Module Two Assignment

For Ikon Institute

Advanced Diploma of Transpersonal

Art Therapy

QLDTAT10 Student Cohort

The Apollonian and Dionysian Battle Within

by Rebekah Copas

student number IKO00000YT

The Apollonian and Dionysian

Battle WithinAssignment Instructions:

Over a few weeks, observe the Apollonian and Dionysian drives and decisions that you make. Note these in your journal. Allow some time for this part of the assignment.

Meditate for a few minutes on the content of the journal list, the struggles to assert your individuality, your desire for self-determination, and your need to be part of a community where others' “ways of being” may not always be in alignment with your own. Create an Artwork that speaks to you of this challenge.

Observe yourself in the process, and observe the product with reference to the challenges. What do you see that you didn't see or know before? How do you

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make meaning of these things you witness? Rotate the Artwork and see what new information you might glean. How does this inform your view of the world and mental wellbeing? Document your process – both the Art making, and the self-reflection.

Remember this is an Art Therapy assignment, so please consider the applicability of the concepts discussed, to client work, and comment upon the fundamental concepts in Art Therapy. In particular, discuss how the unconscious is privileged through the exercise, what qualities of experience and medium are relevant, and how the choice of medium is justified.

(3000 words) Please include of photograph of your work in the body of your assignment.

The Apollonian and Dionysian Battle Within

(5500ish words this draft – to be reduced to 3000 for assessment)

In this essay, theory from modern philosophy, (Khan, 2015) of

there being a tension between Apollonian and Dionysian modes of

interpreting, our thoughts and ourselves, within our environment,

is being applied to Art Therapy. This is done through describing

engagement within a specific prescribed Art Therapy process,

designed to privilege the unconscious mind. The Art’s relationship

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with daily life, is examined via the “one step removed” process of

storytelling, accessing mythological stories as the origins of

metaphor, such as is often the unconscious role of mythology.

The Art mediums in use, are also examined through the same process

of applying an analysis based in mythology and storytelling.

My thought process for beginning this assignment, began at May

fifth, when I read the assignment guidelines a second time. I

immediately made a series of very Dionysian choices, that were not

entirely conscious. The decision making processes which were

conscious, but had not at first been conscious, were aligned

directly with the journal keeping requirement for this assignment.

However, without direct consciousness of this being my process for

this assignment, I avoided documenting my Dionysian choices in the

journal, and rather the journal read very dry for the first few

weeks, listing only disagreement with Apollonian restrictions.

What happened is that a large array of potential outcomes of my

more Dionysian, and unconscious choices, began surfacing in my

Dreams. Those potential outcomes included a significant number I

had never previously considered to be realistic. Yet I had begun

to behave, in only a few weeks, fully consistent with a real life

outcome eventuating. Although I did not have a clue as to what 3

exact form that outcome could be. I merely perceived a need to be

ready for a major change in my life style. Then, after three

weeks, I read through the assignment instructions again. Now with

the consciousness that I had been avoiding the Apollonian

responsibility of attending to becoming a qualified Art Therapist,

and had been doing a bad job of journal keeping. I suddenly

realised it could have been better had I kept coherent written

journal entries of all my more Dionysian choices during these

three weeks. However, instead, the record I have kept, is in the

form of a crotchet projected, and also a significant change in how

I used social media between May fifth and June fifth. Eventually

I also make enough journal entries for the purpose of this

assignment, from late May through into mid-June. This way my list

I had to work from for the assignment, is now more coherenet, and

included in Appendix A, as an abbreviated version of the entire

list, which is in part a reconstruction of earlier in May, and in

part the list of follow through choices. One of these choices, is

to approach writing this essay, from a far more Dionysian minded

aspect of my character, than I normally would for an academic

essay. A part of my process, was to make a list, documenting all

my uses of social media, between May fifth, and June fifth. I

extrapolated retrospective journal entries from that list.

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My overall observances about the entire period of time, within

which I have made an analysis of my choices, as being weighted

either more towards Dionysos or more towards Apollo, I condensed

more briefly in writing, before making the Art work for this

assignment. At the outset, I had a general concern about my

menstrual cycle being irregular, and an additional distress about

having had an unwanted pregnancy, and miscarrying. By the

conclusion of the time period I have evaluated for the purpose of

this assignment, I had a positive result from an ultrasound, and

the diagnosis that I am now peri-menopausal. These facts

indicated that a potentially high level change is possible. But

as to whether the peri-menopausal condition, leading to menopause,

and that change, is leading me into a more Apollonian or Dionysian

set of choices, is a hard concept to grapple with. I chose to

keep my analysis as simple as possible, and rather than using the

longer lists of what can be categorised as Apollonian and what

Dionysian, we are given in the Visionary Practice document, by Dr

Raphael Locke, I choose a shorter set of lists, found online, by

Nancy Taylor, (Taylor, 2015), as follows:

APOLLONIANSun

DIONYSIANEarth

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ReasonOrderClarityModerationControlAnalysisResearchRule-Oriented

PassionSpontaneityImaginationExcessFrenzyIntuitionFeelingFaith & Ritual

The period of time in question, is also busy with more choir

obligations than usual, and also my regular practising at my

fledgling film making skill, that I commit time into each week.

