SOUNDSFROMANOTHERROOM

SOUNDSFROMANOTHERROOM

byPETERHORSLEY

FirstpublishedinGreatBritainin1997byLEOCOOPERanimprintof

Pen&SwordBooksLtd47ChurchStreet

BarnsleySouthYorkshire

S702AS

©PeterHorsley

ISBN0850525810

AcataloguerecordforthisbookisavailablefromtheBritishLibrary

PrintedinEnglandbyRedwoodBooks,Trowbridge,Wiltshire

ToANNIE

MyLong-SufferingWife

Contents

Acknowledgements Foreword1. TheClinic2. AMiserableStart3. EscapetoSea4. TheRoyalAirForce5. BeforeTheStorm6. TheStorm7. Voices8. TheRoadAhead9. AStatelyRoom10. Visitors11. TheCorridorsofPower12. CaughtinaWeb13. TheBeginningoftheEnd Index

AcknowledgementsThe author wishes to acknowledge the help of his wife, Annie, with the editing; hissecretary,MaryChurcher,forallthemanyhoursoftyping;LeoCooperofPen&SwordBooksLimited for all his kindness and patience; SirRanulph Fiennes andBloomsburyPublishing Limited for their generous agreement for the use of the extract from TheFeatherMen;ThisEnglandMagazinefortheirpermissiontoreproducethepoembyJohnMagee; David Higham Associates for permission to publish John Pudney’s poem‘Breakfast’,andfinallyhisluckystarsforhavinglivedthroughitall.

ForewordLong introductions are tedious to reader andwriter alike so thisForeword is short.Mystory is not the traditional saga of someminormilitary figure; it recounts a number ofseparateevents,eachtrueandofsuchintensityatthetimethattheyalteredthepatternofmylifethereafter,likecoralpolypsshapingareef.

IliketocompareittoahousewhosemainroomsaretheeventsIshalldescribeandthecorridorsbetweenbutthepassageoftime.Theroomsthemselvesareofsuchvarietytheymighthavebeendesignedbydifferentarchitectsandwitheachfurnishedinthestyleofitsimmediatetenants.

Thereisamysteryaboutthehouse,foronoccasionstherewouldappeartobeahousewithinahouse,onelivinginthepresent,theotherinaparalleltimeanddimension.Thewhispersandsoundsoftheotheroccupantssometimesbreakthroughfromtherecessesofa distant and unknown room, though message and messengers remain tantalizinglyelusive.

Both style and time may at times seem confusing but there is a reason for this.Orphaned early, I was a lonely child, often thrown back on my own resources andimagination.Withnoonecloseenough towhomIcould revealmy innermost secrets, Ibecame a compulsive scribbler, and remain one. So the book is a mixture of what Iactually wrote at the time and what I have written since, from diaries and notes. Forexample,myschooldiariesarewrittenexactlyastheywereatthetimeand‘TheStorm’waswrittenshortlyaftertheevent.

JusttenyearsagoIwasinvolvedinaveryseriousaccidentwhich,atthetime,seemedto have been caused by somequite inexplicablemalfunction ofmy car.As I lay at theroadside,notfarfromdeath,thewholestoryofmylifepassedinfrontofme,likeafilmthatwasmadlyoutofcontrol.

AmostremarkableexplanationofthecauseofthataccidentwaslaterprovidedbySirRanulphFiennesinhisbookTheFeatherMen.ItappearsthatIwastheinnocenttoolofaterroristgangwhohaddecidedtousemycarasamurderweapon.AformerofficerintheSpecialAirService,SirRanulphisveryfamiliarwiththeshadowyworldofterrorismandIhaveno reason tochallenge the factsashegives them,even thoughseveralquestionsremain unanswered. As it was this extraordinary and devastating experience whichtriggeredtheideabehindthisbookofmine,hehasverykindlyallowedmetoreproducethatstoryasmyopeningchapter.

1

TheClinic*Ithappenedalongtimeagoinafaroffdesertcountry.ThefoursonsofSheikAmarBinIssawerekilledinanambushintheSouthYemenbyBritishforces.TheSheiksworeanoathofrevengeonhissons’killers.

‘TheClinic’wereaEuropeangangofruthlesshiredassassinswhobandedtogethertokill for money. The Sheik finally met the leader of the gang in Dubai and took out acontractonhissons’killers–amilliondollarsdownpayment,andafurthermilliondollarsforeachoffourfilmsprovingtheassassinations;onestipulationofthecontractwasthatthedeathswere to appear accidental, arousingno suspicionsofmurder in themindsofrelationsorfriends.

‘TheFeatherMen’wereaBritishgroup–featherbecausetheir touchwaslight.Theytook into their grasp crimeswhichwerebeyond thepowersof theordinarypolice.TheFeatherMen relentlessly pursued the IRA in Northern Ireland, moving silently againstthosememberswhohadescapedthehandsofthelawthroughlackofevidence.TheyalsotookundertheirwingthefamiliesoftheSAS[SpecialAirService]andestablishedabodyof watchdogs to look after their interests. The Feather Men were controlled by acommittee† of senior establishment figures under the chairmanship of Colonel TommyMacintosh.

So far the Clinic had fulfilled half their contract by ‘arranging’ the deaths ofSuperintendent JohnMilling,a formerMarine,andapoliceofficer in theOmaniPoliceAirWing in a helicopter ‘air accident’ by tamperingwith the pilot’s collective controllever. After an unequal aerodynamic battle, the helicopter plunged into the sea, killingJohnMilling.Theyhad then settled the fateofMajorMikeKealy,SpecialAirService,whodiedof‘exposure’ inaclimbingaccident intheBreconBeacons.HewasleadingabatchofSAStraineesonaforcedmarchinatrociousweatherconditionswhenhebecameseparatedfromhischarges.Kealywasthenambushedbythegangwhodruggedhimandlefthimtodieonthemountaininthecoldandswirlingfog.LaterontheywoulddealwithCorporal‘Mac’,thelastofthefour,andevenattackedRanulphFienneshimselfclosetohisExmoorFarm.HewasonlyrescuedbytheinterventionoftheFeatherMenwhohadbeenwatchingthegangastheycircledhisfarm.

TheClinicnowturnedtheirattentiontoMajorMichaelMarman.TheyhadbrokenintoMarman’s Clapham homewhile he was out shopping and had photographed his diary.Duringtheirescape,however,theywererecognizedbyamemberoftheFeatherMenwhohadbeenwatchingtheirunlawfulactivitiesforsometime.MikeMarmanwasimmediatelywarned thathewason theClinic’shit listasa formermemberof theSultanofOman’sArmed Forces. The Feather Men meanwhile arranged for John Smythe, an activewatchdog, and a team of local volunteers to mount a round-the-clock surveillance ofMarman.

TheClinic had then to decide how to dispose ofMajorMarman.After considerableargumentbetweenmembersofthegang,itwasdecidedtodispatchhiminaroadaccident.Meier, the technical member, had already perfected the ‘Boston brakes’ method in

America.Thisinvolvedfittingasophisticateddevicetothebrakesofaleadcar,controlledby radio from a following car and steering it into the victim’s vehicle travelling in theopposite direction. It hadworked before in the States andMeier saw no reasonwhy itshouldnotworkagain.

WhileMeier’stechnicalskillwasundeniable,thegangrecruitedanothermember,Jake,ageniuswithcarsandunethicaldevices.ThegangleasedanolddisusedairstripinKentandbegantoassemblethenecessarytoolsandequipmenttomodifythebrakesoftheleadcar.Theplanbegantotakeshape.First,Marmanhadtobecaughtaloneonanopenroad.‘Itislucky,’saidMeier,‘thatMarman’scarisaverysmallCitroen2CVwhichwillcrackopenlikeaneggwhenitishit.’Adaywellaheadwaschosen,afterastudyofMarman’sdiary andmaps, Tuesday, 11November, whenMarmanwas due to visit an old friend,GeneralRobinBrockbank,atSteepleLangfordinWiltshire.‘Heshouldbedrivingbackafter lunchalongtheA303atabout3.15pmintimetoreachhishouseinClaphamjustbeforedark.Ifweallowhimanaveragespeedoffifty-fivemilesperhour,hewillbe,’saidMeier pointing to the map, ‘somewhere along this dual carriageway betweenWinterbourne Stoke and Popham. If this plan does not work the first time, we willcontinuetolookforasuitabletimeandplaceuntilitdoes.’

‘Allweneednow,’Meiercontinued,‘istofindadriverwhoisscheduledtoheadwestonthatsamestretchatabout3.30p.m.–thatshouldnotbetoodifficult,sincetheA303isthe main arterial road between London and Plymouth. What sort of person uses thatroute?’ Meier asked and then answered the question himself, ‘A representative of acompanywithofficesinbothplaces.’‘Doyouremember,’Meierwenton‘thatHovercraftweboughtfromMLSlingsbylastyearforthatsmugglingjob?IhavediscoveredthattheHoldingCompany owns a subsidiary,MLEngineering, in Plymouth and after a lot ofresearch, I have also foundout thatMLHoldings are having amainboardmeeting inPlymouth on the morning of 12 November. I have looked at a number of alternativecompanies and for one reason or another have discounted them. Here is a list of fournonexecutive directors who will attend the meeting. I have picked out the most likelycandidate,SirPeterHorsley,wholivesatHoughton,nearStockbridge,andislikelytousetheA303onhisjourneytoPlymouth,soJakeandIwillpayhimalittlevisit.’

ShortlyafterthismeetingJakeandMeierquietlybrokeintoSirPeter’sofficeaboveagarageclosetothehouseinthedeadofnight.Theyfoundhisdiaryopenonhisdeskandittookonlyafewminutestophotographtherelevantpagesbeforetheyleftagain,makingsurethattherewerenotracesoftheirvisit.Onthewayouttheypassedanopengarage.TheywentinandfoundalargesalooncarandJakemadeaquickinspectionofit,aBMW728iautomatic,registration3545PH,MichelinXVtyres.Thiswasundoubtedlytheidealcarfortheirpurposes.

Thetworeturnedtothedisusedairstripandthenextdaytheypurchasedasecond-handBMW728iand twotargetpracticecars;Jakefitted thecontrolsystemto theBMWandrehearsalsbeganinearnest.ItwasdecidedthatMeierandJakeshouldfollowtheBMWandDeVilliers,anothermemberofthegang,wouldfollowMarman’s2CV.Allwasnowset.Theyperfectedtheequipmentandproceduresjusttwodaysbeforethetargetdate.

OnthenightofMonday,10November,fivemembersofthegangassembledoutsideSirPeter’s secludedVictorian house in the village ofHoughton. Three remained onwatch

while Jake and Meier began the work of fixing the apparatus to the BMW’s brakingsystem,makingsurethatitcouldbeeasilydetachedaftertheaccident.Ittookalittletimebuteventuallytheyweresatisfiedwiththeirwork.MeierknewfromexperiencethatoncehehadtakenoverthecontrolofHorsley’scar,hecouldsteeritashepleased.IfHorsleysurvivedthecrash,allhecouldsaywasthathiscarhadnotobeyedhissteeringinstructionandhadgoneoutofcontrol;hewouldhavenoreasontosuspectthathisbrakeshadbeentamperedwith.

MeierandJakepositionedthemselvesinthelaneoutsideHorsley’shouseonTuesdaymorning ready to follow himwhen he left for Plymouth. Their victim came out of hishouseatexactly2.30p.m.and,unawareofthedramatobeplayedahead,gotintohiscarand drove away. Meier and Jake slotted in behind him at a comfortable distance andfollowedhimdiscreetlyontotheA303.

Smythe,whohadfollowedMarmantoSteepleLangfordandthen,afterlunch,downtheA303,soonbecameawareofawhiteFordEscortdrivenbyDeVilliersthatsiphonedinbehind Marman’s small Citroen. Before Meier and Jake reached the Amesburyroundabout, the voice ofDeVilliers broke in on the CB radio: ‘2CVmaking a steadyseventymilesperhour.HasjustpassedtheA360turn-off.’Meierconsultedthecalculatorand reckoned thatMarmanwould be driving down the dual carriageway in about threeminutes. TheVolvo accelerated to a position just behindHorsley andMeier turned hisspecialradioequipmenttothe‘on’position.DeVilliers’voicecameoveragain.‘Onecarbehindme otherwise clear ahead.Activate the brake device any time now.’Meier tookoverHorsley’scarandthegyrationsbegan;hesteeredtheBMWacrossthecentreofthereservation into the path of Marman’s approaching car and then accelerated past thedisappearingBMW.Jakepulledupaboutfivehundredyardsfurtheronandtheybothgotoutof theVolvo in time tosee thedeath throesof the twocars.They thendroveoff tomaketherendezvousinAndoverwithDeVilliers.

DeVilliershadinthemeantimewatchedHorsleybeingtakenoffintheambulanceandwaitedfor the twowreckedcars tobe transportedtoagarageclose toAmesburybeforedrivingontoAndovertomeettherestofthegang.ThatnighttwomembersofTheClinicbrokeintothegarageandquicklyremovedalltheapparatusfromHorsley’scar.

Thepolicearrivedthefollowingmorningandtheirlimitedinspectionsrevealednothingtechnicallywrongwitheitherof the twocars.Theydidnothave the slightest suspicionthattheyhadbeenduped.

*ThischapteristakenfromTheFeatherMenbyRanulphFiennes(BloomsburyPublishingLimited)†ItwasthiscommitteethatapproachedRanulphFiennestowritetheirstory.

2

AMiserableStartOnenteringthefrontdoorofmyhouseIwasfacedbythehall,darkandthreatening

withoddpiecesoffurniturescatteredaroundinanappallingmuddle.

Iwasbornin1921inoneofthegranderhousesinWestHartlepooltoawealthyfamilyoftimbermerchants and shipowners.WestHartlepoolmaynotbeverywellknown todaybutahundredyearsagoitwasatownofsomeimportance.Durhamwasoncedescribedasalumpofcoalwithamillionandahalfpeopleclingingtoit;inthelastcenturytherewereonehundredandfiftypitsandfifty-eightironoreworksandblastfurnacesinthecounty.Allthisindustryrequiredconstruction,communicationsandalargeporttosupportit.MyfamilyexploitedallthreewithtimbertopropupthecoalfacesandshipstocarrythecoalthroughtheportofWestHartlepool.

Myforebearswereseafarerswhointhedriveoftheindustrialrevolutionbecameearlyentrepreneurs. The school song of theRoyalGrammar School atNewcastle-upon-Tynerecordstheirrise:

Horsley,amerchant-venturerboldOfgoodNorthumbrianstrain,Foundedourrule,andbuiltourSchoolInbluffKingHarry’sreign;Longshallhisnameoldtimedefy,LikethecastlegrimthatstandsFour-squaretoev’rywindthatblowsInourstormyNorthernlands.

‘Fortiterdefendittriumphans.’

Myparentslivedthelifeoftheveryrichwithcars,servantsandlongboutsoftravellingintheMiddleEastandEurope.Inbetweentimesmymothermanagedtobearsevenchildrenbeginningwithmyeldestbrother,Terence, in1904and finishingoffwithmyself,asanafterthought, in 1921.Wewere reared almost exclusively byNannyThomas, a lady ofgreat loyalty, authority and affection, aided by a succession of governesses andnurserymaids,andonlyparadedbeforemyparentsonspecialoccasions.

My father was a junior partner in the family business; he was a fine athlete andsportsman,acompetentpainterandauthorofseveraltravelbooks.Mymotherwasatall,handsomewomanofconsiderableartisticandmusicalabilityandanaccomplishedangleras well. They must have made a striking couple as they travelled around the world,talentedandrich. Ihavewritten this innospiritofboastfulnessbut rather togivesomeyardstickagainstwhichtomeasurethedepthsoftheblackholethatawaitedme.

DuringtheGreatWarthefamilyfortunesgrew,sustainedbyGovernmentcontractsforpit props and ships. Whether it was the excitement of the war or the ambitions of ayounger son to prove that hewas as good a businessman or better than his elders,my

fatherbegan to speculate in anumberof riskyventures.Like somany speculatorsbothbeforeandsince,hedidnotneedthemoney,as thefamilybusinessprovidedmorethanenoughtosustaintheirsubstantiallifestyle.

***

I was christened Beresford Peter Torrington. My given names provided a source ofembarrassment for the rest of my life; they certainly did not match my subsequentpoverty-strickenyouth.FromthetimeIwasabletoimpressmywilluponothersIinsistedon the Christian name of Peter. Unfortunately, institutions require knowledge of suchnamessothatattheDragonSchool,mypreparatoryschoolinOxford,IwasatfirstcalledBeresford,shortenedtoBerry,untilIfoughtmywaybacktoPeteragain.Thislasteduntil,yearslater,theAirMinistrypubliclyannouncedtheappointmentasEquerrytoHRHThePrincess Elizabeth and Duke of Edinburgh of Flight Lieutenant Beresford Horsley;althoughmyfriendsstillcalledmePeter,theBeresfordstuckwithmelikealeechuntilIleftthePalaceasaWingCommandersomeyearslater.ThefinalinjurywasinflictedwhenIwasknightedandaskedwhether Iwished tobedubbedSirBeresford.Thisbrought alovelythought–‘BadSirBeresford’–butIgrimlystucktoPeter.

***

Theinevitablecrashoccurredin1922whenthewholefamilyedificecollapsed.Myeldestbrother,Terence,returningfromRugbySchoolfoundmyfatherinthestablesatthebackof our house, dead from a gunshot wound. He was still only forty-two. My earliestmemorieswereof familydiscordand insecurity.Unpleasant eventsoccurred towhich Iwasnotparty,yetIwasawareofthegreatunhappinesstheycausedtothoseclosesttome.It seemedat the time thateverything Icared foror trustedwas removed.Following thecrash, the elders of our tribe closed ranks and bought off any scandal by settling myfather’shugedebts.Thegunshotwoundwasputdowntoanaccident.Thecarsweresoldandtheservants,exceptforNanny,weredismissed.TerencewasmadetoleaveRugbybuttherestofmybrotherswereallowedtostayonat theirpublicschools.Thefamilywerepaid offwith an allowance of two thousand pounds per year, a generous sum in thosedays,providedthatweallleftWestHartlepool,nevertoreturn.

A small suburban housewas purchased inNewcastle-upon-Tyne andwe all crowdedinto it,mymother by this time a sickwoman,whose unhappiness had pushed her intodrinking toomuch, togetherwithNanny, four large and boisterous boys, two girls andfinallyasmallboy,myself.44SandersonRoadwasatall,narrowterracehousenexttoavicarageintheveryrespectablebackwatersuburbofNewcastlecalledJesmond.Thevicarandourimmediateneighboursmusthavebeenastonishedatthearrivalofourcircusinafleetoftaxis,deliveringalltheaboveplusthreePekineseandagreatassortmentofboxesand trunks(mymothercouldnevergetoutof thehabitof travelling in thegrandstyle).The housewas furnishedwith pieces salvaged from the pastwhichwere totally out ofplaceinsuchsurroundings.

Bynowmymotherseldomleftherbedexcepttobetakenouttwoorthreetimesaweekinanover-sizedbathchairwheeledbyahiredman.Ilookedforwardtotheseexcursionsandcanstillsavourtheexquisitescentofmymother’sexpensivefurs.OnsuchoccasionsIwasplacedin thefootof thebathchaironafurrug,curledupwith the threePekinese

who from time to timewould jump out and lap the chair, yapping and barking, beforejumping back on again. Thus this extraordinary procession proceeded down SandersonRoad intoAcornRoadwith its few shops,watched bymany curious eyes frombehindtheir suburbancurtains; it is littlewonder thatparentswouldnotallow theirchildren toplaywithme,andourhousewasofflimitstothem.

Thewoodengarage,attherearofthehouseandbackingontoalane,containedalargesquareuprightAustin.Thiswasonlywheeledoutonceayear,forourannualholidayattheseaside.Ibelievethisannualoutingwasanimportantsymboltomymotherofherwilltokeepus togetherasa family.Ahousewas rentedon the frontatCullercoats,a smallfishingvillagebetweenTynemouthandWhitleyBay.

The Austin was packed with every conceivable item of luggage, and together withbodiesandanimalswesetoffwithmyself,NannyandthePekineseinthefrontseatandmymotherdriving.Theshortjourneytothecoastwasextremelyhazardous,accompaniedby the shouts of iratemotorists and gesticulating pedestrians, asmymother had only averyrudimentaryideaofthegearsandbrakesandabsolutelynoideawhateveroftherulesoftheroad.Fortunately,shewascompletelyoblivioustotrafficlights.

These holidays were my most treasured memories. Paddling with Nanny in theshallows,donkeyridesatTyne-mouth,chippinglimpetsoffthesideofthequayforbait,followed by delicious fishing expeditions in a brightly coloured boat hired for theafternoon, baiting hooks, and the excitement of pulling in the strugglingmackerel andwhiting.

ShortlyafterarrivinginJesmondIwasintroducedintothelocalconventschool.Well-groomedanddressedinasailorsuitwhichmymother thoughtproper to theoccasion,IwasescorteddailytothisestablishmentattheendofOsborneRoad.InthisgarbIbecamea figure of great merriment to the other children, but soon earned their respect andadmirationbyconcealingwhitemiceundermyamplenauticalcollar.Thiswouldfinallycausemyrapidexpulsionwhenonedaythemice,nowswolleninnumbers,jumpedshipandsoonhadthenunsscuttlingaboutclutchingtheirskirts,shriekingandseekingrefugeonchairsanddesks.MysailorsuitwasthankfullyconsignedtothedustbinandIwassentinsteadtoasmalldayschoolcalledAckhurstswherethedisciplineandsupervisionwereagooddealstricter.

Thisperiodoforderandcontentmentwasnottocontinueforverylongbeforemyfirstpropwas knocked away;Nanny,who had beenwith the family for over twenty years,suddenlydeparted.Shewas thereoneminuteandgone thenext.WhetherherdeparturewasduetoalackofmoneyoraclashwithmymotherIneverlearned,althoughIsuspectthe latter since in West Hartlepool Nanny had been used to her own establishment,whereasinSandersonRoadtherewasonlyovercrowding.

Atanyrate,shewenttoworkforanotherfineoldfamilyfromourpast, thePlacesofNorthallerton.OccasionallyIwaspermittedtogoandvisitherandwassoonmadeawareofthedifferenceinmystatus.Irarelysawtheparents,onlyNanny,thechildrenandtheservants;duringthesevisitsIwastreatedwithkindnessandputsomewhereinthemiddleofthenurseryhierarchy–belowthechildrenofthehousebutabovetheservants;thiswasmyfirstintroductiontothesocialpeckingorderandIlearnedthemeaningofpride.

***

Iwasnearlysixwhenthesecondandmainpropinmylifefollowedthefirstandtheroofcavedin.OneearlymorningIwaswokenupbymyeldestbrotherandtoldthatinsteadofgoingtoschoolthatdayIwastogoandstayatWhittonGrange,afamilyfriend’scountryhouse at Rothbury. No. 44 Sanderson Road was uncannily quiet and I had a dreadfulfeelingofforeboding,althoughatthesametimegladlyacceptingtheofferoftruancyfromschool. When the Watsons’ car and chauffeur arrived, I asked to say goodbye to mymotherbutwastoldshewastoosicktoseeme.Ihadnotseenverymuchofherrecentlysinceshehadprogressivelyspentmoretimeinbedandlessinherbathchair.

SometendayslaterIwasreturnedtoSandersonRoadbythesamechauffeur-drivencartobeinformedthatmymotherhadgoneawaytostaywithNannyanditwasleft totheboynextdoortotellmethebrutaltruthashestuckhistongueoutandshoutedoverthewall,‘Yah,yourMum’sdead.’Noneofmyfamilyeverreferredtoheragain,howshediedorwhereshewasburied,andIneverasked.WhileIhadNannyandmymotheralivetheotheroccupantsofthehousewererathershadowyfigures;withherdeath,theybegantofocusmuchmoresharply.

Suddenly my eldest brother, Terence, became the dominant figure in the household.Whilemymotherlived,thefamilysomehowheldtogetherasaunit,butonherdeathallrestrictionswere removedandwe reverted tobecoming individuals–Terence, the threeboys aged twenty-four, twenty-one and nineteeen respectively,my sisters aged thirteenand ten and, well down the pecking order, my six-year-old self. The boys were big,boisterousandstrong,sothehousebecameabattlegroundforthebestbed,thefirstbathand the finalpieceof toastatbreakfast.Thehouse itselfchangedcharacter.Mymotherhad had her own bedroom and the drawing room next door as her sitting room, andTerence,nowverymuchheadofthefamilyoccupiedalargestudyonthegroundfloor.Alltherestofus, includingNanny,hadseemed to fit inquitecomfortably in theremainingspace.Strangelyenough,whenmymotherdiedthehouseseemedtogetsmallerandtherewas less rather thanmore room – possibly because, with the restrictions removed,mybrothersandsistersbegantofillthehousewiththeirfriends.

Myeldestsisterattemptedtomanagethehousekeepingwithanimpressiveportfolioofenvelopesallmarkedwiththeappropriatetradesman–greengrocer,butcherandsoforthandmoneywasswitchedfromonetotheotheraccordingtotheparticularcrisisofthedayandsubstitutedwithpaperIOUs.Ineverfailedtobeimpressedbythisfirstintroductiontohigh finance. She was aided in looking after the house by a succession of hard-facedhousekeepers,paidonlyenoughtobecivilbutnotenoughtostopthemterrorizingasmallboy if the occasion arose.According to the state of the envelopeswe sometimes had aliving-inmaidaswell.

***

YearsafterwardsIbegantocomprehendmyeldestbrother’sdifficulties.Onmyfather’sdeath he had been forced to leaveRugby and assume his position asmale head of thefamilyunderextremelyunpleasantcircumstances,salvagingwhathecouldfromthemessand finallymovingus fromWestHartlepool toNewcastlewhile the restofhisbrotherscontinued their education.With thedeathofourmother, hewas really thrown in at the

deependatanagewhenallhisenergiesshouldhavebeendirectedintohisowncareerandinterests.Hewaspre-castintherôleofvillain,arôlewhichhefilledverysuccessfully.

Althoughwealllivedinthesamehouse,Terencemanagedtoisolatehimselffromtheday-to-day problems and the study became his private domain from which he ruledautocratically.Myotherbrothersandsisterswere,nodoubt,unrulyandwithouthimtherewould have been no discipline at all; evenwith him, therewas not verymuch. Peoplecameinandoutofthehouseatwill,andmealswereirregular;toanoutsideritmusthaveappearedlikeaprideofcubsbereftoftheirelders,quarrellingoverthescraps.Ilearnedtheartofsurvivalbykeepingoutoftheway;thestudyanditsoccupantwerethecentreofmyfear.IfIwascaughtdoingsomethingwrongIwassummonedtothestudyandjusticewasadministeredonthespot–abeatingeitherwithanivoryridingswitchwithanornategoldenhandlewhichhungonthestudywall,nodoubta trophymyparentshadbroughtbackfromtheirtravels,orevenmorelethal,withanépéewhichresidedinanelephant’sfootinthehallalongsideanassortmentofwalkingsticks.

My brother knew exactly how hard he could beat me without inflicting any lastingdamage,anartprobablylearnedasaprefectatRugby.Idiscoveredtheimportanceofnotstiflingtears;cryingindicatedtohimthatIhadabsorbedthelessonandhadsubmittedtohiswill.Mysistersoccasionallystuckupformeandwereoftenbeatenaswellfortheirtrouble. However, provided I kept to the basic rules and stayed out of his way I wasconvenientlyforgotten.

Ihadnoneoftheusualchildren’stoyssuchassoldiers,trainsandsoontoplaywithandthe peculiar circumstances of our household had not encouraged themakingof friends.MoreandmoreItooktothestreetsandmygameswereextremelysophisticated;Ibecamean explorer and the back streets of Newcastle, derelict sites and old empty housesmyterritory.Iclimbednearlyeverywallandroofinourstreetandtheresultsoftheseforayswerebothdangerousandpainful.OftenIwouldreturnhomewithtornclothesandbrokenskintobedulybeaten.

WhatfriendsImadewerepickedupcasuallyinthecourseofmywanderingsandtheywereusuallystreeturchins.UrchinisnotsuchacommonwordnowasitwasthenandIstillrecallpeeringthroughtherailingsofthelocalcouncilschoolandwatchingtheyoungchildrenofaboutmyownagerompingintheplayground.ThedifferencewasthatIhadshoesandstockingswhilemanyofthemwerebarefooted.OccasionallyIwaspickedupandjoinedagangroamingthestreets terrorizingtheshopkeepers,but thiswasalwaysaverytemporaryliaison.

Not long after mymother’s death the curtain rose on a new act, heralded by secretconferences betweenmy brothers fromwhich Iwas firmly excluded, clearly indicatingthatIwastheobjectoftheirconspiracy.Thedesirabilityofsendingmeawaytoboardingschoolhadneverbeenindoubt,onlythemeansofpayingfor it.Somehowabenefactorwas found, negotiations with the school concluded, and soon I was informed that theDragon School, Oxford, had accepted me as a pupil. I suspect the fact that my fourbrothershadbeenalreadytotheschoolhelpedthesituation.

***

TheDragon Schoolwas essentially a civilized place, in contrast toWellingtonCollege

where Iwent later. Itwasamixed schoolwhereearly in itshistorygirlswon the samerightsasboys;itfosteredacollectivespiritbringingoutthebestinwork,playandthearts.Iwaskittedoutwith theveryminimum requiredby the school clothing list,whichmyelder sisterpacked intoanancient family trunkwhose lockshad longsince fallenapartandwhichwasnowsecuredwithanoldropewashingline.Mysister,whoatthetimewasnomorethanfifteenorsixteenyearsoldandaboutthesameproportionsasmyself,couldnotresistborrowingthemoredesirableitemsofclothingforherownuse;shewaspassingthroughayachtingphaseandmywhiteflannelsandcricketshirtsdisappearedalmostassoonastheywerepurchased.Tomakeupweightandvolumeitwasnecessarytoballastthe trunk, and I could easily arrivebackat schoolwith amotleycollectionofoldbras,pantsandvests,muchtotheembarrassmentofbothmatronandmyself.

With the advent of boarding school, I underwent a complete metamorphosis ofbehaviourandcharacter.UntilthenIhadlivedandsurvivedinalargelyadultworld.Whatcompanions I hadmade ofmy own agewere acquaintances of themoment, picked upcasuallyoffthestreets,whosegameswererough,physicalandgenerallyanti-social.Therewas little inmyhome toattractboysofmyownbackground,andeven if Imanaged tosmuggle them through the front door their subsequent discovery and reception was sohostile that our house was soon blacklisted. At boarding school this mould had to beturnedinsideoutasInowhadtoadaptmyselfveryrapidlytoachildren’ssocietywithacompletelydifferentsetofrulesandcodeofbehaviour.Awholenewterritoryoftoysandgames opened up and I quickly discovered an appetite for possessions such as modeltrainsandleadsoldiers,thelikeofwhichIhadnotcomeacrossbefore.

ItwasnotlongbeforeIbegantoenjoythesettledandsecureroutineatboardingschool,somuchsothatthenormalschoolboys’attitudetoitbecamereversed.Ilookedforwardtoreturningtoschoolaftertheholidaysandviewedtheapproachoftheholidayswithdread.ToavoidraggingitwasimportanttoconformtothepatternsoIlearnedtobeextremelysecretive aboutmyhome life.To explain the lack of letters, food parcels and visitors Iinvented a guardian who lived in India and whom I saw only very infrequently. Thisappeared to satisfymy cronies but also earnedme a considerable amount of sympathy,indeed,somuchthatIbecameverypopularasaspareboy,alwaysavailabletobetakenout to lunch (therewas nothingworse at school than failure to produce a friend at theappropriatetime)byvisitingparentsorinvitedhomeforaweekintheholidays.

DuringtheholidaysTerenceleftmemoreandmorealone,althoughIwasnotentirelyfree from assaults upon my person and dignity. However, he was discovering theeffectivenessof the latter and foronepunishment Iwasdespatchedback to theDragonSchool without any pocket money at all, and even now I cringe at the humiliation ofhavingtoconfesstothemasterinchargethatIhadnocashtohandinandthenbeinglentashillingbyhimtolastmetheterm.Tobeanorphanwasbadenough,tobeapooronewasawful.

Boardingschoolintroducedmetoitsownpeculiaractivities,thefiercestofwhichwerecoldbathsandorganizedgames,bothprobablyinstitutedforthesamepurposeofdampingtheardourofyoungmalespiritsandbodies.Therewasanalmostanimal ferocityaboutthewaywewererudelyawakenedfrominnocentsleepanddrivenlikesheepintotheice-colddipofa large lead-lined trough in theschoolhouse,as though tocleanseanydirty

thoughtslurkingunderthebedclothes.

Dirtythoughtswerenotentirelydrivenfrommymind.Myfirstinitiationwithrawsexwaswithoneofthesuccessionofmaids,sincewagesoftenshillingsaweekdidnotbuytheir loyalty forvery long.Shewasnot abadgirl, about seventeenyearsold, from thecountry, with a red face and large hands chapped and ingrained from endless treks tofrozencoalcellars.Oneeveningwhentherestofmyfamilywereout,shecameintomyroomwithasetexpressiononherface,satonthebedandsilentlyslidherhandunderthebedclothes to hold and fondle my penis. In retrospect I suspect she had acquired aboyfriend andwanted to find outwhat amale organwas like.Thewhole exercisewasconductedin totalsilenceexceptforaquickeningofherbreathingbut thepoorcreaturecouldnothavelearnedmuchsincemymemberwasstillfartooyoungtorise;neverthelessIrememberitasanotunpleasantfeeling.

Thisfirstbrushwithsexledtomysecondandthistimewithamemberofmyownsex.DuringmyfirstyearattheDragonSchoolIwasboastingonedayinthehouseplayroomaboutthissexualadventure,embellishedwithafewfantasiesofmyown,toaspellboundcircleofnine-year-oldsandIwassoengrossedthatIfailedtonoticeanolderboylisteningintentlyafewyardsaway.Afterprepthateveningthesameboycorneredmeandforcedmeintoalavatorywhere,droppinghis trousers,hedemandedtobeshownexactlywhatthemaid had done tome.This taughtme an important lesson about boarding school –neverbraginfrontofolderboys.TheboysatschooltalkedaboutgirlsandIbegantogetthe general idea that they had something to do with the first ripples of desire stirringbetweenmyloins;discussionswereconductedfurtivelyinthedormitoriesafterlightsoutorinthefarthestcornersoftheplayroomremovedfromthesuspiciouseyesofmasters,sotherewasobviouslysomethingverynaughtyaboutgirls.

TherewereplentyofgirlsattheDragonSchool,mostlydaughtersofOxfordacademics,andwewereencouragedtotreatthemasmembersofthesamerace;oneofthemplayedon the same rugby football teamasmyself,much to the complete bewilderment of ouropponents. Tucking her skirt into her knickers, she would set off with the ball tuckedunder her chubby arm, down the touchline, chased by a pack of small boys trying todecidewhethertotackleherornot.Shewasalarge,heartyyoungladywithnoinhibitionsatall;webecamequitefriendlyand,indeed,shewaskindenoughonedayafteramatchtolowerherknickersbehindthechangingroomandshowmewhatwasunderneath,butthatwasall.Iwasdefinitelynotallowedtotouch.

HavingfailedtheCommonEntranceexaminationtoWinchestertwiceImovedonfromDragon School to Wellington College in 1934, where my brother Rupert was ahousemaster–knowntousasaTutor.AftertheDragonSchool,Wellingtonwasaculturalshock. While the Dragon School sought to bring out the best talents in the young,Wellingtonseemedtoencouragetheirworstvices.Atmyprepschoolboysweretreatedasindividuals; atmy public school theywere regimented into a system for producing therighttypeofcandidateforSandhurstorWoolwich.ThestarkVictorianredbrickbuildingsrising out of an uninspiring heathland looked at first sight like a prison and it is notsurprisingthattheinmatesoccasionallyactedlikeprisoners.Iwasfloggedthreetimesinmy first term by the head of my house who was also captain of boxing, on the lastoccasionfornoothermisdemeanourthanbeingtootoughwhichIfeltreallywasthepot

callingthekettleblack.

IarrivedatWellingtonattheendofaverybadera.Theschoolwasabreedinggroundfor beating, bullying and homosexuality. Boys were deemed all right but girls weredefinitely off limits. Cold baths, classes starting at seven o’clock in the morning, PTbeforebreakfastfollowedbyavigorousroutineofwork,sportandinnumerableOfficersTraining Corps (OTC) parades were designed to keep the sexual devils at bay but thecompletesuppressionofnaturalsextogetherwiththefrequentbeatingsofyoungboysbyolderboyscreated just theatmosphere theauthoritieswere trying toavoid.Therewasacosy small circle of homosexualmasters and their followers, boys easily recognizedbytheirprettiness, carefullywavedhair andeffeminatemanners.Theymincedaround inagroupandsurvivedonlyundertheprotectionoftheirmentors.SomeyearslaterImetanOldWellingtonian Army Captain who explained to me the extent of this club, whosetentacles spread far beyondWellington into the dark labyrinths of theUniversities andSandhurst,andtheresultsofwhichsurfacedmanyyearslaterasthespiesemergedfromthewoodwork.

WhileIwasatWellingtontheArmywasseriouslybeingconsideredasasuitablecareerformebymyguardians,butthisdreamcametoanabruptendayearorsolater.AnumberofushadfoundaverygoodusefortheCorpsrifles,usingablankcartridgetolaunchamissile–penciloracorn–quiteadistancewithsomeforce. I tried thisonaFieldDaywhenMarlboroughCollegewereactingastheenemyandunfortunatelyshotoneoftheirboysthroughthecheek, inflictingadeepwound.Iwassummarilyreducedto theranks.Hardlyagreattestimonialforamilitarycareer.

DuringthoseyearsmybrotherTerencegotmarriedandtheSandersonRoadhousewassold.As the tide of family life, such as itwas,went out,myother brothers and sistersdriftedoffandIwasleftstrandedonthebeachduringtheholidays.ForthenextfouryearsIledanomadiclife,shuntingfromoneaccommodationtoanother.ThismeantthatIneveramassedpersonalpossessionswhichwerenoteasilytransportable,suchasabicycle.IwasoccasionallyforcedtostaywithTerencewhenallotherbolt-holeshadbeenfilled,buthehardly receivedmewithopen arms after years ofmutual antipathy anddislike.By thistimehewasEditoroftheNewcastleJournalandlivedinasubstantialresidencein‘posh’Gosforth,asuburbofNewcastle-upon-Tyne.GosforthisstillposhintheNorthandifyousay that you live there it is like saying that you live inBelgrave Square if you live inLondon.NotthatthisrubbedoffonmesinceIwasrelegatedtotherôleofanunwantedbrotherandallocatedasmallatticatthetopofthehouse.ExceptwhenlockedincombatwithTerence,Iwasseldominvitedintothemorecomfortablepartsofthehousewhenhewaspresent. Isoonbecametoo largeandstrongforhimtoapply thephysicalmeans tooverpowerme, so he relied on carefully articulated verbal abuse instead, something atwhichhewasmasterlyandwasstilljustasfrightening.IbelieveitwasBeverleyNicholswhowrotethatfollowinghisfather’sbullyingasaboy,heplottedhowhecoulddisposeofhim.CertainlyIplottedforsomeyearshowImightbringaboutTerence’sdownfallandhumiliation.

WellingtonbeinganArmyschool, itsrigorousroutinenodoubtpreparedboysfortheworst.Thereisa taleofaNavalCaptainwhoonbeingfinallyreleasedfromaJapanesePOWcampwasaskedbyreportersonhisreturntoEnglandwhetherhisexperiencewasas

badashadbeenmadeout.TheCaptainreplied‘Wellitwasnoworsethanmyfouryearsat Dartmouth’. I felt much the same about Wellington. I survived for two principalreasons; the first was the protective blanket thrown aroundme bymy brother, and thesecondwasthatIhadalreadylearnedtheroughtricksofthetradearoundthebackstreetsofNewcastle.

WhenIarrivedatWellingtonIhardlyknewRupert.Hehadremainedashadowyfigurein my early years. Though a classical scholar at Winchester, he had taken modernlanguages at Oxford. Winchester would have suited him much better than Wellingtonwhere I always suspected he was a misfit. As a progressive, he spent his whole lifefightingtheArmytraditionofeducation.Attwenty-sixyearsofagehewasaveryyoungand popular Tutor and I got to know himmuch betterwhen I joined his form to learnGermangrammarfromatextbookhehadwrittenhimself.Istartedoffragginghimbutwasquicklyputinmyplace,allocatedadeskbymyselfinacorneroftheclassroomandfirmlycalled‘Horsley’.

Rupert’sclassroomwasafriendlyplaceandhardlypreparedmeforthemovenextterminto a formof terror ruled by ‘TheHun’, a squat fatmanwhose eyes glintedwith lustbehindsteel-rimmedspectaclesashehypnotizedhisvictims likeastoat facinga rabbit.Heenjoyedbeatingboys inhisstudy, lowering their trousers firstandfeeling theirbarebottoms after each stroke. The Hun was recalled with fear by many generations ofWellingtonians and when he was finally caught ‘in delicto flagrante’ he hurriedly leftWellingtonunderacloud,onlytogivethesamemedicinetogenerationsofOakhamians.

SoIclimbeduptheschoolhierarchyquitesteadily,firstasafag, thenafteraspell inno-man’s-land finally joining the élite as a prefect with five fags on call, of whichChristopherLeewasone,thisnodoubtpreparinghimwellforhislaterrôlesasDracula.

AtWellingtonCollege all the privileges fell to the giants of the playing fields.On aSaturday, for example, if you achieved a college colour for Rugby football you werecertainlyaprince,ifnotaking,fortheday,withthelittlevelvetcapwithitsgoldtasselperchedperilously on the backof your head, all the buttons of your jacket undone andhands firmly dug into your trouser pockets – both against the rules. You could stridearrogantly through the quadrangles scattering the folks in your path and even schoolprefectscouldnotputahalt tosuchsplendidprogress. Iwoncollegecolours for rugby,hockeyandswimmingandjoinedtheswells.Butitwasnotenough,andasthecloudsofwarbuiltupominouslyonthehorizonIbecameincreasinglyrestlesstobegone.

Ibegantoplotmyescapeseriouslyat thebeginningofthesummertermof1939andwrotetoAlfredHolt,theChairmanoftheBlueFunnelLine,whosesonanddaughterIhadknownquitewellat theDragonSchool,requestinga jobononeofhisships.This letterwas written more out of bravado than with the expectation of a reply, so imagine mysurpriseafewdayslaterwhenIreceivedaletterfromhimtellingmethatifIpresentedmyselfathisofficeinafortnight’stimehewouldconsidertakingmeononeofhisships.Iimmediately announcedmy intention of leaving. I do not think eithermy Tutor ormybrotherbelievedme,butasIhadalreadyannouncedthenewstomyfriendsIwasstuckwiththedecision.Soexactlyaweeklater, justastheschoolannouncedthatIwastobecaptainofswimmingforthesummerterm,IwalkedoutofWellington.

3

EscapetoSeaIthankfullyleftthisdarkandmiserable

chamber.InsharpcontrastInowenteredaroom,lightandairy,filledwithspartanfurniture,whichseemedtogrowmoresubstantialasIwalkedthroughit.

This is the overture to the dramawhich follows. I went to sea as a callow schoolboy,cockyandarrogant, and returned sixmonths later as aman ready to face theholocaustahead.

InDecember,1938,Ihadbegunaschoolboy’sdiaryoftheeventswhichcausedsuchanupheavalandInowquotefromitverbatim:

Thursday25May,1939

OnleavingCollegeboysselltheirroombyauction,soafterteaIannouncedIwassellingminethatafternoon.Itwasquiteagoodsaleonthewholeandbuyingwasreasonable–enoughtopaymytipsandtrainfaretoLiverpool.Someboyscametobuy,othersjustforamusementandotherstoamuse.Chopping,ayoungfag,andhisgangwereofthelatterclass,andtheyboughtallmycrockerymerelyforthepleasureofdroppingitonmyhead(attheseauctionseverybodysitsaroundthestudyonthewoodenwallslookingdownonthewretched auctioneer).Any rate I got rid of a lot of unnecessary junk such as pens,geometry sets, old novels, and pictures handed down from one generation of boys toanother.IofferedmyveryoldcarpetforsaleanditstuckatsixpencebutwhenIhappenedtomentionthatithadbelongedtoJohnston,whohadbeenHeadofCollege,andcaptainofnearly everything, the price soared up to three shillings and itwas knocked down to ajunior fagwhohadnever evenheardof Johnstonbuthadbeencaughtup in the franticbidding.

Friday26May,1939

Iwokeearlythismorningtoagloriousday,mylastatschool;thequadrangleoutsidemyroomwasbathedinsunshineandnotevenabreezestirredthefoliageofthecopperbeechthatstoodinthemiddleofit,guardingtheChapel.

As theCollegeclockstruckseven two fellowprefects,ChrisandDerek,appearedonthesceneanddraggedmealongtothebathroomwheretheyceremoniouslyduckedmeinmy last compulsory cold bath – much to the amusement of the fags who inhabit thebathroom at that ungodly hour and who never suspected the prefects capable of suchhilarity.HalfanhourlaterCharteris,theHeadofDormitorybroughteveryonealongandIwascheeredinthecustomarymannerandhadtomakeashortspeech.ManytimeshadIcheeredothersbutitwasunrealanddreamliketobeactuallycheeredmyself.Ithinkmydormitoryregardedmeasaqueersortof fishwhodidunsuspectedandeccentric thingssometimes.

I didn’t go into breakfast as a fewodd jobs still remained to be completed.At eighto’clock(mytrainwasduetoleaveCrowthorneattwentyminutespast)CollegecameoutofbreakfastandbeforeIfinallymademydepartureIshookhandswiththewholeofmydormitory.ChrisandDerekpromisedtospreadarumourthatIhadbeensackedforhavinganaffairwithMatron–asifIcouldgetbeyondherlargemoustache!

So, dressed in an old tweed coat, grey flannels, and carrying a small bag, I set offthrough the quads, followed by a battery of stares. A young lad called Harcourt, withnicknameFlop, insistedon carryingmybaghalfway andpumpedmewithhundredsofquestions–I really thinkhe imaginedI’dgot theboot.However, I lefthimonBig-side[themainRugby football pitch], promising to send him a postcard of bathing belles instrawskirtsfromHawaii!WalkingacrossBig-side,IsuddenlyfeltverylonelyandwhenIturnedroundandsawthosefamiliarredbuildingsbathedinthesunIlongedtoturnback,butitwasauselessthought.

The train leftCrowthorne twominutes late; I had been on the same runmany timesbeforeand theenginewasaffectionatelyknownas theCrowthorneExpress.Wealwaysfelt schizophrenicaboutSouthernRailway;goingback toCollege theyalways travelledtoofastandweretoodangerous;returninghometheyweretooslowandtoosafe.

Wednesday31May,1939

I can’t imaginewhy I have left the secure routine of school to face a totally new anduncertainfuture.IfIcan’tgetajobwiththeBlueFunnelLineIshallbeuptomyneckintrouble.

JustafterlunchIcaughtabusintoLiverpoolandwalkedintoIndiaBuildings,alargeblockjustacrossfromtheMerseyRiver.Ifeltverysmallinthisvastgildedpalacewithitsmarblefloors.Peoplescurriedaroundthelobby,clerksintheirwhitestiffcollarsclutchingbundlesoffiles,typistsinsilkstockingsgigglingamongstthemselves.IwaswhiskedinaliftuptotheseventhfloorwhereIenquiredofabespectacledgentlemanpresidingbehindawoodencounter,‘MrHolt?’ItwasasifIhadaskedtoseeGod.Takingafewsecondstorecoverhis composure,hedisappearedbehindagreenbaizedoor. I imaginedhewouldreappearandtellmetogoawayandcomebackanotherday.Notso.Hereturnedfifteenminuteslater,whenheledmeintoasideroom.Amiddle-agedmaninanuntidybluesuitwasstandingthereandIthoughthewasanotherclerk.Heheldouthishand.‘Howdoyoudo,Horsley,’hesaid,‘IamAlfredHolt.Ibelieveyouknowmychildren?’Hesatdownandmotionedmetositathisside.Meanwhileanotherpersonhadcomeintotheroomand,withoutaword,satatthetablewithapileofdossiersinfrontofhim.

IexplainedmypredicamenttoMrHoltandtheimperativeneedformetogotosea.MrHolt immediately askedme the question, ‘Have you the permission of your guardian?’‘Yes,’Ireplied,crossingmyfingersunderthetable.Hethenturnedtohisclerkandsaid,‘GivemeafileonboatsleavingLiverpoolinthenextweekorso.’Whilehewaslookingat the file I had a chance to study him. He was a fine looking man with tired butpenetratingblueeyes.Hehardlyneededthefileasheseemedtoknowallabouttheboats:when they arrived,when they left, the names of his captains and officers. ‘Ah yes,’ hefinally said, ‘here’s a boat leaving for the East on Saturday; would that suit you?’ Iimmediatelyreplied,‘Yes.’‘Alright,’hesaid,‘youwillbeadeckboyatasalaryofone

shilling permonth.Youwillwork and livewith the crew but Iwill put you under thechargeofthemidshipmenandyouhaveyourmealswiththemandtheofficers.’(Ididn’trealizethesignificanceoftheshillingamonthuntilafewdayslater.)‘Ohyes,’hesaid,‘IwillgiveyoualetterfortheCaptaintotheeffectthatyoumaygetonandofftheboatandrejoinanotheroneatanytime.’

Isuspectthiswassomekindofinsuranceforthecompanybutitwasneverthelessverydecentofhim.Hegotup,heldouthishandandsaid,‘Goodbye,Horsley,’andcontinued,‘if I was twenty years younger I would come with you. Now you can go and seeMrMiller.’

MrMillerturnedouttobeawhite-hairedoldmaninatweedjacketwhoappearedtobethegeneralfactotum.HeproceededtotellmeabitabouttheBlueFunnelLine.

‘We are,’ he said,with pride, ‘an old-fashioned family shipping line,mainly runningcargo to theFarEastbut someofour shipsdo takea fewpassengers.Theshipsarealldrivenbycoalandareeasilyrecognizablebythetallbluefunnel.Youwillbesignedonthe TSS (Twin Screw Ship) cargo boat, the Cyclops, carrying a mixed bag of heavymachinery,cottongoodsandtintraystoChinaandJapan.ShewillbecallingatGibraltar,Port Said, Aden and Penang in Malaya to bunker before going on to Shanghai andYokohama.’

Hewent on to explain that almost everywhere the ship dockedwas part of the greatBritishEmpire,exceptChinaandJapan.Wehadenormouspossessionsaroundtheworld,inAmerica,India,Africa,Australia,andColoniesintheIndianandPacificOceans.TheBlue Funnel line served this Empire, taking finished goods fromEngland and bringingbacktherawmaterials.Iwassuitablyimpressed.Finallyhesaid,‘ComebacktomorrowandyoucansignontheArticlesoftheshipandIwillintroduceyoutothemidshipmen.’IleftIndiaBuildingswalkingonair.

Thursday1June,1939

Today I signed on the Articles of theCyclops as a deck boy. I was introduced to themidshipmenwhoweresupposedtokeepaneyeonme–MessrsRoxby,Frost,EliotandRaymond.Roxbywasatallboywithhardblueeyesandasharptongue.Frostwasathick-setAustralianwithamopofcurlybrownhair,andwithkindeyes,incontrasttoRoxby’s;heseemedapleasantsortofboy.Eliotontheotherhandlookedratlike,amediumtallboywith straight smoothhair and shifty eyes.Raymondwas apleasantbutobviouslyhard-headedWelshman,obstinate-lookingtoo,andhiscompanionscalledhimTaffy.Soafteralast-minuteshoppingspreeIreturnedtomypubforthelastnightinEngland.

BirkenheadthateveningwasfullofthetalkofthesubmarineThetis.ShehadsunkjustoutsideLiverpoolHarbouronatestdiveandwasstuckonthebottomofthesea;shewascrammedfullofdockyardworkers.Rumoursranlikewildfire;onetramconductortoldmethateveryonehadbeensaved,anotherthattheywerealllost.Twelvemidnightsawmeinafishandchipshopaboutaquarterofamilefrommyship.Therewasabout tenotherpeople in theshopbesidesmyselfandtwogirlsbehindthecounter.Therewasonlyoneconversation–Thetis–thewordhungfromeveryone’slips,itwaswrittenintheireyes,dullandsad.Theywereallworkingclasspeople,menwithscarvesforcollarsandblackpointed shoescovered indirt andoil.Theyall seemed toknowat leastoneof themen

trapped in the submarine. The girl behind the counter walked over to a cheap lookingradiosetandturnediton.Avoicequietenedus.‘Thereisnotmuchhopeleftforthemenonthesubmarine,’thevoicesaid,‘AllisbeingdoneforthoseentombedintheThetis,butIamafraidtheairisrunningoutrapidly.’

Saturday3June,1939

ThismorningIwentonboard.EveryonewassobusythattheytooknonoticeofmesoIleanedovertherailandwatchedeveryoneelseworking.Thenoiseandbustleonthedeckwasincredible.Wewereduetoleaveatteno’clockbutinfactitwashalfpasttenbeforethepilotcameaboard.

TheCyclops left thewharfatexactlyeleveno’clock. Itwasanexcitingbusiness; theFirstMatestoodonthepoop,fromtimetotimewavinghisarmsandshouting.Thepilotwas on the bridge,megaphone in hand and beside him stood theCaptain looking veryseriousandverymuchtheCaptain.Awhistleseemedtobethesignalforactivitytobegin,thegangwaywasdrawnup, ropeswerecast loose, smokepoured from the funnel.Twothickcableswerethrowntotwowaitingtugswhichcaughtthemandproceededtopullusoutofthewharf.

Therewerealotofshipsallalongthewharves,somequitedeserted,othersfulloflifeand likeourselves about to embarkon a journey.Therewasoneblackenedderelict – asymbolofashatteredpast.TherewasasmartJapaneselinerwhoseofficersweresprucelydressedinwhite.

Ifeelhorriblelonely;IwishIcouldturnback.Iseemtobealoneintheworldabouttogo thousands of miles, it’s my own fault. I chose this course. I suppose this is homesickness,butleavingLiverpoolwiththewharfgettingfainterandfainter,andsurroundedbystrangefaces,IwouldgiveanythingformyroomatWellingtonandafewfriends.

There’saraceofmenthatdon’tfitin,Aracethatcan’tstaystill;Sotheybreaktheheartsofkithandkin,Andtheyroamtheworldatwill.Theyrangethefieldandtheyrovetheflood,Andtheyclimbthemountain’screst;Theirsisthecurseofthegipsyblood.Andtheydon’tknowhowtorest.

JohnMasefield

Itwasabouttwohoursafterleavingthedockthatwesawsignsthatsomethingwasamiss.A squatdestroyer closely followedbya small trawler steamedbyonourport bow.Wearrivedonthescenebyteatime,whichwasforgottenintheexcitement.Aboutamileorso away to starboard we saw the cluster of ships, some Naval and some commercialsteamerslikeourselves,alltakingpartortryingtohelpinthegrimdramabelowthesea.Fromadistanceitlookedlikeaharmlessclusteroftoadstoolsoutlinedagainsttheskyinafield of blue. It was anything but harmless – a sinister scene, but at the same time amacabreandfascinatingoneforinthemiddleofthatclusterdeathhadstrucknotoncebutahundredtimes.

