The psychological wellbeing of orphans in Malawi:

‘Forgetting’ as a means of recovering from parental death

Eleanor Hutchinson

Research Fellow in Health Policy

Department of Global Health and Development

London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine

15-17 Tavistock Place, London WC1H 9SH

Tel: +44 20 7927-2534

Fax: +44 20 7637 5391

eleanor.hutchinson@lshtm.ac.uk

Abstract

Despite the good deal of research on children affected by HIV AIDS and on orphans in

particular, there is little detailed information about the micro level, local models through

which children are expected to recover psychologically from the loss of their parents. We

have known for many years, for example, that the majority of children are being cared

for within their extended families. However, we know little about how this transition is

expected to occur, what adults and children do to help orphans to fit into these new

families, and what social and psychological mechanisms are relied upon. Drawing on

anthropological field research undertaken on the outskirts of Lilongwe, Malawi, this

paper examines mechanisms through which Malawian children are expected to recover

psychologically from the deaths of their parents by forgetting their past and problems;

and taking on (and being taken on by) new parents. Through the analysis of forgetting,

the paper demonstrates the interdependence of psychological, economic and social

recovery.

Keywords: Orphans, psychology, forgetting, anthropology.

Introduction:

Over the last twenty years research on orphans in sub-Saharan Africa has developed a

considerable understanding of local systems of care in a variety of social contexts.

This research is reflected in national and international policies which stipulate the

importance of providing programmes which complement, rather than undermine

informal social systems providing orphan-care. Yet, in the development of a new

literature on the psychology of orphans in sub-Saharan Africa, attention to local

socio-cultural systems, which manage the psychological impact of parental death on

children has been noticeably absent (Chitiyo, Changara, & Chitiyo, 2008; L. D.

Cluver, Gardner, & Operario, 2008; M. Daniel, 2005; Kaggwa & Hindin, in press;

Kumakech, Cantor-Graae, Maling, & Bajunirwe, 2009). Building on concerns first

identified in the 1990s (Danziger, 1994; Hunter, 1990; Sengundo & Nambi, 1997),

this new body of knowledge relies heavily on conceptual frameworks with

universalist assumptions about emotion and grieving (L. Cluver & Gardner, 2007; L.

D. Cluver, et al., 2008; Kaggwa & Hindin, in press; Kumakech, et al., 2009; Wild,

2001).

In both research design and analysis, attention to cross-cultural difference and

meaning making has been absent, and writers have interpreted a lack of knowledge of

Western psychology and therapeutic intervention as a deficiency in “resources to deal

with the psychological effect of this loss” (Kaggwa & Hindin, in press). In providing

suggestions for policy and intervention, authors place an emphasis on projects that

enable children to undertake memory work using objects (such as memory boxes) and

talk therapies (on both an individual and group basis) (M Daniel, Malinga Apila,

Bjorgo, & Lie, 2007). These are considered important interventions that benefit

orphaned children in southern Africa, helping them to remember their parents and

challenge a destructive silence and denial that traditionally surrounds death in Africa

(M Daniel, et al., 2007; Wild, 2001).

Anthropologists and psychiatrists interested in cross cultural difference argue

that that the ways in which emotional life is interpreted is a culturally constructed,

historically and socially bound process (Englund, 1998; Summerfield, 2000). They

show how psychosocial adjustment to, and recovery from very stressful experiences

such as war, violence and death is possible through particular socio-cultural meaning

systems, structures and resources. Moreover, these adjustments can be achieved

through non-discursive means (Englund, 1998; Nordanger, 2007; Summerfield, 2000;

Weiss, 1997).

In this context, the introduction of western modes of verbalising and working

through traumatic memories into societies in which silence and distraction is expected

to facilitate psychological recovery has the potential to undermine local coping

systems and exacerbate problems (Englund, 1998; Nordanger, 2007; Summerfield,

2000). Any provision of psychological intervention should therefore occur within a

context in which there is a deep respect for local systems of recovery (Englund, 1998;

Nordanger, 2007; Summerfield, 2000). Without such detailed knowledge of local

systems of recovery to support orphans in sub-Saharan Africa, psychological

programmes for orphaned children risk making a difficult situation worse.

