_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

Report Information from ProQuestFebruary 15 2013 07:40_______________________________________________________________

Document 1 of 34 Table of contents Author: Anonymous Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 1.ProQuest document link Full Text: _TVM:UNDEFINED_

_______________________________________________________________ Document 2 of 34 Credits Author: Anonymous Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 2.ProQuest document link Full Text: _TVM:UNDEFINED_

_______________________________________________________________ Document 3 of 34 The Wisdom of the Fifth Beatle Author: Perina, Kaja Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 3.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote ONE MAN'S RATIONALIZATION IS ANOTHER MAN'S REVELATION MUSICIAN PETEBEST was ousted by the Beatles just as they ascended to iconic status. Years later, as psychologist Dan Gilberthas noted, Best swore that he was much happier than he would have been had he stayed in the band. Gilbertcalls Best's position synthetic happiness: self-created, but no less real for the manufacturing. Others call it self-deception. Parents of children with serious disabilities and disorders may evince a similar sleight of mind, asAndrew Solomon sensitively chronicles in his new book, Far From the Tree. Parents who raise children withDown syndrome, autism, and multiple extreme disabilities valiantly embrace the opportunities these childrenpresent, deriving compassion and strength from the challenges. Some go further still, insisting that the conditionis the best possible outcome for themselves, if not for their children. What is the relationship betweenrationalization and resilience? To accept something fully is sometimes to shed all delusion and sometimes toscaffold so masterfully with creative self-talk that acceptance is achieved. We examine various forms of self-deception in these pages. In the cover story, Alain de Botton argues that to remain in a marriage one mustconsistently delude oneself about the value of feelings and urges not conducive to family harmony, such as thedesire to pounce on every attractive stranger one encounters. An accumulation of these myriad, tiny distortionscan, depending on what's being rationalized, give rise to whoppers such as double lives: denying infidelity orremaining sexually closeted. Kat McGowan examines these circumstances in "Lies We Live By." If we areunhappy because of choices we've made, synthetic happiness (or self-deception) can be particularly hard tosustain. We sense fissures wherein we see the possibility of another life. But would it be abetter life? Notnecessarily. Therein lies the wisdom of the fifth Beatle. Sidebar WHO IS RESILIENT AND WHO IS SELF-

DELUDED? IS THATEVEN FOR OTHERS TO JUDGE? AuthorAffiliation Kaja Perinakaja@psychologytoday.com

_______________________________________________________________ Document 4 of 34 A School for Grown-Ups, by Grown-Ups Author: Anonymous Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 4.ProQuest document link Full Text: YOU MIGHT MISTAKE the central London storefront for an apothecary shop. But according to itsfounder, philosopher Alain de Botton, what's for sale at the School of Life is wisdom that reaches deep intoemotional life. It's packaged in classes about confidence (without arrogance), making good decisions, andgetting the most out of words. This is a school in the sense that the ancient Greeks and Romans broughtdisciplined thought to everyday problems of life. Its classes are, says de Botton, "intellectually rigorous, a crossbetween a lecture and a group therapy session." As with the ancients, wine figures in too. The School of Lifealso publishes books aimed at exploding the "lite" self-help genre. De Botton'siTow to Think More About Sexand psychotherapist Philippa Perry's How to Stay Saneare the inaugural titles in the U.S. series. SOCRATES INCENTRAL LONDON Inside the unassuming shop on Marchmont Street is a cornucopia of big ideas. In the spiritof eternal wisdom seeking, we asked the authors of this issue's feature stories what insights drove them to writetheir pieces- and what remains with them after completing the assignments.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 5 of 34 Feedback Author: Anonymous Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 6.ProQuest document link Full Text: Faces Stick With Us WHAT A BRILLIANT article by Jena Pincott ("What's In A Face?" December).Faces and the expressions they make are imprinted in people's brains and are remembered better thananything else. You can tell a lot about people by their faces and facial expressions; kudos to Pincott and PT forhighlighting that. JEFF SWANSON Everett, WA "WHAT'S IN A FACE" was an interesting article. But let's keepthe numbers in perspective. While it maybe significant that we are 60 percent accurate in our face-basedjudgments- because it shows a clear differentiation from the 50 percent accuracy we would get in a coin toss-the 40 percent is still an extremely high error rate. KERSTIN HOBLEY ViaFacebook A Curious NameSEVERAL YEARS AGO, I became acquainted with a student named DaKota ("The Quinn Quagmire and OtherNaming Trends," December). Before I met her in person, I wondered whether she was a boy or a girl.Apparently, her parents capitalized the K to indicate the name as female. But where did this notion originate?Names are so mysterious. Thanks, as always, for another great issue covering so many topics. D.J. LILLYBellefonte, PA Intervention or Intrusion? I'M SHOCKED AT your interpretation of intervention as a"confrontational gang-up." Fm sure without professional guidance a few of these processes could emulate yourdescription. But as aboard-registered interventionist, I was mystified at your misguided perception of what anintervention truly is. Confronting loved ones who suffer from addiction is a loving, respectful, and life-altering

experience. When intervention is planned properly and executed from a place of respect, these events canserve as powerful opportunities for change. DIRK ELDREDGE Via email KUDOS TO HARA Marano and PT forthe informative article on "interventions," AA, and the topics of sobriety, drug addiction, and other humanfrailties. I was impressed with Marano's articulate, insightful and wise answer to this complicated problem.Several years ago, I was asked by family members to be involved in an intervention. I refused, and I did notbelieve in unasked-for intrusions. Any action which minimizes someone's selfrespect can only be harmful. Ithought it was presumptuous and insulting to think we knew better. My cousin did succumb to cancer and diedlast year, but we continued to have a warm and loving relationship characterized by mutual respect until theend. AVEMARIA LAMONICA Stateri Island, NY The Threat of Uncertainty AS A THERAPIST, I was quitepleased to see your story on the rising fear of toxins in our society ("The Everyday Fear Zone," December).These complaints are not at all unusual in treatment settings. The author did an excellent job of addressing aconcept that underlies almost every form of anxiety- the refusal to accept or tolerate uncertainty. However, notonce in the article was this fear of contamination linked to a likely diagnosis of obsessive compulsive disorder.For all the therapists and clients who read PT, this valuable information deserves to be included. APRILKILDUFF Chicago, IL I THINK MOST symptoms of sensitivity (to electromagnetic radiation) are the same asthose of anxiety and migraine. If you suddenly experience an inner ear issue as you pick up a phone, you willassociate it with the phone- but that doesn't mean the phone caused it any more than sneezing causes a carcrash. Humans are very good at seeing obvious patterns and causality where none in fact exist, and chestpains, headaches, and vision problems are pretty suggestive. ANNA HAZEL COPELAND BARHAM ViaFacebook SPEAK UP! Send feedback to letters@ psychologytoday.com. Please include your city and state ofresidence. We regret that we are unable to respond to every letter.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 6 of 34 EYES ON THE PRIZE Author: Friedman, Lauren F Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 9.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote IS HAPPINESS SOMETHING YOU CAN CHASE, OR IS IT FOOLISH TO TRY? the pursuitof happiness is intrinsic to American identity. But two recent studies in Emotion report that seeking a constantstream of positivity often backfires. Still, you're not powerless to change your mood: Positive psychology hasdemonstrated the lasting benefits of paying attention to where you are, not just to where you're going. Inaddition, success maybe dictated by how explicitly you label your goal as "happiness." Can you make happyhappen? Three experts weigh in. -Lauren F Friedman No: Call Off the Chase Happiness doesn't have to be thebe-all, end-all, argues Todd Kashdan, a psychologist at George Mason University. What about curiosity or asense of purpose? "Trying to make happiness your objective in life is problematic," Kashdan says. Your moodcan be thrown off by the weather, circadian rhythms, and other external factors, but you can pursue yourpassions, for example, which gives you the power to boost your long-term well-being. Maybe: Joy as Byproduct"Everything in moderation," cautions Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist at the University of California,Riverside. It's fine to want to be happier- as long as it doesn't slide into an obsession. Don't keep thinking: Is thisworking? Am I happy? "Put your effort into being a kinder person, improving your relationships, and savoringdaily pleasures," suggests Lyubomirsky. Focus on the activity and not the goal, and "happiness can become abyproduct." Yes: The Mindfulness Approach Research on motivation suggests that when happiness is anexplicit goal, it can be easier to achieve. A decision to be happier can "serve as the impetus for cognitive and

behavioral changes that eventually facilitate greater well-being," notes Yuna Ferguson in "Trying to Be HappierReally Can Work," her upcoming study in The Journal of Positive Psychology. What kinds of changes?Practicing exercise and mindfulness is a good place to start.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 7 of 34 A Toasted Marshmallow (Test) Author: Zeldovich, Lina Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 10,12.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote The classic test ofself-control is not as straightforward as you might believe. IF A 4-YEAR-OLD child cannot resist eating a marshmallow for 10 minutes when the reward for waiting is a secondmarshmallow, that child has poor self-control- or at least, that is the conceit of the famous marshmallow test, astaple of impulsivity assessment. The test is widely represented in pop culture and on parenting forums, butnew research suggests that its appealing simplicity may be obscuring some crucial nuances. Recent researchdebunks the three most common misconceptions about the test. Myth A child who cannot wait for a secondmarshmallow has poor self-control and is doomed to struggle in everything from school to romance. Fact "Takewhat you can, while you can" is a savvy strategy for children raised in unstable environments, and gobbling upthe food at hand may reflect a child's worldview, not her lack of willpower. When children were tested byproctors who had broken earlier promises, they ate the treat sooner, found University of Rochester psychologistCeleste Kidd. Myth Parents can measure their kids' self-control. All you need is a marshmallow! Fact The testmust be performed by a stranger so the child can build an unbiased opinion of the person's reliability. "Kidsgenerally tend to trust their parents," Kidd says, so results may be skewed. (Quick, tell the imitators all overYouTube.) Myth Self-control is a quality you're born with; it can't be honed or taught. Fact The best way topractice self-control is to reduce your focus on a temptation, observes psychologist Tanya Schlam. Kids trainedto turn away from the marshmallow or picture it as tasteless cotton can often suppress the urge to eat it forlonger. -Lina Zeldovich

_______________________________________________________________ Document 8 of 34 Rebuffed! Author: Seltzer, Leon Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 10.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote Four reasons someone might reject your help when you try to help someone- or, for thatmatter, give them something- it can feel like a personal affront if they turn you down. But rudeness often hasnothing to do with it. You may be offering the wrong kind of help altogether. On the other hand, rejection of afavor can also reflect the following: 1 Pride Sometimes, accepting help can feel like admitting inferiority,inadequacy, dependency, or defeat. An offer of money, for example, even as a loan, can make someone feellike a charity case, and accepting help on a project may register as an inability to successfully completesomething unaided. 2 Unworthiness If people grow up thinking that asking for things without explicitly earningthem is unacceptably selfish, they might feel that they have no right to your help. If these individuals did allow

themselves to take what you are freely offering, they would end up feeling guilty or even anxious. 3Indebtedness People who seem excessively independent may have learned to be that way because theirexperience validated the notion that taking anything from anybody is too risky. If your offer threatens their senseof freedom, independence, security, or autonomy, they'll feel compelled to reject it. 4 Vulnerability Those withserious trust issues may fear that accepting a favor will create an imbalance, weakening their status in therelationship. If in the past such "taking" was, unexpectedly, used against them, why would they riskreexperiencing such betrayal? -Leon Seltzer

_______________________________________________________________ Document 9 of 34 Take the Money and Run Author: Gravotta, Luciana Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 12.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote Why splurgingon the honeymoon instead of the dress is tied to greater happiness.philosophy, religion, and now science instruct that the road to happiness is paved with experiences and notmaterial goods. Research has consistently shown that most people will be happier when they spend money ona concert ticket rather than an iPod. But why? A set of new studies offers some clues. Can't Take That AwayFrom Me Experiences defy comparison, the root of envy and dissatisfaction. The shiny new laptop you show offto your coworker may seem less exciting if he gets the same one with an even bigger screen. But if you bothtake a Caribbean vacation, hearing abouthis nicer hotel doesn't tarnish your fond memories of seaside mojitos.Act Now, Buy Later You're probably glad you didn't splurge on that blender, but you may still be kicking yourselffor never seizingthe chance to study abroad. Spending money on products often triggers buyer's remorse, whilenot spending money on experiences can lead to regret. You Are What You Do However attached you may be toyour iPhone, it's not a part of you. Memories of your experiences, on the other hand, are inextricable from youridentity- and, unlike, say, a TV, they get rosier with time. When someone asks for your life story, you're morelikely to talk aboutyour trip to Thailand than your entertainment system. -Luciana Gravotta

_______________________________________________________________ Document 10 of 34 On the Other Hand... Author: Huston, Matt Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 14.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote REMOVE YOUR BLINDERS BEFORE PICKING A SIDE. MOST OF US ARE avid cherry-pickers: We pay special attention to information that validates our beliefs and discount or ignore what doesn't.This confirmation bias influences elections, trials, gambling, medicine, and our worldview. Here's how to snapyourself- and others- out of it. -Matt Huston SETP 1 BREAKTHEFLOW Making an argument harder to processcreates a mental speed bump, prompting us to think more carefully, finds research from the University of Illinois.Subjects who evaluated an article in favor of capital punishment responded with less liberal or conservative biaswhen it was printed in an unusual light-gray italicized font than did those who read the same argument printed inTimes New Roman. In a follow-up study, jurors in a mock trial were more even-handed when texts describing

the alleged crime had been visually degraded. SETP 2 CATCH 'EMWITH HGNEY Providing a friendly windowinto your argument can make those with opposing viewpoints more receptive. In a German study, participantsread on-screen arguments- including one highlighted as "recommended"- that challenged their views. Peoplethink of recommendations as attuned to their existing preferences, so the gentle nudge worked: It madesubjects eager to learn more about the opposing idea. SETP 3 ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS Investigatorsand doctors can put lives at risk when they inquire too narrowly. An Australian study suggests sticking to open-ended questions: "Do you know anything about what happened to my cookies?" rather than "Did you seeGrandpa swipe my cookie jar?" Police officers who followed this practice were less biased by preinterviewbriefings and less likely to steer testimony toward their preconceptions.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 11 of 34 THE BRAIN THAT HEALS ITSELF Author: Gravotta, Luciana Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 15.ProQuest document link Full Text: MICHAEL KILGARD, PH.D. ONWHETHERWECAN REVERSEDAMAGEIN THEBRAIN.INSTEADOFJUSTTRYINGTOFIXIT WHAT IF THERE were a way to treat everything from tinnitus to post-traumatic stressdisorder by harnessing the very mechanism that creates the faulty circuits in the first place? Michael Kilgard,Ph.D., a neuroscientist at the University of Texas at Dallas, discusses an experimental new approachtargetedneural plasticitythat aims to do just that. So far, as Kilgard reports in Trends in Neurosciences, it has beeneffective in rats, and results of an early trial in humans were encouraging. Still, many years of additionalresearch are needed before the treatment might become clinically available. -Luciana Gravotta Which disorderscould be treated with this approach? Any aspect of brain function that is pathological could- in principle- berestored. We have a better understanding every day of how to activate the right circuits, and we're now learningthat if you pair that with the release of certain neurotransmitters, it can drive plasticity. Why would we want tomanipulate neural plasticity? We've come to understand that brain changes are one of the major contributors toneurological and psychiatric disease. The brain often improves in the context of learning and memory, but in thecase of injurywhether it is the loss of an arm or brain damage from a stroke- the changes to the brain areusually not helpful. Let's talk specifics; how does the tinnitus treatment work? The patient will hear a range ofdifferent tones paired with vagus nerve stimulation, which doesn't cause any pain or discomfort. Because wetune more neurons to the new frequency than to the old one, the brain concludes that the tinnitus frequency isless important and will shrink the cluster of neurons that "hears" it, thereby reversing the pathological brainchanges that caused it.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 12 of 34 Till Unfriending Do Us Part Author: Friedman, Lauren F Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 18.ProQuest document link

Full Text: Headnote A MODERN GUIDE TO NAVIGATING THE LIFECYCLE OF A RELATIONSHIP-ONFACEBOOK. facebook REMEMBER PRIVACY? TWO people could meet, fall in love, and start a life together,and only their families and perhaps closest friends would know. Well, that's a thing of the past- at least for the 1billion (and counting) people on Facebook. "It makes our relationships transparent in a way they've never beenbefore," says Rosanna Guadagno, a social psychologist at the National Science Foundation who has studiedonline behavior. A slew of recent findings demonstrates that the ubiquitous social networking giant is now afactor and often a complication at every stage of a relationship. -Lauren F. Friedman Nice to E-Meet You If youlike someone on Facebook, it might be worth a shot in the flesh: A growing body of research suggests thatpeople are roughly the same on- and offline. One study in Psychological Science reports that when people rateothers' personalities based only on their Facebook profiles, the assessments tend to be an accurate reflection ofreality. But superficial things manipulate our perceptions: Israeli researchers found that when a man is holding aguitar in his profile photo, women are three times more likely to respond positively to a flirtatious introduction.Status Update Anxiety In the 1963 movie musical Bye Bye Birdie, one of the central scenes has all theteenagers in town frantically calling each other with the news that the two main characters are "going steady."Now? One simple click, and everyone knows. "Commitment is no longer a private relationship agreement,"observes Muise, and that can lead to very public problems. A recent study from the University of Wisconsin-Madison found that disagreements within couples over the perilous "relationship status" field were associatedwith lower relationship satisfaction for women. It's Complicated The wealth of information on a typical profile canbe dangerous. "Being on Facebook exposes us to information about our partner that we may not otherwise beprivy to and that lacks context," notes Amy Muise, a social psychologist at the University of Toronto. A recentstudy led by Muise found that the more time people spend on Facebook, the more jealous of their partners theyare likely to be. (Whether Facebook "creeping" leads to jealousy or jealousy leads to "creeping" is difficult totease apart, but the authors suggest that it's most likely a bit of both.) Goodbye for Never Cutting ties was onceas easy as burning a pile of love letters and shipping a box of left-behind miscellany, but breaking up onFacebook adds a new layer of complexity. "I've heard people say over and over again: ? breakup is not officialuntil it happens on Facebook,'" notes Guadagno- but even then, it's hard to make a clean break. About 75percent of those surveyed in Muise's study indicated that they were inclined to add ex-partners as friends;another study found that a third of users actively keep tabs on their exes, although such behavior is associatedwith more distress and difficulty moving on.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 13 of 34 HELP ME, HELP YOU Author: Koren, Marina Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 21.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote WHY EVERY CUSTOMER SHOULD BE POLITE. WHEN A DEMANDING diner beganyelling and swearing at Shari Moore, asking to speak to her boss, the newly hired waitress felt shaken. "Ibecame ultraconscious of what I was doing," says Moore, who began overlooking crucial details of her job. "Agood server has to move automatically. If you let bad customer get in your head, you're going to crack."WAITER HATERS The service industry is a perfect test bed for studying the effects of aggression on cognition:Employees are forced to stifle their feelings and to keep right on working-no matter how rude someone is. Theresult? minor aggression from customers can negatively affect performance, reports a recent study in theJournal of Applied Psychology. employees get stuck wondering what went wrong, dwelling on the encounter,

and feeling upset. All three reactions tax cognitive resources and reduce workers' ability to process information,which ultimately leads to errors on the job. BRAIN DRAIN Smarter people- who theoretically have morebrainpower to spare- are surprisingly no better off than others. "They have more resources, but what's probablyhappening is that they take all their resources and invest them in dealing with the rudeness instead of handlingthe task," says study author Amir Erez, a professor at the University of Florida's business school. GRIN ANDBEAR IT? Cheerful employees may also be at a disadvantage when a grumpy customer rolls in, finds a study inMotivation and Emotion. After experiencing rudeness, upbeat people felt even worse than did their lessenthusiastic coworkers, perhaps because ungratefulness is more jarring to employees who are really trying tobe helpful. And the more people expend energy by faking enthusiasm, notes Penn State psychologist AliciaGrandey, the more quickly they burn glucose the brain might otherwise use for cognitive tasks. VIEW FROMTHE TOP Smiles and smarts may not help manage rude customers, but the study found one talent- and onlyone- that seemed to ease the cognitive load. When employees excelled at taking another person's perspective,being berated had little effect on their performance. Why? Emotional distance makes verbal aggression lesstaxing, and those who can step into an angry customer's shoes may be able to see that an outburst is more areflection of a customer's feelings than a referendum on a worker's skills, Erez suggests. Fortunately, observesJohn Willis, who handled calls at Ticketmaster for two years, working with irate customers gets easier withexperience. "After so many times of havingyour life threatened as soon as you say hello," he says, "the effectkind of wears off." -Marina Koren Sidebar "IF YOU LET EVERY BAD CUSTOMER GET IN YOUR HEAD,YOU'RE GOING TO CRACK."

