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WOMEN OF CHARACTER©

WOMENS TEXT: VOLUME 1

The most important human endeavor is the striving for morality in our actions. Our inner balance and even our very existence depend on it. Only morality in our actions can give

beauty and dignity to life. ~ Albert Einstein ~

SHARON KAY STOLL, PH.D.

WITH CONRAD BREITBACH, CHARLOTTE COFFEE, WINNING WITH CHARACTER FOUNDATION,

EMILY DUKES AND ERRIN REESE

Editing by Errin Reese Cheryl Weiss

Copyright © 2006. All Rights Reserved.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

PART I: ........................................................................ 5 FOUNDATIONS OF CHARACTER ...................................................................................................... 5

DAY 1: QUESTIONNAIRE IMPLEMENTATION .......................................................................... 6 LESSON 1: INTRODUCTION TO WOMEN OF CHARACTER ........................................................ 7 LESSON 2: THE MEANING OF CHARACTER ............................................................................ 9 LESSON 3: MORAL CHARACTER .......................................................................................... 12 LESSON 4: MORAL CHARACTER: WINNING BY GAMESMANSHIP ........................................ 14 LESSON 5: BEING HONORABLE ............................................................................................ 17 LESSON 6: WHAT IS EXPECTED AS AN HONORABLE ROLE MODEL ..................................... 19

PART II: .................................................................... 22 CHARACTER IN THE CLASSROOM ................................................................................................. 22

LESSON 7: CHEATING IN THE CLASSROOM .......................................................................... 23 LESSON 8: PUNCTUALITY ..................................................................................................... 26

PART III: ................................................................... 29 SEX AND CHARACTER .................................................................................................................... 29

LESSON 9: RECREATIONAL SEX – THE PROBLEMS .............................................................. 30 LESSON 10: RECREATIONAL SEX – THE MORAL PROBLEMS ............................................... 33 LESSON 11: SEX AND MOTHERHOOD ................................................................................... 36 LESSON 12: HONORABLE WOMANHOOD AND MOTHERHOOD ............................................. 38 LESSON 13: HONORABLE MOTHERHOOD ............................................................................. 40 LESSON 14: HONOR AND OUT OF WEDLOCK SUPPORT ........................................................ 42 LESSON 15: IRRESPONSIBLE SEX, UNWANTED CHILDREN ................................................... 44 LESSON 16: HONORING SELF ............................................................................................... 47 LESSON 17: HONORING SELF, PART II ................................................................................. 51 LESSON 18: FEMINISM .......................................................................................................... 54 LESSON 19: RAPE ................................................................................................................. 57 LESSON 20: SEXUAL HARASSMENT ..................................................................................... 59

PART IV: ................................................................... 61 DECENCY OFF THE FIELD ............................................................................................................. 61

LESSON 21: HONORABLE WOMANHOOD, DECENCY, AND DECORUM ................................. 62 LESSON 22: DRUNK .............................................................................................................. 65 LESSON 23: DRUNK: IS ABSTINENCE THE ANSWER? .......................................................... 69 LESSON 24: DRUNK: IS TEMPERANCE THE ANSWER? ......................................................... 72 LESSON 25: MARIJUANA AND RECREATIONAL DRUG USE .................................................. 74 LESSON 26: DECORUM IN THE CLASSROOM ........................................................................ 78 LESSON 27: DECORUM ON GAME DAY ................................................................................ 81

PART V: ..................................................................... 83 HONOR AND DECORUM AS A STUDENT ATHLETE – PERSONAL RESPONSIBILTIES ................... 83

LESSON 28: HOMOSEXUALITY ............................................................................................. 84 LESSON 29: AFFAIRS WITH COACHES .................................................................................. 88 LESSON 30: ANGER AND EMOTIONAL TRAUMA .................................................................. 90 LESSON 31: HOTHEAD .......................................................................................................... 94 LESSON 32: STRATEGIES TO CONTROL ANGER – THE POWER OF HUMOR .......................... 97 LESSON 33: THE EFFECT OF AROUSAL/ANGER ON PLAYING AND PERFORMANCE. ............ 99 LESSON 34: STRATEGIES TO CONTROL ANGER .................................................................. 101

3 LESSON 35: GOOD NUTRITION ........................................................................................... 104 LESSON 36: EATING DISORDERS ........................................................................................ 109

PART VI: .................................................................. 112 VICE AND VIRTUE ........................................................................................................................ 112

LESSON 37: HUMILITY: WHAT IS IT? ................................................................................ 113 LESSON 38: VIRTUES AND PLAYING THE GAME – HUMILITY ............................................ 116 LESSON 39: VIRTUE – TEMPERANCE .................................................................................. 119 LESSON 40: VIRTUE – HUMILITY AND MODESTY .............................................................. 121 LESSON 41: VIRTUE – RESPONSIBILITY ............................................................................. 124 LESSON 42: HONORABLE RESPONSIBILITY ........................................................................ 127 LESSON 43: RESPONSIBILITY: FAMILY, AND TEAMMATES ............................................... 130 LESSON 44: COMMUNITY RESPONSIBILITIES ..................................................................... 133 LESSON 45: RESPONSIBILITIES OF FELLOWSHIP ................................................................ 135 LESSON 46: FOLLOWER RESPONSIBILITY .......................................................................... 137

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A TEST OF CHARACTER© Philosophy Supporting the Curriculum

The Design: A 15-minute session on task with lecturers and invited speakers, divided into three 15-minute modules per week. Introduction: The project is based on consistent, theoretical, and applied research in character education and moral development over more than 30 years. Researchers (Kohlberg, et. al, 1970 - 1992, Lickona, 1991) have maintained that character development is a two-part process. In Part I, individuals utilize specific reasoning skills and formulate strategies to answer such questions as: “What is right?” and “Why is it right?” These reasoning skills build on personal and social values to lay down a strong cognitive base. Reasoning skills, however, are only useful if the reasoning process can be placed into behavioral action. Parts II – VI of this project focuses on using the cognitive skills in Part I to help develop behavioral strategies toward solving pressing personal and social issues. As reasoning only becomes a skill when it can function to change behavior, behavior strategies without reasoning are also lifeless. Part I: Foundations of Character Critical Examination of Personal and Social Values is based on critical examination and reasoning concepts relative to character and social development, such as respect, honor, and responsibility. This model will focus on two questions of right choice: “Is an action honorable?” AND, “Is it responsible?” These two questions will comprise the theme in the development of a personal and social value system. This system will bring honor to the individual as well as aid in developing leaders of character. Parts II-VI: Practicing Character On and Off the Field Examining, Developing a Plan, and Practicing Character On and Off the Field are the components of a practical, hands-on laboratory approach to pressing social issues that impinge on the student athlete. The project is a cooperative model between student and instructor to enhance personal development. It is individually designed to assist the student athlete in determining, “Is an action honorable” and “Is it responsible?” Forty-four lessons will be covered under six main topics.

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PART I: FOUNDATIONS OF CHARACTER

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DAY 1: QUESTIONNAIRE IMPLEMENTATION Before beginning the following lessons, it is imperative to administer the RUDD questionnaire to your athletes. You can find this questionnaire on the CD Rom labeled “Manuals and Instruments”. Print enough copies for every athlete in the course. Hand out the questionnaires and give the following instructions before beginning the survey:

1. Have the athletes put their First Name and Last Initial in the Upper Right Corner of each Instrument.

Coaches this is very important so that we can track the progress of your student athletes. Without First Name and Last initial –you will not receive important information about your student athletes.

2. Explain to the athletes the importance of their participation in the study. They should answer EVERY question honestly. Stress the fact that there are no right or wrong answers.

3. Have the athletes begin the questionnaires.

4. Gather the questionnaires when the athletes have finished. This should take about 15

to 20 minutes. After the students have filled out their questionnaires and you have collected them, please record the following information on a separate piece of paper: Name of School: ______________________ Head Coach: _________________________ Sport: ______________________________ Year in Program (i.e. Fresh., Soph., etc.): ___________________ THEN: Put the information sheet on top of the packet of questionnaires and mail to the following address:

S. Stoll Center of ETHICS*

500 Memorial Gymnasium University of Idaho

Moscow, ID 83844-2429 E-mail Dr. Stoll and let her know that the questionnaires have been mailed.

sstoll@uidaho.edu

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LESSON 1: INTRODUCTION TO WOMEN OF CHARACTER Purpose: Develop the ability to discuss issues, using predominantly first-order and second- order questions, along with third-order questions. A first-order question requires a “yes” or “no” answer. A second-order question requires an answer that defines or gives information. A third-order question requires a reflective answer. Questioning or probing, which is open-ended, is focused on moral dimensions and encourages respondents to explore their reasoning. Logic is at the core. We will be attempting to foster the structure of what we intend to teach throughout the season: heightened moral awareness and social responsibility. Good and effective questions should help stretch students’ thinking. These first, second, and third-order questions introduce students to the discussion of moral issues and encourage the development of their moral awareness. Ask: What is a winner? Let the students respond. Give them a few minutes to explain their responses. They will most likely give very concrete answers. Call on at least four or five different women. Ask: Can winning be applied to all of life, outside of athletics? A. How? B. When? Again their responses will probably be concrete, but the more intelligent students will be getting the drift of where you want to go. Don’t spend too much time here, approximately 5 minutes. Ask: How would you define being a winner in life? Let them respond without commentary. Call on several ... even if they don’t raise their hands to be called upon. Make sure that different personalities are called upon. Ask: Is winning related to success? Or money? Could a woman be a winner without either making big bucks or without having “lots of things?” Don’t let them respond to this question. Give the following example or one of your own. I’m reminded of my Aunt Susan, who never made more than minimum wage. She never owned a new car and the house she lived in was small. She never traveled very far from home. She didn’t marry until she was 47, and she never had any children. However, Aunt Susan was loved by her husband and her extended family. When she died she left no monetary legacy ... but her funeral was attended by the scores of Girl Scouts that she led. She was a winner in life. Ask: What do you think? Was my Aunt Susan just a “dufus” who missed out on the real things in life? Try to remember what they said earlier about being a winner. Use their own words here to expand upon what is being said. Let them talk a little before asking the following questions:

8 Ask: Is it possible to be a winner without making big bucks? How would a woman be a loser in life? This is a reverse of the previous question. Let them dwell on what it means to be a loser and a winner. Ask: Can you give me an example of a loser in life? Can a woman be both a loser and successful? Unfortunately, there is social commentary that athletes are not scholars and do not positively add to the University experience.1 They argue that athletes tend to choose less difficult majors, are narrowly focused toward athletics, and do not add to the greater intellectual output of a university or college. We recommend that all individuals involved in athletics read their work to understand the arguments against athletics and athletic scholarships. In other words, athletes do not fit the mold of the university expectation. There is also the perception that you are too narrow-minded, don’t value your education, and are here just to play and party. However, such is not true ... It is a fact that there is a low positive correlation between athletic skill and intellect ... that means ... You have the smarts to make a “big difference.” For next time: Ask five other athletes what it is to be a winner.

1 Schulman, J. L. & Bowen, W. G. (2001). The game of life: College sports and educational values. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

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LESSON 2: THE MEANING OF CHARACTER Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to explore the meaning of character. Questions will be first-order and second-order, but will begin to move into strategies that focus on elements of moral reasoning. Effective questions should invite students to explore the reasons behind their opinions and to “interact” with their teammates in a way that challenges their own pattern of thinking. This task will begin in lesson 2 and will build through the curriculum. Ask: What is it to be a winner? Call on five students who didn’t respond last time. Ask: What is character? Call on three different women and listen to their responses. Ask if they agree or disagree with each other? But don’t give them the answer. Aristotle called character “the ability to know the right and do the right”. Thomas Lickona said character is “the ability to value the right, know the right and do the right, even when no one is watching”. Let them think about those statements. Ask: What is the difference between having character and being a character? You may use any example of an individual who has a charming social character and also possesses great moral character. The idea here is to get the athletes to think about the differences between social character and moral character. Social character traits are the worth that society places on attributes such as hard work, dedication, sacrifice, intensity, and so forth. Social values are really focused on individual accomplishments: the athlete is a hard worker, the athlete is intense, the athlete is a good team member, and so forth. Moral character has to do with how the athlete relates to other human beings and the relative worth placed on such attributes as honesty, justice, responsibility, civility, and decency. These attributes are focused toward others: The athlete is responsible, the athlete is civil, the athlete plays fair, and so forth. Having Character or Being a Character:

When I was a sophomore in high school, we played three on three basketball. It was not the "three on three" game that exists today. It was a strange game of three forwards from the other team who were allowed to shoot the ball and score and three guards from our team who were not. On the other side of the court it was the reverse; their three guards and our three forwards. Players could NOT cross the center line. We also could only dribble the ball three times and then we had to pass it. When my coach explained the game to me, I asked, “Why do we play this silly game?” My brother played regular basketball, so why should the girls’ game be different? My coach said, “If you run up and down the court like boys, your ovaries will fall out!” – and she was serious.

The next year, the game changed and one guard could score – becoming a forward when crossing the center line. I was not selected to play this position, but my friend Lisa was. I asked the coach, “Why are we sacrificing Lisa’s ovaries?” The coach did not

10 find my comment humorous. She said, “Stoll, you are a character!”

Ask: What is the difference between these two qualities; having character and being a character? Call on two or three students. Let them answer. If any of them hits upon the concept of character, use it in giving them more information such as: being a character is usually related to some personality characteristics (being charming, witty, funny, clever and so forth). However, having character is saying something very specific and important about how that individual treats others. Ask: Can you define moral character? Pause ... let them think about it. If anyone suggests an answer, first listen then weave the responses they have given you into your definition. “Character is knowing the right and doing the right.” – Aristotle. “Character is knowing, valuing, and doing the right.” – Lickona. Ask: If character is about knowing, valuing, and doing the right, what is “the right?” How do you know what is “the right?” Look at a student, call her by name and ask: _____, how do you know what is the right thing to do? Their responses may include their parents, perhaps the Bible ... maybe some other source. They may answer that “right” is flexible ... no one knows what is the right. If you get that answer, ask another player: “Do you agree with _________? Is right something that is relative?” Knowing what is right means there are absolutes; there are certain things that are always right and certain things that are always wrong. If there is no such thing as “always right” or “always wrong,” then the idea of character is flexible. Ask: Can you think of anything that is always wrong? Let them think. Ask: What actions are always wrong? Hopefully they will say, “Rape is always wrong.” Hopefully they will say, “Child abuse is always wrong.” If they say lying is always wrong ... or murder is always wrong ... be careful. Don’t go there because, in some instances, lying or committing murder to save a human life would not be wrong. Save this difficult concept for another day. Reiterate that the issues of rape and abusing children are “always wrong”. Ask: What is always right? Hopefully they will say something like: loving a child, showing mercy, or being a good person are always right. Being a decent person is always right. If they don’t say these sorts of things, you respond that such absolutes do exist. Assignment for next time: Answer for yourself, why are both social and moral

11character important to having a “winning” team?

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LESSON 3: MORAL CHARACTER Purpose: In this lesson the purpose will be to explore moral character. Questions will be first-order, second-order, and third-order for which the students must use more thought to answer. Allow them to think before she answers. Don’t push and don’t be in a hurry for an answer. Let them reflect. Or, as my students would say, let them stew and sweat. Reflection: “Last time we began to discuss social character, which is what?” Call on a specific individual by name. Keep calling until you get an answer. Try not to answer for them, because they will learn to just wait for you to answer for them. They will answer you if they know you value what they have to say and that you will wait for them to answer. It is embarrassing for them over time if they don’t answer, but they will. Weave whatever responses they give into the answer. Social Character: Social character is about the traits that society places on hard work, dedication, sacrifice, intensity, and teamwork. Ask: If that’s social character, what do you think moral character is? Ask an athlete specifically, “What is moral character?” Ask at least three different women this question. Don’t give them any information until they have spoken. If they stumble about and have difficulty answering, break down the question. Ask: What are morals? Again, let them respond before you give them your answer. In the book of Corinthians from the Bible, St. Paul uses the word morality more than 30 times. Basically he preaches against sexually immorality, but he also preaches against immorally dealing with others (this is a good opportunity to define sexual immorality according to St. Paul). St. Paul wrote during the time that Greek literature and philosophy influenced thinking. To the Greeks, morality had to do with how individuals treat each other. Aristotle said the life of right conduct was “knowing the right and doing the right even when no one else is watching.” Ask: What does knowing the right have to do with morality? Again, ask different students and let them speak. Rephrase what they have said, and see if there is disagreement or agreement with what they are saying about “the right”. Hopefully by this time they will say something to the effect that character has to do with such things as trust, honesty, responsibility, fair play, respect, and so forth. If they have not mentioned such traits, respond with, “Aristotle said the notion of morality was decency to others. Respectful behavior. Fair Play. Justice. Morality is important in all human dealings with each other. Richard DeGeorge, an ethicist in business said, “Without morality we could

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not have a society.”2 If this is true, then your sport could not function without a moral code, though the code is probably the team rules. The team rules are probably interspersed with both social character i.e., being on time, going to class, being accountable, displaying moral character, and respecting each other and coaches, and so forth. Although we’ll spend more time on this later, we want to introduce the concept that how the student treats others directly shows others what kind of person she is. The person that she is directly affects her own life, her family’s life, her team’s life, as well as the life of her college. Ask: So how does moral character come into play for you as a student and athlete at your college? How do you display your moral character in your life here on campus? Let them think about this while you tell this story:

In 1956 at the Winter Olympic Games, Eugenio Monti, the captain of the Italian bobsled team was the next to the last competitor. As is somewhat consistent in bobsledding, the ice was getting faster as the day progressed. Monti and his team finished their run and were in first place. Only one team was left, the English, who had consistently had good times and, if all went well, would probably get even better ice and a better score and beat the Italians. As Monti waited for the English to run, he got word that their sled had brake problems and they probably would have to forfeit if it didn’t get it fixed in time, guaranteeing Monti and his team the win. Monti knew the construction of the English sled. His sled was almost the same design. Without thought, Monti unscrewed his brake and sprinted to the top of the bobsled run. He handed his brake to the English captain, who used it to fix their sled. The English went on to win the event. When asked about his chivalrous behavior, Monti shrugged his shoulders and said, “Winning is only honorable through competition. It is not honorable to win by technicalities or by equipment failure.”3

This example is an ideal form of what it means to have honorable behavior on the field of play. It’s what A. Bartlett Giamatti, the former commissioner of baseball who fired Pete Rose, said “To play by the rules and the spirit of the rules, to play courageously and value the opponent, so that winning is, sweeter still.” Even if they chuckle and think all of this is funny, it’s OK because we are just starting the journey. Hopefully, one of the women will have a story of how a coach “did the right thing” by honoring the opponents or by honoring the rules of the game. When Monti was later contacted about his “unusual” behavior and that he was a hero, he said, “Don’t congratulate me for doing the right thing. Every true competitor would do the same thing.” For next time: Obviously Monti’s behavior is not the standard of today. We all can give examples of former coaches and players who didn’t value the opponent or the game. Should we believe in doing the honorable and right thing when we play a game?

2 De George, R. T. (1995). Business ethics. 4th Ed. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall. 3 http://www.geusc.bc.ca/sportsmanship.htm

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LESSON 4: MORAL CHARACTER: WINNING BY GAMESMANSHIP

Purpose: This lesson will begin examining the different points of view about competition. Should an athlete win at all costs, or is true winning on the field matched with true winning in life, where the rules and the spirit of the rules are important? Questions will be third-order, directed toward higher-order reasoning. Begin the discussion with: “Last time I asked you to think about this question: Should we believe in doing the honorable and right thing when we play a game? Or should the end result, the win, be the most important goal?” At this point, it is important to let the students know that winning is important and that score is kept. The purpose of playing a game is to advance the ball to score points. Today, however, we are all too often tempted to gain an advantage. The problem is not about winning. The problem is what we are willing to do to win. Are we willing to lie, cheat, and steal to gain the win? That’s the question. However, we also must realize that being able to know what is lying, cheating, and stealing isn’t always so clear when strategy and deception are large parts of what we do when we play games. Tell the following true story:

Dot Richardson, the famed Olympic gold medalist, is probably the most recognizable name in women’s softball. As a child, there was little competition for girls who wanted to play baseball. In fact, the best competition was Little League which at the time excluded girls. Richardson was an excellent athlete and was as good if not better then her older brother who was on a Little League team. She wanted to play just like her brother, but wasn’t permitted to join, instead she had to sit and watch. When Dot was 11 years old, she and her brother were playing catch near the Little League fields. One of the coaches saw the two playing and approached Dot. He asked her if she wanted to play on his Little League team. This was the chance Dot had been waiting for all of her short life. However, the coach informed her that for a girl to play on the boy’s league she would have to cut her hair to make herself look like a boy and call herself ‘Bob.’4

Ask: What would you do? Would you change your appearance and/or name in order to live out your dream? Many students will say, “I’d do whatever it takes to be able to play. Others might say, “I’d never do that.” Ask: What do you think of the coach’s request that she cut her hair and call herself Bob? Why was he asking her to do this? Call on several girls.

4 Richardson, D. Go for it: Conversations on being you. Online sample. http://store.girls-explore.com/dotribi.html

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Obviously there was a rule that only “boys” could play and he wanted to pass her off as a boy. Ask: Was the coach’s request unethical, i.e. was he asking her to cheat?

Call on Several girls. If a rule existed that only boys could play then the coach was asking her to “conspire” with him to violate the rules on purpose, which is cheating. Say: To continue the story…

Dot’s dream was to play baseball, but not at the expense of compromising herself or her values. She refused to hide who she really was and told the coach ‘Thanks, but no thanks.’ Shortly after the incident, a coach of a girl’s softball team asked her to play for his team. She was the youngest player at age 11. Dot finally had the chance to pursue her dream with honesty and integrity.5

Ask: Why was Dot Richardson’s action honorable? Richardson, even though she wanted to play very badly she realized at age 11 that the coach was asking her to do something wrong. Maybe she couldn’t tell exactly why, but she knew something was not right. There are reasons for rules and reasons for why we value who we are. Ask: Was the coach’s action honorable? Ask a few players. Hopefully they will say that the coach’s action was not honorable. If Richardson cut her hair and called herself Bob and the coach passed her off as a boy, rules would be violated as well as the spirit of the rule. Of course, we could argue that the Little League at the time was sexist, and the rules needed to be reevaluated, but the remedy, passing Dot off as a boy, does not solve the problem. Two wrongs do not make a right. It is doubtful the coach counseled her to cheat for a social change. He counseled her to get a good player. The coach in this story has violated both the rules and the spirit of the rules. Ask: Why do we play the game of _______ (whichever sport you coach)? The spirit of the rule is supposed to be about why we play the game. Ask several women. You will probably get a variety of answers from some like: it is fun, it pays for my education, and so forth. Let them talk about why they play the game. Pay close attention to what they are saying and how they are answering the question. Is there any passion to what they are saying? At this time, give your point of view as to why you played the game. Why do you now coach? I am guessing that you played the game for the challenge, the physicality, the comradery, and hopefully for the honor of being a part of the history of collegiate women athletes. The game is why we play; for the honor of playing the game as it should be played, by the rules and by the spirit of the rules. Why do you coach? I would bet that your answer will not be about making money, but about the great joy of working with young people and making a difference in their lives. Make sure your players

5 Ibid.

16understand that you do make good money but that’s not why you coach. Let them think about what the purpose of the game is all about – the honor of playing with each other, playing against honorable opponents, and honoring the game. Ask: What is the contrast between the actions of Eugenio Monti and Dot Richardson’s Little League coach? What was different about their actions? Hopefully someone will figure out that Monti had more respect for his sport; he respected his opponents and the competition. He wanted to win, but only if he won by his skill, not by a technicality or by bending the rules. The Little League coach did not possess the same elevated sense of responsibility to the game, the players, or the spirit of the game. For next time: In big-time athletics today, bending the rules happens a lot, not necessarily by the coaches here but by all of those around us. Our challenge: to be caring and honorable women in an often uncaring and dishonorable world. Should we want to be caring and honorable?

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LESSON 5: BEING HONORABLE Purpose: This lesson will focus on being honorable both in life and on the field of play. The questioning in this lesson will focus on higher-order interpretative questions in which the athlete will be asked to make comparisons with real-life situations. Interestingly, in sport we often try to get around the referee. Some coaches have been known to “play” the referee or the umpire to try to gain an advantage. It is also true that, historically, the purpose of the referee was to keep track of involuntary violations. When players really hadn’t known what happened, the umpire or referee was there to give a “factual” account of what actually occurred. However, as is the case in any activity in which gaining an edge becomes a part of the game, it didn’t take long for teams and coaches to learn how to “work” the referee. A case in point is the maxim, if the referee didn’t see it, it didn’t happen, which grew into using strategies to keep the referee from seeing. If the referee didn’t see it, it didn’t happen. Some purists have said that any activity that attempts to manipulate the referee to gain advantage is “cheating” ... cheating the game and the competitors.6 Pause and let them think about this statement. Ask: Can you give any examples or conditions in which plays are developed to keep the referee from seeing the action? This may appear to be troublesome, but it’s a good point to discuss because if the women believe that rules are “something” to get around, they may begin to apply the same sort of thinking in real life. Let them discuss the situation. Ask: What is the purpose of the referee? Call on different students and get three different points of view. Ask: Should the activities of the referee be valued? Why? Give examples. Again, call on different students. By now you should be able to pick out the better thinkers from those who are just emerging as thinkers. Call on the better thinkers, but also include others in the discussion. You will soon discover that the differences in opinion help push everyone to a different level. However, it is important that they know what YOU believe and that you have a strong, conservative point of view about moral values: the hard values of honor, respect, responsibility, justice and truthfulness.

Ask: Should the referee be respected? If so, why? How? Ask each question directly to several students and get different points of view. You probably will get answers to the effect that “cheating” is only when you get caught. If and when you get to the place where cheating is defined as “only when you get caught”, and the whole point is not to get caught, give the following scenario and direct it pointedly toward the young woman who made the comment.

6 Pearson, K. M. (1988). Deception, sportsmanship, and ethics. In W. J. Morgan & K. V. Meier (Eds.), Philosophic inquiry in sport. (pp.

263-265). Champaign, Il: Human Kinetics.

18 Let’s suppose, ______, that you have a serious relationship with a boy. You and he have made promises to each other and have planned a future. You are true, but unknown to you, your boyfriend is having an affair with another woman. You never find out that the affair is going on. Everyone else knows the affair is going on, but you don’t. Because you don’t know it’s going on, therefore, he’s not cheating on you. True or false?