Wecouldbeofnousesowesteamedawayslowlyandregretfullyfromthatsadspot.

BirkenheadwassoonleftbehindandatHolyheadtheshipstoppedandourpilotwasputashore.AfterwehadleftporttheFirstMate,MrLarge,hadcalledmeandFrostandtoldustocleanup.Theshipwasfilthy,withcoaldustlyingeverywhere,bitsofrope,timber,ragsallovertheplace.Beforelunchtogetherwetidiedupthebows(lunchwasattwelveo’clock)andafterwardssweptit.Itwasafouljobleavingussweatyandcoveredwithcoaldust.Dinnerwasatseveno’clockandafterwardsIwent tomybunkintheforecastle intotalsilence.Ifeltthecrewdidn’tappeartolikemypresenceatall.

AtSea

Monday5June,1939

Myfirstrealdayatsea!Atfiveo’clockpromptlyIwasintroducedtoacupofdarkbrownliquidcalled teaandasliceofbreadandbutter. Idressedhurriedly,hardlybothering towashorcleanmyteeth.Goingoutsidetherewasalotofactivityonthedeckforherethedaybegins early at half past five. I spent thenext twohours swabbingdown thedecksunderthesharpeyeoftheboatswain.

AfterbreakfastFrostandIreportedtotheFirstMate.Thefirstjobthismorningwastostoreboxesawayinthebowsandthesecondtocleanupagainaswedidyesterday.Frostis averyquietbut strongcompanion.Theother twomidshipmenare takingwatches sotheywillnotbeworkingwithusuntilafterPortSaid.Fromeleventoaquarterpastthereis a break; in theNavy I gather this break is called a ‘stand easy’ but here it’s simplyknown as a ‘smoke’. Everyone appears to be great smokers on board. I suppose it isbecause cigarettes are so cheap – a shilling for fifty Woodbines and one shilling andsixpenceforfiftyPlayers.

ThisafternoonImetoneofthegreatcharactersoftheship–everyoneseemedtocallhim‘Bose’,shortforBoatswain.IgatherthatnexttotheCaptainheisthemostimportantmanontheship–asortofSergeantMajor.Iwaswalkingunderthebridgewithmyhandstucked inmypocketswhistlingwhen theBosecameup tomeandsaid, ‘Young fellow,therearetworulesofseanevertoforget.One,don’twalkaroundwithyourhandsinyourpocketsandtwo,don’twhistle,particularlywhentheCaptainishavinghisafternoonnapandthatisrightnow.Ifyouwakehimuptherewillbehelltopayforeveryoneandyouwillneverheartheendofit.’Hehadcomeuponmesilentlyandwalkedawaysilently.

Tuesday6June,1939

Startedoff thedayswabbingdecks.Afterbreakfastwasgiven the jobofwashingdowntheCaptain’sdeck. Iwas sent to findabucketandpinched the firstone thatcame intosight.TogetherFrostandItoiledandstruggledwithscrubbingbrushesandsoap,ouronlyreward being red knees from kneeling on the hard deck. At about half past ten I wasapproached by aChinamanwho claimed that I had stolen his bucket.Naturally I hotlydenied thisaccusationanda reallygrandquarreldeveloped.However,asusual Iwas inthewrongand it turnedout that thebucket I hadpinchedwashis.At eleveno’clock–smoke. At half past eleven the doctor vaccinated me against smallpox and tropicaldiseases!Thenwestoredpulleysfromthederricksandafterthatbegantosandandcanvasthebridgerails.Thisisajobwhichisverygoodexerciseforthewrists;itisamatterofputtingabit of sandona small bit of rolledupcanvas and rubbing likehell.You thenwashofftheresultwithsoapandwater.Halfpasttwelvetohalfpastone–lunchofsoup,

hot-pot,sausages,pudding,cheeseandcoffee.Afterlunchcleanedthebrassinthewheelhouse–thecompass,speakingtubes,wheel,etc.Thisishardfingerworkandthebrassoremainsonmyclothesand Ihate the smellof it.My legsarevery tired.Frost is still asilentcompanion.

Webreakforteaatthreewhichconsistsofonesliceofbread,asmallpieceofcakeandacupoflukewarmtea, thecolourofmud.TodayIhavelearntonething:paint iscalled‘splash’andyouobtainitfromamancalled‘Lamps’.AfterteaIwentoncleaningupthebrassonthebridgeandthistimeitwastheportholesinthechart-room.

Themorningwasacloudyonewithafaintbreezeblowingoutfromthelandbutintheafternoon theclouds shiftedand the suneventually cameout.Wehadnot seen land,orshipseither,butourpositionmustbesomewhereofftheSpanishcoast.

Wednesday7June,1939

ThismorningFrostandIcleanedoutthebridgeheadandswabbedthefloor.Aftersmokewe began washing the portholes and I learnt that old newspapers are excellent forpolishing brass.We both worked so hard that we were late for lunch and the Captainshowed strong disapproval particularly as I thinkwe interrupted one of his usual dirtyjokes.

IntheafternoonwecleanedtheCaptain’swindows,very,veryquietly.Itmustbelousygoing on watch – Eliot, Roxby and Raymond always look half asleep whenever I seethem.Ifoundoutoneortwootherthingstoday,amongthemthattheship’scarpenterisknownas‘Chips’andthewirelessoperator‘Sparks’.

Todaywe have passed or been passed by a good number of ships, for themost partcargo boats. Early in themorningwe overtook a slow-movingNorwegian timber ship,lyinglowinthewaterandpaintedadullgreycolour.ThetroopshipDorsetpassedbyusonitsjourneybacktoEnglandfromPalestine.Wecouldjusthearsinginginthedistance.TodayIbegantakingmorsecodelessonsfromSparks.Theweatherhasbeenverykind.Itwasalovelyearlymorningwithacool,landbreezedyingoutasthedayprogressedandthesunbecamehigheruntiltheairwasalmoststifling.Ourpositionissomewhereoffthecoast of Spain and after lunch we were able to distinguish the hard regular outline ofPortugalwithlarge,bluemountainsinthebackground.

***

TheFight

AfterafewdaysIbegantoseehowcleverMrHolthadbeentopaymeashillingamonth.Iwasneitherfishnorfowl,livingwiththecrewandworkingwiththemhalfthetimeandtheotherhalf spentwith themidshipmenandhavingmymealswith theofficers. Iveryquickly appreciated the enormous barrier between the officers and the crew, a barrierseldom breached and one onwhich I sat uncomfortably astride. The crew resentedmyclosecontactwiththeofficersandtheofficerssuspectedtheyhadaspyintheirmidstfromtheothersideofthecamp.ItwasataboutthistimethatIbegantorealizethatIhadaflawinmypersonalitywhichhad advantages anddisadvantages.Wehad at home, formanyyears,aStaffordshirebullterrier.Hewasneveraggressivehimselforattackedotherdogsbut perhaps therewas an odour about himwhich attracted dogs of all shapes and sizes

frommilesaround tocomeandhaveagoathim.Hecheerfullybore thescarsof theseencounters.Iseemedtohaveacquiredthesameodourwhichencouragedotherstohaveagoatme.

Thismanifested itselfoneevening in the forecastle.Avery largeseamanaptlycalled‘Tug’suddenlyexploded.‘Idinnalikeyerbleedingaccent,’heshoutedatmeacrossthefloor.‘Putyermitsup.’HeobviouslyhadnotbeentoapublicschoolbecausebeforeIhadtime to comply he hitme a heavy blow on the side of the head. I sprawled across theforecastle into the arms of a jeering semi-circle of crewmen. They unceremoniouslypushedmebacktowardsTug.HesmeltaneasyvictoryandchargedtowardsmebutthistimeIwaspreparedand,side-stepping,hithimhardonhislargepurple-redbulbousnosewhichburst likea ripestrawberry.Oneall! I realized that Ihad tokeepoutofhishugearms which, once wrapped around my body, would squeeze the life out of me. Imanoeuvred around him for awhile but oncemore he closed andwith a grunt of ragecaughtmeanotherstingingblow.AgainIfellbackintothearmsofthenowshoutingandexcitedcrewmen.OnceagainIwaspushedforwardandhitTugashardasIcouldinhislargependulousbelly.Itwaslikehittingasponge;myhandwentinandcameoutagainwithoutevenmakinghimwince.Icruisedaroundhim,woundedbutnotyetmortally;thebloodonhis nosehad stopped flowing and through the red screen I could see themadgleamofmurderinhiseyes.

HehitmeagainandthistimeIwentdownonthedeck.Igotupslowlyandhehitmeoncemore.This time Ididn’tgetupquite so fast. I suppose Ihithim twice tohishalfdozen blows;my ownwere gettingweakerwhile hiswere just as powerful. After onehugeblowIwentdownagainandthedeckandtheceilingoftheforecastleappearedtobeone.Myeyesclosedand Iknewwithcertainty I couldnotgetup. Ivaguely rememberhands lifting me up and placing me on my bunk. I woke the next morning feeling asthoughIhadbeenrunoverbyabus.Allthecrew,includingTug,solemnlyshookmebythehand.Iwasoneofthem.

Thursday8June,1939

WearrivedatGibraltaratmidnight.

GoingoutondeckIcouldseetheneutralgroundbetweenSpainandGibraltar.DuringtheCivilWartheSpaniardshaddugupthisgrounduntiltheBritishpointedtheirgunsatAlgeçiras, a brown-coloured town just across the bay, when they quickly stopped.Algeçiras itself was bombarded several times during the war. I could see the gunemplacementson theRockand several guns andblockhouseswereoutlined against thebluesky.

AtbreakfasttheCaptaintoldmethatthiswouldbethelastbitofgreenwewouldseefor a long time and certainly the last sight of hedges for nine months. My work thismorningwas to continue cleaning the brasswork but across the bay I couldwatch anEnglishdestroyerchurningupthewatersintoawhitefoam.SoonweleftGibraltar,alionofarocksetinthesea.

Iwasgivena lessonon thewheelby Jannen, a seaman.Steering the shipwas reallyquiteeasyalthoughasJannensaysyouhavetoknowyourshipanditisveryeasytostartswingingfromsidetosideonceyougetthewheelonthemove.AfterlunchFrostandI

madeacanvascaseforaventilatorontheofficers’deck.AllIdidwastosquatbesidehimand hand him the tools when required. We finished work at half past four. A canvasswimmingpoolhadbeenriggedonthewirelessoperators’decksoweallwenttotryitoutanditwasnottoobad.IntheearlyeveningIcontinuedwithmymorsecodestudies.

Friday9June,1939

Ihavetodayatlastworkedoutthepeckingorderontheship.Therearethreelayers,eachquiteseparateandwiththeirowncultures,livingquartersandmesses.TheCaptainisthechairman so to speak of the company and theFirstMate is themanaging director.TheCaptainnevergivesanorderbuttheFirstMatetransmitshiswishestotheBoatswain.TheofficersaretheCaptain’sboardofdirectors.TheBoatswainisthedirectconduitthroughwhichtheFirstMatetransmitshisorderstothecrew.Thewhitecrewlookaftertheship,painting,cleaningandscrubbingit;theydonotmixwiththeofficers.ThefinallayeristhefortyorsoChinamenwhostoketheboilersunderthechiefengineer.Theyhavetheirownmessandstickstrictlytothemselves.Iamsandwichedsomewherebetweenthefirstandsecondlayers.

Saturday10June,1939

Swabbedthedecksathalfpastfivewhichisonemadrusharoundtheshipwithbrushandhose – knocked down, drenched but still struggling on. Swabbing is undoubtedly thehardestandmostunpleasantworkparticularlyonanemptystomach.The‘Bose’followscoolandsilent,manoeuvringthelongheavyhosepipeandifyoudon’tworkhardenoughheturnsitonyou.Afterbreakfastbacktothewindowsbothonthebridgeheadandthenon theCaptain’sdeck.During themorning Icommitted twocrimes. In thewheelhousethere is a piece of cord hanging from the roof which rings the ship’s bell and whilecleaningthewindowsmyarmcaughtthisandrangthebellwhichbegantopealaway.Iwasn’tverypopular.NextIhadfinishedcleaningthebridgewindowsandwalkedintothechartroomthinkingFrostwasthereandwithoutbotheringtolookaroundIsaid,‘Iamjustgoing to clean theOldMan’swindows, blast him.’ I glancedup and therewas theOldMangrinningevillyatme.

I swam and sunbathed afterwork and alreadymymuscles are tightening up andmybodyisbecomingtannedbythesunandsea.God,itisgettinghotandthereisnotacloudintheskyandonlyagentlebreezemakesitbearable.Theeternalnoiseoftheenginesandtheswiftmotionoftheseaismakingmenervy.‘OhtobeinEngland’!

After dinner the ship’s doctor askedme into his cabinwhere he gaveme a glass ofsherryandIenjoyedhiscigarettes.DoctorHartisaverypleasantcharacter.Heisaboutfivefeetteninchestallwithasmallmoustache,coveringaslighthair-lip.Heisgettingabitthinontopdespitehisthirty-twoyears.Itseemshishobbiesarehuntingandyachtingandhetoldmemanyexcitingstoriesofhisexperiencesatboth.Hetellsmeheonlydrinksport and always smokes Rhodesian cigarettes of which he has about two thousand onboard.Hewants to be a country doctor and hunt two days aweek but is now lookingaroundtheworldandintendstovisitabastardbranchofhisfamilyinAustralia.Tobedafterapleasantevening.

Sunday11June,1939

Wearythecryofthewindis,wearythesea,

Wearytheheartandthemindandthebodyofme.WouldIwereoutofit,donewithit,wouldIcouldbeAwhitegullcryingalongthedesolatesands.

AndfirstI’llheartheseawinds,themewingofthegulls,Theclucking,suckingoftheseaabouttherustyhulls,Thesongsatthecapstaninthehookerwarpingout,Andthentheheartofme’llknowI’mthereorthereabout.

JohnMasefield

It is a glorious day. The sun is dazzling and the sea is a perfect picture blue. TheMediterraneanisawonderfullypeacefulsea,calmandunruffled.ItisdifficulttobelievethatitevercouldberoughalthoughIbelieveitisattimes.InthemorningwepassedtheislandofPantelleria.It isarockypeninsularisingsteeplyoutof theseaandithasbeenfortifiedbyItalyhopingintheeventofastrugglebetweenourtwocountriestocutofftheWestMediterraneanfromtheEasternportion,thusmakingtheSuezCanalunusable.

AtlunchIaskediftheyeverhadchurchservicesonboardship.‘Notonthesetypesofcargoships,’Iwastold.TheSecondMatetoldusofafewoftheexperienceshehadhadonthepassengerships.Hesaidheusedtoplaythepianoandonefinedayafteraserviceheplayed‘GodSaveTheKing’andtheCaptainhadturnedonhimandinfrontofaveryrespectablelotofpassengershadshouted,‘Whatthehelldoyouthinkyouaredoing?Thisisachurchservicenotabloodycinema.’

Tuesday13June,1939

IwasgivenoneofthemostunpleasantjobsthatIhaveeverdonebutitwasmyownfault.Afterbreakfast, inconversationwith theChiefEngineer,hehappened tosay, ‘What thedevildoyouwanttocometoseafor?’IrepliedthatIwasinsearchofexperience.Hiseyetookonanastyglintand ina smoothvoicehesaid, ‘Experienceyouwant?Well, Icangive you an experience, lad; you report to me at twelve o’clock tonight in the engineroom.Iamonestokershortatthemoment.’

ThateveningIretiredtobeddirectlyafterdinner.AthalfpastelevenagruffvoicewokemeoutofadreamandstillhalfasleepIcrawledoutofmybunkanddressedinsomeolddungareesandawhiteboilersuitwhichoneoftheengineershadlentme.Attachedtoitwasahoodwhichtiedroundthechin.AtfirstIdidnotunderstandthereasonforit,butafterwards Idid.On the strokeof twelve I climbeddown theperpendicular steel ladderwhichledintothebowelsoftheCyclops.

My first impression of the engine roomwasmachinery; one vast mass of revolvingwheelsandhissingsteam,andtheclickingofthedialsontheinstrumentboard.Dwarfingallelsethegiantpistonsstoodoutinalltheirpowerandeternalnoise.ThiswasanoiseIheard all the time in the ship: a steady thump, thump, thump keeping to a beautifulrhythm,neveralteringitstime,withannoyingintensity.Thenoiseintheengineroomwastremendousforbesidesthemachinerytherewerethehurryingmenbearingoddtoolslikegrease-pans and oilers. For aminute no one noticedmebut then a figure cameup andshoutedsomethinginmyearwhichIdidnothear,but,stilldazedbythenoise,Ifollowedhimdownthroughatunnelandfinallyoutintocomparativequiet.Itwasterriblehere.I

wouldhavepreferredthenoisetentimestotheheatofthatplace.Iwasinthestokehole…twelveblazinghellholesgapingwidewiththethermometersonthewallregistering120degrees.‘Yourfirstjobwillbetrimming.Youhavetohackthiscoalintosmallerpiecesinhere,’andheledmethroughadoorintoacoalhole‘andthenyouputthecoalinthistruckandpullitdowntothefiresandthenyoudosomestoking.’Andsoheleftmeamongthetwenty-fiveChinesestokers,theonlywhitemaninthehole.TheyalllookedatmeandIlookedbackat them.Oneof themspatatmy feet, and that seemed tobe thesignal forthemtostartworkingagain.SoIheavedthehammeratthecoalandbrokeitupandthenshovelleditintoatruckandnearlybrokemybackshovingitandpushingitonthefires.Thecoalholewasquitecoolaftertheawfulheatofthefires.OnceIslippedpushingthetruckandfellintothecoalcuttingmyhandsandlegs.AChinamanhelpedmetogettomyfeet again, and grinning excitedly went back to tell his fellows. My hands becameblisteredandmybackbegan toache,my legs to tireandIbegan tocurse. I think therewerethreethingsaboutthestokeholethatwillalwaysremainwithme–thehightrebleshouts, songs and laughter of theChinese stokers. Theywere stripped to thewaist andsweatpoureddowntheirbodies.Thentherewasthecoaldustwhichchokedandgotinsidemymouth,noseandeyesandfinallytherewastheheat,theblastasthedoorsofthefireswereopenedandweshovedthecoalinwithlongshovels.

Atabouttwoo’clock,theChiefEngineerappearedandsaid,‘OKHorsley,youdolookfineandhow’stheexperiencegoing?’AtthisstageIcouldn’tcarelessandsworebackathim.‘Ohdon’tgetsorattled,youngman,comeandhaveadropoftea.’Sobackwewenttotheengineroominthemiddleofwhichatablehadbeenlaidoutwithtoastandcupsoftea. All the other engineers were already eating hard but I was introduced to themseparately. The Second Engineer looked exactly likeMussolini and indeedwas alwayscalledbythatname,shortenedto‘Musso’.TheyoungestengineerwasaWelshmancalledHughesandhetoldeveryonethatheloathedthesea.Thiswashisfirstvoyageandhesaidhewishedhewasworkingback in thegarageat threepoundsaweekwithnoneof theterriblenoiseandheatoftheengineroom.

Wefinishedteaandoneoftheengineersvolunteeredtoshowmeround.Firstheledmethroughsomelongnarrowpassagesandupsomemoreironstairstoaplacehecalledthe‘TurkishBath’.Thiswasasmallroomabsolutelycoveredwithpipes,sofullofsteamyoucouldhardlybreathewithout choking.After a fewminutes in heremy chestwas aboutready toburstandsweatpouredoutofeverypore.Thenback to theengine roomandIwasshownhowtheengineworked.Thesystemseemstobeexactlythesameasthatforan aeroplane or car except that coal is used to generate steam instead of petrol. Theengineerthentookmedownalongtunnelwhichwaswherethemainshaftwaslocated.Theshaft isslungona longstraightslidecoatedwith lubricantsandisroundasa largetreeandtwoshaftsturnthetwogiganticscrews.

SoatfourinthemorningIclimbedbackuptheironladderandtenminuteslaterflungmyselffullyclothedandexhaustedontomybunk.

Wednesday14June,1939PORTSAID

There is iniquity inmany parts of theworld, and vice in all, but the concentratedessenceofalliniquitiesandallthevicesinallthecontinentsfindsitselfatPortSaid.Andthroughtheheartofthatsand-borderedhell,wherethemirageflickersdaylong

above the Bitter lakes,move, if youwait,most of themen andwomen you haveknowninthislife.Theexcitement,thegaming-tables,thesaloons,thedancing-hells,thestraightvista

ofthecanal,theblazingsands,theprocessionofshipsandthewhitebuildings–allarePortSaid.

RudyardKipling

God I am tired this morning. I have just managed to struggle into breakfast feeling acompletewreck.AfterbreakfastIwasputtoworkagaincleaningwindowswiththeusualnewspapers.AfterlunchItookoutthepilot’sladdertotheforwardhatchandscrubbeditcleanandatabouthalfpastthreewebegantoseewhatlookedlikepostsandirongirdersstickinghereandthereoutofthesea.Therewasnotacloudintheskyandthesunwasblazingdownonourbareheads.Wepassedoneortwonativefishingboatsandsuddenlytheclangofthebridgebellandthecessationoftheenginestoamerethrobinthedistanceheraldedtheapproachofaport.WeroundedthebuoysandslowlysteamedupthenarrowentrancetoPortSaidandtheSuezCanal.Wincheswerebeingtestedandtheairwasfullofescapingsteamandshoutsofthecrew.

The ship is surrounded by small boats called bum boats piled high with brilliantlycolouredwares,moneyandgoodsareexchangedinbasketspulledandloweredovertheship’srails.AllthingsareforsaleinPortSaid.Ihaveneverseensuchacrowdinallmylife,abouttwohundredalltoldonthedeck,somebig,somemedium,somesmall,alldirtyand all crooks. Roxby bought a camera and I bought a tube of toothpastewhichwhenturnedoutofitswrappingprovedtobeonlyhalffull.

Whentheshiphadfinallybeenstrippedofanythingvaluableandtherewasnobodyleftto swindle, themobgraduallydisappeared;a few, like thegulley-gulleymenstayedon.They played a betting game with three dice cups and a baby chicken. ‘Gulley, gulley,gulley,’theycried,‘whichcuphidesthechicken?’Ofcourse,younevercouldguessrightagainstsuchnimble-fingeredroguesandlostyourbet.

IwentuptotheFirstMateandaskedhimifImightgoashoreandhesaidIcould.Itwas easy enough to obtain a boat as competition is keen, and theArabwho rowedmeacross was a cheery fellow dressed in a highly-coloured vest and earrings and with aprodigiouslylargenose.

PortSaidisalargetownwithabigbusinesscommunity.Itisbuiltonasitewhichnotlong ago was a marshy salt lake. All nations walk in its streets and ships from everycountrypassthroughtheport.EastmingleswiththeWestinthisstrangetown.ItreallyisafascinatingplaceandIhadawonderfultimeidlingthroughthestreetsandlookingatthecrowdsandshops;Ihadbeentoldaboutthemostfamousshopofall,SimonArtz,andIpurchasedtherewhateveryEnglishmanissupposedto–atopee,thecheapestintheshop!After a while wandering about I was rowed back to the ship and went back on boardagain.

***

ThereisnowagapinmydiaryuntilwereachPenang,probablybecauseamonsoonstruckusshortlyafterleavingtheSuezCanal.TheCaptainsaiditwastheworstweatherhehadencounteredandall I remember isbattlingagainsthugeseaswhilewe lasheddown the

deckcargoandreturnedhalf-drownedtotheforecastle.WeeventuallydockedinPenangand I decided to leave the ship and visit one of my sisters, who lived there with herhusband,aGovernmentengineer.IwascollaredbythemassoonasIwentashore,takento their home, put in a shower and given some decent clothes! I eventually emergedlookingmoreorlesscivilized.

Penang

Wednesday23August,1939

Thelatest,andwhatIimaginewillinthefuturebeknownastheAugustcrisis,isgettingwellunderwayandgathersspeeddaily.ItgivestheimpressionofbeingevengraverthanthecrisisofSeptemberlastyear.

Germany wants to take over Poland and Danzig and include them in the Reich;naturally Poland objects. England is bound to Poland by treaty, so either Germany orourselveshavetogivewayanditmustnotbeus.ThereforeeitherGermanybacksdownoritwillbewar.Germanynowholdsthestageandthechoiceoftheplay;morecorrectly,perhaps,thisisinthehandsofherleader,AdolfHitler.

Friday1September,1939

Atfouro’clockthisafternoon,forlackofanythingbettertodo,Iplayedwiththedialsonthe wireless, idly tuning in first to Paris and then to dance music from London, andsuddenly as I was tuning in to another station, an excited American voice, almostshouting, said, ‘Radio City has made an important announcement tonight, ladies andgentlemen, and for the last two hours terrible events have been happening in Europe.FollowingabroadcastbyHitler,itisreportedthatGermantroopshavecrossedthePolishborder and have invaded Poland; tune in to Radio City, New York, for all the latestdevelopments.’

ForafewminutesIsatdazedandsilent.HadImerelydreamttheannouncementorhadthedreadfulmomentonwhichthefateofmillionsofpeopledependedarrived?Hadthegunsbegantobarkandthe lightsgooutalloverEurope?Icouldalmosthear thebattleraging and the drone of bombers, on their way to destroy Warsaw, triumphant andgloating.Icouldimaginethemutilatedbodiesofmenandwomenandthestillpoorformsoflittlechildren.OhGod,whatishappeningtothisworld?Thousandsofinnocentpeoplearegoingtobethrownintoendlessstrifeandmisery;damnHitlerandmayhisheartrotinhell.Whyhasonemadhumanbeingthepowertomurdernotonlyhisownpeoplebutthepeopleof other harmlessnations.Surely this is not onlyGod’spower, but perhaps it isSatan’stoo,andisHitlertheAnti-Christwhofinallyconquerstheworld?Perhapswearetoseewondrousthingsinourtime,butthecomingwarisgoingtobeterrible.

Saturday2September,1939

Ispentarestlessdayalternately listeningtorathervaguenewsbulletinsandcursingthewireless. Eventually I tuned in to a German station broadcasting in English. Theannouncer accused theBritish of creating the present situation andwent on to say thatChamberlainentirelydominatedtheBritishpress;further,thatEnglanddidnotappeartorealizethedamagetheyhaddone.WhenItunedintoaBritishwirelessstationtheywerestilltakenupwithdancemusic!

Sunday3September,1939

This afternoonwe allwent out to thePenangFlyingClubwhere one of the instructorstookmeupforaflight.ItwasaverylovelyeveningwiththesunsettingoverthehillsandthelightsofPenangbeginningtotwinkle.Afterlandingwewalkedtotheclubhouseandfoundeveryonelisteningtothewireless.Suddenlytheannouncersaid,‘WearetakingyouovertoDowningStreetwherethePrimeMinisterwillmakeastatement.’

‘IamspeakingtoyoufromtheCabinetRoomofNo.10DowningStreet.ThismorningtheBritishAmbassadorinBerlinhandedtotheGermanGovernmentafinal note stating that unlesswe heard from themby eleven o’clock that theywere prepared at once to withdraw their troops from Poland, a state of warexistedbetweenourcountries.’MrChamberlainwenton:‘Ihave to tellyounowthatnosuchundertakinghasbeenreceivedand that

consequentlythiscountryisatwarwithGermany.’

Onewomanhadahandkerchiefpressedviolentlytohernose,withtearsstreamingdownherface.

Monday4September,1939

TodayIwentdowntothetowntoseetheimmigrationofficeraboutreturningtoEngland.Heavens! He told me that I should have to stay in Malaya for the duration of theemergency–noonewasbeingallowedtoleave!IreturnedtothehousewonderingwhatIwasgoingtodonext.

Wednesday6September,1939

DuringthenightIhadabrilliantideaandinthemorningIwenttoseeMrIsherwood,theBlue Funnel agent, and without telling himwhat the immigration officer had toldme,askedtobesignedontothenextshipbacktoEngland.IproducedMrHolt’sletterwhichdulyimpressedhimandhesignedmeonwithoutfurtheradoasadeckboywiththeBlueFunnel shipMenelaus arriving Penang on 20 September. Armed with his signature, IreturnedtotheimmigrationofficerandtoldhimIwasamemberofthecrewwhohadgotstuckinPenang.ThisfooledhimandheagreedthatIcouldleaveMalaya.

Wednesday20September,1939

Atexactlythreeo’clocktheMenelauswasdockedandIwastakenonboardbytheagent.SheisdifferentfromtheCyclopsinthatshecantakesixteenpassengersaswellascargo.Iwasgivena tiny cabin as apparently there is no room forme in the forecastlewith thecrew.Itevenhasasmallfan!Theshipisnotaveryinspiringsightasthecrewhavebeguntocamouflageherinadirtygreypaint.Mysisterandherhusbandcametoseemeoff.Itwasaveryemotionalmomentas Ihadno ideawhether Iwouldever see themagain. Iwalked to the sideof the ship andwatched themwalk along thewharfwith their stepsbreaking the quiet of the night and disappearing in the darkness. The engine of a carstartedupanditmovedoff.

Iwasunabletosleep.Atfouro’clockinthemorningchainsrattled,upcametheanchorandtheMenelausbegantomoveoutofPenangharbour.

AtSeaAgainandHeadingforHome

Thursday21September,1939

NooneseemedtonoticemetodayandIskulkedaroundpretendingtobeapassenger.Itgavemeanopportunitytostudymyfellowpassengers.TherewerefiveofthemandweweretakingonafurthersixinPortSaid.TherewasEymes,arubberplanterfromMalayareturning to England to volunteer; Blomfield a schoolmaster from Manila; a verysuspiciousladycalledMrsBenyonfromBangkokwhoclaimssheisDutchbutIsuspectshe isGerman; and two schoolboys returning from theirholidays toEngland. (LateronEymesandBlomfieldbecamegoodfriendsduringthedaybutoncetheyhadgotdowntothealcoholintheeveningsfightsbrokeoutbetweenthemquiteregularly.Fortunatelytheywereusuallysodrunkbythenthatnodamagewasdone.)

Friday22September,1939

Theidlenessofyesterdaydidn’tlastlongandIwascaughttodayandinterviewedbytheFirstMate.Heimmediatelygavemethejobofpaintingtherestoftheshipgrey!TherestofthepassengersweremostamusedbutIwasnotsinceIcoveredmyselfandmostofmycabinwithgreypaint.

Saturday23September,1939

Wealllistenedtothenewsinthesmallpassengersaloon.TheRumanianPrimeMinisterhas been shot by theNazis. Therewas a comment byNevilleChamberlain onHitler’slatest speech: ‘IfHerrHitler saysGermany can fight for sevenyears, I sayBritain andFrancecanfightforthirty-sevenyears.’ApparentlythereisanotherwarrumourthateverysecondbombthatfellonWarsawfailedtoexplodeandcontainedanotefromtheSkodaworkssaying,‘Wearewithyou,Poles.’ThismighthavesometruthinitasIunderstandthearmsfactoriesrevoltedafewdaysagoandwerecrushedwiththeusualNazimethods–torturingincellars,massmurderandwhippings.

Monday25September,1939

TheseahasbeenratherroughsinceweleftPenangandwearecaughtinthetailendofasouth-westmonsoon.ThismorningforthefirsttimesinceleavingPenang,twoboatsweresighted;onelookedlikeadestroyerinahurryandtheother,amerchantship,turnedaboutandfledwhenitsawus.AthalfpastnineweenteredColomboharbourwhichatfirstsightlookedveryordinary.Aftermuchmanoeuvringwedroppedanchoraboutthirtyyardsoffajettyandimmediatelytheshipwasbeseigedbyofficialsofallsortsandsizes.

Tuesday26September,1939

WearegettinganoldgunhereinColombotoprotecttheshipandIhavebeentoldthatIwillbeontheguncrew,butithasnotarrivedyet.Atpresentweareloadingacargoofteaandrubber.

Thursday28September,1939

Thechosenguncrew,myselfincluded,wereassembledondecktogoashoreandreceivetrainingonournewacquisition–anancient1917Japanesenavalgunwhichhadbeeninstore in Colombo ever since the last war.We approached this event with considerableinterestandspeculation.

Wewere taken ashore andmarched into a long shed on the quaysidewhere our gunrestedalongsidealotofotheroldfiringpieces.Wemusthavebeenfairlyneartheheadofthequeuebecauseourgunlookedquitenewcomparedtosomeoftheotherjunk.Ihopeitimpressestheenemy.AsmartNavalinstructorformedusintoacrewandchosemeasguntrainer (apparentlybecause I appeared tohave two serviceable eyes).My job is to lookthroughatelescopicsightandoninstructionturnawheeluntilaverticallineonthesightpicksupthetargetandthenfinetuneitontothecentre,presumablyasubmarineconningtower. Big job.Keyman.After some fairly rudimentary instructionwe returned to theship.

Saturday30September,1939

Justafterbreakfastorderscame through thatwewere toproceedoutside theharbour totestourhugegunwithliveshells.Outatseaweassembledatourgunwhichbythistimehadbeenfirmlyboltedontothepoopdeck.Alargeorangecratehadbeenpaintedbrightyellowandwasdroppedoverthesideasatarget.AshellwasloadedintothebarrelandatasuitabledistanceIbegantotrainthegunontothegeneralareaofthetargetandawaitedinstructions–‘left,moreleft,left,moreleft,steady.’Ipickedupthetargetandfocusedthevertical line on to it. ‘Fire!’ There was an enormous explosion and at the end of mytelescopicsightitwaslikewatchingtheendoftheworld!Deafened,wepeeredthroughthe smokeat theboxbobbingabouton the sea in thedistance; invain.Nosightof theshell.Weneverdidseeit!Indiscussionafterwardsitappearedthatthegunlayerhadbeenfollowingtheinstructionsmeantformesobythetimewefiredthegun,thebarrelmusthavebeennearlyvertical!

Atanyrate,afteranothershotwegotthehangofitandthefinalonesentupaplumeofsprayatleastinthegeneralareaofthefastdisappearingorange-box.Ionlyhopewedon’thavetofirewhilesteamingalonginthemiddleofaconvoy.TheNavalinstructorpassedusreluctantlyasaguncrewandafterdroppinghimoffwesetsailfromColomboforPortSaid.

Sunday1October,1939

Wespentallmorningfillingandsewingupsandbags.Thenewsoverthewirelesshasputthewindupsomeof thepassengerssinceourdearold friendHitlerhasannounced thatGermanyisgoingtotreatallBritishmerchantshipsaswarshipsandhasgivenordersthattheyaretobesunkonsight.

Monday2October,1939

IcleanedouttheshellmagazinethismorningundertheordersoftheSecondMate.Afterthatweallfilledsandbagsandplacedthemroundthebridge.Afterlunchtherewasagunalertandpracticealthoughwefirednomoreshells!

Tuesday3October,1939

Continuedfillingsandbags.

Wednesday4October,1939

Filledandsewedsandbags.

Thursday5October,1939

Iambeginningtoappreciatewhatitfeelsliketobeaconvict.

Friday6October,1939

WearesupposedtohavearrivedatAdentodaybutnosightofland.SpeculationamongthepassengersastowhetherwearetogoroundtheCapeornot.

Saturday7October,1939

DuringthenightwearrivedinAden.Atsixo’clockIlookedoutoftheportholeintotheredglowat the landabouthalfamileaway. It looked ruggedandsunbakedsilhouettedagainst themorningsky–hardanddesolate.Wehaddroppedanchorandafaintbreezestirredthebluewater.Asthesunrosehigherandhighertheheatbecamemoreandmoresuffocating. The hills descended abruptly to the sea and coursed around the bay to adesert-likeplateauontheotherside.Thetownwassituatedonthisslopeandlookedveryuninteresting.Toour right therewas justbarren rockhundredsof feethighwithoutanysignofvegetationorlife.

Shortlyafterbreakfastacoalbargecamealongsideandwetookoncoal.Plankswerepushedupfromthebarge to thedeckandcooliescarriedbasketsofcoalon theirheadsrunningup theplankswithbare feet to tip their loads into thebunkers.After takingoncoal, the anchor came up andwe headed towards theRedSea and not theCape route,thankheavens.

Monday9October,1939

Thismorningwe hadmore gun practice and the gun crewwere also instructed in rifleshootingatatinwhichhadbeenattachedtoastringattheendofthepoop.ThisisincasewehavetoshootandsetoffmineswhichwemightencounteraroundEngland.

Thursday12October,1939

I woke up in Port Said. This afternoon I surprised everyone including the Captain bydivingoffhisbridgeintotheharbour.Aheightofaboutfortyfeet. Ididn’t thinkthissofunnyafterwardsasoneofthepassengershadsaidhehadseenasharkcruisingroundtheship.

Sunday15October,1939

IamfeelingfedupandboredwithPortSaid.However, fiveorsixmorepassengersareexpectedonboardbeforeweleave.

Wednesday18October,1939

ThankGodweareatseaagainandpeople’snerveshavecalmeddown.Inowhavetotakewatch. I was on watch this morning up themainmast from ten until twelve and thentransferredtothepoopfortheafternoonandeveningwatch.

Thursday19October,1939

I am tired this morning. I am on watch again in themorning, afternoon, and evening.These periods consist of two hours on watch but you are then on two hours’ standbybeforehandsoitisalongdayandnight.

Saturday21October,1939

Thewatcheshavenowbeenchangedtofourhourswithtwohoursonstandby,sotonightIgotthreehourssleepinall.Youhaveahandrattlesoifyouseeanythingyoucanalertthebridge.

Tuesday24October,1939

Iwas up at half past three thismorning and onwatch and, Christ, it is getting cold. Ipaintedtheraftallmorningandhopewedon’thavetouseit.Iwasonwatchagainintheafternoonandnightandit’sbeginningtolooklikeatwelvehourday!

Wednesday25October,1939

Fedup and its nothingbutwork.There is a strongwind and the ship is rolling.At themomentmydayisasfollows,

3.30am Calledbytheseamanonstandby4–5am Watchonthetopofthebridge5–6am Watchonthemainmast6–7.30am Swabdecks7.30–8am Standby8–10am Bath,breakfastandstanddown10–12noon Workonthedeck12–3.45pm Lunchandstanddown3.45Pm Tea4–6pm Watchonthemainmast6–10pm Standbywiththerattleondeck10pm Bed

And shore people complain about a forty-eight hour week! Christ, they’re lucky! It’sgettingcolderandcolder.TheshiphasrunoutofcigarettesbecauseapparentlyweweredueinLondonthreeweeksagosoIamsmokingapipeandadisgustingmixtureofsomestuff called Bulwark and the fewWills’Woodbines I have left over and it is all quitesickening.ImustreplenishcigarettesinGibraltarifwegetthere.Thecrewareallmakingtheirownandeventhepassengersarebeginningtorunout.

Friday27October,1939

Therealityofthesituationandwarisgraduallybeginningtodawnonme.

InPortSaidwewereformedintoaconvoyofaboutfortyshipsofvariousnationalities(I wonder if this is the first big convoy of the war) and I don’t think some of themunderstandtheorders.Thewholeconvoyissupposedtoturnsomanydegreesatacertaintimeandalotofshipseitherdon’tturnontimeorturnatthewrongtime.Thisisallrightinthedaytimewhenyoucanseethembutitisveryhazardousatnight.ThismorningtheFirstMate assembled thewholewatch crewand stresseduponus that the safetyof theshipdependedonthesharpeyesofthewatch.Thelonghoursandthestrainofsearchingoutatnightisbeginningtotellonme.

There isahellofawindandit isgettingcolderandcolder.Thesea isroughandthe

shipjustbehindusisshippingwaterlikenobody’sbusiness.

Saturday28October,1939

WearrivedinGibraltar.

Sunday29October,1939

WesteamedoutofGibraltaratnoonandthereisachangeofwatch.Iamonfromtwelveuntil two standby and then on watch twelve until four morning and night. I spent mystandbyasusualintheableseamen’smessdrinkingtea.ItwasarawnightandIhadnodesiretositaroundoutside.Unfortunately,theAB’squartersareswarmingwithbeetlesofallsortsandsizes–theyareallveryfamiliarandcrawlaboutunmolestedasthoughtheyown the place. The sailors call themSingapore Joes. Iwent onwatch in blinding rain.Luckily, one of the able seamen had lentme his oilskins so I didn’t get toowet.Aftersomehot cocoa I retired tobedathalfpast four in themorningwith the thought that Iwouldbecalledagaininacoupleofhoursforswabbingthedecks.

Tuesday31October,1939

Atfouro’clockthisafternoonwepassedCapeStVincent.ThewindrosesteadilyduringtheafternoonandsinceIamnowonwatchintheafternoonontopofthebridgeIgotthefullfuryofit.

Wednesday1November,1939

ThetwelveuntilfournightwatchisaloathsomebusinessandIfinditverydifficultgettingusedtorisinginthemiddleofthenight.TheABsareaverydecentlotandJoe,mywatchmate,alwayshandsoverhisoilskinsonthecompletionofhiswatch.WehavearrangeditsothathegoesonwatchfirstwhileIamonstandbyandviceversa.Theweatherisfinertodaywithoddpatchesofblueskyandtherehasbeenplentyofmoonforkeepingagoodeye out on the convoy. There have been several near misses with ships turning at thewrongtimebutsofarnocollisions–touchwood.

1.‘Bradgate’,WestHartlepool,thehouseinwhichIwasborn.

2.MyfourbrothersatBamburghCastle,whichmyparentstookeachsummerforourholidays.

3.MymotherwithTerence,Dick,RupertandJohn.

4.WellingtonCollegeSwimmingEight,1937.PHseatedontheleftofCharlieStocken,themasterinchargeofswimming.

5.‘Chick’pilotsintheirnewfeathers,1940.(PHcentre)

6.BlueFunnelTSSMenelausonwhichIreturnedfromPenang,September,1939.

Saturday4November,1939

Whatanight!Galesandblindingrainwithhugeseasbreakingovertheship.ItwasquiteimpossibletoclimbthemainmastsoIwentonwatchontopofthebridge.Iwasdeafenedbytheroarofwindandseawiththebowsheavingupanddownandspraysweepingoverthebridge.ItwasallIcoulddotohangon,pray,andnevermindthewatch-keeping.ThecoldseepedthroughmyoilskinstosuchanextentthatitwasimpossibletosleepwhenIcameoffwatchandeverythinginmycabinwasscatteredaroundthefloor.

Sunday5November,1939

As we approached England there is so much going on around the convoy that I havedecidedtostopmydiaryastheinformationinitmightproveofusetotheenemyifweweresunkandIwaspickedup.AllIcansayisthatwehavelostoneshipinanaccidentandanescorthassunkaGermansubmarine,sotherehasbeenalotofexcitement.

Thursday9November,1939

We are now in the Thames Estuary so I can startmy diary again. I am longing to getashoretoenjoyasquaremeal.Wearethreeweekslateandforthelastweekwehavebeenlivingonbullybeefandship’sbiscuits.Theblackouthasgotoneveryone’snerves.WedockedatTilburyandwereatonceinvadedbyimmigrationofficersandsecuritymen.ThesecuritymenimmediatelyhomedinonMrsBenyonandtookheroffprotesting.Igatherher passport contained German and Russian stamps and they had found an unlicensedrevolverinhercabin.

Asforme,Iaminevenworsetrouble.AnofficiousimmigrationofficerinformedmethattheMerchantNavywasnowarestrictedoccupationandasIwassignedontheshipasacrewmemberIwasintheMerchantNavyforthedurationofthewar!Thiswasterriblenews and didn’t fit my plans at all. So I went back to my small cabin, sat down andthoughtoutmynextmove.LateronIwentandsawtheFirstMateandaskedifIcould

haveshoreleaveforthenight.Hesaid‘yes’andwroteoutaslipofpaperformetogivetothedockyardpolicesayingthatIwastoreturnlaterthisevening.SoIleftallmygearinthecabinandwentdownthegangplank.ThedockyardpolicemanlookedatmychitandwavedmeonandIturnedbacktowardstheMenelausandsaidasilent‘goodbye’.

I had learned a lot frommy time at sea, most of all how to get on in all kinds ofcompany.Ihadagedatleasttwoyearsinsixmonthsandmybodywasfitandhard.Ihadcomedowntotheleveloftheordinarycrewmanandunderstoodhissimplevirtues.Ihadlearnedto‘talkwithcrowds’.To‘walkwithkings’wouldcomelater.

IwasnowadeserterfromtheMerchantNavy.

4

TheRoyalAirForceOnleavingthisaustereroom,Iwasfaced

byacorridorclutteredwithmilitaryparaphernalia,fromalargewoodenpropellerattachedtothewalltooldphotographsofmilitarycoursesIhad

attendedandpicturesofancientaeroplanes.

Mydiarycontinues:

November1939

IhurriedtoLondonwhereI lunchedwithmybrotherJohn,nowaTerritorialCaptainintheNorthumberlandFusiliers.Iamsupposedtobedrowned!MyfamilythoughtIwasontheYorkshirewhichwassunkintheBayofBiscay.WhenIhadwrittenthatIwascominghomeon theMenelaus, the censor had blacked it out and, as theYorkshirewas sailingfromMalaya at the time, they had assumed that she was my ship. John told me thatTerencehadenlistedintheFleetAirArmasapilot.Ifoundmyhatredofhimhadalreadyrecededin theprocessofgrowingup.After lunchIcaught the train toNewcastle-upon-TyneandholedupinJohn’snowemptyflatwhileIponderedwhattodointhefuture.

WellingtonhasputmeofftheArmycompletely.IcanhardlyjointheRoyalNavyasadeserterfromtheMerchantNavy,andmyonlyotheroptionappearstobetheRoyalAirForce.IratherfancymyselfasalatterdayBiggies,soIwroteofftotheRAFRecruitingOfficeofferingmyservicesasavolunteeraircrew.AfterafewdaysIreceivedareplytothe effect that theRAFwere not taking volunteers at themoment but suggesting that Ikeepintouchwiththemmonthly.

AsIhourlyexpectapolicemantoknockonthedoorandarrestmeasadeserter, it isimperativethatImoveoutofJohn’sflatandfindatemporaryjobelsewhere.

January,1940

I read inanadvertisement thatpreparatoryschoolswanted temporarymasters toreplacethosecalledupfortheForces.IregisteredwithanagencycalledGabittasandThringandthejobsbegantoarrive.On8JanuaryIwentdowntoPortsmouthforaninterviewwithaMrFoster, theheadmasterofStubbingtonHouse(thepreparatoryschoolforDartmouth)whichhadbeenevacuatedforthewartoLewes.Heofferedmeapostattheprincelysumof£100perannum.IexplainedtoMrFosterthatIwasonlywaitingtojointheRAFandwouldhavetoleaveatshortnoticewhencalledup.So,suitablyattiredasaschoolmasterinaHarristweedjacketanddarkgreyflannels,IdulypresentedmyselfatStubbington.

Assomanyoftheable-bodiedmastershavealreadyleftforthewarIfindthatnotonly

am I required to take theboys in all games andphysical trainingbut also teach twentyhours a week of History, Geography andMathematics to the bottom form – aboutmymark.Therearearound100boysintheschoolanditreallyisgreatfun–anextensionofWellingtonexceptthatIhaveahundredfagsinsteadoffive!

I ambecoming increasingly impatient to get into uniform, particularly as I dread thethoughtthatthepressgangwillcatchupwithmeandIcouldbereturnedinironstotheMerchantNavy. I have been pestering the nearest RAF recruiting office at Brighton atleastonceaweek,butmeanwhileIhavejoinedthelocalunitoftheHomeGuard.

Heremydiaryended.

***

TheStormBreaks

History has called the period from August, 1939, to May, 1940, the phoney war. Theantagonistswereduginbehindtheirconcretedefences–theMaginotandSiegfriedLines:theFrenchandEnglishcomplacentintheirstaticpositions,theGermansbuildinguptheirstrength andwaiting to unleash theirmobile thrusts into the LowCountries. I had justreturnedformysecondtermatStubbingtonHousewhenthestormbroke.FirsttogowasDenmark, then Norway. In May the Germans launched their blitzkrieg on the LowCountries,witharighthookoutflankingtheMaginotLineandfollowedswiftlybyafullfrontal attack.TheAllied fronts disintegrated and theGermanyArmy swept theBritishExpeditionaryForcebacktoDunkirkfromwhereitwasfinallyevacuatedatthebeginningofJune.

DuringthebattleforFrance,theRAFhadlostoverathousandaircraftintheairandontheground,anditwasthisdisasterthatatlastopenedthefloodgatesforrecruitswiththegreatandhurriedexpansionoftheRoyalAirForce,justpriortothecommencementoftheBattleofBritaininmid-August.

FromnowuntilthefinaldefeatofGermanyin1945,awarwouldrageintheairuponwhich ourwhole future depended. Itwould stretch the capacities of both sides to theirlimits,playingadecisivepartinthefinaloutcomeofthewarasawhole.

Theexperiencesofthenextfiveyears,duringwhichIwouldplaymyownsmallpartinthatgreatconflict,wouldleaveanindeliblemarkonmycharacterand,indeed,uponmywholefuture.SothisisperhapsthetimeatwhichtotakeabrieflookatthebroadpatternofthatairwarandtheterriblepricethattheRAFwouldpayinmenandaircraft.

TheBattleofGermany

Casualties in theBattleofBritainwerequitemodest:fourhundredandthirty-fivepilotslostonoperations,comparedtothehugecasualtiessufferedduringtheBattleofGermany.Thatgreataerialconflict,thelikeofwhichtheworldhadneverseenbeforenorwaslikelytoseeagain,waswagedrelentlesslyforthreelongyearsdayandnight.Thescorewouldreachacrescendoin1942withanarmadaof1,000aircraftoverCologne.ItonlyendedwhenGermany,reelinglikeafatallywoundedbull,finallysanktoherkneesandgaveup.TheBattleofGermanywasalongandenormouslycostlybattleinmenandaircraft;nightafternightscoresofaircraftfellintothecauldronoffireandsteeloverGermanywithtalesofexceptionalcourageandcowardiceremaininguntold.Theremainderoftheforcecrept

homeinthecoldlightofdawntoregroupandlicktheirwounds,whiletheLiberatorsandFlyingFortressesoftheAmericanAirForcecircledEastAngliaintheearlymorninglikeflocksofwildgeeseinathermal,wheelingandmanoeuvringintohugeformationsbeforesettingcoursetofacethesameperils.

In this aerial battle RAF losses alone in aircrewwere over 47,000 and on theworstnightof thecampaignninety-fouraircraftwere lostoverNuremberg (elevenpointeightpercentof theforce).StatisticallytheaveragelifespanofacrewinBomberCommandwasabout threemonths, somewhatbetter than thatof a subaltern in the trenchesof theFirstWorldWar,butstillnotmuchto lookforward to. Itmustalsoberemembered thatmostofthesewereofficeraircrewofthehighestcalibre,menwhomthecountrycouldillaffordtolose.Beforetheintroductionoflong-rangeescortfighterstheAmericanEighthAirForcetookamostterriblehammeringinthedaylightraids.

Without the tenacity, determination and single-mindedness of one man, ‘Bomber’Harris,*theawfullossinlifeandmaterialcouldwellhavecalledahalttothecampaign.Harrisbelievedcompletelythatthebomberoffensivecouldbyitselfwinthewar,buthewaswrong.However,theBattleofGermanymeritsaplaceamongthegreatestbattlesofourhistory,buthasneverreceivedit.Evenworsehesufferedsinisterdenigrationafterthewarby left-wingadministrationsandcritics. Itmaynothavewonthewarbut thisgreatcampaign had to be fought and the war could not have been won without it. It soweakenedtheenemy’smilitarymachineandresolvethattheinvasionofEuropebecameareality and finally a success. There can be no record of how many more submarines,bombers,tanks,V1SandV2StheGermanscouldhaveproducedhadtheynotbeenforcedtodivertresourcesintoresearchanddevelopment,manpowerandtechnicalcapacityintothe production of defensive weapons against the bombers. Dismissing the armchairstrategists mesmerized by statistics, what better authority than Speer himself, GermanministerofarmamentsandwarproductionwhohadlittledoubtoftheeffectsthatstrategicbombinghadonthesituationontheRussianfront,theAlliedinvasionandreductionintheGermanoffensives?

***

AircrewCadet

Atlonglast Iwas instructedtoreport to theaircrewreceptioncentreatUxbridgeon26July,1940,andtheperiodofwaitingwasover.Afterthehardstruggletogetaccepted,myentryintotheRoyalAirForcewasbewilderinglyeasy.

ThesceneonarrivalatRAFUxbridgewaslikePaddingtonStationattheheightoftherush hour, packed to overflowingwith youngmen clutching documents, hurrying fromoneimportantpointtoanotherinthemachineryofprocessingrecruits.Uxbridgewassoovercrowdedthat,afterdrawingacoupleofblanketsfromstores,mostofusslept,toetotoe, onhardboards, eight to a bell tent, rowsofwhichhadbeenhastily erectedon thegrasssurroundsoutsidethepermanentbarrackblocks.

Afterfillinginendlessformsandundergoingamedicalexamination,Ifinallyendedupon the third day in a line of recruits queuing up behind the desk of an elderly andharassed-lookingofficer.Heretheinterviewwasshortandverymuchtothepont:

‘HaveyougotanOTCCertificate“A”?’

‘Yes,Sir,’Ireplied,producingthedocument,‘fromWellington.’‘Excellent,thenIwillputyoudownforofficeraircrew.Reportnextdoor.’

Theunfortunaterecruitbehindme,whilenodoubtaveryworthyyoungman,didnothavethiscertificateandIjusthadtimetoheartheofficersay,‘YouarerecommendedforNCOaircrew.’Theprocessnextdoorwassimilarexceptthattheofficeraskedme:

‘Whatcategoryofaircrewdoyouwishtovolunteerfor?’‘Pilot,Sir.’‘Sorry,’ he replied, ‘we’renot takingpilots thisweek, only air-gunners.We

willinformyoulaterwhentherearevacanciesforpilots.’AsIdidn’thavethepriceofareturnrailwayticketIstammered:‘Allright,Sir,I’llvolunteerasanairgunner.’

Onsuchrashspontaneitycanone’sfatebesettledandIwasacceptedbytheRoyalAirForceVolunteerReserveon12June1940,forthedurationof‘thePresentEmergency’.Ihadn’tthefaintestideawhatanairgunnerwassupposedtodo.

LeavingUxbridgeIwassentthefollowingmorningtoBridgnorthforformalinductionintotheRAF.AtBridgnorthIwasswornin,kittedout,immunizedagainsteveryknowndisease,drilledandgenerallymuckedaroundforamonth.Itwasalsomyfirstexperiencebutnot the lastof the jealousyanddislikeofaircrewcadetsby the regularNCOs,whotriedeverywayofintimidatingandbullyingthemwithoutresortingtophysicalviolence,althoughonoccasiontheycameveryclosetoit.

ThesuddenfloodofrecruitsfollowingthedefeatinFrancehadcausedablockageinthetrainingpipelinesofromBridgnorthIwaspostedtoanoperationalbomberstationatRAFLinton-on-Ouse in Yorkshire for on-the-job training. This station was equipped withWhitleys,anancienttwin-enginedbomberwhichflewthroughtheairtail-downlikesomeungainly tropical insect; itscrewsgrimly joked that it tookoffatninetymilesperhour,climbedatninetymilesperhour,cruisedatninetymilesperhourandthenlandedagainatninetymilesperhour.

