Appendix - Moody Publishers

Appendix

DEBT DOCUMENT

OFFENDER ________________________ DATE _______________

WHAT HAPPENED WHAT I FELT/ WHAT I BELIEVED

WHAT I EXPECTED __________

SurvivingSuicideLoss.indd 203SurvivingSuicideLoss.indd 203 5/3/21 3:15 PM5/3/21 3:15 PM

Copyrighted Material

204 SURVIVING SUICIDE LOSS

PAST

HURT

FEAR(S) SITUATION BELIEFS FEELINGS THINKING

ERROR

TOXIC THOUGHT RECORD



Resources

WEBSITES

Alliance of Hope: https://allianceofhope.org

American Association of Christian Counselors: www.aacc.net

The American Association of Suicidology (AAS) offers a variety of resources and programs to survivors in an attempt to lessen the pain as they travel their special path of grief. www.suicidology.org

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org

Center for Suicide Prevention: https://www.suicideinfo.ca/resource/support-group-for-suicide-survivors

Focus on the Family 1-855-771-HELP (4357): https://www .focusonthefamily.com/get-help/counseling-services-and- referrals

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Parents of Suicides (POS) and Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS): https://www.pos-ffos.com

SAVE (Suicide Awareness Voices of Education): https:// save.org/find-help/coping-with-loss

Suicide Awareness Voices of Education: https://save.org/what-we-do/grief-support/find-a-support-group




TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors): TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing® is located at TAPS Headquarters, 3033 Wilson Blvd., Third Floor, Arlington, VA 22201; https://www.taps.org/suicidepostvention or call 800-959-8277

BOOKS

Albert Y. Hsu, Grieving a Suicide: A Loved One’s Search for Com-fort, Answers, and Hope (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2002).

Megan Devine , It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand (Boulder, CO: Sounds True, 2017).

Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One (Naperville, IL: Sourcebooks, 2008).



Notes

CHAPTER 1: FALLOUT

1. Anne-Grace Scheinin quoted in Douglas Connelly’s After Life: What the Bible Really Says (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1995), 55.

2. Lindsey Lanquist, “WHO: Depression Is the Leading Cause of Dis-ability Worldwide,” March 31, 2017, https://www.self.com/story/who-depression-disability.

3. “Secret in Their Eyes,” written and directed by Billy Ray, STX Entertainment, 2015, https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1741273/ ?ref_=ttco_co_tt.

4. M. K. Nock, I. Hwang, N. A. Sampson, and R. C. Kessler, “Mental Disorders, Comorbidity and Suicidal Behavior: Results from the Na-tional Comorbidity Survey Replication,” Molecular Psychology, March 31, 2009, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2889009.

CHAPTER 2: MAKING SENSE OF THE DESIRE TO DIE

1. “Christie Chubbuck—biography,” SSRI Stories, July 15, 1974, https://ssristories.org/christine-chubbuck-biography-fampeople-com.

2. Thomas E. Joiner, “2011 Suicide Prevention Conference: ‘Myths about Suicide’” (video), Goodreads.com, https://www.goodreads .com/videos/57138-2011-suicide-prevention-conference-myths-about-suicide.

3. Valerie Rubin, “Tragic TV Drama Unfolds before Unbelieving Eyes,” Sarasota Herald-Tribune, July 16, 1974.

4. Joiner, “2011 Suicide Prevention Conference: ‘Myths about Suicide.’”




5. Thomas Joiner, Why People Die by Suicide (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2005), 92.

6. WHY PEOPLE DIE BY SUICIDE by Thomas Joiner, Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, Copyright © 2005 by the Presi-dent and Fellows of Harvard College. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

7. “Most Powerful Speech by Man Who Survived Jump from Golden Gate Bridge | Kevin Hines | Goalcast,” February 13, 2019, (video), YouTube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEFBtaOySl8.

8. Thomas Joiner, “The Interpersonal-Psychological Theory of Suicidal Behavior: Current Empirical Status,” Science Briefs, American Psycho-logical Association, June 2009, https://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2009/06/sci-brief.

9. Rita A. Schulte, Shattered: Finding Hope and Healing through the Losses of Life (Abilene, TX: Leafwood Publishers, 2013), 14.

CHAPTER 3: THE SILENT SCREAM

1. Edwin S. Shneidman, Autopsy of a Suicidal Mind (New York: Oxford University Press, 2004), 162.

2. Carla Fine, No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One (Portland, OR: Broadway Books, 1997), 36.

3. A. Pitman, et al., “Effects of Suicide Bereavement on Mental Health and Suicide Risk,” Lancet Psychiatry, 2014, 1:86–94.

4. “Neuroscience/Neurobiology,” Mind Brain Behavior, Harvard University, https://mbb.harvard.edu/pages/undergraduate-tracks- neurobiology.