The pressure of obligations to meet, that included also handing in

the Module One assignment in this course, and attending an

intensive weekend for Module Three, caused me to be less involved

with my housework than usual. My house is messy at the best of

times, and right now, particularly so. I have a low key feeling

of anger towards men in general, underlying the mess, as though I

am on housework strike, but without a man around to be cleaning

for. The matter of my housework feels to be beyond my control.

My Dionysian choices are all contextualised by this being a time

period of greater Apollonian demands on me. However, within my

Dionysian choices, a few very distinct but discrete, Apollonian

choices become apparent. For example, I could now continue

attending a Church I have seldom before attended. Also, within a 6

more Apollonian choice, to bow out of all social media, bit by

bit, and spend at least all of the period of time of Ramadan,

having a social media fast, a rather Dionysian possibility erupted

in a Dream, but that I discredit as not worthy of being

considered.

The general pattern I observe, is that the more overtly Apollonian

a choice is, the more likely it will be that an unexpected

Dionysian outcome is going to emerge, and the more overtly

Dionysian a choice is, the more likely it will be that an

unexpected Apollonian outcome is going to emerge. This

observation, enables me to relate the Dionysian versus Apollonian

theory, from Neitzsche in his book “The Birth of Tragedy”, into

the East Asian concept of Yin and Yang. However, I harbour a need

to investigate Neitzsche's theory more, before drawing this

conclusion.

My Dionysian drive tends to be hyper-critical of my Apollonian

inclinations, always supplying me with reasonable reason I am not

wrong to avoid Apollonian structure. This Dionysian drive, causes

that it is only when perfect, or near perfect, (if not merely

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inescapable), that the Apollonian principle is engaged with in

myself. The Apollonian drive in me, on the other hand, is not at

all judgemental of the Dionysian. Sometimes it wants to be more

judgemental, but then Dionysian outcomes reign, because Dionysos

within me insists on perfection from Apollo, and regards it

perfect only when Apollo will repudiate all blame. The point

here, is in that perfection seldom observes the imperfect, and

imperfection seldom observes perfection. And I think my Dionysian

drive is really more perfectly Dionysian, than the Apollonian is

able to be Apollonian. In my world, Apollo is unusually flawed,

whereas Dionysos always correct. I relate this conceptually with

my understanding of the indigenous Australian Mythos of the Sun

Woman and Moon Man. (Mountford & Roberts, 1965) Within indigenous

culture, the Moon Man is held as an almost identical character as

is Dionysos. At least Moon Man is ascribed the same social

function, of leadership in altered states of consciousness. As

Dionysos is to the Greek regarding alcohol, so Moon Man is to

indigenous men, regarding Pituri.

It often happens in my life, that other persons presume of me,

that my Apollonian and Dionysian drives are the reverse of as is

the case with me. However, it is with a clear conscience I state 8

that I have well structured thinking in me, about my choice to

live beyond judgement, without judging others, as an Apollonian

choice lead by a Dionysian. And this patterns of thoughts in me,

is often misapprehended by others. Thus the best explanation I

could provide, is that via understanding the Sun Woman and Moon

Man mythos, the results can often seem to be an inversion of what

is real. In reality, the sun is more masculine and the moon more

feminine, but in the mythology of indigenous Australia, Moon Man

is a representation, not of a Spiritual way among men, by of men

being themselves, a “Self”, within a self-hood, that loves woman.

Sun woman is loved by Moon Man, into becoming herself as brightly

shining as the Sun, of course for his own benefit, inasmuch as

that his love of her will always reflect her, that she will see in

his face, his love. In essence the woman reflects the man, but of

the self, as external coating, or mask, the man reflects the

woman. The indigenous mythos retains its tenure and mystique,

even today within Christian contexts, by a consistent and constant

mask.

