Table of Contents

List of Figures ixList of Tables xNotes on Contributors xiForeword xv

Part I The Philosophical and Ethical Framework of Existential Coaching 1

1 The Existential Ideology and Framework for Coaching 3Emmy van Deurzen

2 Authenticity in Existential Coaching 21Mo Mandic

3 Paradox in Existential Coaching 32Monica Hanaway

Part II Existential Coaching in Different Contexts 45

4 Existential Coaching and Major Life Decisions 47Tim LeBon and David Arnaud

5 Career Development as a Life Changing Event 60David Pullinger

6 Coaching Leaders from an Existential Perspective 72Angela Jopling

7 Conflict Coaching Using an Existential Approach 84Monica Hanaway

8 Using Existential Integrated Coaching in the Workplace 101Jacky Lewis

Part III Bringing an Existential Approach to Other Theoretical Coaching Models 115

9 Let Your Body Be Your Coach – An Experiential-ExistentialApproach to Embodied Coaching Practice 117Greg Madison

vii

viii Contents

10 Existential Coaching First, Neuro-Linguistic Programming Second 128Jamie Reed

11 Existentialism and Attachment – Making Meaning with Our Clients 142Duncan Fraser

12 Existential Coaching Using the MBTI® and FIRO-B® Psychometric Assessments 154Diana Pringle

13 Cognitive Behavioural Coaching – Friend or Foe for the Existential Coach? 166Daniel Mirea

14 Why Mindfulness Based Existential Coaching? 175Jyoti Nanda

Notes 188References 190Index 201

2Authenticity in Existential

CoachingMo Mandic

Overview

This chapter addresses the relevance of authenticity to existential coaching.Seen from an existential perspective, authenticity is different in its meaning tothe accustomed, everyday sense of the word. In the coaching world, individu-als generally come with particular concrete concerns they wish to address andfocus on. As the work between coach and client develops, however, deeperquestions often emerge that relate to wider issues: How is the client’s life beinglived? Is it meaningful to her? And what is the basis or ground upon which itis being lived? It is at this level of enquiry in the coaching relationship that thetheme of authenticity emerges.

In order to clarify the fundamentally different starting position that the exis-tential approach takes with regard to authenticity and being human, thedistinction between ‘being’ and ‘knowing’ is highlighted. The latter is associ-ated with ‘doing’, which flows from the ‘knowing’, and is typically manifestedin actions and behaviours.

This chapter also explores the existential understanding of authenticity interms of four existential human ‘givens’: finitude, being historical beings, free-dom of choice and temporality. A case study aims to illuminate the phenome-non of authenticity within the overall coaching process. Given the richness ofhis work in this area, particular emphasis is given throughout this paper toMartin Heidegger’s understanding of authenticity and its bearing on humanexistence (Heidegger, 1962 [1927]).

Introduction

Existential coaching bases itself on a set of philosophical assumptions abouthow to understand what it is to be human. This coaching approach firmly andexplicitly challenges the Modernist picture of the individual, which claims that

21

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we are a composite of a body and mind, or in similar terms, of the materialand mental. This corresponds to an ‘inner’ and ‘outer’ way of describingourselves, and to the idea that we are rational subjects striving for autonomyfrom and control over objects or our environment. In contrast, existentialcoaching rejects any mechanistic, causally-determined, ‘push-pull’ picture ofthe individual, and this stance is reflected in its approach to the coaching rela-tionship.

Many coaching models and approaches have devoted attention to the useof tools and techniques to facilitate change and development in the individ-ual. In addition, the overriding emphasis has been on developing greatercontrol over, and also relating to, oneself as something to improve, correct,change, remedy or ‘fix’, in some sense. This position prioritizes the epistemo-logical (knowing how to, or knowing what to do) over the ontological (how weare being); the existential position takes the ontological as fundamentallyprior and therefore necessary to the coaching framework. At this point, whatneeds to be emphasized is that both are essential to the coaching relationship.However, the existential approach simply emphasizes and attends to the indi-vidual’s ‘being’ who they are and the possible implications that follow fromthis, whilst also recognizing the modes of ‘having’, ‘doing’ and ‘knowing’that emerge from this.

Existing general coaching literature highlights an awareness of this distinc-tion, with an attention to ‘being’ as the key element to the coaching itself. Forexample, Robert Hargrove’s Masterful Coaching (2003) articulates this well,stating that:

All we have is who we ‘are’, and this in turn shapes what we do. Being issometimes thought of as something intangible, abstract, or even ineffable,but it is actually quite real … Being is the context from which all of ourthinking and actions spring, as opposed to doing, which is just a contentthat flows from the context. (p.45)

In a similar vein, Mary Beth O’Neill’s influential Executive Coaching WithBackbone and Heart (2000) also introduces being-oriented concerns to the coach-ing frame, most notably, presence, ambiguity, and immediacy, such that theclient can relate such aspects of their way of being in the coaching experienceto issues and challenges that they encounter in their wider world (O’Neill,2000: 17–40). This is similarly found in the work of Alan Sieler, a major expo-nent of ontological coaching, who describes his approach as ‘the study of being… an inquiry into the nature of human existence’ (Sieler, 2003b: xii). Lastly, raisingtrainee coaches’ awareness of the distinction between ‘being’ and ‘doing’ canalso be found in the world-renowned CoachU training programme providedby Coach Inc., emphasizing the additional danger of falling into the possibletrap of ‘doing the being’ in the role of coach.

