Sexual Dissatisfaction in a Sample of Married Iranian Women

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Sexuality & CultureAn Interdisciplinary Quarterly ISSN 1095-5143 Sexuality & CultureDOI 10.1007/s12119-012-9149-y

Sexual Dissatisfaction in a Sample ofMarried Iranian Women

Meisam Haddadi Barzoki, NinaSeyedroghani & Taghi Azadarmaki

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ORI GIN AL PA PER

Sexual Dissatisfaction in a Sample of Married IranianWomen

Meisam Haddadi Barzoki • Nina Seyedroghani •

Taghi Azadarmaki

� Springer Science+Business Media, LLC 2012

Abstract This article investigates the sexual relationships of dissatisfied couples

from the viewpoint of the female spouse. There are two basic approaches toward

sexual dissatisfaction: the first regards sexual dissatisfaction as the cause of marital

dissatisfaction; the second asserts that marital dissatisfaction leads to sexual dis-

satisfaction. This study aims at an understanding of the causes and mechanisms of

women’s sexual dissatisfaction and its relationship to marital dissatisfaction. The

research was organized using the Grounded theory for a holistic and deep under-

standing of the phenomenon. Findings drawn from the interviews with 20 severely

sexually dissatisfied women indicated a discrepancy between the attitudes of men

and women toward sexual relationships. This difference builds a sense of sexual

inequality amongst women. This is accompanied by an increased importance of

sexual satisfaction compared to the past, or ‘‘sexualization’’ of marital relationships

and the resulting sexual dissatisfaction within women. Our study suggests that

marital dissatisfaction may precede and cause sexual dissatisfaction and that this

link ultimately becomes reciprocal.

Keywords Women � Grounded theory � Theoretical sampling �Emotional gratification � Sexual dissatisfaction

M. H. Barzoki (&)

Institute of Contemporary Studies on Asia (ICSA), Tehran, Iran

e-mail: [email protected]

N. Seyedroghani

Azzahra University, Tehran, Iran

T. Azadarmaki

Tehran University, Tehran, Iran

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Sexuality & Culture

DOI 10.1007/s12119-012-9149-y

Author's personal copy

Introduction

Taking into account society’s rapidly advancing development, the family is of

overriding importance and the issue of family stability has always given scholars of

the humanities food for thought. One of the essential functions of the family is to

establish and manage a sexual relationship. In other words, marriage and

establishing a family are crucial strategies for the interaction between men and

women, and for their sexual relationship. Therefore, marriage and sexual

relationship work along the same lines, producing a cycle of cause and effect. In

addition, marriage in Islam is the only institution which allows sexual relationships

(Saroukhani 1991: 243). Therefore, investigation of the sexual aspects of the family

is of great importance. In marital sexual relationships, sexual activity can either

underpin or undermine the marital relationship. To put it another way, to the same

extent to which the sexual relationship is the source of positive energy and good

memories, it could also place emphasis on the overall hardships of marital life

(Theiss and Solomon 2007; Bernards 1997).

The analysis of sexual and marital dissatisfaction in Iran is at the mercy of

different and particular conditions. The Iranian society comprises incompatible

elements deriving from its deeply-rooted ancient history, the pressures of facing an

old but seemingly new value-oriented regime based on the Islamic Revolution, and

its opening of windows toward the world at large. This contrast suggests a 3-D

culture in the Iranian society (Mohseni 2003: 10).

The aforementioned contrast gives rise to specific conditions in Iran. On the one

hand, youths and girls, in particular, are influenced by progressive educational and

economic levels and through knowledge of Western marital values are seeking

egalitarian, individualistic and humanistic values in their own lives. On the other

hand, in spite of the gradual social changes, a mismatch between the state

supportive legal system and the social context is observed. This suggests a specific

conflict in the Iranian society. To put it another way, although the consequences of

urban and industrialized life are reigning over society, the government and the

society have not yet assumed responsibility for people’s rights and, not unlike the

past, people’s economic needs are still being met through family members’ mutual

commitment.