5. “The Amygdala and Emotions,” Effective Mind Control, updated on October 19, 2015, https://www.effective-mind-control.com/amygdala .html.

6. Trevor Hughes, “For Columbine Survivors, Life Is about Finding ‘That New Normal’ 20 Years Later,” USA Today, April 20, 2019, https://www.yahoo.com/news/columbine-survivors-life-finding-apos-163213544.html?.tsrc=fauxdal.

7. Ibid.



NOTES 211

8. Barbara Monroe developed the “Balls and Jars” concept as an expan-sion of the work of Lois Tonkin. Lois Tonkin, Cert Counselling (NZ), “Growing around Grief—Another Way of Looking at Grief and Recovery,” Bereavement Care 15, no. 1 (1996), https://doi.org/ 10.1080/02682629608657376.

CHAPTER 4: THE MIND-BODY CONNECTION

1. This is a popular inspirational quote, although it doesn’t appear to be attributed to any one author.

2. “Take a Deep Breath,” American Institute of Stress, August 10, 2012, http://www.stress.org/take-a-deep-breath.

3. From the book Resilience. Copyright © 2018 by Linda Graham. Re-printed with permission by New World Library, Novato, CA. www .newworldlibrary.com, 37.

4. From the book Resilience. Copyright © 2018 by Linda Graham. Re-printed with permission by New World Library, Novato, CA. www .newworldlibrary.com, 46–47.

5. Schulte, Shattered: Finding Hope and Healing Through the Losses of Life, 39.

CHAPTER 5: MAKING MEANING

1. Quote from “Love Beyond Stars” Facebook page, https://www .facebook.com/lovebeyondstars2015.

2. Isaac Sakinofsky, “The Aftermath of Suicide: Managing Survivors’ Bereavement,” Canadian Journal of Psychiatry 52, 6 Suppl 1 (2007): 129S–136S.

3. Albert Y. Hsu, Grieving a Suicide: A Loved One’s Search for Comfort, Answers, and Hope (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarisity Press, 2017), 10.

4. Stephen Joseph, What Doesn’t Kill Us: The New Psychology of Post-traumatic Growth (New York: Basic Books, 2013), “Introduction: Nietzsche’s Dictum,” xvii.

5. Anke Ehlers and David Clark, “A Cognitive Model of Posttraumatic Disorder,” Behaviour Research and Therapy 38, no. 4 (April 2000): 319–45, https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0005796799001230.




6. Trauma Recovery, “What is EMDR?” https://www.emdrhap.org/content/what-is-emdr.

7. If you are having difficulty with traumatic memories that won’t abate, or if you’re struggling with shame and guilt and are interested in EMDR therapy, do your research in order to find an experienced therapist who practices this treatment.

8. I first heard the term “remembered resource” during a presentation by Lisa Ferentz, founder of the Ferentz Institute. In an email communi-cation to me, Lisa explained that she was drawing from a workshop exercise led by psychotherapist Babette Rothschild. I then added the word “person” to create the Remembered Resource Person (RRP).

9. “Why Shame and Guilt are Functional for Mental Health,” Posi-tive Psychology, October 31, 2020, https://positivepsychology.com/shame-guilt/.

10. Jeffrey Jackson, “SOS: Handbook for Survivors of Suicide” (Wash-ington, DC: American Association of Suicidology, 2004), 19.

11. This concept is similar to the jars of grief. In my work with patients, I often draw a pie shape with the focus being to grow certain parts of the self. The jars exercise focuses on the intensity of the grief and how to move on while still honoring your loved one.

CHAPTER 6: STIGMA

1. “What’s So Funny about Mental Illness? | Ruby Wax,” TED, October 10, 2012, YouTube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbbMLOZ jUYI.

2. Mary Catherine McDonald, Marissa Brandt, and Robyn Bluhm, “From Shell-Shock to PTSD, a Century of Invisible War Trauma,” PBS News Hour, November 11, 2018, https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/from-shell-shock-to-ptsd-a-century-of-invisible-war-trauma.

3. Ibid. 4. Abram Kardiner, “The Traumatic Neuroses of War” (Washington, DC:

National Research Council, 1941), Committee on Problems of Neurotic Behavior, OCLC 123390571. Also see The Conversation: https://theconversation.com/from-shell-shock-to-ptsd-a-century-of- invisible-war-trauma-74911.



NOTES 213

5. Suicide Prevention Information: National Veteran Suicide Prevention Report, https://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/docs/data-sheets/2020/ 2020-National-Veteran-Suicide-Prevention-Annual-Report-11-2020- 508.pdf and Resources, http://dphhs.mt.gov/amdd/Suicide.aspx.2020.