My days were spent in the armoury dismantling, cleaning and re-assembling theaircraft’sdefensivearmamentofBrowning.303machinegunsunderthewatchfuleyeofaseniorNCO.OccasionallyIflewasortieintherearturrentwhentherewasashortageoftrainedairgunners.ThisexperiencequicklyledmetotheconclusionthatIhadjoinedthewrongtrade:therearturretwasalongwaydownhillfromthebusysocialandactivelifeatthe front end. Not only was it cold and lonely but, due to the elongated tube of thefuselage, the cramped turret rotated and vibrated like an unbalanced and crazy Ferriswheel.Iquicklyappreciatedthatthereargunnerwasthelowestformofaircrewlife;theothercrewmembersseemedmilesawayandonelongedforsomesortofcommunicationwith themifonly tosayabrief‘goodbye’.Thepilotwasaverysuperiorsortoffellow,pamperedbytherestofhiscrew,soIrapidlymadeupmymindthatitwasfarbettertobeapilotthananairgunner,adistinction thenasdistantasashopassistantfromthefloormanager!

Ourfamilysolicitor,DudleyAppleby,hadjoinedtheRoyalAirForceatthebeginningofthewarandatthattimewasstaffofficertotheChiefofAirStaffintheAirMinistry.Takingthebullbythehorns,Iranghimupandexplainedmypredicament.Hemusthave

beeninapositionofgreatinfluencebecausewithinafortnightIwasremusteredtocadet-pilot,whichmeant that Iwore awhite flash inmy fore-and-aft cap, andwas posted inOctober, 1940, to the Initial TrainingWing (ITW) at Aberystwyth for amonth’s basictraining.

AtAberystwythwewerehousedinthehotelsandguesthousesstretchedoutalongthesea-front which had been requisitioned and stripped of furniture and fittings for thedurationofthewar.FromthattimeuntiltheendofourtrainingIneverseemedtomoveexceptinabodyofmenundertheordersofanNCO,andpersonalprivacybecamejustamemory.

TheheroicexploitsoftheFewintheBattleofBritainhadsofiredtheimaginationoftheyoung that thecreamof thepublicschoolshadflocked to join theRoyalAirForce,who welcomed them with open arms to top up their depleted fighter squadrons.ConsequentlythecompanyIkeptatITWwasnotfarremovedfromthatinthesixthformatWellington.Myparticularfriendswereallstraightoutoftheirpublicschools–RobbieBeresford-Peirse, Arthur Innis, Lloyd Davies (all Etonians), Ken Birley, Eric Masters,JohnAyshfordandTomLatus(theonlyoldermemberofourgroupwhoattwenty-sevenand with a real moustache seemed positively ancient).We had a picture taken, posingproudly inbrandnewflyingkit,byanadmiring localphotographermuchmorefamiliarwithsnappingholidaymakersonthefrontthanaspiringknightsinarmour.(OfthisgroupLloydDaviesremainedacloseanddearfrienduntilhediedinthetangledwreckageofacar just after thewar, following a head-on collisionwith another vehiclewhile drivingdownthemainrunwayatRAFSyltinGermany,takingashortcuttotheOfficers’Messafteramidnightbathe.Alightinmyheartwentout.Therestofthemdisappearedintothepitofwar.)

Our training was based on a pre-war syllabus sandwiched so much in time that IcompletedmyabinitioflyingonTigerMothsinjustonemonthbetween5October,1940,and5November,1940, atNo.22ElementaryFlyingTrainingSchool,Cambridge.Thisunit was really Marshall’s civilian flying school, where all the ground instructors andsomeoftheflyinginstructorswerecivilians;therewereoneortwoRAFofficersbutmostof the other Service flying instructors were sergeant pilots who vented their dislike ofofficer cadets by indulging in a variety of aerial indignities designed to induce violentvomitingintheirstudents.

FromCambridgesomeofuswentontoNo3ServiceFlyingTrainingSchoolatRAFSouthCerneywiththeAirspeedOxford,atwin-enginedaircraftwhich, togetherwithitscivilian sister the Envoy, was built by Airspeed at Portsmouth. This was a greatdisappointment to us, as, in company with all the young men of the time, we sawourselvesasdashing fighterpilots.The twin-enginedOxfordsmeant thatweweremostlikelydestinedforbombers.

My flying course began on 8 November, 1940, with my instructor Flying Officer‘Froggie’,Frenchwhowasamostdelightfulandcivilizedperson.WeimmediatelybeganinstructionontheOxfordwhichwasthenusedextensivelyformostcategoriesofaircrewtraining.ItwaspoweredbytwoCheetahXradialengines.Thesewerefine,providedthattheybothworkedatthesametime,butononeenginetheOxfordwasasod.

The first hour or so of dual instruction was taken up with trying to manage theawkwardnessofsingle-engineflying.However,after threehours’dual Iwasdespatchedoff solo andmanaged to steer my aircraft around the regulation square circuit, carefulnever to let the airfield out of sight, and finally perpetratewhat can only be called anexcuseforalanding.

As November gave way to December the weather began to get worse and worse,covering the Cotswolds with thick clammy low cloud and fog, giving a taste of theappallingweathertocomeinthatsecondwinterofthewar.DuringthehalcyonsummerdaysoverCambridgeshire,withtheBattleofBritainbeingfoughtaboveustothesouth,IhadenjoyedflyingtheTigerMothinthemannerofaclubpilot–safebutneitherboldnorbrilliant.ButnowcopingwiththeOxfordinfoulweatherwasquiteadifferentmatterandIbegantorealizethatacutefearandflyingwerefrequentcompanions.

Accidentshappenedwhenyouleastexpectedthem;eventsleadingtoadisasterseemtocomeinthrees–theweatherdeteriorates,theradardevelopsafaultandfinallytheenginefails.Youareleftinextremefearonthebackofabuckingbroncowhichisdeterminedtounseatyou.IhadjustreadabookcalledSomePracticalExperienceofFlyingbyHamelandTurner,publishedin1914.Althoughwrittenintheearliestdaysofflying,itbecamemyfaithfulcompanion.Therewasoneparticularpassageinthechapteron‘AptitudeforFlying’thatItooktoheart:

Thepopularideathatthemanwithoutfearisthemantobecomeagreatflyerisentirelywrong.Mostofthebestflyersaremenwhoarekeenlyapprehensiveofpossibledanger,whoneverforgetthepresenceofdanger,andwhohaveaverywholesomedreadofthemanycausesofdisaster.Norareanyofthebestflyersmenwhonolongervaluelife.Thereckless,aswellasthevainglorious,manmayshineforawhileintheaerialworld,buthiscareerwillbeverybrief.

UnfortunatelyGustavHameldidnottakehisownadvice,sinceshortlyafterhisbookwaspublished, he collected a new racing monoplane in France and, despite warnings of afaultyengine,tookoffforHendon.Thisgreatandgallantpilotwasneverseenorheardofagain.

ShortlyafterreadingthatbookIlearnedmylessonthehardway.Indeeditwasafalsesense of security that led me into a trap and a lesson that I shall never forget – thatelementsandmachineshaveahabitofganginguponunwarypilotsand,unlikeacar,itisnotpossibletogetoutandwalk.

One of the exercises we were required to undertake was an instrument flight cross-country.On this exercise the first student pilot flew the aircraft from the left-hand seatand,havingsettleddownoncourse,thesecondstudentpilotintheright-handseat,actingasasafetylook-out,pulledablackclothoverthepilot’shead(ratherlikeaperambulatorhood)whowas then required to fly around a triangular course on instruments. On theflight inquestion Iwasauthorizedas the safetypilot toa fellowstudentcalledWisely-Wickam.Theweatherforecastwasnotgood–overcastwithbrokenraincloudsat1,000feet over base but deteriorating to the east along our route. However, as it was goodenoughtotakeoff,ourinstructorauthorizedtheflightwithawarningtoretraceourstepsiftheweathergottoobad.

Accordinglywesplashedacrossthemuddyairfield,bouncedintotheairandclimbedto4,000feetwherewefoundanarrowtunnelwithreasonablevisibilitybetweentwolayers

of cloud.Wisely set course and began flying on instrumentswhile I kept a lookout forotheraircraft.Theweatherdidgetworseaswefleweastandafterawhilewebegantoflyoverasoliddarklayeroflowcloudwiththevisibilitydeterioratingallthetime.IwarnedWisely of the worsening situation and pulled the hood back so that he could look forhimself. After a short discussion we decided to continue on flight plan which wouldeventuallybringusbacktosomewhereinthevicinityofbase.

We had just turned onto the second leg of our cross-country when we bothsimultaneouslysawwirelessmastsaheadstickinguplikecocktailsticksthroughthefog.TheirsuddenappearancequiteunnervedWiselywhoturnedtomewithhisusualoathandsaid, ‘Christ,wemust get down.’ I did not dispute his decision as all pilots know thatwhenfacedwiththeunusualthereisanoverpoweringtemptationtogetbackintocontactwithMotherEarthasquicklyaspossible.

Hepushedthestickforwardandweweresoonspeedingdownthrougha thick,blacksoupyfog–1,000feet,700,500,400,300,200,100feetandsuddenlythegroundrusheduptomeetus.Wiselyjusthadtimetopulloutandwithanotherloud,‘Christ’stabbedtheundercarriagedownandbegantorunhiswheelsatoveronehundredandthirtymilesperhour alongwhat appeared in the fog to be a grass field.Another interesting fact aboutsituationswheredeathanddestructionappearimminentisthateventsseemtoslowdownlike the images flickering in the individual frames of a slow-motion film, so that ahaystack seemed to only loom leisurely out of themist. I desperately tried to pull theaircraft over it, butwith a great lurchwe struck itwith the portwing.While the blowreducedourforwardmomentumweneverthelessspedonminusawingandengineuntilwebrokethroughahedgethis timesheddingthestarboardwingandengine.Crossingaroad,theremainsoftheaircraftclimbedupanothertallhedgeontheoppositesidebeforewefinallycametoresthangingtwentyfeetabovetheground,stillfirmlystrappedinourseats.

Whatwas so surprisingwas the total silence aswe sat therewithout speaking, eachwrappedinourownprivatethoughts.Ihadbeenconsciousoftwoverypowerfulemotions– first, a sickening fear of theunknownaswediveddown through the fog,whichwasfollowedalmostimmediatelybyafierceexcitementwhenwehittheground.

HowlongwesatthereIdonotknow,perhapsjustaminuteorso.Iwaswokenupfromthisreveriebyanothergreatshoutfrommyfriendwhoutteredwithhisusualbrevityandclarityofspeech,‘Christ,thankGodwe’redown.’Ipushedbacktheperspexwindowofthecockpitand lookeddownontoagrassvergebelow.Alittleold ladycameintoviewandstoodbeneaththewindowlookingup.‘Areyouallright?’shecried.

‘Yes,’Ireplied.‘Wouldyoulikemetogoandfetchyouacupoftea?’‘No,’Isaid,‘Idon’tthinksoatthemoment.’

BeforeIcouldsayanythingmoresheturnedaboutandwalkedoff.ThatwasthelastIsawoftheoldladybutthevisionofhertoddlinggailyoffintothefogswingingalargecarrier bag remains firmly planted in my memory. Perhaps she often came uponaeroplanesperchedperilouslyonthetopofhedges.

Stifflyandpainfully,sincewewerebadlybruisedfromthejoltingwehadreceived,we

climbedoutofourseats,pickedourwaythroughthewreckageanddroppedtotheground.Stillinourflyingsuitsandhelmets,wewalkeddowntheroadinsilence.Afterabouthalfamilethelaneledintoamainroadwithapublichouseonthecorner.Approachingthebuilding,thelandlordemergedfromthemaindoorwearingaheavyoldArmygreatcoat.He looked at us, startled, and said, ‘Are you English?’ To which we answered in theaffirmative.He lookedmuch relievedandcontinued, ‘Iheard theenginesofyourplanecomingdown through the fog and the the crash–doyou come fromRAFAbingdon?’‘No,’we replied, ‘but canwe come in anduse your telephone?’He led us into the barloungebutnoamountoftryingcouldraiseanoperatoronhistelephone;thiswasnottoosurprisingasIdidrecallseeingalotofwiresdrapedaroundthewreckedfuselageandwemusthavepulledallthetelephonelinesdowninourprogressacrosscountry.

FortunatelyRAFAbingdon, justamileorsodownthemainroad,hadalsoheard thenoiseofourenginesandsentoutasearchpartywhichfoundushappilydowningourthirdfreewhisky.WeweretakenbacktotheirsickquartersandthenreturnedbyambulancetoSouthCerney.

Undernormalcircumstancesweshouldhavebeensuspendedfromflyingforwriting-off a valuable aircraft, but such was the demand for aircrew at that time that ourpunishmentwasverylight–confinedtocampforamonth,aredendorsementinourlog-booksandwhenevertherewastimebetweensortiesweweredispatchedtorunalapoftheairfield perimeter in flying kit complete with parachute – an exhausting and veryundignifiedexercise.

The winter of 1941 was an appalling one even by English standards. The airfieldbecameabogandeveryflightastruggleagainstlowcloud,rain,snowandice.Notonlydid theweather turnagainstusbut theGermansdid too.Theybegan tomount intruderoperationsinHeinkelIIIsagainstRAFtrainingbases,divingoutoflowcloudandstrafingthe airfieldswith bombs and guns by day and night, chasing any luckless student theyfoundintheair.

WestartednightflyinginJanuarywhichnecessitatedflyingouraircraftoverBibury,asubsidiaryairfield,inthelateafternoons.Therewelaidoutalineofgooseneckflaresandwaited for theweather to clear enough to start the night flyingprogramme.Night afternightwesataroundincoldNissenhutshuddledovertheonewoodstoveandfortifiedbytinmugs of tea, only to return to SouthCerney at dawn having achieved nothing.Onenight,afterlayingouttheflarepathwithmyoldfriendWisely-Wickam,wewerewalkingback to thecrewhutwhen the inevitableHeinkelcamedown the flarepathsprayingusand the parked aircraftwithmachine guns.We both hurled ourselves under the nearestvehicle for cover and,whenwe finally emerged, found it was the petrol bowser. I feltdestinedtoendmydaysinWisely’scompanybutatleastheseemedongoodtermswithChrist!EventuallyImanagedanhour’sdualon10Februaryandamonthlaterafurtherforty-fiveminutes’dualfollowedbythreesolonightlandings.Thatwastheextentofmynight-flyingtraining.

Asthecoursedrewtoanendtheexcitementofourfuturefatemounted.IquiteenjoyedflyingtheOxfordandhadbeguntolookforwardtoheavybombers,althoughbothLloydDavies’andmyownfirstchoicewouldstillhavebeenfighters.WhenourpostingscamethroughIjustcouldnotbelievemyeyes.Afterall,myfriendsandIwerestillnineteeen

anddesperatetogetintothefightingwarandwetalkedaboutlittleelse.NowthreeofuswerepostedtoNo.2CentralFlyingSchool,Cranwell,onaninstructors’course.Wewereaveragepilotsandhadnoexperienceofoperations;itwasimpossibletoimaginehowthedecision tomakeus instructorshadcomeabout.Theonlyattribute that Icouldseewasthatallthreeofuscouldtalk‘proper’andperhapstheythoughtatleastourfuturestudentsmightbeabletounderstandus.MostofmyfellowstudentswerepostedtobombersandalmostallofthemwerekilledintheBattleofGermany,soperhapsintheendweweretheluckyones.

FlyingInstructor

On10April,1941,wereportedtotheRAFCollege,Cranwell,conspicuousinourbrandnewuniformwithoneverythinstripeonoursleeves,butneverthelessveryproudofourpilot’s flying brevet. Although the cadets had long since departed, the atmosphere andmany of the trappings remained. Efforts had beenmade at camouflaging, but themaincollegebuildingsandtowerstuckoutlikeasorethumbontheflatLincolnshirelandscape.(Rumour had it that Goering, an admiring pre-war visitor, had given his LuftwaffeinstructionsnottobombCranwell.)TheOfficers’Messcontinuedtoberunonstrictlypre-war lines and the old civilian servants were still there to look after a new and quitedifferenttypeofyounggentleman.Therewasnobarandyourangabellintheanteroomforamesswaitertobringadrink.Aquietsherrybeforedinnerjustaboutsetthesceneandpilotofficerswereexpectedtobeseenandnotheard.However, therewereanumberofold lagsonmycoursestraight fromFighterCommandand theBattleofBritainand thenormal peace of the anteroom occasionally erupted into a riotous party, when thepermanentresidentswouldbedrivenout.

Theflyingwasalsofairlygentlemanlyaftertherigoursofthepreviouswinter,andwepractisedgiving instruction(called‘patter’) througha longrubber tube toeachotheronthesingle-engineAvroTutor,whichwasthestandardRAFtrainerofthethirties,andthenonmyoldfriendandadversary,theOxford.Wewererequiredtoflyouraircrafttotheirlimits, including aerobatics in the Oxford. I managed to execute a barrel roll quitesatisfactorilywithmyinstructorFlyingOfficerStrauss,aSouthAfricanwithahairlipandapronouncedlisp. ‘Now,’hesaid, ‘Iwilldemonstwaiteawoop.’Whereuponheopenedthethrottlesfully,divedtheaircrafttogainthenecessaryspeedandthenwithbothhandshauled firmly back on the stick.Upwewent, passing the horizonwith the nose goinghigher and higher until we reached the vertical. At that point the Oxford gave up theunequalstruggle,hungforabriefmomentbeforefallingbackagaindownthesamesteeppath throwing dust and an accumulation of loose articles all over the cockpit. Mycourageousinstructorwasnottobedefeatedandinanevenfirmervoicecriedout,‘IwillnowdemonstwaitetoyouhowtowooptheOxford.’TheexactmanoeuvrewasrepeatedseveraltimeswithFlyingOfficerStraussbecomingmoreandmoreexcited,untilIthoughttheaircraftmustfalltobits.Hefinallygaveupwithadisconsolatesigh,‘Wewilltwyandwoopanotherday, theengineson thisaircraftarewotten.’Wenevermanageda loopasvery shortly afterwards the tail cameoff an aircraft on the same exercise, crashing andkillingtheoccupants,andtheOxfordwasdeclarednon-aerobatic.

Thecoursefinishedon23MayandIbecamequalifiedtoinstructonmulti-engineandelementarytypeaircraft.Ididnothavetotravelfartomynextposting.IndeedIkeptthe

sameroomintheMess.TogetherwithLloydDavies,Ibecameaflyinginstructorat theRAFCollegeFlyingTrainingSchoolwhichusedthesouthairfield,whereasCFShadusedthe north airfield. On 6 June I collected my first clutch of eager students and beganinstructingthemontheOxfordwhichIhadhardlymasteredmyself,andcertainlynotatnightsinceIhadonlygonesoloonceandgettingupanddownagainonablacknightwasstill an adventure for me.We did our night flying at a subsidiary grass airfield calledBarkstone, very similar to the set-up at Burford except that theGermans gave us evenmoretroublebyharryingthebomberandtrainingbasesinLincolnshire.Quitealotofthetimeofajuniorinstructorwasspentat theendofthelineofgooseneckscontrollingthetake-offsand landingsofaircraft,usinganAldis lampgivinggreenor redsignal lights.WhileIwasatCranwellonenewinstructorgaveagreenforanaircraftontheapproachtolandwhichitdulydid,andtaxiedaroundagaintothetake-offpoints.Theinstructorgavetheaircraftanothergreenfortake-offanditwasonlywhenitturnedintowindontheflarepath thathe sawwithhorror thehuge swastikaon the fuselageof aHeinkel! I supposeevenGermanshadasportingsenseofhumour.

Isoonlearnedtounderstandwhatitwasliketobeaninstructor.IntheearlystagesofthecourseIlivedandbreathed‘circuitsandbumps’,withmypupilshittingthegroundinevery conceivable attitude, from which I tried to extract the aircraft without crashing.However,Ieventuallygotmyfledgelingsoffsolo.Wethenstartedthenightflyingphaseandbetweenmyself andmystudentswemanaged toavoidenemyactionandsomehowget the aircraft around the circuit and down on the ground again in one piece, until indesperationIagainsentthemoffsolo.Theyseemedtocoperatherbetterwithoutmyhelp.YetBarkstoneinthegreylightofdawnwaslikeascrapyard,withOxfordsstickingoutofevery hedge; in 1941 Training Command was breaking more aircraft than themanufacturerscouldproduce.

WehadnotbeenatCranwellvery longwhenIdiscovered thatDudleyAppleby,whohadalreadybeensohelpfultome,hadforsakentheAirMinistryforthepleasuresofthecountryside and was now the Personal Staff Officer to the Air Officer Commanding(AOC) of the TrainingGroupwhoseHeadquarters were also at Cranwell. Lloyd and IcalledonDudleyonedayandheinsistedonintroducingustotheAOC.Ihadneverseenanything higher than a Group Captain before and trembled in the presence of such animportantofficer.Heturnedouttobeamostcharmingpersonandimmediatelyextendedan invitation to dinner the followingweek.Driving to theAOC’s residence a fewdayslater, some ten miles away, we exchanged thoughts which were remarkably similar:‘Wouldn’titbesomethingifhehadabeautifuldaughter.’Andhehad–aseventeenyearold ravishingcreature.Lloydwasanextremelygood-looking tallEtonianwith themostdelightfulandpolishedmannerssoitcameasnosurprisewhentheyfellinloveandIwasrelegatedtothepositionofausefuldecoytoallayhermother’ssuspicionofanyfoulplay.

OnemorningLloydawokemepaleanddistraught.‘Peter,oldfriend,’hesaid,‘we’reinterribletrouble.’‘Whatdoyoumean?’Iasked.‘Last night there was an awful row at the AOC’s. June confessed to her

mothershehadmissedherperiodandthatIwastheculprit.Madamisfurious.’‘Lloyd,’ I replied, ‘what do youmean,we’re in trouble; it looks as though

you’retheoneintroublenotme.’

‘Well,myoldsport, itappearsyouandIarebracketed together in thisdealandwearerequiredtoreporttotheAOC’sofficeatteno’clockthismorning.’

Atexactly teno’clockoneagedFlightLieutenantand twoyoungPilotOfficersstoodstiffly toattentionbefore theirAOClistening toa resuméof theircharacterswhichwasquiteunprintable.Theinterviewconcludedwiththeinformationthatallthreeofusweresuspendedfromdutypendingposting.

TheoutcomewasthatpooroldDudleyAppleby,whoseonlycrimehadbeentoeffecttheinitialintroduction,waspostedbacktotheAirMinistryfromwhichhehadstrivensohard to escape. Lloyd was posted to Rhodesia and I, who had enjoyed none of thepleasuresoftheencounter,wasgivenapostingtoNo.36ServiceFlyingTrainingSchool(SFTS),Penhold,Alberta.(Andthenofcourseitallturnedouttobeafalsealarm,amerehiccup in themenstrual cycle and the young lady’s period picked up again happily ontime.ButLloydandIwereseparatednottomeetagainuntilafterthewarwhenwewerebothmarried,andhewassoontobekilled.)

I had come to realize quite quickly that I enjoyed a distinct advantageover the boysstraightfromschool,toughenedasIwasbymonthsatseaworkingamongsttheroughestofsailors.Itwasnotthatpublicschoolboyswerenottough;onthecontrary,ifWellingtonwas any example the opposite was true; it was just that the attitude taught by publicschools,astrictcodeofhonourandbehaviour,mayhavebeenallverywellontheplayingfieldsofEtonbutwasnotconducivetosurvivalinthekindofwarandagainstthekindofenemy we were being trained to face. While I did not purposely avoid danger, I wasinstinctivelymorekeenlyawareofthetroublespotsandtherighttimingrequiredtoplayroughwhenthegoinggottough.InretrospectIamsurethatalotoftheseyoungmenwerekilledbefore they reallyknewwhat hadhit them.Later on as thevoracious appetite ofBomber Command hungrily began to consume aircrew, the type of recruit changedaltogether.BythetimeIbecameaflyinginstructorthetypeofrecruithadalreadybeguntochangefromtheyoungschoolleaverstomiddle-classprofessionalpeoplebetweentheages of twenty-five and forty with a consequent reduction in medical and physicalstandards.Unfortunately,wealsobegantogeta typeofrecruitattractedbytheglamouranduniformof theRAF,butwhohadno intentionofgoing into actionorgettinghurt.Thiscouldbeachievedbybeingjustgoodenoughtoreachtheendofthecoursebutthenensuringafailureonthefinalflyingtestbeforebeingremusteredtoyetanotherbranchofaircrewandsorepeating theprocess foras longaspossible.Thissmallnumberbecamequite easily recognizable by their smart turn out, slick manners and well-trimmedmoustachesbuttheRAFsooncaughtontotheirtricks,classifiedthemintoagroupundertheheadingofLMF(lackofmoralfibre)andpostedthemtoaspecialunit.

WhenIjoineduptheRAFwasnotthemeritocracyithadbecomewhenIleftthirty-fiveyearslater.Thepre-warclasssystemwaseasilyidentifiable.TheCranwellofficersweretheélite,withtheshortservicecommissionedofficerswelldownthesocialscale.EvenatWellington(whichhaditssnobbishpriorities–Cranwellat thebottomandWoolwichatthe top) a story had circulated about a young man straight from school seekingemployment,returninghomeonedaytoconfronthisparents.Shamefacedlyhefacedhisfather,

‘Iamafraid,Father,youarenotgoingtolikethis.’

‘Tellmetheworstmyboy.’‘Ihavetakenajobplayingapianoinabrothel.’‘Thankheavens,’repliedhisfather,‘foranawfulmomentIthoughtyouwere

goingtosayyouhadacceptedashortservicecommissionintheRAF.’

Furtherdownthescalewasanothercategory,NCOaircrew,inaverydifferentsocialclassof their own fromWarrantOfficer down toCorporal. It seemed completelywrong thatafterworkingtogetherasaclosely-knitcrewitsmembersshouldpartandgotheirseparatewaystotheirvariousMesses.Eventuallyallaircrewwerecommissioned,whichwasnotonlymuch fairer but itwas farmore convenient administratively for thewhole crew tolive together inoneMessandif theywereshotdowntoremaintogether inanOfficers’POWcamp.

The war introduced more categories into the caste system. The Auxiliaries, easilyrecognized by the letter A in their tunic lapels, and the University Air Squadrons. Irememberstanding stagestruckon theplatformofaLondon railwaystationearly in thewar, gazing spellbound at themost delectable sight of anRAF Flight Lieutenant in anofficer’s greatcoat, collar turned up, polka dot silk scarf, no hat, suede shoes and anumbrellawith,ofcourse,theAnestlinginthebadgesofhisgreatcoatrank.

WhilethedifferencesbetweenCranwellandshortserviceofficersweremarkedbeforethewar,sotheearlyVolunteerReserveentrieswereaboutequallydividedbetweenpublicandnon-public school entrants.AtMarshallswehadbeen a small happy streamof ex-publicschoolboyslivingandbehavinginmuchthesamemanneraswehadatschool.AtSouthCerneyallthesesmalltributarieshadcometogetherintothemainstreamofflyingtraining and our groupwasmuchmore varied in both age and background, so that thenearerwegottothefrontlinethemorethedivisionsbecameblurred–courageandflyingskillwerenorespectersofclass.

After joining in thewaragainst theThirdReich,Canada,AustraliaandNewZealandwerealsodeterminedtoformtheirownflyingsquadronstofightalongsidetheRAF;thusan agreement was signed at Ottawa in December 1939, to establish the Empire AirTrainingScheme.Thedividendsof trainingoverseas ingoodweather away fromdensecentresofpopulationhadbeenappreciatedwellbefore thewarby theRAF,foundedontheir experience with a flying school situated at Abu Sueir in Egypt. England was toprovidenearlyalltheaircraftandanucleusofskilledmen,whiletheothersmadeuptherest.Thisgreatenterpriseeventuallyexpandedtotwenty-fiveElementaryFlyingTrainingSchools, twenty-five Service Flying Training Schools, fourteen Air Observer Schools,fourteen Bombing and Gunnery Schools and two Air Navigator Schools in Canada,Australia and New Zealand. In addition, three Service Flying Training Schools wereformed in Rhodesia, principally for the RAF, and South Africa also opened her owntrainingfacilitiesfortheRAF.ThefirstflyingcoursebeganinCanadaattheendofApril,1940. The scheme had the capacity to produce eleven thousand pilots and seventeenthousandotheraircrewayear–notrainingschemeofsuchmagnitudeandcosthadeverbeenconceivedbeforeorsince.

TheEmpireAirTrainingSchemeprovedtobeofoverwhelmingadvantageingainingair superiorityoverourenemies, trainingavery largenumberofBritish,DominionandAllied aircrews, safe from interrogation, in thegreat open spaces and clear skies of the

Commonwealth.

SoinJuly,1941,withmypostingtoNo36SFTS,Penhold,Alberta,Canada,Ibecameaminusculeandveryreluctantcoginthisgreatmachine.IhadstruggledbackfromMalaya,desertedfromtheMerchantNavytogetintothefightingandnowIwasunceremoniouslyshuntedevenfurtherwestwardsintheoppositedirection.Onhearingthenews,mysister-in-lawwrote,‘Hownicetohearthatatleastonememberofthefamilyisgoingtobesafe.’Thiswasasgoodasbeinggivenawhitefeather.

***

Almosttheentirestaffofthenewschool,headedbyaGroupCaptainofFirstWorldWarvintage, distinguished by his 1914–18 campaign ribbons, ‘Pip, Squeak and Wilfred’,assembledinLiverpoolandboardedtheStrathedenboundforHalifax,NovaScotia.

ToCanada

TheStratheden, likeCranwell,hadnotyetsheditspeacetimeeleganceorambience.Wewere treated like first classcivilianpassengers in spaciousaccommodation,everywhimattendedtobywhite-jacketedstewards.Thestylewasofsherrybeforedinnerandvintageportafterwards;only thepeckingorderwasdifferent, the tablesbeingarranged instrictorder of service seniority withmy new station commander removed as far as possiblefromhisjuniorofficers,seatinghimselffirmlynexttothecaptainoftheship,watchingthechargesintentlyforanybreachofetiquetteordiscipline.

We sailed on 7 July, 1941, and our progress across the Atlantic was peaceful andmeasured,sailingfarsouthtoavoidGermanU-boats,disembarkinginHalifaxsomeninedayslater.Eightofus,underthecommandofSquadronLeaderMaxwell,remainedbehindto ferry the school’s first eightOxfords. These had been crated in England, shipped toCanada,andwerenowbeing reassembledat theHalifaxairbase.The remainderofourpartysetoffbytrainonthefive-dayjourneyacrossCanadatoCalgaryandPenhold,wherethey arrived in themiddle of a great prairie stretching fromhorizon to horizonwithoutaeroplanes,airmenorstudents.

Meanwhile,inHalifaxwewaitedandwatchedwhileouraircraftwereassembled.Asitturned out the main problem was a complete lack of trans-Canada route maps. (TheOxford was not fitted with any kind of radio or navigation aids.) This was finallyovercomebyavisittoalocalgaragewhichhadenoughroadmapsforourgallantleader,who thenbriefedus:allwehad todowas to followhimacrossCanada fromgarage togarage!

OurroutetookusacrossCanadatoNorthBayandKapuskasing,Wagaming,Winnipeg,Virden,ReginaandfinallyRAFNorthBattleford,Saskatchewan,wheretheaircraftwereto be based. Itwas awonderfulway to seeCanada and throughout our journey itwasimpossiblenottowonderatthegreatairstationsbeingconstructedacrossthebreadthofthe land, bulging with Canadian, Australian, New Zealand, British and Allied airmen.FromNorthBattlefordwetookthetraintoCalgaryandthenontotheCalgary-EdmontonLine where the train was persuaded to make a halt at the single grain elevator calledPenhold. Some time before the war a bare airfield had been laid out at Penhold as anemergency landing field for civil aircraft and it had excellent runways.By the time theRAF arrived a hutted camp had been erected to themost basic standards necessary for

flying training; it saida lot forCanadianheating systems that even in thedepthsof thearcticAlbertawintersthehutsandhangarswereincrediblywarm.AfterEngland,themoststrikingthingaboutPenholdwasitsfeelingofisolationinthevastflatprairiearoundusstretchingacrossAlbertaandSaskatchewan.TothewestofPenholdyoucouldjustseethefoothillsoftheRockiesandonacleardayinthewintercatchaglintofcrystalwhitesnowonthemountainpeaksahundredmilesaway.

I returned toHalifax to undertake somemore ferrying but instead received orders toescort our first contingent of airmen across Canada. I imagined this would be anundemanding task,but thatcouldnothavebeenfurther fromthe truth.As the trainwas‘dry’,anddespitemyentreaties toremainonboard,myfaithful troopsdisgorgedoutofthestation in largenumbersateachhalt in theirendeavour to race toandfroma liquorstorebeforethetrainleftagain.Inevitably,manywereleftbehindandnotafewdecideditwouldbemuchmorefuntoabscondaltogether,manyendingupacrosstheborderintheUnited Stateswhichwas not then atwar. I did not find it at all easy explaining tomyGroupCaptainhowIhadmanagedsomehowtolosesixteenmeninfivedays.Fortunatelythefirstcoursearrivedon30Septemberandwesettleddowntostartflyinginstruction.

Thesummerswerehotandthewintersharsh,althoughbrokenoccasionallybythefinewarmspells referred toas Indiansummers; thespringandautumnwere lovelywith theprairiecarpetedbygoldencrops.Thepeople,liketheseasons,werebothopen-heartedandhardy; theywere great party givers and goers and theRAFwere to prove verywillingpartners.

The winters sometimes made flying difficult with chill factors minus forty degreesFahrenheit not uncommon. Most of the time the weather was bright and clear butsometimes snow was driven by mountain winds in great blizzards across the flatlandscape,makingitalmostimpossibletoventureoutside.Onthecoldestofthesedaysitwas necessary to start the aircraft in the hangars, slipping them out one by one beforetaxiing to the runway, otherwise even the oil froze. Except in blizzards, the weatherseldombrought flying toahaltandveryefficientCanadiansnowploughskept runwaysclear,pilingupthesnowoneithersideuntilyoutookoffandlandedbetweentwothickicewalls.Occasionally theArcticwinterwas relieved for awhile by awarmPacificwindcalledaChinook.Indeed,weatherforflyingthroughouttheyearwassogoodthat,unlikein England, we never fell behind our targets and were able to turn courses out likeclockwork.The longwinterprovidedmanydifferentkindsofactivities, skating,curlingandicehockey;anditwasonlyaboutfourhours’drivethroughCalgarytoBanffwheretherewasexcellentskiingattheweekends.

Iquicklyfell inwith theconvivialcompanyofmyfellowinstructorsandindeedone,Flight Lieutenant Christopher Foxley-Norris, who had already fought in the Battle ofBritain,becamealifelongfriend.AsaveryjuniorPilotOfficerIwasprivilegedtojointheclubofthelessserious-mindedofficersconsistingofthemoreexperiencedand‘blooded’pilots,mostlydistinguishedandalreadybemedalledFlightLieutenants.Isoondiscoveredtherealreasonformyowninitiationintothisdelightfulcircle.WeseldomsawourreveredStationCommanderexceptonoccasionsintheMess.Itbecamethepracticeofmybandofnewfriendstopushmeforwardintestingjusthowfarwecouldgowithouraloofstationmasterinsuchmattersasimmoderatebehaviour,dressanddrinkingintheMess.

Itwasnot longbeforetheGroupCaptaindecidedthat thisparticularflyhadbotheredhimlongenoughandIfoundmyselfdulymarchedintohisofficebyaWingCommanderandswattedwithanofficial reprimandknown inRAFcirclesasanadverse report.TheproceedingswerenotdissimilartomyfirstbeatingatWellington.Nothingspecificjust‘Idon’tlikeyourattitude,infactyourwholepresenceoffendsme.’IreplacedmyheadgearandwasmarchedoutandIdon’trecallthatheeverspoketomeagain.

Month bymonth thewar passed and I could only read about the great events in theoccasionalbundleofEnglishpaperswhichreachedus–theGermaninvasionofRussia,thefirstthousand-bomberraidonGermany,thebattleofElAlamein.ThewarcamealittlecloserasPenholddevelopedintoabusyrefuellingstopforthesteadystreamofBostons,MitchellsandAerocobrasheadingnorthoverAlaskatotheArcticwhere,ontheverytopof the world, Russian pilots took them over. Also the pressure on turning out coursesbecamegreater andgreater as the enormous casualties inBomberCommanddemandedmoreandmorereplenishmentaircrews.Standardsfellandithardlymatteredhowbadthematerialwas;as longasstudentscouldgetoff thegroundandbackontoitagaininonepiecetheywerefedthroughthesyllabusasifthroughasausagemachine.

WellsatisfiedwithmyworkandranknowthatIwasaFlightLieutenant,mysociallifesettled intoanorderlypattern. Ispentmostofmyoff-dutyhoursat thehomeofa localCanadian family, the Wests, in Innisfail, and courted the elder of their two charmingdaughters.InnisfailwasabouttenmilessouthdownthemaintarmacroadtoCalgary,notabadhighwayexceptwhenseverefrostscratereditdeeplyinthewinter.Theroadsleadingoffit intothesmallvillagecommunities,ofwhichInnisfailwasone,werenomorethanrutted tracks. These small communities grouped along the main highway served theoutlying prairie farmers; they were sleepy hamlets during the week but erupted at theweekendswith the influxof farmersand theRAFwhenstores,beerparloursanddancehallsdidaroaringtrade,withSaturdaynightscenesnotexperiencedsincethegoldrush.

TwoorthreethousandpeoplelivedinInnisfailwhichhadonemainstreet,dominatedbytheWests’countrystore,withafewothershops,acinemaanddancehall.Themainmeeting place for the young was the drug store (not a chemists) for ice cream andhamburgers, owned by a Chinese who was eventually run out of town for distributingnude pin-ups with their heads substituted by cleverly touched up photographs of thetown’sleadingladies.Therewasalsothechurchandanopen-air icerinkforthewinter.The track led out of town amile or so to theRedDeer river,where it crossed an ironbridge and fanned out into a number of even more rudimentary tracks to the isolatedfarmsteads,andwestwardsintothewildfoothillsoftheRockyMountains.

ThelongerIremainedaninstructorthemoreIlearntaboutflying.TheTigerMothandTutor on which I had learnt to fly demanded some knowledge of aerofoils andaerodynamics.Awell-executedslowrollinaTigerMothneededaskilfulmovementofalltheflyingcontrols,elevators,rudderandailerons–aco-ordinatedeffortofhandsandfeetlargelyunknownbytoday’spilotsflyingbycomputer.

TheOxford,withitstwoCheetahengines,wasamuchmoredifficultaircrafttomanageandbecauseofthisanditsabilitytoabsorbpunishmentitwasagoodtrainingaircraft.Atthis time very little was known about the theory of asymmetric flying. If you wereunfortunate enough to suffer an engine failure, it became a question of usingmore and

moreoppositeengineandmoreandmorebootandruddertocompensate;thegeneralideawastostayintheairaslongaspossibleinordertofindaspacesuitableforlanding.

However,theCheetahwasaveryreliableengineandIonlyexperiencedonefailure.Wewere night flying from Innisfail on a particularly dark night. The pupil took off and ataboutsevenhundredfeettheportenginebeganvibratingandthrowingoffsparks.Itookover thecontrols, throttledback theprotestingengineandbegan thepainfulbusinessofstaggeringaroundthecircuittomakeasingle-enginelanding.Withnoradiotowarnthegroundofanytrouble,wecarriedinsteadaVerypistolpointeddownthroughaholeinthefloorbetweenthe twopilots.Thegreenandredcartridgeswereclippedontothepupil’ssideofthefuselagesoIinstructedhimtoselectandfireared.Unfortunatelyhepanickedandfailedtoreplacethepistolinitsholeandfireditintothefloorinstead.

Theeffectwasstartlingas thecockpit filledwithacridredsmoke,andsoonthefloorbegantoburn.WhathadbeenadifficultsituationrapidlybecameanemergencyandIfeltlikesaying,‘Youhavecontrolnow’anddepartingswiftlyviathereardoor.However,byopeningthewindowandstickingmyheadoutintotheslipstreamIcouldstillmakeoutthedimlightsof the landingfield, so throttlingbackbothenginesand,adoptinga tolerablegliding speed,we headed our aircraft, lit up like aChristmas tree, towards the landingfield. More by luck than good judgement we crossed the boundary and crash-landed,slidingontheaircraft’sbellyacrossthemainrunway.AtthesubsequentenquiryIstronglyrecommendedthatmystudentwouldbebetteremployedinsometradeotherthanflying.

Althoughwewereflyingataveryhighintensitytogetcoursesthroughontime,lifeinouroff-dutyhourswaspleasantandsafe,anditwouldhavebeeneasytositbackandletothers do the fighting. Yet I became more and more dissatisfied with the boredom ofreading about a war that I could not take part in. Periodically Station Routine Ordersinvitedvolunteersforallkindsof jobsfromferryingUSlend-leaseaircraftpurchases toflyingHurricanescatapultedoff thedecksofmerchantshipsontheMurmanskconvoys;mynamewentforwardforallofthemtonoavail.

Finally,in1943,IwaspostedtoRAFGreenwood,anewlyformedMosquitoOperationConversionUnit(OCU)ontheeasternsideofCanadaintheprovinceofNewBrunswick.Greenwood,unlikePenhold,hadbeenapermanentandwell-foundedRoyalCanadianAirForcestation.TheMosquitoaircraftwerebrandnew,builtinCanadianfactoriesandfittedwithMerlin-Packardengines.Thedifferencebetween theOxfordand theMosquitowasaboutthesameasthatbetweenacart-horseandapedigreefilly.Someaircraftdidnotfeelcomfortable flyingand theOxfordwasone; ithad tobecoaxed,protesting, into theairwhilst theMosquito, impatient on the ground, took to it joyfully. Itwas not a difficultmachinetomasterbutIhadbeentaughtatCFSandpassedontomystudentstheartofpureflying–correctturns,nicelyjudgedprecisioncircuitsandlandings,goodairmanshipand discipline. My OCU instructor, a hard-bitten ex-operational pilot, finally lost histemperwithme,‘ForGod’ssake,Horsley,stopfartingaroundlikeapansy.Tryflyingbytheseatofyourpantsforachangeandthrowthebloodythingaroundascrudelyasyoucan,otherwiseyouwillbeshotoutoftheskyonyourfirstsortie.’Ididn’tmuchcareforhimorhismanners,buthewasquiterightandItookhisadvicetoheart.

There were about a dozen experienced pilots on the course, together with the samenumber of rookie navigators straight out ofCanadian training schools. The pilotswere

givenjusttwenty-fourhourstochoosematesfromthesenavigators,whohungaroundtheMessinlittlegroupslikevirginalschoolgirlsabouttoberaped.Wehadnoideaoftheirprofessionalabilityandinourchoicecouldonlydependuponinstinctandsomefeelingofcompatibility. So after a very brief courtship I asked FrankGunn to team upwithme.Frankhadbeennicknamed‘Bambi’byhisfellownavigators,soBambiheremained,anditwasnotdifficulttoseewhyhehadearnedthisnickname:hehadtheearsandeyesofastartledfawn,young,innocentandtotallyunsuitedforeitherflyingorwar.Ireallybelievehe hated it all – the people, the noise and the roughness. It was not long before Idiscovered thatBambiwasnearly always sick as soonaswebecameairborne,whetherfromfearormotionIneverasked.Hetookabrownpaperbagwithhimforthispurposeand,onceover,Bambisettleddownquietlyandcompetentlytohisjob.HehadprobablyneverbeenawayfromhomebeforeandIdon’tthinkIwasmuchhelptohim;thereisnodoubt that withmy assistance he could have remustered to ground duties but he stuckgrimlytoflying.

Marriage

Thecourseproceedednormally. It ismuchmoredifficult toexplain thepersonaleventswhichfollowed.Itwasmorethanjustficklenessthatmademeproceedstraightfromthetenderlovingcareofoneyoungladyintothearmsofanother.Ihadbeenraisedinanageofsexualinnocence.TheonlyinstructionIhadreceivedwasfrommyTutorwhomadeoutthat‘It’wasnotverygoodforgames.Thechipswerestackedagainstahealthymale;nicegirlswereofflimits,masturbationmadeyoustammer,prostitutespassedonunspeakablediseases. In fact homosexuality atWellington was looked on as far more normal thanhavingitoffwithyourfriend’ssister.

The war had released a lot of inhibitions about sex, particularly with the influx offoreign troops; the Polish, French and then American servicemen established enviablereputationsasableandgenerous lovers. Indeedquiteafewmembersof theRAFsewedFrenchorPolishtabsontheirshouldersbeforegoingonweekendleaveinLondon,thusincreasingproductivityimmeasurably.Waralsoerodedcaution;takewhatyouwillwhileyoucan.Marriagewasenteredintolightly.

GreenwoodnestledsnuglyintheAnnapolisvalleywithinafarmingcommunitywhosemaincropwasapples.ThisprovedofpopularsignificancetotheRAF,providingbothalethalbrewcalledapplejackanddeerstalkingatnightbytorchlightthroughtheorchards.Onafreeafternoon,aboutaweekafterthebeginningofthecourse,BambiandIvisitedthe local village to do some essential shopping.Waiting for the return bus to campwecalled inataRedcrossdance in thevillagehallwithnothingmore inmind thana freemeal. Two young aircrew officers caused quite a stir and it was easy to bask in theadmiringglancesofthelocalmaidens.

7.Colombo,September,1939.Our1917vintageJapanesegunisswunginboard.

8.PHgunlaying.TryingtohitanorangeboxoutsideColomboHarbour.

9.Onmainmastwatch.FirstconvoyoutofPortSaid,November,1939.

10.MybrotherTerence.

11.SkiingfortheRAF,1952.

Therewasoneparticularlyattractivegirl.WhatmadeherevenmoretantalizingwasthefactthatshewasnotparticularlyimpressedbyaFlightLieutenant.Afterafewdanceswesatout.IlearntthatshewasstudyingpsychologyatArcadiaUniversityfiftymilesdowntheroadandwasvisitinghergrandparentsonafarminthevicinity.IalsodiscoveredthatshehadbeenengagedtoafellowstudentatArcadiawhohadleftearlytojointheRoyalCanadianAirForceandhadbecomeoneofthefirstleadingCanadianfighteracesofthewar,WingCommanderSydneyFord,DFCandBar,whohadbeenshotdownandkilledover France six months previously. No wonder she was not impressed by a FlightLieutenantwithoutamedaltohisname.However,risingtothechallenge,Ifishedforandnetted an invitation to a sororitydance atArcadiaUniversity the followingweekend. Itturnedout tobeapleasantevening,butno lightsflashedorbellsrang.Wemet threeorfourtimesduringthenextweekorso.Itwasnotapassionatecourtshipbyanystretchof

the imagination, but at that point in time we seemed to need and enjoy each other’scompany.

AlittleoverthreeweeksafterourfirstmeetingPhylliselopedfromuniversityandweweremarriedatseveno’clockoneeveninginthechurchatWolfville,NovaScotia.Justassimple as that. The whole operation had been touch and go because my StationCommander had required two references for the good character of my bride-to-be inaccordance with King’s Regulations. Naturally Phyllis, as a Canadian, felt somewhathumiliatedbytheKing’sattitude.Alsoherparents,scentingsomethingwasamiss,werehurryingnorthfromIndianatoextracttheirdaughterfromwhateverscrapeshewasfallinginto.JohnRowley,aFlyingOfficeroftheRoyalAustralianAirForce,positionedhimselfatthedoorofthechurchtorepelboarderswhointheeventfailedtoturnup.WerepairedtotheOfficers’messforourreceptionandtothelocalhotelforourweddingnight.

The course ended almost simultaneously andwewere rewardedwith aweek’s leavebeforereportingtoatransitcampnearHalifax.PhyllisandIsetoffbytraintoMontrealforadelayedhoneymoon.Wewouldbothagree in restrospect thatourhoneymoonwasnotagreatsuccess.HerparentshadbythistimecaughtupandfollowedustoMontreal,stillshouting‘foul’,andinstalledthemselvesinthenextbedroomatourhotel.Toescapetheirattentionswemoved toadesertedmotelhiddenaway in theLaurentianmountainswheregettingtoknoweachotherbetterprovedevenmoredifficult,sincebynowshehadlearnt of my other entanglement on the opposite side of Canada which I had failed toexplainbeforeweweremarried. Ihadmistakenly thought that lovewould rub the slateclean,butthisonlydemonstratedhowlittleIunderstoodwomen!Thisomissionbecameaconstantsore.

BacktoEngland–andtheWar

Wereturned to theeast,Phyllis tostaywithhergrandparentson their farmandI to thetransitbasetofillinpapersformywifetocometoEnglandinduecourse,andtowaitfora return passage formyself. Itwas not long before the end of 1943 that, togetherwiththousandsofCanadian troops, Iwassqueezed likeasardine ina tincan into theQueenMary.

Sixofus,includingaPolishofficer,wereallocatedasmallcabindesignedforacouple,andnowjammedwiththreetwo-tierbunksandwithaminutebathroom.Thelasttoarrivewas a very elegant and to us elderly Flight Lieutenant, an ex-airline pilot called BillOliver, who had just finished a tour ferrying aircraft between Montreal and the WestIndies. He was followed into the cabin by two airmen carrying a large, old-fashionedbrownleathercabin-trunkwhich,despiteourprotests,wasparkedin theonlyremainingfreespace.ThissoenragedourPolethatheretreatedtothebathroom,smotheredhimselfwith highly-scented after-shave and disappeared for the rest of the voyage, no doubthavingfoundaladywillingtosharehercabinwithhimsomewhereelseonthegiantship.

We settled downwhenBillOliver,with amerry ‘Hope you guys knowhow to playpoker’,openeduphiscabintrunktodisplaytrayupontrayof40ozbottlesofBourbon.Mealswere taken in two shifts, six in themorning and six at night. As the cabinwaspermanentlyblackedoutandwedrankandplayedpokercontinuouslyitbecamedifficulttomake outwhetherwewere leaving the cabin for breakfast or dinner. Thuswe sped

unescorted for five days across the Atlantic. We never saw the sky during the wholevoyage.Eventhedeckswerecrowdedwithtroopspreferringfreshairandasecuritysaferthanthebowelsoftheshipwheretheyhadbeenbilleted.

Somemonthslatermywife,incompanywithanumberofotherCanadiangirlsmarriedtoEnglishmen,waspermittedtoleaveforEngland.ShehadaghastlyAtlanticcrossing;their largeconvoynot longoutofHalifaxwasrepeatedlyattackedbypacksofU-boats,split up and picked off ship by ship the length and breadth of the ocean. She had theterrifyingordealofseeingshipssunkaroundher,thelongnightslitbythefiresofburningwrecks, her own ship jammed with survivors. At this time my brother Terence was aLieutenant Commander in the Admiralty and had been following the progress of herconvoyintheOperationsRoomfromthetimeit leftHalifax.Hecalledmeonedayandaskedme tomeethim inLondon,wherehe informedme thata largepartofmywife’sconvoyhadbeenseverelyattacked,withheavylosses.Theconvoyhadbeendispersedandhehadnoideaofthefateofanystragglers.ButeventuallytheylimpedonebyoneintoLiverpool.

OnherarrivalinEnglandPhyllisjoinedacommuneofotherCanadianwivesmarriedtoEnglishmenwhowerelikemyselfawayonoperations,forbythistimeBambiandIhadjoined our operational squadron and were heavily involved in the war – at last. Thiscommunedevelopedinto‘littleCanada’,anislandofdiscontent,constantlycriticizingtheEnglishandtheirquaintideasofplumbingandheating.Theirlifewassoinsecure,neverknowingoftheirhusbands’whereaboutsorsafety,thatitwasonlynaturalthattheyshouldclingtogether,livingfromoneshortvisittoanotherbetweensporadictelephonecalls.Thehousewasforeverchangingitsshapeandnatureashusbandswentmissingonoperationsand babieswere born. Tome, arriving back for a weekend away from thewar, it wasworse than a madhouse. Sometimes, in a fury, I would drive away all the hangers-onenjoying freemealsandaccommodation, leavingonly the twoor threeoriginal familieswho,onceIhadleft,wouldimmediatelystartbuildingagain.IntimeIbecametheenfantterribleandthevillainofthecommune.

* Air ChiefMarshal (laterMarshal of the Royal Air Force) Sir Arthur Harris, Commander-in-Chief BomberCommand.

5

BeforetheStormIpasseddownthiscorridor,idlybaskinginoldmemories.Attheendofit,Iwentthroughadoorintoasombreroomwhosefarwallwasintheshadows.Imomentarilystoppedandlistenedtothesoundofmutedwhispersofunknownvoicesechoinginthedarkness.

Oh!Ihaveslippedthesurlybondsofearth

Anddancedtheskiesonlaughter-silveredwings;

SunwardI’veclimbed,andjoinedthetumblingmirth

Ofsun-slitclouds–anddoneahundredthings

Youhavenotdreamedof–wheeledandsoaredandswung

Highinthesunlitsilence.Hov’ringthere

I’vechasedtheshoutingwindalong,andflung

Myeagercraftthroughfootlesshallsofair.

Up,upthelong,delirious,burningblue

I’vetoppedthewindsweptheightswitheasygrace

Whereneverlark,oreveneagleflew–

And,whilewithsilent,liftingmindI’vetrod

Thehighuntrespassedsanctityofspace,

Putoutmyhand,andtouchedthefaceofGod.

JohnGillespieMageeJr.

The two chapters which follow, ‘Before the Storm’ and ‘The Storm’, were writtenimmediatelyaftertheeventsdescribedandduringaperiodofconvalescenceasItriedtoputmythoughtsandlifeinsomesortoforder.However,ratherthanclutteruppageswithfootnotes I have added some historical detail which emerged later from other sourcesaboutthisperiod.

AfteraverybriefrefreshercourseattheMosquitoOperationalConversionUnitatRAF,HighErcall inShropshire,BambiandIwereposted toNo21SquadronRAFHunsdon,Hertfordshire,apartofNo140Wing.21SquadronwascommandedbyWingCommander‘Daddy’DalewhohadbeenthechiefflyinginstructoratPenholdandwhomIknewwell.No 140 was a mixed CommonwealthWing composed of an Australian Squadron (No464),aNewZealandSquadron(No487)andNo21whichhadasmatteringofCanadians

init.Weallgotonverywelltogether.TheWingwasahighlyspecializedlow-leveldayandnight forceof some eightyMosquitoVI fighter/bomber aircraft.These carried four250lbbombstogetherwithgunarmamentoffour20mmcannonsandfour.303machineguns.

WehaddonenoweapontrainingatGreenwood,andHighErcallhadbeensupposedtoremedy this.However,No2Grouphadbeen so short of crews that the coursewas cutshortandthefollowingwasenteredintomylogbook:

ThispilotisassessedashighaverageandcommencedIntruderTraining,butisnowbeingpassedoutcoursenotcompletedtoaNo2GroupSquadron.Helacksformation,lowlevelbombingandgunnerypractice.