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Authenticity in Context

Existential philosophy dedicates considerable importance to the idea of authen-ticity and its central importance to being human. The nineteenth centuryphilosopher Søren Kierkegaard first introduced this way of being, and it waslater taken up in the twentieth century by Martin Heidegger, Jean-Paul Sartreand others. However, since the term has entered our everyday vocabulary andlanguage, its meaning has widened to signify anything from sincerity andtruthfulness, to commitment and moral conviction. Typically, we encounter onesense of the term when we confer ‘authentication’ on something: what wecommonly mean by it is that something meets, measures up or corresponds toan expected standard or quality. Similarly, the word has been used as a quali-fier for the particular domain under discussion; for example, authenticperformance, or authentic trust. These are unarguably important uses of theword. However, our focus, from an existential standpoint, is on the way inwhich it captures a fundamental aspect of our human existence and thedynamic sense of our engagement with the world and with others. In otherwords, it is related to our being, and not a property or characteristic, as wewould commonly ascribe to an object or state of affairs.

Being Authentic

First of all, being authentic is not a matter of being a certain kind of person,whether sincere, honest, open or genuine. This is the common, everyday use ofthe word. We also encounter this use in the coaching domain; for example,Angus McLeod equates authenticity with an ‘appropriate mindset’ that isreflected in being in alignment with one’s beliefs and values (McLeod, 2003). Incontrast to this, the existential orientation understands authenticity moregenerally as a matter of whether or not we commit to our existence per se. Thisis essentially what Kierkegaard attempted to articulate through his numerouswritings. Though he did not actually use the term in his work, his notion ofauthenticity was tied to the idea that we make an unconditional, passionatecommitment to something or someone in our lives such that it defines us, i.e.gives us an identity, and structures and defines our world. The result of this isthat we are committed to living in a more intense and meaningful way. Here,we have a sense of authenticity as ‘aliveness’ relevant to our existence ashuman beings, rather than merely ‘going with the flow’ and conforming towhat we ought to want for ourselves or commit to in our lives because it alle-viates anxiety and risk.

It was Heidegger who later focused more explicitly on authenticity in hiswork, Being and Time, electing to use the German word Eigentlich to describeauthenticity as ‘mine-ness’ (Heidegger, 1962 [1927]: 68). Tied up in his under-standing of authenticity is the idea that we not only have but are possibility,

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which means that we can own ourselves, or seem to do so, or we can loseourselves, or never own ourselves, all based on how we each individuallydefine our own ‘who I am’. Many of us let ourselves be completely and utterlydefined by our circumstances, such as our jobs, our gender, race or role in ourfamily or society. However, although we choose to create ourselves in terms ofwho we are in each of these instances, there is a sense that we do not really ownourselves in any deliberate sense, because we have simply appropriated ready-made ‘products’ of what has been delivered to us through particular trends andfashions, ideologies or received beliefs. So, for Heidegger, the inauthentic-authentic distinction rests on the extent to which we define ourselves or aredefined by norms, customs and other people.

Sartre does not directly refer to authenticity in his major philosophical workBeing and Nothingness; (1958 [1943]) instead, he describes ways in which we canbe inauthentic, or in bad faith, as he puts it (Sartre, 1986: 48). From this, we canconclude that being authentic, for him, is to assume our freedom and fullresponsibility for ourselves and the situations in which we find ourselves.Furthermore, we recognize that we necessarily always choose our identity,whilst at the same time being aware that it is never fixed or complete, and isalways open to other or new possible ways that we can take up roles and iden-tities.

The second thing to note is that the term ‘authentic’ can only be used in rela-tion to human beings, or persons; butterflies therefore fall outside this distinc-tion, as do stones and trees, because they in no way count as persons. This canbe better understood when we introduce the distinction between ‘essence’ and‘existence’ and how it relates to persons and things. To treat human existenceas if it has an essence is to take an inauthentic position on the issue of beinghuman. A chair, for example, has an essence insofar as it has features and prop-erties that can be generalized for all possible chairs, such that ‘chairness’ isfundamentally fixed and immutable. So, an object made out of jelly, forinstance, could not constitute a chair (at least in the world that we currently livein) because it wouldn’t do its job of being ‘sit-able on’, which is its essence.Applying this to human existence, then, being me as Mo is not generalizable toa statement about how every person is in regard to their existence. That is, eachperson’s existence is her own. But we can tend to avoid this by submergingourselves in how one should behave and act according to already establishedcultural norms and expectations, thereby treating ourselves as if we are anessence.

