AcclaimforJonKrakauer’s

WHEREMENWINGLORY

“The first deeply reported book about Tillman by a first-ratejournalist.”

—SanFranciscoChronicle

“ArivetingexaminationofanotherAmericanidealist’sstartlingpathandhauntingdeath.”

—TheDailyBeast

“ThecombinationofKrakauerandTillmanseemshard to resist….Krakauerisamasterlywriterandreporter….[He]skillfullysketchesTillman’ssingularpersonality.”

—TheNewYorkTimesBookReview

“Jon Krakauer has done his job well…. He has made [Tillman’sstory] compelling and passionate…. The man who emerges is aniconoclastwho is comfortablewith challenging the status quo buthardlyanangel.”

—TheDenverPost

“Krakauer brilliantly turns investigative reporter…. [A]wrenchingaccountofthelifeanddeathofNFLstarPatTillman.”

—People(fourstars)

“It’stoughtothinkofabettermatchthanJonKrakauer…andthestoryofPatTillman.”

—Men’sJournal

“[A] riveting book…. No mere hagiography, this is investigative

reportingatitsbest.”—TheVillageVoice(ABestBookoftheYear)

“Compelling…. [An] exceptional life…. The definitive version ofeventssurroundingTillman’sdeath.”

—LosAngelesTimes

“Jon Krakauer seeks out what people like to call Americancharacters. Independent … guided by something powerful andbeautiful…. [Tillman]was fearless and possessed of a remarkablesenseofjusticefromthetimehewasborn.”

—GQ

“Tillmanrevealshimselftobeanintelligent,inquisitive,principled,and tolerant young man with a zest for life…. [His story] isrenderedwithalarmingclarityandchillingdetails.”

—TheBostonGlobe

“I read—devoured, actually—the Jon Krakauer book about PatTillman….[Tillman]isatruealphamale,naturallypullinginothersto followhis leadas ifdrawnbymagnetic force.Hewas intenselycurious, always challenging the status quo and interested ineveryone…. Perhaps we can look to Pat Tillman for an enduringresolution to leave our comfort zones and step up whenopportunitiesarise.”

—AndrewBrandt,TheHuffingtonPost

“A page-turning narrative…. Krakauer has found his mostfascinatingcharactertodate.”

—LincolnJournal-Star

“The account of Tillman’s final hours is harrowing, and, at times,grisly.Butitalsoresonateswithwhatseemstobetheunmistakableringoftruth.”

—ThePhiladelphiaInquirer

“[Krakauer]isthoroughlyathomewhenitcomestowritingaboutelusive alpha males and the chances they choose to take inforbiddingterritory….Heart-rending.”

—LouisvilleCourier-Journal

“TheTillmanwhoemergesfromKrakauer’saccountisadisciplined,ferociously inquisitive skeptic…. Krakauer has performed animportantservice.”

—TheDetroitFreePress

“Pat Tillman is just the kind of tough, smart, off-the societal-gridkind of character to attract Krakauer…. [A] deeply reported,fascinatingaccount.”

—TheBoulderDailyCamera

“Engagingstorytelling….Krakauerhasaknackforweavingingreatdetailwhilemovingthestoryalong….[He]stitch[es] togetherthesoldier’s complex persona, depicting the highly motivated athletewhothrivedonDavidvs.Goliathchallenges….RestoresthelatePatTillman’shumanity.”

—PittsburghPost-Gazette

“Krakauer seamlesslypieces together the interviews, the testimonyandthejournalstotellthestoryofanextraordinarymanfacedwithextraordinarycircumstances.”

—TheNewsSun(Chicago)

“Jon Krakauer has made a name for himself by writing aboutimpassionedindividualsandtheincrediblelengthstowhichtheygoinpursuitoftheirgoals….[He]confrontsamostperplexingsubjectinPatTillman,abright,highlyprincipledandcomplexman.”

—SanJoseMercuryNews

JONKRAKAUER

WHEREMENWINGLORY

JonKrakauer is theauthorofEigerDreams, Into theWild, IntoThinAir,andUndertheBannerofHeavenandistheeditoroftheModernLibraryExplorationseries.

ALSOBYJONKRAKAUER

EigerDreamsIntotheWildIntoThinAirUndertheBannerofHeaven

ThiseditionhasbeenupdatedtoreflectnewdevelopmentsandincludesnewmaterialobtainedthroughtheFreedomofInformationAct.

FIRSTANCHORBOOKSEDITION,JULY2010

Copyright©2009,2010byJonathanR.Krakauer

Allrightsreserved.PublishedintheUnitedStatesbyAnchorBooks,adivisionofRandomHouse,Inc.,NewYork,andinCanadabyRandomHouseofCanadaLimited,Toronto.Originally

publishedinhardcoverinslightlydifferentformintheUnitedStatesbyDoubleday,adivisionofRandomHouse,Inc.,NewYork,in2009.

AnchorBooksandcolophonareregisteredtrademarksofRandomHouse,Inc.

TITLEPAGEPHOTO:LookingdownatthePakistanifirebaseknownastheGrayCastlefromtheAfghansideoftheborder,nearForwardOperatingBaseTillman.PhotobyJonKrakauer.

TheLibraryofCongresshascataloguedtheDoubledayeditionasfollows:Krakauer,Jon.

Wheremenwinglory:theodysseyofPatTillman/JonKrakauer.—1sted.p.cm.

1.Tillman,Pat,1976-2004.2.Footballplayers—UnitedStates—Biography.3.Soldiers—UnitedStates—Biography.4.AfghanWar,2001—UnitedStates.

5.AfghanWar,2001—Casualties.I.Title.GV939.T49K732008796.332092—dc22

[B]2008023155

eISBN:978-0-385-52840-5

MapsbyMatthewEricson

www.anchorbooks.com

v3.1

v3.1

ForLinda;

and inmemoryofSergeantFirstClassJaredC.Monti,killed inactiononJune21,2006,nearGowardesh,Afghanistan

Whoamongmortalmenareyou, good friend?Sinceneverbeforehave Iseen you in the fighting where men win glory, yet now you have comestridingfaroutinfrontofallothersinyourgreatheart…

—HOMER,TheIliad

MAPS

SanFranciscoBayAreaAfghanistanIraqJessicaLynchConvoy,March23,2003BattleofNasiriyah,March23,2003MovementofTillman’sRangerPlatoon,April14–25,2004FirefightinTillmanPass,April22,2004FirefightinTillmanPass,WestEndofCanyon,April22,2004

Contents

CoverAbouttheAuthorOtherBooksbythisAuthorTitlePageCopyrightDedicationMapDramatisPersonaePrefacetotheAnchorEditionPrologue

PartOneChapterOneChapterTwoChapterThreeChapterFourChapterFiveChapterSixChapterSevenChapterEightChapterNineChapterTenChapterElevenChapterTwelveChapterThirteenChapterFourteenChapterFifteenChapterSixteenChapterSeventeen

PartTwoChapterEighteenChapterNineteenChapterTwentyChapterTwenty-One

ChapterTwenty-TwoChapterTwenty-ThreeChapterTwenty-FourChapterTwenty-FiveChapterTwenty-Six

PartThreeChapterTwenty-SevenChapterTwenty-EightChapterTwenty-NineChapterThirtyChapterThirty-One

PartFourChapterThirty-TwoChapterThirty-ThreeChapterThirty-FourChapterThirty-Five

PartFivePostscript

AcknowledgmentsNotesBibliography

DRAMATISPERSONAE

April22,2004

ConvoyfromMagarahtoMana,SperaDistrict,KhostProvince,Afghanistan

SecondPlatoon,AlphaCompany,SecondBattalion,Seventy-fifthRangerRegiment

SERIALONE

Vehicle1:Humvee(GMV)withMk19mountedontopturret

LieutenantDavidUthlaut,platoonleader,rightfrontseat

StaffSergeantMattWeeks,ThirdSquadleader,driver

SpecialistRyanMansfield,gunnerintopturret

SpecialistJadeLane,radiooperator,rightwaistseat

SpecialistDonaldLee,forwardobserver,leftwaistseat

PrivateFirstClassBryanO’Neal,M4rifleman,rearseat

SpecialistMark,84-millimeterCarlGustavgunner,leftrearseat

SpecialistJayLamell,assistantgunner,rightrearseatVehicle2:ToyotaHiluxKingCab

SpecialistBrandonFarmer,mechanic,driver

SpecialistKilpatrick,M4rifleman,rightfrontseat

SpecialistPatTillman,actingteamleader,SAWgunner,leftrearseatVehicle3:Up-armoredHumvee,nogunmountedontopturret

SergeantMelWard,teamleader,driver

SpecialistWillAker,M4rifleman,rightfrontseat

SpecialistWillAker,M4rifleman,rightfrontseat

SpecialistJohnTafoya,rightwaistseat

SpecialistDouglasPing,leftwaistseatVehicle4:ToyotaHiluxKingCab

SergeantBradleyShepherd,teamleader,driver

SpecialistRussellBaer,SAWgunner,rightfrontseat

PrivateFirstClassJoseyBoatright,backseat

SpecialistJean-ClaudeSuhl,240Bravomachinegunner

SpecialistAlvinFudge,forwardobserverVehicle5:ToyotaHiluxKingCab

SayedFarhad,AfghanMilitiaForcessoldier

ThreeotherAfghanMilitiaForcessoldiers(namesunknown)

Vehicle6:ToyotaHiluxKingCab

ThreeAfghanMilitiaForcessoldiers(namesunknown)

SERIALTWO

Vehicle1:Afghanjingatruck,towingnonoperableHumvee

Afghandriver(nameunknown)

Jamal,Afghaninterpreter

SergeantFirstClassJeffreyJackson,SecondSquadleader

StaffSergeantJonathanOwens,weapons-squadleaderVehicle2:Humvee(GMV)with.50-caliberM2ontopturret,M240Bonrightrear

StaffSergeantGregBaker,FirstSquadleader,rightfrontseat

SergeantKellettSayre,M4rifleman,driver

SpecialistStephenAshpole,gunnerintopturret

SpecialistChadJohnson,M4/203riflemanandgrenadier,rightwaistseat

seat

SpecialistTrevorAlders,SAWgunner,leftwaistseat

SpecialistSteveElliott,240Bravomachinegunner,rightrearseatPrivateFirstClassJamesRoberts,M4/203riflemanandgrenadier,leftrearseat

Wallid,Afghaninterpreter,rearseatVehicle3:CargoHumvee

SpecialistStephenMcLendon,driver

SergeantFirstClassStevenWalter,mortarsplatoonsergeant,rightfrontseat

SpecialistMiltiadesHarrisonHoupis,sniper,leftrearseat

SpecialistJoshReeves,sniper,rightrearseatVehicle4:CargoHumvee

SergeantBradJacobson,mortarman,driver

MasterSergeantJohnHorney,rightfrontseat

CommandSergeantMajorAlfredBirch,regimentalsergeantmajor,rightrearseat

SpecialistDunabach,leftrearseatVehicle5:Humvee(GMV)withMk19mountedontopturret

SergeantJasonParsons,teamleader,driver

SergeantFirstClassEricGodec,platoonsergeant,rightfrontseat

SpecialistKevinTillman,gunnerintopturret

SpecialistPedroArreola,rightwaistseat

PrivateFirstClassKyleJones,leftwaistseat

SergeantJasonBailey,rearseat

PrivateFirstClassMarcDenton,rearseat

SpecialistJamesAnderson,medic,rearseat

PREFACETOTHEANCHOREDITION

ThissubstantiallyrevisededitionofWhereMenWinGloryincludesnewmaterialthatcaststhePatTillmantragedyinsharperrelief,andleaveslittledoubtaboutwhodirectedthecover-upofhisfratricide.To put these revisions in perspective, some background might be

helpful. I submitted the manuscript of the book’s first edition inFebruary 2009, a few weeks after Barack Obama became president.Shortly before the bookwas sent to the printer, and too late tomakechanges,IlearnedimportantnewdetailsabouttheArmy’scampaigntoconceal thecauseofTillman’sdeath fromhis familyandtheAmericanpublic. Following publication of the first edition in September 2009, Idiscoveredadditionalevidenceofdeceitbyhigh-rankingArmyofficers.Some of these previously undisclosed facts were unearthed throughmultipleFreedomofInformationActrequests;otherpiecesofthepuzzlewere inadvertently divulged when General Stanley McChrystal wasobligatedtotestifybeforetheSenateArmedServicesCommitteeinJune2009,followinghisnominationbyPresidentObamatocommandNATOandAmericanforcesinAfghanistan.Whenconsideredasawhole, thewrongdoingdescribed in thepages

thatfollowisdeeplydisturbing,innosmallpartbecauseoneofthemostculpable malfeasants turns out to be an exalted military leader who’sbeenshieldedfromaccountabilityorpunishmentforthepastsixyears.

JonKrakauerApril2010

PROLOGUE

If DavidUthlautwas still angrywhen the convoy finally rolled out ofMagarah, Afghanistan, the young lieutenant kept his emotions hiddenfromtheforty-fourArmyRangersunderhiscommand.Certainlyhehadreason tobe steamed.For theprevious sixhourshisplatoonhadbeenstopped in the middle of Taliban territory while he argued withheadquarters over what to do about a wrecked Humvee. When thediscussion finally concluded, Uthlaut was on the losing end of thedebate, and he was ordered to complete a series of problematic tasksbeforenightfall—eventhoughtherewasn’tnearlyenoughtimetomeetthedeadlinewithouttakingdangerouschances.ThedatewasApril22,2004.ForeightstraightdaysUthlautandhis

men had been combing the rough backcountry of Khost Province forTaliban insurgents.TheRangershad slept in themud,been soakedbyfreezing rain, humped up and down towering escarpments withinadequate rations. At one point they got so hungry that one of theplatoon’smachine gunners had resorted to rooting in a garbage dumpfor edible morsels. But none of these tribulations had kept the eliteSpecialOperationsunitfromexecutingitsmission.At 11:30 that morning, however, the gnarly terrain delivered a

terminal blow to one of the platoon’s eleven vehicles, bringing theRangers to ahalt inMagarah, a ramshacklehamletwhere theTalibanheld sway. Both of the Humvee’s tie-rods had broken off, leaving itsfront wheels flopping uncontrollably in opposite directions. After theplatoonmechanicdeterminedthatrepairingthedamageinthefieldwasimpossible,Uthlautradioedheadquarterstorequestthatahelicopterbedispatchedtohookaslingtothevehicleandairliftitbacktotheirbase,an operation considered routine for a CH-47 Chinook—a jet-powered,tandem-rotorbehemoththatbringstomindanimmensetitaniuminsect.EarlierinthedaytheRangershadobservedArmyChinookslumbering

purposefully across the sky, but headquarters told Uthlaut that nohelicopterwouldbeavailabletoextractthecrippledHumveeforatleastninety-sixhours.With a sling-load operation ruled out, someone in the platoonsuggested they simply pull the .50-caliber machine gun from theHumvee’s turret, yank its radios, blow the damn thing up with C-4explosives so the Taliban couldn’t salvage it, and abandon thesmoldering wreckage where it lay. Uthlaut knew from a prior tour inAfghanistan,however, thatdestroyingavehicle, evena fubar* vehicle,was strictly forbidden without approval from the commander of theSeventy-fifth Ranger Regiment. Some other solution to the problemwouldberequired.At4:00p.m.headquartersprovidedone.Uthlautwasorderedtosplithisplatoonintotwoelements.HalfhisunitwasdirectedtoimmediatelybegintowingthedamagedHumveetowardtheonlypavedroadinallofKhost,whichlayonthefarsideofahighmassif.Concurrently,theotherhalf of the platoonwas supposed to proceed to a village calledMana,situated four roadlessmiles fromMagarah in theoppositedirection, tocomplete theday’smission: searcheverybuilding in thesettlement forcaches of enemy weapons. Word came down the chain of command,moreover,that“thisvehicleproblembetternotdelayusanymore.”Theplatoonleaderwasadmonishedtoquitwastingtimeand“putbootsontheground”inManabeforenightfall.Khost Province was the home turf of Jalaluddin Haqqani, a short,scrawnymanwith Coke-bottle eyeglasses and a beard like black steelwool that hung to his belly. Although his physical stature wasunimpressive,hewaslegendarythroughoutAfghanistanforhisbraveryand military acumen. Commander of Taliban forces in much of thecountry’s eastern region,Haqqaniwas one ofOsama bin Laden’smosttrusted associates. The enemy fighters the Rangers had been huntingwere part of the so-called Haqqani Network—a loose amalgam ofTalibanmilitias and tribal insurgents.Manawas the last village in thearea that the Rangers needed to search for Haqqani’s forces, andheadquarters was adamant that they clear it at the earliest possibleopportunityinordertoconformtoascheduleestablishedweeksearlierbydeskboundofficersatadistantbase.

Uthlaut and hismenwere no less eager than headquarters to finishtheirbusinessinMana,becauseassoonasitwascompletedtheycouldreturn to Forward Operating Base Salerno, where they’d be able toshower off the stink and grime, repair their battered vehicles, re-zerotheirweapons, and spendanight or twoonhonest-to-God cots beforeheadingbackoutside thewire.But theRangerson thegroundweren’tkeentotakeunnecessaryriskssimplytomeetanarbitrarybureaucratictimeline set by “fobbits”: officers who seldom ventured beyond thesecurityoftheforwardoperatingbase(theFOB,inmilitary-speak),andtherefore,fromthegrunts’perspective,hadnocluewhatitwasactuallyliketofightawarinthisunforgivingcountry.Uthlaut sent a series of e-mails that respectfully but vigorouslyregisteredobjections to theordershe’d received.The twenty-four-year-old platoon leader pointed out, among other shortcomings, that themountainous topography would make communication between thedivided elements problematic, and that embarking forManawith justhalfaplatoon,inhisview,“wasnotsafe.”OneofthemosthighlyregardedyoungofficersintheArmy,UthlauthadgraduatedatthetopofhisclassatWestPointasfirstcaptainoftheCorps of Cadets.When GeorgeW. Bush was sworn in as president in2001,Uthlautwas theguychosen to lead theArmy’sprocessiondownPennsylvaniaAvenueintheinauguralparade.Afterleavingtheacademyand becoming a platoon leader in the Second Ranger Battalion, hequicklyearnedtheadmirationoftheenlistedmenandnoncommissionedofficers who served under him. Uthlaut was a disciplined soldier whoseldomquestionedorders, andneverwithout a compelling reason.Buthis urgent requests to reconsider the directive to split the platoonelicitedthisbrusquereplyfromheadquarters:“Reconsiderdenied.”“NobodyonthegroundinMagarahthoughtitwasagoodideatosplitthe platoon,” recalls Specialist Jade Lane, who, as Uthlaut’s radiooperator, had been privy to the entire extended debate betweenheadquartersandtheplatoonleader.“ThePLdidn’twanttodoit.ButintheArmyyouobeyorders.Ifsomebodywithahigherranktellsyoutodosomething,youdoit.SoUthlautsplittheplatoon.”

LessthananhourofdaylightremainedbythetimeUthlauthadfinisheddividingtheplatoonintotwoelements.Afterplacinghimself inchargeof the element bound forMana (designated SerialOne, it consisted oftwo Humvees and four Toyota pickup trucks carrying twenty RangersandsevenAfghanMilitiaForces),hehurriedlyrolledoutofMagarahinthe lead Humvee at 6:00 p.m. Absent a road, Uthlaut’s convoy drovedown an intermittently dry riverbed, followed closely by the secondelement’s convoy, designated Serial Two. A few minutes outside thevillage they reached a fork in the wadi. Uthlaut’s convoy turneddownstream,totheleft.SerialTwo,towingthetrashedHumvee,turnedupstream,totheright.A British soldier named Francis Leeson, who battled a fierce tribal

insurgencyinthissameareainthelate1940s,wroteabookinwhichhecharacterized the terrain as “frontier hills [that] are difficult of accessandeasytodefend.Whenonespeaksofthemashills,rollingdownsonwhich tanks and cavalry can operate are not meant, but the worstmountain-warfare country imaginable—steep precipices [and] narrowwindingvalleys.”SixdecadesafterLeeson’stourofduty,thisremainsachillinglyaccuratedescriptionofthelandscapethatconfrontedUthlaut’sRangers.Halfamilewestofthejunctionwheretheconvoyshadseparatedand

gone in opposite directions, Serial One entered the mouth of aspectacularlynarrowcanyon. Itwas6:10p.m.,andthe lower flanksofthe gorge already lay in shadow. The afternoon’s warmth had beensupplantedbythechilloftheadvancingevening,promptingtheRangersto donGore-Tex jackets beneath their body armor. The air smelled ofsage,dust,andwoodsmokerisingfromcookingfiresinanearbyvillage.Ahead, the route snaked through a deep, crooked slot the river had

gouged into the bedrock of the surrounding mountains. In places thepassage was only a foot or two wider than the Humvees and wasconstrictedbyverticallimestonecliffsthatreducedtheskyoverheadtoapalebluestripe.Onlybysharplycraningtheirneckscouldthesoldiersseethecanyonrim.Upthereontheheights,farabovethegloomofthevalley floor, the otherwise barren slopes were dotted with gracefulChilgoza pines still washed with sunlight, their silver bark andviridescentneedlesglowinginthefleetingrays.

Themagnificenceof the settingwasnot loston theRangersas theirvehicles lurched over gravel berms and limestone ledges. This canyonwasthemostdramaticlandformthey’dseensincearrivinginKhost:thesort of geologic wonder one might encounter in Utah’s Zion NationalPark, or theMogollonRimof northernArizona.One soldier remarkedthat itwouldbe“anawesomeplace togo rockclimbing.”Butmostofthe Rangers were less interested in the natural splendors than in theunnaturalhazardsthatmightbelurkingsomewhereabovethem.Specialist Russell Baer was in the convoy’s fourth vehicle, a ToyotaHilux pickup. Turning to Sergeant Bradley Shepherd,whowas drivingthe truck,Baerdeclared,“This looks like thosemovies theyshowedusbeforewedeployed.Backinthe1980stheAfghansusedtoambushtheRussiansinplacesjustlikethis.Theyslaughteredtheminthesecanyonsfromabove.It’showtheywonthewar.”Shepherdponderedtheobviousimplications of this comment, nodded soberly, then pulled out hiscamera anddocumented their passage through the dirtywindshield ashedrove.For the next twenty minutes the convoy crept through theclaustrophobic rift, forcedby the severityof the terrain tomoveat anexcruciatinglyslowpace.TheslotwassotightthattheHumvees’fenderssometimesscrapedagainstitssheerwalls.TheRangersremainedtwitchyand anxious, expecting to be attacked from the high ground at anymoment. According to Private Bryan O’Neal, a rifleman, “The canyonwas very rough, there were large boulders everywhere, and the wallswereatleastahundredfeethighoneachside.Iactuallyhadtolayontop of the vehicle to be able to pull security”—the cliffs rose soprecipitouslythatO’Nealhadtolieflatonhisbackinordertoscanthecanyon’sledgesforTalibanthroughthescopeofhisM4carbine.*Aftertwentyminutes,Uthlaut’sHumveeemergedfromthewesternendoftheslot.Thevalleyopened,andthecanyonfloorbroadenedintoarelativelyflatgravelchannel somethirtyyardsacross.Cornandpoppiesgrewinterracedplotsofcultivatedearthonbothsidesofthewadi.Clusteredona dun-colored hillside just outside themouth of the narrows, eight orninemud-walledbuildingsstoodabovetheopiumfields.YoungPashtunboysinfilthyclothingranuptotheconvoyasitrolledby,wavingandlaughing.Thedangerofanambushappearedtohavepassed.

Amomentlater,aseriesofloudexplosionsechoedfromthenarrowsbehindthem.“Iturnedtowardwherewehadjustcomefrom,”saysBaer,“and all of a sudden it looked like Star Wars back there. Red tracerroundswere flyingupoutof the canyon, lightingup the sky.”Tracersarespecialbulletsmanufacturedwithapyrotechnicchargethat ignitesas each projectile exits the barrel of a weapon, making the bullet’strajectory appear as a bright red streak, enabling the shooter tomoreeasilyadjusthisfiretowardtheintendedtarget.Everyfifthbulletloadedinto themachine guns used by American forces in Afghanistan was atracerround;theTalibaninthatareadidn’tusetracerammunition.Baerunderstoodinstantly,therefore,thattheredstreaksflashingthroughthecanyon’s shadows were bullets from American soldiers returning fireagainstanenemyambush.“Iknewitwasourguysgettinghit,”hesays.“Itwastheotherhalfoftheplatoon.”The platoon’s other element, Serial Two, was supposed to be miles

away by then, towing the derelict Humvee in the opposite direction.Uthlaut and his men had no idea why Serial Two would impulsivelyreversecourseandfollowthem,butapparentlytheircounterpartsintheother element had done precisely that, and were now caught in themiddleofwhatlookedandsoundedlikeanintensefirefighthalfamileaway.SerialOneskiddedtoahaltandthesoldiersjumpedoutoftheirtrucks

andHumvees.Theelement’shighest-rankingRangerunderUthlautwasa self-possessed staff sergeant named Matthew Weeks who had beenawardedaBronzeStarforhisvalorousactionsduringafirefightinIraqthepreviousyear.Heassignedahalf-dozensoldierstostaywiththesixvehicles and then ordered most of the rest to move with him up thenorthslopeofthecanyontowardtheclusterofmudbuildingsthey’djustdrivenbeneath.WeeksinformedUthlaut,“I’mgoingtotrytopushpastthevillageand see if I canoverwatch [SerialTwo’s]movementoutoftheambushzone,”explainingthathissquadwouldmovenofartherthanabrowofhighgroundabovethesettlement.A Ranger platoon is typically organized into three squads, each

consisting of two “fire teams” of six or fewermen.WhenUthlautwasforcedtohastilydividehisplatoonbackinMagarah,heputThirdSquad(commandedbyWeeks)inSerialOneandassignedthebulkofFirstand

SecondsquadstoSerialTwo.Becausethetwoconvoysneededtobeofmoreor lessequalsize,however,UthlautpulledtwomenfromSecondSquad and added them to SerialOne. These two soldierswere PrivateO’Neal,ababy-facedeighteen-year-oldwhowas theyoungest,greenestmemberoftheentireunit;andSpecialistPatrickTillman,theleaderofO’Neal’sfireteam.Tillman—twenty-seven years old, previously employed as a strong

safety in the National Football League—was unquestionably the mostfamousenlistedmaninAfghanistan.WhentheWorldTradeCentercamecrashingtoearthonSeptember11,2001,hehadbeenastarplayerwiththe Arizona Cardinals, renowned for patrolling the defensive backfieldwithrivetingintensity.ButTillmancamefromafamilywithatraditionofmilitary service thatwentbackseveralgenerations,andhebelievedthatasanable-bodiedAmericanhehadamoralobligationtoservehiscountryduringatimeofwar.Hedidn’tthinkheshouldbeexemptfromhisdutyasacitizensimplybecauseheplayedprofessional football.Soafterthe2001NFLseasonhewalkedawayfroma$3.6millioncontractand volunteered to spend the next three years of his life as aninfantryman in the U.S. Army. His brother Kevin, fourteen monthsyounger thanPat,hadenlistedat thesametimeandwasamemberofUthlaut’splatoonaswell.When theplatoonwas split inMagarah,Kevinhadbeenassigned to

SerialTwo.Now,asPatlistenedtotheexplodingmortarshellsandthepop-pop-pop-popof rifle fire,hewashyperaware thathis littlebrotherwas somewhereback in the confinesof the canyongettinghammered.ThemomentSergeantWeeksdirectedtheRangers tomoveupthehill,Tillman sprang into action. “Patwas like a freight train,” says PrivateJosey Boatright, recalling how Tillman sprinted past him. “Whoosh. Apitbullstrainingagainsthisleash.Hetookofftowardthehighground,yelling,‘O’Neal!Onme!O’Neal!Stayonme!’”AccordingtoO’Neal,Pat toldhim,“ ‘Let’sgohelpourboys,’andhe

startedmoving.Andwhereverhewent,Iwent.”Therouteto thevillageascendedasteepgully, thebottomofwhich

was six thousand feet above sea level. Between his weapons, bodyarmor, night-vision optics, CamelBak water bladders, grenades, andextraammunition,eachRangerwascarryingmorethansixtypoundsof

dead weight. Thus burdened, within seconds of leaving the vehicles,everyone was gasping for air, but the sounds of the nearby battle—moving noticeably closer by the minute—kept the Rangers pushingupward despite the pain.When they reached the village, the Rangersperformed a “hasty clear,” passing quickly through the settlementwithoutpausingtosearchinsideanyofthebuildings,andthenhurriedtowardthecrestofaspurthatroseabovethevillage.Tillmanwasamongthefirsttoarriveatopthespur,whichwasdevoidoftreesorothercover.Afterpausingforafewsecondstoassessthelayoftheland,hecontinuedoverthecrestandscurrieddowntheothersidetoapairof lowboulders,accompaniedbyO’Nealanda twenty-seven-year-oldAfghansoldiernamedSayedFarhad.Theserocksaffordedonlyminimal protection fromenemy fire but provided an excellent viewofthewadiwhereTillmanexpectedSerialTwotoemergefromthemouthofthegorge.Afewminuteslatertwovehiclescamespeedingoutofthecanyonandstoppedninetyyardsbeneaththeboulders.SeveralRangersclimbedoutofaHumveeandgazeduptowardTillmanandO’Neal,whowavedtolettheir buddies know they were up there and had them covered. ItappearedasthoughSerialTwohadescapedtheambushandeverythingwascopacetic.Andthen,withoutwarning,hundredsofbulletsbegantopulverizetheslopearoundTillman,O’Neal,andFarhad.

EversinceHomosapiensfirstcoalescedintotribes,warhasbeenpartofthe human condition. Inevitably, warring societies portray theircampaigns as virtuous struggles, and present their fallen warriors asheroeswhomadetheultimatesacrificeforanoblecause.Butdeathbyso-called friendly fire,which isan inescapableaspectofarmedconflictin the modern era, doesn’t conform to this mythic narrative. It stripsawaywar’sheroicveneertorevealwhatliesbeneath.It’sanunsettlingreminder that barbarism, senseless violence, and random death arecommonplace even in the most “just” and “honorable” of wars.Consequently,andunsurprisingly,whensoldiersaccidentallykilloneoftheir own, there is tremendous reluctance to confront the truthwithintheranksofthemilitary.Thereisanoverwhelminginclinationtokeep

the unsavory particulars hidden from public view, to pretend thecalamityneveroccurred.Thusithasalwaysbeen,andprobablyalwayswillbe.AsAeschylus,theillustriousGreektragedian,notedinthefifthcenturyB.C.,“Inwar,truthisthefirstcasualty.”When Pat Tillman was killed in Afghanistan, his Ranger regimentresponded with a chorus of prevarication and disavowal. A cynicalcover-upsanctionedat thehighest levelsofgovernment, followedbyaseriesof ineptofficial investigations, castacloudofbewildermentandshameoverthetragedy,compoundingtheheartbreakofTillman’sdeath.Amongtheseveralthousandpagesofdocumentsgeneratedbymilitaryinvestigators,somebafflingtestimonyemergedfromtheRangerwhoisbelieved tohave fired thebullets that endedTillman’s life. In a swornstatement, this soldier explained thatwhile shooting a ten-roundburstfrom his machine gun at the hillside where Tillman and O’Neal werepositioned, he “identified two sets of arms straight up” through thescopeofhisweapon.“Isawthearmswaving,”heacknowledged,“butIdidn’t think they were trying to signal a cease-fire.” So he pulled thetriggeragainandsprayedthemwithanotherten-roundburst.Howwasonesupposedtomakesenseofthis?Or this: in July 2007, the Associated Press published an articlereporting that the Navy pathologist who performed Tillman’s autopsytestifiedthattheforensicevidenceindicatedTillmanhadbeenshotthreetimes in theheadfromadistanceof thirty-five feetor less.ThearticlepromptedwidespreadspeculationontheInternetandinthemainstreampressthathehadbeendeliberatelymurdered.Manyotherdetailsaboutthefatalfirefightthatfoundtheirwayintothe public domain were similarly perplexing. Perhaps the greatestmystery,however,surroundednotthecircumstancesofTillman’sdeathbuttheessentialfactsofhislife.Beforeheenlisted,Tillmanwasfamiliarto sports aficionados as an undersized, overachieving football playerwhosevirtuosityinthedefensivebackfieldwasspellbinding.Butduringthe four years he spent in the NFL, Tillman played for the ArizonaCardinals—a mediocre small-market team that was seldom in thelimelight—so his namewasn’t widely recognized beyond the realm ofhard-corefootballfans.

Although itwasn’tTillman’s intention,whenhe left theCardinals tojoin theArmyhewas transformedovernight intoan iconofpost-9/11patriotism. Seizing the opportunity to capitalize on his celebrity, theBushadministrationendeavoredtousehisnameandimagetopromotewhatithadchristenedtheGlobalWaronTerror.Tillmanabhorredthisrole. As soon as he decided to enlist, he stopped talking to the pressaltogether, although his silence did nothing to squelch America’sfascinationwiththefootballstarwhotradedthebrightlightsandrichesoftheNFLforbootcampandabadhaircut.Followinghisdeathonthebattlefield, the public’s interest in Tillman shot through the roof. Theposthumous media frenzy shed little light on who he really was,however. The intricate mosaic of personal history that defined hisexistencewasobscuredbytheblizzardofhype.Unencumbered by biographical insight, people felt emboldened to

inventallmannerofpersonaeforTillmanafterhispassing.Mostoftheserenderingswerebasedonlittlemorethanrumorandfantasy.Theright-wingharridanAnnCoulter claimedhimas an exemplar ofRepublicanpolitical values. The left-wing editorial cartoonist Ted Rall denigratedhim in a four-panel comic strip as an “idiot”who joined the Army to“killArabs.”Neither Coulter nor Rall had any idea what motivated Pat Tillman.

Beyondhisfamilyandasmallcircleofclosefriends,fewpeopledid.

*Amilitary acronym dating fromWorldWar II that is frequently used in themodernArmy,“fubar”standsfor“fucked-upbeyondallrecognition.”

*TheM4isalighter,morecompactversionoftheVietnam-eraM16rifle.

PARTONE

Earlier timesmaynothaveunderstooditanybetter thanwedo,buttheyweren’tasembarrassedtonameit:thelifeforceorsparkthoughtclosetodivine.Itisnot.Instead,it’ssomethingthatmakesthosewhohaveitfullyhuman,andthosewhodon’tlooklikesleepwalkers….Itisn’tenoughtomakesomeoneheroic,butwithoutitanyherowillbeforgotten.Rousseaucalleditforceofsoul;Arendtcalleditloveoftheworld.It’sthefoundationoferos;youmaycallitcharisma.Isitagiftof the gods, or something that has to be earned? Watching suchpeople,youwillsensethatit’sboth:givenlikeperfectpitch,orgrace,thatnoonecandeserveorstrivefor,andcapturedlikethegreatestofprizes it is.Havingitmakespeoplethinkmore,seemore, feelmore.Moreintensely,morekeenly,moreloudlyifyoulike;butnotmoreinthewayofthegods.Onthecontrary,nexttoheroeslikeOdysseusandPenelope, the gods seem oddly flat. They are bigger, of course, andtheyliveforever,buttheirpresenceseemsdiminished….ThegodsofTheOdysseyaren’talive,justimmortal;andwithimmortalitymostofthe qualitieswe cherish become pointless.With nothing to risk, thegodsneednocourage.

—SUSANNEIMAN,MoralClarity

SANFRANCISCOBAYAREA

CHAPTERONE

DuringPatTillman’sstintintheArmyheintermittentlykeptadiary.InanentrydatedJuly28,2002—threeweeksafterhearrivedatbootcamp—hewrote,“Itisamazingtheturnsone’slifecantake.Majoreventsordecisions that completely change a life. In my life there have been anumber.”Hethencatalogedseveral.Foremostonhismindatthetime,predictably,washisdecisiontojointhemilitary.Buttheincidentheputat the top of the list, which occurred when he was eleven years old,comes as a surprise. “As odd as this sounds,” the journal revealed, “adivingcatchImadeinthe11–12all-starswasatake-offpoint.Iexcelledthe rest of the tournament andgained incredible confidence. It soundstackybutitwasbig.”As a child growing up inAlmaden, California (an upscale suburb of

SanJose),Pathadstartedplayingbaseballattheageofseven.Itquicklybecameapparenttotheadultswhowatchedhimthrowaballandswingabatthathepossessedextraordinarytalent,butPatseemsnottohavebeenparticularlycognizantofhisownathleticgiftsuntilhewasselectedfor the aforementioned all-star team in the summer of 1988. As thetournament against teams of other standoutmiddle-school athletes gotunderway,hemostlysatonthebench.WhenthecoacheventuallyputPat into a game, however, he clobbered a home run and made aspectacularcatchofa longflyballhit intotheoutfield.Fourteenyearslater,ashecontemplatedlifefromtheperspectiveofanArmybarracks,heregardedthatcatchasapivotalmoment—aconfidenceboosterthatcontributed significantly to one of his defining traits: unwavering self-assurance.In1990,PatmatriculatedatAlmaden’sLelandHighSchool,oneofthe

toppublicschoolsintheSanFranciscoBayArea,bothacademicallyandathletically. Before entering Leland he had resolved to become thecatcheron thevarsitybaseball team,but thehead coach,PaulUgenti,informed Pat that hewasn’t ready to play varsity baseball andwould

havetosettleforapositiononthefreshman-sophomoreteam.Irkedandperhaps insulted by Ugenti’s failure to recognize his potential, Patresolvedtoquitbaseballandfocusonfootballinstead,eventhoughhe’dtakenupthelattersportbarelyayearearlierandhadbadlyfracturedhisrighttibiainhisinitialseasonwhenamuchlargerteammatefellonhislegduringpractice.With a November birthday, Pat was among the youngest kids inLeland’s freshmanclass,andwhenhe startedhighschool,hewasonlythirteen years old.He also happened to be small for his age, standingfivefeetfiveinchestallandweighingjust120pounds.Whenheletitbeknownthathewasgoing toabandonbaseball for football,anassistantcoachnamedTerryHardtkeexplainedtoPatthathewasn’t“builtlikeafootball player” and strongly urged him to stick with baseball. OnceTillmansethissightsonagoal,however,hewasn’teasilydiverted.Hetold the coach he intended to start lifting weights to build up hismuscles. Then he assured Hardtke that not only would he make theLeland football team but he intended to play college football aftergraduating from high school. Hardtke replied that Pat was making ahugemistake—thathissizewouldmakeitdifficultforhimevertowinastarting position on the Leland team, and that he stood virtually nochanceofeverplayingcollegeball.Pat, however, trusted his own sense of his abilities over the coach’sbleakpredictions,andtriedoutfortheLelandfootballteamregardless.Sixyears laterhewouldbea star linebackerplaying in theRoseBowlfor a national collegiate championship. Twenty months after that hebeganadistinguishedcareerintheNationalFootballLeague.

Midway between San Jose and Oakland, the municipality of Fremontrises above the eastern shore of San Francisco Bay, a city of 240,000that’s always existed in the shadow of its flashier neighbors. This iswherePatrickDanielTillmanwasbornonNovember6, 1976.Not farfromthehospitalwherePatenteredtheworldisacommercialdistrictofpharmacies,chiropracticclinics,andfast-foodrestaurantsbisectedbyafour-lane thoroughfare. Along three or four blocks of this otherwiseunremarkablestretchofFremontBoulevard,onefindsaconcentrationof

incongruously exotic establishments: the Salang Pass Restaurant, anAfghan carpet store, a South Asian cinema, a shop selling Afghanclothing,theDeAfghananKabobHouse,theMaiwandMarket.Insidethelatter,theshelvesarestockedwithhummus,olives,pomegranateseeds,turmeric, bags of rice, and tins of grapeseed oil. A striking womanwearing a head scarf and an elaborately embroidered vest inlaidwithdozens of tinymirrors stands at a counter near the back of the store,waiting to buy slabs of freshly baked naan. Little Kabul, as thisneighborhoodisknown,happenstobethenexusofwhatispurportedlythehighestconcentrationofAfghansintheUnitedStates,acommunitymadefamousbythebest-sellingnovelTheKiteRunner.By loose estimate, some ten thousand Afghans reside in Fremontproper,withanotherfiftythousandscatteredacrosstherestof theBayArea. They started showing up in 1978,when their homeland eruptedinto violence that has yet to abate three decades later. The chaoswassparked by accelerating friction between political groups withinAfghanistan, but fuel for the conflagrationwas supplied in abundanceandwithgreatenthusiasmbythegovernmentsoftheUnitedStatesandtheSovietUnionaseachmaneuveredtogainadvantageintheColdWar.The Soviets had been lavishing billions of rubles in military andeconomicaidonAfghanistansince the1950s,andhadcultivatedclosetieswiththenation’sleaders.Despitethisinjectionofoutsidecapital,bythe1970sAfghanistanremainedatribalsociety,essentiallymedievalincharacter. Ninety percent of its seventeen million residents wereilliterate.Eighty-fivepercentofthepopulationlivedinthemountainous,largelyroadlesscountryside, subsistingas farmers,herders,ornomadictraders.Theoverwhelmingmajorityof these impoverished,uneducatedcountrydwellersanswerednottothecentralgovernmentinKabul,withwhich theyhad little contact and fromwhich they received almost notangibleassistance,butrathertolocalmullahsandtribalelders.ThankstoMoscow’screeping influence,however,adistinctlyMarxistbrandofmodernizationhadbeguntoestablishatoeholdinafewofthenation’slargestcities.Afghanistan’scozyrelationshipwith theSovietsoriginatedunder theleadership of PrimeMinisterMohammedDaoudKhan, a Pashtunwithfleshyjowlsandashavedheadwhowasappointedin1953byhiscousin

andbrother-in-law,KingMohammedZahirShah.TenyearslaterDaoudwas forced to resign from the government after launching a brief butdisastrous war against Pakistan. But in 1973 he reclaimed power bymeans of a nonviolent coup d’état, deposing King Zahir and declaringhimselfthefirstpresidentoftheRepublicofAfghanistan.A fervent subculture of Marxist intellectuals, professionals, and

studentshadby this time taken root inKabul, intentonbringing theircountry into the twentieth century, kicking and screaming if need be,and President Daoud—who dressed in hand-tailored Italian suits—supported this shift toward secular modernity as long as it didn’tthreaten his hold on power. Under Daoud, females were givenopportunities to be educated and join the professional workforce. Incities,womenstartedappearing inpublicwithoutburqasorevenheadscarves.Manyurbanmenexchanged their traditional shalwar kameezesforWesternbusinessattire.Thesesecularcitydwellersswelledtheranksof a Marxist political organization known as the People’s DemocraticPartyofAfghanistan,orPDPA.TheSovietswereDaoud’salliesinthepushtomodernizeAfghanistan,

at least initially.Aid fromMoscow continued to propup the economyandthemilitary,andunderanagreementsignedbyDaoud,everyofficerin the Afghan Army went to the Soviet Union to receive militarytraining. But he was walking a perilous political tightrope. WhilewelcomingSovietrubles,DaoudwasanimpassionedAfghannationalistwhohadnodesire tobecomeapuppetof theSovietpresident,LeonidBrezhnev. And although Daoud was committed to modernizing hisnation,hewantedtomoveatapaceslowenoughtoavoidprovokingtheIslamist mullahs who controlled the hinterlands. In the end, alas, hispoliciesplacatedfewandmanagedtoantagonizealmosteveryoneelse—most significantly the Soviets, the urban leftists, and the beardedfundamentalistsinthecountryside.Atthebeginningofhispresidency,Daoudhadpledgedtoreformthe

government and promote civil liberties. Very soon after taking office,however, he started cracking down hard on anyone who resisted hisedicts. Hundreds of rivals from all sides of the political divide werearrested and executed, ranging from antimodernist tribal elders in far-flung provinces to urban communists in the PDPAwho had originally

supportedDaoud’srisetopower.For millennia in Afghanistan, political expression has all too oftenbeen synonymous with mayhem. On April 19, 1978, a funeral for apopularcommunist leaderwhowasthoughttohavebeenmurderedonDaoud’sorders turned intoa seethingprotestmarch.Organizedby thePDPA,asmanyasthirtythousandAfghanstooktothestreetsofKabultoshow their contempt for President Daoud. In typical fashion, Daoudreacted to the demonstration with excessive force, which only furtherincited the protesters. Sensing amomentous shift in the political tide,mostunitsintheAfghanArmybrokewithDaoudandalliedthemselveswith the PDPA. On April 27, 1978, MiG-21 jets from the Afghan AirForcestrafedthePresidentialPalace,whereDaoudwasensconcedwitheighteenhundredmembersofhispersonalguard.Thatnight,oppositionforcesoverranthepalaceamidarainofbullets.Whenthesuncameupandthegunfirepeteredout,Daoudandhisentirefamilyweredead,andthe surrounding streets were strewn with the bodies of two thousandAfghans.The communist PDPA immediately assumedpower and renamed thenation the Democratic Republic of Afghanistan. Backed by the SovietUnion,thenewgovernmentmovedruthlesslytoestablishcontrolacrossthecountry.DuringthePDPA’sfirsttwentymonthsatthehelm,twenty-seventhousandpoliticaldissidentswereroundedup,transportedtotheinfamousPul-e-CharkhiprisonontheoutskirtsofKabul,andsummarilyexecuted.By this point the violence had instigated a wholesale exodus ofAfghanstoforeignlands.BecausethosetargetedforeliminationbythePDPA tended to be influential mullahs or members of the intellectualand professional classes, many of the refugees who sought sanctuarycame from the elite ranks of Afghan society. Two years after PatTillman’sbirthinFremont,California,Afghansbeganflockingtothecitywherehewasdelivered.