On joining 21 Squadron I managed three low-level training sorties and three dive-bombingsortieswith28lbpracticebombsbeforegoingonmyfirstoperationaltrip,flyingnumber two to Daddy Dale, the Squadron Commander. It was a daylightWing attackagainst a flying-bomb site atLesHayons andwas the first time I had dropped a 250lbbomborfiredmycannons.Theeffectwasstartling.Thenoiseandsmokeinthecockpitfrom the cannons were just as frightening as the enemy flak! It tookme a number ofoperationalsortiestogetusedtothisexperience.

140Wingwasinvolvedinanumberofspectacularraidsrequiringpin-pointlow-levelbombing accuracy, including that on the Amiens prison – Operation JERICHO. Theobjectivewas to breach the prisonwalls and release the several hundredprisoners heldthere, some of them members of the French Resistance awaiting execution. EighteenMosquitos, six from each squadron led by the Station Commander, Group CaptainPickard,alreadyafamouspilotandstarofthefilmFforFreddie,flewthroughthewintersnowattree-topleveltoattacktheprison.Hisaircraftwastheonlyonetobeshotdownby German fighters, crashing in the gloom just a few miles from the prison. He wassucceeded by another distinguished pilot, Group Captain Peter Wykeham-Barnes, whowould eventually retire, after a distinguished career, as an Air Marshal, having beendecoratedinthewarwiththeDSOandbar,DFCandbar.

Most of themissions inwhichwe flewwere night intruder operations flown againstGermanairfieldsandaircraft,divertingtheattentionoftheLuftwaffeawayfromattackingourmainbomberforce.ThistypeofintrusioninvolvedgropingourwayacrossEuropeatlow level,usingwhatevernavigational clueswereavailable.Oncewe reckoned thatwewereinthevicinityoftheairfieldwehadcometoattack(wewereluckytoeverfindonelitup)weclimbedtoabout4,000feetanddivedswiftlyintotheblackholeaheadwiththenavigatorcallingoutheights;3000,2000,1000feet,bombsaway!Allthistime,inorderto avoid giving their position away, theGermanswould keep quiet. Once bombsweregone we were almost always automatically coned in searchlights and sprayed withexploding shells and tracer.Theaircraft, buckingwith freedom from its load,wouldbethrown into an escape route, throttles fully open, jinking and weaving as close to thegroundasonedared.

Each mission was an individual one, always flying at low level under the enemydefences,evenonthedarkestnight,andrequiringahighdegreeofconcentration.Thefirstaircraftwouldtakeoffintothelastshredsofdaylight,followedatshortintervalsbyoneandthenanotheruntilthewholeWingwasairborne.Fromthenorthtothesouthanddeeptotheeast,Europebecameabattlegroundwhereneithervillagenorcity,soldierorcivilian

werespared.

Onshortermissionswewouldoftenflyaseconddetail,usingthelongnighttoturntheaircraftaround,refuelandattackagain,onlyreturningasthedawnbegantobreaktocrawlatlastintodew-coveredtentsandacoldsafaribedtotryandsleepthroughthemorning.

Once,onaclearnightdeepoverFrance,Ipickedupthesilhouetteofalargeaircraft,flying close to the ground.We crept up behind it, primed the guns and thenmoved inslowly with a healthy respect for a possible tail gunner whomust have been asleep. Iwantedtobequitesureofanidentificationbeforefiringandsuper-cautionmademegoineven closer until thewhole silhouette becamequite clear. Itwas anRAFStirling and Ibrokeawayinutterfrustration,albeitrelief.TheseaircraftwerebeingusedfordroppingarmsandsuppliestotheMaquisandwereneverclearedorannouncedbeforehand.Theyreliedon their stealth in thedarkness to avoid friend and foe alike, and this onewouldnever know just how lucky he had been. This became such a common occurrence thatsomebrilliantstaffofficerinNo2Groupdevisedaschemewhereby,beforepressingthetrigger, pilots were required to transmit on their radios, ‘Bogey, Bogey, waggle yourwings’.Ifthetargetfailedtooblige,youshot.Fineintheory,butnofunonadarknightwithpracticaljokersatworkandtwoorthreehundredaircraftinandoutofcloud,someminding their ownbusiness, suddenly franticallywaggling theirwings in abject fearonhearingthe‘Bogey,Bogey,waggleyourwings’call.Theschemelastedbutanightortwoandnodoubtthestaffofficerconcernedwaspromoted.Wecontinuedtostalkfriendandfoealike.

Moreandmorefrequentlyinlate1943andearly1944allthreesquadronsflewtogetheras aWing on daylightmissions against the flying-bomb sites,whichwere code-named‘NoBall’ targets,alongtheFrenchCoast.Bythetimeofmyfirstmissionagainsta‘NoBall’target,tacticshadbeenfairlywellestablished.Thesiteswerenormallyconstructedinwoodsororchards,andconsistedofamain launcher,whichwaseasily recognizable,shapedlikeaskiorhockeystickandwhichtheGermansmadenoeffort tocamouflage,togetherwithtwoorthreestorageandassemblybuildings.Thesitewasdefendedbybothlightandheavyflaktowers.

Thesuccessofanymissiondependeduponaccuratenavigation, routeinganddetailedknowledgeofgundefences. Itwas thekindof flyingpilots loved, skimmingacross theChannel,churningupthewaveswithpropellertips,clippingthetreesoverFrance,twentyor thirty aircraft dancing across the countryside in open battle formation in a carefreeribbonofclosecomradeship.

Therewere always a number of narrowgaps, someonly two or three hundred yardswide, in the chain of defences along the coastwhere you could slip in under the radardefences.AnothertacticwastoflyjustabovethecrestofthewavestothecoastandthenthewholeWingwouldrocketupto4000feetabovelightflakandthendivedownagaintotree-toplevel.Althoughthisclearedthegundefences,enemyradarwasabletopickusupandalertthefighterstolieinwaitahead.

Flyingaslowasfiftyfeetabovethegroundtoattackthesetargets,itwasvitaltomakeastraight-inapproachatthecorrectangletotheaimingpointandloborskipthebombsintothebuildings.Itwasliketryingtoflickadartintothebull’seyeofadartboard.Although

the bombs were time-fused, it was necessary to maintain tight formation discipline toavoidbeingblownupbythebombsoftheaircraftinfront.

Oneparticularentrytoasiteareawasmarkedbyawoodenshedfromwhichastreamofmachine-gun firealwaysgreetedus, aimedbyanunknowngunnernicknamed ‘HansSchmidt’. To maintain this excellent navigation point, Hans Schmidt was permitted tocontinuehisprivatewaragainsttheMosquitosuntilDaddyDalelosthistemperonedayandsprayedtheshedwithcannonfire.AsweturnedtowardsthetargetacowwasseentoemergefromtheshedandnomorewasheardfromHansSchmidt.DaddyDalewasnotverypopularthereafterwiththerestoftheWing.

Becausewewereflyingsoclosetotheground,damagefrommachineguns,lightflakandeven rifleswasheavy.During theperiodof attacking these ‘NoBall’ targets,No2Group flew nearly 5000 sorties, lost forty-one aircraft destroyed and 419 damaged bygunfire.Itwasnotaratewecouldsustainforlong;bytheendofMay,1944,AlliedAirForceshaddestroyedover103sitesleavingonlyaveryfewoperable,andtheMosquitosofourGrouphaddonethelions’shareofthedestruction.

Required to move at short notice, the Wing led a spartan existence entirely undercanvas. The purpose of inflicting such an uncomfortable existence on the aircrew wassupposedly to toughen us up for the coming invasion of Europe where we would beexpectedtoleapfrogacrossEuropefromairstriptoairstrip.Followingthemiserablycoldwinterof1943/44,andinpreparationforthisinvasion,wepackedupourtentsandmovedfromRAFHunsdon to a dreadful old grass airfield inGravesend, near London,wheremetalplankinghadbeenlaidinlieuofarunway.Gravesendwasanundulatingfield,andafterthesmoothconcreterunwayatHunsdontheMosquitowithafullloaddidnottakekindlytoit.Atnight,whentheundulationsinthestripwereinvisible,itwaseasytohoptheMosquitoalongitlikeakangaroo,becomingairborneonlyonthelastbounce.WelostourAmericanpilotAndyWakehamthiswayonenight,stallinghisaircraftofftheendofthestripintotheThames.Onanotheroccasionacrewovershotintoafield,demolishingahaystackwhichhid a landgirl courtingwithoneofour surprisedand indignantground-crew.

OneearlyJunemorningIcameoutofmytentarounddawnandheardanoiseintheaircomingfromtheeastunlikeanythingIhadeverheardbefore.Icouldonlydescribeitasnot dissimilar to a motorbike engine, a staccato phut, phut. This winged creature fleweerily fastand lowjust to thenorthof theairfield,downtheThames in thedirectionofLondon.IknewimmediatelythattheGermanshadgottheirflyingbombsoperationalandthatwehadfailedtodestroythemallontheground.Itwasaterribleshocktoactuallyseethese obsceneweapons flying overEngland.Thiswas the start of the secondBlitz andfromthenontheycamethickandfast,dayandnight,somedirectlyovertheairfield,sothat itsoonbecameimpossibletooperateproperly.Oncemorewepackedourtents intolorriesandtheWingtookofflikeaswarmofbeesforasaferhive,thistimeRAFThorneyIslandontheSouthCoast.

EachSquadron lived in its own tented camp, grouped around threewidely separatedSquadronAircraftDispersals.TheWingonlycametogetherformealsinalargemarqueeerected on the lawn outside the permanentOfficers’Messwhichwas out of bounds toWingaircrew.RoyalAirForceThorneyIslandhadbeenawell-establishedpre-warstation

andthestationofficersworkedinpermanentbrickbuildingsandlived,soweimagined,alifeofOldRileyintheOfficers’Mess;itwasrumouredthattheyevenenjoyedhotbathseveryday,whereastheWingaircrewmanagedasbesttheycouldbydrawingwaterfromabowserandheatingitonprimusstoves.Atnight,throughthewelllitwindows,wecouldwatch them eating and drinking in splendid comfort which widened even further thedivisionbetweenaircrewandgroundofficers, leading toacontemptandridiculeonoursideandacertainguiltysulkinessontheirs.

Thepatternofour lifeatThorney Islandwassoonprettywell established. I sharedatentwithBambi.WenormallyroseatmiddayandassembledintheSquadronDispersaltowaitforthe20cwttruckstocarryusaroundtheperimetertracktothemesstentforlunch;aroundtheairfieldthesamewashappeningintheotherSquadronDispersals.LunchtimewasasocialandhappypartofthedaywhenthewholeWinggatheredtogetherfordrinksandlunch.ThelifeoftheFlyingWingwassocompressedintimethatanyterrorsoftheprevious night had passed and the fears of the night to come were pushed into thebackground.Ourconversationavoidedreferencetomissingcrewsandfacesandgenerallycentredaroundflying.Asthedrinkflowed,thetalkingroupsbecamemoreanimatedandthestoriestaller;‘Itellyou,oldboy,Idroppedonerightdownthefunnelofatrainanditfinished up the arse of the stoker.’ ‘The flak was so accurate it would have brought apigeondown,’andsoon.Thepreviousmonthacrewfrom,Ithink,No464Squadron,onadaylightsortie,hadobservedatrooptrainenteringamile-longtunnel;theyproceededtoblocktheexitwithtwowellplaced250lbbombsandthen,withcommendableinitiative,closed the entrancewith another salvo, bottling the train up inside. This storywas thesubjectofmuchribaldhumourforweeksascrewstriedtocapit.

DaddyDalewasconsiderablyolderthanmostoftherestoftheWing.Oneofthefewpre-warpilots,hehadbeeninvolvedinaseriousaircraftaccidentwhichhadlefthimwitha gammy leg and a large dent in the top of his head. Indeed, he had a great deal ofdifficultyclimbinginandoutofthesmallentranceandcrampedcockpitoftheMosquito.He was one of the nicest and kindest senior officers I had ever met and revelled inoperationalflying.Inpeacetimehehadbeenextremelykeenonhuntingandlookedonthewholebusinessofwarasanextensionofhunting,withGermansastheprey.Hewasalsoveryabsent-mindedandanaturalbuttforthepracticaljokesofthemuchyoungerofficers,all ofwhich he tookwith gentle good humour. These practical jokes generally centredaroundDaddy’stent;healwaysparkedhisstaffcarjustoutsideitandatleastonceaweeksomeonetiedaguyropetothebumperandDaddyDaletookoffacrosstheairfieldtrailinghistentbehindhim.ItalwaysworkedandkepttheWinginhootsoflaughter.Isometimessuspectedthatheknewwhatwashappeningbutcontinuedtoexpresssurpriseandfurytokeep us all amused. Ground officers seldom penetrated such tightly-knit groupswhosegossipandreparteehadproduceditsownspecialslang.

Theworkingdaybeganjustafterlunch,whentheStationbecamealiveasGroupOrdersweredigestedanddissectedintoWingandSquadrondetailsaccordingtotheavailabilityof aircraft and crews.Around the dispersals the ground staffwould still beworking onmaintenance, patching and repairing aircraft after the previous night’s operations, thesilenceonlybrokenby thenoiseof engine runs andair tests.Lateronbombing-upandarmingwouldbeheraldedbya long lineof trolleys snakingaround theperimeter trackfromthemainbombdumptoindividualdispersals.

ForBambi and I, thiswouldbe tent-tidying time, airing andmakingour safari beds,tuckingawayyesterday’slaundryintoadirty-linenbag,checkingguyropesandpegsand,if timepermitted,writingletters– infactall thedomesticchoresfamiliar tocampers.Iftherewasanairtesttodo,crewswouldbecalledoutbutnormallyweonlyairtestedourown aircraft. We would then make our own tea on a primus stove in the tent beforestacking personal belongings in a neat pile on the shared folding table – photographs,letters, wallets. Each of us was responsible for ensuring that the other carried noinformationwhichwouldgiveaway the locationor tasksof theWing ifwewere takenprisoner;italsomadethecollectionofpersonaleffectsmucheasierifcrewswentmissing.

Themainbriefingtookplacejustafterfouro’clockinalargetentnearthemaincontroltowerwhere over a hundred aircrew jammed in to hear theWing specialists cover themeteorologicalreport,thetacticalsituationandbattleplanforthenight,togetherwiththeupdate on enemy fighter and gun deployments. Then, after an early supper, crewsdispersed to their own Squadron briefing tents where individual crews were allocatedtargets and the time tobeover them.Now the largelyphysical activityof thedaygavewaytoadifferentkindofconcentrationaspilotsandnavigatorsporedovercharts,plottingenemydefencesandcourses.Aswegotfurtherinto1944,thepatternofoperationsbegantochangeperceptiblyawayfromattackingLuftwaffeairfieldstoattackinglogistictargetsand communicationswith bombs and guns.The fingerswhich had previously stretchedoutnightlyfar intoEuropebegantoclose intoaclenchedfist,punchingawayat targetsalongandbehindtheFrenchcoast–railwaysidings,bridgesandmilitaryheadquarters–whilst still keeping up the daylight attacks on the flying-bomb sites. With the shorterdistancestofly,itwasnowoftenpossibletogetintwoandeventhreesortiesanight.Asthepressuresbuiltupsothecasualtiesmounted.OntwooccasionsIreturnedtobaseononeengineandonanotherwasdivertedtoManstonairfieldontheKentishcoastminusawingtip.

The Mosquito was a delightful aircraft to fly, fast and manoeuvrable. We generallycruisedatabouttwohundredandtwentymphat10,000feet.Itwasthoughtunwisetomixitwithasingleenginefighter(althoughsomepilotsdid)but,givenheight,itwaspossibletoout-diveafighterandescapeatlowlevel.Builtentirelyofwood,ack-ackshellscouldsometimesgo right through the fuselageorwingsof theaircraftwithout exploding,butlight stuff close to the ground could be lethal. In comparisonwith other contemporaryaircraft, theMosquitohadahigh landingspeedandcouldbe trickyat the lowerspeedswhen landing on one engine with full flaps down. In this period I had three squadronfriendswhowerekilledonoperations–MichaelWedgwoodBenn (brother ofAnthonyWedgwoodBenn,theLabourpolitician)whoovershottherunwayanddrownedtrappedinthecockpitintheshallowwaterjustofftheairfield;BillAdams,whoseMosquitoblewupnear the airfield returning from a sortie, and John Farrally who ploughed through theairfield controlwagon at the endof the runwaywhen landingonone engine.Mygreatfriend from Canada days, Flight Lieutenant TrevorWoods, was also killed on anotherMosquitoIntruderSquadron.Imentionthisbecauselateronhepaidmeasurprisevisit.

OnenightaSquadrontrucktakingaircrewtotheMessalongtheperimetertrackdroveinto thepropellerofa taxiingMosquito,scatteringbitsofbodiesaround theairfield.Atthisstageofthewartherewasnoshortageofaeroplanes;indeed,asonewaslost,anotherwasflowninalmostimmediatelybyaferrypilotfromaMaintenanceUnittoreplaceit.

Theproblemwasreplacingexperiencedcrews.AtonepointtheWingwassodesperatelyshort that when two pilots were temporarily attached to the Wing for airfield controlduties,pendingposting to theOperationalConversionUnits,oneof theSquadrons, likethe old press gang, grabbed them and trained them up with two spare navigators asMosquito crews. Unfortunately, when they came to be posted to their OCUs they hadalreadybecomebattlecasualtiesandtherewashelltopayfromtheAirMinistry.Andsothewarwenton.

Becauseitwassodifficultonamoonlessnighttofindthetargetvisually,itwasdecidedasatrialtofitthreeorfourWingaircraftwithablindnavigationandbombingaidcalledGee-H.Bambiand Iwerechosen togoonaweek’scourseatRAFSwantonMorley inNorfolk to learnhowtooperate it,andthiswasawelcomebreak.Wedidfivebombingsorties on Mosquitos and three on Mitchells during the week, before returning to theSquadronfullytrainedontheequipment.

This decision to fit Gee-H on our fighter-bomber Mosquitos was hotly disputed bythose pilotswith night-fighter experience, ofwhich therewere a number on theWing.Sincetheprocedureinvolvedflyingforsometimeataconstantheightandairspeedalongacurve,releasingbombsonapre-computedsignal,itwasrelativelyeasyforenemyradarto plot the course and vector night fighters on to the target. This was not so bad forbombers properly armed and crewed against fighter threat, but in our aircraft with thenavigator’sheadburiedintheblackboxandthepilotconcentratingonhisinstrumentsforwhathadtobeveryaccurateflying,therearoftheaircraftwastotallydevoidoflook-outor defences. However, we returned to Thorney Island and continued flying the normalmissions,waitingforouraircrafttobemodifiedwiththeGee-Hequipment.

A fortnightbeforeD-Day theWingwasconfined tobaseand thegroundcrewbeganpaintingblackandwhite stripesonwings and fuselage for easy identificationwhen thebattleforEuropestartedinearnest.AsduskfellonthenightbeforeD-Dayweassembledingreatexcitementforthedetailedbriefingonthelandingsandourpartintheinvasion.The No. 2 Group Force of Bostons,Mitchells andMosquitos were to be concentratedaroundthebeachheadandbehindit,attackingdayandnightallmovementontheground,sterilizing the frontbypreventingany reinforcement into thebattleareaby rail, roadorwaterway.

Our first sortie on D-night was to patrol an area far behind the beachhead to avoidgivingourposition away.Onour flight at about 1000 feet across theChannelwewerehotly engagedby theNavy; firingoff the colourof thenightonly intensified their fire.Fortunately theywere not very accurate andwewere not hit. Later in the night, like afalconamongaflockofpigeons,weflewthroughagaggleofAlbemarletransportaircraftandgliders,whichstartledallofus.Thisprovedtobeapartyofthe6thAirborneDivisionwhowere to seize the bridges over the Canal de Caen and River Orne; even later weskirtedaroundthetwoParachuteBrigades,3rdand5th,ontheirwaytodropeastofOrne.Fillinginmylogbookthenextmorning–D-Day,Iwrote:

6Jun.MosquitoTSelfF/OGunn.Patrol1,000ft.RoadandRailwayLISIEUX-EVREUX.Strafedandshotupstaffcaronroad.Bombedbridgeoverrailway.Noresultsobserved.Scatteredflak;severalfiresinarea.Strafedandsettrainonfire.

Andasecondsortie:

MosquitoTSelfF/OGunn.Areacoveredbymistandcloud.Bombed railway junction.Lisieuxburning.Firesoverthearea.Onecarstrafed.Lightflakandrockets.

Wenowflewuptothreepatrolsanight,bombingandcannoninganythingwhichmoved;thepoorJerrysoldieronlyhadtolightacigarettetobepouncedon.Ourordersweretostop all movement by night and this included the secondary roads leading to the frontalongwhichwearyGermantroopscrawledduringthehoursofdarkness.Thiswasnottoodifficultonamoonlitnightwhenitwaseasytopickuproads,riversandrailways,buttheweatherinJune,1944,wasappallingandwewereforcedtoflylowerandlowerunderthecloud in pitch darkness over the rolling countryside of Normandy looking for targets,breakingalltherulesregardingsafetyheights.

Onthesedarkanddirtynightsitwasimpossibletoseeotherpatrollingaircraftalthoughyouknewtheywerethere–ahundredorsoaircraftinaverysmallandcrowdedairspace.EverynowandagainaGermannightfightergotintothehiveandstirreditupbyattackingoneofthepatrollingaircraftandtheneveryonestartedfiring,sometimesateachother,andthe skywas criss-crossed by tracer, only to settle down again after a time as everyonecontinuedabouttheirbusiness.ButforthemostparttheLuftwaffewereconspicuousbytheirabsence.

Ouraircraftweremodifiedwithradioaltimeterswhichhelpedconsiderablyinjudgingheightsduringnightattacks;wealsobegantocarryourownflaresforilluminatingtargets.Fatigue was still the worst enemy. On one particular sortie, in company with anotherMosquito flown by a Polish crew, we were alternately attacking a train with cannons,divingfromabout1500feetandpullingoutverylow.AsIwasflyingdownthesideofthetrain,settingmyselfupforafurtherattack,Iwatchedtheotheraircraftdiveontoitandthen never pull out, flying straight into the target with an enormous explosion,illuminatingtheskyandthehoardsofGermansoldiershurriedlydebarkingfromthetrainandspreadingoutoverthecountryside.Isuspectalotofourcasualtieswereduetofatigueandtheextremelybadweather.Duringthisperiodtypicalentriesinmylogbookread:

MosquitoTSelfF/OGunnNightPatrol1,000feetCaen-FalaiseRoad.Weatherpoor,strafedForêtAnglaistwice;largeexplosion.Bombedlightsinwoodandfiresobserved.Strafedtrainandreturnedononeengine.

and:

MosquitoTSelfandF/OGunnPatrol1,000feetroadssouthofCaen.Shotupconvoyoffourvehicles.BombedandstrafedPanzerelement.Strafedonetrain.Lightflak.

Because of the physical exhaustion caused by two or three sorties a night we wereencouraged to take a benzedrene tablet on the last sortie to keep awake and active;unfortunatelythisalsomadeitdifficulttosleepafterwards,soattheendofbriefingonthelastmissionweweregivenaNavyrumration.AsBambididn’tdrink,Igothis!Itwasnotaveryhealthywaytolive.

6

TheStormIhurriedthroughthisgloomyroomandnowfacedan

apartmentwhichlookedasthoughahurricanehadsweptthroughit.ThemutedvoicesIhadheardbeforehadnowrisentoacrescendo.Thunderechoedaroundtheoutsideofthehouseandsheetsoflightninglitupthesceneofhavoc.

BREAKFASTHisplacewaslaid,Themessroomclockstruckeight,ThesunshonethroughthewindowOnhischair,Noonecommentedonhisfate,Saveforaheadshakehereandthere,OnlyoldGeorge,who’dseenhimdie,SpinningagainsttheAutumnsky,Leanedforwardandturneddownhisplate.

And,ashedid,thesunlightfled,AsthoughtheskyhelovedsoMournedherdead…

JohnPudney

Saturday23 June,1944, started the sameasanyotherday. Iwoke tired, to the familiarpatter of rain on canvas.After days of rain I had dug a circular slit trench around theoutsideof the tent todrain thewateraway,but thishad filledduring thenightandwasnowoverflowingintosmall tributariesturningthefloorofthetentintoacarpetofmud.Everything inside the tentwas damp, particularly bedclothes and clothes; Bambi had ahackingcoughbutrefusedtoseethedoctor.WiththelossessinceD-Day,theWingwasshortofcrews.

On theway to lunch I fell inwithmyFlightCommanderwho said, ‘You’re in luck,Peter,theGee-HaircraftarealloperationalandGroupwantstoputthreeaircraftontotheCherbourgPeninsulatonight.Youhadbetterairtestyouraircraftthisafternoon.You’reajammysod,youwillprobablygetawaywithonlyonesortietonight.’

BambiandIspentmostoftheafternoononanairbornecheckoftheGee-HequipmentinTforTommy;wehadlostastarboardenginefromlightflakafewdayspreviouslysowealsogave thenewoneavery thoroughrun-upandcheck.Aswewerenoton targetuntil2300hrs,wespenta leisurelyearlyevening reading thepapersand lingeringoversupperintheMesstent.

At2100hrsthethreecrewsontheGee-Hdetailwerebriefedseparatelyonthemilitarysituation, weather, flak positions, entry and exit corridors, call-signs and so forth. TheAmericans, having broken out of their bridgehead, were pressing down the Cherbourgpeninsula towards the port itself,withoutwhich thewholeAllied advancewould be injeopardy, denied the necessary supplies and re-inforcements. The VII US Corps hadalreadybegun theattackon theportbuthadbypassed thedominatingfortificationofStSauveur.Theyhad,therefore,requestedabombingattackonStSauveurpriortoanassaultat2330hrs.Foroncetheweatheroverthetargetareawasgood,abreakbeforeanintensedepressionbuildingup in theAtlanticmoved into thearea in the following twenty-fourhours.ThethreeGee-Haircraftweretobombatten-minuteintervals,butintheeventofanydelaynobombsweretobereleasedafter2325hrs.WingCommander‘Black’Smith,the CO of one of the other Squadrons, was in the briefing tent at the time and hadpreviouslybeenonnight-fighters.Hecameuptomeandremarked,‘Iknowit’sdifficultbut try tokeepaneyeopen fornight-fightersbecause if theyget into theareayou’reasittingduck.’

Following the main briefing we returned to the Squadron Dispersal as the eveningclosedin;aroundtheairfieldengineswerealreadycoughingintolifeasthenightwarintheairgotunderway.Wechangedintoflyingsuits,collectedparachutesandMaeWestsbefore going into the Flight Commander’s office to sign the authorization book whichgave the bare outlines of the sortie – ‘Black Jack 34. Gee-H 20,000 feet. Four 500lbbombs.Timeontarget2300hrs.’JoeBodieninitialledthedetailandgavethefinalword,‘Onceyou’vebombed,gointoasteepdivingturn,downtothedeckandbackoutasfastasyoucan–ifyouhaveanykindoftroubledon’tblocktherunwayhere–gotoManston.Peter,youshouldknowtheformbynow.Anyquestions?’

Wewalkedouttotheaircraftandwithonlyonesortietocompletetherewasplentyoftimetosettledownandgothroughourdrillsmethodically.Mygroundcrewweregroupedaround T for Tommy and I could just make out my crew chief, Corporal Benson.‘EverythingOKBenson?’‘Fine,Sir,nosnagsatall.’Aircrewhavestrongfeelingsaboutflyingtheirownaircraft,andwouldrathertakeitwithquitealotofunserviceabilityifthealternativewaschangingtoastrangeone;eachaircraftseemedtohaveitsownpersonalityand quirks. Now and again you would come up against a rogue and avoid it like theplague.IhadflownTforTommyforsometimeandfeltveryfamiliarandathomewithit.Ithadtakensomestickbutheldtogetherwell.

WhileBambidisappeared into thebombbaywith thearmourer tocheckandarm thebombsIinspectedtheoutsideoftheaircraftwithmytorch–tyresOK,allpanelssecured,windscreenclean.Ihadoftenjerkedintoasharpturnatthesightofafighterwhichhadturnedouttobeonlyaspeckofdirtonthewindscreen.Wefinallyclimbedintotheaircraftthroughthesmallhatchonthestarboardsideoftheaircraft,myselffirst,thenBambi.Westrappedin,feelingourwayaroundthecockpit,usingaslittlelightaspossibletopreservenightvision.FinallyBensonclosed thehatchwithacheery ‘Good luck,Sir, andpleasedon’tbringbackanyworktonight.’

Afterthepre-startchecksIflashedmytorchthroughthesidepaneland,ongettingtheall-clearsignal,stabbedtheenginebuttons.ThetwoMerlinscaughteasilyandweresoonthrobbingrhythmically;theseenginesareinclinedtooverheatonthegroundandhaveto

benursedalonguntilopeningupfortakeoff.IwavedthechocksawaywithmytorchandbythetimeIreachedtheendoftherunwayhadalreadycompletedthetake-offchecks.Istopped only briefly, flicked navigation lights on and off for take-off – strict radiodiscipline was now in force to avoid giving the listening enemy any clues about ouroperations–receivedanimmediategreenAldis lightfromtherunwaycaravaninreturnandlinedupontherunway.(Soasnottoattractanyattentionatallfromenemyintruderseverylightontheairfieldandtheaircraftwaskepttoanabsoluteminimum.)Itisalwaysat this point, staring into the inky blackness ahead, thatmy stomach turns over, like aboxerfirstenteringtheringbeforethefightstarts.OnceIgetdowntoworkthenitisallrightagain.SlowlyandcarefullyIeasedthethrottlesforward,keepingstraightdownthenarrowfunnelofdimrunwaylights,usingrudderanddifferentialthrottle.Asfullpowerwaspouredon, theMosquitoaccelerated rapidlyandby80milesanhour,as the flyingcontrolsbegantobite,youcouldbegintofeelyouhadanaircraftstrappedon–100mph,110, 120, 130 back on the stick, harder back and then,with a final jerk,T forTommybecameunstuckandwithafull loadlurchedintothedarkness.ThorneyIslandisalmostsurrounded by estuary and I was conscious of the water rushing past only a few feetbelow. Inursed theaircraft intoaclimbandonceapositionaltimeter readinghadbeenestablished raised the under-carriage.Nowclear, theMosquito began to build up speedrapidlyandclimbawayandIcouldsettledowntoinstrumentflying.Bambipassedmeacourse to fly and an altitude to reach and for oncewas not sick; I saw him out of thecornerofmyeyestickapieceofgumintohismouthandchewcontentedlyashebegantoporeoverhisGeecharts.It tookabouttwentyminutestoclimbto20,000feet,carefullycheckingradiatortemperatureseveryfewthousandfeet,togetthemaximumrateofclimbwithout overheating the engines. TheMerlinswere purring beautifullywith no sign oftroublefromthestarboardengine,and theexhauststubsglowedcomfortinglyred in thedark. I turned the cockpit lights right down until only the luminous outline of theflickering needles showed and we became a shadow stalking down a dark starlit lanetowardstheCherbourgPeninsula.

FinallyBambibrokethesilence:‘OK.Peter,I’vepickedupthelatticelineandwecanfollowitintothetarget.’Thiswasthedangeroustime.Withsmallchangesofcourseataconstant height,with pilot concentrated on instruments and the navigatorwith his eyesfirmly glued into the visor of the Gee-H equipment, we were an easy prey for nightfighters.

‘Lefttwodegrees,leftonedegree,leftanother,steady,’andsoonwithBambifaithfullyfollowingthesignalsonhisscope.‘Twominutestotheoutermarker,’Bambicontinued.Ilooked up from the instruments momentarily to catch the flash of guns marking theAmericanadvancedownthepeninsula,and thenbowedmyheadagain inconcentrationsinceonedegreeoff course,onehundred feetout inheight, couldmakeadifferenceofhundreds of yards in bombing accuracy. ‘Outermarker, settled down on 129 degrees –steady– finalbombheading125degrees, checkairspeed240mph,height20,000 feet.’Bambi’ssmoothandefficientpatterranon:‘Onedegreeleft–steady–oneminutetogo,bombs selected and fused, bomb doors open now.’ The bomb doors opened with arumblingsoundandflyingwiththemopenwaslikedrivingacarovercobblestonesandIhadtoopenthethrottlestokeepthespeedsteadyattwohundredandfortymph.‘Thirtyseconds to go – 125 degrees – steady.’ I could detect the rising excitement inBambi’s

voice. ‘Innermarker – keep steady 125 degrees – steady – five, four, three, two, one,RELEASE–BOMBSGONE.’

Theaircraftbuckedandtossed;Isnappedthebombdoorsclosedandthrewtheaircraftintoaspirallingdivetowardshome.‘Course300degreesanddownto1,000feet,Peter,’saidBambi inamorenormalvoice.Theairspeed indicatorcamealive–260mph,280,300.Suddenlythedarknessoutsidewassplitbyshaftsoflightlikeilluminatedstair-rods.‘Christ,what the bloody hell,’ and thenWham!Wham!Wham!The aircraft shudderedviolentlyasthoughhaltedinitsflightpathbyashoweroflargerocks.Thecontrolcolumnwaswrenchedoutofmyhandandsimultaneouslytheinstrumentsshatteredasthecockpitfilled with acrid smoke. Recovering from the initial shock, I grabbed at the controlcolumn.‘Quick,Bambi,we’vebeenhit.Givemeacourse tokeepusover land.What’syourdamage?’Noanswer,andoutofthecornerofoneeyeIcouldseeBambistillleaningoverhisGeebox.TheMosquitowasaside-by-sidetwo-seaterwiththenavigatorslightlyset back in an unarmoured position,whilemy ownback and headwere protected by ashieldofhardenedsteel.

Asheetof flamespreadover thestarboardenginewhose temperaturegaugehadnowrunofftheclock;Ihadnoalternativebuttostabthefeatheringbutton.Myonlyconcernnowwaswith the aeroplane and the extent of itswounds. I pulled back on the controlcolumnbuttherewaslittleresponseasitflappedlooselyinmyhand;almostatthesametime, if indeed there is any sequence to the death struggles of T for Tommy, a trail ofsparksshotoutoftheportengine,followedbyaloudexplosion.AutomaticallyIstabbedtheport featheringbutton.Theaircraft continued its spirallingpathdownwards. I couldmakeouttherigidpropellersintheglarefromtheburningenginesandwiththeMerlinssilenced all that I could hear was the rush of air outside and the thuds as the enginedistinegratedfromtheintenseheat.Iknewbeyonddoubtthattheendwasnearandtherewasnothinglefttoflywith.MywholemindandtrainingswitchedtotheurgentnecessityofgettingBambiandmyselfoutofwhatnowwasonlyaburningcoffin.

‘Baleout,baleout,Bambi,getthedoorjettisoned,’Iyelled.Therewasnoanswer,nomovementfrommynavigator.‘ForChrist’ssake,Bambi,getthebloodydooropen.’Theso-calleddoorwasanarrowhatchonthenavigator’ssidewhichwasjustlargeenoughtosqueeze through and I knew itwould have to be opened andBambi got out through itbefore Imyselfcouldexit.Therewasnootherway. IgrabbedBambi’sarmandpushedhimforwardontothefloorwherenowmynavigatorshowedsomesignsoflife,fumblingwiththeemergencyhandle.

‘Mayday,mayday,mayday,BlackJack34,balingout.’Noreply,butthen,clearasabell,‘ThisisGordonCummings,Peter.CanIhelp?IamovertheCherbourgPeninsula.’(GordonCummingswasthepilotof theaircraft immediatelybehindmineontheGee-Hdetail.) ‘No, Gordon, we are in real trouble, baling out and I am going on to steadytransmit so try to get someone to get a fix on us.’ Suddenly the door blew off and thecockpitfilledwithablastofcoldair.AgainstthefireinthestarboardengineIcouldnowmakeoutBambiclearlycroucheddownonthefloorandIhadnotimetofindoutwhetherthe red shadows on the back of his flying suit were from the engine on fire or somedreadfulwound.

‘Baleout,baleout,’Ishouted.Therewasstillnoanswer;Iunstrapped,gotdownonthe

floor and, swearing, began pushingBambi through the hatch,mywhole urgent instinctwasnowtogetclearmyself.AndthensuddenlyBambipoppedout.Onemomenthewasthere and the next gone. For one second I saw hiswhite face and startled eyes,whichshowednofear.

Inowknelt in thedoorwayandpushedmyselfoutwardsagainst thesolidwallofair.ThewholeengineandtheunderneathofthenacellewereilluminatedbyfireandIcouldfeel the searingheat.WithoneHerculean effort Iwasout and tumbling away from theburning aeroplane. There was no sensation of falling and I became hypnotized by thepeace and silence around me after the noise and shambles of the cockpit. I suddenlyrealizedIhadtodeploymyparachute,searchedandscratcheddesperatelyfortheD-ring,foundandtuggeditviolently.Therewasagreatjerk,followedbythetearingnoiseoftheshroudsastheyprotestedatthespeedatwhichIwastravellingthroughtheair,placinganalmostunbearablestrainonthecordsandpanelsofthe‘chute.However,itheldtogether,andIfeltitgraduallystabilizingmydescent.

Thenightwasblack,althoughIcouldjustmakeoutthewhiteroofoftheparachuteovermyhead.AbrightexplosionnotfarawayshowedwhereTforTommyhitthewater,andin theshort lifeof theburningwreckageon thesea Icould justestimate that I stillhadabout 2000 feet to fall before the lightwas extinguished and the blackness closed in. Ireachedformytorch,normallytuckedintomyflyingboots,onlytofindthatbothbootshadbeenwrenchedoffbytheforceoftheslipstreamasIlefttheaircraftandthetorchhadgonewiththem.Thiswasabadblow,butworsewastofollow.JustasIwaspreparingtoinflatemyMaeWestlifejacketIhittheseaandwentunder.

The shockofcoldwaterand the first chokingmouthfulof seawaterwokeme to thestarkrealityofthesituationandanewstrugglebeganinearnest.IgraspedforthehandleoftheairbottleonmyMaeWest,foundandpulledit.Icouldhearthegasescapingandfelt thebladdersof thewaistcoatexpandingandgrippingmybody likea tightcorset. Itbroughtmetothesurface,gaspingandspluttering.AtfirstIthoughtIhadsurfacedunderalow,whitecloud,butquicklyrealizedthattheparachutecanopyhadcollapsedovermeandthatIwasinthemiddleofanairpocketunderneathit.Ireleasedtheharnessandtriedtopushmywayclear,butthecordshadtangledroundmylegsandastheshroudsbecamesoddenwithwatersotheparachutebegantosinkandpullmedownwithit.

Ibegantostruggleandswallowedmoreseawater.PanicovercamemeandIfoughttofreemyself;themoreIfoughtthemorewaterIswallowed.SuddenlyIrealizedthatIwasgoing to drown; reason returned and my mind began to function logically. ‘You aredrowningbecauseyouarepanicking; first stoppanicking.’ I did, and feltmore relaxed.ThenIthought,‘Youhavenowgottogetoutoftheshrouds.’Ibegantolocateandfeelthecordsbindingme to thecanopy likeagiantweed. I remembered theclaspknifeonmyflyingsuitand,findingit,begantocutthecordsawayonebyone,duckingmyheadbelowthe sea, finding a cord and sawing through it, coming up for air and then going downagain.

HowlongthiswentonforIcannottell.Itseemedalongtimebeforethelaststrandwaspartedandexhausted,Ifloatedfree.ForawhileIlayridingthewavesinmyMaeWest,butthewilltosurvivereturnedandIbegantothinkaboutthedinghyattachedtomyMaeWestonalonglead.Ifoundtheleadandhadsoongrippedthepack.MethodicallyIundid

the press studs around the canvas cover, pulled out the rubber innards, then slowly feltaround its periphery until I located the air bottle. The air went in with a hissing rush,fillingtherubberwallswhichgrewwitheverysecond.Silenceatlast,andthedinghywasinflated.

It required allmy remaining strength to climbonto the dinghywhere I lay across it,onlyhalf-conscious,mycheekpressedagainstthebulgingside.Mythoughtswereonlyofthe rapid anddevastating transposition from the familiar surroundingsofmyaeroplane,returning to base, and the unreality of this ice-cold,wet, hostileworld inwhich I nowfoundmyself.Ihadnoideawhathadhappenedtomynavigator.InaMosquitothepilotsat on his parachute and dinghy packwhichwere already firmly strapped to his body,whereasthenavigator’sparachuteanddinghywerestowedawayandrequiredclippingtohisharnessbeforeuse.Intheconfusionofkeepingtheaircraftundersomekindofcontrol,IhadnoideawhetherBambiwaswoundedorhadmanagedtoattachbothparachuteanddinghytohisharness.Fromourdrillsintheswimming-poolIwasawarethathewasnotaverygood swimmerorvery confident in thewater.All these thingspassed throughmymind.Theseawasnotveryroughbutwasfreezingcold;whileitwasdarktherewaslittleIcoulddoexceptshiverandwaitforthedawn,whichwasalongtimecoming.

WiththefirstraysofdaylightIwasabletotakestockofmyposition.Theskyandseawerecoldandgrey,blendingtogether.ForthefirsttimeIcouldmakeoutthecolourandshapeofthedinghy,onlytorealizethatitwasfloatingupside-downandIhadbeenlyingacrossthebottomofitallnight.Obviouslythefirstthingtodowastoturnitoverandgetintoitproperly.Iwentintothewateranditwasvery,verycold;withconsiderableeffortIrighted thedinghyandclamberedover the side.Thedinghy itselfwasoblong,nomorereallythanarubberringwithabottomtoit,butbydrawingmylegsupIcouldsit initquitecomfortably.Thebottomheldaboutaninchofwaterandevenwiththequitecalmsea, water constantly splashed over the side. There was very little in the way ofequipment;all Icould findwasabagattachedbyapieceofstring to thedinghywhichwould serveas a sea anchororbailer, apairof smallbellows– thankgoodness, as thedinghywas still only half inflated – and nothing else: no rations, nowater or paddles.Eithertheyhadfallenoutduringthenightwhilethedinghywasinvertedortheyhadneverbeenthereinthefirstplace.Iwentthroughmypocketsbuttherewaslittleofuseinthemexcept for the knife. At this stage the complete lack of survival aids didn’t seem veryimportant.

Thewholebusinessofrightingthedinghyandsettlingintoitmusthavetakenaboutanhourandmywatchhadstoppedatthreeo’clockthepreviousnight,soIreckoneditmusthavebeenaboutsixo’clockinthemorning.Itwasnowgettingquitelight.Theskywasovercastwithacloudbaseofabout400feetwithverypoorvisibility.InthelightIcouldsee blood mixing with the water in the bottom of the dinghy and for the first time IrealizedIwaswounded;notbadly,buteithershellsplintersorsplintersoftheaeroplanecaused by the shells hitting it had enteredmy leg. I didmy best, tying a handkerchiefaroundthewound,butitcausedmenodiscomfort.

I estimated I must be within about twenty miles of the Cherbourg Peninsula and ahundredmilesfromEngland.Ihadbeenincontactwithoneofouraircraftbeforebalingoutandhadsurelytransmittedenoughforsomeonetogetafixonmyposition,sothere

shouldbeareasonablehopeofbeingpickedup.SoIsatshivering,thinkingofahotbathandasteamingcupofcoffee!ThenIheardthewonderfulthrobofaircraftenginesinthedistance, getting closer, and suddenly I saw them, two single engine aircraft headingtowardsme.Whatwere they,Spitfires orMesserschmitts? Iwas so cold I didn’t reallycare,althoughitcrossedmymindthatif theywereGermantheymightshootmeup.Atany rate I waved like mad. The two aircraft turned slightly away and my heart sank,thinkingtheyhadmissedmeinthepoorvisibility,butno,theysuddenlywheeledoveranddivedinmydirection.Hereitcomes,Ithought,andIclosedmyeyes.Nomachineguns,andIlookedupastheysweptoverhead:Spitfires!Theycircledaroundanddivedagain,thistimesomethingfellfromoneofthemandburstintosmokeasithitthesea.Ipaddledoverwithmyhands to find itwasonly a smoke flarebut again this didnotworryme;everythingwasgoingfineandinnotimeaboatwouldbeouttopickmeup.TheSpitfirescircled lowoverheadoncemoreand thenskimmed lowover theseaoff into themist. Ilistenedtotheirenginesdyingawayintothedistanceandrelaxedasmuchasonecanafteranightinthewater,waitingfortheexpectedboat.

MyspiritswerehighasIwaitedthroughoutthemorning,confidentofbeingpickedup;the early arrival of the Spitfires gave me a pleasant feeling of security. The weatherimprovedalittleandforashorttimethesunevenshonedimlythroughtheovercastandmist.ButthehoursworeonwithnosignofrescueandImadedozensofexcusesforthedelay.Ibecameworriedbutnotdesperate,everyminuteexpectingtohearthenoiseofaboatapproaching. Iwasveryhungrybutnot thirsty. Itwas impossible to relievemyselfoverthesideoftheboatsoIloweredmytrousersandhadmymorningconstitutionalinthebottomofthedinghy.

AsmiddayapproachedIbecameincreasinglyresentful towardsboth theSpitfiresandtheAirSeaRescueboatsfortakingsolong.MydinghybecamecaughtupinatidalraceandIwassweptalonglikeacorkinacurrent;Iknewthateveryminutewastakingmefurther and further away from the positionwhere theSpitfires had foundme.The tidalracemusthavetakenmenearlandasIcouldjustmakeouttheblurofacoastlineonthehorizon.ThereliefofseeingwhatcouldbesanctuarywastoomuchandIslippedoverthesideof thedinghyandstarted to swim towards land. IwasagoodswimmerbutwithaMaeWestonitonlytookaboutfiftyyardstomakemerealizethatImightmakeamileatthemostand trying toswimashorewasasgoodascommittingsuicide. I turnedaroundandcouldonly justmakeout thedinghybobbingnowaboutagood twohundredyardsaway. I was now in a panic to get back to the only security I knew. It was an awfulstrugglebutIfinallymadeitandjustmanagedtoclimbbackinandcollapse,exhausted.IknewIhadmadeaterriblemistake,onewhichhadnearlycostmemylifeandweakenedmesomuch that itmightyetdoso.Myonlychanceofbeingsavedwas tostick to thedinghy,howevercloseImightcometolandagain.

During the afternoon the wind sprang up and the sea became rougher. The awfulexertionsofthepreviouseighteenhourshadtakentheirtoll,soIsatquitecomatose,witheyeshalf-closed,lulledbythewavessmackingandrockingthedinghybutstillbelievingitwould only be amatter of time before Iwas rescued. The upper half ofmy body hadpartiallydriedoutand,althoughIwasstillsittingintwoorthreeinchesofslops,halfseawater,halfurine,inthebottomofthedinghy,thediscomfortwastolerableandIallowedmyselftodriftawayfromtherealityofthesituation.

In thiscomplacentmoodIwasaware that thewaveswereslappingharderandharderagainstthesideofthedinghybutitwasnotuntilthefirstclapofthunderinthedistancethatIsnappedbacktomyfullsenses.Iopenedmyeyeswideandthescenearoundhadchangedwithunbelievablerapidity.TheisolatedpinnaclesofwhitecumulushadturnedasifbysomeMachiavellianwandintoasolidtoweringblackcliffofcloudbearingdownonmeandonlybrokenbyshaftsoflightning.Theseawasnowamassofindividualwavesasthestormbuiltupthewindandwaterbeforeit.IhadtimeonlytocheckmyMaeWestforinflation and secure a few items in the recess of my battledress before the violentbehaviour of the dinghy began to requiremy full attention. It was not long before thewavesweretentofifteenfeethighwithcrestswhippedbythehowlingwindintoawhitefrenzyoffoam.Thedinghylurchedinungainlymannertothetopofeachwavewhereitspuncrazily in theboilingcapsbeforedroppingsickeningly,halfwater-logged, into thedeeptroughbehind.

Iwasnowleaningonallmyreserves,bailingthedinghyoutandfacingitintoeachnewwave,usingthescoopasapaddleintheknowledgethatifthedinghybroachedsidewaysthebeaksofthewaveswouldcapsizeit.Iwasdrenchedinwaterandthebattlebecameapersonalonewiththestormitself.IwasholdingmyownuntilfromthetopofonewaveIsawamonster,toweringandboilingabovetherest,blottingoutthehorizon,bearingdownwith the noise and velocity of an express train. Iwas suddenly looking up at awall ofwaterwithacruelwhitebeakcurvingoverme–‘Christ’,Ithought,‘thisisit.’Thedinghyrose protesting until it was almost vertical when the beak snapped it over and over. Iremember hanging grimly on to the side while the dinghy rotated around me in thewhirlpoolofgreenandwhitewater;thenitplungeddownwardsintothetroughbehind.IonlyjustmanagedtoclimbbackontoitbeforethenextwaveovertookmebutthistimethedinghybehavedinamuchmorestablewayandIrealizedhatthewaterfloodingitwasnowactingasballastandkeel.

Darkness and the full forceof the stormcoincidedwhen skyand sea joined intooneorchestra of wind, water and drums of thunder whose stage was illuminated by vividshaftsoflightning.

Andsothenightbecamethebattleground–eachwaveachargetorepel,eachtroughabreathingspacetoregroupandfacethenextone.Ilostallcountofthenumberoftimesthe dinghy capsized that night, only realizing the urgent necessity of righting it andscramblingbackinsidewiththeknowledgethatthestormhadgainedmoregroundastheeffortsappedmystrength.

Thefullholocaustofthestormlastedthreeorfourhours,buteventhenitdidnotgiveup,returningagainandagaintosnapandgrowl.Theliftingofthecurtainofdawndidnotdiminishthestorm’sanger.Iwasterriblyawareofmyexhaustionandtheawfulstateofmybody encrustedwith salt.Thenoise ofwind andwater continued and the sea camesweeping in, bigAtlantic rollers, not just withwhite tops but strong surging surf. ThethunderandlightninghaddiedawaywiththecomingofthedawnbuttherainwasnowblindingsothatIcouldhardlytellskyandseaapart.

Therewasnotasoundofanythinghuman,justthehowlofthegaleandtheroarofthesea.Icontinuedtocapsize,always justmanagingtofindthewill toclimbbackinto thedinghyagain.AndalldayIcontinuedtofightbecauseIknewthattogiveinwastoaccept

deathandIwasnotpreparedforthatyet.Iexperiencedmanyemotions–anger, terribleloneliness and finally fear. It is not so difficult to face death in the heat of battlesurroundedbyone’scomrades,butallaloneandlosinggroundbitbybituntilitbecomesblindingly clear that you are going to drown fear becomes overpowering. Of course Iprayed.IpromisedGodanythingifhegotmeoutofthesea.

12.‘Iwonderwhereweallgofromhere’.

13.MikeParkerwith‘Boy’Browning.

14.CoronationSupper.PH(left)withPrincePhilip’sGermanrelations:PrinceMaxofBaden,PrincessBeatrix,PrinceCarl,PrincessMargaritaofBadenandPrinceAlfonsoHohenlohe–Langenburg.

15.TheCoronation,6June,1953.WithMikeParker(left)and‘Boy’Browning(centre)inattendanceuponPrincePhilip.

16.ThefirsthelicoptertolandatBuckinghamPalace.

17.SailinginCoweslipwithUffaFoxandMikeParker.

SlowlyandinexorablyIwasworndown,sothatwhenthenextnightcamemuchofthefighthadgoneoutofmeand in the last roundIwas justholdingon.Thewindandseadroppedabitduring thenightand Ino longercapsizedbut just rockedand tosseduntilanotherdawnbroke.WiththeslowabatementofthestormandintheearlymorninglightItook stockofmyphysical condition.My lipswere cracked and swollen,my eyesmereslits, my hands puffy and white andmy legs felt like lead. Everything was caked andmattedinsaltandthewilltolivehadgone.IndeedifIhadcapsizedtherewasnoenergylefttoreturntothedinghy.

I gradually became conscious of a quite new situation: the pain and cold had

disappearedandonlyaratherpleasantnumbnessremained.Thescenehadslowlybeguntochangeandthemonotonousgreyoftheskyandseahadgivenwaytobrightdiffusedcolours and I began to pick out a countryside of fields, hedges and trees; I could evenmakeoutacanalwithsomelaughingpeoplebesideit.Inolongerhadabodyandcouldmovequite freelyoutside it so that Iwasable to lookdownat someoneelse lying inadriftingdinghywithoutrealizingorbotheringaboutit.Myvisionbecamequiteclearandthe countryside real and it was about this time that three people appeared. They cametogether: Euan Charteris in an Army uniform, TrevorWood in his Air Force uniform,whichIthoughtpeculiarbecausehehadbeenkilledonoperationssixmonthsearlier,andfinally,Bambi,morefawnlikethanever.Theystayedandtalkedtome;Icannotrememberexactlywhattheysaidexceptthatwewerealltogetherandtherewasnoneedtoworryorstruggle any further; the air seemed full of new noises like the countryside on a hotsummer’sdayandIfeltmyselfdrawnmoreandmoreintoit.Timemeantnothingandamostincredibleandwonderfulpeacecameoverme.

IwasnotconsciousofanythinguntilIfelthandsgraspingmeroughly;Iresentedthisandtoldthemtogoaway.Iheardvoices,thistimestrangeandharsh:‘Lifthimupgently;is he dead?’ ‘What a mess.’ I felt searing liquid poured into my mouth which Iimmediately spatout. I thought, ‘This isa funnydeath.’Thenoblivionagain.Butmorehandsgraspingme,abluroffaceslookingdownfromaquayside,Ithought,‘Whycan’tIbeleftaloneinpeace?’Nowstronghandsexploringmybody,asharpprickandthenmoreoblivion.Iopenedmyeyesagain;painwasallaround,alloverme.ItwaslightandIcouldmake out a room. I was in a bed. Aman’s voice said, ‘What’s your name, oldman?’‘FlightLieutenantHorsley.’Myvoicesoundedfunny,milesaway. ‘Wheredoyoucomefrom?’Thatwasfunnytoo.WheredidIcomefrom?Ihadtothinkquitehard.‘ThorneyIsland.’AndIwenttosleepagain.AfterawhileIvaguelyrememberavoicesaying,‘Yes,that’sHorsleyall right. I’ll ringhiswifestraightaway.’ Ibegan to realize Iwasalive. Ilookedaroundand Iwas in a room, the soleoccupant,with anumberofotherbeds allneatlymadeup.Itremindedmeofsomething.Ohyes,asickquarters.Imovedaround,abitpainfulbuteverythingworked. Iwondered if I couldstandup. I easedback thebedclothesandedgedoutofbed.Istraightenedupandfellflatonthefloor.Thedooropenedandavoicesaid,‘Whatonearthareyoudoing?Getbackintobedimmediately.’Ayoungnurse helped me back into bed and said, ‘I’ll get the doctor.’ A young man in Navaluniformcamein.‘Well,you’relookingchirpy.Howdoyoufeel?‘Bloody,’Isaid.‘WhereamI?’ ‘You’re inaNavalsickbayatSeaview in the IsleofWight.AnAirSeaRescueboat brought you straight into the harbour here. We stuffed you full of sedatives andpumpedhalfoftheChanneloutofyouandyou’reluckytobealive.’