_______________________________________________________________ Document 14 of 34 Old Dogs, New Tricks Author: Anonymous Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 22-23.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote CAN PEOPLE CHANGE? OR ARE SOME PARTS OF US SET IN STONE? "HE'LLNEVER LEARN," "she always was a bad kid," and "once a cheater, always a cheater" all reflect a commonbelief: People never really change. While there may be a kernel of truth in this folk wisdom, it doesn't squarewith recent research. PTbloggers (psychologytoday com) set the record straight. Brain Training The old rule inneurology was that by age 21, our brains are done growing and that the only change is for the worse: atrophy,damage, etc. We've turned that old rule on its head: Neuroplasticity, the brain's capacity to grow and change,has been clearly confirmed in human adults. By noticing and making more mindful choices about our thoughts,feelings, and reactions, we can actually change the structure, activity, and connections in our brain. Suchchanges are associated with increased and more balanced empathy, faster recovery after an argument, anddecreased negativity bias. MARSHA LUCAS, PH.D., "Rewire Your Brain For Love" Smarter Habits From thebrain's perspective, every experience in our life alters our brain forever afterward, so it is constantly changing,although mostly in minute ways. MPJ studies provide striking examples that quitting drugs, startingantidepressant treatments, practicing meditation, and even exercise can lead to structural and functionalchanges in the brain that correspond to changes in personality and behavior. JOSHUA GOWIN, PH.D., "You,Illuminated" Slow Drift The view of personality as set in plaster by age 30 has been debunked. We now knowthat personality can change throughout life, to the oldest ages we can test. The idea of a midlife crisis is just asmuch of a myth. Many people become more selfdirected and tolerant as they grow older; others spend much oftheir adult life looking for direction. We change in gradual ways as we learn to adapt to life's challenges, a

process that continues for as long as we do. SUSAN KRAUSS WHITBOURNE, ph.d., "Fulfillment at Any Age"It Takes a Village People clearly can change, but beliefs about change matter a lot. Someone who wants tochange has to believe that change is possible, and the people around that individual have to believe in changeas well. If the people around us do not believe that change is possible, then they will not be supportive of ourefforts. Ultimately, they will continue to treat us as if we are still the same old person deep down. ARTMARKMAN, PH. D., "Ulterior Motives" Motivation Matters The number one thing people can change is theirthoughts- and as a result, their perspective. It's just a matter of when you are ready. But sometimes we lie toourselves about change. We say we want things to be different, but we don't alter anything in our environmentGOAL AUZEEN SAEDI, PH.D., "Millennial Media" Trusting Yourself Some things about ourselves we can neverbasically change. Introversion is fundamentally innate, as is extraversion. But we can choose to develop our"inferior function" (e.g., extraversion in introverts), which we need to do to become more balanced and whole. Atthe same time, we can change our attitude toward our typology by deciding to value and accept it. Most peopletend to think that psychotherapy is all about change. But in my experience, it is at least as much aboutselfacceptance. The paradox is that by accepting ourselves as we are (rather than how we want to be or thinkwe should be), we do change. STEPHEN A. DIAMOND, PH.D., "Evil Deeds"

_______________________________________________________________ Document 15 of 34 ARE YOU BIASED? Author: Anonymous Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 24.ProQuest document link Full Text: RESEARCHERS USE IMPLICIT association tests to measure hidden biases. In the lab, the sampleexercise here is preceded by one labeled with more stereotypical associations (female/family, male/career).Men and women both stumble on the version below, as untangling long-held ideas about gender is cognitivelytaxing. (The sample will not yield valid results. To take a real IAT, visit implicit.harvard.edu.) Read each of thewords in column A in order, from top to bottom. Mark the circle on the left if it is a FEMALE or career word andthe circle on the right if it is a MALE or family word. Repeat with the words in column B.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 16 of 34 Your Bigoted Brain Author: Huston, Matt Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 24.ProQuest document link Full Text: Your Bigoted Brain DEEP-SEATED STEREOTYPES SHAPE YOUR THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, ANDACTIONS. BLINDSPOT: HIDDEN BIASES OF GOOD PEOPLE By Mahzarin R. Banaji and Anthony G.Greenwald DESPITE OUR BEST intentions, some biases die hard. Mahzarin R. Banaji and Anthony G.Greenwald's work has revolutionized social psychology, proving that- unconsciously- people are affected bydangerous stereotypes. Their research was popularized by Malcolm Gladwell in Blink; now they present theirown work to the public for the first time. Studies find that entrenched ideas about gender (women are less fit forwork than men), ethnicity (American means white), and age (old people are infirm) exist even among members

of the stereotyped groups. Assessments that expose our subconscious feelings about race show that about 75percent of people show an automatic preference for whites over blacks. Undoing the effects of internal prejudicerequires brazen intervention: After orchestras began implementing blind auditions in the 1970s, female hiresdoubled from 20 to 40 percent. -Matt Huston

_______________________________________________________________ Document 17 of 34 THE MYTHS OF HAPPINESS Author: Zeldovich, Lina Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 25.ProQuest document link Full Text: THE MYTHS OF HAPPINESS by Sonja Lyubomirsky WE TEND to believe that achievements, suchas marriage, kids, careers, and wealth, will make us happy, while failures, like divorces and lost savings, willkeep us dejected forever. But you can be happily broke or miserably rich. You can be joyfully single ordepressed amidst a loving family. Mind-set has the power to turn around even the worst circumstances. In eachchapter, Lyubomirksy details an event that people assume creates happiness (e.g., marrying well) or sadness(e.g., deferred dreams), and then goes on to show how each event can just as easily lead to the oppositeoutcome. Even good marriages can become boring, while reflecting on regrets can make us more mature,complex, and ultimately happier. Fretting about what life should look like can make us unaware of what wealready have- an idea summed up nicely by Socrates in the book's epigraph: "He who is not contented withwhat he has would not be contented with what he would like to have." -Lina Zeldovich

_______________________________________________________________ Document 18 of 34 PHYSICS IN MIND Author: Gravotta, Luciana Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 25.ProQuest document link Full Text: PHYSICS IN MIND by Werner R. Loewenstein TO PERCEIVE and understand the world around us,we need to process vast amounts of information. While the brain dedicates dense networks of neurons to thetask, biophysicist Loewenstein explains that the heavy lifting is done by a complex array of microscopic particlesmaking calculations at the quantum level. Light, for example, is made up of quantum-level particles calledphotons. The sensors in our eyes have not only evolved to detect these vanishingly small particles but to makesense of the information they convey with stunning speed. When you look at an object, different channels in thebrain simultaneously process separate inputs like shape, color, and location. Ultimately, survival depends onhow well an organism can spot patterns and distinguish signal from noise- a test of computational power. It's anindication, Loewenstein notes, that to understand the mysteries of consciousness, we may have to think small. -Luciana Gravotta

_______________________________________________________________ Document 19 of 34

MASTERMIND Author: Koren, Marina Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 25.ProQuest document link Full Text: MASTERMIND by Maria Konnikova THE FAST-PACED, high-tech world we inhabit may be morecomplex than Sherlock Holmes's Baker Street, but we can still leverage the mental strategies of the renownedreasoner. Weaving together the fictional detective's cases and modern day neuroscience, science journalistKonnikova explains exactly how. Much of our environment is unnecessary noise, so the key is learning how tofilter information, much as the famous detective does when he gathers clues. Instinct may be important, but amethodological approach (think: checklists) is essential. Mental breathing room is also crucial: When Holmeswas stuck on a case, he'd smoke a pipe and reflect. Ideas need time to incubate; not all solutions are Eurekamoments. Most people rely on mental shortcuts, flying autopilot on what Konnikova calls System Watson.Forcing the mind to observe, imagine, and deduce can make the brain more preciseimportant for solving casesor simply staying sharp as we age. -Marina Koren

_______________________________________________________________ Document 20 of 34 The Master of Hide &Seek Author: Dowling, Kyle Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 28-29.ProQuest document link Full Text: ( ECCENTRIC'S CORNER ) Privacy expert Frank Ahearn helps people bury the skeletons in theircloset- and start life anew. By Kyle Dowling FOR OVER 25 years, Frank Ahearn has been tracking downindividuals who don't want to be found and helping others disappear. His mastery of the dark art of deceptionhas made him a sought-after commodity for those who wish to obscure their identity virtually as well. Though histactics maybe unorthodox, they're never illegal. Like the antihero in a high-tech spy thriller, Ahearn knows themanipulations necessary for slipping away without a trace. Your profession isn't one you'd share with thecommon barfly. How do you describe what you do? I try to avoid it. When I say that I specialize in digitaldeception and the disappearingof individuals, people don't know what to think. To be honest, I find it odd too. SoI say I'm a privacy expert. Why do people want to disappear? Typically they've come into money and want toprotect themselves from becoming a target. Or they need to escape violence. I worked with a woman whosehusband became quite controlling about where she went and with whom, how she spent money. He threatenedto kill her if she left. She wanted to be sure he could never find her, so she gave up a lucrative business- we puther where she could work within a corporation and not be traced. Do you give clients new identities? Never.Only the government can do that. The goal is for you to be you but go unnoticed. It's a new start. However, onedoes need to change habits. If you have a stalker and he knows that you're an avid bowler, quit. Unfortunately,we're creatures ofhabit. That's dangerous in hiding. How do they grapple with a new life? For stalker victims it'sa relief. But they have a lot of paranoia about the car that's driven too slowly, the caller who hangs up on them.Danger is a serious motivator-be strong or crumble. Most go with strong. For clients who come into money, it'smore of a metamorphosis. They move abroad. Like a snake who sheds its skin, they leave the old life behind.Do people assume you act illegally? Absolutely. People ask if I can get them a passport or assist in movingmoney offshore. I do my research. If something doesn't smell right, I walk away. So the info you need is already

out there. How do you find it? I go into meetings knowing virtually everything about a person. One of the biggestmistakes people make is contributingto social media. They don't seem to think about how information could beutilized in the future. It's scary when you put it that way. The Internet has no delete button. When honest, decentpeople make a mistake, it can go viral and ruin their life. I fear that we'll live in a society where we'll no longerrespect that humans have faults, where we'll be screened, judged, or scorned by our digital lives, and no longerby the flesh and bones of who we are. In fact, you help people bury their online identities. How do you do it?Usually I'm hired by people who want to hide something embarrassing online or by wealthy people who fearabductionsso a predator trying to plan a kidnapping won't find any real information about their family on the Net.I take my client's name and create fake digital identities for it with Facebook and Twitter accounts, blogs,business websites. The idea is to make the false identities dimensional and give them a stronglnternetpresence. Then I take the content to be hidden and manipulate it If somethingnegative happened to JoeJohnson in L.A., I make it Chicago, then spread it online. I make it appear that the negative info is about JoeJohnson in Chicago- not the one in LA. How do your clients react when confronted with these alter egos? Atfirst, people freak out when they see what I'm building. It can be stupid content, like a recipe website for tuna, ablog, or a love-of-knitting site with their name attached. Eventually people realize there's a method to mymadness. There's no way to scrub information from the Internet- the only way to combat it is through the use ofdeception. So the digital lives I create wear the skeletons in a client's closet. How does it feel to create thesefalse personas? Surreal. I get paid to lie. But I love deception. When I surf the Net and see the results of mywork, I feel like a teen who sprayed graffiti all over Google, Yahoo, and the rest of them. What drew you to acareer built around misleading others? I remember the exact moment- when I was a kid. My family was at aChinese restaurant. My father said we were tourists and asked if we could keep a lobster fork as a souvenir; thewaiter said yes. But we lived a few blocks away. I learned that if you lie you can acquire things of value.Honestly, my only other obsession has always been money. How can I make it? My first job was deliveringgroceries, then I worked in a shoe store. From there I went into undercover work, catching retail workersstealing. I saw an ad in the paper and just applied for the job. So how did you build your business? After threeyears of undercover work, I started at an investigative agency where I saw a guy skip tracing- locatingsomeone's whereabouts. My boss let me try it, and once I got on the phone and did my first pretext [ lie], I knewit was for me. The disappearing came by accident. I met a guy in a bookstore- he was buying books aboutoffshore banking and privacy, but he paid with a credit card, which was stupid because it leaves a digitalfootprint. I introduced myself as a skip tracer and revealed how I could track him down that way. He told me hewas a whistle-blower moving offshore. Later, he asked if I'd help him disappear. If not this, what would you be?I'm not cut out for going to a normal job every day, so possibly an arch criminal. Sidebar Frank AhearnPROFESSION: Vanishing artist, manipulator of digita information, and author CLAIM TO FAME: Tracked downover 50,000 individuals as a skip tracer. Assisted another 100+ people in disappearing, virtu ally and in real life."When I see the results of my work, I feel like a teen who sprayed graffiti all over Google and Yahoo?'

_______________________________________________________________ Document 21 of 34 Love and Fatigue Author: King, Roger Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 30-32.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote (TWO-MINUTE MEMOIR ) Illness won love and lost love- then taught me how to live. ByRoger King THE TAPPING ON the wood door was enormous in the silence. Shocked out of my solitude, I

pushed myself up from the couch and heaved open the door. Silhouetted against the light was a dark-hairedwoman with a girl clinging to her skirt. I knew who she was. My landlady had told me about the woman I hadseen picking up mail at the post office. She'd called her "The Prize." My New Mexico village, thoughdeterminedly and anciently Hispanic, had a minority of Anglo immigrants seeking a simpler life. Within thisgroup, this woman was agreed to be the most beautiful and accomplished. Her handsome husband had foundher when she was working as a paleontologist in Africa and had enticed her back to her native America, and tothis village. The Prize. While I blinked into the light, questioning my own eyes, she remained composed in frontof me, a tableau of mother and child. "I'm Mary," she said, "and this is Zoe." Then she said in a low voice, thatshe had heard that I was ill and wondered if anyone was helping- perhaps she could shop for me, since shewas driving into Taos that day. I hurried to say yes, mentioning a few ill-considered items she might buy. I wassick and alone; the important thing was that she should return. In the two months I'd been there, I'd had onlyone other visitor: an inexplicable Great Dane who bustled in, made a brisk tour of the rooms, then nodded in mydirection and left without breaking stride, never to be seen again. He might have been a hallucination. But Maryand Zoe were real. And human. I was living alone in a lovely adobe house on the outskirts of this mountainvillage because nine months earlier I had suddenly collapsed in a gym in Spokane, Washington, and had notyet recovered. Standing up and thinking straight were daily struggles, and my body was a collection of aches,systemic malfunctions, and muscles that refused to obey orders. At the time of my collapse I'd been a visitingprofessor, a novelist recently invited from England, set on starting a new life. Since I had no life yet in Spokane,and a friend of a friend had a house to rent in New Mexico, I went there to convalesce and return to vigor. So farthere was no progress; I spent my days motionless in bed or on the couch, waiting for sufficient pools of energyto accumulate for occasional bursts of shopping or cooking or other essentials of life. A visit to the bathroomoften required an hour of stillness in preparation and another to recover. The illness that had struck mesuddenly in the Spokane gym was Myalgie Encephalomyelitis (ME), generally known as chronic fatiguesyndrome. "Fatigue" in this demeaning usage is misleading. For sufferers- over a million in the United States- itmeans a comprehensively debilitating set of physical and mental dysfunctions. Many people are profoundly andpermanently disabled. One likely explanation is viral brain damage resulting from an immune system failure.The regulation of the body goes awry; a madman has seized the controls. There is no cure, but when I metMary, 20 years ago, I did not believe this. I believed it might be serious for less robust people, but for me, a manof 43 who'd worked around the world and shrugged off tropical diseases, return to full health was a certainty-just a matter of time. FIRST CAME Mary's offer to shop, then tea, then tea and conversation, then tea andconversation and 5-year-old Zoe on my lap. Then a visit from Mary alone. It emerged that she had recently lefther husband, but had returned for the sake of her daughter. She might leave again, she thought. She mightleave with me. I was not a good prospect. I had some modest savings, but on my good days I could do only afraction of what a healthy person could do. On bad days I could do almost nothing. Yet, miraculously, Marywanted me as much as I wanted her. At heart she was a gentle person who had grown up in a loving householdof women after her father had abandoned themlnamomentofconfessionthatwent against her private nature, sheadmitted that in spite of her outward sheen she often felt too small for the world. Her husband was assertive andbrash; she could no longer bear this besieging of her inner self. She would leave and take Zoe with her. Andme, she would take me too. Later I came to understand that it was my sickness that brought Mary to me. Inhealth, I might have tried to match, impress, or capture her, and she would have shied away. But in illness, withits enforced stillness and humility, she had come to me. She was its prize. Mary and Zoe moved to a cottageoutside Santa Fe, and when all was prepared, I joined them. The house was already crammed with theirbelongings, so my life was subsidiary to theirs, a smallness I would never have accepted in health, anothergrace from illness. Mary's ex, a decent man, never wavered in his friendliness. I took this to be a further benefitof disability: It removed me from the ranks of challenging men. We conspired in the care of Zoe, who loved usboth. In the beginning I told Mary that I expected to soon recover. While we waited for this development, we

discovered the peculiar difficulties of our love. My energy was in short and irregular supply, and any physical ormental effort could lead to a crash. Priorities formed in me. First, Zoe, through ages 5, 6, 7, must be shieldedfrom any sense of my limitations. I must carry her gigglingto her bath each night- blessedly, no distance in theone-story house- regardless of the cost to me. She would always have my attention when she needed it, and beprovided with protection and nourishment when Mary was off excavating dinosaurs. Mary had what was left ofme- never as much as I wished. Even the pleasant sociability ofbeingwith someone I loved, the laughing andtouching, came at a cost that could not be restored by her nurturing. There were hard choices to make. Whenwe made love- and we wanted to make love- it needed to be first thingin the morning, before I was depleted bythe day. Lovemaking, by necessity slow, and therefore lengthy, and none the worse for this, left me barelyconscious, my nervous system stunned into disarray. It would preempt the day, forbidding a planned drive to thestore, making later dinner preparations a nightmare of effort. This was the choice in ray life with Mary: I couldhave achievement either in the love or in the labor. She never complained. But the truth was that we were in atriangular relationship with an imperious third party, ME disease. Fickle and changeable, it was the tyrantamong us- deaf to entreaty, insistent on the priority of its needs. We continued in this way for three years, ourfamily completed by the arrival of Arthur, alovable mutt. I'd never settled easily, and this was as settled as I hadever been. My health was calmed but essentially unchanged, and money was becoming short. Mary hinted thatit was time I played my part more fully. Any hint from Mary, who hated to ask for anything, carried force. So,persuading myself that time was healing me, I recklessly took a job at a university in San Francisco. Mary andZoe would join me once I became established. But I never did. Instead, I became progressively more disabledfrom the effort of work, and the job ended three years later after a physical and mental collapse. Long beforethen, Mary had found a far more promising lover. She'd called, saying "I can see an alternative future. It's notlike when I left my husband. I'm not angry." "There's someone else?" I asked. "In a sense," she said. This reply,typically elliptical, was sufficient. My heart broke in the instant. After I had left, she'd unearthed an old admirer ata paleontology conference, a man with a home and prospects. She loved me, but felt abandoned. I felt thisdisloyalty unfair, given the enormous effort I was making. But I would never be able to support Mary and Zoe.What illness had given me, illness had taken away. After thought, Mary added, "You can have Arthur." It turnedout that taking care of Arthur was die love I could manage. After my final collapse, we set outonaslow-motiontour of America's cheap motels. Still obsessing over Mary and Zoe, and wishingto vanish, I was drawn toabandoned mining towns in Nevada, but in die end we came to rest in a small house in the woods of westernMassachusetts. Arthur discovered squirrels and, with difficulty, I surrendered to a life of lying down. ME diseasewas clear in its requirements. It did not like willful effort or a busy mind. Ambition inflamed it. It wanted no truckwith heartbreak. It liked calm: watchingbirds at the feeder, strolls with Arthur by die brook, fixed habits. It wastraining me how to live, perhaps how I should always have lived- more simply, more present. Its lesson, that weare part of somethinglarger and do not control our lives, was a timeless one common to all spiritual traditions, alesson in oneness, the essence of love. This, then, was my American lifesolitary, quiet, a good dog forcompany. It was not what I had imagined a decade earlier: recognition, prosperity, a lovely wife, adoringchildren. But one day I woke up and understood that I was all right. I was still sick, but I picked up a pen againand began slowly to write a book about it all. When someone new finally came along, I would have some life tooffer. ROGER KING'S fifth book, Love and Fatigue in America, was published last year. Sidebar STILL LIFEThe author today. The only useful treatment he h, discovered for disease is sailing on the ocean. The diseasewas clear in its requirements. It did not like willful effort or a busy mind. It wanted no truck with heartbreak.Sidebar We were in a triangular relationship with an imperious third party.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 22 of 34

UNCONVENTIONAL WISDOM Author: Marano, Hara Estroff Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 36-37.ProQuest document link Full Text: LOVE ON THE INTERNET I'm a seasoned dater and attempted a distance romance for the third time-against my better judgment. Over two months, communication progressed from email, to calls, to texting. Overtime, there was more texting than calling. We finally met face to face, and a week later he dropped out of sight. Iwasn't sure what was going on. By day three, I started asking questions by text and email (he couldn't/wouldn'tcall) and probably ended up the clingy girlfriend. I'm not fond of my sometimes frantic tone, but I wonderwhether I did something wrong. Ultimately, he thought he was not up for the relationship and felt I got impatient;I'd have to agree. Do distance relationships impose an extra burden on communication? Is over-communicationcommon at first? What advice do you have for someone who might consider an online relationship again?Starting, developing, and sustaining an online relationship for two months before meeting is actually a high-wireact But because such relationships are easy to enter, we assume, mistakenly, that they are easy to conduct,which is why so many end badly. Further, they are almost always a kind of Rorschach test: They are moreabout ourselves and what we project onto others than what exists objectively. Very little personal investment isrequired to initiate or respond to an online overture. There's no way ofknowing the intentions of the other, theirreal interest in or ability to invest in a new relationship, and confrontingthe matter is a sure turnoff. Is this personsincerely seekinga connection- or just testingthe appeal of some facet of personality to see how others react? Isthe person actingout ofboredom or convenience or is there a true desire for commitment? And as easily assomeone clicked on, that's how easily someone can click off. Next! The hazards imposed by the extremely lowbarrier to entry can, however, be considerably surmounted by moving communication forward at a measuredpace, with equal contributions by both parties. But that's not what usually happens. Online romances can feelquite thrilling (and some people engage in them just for such thrills) because they tend to move very quickly atfirst; people tend to reveal a great deal about themselves without emotional restraint, and, very often, one partyis doingmuch more of the revealing while the other is merely reacting or, worse, just an audience for theperformance of the other. As Israeli philosopher Aaron Ben-Ze'ev puts it in Love Online: Emotions on theInternet, there is a price to pay for attempting to conduct a relationshipby solitary means- "theriskofbeingcaptured by your own desire." Yet, for relationships to work, there generally has to be equality ofinvestment every step of the way. Online, attachment develops separately and independently todifferingdegrees and at differingspeeds in each party's imagination. Absent in-person contact, there is no meansof developing a shared understanding of the degree of affection engaged. Each person is free to dwell in hisand her own fantasies, to indulge emotions and project emotional needs onto the invisible other- withoutawareness that such events are going on- while deepening an investment in a relationship that...well, isn't quiteyet a relationship. (And some people seem to prefer that kind of relationship to the greater complexities of realsocial involvement.) Because online relationships are such a novel development in the history of humanity, ourown emotional systems are totally unprepared for dealingwith all their contradictory elements. Anotherchallenge is that electronic communication compresses time so that waitingthree days for a response feels likesomething has gone radically off track. That, of course, only encourages your own anxieties to work overtime,leadingyou to behave in desperate ways to preserve what seems threatened, which you may regard as arelationship but which may be far from having emotional traction yet for the other. So, yes, distancerelationships impose a huge and hidden burden on communication from the start Sadly, whatyou describe is atrajectory of ascending then declining investment- from email, to calling, to texting. Texting is the ultimate incommunication convenience. The medium is not conducive to articulatingthoughts or feelings. Minimal as the

psychic investment it requires is, the time investment it demands is even lower- waitingfor alight to change isenough for firingoff a message. Communication that quickly settles into texting in lieu of anything moreengaging should set offalarmbellsaboutinterest level. In other words, there were signs that your relationship wasdowntrending before you and your friend even met. But it's difficult to countenance that when you're whipped upemotionally and high on the fumes of expectations. You'd be better off regularly testingthecontinuinginterestofthe invisible other- by not rushing to respond to each communiqué and allowing die otherperson the opportunity to reach out and contact you. Had you recognized die signals, you could have savedyourself a lot of disappointment and at least salvaged your dignity by not behaving in ways you hate. But stopbeating yourself up. Your friend was out of die relationship before he was in it. His withdrawal didn't hinge onyour clinginess or impatience; those became convenient excuses; it started earlier. You don't have to abandonthe hope of finding love online. You just have to approachitwith intelligence andrestraint Because onlinerelationships pose the built-in risk of being more unilateral tiian mutual- more imagined than real- it's best toallow some breathingtime between responses. And I don't mean heavy breathing. Further, because two monthsis a long time for sustaining an intimate relationship with a stranger, it's best to move for a faceto-face meetingsooner radier than later. WHEN SKYPE IS NOT ENOUGH My boyfriend of almost a year and I met online andlive in different cities. We can see each other only on weekends, if he isn't busy. I've doubted his definition of"busy" for a while now, but I just stumbled upon a bigger issue: He thinks chatting online and texting areequivalent to knowing someone in person (except for touch, of course). We argue about thisas always overSkype chat- and I just can't show him how wrong, just WRONG, this is! I know compromise is necessary, but Iam not, and never will be, OK with this. I'm sick of never seeing him, sick of chatting by Skype, and sick of himthinking I have no reason to be angry! Am I "overreacting" again? Does this mean he has no motivation to seeme except sex? I might leave him if we can't work this out. UH-OH. You seem to approach life as a joust. Yourboyfriend is not an opponent. And the path to romance is not paved by showing anybody how wrong, justWRONG, he is- not via Skype, not via telephone, not even face to face. Distance relationships are hard enough.And then you top it all off with anger, which is not anyone's idea of an aphrodisiac. It's remarkable yourboyfriend has endured it this long; most people tend to run like hell from it. Overreacting"again"? It sounds as ifyou didn't get you whatyou wanted in the past. And you're not getting it now. So we can conclude that it's timeto try a new strategy. The truth is thatyou don't knowwhatyour boyfriend's motivations are. You're giving himmany reasons to pull back and then compounding the matter by not allowing him away to reveal his true level ofinterest. You don't have to be OK with conducting a relationship by Skype. It'sricherthan texting but noreplacement for the real thing. However, instead of insisting that your boyfriend is wrong, channel yourdissatisfaction in a positive direction by making a request (not a demand) for change. The goal is to keep it fromsounding like a complaint while encouraging a response. You could say something along the lines of, "Youknow, I'm really fond of you and enjoy spendingtime with you. I'm glad we have Skype for being in touch, but forme, the computer is a poor second to beingwith you. I do better relating to the flesh-andblood you. Doessubstituting electronic contact for real contact bother you as much as it does me?" That kind of request opensthe door for you to get good information. But the issue is deeper than a Skype gripe. You see your beau onweekends? Lucky you! Seeing someone on weekends only is not unreasonable- even for two people who live inthe same city. If you revise your expectations and reframe your dissatisfaction positively, you won't be workingyourself into a lather all the time. And there's no telling what surprises you might hear from your boyfriend.Sidebar Online relationships are actually high-wire acts. AuthorAffiliation HARA ESTROFF MARANOASKHARA@PSYCHOLOGYTODAY.COM