Back in Afghanistan, the brutality of the PDPA inspired a grassrootsinsurrection that rapidly escalated into full-blown civil war. At theforefront of the rebellion were Muslim holy warriors, the Afghan

mujahideen, who fought the communist infidels with such ferociousintensity that inDecember1979theSovietsdispatched100,000troopsto Afghanistan to quell the rebellion, prop up the PDPA, and protecttheirColdWarinterestsintheregion.Nations throughout the world sternly criticized the Soviets for the

incursion.ThestrongestrebukecamefromtheUnitedStates.Expressingshock and outrage over the invasion, President JimmyCarter called it“the most serious threat to peace since the Second World War,” andinitiatedfirsta tradeembargoandthenaboycottof the1980MoscowOlympics.But Carter’s righteous indignation was more than slightly

disingenuous. Although the U.S. government claimed otherwise inofficial statements, the CIA had begun purchasing weapons for themujahideen at least six months before the Soviet invasion, and thisclandestinesupportwasintendednottodeterMoscowbuttoprovokeit.AccordingtoCarter’snationalsecurityadviser,ZbigniewBrzezinski,thepurpose of arming the Afghans was to stimulate enough turmoil inAfghanistan “to induce a Soviet military intervention.” Brzezinski, themostferventcoldwarriorintheCarteradministration,boastedina1998interview that the intent of providing arms to the mujahideen wasspecificallytodraw“theSovietsintotheAfghantrap”andensnaretheminadebilitatingVietnam-likedebacle.If thatwas theplan, itworked.Almost immediatelyuponoccupying

thecountry, the legendarySovietFortiethArmyfound itselfneckdeepin an unexpectedly vicious guerrilla war that would keep its forcesentangledinAfghanistanforthenextnineyears.Before the Soviet invasion, Afghanistan was riven by so many

intransigentpoliticalandtribalfactionsthatthenationhadbeenforallintentsandpurposesungovernable.InreflexiveoppositiontotheSovietoccupation,virtuallytheentirecountryspontaneouslyunited—adegreeofcohesionnomodernAfghanleaderhadevercomeclosetoachieving.This newly unified opposition was characterized by extraordinary

violence.Themujahideenseldomtookprisonersintheirskirmisheswiththeinvaders.TheymadeahabitofmutilatingthebodiesoftheSovietstheykilledincreativelygruesomewaysinordertoinstillterrorinthose

sent to recover the bodies. When the mujahideen did take prisoners,accordingtoSovietsurvivors,theinfidelsoldierswereoftengang-rapedandtortured.The Afghans quickly figured out that fighting the Soviets by

conventional means was a recipe for certain defeat. Instead ofconfronting Soviet forces directly with large numbers of fighters, themujahideen adopted the classic stratagems of insurgent warfare,employingsmallbandsoftenorfifteenmentoambushtheenemyandthen vanish back into the landscape before the Soviets could launchcounterattacks.Sovietsoldiersbegantorefertothemujahideenasdukhi,Russian for “ghosts.” The Afghans took brilliant advantage of themountainous terrain to stage devastating ambushes from the highground as Soviet convoys moved through the confines of the valleybottoms. The Soviet cause wasn’t helped by a policy designated as“Limited Contingent”: Moscow decided to cap the number of FortiethArmytroopsinAfghanistanat115,000,despitethefactthatbeforetheinvasion Soviet generals hadwarned that asmany as 650,000 soldierswould be needed to secure the country.* The pitiless style of guerrillacombatwaged by the Afghans had an unnerving effect on the Sovietssenttofightthem.Moraleplummeted,especiallyastheconflictdraggedon year after year. Because opium and hashishwere readily availableeverywhere,drugaddictionamongtheSovietconscriptswasrife.Theirnumberswerefurtherravagedbymalaria,dysentery,hepatitis,tetanus,andmeningitis. Although there were never more than 120,000 Soviettroops in Afghanistan at any given time, a total of 642,000 soldiersservedtherethroughoutthecourseofthewar—470,000ofwhomweredebilitatedbydisease,addictedtoheroin,woundedinbattle,orkilled.ThetenacityandbrutalityofthemujahideenpromptedtheSovietsto

adopt ruthless tacticsof theirown.As theycame to realize that itwasmuch easier to kill unarmed civilians than tohunt down the fearsomeandelusivemujahideen,theSovietsincreasinglyfocusedtheirattacksonthe rural tribespeople who sometimes harbored combatants but didn’tshootback, rather thanassaulting themujahideendirectly. Jet aircraftbombedwholevalleyswithnapalm,layingwastetofarmland,orchards,and settlements. Helicopter gunships not only targeted villagers butmassacred their herds of livestock as well. These calculated acts of

genocidewentvirtuallyunnoticedoutsideofAfghanistan.The shift toward scorched-earth tactics intensified after KonstantinChernenko became the Soviet general secretary in February 1984 andinitiated a campaign of high-altitude carpet bombing. Taking off frombaseswithintheSovietUnionandflyingashighasfortythousandfeet,safelybeyondtherangeofmujahideenantiaircraftweapons,squadronsofswept-wing,twin-engineTu-16Badgersannihilatedentiretowns.Under the Chernenko regime, the Soviets also increased the use ofantipersonnel mines. Bombers sprinkled the countryside with tens ofthousandsofminiaturebooby trapsmade to resemblebrightly coloredtoys.SuchmineswerespecificallycreatedtoattractveryyoungAfghans;whenthekidspickedthemuptheywouldexplode,maimingandkillingthe children. Toward this same end, Soviet Badgers also randomlyscattered hundreds of thousands—some reports say millions—of so-calledbutterflyminesovervastareas.Designedtofluttergentlytoearthandthenarmupon impact, thesecamouflagedplasticdeviceswouldn’tdetonate until Afghan herders happened to step on them. The mines’relativelysmallsizewasintendedtoblowoff limbsbutnotnecessarilycause fatal injuries, in the belief that forcing Afghan villagers to takecare of gravely injured countrymen would cause more hardship thankillingthemoutright.The Soviets’ genocidal strategy inflicted terrible casualties on theAfghanpeople,but it alsohardened their resolve.Despiteall theyhadsuffered, the mujahideen showed no sign of abandoning their fight,whichmusthavegivenMoscowpause.BythetimetheSovietpolitburoelected Mikhail Gorbachev general secretary on March 11, 1985,following the death of Chernenko, the war in Afghanistan haddegenerated into a stalemate. One wonders if the new Soviet leaderperhapsponderedthefamoustenetvoicedsixteenyearsearlierbyHenryKissingerinreferencetotheAmericanexperienceinVietnam:“Welostsightofoneofthecardinalmaximsofguerrillawar:theguerrillawinsifhedoesnotlose.Theconventionalarmylosesifitdoesnotwin.”Although themujahideenwere doing the actual fighting against theSoviets, the CIA under President Ronald Reagan was supporting theAfghan holy warriors with billions of dollars in armaments and cash(supportmatcheddollarfordollarbySaudiArabia,anddeliveredtothe

mujahideenbyPakistan’sDirectorateforInter-ServicesIntelligence—theshadowy ISI). A disproportionate share of that bountywas directed toJalaluddinHaqqani—amanwhowouldhaveanotableimpactonworldaffairs over the ensuing decades. Early in the Soviet-Afghan War,Haqqanihademergedasa fearless combatantandabrilliant leaderofmen,which ishowhe came to receive somuchAmerican largesse.Asthe war intensified throughout the 1980s and the mujahideendemonstrated amazing steadfastness, many in the CIA came to regardhim as themost effective commander in the entire Afghan resistance.TheAmericans thought sohighlyofHaqqani that at onepointhewasreportedlybroughttotheUnitedStatesandfetedattheWhiteHouse.The base of operations for Haqqani and the fighters under hiscommandwasthemountainousterrainofwhatisnowKhostProvince.*In1984awealthyyoungengineer fromSaudiArabia,nameofOsamabinLaden,arrivedinKhosttoassistHaqqani’sforces.WhentheSovietsinvadedAfghanistan in1979, bin Ladenhadbeenan idealistic collegestudentreceivinganannualallowanceof$1millionfromhisfamily.AtthetimeheshowedupinKhost,hehadyettodiscoverhiscalling,butthisskinny,self-seriousArabwasabouttoassumeamuchlargerroleontheworldstage,thanksinparttowhatheexperiencedinAfghanistan.Initially,binLaden’sroleinKhostwaslimitedtoprovidingcashtothemujahideen and overseeing the construction of supply roads, trainingcamps, and fortified underground bunkers. He quickly developed anuncommonlycloserelationshipwithHaqqani,however,whowasfluentin Arabic and had an Arab wife. Before long, bin Ladenwas inspiredunder Haqqani’s tutelage to take up arms and personally engage incombatagainsttheSoviets.Althoughabumblingfootsoldier,binLadenparticipated in several firefights, displayed courage under fire, and atone point was even wounded—all of which bolstered his staturetremendouslyamongMuslimsacrosstheglobewhen,shortlythereafter,hebeganbeatingthedrumforglobaljihad.BeforehisinitialvisittoAfghanistan,accordingtoLawrenceWright’sbook The Looming Tower, “bin Laden did not … make much of animpressionasacharismaticleader….‘Hehadasmallsmileonhisfaceandsofthands,’ahardenedPakistanimujahidrecalled.‘You’dthinkyouwere shaking hands with a girl.’ ” Following bin Laden’s exposure to

combat,Wright reports, “one can hear for the first time the epic tonethatbegantocharacterizehisspeech—thesoundofamaninthegraspof destiny.” In the summer of 1988, bin Laden andAyman al-Zawahrifoundedal-Qaeda.Significantly,whenbinLadenestablishedthefirstal-Qaeda trainingcamps,he situated severalof them in themountainsofKhost,Haqqani’shomeland.AccordingtoaninterviewbinLadengavetoajournalistfromAlJazeerain2001,thenameal-Qaeda—whichmeans“thetrainingbase” inArabic—infactowes itsorigintothesecampsinKhost.“Thename ‘al-Qaeda’wasestablisheda long timeagobymerechance,” bin Laden explained. “We used to call the training camp ‘al-Qaeda.’Andthenamestayed.”Two years before the emergence of al-Qaeda, the CIA provided the

mujahideenwithaweaponthatbeganto tip thebalanceof thewar intheir favor: a thirty-five-pound, shoulder-fired, antiaircraft missileknownastheFIM-92Stingerthatcostabout$65,000apiece.Theheat-seeking Stingers, which would lock automatically onto a fast-movingairborne target, proved to be tremendously effective. More than twothousand Stingers were given to the Afghans,many of whichwent toHaqqani.As themujahideen figured out how to use them, fear spreadthroughtheSoviet forces.By1987theironce invulnerableHindattackhelicopterswerebeingshotdownonanalmostdailybasis.TheSoviets’dominanceoftheskiesaboveAfghanistan—theirgreatadvantage—wasover.In 1988, Moscow belatedly acknowledged that victory against the

insurgentswouldneverbeachievedatanycost,andGorbachevbegantosystematically withdraw the Soviet forces from Afghanistan. OnFebruary15,1989,whenthelastSovietsoldierretreatedbackacrosstheAmu Darya—the broad, glacier-fed river that delineated the borderbetween Afghanistan and the Soviet republics of Uzbekistan andTajikistan— thewarhad claimed the livesof an estimated twenty-fivethousandSovietsoldiersandwelloveramillionAfghans,90percentofwhom were civilian noncombatants. Another five million Afghans—nearly a third of the prewar population—had taken flight from theravagednation,mostlytodismalrefugeecampsinneighboringPakistanandIran,althoughsomefledtoplacesasfarawayasCalifornia.On the face of it, the trap set for the Soviets by the Carter

administration in 1979 seemed to have worked. Nine months afterGorbachev pulled his troops from Afghanistan, the Berlin Wall camedown, heralding the imminent dissolution of the Soviet empire—acollapse indubitably hastened by the staggering cost of the Afghanconflict.TheclimacticbattleoftheColdWarhadbeenwonwithouttheAmericanmilitary evenhaving togetoff the couch.Actingas aproxyarmy, themujahideenhadgiven theUnitedStatesa free ride.Or so itseemedatthetime.In the summer of 1989, an essay titled “The End of History?” was

published in the journalNational Interest by a youngStateDepartmentofficial named Francis Fukuyama. The essay, which catapultedFukuyama from obscurity to overnight fame (and was later expandedinto an even more widely read book, The End of History and the LastMan),argued thathistory isproperly regardedas theprogressof ideasrather thanmerely a record of human events, and that the end of theColdWarsignaledthepermanentvictoryofmodernity—theapotheosisof which was the Western idea of liberal capitalist democracy. “ThetriumphoftheWest,oftheWesternidea,”wroteFukuyama,“isevidentfirst of all in the total exhaustion of viable systematic alternatives toWesternliberalism….WhatwemaybewitnessingisnotjusttheendoftheColdWar,or thepassingofaparticularperiodofpostwarhistory,but the end of history as such: that is, the end point of mankind’sideological evolution and the universalization of Western liberaldemocracyasthefinalformofhumangovernment.”The Soviet Unionmanaged to hang together for another two and a

halfyearsafteritsarmyleftAfghanistan,andduringtheinterimtheCIAdelivered severalhundredmillionadditionaldollars to themujahideenjust to make sure the Kremlin didn’t change its mind about causingfurthermischief inSouthAsia.But inthefinaldaysof1991,whentheCouncilofRepublicsoftheSupremeSovietofficiallydissolvedtheSovietUnion, the CIA concluded that the Afghan freedom fighters were nolonger of anyuse to it and immediately cut off all support.Without asecond thought, the United States forgot about the mujahideen andturned its attention to other foreign adventures, in the manner of alothario who’s gotten what he wants and doesn’t bother to call themorningafter.

Regrettably, themenandwomen running things inWashingtonalsoseemed to forget that Haqqani and bin Laden still controlled largenumbersof fanaticalholywarriorsandpossessedmassive stockpilesofweapons that the CIA had graciously purchased for them. Beyond theborders of the United States, a great many people—Haqqani and binLaden prominent among them—begged to differ with Fukuyama’sassertion that the game was over andWestern liberal democracy hadwon.

*U.S.defensesecretaryDonaldRumsfeldreceivedstrikinglysimilaradmonitionsfromAmericangeneralsduringtheirplanningfortheinvasionsofAfghanistanin2001andIraqin2003.

*KhostwaspartofPaktiaProvinceuntil1995,whenitwassplitoffasaprovinceuntoitself.

CHAPTERTWO

AlthoughPatTillmanwasborninFremont,forallbuttwoyearsofhischildhoodhelivedthirtyminutesdownthefreewayinaneighborhoodknownasNewAlmaden—a tranquil, closelywoven community tuckedalongside the narrow seam of Los Alamitos Creek, where the Tillmanfamilyoccupiedatidythirteen-hundred-square-footcottagesurroundedby shade trees. The slopes of the Santa Cruz Mountains, redolent ofScotch broom and manzanita, jutted directly from their backyard.Thankstotheserenityofthesettingandtheproximityofsomuchopenspace, New Almaden still feels like it’s at a distant remove from thehyperthyroidalsprawlofgreaterSanJose,eventhoughthelatterbeginslessthantwomilesdownthevalley.The hills immediately west of the Tillman abode are honeycombed

withmineshaftsthatonceyieldedabountyofmercuryore.ItwasthemostvaluablemineinCaliforniaduringthelatterhalfofthenineteenthcentury,butthediggingswereshutdownin1975,afterwhichthesitewas designated a forty-two-hundred-acre recreational area and thirty-fivemilesofhikingtrailswerebuiltacrossitssun-parchedridges.MaryLydanne Tillman—known as Dannie to her friends and closeacquaintances—spent countless hours walking these trails with Pat onherbackwhenhewasababy.Inher book,Boots on theGround byDusk:MyTribute to PatTillman,

Dannie acknowledged that her eldest son “was not a cuddly infant.”Animatedandadventurousrightoutofthewomb,Patstartedwalkingateightandahalfmonths,andwhenhewasawakehewasconstantlyinmotion.TheTillmansownedatelevision,butthewallsoftheAlamitoscanyonrestrictedreceptiontoasinglechannel,andsometimesnoteventhat,soPatandhisyoungerbrothers,KevinandRichard,almostneverwatched TV as children. Instead, they spent most of their free timeplaying outdoors, scrambling up the ravines and outcrops of theAlmaden Quicksilver County Park, where they acquired a lasting

appreciationofuntamed landscapes.Whentheboyshadtobe indoors,theyengagedinclamorousdiscussionsaboutcurrentevents,history,andpolitics with their parents and each other. Almost no subject was off-limits. Encouraged to think critically and be skeptical of conventionalwisdom,Patlearnedtotrustinhimselfandbeunafraidtobucktheherd.Fromthetimehewastwoyearsold,Patwasanonstoptalker,yakkingall the time, and this verbosity—his insatiable appetite for spiriteddialogue—would, like his confidence and the immutability of hiswill,turnouttobeoneofhissignaturetraits.WhenPatwasinmiddleschool,according toBootson theGroundbyDusk,hewas“conscientiousaboutlearning and generally well-behaved in class,” but Dannie regularlyreceived calls from administrators concerned about Pat’s roughhousingbetweenclasses:“Hewasgettingreferralsforchasingpeople,wrestlingin the quad, climbing on the bleachers, and talking while walking toassembly.” He was a loud, happy, rambunctious youth whoseexuberancecouldnotbecontained.Pat inherited superlative athletic genes, as did his brothers, and hebegan playing in an organized soccer league at the age of four.Thereafter,TillmanfamilylifewasorganizedtonosmallextentaroundthesportsplayedbyPat,Kevin,andRichard.InPat’scase,bythetimehewas inhighschool, thesport thathecaredmostpassionatelyaboutwasfootball.

For reasons having to do with safety and liability, students were notallowedtoplayonthevarsityfootballteamuntiltheywerefifteenyearsold,soPatdidn’tjointhevarsitysquaduntilNovember1991,whenhewasaddedtotherosterfortheplayoffsduringhissophomoreyear.Bythetimethe1992footballseasongotunderwayhehadbecomeLeland’sstarplayer.Despitehisdiminutivesize,thecoachusedhimonoffenseasarunningbackandwidereceiver;ondefenseasalinebackerandstrongsafety; and on special teams as a punter, punt returner, and kickreturner.Patexcelledateveryposition.Lateinacrucialgameneartheend of the season, he ran the ball ninety yards down the field for acome-from-behindtouchdownthatearnedLelandaberthintheplayoffs.Not long after Pat was killed, a remote Army firebase seven miles

southofthehillsidewhereheperishedwasnamedinhishonor:ForwardOperating Base Tillman. In the winter of 2007 a small contingent ofAmericansoldierswasstationedhere,alongwithacompanyofAfghanNational Army recruits and a handful of fighters from the AfghanSecurityGuard.The latter,knownas theASG, isaparamilitarymilitiaunder contract to theU.S.Army to provide additional security aroundthe base and to accompany American patrols on missions into thesurroundingcountryside,whichisstillcontrolledbyTalibanwhobelongto the Haqqani Network. FOB Tillman—squatting less than two milesfrom the Pakistan border, encircled by a seven-foot-thick blast wallconstructed from earthen HESCO barriers topped with razor wire—isattackedfrequentlybyHaqqani’sforces.Recruited and trained by American Special Forces, members of theASGarecourageous,highlyskilledfighterswhohaveearnedtheesteemof their American counterparts. Like members of most other Afghanarmed forces—whether the Afghan Army, the Taliban, al-Qaeda, orindependentmilitias—fromthetimetheywakeupuntiltheygotosleepat the end of the day, the majority of the ASG are under the mildnarcotic influence of hashish and/or naswar, a sticky brown powder,placed between the lip and the gum, concocted from tobacco, slakedlime,lavender,andopium.“FarasIcantell,they’rebakedprettymuch24/7,”confirmsayoungAmericanspecialistashelooksthroughastackof counterfeitDVDsbeingoffered for salebyapair of local tribesmenjustbeyondthegatetothebase.“Butthey’regoodtohaveonyourside.The ASGwe go outside thewirewith,most of themwould lay downtheirlifeforyou.Ain’tthatright,Snoop?”Snoop, a skinny twenty-seven-year-old Pashtun who happens to bewalking pastwith his AK-47 slung over his right shoulder, commandstheASGgarrisonattached toFOBTillman. In lieuof a reply,he looksimpassively at the specialist and says nothing, even though heunderstands English quite well. American soldiers at the base startedcallingthecommander“Snoop”acoupleofyearspreviouslybecausehebearsanuncannyresemblancetotherapperSnoopDogg,buthisactualnameisAbdulGhani,andatthemomentheisclearlylessthanpleasedto be addressed so informally by a lowly specialist—a rank just aboveprivate.Afterstaringicilyatthesoldierforseveralseconds,Commander

Ghani spots someone he apparently has been looking for and stridesbriskly away to speak with him. The specialist, oblivious to Ghani’sscorn,continuesperusingthebootlegDVDs.“Checkitout,”heexclaimstonobody inparticular.“RockyBalboa—thenewStallone flick. I don’tthinkit’sevenintheatersyetbackintheStates,butthesehajjisalreadygotitforsalehereinEastBumfuck,Afghaniland.”After walking away, Ghani approaches three Pashtuns whowork as

manual laborersat thebase,andwithoutwarning raiseshis rifle stockandstrikesoneoftheminthesideofthehead.Themancriesoutandstaggers,butremainsonhisfeet,whichpromptsGhanitograbhimbytheshoulders,throwhimtothemuddyground,andbegincursingathiminPashto.Whenthetribesmanstandsup,Ghaniknockshimdownagainandcontinuesyellingathim.Thenthecommanderturnsandwalksbacktowardthebase,mutteringinEnglish,“Iswear,Ishouldgobackthererightnowandreallykickhisass.”NoticingtheshockedexpressionoftheAmerican journalist walking beside him, he bristles at the reproachimplied by the reporter’s reaction: “That guy, he has done some badthingsagainstme.Ifsomeoneisbadtome,Imustbebadtothem.Youknowwhy?Because if youdidn’t, that guywill think you are a pussyguy. And then hewill be bothering you all the time. You have to goagainsthimback,youknow?”Whenthejournalistexpressesskepticism,Ghani onlybecomesmore adamant: “I am telling you, if the guydoessomethingwrong,andyoudidn’tdosomethingbackagainsthim,afterthis he will have no respect for you. He will think you are a pussymotherfucker. And then hewill be bothering you. Every time he seesyou,hewillgiveyouahardtime.”Commander Ghani* has just provided a vivid summation of the

Pashtunprinciplesofnang(honor),ghairat(pride),andbadal(revenge),which—along with a fourth concept, melmastia (hospitality)—accountfor the most important tenets in an unwritten, overarching code ofbehaviorknownasPashtunwali thathas shapedcultureand identity inthis part of Central Asia for centuries. There are an estimated fifteenmillionPashtunslivinginAfghanistan’ssouthernandeasternprovinces;they constitute that nation’s largest ethnic group. Another twenty-sixmillionPashtunslivejustacrosstheborderinwesternPakistan,andtoagreat degree Pashtunwali dictates how these forty-one million people

conducttheirlives.The tenetsofPashtunwaliare fluid,highlynuanced,andoccasionallycontradictory. According to the precept of melmastia, a Pashtun isobligatedtoshowhospitalitytoallvisitors,especiallystrangers.Guestsaretobefed,sheltered,andprotectedfromharm;iftheyrequestit,evenmortal enemies must be given sanctuary. According to the precept ofbadal,anyinjustice—nomatterhowslight—mustbeavenged. Ifamansufferseventherelativelyminorinsultofapersonaltaunt,forexample,the insulted party must shed the taunter’s blood; if the taunter fleesbefore justicecanbecarriedout, thebloodofhisclosestmale relativemustbeshedinhisstead.Endeavoringtoupholdthisstricture,familiessometimesengageindeadlyfeudsthathavebeenknowntodragonfordecades.Attheirroot,mostaspectsofPashtunwaliareaboutpreservinghonor and respect. And in Pashtun society, respect ultimately derivesfromdemonstrationsofstrengthandcourage.WhenAmericansorEuropeanshearaccountsofentirefamilieswipedoutinthenameofbadal,oronePashtunbeheadinganothertoredressaseemingly inconsequential insult, the typical reaction is shock andrevulsion.The tenets ofPashtunwali arehardlyunique toCentralAsia,however. In American cities, for instance, it is not uncommon foradolescentstobegunneddownforshowingdisrespecttogangmembers.AndifaRedSoxpitcherbeansaYankeebatter,nobodyistheleastbitsurprisedwhentheYankeepitcherhurlsafastballattheheadofaRedSoxbatteraspaybackinthenextinning.————

Pashtunwali certainly wouldn’t have struck Pat Tillman as an alienconcept.Thenotionofpersonalhonor,andtheimperativeofupholdingit,were things hewas taught at an early age, and he took them veryseriously.Pat’sfather—alsonamedPatrick,albeitwithadifferentmiddlename—grew up in Fremont, married Pat’s mother a couple of years aftergraduating from high school, and then attended both college and lawschoolwhileworkingfull-timetosupporthisnewfamily.Hehadbeenraised according to traditional masculine values, and he passed along

thosesameold-fashionedidealstohissons.YoungPatandhisbrotherswereinstructedtotellthetruth,torespecttheirelders,tostandupforthevulnerable,andtokeeptheirpromises.Tillmanpèrealsoimpressedupontheboystheimportanceofdefendingtheirhonor,withtheirfistsifnecessary.WhenPat started playing high-school football as a thirteen-year-old,

heunderstoodthathewouldneedtoblockandtacklewithexceptionalintensitytocompensateforhissmallsize,andthathecouldn’taffordtoshow fear or vulnerability if he hoped to win the respect of coaches,teammates,andadversaries.Hethereforeadoptedanintimidating,cast-irondemeanoronthefield,althoughbeneaththearmorwasasensitivekidwhowaseasilymovedtotearsinprivate.Pat sometimes found it advantageous to flaunt his toughness off the

gridiron as well. When larger boys menaced him, Pat responded byinstantlygoingon theoffensive, forcing theaggressors to either throwdown or back away. Caught off guard by the puny kid’s utter lack offear, sometimes his adversaries would elect to retreat, but when theywouldn’t, Pat wasn’t shy about exchanging blows. This willingness toengageinfisticuffswhenchallengedwasfosteredbythecultureofhigh-school football, in which members of the tribe were expected todemonstrate their courage and establish their place in the masculinehierarchybyfighting.Asaconsequence,Patandmanyofhisteammatesgot in numerous scraps involving kids from other schools,withwhomthey would scuffle at malls and outside movie theaters on weekendevenings.Noneofthisstruckanyoftheparticipantsasoddoraberrant;tothemitwasjustwhathigh-schoolfootballplayersdid,atime-honoredrite of passage. They regarded the brawling as little more than anextensionofthegamecarriedbeyondthefieldofplay.DespitePat’squicknesstoresorttohisfists,hewasinmanywaysthe

antithesisofabully.Asamatterofprinciple,hefoughtonlywithkidswhowerebiggerthanhewas,andonseveraloccasionsheintervenedtorescue nerdy classmates who were being hassled by older, largertormentors. But when Pat fought, he fought to win and nevercapitulated,whichearnedhimthereputationatLelandandbeyondasaguynottobetrifledwith.Inthepackheranwith,therewasnoquestioninanyone’smindthathewasthealphamale.

*OnApril12,2007,theU.S.ArmycaptainDennisKnowlessentane-mailtothisauthorfromFOBTillmaninwhichhereported,“TodaywasaverysaddayasSnooptookthebruntofamineand didn’tmake it. I know you had spent some timewith him.Hewaswell respected by allsides….Snoophitadouble-stacked,pressure-platedanti-tankminewithhisToyotaHilux.Notgood.Hehadhisrightleggonebelowthewaist,hisleftlegwasamangledmess,andhisrightarmwasgone.Therewasnothingwecoulddobuteasehispain.Ithiteveryonehard.”

CHAPTERTHREE

More than a quarter century after the Soviet invasion, great swaths ofcentralKabulstillexistasbombed-outheapsofrubble.Althoughforeignvisitors commonly take it for granted that this extensive destructionoccurredduringtheSoviet-AfghanWar,suchassumptionsaremistaken.During most of the Soviet occupation, Kabul remained a bustling,functional metropolis. Children filled the schools. Business flourished.The arts were vibrant. Basic services such as water and electricitycontinuedtobeprovided.Thewar’shorrorsweremyriadandsavagelyreal,but theyweregenerallyvisitedon thecountryside;Kabuldodgedtheworstof theviolence.Life in thecapitalcarriedonmuchas ithadbeforetheconflict,byandlarge.ThedevastationofKabuldidn’t actually comeaboutuntil longafter

theinfideloccupiershaddeparted.Anditwasn’tcausedbytheSoviets.Thewreckage that blights Afghanistan’s principal citywas the fruit ofmujahideenwreakinghavoconmujahideen:AfghansdoingtheirbesttokillotherAfghans.During Pat’s high-school years, as he was celebrating his youth,

asserting his masculinity, and winning admirers on the football field,Afghanistan was sinking to new depths of misery—although mostAmericansremainedoblivioustowhatwashappeninginthispartoftheworld.WhentheSovietspulledout,therehadbeenanticipationwithintheAfghandiaspora,includingmanyoftheexpatriateslivingjustuptheroadfromPatinFremont,thattheirnationwasonthecuspofaneweraof peace and renewal. There were reasons to believe that millions ofAfghanrefugeesmightsoonbeabletogohome.Suchhopesevaporatedwithcruelspeed,however,asthenationinsteadsliddeeperintoanarchyandfratricidalviolence.

Two years before the Soviets began withdrawing their troops, theyinstalledathirty-nine-year-oldPashtunnamedMohammedNajibullahaspresidentoftheDemocraticRepublicofAfghanistan(DRA),theirpuppetgovernmentinKabul.Beforehewasmadepresident,Najibullahhadrunthe country’s feared secret police, an agency known as KHAD. In thatrole he had imprisoned, tortured, and executed tens of thousands ofAfghans. Eyewitnesses have testified that Najibullah personallybrutalizedandmurderednumerouspoliticalprisoners,insomeinstancesbystompingthemtodeath.

AfterthelastSovietsoldierleftAfghanistaninFebruary1989,theCIApredicted thatNajibullah’s regimewould fall to themujahideenwithinthreetosixmonths.Butevenaftertheirdeparture,theSovietscontinuedtoprovideNajibullahwithsophisticatedarmsandmorethan$3billionin annual support. Moreover, American intelligence analysts badlyunderestimatedNajibullah,ashrewdleaderwhowasasruthlessasanyofthemujahideencommanders.AsitbecameclearthattheDRAunderhisleadershipwasnotsimplygoingtorolloverandsurrender,theCIA—working in conjunction with Pakistan’s intelligence service, the ISI—decidedtohastentheprocessbypressingthemujahideentoattackthecity of Jalalabad, a crucial DRA stronghold near the Pakistan border,eightymilesnortheast ofKhostCity. Some ten thousandholywarriorsunder the leadership of nine different mujahideen commandersassembled outside of Jalalabad in March 1989 to launch the assault.AmongthemwasOsamabinLaden,leadingacontingentoftwohundredArabfighters.TheattackonthecitycommencedonMarch5,1989.Themujahideen

quickly captured the Jalalabad airfield and some of the surroundingsuburbs.But theDRAcounterattackedwith tanks,Scud-Bmissiles,andjetbombers,bringingmujahideenprogresstoahalt.Overthenextthreemonths theattackersmanaged toadvanceno farther into thecity,andthe battle for Jalalabad became a bloody standoff. Compounding themujahideen’s woes, their forces were composed of rival factions thatdespised one another. Not only were they incapable of fighting inconcert against Najibullah’s DRA forces, but mujahideen commanderssometimes seemed to intentionally undermine the efforts of theirputative allies. By July, after having lost three thousand fighters(including approximately a hundred of bin Laden’s forces), themujahideen abandoned the fight and withdrew from Jalalabad in anatmosphereofbickeringandrecrimination.Itwasahumiliatingdefeat.EversinceAfghanistanemergedasanationin1741,thecountryhas

been cobbled together from a shaky union of stubbornly autonomousfiefdoms. InAfghan society, individual loyalty belongs foremost to thefamilyandthen—inrapidlydescendingorder—toone’sextendedclanortribe,one’sethnicgroup,andone’sreligioussect.The central government had never provided much in the way of

support or services to the 85 percent of Afghanswho lived outside ofKabul or othermajor cities. In the chaos of the Soviet-AfghanWar, asthis support dwindled to nothing, rural Afghans looked exclusively totheir mullahs, village elders, and the mujahideen commanders forprotection and governance.With the national economy in ruins, thesecommanders and their followers turned to the cultivation of opiumpoppies as their primary source of revenue. By the early 1990s,Afghanistan was well on its way to supplying the lion’s share of theworld’s heroin. Although themujahideen factions continued to regardNajibullah and theDRA as theirmain enemy, they increasingly beganfighting each other for control of the drug trade, and for weaponssuppliedbyPakistan,SaudiArabia,Egypt,andtheCIA.Increasinglyaswell, they appeared to direct their efforts at least as much towardlootingandpillagingasliberatingtheircountry.Inimportantwaystheystarted to resemble the Latin American drug cartels—except themujahideenhadamuchgreaterpenchant forbrutalityandcarriedouttheirdepredationsinthenameofGod.Withsomejustification,Westernjournalists began referring to mujahideen commanders as warlords.Meanwhile,eventhoughtheSovietArmyhadevacuatedthecountry,theCIA continued to provide the Afghan holy warriors with about $250millionperyearasacounterbalancetothebillionsspenttopropuptheDRAbytheSoviets.Discouraged by the infighting among the mujahideen, in 1990 binLaden left Afghanistan and returned to Saudi Arabia—even as tens ofthousands of Arab jihadis he’d inspired flocked to the conflict, andnumerousal-Qaeda training camps establishedbybinLaden continuedtoinstructyoungzealotsintheartofguerrillawarfare.Najibullahand theDRAArmyheld theirownagainst thesquabblingmujahideen for the better part of two years. But in April 1991 holywarriors under the command of Jalaluddin Haqqani overran DRAdefenses and capturedKhostCity.Thevictory exacted a gruesome tollonthelocalpopulaceHaqqanihad“liberated,”thousandsofwhomhadtheir homes destroyed by indiscriminate mujahideen shelling or werekilledoutrightinthecrossfire.Nevertheless,KhostCitybecamethefirstmajorAfghanurbancentertocomeundermujahideencontrolsincetheSovietinvasion.

Six months later, the Soviet Union imploded and ceased to exist,bringing an abrupt end to Najibullah’s font of money and weapons.WithoutSovietbacking,hisregimewasdoomed.TheDRAransolowonfuel that the entire Afghan Air Force was forced to remain on theground.Soon thereafter it couldn’t evenprovide its soldierswith food,causing DRA soldiers to desert in droves and join the mujahideenmilitias thatuntil thenhadbeen trying tokill them.Smellingblood inthe water, the mujahideen warlords began jockeying for position tocaptureKabul,theseatofNajibullah’sgovernment.Shiftingethnicdivisionsandallianceshavelongplayedacentralrole

in Afghanistan’s chronic dysfunctionality. Although no single ethnicgroupmakesupamajority,Pashtunsarethelargestwithapproximately40 percent of the national population. They are followed by ethnicTajiks,whoconstitute some30percent;Uzbeks,withabout9percent;Hazaras,aShiiteminority,alsowithabout9percent;andanumberofsmallergroupssuchasTurkmen,Baluchis,Nuristanis,andIsmailis.The most prominent of the mujahideen warlords were Abdul Rasul

Sayyaf,aPashtunwithclosetiestobinLaden;GulbuddinHekmatyar,aPashtunbasedalongthePakistanborderwhohadreceivedhundredsofthousandsofdollars fromtheCIA,andwhocommanded the loyaltyofHaqqani and his network of hardened fighters; and Ahmad ShahMassoud,anethnicTajikwhosebaseofpowerwasinthePanjshirValleynorthofBagramAirfield.Inearly1992,asthesedistrustfulalliesplottedto overrun Kabul, an important commander of a DRA Army regimentnamed Abdul Rashid Dostum—an ethnic Uzbek from northernAfghanistanwho for thirteen years had been viciously fighting againstthemujahideenonbehalfoftheSovietsandNajibullah—abruptlyturnedonhis communist benefactors.BringingalongDRA tanks, aircraft, andfortythousanddisciplinedsoldiers,DostumjoinedforceswithMassoud’smujahideenagainstNajibullahandtheDRA.The moment Dostum defected from the communists, Najibullah

recognized thathis regimewasdoomed.Heheldapressconference inwhichhemadeadesperateappealtotheUnitedStatestocurbtheforcesofjihadithaddonesomuchtonurture,lesttheholywarriorsbitethehandthathadsorecklesslyfedthem.AsrecordedbyareporterfortheInternationalHerald Tribune, Najibullah declared, “We have a common

task—Afghanistan,theU.S.A.,andthecivilizedworld—tolaunchajointstruggle against fundamentalism. If fundamentalism comes toAfghanistan, war will continue for many years. Afghanistan will turnintoacenterofworldsmugglingfornarcoticdrugs.Afghanistanwillbeturnedintoacenterforterrorism.”Upon making these observations, which would soon turn out to be

disturbinglyprescient,NajibullahofferedtostepdownaspresidentandworkwiththeUnitedNationstoeffectapeacefultransitionofpower.Afew senior officials in President George H. W. Bush’s administrationarguedthattheUnitedStatesshouldseizethisopportunitytohelpinstallamoderatecoalitiongovernmentthatwouldestablishorderandpreventrabidjihadissuchasHekmatyarfromseizingcontrolofthecountry.Buta ColdWarmind-set still prevailed inWashington, particularlywithinthe CIA. According to such thinking, now that the Soviet Union wasdefunct, America no longer had any reason for remaining involved inAfghan affairs. No effort was made to thwart a takeover by the holywarriors,andthemomentpassed.TheUnitedStatesdeterminedthat itwastimetowashitshandsofAfghanistanandwalkaway.Byannouncinghiswillingnesstoresign,Najibullahhadabdicatedthe

lastofhisinfluenceandcredibility.Hisgovernmentdisintegratedonthespot as a consequence, andKabulwas for all intents andpurposes leftundefended.Mujahideen factionsmoved on the city from all points ofthecompass,playingcatandmousewithoneanothertodeterminewhowould seize the capital and assume power. Themain contenderswereHekmatyar, approaching from the south; and Massoud, supported byDostum, approaching from the north. Across the border in Peshawar,Pakistan,representativesofthePakistaniISIandSaudiArabiafranticallyworked tonegotiate a last-minutepower-sharing arrangement betweenHekmatyar andMassoud, and thereby forestall a violent confrontationbetween them.According to SteveColl’s superb history of this period,GhostWars,

EvenOsamabinLadenflewtoPeshawarand joinedtheeffortto forge cooperation between Hekmatyar and Massoud. HecontactedHekmatyarbyradiofromPeshawarandurgedhimtoconsideracompromisewithMassoud.

BinLadenandotherIslamistmediatorsarrangedahalf-hourradio conversation directly betweenMassoud andHekmatyar.TheessentialquestionwaswhetherthetwocommanderswouldcontrolKabulpeacefullyasalliesorfightitout.

AlthoughMassoudwaswillingtosharepower,HekmatyarignoredbinLaden’s repeated entreaties to do so, calculating that he could defeatMassoud in battle. Hekmatyar went to bed that night certain that hewould roll into Kabul on the morrow, victorious. But the obstinacydisplayedbyHekmatyar convincedMassoud that negotiatingwithhimwas a pointless exercise, so he ordered Dostum’s forces to launch apreemptive strike. Getting a brief albeit crucial jump on Hekmatyar,Massoud and Dostum stormed into the city from the north. WhenHekmatyar’sfightersarrivedfromthesouthafewhourslater,ferociousblock-by-block combat ensued. Massoud had moved quickly to seizestrategic positions throughout Kabul, however, and Hekmatyar wasn’table to overcome the advantage. After aweek of intense fighting, thelatter’ssoldierswithdrewfromthecityandretreatedwhencetheycame,althoughwithoutconcedingvictorytoMassoud.Instead,Hekmatyar,ina senseless rage, began firing barrage after barrage of rockets into thecity from afar, inflicting death and ruin without regard for whom orwhattheymightstrike.ThebattleforKabulignitedacatastrophiccivilwar.AsCollwrote,

Kabul plunged into violence and deprivation during 1993.Hekmatyarpoundedthecityindiscriminatelywithhundredsofrocketsfromhisamplestores,killingandwoundingthousandsofcivilians.Theoldmujahideenleadersrealignedthemselvesinbizarre temporary partnerships. They fought artillery duelsalongKabul’savenues,dividingthecityintoadensebarricadedcheckerboardof ethnic and ideological factions. Shi’itemilitiafought against Hekmatyar around Kabul’s zoo, then switchedsides and fought against Massoud. Sayyaf’s forces allied withhis old Islamic law colleague [Burhanuddin] Rabbani and hittheShi’iteswithunrestrainedfury,beheadingoldmen,women,children, and dogs. Dostum’s Uzbek militias carried out acampaignofrapesandexecutionsonKabul’soutskirts.Massoud

hunkered down in the tattered defense ministry, a decayingformer royalpalace,andmovedhis troopsnorthandsouth inrunningbattles.TheelectricityinKabulfailed….Roadsclosed,food supplies shrank, and disease spread. About ten thousandAfghanciviliansdiedviolentlybytheyear’send.

Atleast40percentofKabulwasreducedtorubblebythefightingandshelling,buttheeffectsofthecivilwarextendedfarbeyondthecapital.Asabulwarkagainstanarchy,peopleintheprovincesretreatedbeneaththe relatively benign tyranny of their clans, where the mullahs andcommanders of local militias provided a semblance of security andorder.Thisatomizationof thenation—thehunkeringof thepopulationinto a thousand premodern fiefs—proved to be ideal conditions forincubating a singularly virulent strain of terrorism that would shortlycapturetheattentionoftheworld,andmostespeciallytheUnitedStates.

At9:18PacificstandardtimeonthemorningofFebruary26,1993,asPatwasattendingclassatLelandHighSchool,afifteen-hundred-poundbombimprovisedfromfertilizer,fueloil,nitroglycerin,sulfuricacid,andsodium cyanide packed into the back of a rented Econoline van wasdetonated three thousandmilesacross thecountry fromAlmaden, inaparking garage beneath the north tower of theWorld Trade Center inlower Manhattan. The explosion blasted a hundred-foot-wide cavitythrough six stories of steel-reinforced concrete and created a seismicshockwavefeltmorethanamileaway.AlthoughmorethanathousandNewYorkerswereinjured,onlysixpeople(whohadthebadlucktobeeatinglunchinacafeteriadirectlyabovetheblast)werekilled.Becausethedeathcountwasrelativelylowandtherewasscantvisibledamagetothe exterior of the building, the attack didn’t raise a durable concernamongmostAmericans.Thebombersweregenerallyportrayedasineptamateurswho had come nowhere close to bringing down themassivetower.Muchwasmadeof the fact thatoneof theperpetratorswas sodim-wittedthataftertheattackheattemptedtoretrievehisdepositforthe destroyed van from the Ryder agency in New Jersey where he’drentedit.A close examination of the facts, however, suggests the attack came

shockingly close to succeeding. The van had been parked along thesouthern edge of the underground parking facility with the intent ofcausing the north tower to crash into the south tower as it toppled,destroyingtheentireWorldTradeCenterinonefellswoopandtherebyannihilatingupwardsofaquarter-millionpeople.Althoughacalamityofsuchmagnitudedidn’toccuronthatFridayin1993,itwasn’tdodgedbymuch:thearchitectoftheWorldTradeCenterlatertestifiedthatifthevehiclehadbeenpositionedclosertothebuilding’sfoundation,theblastcouldhavebroughtdownbothtowers.Thebombhadbeenassembled,delivered,anddetonatedbyaKuwaiti

named Ramzi Yousef, under the supervision of his uncle Khalid SheikMohammed,whowouldlaterbeidentifiedas“theprincipalarchitect”ofthe attack against the same buildings on September 11, 2001. YousefhadlearnedtheartofmakingbombsfromamanualwrittenbytheCIAfor themujahideen touse in their struggleagainst theSoviets.Hewasgiven theCIA instructionbookletwhileattendinganal-Qaeda trainingcampinKhost,Afghanistan,in1991or1992.

CHAPTERFOUR

AlthoughPatTillmanremainedrelativelysmallforhisagethroughmostofhighschool,hewasthebeneficiaryofabelatedgrowthspurtat theend of eleventh grade. During the spring and summer of his sixteenthyearheunderwentarapidtransformationfromashort,wirychildtoayoung man who stood five feet eleven inches tall and weighed 195pounds. The new Pat hadmassive legs, a narrowwaist, and an upperbody sculpted by a weight-lifting regimen that he pursued with near-obsessive zeal. He was an exceptional football player even before thespurt, but the addedheft allowedhim todistinguishhimself as oneofthebestplayersinthenationwhenhissenioryearatLelandcommencedinSeptember1993.Californiaissobigthatitshigh-schoolfootballprogramisdividedinto

fourteengeographicsections,eachofwhichincludesmorestudentsandmoreschoolsthansomeentirestates.Lelandisoneof117schoolsintheCentralCoast Section,orCCS, among themost competitive sections inallofCalifornia.OnSeptember3, in its firstgameof the1993 season,Lelandplayed

Bellarmine College Preparatory, a highly regarded Jesuit school thatwon theCCS championship in 1990 and had been runner-up in 1992.Whenthegamebegan,Pat took theopeningkickoffandreturned it totheBellarminethirty-five-yardline.Eightplayslaterherantheballintotheendzoneonfourthandgoaltoscorethegame’sfirsttouchdown.Inthe third quarter he carried the ball on a dazzling sixty-eight-yardscramble from scrimmage that set up another touchdown. LelanddominatedBellarminefromstarttofinish,andthefinalscorewas33–7.Kevin Tillman, a sophomore, booted three extra points as the team’skicker.Attheconclusionoftheregularseason,Lelandhadwonnineofitsten

gamesandearnedaspotintheCCSplayoffsasthenumber-threeseed.

Patdeservedasignificantshareofthecreditfortheteam’ssuccess.Overthecourseoftheseasonhecaughttwenty-sevenpasses,twelveofwhichwerefortouchdowns,andaveraged25.7yardsperreception.Herantheball into the end zone for another fourteen touchdowns and averaged10.9 yardsper carry as a rusher.With three kicks andan interceptionreturned for touchdowns, and a fumble recovered in the end zone, hescoredatotalofthirty-onetouchdowns.Ondefensehewascreditedwith110 tackles, ten sacks, and three interceptions. In a highlight reel ofLeland’s 1993 season, Pat looks like he’smoving in fast-forwardwhileeveryoneelseisfunctioningatregularspeed.Whentheplayoffscommenced,LelandwasmatchedinthefirstroundagainstAndrewP.HillHighSchool,agiantpublicinstitutionthatdrewstudentsfromthepoorest,roughestpartofSanJose.Inthefirsthalf,Patgot his hands on the ball exactly six times, and on four of thoseoccasions scored a touchdown. By halftime Leland was ahead, 55–0.Terry Hardtke, who had become Leland’s head football coach at thebeginning of the 1993 season, didn’t want to humiliate Hill bycontinuingtorunupthescore,sohedecidedtobenchTillmanandmostof the other starters for the second half. Hardtke explained whathappenednextwhenheeulogizedPatatthelatter’smemorialservicein2004:

IwentuptoPatandsaid,“Pat,you’redonefortheday,andIdon’t want you playing any offense or to play defense.” Helookedatmewiththisrealquizzicallookandhesaid,“OK.”And as I’mgetting prepared for the second-half kickoff,myoffensive coordinator turns tome and says, “You know, Pat’sback there ready to take the kickoff.” And I looked inastonishmentandsawhimbackthere.Andhegotthekickoff,andofcourseranitbackforatouchdown.Ashecameoffthefield, I looked at him…. And he came over to me veryconfidently and said, “You mentioned nothing about specialteams.”

ToavertanyfurthersemanticconfusionthatmighttemptPattogobackontothefieldtoattemptasixthtouchdown,CoachHardtkeimmediately

confiscatedhishelmetandshoulderpads.WithPatandtheother first-stringerssittingouttheremainderofthegame,Lelandwon,61–14.OnDecember4,twoweekslater,LelandroutedMilpitasHighSchool,35–0,towintheCCSchampionship.