This paper focuses on local processes of recovery in Malawi, and in particular

the notion that children should be encouraged “to forget” (kuiwala) about the past,

their loss, and their orphan-hood. The importance placed on forgetting across the sub-

Saharan African region has been largely unexplored in the literature on orphans and

has been interpreted as a form of repression - a signal that communities are failing to

cope as in the face of the AIDS pandemic (M. Daniel, 2005; Howard, Matinhure,

McCurdy, & Johnson, 2006). Using case material I show how in Lilongwe, Malawi

the emphasis placed on forgetting does not necessarily represent the inherent

vulnerability of orphans, but is better understood as part of a range of activities

through which children (more or less successfully) negotiate complex and difficult

situations which arise following the death(s) of their parent(s). Exploring the concept

in detail, the paper argues that the process of forgetting about being an orphan and the

problems associated with orphan-hood has a range of meanings: it is a goal of orphan-

care, reflects psychological wellbeing, and is important for the maintenance of good

social relationships and reflects the kindness of orphan-carers. To make sense of these

various meanings of forgetting, I argue that “forgetting” about orphan-hood is best

understood as being part of a broad social process through which interdependent

psychological, economic and social recovery takes place, rather than as part of a

dangerous “conspiracy of silence”.

Literature review:

Within the literature on children affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa, two perspectives

have emerged on the provision of care for orphaned children (Abebe, 2010). The first,

the social rupture thesis, rests on a perception of the inherent vulnerability of children.

It constructs an image of the nuclear and extended family as having essentially

collapsed, and society as (potentially at least) under threat from unsocialised,

psychologically damaged children living outside the home and without adequate

parental care (Abebe, 2010; Ennew, 2000; Evans, 2005; Meintjes & Giese, 2006;

Panter- Brick, 2000). The second perspective emerged in response to the analytical

deficiencies of the first, and in recognition of the fact that societies with relatively

advanced HIV/AIDS epidemics were not experiencing social breakdown in the way

that the social rupture thesis had predicted (Abebe, 2010; Bray, 2003; Chirwa, 2002;

Meintjes & Giese, 2006). This second group is more interested in understanding

social resilience: the coping mechanisms and strategies which children and adults

employ to manage HIV related adversity. From this perspective both children and

adults are viewed as social actors (rather than as passive victims) who respond to

crises in relation to their particular cultural, social and economic context. The ways in

which (extended) families shift their patterns of care, and children move between

households to access support has been explored in detail (N. Ansell & Young, 2004;

Chirwa, 2002; Meintjes & Giese, 2006; L van Blerk & Ansell, 2006; L. Van Blerk &

Ansell, 2007). The importance of social networks and the gendered nature of care

giving has been examined, showing how a lack of family network can leave carers

and children vulnerable, but also demonstrating how support is provided to female

carers by neighbours and friends. (Evans, 2005), The reciprocal relationships which

orphans may have with their care givers has also been examined, detailing the ways in

which orphan children both provide inputs into families and seek care within them

(Abebe, 2010)

Evidence of a social emphasis placed on orphaned children to forget grief has

been interpreted both as a sign of social rupture (M. Daniel, 2005; Howard, et al.,

2006), and as a coping strategy (Fjermestad & Kvestad, 2002; Kayombo, Z.H., &

Massila, 2005), but has not been explored in detail in either framework. In Botswana,

Zimbabwe, Uganda and Tanzania, the importance of orphans forgetting has been

associated with both young children and youths (M. Daniel, 2005). It has been

identified as a desired outcome of a series of activities, which also includes sociability

and gift giving, and which occurs close to the time of the death of a child’s mother

(M. Daniel, 2005; Kayombo, et al., 2005). Forgetting is an ideal valued by orphaned

children in Zimbabwe and Uganda (Fjermestad & Kvestad, 2002; Howard, et al.,

2006). Children are helped to forget by adults both within and outside their kin group

(Fjermestad & Kvestad, 2002; Kayombo, et al., 2005) and it has been interpreted as a

means through which children grow into socially competent beings: a process

perceived of as being crucial to their psychological recovery. It can be achieved

through the provision of protective, magical objects given to orphans to ward off the

dead and ghosts and also as an outcome of story-telling (in particular about orphaned

children’s successes), poetry, drama and music (Kayombo, et al., 2005). Forgetting

also coincides with attempts to build a positive attitude towards the future (Fjermestad

& Kvestad, 2002; Kayombo, et al., 2005)).