_______________________________________________________________ Document 23 of 34

But It's All Natural! Author: Friedman, Lauren F Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 38-39.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote (OUTSIDE IN) Do we have an instinctive preference for herbal remedies? By Lauren F.Friedman IMAGINE YOU have a choice between two medications. One is advertised as "natural," while theother is a conventional pharmaceutical. Would you prefer one to the other, or would you be indifferent? What ifyou learned that the two substances are chemicallyidentical, with the same success rates and side effectswouldyou consider changingyour mind? Opinions about natural medicine can vary widely among cultures andindividuals, but when this thought experiment was presented to a diverse sample of Philadelphians, 58 percentexpressed an immediate preference for the natural remedy. Even when those participants were told that themedications were chemically identical, only 18 percent of them adjusted their answer to conventional orindifferent. If two substances are functionally indistinguishable, with the very same outcomes- what explains thepersistent preference for one over the other, just because it's called "natural"? Logically, the two products wouldseem to be interchangeable, but when we make a decision based on limited information, logic doesn't havemuch to do with it. "The way we perceive risk is not just about the facts, it's about how the facts feel," explainsDavid Ropeik, author of How Risky Is It, Really? "Natural risks worry us less." A "natural preference" bias iswellestablished when it comes to food and persists even when the arguments people use to justify it becomemoot (e.g., healthfulness). Our trust in the natural world may be elemental, something that cuts deeper thandeliberation. The biophilia hypothesis, introduced by the biologist E.O. Wilson, posits that humans feel anaffinity for other livingthings. "We don't see nature as out to exploit or harm us," says psychologist Paul Slovic ofDecision Research. Paul Rozin, the University of Pennsylvania psychologist who led the Philadelphiaexperiment, has found that when people free associate with the concept of "natural," almost all of theirassociations are positive. "The very word," Slovic notes, "conveys an aura of positive feelings, safety, andwholesomeness. Nature has a very good image." Once the image of safety and purity has set in, it's hard toshake. Even when an herbal medicine yields adverse results, it's associated with weaker feelings of anger andregret than when the very same damage is done by a synthetic, Princeton psychologist Eldar Shafir has shown.Meanwhile, if an herbal remedy and a prescription both lead to the same positive outcome, subjects tend to saythat die herbal option was more effective. The mostly favorable impressions of herbal treatments suggest that inthe U.S., natural medicine is not going away. All told, we spend about $22 billion each year on natural products,and herbal medicine has been the fastest-growing category. Among herbal medicine consumers, naturalness ismost often cited as the primary reason for usage, Shafir found, while a third of respondents in a large Canadiansurvey said that natural products are better than conventional pharmaceuticals because they are natural. Thecircular reasoning is enough to make one's head spin. The lure of naturalness is so powerful that it cansupersede what might otherwise be more pressing concerns. "The naturalness and associated perceived lackof side effects were more important than perceived efficacy," concludes a recent study in Medical DecisionMaking that assessed consumers' attitudes toward sleep aids. Whether or not the medicine actually worked wassecondary. While the study involved in-depth interviews with just 25 subjects, every single one made referenceto a product's "natural" or "chemical" source as a factor in their assessment. They perceived the manufacturedmedications as more effective but the natural sleep aids as less likely to cause side effects; in the end, the latterwon out. For most natural products, safety is a crucial selling point. When Pfizer researchers had people ratethe perceived safety of everything from airplanes to cleaners, they found that herbal medicines were rated asvery low risk- safer even than coffee and birth control. Of course, perceived safety and actual safety aredifferent beasts. "Although herbs are often perceived as 'natural' and therefore safe, many different side effects

have been reported, owingto active ingredients, contaminants, or interactions with drugs," notes a review in theJournal of Internal Medicine. Yet a study of Italian women found that 72 percent of those who used herbalproducts never told their physicians, largely because they perceived the therapies as risk-free and assumedtheir doctors wouldn't know much about the products or care. Part of the explanation for such logical missteps isthat we are often forced to make decisions about medications in an informational vacuum: Herbal medicine maybe under-tested and almost completely unregulated, but poor labeling means that even FDA-approved drugscan conspicuously lack the information a reasonable consumer might want. "People are forced to trust a systemthat they don't understand," says Baruch Fischhoff, a decision scientist at Carnegie Mellon and a former chair ofthe FDA's Risk Communication Advisory Committee. "It's not a consumer failure; it's a market failure." In aregulatory environment that often shields consumers from a full, nuanced picture of the risks and benefits of anygiven substance, it's no wonder we get tripped up, shortsightedly relying on one of our oldest heuristics: If itcomes from the earth, it's probably fine. Just steer clear of the arsenic. Sidebar The lure of naturalness is sopowerful, it trumps more pressing concerns.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 24 of 34 Sick With Sadness Author: Hutson, Matthew Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 40-41.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote (MIND YOUR BODY) Why do some people die from grief, while others pull through? ByMatthew Hutson TWO YEARS ago, Susie Katz's husband of 47years died. "He was a total partner ineverything," she says. One of the things the 74-year-old missed the most was the ability to share little Germanexpressions they both understood. Life without him "felt empty and lonely." But she continued to volunteer ather synagogue, started walkingwith a friend, and set up a game table at her Los Angeles-area home, where sheteaches four mahjong classes a week. The fact that Katz is so active- or even alive- is not to be taken forgranted. The death of a partner increases one's own risk of death by 10 to 40 percent over the next few years.This "widowhood effect" is even greater in the first six months and can linger for 10 years or longer. Yet somesurvivors, such as Katz, seem to remain healthy, prompting psychologists to ask whether certain people aremore vulnerable than others, and whether we can diagnose and reduce such vulnerability. Now a new studyreported in Brain, Behavior, and Immunity offers an important clue: Some people are genetically inclined tosuffer increased inflammation in response to bereavement, while others are not. Research has shown thatacute stressors such as public speaking and mental arithmetic, as well as chronic stressors like maritalproblems and a history of child abuse, both heighten inflammation. This immune response, which attacksinvadingpathogens but can damage the body's own tissues, is thought to get a jump start when the bodysenses imminent danger. That's handy when a predator or enemy is about to attack and cause injury andpossible infection, but a chronic state of fight-or-flight prolongs inflammation beyond its usefulness, and thebody starts to destroy itself. Inflammation raises the risk of such ailments as heart disease, cancer, andrheumatoid arthritis. Given that bereavement causes stress, stress causes inflammation, and inflammationcauses disease and death, a team of researchers suspected that inflammation might partially explain the impactof widowhood on life expectancy. And they wondered if they could tell, based on genetic makeup, who would bemost susceptible to the effect. The researchers looked at 64 adults age 61 to 83, about half of whom werewidowed (for two years, on average). They measured the blood levels of several inflammation-inducingmolecules, including one called interleukin-6, or IL-6. The researchers also looked for different variations of a

gene responsible for producingIL-6. In widows who had a low-producing variation, IL-6 concentration was nodifferent from that in nonwidowed controls. But for those with the high-producing variation (about half thesubjects), bereavement doubled the level of IL-6. The upshot? The combination of genetics and widowhoodincreased inflammation, even years after a partner's death. This is the first study showinggenetic susceptibilityto bereavement stress, says lead author Mary-Frances O'Connor, a psychologist at the University of Arizona.Practically, actual IL-6 levels (which your doctor can easily measure) are more important than genotype forpredicting health outcomes, she adds, but if we find a drug targeting the IL-6 gene, genetic testing couldsomeday be critical. Widowhood can also increase the risk of death by altering living arrangements andbehavior. For women, loss of a spouse through death or divorce often means a loss of income, which can affecthousing, health care, nutrition, and overall stress levels. A man, on the other hand, can often no longer rely on apartner who may have cooked, cleaned, looked after him, and maintained his social calendar. "In a way he'slosing his primary health care provider," says Felix Elwert, a sociologist at the University ofWisconsin-Madisonwho studies spousal loss. (Of course, all couples are different, but the widowhood effect is generally stronger formen.) The initial spike in mortality after a partner's death indicates that it's not just a loss of benefits but how aperson adjusts to widowhood that affects health. Research shows that becoming socially isolated increasesboth blood pressure and inflammation, while a strong community-friends, support groups, a church- can makegrieving less hard on a widow or widower. Aside from reaching out or moving closer to loved ones, widowedindividuals can take a number of steps to try to extend their lives. Studies have found diat cognitive behavioraltherapy, aerobic exercise, meditation, T'ai Chi Chih, and a Mediterranean diet all reduce the IL-6 level in theblood. In one study, subjects who practiced compassion meditation for six weeks felt decreased anxiety andproduced fewer inflammation biomarkers when placed in a stressful situation. Still, O'Connor's top piece ofadvice after losing anyone you're close to is to visit the family doctor. A checkup will pick up on signs ofinflammation, as well as other health issues (widowhood increases the risk of heart disease, cancer, diabetes,and alcoholism). Medical attention is particularly urgent if you've been neglectingyour own wellness while takingcare of a dying partner, O'Connor notes. "It's a really critical time to think about your physical health as well asyour emotional health." Sidebar Social isolation increases inflammation as well as blood pressure.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 25 of 34 Can't Hurry Love Author: Huston, Matt Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 42.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote (SEX) When you first decide to have sex matters- even years later. TEENS may shudderwhen parents confront them about the birds and the bees, but the age at which people choose to have sex isassociated with relationship satisfaction long after prom night. A new study reported in Psychological Scienceanalyzed data from 3,000 participants and found that people who put off sexual intercourse until afteradolescence are less likely to be in a serious relationship a decade later- but more likely to be happy with it ifthey are. "When we're talking about early sex versus late sex, there are a lot of differences other than the sexitself," says the study's author, Paige Harden, a psychologist at The University of Texas at Austin. A first-timesexual experience may bea reflection of personality traits, circumstances, and values- not a clear event thatsets someone on a particular course. Still, even when the study controlled for potentially confounding variablesby comparing siblings, the age of first sex was significant. Men and women in their late 20s and early 30s whohad waited until after age 19 to make their sexual debut reported an average of one-and-a-half total romantic

partners versus early starters' three to four. They were also less likely to have married and half as likely to havelived with a significant other. But those who were in committed relationships were happier than average.Harden's findings don't prove that holding onto your virginity for longer directly leads to fewer and moresatisfying couplings. People with strongself-control or high mate selectivity may simply be more inclined to holdout for both intercourse and, later, a more satisfying union. While dating is important for learning aboutrelationships, more experience does not necessarily mean better experience, notes Harden. Whether or not sexis a net positive has plenty to do with context, partners, and precautions- and waiting may have some perks.Teens who figure out how to navigate pairings where sex is not a distraction may have more time to soak upinterpersonal skills that are essential to healthy relationships at every age, suggests sociologist Ann Meier."They might be learninghowto communicate across genders, how to compromise," she says. Society seemsfixated on the immediate consequences of teen sex, but Harden's research suggests that it maybe prudent totake a longer view. Sidebar WORTH WAITING FOR? SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS BY THE NUMBERS *Average age of first intercourse Men: 17 Women: 17 * Percent Cohabiting (age 25-29) Men: 20 Women: 17 *Median age at first marriage Men: 28 Women: 26 Source: CDC National Survey of Family Growth

_______________________________________________________________ Document 26 of 34 A Clockwork Orange ...or Pork Chop Author: Zeldovich, Lina Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 44-45.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote [NATURE'S BOUNTY] It's not what you eat but when you eat it that impacts how your bodyburns it off. And not eating at the right time has an equally profound effect. INSIDE EVERY ONE of US IS aclock, a tiny cluster of 20,000 cells in the frontal part of the brain. This natural chronometer, set by morning lighthitting the retina, establishes our roughly 24-hour biological pace, also known as circadian rhythm. The clockthen sends a signal to most body organs: It's time to wake up. When the lights go off at night, it preps the bodyfor sleep. Rooted in Earth's light-dark cycles, this timer makes us who we are: diurnal animals deeply attuned toa most basic feature of the environment. If we throw off that synchrony repeatedly, we are at risk of developingdisorders from sleep disturbances to cancer. Yet a surprising force stronger than dusk and dawn can easilybreak its flow, scientists say, pushing our bodies into a precarious abyss of biological malfunction. It's notpollution. It's not heavy metals. It's not even stress. It's food. While the master clock governs our sleep andwake schedule, it doesn't coordinate how the liver, stomach, and kidneys work in tandem to perform theirfunctions. It is food that kick-starts the digestive machine when we first eat in the morning, and it is food that hasdie power to restart it at midnight, overriding the brain's directive to sleep. Food is imperative for survival, and ithas not always filled our pantries; asaresult, die body responds to it automatically, day or night. Longcommutes, demanding careers, round-the-clock TV, and the ever-on Internet keep us awake muchlonger thanour ancestors ever imagined. Our social life lasts way past sunset- totaling 14 to 16 hours, or more- just whenour body clock should be winding down. As long as we are awake, we tend to troll for food. "We may bespending up to 18 hours a day eating," observes biologist Satchin Panda of the SaIk Institute. We may not bechewing every waking moment, but we are munching enough to deprive the body of the time it needs to burnthe fuel it has consumed. To successfully process what we take in, we have to fast. "When we fast, our bodyturns on hundreds of thousands of genes that break down fat and cholesterol," Panda reports. Yet, if we eatcontinuously, they never engage. Just to turn on the natural metabolic furnace, we must fast for five or sixhours. And then we must continue fasting for about the same amount of time to burn the calories accumulated

during our awake time. The early birds have it right. "Major fat burning occurs when we sleep," saysneuronutrition researcher Oren Froy of Hebrew University in Jerusalem. During the nighttime fast, the liverswitches from burning carbohydrates to burning fats, breaking lipids into glycerol and fatty acids. In short, theprocess makes us leaner and healthier. The longer the fast, the more calories burned. People who sleep moreweigh less. Although fasting is key to a healthy metabolism, supplying our digestive conveyor with the rightfoodstuff at the right time is important as well. Metabolic hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisone, peak inthe morning, anything consumed between dawn and noon is immediately transformed into vigor and strength."That's why you must eat in the morning," says Froy's colleague Daniela Jakubowicz, even though traffic jams,school start times, and early meetings encourage us to skip breakfast. Scientists are nearly unanimous that it isthe most important meal of the day; it synchronizes our brain timer with our foodprocessingmachinery, settingthe entire body to run in metabolic harmony for the day so that we function at our best. A hearty breakfast thatsupplies both proteins and carbohydrates is ideal. If you don't eat protein in the morning, Jakubowicz warns,your system robs it from your muscles, which ultimately decreases metabolic capacity. Protein also boosts theability to focus, while consuming carbohydrates reduces levels of ghrelin, the hunger hormone. At breakfast wecan safely indulgedonuts, chocolate, and cake- secure in the knowledge that they will be actively metabolized ina high calorie-burning phase. Plus, Jakubowicz says, those early carbs will help curb afternoon sugar cravings.For lunch, anything goes- fats, proteins, carbs- as long as it's consumed around noon, while our metabolichormones are still at high tilt. In the second part of the day, adrenaline and cortisone levels drop, andmetabolism slows. If we binge on chips and chocolate bars in the afternoon or late at night, those calories stick.That's why dinner is best eaten light and early, from 5 to 7 p.m. Froy suggests limiting protein at dinner becauseit stimulates concentration and can interfere with sleeping. He also recommends skipping the fats but keepingthe carbs. About six hours after we consume carbohydrates, our body secretes the hormone leptin, whichsignals satiety to the brain. "It's good to have carbs during dinner," Froy notes, because they keep hunger atbay during the night. We tend not to think much of a little midnight snack, but for the human body even a smallcandy constitutes an Eating Event. "Multiple organs have to work together in a very precise manner to digest abite of cookie," Panda explains. Eating before bedtime doesn't bode well with the clockwork metabolism: Thestomach doesn't absorb nutrients efficiently when we sleep, leptin secretion is poor, and we feel hungry even ifwe have eaten enough. But more important, late-night snacks break our fast too soon. Our metabolic genesnever get to turn on to burn through the nourishment we have accumulated during the day. The 10- to 12-hourfasting window is important for healthy and robust metabolic function, and shrinking it can lead to such disordersas diabetes and obesity. It may sound counterintuitive, but if we supply our digestive conveyor with the rightfood at the right time while shutting it down at night, we can eliminate cravings, enjoy desserts, and feel fulldespite staying lean. Our calories will literally melt in our dreams. Sidebar To process what we take in, we haveto fast at night, which turns on genes that break down fat and cholesterol. Sidebar Mouse BiTes TWORESEARCHERS on opposite sides of the world conducted similar feeding experiments and came to similarconclusions. Oren Froy in Israel and Satchin Panda in California both found that mice that never fasted grewmore obese than mice having daily fasting periods- although both groups consumed the same amount ofcalories. The mice that alternated eating and fasting were not only leaner but healthier, even when fed fattyfood. They were even fitter than mice downing a low-fat diet. Panda put mice consuming a variety of diets into arotating drum and slowly increased the speed. "Usually mice eating high-fat food ad libitum are first to fall off.But the rodents whose high-fat regimen alternated with regular fasting periods held on the longest," saysPanda. "We tried the drum experiment many times and they were always the best athletes!"

_______________________________________________________________ Document 27 of 34

I Love Being a Guy Author: Kenrick, Douglas Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 46-48.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote BLOGGER SPOTLIGHT) The trade-offs of the Y chromosome. By Douglas Kenrick IT'SGREAT to be a guy. Right? We're all raised to act just like James Bond. You know, knock off the bad guys,jump in the Aston Martin, stay at the Ritz, and have beautiful women throw themselves into our arms. And thinkof the everyday benefits: shorter lines at the restroom, the ability to make scads more money, reaching thehighest shelf at the grocery store; no need to worry about those pesky double standards, or glass ceilings. Yet,as with anything in nature, there are the tradeoffs-and the Y chromosome comes with its definite costs. First, thebad news: 1 MEN HAVE AN IRRATIONALLY HIGH DESIRE FOR SEX Amongmen between the ages of 18 and25, SO percent think about sex at least once every five minutes, according to researchers Paul Cameron andHenry Biber. Even among men between 26 and 55, "only" 25 percent still couldn't go five minutes without sexpopping into their minds. In Alfred Kinsey's surveys, he found that men masturbated more frequently; only 5percent said they never masturbated. (Were they telling the truth?) And don't forget Russell Clark and ElaineHatfield's classic study in which college women used the pick-up line: "I've seen you around campus and findyou attractive. Would you like to go to bed with me?" Over 70 percent of the men were willing. 2 THISURGENCY OF DESIRE IS NOT RECIPROCATED Let's face it, the sexual partners most guys desire don't feelthe same way. Clark and Hatfield also had college men approach college women on campus using the samepick-up line. The guys were reasonably attractive- 50 percent ofthe women said yes if they were simply askedfor a date. But the number of women who said yes to the sexual offer was precisely zero. Terri Conley, oftheUniversity of Michigan, used statistical analysis to argue that if women were not afraid of men, if they found menattractive, and if they thought they'd have more fun in bed with a strange man, the sex difference wouldmagically go away. But real women find most men rather scary, unattractive, and not sexy. 3 MEN HAVEPOOR IMPULSE CONTROL Men are overwhelmingly represented in diagnoses for impulse control disorders-predilections that lead to alcohol and drug abuse, sexual misbehavior, violent outbursts, delinquency, andproblems holding down a job. Also, in almost all categories of criminal activity, men are the perpetrators.Prostitution is one ofthe few crimes for which women are more likely to be arrested; no doubt that's becausewomen won't pay for sex. 4 MEN MAKE MONEY AND THROW IT AWAY Men do earn higher incomes thanwomen, but it's not just because of discrimination and glass ceilings. Men are more willing to take stressful anddangerous jobs, work long hours, and ignore their friends and families. They're also more likely to steal, cheat,and engage in criminal activities for money (from drug dealers to Wall Street traders). In a study by Jill Sundie,now at the University of Texas at San Antonio, when subjects were asked to think of a person who likes to shop,they tended to think of a woman. But when they were asked to think of a person who spent money in aconspicuous way, they thought of a man. And when men are in mating mode and thinking about attractivewomen, they are especially eager to throw money around in a way that says "Look at me." 5 PEOPLE WANTTO HURT MEN I have less-than-fond memories ofthe black eyes and swollen lips I suffered at the hands ofbullies as a youth. The words "After school, Punk!" would inspire a nervous stomach all day. In almost anyurban emergency room, you will see a steady stream of young men with knife wounds. Crime statistics revealthat men are many times more likely to be murdered than women. Virgil Sheets and I conducted a survey ofcollege students that showed a surprising majority had considered committing a homicide. For both men andwomen, the intended victim was usually a man. 6 MEN GET LITTLE SOCIAL SUPPORT Men prefer women asfriends, perhaps because women are more likely to express social support and to talk about relationshipsinstead of baseball scores. But women don't reciprocate men's interest in a platonic friendship. Women prefer