At this stage, the woman will figure out where you are going. She may argue that this is different than in sport. If all goes well, the rest of the girls will give her a hard time, but the case is the same. Just because no one catches you doing an act, doesn’t mean that the act did not occur. Cheating is cheating whether anyone sees it or not. And the purpose of the referee is to bring fair play to the game. Disrespect of him or her is disrespect for the game and yourself. When and if your boyfriend cheats, he is cheating on you and disrespectful of both you and the promise he made to you, whether you ever know about it or not. Ask: Can we take this analogy further? In what other situations is it important to honor and respect individuals or respect the activity that is being done? It is not possible to guess what the students will come up with at this point, though they may make reference to all sorts of activities in which respect must be shown toward college professors, judges, and/or police officers. Maybe they can’t make the jump to apply respect, but give them opportunity to think about this question and respond. Don’t rush them. For next time: Give examples of individuals who serve as honorable role models. Be able to explain why you chose them, and why you consider them honorable role models and would want to follow their example.

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LESSON 6: WHAT IS EXPECTED AS AN HONORABLE ROLE MODEL

Purpose: In this lesson, the focus will be on the athlete’s responsibility as a role model for herself, her family, for the team, and the university community. From last time: Who are your honorable role models? And why? Select 3-5 athletes and let them respond. Say: A role model is an individual who others want to follow. If we choose to follow them – there must be some sort of dedication and passion. What we do on the field directly affects what we do in life. If our practice on the field is dishonorable, those practices will filter into our everyday life. Read the following:

(This section has a Christian basis within the lesson; if you can, discuss the situation, or alter it to fit your purpose. Alternate terminology is stated in parentheses.) At a recent Fellowship of Christian Athletes’ breakfast, a group of collegiate women lacrosse players were discussing their responsibility for honorable action as an athlete. The discussion focused on such attributes as being accountable and attending class; being responsible to physically prepare to play the game; being focused on the game; being responsible to give the game 110 percent, being responsible to be a good sport and civil to others in the community – i.e., to give back. An interested bystander asked a very different sort of question, “How do you practice being a Christian (woman of honor) when you play a game in which you physically and emotionally intimidate your opponent as well as often trash talk your opponent?” The pastor (speaker) in charge of the discussion referred the question to one of his more thoughtful players. The player’s response: “I’m as good a Christian (person) as anyone here, but I leave God (morals) on the bench when I play lacrosse.” There was a deadly pause as the pastor (speaker) stared at the player. At that point, another player jumped to her feet and said, “Naw, she’s got it all wrong. Jesus the Christ (anybody regardless of morals) would play just as viciously as I do!” At which point, the pastor (speaker) asked this question, “Are you saying that there is some sort of compartmentalization of values whereby you have a responsibility to be a decent person outside of sport, but you have a responsibility to be brutal when you play?”

In other words, you are a Christian (woman of honor) except when you play the game? Or you do interpret that Jesus the Christ (a leader) would also compartmentalize and play the game brutally, intentionally trying to take the other player out of the game using

20whatever force is necessary; that He (she) would not honor the skill or the talent of the other athlete, but take them out so that they can’t play, period. Let the athletes think a bit about these questions. Ask: Does the game you play demand two different value systems, one for on the field/court and one for off the field/court? Pointedly ask one of the women to respond. Choose one who is conservative and one who you think will give a thoughtful answer. Ask another. And, finally ask another. Repeat each of their answers so that a clear picture is formed. Ask at least three different students, two good thinkers and one who is learning to think. Contrast their answers and weave it into a position. Keep asking questions, building on what they have asked. You may get answers such as, “Yes, you have to have different values because what we do on the field we can’t do on the street.” or, “Everything’s fair in love, war, and sport.” Respond with the following examples of fair play in love and war: Actually not everything is fair in war; there are rules called the Geneva Convention in which there are parameters or guidelines, i.e., we don’t massacre women, children, and/or civilians; we don’t use instruments of mass destruction; we don’t practice genocide; we don’t torture prisoners. In love, we have moral rules. We don’t value adultery, and we don’t value affairs. And even in athletics, there are actions that we don’t value ... in fact, we would consider an individual a coward if they were practiced. Ask: What action would you consider to be cowardly behavior on the field or court? Realize here that common practice is not necessarily very thoughtful practice or practice that follows one stated belief system. If sport cannot be played except in a brutish fashion, then sport cannot be part of an educational perspective or an educational mission. However, if the physicality of sport is about challenging one’s own skill against another, then sport becomes honorable action. Harm may occur through injury, but the harm of injury is not intentional harm. Sport should consist of honorable, physical contests.

A college professor taught a class in sport ethics at a small college which had a reputation as a powerhouse softball school. Three of the softball players were in the professor’s class when a discussion about honorable behavior ensued. One of the players asked, ‘Do you think profanity is honorable behavior?’ ‘Profanity?’ asked the professor. ‘Yes, you know, liberal use of the F-word.’ ‘I would argue that being profane is not honorable, for honorable actions are actions that are valued and replicated by others. Honorable actions are actions that help other people. Since the very definition of profanity is swearing at another, profanity cannot be honorable. Why do you ask?’ ‘Well, our coach has a market on how often he can use the F-word. We counted last game; he used the word 59 times in the seventh-inning stretch alone.’

21 ‘So why is he so profane? Is the profanity used to motivate you? In other words, the more profane he is, the more motivated you are to do a good job?’ ‘Well, the madder he gets, the more motivated I get to do something he wants.’ ‘But if he swears every other word, don’t you get immune to the swearing after a while?’ ‘You know what? Actually I don’t hear it after a while. I mean, I sort of listen. I filter out all the profanity and just listen to the stuff about what I’m supposed to do.’ ‘So let me get this straight. Coach swears at you 59 times in a three-minute time period. But you don’t hear it anyway because you don’t listen to it. Seems like rather tiresome language to me. And, if profanity is the standard conduct and you hear it all the time, don’t you sort of get pulled into using it yourself? How is that honorable?’

Words have meaning. How we use them says much about how we value other people. What we do on the field directly affects what we do in life. If our practice on the field is dishonorable, then those practices will filter into our everyday life. For next time: In a paragraph, respond to the previous story. What actions do you engage in on the field/court that may be considered dishonorable off the field/court?

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PART II: CHARACTER IN THE CLASSROOM

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LESSON 7: CHEATING IN THE CLASSROOM Purpose: This lesson will touch on the principles of respect and honesty in terms of cheating in the classroom. Cheating, as we well know, not only violates the school honor code and can be punishable by expulsion from the university, but also is a sure way to violate the principle of honesty. READ CAREFULLY THE FOLLOWING We recommend that you read your university’s honor code, or better yet, have an individual from the judicial office come and speak to the students about the honor code and what it means to every student in the room. The extensiveness of many university honor codes demand supported education for the students. Take as many sessions as necessary for this lesson and bring in as many authorities as possible. Please read the student honor code so that you understand the magnitude of responsibility for cheating at your university. From last time: What actions do you engage in on the field/court that may be considered dishonorable off the field/court? One of the largest problems on college and university campuses today is cheating. It is argued that approximately 89-98% of students cheat. Also, many athletic administrations fear that cheating in the classroom sends a message that athletes are just cheaters, which translates into cheating on the field also. Ask: What is cheating? Most often, students will perceive cheating in one way, using the traditional definition, and limited to their experiences in the classroom, in relationships, or on the playing field. Allow them to work through the definition; however, read this definition aloud so as to get all of them on the same page. Cheating:7

1. To deceive or mislead somebody, especially for personal advantage.

2. To break the rules in a game, examination, or contest, in an attempt to gain an unfair advantage.

3. To have a sexual relationship with somebody other than a spouse or regular sexual partner.

Say: Cheating: the attempt to deceive or mislead another in an attempt to gain an unfair advantage. Ask: Where have we heard this before? What does it means to be a “cheater?” Take your time in order to get these difficult answers. A cheater:8

• Somebody who uses deceit or trickery to gain an unfair advantage.

7 Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. Developed for Microsoft by Bloomsbury

Publishing Plc. 8 Ibid.

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• Somebody who obtains somebody else’s property by dishonest

means. At least 95 percent of college students cheat at some time in the classroom.9 That is why a university has an honor code. The university is trying hard to establish integrity – freedom from corruption – in the classroom. Ask: Why do students cheat in the classroom? Ask several students and make a list on the board. Actually most people cheat because they think they can get away with it and because they think there is no value to the class. Students more often than not cheat in very large classes because the professor doesn’t know them and students usually find the classes meaningless. More cheating occurs in non-major classes and more cheating occurs if the class is taught by a teaching assistant.10 Ask: What is the punishment for cheating at this school? At this time explain what is considered cheating and what the punishment is for being caught. Having an individual from the judicial council or office that can explain this may be helpful here, or consult the student handbook. Better yet, have the women to find the answer for themselves. At most institutions, the punishment depends on the importance of the activity. For example, a quiz grade of “F” differs greatly from a final exam grade of “F.” At other schools, any act of cheating could result in dismissal. Ask: What strategies will you use to not cheat or assist another person in not cheating? Encourage them to think about the answer. Continue by asking the following questions:

1. What do you think of cheaters in the classroom? 2. What do you think of cheaters on the playing field? 3. Do you hold one above the other? Meaning, do you value your

sport over your schooling, making it a more serious violation to cheat on the field than to take illegal substances or vice versa? Should it matter which is “more serious?” Aren’t both in violation of the principle of honesty?

4. What is a fair punishment for someone found cheating in the classroom?

Typically when we discuss cheating in the classroom we speak of it in three different terms: Cheating on an Exam/Paper: Copying another person’s answers with or without their knowledge or consent. This is the most obvious and traditional form of cheating in the classroom.

9 Michael J., Josephson Institute, Marina Del Rey, California.

10 Ibid.

25 Plagiarism: 11 1) Copying what somebody else has written or taking somebody else’s idea and trying to pass it off as original, or 2) something copied from somebody else’s work, or somebody else’s idea that somebody presents as his or her own. Clearly plagiarism is a violation of the principle of honesty. Also many professors today use web assisted sites to catch cheaters. Basically, the professor enters the student papers into a data base to examine whether the paper was in other papers published. The web assisted program can catch words or phrases that have been lifted from other sources. Assisted Cheating: Assisting another individual in cheating on an exam or paper. For example, making it easy for a classmate to look at your paper during a test or giving others the answers to multiple-choice questions. In many cases, a person who allows another person to cheat will suffer the same consequences as the “cheater,” although they may just be trying to help. Assisted cheating is common because the person assisting thinks they are doing a good deed. They think they are helping someone else. Little do they realize they are neither helping the other person, nor as they doing a good deed. More harm is done than good. If we value the material, if we value learning, if we value our professors, if we value ourselves, cheating will not occur. Unfortunately today, too many coaches have told their athletes, “If you are not cheating, you are not trying.” Cheating is actually a violation of a promise given. “I promise to do my work.” “I promise to complete my assignments.” I promise to be faithful to my husband.” Cheating as a part of dishonesty, along with lying and stealing, violates the tenets of trustful relationships. Cheating is ALWAYS wrong. None of us are above doing wrongful actions. But, our goals should be about “What we should do.” We should honor the contract of trust in the classroom. We should have more integrity than to be cheaters. For next time: Write a paragraph on your position regarding cheaters. Have you ever cheated on an exam or assisted another in passing a test? If so, what rationalization did you use to make it seem like the right thing to do? Is it ever the right thing to do? Why or why not?

11 Encarta® World English Dictionary © (1999) Microsoft Corporation. Developed for Microsoft by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc.

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LESSON 8: PUNCTUALITY Purpose: Punctuality is about respect of others. Your team may have rules associated with being late to class, practice, film sessions, or conditioning, however it is rare for young rule-bound athletes to understand the purpose of what they are doing. For example, they must be given responsibility to learn responsibility. Above all, they must understand how their actions affect others. Instructor: Discuss the principle of respect. If you wish, use the “Golden Rule,” which is the biblical ideal of treating others as you would like to be treated. If you elect not to use this option, use the following quiz to determine which actions are acceptable or unacceptable. Have the students take this quiz by asking and answering the following questions as a group. For each question, ask them to answer by stating whether the following behavior is acceptable or unacceptable. Take time with each of these scenarios. Ask: Is it okay to be late? Explain when and under what circumstances? Ask several students. Perhaps there are times, if an excusing condition occurs. You got in a car wreck; the garage door fell on you. Ask: What are some other examples of what could be an excusing condition for being late? Ask several students. Therefore what would you say is an acceptable condition for being late? Depending on the conditions, usual conditions are life’s true traumas. Traumas are things in which have no power to correct. You cannot overcome the conditions. Ask: Therefore what are not excusing conditions to be late? Ask several students. Not acceptable excusing conditions have to do with your own will and your own ability to manage your time. Ask: If you are going to be late, what responsibility do you have to contact the individual who you are supposed to meet? Included within this question is your responsibility to your professors? Ask the students. The best probable answer is to phone and if you cannot reach the person, leave a message. Apologize for not being there and explain why. Don’t make it habit. The first time the individual will give you the benefit, the second time you become a whiner. Below is a little quiz by Chelsea Herman, a former Division-I basketball player about being late. How would you respond.

1. A player has a meeting with Coach at 2:30 pm. She walks in at 2:45. Is this behavior acceptable or unacceptable? Why?

27NO. Coach believes it is important to be on time. Time is precious and not

showing up on time is thought to be disrespectful of the coach and the coach’s time.

2. A player is asked to meet with the team training staff to discuss

injury rehabilitation after practice. Rather than go right from the practice field to the training room she changes her clothes, takes a shower, gets into a heated 15-minute fight with her boyfriend outside the locker room, makes two cell phone calls. She then heads to the training table; thinking when she returns to the training room the trainer will be waiting for her. Is this behavior acceptable or unacceptable? Why?

NO. To make the trainer wait is selfish behavior. Being late tells the trainer

that your time is more important then their time. 3. A student waltzes into class 10 minutes after class has begun,

disrupting every person in the class. She then proceeds to pull out the school paper and read it during the lecture. Is this behavior acceptable or unacceptable? Why?

NO. This is a double whammy display of disrespect toward the teacher and

the other students. 4. Your boyfriend says he will pick you up at 7:15 p.m. for a 7:30

movie, despite the fact that he knows you love to watch the previews. Is this behavior acceptable or unacceptable? Why?

NO. Unless you can get to the movie on time. HOWEVER, fifteen minutes is

usually not enough time to get to the movie theater. He ought to be more considerate of your feelings. Your boyfriend made you a promise when he and you started to date. In our society we believe that relationships are about care, empathy, and respect. When our significant other shows little care for our wants he shows little respect for us. By showing up late to the theater he is disrespecting his promise to you to regard your feelings with the care and attention one needs in a strong relationship.

5. You have a scheduled meeting with your math tutor at 1:00

p.m. He/she comes in to the library at 1:15, wasting 15 minutes of your scheduled hour. Is this behavior acceptable or unacceptable? Why?

NO. The tutor should respect your time also.

Of course, the correct answer to each scenario is that the behaviors are UNACCEPTABLE; however, chances are that the athletes will throw out excuses or rationalizations for each answer. Clearly, missing a meeting with coach carries heavier consequences than a “date”, perhaps. However, athletes should understand the principle is the same throughout. Take time to discuss why one may be acceptable while the other is not. Many times the severity of the crime, so to speak, depends on the consequences. Should the students learn to gauge their behavior by the consequences they face in failing, or should they learn to do what is right, no matter the consequence? Additionally, many young women believe their time is more precious than another person’s time. Again, this is not honorable behavior. Remember the principle: Do to others as you would have done to you.

28Ask: Would any of these scenarios be acceptable if the tables were turned and you were not the one affected by another person’s disrespect? If the women claim any one of the five scenarios are acceptable (for example, perhaps they do not prefer to watch the movie previews and do not see the big deal in missing them), then focus on the principle and make sure they understand why each of the options are really unacceptable. Each scenario violates the principle of respect. Discuss the notions of respect and responsibility in the form of punctuality and the possible consequences of arriving late to a scheduled meeting. Certainly the students must understand wasting another’s time and bringing a newspaper to class are both disrespectful and unacceptable behaviors. It may be helpful to discuss the idea of athletes living in a fishbowl. Those who stroll into class late are not only acting dishonorably, but also are making a statement about themselves and their team. They and their teammates are supposed to be leaders on campus who set the standard, not act in a disrespectful manner. Punctuality is especially important in the classroom and at team meetings, for these are times when important information is relayed. Academically, students may miss important information about class cancellations, assignment due dates, dates of quizzes, or introductions to guest lecturers. Athletically, they may miss information about meeting times, meeting places, or crucial directions. For next time: Answer the following questions with a short sentence or paragraph:

1. What does it mean to be late for a scheduled meeting? 2. How does it make me feel when others are late for a meeting

with me? 3. How does punctuality relate to being a “Woman of Character?”

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PART III: SEX AND CHARACTER

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LESSON 9: RECREATIONAL SEX – THE PROBLEMS Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to challenge women to reach a higher plane of reasoning in a society that promotes recreational sex as an acceptable pastime. The obvious problems of recreational sex are disease and unwanted pregnancy; the less obvious and more important problem of recreational sex is how it indicates a lack of character. Each individual should be respectful of her own identity and respectful of her and her partner’s sexuality. You have a very good resource on your campus: Health instructors or medical personnel at the student health center who can help disseminate this information with pictures and diagrams that bring this point home rather quickly. Ask: What is recreational sex or casual sex, also known as “hooking up”?12 Let the students respond and note their responses on the board. Keep them focused on the seriousness of the issue at hand. Read the following:

A recent study 1000 college women shows social dating has practically disappeared from college campuses. Kate Kennedy of the Independent Women's Forum explained, ‘There is no dating scene on college campus anymore. It's an incredibly loose and free for all and an uncommitted culture that everyone is involved in.’ Dating has now been replaced with ‘hooking-up,’ a term students use to describe any type of physical encounter, from kissing to sexual intercourse. Kennedy further states, ‘On many college campuses it's an intentionally vague term. They kind of find comfort and cover in the fact that it's so mysterious so that you can say, ‘Oh yeah we hooked up last night,’ and yet you're not totally responsible for your actions because nobody really knows what you did.’13

Hooking up can be defined as a variety of sexual activity, a broad spectrum of encounters ranging from kissing to sexual intercourse. Kennedy says, ''With hooking up, it's just sex. There's a widely held campus rule that there won't be a relationship.''14 Ask: How often would you guess the average college age student has casual sex? The answer to this varies, and surveys tend not to give us “mistake proof” information, but the study cited above states that casual sex in females on college campuses runs probably in the range of 79 percent. Ask: What character and social issues arise from casual sex?15

12 http://www.avert.org/casual-sex.htm 13 Ibid. 14 http://center.americanvalues.org/?p=15 15 http://www.americanvalues.org/html/campus_romance_unrequited.html

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Let the students respond. Obviously, the first and foremost problem is the issue of disease. Previous studies show that 50 percent of young people with more than three sexual partners a year have contracted sexually transmitted diseases and 40 percent of sexually active adolescent females in a large American city have the venereal diseases Chlamydia or gonorrhea. 16 Ask: Can you describe the following diseases?17 A. Chlamydia: A venereal disease that causes infertility, terrible pelvic infections, horrible urinary symptoms, joint pains, a sore throat, a cough, heart attacks and even death. B. Gonorrhea: Gonorrhea is a curable sexually transmitted disease (STD) caused by bacteria called Neisseria gonorrhea. These bacteria can infect the genital tract, the mouth, and the rectum. In women, the opening to the uterus, the cervix, is the first place of infection. The disease, however, can spread into the uterus and fallopian tubes, resulting in pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). PID affects more than 1 million women in this country every year, can cause infertility in as many as 10 percent of infected women, and result in tubal (ectopic) pregnancy. C. AIDS (HIV): A serious, often fatal disease of the immune system transmitted through blood products, especially by sexual contact or contaminated needles. D. Genital herpes: An infection caused by herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2) that is usually transmitted by sexual contact; marked by recurrent attacks of painful eruptions on the skin and mucous membranes of the genital area E. Genital warts (HPV): A sexually transmitted infection that causes genital warts and cervical lesions, and is thought to be responsible for most cases of cervical cancer; women whose HPV infections persist over time are thought to be at the greatest risk for cancer. F. Hepatitis B: An acute, sometimes fatal form of viral hepatitis caused by a DNA virus that tends to persist in the blood serum. It is transmitted by sexual contact, transfusion or ingestion of contaminated blood or other bodily fluids. G. Crab lice: Crab lice are small, light-brown, flat, pinhead insects that infest pubic hair. They attach their eggs (nits) onto pubic hair and feed on a person's tiny blood vessels. If you have crab lice, you will have little red sores and itching in the pubic area. H. Syphilis: A common venereal disease caused by the Treponema pallidum spirochete. Symptoms change through progressive stages and can be congenital (transmitted through the placenta). This serious disease can lead to insanity or death. The symptoms can resemble those of other diseases, which can make diagnosis difficult. I. Trichomoniasis: Infection in men generally produces no symptoms (occasionally there is penile discharge and/or burning during urination). Half of infected women may also experience no symptoms (but left untreated, the infection can progress to pelvic inflammatory disease). Women's symptoms include vaginal itching, profuse yellowish-green vaginal discharge, redness of the vulva and/or vagina, painful intercourse, abdominal pain, and painful urination. Symptoms occur 4-28 days after infection.

16 http://www.drmirkin.com/ 17 Ibid.

32Say: The obvious problems should scare you into considering and reconsidering participating in recreational or casual sex. For next time: Consider the moral ramifications of casual sex for you and for the man involved.

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LESSON 10: RECREATIONAL SEX – THE MORAL PROBLEMS Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to challenge the athlete to a higher plane of reasoning about casual sex, or” hooking at the hip.” From last time: We asked you to consider the moral ramifications of casual sex for you and for the man involved. Ask: What moral character issues exist through the practice of casual sex, “hooking up at the hip,” or recreational sex? Answer this question from a secular point of view. Obviously, many of the great religions denounce casual sex, but for today, answer the question without referring to a spiritual or religious philosophy. (Of course, the player’s religion and spirituality will come into play to answer the question, but we also want to stress the importance of developing a strong personal philosophy that takes into consideration the moral issue in relationship to men). Ask: Why would a woman of character be hesitant and choose not to have recreational sex? Obviously, not to get disease, but what issues of character arise here? Let the women respond. Call on several of them, letting them talk through this issue. Some of the problems with casual sex are the lack of appreciation for the body, lack of self-respect, lack of commitment and lack of sexual responsibility. Sometimes women get into a position of seeking sex as a means of gaining power over men. Here is an opportune time to discuss Baseball Annies – women who throw hotel keys, bras, panties, and other personal belongings at professional or college players. These women go from man to man with little thought of the repercussions of such behavior beyond the immediate gratification. Part of the rationale for their behavior is that if men can have numerous partners, then why shouldn’t women? Ask: Should women be able to have as many hook ups with men as men do with women? Tell the story of Claudia, the wife of Claudius, Emperor of Rome. Claudia was a beautiful woman who prided herself on being able to serve several men at one time. It was rumored that she would have contests with other women to see how many men could be serviced at one time. She would win with up to 27 men at one session. Also, discuss the impact of professional players who bragged about their casual sex. For example, Wilt Chamberlain (for information on Chamberlain see endnote)18:

18 "The most dominant athlete in any sport in this country in its history," said Al Meltzer, a longtime Philadelphia sports broadcaster. "Nobody dominated their sport like he dominated his. [In talking about Wilt Chamberlain]” Chamberlain, a 7 foot +, 300 pound athletic machine is comparable to all-time greats such as: Bill Russell, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Oscar Robertson. Over the span of a 14 year career, Chamberlain amassed 31,419 points and 23,924 rebounds. In 11 of his 14 years he led the NBA in total rebounds and during his 1961-62

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In his 1991 biography A View From Above, Chamberlain devoted an entire chapter to sex. He said that if he had to count his sexual encounters, he would be closing in on 20,000 women. ‘Yes, that’s correct, twenty thousand different ladies, ’he wrote. ‘At my age, that equals out to having sex with 1.2 women a day, every day since I was fifteen years old.’19 Arthur Ashe (for information on Ashe see footnote)20 harshly criticized Chamberlain and Magic Johnson, the former Los Angeles Lakers star who announced that he had contracted the AIDS virus months after Chamberlain’s revelation. In his 1993 memoir, Ashe said he didn’t believe Chamberlain’s claim. ‘I felt more pity than sorrow for Wilt as his macho accounting backfired on him in the form of a wave of public criticism,’ Ashe wrote in Days of Grace. The behavior of Chamberlain and Johnson produced “a certain amount of racial embarrassment,” Ashe wrote. ‘African-Americans have spent decades denying that we are sexual primitives by nature, as racists have argued since the days of slavery,’ Ashe wrote. ‘These two college-trained black men of international fame and immense personal wealth do their best to reinforce the stereotype.’

season he averaged 50.4 points per game. In fact, in a single game, Chamberlain scored 100 points to which he credited his teammates. "It would have been impossible to score this many if they hadn't kept feeding me," Chamberlain said. Over the years Chamberlain not only set scoring and rebounding records, he even at one point led the league in assists during the 1967-68 season. Chamberlain was, as many said, " […] one of the greatest ever, and we will never see another one like him." -- Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. See website: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/classic/bio/news/story?page=Chamberlain_Wilt 19 http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/classic/bio/news/story?page=Chamberlain_Wilt 20 One of the most prominent players of his time, Arthur Ashe stood out not only from the tennis courts on which he played, but in society as a human being one would wish to emulate. Ashe, the first male black athlete to break the color barrier in tennis also became the first black male to win the Wimbledon (1975), the U.S. Open (1968), and the only African-American to earn the coveted number #1 ranking in the world. Over Ashe’s 10 year career he won three Grand Slam singles titles as well as totaling over 800 career victories, but much more then his win-loss record Ashe wanted to be remembered for his accomplishments off the courts. Ashe knew his athletic accomplishments offered him a platform from which great humanitarian deeds could be performed and achieve them he did. Ashe the activist, along with several other athletes began the Association of Tennis Professionals. He raised the world’s awareness to South Africa’s apartheid government by calling for the expulsion of South Africa from the tennis tour after being denied entry due to the color of his skin. Lastly, after Ashe was diagnosed with the HIV-virus from a tainted blood transfusion he was also able to raise the world’s awareness of the disease past paranoia. Arthur Ashe was a great athlete and an even greater man. He understood life was about what one could give back, “From what we get, we can make a living; what we give, however, makes a life.” –Arthur Ashe See website: http://www.cmgww.com/sports/ashe/about/bio.htm

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Johnson has said he believes he got the AIDS virus by having unprotected sex with a woman who was infected. ‘Before I was married, I truly lived the bachelor’s life,’ he said. ‘I'm no Wilt Chamberlain, but as I traveled around NBA cities, I was never at a loss for female companionship.’21

Ask: What are the moral issues involved in casual or recreational sex? Hopefully the players will find answers such as these:

1. Respect and responsibility to self. 2. Respect and responsibility for the man involved, even if he

doesn’t have personal respect for himself, or the ability to be responsible for his own actions.