6. Sarah Keller, Vanessa McNeill, Joy Honea, and Lani Paulson Miller, “A Look at Culture and Stigma of Suicide: Textual Analysis of Com-munity Theatre Performances,” International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 16, no. 3 (2019): 352, https://doi.org/ 10.3390/ijerph16030352.

7. Nicolas Rüsch, Patrick W. Corrigan, Karina Powell, Anita Rajah, Manfred Olschewski, Sandra Wilkniss, Karen Batia, “A Stress-Coping Model of Mental Illness Stigma: II. Emotional Stress Responses, Coping Behavior and Outcome,” Schizophrenia Research 110, nos. 1–3 (2009): 65–71.

8. Ibid. 9. Ibid. 10. Ibid. 11. Franz Hanschmidt, et al, “The Stigma of Suicide Survivorship and

Related Consequences—A Systematic Review,” PLOS ONE 11, no. 9 (2016): e0162688, doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0162688.

12. Sarah Keller, Vanessa McNeill, Joy Honea, and Lani Paulson Miller, “A Look at Culture and Stigma of Suicide: Textual Analysis of Community Theatre Performances,” https://www.mdpi.com/ 1660-4601/16/3/352/htm.

13. Candida Moss, “The Catholic Church’s Own Complicated History with Suicide,” The Daily Beast, December 23, 2018, https://www .thedailybeast.com/the-catholic-churchs-own-complicated-history- with-suicide.

14. Ibid. 15. Natalie Ford, American Association of Christian Counselors World

Conference, Nashville, Tennessee, 2017. 16. Kay Warren, “Kay Warren Says ‘Don’t Tell Grievers to Move On’

as 1 Year Anniversary of Son’s Suicide Approaches,” Facebook post. Used by permission.




CHAPTER 7: EXISTENTIAL SHATTERING

1. This quote is often attributed to Winston Churchill, although there is not definitive evidence he ever stated this. See https:// quoteinvestigator.com/2014/09/14/keep-going.

2. Louis Hoffman and Lisa Vallejos, “Existential Shattering,” in Ency-clopedia of Psychology and Religion, ed. David A. Leeming (Berlin, Heidelberg: Springer, 2019), https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-642- 27771-9_200193-1.

3. Lisa M. Vallejos, “Shattered: A Heuristic Self-Search Inquiry of One Mother’s Journey to Wholeness after a Child’s Diagnosis of a Poten-tially Fatal Congenital Heart Defect” (PhD diss., Saybrook University, 2015), 6, quoted in ibid.

4. Hoffman and Vellejos, “Existential Shattering.” 5. Louis Hoffman, Heatherlyn P. Cleare-Hoffman, and Lisa Vallejos,

“Existential Issues in Trauma: Implications for Assessment and Treat-ment,” August 2013, http://dx.doi.org/10.13140/RG.2.1.5166.2881.

6. Ibid. 7. Aaron T. Beck, A. John Rush, Brain F. Shaw, and Gary Emery, Cogni-

tive Therapy of Depression (New York: Guilford Press, 1979), 78. 8. From What Doesn’t Kill Us by Dr. Steven Joseph, copyright © 2011,

2013. Reprinted by permission of Basic Books, an imprint of Ha-chette Book Group, Inc.

9. Adapted from Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond (3rd ed.) by John Beck (New York: Guilford Press, 2020), 216. Used with permission.

CHAPTER 8: UNFINISHED BUSINESS

1. God’s Not Dead (film), written by Hunter Dennis, Chuck Konzelman, and Cary Solomon, 2014, https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2528814/plotsummary.

2. The American Colony in Jerusalem, Library of Congress, https://www.loc.gov/exhibits/americancolony/amcolony-family.html.

3. Albert Y. Hsu, Grieving a Suicide: A Loved One’s Search for Comfort, Answers, and Hope (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2017), 102–103, Kindle.



NOTES 215

4. Ibid, 107.

CHAPTER 9: MAKING PEACE WITH OURSELVES

1. Kristen Neff and Christopher Germer, The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive (New York: Guilford Press, 2018), 35.

2. Thomas William Herringshaw, Herringshaw’s Encyclopedia of Ameri-can Biography of the Nineteenth Century (1898), 132.

3. Neff and Germer, The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, 35. 4. Ibid. 5. Ibid. 6. “Evolution of The Internal Family Systems Model By Dr. Richard

Schwartz, Ph. D.,” IFS Institute, https://ifs-institute.com. 7. Kristin Neff, “Self-compassion,” https://self-compassion.org/what-self-

compassion-is-not-2. 8. Ibid. 9. https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/The_5_

Myths_of_Self-Compassion.Psychotherapy.Networker.Sept_.2015.pdf.