other women as friends. So it can be lonely among the gangs of male hooligans looking to steal your baseballcards and then beat you up. 7 AND THEN MEN DIE (YOUNGER) Even if you make it through your extendedadolescence without dying in jail, killing yourself while showing off, or getting shot for flirting with another guy'sgirlfriend, you still die younger. Testosterone, that same beloved hormone that inspires irrational competition,foolhardy risk, and sexual obsession, also shortens your life. But then there's the good: 1 MEN REMAINRELATIVELY ATTRACTIVE IN LATER YEARS Although the typical 16-year-old male is not nearly as appealingto the opposite sex as is his nubile 16-year-old female counterpart, there is compensation when he is 60. DukeUniversity's Rich Keefe and I analyzed data and found that girls under 20 are more likely to marry than are boystheir age, but men over 50 are more likely to marry than older women are. Eugene Mathes, at Western Illinois,asked subjects of different ages to judge the attractiveness of males and females across age groups. Comparedwith younger women, older women were judged as less good looking by both men and women. Conversely,women did not judge older men to be less attractive than younger men. (Men do not go through menopauseand are still capable of fathering children in their 80s- if you can wake them up.) 2 MEN ARE LESS LIKELY TOBE DEPRESSED Researchers in the Netherlands found that twice as many Dutch women suffer from majordepression as Dutch men. These findings are typical. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, a health psychologist at Yalewho has studied this phenomenon over several years, has concluded that significantly more women than menare diagnosed with unipolar depression. She suggests several explanations: Women are more likely to bevictims of sexual assault, more likely to live in poverty, more likely to have irregular responses to stress, and aremore sensitive to other people's opinions. Nolen-Hoeksema also notes that women are more depressedbecause they ruminate, but let's not dwell on that. 3 MEN ARE LESS LIKELY TO SUFFER ANXIETY In areview of data on anxiety disorders, psychologist Isaac Marks reported that women made up 90 percent ofthose suffering animal phobias, 75 percent of agoraphobics, and about 60 percent of social phobia cases. Morerecently, a team in the Netherlands found women have more than twice the risk of having a diagnosable anxietydisorder. Nolen-Hoeksema reviewed the broader literature on this topic and concluded that women are moreprone to suffer from all of the anxiety disorders except obsessivecompulsive disorder. 4 MEN ARE BETTERABLE TO DEFEND THEMSELVES Although women's lower body strength is somewhat comparable to men's,men's upper body strength is, on average, substantially greater. In one study of muscular strength, researchersat McMaster University found that men's upper body muscles were twice as strong as women's. The differencewas linked to the nature of men and women's muscles, and their data suggest it is innate. Evolutionary theoristsbelieve this disparity in upper body strength is linked to a history of sexual selection, in which females chosemates who were physically dominant over other males. 5 MORE MEN WORK IN SCIENCE AND TECH I havetwo sons and one grandson, all obsessed with Legos, and every time I sit with them to play, I experience theirdelight myself. You may object that dolls are more fun, but these early play preferences may be related to thefact that men are more likely to move into the higher reaches of science and math. And recent research fromCreighton University even shows that boys do prefer these types of leisure activities. 6 MEN OCCUPY MOREHIGH PLACES As of publication, at least 20 of the 100 U.S. senators were women. Likewise, women hold 19percent of the seats in the House of Representatives. That ratio is up from a decade ago, when women held justunder 14 percent of the seats in Congress. Worldwide, this level is typical: Women hold the majority of seats inonly two countries out of 189. This difference is probably not because men are more adept; rather, men aremore likely to compete for dominance (remember that because females invest more in offspring, they are moreselective when choosing a mate, and pick one whose traits suggest superiority over competitors). 7 MEN EARNMORE Although this is becoming less true for young men today, over a lifespan, men still tend to earn moremoney than women. We are just beginningto understand what drives the trade-offs involved in being a man or awoman. But the differences are not something peculiar to modern societies. In fact, they are linked to sexdifferences found in other species. Among mammals, females generally pay a higher price for making a badmating choice, so they are choosier when picking sexual partners. As a consequence, males tend to be more

competitive (buttinghorns and the like). So the next time you think of James Bond, just remember, in exchangefor driving around Monte Carlo in the snazzy sports car, he also has to deal with Dr. No, not to mention thehealth costs of all that drinking, smoking, and casual sex. Sidebar Women hold only 19 percent of seatsinthetl.S. House of Representatives. AuthorAffiliation DOUGLAS T. KENRICK, Ph.D., the author of Sex, Murder,and the Meaning of Life, is a professor at Arizona State University.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 28 of 34 Divorce: Not an Option for Me Author: Aslanian, Sasha Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 50-51.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote (RANT) Having grown up as the child of divorce, raising my own kids feels like trying tobreak a curse. SASHA, why did your parents get divorced?" the carpool mom purred into the rearview mirror ofher station wagon one day. She was after dirt. "My mom's a Democrat, and my dad's a Republican," I replied.They did seem to argue politics a lot. My parents did not appear to have a bad marriage. My childhoodmemories are of cross-country car trips, jumping on beds with our beloved Norwegian elkhound, my littlebrother teaching me how to throw a football and ride a bike no-handed, and my parents- both teachers-encouraging me to be curious about everything. We were the kind of family nobody expected would divorce. Myparents' saga was riveting to everyone. I was 10. We sat in the living room, a kid on each parent's lap, as mymom told us they were separating. I froze. I watched my little brother's face crumple. We cried spectacularly.Couldn't we get them to change their minds? They grimly endured our agony, and Mom rented a duplex a fewblocks away. As divorces go, my parents handled it pretty well. They never said a mean word about each other.They were united at teacher conferences, sporting events, and proms. My brother and I loaded up laundrybaskets with clothes and shuttled back and forth, spending two weeks with Mom and two weeks with Dad.Meanwhile, I was determined to be The Divorced Kid Who Turned Out Fine. I'm a type-?, achieving firstborn.My brother just rode around the neighborhood on his dirt bike, unplugged from Mom and Dad. The problem withdivorce is kids want to be the center of the universe. When your parents divorce, their antics upstage you. And Iwas driven crazy by something I knew in my bones: They still loved each other. Years after their divorce, theydated each other again. And broke up again. Over and over. I think this gave me the idea that love never dies.It's just incredibly painful for the rest of your life. The dark little secret adult children of divorce carry is that we'redoomed to do the same thing. We're 50 percent more likely to end our own marriages than those whose parentsstay together. And we'll do anything to keep from breaking our own kids' hearts someday- including not gettingmarried and not having children. I should know. In my 20s, I was living with my boyfriend when I noticedsomething odd: All of our friends were getting married. "Why?" I asked my best friend when she called with herhappy news. I wasn't invited to be a bridesmaid in that wedding. I did eventually want to be a mother, so Icasually asked my mom what she would think if my boyfriend and I had a baby. I was 30 and needed to get theshow on the road. My mom's a groovy '60s chick- she even looks a little like Gloria Steinern- so I figured she'dbe cool with it. Wrong. I forgot the '60s chick was raised in the '50s. I booked the church. I cried geysers throughthe entire ceremony, and the minister had to keep smuggling me handkerchiefs. So much for my nonchalanceabout marriage. I was scared out of my mind, and overwhelmed by the enormity of it. Yet I was determined todo it differently. Where my parents would stay up all night playing gin rummy because the loser had to turn outthe light, I chose a marriage where we don't keep score. One time my dad asked me how often I let my husbandwin arguments. I told him, "About half the time." My dad was incredulous that his stubborn daughter would cede

that much ground. "But Dad," I said- feeling like the older person in this conversation- "sometimes he's actuallyright." In the cookie-cutter wedding that married off my mom at 19, equality wasn't expected, nor was she tohave a career. "Man is the head of the household," booms the minister on the reelto-reel tape recording of theceremony she still keeps. "I didn't know how to renegotiate the contract," she admitted to me recently. All shecould do was void it and face life on her own. I was at her duplex when my reserved Norwegian mother got thecall offering her a teaching job. She hung up the phone and did a pirouette through the living room. I will neverbe that desperate for a job in my life, I thought. I'm so much more forgiving of them now that I'm a parent myself.How hard it must have been to hide a broken heart and rally to the challenges of solo parenting. How they musthave had to bite their tongue when we wanted to pin blame. And to the poor souls who tried to date my singleparents: I'm sorry I was suchajerktoyou. Now when I find out friends are divorcing, I'm quick on the scene withdamage control for their kids. Keep them at the center. Tell them you love them until it embarrasses them tohear it. Support their relationships with your ex and any stepparents that enter the scene. Remember, this is theonly childhood they get. I longed to be a parent because I saw it as a chance to relive the playful exhilaration ofyouth but rewrite the ending my way. "Who's having a happy childhood?" I like to ask my kids. They know thedrill. They shoot their little bean sprout arms up in the air and yell, "Me!" I haven't messed this up yet. As adivorced kid, I worried my marriage would detonate from a fuse I couldn't control. Now I see marriage as themillions of tiny matchsticks we safely blow out: Do I snap when my husband asks me to hand him something, ordo I catch his eye and smile? Marriage isn't the big "I do" moment of takeoff. It's how you handle all themundane hours of tinkering with the controls, inventing flight plans. I want my children to trust the grown-ups tofly this plane. My kids are still trying to figure out my parents' arrangement. My folks live six blocks apart butfunction as Mor Mor and Happy, the grandparent team. Once, after a sleepover at my mom's house, myyounger daughter noted on the drive home, "Happy had a sleepover, too." I burst out laughing. I don't thinkdivorce makes any sense to my kids. I hope it never will. Sidebar The dark little secret adult children of divorcecarry is that we're doomed to do the same thing. AuthorAffiliation SASHA ASLANlAN is the producer ofDivorced Kid, a radio documentary from American Public Media.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 29 of 34 12 RUDE REVELATIONS ABOUT SEX Author: de Botton, Alain Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 53-61,4.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote In order to transcend the discomfort that sex typically stirs, you may need to radicallyrethink desire, marriage, fidelity, and much more. Sex, WE HAVE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE, is as natural asbreathing. But in fact, contends British philosopher Alain de Botton, it is "close to rocket science in complexity."It's not only a powerful force, it's often contrary to many other things we care about. Sex inherently sets upconflicts within us. We crave sex with people we don't know or love. It makes us want to do things that seemimmoral or degrading, like slapping someone or being tied up. We feel awkward asking the people we love forthe sex acts we really want. There's no denying that sex has its sweaty charms, and in its most exquisitemoments dissolves the isolation that embodied life imposes on us. But those moments are rare, the exceptionrather than the rule, says de Botton, founder of London's School of Life. "Sex is always going to cause usheadaches; it's not something we can miraculously grow relaxed about." We suffer privately, feeling "painfullystrange about the sex we are either longing to have or struggling to avoid." If we turn to sex books to help uswork out this central experience of our lives, we are typically assured that most problems are mechanical, a

matter of method. In his own new book, How to Think More About Sex, de Botton makes the case that ourdifficulties stem more from the multiplicity of things we want out of life, or the accrual of everyday resentments,or the weirdness of the sex drive itself. Here are some of the most basic questions it answers. -The EditorsWhy do most people lie about their true desires? IT IS RARE TO go through life without feeling that we aresomehow a bit odd about sex. It is an area in which most of us have a painful impression, in our heart of hearts,that we are quite unusual. Despite being one of the most private activities, sex is nevertheless surrounded by arange of powerfully socially sanctioned ideas that codify how normal people are meant to feel about and dealwith the matter. In truth, however, few of us are remotely normal sexually. We are almost all haunted by guiltand neuroses, by phobias and disruptive desires, by indifference and disgust. We are universally deviant- butonly in relation to some highly distorted ideals of normality. Most of what we are sexually remains sible tocommunicate with anyone whom we would want to think well of us. Men and in love instinctively hold back fromsharing more than a fraction of their desires out of a fear, usually accurate, of generating disgust in theirpartners. Nothing is erotic that isn't also, with the wrong person, revolting, which is precisely what makes eroticmoments so intense: At the precise juncture where disgust could be at its height, we find only welcome andpermission, Think of two tongues exploring the deeply private realm of the mouth- that dark, moist cavity that noone but our dentist usually enters, The privileged nature of the union between two people is sealed by an actthat, with someone else, would horrify them both. What unfolds between a couple in the bedroom is an act ofmutual reconciliation between two secret sexual selves emerging at last from sinful solitude. Their behavior isstarkly at odds with the behavior expected of them by the civilized world. At last, in the semi-darkness a couplecan confess to the many wondrous and demented things that having a body drives them to want. Why is sexmore difficult to talk about in this era, not less? WHATEVER DISCOMFORT we feel around sex is commonlyaggravated by the idea thatwe belong to aliberated age- and ought by now to be finding sex a straightforwardand untroubling matter, a little like tennis, something that everyone should have as often as possible to relievethe stresses of modern life. The narrative of enlightenment and progress skirts anunbudgingfacfcSexisnotsomething we can ever expect to feel easily liberated from. It is a fundamentally disruptive and overwhelmingforce, at odds with the majority of our ambitions and all but incapable ofbeing discreetly integrated withincivilized society. Sex is not fundamentally democratic or kind. It refuses to sit neatly on top of love. Tame itthough we might try, it tends to wreak havoc across our lives; it leads us to destroy our relationships, threatensour productivity, and compels us to stay up too late in nightclubs talkingto people whom we don't like but whoseexposed midriffs we wish to touch. Our best hope should be for a respectful accommodation with an anarchicand reckless power. How is sex a great lie detector? INVOLUNTARY physiological reactions such as thewetness of a vagina and the stiffness of a penis are emotionally so satisfying (which means, simultaneously, soerotic) because they signal a kind of approval that lies utterly beyond rational manipulation. Erections andlubrication simply cannot be effected by willpower and are therefore particularly true and honest indices ofinterest. In a world in which fake enthusiasms are rife, in which it is often hard to tell whether people really likeus or whether they are being kind to us merely out of a sense of duty, the wet vagina and the stiff penis functionas unambiguous agents of sincerity. A kiss is pleasurable because of the sensory receptivity of our lips, but agood deal of our excitement has nothing to do with the physical dimension of the act: It stems from the simplerealization that someone else likes us quite a lot. What is the lure of sex in the back of an airplane? MOST OFTHE people we come in contact with in daily life hardly notice us. Their businesslike indifference can be painfuland humiliating for us- hence, the peculiar power of the fantasy that life could be turned upside down and thenormal priorities reversed. The eroticism of nurses' uniforms, for example, stems from the gap between therational control they symbolize and the unbridled sexual passion that can for a while, if only in fantasy, gain theupper hand over it. Just as uniforms can inspire lust by their evocation of rulebreaking, so can it be exciting toimagine sex in an unobserved corner of the university library, in a restaurant's cloakroom, or in a train car. Ourdefiant transgression can give us a feeling of Eower that goes beyond the merely sexual. To have sex in the ack

of an airplane full of business travelers is to have a go at upending the usual hierarchy of things, introducingdesire into an atmosphere in which cola-hearted discipline generally dominates over personal wishes. At 35,000feet up, just as in an office cubicle, the victory of intimacy seems sweeter and our pleasure increasesaccordingly. Eroticism is most clearly manifest at the intersection between the formal and the intimate. Ispornography a betrayal of Humanity? PORNOGRAPHY IS OFTEN accused ofbeing comfortingly "fake" andtherefore unthreateningto the conduct of any sensible existence. But it is deeply contrary to the rest of our plansand inclinations, rerouting rational priorities. Most pornography is humiliating and vulgar. Nobility has surelybeen left far behind when an anonymous woman is forced onto a bed, three penises are roughly inserted intoher orifices, and the ensuing scene is recorded. Yet this poison is not easy to resist Thousands of contentproviders have exploited a design flaw of the male- a mind designed to cope with little more temptingthan theoccasional sight of a tribeswoman across the savannah. There is nothing robust enough in our psyche tocompensate for developments in technology. Pornography, like alcohol and drugs, reduces our capacity totolerate ambiguous moods of free-floating worry and boredom. Internet pornography assists our escape fromourselves, helping us to destroy our present and our future with depressingease. Yet it's possible to conceive ofa pornography in which sexual desire would be invited to support, rather than undermine, our higher values. Itcould be touching and playful. It could show people having sex who like one another, or people like those weknow from the rest of life rather than aberrations. No longer would we have to choose between being humanand being sexual. Why is "Not tonight, Dear' so destructive? LOGIC MIGHT suggest that being married or in alongterm relationship must guarantee an end to the anxiety that otherwise dogs attempts by one person toinduce another to have sex. But while either kind of union may make sex a constant theoretical option, it willneither legitimate the act nor ease the path toward it Moreover, against abackground of permanent possibility,an unwillingness to have sex may be seen as a far graver violation of the ground rules than a similar impasse inother contexts. Being turned down by someone we have just met in a bar is not so surprising or wounding.Suffering sexual rejection by the person with whom we have pledged to share our life is much odder and morehumiliating. AT 35,000 FEET, AS IN THE OFFICE CUBICLE, THE VICTORY OF INTIMACY SEEMSSWEETER, AND OUR PLEASURE INCREASES ACCORDINGLY. Why is impotence an achievement? thereAKE few greater sources of shame for a man, or feelings of rejection for his partner. The real problem withimpotence is the blow to the self-esteem ofboth parties. We are grievously mistaken in our interpretation.Impotence is the strangely troublesome fruit of reason and kindness intruding on the free flow of animalimpulses, of our new inclination to wonder what another might be feeling and then to identify with his or herpotential objections to our invasive or unsatisfactory demands. All but the least self-aware among us willsometimes be struck by how distasteful our desire for sex can seem to someone else, how peculiar andphysically off-putting our flesh may be, and how unwanted our caresses. An advanced capacity for love andtenderness can ironically render us too sensitive to try to pester anyone else into having sex with us, althoughnow and then we may cross paths with individuals who are not appalled by our longingfor urgent and forcefulsexual congress, and who see nothing disgusting in even the farthest erotic extremes. Impotence is at base,then, a symptom of respect, a fear of causing displeasure through the imposition of our own desires or theinability to satisfy our partner's needs- a civilized worry that we will disappoint orupset others. It is an asset thatshould be valued as evidence of an achievement of the ethical imagination. SEX IS NOT FUNDAMENTALLYDEMOCRATIC ORKIND. IT REFUSES TO SIT NEATLY ON TOP OF LOVE. What do religions knowabout sexthat we don't? ONLY RELIGIONS still take sex seriously, in the sense of properly respecting its power to turn usaway from our priorities. Only religions see it as something potentially dangerous and needing to be guardedagainst. Perhaps only after killing many hours online at youporn.com can we appreciate that on this one pointreligions have got it right: Sex and sexual images can overwhelm our higher rational faculties with depressingease. Religions are often mocked for being prudish, but they wouldn't judge sex to be quite so bad if they didn'talso understand that it could be rather wonderful. Dotes marriage ruin spy? A GRADUAL DECLINE in the

intensity and frequency of sex between a married couple is an inevitable fact of biological life, and as such,evidence of deep normality- although the sex-therapy industry has focused most of its efforts on assuring usthat marriage should be enlivened by constant desire. Most innocently, the paucity of sex within establishedrelationships has to do with the difficulty of shifting registers between the everyday and the erotic. The qualitiesdemanded of us when we have sex stand in sharp opposition to those we employ in conducting the majority ofour other, daily activities. Marriage tends to involve- if not immediately, then within a few years- the running of ahousehold and the raising of children, tasks that often feel akin to the administration of a small business and callon many of the same skills. Sex, with its contrary emphases on expansiveness, imagination, playfulness, and aloss of control, must by its very nature interrupt this routine of regulation and self-restraint. We avoid sex notbecause it isn't fun but because its pleasures erode our subsequent capacity to endure the strenuous demandsthat our domestic arrangements place on us. Sex also has a way of altering and unbalancing our relationshipwith our household co-manager. Its initiation requires one partner or the other to become vulnerable byrevealing what may feel like humiliating sexual needs. We must shift from debating what sort of householdappliance to acquire to making the more challenging request, for example, that our spouse should turn over andtake on the attitude of a submissive nurse or put on a pair of boots and start calling us names. The satisfactionof our needs may force us to ask for things that are, from a distance, open to being judged both ridiculous andcontemptible so that we may prefer, in the end, not to entrust them to someone on whom we must rely for somuch else in the course of our ordinary upstanding life. We may in fact find it easier to put on a rubber mask orpretend to be a predatory, incestuous relative with someone we're not also going to have to eat breakfast withfor the next three decades. Why are bread crumbs in the kitchen bad for sex? THE COMMON CONCEPTION ofanger posits red faces, raised voices, and slammed doors, but only too often it just curdles into numbness. Wetend to forget we are angry with our partner, and hence become anaesthetized, melancholic, and unable tohave sex with him or her because the specific incidents that anger us happen so quickly and so invisibly, insuch chaotic settings (at the breakfast table, before the school run) that we can't recognize the offense wellenough to mount a coherent protest against it. And we frequently don't articulate our anger, even when we dounderstand it, because the things that offend us can seem so trivial or odd that they would sound ridiculous ifspoken aloud: "I am angry with you because you cut the bread in the wrong way." But once we are involved in arelationship, there is no longer any such thing as a minor detail. In an average week, each partner may be hitby, and in turn fire, dozens of tiny arrows without even realizing it, with the only surface legacies of thesewounds being a near imperceptible cooling between the pair and, crucially, the disinclination of one or both tohave sex with the other. Sex is a gift that is not easy to hand over once we are annoyed. We are unable to riseabove the fray and shift the focus from recrimination towards identification of the true sources of hurt and fear.Couples need to appreciate thattheir hostilities were shaped by the flow of their individual personalities throughthe distorting emotional canyons of their particular childhoods. We think we already know everything necessaryabout how to be with another person, without having bothered to learn anything at all. We are unprepared forthe effort we must legitimately expend to make even a very decent adult relationship successful. Why are hotelsmetaphysically important? THE WALLS, BEDS, comfortably upholstered chairs, room service menus,televisions, and tightly wrapped soaps can do more than answer a taste for luxury. Checking into a hotel roomfor a night is a solution to long-term sexual stagnation: We can see the erotic side of our partner, which is oftenclosely related to the unchanging environment in which we lead our daily lives. We can blame the stablepresence of the carpet and the living room chairs at home for our failure to have more sex: The physicalbackdrop prevents us from evolving. The furniture insists that we can't changebecause it never does. In a hotelroom, we may make love joyfully again because we have rediscovered, behind the roles we are forced to playby our domestic circumstances, the sexual identities that first drew us togetheran act of aesthetic perceptionthat will nave been critically assisted by a pair of terry cloth bathrobes, a complimentary fruit basket, and a viewonto an unfamiliar harbor. We can see our lover as if we had never laid eyes on him before. Why is adultery