Pat Tillmanwas a conspicuously handsome youngman, with chiseledfeatures and a magnetic smile. But his eyes were his most arrestingfeature: greenish brown and angular, narrowly set, they were framedbetween high cheekbones and a dark, forceful brow that emphasizedtheirintensity.Dependingonhisdisposition,theycouldlookimpish,orintimidating, or wildly exuberant, but whatever emotion his eyesconveyed,therewasnomistakingit.ByPat’smidteensthewhite-blondhair of his infancy had darkened to a wheat-colored thatch with sun-bleachedstreaks,andheoftenworeittrimmedshortacrossthetempleswithshaggybangsdowntohiseyebrows,augmentedbya longmare’stailthatflappedacrosshisupperbackasheran.His good looks, cocky deportment, and status as a football star ledsomepeople toassume thathewasa stereotypical jock—entitled, self-absorbed, intellectually shallow, incurious about the world beyondfootball. Actually, Pat was none of these things. A diary he kept as asixteen-year-oldrevealsan introspectiveyouthwhomournedthedeathof a beloved cat, opined that religionwas inadequate to elucidate themysteriesofexistence,andruminatedonthedownsideofhisempatheticnature. “I can’t even be an asshole to someone anymore,” the journalsardonically notes, “without feeling bad. I’m too conscious of theirfeelings.”Despitehissensitivity,Patdidn’thaveagirlfrienduntilhissenioryearatLeland.Thegirlwithwhomhefinallyconnected,however,turnedouttobesomeonehe’dknownsincetheywerebothfouryearsold,whenhestarted playing in a kids’ soccer league. One of the teams he playedagainst includedagirlnamedMarieUgenti.As theyweregrowingup,PatandMariewenttodifferentelementaryschoolsandmiddleschools,says Marie, “but Almaden had the character of a small town. Ourfamilieskneweachother,ourbrothersplayedsports together,andourlives kept intersecting in variousways throughout our childhood.” Pat

andMarie thus remainedmoreor less on eachother’s radar, althoughthey spent little time interacting face-to-face until September 1990,whentheybothenteredLelandHighSchoolasfreshmen.Mariewas slender and fine featured,with blue eyes and long blond

hair. The Leland yearbooknotes that shewas voted the girlwith “thebest smile” by her classmates. In contrast to Pat—who was loud andmischievous, a swinger of birches for whom achieving academicexcellence wasn’t the highest priority—Marie was decorous in herbehavior,andhergradeswereoutstanding;sheexcelledinthesciencesin particular. As Benjamin Hill, an inseparable friend of Pat’s sincekindergarten,putsit,“Mariewasaverysmart,verygoodgirl. Itwasaclassiccaseofoppositesattracting.”PatcamehomefromhisfirstdayofclassesatLelandwithanunshakablecrushonher,yethefailedtoactonit for thenext threeyears—at least inpart,accordingtosomesources,becauseshewastallerthanhewasuntiltheirsenioryear.Nevertheless,saysMarie,“Wesharedthesamegroupoffriends,sowe

hungouttogetheralot.Andthingsjustsortofevolvedfromthere.”ThisdespitethefactthatMarie’sfatherhappenedtobePaulUgenti,Leland’sheadbaseballcoach—themanwho’dnixedPat’sbidtomakethevarsitybaseballteamasafreshman,motivatinghimtoswitchsportsandfocuson football instead. But Pat held no grudge against the coach or hisprogeny,andintheautumnof1993thestaroftheLelandfootballteammusteredhiscourageandfinallyaskedMarieoutonadate.Withoneofthenation’smostvibrantcitiesjustforty-fivemilesnorth,

itwould be easy to assume that as soon as Almaden kids became oldenough to drive, they would head into San Francisco at everyopportunity. But the kids in Pat and Marie’s crowd weren’t muchinclinedtogothereasteenagers.WhentheywereinthemoodtoescapetheirlocalhauntsandblowoffsteamtheyusuallydrovedowntoSantaCruz—a seaside community known for its surf culture and progressivepolitics—whichwasthirtymilesintheotherdirection.ThisiswherePattook Marie on their first date, to a restaurant called the Crow’s NestoverlookingthePacificOcean.“Wesatoutsideonthedeckupstairs,”Marieremembers.“Itwas the

beginningofOctober,anditwasalittlecoldout.Pathadn’tdatedmuch,andIcouldtellhewasnervous.Besideshismom,hehadn’treallyspent

much timearoundgirls.AndDannie toldme that raisingall boys, shedownplayedher feminine side a lot anddid things outsidewith them,teaching themtoplaysports, thatkindof thing.His ideaofwhatgirlswere all aboutwas not typical. But itwasn’t a big problem. All threeTillman brothers always had a lot of respect for theirmom. Fromhertheylearnedhowtotreatwomen.”Despite Pat’s inexperience with affairs of the heart, he and Marieestablishedwhatwould turn out to be an enduring bond. ThroughoutPat’syouth,hismother—awarm,expressive,tolerantwoman—anchoredhisexistencewithasteadfastandunconditionallove.Likemostkids,Pattookthismaternaldevotionforgranted;hewaslargelyoblivioustothedegreetowhichDannie’sunwaveringgravitationalfieldkepthishyper-kineticyoung life securely in itsorbit.AlthoughDannieandMariearedifferent insignificantways—Dannie isextrovertedandloquacious, forexample,whileMarieisdemureandemotionallyreserved—inMarieheencountered another smart, stalwart woman possessed of prodigiousforbearance, and he must have recognized on some unconscious levelthathehadfoundhissoulmate.AftertheirfirstdateinSantaCruz,asMariedescribes it,“Weprettymuchjuststayedtogether.” Infact, theywouldremaincommittedpartnersuntilPat’sdeathelevenyearslater.All of Pat’s high-school friends say that once they became a couple,Marie was a civilizing influence who helped knock off some of hissharperedges.Nevertheless,sheacknowledges,“Shortlyafterwestarteddating, he got in big trouble.” An apologetic grimace furrows herunlinedface.“HewasinthatfightatRoundTable.”

CHAPTERFIVE

The incident towhichMarie refers tookplaceonNovember13,1993,exactlyaweekafterPat’sseventeenthbirthday,onaSaturdayevening.Earlierintheday,PathadplayedinthefinalfootballgameofLeland’sregularseason,whichtheteamwontoearnaberthintheCCSplayoffs.Following the game he celebrated the victory with friends andteammates at the birthday party of a girlwhose parents had rented abanquetroomataswankyhotelindowntownSanJose.“Iarrivedlateattheparty,”Marieremembers.“Peoplehadbeendrinking,butnotalot.”Aroundnineo’clock,ormaybeslightlylater,Pat,Marie,andmanyoftheother revelers decamped for a Round Table Pizza restaurant at anondescript strip mall in Almaden. “It’s right off the AlmadenExpressway,” says Marie. “Round Table is where everyone went onweekends.”AmongthekidswhoshowedupatthepizzajointwasoneofPat’sclosestfriends,afootballteammatenamedJeffHechtle.Shortly after the Leland students had been seated in the crowded

restaurant,anineteen-year-oldgraduateofarivalschool,MikeBradford,walked in with six companions, ascertained that no tables wereavailable,anddeparted.Asthisgroupheadedforthedoor,Hechtle,whowasdrunk,gotupfromthetableandfollowedthemoutside.Bradford;hisgirlfriend,ErinClarke;hisbestfriend,DarinRosas;and

four other buddies—Ryan Stock, Scott Strong, Kemp Hare, and EricEastman—wereallsittinginsidetheirvehiclesorstandingnexttothem,preparing to drive away, when Hechtle approached the group. “I wasjustopening thedoor toget intomy truck,”Bradford says, “whenJeffHechtlecomesupbehindmeandasks,‘Hey,areyouMikeBradford?’SoIturnaroundandsay, ‘Yeah,I’mMike.’”BradfordvaguelyrecognizedHechtle fromchurch;atone timebothhadbeenmembersof the sameMormonward,ashadClarke,Rosas,andStrong.“Isortofknewwhohewas,”BradfordsaysofHechtle,“butcouldn’treallyplacehim.”

AcoupleofyearsearlierBradfordhaddatedagirlnamedJodywhohad dumped him for another guy. According to several witnesses,Hechtle began taunting Bradford by claiming to be the guy who hadstolen Jody’s heart. It was a transparent attempt on Hechtle’s part toprovokeBradford,butBradfordfailedtorisetothebait.“I juststartedlaughing,” Bradford recalls. “I had moved on from that girl, so hiscommentswerenobigdeal.ButIrazzedhimbackalittlebitwithsomecommentsofmyown,whichkindofoffendedhim.Andthenhesaid,‘Soyouwanttodosomethingaboutit?’Ijustlookedathimlike,‘Whatever,dude.’Jeffisn’tverybig.Tome,hewasn’tthekindofguyIneededtofight…. He’d made some comments about a girl I was dating yearsbefore.WhatdoIcare?”Unlike Hechtle, neither Bradford nor any of his friends wereinebriated. “It was early, around 9:30,” Bradford says. “We wereplanningongettingprimedup,butwehadn’tstarteddrinkingyet.Allofusweresober.”Hechtle,whoisonlyfivefeetsixinchestall,“justkeptgoingonandon,” recalls Darin Rosas. “It was obvious he wasn’t leaving until hestartedsomething.Miketotallydidnotwanttogodownthisroad,butall the smack-talk finallygot tobe toomuch forour friendRyan,whoyelled, ‘Kick the shit out of him, Mike!’ or something like that.” Themistsof timehaveobscuredwho threw the firstpunch,butamomentlater the fightwason.BradfordgrabbedHechtle’sarmandswunghimintoaconcretepillar.HechtlepushedRyanStockupagainstoneoftherestaurant’s front windows, delivered a couple of punches to his face,andputhiminaheadlockasBradfordbeganpummelingHechtlewithhisfists.Asthemeleeunfoldedinfrontofthem,Rosas,Clarke,Strong,Hare,andEastmanhungbackatasafedistanceandwatchedwithamixofalarmandfascination.No more than fifteen seconds after the fight commenced, one ofHechtle’s Leland compadres pokedhis head out of the restaurant doorand observed Hechtle getting his ass kicked by two much biggerstrangers. “Go get Pat!” Hechtle yelled. “Go get Pat!” Unaware thatHechtle had incited the altercation, the kid ducked back inside andshoutedtoPatandtherestoftheLelandkidsthatHechtlewasgettingbeatenupbyamobjustoutsidetherestaurantdoor.

Pat was the first of at least ten Leland football players who cameburstingoutofRoundTablePizzatorescueHechtle.TheinstantRosas,Strong, Hare, and Eastman saw the fury on the faces of Pat and hisfriends,theyboltedacrosstheparkinglot,runningfortheirlives.Pat’s inner circle at Leland included perhaps a dozen kids. He wasextremelyclose to severalof them,butnobodywasmore important tohimthanJeffHechtle.Moreover,HechtlehadaserioushealthconditionthatmadePatfeelespeciallyprotective:hewasbornwitharare,poorlyunderstood affliction known as a hairy nevus, which caused immensemoles to growovermuchofhis body.Whenhewasborn,his parentsweretoldhewouldn’tsurvive.Thelargestofthelesionscoveredmostofhis head. Hechtle underwent a series of exceedingly complex, verypainfulsurgeries,leavingmostoftheleftsideofhisheadcoveredinscartissue.Becauseit isfragileandlackstheelasticityofnormalskin,suchtissueiseasilytorn.Sprintingfromthepizzajointintothesuburbannight,Patassessedthesituation unfolding in front of him,mistakenly concluded thatHechtlewasbeingassaultedbyapackofthugs,andmadeasplit-seconddecisionto right this grievouswrong by taking out the largest of the apparentattackers,who appeared to be a tall guy now fleeing the scene of thefight.ThetallguywasDarinRosas,andPat,saysErinClarke,“madeabeelineforDarin.”“PatsawDarinrunningaway,”ScottStrongspeculates,“andprobablythoughthewasrunningbecausehe’ddonesomethingtohisfriend.”“Alltheseguyscamerushingout,”saysRosas.“Ihadnoideawhoanyof themwere.All I knew is theywere football players, and theywerebig.Iwasasurfer.Iwasn’tintocontactsports.SoIjuststartedrunning.Othersdid,too,butIwastheonewhogotcaught.Iranprobablyaboutsixorsevenstepsbeforesomebodyhitmeinthebackoftheheadandknocked me out.” The blow, which came from one of Tillman’s fists,droppedRosastotheasphaltlikeasackofpotatoes.MuchofPat’sbrillianceonthefootballfieldderivedfromhisuncannyability to anticipate the moves of opposing players, react withouthesitation, and tackle the ballcarrier with a tooth-rattling hit. But Pathad just turned seventeen, and like those of other kids that age, his

dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex—the region of the brain that weighsconsequences—was far from fully developed. In this instance, hisdubiousadolescentjudgmentwasfurtherdistortedbybothalcoholandhisconvictionthatoneofhisdutiesinlifewastobetheprotectorofthevulnerable,theguardianofhisfriendsandfamily.TheupshotwasthatPatflattenedthewrongguy.Rosaswasjustaspectatorwhohadnothingtodowiththefight.AlthoughhewasapproximatelythreeinchestallerthanPatandmore

thantwoyearsolder,Rosaswasaskinnynineteen-year-oldwhohadn’tgrown into his body yet. According toMike Bradford, “He was not afighter,absolutelynot.AndI’mnotsayingthatjusttostickupforhim.Ifhewasafighter,I’dtellyou.Imean,outofourgroupoffriends,Iwasknownastheguywhowouldgohitsomeoneif Ineededto,butDarinwasn’tlikethat.Hewasn’ttheaggressivetype.”Pat didn’t know any of this, however, and in his frenzied state he

didn’tpausetoinquire.OverreactingtotheperceivedthreattoHechtle,Patwentberserk.When Pat delivered that first punch to Rosas’s head, Rosas was

knockedcold,butforonlyafewseconds.Whenheregainedasemblanceofconsciousness,hewaslyingonhissideintheparkinglotundergoinganextendedassaultfromTillman.“WhatPatdidtoDarinwasmorethanjust,like,‘I’llhityouuntilyou’redownandthenmoveon,’”saysScottStrong.“Itkeptgoing.Patwastakingcareofhim.”“I felt like I was in a washing machine,” Rosas says, “getting spun

aroundandhitfromalldirections—punchesandkicksandpunchesandkicks….ThenErinjumpedinandtriedtostophim.TherewerealotofpeoplejuststandingtherewatchingTillmankicktheshitoutofme,andshewas theonlyonewhowasbraveenough todoanything. Iwas sogratefultoher.”“I remember Pat had awhite shirt on, and slacks, andwaswearing

dressshoes, likehehadjustcomefromadressyoccasion,”ErinClarkerecalls.“DarinwasonthegroundandPatwaskickinghim,soIjumpedinbetweenthemtotryandstopit.IwastouchingPat’sarm,yelling,‘Hedidn’tdoanything!Hedidn’tdoanything!’butPatlookedrightthroughmelikeIwasn’tthere.HewasjustsoaggressivelysetonhurtingDarin

thatheseemedlikehedidn’tevenseeme.“Darin was sort of curled on his side in a fetal position,” Clarkecontinues,

andPatkeptkickinghiminthefaceandchestandstomach.Hewasenraged,absolutelyenraged.Itriedtostandbetweenthem,andIkeptsaying,“Hedidn’tdoanything!”butPatgrabbedmebytheupperarmsandjusttossedmeaside,atwhichpointoneofhis friendsgrabbedmeandheldmeback. I remember thispersonrepeatingoverandover,“Justlethimdoit.Lethimdoit.”Now,somanyyears later, I’mwilling togive thisguy thebenefitofthedoubt—thathewasjusttryingtoprotectmefromgettinginthemiddleofafight—butatthetimeIwassoangry.IkeptyellingatthesefootballplayerstoletmegoandtostophurtingDarin.Theyyelledbackatme,callingmethe“B-word,”whichwasveryhurtful.

Because theRedmondPlazashoppingcenterwasapopularweekendhangout for adolescents, there was an off-duty policeman workingsecurity every Friday and Saturday night; the cop’s base of operationswasa7-Elevenattheotherendofthestripmall,ahundredyardsaway.Withinminutesof the startof thebrawl, theofficerhustledacross theparkinglottobreakitup,andadditionalpolicearrivedsoonthereafter.Patceasedhisassaultassoonasthecopsshowedup.Rosaswaslyingonthepavement,dazedandbleedingfromhismouthandlefteye.MikeBradfordkneeledbesidehisheadandtriedtocomforthim.“Helookedhorrible,” says KempHare, whowas observing from a few feet away.“Hisequilibriumwastotallyoutofwhack.Hecouldn’twalk.”Whenhe saw the police, Pat snappedout of his enraged trance andimmediatelyseemedtorecognizethathe’ddoneseriousharmtoRosas.“He told the officers that he was sorry,” says Erin. “He acted veryconcerned,explainedtothecopsthathe’dthoughtDarinwashurtinghisfriend, said that he couldn’t believe he’dmade such a serious error injudgment. His demeanor completely changed. All of a sudden he wasveryrespectful.”AccordingtoRosas,“Someoneeventuallypulledmeupofftheground

andtriedtowalkmearound,butIwasdizzyandcompletelyoutofit,sotheysatmedownon thecurb. I remember sitting therewithmyheaddown,justspittingoutbloodandchunksofteeth….Itriedtotalk,buttherewasjustsomuchbloodandsomanylittlepiecesofteeth.AsIwassittingtherewithmyheadbetweenmyknees, that’swhenPatTillmancameover.He said, ‘I’m so sorry. Itwasa caseofmistaken identity. Imade a bad mistake. We’ll take care of this.’ He was apologizingprofusely.”PatgavehiscontactinformationtoRosas,whosefriendsthenputhim

into Eric Eastman’s car and drove him to nearby Good SamaritanHospital,where Rosaswas treated in the emergency room. Very earlySundaymorning, after Rosas was released from the hospital, Eastmandrovehim tohishome inFolsom,a suburbofSacramento.During thethree-hour drive they had to pull over twice to let Rosas vomit—asymptom of the concussion he’d suffered. When Rosas arrived home,sayshismother,CarolRosas,“IcamedownstairsandlookedathimandIjustcouldn’tbelievewhatIsaw.Hisoneeyewasswollenshut,andhisteethhadbeenkickedin.Hewashurtsobadwetookhimbacktotheemergency room.” Twenty-four hours later, Darin also receivedemergency dental care, the first of five visits he would make to thedentistoverthefollowingweeks.

CHAPTERSIX

The Sundaymorning after the Round Table brawl, Bob Rosas, Darin’sfather, calledPat’s father athomeand said, “My songothurtbyyourson.Whatareyougoingtodoaboutit?”Pat’sfatherexplainedthathewasn’tawareDarinhadbeenseriouslyinjured.ThenhetookMr.Rosas’sphonenumberandsaidhewouldgetbacktohim.According to Dannie Tillman’s book, Boots on the Ground by Dusk,

whenshetoldPataboutthephonecallfromDarin’sfather,Patbecamevisiblyupset,walkedoutside,andclimbedaeucalyptustreebehindthefamilyhome inNewAlmaden.Dannie followedhim into theyardandsaidtheyneededtotalk,whereuponPatcamedownfromthetreeandtearfully explained how he had mistakenly beaten up Rosas. Danniesuggested to Pat that they drive up to Sacramento, apologize toRosasandhisfamily,andoffertopayhismedicalbillswithsomemoneyshe’drecentlyinheritedfromhergrandmother.WhenDannietoldherhusbandabout what they had resolved to do, however, he expressed seriousreservations.Speakingfromanattorney’sperspective,heexplainedthatthe actions theyproposedmight beperceived as an admissionof guiltthatcould leave themvulnerablenotonly tocriminalchargesbut toacivilclaimaswell.SoDannieagreed,reluctantly,thatsheandPatwouldnot contact Rosas or his family. The next communiqué the TillmanfamilyreceivedregardingthematterwasanotificationfromSantaClaraCounty law enforcement officers that Pat had been charged with afelony:assaultwithadeadlyweapon.Felony assault is a serious criminal charge. Were Pat to be found

guilty,theconvictionwouldhaveanenormousimpactonhisfuture.Butbecause the first hearing wasn’t scheduled until March 1994, fourmonthslater,therewaslittletobedoneaboutitforthetimebeing.“Patappreciated the seriousness of the charge,”Marie remembers, “but hetriednot toworry toomuchaboutwhatmighthappenbecause itwassuchalongprocessandhewasn’tthetypetositthereandbroodandget

all twistedaroundsomething.Hewas sortof like, ‘Okay, I’lldealwiththetrialwhenithappens.’”

After Leland won the CCS championship in December 1993, Pat wasvotedoneof two “CCSplayers of the year.”This honor, reflecting theextraordinary statistics he’d tallied over the season, seemed to ensurethathewouldbeofferedascholarshiptoplaycollegefootballatoneofthenation’spremierDivisionI-Aprograms.HeespeciallyhopedtowinascholarshiptoattendStanford,whichwasjusttwenty-fivemilesfromhishome,or theUniversityofWashington,becauseSeattle’smistyclimateandcoffeeculturecapturedPat’s imagination.Tobetterhis chancesofgetting a full ridewith a competitive football program, he decided topresenthimself asadefensive specialist rather thana jack-of-all-tradeswhoexcelledonoffense,defense,andspecialteams—eventhoughthat’spreciselywhathehaddoneinhighschool.DespitePat’sstrategizing,astherecruitingperiodranitscourseonlythree schools indicated any real interest in him: Arizona StateUniversity, San Jose State University, and Brigham Young University.Theproblemwasthatonpaper,Pat’ssizeandspeedweren’texceptional.For example, he ran the forty-yard dash (considered one of the mostimportant benchmarks for evaluating wide receivers, running backs,defensive backs, and linebackers) in 4.55 seconds—which was mightydamnfast,butnotquiteasfastasthepremierfootballprospectsinthecountry.*CollegecoacheswhohadneverwitnessedtheferocityofPat’stackles, or observed the intelligence with which he dissected theoffensive schemes of his opponents, assumedhewas too small to playlinebackerattheelitecollegelevel,andtooslowtoplaycornerbackorsafety.Patwascrushed.Buthewasalsopragmatic.Assessinghisremainingoptions,hedidn’tthinkhisfreewheelingpersonalitywasagoodfitwiththe restrained, straitlaced Mormon culture of BYU, and he couldn’tmusteranyenthusiasmfortherelativelyundistinguishedSanJoseStatefootballprogram.Bydefault,therefore,hesethissightsonASU.AccordingtoMarie,iftheSunDevilsfailedtoofferhimascholarship,“Patsaidhewouldhavequitplayingfootballaltogether.Hewouldhave

justtransitionedintothenextphaseofhislife.Hedidn’tthinkfootballwasallhehadgoingforhim.”InJanuary1994,TillmantraveledtoTempe,Arizona,totourtheASUcampusandmeetheadcoachBruceSnyder.Pat’sno-bullshitcandorandforthright demeanor made an impression on Snyder. Acting on littlemore than a hunch, he offered Pat the last of the twenty-fivescholarships available for ASU football recruits. On February 2, Patsigned a formal letter of intent committing him to play for ASU. Hedidn’tmentiontoSnyderoranyoneelseattheuniversitythathewouldsoonbestandingtrialforfelonyassault.Pat knew, however, that were he to be convicted of a felony, thescholarship would certainly be rescinded. “There’s always a moralturpitudeclauseinthosescholarshipagreements,”explainsDanJensen,theSanJoseattorneyhiredbytheTillmanstorepresentPatinjuvenilecourt.ThejudgeassignedtoPat’scase,saysJensen,“wasastrict,toughjudge. But we showed her that he had a scholarship and he wasdefinitelygoingtoloseitifhegotconvictedofafelony.Soonherown,overtheobjectionsofthedistrictattorney,shereducedthechargesfromfelony assault to misdemeanor assault. And Pat wasn’t required todisclose amisdemeanor to the school.” The judge sentenced Pat to beincarcerated for thirty days in the county lockup for juveniles and tofulfill250hoursofcommunityservice.Hewouldbeallowedtocompletehislastyearofhighschoolbeforereportingforjail.DarinRosas,hisfamily,andhisfriendswereextremelyupsetthatthejudgehad reduced the charges. “Iwasangry,”ErinClarke remembers.“At the time Ididn’t agreewith the sentenceat all. It seemed like thejudge was more worried about Pat losing his scholarship than whathappenedtoDarin.Ifeltlike,‘Darinisthevictimhere.Whyisn’tanyoneworried about Darin?’ It didn’t seem like justice had been served.”Fourteenyearsafterthatdayincourt,however,Clarkehascometoseethingsdifferently.In April 2004, she says, “I was driving my daughter to school onemorningwhenIheardontheradiothatPatTillmanhadbeenkilled. Iremembertheairbeingsuckedoutofmylungs. Itwaslikeapunchinthestomach….HewasthefirstpersonIknewwhohaddiedinthewar,andthatmorningthewarsuddenlybecameveryrealtome.”Later,from

the floodof newsaboutTillman,Clarke learnedabout thedecisionhemadetojointheArmyafter9/11,andthesacrificeshe’dmadetodoit,and she was profoundly moved. She lamented that her only personalknowledge of Tillman revolved around one of the most regrettableincidents inhis life. “What I take fromPatTillman is thatyouarenotwhoyouareatyourworstmoment.AfterwhatPatdidtoDarin,itseemslike he really turned his life around and became quite an honorableperson.”ReflectingontheRoundTablebrawlanditsaftermath,Clarkemuses,

“That judgeheldPat’s future inherhands.Shehad thepower to sendhimdownonepathor another, and shedecided tomakewhat turnedouttobeareallygooddecision.Shesaid,‘I’mgoingtobelieveinyou—I’m going to believe you’re going to take this opportunity and do thebestyoupossiblycanwithit.’Andyouknowwhat?Itsoundslikethat’swhat he did. I don’t think there aremany people on this planet whowouldhavedoneaswellwiththatkindofsecondchance.”

*Bycomparison,RandyMoss,thestarreceiveroftheNFL’sNewEnglandPatriots,hasrunfortyyardsin4.25seconds.DeionSanderswasofficiallyclockedat4.17inhisprime,andonceranaforty-yarddashbackwardin4.57seconds.

CHAPTERSEVEN

Sanghisarisavillageoffortresslike,mud-walledhomesrisingfromaflatexpanseofopiumfields in thePanjwayiDistrictofKandaharProvince.InmostregardsitresemblesahundredothercrumblinghamletsinthisaridcornerofsoutheasternAfghanistan.Butinthespringof1994,asPatwas contemplating his impending incarceration, this particularcommunity altered the course of history when the village mullah—adevout but unsophisticated thirty-five-year-old Pashtun namedMohammed Omar—gave birth to the Taliban in Sanghisar’s one-roommosque.CivilwarwasraginginthewakeoftheSovietwithdrawal.Although

the worst of the violence was focused in and around Kabul, chaosafflictedtheentirenation.Muchofthefightingwasbetweenrivalethnicgroups:Tajiks ledbyAhmadShahMassoudandBurhanuddinRabbani;Ghazi Pashtuns led by Gulbuddin Hekmatyar and Jalaluddin Haqqani;Uzbeks controlledby the ex-communistRashidDostum;Heratis ledbyIsmail Khan. But even in regions that were ethnically homogeneous—Kandahar, for example, was populated almost entirely by DurraniPashtuns—the political landscape had splintered into a hodgepodge oftribal realms ruled by warlords whose militias battled each otherviciouslyforturfandplunder.Before the Soviet invasion, Kandahar’s farmers produced an

abundanceoffigs,melons,peaches,grapes,andpomegranatesthatweredeservedlyrenownedforbeingthemostdelectableonearth.Aspartofthe scorched-earth policy they implemented against the mujahideen,however,theSovietsnotonlyobliteratedtheseorchardsandvineyards;they also destroyed the elaborate, centuries-old irrigation systems thathad enabled the desert to bloom. To survive, the farmers startedcultivatingpoppiesinstead,whichneededtobewateredonlyonceeveryfive days or so. And as the opium fields proliferated, militias vied tocontrol the lucrative traffic in “floweroil”—a local euphemism for the

gummy brown sap scraped from the plant’s seed capsules to produceheroin.Smuggling narcotics was just one among many criminal endeavorspursued by the warlords, whose entrepreneurial instincts had themconstantlylookingforwaystoexpandtheirsourcesofrevenue.So-calledcheckpoints,forinstance,sproutedlikenoxiousweedsalongeveryroadinAfghanistan.Themajorthoroughfares—especiallyHighwayA1,whichformedagiantlooparoundtheentirenationtolinkitsprincipalcities—were plagued by hundreds if not thousands of such checkpoints,typicallyconsistingofachainoralogpulledacrosstheroad,attendedbythreeorfourbeardedmenbrandishingAK-47s.Everytimeatrucker,farmer,orothertravelerencounteredoneoftheseroadblocks,hewouldbe asked at gunpoint to pay a “road tax.” Refusal was not an option.Womenweresometimesraped.SanghisarislinkedtoHighwayA1viaatwo-milemazeofcrudedirtlanes. After the junction with the paved highway, twenty-threeadditionalmilesofpotholedmacadamleadeast toKandaharCity—theprovincialcapitalandsecond-largestcityinAfghanistan.In1994,duringaroutinetriptoKandahar,MullahOmarwasstoppedandshakendownfor cash at five different checkpoints on this one short stretch ofhighway,whichmadehimsoangrythatheorganizedatribalcouncil—ajirga—ofmorethanfiftymullahstoeradicatetheroadblocksandhalttheextortion.Thereligiousleadersdecidedtostartsmallbypoolingtheirweapons,forming a militia of their own, and forcefully removing a singlecheckpoint—theonenearesttoSanghisar.Itwastakenforgrantedthatbloodwouldbespilled,buttheybelievedtheircausewasrighteousandsawnootheroption,inanycase.Ontheappointeddaytheyapproachedthecheckpointwarilywiththeirrifleslockedandloaded,preparedforafirefight, but as they drew near, a surprising thing happened: thehooligans manning the checkpoint fled without firing a shot.Encouraged, themullahs turned their attention to the next checkpointseveralmiles down the road, and the outcomewas similar. Before theweek was out, they succeeded in removing every roadblock betweenSanghisarandKandahar.AndthuswastheTalibancreated.Thename—aPashtowordmeaning“studentsofIslam”—wasbestowedbyOmar.

Thewarlordsoftheday,unrestrainedbyanylaworgoverningbody,committed reprehensible acts with impunity. Seizing young boys andgirls and forcing them into sexual slavery were routine occurrences.According toAhmedRashid’sbookTaliban, soonafter theTalibanwasfounded,SanghisarresidentsalertedOmarthatalocalcommander

had abducted two teenage girls, their heads had been shavedand they had been taken to a military camp and repeatedlyraped. Omar enlisted some 30 Talibs who had only 16 riflesbetween them and attacked the base, freeing the girls andhangingthecommanderfromthebarrelofatank….A fewmonths later two commanders confronted eachotherin Kandahar, in a dispute over a young boywhom bothmenwanted to sodomize. In the fight that followed civilianswerekilled.Omar’s group freed the boy and public appeals startedcoming in for the Taliban to help out in other local disputes.Omar had emerged as a RobinHood figure, helping the pooragainst the rapacious commanders. His prestige grew becausehe asked for no reward or credit from those he helped, onlydemandingthattheyfollowhimtosetupajustIslamicsystem.

Tallandsinewy,Omarisashy,uncharismaticmanwholosthisrighteyetoshrapnelwhilefightingNajibullah’scommunistforcesduringthemujahideen’s failed assault on Jalalabad in 1989. Although a lifelongscholarofIslam,hepossessesaplodding,narrowintellectandhaslittleknowledge of, or interest in, worldly affairs. His interpretation of theQuranisstringently literal.Butatsomepointduring1994theProphetMuhammadcametothishumblevillagemullahintheformofavision,in which it was revealed to Omar that Allah had chosen him toundertakethetaskofbringingpeacetoAfghanistan.Omar,whoplacedgreat stock in dreams and apparitions, resolved to obey the Prophet’scommandment. Toward that end he began recruiting students frommadrassas—religiousschools—tojoinhiscause.Althoughhewasnotadynamicspeaker,MullahOmarmadeupforhislackofpersonalcharmwithearnestnessandunwaveringpiety.Hispitchto the students was well received, particularly in the numerous

madrassasthathadsprungupinthePashtuntribaldistrictsthatlayjustacross the border in Pakistan. For nearly fifteen years more than twomillionAfghanrefugeeshadbeensubsistinginsqualidrefugeecampsonthePakistansideofthefrontier,andthemadrassastherewereteemingwith the sons of these refugees—young men indoctrinated by fire-breathingSaudiclericspreachingthefundamentalistWahhabidoctrine.These clerics instructed the Afghan youths to emulate the righteoushabits of the Prophet Muhammad with the aim of reinstating thecaliphatehehadestablishedintheseventhcentury.Torestoretheworldtothisfabledstateofpurity,theywereurgedtoimmersethemselvesinthe holy spirit of jihad. As Lawrence Wright explains in The LoomingTower,

These boys had grown up in an exclusively male world,separated from their families for long periods of time. Thetraditionsandcustomsandloreoftheircountryweredistanttothem.Theywere stigmatizedasbeggarsand sissies,andoftenpreyed upon by men who were isolated from women.Entrenchedintheirstudies,whichwererigidlyconcentratedontheQuranandShariaand theglorificationof jihad, the talibsimagined a perfect Islamic society, while lawlessness andbarbarity ran rampant all around them. They lived in theshadowsof their fathers andolderbrothers,whohadbroughtdown the mighty superpower, and they were eager to gainglory for themselves. Whenever the Taliban army requiredreinforcements,themadrassasinPeshawarandtheTribalAreassimplyshutdownclassesandthestudentswenttowar,praisingGodasthebusesferriedthemacrosstheborder.

TheTalibanranksexpandedwithastonishingspeed,an indicationofthe craving among Afghans and Afghan refugees for a national leaderwhowoulderadicatetheubiquitouscorruption,haltthedepravity,andresurrecttheruleoflaw.ButthefastriseoftheTalibanowedmuchaswell to clandestine financial backing from the Directorate for Inter-Services Intelligence—the ISI, Pakistan’s equivalent to the CIA—althoughtheTalibanhasneveracknowledgedthesubstantialassistanceit received from Pakistan over many years (and still receives today

accordingtocrediblesources).Islamabad’sreasonsforsupportingtheTalibanwerecomplex.WithintheISI,forexample,therewas(andremainstoday)aninfluentialcadreofIslamistswhosharedMullahOmar’sfundamentalisttheology.ManyinPakistan in factviewed theTalibanandother fundamentalist jihadisasaneffectivebulwarkagainstaggressionby India,Pakistan’sarchenemyand nuclear rival, along the disputed border the two nations share inKashmir. But Pakistan was also motivated to fund the Taliban forreasonsthathadmoretodowithlucrethanreligionornationaldefense:Pakistan’s trucking industryhad longbeenmonopolizedbyapowerfultransport mafia, and this organization aggressively lobbied PrimeMinister Benazir Bhutto to open a reliable overland trade route acrossAfghanistan in order to bolster commerce between Pakistan and theCentral Asia republics of Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, and Kazakhstan.Before Pakistan’s truckers could start hauling goods to and from thesecountriesviaAfghanistanHighwayA1,however,thewarlordsneededtobebroughttoheel,andtheTalibanappearedtoofferthebestprospectsforaccomplishingthis.On October 29, 1994, a convoy of thirty trucks organized byPakistan’s interior minister rolled west into Afghanistan to assess thesecurity of the route through Kandahar. The convoy was led by afundamentalistcolonelintheISIwhowasguidedandadvisedbyapairof Taliban subcommanders. The trucks were driven and guarded byeightywell-armedex-soldiers from thePakistanArmy.Despite the sizeofthissecurityforce,aconfederacyoflocalwarlordsbrazenlyhijackedtheentireconvoyasitapproachedKandaharCity.Islamabadwasoutraged,andbrieflyconsideredsendingacontingentof elite Pakistani commandos to rescue the convoy, but ultimately theBhuttoadministrationdeterminedtheplanwastooriskyandrejectedit.Instead, it asked the Taliban to perform the rescue, andMullahOmarobliged. OnNovember 3, Taliban forces overran thewarlords’militia,executed its commander, and liberated the trucks. That same night,takingadvantageof theirmomentum, theyattackedothermilitias thatcontrolledKandaharCityandroutedthemaswell.WithinafewweekstheTalibanwere incontrolof theentireprovince.By theendof1994their forces had swelled to twelve thousand fighters, mostlymadrassa

students, someasyoungas fourteenyearsold.By themiddleof1995,Omar had twenty-five thousand jihadis under his command, hecontrolled half the provinces in Afghanistan, and the Taliban wereadvancingsteadilynorthtowardKabul.Omar’simpressionableyoungfightersbelievedthatbecausetheywere

holywarriorsdirectedby thewillofAllah, theTalibancouldnot lose,andthisauraofinvincibilityaffectedthemujahideentheywerefighting.When confronted by approaching Taliban forces, on several occasionsmujahideenfighterssimplysurrenderedenmasse,withoutfiringashot,and then joined the Taliban themselves, at least in the case of thePashtun mujahideen the Taliban encountered in the southern andeastern provinces. Among those who defected and came over to theTalibanwasJalaluddinHaqqani, fromKhost, considered tobeperhapsthemosttalentedandeffectiveofthemujahideencommanders.Energized by the Taliban’s victoriousmarch north, and inflamed by

religious fervor, Mullah Omar enacted his singularly draconianinterpretation of Sharia, or Islamic law. By decree, every man wasrequired to grow a beard no shorter than the span of his fist.Womenwere forbidden towork outside the home, or be seen in public unlessaccompanied by amale relative and covered head to toe in a stiflingburqa.Girlswereforbiddentoattendschool.Astrictbanwasenactedonsuch “unclean things” as satellite dishes, movies, videos, musicalinstruments, musical recordings, singing, dancing, dog racing, kiteflying, chess, marbles, billiards, alcoholic beverages, computers,televisions, wine, lobster, nail polish, homing pigeons, firecrackers,statues,pictures,andChristmascards.Despite this chilling assault on education, the rights ofwomen, and

ordinarypleasures,theinitialresponseofmostcountries(includingtheUnitedStates) to theascendancyof theTalibanranged fromapathy toguarded optimism. Any political entity that managed to replaceAfghanistan’s hellish state of anarchy with some kind of order wasthoughttobeagoodthing.Orsoitseemedatthetime.As Taliban forces continued to advance north and west into non-

Pashtun regions, their progress slowed, and they even suffered somesignificant defeats. In the spring of 1995, twenty thousand Talibanfighters supported by tanks and jets advanced on Herat, adjacent to

Afghanistan’s western border with Iran. When the Taliban attacked,Herati forces led by Commander Ismail Khan slaughtered hundreds ofyoungmadrassa students and forced theTaliban to retreat all thewaybacktoKandahar.OmarsentadesperatemessagetomadrassasthroughoutthePakistan

Tribal Areas requesting reinforcements, and thousands of fresh-facedstudents responded without hesitation, eager to serve Allah, bearingarms provided by the ISI. Once they had regrouped, the Talibancounterattacked,andthistimetheydecimatedKhan’sforcesandforcedKhantofleetoIran.InSeptembertheTalibancapturedHerat,thefive-thousand-year-old city celebrated in the writings of Herodotus,consideredthecradleofAfghancivilization.By early 1996, the Taliban had reached the margins of Kabul,

threatening to overrun the nation’s capital. Until then, the mainmujahideen factions—led by Massoud, Hekmatyar, and Dostum—hadcontinued to fight one another for control of Kabul, inflicting anappalling tollon thecityand its inhabitants.But thearrivalofMullahOmar’s army on Kabul’s outskirts frightened the mujahideencommanders into calling a hasty truce and joining forces against theTaliban—acoalitiondubbedtheNorthernAlliance.Throughmostofthespringandsummerthestruggleforthecapitaldegeneratedintoabloodystalemate in which several thousand civilians were killed by Talibanrocket attacks. Then, in August, Omar persuaded Pakistan and SaudiArabiatoincreasetheirsupportinordertoprovidetheTalibanwiththemeanstolaunchadecisiveoffensive.In a shrewd tactical move, this offensive was not directed at Kabul

itself. Instead, the Taliban skirted the capital and attacked importantNorthernAlliancebasestothenorthandeast,whichwerecapturedwithease. The Taliban were fortified in these battles by swarms of freshrecruits from madrassas across the border, whose arrival at the frontlines was expedited by Pakistan. By late September the Taliban hadsurroundedKabul, andhad severed all lines of supply to theNorthernAlliance.Cedingtotheinevitable,underthecoverofdarknessMassoudpulledbackallthewaytohisredoubtinthePanjshirValley,deepinthemountainsoftheHinduKush,leavingKabulvirtuallyundefended.On the night of September 26, 1996, Mullah Omar’s fighters rolled

into the capital without resistance, wearing their trademark blackturbansandflyingthewhiteTalibanflagfromtheirToyotaHiluxpickuptrucks. The first thing they did was search out the ex-president andSovietpuppet,MohammedNajibullah.Hewas foundaround1:00a.m.athisresidenceinsideaUnitedNationsdiplomaticcompound,wherehehad been living under house arrest since being forced from office in1992,spendinghisdaysliftingweights,watchingsatellitetelevision,andtranslatinganEnglishhistoryofAfghanistanintohisnativePashto.ThefivemenwhofoundhimwereledbythecommanderoftheassaultonKabul, a Talib named Mullah Abdul Razaq. During the Najibullahregime, the Soviets had killed severalmembers of Razaq’s family, andhe’dbeenwaitingtoexactrevengeonNajibullaheversince.AfterbrutallybeatingNajibullahandhisbrother,Shahpur,Razaqandhis men drove them to the Presidential Palace, where Najibullah wascastratedandthendraggedthroughthestreetsaroundthepalacebehindatruck,stillalive.Finallyhewasshottodeath,Shahpurwasstrangled,andwirenooseswere twistedaround thenecksofbothbrothers.Theywere thenstrungup fromapolicewatchtowerabovea trafficcircle inthemiddle of Kabul. Amob formed around the deadmen, beat theirbodieswithsticks,andshovedrolled-uprupeesintotheirnostrils.Thiswasnotthesortof“order”thathadbeenenvisionedbyWesterngovernments when they expressed the hope that Mullah Omar wouldprove tobe thePashtunequivalentofGeorgeWashingtonandbecomethesaviorofhisnation—anationthatOmarhadrecentlyrenamedtheIslamicEmirateofAfghanistan.TheTalibannowgovernedthecountry,nevertheless. The administration of President Bill Clinton issuedcontradictorystatementsaboutthisturnofevents,muddyingthewatersabout whether the United States approved of the country’s newleadershiporopposedit.ButsomeAmericanswereencouraged.Unocal,theAmericanoil company,believed thatwith theTaliban incontrol itmightbeabletofinallyrealizeitsambitiontobuildalucrativepipelineacrossAfghanistantocarrynaturalgasfromtheformerSovietrepublicof Turkmenistan to Pakistan. Just weeks after Kabul was captured,Unocal opened an office in Kandahar, not far from Mullah Omar’sheadquarters.To the handful of intelligence analysts who were paying close

attention, however, there were many reasons to be alarmed by theTalibanvictory,aswellasbyotherrecentdevelopmentsinAfghanistan.During the Soviet occupation, the CIA had handed out some twenty-three hundred Stinger antiaircraft missiles to the Afghan freedomfighters.TheTalibannowpossessedatleastfifty-threeofthem.Anotherfive hundred to six hundred Stingers remained unaccounted for, butwerebelievedtobeinthehandsofwarlordssomewhereinthecountry.And Sheik Osama bin Laden, who had left Afghanistan in 1990, wasback.Afterdepartingin1990,he’dresettledinhishomeland,SaudiArabia.Not long thereafter, Iraq invaded Kuwait, prompting bin Laden topropose to the Saudi royal family that he lead 30,000 veterans of theSoviet-AfghanWar intobattle against SaddamHusseinon theirbehalf.The Saudi leadership unceremoniously declined bin Laden’s offer.Instead,theyinvitedtheUnitedStatestobase300,000soldiersinSaudiArabia,whichbinLadenperceivedasanintolerableinsult.Incensed,hestartedmusteringanarmyofholywarriors,whichcausedhis family—amongthemostprominentintheArabworld—todisownhim,andtheSaudistoputhimunderhousearrest.In1992,binLadenfledtoKhartoum,thecapitalofSudan,whereheescalated his criticisms of both the United States and the Saudi royalfamily, and establishedmilitary training campswhere hundreds of al-Qaeda fighters were taught to build bombs and conduct acts ofterrorism.BythistimetheCIAhadfinallybeguntopayattentiontobinLaden, and the agency viewed his activities in Sudan with growingalarm. Tremendous pressure was subsequently brought to bear on thepresident of Sudan to expel bin Laden, and eventually, with sincereapologies, theformertoldthelatterthatthetimehadcomeforhimtoleave. Furious, bin Ladendepartedbut vowed to exact revengeon theUnitedStatesforuprootinghim.Andthenhecontactedsomeofhisoldmujahideen associates in Jalalabad to let them know he was in themarket foranewhome.When theAfghans replied that theywouldbedelighted to have the sheik back among them, bin Laden beganpreparationstoshifthisentirebaseofoperationstoAfghanistan.Uponlearning of his plans, American officials smugly congratulatedthemselvesfordisplacinghimfromSudan.

Bin Laden departed Khartoum in a chartered jet on May 18, 1996,refueledintheUnitedArabEmirates,andlandedinJalalabad.Twotripswere required to ferry his entourage,which included three of his fourwives, several children, and approximately a hundred bodyguards. InAfghanistan hewaswarmlywelcomed by three commanders from theNorthern Alliance, who provided him with austere accommodations afewmilesoutsideofthecity.At the time of bin Laden’s return, Mullah Omar and most of the

Taliban leadership were extremely wary of him; among numerousreasonsfordistrustingbinLaden,hehadcometoAfghanistanasaguestof the Northern Alliance, with whom the Taliban were then fightingviciously for control of the country. But bin Laden’s longtime friendCommander Jalaluddin Haqqani had recently defected to the Taliban,andwhenOmar’s forces capturedKabul fourmonths after bin Laden’sarrival,binLadendecideditwouldbewisetomakeanoverturetothemanwho had just driven his erstwhile hosts from Jalalabad and nowruled the nation. Bin Laden therefore dispatched a confidant toKandaharandrequestedanaudiencewiththeTalibanleadership.An Octobermeetingwas arranged in Kabul between bin Laden and

oneofOmar’smosttrusteddeputies.Bythetimeitconcluded,binLadenhadswornanoathofloyaltytotheTalibanregime,andtheTalibanhadreciprocatedbypromisinghimsanctuary.Therapprochementseemedtopleasebothpartiesverymuch.TherelationshipwassealedamonthlaterwhenbinLadentraveledto

KandahartomeetOmarintheflesh.Uponbeingintroduced,theSaudisheikflatteredtheonce-humblemullahofSanghisarbyaddressinghimas Amir al-Mu’minin, “the Prince of the Faithful”—a rarely bestowedhonorific typically reserved for Islam’s greatest caliphs. The flatterysucceeded:OmarwascharmedbybinLaden,and invitedhimtomovehis family from Jalalabad to Kandahar,where the Taliban couldmoreeasily ensure their safety. Bin Laden accepted the invitation and tookpossessionofthreecompoundsinandaroundKandaharduringthefirstmonths of 1997, whereupon he began spendingmuch time in Omar’scompany.WhiledeliveringaFridaysermonatthelargestmosqueinthecity,OmarbroughtbinLadenbefore the teemingassemblyand laudedhisnewfriendas“oneofIslam’smostimportantspiritualleaders.”