Ask: Many women want to have casual sex with “athletes” and men want to have casual sex with female athletes. Why? The answer is usually about power. Women want casual sex to prove they have the power to control men. The answer usually does not have to do with wanting sex because the guy is gorgeous or handsome. Again, bring in a specialist in sexual encounters to discuss this issue of power and the psychological problems of women who have numerous hook ups. Let the women discuss this issue, and you may wish to discuss examples of athletes who were borderline nymphomaniacs – individuals who crave sex with numerous partners.

In 2006, a major ethical issue occurred with the Duke University Lacrosse team and two paid “exotic dancers.” The Lacrosse team was nationally ranked and had a history of run ins with the law, mostly misdemeanor activity. The team decided to have a party and hired two exotic dancers. As I write this, three of the players have been indicted on charges of rape – all of the young people involved will forever be marked by this experience, including the two dancers.

This unfortunate scenario is an excellent example of NOT respecting self and NOT respecting women. Ask: Even if the woman is a “paid” exotic dancer, what responsibility do you have to her? For next time: What are the ramifications of a pregnancy through casual sex?

21 Ibid.

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LESSON 11: SEX AND MOTHERHOOD Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss the ramifications of sex and motherhood. What is a woman’s responsibility if casual sex results in a pregnancy? Or for that matter, what is a woman’s responsibility if pregnancy occurs and there is a relationship? We recommend a counselor be invited in to discuss this issue, specifically someone who promotes responsible behavior. From last time: What are the ramifications of a pregnancy through casual sex? We’ve discussed the problems of recreational sex including disease and the issues of character. Today we are going to discuss responsibility when recreational sex results in pregnancy. Let us assume that you have casual sex and you become pregnant. You know who the father is, but when you tell him, he denies that the child is his. Ask: At this point, what decisions must you make? Direct the question at different students. Ask: What is your moral responsibility? Listen to their answers. Moral responsibility here lies in three different venues:

1. How do you care for yourself? 2. What questions must you address considering the unborn

fetus? 3. What is your moral responsibility to the father?

Ask: What moral responsibility do you owe to yourself? Direct the answer to at least three different players. Many times, the woman is so stressed about the pregnancy that she has difficulty making good decisions about her own health care. At this juncture in her life, she needs counseling and the counselor must be competent. On your campus as well in your community, there will be numerous outreach organizations that can help with the psychological health needs of the pregnant woman. No woman should be in the position of bearing the huge responsibility of making good health care decisions for herself at this time without love and counseling. Develop a portfolio plan of action for counseling for this potential issue, and have that folio and/or portfolio available in a place where the players have free access to it without recrimination. Also, whether the woman decides on abortion, adoption, or raising the child, she needs to learn about the many different services that exist in your community to help her with her health care needs through this time of crisis – and crisis it is. Ask: Why would we be using the terminology “crisis” during this pregnancy? Ask several students to define the meaning of crisis. Often crisis can refer to a disaster, but in this case the definition of dilemma or predicament fits the situation at hand. Being pregnant is a health care situation which is stressful enough

37 for a woman with a loving husband to support her in the best of times. During the early months of a pregnancy, the physical changes in the female body range from morning sickness to all day sickness for that matter (typically nausea); from mild upset stomach to raging vomiting; between a few moments a day to all day long. Also, women need vitamin supplements and blood tests to watch for any life threatening conditions, which is probably minimal health care during pregnancy. The most important issue here is good health care for both the fetus and the mother. A pregnancy without family support or a husband’s support is highly stressful, physically as well as emotionally, for the female. Thus, it is wise to seek both psychological and physical professional health services. Again, call in your mental health team on campus to discuss the support services available. Ask: What are the social services available to help with health care during this pregnancy crisis? Ask several women. It is always interesting to me how little students in general know about services that are available on campus. All of these health services are confidential and accessible to students. The individuals employed by these groups are there to help individuals through crisis. They have been educated and trained to give the support and information necessary to help each woman make the best decision in this individual and highly personal experience. The social services on campus will also have psychological support if a student chooses abortion. It is imperative that she receive the counseling necessary to help her make such a difficult choice, which could have life-long, negative psychological consequences. Many women choose abortion without the benefit of counseling. Many states require counseling before abortion, which is sometimes either too brief or too incomplete. Again, bring in a pregnancy counselor to discuss these issues and give the students first hand knowledge about psychological and health care support services at hand should pregnancy occur. For next time: What are the legal responsibilities of the man in a pregnancy?

38

LESSON 12: HONORABLE WOMANHOOD AND MOTHERHOOD

Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to begin a long-term discussion about the responsibilities of being a woman of character in a difficult situation. Bring in a social worker or a counselor who works with unwed parents to help in discussing this issue. Ask: Do any of you know what the legal responsibilities of the male are in a pregnancy? Many women do not seek legal action to force the man to be legally responsible. They do not want him in their lives (the child and mother), or do not want the hassle of having to establish legal paternity. However, to not seek legal paternity is to give up any future financial support for the child from the father’s income. By doing this, these women decide whether or not to permit the father to have a relationship with the child – and the child to have a relationship with the father. Ask: What is the father’s legal responsibility? Listen to their responses and offer the following information. Legal responsibility means that the father, by law, must help to support the child until he or she reaches adulthood. When the court establishes paternity, the father is henceforth responsible for and a part of that child’s life. Ask: How does one establish paternity? Ask several women and note their responses. Paternity is established by bringing suit against the father. A woman will first have to hire an attorney. Through the legal suit, a man will be forced by the court to have a mucous smear taken to establish whether he is the father. It would be good strategy to bring in an attorney to discuss the meaning of all of this for the students. There is probably an athletic booster who is an attorney and would be willing to discuss this issue with the women at no financial cost. Unfortunately in today’s society many men refuse to accept the responsibility of fatherhood. At the same time, many women don’t want the father in the child’s life. Read below:22

Our culture has transformed the standard image of fatherhood from the revered Father Knows Best persona to the idiotic, irrelevant Homer Simpson of The Simpsons cartoon family. Feminists and some of the culturally chic have declared the role of father unnecessary; they're merely sperm donors. But broken children and the social science statistics suggest otherwise. Psychologist Paul C. Vitz' new book, Faith of the Fatherless, traces

22 http://www.leaderu.com/focus/fathers00.html

39

the pattern of paternal influence (or lack thereof) in such notably bitter men as Karl Marx and Sigmund Freud. It's been said, ‘Anyone can be a father; it takes a man to be a dad.’ Sadly, many men are not ‘showing up at game time.’ The May 4, 1998, cover of Sports Illustrated (SI) featured a little boy asking, ‘Where's Daddy?’ CNN/SI's Web page reported: Among professional athletes, out-of-wedlock births are epidemic. ... According to SI, one of the NBA's top agents says he spends more time dealing with paternity claims than he does negotiating contracts. The agent tells the magazine that there might be more kids out of wedlock than there are players in the NBA. According to Sports Illustrated, Larry Johnson of the Knicks is supporting five children by four women, including two he has with his wife, and Shawn Kemp of the Cavaliers, who is not married, has fathered seven children. 23 Other NBA players who have been the subject of paternity-related lawsuits include Patrick Ewing, Juwan Howard, Scottie Pippen, Jason Kidd, Stephon Marbury, Hakeem Olajuwon and Gary Payton, as well as Larry Bird, who is now a vice president in the Pacers organization, and current NBC game analyst Isaiah Thomas. This neglect is not isolated to famous sports heroes. Nearly one-third of all children in this country are born to unwed mothers. The social science data strongly suggests that fatherlessness is having a critical impact on our personal and public lives. In response, grassroots efforts to promote responsible fatherhood, like the National Fatherhood Initiative, are springing up.24

Discuss the above with the athletes. What are the issues here when men refuse any commitment? What does this mean for:

1. The children who are fathered? How would one feel as a human being to be so casually created and so casually forgotten? What are the ramifications for the child?

2. You as the mother? What effect has all of this on your

humanity? Consider how it would feel to be alone through a pregnancy. Consider what it would mean to know that you are only one sperm receiver in a long line of sperm receivers, about whom the male has no concern whatsoever. You are nothing more than a receptacle, easily used and easily discarded.

Ask several players each of the questions above. Let them think and discuss the ramifications. For next time: What are the long-term legal responsibilities of out of wedlock children?

23 http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/features/1998/weekly/980504/insidelook.html 24 http://www.leaderu.com/focus/fathers00.html

40

LESSON 13: HONORABLE MOTHERHOOD Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to begin a long-term discussion of the responsibilities that lie in being a woman of character in a difficult situation. Bring in an attorney or social worker to help with the issues involved in these lessons. Ask: Have you thought about what the long-term legal responsibilities are for out of wedlock children? Ask several women. Perhaps a few of them had classes in high school where they had to care for a computer programmed baby. The purpose of these parenting classes is to help teenagers understand the demand of caring for a child, the stresses of raising children, the stresses of night feedings, diaper changing, and so forth. Unfortunately, many young women have no comprehension of the psychological and emotional demands of raising children. A social worker could be very helpful in this discussion. Ask: What are the demands of raising children? Hopefully they will give caring responses like those found in the following poem from Leadership U.25

What it takes to be a Parent Read to your children. Keep your promises.

Let your children help with household projects. Spend time one-on-one with each child.

Tell your children about your own childhood. Go to the zoo, museums, ballgames as a family.

Set a good example. Use good manners.

Help your children with their homework. Show your children lots of warmth and affection.

Set clear, consistent limits. Consider how your decisions will affect your children.

Listen to your children. Know your children's friends. Take your children to work.

Open a savings account for college education. Resolve conflicts quickly.

Take your children to your place of worship. Make a kite together.

Fly a kite together. You get the idea.

Ask: Let us assume that the athlete has found a lawyer, sued the father of the child, and won child support. What next?

25 http://www.leaderu.com/common/initiative.html

41 Ask several students. If the father refuses to become involved, then the state intercedes and support is demanded. The father must pay for food, shelter, and clothing as mandated by the state once paternity is established. The amount settled on for child support can change if either party’s financial situation changes. Below is a true story:

Jim was an offensive lineman at X University. He met Jill, courted her, and married her. As they finished college, Jim was drafted to play pro ball. Jill and Jim had a pretty good life, though Jim never really made it in the pros. He was cut after a few weeks. He picked up a job as a GA for a college in Nevada and his salary was less than $30,000 a year. Jim and Jill had a baby girl, but as is the reality of many coach’s lives, Jim was hardly ever home. He left at 7 a.m. and didn’t return until after 11 p.m. daily. Jill filed for divorce and Jim was to pay 20 percent of his salary toward child support for the baby. That worked out to $6,000 a year, or $500 a month, which he paid on time every month. As the football gods would have it, Jim moved from coaching job to coaching job. He seldom saw the baby, but he sent his support money. At the third coaching job, Jim met Molly. They married and had two children. Jim kept moving from state to state to different jobs Within 10 years, he was a head coach at a Division-I school and was making about $500,000 a year. He never considered changing his support payments to Jill for his daughter, who still received $500 a month.

Ask: Should Jim have increased his support for the child he had with Jill? Let the women respond and note their answers.

In reality, Jill caught up with Jim in the current state where he resided and the original court order from Nevada still held. Jim was declared legally responsible to pay 20 percent of his current salary as well as back payment for the years he underpaid child support. The court demanded payment. Jim and Molly were shocked. Twenty percent of $500,000 is $100,000 or about $8,333 per month, plus the back pay. Jill, however, was elated that her child by Jim could have the same benefits as his child by Molly. Jim and Jill’s child should be treated the same as Jim and Molly’s child.

For next time: What is honorable behavior regarding out of wedlock child support?

42

LESSON 14: HONOR AND OUT OF WEDLOCK SUPPORT Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss moral responsibility of a woman who finds herself having a child out of wedlock. Even though in this day and age many women have children out of wedlock, such cases are very difficult. This lesson continues with the discussion of issues related to pregnancy and childbirth out of wedlock. A family pastor or individual involved in family support would be a good discussion leader for this subject. From last time: We discussed the financial constraints and legal responsibility of motherhood. Motherhood is an awesome responsibility, but many times women with children don’t have the funds to support them. What services are available on this campus and in this community to help females with little ones? Note the students’ answers. Below is a scenario to be discussed: Let us suppose that Laurie is the mother of a newborn. She and the child’s father, Kevin, are not married, but Kevin is trying to do the right thing. Laurie refuses to get married until she is sure that Kevin wants to marry her because he loves her, not because he feels responsible for the baby. Unfortunately, Kevin has little money and Laurie is not able to work. Kevin is trying to support her and the baby, but he just doesn’t have the funds. What support or state resources are available to help Laurie and Kevin care for the baby? Let the women respond. Again, a social services professional on campus would be a very good resource for this lesson. Make sure to bring someone from such a program to discuss this issue with the players. WIC – Women, Infant, and Children program – by the Federal Government is also a good source.26 What specific support services are available on campus for: A. Psychological support in child bearing and in raising a child B. Child care services C. Health care services for mother and child Develop a bank of support information in the athletic department, athletic support services, and coaches’ offices. What is interesting about students is that many of them will not seek support for fear of reprisal or judgment. As long as you discuss these issues frankly and openly, the players will come to you first if and when they need support. As human beings, we tend not to want to tell strangers our problems. We do not have a built in trust with strangers; rather, the opposite is true. From our earliest education, we are warned against talking to strangers. Then, in the most difficult of situations, a woman is to confide in a stranger for psychological support.

On our campus we recently had an athlete shot and murdered. He was a well liked young man with numerous friends in the athletic community, including, but not limited to, his teammates. The university provided psychological and grief support, but NO athletes went to counseling. Not one. I believe much had to do

26 http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/

43with how the support was offered. Counseling Service representatives and the Dean of Students came to the athletic facility and stayed in an office out of the main stream. No discussion was held with the teams as units. No coach brought the counselors in to discuss the nature of counseling and why it was important. No personal relationships were built between the counselors and the coaches and thus the players.

As you know, athletic departments are often closed communities with little outside contact. Athletes tend to have all of their friends within this community. They tend to be leery of outsiders. Coaches are no different. Why? Because athletes and coaches are human beings with the same foibles as any other population. Considering the nature of athletics, it is no surprise that our athletes chose not to seek counseling. HOWEVER, it is not possible that none of the athletes needed grief counseling and psychological support. Know that life traumas such as pregnancy out of wedlock demand much emotional, psychological, and medical care. On the list of highly stressful life burdens, pregnancy ranks high and out of wedlock ranks higher. The more the women understand that you will not incriminate, judge, or punish - but rather offer open support - the more they will trust and confide in you. The sooner you can get them health care, the sooner they will be able to make good decisions which will positively affect their futures. It is often argued that college ball is about business. The old adage, “It’s not personal, it’s just business.” is, as my old mother used to say, “The biggest lie”. Whenever we work with other human beings we have a responsibility of care. Coaching and being involved in young people’s lives demand a higher order of care – human care and love. Again, bring in someone to discuss both this issue and the services that are available on campus. Openly show your students that you value these services and that you have contacts on campus that can help them. For next time: How would you feel if you were a child who was unwanted by his father?

44

LESSON 15: IRRESPONSIBLE SEX, UNWANTED CHILDREN Purpose: This lesson will focus on what is known in the study of ethics as reversibility. The task is to initiate discussion focusing on the damage that is done when irresponsible sex results in a child unwanted by at least one parent. From last time: How would you feel if you were a child who was unwanted by his father? Say: In these times of instant gratification and recreational sex, often little thought is given to the long-range ramifications.

Let’s assume that Laurie has been busy enjoying the bachelorette life – from her perspective she is young and wants to have fun. Laurie had fun with Kevin one night after a party and became pregnant. After deliberation she chose not to abort and to have the baby. She told Kevin, who said that he did not believe the child was his. Laurie gave birth and then filed paternity charges – which Kevin fought – but Kevin was found to be the father. He doesn’t want the child. He’s not interested. He has some money and he pays support. However, he could care less about the result of his seed being planted; about Laurie, the baby, and the stress they experience living as a single parent family.

All of this sounds familiar. It’s happened numerous times. Laurie had a casual sex partner with whom she had a child. Suppose you were that child, and as you grew up, you found out that your father could care less about you. Ask these questions: 1. How would you feel? Let the students think about the question and then call on them. There may be women in the room who really are an example of this dilemma. Let them talk. 2. What is the psychological effect on a child without a father? Ask the students and choose a few of them to talk about this situation. One of the very sad conclusions that has occurred in this country is that men are not needed except to pay the bills. Women can choose to have babies and raise them alone. However, such thinking tends toward instant gratification and a loss of respect for fatherhood. Below find important information on what is known about psychological effects on fatherless children. Research data:

A general conclusion from many studies is that a father’s absence can cause adverse effects in boys, particularly if it occurs before age 5. Boys show poor school performance, poor relationships with peers, problems with impulse control, and have a variety of adjustment issues. The effects of a father’s absence show up later

45 for girls. Adolescent girls have difficulty in establishing relationships with other males.27 Society has not supported fatherhood. Rather, the legal system supports motherhood and children are placed with mothers first. Also, fathers are seen only as money sources and not as sources of emotional support they should be providing for the development of their children. Children need both parents. CARING and HONORABLE women and men are necessary and badly needed.28

Below find yearly data on unwanted pregnancies that resulted in abortion. The following chart lists pregnancy and abortion rates for married and unmarried women. National abortion data for years since 2000 are scarce. 29 The following information comes from the CDC’s abortion surveillance report. On a yearly basis:30

Year Total Abortions Married Unmarried

Total % Total % 2003 848,163 151,821 17.9 696,342 82.1 2002 854,122 154,596 18.1 699,526 81.9 2001 853,485 157,041 18.4 696,444 81.6 2000 857,475 160,348 18.7 697,127 81.3 1999 861,789 165,463 19.2 696,326 80.8 1998 884,273 167,128 18.9 717,145 81.1 1997 1,186,039 225,347 19.0 960,692 81.0 1996 1,225,937 240,284 19.6 985,653 80.4 1995 1,210,883 238,544 19.7 972,339 80.3

Ask: What strategies are you going to practice to safeguard against dishonorable sexual behavior? Let the women respond. Hopefully, they will begin to think about their behavior in relation to the consequences, not only from the perspective of disease, but also from the perspective of the relationship and the potentially fatherless child. The concept of valuing self and being honorable in sexual activity may seem strange to some of these young women. They don’t live in a world that values honorable male and female behavior. They live in a media-influenced society in which “pleasure” drives decision making. Without preaching to the young women, have an open and frank discussion about being selective about men and recreational sex. The concept of “hooking up” may sound terribly sexy, but surely there is more to life than a series of one night stands. Women should take into consideration the importance of looking for honorable men and avoid “hooking up”. People who have one night stands rather than committed relationships 27 http://www.ancpr.org/effects_of_fatherlessness_on_chi.htm 28 http://www.fnf.org.uk/publications-and-resources/articles/renegotiating-fatherhood 29 Site not available 30 Abortion Surveillance – United States, 2003. November 26, 2004 http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/ss5511a1.htm?s_cid=ss5511a1_e#tab11

46 live in a lonely world – a world filled with heartache. Uncommitted sexual activity provides instant gratification but little love. Consider your actions. Ask: What are some of the strategies you can use to prevent one night stands and “hooking up”? One million fatherless children. What does it feel like to be unwanted? For next time: What actions are not actions of role models?

47

LESSON 16: HONORING SELF Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss setting standards for oneself, especially regarding fashion. From last time: What actions are not actions of role models? In today’s society, the concept of honoring women appears to be “old-fashioned.” Two separate and distinct social images are overpowering the “old-fashioned” way of honoring women: (1) Blatant Sexuality and (2) Radical Feminism (to be discussed in the next lesson). Blatant Sexuality

From the moment you get up in the morning until you climb into bed at night, you are bombarded with sexual images and messages. As healthy women, it is expected that you too should parrot the media’s perception of ‘sexy.’ The images never cease to be there to inform you that sex is expected and sex should be easily given. The image of what is sexy is wearing thongs, bare midriff tops, low rider pants, plunging necklines, thigh high skirts, and 4 inch heels.31

The concept is to show it, flaunt it, and seek sex whenever and wherever with whomever. These images portray that sex is available, sex is recreational, and sex demands no commitment. We have discussed the problem with this philosophy during our previous classes. Ask: The dilemma then becomes how to develop strategies to honor self in the midst of a “sexual” society in which most of these behaviors, dress codes, and actions are illogical and unhealthy. To be truthful, just how comfortable is a thong? The students will laugh about this question but the point is well taken. If you are an active female and try to wear a thong, the thong goes places where every move causes irritation. Let the players discuss this issue. There may be some women who can wear them comfortably, but the reality is that few women can. Ask: How comfortable are four inch heels? Ask the women to discuss shoe styles. What is comfortable? Why? How long can you wear high heels? Very few women can wear four inch heels for any length of time – if at all! Few young women realize that permanent long-term foot injury can occur from wearing high heels. Many women in their 40s and 50s suffer from neuratomos – inflamed nerves and stress fractures resulting from pointed toe shoes, high heels, and inc0rrect fitting shoes. Consider that most shoes are designed by men, who never wear high heels. In selecting shoes, consider selecting ones with either open or wide toes and lower heels. Ask: How attractive is it to see a woman with low rider jeans bend over and see her butt crevice protruding?

31 Some of the material in this paragraph comes directly from Christian Advice Network. See: http://www.christianadvice.net/

48 Ask the women to discuss what it look likes to see women with their butts hanging out. The problem today is that dress styles are not about being modest, honoring self or even helping one be attractive without being, as my students say, “slutty” or cheap. Another social phenomenon regarding men occurs because of “sexy,” “hot” clothing. Not all men are honorable. When women dress to be “sexy,” they don’t make the jump in reasoning that these clothes say “I’m easy.” Rather, their logic tends to be, “This is fashionable. And this makes me look great.” Women get their notion of style from fashion designers, models, Hollywood stars, television, and the print media. What is fashionable is what is current. What looks best has much to do with the old adage, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” Ask: When does sexy clothing become erotic clothing? Ask several women this question. The word “erotic” means arousing sexual desire. This is a difficult line of discussion for women because what is erotic is again a personal perspective. And what is erotic to one individual is not erotic to another. It is also true that some conservative groups believe that women lure men with erotic clothing, although a woman might not consider her apparel to be erotic at all. Consider the fashion and moral perspective of women in history before the mid 20th century. If a woman wore a skirt that showed an ankle she was considered loose and “asking” for men to paw her. In many rape trials throughout history, the defense has argued that women “asked” for it because of the clothes that they wore. All these notions are unacceptable; women cannot be responsible for the dishonorable action of men. However, there is a line to consider “uncrossable” when dealing with clothing. We used to use the word “modesty” to describe a specific type of clothing. Ask: What is immodesty? Ask the women. They will struggle with this question. Immodesty means different things to different people. Each woman must use her own judgment and decide what it means to her. However, all women should make this decision based on their perspective in relation to their principles and society’s perception of decency and modesty. The tricky part here is that society gives us NO consistent standard or clear notion of modesty – consider Jennifer Lopez’s green dress at the Oscars a few years ago. The dress accentuated her breasts and her lower abdomen. It was slit in a form of a V and barely covered both nipples. She may be well respected by young women today, but her dress gave no standard of modesty. Hence, the dilemma that no societal standard exists to help give direction as to what is considered modest. However, this doesn’t mean that society gives complete freedom for women to wear whatever or nothing at all. If a woman chooses to go nude, she will be arrested for immodest behavior. And, if one chooses to go nude for long periods of time, one will be institutionalized for being insane. Interestingly, the controversial green dress that Jennifer Lopez wore to the Oscars was a fashion faux pas for her. In a later interview she claimed that the dress choice was not her choice but her publicist’s, who thought the dress would make a statement. “J Lo” said that it made a statement but not one she wished for her preteen audience. She later fired the

49 publicist and went back to her own style which she based on both what she thought looked best on her and was acceptable for her as a role model for her preteen fans. Ask: Considering your place and position as a role model for young girls, do you think you have a responsibility to dress modestly? Ask several students. Ask: What does it mean to be a role model? Ask several different students. In the NBA, the former standout player Charles Barkley argued that he wasn’t a role model and should not be one. Karl Malone argued that every player in the NBA was a role model whether he wanted to be or not. A role model is an individual who others want to emulate, or be like. Michael Jordan’s advertising group made millions for Jordan with the slogan, “Be like Mike.” It sold millions of Jordan’s jerseys and sneakers. In women’s soccer, Mia Hamm has been a role model of millions of young girls because Mia has that certain something about her – little soccer girls want to “Be like Mia.” Ask: What strategies will you use to be a role model in dress and action for others around you? Ask several women and let them discuss their perspectives. The problem is not unique to this era. Honorable women throughout the ages have had to cope with society’s notion of “sins of the flesh;” both their own and the men’s around them. The problem here is dressing to be attractive and stylish while knowing where the line is drawn regarding modesty. Know what is acceptable and what is not. Know what good taste is and what is not. Know what is offensive and what is not. Know what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Ask: What standard do you consider to be in good taste regarding the following articles of clothing:

1. Blouse/shirt: What should it cover? 2. Skirt: How low on the hip? How high a hemline? 3. Pants/jeans: How low on the hip? 4. Shorts: How low on the hip? How short is too short?

Purchasing clothes that cover the body is a current problem. One of my TAs noted that it was almost impossible to purchase a pair of jeans that did not ride down and expose her “butt crack” when she bent over. She laughed about it. I asked if she thought it was uncomfortable. She replied, “Yes. It’s disgusting.” These points all have to do with having maturity and control over self and honoring self as described in this lesson. The problem is as old as society. Saint Paul wrote about these same

50 problems in Romans, Chapter VII.32 If a saint has problems, you can bet you will too. St. Paul argued that he needed help, and he found it through his faith. You have a great burden to find decent clothing that is still fashionable. For next time: How should men honor women?