Thirdly, it needs to be emphasized that our lives make sense to us preciselybecause we live within cultural and social frameworks of understanding andintelligibility; our norms and practices provide us with the meanings andresources for us to shape our lives in certain ways that make sense for us andmotivate us. What we do as individuals depends on who we are. Moreover, weare how we do whatever it is that we do. This is not a matter of performing arole of some kind or simply thinking of ourselves as the sum total of all of our

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actions. Rather, we are the unique way that we take over a particular role thatwe need to take on in order to make ourselves intelligible to ourselves. Weengage in shared practices in order to coordinate our activities and life goals orprojects in a way that is coherent and intelligible to us. Put more succinctly, ‘Iam what I do, and I do what one does’ (Heidegger, 1962 [1927]: 283). We simplycannot engage in our daily lives without doing what ‘one does’, although it isnot something that we notice or point to, because it has to remain withdrawnand in the background of our activities for us to perform such tasks. To take amore trivial everyday example, when standing in a lift or in a shopping queue,we already demonstrate a familiarity with regard to where and how we standin relation to others. It is not something that we study, pay particular attentionto or are taught: we just develop a capacity to know what is appropriate inthose circumstances in which we find ourselves.

However, whilst this assimilates us in a positive way with other people andgives shape and meaning to our lives, there is a tendency for us to become over-reliant on and too enmeshed in these accustomed norms and practices in a waythat leaves us caught in a numbing conformism. We simply live by followingrules without taking ownership or questioning what it is that we are doing.This has the effect of levelling us down to the anonymous mass of ‘what peoplegenerally do’ rather than standing out in our individuality. Having said all ofthis, living authentically is not an easy choice, since it leaves us without thecomforting tranquillity generated through the familiar patterns of the everydaythat we rely on when immersed in them as guides for our actions and behav-iours. Indeed, when I realize that it is my choice and decision as to how I willact in each concrete situation that presents itself, I am overcome with feelingsof anxiety and unsettledness, since I have relinquished the accustomed guidesfor what to do in such cases.

From Inauthentic to Authentic

Being authentic is the committed stand that I take on myself and on my life. Itdoes not tell me what to do or how to behave in particular situations. In thatsense, it has no content. Rather, it addresses the form that my life takes – how Ilive my life. Moreover, the way that I live it and give it shape is underpinnedby my recognition that it is incumbent on me, and not an external source ofauthority to whom I make appeal, that will inform me and decide on how I willlive. This decision also faces, and is based on, certain indubitable existentialtruths; that is, that human existence is characterized by:

1. finitude2. being historical beings3. freedom of choice4. temporality

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Our response to each can be deemed inauthentic if we live in a way that avoidsor flees from acknowledging the true significance of these givens to our lives.Once we embrace their significance in the very way in which we live, we canbe considered to be living more authentically. In order to explain this a littlemore, however, each in turn will now be further elaborated.

FinitudeThe fact that we are mortal beings leaves us with the sobering realization thatour lived time is limited, and our living in the face of that prospect provides uswith a choice of how we are going to live and what is important to us. If weexperience our lives as giving us plenty of time to do everything that we want,and that it will effectively run on ‘forever’, nothing takes on the significancethat it does when we see ourselves as ‘living dyingly’, or our being mortal aswoven into the very fabric of our existence. Our readiness to look death – ourmortality – in the eye with honesty induces feelings of great anxiety. It leads usto the point where we realize that there is nothing that ultimately underpinsour life to provide it with the significance that we originally thought and hopedwas in place: no norms, conventions, existing practices or standards thatamount or equate to the truth. Realizing that we alone confer the shape andtherefore significance and meaning that our life takes has the effect of individ-ualizing us. As an individual, I can no longer draw on what our generalconventions and culturally accepted ways of doing things tell me is appropri-ate or correct, but must take hold of the responsibility of living the ‘mineness’of my life according to my own choices and decisions. In this sense, I live as anauthentic being-towards-death, as Heidegger phrased it (Heidegger, 1962 [1927]:296), which can perhaps be otherwise described as ‘a being who lives in theconstant possibility of dying’.

Being Historical BeingsWe each have been ‘thrown’ into a particular time and context, including thefamily that we have been born into, and the culture and community in whichwe find ourselves. These are limits or givens that we can accept and acknowl-edge, or we can oppose and resent. Accepting them means that we see that wecannot get ‘behind’ them, or somehow erase them and start our lives afresh ina different context, and so must live with the fact that they are the ‘hand thatwe have been dealt’. Moreover, in understanding that we are ‘thrown’ into theworld, we acknowledge that we are not the ‘basis’ that grounds our existence(since our circumstances ground us) and that we are left with the brute fact ofour existence.

An inauthentic attitude, however, in some sense denies or repudiates our‘thrownness’ and either attempts to configure a different set of circumstancesthat narrates our past, or takes the view that we are somehow the origin of our

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own existence. We might also take the position that we understand ourselvesahistorically and independently of the context in which we live. This stand-point, however, ignores the more fundamental existential ‘situatedness’ thatincontrovertibly describes our human predicament.

Freedom of ChoiceThe choices and decisions that I take in forging a certain life direction arecontingent and not necessary: after all, other alternative choices could havebeen made. The fact that we are called upon to make a choice means that alter-native possibilities are excluded. Consequently, we experience guilt and anxi-ety, because such guilt and anxiety illuminates for us the fact that we are takingissue with our very own way of existing. Being overwhelmed by the guilt ofmaking one choice or decision over another can paralyse us into a state of inau-thentic avoidance and withdrawal, whilst an authentic mode of existence isexemplified by a resoluteness or steadfastness to live in the face of this. It is inthe situation that we find ourselves making choices from an inauthentic orauthentic mode of our existence.