Thenascentpartnershipwasnotwithoutcomplications,however:

TheTalibanreceivedmanymillionsofdollarsfromSaudiArabia.ButtheSaudiroyalfamilyconsideredbinLadenaseriousthreat.Moreover,theSaudismaintaineddeeptieswiththeUnitedStatesandwereworkingcloselywiththeCIAtomonitorbinLaden’sactivitiesanddisruptal-Qaeda.TheISI,Pakistan’sspyagency,hadworkedwithbinLadensincehisarrivalinAfghanistaninthe1980s,whenthePakistanisandtheyoungSaudiengineerwerealliedagainsttheSoviets,andhelpedbringbinLadenandtheTalibantogether.ButtheISIalsoreceivedmillions—perhapsbillions—ofdollarsofclandestineaidfromtheSaudis,whowereswornenemiesofbinLaden.TheISIalsohadalongrelationshipwiththeCIA.ThelatterhadgivenbillionsofdollarstotheAfghanmujahideenfrom1978through1992,andmostoftheAmericansupporthadbeenchanneledthroughtheISI—whichwascloselyalliedwithboththeTalibanandbinLaden,whowerenowAmerica’senemies.

Unquestionably, the region’s politics were intricately tangled andconstantly in flux. But the United States had a poor grasp of theseshifting, highly nuanced dynamics and failed to appreciate themagnitudeofthethreatposedbythebuddingrelationshipbetweenbinLadenandOmar.AstheBritishjournalistJasonBurkewouldnoteintheObserver in November 2001 (with the benefit of hindsight), the bondbetween the head of al-Qaeda and the Afghan leader “signified morethan an alliance between the world’s most wanted terrorist and theworld’s most reviled regime. It was the start of the final—and mostcritical—phaseofbinLaden’sdevelopment.HavingsecuredtheTaliban’sprotection, he was free to start building the most efficient terroristorganizationtheworldhadeverseen.”

CHAPTEREIGHT

In the spring of 1994, when Santa Clara County Superior Courtsentenced Pat to be incarcerated for thirty days upon his graduationfrom Leland High School, he was stunned and chastened. On Friday,June 17, Pat attended the Leland commencement ceremony with hisclassmates. He spent Saturday night hanging out with Marie and hisclosest friendsuntil thesuncameup,andthenonSundaymorninghisparents drove him to the county juvenile hall to begin serving hissentence.When the judge had reduced Pat’s original felony charge to a

misdemeanor, it kept his scholarship to Arizona State University frombeing automatically rescinded. But it wasn’t clearwhat action, if any,ASUwouldtakeshouldPatfailtocompletehissentencebeforethestartofthefootballteam’ssummertrainingcamp.IfPatwerelatetocamp,ormissed it altogether, he would find himself beginning his collegiatefootball career on shakyground.Unproven freshmanplayershadbeencutfromfootballteamsformuchless.PatwassupposedtoarriveinTempethefirstweekofAugust.Serving

therequiredthirtydaysbehindbarsbythenwasn’ttheproblem;itwasdoing the 250 hours of community service. Although he would spendeach weekday of his imprisonment working at a job that wouldgraduallychipawayatthatobligation,aparoleofficerexplainedtoPat’smotherthatifhereliedonthejuvenilehallbussystemtotakehimtohiscommunity service assignments, Pat was unlikely to complete therequired hours before August, because the buses were often late andsometimesdidn’trunatall.Andthejudgewasastickleraboutfulfillingall 250 hours of the sentence. To get Pat to work on time, therefore,Danniewasallowedtopickhersonupat thecounty lockupanddrivehim to his daily assignment, working at a homeless shelter called theJulian Street Inn. A fringe benefit of this arrangement was that onseveraloccasionsDanniebroughtMarie,oroneofPat’sbrothers,orone

of his friends to visit with him during the drive, which was a greatconsolationtohim.OneofthethingsPat’sparentsemphasizedtotheTillmanboysastheyweregrowingupwasthatwhiningwasn’tacceptablebehavior.Andtrueto the family ethos, Pat never complained about his stint behind bars.Whenhewasreleasedfromjuvenilehall in lateJuly,headmittedthatbeing locked up had been hard and had tested him. He insisted,however, that he had learned more from the whole regrettableexperiencethanfrom“allthegooddecisionsheevermade,”ashelatertoldSportsIllustrated.AccordingtoMarie,“Helookedaroundatthekidshewasinjailwithanddidn’t seehimselfas thatkindofperson.Hewasn’t somekidwhowas constantly in trouble and it finally caught up to him. He’d neverbeen arrested or even suspended from school. And now here he wasspendingamonth in juvenilehallwithabunchofkidswhohadsomeprettyseriouscriminalrecords.Itwasdefinitelyawake-upcallforPat.”Although it was an expensive lesson, he’d been shown that goodintentions were not enough to ensure a positive outcome. He learnedsomething about the perils of acting rashly, without first consideringpotentialconsequences.Ifhissubsequentbehaviorisanyindication,beinglockedupforthirtydayswasaturningpointinPat’slife.Thetransformationwouldturnoutto be a long, drawn-out process rather than an overnight personalitymakeover,butitwasneverthelessprofound,anditbegantorevealitselfbefore hewas even out of jail: he started to approach his intellectualdevelopmentwith the samekind of discipline he’d long applied to hisathleticdevelopment.Throughouthigh schoolPathad receivedBsandCswiththeoccasionalAonhisreportcards.Hedidn’treadmuch.Whenhewenttojuvenilehall,however,hismotherstartedbringinghimbooksto pass the time, and it initiated a genuine passion for reading thatpersistedfortherestofhislife.

Afterhewasreleasedfromjail,Pathadaboutaweekuntilhewasdueto show up at Arizona State to begin training camp.OnAugust 2, heflew to Arizona, accompanied by Marie, his parents, and his brother

Richard.WhentheywalkedoutofthePhoenixairport,thetemperaturewaswelloverahundreddegrees.Themidsummerheatlayuponthecitylikeamassiveweightthatseemedtocrushthevitality ineverythingittouched.Beingabletobearsuchheatformorethanafewminuteswasdifficult to imagine, and the entire family was taken aback. PatneverthelessaccepteditasafactofArizonalifeandresolvedtoadapt.As it turned out, the heatwas relatively easy for him to deal with.Homesickness, though, was another matter entirely during his firstmonthsawayfromNewAlmaden.“Itwasanespeciallyweirdtransitionfor him,” Marie explains, “because two days after his high-schoolgraduationhewent to jail, and thenwhenhegotout,heprettymuchwentstraight tocollege.HewassurprisedbyhowmuchhemissedhisfamilyandallhisfriendsbackinAlmaden.Mostpeopledon’trealizeit,becausePatcomesacrossassuchatoughperson,buthe’sahomebody.Hereallydependsonhisfriendsandfamily.”The intensityofPat’shomesicknesswasexacerbatedby the fact thatMarie had enrolled at theUniversity of California, Santa Barbara, fivehundredmilesaway.“IappliedtoASU,”saysMarie,“butIdidn’treallylikeitthere.Ifigureditwouldbeamistaketomakesuchabigdecisionbasedonsomeboy.SoIwentdowntoSantaBarbarainstead.Bothofussortofassumedthatwewouldstaytogetherasacouple,eventhoughwewere going to different schools. But we also knew that when you’reyoung, a lot can change, and that we would just have to see whathappened. We always gave each other space to grow. There was anunderstandingthatyouhavetodowhatyouneedtodo,andiftheotherperson decides this isn’t what I want—well, thenmaybe you go yourseparateways.”ShortlyafterMarieandtheTillmansbidawrenchingfarewell toPatandreturnedtoCalifornia,PataccompaniedthefootballteamtotheSunDevil practice facilities at Camp Tontozona, eighty miles northeast ofTempenearthetownofPayson,amidthepineforestsof theMogollonRim. Here, in the relatively cool air fifty-four hundred feet above sealevel, the teamheld itspreseasontrainingcamp.PatmissedMarieandhisfamilysoacutelyduringthisperiodthathesometimesfoundhimselfreducedtotears,andhephonedhomealmosteveryday.During training camp, Bruce Snyder, the Sun Devils’ football coach,

madeapointofmeetingone-on-onewitheachnewplayer.Duringhismeetingwith Pat he explained that incoming freshmenwere typicallyredshirted—a designation by which they would be restricted fromappearing in any games their first season but remain at ASU for fiveyears, thereby gaining a year of training at the college level beforecommencingtheirfouryearsofNCAAeligibility.Uponhearingfromthehead coach that they should expect to be redshirted, most unprovenfreshmen would simply nod meekly and acquiesce. But not Tillman.WhenSnyder toldPat thatheprobablywouldn’tgetanopportunity toplayinanyactualgameshisfirstyear,PatpolitelytoldSnyder,“Coach,you can play me or not play me, but I’m only going to be here fouryears. And then I’ve got things to do with my life.” Although PatdesperatelymissedMarie,hismother,andthecomfortingsurroundingsof New Almaden, his loneliness hadn’t diminished his self-assurance.Homesickornot,hedidn’thesitatetoletSnyderknowhismind.After seven days of grueling two-a-day practices capped by a

scrimmage that drew four thousand devoted Sun Devil fans to CampTontozona, the team returned to Tempe shortly before the start ofclasses.ASUwasthefourth-largestpublicuniversityinthenationatthattime, with more than fifty thousand students, and the campus wascolossal.BecausePatwasassigned to live inanathletes’dormitory farfromthecampuscenteranddidn’thaveacar,hismotherandhisuncleMikeSpaldingdrovefromCaliforniatoArizonatobringhimhisbicycle.When theyarrived,Patwasoverjoyed to see them.Heslept inDannieandMike’shotelroomduringtheseveraldaystheyremainedinTempe,andwhentheacademicyearcommenced,hismomandhisunclewalkedhimtohisfirstcollegeclass.Astheypreparedtosaygood-byeandstarttheten-hourdrivebackto

the BayArea, Pat begged them to postpone their departure until afterthe class was over. Seeing how sad hewas, Dannie andMike agreed.When they finally climbed into their car to leave,Pat,on thevergeofbawling, gave hismom a note he’dwritten to both of them. AsMikesteered thecarwest through theblisteringheatof theSonoranDesert,Danniereadthenotealoud:

Mom&Mike,

IwouldhavejustcomeoutandsaidthisbutIknowmyeyeswouldhaveswelledand Iwouldnothavebeenable to talk. IwouldliketotellyouthatIamverygladyoucametoseeme.Idon’t thinkyourealizehowmuch itmeans tome.ThiswholethingisalothardertodealwiththanIeverexpected.ItmakesmefeellikeawooseeverytimeIbegintocry.However,Icandonothingtochangeit.I’msureIwillbefineprettysoon.Mymoods right now change constantly fromOK to sad to reallysad.Yourbeinghere reallyhelped though. It is comforting toknowsomeonecares.Iwill call quite a bit and if either of you are bored please

call,Iwillenjoythecompany.Iwillprobablynotdecidetogooutandmeetpeopleforawhile….ThankYouForEverything.

Pat

ThejuxtapositionofPat’svulnerabilitywithhis fearlessnessandself-assuranceisnotaneasythingtowrapone’smindaround,butitwasanabsolutely central aspect of his personality. Armchair psychoanalystsmight be inclined to explain his toughness as a macho pose—aprotective shell he donned to disguise his insecurities. Marie stronglydisagrees: “It wasn’t some stereotypical tough-guy act. He really hadthesetwooppositeaspectstohispersonality.Itwasadichotomy:hewasthis very tough person, but he also had this softhearted side, and hedidn’tmindshowingit.AndhewasthatwayaslongasIknewhim.Itgoes back to this incredible sense he had of who he was—his self-confidence. He didn’t feel the need to hide much, or pretend to besomethingthathewasn’t.Hewasn’tinsecureaboutthesensitiveside,orworried that hewasn’t tough.He considered both qualities important,anddidn’tseethemasirreconcilableinanyway.”

CHAPTERNINE

As Pat settled into life as an ASU student, his homesickness graduallyreceded.BecauseMarie’s classes atUCSBdidn’t beginuntil the endofSeptember,shetraveledtoTempetwiceduringthatperiodtovisithim.AfterstartingcollegeatSantaBarbara,sheusuallycommutedtoArizonaacoupleofweekendseachmonth toseePat,andspoke tohimon thephoneeveryday,allofwhichdidalottokeephislonelinessatbay.Asdidthehugedemandsonhistimemadebyfootballandclasses,whichleft few spare moments to indulge in self-pity. Because Pat wasdeterminedtoexcelacademicallyaswellasathletically (ashehadnotdoneinhighschool),hespentalmostasmuchtimestudyingashedidinthegymoron thepractice field—asignificantchange that tonosmalldegreecanbeattributedtohisexperiencebehindbars.“AftertheRoundTableincident,”Marieconcurs,“Patfelthecouldn’taffordtoberecklessand risk getting into trouble anymore.” Instead, he decided toconcentrateonschool.AtthebeginningofthesemesterPatenlistedtheservicesofatutorto

make sure he did well in his mathematics class. Two other studentshappened to sign up for the same tutor—his roommate and footballteammate,B.J.Alford;andanuncommonlytalentedtennisplayerfromHungary named Réka Cseresnyés. Throughout the semester the threefreshman athletes met with the tutor twice a week. “We studiedtogether,” says Cseresnyés, “and sometimes we would run into eachotheroncampusorhavelunchatthecafeteria.Wewouldn’treallyhangout beyond running into each other and having these talks. But everytimewe’dgettogether,wewouldenduphavingdeepconversations.Sowebecamefriendsveryquickly.”Cseresnyéshadgrownup inBudapestunder a repressive communist

government, witnessed the fall of the Iron Curtain as a teenager, andthen leaped at the opportunity to come to the United States uponwinning an athletic scholarship to attendArizonaStateUniversity. Pat

was fascinated by her exotic background and barraged her withquestionsabout life in theSovietbloc. “Iwas thisgirl fromHungary,”she recalls. “My English was rough at the time. Pretty early on, Patbecame a famous athlete on campus. He had great charisma, andeverybody recognizedhimbecausehehad such a characteristic face. Icouldn’t believehewas even talking tome, someonewhohad a thickHungarian accent. I was almost thinking, ‘What is wrong with thisguy?’”Cseresnyéswasamazed,shesays,“byhowfriendlyanddown-to-earthPatwas.Hewasinterestedinotherpeopleandrememberedthingsaboutthem.Hetalkedabouthisgirlfriendsonicely.Hewasinterestedintheworldbeyondsports.Mostlywe talkedaboutpoliticsand internationalrelations.Hewasacriticalthinkerandwouldalwayschallengeme—hewasanamazingquestioner.WhichwasthebestwaytofigureoutwhatPatwasthinking,becausehedidn’tliketotalkabouthimselfthatmuch.Hewouldalwaysturntheconversationbacktowhoeverhewastalkingto:‘Sowhat’sgoingonwithyou?’”Theirdiscussionsandstudysessionsplantedtheseedsofafriendshipthatlasted,andstrengthened,overtherestofPat’slife.AttheendoftheirfirstsemesteratASU,bothTillmanandCseresnyésreceivedAsintheirrespectivemathclasses,andPatexcelledinhisotherclasses as well, earning a 3.5 grade point average. During his secondsemesteritimprovedto3.81.Thesemesterafterthat,inthefallof1995,hereceivedanAineachofhisfivecourses,foraperfect4.0GPA.“Oncehegot in thehabitof studying,he founda lotof success,”Marie says.Partofthemotivationforthatsuccess,sheadds,“wasthatmostpeopleexpectedfootballplayerstobekindofstupid.Ithinkitappealedtohimtogoagainstthestereotype.Helikeddefyingexpectations.”Pat also controverted the assumptions of thosewho thought hewastoosmallandtooslowtoplaycollegefootballforapowerhouseDivisionI-Aschool.Duringhisfirstyearhewasonlyputintogamesasaspecial-teams player, during punts and kickoffs, and the Sun Devils had alacklusterseasonwiththreewinsandeight losses.Patearnedavarsityletter, nevertheless, and Coach Snyder characterized his play as “sosmartandsoaggressive.”ThefollowingyearPatstartedjustonegame,but he frequently came into games off the bench to play inside

linebacker,andover thecourseof the1995 season recorded the sixth-highestnumberoftacklesontheteam.ThatyeartheSunDevils’recordimprovedto7–4,althoughthereweresomeembarrassingdefeatsalongtheway,themosthumiliatingofwhichwas inflicted by the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers. On the firstplay from scrimmage, Nebraska ran the football sixty-five yards for atouchdown, and the routwas underway. TheCornhuskers had scorednine touchdownsbyhalftime, a school record, and the final scorewas77–28.The loss was especially humbling for the Sun Devils’ defense. If afootballteamracksupthatmanypoints,itsuggeststhattheteambeingscoredagainsthassomeseriousdefensiveflaws.Nevertheless,whenthe1996seasoncommencedthefollowingSeptember,SunDevilsupporterswere optimistic about their prospects.Manyof the team’s best playersfrom 1995 were back, most prominently the quarterback Jake “theSnake”Plummer,aleadingcontenderfortheHeismanTrophy.AlthoughPatwas not yet considered to be of the same caliber as Plummer, theASU coaches acknowledged that hehaddeveloped into an exceptionaldefensiveplayerbydesignatinghimthestartingweaksidelinebackerforthe new season. Lyle Setencich, who coached the Sun Devils’linebackers,toldSportsIllustratedthatPatwas“thebestplayerI’veevercoachedat readingbody language.Onegame,henoticed thata tacklewouldlookinsideeverytimehisteamranadraw,andsureenough,Patreaditandhitthefullbackrightinthemouth.”Patwasthrilledbyhispromotiontostarter,andsowashisfamily.TheTillmanswereanuncommonlytightclan.NothingwasmoreimportanttoPatthanMarie,hisparents,hisbrothers,andhisuncleMike.Itwouldbe hard to overstate howmuch their support and company meant tohim. He was thus overjoyed when his brother Kevin—who had beendrafted by the Houston Astros after graduating from high school andreceived an offer to play professional baseball—instead accepted abaseballscholarshipatArizonaStateandenrolledasafreshmaninthefallof1996.PatandhisASUteammateswontheirfirsttwofootballgamesofthe1996season,butfortheirthirdgamewouldfaceNebraskaagain.Afterclobbering the Sun Devils in 1995, Nebraska had gone undefeated

through the remainder of the year, went on to win its secondconsecutive national championship, and was generally considered thebestteaminthehistoryofcollegefootball.WhentheCornhuskerscametoTempetoplayASUonSeptember21,1996,theyhadwontwenty-sixgamesinarow(thelasttimethey’dlostwasin1993)andwererankedfirstinthenationineverysignificantpoll.Ontheeveningbeforethegame,theASUplayersaskedthecoachesto

vacate the premises and then proceeded to jack themselves up for therematch by screaming, pounding on the walls, overturning tables,jumping on furniture, and tossing chairs around the room.When theyemerged,accordingtoonereport,theybroughttomindcrazedanimals.Thenextdaytheyplayedwithunprecedentedfocusandintensity.Come Saturday afternoon it was ninety-one degrees in the shade,

althoughtherewasnoshadetobehadonthefieldinSunDevilStadium,where seventy-four thousand screaming fans filled the seats. ASUreceived the opening kickoff and then moved the ball seventy yardsdownfield on its first five plays from scrimmage. On the sixth play,Plummerwassackedfora loss.Unfazed,aftertakingthenextsnap,hedroppedbackforapass,butaNebraskadefensiveendhadanticipatedtheplayandblitzedintothebackfieldwithanunobstructedshotathim;it looked as though theASUquarterbackwas about to be takendownagain. Plummer, however, proceeded to give an astonishingdemonstrationofwhyhewascalled“theSnake”:hesomehowmanagedtowriggleout fromunder the tackler’sgrasp, scramble tohis left,andsidearmtheballtwenty-fiveyardstothereceiverKeithPoole,whowasstandingaloneintheendzone,puttingASUahead,7–0.That ASU had scored first was surprising. But everyone expected

Nebraska to come thundering back: over the course of the previousseasontheASUdefensehadrankeddeadlastinthePac-10Conference,andwaswidelydisparagedas the team’sgreatweakness.Nevertheless,as the SunDevils kicked off toNebraska, Pat and the rest of theASUdefenseresolvedtoshutdowntheCornhuskersandholdontotheirlead.Pat’sprimaryassignmentgoingintothegamewastocovertheoption

pitchout—tostopNebraskafromgainingbigyardageonplaysinwhichthequarterbackScottFrosttriedtofoolthelinebackersintothinkinghewas going to run with the ball or throw a pass downfield and then

insteadtossedalateraloutsidetoAhmanGreen,aspeedytailbackwhowouldlaterbecomeastarfortheGreenBayPackers.ThisdeceptiveplaywasoneofthemosteffectiveweaponsintheNebraskaarsenal,andwasespeciallyhardtodefendagainst.Itwoulddemandastute,lightning-fastassessments by Tillman to determine how to react to the option as itunfolded.ShortlyaftertheSunDevils’touchdown,withtheCornhuskersontheNebraskaseven-yardline,Frostattemptedjustsuchaplay:scurryingtohis right, he chucked an underhand pitchout to Green that came inunexpectedly hard, causingGreen to bobble the ball and thendrop it.AlthoughGreenmanagedtoscoopitupquicklyfromtheturf,heseemedrattledbythesightofPatacceleratingtowardhim,andthusnevergottheballproperlytuckedaway.ItsquirtedoutofGreen’shandsasecondtime and bounced to the ground behind the goal line. Before Greencould recover it, Tillman and his teammate Mitchell Freedmanconvergedontheloosefootballandswatteditoutoftheendzoneforasafety.ASUnowled9–0.ThepurportedlyinvincibleCornhuskerslookedstunned.In the second quarter ASU kicked a twenty-seven-yard field goal,TillmantackledFrostintheendzoneforanothersafety,andthenASUkickedaforty-four-yardfieldgoaltogivetheSunDevilsa17–0leadathalftime. In the third quarter ASU scored yet another safety. In thefourth quarter the Nebraska offense finally started to play effectively,andputtogetheradrivethatmovedtheballmostofthewaytothegoalline. A Cornhusker touchdown seemed imminent. With less than twominutesremaininginthegame,Greenattemptedtoruntheballintotheendzone,buthefumbledontheASUthree-yardline,andPatdivedonthelooseballtopreservethe19–0shutout—punctuatinganafternoonofbrilliantplaybyTillmanthatcontributedsubstantiallytoASU’sshockingupset of theCornhuskers.At the conclusionof the game, thousandsofdeliriousfansswarmedontothefield,pulleddownbothgoalposts,andcarriedoneofthemfourblocksdownTempe’sMillAvenue.Asthe1996seasonunfolded,theSunDevilskeptwinning,suggestingthat their upset of Nebraskawas perhaps no fluke. On September 28,ASUdefeated theUniversityofOregon,48–27.Aweek later theybeatBoiseState,56–7,and then theweekafter thatbeatUCLA,42–34.On

October19,whentheSunDevilsovercametheformidableUSCTrojansin double overtime, 48–35, sportswriters began to mention thepossibility that the teamcouldgoundefeatedandend theyear rankednumberoneinthecountry.TherollcontinuedwithwinsoverStanford,Oregon State, California, and the University of Arizona. At theconclusion of the regular season ASU was a perfect 11–0, and hadearnedaninvitationtoplayintheRoseBowlonNewYear’sDay.

Thevideoplayerstartstoclickandwhir,andanaerialshotofagiganticfootball stadium fills the television screen as a familiar voice intones,“ABC Sports welcomes you to the Rose Bowl! The granddaddy! TheBuckeyesofOhioStateagainsttheSunDevilsofArizonaState!…HappyNewYearandwelcomeeverybody.I’mBrentMusburgerwiththecoachDickVermeil.ASU—theyhavetheabilitytowinitall!”On the video it’s January 1, 1997—a gray, drizzly afternoon in

Pasadena,California.TheentireTillmanfamilyispresentsomewhereinthepackedstadiumtowatchPatplay,asaredozensofPat’sfriends.TheSun Devils are ranked second in the college polls; if they defeat theBuckeyestoday,theywillbethenationalchampions.ASUwinsthecointossandquarterbackJakePlummer,aclosefriend

ofPat’s,informstherefereethattheSunDevilswillreceivethekickoff.TheOSUkickerbootstheballdownfieldas100,645peoplebellowtheirapprovalfromthestands.Afterreturningthekickofftotheirownthirty-three-yardline,theSunDevilsmovetheballtomidfieldforafirstdown,butthentheiroffensesputtersandtheyhavetopunt.Patcomesintothegame for the first timewith thepunting squad,hishair spillingacrosstheshouldersofhisjerseyfrombeneathhishelmet.TheASUkickerpuntstheball,Pathesitatesforamomenttoforcethe

OSUblockerstocommit,thendancesaroundthreeofthemandsprintsfuriously downfield as the pigskin arcs high into the leaden sky.Tillman’sbody language is sodistinctive that there’snomistakinghimevenwhenheappearsasaminusculefiguredartingacrossthetelevisionscreen,muchtoosmallforthenumberonhisjerseytobevisible.DavidBoston, the Buckeye player waiting to receive the football, catches itcleanly anddodges a tacklerwith a quick juke to the side.Amoment

later,however,asecondASUplayerwrapshisarmsaroundtheBuckeyeballcarrier and stands him upright, and then Pat hurtles into both ofthem at maximum velocity, driving Boston backward for three yardsbeforeslamminghimtotheground.TwoplayslatertheBuckeyes’quarterback,StanleyJackson,takesthe

snap and tries to runwith it, but Pat penetrates theOSUdefense andtackles Jackson for a five-yard loss. “Jackson…down at the thirteen-yardline,”Musburgerexclaims,“astheSunDevilsbroughtheatrightupagainst themiddle:PatTillmanandShawnSwayda.”On thenextplayPatagaingetstoJacksonbehindthelineofscrimmageandbringshimdownforanotherloss,forcingtheBuckeyestopuntfromtheirownendzone.Forthefirstthirtyminutes,thegameisadefensivestandoff,andwhentheteamsleavethefieldforhalftime,thescoreistied,7–7.Onthefirstpossessioninthethirdquarter,ASUkicksafieldgoal,but

OSU storms right back with a seventy-two-yard touchdown pass toDemetriousStanley,andatthestartofthefourthquartertheBuckeyesareup,14–10.Withlessthansixminutesremaininginthegame,thingsarelookinggrimfortheSunDevils.OSUhastheballattheASUtwenty-one-yardlineandisthreateningtoscoreagain,puttingthegameoutofreach. On third down the OSU quarterback throws a short pass toStanley again, whom Tillman is covering one-on-one. With Stanley’stremendous speed, it should be a mismatch, but Pat anticipates thereceiver’smoves,staysrightwithhimashecutstotheinside,andslapsthe pass to the ground as the ball arrives, forcing the Buckeyes toattempt a field goal on fourth down.ASUblocks the kick, recovers it,andrunstheballdownfieldforatouchdown.Thecrowdgoeswild,butapenaltynullifiesthescore,andtheballisbroughtbacktotheASUforty-two-yardline.With time running out in a game in which they have had trouble

movingtheball,theSunDevilsneedatouchdownonthispossessionortheywill lose.Plummerhasbeensacked five times.His receivershavedroppedeightofhispasses.ButtheSunDevilshavebeencomingfrombehindallseasonatthelastminutetowin,andPlummerorchestratesathrilling drive that takes his team to the OSU nine-yard line. There,however, theOSUdefense stiffens, and sacks Plummer yet again for aloss.Onthirddown,withaminuteandforty-sevensecondslefttoplay,

ASUcoachBruceSnydercallsatimeouttofigureoutwhattodo.AftertheSunDevilscomebackonthefield,Plummertakesthesnapanddropsbacktopass,buttheBuckeyeslaunchaferociousall-outblitz,andalltheASUreceiversaretightlycovered.AsOSUtacklersconvergeonPlummerfromalldirections,heducksandweavesandscramblesfirstrightandthenleft,barelyslippingawayfromthegraspofoneBuckeyeafter another. “Plummer in trouble!” Musburger announces. “He stepsaway… cuts free…breaks loose…. [He’s at] the five…. Touchdown,Sun Devils! The Snake does it again! This team won’t die!” The ASUplayers mob Plummer in the end zone. Musburger and Vermeil startcongratulating the Sun Devils’ quarterback for leading the astoundingcomeback.Withjustoveraminuteandahalfremaining,anASUvictoryappearstobeinthebag.But after the Buckeyes receive the ensuing kickoff, quarterback JoeGermainestartsguidinghisteamefficientlydownthefield,pushingtheballtotheASUfive-yardlinewithtwenty-foursecondsleftontheclock.From the sideline,OSU coach JohnCooper sends in a play designated“twolefttwins240Xsmash.”Germainetakesthesnapanddropsbacktopass.DavidBoston, linedupastheBuckeyesplitend,smashesintohisdefenderandthenspinsawaytotheoutside.Germainelobshimasoftpass, Boston gathers it in and prances untouched across the goal line.OhioStatewins,20–17.To come so close towinning the Rose Bowl and becoming nationalchampions,onlytohaveitallslipawayinthegame’sfinalseconds,wasa crushing blow to the Arizona State players and fans. Pat, however,spentlittletimeagonizingoverthedefeat.Hehadacquittedhimselfwellonthefield,andinanycasetherewasnothingheoranyoneelsecoulddotochangeitsoutcome.Hesimplyacceptedthelossandmovedon.

CHAPTERTEN

One of the people Pat roomed with at Arizona State was a three-hundred-poundteammatenamedJeremyStaatwhowasconsideredthebest defensive lineman in the Pac-10 Conferencewhen the SunDevilsbeganthe1997season,eightmonthsaftertheirbitterdefeatintheRoseBowl. Because he was uncommonly quick for a big man andexceptionally talented, Staat attracted a great deal of attention fromNational Football League scouts and agents. When the University ofSouthern California arrived in Tempe to play ASU on October 11, anagent named Frank Bauer who hoped to represent Staat was in thestandswatching the game. “I’d come to see Jeremyplay,” says Bauer,“when all of a sudden I see this raggedy-ass linebacker named PatTillman running down the field, crazy as heck. He onlyweighs about208,buthe’shittingthehelloutofpeople,andhe’sfearless.I’mgoing,‘Holycow!…I’vegottagotalktothisTillmankid.’Ididn’tevenknowwhohewas.Hewasn’tonanybody’sradarintheNFL.Nobodyhadanyreportsonhim.”Followingthegame,whichASUwon,35–7,Bauerwentdowntothe

locker roomtosayhello toStaatand thensoughtoutTillman.“Here’sthiskidwiththelonghair,wearingshortsandflip-flops,”Bauerrecalls.“Itoldhim,‘Hey,IthinkyoucanplayintheNationalFootballLeague.’Helooksatmewiththoseeyesofhisandhegoes,‘Really?’”Actually,Patdidn’tneedBaueroranybodyelse to tellhimhecouldplay in theNFL; he’d already made that determination on his own. But he tookBauer’s card and agreed to talk again in January after the SunDevils’footballseason,andPat’scollegecareer,hadconcluded.Sun Devils fans had looked forward to 1997with high hopes, even

though Jake Plummer and five other star players had graduated theprevious spring. When the season ended, ASU was 9–3, finishing theyear with a win over Iowa in the Sun Bowl in El Paso, Texas, onDecember 31—an impressive record, but a distinct letdown after

competingintheRoseBowlforthenationalchampionshipthepreviousyear. Pat had performed brilliantly, regardless: he led the team withforty-seven unassisted tackles, was credited with four sacks and threeinterceptions,andwasvotedthedefensiveplayeroftheyearinthePac-10 Conference. Having attended classes during the previous twosummers,Pathadaccruedenoughcredits toearnhisbachelor’sdegreein just three and a half years, and in December 1997 he graduatedsummacumlaudewitha3.84gradepointaverage.After receivinghisdiploma,heremainedinTempeinordertopreparefortheNFLdraft.IfhewasconsideredalongshotforplayingattheDivisionI-Acollegelevelafterhighschool,evenfewerpeoplebelievedTillmanstoodmuchchance of making it to the NFL. Athletes who manage to reach thatrarefiedstratummustsurvivearuthlesscullingprocess:only6percentof thekidswhoplayhigh-school footballgoontoplay incollege;andonly about 1 percent of those college players advance to theNFL. Pathadneverpaidmuchheedtotheodds,however,andhisconfidenceinhisownabilitiesremainedundiminished.SeveralofPat’sASUteammatesalsoaspiredtoplayintheNFL.Theyspent the firstmonthsof1998 training together inpreparation for theannualNFLScoutingCombine,aweeklongeventheldeveryFebruaryatthe RCA Dome in Indianapolis, wherein the most promising NFLprospects undergo a battery of rigorous trials administered by NFLscouts,coaches,andgeneralmanagers.Participationinthecombinewasby invitation only, however, and when the invitations went out, Patfailed to receive one. The snub definitely bothered him, but otheravenuesofentrytotheNFLremainedopen,andheusedthebrush-offasagoad.The 1998NFL draftwas scheduled to begin on April 18. InMarch,ASUheldaso-calledProDayatSunDevilStadiumforNFLscoutsandcoachestoevaluateASUplayerswhodidn’tattendthecombine.Patsawthisashisbestchancetoimpressateamandgetdrafted,soheresolvedtogoforbrokeinthetryout.BecausetheArizonaCardinalswerebasedinPhoenixandplayedtheirhomegamesatSunDevilStadium,theCardinalsorganizationhadbeenpayingmore attention to Tillman than the other NFL teams had, andthereforeunderstood thathepossessed intangible attributes thatdidn’t

show up in the scouting reports. Cardinal general manager BobFerguson, defensive coordinator Dave McGinnis, and defensive backscoachLarryMarmie showedupatProDay toputTillman throughhispaces.HavingalreadydecidedthatPatwastoosmalltoplaylinebackerin theNFL, they asked him to try out as a safety,which demanded asignificantlydifferentsetofskills,thenheldwhatwasscheduledtobeafifteen-minute evaluation on the field. Pat, however, refused to let thecoaches leave until he’d performed as well as possible in every drill,extending the tryout an extra thirty minutes. At the end of theevaluation,Patwashopefulthey’dseenenoughtowanttodrafthim.The NFL draft was televised live fromMadison Square Garden overtwo consecutive days. At the end of the first day, only two of sevenrounds had been completed. Although the Pittsburgh Steelers selectedJeremyStaat (representedby theagentFrankBauer, likePat) early inthesecondround,Patwasn’tdraftedbyanyofthethirty-twoteamsondayone,whichdidn’tsurprisehim.Bytheconclusionofthesixthround,however,asthe1998draftdrewtoaclose,Patstillhadn’tbeenchosen.TheCardinalshadthreepicksremainingintheseventhround.Staringanxiously at a television in the home of Marie’s parents as this finalround got under way, Pat, Marie, and their families watched as theCardinalsusedtwoofthesepickstodraftotherplayers.Whentheirlastpick came up, they selected Pat—as the 226th of 241 players chosen.The Cardinals offered him a one-year contract for the minimum NFLsalary of $158,000, plus a $21,000 signing bonus. By way ofcomparison,thefirstplayerchoseninthatyear’sdraft,PeytonManning,receivedasix-yeardeal fromthe IndianapolisColtsworth$48million,withanimmediate$11.6millionsigningbonus.Themere fact thatTillmanhad signedacontract,moreover,wasnoguaranteethathewouldmaketheteam.Hewouldstillhavetocompetefiercelywithbothveteransandother rookiesat theCardinals’ trainingcampforaspotontheroster.IfPatfailedtomakethecut,hewouldn’treceiveanickelofhissalary.

Despite being one of themost lionized students at ASU—a handsome,charismaticfootballstaroverwhomcountlesswomenswooned—Pathad

remaineddevoted toMarie ever since their firstdate fiveyears earlieranddidnotphilander.AlthoughMarieisbynaturereserved,whensheelectstoshareherthoughtsshetendstospeakbluntlyandtothepoint;fromthebeginning,herrelationshipwithPatwasbasedonsuchcandor.“Pat was pretty straightforward,” she says. “There was never a lot ofgameplaying inour relationship, evenwhenwewereveryyoung.Wewereveryhonestwithoneanother; I thinkthat’swhywewereabletostaytogether.”Pat and Marie had long intended to live together after they both

graduated from college. After he was drafted by the Cardinals, shefiguredtheywouldberesidinginPhoenix.“PatwasconfidenthewouldmakeitwithsomeNFLteam,”Marieremembers.“ButhetoldmenottocometoArizonauntilaftertrainingcamp,whenhewouldknowforsurewhetherhewasgoingtoplayfortheCardinals.”TheCardinalsheldtheirpreseasoncampinFlagstaff,120milesnorth

of Phoenix, on the campus ofNorthernArizonaUniversity. In college,Pat’steammatescalledhimbyavarietyofpredictablemonikers,someofwhich—“Goldilocks” and “Fabio” being the most prevalent—wereinspiredbyhis shoulder-lengthhair.Buthisbest-knownnicknamewas“Hit Man,” for the ferocity of his tackles—not only against rivals ingames, but against teammates during ordinary practice drills as well.Because Pat was expected to be one of the first players cut from theCardinals,heknewthatifhewantedtostickaround,hewouldneedtoperform at full intensity at every practice andmake the coaches takenoticeofhimrightoutofthegate.DuringtheirevaluationofPatattheASUProDay,theCardinalstold

himthatifhehopedtoplaysafetyintheNFL,hewouldhavetoloseatleast five pounds in order to improve his speed when covering fleetreceivers like Amani Toomer, Jerry Rice, and Randy Moss. When PatshowedupinFlagstaffalreadysevenpoundslighterthanhe’dplayedincollege,thecoachestooknote,butlosingalittleweightwasn’tgoingtobeenoughtowinhimaspotontheroster.Ontheseconddayofcamp,inthemiddleofadrill intendedtoenhancethepasscoverageskillsofthedefensivebacks,hesawanopportunity tomakeamorepersuasiveimpression. After a veteran 250-pound fullback named Cedric Smithcaught a short pass along the sideline, Pat—who weighed nearly 60

poundsless—launchedhimselfatSmithlikeamissile,knockedtheballfromhisgrasp,andthendrilledthemassiverunnerintotheturf.Itwasanabsolutelycleanhit,andtheforcewithwhichTillmandeliveredthetackleimpressedthecoaches.AsSmithwentdown,however,hetoretheanteriorcruciateligamentinoneofhisknees,endinghisfootballcareer.Tillmanregrettedinjuringtheveteran,butinjurieswereanever-presentrisk in the NFL, and as a rookie, he told a reporter for the ArizonaRepublic,“youdowhatyouhavetodotomaketheteam.Youhavetoletthemtellyoutocalmdown.”Ordinarily,NFLcoachestrytodiscouragetheirplayersfromplayingatfull speedandhittingwithmaximumforceduringpractice, inorder tolessen thechanceof injuries like theone thatremovedSmith fromtheCardinals’roster.ButtheCardinalshadwononlyfourofsixteengamesin1997,andhadbeenconsideredoneoftheworstteamsintheleagueformanyyears.Theyhada reputation forplayingwithoutpassion.SoheadcoachVinceTobindecidedthataninspiredrookiewhoraisedtheintensityofpreseasoncampmightnotbeabad thing, andheallowedTillmantocontinuetohitaggressivelyduringpractice.InAugust the Cardinals played four exhibition games, duringwhichPattalliedtwenty-fivetackles,morethananyothermemberoftheteam.OnAugust29,inthelastofthesepreseasongames,ArizonaplayedtheOaklandRaidersinOakland,anddozensofPat’sfriendsandfamilyfromthe Bay Area came to watch him. Motivated by their presence, heinterceptedapass—the firstofhisNFLcareer—that led toaCardinalstouchdown,puttingthemahead,21–14,towinthegame.Eightdays later,when theCardinals traveled toDallas tocommencethe regular season against the Cowboys, the Arizona coaches toldTillmanhewouldbestartingthegameatfreesafety,surprisingalmosteveryonebutPat,Marie,andhisfamily.“IalwaysknewPattywouldbeafantasticspecial-teamsplayerintheNFL,”sayshisagent,FrankBauer,“but to be the starting safety as a rookie in his very first game—hefooledthehelloutofeverybody.”

CHAPTERELEVEN

Throughouthigh schoolandcollege,Tillmanhadworn thenumber42on his football jersey. When he joined the Cardinals, that numberalreadybelongedtoKwamieLassiter,hisprimaryrivalforthefree-safetypositiononthestartingroster,soPatwasissuedthenumber40instead.He’dwornthisnewnumberforthefirsttimeamonthbeforethe1998regular-seasonopener, during the first gameof thepreseason,backonAugust7,when theCardinals traveled toMichigan toplay theDetroitLions.Inthepredawnhoursonthedayofthatgame,asPatwasasleepinhis

hotel room, a Toyota delivery truck appeared at the entrance to aparkinglotbehindtheAmericanembassyinNairobi,Kenya.OneofthetwoSaudisridinginthetruck’scabjumpedoutanddemandedthattheguardraisethegate,andwhenherefused,theSaudihurledaloudbutharmless flashbanggrenade toward theembassy.Several seconds later,afterpeople insidehadrushedtothewindowsofthesix-storybuildingtoseewhathadcaused thesmallexplosion, theSaudiwho’dstayed inthe truck detonated two thousand pounds of explosives crammed intothebackofthevehicle.ThelocaltimeinEastAfricawas10:30a.m.The titanic blast obliterated the entire rear side of the embassy and

completely flattened a much flimsier building next door, a secretarialcollege. Thousands of victims were buried alive in the smolderingrubble; their screams and moans could be heard for days. The deathcount was 213 people. Approximately 4,500 were injured, includingmorethan150whowereblindedbyflyingglass.NineminutesaftertheattackinNairobi,afueltruckcarryingasimilar

loadofexplosivespulleduptotheAmericanembassyinthelargestcityin Tanzania, Dar es Salaam—an Arabic name meaning “Abode ofPeace”—and the truck was detonated by its Egyptian driver. Elevenpeoplewerekilledandeighty-fivewoundedinthisblast.

Theattacks,420milesapart,hadbeencarriedoutbymembersofal-Qaeda under the direction of Osama bin Laden and his collaboratorAymanal-Zawahri.Sixmonthsearlier,whileTillmanwaspreparingfortheNFLdraft inPhoenix, the twoal-Qaeda leaders,purportedlyactingonbehalfofa coalition theycalled the “World IslamicFront for JihadAgainstJewsandCrusaders,”had faxeda fatwa fromAfghanistan toaLondonnewspaperinwhichtheydeclared:

[F]or more than seven years the United States has beenoccupying the land of the Two Holy Places, the ArabianPeninsula, plundering its riches, dictating to its rulers,humiliatingitspeople,terrorizingitsneighbors,andturningitsPeninsula bases into spearheads through which to attackneighboringMuslims….All of these crimes and sins committed by America clearlydemonstrate a declaration ofwar onGod, hisMessenger [theProphetMuhammad],andMuslims….Onthatbasis,andincompliancewithGod’sorder,weissuethefollowingfatwatoallMuslims:Bytheruling,itisanindividualdutyforeveryMuslimwhocan do it to kill Americans and their allies—civilian andmilitary—inanycountrywhereitispossibletodoso….With God’s help, we call on everyMuslimwho believes inGodandwishestoberewardedtocomplywithGod’sordertokill Americans and plunder their money wherever andwhenever they find it. We also call on the Muslim Ulema[Islamic scholars], leaders,youth,and soldiers to launch raidsonSatan’sAmericantroopsandSatan’ssupportersallyingwiththeminordertodisplacetheirleaderssothattheymaylearnalesson.

Although the international newsmedia had disseminated this fatwawidely when it was issued on February 23, few people paid muchattentiontoitatthetime.AfterAugust7,binLadenandhisfatwawereregardedinanentirelynewlightnotonlybyAmericansbutbypeopleinotherpartsoftheworldaswell—especiallyMuslimsofafundamentalist

bent. Disaffected young men from the Arabian Peninsula, Chechnya,NorthAfrica,Kashmir,andelsewherebegantoflocktoal-QaedacampsineasternAfghanistantoreceivetrainingintheskillsnecessarytowagejihadagainstAmericansandJews.“Buttomostoftheworldandeventosomemembersofal-Qaeda,”observedLawrenceWrightinhisbookTheLoomingTower,

theattacksseemedpointless,ashowyactofmassmurderwithno conceivable effect onAmericanpolicy except toprovokeamassiveresponse.But that, as it turnedout,was exactly the point. Bin Ladenwanted to lure theUnited States intoAfghanistan,whichwasalreadybeingcalledthegraveyardofempires.