As a result, these all give rise to circumstances in which financial affairs are of

pivotal importance in marriage. Those families that are formed on the basis of an

economic agreement can not really possess the specific characteristics of a nuclear

family. Sociologically speaking, the existence of these conditions and relationships

(money-oriented and bourgeois) prevent nuclear families from being formed (Ezazi

1997: 102–104). In addition, although the divorce rate is on the increase all over the

globe, legal and social approaches toward divorce differ from one country to

another. For instance, in Iran’s legal system, a petition for divorce and its

culmination entails creating a difficult path for women. Also, with regard to social

values and norms, divorce is deemed to be a cardinal sin and carries the social

stigma that compromises a woman’s position in society. Based on statistical

information, the divorce rate is increasing in Iran (The National Organization for

Civil Registration).

M. H. Barzoki et al.

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Formal statistics suggest a constant decrease in the marriage to divorce ratio in

recent years. In divorce variation trend studies, the marriage to divorce ratio in

successive years in Iran puts Tehran and Ilam in the first and the last places,

respectively. As shown in Fig. 1, the marriage to divorce ratio is dropping but its

pace is greater in traditional areas. On the other hand, over half of divorces occur in

the first 4 years, especially in the first 2 years such that over 25 % of divorces

happen in the first 2 years.

However, in the field of sexual dissatisfaction, there is a general consensus about

women’s sexual dissatisfaction. Based on Iranian Health Home Statistics (2010),

approximately 30 % of divorces in Iran could be traced back to the women’s sexual

dissatisfaction. Consequently, sexual dissatisfaction is regarded as a hypothesis for

the cause of divorce that, considering women’s emotional and sentimental nature, is

a dilution of the problem and its causes. This research was designed to scrutinize the

phenomenon, and to understand the mechanism of sexual relationships and

women’s sexual dissatisfaction.

Stating the Problem

What gives biological relationships such sociological importance is that not only are

they ecumenical—of fundamental necessity in all societies—but also almost all

societies understand them. The direct cause of social behavior in this field is

people’s perception of biology, i.e. the cultural meaning that is attached to these

relationships (Scott 2006: 93). Biological behaviors include sexual relationships that

satisfy a sexual need. In the hierarchy of human needs, sexual desire has been put

among the lowest levels; however, a remarkable point is that sexual desire is formed

in relation to a human’s basic needs, along with mental security and respect, and this

Fig. 1 Divorce trends in Ilam, Tehran and the whole of Iran

Sexual Dissatisfaction

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in itself leads to people’s expectations regarding sexual relationships and, naturally,

to sexual satisfaction or dissatisfaction (Rafipoor 2003). Therefore, the quality of a

sexual relationship is increased not only by sexual desire but also by fulfillment of

other human sublime needs.

In accounting for the causes of people’s tendency to establish a sexual

relationship in its general meaning, psychobiological causes (including lowering

stress, enjoyment, normal physical conditions, seeking experience), goal achieve-

ment causes (including resources, social class, retaliation, profiteering), emotional

causes (including love and commitment), and mental insecurity causes (including

lowering self-esteem, duty/stress) have been taken into account (Meston and Buss

2007). In addition, various studies count molding causes of sexual experiences

including individual causes, goals, values, and attitudes, and relational causes

including intimacy, and satisfaction (Theiss and Nagy 2010). The dominant

approach in explaining sexual discrepancies between men and women is to be found

in the realm of biology, followed by cultural issues (Giddens 2001).

The point is the contrast between strategies stemming from biological approaches.

For instance, the 14th International Congress on Sexology in Hong Kong ratified the

following:

Sexual freedom rights, sexual solitude rights, sexual pleasure rights, free and

responsible choice for procreation which includes deciding upon whether or

not to have children, and so on (The Hite Report on Female Sexuality 1999).

A certain bias in favor of individualism can be detected in these ratified laws in

relation to mutual marital relationships (Bernadette 2004). In this regard, socially

and psychologically-oriented research corroborates the priority of social and

cultural issues over biological causes, so that, in a recently-revised ranking,

women’s sexual problems have been stated to be due to:

1. Social, cultural, political, and economic causes;

2. Common relationships or sexual partner;

3. Mental factors;

4. Biological causes (Kaschak and Tiefer 2001; Tiefer et al. 2003).

Moreover, causes of women’s sexual dissatisfaction relate to:

1. Interpersonal and contextual causes (as the most effective predicting cause);

2. Individual mental causes; and finally,

3. Biological causes (Basson 2005).

Thus, according to sociological views, psychophysiological descriptions of the

phenomenon take society and extensive causes, which operate through a physiological

manner or historical memory, into consideration (Holmes 2009; Ubillos et al. 2000).