DaddyDalecameoverfromThorneyIslandwithoneortwooftheboys,bringingsomeclothesandtoiletstuffwiththem.Alsowhentheyhadtime,twocaptainsoftheAirSeaRescueboatsvisitedme,FlightLieutenantKeithBekenandFlightLieutenantNewman.FromthemallIpiecedtogetherwhathadhappened.EarlyonthemorningafterIwasshotdown,DaddyDalehadassembledthesquadrontogoandlookformebuttheweatherwasso bad Group would not give permission for them to take off. However, two Air SeaRescueSpitfireshadbeendispatchedbutwereneverheardofagain;theyhadfoundmeallrightbuthadobviouslyremainedsolowunderthecloudbasethatanyradiotransmissionhad failed tobepickedup, so theyhad either flown into the sea themselves in thebad

visibilityorbeenshotdown.TheareaIwasinwasahuntinggroundforGermanE-boatsand dangerous forASR boats; nevertheless two boats,HSL 198with Flight LieutenantKeithBekenandHSL192withFlightLieutenantNewman,cameouttolookforme,butwereorderedtoreturntobasebecauseofgaleconditionswhichcontinuedthroughoutthenightandnextday.Theycameoutagainonthethirddayasthegaleabatedandfoundme.Although I wrote ‘The Storm’ immediately afterwards, Keith Beken, in peacetime aCowessailingphotographerextraordinary,wroteabout theeventmanyyears later inhisbookTheBekenFile.Thefollowingextractdescribes it fromadifferentbutverycaringangle.

OnedaytheNabTowerflashedusamessage:‘Proceedtoposition55miles,185degreesNab.’Settingcourseonour grid compass, with the electric log at o, compensating for the westerly tide at one and a half knots, weadjustedourspeedto27knotsandsetoffincompanywithanotherRAFlaunch.

Arrivingatourestimatedposition,bothboatsthenstartedtheusualsquaresearch,goinginoppositedirections.Theweatherwasveryroughandgettingworse.Afterfourhoursofsearchingasdaylightvanishedwesuddenlyhadaradiomessagetoreturntobasebecauseofgaleconditions.Wewerenaturallyfurious,for,whilstitwasnoweatherforustobeoutin,itwasconsiderablyworseforthedinghythatweweresearchingfor.Thenextdaywewereweather-bound in harbour and had to content ourselveswithworking out the estimated position thatwethoughtthedinghymusthavearrivedatwiththeeastandwesttidesandawesterlygale.Nextdaythegalewasabating, soHSL 192 andmyHSL 198 set off again to the new estimated position of the dinghy thatwe hadplottedonourcharts.

Afterfourhourswebothspottedthedinghy.HewasaMosquitopilotandhisnavigatorhadbeenlost.Whilsthewasbeingpulledupthescrambling-netwewerekeepinganeyeontheenemycoastatCherbourgwhichwasabouteightmilesaway,andalsokeepingalookoutforenemyfighters.Threeshellslanded–onetoport,onetostarboard,andoneastern:nicegrouping!…Webothmadeofffastonazig-zagcourse,endeavouringto‘makesmoke’tocoverourexit.ThepilotwastakenbacktoSeaviewandplacedintheNavalsick-bay,wherehegentlyrecoveredfromthethreedaysingale-forceconditionsinarubberdinghy.TheRAFlearntmanythingsfromthispilot–howtosurviveatsea,goodandbadpointsaboutrubberdinghies,andsoon.

Thereisaninterestingsequeltothisrescue.Aboutfifteenyearslater,HRHPrincePhilipwaspayingavisittotheIslandSailingClubatCowestogetherwithhisEquerry,WingCommanderPeterHorsley.Meetingintheclub,WingCommanderHorsleynoticed that IbychancewaswearinganAir-SeaRescue tie,andhebychancewaswearinga‘GoldfishTie’–atieonlyavailabletopilotswhohad‘ditched’intheseainwartimeandlivedtotellthetale.

Aftera fewminuteswebothrealized thathewas thepilotwehadpickedupwithHSL192offCherbourg.Whatareunionthentookplace!

7

VoicesThefirsttwoorthreedaysinSeaviewwerespentinano-man’s-landbetweenthelivingand dead, heavily sedated, while the doctors cleaned out the bilges, but as the will toreturntothelivingstrengthenedIslowlybegantotakemoreinterestinmysurroundingsandcondition.TheplaceIwasinhadbeenanhoteluntilrequisitionedandconvertedintoaNavalSickQuarters as anemergencyoverflow for the receptionofD-Daycasualties,whichhad fortunatelynotmaterialized in thenumbers expected. Itwasmannedby twoNaval doctors and three or four nurses.My sickbay contained six beds andduring thewhole time I spent in it there was only one other overnight occupant, an AmericanThunderbolt pilot picked up after a short ducking in the Channel. Trade was thereforeextremelyslackandIenjoyedplentyofattentionfromdoctorsandnursesalike.

ProlongedimmersioninseawaterhadleftmymusclesinawastedconditionandIwasconstantly rackedby crampand spasms; the exposedparts ofmybody, particularlymyfaceand lips,werecovered in salt soresand,despitebeingpacked inhotwaterbottles,memoriesof thedreadful coldbroughton longboutsof shivering,but all this couldbeeasilyremediedwithpropertherapy.Thementaldisorientationwassomethingmuchmoredifficulttoexplainandcopewith;alotoffuseshadbeenblowninthelongstruggleforsurvival,followedbythefinalsurrender.Shell-shockhadbecomeanacceptedcondition,but how do you explain damage to the nervous systemwhen there had been no shellsaround?

InthelonghoursofdarknessIwasstilltormentedbymonstrouswavesbreakingoverme,only relievedby the securityofdawn’s first light.Bambiwasneververy far away.Endlessly Iwentover the sequenceof events to try and satisfymyself that, inomittingsomeaction, Iwasnot totallyresponsibleforhisdeath.Onenight inmydreamsBambicamebackthroughthehatch,hisfacelitbytheflamesfromthestarboardengineandsaidquite clearly, ‘I forgotmyparachute, Peter.’This dream recurred so frequently in thosefirstfewweeksthathisfaceistodayasclearasitwasthenandIoftenwonderifthatiswhatactuallyhappened.

Mylegsandbalancewereunsteady,butafterafewdays,withtheaidofsticks,Icouldmakemywayslowlyfrombedtobathroom,andsograduallybegantocopewithanormalroutineofbathing,dressingandreceivingtheoccasionalvisitor.TheSeaviewHotelwassituated at the end of a pier and I spent many hours sitting silently by the windowwatching the boats plying to and fro. Already I had begun to experience very strongwithdrawal symptoms, with no particular desire to rejoin theworld outside the narrowconfinesofmysick-room.

TheNaval doctors and nurseswerewonderfully kind and understanding butwithoutspecialistequipmentinthesortoftreatmentIneededtherewaslittlemoretheycoulddoforme,soafterabouttendaysitwasarrangedthatIshouldreturntoThorneyIslandforafull medical examination by the Wing medical staff. An orderly was sent over toaccompanymeacrossintheferryandthenceinthestationambulancetotheNo140WingtentedsickquarterswhereIwas,oncemore,firmlyputtobed.Thereoverthenexttwoor

threedays,manyofthesquadronpilotsandnavigatorscametoseeme,butImusthaveappearedveryunfriendlyasIhadnodesiretotalkaboutwhathadhappened.

Following a detailed examination, theWing doctor explained that I needed to spendsometimeinarehabilitationhospitalbeforetherewasanyquestionofareturntoflying,but it would take just a little time to arrange. I persuaded him, much against hisjudgement,toletmegoonleaveforaweekfirst,althoughIwasnotreallyreadytofacemywifeandthedisorderIknewIwouldfindatWhiteLodge.

Itprovedadifficult journeyonmyownfromThorneyIsland toNewmarketby train,requiringconsiderabledexterityonmystickswithlongperiodsofrest.CrossingLondon,IwasovercomebyafaintingfitanditwasonlywiththehelpofafriendlytaxidriverthatIcaught theNewmarket train, leavingmewithafinal,‘Youshouldnotbeallowedoutofhospital,mate.’Hewasrighttoo.

Finally,lookingIsupposelikeHamlet’sghost,Icamehome.Ourreunionwasdifficult.Whatcouldayounggirl,livinginaforeigncountryinwar,eightmonthspregnant,makeofahusbandwhowasnotonlya strangerwithuglysoresonhis facebuthalfcrazyaswell?PhyllistoldmethatthesquadronhaddespatchedanofficertoinformherthatIwasmissingandhadprobablynotsurvivedthestormso,havingbeensubjectedtooneshock,shehadthetraumaticexperienceafewdayslaterofbeingtoldIwasnotdeadafterall.Insomewaythissortofconfusionwasquiteinkeepingwiththehouseholdandthepeoplewho came and went from it. However, Phyllis was bred from pioneer stock who hademigratedtotheNewWorldandIamsureitwasthisinheritedstrengthandsteadfastnessunderstressandhardshipwhichsustainedherthroughallthesedifficulties.

It was at White Lodge that two days later I experienced the first of a number ofunnatural incidents. I had never been at all religious, quite the opposite. The endlesscompulsory prayers and services at Wellington had effectively quenched any kind ofspiritual feeling. The war encouraged a selfish outlook on life, enjoying pleasures andappetites without thought of any consequences; added to this was the rather arrogantopinion aircrew had of themselves as an élitist body. Phyllis was a normal, healthyAmericangirlwhohadstudiedpsychologyatUniversityand rejectedanypossibilityofthesupernaturalorghosts.

Living at White Lodge at this time there was Phyllis, Nancy Winder* and GwenAdams,whowasNancy’ssisterandthewifeofFlightLieutenantTonyAdams(servingona Beaufighter Squadron in Norfolk, employed mainly on shipping strikes). He was acharming young officer who, like myself, had married in Canada during a tour oninstructingduties.Therewasalsoavisitor,ayoungCanadiangirlwhosehusbandwasapilotinBomberCommand.Withthearrivalofthisguest,theusualgameofmusicalchairsoccurredandPhyllishadbeenmovedtemporarilyoutofherroomintotheAdams’roomonthegroundfloor.

Onthemorningofmyseconddaybackthetelephonerangand,asIwasthenearest,Ianswered it.Amalevoiceat theotherendsaid, ‘WhoamIspeaking to?’andI replied,‘This is Flight Lieutenant Horsley.’ ‘Oh,’ said the caller, ‘thank heavens for that. I amTonyAdams’SquadronCommander.IsMrsAdamsstayingwithyou?’‘Yes,’Ireplied.‘IhavebadnewsandIamafraidyouwillhavetobreakittoher.Tonydidnotreturnfroma

strike today and it looks as thoughhewent into the sea. Iwill call you in themorningagainwhenIshouldhavedefinitenewsofexactlywhathappened.’

Thiswasawful.Thehouseholdhadonlyjustrecoveredfrommyowndramaandnowthis.PhyllisandItoldNancyWinderwhobrokethenewsandcomfortedhersisterasbestshecould.Therewasachancethat, likemyself,Tonywouldbepickedupin theseabyoursideortheirs.Aftersuchatiringandunhappydaywewenttobedearly;itwasaclearnightand,with theblackoutcurtainsdrawnback,objects in the roomstoodoutclearly.Tony’stweedjackethungonahookbythedoorandasIlayawakeitseemedtoacquireapeculiar significance as though it had suddenly begun to embody the personality of itsowner.Ifoundmyselfmoreandmoreconcentratingonthejacket.Iputoutthethoughtinwords,‘Ifthereisaspiritworldandyoucanhearme,Tony,thenIpromisewewilldoourbesttolookafterGwenandthereisnoneedforyoutoworry.Surelythereissomesignyoucangivemeifyouaredead.’

Atexactlythatmomentanawfulthinghappened.Theroombecamealiveandanobjectlike a blanket descendedupon the bed suffocatinguswith amost terrible smell. (I hadoncehadtoremovethescorchedbodiesoftwopupilsfromacrashedaircraftatPenholdandthesmellthatenvelopeduswasthesame–pungent,burnthumanflesh.)Bothofussimultaneously threwoff the ‘thing’coveringus, leaptoutofbed in terror and,withoutthoughtoftheblackout,turnedthelightson.

Inaflashtheobjectandsmelldisappearedandtheroomwasstillagain.Wefixedtheblackoutandranalmostinapanicfromroomtoroominthehouse.Therewasnosmell.Wesatupforhoursinthekitchendrinkingcoffeeandgoingoverandovertheexperience.Thesmellseemedtobepartofthesolidcoveringus:itwasuponusinaninstantandgoneinaninstant.Therewasnotraceofitafterwardseitherinsideoroutsidethehouse.BothofusfeltthatwhathadhappenedwasinsomewayassociatedwithTony’soldtweedjackethangingbehindthedoor,somuchapartofhimthatitactedasatransmitterforsomekindof message. There was no rational explanation for what had happened; that we bothagreed.

Tony’sSquadronCommander rangback the followingmorningandsaid, ‘Iamsorry,thereisnohope.Tonywasseentogodownonfireandhisaircraftexplodedonhittingthesea.MrsAdamswillgetanofficialtelegramtodayandwhenthedustsettlesIwillsendsomeone over with his personal effects.’ Themessage was clear now: ‘I am dead andburnt.’ Neither Phyllis nor I ever forgot that night, and for a time it drew us closertogether.

IspenttherestoftheweeksittinginthegardenreadingandwatchingwaveuponwaveofFlyingFortressesandLiberatorsfromtheirairfieldsinSuffolkcirclingroundandroundgaining height, like wild geese migrating, until in formation ofWings they set courseeastwards. They would return hours later with great gaps in their ranks, followed bystragglersinonesandtwos,somewithsmokepouringoutoftheirengines.Itwasadailyreminder of the ceaseless battles taking place over Europe. At the end of the week IreturnedtoThorneyIslandfeelingfitter,butstillisolatedandalone.

The second incident occurred almost immediately after the first and was againwitnessed.IstillhadadayortwotowaitbeforegoingintotheRAFrehabilitationhospital

atLoughborough;timehungheavilyonmyhandssoIsoughtouttheWingpadre.Eachnationality had provided various support officers and the Australians had provided thepadre.ThesepadreswereverymuchpartoftheWinglife,livingwiththeaircrewinthetentedcamp.Indeed,therewasapadreatHertfordBridgewhodoubledupsometimesasanair-gunnerandwonaDFConoperations.

I told our padre aboutmy experiences in the sea and the incident inNewmarket.Heproved sympathetic and understanding; ‘There are many inexplicable things, Peter, inheavenandearth;ourown religionand faithare fullofmysteries andGod tellsus thatonlyindeatharetheveilsparted.Perhapsintheseayoucaughtjustaglimpseoftheothersideandthecordisnotquitecutyet.I tellyouwhat,wewillbothgotothechurchthiseveningandprayforyourpeaceofmind.’

ThechurchatThorneyIslandwasafewhundredyardsfromtheMess,overlookingtheestuary; it was over eight hundred years old and had been part of the village ofWestThorneyIsland,longsincedemolishedtomakewayfortheaerodrome.Onlythechurchand vicarage next to it remained. We arranged to meet in the Mess after supper thateveningafterthepadrehadmadehisroundsofthesquadrons.

We walked down the road passing the crowd ofMess tents. As we approached thechurchinthecooloftheeveningthesoundoftheorgancouldbeheardquiteplainly.Wewentthroughthemaindoorintothechurchandthepadreshowedobviousdelightatthetwo airmen practising hymns on the organ, one playing and the other turning over thesheetmusicatthefarendoftheaislenexttochoirstalls.Wesatdowntowardstherearofthechurchandlisteningtothemusicmyminddriftedaway.

Therewasasuddensharpinterruptioninthemusic, theorgandiedawaydiscordantlyandthetwoairmendashedashen-facedpastusdowntheaisle.Isuddenlysawwhathadfrightenedthemsomuch.Anoldladywasstandingbythechoirstalls,having,Isurmised,comethroughadoorclosetothealtaratthefarendofthechurch.Thepadreputhishandonmykneeandwhispered,‘Keepquitestill.’Withoutglancingtoeitherside,theoldladywalked down the aisle past us and, turning around, I watched her disappear through acurtain at the back of the church. She had passed very close to us and I find it almostimpossible todescribeher appearance andpassage. In someextraordinaryway shewastotally negative; her body translucent yet solid, her clothes coloured yet colourless, notquitewalkingyetnotexactlygliding.Therewasasmellaboutherwhichwasold;Iwouldliketosayofvioletsbutitwasn’t.Shewasneitherofthisworldnorofthenext.

Wesatinstunnedsilenceforaminuteandthenthepadresaid,‘Peter,getonyourkneesandwemustbothprayforthespiritofthatoldladytobeallowedtoleavethisplaceandfindpeacewithGod.’

Weleftthechurchandthepadresaid,‘IhaveheardoftheThorneyIslandChurchghostbutneverthoughtIwouldseeher.Perhapsitwasyourdoing.TomorrowImustsummonthewillandknowledgetofindthereleaseforhertroubledspirit.’ThefollowingmorningIleftforLoughboroughanddidnotvisitThorneyIslandforfortyyears.

In June, 1983, almost forty years on, I returned there. The RAF had gone and theairfieldwasdeserted.Therunwaywascrackedandovergrown,theolddispersalsmarkedonlybypilesofrubble.Itwasabeautifulsummer’sday,sodifferentfromthatin1944,as

I drove leisurely across the airfield past the empty Officers’Mess where once we hadpitchedourtentsontheneatlawns,andondowntheroadtotheoldchurch.

It took me by surprise. Both the church and hallowed ground surrounding it werebeautifullymaintained,brightandcheerfulwith thesunsparklingacross theestuary.OnonesidewereneatrowsofwhiteheadstonesmarkingthegravesofLuftwaffecrewskilledinattacksonThorney Island,PortsmouthandSouthampton.Behind themandseparatedbyagapofsomeyardswererowafterrowofRAFaircrew,someofwhomhadbeenmyfriends,whohadbeenkilledonandaroundtheairfieldduringitsactivelife.Ontheothersideof thechurch,nestlingamongthe trees,was theancientvillagechurchyardwith itsage-stainedgravestones. Ientered through thesidedoorby thealtar,where theold ladyhad appeared, andwalked down the aisle to sit in the same pew. The atmospherewasincredibly peaceful and secure. I felt thewhole place had become a sanctuary, the oldconflictsandenmitiesgoneandtheghostoftheoldladylongsincedeparted.

Passing theMess again, I could almost imagine the sounds of boisterous aircrew, oftrucks driving busily around the dispersals and the staccato bark of Merlin enginesbursting into life. So I drove back out through the old guardroom into the real world,leavingthememoriesanddeadbehind.

Occasionally the nightmare of mountainous seas and boiling skies still returns, asthoughthedeepwatersrobbedoftheirpreyreturntohauntme.AndIhaveoftenponderedwhether the three friendswho came to talk tome inmy dinghy could be explained inhuman and physical terms, or did their visit flow across some supernatural boundary,opening,forjustamoment,achannelofcommunicationbetweenthisworldandanother?

Ihavecometotheconclusionthatthereisabridgebetweenlifeanddeathwhichweallhave to cross.Perhaps the further I had traversed thatbridge, sohad the imageson theothersidebecomeclearer,untilmythreecompanionshadcomeouttoescortmeoverthefinalbit.Themysteryofwhy Iwaspermitted to turnbackand retracemy steps is stillunanswered.But Iknowbeyonddoubt that thevisionof theother side remainsand thelink,howevertenuous,hasneverbeenbroken.Nothinghaseverbeenthesameagain.

Myexperienceisnotunique.WhenDouglasBaderlayinhospital,followingthelossofboth legs,he later recountedhisexperienceof the incrediblepeace,clarityofmindandpresenceofothers,onlytobefollowedbythestruggleandpainoffightinghiswaybackagain.Thislefthimconsciousofthevisionoftheothersideandherecountedthestoryofhow many years later when during a visit to that great golfer, Henry Longhurst, inhospital,Henryhadsaid,‘IknowIamdying,Douglas,andIonlyhopethatthefairwaysaregreeneron theotherside.’Ayearorso lapsedandwhenDouglashad justopenedafêteforcharityhewaspersuadedtovisitthefamiliarladyfortunetellerinhertent.‘Hasafriendofyoursdiedrecently?’sheasked.‘No,Idon’tthinkso,’repliedDouglas.‘Couldhis first name be Henry?’ asked the lady. Douglas immediately thought of HenryLonghurst‘Yes’,hereplied,‘Ididhaveafriendofthatnamewhodiedaboutayearago.’‘Well,’theladycontinued,‘heasksmetogiveyouamessage,“TellDouglasthefairwaysare greener.”’ Spooky, yes, but something equally spooky happened tome inAustraliawhenIwasservingasanEquerrytotheQueen.

DuringtheRoyalTourofAustraliain1954General‘Boy’Browning,Treasurertothe

Duke of Edinburgh, suggested I should visit Malaya and submit a report on thepracticalitiesofafuturevisittherebyHRH,sinceitwasthetimeoftheEmergencyandtherewereobvioussecurityimplications.AttheendofthisvisitIwentonfromSingaporeandmetupwiththeRoyalPartyinSydney,Australia.AfterafewpleasantdaysinSydneyIbookedareturnflight toSingapore inaQuantasConstellation.MichaelParker,PrincePhilip’sPrivateSecretary,askedmetotakeaRoyalBagbackcontainingfilmsandmail.Ialsoput someofmyownpapers,whichhadcaughtupwithme inSydney, in thesamemailbag.WesealedthebagandIdepositeditattheairlineofficeclosetothehotel.Thiswouldnotonlyrelievemeofmyresponsibilitywhilesavingmethetroubleofcartingitouttotheairportthefollowingmorning,butalsogivesecurityforthenight.IwenttobedearlyandhadwhatIcanonlydescribeasaverytroublednight,wakingupverydistressedwithaterriblefeelingofforeboding.OnimpulseIcalledtheairlineandaskedifIcouldpostponemy flight by a day. ‘That is quite all right,’ they replied, ‘butwhat about theRoyalBagwhichhasalreadygoneouttotheairport?’‘Wouldyoumindputtingitontheaircraft,’Iasked,‘andIwillcollectitinSingapore.’Theywereveryhappytodothisforme.

ThefirstthingIreadintheheadlinesthefollowingmorningwasthattheflightIshouldhavebeenonhadcrashedandburstintoflamesontheapproachtoChangiairfieldandallonboardhadperishedinthewreckage.Twenty-fourhourslaterIhadtheeerieexperienceof approaching over the scarred ground and burnt-outwreckagewhichmight so easilyhavebeenmyowngrave.TheRoyalMailbagwassalvagedandIstillhavepiecesofitscontentsscorchedby the fireandstainedby the foamof fireextinguishers. It iseasy toexplainthisawayasacoincidence–toogoodadinner,anupsetstomach,aslightfever,anightmare.ButI’veflownmillionsofmilesinmylifeandthiswastheonlytimeIhaveevercancelledaflightonsuchanimpulse.

***

I became no more religious in the conventional sense but I have felt on a number ofoccasions thepresenceofanexternal forceandbelievestrongly in thepowerofprayer.ThispowerwasdemonstratedwhenIwasAirOfficerCommandingNo1BomberGroupat Bawtry, near Doncaster. Leonard Cheshire had been invited to preside at a reuniondinneratNo617DambustersquadrononaFridaynightatRAFScampton,itshomebase,andoneofthestationsundermycommand.Leonardrangmeupandsaid,‘Peter,Ihaveaproblem.ItisterriblyimportantIgettoLyonsonSaturdaymorningtoattendtheopeningofoneofourfirstHomesinFrancebyaFrenchMinister,andIcannotgettherebycivilaircraftintime.DoyouthinktheRAFcouldflymethere?’

There are all sorts of difficulties to doing this kind of thing in peacetime when theServiceissocloselycontrolledbytheCivilServicefinancialbranches.Atanyrate,IrangStrikeCommandHeadquarterswiththerequest,whosaidthatinnowaywasthisastarter,and I had to relay thebadnewsback toLeonardCheshire.After a fewdays, I thoughtagain.‘Damnit,theremustbeawaytogetroundtheregulations,’andthenIrememberedMichael Carey who was a Permanent Under-Secretary in the Ministry of Defence inLondonandwhohadbeenattheDragonpreparatoryschoolinOxfordwithbothLeonardCheshireandmyself. I ranghimupand toldhimourproblem. ‘Peter,’he said, ‘doyouhaveanynavigationtrainingflightsintheGroup?’‘Yes,’Ireplied,‘werunsomeArgosy

missionstoGibraltar.’‘OK,’hecameback,‘layoneonfortheSaturdayinquestionfromScamptonandletitlandatLyonsenroutetoGibraltar,droppingoffCheshire,andIwillfix it all at this end with the financiers.’ I rang back Leonard Cheshire with the gladtidings;hedidn’tsoundsurprisedandsaid,‘Well,Peter,Iwasn’tworried,particularly,asIhavebeenprayingyouwouldfindawaytogetmethere.’IattendedaverysuccessfulandboisterousdinneratScamptonandLeonardwentoff the followingmorning tomeet theFrenchMinisterandopenanotherHome.

*Herhusband,FlightLieutenantKenWinder,wastheofficerDaddyDalehadsenttotellmywifeIwasmissingandwhohadreturnedtoNo21Squadron.

8

TheRoadAheadIstumbledthroughthisdarkandmenacingroom,stillpursuedbystrangesoundsandvoices,emergingintoashortcorridor

towardstherearofthehouse.TheroadaheadprovedadifficultoneandIseemedtotaketwostepsforwardandthenonebackbutatleastIwasmovingforward.InwhatdirectionIwasnotquitesure.

Once I had arrived at the RAF Loughborough Rehabilitation Centre I felt secure,wrappedinacocoonofdoctorsandnursesandsurroundedbypatientsinvariousstagesofrecoveryfromtheirwounds,someworsethanmineandsomebetter.SlowlyIfittedintoasmallcoterieoffairlyheavydrinkersandonceourdailylabourswerefinishedweusedtohauntthepubsaroundLoughboroughfrighteningtheirlocalinhabitantswithourburntandbroken bodies. One of my friends at this time was Flight Lieutenant Fielding-Johnsonwhosesonhadbeenon21Squadronwithme.TheyhadbeenbothawardedtheDFConthesamedayandshortlyafterwardsthesonwaskilledinalow-leveldaylightMosquitoraidonGermanywhichhadbeenambushedbyalargenumberofGermansingle-enginefighters.

ThebestthingaboutthehospitalwasthelittleBelgiannursewhocameintomyroomonemorning and foundmewith a shivering attack, a relic of the sea, and immediatelytookoffherclothes,gotintobedandsurroundedmewithherpink,warmflesh.

My day consisted of a number of one-hour periods of exercises: full legs, full arms,volleyball,bicyclinginterspersedwithboutsofswimming.ThepsychiatristIhadseenonmy arrival was convinced I had become frightened of the water, which was the veryreverseofthetruthasIfeltcloselyinvolvedwiththeseawhichIlookedonasafriend.SoIhadtoswimtwoorthreetimesaday,overseenbyabemusedswimminginstructorwhohadbeentoldtokeepmeinthewateratallcosts.Infacthehadnothingtodobutwatch.

Iwasfinallyexpelledfromthehospitalindisgrace.Mylittlegang,whohadbeenoutona particularly rowdy pub crawl, came back and gathered around a fountainwhichwassituatedona lawn in frontof thehospital.Wehadallundressed, someunwinding theirbandages, and with one great whoop we all jumped in and splashed around until ouryelling brought out the duty doctor who was not at all amused by our antics. Thefollowing morning I stood to attention in front of the Group Captain, CommandingOfficer,whoinformedmethatmypresencewasnolongerrequiredatthehospitalandtoldmetoreporttoaMedicalBoardinLondonwhereIwouldundoubtedlybeboardedoutoftheRAF.Iwasnolongerfitenoughtobeapilotandatanyratewewereatthatstageofthe war where there were plenty of aircrew just waiting to fill my shoes. Instead ofreporting to theMedicalBoard I returned toNo140WingatThorney Islandwhowerejust packing up their tents to leave for France. From there I rang my Air OfficerCommanding,AirVice-MarshalBasilEmbry,andaskedhimifIcouldreturntotheWing.

‘Iamsorry,Peter,’hesaid,‘Icannotletyougobackonoperations.Itwouldbejusttoobadifyouwerekilledwithoutamedicalcategory.However,youcanleavetodayandjointhe Second Tactical Air Force Communication Squadron which is presently based atAmiensandjusthopethemedicalauthoritiesdon’tcatchupwithyou!’

Thatwas all I needed. I set off to flyAnsons following the advancingBritishArmythrough France, Belgium and finally Germany. I had first to overcomemy fears, bothconsciousandunconscious:fearofflyingandinparticularfearofflyingoverwater.InthenextyearorsoIflewsomanycross-Channel tripsfromtheshortrouteDovertoCalaisandthelongerrouteDovertoOstendthatIlearnedtogriphardontheflyingcontrolsandsweat it out.Graduallymy fears receded, although for years I had the lurking shadowsfollowmewhenflyingoverlongstretchesofthesea.

InduecourseIwasappointedpersonalpilottotheChiefofStaffof21ArmyGroupandflew our own personal Anson. One of the earliest trips that I did was to fly GeneralMontgomery’swatchtoLondonforrepair.Itsatinsolitarysplendourbesidemeontheco-pilot’s seat! At about this time I was doing weekly trips with the Major-GeneralAministration, Miles Graham, to Rear Army Headquarters near Brussels, then on toSHAPEinParisandfinallytotheWarOfficeinLondon.TherewasoneparticularflightIrememberwithMilesGrahamat thebeginningofDecember, 1944,when the fog camedownatthesametimeastheGermansbrokethroughintheArdenneswiththeintentionofadvancing and retakingAntwerp.MilesGrahamwas ordered byMontgomery to returnimmediately toBrusselsandwebeganaverbalbattleas towhetherornot Iwould takeoff.Finally,againstmybetterjudgement,ItookofffromNortholtandheadedoutabovethe fog towardsBrussels.WhenwearrivedoverBrussels itwas still shrouded in fog. Imadetwoorthreestabsongroundcontrolledapproach.OnceIsawaploughedfieldskimbyjusttenfeetbelow.Ipulledupandtriedagain.Imadeonelastattempt,down,downIcamewith one eye on the altimeter and one eye peering out into themurky dark fog;suddenly and very quickly I saw lights ahead and the terrified looks of people flingingthemselves down on the floor. I revved up the engines, pulling the Anson up and justmissing theEverecontrol towerbyamatterof feet. Ihadhadenoughandheadedwestinto thecountrysidewhere, throughagap in the fog, I caughtaglimpseof a runway. Iimmediately put down the under-carriage and landed straight ahead. It was a disusedairfield and it took a little time to find a local inhabitant fromwhomwe could enquirewhere we were. The General commandeered a car and set off for Brussels with theGermansjustafewmilesawaystilladvancing,leavingmestrandedwiththeaircraft.

Afewdaysafterwards,onNewYear’sDay,theLuftwaffefuelledtheiraeroplaneswiththe last dropof fuel remaining inGermany and attackedAllied airfieldswith guns andbombs.Most of us had been partying the night before and arrived back at our airfieldbleary-eyed.AsthegunsbegantochatteracrosstheaerodromeIdivedunderthenearestvehiclewiththesquadronadjutant,onlytofinditwasapetrolbowserandIwaswiththelast man with whom I would wish to die! Johnnie Johnson’s Spitfire Wing at Everemanagedtogetaflightofftheground,butthenumbertwointheformationwasattackedjustasheraisedtheundercarriageandhisengineblewup.Heforcelandedstraightaheadon top of an apartment building, lifted his canopy, stepped up on the roof and steppeddowntoaverysurprisedBelgianladywhowashavingherbathintheroombelow.

***

TheWarnowbegantoreachitsclimaxandtheAlliedArmiesmovedintoGermanyitself.I tookacoveyofgeneralswhich included theChiefofStaff,FreddiedeGuingand,andMilesGrahamtolandbesidetheRhine.Theretheyalllinedup,loweredtheirtrousersandpeedintoit.Generalscanstillbehavelikesmallboys!

AndsotheAlliesspedonintotheheartlandofGermany,finallyendingupontheElbe.There, by agreement with the Russians, they called a halt. Early one morning I wassummonedbytheChiefofStaffandaskedifIwouldvolunteerforaspecialmission–toflymyAnsonintoenemy-heldterritoryandlandatFassburgtopickupGeneral-Admiralvon Friedeberg and his staff and fly them back toMontgomery’s caravan at LüneburgHeath.IntheeventoftheGeneral-AdmiralnotturningupIwastoraisetheundercarriageofmyAnsonandgivemyselfup.AMajorwasdetailedtoflywithme.Isetoffon4May,crossingthefront lineat lowlevel.IexpectedthatIshouldhavetotakeviolentevasiveactiontoescapeflakbutthegunsweresilent.Itwasasthoughabuglehadblown,endingthewar,andall theGerman troopshaddeserted theirposts togohome. Itwasaneerieexperienceflyingacrossadesertedcountryside.

RightontimeFassburgcameup;Iwasgivenagreenlightfromthegroundandlanded,taxieduptothecontroltower,waswavedinbytwoGermanairmenandswitchedoffmyengines,leavingmynavigatorinchargeoftheAnson,readytoraisetheundercarriageonmyinstructions.IgotouttothesmartsaluteoftheGermanairmenandwasescortedupaflightofstairstothecontroltower.ThereanexactreplicaofanRAFscenetookplace;theGerman duty pilot bookedme in – Flight Lieutenant Horsley, aircraft Anson, number,place of origin. It was all so meticulous that I was quite enjoying it and was given awelcomecupofcoffeeandachairtositon.

Meanwhile,outsideon theairfield, itwasas if someonehadcomealongwithastickand stuck it into a beehive, stirring up the bees to intense activity. A wide variety ofaircraft flew in, refuelled and took off again, including a jet ME262, in the last madGermanscramble to findasafehavensomewhere in thesouth.AJU52 landedandwasimmediatelyboardedbyapartyofsinister-lookinggentlemeninlongblackmackintoshes,takingoffagaininalastdesperateattempttoescaperetributionfortheirfoulmisdeeds.

Half anhourpassedand finallya cavalcadeof cars spedup to thecontrol towerandGeneral-AdmiralvonFriedeburg,thepersonal representativeofGrandAdmiralDoenitz,andhisentouragegatheredbytheaeroplane.Withasalutewhichwashardlyreturned,IusheredthemintotheAnson.Onceagain,afteragreenlightfromthetower,Itookoffandheaded towardsLüneburg. There Iwasmet byMajor-GeneralGraham.An even largercavalcadeofcars sped towardsLüneburgHeathwithmyselfand theescortingMajor inthe last one. TheGermanswere ushered intoMontgomery’s largemarqueewhere theysigned the Instrumental Surrender, watched by me from one of Monty’s caravansconvenientlyparkedcloseby.So,fromadistance,Ihadwitnessedanhistoricoccasion.InduecourseIwasrecommendedby21ArmyGroupfortheawardofanAirForceCross,withwhichKingGeorgeVIpresentedme.LittledidIrealizethatthenexttimeIshouldseehimwouldbeafewdaysbeforehisdeath.

***

Germanyhadbeenreducedtorubblebybombingandtheadvancingarmies.Thereweretwoworlds,theoneoccupiedbyrefugees,gauntandhollow-eyed,fleeingwestfromtheRussians,andtheotherwellfed,intheirsmartuniformsandstaffcars.Astherewasa‘nofraternization’baninforcethetwoworldsjustlookedateachother,silentandcurious.

MyaeroplanewasnowbasedatRAFBückeburgwhileIwasbilletedinacomfortablehouseatBadOeynhausen.InduecourseIwasappointedRAFLiaisonOfficerto21ArmyGroup,aswellaspersonalpilottotheChiefofStaff.Mywifeandson,agedtwo,joinedme.IhadbeengivenanArmybatman.

GunnerLyonswasamostdelightfuloldrogue,climbingtheArmyladderseveraltimestoSergeant,onlytobebusteddownagaintoPrivateforsomemisdemeanour.Icaughthimon the last rung. Whenever we wanted a chicken or some German gin it wouldmysteriouslyappearwiththecomplimentsofGunnerLyons.IonceremarkedtohimthatIcouldreallydowithsomenewpyjamas.AfewdayslaterLyonsappearedwiththemostexquisitematerialwhichwasquicklymadeupbytheGermantailorintoseveralpairsofpyjamas.MywifehappenedtobehavingteawiththeChiefofStaff’swifewholivedinafinehouse justdowntheroadfromusandwhoshowedher thedrawingroomwindowsbereftofcurtains,adding,‘Itwasquiteextraordinary,mydear.Theydisappearedjustlikethattheotherday!’Iamgladshedidn’thavetogotobedwithme!

TowardstheendofmytimeinGermanyIfoundthatmyStationCommanderhadputmyname forward forapermanentcommission. IdulypassedmymedicalA1G1whichmeantIwasfullyfitforaircrewsomymedicalrecordsfromLoughboroughhadstillnotcaughtupwithmeandIwasdulygazettedasapermanentFlightLieutenantintheRoyalAirForce,allwithouttryingveryhard.

In1947IreturnedtoEnglandtwoyearsaftertheendofthewarandfeltastrangerinmynativeland.Gonewasthewartimespiritofsacrifice,tobereplacedbyanatmosphereofselfishness,ofspivsandtheblackmarketandanattitudeof‘I’mallrightJack’,witheveryone trying to gain advantage over his neighbour in a country of shortages andrations.

I was posted to Headquarters No 23 Training Group as an Assistant to WingCommander Arthur Donaldson DSO, DFC. One brother, Baldie, had died in theNorwegianseaafterhisSquadronwasevacuatedtothecarrierHMSGloriouswhenshewas sunk by the German battleships Scharnhorst andGneisenau. Only two squadronpilotssurvivedonaraftintheArcticSeastotellthetale.Thesecondbrother,Teddy,wonfamebreakingtheworldspeedrecordinaMeteorjet.

AfterafewmonthsArthurDonaldsonwangledmebackontoaninstructors’courseatLittleRissington.ThiscoursewasquitedifferentfromtheoneIhadcompletedin1941.ThestudentswerenotonlyrequiredtoqualifyasinstructorsonTigerMothsandHarvardsbutalsoasinstructorsonmoreadvancedaircraftsuchastheSpitfire,Mosquito,Lancasterand,finally,thenewjetVampire.TheSpitfirewasonlyasingle-enginedMosquitoandIhadnotroubleflyingitatall.TheLancaster,withitsfourengines,wasanovelty,butIgotthehangofitfairlyquickly.TheVampirewasadifferentkettleoffish,ratherlikeflyingahoover.Beingaseasonedpilot,Iwashandedacopyofthepilot’snotesandtoldtogetonwithflyingit.Myfirst flight in thenewjetwasanunnervingexperience.Istarted itup

and it sounded just likeavacuumcleaner.Theearly jetacceleratedveryslowly,at firstgaspingforairandflyingspeeddowntheshortwartimerunways.Graduallygettingmoreconfident, it seemed togaspandgulp theairdown.Thus,with theabsenceof thenoiseandvibrationof apiston-enginedaircraft, itoftenconvincednewcomers that somethingwasseriouslywrong. Itcertainlydidme,butas theendof therunwayloomedupandIwasobviouslyfullycommittedIwaspleasantlysurprisedtofindthatonhaulingbackonthe stick thisnewbird leapt into the airwith thegraceof abird.TheVampire climbedcheerfullyaway,stillsoundinglikeavacuumcleanerandflyingitsoonbegantofeellikefun.Suddenlyyouexperiencedacompletelynewfreedomofcuttinghugechunksofsky,carvingitintofigureswithalltheeaseandgraceofaskaterdancingoncloudsinsteadofice.

Even at theCentral Flying School littlewas yet known about supersonic flight. TheMeteorhadbeenrushedintoservicetobeusedagainsttheflyingbombs.GroupCaptainTeddyDonaldsonhadflownoneinthehigh-speedflightatTangmereat611mph(Mach.81)–atrueairspeedclosetothespeedofsoundataverylowaltitude.Duringavisittohisbrother Arthur at Leighton Buzzard, Teddy had described to me the violent buffetingwhich began as he reached compressibility. Supersonic speed then seemed animpenetrablebarrier,especiallyafter theexperimentalDH108hadbrokenup,killingthepilotGeoffreydeHavillandwhenattemptingtoachievethebreakthrough.WeweretaughtatCFS that you couldnot get intomuch trouble providedyouexperimented in thin airabove30,000feet.MyinstructordemonstratedhowyoucouldclimbaMeteorto40,000feet,open the throttle fully, turn theaircrafton itsbackandpull it through.TheMeteorwouldthenfalllikeaproverbialbrick,quicklyreachingitsterminalvelocityof.84Mach,protesting and shakingviolently. It took all of another 10,000 feet to straighten her outagain,leavingaconfusedandsometimesbruisedpilot.Itwasnotaverypopularexercise.

The first indication that things were not proceeding normally came about half-waythrough the course when a signal arrived addressed ‘Personal for Flight LieutenantHorsley’summoningmeforaninterviewwiththeWingCommanderintheDirectorateofPersonnelintheAirMinistry.IwonderedwhatheinouscrimehadpossiblyfollowedmefromGermany.WhatIdidnotknowatthetimewasthatIwasstartingoffdownanewroadwhichwouldeventuallyleadmetotheAirMemberforPersonnelhimself.

SoonewetandmiserablemorningIdulypresentedmyselfinawell-pressed‘bestblue’uniform before Wing Commander Spencer. Without beating about the bush, he askedwhether I would like to be considered, among other candidates, for the post of ExtraEquerrytotheirRoyalHighnessesPrincessElizabethandtheDukeofEdinburgh.

IhadnoknowledgeoftheprocessesintheAirMinistryforsortingthesheepfromthegoatsbutat thatmoment Iwasa sheepand,without further thought, Ianswered, ‘Yes.’TheWingCommanderpointedoutthatmyfinancialaffairshadtobemorethansoundandmydomesticsituationimpeccable.Itoldawhitelieaboutboth.Myfinancialsituationwasjustall right; Ihadworked through themoneyfromthesaleofmygrandmother’sslumpropertyandhadabout£700left.Mymarriage,ontheotherhand,hadjustpassedthroughacrisisandwewerestillgingerlyfeelingourwayforward.Thatboatwasleakingbutatleastwasstillafloat.

IreturnedtoLittleRissingtonelated.Theseahaddrainedmeofmuchmorethanjust

physicalenergy.ForthefirsttimesincemyescapeIfeltaquickeningofthepulseandarenewedinterestinlife.MysensesstirredsharplyatthethoughtofthisentirelynewroadopeningupbeforemeandIfeltlikealionessgettingthefirstscentofapreyborneonafresheningbreeze.

Theprocessofeliminationcontinuedforthenextmonthorso.SomeprogressedfromtheWingCommander’sembracestomoveontotheGroupCaptainandthesurvivorsthenontoanAirCommodore.Finallyonlythreeofuswereleftforinterviewbythe‘nexttoGod’himself,anAirVice-Marshal.TheinterviewwiththeDirectorGeneralofPersonnelcouldnothavetakenplaceunderlessauspiciousconditionsandIwouldhavepreferredamoresuitableoccasionatwhichtoshineasapossiblecourtier.

It so happened that theDirectorGeneralwas the guest of honour at the final courseGuestNight.WhilsttheCommandantwithhisVIPandotherdistinguishedguestsretiredtothebar,therestofussettleddown,ifthatistherightphrase,totheusualroughmessgames in theanteroom.TheStationAdjutant extractedme from thebottomofa ruggerscrumandorderedmetoreportforthwithtotheCommandant.Iwasinpoorshape,minuscollarandbow tie,mywhite stiff shirt spottedwithbloodandmymess jacketmissing.However,bythistimeIhadimbibedsufficientalcoholnottocareverymuchanyway.SoIduly reported to the Commandant, Air CommodoreMacdonald and his very importantguest,theDirectorGeneral.

TheAirVice-Marshalwas,ofcourse, immaculateasallAirVice-Marshalsshouldbeandhemusthavebeensurprisedtoseesuchafigurebeforehim,evenifhewasdecentenoughnottoshowit.HedidatleasthaveatwinkleinhiseyeswhichseemedtosaythathewasnostrangertotheanticsofyoungpilotsonGuestNights.

I imagined thatwas theendof that. Ithadbeenfunwhile it lasted.At theendof thecourse Iwas posted asAdjutant tomyold friend ofCanadian days,WingCommanderChristopherFoxley-Norris,atOxfordUniversityAirSquadron.

IsettleddownatOxfordhappilyenough,rentingasmallCotswoldcottageinthevillageof Stonefield on the edge of the Blenheim Palace estate. The Oxford University AirSquadronwasquiteunlikeanyotherRAFunitinwhichIhadserved.TheSquadronwascommandedbyaWingCommander,usuallyanex-Oxfordgraduatehimself,andconsistedof a Squadron Leader Chief Flying Instructor, a Flight Lieutenant Adjutant, a civilianChiefGroundInstructor,JackAkers,andaciviliansecretary,OliveRound,bothofwhomhad been with the Oxford University Air Squadron for a very long time and kneweverythingtherewastoknowaboutthepeculiaritiesofUniversityAirSquadrons.Finallytherewerefourorfiveflyinginstructors.

In 1948, the students were about equally divided between very experienced ex-RAFwartimepilotscontinuingorstartingtheiruniversitydegreesonveryslendergrantsornewgraduates,oneortwoofwhomitwashopedwouldjointheRAFwhentheygraduated(aformer Chief of theDefence Staff,Marshal of the Royal Air Force Lord Craig, was ayoung cadet whom I had taught to fly during my time as Adjutant). The townHeadquarterswashousedinoldtinbuildingsjustoffManorRoad,nextdoortotheverysplendid andnewbrickbuildingof ourArmyequivalent.However, our small squadronmesswas immenselypopular andoneof thegreat attractions for impecunious students,

offeringexcellentfoodanddrinkatwhatmusthavebeenthelowestpricesinOxford.Mywork was congenial and undemanding, gentle paper work in the mornings (anythingdifficultIhadonlytorefertoJackAkersorOliveRoundtofindananswer),followedbylunchwiththestudentsandadriveovertoRAFAbingdonwiththeotherinstructorsandstudents in the afternoons for flying instruction. The OUAS did not have the usualdisciplineoftheRAFunit,yetwasnotquiteasfreeandeasyasaflyingclubeither,withanunwrittenconstitutionsomewherejustbetween.

While I went aboutmy duties asAdjutant under thewatchful eye of the CO, I wasneverquite surewhatmycolleagueswereup to.TheChiefFlying Instructor,SquadronLeaderGuyCory,amanofimmensetalentandcharm,wasatthesametimereadingforauniversity degree. Another instructor, Flight Lieutenant Trevor Gallagher, a tall craggyNewZealander,wasalso takingadegreeatMertonCollege, trainingforhisblue in theOxfordboatandstudying forhisRAFpromotionexamination,allwithaverypregnantwife;howhemanagedtokeepall theseactivitiesundersomesemblanceofcontrolwasbeyond imagination. The remaining instructors seemed to have other interests. ‘Tiger’Davidwasthecaricatureof‘PilotOfficerPrune’,albeitaveryelderlyone,completewithwhite handlebar moustache which he constantly twirled and groomed with militaryprecision.HehadbeenatWellingtonCollege in themid-twenties, takenanRAFshort-service commission and reached his ceiling as a Flight Lieutenant with 8,000 hoursinstructingonTigerMothsinhislogbook!AsfarasIcouldsee‘Tiger’spenthisfreetimeevadingeitherthemoneylendersorthepolice,forvariousminormotoringoffences.Itwasperhapsfortunateforhimthatthebreathalyzerwasnotinventedinthosedays.Hekepthiscompanionsandfellowinstructorsfascinatedbyhisdescriptionsofhisexploitswiththe‘rozzers’thepreviousevening.‘Tiger’lefttheServiceandbecamelandlordofapub.Thiswasafatalcourseforhimandforhiswife,bothdevelopingintotheirownbestcustomers.I last saw ‘Tiger’David, someyears later, as thedriver in a longqueueof commercialvansontheirwaytoSouthamptonDocksforexport.

TherewereonlytwoincidentsIrememberwellduringmyshortperiodatOxford.Thefirst occurred when I was teaching a student how to make a forced landing in a fieldfollowingenginefailure.DuringhisownattemptIallowedhimtoglidetheaircraftfartooclosetoahighbramblehedgeonthefaredgeofthefield.Itookoveronlyjustintimetoavoid a complete disaster, opening up the engine, but still flew through the top of thehedge,carryingasmallplantationembeddedinthewingsbacktobase.OnanRAFunittherewouldhaveundoubtedlybeenaformalenquirybutonsuchanunconventionalunitthedamagewasrepairedandnoreportmade.

The second incidentwas farmore serious andmaywell have shortenedGuyCory’scareer in theRAF.Oneofmy studentswas ayoungmancalledNicholaswhohadhadsomepreviousflyingexperiencebutwhoseability,inmyopinion,hadbeensuspectfromthe start.On this particular occasion,when Iwason leave, theCFI tookNicholason atwo-aircraft dog-fighting exercise in the low flying area. During the ensuing series ofmanoeuvresNicholasspunintotheground.Hewasremovedfromthewreckage,luckytobe alivebutwithone legverybadly injured.Theonlywayof saving itwas tooperatewhilehewasunconscious,withoutknowingwhattheeffectsmightbe.Permissiontodosowasaccordinglysoughtandwasgivenbyhisparents.

When Nicholas regained consciousness the leg was saved, but he was as mad as aMarchhare.AfterbitingseveralnursesintheRadcliffeHospital,hewasremovedtotheWarncliffeMentalAsylumwhere Iused tovisithimat leastonceaweek.Heremainedthereplottingandmakingmayhemagainststaffand inmatesalikeforaboutsixmonths,until onemorning he woke up perfectly normal but with sixmonthsmissing from hismemory.AsfarasIamaware,heneverresumedhisflyingcareer.

Aftermuchdebate,inwhichIwasonlyinvolvedasNicholas’sinstructor,theCFIwasplaced under open arrest and charged with flying in such a manner as to endangeranother’slife.Itwasanobscurechargeanditprovedverydifficulttomakeitstick.Guywasaquittedbutleftthesquadronunderacloud.

***

WhileIwasatOxfordmyeldestbrotherTerencewaskilledinaglideraccidentandtheghost of the pastwas finally laid to rest.His obituary byAtticus ofTheSundayTimesdescribedapersonIdidnotknow.

Thebrave,restlessspiritofTerenceHorsleywasconsumedbyapassionforadventureanddiscovery.Allhislifehesoughtfreshworldstoexplore,newhazardstocombatandvanquish.Hewasabsorbedbytheconflictofmanwithnature,a themewhichconstantly recurs inhiswritings,and itwas thisaspectofsoaringflight– the lonebattlewithanelementalfreakliketheDerbyshirethermal–whichappealedmostofalltohim.

ForyearsheplayedcourtgameswithenthusiasmandhisownoriginalityofstyleatManchesterTennisandRacketsClub.JustbeforehistragicdeathinaglideraccidentImentionedthatIhadseenhisnameenteredfortheAmateurTennisChampionshipatQueen’sthisweek-end.‘Ilikethegame,’hesaid.‘It’ssodarneddifficult.’

Toanengagingindependenceofmind,TerenceHorsleyalliedanappreciationofbeautywhichennobledhiswriting.HisworkinTheSundayEmpireNews,ofwhichhewaseditor,hisessaysinTheSundayTimesandhisbooks,withtheirbackgroundofriver,mountainandsky,showedanacutesenseofobservation,andaloveofwildnaturewhichhisfineprosevividlyexpressed.It issad that thisgiftedwriter livedtocompleteonlyonenovel,Jamie,thestoryofaHighlandcrofter’sson,whichIlearn,istobepublishedlaterthisyear.

***

Ihadalmost forgotten lastyear’s luckydipwhenOliveRound,oursecretary,burst intomyoffice inagreat stateonespringmorning,clutchingaconfidential signalwhichsheproceeded to read out to me: ‘Flight Lieutenant B. P. T. Horsley (63463) of OxfordUniversityAirSquadron isunderconsideration forappointment toH.R.H.ThePrincessElizabeth and The Duke of Edinburgh. He may be required for interview at ClarenceHouseatveryshortnotice.Heisnot,therefore,toleavehisunitonattachmentleaveetc.withoutthepriorapprovaloftheAirMinistry.’Howwonderful!

The shock had hardly abated before another signal arrived, telling me to report toBuckingham Palace at noon on 7 May for an interview with Lieutenant General SirFrederickBrowning,ComptrollerandTreasurertoTheirRoyalHighnesses.

With only a few days to preparemyself for this interview, Imanaged to accomplishonlytwothings.Thefirstwastobuyabowlerhat,sinceIthoughtittheproperheadgearforthePalace(infactIseldomworeitthereafter),thesecondwastofindoutsomethingaboutGeneralBrowningwhichIdidinourlibrary’scopyofWho’sWho:

Browning,Lt-GenSirFrederickKBE,CBDSO,ComptrollerandTreasurertoPrincessElizabeth’sHouseholdsince1947,MilitarySecretarytoSecretaryofStateforWar1946–47,retiredfromArmy1947.m.1932Daphne(see,DaphneduMaurier) d. of the lateSirGerald duMaurier.One s., twod.Commanded2ndBnGrenadierGuards,1stAirborneDivision1941–43,BritishAirborneCorps1944;DeputyCmdrFirstAlliedAirborneArmy

1944.ChiefofStafftoAdmiralLordLouisMountbattenSEACClubs:Guards,Turf.

Whatbetterpedigreecouldonehavethanthat,Ithought.

We did have something in common – flying; and in particular I had suffered onemiserable and cold night in a slit trench on the edge ofNijmegen airfield, after flyingMajorGeneralMilesGrahamthereforaconferencewiththeAlliedAirborneCommanderduringthebloodybattleforthe‘onebridgetoofar’–Arnhem.SoIhaddonemylittlebitforairborneforces.

18.PrincePhilip’stourofNorthernCanada,1954,accompaniedbyMikeParkerandPH.WiththeGovernorGeneral,LionelMassey,andhisstaff.

19.PrincePhilipwatchesPHtryingtoloadacameraaboardanRCAFCatalina.

20.CommandingOfficer,RAFAkrotiri,Cyprus,1963.

21.The10.20forNewYorkleavesStPancras.

22.Offtowork–theManfromtheMinistry.

Iremember littleabout thatvisit to thePalace,never imaginingthatonedayIshouldworkthere.Thereissomethingabouttheplacethatdemandssilence.Ontheotherhand,ClarenceHousewasanoisyplacebycomparison,whoseoccupantsdidn’tseemtomindraisingtheirvoices,ofteninlaughter.ButinthePalaceitwasdifferent.PeopleseemedtowalkontiptoeandtalkinwhispersasthoughfrightenedofwakingRoyalghosts.Ifound‘Boy’Browning to be a young-looking, charming and immaculately groomedman, theveryepitomeofaGuardsofficer.Indeed,wedidtalkaboutflying,almosttotheexclusionof anything else.General Browningwas particularly interested inmy days in 2i ArmyGroupandknewmostofthepeopleIhadpiloted.Likeanyastuteinterviewer,hegavemefullreinandnodoubtcametohisownconclusionsregardingmysuitabilityforaRoyalpost.Ileftwithoutanyhintoftheoutcome,althoughIfeltwehadfoundalotofcommonground.AtworstIhadatleastseentheinsideofBuckinghamPalace.