TemporalityOur experience of time is central to existential thinking. As persons, we areunlike objects and things, since time matters to us, in one way or another. Thisis so crucial to our existence, such that the way in which we relate to temporal-ity says something about how we have chosen to live. We can take an inauthen-tic stance in relation to time. For example, we might distract ourselves from thepreciousness and value of time and simply see it as an endless resource.However, there are also other ways in which we can be in an inauthentic modeof living temporally. To say that someone is ‘living in the past’, for example,means that they have exclusively shaped and defined their lives on the basis ofearlier events or experiences to the extent that we might say that they aresimply ‘stuck’ in that way of living. Similarly, living an entirely future-orientedlife distorts and biases our experience such that it denies the possibility ofrecognizing the present and past as making us who we are in terms of our iden-tity.

Authenticity in Coaching

Authenticity in existential coaching is important in both the personal and thebusiness realms. However, coaching addresses the human realm, whatever thecontext or setting. Whether we are managers, entrepreneurs or executives, weare all prey to living our lives according to generally accepted patterns that areendorsed by our culture. The tendency to question ourselves and our chosen

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life paths can feel unsettling and even odd, given the strong influences that weexperience from our background practices to conform to the conventionaldirections that are deemed acceptable and appropriate. Given that we aremeaning-making beings, and take a stand on our existence because we are theonly kinds of beings whose existence is an issue for us, it behoves us to bringourselves to ask to what extent we really are living lives that we have chosen.For many people, for instance, shaping one’s life against the meaningful back-ground of one’s community and culture means significantly more than draw-ing from a scientifically-minded, calculative means-end attitude or subsumingall or virtually all aspects of one’s existence purely to economic activity. Suchfactors and considerations will form the background to our existential workwith clients.

Case Illustration 2.1: James

The following is an account of my coaching work with a client that, more inretrospect than as an explicit agenda from the outset, addressed the theme ofauthenticity in relation to the human existential realities of time, freedom andchoice, situatedness, responsibility, contingency, and finitude. By mutual agree-ment, sessions were conducted on a fortnightly basis over a six-month time-frame.

James is a thirty-one year old man who felt that he had lost his sense ofpurpose and direction, and wanted to get ‘back on track’, as he put it. Heworked in a large consultancy as a Senior Executive, and had been rapidlypromoted from his initial tenure eight years previously to increasing levels ofresponsibility for major projects as well as for the twenty-five staff that reportedto him through his line managers. James felt little passion for his work, eventhough he had been rewarded with promotions and increases in salaries for hisperformances up to that point in time. He said that he had fallen into hiscurrent career because he had been under pressure to find work quickly afterleaving University, and had found that, upon starting, he was able to performand master the tasks of his job and wider responsibilities very quickly andeffectively. He had originally studied Psychology at University, which he hadgreatly enjoyed, and had primarily been interested in a career path that wasmore aligned to Human Resources than the statistical and strategic nature ofhis current work.

Over our initial two sessions, we focused on James’ worldview, which is aperson’s interpreted framework of making sense of the world, of others and ofoneself. We also explored the way in which certain dilemmas and conflicts hadarisen between work and his own passions and interests. This broadened outinto his attitude to life and to his way of relating to others. Even though he wasclearly successful in many areas of his life, he had come to see how he was a‘people pleaser’, achieving great results and success in his studies and his work

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as a way of escaping any possibility of being judged negatively by others. Heunreflectively prioritized others’ opinions over his own in what he should doon any given issues.

During our third session, a significant moment emerged in the course of ourdialogue:

JAMES: … I mean, I … can see how I’m never late for anything … and I neveravoid taking on new projects at work, just keep piling them up, ones thatothers hand on to me … and then I’m working till late and at week-ends …I can’t say ‘No’.

COACH: What would happen if you did?JAMES: Oh, I’d be feeling guilty for it …COACH: Guilty for … ?JAMES: Well, not doing what is expected … the possible problems that I’d find

myself in. I’d feel bad for not taking on a job, especially if others are work-ing hard … my bosses would take a dim view of things …

COACH: So, your bosses would think … what?JAMES: That I wasn’t doing enough, that I wasn’t pulling my weight.COACH: And what would that say about you?JAMES: Mmm, that I’m not interested.COACH: And are you?JAMES: Yes … (long pause) … Well, No, I’m not interested when I’m having to

do what others arbitrarily assign to me …COACH: OK, so where is your say – your ‘No’ – when projects get assigned arbi-

trarily?

This allowed us to move on in our work together, recognizing that James’stendency to go with the status quo and not challenge it to any degree had widerramifications for how he related to his life as a whole. In the earlier stages ofour coaching relationship, James expressed this, though implicitly, in his stancetowards me, imputing me with a sense of ‘authority’ in knowing what or howhe should think, act or feel about an issue under discussion. At times, this wasreflected in particular pauses and moments of silence and uncertainty betweenus, with the anticipation that I would fill the space with advice or solutions.However, as we stayed with these moments and explored their meanings forJames, he could see a familiar pattern emerging in his particular way of relat-ing in our coaching relationship.