Several studies have been carried out in this field in Iran. Mirtaki (2004)

examined the relationship between the experience of orgasm and marital satisfaction

in women and reported that only 8.5 % of women had experienced orgasm in their

relationships. Another study indicated 47.1 % of women agreed that they had a


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problem in sexual relationship with their husbands but only 9.2 % of them reported

going for treatment (Bagherzadeh et al. 2010).

On the other hand, many experts worried about Iran’s sexual atmosphere.

Marriage in Islam is the only institution which allows sexual relationships

(Saroukhani 1991: 243). But, in recent years, there has been a deep gap between

maturity (11.5) and marriage (28). This gap results in sexual tension in Iran.

According to a recent survey, Iranians spend about US$2 billion a year on cosmetics

and this country of 74 million accounts for 29 % of the Middle East market, which

is dominated by Saudi Arabia (www.euromonitor.com). According to a survey

conducted by TMBA, a private economic research institute, about 14 million urban

Iranian women aged between 15 and 45 spend $7 on average per month on cos-

metics. With the minimum wage in Iran set at $300, and the average monthly

income between $600 and 700, this is a significant amount. TMBA said Iranians

splurge on cosmetics because most of the population is young and urban; half the

population of Iran is\30 years old and 65 % of the population lives in urban areas

(http://tmba.ir). Since 1979, women have had to observe a dress code which states

that a woman’s hair and body must be modestly covered in public. But women have

also constantly challenged the dress code by sporting shorter, tighter overcoats and

flashing locks of dyed hair under loosely-worn scarves. Some believe that this had

led to an increase in cosmetic sales as Iranian women mainly focus on doing up their

faces. Mina, who sells cosmetics in Tehran, says ‘‘Because of the veil, young

Iranians pay a lot of attention to their faces,’’ which with hands are the only body

parts visible in public. ‘‘Some girls spend over an hour in front of a mirror to get

ready. If the fashion in Europe is to appear natural, in Iran the youth prefer to wear

make-up,’’ she said (Tribune 2010). In conclusion, sexual interest has a vital role in

women’s everyday life and therefore it is a sensitive problem for them.

It can be concluded that socio-cultural and political limitations are obstacles for

sexuality-related studies. In Iran, on the other hand, findings suggest that sexual

satisfaction plays a seminal role in marital satisfaction of Iranians (Rahmani et al.

2009); however, insufficient information is available in the area. This study

therefore focuses on a deep investigation of married women’s sexual dissatisfaction

looking into the social and cultural sensitivity of marital and sexual issues.

Objectives and Research Questions

The present study aims at an understanding of how women with marital

dissatisfaction interpret sexual relationships with regard to their husbands and

general mechanisms. It should be mentioned that sexual satisfaction is a pleasurable

feeling resulting from individual behaviors or interpersonal interactions (Kavyani

1999). In the present study, it is defined as one’s judgment and analysis of one’s own

sexual behavior, which one considers pleasurable, unlike some sources that consider

sexual satisfaction as a measure of orgasm (Jahanfar and Molaeenezhad 2002).

One has to bear in mind that such explanations take abstract patterns of relationships

in induction reasoning or chain reactions, and understanding the reasons that subjects

have for their actions, into consideration (Blaikie 2000; Flick 2006).


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http://www.euromonitor.com

http://tmba.ir

The goal, therefore, is to understand women’s sexual dissatisfaction as well as its

relationship with marital dissatisfaction. This research answers the following

questions:

• What is the social context for women’s sexual failure?

• What is the mechanism of a couple’s sexual relationship?

• How do women deal with failure in their sexual relationships?

• How are sexual and marital dissatisfaction related?

Research Setting

The present study was conducted in Iran’s capital, Tehran, which, with a population

of over 12 million (equal to 15 % of Iran’s total population), has unique features.

