Post on 26-Feb-2023
CREATED BY Nick Kroll | Andrew Goldberg | Mark Levin | Jennifer Flackett
EPISODE 1.05
“Girls Are Horny Too” A steamy novel making the rounds at school inspires Jessi to explore her own sexuality -- and leaves the boys totally confused about what girls want.
WRITTEN BY: Victor Quinaz | Emily Altman
DIRECTED BY: Bryan Francis
ORIGINAL BROADCAST: September 20, 2017
NOTE: This is a transcription of the spoken dialogue and audio, with time-code reference, provided without cost by 8FLiX.com for your entertainment, convenience, and study. This version may not be exactly as written in the original script; however, the
intellectual property is still reserved by the original source and may be subject to copyright.
MAIN EPISODE CAST Nick Kroll ... Nick Birch / Maury the Hormone Monster
/ Coach Steve Steve / Lola / Rick the Hormone Monster (voice)
John Mulaney ... Andrew Glouberman / Mint (voice) Jessi Klein ... Jessi Glaser (voice) Jason Mantzoukas ... Jay Bilzerian (voice) Jenny Slate ... Missy Foreman-Greenwald (voice) Fred Armisen ... Elliot Birch (voice) Maya Rudolph ... Diane Birch / Bath Mat (voice) Jordan Peele ... Ghost of Duke Ellington / Cyrus Foreman
/ Atlanta Claus / Magician #2 (voice) Andrew Rannells ... Matthew (voice) Joe Wengert ... Caleb / Go-Gurt Thief / Teacher (voice) Chelsea Peretti ... Monica Foreman-Greenwald (voice) Jon Daly ... Garrison Keillor / Magician #1 (voice) Rosa Salazar ... Ms. Benitez (voice)
1 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:10,093
[Barbara] I'm worried about Alex Trebek. He looks too skinny.
2
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:12,512 [Marty] Barbara, shush!
You made me miss the question. 3
00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:15,098 [Barbara] Jeopardy! doesn't give
questions, Marty, they give answers. 4
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,809 [Marty] All right, who is "you know
what the hell I meant"? 5
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,730 [soft music plays]
6
00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:26,693 -Thank you, sir.
-You are welcome, sir. 7
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,322 Oh, a virgin sock? Ooh-la-la.
8
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:34,284 Yes, the elastic on it stretched, so...
9
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,037 -It's not a foot sock anymore.
-Indeed. 10
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:40,040 -I have the scriptures, Rabbi Glouberman.
-Thank you. 11
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,339 Printing out a picture
of your dad's associate Susan 12
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,049
was a stroke of genius. 13
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:54,054 -Who knew a kid could just join LinkedIn?
-Not I. Now pull your pud. 14
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,639 First I must shield the eyes
of the innocent. 15
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,391 You're a decent man.
16
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:01,144 Yeah, get that special sauce.
17
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:04,439 [inhales deeply] It begins.
18
00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:08,943 [Monster] There we go.
Visualize, focus. 19
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,905 -[gasps]
-[Monster] Interesting. Yes! 20
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,741 -Yes... -[groans]
21
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:17,202 Well, how about that?
Plump tomato did it this time. 22
00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:18,912 -Yes.
-You ever actually fuck a tomato? 23
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:22,040 -It's like fucking a sneeze. -You find a sneeze sexual?
24 00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:25,001 -Ooh, I find everything sexual.
-What about a chair? 25
00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:26,628 -Sit on it, brother.
-An airplane? 26
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,254 Big dick flying through the sky.
27
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,423 What about a button-down shirt?
28
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,383 You mean a gaping butthole and ten clits?
29
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,301 What?
30
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,506 Ugh. This thing's like an Ace bandage.
31
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,424 It looks like I sprained my tits.
32
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:16,719 Guinea piglet, what are you doing
with that bra? 33
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,722 -It's the only one I have.
-Get rid! 34
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,142 Do you ever have anything positive to say?
35
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,602 -Ex-squash me?
-It's just you're such a bummer. 36
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:27,814 All you do is make me sore
and hairy and bloated 37
00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:30,108 and, like, want to cry all the time.
38
00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:32,861 -Well, fuck you! -Fuck you too!
39
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,572 Honey, let's not do this to each other, all right?
40
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:39,492 We can have fun.
I can make you feel good. 41
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,327 When have you ever made me feel good?
42
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,955 Don't you remember the Jacuzzi jets?
43
00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,583 -You were there?
-I've always been there. 44
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:49,752 Like when your mother
showed you Dirty Dancin'. 45
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,755 Oh, his hips,
they could do some things. 46
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,550 Dirty things, and you liked it.