The previous five paragraphs, summarise retrospective notes about

my full set of journal entries. However, also, before commencing

my Artwork, I read what I could find online, about the accepted 9

Apollonian versus Dionysian patterns of analysis of Art. And I

read about Nietzsche and his work “The Birth of Tragedy”. Perhaps

it is because I felt disquiet around Nietzsche’s analysis, as

depicted in this quote: “Nietzsche believes that the European society is facing

nihilism, which is a logical consequence of the replacement of tragic Greek value system by

Judeo-Christian values. Greek tragedy evolved because of two principles, Dionysian and

Apollonian working together in equilibrium. After centuries of suppression of these

principles, there is a great need now to give them their due place, in order to save the

society from nihilism and to replace the current decayed values with a more healthy value

system.”; that I sought more stories, through which I could find an

Apollonian versus Dionysian tension, and I found myself relating

to the content I read, through remembering learning I undertook

whilst studying in a Massive Open Online Course (MOOC), called

“Online Games: Literature, New Media, and Narrative” (Clayton,

2013). In that course we learn about Romance in Narrative Theory

in literature, and its application to Massive Multiplayer Online

Role Playing Games (MMORPG). Immediately I am returning into my

Dionysian humour about having a MOOC about MMORPG, and the theory,

as an Apollonian thought construct, sits well. Romance literature

sustains the hallmark of being of the Hero's Journey Archetypal

story, as in Homer's Odyssey, but with the twist of a clinically

depressed hero, who is in grave danger of coming to a bad end,

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precisely because of his belief in that bad end being inevitable.

There are versions that exist of Romance narratives where the hero

did not come to a bad end, and the example provided by Jay

Clayton, is The Lord Of The Rings; however the fact that the

Apollonian and Dionysian tension in Romance literature is overt,

is perhaps of historical relevance to the time frame of Neitzsche,

Wagner, and their alignment with Shopenhauer. (Khan, 2015)

However, that fact, if true, needs more research to substantiate

that can fit within the bounds of this essay, and rather here, I

take the Dionysian approach, of exploration of narrative options

around myself.

The Lord Of The Rings version of Romance is one of my favourites,

and this is that which I choose for relating to the Apollonian

versus Dionysian tension. I choose it above indigenous mythology,

because the indigenous Australian contexts enables Dionysos to be

the clear victor, even especially from within an Apollonian view

point. I think I need explore the Apollonian content of my life

more than I have, and The Lord Of The Rings, being a story I read

many times in childhood, is a good vehicle. In my mind, Tom

Bombadil is Dionysos, and Aragorn is the cumulative summation of

many endeavours, by men, elves, and wizards, not to mention 11

hobbits, towards resurrecting Apollo back into his former, pre-

Christian stature. Dionysos wins, of course, for Tom Bombadil

will fear no evil, and is unimpinged upon by all the evils of the

Middle Earth's world, within the time frame of Tolkien's

narrative. (Tolkien & Lee, 1996) Tom Bombadil's way, is both older

and more durable than the trials and tribulations of men like

Aragorn, and somehow stands out as the shining light of Tolkien's

Christianity, in stark contrast with the perception of narcissism,

that caused German philosophy to seek out pre-Christian story

telling modes, for use in the analysis of Art. (Hargreaves, 2015)

I found also, that as soon as I commenced collecting and collating

all the online and journal reference materials for this essay, and

then thought “now is time I make the Art work”, that I could not

help but begin cleaning my home. Normally, as soon as I commence

an essay, I do only minimal housework until it is finished.

However, in this example, the opposite is true, and the housework

feels like respite, and a brilliant diversionary tactic. My usual

procrastination tool when studying, is my garden, and I only do

much housework, when the garden is begging my urgent attention.

When housework begs, I study, and when study begs, I garden. Yet

now the pattern is changed! Perhaps by the inclusion of Art! It 12

is neither any longer, a pattern of managed procrastination, but

now a series of Brilliant Diversionary Tactics, and thinking this

through, I slot the internet in as well. Studying demands

housework, housework demands gardening, gardening demands online

research (or watching movies), online research demands study, (eg

If not Art Therapy, then MOOCs, and I am thankful nobody yet

managed causing me develop a MMORPG habit, as it maybe a Brilliant

Diversionary Tactic of retirement from Art Therapy). This new way

of regarding myself, is a response to the period of journal

keeping before the Art work of this assignment, but in full accord

with the same meditation, as prepared me for the Art, according to

the assignment instructions.

With this Artwork, I began using graph paper, to replicate the

exact pattern I had in mind. The shape is copied from a

micrograph image of a fungus spore. I chose watercolour pencils,

which is a medium I am not as familiar with as I would like to be.