President Bill Clinton and his inner circle immediately began toinitiaterescueoperationsinNairobiandDaresSalaam,andtofigureouthow they should retaliate against al-Qaeda. A full-scale militarycampaign against bin Laden and his Taliban allies in Afghanistanwasquickly ruled out. The Clinton administration believed that such adrasticmovewas disproportionate to the scale of the terrorist attacks,and would be hard to sell to Congress and the American people.Moreover,ClintonwasdeeplyentangledinthegrowingscandaloverhisdalliancewiththeWhiteHouseinternMonicaLewinsky.Hispresidencyhad been significantly crippled as a consequence, stripping him of thepublic trust and political capital required to launch a war. Afterconsidering the few practical options remaining, Clinton’s advisersdeterminedthatthebestcourseofactionwouldbetoconductasurgicalairstrikeagainstbinLaden.OnAugust17,whilethespecialprosecutorKennethStarrwasgrillingClinton for five excruciating hours about his sexual liaisons withLewinsky, the CIA director, George Tenet, provided the president’snational security teamwith a list of potential al-Qaeda targets. At thetopofthelistwasoneofbinLaden’sfavoritehideouts,asprawlingjihaditraining complex in eastern Afghanistan’s Khost Province known asZawar Kili,whence bin Laden had issued his February 23 fatwa. Thatevening—after insisting for eight months, “I did not have sexual

relationswiththatwoman”—Clintonappearedonnationaltelevisiontoconfess, “Indeed I didhave a relationshipwithMs. Lewinsky thatwasnot appropriate. In fact, itwaswrong. It constituteda critical lapse injudgmentandapersonal failureonmypart forwhich Iamsolelyandcompletelyresponsible.”Theday’ssalaciousrevelationsgeneratedaparoxysmalfloodofmedia

coveragethateclipsedallothernewsfordays,althoughClintoninsistednoneofitinfluencedhisthinkingonhowbesttostrikebackagainstbinLaden. Shortly after his televised mea culpa, the president authorizedcruise-missile attacks against two terrorist targets: a pharmaceuticalfactoryinSudanbelievedbytheCIAtohavebeenusedbyal-Qaedatomanufacture chemical weapons; and Zawar Kili—where, according toCIA intelligence, a summit would be held on August 20 between binLadenandthesenioral-Qaedaleadership.Arrayed across a ten-square-milemaze of twisting ravines and rock-

studded ridgelines, Zawar Kili consisted of more than a hundredbuildingsaugmentedbyseventylimestonecavesthathadbeenexpandedintoelaborateundergroundbunkers, the largestofwhichextended thebetterpartofamileintothesideofamountain.Actuallyacomplexofheavily fortified villages, the so-called training camp was located justnorth of the Pakistan border, fourteen miles south of Khost City, andtwentymileseastofthecanyonwherePatTillmanwoulddiesixyearslater.Zawar Kiliwaswell known toU.S. intelligence analysts. During the

Sovietoccupationinthe1980sitfunctionedasanimportantbasefortheAmericans’mujahideenallies,andnumerousCIAofficers,diplomats,andWestern journalists visited the complex, as had the maverick TexascongressmanCharlieWilson,themancreditedwithpersuadingCongresstogivebillionsofdollars in aid to theAfghanmujahideen.ZawarKiliwasbuiltbyoneoftheleadingrecipientsofthatAmericanmunificence,CommanderJalaluddinHaqqani,whohadrecruitedbinLadentoenlargeit for him not long after the latter arrived in Afghanistan. WorkingtogetherontheZawarKiliconstructioninitiatedalastingfriendship,andHaqqanidevelopedintoanimportantrolemodelfortheimpressionableSaudi.Two of the most famous battles between the Soviets and the

mujahideen were fought at Zawar Kili. Approximately five hundredhardened Afghan fighters, known as the Zawar Regiment, werepermanentlybasedthereduringtheSovietconflict,andtheirstrongholdwas considered a potent symbol of mujahideen invincibility. Eager todeflate this reputation, in September 1985 the Soviets mounted amassiveattackonZawarKili.Thebattle lasted for forty-twodays,andkilledorwoundedmorethan80percentofthemujahideenfighters.Thesurvivorsheldtheirgroundagainsttheinfidels,however,andtheSovietswereeventuallyforcedtoconcedethebattleandwithdraw.In the spring of 1986 the Soviets directed another campaign againstZawarKiliinwhichjetaircraftfiredguidedmissilesattheentrancestothe largest subterranean bunkers. CommanderHaqqani and 150 of hisfighterswereinsideoneofthesecaveswhenamissilemadeadirecthiton its entrance, trapping the mujahideen behind hundreds of tons ofrubble.OtherSovietaircraftcarpetbombedthecomplexsoonthereafter,however,andinadvertentlyblastedawaytheconfiningdebris,allowingHaqqaniandhismen toescapeunharmed.Butafter seventeendaysofintense fighting, theadvancedSovietweaponryprovedtobe toomuchfor themujahideen.Withnearly threehundredof theirmendead andmore than three hundred wounded, they were forced to flee into thesurrounding mountains, allowing Soviet and DRA forces to takepossessionofthecomplex.The communists were surprised to find a mosque, bakeries,mechanicalshops,awell-stockedlibrarythatincludedCIAbomb-makingmanuals, and a hotel with comfortable furniture and carpeted floors.There was even a hospital with sophisticated American-made medicalequipment. But the Soviets were terrified that a counterattack wasimminent, so they held Zawar Kili for only five hours before beatinganother hasty retreat. Although the Soviets trumpeted their briefoccupation as a major victory, Haqqani’s fighters immediatelyreoccupiedthelegendaryredoubtanddidnotrelinquishitagainfortheremainderofthewar.

Undeterredbyitsindomitablereputation,onAugust20,1998,theU.S.Navy launched sixty-six Tomahawk cruise missiles at Zawar Kili from

warships in the Arabian Sea, more than seven hundred miles away.ChristenedOperation InfiniteReach, theattackdestroyed some twentyor thirtybuildingsbutkilledonlysix jihadis: threeYemenis,anUzbek,anEgyptian,andoneSaudi.NeitherbinLaden,al-Zawahri,Haqqani,noranyotheral-Qaedaleaderwasamongthecasualties.Asithappened,binLaden had been en route to Zawar Kili just prior to the attack, andprobablywouldhavebeenpresentatthetimethemissileshitifthetriphadgoneasplanned.Uponarrivingataforkintheroadmidwayinthejourney,however,hechangedhismindonthespurofthemomentandasked his driver to take him to Kabul instead of Zawar Kili, aserendipitousturnofeventsthatperhapssavedhislife.MorethanthirtyoftheTomahawksallegedlycametoearthwellsouth

of the training camp, on the Pakistan side of the border, killing twoPakistanibystanders.Accordingtounconfirmedreports,anumberoftheeighteen-foot-longmissiles landedwithoutexploding,weresalvagedbybin Laden, andwere then sold toChina for at least $10million. EvenmoredamagingtoAmericaninterests,binLaden’sstatureintheMuslimworldwasenhancedbeyondmeasurebythefailedstrike.Thepresidentof theworld’s richest,most technologicallyadvancednationhad takenhisbestshotatkillingbinLaden,andtheal-Qaedaleaderhadsurvivedwithoutascratch.LikeasupervillaininaMarvelcomicbook,heseemedtobeendowedwiththeabilitytoabsorbthemightiestblowshisenemycoulddeliver,drawenergyfromthem,andbecomemorepowerfulasaconsequence.BinLadengloatedintheaftermathofthemissileattack,andclaimed

that it was a ploy by Clinton to divert attention from the Lewinskyscandal.His deputy’s reactionwasmore ominous. “Tell theAmericansthatwearen’tafraidofbombardment, threats,andactsofaggression,”al-Zawahri warned in an interview with the BBC. “We suffered andsurvived theSovietbombings for tenyears inAfghanistan,andweareready formore sacrifices. Thewarhas only just begun; theAmericansshouldnowawaittheanswer.”

CHAPTERTWELVE

After Patwas drafted by the Cardinals, he rented an inexpensive one-bedroomapartmentinthePhoenixsuburbofChandler,lessthanamilefrom theCardinals’ practice fields and training facility. By lateAugust1998,aroundthetimeofthefailedmissilestrikeinAfghanistan,hefeltsufficientlyconfidentthathewouldmaketheteamthathesuggestedtoMariethatshecomeouttoArizonaandmoveinwithhim.“Ihadahardtransition moving out there,” she says. “It was definitely a bigadjustment forme. The problemwasn’t living with Pat; we got alongreally easily.” Her difficulties, she explains, “were more of a typical‘postgraduationfreak-out’typeofthing.Ididn’tknowanybody.Ididn’tparticularlylikelivinginPhoenix.Ididn’tknowwhatIwantedtodoforwork.”About nine months after moving, Marie was hired by the local

newspaper theArizonaRepublic asadesigner. “Itwasagood job,” shesays,“butinthegroupofpeopleIworkedwith,Iwastheyoungestbyfar. Itwasmy first realworkexperience. Itwas fine,but Iwasa littledisillusioned. Like, ‘This is it? Why was I in such a hurry to finishcollege?’”Pat had no such qualms about his new job in theNational Football

League.Whenhewasmadethestartingfreesafetyintheinitialgameofthe 1998 regular season, he became the first rookie to start at thatpositionfortheCardinals intenyears.Arizonalost its first twogames,badly,butPatplayedwellinbothofthem,makingeighteentacklesanddeflectingapass.Andastheseasonprogressed,theteamstartedtowinmoregamesthanitlost—somethingdowntroddenCardinalsfanshadn’texperiencedinfourteenyears.Learning to play free safety was extremely challenging for Pat,

however, primarily because he was frequently required to coverwhippet-fastreceiversondeeppassplays,somethinghehadn’thadtodo

much as a linebacker. Although he performed well most of the time,occasionally opposing teams took advantage of his inexperience andrelative lackof speed to burnhimbadly on longpasses downfield.BylateNovember,withfivegamesleftintheregularseason,theCardinalswere 6–5. If they couldwin three of their remaining five games, theywouldmakeittotheplayoffsforthefirsttimesincethestrike-shortenedyearof1982.BecausePathadmadesomerookiemistakes,CoachVinceTobindecidedtobenchhimandstartKwamieLassiterfortherestoftheseason instead, hoping the veteran free safety would give the team abetterchanceofgoingtotheplayoffs.WhenreportersaskedPathowhefelt about losing the starter’s job, his reply was brief, but hisdisappointmentwasclear:“Iappreciateyourconcern,butIhavenothingtosay.”As it happened, the Cardinals lost the next two games, despitereplacingTillmanwithLassiter.But then,with theirbacks to thewall,theteamregaineditsmojoandwonthelastthreegamesoftheseason—two of them via long field goalswith no time left on the clock. And,mirabile dictu, the resulting 9–7 record was good enough to send themuch-malignedCardinalstotheplayoffs.Aweeklater,theytraveledtoDallasfortheNFCwild-cardgameandstunnedtheCowboysbybeatingthem,20–7, the first time theCardinalshadwonaplayoffgame since1947.Thedreamcametoanabruptendaweekafterthatwhentheylostto the Minnesota Vikings, but 1998 marked an astonishing turn offortune for the previously hapless Cardinals, and Pat had contributedmuchtothesuccess.He was a good fit with the team, and was comfortable in Arizona,thanksinparttohisstandinginthelocalcommunityfromhisdaysasaSunDevil.InApril1999,PatandMarieboughtahouseonWestBuffaloStreet inChandler. Itwasnothing lavish: a tidy little faux adobewithsixteenhundredsquarefeetoflivingspace,atileroof,yuccasandpalmtrees in thefrontyard,andatwo-cargarage.Patpaid$141,400for it.“BecauseofthevagariesoftheNFL,wedidn’tknowhowlongwe’dbeinPhoenix,”Marierecalls.“ThewholetimePatwaswiththeCardinals,hewasonlygivenone-yearcontracts.Butafterhisfirstseasonwethoughtwe’d be there at least another year, and houses were inexpensivecomparedtowhatwewereusedto intheBayArea,soPatboughtthe

house.”Despite Pat’s status throughout Arizona as a bona fide celebrity, heand Marie didn’t live like most other players in the NFL, and theirexistence was notably lacking in the customary trappings. When hestartedplayingfortheCardinals,Patdidn’tevenownacar;herodehisbiketoworkeveryday.EventuallyheboughtausedJeepCherokee,andlaterexchangedthatforasecondhandVolvostationwagon,butthat’sasupscaleasheevergot.“TheotherCardinalsplayersthoughtPat’sbeat-upoldVolvowashilarious,”remembersBenjaminHill,Pat’schildhoodfriend.“Histeammatesarealldrivingblinged-outEscalades,andhehasthissoccer-momcar.”Although Pat’s salary was the minimum allowed under the NFLplayers’agreement,“itwasa lotofmoneyforhimcomingrightoutofcollege,”saysMarie.“ButPathadalwaysbeenprettyconservativewithmoney. He was conscious that football wouldn’t last forever. Also, hehadanappreciationforhardworkandpeoplewhoworkedhardtoearnamodestsalary.Livingextravagantlymadehimkindofuncomfortable.”PatstoodoutfromhisNFLteammatesinotherwaysaswell.Whenitcame to pets, for instance,most football playerswere “dog guys,” butnotTillman,whoownedtwofelinesduringhisyearswiththeCardinalsandwasanunabashed“catperson.”TillmanevenwentsofarastotrytopersuadehisfriendandteammateZackWalzof“thesuperiorityofcatsoverallspecies.”Duringtheoff-season,TillmanhadreenrolledatASUtoearnamaster’sdegreeinhistory,whichalsosethimapart.“Becauseofhisschedulehecouldn’tattendclassesoncampus,”Marierecalls,“soPatwouldmeetindependentlywithaprofessorfromthehistorydepartmentwhogavehimassignmentsandworkedwithhimonline.”A few of Pat’s college friends were still in the Phoenix area—mostprominently JakePlummer,whohad signedwith theCardinals a yearbeforePatdid.BothPatandMariebadlymissedtheirfriendsandfamilybackinCalifornia,though.“Thefriendshemadeinhighschoolwerehisbestfriends,andtheystayedhisbestfriendshiswholelife.PathungoutwithsomeoftheotherCardinalsplayers,andtherewasagroupofwivesIwouldgooutwithwhentheplayerswereoutof town.ButweneverreallyfitinwiththeNFLlifestyle.Itjustwasn’tPat’sthingtogototheclubs in Scottsdale on weekends, or play golf during the off-season,

whichiswhatmostoftheotherplayersdidforfun.”Pat’stasteinrecreationrantomoreadventurouspursuitsthatheldno

appeal for his NFL colleagues, who tended to steer clear of leisureactivities that might conceivably result in a career-ending injury orworse—atleastinpartbecausetheircontractsgenerallyforbadethemtoengageinactivitiessuchasskiingorskydivingthatendangeredlifeandlimb.Pat’s contracthad sucha clause, too, andhewasnomoreeagerthan his teammates to get hurt or killed. But he relished physicalchallengestoomuchtoplayitsafe,contractornocontract.In the military, when soldiers venture beyond the security of their

forward operating bases, which are enclosed by massive blast wallstoppedwithconcertinawire,theyrefertoitas“goingoutsidethewire.”ThetermcouldjustaseasilyserveasasloganforhowPatlivedmuchofhis life. “I think you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone,” he onceexplainedtoajournalist.“Ifyou’rekindofcomfortableallthetime—it’slike if you’re skiing andyou’renot falling, you’renot trying. I kindofwant to push myself. A lot.” He believed that to experience personalgrowth, he had to be willing to take calculated risks. In so doing, hetrustedthathisstrengthandathleticism,augmentedbygoodjudgment,wouldkeephimfromharm.Hepossessedthattrustsincebeforehewasevenoldenoughtoarticulateit.Fromtheageofthree,Patlovedtoclimbandswingfromtrees.Ashe

grewolder,hisfascinationwithhighplacesledhimtoscrambleonthebouldersandcragsthatbristledfromthehillsabovehishome.Byhighschoolheandhisbuddieswereamusing themselvesbydivingoffhighbridges intoriversandlakes.Whenhewasahomesickseventeen-year-old attending his first Sun Devils training camp in August 1994, heassuagedhis lonelinessbyleapingoffaforty-footcliffhediscoveredinthehillsabovetheASUpracticefields.Everymorningandafternoontheteamwouldassemble forgruelingworkouts.Duringthebreakbetweentraining sessions, when most of the players would collapse on theirbunks for a couple of hours of rest, Pat would hike alone up to thisoutcropanddiverepeatedlyfromitslipintothecoolwatersofthecreekthatflowedbeneathit.Not long after classes started at ASU that fall, Pat began to make

weekly ascents of a light tower that rose two hundred feet above Sun

Devil Stadium—not in search of a cheap thrill, but rather for thetranquilityhefoundupthere.Farabovethedinandbustleofthecity,heenjoyedcollectinghisthoughtsandtakingintheexpansiveview.Theworld below was put into perspective. The lofty vantage calmed hismind.HangingonthewallofBenjaminHill’sofficeisaphotographofhimstanding with Pat and Jeff Hechtle on a granite ledge in California’sSierraNevada,fortyfeetabovethesurfaceofLakeTahoe.Everysummerfrom 1996 until Pat and Kevin joined the Army in 2002,Hill and hisfuturewife,Jamie;Hechtleandhis futurewife,Cindy;Pat,Marie,andKevin Tillman; Hill’s younger brother, Brandon; and an assortment oftheir closest friends would vacation together at Tahoe for five or sixdays.Duringthesecherishedgatherings,theywouldgowater-skiingandplayendlessroundsofTrivialPursuit,drinkalotofbeer,talkallnight,decompress.Theyalsoengagedinagreatdealofcliffdiving.Thephotoinhisoffice,Hillsays,wastakenjustbeforeheandHechtlemadetheirfirstleapfromtheledgewheretheynervouslyperched.“Pathad just done a jump off the top,” Hill remembers. “Jeff and I weretryingtogetourcourageuptodoit.There’sabulgeinthecliffyouneedtoclear,andyouhavetogetagoodjumpoffthesideoryou’llhittherockfaceonthewaydown.”Mariewaswaiting inaboatbelow.Afterthey’d been standing on the ledge for about twenty minutescontemplatingallthatcouldgowrong,sheyelled,“Jump,youpussies!”Thesegentlewordsofencouragementfinallyshamedthemintoleaping.“Thatparticular jumpwasn’tabigdeal,”saysBrandonHill.“It’snotlife-or-death.It’samentalthing.Youjusthavetomakeupyourmindtodo it.”Patonceevendidabackflipoff thisoutcrop.TheHillbrothersmakeclear,however, thatPatalsomadeanumberof leapsfromotherhighplaceswherethemarginforerrorwasnonexistent.Onesuchleapnear Sedona, Arizona, a hundred miles north of Phoenix, was “thecraziest thing I’ve ever seen inmy life,” Brandon recalls. “I still thinkabout it. If I hadn’t witnessed it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t havebelievedit.”The landscape around Sedona is a phantasmagoria of red sandstonespiresandforestedravinesofferingmanywaystorecreate.Patcouldn’tgetenoughoftheplaceandfrequentlysojournedthereduringtheseven

andahalfyearshelivedinArizona.OneafternoonduringPat’stenureas a Cardinal, he and Kevin went hiking along the rim of Oak CreekCanyon, six miles north of Sedona near Slide Rock State Park. Theirroute followed theedgeof a sheer cliff overlooking the creek.As theywalked along the browof the precipice, theypassed a ponderosa pinegrowingfromajumbleofjaggedbouldersonthebottomofthecanyonabouttenortwelvefeetawayfromtheverticalcliffface.Theledgeonwhichtheystoodwaslevelwiththeupperbranchesofthepine,andPatdecideditwouldbeaninterestingchallengetojumpfromtheledgetothetreetop.Pat pondered the leap for awhile, stepped up to the brink, walked

away,steppeduptothelipagain,andthenwalkedawayoncemoretocontemplatethejumpforawhilelonger.Afterseverallongminutes,heapproachedtheedgeyetagainandthenlaunchedhimselfintothevoidwithall thepowerhecouldgenerate.Somuchadrenalinewassurgingthroughhisbloodstreamthathejumpedharderthannecessary,causinghimtoslamintothetreewithexcessiveforce.Heheldon,butitwasn’tpretty.Twoweeks later, Pat repeated the hike along the rim ofOak Creek

Canyon with Kevin, Brandon Hill, and two other friends. When theyarrived at the place where Pat had made the death-defying jump, hedecided to do it again. He wanted to see if he could execute themaneuver with less effort this time and stick the landing moregracefully.WhenBrandonlookedatwhatPat intendedtodo,hethoughtitwas

insane.Theworldrecordforthestandinglongjumpistwelvefeettwoinches—only slightly farther than thedistance from the canyon rim tothetopofthepine.IfPatfailedtomakeitallthewayacrossthegap,ordidmanage to leap that far but didn’t get a solid grip on the tree, hewouldplummetintothebouldersatthebottom,almostcertainlykillinghimself.Pat,however,wassurethathewouldavoidtheseoutcomes.Hetooka

moment to eyeball the distance to a strong-looking horizontal branch,andtocalculatehistrajectory.Then,saysBrandon,“hewalkeduptotheedgeofthecliff,perfectlycomposed.Hisposturewaslikeagymnastoradiver, onlymore stable.Most people doing something like thatwould

waver a little.Not Pat.He looked totally in command. In one smoothmotionhecroucheddown,swunghisarms,andleapt.Justlikethat.Nohesitation.Didn’tthinkaboutitatall.Itwasunbelievable.”Pat judged the leap perfectly. After flying across the gap, Brandon

recalls,“heclampedhisbigoldpawsaroundthiseight-inch-thickbranchhe’dbeenaimingfor.Hisbodyswungprettyhardfromthemomentum,buthedidn’thaveanytroubleholdingon.Thenhethrewalegupontothebranchandjustshinnieddownthetrunktothegroundlikethejumpwasnobigdeal.SometimesIstilllieawakeatnightthinkingaboutit.”Asstartlingasthisleapwas,itwasrun-of-the-millforPat.Throughout

hislifehewasconstantlydevisingnewchallengesforhimself,manyofwhichwereextremelydangerous.“Hedidn’tdothesekindsofthingstoimpresspeople,”saysBrandon.“You’dneverhearPattalkingabouttheunbelievable things he pulled off. Any stuff that he did, the onlywayyou’dknowaboutitisifyouwererighttherewithhimtowitnessit.Hedid these things for himself.Most of the time therewas nobody evenaroundtoseehimdoit.”Benjamin Hill admits that occasionally when he saw Pat testing

himselfinsomecrazyfashion,hecouldn’tresistadmonishinghisfriend:“EspeciallyduringtheyearshewasplayingforASUandtheCardinals,sometimes I’d ask him, ‘Why are you putting yourself into thesesituationswhereyoucouldsoeasilygethurt,whenyouknowhowgoodthingsaregoing foryou rightnow,andhowmuch isat stake?What’sthepoint?’”Thepoint,PatwouldexplaintoHill,wasthat“hefeltlikeheneededtocontinuallychallengehimself,physicallyandmentally,tostaysharp.He’dbeendoingithiswholelife,andbelievedit’swhathadgotten him to where he was. If he stopped seeking out challengesbecausehewasafraidofhurtinghimself,hefeltlikehe’dlosehisedge.”Amazingly, considering all the incautious things he’d done over the

years both on and off the football field, Pat had suffered very fewinjuries. Almost everyonewho knew him began to take it for grantedthathewasvirtuallyindestructible.

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

GiventheCardinals’unanticipatedsuccessin1998,Arizonansexpectedgreat things of their NFL team in 1999. Alas, they were sorelydisappointed: the franchise won only six of its sixteen games. For hispart,Tillmanwasrelegatedtoplayingonspecialteamsandoccasionallycomingoffthebenchasasecond-stringsafety—althoughhedidstartthelastgameoftheseasonafterthefirst-stringsafety,TommyBennett,wentdownwithaseriouskneeinjury.Despite his backup role and lower profile, the 1999 season was a

positiveexperience forPat, in largepartbecause thecoaches switchedhimfromthefree-safetypositiontostrongsafety,amovethatsuitedhistalents.Asastrongsafetyhehadtoworrylessaboutcoveringsuperfastwide receivers going deep, and could concentrate more on stoppingshortpassesandrunningplays,whichfavoredthereflexeshe’dhonedasalinebacker.Stungbyhisdemotiontosecondstring,hetrainedharderthanever.HealsobenefitedtremendouslyfromhavingayearintheNFLunder his belt. One of his problems as a rookie had been hisovereagerness—his tendency to try to be part of every play andmakeeverytackle.Asaconsequencehewouldsometimesbetooquicktoreactandgetfooledbymisdirectionplays.Duringhissecondyearhelearnedto relymoreonhis intelligence insteadof raw intensity,which reapedhuge dividends.After the final game of the season—a lopsided loss toGreen Bay on January 2, 2000—Pat was already looking forward toplayingagaininthefall,andwasdeterminedtohangontothestarter’sjobhe’dwonattheendof1999bydefault.The 2000 off-season, like all off-seasons, “wasn’t easy for Pat,” says

Marie.“Hewouldgetrestlesssometimes.Hewasn’t thetypetogolforhang around the house.He liked to be productivewith his time off. Ithinkthat’spartofwhyheenteredthemarathon.Itgavehimsomethingtoworktowardandaccomplishintheoff-season.”

Pathad registered toenter theAvenueof theGiantsMarathon,heldthe firstweekofMay inHumboldtRedwoodsStatePark, just southofEurekaonthefarnorthcoastofCalifornia.Neverhavingrunaraceofthatdistance,heaskedforadvicefromPerryEdinger,whohadbeentheheadathletictraineratASUwhenPatplayedfootballfortheSunDevils.Edingerputtogetheradetailedtrainingscheduleforhim,tailoredtofitafive-weekvacationthroughwesternEuropePatandMariehadplannedtobeginonMarch6.Pat had never been across the Atlantic, and a journal he keptthroughout the trip reveals his fascination and unjaded delight uponexperiencing even the most mundane aspects of European culture.Despite the rigors of travel, hemanaged to go for a run almost everymorning.WhenhesetoutforhispredawnworkoutinParisonthethirddayof the journey, thedoors leadingoutof thehotelwere locked,hewrote,“soIwasforcedtoescapethroughthesecondstorywindowtobeonmyway….MyroutetookmealongtheSeineRiverallthewaytotheEiffelTowerandback.ItwasquitetheexperiencetobesoakingupthatmuchofParissoearlyinthemorning.WhenIreturned,theFrenchyatthe hotelwas givingme a hard time about thewindow deal. I prettymuch just blewhimoff and returned tomy room toget ready for theday.TherewasnoneedtobounceFrenchyoffthewallsaftersuchafinejog.”AsPatandMarierambledthroughGermany,hemadeithismissiontosampleeveryvarietyoflocalbeerandsausagehecameacross,andthenofferedanassessmentofeachinhisjournal.InMunich,heravedaboutthe spicyBratwurst and reacted favorably to a Schweinwurst, but uponhaving his first taste of an almost rawWeisswurst, he observed, “Thetexturewas softand tastenotparticularlynoteworthy….Before Ievenleft the table my stomach was screaming. Marie had to carry my assback to our room.” Pat’s dedication to evaluating the local food anddrinkwassuchthatheevenfeltcompelledtocritiquetheofferingsofaMcDonald’s they patronized in the Berner Oberland region ofSwitzerland. After seeing a baffling item called aMcFu Burger on themenu, he wrote, “I had to have it.” It turned out to be “just yourstandard quarter-pounder-type burger, minus the cheese, plus orientalsaucewith lettuce and crazy carrot pieces andwhat have you. It was

delicious.MyhatisofftotheMcFu.”A day later, in Interlaken, he was out on his daily run when heencounteredatrailpostedwithsignswarningthattheroutewasclosedand access was forbidden—which proved to be an irresistible draw.“Downedtreeswerealloverthepath,”hewrote,“forcingmetodosomenice maneuvers to get through. This of course only enhanced theenjoymentoftherunandsoonIwasoffthetrailandalongthebrilliantturquoiseriver.”Patlovedturningencounterswithnaturalobstacles—boulders,rivers,fallen logs—into makeshift sport. “Out of the blue, he would alwayscomeupwithcreativeways tochallengehimself,” sayshis friendAlexGarwood, who is married to Marie’s older sister, Christine. Garwoodremembers once going on a hike with Pat near Sedona when PatsuggestedtheyabandonthetrailandinsteadmaketheirwaydownthemiddleofOakCreekbyjumpingfromrocktorock:

Patwantedtoseehowfarhecouldgowithoutgettinghisfeetwet.Wewentat leastacoupleofmiles thatway.Myfeetgotverywet,verysoon.Islippedandfellinrepeatedly.Hedidn’tgethisfeetwetatall.Anditwassofuntowatch.Henotonlydemonstratedexceptionalathleticability,butbrains tomatch.It was almost like a chess game to him: thinking it through,planninghismovesinadvance,jumpingfromrocktorock,rockto bank, bank to tree branch to log to rock. Making theseincrediblylong,incrediblygracefuljumps.Andhavingthetrustthathecoulddoit.Hehadamazingbalance—therewasawayhe’dmovehishandstokeephisbalancethatwasdistinctivelyPat.

AfterSwitzerland,PatandMariemadestopsinVenice,Florence,andRome.On the coastofnorthern Italy theyvisitedCinqueTerre,wherePatscrambleduptheseacliffsinMonterosso.“BecauseIhadn’tclimbedin awhile,” he admitted, “I felt a bit nervous on some of the rocks.”They paused for a couple of days on the French Riviera, which hethought was overrated. In Monaco, he wrote, one could sense theproximity of “big money but you also feel like the party is hidden

somewhere…. Maybe my blue-collarness is getting the better of mehere.” Of Cannes, he remarked, “Perhaps I was expecting a bit toomuch….Wasitwrongtoexpectspectacularbeaches?…Wasitwrongtoexpecthottieseverywhere,oratleasteverynowandagain?”ByMarch25,PatandMariehadreturnedtoParistorendezvouswith

Christine and Alex Garwood, who had flown over from California toaccompany them for the final two weeks of the trip. After worryingabouthowpriceythecitywas,Patwrote,“Expensiveornot,MarieandIshouldenjoyPariswiththecompanyofAlexandChris.MarieandIhavedoneaprettygoodjobofstayingoffeachother’s throatsbuttheextratravelersshouldgiveMarieamuchneededbreakfromme….Naturally,thetriphasawayofbringingusveryclosetogetherwhilealsogettingusultrapissed-offatoneanother.Needless tosay Ihave trulyenjoyedMarie’s company and conversation. Hopefully she feels the same….Hopefully.”Thenextjournalentrybegins:

Itwasn’tmyfault!BlameAlex….BlameParis….OhLord!!Igotfuckinghammeredlastnight.Beyondhammered…Becausewewere inParis, the ladieswantedanicedinner. Littledid theyknowwhat theywere in for…. The restaurantwas small andquaint. Jazz played in the background and the help was realcool. A cheese dish and mushroom concoction made up ourappetizers … the mushroom deal was unbelievable.Unfortunately,withtheappetizerscamethevino.FordinnerIhadlamb,whichkickedass.Allofourfoodwas

excellentwithgreatsauces….Ourconversationwashumming,and as the wine was poured it got louder and louder. FordesserttheladieshadcrèmebrûléeandAlexabrownie.Ioptedformorewine.Nowthingsstarttogethazy.AlexandIaregettingobnoxious

aswegetdrunk.Likeusual, IamswearingupastormandasMarietellsit,thepeoplearoundusarenotpleased.Wearenotkickedout,butwerepolitelycutoffandwentonourway.Theywerereallycoolanddidn’tgetpissedbutwerehappytoseeusleave.

Remembering that night, Christine Garwood issues a bemused sighandthenelaborates:“AgirlfriendofMarie’shadbeentoParis,andshesaidweshouldgotothisrestaurant.Itwasatinyplace.Whenwefirstgotthere,nobodywastherebutus.ThewaitresswasfromNewZealand,Ithink,orAustralia.Atonepointshesaidsomethinglike,‘Ohyeah,thelastAmericanswhowereheredranktwocarafesofwineperperson.’SoofcourseAlexandPattookthatasachallenge,andthewinestartedtoflow.“Wewere there for several hours.We had some good banter goingbackandforthwiththewaitress.Thechefcameouttochatwithus.Itwasreallyfun,andthewinekeptcoming.PatandAlexhadhadenoughto drink and they started to get loud, and by that time the place hadfilledup.”TwoFrenchcouplesat the tablenext to themmade it clearthat the Americans’ increasingly raucous behavior had ceased to beamusing. “The waitress and the host were really nice about it,” saysChristine, “but finally they indicated that Pat andAlexwere getting alittlecrazyanditmightbetimeforMarieandI toget theguysoutofthere.Theyweresocooltous.Theywere like, ‘Okay,youhadagreatdinner,whydon’tyougotakeawalknow.’”As they were strolling back to their hotel, Pat, goofing around,grabbedtheirongratecoveringtheentrancetoaclosedstorefrontandstartedyankingonit,hard,makingaracketthatattractedtheattentionof a passerby, a Frenchman who glowered at the Americans tocommunicate his disapproval. Pat stared right back and drunkenlydeclaimed, “Don’t forget that if itwasn’t for us, you’d all be speakingGermannow.”Withhis viewofAmericanboorishness thus confirmed,the satisfied Frenchman departed without further incident, and Mariemanaged to get Pat moving again in the direction of theiraccommodations,atinyroominaninexpensivepension.Whentheyarrived,PatimmediatelypassedoutnexttoMarieinoneofthetwotwinbeds.Notlongafterheretired,however,hisheadstartedtospin,andhewasovercomewiththesuddenurgetoexpelthecontentsofhisstomach.Fortunately,hemanagedtoleanhisheadoverthesideofthemattressbeforevomiting;unfortunately,Marie’sopenrucksackwasrestingon the floorbeside theheadof thebed.“He threwup intoherbackpack,”saysChristine,“andhispukewasred.Therewasnothingin

hisstomachbutwine.Thenherolledoverandwentbacktosleep.Mariecleaneditup.Shewasnothappyaboutit.ShehadonlybroughtafewT-shirts and a couple of pairs of pants for the whole trip. And noweverything shehadwas stained red.Actually, itwas sortof funny.Welaughedaboutit.“Patwas ahandful,”Christine continues. “That’s thewordmy sister

used to describe him. She totally loved Pat—we all loved Pat—but hewasdefinitelyahandful.Duringtheoff-seasonhe’dhavepeopleovertotheir house in Arizona—Kevin, my cousin Frank, friends visiting fromAlmaden—andthey’dstayupuntilallhours.They’dbeextremelyloud,eventhoughshe’dbesleepinginthenextroomandwouldhavetogetup and go to work the next day. She’d scream and yell a little, theneventually give up: ‘Okay, whatever.’ She realized that Pat’srambunctiousnesswasanessentialpartofwhohewas,andtherewasn’talotshecoulddoaboutit,evenifsometimesshewantedto.”AlthoughPatacknowledgedinhisjournalthatheoverindulgedduring

theirgrandesoiréeParisienne,heexpressednoregretsabouttheevening.“WetopthenightoffwithAlexpassedoutonthebedandmepukingallovertheroom,”hewrote.“Well,Ihadagreattime,andsodidAlex.Thegirlsperhapscouldhavedonewithoutthepukeandobnoxiousness,butthey’llgetoveritandIknowtheyhadagoodtimeformostof it.Thegoodoutweighed thebad. Formehowever, therewasnobad…untilmorningrolledaround.”OneofthesacredtenetsofPat’smoralcodewasthatit’sunacceptable

to let a hangover interfere with one’s duties and commitments.AccordingtoPat’strainingregimen,suchcommitmentsincludedashortbutearlyrun.“Becauseoflastnight’santics,”Patwroteoftherun,“thismorning was rougher than it had to be. Alex and I had an hour runplanned and we didn’t want to miss it. Because of my puking I wasactually fine.Alex,ontheotherhand,wasamess,gettingthroughtherunpurely on guts, his bodyworthless. Fortunatelywe finished it andgotthedayofftoagoodstart.Itwouldhavesetabadprecedentlettingthedrinkinggetthebetterofus.”

Hammered, trashed, shit faced, plastered, buzzed, polluted, pickled.

Regardless of the terminology, Tillman loved to get intoxicated withgoodfriends.Heenjoyedalmosteverythingaboutgettingdrunk,infact:the sound of the Guinness going blub-blub-blub into the glass; thesheddingofcares;theheightenedsenseofinterpersonalconnection;theswellingeuphoria; theway it caused themusic toboreahole throughone’s skull; the giddy, fleeting glimpse it seemed to provide into thedeepestmysteries of the cosmos.When Patwas lit, recalls Alex, “he’dthrowhisheadback,hiseyeswouldturnintotheselittleslits,andhe’dletloosewiththisboominglaugh.Thenhisarmswouldshootoutwide,knockingbeersover,andhe’dactlikeitwasthefunniestthinghe’deverseen.Buthislaughwassoinfectiousyou’dbelaughing,too.Andifyouwere in a restaurant and the people at the next tablewere not happyaboutthenoise,he’dlookoveratthemandbe,like,‘Ihavenoideawhyyouaren’tlaughing,too,becausethisisreallyfunny.’“Being with Pat was the best,” Alex continues, his voice turning

wistful. “The drinking was better, the conversation was better, thelaughterwasbetter—everythinginlifewasjustbetterwhenhewaspartofit.”AlthoughimbibingwascertainlyoneofTillman’sgreatpleasures,his

favoritebeveragewasn’talcoholic.Itwascoffee,whichranthroughhislife like the Ganges runs through India, lending commonality todisparateexperiencesandfar-flungpointsofthecompass.AndalthoughPatdelighted in the ritualsassociatedwithcoffee—grinding thebeans,mashing down the plunger on a French press, perusing the menu atespressostands—thecoffeeitselfwasreallyjustalubricant,acatalyst,ameanstoaparticularend,whichwasstimulatingconversation.Marieagrees.“Helovedtohavepeoplearound,”sheremembers.“He

lovedconversation.Whenwe’dgettogetherwithourgoodfriends—thefriendswe’vehadsinceAlmaden—bytheendofthenightPatwasoftenthelastguytalking.Orifhewastired,hewould,like,laydownonthefloor, but he would insist that everyone else keep talking, keep theconversationgoing.Thenhewouldjustliethere,listeningtohisfriends’voices.”

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

A month after Pat and Marie returned from Europe, Pat drove fromArizona tonorthernCalifornia to compete in theAvenueof theGiantsMarathon, and on May 7 ran 26.2 miles through Humboldt County’smajestic, dripping redwoods, finishing in three hours, forty-eightminutes,andforty-eightseconds,goodenoughfor170thplaceinafieldof666.HewastheonlyplayerintheNFLtocompleteamarathonthatyear.Trainingforlong-distancerunning,asithappens,doesn’thelpagreat

deal with the maximum intensity, start-and-stop, largely anaerobicdemandsofplayingprofessionalfootball.ButPathadbeenworkinghardin the weight room as well as on running trails. When he arrived inFlagstaffonJuly21forthestartoftheCardinals’trainingcamp,hewasstronger thanhe’deverbeen,andweighed less thanhehadsincehighschool,havingresolvedtoraisehisplaytothehighestpossiblelevel.Writingthefirstentryinthejournalhe’ddecidedtokeepthroughout

the2000footballseason,Patpronounced,“Thisyearisahugeyear.ThisyearwilldecidewhetherIamastarter,contributingthewayIwant,orbestuckinaspecialteams/nickel/backuprolefortheremainderofmycareer. The opportunity has been given to me, I’m prepared bothphysically andmentally, it is all up tome. Huge fucking year, man.”Explaining his reasons for journaling (something he had never doneduringpreviousfootballseasons),headded,“1)Thisisapivotalyearformeandby taking the time toputdownmy thoughts Imight justhelpmyself.2)Ithinkinthefutureitwillbeagoodthingtohave,bothtolearnfromandlaughat.3)AfterkeepingmyjournalinEurope,Ilearnedtoenjoy it. I realize it’snogoodbut it’s still fun toputyour thoughtstogether….Practicestartstomorrow.”Playingthesafetyposition,Patconfidedinhisjournal,“isstillkindof

new tome”and is “moremental” thanplaying linebacker. “Forme, it

has taken some time to believe I can cover receivers (don’t get mewrong; itwill neverbemy strong suit).At linebacker I neverdoubtedmyspeedorcoveragebecauseIhadnoreasonto.AtsafetyIhavehadtolearn how to do it. It’s an ongoing process but I feel much morecomfortablethanthelasttwoyears.IreallybelieveIcanbeatopsafetyinthisleague….TogettowhereIwanttobeIneedtoconstantlyprovemyself. I cannot give the coaches any reason to think someone elseshouldbeplaying….Everyday,everyplay,justfuckingconcentrate.”As he almost always did, Pat accomplished what he set out to do,impressed the coaches at training camp, and by the final game of the2000 preseason—in San Diego on August 25—Pat had secured thestartingstrong-safetyjob.Likemostofthestarters,hedidn’tplaymuchinthatlastexhibitionmatchbeforetheregularseason.“Thebestpartofthegame,”hewrote,“wasthetimeIgottospendwithMa,Nub,Pooh,”*andthedozenorsoothersupporterswho’ddrivendownfromtheBayArea towatch him play. “Itwas nice to see everyone after the game,evenifitwasforashortwhile.Mysourcestellmetherewashighdramagoing on in the stands: Puking, fighting, yelling, etc. My friends andfamilyclearlybroughtthethunderIwashopingfor….“The season is now ready to begin. Thisweek I plan on spending ashitload of time watching film and preparing for Sunday,” when theCardinalswouldplaytheGiantsinNewYork.“Hopefullywe’llforcetheGiants to throwtheball so I cancomedownwith[an interception]….One thing Iwill concentrateon isputtingmy faceonpeople.The lastcouple of games I’ve not made the plays I should. Sunday I’m goingoff….Iamreallyfuckingexcitedtogetthisseasongoing.It’sincrediblyimportantIstartoffwithabang.”As it happened, the official 2000 football season did begindramaticallyforTillman,butnotinthewayhe’denvisioned.TheGiants,whowouldfinishthatseasonwitha14–5recordandgoallthewaytotheSuperBowl,wereoneof thebest teams in theNFL.TheCardinalswere among the most awful. The game, to put it charitably, was amismatch. Theworstmoment forTillman came in the secondquarter.WiththeGiantsbackontheirtwenty-two-yardline,NewYork’srunningbackTikiBarbertookthehandofffromquarterbackKerryCollins,dartedthrough a hole on the right side of the line, and accelerated into the

openfield.Tillman,positionedperfectlytostophim,divedtomakethetackle.Barberdancedoutof theway,however,causingTillman to fallon his face, and then galloped seventy-eight yards for a Giantstouchdown, the longest run of his career.NewYork endedup beatingtheCardinals,21–16.The day after the game Pat wrote in his journal, “I fucking suck. Imissedatacklethatresultedina78-yardtouchdown.Boo.Notquitethejump out of the blocks I was shooting for. Fuck it. I’ll do better thisweek.”There areno further journal entriesuntil September9, the Saturdaybefore the Cardinals’ next game, against theDallas Cowboys. “What afuckingnightmare,”theentrybegins.

SinceSundaymyathleticcareerhastakenaseriousturnfortheterrible. I’ve been swimming in this missed tackle for days,which has made me a bit introverted and quiet. I’m notbrooding asmuch as just focusing on getting better. Practiceshavebeenserious formeas I concentrateonnomistakesandmakingplays.However,becauseI’vebeenquiet I’vegiventheimpression I’m down, and folks have asked if I’m OK. Well,Thursdayatpracticeeverythingisgoingfine.I’mplayingwell,nomistakes,brokeupapass,andfeelinggoodafter7-on-7[apasscoveragedrill]aswego intoblitzperiod[apass rushingdrill]. I ranagreatblitzon the firstplayandon the second Ihadasack,buttherunningbackhitmelaterthanIthoughtheshould. Not hard, just enough. I grabbed his facemask, reallynot wanting to fight, but he grabbed mine (obviously, to beexpected)andIjustsaid,“fuckit.”Istartedkneeinghiminthegut, then tossedhis ass to thegroundbefore Iwaseventuallypriedoff.

AfterthisfracasPatwroteinhisjournal:

Coach[VinceTobin]kickedmyassoutofpracticeandaddedinsultto injurybymakingmedothescoutstuff.LateronIhadtogo in

and speak to Mr. Tobin, where he said he was “incrediblydisappointed” in my play Sunday; I’m “out of control”; and hedoesn’t thinkI’mastarter in this league.PrettymucheverythingIhavebeenworkingtoovercome.Thisepisodereallyputthecherryatopafucked-upweek.

What is the most disappointing is how well my camp hadgone,pre-season,evenlastweek’spractice,onlytobepissedonby a sub-par opening game. From here I’ve basically realizedthey will start Tommy [Bennett, the strong safety who wasinjuredneartheendof1999]assoonashe’shealthy.Inorderto prevent this I’m going to have to pull something crazy offthisweekendagainstDallas.Ohwell,couldbeworse.AllIcandoiskeepworking.

OnedayafterPatwrotethisgrimwrap-upofhisweek,theCardinalsplayedwhatwould turnout tobe theirbestgameof theyear, againsttheCowboys.LateinthefourthquarterArizonawasbackeduptotheirown fifteen-yard line, trailing the Cowboys by five points, whenquarterback Jake Plummer threw the ball toDavid Boston for a sixty-three-yard gain. Three plays later, with just under two minutesremaining in the game, Plummer passed to Frank Sanders in the endzoneforatouchdown.AlthoughtheCowboysonlyneededafieldgoaltowinthegame,Patandthedefenseduginandstoppedthemcold.Whentimeranout,ArizonahadupsetDallas,32–31.AndTillmanhadplayedbrilliantly,includingsomecriticaltacklesofthesuperstarrunningbackEmmittSmith.“Sundaywasagreatday,”Patrecordedinhisjournal.

NotonlydidwebeattheCowboysbyonepoint,butIplayed,inmy estimation, a hell of a game: 7 tackles, 1 quarterbackhit,and3passbreakups(oneofwhichshouldhavebeenapick)….I amoverly excitedabout thegame.Thewholeweek Iwas afucking mess. Worrying about the future, my ability to play,stuffIneverworryabout.Atleastnowiftheydecidetoreplaceme I have a solid reason for saying they’re wrong. Mostimportantly,though,I’mproudofhowIcamebackandplayed

well despite last week’s shitty game, the coach telling me Isuck,andswimminginmyfrustration.AsNubsowiselywrote,I showed “the fortitude and savvy of a champion.” As forshamelesslythrowingthesecomplimentsaboutmyselfinhere,Istandby them.After lastweek’sabortion Ineedall I canget.My modesty will return when I’m comfortably holding astartingposition.ThisnextweekisabyeandI’mhopingtousethe time off to relax. Perhaps take Marie to Sedona orsomething.NormallyI’dgohomebuttheweekcreptupquickandweforgottobuyplaneticketsthatI’drathernotdrop$400fornow.

TheDallasgameturnedaroundPat’sseason.Notonlydidheholdonto his starter’s job, but he kept getting better and better with eachsuccessiveweek.Duringa tough20–27 loss to theSanFrancisco49ersonOctober1,Patmadeeight tacklesandknocked theball loose forafumble.Afterthegame,hewrote,“JerryRiceevencameuptomeandsaidIplayedwell.”AweeklateragainsttheClevelandBrowns,hemadethirteentacklesandbrokeupapassonthelastplayofthegametogiveArizonatheirsecondwinoftheyear.

OnthemorningofOctober12,2000,fourdaysafterTillmanhelpedtheCardinals defeat the Browns, the USS Cole—a billion-dollar, 505-foot-long guided-missile destroyer—arrived in the Yemeni port of Aden onthesoutherntipoftheArabianPeninsulatotopoff itsfueltanksatanoffshore buoy. Two years earlier, some of the cruisemissiles launchedagainst theZawarKili training camp inKhost,Afghanistan,during theunsuccessful attempt to killOsamabin Ladenhad been fired from theCole.Oneofthemostheavilyarmoredandtechnologicallysophisticatedvessels in the U.S. Navy, its AEGIS radar system was capable ofdefending it against hundreds of enemy missiles or fighter jetssimultaneously bearing down within a two-hundred-mile radius. Theship had been designed to be nearly invincible against the mostadvancedweaponssystemsthePentagonhadbeenabletoimagine.At11:18a.m.,bywhichtimetheColehadfinishedtakingonfuelandwasgettingreadytocastoff,twomeninatwenty-foot-longfishingboat

poweredbyanoutboardmotor—anopenfiberglassskiffcalledanhourithat was ubiquitous in Yemeni waters—pulled alongside the immensedestroyerandcametoastop,inthemannerofaminnowswimmingupto a whale. The two Arabs on board the houri smiled and waved atAmericansailorsstandingabovethemattherailoftheCole.Thesailorsassumedthelittleboathadbeensummonedbyanofficeronthebridgetohaulawaythedestroyer’sgarbage.AmomentlateroneofthesmilingArabsdetonatedabombmade fromhundredsofpoundsofC-4plasticexplosive packed into awelded steel casing shaped to concentrate theforceoftheblast.Theexplosion,accompaniedbyatremendousfireball,punched a jagged, thirty-five-foot-by-thirty-six-foot hole through thethicksteelhulloftheship,killingseventeensailorsandinjuringthirty-nineothers,manyofwhomlostlimbsand/orwerehorriblyburned.Thesuicidebombersturnedouttobemembersofal-Qaeda.According

to The 9/11 Commission Report, the operation had been “superviseddirectly by bin Ladin. He chose the target and location of the attack,selected the suicide operatives, and provided the money needed topurchase explosives and equipment.” Analysis by the CIA determinedthattheblasthadverynearlysunktheCole,andcouldeasilyhavekilledas many as three hundred sailors. Like the rented van packed withexplosives thathadbeendetonatedbeneath theWorldTradeCenter in1993,whichhadcomeveryclosetobringingdowntheTwinTowers,theattack on theCole had fallen just shy of destroying its target. But thejihadiswhohaddirectedbothattackswerelearningfromtheirmistakesandcontinuallyrefiningtheirstratagemsaccordingly.For his part, bin Laden had hoped the attack would provoke the

United States into invading Afghanistan. Expecting to be targeted, hefled the compoundwherehehadbeen stayingnearKandahar andhidfirst at a compound outside of Kabul, then at a compound in KhostProvince.TheAmericansconsideredaretaliatorymissileattackagainstthe al-Qaeda leader, similar to the strike on Zawar Kili in 1998, buteventually scrapped the plan because theyweren’t surewhere hewasandtheydidn’twanttobeembarrassedbyanotherfailure.Annoyedbythe Americans’ refusal to take the bait, bin Laden resolved to keepattacking prominent symbols of American hegemony until the UnitedStates would finally have no choice but to invade Afghanistan and

becomemiredinanunwinnablewar,justastheSovietshad.AscitedinThe9/11CommissionReport, acovertCIAsource stated thatbinLadenhad“complainedfrequentlythattheUnitedStateshadnotyetattacked.According to the source, bin Ladin [sic] wanted the United States toattack,andifitdidnothewouldlaunchsomethingbigger.”