overrated? contrary t? all public verdicts on adultery, the lack of any wish whatsoever to stray is irrational andagainst nature, a heedless disregard for the fleshly reality of our bodies, a denial of the power wielded over ourmore rational selves by such erotic triggers as high-heeled shoes and crisp shirts, by smooth thighs andmuscular calves. But a spouse who gets angry at having been betrayed is evading a basic, tragic truth: No onecan be everything to another person. The real fault lies in the ethos of modern marriage, with its insaneambitions and its insistence that our most pressing needs might be solved with the help of only one otherperson If seeing marriage as the perfect answer to all our hopes for love, sex, and family is naive andmisguided, so too is believing that adultery can be an effective antidote to the disappointments of marriage. It isimpossible to sleep with someone outside of marriage and not spoil the things we care about inside it. There isno answer to the tensions of marriage. When a person with whom we have been having an erotic exchange inan Internet chat room suggests a meeting at an airport hotel, we may be tempted to blow up our life for a fewhours' pleasure. The defenders of feeling-based marriage venerate emotions for their authenticity only becausethey avoid looking closely at what actually floats through most people's emotional kaleidoscopes, all thecontradictory, sentimental, and hormonal forces that pull us in a hundred often crazed and inconclusivedirections. We could not be fulfilled if we weren't inauthentic some of the time- inauthentic, that is, in relation tosuch things as our passing desires to throttle our children, poison our spouse, or end our marriage over adispute about changing a lightbulb. A degree of repression is necessary for both the mental health of ourspecies and the adequate functioning of a decently ordered society. We are chaotic chemical propositions. Weshould feel grateful for, and protected by, the knowledge that our external circumstances are often out of linewith what we feel; it is a sign that we are probably on the right course. SEX ISAN ESSENTIALLY DISRUPTIVEFORCE, STRONGLY AT ODDS WITH THE MAJORITY OFOUR AMBITIONS. "I wanted to do away with thefeeling that sex belonged in some dark recess of human life," says Alain DE BOTTON, author of the coverstory, "12 Rude Revelations About Sex," which was inspired by his latest book, Wow to Think More About Sex.He seeks to open up and elevate the conversation. "People don't talk very much about what goes wrong in theirsex lives," says de Botton, the author of more than a dozen books on topics from airport ennui to status anxietyto happiness. "Sex remains a subject of immense shame." AuthorAffiliation ALAIN DE BOTTON is founder ofThe School of Life, based in London.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 30 of 34 THE MIXED-BAG BUDDY Author: Flora, Carlin Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 63-69,4.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote [AND OTHER FRIENDSHIP CONUNDRUMS] ANY RELATIONSHIP THAT HOLDS THEPOWER TO BUOY US CAN ALSO SINK US, OR SET US ADRIFT. FROM THE AMBIGUOUS TO THE TRULYBAD, FRIENDS COME IN MANY SHADES. SHANE SHAPS remembers the day her friend Claudia* pushed herto climb the monkey bars when they were little girls in Louisville, Kentucky.Terrifiedofheights,Shanefellandbroke her wrist. That type of pressure from Claudia was typical. But they hadbeen companions since they were infants, and Claudia continued to be an important- yet on balance negative-figure in Shane's life. "Our parents were close friends," says Shane, now 40 and a social-media consultant andmother of two."Itwasacodependentrelationship:Shebossedmearound, and I lether do it." During college, the twolived together for a few summers, and they moved into the same building after graduation. But the push-pulldynamic continued, with Shane intermittently receiving support from her more confident friend. During one low

point, Claudia never received an anniversary card Shane had sent her. Furious, Claudia called Shane tocomplain that her friend had forgotten her wedding anniversary. When Claudia later hosted a bridal shower forShane, their relationship had become so awkward that Shane tried to demote her from bridesmaid to guestClaudia responded by writingher: "I'll be there and I'll be in the pictures. You can look at me for alloftime."Claudia'sparentshostedadinnerpartyforthebridethe night before the wedding, but once Claudia's fatherlearned of theunderlyingdrama,he refused to speak to Shane. The familial meshing had frayed, and soon Shanehad the courage to end it. "Our friendship never grew up," she says. "We could not get past the fifth grade."Since "friendfluence" is so powerful, our pals can just as easily have negative effects as positive ones. Evencaring, compatible friends can vex or hurt us. And the fluid nature of friendship sometimes makes its darkerwaters harder to navigate than conflicts in romantic or family relationships. The Problem of Drift YOURFRIENDS may be perfectly considerate companions, but they can still have a subtly negative influence on you.These are friends whose goals, values, or habits are misaligned with your ideals- often in subtle ways- causingyou to drift away from your core self and, consequently, from the aspirations most suited to you. GretchenRubin, author of The Happiness Project, defines the concept of "drift" as "the decision you make by notdeciding." If you're drifting, you might feel that you are livingsomeone else's life, and you might daydream aboutescaping your circumstances. Drift often comes about when you do things because the people around you aredoing them. "Your sense ofwhatis right foryou becomes clouded by what other people think is tight,~' Rubinnotes. For example, you drift into marriage because all your friends are gettingmarried. Drift in friendships canalso happen whenyou grow and change while your friends do not, or when you haven't quite figured out yourown talents andbeliefs and are susceptible to conformingto the values of those around you. One friend of minewonders: Would I have been more thoughtful as a young man if I'd had more conscientious and studiousbuddies back in college, instead of a group of hedonistic frat guys? The right group-one that validates who youare and also projects an ideal version of yourself-can lift you up almost effortlesslyovertime.Incontrast,stayingwiththewrongcrowd will leave you walking against the wind, having to exert more and moreeffort just to move forward. Avoiding drift shouldn'tbe confused with ladder climbing, or using people to getahead. Blunt networkingis anathema to making friends.Yet forging sincere friendships with people who bring outyour potential will likely help you get ahead and bring you more contentment than could any amount of cardswapping. The Mixed-Bag Buddy THE LATE RAY PAHL, a British sociologist, conducted a poll of about athousand people and discovered that almost two-thirds identified friends as one of the biggest sources of stressin their lives. Whether it's the friend who criticizes your fiancé or the one who clings to you with a needy grip,friendship is not as rosy as it's sometimes portrayed. Journalist and philosopher Mark Vernon, who hasexamined Pahl's research, notes: "Friends are the main cause of arguments with partners and families." Andmany people admit to wanting to lose at least five "flabby" friends- those akin to the extra pounds that a regularworkout would shed. Think of the flabby as those who don't necessarily incite strong emotions, negative orpositive. Maybe you feel a vague obligation to keep up with them, but you don't feel nourished by theircompany. Friends who stir up both affection and annoyance, however, are much harder to manage or shed.Julianne Holt-Lunstad, of Brigham YoungUniversity, has studied ambivalent friendshipsthose that are bothagreeable and disagreeable. Subjects in one of her studies wore a blood-pressure monitor that recorded everyinteraction they had. Unsurprisingly, encounters with people the subjects felt primarily positive toward wereassociated with their lowest blood-pressure rates. Intriguingly, blood pressure is higher when we're in thecompany of "ambivalent" friends than when we're amongpeople we describe as "negative" forces in our lives."Because ambivalent friends are unpredictable, the subjects probably had a heightened level of vigilance whilewith them, which could explain the blood-pressure spike," Holt-Lunstad says. True "frenemies" may be lesstaxing than those sometimes great, sometimes not so much pals. Why do we keep these ambivalentcompanions? Are they part of a dense network we can't escape? That was the case with some of the subjectsin Holt-Lunstad's follow-up study, but the top reason for maintaining these relationships was not external but

internal pressure. "Subjects wanted to see themselves as the type of person who can keep friends," she says.Teasingbanter with pals is an entertainingrelease for many, yet outright negative and competitive encounterswith friends might wreak havoc on your health by unleashing inflammation in the body. Jessica Chiang, agraduate student at UCLA, and colleagues had volunteers keep diaries documenting all of their good, bad, andcompetitive interactions (from games and sports to work or academic rivalry to interpersonal competition-say,vying for attention at a party). She then measured subjects' levels of pro-inflammatory cytokines. Higher levelsof these cytokines were found in those who had told more negative and competitive tales in their journals."Inflammation is ahealthy response," Chiangsays. "We need it to heal wounds, for example. But activating thatsystem when you don't have to, in the absence of physical injury, is dangerous over time. Those who sufferfrom chronic inflammation can develop cardiovascular problems, arthritis, and depression." Chiang notes thatleisurely competition, such as playing games or sports, did not increase inflammation, while the other forms ofcompetition did. "The media coverage of 'toxic friends' might be an exaggeration," she says, "but over years, anaccumulation of social stressors really could cause physical damage." The Mirror-Image Trap "A TRUE FRIENDstabs you in the front," Oscar Wilde said. True friends by this definition may be rare indeed: Our close buddies,in fact, avoid extreme honesty when it might hurt us. They may even misperceive reality because they are soinvested in the relationship- they need to discount truths that could rock its foundation. That's the conclusionthat Weylin Sternglanz and Bella DePaulo came to after they found that while friends are better than strangersat using nonverbal cues to identify emotions, less close friends are better than closer ones at sniffing out hiddennegative emotions. The idea that good friends are motivated to maintain a certain image of one another echoesadvice some psychologists dole out to couples: Having positive illusions about your beloved can hold the two ofyou together longer than a cold, clear view will. One honesty killer is the need to believe a friend is exactly likeyou. Friendship researcher Jan Yager discusses the "mirror-image trap" in her book When Friendship Hurts."Does your friend fall into the trap of assuming everyone should approach life the same way that she does?Instead of respecting your differences, does she try to change you or tell you that you are wrong?"Dissectingthe latest political scandal with buddies can set off personal conflicts. It's easy to feel so passionatelyabout an issue that you assume all good and rational human beings- including your friends, naturally- will takeyour side. Some can relish a rousing debate and appreciate friendly sparring. But for those who themselves fallinto the mirror-image trap, disagreement on a social issue can feel like a personal affront, one with a scaryunderlyingmessage: "We're not as close and mutually admiring as we thought." If you're on the other end of adebate with a friend who insists the two of you remain "twinsies," Yager suggests that you might keep youropinions to yourself, or even lie. You'll just have to bite your tongue on charter schools or the death penalty;otherwise you risk having a distinctly unproductive conversation that leaves you less enlightened about theissue at hand and more frustrated with your friendship. Brutal Betrayal and Natural Demise A PAL WHObroadcasts our most sensitive secrets is going beyond the normal human instinct to gossip. Certainly, friendshave the power to hurt us profoundly. When people pull away or use their knowledge about us to createemotional weapons, their behavior can be scarring. Sixty-eight percent of those Jan Yager surveyed for herbook had been betrayed by a friend. In addition to repeatingconfidences, common betrayals include spreadinglies or rumors, stealing a lover, and not paying back financial loans. Betrayals are more common among friendswho have grown apart. For that reason, Yager recommends lettingthose friendships wither rather than endingthem outright, which could spark a desire for revenge. Shedding friends naturally is quite common. PsychologistLaura Carstensen mapped friend quantity over time and found that the number of people we hangout withdwindles after age 17, increases in our 30s and declines again from age 40 to 50. Losing friends is inevitable-some sort of pruning as we travel through different life stages only makes sense. Keeping up with all the friendswe've ever had would be very taxing and would surely cancel out the good influence of friends who can bestsupport us through each era. Still, when two friends are not on the same timetable or of the same opinion abouthow close they should be, egos get bruised. Also, changes in marital status often dismantle friendships. When a

spouse dies, friends may not feel comfortable with the newly single, and they may end up choosing sides whena couple divorces. Indeed, parting ways with a buddy can be more difficult and complicated than breaking upwith a boyfriend, says Susan Shapiro Barash, author of Toxic Friends. Though it might be naïve, we have abelief that friendships are forever, whereas most dating relationships are expected to end. Friend breakups, sheadds, can challenge our sense of self, especially if we've been invested in and intertwined with a friend for manyyears. Such breakups are especially difficult for women. Clinical psychologist Terri Apter has studied friendshipin women and girls, noting that women have higher expectations for friendships than do men. Some think thatfor a friendship to be viable it has to be pretty perfect: When there are differences or a change in the emotionalweather, they may feel it's all coming apart. If something is a little bit bad, they want to make it all bad. But ascomplex as friendships can be, a life without them is likely more devastating. Social neuroscientist JohnCacioppo describes loneliness as the fallout from not fulfilling a biological need for social contact, one almost asstrong as thirst or hunger. Thanks to his work, we know that loneliness is associated with the progression ofAlzheimer's disease, obesity, diminished immunity, alcoholism, and suicidal thoughts. Exposing yourself to thevulnerabilities that come with intimacy, withstanding the discomfort of connecting to people who are differentfrom you, and striving to assert your authentic self among pals eager to sway you in other directions are mostcertainly worthwhile struggles compared with the bleak alternative of friendlessness. "Many people could benefitfrom learning how to make and keep good friends who are positive influences." CARLlN FLORA notes that eventhe socially anxious can learn to connect authentically to others, and the conflictaverse can learn to fight fair andgrow even closer to the friends they have. "We think friendships should just happen, but developing andmaintaining them requires skill and care." A former PT editor, Flora explores the darker strains of friendship in"The Mixed-Bag Buddy" as well as in her new book, Friendfluence. Sidebar Blood pressure is higher whenwe're in the company of "ambivalent" friends than it is when we're among people we describe as "negative"forces in our lives. Sidebar Sometimes it's better to let bad friendships wither rather than to end them outright,which could spark a desire for revenge. Passion and Pathos: Three Twisted Pairings FROM PARTNERSWAPPING TO JEALOUSY AND VIOLENCE, ?-LISTERS ARE HARDLY IMMUNE TO COMPLICATEDCONNECTIONS. PAUL GAUGUIN (left) and VINCENT VAN GOGH (pictured in the film Lust for Life) shared anartistic vision distinct from that of the Impressionists and encouraged each other in their outsider views. Bothproduced masterpieces during the height of their friendship in the late 1880s, even working together in a studioin the south of France. When Gauguin announced he was returning to Paris, the mutual devotion turneddangerous, as van Gogh felt betrayed. Some historians claim van Gogh stalked Gauguin with a razor and in a fitsliced off his own ear. Another recent account speculates that the injury might have been at the hands ofGauguin, during a sword fight. There's evidence that the two made a pact to keep the matter a secret. VanGogh moved to a mental hospital and the two stayed in touch until van Gogh committed suicide in 1890. Sincethe 1970s, the Cuban dictator FIDEL CASTRO (right) has been close friends with the Nobel Prize-winningnovelist GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ, who claimed once that "Fidel is the sweetest man I know." He showsCastro all of his manuscripts before he sends them to his publisher. Fidel was happy to have the support of arevered intellectual such as Marquez, who had a sort of obsession with power. At some point, it became a realfriendship. The costs of this relationship to Marquez, however, include a falling-out with another good friend, thenovelist Mario Vargas Llosa, as well as bias in Marquez's generally objective journalism: He reported the ElianGonzález affair in an unnuanced, pro-Cuban manner, for instance. Although privately Marquez is said to takeCastro to task on certain policies, he never speaks against him publicly. Grammy-winning singer SHANIATWAIN (left) lived a tale fit for a country song with her close friend MARIE-ANNE THIÉBAUD. In 2008, Twaindiscovered that Thiébaud was having an affair with her husband of 14 years, Robert Lange, which led to adivorce. (Lange and Thiébaud have denied getting together before the breakup.) Twain was so devastated bythe affair that she made a deal with Lange: Marie-Anne would never come in contact with their son, Eja. Theplot thickened when Shania fell for Thiébaud's similarly betrayed mate. In what ultimately resulted in a husband

swap, Twain and Frédéric Thiébaud were married in 2011. Twain gushed in a statement to her fans: "FrédéricNicolas Thiébaud has been a true gift to me as a compassionate, understanding friend, and over time, anamazing love has blossomed from this precious friendship." Sidebar Though it might be naïve, we have a beliefthat friendships are forever, whereas most dating relationships are expected to end. Sidebar Some people thinkthat friendship has to be perfect. If something is a little bit bad, then they want to make it all bad. Sidebar Making and Keeping the Good Friends New friends can better reflect your current circumstances and provideyou with emotional and practical support, while old palsthose repositories of shared memories- can connectyour present life with your past. MAKING 'EM The Loneliness Paradox: If you've been suffering from a lack offriends for a while, there's a chance your social meter is distorted- making you more cynical and less receptiveto goodnatured overtures from others. Start expecting better from them, and they will deliver. Friend-Date:Don't be afraid to ask an interesting acquaintance out for coffee. He or she will probably be flattered. You'd putyourself on the line for love; why not do so for friendship? Fight the Similarity Drive: We're drawn to people likeus, but research has found that friendships with those who don't precisely fit our profile can be even moresatisfying than perfect matches. KEEPING 'EM Request and Grant Favors: If a friend asks for a reasonablefavor, do it immediately. Ask for a hand, too, and you'll give your friends the chance to feel important andvirtuous. Give and Receive Feedback: Offer gentle yet honest critiques when a friend asks, and accept herperspective on you and your behavior without defensiveness. Embrace Conflict: Accept that occasional tiffs arepart of friendship. If you're in it for the long haul, the two of you will have to learn to communicatemisunderstandings. Don't let a friendship fade just because you'd rather avoid bringing up a grievance.Celebrate! You know you're supposed to be there when a friend needs a shoulder to cry on, but studies showthat the ability to share in a friend's joys is even more important. AuthorAffiliation CARLIN FLORA is a formerfeatures editor of PT and the author of Friendfluence.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 31 of 34 DANGEROUS DREAMERS Author: Randall, David K Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 70-77,4.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote Can sleep disorders explain brutal murder or unexpected suicide? As the sun set in theWelsh village of Aberporth in July 2008, 59-year-old Brian Thomas sat with his wife, Christine, in a motor homeoverlooking the sea. The pair had been married almost 40 years and now spent their retirement watching rugbytogether and travelingthe countryside. After dinner, the couple went to bed, only to be awoken around 11:30 byrowdy teenage boys nearby. Unable to return to sleep, they drove to another site and bedded back down. Thenthe night took a deadly turn. Brian woke to find himself with his hands around Christine's neck as she layunresponsive. In a panic, he called 999, the Welsh equivalent of 911. "I think I've killed my wife," he told theoperator. "Oh, my God. I thought someone had broken in. I was fighting with those boys, but it was Christine. Imust have been dreaming. What have I done?" In his sleep, Brian had strangled his wife to death. Sixteenmonths later, he appeared in court to face charges of murder. The question before the jury was stark in itssimplicity: Was the death of Christine Thomas the fault of her husband or a tragic accident over which he hadno control? For most, a bad night's sleep leads to little more than bleary eyes the next day. But for those whosuffer from parasomnias, a group of sleep disorders that includes sleepwalking and nightterrors, abad night canquickly become a catastrophe. While asleep, these people have been known to dive into nightstands, drive, ormake phone calls- with no recollection of their actions come morning. In extreme cases, they can pose a lethal

threat to themselves or others, according to Mark Mahowald, director of the Minnesota Regional Sleep DisorderCenter and a neurologist at the University of Minnesota. He has studied cases in which people ran into trafficwhile asleep or woke up and realized that they had their wives trapped in a headlock. Those with parasomniassometimes resort to tying themselves to their bed at night out of fear they'll accidentally kill themselves orsomeone else. Comedian Mike Birbiglia jumped out of a window while asleep, seriously injuring himself. He hassince described zipping himself into a sleeping bag each night so that he can't harm himself again. The accidentwas the basis of his recent hit indie film, Sleepwalk With Me. Sleepwalking and other parasomnias werelongthought to be signs of an unresolved emotional conflict. Freud theorized that sleepwalking represented anattempt to fulfill an unconscious desire. Thanks in part to advancements in technology that allow researchers tobetter plot the workings of the brain, these conditions are now viewed as the result of a flaw in the sleep cycle, awrong-footed step in the choreography of the brain's functions that allows a person to be unaware of what thebody is doing. Yet while the science is sound, its application is notoriously difficult in the world beyond the lab.As more defendants claim they were asleep at the time they committed a violent act, prosecutors, judges, andmedical experts are left grappling with the possibility that there are more shades of consciousness andculpability than previously thought possible. THERE ARE FEW reliable statistics detailing how often sleep leadsto violence, though researchers know that parasomnias are relatively common. Normally, the brain shiftsbetween two distinct states during sleep: REM and non-REM. The latter makes up the majority of sleep timeand can range from sleep that is so light that a person might not recognize he has fallen asleep to such a deepslumber that he becomes confused and irritated when aroused. REM sleep, meanwhile, consists of periodswhen the brain is as active as it is during consciousness and when most, if not all, dreams occur. During thisstage, blood pressure rises, breathing becomes sporadic, and the brain effectively paralyzes the body so that aperson doesn't act out a dream's storyline. The brain switches between non-REM and REM stages about sixtimes during a normal eight-hour sleep period, yet the transitions aren't always smooth. In cases of parasomnia,there can be an overlap between the two mental states. When someone is sleepwalking, the parts of the brainthat control movement and spatial awareness are active, while the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible forreason and judgment, and the midtemporal cortex, which helps us recognize faces, are inactive. As a result, asleepwalker can have her eyes open and react to her surroundings, yet have no conscious thought. A 2009study in Sleep illustrated the mechanics behind sleepwalking: There is an increase in blood flow to the posteriorcingulate cortex (a hub at the base of the brain thought to help integrate information we receive), while atthesame time, blood flow decreases in the frontoparietal associative cortices, areas thought to be critical to ourability to exhibit conscious awareness. Normally, these parts work simultaneously during wakefulness; thenocturnal split suggests that a sleepwalker's brain is essentially playing only a few keys rather than a wholemelody. About one in three adults will sleepwalk at least once in their lives, and between 3 and 4 percent do soregularly, according to a recent study in Neurology. Related parasomnias like REM sleep behavior disorderacondition in which the brain doesn't paralyze the body during REM sleep, so people are able to act out theirdreams- are found most often in men and tend to run in families, though researchers don't know exactly why.These disorders can also be precursors to degenerative neurological conditions. Nearly 45 percent of patientsdiagnosed with REM sleep behavior disorder go on to develop Parkinson's disease and other conditions causedby a lack of dopamine in the brain, according to a study reported in The Lancet Neurology. Parasomniaepisodes can be triggered by excessive caffeine, sleep deprivation, chronic stress, or loud noises, all of whichtake a toll on the brain's ability to cycle through the stages of sleep. A 2007 study published in Sleep revealedthat up to 90 percent of violent sleepwalkingcases are provoked by a person confronting a sleepwalker, ratherthan a sleepwalker seeking out or initiating a confrontation. No one knows why, but adult sleepwalkers oftenbecome violent when confronted, while children tend to be relatively lethargic. Michel Cramer Bornemann,codirector of the Minnesota Regional Sleep Disorder Center and an assistant professor at the University ofMinnesota Medical School, says that the difference could reflect the fact mat children spend longer amounts of

time in deep slow-wave sleep, which makes them difficult to rouse, while adult sleep patterns tend to be moreunstable and allow for more confusional arousals. All told, nearly 2 percent of adults admit to acting violentlyduringsleep, accordingto astudy of nearly 20,000 patients published mSleep Medicine, though Mahowald saysthat embarrassment may prevent more patients from coming forward. Of the patients who said they had actedviolently while sleeping, for instance, only aboutl2 percent consulted a physician afterwards. The consequencesof sleep violence are often one of two extremes. If a woman throws an elbow and breaks her boyfriend's nosewhile they're asleep, the only authority involved will likely be the doctor who bandages him. "There is a largetolerance from the family and even the medical community for episodes of somnambulism," reports one study inThe Journal of Trauma. Yet if a sleepwalker picks up the gun in his nightstand and fires it at his partner, criminalcharges will likely follow. BRIAN THOMAS WAS not the first person to claim to have been sleepwalking at thetime he committed a violent act. In 1987, Kenneth Parks, a 23-year-old Canadian who'd recently been fired forembezzlingmoney to pay off gambling debts, got up off the couch one night after watching Saturday Night Liveand drove 14 miles on a busy highway to his in-laws' house. He let himself in and proceeded to kill his mother-in-law with a carving knife and nearly choke his fatherin-law to death. He then drove to a nearby police station.Without seeming to notice that his hands were cut nearly to the bone, he walked in and said, "I've just killed twopeople. My God, I've just killed two people." He then looked down, and as if registering his bloody body for thefirst time, screamed, "My hands!" The crime was baffling. Aside from the embarrassment of disclosing hismoney troubles, Parks had no motive for killing his in-laws. In fact, he was closer to them than to his ownparents. There were no signs that he'd lost his temper, and driving directly from the crime scene to the policestation did not seem the act of a guilty man. Most disturbing, Parks couldn't remember anything of the timebetween falling asleep on his couch and surrendering to the police. In one unnerving moment, he asked if his in-laws were dead. A detective said that one of them was. "Did I have anything to do with it?" Parks asked. Theofficer couldn't tell if Parks was delusional or the best actor he'd ever met. Parks's attorney considered aninsanity plea, reasoning that a sleepwalker has no way of recognizing that what he's doing is wrong. But Parksrefused to entertain that notion because doing so might mean institutionalization- and prevent him from seeinghis daughter. Instead, his lawyer argued that he couldn't be responsible for something he never chose to do,and couldn't be deemed insane for the temporary state of sleepwalking. Rosalind Cartwright, then head of thepsychology department at Rush University and one of the world's preeminent sleep researchers, offered a probono review of the case on Parks's behalf. After conducting several sleep studies and undertaking an extensivefamily sleep history, Cartwright concluded that he was in the midst of a complex parasomnia from the time hegot up off of the couch to the time he walked into the police station. "He was a gentle man stuck in a tragiccircumstance," she says. Several clues pointed Cartwright in the direction of sleep violence. First, Parks had afamily history of parasomnias. His grandfather, for instance, had been known to cook while sleepwalking, only towander back to bed without eating. Several male relatives suffered from enuresis, or bed-wetting, an indicationthat the brain is unable to fully rouse itself from deep sleep. And, while lethal, Parks's violent outburst wasconsistent with the actions of other sleepwalkers when confronted. The defense argued that Parks's mother-in-law likely confronted him when he entered the house, which could explain why he harmed someone he lovedwithout any clear motivation or intent. Perhaps swayed by Cartwright's analysis or Parks's wife's testimony onhis behalf, the jury acquitted him on all charges. Soon, a stream of defendants claimed that they, too, weresleepwalking at the time they committed violent actions. Within seven years, there were in Canada alone fivewell-known trials that dealt with sleep violence. Prosecutors and psychologists became concerned about theprospect of malingering. As courts around the globe began dealing with defendants claiming their crimes werecommitted while sleeping, top sleep research departments, like the University of Minnesota's, increasinglyreceived calls from prosecutors. Cramer Bornemann saw these cases as an opportunity to investigate sleepviolence. Even if all the defendants were lying, he would glean valuable insights into how to spot a fake. Soalong with his colleagues, Mahowald and Carlos Schenck, he formed Sleep Forensics Associates in 2006.