32 http://www.genesis.net.au/~bible/kjv/romans/

51

LESSON 17: HONORING SELF, PART II Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss setting standards for honorable behavior regarding sexuality and interactions with men. From last time: How should men honor women? In the last lesson, we discussed dress styles and erotic clothing. We will continue this discussion in relation to men and their actions toward women. Honorable sexual behavior today is a foreign concept – foreign if we use the examples that the media presents us. Ask: How should a man treat a woman when dating? Ask the women and begin a discussion. What is acceptable behavior? Interestingly, the whole concept of dating has changed markedly in the last 15 years. Seldom are women asked out on dates; rather, they “hook up” after meeting at a bar or a party. Ask: How often have you been formally asked out on a date? Ask the women. Ask: When you were asked out, were you asked respectfully? Ask them what was said. Interestingly, many women are asked to go to bed more often than they are asked out. And often the words used are offensive and sexually laden, so much so that the women may not know that it is offensive language. Ask: What is the common language used to ask women out? Try to get at the heart of what is actually said to these women. Unfortunately, men often have no role modeling to follow about how to treat a woman or ask her out. The standards of etiquette today barely exist. Ask: How should you, as a woman, be treated by a man? Tell me exactly. Let the students respond. Make note of their responses. Offer the following question. Ask: Is it acceptable for a man to swear at you? Let the students respond. Note this question is not, “Has it happened?” but “Is it acceptable?” Hopefully someone will say that it is not acceptable. Swearing is unacceptable language because it is disrespectful to other humans. It is demeaning and abusive. It does not matter who swears or for what purpose. We sometimes try to justify offensive language with arguments like, “I was angry.” “I needed to let off steam.” “It’s your fault, you made me do it.” None of these arguments hold. If abusive behavior is acceptable at any time, then it is acceptable all the time. This discussion may be difficult because many times coaches swear at players. Parents swear at children. Or, the players themselves swear at others. Remember here, we are not trying to get at “what we do”, but “what we should do” and “what we should accept as honorable behavior from others.” If we permit individuals to abuse us, then the abuse will continue and others will be abused as well.

52 Ask: What is an acceptable philosophy for men regarding their treatment of women? Years ago I was given a poem that may prove helpful in your discussion. It still hangs in my home and I often quote pieces of it to my husband. I am a liberal feminist, and I also believe that males need to understand the importance of the feminine role.

A Woman

A woman was created from the rib of a man. Not from his head to top him,

Or from his feet to be trod upon, But from his side, to be his equal,

From under his arm, to be protected by him, Next to his heart, to be loved by him.

The three key elements here are: to treat equally, to protect, and to love. Ask: What does it mean to be treated equally? Equal: Being equal does not mean being the same. Women and men are different and have different strengths and different weaknesses. To be treated equally means to be respected as you would respect yourself, because respect comes from respect. A man should respect your philosophies, goals, and ideas. He should recognize that you have a brain. He should listen to your ideas and he should make you feel appreciated. He should not be physically or emotionally abusive. He should not call you names. He should never push, shove, or hit you. He should treat you with respect, care, and trust. Ask: What does it mean to be protected? Protected: Men are stronger, usually larger, and more aggressive. Believe it or not, most of us women like men being that way, as long as they are gentlemen. Women want to know that a man will be there to help, to protect, to come to their rescue. Women are still looking for their handsome prince. From a woman’s point of view, “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the handsome prince.” Even though today we are liberated and believe we can do “it all” without men, we still love and want our men to be men – gentle men. Ask: What is it to be loved by a man? Love: What is it to love a girl? The following comes from a Web site where another young man gives advice on how to treat a girl:

Talk with her, not at her. Don't push her, don't boss her around, don't try to make her do anything she does not want to do. Ask her for advice and for her opinions. Let her talk. Don't interrupt. Be a good listener. Be honest. Never lie to her. Be open about your feelings. Apologize for mistakes. Give her space. Don't be a control freak. Remember that she has a professional life as well as other interests. Give her support and let her spend time with other friends. Be sensitive to her problems, help her and show her that you care. Don't compete with her. The two of you have different goals. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man dating a woman who has more education and a more prestigious job. Do fun things together. Don’t bore her. Don't forget to make

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her laugh. Should you meet that special someone and the two of you decide to get married, just remember that nobody is perfect? We can all do better to watch what we say and what we do.33

For next time: Feminism – what are the positive and negative benefits?

33 From Kevin Bernard, http://www.askheartbeat.com/html/body_essay6.html have to be member to access article

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LESSON 18: FEMINISM Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss feminism and understand both the benefits and burdens of the feminist movement. Second order questions will continue. At your institution there will be a feminist study major of some sort. You might want to contact either their office or the women’s center on campus and have a representative discuss these issues with your athletes. From last time: Feminism – what are the positive and negative benefits? Ask: What is feminism? Say: In today’s society, two separate and distinct social images are overpowering the “old-fashioned” way of honoring women: (1) Blatant Sexuality and (2) Radical Feminism. We discussed blatant sexuality last time, and today we will broach the very touchy and difficult subject of radical feminism. In the late 1960s, the current women’s movement was born.34 Why? Basically because women could not go to college, attend graduate school, and study various professions. It was almost impossible for women to either attend law school or study medicine. Women were told that they were either not smart enough or good enough. Title IX was passed in 1968 as an amendment to the Civil Rights Acts of 1963. The purpose of Title IX was to force all institutions that receive federal funds to stop discriminating against women on the basis of gender. The feminist movement and Title IX has caused social change. As with any change, the results are often mixed. Feminism is one of the mixed results that occurred. Ask: What is feminism? Depending on the author and the philosophic interpretation, the definition is difficult to state emphatically. For our purposes, let us say that the goal of feminism was equal rights. Remember that equal rights is not about being treated the same. Under the law, equal rights means that every individual - male and female - has the same opportunities and is treated equitably and with dignity. In this sense, all government agencies must treat men and women equally. "Equal rights" does not mean the same. Otherwise, we would use common bathrooms and common showers. If we were treated the same, there would be no elevators or access for handicapped populations. They would have to climb stairs just like able bodied individuals. The ADA, American Disabilities Act, was one of many major legislative laws passed to guarantee equal access.

34 http://www.encyclopedia.com/topic/feminism.aspx

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Feminism as a political movement affected all aspects of society, education, and culture. In athletics, Title IX is still being contested. When Title IX was passed there was no interpretation of the law’s meaning. Below is Section 86:41a of Title IX, which deals with these issues specifically:

...no person shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, be treated differently from another person or otherwise be discriminated against in any interscholastic, intercollegiate, club, or intramural athletic program offered by a recipient. 35

For almost 25 years debate raged about what the actual words meant. For instance, does the wording of Title IX mean that a university should have the same number of teams for men and women, or the same number of athletes? The courts finally had to decide that the number of athletes meant the same ratio of women to men on campuses. The present debate, thirty years later, has to do with the following question: Do the words “treated differently” apply to coaches’ salaries, training tables, scholarship allotments, recruiting budgets, and so forth? When Title IX was passed, no mention was made as to how it was to be funded. Thus, the question became “Who should fund it?” and “How should it be funded?” Unfortunately, the answer to the funding debate has raged over the issue of the “haves” – revenue producing sports - giving up money to the “have-nots” – non-revenue producing sports. As Martin Luther King, Jr. noted, “We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.”36 For some cultural and mythical reason, football reigns supremely in this country. People pay big bucks to go to games, to see games, and to follow games. However, many people believe that coaches and athletes today have done nothing special to deserve either the accolades they receive or the money that is spent on football. They argue that revenue producing sports benefit from the history and culture of our society. Can the feminist movement change it all? Donna Lopiano of the Women’s Sports Foundation37, which was founded by Billy Jean King, has made heroic efforts to try to change the state of things. Because of their efforts, as well as those of hundreds of thousands of other athletic feminists, more young women participate in competitive sport than ever before. However, the cultural icon of football still reigns and the disparity of funding is still the same. Perhaps the answer lies in more frequent and aggressive marketing of women’s programs, as well as more inventive means of supporting women’s programs, i.e., through a sales tax, attendance tax added to tickets for professional games, or large amateur contests. Unfortunately, Title IX is also used as a club, a weapon for meeting required equality standards. Athletic directors will note that a male team has to be dropped because of Title IX, which presently happens to men’s gymnastic and wrestling teams in the U.S. There may be some truth to this issue, but the greater truth lies in the equitable distribution of available funds. Athletic departments allocate funding dollars. Unfortunately, the market drives the program rather than good decision making. No individual who works in amateur athletics

35 http://www.dol.gov/oasam/regs/statutes/titleix.htm 36 http://www.bartleby.com/66/7/32707.html 37 http://www.womenssportsfoundation.org/cgi-bin/iowa/index.html

56should be making a salary of $1,000,000 – and that is where the problems begin. Numerous coaches in America make such salaries, and most of them have had to develop their own foundations to lessen their tax burden. An interesting paradox is that big coaching salaries ultimately lower the number of sports programs that can be offered. As reality exists today, large salaries will continue to be paid, more men’s programs will be axed, and women will continue to fight for funding for their programs. No matter what our politics or our perspectives on feminism, the women who advocate feminism, or those who call themselves feminists, honorable women have a responsibility to treat all people RESPECTFULLY. At the university level, the students will meet radical feminists, moderate feminists, and everything in between. Ask: What strategies will you practice to be honorable when you meet individuals with whom you may not agree? Let the students respond. Make note of their answers and concerns. Help them develop strategies to deal with the problems they encounter. For next time: What is rape?

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LESSON 19: RAPE Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss the difficult and troubling problems of rape and date rape. Second order questions will continue. At your institution there will be a women’s center on campus that can help you. I strongly suggest that you contact a member of that organization to speak with you and the students about this issue. I also strongly recommend that you spend as much time as necessary on this issue, whether it takes one or ten sessions. From last time: What is rape? You should have a good enough relationship with your students to succinctly and directly ask this question. Rape is defined as when an individual is forced to have sex against his/her will.38 Ask: How many of you know someone who has been raped? This includes date rape. Note the show of hands. There probably will be a number of hands raised. If the statistics that are used to discuss this issue are correct, most women have been sexually abused, if not overtly raped, in their lifetime. Rape is forceful, unwanted sexual penetration of the vagina or anus by a male penis or a foreign object. Women of all ages have been raped, from infants to octogenarians. Ask: What is your plan of action to avoid rape? Realize that, in some cases, no woman can avoid rape. She can be overpowered, drugged, and beaten. No skills in self defense will save her. However, there are many good strategies to follow to avoid rape. Ask: What are some strategies to avoid rape? Let the women suggest the strategies to you. Note how many match those on the list below. Also, have information available for them on self defense classes and other necessary protective measures. Contact your women’s center for more information.

1. Prepare yourself by taking self defense classes at the university. Most institutions and community centers have classes in self defense.

(Note: It would be good policy to actually set up a class in self-defense or find out when one is offered and help the women enroll. Every woman should have the basic knowledge of self-defense.)

38 http://www.wordreference.com/definition/rape

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2. When at parties, control the amount of liquor ingested. Do not get drunk or take drugs.

3. Never have a drink when you don’t know who has poured it. The drink could be laced with a date rape drug.

4. Avoid going home with strangers. Do not get picked up at a party and ride home with an individual you do not know.

5. If you dress provocatively, know that you may attract predators.

6. Avoid walking home alone at night. Other strategies can be found on many anti-rape websites, such as www.diac.com.39 Ask: What is your plan of action if you are raped? The women may be reticent in discussing this issue. It is an embarrassing and troublesome issue. No one wants to have to address this problem. Rape is the vilest of all crimes for women and it is difficult for women to discuss. Strategies include the following:

1. First, contact the police and report the rape. Provide them with an accurate description of the rapist and a detailed description of what happened.

2. Do not destroy any possible evidence. Semen samples may be found on your clothes, bedding, furniture, and other places.

3. Seek medical assistance immediately. Depending on the amount of vaginal tearing and the bruising of tissue, care is necessary to ward off infection. 40

ALWAYS report a rape. You may need to spend more time with the issue of rape. Contact your university’s women’s center and invite a speaker to discuss this issue with your students. Help the students to be cooperative with and receptive to the representatives from the women’s center, which is an important resource on your campus. Do not rush through this section. Take time to discuss this issue. You may find a number of women who have been abused. An ancillary problem is sexual harassment. What is sexual harassment? The women may have experienced it with professors, coaches, and other people in their lives. For next time: What is sexual harassment?

39 http://kidshealth.org/teen/safety/safebasics/rape_what_to_do.html 40 http://familydoctor.org/314.xml

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LESSON 20: SEXUAL HARASSMENT Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss the issue of sexual harassment. Many different forms of harassment occur. All college women should understand the definitions of sexual harassment as well as the strategies and tools to use to combat it. Good outside sources to use for this issue are experts from the Women’s Center, the Health Center, and/or the Dean of Students. From last time: What is sexual harassment? Ask several women for their definitions. Offer the following story:

A few years ago I was with a friend at a bar in a large city. She was having a drink and I was there to enjoy her company. As is the case at many bars, a dance floor was adjacent and music was playing. My friend, an attractive woman but not a “dater”, was approached by a man who asked her for a dance. She declined and then said, “I don’t appreciate being sexually harassed.”

Ask: Would you agree that this is sexual harassment? Let the women discuss this situation. Say: I will read you the following legal definition of sexual harassment. The basic definition of sexual harassment comes from the United Stated Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC):41

Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitutes sexual harassment when submission to or rejection of this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual’s employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual’s work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.

This definition has been further elaborated: Sexual harassment can occur in a variety of circumstances, including but not limited to the following:

• The victim as well as the harasser may be a woman or a man. The victim does not have to be of the opposite sex.

• The harasser can be the victim’s supervisor, an agent of the employer,

a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or a non-employee.

• The victim does not have to be the person harassed but could be anyone affected by the offensive conduct.

41 http://www.eeoc.gov/types/sexual_harassment.html

60 • Unlawful sexual harassment may occur without economic injury to or

discharge of the victim.

• The harasser’s conduct must be unwelcome. Now let’s consider the case of my friend. We were in a bar. There was a dance floor and, in the “etiquette of dancing,” a gentleman asked a lady to dance. She had the option to decline. His asking her to dance was not sexual harassment, even though she thought it was. Often, women really do not know what sexual harassment is. Ask: Who decides what is sexual harassment? Usually the offended party decides. However, the criteria must agree with the legal definition. Ask: What are your social, ethical, and legal options when being sexually harassed? According to the Equal Rights Advocates42, you should do the following:

• Say “No” clearly.

• Write down what happened.

• Report the harassment.

• Start a paper trail.

• Review your personnel file if you are harassed at your workplace. If the harassment continues:

• Use the grievance procedure at your institution.

• File a discrimination complaint with a government agency.

• File a lawsuit. Ask: How many of you have been sexually harassed? Ask for a show of hands. Ask: What did you do about it? For next time: What is decency? What is decorum?

42 http://www.equalrights.org/publications/kyr/shwork.asp

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PART IV: DECENCY OFF THE FIELD

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LESSON 21: HONORABLE WOMANHOOD, DECENCY, AND DECORUM

Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss practical application of honorable womanhood in action and deed. The lesson will discuss the meaningfulness of decency, especially sexual and language decency, as well as decency in action: decorum. Questions will be directed toward higher-order reasoning. From last time: What is decency? What is decorum? Instructor: Re-ask the questions. What is decency? What is decorum? Ask several different women their definitions. Be prepared for answers across the entire spectrum from conservative to liberal. The actual definition of decency is conforming to standards of taste, propriety and/or quality according to conventional rules of behavior, especially between the sexes – the customs and manners of polite society. Instructor: Therein lays the rub. What is decent behavior in polite society? Ask several students. They may struggle with the concept of “polite society” – meaning the mores or customs that are acceptable in church, school, or the courtroom. A standard rule of thumb that we use for polite society at our house is what would be acceptable behavior if Grandma was visiting. My pastor says polite society is what we would do if Jesus were watching, which for Christians is all encompassing. Polite society refers to behaviors that are not offensive. Ask: What behaviors are offensive? Direct the question toward several women. Because our current society is so open and the line of decency has either been discarded or pushed so far to the “left,” some women have no concept of what is “offensive” behavior. However, individual laughing at “indecent” language or behavior does not justify indecent language or behavior by an honorable woman. Examples of offensive behavior: swearing, profanity, profane gestures, loud drunken behavior, openly sexual activity, indecent clothing, or combinations thereof. To give an example: My teen-aged daughter and I were once walking through our local mall; a young man and his girl were walking in front of us. The young woman was wearing a short midriff blouse and low-rider pants. The young man placed his hand on the girl’s bare midriff … which was not especially offensive. It became offensive when he slid his hand down into her low rider pants and began caressing her bare buttock. My teenage daughter said, “That is disgusting.” Yes, but it was also offensive and indecent. Ask: How can we set standards for ourselves to be “decent” in polite society?

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Ask several students directly and note their responses. One of the problems today with a multicultural society, and with the blatantly pornographic material on national television, is the vast confusion about what is decency. Young people find it very difficult to have any sort of the concept of decency, especially in the presence of the opposite sex. For example:

When Paradise Hotel first aired Wednesday, June 18, 2003, at 9:00 p.m., the premise of it was this: a contest among eleven contestants – six women and five men – staying at Paradise Hotel. The introduction to the show stated: ‘Where every desire is fulfilled and the only rule is hook up or go home.’ (‘Hook up’ is a modern euphemism for meeting someone and having sex.)43

Also, the current trend for getting whatever it is you want, no matter how indecent, is touted as the “in” thing to do. For example,

Desperate Housewives: Four women who are friends, mothers, wives, and neighbors live in a small suburban neighborhood on Wisteria Lane. One of the women is married and had an affair with her and her husband’s high school-aged gardener. Their neighbor is a divorced woman whose main goal is to seduce every male she finds desirable, even a pastor. Desperate Housewives was also used by ABC to promote NFL football. In a pre-game commercial, one of the actresses somehow snuck into the locker room and seduced a player through her provocative gestures while wearing nothing but a towel, which was discarded as part of the bait. The NFL apologized for the indecent suggestion of the commercial. ABC said little. Desperate Housewives use very little subtlety in its approach to values. Making decent values seem outdated is the weapon of choice of the media.44

The question then becomes the following: From where does one develop a concept of decency? We develop the concept of decency by learning from others; from the standards that are set for us by our parents, families, schools, churches, and role models. In many of these examples, young people have “slim pickings” when it comes to role models. A correlative term to decency is decorum. Ask: What is decorum? Ask several women. They will struggle with this term because it hasn’t been used since Archie Bunker was on prime time TV. Decorum is the actual practice of decency. It’s how individuals behave around others. It is speaking without cursing. It is speaking with respect toward others. It is speaking without

43 http://www.americandecency.org/ 44 Ibid.

64 vulgarity. It is speaking without sexual innuendo in every other word. It is speaking without profanity. It is refraining from public sexual activity either alone or with another. The challenge here is how to actually practice decorum. Ask: Tell me, how do you know what is decent and what is acceptable? Let the students respond. Decorum is too immense a subject to discuss in a brief session such as this; however, know that decorum is necessary in almost every school and business setting. In subsequent lessons we will discuss classroom decorum, or how to get a professor to think you really care about going to class and learning something. Next time, we will begin discussing alcohol abuse. For next time: How often have you been drunk?

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LESSON 22: DRUNK Purpose: This lesson was designed for freshman students who are under the legal drinking age. However, it would be naïve to think that they have not or do not engage in partying and socializing with other students. One of the goals of this character development curriculum is to teach servant leadership – i.e., living a purpose-driven life, being responsible for self, and helping others aspire to greater levels. From last time: How often have you been drunk? Don’t expect a response. Just let them think about the question. In today’s climate, we don’t like to use words like drunk, or drunkenness. Instead we use politically correct words like alcohol-related or alcohol-dependent. To paraphrase Abraham Heschel, words have meaning and how we use words makes a very strong statement.45 The bottom line here is that drunkenness, intoxicated and not being functional often lead to irresponsible behavior that violates self and others. Alcohol consumption in North America clearly has reached disastrous proportions. Millions of Americans use alcohol as a drug. It is used by many not to “gladden the heart” (Psalms 104), but to escape reality.46 Alcohol is the depressant of choice for millions who find it difficult to cope with life. Increasingly, youth use alcohol as an alternative to illicit drugs. Yet its total effect is possibly more disastrous than that of hard drugs.47 The word “drunk” does not paint a very pretty mental picture. Ask: Can you describe to me what “drunk” looks like? Call on several students. Their responses may include the following: bleary eyed; blotchy skin; stumbling; exhibiting coarse, foul behavior; public urination; passing out; disorientation; slovenly appearance; dirty, soiled clothing; and so forth. Ask: Can you describe to me what “drunken” sounds like? Call on several students. Their responses may include the following: slurred speech, foul language, insulting words, loud and obnoxious voices, and so forth. After they respond, they begin to realize the term “drunk” usually depicts a very unattractive individual. Ask: How many alcoholics do you know? Ask for a show of hands. Ask: Do you know of anyone who died from their alcoholism?

45 Heschel, A. (1964). Who is man? Palo Alto, CA: Stanford University Press. 46 http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2000/004/30.85.html, paragraph 7. 47 http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2000/004/30.85.html, paragraph 8.

66Ask for a show of hands. Perhaps you have your own story of what it means to be around an alcoholic. If you grew up around a drunk, you probably have your own version of the following.

I was raised in a community of Mennonites and few people were drunks, but there were two families nearby where the father was an alcoholic. The first was a family of 8 girls and 1 boy. The father became drunk every weekend. He yelled profanities at the kids, beating the wife often and the kids whenever he could catch one. The kids all hated him and I heard the girls on many occasions plotting to kill him. They never did, but I always thought one might. I also suspected that he sexually abused the girls, but I never told anyone. I was there on many occasions when he was looking for trouble. The man scared me. The second family, the father was also an alcoholic except he was a happy drunk. The more he drank, the more pleasant he became. Unfortunately, the family supported the drunkenness. He had four daughters and one was always going to the fridge to get him a beer. He was always pleasant and the girls loved him, but he was still an alcoholic and he scared me, too. My memory of both of them is still the same: unshaven, slovenly, disoriented, red-eyed, incapacitated, either silly or mean, falling down, wobbly, bleary eyed, and very scary.

Of course, an adult alcoholic is not the same as a drunken teenager. But the signs and symptoms are still there – a drunk is never attractive, and the hangover effects are not pleasant either. Ask: Why drink to drunkenness? Do not call on any specific student. Let them think awhile about the “attractiveness” of being drunk. Ask: Today we are going to focus on what others see or experience through the “drunk’s” action. What effect does drunkenness have on you and your family? Distribute the following quiz. The effects of drunkenness on others:

1. How many college-aged students die or are injured from

alcohol related injuries, including motor vehicle crashes? 2. How many college-aged students are assaulted by other

drunken students? 3. How many college-aged students are victims of alcohol-related

sexual assault or date rape? 4. How many college-aged students have unprotected sex while

drunk?

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5. How many college-aged students report that they drove drunk last year?

6. How many of the above categories do you fit into?

After you distribute the quizzes, do not collect them. Ask the women directly about answers to each question, and place the answers they give on the board. When you give them the correct stats, place that on the board in a bright-colored marker. The information here comes from Prevention of College Age Drinking: 48 1. How many college-aged students die or are injured from alcohol-related injuries, including motor vehicle crashes? Ask several students and then give them the stats. Answer: Approximately ½ million. Deaths: 1,400 college students between the ages of 18 and 24 die each year from alcohol-related unintentional injuries, including motor vehicle crashes. Injuries: 500,000 students between the ages of 18 and 24 are unintentionally injured under the influence of alcohol. 2. How many college-aged students are assaulted by other drunken students? Ask several students for their numbers: Answer: More than 600,000, or 0.6 million. Assaults: More than 600,000 students between the ages of 18 and 24 are assaulted by another student who has been drinking. 3. How many college-aged students are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape? Ask several students for their numbers. Answer: 70,000 + Sexual Abuse: More than 70,000 students between the ages of 18 and 24 are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape. 4. How many college-aged students have unprotected sex while drunk? Ask several students for their numbers? Answer: Who knows? Somewhere between 400,000 and then some. Unsafe Sex: 400,000 students between the ages of 18 and 24 have unprotected sex and more than 100,000 students between the ages of 18 and 24 report having been too intoxicated to know if they consented to having sex.

48 http://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/Reports/Parents/default.aspx

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5. How many college-aged students report that they drove drunk last year? Ask several students for their guesses, and write them on the board. Answer: Self-reporting always has huge statistical errors, but at least 2.1 million. Drunk Driving: 2.1 million students between the ages of 18 and 24 reported driving under the influence of alcohol last year. Michael Josephson of the Josephson Institute in Marina Del Rey, California, reports that 16% of all high school age students have gone to school drunk.49 One would guess the number is as high or higher for college age students. 6. How many of the above categories refer to you? For next time: Is abstinence the only answer to drunkenness?

49 Michael J., Josephson Institute, Marina Del Rey, California. http://www.josephsoninstitute.org/

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LESSON 23: DRUNK: IS ABSTINENCE THE ANSWER? Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss different philosophies of avoiding “drunkenness.” This lesson will focus on second-order questioning with information provided on the different perspectives. From last time: Is abstinence the only answer to drunkenness? Ask: Define abstinence. Call on several women to define it. Abstinence is the total avoidance of an activity. It is the dominant approach in the United States to resolving alcoholism and drug abuse (e.g., “Just Say No”). Abstinence was the basis of Prohibition (legalized in 1919 with the 18th Amendment) and is closely related to prohibition — the legal proscription of substances and their use.50 Ask: What is temperance? It is doubtful that any players will know about temperance; perhaps a few. Temperance, one of the seven cardinal virtues (the other six: prudence, courage, justice, faith, hope, love) originally meant moderation. The 19th-century Temperance Movements emphasized complete abstinence from alcohol and the mid-20th century’s founding of the Alcoholics Anonymous movement have strongly influenced alcohol- and drug-abuse treatment goals in the United States.51 Ask: Therefore, how does one control “drunkenness” through abstinence or temperance? Let the players discuss the issue. The dilemma at hand is this: how would one be temperate in a society that is completely intemperate in its usage? If players argue for temperance and moderation, which they will, ask the following question. Say: Binge drinking – consuming four drinks in a row – is a part of the “college scene.” Depending on the survey, it is estimated that around 40 percent of college-aged women binge drink. Ask: If this is the case, and it probably is, how do you control your drinking when few people around you are controlling theirs? Call on several students. Let them talk and note their answers. We learned from our earlier classes that most guys and gals don’t date in the traditional sense. Rather, most college-aged students “hook up” at parties; where to meet people is at a “par-tay.” The power of peer-group drinking is the dilemma at hand. It is true: peer pressure is phenomenal.

50 http://www.peele.net/lib/cdvsabs.html 51 Ibid.