Three days after the attack on the USS Cole, Tillman made nineteentacklesina14–33losstothePhiladelphiaEagles.ThefollowingSunday,October 22, the Cardinals were routed by Dallas. Two days after thegamePatwrote,“Youthoughtwegotbeatlastweek….Youshouldhaveseen Sunday: 48–7. The worst part is the score was better than itactuallywas.[TheCowboys]absolutelyranthroughus.Ourfrontlineisunabletoevenslowtherunnersdown,letalonetacklethem.”Pattooksomesmallsatisfactionfromthefactthatwhentheseopposingrunnersgot into the backfield, they usually couldn’t get past him. He madesixteentacklesonthatday,promptinghimtonote,“AttheveryleastIcanclingtothat.”Twoweekslater,Patplayedhisbestgameofhisprofessionalcareer,

makinganamazingtwenty-onetacklesagainsttheWashingtonRedskins.Atonepointhesprintedfromthefarsideofthefieldandthrewhimselfinto the legs of the Washington ballcarrier Stephen Davis, who hadgainedthirty-twoyardsontheplayandwouldhavecontinuedrunningall the way into the end zone for a touchdown if Tillman hadn’ttorpedoed him. Pat’s tackle preserved a rare Cardinals victory—theirthird,andlast,oftheseason.

*Kevinwasborn in1978,whenPatwas fourteenmonthsold.Becausehecouldn’tpronounce“Kevin”atthetime,Patcalledhislittlebrother“Nubbin”or“Nub,”andthemonikerstuck.Asdid “Pooh,” Pat and Kevin’s nickname for their younger brother, Richard, born in 1981,whoremindedtheboysoftherotundprotagonistoftheWinnie-the-Poohstoriesreadtothembytheirmother.

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

OnNovember 7, two days after the Cardinals’ win over the Redskins,Americanswenttothepollstoelectanewpresident.AlthoughAlGorereceived 543,816 more votes than George W. Bush (51,003,926 to50,460,110), the popular votewas immaterial. The officewould go tothe candidatewho garnered amajority of the electoral votes, and theelectoralvotecountremaineduncertainformorethanamonthaftertheelection.BythemorningofNovember8,itwasclearthatGorehadwonatleast255electoralvotesandBushhadwonatleast246.But270suchvoteswere required towin thepresidency,and itwas far fromcertainwho rightfully deserved to receive Florida’s twenty-five electoral votesbecauseitwasimpossibletosaywhohadwonthepopularvoteinthatstate,owingtowidespreadvotingirregularities.WhenFlorida’sballotswereinitiallycounted,BushledGoreby1,784

votes (out of some 6 million votes cast), prompting an automaticrecount.OnNovember10,afterthatrecount,themarginofvictorywasreduced to 327 votes, at which point Gore exercised his right underFloridalawtodemandthattheballotsbecarefullyrecountedagain,thistimebyhand,infourcountiesthathadapreponderanceofDemocraticvoters.Theupshotwasaseriesofbitterlydisputedrecountsthatdraggedon for weeks, sparking a corresponding flurry of lawsuits and muchgnashingofteeth.More than a little of the postelection anguish (on the part of

Democrats,atanyrate)derivedfromthefactthat97,421Floridianshadvoted for the third-party candidate Ralph Nader. Throughout hiscampaign, Nader had labeled Bush and Gore “Tweedledum andTweedledee,” insisting there was no real distinction between theirpositions. At a press conference in September 2000 Nader hadproclaimed,“Itdoesn’tmatterwhoisintheWhiteHouse,GoreorBush.”Now it appeared that enough voters had believed him to skew theoutcomeoftheelection.Exitpollsindicatedthathadhenotbeeninthe

race, 38 percent of his voters would have voted for Gore, 25 percentwouldhavevotedforBush,andtheremaining37percentwouldn’thavebothered to vote at all. In other words, without Nader on the ballot,Gore would have beaten Bush by nearly thirteen thousand votes andbecomepresidentoftheUnitedStatesbyacomfortablemargin.ButNaderofcoursewasontheballot,andonNovember8theFloridavote was therefore too close to call. When November gave way toDecember, it remained that way, despite the ongoing recounts. Thewaters were muddied by several contradictory rulings from variousFlorida courts, some of which favored Gore, others of which favoredBush.Complicatingmatters even further, federal law stipulated that inordertoprecludeapossiblecongressionalchallengetothelegitimacyoftherepresentativesFloridaappointedtotheelectoralcollege,thestate’svotecounthadtobecompletedandcertifiedbymidnightonDecember12.Missing thisdeadline,as it turnedout,wouldnothave invalidatedtheFloridaelectionresults:morethanathirdofthefiftystatesfailedtomeettheDecember12targetwithoutincident.ThecrucialdeadlineforcertifyingFlorida’svotecountdidn’tactuallyfalluntilJanuary6,2001.But if the December 12 deadlinewasn’t particularly important, it waswidelyperceivedtobe,andthereforeinfusedtheongoingdramawithanaddedmeasureoftension.OnDecember8,Gore appeared tohaveprevailed in the legal arenawhenhewonakeyrulingbytheFloridaSupremeCourt,whichorderedyetanothermanualrecountofsomeforty-fivethousanddisputedballotsthroughoutthestate.Asthisrecountgotunderway,Bush’sleadrapidlydiminished. On December 9, however, before the tally could becompleted,theU.S.SupremeCourtvoted5–4toissueaninjunctionthathalted the recount in response to an emergency plea filed by Bush’sattorneys.Atthetimethisstaywasgranted,Bush’sleadhaddwindledto154votesandappearedtobefastonitswaytovanishingaltogether.TheDecember9injunctionprovokedfuriousprotestsfromDemocratsandwasderidedbylegalscholarsasatransparentlypartisanattemptbythe Rehnquist Court to hand the election to Bush. Unmoved by thefirestorm of criticism, the Supreme Court justices issued theirmomentousdecision inBushv.Gore threedays later, at10:00p.m.onDecember12.Againbyavoteof5–4,theCourtruledthattheDecember

12deadlineforcertifyingthevotecountwouldinfactbebinding,andbecausecompletingaconstitutionallyvalidrecountwouldbeimpossiblewithin the two hours that remained before the clock struckmidnight,therewouldbenofurtherreckoningofFlorida’sdisputedvotes.IncensedGoresupportersquicklypointedoutthatjustsixparagraphsearlierinthetextofthesamerulingtheCourthaddeclared,“Thepressoftimedoesnotdiminishtheconstitutionalconcern.Adesireforspeedis not a general excuse for ignoring equal protection guarantees.”Furthermore,theGorecampargued,theonlyreasonarecountcouldn’tbe completed by the court-mandated deadlinewas that the same five-justicemajorityhadstoppedtherecountthreedayspreviouslywiththeirDecember9 injunction,predetermining theoutcomeof theirDecember12ruling.Critics found numerous other reasons to cry foul over the Court’shastilyrendereddecision.AmongthemostcompellingwereallegationsthattwoofthefivejusticeswhovotedwiththemajorityinfavorofBush—AntoninScaliaandSandraDayO’Connor—unequivocallyviolatedthefederal judicial conflict-of-interest statute by participating in Bush v.Gore. IntheinstanceofScalia, twoofhissonswereaffiliatedwithlawfirms that happened to be representing Bush at the time. RegardingO’Connor,whowasseventyyearsoldandinpoorhealth,shehadstatedonseveraloccasionsthatshewasveryeagertoretirefromtheCourtanddid not want a Democrat to nominate her successor. Had Scalia andO’Connor recused themselves, as the statute clearly required, the votewouldhavebeen4–3infavorofGore.It wasn’t simply Gore supporters whowere outraged by the Court’sdecision. In adissentingopinion thatwasuncharacteristicallyharsh intone, Justice John Paul Stevens (a Republican appointed by PresidentGeraldFord)lamentedthattheoutcomeofBushv.Gore“canonlylendcredencetothemostcynicalappraisaloftheworkofjudgesthroughoutthe land….Althoughwemaynever knowwith complete certainty theidentityofthewinnerofthisyear’spresidentialelection,theidentityofthe loser isperfectlyclear. It is theNation’sconfidenceinthe judgeasanimpartialguardianoftheruleoflaw.”Be that as it may, the highest court in the land handed down itsdecision,whichallowedFlorida’ssecretaryofstate,KatherineHarris,to

certify the vote with Bush’s minuscule lead still intact, which in turngave Florida’s twenty-five electoral votes to the Republican candidate.Twenty-four hours after the Supreme Court issued its decisive ruling,Gore addressed the nation, declaring, “Let there be no doubt:While Istrongly disagree with the Court’s decision, I accept it. I accept thefinality of this outcome which will be ratified next Monday in theElectoral College….Whilewe yet hold and do not yield our opposingbeliefs, there is a higher duty than the onewe owe to political party.ThisisAmericaandweputcountrybeforeparty.Wewillstandtogetherbehind our new president.” And thus did Bush become the forty-thirdpresidentoftheUnitedStates,aturnofeventsthatwouldhavenosmallimpactonthelifeofPatTillman.OnApril27,2008,fouryearsafterTillman’sdeath,JusticeScaliawas

interviewedbyCBScorrespondentLesleyStahlonthetelevisionshow60Minutes. “Ithasbeen reported thathe [Scalia]playedapivotal role inurgingtheotherjusticestoendtheFloridarecount,therebyhandingthe2000 election to George Bush,” Stahl observed, and then confrontedScalia face-to-face: “People say that that decision was not based onjudicialphilosophybutonpolitics.”“I say nonsense,” he replied, deflecting the accusation with an

imperioussmirk.WhenStahlwouldn’tdroptheissue,hesnapped,“Getoverit.It’ssooldbynow.”

TwelvedaysaftertheSupremeCourtrulingthatwouldputBushintheWhiteHouse,TillmanandtheCardinalswerebackinthenation’scapitaltoplaytheirfinalgameoftheyear,whichtheylosttotheRedskinsinablowout. Tillman performed well, nevertheless, capping a season ofstellarplay.Patwascreditedwith224tackles,settinganewCardinalsrecord. Had he made that many tackles on a better team, he almostcertainlywouldhavewonenoughvotestoplayintheProBowl,theNFLall-star game, but because Arizona went 3–13 for the season he wasignoredintheballotingprocess.However, Tillman wasn’t overlooked by Paul Zimmerman, the

esteemedfootballwriterknowntohisreadersas“Dr.Z,”whopublishesa list of theNFL’sbestplayers inSports Illustrated at the conclusionof

each season.Aftermeticulously analyzing everyplayTillmanmade allyear, Zimmerman declared Pat to be the most accomplished strongsafetyintheleaguein2000.Playerswhomadehislistatotherpositionsincluded such luminaries as DonovanMcNabb,Marshall Faulk, RandyMoss, Ray Lewis, and Warren Sapp. In a column titled “My All-ProTeam,”Zimmermanacknowledged thathiselevationofTillman to thiselitecirclewouldsurprisemanyreaders.Footballaficionados,hewrote,werelikelyto“glanceatmyall-prolistandsneer,‘PatTillman!Whothehellisthat?Dr.Z’sgoingloonyonus.’”ButZimmermanexplainedwhyheheldTillman insuchhighregard.He began his evaluation of Pat with a three-day review of his playthroughoutthe2000season,duringwhich,Zimmermanwrote,hehada“dimawareness”thatTillmanhadanumberofgoodgamesandshouldbeanalyzedfurther.“Andthen,”hecontinued,

stringingtogetherallhisnumbers,Idiscover,hello,thathehasdefeated the competition…. I couldn’t believe the margin bywhich he outscored everybody on my board, so I startedmaking calls to personnel people whose opinions I respect….You want to laugh at me, go ahead. But I’ll show you, forinstance, my chart of Tillman’s performance against NewOrleans, when he was knocking down anything with aheartbeatand theCardinalshad theNFCWestchampson theropes for a while, or my documentation of his work in theSeptember victory over the Cowboys, when I got him for sixgreat pass defense plays and 10 stops near the line ofscrimmage,bothhighnumbersforastrongsafetythisseason.

Afterhispiecewaspublished,Zimmermanlateracknowledged,somesports announcers from the major television networks ridiculed hisselectionofTillmanasanAll-Proplayer,pointingoutthathewas“notthe greatest in coverage, etc. But what I had seen was a wild andpunishing tackling machine, a guy who lifted the performance ofeveryonearoundhim.Youcouldseethefireinthewholedefensiveunitwhenheledthechargetotheball.”Inthefinalanalysis,onecameawaybelievingthatDr.Zwasabsolutelyright:attheendofthe2000season,Tillmandeservedtobeconsideredoneofthebestplayersinprofessional

football.

Zimmerman’sarticlewaspostedontheInternetonJanuary3,2001.Inthe nation’s capital that day, Richard Clarke—the Clintonadministration’s national coordinator for security, infrastructureprotection, and counterterrorism—briefed the incoming Bushadministration’snewnationalsecurityadviser,CondoleezzaRice,onthedirethreattheUnitedStatesfacedfromOsamabinLadenandal-Qaeda.Clarke writes in his bookAgainst All Enemies: Inside America’sWar onTerror,“Mymessagewasstark:al-Qaedaisatwarwithus,itisahighlycapable organization, probablywith sleeper cells in theU.S., and it isclearly planning a major series of attacks against us; we must actdecisivelyandquickly,decidingonthe issuespreparedafter theattackontheCole,goingontheoffensive.”OnJanuary25,ClarkealertedRicethatsixrecentintelligencereports

uncoveredstatementsfromal-Qaedaoperativesboastingofanupcomingattack. Over the following weeks, he repeatedly implored her topersuade President Bush to give much higher priority to terrorism ingeneralandbinLadeninparticular,buthise-mailsandmemosweremetwithapathyandannoyance.

TheCardinalshadpaidTillmanasalaryof$361,500forhisservicesin2000,andhadgivenhimacontractthatlastedonlyasingleyear.Basedonhisperformanceinthejust-completedseason,theSt.LouisRams—aterrific team that had won the Super Bowl a year earlier—believedTillmanwasworthconsiderablymorethanthat.OnApril13,2001,theRams’management offered him a five-year deal for $9.6million, $2.6million of which would be paid up front, upon signing. Frank Bauer,Tillman’sagent,immediatelycalledhimwiththegoodnews.“IgetPattyonthephone,”Bauerremembers,“andtellhim,‘Listentome.TheRamsreallywantyou,andIdon’tseeArizonamatchingtheiroffer.I’mgoingtofaxtheRams’offersheettoyou.Youhavetosignit.’”Bauer assumed Pat would leap at the deal, as almost any player

would.Instead,Tillmantoldhim,“Ineedtothinkaboutthis.”“Patty!”Bauerreplied.“Whatareyoudoingtomehere!You’rekilling

me!”Tillmansaidhe’dletBauerknowhisdecisioninadayortwo.“SoPatcallsback,”accordingtoBauer,“andhetellsme, ‘Look,Frank, theCardinalsdraftedmeintheseventhround.Theybelievedinme.I lovethecoacheshere.Ican’tbringmyselftotaketheofferfromtheRams.’Isaid,‘Patty,areyounuts?Areyoufuckin’crazy?TheRamswanttopayyou$9.6million!IfyoustaywiththeCardinals,itdoesn’ttakearocketscientist to figure out that you’re gonna be playing for $512,000.’ Patsays, ‘I’ve made my decision, Frank. I’m going to stay with theCardinals.’“In twenty-seven years,” Bauer continues, “I’ve never had a player

turn down that big of a package in theNational Football League. I’vehadplayerstaketwentygrandlessperyeartostayatclubstheyreallywanted to play for, but turning down nine and a half million? That’sunheard of. You just don’t see loyalty like that in sports today. PatTillman was special. He was a man of principle. He was a once-in-a-lifetimekid.”After he declined the Rams’ offer, the Cardinals offered Tillman

another one-year deal for the 2001 season that would pay him theleague minimum for a fourth-year player, $512,000, just as Bauerpredicted. Pat signed the contract, provoking expressions ofastonishmentfromplayers,coaches,andfansaroundtheleague.Forhispart,however,Tillmanhadnoregrets.Hewasoneof those rare individualswho simply can’t bebought at

any price. Although he had no qualms about making a boatload ofmoneyifithappenedtomeshwithhismasterplan,Patwasimpervioustogreed.Hisbeliefthatotherthingsinlifetookpriorityoveramassingwealthnever faltered.But if Tillmanwasuncommonly resistant to thetemptations of the baser human appetites, and was thereby welldefendedagainstattemptsbyotherstomanipulatehimintodoingtheirbiddingwith such enticements, he found it nearly impossible to resistappealstohissenseofdecencyandjustice.Paradoxically,thislattertraitwouldultimatelyprovetobehisdownfall.

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

Although Pat spoke self-deprecatingly about his intelligence, andclaimedthathisacademicsuccessincollegecamefromhardworkratherthanbrainpower,hisintellectualcuriositywasboundless,andhewasacompulsive reader who never went anywhere without a book. PatMurphy, the celebrated Arizona State University baseball coach,remembers seeing Pat in the bleachers duringmost of the SunDevils’baseball gameswhen Kevinwas on the team. “He always had a bookwithhim,”saysMurphy.“Betweeninnings,oranytimetherewasalull,he’dhaveitopenandhe’dbereadingsomething.”Becausehelovedengagingininformeddebate,Patmadeaneffortto

study history, economic theory, and world events from a variety ofperspectives.Toward thatendhe read theBible, theBookofMormon,theQuran,andtheworksofwritersrangingfromAdolfHitlertoHenryDavid Thoreau. Although Tillman held strong opinions on manysubjects, he was bracingly open-minded and quick to admit he waswrongwhenconfrontedwithfactsandapersuasiveargument.Withhisshoulder-lengthhairandoutspokenviews,Tillmanhadbeen

considered amaverick ever since his arrival in Tempe to attend ASU,and he’d done many things in the ensuing years that confirmed hisunconventionalreputationinthemindsofArizonans.Hewasanardentadvocatefortherightsofhomosexuals,forinstance,andoncedemandedofLyleSetencich,anASUfootballcoachforwhomhehadgreatrespect,“Could you coach gays?” When Setencich answered not only yes hecould,butthathealreadyhad,Tillman’sesteemforthecoachgrewevenhigher.Curiously, however, nothing seemed to enhance his nonconformist

reputationmorethanhisdecisiontoenteratriathloninthesummerof2001. Twomonths after turning down the Rams’ offer and re-signingwiththeCardinals,PatflewtoCambridge,Maryland,tocompeteagainst

sixteenhundredpeople in theBlackwaterEagleManTriathlon.Whenareporter for ESPN askedTillmanwhat hadmotivated him to enter hisfirst triathlon (after suggesting he must be a “pathological, clinicallycalibrated masochist”), Pat replied, “We’ve got a long-ass off-season.Doingstufflikethisgivesmesomethingtofocuson.Ifeellikeabumnotdoing anything in the off-season. It forces you to stay on a schedule,keeps you from going out and drinking each night, doing somethingstupid.”ButtherewasmoretohisdecisionthanhesharedwithESPN.Patwasagnostic, perhaps even an atheist, but the Tillman family creednevertheless imparted to him an overarching sense of values thatincludedabelief inthetranscendentimportanceofcontinuallystrivingto better oneself—intellectually, morally, and physically. Enduranceevents like marathons and triathlons, which favor bony ectomorphs,were not Tillman’s strong suit—hence their appeal to him: they wereespecially challenging to a guy with the hulking physique of aprofessionalfootballplayer.Pat didn’t expect to beat many expert triathletes, but he wanted todemonstrate to himself that he could finish the event’s 1.2-mile swim,56-mile bike ride, and 13.1-mile run. Being competitive by nature, healsolookedforwardtocompetingagainsthimself—hewaseagertoseejusthowgoodatriathletehecouldbecomeinthelimitedtimehehadtopreparefortherace.Hetookpleasure,duringhistwice-dailyruns,rides,and swimming sessions, in forcing himself to ignore the lactic acidburninginhisarmsandlegs,pushthroughthepain,andcoverwhateverdistancehe’dset forhimself thatdaya fewseconds faster thanhehadtheweekbefore. Itmadehimphysically stronger, needless to say, butmore important, he believed, it developed something that might betermedcharacter.On June 3, after undergoing three months of rigorous training, Patcompleted the seventy-mile EagleMan event in six hours, tenminutes,andeight seconds.Thiswasalmost twohours slower than thewinner,andplacedhim956thamongthe1,278finishers,buttherace—andthetraining that preceded it—were immensely satisfying to him. Inmanyways Tillman had approached this triathlon the same way heapproached football—he just happened to have genes that made him

really,reallygoodatthelatterandnottheformer.

On June 30, 2001, the CIA issued a top-secret report known as theSenior Executive Intelligence Brief that included an article titled “BinLaden Threats Are Real.” By late July “the systemwas blinking red,”according to the CIA director, George Tenet, and could not “get anyworse.”Yet thehighest-rankingmembers of theBush administration—including National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, Secretary ofDefenseDonaldRumsfeld,DeputySecretaryofDefensePaulWolfowitz,VicePresidentDickCheney, andPresidentBushhimself—continued toexpressdoubtsabout the seriousnessof the threatposedbybinLaden.Two senior officials in the CIA’s Counterterrorist Center were sodismayedby the failureof theWhiteHouse toheed their impassionedwarningsthattheyconsideredresigningandtakingtheirconcernstothemedia.OnJuly27,thedayTillmanandhisteammatesarrivedinFlagstaffforthe start of the Cardinals’ 2001 preseason training camp, thecounterterrorism czarRichardClarke informedRice that thedanger ofan imminentattack fromal-Qaedahadmost likelypassed.Hewarned,however, that new intelligence indicated the attack had merely beenpostponedforafewmonthsand“willstillhappen.”Ten days later, on Monday, August 6, George W. Bush received aconfidential document known as the President’s Daily Brief whilevacationingathis ranch inCrawford,Texas.Thememo,a summaryofimportant intelligence assembled by the CIA, included a two-pageassessment of the current threat posed by terrorists. At the top of thisreport was a headline in boldfaced type that read, “Bin LadinDetermined To Strike in US.” In its concluding paragraphs, the reportwarnedthatinformationgatheredbytheFBI

indicates patterns of suspicious activity in this countryconsistent with preparations for hijackings or other types ofattacks, including recent surveillance of federal buildings inNewYork.The FBI is conducting approximately 70 full field

investigations throughout the US that it considers Bin-Ladin-related.CIAandtheFBIareinvestigatingacalltoourembassyinthe[UnitedArabEmirates]inMaysayingthatagroupofBinLadin supporters was in the US planning attacks withexplosives.

Thismemowas the thirty-sixth occasion during the preceding eightmonthsthattheCIAhadalertedtheWhiteHousetothethreatposedbyal-Qaeda or bin Laden. After a CIA officer finished briefing PresidentBush on the memo, according to Ron Suskind’s book The One PercentDoctrine,thecommanderinchiefwasopenlydisdainfulofthewarningitcontained.“Allright,”Bushtoldtheofficerinasarcastictoneofvoice,“you’vecoveredyourass,”and thendismissedhim. (Threeyears later,aftertheconfidentialmemowasdeclassifiedandreleasedtothepublic,thepresident’snationalsecurityadviser,CondoleezzaRice,wouldinsistthat the confidential memo contained nothing more than “historicalinformation based on old reporting. There was no new threatinformation.”)Growing increasingly desperate to convince Rice, Rumsfeld, Cheney,

andBushoftheneedtotakedecisiveactiontopreventthemajorattackthathebelievedbinLadenwasabouttolaunchwithinthebordersoftheUnitedStates,RichardClarkesentRiceascathinge-mailthatchallengedher to imagine how she and her White House colleagues would feel“when in the very near future al-Qaeda had killed hundreds ofAmericans: ‘What will you wish then that you had already done?’ ”Clarke issued this urgent call to action at the beginning of September2001,exactlyoneweekbeforetheattacksof9/11.

BytheconclusionoftheCardinals’trainingcampattheendofAugust,Pat was feeling secure about his job as a starter, and was lookingforward to the team’s first gameof the season.Most teams in theNFLplayedtheirinitialgameonSeptember9,butduetothevagariesoftheleague schedule Arizona wasn’t slated to play until the followingSunday,September16.On theTuesdaybefore that first game for theCardinals, the players

were given the day off, as they usually were on Tuesdays. Pat was

intending to sleep late that morning, but shortly after 7:00 a.m.mountainstandardtimehewasjarredawakebyaringingphone.ItwashisbrotherKevin,soundingfrantic,yellingathim,“GetyourassupandturntheTVon!”WhenPat raced intohis living roomand switchedonhis television,thefirstthinghesawwasafilmclipofaBoeing767crashingintotheWorldTradeCenterat590milesperhour,sendingafluorescentblossomof fire bursting through the upper floors of the south tower. Anewscaster was explaining that the footage showed United AirlinesFlight 175 striking the tower an hour earlier, at 9:03 a.m. easterndaylight time, and that the entire building had just collapsed withthousandsofpeoplestill inside.AnotherBoeing767,AmericanAirlinesFlight11,according to thereporter,had flown into thenorth towerat8:46 EDT, and that building was now burning out of control. Twentyminutes later Pat was still staring at the screen, transfixed, when thenorthtowerplummetedtothegroundbeforehiseyes.“Ilefttogointowork,”saysMarie,“buthesattherewatchingallmorning,andithadabigimpactonhim.”Shortly after the first tower had been struck from the north,eyewitnessesreportedthatthejethadbeenattemptingtoswerveawayfrom the building before crashing into it, prompting many people toassume the collision was a terrible accident. But when the second jetflew into the south tower from the opposite direction, there was nomistakingthatasophisticatedattackonNewYorkwasunderway.LikemostAmericans,Patfounditverydifficulttogethismindaroundthis.Itseemedbeyondbelief.With Marie at work, eventually he left the house and went to theCardinals’ training facility, where he resumed his vigil in front of atelevisionamonghisteammates.Footageoftinyfiguresleapingfromtheupper floorsof theburning towersand tumbling through space left anindelible impression on him. Pat was especially affected by images ofpeoplejumpingfromthebuildingsholdinghands.Several days later, at the request of the Cardinals’ public relationsdepartment, Pat submitted to an interview that was videotaped fordistribution to the news media. When asked to speak about how thenationaltragedyhadaffectedhim,Patreflected,“Youdon’trealizehow

great a life we have over here…. Times like this you stop and thinkabout just how—not only how good we have it, but what kind of asystemwe live under.What freedoms we’re allowed. And that wasn’tbuilt overnight. And the flag’s a symbol of all that. A symbol of—Mygreat-grandfather was at Pearl Harbor. And a lot of my familyhas…goneandfoughtinwars.AndIreallyhaven’tdoneadamnthingas far as layingmyself on the line like that. So I have a great deal ofrespectforthosewhohave.Andwhattheflagstandsfor.”The league canceled all the games that had been scheduled for the

Sunday and Monday following September 11, but had announced theseason would resume on the twenty-third, when the Cardinals wouldplaytheDenverBroncos.Withthetaperolling,theinterviewertriedtoelicit a statement fromPat to the effect that he and the other playerswere eager to resumeplaying football, in spite of the attacks thathadkillednearlythreethousandpeople.Tillmandidhisbesttosticktothisupbeat script. “I want to play now,” he started to mumble, lookinguncomfortable, “if for no other reason—just because this thing hasalreadydoneenoughdamage.Let’smoveon.Let’smoveon,let’sgooutthere,sitoutthereforthenationalanthem.”Itwasbecomingpainfullyobvious, however, that thesewordsweren’t coming from his heart. “Idon’t know,” he stammered, attempting to continue. Then he sighed,collected his thoughts, and declared, “It’s hard because … I play agoddamn—Weplayfootball,youknow?Itjustseemssogoddamn…Itissounimportantcomparedtoeverythingthat’stakenplace.”Atthetime,nobodywhosawthisinterviewassignedgreatportentto

thisstatement,ortothedepthofemotionwithwhichitwasdelivered.Lookingbackatitagaininlightofsubsequentevents,however,itseemsobviousthatTillmanhadalreadybeguntothinkseriouslyaboutmakingchangesinhislife—changesthat, inthecontextoftheal-Qaedastrikeson New York and Washington, would entail doing something heconsideredtobeofgreaterconsequencethanplayingfootball.

CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

Because the league suspendedplay following theattacksonSeptember11,when theDenverBroncos came toTempeon the twenty-third, theCardinals hadn’t played a game since their final exhibition game onAugust30,morethanthreeweeksearlier.Patandhis teammateswereunderstandably rusty, although it wasn’t apparent initially. JakePlummer completed his first five passes for 109 yards, and Arizonascoreda fieldgoalanda touchdownearly in thegame to takea10–0lead. But then the Cardinals squandered their momentum by makingthree turnovers, and theBroncos’ offense, reenergized, steamrolled theCardinals’defense.Denverwon,38–17.Patplayedpoorly.His lowestmomentoccurredwith6:05remaining

in the thirdquarter.TheBroncoshad theballon theCardinals’ thirty-six-yardlinewhenDenverquarterbackBrianGriesethrewapasstowardthe receiver Eddie Kennison, who was being covered by Tillman.KennisonhadgottenawayfromPat,however,andwasopenintheendzone, so Pat grabbed him illegally to prevent him from catching thefootball.Althoughthepasswasincomplete,arefereesawtheinfractionandchargedPatwithapassinterferencepenalty,whichgaveDenverafirst down on the Cardinals’ one-yard line. On the next play, Griesethrew the ball to the fullback Patrick Hape for an easy touchdown,puttingtheBroncosahead,31–10.Patwasfuriousathimselffortherestoftheday,butbythetimehe

wenttobedthatnighthehadalreadyregainedhisperspective,andwaslookingforwardtousingtheepisodeasalearningexperiencetoimprovehisperformanceinthefuture.“Forthemostpart,”Marieexplains,“Patputfootballinitsproperplace.Ifhehadabadgame,hewouldtakeithard. It was his job, and he took it seriously. But there were only ahandful of instances that I can remember when he was really, reallyupsetaboutit.”

The following Sunday, September 30, the Cardinals lost at homeagain, this time to theAtlanta Falcons, 34–14.Only 23,790 spectatorshadshownup towitness thedefeat,Arizona’s smallesthomecrowd inmanyyears.TheSundayafterthat,theCardinalsflewtoPhiladelphiatoplay Donovan McNabb and the red-hot Eagles in Veterans Stadium.Sixty-sixthousandthreehundredandsixtyfanswerethere,asellout,tocheer their beloved Eagles. The start of the game was delayed nineminutes, however, so that a speech from the president of the UnitedStatescouldbebroadcastlivetothecrowd.At1:00p.m.,astheplayersfrombothteamsstoodonthefieldbeforetheopeningkickoff,asurrealimage of George W. Bush materialized above them on the stadium’sJumboTron.Dressedinadarksuitwitharedtie,sittingintheWhiteHouseTreatyRoom with an American flag behind his right shoulder, the presidentpronounced,“Goodafternoon.”

On my orders, the United States military has begun strikesagainst al-Qaeda terrorist training camps and militaryinstallations of the Taliban regime in Afghanistan. Thesecarefully targeted actions are designed to disrupt the use ofAfghanistanasaterroristbaseofoperations,andtoattackthemilitarycapabilityoftheTalibanregime….Morethantwoweeksago,IgaveTalibanleadersaseriesofclearandspecificdemands:Closeterroristtrainingcamps;handover leaders of the al-Qaeda network; and return all foreignnationals, including American citizens, unjustly detained inyourcountry.Noneof thesedemandsweremet.Andnow theTalibanwill pay a price. By destroying camps and disruptingcommunications,wewillmake itmore difficult for the terrornetworktotrainnewrecruitsandcoordinatetheirevilplans.Initially, the terrorists may burrow deeper into caves andother entrenched hiding places. Our military action is alsodesigned to clear the way for sustained, comprehensive andrelentless operations to drive them out and bring them tojustice….We did not ask for this mission, but we will fulfill it. The

name of today’s military operation is Enduring Freedom. Wedefendnotonlyourpreciousfreedoms,butalsothefreedomofpeople everywhere to live and raise their children free fromfear….In the months ahead, our patience will be one of ourstrengths—patience with the long waits that will result fromtighter security; patience and understanding that it will taketimetoachieveourgoals;patienceinallthesacrificesthatmaycome.Today, those sacrifices are being made by members of ourArmed Forces who now defend us so far from home, and bytheirproudandworriedfamilies.ACommander-in-ChiefsendsAmerica’s sons and daughters into a battle in a foreign landonlyafterthegreatestcareandalotofprayer.Weaskalotofthosewhowearouruniform.Weaskthemtoleavetheirlovedones, to travel great distances, to risk injury, even to bepreparedtomaketheultimatesacrificeoftheirlives.Theyarededicated, they are honorable; they represent the best of ourcountry.Andwearegrateful.To all the men and women in our military—every sailor,every soldier, every airman, every coastguardsman, everyMarine—Isaythis:Yourmissionisdefined;yourobjectivesareclear;yourgoal is just.Youhavemy full confidence,andyouwillhaveeverytoolyouneedtocarryoutyourduty.Irecentlyreceivedatouchingletterthatsaysalotaboutthestate of America in these difficult times—a letter from a 4th-grade girl, with a father in themilitary: “Asmuch as I don’twantmyDad to fight,” shewrote,“I’mwilling togivehimtoyou.”Thisisapreciousgift,thegreatestshecouldgive.ThisyounggirlknowswhatAmerica isall about.SinceSeptember11,anentire generation of young Americans has gained newunderstandingofthevalueoffreedom,anditscostindutyandinsacrifice.Thebattleisnowjoinedonmanyfronts.Wewillnotwaver;

wewillnottire;wewillnotfalter;andwewillnotfail.Peaceandfreedomwillprevail.Thankyou.MayGodcontinuetoblessAmerica.

Tillman stared up at the towering video screen alongside histeammatesandpondered thepresident’swords.The strikesagainstbinLaden, al-Qaeda, and the Taliban of which Bush had spoken hadcommenced exactly two hours earlier when four American ships, anAmericansubmarine,andaBritishsubmarine launchedasynchronizedbarrage of cruise missiles toward Afghanistan. The first of these fiftymissileshadexplodedintotheir targets just thirty-threeminutesbeforeBushhadbegunhisaddresstothenation.WhenimagesofthemilitaryactionwereshownontheJumboTron,thecrowdfillingthestadiumletout a thunderous, cathartic roar. The attacks of 9/11 were beingavenged.TheUnitedStateswasnowatwar.The game between the Cardinals and the Eagles began immediately

afterthepresident’sspeech.Arizonawonit,21–20,whenJakePlummerthrew a thirty-five-yard touchdown pass to MarTay Jenkins on fourthdownwithonlyninesecondsleftontheclock.Tillmanhadtoleavethegame in the first quarter, however, with a severe sprain to his rightankleafterhereceivedanillegalcutblockfromtheEagles’JonRunyan,asix-footseven-inch,330-poundoffensive tackle.AlthoughPathoppedoff the fieldonone legwithoutassistance, the injury turnedout tobeserious. Other than the broken tibia he suffered when he was twelveyears old, it was the only debilitating injury Pat ever received on afootballfield,despitethefactthathewasoneofthehardest-hittingandmostaggressiveplayersintheleague.Immediatelyafter returning toArizona, ignoring thepain,Patbegan

workingoutsohewouldn’tlosetoomuchstrengthorspeedastheankleslowly healed. While his teammates practiced, Pat ran endless lapsaroundthefieldwithaninflatablecastonhisfoot.Andashecontinuedto rehabilitate the injury over the weeks that followed, he closelyfollowedthewarinAfghanistan.OnOctober19,thefirstAmericangroundtroops—asmallcontingent

ofArmyRangers—landedeightymiles southofKandahar.For the firstmonths of the war, though, the Bush administration was extremely

reluctanttoinvolvemorethanahandfulofSpecialOperationsForcesinthe conflict, relying instead on air strikes and ex-mujahideen militiaswhose serviceswere purchasedwith duffel bags full of hundred-dollarbills.Mostofthesemercenaryfighters(whoreceivedsome$70millionall told)wereTajiks,Uzbeks,Turkmen,andHazarasaffiliatedwiththeso-called Northern Alliance, which had been battling the Taliban forcontrolofAfghanistanforthebetterpartofadecade.DespitetheseverityofPat’sinjury,hemissedonlyfourgamesbeforereturningtothelineupagainsttheGiantsonNovember11,agametheCardinals lost, 17–10. Two days later, Northern Alliance fighters,supported by American bombers, took control of Kabul, forcing theTalibantoscatterintothesurroundingmountains.TheTalibanhadbeenvanquished from the Afghan capitalwith surprising ease, andwithoutthe death of even a single American soldier. The Bush administration,ecstatic over the painless victory that seemed at hand in Afghanistan,accelerated a secret plan it had been formulating to invade Iraq,although it would be many months before the president’s intent tolaunchasecondwarwouldberevealedtotheAmericanpublic.On November 25, a CIA officer named Johnny Michael Spann wasgunned down by the Taliban during a prison uprising that occurredoutside the northern city of Mazar-i-Sharif while Spann wasinterrogating prisoners of war—the first American to die in combatduring Operation Enduring Freedom. Ten days after that, three U.S.GreenBeretswerekilledand fiveothersweregravelywoundedon theoutskirtsofKandaharwhenaU.S.AirForceB-52bomber struck themwith a two-thousand-pound, satellite-guided “smart” bomb that hadbeencalibrated“formaximumblasteffect.”ThelatteraccidentoccurredduringadesperatefirefightbetweentheTaliban and American Special Forces. An inexperienced Air Forcetactical air controller had just calculated the coordinates of an enemyfightingpositionandwasabouttocallinanairstrikewhenthebatteriesdied inhisprecisionGPSdevice,causing itsdisplay screen togodark.Frantically, the air controller put new batteries into the GPS, thenumbersflashedbackonthescreenamomentlater,andhedirectedtheB-52flyingoverheadtodropitslethalpayloadonthesecoordinates.Theair controller was unaware, however, that after a battery replacement

his GPS automatically defaulted to display the coordinates of its ownposition. He mistakenly called in these coordinates instead of theTaliban’s position, and the upshot was the first threemembers of theAmerican military to die in the Afghanistan war were victims offratricide.*ImpressedbythestabilitytheTalibanbroughttoAfghanistanwhentheyappearedonthescenein1994,Karzaiinitiallyendorsedtheirrise to power with great enthusiasm. His support of Mullah Omarcontinued until 1999, when Taliban fanatics murdered his father, atwhich timeKarzai joined forceswith theNorthernAllianceagainst theTalibanandvowedtoavengethismurder,inkeepingwiththetenetsofPashtunwali.At the time he was wounded by the misdirected U.S. bomb on

December5,2001,KarzaiwasleadingeighthundredPashtunmilitiameninabattleagainst theTalibanoutsideofKandahar.Fightingalongsidetwenty-four American Green Berets, Karzai and his forces had beenskirmishing with the Taliban for two days when several hundred ofOmar’sfightersmountedasurpriseassault,promptingtheGreenBeretstocallintheairstrikethatkilledthethreeAmericansandalmostkilledthenewlyinstalledAfghanleader.As this incident was unfolding, bin Laden was three hundred miles

away, hiding with a large number of defiant al-Qaeda fighters in anetworkofcovered trenches,caves,andundergroundbunkers,mostofwhich had been constructed by bin Laden during the Sovietwarwithassistance from the CIA. This complex of caves occupied just a fewsquaremilesSergeantBrianProsser.AlthoughJohnnyMichaelSpannwaskilledten

days earlier, he was employed by the CIA, not the Armed Forces. ofrugged, sparsely forested terrain on the slopes of a fourteen-thousand-footmassifcalledToraBora.BelievingthatbinLadenwaswithintheirgrasp,sixCIAoperativesdirectedanintensiveairattackonToraBora’sfrigidheights,carpetbombingal-Qaedapositionswithwaveafterwaveof fifteen-thousand-pound “daisy cutters,” five-thousand-poundthermobaric “bunker busters,” and other instruments of overwhelmingdevastation.Theairassaultwasbolsteredbyoperationson thegroundconductedbyapproximatelyseventyAmericanSpecialOperationstroops(some fifty of whomwere Delta Force operators, the nonpareil of the

U.S. military), a dozen British commandos, a handful of Germancommandos, and two thousand Afghan mercenaries commanded by ahodgepodge of local warlords who, in return for multimillion-dollarpayments from the CIA, hadmomentarily put aside their hostilities toformanadhoccoalitiondubbedtheEasternAlliance.Before the heaviest bombing began, according to a tape-recorded

messagefrombinLadenbroadcastonAlJazeeratwoyearslater,hehaddirectedhisfighterstodig“onehundredtrenches,spreadacrossanareanomorethanonesquaremile—onetrenchforeverythreebrothers—soas toavoidheavyhumancasualties fromthebombing….Thebombingcontinued around the clock—not a secondwent bywithoutwarplanesflying over our heads, day and night. The American defense ministrycommandroom,withallitsallies,puteverythingtheyhadintoblowingupanddestroyingthissmallarea.Theytriedtoeradicateitaltogether.”It appeared as though the onslaught from the sky had succeeded

when, during the evening of December 11, the al-Qaeda fighterscontacted one of the Eastern Alliance commanders and begged for atruce in order, they said, to negotiate the terms of their surrender.Despite vehement objections by the Americans, the Afghans agreed tothetruceonthemorningofthetwelfth.BelievingthatbinLadenhadnointentionofcapitulating,andthatthecease-firewasmerelyagambittoallow al-Qaeda forces to regroup, early that morning twenty-fiveAmericanDelta operators and British Special Boat Service commandosattemptedtoclimbtowardbinLaden’sredoubtinordertocontinuetheirattack, when eighty Eastern Alliance fighters on the American payrollleveled their weapons at theWestern commandos and forced them toturnback.At5:00thatevening,bywhichtimenoenemyhadcomeforwardto

surrender, theAmericans declared the truce to be invalid, ignored theprotestsoftheEasternAlliance,andresumedtheirassaultonbinLaden’scaveswithevengreaterfurythanbefore.GiantorangefireballsagainflaredacrosstheslopesofToraBoraasB-

52s, F-18s, and B-1 stealth bombers released their payloads over al-Qaedapositions.Astheexplodingordnanceshooktheeartharoundhim,binLadenconcludedthathisforceswereabouttobeeradicatedandhisown death was imminent.Wounded in the left shoulder, disillusioned

and resentful, he put pen to paper and composed his last will andtestamentfromacrampedsubterraneanbunkereighty-twohundredfeetabove sea level. “If every Muslim asks himself why has our nationreached this state of humiliation and defeat,” he wrote, “then hisobviousanswer isbecause it rushedmadly for thecomfortsof lifeanddiscardedtheBookofAllahbehinditsback….TheJewsandChristianshave tempteduswith the comforts of life and its cheappleasures andinvadeduswiththeirmaterialisticvaluesbeforeinvadinguswiththeirarmies,whilewe stood likewomendoingnothingbecause the love ofdeathinthecauseofAllahhasdesertedthehearts.”Confirmationthattheal-Qaedaleaderhadgivenupandwaspreparingto die seemed to come on December 14, when the CIA intercepted aradiotransmissionfrombinLadeninwhichhethankedhis“mostloyalfighters”fortheirsacrifices,askedtheirforgivenessforlosingthebattleofToraBora,andthenpromisedthatthebattleagainsttheinfidelsandcrusaderswouldcontinueonother fronts.After theradio transmission,binLaden’sforcescontinuedtofightforthreemoredaysuntilthebattlecametoagruesomeend.Althoughscoresofenemysurrendered,thelastal-Qaeda fighters holding out on themountain killed themselves withhandgrenadesratherthancapitulate.OnDecember17,whenthebombsstopped falling, the shooting ceased, and smoke from thebattle finallydrifted fromthe flanksofToraBora,AmericanandBritishcommandosimmediately entered thewarren of tunnels and bunkers,withinwhichtheywere sure theywould find the remains of bin Laden.A thoroughsearch,however,turnedupnotraceofhim.ThetruceonDecember11–12,itbecameapparent,hadbeenarusetoallow the al-Qaeda leader to make a deal with an Eastern AlliancecommanderwhosubsequentlyhelpedbinLadenescapeforapurportedpaymentof$6million.TheCIAhadassumedthesheik’sradiomessageon the fourteenth was a final farewell to his followers issued shortlybefore dying in one of the caves. Belatedly, the Americans came tounderstandthatitwasmerelyasend-offtohisrearguardbeforehelitoutforPakistan.This revelation infuriated the CIA and Delta Force operators whoparticipatedinthebattle.EliminatingOsamabinLadenwastheprimaryobjectiveoftheentirepost-9/11campaign.InlateNovember,whenthey

realized that theyhadbinLadencornered, themanwho ran theCIA’soperations inAfghanistan,HankCrumpton,went to theOvalOffice towarn President Bush and Vice President Cheney that they didn’t havenearly enough American troops on the ground to seal off Tora Bora.According to Ron Suskind’s book The One Percent Doctrine, Crumptontold Bush and Cheney, “We’re going to lose our prey if we’re notcareful.”A week earlier, twelve hundred Marines had arrived in Kandahar.CrumptonimploredGeneralTommyFrankstoimmediatelytransfermostoftheseMarinesnorthtowherebinLadenwasdugin,butCrumpton’srequestwasignored.Asanalternative,theCIAleaderonthegroundatTora Bora requested that a more modest contingent of Rangers bedispatched to block escape routes into Pakistan, but this plan wasrejected by Major General Dell Dailey, the head of the Joint SpecialOperationsCommand.TheAmericanpresenceatToraBorawouldthusremainlimitedtotheeightyorsoSpecialOpsForcesandCIApersonnelwhowerealreadyinplacethere.ArequestbytheDeltaForcesquadroncommander toat least seedbinLaden’spotential routesof egresswithhundredsofCBU-89antipersonnelmines,droppedfromtheair,wasalsodenied.ResponsibilityforblockingtheavenuesofescapefromToraBorathusfellalmostentirelytoAfghanmilitiafightersfromtheEasternAlliance—amotleyassortmentofmutuallyhostileformermujahideencommandersandsubcommanderswhoweredeeplysuspiciousofAmericanambitionsin Afghanistan, but whose loyalty had nevertheless been expensivelyrented by the CIA. In retrospect, the decision to rely on theseuntrustworthywarlordsforsuchanutterlycrucialtaskprobablydoomedthemissionfromtheoutset.BinLadenhadclosepersonaltiesgoingbackmorethanfifteenyearsto several of the commanderswhohadbeenpaid to blockhis retreat.Instead of killing “theworld’smostwantedman,” one ormore of thewarlordswho’dtakentheCIA’scashopenedtheirarmstobinLadenandusheredhimsafelythroughthecordon—probablyfirsttoJalalabad,thennorth on horseback into the snow-choked canyons of Konar Province,and from there across the mountains into Pakistan. According to thejournalist Peter Bergen, Jalaluddin Haqqani played a key role in bin

Laden’sescape.“LutfullahMashal,of theAfghanInteriorMinistry, toldme that it was Haqqani who saved bin Laden after the fall of theTaliban,” Bergen wrote in the October 2004 issue of the Atlantic,“affording him refuge in Khost not long after the terrorist leader hadslippedoutofToraBora.”BinLadenlatergloatedabouteludingtheCIA’sclutches:

Despite the unprecedented scale of [the Tora Bora]bombardmentand the terriblepropagandaall focusingononesmall, besieged spot, as well as the hypocrites’ forces, whichtheygot to fightagainstus forover twoweeks,non-stop,andwhosedailyattacksweresistedbythewillofGodAlmighty,wepushed them back in defeat…. Despite all this, the Americanforces dared not storm our positions. What clearer evidencecouldtherebeoftheircowardice,oftheirfearandlies,ofthemyths about their alleged power? The battle culminatedwiththeresounding,devastatingfailureoftheglobalallianceofevil,with all its supposed power, to overcome a small group ofmujahideen, numbering no more than three hundred, in theirtrencheswithinonesquaremile,attemperaturesaslowastendegrees below zero Celsius. We suffered only six per centcasualties in the battle, and we ask God to accept them asmartyrs. As for those in the trenches,we lost only about twoper cent, thankGod. If all the forces of global evil could noteven achieve their objective over one square mile against asmallnumberofmujahideenwithsuchmodestcapabilities,howcouldtheyexpecttotriumphovertheentireIslamicworld?