47
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:59,137 Yeah. It was like a feeling in my stomach, but deep down.
48
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,471 That's just the beginning.
49
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:03,349 There's a whole world of feelings
down there. 50
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:07,020 Now, come here, baby. Let's do the lift.
51
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,897 -Really? -Really.
52
00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:13,276 We are gonna have the time of our lives.
53
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:18,531 How is writing a book report a skill I'm ever gonna use in real life?
54
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,074 When I'm an NBA point guard,
55
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,368 it's not like I'll write a report
about how well I dunked. 56
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,704 I'm doing mine on the current issue
of Abraca-Daily. 57
00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:28,124 But Ms. Razz said that it had to be on a work of historical fiction.
58
00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:31,377 Ms. Razz can suck my historical dick-tion.
[laughs] 59
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,963 Nailed it. I already read this. Why would I read something else?
60
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,634 I don't mind reading so much.
My book's pretty cool. Ask me about it. 61
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:41,387 "What's it about, Andrew?" It's about
an astronomer in the Middle Ages 62
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,057 who discovers another planet,
and the church is mad. 63
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:46,559 -So he has to go to the Vatican--
-Ooh, the Vatican? 64
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:50,772 -Does he kill hookers?
-No, but he does perjure himself. 65
00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,273 [gasps]
66
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,943 Oh, boy-oy-oy-oy...
67
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:59,239 -Uh, you okay over there, Missy?
-This book is... [stammers] 68
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,699 Really good!
It's called The Rock of Gibraltar. 69
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,035 It won the Gerson Prize for historical fiction.
70
00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:06,704
You should read it, for Gustavo alone. 71
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,622 [guitar strums]
72
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:09,040 What's the book about?
73
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:11,376 Ooh! Well...
74
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,629 the book takes place
during the Moorish rule in Spain, 75
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:17,465 so there's this knight, Gustavo of Sevilla,
76
00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:19,801 who falls in love
with a Moorish princess, Fatima-- 77
00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:22,887 -Well, it sounds--
-Gustavo's Catholic and she's Islamic, 78
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,722 and their love is forbidden.
[groans] 79
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:28,226 But then Gustavo needs to see her because he loves her so much.
80
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:31,020 -Yeah, no, I'm gonna get--
-He contacts the gypsy sorceror El Colon, 81
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,731 who gives Gustavo the ability
to turn into a horse...
82 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,566
-I got it. -...just so he can visit Fatima,
83
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,485 she meets him in the stables
and she rides him 84
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,946 and he loves her so much
but they can never truly be together 85
00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:41,781 -because of their time-- -You really read the book.
86
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:45,285 When Gustavo and Fatima are together I feel like I'm sitting on a fountain
87
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,829 -and there's fireworks in my stomach--
-Okay, okay! 88
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,457 -Read that book.
-Yeah, I think I should. 89
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,545 We're lucky men, Marty.
90
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:58,089 To our magnificent boys Nicky and Andrew,
91
00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,258 what great friends
they found in each other. 92
00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:06,180 And to our wives, our beautiful,
surprising, sensual wives. 93
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:07,640 [chuckles] Cheers!
94
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:10,435 [both groaning]
95
00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:13,604 How many times is he gonna walk by
and not bring me more bread? 96
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,065 -We still have some.
-What are you, on his side? 97
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,402 -Marty, I'm not on the waiter's side.
-He's not a waiter! 98
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,113 He's a busboy.
What are you promoting him for? 99
00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:24,324 Oh, this looks good.
100
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:29,871 I think Elliot's waiting because
his wife's food hasn't arrived yet.
101 00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:31,581 Elliot could do what he wants.
102
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,499 But I'm not letting my scallops
get ice-cold.
103 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:34,500
Oh, well, God forbid.
104 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,794 Cold scallops is how I got
food poisoning in West Palm, remember?
105 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:39,464
-I remember. -Then in Atlantic City, twice in Cape Cod
106
00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:42,425 -and then again in Atlantic City-- -I remember. You shit the bed.
107
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:43,801 I'm referring to that!
108
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,678 Maybe you should stop eating scallops, Marty.
109
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,806 And let the scallops win? Ha! They'd love that.
110
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,976 So, I know you weren't interested
in book club,
111 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:54,562
but we read the most amazing book this month.
112
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:57,023 It won the Gerson Prize for historical fiction.
113
00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:59,067 Oh, I'm not a history buff.
114
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,402 No, listen, you will like this.
115
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:05,948 It's a love story
between Fatima and Gustavo.
116 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,575
[guitar strums]
117 00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:10,912
Trust me, it's very... compelling.
118 00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,747
You're winking. It is it not compelling?
