I Añfi A FHRSüI\;- T$#H*w t* rsiss ytrur *hild s* that It d*vel*pr bettsr

1. SHOW YOUR LOVE

Even when very young, your child understands emotions. lt understandsrejection, joy and sorrow. When you care$s your child, when you hug it,

it with love, when you speak to it in a tender tone of voice, it feels loved.security and confidence.That's why it is important to show your child that you iove it.

love andwhen you holdThis give* it

2, GO WITH THE CHILD'§ "FLOW''

Children learn by exploring, by seeking and trying new things. For this reason, thechild should not always be made to what one wants. lt is very important for itsdevelopment to allow it to also do the things that occur to it.Many times we prohibit things needlessly. Before saying, "NO!", ask yourself, "ls thererealty anything wrong with what he's doing?". *

Watch what your child does, and follow his lead. Try to understand what he wants todo, and help him to do it.

" Ihís was added because of the strong tendency in this cu¡turr to prohibit and control, specially to forbidautomatically any action the child may take on tzis own initiative; evarything tends to elicií a "NO".

3. COMMUNICATE, WITH WORD§ AND WITHOUT WORDS.

Children love to be talked to, even long befora they themselves can talk. From the timeof its birth, you ffin communicate with your child by means of looks, smiles, gesturesand sounds, as well as with words. Talk to your child in a positive way about what youdo together, or about what it does or looks at. You will see that this encourages it toanswer with gestures and sounds. Then you respond to the child's expressions.

The important thing ¡s to take turns, so that you have a "conversation".

It is in this way that the child learns to fr:rm wrrds, and to love the people around it.Talk to your little one - he understands yor"rl

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4. RECOGNIZE WHAT YOUR CHILO.DOE§ WELL

Point out what he did well, and explain why it wa§ goodAll children feel happy when other people show esteem for them and value theiraccomplishments. This is hovrr a child leams that it has worth as a person and iscapable of doing things well. This willencourage it to continue develqpinq,its abilities.

That's vuhy it's imporknt to praiee your childfor his agqqmptishments- and for lrVinO to dothings,

Small children need help to focus on things in detail. You can direct your child'sattention towards things in the surroundings, saying, "Look at this", and pointing them

out.

Show interest! This way, the child will also focus on them, and pay attention.

Look for an object, a person, an animal, something interesting to talk to your child

about, Or calihis attention to sounds, to odors, or to tactile sensations (like cold orwet, for example). lt's also important to notice the things that interest your child, and

share his interest,

The main thing is for your and your child to focus your attention on the same thing'

6. EXPLAIN WHAT IT IS, AND WHAT ITS LIKE *

The small child does not understand directly the world around him. He learns from the

conversation and the reactions of older persons.For this reason it's not enough to simply point things out to your child. One must also

explain them, saying what they are and how they are. Name them severaltime, and

talk to him about their shape, color and size, for example.It's important to share experiences with your child, and to show interest and enthusiasm.When you do this, the experiences acquire more meaning for the child, and will be

remembered by him as something significant.

* Thesense of this titte is "Exptain and Describe", but the word 'describe" is not in everyday use among

our mothers, and caused confusion.

7. EXPAND

It's important to talk a lot to your child, expanding on what you see and experiencetogether.

Compare this experience with others he may have had. For example,chickens at grandmother's, too, remember?

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Depending on the child's ag§, one may point out differences and similsrities:, grandmothefs chickens ars biggen.."

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All this helps the child associate what is happening now, with past or future occurrences;or what it experiencee here, with something similar it experienced elsewhere. This isessential for the development of its inlplligenqe .

§ongs, stories and games are also usefulfor expanding. They enrich the child'sexperience and stimulate its imagination. And this is how creativity is developed.

Perhaps you know a children's song related to the topic, or a traditional folk-tale. Ormake up a story appropriate for the situation. lf you are creative, your child will be, too .

* Lasf two paragraphs 0ased on #10 of the original "TWELVERULES" and onlVírcleffe§ workshop(QaÍi, Nov.,95). This concepf has proved to be bath navel and attractive to aur parlícipanls, wñosecultural patrimony has been senously diluted and for whom yalidation of the ludic as a legitimate vehiclefor leaming and communicaüon hag pnved to be an impoftant affirmation.

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Children need help to plan their actions. This is leamed when you explain the correctway to do things, planning actiona and talking to your child about each step to bef*llow*d.

Help him pay attention to what he is doing, to keep his goal in mind and to organize whathe needs. You can help him find solutions by asking questions, such as "¿What doyou want to do? " and "¿How can you do it ?".

It's important to be patient and not rush the child. Teach him to do things step by step.This way he will learn to organize his ideas and his actions.