SoIreturnedtoOxford,gotonwithmyjobandwaited.

On1JulyIwaspromotedtoSquadronLeader.Returninglateoneafternoonfromflyingat Kidlington, I was greeted once again by Olive Round waving a piece of paper.‘Clarence House telephoned and I took down thismessage,’ she said breathlessly. Themessageread,‘YouarerequestedforinterviewwithPrincessElizabethandPrincePhilipat1000hrsonFriday8JulyandyouhavetoreporttoLieutenantCommanderParkerRNat 0950 hrs.’ I had entered the contestwith a certain amount of cheek and bluff, neverexpectingtokeepupwiththefrontrunners,soitwassomethingofashocktofindmyselfinthelead,facingwhatnowloomedupinfrontofmelikeBeecher’sBrook.

AtClarenceHouse a liveried footman conductedme to theofficeofMichaelParker,PrincePhilip’sPrivateSecretary.He,inturn,introducedmetoLieutenantColonelMartinCharteris,PrincessElizabeth’sPrivateSecretary;LieutenantGeneral‘Boy’Browningwasthereaswell.Isupposethestaffwerenowholdingacollectiveview!MichaelParkerwasagreathelp.HeobviouslysawhownervousIwasanddidhisverybesttoputmeatease.‘Don’tworry,’ he said, ‘just relax and act naturally.’ I relaxed. ‘Incidentally,’ he added,‘youwill alsobe lunchingwithPrincessElizabethandPrincePhilip.PrincessMargaretwillbelunchingaswell.BacktoBeecher’sBrook!

MichaelParkerwasrightofcourse.Ineednothaveworried.Itcouldhardlyhavebeencalledaninterviewassuch.IwasescortedintothereceptionhallatClarenceHouseand,after ‘Boy’ Browning had made the introductions, conversation flowed easily andnaturally. Iwasmade to feel likeaguestbeinggreetedbyhishostandhostess. It is soeasytowrite,assomanyhave,thattheQueenradiateswarmth,butthatiswhatstruckmefrommyveryfirstmeetingandIneverhadcauseevertochangethatfirstimpression.Shehasawonderfulability,as indeedhas theQueenMother,ofmakingyou feelbetterandbigger for themeeting. I enjoyed a light-hearted exchangewithPrincePhilip about thetribulations of instructing university students in the Tiger Moth but right from thebeginningitwasquiteobviousthatflyingwasbeginningtointeresthimandtheseedwassown.PrincessElizabeth concluded the interviewwith ‘We look forward to seeing youagainforlunch.’

Lunch,too,hadanairofunreality.TherewerejustthefourofusandIwasseatednexttoPrincessMargaret.Itshouldbequiteeasy;lunchislunchafterallandeatingisafairlycommonandstraightforwardsortofbusiness.However,nervescanspillsoup,knockover

wineglasses,causeyoutosaythewrongthing.OnthisoccasioneverythingwentwellandIwasbeginningtocongratulatemyself,thatisuntilthefruitwascirculated.Ifyoudon’talreadyknow,fruitcanbeaterribletrapfortheunwaryandIfellrightintoit.Unlessyouarequiteconfidentofwhatyouareabout,avoiditliketheplague.Youmustbeconfidentof knowing exactly how to extract the fruit and transfer to yourmouth with style anddignity – particularly bananas! Grape pips and the core of an apple can also presentproblems.However,mydownfallcamewithanorange.Neverdealwithanorangeunlessyouareinabath.How,afterall,doyoupeelanorangewithabluntknife?Andallfruitknivesareblunt. Ihaveoften thought that fruitknivesaredesigned tocatchoutpeoplelikeme.Havingmadetheoriginalmistakeofacceptingfruitatall,Ibegantotacklethetask,hopingtoremainunobserved.FirstIbegantopeelitwithmyfingersandsquirtedthejuiceovermycharmingneighbourwhichimmediatelydrewattentiontomyanticsasshemoppedup.NextItookaknifewhichwas,asusual,bluntandonlysucceededinreducingtheorangetoasoggymesswitheveryone,footmenincluded,absolutelyfascinatedbythisexercise,andHerRoyalHighnessPrincessMargaretalmosthysterical. Iexaggerate,butnotmuch. I could better have qualified for the post of Court Jester, but I did learn animportantlessonforacourtier:thinkwellbeforeyoumoveanddon’tpropelyourselfintothepubliceye.

9

AStatelyRoomAftertraversingthisshortcorridor,Icametoalargeornatedoorwhichledintoagrandroomfullofthemostelegant

furniture.We are all just climbers taking different routes up the samemountain,whose toweringpeakaheadseemsunassailable.Formostofthetimetheascentisahard,unrewardingslogbutjustoccasionallythesurroundingmistliftsanditispossibletocatchabriefglimpseofanunexploredrouteahead.Asthesunsuddenlyburststhroughtheclouds,illuminatingthesharpoutlineandmagnificenceofthemountain,thespiritsrisetoitschallengeandwithrenewedenergyyousetoffupanewandexcitingpath.Suchapathsuddenlyappearedinfrontofme,anditstotalstrangenesstookmybreathaway.Sobegananadventurewhichlasted sevenyearsand tookme tounexplored lands.Thisadventurewidenedmyvisionandintroducedmetomanydifferentpeoplesineverywalkoflife;itcreatedapathalongwhichIwasabletoprogressmorerapidlyfortheexperience.

At the beginning of July, 1949, I was posted to Headquarters No 65Group at RAFHendon. At the same time the Court Circular of The Times announced that ‘PrincessElizabeth and Prince Philip have appointed Squadron Leader Beresford Horsley asEquerry for the period of one year’. I proudly affixed the Royal Cyphers on to theshoulderofmybestblueuniformandawaitedthecall.

It was not long before I had the first indication of the difficulties I was going toexperience. The RoyalAir Force had never been a steady source of recruits for RoyalHouseholdpostsashadtheArmyandRoyalNavy.Appointmentsoftenranthroughwellestablished families from father to son.Therewereobvious reasons for this:wewereanewServiceformedfromahotchpotchofArmyandNavalrecruits,unitedonlybytheirdedication to an independent flying force and love of the freedom of the air. Flyingrequired different disciplines and skills and so attracted a different breed of person,perhapsappearingcasualandrecklessonthegroundbutalwaysfearlessintheair.Wehadlittleornofamilytraditiontobuildon,wehadnoDartmouthorWellingtontocatchthesonsofNavalandArmyfathersatpuberty.BeforetheSecondWorldWar,regularofficerswere trained at Cranwell and the balancewasmade up by short-service commissionedofficers, little lovebeing lostbetween the twobreeds.The rapidexpansion immediatelybefore theWar attracted the best type of adventurer from the old Commonwealth.Werecruitedcomparativelyfewpublicschoolboys.OfcoursetherewereexceptionslikePeterTownsend who, when I was appointed an Equerry, was considered more ‘Palace’ thanRAF.

So,withafootinbothcamps,IsoondiscoveredthattheRAFviewedmyownpositionwith suspicion and distrust; they were two-faced about it, applauding the benefits andpublicity, but making life on occasions as difficult as possible. You would not have

thoughtitverydifficultfortheAirMinistrytoarrangeacoupleofthree-yearpostingsintheLondonarea;theyhadplentyofoptionstochoosefrom.Insteadtheydidtheoppositebypostingme six times in three years – an averageof once every sixmonths!First toRAFHendon, then incommandofRAFNorthWeald, toHeadquartersNo11GroupatUxbridge,totheStaffCollegeatBracknell,toFighterCommandHeadquartersatBentleyPriory and finally to command No 29 Squadron at RAF Tangmere. These six movesinvolvedmeinconsiderablefamilyupheavalandadditionalexpense.Upuntil1952IhadtoliveonmySquadronLeader’spay,atthattime£1,300ayear,undertakingtwojobsatonce, travelling extensively, with two different sets of clothing and at the same timeeducatingasonattheDragonSchool.FortunatelyIhadatolerantbankmanagerwhowasalsoanardentRoyalistandwasdeterminedtofinanceme.

Moneywasalwaysaproblemintheearlyyears,butthingsimprovedlaterwhenIwaspromoted Wing Commander and received a legacy under the will of my uncle. Afterreading Sir Frederick Ponsonby’s bookRecollections of Three Reigns I discovered thatthingshadnotchangedverymuchandIquoteacoupleofpassagesfromthebookwhichhadafamiliarring:

AsmydutiesasEquerrytotheQueenonlyoccupiedfourmonthsintheyear,Ihadtoserveasasoldierfortheremainingeight.Inthosedaysthispresentednorealdifficulty,but,despitethefactthatmostofmyfourmonths’dutyasEquerryhadtocomeoutofmyleave,Isoonincurredthewrathofmycommandingofficeronaccountofmy absences from the battalion. He suddenly became very democratic, and said that it was monstrous that IshouldcountasanordinaryofficerinthebattalionwhenIwassooftenaway.Butasmypositionwaslaiddowninregulations,hecoulddonomorethanmakecausticremarksonthesubject.

PonsonbywentontowritethattheWarOffice:

thought it preposterous that an Equerry should be drawing full pay from theArmy and receive £500 p.a. forEquerrywork.TheSecretaryofStatewrotetoKingEdwardVIItotheeffectthattheArmyproposedthatServiceEquerriesshouldonlyholdtheappointmentforfiveyears,thattheyshouldreceivenoArmypay,andthatthefiveyearsshouldnotcountforpension.TheKingexplodedwithrageandtheArmybeatahastyretreat.

However,itdidseemthatthefinancialplightofEquerrieshadbecomeagooddealworsesince1901asIreceivedmyservicepayonly(anextrafivehundredpoundsayearwouldhavebeenafortuneevenat1953rates).

Mydutiesduringthefirstyearwerenegligible,soGeneralBrowningsuggestedthatIdoasecondtour.IaccompaniedPrincessElizabethandPrincePhiliponRAFoccasionsaswellascarryingoutmynormalRAFduties.ApartfromAidesdeCamptotheKingIwastheonlyRAFofficer,andajunioroneat that, towearRoyalCyphersandIfoundthesepickedmeoutfromthecrowd.Iwasnaturallythesubjectofconsiderablejealousyandafewofmycontemporariescouldnotresistthetemptationtosinkaknifeinmyback.AtthesametimeIwasalsoconstantlycourtedasaminordispenserofRoyal favours–anintroduction here, an invitation there. It was at times difficult to keep my sense ofperspective.

InDecember,1951,PrincessElizabethandPrincePhilipsetoffontheirfirstAustralianTour, travelling via Kenya. They appointed an Australian Wing Commander namedCowanasanEquerryforthetour,so,likeCinderella,Iwasleftbehindtolookaftertheoffice atClarenceHouse, togetherwithLeslieTreby, theClerkAccountant. TheRoyalPartydepartedfromLondonAirportandIwasincludedinthosewhosawthemoff.ItwasabitterlycolddayandtheKinglookedsoillandsad,almostasthoughheknewitwould

bethelasttimethathesawhisdaughter.InJanuaryItookupmynotsoonerousdutiesatClarenceHousewhichconsistedofsortingthemailintotwopiles,oneforforwardingandthe other which I could answer myself. The rest of the Royal Family, including thechildren,wereatSandringham.

On 6 February, 1952, theKing died at Sandringham andmy idleworld collapsed. Isuddenly foundmyself at the centre of the universe as Equerry to the Queen! Endlessquestionsweredirectedatme.Whattodowiththechildren?HowwouldtheRoyalcouplecome back?Would they go direct to Buckingham Palace?What flags should they flythere?Andsoon.Ididmybesttoanswerthem,alwayswiththequietandefficientLeslieTrebyatmyside.

IreceivedasignalfromGeneralBrowningontheGothic, theshipservingasaRoyalYachtforthetour,inMombasa:

FromBrowningToAdmiraltyforHorsleyatClarenceHousePleasearrangeaircrafttoflythestaffandbaggageleftonGothic.ParkerwillarrangereturnofRoyalPartyfromTreeTops.

This looked like a clear instruction. Consequently, at midnight I rang the duty WingCommanderatRAFTransportCommandwhoprovedextremelyco-operative.HeatonceplacedtwoHastingsaircraftonimmediatestandby.IestablishedcommunicationwiththeGothic throughAdmiraltySignalsand thatnight traffic flowedbackwardsand forwardsbetweenLondonandMombasa.AtdawnoneHastingstookoffforMombasaandonetoCyprus.

FromAdmiralty(Horsley)ToFlagOfficerRoyalYachtsforCowanOne Hastings despatchedWaddi Siedna, Khartoum,Mombasa and one further Hastings positioned at Timbo,Cyprusatsixhoursreadiness.

LateronthatmorningaveryangryCommander-in-ChiefTransportCommandrangmeatClarenceHousetoaskwhatIwasdoingorderinghisaircrafttoflyroundtheworld.

The final twist to this storywaswhen theRoyal footmencleared theHastingsof thebaggage. In their hurry they also removed the aircraft radios, raising a signal fromTransportCommand, ‘Wedon’tmindyouborrowingour aircraftbutplease return theirradios!’

OnthedaytheQueenwasduebackIwassentforbyQueenMarywhohandedmealetter saying, ‘You are to see the Queen receives this first before she steps out of theaircraft.’ So off I went to London Airport and explained my mission to the AirportCommandantand toWinstonChurchill, thePrimeMinister,whowaswaiting to receivetheQueen.IwentonboardtheaircraftandgreetedHerMajestywiththewords,‘Ma’am,QueenMaryhasaskedmetogiveyouthiswithinstructionstoreaditbeforeyougetoutoftheaircraft.’Icanonlyimaginewhatitsaid.

***

TherewasconsiderableupheavalintheremovaloftheHouseholdfromClarenceHousetoBuckinghamPalace,andagooddealofjockeyingforpositionandspacebetweentheoldstaffandthenew.ItwaseasytodetectresentmentonthepartofthelateKing’sstaffas,no

doubt,theyfeltthreatenedbythenewrégime.TheQueenMotherandPrincessMargaretmoved toClarenceHouse;GroupCaptainTownsend accompanied them.Over the nextyearorsothereweremanychangesastheQueenformedtheteamshewantedaroundher,andalotoftheoldstaffquietlydisappeared.OnGeneralBrowning’srecommendation,Icommandeeredafine,largeofficeonthegroundflooroverlookingthegarden.Mytenure,however,lastedonlyafewdaysbeforeIwasmovedoutbyoneoftheQueen’sAssistantPrivateSecretaries,andwasrelegatedtoanatticonthesecondfloorwhichhadobviouslybeenapartoftheoldservants’quarters,wherethroughalowwindowyoucouldjustmakeouttheforecourtofthePalace.Itwasclearwhoruledtheroost!

InMay, 1952, I received a letter fromGeneral Browning to say that theQueen haddirectedthatIshouldcontinuemydutiesasEquerrytoHerMajesty.Forthetimebeing,therefore, I ceased my duties with Prince Philip. This again was not quite a simplearrangementwithintheHouseholdstructure.AnEquerrynormallydidafull-timespellondutyfollowedbyanequalspelloff,returningtowhateverotherdutieshewasperforming.However,Iwasoccupyingafull-timepostintheRAF,butstilloncall.Idon’tthinkthePalacehierarchy liked thisverymuch.AnEquerrywasverymuchat thebottomof thepeckingorderandusuallytookthestickwhenthingswentwrong;eventheseniorPalaceservantsputyouinyourplaceifyouoversteppedthemark.

At theendof June Iwasposted toRAFTangmere tocommandNo29NightFighterSquadron,flyingMeteorNFXIs.BythetimeIarrivedatTangmeremyHouseholddutieswereoccupyingaboutthirtypercentofmytimeandtheRAFtheotherseventypercent.AsanyRAFjetsquadroncommanderknows,hisfirstoperationalcommandrequiredonehundredpercentofhistime.Attheheightofmysecondingduties,theRAFhaddecidedto giveme thismost demanding Service job. BothmyWing and Station CommanderswerequiteconvincedIwouldfallflatonmyback,buttheyhadn’ttakenintoaccountthatNo29Squadronflewmostlyatnight,and therewereafterallstill thedaylighthours inwhichtoperformmydutiesasanEquerry.

While at Tangmere I was involved in an embarrassing incident with my StationCommander.WiththeQueen’sReviewoftheRoyalAirForceatOdihamdueinJulyofthe following year, it had been decided, for whatever reason, to swap the StationCommanders of Odiham and Tangmere, so that Group Captain Sam Elworthy (a veryseniorGroupCaptain and verymuch on the rise, eventually ending up asChief of theDefence Staff) went to Odiham and Group Captain John Kent, a very distinguishedwartime fighter pilot and a Canadian, wasmoved to Tangmere. Unfortunately, JohnnieKenttookitasapersonalslightbothtohimselfandhiscountry‘thataCanadianwasnotgoodenoughtoreceivetheQueen’.AsIwastarredwiththeRoyalbrush,heproceededtotakeitoutonme,makingmylifeasdifficultaspossible.ButhefinallyaccepteddefeatwhenhewasforcedtoseetheDukeofEdinburghofffromhisownstationonanaircraftof the Royal Canadian Air Force on a tour of Canada accompanied by his PrivateSecretary, CommanderMichael Parker, and one of his former Squadron Commanders,SquadronLeaderPeterHorsley!

***

InApril,1953,MichaelParkeraskedmeifIwouldliketojoinPrincePhilip’sPalaceStafffull time. Itwasabigdecision tomake. ItwouldmeanbeingawayfromtheRoyalAir

Force, which wouldn’t help my career at all. I discussed it with my Air OfficerCommanding,AirVice-MarshaltheEarlofBandon,whoeventuallysaid,‘Goaheadandtakeit,youwon’tgetasecondchancelikethis.’

PrincePhilip’stourofCanadain1954wasanambitiousoneandcoveredanimmenseamountofBritishColumbiaandNorthCanada.We tookoff inaVIPNorthStarof theRCAF flying toVancouverwhere Prince Philip attended the EmpireGames. TherewewerefortunateenoughtoseeRogerBannistergrindLandy,theAustralian,intothegroundin an unforgettable sub-four-minute mile. From Vancouver we boarded a Catalina andflewnorthwards to Sandspit,Whitehorse, Fort Simpson, PortRadium,Coppermine andfinallyYellowknife.By the timewe arrived atChurchill Iwas quite exhausted andputPrincePhilipintotropicalkittoinspectaguardofhonouratChurchillwhichwasdressedin fur caps amid a snow-covered Canadian scene! Returning toQuebec, we joined theRoyalYachtBritanniaand,withPrincePhiliponboard,IactedasIdidonlateroccasionsasMasteroftheHousehold.AfterafewdaysfishingontheEagleRiverwesteamedbacktoEngland.

WhilewewereinQuebectherewasoneawfullunchpartythatIshallneverforget.Itwas given by Prince Philip for approximately thirty Canadian guests on Saturday 14AugustbeforesailingforGooseBay,Labrador.Theguests’seatingplanhadbeensortedout indetailwith theGovernor’sOffice. Ithad tobedonewithparticular sensitivityasthere were French and English Canadians on it who had not spoken to each other foryears.IgavethefinalseatingplantotheNavalstewardinchargeofthediningroomandsaidIwouldcheckthenameplacesjustbeforelunch.Heappeareddeeplyinsultedbythissuggestionandsaid,‘IhavebeenHeadStewardofRoyalYachtsfortwentyfiveyears,Sir,andnoonehaseverhad tocheckmywork.’ ‘All right,’ I replied, ‘I leave it entirely toyou.’

Lunchwasatoneo’clockandatfivetooneIdidgointothediningroomtochecktheseating plan after all and found that he had placed the names north on south, in otherwords,theguestswereonthewrongsideofthetable.Iquicklytoldhimtochangethemoverbut inapanichegatheredupall thecardsand thenmuddled them. IquicklywentthroughthepassagewaytobriefPrincePhilipnot tobringhisguests intolunchjustyet,whenImethimhalf-way,leadinghisguestsin.TherewasnothingIcoulddotostophim.In fact, Prince Philip thoroughly enjoyed himself at the muddle for which I wasresponsibleand said tohisguests, ‘Just sit anywhere’. Iwouldhavegladlydisappearedhadaholeopenedupinfrontofmebut,infact,IwastoldlaterbytheGovernor’sOfficethatthepartywasagreatsuccessandthatpeoplehadactuallytalkedtoeachother.

ThereafterIsailedmanytimesontheRoyalYachtandmyrelationswiththecrew,whowere jammed tightly in the rear of the ship while I was accommodated in the Royalapartments,weremixed.IusedtovisittheofficersintheirWardroomandinfuriatethembyreferringinnon-seamanlikejargontothefrontend,therearend,upthestairsandthechimney.However, they got their own backwhen Iwas laid low by themost dreadfulseasicknessbysendingmedownbowlsofhotstewwiththeircompliments.

Ihadmythirty-fourthbirthdayononetripintheMediterranean.Itsometimeshappenedthatwhenthefruitbowlwaspassedaroundatdinneranditarrivedatmeallthepeacheshadgone.IcomplainedbitterlytotheRoyalstewardsaboutthis.So,onmybirthday,they

sawthatIgotapeachwiththefollowingnoteattached:

ThreeDinnerPartieswehavehad,NoPeachforyou–howverysad,Nowtodayyou’reTHIRTYFOUR,OnePEACHforyouandthenNOmore.’

Prince Philip had decided it would be a boost for the yachting fraternity if he tookBritanniatoCowesanduseditasabaseduringCowesWeek.Thishelpedtremendouslyin turningCowes into the sailingMecca of theworld.However, at the time it arousedconsiderable adverse comment from the press. I gradually became involved in PrincePhilip’ssailingactivities.Iwasapoorlearner,but,oncehehadbeengivenCoweslipandBluebottleasaweddingpresent,IwaspropelledmoreandmoreintotheCowesyachtingscene.IdonotknowwhenPrincePhilipmetUffaFoxbutthefriendshipripenedrapidly.Uffa’swartimestorieswereaconstantsourceofamusement.Heusedtowageacontinualbattle with the local police inspector over petrol, since Uffa took little notice of theregulationsforrationing.Hewasfinallycaughtandhauledupbeforethelocalmagistrate.

HegothisownbackaweekorsolaterwhenaGermanbomberwasshotdownovertheIsleofWight.Thecrewwereseentobailoutbutthendisappearedintothinairwiththelocal police hunting them all over the island. After a few days Uffa rang the localinspectorandsaid,‘Youcannowcomeandgetthem’.Thewholecrewhadbeenhidinginsplendidluxury,eatingthebestfood,inUffa’ssparebedroomathisPuckhouse.

I was passed out as a full crewmember, having been taught by Uffa Fox to sail inCoweslip.Wedid in factwina famous race fromCowes toYarmouth inaneargale. IttooksixhoursandIdonotthinkanyoneelsebutUffaFoxcouldhavemadeit.Iftheyachthadsunk,which itnearlydidonseveraloccasions,wehad littlehopeofbeingsaved. Ishall never forget the sight ofUffawith thewindhowling aroundhim, swearing like atrooper,shouting‘Bail,Peter,bailforyourlife!’IwasaSquadronLeaderatthetimeandfrom then onUffa referred tome as a ‘SquadronBailer’. Some time later,when IwaspromotedWingCommander,IcrewedwithPrincePhilipandMikeParkeronBluebottleinanimportantrace.WeroundedabuoywithPrincePhilip in theleadandwerejust infrontoftheRoyalYachtSquadronwhenthespinnakerjammedandPrincePhilipshoutedatmetopullitdown,whichIdid.UnfortunatelythesailfellaboutmyheadandIslippedoverboardandlosthimtherace.ThateveningattheRoyalCorinthianYachtClubdinnerUffa Fox in a speech to the assembled company said, ‘But for that bloody “WingComedian”PrincePhilipwouldhavewontherace.’SofromthenonIwasreferredtobyUffaandhiscroniesnotasSquadronBailer,butastheWingComedian.

TherearesomesandscalledtheBramblesbetweenCowesandSouthamptonwhichareuncovered every few years. On one occasion Uffa Fox organized a cricket match andpersuadedtheGovernorofParkhurstPrisontoproduceamotleycrewofwardersagainstateamcomposedofMikeParker,theIsleofWightMP,myselfandaloadoflocals.Itwasaroughandblisteringdayand the teamswereferriedout to thesandswhichweredue toshowaroundfouro’clock.Thistheydulydid,measuringfiftyyardsbytwenty,andonthatlittle strip we set up the stumps. The bat was an oar and the ball was a tennis ball.Unfortunatelythefieldwasfullofwater-filledsandholesandseveralplayersdisappeared

up to their necks inwater, including the governor, running for the ball.As the sea gotrougher, the wind got wilder and the light got darker, the troopship Empire OrwellsteamedpastonatroopingrunfromtheFarEast.ItmusthavereallybroughtthesoldiersbacktoEngland–thesightoftwenty-fourwild-lookingmenplayingcricketinthemiddleofSouthamptonWater.Thewhistlesstartedandwelloverfourthousandtroopscheereduson.

Ononeoccasion,whenBritannia arrivedbackwith theQueen fromMalta,UffaFoxsentmealetterasfollows:-

15thApril1954MydearPeter,At7pmtheBritanniasteamedbyStCatherine’sPointinacalmseaandshelookedmajesticalandmostinspiring.

Ithoughtofthoseonboardasshesteamedonoutawayintothedarkness,withherescortvessel,andIcausedNitonradiotosendamessagetoSirFrederickBrowningonboardtosaythatshewasaninspiringsightasshewentby–for,asyouknow,IhaveahouseatPuckasterCove.

Alotofcriticismhasbeenlevelledatthisvesselonherlooksbut,toaseaman’seye,shelookedsturdyandstrong,sensibleandseamanlike–inspiteofallthatshehadanairofmajestyabouther.

Thoughtyouwouldliketoknowallthis.Bestwishes,Yourssincerely,Uffa

ItisaterribletragedythattheRoyalYachtisnowgoingtobeditched.

***

When I joined Prince Philip’s staff full time, there were only three of us: GeneralBrowning, Treasurer and Comptroller; Michael Parker, Private Secretary; and myself,Equerry. It was an enormously busy staff and I was only too glad to act, in effect, asMichael Parker’s assistant.He explainedmy job tome. Iwas to be responsible for allgeneral correspondence; all programmes and travel arrangements covering land, air andsea;andallPrincePhilip’sflyingarrangements.Tohelpmeinallthis,Iwasgivenafull-timesecretary.

We soongot into a pattern on the visits programmes.MichaelParker, in conjunctionwith Prince Philip, decided on the general policy, planning and pattern of visits,apportioning themoutbetweenIndustryandthe threeServices.Hewouldundertake thecorrespondenceuptothepointatwhichthevisitwasagreedandthedatefixed.Thereafteritwasturnedovertometoarrangeindetail,coveringthemethodoftravelandsubmittingthefinalprogrammeforPrincePhilip’sapproval.AsfarasServicevisitswereconcerned,IinitiatedthosetotheRAF,MikeParkertotheNavyandGeneralBrowningtotheArmy.

Asasmallstaff,wemanagedtogetthroughanimmenseamountofwork.However,wesometimestrodonalotoftoesindoingsoandthiswasclearlydemonstratedbythesagaofthehelicopter.PriortotheCoronationthestreetsofLondonwereextremelycrowded,particularly around the Palace, and it became almost impossible tomove. Prince Philiphadanumberofengagements,particularlywithCommonwealthArmyunitspreparingfortheCoronationandstationedontheoutskirtsofLondon.Itwasimpossibletorelyoncarssoheasked,‘Whynotbyhelicopter.’AsusualIwentatitlikeabullinachinashopandfoundmyself in themiddle of an almighty rowwhich I believewas the start ofPrincePhilip’sratheradverseviewoftheAirCouncil,who,hebelieved,wereblockinghimby

over-insuringhissafety.TheSecretaryofState forAirwasresponsible forall flyingbytheRoyalFamilyandtheirsafetyintheair.Inthepasttherehadbeennoproblemswithsuch arrangements. All air travel was left entirely in the hands of the Captain of theQueen’s Flight, Air CommodoreMouse Fielden, and no member of the Royal Familyqueried his decisions, and yet here was a young Squadron Leader ringing up the AirMinistrydirectandorderingahelicoptertolandonthelawnatBuckinghamPalace!Therewas a stunned silence for avery short perioduntil all hell broke loose. Iwas toldveryemphatically that it was not Government policy for any of the Royal Family to usehelicoptersastheywerestillnotprovenasasafemethodoftravel.AlsoitwouldbebetterifIkeptmynoseoutofthissortofbusinessasitwasnothingtodowithme.

Prince Philip had an engagement on a Monday and wanted to travel by helicopter.WhenIwenttoseehimontheSundaymorningIhadtotellhimthatIhadstilldrawnablank.Hewasextremelyangryandhisviewwasthat‘IfIwantahelicopterIamgoingtogetoneandif theRoyalAirForcewon’tprovidemewithonethentell theRoyalNavyto’.SoIranguptheFifthSeaLordathishomeandpassedonPrincePhilip’smessagetohim, saying thathewantedaRoyalNavyhelicopter to landon theBuckinghamPalacelawnonMondaymorning!TheFifthSeaLord’sattitudewasveryrefreshing:‘GetontotheRoyalNavalAirBaseatFordandmake thearrangementsdirect.’Thechosenpilot,LieutenantCommanderSpedding,cametoseemeonSundayeveningandweplannedasuitable route out of the Palace. The flight was accomplished without bother, but wereturnedtoamostawfulstorm.Itappearedthateveryonewasgoingtogetthesack–theSecretary of State forAir, the Fifth Sea Lord, andmyself! Prince Philip’s attitudewas‘nonsense’ and the flights continued unofficially in thisway for some time.MeanwhilePrincePhilipaskedmetoundertakeastudyofhelicoptersafetyfromtherecordsoftheiraccidents.IspentaboutaweekattheOldSarumhelicopterunitstudyingtherecordsonhelicopters over a number of years and, indeed, did some flying on themmyself. Theconclusionof this studywas that itwas a safe andacceptablemethodof travel, but forPrincePhilipaloneatthistime.

During all this periodof aggravationMouseFielden sat on the fence. I think that heratherhoped that,givenenough rope, Iwouldhangmyself.Eventually theSecretaryofStateforAirfaceduptothefactthatthismethodoftravelwasgoingtocontinueandthatitwouldbebetteriftheRoyalAirForcetookitoverandoperateditunderhisauthority.Itstill took the RAF a long time to put it into effect and meanwhile the Royal Navycontinuedwiththetasksplendidly.Idon’tbelieveMouseFieldeneverreallyforgavemeforwinningthatbattle,ashesawthatIwasbecomingapotentialthreattohisownlittleempire.Nevertheless,whenhesawwhichwaythewindwasblowinghecamedownonthesideofhelicoptertravelandweworkedoutanacceptablerouteoutofthePalaceviatheThamesandtheParkssothat,ifanenginefailed,aforcedlandingonanopenspacewasalwayspossible.

***

Oneofmy first duties asEquerry toPrincePhilipwas theCoronation in June, 1953. IreceivedaninvitationfromtheEarlMarshaltobeinattendanceontheDukeofEdinburghon Coronation Day. This involved taking part in a number of rehearsals beforehand,standingaround in theAbbeywhilevarious intricatemanoeuvreswereworkedoutuntil

thewholepatternwasfinallywovenintoonecolourfulpageant.TherehearsalprogrammefortheweekbeforetheCoronationwasaheavyone.ForthefirstandlasttimeIgotintofullRAFCeremonialDress,whichhadbeenlastusedbeforetheSecondWorldWar(andwasneverusedagainaftertheCoronation).IhadtohireitfromMossBrosatconsiderableexpense.

At the same timePrincePhilipaskedme to takecareof theyoungermembersofhisfamily. His three sisters had all married German princelings, the Princes of Hanover,Hohenlohe-LangenburgandtheMargraveofBaden,whobetweenthemhadanumberofchildrenagedbetweenseventeenandtwentyyears.TheyhadallbeeninvitedtostayatthePalacefortheCoronation.Iwasprovidedwithanunlimitedexpenseaccountandtoldtosee that they all enjoyed themselves during their stay. These young people includedPrincess Margarita of Baden, Prince Max of Baden, Prince Kraft of Hohenlohe-Langenburg,PrincessChristinaofHesse,PrincessDorotheaofHesseandPrincessBeatrixofHohenlohe.

ItturnedoutlikeatalefromaDornfordYatesnovel.WhenIagreedtolookafterthemIhad not realized exactly what I had let myself in for. They were all very young andexuberantandIthinkthiswasthefirsttimetheyhadbeenallowedoutbythemselves;theywerethereforedeterminedtomakethemostofit!Afterahardday’swork,myeveningsbeganatabouteighto’clockandlastedwellintothedawnwhen,ontiptoe,Ishepherdedthembackalong thecorridorsofBuckinghamPalace. Itwasquiteenjoyable for twoorthreedays,buttowardstheendmyenergybegantoflag!

CoronationDaybrokeoutwetandwindyandI feltsorryfor the thousandsofpeoplewhohadsleptoutonthestreetsliningtheroute.Whiletheweatheroutsidewasappalling,thesceneinsidetheAbbeyglittered.Theceremonymarkedthestartofanewreignwhosefuturelookedauspicious,HillaryhadjustclimbedEverestandmillionsofHerMajesty’ssubjectsaroundtheworldwatchedastheRoyalcoupleputnewwineintooldbottles.TheQueenwasradiantthatday,unbowedbythefamilytroublesthatlayalongwayahead.

***

IhadalreadybeguntopromotetheideaofPrincePhiliplearningtofly.AfteradiscussionwithhimitwasdecidedthatIshouldgoaheadandmakethenecessaryarrangementswiththeRAFandIthereforeapproachedtheAssistantChiefofAirStaff(Training),AirVice-MarshaltheEarlofBandon(PaddyBandon).SoOperationThrushwasborn.

FromthestarttheAirMinistrythoughtthatPrincePhilipwantedtolearntoflymerelytoobtainhisRAFflyingbadgebeforebeingpromoted toahigherrank.At that timehewas an Air Commodore without wings. Had they known the extent of Prince Philip’sambition, theywould, I believehave funked it, forwe saw the finalobjective tobehisflyinghisownpersonalaircraft.IbelieveheratherenviedPrinceBernhard’sabilitytodothat. I alsobelieve that theRAFwouldhavebeenprepared to fiddlehiswings for himratherthanriskhisgoingsolo.However,afteranumberofmeetings,itwasfinallyagreedthatthetrainingsyllabusshouldbebasedonanormalpattern,althoughalotofrestrictionswereincluded.

PrincePhilip’s flyingwould takeplaceatRAFWhiteWalthamfroma temporaryhutbuiltforthepurpose.AcoupleofChipmunkswereprocuredand‘Rainbow’wasallocated

as Prince Philip’s personal call sign. The Air Officer Commanding-in-Chief HomeCommandhadoverallresponsibilityandbothheandhisSeniorAirStaffOfficerbehavedratherlikeapairoffrightenedrabbits,doingtheirbest tomakeflyingsodifficult that itwas sometimes impossible; they made their own flesh creep. Flight Lieutenant CarylGordon was appointed Prince Philip’s instructor and turned out to be a very thrustfulofficerandadedicatedpilot.HeandPrincePhilipgotonextremelywell,butpoorCarylwasoftenintroubleforbreakingorbypassingthevariousregulationslaiddownforPrincePhilip’ssafety.IthadalsobeenagreedthatIshouldteachCommanderParkerhowtofly,asthiswouldpossiblyprovidealittlecompetitionforPrincePhilip.SotheflyingstartedandPrincePhilip took to it like a duck towater, graduating from theChipmunk to theHarvard.

I attended many meetings on Operation Thrush both at Home Command and withPaddyBandonat theAirMinistry.OnedayIwas theobjectofa typicalPaddyBandonpracticaljoke.IhadoccasiontovisithimtodiscusstheprogressofOperationThrushandattheendofthemeetinghesignedmysecuritypass,whichwasthenormalprocedure.Ididnotseewhathehadwrittenonit,butontryingtoleavethebuildingIwasastoundedwhen Iwasdetainedby thesecurityofficer towhomIhadhandedmypass.Paddyhadwrittenonthepass,‘Arrest thisman.HeisaRussianspy.’AnythinglesslikeaRussianspythanIwithmybowlerandfurledumbrellawouldhavebeendifficulttoimagine.Yet,despitemyprotestations,IwasdetainedforanhourwhilstthesecurityofficerattemptedtocontactPaddy,whodeliberatelyrefusedtoanswerhistelephone.FinallyIwasallowedtoleaveafterconvincingmycaptorsthatIwas,infact,agenuineRoyalAirForceofficer.

IrecountedthisincidenttoMichaelParkeronmyreturntothePalaceandwedecidedthatonasuitableoccasionwewouldgivePaddyadoseofhisownmedicine.AchancecameafewdayslaterwhenMikeandIaccompaniedPrincePhiliponavisittotheCentralMedicalEstablishmentinHighHolborn.TherewehappenedtolistentotherecordingofaVampire jetat full throttle, itbeingpartofa test todeterminehigh tonedeafness.AfterconfidingtheplottoPrincePhilip,IborrowedtherecordingandtookitbacktothePalace.The nextmorning I put a top priority call from the palace exchange through toACAS(Training)andinapretendedstateofextremeagitationshouteddownthetelephone,‘Forheaven’ssake,Sir, there isoneofyour trainingaircraftbeatingup thePalace,’and thenput the recordingon.Paddyshoutedbackabove thescreamof the jet, ‘Gethisnumber,Peter,gethisnumberquickly.’‘Imissedit,Sir,butI’llgetitwhenitcomesroundagain.Oh heavens, the Queen is on the other line now asking what on earth is going on.’ Icontinued to play this game for some tenminutes before quietly putting the telephonedown.Intheopinionoftheplayersitwasonegameall.

PrincePhilipwaspresentedwithhiswingson4May,1953,atBuckinghampalacebytheChiefoftheAirStaffinthepresenceoftheQueen,theSecretaryofStateforAir,theCommander-in-Chief Home Command, Mouse Fielden, Michael Parker, Caryl Gordonandmyself.

IcouldnevergetMikeParkertotakehisownflyingveryseriously,althoughintheendhedidmanage to go solo.AfterPrincePhilip haddone some flying, hegraduated to aDevon.IdonotknowwheretheDevoncamefrombutitwasinaterribleconditionwhenitarrivedandalotofworkhadtobedonetogetituptoscratch.Intheendwefinishedup

with a useful stable of aircraft under Operation Thrush: two Chipmunks, a Harvard, aProvost,aMeteorandaDevon.

Eventually we had to decide on the future, particularly the question of a personalaircraftforPrincePhilip.HRHaskedmetostudyanumberofaeroplanesforthispurposeand I looked at a Devon, a Pembroke and a Heron and finally submitted a very shortmemorandumontheprosandconsofeachtype.TheRAFwantedthePembrokebecauseitwas already in service andwould thusbe easy toprocure.TheDevonwasnot reallysatisfactoryfor the job,andwhatPrincePhilipreallywantedwas theability toflyfromLondontoBalmoralwithuptosixpassengers.ForthistasktherewasnotmuchtochoosebetweenaPembrokeandaHeron.ThereweresomesnagswiththePembroke’srangeandPrincePhilipfinallymadethedecisionfortheHeron.Thenourtroublereallystarted.

IhadbeendealingwithGroupCaptainWheelerinOperationalRequirementsandPeterdeHavillandatHatfield.IwasalsokeepingMouseFieldeninthepicturebutwasneverquitecertainwhosesidehewason.Wegotquiteasimplespecificationfortheaircraftandit looked as though the costwould be in the region of fifty thousand pounds,with theaircraft delivered in three to four months. Unfortunately the Ministry of AircraftProductiongotwindofwhatweweredoingandannouncedthatitwastheirjobtoorderaircraftfortheRAFandfromthatmomentoneverythingwentsour.Wegotintoanareaoflargedesignconferencesofthirtytofortypeoplealltryingtoputtheirlittlebitinandthisbecamequiteinfuriating.Somesixmonthslaterweendedupwithanaircraftwhichwouldhardlygetoffthegroundasitwassoheavilyloadedwithsafetyequipmentandthecosthadgoneuptoonehundredandfiftythousandpoundswithlittlesignofiteverflying.Allthisincludedextraordinaryprecautionssuchashighlystressedseats,fireprecautionsforfire precautions and even the insistenceonhaving ashtrays large enough to take cigars,despite the fact that the gentlemanwas told endlessly that Prince Philip did not smokecigars and did not even want ashtrays. Things got so bad that I got Mouse Fielden,Assistant Chief of Air Staff (Operational Requirements), Geoffrey Tuttle and Peter deHavillandtogetherandstartedagainfromscratch,throwingeverythingout.PrincePhilipwasinAustraliabutIkepthimintouchwithdevelopments.Finallywegotmoreorlesswhatwewantedbutataveryinflatedprice,andverylate.

10

VisitorsInthecomerofthiselegantroomtherewasasmall,peculiaralcovecurtainedofffrom

therestoftheapartment.Duringmy last twoor threeyearsat thePalace Ihadbecome increasingly interested inreports of unidentified flying objects (UFOs) and these were to lead me down a verystrangepathindeed.Intheearly1950stherehadbeenanincreasingnumberofnewspaperreports,magazinearticlesandbooksonthesubject.Manyofthesestories,emanatingfromtheUnitedStates,werebeingrepeatedanddramatizedinBritishnewspapers.Thesubjectcaught the imaginationof thepublic,particularlyduringCoronationyear,whichseemedsorichinthepromiseofanewgoldenageofdiscoveryandachievement.MountEveresthadbeenconqueredandManat lastseemedabout tobreak thebondswhich in thepasthadheldhimsofirmlytoEarth.

Myowninterestwasarousedbecausemanyreportscamefromairmenlikemyselfanditwasonlynaturalthatonlongjourneysthesubjectofspacetravelshouldbeatopicfordiscussion.Asalways,PrincePhilip’smindwasopentotheimmensepossibilitiesofnewtechnologyleadingtospaceexploration,whileatthesametimenotdiscountingthat,justaswewere on the fringe of breaking out into space, so other older civilizations in theuniverse might have already done so. Prince Philip agreed that I could investigate themorecrediblereportsprovidedIkeptitallinperspectiveanddidnotinvolvehisofficeinanykindofpublicityorsponsorship.MikeParkerthoughtitareasonablepropositionandcamealongwithmefortheride,alwayswithhisgreatsenseoffunenquiring,‘Howareyourlittlegreenmengettingon?’Afteratimeweallbecameenthusiasticsaucerfansbutas time went on Boy Browning began to take it too seriously and perhaps lost someobjectivity.

Sightings

Thereweremanydifficulties separating fact from fiction.Fromexperience I found thattherewerefourgeneralcategoriesofreportedsightings;thosefrom:

–objectiveobserverswithnoself-interest–agrowingbodyofpeoplepromotingsightingsformercenaryreasonsorself-advertisement–observerssufferingfromflyingsaucerpsychosisormentalillness,andfinally–practicaljokers.

AtfirstIhadtobesurethatmysourcesofinformationweresecureandthatneitherInor the office were being taken in for publicity purposes. This became a difficultjudgementtomakewhenItalkedtoauthorsofbooksandarticlesonthesubjectsincetheyobviouslywantedtopromotetheirproducts.However,Iamnotawarethatconfidencewasever betrayed, which says a lot for the wide variety of people with whom I becameinvolved.

My first move was to go straight to that unimpeachable source of records ofunidentifiedflyingobjectswithinBritishairspace,theAirOfficerCommanding-in-ChiefFighterCommandatStanmore,AirMarshalSirThomasPike,wholaterbecameChiefofAirStaff.IhadpreviouslyservedonhisstaffwhenhewasAirOfficerCommandingNo11FighterGroup.TomPikewasamanofgreatsincerityandhonestyandcertainlydidnottreat me or the subject as a joke. He admitted that, as Commander-in-Chief andresponsible for the integrity of our air space, hewas concerned about reports ofUFOsbothfrompilotsandradarwhichmightindicatethatitwasbeingviolated.

Hewent on to say that incidentswere loggedon a standard reporting pro forma andwerethenexaminedbythescientificstaffsinbothFighterCommandandtheMinistryofDefence.Heexplainedthattodatetherewasnofirmevidencetosupportanyconclusionsthat our air spacewas being penetrated by either theRussians or by alien forces.Mostincidents had logical explanations, the commonest being meteorological balloons andmeteorites.Buthereadilyagreedthattherewasahardcoreofaboutfivepercentofthereportsthatcouldnotbesatisfactorilyexplained.Hewaspreparedtokeepanopenmindon the origin of such objects, although he did not believe they came from the SovietUnion. Sir Thomas told me that the United States Defence Authorities were alsoconcerned and had gone so far as to distribute standard reporting forms for pilots tocomplete on sighting UFOs, and that there had beenmany such reports. However, theAmericanswereextremelysensitiveabouttheirinterestinthesubject,eitherbecausetheyfeared ridicule or,which he thoughtmore likely, they believed thatUFOshad a Sovietorigin.HedoubtedwhetherIwouldgetanyinformationoutofthem,butasfarasFighterCommandwasconcerned,Ihadcarteblanchetoreadanyreportsandinterviewpilots.

After this very frank discussion, I wrote off to an old friend, Group Captain Bird-Wilson, who was serving on the British Defence Staff in Washington, requestinginformationontheofficialUSattitude.Induecoursehewrotebackconfidentiallytotheeffectthat‘yes’theAmericanauthoritieswerecollectingandevaluatingreportsbutwerenotpreparedtodiscussthemorgiveinformationaboutanyconclusionswhichtheymighthavereached.

At the beginning of November, 1953, I received a telephone call from FighterCommandaboutapossiblesightingmadebyanightfightercrewstationedatRAF,WestMailing.Iarranged,withtheconnivanceoftheStationCommander,tovisitthestationintheguise of a recent night fighterSquadronCommander keepinghimself up-to-date onany-new tactical developments. In the course of this visit I was introduced quiteinformallytothepilot,FlyingOfficerT.S.Johnsonandhisnavigator,FlyingOfficerG.Smythe.Onthemorningof3November,theyhadbeendetailedtocarryoutadaysectorreconnaissance at 20,000 feet in theirVampire night fighter in theMetropolitan Sector.Johnson,aspilot,wasscanningtheskyaroundhimwhileSmytheoccupiedhimselfwithhisradarandnavigation.Johnsonsuddenlyspottedwhatappearedtobeastationarybrightobjectaheadandwellabovehim.HedrewSmythe’sattentiontoit.Atfirsttheythoughtitwas aday star.Within a few seconds theobjectbegan tomoveand finallypassedwellovertheirheadsatwhattheydescribedas‘averyhighspeed’.Thevisibledetailwassuchthattheycouldtellitwascircularandbrightlyilluminatedaroundtheedges.

Althoughbothofficersrealizedthattheycouldberidiculedbytheirowncolleaguesand

theauthorities,theyreportedthesightingonlandingandtheirreportwaspassedthroughtoFighterCommandHeadquarters.

Two experimental meteorological balloons had been released that day and wereimmediately connected to the crew’s sighting. But Johnson and Smythe told me quiteemphaticallythattheobjectwhichpassedoverthemwastravellingatover1000milesanhour and,whatever else itmight have been, itwas not a balloon. This beliefwas alsosupported by the Station Commander, their Squadron Commander and their fellowaircrew.

Aircrew, particularly fighter pilots, are trained and become extremely experienced injudging the speed of objects in the air in relation to themselves, since most of theirmissionsinvolveinterceptingotheraircraftfromavarietyofangles,includinghead-onatclosingspeedsinexcessof1000milesanhour.WestMailingwaspartoftheLondonandMetropolitan Sector and crews became very familiar with a wide variety of civil andmilitary traffic crossing the sector from a variety of directions and altitudes; in suchcircumstancesjudgingspeedanddirectionwassecondnature.

JohnsonandSmythedescribedtheobjectasdartingpastthematgreatspeed.Balloonsjust do not behave in that fashion. Themaximum speed balloons might reach in a jetstreamcouldbeashighas100–150milesanhourbutnojetstreamwasreportedthatday.Ididnotbelievetheywereexaggeratingaboutwhattheysawanddescribedtome.Theyboth realized they could be medically suspect; in fact they were given a medicalexamination immediately following their report. This pronounced them physically andmentallyfitforoperationalflying.Theofficialexplanationwasthattheobjectwasmostlikelyaballoon,althoughtherewerehintsthatthecrewmighthavesufferedfromoxygenshortage. However, had Johnson and Smythe experienced oxygen starvation orcontaminationitwasunlikelythattheirstorieswouldhavebeenthesame.Thenewspapersspeculatedon theexistenceofa secret,high-speed,experimentalaircraftbutwehadnosuch aircraft flying at that time and it was unlikely the Russians would send anexperimentalaircraftoverLondonforalltosee.

AnotherfactoremergedwhichIdidnot investigatepersonally.Anobjectwas trackedbyradaron thesamedaybehaving inasimilarmanner,movingfromstationary tohighspeed over a considerable height band. As I had not interviewed the operators, Idiscounted this report as corroborative evidence. My conclusions, based solely on myinterviewwithJohnsonandSmythe,were:

–Theyweresoundphysicallyandmentallyatthetimeofthesighting–Theywereobjectivereporters–TheUFOwastravellingveryfastand–Itwasnotaballoonoranotheraircraft.

Having investigated this sighting as fully as the available evidence would allow, IsubmittedareporttotheDukeofEdinburgh,sayingthatIwassatisfiedthattheVampirecrewwereperfectlyreliable.Iaddedthatanairdefenceradarseemedtohaveconfirmedtheobservation–anobjecthadbeenplottedatsome63,000feetataboutthesametimeandinthesamevicinity.Ithadapparentlybeenstationaryforsometimeandthenmovedoff at very great speed. If, when I obtained the actual radar report, these facts were

confirmed, it would seem that this was one of the very few UFO sightings that weredifficulttorefute.IaddedthatthenewradarattheRoyalRadarEstablishmentatMalvern,which could scanup to 65,000 feet, hadbeenpickingup a number of objects flying atconsiderableheightsandveryhighspeeds,althoughnovisualconfirmationofanyofthesehadbeenobtained.

Though not a trained interrogator, I was quite satisfied in my own mind that whatJohnson and Smythe had seen was a genuine UFO. The story was published in thenationalpress, and thedescriptiongivenof theobject–circularwithabright luminousperiphery–talliedwiththoseinmanyotherreports.

Over the next twomonths I read a large number of the reports coming into FighterCommand Headquarters – visual sightings both from the air and from the ground andtracks from radar stations. On analysis, the majority could be eliminated by naturaloccurrences–meteorites,aircraftglintinginthesun,balloons,high-flyingjets,kitesandsoon.Therewere,ofcourse,alsoreportsfromcranksandpracticaljokers,butalwaysthesmallpercentagewhichcouldnotbeexplained.ThetroublewasthatUFOswereelusive;they refused to be caught or to communicate.Very seldomdid visual and radar reportsmatch exactly, but very occasionally this did occur, as happened in a report fromRAF,LittleRissington,theCentralFlyingSchoolresponsiblefortrainingflyinginstructors.

Aninstructorandhispupil-instructorwerecarryingoutahigh-levelsortieinatandem-seaterMeteorMkVII–thepupilinthefrontseat,theinstructorintherear.Thefrontpilotobserved a circular flying object some distance away, dead ahead, filling about threeinchesofhiswindscreenwhichwasapproximately two feetacross.HehadnopreviousknowledgeoforinterestinUFOs.Theobjectwassostrangethatheimmediatelyassumedthathehadoxygenfailureandinformedhisinstructorwhotookovercontrolandturnedthe aircraft through forty-five degrees. He then saw the object and the two pilotsconfirmeditsdescriptiontoeachother.TheinstructorimmediatelyreportedtheincidenttoLittleRissingtonAirTrafficControl,whowerenotawareofanytrafficinthevicinityofthe Meteor and instructed him to approach closer. The crew turned again towards theobject, opening up to full power. At Mach. 8 they gained quite rapidly but when thecircular object filled half their windscreen, it suddenly turned on its side ‘like a plate’(theirwords)andclimbedawayoutofsightatgreatspeed.Itwasnotpossibletoestimateits size because they did not know its distance. Their description was similar to otherreports–circularandemittinganiridescentlightarounditsedges.

Meanwhile inFighterCommand,SouthernSector radar reported toSectorOperationsanunidentifiedaircrafttravellingthroughthesector.Thiswasnotanunusualoccurrencesince flight plans detailing civil movements occasionally went astray. All unidentifiedblipsweretreatedashostileuntilpositivelyidentifiedandonthisoccasionapairofstand-byfighterswerescrambledfromTangmere.AtthesectorradarheadtheLittleRissingtonMeteorappearedonthetubeclosinginontheunidentifiedblipwhichthenmovedrapidlyacrossthescreenatanestimatedspeedofover1000milesanhour.Unfortunately,astheMeteor closed, it disappeared into a patchof ground clutter so itwas never possible tomeasure the final distance between the two and so estimate the size of the UFO. TheTangmere aircraft never made contact with it. This incident was reported to me, butunfortunately, as I was just leaving the country on an overseas tour, I was unable to

interviewthecrew.

My next source of information was the civil airlines. One day I read in a nationalnewspaperthestoryofaBOACflightintoGanderwherethecaptain,crewandoneortwopassengers had seen a flight of UFOs. I telephoned a contact in the Corporation andobtainedthecaptain’sprivatetelephonenumber,calledhimandarrangedanappointmentforhimtocomeandseemeatmyoffice inBuckinghamPalace.Iaskedhimtobringacopyofhiswrittenofficialreport,whichhedidandwhichIfiled.

Captain Howard arrived promptly at the Palace in uniform and was shown into myoffice. He was slightly overawed, as I intended he should be, since, if he was solelyseekingpublicity,thisexperiencemightunnervehim.However,hewasexactlywhatonemight expect aBOACcaptain to look like:middle-aged,well-built, smartly turnedout,withaneatmoustache.HewasquietlyconfidentandpreciseandIcouldeasily imaginehimatthecontrolsofalargeairliner–justthesortofmanpassengerswouldtrust.CaptainHowardtoldmethathewasembarrassedbytheattentionhewasreceivinganddislikedthepublicityandmedicalinspectionsforceduponhim.Nevertheless,heandhiscrewhadseentheUFOsandhadfeltittheirdutytoreportthem.Oneortwooftheirpassengershadseenthemaswellandinformedthenewspapers,andthatwashowithadallgotout.

The UFOs were first seen by another crew member about 150 miles from Ganderinbound.Theywereflyinginformationtostarboardandconstantlychangedposition.Allcrewmembersconfirmedthesesightings.Theobjectswerecircularandemittedabrightlight around their edges. Captain Howard had informed Gander and was told that theAmericanshadscrambledapairoffightersafterthem.EventuallytheUFOsturnedawayand disappeared at great speed. He flew on and landed at Gander to refuel. He hadreceivednoreportsfromtheAmericans,althoughhewasawareoftheinterestbeingtakenof sightings in theNewfoundland area.He toldme that hehadno ideawhat theywereexcept thathefelt theywerefar tooadvanced inspeedandmanoeuvrability tobesomesecretSovietreconnaissanceaircraft.

