Task 2 – improving a bad example of a recount

Below is a ‘bad’ example of a Y6 recount. There are several issues that stop it from meeting Y6 expectations.

Using the list of Y6 features on the next page: analyse, mark and edit the text – to make it in line with the Y6 standards and expectations.

The Best Holiday…Ever!

My family and I set off on our journey to Blackpool. We were visiting my Auntie Sue and Uncle Paul. They had had a baby.

At the end of their visit they all went home and lived happily ever after. Back to the beginning of the story…

It was a dark, stormy, atmospheric morning in the middle of a storm of bustling wind and torrential rain when we stopped at the service station. Mum said we could choose whatever we wanted for lunch I went for ham egg and chips the journey was long but I had fun in the back of the car telling jokes to my brother. We arrived at the house just before 1pm and I felt like I could burst with excitement and I remembered that I was about to meet baby Eva for the first time and I jumped out of the car and rang the doorbell three times and I was the first to have a cuddle with Eva and she felt so tiny and warm and she didn’t do much but she was very cute and after meeting Eva, we had to unpack. Uncle Paul told us that he’d booked a table at a new seafood restaurant on the sea front. I am having fish and chips and they are the best I’ve ever tasted. The next day, Mum

and Dad took us to the beach we paddled in the chilly sea, built a few sandcastles, ate chocolate ice cream and buried Mum’s legs in the sand so that she couldn’t move back at the house, they all fell asleep watching a DVD.

The day before they returned home, it was Eva’s christening. Before they left the house, the Dad explained to the son, “A christening is a very important religious occasion for Christians.”

The church was very old and music played as we went inside. Eva wore a beautiful white dress as it was her special day. Everyone else dressed up for the occasion too… Dad even wore a tie! Baby Eva cried really loudly when the vicar poured water over her head but Uncle Paul managed to calm her down although I think I cheered her up by pulling funny faces. After church, we all went back to Auntie Sue and Uncle Paul’s

Task 2 support:

Below are the key features you will need to help you assess what needs to be improved in this text.

Key recount features:

• Overall structure– needs to be logical, sequenced, paragraphed.

• Cohesion–do the language choices, links and tone reflect the topic/genre of

writing?

• Basic skills– spelling, punctuation and grammar.

• You need to use the past tense/first person because it has already happened

to you. Eg "It was the biggest fish I had ever seen!"

• Write events in the order in which they happened. This is called

chronological order. Use adverbs such as: firstly, next, then and finally.

General Y6 features of writing

Task 3 – commas

Guidance

Task

Task 3 – answers

Task 4

Task: continue the story from this opening paragraph.

The shell-pink walls were bathed in a pale, crisp light. Gazing out of her bedroom

window, Erica savoured the morning sun: a bright, crisp blue sky with streaks of

sunlight cascading through the fluffy clouds. Living opposite a graveyard didn’t

bother her; Veronica, on the other hand, had her bedroom curtains drawn. “E-ric-

a … Ver-on-i-ca!” a booming voice shuddered from below the floorboards.

Downstairs, the twins’ dad called again, “C’mon, I need your help guys!”

Both tumbled downstairs, Veronica still madly messaging a friend about her

‘Music.ly’ performance, Erica wondering about what could be so urgent that Dad

would be calling so frantically.

Task 4 support: example of a text where a small amount of speech can move the

action on and support further description

Ruin – an action story opening and build-up

A cacophony of crickets resounded the start of another bleak morning over

what was left of the city. On the horizon, they stood, looming over the barren

landscape. Once, they had represented the supremacy of the thriving city; now,

these crumbling concrete sentinels were barely standing – and those that were had

been infested with foliage that had risen to reclaim what was left of the human

world.

‘Back to nature, I guess,’ he scoffed, peeling artificial muscles, tendons and skin

over his aluminium fingers as he stared at the derelict skyscrapers with curious

intensity.

In the distance, he could see a winding highway – or what was left of one.