Cramer Bornemann has since investigated over 250 cases. (He tells clients that he won't guarantee a favorableopinion and donates his fee to the university's hospital.) True instances of sleep crime are rare, he says, andextremely violent cases exceptional. The majority of his cases involve sexual assault, and he most oftentestifies for the prosecution, saying that a parasomnia was unlikely (in part because many cases involve alcohol,which can inhibit memory and decision-makingbut isn't likely to spur sleepwalking). In his investigations, helooks for the same standard of voluntary action that the Parks case established. While some doctors who testifyin sleepwalking-related cases turn to lab studies of the accused's sleep to illustrate that he has a parasomnia,Cramer Bornemann says their results are irrelevant, as it's difficult for sleepwalkingand extremely unlikely forviolence- to be reproduced in a lab. For her part, Cartwright argues that technology could eventually help courtsat least establish whether a defendant is a sleepwalker. A technique called power-density scoring, for instance,has shown that sleepwalkers have lower slow-wave sleep activity duringthe early sleep cycle than otherindividuals, even on nights when they don't sleepwalk. Still, Cramer Bornemann thinks that the use of labstudies to support a defendant is unethical. He feels they provide circumstantial evidence that may unfairlyconvince a jury of somethingthat's not there: scientific certainty. A study doesn't prove anything about the nighta particular crime was committed, he notes, and judges who are more sophisticated when it comes to scientificevidence tend to rule such results inadmissible. Cramer Bornemann's approach is based on the premise that inorder to develop a defense with merit, the defendant's violent act has to have a behavioral pattern that isconsistent with a recognized parasomnia. Through video, audio, witness accounts, and interviews of theaccused, he seeks clues to help determine the likely brain state of the defendant at the time of an incident. If hewas able to walk barefoot in the snow without feeling pain, for instance, that suggests his brain wasn'tprocessing sensory input, a function that is blocked through active pre-synaptic inhibition duringsleep. If thedefendant later said he woke up from a dream to find his hands around his wife's neck, that suggests he was inthe middle of the dreaming REM stage of sleep and could be suffering from REM sleep behavior disorder (theinability to remember a dream, meanwhile, would suggest the incident occurred during non-REM sleep, andwas perhaps the result of a violent non-REM parasomnia). Cramer Bornemann stays on the lookout forconsistency in the details, such as whether a person claims to have been dreaming or not, which helps preventcases of malingering. Some cases seem like obvious instances of sleep violence, such as a current oneinvolving a man living in a Mid-Atlantic state. His girlfriend awoke around 2 a.m. to the sound of a loud bang,and saw him holding a gun. "Did you shoot me?" she asked. "I don't know," he responded, as he seemed tocome out of a daze. She realized she been grazed by a bullet on the scalp and her hand, but wasn't seriouslyinjured. Concerned thatthe man's past criminal record could pose a problem, the woman went to the emergencyroom alone. Doctors immediately recognized the bullet wounds, and the man was arrested later that day.Cramer Bornemann hasn't yet reached an official conclusion on this case, but says it's likely that sleepwalkingor a confusional arousal could be at fault, since the shooter struggled to regain full consciousness.Sleepwalkers aren'tadangeronlyto others; they can also harm themselves. A 2003 Journal of Forensic Sciencesreport detailed people falling from rooftops and shooting themselves. In 2010, Tobias Wong, a noted conceptualartist in New York City, was found dead in his apartment, an event that shocked the art world. The death wasruled a suicide by hanging, but Wong's family suspected he'd done it while sleepwalking, as he had alonghistory of parasomnias. "This wasn't a typical suicide," his partner told The New York Times. "He wasn'tangry; he wasn't sad. We were always thinking about our future. We wanted kids. We wanted to find a house."Determiningthat such cases are instances of parasomnia pseudosuicide- unintentional accidents- can haveprofound emotional and financial effects on a victim's family, assuaging guilt and triggering insurance payoutsthat don't cover suicide. Perhaps because he deals with the bizarre every day, Cramer Bornemann accepts thatcertainty can be elusive. "I can never really know what happened on a particular evening," he says. "I'mdifferent from other forensic investigators. I don't have DNA. I don't have formal material evidence to provideconfirmation. All I have are behavior patterns, based on which I evaluate the brain state of a particular time and

assess a likelihood." Even then, juries don't always see things as scientists do. In 1997, Scott Falater, then 41,was a software engineer struggling with a stressful job at Motorola. Despite beinga devout Mormon, he'drecently begun takingcaffeine pills. Worried that the failure of a project he was overseeing would result inlayoffs, he'd been sleeping less than four hours a night for a week. After discussing his work concerns with hiswife one evening, he tried to replace a stuck part on the pool filter at his suburban Phoenix homesomethingshehad asked him to do. Unable to complete the job, he headed to bed around 9:30 p.m. An hour later, a neighborheard screams. Peering over the fence, he saw a body by the pool- and Falaterstandingoveritwitha"blank,staringlook." After enteringthe garage, Falater returned wearing heavy canvas glovesand dragged his wife's body toward the water. Police arrived minutes later and arrested Falater, who had afreshly bandaged hand, yet was confused about the situation. During an interrogation, he was unable to answerquestions and even asked, "Why do you think I am the one responsible?" The detective indicated the bandage;Falater stared at his hand, perplexed. Still, the coroner concluded that he had stabbed his wife 44 times with aknife before holding her head underwater. Falater- who had a history of sleepwalking and had, at 20, shoved hissister when she tried to prevent him from wanderingin his sleep- claimed he was asleep while committing themurder. Family members testified that there'd been no obvious tension between the couple; they hadalovingrelationship, were financially stable, and accordingto their teenage children, rarely disagreed. The courtordered abarrage of psychological tests; they came back normal, and the psychiatrist reported that Falater wascrushed by his wife's death. Witnesses, including Rosalind Cartwright, concluded thatFalater could have beenattempting to fix the pool filter while sleepwalking, using the blade to dislodge the stuck part, and turned on hiswife when she approached him. Yet, in part because four nights of sleep studies failed to demonstrate asleepwalking arousal in Falater, the jury found him guilty. Falater was sentenced to life in prison. IMAGINETHAT BOTH Parks and Falater are telling the truth. In the U.S. legal system, which views consciousness as anall-or-nothing affair, the outcomes of sleep violence can be very different, depending on the jurisdiction and thetype of case. Research by Fordham University School of Law professor Deborah Denno revealed that there isn'ta set framework for assessing whether a defendant was likely sleepwalking when violence occured- his fate canhinge on the the sophistication of the attorney and the sleep experts who testify. Many judges and lawyersremain dubious that someone could execute a complex, violent act while sleeping. Determining whetìier aperson was sleepwalkingcouldmeanthedifferencebetweenafuu acquittal or prison- with thepossibilityofthedeathpenalty. There is no middle ground between incarceration and freedom, and no record of how often police dealwith cases of possible sleepwalking. Those extreme options spurred Dermo to pen a 2002 paper, published inthe Minnesota Law Review, arguing that the way courts view sleep needs reform. The foundations of thecriminal code pertaining to unconscious and involuntary states such as sleepwalking haven't been thoroughlyupdated since the '50s, when Freudian interpretations of consciousness were widely accepted and scientificunderstanding of sleep was rudimentary. Courts have done little to reach uniform standards since her articlewas published. Denno argues that judges and juries need a third way to classify a defendant's actions:semivoluntary. As an example, she cites Kenneth Parks. "Someone like him may need to be told, 'If for the nextyear you take your medication and keep out of trouble, we won't prosecute this crime,'" she says. In such asystem, there would be a record of each incidence of sleep violence, and people with parasomnias would needto act responsibly or risk prosecution for any crime they committed. Such an approach would pull cases of sleepviolence out of the shadows and give sleep crime researchers data they're sorely missing. All this could havemajor significance with respect to developing fair standards for sleep cases. Meanwhile, Cartwright advocatesfor changes to the investigative process that would embrace the technological advances; she's working with aninternational team to establish a protocol that all sleep experts can follow when examining sleep violence cases."It will take time to get everybody on the same page and get laws changed," she says. "In20years, we mighthave enough history to establish a standard." Still, for sleepwalkers who wake to a crime scene, even a not-guilty verdict may do little to soothe feelings of guilt. Brian Thomas was described in court as "abrokenman."The

jury heard evidence thathehadahistory of sleepwalkingand had recentìycomeoffofmedicationfor severe nightterrors- a parasomnia in which a person can scream and thrash for up to 20 minutes, yet form no memory of it.After a short deliberation, the jurors reached a verdict of not guilty. The judge then addressed Thomas fromthebench. "You are a decent man and a devoted husband," he said. "I strongly suspect that you may well befeeling a sense of guilt In the eyes of the law you bear no responsibility." "Your body is built for a world wherethe only bright light is the sun." DAVID K. RANDALL, the author of "Dangerous Dreamers," took an Interest inthe science of sleep after he started sleepwalking-and was told that his doctor could do nothing to help him. Sohe educated himself and now has a few tips for the walking dozer: Minimize stress before bedtime, don't drinkcoffee, and turn off all the lights, including your TV. Randall also wrote Dreamland: Adventures in the StrangeScience of Sleep. Sidebar While asleep, parasomnia patients have been known to dive into nightstands, drivetheir cars, make phone calls - with no recollection of their actions come morning. Sidebar The noctornal split incerebral blood flow suggests that a sleepwalker's brain ins playing only a few keys-rather than a whole melody.Sidebar Parks couldn't remember anything of the time between falling asleep on his couch and surrendering thepolice. AuthorAffiliation DAVID K. RANDALL is the author of Dreamland: Adventures in the Strange Science ofSleep, published by W.W. Norton.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 32 of 34 Living a Lie Author: McGowan, Kat Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 78-84,4.ProQuest document link Full Text: Headnote Fooling yourself can have devastating consequences, especially in the domains of money,career sexual identity and relationships. Meet four people who fought their wav to an authentic life. YES, YOUAREJUSt a little bit smarter than most people. Funnier, too. And while we're at it, more appealing. Yourstrengths are writ large, and your flaws are, well, minimal. Your successes are hardearned. Failures? Most arethe result of sheer bad luck. Almost all of us engage in self-deception, little denials or rationalizations thatremove unpleasant evidence of our warts. Episodes of self-enhancement are absolutely normal. In fact, slightlyoverrating ourselves seems to be psychologically healthy. Self-deception alleviates stress, benefitsrelationships, and makes us more resilient by sheltering the ego from the storms of reality. It may even be partof our psychological destiny. In recent years, cognitive psychologists have gathered bountiful evidence that self-deception is a basic feature of the human mind. There are many advantages to deceiving ourselves, includingappearing confident and winning the favor of others. Our minds are a jumble of conscious and unconsciouselements that allow us to be both deceiver and deceived, although we may differ in the degree to which we areonto our own tricks. And depression, typically characterized by an excessively negative view of ourselves, mayresult from a glitch in our self-deceptive machinery. Or, if neuroscientist V.S. Ramachandran is right, our brainshave a mechanism to decouple stark truths- such as the inevitability of death- from their emotional impact.Otherwise, we might be forever paralyzed with fear and do nothing at all with our lives. His conclusions aredrawn from studies of people with anosognosia, a condition that makes them deny that they have paralysis orsome other disability and even offer wildly inventive explanations for why their body isn't functioning. We have adeep incentive to keep troubling truths from our conscious minds. A little bit of self-deceit can be good for you.But when it comes to the core challenges of adult life- career, money, sexual identity and marriage- foolingyourself can have devastating consequences. In each of these domains- think of them as the four horsemen ofself-deception- we face situations that require us to make difficult decisions in the face of doubt and uncertainty.

The result is anxiety and a strong temptation to hide from the truth. "People keep secrets from themselvesbecause to acknowledge the information would be extremely anxiety-producing," says New York Citypsychiatrist and psychoanalyst Gail Saltz. Self-deception and worry reinforce each other, making it harder andharder to face the facts. There is no particular personality type that is more vulnerable to self-deception. We areall equally susceptible, especially when anxiety gets the better of us. In general, accepting our flaws alongsideour strengths provides a bulwark against excessive self-deception; so does coming to peace with our owninternal contradictions and learning to withstand difficult feelings, such as doubt and fear. What follows are thestories of four people who each triumphed over one such horseman of self-deception. THE LIE /// 'TM GOODAT MY JOB; IT MUST BE MY DESTINY TO DO IT." * DAVID WERTIME worked as a corporate lawyer in HongKong. The job was demanding, but it was also prestigious, well-paid, and extremely difficult to get. And he wasgood at it. It seemed like the obvious best use of his skills and his time. But within a few years, he began torealize that while everyone else might want his job, he did not. He was fascinated, instead, by technology andby the news emerging from China, where he had previously lived. But how could he abandon a career thateveryoneelse valued- and thathe was so good at? So he stuck with it. "It seemed like the reasonable, smartthing to do," he says. Being bright, self-disciplined, and hardworking should guarantee career success. Butthose great qualities can also trap you in a desirable, competitive position thatyoudon'treally enjoy, especially ifyou expect work to be a major source of meaning in life. You may secretly hate your job, but you do all in yourpower to make yourself love it. A grand and particularly insidious self-deception is that you are making the bestuse of your abilities. The problem, which can be hard to recognize, is that while you feel lost and confused,everyone else regards you as a fabulous success. Paradoxical as it may seem, conscientious, hardworkingpeople like Wertime can have an especially difficult time leaving a good position, suggests Rob Archer, a U.K.-based career psychologist. Because they're good at pushing themselves, they can keep going through sheerwillpower, even without any deep passion for the job. After four years, Wertime finally realized he was nevergoing to be a truly great corporate lawyer, because he just didn't care deeply enough about it. He didn't knowwhat he would do instead, but after a long night walking the streets of Hong Kong and mulling over his future,he realized he needed to confront his uncertainty. The next day, he steeled his resolve and quit. One of thefirm's partners told him he was crazy, that he was jumping out of a plane without a parachute. But Wertime sawit as a totally reasonable decision. "It's illogical to ignore your own deepest impulses," he says. In late 2011,Wertime launched Tea Leaf Nation, a news website dedicated, he says, to "making sense of China throughsocial media." In its first year, the site broke a story about a small uprising, and the online source has been citedby big media from The Wall Street Journal to Radio Sweden. He is now partnering with The Atlantic magazine'swebsite. Archer says that one of the reasons people stay stuck in an ill-fitting career is that they believe theyneed to feel a sense of certainty and confidence before making a change. Wertime didn't wait. He knew he wasgoing to have to fumble through the transition without knowing whether or not he was doing the right thing. Hesimply gritted his teeth and tolerated the doubt and anxiety. "There's no Hollywood sound track," he says. Youfigure it out as you doit. Wertime is now passionate about what he's doing, and although he's not making muchmoney, he's no longer living someone else's idea of a wonderful life. "If you have the luxury of being able tochoose a career," he says, "you owe it to yourself to do so." THERE'S NO HOLLYWOOD SOUND TRACK FOREMBARKING ON A CAREER CHANGE. YOU FIGURE IT OUT AS YOU DO IT. A HIGH-PAYING JOB in anexotic locale that noteflOugh to keep David Wartime on the boatcn Path. THE LIE /// "BEING A SUCCESSMEANS HAVING NICE STUFE" * INHER20S, ANNA NEWELLJONES knew what success was supposed tolook like: a big house, attractively furnished. So she shopped, and she bought. Stylish handmade items from thewebsite Etsy. A $1,200 couch. Fancy hair products. Every month, she spent $200 to $300 more than she madeand avoided thinking about the consequences. "I wanted to look as if I had my life put together so that otherswould think I did," Jones says now. She wanted to see herself that way, too. Self-deception finds a grandwelcome in the arena of money, especially in the age of massive credit card debt. Money, after all, is a common

yardstick of our value and our ability to control our life. Lookingas if you're doingwell can seem like a shortcut toactually making it. Your life may look the way it is supposed to, and everyone may think you've made it, but thatis not enough to put you on track to develop competence and self-confidence, those handmaidens of success."I wasn't there yet, but I didn't want to let other people know that," explains Jones. In the tension that oftenexists between our social self and our internal self, it's tempting to privilege the social self. Financial denial, aspsychologist Brad Klontz calls it, is woefully common. One recent study found that 36 percent of adults avoidthinking about their own money. "Financial denial is attempting to cope with anxiety or feelings of incompetenceby not thinkingabout money and not dealing with it," says Klontz, director of research for H&R Block Dollars andSense. But it can easily feed into what he calls the Big Lie- the conviction that your money problems are causedby a major flaw in your character, such as laziness or stupidity. The Big Lie only reinforces your feelings ofincompetence and prevents you from taking action. By the end of 2009, Jones could no longer hide from thetruth. She was $23,605.10 in the red, with no idea how to pay it back on her modest salary as agovernmentemployee. She decided to get brutally real with herself. On January 1, 2010, she committed to a yearlongspending "fast" of buying only bare essentials: food, bus fare, car payments, rent, doctor visits. No dinners out,movies, new clothes, or cute knickknacks. To make it impossible to deceive herself, she announced herdecision by starting a blog, "And Then We Saved." She publicly documented her new penny-pinchingtechniques. In 15 months, Jones was debt-free. Now she's proud of being a cheapskate. Becca Schlegel, apsychologist at Texas A&M, says this is a common paradox: Most of us secretly prefer our true selves, wartsand all, even though our public persona has more socially desirable characteristics. To Jones's delight, as herbalance sheet improved, she was liberated. Debtfree, she can now afford to work parttime and focus on her truepassion, photography. "I have the freedom to live the life I want," she says. Defeating financial anxiety got hersomething that money can't buy: autonomy and self-reliance. I WASN'T THERE YET BUT I DIDN'T WANT f OLET OTHER PEOPLE KNOW THAT A HUGE DEBT LOAD created the look of the good life but forced AnnaNewell Jones to impose a spending fast that freed her to live the way she reafty wanted. THE LIE /// "I CANTRANSFORM MYSELF INTO THE PERSON EVERYONE EXPECTS ME TO BE." BY THE TIME ALEXSHAFER WAS a teenager, he was pretty sure he was gay. He never daydreamed about girls. He had crusheson other guys. He had never kissed another boy, but his feelings were strong and clear. Shafer was also amember of die Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints- a Mormon. His community, his church, and hisfamily do not approve ofhomosexuality, and these were the people he loved and looked up to. So he vowed tobecome the person everyone else wanted him to be. His parents and his church leaders urged him to tryreparative therapy, a form of psychotherapy intended to teach people how to be heterosexual. The premise,largely discredited by psychological research, is that homosexual urges result from a disturbed father-sonrelationship, and ayoungman who develops better relationships with his father and other male role models willbegin to desire women. For years, Shafer tried as hard as he could not to be gay. He was not sexually active.He saw three different therapists. He went to Evergreen International, a Mormon program designed to help menbecome straight. He spent more time with his father. He truly believed that if he only worked at it enough andprayed enough, he could change. Toward the end of college he met a wonderful woman, and they married. Heloved his wife, but he eventually had to admit to himself that his attraction to men was not fading. Shafer felt thathe'd failed. "There's this sense that you're broken and you need to be fixed," he says. "That's what youinternalize." He slid into depression. At times he even thought of suicide. The depth of his despair reflected aself-deception that went to the very heart of his identity: What kind of person was he? A heterosexual, marriedMormon, supported and loved by his community? Or a gay man, an outsider? The belief that anyone cantransform core features of the self with enough effort often plays out in the domain of sexual identity. Thisexistential conflict is "far more common still than you realize," says Loren Olson, a psychotherapist in ruralIndiana who himself came out at age 40, after being married for years. He counsels many men in conservativecommunities who are faced with the same dilemma: Risk alienating friends and family or continue to live a lie.