Bythefirstdaysof2002,AmericanforcesandtheirallieshadkilledhundredsofTalibanandal-QaedafightersthroughoutAfghanistan,andmost of the rest had dispersed into the countryside or fled over theborderintothetribalregionsofPakistan.Theinsurgentswerefarfromdefeated,however,andthethreeenemyleaderswhohadbeenmarkedfor elimination at the top of a hit list assembled by the Americanmilitary brass—Osama bin Laden, Mullah Mohammed Omar, andJalaluddinHaqqani(whomOmarhadrecentlypromotedtocommanderinchiefoftheTalibanforces)—werestillemphaticallyatlarge.

Back in November, a series of air strikes by U.S. bombers, attackhelicopters, and an unmanned Predator drone armed with Hellfiremissiles had been carried out specifically to assassinate Haqqani.Although thirty-eight people were killed in this campaign, includingseveral Haqqani relatives and bodyguards, Haqqani was unscathed. InJanuaryofthenewyear,afterhelpingbinLadenescapefromToraBora,HaqqanistartedreorganizinghisnetworkoffightersfromabaseinthePakistanicityofMiramShah, justtenmilesfromthehighlypermeableborder with Afghanistan’s Khost Province, whence he would directTalibanstrikesonU.S.andNATOtargetswith impunityovertheyearsthatfollowed.

*Thosevictims,allmembersoftheArmySpecialForces,wereMasterSergeantJeffersonDavis,SergeantFirstClassDanielPetithory,andStaffAmongthosewoundedandnearlykilledbythaterrantbombwasHamidKarzai,who,atthebehestoftheUnitedStates,hadjustbeenappointedtheinterimleaderofAfghanistan.BorninKandahartoaprominentPashtunfamily,KarzaihadfoughtagainsttheSovietsinthe1980s,andhisleadershipskillsweredulynotedbytheCIA.LikeHaqqani,hebecameoneoftheCIA’smosttrustedmujahideencontacts.BytheendoftheSoviet-AfghanWar, Karzai had established close personal ties with CIA director William Casey andPresidentGeorgeHerbertWalkerBush.

PARTTWO

War is always about betrayal, betrayal of the young by the old, ofidealistsbycynicsandoftroopsbypoliticians.

—CHRISHEDGES,“ACULTUREOFATROCITY”

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

TillmanandtheCardinalsplayedtheirfinalgameoftheNFLseasoninWashington, D.C., against the Redskins, on January 6, 2002—themakeup for what was supposed to have been their first game of theseason,whichhadbeencanceled intheaftermathof9/11.AthalftimeArizonaled17–6,andbytheendofthegamePathadrecordedateam-leading eighteen tackles, but his brilliant performancewas for naught:Arizona lost, 20–17, leaving them with a disappointing 7–9 record.NobodysuspectedthatitwasthelastfootballgamePatwouldeverplay.Throughouttheautumnof2001manyNFLplayersexpressedoutrage

over the attacks onNewYork andWashington, declared their supportforthewarinAfghanistan,andmadealotofnoiseaboutwantingtokillbinLadenwiththeirbarehands.Butnoneofthemtookanymeaningfulaction. They continued playing football and leading comfortable lives,with no discernible sacrifice. This didn’t sit well with Pat. Given theenormity of what happened on 9/11, he felt he should domore thanissueemptypronouncements.Near the end of the football season Kevin Tillman had come to

PhoenixforoneofPat’shomegames,andafterward,Marierecalls,“PatstartedtalkingtoKevinaboutjoiningtheArmy.Theywerehangingoutin the backyard after the game. All the talk at that point was strictlyhypothetical.ButthatnightPatcameintobedandjustmentionedoutof nowhere, ‘What if I joined the Army?’ He said it in a sort ofnonseriousway,buttherewasapartofmethatknewhewasserious.Iunderstoodhimwellenoughtoknowwhyhewouldfeelheneededtodosomethinglikethat.Itwasn’treallyasurprise.”Intheweeksthatfollowed,saysMarie,Patcontinuedto“justrunthe

idea through his head. Then, as he got more andmore serious aboutenlisting,Pat and I startedhaving conversations about it. But itwas alongprocess.”

JeffHechtle’sparentshadafriendwho’denlistedintheMarinesandjoined one of the Force Recon units, a Special Operations detachmentroughly analogous to the Army’s Green Berets. In February 2002, PatandMariedroveup toProvo,Utah,where the ex-Marine lived, to askhimwhatbeinginthemilitarywasreallylike.OverthenextcoupleofdaysPatandtheex-Marinewentclimbingonfrozenwaterfallsthathungfrom thewalls of ProvoCanyon like ghostly blue curtains, andon thebelay ledges theydid a lot of talking. “Patwas trying to figure thingsout,”Mariesays:“‘ShouldIgoinasanenlistedman?OrshouldIgoinas an officer?’ I wasn’t really part of those conversations. But we ofcoursetalkedabout itall thewayhomeinthecar.Heneededtoworkthrougheverythinginhishead.“Itwasn’t like9/11happenedandPat immediatelysaid, ‘I’m joiningtheArmy.’He did a lot of research first.Heweighed all the pros andcons.Whatwasitgoingtobelikeforhim?Whatwasitgoingtobelikeforme?Heconsideredthingsfromeverypossibleangle.Hedidn’tevenbringKevinintoituntilhe’dalreadymadehisdecision.Firsthewantedtofigureitoutonhisown,tobesureitwastherightthing.”Pat and Marie continued to discuss the matter intently. “I wasdefinitelyconcerned,” sheexplains. “Howcould Inotbe?Butmostly Iwasconcernedforhissafety.Hewasalwaystryingtoreassuremethatnothingwasgoingtohappentohim.‘Statistically,I’mmorelikelytodieinacarwreck,’hewouldsay.”Exactly five years after the September 11 attacks, staring out awindowatthrongsofNewYorkersscurryingthroughlowerManhattan,Mariemuses, “I never explicitly asked him, ‘Why are you doing this?’Because IunderstoodPatwellenoughtoalreadyknow….If itwas therightthingforpeopletogooffandfightawar,hebelievedheshouldbepartofit.“He saw his life in a much bigger way than simply, ‘I am aprofessional football player, and if I walk away from this, my life isover.’Footballwaspartofwhohewas,butitwasn’tthebe-all/end-all.Hewaslookinginotherdirectionsevenpriorto9/11.Ialwaysknewhewouldstopplayingfootballbeforetheyhadtokickhimoffthefield.Itwas just amatter of time…. Imean, Pat could have played for years,retired,thengolfedfortherestofhislife.ButIknewhewasnevergoing

todothat.”Aftercarefullyweighingallthefactors,Patsatdownathiscomputerandtypedadocumenttitled“Decision,”datedApril8,2002:

Many decisions are made in our lifetime, most relativelyinsignificant while others life altering. Tonight’s topic … thelatter.Itmustbesaidthatmymind,forthemostpart,ismadeup.More to the point, I knowwhat decision Imustmake. Itseemsthatmoreoftenthannotweknowtherightdecisionlongbefore it’s actuallymade. Somewhere inside,we hear a voice,andintuitivelyknowtheanswertoanyproblemorsituationweencounter.Ourvoiceleadsusinthedirectionofthepersonwewish to become, but it is up to us whether or not to follow.More times than not we are pointed in a predictable,straightforward, and seemingly positive direction. However,occasionallywearedirecteddownadifferentpathentirely.Notnecessarilyabadpath,butamoredifficultone. Inmycase,apaththatmanywilldisagreewith,andmoresignificantly,onethatmaycauseagreatdealofinconveniencetothoseIlove.My life at thispoint is relatively easy. It ismybelief that Icouldcontinuetoplayfootballforthenextsevenoreightyearsandcreateaverycomfortable lifestyle fornotonlyMarieandmyself, but be afforded the luxury of helping out family andfriends should a need ever arise. The coaches and players Iwork with treat me well and the environment has becomefamiliar and pleasing. My job is challenging, enjoyable, andstrokes my vanity enough to fool me into thinking it’simportant. This all aside from the fact that I only work sixmonthsayear, the restof the time ismine.Formore reasonsthanIcaretolist,myjobisremarkable.Onapersonalnote,MarieandIaregettingmarriedamonthfrom today.Wehave friends and familywe care a great dealaboutandthetimeandmeanstoseethemregularly.Inthelastcouple ofmonthswe’vebeen skiing inTahoe, ice climbing inUtah,perusingthroughSantaFe,visitinginCalifornia,andwillbesippingMaiTais inBoraBora ina littleoveramonth.We

arebothabletopursueanyintereststhatstrikeourfancyanddowntheroad,anyvocationorcalling.Weevenhavetwocatsthatmakeourhousefeellikeahome.Inshort,wehaveagreatlifewithnothingtolookforwardtobutmoreofthesame.However, it isnotenough.Formuchofmylife I’vetriedto

follow a path I believed important. Sports embodiedmany ofthequalities I deemmeaningful: courage, toughness, strength,etc.,whileatthesametime,theattentionIreceivedreinforceditsseemingimportance.InthepursuitofathleticsIhavepickedupacollegedegree, learnedinvaluablelessons,metincrediblepeople, and made my journey much more valuable than anydestination.However,theselastfewyears,andespeciallyafterrecent events, I’ve come to appreciate just how shallow andinsignificantmy role is. I’m no longer satisfiedwith the pathI’vebeenfollowing…it’snolongerimportant.I’m not sure where this new direction will take my life

though I am positive it will include its share of sacrifice anddifficulty,mostofwhichfallingsquarelyonMarie’sshoulders.Despite this, however, I am equally positive that this newdirection will, in the end, make our lives fuller, richer, andmore meaningful. My voice is calling me in a differentdirection.Itisuptomewhetherornottolisten.

“Patdecidedthatgoingintothemilitarywaswhatheneededtodo,”Marie explains. “After hemadehis decision, he calledKevin and said,‘This iswhat I’mdoing.’Heneversaid, ‘Comewithme’—buthedidn’thaveto….IremembertalkingtoPataboutitandsaying,‘It’snotfairtoKevininsomeways.Becauseyouknowhe’sgoingtocomewithyou.’”Onhisown,Kevinhadactuallybeen toyingwith the ideaof joining

somebranchoftheSpecialOperationsForcesforyears,sincewellbefore9/11, although nothing had ever come of it. Upon graduating fromcollege in June 2001 with a bachelor’s degree in philosophy, KevinsignedacontracttoplayprofessionalbaseballfortheClevelandIndians,and inearly2002wasemployedasan infielderononeof the Indians’minor-league teams. While playing baseball in college, however, he’dsuffered a nagging rotator cuff injury from which he’d never fully

recovered, and increasingly he’d been entertaining thoughts of leavingbaseballandgoingdownadifferentroad.WhenPattoldKevinthathewas thinking about enlisting in the military, Kevin decided to enlistalongwithhim,asMariehadpredicted.“WhentheyweregrowingupinNewAlmaden,”Marieexplains,“Patand Kevinwere always together. Therewas never any competition orresentment. Even though they were so close in age, Kevin wasn’tbotheredbyalltheattentionPatgot.KevinandRichardwereeachverytalentedintheirownright,andtheirparentswerecarefulnevertosingleoutPat,butthere’snogettingaroundthefactthatPatwastheonewhowasusuallyinthelimelight—whichforalotofpeoplewouldbetoughtotake.ButnotforKevinandRichard.Allthreebrothersjustlovedeachothertodeath.”

PatandMarieannouncedto their familiesand friends that theywouldbegettingmarriedinSanJoseonMay4,2002.KevinwasthenlivinginNorthCarolina,playingsecondbase for theBurlington Indians,andheaskedhis teammanager for timeoff to attend thewedding.When themanagerrefused,citingclubpolicy,Kevinaskedtobereleasedfromhiscontract,theIndiansgrantedhisrequest,andheshowedupatPatandMarie’s home in Chandler in mid-April, free from professionalobligations.BynowbothPatandKevinwerecertaintheyweregoingtojointhemilitary, but theydecidednot to break thenews to anyoneuntil afterthewedding,soasnottodistractfromthefestivities.Theywereleaningtoward joining one of the branches of the Special Operations Forces.ShortlyafterarrivinginArizona,KevinvisitedanArmyrecruitingofficein a strip mall off Chandler Boulevard, a few miles east of Pat andMarie’s home, to gather somebasic information. Soon after this initialvisit,Kevin,Pat,andMarievisitedthesamerecruitingofficetogether.“Kevinand Ipretended thatwewereamarriedcouple,”Marie says,“and we sat down at a table across from this recruiter to ask himdetailedquestions.Patjustkindofstayedinthebackgroundwithhishatpulleddownoverhiseyes,becausehedidn’twantanyonetoknowwhohewas.”OneofthethingsPatandKevinhadbeenundecidedaboutwas

whether to becomeofficers or go in as enlistedmen—ordinary grunts.This meeting with the recruiter convinced them to forgo the officertrack. They didn’twant to remain back at headquarters sending othersoldiers into harm’sway. If theywere going to join themilitary, theywanted to be part of an elite combat force—to be in the thick of theaction,sharetheriskandhardship,andhaveadirectimpact.The recruiter explained to them that theminimum commitment for

Rangers was three years. “Before going in there,” says Marie, “theythoughttheyweregoingtohavetojoinforfouryears.WhenweheardtheycouldbeRangersandonlyhavetobeinforthreeyears,Iwaslike,‘Okay!That’smuchbetterthanfouryears.’SoIwasprettyhappyaboutthat.Iwasalsohappythatwecouldhavesomecontroloverwherewelived.IftheyhadgoneintotheregularArmy,theycouldhavestationeduswhoknowswhere.WiththeRangers,therewerethreepossibleplaceswe could have been stationed: Fort Lewis, near Seattle; or one of twobasesinGeorgia—FortBenningandFortStewart.Atthattimeyoucouldactuallypickwhereyouwantedtobe.”When they left the recruiting office after about an hour, Marie

remembers,“Iwasthinking,‘WecanlivenearSeattle!We’llbedoneinthree years instead of four!’ Also, we learned that Rangers deployoverseasforrelativelyshortperiods;they’reusuallygoneforonlythreemonthsatatime,comparedtotroops intheregularArmy,whowouldgooverseasfortwelvemonthsatatime.AndbybecomingRangers,theywould be with elite soldiers who knew what they were doing, so IassumedthatwouldmakethingssaferforPatandKevin.Icameoutofthere feeling that it didn’t sound that bad, all things considered—if Icould put out of my mind the fact that they would be in combatsituations.”Pat,Marie,andKevintraveledtoSanJoseatthebeginningofMayfor

theweddingandthenreturnedbrieflytoArizonabeforePatandMariedeparted for theirhoneymoon inBora-BoraonMay10. In the interim,PatandKevinreturnedtotheArmyrecruitingoffice,wheretheysignedcontractscommittingthemtothreeyearsofmilitaryservice,beginningin July. Because he’d been such a big football star for both the SunDevilsandtheCardinals,PatwasacelebritythroughoutArizona,andheand Kevin were recognized while they were signing documents,

prompting fears that their enlistment would be leaked to the newsmedia.Althoughtheyhadintendedtotelltheirfamilyoftheirplansinperson after Pat returned fromBora-Bora, Pat andKevin decided theyshouldnotify them right awayover thephone instead, lestRichardortheirparentslearnoftheirimpendingenlistmentfromtheeveningnews.When the Tillman brothers made these calls on May 8 and 9, the

announcementwasnotwell receivedbytheir lovedones.KnowingPatandKevinaswellas theydid,nobodydoubted thatonce theywere inthe Army, they would insist on being sent to the front lines. ThisprospectwasespeciallyupsettingtoDannieandRichard.WhilePatandMariewerehoneymooningintheSouthPacific,Uncle

Mike Spalding—Dannie’s brother—flew out to Arizona and tried toconvince Kevin that joining the Army was a terrible idea and theyshould call thewhole thingoff, but tonoavail.Marie’s parents calledPat’sagent,FrankBauer,andaskedhimtotalkPatoutofitaswell,butBauer had no more success than Uncle Mike did. So Pat and Kevin’sparents, in conjunction with Marie’s parents, decided to attempt anintervention.IttookplaceattheTillmans’cottageinNewAlmaden,soonafterthe

newlywedsreturnedfromBora-Bora.InattendancewerePat,Kevin,andthe Tillman parents; Marie and her parents; Marie’s sister, ChristineGarwood; and her husband, Alex Garwood. “It wasn’t a realintervention,” says Marie, “because Pat and Kevin knew what wascoming. But Pat believed that everybody had a right to tell himwhatthey thought, and to tryand talkhimoutof it.By thatpoint, though,there was no talking him out of it. It was a done deal. So theinterventionturnedintoadisaster.Itwasveryupsetting.”“I think Pat opened the discussion,” recalls Christine. “Hewas like,

‘Okay!Tellmewhateveryouwanttotellme!Throwitoutthere,andI’llrespondasbestIcan.Bringiton!’Itstartedoutwithorderlygive-and-take, but Dannie was very emotional. Her big concern was that theycould be hurt or killed. Pat kept insisting, ‘That’s not gonna happen.’Andthat’sexactlyhowweallfelt—thatitwasn’tevenapossibility.ButDanniewasn’tconvinced.”Pretty soon it became clear that no argument or entreatywould be

sufficient to convince Pat and Kevin to abandon their plans. So indesperationthepetitionersdirectedtheirpleastoMarie.“Theythoughtthatitwasmyjobtostopit,”shesays.“Ifeltlikealotofpeoplewerepointing fingers at me, saying, ‘You’re the only one who can doanything;whydon’tyouputyourfootdownandtellPatnottogo?’ButIdidn’tfeellikeIneededtoanswertoanyone,notevenourfamilies.Itwas between Pat and me. I understood why he was doing it, and Isupportedhim.Our conversations abouthow thisdecision cameaboutwerereallynobody’sbusiness.SoIwasalittleupsetbythat.Byallofit.“Patcaredalotaboutthepeoplearoundhim,”Mariecontinues.“Hedidn’thurtpeopleonpurpose.Itkilledhimthatithurthismomorhurtme. Thatwas very, very difficult for him to handle. But he had to dowhathethoughtwasright.”Marie andChristine’s father, PaulUgenti, tried to sway Patwith aneconomicrationale.“Obviously,mydadlovedMarieandhelovedPat,”says Christine. “And knowing theway Pat’smindworked, he tried toappealtohislogic.HepointedoutthatPatwouldbeleavingfootballatthepeakofhiscareer,andthepeakofhismarketvalueasaplayer,andmightnotbeabletoreturntotheNFL.”Patcounteredthathewouldbeaway from football for only three years, andwould probably have notrouble playing again. Mr. Ugenti then responded by reiterating howmuch money Pat was giving up—that joining the Army wouldpotentiallycosthimandMariemanymillionsofdollarsinthelongrun.TheemphasisonthefinancialdownsidepushedPat’smotherovertheedge. “Why are you talking aboutmoney?!” she exclaimed. “This isn’tabout money! Pat and Kevin could get killed!” She began to sob,imploringhertwoeldestsons,“Lifehandsoutplentyoftroublewithoutevenasking.Whydoyouwanttogooutlookingforit?”Sheremindedthemthatthecurrentcommanderinchiefofthenation’sArmedForceswasnotamanwhoinspiredtrustorconfidence.Then,asheremotionsgotthebetterofher,sheaskedeveryonetoleave.

CHAPTERNINETEEN

InApril,theCardinalshadofferedPatathree-yearcontractthatwouldpay him $3.6 million to keep playing football for Arizona. Uponreturning to Chandler after the intervention inMay, Pat informed theCardinals’headcoach,DaveMcGinnis,* thathewasdecliningtheofferin order to join the Army.McGinnis was taken aback, but he said heunderstoodPat’sreasonsforenlisting.WhenhetriedtodiscussstrategiesforannouncingPat’sdecision,andaskedhowPatwasgoing tohandlethe overwhelming interest from the newsmedia thatwould inevitablyfollow,Pat simply replied, “I’mnot.”Heexplained thathisdecision toenlistspokeforitself,andhewouldbedoingnomediainterviewsofanykind.Andfromthatdayforwardhedidnone.InearlyJune2002,PatandKevinappearedat theMilitaryEntrance

Processing Station in downtown Phoenix, across the street from thearena where the Phoenix Suns, the professional basketball team, playtheirhomegames.TheDepartmentofDefenseoperatessixty-fivesuchoffices across the nation; eachMEPS screens new recruits for all fourbranches of the miliary—Army Navy, Air Force, and Marines—todetermineiftheyarequalified.Thedaylongprocessincludesanaptitudetest, medical exam, and background check, and concludes with therecruitsswearinganoathofenlistment.ThefirstindicationthatitmightprovedifficultforPattoadapttothe

Army’s hidebound ways occurred when Pat, Kevin, and several otherrecruits lined up before an especially abrasive master sergeant whobegan shouting contradictory orders at them before they’d signed anydocumentscommittingthemtoenlist.Patfeltcompelledtopointouttothemaster sergeant, “Hey, you’re confusing everybody.Besides, you’retreating us like assholes, andwehaven’t even signed up to be treatedlikeassholesyet.”Assoonasthesergeantrecoveredfromhisshockthatarecruitwould

dare to address him in this fashion, he jumped down Pat’s throat.Unintimidated,Patyelledrightbackathim,andthetwomencameclosetoexchangingblowsbeforesomeotherrecruitsinterceded.Despitethisinauspiciousepisode,at theendof thedayPatandKevinsignedawaytheir freedom, recited the oath of enlistment, and received orders toappear at Fort Benning, Georgia, on July 8, 2002. For three yearsthereafter,theirliveswouldbeunderthenearlyabsolutecontroloftheU.S. Army. Patwas twenty-five years old, and Kevinwas twenty-four.Eachwouldbestartingatabasesalaryof$1,290permonth.AsPatandKevindepartedPhoenixontheappointedday,Patpulledajournal bound in brown leather from his backpack and begandocumentinghis impressionsof the long stint stretchingaheadofhim.The first entry,datedJuly8,begins, “Itwillbe interesting to seehowthis little adventure pans out. At the moment I care little about the‘moralstance’ thatgotthis fiascostarted….AsI taxidowntherunwayonmywaytoGeorgia,allIcanthinkaboutishowniceitwastositwithMarie, sipping hot chocolate andwatchingGosford Park last night. OrhowcomfymybigbediswithMarie’snakedbodypressedagainstme.IhopeMarieishappyathome….IhopeMa’sOK….IhopePooh’sOK….Ihope Kevin doesn’t get hurt…. I knowwhat I’m doing is right, but attimesitisverydifficulttoseeitthatway.”AfterlandinginAtlanta,theTillmansboardedabusforthetwo-hourridetotheThirtiethAdjutantGeneralReceptionStationatFortBenning,known as Thirtieth AG, where they arrived shortly after midnight onJuly 9. They would spend the next nine days “in-processing” here,bunking in a fifty-foot-by-fifty-foot concrete “bay”with110othernewrecruits in a nightmarish state of purgatory before moving on to thebonafidehellofbasictraining.BothPatandKevinwereastonished,andappalled,bytheimmaturityof many of the eighteen- and nineteen-year-olds among whom theyfound themselves at Thirtieth AG. These were not the kinds of menthey’d envisioned themselves fighting alongside and entrusting theirlives to.Tobe sure,notallof their fellowrecruitswere suspect.Somewere intelligent andmotivated, andwould go on to become excellentnoncommissioned officers of the sort who have formed the crucialbackbone of the world’s armies since Alexander the Great battled the

forebears of today’s Afghan insurgents in 330 B.C. But a disturbingnumber of the recruits in their bay struck the Tillman brothers asindolent whiners and losers who had enlisted not out of any sense ofduty, or even adventure, but rather because their parents had bootedthem out of the nest and they lacked the qualifications to land aminimum-wagejob.Twenty-fourhoursafter theTillmansarrivedatThirtiethAG,a freshrecruitnamedTúlioTourinhoshowedupinthemiddleofthenightandimmediatelycrawled intohisbunk.HewasaBraziliannationalwhosefamilycametotheUnitedStateswhenhewasfiveyearsoldinorderforhisfathertogetadoctoratedegree,andthenfiveyearslaterreturnedtoBrazil,whereTúliodreamedofonedaymakingalifeforhimselfintheStates. He eventually achieved this goal by winning a scholarship toattend his final year of high school in Uniontown, Pennsylvania, afterwhichheremainedintheUnitedStatesonastudentvisaandobtainedabachelor’sdegreefromMore-headStateUniversityineasternKentucky.OnSeptember11,2001,Túliowashappilyemployedasahigh-schoolteacher in Winchester, Kentucky. The attacks on New York andWashingtonaffectedhimsoprofoundly,however,thatattheendofthatacademic year he enlisted in the Army, even though hewasn’t a U.S.citizen.HisAmerican-bornwife,pregnantwiththeirfirstchild,“wasn’tverypleased,”Túlioadmits,“butshesupportedme.”WhenhearrivedatThirtiethAGaftermidnight,hesays,“Iwasdeadtired. I’d just received a whole bunch of shots that were making mecompletely ill. I was trying to overcome this roller-coaster ride ofemotionsthatwastearingmyinsidesout.Andallaroundmeweretheseimmaturekidswhoweretalkingandyellingandmakingsilly,obnoxiousnoisesthroughoutthenight.”Hefeltasifhewereatasleepoverwithahundredfourteen-year-oldboyswhohadattentiondeficitdisorder.Afterhetriedinvaintogetsomerest,theracketfinallybecamesointolerablethatTúlioyelledatthetopofhislungs,inavoicewellpracticedintheartofdiscipliningunrulystudents,“Shutthefuckup!Iamthirtyyearsold,Iquitmyjobtoservemycountry,leftawifepregnantwithourfirstchildathome,whomIloveandmissdearly,andIwillbegoddamnedifI’m gonna let some fucking immature juvenile punks preventme fromgetting a good night’s sleep! Now, shut the fuck up right now or I’m

goingtobeatyoubacktoyourfuckingmommies!“All of a sudden the entire bay got quiet,” Túlio remembers. And it

stayed that way for the remainder of the night, which made animpression on another older recruit who had been trying to sleepnearby.InthemorningthisguyapproachedTúlio,introducedhimselfasPatTillman,andthankedhimforbringingordertothebay.“Wewerewonderingwhensomebodywasgoingtospeakup,”Patsaid

to the Brazilian, “because these kids are just relentless. They don’t letanybodyrest.”A conversation between the twomen followed, duringwhich, Túlio

recalls,“PattoldmebrieflywhatwasgoingonandwhatIneededtodotogetintothegame.Heofferedtohelpmeout.ImmediatelyInoticedhisappearance.Hewasquitealarge-sizeman.ButitwashisvocabularyInoticedmost,andhisdemeanor,andhispoise.”ItwasthestartofanenduringfriendshipamongTúlio,Pat,andKevin.“IhadnoideawhoPatwasatthetime,”Túliosays.“Neitherhenor

Kevinevermentionedthathewasaprofessionalfootballplayer.Ifoundout later from the chatter that he was famous. We ended up goingthroughallofbasictrainingtogether,andIdependedonPatandKevinfor intelligent conversation. I guess they did the same with me. Wecountedoneachotherforsupport.Wehadcollegedegrees,whichsetusapartfromalmostalltheotherrecruitsinourcycle.AndPatandIwerebothmarried.Wejusthititoff.”SixdaysaftertheTillmansarrivedatThirtiethAG,somehigh-ranking

officers showed up at their bay for an inspection, and Pat wrote thatencounteringthemwas“awkward.Gettingusedtotheideaofsalutingtoofficersconstantly…isodd.OfcourseIunderstandandappreciatethepointof showing respect to superiorsbut thecaste separationbetweenofficers and enlisted men is foreign.” This, alas, was only the first ofmanyaspectsofmilitaryculturethatstruckPatasarchaic,bizarre,andcounterproductive.OnJuly17,Pathappilynotedinhisjournal:

We are leaving this place tomorrow and going down to startbootcamp…. It’s about time…. I’ve written a few letters to

Marie…. Imisshermoreandmoreandhopeshe iswell.OnethingthatIfoundhorribleincollegewasthatIgotusedtohernot being around. I never againwant to get used to that. It’smuchbettertobesadthancalloused.Ilookforwardtothetimewhenbothofushavethelifestyleweusedtoenjoy….Notonlywill these next 3 years makeme a stronger person, mentallyand physically, I know it will also free up my conscience toenjoywhatIhave.MyhopeisthatIwillfeelsatisfiedwithmyaccomplishment…enoughtorelaxforawhileandjustbe.Be,withMarie.

Three days later Pat wrote, “Well, we are now in Basic and I’mstarting to get more comfortable. Yesterday was a complete disaster.”Thingsstartedtogobadlywhenheforgottolockhislocker,promptingoneof thedrill sergeants tohurl its contents across the floor.And “toaddinsult,”Patmused,“ifthatwasn’tenough,Iwaswrittenupforit.Ifucked upmy cadence calls, lost shit, got yelled and screamed at…. Iwasamess.Ohwell, justkeepworkingandwe’ll seewhathappens….OurdrillsergeantsaretoughbutqualitypeopleandIbelievetheywillteachusalot.Stillmissingmylove.”A day after this—thirteen days after arriving at Fort Benning—Patwrote:

Asalways,Marie isonmymind. Ihavebeenunable to speakwithher…sincewe’vebeenhere,andImissthesoundofhervoice…. Often it bothers me that I am not by her side.Sometimes I feel like I’ve leftherallbyher lonesome to fendagainst the world. I suppose there is a reason formy feelingthatway:Myactionscouldbeinterpretedassuch.Ijusthopetohellshedoesn’tfeelthatway.Ilovehertodeathandknowthateventuallythiswillbegoodforusboth.Hopefully,shewillonedayseeitthatway.InthemeantimeIstrugglewiththeguiltofwhatI’vedone.NaturallyI’maconfidentpersonandknowallwill be well and in a few years we’ll be right back in thedriver’s seatkicking life’sass.But I’malsoaware that there isthepossibility I’mwrong. IfMarie’s,Ma’s,Kevin’sandPooh’s,andDad’s lifewassomehowhurtonaccountofme,Icouldn’t

forgivemyself.

IconsolemyselfintheknowledgethatIdidthiswithnobleintention.Sometimes onemust purposefully convince himself that he is right asdoubtcreepsin.FortunatelythedoubtisasmallvoiceandIcancontrolit.Mywifeandfamilymeantheworldtome,asdomyfriends;Icannot

allowthistobringpaintothem.

Pat’sentryforJuly25begins:

Yesterdaywasacombinationofbittersweetforme.ThebittertastecamefromthefactthatNub&Ididawfulinourlandnavigation….Thesweetofthedaywasthefactwewentontwolongmarcheswithourstuffon.Itwasnicetomoveonoutofhereforawhileandmeanderabout.Itwillprobably takemeawhile togetused to luggingaroundasackalldaybutIonlyhavetolookaroundmetostopfeelingsorryformyself….OnethingI findmyselfdespisingisthesightofall thesegunsinthe

hands of children. Of course we all understand the necessity ofdefense….Itdoesn’tdismissthefactthatayoungmanIwouldnottrustwithmycanteeniswalkingaboutarmed….Mymoodsatthispoint,withtheexceptionoftheconstantloneliness

& guilt associatedwithmy separation fromMarie, vary depending onhowI’mdoingatmytasks.Blowthelandnavigation,feelbadforafewhours;dosomethingtohelpsomeoneorgetmymarchingcallscorrectly,feelgoodforafewhours….Onthewhole,inspiteofanyworriesorfluctuatingmoods,NubandI

arestandingfastandmovingrightalong.HowimportantithasbeentohaveNubaroundhasbeencoveredbutmustbereiterated.When Pat left home for theArmy, he carriedwith him a laminated

photograph of Marie taken on their wedding day. Unabashedlysentimental,hewrotethatthis“pictureofMarie,outsideofmyring,ismy most prized possession. It’s amazing how beautiful she is in herwedding dress….What a fantastic day that was.” Gazing at the little

photo in the barracks, he contemplated his marriage and other majormilestones. “It is amazing the turns one’s life can take,” he reflected,then listed a few: Spending time in jail for assaultingDarin Rosas, hewrote,“washuge,drasticallychangingmymindsetandpriorities.ThatexperienceagedmeabouttenyearsandIcredit it formysuccesswithacademicsandfootballincollege.”On the next page of his journal he pondered what impact his

enlistmentwouldhaveonhislife.Havingcompletedjust3weeksofhismilitarycommitment,with153weeksremaining,hewrote:

Everythingaboutmy lifehascompletely shifted.Everything. Iplannedonhaving kids, continuingmy football, and enjoyinglife as always. Now I’m sitting in a fucking barrackswith 53kids.Thispathneedstohurryitselfupandbrighten….Idomybest to control it, but sometimes I get so incredibly frustratedaroundheremyfuckingjawmuscleswanttocollapsemyteethon themselves. Today Marie’s letters came and I needed sobadlytobewithher,holdher,makelovetoher….Icanseeherwriting.Picturehernexttothecats,searchingforthewordstoputonpaper. I flattermyselfand imaginea tearrollingdownhercheek,hergianteyesglowingandfulloffeeling….Howthehell I have been able to keep her after all these years is agoddamnmiracle.Whydoessheputupwithit?Whodoesthis?Who takes a perfectly perfect life and ruins it? A perfectlyhappywifeandmarriageandjeopardizesit?AHHH!IfIdonotstranglesomeonewhileI’mhereIwastouchedbyanangel.

Adaylater,onJuly29,hewasabletospeakwithMarieonthephoneforthefirsttimeinmorethantwoweeks.“Itwasn’tforlong,”hewrote,“buthownice itwas…. Iwasamess.Just like in theclink: finewhenI’mtherebutgivemeapersonIloveandIcanhardlypullthelumpoutofmythroat.ShehadtotalkthewholedamntimewhileIgotaholdofmyself….Hervoicewassosoothing, I’llbeable tosurviveoff that forweekstocome.”For thenext twomonthsof basic training,Pat struggled tokeephis

emotionsonanevenkeel.Hiscelebritydidn’tmakethingsanyeasierfor

him. Although he’d declined all of the numerous requests for mediainterviewsandtriedtokeepalowprofile,hisfamefollowedhimtobootcamp. Evenwithout Pat’s cooperation, the Bush administration turnedhisenlistmentintoamarketingbonanzafortheso-calledGlobalWaronTerror.OnJune25,SecretaryofDefenseDonaldRumsfeldsentamemotoSecretaryoftheArmy(andformerEnronexecutive)TomWhite,withanewspaperarticleaboutTillmanattached;thememosaid,“HereisanarticleonafellowwhoisapparentlyjoiningtheRangers.Hesoundslikeheisworld-class.Wemightwanttokeepaneyeonhim.”*OnJune28,RumsfeldwroteapersonalnotedirectlytoPatdeclaring,“Itisaproudand patriotic thing you are doing.” A month later, Pat received aflattering letter fromMajorGeneralJohnVines, thecommanderof theArmy’sEighty-secondAirborneDivision,urgingKevinandhimtoforgotheir plans to become Rangers and join the Eighty-second Airborneinstead. The Army, the Department of Defense, and the White HousewerepayingcloseattentiontoeverythingPatdid.“It definitely made things more difficult for him,” recalls TúlioTourinho:

Thedrillsergeantsbentoverbackwardsnottoshowfavoritismtowardhim.Throughitall,Patjusttriedtobethebestsoldierhecould.Wheneverhewastoldtodosomething,heexecutedit.Whentherewasajobtobedone,healwaysdidmorethanhisshare….Ifthereisonethingcertainaboutstress,andaboutdespair,it’sthatitwillinevitablyshowwhoyoureallyare.AndtheamazingthingaboutPatisthatthedespairandstressneverrevealedanythinguglyabouthim.Thatastoundedme,becausewhen things got hard and the kids were being utterlydisrespectful, I would become an ugly individual at times. Iwould lose itandtell themtheywerebeingspoiledbrats.ButPatwasrestrained.Hehadfortitude.

Pat’s enlistment made waves throughout the Army, from four-stargenerals at the Pentagon to buck privates at boot camp. “Officers andothersoldiersdidn’treallyknowhowtoreactorwhattodowithhim,”saysMarie.

Theyweren’tquite surewhohewas—theywere like,“Why ishehere?He’snot sogreat justbecauseheplayedprofessionalfootball.”Patanticipatedthatreactiontoacertainextent.Butitwasdefinitelyhardforhim.Ithinkitwasmaybealittleeasierfor Kevin because he wasn’t so much under the magnifyingglass. Pat felt more pressure. He was being looked at moreclosely. And he was feeling responsible for how everythingmightaffectalltherestofus.Hisparentsareworried.Richardisworried.He’sworriedaboutme.He’swondering,“DidIruinMarie’slifeandKevin’slifebydoingthis?”Withhisfamily,healways assumed that typeof responsibility, for as longas I’veknownhim.

Pathadbeen introspective sincechildhood,but theArmy seemed tomake him even more so. “What kind of man will I become?” hewonderedinhisjournalonAugust7.“Willpeopleseemeasanhonestman, hardworkingman, familyman, a goodman? Can I become themanIenvision?Isvisionandfollow-throughenough?Howimportantistalent&blind luck?…Thereareno trueanswers, just shadesofgrey,coincidence,andcircumstance.”

*McGinnishadsucceededVinceTobinasheadcoachafterTobinwasfiredinthemiddleofthe2000NFLseason.

* According to Rumsfeld’s senior military assistant at the time, Lieutenant General BantzCraddock, this was the only time he could remember Rumsfeld ever writing a personal notecommendingtheenlistmentofanindividualsoldier.

CHAPTERTWENTY

DuringthefirstweekofSeptember,Pat,Kevin,andtheirfellowrecruitsweretaughthowtoshootseveraltypesofmachinegun.“Ofcoursethisisfun,”PatnotedonSeptember5,“butIdonotgettoofiredupaboutgunsnomatterwhattheyare.”ThefirstweapontheyshotwastheM249SquadAutomaticWeapon,commonlyreferredtoastheSAW,whichPatwouldlaterbeassignedtocarryinIraqandAfghanistan.JustbeforeitwasKevin’sturntofireit,arecruitopenedtheweapon’sfeedtraywhilearoundwasstillinthechamber,inadvertentlyreleasedthebolt,andthecartridge exploded. The blast peppered his face, neck, and chest withbrassshrapnel,andburnedhimbadly.Hecouldeasilyhavebeenkilled.Chastened by the accident, Pat observed, “You forget, or don’t thinkabout,justhowincrediblydangeroustheseweaponsareuntilsomethinglikethistakesplace.”Adaylater theplatoonwent intothefield foranovernightbivouac,

during which they engaged in simulated combat with laser-tag gear.AfterPatwasselectedtobeoneoftheteamleadersfortheseexercises,his teamof fivewasambushedby two snipers ashe led themdownahill.Duringthemockfirefight,hewrote,“Wewerecoordinatedandthecommunicationwasclear,”enablinghisteamtorepeltheattackersandsurvive the faux ambush. During a second exercise, however,communicationbetweenmembersofhisteambrokedown,theyactedaspanickedindividualsratherthanasaunifiedteam,andintheresultingchaos all the men under his command were “killed” by the snipers.Sobered,Patremarkedthatitwasa“greatlearningexperience.”The worst part of the day, however, had nothing to do with the

simulatedmassacreduringtheambush.Thateveningafterreturningtothe barracks, he confessed to his diary, “Sometimes I’m overwhelmedwithaninjectionofintensesorrowthatisdifficulttocontrol.Anintenseneed to be close to Marie, surrounded by her touch, smell, sound,beauty,andease.It’sasthoughoneweekofpainiscondensedinto5–7

minutes….WhathaveIdone?”AdaylaterPatrevisitedhisroilingfeelings:

Justwhen I thinkmyemotionshave flat-lined they rear theirugly head. Yesterday, from out of nowhere, I got so fuckingmad/upset/sadthatIwashavingtroublemaintainingmycool.Itonlylastedashortwhilebutitwasstrongandsurprisedme.All Iwantedwas to squeezeMarie, tellherhowmuch I care,giveherbackallthatI’vetaken….Inawayit isrefreshinginthat this place has yet to callous or numb me. Somehow Ienjoyed letting myself long for my wife and the life I leftbehind. Itmakesme feel andappreciate and love. Itmakesmefeelveryalive,andawareofmystruggle.Idonotintendtogetdramatic, but life is about feeling and emotion…. Love,laughter,and joy,aswellaspain, longingandsorrow,areallpartoftheride.Withoutthelatteryoucannottrulyappreciatethe former, cannot come to understand just how much youtruly care…. I’m experiencing and growing, and with thiscomessomesuffering,butit’spartofthedeal.IfeelI’mheadedintherightdirection….Passioniswhatmakeslifeinteresting,whatignitesoursoul,drivesourcuriosity, fuelsourloveandcarriesourfriendships,stimulatesourintellect,andpushesourlimits….Apassionforlifeiscontagiousanduplifting.Passioncutsbothways….Thosethatmakeyoufeelontopoftheworldareequallyabletoturnitupsidedown….InmylifeIwanttocreatepassioninmyownlife andwith those I care for. Iwant to feel, experience, andliveeveryemotion.Iwillsufferthroughthebadfortheheightsofthegood.

OnSeptember11,PatwrotealettertoMariethatbegan,“WhowouldhaveguessedthatayearagotodaywoulddosuchanumberonourlifeinEden….Well,youtakelifeasitcomes.Thisseparationcrazinesswillendsoonenough,andwhen itdoeswewillonceagainbeback inourEden.” As agonizing as it was for him to be apart from Marie, it

remindedhimhowintenselyhelovedher,andhowmuchsheenrichedhislife.“Theselastfewweeks,”hecontinued,

havegivenmesuchanappreciationforeverythingwehaveinourlifethatwereItogethurttomorrowandallmyplansweredashed, it would all have been worth it…. These next fewweeksandmostofthenextthreeyearswewillbepushedandtriedasacouple justashardasNub& Iwillbe individually.When we come out of this intact, spirits unbroken, we’ll bestronger, closer, and happier than we could ever have beenotherwise. Anything else will seem trivial to what we’veweathered.I’m already pleased at the strides we’ve made despite ourdistance.Evenafterallthat’stakenplaceandthemilesbetweenus,Istillfeelasclose,ifnotcloser,thanwe’veeverbeen.Thetighterweget,themoreincredibleapersonIsee,andthemoreproudIamtoknowI’llbesharingtherestofmylifewithyou.Of course I do not expect these feelings to be reciprocated,especiallynotwhileI’veleftyouallalone;fornowit’senoughthatIfeelit.A year ago completely changed our life. It taughtmewhattrulymatters….ItclarifiedthedirectionIneedtoheadanditreinforcedthatyou’rethebestthingthathashappened,oreverwillhappen,tome….Iloveyou.

On Friday, September 20, Pat and Kevin completed basic training.WhentheylearnedthattheTillmanbrotherswouldbegettingathirty-hourpasstomarktheirgraduation,MarieandJeffHechtle,Pat’shigh-school amigo, booked a flight to Georgia in order to spend the briefholidaywiththem.“Inthedaysleadinguptoiteverybodywaswalkingon eggshells,” Túlio remembers. “The Army hung the idea of themidcyclepassoverourheadslikeaguillotine.Ifyoudoanythingwrong,somuchasbreatheincorrectlyorstandwithanimproperposture,theythreatentotakeitawayfromyou.”At1:00p.m.onSaturday,whenthepasswasduetocommence,Pat,

Kevin, and Túlio gathered with the rest of the recruits in the mainassemblyareaforinspection,attiredintheirnewClass-Adressuniformsandspit-shinedboots.Becausetheywouldberequiredtoreportbackatthe base at 7:00 p.m. on Sunday, theywere desperate not towaste asingleminuteof freedom. “Wehadaplanof actionhow toget outofthereasquicklyaspossible,”saysTúlio.“Assoonasweweredismissed,Kevinranupstairstograbourstuff,andIrantoaphoneboothtocallacab for the threeofus.”Kevin,Pat,andMariehadbookedroomsataDays Innnear the gate to the base, andTúlio had reserved a room tomeethiswifeatamotelrightacrossthestreet.WhenthecabpulleduptotheDaysInn,Mariewasstandinginfront

of the motel waiting for them. “As soon as the cab stops,” Túlioremembers, “Pat leapsout thedoor.Marie runsupand jumpsonhim,knockinghimoffbalance,andtheybothfalltotheground.Theyjustlaythere, kissing each other and staring at each other—him caressing herface,caressingherhair,tellingherhowmuchhemissedher,howmuchhelovesher.Theystayedthereonthegroundlikethatforwhatseemedlike tenminutes, although I’m sure it couldn’t have been that long. Itwasanamazingmoment.Ademonstrationofabsolute love. Itaffectedmeverystrongly.”Shortly after returning to his barracks after the visit was over, Pat

wrote,

What a glorious weekend…. What an absolutely gloriousweekend.Allthebuild-upandexpectation,alltheyearningandplanning, for a mere 30 hours. For just one night offreedom…SeeingMarieandspendingtimewiththewomanIlove was incredible. We said things we longed to say formonths,heldoneanotherthewaywe’velongedtoformonths,and enjoyed the company we’ve been missing for so long….The hours the four of us spent were not in a whirlwind ofaction,drinking,ortraveling.Wesimplydrankloadsofcoffee,atenumerouscoffeehouse treats,hadamarvelousdinner,andtalkedforhoursonend.Threehoursatonecoffeeshop,threeatanother,threeinthehotelorcar—allwedidwasyak&yak& yak. Every subject was fair game: home, Arizona, Pooh,

friends, future, business, our present situations, etc., etc., etc.Wejustranforhourswithoutabreak,oradipinitsquality….The fact that Hechtle took the time and expense to come

out … Acts like that are never forgotten and sure to bereciprocated.He isanamazing friendandmywhole family isfortunatetohavehiminourlife.Whatagesture….

