: What is a female condom? JÁ: Co to je ţenskej kondom?
137
NANA PAMELA: A bad idea. BABI PAMELA: Špatný nápad.
ME: Could it happen that he might wee in
you instead of the other thing?
NANA PAMELA: No.
JÁ: Mŧţe se stát, ţe by do tebe načŧral
místo tý jiný věci?
BABI PAMELA: Ne, nikdy.
Conjunction is a cohesive device provided by words and phrases which
explicitly indicate the type of relationship existing between clauses, sentences and
paragraphs in a discourse. Basically, they are signals used by writers who help the
readers to relate what is about to be said or what has been said before. The connections
expressed by conjunctives are typically adverbs and prepositional phrases. Baker
distinguishes five major relations within conjunctions: additive, adversative, causal,
temporal and continuative. The translator needs to realize that the same conjunction can
signal different relations depending on the context. Furthermore, they have to find the
balance between accuracy of the original text and the author‟s intentions and natural
locution in the language they translate into (Baker 190-191; Knittlová 102-103).
French’s original My translation
I was initially reluctant, because perhaps
now […]
Zprvu jsem se zdráhal, jelikoţ moţná
právě teď […]
No replies yet but it‟s ages away. Zatím nikdo neodepsal, ale to má ještě čas.
Firstly it was moving very fast […] Nejdřív se to pohybovalo velmi rychle
[…]
He doesn‟t worry whether or not they are
suitable as his friends.
Vŧbec si neláme hlavu, jestli jsou to
kamarádi,nebo ne.
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5.4 THE CHARACTERISTIC OF THE STYLE
When we take into account all the information in the analysis we can
characterize the style of the book as follows:
The book is written as a diary where the story is narrated from three different
perspectives - Mo, Dora and Peter. All the diary entries are in the 1st person narration
and they take turns. Moreover, each entry is marked by the name of the person, but even
if the name was missing, it does not cause much of an effort to guess who is speaking as
all three characters‟ expressive devices are different and very distinctive.
Dora and Mo use very informal language. On a top of it, Dora‟s expression is
very vulgar full of insults towards her mother. On the other hand, Peter thanks to his
fixed idea that he is Oscar Wilde speaks rather noble English although he does not stick
to it all the time.
This was one of the main reasons for choosing the book as I like the outstanding
differences that put an immense challenge in front of me.
French’s original My translation
Yeah thanks, I really wanna go back
there. Not.
It‟s gonna be great on Facebook thou,
I‟ve told all my friends to lookout for my
status which I‟m going to update in like
fifteen minutes to: STATUS: OWNER
OF 20 NEW CONDOMS.
Jo super, hned bych se tam vrátila. Pche,
ani za zlatý prase.
Ale na Fejsbŧku to bude hustý, páč jsem
řekla všem kámošŧm, ať si očekujou mŧj
status, kterej si tam hodim tak do 15 minut
a kterej bude znít: Dora Battleová je
čerstvou majitelkou 20 nových kondomŧ.
Finally, I must give some serious thought A konečně, musím se váţně zamyslet, jak
139
to my fiftieth birthday in October. Can‟t
decide whether to celebrate or hide in
a deep cave. Not denial exactly, but
maybe I could just ignore it…?
to udělám v říjnu s mýma padesátinama,
protoţe se nemŧţu rozhodnout, jestli to
slavit, nebo se radši zahrabat hluboko pod
zem. Ne ţe bych si nechtěla přiznat, kolik
mi je, jen bych ten den prostě ignorovala…
Although admittedly a „big‟ fellow, I was
but a wisp, being carried along by the
sweetest of zephyrs. Tumbling,
whooshing even onwards towards my
destiny.
I přesto, ţe jsem urostlý mladý muţ, v tuto
chvíli jsem byl pouhým lístečkem
unášeným nejsvěţejším vánkem, který si se
mnou pohrával a já jsem mílovými kroky
řítil dál a dál vstříc mému osudu.
From the story, we recognize it takes place in England in a small town
Pangbourne and it is very contemporary thanks to the modern amenities like using
Internet, Facebook and Google that make the story very up-to-date.