MynextvisitorstothePalacewereveryunusual.Inearly1954twoboyssawwhatcanonlybedescribedasaninvertedplateorsaucerhoveringclosetothegroundontheslopesofConistonOldManinLancashireandsnappeditwithaBrowniecamera.Iinvitedthetwoboys,StephenDarbyshireandhiscousin,AdrianMyer,togetherwithStephenDarby-shire’s father, to see me. I was impressed by their story and truthfulness. StephenDarbyshire’sfatherwasnotrelishingthepublicityandnotorietythefamilywerereceivingfromthenewspapers.IgotWallaceHeatontoexaminethenegativesandhisreportsaid,‘Yes,theycouldhavebeenfakedbuttheyweresogooditwouldhavecostquiteasumofmoney on props, etc.’Who thenwould have put up themoney, andwas there awiderconspiracy?

AtaboutthistimeBoyBrowningwasintroducedtoDesmondLeslieandthroughhimtoGeorgeAdamski,whowroteabookcalledFlyingSaucersHaveLanded.InduecourseI met both men. I was not impressed with either – quite different from some of theobjective observers I had interviewed. I felt Desmond Leslie was probably sincere butgullible, sucked into the saucer cult by people who hoped to profit from it such asAdamski.IadvisedBoyagainsthavinganythingtodowiththem,althoughhecontinuedtohavecontactwithDesmondLeslieforafewyears.

***

Janus

AfterTerencewaskilledin1948hiswidowmarriedAirChiefMarshalSirArthurBarrattwhohadretiredfromtheRAFattheendofthewar.IcametoknowhimextremelywellandweoftenmetinLondonduringthetimethatIwasservingasanEquerry,particularlysince he was Gentleman Usher to the Sword of State. He had expressed considerableinterest inmyUFOstudyand introducedmetoanoldfriend,GeneralMartin,whotoldmethathebelievedflyingsaucerswereextra-terrestrialvehiclesfromahighlydevelopedplanetwhoseinhabitantsweretryingtowarnusoftheperilsofnuclearwar.

ThiswasheadystuffbutIknewthattherearealwaysanumberofseniorretiredofficerswhoareattractedtoallsortsoffringecults,mostlikelyoutofboredom;spiritualismwasapopular one and LordDowding the keenest adherent from theRAF, but flying saucerswerebeginningtocollecttheirrecruits.

I felt thatbothArthurBarrattandGeneralMartinbelongedto thiscategorybutIwasnotmyselflookingforanewfad.Nevertheless,IwasquitepreparedtodiscussUFOswiththemandanyoftheirfriendswhowereinterested.

One day General Martin rang me at my office and arranged for me to meet a MrsMarkhamonenightatherChelsea flat; Iagreedanddroveoutof thePalacegatesonadampandmistywinter’seveningwonderingwhatsortofoccasionIwasinfor:theintensechatter, inevitable sherry and biscuits, the gushing goodbyes and promises of furthermeetings.Itwasonlytooeasytogetsuckedintothissortofsociety.

Iwascompletelywrong,althoughMrsMarkhamandtheflatinSmithStreetfilledthepartallright.TherewasonlyoneotheroccupantinthesecondfloordrawingroomandIwasintroducedtoMrJanus.Itwasdifficulttodescribehimwithanyaccuracy;theroomwaspoorlylitbytwostandardlampsandformostofthetimehesatinadeepchairbythesideofanotverygenerousfire.InfactIneverreallygotanyphysicalimpressionofhim.AftertheintroductionsIwasguidedtoatwinchairontheothersideofthefireandMrsMarkhamsankdownonasofabetweenuswithoutofferingeithersherryorbiscuits.

Withoutanypreliminaries,MrJanusdivedstraight intothedeependbyaskingmetotellhimallIknewaboutUFOs.Helistenedpatiently,onlynoddinghisheadfromtimetotime.AttheendIthoughtImightbeasequallydirectandaskedJanuswhathisinterestwas.Heansweredmequitesimply,‘IwouldliketomeettheDukeofEdinburgh.’

Itwassuchadirectrequest that itmomentarilythrewmeoffbalance;althoughinthecourse of my duties I met many people who wanted tomeet Prince Philip for a greatvarietyofreasons,oftenforpersonalgainorpublicity,theywereneverquitesodirectasthis.AftersomehesitationIrepliedthathemustappreciate that thiswasnoteasy,sincePrince Philip’s programme of visits and visitors was always very full and had to bescrutinizedclosely.Iwasabouttoaddparticularlyforsecurityreasonsbutthoughtbetterofitincasethissoundedinsensitive.Butitwasherethestrangenessofitallstarted–theman’s extraordinary ability to read my thoughts. I asked him why he wanted to meetPrincePhilip andhe replied, ‘PrincePhilip is amanof great vision, a personofworldrenown and a leader in the realm of wildlife and the environment. He is a man whobelievesstronglyintheproperrelationshipbetweenmanandnaturewhichwillproveof

great importance in future galactic harmony’. He continued, ‘Naturally I understand itwould be dangerous to let cranks loose on him, and perhaps you and I can discuss thesubjectfirstandyouwillbeabletojudgewhetherIamdangerousornot.Wherewouldyouliketostart?’

‘As an airman, one of the difficulties I havewith the idea that UFOs fly here fromanotherplanetisthevastdistancesinvolved,’Isaid.

‘That’sagoodstart,’ repliedJanus. ‘Thedistances involvedarebeyondconception toyou, but cast your mind back to the astronomer peering at the moon through hisrudimentarytelescopethreehundredyearsago.Thinkingintermsoftheonlytransportheknew– feet,horses, carriagesand ships– travel to themoonwas inconceivable. Itwasonlytomenofgreatintellectandvision,suchasLeonardodaVinci,JulesVerneandyourownH.G.Wells,whohad the imagination toproject their thoughtsahead to thedistantfuture,thattheimpossiblebegantoseempossible.Soifweprojectourpresentknowledgeahead we toomay get a glimpse of the future, although, just as they were consideredcranksintheirtime,wemaysufferthesamefatetoo.OurbrainshaveonlydevelopedtoafractionoftheircapacitybutalreadywehaveseenthepotentialwhenEinsteinreducedthefundamental process on which nature and the universe is bound together to the mostfrighteninglysimpleequation.Letuscontinuewiththissubjectofdistances,’Januswenton.‘HistorydemonstratesthatManhasconstantlyreachedforgoalsbeyondhisimmediategrasp.First of all travelwasbetweengroups and tribes, thenbetweenvillages, regions,countriesandfinallybetweencontinents.Manhasnointentionofstoppinghere,soheisnowstrivingtobreakhisearthlybondsandtraveltothemoonandtheplanetsbeyond.Butflight to the stars is Man’s ultimate dream, although knowledge of the vast distancesinvolved in interstellar flightmake it appear only a dream.Yet perhaps after a hundredyearsorso,amererippleinthetideoftime,explorationofhisownsolarsystemmaybecompleteanditisjustnotinMan’snaturetostopthereanymorethanhewassatisfiedtoremaininhisowncave,forhewillneveracceptconfinementwithinanyboundaries.JustastribesfoundothertribesandChristopherColumbusdiscoveredonhistravelsunknowncentres of ancient civilizations, soMan in his journeys through the universe may findinnumerablecentresofculturefarmoreancientthanhisown.’

Janus paused for amoment, shifted in his chair and thenwent on, ‘I realize that thedistancesoutsidethesolarsystemseemimpossibletocomprehendinthepresentstateofscienceandtechnology,andthattravellingatspeedswenowunderstanditwouldtakefarlongerthanthenormallifespantoreachthenearestplanetoutsidethesolarsystem,nevermindreturn.However,applythesameprojectionwehavedonetodistances–twenty-fivemilesperhourrunning,forty-fivemilesperhouronahorse,onehundredmilesperhourinacar,twohundredmilesperhourinanaeroplaneandontothespeedofsoundwhichmanythoughtunbreakableyetwassweptasidejustastheso-calledheatbarrierinrocketswill be too, andman-carryingvehiclesof the futurewill accelerate to speedsof twentythousandmilesperhourandmore.Buteventhisisnotfastenoughforgalactictravel.’

JanuscontinuedwithoutinterruptionasIsatquietlylisteningtowhatthisstrangemanwassaying.‘Toourknowledgethespeedoflightisthefinitespeed;thereisnophysicalbarrier to achieving that speed given the technicalmeans to accelerate to it. Einstein’stheory sought to prove that an increase inmasswith velocity stretched or dilated time

accordingtothesamemathematicalformula.Thisdiscrepancyisnegligibleatlowspeeds,butbecomesfiniteatthespeedoflight,sotoabeamoflightinspacetimestandsstill.IamsureyouarebeginningtoseewhattheTheoryofRelativitymeanstoaspacetravellerandthattheimpossiblebeginstolooklessimpossibleafterall.

‘Travelling at normal weight and accelerating to the speed of light it would take avoyagerthirtyyearstoreachthecentreoftheMilkyWaygalaxy,onethousandlightyearsaway, and thirtyyears to returnbut in those sixtyyears, twomillionEarthyearswouldhave passed. The law of relativity would allow man to explore his galaxy by tradingenergyfortimebutitwouldbeanunhappyjourneyifheknewthatthousandsormillionsofyearswouldhavepassedbythetimehereachedhome.Butif,asthetheoryofrelativitypostulates,timeslowsdown,thenit ispossiblethatareturnonadifferenttangentcouldspeeditupsothatourtravellerwouldcomebacktoaworldonlysixtyyearsolderwheretime had flowed and ebbed in between. Such a journey begins to be tolerable if youconsider that, by travelling at close to the speed of light, a spacecraft could go to thenearestplanetoutsidethissolarsystemandreturntoEarthinthreeyears.

‘Itwould take a voyager sixty years to travel to the centre of our galaxy and return,travelling at the speedof light,which is nearly a life span.However, equally importantadvancesmust come in anatomical science; the replacement of those parts in our bodymostsusceptible todecayandfailure,suchas theheart, liverandkidneys. It ispossiblethat with new discoveries in medicine, biochemistry and deep-freezing, it might bepossible to prolong life indefinitely; in which case a journey of sixty years is of nosignificance.

‘YouarethinkingthatIamnowgettingintotherealmsofsciencefiction.’Againthisstrangemanwasreadingmythoughtscorrectlyandhewenton,‘Butpleaseusemyruleofprojections.Youcannodoubtrememberwhatitwasliketotravelonlytwentyyearsago;mostpeoplecrossedtheAtlanticinashipandtodosoinanaeroplanewasanadventure.Compare the situation today and multiply all the advances in science, technology andknowledgesincethenbyonlyafactoroffiveandIamsureyoutoowouldbeaccusedofenteringtherealmsofsciencefiction.ItwouldbelikepluckinganaborigineoutofaNewGuinea forest and putting him down inNewYork orLondon.Youwould not have thelanguageorcommonwordstoexplaintohimhowamotorcarorjetaircraftworks,yet,inhisownenvironment,hewas,nodoubt,convincedthatuptothatpointhisowntribaltoolswerethemostadvancedandhisculturethemostdeveloped.Sohowcanonedescribethemeansofacceleratingtothespeedoflightorinterferingwiththeconceptoftime?Indeed,if we go forward a million years, the possibilities defy even our imagination: as yetundiscoveredsourcesofpower,differenttimetracks,speedsevenfasterthanthespeedoflight.Couldmanhaveevengainedmasteryoverdeathitself?

‘Our thoughtsandprojectionshaveso far revolvedaroundassumptionswhichhaveareasonable scientific basis. I do not imagine you will disagree that provided Manovercomeshisself-destructiveexcesses,hecouldhavethemeansoftravellingthroughouttheuniverseduringthenextfewhundredyears,atfirstinrobotandcomputer-controlledspaceships,but then, justashehadtoascendEverestfootbypainfulfoot,Man’snaturewilldrivehimtofeelforhimselftheawesomedepthofspace.

‘Hewill discover awealth of experiences infinitelymore startling andbeautiful than

canbeimagined:aninfinitevarietyofagenciesandforcesasyetunknown:greatfieldsofgravityandanti-gravitywhereobjectsareacceleratedacrossspacelikegiantslingshots,evenotheruniverseswithdifferentspaceandtimeformulae.Thefictionalstoryofatimemachinehasbeenwrittenandsometimesthefictionofyesterdaybecomestoday’sreality.WouldJulesVerneandH.G.Wellshavebeensurprisedbytoday’sworldofsubmarines,great flyingmachines, rockets andweapons ofmass destruction?One feels theywouldhavebeenquiteathome.’

Pausingforonlyafewmoments,Janushurriedon.‘Sofarwehaveonlytouchedonthematerialandscientificaspectsofjourneyingthroughspacewithoutconsideringthemostimportantpart–theSpiritofmanandthedesignerwhoisUniversal.WhydoesManreachforthestars?Hisenergieshaveneverbeensolelydirectedtowardsmaterialbenefitsalone.From the beginning ofMan’s history he has striven, sometimes hesitatingly, towards aspiritualityandgraceofwhichhewasawarebutcouldnottotallycomprehend.Thisdriveto reach out beyond himself has been the motive power behind some of Man’s finestachievements. The great builders of the Pyramids and cathedrals, the great artists andmusicians, the great philosophical schools, the great travellers and explorers, were allinspired by this vision of spirituality and God.WhenMan has conquered for materialgains alone, History leaves only a footprint, a barbaric Dark Age about which little isrememberedorwritten.

‘ThebeliefinaGodisage-oldandeveninprimevalpeopleremovedfromeachotheratopposite ends of the earth; this idea of a God supreme and omnipotent is incrediblyancient,soancientthatonemustbelieveitsseedwasplantedinthesoulofthefirstMan:it iswritten inGenesis thatGodbreathedintoMan’snostrils thebreathof lifeandManbecamea livingsoul.SoMan invadingspace formaterialgainorpersonalglorificationalonewillgainnothing,butMansearchingtoenrichhisownspiritualityandnaturewillcomeclosertounderstandingthatGodisUniversal.

‘The Earth is going through a Dark Age at themoment.Material possessions countmore than aMan’s soul. Like a child,man is preoccupiedwith his technological toys,whichhebelieveswillbringhimrichesandhappiness.Thisshowsupinthesuperficialityofhiscultureandacarelessdisregard fornature. Inhisgreedyquest formorecomplexmachinesManispreparedtosacrificealmostanything–hisnaturalenvironment,animalsandevenhisfellowhumans.Thedreadfulspectreofblowinguphisworldhardlymakeshimfalterinthisheadlongrush.

‘FortunatelyDarkAgesareusuallyfollowedbyenlightenedones.IfMansurvives,hewillcometohissensesandrealizethatthematerialhappinesshesoughtwasillusoryandthe toys he had collected were intensely boring: hopefully he will turn back to thespiritualityanddevelopmentofamindwhichhassuchunbelievablepotential.Theworldcould then enter a golden age of discovery when the greatest advances will be in thedevelopment ofMan’smind. So little is known about themind’s ability and power toinfluence events and matter. Rudimentary experiments have already demonstrated thatthereissomeresponsetomindovermatterwhichdefiesscientificexplanation.Christ,ofcourse,hadsuchpowers toamiraculousdegreeand toldus that ifwe toohad faithwecouldmovemountains.’

Januspausedandthensaid,‘Letusgetbacktothesubjectofflyingsaucers.Youseem

tofinditdifficulttoacceptthatintelligentlifeexistsanywhereelseintheuniverseorthatitcould have achieved the technology necessary for space travel. So let us discuss thislogically.Thegenerallyacceptedtheoryoftheexpandinguniversestatesthatitoriginatedfrom the giant explosion of a vast area of high density gas which contained all theelementsnecessaryforlifeandmatter.Theseelementswereblastedoutwards,formingabackdropbehindthegalaxieswiththeirownsolarandplanetarysystems.Theuniverseisstill expandingwith far-flunggalaxies disappearingout of sight of the present rangeoftelescopes. Ifyouaccept this theory thenallgalaxiescontain theelementsnecessaryforlifeandmatter;evenattheveryboundariesoftheexpansion,theoriginalexplosionisstilldistributing these elements. The expanding universe dispels any idea that space is acomplete vacuum interspersedwith islands and pockets of unidentifiedmatter and thatEarth is the only planet which contained the right ingredients and conditions for thecreationoflife.Ifyouacceptthetheoryoftheexpandinguniverseyouacceptthatitisanocean of galaxieswith solar and planetary systems similar to our own.By the laws ofprobabilitytheremustbemillionsofplanetsintheuniversesupportinglife,andwithinourowngalaxythousandssupportinglifemoreadvancedthanonEarth.

ThisisverydifficultforMantostomachwithhisvainbeliefofaGodpersonaltohimand him only; if he does even consider that intelligent life exists on other planets heinventssuchcreatureswithgrotesqueshapesandbodies,hostiletoMan.ButifthereisaGod, particularly the Christian one, it would surely be unlikely that he would activelydiscourage life where it could develop in the universe and dictate that enlightened lifeshould only exist in one obscure planet on the edge of a galaxy. It is a safe scientificassumption, therefore, to say that life, far from being a rare phenomenon, is probablywidelydistributedthroughouttheuniverse.

‘Ifyouacceptthis,goontointelligentlife.EarthisayoungplanetwithitsSunayoungmother.Wemayhazardaguessthatotherplanetsinourownsolarsystemareunlikelytosupportlifeexceptinpossiblyrudimentarycellularformandarenomorethanuninhabitedand hostile islands. But imagine a galactic solar system somewhere in space withconditions similar to Earth except that its Sun is in the autumn of its life. Provided itsinhabitantshavesurvivedwarsandalieninvasion,itisimpossibletoimaginewhatsuper-technologyandculturaladvancement theyhavereached,anymore thanwecan imaginetheEarthandManinamillionandonehundredmillionyears’timewhenweseewhathehasmanagedinjustafewthousandyears.Perhapsintwentyyears’timemannedrocketswill be commonplace and the Earth will be girdled by satellites of all sorts and sizes.Therewillbegreatstridesintheminiaturizationofallourpresenttechnology,advancesinnavigationalguidanceandcommunicationovervastdistances.Inahundredyearsmedicalsciencewillhaveadvancedfarenoughforamannedspaceshiptojourneywithinourowngalaxycarryingacompletesetofspareorgans.Athousandyearsmaybejustwithinourprojectionsbutamillionyearsisquitebeyondourimagination.

‘Most science fiction shows spacecraft crewed by intelligent animals intent onconqueringtheEarth.TheBiblestatesthatGodcreatedManinhisownimage.PrimevalManthoughtsotoo,sincehisGodswereusuallydepictedinhumanform.EarthMan,inhissupremearrogance,believesthatGodonlycreatedhiminhisownimageandlefteveryother intelligent creature in the universe out of his reckoning. SoMan can believe in asuper-intelligentsluginadistantplanetbutnotoneonhisownandofcoursehemisses

hereentirely the relationshipbetweenManandGodandManandanimals.GoddidnottouchanimalsinthewayhetouchedMan;animalsheleftaspartofthenaturalbiologicalprocessofevolutionandenvironment.Theykilleachothertolive,surviveandprocreatewithout conscience or responsibility. Why did God not breathe into the nostrils of ananimalandgiveitasoulorindeed,thesuper-animalsyouimagineinhabitadistantplanet?WhyshouldyourintelligentanimalsinthatplanetalsonotclaimthattheywerecreatedinGod’simage?Iwill tellyou.BecauseGodhimselfwasdescendedfromthefirstraceofmen.’

Itwasat this juncture that I felt the full forceof this strangeman’spersonalityashespokewithsuchauthorityandconviction.

‘Go back to the very beginning when the giant wave of elements left the galaxiesbehindasitsweptthroughspace.Withinthesegalaxiessunsandplanetsmixedintherightconditionsforbiochemicalactiontogivebirthtoallsortsofcellularlife,andinjustonetodevelopthefirstmenandwomeninexactlythesamewaythattheyevolvedonEarth–thefirstMan,onlybillionsofyearsolderinadistantplanet,areplicaofEarth.Accordingtothelawsofprobabilitynotanunlikelyevent.Inthecourseoftimetheydeveloped,asyouhave, intohighly intelligentbeings,experiencing theirdarkagesaswell as theirgoldenones, periods of great scientific and technological achievements, exploring the universeandtheabundanceoflifeformingaroundthem.Buttheywereonlytooawareoftheoneessentialthingmissing;theiruniversewasnothingbutanaturalphenomenon.Theirworldwas like a shipwithout a rudder, coming fromnowhere, going nowhere.Therewas nocaptain,nocreativeintelligenceshapingthedestinyoftheuniverse.

‘Theywitnessed only the bubbling in a vast cosmic test tube – birth, a span of life,deathwithnofuture,nohope.The irrationalityof infinitespacebecameintolerableandthedeterminationtocreatesomethingmorebeautiful,morelasting,becameoverpowering.So,overavastspanoftime,theystruggledtoovercomedecayofthephysicalbodyandfinallytodevelopaspiritseparatefromthebody.Medicalsciencegavethemthemeansofprolonging their own lives almost indefinitely, their society developed to the mostremarkabledegreesofwillandintelligence.Theyhadovercometheurgetokillandwagewar,andhadcometoloveintenselyall lifebutparticularlytheirownkindof life,Man.They developed great powers, the power of will overmatter so that theywere able toinfluence and control nature and events. In the end they found the ultimate key, todispense with their physical bodies altogether and become intelligences free from theshacklesoftimeandspace,tointegratefinallyintoonegreatuniversalintelligence.ThisGreatForcewasthenabletoinfluenceandbringorderintothewholeuniverseandwherelifewasmostprolific andcreative it steered theevolutionofMan in theirownoriginalimage.

‘Man,whereverhedeveloped,couldnothelpbeingawareofthisinfluenceandcalleditby all sorts of names in different religious groups, but thewand and thewizard is thesame.Man touched by the current strives too to overcomedeath and join the heavenlyforce, constantly chargingand revitalizing this cosmicbattery so that itspower remainseverlasting.

‘Theuniverseisfullofplanetssustaininghigherformsoflife,millionsinthegalaxies,thousandsinourownwhereManisgrowinginvariousstagesofdevelopment,somelike

yourselvesintheearlystagesandsomeclosetotheverysourceofthecreator.

‘Manwas given the gift of tapping this source.WheneverMan cries out for help heappeals to theoriginalpromise– toJehovah,Godorwhateverhehascometocallhim.Hisprayersandcollectivewill-powerare theessential link to the sourceandwhen it isignoredMansinkstohislowestlevel.ThereisnopersonalGodwhorewardsorpunisheseachindividual. It isafarmoreexcitingandgrandioseconcept thanthat.Thegiftgivesman incredible potential for both good and evil sincewithin the source itself there arememories ofMan’sweaknesses and evil, andManwas given the choice to beCain orAbel.

‘ThereisnothinginthisconceptofGodtooffendanyreligionand,indeed,itdoesnotradically contradict any of the great religious books. There are many different pathsleadingtothetopofthespiritualmountain.Onlythewordsaredifferent.YoutalkaboutGod,miracles,lifeafterdeath,Heaven.WhyGodgiveshisgraceandgiftsinprofusiontosomeandwithholdsitfromothersremainsamystery,butfaithandtrustremainessentialtodivinity.GodprovidesenoughevidencethroughhisemissariesandtheirpowerofthemiraculoustoencourageManinthisfaith.

‘Whathappenstothespiritwhenthephysicalbodydecays?Doallliveonafterdeath,even the little dead babies and the mentally afflicted? This remains another of God’smysteries, although there are clues; inChristianity,Christ said itwasno easymatter toachieveeverlastinglife.Itwasnoautomaticright.DivinityhastobeearnedanddependsuponMan’sownwillpowerandspiritualrecognitionofGod’sexistence,howeverweak;afterall,Christthoughtthethiefonthecrosswasworthenoughtojustifyredemption.

‘There are those, however, who have rejected God’s touch and to these mindlesscreatures life becomes an automatic process.These are the takers, never the givers, thedestroyersnever thecreators. In theircasealmostas soonas thematchwas struck theyblewitout.Theyhavenopartintheeternalplanbutpassthroughitsightless.Theplanisagreatonerequiringallsortsofspiritual talents tofulfil,andmanyseedsandcropsarescatteredoverthefieldsoftheuniverse.Aslongasthesearchanddesirefortruthlivesontheseedripensandmatures,butwhenitdoesnotthenitwithersanddies.

‘Ihavetriedtogiveyouaglimpseofthegreatconcourseofspacebecauseitisagainstthis background that you should consider its exploration and its explorers. There aredifferingviewsandtheoriesabouttheobjectsyoucallflyingsaucers.Therearethosewhowould have them travelling along the trails of space to deliver prophetic messages ofnucleardoomorthosewhoseethemasasubstituteforatribalGod.Therearethefictionwriterswhoportraytheircrewsineveryhorribleguise,invadingandpillagingtheworld.

‘Butinrealitytheyarenoneofthesethingsbutlikeyourselves,inhabitantsofaplanetexploringtheouterislandsoftheirgalaxy.Youmaywellask,whycometoEarthatall?Theansweristhatthistrafficisonlyathintrickleinthevasthighwaysoftheuniverse;theEarth after all is a galactic backwater inhabited by only half-civilized men, dangerouseventotheirownneighbours.However, thatdoesnotstopexplorerswishingtofindoutmoreaboutEarthjustasyourownpeopletraveltosomeparticularlyuncomfortableanddangerousspotsinyourownplanet.

‘Why,youmaysay,don’ttheylandandmakecontact?Mostofthesevehiclesarerobot-

controlled, space probes monitoring what is going on. Some are manned in order tooverseethewholeprogrammeandtoensuretheprobesdonotlandorcrashbyaccident.TheymustalsoensurethatevidenceoftheirexistenceiskeptawayfromthevastmajorityofEarth’spopulation.Youmustbewellawareofthedamagewhichyourownexplorershave done by appearing and living among simple tribes, often leading to a completedisintegration of their society and culture as happened to the Indian and Eskimo. Suchimpact is far too indigestibleandonly themostdevelopedsocietiescancopewith suchcontact.

‘Imaginewhatwouldhappeniftheheadlinesintheworldpressannouncedthearrivalofa spaceshipwithamissionof spacepeople.Apart from thepsychological shock thatthereactuallywereotherracesfarsuperiortoanydevelopedsocietyonEarththerewouldbecompletepanicaboutthemotivesofsuchaninvasion.Thereislittledoubtitscrew,ifyou could catch them, would be subjected to the most humiliating interrogation andtreatment.

‘The knowledge you might acquire through contact and communication could haveeffects as disastrous as the so-called benefits of civilization had on the Indians and theEskimos. This knowledgemust come slowly to thosemost able to assimilate it in thefullnessof time.Thebasicprincipleof responsible spaceexploration is thatyoudonotinterferewiththenaturaldevelopmentandorderoflifeintheuniverseanymorethanyoushouldupsetordestroyanantheaporbee-hive.Manhasalottolearnbeforeheembarksondeepspacetravel.Ifyouwerereadynow,whichyouarenot,youwouldonlyapproachotherinhabitantswiththedeepestofsuspicion,inflictingyourweaponsanddiseasesuponthemin thesame irresponsiblemanner thatyouarebusilydestroyingwild lifeonearth.Youwillhavetogrowalotolderandlearnhowtobehaveonyourownplanet,ifindeedyoudonotblowyourselvesupbetweentimes,beforeyouarereadyforgalactictravel.

‘Sincetimeimmemorialtherehavebeentalesofvesselscomingoutoftheskybringingstrangevisitors.Observersdocomeamongyouandmakecontactonaveryselectivebasiswhere they judge that such contact could not harm either party. These observers havestudied theEarth for a long time.With advancedmedical science theyhavebeen fittedwith the right sort of internal equipment to allow their bodies to operate normally untilthey leave. It isnotverydifficult toobtain the right sortofclothesandmeans tomovearound quite freely. Your own explorers will appear enormously cumbersome incomparisonbutthenatfirsttheywillbeoperatingintheveryhostileenvironmentswithinyoursolarsystem.Theobserversarenotinterestedininterferinginyouraffairs,butonceyouare ready toescape fromyourownsolar system it isofparamount importance thatyouhavelearntyourresponsibilitiesforthepreservationoflifeeverywhere.

‘It isequallyimportantthatotherplanetarytravellersandinhabitantsknowsomethingabout this outer island, its society and intentions. While you are still far away fromtravelling in deep space, such contacts will be infrequent andmust be conducted withgreatsecrecy.Lifeinyourownsolarsystemisrudimentaryandyoucandolittledamage,butonceyoudiscover theexistenceofhigher formsof lifeand intelligentmen then thedangerswillarisethroughyourownfearandmisunderstanding.

The observers have very highly developed mental powers, including extra-sensory,thoughtreading,hypnosisandtheabilitytousedifferentdimensions,sinceallpartsofthe

mindandbodyhavenotnecessarilyevolvedinexactlythesamefashion.Theydonotuseweaponsofanykindandrelysolelyontheirspecialpowerstolookafterthemselves.Theymakecontactonlywithselectedpeoplewheresecrecycanbemaintained.Intheloosely-knitsocietiesoftheWesternworld,particularlyinEnglandandAmerica,itisfairlyeasywiththehelpoffriendstodothisbutnotinpoliceanddictatorstates.’

Itwaswhat Janushad leftunsaid thatwas fantastic.Hehad subtly separatedhimselfduring the conversation to leave me with the impression that he was not one of us,gradually insinuating that he was an observer. His personality was so powerful andhypnoticthatalreadyIwaswonderingwhattodoabouthim.

Janusoncemorereadmythoughtscorrectly.‘BecausewhatIhavetoldyouisentirelyforeignyouaresensingdanger.YouarewonderingwhoorwhatIam?’AtthisjuncturehestoppedandIfeltthatwasallhehadtosay.IthankedhimandsaidIwouldhavetothinkabouthisrequestasIwasnotinapositiontopromiseanythingnow.HeshowednosignofdisappointmentatmyapparentlackofenthusiasmandasIwasclearlyexpectedtoleaveIdidsowithbriefgoodbyes.

***

Ispentthenextfewdayspuzzlingoverthisverystrangeencounter.ItwouldnothavebeensodifficulthadJanusbeeneasilyrecognizableasacrank,buthewasnot,andtherewasmuchofwhathe saidwhichmadesense.What I found toodifficultwas the suggestionthat space travellers had landed and were mixing with us. Authors like Adamski hadalready-writtenaboutmeetingpeoplefromflyingsaucersandflyingintheirmachines,butIwasquiteawarethattheculthadattractedallsortsofcharlatans.WhatwasJanus?Washepartofanelaboratehoaxorplot,washeateacher,animaginativeprophetofthefutureorwhathehad insinuated–anobserver?Whateverelsehewas, Janus leftmewith theimpressionofaforce tobereckonedwith.Heappeared toknowagreatdealandspokewithauthorityaboutspacetechnology.Ifhewaspartofanykindofplot,itwasmydutytoreportthemeetingtothesecurityauthorities,particularlyifithadanythingtodowiththeRoyalFamily

I wrote a report of my meeting and conversation with Janus and gave it to BoyBrowning to read.By this timeBoyhadbecome interested in themoreesoteric sideofflyingsaucersandwasverykeenthatweshouldbothmeetMrJanusagain.ButIwasnotsosure.

Atanyrate,IrangMrsMarkhamseveraltimesduringthefollowingfewdaysbutgotno answer. So I eventually contactedGeneralMartinwho suddenly becamedistant andevasive.MrsMarkhamhadgoneaway;no,hedidnotknowwhenshewouldbeback.IdidnotlikeleavingthematterlikethissoIfinallywentroundtoMrsMarkham’sflatbuttherewasnosignofanylifeinit.Ienquiredofherneighboursonthefloorbelowbutalltheyknewwas thatshehadappeared to leave inahurry.Thecurtainhaddropped.HadJanus sensed that I was in two minds about informing the security authorities of mymeeting?IneversawGeneralMartin,MrsMarkhamorJanusagain.IwrotethisrecordofmymeetingatSmithStreetimmediatelyaftertheeventandquoteitverbatim.

The episode did focus my mind on two great puzzles: the nature of God and theexistenceofUFOsandotherphenomena.SincemyescapefromtheseaIhadbecomea

believer inGod and the continuationof life after death; the experiencehadgivenme amuch greater consciousness of the conflict between the great forces of spirituality andmaterialism.IfeltstronglythatGodhadtriedtosmoothmypassagefromthisworldtothenextbydispatchingthreecompanionstoaccompanymeonthejourney;themysterywaswhy the journeywas interrupted. Perhaps, within sight of the promised land, God haddecidedthatIwasnotreadytofacefinaljudgement.ThereafterIhaveneverbeenafraidofdeath,onlyoftheindignityandpainoftheactitself.

UntilImetJanusmyconceptofGodwasbiblical.Icouldonlyimaginehimasafatherfigure, dispensing gifts and punishment according to the behaviour of his children. Iavoided the question ofwho hewas,where he came from andwhy he should concernhimselfaboutalittleprovincialcornerontheedgeofnowhere.ButJanus’sexplanationofthe beginning and God as universal made sense, with all life evolving from the sameoriginandsamematerials;evensuchaseriousscientistasCrick,oneofthediscoverersofgeneticstructures,seriouslyputforwardthetheorythatlifedidnotoriginateonearthbutcame fromouter space.Nothing in theuniverse iseverdestroyedordisappearswithouttrace.Naturepermitsnoextinction,onlytransformation.

I became much more at intellectual peace with the concept of God as a universalspiritual forcewithout shape or habitat, a cosmic battery, if you like, fromwhichmancould draw the power to charge himself, but a battery which also required constantchargingbyman’sownspiritual fuel.Thisseemedtofit thehistoricalpattern thatwhenManwasathislowestspiritualebbthecurrentwasweak,butathishighestpeakthelightshonebrightest.TheideaofuniversalMananduniversalGodnecessarytoeachotherisappealing–GodneedingMantomaintainhisownpowerandManneedingGod’spowertoattainhishighestspiritualvalues,creatinghisgreatestworksasactsofsupplicationandpraise. I felt this strongly during thewar, when the light of sacrifice to overcome evilshonebrightly,butsincethen,astheforceofmaterialismbecamestronger, thelighthasdimmedandthevisionof theultimatehorrorbecomessharper.Mancanonlyprayforachangeofheartbeforeitistoolate.

***

AndMoreSightings

Over the next fewyears the subject ofUFOs continued to hauntme and the reports ofsightingswerelegion,sometimesflaringuplikeanepidemiconlytodiedownagain.Itisperhapsworthrepeatingsomeofthemoredramaticones.

InthepastweeksUFOshavebeenreportedoverStonehengeandShrewton.TwopolicemenspottedanobjectlastThursday.Leavingtheirpatrolcar,theysawthesaucer-shapedobjectwithadomeontopintheskynearWilton.

*

Aphotographofaflyingsaucer,claimedtobe themostauthenticsofar,hasbeentakenbytwoyoungwomenwhilemotoringinWestWaterford,Eire,onBoxingDay.

*

ThreephotographsofaflyingsaucertakennearDetroitlastweekbytwoyouthsarebeingstudiedbyAmericanAirForceinvestigators.Oneexpertsaidthatthepictureswereapparentlyauthenticandborestrikingsimilaritiestootherreportshehadinvestigated.

*Seven coastguards reported seeing a giant cone-shaped object hovering at about 15,000 feet. As an aircraft

approacheditclimbedto20,000feetandflewaway.AseniorRAFcontrolleratPlymouthsaid,‘Wereportedallthedetails.Icannottellyouwheretheaircraftcamefromandyouwillhaveajobtogetanyonetoadmitthatanywassentup.IunderstandtheUFOwasalsotrackedbyradar.’

*Mysteriousflyingobjects,manydescribedas‘starrycrosses’werereportedyesterdayoverwideareasofsouthernEngland.Crewsof four police cars in different parts ofSussexmade independent reports of ‘a brightmovingobject.’

*

AretiredWingCommandersaidhesawfourmovinglightsinformationoverHampshire.Theyweresimilartothe‘starrycrosses’chasedacrossDevonbythepolice.

*

WingCommanderEricCox,56,ofPentonsPaddock,Hyde,saw‘sevenbrilliantlights’whiledrivingatnighttoFording-bridge,Hants.‘Theywerethreemilesawayflyingattree-topheight,flyinginaV-formation.Afteraboutthreeminutestheybrokeoffandthreewentaway.Theyjustfaded.Thentheotherfourformedaperfectformation– just like a plus sign or cross.Theywere certainly under some sort of control because the formationwas sotight.’

Eric Cox had been my Wing Commander in charge of the technical wing at RAFWattishamandwastotallyreliable.TheofficialexplanationgivenwasthattheRAFwascarryingout flight refuellingexercises thatnight. I spoke toEricCoxabout theobjectsandhesaid,‘Whateverflightrefuellingand,frommyairforceexperience,Ihavenoideawhattheywere.

*

In 1967,Time magazine published an essay entitled ‘A Fresh Look at Flying Saucers’whichsummedupobjectivelymostofthetheoriesandconclusionsreacheduptothattimeonthesubjectofUFOs.Itconcluded:

ThemosttellingargumentagainsttherealityofUFOsisthatnoprovenphysicalevidenceorhardwarehaseverbeenfoundtosupportthesaucers’existence.Andalthoughastronomersphotographtheskyincessantly,noUFOhasleftanimageontheirphotographicplates.

Despitethelackofsuchevidence,manyscientistsfavourthecontinuationofUFOinvestigationsinthehopethattheywillleadtonewdiscoveriesaboutMan’senvironment,whileclearinguptheuncertaintyaboutsaucers.Butevenafterthemostrigorousexaminationbycontemporaryscience,itwillbedifficulttoprovebeyonddoubtthattherearenoextraterrestrialsaucers.SaysastronomerHynek:‘ThereisatendencyintheTwentiethCenturytoforget that there will be a Twenty-First Century science, and indeed a Thirtieth Century science, fromwhichvantage points our knowledge of the universe may appear quite different.We suffer, perhaps, from temporalprovincialism,aformofarrogancethathasalwaysirritatedposterity.

Januscouldhavewrittenquitelargeslicesofthatarticle!

*

Anofficial report, alsopublished in1967, stated thatoutof6,000 reported sightingsofUFOs, twoper cent remain inexplicable.Thatmay seeman insignificant figure, yet, innumerical terms, it means that 120 of those sightings could not be given any rationalexplanation.Inthesameyear,theDailyExpresspublishedareportthattheSovietUnionhad established a scientificmission, headed by anAir Force general, to investigate allcorroborated sightings of UFOs. More recently, in October, 1983, the Sunday Mirrorreported that the well-known broadcaster David Jacobs and two prominent politicians,ShirleyWilliams and Jonathan Porrit, had described how a ‘brilliant ball of light’ hadcrossed thepathofacar inwhich theywere travelling toLondon, ‘ataheightofabout250–300feet’,andthendisappeared.Thisstoryproducedafloodofsimilarreports‘from

asfarawayasDevon’.NeithertheMinistryofDefencenoranyaircontrollerscouldofferan explanation. They were described as being ‘baffled’. The paper concluded that thiscouldonlyhavebeentheflightpathofaUFO.

***

In 1969 I was posted to the Ministry of Defence as Assistant Chief of Air Staff(Operations),responsibletotheViceChiefofAirStafffortheday-to-daymanagementofourairoperationsworldwide.TheAirForceOperationsRoom(AFOR)wasresponsibleforcollectingandpresentingallinformationnecessaryfortheconductofoperationsandreporteddirectlytome.ThereIdiscoveredarichveinofUFOreportsintheformofanAnnexe to a Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) where every report of a UFO, fromwhateversource,waslogged,examinedandfiled;thosewhichmighthaveeitherpublicorpoliticalrepercussionscametomydesk.

Theyseemedtoarriveinbatches.However,despitetheverylargenumberofincidentsreported,thesourceandidentityoftheUFOsremainedasmysteriousandelusiveastheotherphenomenawhichhaveattractedpublicandscientificinterestovertheyears.Theseinclude the Loch NessMonster, the Yetis or Abominable Snowmen, the extraordinaryreportdated1855ofthemysteriousfootmarksleftinthesnowoverawideareaofDevonand,somethingverymuchofourowntime,thecompletelyinexplicablelossofshipsandaircraftinwhatisnowknownas‘TheBermudaTriangle’,thesolutiontowhich,despitemassive air and sea searches and intensive scientific research, remains a completemystery.Nowreckageorhumanbodieshaveeverbeenrecoveredfromthearea.Allthesethingshaveonecommonlink–intheendlessgameofhideandseektheydefycapture.

*

Supposeweareactually livinginamulti-dimensional timetrackwithinthesamespace,including a young primeval world, our own and a much older world with advancedtechnology,allageinganddevelopingsidebyside,consciousandsometimesstirredbythepresenceoftheothers–strangeshipsinthesky,imagesofancientcreatures,theimpudentantics of poltergeists and strange noises like the creaking of bedsprings from an emptyroom.

These time tracks spin around like separate grooves of a gramophone record, eachplayingadifferentscoreuntilgivenasuddenjoltwhentheneedlejumpsatrack,imposingforaveryshortperiodanunintelligibletuneuponitsneighbourbeforebeingreturnedtoitsowngrooveagain.

What causes the jolt is unimportant: possibly some electromagnetic charge so that,under special and localized circumstances, images of the other worlds break through,leavingprintsforthebriefestspaceoftime–themonsterinLochNess,hairycreaturesinthe frozen waste, strange flying ships and machines. And, conversely, ships andaeroplanes disappear fromour own spacewithout trace, perhaps all ending up in somecosmicdustbin.

11

TheCorridorsofPowerSoIleftthistallandstatelyroomwithsadnessandsawaheadofmealongcorridorrunningdownthebackofthehouse,fitted,atfirst,withquiteordinarybitsoffurniture,bookcasesandthelike,buttowardsitsendfillingupwithmore

substantialpieces.BythetimeIhadcompletedsevenyearsasanEquerryIhadclimbedtothedizzyrankofWingCommander.In1955Ihadtomakeadecisionaboutmyfuture.EitherIreturnedtotheRAFbefore itwas too lateor Ibecameapermanent fixture in thePalace.Thefinalchoicewasminealoneandnooneexertedanypressureonme to leave,but therewereotherpersonalfactorswhichinfluencedme.Mymarriagewasbreakingupfast,asindeedwas Michael Parker’s. I decided therefore that it was time to leave. Michael ParkerresignedaboutayearlaterandGeneralBoyBrowningretiredshortlyafterwards.SooveraperiodofabouttwoyearsPrincePhiliphadperforcetochooseacompletelynewteam.

ReturningtotheRAFwasnoeasymatter.IsupposeIhadbaskedinmymaster’sglorysolongthatIhadbecomeaccustomedtotheroleofaminordeity.Ihadalsobecomeusedtodealingwithvariousagenciesatthehighestlevel.IfIrangtheChiefofDefenceStaff,aMinisterorChairmanof amajor company Iwasput through to them immediately and,frankly,overtheyearsIhadcometoneglectmycontemporaries.WhenIleftthePalacethe‘Brass’droppedmelikeahotbrick,whilesomeofmyoldfriendstooktheopportunitytokickmehardinthecrotch.

AtfirstIfeltveryisolated,neitherPalacenorRAF.Withoutrealizingit,Ihadbecomepartofatotallydifferentculture.MyjobhadtakenmeoverandIhadbecomecompletelyabsorbedinit.

The Palace had fashioned a cosy cocoon aroundme, shelteringme from the normalvicissitudesofeverydaylife.Whenyouwantedsomethingdone,heypresto,ithappenedlikemagic;thenameoftheQueenorPrincePhilipopeneddoorsnormallylockedtomorehumblesubjects.

IsometimesfeltIhaddoneitallbefore.ThePalaceandthepeopleinitweresofamiliarthatinsomepreviousreincarnationIhadservedasacourtier.Ithadbecomeincreasinglydifficult to move from the Palace back to a small house and all the horrid chores ofdomesticity; the differences were too great. Gradually the split between my workingenvironmentandmyhomelifehadwidened.

I had enjoyedworking for Prince Philip. Heworked tremendously hard himself andexpectedhisstafftodothesame.Hewasalwaysdirectandtothepoint,andhisnauticaltrainingshonethroughallhisactions.Heoccasionallybecameirritatedwithofficialdomandthishadbeenparticularlythecaseoverhisflyingtrainingandoverdealingswiththe

pompousAirMarshalswhohadlongsincegivenupanyideaofflyingthemselves.Theydidtheirbesttorestricthisflying.However,accordingtoBasilBoothroyd’sbookentitledPhilipIbecameapompousAirMarshalmyself,sincehewrote:

Asawrypassingnote,PeterHorsley,thesquadronleaderequerrywhowassomuchonthesideoftheangels,isnowanAirMarshalattheMinistryofDefence.‘Ican’tbelieveit,’hetoldParkerwhentheyrecentlymet–‘I’manAirship!’

But thewryest part, perhaps, is thatHorsley is nowoneof themen earnestlywrappingprotective cocoonsroundPrinceCharlesandhisQueen’sFlightBasset.

Whatasnideremark.IhadnothingwhatevertodowithPrinceCharles’flyingtraining,asIwasatthetimeAssistantChiefofAirStaff(Operations).

After I left Iwas invitedback to thePalacefrequently tobegreeted like theprodigalson, recognized by a smart salute from the policeman on the gate, entitled to use theprivilegedPrivy purse entrance, respectfully greeted by footmen and pages, confidentlyusingtheHouseholdcloakroomtoparkmyovercoat,boisterouslywelcomedbytheotherEquerriesandHouseholdStaff,andfinallyinvitedtowhiskyandcoffeeintheEquerries’room.

Gradually,withthepassageoftime,thisprivilegedpositiondisappearedasoldfriendsthemselvesleft,retiredorjustdied.MemoriesdimmedandIbecamejustoneofthecrowdontheoutside.ButmytimeatthePalacehadaprofoundeffectonmylifeafterwardsandmademeamuchmorecompleteandconfidentperson.

Fortunately I still had one or two good friends in theRoyalAir Force,who sawmesafelybackintotheServiceviatheFlyingCollegeatManby.IhadhadthedeterminationtokeepupwithmyjetflyingwhileIwasdoingmyRoyalduties,andsoexcelledinmyflying exercises on theHunter and Canberra that at the end of the course I was givencommand ofNo 9Canberra Squadron to gain experience before, hopefully, getting thecommandofaprestigiousV-BomberSquadron,thentheheightofanyAirForceofficer’sambition.

I entered Bomber Command at the height of its power with a formidable force ofVulcans,VictorsandValiantscapableofcarryingnuclearweapons,augmentedbyaforceofabout250Canberralightbomberswithaconventionalcapability.IwaspostedtoRAFBinbrookwhichhadatotalforceofsixtyCanberras.

EventuallytheCanberrawasgivenanuclearcapabilitywiththeLowAltitudeBombingSystem(LABS)or the ‘madman’s’ loop.This involvedflyingat threehundredmilesanhouratlowlevel,pullingtheaircraftupandatthetopoftheloopreleasingtheweaponandrollingoutintheoppositedirection.TheAmericanshadbeentryingthisoutinB57Suntilthewingsofanaircraftweretornoff.ThetechniquehadbeenpickedupbytheRoyalAirForce.IoftenwonderedhowtheCanberrastooduptothemanoeuvrebutasfarasIknownowingscameoff.

Aftersixmonthsorsoon9Squadron,farfrombeingpostedtoaV-BomberSquadron,IwassentbacktotheFlyingCollegeatManbyasSeniorInstructor.Thestudents,allWingCommanders of RAF and Commonwealth Air Forces, flew in a number of aircraft,Meteors,HuntersandCanberras,andcompletedthenavigationsyllabusonLancaster.TheFlyingCollegehadpromoted theAriesseriesofaircraftwhichfinishedupwithAries5

whichwasaspeciallymodifiedCanberra,stuffedwithfueltanksineveryavailablespace.The normal Canberraweighed about thirty-five thousand pounds andAries 5 carried afurtherfiftythousandpoundsoffuel.Thefueltanksweredividedintotwopartsandyoudrewonthesecondhalfofthefuelwithasimpleon/offswitch.OnadarknightovertheNorthPoleyougingerlyturnedonthe‘on’switchandprayeditwouldreleasethesecondseries of tanks. I undertookone or twopolar flights onAries 5 and then flewdirect toAden.The tankswerefilledup tooverflowingatMansionandwewere towedoutbyatractor to theendof the runwaywherewe launchedoff, taking thewhole five thousandyardsof the runway tostagger into theair. Itwas toohotatAden to tryadirect returnflight.

Iwas thenposted tocommandRAFWattisham.Thiswas thepremierFighterStationwith threesquadrons:No111Squadron,whoflew theaerobatic teamtheBlackArrowswithHunters,No56SquadronwithHunters,andNo43SquadronwithJavelins.AgainIwasbeingofferedthechancetomakemymark.IdidashortJavelinconversioncourseatRAF Leeming; the Javelin had an evil reputation largely due to the test pilot BillWaterton’s reluctance to undertake spinning trials, but I always found the aircraftdelightfultofly.Theonlythingyoudidnotdowastostalltheaircraftor,evenworse,spinit, since it really did not like recovering froma spin.My instructor explained this verycarefully tomeand thenaccidentallyput theaircraft intoan inverted spin, terrifyingusboth!

One of my jobs as Station Commander was to accompany 111 Squadron on theiroverseas tours to make sure that they behaved themselves prior to an Air Show andparticularly that they got to bed bymidnight before performing the following day. TheCommanding Officer was Squadron Leader Peter Latham and his normal show wasperformed by nine aircraft. My own cross in that Squadron was a young pilot calledClayton-Jones.WeclashedonnumerousoccasionsandIalwayscameoffworst.ThefirsttimeImethimwasatashowinSpainwhenPeterLathampulledhisteamratherclosetothe runway after a loop and then wheeled the formation round to pull up into a roll.Clayton-Jones,whowasalwaysthewingman,finishedupveryclosetothegroundandasLatham pulled up there was chattering on the radio. Latham always insisted on radiosilenceintheformationsothathecouldgethisnextordersoutcrisplyandclearly.Onthede-briefingafterwardsLathamsaid,‘Sorrychaps,Ipulledoutofthatloopratherlowbuttherewas some chatter on the radio. It sounded like you, C-J.Whatwas the trouble?’‘Nothing,’repliedC-J,‘Ijustwantedtodietalking!’

On another occasion, at Lyons in France, I had briefed everyone to be in bed bymidnight for an eleven o’clock performance the following morning. I came down tobreakfast to meet C-J just coming through the swing doors of the hotel wearing darkglasses.‘GoodmorningC-J,’Isaid,‘gladtoseeyouareupsoearly.’‘Goodmorning,Sir,’repliedC-J.‘Ihavenotjustgotup.Iamjustgoingtobed.’

Embarrassingly for a Station Commander, I broke my elbow at a particularly roughdining-in night.Of course the officer responsible for this painful eventwas none otherthanmyfriendClayton-Jones.

***

WattishamhadbeenselectedasthefirstoperationalLightningstation.TheLightninghadbeen an English Electric experimental aircraft and was rushed into service after theAmericans had found the sound barrierwas no barrier after all. Itwas built just like amissile,twomassivereheatedOlympusenginesslungunderafuselage.TheaircraftwasadelighttoflybutprettyuselessasanairdefencefightersincetheMark1onlyhadfortyminutes’ endurance and its radar was particularly useless. It also suffered from manyteething troubles, electrically andmechanically. I hadgreat difficulty in persuadingoneparticularlynervouspilottostaywiththisaircraft.Hewasinthehabitoftryingtoeject!

Whenpractisingaquickclimbtoheight,avitalpartofanyairdefencefighter’srole,thedrillwastoflyouttoseaatMach.9,acceleratetoMach.2at35,000feetandpullupto55,000feetinastraightline,andthenrecoverbacktobase!Once,whenIwasfeelingparticularlybrave,Iwentonpullingback,toppingoutatabout70,000feetanddroppinglikeabrickbacktoMotherEarth.

Because Wattisham was the premier Fighter Station and because of my Royalbackground, I collected all Royal visitors to Fighter Command from King Hussein toPrincePhilip.Therecordwasthreeinonemonth.Youputonesetofpropsawayandthenpulled out the next one. I was even criticized by the headlines in a newspaper tabloidwhichread,‘StationCommanderordersplasticdaffodilstobeplantedforRoyalVisitor’.Thiswasquiteuntrue.Somewaghaddoneitasajoke.ButwhatIdorememberwasthatwhenPrincessAlexandravisitedthestationmywifewassupposedtopresentherwithabouquetofflowersoutsidetheFamilyCentreandaWRAFofficerwasdetailedtoproducea suitable bouquet. The great moment arrived and Princess Alexandra appeared in anofficial car. ‘Bouquet,’ someone cried. ‘Bouquet,’ was echoed, but no bouquet. TheWRAF officer had forgotten! My wife, with considerable presence of mind, hurriedlypickedabunchofdaffodilsfromthebedaroundtheFamilyCentreandthrustitintothehandsofthePrincesswhowasquitecharming.‘Whatabeautifulbunchoffreshflowers!’Shedidn’tknowjusthowfreshtheywere!

ItwasalsoonPrincessAlexandra’svisitthatImadeahowlermuchechoedaroundtheAirCouncilonwhatnottosayduringaRoyalvisit.WehadarrangedaHunterformationafter lunch with the letters ‘P.A.’ On the way to lunch and followed by a line of AirMarshals, PrincessAlexandra said, ‘Peter, I hear you are flying an “A” formation afterlunch.’Without thinkingIsaid,‘Oh,Ma’am,wearedoinga“P”overyouaswell.’ShehowledwithlaughterbutthefollowingAirMarshalswerenotamused.

Istillkepthittingtheheadlines.No111Squadronwasscheduledtomakeafly-pastonthebirthofaRoyalbabyandtheheadlines in theExpressran,‘GroupCaptainHorsley,theQueen’soldEquerry,said,“MyboysarereadytochristentheRoyalchild.”’Iwishedthe earth could have opened and swallowed me up. On another occasion I reluctantlyagreedtogiveatelevisioninterviewtoapresenterwhoIbelievedwasanoldfriend,on111Squadron’saerobaticprowess.Theyhadjustcompletedarecordnumberof twenty-two Hunters in a loop over Farnborough. I agreed to this interview provided ColinHodgkinsonmadenomentionofmypastRoyalconnections,whichhepromisedtodo.Inthe live broadcast he startedwith thewords, ‘NowGroupCaptain, youwere of courseEquerrytotheDukeofEdinburgh,whatdoyouthinkabout…’Somuchforpromises!

While atWattisham I learned the essential qualities of leadership. I flewwith all the

squadrons,includingNo111Squadron,onaerobaticsortiesinthedualHunterwithPeterLatham at the controls. For my farewell dining-in night I had briefed the Wing thatmorningthatIdidnotwanttoseeanyhorseplayatdinneruntilaftertheQueen’shealthhadbeendrunk.Theywereall soquietandwell-behavedatdinner that I thought Ihadruined the evening. As soon as the Queen’s health had been drunk there was bedlam;througheverydoorandeverywindowpilesofburningpillowfeatherswerethrownintotheroomandwithinsecondsvisibilityhaddroppedtolessthanayard,andsoitwentonthroughoutthenight!