119 00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:15,583 It's a sexy book, Barbara. Just take the sexy book.
120
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:17,418 -You'll like it.
-All right.
121 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:18,753
"The Rock of Gibraltar"?
122 00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:21,339
Did Diane tell you we read it together?
123 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:24,967 We like to incorporate reading
into our intimate time.
124 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:28,930
Once all we had handy was a copy of If I Did It by OJ Simpson.
125
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,474 -Oh, God.
-And we definitely did it that night.
126 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,851
Made love, not murdered our estranged spouse.
127
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:37,146 -And let's not forget Ron Goldman. -Ron Goldman. Speaking of waiters,
128
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,856 where the hell is that guy?
129
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,025 Oh, these scallops.
Where's the men's room?
130 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,777
-And we need more bread! -Ugh.
131
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,112 [bell ringing]
132
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:46,030 [Jessi] Fatima knew
if her father caught her
133 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,740
running down to the stables at this hour
134 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:51,035
he would forbid her from studying at la universidad.
135
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:54,038 But was it her fault
that she craved a ride?
136 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:56,332
Fatima, come to me.
137 00:06:56,415 --> 00:07:01,462 I am hungry for your touch and for warm spiced oats.
138
00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,589 Wait, did you guys read through lunch?
139
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,842 Wow. Uh, yes, we did.
140
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,718 You must really like that book.
141
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:10,596 Right now Fatima is trying to track Gustavo's movements
142
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,933 by following the stars, so she creates
a rudimentary astronomy lab.
143 00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,394 Oh, my God, have you read
Doubting Andreas?
144 00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,521 He too creates a rudimentary
astronomy lab.
145 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:23,025
Have you ever looked up at the stars and thought, "The world is so big"?
146
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,695 -"And I'm so small"? -And yet so loud.
147
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,322 This is the library.
Please go away, I am reading.
148 00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,574
Jesus. Okay.
149 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,993
[Jay] Let's go see if that science teacher is still crying.
150
00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:34,704 [Jessi] Fatima looked down
at her intricately laced bodice,
151 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,915
her sensual, ripe breasts bursting from--
152
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,417 [sighs]
153
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:43,713 See what I mean?
That brassiere is U-G-L-Y.
154 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:48,009 -It ain't got no alibi. It's--
-Dog shit, I know.
155 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,429 Really? The Rock of Gibraltar.
156
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,639 Why is every girl I know
obsessed with this?
157 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:56,517
Well, there is this incredible romance
158 00:07:56,601 --> 00:08:00,062 between Fatima and... Gustavo.
159
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,523 So, what, do they kiss privates
or what's the deal?
160 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,317
-Kiss privates? -You know what I mean.
161
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,361 Do they have sex?
No, Nicky, they can't. That's the point.
162 00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,156
-That's where the tension comes from. -Of course, the tension.
163 00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,158 You have no idea why girls read this book, do you?
164
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:14,577 -Yeah, I do.
-Because it turns them on.
165 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:19,499 -[stammers] What was that now? -Newsflash: girls get horny too.
166
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,461 -Don't tell me you didn't know that.
-Of course I did.
167 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:26,297
Girls are just as horny as boys. We just don't talk about it constantly.
168
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:27,798 Hmm.
169 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:31,344 Hey, Lia, I just remembered
I have a book report to write. Um...
170 00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:33,721
-Can I borrow Rock of Gibraltar? -Fine.
171
00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,681 I don't know what you're up to,
you little perv,
172 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,266
but I like the journey you're on.
173 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,813
I still don't see what the rush is, honey.
174 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,732
You've already got a perfectly nice bra.
175 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,276
You tell Shannon you do not want nice.
176 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:51,113
You want two scoops of Haagen-Dazs French vanilla boobies.
177
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:55,159 Mom, I want something... voluptuous.
178
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:59,705 A woman's bosom should resemble
the wild, sweet oranges of Valencia
179 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,249 which yearn to be plucked.
180
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:05,253 Oh, honey, buying a fancy bra
won't make you look like these models.
181 00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,089
They all have their ribs removed and their buttholes bleached.
182
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:11,634 I get it. I just want a grownup bra, okay?
183
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:14,220 This one! This is the one.
184
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:17,265 Tell Shannon you'll kill yourself
if you don't get it.
185 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,933
How about this one?
186 00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:22,019
I don't know, Jessi.
Is this bra really... you?
187 00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:24,146
Yes! Of course it's you!
188 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,733
-It's always been you! -Shh, shh. I got this.
189
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:31,571 Was it not you, Mom,
who insisted from an early age
190 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:35,741
that I quote, "embrace my power," end quote, as a female?