The influx of immigrants to Tehran from other regions is grossly disproportionate to

the rate of immigration to other metropolises (Etemad et al. 2004). In addition to its

large population, Tehran could also be taken as the Iranian reference group

(Rafipoor 2003). In other words, every phenomenon needs to find its way into

Tehran if it is to flourish. Due to the centrality of universities and large companies,

extensive communications, high population density, ethnic variation, and finally low

informal control, Tehran possesses a desirable context for individualism compared

to other cities in Iran. In view of the sensitivity of the research domain, these

elements have facilitated the process of finding and convincing the participants to

take part in the interview and to put their trust in the interviewers. Therefore, Tehran

was chosen as the main setting of the research.

Methodology

Gott and Hinchliffe (2003) assert that there has been a tendency to ‘‘attempt to

understand sexuality by quantifying it in terms of specific sexual acts and their

frequencies’’ (p. 1618) rather than examining the meanings that older adults attribute

to sexual relationships. Daniluk (2003) contends that sexuality is concerned with those

experiences that individuals themselves define as sexual. Daniluk (2003) states that

‘‘what appears to be most important is the meaning of the experience to the particular

woman in question’’ (p. 7). She further suggests that sexuality is a process that is

‘‘shaped by each woman’s history’’ (p. 9) and that takes on ‘‘new qualities and

meanings in the context of new and varied roles, experiences and relationships’’ (p. 9).

Thus, sexuality emerges from and is constrained by a woman’s social, relational, and

biographical contexts. Rather than tallying responses to specific questions, this view of

sexuality calls for research that allows women to recount and explain how their own

definitions and experiences of sexuality have changed over time’’ (Clarke 2006).

Consequently, considering the sensitivity of women’s problems, historical,

traditional, and religious sensitivities of families in Iran (Ezazi 1997; Azadarmaki

2007), and the main goal of the research—to understand the mechanism of marital

dissatisfaction, not to collect data and generate results—a qualitative method adopting

the Grounded theory has been selected for the purposes of the present study (Blaikie

2000; Flick 2006; Strauss and Corbin 1990/1998; Miller and Brewer 2003: 132).


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Sampling

Grounded theory makes use of theoretical sampling; i.e. the process of data

collection for the sake of theorizing, through which the analyst simultaneously

collects, encodes, and analyzes the data and decides on which data were to be

collected in the next step and where to search for them. This helps codify the theory

while developing it. A codified theory controls the data collection process. Analytic

induction for controlling negative and unique cases, and theoretical saturation as the

finishing line of recruitment, have been the principal guidelines of the research

(Flick 2006; Strauss and Corbin 1990/1998; Luborsky and Rubinstein 1995).

The participants were 20 people who were selected based on a criterion in the

frame of analytic Induction (Flick 2006). Considering the lack of an incisive

definition and a precise criterion for emotional divorce, by exploring scientific

resources and looking into the Iranian society, three principles were chosen as

criteria for selecting the participants. These criteria, which were modified and

authenticated by expert consultants and specialists in the field of the family, are:

extramarital sexual–emotional relationships; successive visits for divorce and

consultation; and the recognition of emotional divorce among friends. Some of the

participants had just one of these qualifications and some had all three. Five

participants who were absolutely different as to their social class and educational

level had extramarital affairs and were qualified for all three standards; nine

participants were known as a symbol of emotional divorce within their friendly

network and even their local setting (e.g., their regular beauty parlor), and the rest

were regular depressed visitors of state counseling centers. Six people came from

the southern parts of the city (with a low income), five from northern areas (with

high salaries), and the rest from the western and central areas (regarded as middle

class). The age range was 22–55 years and two participants were under 25 years

old. Eight were between 25 and 35 and the rest under 55. The participants’ married

life ranged from 2 to 25 years. The participants’ age gap with their spouses was not

noticeable except for three of them. As for education, balance and women’s relative

excellence was evident. The participants’ educational level stood at: three with

Master’s Degree (MA/MS); five with Bachelor’s Degree (BA/BS); eight with High

School diploma; and the rest below those qualifications. The participants’

impression of their socioeconomic status was notable: people of upper class and

lower class status considered themselves to belong to the middle class. Twelve

people thought themselves as members of the middle to upper class. With regard to

changes in economic circumstances after marriage, four people believed that it had

been improved, three said it was debilitated, and the rest observed no remarkable

change. There was a conspicuous gap in the participants’ family income: six

participants earned below 5,000,000 Rials (valued at USD $500); 10 people up to

ten million Rials (USD $1,000); and the rest over 10 million. As for their

occupations, the sample contained two teachers, three hairdressers, one painter, two

secretaries, four participants with service jobs, and the rest housewives. Overall, in

the sampling process, variety and diversity of educational level, socioeconomic

status, occupation, and age were taken into account.