In contrast to the relatively underdeveloped literature on orphans and

forgetting, there is a considerable body of knowledge on forgetting as a social process

within anthropology. For anthropologists interested in the role of memory during the

grieving process, the deliberate and socially purposeful nature of forgetting is at the

heart of much of the analysis. This contrasts strongly with psychological literature in

which forgetting is considered a passive and uncontrolled act (Battaglia, 1993; Behar,

1991; Carsten, 1995; Weiss, 1997). Forgetting the deceased may be achieved over a

number of years (Carsten, 1995); or it may begin soon after death, through rituals

intended to prevent memories of the deceased (Battaglia, 1993; Englund, 1998;

Weiss, 1997).

According to Englund (1998), one of the desired outcomes of funerals in

Malawi is to enable survivors to forget (kuiwala), a process with historical precedent

as identified by Marwick in Malawi some thirty years earlier (Englund, 1998).

Weiss’ notes a similar process among the Haya in Northwest Tanzania, with an

emphasis also placed on preventing memories of the deceased (Weiss, 1997).

The importance of forgetting has also been noted as a response to the wider

category of traumatic events, which includes death and torture in Tigray, Ethiopia

(Nordanger, 2007). In this context, three mechanisms to achieve a state of forgetting

have been identified: diverted thinking, distraction and future investment (Nordanger,

2007). The first is very straight-forward, efforts are made to divert the mind to

hopeful or soothing thoughts. The second emphasises sociability, and can be achieved

by working, going out, seeing others and being amused by them. Finally, investing in

the future, working hard to replace that which has been lost (social relationships,

money and educational opportunities), facilitates recovery and forgetting (Nordanger,

2007, p. 554). Nordanger’s work is particularly useful in that it binds together a

refusal to focus mentally on the traumatic event; the importance of maintaining

sociability and reconstructing social relationships; and recouping economic losses as a

means to recover from a traumatic event.

Methods

This paper is based on findings from ethnographic research conducted with

orphans and their carers in Malawi over a fifteen-month period beginning in October

2001. It is part of a wider study which explored the social construction of the identity

of orphan and daily lives of orphaned children who were the subjects of projects

seeking to provide care. This paper draws on one of the themes identified during the

analysis: the emphasis placed on supporting children to forget their parents and

problems associated with their orphan-hood.

The fieldwork was concentrated in an area some five kilometres squared on

the outskirts of Lilongwe city that was subject to four different orphan-care projects:

an orphanage run by an international Non Governmental Organisation (NGO), a

community based project run by an international NGO, a home based care project run

by a local convent, and an orphan school run by the local community with support

from a church in the United States of America. The orphanage operated a programme

of child sponsorship, and the children in their care would often have a western

sponsor who would send gifts, and sometimes come to visit.

Research methods included participant observation of everyday life, and key

events (political rallies, community meetings, marriages and funerals); semi

structured interviews with 30 orphaned youths (using network charts adapted from

Wallman, 1984 and specially designed life history charts); semi structured interviews

with 20 orphaned children (using network charts adapted from Wallman, 1984); and 5

focus group discussions with adults caring for orphaned children (Wallman, 1984).

Field notes, the transcripts of interviews, and focus group discussions were analysed

thematically alongside newspaper articles and the transcripts of popular songs about

orphans which were analysed as cultural texts.

This paper draws on field notes and semi-structured interviews with orphans

and their carers during which the notion of forgetting was described. Talking to

children about the impact of their parents’ deaths on their lives was inevitably

emotive and difficult. This was compounded by the emphasis placed on supporting

children to forget, as notions that painful discussion about parental death may be

cathartic did not transfer cross culturally (Nicola Ansell & Van Blerk, 2005). In terms

of protecting children from unnecessarily uncomfortable experiences, the length of

time spent on data collection was valuable. Relationships were developed with the

children prior to their participation in interviews, and it was made clear at the

beginning and during the interviews that the children could leave at any time or refuse

to answer a particular question or group of questions. The names of the informants

and places have been changed to provide anonymity.