By the fifth session, James recognized that the context of his life as a wholewas at issue – a being-a-whole, in Heidegger’s terms (Heidegger, 1962 [1927]:279) – and that his current way of living was structured in a way thatconformed to others’ opinions, standards, decisions or expectations. This awak-ened him to the realization that how he spent his lived time was ultimately hisresponsibility alone. His reflection that time had passed on in his eight years athis job and that he had not faced this evoked a range of feelings, including

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anger, frustration and sadness. Here we experienced a turning point in ourwork: James started to place much greater importance on how he spent his timei.e. with his wife, his family and friends, and on his openness towards others.When he really tuned in to the fact that he only had a certain span of life on thisplanet and no more i.e. that his being was a being-towards-death, the implica-tion of this brought him to see that he was not really living as he wanted, butas he thought he should, or was deemed to be the ‘right’ way. In one sense, hecould identify who it was that gave him the blueprint for how to live: hisparents and family, the workplace culture, his friends; but in another sense, hefelt that it was he who had tacitly become completely enmeshed in a wholeworld in which some kind of anonymous and more amorphous pull of publicnorms and rules held sway over him.

Several changes now took place in relation to his job. He challenged othersmore and became more confident in holding to his particular point of view; henegotiated on his responsibility for a smaller portfolio of projects and gavehimself more space to focus his time and attention to his current projects; andhe pursued an opening for a new position within the Human Resource depart-ment of his organization. Added to this, others felt a new surge of energy andvitality in James, as he embraced a new way of experiencing the future. He sawother possibilities that he could pursue, including working on his own andcombining his current experience with his wish to incorporate psychologicalservices into his range of work for prospective clients. He cultivated his visionof a legacy that he wanted to develop while engaged in his work, though raisedto the level of his existence as a human being: he wanted to make a difference,even if that difference impacted only on one other person over the span of hislifetime. In this sense, James recognized himself as being an active contributorto society, ‘making his own history’, rather than acting as if he was an unin-volved spectator of life.

James was no longer gripped by his previous way of relating to others andhis environment. He remarked on the change that he experienced in our beingwith one another during our later coaching sessions. There was a sense of‘letting go’ of things more, he said, being open to being changed and influencedby our dialogue, rather than assessing and evaluating everything in a rationaland detached manner. As well as a change in the relational element of his being,this highlighted yet another change in how James related to his own sense ofbeing with – or in – time, how he could be more authentic in a temporal sense.

James felt that he had ‘re-invented’ himself, as he put it: he was now resoluteabout carrying through those aspects of his experience that he had alreadylived through (i.e. accepting and acting on his thrownness) and that would nowshape his future, and that there was no deeper foundation that he could call onthan taking his own stand on the course and direction of his life i.e. his choiceswere contingent and not immutable. This was also unsettling for him, andcontinually so, since the safety of a set of rules and conventions was no longeravailable to him as his guide, and the choice to slide back to a conformist way

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of life was disingenuous and also limiting. It was not a case of James rejectingthese conventions and everyday practices that dictated the range of possibili-ties that were available to him; rather, it was from a position of choice – and,moreover, owned choice – as to when it was appropriate to stand out and apartfrom them and when to go along with them, that was now open to him.

Conclusion

Being authentic is reflected in an acknowledgement of the reality of our exis-tence as human beings, or persons. When we bring ourselves face to face withthe ways in which we avoid this, typically by being completely absorbed infollowing the conventional everyday ways of doing things, we realize theextent to which we have ‘dis-owned’ ourselves, or handed over the responsibil-ity for making choices as to ‘what one should do’, and so are closed off to ourpossibilities as persons.

An existentially-oriented approach to coaching addresses this uniquelyimportant distinction in relation to human living, and the possibilities that weare summoned to own and ‘own up’ to. When we fail to do so, either becausewe avoid the call that beckons us to take responsibility or because we deny thata choice even exists, we throw ourselves into a life that is lived in a second-hand way.

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ABC model 167–8ABCDEF model 169Abraham’s sacrifice of his son 34absurdity 60–1

organizational 76action 168active listening 87–8

see also tuning inadult position (TA) 105adumbrations 10affection 158–9ambition 37–8ambivalent/preoccupied/clinger/

entangled attachment pattern 147,148, 149

anchoring 180, 185–6anger 67, 69–70

management 181–6angst 144–5antecedents 167–8, 169anxiety 27, 33, 129, 133–4

and attachment 144–5and fear 63generalized 67–8leadership 75–6major life decisions 51, 52, 55

assertiveness 86attachment 142–53

creating secure attachment in coaching 152 existentialism and 143–4patterns 146–51

attention to intention 179authenticity 6, 21–31, 47, 61–2, 85,

106, 163–4authentic communication model

85–6authentic engagement with career

choice 66–71being authentic 23–5

in coaching 27–31in context 23leadership 73–4 phenomenological method and

using NLP techniques 134–6avoidant/dismissing attachment

pattern 147, 148, 150awareness of awareness 179

bad faith 24, 33–4, 97–8, 162, 163–4

Bandler, R. 134Beck, A.T. 166, 167, 171behaviour, sedimented patterns of 49,

56being 176

being authentic 23–5historical beings 25, 26–7and knowing 21, 22meaning of 34–5

being-in-the-world 78–9, 102–3, 169,176

being-towards-death 26, 164beliefs: cognitive-behavioural model

167–8, 169conflict coaching and 88–9core beliefs (schemas) 169–71sedimented 41, 49, 56, 98, 161see also values