Ravaged by time, the discoloured surface of the tarmac was now almost enclosed

by vines and roots. He would have to find another way to Haven.

Task 5 – booklet

Year 6 Punctuation: Semicolons, Colons and Dashes

Learning From Home Activity Booklet

Statutory Requirements

Activity Sheet Page Number

Pupils should be introduced to the use of the semicolon, colon and dash to mark the boundary between independent clauses (for example, ‘It’s raining; I’m fed up!’).

Colin Colon 2

Adding a Semicolon 3

Daisy’s Dash Challenge 4

Punctuation Pursuit 5

Describe the Scene 6-7

A Parent’s Guide to Terminology

8

A note to parents: This booklet is designed to support and reinforce work done in school on colons, semicolons and dashes. If you would first like to review this terminology before completing this booklet, please see the PowerPoint in the following resource on the Twinkl website:

http://www.twinkl.co.uk/resource/tp2-e-011-new-planit-y6-spag-lesson-pack-semi-colons- colons-and-dashes

Colin Colon Year 6 Punctuation: Semicolons, Colons and Dashes

Colon Colin loves to use colons (:) in his sentences as he knows these will impress his teacher. He has set a challenge for you below. You must join together the two independent clauses that match best and then join them together using a colon.

Colin’s Tip: When using colons, the first clause is usually a descriptive clause. Then, the next clause gives more information about the first clause.

Challenge: Now write out each of the sentences in full below. Remember to add the colon (:) in the correct place between the two independent clauses.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

The waves crashed violently against the shore it had whipped up a frenzy of sea foam.

The volcano was dangerous it had erupted many times before.

Heavily my eyelids began to close it was time to go to bed.

Sloths are extremely slow they take hours to cross the smallest of distances.

Medusa was an appalling monster she killed people by turning them to stone.

Adding a Semicolon Year 6 Punctuation: Semicolons, Colons and Dashes

Each sentence below contains a pair of closely related independent clauses that have been joined with a conjunction. However, because they are closely related, they can be linked together with a semicolon (;). Rewrite each sentence below, replacing the conjunction with a semicolon.

1. The boys were very excited because they were going bowling.

2. On a hillside, the goats bleated loudly and the valley echoed with the sound.

3. Jemima was feeling sad because her best friend had moved to another town.

4. John raced through the gates when he was running late for school.

5. Long shadows emerged through the streets as the sun was slowly setting.

6. The dog barked at his owner because he wanted to go for a walk.

7. In the supermarket, there was a long queue at the checkout because all the other tills were

closed.

Daisy’s Dash Challenge Year 6 Punctuation: Semicolons, Colons and Dashes

Daisy has written some sentences below. However, she isn’t sure where to include dashes (-). Please rewrite the sentences below, adding the dashes in the correct places.

Tip: Dashes can also be used to separate two independent clauses (like colons and semicolons) but they are often used in less formal writing. They can also be used to add extra information like brackets or commas to mark parenthesis or an embedded relative clause.

1. Dogs are very cute and cuddly I think they’re my favourite animal.

2. My friend Will who is extremely good at sports has been chosen for team captain.

3. Greed, jealousy, ambition which of these was Macbeth’s worst trait?

4. Amaan didn’t like spicy food it always made her feel poorly!

5. The singer was captivating he had the audience in the palm of his hand.

6. Lethargically, the man rubbed his heavy eyes he hadn’t slept for two days.

Punctuation Pursuit Year 6 Punctuation: Semicolons, Colons and Dashes

In this booklet, you have practised using colons, semicolons and dashes. Now it’s time to find examples of each type of punctuation in your favourite reading books. Try to find an example of each style of punctuation in a book of your own. To show your understanding of punctuation, try to explain how it has been used in each sentence. For example:

Example: These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message: you are not alone.

Explanation: The writer has used a colon as the second clause gives more information about the first clause.