Case material:

Forgetting about problems

The first case describes the benefits of forgetting about problems associated

with orphan-hood and not talking about the death of a parent. In this instance, the act

of forgetting is described as something that an individual has power over and the

associated lack of talk (about parental death) is considered to be an important,

positive, non-verbal communication between the orphaned child and the people

surrounding them.

Chikondi (approximately 15 years old) lived in the village beyond the orphanage with his

mother, older sister and her daughter, his two younger sisters and brother of seven. One

afternoon with his younger friend Notice and Notice’s two younger cousins, Chikondi

discussed the variety of work that children living in the surrounding poor area might do.

As a group, the boys considered that there was little difference between the levels of

poverty of orphaned and non-orphaned children. They disagreed with the proposition that

orphaned children had to work more than other children: the difference, they considered,

had to do with whether the family was poor or not. Chikondi explained that the

difference between orphans and non-orphans was that orphans worry more than other

children. He did not elaborate on what these worries might be but instead talked about

the process of worrying and the importance of not sharing these worries with other

people. He said that most orphans would not tell other people that they were worried, nor

talk in detail about the fact that their parent(s) had died. This, he argued, was because if

orphans talk about problems that relate to or grow out of their parent’s death, then people

would think that they want to be orphans. If he kept telling people about his problems

then the problems would continue forever, they would never be forgotten. He finished by

stating that it was possible to go mad if problems were not forgotten.

According to Chikondi, forgetting and not talking about parental death had

both a psychological and a social imperative. Actively forgetting about problems

associated with his parents death was considered by him to be key to his making a

psychological recovery: if they are not forgotten, problems remain present (rather than

in the past) and become powerfully damaging to ones mental health. Keeping quiet

about problems associated with his father’s death was also central to maintaining

social relationships, showing others that he didn’t want to be an orphan and that he

was unhappy that his father had died. Within this framework forgetting is paramount

and acts of remembering (worrying and talking about problems associated with the

death of his parents) are psychologically and socially damaging.

Forgetting about orphan-hood

Forgetting was, however, not only about an individual child acting to recover,

it could also be a positive outcome that adults could help children to achieve. In this

second description about the importance of forgetting, an orphan living in the

orphanage, Grace, identifies forgetting as part of a process in which her grandfather

socialized with her, took note of her mood and helped her take her mind off her

sorrows; acts that communicated to her that he loved her.

During an interview with Grace (a 16 year old double orphan) carried out to map her

social network, she identified her maternal grandfather as a central adult in her life, both

before and after her parents’ deaths. When I interviewed her she lived in the orphanage

but described how she was always particularly glad to visit her grandfather during the

school holidays. When pressed she stated that this was because he spent much time

helping her to forget that she was an orphan. Prompted again, she went on to explain this

involved a simple process: if she were sitting quietly then he would take her into the

family garden to laugh and joke with her and show her how to farm. She considered that

this was important as it helped her to know that he loved her because it showed that he

was concerned with her happiness and wellbeing.

In this instance, forgetting is not attached to problems associated with orphan-

hood, as it was described by Chikondi, but rather to the identity of orphan itself.

Grace considers that it is possible to forget this part of her identity as a direct outcome

of acts of love and kindness from a close, adult relative. For Grace, the process of

forgetting is ongoing; her grandfather’s help is not an isolated incident with a

conclusion. Rather than being controlled by the individual, forgetting occurs as the

result of sociability, laughter and joking.

In the third example, below, an idealised description of a child forgetting is

given by an adult. Here the importance of adult- child relationships in facilitating

forgetting and recovery is developed through the presentation of the way in which an

orphan could take on a new parent.

Forgetting about your past

Since it opened in the early 1990s the orphanage had spent a considerable

effort developing a system to introduce orphaned children to the workers (known as

‘mothers’) assigned to care for them. While institutional in structure, the orphanage

based its care on providing a new ‘mother’ for orphaned children. This process

coincided with the orphanage’s policy, but also reflected local mechanisms of care in

Malawi, which placed an emphasis on providing orphaned children with new parents.