70Athletes are no exception. A coach at a neighboring school said, “If I could only separate my freshmen from the upperclassmen, perhaps I could keep them sober for four years. As it is now, within six months the upperclassmen have corrupted the freshmen; they are all binging, drinking and partying.” The party scene is a part of the collegiate experience and the pressure to comply, to drink, will be immense – even illegal, under age drinking. Instructor: You young people are freshmen; what will be your strategies to not become corrupted? Call specifically on different women and note their responses. What is interesting from all of this information about drinking on college campuses is the notion that “fun” is drinking, or “fun” is sex, or “fun” is sex and drinking. In other words, one cannot have “fun” unless one is hooked up with a complete stranger, who has had sex with countless other strangers, who have had sex with countless more strangers, who have had sex with countless more strangers. Thus, “fun” seems to be a perpetual game of attempting to contract some sexually transmitted disease while being drunk. Or one cannot have “fun” unless one is drunk or drinking, or looking forward to another drink. Thus, “fun” doesn’t exist without being drugged out of reality. This whole definition of “fun” is troublesome. Surely there is more to life than “fun” as just described. Instructor: Are there other ways to have “fun” whereby the fun is clean and wholesome? Let the students respond. Call specifically on several different women. All that alcoholic “fun” that college student have results in some of the following:

Academic Problems About 25 percent of college students report academic consequences of their drinking including missing class, falling behind, doing poorly on exams or papers, and receiving lower grades overall. Health Problems/Suicide Attempts More than 150,000 students develop an alcohol-related health problem. Between 1.2 and 1.5 percent of students indicate that they tried to commit suicide within the past year due to drinking or drug use. Vandalism About 11 percent of college students report that they have damaged property while under the influence of alcohol. Property Damage More than 25 percent of administrators from schools with relatively low drinking levels and more than 50 percent from schools with high drinking levels say their campuses have a “moderate” or “major” problem with alcohol-related property damage. Police Involvement About 5 percent of students at a four-year college are involved with the police or campus security as a result of their drinking. An estimated 110,000 students between the ages of 18

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and 24 are arrested for alcohol-related violations such as public drunkenness, driving under the influence, or consumption by a minor (something you freshmen especially have to worry about). Alcohol Abuse and Dependence 31 percent of college students met criteria for a diagnosis of alcohol abuse and 6 percent for a diagnosis of alcohol dependency in the past 12 months, according to questionnaire-based self-reports about their drinking.52 For next time: Which strategies can you develop to find WHOLESOME fun in the midst of sex and drinking?

52 http://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/Reports/Parents/default.aspx

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LESSON 24: DRUNK: IS TEMPERANCE THE ANSWER? Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss temperance in drinking and alcohol consumption. Freshman-aged students are underage drinkers, but the reality of the situation is that many of these young people have drunk and the social environment of universities and colleges is centered around parties, tailgating, and “good times.” This lesson will be directed toward responsible use of alcohol and the virtue of temperance in all things. From last time: Which strategies will you use to NOT become corrupted? Ask several women and let them discuss the strategies they have developed. Ask: As we discussed last time, many people abstain from alcohol. However, others use temperance. What is temperance? Ask several women. Hopefully they will remember from last time that temperance was one of the early Christian church’s seven cardinal virtues. A virtue is the actual practice of these principles in a value-laden life. For example, the virtue of courage is the practice of being brave. The virtue of temperance would be the practice of being moderate in consumption of earthy needs from food to drink and so forth. In Christian tradition, strong drink is not forbidden, but moderation is expected. See endnotes reference for a well-written piece on moderation, drinking, and tradition.53 The problem with moderation and temperance today is that to practice them becomes very difficult and complicated. To make a decision about temperance, one must take into consideration many social and contextual problems with moderate drinking today. For example, read each of the following observations made by Burkholder (2000):54

1. Distilled liquors are a product of the modern age. Alcoholic drinks today are very potent and are not drunk for the sake of taste and refreshment, but as a highly concentrated drug taken for ‘the effect.’

53 Lawrence J. Burkholder wrote the following piece. Dr. Burkholder is a former president of Goshen College. The piece is well-written and well-researched. For the original source, go to: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2000/004/30.85.html. Although alcohol is by no means a central scriptural issue, the Bible alludes to its use. The problem emerged in Jewish experience after the conquest of Canaan. The land of Canaan flowed not only with milk and honey but with wine as well. The hills of Judea were ideal for vineyards, and so the Hebrews, whose nomadic past had shielded them, had to come to terms with alcohol as a part of ordinary life. In general, they regarded wine as a gift, and they praised God for it (Ps. 104:14-15), but saw excessive drinking as foolish (Prov. 20:1). It is fair to say that both total abstinence and moderate use were acceptable to Jesus. Following the parable of the children at play (Matt. 11:16-19, NRSV), Jesus added these words: "For John [the Baptist] came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, 'He has a demon'; the Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Look, a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!' " Clearly, Jesus intended the parable to show what he thought of debates about eating and drinking. They were petty and distracting. They drew attention from the real issues facing the nation. The apostle Paul warns repeatedly against drunkenness. A candidate for the office of deacon must not be addicted to much wine (1 Tim. 3:8). He admonished members of the church at Corinth not to keep fellowship with a member who is a drunkard (1 Cor. 5:11). But Paul was prepared to accept as brothers and sisters those who drink and those who do not drink. He also spoke favorably of using wine for medicinal purposes (1 Tim. 5:23). The principle governing his attitude appears at the conclusion of a section in 1 Corinthians where Paul addresses himself to varying attitudes toward eating, drinking, and marriage: "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God" (10:31). 54 Ibid.

73 2. Alcoholic consumption in the US has reached dangerous and

disastrous proportions. Millions of Americans use alcohol as a drug. It is used by many not to ‘gladden the heart’ (Psalms 104), but to escape reality.

3. Alcohol is the depressant of choice for millions who find it

difficult to cope with life. Increasingly, youth use alcohol as an alternative to illicit drugs. Yet its total effect is possibly more disastrous than that of hard drugs.

4. Our society has failed to institutionalize drinking in a way that

would place it within a healthful setting and define its limits. Many who drink at bars, parties, and even in the home are separated from the positive elements of life.

5. Alcohol has become both a symbol of tragic loneliness and a

factor contributing to it. One’s attitudes toward alcohol are seldom objective, even if one tries to be tolerant. One can be sure that a refined, cultured gentleman from Burgundy is not likely to be an abstainer. And a wife of an alcoholic is not likely to be convinced that any policy of moderation is wise.

These limits need not imply the strictness of an absolute principle. Still, they should be taken seriously … Thus, the question becomes how does one make a decision to drink in moderation, or become temperate when drinking? Ask: What then would be the solution? What does one do? Abstain? Or practice temperance? Ask several women, and have them discuss the importance of this issue and its implications. Abstaining from alcohol or to being temperate is difficult in our college settings. One of the goals of this honorable education program is to be courageous and to lead a morally uplifted life. No small task. Ask: The challenge is here. Are you women of character? Are you able to meet the challenge? For next time: Have you ever been high on drugs?

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LESSON 25: MARIJUANA AND RECREATIONAL DRUG USE Purpose: A Test of Character© was designed for student-athletes who live in a world where recreational drug use and alcohol abuse are the realities of their worlds. As an obligation to their moral development, we need to take into consideration this world where “having a good time” is often linked to getting high in one way or the other. These are considered crimes of no harm – meaning that the use of recreational drugs does not hurt anyone except the user and these drugs often move through the body quickly. One of the goals of the total curriculum is to teach Servant Leadership – i.e., living a purpose-driven life, being responsible for self, and helping others aspire to greater levels. Questions will move from first order to third order reflective questioning. From last time: Have you ever been high on drugs? Don’t expect a response. Just let them think about the question. In today’s world, it is not unusual for young people, especially athletes, to be in a culture of recreational drugs – drugs that move through the system rather quickly. Ask: What is marijuana? Call on the players directly. Marijuana is a mixture of the dried leaves and flowering tops of the Indian hemp plant cannabis sativa, also called "pot" and "weed." It can be smoked or prepared in a tea or food. Marijuana has two significant effects. In the nontolerant user, marijuana can produce distortions of sensory perception, sometimes including hallucinations. Marijuana also has depressant effects and is partially cross-tolerant with sedative-hypnotic drugs such as alcohol.55 Ask: Why do people use marijuana? The obvious answer: To get high. Ask: So people use marijuana to get high. Do you know what causes this high to occur? The plant that produces marijuana, as is well known, is the hemp plant cannabis sativa. The pharmacologically active ingredient in marijuana is tetra-hydro-cannabinol,56 or THC. THC was first isolated from hemp in 1965. THC's intoxicating and medicinal properties have been touted for thousands of years; however, use of the substance is highly controlled in the U.S. and in some other countries. The chemical property of THC is the active ingredient in Marijuana which is what makes you “high”. People use Mary Jane to heighten perception, affect mood, and relax.57 Ask: What percentage of the population do you think use marijuana as a recreational drug?

55 http://www3.uta.edu/sswtech/sapvc/information/teens13_15/Teens_(ages13-15)_Glossary.htm 56 Ibid. 57 http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=12124

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Ask several players. It is estimated that about 30% of adults in the U.S. use marijuana.58 Ask: Is there a beneficial property of THC other than “getting high?” Ask the girls. They may know that smoking marijuana is used for terminally ill cancer victims. It is federally recognized as an appetite stimulant and anti-nausea/vomiting (antiemetic) agent (though some research indicates it is useful as an anti-glaucoma agent as well). It is available only through special prescription to treat persons suffering from chemotherapy, or radiation-related nausea, and to treat people suffering from AIDS-related anorexia. The FDA approved it for use as an antiemetic for chemotherapy patients in 1985 and as an appetite stimulant for AIDS patients in 1992.59 Doctors can also obtain and prescribe federally-rolled marijuana cigarettes for patients who are too sick to keep down pills. Ask: In recreational use, are there any side effects of smoking marijuana? Ask the players. Most users don’t think there are any side effects and that it is a harmless drug. After all, it is prescribed by physicians to help terminally ill folks, so what could possibly be wrong with the stuff? The opposite is true. Signs of marijuana use include red eyes, lethargy, and uncoordinated body movements. The long-term effects may include decrease in motivation, sleepiness, dizziness, confusion, rapid heartbeat, and harmful effects on the brain, heart, lung and reproductive system. People who smoke marijuana are more likely to develop cancer of the head and neck. The more often a person smokes marijuana and the longer they continue to smoke it, the greater is their chance of developing cancer in places such as the mouth, tongue, larynx or pharynx. Severe overdoses of THC can cause panic attacks, seizures in epileptics, and possibly hallucinations.60 Say: Therefore, the idea that marijuana use is harmless is another one of those common cultural lies that people tell each other as they use a drug to get high – it’s harmless. But, from a health point, it is not. Ask: What is the crime for using marijuana? In other words, what’s the punishment if you get caught? Ask the players. Visit the following website in order to find out what the laws and punishments are in your state: http://www.norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=4516. Present your findings to the girls. One would think that the punishments for using would be a deterrent to use, but they are not. Ask: Why do you think that laws don’t deter using marijuana? Ask the players. This is an interesting question. Most young people will argue that it doesn’t do anyone any harm; that weed should be legalized and then controlled by the same sorts of laws for alcohol, i.e. no driving under the influence. The government would get the tax. So forth and so on.

58 http://biotech.icmb.utexas.edu/botany/thc.html 59 Ibid. 60 Ibid., and http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=12124

76 Marijuana use is everywhere in our pop-culture and seems almost acceptable in our society. A lot of these athletes consistently listen to rap and hip-hop, music genres which condone and almost encourage the use of marijuana. These athletes see their favorite rappers and musicians using marijuana and the message is clear: marijuana is the “cool thing” to do, it is acceptable. Music is not the only medium condoning the use of marijuana. Television shows such as, That 70’s Show, and movies (Dazed and Confused, Half Baked, Friday, etc.) also include scenes where the main characters are smoking weed, or the plot itself is centered on pot smoking. With all of these images surrounding athletes, it is no wonder they feel smoking marijuana is acceptable and often engage in the activity. Also, some young people like the idea of “doing” something illegal…it’s sexy to be doing a harmless drug that’s illegal. Listen closely to their responses and what they have to say. It is true that laws do not appear to be a catalyst for stopping the use of marijuana. Just as underage drinking laws do not appear to stop underage drinking. Say: Some athletes argue that using marijuana helps them to perform better on the field. Have you ever heard an athlete make this argument? And what do you think about the argument? Athletes who use marijuana argue that they have a better ability to play because the game slows down. They can see holes in the line to get through. They are better able to anticipate, to move, and so forth. There is no scientific evidence to support this notion – rather, it is the athlete’s perception without fact. Users will argue until the cows come home that weed makes them a better player. They don’t really want the truth – they want the high to overcome their feelings of psychological inadequacy. Say: Okay, so if you argue that this drug makes you play better and its harmless, would you tell the important people in your life that you are using? For instance: Would you tell your mother that you are using marijuana? Most players would not tell their mothers that they use weed. Of course there are exceptions of families growing the weed in their backyard and “enjoying the forbidden fruit.” But most of us don’t want our mothers to think less of us so we wouldn’t just trot in the door and yell, “Mom, I’m using weed and it’s great!” Usually we don’t want the important people, the people we look up to, to think less of us. We don’t want folks to think we are drug dependent, even if that is the truth. Ask: So, if you say it’s not a problem to use but you wouldn’t want your mother to know you are using, is this some sort of statement about right and wrong? Is it morally wrong to use marijuana? This should stir up some interesting comments from the players. A moral wrong means that we believe there is a certain code of conduct that is “right behavior”. We believe that some things are wrong and some things are right.

77 If we don’t want our mothers to think less of us, we must somewhere in our mindset think that marijuana use has a moral stigma … Why? Ask: What is the moral stigma against using a recreational drug? Why is it a moral issue? Ask the players. The moral issue at hand has to do with being responsible: Responsibility to ourselves, to our family, to our mothers, to others. Getting high – though seemingly harmless – is not harmless in relation to our responsibility to act with clear thought. Being high reduces our ability to make clear and intelligent decisions. We actually have a moral duty to be clear headed because of all of the decisions – moral decisions – we must make each day. Using weed, like getting drunk, breaks down our ability to make clear, focused decisions – the nature of right and wrong becomes cloudy when we are high. Even though it may seem like a harmless activity, using weed actually has many moral ramifications in moral duty and obligation to be a responsible individual. Ask: If making good decisions is a moral obligation, and if we have a moral obligation to be at our best – would using marijuana then be a very selfish act? None of us like to be told we are selfish, even though we might be very selfish, and very mercenary – getting whatever we can for our own benefit. We want to think we are humble and unselfish, when in reality most of us are selfish and are out to get something for ourselves. Getting high only benefits one person – the individual getting high. Using is all about self – it’s what I want – what I can get out of it. It is truly a selfish act. It is not accepting responsibility. All of the arguments for using marijuana for recreational use revolve around this issue – what can I get out of it? Ask: Why are we so selfish that we would be willing to risk so much to “get high?” Let the players think about it. We all like to think we are team players and we care about the team – but basically if you are into “getting high,” it is not about the team, it is about you. Ask: So why are we so selfish that we would be willing to risk so much to “get high?” Let the players think about it. We all like to think we are team players and we care about the team – but basically if you are into “getting high,” it’s not about the team, it’s about you. For next time: What is decorum in the classroom?

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LESSON 26: DECORUM IN THE CLASSROOM Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss what it takes to be a good student and what actions amount to “propriety” and decorum in the classroom. Second-order questioning is utilized. From last time: What is decorum in the classroom? As was noted, decorum is conformity to standards of good taste and appearance. Can we apply decorum to the college classroom? Perhaps a better word to use would be propriety. Ask: What is propriety? Pointedly ask several students. Don’t accept an “I don’t know” answer. They should be able to figure it out. Webster’s tells us that propriety is conformity to what is socially acceptable in conduct or speech. Ask: What is socially acceptable conduct or speech in a classroom? Ask the women. The problem here is that some behaviors in some classrooms are acceptable that would not be in other classes. However, there are some specific guidelines that could prove helpful in being “competitive” in the classroom. As an example, athletes are highly competitive. On the field, athletes are always looking for the edge. Why not apply the same philosophy to in-class behavior? What edge can a student use to be competitive? Ask: What guidelines should you follow to be competitive? Professors appreciate and “like” students who appear to care about being there. Like all human beings, professors take notice of individuals who value what they have to say. Thus, a professor would value an individual who seems to want to learn. Ask: What sorts of behaviors would show professors that you are there to learn and you care about what the professor has to teach? In case they don’t know, a behavior is an outward action, mannerism, or habit. Ask several different women. It should be interesting to note their responses. Make a list of their answers. Which of their answers appear in the following classroom behavior categories, which professors believe indicate that students want to learn? 1. Punctuality – showing up on time. Professors like to do housekeeping chores at the beginning of class. Which papers are due; which assignments have been changed; what is coming up and so forth. Also, some professors like to give quizzes at the very beginning of class and are not very happy about stragglers coming in late to take the quiz. A cardinal rule of college: If you want a professor to get peeved, constantly show up late. Even though professors are supposed to be “objective” in their grading, there is much

79“subjectivity” to the actual process. Every little bit is important, and the professor is human. It is doubtful that they will remember you were on time consistently, but I guarantee they will remember if you are habitually late … and it will affect their subjective evaluation. 2. Sit in the front of the classroom. Some professors notice students who choose to sit up front. A student who claims the front seat says boldly, “I’m here to learn. Call on me.” If you choose those front seats, be prepared and be aware of what is going on. 3. Ask questions. In many classes, professors want to discuss material. How often you answer questions or offer a comment is important to the professor’s evaluation of you. Obviously, you will want to prepare before raising your hand or you will look foolish if you just raise your hand without anything of merit to offer. 4. Dress appropriately. Sounds silly, but dressing appropriately is showing up without a CD player attached to your ear. When you show up with a CD attached, all you tell the professor is, “You aren’t very exciting and I need some serious entertainment before I sit down in your BORING class.” Take the earplugs out long before you reach the classroom door. 5. Greet the Professor. You are paying a lot of money to get an education. Some students think they aren’t paying because they are on scholarship. False assumption: the payment is through barter of work for goods. Athletes pay by the workload in athletics and by the amount of work on the field. You pay and pay. Get your money’s worth. KNOW the professor’s name and say “Hello, how you doing?” This may sound like “sucking up,” which it might be, but the “sucking up” helps reduce the anonymity of one person floating through the classroom. It pays in numerous ways: help in the classroom, reference letters later on, and building friendships and collegial relationships if the professor gets to know your name because of your interest in learning. Break through the stereotyping and let them know you want to learn. If the professor is a last-minute-in-the-door character, then say something to him or her when class is dismissed. 6. Follow the behavioral characteristics of a good student. Follow directions the first time, be in your seat, quiet and prepared for class at the assigned starting time, and listen when someone else is speaking. Speak only with the permission of the instructor. Treat people courteously and respectfully at all times. 7. Avoid gum chewing, tobacco spitting, or eating food. There is nothing worse than hearing someone chew her food. A few years ago I had a female student who chewed and smacked gum, filed her nails, and slept during class…guess what sort of perspective I saw when I graded her? 8. Take off your hat, bandana, or beanie and leave them at home. Get up early enough to comb your hair. Don’t make excuses that it’s a bad hair day. The problem with hats is that the teacher cannot see your face and, in many cases, will not be able to hear you because the hat masks your face and voice. The bandana and beanie have almost the same effect; they give you the appearance that you are not a serious student. You may be a very serious student, but the attire, whether you like it or not, sends a message that you are more interested in making either a fashion statement or a political statement. It’s not that you can’t learn with the headgear, but if you want a competitive “leg up,” be more conservative in your dress. The majority of your professors will be conservative in dress, mannerism, taste, and behavior.

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9. Turn in your work ON TIME. Even if you are an average student and do average work, turning in your work on time will give you a competitive advantage. Professors value students who “want to learn.” Show them you want to learn and half of the battle is won. Most professors will go out of their way to help students who want to learn. Turn your work in on time, show up on time, ask questions, sit in the front of the room, and behave as if these people who are teaching you are important. Luke Walton of the Lakers, when he was a student at Arizona, said, “College life is great. I would get to go to class and listen to very interesting, bright people everyday. What an opportunity! I loved college.”61 Walton’s attitude exemplifies, “I want to learn and I want to be here.” He also is a very good student as well as a very good basketball player. When he signed that professional contract, he had the skills to manage his own money!

Many faculty members will not accept material late. Why? Because it makes more work for them and they wonder if the student did the work on their own. Other faculty members who do accept late work will take off points for late work. Take it from someone who works in academia – it’s a pain in the butt to grade late papers. I don’t have research to support this, but I would bet that late papers result in more points being deducted just because the professor is tired and disgusted with late work. For next time: What kinds of decorum should be practiced on game day?

61 From interview with Bill Walton on 60 minutes.

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LESSON 27: DECORUM ON GAME DAY Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss decorum in dress on game day. Players represent the institution, the coaching staff, and themselves. As such there is a duty to act and dress with decorum. Certain standards in dress and behavior are expected. Second-order questions will continue. From last time: What kinds of decorum should be practiced on game day? Ask: What decorum should be practiced on game day? Specifically address this question to several students. How should one behave? If we interpret game day to be the period of time beginning when the players leave their university and ending when they return, then a specific period of time exists when the players are very visible as representatives of their school. Students should give you a variety of answers. Many young people today have little conception of their responsibility to dress and behave with decorum. Present social standards for many young people mean they have a casual or “grunge” appearance. The notion of respect through clothing is not a commonly accepted perspective. Historically and traditionally, the manner of dress reflected the amount of respect an individual had for an institution or event and the people in attendance. However, in upper middle class – business society – dress is still somewhat conservative. Because your team represents the greater university population, certain decorum in dress and behavior is the standard expectation. How you dress implies, “I’m a serious person. I care about what I am doing. I respect this situation. I respect you.” Ask: Why do the university and your coaches demand that you look presentable in your traveling uniform? Ask several students and let them respond. Again, some of them may have been raised in an environment that does not demand discipline in dress and behavior. Slovenly dress and unclean appearances “scream” that someone is unkempt, undisciplined, and disorderly. Thus, clean dress and clean appearance are important and necessary. Your team’s first purpose should be to educate young women to be honorable. Proper dress and decorum reflect that purpose. Ask: Why does your coach expect a certain level of cleanliness and neatness? Why is this important when you step off the bus or the plane? Specifically address this question to several different women. It is true that many big time university athletic programs are financially supported by commercial enterprises and private donors. These individuals and businesses want their name and money to be attached in support of honorable programs with clean, neat, and decent individuals.

82 This important point is something every student should learn. Financial gain is often linked to personal cleanliness and hygiene. The appearance of success and cleanliness supports the mission. An old adage that is worth following is: Dress for success. This same principle can be followed in all dealings with other people. If one wants other people to notice him or her, dress for success. If one wants to make a business deal, dress for success. If one wants to make a favorable impression on others, dress for success. If one wants to honor other people, dress for success. Ask: Describe professional dress. What does it look like? Make a list of the descriptions that players give of professional dress. Dress for success usually defines business dress. There is a difference today between casual business dress and formal business dress. Ask: What is casual business dress? Direct your question to several different players. Make a note of what they describe as casual business dress. Casual business dress for women: Pressed chino pants or equivalent, with a pressed shirt, and cardigan, matching socks and clean shoes – no sneakers or blue jeans. Business dress for women: Blazer, knee-length skirt with a blouse, hose and stacked heels. For next time: What are the issues surrounding homosexuality in a team atmosphere?

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PART V: HONOR AND DECORUM AS A

STUDENT ATHLETE – PERSONAL RESPONSIBILTIES

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LESSON 28: HOMOSEXUALITY Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss the issue of homosexuality in athletics. This lesson was developed specifically for college sports. Whether you discuss this issue is up to you, the high school coach. The purpose is not to condemn or to encourage the practice of homophobia. Rather the purpose here is to discuss the subject openly and honestly and set ground rules about the professional and honorable issues that arise from player relations. A representative from a community women’s group may be a good resource for discussing this issue. We do not support sexual relations, heterosexual or homosexual, at the high school level. However, we acknowledge that they do happen and as such are important issues to discuss. From last time: What are the issues surrounding homosexuality in a team atmosphere? Ask: What issues surround homosexuality in a team atmosphere? Our purpose here is not to judge, demean, or make fun of any person’s sexual orientation. Rather we want to be frank and open about the issue of homosexuality within a team and its effects, if any, on the functioning of the team. Ask several students. Keep the discussion civil. Insist that no name calling or confrontation occurs. Homosexuality issues revolved around:

1. Homophobia 2. Homosexual come-ons, which are in the same realm as

heterosexual come-ons 3. Professional behavior/ability of the team to function as a team

Ask: What is homophobia? Ask the players if they feel comfortable around homosexuals. Homophobia is the irrational and unreasonable fear of homosexual behavior. Homophobia can result in disrespectful behavior towards others, to the point of violence and abuse.62 Ask: What is the incidence of homosexuality in today’s society? The answer is about 8-12% of the population appears to be hard wired to be homosexual. Research at the University of Idaho’s agricultural research station found that homosexual activity can be found in most of the animal kingdom. The standard amount cited seems to be about 8-10%. However, different websites claim that percentage is either too high (fundamental religious organizations) or too low (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender organizations).63 Ask: Is homosexual activity immoral?

62 http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_phob.htm 63 Ibid.