belonging, need for 39–40Berne, E. 105bias 8–11Binswanger, L. 35, 87Bluckert, P. 78, 80, 81board members 112body: bodily intelligence 126

as body-environment 120–1 embodied coaching 117–27 inviting body awareness in a

coaching session 121

201

Index

202 Index

Bowlby, J. 142, 143bracketing (epoche) 9, 81, 88, 129,

134–6brain/mind connection 178–9brainstorming 54breathing, mindfully 186Buber, M. 79, 80, 103–4Burns, J.M. 89‘busyness’ 63, 64

calming 180, 185–6Camus, A. 60–1, 64career development 60–71

core elements of existentialism and60–6

corporate enterprises and the existential approach 66–71

career drift 67–8challenging 90, 92child position (TA) 105choice 106, 133–4

existential decision-making 49, 54–5 freedom and 25, 27, 64–5

client perspective 14–17coaching 4

and counselling 118 development in the business

world 117–18essence of 176–8scientist-practitioner model 123

coaching relationship 6–7, 171,179–80and attachment 145–6embodied coaching 122integrated existential workplace

coaching 107–9leadership coaching 78–9trusting working alliance in

conflict coaching 87, 90, 91–2, 93coaching space 7, 79–80, 151–2CoachU training programme 22co-creation 80–1Cogito 9, 10cognition 168cognitive behavioural coaching

(CBC) 166–74

basic principles of the cognitive behavioural model 167–9

cognitive behavioural techniques 171–3

influence of existential frameworks on 169–71

cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)166

cognitive distortions 169–71cognitive ‘map’ 130, 131Cohn, H.W. 79, 162Collard, P. 173common thinking errors 169–71communication model, NLP 131–2compassion 178competition 38, 39compromise, inauthentic 67,

69–70conflict 65–6

leadership 77–8, 83conflict coaching 84–100

coaching process 90–9confrontation 65–6congruence 146consciousness 176

phenomenology, reductions and 8–10

consequences 167–8, 169content, prioritization of process over

123–6contradictions 13–14, 32–3, 36–7

see also paradoxcontrol 158–9Cooper, M. 59, 76, 79cooperation 86

and competition 38, 39coping strategies 89–90core beliefs (schemas) 169–71corporate enterprises, career

development in 66–71counselling 4, 118courage, existential 18–20Covey, S. 104creativity 174crisis of meaning and purpose 146,

152–3

Index 203

death 63existential decision-making and

mortality 49, 56–7finitude 25, 26

decision-making: existential concernsand 49, 58five-step procedure 49–50judgment vs perception dichotomy

157–8major life decisions 47–59

deleting 131denial 13, 74Descartes, R. 176description 9, 82, 129, 137–8Deurzen, E. van 35, 41, 42, 74, 76, 78,

145–6Deutsch, M. 86, 89dialectics 7, 157, 172, 189dialogue 7, 172dignity 107dilemmas 33–4, 48dimensions of existence

see existential dimensionsdimensions of existential therapy 59disorganized/unresolved/wobbler

attachment pattern 147–8, 150–1distorting 131doubt 52dwarfs, phobia of 138–40

easy options 67–8Edgerton, N. 168eidetic reduction 8–9, 9–10Eigenwelt (personal dimension)

12–13, 35, 40, 4–1Eliot, G. 189

Middlemarch 162Ellis, A. 166, 167embodied coaching 117–27Emery, G. 171emotions 168

conflict coaching 88, 92existential decision-making 49,

50–3feeling vs thinking dichotomy

157–8

felt sense 120–2, 125MBEC 180–6

empathy 92, 146employment tribunals 84energy 178engagement 5–7

authentic engagement with career choice 66–71

with work 95–7engulfment, fear of 36environment: body as body-

environment 120–1envy 51Epictetus 167epoche (bracketing) 9, 81, 88, 129,

134–6equalization 9essence: of coaching 176–8

direct perception of 9–10and existence 24

excellence, modelling 134excitement 51existence, essence and 24existential coaching 3–20

client’s perspective 14–17engagement and paradox 5–7and existential psychotherapy

48guidelines for 14phenomenology 8–11 philosophy 4–5

existential concerns 128–9and career development 60–6and decision-making 49, 50–7, 58FIRO-B® assessment and 159, 160in leadership 73–8and NLP coaching theory 129–34

existential courage 18–20existential dimensions 12, 13, 169

conflict coaching 94–7paradox 34–5, 39–42

existential philosophy 5, 23existential psychotherapy 48, 59existential therapy 3

dimensions of 59

204 Index

experiential-existential coaching117–27

explanation 137–8exploration 176–7explorative listening 94extraversion 157–8

facticity 110, 162, 189existential decision-making 49,

54–5failure 37, 38family: career development and

family commitments 67–9 dynamics 105–6relationships and paradox 41

Fast Phobia Model 139–40fear 63, 144–5feedback 137feeling vs thinking dichotomy

157–8see also emotions

felt sense 120–2, 125financial clampdowns 77finitude 25, 26flexibility 70–1, 174focusing 119–20, 122, 123, 126followership 89–90, 94formality of corporate talent