191
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,661 Yes, but this red bra. [laughs]
192
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:41,581 I mean, this is a power
that you can't handle yet.
193 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:45,585
Are you trying to make me afraid of my own sexuality?
194
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:48,629 -[gasps] No, Jessi--
-Are you slut-shaming me?
195 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,965 I would never slut-shame you.
196
00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:53,342 Are you the patriarchy?
197
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,803 Oh, my God, of course not.
198
00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:57,054
Go in for the kill.
199 00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,599
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, quote,
200 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:02,393
"Do one thing every day that scares you," closed quote,
201
00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:04,729 and I think this red bra
scares both of us.
202 00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:06,105
[sighs]
203 00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:09,233
-[both shouting] -Oh, my God, we did it!
204
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,986 -We got a bra, oh, my God!
-[laughs]
205 00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:13,529 You think you're excited.
206
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:17,033 I just found out Dippin' Dots
isn't fluorescent guinea pig doodies.
207 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,285
-It's ice cream. -But you were eating it anyway?
208
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:22,955 Yeah. Couldn't figure out
why these doodies were so delicious, so.
209 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,957
What are you, bra shopping or what?
210
00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:29,128 Shark Tank is making me nuts.
211
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:31,922 I know that rotten kid stole my idea for the illuminated toilet seat.
212
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,507 -I'm reading.
-I never put it on paper,
213 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,927
I never said it out loud, but somehow he crawled into my brain
214
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:39,263 and he stole my intellectual property.
215
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:40,681 [groans]
216
00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:45,144 Fatima, I need you.
217
00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:48,648 My love, if my father sees you
he will have you killed.
218 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,817
After tonight, we need never fear again.
219 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,320 I have spoken to El Colon.
220
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:57,239 Tomorrow, I become horse.
221
00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:01,160 But the transformation, it will be painful, yes?
222
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:02,411
Hush now, my love.
223 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,164
We will face tomorrow when it comes.
224 00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:08,209
Tonight... we dance.
225 00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:12,338
I want to hold you close, Barbara.
226 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:15,174
-Oh, but we shouldn't. -But we must.
227
00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:21,305 Hey, did you put my toilet seat idea
on Facebook
228 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,265
or did you mention it to one of your friends?
229
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,267 Perhaps I should leave you two alone.
230
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,852 No. Gustavo, please.
231
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,729 Barbara, I must go,
232
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,315 because... I don't like him.
233
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,650 [horse neighs]
234
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:35,653 You know what I'm gonna do?
Get a lawyer and sue that kid.
235 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,780 -Do you mind? I'm reading.
-Fine!
236 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,782
I'm going to sleep. Oh.
237 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,033
Oh, God. [stomach rumbles]
238
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,452 I can't believe
I ate those scallops again.
239 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:47,331
-[farts] -[gasps] Oh, Marty!
240
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:50,376 Listen, while you're up, there's a thing
of Rolaids in my dress shoes.
241 00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,169
[bell ringing]
242 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,257
Okay, show-off. What are you, Mr. Library now?
243
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,969 President of Books, Comptroller of...
244
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:02,054 -Jay, you're out of steam.
-Shut up, I got this.
245 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:05,015
-Books. Fuck! -Guys, I think I'm onto something.
246
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,143
There's a reason all the girls are reading this book.
247
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,562 -Lia told me. It turns them on.
-[both] Huh?
248 00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,773 Get this: girls are horny too.
249
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,527 -Just as horny as guys, supposedly.
-[Andrew chuckles]
250 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,947 -No, no, that's impossible.
-What's impossible?
251 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,783
According to Nick, girls are horny too.
252 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,076
What the...?
253 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,245
There's no way girls are as horny as I am.
254
00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,122 That's true. Jay fucks his pillow.
255
00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:30,708 I also once fucked
this really sexy bag of potting soil.
256 00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:32,960 -See? They can't be like Jay.
-To completion.
257 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,212
-The boy is a deviant. -I'm not allowed back in that greenhouse.
258 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,465
All I know is Lia says girls get horny.
259 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:39,800
So you're telling me Devon gets horny?
260 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:40,968
-Yeah. -Yes!
261
00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:43,929 -What about Principal Baron? -Apparently, they all do.
262
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,307 -All of them! -But not...
263
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:48,225 -Missy?
-Andrew, she's reading that book
264 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:49,894
and evidently, that's one of their triggers.
265
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,313 My God, you're right. Missy gets horny.
266
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:54,148 I'm telling you, they all do.
267
00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:57,026 This book makes them horny? It's just porn, then, right?
268
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,528 They're walking around school
reading porn!
269 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,822
-Actually, no.