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The answer to this question lies in one’s perspective, culture, and religion. Most of the great religions forbid homosexual practices. While many of the mainstream American religions are now accepting openly homosexual individuals within their religious community, others are not. Historically, homosexuality was openly accepted with the Ancient Greeks. A recent movie, “Alexander,” which was the story of Alexander the Great, graphically depicts his bisexuality. We also know that the Greeks openly practiced bisexuality without condemnation. Historically, the taboo against homosexuality stems from the old testament of Judeo – Christian tradition, as well as in the Qu’ ran. Refer to the endnote story about an incident that occurred with the patriarch of the Old Testament; Abraham and his nephew, Lot.64

The Story of Lot is one of the most important stories of the Bible and also of our cultural heritage. Everything about this story is important. The story is found in the Bible, Genesis: 18-19. The story of Lot is also in ten places in the Holy Qu’ran, including Surah 11, 74-83 …This story condemns the practice of homosexuality. It also provides a word in our language. Lot lived

64 God and one of his servants, Abraham, were discussing the people in the villages of Sodom and Gomorra, whom God had stated, ‘[…] do not follow the will of God. They do not do the things as I created them to do. Instead, they do things the wrong way.’ Abraham acknowledged God’s argument and yet chose to barter with him in his attempt to save the people of Sodom and Gomorra. Abraham stated, ‘Yes, but is it right to kill everyone in these villages. Even though most of them are bad, there still must be at least 50 good people in these villages.’ God replied, ‘I agree. In that case, if you can find 50 good men in these villages, I will not kill them all. I will spare everyone in the villages, for the sake of those 50,’ and yet Abraham bartered on… from 50 to 40 to 30 to 20 to ten and then at last to one. ‘God, suppose that I can only find just one good man in the village. Is it right to kill all the people in that village, including that one man, just because everyone else in the village is bad,’ persisted Abraham. God agreed and replied, ‘If you can find just one good man in that village, I will not kill them all. See if you can find that one good man.’ Abraham did find his ‘one man.’ Lot, the nephew of Abraham lived in the villages with his family. However, God realized the villages could not be saved. The men were too immoral and so he sent two servants (angels) to the village of Sodom in the form of men. As they walked through the village, all the men of that village paid close attention to them. All the men of that village wanted the same thing. They all wanted sex. The angels arrived at the house of Lot. Lot, being the only good man in the village, invited the angels into his house and shut the door. This was just in time, for every other man of that village came to Lot's house demanding he hand over the two men so they could have sex with them. Knowing Lot was responsible for the protection of these men he refused, offering his two virgin daughters instead. The men, however, rejected Lot’s compromise and continued to demand Lot release the two men. The situation was truly desperate. The men outside were about to break down the door. Fortunately, God, who was watching all of this from above, rescued Lot and his family. God sent a sand storm down to that village so the men of the village could not see. God told Lot and his family and the two angels to climb high into the hills above Sodom, not looking back, in order to escape. Lot and his family did as told. Lot and his family left the house. They walked past the men blinded by the sand storm and they climbed high into the hills. Once Lot was safely in the hills, God sent fire and brimstone down upon the villages of Sodom and Gomorra, and killed everyone left. Lot and his two virgin daughters followed the commands of God. They kept going. However, Lot's wife did not follow the commands of God. She looked back and was killed, turning into a pillar of salt.64

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in the village of Sodom. For that reason, what the men of his village did is called ‘sodomy.’”65

Stemming from this story, the Hebrews were the first to openly decry homosexual activity. Labeled an abomination, homosexuals were often stoned to death. Because Christianity and Islam both stem from Abraham, they also reject homosexuality. Both religions’ texts reject its practice in any form. The laws of Western Society were based on the laws and codes of conduct given to the Hebrews through Moses. In the U.S Supreme Court Building, as in many other U.S. Government buildings, the Ten Commandments are displayed prominently. Historically and culturally, the practice of homosexuality has been eschewed by society. However, that also is changing as society moves away from direct translation of the religious texts to a more lenient translation. Religions such as the United Church of Christ, the Unitarian Universalist Association, and the Episcopalian Church not only welcome “G.L.B.T.” (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender) members, but also have them as ordained ministers.66 Our purpose here is not to judge consenting adult homosexual activity as moral or immoral but to discuss the realities of homosexual practices and homophobia. The issue of immorality or morality is a decision that each adult individual must make for him or herself. However, there is a large caveat here. Only consenting adults – not teenagers and not children – should make that decision. Sexual activity should be limited to mature adults, based on wise decision making. As mentioned earlier, we do not support sexual relations, heterosexual or homosexual, at such a young age, but because these relationships exist we feel it necessary and important to address. Ask: Should we respect individuals who are homosexual and if so, how? Ask several students. Honorable individuals respect all individuals and their choices. However, we do not respect individuals who violate others, who abuse others, or who molest others. This is especially true of sexual predators. However, sexual predators are NOT all homosexuals and homosexuals are NOT all sexual predators. They may be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transgender, and so forth. Sexual predators are not excused from their behavior because they were “born that way.” We make choices in our lives, and no one has the right to violate another. Yes, we have a duty to respect all individuals, whatever their sexual orientation as long as they are law abiding. That does not mean we have to agree with them. We do have a duty as honorable individuals to treat them as we would want to be treated. Ask: What are the limits to respecting sexual orientation? Ask the students. This conversation could become difficult, but stay with it and work it out with them.

65 Ibid. 66http://www.questia.com/Index.jsp?CRID=homosexuality_and_religion&OFFID=se1&KEY=homosexuals_religion

87 The limits to respecting homosexual orientation are the same as respecting heterosexual orientation. We do not accept stalking. We do not accept rape. We do not accept indecent sexual behavior. We do not accept sexual behavior in a business and sport environment. Ask: Why must we have limits to sexual activity within a team? Ask the girls and discuss this openly. For any organization to function well there must be a distancing between members of the group. We work together as cohorts, but we don’t sleep with them. Why? Sexual activity often results in sexual harassment and power struggles. Sexual activity within the group also causes great emotional stress on the individuals involved in the sexual activity as well as the other members of the team. Sexual activity between minors (and adults alike) can, and do, cause breakdowns in the team’s ability to function as a team and sexual relations between minors and adults are illegal. In most businesses and university communities, peers sleeping together are frowned upon. This behavior is considered to be bad professional conduct. In some cases, individuals can be terminated from their positions as a result of this practice. The issue becomes one of sexual harassment. However, at the high school level the individuals involved are underage and as such should not be involved in sexual relations in general due to their level of maturity. Ask: What should team members do if they know other team members are sleeping with each other? Ask the girls. Note their responses. Probably the best practice is to have a policy statement against homosexual relationships within the team. Team members should develop the policy, which should have specific recommendations for offensive behavior. Team members must understand that such behavior is not good for the team and is unprofessional. The team must act as a professional group with certain standards and behaviors expected. Gay and lesbian sexual relations as well as straight sexual relations should not be accepted within the team ranks and should not be accepted in the teenage age group. This is not to say that homosexuals would not be accepted as members. Rather, it is saying that homosexual activity within the team would not be accepted. The policy statement should be specific, just as it would be in any professional organization. Disciplinary procedures should be followed if the policy is violated and consequences should be clear. Also, there should be an educational program about this policy so that every athlete understands its purpose and the ramifications of such behavior. The policy is not to incriminate or punish. The policy is to ensure professional conduct from all individuals on the team. For next time: What happens if the coaches are having affairs with the athletes? Is this acceptable or not?

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LESSON 29: AFFAIRS WITH COACHES Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss the problem of athletes and coaches having love affairs. The focus will be on honorable behavior for both the athlete and the coach. Second order questions will continue. From last time: What happens if the coaches are having affairs with the athletes? Is this acceptable or not? Ask several women their opinions: Is it acceptable for a coach to have an affair with an athlete? Note their responses. Unfortunately in this time in history, the line between acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior has blurred. Also, very smart people are very persuasive in convincing others that what might appear to be unacceptable is acceptable, as long as it doesn’t bother anyone else. A coach sleeping with his/her athletes is unacceptable and is wrong. There are no arguments to justify the action. There are no justifications for an individual in a power position to use that position for personal benefit. It is doubly troubling when the athlete is young, even if they are of legal age. One of the perennial problems of working closely with another person is the phenomenon of propinquity? Ask: What is propinquity? Ask the students. It is doubtful that any will know. Propinquity is the sexual attraction that occurs when two people are in close proximity for long periods of time. It is a natural condition of being near another individual whom you find attractive. Propinquity is a natural condition of our sexual desires. However, as human beings we have the ability to control sexual desire and we have the ability to make choices about our sexual desires. Ask: Have you ever known an athlete who had an affair with a coach? Don’t wait for an answer. You might find out that many of the athletes have had affairs. Below is my story of a coach who had numerous affairs with his athletes over a 12 year period.

I was giving a lecture on sexual harassment to a class and openly discussed the ramifications of affairs. After class, two athletes spoke with me about their coach’s behavior. He was having an affair with one of the athletes, and had in fact, had an affair with several other women. I asked them to bring verification by writing a list of times and dates as well as bringing more witnesses. A few hours later, four women appeared at my door with a list of times and dates when they saw their coach in a hotel room with an athlete. I called the athletic department and informed them that I was taking the women to the Women’s Center on campus for

89support, and we would be calling on the university administration about this behavior. All of which we did. The coach was released from his position. Interestingly, a few months later I saw two other women who were athletes under this coach. I pointedly asked if they knew he was sleeping with his athletes. One athlete, who I knew very well, who worked for me as a nanny for my daughters, stated that her coach often hugged her, squeezed her breasts, and rubbed his erection against her repeatedly. I asked her, ‘Why didn’t you tell me? As well as I know you, why didn’t you tell me?’ Her response was typical of women in this situation, ‘I thought it was acceptable. Everyone knew it was going on.’ I went on a mission to discover if ‘everyone’ knew. I discovered that quite a few people did know. When I confronted them about this situation, I heard the same response, ‘We didn’t want to embarrass the university. We thought someone else would do something. We thought the administration would do something.’ No one did anything. All of which reflects Kurt Herbert Alder’s observation that, ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’

Ask: What do you do if you know a coach and player are having an affair? Again this is a difficult situation. However, the whole point of honorable action is having the character to step forward when a wrong is being done. Athletes are usually too afraid to step forward. Women being abused in this sort of relationship seldom have the courage to speak up. We all have an obligation to speak out against such behavior. If the players cannot go to the offending parties, then they have an obligation to go to the administration. If the administration is not willing to act on this situation, then the athletes should go to a faculty member on campus that they trust. It is never acceptable for a coach to sleep with a player. Never. No excuses. No justifications. And at most universities, such behavior will result in the coach being fired. For next time: How do you control your anger?

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LESSON 30: ANGER AND EMOTIONAL TRAUMA Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss the nature of confrontation and the problems associated with racial tensions, not getting playing time, pulled scholarships, and being made fun of for being a student athlete. Goals of the following lessons are to offer advice and strategies to offset anger and aggression. Second-order questioning will continue. Much of the material here on anger management strategies is from the American Psychological Association website on anger. The American Psychological Association (APA) is the largest professional organization to study and develop solutions for psychological problems in America. On your campus are professionals, usually in the counseling center, who would be glad to come and discuss with your athletes the problems of anger and the skills of anger management. Aggression and physicality are a part of the athlete’s life. Everyday in practice, violence is a necessity of the game. The violence, as stated by Jim Parry, a philosopher who also happens to be a national rugby player in Great Britain, is directed toward action and completion of an assignment. The violence, in the ideal, is never directed toward a person. It is directed toward stopping the play, or moving the ball. Injuries occur in violent games, but intentional injuries are never a part of the honorable game. Ask: How do you control your anger? Call on several students, especially those who have trouble controlling their anger. Anger is experienced to different degrees by different people. Anger can vary in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of energy, hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenalin.67 You all know the signs when you are about to get angry and you all know the damage that you can do when you get angry. Ask: What causes you to get angry? Specifically ask several different women and note their responses. Write them down. Anger is caused by both external and internal events, a specific person (the jerk at the party) or event (a car cuts you off in traffic), or by worrying or brooding about personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.68 That’s why our personal histories reflect our responses. We were wronged in the past, and, without cognitively knowing, we respond in the present moment for all the wrongs done to us. Responses are different with each individual. What happens with you; do you let anger out or do you brood? Let the students talk. They will know how they express anger. It is important to note that anger is an instinctive, natural way to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive

67 http://www.apa.org/pubinfo/anger.html 68 Ibid.

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feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. However, lashing out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us isn’t acceptable. Laws, social norms and common sense limit how far anger can take us.69 Ask: What personal strategies can you use to deal with anger so it doesn’t result in punching another person? Call on several different women. Note their responses. Offer the following information on developing their personal strategies. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming.

1. Expressing angry feelings in an assertive — not aggressive — manner is, according the APA, the healthiest way to express anger. To express anger, you clearly make known to others your needs without hurting others to get them. Being assertive does not mean being pushy or demanding or demeaning to others. Being assertive is being respectful of self and others.70

2. Anger can be suppressed, then converted or redirected.

Suppressing anger is controlling it and refocusing it on something positive. The goal here is to stop the anger from exploding and redirecting it to something more constructive – a process of converting anger to constructive behavior. The downside to this approach is that if the anger is not outwardly expressed, it can turn inward and cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or even depression. Unexpressed anger can create other more debilitating psychological and pathological problems, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or development of a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they are not likely to have many successful relationships.71

3. Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just

controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calming yourself down, and letting the feelings subside.

Ask: How do you control your anger? We have talked about the three different ways to vent anger or to redirect it. There is a technique that is used to control anger, called anger management. Does anyone here know what anger management is about?

69 Ibid. 70 Ibid. 71 Ibid.

92 Notice if there are any hands raised. Call on students who appear to know. Let them tell what they know about anger management. According to the APA, the whole goal of anger management is to reduce both emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. Notice that the term is not “anger avoidance.” It’s “anger management,” meaning that anger is a normal, human response. Say: What is important to know here is this: You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you. You cannot change the “jerks” of the world, but you can learn to control your reactions. You can make a difference in your life. You can be in control. You don’t have to be managed by manipulators or individuals who are rude or obnoxious. You can be a more honorable woman than they. You can be a force for control, redirection, and reformulation. Ask: There is an important question here for all of us. What is “too angry?” Or said in another way, do you wonder if you are too angry? Pause and let them think about your question. There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone you are to anger, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need professional help to find better ways to deal with this emotion. One of the problems for all of you is the fact that you are involved in an activity that demands a very high level of aggression. You play a game that demands intense physical violence directed toward play and action. You play a game in which retributive justice raises its head and smites all of you. Ask: What is retributive justice? Call on several women. They will probably have no clue. Retributive justice is an “eye for an eye” and a “tooth for a tooth.” It’s payback. In athletics, when the opposing team is honorable and follows the rules, it is easy to be honorable and follow the rules. But it is not so easy to be honorable when the other woman is a jerk, or the opponents’ fans are jerks. For example, in the 2003 season, a Nebraska linebacker was leaving the field when a fan of an opposing team was celebrating too close, too “in his face.” The linebacker, usually a quiet individual with a good GPA, “lost it” and punched the fan in the face.72 Result: The fan was unconscious and the player was charged with assault and battery by the local police. This sort of behavior by players is unacceptable, totally unacceptable. It turns a great game into a spectacle and the players into gladiators, which athletes clearly are not.

72 http://www.missingnebraska.com/Huskers/hkhuskerwatch03.html#

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Ask: What should the linebacker have done when the fan was dancing by and screeching in his face? Call on several students, from the more emotional of the group to the more controlled. Obviously, the answer should be to turn and walk away. If the fan keeps getting in his face, walk around him, walk away. To paraphrase the lyrics of a Kenny Rogers song, “Know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to run.”73 For next time: Are you a hothead?

73 http://kenny-rogers.lyrics-songs.com/lyrics/33876/

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LESSON 31: HOTHEAD Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss the problem of being a hothead. Some people really are more “hotheaded” than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. This lesson will focus on addressing the problem with being hotheaded and giving the players information about this psychological problem. Most players are not hotheads, but those who are will have great difficulty making it through life and through athletics. Information is taken from the American Psychological Association website.74 Second-order questions continue. From last time: Are you a hothead? Ask: What is a hothead? Describe one. Direct your question to at least two women. Note the characteristics that the players describe. Interestingly, “hotheads” don’t always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially and sulk. “Hotheads” are individuals who are continually irritable and grumpy.75 Ask: What do you think causes someone to be a “hothead?” Again, direct your question to at least two of them. These women are not psychologists, but they may give you some of these causes:

1. One cause may be genetic or physiological. There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age.

2. Another cause may be we just haven’t been taught how to

express anger. Most of us, and not just the “hotheads,” never learned how to channel anger in a constructive manner. As we noted earlier, this is especially a problem with adults.

3. Family background also plays a role. Typically, people who are

easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at communicating emotions.76

An added problem for “hotheads” is the frustration that occurs in a challenging, aggressive sport. Ask: Have you ever heard that it is best just to “let it all hang out?” If you get angry, get it out and go with it. What do you think? Ask several students. Actually, this is a dangerous myth. People argue for this theory so that they can justify hurting someone else. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates

74 http://www.apa.org/topics/topicanger.html 75 Ibid. 76 Ibid.

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anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.77 It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge. Ask: What issues make you angry in practice or on the team? Hand out sheets of paper and pencils. Write down the issues that make you angry. What gets you upset? Give the players time to write down their “hot button points.” Usually the issues that cause anger have to do with perceived “fair” actions and practice of other players and coaches, respect, and honest dealings. All of us will get angry if we think we have been wronged by another person. Getting angry is a normal function. HOW we control or manage the anger is the difference between mature and immature individuals. Typical points that irritate and cause anger:

• Disrespectful conduct of teammates. • Rude, loud, offensive, and/or obnoxious behavior by teammates. • Being benched. • Losing a scholarship. • Not getting enough playing time. • Having a referee or umpire make a bad call. • Being yelled at by the coach. • Being “dissed” by the opposing fans.

Put the above points on a board so that the women can see the typical “hot button points” for most individuals in athletics. Ask them if there are other points that make them angry – remember the situations may be varied, but the heart of the problem is perceived unfairness.

Ask: We have talked about the strategies that we all use to control anger. Some of us are better at it than others; actually, there are simple strategies to use. Have you ever heard of anger management techniques to control anger? Ask several different students. It is possible that some women have learned anger management techniques, or a member of their family was directed to anger management through court action. Check the campus counseling center to find an anger management expert to help you with this material. Anger management techniques are simple tools to help keep “anger at bay.” Below are a few different strategies. The techniques may seem silly to the players, but be very direct that sometimes the simplest actions can make differences in one’s life as well as the lives of those around them. Have the players practice these techniques in class. After they have somewhat mastered these strategies, make the room nosier with music and other noises to simulate

77 Ibid.

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what it might be like at a bar or in a crowd. The anger strategies work if one is able to focus and utilize them in all different locales and situations. To begin, make sure the classroom is quiet and that no one will barge in on what they are doing. Try practicing a few in class. Don’t rush through this. Actually, do each of these assignments with the women so that they have some tools. Have the girls first practice sitting down, and then standing up. First, practice relaxation. Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are many books available and courses here on campus that can teach you more advanced relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.78 Try to be serious about this. It may save you embarrassment. It may keep you from striking out at your child. It may save you from being arrested. It may save you a lawsuit. These techniques work for many people. DO the following steps: Say: Try to be serious about this. It may save your life some day. It may save you from being arrested. It may save you from a lawsuit. These techniques work for many people.

1. Close your eyes or focus intently on something. 2. Breathe deeply from your abdomen; breathing from your chest

won't relax you. 3. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut." Continue this

until it appears that the girls have mastered or figured out how to breathe from their “gut.”

4. Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it

easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Let the women take a few minutes to find their word and let them practice out loud. It doesn’t have to be loud, but spoken only for them and said to them.

5. Image a relaxing experience: something beautiful, water falling

at a spring, a beautiful fall day, your mother’s face. Repeat at least three times. Try it sitting down and standing up. Practice these techniques daily. The goal here is to learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation. For next time: What are some other strategies you can use to control anger?

78 Ibid.

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LESSON 32: STRATEGIES TO CONTROL ANGER – THE POWER OF HUMOR

Purpose: This lesson focuses on learning techniques to control anger. Young women need these skills to help them with the stresses that they face in their lives. Being athletes, they will often find times in which they will need skills to ward off anger. If you can bring in an expert to help teach these techniques, the lessons may be more powerful. However, make sure the expert is one who the players can trust and who they believe actually has a history as an athlete. From last time: What are some other strategies you can use to control anger? Rather than asking the same question, state that we are going to continue working on strategies to control anger. There is not a person alive who doesn’t need a strategy for dealing with anger. It is a normal reaction, as was stated earlier; the problem is when that normal reaction causes harm. Say: We have been working on simple strategies to overcome anger and to focus it or vent it in a way other than physical reaction. Using Humor:79 "Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirt bag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt or an amoeba sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, or going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury. Humor can always be relied on to help diffuse a tense situation. The underlying message of highly angry people is, "Things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them! The APA suggests that, when you feel that urge, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable. You'll also realize the things you're angry about are really unimportant. There are two cautions in using humor: First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems. Rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression. What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

79 Rizzo, S. (2000). Becoming a humor being. Lindenhurst, NY: Full Circle Publishing.

98 Along with ways to diffuse anger, there are also ways to address unfairness. Sometimes people do not become angry, but suffer great emotional stress from the sense of helplessness or unfairness. Scenario 1: Let’s suppose you believe the coach is putting stress on you to quit the team. You believe that they want your scholarship for someone else. What would you do? Let’s also assume that you have learned to control your anger, but you are highly stressed and fearful that you are being unfairly treated. What do you do? Ask several different women and get a conversation going. Scenario 2: Let’s suppose you believe one of your teammates is overtly aggressive and is picking on one of the younger players on the team. Let’s suppose the behavior has gotten worse and worse over time, and you truly are bothered by the action and behavior. What do you do? Ask several women and note any differences between Scenario 1 and Scenario 2. In both cases, the player needs to act. Without action, one becomes the individual both Martin Luther King, Jr. and Dietrich Bonhoeffer described – you are a good person who does nothing and accepts the consequences without intervention.

• In both cases, you have an obligation to go directly to the offending party and discuss the problem first hand.

• In both cases, if you get no satisfaction, you have an obligation to

speak with the next person in line of supervision: in Scenario 1, the athletic director in charge of your program; and in Scenario 2, the coach.

• In both cases, if you get no satisfaction, you will have a difficult choice

to make. Put up with the offending action, leave the team, or go to the press or the higher administration.

Unfortunately, many individuals never do anything. They sit and suffer and feel emotionally traumatized by the actions. There are also alternative actions that one can take – it is better to do something than sit and either be a victim or permit another to be a victim. For next time: What is the effect of arousal on the ability to play?

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LESSON 33: THE EFFECT OF AROUSAL/ANGER ON PLAYING AND PERFORMANCE.

Purpose: This lesson will be focused on the effect of too much arousal on the ability to perform either in the classroom or on the court. One of the myths of coaching athletics is that athletes need to be highly motivated to play a game. Coaches exhort, scream, cry, pray, or do whatever to get their players up for the game. When teams lose, we often hear that the team was flat and played with no emotion. Thus emotion appears to be a condition that every player needs to experience in order to perform. From last time: What is the effect of arousal on the ability to play? Ask: Is there such a thing as too much emotion, too much arousal in playing a game? Ask several different players and note their responses. Robert M. Yerkes and John D. Dodson developed the Yerkes-Dodson law, which states that too much emotion, i.e., anger, causes individuals to be unable to do the task at hand.80 Actually, the law is based on what is known as the Inverted U theory, illustrated below:81

http://www.nwlink.com/~donclark/hrd/history/arousal.html Emotions are important in accomplishing any task. If we examine the Inverted U, we note that from left to right there is a rise to a peak and a decline to the end of the U. The theory states that some emotion is necessary as illustrated by the rise of the Inverted U on the left. With no emotion, we couldn’t care less. We would not do the task or we would be easily pulled away to do something else. However, notice that the U has a peak. It is at that point that too much emotion complicates the task to the extent that one is not able to perform. Anger is elevated to the point that the task cannot be done.

80 Yerkes, R. M. and Dodson, J. D. (1908). The relation of strength of stimulus to rapidity of habit-formation. Journal of Comparative

Neurology and Psychology, 18, 459-482. 81 http://www.nwlink.com/~donclark/hrd/history/arousal.html

100What is also interesting about the Inverted U is that each and every one of us has a different emotional level on the left side. Some of us need more emotion to get aroused and some of us need less. It is also true that individuals who have highly complicated tasks must have lower levels of emotion or they will have difficulty performing them. That is, “ball-handlers,” like a point guard should be under less stress than, say, a post player whose role is to only touch the ball in the low post. Ask: Which players, then, should have their emotions under control the most? Probably the setter, the pitcher, the shooting guard, etc…what do you think? What we do know about arousal – of which anger is one type – is that performance is both negatively and positively affected by arousal/anger. A certain amount of arousal can be a motivator toward learning or performance. However, too much or too little during a game will certainly work against your ability to perform. As all coaches know, players need to be aroused to a certain mid-level to reach an optimal level of performance. All players know about the effect of too little arousal, which has an inert effect on the performer, i.e., flat performances, or flat playing. However, too much arousal has a hyperactive affect, in which the performer is unable to perform her tasks. Examples of such are: The defensive specialist who shanks every pass, the pitcher who throws nowhere near the plate, and the shooting guard who couldn’t throw a basketball into the ocean. Remember that there are optimal levels of arousal to be learned for each task. The optimal level of arousal is subjective and unique for each individual. However, we do know that arousal levels should be:

• lower for more difficult or intellectual (cognitive) tasks (the players need to concentrate on the material).

• higher for tasks requiring endurance and persistence (the players

need more motivation). Everyone gets angry; the problem is knowing what causes the anger and how to control the anger so that harm – verbal and physical – does not occur. The whole point is that being too emotional or too angry has adverse effects on how well you play, or for that matter, on how you study, work with others, or get along with other people. How do you control your anger? Ask several students and note their responses. Perhaps there are a few whom you know have problems with their anger; ask them and note their responses. For next time: What are some other strategies to control the “hot button points” that cause anger?

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LESSON 34: STRATEGIES TO CONTROL ANGER Purpose: This lesson continues with information on how to control anger. As we have noted, anger affects all phases of a player’s life, not only performance on the playing field. Hopefully you have found an expert to help you discuss anger management with them. If not, below you will find information from the APA’s web site on anger management. The APA has a number of different techniques that might prove helpful in controlling anger. From last time: What are some other strategies to control the “hot button points” that cause anger? Ask several students. Note their answers. Everyone has a set point where anger takes over. However, the point here is to develop strategies to (1) know what causes anger, (2) develop strategies to control setting off anger, and (3) develop strategies to cope and diffuse anger. There is a wonderful clip from the recent movie “Seabiscuit”82 in which the jockey, Red, is cut off by another jockey. Red literally loses an important race to pay back the affront. He pulls Seabiscuit out of position, unsuccessfully tries to ride down the offending jockey and loses the race instead. After the losing the race, which Seabiscuit should have handily won, Red is asked by the trainer and owner why he didn’t follow the racing plan. Red replies, “What was I supposed to do, let him get away with it?” The owner asks, “Red, what are you so angry about?” Instructor: If you have the video or DVD, play the scene for the women. It makes a good point and shows the uselessness of such behavior. Paybacks cause more problems than they are worth. The whole point is: What are you so angry about? What is driving this behavior? Why the importance of paybacks and perceived injustices? As the instructor, you might discuss what problems you have with anger, or what damages you have seen done by other players when they don’t know what causes the anger. One of the ways to confront the problem of anger is to understand what causes the anger. Another is to restructure the situation to diffuse the problem. The APA states that one means of doing this is Cognitive Restructuring. Cognitive Restructuring:

Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones.83

Ask: What would be more rational behaviors to use instead of cursing, swearing, being over dramatic or exaggerating?