development programme 66–71Frankl, V.E. 62, 74, 186freedom: and choice 25, 27, 64–5

existential decision-making 49, 54–5

vs responsibility 33, 42Freeman, A. 172Freud, S. 91frustration 67, 69–70fundamental interpersonal

orientation-behaviour (FIRO-B)®assessment 154, 156, 158–60, 161,163, 165, 188

funnel model 91, 93

Gendlin, E. 119–20, 122generalizing 131–2

givens 86, 162, 189authenticity 21, 25–7

goals: collaborative setting 172 interdependent in conflict

coaching 86SMART 166, 190

Grinder, J. 134guided discovery 172guilt 27

Hanaway, M. 93hard work 95, 96Hargrove, R. 22Heidegger, M. 6, 21, 23–4, 26, 35, 56,

63, 78–9, 102–3, 133, 164, 176‘hell is other people’ 103Heraclitus 91historical beings, being 25, 26–7horizon of intentionality 10horizontalization 9, 82, 129, 136–7Horner, C. 81–2Husserl, E. 10, 81, 87, 129, 134, 145,

176

I-thou relating 79, 103–4identity, loss of 33illusions 13imagery 171inclusion 158–9individual: Modernist portrayal of

21–2uniqueness of 86

insecure attachment 143, 145patterns 147, 148, 149–51

insubstantiality 33, 36integrated workplace coaching model

101–2, 106–13intention: attention to 179

paradox of 33intentionality 8, 87, 176

horizon of 10inter-being 176interdependent goals 86internal conflict 77interpretation 130introversion 157–8

Index 205

intuition 157–8isolation 39–40

Jacobson, B. 160–1Jaspers, K. 66, 155–6Johari window 156, 189judgment 157–8Jung, C.G. 157, 160–1junior executives 111junior staff/trainees 111justice (reward) 95–6, 99

Kabat-Zinn, J. 178Kierkegaard, S. 23, 34, 35, 61, 102Knight, S. 104–5knowing 21–2

unknowing 80, 104knowledge, paradox of 33Krigbaum, M. 140

Lages, A. 135Laing, R.D. 32–3leadership 72–83

conflict coaching 89–90, 94, 97–9existential concerns in 73–8MBEC 180 practice of existential coaching

78–83transactional 89, 98, 188transformational 89, 98, 188 workplace coaching 111–12

leading 135–6learning from mistakes 137learning space 79–80Lee, G. 79, 80life decisions, major 47–59life project 156, 189life-span growth 161life supervision 17listening: active 87–8

explorative 94five levels of 104

logotherapy 59Longbridge car plant 62loss 143

love 54, 56loving-kindness 178loyalty 95, 96

magical transformations of the world51, 57

major life decisions 47–59‘map’: cognitive 130–4

‘map is not the map’ 130Marx, K. 110–11May, R. 33McLeod, A. 23meaning 62–3, 130

crisis of 146, 152–3existential anxiety and 133existential decision-making 49,

52–4leadership 74–5, 83

meaninglessness 76mediation 84, 92–4

common values of clients 95–7see also conflict coaching

meditation, walking 186meditative thinking 165, 190Merleau-Ponty, M. 161migrants, existential 123–6mind/brain connection 178–9Mindell, A. 85mindfulness 173, 175–87

nature of 178shared assumptions with

existential-phenomenology 175–6

mindfulness based existential coaching (MBEC) 179–87

mistakes, learning from 137Mitwelt (social dimension) 12, 13, 35,

39–41modelling 104–5, 108, 110, 129, 134,

137–8mortality see deathmovement 10mutuality 85Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

(MBTI)® assessment 154, 156–8,160–1, 163, 165, 188–9

206 Index

needs 142–3FIRO-B® assessment 158–9

neuro-linguistic programming (NLP)128–41communication model 131–2and creating rapport 108, 135–6phenomenological coaching and

using NLP techniques 134–40workplace coaching 101–2, 104–5,

107, 110, 111neuroscientific evidence 179Nietzsche, F. 5, 19, 62, 102Noema 9–10, 87–8Noesis 9, 87, 8–8number of sessions 108–9, 180

object 8–11, 81O’Connor, J. 135O’Leary, K.D. 167O’Neill, M.B. 22onto-dynamics 6–7openness 97, 99optimal frustration 145options 48–9, 54–5organization: corporate enterprises

and career development 66–71 organizational absurdity 76useful coaching points in 110–12

others/otherness: attachmentpatterns and view of 148–51conflict 86–7FIRO-B® assessment and 156,

158–9‘hell is other people’ 103I-thou relating 79, 103–4see also relatedness

pacing 135–6Palmer, S. 168, 169paradox 5–7, 17, 32–43parent position (TA) 105Parsons, R. 101partnership level 112passion 63–4Peltier, B. 14perception 157–8

perceptual filters 130–1personal dimension (Eigenwelt)