-Jesus, this is no fair!
270 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,741 Girls walking around school
reading porn,
271 00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:08,204
and I make one drawing of 23 teachers having consensual sex,
272
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,830 and I'm the creep.
273
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:13,542 Yeah, I wasn't included in the drawing,
but that's okay.
274 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,544
It was just the academic teachers
275 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,881
is how he did the cutoff there, so... [clears throat]
276
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:22,676 So, what, this is gonna be on The Office
or Modern Family or what?
277 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:27,014
Boy, these straight to camera testimonials are great for narrative structure.
278
00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:29,558 They're a crutch,
but they cut right to the chase.
279 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,268 They really help with story.
280
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:34,480 Not in this case.
This is a, you know, a departure,
281 00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,106
but they'll find their way back.
282 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:37,441
[indistinct chatter]
283 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,903
-[groans] -Look at me. Look at me.
284
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,489 -Okay.
-You are Fatima.
285 00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:45,991
-You are sexy. -Really? I don't know.
286
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,410 -You do know.
-What do I know?
287 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,204
How to dance!
288 00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,248
[plays upbeat music]
289 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:56,252 ♪ You throw open the door
To adventures like you've never known ♪
290 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:57,878 Holy shit, is that Jessi?
291
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:01,590 ♪ You'll feel your confidence, courage
And cup size magically grow ♪
292 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,300
[distorted] Whoa!
293 00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:08,097
♪ It will make mountains of your hills And grant you a life of endless thrills ♪
294
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,014 [distorted] Whoa!
295
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:12,893 ♪ And set passions aflame
Down the depths of your womanly soul ♪
296 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,103
Own it, bitch.
297 00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:16,397
-♪ Sexy red bra ♪ -Hi, Jessi.
298
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,191 -♪ Sexy red bra ♪ -Hi, red bra.
299
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,151 -Jesus, Andrew.
-♪ It'll transform you ♪
300 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:25,322
♪ Into an object of envy and awe ♪
301 00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,283
So trashy.
302 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,703 Please, Jessi, I have $28. I want to give it to you.
303
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,456 Well, bonjour to the lovely Ms. Glaser.
304
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,292 -♪ Sexy red bra ♪
-Who do you think you are,
305
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,878 one of the Kardashians?
[grumbles]
306 00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:42,089
♪ It will lift up your life, my dear ♪
307 00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:45,217 ♪ But beware of the fall ♪
308
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,594 Ow!
309 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,597
[sobbing]
310 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,056
[Monstress sobbing]
311 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,767
What the hell? Why are you crying?
312 00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,728
Because it's all so overwhelming.
313 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:57,980
My mom was right.
314 00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,650 -Don't you ever say that again. -What? She said I wasn't ready,
315
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,403 and I wasn't ready
for all those eyes on me.
316 00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:07,406 -But you liked some of them.
-I know!
317
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:12,244 But what about Mr. Lizer and Jay and... Lola.
318
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,831 -I want to throw this thing away. -Yes, drown the bra. Kill it!
319
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,959 Or maybe I could just put it in my backpack.
320
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,670 Yeah, keep it. I still love it, too.
321
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:26,759 So, we know girls read the book because it makes them horny.
322
00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:29,219 And we know Jessi is reading the book,
323
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:33,641 ergo Jessi is horny
and she's wearing a red bra,
324 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,435
which means she wants us to know she's horny.
325
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:39,772 -Or she just likes the bra.
-The bra isn't a bra.
326 00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:42,274
-It's a signal. -Okay, let's say it is a signal.
327
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,110 -What do we even do with that?
-I don't see what we can do with that.
328 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:50,199
We can relieve Jessi of her horniness by touching her boobs.
329
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,284 She'll be grateful.
I know if I was walking around
330 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,162
with a red bra on my dick, I'd want somebody to touch my dick, right?
331
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:57,498 You're a little fuckin' freak, I like hanging out with you.
332
00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:01,335 Mi amor, you look fantástica.
333
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:04,713 -Oh!
-Martín is a muy lucky man.
334 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,632
Muchas gracias.
335 00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,676
-And it's Marty. -Go to him.
336
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:12,054 Go to... Marty?
337
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,811 Good Christ,
are you eating scallops again?
338 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:21,313
They're leftovers! Why are you so dressed up?
339
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,440 I thought maybe we could...
340 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,566
-What? -You know...
341
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,527 Oh! Oh.
342
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:27,861 Oh, all right.
343
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,322 Let me go sit on the toilet
for a minute, clear the pipes.
344 00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:31,824
-You know, the scallops. -[groans]
345
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,617 -Forget it!
-What's the matter?