It is a medium I often want to use, but tend to silence that

desire often. I am noticing my choice to use watercolour pencils,

is aligned with Dionysian choices, as though I feel unusually

permitted. This reminded me of my first boyfriend, and how he and

I had bought a full set of watercolour pencils once, but he 13

claimed ownership after we parted. The research I did around

mediums in Art Therapy, happened after my first draft of this

essay, which I made, before during and immediately after, I made

the Art work as instructed. After undertaking research, I

realised that watercolour pencils, fulfil the aim, of contrasting

the Apollonian with the Dionysian inner tendencies in ourselves.

Wadeson writes:

“An important media characteristic is control. Some materials are easy to

control, especially those that are more precise, such as pencils. In contrast,

water paints offer fluidity but are difficult to control. Their sometimes

accidental wanderings across the paper may offer welcome surprises for an

adventurous patient, or frustration for the patient who wants to maintain

control of his art expression.” (Wadeson, 1987, p. 36.)

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Before I began to add water to my drawing, I glue the graph paper,

with its fungus spore image, onto a large piece of white

cardboard. I fill the background while waiting for the glue to

dry. I encircle the spore drawing in green, hoping to cause the

background green in the spore drawing on graph paper, will blend

well enough within a circle of green. The specific fungus I have

drawn an image of the shapes of the filaments protruding from the

spores of, is a mold the grows on opium poppies, and can reduce

the crop size substantially. It was this factor, of opium crop

size reduction, that had me intrigued about the shape of the

spore, and wanting to copy. However in the background, I found

myself thinking of opium poppies, and specifically the shapes of

the seed pods came to mind and I drew in two. Then I added flower

heads further back in the background. It could have been a whole

field of opium, but instead I found myself seeking to balance the

image, by replicating the seed pod shape, with the circle around

the spore image, having flower heads protruding above it. Thus

there is one flowering fungus spore, and two green seed pods. I

gave the background behind the seed pods, red blending upwards

through orange into yellow. I had an inclination towards

representing an entire field of opium, but did not draw more in.

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I added the water, small part at a time, waiting for each part to

dry, before continuing. Only a very little more pencil got added

after the water. The blue centre of the spore, got added later,

in soft pastel. I used too much, the added glue to stick down all

the dust, then smudged the glue. So I extended the smudge, and

gave some blue to the sky, over the yellow. Interestingly, I find

myself wanting to use up the pieces of coloured lead of the

watercolour pencils, that broke of while drawing. I soak each in

water awhile, until it is soft, then use with my fingers, making a

mess. I wish not to waste the colour. Last I added more, larger

fungus spore filaments, or tendrils; this time without relying on

the graph paper. The original tendrils, are less visible, and

surrounded by white pencil, which is as it should be, because

these are not actually ever visible by the naked eye, and need

subtlety. I feel like I have succeeded in this aspect.

The first thing I notice after finishing the Art, is that the seed

pod at the right, although slightly larger and lower at the top,

is smaller at the bottom, than the one at the left. This implies

it is closer to the viewer, than the seed pod at the left, but is

somewhat smaller. I set the Art aside to look at in the morning,

contemplating my discrepancy of perspective.16

I rotate the art clockwise, and I am looking at three green blobs,

with vivid oranges and pink in the background. At the right

edge, are blue vertical lines upon yellow. There are green

squiggles by the pink. The contrast between green and orange is

very vivid, and my eye keeps being attracted to the edges between

orange and green. The middle green blob has well defined blue

markings in the center, but a darker blue squiggle catches the eye

first. I think the darker blue smudge turned into a squiggle,

provides necessary balance. I notice how the green blob supposed

to represent a fungus spore, is very messy at the edges. This

provokes me to give more thought towards the messiness in around

my life in general, and consider whether or not I know already why

my processes tend appear messy. I had worried that the green

rectangle of graph paper stood out too bad, but this way up I am

not worried. I turn the art clockwise again.

I like the fungus spore more this way up. It is a fungus spore

again now, rather than a green blob. It is as though an

Apollonian structure is more overt in the whole picture. And this

does not surprise me because opium is Dionysian as a rule, and

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those who fall victim to its habit, feel a need to struggle to

retain Apollonian elements in their lives, usually failing, and

often relate to everybody else in an upside down pattern. The

blue edge is now at the bottom, and looks like water rather than

sky. The red, rather than the orange, is more distinctive in

contrast with the green. I wonder if this is only because it is

now higher up in the image. The green background of the fungus

spore, is more distinct from the seed pods, in its tonal quality.

The geometric shapes within the fungus spore, taken from a real

micrograph image, are reminding me of lessons in organic chemistry

from my father.