12–13, 35, 40, 41phenomenology 5, 8–11, 87–8

approach to decision-making 59approach and migrants 124 leadership coaching 81–2phenomenological method andusing NLP techniques 134–40phenomenological reduction 8–9 principles and NLP 129–34shared assumptions with

mindfulness 175–6philosophy 4–5phobia of dwarfs 138–40Phoenix Venture Holdings (PVH) 62physical dimension (Umwelt) 12–13,

35, 39, 40physiology 168point zero 10preparatory questions 106–7process, prioritized over content

123–6psychiatry 4psychology 4, 117

psychological ebb and flow withinthe coaching process 91–2

psychometric assessments 154–65,188, 189existential perspective on results

160–4FIRO-B® tool 154, 156, 158–60,

161, 163, 165, 188MBTI® tool 154, 156–8, 160–1, 163,

165, 188, 189when to use 156–7

Psychosocial Working Conditionssurvey 101

psychotherapy 4, 117–18purpose: crisis of 146, 152–3

leadership 74–5, 83

Randolph, P. 85, 135–6rapport 107, 129, 134–6, 171

NLP and creating 108, 135–6reductions 8–10

Index 207

redundancy 62relatedness 176

FIRO-B® tool 156, 158–9NLP and 129–32

relationships: coaching relationshipsee coaching relationshipconflict in 77–8

relaxation 173relief 51resource anchor 139respect 90, 95, 96, 97, 99responsibility: choices and 65

conflict coaching 90, 92existential decision-making 49,

54–5vs freedom 33, 42

reward (justice) 95–6, 99rippling 154, 189Rogers, C. 146role-models 104–5, 108, 110Rush, A.J. 171

Salkovskis, P.M. 170Sartre, J.-P. 10, 23–4, 33, 42, 51, 57,

60–1, 64–5, 73, 98, 102, 103, 161–2schemas 169–71scientist-practitioner model 123scripts 105secure attachment 142–3, 147, 148–9

creating in coaching 152security 37–8, 42sedimentations 41, 98, 161

existential decision-making 49, 56self 160

attachment patterns and view of 148–50

exploration of 161extension of 146

self-alienation 163–4self-awareness 123self-deception 33–4self-esteem 90–1self-help 173self-knowledge 92

MBTI® tool 156, 157–8self-responsibility 92

senior management 111–12sensing vs intuition dichotomy 157–8sensory awareness mindfulness

training (SAMT) 173separation 143sessions, number of 108–9, 180Shaw, B.F. 171sickness absence 101Siegel, D.J. 179Sieler, A. 22Silentio, J. de 34silken threads 154, 164–5Sisyphus 64SMART goals 166, 190social context 168social dimension (Mitwelt) 12, 13, 35,

39–41Socrates 6Socratic dialogue 7, 172space: coaching space 7, 79–80, 151–2

mindfulness 185–6SPACE model 168Spinelli, E. 41, 56, 75, 77–9, 80–2, 87,

104, 129, 130, 132–3spiritual dimension (Uberwelt) 12,

13, 35, 40, 42, 94–7Sprecklen, M. 177Steinhouse, R. 107stillness 77strangeness 86Strasser, A. 58, 80–1Strasser, F. 32, 37, 41, 58, 80–1, 85,

135–6diagram of the coaching process

90, 91–2stress: attachment patterns and

148–51management techniques 173

structured decision-making 48–9, 59subject 8–11, 81subjectivity 130sub-modalities 132success 37, 38supervision 123support staff 110–11Szasz, T.S. 34

208 Index

teleological suspension of the ethical34

temporality see time and temporalitytension 67, 69–70Thich Nhat Hanh 176, 178, 185, 187thinking: common thinking errors

169–71embodied 119meditative 165, 190thinking vs feeling dichotomy

157–8third wave cognitive behavioural

approaches 173thrownness 26–7, 35, 42, 74time and temporality 106

existential decision-making 49, 53, 56–7

temporality as a given 25, 27time-limited existential therapy 58–9totalization 10trainees/junior staff 111training 123transactional analysis (TA) 101–2,

105–6, 109–10, 145transactional leadership 89, 98, 188Transcendental Ego 9, 10transcendental intersubjectivity 10transcendental reduction 8–9, 10transformational leadership 89, 98,

188trust 136

trusting working alliance in conflict coaching 87, 90–3

tuning in 89–90, 91–3, 134–6, 138–9,140

tuning out 91–3, 136, 138–40

Uberwelt (spiritual dimension) 12,13, 35, 40, 42, 94–7

Umwelt (physical dimension) 12, 13,35, 39, 40

uncertainty 129, 130, 132–3, 177 existential decision-making 49,

55–6leadership 77

unconditional positive regard 146universal consciousness 10universals 6, 10unknowing 80, 104

values: conflict coaching and valuesystems 88–9, 94–7, 99existential decision-making 49,

52–4, 57 leadership 73–4, 82sedimented 41, 49, 56, 98, 161

verification 9waiter 98walking meditation 186Walsh, J. 173Warnock, M. 65Whitmore, J. 176–7whole person, working with the 75Wilson, G.T. 167work, engagement with 95–7working alliance, trusting 87, 90,

91–3workplace 101–13

existential integrated coaching model 101–2, 106–13

worldview 28, 39–42, 66, 131

Yalom, I. 58, 86