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Evaluation

An alignment between the approach and the case of study is the first principle in the

evaluation of all research (Lincoln and Guba 1985; Flick 2006). In view of the

feministic nature of the research and the sensitivity of sexual relationships,

correspondence between a qualitative approach and the topic is demonstrable (Flick

2006; Clarke 2006; Abbey and Dallos 2004). Trustworthiness (Lincoln and Guba

1985), as the main criterion of a qualitative research evaluation, refers to the results

obtained solely due to the observations and the exact reflection of the participants’

perceptions. Trustworthiness was improved in the present study by first carefully

inspecting and selecting participants and trying to cover negative and unique cases,

then verifying interviewers’ competency, reinstruction of principles, and using

interview guidelines and stressing the interviewers’ note taking, then investigator

triangulation while encoding (Denzin 1989: 237), after that by trying to reach a

consensus in the case of contradictions, and finally by member checking, frequent

control and care in transcribing audio files, and encoding (Whittemore et al. 2001;

Golafshani 2003; Flick 2006; Strauss and Corbin 1998).

Data Collection and Analysis

In this study, sensitive concepts (Blaikie 2000) were selected through literature review

and interviewing experts in the field of family issues. These concepts are unequal

exchange, sexual dissatisfaction, non-gratification, orgasm, love, emotional divorce,

emotional gratification, and differences between men and women regarding sociability

of gender as well as a social construct that are all organized in the form of interview

questions. The interviews were analyzed by one male and one female to counteract

gender bias.

Interpretation starts with open coding and it processes until the final step of selective

coding comes into use. Open and axial coding were done simultaneously during the

analysis of interviews, then selective coding and various ways of connection between

the categories and reference category were examined and questioned (Whittemore

et al. 2001; Golafshani 2003; Flick 2006; Strauss and Corbin 1990/1998).

Findings

The findings are organized around a discussion of the three major themes that

emerged from the analysis of the sexual dissatisfaction data. Our first research

question was: ‘‘What is the social context for women’s sexual failure?’’

Social Context

In this section, extensive and superaindividual causes that are out of one’s control

are taken into account. These causes are rather ecumenical, but of different intensity

in different cultures. In social segregation-oriented cultures (e.g., Islamic cultures),

attitudinal differences between the two sexes are more considerable than in other


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cultures. This section includes two sub-concepts of different attitudes of men and

women toward sexual relationships (sexual men and amorous women) and

sexualization of marital life.

Men’s Sex, Women’s Love (Different Attitudes of Men and Women Toward SexualRelationships)

Men and women look from entirely different points of view at sexual relationships.

Men think of sex as separate from all their problems in life and believe it to have

little to do with other issues, whereas women start this relationship with all the

problems and issues they had in their past, and if they have a fit of pique, they

cannot concentrate fully on this relationship and be attentive (Basson 2005).

If a woman is discontented before having sex, she brings it into the

relationship. On the contrary, men find displeasure in sex if they see a woman

snubbing them (Respondent 13, 32 years old).

Women expect a kind of deep emotional relationship after having sex, i.e. to sleep with

their husband and achieve an emotional connection; however, men’s goal is sex per se.

Therefore, these different views lead to conflict after having a sexual intercourse.

Sometimes after some bitter arguments, he came and we had a very joyful sex;

I tried hard, but in the end, I realized we are still not good with one another.

We are still not on speaking terms. There was no change, as though we hadn’t

slept with each other last night (Respondent 9, 38 years old).

After sex, they don’t give a damn about their wives; they think of women as

instruments (Respondent 13, 32 years old).

With regard to research validity, studies argue that generally satisfactory ties pave the way

for normal sexual relationships (e.g., MacNeil and Byers 2005; Sprecher 2002); however,

‘‘issues such as unresolved clashes, emotional divorce, and emotional indifference

contribute to marital dissatisfaction (Davidson and Darling 1988; Theiss 2011)’’.