83 http://www.apa.org/topics/topicanger.html

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Let the women respond and see what ideas they can come up with to develop a more rational way of responding to the situation at hand. This is also a good time to discuss the problems associated with cursing and demeaning language. What strategies should an honorable woman use to refrain from anger, cursing, and demeaning language? The APA suggests:

Be careful of words like ‘never’ or ‘always’ when talking about yourself or someone else. ‘This !&*%@ machine never works,’ or ‘you're always forgetting things’ are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. Such behavior also alienates and humiliates people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold, hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is ‘not out to get you,’ you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective.84

Ask: How would you incorporate this advice into your daily life? What can you do to actually use these strategies to improve your situation? Write the students’ responses on the board and note how they would improve the problem. The APA suggests the following regarding angry people:

Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, and willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, ‘I would like’ something is healthier than saying, ‘I demand’ or ‘I must have’ something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions — frustration, disappointment, hurt — but not

84 Ibid.

103anger. Some people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.

One of the problems in sport is that people often view angry players as “highly competitive.” Actually, the opposite is true. A highly competitive player wants to play the best game possible with the best strategies and the best skills. Angry individuals are not able to do either. For next time: What is the purpose of calories in your daily diet?

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LESSON 35: GOOD NUTRITION Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss the essential ingredients of a balanced diet for young active, competitive women. We recommend that you contact your department of nutrition or family consumer science and ask a nutritional expert to come and speak to the students. We also recommend that the women take a specific class in basic nutrition. In most of these classes, students keep a nutrition diary to get to the heart of what it is that they are eating and what they should be eating. In many cases, the diary is entered in a computer program to figure their nutritional levels. Every college athlete should have the knowledge and expertise needed to care for the body properly with good nutrition. This lesson should take more than one session. Bring in the expert who can teach the students to follow a nutritional diet for a week, interpret the students’ results, and give good nutritional counseling. This is one of the most important issues for maintaining good health and success on the court and field. From last time: What is the purpose of calories in your daily diet? Ask: What is a balanced diet? Most students have little knowledge of the importance of diet in their training schedule. Many live with the worry of weight gain and thus diet to the extreme. Others live a “catch as catch can” life style and develop unhealthy nutritional habits. To get a sense of their knowledge and bring home the importance of nutrition, give the following quiz:85

1. What is the purpose of calories in a diet? 2. How many calories should you eat each day to gain one pound? 3. How many calories should you eat each day to lose one pound? 4. How many calories should you eat each day to lose one pound a

week? 5. What is the most amount of weight that should be lost in a

week? 6. What are the major food groups? 7. How many serving should you have daily from each food

group? 8. How many servings of each do you eat from each food group

every day? 9. Do you eat breakfast? Describe it. 10. Do you skip meals?

Ask: What is the purpose of calories in daily diet? Calories are a measure of energy. Different foods can be used by the body to produce different amounts of energy -- which is why a small piece of chocolate can have many more calories than a similarly sized piece of lettuce. Ask: How many calories a day are needed in a busy athletic schedule like yours? Individual athletes differ in their nutritional requirements because of physical size, sex,

85 http://health.allrefer.com/health/diet-calories-info.html

105 nature of the sport, climate, and time of the year/weather conditions. Therefore, it is difficult to provide precise recommendations regarding the nutritional practices of individual student athletes in specific sports. 86 The ideal diet is based on the woman's weight and consists of percentages of various food types proportional to that weight. To start, a woman should take her weight in pounds and divide it by 2.2. This gives her weight in kilograms. Then, she multiples this number by 10. This is number of grams of carbohydrates in her diet. This makes carbs about 70% of the woman's daily calories. Unlike what we have heard with the low carb/hi protein craze, this is much better. An athlete's body needs more energy and the human body uses carbs as its main fuel. Protein grams are the woman's kilograms times 1. This means 10-15% of calories come from protein, although some have raised this to 20-25%. The rest can be fat, about 20-30% of her calories.87 Team sports: Energy expenditures for team sports depend on the specific sport and the position of the athlete. For example a midfielder in soccer might cover an average of 8-10 miles per game, while a defensive player covers less ground.88 Short-duration, high intensity sports: Athletes who are involved in high intensity, short duration sports (of less than 20 minutes) such as track runners, swimmers, sprint cyclists, rowers, wrestlers, weight lifters and gymnasts essentially utilize glycogen as the primary energy fuel.89 Long duration, moderate intensity sports: Marathon runners, cyclists, and cross country skiers who need to sustain energy levels for longer periods of time need to be able to burn fat for energy in addition to using glycogen. These athletes may use from 2,600-5,000 calories in competition. A runner who completes a 10 mile run at a 6 min / mile pace in the morning and 8 miles at 5 min 30 sacs / mile in the afternoon would require an intake of at least 3000 calories in addition to his or her basic energy needs to maintain adequate glycogen stores and energy requirements.90 Ask: How many calories do you think you take in daily? Ask the students and note their responses on the board. Again, bring in a nutritional expert to discuss these issues. Most professors will be glad to help your athletes understand the importance of these issues. Ask: What is the importance of breakfast? What is low blood sugar? Ask the women and note their responses. According to nationally renowned sports nutritionist Nancy Clark, breakfast is the meal that makes champions. Skipping breakfast robs athletes’ bodies of nutrients needed for health and fuel needed for high-quality workouts. A hearty breakfast tames hunger later in the day and results in the ability to exercise harder during workouts.91

86 http://www.thesportfactory.com 87 Williams, M. H. (2002). Nutrition for health, fitness & sport. McGraw Hill: Boston 88 Ibid. 89 Ibid. 90 Ibid. 91 http://www.active.com/nutrition/Articles/Breakfast__the_most_important_meal_of_an_athlete_s_day.htm

106 According to the Mayo Clinic, low blood sugar (glucose), your body's main energy source, can be caused by poor nutrition. Hypoglycemia results when levels of blood sugar are abnormally low. Stephen DeBoer, one of their registered dietitians, recommends eating a full breakfast in order to avoid this condition. If you’re working out within an hour of breakfast, he recommends eating a lighter meal and drinking a sports drink to help raise your blood sugar level without being too full. 92 Ask: What are the basic food groups? Ask the students. According to the United States Dietary guidelines, the healthiest diets consist of foods from the following groups: grains (bread, cereal, rice, and pasta); fruits and vegetables; dairy products (milk, yogurt, and cheese); meats and legumes (meat, poultry, fish, dry beans and peas); and fats, oils, & sweets. 93 These foods constitute the pyramid of nutrition, with the following guidelines from the USDA:94

http://www.mypyramid.gov/

Grains

• Make ½ of your grains whole. • Eat at least three ounces of whole grain bread, cereal, crackers, rice,

or pasta every day. • Look for “whole” before the grain name on the list of ingredients.

Vegetables

• Vary your veggies. • Eat more dark green vegetables. • Eat more orange vegetables. • Eat more dry beans and peas.

Fruits

• Eat a variety of fruit. • Choose fresh, frozen, canned, or dry fruit. • Go easy on fruit juices.

Oils

• Make most of your fat sources from fish, nuts, and vegetable oils. • Limit solid fats like butter, stick margarine, shortening, and lard.

92 http://www.MayoClinic.com 93 http://www.health.gov/dietaryguidelines 94 http://www.mypyramid.gov/pyramid/index.html

107 Milk

• Get your calcium rich foods. • Go low-fat or fat-free. • If you don’t or can’t consume milk, choose lactose-free products or

other calcium sources. Meat and Beans

• Go lean on protein. • Choose low-fat or lean meats and poultry. • Bake it, broil it, or grill it. • Vary your choices – with more fish, beans, peas, nuts, and seeds.

“For health benefits, physical activity should be moderate or vigorous and add up to at least 30 minutes a day.”95 For more information visit the USDA website at mypyramid.gov. Ask: What is iron anemia in women athletes? Ask the women. Many may know, but most will not. The daily requirement of iron for girls is 18 mg.96 Most girls don't take that much in. And excessive sweating can further exacerbate iron loss. As with all women, menstruation increases iron intake needs. Iron deficiency or inadequate iron stores can occur without anemia and this is common in young female athletes. Still, a test indicating anemia (measuring values called hemoglobin and hematocrit) has to be viewed in perspective. Training causes the fluid in the blood to increase. This "dilutes" the values read, so there appears to be an anemia when there is not. Ferretin testing should follow any low hemoglobin/hematocrit readings in female athletes. This test indicates iron stores in the body. Iron-rich foods, dietary supplements, and vitamin C (which helps absorb iron) can improve performance. Caffeine intake blocks iron uptake.Ask: Have you ever kept a nutrition diary? Ask the students and discuss that a nutrition diary is kept for 7 days. The purpose is to look at their eating habits during the work/school week and the weekend separately. Most college students eat great quantities of empty calories. The typical college woman gains approximately 15 pounds the first year in school - the “freshman fifteen”. This results from eating too many snacks, drinking too much beer, waiting too long to eat and being starved when eating, eating too fast and so forth. Again, have a nutritional expert come to discuss these issues. Keeping a diary is an important physical means to monitor eating habits and nutritional input. Ask: What do you think? Are you being responsible in caring for yourself nutritionally? Ask the women and get their responses.

95 http://www.mypyramid.gov/pyramid/physical_activity.html 96 http://www.obgyn.net/young-woman/young-woman.asp?page=/young-woman/articles/athlete_nutrition

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Nutritional care directly affects everything they do as students and student athletes. A good breakfast is important to studying and going to class. I have a teenage daughter who always argues with me that she is not a breakfast person. However, her behavior tells us the opposite. Without breakfast, her blood sugars drop markedly by midday resulting in a disagreeable personality – short tempered and difficult to work with. As soon as we make sure she has eaten, she returns to her sunny self. The point here is that we often have an incomplete picture of ourselves. To paraphrase a line from the poem To a Louse, written by the 18th century Scottish poet Robert Burns, “…if we could only see ourselves as others see us.” 97 You may discover that the women are not eating correctly because they spend their food scholarship money on other essentials, or what they think is essential – clothes, movies, beer, and so forth. Thus, they have little or no money to eat correctly. If such is the case, the young women need counseling on managing their money as well as diet. For next time: What are eating disorders?

97 http://www.incompetech.com/authors/burns/louse.html

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LESSON 36: EATING DISORDERS Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss and learn about one of the greatest nutritional problems with women, eating disorders. Again, we recommend that you bring in a nutritional expert who works with college age women and eating disorders. The women do not need to be lectured to about the problem. Rather they need to develop good strategies to control the urge to binge, diet, eat, and become dysfunctional regarding their nutritional needs. The majority of women at some point suffer eating disorders, perhaps only sporadically, but most have practiced either bulimia, anorexia nervosa, or a combination of both. Ask: What is an eating disorder? Ask the players to describe eating disorders. An eating disorder is a disruption in normal eating routines. Psychologists believe that an eating disorder results from a desire to gain control over one’s life. 98 Ask: What is bulimia? Bulimia is an illness defined by food binges, or recurrent episodes of significant overeating, that are accompanied by a sense of loss of control. The affected person then uses various methods, such as vomiting or laxative abuse, to prevent weight gain.99 Ask: What is anorexia nervosa? Anorexia is an eating disorder characterized by refusal to maintain a minimally accepted body weight, intense fear of weight gain, and distorted body image.100 Ask: What causes eating disorders? Ask the students their responses. Do not be judgmental about their responses. Listen closely to what they are saying. Athletic eating disorders are different from the types of eating disorders that usually occur in main stream society – different but alike. 101 Interestingly, in our society the incidence of eating disorders is much greater than one would expect. Most college individuals have purged themselves after drinking too much or eating too much. In women’s sports where weight is a factor, i.e., gymnastics, diving, swimming, basketball, and so forth, most women have practiced some form of eating disorder.

98 http://www.raderprograms.com/whatare.aspx 99 http://www.raderprograms.com/bulimia.aspx 100 http://www.raderprograms.com/anorexia.aspx 101 http://www.raderprograms.com/athletes.aspx

110 Psychologically, eating disorders occur because women are trying to be in control. Societal attitudes overemphasizing physical appearance, perfectionist personalities, and family factors greatly influence the occurrence of eating disorders. Ask: Do you have a problem with weigh-ins? Be open to the students’ answers. One of the main causes of eating disorders is Monday morning weigh-ins. Below is a typical story of many young women athletes:

I was an athlete who suffered greatly with the awful weigh in. I always loved to eat, and being a figure skater, one is supposed to be tiny and thin. I was never. I am 5’7” and on a good thin day was about 145. My coaches wanted me to be 125. What occurred was a constant cycle of starving and binging. I dreaded and hated that scale. To this day, I won’t get on a scale. When I have to be weighed in at the physician’s office, I get on backwards and threaten the nurse NOT to tell me. I psychologically cannot handle what the scale represents to me. My memory is that dreaded Monday morning ‘weigh in.’ I starved all weekend to make sure my weight was where it was suppose to be for Monday morning. I wasn’t adverse to using a little ‘stick the finger down the throat’ method every once in a while – maybe more. After weigh in, I binged. I was starved, and then I had remorse and guilt. This went on for about a year until I took a class in nutrition and learned that I was doing more damage than good. I kept a food diary. I tried to stay away from empty calorie foods. I never became thin, but I was able to somewhat control the starve, binge, purge cycle. I always resented my coaches making us weigh in. I always viewed it as abusive. Of course, they told us it was for our own good. Perhaps in their minds it was, but it was a miserable experience. The other girls on the team never discussed this problem, but from their comments during weigh ins, I think they all suffered from a form of the ‘starve, binge, purge’ problem. I dreaded and hated that scale. To this day, I won’t get on a scale. When I have to be weighed in at the physician’s office, I get on backwards and threaten the nurse NOT to tell me. I psychologically cannot handle what the scale represents to me. My memory is that dreaded Monday morning ‘weigh-in.’

Ask: What is the problem with using diuretics and other methods of fluid reduction to keep weight down? Diuretics purge the body of excessive fluid buildup. Using them to keep weight down could result in severe dehydration, which will cause other health problems, such as heart and kidney damage. For years, a football coach where I taught would put on a rubber suit and sit on a heating register in order to lose weight. He finally died of a heart attack. Ask: What is the problem with using laxatives to keep weight down? Laxative abuse for weight loss is both ineffective and dangerous. Over time, taking laxatives frequently can cause the bowels to shut down and cause severe health problems, including gastric bleeding and intestinal injury. Ask: What is the problem with intentional vomiting to keep the weight down?

111 Over time, the stomach acids excreted during vomiting can cause deterioration of teeth and gums and injuries to the esophagus. Blood disorders (such as anemia), kidney and cardiac abnormalities, body chemical imbalances, and digestive problems also occur. Vomiting has also caused deaths by choking on the purged substances. Also, a person might lose valuable nutrients, such as body salts, which support cardiac function. Karen Carpenter, a popular singer in the 1980s died of a massive heart attack because of this condition. Eating disorders are problems that you should be able to spot.

A few years ago, a student in my class was exceptionally thin. Another student commented on her ‘bones’ protruding. I called her in and we had a discussion about her eating. I asked if she had eaten that morning and she said yes. I asked, what. She said, ‘I had a cheerio.’ She also told me she was too thin and wanted to lose the fat between her thumb and index finger, which was tissue not fat. She was later hospitalized for anorexia nervosa and died of a massive heart attack.

For next time: What is humility?

112

PART VI: VICE AND VIRTUE

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LESSON 37: HUMILITY: WHAT IS IT? Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss the elements of humility and its importance within sport. Today’s game has become one of “showcasing your talent, entertaining, and being important so that you will be noticed.” The discussion will focus on the importance of humility in the life of a virtuous and honorable woman. Second-order questions will focus on the problems, dilemmas, and benefits of practicing humility. From last time: What is humility? Ask several women and let them respond. Make a list on the board of their comments as to the definition of humility. Then read the following excerpt from ESPN’s Greg Garber’s commentary of Dec. 19, 2003, about an NFL game.

With just under six minutes left in the first half, Saints wide receiver Joe Horn took a 13-yard pass from Aaron Brooks and scored his second touchdown of the night in what turned out to be a 45-7 blowout. Horn immediately ran to the goalpost in the south end zone and started pawing at the padding. Saints teammate Michael Lewis retrieved the fallen cell phone and handed it gleefully to Horn, who phoned his children at home. Although the call never went through – by the time he dialed and hit send he was already nodding his head and pretending to have a conversation – the official's flag for unsportsmanlike conduct was flying his way. "This game is all about excitement," Horn explained after the game. "I'll probably get fined for it, and I think it's ridiculous. We should give the fans what they want, what they pay their hard-earned money for, and that's excitement."102

Ask: Which is it, excitement or sportsmanship? Horn argues that the game is about excitement and that fans want excitement. He argues that his behavior is about being noticed and making excitement for the game. Call on several different students and let them respond. Ask: Why does Horn’s behavior violate the qualities of sportsmanship? I don’t know that the NFL has taken time or effort to either describe or philosophically defend its position on sportsmanship, although it does define sportsmanship and the problem of celebration as follows: Unsportsmanlike Conduct: Any act contrary to the generally understood principles of sportsmanship.103

The NFL also defines the importance of sportsmanlike conduct in relation to celebration after a score:

102 http://www.sportsline.com/nfl/gamecenter/recap/NFL_20031214_NYG@NO 103 http://www.thefreedictionary.com/unsportsmanlike

114 The sportsmanship rules for this coming season are directed at celebration toward the opposing team. The NFL's focus is respect for the game and the opponent. For example, there will be continued fines for group celebrations that become a safety issue. The NFL demands that players play fair and maintain a professional attitude at all times. They want the players and coaches to be role models to “carry a legacy forward by setting an example” (Paul Tagliabue, NFL commissioner). The NFL becomes increasingly concerned about sportsmanship as the players become increasingly popular as role models for young children. The players are admired and looked up to by millions of young fans and how they conduct themselves on the field seems to trickle down to the little league level. “The quality of play and respect for the sport and each other over the past couple of years has been deteriorating,” commented Duke Carroll (NFL Official at the Buffalo Bills Camp). One major focal point for the NFL is that they set out year after year to make sure that the fans and community understand what the game of football is really all about: having fun and setting an example for future generations.104

Ask: The NCAA has mandated rules against “unsportsmanlike conduct” during celebrations. They argue that such conduct is disrespectful. Why is it disrespectful? Ask several different women and note their responses on the board. What we want to learn is their understanding of what it means to be disrespectful, as well as the relationship of respect to humility in action. Hopefully, someone will get the point. Ask: Is there a relationship between humility and respect? Ask several women and again note their responses. In the case of Horn’s behavior in the NFL game, there is a relationship between the two, because Horn was not able to make the play without the help of 10 other players. He didn’t score by himself. The question becomes: Why should he get all the glory? He was not there because of his talent or work alone. Without his teammates, Horn would not have scored. However, his antics appeared to focus only on his exploits. The issue is truly about humility; respect for self, teammates, opponents, and the game. Humility is one of the many virtues extolled throughout Christian literature. The word “humility” signifies lowliness or submissiveness and is derived from the Latin word humilitas, or, as St. Thomas said, from humus (i.e., the earth which is beneath us). As commonly used in this context, the virtue of humility is described as consisting in keeping oneself within one’s own bounds, not reaching out to things above one.105 Historically and philosophically, humility is part of one important virtue – temperance. In the Christian tradition, there are seven cardinal virtues of mankind: four related to morality (prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance) and three related to theology (faith, hope, and 104 http://bbs.buccaneers.com/showthread.php?t=51954 105 http://newadvent.org/cathen/07543b.htm

115 love). These cardinal virtues have directly shaped and influenced the history of our culture in the United States, as well as the development of our laws and government. Jeffersonian democracy is rooted in the virtuous behavior of this Christian perspective. Today, people in the United States, especially those involved in the playing of games, have an intuitive sense about the importance of virtuous behavior. It is intuitive, harbored somewhere in the psyche. We no longer study Christian virtues in school or in life. We couldn’t define a virtue if we had to. Yet paradoxically, the influence of Christian teachings is embedded throughout our culture, our history, our justice system, and all of our organizations, including sports. We “sorta” know when something isn’t fair play, or isn’t just, or isn’t about sportsmanship. Though we really don’t know why, we “sorta” know that using a cell phone to “put on a show” after a touchdown is unsportsmanlike. In fact, the whole concept of sportsmanship is really wafer thin. Most everyone involved in sports realizes this, from players to rule-makers, including everyone involved in the NFL, the WNBA, the NCAA, and all other sports organizations. Thus, rules are written, but we seldom learn why certain virtues are necessary in order to carry out these rules. For next time: Why was Joe Horn’s behavior an act of disrespect toward himself and his fellow teammates? Was Brandi Chastain’s tearing off her soccer shirt at the end of the World Cup Soccer Tournament’s final game an act of disrespect toward herself and her teammates? Have the athletes look up the story of Brandi Chastain if they do not know what happened at the World Cup.

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LESSON 38: VIRTUES AND PLAYING THE GAME – HUMILITY

Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to continue to discuss the elements of humility and its importance within athletics. The focus of this lesson will be on examining the importance of temperance and humility in playing the game. Second-order questions will focus on the problems, dilemmas, and benefits of practicing humility. From last time: Why was Joe Horn’s behavior an act of disrespect toward himself and his fellow teammates? Was Brandi Chastain’s tearing off her soccer shirt at the end of the World Cup Soccer Tournament’s final game an act of disrespect toward herself and her teammates?

At the finals of the World Cup Soccer in 1999 Brandi Chastain, one of the great players for the United States, dropped to her knees and tore off her shirt when the win was secured. She had a sports bra on so nothing was exposed. Asked why she did it she replied, ‘Momentary insanity, nothing more, nothing less. I wasn’t thinking about anything. I thought, ‘This is the greatest moment of my life on the soccer field.’’106 It was a moment of joy with no thought, just emotion. Even though Chastain was known as a team player and most of the time displayed grace, her act brought all the focus on her instead of the team. A single act of thinking caused a great deal of controversy.

Ask several students if Horn’s and Chastain’s acts disrespectful, note their responses, and write them on the board. Perhaps the students will focus on what was discussed last time: that Horn wasn’t the only player on the field, but his behavior appeared to focus only on himself. When Horn only focused on himself, he forgot the essential nature of “humility,” that one is only as good as those around him. His antics may have been clever, funny, and entertaining, but Horn missed the points of sportsmanship and virtuous behavior, as did Chastain during that “moment” in time. If we don’t agree with Horn, do we agree with Chastain’s behavior? Yes or no, and what is the difference if there is one? In both cases, Horn and Chastain there was a dilemma involved in practicing humility. We must remember that Horn and Chastain have talents and gifts. Ask: Is there a time and place for Horn and Chastain “to esteem” or showcase their gifts and talents? After all, God did give Horn and Chastain gifts that they perfected into specific talents. Since they both had to work very hard physically to get where they were, should they have been able to showcase the results of their hard work and talent or not? 106 http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/03/en/t/pl/284.html

117

Ask several students, and make sure to focus on the question: Should they be able “legally by the rules” to showcase their talent or not? Make a note of their responses and place on a board. This should be a good discussion because this age group of student athletes has been schooled by the media in a perception that “what is funny” is acceptable, or “what is clever” is acceptable. AND, there is also an argument that Chastain’s and Horn’s behavior was not about being disrespectful at all. Rather, the argument hinges on the notion that their behavior was really about personal celebration and ingenuity. Their behavior was about personal identity, and since it was not directed at any other individual, it should have been valued and respected as “creative and clever” self-marketing. Interestingly, there is some support for this position in our cultural traditions. Humility does not mean that one should demean oneself or think less of oneself in relation to others. That is, the virtue of humility does not require us to demean our natural gifts and talents. Neither does humility require us in our own estimation to think less of the natural gifts we possess than our neighbors’ similar or inferior gifts.107 Ask: If Horn’s and Chastain’s behavior was about marketing and not about demeaning any other player, should they be permitted to celebrate without being fined? Ask several students and note their responses. The argument appears to be acceptable. If there was no intention to be disrespectful to the opposing team, it appears that this argument holds up. Ask: However – and this is a big however – the question remains: Why should their gifts and talents be showcased more than any of the gifts and talents of their teammates? None of us is perfect, nor do we possess all gifts and all talents. We have certain talents, but perhaps not all the possible talents necessary to accomplish a particular task or project. Simply put, neither Chastain nor Horn has all the gifts necessary to play the game by themselves. Both have limitations and vices. Thus, as with Horn and Chastain, if we see ourselves as better than others in some things, we must also see ourselves as being limited in relation to others. Neither Horn nor Chastain could play the game alone, nor could they accomplish what they did without the aid and assistance of many people. The celebration with the cellular phone and the tearing off the shirt was disrespectful to their teammates and their opponents because the action focused solely on Horn and Chastain as the individuals responsible for the winning play. Horn was chastised by the media and fined by the NFL:

‘Horn's celebration was viewed as disruptive, disrespectful and, technically, against the rules. Horn was fined $30,000 for the prank – a serious roaming charge if there ever was one – and Lewis received a $10,000 fine as an accessory to the crime, which

107 http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/07543b.htm

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Horn has said he will pay. Earlier this season, Horn was fined $5,000 for pantomiming the firing of a Tommy Gun.’ 108

Chastain, on the other hand, received mixed publicity. Some media outlets praised her “enthusiastic response,” noting that the spontaneous shirt tossing act had been performed in the past by many male soccer players upon scoring a winning goal. Others chastised her for being immodest and being a bad role model for young girls who play soccer. From her own remarks, Chastain was at that moment focused on herself, for better or worse. For next time: What other virtues did Horn’s and Chastain’s actions violate?