I turn the Art again, and now the blue edge of sky, is at the

left. The orange and pink are now dominant, and all the green

feels like background. I am noticing that my eye is always being

drawn to the top left of the entire image, at first glance. I

wonder whether this is only because English is written in lines

from left to write, and each line, top to bottom. The composition

feels very lopsided this way up, and the small pinkish red

triangles, now at the right edge, are an irritating reminder of

the perspective being imperfect. The pinkish red colour, I

previously described as red, now looks like a reddish pink, and is18

dominating the whole image. I see that everywhere the colour

appears, is in a triangle. I start wanting the seed pod green

blobs, to have more grey, and consider applying a grey wash over

each. But I want more, that this art work for the essay is

already finished, and I choose not to add more. I turn the Art

one more time, so it is the original way up again now. I like it

well enough, despite the imperfect perspective.

I consider the perspective discrepancy somewhat further. I am

conscious in this consideration, of all my mental associations

with opium. In particular, I had in mind a specific person with

his specifically hard to break habit. That a bad pattern of habit

existed, worse than much of what is known of drug habits, and

dominated the illicit trade in opium, was what I had in mind when

I first thought of drawing an opium pod shape. Now considering

the perspective matter, it comes to mind, that now is in time,

long enough away from my encountering that worse than usual habit

pattern among men I am acquainted with, such that their

predicament feels more settled in my mind, as being fully

permanently beyond my control. I contemplate that drawing the

first opium pod, that now distant predicament of a few men I know,

only briefly was considered, and had been forgotten already by the19

time I drew the second pod. I wonder how my current distance from

such individuals, relates to the perspective discrepancy. The

second pod is closer, larger at the top, and smaller at the base.

I wonder if anybody else was pre-occupying my unconscious mind,

whose opium habit is closer to me now, may have had a larger

social impact in general (larger at the top), and is of shorter

duration, (smaller at the base). However, I do not wonder too

long or too hard, as I know it unwise to presume opium's habit of

anybody. Instead of wondering, I expect that the odd perspective

and different proportions, reflect a differently patterned opium

habit from that I had in mind drawing the first pod, but that I

have no need to know who could have such a habit. Between this

contemplation, and a first draft of this essay, before typing my

first draft, I did happen by chance to encounter such a person.

It feels as though, all that is left for me to think, about my

Art, is that there are unintended water marks. These cause me to

believe, that perhaps I will rework this Art in a few months, or

in a year, after letting it rest in my unconscious process awhile.

I felt oddly disinclined to say anything about the similarities,

or dissimilarities, between my fungus spore, and the original

micrograph image. I observe my image is distinctly different in 20

qualities of tone and proportions, yet an exact replica of the

geometric patterns within the protrusions from the spore. I am

uncertain of what these are called. Is it protrusions, or

filaments, or tendrils, I have no idea. Whatever they are, they

intrigued me, growing out invisibly from a small black dot seen

through a microscope. The differences between how I have drawn

these, and what is in the original image, are by conscious choice.

I regard this choice to be Dionysian. Then I reflect upon the

Apollonian quality of control being demonstrated in the image.

Observing myself to be very quick in transitions between

Apollonian and Dionysian modes, here I feel like leaving this

process alone awhile, before applying further analysis of

Apollonian versus Dionysian content. But instead, I bite the

bullet, by navigating an unusual course, of skirting around the

edges of the fact that, Nietzsche and Wagner, his friend, were

aligned with Schopenhauer's point of view against Christianity, as

the accepted dominant socially structured thinking pattern of

their day, about right versus wrong. Nietzsche refers directly to

Schopenhauer who was who developed the theory of his German

philosophy having been deeply entrenched in Greek philosophy, and

that concept influenced both Wagner and Nietzsche in developing

the Apollonian versus Dionysian theory concept. (Dutton, 2015)

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In general, in all my considerations, of Apolonian versus

Dionysian theory, I tend towards thinking thoughts like “this is

absurd, I can't apply Apollo's way, everything relevant is with

Dionysos here”. But as soon as such thoughts come to mind, my

behaviour accords more with an Apollonian pattern, and I research

this more. I find that concepts of ego-death, are associated with

Dionysos:

The disasters have taught me that the killing follows a pattern of the Dionysian

myths, where the maenads tore him to pieces, but also put him back together

again, lovingly. … Perhaps this theme of killing the father is one of the

emotional and political metaphors created by this era. … Nietzsche affirms the

necessity of killing culture in order to prepare the way for new transformations.

The word “killing” in this respect, suggests conscious and deliberate action.

(McNiff, 1988)

Every time I begin contemplating communicating my comprehension of

the tension inherent between Apollonian the Dionysian thinking, I

tend towards wanting to tell stories, rather than provide abstract

analysis. Thus my analysis, is of the patterns within these

stories that keep coming to mind. I found myself constantly

thinking about the following story, I once read in a book of short

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stories about Angels. I no longer have access to the book, but

the story is one I have held in mind a long time, and often

related to other stories through.