Sexualization of Marital Relationship

Having sexual relationship was less important to people in the past when the couple

viewed this kind of relationships as a duty to procreate. Nowadays, under the

influence of consumerist views of capitalism, this relationship has changed from a

means to an end. To put it another way, sexual relationships were part of marital life

in the past, but today one’s whole life is affected by the nature of his/her sexual

relationship or what is known as sexualization of marital life. In other words, ideal

sex has gained a significant place and people try to achieve this end; otherwise, they

feel a sense of defeat, a problem that was less severe years ago.

In my opinion, sexual desire is not bad. Everybody needs to discharge himself,

but I don’t. I don’t know. It may be an illness that I don’t like [sexual

interaction] because this should be satisfied like all other needs (Respondent 6,

28 years old).


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In particular, those women who talked more about sexual relationships with their

friends felt more deprived and lost while facing their friends with normal sexual

relationships. In other words, this comparison aroused a relative sense of

deprivation within them (Rafipoor 2003).

A friend of mine has found her life on sexual interaction; she always talks

about their good and joyful relationships. I myself wonder why my spouse and

I are not in the same situation (Respondent 15, 40 years old).

In this regard, research findings confirm that married men and women believe that

sex is an indispensable part of a successful marriage. Although this is more

important to men, while experiencing clashes and tensions of sexual relationships,

couples try to exercise a sort of management on their own and on each other’s

emotions (Elliot and Umberson 2008).

Causes

This section includes intermediary concepts; these are neither within individual nor

within structural stages. They possess a superindividual dimension that is

differentiated from the first field in that individuals are able to interest and change

these causes. This section includes different meanings of fidelity and men’s denial

of failure in marital sexual relationships, particularly in a patriarchal society.

Disparate Meanings of Fidelity

Another issue is the importance of extramarital sex and people’s different views

toward it. It does not matter to men whether they have sex with other women, which

further contributes to marital tension.

But a man always has an eye on other women; I think they marry to satisfy

their instinct. It doesn’t matter to them to have love affairs with other women

if their wives are not available (Respondent 18, 45 years old).

Bernadette (2004) confirms this by asserting that women’s sexual exclusivity to men

seems to be more than a part of their social acceptance. Further, research findings

suggest that a tendency for divorce anticipates extramarital affairs and these affairs

cause a decrease in marital intimacy.

In conclusion, marital infidelity is both the cause and effect of deteriorating the

relationship. In other words, marital fidelity underpins marital stability by lowering

each spouse’s chance in establishing emotional relationships with new people

(Previti and Amato 2004). It is worth mentioning that sexual satisfaction has a

positive correlation with stability of marital life, although men’s sexual satisfaction

influences the relationship more than women’s (Sprecher 2002).

Men’s Denial

Men have faced a certain kind of bankruptcy in the modern world and their socio-

economic power has been threatened and undermined by improvements in women’s


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economic and educational status. By these changes, women pursue egalitarian values

that permeate into different aspects of marital life. In the domain of sexual

relationships, women have moved away from being a passive agent toward becoming

an active partner, instead of supplying sexual services demanded of them. In these

circumstances, men sometimes feel a sense of incompetency (Giddens 2001).

He doesn’t admit that he is not successful in this relationship. He says it’s my

problem; that I have a mental disorder. He sees sexual relationship as a very

manly action. He thinks he is successful (Respondent 18, 45 years old).

This men’s denial of sexual relationships can be followed by women’s suspicions

and their ultimate revenge.

We can, therefore, argue with regards to the problem solving in marital life that

women are less skilled and less able because of their negative reasoning. Skepticism

and uncompromising attitudes result in women’s pessimism and increasing desire of

relations to counteract their husbands’ negative behavior. In this sense, extramarital

relationships act as a sort of retaliation against the husband (Bradbury and Fincham

1992; Bodenmann et al. 2007).

Consequences

This section embraces categories of women’s sexual dissatisfaction, emotional

dilemma, sex as a duty, and finally certificatory marriage.