The process of the child meeting the orphanage ‘mother’ for the first time had been

developed by a social worker who explained the way in which it worked as follows:

Social Worker: …Normally I take the mother to the village when I am going to collect

the child. I tell the mother not to forget to take prepared food, clothes, soap, Vaseline and

a comb plus money- for maybe a soft drink or juice when we stop somewhere. We go to

the village and when we go there we do the revision of the discussion (about the adoption

of the child) and as we are doing that the mother asks for water and takes the child,

bathes the child, put on the clothes and they sit and eat together with the mother- and

they ask if there is a place where she can start chatting with the children. They sit on the

mat and eat together and the child is looking at himself how he is dressed and the type of

food that he is eating and they already start talking. The mother says I am your mother,

you will live with me, anything that you want it is me who answers you, we will go

together, we have brothers and sisters in my house you will be going to school, you will

be playing games ….all those nice stories and the child eats with interest now.

EH: Is it hard for the children when they leave their homes?

Social Worker: It is hard for those who are 8 years, 7 years but it doesn’t take a long

time: it is the language a mother uses, the smile that the Mother uses. When they enter at

the gate they see that the place is totally different: it is very exciting, beautiful: they go

into the house: this is your room this is your bed this is your blanket…..and they find

everything exciting, all those problems are gone and the orphan starts healing.

……When they grow up and are 13-14 it is when we start to tell them their history

because we know that it is easy for them to understand and give them a chance to see

their relatives.

The social worker provided an idealised description of a meeting between an

orphan and a new carer that is expected to precipitate a successful healing process is

characterised by the vanishing of past problems. Whereas the relationship between

social relations and forgetting was paramount in the first two cases (forgetting

ensuring good social relationships and good social relationships facilitating

forgetting), here we see the addition of the important role that economic security plays

in this process. The woman taking over the care of the child explicitly states her new

role as the child’s mother, and that she will bring others to form close social

relationships with the child. As she declares this new relationship to the child, gifts

are given: clothes, food, soap and money. Yet the recovery is also enabled by

significant material goods: the child has a place within a new house (with a bed and

blanket), and is promised that the mother will respond to requests for things that the

child might want. Combined, the new mother and the material resources enable

problems to vanish, a process which in turn enables the child to heal.

Unlike Chikondi’s presentation of forgetting as something that must be done

actively to secure peace of mind, or Grace’s description of it as an ongoing process,

forgetting is presented an outcome - the child will have forgotten to the extent that,

several years later, they must be reminded of their past.

While the social worker presented an idealised meeting between child and new

mother, in reality many children at the orphanage had rather difficult relationships

with the women who cared for them. Grace, for example, had overheard her

orphanage mother telling a friend that she worked at the orphanage, leaving Grace

certain that the woman did not want to be her new mother, but was only there for

financial gain. Below we examine what happens when forgetting failed at the

orphanage. The case of Charity continues Grace’s notion of forgetting and

remembering as an ontological issue and the important role that material resources

and social relationships play in this process.

Being reminded of orphan-hood

Like Grace, Charity also lived in the orphanage. During the fieldwork her English

sponsor and his wife came to visit. Like Charity, the couple were Pentecostal Christians;

and their common religious affiliation was the basis of many of their discussions and

described by them both as key to the immediate bond that they felt between them. On

their arrival, the sponsors gave Charity gifts of school books, pencils and clothes and on

their departure they promised that they would pay for her to visit the UK, a considerable

privilege and much discussed by the orphanage staff.

A month and a half after the sponsors’ visit Charity started to complain that the

orphanage authorities were trying to block her visit to the UK by saying that she was

unwell and too sick to travel. During one informal discussion she explained that this was

not true and that they were jealous of her good fortune and wished to stop her going to

Europe. She also connected their jealousy to other problems that she was having,

explaining that she and her age mates had been accused of meeting boys after church and

had had their privileges taken away from them. Their allowances were cut and they were

not allowed to leave the orphanage compound for two months. Charity complained

bitterly about the punishments and about the postponement of her trip to Europe. She

argued that the people at the orphanage did not care for her, and they were cruel. She

summed up her position at the orphanage by saying that the cruelty that she had

experienced reminded her that she was an orphan. She then broadened this into saying

that the children at the orphanage were not cared for properly, that they were truly

orphaned children.