Two Angels are arguing. One is the guardian Angel of a good man,

and the other is the guardian Angel of a bad man. They argue over

whose work is harder. Eventually they come to the agreement, that

they will need trade places so as to be certain of one another.

In my mind, the Angel who is guardian of good, is both Zeus and

Apollo; and the Angel who is guardian of bad, is both Dionysos and

Proteus. And they sure have traded places. Although perhaps Zeus

and Dionysos traded places, and Apollo and Proteus traded places,

such that we don't actually notice the switch when we are

contrasting Apollonian thinking with Dionysian thinking.

But thus, the good men in my world, are more receptive and less

dominant, showing less overt leadership perhaps than we all need

of them. Whilst the bad men are getting out of hand entirely.

The seed pod at the left is representative of Apollo trying to

cope with substance abuse, by poisoning the crops via fungal

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blooms. The seed pod at the right, is a similarly diffident

Angel, manifestly the same in difference, who was also failing in

guarding both the good and the bad.

Another story coming to mind, in conjunction with the Angels

trading places, being these figures of Greek mythology, is The

Lord of the Rings. In my mind, all the best work of even Elves

and Wizards, as well as Men, is amounting to no better, (albeit no

worse), than Aragorn as an Apollo of the New Age. Whereas

Dionysos is Tom Bombadil, an eternal and ageless representation,

of life, and of lives lived in the hope of ages. In many ways,

Tom Bombadil represents in me, the already resurrected fact.

(Tolkien & Lee, 1996) Both characters represent hope springing

eternal, yet what is clear, is that Dionysos now shines, while

Apollo struggles harder.

Opium, conversely, as a symbol of all that is too deadly in the

world, and of despair and disease, is itself diseased; or at least

that possibility presents itself in my overt content. Apollo-

Aragorn is who was more susceptible to opium, while Dionysos-Tom

remains unimpinged upon. Thus the guardian Angel of the bad man,

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won the day, and the dispute between Angels resolves itself in

their now both knowing the truth of one another's real work. Yet

as is always the way, in every good story, the cycle turns, and

what becomes apparent is that Dionysos victory, alongside Proteus,

over all that was dark, is that Apollo and Zeus needed, so as to

assert their own rule once again. And now, as my mind finds

clarity about Zeus and Dionysos having found their solution, it

wanders off again, this time contemplating Apollo and Proteus as

Krishna and Arjuna debating love amid war, within the Baghavad

Gita. A debate very relevant in time, as it will be how many

older stories find they have a real interface with Christian.

That is, as well as through authors like Tolkien, having a Wizard

who returned from the dead, and characters like Tom Bombadil and

Goldberry, who never die. (Tolkien & Lee, 1996) I contemplate the

fact, that in addiction recovery, the need for such interfaces is

constantly apparent. That is, within the narcissism of addiction,

Christianity no longer manifests the narcissism that Nietzsche

objected to within his own understanding of the impact of

Christianity, causing him to have taken recourse in Greek mythos.

By now, I am thinking of a Bible story, of King Samuel, giving

food from his own table, to Saul, as means of enabling Saul to 25

enter a higher status, before anointing him as successor to the

throne above Samuel's own sons. Also of Elijah giving his garment

to Elisha. There is a passing on of a quality, which is

simultaneously, beleaguered and sanctified. My mind drifts

readily from one story to another. But by including these two

stories, I am understanding myself as on the look out, for gifts

of food and clothing, that are appropriate for myself to be

providing, within the choices I made a few weeks earlier, and

applied a theoretic analysis towards, derived from Apollo and

Dionysos in Greek mythology. I am thinking of an example in my

list, of choices, of a person I suspected myself of having thought

ill of for too long. I think of a food and garment source, and

means of supplying, as what I already sent by post, and I know it

is not for me to know, as to whether he is able accept the gift

within the good faith it is sent. But already, this is neither

especially important in my daily life.

It is easy to observe in myself, that I sustain many more links

between various stories, than many folk are able keep up with. At

least not without feeling like it might be psychotic to try

keeping up with such links. Yet in myself, the stories helped

keep psychosis at bay during experiencing PTSD symptoms, from 199926

until 2009, and are now a strong habit of mind as that I hardly

need try. It occurs in mind, that so long as such comparisons and

contrasts work, then so long as each story's original source is

attributed accurately, no harm can be done. I am reminded of the

tale of 1001 Arabian Nights, and how each story derives from

another, and then returns into its origin. I think that Apollo's

advice will be that I need stick to my own story, and the topic of

the essay, far better. But I am feeling fond of Dionysos still.