Women’s Sexual Dissatisfaction

Many studies and research argue that women’s sexual desire is not gratified in their

relationship with their husbands, and it is one of the main reasons for marital

dissatisfaction and divorce (Bagherzadeh et al. 2010). Furthermore, sexual segre-

gation in Iran causes ejaculation praecox and (premature ejaculation) more sexual

sensitivity amongst men. This predicament would ameliorate after a while; however,

owing to countless economical and cultural issues, men do not remain in the

relationship, and this is also an intensifying cause for women’s sexual dissatisfaction.

Men’s sexual orgasm is quickly achieved. They may immediately become

gratified but this is very hard for a woman to achieve. She may remain silent,

but as more and more time passes, it causes her to harbor hatred toward their

relationship because she feels nothing; she is just an instrument for the man

(Respondent 19, 34 years old).

Perhaps it doesn’t matter to a woman whether or not her husband admits the

issue that women should also be satisfied. But this breaks her heart and

damages her soul because she thinks her husband doesn’t like her anymore. He

should spend some time with his wife, but men don’t make much effort in

their relationship (Respondent 11, 41 years old).

Therefore, women’s sexual dissatisfaction is a phenomenon that was proved in this

study; however, the more important issue lies in the mechanism of this


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dissatisfaction. Women’s sexual dissatisfaction is a main contributor to divorce in

Iran. A lot of research findings indicate that women’s sexual dissatisfaction is just a

prerequisite for the fulfillment of economical and mental needs. Therefore, the type

of sexual interactions and husband’s reaction to his wife’s needs permeates into the

realm of self-esteem.

Emotional Dilemma

When women’s sexual–emotional desires are not satisfied, they sublimate these

needs by the use of an emotional mechanism. In other words, they dilute their

sexual-emotional needs and sublimate them into sheer sexual need. As a result, they

have high expectations of sex at the beginning, but then, only after starting the

relationship, due to their emotional nature they become dissatisfied, therefore

leading to an emotional dilemma.

Since our emotional relationship has got cold, I wanted to escape to sex but it

got worse; so bad that we have sex without passion and emotion. It’s only

physical sex, only body (Respondent 18, 45 years old).

Because I was hurt emotionally by him I got cold, even aching; he fills me

with repugnance (Respondent 19, 40 years old).

The point is that, if a good financial condition and appropriate emotional status

exist, sexual satisfaction is achieved with or without orgasm, and this is a cogent

reason for the emotional and sentimental nature of women (McHugh 2006). To

some extent, a sexual relationship could be positive and enjoyable, but it could also

build some negative thoughts and emotions (Theiss and Solomon 2007).

Sex as a Duty

On the one hand, considering patriarchal societies and legal systems, women have

no choice except to continue living (divorce is neither simply achievable nor

ameliorates the situation) (Maundeni 2000); they do not like sexual relationships

anymore but it is very much important to men. On the other hand, because of the

probability of men’s sexual affairs with other women, there is a possibility of losing

the family’s emotional and economical resources, and women think of sexual

relationship as a duty; however, because they themselves do not enjoy having this

relationship (only their husbands do), they feel a sense of loss and inequality that

becomes problematic in the long term.

My husband enjoys having sex with me and it’s important to him, but I myself

have never enjoyed it. I’ve always put on a brave face, but only because of my

duty. I try doing it because I don’t want my husband to do it with someone else

(Respondent 11, 41 years old).

Because I’m emotionally disturbed by him, I don’t enjoy having sex with him

and I just do it to get rid of him (Respondent 19, 40 years old).


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Certificatory Marriage

In the final stage, a certain kind of loneliness is built into married life that is felt only

by the couple themselves and could lead to mental and physical disorders. This

loneliness is symbolically caused by unilateral sexual relationships. This relation-

ship may be very calm and quiet. In other words, in early and normal days of life,

the couple talk to one another, sometimes with confrontation and obscenities, and

this contributes to conveying affections and a continuation of life. But when

emotional divorce occurs, the two sides have no motivation to dispute and this

dissatisfaction intensifies emotional divorce.

Perhaps it doesn’t matter to me if I have no intercourse with him, and it

doesn’t matter to him either. He doesn’t care a fig because he doesn’t want any

more disputes (Respondent 7, 29 years old).

I got cold, very indifferent; I even separated my room (Respondent 5, 48 years

old).

In the second phase, taking women’s social position, education, and social

acceptance into account, there is the probability of a wife’s relationship with another

man. In this research, five participants had extramarital affairs.