For Shafer the self-deception was THERE'S THIS SENSE THAT YOU'RE BROKEN AND NEED TO BE FIXED.THAT'S WHAT YOU INTERNALIZE. ACKNOWLEDGNG his homosexuality came with a cost-It alienated AlesShafer's Mormon family and community. supported by misinformation. He knew few gay people and had beenled to believe that gay men just had sleazy one-nightstands. Only when attending graduate school did he meetgay men who were in committed relationships. The gay experience, he realized, did not have to be promiscuousand empty. He told his wife he could not turn himself straight, and they agreed to divorce. As the divorce wasbeing finalized, his depression got so severe that he was hospitalized for a week. "After that, I could no longerbe this person everybody wanted me to be," he says. "I thought: I'm goingto come out, and people can just dealwith it." While many friends supported him, the more traditional members of his family still did not approve.Shafer craved the warmth and support of his Mormon community, but felt that he no longer fit in. Both Olsonand Shafer agree that not every gay person must be completely public in order to find an authentic life. Thereally important step is admitting to yourself who you truly are. Shafer has some gay Mormon friends who preferto remain celibate. He doesn't tell them what to do, but he advises them to accept their real nature, whetherthey decide to act upon it or not. "You need to come to terms with who you are," he says. "You have to pushthrough the fear." Shafer has paid a steep price to put self-deception behind him, but he has also regained hissanity. "Being inauthentic has huge costs in terms of mental health," he says. He's now in a satisfyingrelationship and aspires to one day be a "gay married family man," in his words. Acknowledging his true selfwas "scary," he says. "There's no getting over that. But the reward is a lot bigger than you might expect." THELIE /// "IF I LEAVE MY MARRIAGE, I'M A FAILURE." VICTORIA KRISTOPH* was just 20 when she fell madlyin love. She ran away from a strict and sometimes abusive family to marry her sweetheart. Her husband wastroubled, but he was also loving at times. And they saw each other through terrible crises. Within their first yeartogether, his father killed himself and his mother became seriously ill. They never talked much about theseevents, and her husband coped with the stress by drinking too much. Although the couple was becomingemotionally distant, Kristoph convinced herself the marriage would survive because she truly loved herhusband. But as Kristoph neared 30, she grew increasingly miserable. She was determined not to abandon herhusband, and she was afraid to be on her own. Yet, after a few glasses of wine, she'd wind up sobbing, unableto name the feelings that tormented her. "I didn't face why I was unhappy," she says now. Finally, one night, shehappened to catch the movie An Unmarried Woman, about a wife whose husband leaves her. It hit her rightthere in the theater: It was over. "We all have a survival instinct," she says. At that moment, hers kicked in. "I feltthat I was going down, and I wasn't goingto let that happen." Years after her divorce, it dawned on her that herhusband had been cheating on her much of the time they were married. Once, she'd found someone else's brain their bed. He'd offered a flimsy excuse, and she'd accepted it. Another time, he'd taken a long vacationwithout her, never explainingwhy. How couldshe have been so blind? "I really was living a lie in order to protectmyself," she recalls. The sudden realization that your marriage has fallen apart is a gut-churning moment. It'snot just the end of a love affair. It means dismantling a whole life. Everything changes- your home, yourchildren, your routine, how you describe yourself, even how you do your taxes. That might be enough to makeanyone avoid the truth. But if you also suspect that your spouse is having an affair, selfdeception can blossominto full-blown long-term denial. Fears about an uncertain future kept Kristoph married long after the relationshipwas beyond repair. That's actually quite common, says Gail Saltz, author of the 2004 book Real: Defeating theStories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back. Evidence that your spouse is cheating on you creates anenormous crisis that is frequently likened to trauma. "It's not unusual for someone to be in a bit of denial forsome period of time" in such a situation, she observes. Over time, though, you must begin to acknowledge thetruth or risk getting caught in a spiral of loneliness and selfdeception. The pretense that the relationship is justfine builds a wall between you and your spouse that makes it difficult to talk about even small problems. It candistance you from others, too; if you can't admit to yourself that your marriage is faltering, you won't be able totell anyone else either, even though you are scared and miserable. That, in turn, exacerbates feelings of

isolation and fear. "Many people find it difficult to be intimate with anyone when they are not really sure whothey are," says Saltz. "When you feel like a fake, it's pretty hard to be close to somebody." Kristoph is nowhappily partnered with another man, in a good marriage that has lasted decades. But until just a few years ago,she often found herself thinking about her first husband with a lingering sense of failure- the hangover of hertime spent living a lie. WE ALL HAVE A SURVIVAL INSTINCT. I FELT I WAS GOING DOWN, AND I WASN'TGOING TO LET THAt HAPPEN. "There's a gray area between the little lies that we tell ourselves all the timeand the big lies we get stuck in." KAT MCGOWAN, a contributing editor at Discover, also suggests that anyonecan fall prey to a fallacious mindset: "One thing leads to another, and you find that you're living in a way thatreally has little to do with who you are." Among the most instructive cases she uncovers in "Living a Lie" are aMormon who confronts his homosexuality and a successful corporate lawyer who realizes he doesn't care abouthis work. AuthorAffiliation KAT MCGOWAN is a science writer based in California's Bay Area.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 33 of 34 2013 BEST IN TREATMENT Author: Anonymous Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 85-106.ProQuest document link Full Text: Our Exclusive Guide to America's Top Facilities For Addiction Recovery And Therapeutic Care Best inTreatment SUBSTANCE ABUSE costs America more than $600 billion a year, according to the NationalInstitutes of Health. But that doesn't begin to encompass the tragic cost of squandered individual potential andthe stress it places on families. Yet effective treatments are available that address the complexities of substanceabuse. To help individuals, families, and therapists be more aware of the options available, Psychology Todayhas created this directory of facilities offering The Best in Treatment. Alpine Academy Erda, UT P: (866) 662-1602, Website www.alpineacademy.org Distinction: Licensed, intensive residential treatment program with theservices and feel of an upscale boarding school Beds: 54 Gender: Female Only Age: 12-18 (Grades 7-12)Detox: No Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: No Hospital Affiliated: Yes Average Stay: 9-12 Months Price: $429 perday; $13,000 for 30 days; Privatepay discount available Treatment Focus: Depression, Anxiety, DevelopingPersonality/Mood Disorders, Attachment Disorders Program at a glance: Some highlights of our uniquetreatment approach include: intensive clinical work that includes individual, group, and family therapy, on-sitepsychiatric services, individualized social skills training, and transition-focused therapeutic family weekends. Wealso offer a variety of customizable experiential therapy interventions for our students, such as equine-assistedpsychotherapy, art therapy, DBT focused treatment, EMDR, and a variety of specialty group offerings. We arean accredited private school; the teaching staff includes a principal, guidance counselor, SPED director, anddually endorsed, highly qualified teachers. This evidence-based treatment approach helps young women torealize long-term change. Amen Clinics Newport Beach, CA; San Francisco, CA; Seattle, WA; New York, NY;Washington, DC; Atlanta, GA P: (888) 564-2700, Website www.amenclinics.com Distinction: Staff/Patient Ratio2.5/1 Beds: N/A Gender: Both Age: All Detox: No Sliding Scale: No Insurance: No Hospital Affiliated: NoAverage Stay: Outpatient Price: Individual Services $175 and up. Comprehensive Evaluation including BrainSPECT Imaging $3,575 Treatment Focus: ADD, Anxiety, Depression, Mood and Behavioral Disorders, EatingDisorders, Addictions, PTSD, Brain Trauma, Memory Issues, Brain Fog or Other Cognitive Issues Program at aglance: Founded in 1989, the Amen Clinics put into practice groundbreaking research and decades ofprofessional experience of double board certified psychiatrist Daniel G. Amen, MD. The Clinics have one of theleading success rates for treating ADD, anxiety, depression, mood and behavioral disorders, eating disorders,

addictions, PTSD, brain trauma, memory issues, brain fog, and other cognitive issues. Amen Clinics do athorough intake clinical evaluation along with labs, and use brain SPECT imaging, which measures blood flowand brain activity. Physicians target treatment to individual patients' brains, rather than applying broadpsychiatric categories. Amen Clinics utilize integrative modalities to develop comprehensive and targetedpatient treatment plans. Bayshore Retreat Destin, FL P: (850) 260-0859, Website www.bayshoreretreat.comDistinction: Staff/Patient Ratio 3 to I1 Florida Licensed &Court Approved Beds: 6 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox:Yes Sliding Scale: No Insurance: No Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 30-45 Days Price: $19,500 for 30Days, $36,000 for 60 Days Treatment Focus: Drug and Alcohol Addiction Program at a glance: BayshoreRetreat is a unique treatment center that specializes in truly individualized drug and alcohol programs, not the"onesize-fits-all" approach. Six clients at a time means the addiction, causes and possible damage areaddressed intimately and personally. The home-like environment and serene waterfront location provide anatmosphere for healing from the very beginning. Bayshore's holistic approach along with traditional therapytechniques results in an integrated program which combines the physical, spiritual and psychological aspects ofaddiction with diet, dry sauna therapy, exercise, deep tissue massages, yoga, hypnotherapy, life skill coaching,group, family, individual counseling and off-site real life activities. BrainStim Health &TMS Center Delray Beach,FL P: (877) 750-STIM (7846), Website www.brainstim.com Distinction: Offering FDA-Approved, Non-Drug TMSTherapy Beds: N/A Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: No Sliding Scale: No Insurance: No Hospital Affiliated: NoAverage Stay: N/A Price: $5,000 - $15,000 Per Full Treatment Program Treatment Focus: Dual Diagnosis(Addiction with Depression, Pain, &Anxiety) - Research shows promise for the treatment of chronic pain, OCD,bipolar, disorder and PTSD Program at a glance: BrainStim Health &TMS Center specializes in the treatment ofdual diagnosis (addiction with depression, pain, or anxiety). Working in conjunction with treatment facilities,BrainStim provides the new, ground-breaking Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) Therapy. TMS is a safe,non-invasive, non-systemic, and non-drug therapy cleared by the FDA for the treatment of Major DepressiveDisorder. TMS can stimulate brain activity in targeted areas thought to be involved in habit memory, potentiallysuppressing cravings while delivering an antidepressant/anti-anxiety effect. TMS can provide a solid base forrehabilitation, helping to reduce relapse rates and augment treatment success. Bridges to Recovery LosAngeles, CA - Bel AIr, Pacific Palisades and Santa Monica, CA P: (888) 645-5895, Websitewww.bridgestorecovery.com Distinction: Licensed by Dept of Mental Health and certified by Dept of SocialServices. Only 6 beds per location and individual psychotherapy 5 times a week Beds: 18 Gender: Both Age:18+ Detox: No Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 30-60 Days Price:Starting at $45,000 for 30 Days Treatment Focus: Depression, Mood Disorders, Personality Disorders Programat a glance: Bridges to Recovery is a premier licensed residential behavioral health facility designed for menand women suffering from psychiatric disorders who are seeking an alternative to a hospital environment fortheir care through a unique and effective combination of psychotherapy and integrative therapy. We combineindividual psychodynamic psychotherapy, DBT and SE along with milieu and group therapy in order to providein depth and holistic integrated treatment. This allows our patients to be treated for complex and persistentpsychiatric disorders, by addressing their emotional, spiritual and physical needs. Our goal is to relieve sufferingthrough compassionate, coordinated care in order to empower and motivate our patients to succeed. BurningTree Dallas &Austin, TX P: (866) 560-4617, Website www.burningtree.com Distinction: Progress-BasedApproach, Individualized Length of Stay, 1/5 Counselor/Patient Ratio Beds: 65 Combined Gender: Both Age:18+ Detox: No Sliding Scale: No Insurance: No Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 8-12 Months Price:$11,000 for Each of First 3 Months, $7,040 for Every Following Month Treatment Focus: Long Term Treatment,Chronic Relapse, Cc-Occurring Disorders Program at a glance: Established in 1999, Burning Tree is a long-term residential drug and alcohol treatment center for adults specializing in chronic relapse and co-occurringdisorders. We serve individuals with a history of chronic relapse and who have not been able to achievepermanent recovery from 12-step or other treatment programs. Using a progress-based approach to addiction

recovery, our length of stay is individualized, not predetermined. A typical treatment day is well structured andemploys a wide range of treatment modalities including group process, gender specific, 12-step, peer drivenand 1-on-l therapy. Burning Tree is a residential treatment center licensed by the Texas Department of StateHealth Services. The Canyon Mallbu, CA P: (866) 972-0321, Website www.TheCyn.com Distinction: Co-occurring disorders, equine and experiential therapies, DBT Beds: 16 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: YesSliding Scale: No Insurance: No Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 30-90 Days Price: Call for MoreInformation Treatment Focus: Addiction &Dual Diagnosis Program at a glance: The Canyon at Peace Park is aprivate, secluded retreat in the beautiful desert hills of Malibu, California. Our evidence-based treatment modelcombined with our innovative techniques that focus on the neuroscience of addiction enables us to meet thespecific needs of each person in a comprehensive way. Our internist physician, Dr. James Gagne, whospecializes in addiction medicine, serves patients throughout the detox process and into the duration of theirtreatment, emphasizing the relationship between illness and emotions. In a supreme healing environment, weoffer specialized co-occurring disorders treatment. Patients can also step down from inpatient treatment byreceiving services at our outpatient facility, The Canyon at Santa Monica. Clarity Way Hanover, PA P: (877)350-0809, Website www.clarityway.com Distinction: 60 Staff to 23 Patients Beds: 23 (17 plus 6 Detox) Gender:Both Age: 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 30-90 DaysPrice: Call for More Information Treatment Focus: Addiction, Dual Diagnosis, Holistic Program at a glance: Seton 15 scenic acres, Clarity Way offers a multi-disciplinary approach covering prescription drug, alcohol andsubstance abuse, pain management, dual diagnosis, and process addiction tracks. Their custom treatmentplans include a minimum of 10-15 individual one-on-one sessions per week, an on-site 24/7 detox and rehabmedical staff, and an intensive aftercare and relapse prevention program with a high recovery success rate.Incorporating verbal, kinesthetic and visual methods, their custom treatment plans help focus on each client'sindividual needs. Length of stay ranges from 14, 30, 60, 90 day or longer inpatient rehabilitation programs.Music and art therapy are also provided in their recording and art studios. The Control Center Beverly Hills, CAP: (855) 701-4040, Website www.thecontrolcenter.com Distinction: 5 Staff to 1 Patient Beds: N/A Gender: BothAge: 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 30-90 Days Price:$2,500 - $20,000 Treatment Focus: Chemical Addictions, Behavioral Addictions, Mental Health Disorders,Relationship Therapy Program at a glance: The Control Center provides state of the art mental health andaddiction treatment in an intensive outpatient setting as an alternative to inpatient rehab. We offer acomprehensive treatment model that incorporates neuroscience, specialty psychotherapy, trauma work, holisticmedicine, psychiatric services, individual/group/family therapy and either 12 step or an alternative program. Ourdistinguished team of doctors and therapists specializes in chemical and behavioral addictions, dual diagnosisand relationship therapy. The Control Center offers personalized care that features a complimentaryassessment, customized treatment plan, flexible length of stay and we accept insurance. Our staff is dedicatedto your success and recovery. Creative Care Mallbu, CA P: (800) 832-3280, Website www.creativecareinc.comDistinction: 4 to 1 Staff/Patient Ratio Beds: 37 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: No Insurance:Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 60-90 Days Price: $31,000 for Semi-Private with Detox; $41,000 forPrivate with Detox Treatment Focus: Addiction, Dual Diagnosis, Mood Disorders, Eating Disorders Program at aglance: Creative Care is one of the first recovery centers in Malibu, CA and the first to treat dually diagnosedindividuals. Its founders Drs. Morteza and Karen Khaleghi have been guiding patients to lasting sobriety formore than 20 years. With professional detoxification, psychological support and 12-step involvement, ourcompassionate and capable staff offers the highest standards of care. We believe in innovative, affordabletreatment, with costs up to three times less than most Malibu treatment centers. Our holistic treatment programtreats the entire person with a full range of traditional and experiential therapies including nutrition, yoga, equinetherapy, expressive arts and adventure therapies to treat mind, body and spirit. Eating Recovery Center,Summit Eating Disorders and Outreach Program and The Moore Center Denver, CO, Sacramento, CA and

Bellevue, WA P: (877) 218-1344, Website www.EatingRecoveryCenter.com Distinction: Comprehensive EatingDisorders Continuum of Care: Inpatient Through Outpatient Beds: 46 Beds, 189 Slots Gender: Both Age:Children, Adolescents, Adults Detox: No Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay:Varies by Level of Care and Illness Price: Varies by Level of Care Treatment Focus: Eating Disorders Programat a glance: Eating Recovery Center is an international center providing comprehensive treatment for anorexia,bulimia, EDNOS and binge eating disorder. Programs provide a full spectrum of services for children,adolescents and adults, including Inpatient, Residential, Partial Hospitalization, Intensive Outpatient andOutpatient Services. To increase patient access to care throughout the US, Eating Recovery Center partnerswith Summit Eating Disorders and Outreach Program in Sacramento, CA, and The Moore Center in Bellevue,WA. Summit offers Partial Hospitalization and Outpatient Services as well as Intensive Outpatient andOutpatient Services in Fresno and Roseville. The Moore Center offers Partial Hospitalization, IntensiveOutpatient and Outpatient Services. Father Martin's Ashley Harve de Grace, MD P: (800) 799-4673, Websitewww.FatherMartinsAshley.org Distinction: Extensive Medical Staff, Group Sizes of 8 or Fewer per Counselor,Located on 147-Acre Chesapeake Bay Campus Beds: 85 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: NoInsurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 28 Days Price: $24,000 for 28 Day Chemical Addiction or$31,000 for Chronic Pain Recovery Program Treatment Focus: Chemical Dependency, Co-Occurlng Mental&Physical Disorders, Chronic Pain and Addiction Treatment Program at a glance: Ashley merges the science ofmedicine, the art of therapy and the support of holistic practices into dignified treatment for those suffering withaddiction to alcohol, drugs or chronic-pain medications. Our education and medical, psychological and spiritualcare helps addicts, and their families, achieve recovery. We treat many co-occurring medical and psychologicaldisorders, have roundthe-clock nursing, full-time physicians, a PhD psychologist, a clinically-led family programand the longest-running relapse program in the country. We are private, non-profit, non-sectarian, JointCommission-Accredited and located on a serene, 147-acre campus on the Bay in Maryland, near the 1-95corridor. Call any time at 800-799-4673 or FatherMartinsAshley.org. Florida Center for Recovery Fort Pierce, FLP: (866) 272-7002, Website www.mycenterforrecovery.com Distinction: Individualized detox counseling to easepatients gently into sobriety. 12 Step and alternative therapies. Family owned and operated for over 10 years.Beds: 72 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No AverageStay: 30-35 Days Price: $17,500 for 30 Days Treatment Focus: Substance Abuse Dependency, Co-OccurringMental Disorders and Chronic Pain Program at a glance: Our treatment facility is located on 12 private acres ofserene environment surrounded by the beauty of the Treasure Coast of Florida. We have been family ownedand operated for over 10 years, helping those who are suffering from addiction to achieve physical, emotionaland spiritual recovery. Our facility is staffed 24/7 by medical personnel to ensure a safe and comfortable detoxand rehabilitation. Programs include individual and group counseling, psychiatric evaluations, Rapid TraumaResolution, family therapy and the traditional 12 Step approach to addiction treatment. Additionally, we offerintegrative therapies including yoga, medical massage, chiropractic, personal training, nutritional education andrecreational activities. We're here to assist you 24/7. Foundations Recovery Network Santa Monica, Mallbu&Palm Springs, CA; Nashville &Memphis, TN; Roswell, GA P: (866) 972-0321, Websitewww.FoundationsRecoveryNetwork.com Distinction: Evidence-based, integrated treatment for co-occurringaddiction and mental health disorders Beds: 207 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: NoInsurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 30-90 Days Price: Most major insurance acceptedTreatment Focus: Addiction, Dual Diagnosis, Mental Health Program at a glance: Foundations RecoveryNetwork is the premier provider of integrated treatment for addiction and mental health concerns, addressingboth conditions in the same setting for the best chance of lifelong, successful recovery. We are committed toproviding and promoting effective treatment for individuals with co-occurring disorders through clinical services,education, and research. We hold nationwide conferences and webinars that individuals can sign up for atFoundationsEvents.com. At all of our inpatient and outpatient facilities, we focus on patient-centered care and

an individualized approach, upholding a high standard of innovative, cutting-edge treatment and compassionateattention to each patient's needs. The González Recovery Residences (The GRR) Vero Beach, FL &Alexandria,VA P: (772) 633-1097, Website www.thegrr.com Distinction: Dignified, Structured, Sober Living Beds: 24Gender: Gender Specific, Both Age: 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: NoAverage Stay: 6 Months+ Price: $5,000 - $17,000 Per Month Treatment Focus: Addiction (Prevention andtreatment of chronic relapse) Dual Diagnosis, Individualized plans Program at a glance: Long term residential,structured, drug and alcohol treatment; inspirational role models and beautiful facilities in Virginia and Roridadedicated to helping relapse prone individuals. The Program is designed to help the individual take an interestin life after addiction, implement healthy living patterns, find meaning, purpose, vision, vitality and joy in life. Wefacilitate the gradual, seamless ongoing transition from the challenges of early abstinence to a fully integratedhappy, productive and sober life. Our ideal resident is aware of his or her disease, motivated to recover, andseeks assistance socializing in recovery and in implementing recovery principles in all aspects of his or her life:family, work and love. Greenhouse Dallas, TX P: (800) 508-1690, Websitewww.AmericanAddictionCenters.com/Greenhouse Distinction: 5 Staff to 7 Patients Beds: 70 Gender: Both Age:18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 45 Days Price: $30,000Treatment Focus: Addiction, Dual Diagnosis of Substance Abuse and Mental Health Issues Program at aglance: The Greenhouse is a nationally recognized program that specializes in aiding men and women whostruggle with addictions that are co-occurring with mental/behavioral health issues. Its philosophy centers onhelping clients achieve optimal wellness by offering individualized treatment designed to heal and balance themind, body and spirit. Traditional and experiential therapies, including EMDR and recovery-oriented challengetherapy, medical and psychiatric services, evidence-based education, peer support groups, family care,recreation, aftercare and spa amenities are provided. Nestled on over 5 acres with a fitness center, two pools,tennis courts and walking trails, the Greenhouse focuses on lifelong recovery in a luxury setting. The GroveSchool Madison, CT P: (203) 312-7986, Website www.groveschool.org Distinction: 1 Teacher to 6 StudentsBeds: 105 Gender: Both Age: Adolescents 12-18, Young Adults 18+ Detox: No Sliding Scale: No Insurance: No- but will help with reimbursement Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 18-24 Months Price: $110,000 for 12Months Treatment Focus: Mood Disorders, Anxiety Disorders, ADD/ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome Programat a glance: Established in 1934, Grove School is a college-preparatory therapeutic boarding school for 105students in grades 7-12 plus PG with emotional, social and learning issues and average to gifted intelligence.The 100-member staff includes 6 psychiatrists; 10 PhDs, LCSWs, LMFTs, Art Therapists; and 30 certified live-inteachers. The clinical approach uses contextually-based psychodynamlc therapy that incorporates CBT, DBTand EMDR with bi-weekly individual sessions, group therapy, ree. therapy and family therapy. The academiccurriculum accommodates the individual while offering a rigorous education including AP courses. Activitiesinclude team and individual sports, over 20 clubs, arts, theatre, music, outdoor adventure, yoga, and foreigntravel. Kartini Clinic for Children and Families Portland, OR P: (503) 451-6630, Website www.kartiniclinic.comDistinction: Patient to Staff Ratio of 4:1 Beds: 15 Adolescent, 4 Young Adult Gender: Both Age: 6-22 Detox: NoSliding Scale: Yes Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 40 Days Price: $750 Per Day (DayTreatment) Treatment Focus: Eating Disorders Program at a glance: Internationally recognized, exclusivepediatric eating disorder treatment program for children and young adults. Kartini Clinic provides inpatientmedical stabilization, day treatment and outpatient programs consisting of small, age-appropriate groups in asetting tailored to the specific needs of children and young adults. We employ an experienced, multi-disciplinarystaff of pediatricians, family and milieu therapists dedicated to treating each child like our own. We providehousing to qualifying families through the Ronald McDonald House of Portland (East) charity. We accept allmajor insurance plans. Kartini Clinic practices in the knowledge that parents don't cause eating disorders andchildren don't choose to have them. La Paloma Memphis, TN P: (866) 972-0321, Websitewww.LaPalomaTreatment.com Distinction: Programs for veterans, executives and chronic pain, Dual Diagnosis