Apollo is, by now, especially admonishing of my failure to provide

a Christian retort to the Germans who defined their own

relationship with Christianity as too Narcisstic, and in need of

more Greek mythology. But Dionysos agrees with me, that maybe

Nietzsche, Wagner, and Schopenhauer are right about themselves,

and Christianity need a greater interface with older mythology, so

as to keep philosophy its own. And in the meantime, the

spontaneous presence in mind, of reminder of 1001 Arabian Nights,

is, because of its significance in relationship with opium

detoxification, (as most versions in Arabic had the King who

Scherezade married, having had a terrible opium habit implied

behind his murdering of all his other wives), (my apology that

this is anecdotal knowledge I have no academic reference for in

English), bringing my story telling full circle.

27

In general, I have observed that story telling plays an important

role in how I view my own Art process. The Greek mythology, and

my own interpretation of the Apollonian and Dionysian tension that

was highlighted in philosophy by Nietzsche, is shown to be a

strong stepping stone between the real world, and my vaguely

artistic representation of the real world. In this example, the

“real world” is a series of choices I made. The weakness of the

essay, is in that the choices it is relating to will most often

have involved, and impacted upon, persons other than myself, whose

consent could not be sought, for inclusion of their process in the

examination of Dionysian versus Apollonian tension. Even ordinary

choices, such as whether to follow a published recipe or invent an

original recipe, have this quality, of involving others and their

own individual state of mind. Yet the Art process is only about

me, and my own interpretations. Overall I have gained an interest

in the use of visual Arts therapy in enabling group cohesion, via

the pairing of Art Therapy with my understanding of the Narrative

Therapy process. This could proceed by fuller examination of how

groups interact with metaphors, and by understanding the role of

mythology in providing metaphors.

28

29

Appendices

Appendix A

List of decisions/choices, beginning May 5th 2015, with an attempt

at analysis of Apollonian versus Dionysian aspects of each:

Decisions Included in Analysis Whether decisions are Apollonian or Dionysian

I stopped using facebook. Apollo did not know he coulddo that.

I web surfed youtube more than usual, and picked up a few older threads of social media use as well.

Dionysos dominates Apollo.

I attended two events, both fundraising events, both during the same weekend, and both with a woman who told me I could join the Songlines choir earlier this year. The woman I attended with, had been becoming an increasingly difficult person to sustain a friendship with.I have not known her for very long, but she had been wanted to assert a closer bond that is real from the outset of our being acquainted. During that one weekend, I became quite hardened towards her. The second event was at Byron Bay, and we spent a lot of time in her car together travelling there and back. During the journey back, whilst I was struggling to stay awake, she told me a version of events in her life, that was entirely counter to the version she had already told me,

Apollo and Dionysos were in headlong dispute about how to relate with such a person. Dionysos was winning, although his methodwas never to negate nor diminish the other person involved, whereas Apollo wanted me to deny her.

30

but I choose not to point out her flaw in the matter.I observed a series of links betweenthe present time, the recent past, and my youth, and let these links guide my internet use and general travels in the day through Brisbane.

Dionysos and Apollo are agreeing that the past is the past, yet need engage within its own consequences,without dispute.

I approached continuing use of facebook, but rapidly backed off, approving of myself having ceased use of facebook.

Apollo is dominating Dionysos, and Dionysos is happily letting him.

I began using other social media accounts more.

Dionysos is dominating Apollo.

I sought simultaneously more anonymity and less anonymity, defined by context.

Dionysos wants to be known as being stronger than Apollo, while Apollo objected and was ignored.

I attempted to contact somebody who I had ill thought of for many years,and seldom consciously thought of, but who I had admired in my youth. Idid so without expectation of open response, but based in my experienceof a Dream waking me up suddenly, within an astute certainty that I had been wrong about him. My efforts were both online, and via post. I felt distressed by my own ignorant attitude towards the person, and wanted to make amends, but I simultaneously felt as though it could prove too easy to make too much effort on his behalf, and that I myself needed my general admiration of him to be more recognised.

Dionysos is winning hands down.Apollo warns not to go too far.Dionysos doesn't care what Apollo reckoned.Dionysos thinks he will go as far a seeking Proteus help to gang up against Apollo if Apollo was to attempt interfere again in this story.

I had a very heavy and early menstrual period, following on from an unexpected miscarriage during April, and I had an appointment at family planning, for getting

Dionysos wanted me to finishwhat I had started in a video editing activity, which caused me to be running late for the

31

ultrasound results, but I missed theappointment.

appointment, when I clearly could have got there in time.

I attend the same Church as the person I attempted contacting now attends, (but in a different City).