French’s original My translation
„Dora Battle, beloved daughter of Mr and
Mrs Battle of Pangbourne […]
Musím se do toho vloţit. „Doro Battlová,
předrahá dcero pana a paní Battlových
z Pangbournu […]
It‟s gonna be great on Facebook though,
[…]
Ale na Fejsbůku to bude hustý, […]
I regularly log on to question Google […] Pravidelně se loguji na počítač a na
Googlu […]
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Concerning the form of a diary, another distinctive feature within the book is the
graphical illustration when the characters intended to put an emphasis on their utterance.
This emphasis is achieved by underlining, capital letters or italics or by combination of
the three.
French’s original My translation
Doing it all over the place with, like
ANYONE.
[…] co si vychrápává s KÝMKOLI na
poţádání […]
To which I replied, loudly, possibly too
loudly, „I AM NOT A CHILD. I AM A
FUNCTIONING ENCHANTING
GENTLEMAN […]
Na coţ jsem zvýšeným, moţná aţ moc
zvýšeným, hlasem odvětil, „UŢ NEJSEM
DÍTĚ, ALE PLNĚ VYVINUTÝ
OKOUZLUJÍCÍ MLADÝ MUŢ […]
I must be further along with my book, and
I must have a title for it.
Musím pokročit s psaním knihy a musím
pro ni vymyslet název.
That bloke stood back and I let my deepest
red-rage break free.
Ten bastard hodil zpátečku a to byla
poslední kapka.
Concerning the target readers, I immediately thought of all the women with
some life experiences who could enjoy the story and who are looking for some light
reading. In my opinion, the age group will be from 17 years old up as a girl or a woman
in every age can find something that will attract her attention for the topics are more
complex. They can not only discover the troubles of becoming an adult or the life in
a marriage but also find some morals and truths which can be easily identified with.
From a translator‟s point of view, I wanted to create fresh and readable translation that
141
would find its target readers and to keep the values and ideas as intended by the author
of the original. Further, as a defender of a translational optimism, I bore in mind all the
theoretical knowledge I had studied and I believed that I fullfiled all the requirements
that will make my translation and its analysis not perfect, as it was not the main purpose
of the thesis, but successful.
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6. CONCLUSION
The diploma thesis presents the translation and analysis of selected parts of the
novel “A Tiny Bit Marvellous” written by an English author Dawn French that was not
translated into Czech at the time I decided to work on it. The aim was to create the
translation based on the modern approach of the theory of equivalence and analyse the
translation with a great help of a variety of secondary sources. Also, I would like to
mention here that I chose the topic of the translation and analysis for my previous thesis
and that is the reason I have come back to it. I felt it deserves to be examined more
precisely and from more complex points of view.
Looking back I must say that the work I have done was both enjoyable and
extremely satisfactory. Not only have I used my creativity but I was also creating a new
piece of work. Even if it was just a bit in comparison with the whole book, I can
imagine all the hard work that is behind the the whole process. What is more, I have
found out that the work of the translator is not only about sitting down and making
a translation. On the contrary, the translator‟s work demands more than that as he can
work with the original as he wants but finally he must follow the theoretical rules that
do not allow him to make a completely new book. In fact, s/he rather transfers the
message and ideas from the original into his translation keeping in mind two aspects –
a reader of the target text and the fact that his translation should not distract the reader
in any way i.e. the translation should be invisible to the highest extent.
Apart from that, I dealt with the theory of equivalence on the level of lexis,
grammar and text that sometimes caused me a real problem. In fact, when I was reading
the book I had no problem in comprehension but when I was supposed to find an
appropriate equivalent, I suddenly realized that I cannot just translate the text in
143
a random way. To be honest, I was glad I had a theoretical background that helped me
solved all the difficulties I came across. Therefore, I believe that I did my best in
handling the role of a translator when transferring the ideas and values to the target
reader as well as make it comprehensible with the desired effect.
Also, I did not expect to discover anything new within a translation theory as
a lot was already written by more competent linguists. I rather desired to put together
a basis from which I would proceed. Thus, this diploma thesis was enriching as I was
given an opportunity to acquaint myself with a large number of authors and their
opinions. I realized that the knowledge of different theories and methods in translation
can be regarded as a premise for an accurate translation. Finally, I have also found out
the truly aspects and demands within the work of a translator.
144
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