I came to like someone else, someone who guides me and speaks well. Seeing

as though men are all glib-tongued, knowing how to speak is very important to

me, too important (Respondent 18, 45 years old).

With this in mind, we can argue that marital fidelity underpins marital stability by

mitigating the chance of establishing emotional ties with new people and vice versa

(Previti and Amato 2004). All in all, the interaction of different domains is

illustrated in the following diagram. The point is that there is a multilateral and

mutual relationship between these categories, and the domain of social context and

grounds embraces the domain of causes and effects; however, their relationship is

reciprocal and interrelated.

Discussion

According to the paradigmatic model (Strauss and Corbin 1998), three categories

including social context, causes, and effects have been proposed in relation to the

pivotal category of women’s dissatisfaction. According to Fig. 2, social context

embraces different attitudes of men and women toward sexual relationships (men’s

sex and women’s love) and sexualization of matrimonial relationships; causes

include men’s sexual non-commitment, a denial of failure in a sexual relationship;

and effects encompass women’s sexual dissatisfaction, emotional dilemma, and sex

as a duty of certificatory marriage.

Much analysis has been done on women’s sexual dissatisfaction from social and

biological perspectives; however, they have yielded different results that are, in

some cases, even conflicting. Research on marital satisfaction suggests a positive


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correlation between sexual satisfaction and marital satisfaction, love, and commit-

ment. That is, an increase in sexual satisfaction is accompanied by a rise in marital

satisfaction, love, and commitment (Sprecher 2002). Therefore, the more sexual

satisfaction grows, the more the quality of life improves, and this in itself contributes

to a drop in marital instability over time and vice versa (Hsiu-Chen et al. 2006).

However, other research, particularly on women, argues that the condition of the

whole marital life is the main cause of marital dissatisfaction (Theiss and Nagy

2010). Overall, in this study, gender relationships in everyday life and life in its

entirety are factors influencing sexual relationships. Owing to patriarchy that has

been reigning in Iran, there are two different attitudes among men and women

toward sexual relationship. Although men pay lip service to equal rights, they

unconsciously exhibit an authoritarian behavior in the case of gender relationships.

This behavior may have nothing to do with sexual interaction in the men’s

perspective, but for women it is very significant because their sexual relationship is

the result of their gender relationship. In addition, nowadays under the influence of

media and capitalism, women expect to receive sexual pleasure rather than give

sexual service compared with the past. The point is that the nature of this desire is

emotional, but both sexes know it to be sexual and, considering psychobiological

differences between the two sexes, to result in conflict. A sense of inequality

stemming from daily sexual and gender relationships and women’s increasing

expectations come together and give rise to women’s dissatisfaction. This is

accompanied by men’s denial and leads to sexual failure. At first, women begin to

sublimate sexual–emotional needs to sheer sexual need, and then they adapt

themselves to the status quo as a strategy.

By and large, sexual and gender relationships of Iranian couples are in perilous

sharp contrast. On the one hand, girls have undergone many fundamental changes,

pushing them to engender a sense of identity and self-confidence within themselves

and, consequently, to recognize and demand an active role compared to their

Fig. 2 The overarching social context interrelated causes and effects


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mothers. On the other hand, men’s social changes are not conspicuous, leading to

their inability and, hence, failure to demonstrate an appropriate conduct with these

metamorphosed women. Ideal sexual relationships are one of couples’ ultimate

goals which, in Iran’s social context and socialization state of affairs, is far from

being attained. Here are some suggestions with regard to the above-mentioned

contrasts and predicaments:

1. Promoting sexual behavior teachings in the educational system during the ages

of socialization

2. Setting suitable and applicable approaches to sexual relationships in the

premarital period in society

3. Passing bills supporting women against men’s misbehavior.

Acknowledgments First, we should thank all the participants who have put much trust in us and granted

us their experiences. Next, our special thanks go to all interviewers, and to my colleagues, especially,

Mahshid Shahidi and Nahid Hajvalizade, experts and specialists in the field of the family in Tehran.

Respected officials and personnel of Amene Orphan Asylum also deserve our sincere thanks because of

their full collaboration.

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Sexual Dissatisfaction in a Sample of Married Iranian Women

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