Apollo gains back lost ground, not because of the faith and ritual involved, but rather, I find this Church is more low key on ritual, and more rule oriented, than the Anglican Church I am most accustomed to attending.

I listened to more of the music I associate with the person I attempted to contact.

Apollo lets Dionysos have the day.

I worked out, that by feeling remorse about the person I attemptedto contact, I was not serving the resolution of the situation, becauseanother man I more recently have met, was stimulating my remorse because he wanted me to feel bad, only so as he could feel more positive by contrast to myself, yet when he was who had caused me to think ill of the person I attempted contact.

Apollo understands why it issafe to let Dionysos win thestory.

Then, after all of the above, I had a dream, that the partner of a closehigh school friend, (who I saw very recent for the first time in over ten years), requested of me that I have sex with him, and I did not sayno, and then afterwards, (still in the dream of course), he asks me if I want him to “lock it in” meaning, let him cause the dream to become real, including that he may leave myfriend, and become my own partner. Now, although the dream had clear signs in it, which I have been taught to recognise by traditional

Apollo and Dionysos are confused about who is reigning.

32

indigenous culture, that it could indeed have become real, I politely declined his offer in the dream, anddid not behave in any way, that could enable the dream to become real, or sustain itself within me.I listen to Joni Mitchell for the first time since youth, (when my first boyfriend's housemate used to play a few of her albums frequently).

Apollo and Dionysos agree that this is a necessary outcome.

I continued finding out whatever I could about the person I had attempted to contact, who I had feltunnecessary remorse towards in my having been ill minded about him. Through this whole time period, a few times I thought, “enough now already”, but to no avail, and I continue in admiration.

Dionysos is behind this.

I considered writing a reparative tale about the person I had attempted contacting, telling his story in a far better way, that I had myself been receiving evidence of his life; however, every time I began to act in that direction, it felt like the result could enable nopositive consequences, for either himself or myself, by cause of a myriad of other negative influences in my own life, that seemed to have conspired against myself appearing of any worth towards the person I had attempted contacting.

Apollo asserts himself, onlyto find he was undermining his own cause, and needs to ask Dionysos to take commandin the sky awhile.

I chose to trust the positive influences in the life of the personI had attempted contacting, and I attended his Church more.

Dionysos wants Apollo to Shine more strongly.

My choir sang four brief performances in five weeks, and

Dionysos encouraged me when Apollo was feeling demented

33

although I did not need attend everyone of the performances, I did attend, even missing a day of Art Therapy intensive to sing. The person who first invited me to choir, and who I had begun to find more and more difficult, became morewary of me all of a sudden at the last of those performances, and after standing right beside me when we sang. Her expectations of herself being able to dominate me, failed, and I had little consciousness of the matter, but only confidence that I was choosing the correct path, by refusing to give her what she wanted, which was reason to dislike me if I had shown signs of distrusting her. Instead Icontinue even now, to trust what I know is good in her.

and weak.

I arrive at an appointment on time. Family planning tell me I am peri-menopausal, and I think to myself, Ialready knew. I am, however, glad to hear I did not contract any STI during the brief liason during whichI conceived, but then miscarried theresult of.

Apollo is confounded with mebecause he imaged I was badder than I am. Dionysos is quite happy now.

I had a different Dream, that the subjects which had been pre-occupying me myself, for most of Mayand early June, changed of their ownaccord, such that much of what had concerned and pre-cautioned me, about others, is no longer the reality now. I believe this is a favourable outcome, and follow this pattern in my dreams.

Dionysos and Apollo both agree, that neither of them could have alone caused sucha dream, and let the story be as another tale of the mystery of love.

Enjoying my absence from facebook, and gradually dwindling use of othersocial media accounts as well, I

Apollo is really very very appreciative of the expertise with which

34

make the choice to go on a social media fast during Ramadan, beginningat the same time as I am drafting the essay.

Dionysos handles me, becausehe knows he could not do it alone.

I struggled more than usual with theconceptual possibilities of how to plan and structure the essay, and wind up just writing without a structure.

Dionysos asserts himself, that his skill is in ensuring that all knowledge will be based within experiential learning.

Eventually, I receive unexpectedly, a series of Dreams in which I perceive that, by cause of the actions of many people, there is a positive consequence in future, which these dreams I have been having, during the period of time, from 5th May, until 16th June, are allintertwined with. In consequence I am certain I shall be becoming Baptised in the Church of a man I ought consider as no more than a distant friend in Spirit. Thus my choices so far in these matters, although seeming at times somewhat inconsequential, are proving to be of considerable real world consequence.

Dionysos is winning in his approval of the Dreaming pattern, becoming what will enable, that in future, the entire pattern is able to become much more Apollonian.

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