108 http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=garber_greg&id=1690028

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LESSON 39: VIRTUE – TEMPERANCE Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to continue discussing the elements of virtue and its importance within sport. The focus of this lesson will be on examining elements of virtue in playing the game. Second-order questions will focus on the problems, dilemmas, and benefits of practicing temperance, humility, and modesty. From last time: What other virtues did Horn’s and Chastain’s actions violate? We have been discussing disrespectful behavior and the dilemma of humility and “marketing of self” in displaying celebratory activities in the end zone: for example, what is acceptable, what is not, and what are the problems with such behaviors in the views of honorable women. Last time we discussed the antics of Joe Horn and his cell phone call that resulted in a hefty fine and Brandi Chastain’s tearing off her shirt in celebration of a win. It was not the first time Horn had demonstrated his “marketing of self.” In an earlier game, after a score, he pantomimed the firing of a Tommy Gun at the opposing players. Ask: What other virtues were violated by Horn’s behavior and in a lesser sense, Chastain’s behavior? The obvious answer for Horn is that such behavior appeared to say that the opponents and the players are no better than gangsters who need to be eliminated from competition. The not-so-obvious answer has to do with another virtuous behavior: temperance. Ask: What is temperance? Ask several students. They should remember this term from past discussions about sexual relations and alcoholism. A little piece of history is important to share with them:

Perhaps a few will know that there was a temperance movement in the United States just before the Great Depression. All liquor was banned from being sold in the United States. The temperance movement was begun by Carrie Nation,109 who with the Women’s Christian Temperance League and the Anti-Saloon League stormed taverns and applied pressure to end the sale of liquor in the United States. The movement against liquor consumption was not solely about drinking. Saloons, or bars, had proliferated at the beginning of the 20th century, at the rate of one saloon for every 150-200 people in the United States. The establishment of bars also attracted gambling and prostitution in their midst. There were no laws governing access to saloons and taverns. Children were permitted access. In fact, if a father wanted a tankard of beer or ale, he could send his child down to the local bar to get a pint and bring it home. The temperance movement argued for laws to prohibit the sale of liquor and to curb all of the ancillary activities that occurred in saloons. It was hoped that if people couldn’t stop going to saloons, then churches and schools would intercede and stop them from drinking hard liquor. Prohibition was the

109 http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/1900/peopleevents/pande4.html

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result.110 Even though prohibition was short lived, the overall concept of closing saloons did work and simultaneously eliminated opportunities for gambling and prostitution. The amount of alcohol consumption per capita did decrease significantly.111

However, Joe Horn’s Tommy Gun or Brandi Chastain’s shirt incident are not about temperance in relation to alcohol. According to the teachings of St. Thomas Aquinas, temperance - one of the four human virtues - is about restraining from undue impulses. The subordinate species of temperance are: abstinence (moderation in the use of food), sobriety (moderation in the use of “spirituous liquors”), and chastity (regulating appetites in regard to sexual pleasure). However, there are four other virtues related to temperance: continence (restrains the will from consenting to violent movements), humility, meekness (which checks inordinate movements of anger), and modesty (which consists of ordering anger to the direction of reason).112 Temperance in this sense refers to:

… the virtue of moderation and self-control in anything …. Temperance [refers] … to … moderation or self-control, [and] was the characteristic Greek virtue ... Christianity reaffirmed the importance of this virtue, deepening and broadening the Greek conception … to that of humility.113

Our American view of temperance is rooted in our cultural tradition and relates both humility and modesty to temperance. Humility is restraining from one’s own desire to showcase one’s own excellence. Modesty is defined as the absence of arrogance and having a moderate estimate of one’s own worth and importance. According to St. Thomas Aquinas, temperance is about restraint from undue impulses. 114 Joe Horn and Brandi Chastain were both intemperate and immodest, by showing off and spotlighting themselves as being better than and more important than their opponents and teammates. Modesty is reflected in one’s conduct, gestures, language, reading, and thought.115 Joe Horn is boastful and prideful, which is mean-spirited. All of Horn’s actions displayed vices that in reality violated the conventions of sportsmanship. Chastain’s action was intemperate because she highlighted herself rather than the rest of the team. Her action was also intemperate in light of her being a role model for young girls. For next time: What are examples of other post-scoring celebrations that lack modesty and humility?

110 http://prohibition.osu.edu/content/why_prohibition.cfm 111 Ibid. 112 http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/15472a.htm 113 http://www.frostjedi.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=857 114 http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/15472a.htm 115 http://www.pasadenaisd.org/ParentUniversity/parent23.htm

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LESSON 40: VIRTUE – HUMILITY AND MODESTY Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to continue the dialogue on humility and modesty in post-scoring celebrations as well as in all activities on the playing field. Second-order questioning will continue. From last time: What are examples of other post-scoring celebrations that lack modesty and humility? Ask the students this question. They should be able to give numerous examples of such behavior. But to be fair, in many cases the individuals who are doing the celebrating never thought about what their behaviors really meant. Below you will find another example of behavior that displayed a lack of humility:

Former baseball player Reggie Jackson, nicknamed “Mr. October” for his outstanding performances in five World Series,116 said: ‘I represent both the underdog and the overdog in our society’; ‘I have to deal with the magnitude of me’; ‘I didn't come to New York to be a star, I brought my star with me’; ‘I'm the straw that stirs the drink’; ’The only reason I don't like playing in the World Series is I can't watch myself play.’117

Ask: Is Jackson being arrogant or assured? Ask the players for answers. Obviously the answers to these questions will be different for each student. Some individuals will still say it is OK, but then these individuals may have been raised under conditions that supported such behavior without thought as to why it was offensive. One of the elements here is the notion that cultural diversity demands different standards of right and wrong. Ask: Are there different standards of right and wrong? Select different players and let them answer. Hopefully you will get some thoughtful responses such as: if there were different standards of right and wrong, this would mean that there are no universal standards of right and wrong. Remember back to Lesson 2? There are standards or values that are always right and standards that are always wrong. It is always wrong to be abusive to a child. It is always wrong to rape. It is always right to love. According to Richard DeGeorge, cultural diversity has to do with the different cultural perspectives that a multi-racial, multi-ethnic society can bring to us. The power of cultural diversity is the joy we receive in getting to share with other people in their rich traditions. However, cultural diversity does not mean that there are diverse standards of rightness and wrongness.118

116 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reggie_Jackson

117 Jaffe, J. (June 28, 2001). “Reggie Jackson: The magnitude of me.” Futility Infielder.com <home.nyc.rr.com/futility/wall_reggie.html> 118 DeGeorge, R. (1982). Business ethics. 1-25. New York: MacMillan.

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Another error of moral reasoning that occurs quite often has to do with the ability to make an argument and make it “sound good.” Ask: How do you know when an argument is flawed? For example, what is wrong with the following argument to support “celebrations” after scoring?

In his NFL career, Terrell Owens, has executed a number of clever and creative celebrations. When he shoveled show toward the fans in the end zone after scoring one Sunday, it almost seemed like a spontaneous throwback to the innocent days of the late 1990s before foreign objects became part of the scenario. ‘When you go through training camp, you know how grueling that is, you put in all the hard work and you try to score touchdowns on Sunday,’ Owens told ESPN's Jamal Anderson. ‘There are a lot of people who have played this game that don't get into the end zone that much. Getting into the end zone is not an easy thing, so when you get there, you make the best of it. That's me, so long as I am doing something within the confines of the league and not doing something ridiculous, that I'm cool and everybody's enjoying it ... it is entertainment.’119

Ask several students. What is wrong with the argument, “Getting into the end zone is not an easy thing, so when you get there, you make the best of it.” Let the students respond. Owens sounds like a “cool” guy. His argument is based on the notion that no harm was done. It was just for fun. No problem. Write down the statements as to why this behavior is acceptable, or why it is doing no harm. Such statements are typically known as obstacles to moral reasoning. An obstacle, obviously, is something that gets in the way of getting something done. Scoring in sport means overcoming the obstacles made by opponents. If a player cannot overcome the obstacles, scoring does not occur. In moral reasoning, the obstacles to doing “good” reasoning are those reasoning processes we use that may “sound good” but essentially are about helping us get what we want. A typical argument used in the case of Owens is, “It doesn’t hurt anyone.” In this case, the argument states it is OK to violate ethical principles so long as there is no clear and immediate harm to others.120 As long as Owens is not doing anything “ridiculous,” then it’s cool. Another typical argument is, “Everyone’s doing it.” Watch any game on any given Sunday, and innovative celebrations are occurring. “Everyone’s doing it” is a false, "safety in numbers" rationale.121 That attitude is “fed by the tendency to uncritically treat cultural, organizational or occupational behaviors as if they were ethical norms”. 122 However, a norm or standard does not necessarily mean it is “right” or good. Many laws have been passed that were unethical, i.e., the slave laws of the Antebellum South. A norm just tells us that

119 Locke, B. (December 18, 2003). “End zone antics: Why? And should we care?” http://www.bpsports.net/bpcolumn.asp?ID=305 120 http://www.josephsoninstitute.org/MED/MED-5rationalizations.htm 121 Ibid. 122 Ibid.

123many people are doing something. A norm does not tell us if it is acceptable, good, or worthy. For next time: What responsibilities do you have as an athlete and as a representative of this university?

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LESSON 41: VIRTUE – RESPONSIBILITY Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss the virtue of responsibility as a team member. This lesson will discuss hazing, a common practice in any organization in which there is a rite of passage. As responsible members of a team, athletes must be responsible for their conduct in all situations. Second-order questions continue. From last time: What responsibilities do you have as an athlete and as a representative of this university? Ask: What is hazing? Ask several students. Ask: Have you ever been hazed? Note their responses. Probably many of them have been hazed. Ask: What is the difference between initiations and hazing? Ask several students. Initiations are rites of passage that many organizations use to induct a new member. Initiations can be very formal and very prestigious. For example, there is an initiation practice for becoming members of academic honor societies or religious orders. In each of these cases the initiate must meet specific criteria, and in some cases the criteria can be very demanding and difficult. Perhaps some of the students were initiated into some society as high schoolers: Honor societies, Bar Mitzvahs, and so forth. The difference between initiation and hazing has to do with specific debasing activities. According to the “Stop Hazing” organization, hazing is defined as:

…any action taken or situation created, intentionally … to produce mental or physical discomfort, embarrassment, harassment, or ridicule. Such activities may include, but are not limited to, the following: use of alcohol; paddling in any form; creation of excessive fatigue; physical and psychological shocks; quests; treasure hunts; scavenger hunts... wearing of public apparel which is conspicuous and not normally in good taste; engaging in public stunts and buffoonery; morally degrading or humiliating games and activities; and any other activities that are not consistent with … law, ritual, or policy or the regulations and policies of the educational institution.123

Share with your students examples of hazing that you have seen when you were an athlete. I am reminded of one hazing practice that occurred here at Idaho: taping athletes to chairs. It seems that one player was selected each year who was considered to be a “big mouth.” He

123 https://documents.ku.edu/policies/Student_Success/SILC/Greek_Life_Anti-Hazing_Agreement.htm

125 was strapped to a chair, duck taped from head to foot, and left to sit in the chair for a period of time. The purpose was to teach him to be less of a “big mouth” and more of a team player. Most of these hazing conditions start out to be “fun” activities. The problem with hazing is it can get out of hand and individuals are harmed. Ask: How do you decide what acceptable initiation practices are? When do they become hazing? Call on several students and have them respond Ask: What is the policy here on hazing? Below is a typical universal policy on hazing: 124

Hazing is defined as any intentional, negligent or reckless action, or situation which causes another pain, embarrassment, ridicule or harassment, regardless of the willingness of the participant. Such actions and situations include, but are not limited to the following: 1. forcing or requiring the drinking of alcohol or any other

substance; 2. forcing or requiring the eating of food or anything an

individual refuses to eat; 3. calisthenics (push-ups, sit-ups, jogging, runs, etc.); 4. "treeings" (tying someone up and throwing food or other

substances on them); 5. paddle swats; 6. line-ups (yelling at people in any formation or harassing them); 7. forcing or requiring the theft of any property; 8. road trips (dropping someone off to find his own way back); 9. scavenger hunts; 10. permitting less then six (6) continuous, uninterrupted hours

of sleep per night; 11. conducting activities which do not allow adequate time

forstudy (not allowing to go to class, missing group projects, etc.);

12. nudity at any time; 13. running personal errands of the members (driving to class,

cleaning their individual rooms, serving meals, picking up laundry, washing cars, etc.);

14. requiring the violation of University, Federal, State or local law.

HAZING IS AGAINST STATE, FEDERAL, AND LOCAL LAW.

Ask: What are the consequences of being caught “hazing” another player?

124 http://www.uga.edu/~ifc/policies/Chapter%20Hazing%20Compliance%20Form.pdf

126Direct the question to several athletes. Notice that hazing is still hazing even if the individual being hazed thinks “it’s cool.” Being caught “hazing” can result in being dismissed from the university, as well as being subject to a fine and/or court appearance. For next time: What other responsible practices should honorable women follow?

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LESSON 42: HONORABLE RESPONSIBILITY Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to discuss the honorable responsibility of the “W0men of Character” here at the university and its relation to virtuous actions as a “Woman of Character.” Lesson requires second-order questions, which should reflect meaningful thought. From last time: What other responsible practices should honorable women follow? Ask several athletes for their responses and put them on the board. Include responsibility to family, team, school, employment, or career – focusing on the importance of honorable responsibility. Focus on virtue and action accountability that relates to honorable behavior. Focus on the honorable tasks and responses. Ask: What does it mean to be honorable? Honor is based on following consistent principles of morality. Individuals have integrity when they uphold their principles. Honorable behavior is concerned with the “how” or process of achieving goals and objectives. For example, an honorable woman is not concerned with just winning the game – she is concerned with “how” she wins the game. A. Bartlett Giamatti, former commissioner of Major League Baseball, said the purpose of the game is “to toughen the body and temper the soul, to emphasize integrity and develop courage, to be obedient to the letter and the spirit of the rules, so that winning is sweeter still.”125 Let the athletes discuss and challenge different definitions. Honorable behavior relates directly to the purpose of any given situation or objective. “Women of Character” should be able to recognize and define the purpose. All action should follow an honorable purpose or mission. Sport is no different than any other action in this sense. Sport should be about the honorable action of striving for excellence on and off the field of play. As Bob Knight said about sport, “I am not saying that winning isn’t important, but the purpose is not about winning.”126 The purpose of the game is not about winning. Rather, it is about playing the game with excellence. The following is a story about former UCLA basketball coach John Wooden127 and about what it means to have honorable behavior. Read this story to the women:

On Tuesday the best man we know will do what he always does on the 21st of the month. He’ll sit down and pen a love letter to his best girl. He’ll say how much he misses her and loves her and can’t wait to see her again. Then he’ll fold it once, slide it into a little

125 Thomas, C. (1973). Sport in a philosophic context. Philadelphia: Lea & Febiger. 126 Bobby Knight, televised interview.

127 Wooden. J. R. & Wooden, J. (1997). Wooden: A lifetime of observation and reflections on and off the court. Chicago: Contemporary Publishing Group.

128envelope and walk into his room. He’ll go to stack of love letters sitting there on her pillow, untie the yellow ribbon again. The stack is now 180 letters high then, because Tuesday is 15 years to the day since Nellie, his beloved wife of 53 years, died. In her memory he sleeps only on his half of the bed, only his pillow, only his top of the sheets, never between, with just the old bedspread they shared to keep warm. There’s never been a finer man in American sports than John Wooden, or finer coach. He won 10 NCAA basketball championships at UCLA, the last in 1975. Nobody has come within six of him. He won 88 straight games between January 30, 1971, and January 17, 1974. Nobody has come within 42 since. So, sometimes, when Basketball Madness gets to be too many players trying to make assists, too few coaches willing to be mentors, too few freshmen who will stay in school long enough to become men – I like to go see Coach Wooden. I visit him in his little condo in Encino, 20 minutes northwest of Los Angeles, and hear him say things like “Gracious Sakes alive” and tell stories about teaching “Lewis” the hook shot. Lewis Alcindor, that is … who would become Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. There has never been another coach like Wooden, quiet as an April snow and square as a game of checker; loyal to one woman, one school, and one way; walking around campus in his sensible shoes and Jimmy Stewart morals. He’d spend a half hour the first day of practice teaching his men how to put on a sock. “Wrinkles can lead to blisters,” he’d warn. These huge players would sneak looks at another and roll their eyes. Eventually, they’d do it right. “Good,” he’d say, “and now for the other foot.” Of the 180 players who played for him, Wooden knows the whereabouts of 172. Of course, it’s not hard when most of them call, checking on his health, secretly hoping to hear some of his simple life lessons so that they can write them on the lunch bags of their kids, who will roll their eyes. “Discipline yourself, others won’t need to,” Coach would say. “Never lie, never cheat, never steal. Earn the right to be proud and confident.” If you played for him, you played by his rules; never without acknowledging a teammate. One word of profanity and you’re done for the day. Treat your opponent with respect. He believed in hopelessly out-of-date stuff that never did anything but win championships. No dribbling behind the back or through the legs. “There is no need,” he’d say. No UCLA basketball number was retired under his watch. “What about the fellows who wore that number before? Didn’t they contribute to the team?” he’d say. No long hair, no facial hair.

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“They take too long to dry, and you could catch a cold leaving the gym.” That one drove his players bonkers. One day, All-American center Bill Walton showed up with a full beard. “It’s my right,” he insisted. Wooden asked if he believed that strongly. Walton said that he did. “That is good, Bill,” Coach said. “I admire people who have strong beliefs and stick by them, I really do. We’re going to miss you.” Now Walton calls once a week to tell Coach he loves him. It’s always too soon when you have to leave the condo and go back out into the real world, where the rules are so much grayer and the teams so much worse. As Wooden shows you the door, you take one last look around. The framed report cards of his great-grandkids, the box of jelly beans peeking out from under the favorite wooden chair, the dozens of pictures of Nellie. He’s almost 90 now. You think a little more hunched over than last time. Steps are a little smaller. You hope it’s not the last time you see him. He smiles. “I’m not afraid to die,” he says. “Death is my only chance to be with her again.” The problem is we still need him here.128

Ask: What was Coach Wooden’s purpose in how he coached? Get several students to respond. Focus on Wooden’s importance to the process and the purpose of college sports. The means of the activity and the purpose have to be honorable in nature. Coach Wooden taught people to respect each other, the school, the coaches, the players and the opponents with the same honorable standards no matter what. Ask: How does knowing what is right relate to honorable responsibility? Split the class into halves; let each develop a list of responses to this question. After 5-6 minutes, come back together as a group and compare the differences and similarities between their responses. Emphasize the merit and respect involved with responsibility. An honorable “Woman of Character” knows for what she is accountable; she acts on what she knows is right and has the character not only to take action for herself and others, but also to take the blame for mistakes and wrong doings. To be honorable and responsible is to be accountable for both the good and the bad. For next time: What does responsibility mean for a “Woman of Character” in regard to her family and her teammates?

128 Jamison, e-mail.

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LESSON 43: RESPONSIBILITY: FAMILY, AND TEAMMATES Purpose: This lesson will help athletes reflect on their responsibilities to their families and teammates. By focusing on these examples of responsibility, each athlete should be able to articulate the different segments of being part of a family unit, and why it is important to value these responsibilities. From last time: What does responsibility mean for a “Woman of Character” in regard to her family and her teammates? Ask several women individually to respond to this question. Responsibility could focus on different parameters regarding family, including economics and fiscal responsibility as well as love and commitment. Family units are important for mental, social, and physical health. We have discussed the financial responsibility of raising children – especially those in single parent households. What about the love and commitment necessary in a family? Ask: Why is love so important to us as human beings? Notice we are not talking about sex, but love. Why is love so necessary in a family? The family draws its strength from the definitive covenant founded on and verified by love. 129 Ask: What happens to family when there is no love or responsibility? “The crisis of the family causes a crisis in society. Many pathological phenomena, from aberrant behavior to violence to drugs, are explained by the fact that the nuclear family has lost its identity and function. Where the family diminishes, society loses its connective tissue. This has disastrous consequences which destroy people, especially the weakest; from children, to adolescents, to the handicapped, to the sick and aged.”130 In a “Letter to Women,” interpersonal relationships are described as those “that develop in the family and occur when each person is entrusted with a specific job, … the importance that they hold in the reciprocal spousal relationship and in the communal responsibility of … parents determines greatly what each individual will become.”131 We can also use the family examples above in relation to the team. Review examples of responsibility regarding the team. Ask: What are the responsibilities of being part of the team? They include working hard, sacrificing, keeping up with academics, off-field training, knowing your position, and being both a team player and a role model for their teammates and the community. Have the women make a list of their responsibilities, then ask why they value each one they list.

129 http://www.cin.org/jp2/jp991201.html 130 Ibid. 131 Ibid.

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Say: A family nourishes and supports us. They can sometimes see our hidden talents and urge us to use them successfully. It is when our family support is constructive that we are able to use our gifts in service to others.132 Hopefully their responses on their lists will indicate the importance of “value” in accountability and responsibility dealing with family and their team. Ask: How are you accountable to your family similarly to being accountable to your team? The key concept is placing value on each of the unit structures; people who value their families are therefore accountable to them. A student-athlete who is accountable for her team values the team along with its functions and usefulness. Have the women list five different things they value when it comes to family. Have five or six of the women list their responses on the board. Respond to each one of their answers by comparing and emphasizing the reasoning behind their answers. Show how virtue directly relates to actions. Use these examples of responsibility and accountability to discuss these complexities. Some typical values of responsibility include caring, respect, and commitment. Ask: Why does “caring” affect responsibility? When people care and value their family, there is more of a sense of accountability not only for their current family unit (mother, father, and siblings), but more so for the family that they have made or have yet to make. When an individual cares she will have more accountability. Ask: Why does “respect” affect responsibility? If the athlete respects her partner, mother, father, and so forth, she will be more responsible; responsibility and accountability are tied to respect. If you respect something or someone you have a greater chance of taking accountability. Ask: Why does “commitment” affect responsibility? Responsibility can also be triggered by feelings about the future. The future of the group or person is directly affected by the accountability of today. People often say, “Well, if I don’t do something about this, there will not be a group at all.” This sense of responsibility is about “tradition” and “legacy” that connects current behavior to future generations. Ask: What do you value most about the team? Why? Have the women write down five things. Go around the room and have each one read her list.

132 Crossin, J. W. (1998). Walking in virtue. Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press.

132For next time: What responsibilities does a “Woman of Character” have to her community?

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LESSON 44: COMMUNITY RESPONSIBILITIES Purpose: This lesson is designed to recognize the responsibilities that a woman of character has to her community. This lesson is also designed to help the women define their responsibilities to their communities. From last time: What responsibilities does a “Woman of Character” have to her community? Ask the students to w rite their responses on a piece of paper. Then, have them read their responses aloud. The idea is to get them focused on responsibilities that have to do with others, with the people around them. Try to get the students to think about their roles as community members. Ask: Why is it important to give back to the community? For any community to work there must be a great deal of cooperation toward a specific goal. St. Francis de Sales compared this cooperation with sailing ships. We have to do our part: load the supplies, set the course and shim up the sails. The fate of God provides the energy, putting the wind in our sails, while providing the means for us to reach our goals.133 Pick three athletes to respond. Follow their responses with “why” it is important to give back to the community and the importance of having “honor” in all aspects of life, in everything that each individual does in life. If you are not giving back to the community, are you doing any “good?” Below are examples of traditional community responsibilities. Use these examples in relation to the team, school, city or town, work place, and the family environment. Pride – Why is pride a good family trait? Take pride in where you live and the surrounding environment. If you and your family have pride in where you live, you will obligate and be accountable for the area that you live. Is the purpose just to take care of yourself; is that what a “Woman of Character” is all about? Make sure to inject what a community is (team, school, etc.; each specific unit is a community within itself). Compassion for others – Why is compassion for others important? The other people who share the common bond of living in the same area should care about the welfare of others in your surrounding community. Tradition – What role does tradition play in any community? Being accountable to your community means you are taking responsibility toward others who will live in the same area in the future. The legacy and traditions are part of what it means to be responsible in your community. Sharing – Why is sharing important in a community family?

133 Crossin, J. W. (1998). Walking in virtue. Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press.

134In a community we share many things: space, resources, schools, churches, and daycares. By sharing resources and services we have a responsibility to respect and act accountable toward our neighbors and the surrounding community. Ask: Many professional athletes open foundations – because you open a foundation does that mean you’re a being responsible for your local community? What does it mean to open a foundation in your community? Get the students responses. The underlining purpose behind many athletic foundations is the tax savings that are involved because of an athlete’s high tax bracket. Point out the importance of the purpose in giving back to the community. Foundations can be a great function to give to the local community but such foundations should have “honorable purposes.” Just because athletes open foundations does not mean they are giving back to the community. For next time: What are the responsibilities in regard to being a part of a fellowship?

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LESSON 45: RESPONSIBILITIES OF FELLOWSHIP Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to introduce the concepts of responsibility within the theoretical framework of fellowship. This should be an open discussion lesson that explores the basic concepts of fellowship and their connection to the students’ responsibilities as “Women of Character.” From last time: What are the responsibilities in regard to being a part of a fellowship? Ask: What is fellowship? Guide the discussion to address the fellowship that occurs by playing and competing in sport. According to J. W. Crossin, a fellowship consists of kindred spirits that are moved to work together to accomplish an honorable task. It is through good relationships that we can begin to develop the nucleus essential for human happenings.134 As human beings we are most like ourselves when we are united with each other. This is the whole key to the team experience. As a player you will best understand yourself by understanding and learning from others. Serving others is characteristic of true leadership.135 Ask: How does being a member of a team help develop fellowship? Help the women emphasize the bond that occurs between teammates, as well as between players and coaches, in the development of a fellowship. Ask: How does responsibility or accountability relate to having a fellowship bond? Ask several students and write responses on the board. The uncommon bond that occurs within the fellowship of a team creates a special and unique value. In a fellowship, accountability comes from the mutual respect individuals share, as well as being part of something that is unique and special. Ask: Because of fellowship, does your responsibility for others on your team stop when you are off the field or out of competition? Get several responses from the women. Hopefully they will respond with examples found in a fellowship that enhance accountability toward others in the group, which results from this unique bond. Ask: Why do you feel more accountability in having a fellowship?

134 Crossin, J. W. (1998). Walking in virtue. Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press. 135 Crossin, J. W. (2002). Everyday virtue. New York: Paulist Press

136 Emphasize the uniqueness of serving. That purpose and standard is difficult for so many to uphold, but it makes them come together as a group. A fellowship is special; there is more value placed on the group bond and the athletes in turn feel more accountable for each other and the entire team. For next time: What responsibilities does a “Woman of Character” have as a follower?

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LESSON 46: FOLLOWER RESPONSIBILITY Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to introduce “follower” in relation to responsibility and the group dynamic of being a part of your team. Discuss in an open forum the accountability involved with the dynamic of being a follower. From last time: What responsibilities does a “Woman of Character” have as a follower? Ask several students, then pick three answers and write them on the board Ask: What is a follower? Being a follower tells a great deal about whom you are as a person. Everyone is a follower of something or someone. The standards, goals, and objectives of those we choose to follow are reflections of our character. Our contentment to follow is a “trust” – a trust that the honorable character of the individual or standard which we are following also has an honorable purpose. Define follower. Let them discuss and write the answers on the board. Focus on answers that revolve around the concept of “purpose” and its relation to responsibilities of following a person or group. Discuss the importance of following “honorable pursuits” and the accountability of the follower to acknowledge the importance of following honorable purposes. As a follower, it is my responsibility to ask, “Do I belong in this group?” Ask: Why is this concept important in being a follower? When we follow, one decides following must be better than what she is capable of doing alone. When we follow we are mainly students of the leader, doing what is important to the leader of the group. Thus, it is imperative to know when to follow and when to lead. Ask: Why is it important to understand when to follow and when to lead? From their responses, inject the importance of the follower’s responsibilities in terms of “honorable purpose.” There is honorable purpose not only in following an individual, but in following the standards and guidelines of institutions, the team, and one’s self.