1. Colon

Example:

Explanation:

2. Semicolon

Example:

Explanation:

3. Dash

Example:

Explanation:

Describe the Scene Year 6 Punctuation: Semicolons, Colons and Dashes

Look at the image above of a winning cyclist scene. Try and write a range of sentences about this picture that include colons, semicolons and dashes. For example:

The cyclist was elated; he held his arms aloft in celebration.

Motivational words echoed in his head: I’ll never give up!

Peter – the cyclist wearing the yellow jersey– had dropped back into fourth place.

Use the following page to write your own sentences about the picture. You could even write a short description about the scene but remember to include the punctuation you have been practising throughout this booklet.

Describe the Scene Year 6 Punctuation: Semicolons, Colons and Dashes

A Parent’s Guide to Terminology

In the Year 6 National Curriculum, children are introduced to the terms colon, semicolon and dash and are

taught how to use them within writing. These are sometimes tricky to learn as they can often be used

interchangeably, which often confuses children. Use this booklet to help reinforce your child’s understanding of

the terms.

Colons

Colons have two uses: they can be used to introduce a list or they can expand a sentence by linking independent

clauses together. Within this booklet, we have practised using colons for expansion, e.g.

The show was a success: it had over two million viewers.

Semicolons

Semicolons have two uses too. They can be used to link two closely related clauses in a sentence (they can often

be used in place of a conjunction) and to organise information in a complicated list. Within this booklet, we have

practised using semicolons to link closely related clauses, e.g.

Lola was feeling nervous; this was her first dance competition.

Dashes

Dashes can be used to separate or connect two independent clauses and are often in less formal writing. They

can also be used to add extra information within a sentence (parenthesis).

To join clauses: Chimpanzees are hilarious – they’re my favourite animal!

To add additional information: Chimpanzees – a type of primate – are native to Africa.

Year 6 Grammar: Semicolons, Colons and Dashes Answers

page 2. Colin Colon.

1. The waves crashed violently against the shore: it had whipped up a frenzy of sea foam.

2. The volcano was dangerous: it had erupted many times before.

3. Heavily my eyelids began to close: it was time to go to bed.

4. Sloths are extremely slow: they take hours to cross the smallest of distances.

5. Medusa was an appalling monster: she killed people by turning them to stone.

page 3. Adding a Semicolon.

1. The boys were very excited because they were going bowling. The boys were very excited; they were going bowling.

2. On a hillside, the goats bleated loudly and the valley echoed with the sound. On a hillside, the goats bleated loudly; the valley echoed with the sound.

3. Jemima was feeling sad because her best friend had moved to another town. Jemima was feeling sad; her best friend had moved to another town.

4. John raced through the gates when he was running late for school. John raced through the gates; he was running late for school.

5. Long shadows emerged through the streets as the sun was slowly setting. Long shadows emerged through the streets; the sun was slowly setting.

6. The dog barked at his owner because he wanted to go for a walk. The dog barked at his owner; he wanted to go for a walk.

7. In the supermarket, there was a long queue at the checkout because all the other tills were closed.

In the supermarket, there was a long queue at the checkout; all the other tills were

closed.

Year 6 Grammar: Semicolons, Colons and Dashes Answers

page 4. Daisy’s Dash Challenge.

1. Dogs are very cute and cuddly I think they’re my favourite animal.

Dogs are very cute and cuddly – I think they’re my favourite animal.

2. My friend Will who is extremely good at sports has been chosen for team captain.

My friend Will - who is extremely good at sports

- has been chosen for team captain.

3. Greed, jealousy, ambition which of these was Macbeth’s worst trait? Greed, jealousy, ambition - which of these was Macbeth’s worst trait?

4. Amaan didn’t like spicy food it always made her feel poorly Amaan didn’t like spicy food - it always made her feel poorly!

5. The singer was captivating he had the audience in the palm of his hand. The singer was captivating - he had the audience in the palm of his hand.

6. Lethargically, the man rubbed his heavy eyes he hadn’t slept for two days. Lethargically, the man rubbed his heavy eyes - he hadn’t slept for two days.