346 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:37,371 You know what the matter is?
You are not Gustavo.
347 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:40,040
The horse? You're mad 'cause I'm not a horse.
348
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:43,877 I'm not mad you're not a horse, I'm mad that you don't love me
349
00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:47,172 as much as you love the GD scallops.
350
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:50,551 What? That's crazy.
I love you both, in different ways.
351 00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,094
[stomach rumbles] Ooh, speaking of which...
352
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:54,013 Oh, Marty.
353
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:57,266 This scallop man, he does not know
how to treat a woman.
354 00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,934
-I know. -[rumbling from bathroom]
355
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,436 ¡Dios mío!
356
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:04,565 Even when I was a horse I did not make
noises or smells of this nature.
357 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,191
[bell ringing]
358 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,653
Hey. Just wanted to let you know, I read you loud and clear.
359
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:12,114 -Excuse me?
-Signal received.
360 00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:16,076
-I sent no signal. -Yeah, wink-wink. I get it.
361
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,996 Uh-oh, Dickarus is flying too close to the sun.
362
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:20,873 But if he's right it changes everything.
363 00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:23,751 Like when a baboon is in heat and presents its red bum-bum
364
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,045 so the other baboons know it's time to monkey around.
365
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:29,423 What the fuck are you talking about?
366
00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:33,510 Hello! The red bra, the book. I know how horny you are.
367
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,804 And as your friend,
I want to help you out
368 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,973
by touching your boob-- [grunts]
369
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,725 [groaning, grunts]
370
00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:40,934 And now you're choking me.
371
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:43,228 And I'm wondering if maybe that's not
what you wanted me to do.
372 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,397
No, that's not what I wanted you to do.
373 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,775
I just thought, when I get horny, I want somebody--
374
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:50,402 You have no idea what I want,
you fucknut shitbag!
375 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:56,867
-Huh, I guess the bra wasn't a signal. -And Jessi is very strong.
376
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:59,578 Hi Andrew, if you're finished
with Doubting Andreas,
377 00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:03,040
I thought you might like to borrow my copy of The Rock of Gibraltar.
378
00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:05,626 -You think I would like it?
-Oh, yeah.
379 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,128
There's telescopes and compasses and Islamic art,
380
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:10,172 basically everything you want
in an interesting book.
381 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:12,382 -And of course there's Gustavo.
-[guitar strums]
382 00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:14,343
[mutters]
383 00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:17,137
Anyway, it's definitely worth a read.
384 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,098 There's something for everyone
in there, I think.
385 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,433 Whew! I gotta get to jazz club.
386 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,728
-Was that a signal? -I don't know. I'm very confused.
387
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:25,854 Whoo!
388
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,065 Did you guys see Jessi
choking me out over there?
389 00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:31,443 Yeah. She gets pretty angry
when she's horny.
390 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:34,947
-Lia. -Hey, Nicky.
391
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,533 I had some questions
re: The Rock of Gibraltar.
392 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:40,410 Are you up to the part where
she grooms him with sweet almond oil?
393 00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,996 Yeah, actually, re: almond oil,
394
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,207 girls don't want to have sex with horses.
395
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,209 That's not what this book
is about, right?
396 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:50,379
Of course not! The horse part isn't what's sexy.
397
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,006
It's the fact that they can't have sex that's so hot.
398
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,218 This is where you lose me.
What's so hot about not having sex?
399 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,762
See, you're thinking like a guy. Women are different.
400
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:01,890 -Sometimes we think sex itself is sexy.
-Great news.
401 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,601 But other times we imagine
a faceless dude
402 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,729 walking around with a baby
in a Baby Bjorn, and that's sexy.
403 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,942
-So babies and no faces are sexy? -No, you tiny dum-dum.
404
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,402 It's a lot of different things.
405
00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:16,029 Sometimes we think a smell is sexy,
406
00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:18,907 -or sushi or Dr. Drew Pinsky.
-What?
407 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:22,161
Or like a million other incomprehensible things, you know what I mean?
408
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:25,289 So The Rock of Gibraltar,
it's about sex
409 00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:28,500
because it's about everything around sex.
410 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:29,918
-See what I'm saying? -Look at that.
411
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:33,172 Our inquisitive son, our wise daughter,
412
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:36,216 working together to solve
the mysteries of human desire.
413 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,302
I know, sweetheart. I credit you.
414 00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:40,512 No, no, no, I credit you.
415
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,181 No, no, I credit you.
416
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,349 I wanna credit you all night long.
417
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:48,520 -Why don't we go and affirm each other?
-I'm already affirmed right now.
418 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,564
Oh, you devil dog.