***

MynextpostwasasGroupCaptain (Operations) atHeadquartersNearEastAirForces(NEAF)inCyprus,thistimewithfarmoreexperienceandconfidence.IwastheonlystaffofficertohaveajeepandIlivedaverypamperedlife,startingworkatseveno’clockandpackingupatlunchtimewhichleftplentyofsparetimeforthebeachorriding.Thestaffhadbeenworriedabout theStationCommanderofAkrotiriwhichwas themajor flyingbaseintheNearandMiddleEast,asheneverseemedtohaveagripeitherofhisStationortheFlyingWing.Ifoundhimacharmingman,politeandintelligent,butveryshortonflyingexperience,aboutfivehundredhoursonspecialdutyLysandersduringthewar.HehadbeenaplannerandwascompletelymiscastasanOperationStationCommander.MyoldSquadron,No111,now re-equippedwithLightnings,weredue to fly toAkrotiri inabout twomonths’ time.TheStationCommandercouldnotreallyfaceupto it.Hekeptputtingoffdecisionsonhowtorecoverthem.

Ididnotwieldtheaxe.InfactIdidmybesttoprotecthim,but,whatwasworse,hisWing Commander Flying was also not up to the job, never having gone solo on theCanberrawhichwasthemainaircraftofthestation.Thepairofthemusuallymadeahashof things. The Senior Air Staff Officer, Air Vice-MarshalWorrall, got fed upwith thesituationanddecidedthattheStationCommanderhadtogo.Iwasdispatchedtotellhim.Hetookitverybadly,butinhisheartofheartsIthinkitwasagreatrelief.Wehadtofindanimmediatereplacement,buttheMinistryinconsultationdecideditwouldtakeatleastsixmonthstofindaCanberra-trainedone.

IknewwhatwasinthewindwhenmyCommander-in-Chief,SirDenisBarnett,sentforme and said, Peter, I want you to go down tomorrow and take over RAF Akrotiri.’ IrepliedthatIdidn’treallywanttogoforanumberofreasons.First,IhadjustfinishedasastationcommanderinFighterCommandandmycontemporarieswouldnotlookkindlyonmybecomingastationcommanderagain,and,second,asastationcommander’sjobwasexpensive, Ididnotwant tobear thepersonal costof another.Mycommander-in-Chiefwas quite succinct. ‘Peter,’ he said, ‘I am not asking you, I am ordering you.’ So thefollowingdayIpresentedmyselfat theguardroom.Onbeingasked to identifymyself IrepliedthatIwasthenewStationCommanderandthattheyhadbetterlearntorecognizeme.Ihadsufficientexperiencetorealizethatthenextsixmonthsweregoingtobeverytoughindeed.

Iwent tosee theStationCommander inhisofficeandaskedhim to leave thestationwithin twenty-fourhours.Hewentquietly andwasposted to abackwater staff post inCENTOatAnkara. Idon’t thinkheever recoveredand left theRAFsome time later. Itwasapityhehadeverbeengivenafront-linestation.Hadhebeengivenaplanningjobin

theMinistryofDefence,orevenatrainingstation,hehadtheintellecttobecomeaveryseniorofficer.

TheWingCommanderFlyinghad to go aswell, so I gavehimhismarchingorders.ThatdayatlunchIwasavoidedbythewholestationandateinsplendidisolation.

ThefirstthingInowdidwastoparadethefiveSquadronCommandersinfrontofme.With aweakWingCommander Flying they had been allowed to do exactlywhat theyliked,butItoldthemthatIhadalsotakenonthejobofWingCommanderFlyingandthatIexpectedtoflywithalltheirSquadrons,sotheyhadbetterfollowordersinfuture.Theydidn’tlikeitandhadthenervetosayso.‘Allright,’Isaid,‘thinkitoverandletmeknowtomorrowifyouwouldliketofollowtheWingCommanderFlying.’

FromthenonIneverhadasqueakoutofanyofthemandtheybecamethemostloyalof subordinates.Eventually I formedaCanberraWingwith fiveSquadronsandaWingCommanderandmyoldfriendPeterLathamarrivedastheCanberraWingLeader.

Just beforeNo 111 Squadronwere duewith their Lightnings I sent a signal to theircommandingOfficer,DickieWirdnam,tellingthemtobringtheirdinnerjacketswiththemastherewasablacktiefunctionintheMess.Theydulylanded,aneventforwhichwehadarrangedapressreception.TheyseemedtobespendingalotoftimeintheircockpitsbutoncommandoftheirCommandingOfficertheycamedowntheladdersallresplendentindinnerjackets!IntheMark1Lightningstheyhadhadtoplanforanine-flightrefuellinghook-up to get them toAkrotiri and therewas a story at the time that one pilot stayedhookedupforthewholeflight,likeababyatitsmother’sbreast!

ThatChristmasallhellbrokelooseandIwasrungupbytheNEAFOperationsRoomatfiveo’clockinthemorningtobetoldthataTurkishinvasionfleethadbeensightedofftheCyprus coast and that I was to start the evacuation of six thousand Limassol familiesthrough Akrotiri immediately. We had practised the evacuation beforehand and it allworked like clockwork. By this time I had the whole station on my side and theyunderstoodwhatleadershipwasabout.IhadthoroughlyprofessionalWingCommandersunderme and had thewonderful feeling of a ship’s captain that I only had to turn thewheelandtheshipwouldrespondeasilyandquickly.

TheGreeksstartedslaughteringTurksandthewholeislandblewup.Graduallyfightingbecame a battle between the north and the south with small pockets of Turks beingeliminated.

RAF Nicosia had to be evacuated and I received all their aeroplanes at Akrotiri, asquadron of Javelin fighters and a transport squadron ofHastings. SinceSuez,AkrotirihadbeenexpandingrapidlyandIhadahugebuildingprogrammeonmyhands,includinga newLightning fighter dispersal and hangar and a large transport dispersal.We had afairly efficient plan to dealwith all this but the evacuationofNicosia filledAkrotiri tooverflowing, so much so that I had to create a temporary Officers’Mess in a disusedhangar. There were now nine Wing Commanders under me, besides a Group CaptainCommandingthehospital–ratherawidespanofcommand.

Eveninthebestrunorganizations,therewillbemomentsofdisaster.Iwasshowingaparliamentary delegation around the Station andwaswith them in the Sergeant’sMessstandingupagainstawindowexplainingtheproblemsofrunningsuchalargeStation.I

sawtheMPseyeswideningas theystaredoutof thewindowbehindmeandeventuallyonesaid,‘Excuseme,GroupCaptain,butthereisalargefireburningbehindyourback.’‘It’sperfectlyallright,’Ireplied.‘Wehaveaveryefficientfirebrigade.’However,whenIeventually turned round I saw the Officers’ Mess blazing fiercely in the background.‘Excuseme,’ I said and ran out. Lightning had struck the roof andwithin seconds thewholebuildingwasablaze.ImetthePMCrushingoutwiththemonthlyMessbillsinhisarms.‘ForGod’ssakeputthemback,’Iyelled.Ratherbravely,soIthought,Iwentintotheburningbuilding tomake sure that everyonewasoutof it and founda loneWRAFofficerstandingonachairtakingthecurtainsdownunderaredhotroof.‘ForGod’ssake,getout,’Iyelledastheroofbegantofallaroundher.OfcoursewhenthehosepipeswerehookedupandaveryefficientCommandingOfficerof theFireBrigadeshouted, ‘Turnthewateron,’onlya thin trickle loopedout fromtheendof thepipe.TheMessburneddowncompletelyandtheMPsstayedintheSergeants’Messforanexcellentlunch.AnewMesswasbuiltjustuptheroadandtheoldonewasrepaired,sointheendIhadplentyofroomtohousemy600officers.

***

WhenIleftWattisham,IhadthoughtthatIhadfinallygotridofClayton-Jones.Ishouldhaveknownbetter.IledaCanberrapracticeraidfromAkrotiri,bombingtherangeatElAdemintheearlymorningandthenlandingatthelocalRAFstation.AsavisitingGroupCaptain,IwasgivenaVIPbedroomintheOfficers’TransitMess.Ihadjustgotintomypyjamaswhen Iheard thesoundof someoneplayingaverysqueakyviolin in the roomnextdoor.ThenoisewassoexcruciatingthatIdonnedmygroupCaptain’sjacketovermypyjamas and roared next door to deliver a blistering attack on the offender. It was, ofcourse,Clayton-Jones,whowasonaHunterarmamentpractisecamp.IknewIwasonahidingtonothingsoImeeklysaid,‘GoodMorningC-J,’andretiredhurtbacktomyroomtocry!

***

Onmy return toEngland, theAirSecretary interviewedmeand said, ‘Youneeda rest,Peter, so Iamsendingyou to the ImperialDefenceCollege forayear.’Hewas right, itwas a rest consisting of a half past ten o’clock lecture followed by lunch and golfafterwards.AttheendofthecoursetheSecretarygotupandaskedustoreturnanybookstothelibrary.IhavetoadmitIdidn’tevenknowtherewasalibrary!

IwasnowpostedasDeputyCommandantattheJointWarfareEstablishment(JWE)atRAFOldSarum.Ihadn’tacluewhereorwhattheJWEwas,butitsoundedlikethekissofdeathtome.Infactitwasonlyastop-over.AttheendofmytourIwaspromotedtoAirVice-MarshalasAssistantChiefof theAirStaff (Operations).Meanwhile, Ihadcreatedanotherschool–theJointAirTransportEstablishmentandwasitsfirstCommandant.ItwasatOldSarumthatImetmyfuturewife,althoughwedidn’tgetmarrieduntiltenyearslaterwhenshehadshedahusbandandIhadshedawife.

***

Mynewappointmentwas the first time I had ever served inWhitehall and it proved agreatculturalshock.TherewerethreeAssistantChiefsofwhomACAS(Operations)wasprimuspares,takingoverfromtheViceChiefwhenhewasaway.

ThefirstexcitementwasthatNorthernIrelandblewuponeSaturdaymorning.Betweenus,anArmyColonelandItransported5,000reinforcementsthereovertheweekend.OnMondaytheChiefoftheAirStaffsentformeandsaid,‘Peter,youmighthaveaskedmeor at least toldmewhat youwere doing.’ So I learnedmy firstWhitehall lesson, ‘Telleveryone, including thecleaners,whatyouaregoing todo. It isbetter tohave thecivilservantsonyoursidethanagainstyou.Ialsolearned,amongmuchelse,howtoansweratelephoneat any timeof thedayornight andanswer in aperfectly clearvoice, ahabitwhichstilllasts.

IhadaseriesofothercrisestodealwithduringmytimeasACAS(Ops):theoverthrowoftheKinginLibyaandtheseizureoftheRAFairfieldatElAdem:therevoltagainsttheKing inJordan: the invasionofHungaryby theSovietUnion: theclosureof theborderbetweenGibraltarandSpainbytheSpanishandtheinvasionofAnguilla.ForthelatterIwas in charge of the operational planning for all our transport operations. I resistedsending in bombers as there was only one light aircraft on the airfield! I attendedinnumerablemeetingswiththeArmy,civilservantsandForeignOffice,allofwhichwereconductedintheutmostsecrecy.Insteadofusingthenormalsecurityprocedure,endorsingdocumentstopsecret,secret,andsoon,everythingwasconductedbywordofmouth.AsaresulttheoperationescalatedanditseemedasthoughtheentireBritishDefenceForcehadturnedonatinyislandandwasabouttosubjectittoamightyinvasion.InWhitehallallbusiness is conducted by large meetings and I was required to chair one such on theInvasion Plan in one of four adjacent conference rooms. Iwent down the corridor andopenedadoortofacealongtableoffortypeople,soIsatdownintheChairman’splaceatthe head of the table.After about twentyminutes, inwhich a number of people spokeabout overflying African Territories, I brought the proceedings to a halt and said,‘Gentlemen,whathasoverflyingAfricanTerritoriestodowiththeinvasionofAnguilla?’Oneofthemembersstoodupandsaid,‘MrChairman,thismeetingisaboutoverflying.’Iapologizedandhurriedlylefttheroom.Whereuponanothergentlemanhurryingdownthecorridorbumpedintomeandsaid,‘Whoareyou?’Ireplied,‘Anguilla,butwhoareyou?’Hesaid,‘IamOverflyingAfricanTerritoriesbutforthelasttwentyminutesIhavebeenchairingameetingontheInvasionofAnguilla.’

Anguillawasreallythebiggestcock-upsinceMons!Whenourtroopsstormedashoretheycouldn’tfindanyenemy,allfiveofthemhadlefttheislandthepreviousday!

I was responsible for the clearance of all aircraft; at one meeting I mentioned theclearanceofourairtransportaircraftfulloftroopsthroughtheRCAFStation,GooseBay,ontheirwaytoAnguilla.FrankCooper,theRoyalAirForcePermanentUnder-Secretary,gesticulated tome that itwasall inhand.On theday,ofcourse, theCanadians, to theirhorror,foundaBritishinvasionbeingmountedthroughoneoftheirstationsandtheysentall the transport aircraft hurrying back to England. Mr Trudeau, the Canadian PrimeMinister, rang Harold Wilson at midnight complaining bitterly of the invasion of histerritory. Iwas left holding the baby and it looked as though Iwas for the high jump.FortunatelyFrankCooperadmittedhismistake,butIstillhadtoflytoCanadatomakeapersonalapology,althoughnooneinOttawabelievedmyversionofthestory.

ThePrimeMinisterhadaparanoiaaboutleakstothePress.Thisresultedineverythingbeing passed on by word of mouth rather than using the secure signals traffic. For

example,overtheAnguillaoperation,IhadpersonallytogoandvisittheCommander-in-ChiefTransportCommand to instruct him toget his transport aircraft ready to flywestabout3000milestoanislandbeginningwithan‘A’andendingwithan‘A’andthathiscrews would have to wear tropical kit! Of course with the telephone buzzing betweenWhitehall,AldershotandUpavonitwasnotlongbeforeanoperatorhadsorteditalloutandbriefed thePressaccordingly.Hence, thedaybefore the invasionwasdue tobegin,thestorycameoutintheheadlinesofthetabloids.

The PrimeMinister also believed that it took his personal intervention to solve thepressing problems of the day. He had decided therefore to interfere personally in theNigerian/ Biafran Civil War. In consequence, I found myself having to organize theprovisionoftwoVC10aircraft–onewithprestigefitfortheVIPsandoneasback-up–toflytoLagos,whereitwasexpectedthattalkswouldbeheld.Inaddition,tocaterforthepossibility of the need for any internal flying in and out of Biafra, an Andover and asupportingHerculeshadtobepositioned.ThepossibilityofthepartyhavingalsotocallinatAddisAbabahadtobetakenintoaccountaswell.Allinall,itwasaveryexpensiveandrathercomplicatedexercise.

The PM set off on his travels, surrounded by an enormous entourage. Despite theconsiderableexpenditureoftimeandeffortinvolved,letalonethecost,hismissioncametonaught.

***

DenisHealeywastheMinisterforDefenceat this timeandhadthehabitof taskingthestaffs on a Friday afternoon to write a Paper over the weekend for his perusal on theMonday,which,apartfromthework-load,Isupposewasbetterthanthenormalhabitofministersmakingtheirdecisionsbyflippingacoin.TheonlytimeIreallymethimwasata meeting in the company of the Chief of the Air Staff, Air Chief Marshal Sir JohnGrandy.OnmyappointmentasAssistantChiefIhadalsoinheritedthechairmanshipofaStandingcommitteecalledLinesman/MediatorwhichwasmadeupofaboutfortypeoplefromAirTraffic,PostOfficeandUncleTomCobbleighandall.Ithadbeenestablishedtobring the largeandcomplexAirTraffic/DefenceCentreatWestDrayton intooperation.TheCentre had been planned some ten years earlier as an integratedCivil/MilitaryAirTrafficandDefenceCentreonaforecastoffuturecomputertechnologywhichprovedfartoooptimistic.WhenI tookover thesteeringcommittee therewasnotahopeof iteverreachingfruition,despitethefactthat£120,000,000hadalreadybeenspentonlargebanksofalreadyredundantPlesseycomputers!Iwasbriefedbymypredecessorthatitwouldbemuchwisernevertoletthesubjectoutofthecommitteeroomandtohanditovertomysuccessor after three years. Unfortunately we had to approach the Treasury for moremoney and it was necessary to leak it out of the door, where it exploded among thepoliticians.ItendeduponDenisHealey’sdeskandsoImetwithhimandCAStodecideitsfate.SirJohnGrandyputitallintoonesentence,‘Minister,ifyouwanttoseeRussianbombersflyingatfivehundredfeetpastWestminsterandParliamentyoucancancelit.’AtthewordParliamentDenisHealyblanchedandsaid,‘Allright,CAScarryon.’However,in the end Linesman/Mediator proved to bemy downfall, as theCommander-in-ChiefBomberCommandhadsethismindagainstitandtriedtogettheViceChieftocancelit.Having got little change out of VCAS, he rangme up and said, ‘Peter, I want you to

cancel it.’ I replied that I only took orders fromVCAS and not fromCommanders-in-Chief.Thiscookedmygooseasfarasmyfuturecareerwasconcerned.

***

ItwasdecidedbytheAirForceBoardratherlateinthedaythattheRAFwouldentertheDailyMailTransatlanticAirRacewhichtookplacein1969.TheRoyalNavyhadalreadyenteredPhantomswhich theRAFhad agreed to supportwithVictor tankers, and Iwasgiven therather thankless taskofassemblinganddirecting theRAF’sentries. It seemedpointless to enterRAFPhantoms to competewith theNavy.Happily, amember ofmystaffcameupwiththebrilliantideaofenteringtheHarrier.TodosorequiredustopushforwarditsflightrefuellingcapabilitywithRAFBoscombeDownandtofindasuitablesiteinLondonclosetothestartingpoint,thePostOfficeTower.WeexploredalotofsitesincludingtheParkswhichwereideal,givingplentyofroomincaseofanenginefailureontake-off,butnoonewouldgiveuspermission touse them.Theonlysitewecould findclose enough to the Post Office Tower was a coal yard next to St Pancras Station. Itbelonged to British Rail who enthusiastically gave us permission to use it. In markedcontrastwith theobstructionismthatwehadencountered inLondon, theMayorofNewYork,ontheotherhand,gaveustremendoussupport,knowingthepublicityvalueforhiscity.IndeedhewantedustolandontheEmpireStateBuilding,whichwasthefinishingpoint.However,wesettledonaschoolyardnextdoortotheUnitedNationsBuilding.

The questions still being raised within MOD were endless. However, once I hadsatisfiedhimaboutthesafetyaspectsoflandingandtakingoffaHarrierinthemiddleofLondonand theeffectupon the local residentsof thenoiseandcoaldust from thecoalyard,LordWinterbottom,theUnderSecretaryofStateRAFsupportedoureffortsagainstmostofhisministerial colleagues.Nevertheless,heactuallyvisited the sitehimself andspoketothepeoplelivingnearby.

IhadswornblindthattherewouldbenodustonthedayforIhadarrangedforthecoaldusttobedampeddownbyanimmenseamountofwater.Intheevent,Iwentdowntothesitetowatchthefirstlanding;thepilotapproachedovertherailwaystation,liftingoffitstin roofanddisappearing inacloudof theaccumulatedcoaldustofcenturies.Myeyesdidn’t recover from the grit for days afterwards. Unfortunately the television camerasfilmedthelanding.Oncehehadseenitonthenews,LordWinterbottomrangmetosay,‘NodustACAS(Ops)?’

In addition to the entries involving the Service aircraft, there were categories forindividualsorsmallgroupsusingcommercialairlinesandall threeServiceshadseveralentries in these– either flying fromLondonorNewYork, theirproblemsbeingmainlyconcerned with the speed at which they could get from the official start point to theiraircraftandfromtheaircrafttothefinish.

Having now satisfied LordWinterbottom, Iwas able to report the full details of theService involvement in the Air Race to Denis Healey for final approval and, on theassumptionthat therewouldnowbenofurtherhitchesovertheuseofthecoalyard, thiswasdulyforthcoming.

OneextraordinaryentrytotheAirRacewasthechimpanzeeofTyphooTeawhichwasled from the top of the Post Office Tower, then put on a passenger seat on a British

Airways jumbojetwhereasleepystewardessunsuccessfully tried toserve itdrinksandcanapés.Thetwoprizesof£6,000werewonbytheNavalPhantomandtheHarrier,andIreceived thechequeand tankards from theorganizersat theRoyalGardenHotelon theeveningof14May,1969,ataceremonyattendedbyPrincePhilip.

BritishRail,ofcourse,receivedexcellentpublicitywithitsannouncement,‘TheHarrierstandingatPlatform10isthe9.30toNewYork.’

The story of the Air Race provides a perfect example of the need to be ready foranythingwhen serving at the top levels of theMinistry ofDefence. It alsogaveme aninteresting lesson in the art of defeating the bureaucracy and the political junglewhicheventhesimplestandmostinnocuousexerciseseemstogenerate.

***

TheColdWarwasatitsheightandeachmonthIandthestaffclimbeduptotheAirForceOperationsRoomandplayedaWarGamewithanuclearscenario.Theconclusionoftheexercise was the launching of the V-Bomber Force against Russian targets as enemymissilesappearedonthescreenintheOperationsRoom.WethenallwaitedinsilenceforthethreeminutesitwouldtakethemtoarriveonLondonandbringArmageddon.

Despiteall,attheendofmytourIwaspostedasAirOfficerCommandingNo2GroupsoIwasstillinlineforthetopjob,astheGroupwasapremieroneintheRAFcomposedofsixstations,theVulcanforceatScamptonandWaddingtonwiththeVictorsatMarham,Buccaneers at Honington, a training station of Argosys at Cottesmore and an RAFHospitalatNoctonHall.

Iconvertedtoalltypes:Vulcans,Victors,BuccaneersandArgosys.TowardstheendofmytourtheAirSecretaryinformedmethatIhadbeenduetogotoNEAFasCommander-in-Chief.Unfortunately thenewCAShadby then takenoverandputhisownboy in. IwaspostedinsteadasDeputyCommander-in-ChiefofStrikeCommand,somyruntothetophadcometoanend.

While IwasDeputy atStrike I did two round-the-world flights, the first in aVulcanwith the Head of Medical Services, Air Vice-Marshal Geoffrey Dhenin, a remarkabledoctor who held theGeorgeMedal and theAFC and Bar. He had flown the CanberrathroughthefirstatomiccloudoverChristmasIslandshortlyafterithadexplodedandwasthefirstpersontoflysoclosetoanatomicburst.Itwasaveryroughrideandtheaircraftwassoradiatedthatithadtobethrownaway.Ionceaskedhimifithadaffectedhimatallandhereplied,‘No,Peter,theonlythingisthatmyeyesglowinthedark!’

We set off around the world: the Azores, Bermuda, Florida, San Francisco, Hawaii,HongKong,Singapore,Ceylon,Masirah,Cyprusandfinallyback tobase.While in theUnited States the Americans alwaysmounted a guard of honour for us and I couldn’tunderstandwhytheyallusedtocollapseinlaughteruntilonedayIturnedaroundandsawmygroundcrewoperatingthehydraulicliftofthenuclearbombbayanddowncameourtwosetsofgolfclubs!

You cando a very spectacular start of all four engines simultaneouslyon theVulcanprovided you have a Hochin starter on hand. There was a small RAF detachment onHonolulu commanded by a Squadron Leader with all the necessary equipment for

assisting V-Bombers on Pacific flights. The Station Commander, a Colonel Best, hadrecently been given a brand new Cadillac which he informed us the Pentagon hadallocatedtohimformeetingVIPslikeourselves.WedulyplayedgolfinHawaiiandweredriven out to theVulcan byColonelBest in hisCadillacwhich he parked immediatelybehindtheaircraft.Hethenstoodsmartlytoattentionsalutingusaswestartedup.IhaddecidedtoimpresstheonlookersbydoingarapidscrambleandaHochinstarter,weighingabouta ton,hadbeendulyplugged in. Ipressedall fourstarterbuttonsatonceand theOlympus engines started with a great roar. Away we went, hurtling down the runway.WhatIdidn’tknowwasthattheHochinstarterhadnotbeenanchoreddowncorrectlytothetarmacandwasblownbackbytheforceoffourOlympusenginesstraightintoColonelBest’sCadillac,cuttingitinhalf.Ididn’tlearnofthisuntilIgotaletterfromtheSquadronLeaderbackinEnglandtellingmehowColonelBesthadimmediatelylimpedbacktohiscar,puthisarmsontheremainsandcried likeababy.ThefollowingyearIdidanotherround-the-world trip, this time inaComet topresent theFincastleTrophy tocompetingmaritimeteamsinNewZealand.WeagainlandedinHonolulutobemetthistimebytheDeputyBaseCommander,aLieutenantColonel.IaskedhimwhereColonelBestwasandherepliedthatwhenhehadheardthatIwascominghehadtakentwoweeks’leave!

WhenIwasatStrikeCommandIwasknightedbytheQueen.WhileIkneltdownforhertoputthecollararoundmyneckshemurmuredsoftly,‘YouhavegrownintoaratherstoutAirMarshal,Peter!’Ihadtoo.

12

CaughtinaWebAttheendofthislongcorridorIpassed

intoalargeroomatthebackofthehouse.Iimmediatelyhadaterriblefeelingofforeboding.Theroomseemedfullof

shapelessphantoms,shriekingandjostlingaroundme.Outsidethehouseastormragedandrainclatteredagainstthe

darkenedwindowsoutofwhichIcouldjustcatchglimpsesoflow,swirlingclouds.AsIstruggledtogetoutofthissinister

room,Iwaspulledfirstonewayandthenanotherbyunseenhands.

IdecidedtoresignfromtheRoyalAirForcein1975.TheServicehaddonemeproudandIdepartedfromitwithnobitterness.

Mymarriagehadcontinuedonitsdownwardpathandfinallyended.Iwasnowabouttomarryagain–toAnnie,whomIhadfirstmetwhilstIwasatOldSarumtenyearsearlier.Ihadtwochildrenofmyown,whohadalreadyflownthenest,andAnniehadfoursmallones.Somyfamilywasabout toexpandagainandIwas feelingmore than readyforahomelifethatthepast,foronereasonoranother,hadeffectivelyeludedme.

It was not entirely the fact that I was posted as Air Member for Supply andOrganization(Ihadneverorganizedorsuppliedanyoneinmylife)butrathertheofferofthechairmanshipofRobsonLowe– thestampauctionhouse,nowapartofChristies–that had made up mymind for me. I had had a lifelong interest in collecting postagestamps. Thanks in no small part to my seven years at the Palace, I had assembled aparticularlyinterestingcollectionofCourtMail.Thishadbeenexhibitedat theNationalPostalMuseumandelsewhere, including theheadpostoffice inGlasgow.Now Ihadagoldenopportunitytousemyhobbytogoodeffect.

IagreedtogiveRobsonLowetwotothreedaysaweekofmytimebutIhadtofillintheremainingtwotothreedays–thefearofnothavingenoughtodowasoverpowering;soIjoinedML(Holdings),apubliccompanyinthedefencebusiness,firstasaDirectorandthen,in1990,asChairman.IalsostartedmyownprintingcompanywhichactedasadistributorforprintingmachineryforDahlgrenIncorporatedofDallas,Texas.Itturnedoutthat this company was the most successful of my ventures and for a few years didextremely well with lucrative contracts with the Wolverhampton Evening News, theBirminghamPostandMailandtheCoventryEveningTelegraphamongthem.Ialsotookon a number of directorships. These included the Honeywell Advisory Council,Aeromaritime IncorporatedofWashingtonDCandanumberofother companies.For a

time IwasalsoManagingDirectorofStanleyGibbons, aboyhooddream.Mybusinessdaysweremorethanfullandgenerallyhappy.

***

Icomenowtothefinalepisode.Anewmenaceloomedupoutoftheshadowsandlikeagiantoctopusbegantowrapitsslimytentaclesaroundme.

Iwokeupon themorningofTuesday11November,1986,without the slightest ideathatIwasalreadythevictimofasinisterplot,stretchingbackovertheyearstothefar-offdesertsofSouthernOman.

Thedaystartedordinarilyenough.OnceayearML(Holdings)holdaboardmeetingatone of their subsidiary companies, M L Engineering, near Plymouth. One had beenarrangedforthefollowingmorning,withaboarddinnerthenightbeforeattheMoorlandLinksHotel.MywifehadalreadyleftourhousetovisithermotherinNorthWales.Afterworking atmy board paperswithmy secretary during themorning,we had a leisurelylunchtogether,afterwhichIgatheredmypaperstogetherandwentouttomyBMW.JoeBentley,mypartnerintheconsultancycompanywehadstartedtogether,hadinsistedthatwepurchaseasubstantiallybuiltsalooncaronthegroundsofroadsafety.Irecallturningthe radio to the afternoon play before settling back in the seat, looking forward to apleasantdrivedowntoPlymouth.JustbeyondBoscombeDownairfieldInegotiatedtheAmes-buryroundabout,overtookacartowingahorseboxandacceleratedtoaboutsixtymiles an hour on a straight section of the dual carriageway, now devoid of any trafficahead.

IhappenedtoglanceintherearmirrorandsawagreyVolvocomingupfasttostationitself immediately behind me. I was just about to wave it on when, with alarmingsuddenness, my BMW spun sharply to the left, and then, with tyres now screeching,equallysharplytotherightandthenbackagain.IwasthrownfromsidetosideasIfoughtto control the ever-increasing gyrations. Iwas suddenly transported back forty years tothatawfulnightwhenmyMosquitospuncrazilytowardsthesea.Asthen,timeslowedup,andIwasaspectatorwatchingamacabredramaunfoldbeforeme.

OutofthecornerofmyeyeIsawthegreyVolvoacceleratepastmeathighspeed.Mycarhadnowdeveloped amindof its ownas it swungbroadside and skiddeddown theroad.Withalurchithitthecentralreservation,mountedthegrassvergeseparatingthetwolanesofthehighwayandcrossedoverintotheoppositecarriageway.Ijusthadtimetoseeasmallcarapproachingfromtheoppositedirection.Ihititsidewaysonwithtremendousforce.Inasplitsecondthedriver’shorror-strickenfacewasvisibleandIclearlyheardhishoarsescreamabovethetearingmetalofthetwocarsmomentarilylockedtogether;thencamesilenceasthesmallcardisappeared,catapultedofftheroadbythesheerforceoftheimpact,leavingpiecesofscatteredwreckagebehindit.

MyownBMWwentonforafewyards,mountedthevergeonthefarsideoftheroadandfinallycametoahaltwithsmokepouringfromtheengine.Despitemyseatbelt, theimpact of the two cars hitting each other had propelled my body up over the steeringwheel,smashingmyheadthroughthewindscreen,splinteringitintoathousandtinyglasspieces, peppering my head and face.My first thoughts were that I was still alive andconscious. I could hear the engine and, as there was now a strong smell of petrol

permeatingthecar,Iquicklyswitcheditoffandthengingerlytestedmylegsandarmsforbrokenbones.AstheyseemedallrightIpushedopenthebentandbattereddoorandfelloutontotheverge,spreadeagledonthegrassbesidemysmokingvehicle.

Ilookedupattheskyandmywholelifepassedcrazilyinfrontofme.EventuallyIwasbrought back to reality by the screechingof brakes and tearingmetal as cars piled intoeach other in their efforts to avoid the wreckage strewn across the highway, graduallybringingalltraffictoacompletestop.Afterwhatseemedanagethefaceofamanlookeddown atme, caught sight ofmy bloody head and face and vomited.He pulled himselftogetherenoughtoshakilyenquirewhetherIwasallright.IrepliedthatatleastIdidnotappeartobedead,whichwasaplussignasfarasIwasconcerned.GraduallymorefacesappearedandIsatup.

Mywitshadbynowhalf-returnedand I sawwith terribleclarity the sightofa smallCitroencarlyingonitssidesomefortyyardsdownasteepbankjustbelowme.‘OhdearGod,’Ithought,‘don’tletsomeinnocentyoungstersbetrappedinit.’Itriedtostruggletomyfeet,determinedtoscrambledownthebanktogetthepooroccupantsoutofthecar,butmylegswouldnotwork.Iheardthesirensofmanypolicecarsandthejanglingoffireenginebells.ForthenexthourIwaslefttowatchthefirementearingatthesmallcarwiththeircuttingequipmentintheireffortstogettheoccupantsoutofthetangledmetal.

Thepoliceobviouslyhaveadrillfortheseoccasionsbecauseatfirsttheyleftmestrictlyalone,lyingbythesideoftheroad,untilfinallyaveryattractivepolicewomanbentovermeandbegangentlytocross-examineme.WhatspeedhadIbeendoing?HadIhadtheradioonandwasIchangingatape?DidIhaveamapandwasIlookingatit?Iwaspartlyconcussed and very confused, so I had no recollection ofwhat I replied, but itwas allfaithfullyrecordedandproducedlaterasastatement!Itwas thefirst indicationIhadoftheduplicityofthepolice.

AfterafurtherdelayIwascarriedonastretchertoanambulancepulledupatthesideof the road,which then sped off towards Salisbury, bells ringing loudly to clear awaythroughanytraffic.IwasliftedoutoftheambulanceatthedooroftheSalisburyhospitalby twokindly ambulance attendants andplaced in a small roombymyself.Before anymedical examination – again, I suspect, a part of the callous police procedure – auniformedpolicemancameinandaskedforaspecimen,followedbyanursewhotookabloodsamplefrommetocheckthealcoholcontent.Firstthingsfirst!Iwasonlytooreadyto oblige with pints of blood and of urine if they so wished. It was only after thisprolongedprocedure that IwasfinallyX-rayedandmyfaceandheadcleaned,althoughthe scars from the innumerable bits of glass were to stay with me for a long timeafterwards.TheX-raysshowedarupturedkidneyandthemuscleofmyrightupperarmhadbeencarvedintwobytheseatbeltasthecarhadjerkedviolentlyfromsidetoside.

Thedoctorwantedtokeepmeinforobservationovernight,butIwasdeterminedtogetoutofthehospital.AsmywifewasawayinNorthWalesIrangmyfriendDavidOwen,themanagingdirectorofLeckfordEstate,andchokinglytoldhimwhereIwasandcouldhecomeandfetchme.OnceathishouseIfinallybrokedownandweptlikeababy.Thatnight themost terrible nightmares hauntedme. I could not seem to get away from thehoarsecryofamantrappedintheawfulcollision.

ThefollowingmorningmywifeimmediatelyreturnedfromNorthWalestocomfortmeasbestshecould.Shetelephonedboththepoliceandthehospitaltofindoutthenamesoftheoccupantsoftheothercar,butmetawallofimpenetrablesilence.It tookthreedaysfor my solicitor to find out, in a roundabout way, that the sole occupant of the othervehiclewasaMajorMichaelMarmanandthathewasdead.Itwasasifaveilhadbeendrawndowntightlyaroundhimbysomeinvisiblehand.

Inthedaysfollowingtheaccident,likethatterriblenightin1944,Iseemedtobelivingon a much higher plane, almost as though the accident had triggered off a frenzy ofactivityinthespiritworld.

While my wounds gradually healed my mental anguish remained and, like a dogworryingoverabone,Iwentoverandoverthelastmomentsbeforethecrash.Whyhadmy BMW suddenly gone out of control? Had it developed amind of its own?Was itmechanicalfailure,abrakeseizure,orabursttyre?ButIalwaysreturnedtotheessentialfactthatIhadbeentravellingquitenormallydownastraightroadwhenthecarsuddenlybehaved in a violent and unexpectedmanner; therewas no rational explanation for theunpredictabilityoftheeventsthereafter.Ibegantodoubtmyownjudgementandmanyofmyclosefriends,includingJoeBentley,doubtedthecredibilityofmyexplanationoftheaccidenttoo.

Itwas not long before a police sergeant, accompanied by awoman police constable,visitedmyhome.Theybeganquitequietlybystatingtheyweremakingenquiriesintotheaccidentandthatthefollowinginterviewwouldtaketheformofquestionsandanswers.Theysatdownandthepoliceconstableledoff.Thequestionsbeganinnocentlyenough,butgraduallytookonamuchmoresinisteraspect.

WPC: ‘After examining your car therewere cassettes on the seat next to you.Whatweretheydoingthere?Wereyoureadingamap?’

Answer:‘Iwaslisteningtoaplayontheradio.Ibelievethetapeshadbeenthrownontotheseatbytheviolentrockingofthecar.’

WPC:‘Therewasalsoamaponthesameseat,perhapsyouwerereadingitatthetimeoftheaccident?’

Answer:‘No.Iknowtheroadwell.Themaptoomusthavebeenthrownontotheseat.Everythingwasflyingaroundtheinteriorofthecaratthetime.’

WPC:‘Howdoyouaccountforyourcarstrikingthekerb?’

Answer:‘Ididnothitthekerbpriortothecardevelopingitssuddenswing.’

Fromthesequestions itwasobvious that thepolicewomanwas trying to trapme intosaying that I had hit the kerbwhile changing a tape or looking at amap,whichwas atravestyofwhatactuallyhappened.Attheendoftheinterviewthesergeantstoodupandformallycautionedme that Icouldbechargedwithcausingdeathbyrecklessdriving. IrealizedatoncethatIwasupagainstaveryhostilepolicewhoweredeterminedtochargemewhateverthefacts.

IknewthenameofthemanwhosedeathIwasresponsiblefor,butthatwasall.EveryenquiryImadeabouthimorabout thoseconnectedtohimlednowhere.Ibecamequite

certainthattheSASorsomeothermilitaryorganizationhaddrawnatightnetofsecurityaroundhim.

The threatofa seriousprosecutionwhichcould lead toa jail sentencehungovermelike ablack clouduntil the inquestwas convened some sixmonths later. I attended theinquest with my solicitor, Tim Milligan, now a judge. The Coroner, Mr John Elgar,established themain facts of the accident as follows: ‘Sir PeterHorsleywas travellingwestontheA303andwasinvolvedinanaccidentbetweentheStonehengeforkandtheAmesbury roundabout on 11 November, 1986. His two-year-old BMW, which had noapparenttechnicaldefectsmountedthegrassreservationandhitaCitroen2CVtravellingin the opposite direction. Its driver,MajorMichaelMarman, died instantly and his carendedupdownasteepdroponthesideoftheroad.AbreathtestprovednegativeandSirPeterdeniedthathehadbeenlookingataroadmaporthathehadbeenloadingatapeatthetimeoftheaccident.’

TheCoronerthencalledMrAubreyAllen,alandagentfromSherborneinDorset,whohadbeentravellingalongtheA303inaBedfordhorseboxdrivenbyhiswife.Hetoldtheinquest: ‘TheBMWwas travellingnormallydown thecentreof the road in frontofmewhenalargepuffofsmokecameoutoftheleftrearsideofthecar.Thevehiclebegantoswervefromsidetoside.Thedriverwasobviouslyfightingtocontrolthecaranditthenshotacrossthecentralreservationatanacuteangle.’

My solicitor wisely advised me not to say anything. The Coroner concluded, ‘SirPeter’svehiclewasseentosnakealongtheA303forsomereasonwemayneverknowandthen across the central reservation where it came into violent collision with the othervehicle.’

MrAllen’sevidencewascrucial to theoutcomeof the inquestandwasverymuch inmyfavour.WhyhadIbeenleftinsuchtormentforsixmonths?Imethimafterwardsandhetoldmethat,followingtheaccident,thepolicehadwarnedhimnottogetintouchwithme!Itdemonstratedonceagainthatthepoliceweredeterminedtobringmetotrial.

AftertheinquestIwaschargedbytheWiltshirepolicewithcarelessdrivingtowhichIentered a plea of not guilty and decided to fightmy corner. I immediately engaged anexpertfromafirmofaccidentinvestigationconsultantstoenquirefullyintotheaccident.Hisreportcameoutentirelyinmyfavour.Itconcludedthat:

1.ThepolicescaleplanshowedaseriesoftyremarkswhichsupportedSirPeter’sexplanationofthemovementofhisvehicleoncehehadlostcontrol.Inparticularfourtyremarksvisibleonthekerbofthereservationsuggestedthat thiswasthefirst timetheBMWhadstruckthekerbafter travellingsideways.2.TherewasnothingintheevidencewhichindicatedthatSirPeterwasdrivinginanyotherthananormalmanner.ThemovementofthevehicleasdescribedbythewitnessMrAllenisnotindicativeof a driver not paying attention to his driving. Importantly, thiswitnessmade nomention of theBMWstrikingthekerbpriortoitscrossingthecentralreservation.3.Onspeed:theexpertpoliceofficergaveevidenceoftheBMW’sspeedatseventymilesperhourat the timeitwentoutofcontrol.Fora trainedaccident investigatorhisevidencewasremarkablybriefandlackedgoodanddetailedreconstruction.MyownestimateoftheBMW’sspeedwasthatitwastravellingatfifty-sixmilesanhourallowingforatenpercenterrorofmargin.

Theaccidentinvestigatorfinallyconcludedthat:

Thedefendanthasalwaysbeenasafeandprudentmotoristand thereshouldbeno

goodreasonforhissuddenlossofcontrol.

The accident investigator’s report was then sent to the Director of Prosecutions. Thepolice,who had nothing left to go on, thenwithdrew all charges againstme and Iwasawarded costs against them.These included the not inconsiderable fees of the accidentinvestigator.

ItwasshortlyafterthisthatRanulphFiennescontactedmeandthestoryofTheFeatherMenatleastgavemeapossibleexplanationofwhymycarhadbehavedinsuchamanner.TheClinichadmovedon,leavingbehindthefourdeadsoldiersinvolvedintheambushatZahirmanyyearsago.Theircontracthadbeenfulfilled.

Thestoryisnotyetquiteoverbecausethencamethecruellestjokeofall.Oneofmybrothers died and the funeral service was held at NetherWallop. After the service wefollowed the coffin out to a freshly dug gravewhere the vicar intoned a final prayer. Iglanced over at the gravestone next to his and there were the words ‘Major MichaelMarman’.

Thevoiceseruptedinapinnacleofindecentmerriment.

13

TheBeginningoftheEndIwentoutthroughthebackdoorand

strolledontothelawn.HalfwayacrossIlookedhackatthehouse,nowbathedinbrightsunlight.Thevoiceswerestilled.IwonderedwhenIshouldputfacestothem.

Iemergedfromthis lastdark tunnel intoaspaceofpeaceand tranquillity.Oncemore Ihadmetanddefeatedthegrimstalker.TheencounterhadconvincedmethatImustbeagooddealmorecareful in the future; if I caughtevenaglimpseofhimon theprowl, Iwouldturntailandrunforcover.

Withmyextended familynoweducatedand launchedon theirprecariouspaths,withmortgagesandloansalmostrepaid,thetimehadcometoeaseoffalittleandconcentrateonanarrowerfront,focusingonpersonalchoicesratherthantheneedtogeneratemoney.SoIgraduallyshelved thoseresponsibilitieswhichrequiredhardwork,sleeplessnights,late dinners and jet-laggedmeetings in distant uncomfortable hotels.Such interests as IretainarequitemodestandinvolvemeinaworldwithwhichIamfamiliar–aviationandprinting.

Ihaveshedalarge,uneconomicalhouseandmovedintoamuchsmallerone,withanexpansiveandbeautifulviewover theTestValleyon thebanksofa famouschalk riverwhere I lead a much more sedentary life of golf, fishing, the local pub and villageactivities.Timepassesevenmoreswiftlythanbefore.

Whatstress there is I leavebehindat thebeginningofeachJanuaryaswe travel toatinyislandontheedgeofnowhereandoutofthistime.MyfriendsaskmehowIgetthereand I reply, ‘On a big aeroplane, then change to a little one and finally paddle the lasttwentymiles.’Theislandisaparadisewithanidyllicclimate,threemileslongandaboutaquarterofamilebroad,shapedlikeanelbow.Itispopulatedbyacommunityofsometwohundred and fifty people, descendants of loyalists who fled the Carolinas two hundredyears ago to pursue a life of fishing and shipwrecking, plus an unknown number ofHaitian refugeeswhoundertake all theunpopular jobs around the settlement.There arealso a number of visitorswho, like ourselves, are escaping from the cold climes of thenorthernhemisphere,mostlyAmericansandCanadianswhooccupythesmall,coloured,clapboardhousesscatteredaroundtheisland,andboat,fish,swim,eatthelocalcrawfishanddrinkthelocalrum.Ofhighlifethereisnone–sansnewspapers,sanstelevisionandsansmotorvehicles;Idon’tsupposeIchangeintolongtrousersmorethanhalf-a-dozentimesintwomonths.AtimewarpseemstotakeyoubacktorepeatedvisitstothesameCornish village fifty years ago where the same people go every year to swap books,recipes,socializeandgossip.WereturntoEnglandasthedaffodilsarebeginningtobloomandthefisharewaitingtobecaught.

FortunatelyIbelieveinGodandinasoulwhichdoesnotdie.Whatyoubecomeandwhereyougo Idon’tknow.Toall intentsandpurposes Idied thatdaya long timeago

whentheseaand theskybecameoneandgraduallychanged intoavibrant landscape. Icrossedoverthebridgebetweenlifeanddeathandcouldjustseetheindistinctfiguresofpeopleontheotherside.AllpainhaddisappearedandIenjoyedthemostwonderfulpeace–thepainonlybegantoreturnasIretracedmystepsbacktothesidewithlife,propelledbysomeirresistibleforce. Iknowwithoutanydoubt thatsometimein thenearfutureIshallcrossthatsamebridgeagain.

IndexAdams,Flt.Lt.Bill,99

Adams,Gwen,125,126

Adams,Flt.Lt.Tony,125,126

Adamski,180,191

Aerodromes/Stations–R.A.F.

Akrotiri,211,212,213Binbrook,205Buckeburg,139Cranwell,69Gravesend,94Greenwood,82,90HighErcall,90Hunsdon,90,94Linton-on-Ouse,61LittleRissington,140,143NorthWeald,153OldSarum,11Penhold,73,76,77,78,80,90,126SouthCerney,63,67,68SwantonMorley,99Tangmere,154,159ThorneyIsland,95,96,100,118,119,123,124,127,129,135Wattisham,206,208,214

AirSeaRescue,114,119

Aircraft–R.A.F.

AirspeedOxford,63,64,70,71,81,82,83Anson,136,138,139,141AvroTutor,70,81Canberra,205,206,212,214Harvard,140Hunter,205,206Javelin,207,213Lancaster,140,145,206Lightning,208,212,213MeteorN.F.,158Mitchell,(U.S.A.),99,100Mosquito,82,83,91,94,96,98,99,100,101,102,106,107,108,112,134,140,226Spitfire,113,114,137,140,141

TigerMoth,63,64,81,83,140,150Vampire,141Vulcan,222Whitley,61

Akers,Jack,144

Alexandra,Princess,209

Allen,Aubrey,231,232

Appleby,Dudley,62,71,72

Ayshford,John,(laterGp.Capt.),62

Bader,Gp.Capt.Douglas,130

Bandon,AirVice-MarshalEarlof,(laterAirMarshal),159,167,168,169

Bannister,Roger,159

Barnett,AirChiefMarshalSirDenis,211

Barratt,AirChiefMarshalSirArthur,180

Beatrix,Princess,ofHohenlohe,167

Beken,Flt.Lt.Keith,119

Benson,Cpl.,105,106

Bentley,Joe,226,230

Beresford-Peirse,Robbie,62

Bernhard,Prince,168

Best,Col.(U.S.A.F.),222,223

Birley,Ken,62

BlueFunnelLine,22,25,26,27

Holt,Alfred,22,25,26,32IndiaBuildings,25,27Isherwood,(agent),44Miller,26

Bodien,Sqn.Ldr.,Joe,105

Brockbank,GeneralRobin,3

Browning,Lieutenant-General Sir Frederick, (Boy), 131,148, 149, 150, 155, 156, 157,163,164,173,180,196,203

Carey,Michael,132

Charteris,Lt.Col.Martin(laterLord),150

Cheshire,Gp.Capt.Leonard,132,133

Christina,Princess,ofHesse,167

Churchill,Winston(Rt.Hon.Sir),157

Clayton-Jones,Flt.Lt.207,208,214

Clinic(gang),1,2,5

DeVilliers,4,5Jake,3,4,5Meir,2,3,4,5

Cooper,Frank,(laterSir),216

Cowan,Wg.Cdr.(R.A.A.F.)Michael,155,156

Cox,Wg.Cdr.Eric,199

Cummings,Flt.Lt.Gordon,109

Cyclops(T.S.S.),27,28,38,45

Doctor:Hart,36Mate:Large,29Midshipmen:Eliot,27,32;Frost,27,30;Raymond,27,32;Roxby,27,32,41

Dale,Wg.Cdr.‘Daddy’,90,94,96,97,119

Darbyshire,Stephen,180

Davies,Lloyd,62,70,72,73

deGuingand,Major-General‘Freddie’,(laterSirFrancis),136

Dhenin,AirVice-MarshalGeoffrey,(laterAirMarshalSir),221

Donaldson,Wg.Cdr.Arthur,(laterGp.Capt.),140

Donaldson,Gp.Capt.Teddy,(laterAirCdre.),141

Dorothea,Princess,ofHesse,167

Dowding,Lord,181

DragonSchool,9,15,17,18,19,22,154

Edinburgh,Dukeof,seePhilip,Prince

Elgar,John,231

Elizabeth,Princess,9,142,148,149,150,152,155

Elizabeth,Queen,theQueenMother,150,157

ElizabethII,Queen,150,156,157,158,163,167,169,204,223

Elworthy,Gp.Capt.Sam,(laterMarshaloftheRoyalAirForceLord),158

Embry,AirVice-MarshalBasil,(laterAirChiefMarshalSir),135

EmpireAirTrainingScheme,75,76

Equerry,9,152,153,156,157,158,163,166,181,203,209

Pay,154–155Practicaljokes,168–169

Farrally,Flt.Lt.John,99

Fielden,AirCommodore‘Mouse’,164,165,166,169,170,171

Fielding-Johnson,Flt.Lt.,134

Fiennes,Ranulph,2,233

Foster,56

Fox,Uffa,161,162,163

Foxley-Norris,Wg.Cdr.Christopher,(laterAirChiefMarshalSir),79,144

French,Fg.Off.‘Froggie’,63

Gallagher,Flt.Lt.(laterSqn.Ldr.),145

GeorgeVI,King,139,155

Gordon,Flt.Lt.Caryl,168,169

Graham,Major-GeneralMiles,(laterSir),136,137,139,149

Grandy,AirChiefMarshalSirJohn,(laterMarshaloftheRoyalAirForce),218

Groups–R.A.F.

No.1,132No.2,90,92,100,221No.11,153,173No.23,140No.65,152

Harris,‘Bomber’,(laterMarshaloftheRoyalAirForceSirArthur),59

BattleofGermany,58–59

Healey,Denis,218

Heaton,Wallace,180

Horsley,Annie,(2ndwife),224,229

Horsley,John,(brother),55,56

Horsley,Phyllis,(1stwife),85

Horsley,Rupert,(brother),19,21

Horsley, Terence, (eldest brother), 8, 9, 12, 13, 14, 17, 20, 21, 55, 87, 147, 180;difficulties,13–14

Howard,Captain,179

Hussein,King,208

Innis,Arthur,62

Issa,SheikAmarBin,1

Janus,181,182,183,184,186,187,195,196,197,200

Johnson,Wg.Cdr.Johnnie,(laterAirVice-Marshal),136

Johnson,Fg.Off.T.S.,175,176,177

Kent,Gp.Capt.John,158

Kealy,MajorMike,2

Kraft,Prince,ofHohenlohe-Langenburg,167

Landy,159

Latham,Sqn.Ldr.Peter,(laterAirVice-Marshal),207,210,212

Latus,Tom,62

Leslie,Desmond,180

Longhurst,Henry,130

Lyons,Gunner,139,140

‘Mac’,Cpl.,2

Macdonald,AirCommodore,(laterAirMarshal),143

MarlboroughCollege,20

Margaret,Princess,150,151,157

Margarita,Princess,ofBaden,167

Markham,Mrs.,181,182,196

Marman,MajorMike,2,3,4,5,22,229,231,233

Martin,General,181,196

Mary,Queen,wifeofGeorgeV,157

Masters,Eric,62

Max,Prince,ofBaden,167

Maxwell,Sqn.Ldr.,77

Menelaus,(T.S.S.),44,45,54,55

Passengers:Benyon,45,53;Blomfield,45;Eymes,45

Milligan,Tim,231

Milling,Superintendent,John,2

Montgomery,General,(laterFieldMarshalViscount),136,139

Myer,Adrian,180

Newcastle-upon-Tyne,7,10,13,15,20,21,55

Gosforth,20Jesmond,10,1144SandersonRd,10,11,12,20

Newman,Flt.Lt.,119

Oliver,Flt.Lt.,Bill,86,87

Owen,David,229

Parker,Lt.-Comdr.Michael,131,149,150,156,159,162,163,164,168,169,173,203

Philip,Prince,9,120,131,142,148,149,150,152,155,158,159,160,161,162, 163,164,165,166,167,168,169,170,171,172,177,182,203,204,208,209,220

Britannia,H.M.Yacht,159–161Coronation,166–167Cricket,(Brambles),162–163Flying,(OperationThrush),167–169Helicopters,164–166PersonalAircraft,170–171U.F.O.s,171–201Yachting,161–162

Pickard,Gp.Capt.,91

Pike,AirMarshalSirThomas,(laterMarshaloftheRoyalAirForce),173,174

Rowley,Fg.Off.,R.A.A.F.,85

Round,Olive,144,148,149

RugbySchool,9,13,14

Schools–R.A.F.

CentralFlyingSchool,141CranwellCollegeFlyingTrainingSchool,70FlyingCollege,206ImperialDefenceCollege,214MosquitoOperationalConversionUnit,82No.2CentralFlyingSchool,69No.3ServiceFlyingTrainingSchool,63No.22ElementaryFlyingTrainingSchool,63No.36ServiceFlyingTrainingSchool,73,76

Smith,Wg.Cdr.‘Black’,105

Smythe,Fg.Off.G.,175,176,177

Spedding,Lt.Comdr.,165

Spencer,Wg.Cdr.,142

Squadrons–R.A.F.

No.9,205,206No.21,90,134No.29,153,158,206No.43,206No.56,206No.111,206,207,209,210,212No.464,90No.487,90

Strauss,Fg.Off.,70

StubbingtonHouse,56,57

Thetis,(submarine),27,28

Thomas,Nanny,8,9,10,11,12,13

Townsend,Peter,(Gp.Capt.),153,157

Treby,Leslie,155,156

Tuttle,Geoffrey,(laterAirMarshalSir),171

U.F.O.s,172,174,176,177,178,179,181,182,196,198,199,200,201

vonFriedeberg,General-Admiral,138

Wedgwood-Benn,Flt.Lt.Michael,99

WellingtonCollege,15,18,19,21,22,29,55,60,73,74,79,84,124,145,152

Charteris,24,117Chopping,23Harcourt,25Johnston,24Lee,Christopher,22The‘Hun’,21

West,(Innisfail),80

WestHartlepool,7,9,11,13

Wheeler,Gp.Capt.,(laterAirChiefMarshalSirNeil),170

Wilson,Harold,217

Winchester,(College),18,21

Winder,Nancy,125

Wings–R.A.F.No.140,90,91,123,135

Winterbottom,Lord,220

Wirdnam,Sqn.Ldr.,Dickie,212

Woods,Flt.Lt.,Trevor,99,117

Worral,AirVice-Marshal,211

Wykeham-Barnes,Gp.Capt.,(laterAirMarshalSirPeterWykeham),91