focused. Beds: 71 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: NoAverage Stay: 30-90 Days Price: Most major insurance accepted Treatment Focus: Addiction &Dual DiagnosisProgram at a glance: La Paloma is a safe haven of recovery in the heart of historic mid-town Memphis. Using acomprehensive, evidenced-based approach, we specialize in treating addiction and mental health issues in thesame setting and through a variety of programs. In our Veterans First Program, we treat veterans with co-occurring disorders through individual and group therapy, experiential therapy and trauma resolution. We alsoaddress the needs of executives and professionals who are struggling with substance use and mental healthconcerns in our Discovery Program. And our Intensive Outpatient Program includes relapse preventionservices, life skills training, process groups, and family group therapy sessions. Malvern Institute Malvern, PAP: (888) 309-5765, Website www.malverninstitute.com Distinction: Evidence Based Treatment, Smoking FacilityBeds: 80 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: Yes AverageStay: 30 Days Price: Call For More Info Treatment Focus: 90 Day Model of Care, Addiction, 12-Step ModelProgram at a glance: Founded in 1948, Malvern Institute continues to be a leader in the field of addictiontreatment. We provide state-of-the-art, evidencebased treatments, tailored to each individual, in a safe, sober,and compassionate environment. Malvern provides a full continuum of care that includes inpatientdetoxification, inpatient rehabilitation, partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient, and general outpatientprograms. At Malvern, we will guide you and your family by offering excellence in treatment as you begin theprocess to lifelong recovery. The 12-step approach to recovery is proven, effective, and an invaluable part ofour exceptional program at Malvern. Malvern Institute is located in historic Chester County, set in a one-of-a-kind, smalRown village in southeast Pennsylvania, approximately 18 miles west of Philadelphia. McCallumPlace Eating Disorders Treatment Center St. Louis, MO P: (877) 477-3052, Website www.McCallumPlace.comDistinction: Specialized eating disorder treatment center with additional programs for adolescents and athletesBeds: 12 Gender: Both Age: Adolescents &Adults Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Yes HospitalAffiliated: Yes Average Stay: No min. requirement, but patients typically benefit from 4-6 week intensivetreatment Price: Call for More Information Treatment Focus: Eating Disorders &Co-Occurring ConditionsProgram at a glance: McCallum Place is a Joint Commission-accredited, nationally recognized eating disorderstreatment center for both men and Our medical director and founder, Kimberli McCallum, MD, is board-certifiedin Child, Adolescent, and Adult General Psychiatry, and has been working with patients with eating disorders forover 20 years. McCallum Place provides the full of treatment, including care of co-occurring conditions andother medical issues. Our programs help individuals build confidence and skills necessary to let go of theirpatterns of restrictive or compulsive eating, purging, and exercise addiction. Both patients and families developalternative skills and coping mechanisms for behavioral change to last a lifetime. The Menninger ClinicHouston, TX P: (800) 351-9058, Website www.menningerclinic.com Distinction: Specializing in complex caseswith specialty programs for professionals, young adults, adolescents, and assessments and communityreintegration Beds: 120 Gender: Both Age: 12-17 and 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: YesHospital Affiliated: Yes Average Stay: 2 Weeks - 3 Months Price: $1,200 - $2,000 Per Day; call for detailsTreatment Focus: Co-Existing Mood, Personality, Anxiety, Trauma-Related and Addictive Disorders Program ata glance: The Menninger Clinic continues to be a national leader in providing transformational diagnosis andtreatment of adolescents and adults with severe psychiatric issues that may be complicated by addiction orother conditions. The staff focuses on improving the cornerstones of a patient's health - medically,psychologically, interpersonal^ and spiritually. The physician-led assessment and treatment team partners withthe patient to identify core issues that have impeded prior treatment and to launch personalized treatment.Before discharge, the patient and team develop a wellness plan to guide the recovery process. Our newhospital opened in May 2012, featuring a healing environment unlike any other. Admissions staff are available 8am-10 pm daily. Michael's House Palm Springs, CA P: (866) 972-0321, Website www.MichaelsHouse.comDistinction: Separate men's and women's centers, young adult and LGBT tracks Beds: 120 Gender: Both Age:

18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 30-90 Days Price: Mostmajor insurance accepted Treatment Focus: Addiction &Dual Diagnosis Program at a glance: Michael's Houseis a refuge of healing and recovery near Mount San Jacinto in Palm Springs, California. We specialize incooccurring disorders treatment and tailoring plans to meet each patient's needs. In our recent expansion, wewent from 60 beds to 120, with three locations: our Men's Center, Women's Center and Stabilization Center.The men's program emphasizes a strength-based skill set, and the women's program focuses on increasingresilience and self-esteem. We also have a unique and compassionate track that supports the recovery needsof the LGBT population. In addition, our Intensive Outpatient Program provides high-quality treatment in aflexible format for those beginning or continuing their recovery. Montcalm School Albion, MI P: (866) 246-9157,Website www.montcalmschool.org Distinction: Occupational therapy, sensory integration room, group/individualcounseling &life skill development Beds: 85 Gender: Both Age: Boys, 12-21; Girls, 12-18 Detox: No SlidingScale: No Insurance: No Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: N/A Price: $7,000 per Month for TherapeuticProgram, $8,500 per Month for Outside In (ASD Program) Treatment Focus: Therapeutic boarding school,autism spectrum disorders, structured transitional living Program at a glance: Montcalm School is a private,therapeutic boarding school located in Albion, Mich., and a program of Starr Commonwealth. At Montcalm, wesee the good in every child, which helps our students see the good in themselves. Our proven, strength-basedtreatment model focuses on each student's strong points and abilities while helping youth academically,behaviorally and socially. Montcalm offers a traditional therapeutic program for boys and girls, ages 12-18,Outside In, a program for boys and girls, ages 12-18, with autism spectrum disorders, and StructuredTransitional Living, a life skills program for boys ages 17-21. For more information on Montcalm School, visitwww.montcalmschool.org or call 800.837.5591. My New Life &Inner Growth Recovery Treatment CenterTarzana, CA P: (818) 519-5940, Website www.mynewlifeprogram.com Distinction: 5 to 1 Staff to Patient RatioBeds: 8 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No AverageStay: 90-110 Days Price: $12,000-$16,000 for 90-110 Days of Intensive Outpatient and Sober Living TreatmentFocus: Addiction, Dual Diagnosis, Chronic Relapse &Intervention Program at a glance: Two innovativeprograms providing comprehensive, compassionate and collaborative services for optimal and lasting treatmentsuccess that have been featured as one of the top 10 treatment centers in Los Angeles. In its efforts to provideimpeccable service, My New Life Treatment Center has partnered with Inner Growth Recovery, a sober livinghouse, located right next door. We offer numerous treatment approaches that include: CD counseling,psychotherapy, psych education group, neurofeedback, family group, life coaching, process group, art therapy,nutrition planning, yoga &alumni relapse prevention group. We bring a holistic integration of the western and theeastern approaches. Visit our website for more info at www.mynewlifeprogram.com. New Dawn TreatmentCenters San Francisco, Sausalito, &Roseville, CA P: (916) 604-8461, Website www.newdawnrecovery.comDistinction: Residential, Partial Hospitalization, and Intensive Outpatient Beds: San Francisco 10, Sausalito&Roseville 6 Gender: Both Age: Adolescents and Adults Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: Yes HospitalAffiliated: No Average Stay: 60-90 Days Price: $35,000 For 30 Day Residential Program Treatment Focus:Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating, Trauma, Depression &Anxiety Program at a glance: New Dawn has beenhelping thousands of individuals successfully recover for over 25 years. Our whole-person approach totreatment combines evidence-based ACT, DBT, and CBT groups with exposure to experiential therapies suchas Paddleboard Yoga, Equine-Assisted Therapy, Expressive Arts, Acupuncture, Dance/Movement, QiGong,and Mindfulness. All of our programs are internationally accredited, and led by experienced and compassionatelicensed Clinical Psychologists who are highly skilled in treating eating disorders, personality disorders andaddiction. Medical monitoring is also provided by our team of physicians, psychiatrists, registered nurses, andregistered dietitians to ensure that our clients are receiving the best care 24/7. Oceanside Counseling CenterOceanside, NY P: (516) 766-6283, Website www.oceansidecounselingcenter.com Distinction: One StaffMember to 12 Patients Beds: N/A Gender: Both Age: 13+ Detox: No Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: Yes

Hospital Affiliated: Yes Average Stay: 3-12 Months Price: Most Private Insurances, Medicaid, &MedicareAccepted Treatment Focus: Addiction and Dual Diagnosis Program at a glance: Oceanside Counseling Centerprovides an array of chemical dependence treatment services to individuals and their families who are impactedby the debilitating consequences of addiction and/or addiction in combination with mental health issues. Ourgoal is to improve the lives of our patients and to promote recovery from addiction regardless of the ability topay. Our services focus on patient choice and achievable outcomes. We believe that recovery emerges fromhope. We know that recovery is real and provides the motivating message of a better future. We believe thatpeople can and do overcome challenges and obstacles. Our services are provided by an interdisciplinary teamof qualified licensed healthcare professionals. Optimum Performance Institute Woodland Hills, CA P: (888) 548-4954, Website www.OPILiving.com Distinction: Combining Intensive Therapy with Real World AccomplishmentBeds: 3-Bedroom Apts. - 2 Beds Per Bedroom Gender: All Age: Young Adults 17-28 Detox: No Sliding Scale:No Insurance: Occasionally Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 3-9 Months Price: $47,700 for 84 DaysTreatment Focus: Bipolar, Failure to Launch, Asperger's, Dual Diagnosis and more Program at a glance:Accredited by the Joint Commission on the Accreditation of Hospital Organizations, OPI is one of the nation'spremier transition programs helping young adults 17-28 commit to finding a sense of balance and clear directionin their lives. Highly individualized, participants struggle with wide ranging issues: Dual diagnoses, LearningDisabilities, Anxiety, Depression, ADD/ ADHD, Asperger's Syndrome, Substance Abuse, Eating Disorders,PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, "Failure to Launch." We combine dynamic, behavioral, cognitive and dialectic therapieswith Eastern techniques while participants work with our Departments of Education, Career Development andothers to set short and long term goals, discovering a life worth living. Pasadena Recovery Center Pasadena,CA P: (866) 663-3030, Website www.pasadenarecoverycenter.com Distinction: Affordable Dual DiagnosisTreatment Center Beds: 98 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: No Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Yes HospitalAffiliated: No Average Stay: 60 Days Price: $9,000 for 30 Days Treatment Focus: Drug, Alcohol &DualDiagnosis Program at a glance: Pasadena Recovery Center is a 98-bed drug and alcohol treatment centerlocated in the charming historic district of Pasadena. Known for its 12-step based comprehensive treatmentprogram, Pasadena Recovery Center is dedicated to providing compassionate, comprehensive, and affordablecare to those suffering from chemical dependency. At Pasadena Recovery Center, our experienced anddedicated staff understands the disease of addiction and we're proud to offer lifesaving and life-changingtreatment at an extremely affordable cost. We also accept most medical insurance. The Pasadena RecoveryCenter's goal is to reintroduce sober individuals into society with the skills necessary to lead meaningful,productive lives. Promises Treatment Centers Mallbu, CA P: (800) 676-1629, Website www.promises.comDistinction: Very Small Staff to Patient Ratio, Luxury Environment Beds: 44 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: YesSliding Scale: Yes Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 31 Days Price: $24,000-$55,000Depending On Location Treatment Focus: Addiction, Depression/ Anxiety, Young Adult Program, Nutrition,Eastern Medicine Program at a glance: Promises Treatment Centers is the premier drug rehabilitation center insouthern California, with a luxury location in Malibu and a young adult program in West Los Angeles. A primedestination for those seeking the finest recovery experience, Promises is known for providing cutting-edgeaddiction treatment in one of the world's most inspiring settings. We use the latest therapies including EMDRand neurofeedback. Our Professionals Treatment Program in Santa Monica specializes in physicians and otherprofessionals. Promises is known for creating the Malibu Model(TM), which focuses on individual assessmentand treatment plans. A 96-hour Assessment and Stabilization program is also available in Malibu.Psychological Care and Healing (PCH) Treatment Center Los Angeles, CA P: (888) 743-7985, Websitewww.pchtreatment.com Distinction: Psychological treatment model with emphasis on psychotherapy andholistic care rather than medication Beds: 24 Primary, 8 Transitional &Day Treatment Gender: Both Age: 18-80Detox: Available Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Private Pay (Some Reimbursements) Hospital Affiliated: NoAverage Stay: 45-60 Days Price: Day Treatment: $7,200-$18,000 Per Month, Residence: $28,000 Per Month

Treatment Focus: Mood Disorders, Anxiety Disorders, Personality Disorders, Psychological Trauma, DualDiagnosis Program at a glance: PCH Treatment Center is a unique psychological treatment facility in LosAngeles, California providing a caring, safe and therapeutically intensive destination for healing. We treatdepression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, psychological trauma including PTSD, self-injury, personalitydisorders, emotional dysregulation and dual diagnosis, offering day treatment and live-in immersive programs.We also feature a family therapy program and comprehensive psychological assessment clinic. We represent anew paradigm in intensive psychological care utilizing up to five times per week individual psychotherapy, grouptherapies, neurofeedback and holistic activities such as meditation, yoga and intensive exercise. PsynergyPrograms Morgan Hill &Greenfield, CA P: (408) 412-7202, Website www.psynergy.org Distinction: Helpingindividuals move from acute settings and transition to supportive community living Beds: 116, Including PrivateStudios Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: No Sliding Scale: N/A Insurance: Private Pay (Some Reimbursements)Hospital Affiliated: N/A Average Stay: 45-120 Days Price: Main Residence $6,500-$10,000 per month, PrivateStudios $4,000-$5,000 per month Treatment Focus: Therapeutic Community for Persons with Mental Illness,Mood, Thought, Personality Disorders, Medical &Substance Abuse Problems Program at a glance: PsynergyPrograms, Inc. residences provide housing options for people with mental illness in a homelike setting withprofessional and caring support staff. We work with local hospitals Stanford, El Camino and Good Samaritanoffering placement options for clients who need additional support, while also providing families with therapy,hope, education, and housing options for their loved one. Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, we takeadvantage of one of the most desirable environments in the world. Outdoor activities, local produce transformedinto spa-level cuisine and fresh coastal air enhance recovery. Psynergy provides clinical services in atherapeutic setting, including an award-winning Equine Therapy program with Arabian horses. The RanchNunnelly, TN P: (800) 714-9412, Website www.recoveryranch.com Distinction: Working horse and cow ranchoffers unique environment Beds: 70 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: YesHospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 34 Days Price: $25,000 - $30,000 Treatment Focus: Addiction, Trauma,Depression, Eating Disorders, Love &Sex Addiction Program at a glance: Located on a 2,000-acre workinghorse and cattle ranch just outside Nashville, The Ranch provides highly effective, one-of-a-kind recoveryexperiences for men and women struggling with addiction, eating disorders, trauma, depression, or love/sexualaddiction. Scientific research is changing the course of addiction treatment. The Ranch is on the leading edge ofthis revolution, offering evidence-based treatment that utilizes the latest advances in the field to the benefit ofour clients, including equine therapy and EMDR. During the recovery process, we discover and address all ofthe issues that prevent clients from fulfilling their goals, including skills deficits, destructive patterns, and co-occurring disorders. Reconnect with Food® at Inner Door Center® Royal Oak, Mi P: (248) 987-0457, Websitewww.reconnectwithfood.com Distinction: First and only program that integrates all facets of Yoga and itsphilosophy in the entire treatment process Beds: Up to 15 Spaces Gender: Females and Males as appropriateAge: 14+ Detox: No Sliding Scale: Case by Case Basis Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: Adjunct medicaldirector on staff at local hospital if rapid transfer needed Average Stay: 7 Week Minimum Commitment Price:$30,000 for 7 week commitment if not accessing insurance Treatment Focus: Eating Disorders &Co-OccurringDisorders Program at a glance: Reconnect with Food· at Inner Door Center* has gained national attention dueto its distinctive approach to eating disorder treatment using evidence-based, mindful Yoga therapy uniquelyintegrated with traditional therapy. We are a licensed partial hospitalization program for eating disordertreatment and Joint Commission accredited. We also offer a ster>down intensive outpatient program withsupport groups and outpatient therapy for most psychological concerns. Individuals come from near and far toexperience our one-of-a-kind and effective program. Extended stay living is available for those who needhousing while in program. Come and experience what the eating disorder community is buzzing about.Professional development programs available. The Roanne Program Woodland Hills, CA P: (888) 997-2501,Website www.RoanneProgram.com Distinction: Transitional Program for BPD Males as well as Females Beds:

2-3 Bedroom Apts,. 2 beds per bedroom Gender: Both Age: 17-28 Detox: No Sliding Scale: No Insurance:Occasionally Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: 30-90 Days Price: $24,900 for 30 Days Treatment Focus:Borderline Traits, Borderline Personality Disorder, Co-Occurring Conditions, Mood Disorder Program at aglance: The struggle to reach independence is an enormous challenge for men and women 17-28 withdisorders of emotion regulation: Borderline Traits, Borderline Personality Disorder, Co-Occurring Conditions.Roanne Program, part of JCAHO-accredited Optimum Performance Institute, provides rapid stabilization andintensive training in Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Mindfulness in a 30-Day Immersion Phase. Then, thesetechniques for regulating emotion are internalized and reinforced in 30-Day Mobilization/ Integration Phaseswhere each Young Adult works with OPI Departments of Education, Career, Volunteer and Extra Curhcular tobreak habituated attachments to past suffering and skillfully address goals for the future. Rogers MemorialHospital Oconomowoc, WI P: (866) 372-4106, Website www.rogershospital.org Distinction: Highly Specialized,Age-Specific Evidence Based Treatment Beds: 110 Gender: Both Age: Children 8-12, Adolescents 12-18,Adults 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: Call for Information Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: Yes Average Stay:45-60 Days Price: Call for Information Treatment Focus: Addiction, Dual Diagnosis, Mood Disorders, EatingDisorders, OCD, Anxiety, Depression Program at a glance: Rogers' specialized programs are known for theireffectiveness in treating children, teens and adults with anxiety, mood, eating and substance use disorders. Wehave the expertise and experience found only in stand-alone, not for profit behavioral health hospitals. We useproven, evidence-based treatments coupled with strong patient and family education. Hospitals andprofessionals all over the nation trust our staff of more than 80 psychiatrists, physicians and psychologists withtheir toughest cases. Rogers has contracts with many health plans, allowing patients to keep out-of-pocketexpenses down. We create an environment where our patients and their families know what tomorrow will bring:Life. Worth. Living. Sierra Tucson Tucson, AZ P: (855) 341-8690, Website www.SierraTucson.com Distinction:Full-Time Medical and Clinical Staff Excel at Treating Co-occurring Disorders Beds: 139 Gender: Both Age: 18+Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: Yes Average Stay: 30-45 Days Price: Approx.$45,000 for 30 Days Treatment Focus: Addictions, Co-occurring Disorders, Eating Disorders, Mood &AnxietyDisorders, Pain Management, Trauma/PTSD Program at a glance: Since 1983... "Compassionate Care, ClinicalExcellence" Sierra Tucson is a world-renowned premier center for assessment and treatment of complex, co-occurring disorders. Our physician-led multidisciplinary team utilizes a holistic approach to provide anindividualized treatment plan for each patient. Treatment is research-informed and supported by an integrativesystem of neuropsychiatrie care for the emotional, physical, and spiritual healing of individuals and families.Located in the foothills near Tucson, Arizona, the 160-acre campus offers a natural healing environment and thehighest level of confidentiality. A member of CRC Health Group, Sierra Tucson is dually licensed and hasreceived dual accreditation by The Joint Commission. UCSD Eating Disorders Center for Treatment &ResearchLa JoIIa, CA P: (858) 534-8019, Website eatingdisorders.ucsd.edu Distinction: Highly experienced staff withspecialized training in Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Family Based Treatment Beds: 6 Inpatient MedicalStabilization Gender: Both Age: Adolescents &Adults Detox: No Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Yes HospitalAffiliated: Yes Average Stay: 30-90 Days Price: Varies Treatment Focus: Eating Disorders Program at a glance:UCSD EDC offers empirically supported Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient programs for adults,adolescents, males and females with Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa and ED NOS. UCSD also providesthe only five-day Intensive Family-Based Therapy program for families. For adolescents and young adultsrequiring medical stabilization, UCSD now offers inpatient medical treatment In partnership with Rady Children'sHospital. The primary treatment modality utilized in the adult programs is Dialectical Behavior Therapy.Adolescent programs are based on the Family-Based Therapy approach, providing support and therapeuticinterventions for the family as a whole. UCSD also offers housing options for patients from out of the area.Wellington Retreat West Palm Beach, FL P: (877) 935-5873, Website www.wellingtonretreat.com Distinction:On-staff Psychiatrist and Neurologist allow us to accept patients with high-end psychiatric diagnosis Beds: 60

Gender: Both Age: Adolescents Aged 13-17, Adults 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: Yes HospitalAffiliated: No Average Stay: 30-45 Days Price: $20,000 Per Month Treatment Focus: Drug Addiction, DualDiagnosis, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Alcoholism Program at a glance: Welcome to Wellington Retreatwhere we provide a comprehensive biopsychosocialspihtual treatment program incorporating servicesnecessary to treat both addiction and other neuropsychiatrie disorders. Wellington Retreat understands thateach individual has different needs. A comprehensive evaluation completed by the treatment team determinesthe overall treatment plan that is highly individualized. The treatment plan may include CBT,Psychopharmacology, EMDR, 12 Step Facilitation, Individual and Group Psychotherapy or MET. WellingtonRetreat is unique among the national treatment centers in that Dr. Robert A. Moran, ourneuropsychiatrist/addictionologist, directs the care of each individual patient from admission to discharge.Williamsville Wellness Hanover, VA P: (804) 577-1164, Website www.williamsvillewellness.com Distinction: 1:1Staff to Patients Beds: 16 Gender: Both Age: 18+ Detox: No Sliding Scale: No Insurance: Yes HospitalAffiliated: No Average Stay: 28 Days Price: $25,000 Treatment Focus: Alcohol, Drug and Gambling AddictionProgram at a glance: Nestled on 400 acres of beautiful Virginia countryside, Williamsville Wellness is one of themost innovative alcohol, drug and gambling residential treatment centers in the United States. Licensedspecifically for alcohol and gambling addiction, we address compulsive behaviors through an individualizedtreatment plan, helping you to recognize, understand and overcome the root causes of alcohol, drug andgambling disease and to develop the strength to lead a full life free from addiction. If you are tired of drug,gambling, or alcoholism effects in your life, or if you're observing signs of alcoholism in someone you love, callWilliamsville Wellness today. We'll help you take the right steps toward treatment and recovery.

_______________________________________________________________ Document 34 of 34 Missed Connections Author: Gambrell, Dorothy Publication info: Psychology Today 46. 1 (Jan/Feb 2013): 112.ProQuest document link Full Text: _TVM:UNDEFINED_

_______________________________________________________________ Contact ProQuest Copyright 2012 ProQuest LLC. All rights reserved. - Terms and Conditions