419 00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:51,565
[chuckles]
420 00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,484 Some might say it's weird they're getting turned on
421 00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:57,112
by their children talking about what's sexy.
422
00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:01,158 But I'm not here to judge. I'm just here to watch.
423
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,409 [laughs]
424
00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,454 Jay is so gross.
425
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,997 He doesn't know what I want.
426
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,665 Yeah! He doesn't.
427
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,918 Jessi, what do you want?
428
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,503 I don't know. I know I like this,
429
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,756 and I thought I was gonna like this.
430
00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:17,174 You did like that.
431
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:20,219 Yeah, but everyone's reaction to it
made me feel so weird.
432 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:22,804 Who cares about everyone else?
433
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:26,808 Maybe it's time to get to know yourself.
434
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,936 Oh, you mean take a look in it?
435
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:32,231 Yeah, take a gander. It's yours, isn't it?
436
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,650 Uh, okay, sure.
437
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:35,943 Can I get some privacy?
438
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:38,195 Of course, pecorino.
439
00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:42,366 If you need me I'll be in the bubble bath
watching Dr. Drew Pinsky.
440 00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:44,618 He looks like a sexy turtle.
441
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:48,038 [sighs] Here goes something.
442
00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:51,124 -Um... hello?
-Hey, girl, hey!
443 00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:54,002
Oh, my God, I have been dying to meet you.
444 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,588 Oh, cool. Okay. Hi, I'm Jessi.
445
00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,548 Well, I'm your genitals.
446
00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:01,510
-[laughs] What's up? -I was wondering when you'd---
447
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:02,678 [both laugh]
448
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:03,929 -I'm sorry, you go first.
-Wait!
449 00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:05,555
-Jinx! -We just talked at the same time.
450
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:07,516 -We're having fun.
-This is fun.
451 00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:10,269 I have to say, you are not
what I was expecting.
452 00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,437 -Do you want the grand tour?
-Uh, yes, please.
453 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:13,814
Great. Okay.
454 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:16,024 Well, up top, la-la-la-la,
455
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,276 this is the clitoris.
456
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,944 It is where the party happens.
457
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,237 What do you mean by "party"?
458
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,657
Oh, gosh. Have you ever been electrocuted, but in a good way?
459
00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:26,618 -No.
-Okay. It's a very important spot.
460 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:29,246
This is the urethra. That's where the pee comes out.
461
00:21:29,329 --> 00:21:31,623 Oh. I didn't know there was a second hole.
462
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,125 There's three, if you count your anus.
463
00:21:33,208 --> 00:21:35,711 -I don't think I do.
-Me neither. She's an asshole.
464 00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:36,712
[rim shot]
465 00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:38,130
-That's a joke. -Oh, okay.
466
00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:40,007 She's a lovely lady, and a drummer.
467
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:43,218 What else? Labia majora.
468
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:45,304 -The labia minora.
-Oh, hi.
469 00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:48,223
And this part here is the actual vagina. [pops]
470
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:52,311 Oh. Weird. Sorry, I assumed
the vagina was like, the whole thing.
471 00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:53,687
A lot of people do that.
472 00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:56,189 It's like how people call
all sparkling wine champagne,
473 00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:59,735
but technically champagne is from one specific region in France.
474
00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:02,571 [laughs] It's like, "Shut up, nerd, we're just trying to get drunk!"
475
00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:03,655 [both laugh]
476
00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,365 -You know, you're not scary.
-Boo!
477 00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:06,533
-Ahh! -[laughs]
478
00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:10,704 Of course I'm not scary. I'm you, and I'm very fun.
479
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,457 Wink-wink.
You know what I mean?
480 00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:16,126 Um, I mean, yeah, I guess
I think I know what you mean.
481 00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:19,338
-Oh, you know what I mean. -I have some sense of what you mean.
482
00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,214 -I'm telling you to masturbate.
-Oh, okay.
483 00:22:21,298 --> 00:22:23,258
-All right. -Okay, well, I'm gonna go now.
484
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,969 -No. What? Stay forever.
-I wish I could.
485 00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,305 Aww. Don't be a stranger.
486
00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:32,642 -Neigh!
-Marty, what the...?
487 00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:34,478
I'm Gustavo the horse.
488 00:22:34,561 --> 00:22:37,689
-Why? -I'm trying to romance you.
489
00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,608 Oh, of course you are.
490
00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:42,235 Look at you, you're Gustavo the horse.
491
00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:46,198 For the record, Marty, Gustavo
wasn't a man who dressed like a horse.
492 00:22:46,281 --> 00:22:48,992 Just get over here, all right?
493
00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:51,119 I threw away the scallops.