At no time did Charity report that the orphanage staff had, during these

difficult weeks, commented directly on her status as orphan or refer to the fact that her

parents had died. Rather, echoing and reversing the description of the way in which

Grace’s grandfather’s kind behaviour had helped the girl to forget that she was an

orphan, here the difficult relationship between Charity and the staff reminded the girl

of her status as orphan. Chikondi’s description of the association between keeping

quiet about problems (associated with orphan-hood) and the maintenance of good

social relationships also seems to be reformulated here: just as talk about the problems

associated with orphan-hood (an act of remembering) had a negative impact on social

relationships; problematic social relationships can cause children to remember that

they are orphans. Again, there is an economic aspect to the process of forgetting and

remembering, the adults that surrounded Charity were considered by her to have

halted her access to gifts (her airfare), taken away her money and, most crucially

perhaps, blocked her access to a wealthy patron. This was the antithesis of the gift

giving and economic security presented by the social worker in her description of

children’s entrance to the orphanage.

Discussion

The data above shows that the social rupture thesis is largely unfounded and

that orphans’ psychological needs are being addressed, albeit through a socio-cultural

system that stands in marked contrast to Western psychology where remembering and

discussing past traumatic events is considered therapeutic. Over the fourteen months

of fieldwork in Lilongwe, I met no child who displayed photographs of their deceased

parents, had objects associated with them or deemed discussions about their parents to

be helpful. Rather than commemorating and remembering the deceased, forgetting

about their parents and their orphan-hood was considered a positive means through

which children recover and by which their recovery could be measured.

Nordanger’s (2006) description of the mechanisms used to achieve a state of

forgetting is useful. Thoughts can be diverted through individual effort (like

Chikondi) or through sociability (as in the case of Grace, or the description of the

social worker). Replacing the parent-child relationship, providing material goods, and

having positive social relationships are central (as described by the social worker);

while poor social relationships and the denial of access to gifts leave a child unable to

forget about their status as orphan (as Charity considered).

The cases demonstrate the important roles that adults play in this process.

While orphans described being comforted by other children, the process of forgetting

could be facilitated or disrupted only by the orphaned child themselves or by adults.

The role that adults play in helping children to forget makes sense of the reason why

Chikondi placed such an emphasis on forgetting as an internal struggle. No one had

come forward to support his family financially or to take on a parenting role after the

death of his father. With no adult to help him to forget, it was left for him to struggle

alone to forget the problems associated with the death of his father.

Finally, the idea that forgetting facilitates recovery from parental loss appears

closely related to local concepts about the fluidity of the identity of orphaned children.

In the West, once the identity orphan is conferred upon a child it is fixed and

immoveable. In Malawi children are considered to be orphans temporarily, and only

before they become successfully incorporated into a new family, at which point the

child will no longer be described as an orphan (Chirwa, 2002). The notion of

forgetting appears to be an important aspect of the meaning making surrounding this

entry to a new family: orphan-hood must be forgotten allowing the past to be cast off,

and creating space for a new household, and new social relationships to be formed.

Conclusion

The interest in orphaned children’s psychological needs in Southern Africa is

currently dominated by a universalist paradigm in which undertaking memory work is

considered to be central to enabling recovery. Yet, in Malawi, recovery from parental

death is expected to be facilitated by supporting orphans to forget rather than

remember.

If emotional life is understood as cross culturally variable then achieving a

state of forgetting may be a positive outcome of a social process. From this

perspective, it is possible to illicit a range of factors which support children and

provide psychosocial protection to them during a highly stressful period: refusing to

focus on traumatic events, being sociable, and joining a new family in which

economic and social needs are met.

Questions remain as to how this system of forgetting is developing and

changing, and how it is manifest across southern Africa. There is evidence that it is

not confined to Malawi. However, socio-cultural processes necessarily shift and

morph making it impossible to provide a single, fixed framework upon which policy

could be constructed. For projects seeking to provide orphans with support, however,

important gains could be made to help orphaned children maintain or regain their

position within the social life of their local area; that support them economically so

that losses of education or livelihood could be mitigated and to help them to integrate

into families. The creation of a body of knowledge about local meaning systems

through which orphaned children are expected to grieve and recover would be a

useful basis upon which projects could be created to support children and the adults

who surround them during what is undoubtedly an extremely difficult and challenging

time.

Acknowledgements

The research was undertaken for a PhD in the Department of Anthropology, University College,

London, (UK). During the fieldwork, the researcher was an affiliate student of the Centre for Social

Research, University of Malawi, Zomba, (Malawi). It was sponsored by the Economic and Social

Research Council and UCL Graduate School.

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