CHAPTER 10: FACING THE DARK SIDE

1. Empty Chair Technique developed by Fritz Perls, https://www .mentalhelp.net/blogs/gestalt-therapy-the-empty-chair-technique.

2. Fritz Perls, Gestalt Therapy Verbatim, 1969 reprinted by the estate of Frederick Perls, M.D. The Gestalt Journal Press, Inc. A Division of: the Center for Gestalt Development, Gouldsboro, ME, 146.

CHAPTER 11: CHILDREN: LIVING BEHIND THE SHADOW

1. https://themighty.com/2015/09/messages-for-anyone-who-lost-a- loved-one-to-suicide/.

2. https://aeon.co/essays/when-a-parent-dies-by-suicide-how-are-the- children-told.

3. When a Parent Dies by Suicide, https://www.camh.ca/en/health-info/guides-and-publications/when-a-parent-dies-by -suicide.




4. A.S. Rakic (1992). Sibling survivors of adolescent suicide (Doctoral dissertation). Available from ProQuest Dissertations and Theses Full Text database. (UMI No. 304032612), 2.

5. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/ccf/media/Files/bereavement/understanding-death-grief-mourning-resources-manual.pdf. This is an adaptation of an article by Kenneth Doka appearing in Children Mourning, Mourning Children published by Hospice Foundation of America, 1995. Reference: Helping Children Understand Death. Cooperative Extensions Service, Ohio State University.

6. Leah Royden, “Sibling Suicide Survivors: The ‘Forgotten Mourners,’” The Mourning After (blog), Psychology Today, February 15, 2019, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mourning-after/ 201902/sibling-suicide-survivors-the-forgotten-mourners.

CHAPTER 12: ALONGSIDE

1. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/1134640-it-s-your-road-and- yours-alone-others-may-walk-it.

2. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/854702-the-bravest-thing-i- ever-did-was-continuing-my-life.

3. Andrew Wilson, Shadow of the Titanic: The Extraordinary Stories of Those Who Survived (New York: Atria Books, 2011), 323, Kindle.

4. Eve Griffin and Elaine Mcmahon, “Suicide Bereavement Support: A Literature Review,” 2019, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/ 333104296_Suicide_Bereavement_Support_A_Literature_Review.

5. https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/supporting-survivors-of-suicide-loss.

6. Kenneth Doka and Terry Martin, Grieving Beyond Gender: Under-standing the Ways Men and Women Mourn, 2nd ed., (New York: Rutledge, 2010). https://www.researchgate.net/publication/ 51500219_Grieving_Beyond_Gender_Understanding_the_Ways_Men_and_Women_Mourn_by_K_J_Doka_T_L_Martin.

7. Michelle Linn-Gust, PhD. “Sibling Survivors of Suicide.” Legacy Con-nect. http://connect.legacy.com/inspire/sibling-survivors-of-suicide.

8. Ibid. 9. Ibid.



NOTES 217

10. Up (film), written by Bob Peterson and Pete Docter, Pixar Animation Studios, 2009.

CHAPTER 13: THE TIME THAT REMAINS

1. Helen Keller, The World I Live In and Optimism: A Collection of Essays (Mineola, NY: Dover Books, 2010), 89.

2. S. S. Luthar, “Resilience in development: A synthesis of research across five decades,” In D. Cicchetti & D. J. Cohen, eds., Developmental Psychopathology, Vol. 3: Risk, disorder, and adaptation, 2nd ed. (Hobo-ken, NJ: Wiley, 2006) 739-95. Also https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2956753.

3. Ibid. 4. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db362.htm. 5. Bruce Feiler, “How to Master Change,” Psychology Today, April 23,

2020, last reviewed July 14, 2020, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/202004/how-master-change.

6. Steven M. Southwick and Dennis S. Charney, “The Science of Resil-ience: Implications for the Prevention and Treatment of Depression,” Science 338, no. 6103 (October 5, 2012): 79–82.

7. Ibid. 8. Martin E. P. Seligman, Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind

and Your Life (New York: Vintage Books, 2006), 44–51. 9. Ibid. 10. Linda Sparrowe, “Transcending Trauma: How Yoga Heals,” Yoga

International, https://yogainternational.com/article/view/transcending-trauma-how-yoga-heals.

11. Eilene Zimmerman, “What Makes Some People More Resilient Than Others,” published June 18, 2020, updated June 21, 2020, New York Times, https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/18/health/resilience-relationships-trauma.html.

12. Ibid. 13. Chris Johnstone, “Inspiring Stories of Resilience,” Positive News,

February 16, 2015, https://www.positive.news/perspective/blogs/positive-psychology-blogs/inspiring-stories-resilience.




EPILOGUE: LIVING A NEW STORY

1. Brené Brown, Rising Strong (New York: Penguin Random House,2017), xvi.



Appendix - Moody Publishers

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