* Ihis recommendation and the fotlowíng, "Daing Ihings Alone" are deived fram # t I of the original"Twélve Rules", 'Help Your Child to Plan his Behaviar". t4la separafed the cancept$ of "Planning" fromtha clasely re/afed "Doing lñings Alane" because neilher are cpfifion practices here, and seem forequira a lot of axtra explanation. Ihis breakdown proved very useful in hetping mofñers understand.

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For hip proper development, your child rryants and needs to learn to do things by himself.It is iffportant fér ybu ta guide him and help him, but without'takili§ ovÉr. :

lnstead of doing things for him, help him to resolve problems for himsef, by giving hint*and ásking qubstions. "is there another way to do it ?" or .Wtrat'happen§ if you do it likethis?"

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Offer guidance appropriate for the child's age. When he tries something for the firsttime, show him how to do it so that he rnay then repeat it. Another way to support himis to prepare whatever is necessary for him to be able to it - alone .

" Like "planning", independent actton for chitdren is not a comman cancept here. If is nof uncammon inthis culture to find a five year*ld who cannot dress l¡¡mseif The concept of the child'* incipientautonomy conflicts with the protective, caregiving image of motherhood. Forthis reason if was hetpfult* *mphasize it.

10" GUINE IN A PܧITIVH MAHNER *

ln order for your child to learn to control his behavior, it is necessary to guide him inpositive manner. When you correct your child, explain why he shouldn't do a certainthing. lnstead of just saying "Don't do that !", suggest some other activity that he likesand whích is harmless.

lfs a good idea to have clear, simple norms for correct behavior, to be respected by allmembers of the family. These norms should be applied firmly and pleasantly. Thisway the child will understand what you expect of him : what he is and is not permittedto do. This gives him emotional security.

And at the same time, the child learns to control his own behavior, himself" :

" The last recommendatian ls 0ased on RUIE # 7 and Guideline # 8, and it has been one of the mostsignificant suggesfions for parents, and one of tha most diffrcult to grasp, in a society where it is deeplyingrained to correct children in an authoritarian, disciplinarian manner, often physically harsh, whichplaces many limits and seldom say "yes" or offers alternatives. Many mothers evaluate ffiemse/veslowesf on this po¡nt, orl the Liked scale.

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Remember that tlre most important learning.occur§.at home in the daily routine' while

;;; J;Ñ clean house, go ior a walk, or play together'

A* these moments provide opportunities to herp your chird learn, to help him understand

better the world around him and to *-tr*ngtt en'the bonds of affection between you' lf

yor"r take advantage of them, every fi;i¡r; can become a wonder{ul opportunity for

learning.

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This bookletwae prepared'as part,of a pilot proisct conducted jointly by the hmano;drFoundation f Colombia and the Hatlonal illinietry of Health, in the ruralaraas of thenrunicipality of Jamundí, Valle del Cauca, Colombia. lt is based on the booklet titted'*Twelve Rules of lnteractiontr, written by Frofestor Ksrcbn Hundeide of theUniversity of Oslo for the Intemational Ghlld lkvelopm*nt Program (ICDP]. Theoriginal texts weré translated and adapted, and nerr illustrations seatad, in order tomake the material more culturally suited to our Ctlombian context,

wElñll§Hl9,rryA**t,,,,,,;.,, i i ;,.i,,Dr. Leonardo ftlantilla of the Colombian Ministry of Health, and Nicoletta Armstrongof the ICDP, for eupporting and ac@mpanying the Pilot Proiect.

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The §onvenio Colombol Holandlha, p.rt etporl*tsclrniento de la AtenslónPrimaria de la §alud, for its partial sponsr§hip of the Project.

The iiadrec FAññ|, paruprofessionae.*tt a'GoüomHan ln*tltute cf Family tñletfare

{ICBF}, Jamundl Zone Center, üho aontrihutedlheir ldeas during thepreparation andfieH tásting of this matarial, end committed themselves wholeheartedly to carrying its

rne§$age to their local mmmunities.':: I i-t:.. t:.

The rnotherc who participated ln the'Pllot Prolec{ br their suggesfiiurs r€lati,i$ tothe booklet, for their willingness to leam, and for iheir anxiou§nes§ to offer a betterlib to theird¡ildren. Together with them we found'that it is indeed possible, a§ onemother put it, to " LEARN TO LOVE MORE. "

PROI}UCTIOI{ TEAM;

Marí¡ Eugenla Echeverry, Psycftologistñodrlgo Pop¿, §ociologistKatherlne §earlq Non4ormal Education $pecialist

Jamundi {Valle}, Colombia 1S96

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