494
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:54,206 Oh, you did? You threw 'em away, huh?
495
00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:55,665 -[kissing] -[gasps]
496
00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:57,459 Oh, my God, girls get horny.
497
00:22:57,542 --> 00:23:00,170 -And your mom's a girl.
-So my mom gets horny too.
498 00:23:00,253 --> 00:23:02,547
-[Marty] Neigh. -Jesus Christ,
499
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,841 look at the size of your dad's balls.
500
00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:06,676 [birds chirping]
501
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,096 Okay, and for our final book report,
502
00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:14,309 Nick Birch will be talking to us
about... Oh, The Rock of Gibraltar.
503 00:23:14,392 --> 00:23:17,187
-Nick. -Ms. Razz, bored students,
504
00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:21,525 The Rock of Gibraltar is a brilliantly
told work of historical fiction.
505
00:23:21,608 --> 00:23:24,236 The story is beautiful and filled with passion,
506
00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:27,364 but it's about so much more than just sex.
507
00:23:27,447 --> 00:23:30,450 In a way, it's about everything
around sex.
508 00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:33,453
-Does that make sense? -It totally makes sense.
509
00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:37,707 See, Gustavo takes care of Fatima
without ever robbing her of her power.
510 00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:38,708
Mm-hm!
511 00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:41,002
Now, I'd like to perform a dramatic reading
512
00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:45,090 of the speech Gustavo gives to Fatima
on the shores of Playa Paraíso.
513 00:23:45,173 --> 00:23:47,384
That is, of course, if it's all right with the class.
514
00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:49,845 Do it now! Do the speech now!
515
00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:53,431 [clears throat]
Fatima, I worship you.
516 00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:56,685
I worship your brain
for all the brilliance it holds.
517 00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:59,437
I worship your beauty, for it intoxicates me
518
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:01,481 and drives me passionately to you.
519
00:24:01,565 --> 00:24:03,024 Señorita. -Ooh!
520
00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:03,942 [Duke laughs]
521
00:24:04,025 --> 00:24:06,778 I worship your uncompromising free spirit.
522
00:24:06,862 --> 00:24:09,948 Know that I will never tame you, unless that is what you wish.
523
00:24:10,031 --> 00:24:12,075 This one's slippery, be careful.
524
00:24:12,159 --> 00:24:15,120 Know that I could never uncover
all of your mysteries,
525 00:24:15,203 --> 00:24:17,372
even if I spent a lifetime trying.
526 00:24:17,455 --> 00:24:20,917
Mm-hm. There you go. That's it, baby.
527 00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:23,128
-Oh. Hello. -[genitals] Hey, girl, what's up?
528
00:24:23,211 --> 00:24:26,506 But if you know nothing else,
Fatima, know this:
529 00:24:26,590 --> 00:24:30,427
I want you. I want you forevermore.
530 00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:32,137
I want you.
531 00:24:33,555 --> 00:24:34,639
Okay, thanks, that's it.
532 00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:37,142 Thank you, Gustavo-- Nick.
Thank you, Nick.
533 00:24:37,225 --> 00:24:38,059
Gracias.
534 00:24:46,109 --> 00:24:48,486
-El libro, señor. -Thank you, sir.
535
00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:57,662 [groans]
536
00:24:57,746 --> 00:25:00,373 -Missy, huh? -I guess so.
537
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:03,168 I'm surprised your dad's
big ol' balls didn't show up.
538 00:25:03,251 --> 00:25:04,211
I hate you.
539 00:25:04,294 --> 00:25:08,173
Seriously, I was like, "Why is your dad having sex with a messenger bag on?"
540
00:25:08,256 --> 00:25:11,676 And then I was like,
"Oh, those are his balls."
541 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,428 I can't get 'em out of my mind.
542
00:25:13,511 --> 00:25:16,681 It's like, is he seeing a doctor
because there could be something wrong.
543 00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:19,434
It's weird, too, because they're veiny but there's no hair.
544
00:25:19,517 --> 00:25:24,105 It's smooth. That's the weight, right,
pulling down the skin?
545 00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:27,442
I honestly wonder if he ever poops on his own balls.
546
00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:29,611 He's probably got to drape 'em
outside the toilet.
547 00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,239 Maybe that's how he came up
with the illuminated toilet seat.
548 00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:35,700
I told some kid about that and he went on Shark Tank and made millions.
549
00:25:35,784 --> 00:25:37,327 I feel like I should tell your dad,
550
00:25:37,410 --> 00:25:41,456 but I'm scared he'll hit me in the head with that big pillowcase of watermelons.
551
00:25:41,539 --> 00:25:44,417 Ah, the boy is asleep. What a kid.