Jeff Hechtle’s willingness to fly all theway across the country just tospendafewhourswithhimwasespeciallymeaningfultoPatbecausehefelt like some of his most valuable friendships had suffered since hisenlistment,andheconfidedinhis journalat lengthaboutthissenseofabandonment.Inoneentryhewrote,“BecauseofthelengthsI’vegoneto,andtheimportanceonwhichIplacemyrelationships,I’msomewhatputoffbythelackof lettersfrommyfriendsathome….NoquestionIamoverly sensitive,but… It’s funny, these last6–7years I’venoticedsomeofmyclosefriendsputtinggovernorsonourrelationship.InmostcasesitisIwhocalls,Iwhosetsupdinner,Iwhomakestheeffort.Whythisisthecaseisnotexactlyclear….Icareaboutmyfriendsopenlyandunselfishly and—though realizing I sound like awoman—ambotheredbytheirapparentlackofinterest.”“Ithinkmostofhisfriendsdidn’tnecessarilyunderstandhowdifficulttheArmywas forhimandKevin,”Mariesays.“While theyweregoingthroughall thiscrapatbootcamp, itseemedtoPatthateveryoneelsewasjustgoingabouttheirlives,andhadkindofforgottenaboutthem.That’s why when Hechtle flew out to Georgia, Pat appreciated it somuch.”Pat,ofcourse,appreciatedMarie’svisitevenmore.Shewashiscrucialsourceofemotionalcomfort—acalm,steadyforcethatanchoredhislifeand brought him tremendous joy. “It was so nice to see Marie,” Patwrote,“soincrediblynice….Simplyput,thevisitallowedmetoexpresstoMariethosethingsthathavebeenburninginmygut.I’msureshestillhatesmeforeverything,butatleastshewillknowhowherhateholdsnothingtomyownself-loathing.Thiscomesacrossasdown,butIassureyou the visit was nothing but positive. Around here one is allowed alittleself-loathing.”By7:00onSundayeveningPatandKevinhadsaidtheirgood-byesto

MarieandHechtle,andwerebackintheirbarracks.WhenPatsatdowntowriteinhisjournaltwenty-fourhourslater,hewasstillsoaringfromthevisit.“It’sfunnyhowquicklythingscanbeputintoperspective,”hereflected.“AfewhourswithMarie&Hechtle,coffee&muffins,andofcourse Nub has reminded me just how petty all the annoyances andfrustrations that I experience are. As we sat around discussing ourtribulationswe,andourvisitors,couldnothelpbut laughatourselvesforever lettinganyofthisplaceunderourskin.Onceagain(andwe’llseeforhowlong)Ifeelcenteredandfocusedonwhat’simportant.”Asithappened,itdidn’ttakelongforPat’sreveriestobebroughttoa

screeching halt by the routine insults of Army life. Although he andKevinhadcompletedbasic training, theyremainedinGeorgiatobeginfiveweeksofwhattheArmycallsadvancedindividualtraining,orAIT,whichisscarcelydistinguishablefrombasic.OnSeptember24,justtwodays after Marie’s departure, Pat wrote, “My mind is everywhere buthere: Marie, home, future, past, Pooh, Ma, friends, etc.—but not FortBenning; left, right, left, right; or ‘Front lean & rest position! Move!’Especially now that we will spend the next two and a half weeksrehashingold stuff,my interestwill fall further.Wearebored to tearsandfedupwiththisplace.Weneedtomoveon.”Laterthatweek,withevenlesscheer,hewrote,“Youknowwhatwe

didtoday?Wefuckingsatinourplatoonareaallday.Forfourhourswecleaned weapons, for another three or so we sat with our rucksackstaking inventory and collecting our linens. Itmayhave been themostunproductivedayofmylife.Thisplaceisfuckingtired….Forwhateverreason,I’mhesitanttowritetoonegativelyabouthowIfeelorwhatI’mgoingthrough.Ifeelobligatedtotakethehighroadinmyjournal.Ifeelthat I shouldexpressmyconsummatebelief thatultimatelypeoplearegoodandallwillbewell,yetthisisnothowIalwaysfeel.”Referringtohisbarracksas“thishouseofgnats,”Patvented,

Often I am so disgustedwith the people I’m surroundedwiththatmyheartfillswithhate.I’vebeenexposedtoanelementofpeoplethatcanbeworsethananyI’veencountered, includinginJuvenileHall.They’reresentful,ungrateful, lazy,weak,andunvirtuous,asoftenasnot.Theybicker,complain,lie,telltall

tales,mope,andgrumbleincessantly….Perhaps I keep this out of my journal because I’m

disappointed in myself. When Nub and I embarked on thisjourney I justkindofassumed thesekidswould fall in line….ManytimesIstruggletomaintainmycoolthroughtheirchaos.Kevin and I are forced to yell and swear as opposed torecommendandsuggest….PerhapsI’mnotasgoodaleaderasIthink.Ultimately I believe in a general goodwill, and I’ve not

becomebitter,however I’venotmaintainedashigha roadasI’dhoped. Isupposewhenyouwrestlewithpigs,you’regoingtogetdirty….Icontinuetolearn.

AsMarieelucidates,“ThethingaboutPatthatwassogreatwasthathe was an idealist who believed in the good in humanity. He alwayswantedtoseethegoodinpeople.Unfortunately,that’snotthecaseallthe time, and it was upsetting for him when he was confronted withthat.Hetreatedpeopleinacertainmannerandexpectedtobetreatedinkind,but in theArmy itdidn’talwayswork thatway.Hewas twenty-five,andamuchmoremature twenty-five thanother twenty-five-year-olds. Most of the other guys were eighteen-year-old kids who wereimmatureforeighteen.Hehadahardtimewiththat.”OnSeptember29,lookingforwardtothenextphaseoftheirtraining

—airborneschool,duetobeginattheendofOctober,whichwouldputtheminthecompanyofmoreelitesoldiers,andwouldteachthemhowtoparachuteoutofairplanes—Patwrote, “All I can thinkof is gettingthe hell out of here. Away frommediocrity, ineptitude, whining, andboredom.MyhopeisthatAirbornewillexposeustoamoremotivatedgroupofpeopleandgiveNubandmethefreedomtobeourselves.”Thenextdaytheircompanypracticed“groundfighting”—avarietyof

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, recently adopted by the Army, that emphasizessubmissiontechniquessuchasjointlocksandchokeholds.Neartheendofthesession,recruitswereallowedtochallengeanyonetofightinfrontof the entire 110-man company. A swaggering young recruitwho hadbeenahigh-schoolwrestling champion stoodup, gloweredatPat, andannounced,“IwantTillman!”

Kevin, according to Pat’s journal, was “disgustedwith the fact theyevenallowedustofighttheseyahoos,”andjumpedtohisfeettoaccepttheguy’schallengesoPatwouldn’thaveto.Whereupon“thisjokeofakid”hadthe temerity to insultKevinbysaying,“ ‘Notyou,yourolderbrother.’Kevinsimplyembarrassedthekid.Hestaredhimdown,calledhimout,tossedhisassaround,chokedhimoutrepeatedly.*…Afterthefirstchoketheguyrealizedhehadmadeamistakeandwascompletelyintimidated—he could not even look at Kevin.” Kevin fought threematcheswith the recruit inquicksuccession,effortlesslydefeatinghimoneachoccasioninfrontofthedrillsergeantsandalltheotherrecruits.“Thisyoungmanwastryingtomakeanameforhimselfanduseusasavehicleforit,”Patnoted.“I’mveryproudandhonoredatthewayKevinjumpedtodefendwhathebelievedwasaninsult.Hecarriedhimselflikeamanandspokewithactionnotwords.”Theycompleted the final trialofbootcamponOctober17,a seven-day ordeal known as the field training exercise, or FTX. “Ahh,” Patwrote,“tobebackfromourweekofrain,muck,&marching….WereitnotforthedrizzleIdoubtverymuchtheexperiencewouldhavebeenadifficult one. However, that curveball was no joke. Normaltasks … become a bitch and marches that are otherwise simple turnrough….Wesleptoutsideinthecoldwithnothingbutourclothesandaponcho.AllIcoulddotokeepwarmwasspoonwitholdNub.”Athirty-two-milemarchcarryingheavyrucksacks,Patconfessed inhis journal,“broke our asses off. Feet still fucking killing me … Despite what Iexpected from this basic training, Nub and I were pushed a little. Nokidding,itwasnotaneasydeal….Tougherthanexpectedattheend,aworthy task. Solid way to finish up… These kids have reason to beproud. Theyweathered the storm…. I’ll give it to this place, it was agoodfinale,nowgetmethefuckout.”OnOctober21, theFortBenningPublicAffairsOffice leanedonPatandKevintodoamediainterview.Althoughtheymetwiththeofficersenttotalkthemintoit,Patwrote,heandKevinsimplyrepeated“whatwe’vesaidfromthebeginning:‘We’renottalking.’Anyhow,themeetingwasuneventful,butourfreetimeafterwardswaspriceless.”Foranhourand a half following the meeting the Tillman brothers sat aroundchatting with each other, drinking coffee, and listening to National

PublicRadio,whichledoffthatafternoonwithareportaboutPresidentBush’seffortstoinveigletheUNSecurityCounciltoauthorizetheuseofforceinIraq.Whenadrillsergeantcamearoundtoescortthembacktothe barracks and found his famous recruits “assed out” listening toliberalcommentaryonNPR,helaughedatthembutletitslide.A“TurningBlue”ceremony—whereintherecruitswouldreceivelightbluecordstowearontheirClass-Adressuniforms,designatingthemasinfantrymen—was scheduled forOctober 25.Marie, Richard, and bothTillman parents would be flying to Georgia to attend. Pat was veryexcitedaboutseeingeveryone.“I’mtiredofoursurroundings,”hewrote,

and need the positive chi of those I love to recharge mybatteries…. It’s been almost a month since I’ve spoken withMarie. If she hasn’t run offwith anyone, she surely hatesmyguts.OnceagainthosestrongfeelingsofguiltandpainforallI’m putting her through surface. My hope is that during theweekendshevisits,IcanpulloffsomemiracleandexpressjusthowmuchImissherandgivehersomethingtosustainanothersixweeksofourseparation.Thepoorgirlissuchasuperhero—actuallyatthispointaGreektragedyheroine. IneedtohurryandputanAmerican(happy)endingtothisstory….I cannot speak for Kevin, but I feel no sense of

accomplishment from finishing this place. I’ve learned noultimate lessons and improved my character in no way. Theonlypositivethingsthisplacehaspresentedareacastofsolidcharacters, namely our drill sergeants, Túlio Tourinho, and afew others…. It will probably take a while for me to getperspective on everything that’s happened and, who knows,maybeeventually I’ll feel itwas apositive.Rightnow, itwasnot.KevinandIhavegainedonlyapessimisticviewofhumannature.Allouraltruisticgoalscomingintothisplacehavebeenignoredandtrampledon.Fortunatelywebelievethatthisawfulenvironmentwillnotfollowus.Aswemovealongweexpecttomeet more people who are here [to accomplish] good, asopposed to, “because they have to be here.”… I am not anegativeman,Idonotwanttoreportbad,Iwanttoriseabove

andbringeveryonealongwithme.However,thisplacefuckingblows…period.

* In Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, “choking someone out” is a common, safe, and officially sanctionedmaneuver,theequivalentofpinninganopponentduringawrestlingmatch.

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

AirborneschoolandtheRangerIndoctrinationProgramturnedouttobeboth instructive and demanding, and Pat’s outlook brightenedconsiderablyduringthesixweeksittookforhimandKevintocompletethetwocourses.Learningtojumpoutofairplaneswasthrilling,andRIPinvolved enough suffering to hold Pat’s attention. The latter has anotoriously challenging curriculum designed to impart tactical skillsRangers need for Special Operations warfare, while simultaneouslypushingrecruitspasttheirphysicalandmentallimitsinordertoculltheweak and insufficiently motivated. Upon graduating from RIP shortlybeforeChristmas,PatandKevinreceivedthetanberetstheArmyawardstotheeliteforcesoftheSeventy-fifthRangerRegiment,afterwhichtheywereassignedtoaunitcalledthe“BlackSheep”:SecondPlatoon,AlphaCompany,SecondRangerBattalion,basedatFortLewis,Washington.Russell Baer was a twenty-two-year-old private when the Tillmans

arrived at Fort Lewis. “There had been a lot of buzz about themcoming,”Baersays.

All the tabs—the veteran Rangers—were talking smack abouthowtheyweregonnasmoketheNFLdude.ThefirsttimeIlaideyes on Pat and Kevin they were standing with their duffelsnext to the other new guys,whowere nervous and sweating.Pat andKevindidn’t look scared at all. They acted confident,like theyhaddone this every day of their lives…. I imaginedtheywouldbeegotisticaljocks.Butduringthosefirstdays,asIwatchedtheminteractingwiththeothernoogs,*IknewIwouldgetalongwiththem.Patdidn’tgoaroundbeatinghischest.Hewould talk to these goofy, scrawny-looking privates and treatthemasequals.

The Seventy-fifth Ranger Regiment is the Army’s premier infantry

unit. As with the Army’s Green Berets and Delta Forces, Navy SEALteams, Air Force Special Operations Wings, and Marine SpecialOperationsBattalions,theRangerRegimentfunctionsundertheauspicesoftheU.S.SpecialOperationsCommand.Rangersconsiderthemselvestobesuperiorwarriors,membersofaloftytribethathaslittleincommonwith the “regular Army”; derogatorily, they refer to soldiers from theregularArmy as “Legs.” To set itself apart fromotherArmyunits, theRangerRegimentmaintainsuniquecustomsandmercilessrituals.WhennewlymintedRangersarriveatSecondBattalionfreshoutofRIP,itisderigueurfortheoldhandstoputthenoogsthroughthegrinder,lesttheyfail to appreciate their place in the pecking order. The Ranger whoassumed primary responsibility for edifying Pat in this regard was acorporalfromMountainHome,Arkansas,nameofJasonParsons.“WeheardthatthisTillmanguywascomingin,”Parsonsrecalls.

Iwas like, “Ohboy, that’s justwhatwe need, a prima-donnafootballstar….”Iwasalittlepessimisticaboutit….Ifiguredhewasgonnabeahugeproblem.Sowhenhegetsthere,Igouptowhere he was standing at parade rest with his brother. Firstthing I noticed was “That dude has a thick neck.” I wasexpectingalittlebitbiggerguy.Buthestillhadaprettythickneck.LookingathimIthought,“Yeah,he’sstrong.”AndthenIdidwhatanygoodNCOwoulddo: Imessedwithhima littlebit.*Notfull-onsmokinghim,justmessingwithhimalittlebit.Itooktheopportunitytogivehimsomeshit,justtokindofseehowhewouldreact.Yougetalotoffeedbackinthefirstthirtyminutes of someonebeing there:what their character is, howthey relate to people, how they think about themselves. Ithoughthecameacrossasarrogant.Alittlebitofcockinessisagood thing inaRanger,definitely, ifyoucanback itup.Andfootballplayersareusedtoworkingtheirassesoff,soIfiguredhehadaworkethic.At first Pat conducted himself very well. He had beendisciplined.Iwashappyaboutthat.ButthenInoticedhewasbeingtreateddifferentlyfromtherestoftherecruitsbyoneoftheotherNCOs.

The sergeant in question, according to Parsons, “was doing thewhole‘You want to be my buddy?’ thing. In Ranger Regiment, NCOs aren’tsupposed tobebuddy-buddywith thenewguys.That’snot theway itworks.Youdon’ttreatthemasequals.Youneedtoletthenoogsknowthattheyareinasubordinateposition,togetthingsrollingintherightdirection.“Sostartingoff,meandTillmanhadalotoffriction.Iwasprobablythefirstguywholethimknowhewasn’tspecial….Throughouthislifehewasusedtobeingtheguyincharge,butinmylifeIwasalsousedtobeingincharge,andIhadtherank,sothat’sthewayitwent.Hehadafewissueswiththat,butwestraightenedthemoutprettyearlyon.”AccordingtoMarie,itwasastruggleforPatwhenNCOslikeParsonswentoutoftheirwayto“stuffhimup,”justtoshowhimwhowasboss.“Patwasusedtoacertainlevelofcontrolinhislife,”sheexplains,

whichcompletelydisappearedassoonashejoinedtheArmy.Ithinkheknew in theoryhowhard itwouldbe, butuntil youactuallyexperienceit,youcan’tappreciatewhatit’sreallylike.In his sports career hewas always rewarded for howwell heperformed. In the military it doesn’t work that way. It’s allbased on how long you’ve been in, andwhat your rank is. Itdoesn’t matter how capable you are. I think that was a littleshocking forbothPatandKevin.Dealingwith thatwas reallydifficult,butPathadsuchastrongsenseofwhohewasthatitdidn’t change him. He learned how to function within thesystem, how to dealwith it, but he never let them break hisspirit.TheArmyneverchangedhimatall.

Pat’s ability toweather his initiation into the Ranger fraternitywasenhancedconsiderablybythefactthatMariewasbackinhislifeagain,and theywere livingaway from thebase.TwomonthsbeforePat andKevin reported to Fort Lewis, while they were still at boot camp inGeorgia,MariehadflowntoSeattleandspentseveraldayslookingforahouseforthemtorent.“Whentheyfirst joinedtheArmy,”shesays,“Iwaslike,‘Maybeweshouldjustliveonbase.Itmightbeeasier.’ButPatsaid, ‘Absolutelynot!We’renot livingonbase!’So Iwentout there to

seewhatkindofplaceIcouldfind,becausetheArmydidn’treallygiveyoumuchmoneyforhousingifyouwantedtoliveoffbase.”In his journal, Pat had expressed the hope that she would find “a

quaintlittlecottagesomewherewithpersonalityandcharm,”alongthelinesofhischildhoodhomeinNewAlmaden.Asitturnedout,thefirsthouse she looked at, ten miles from Fort Lewis, fit this descriptionalmostprecisely:acutetwo-bedroombrickbungalowwithwoodfloorsand a fireplace, perched on a gentle slope above Puget Sound,surroundedbyazaleasandrhododendronsandwintercreeper,withabigmadronetreeinthesideyard,aweepingcherrybythefrontsteps,andaporch looking out across the water toward Fox Island and—when theclouds parted—the immense, mysterious peaks of the OlympicMountains.Theairwassaturatedwiththescentofsaltwaterandcedarforests. Seabirds wheeled overhead. There was even a view of theTacoma Narrows Bridge, which arched through the mist over theeponymousstraitlikeanimagefromadimlyremembereddream.MariesignedaleaseforthecottageandthenreturnedinNovemberto

clean, paint, andmove all their belongingsup fromArizonawhilePatand Kevin went through jump school and RIP. By the time they’dgraduated, theirnewhomewasall readyfor thebrothers’arrival.“PatandIlovedthathouse,”Mariesayswistfully.“AndKevindid,too.Eventoday,KevinandIstillhavethisspecialfeelingaboutlivingthere,likeitwassomesortofutopia.Whichissofunny,consideringwhattheyweregoingthroughintheArmy.“Theywouldgotoworkanddothisgod-awfulstuff,butwelivedin

this little fantasy bubble away from all that. Theywould come home,and itwas likea separateworld.Patwanted thatandneeded that.Hedidn’twantourlifetobeamilitarylife.Anditwasn’t,inalotofways.Patnever camehome inuniform.Theywould comeandgo in regularclothes.When theywerehome, theywouldgetup in themorningandleave for work, almost like they had normal jobs.” Eventually Marielanded a good job of her own indowntownSeattle, fortymiles to thenorthonInterstate5,andwhenshereturnedintheeveningafterwork,she says, “Theywouldbehomewaiting forme.Therewere chunksoftimewhen theywere gone to Ranger School or overseas orwhatever,butthentheywouldcomehome,anditwasliketheyhadneverleft.The

three of uswere away from everything and everybody, and for Kevinandmeboth,wehadallthatweneeded,whichwasforPattobethere.”Thealreadystrongbondamongthethreeofthemgrewevenstronger.WhenPatandKevinweren’tonthebase,theywereusuallywithMarie;theydidn’tsocializemuchwithothers,andPatdrankverylittlealcohol.HeregardedbeingaRangerasoneof themostseriouschallengeshe’deverundertaken,andhedidn’twanttodoanythingthatmightdullhisfocusonthetaskathand.

When they enlisted, the Tillman brothers assumed they would bedeployed to Afghanistan to fight Osama bin Laden, al-Qaeda, and theTaliban—awarthatseemedvitaltoprotectingnationalsecurity.Duringthe2000presidentialcampaign,Bushhadrepeatedlypromisedthatifhewas elected, his administration would promote a “humble” foreignpolicy. “I’m going to be judicious as to how to use the military,” hepledgedduringhis seconddebatewithAlGore. “It needs tobe inourvital interest, the mission needs to be clear, and the exit strategyobvious….IthinktheUnitedStatesmustbe…humbleinhowwetreatnations that are figuring out how to chart their own course.” TheTillmans,likemostAmericans,thereforehadnoreasontosuspectthatinNovember 2001, President Bush and Vice President Cheney hadinstructed Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld to secretly create adetailedplanfortheinvasionofIraq.Scarcely twomonths after the 9/11 attacks, even though bin Ladenwas still at large inAfghanistan, thepresidentandhismost influentialadvisers regarded the Afghan campaign as amere sideshow, almost adiversion. Truth be told, the primary focus of the Bush administrationhad always been taking down SaddamHussein. On February 5, 2003,SecretaryofStateColinPowellwentbeforetheUnitedNationstomakethe president’s argument for invading Iraq, presenting satellite photosandotherevidenceinaPowerPointpresentationthatpersuasively—buterroneously—indicated Saddampossessedweapons ofmass destructionand had conspiredwith al-Qaeda to carry out terrorist attacks againstAmericans.WhenPowellfinishedhisspiel,itwasplaintotheworldthattheUnitedStateswouldbeinvadingIraqintheimmediatefuture.

Patwasverydisturbed.BythetimeitbecameclearthatwarwithIraqwas imminent, Pat andKevin had been training at Fort Lewis for justoveramonth.SeventeendaysafterPowelladdressedtheUnitedNations,Patwroteinhisjournal,

Itmaybevery soon thatNub& Iwill be calledupon to takepart in something I seenoclearpurpose for….Wereourcasefor war even somewhat justifiable, no doubt many of ourtraditional allies … would be praising our initiative….However, every leader in theworld,witha fewexceptions, iscryingfoul,asisthevoiceofmuchofthepeople.This…leadsmetobelievethatwehavelittleornojustificationotherthanourimperialwhim.OfcourseNub&Ihave…willinglyallowedourselvestobepawnsinthisgameandwilldoourjobwhetherweagreewithitornot.Allweaskisthatitisdulynotedthatweharbornoillusionsofvirtue.

AtthebeginningofMarch,Pat,Kevin,andtheotherRangersofAlphaCompanywere flown to a small airfield in thedesert outside ofAr’ar,Saudi Arabia. “Curious how quickly this whole endeavor has comealong,”Patwrote.“TwomonthsoutofRIPandKevinandIare50milesoff the Iraqiborder….The lastcoupleofdayshavebeenspentputtingupa tent city, stringingconcertinawire, and stayingupallnightwithguardduties.Weareoneof thefirst toarrivesothetaskofsettinguptheplacefallsonourshoulders.”Contemplatingtheuncertaintyofwhatlayahead,hebeseeched,“Let

Kevin& I come out of thiswell.”Were either of them to be seriouslyhurt or killed, he acknowledged, “I cannot begin to imagine what itwould do to our family.” He was particularly concerned aboutMarie:“NeedlesstosayImissherincrediblyandcannotgetthepictureofherface, before we left, out of my mind. She was so genuinelyupset/worried/disappointedthat itetchedahole inmymind….Ican’twaittostartafamilywithMarie,absolutelycan’twait.”

IRAQ“Having kids was definitely something we both wanted,” Marie

confirms. “It was part of why we decided to get married, to start afamily. We were pretty young, but with Pat playing football, we feltsettledandcouldaffordtodoit.Butthenwhenhedecidedto jointheArmy, itdidn’t seem like the right time.Patwasmore inclined to stillhaveababy,butIwantedtoholdoffuntilhewouldbearoundmore.Sowedecidedtowaituntilafterhegotout. Itdidn’tseemlikethatbigadealtowait.Wewerestillreallyyoung.”

OnMarch14,theTillmans’platoonwasassignedtoactasaQRF—aquickreactionforce.Theywouldremainonperpetualstandby,preparedtoboardhelicoptersandbeintheairwithinninetyminutestocometotheaidofotherunitsthatmightrequirerescueoradditionalfirepower.With combat perhaps imminent, the Rangers practiced donning gasmasks and heavy charcoal-lined suits called MOPPs (for MissionOriented Protective Postures) thatwere intended to safeguard them intheeventofanattackwithchemicalorbiologicalweapons.Aftertryingon his hot, clammy, indescribably uncomfortable MOPP gear, Patreflected:

Itsoundslikewewillwearthisgarbwhereverwego.Theideaofbeingshotatisnotawarmone,althoughit’sinfinitelylessfrighteningthanchemicalorbiologicalthreats….If Kevin and I are part of a situationwherewemust fight,

everybitofmysoulknowswewillfightashardasanyoneeverhas. We will not question the reasons for our being here orallowanypersonalbeliefstointerferewithourjob.Myhopeisthat decisions are being made with the same good faith thatKevinand Iaimtodisplay…. Ihope[thiswar isabout]morethan oil, money, & power…. I doubt that it is…. If anythingwere to happen to Kevin I would never forgive myself. Ifanythinghappens toKevin, andmy fearsofour intent in thiscountryprovetrue,Iwillneverforgivethisworld.

Sittinginhistent,PatpulledoutananthologyofessaysthatincludedRalphWaldoEmerson’s intricatelywrought, twenty-pagetourde force,“Self-Reliance”—a disquisition on the importance of following one’sconscienceratherthanconformingtothedictatesofsociety:

Godwillnothavehisworkmademanifestbycowards….Whosowould be aman,must be a nonconformist.Hewho

would gather immortal palms must not be hindered by thenameofgoodness….Nothingisatlastsacredbuttheintegrityofyourownmind….WhatImustdoisallthatconcernsme,notwhatthepeople

think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectuallife,mayserveforthewholedistinctionbetweengreatnessandmeanness. It is theharder because youwill always find thosewhothinktheyknowwhatisyourdutybetterthanyouknowit.Itiseasyintheworldtoliveaftertheworld’sopinion;itiseasy insolitudeto liveafterourown;butthegreatmanishewhointhemidstofthecrowdkeepswithperfectsweetnesstheindependenceofsolitude….Isupposenomancanviolatehisnature….Acharacterislike

anacrosticorAlexandrianstanza;—readitforward,backward,oracross,itstillspellsthesamething….Wepassforwhatweare….Menimaginethattheycommunicatetheirvirtueorviceonlybyovertactions,anddonotseethatvirtueorviceemitabreatheverymoment….Life only avails, not the having lived. Power ceases in the

instantofrepose;itresidesinthemomentoftransitionfromapasttoanewstate,intheshootingofthegulf,inthedartingtoanaim.

Patabsorbedtheessayoverseveraldays.Bythetimehereacheditsfinallines,hewasexhilarated:

So use all that is called Fortune.Mostmen gamblewith her,and gain all, and lose all, as her wheel rolls…. A politicalvictory,ariseofrents,therecoveryofyoursickorthereturnofyour absent friend, or some other favorable event raises yourspirits,andyouthinkgooddaysarepreparingforyou.Donotbelieve it.Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.Nothingcanbringyoupeacebutthetriumphofprinciples.

“Let me applaud the hero who is RalphW. E.,” Pat exclaimed in hisjournal.“‘Self-Reliance’touchedmysoul….Brilliant,trulybrilliant.”OnMarch19, thenightbefore the invasionof Iraq,Emerson’s ideaswere still reverberating inside Pat’s head, unleashing a torrent ofthoughtsandfeelings.“Iwanttosettheworldonfireandmakeitright,”hewrote,butheworriedaboutthepainhebroughttothosehelovedby

adheringtohisprinciples:

Myhonorwillnotallowmetocreatealifeofbeautyandpeacebut sends me off to order and conformity. My life becomeseverything I’mnot. I lovemywifemore thanmyself yetdragher through the same puddle. Who do I love? Where is mypassion directed? Best I can tell, it’s to thosewho could careless: the general masses. I follow some philosophy I barelyunderstand…. My direction is selfish, my telos destructive….Sometimes my need to love hurts—myself, my family, mycause. Is there a cure?Of course. But I refuse.Refuse to stoploving,tostopcaring.Toavoidthosetears,thatpain…ToerronthesideofpassionishumanandrightandtheonlywayI’lllive.

At 5:30 a.m. local time on March 20, some three dozen Tomahawkcruisemissiles thundered fromtheir launchingbaysonwarships in thePersianGulfandRedSea,andsteeredtowardIraqtodeliverasurfeitofshock,awe,anddeathtotargetsthroughoutBaghdad.“Wellthewarhascertainlybegun,”Patwrotefromhistentinthedesert,thirty-fivemilesoutsideof Iraq. “Myheartgoesout to thosewhowill suffer.Whateveryourpolitics,whateveryoubelieveisrightorwrong,thefactismostofthosewhowillfeelthewrathofthisordealwantnothingmorethantolivepeacefully.”Pat’splatoonwasinformedtheywouldbeparachutingdowntoasite

withinIraqtojointhefight.“OurfirstjumpsinceAirborneschoolmaybecombat,howabout themapples?”hemused.Aday later,however,the mission was delayed indefinitely. And on the night of March 27,whentheplatoonfinallyclimbedintohelicoptersandflewoffwiththeNavy’sSEALTeamSixtoengagetheenemyataplacecalledQadisiyahAirbase,PatandKevinweren’tamongthem.“Patwasleftinthetent,”JasonParsonsexplains.“That’sprettymuch

alltherewastoit.Hewasanewguywithoutmuchtrainingunderhisbelt. They wanted to send out themore seasoned soldiers. The noogstendtobemoreofaliabilitythananasset.”Patwas furious. “I knew itwas coming,” hewrote, “but still I can’t

helpmyanger…. I’mnotout forbloodor inanyhurry tokill people,however I did not throwmy life to shit in order to fill sandbags andguardHummers.Thisisafuckinginsultthatboilsmyblood.AllIwanttodoisripoutthethroatofoneoftheseloudmouthfuckswho’sgoingasopposedtome.”ThefactthatPatbelievedtheIraqWartobeillegalandunjustdidnotpreventhimfromwantingdesperatelytogetintothefight, to face enemy fire alongside his comrades, to prove himself incombat.Beingleftinthetentwasalsoarudeslaptohisego.“Ifeellikethe last kid picked,” he complained to his journal, “losingmy jobmyrookie year, notmaking varsity as a freshman. Iwant to fucking hurtsomething.Ithrewawayorpostponedagreatdealtocomehere,broketherulesinaway.Here,nothingisbasedonmerit.Everythinghastodowithtimeinbattalion,timeofrank—nocommentonability,aptitude,orskill….Ibringup‘rulebreak’onlybecauseIwantsomeonetodothisforus.Realizewearenotnormalprivates,breakthefuckingrules,andputusinapositiontoaddvalue.Fuckthisplace.”At the last minute, Private Jade Lane had been chosen for the

Qadisiyahmission instead of Pat, Lane says, because he had anM203grenade launcher attached to his M4 carbine, Pat didn’t, “and theywantedmore firepower.”Lane, forhispart,wouldhavebeenhappytolet Pat go in his place. “The first thing I saw when they kicked thehelicopter doors open,” Lane remembers, “was two huge murals ofSaddamon theairfield.Youcouldseeall thesemuzzle flashes lightingup the night, and helicopterswithmini-gunswere just opening up onenemytargetsontheground—tolookoutandseethat,itwaslike,‘Holyshit.This isreal.This isactuallyhappening.’”Asthechoppercameinunder heavy enemy fire, a twenty-one-year-old Ranger namedManuelAvilawasshottwiceinthechest,andacrewmanonanotherhelicopterwasshotinthehead.Avila’s injuries appeared to be life threatening. Pat, monitoring the

missionover the radioback at thebase inAr’ar,was chastened.Avilawaspartofhisfour-manfireteam,andhewasfondofhim.“Veryquiet,hard working, goodman,” Pat wrote of his wounded teammate whennews of the casualties arrived. “He was actually born in Mexico andcamenorthwithhis family as a boy.Not exactly the story some folksthinkofwhentheybitchaboutallthose‘foreigners’comingover.Bravo,

Manuel,younotonlydoyour family, friends,& fellowsoldiersproud,you symbolize themen this countrywasbuilt by…. Iwait to seehowtheywillallreturn.Whatexactlyisthelookofamanafteranencounterwithfire,anencounterwithacomradeshot,anencounterwithdeath?”Avilahadbeen theSAWgunneronTillman’s team.WhenAvilawas

shot, Pat became the new SAW gunner. Weighing twenty-two pounds(including a two-hundred-round drum of .223-caliber ammunition, thesame bullets fired by the M4 and M16), the M249 Squad AutomaticWeaponisabelt-fedmachinegundesignedtolaydownhighvolumesofsuppressive fire. Not only did the gun itself weigh a lot, but a SAWgunner was required to carry at least six hundred to eight hundredroundsofammunition,becausetheweaponcouldfireathousandroundsperminute and tended to use up a lot of bullets in a hurry once theshootingstarted.“Truthbetold,”Patconfessedtohisjournal,“I’dratherstickwith the lighterM4,butbeing that Ihavenochoice, Iwill learnthis new weapon and get proficient at it. This is a heavy casualty-producing weapon, which will change my role a bit. Oh well—improvise,adapt,andovercome.”

*Armyslangfor“newguys.”

*NCOistheacronymfornoncommissionedofficer,thatis,acorporalorsergeantofanygrade.

CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

PatandKevinwerefinallysentoutontheirfirstmissiononMarch31,aspartofanimmensecontingentofMarines,Rangers,GreenBerets,DeltaForceoperators,SEALs,andAirForcePararescueJumpersdispatchedtorescueanineteen-year-oldsoldierreportedlybeingheldprisonerbyIraqifightersatahospitalinacitycalledAnNasiriyah.Theprisoner’snamewasJessicaDawnLynch.Her capture eight days earlier, and the rescue that eventually

followed, were about to become the most publicized episodes of theentireIraqWar.ThesagaofJessicaLynchwouldalsoturnouttohaveamomentous impact on Pat Tillman—although the wallop wouldn’t bedelivered untilmore than a year after she became a household name,andtheconnectionbetweenLynchandTillmanhasnotpreviouslybeendisclosed.OnMarch23,2003,PrivateLynchhadbeen travelingnorthonHighway 8, amajor freeway leading to Baghdad, as one of thirty-three soldiers in an eighteen-vehicle convoy of the Army’s 507thMaintenance Company, which was heading up-country to support aPatriot antimissile battery. The soldiers were for the most partmechanics,supplyclerks,andcooks,poorlytrainedforcombat,whodidnotexpecttofindthemselvesanywherenearthefrontlines.At1:00inthemorning,thesleep-deprivedofficerleadingtheconvoy,CaptainTroyKing,missedacrucialturnontohisassignedroute,asix-laneexpresswaythatwouldhavekepthimtenmilesoutsideofAnNasiriyah,acongestedcity. Approximately five hours later, at a major intersection adornedwith a statue memorializing the Iran-Iraq War, King missed anothercriticalturn.Theconvoy—afewHumveesescortinganassortmentofheavytrucks

towing trailers—had unwittingly exited Highway 8, which also wouldhavediverteditaroundNasiriyah,andwasnowheadeddirectlyintothecityonafour-laneboulevard.Theboard-flat,barrendesertthey’dbeendrivingthroughsinceleavingKuwaitabruptlygavewaytopalmgroves

and lush green shrubbery. About amile after leaving Highway 8, theconvoymotoredpastseveralIraqiT-55tankspositionedbesidetheroad,butfailedtonoticetheminthedark,andthuscontinueddrivingblithelyon.Halfamile farther, theconvoycrosseda low,gentlyarchingbridge,longerthantwofootballfields,spanningthegreasy,ash-coloredflowoftheEuphratesRiver.Whentheyreachedthefarshore,theywereintheheartofNasiriyah.Amilitarytown,itwasroughlytheIraqiequivalentofColoradoSpringsorTacomaorElPaso.Its500,000residentsincludedthree regimentsof the IraqiArmy (about5,000 soldiers) aswell as anestimated 800 Fedayeen militia fighters. Lynch’s convoy of cafeteriaworkers and desk jockeys were the first Americans to enter thisexceedingly hostile environment since the start of the war three daysearlier.TheheavilyarmedcitizensofNasiriyahhadbeennervouslyexpectingthe Americans to invade their city. Tanks, artillery, and squads offighterswere positioned in strategic locations around themetropolitanarea to repel the coming attack. But none of the anxious localsanticipatedthattheinvadingforcewouldbealightlyarmedconvoyoftransporttrucks,drivenbymenandwomenwhoappearedtobeutterlyunaware of the Iraqi forces amassed around them. The Iraqis were soastonishedby theAmericans’ cluelessness that theyheld their fire andmerelystaredindisbelief.

AfewblocksaftercrossingtheEuphratesRiver,astheconvoyenteredthe urban core of Nasiriyah, it passed an Iraqi military checkpointmannedbyarmedsoldierswhosmiledandwavedat theAmericansastheydroveby,andLynch’sconvoycontinuedtorollnorththroughthemiddleofthecity,unmolested,foranotherthreemiles.AftercrossingabridgeoverawaterwaycalledtheSaddamCanalandthen driving a mile past Nasiriyah’s northern edge, Captain King, theconvoycommander,stoppedtoconsulthisGPS,whereuponhebelatedlyrealized they’d made a seriously wrong turn an hour earlier.

Determiningthattheconvoywouldneedtoretraceitsrouteinordertoreturntothe intersectionwherehe’d ledthemastray,Kingorderedhistroops to lockand load theirweapons, turnaround, andbegindrivingbackthewaythey’djustcome.Soon after the Americans reversed course, the Iraqis overcame the

paralysisoftheir initialshockandbeganshootingattheconvoy.Someof the American soldiers panicked, and most of their dust-clogged,improperlymaintainedweapons jammed. In short order, Captain Kinglost his bearings in the maze of unfamiliar streets, one truck wasdisabled by enemy fire, and two other rigs got stuck in soft sand.SergeantDonaldR.Walters,whohadbeenridinginthedisabledtruck,was inadvertently left behind, taken prisoner by the Fedayeen, andsubsequentlykilled.As word traveled rapidly through the city that a befuddled, lightly

armed American convoy had blundered into their midst, Fedayeenfighterswere drawn to the scene like hyenas to a flock of defenselesssheep,andtheattackintensified.Theconvoysplintered,anditsvehiclessoonbecamewidely separated in theconfusionandbillowingdust.AnAmericansoldierwasshot,andthenanother.Jessica Lynch and four other soldiers were in a Humvee towing a

trailerneartherearofwhatremainedoftheconvoy.DirectlyinfrontofLynch’s Humvee was a five-ton truck driven by Specialist EdgarHernandez,towingaflatbedtrailer.Thetwovehiclesacceleratedsouththrough Nasiriyah down a street that the Marines would christen“Ambush Alley,” desperately trying to flee the city as Fedayeen onrooftops shot at them with AK-47s, heavy machine guns, and rocket-propelledgrenades.Around7:20,theyspedbackacrossthelongbridgeover the Euphrates River and were nearly out of the kill zone whenHernandez’stractortrailercameuponanIraqidumptruckthathadbeenpositionedacross the road toblock theAmericans’passage.Hernandezswerved onto the right shoulder to avoid hitting the truck, his trailerjackknifed,andamomentlaterLynch’sHumveesmashedintothebackoftheflatbedatfiftymilesperhour.Lynch,whowasinoneoftherearseats,andherbestfriend,Private

Lori Piestewa, who was driving, survived the crash but were gravelyinjuredandtakenprisonerbytheFedayeen.Theotherthreeoccupants

oftheHumveeperishedonimpactorshortlythereafter.Alltold,elevensoldiersfromtheMaintenanceCompanylosttheirlivesintheattackontheconvoy,andsevenwerecaptured.LynchandPiestewa,bothunconscious,werebroughttonearbyTykarMilitaryHospital,wherePiestewasoonsuccumbedtoherinjuries.Afewhours later, an Iraqimilitary ambulance transported Lynch to SaddamHussein General Hospital, a civilian facility two miles across town.WithinafewdaysAmericanforceslearnedfrommultipleIraqisources,includingthehusbandofanIraqinursewhowascaringforLynch,thatshewasbeingheldatSaddamHospital.Thenurse’shusband,a lawyernamed Mohammed Odeh al-Rehaief, told some Marines manning acheckpoint outside of the city that he had spoken with Lynch at herbedside.WhentheMarinesaskedal-Rehaieftoreturntothehospitaltogather more information, he went back twice and provided theAmericans with detailed maps indicating the layout of the six-storybuildingandLynch’spreciselocation.HealsotoldtheMarinesthattheAmericangirlhadbeenshot inboth legs,herheadwasbandaged,andonearmwasinasling.Relying on the intelligence provided by al-Rehaief, the operation torescueherwasset intomotiononMarch31.Atdawn,Pat,Kevin,andtheirfellowRangerswereflowntoTallil,asprawling,bombed-outIraqiairfield twelve miles southwest of Nasiriyah that the Americans hadcaptured ten days earlier. After sitting in the sun all day waiting forsomething to happen, they were informed the mission had beenpostponedfortwenty-fourhours.Thenextmorningtheyagainpreparedforbattleandwaited throughout theday.Thateveningwhendarknessfell, explosions flashed in the nearby city as aMarine artillery batterybegan shelling an enemy command post to divert enemy forces awayfrom Saddam Hospital. At midnight, a Special Ops team stormed thehospital,snatchedLynchfromherbed,hustledheroutonastretchertoawaitingBlackHawkhelicopter,andflewhertosafety.During the rescue operation, the Tillmans remained just outside thecityaspartofaquickreactionforcereadytostormthehospital intheeventoftrouble.Theirroleintherescue“wasmarginal,”Patadmittedinhis journal. Throughout thenight ofApril 1-2, “We sat on the airfieldfreezingourballsoffwaitingtobecalledin.”But,hereportedhappily,

“thegirl,Jessica,wassaved,noonewashurt,overallthemissionwasatotalsuccess.”The definitive account of Lynch’s ordealwas published on the front

pageoftheWashingtonPostonApril3.“SheWasFightingtotheDeath,”theheadlineannouncedabovethestory’sbreathlessopeningsentence:

Pfc. Jessica Lynch, rescued Tuesday from an Iraqi hospital,foughtfiercelyandshotseveralenemysoldiersafterIraqiforcesambushed theArmy’s507thOrdnanceMaintenanceCompany,firing her weapon until she ran out of ammunition, U.S.officialssaidyesterday.Lynch … continued firing at the Iraqis even after she

sustainedmultiplegunshotwoundsandwatched severalothersoldiers in her unit die around her in fightingMarch 23, oneofficialsaid.…“Shewasfightingtothedeath,”theofficialsaid.“Shedidnotwanttobetakenalive.”Lynchwas also stabbedwhen Iraqi forces closed in on her

position,theofficialsaid,notingthatinitialintelligencereportssaidshehadbeenstabbedtodeath.…Lynch’s rescueatmidnight local timeTuesdaywasaclassic

SpecialOperations raid,withU.S. commandos in BlackHawkhelicoptersengagingIraqiforcesontheirwayinandoutofthemedicalcompound,defenseofficialssaid.Acting on information from CIA operatives, they said, a

SpecialOperationsforceofNavySEALs,ArmyRangersandAirForce combat controllers touched down in blacked-outconditions.…“Therewasshootinggoingin,therewassomeshootinggoing

out,”saidonemilitaryofficerbriefedontheoperation.“Itwasnotintensive.Therewasnoshootinginthebuilding,butitwashairy,becausenooneknewwhattoexpect.…”The officer said that Special Operations forces found what

lookedlikea“prototype”Iraqitorturechamberinthehospital’sbasement,withbatteriesandmetalprods.…

Thanks largely to details first revealed in this article, as well asdramatic video of the rescue distributed to the media by the Army,JessicaLynchdominatedthenewsforweeks.Thedetailsoftheincidentprovided by military public affairs officers made for an absolutelyriveting story that television, radio, and print journalists foundirresistible: a petite blond supply clerk from a flea-speck burg inWestVirginia is ambushed in Iraq and fearlessly mows down maskedFedayeen terrorists with her M16 until she runs out of ammo,whereupon she is shot, stabbed, captured, tortured, and raped beforefinally being snatched from her barbaric Iraqi captors during a daringraidbyAmericancommandos.Thestorywassogrippingthatlittleheedwaspaidtoaparagraphnear

the beginning of the aforementioned Washington Post article, whichstated,

Severalofficialscautionedthattheprecisesequenceofeventsisstillbeingdetermined,andthatfurtherinformationwillemergeasLynchisdebriefed.Reportsthusfararebasedonbattlefieldintelligence, they said, which comes from monitoredcommunications and from Iraqi sources in Nasiriyah whosereliability has yet to be assessed. Pentagon officials said theyhadheard“rumors”ofLynch’sheroicsbuthadnoconfirmation.

Overthefollowingweeks,months,andyears,subsequentreportingbyinvestigative journalists revealed that most of the details of Lynch’sordeal were extravagantly embellished, and much of the rest wasinvented from whole cloth. Because her rifle had jammed, she hadn’tfired a single round. Although her injuries had indeed been lifethreatening, theywere exclusively the result of her Humvee smashingintoHernandez’stractortrailer;shewasnevershot,stabbed,tortured,orraped. After she had been transferred to Saddam Hussein GeneralHospital, her captors treated her with kindness and special care. AndwhentheAmericancommandosarrivedatthehospitaltorescueLynch,theymetnosignificantresistance.ThespuriousparticularsdidnotcomefromPrivateLynch.Thebogus

storywasbasedon informationfedtogulliblereportersbyanonymous

militarysources.Thegovernmentofficialwhoarrangedforreporterstointerviewthesesources—theguywhodeservestopbillingforcreatingthe myth of Jessica Lynch, in other words—was a White HouseapparatchiknamedJimWilkinson.Althoughhisofficial jobdescriptionwasdirectorofstrategiccommunicationsforGeneralTommyFranks(thecommander of all U.S. forces in Iraq and Afghanistan), actuallyWilkinsonservedastheBushadministration’stop“perceptionmanager”fortheIraqWar.AsBenSmithnotedinanarticlepublishedintheNewYorkObserverinOctober2003,

Wilkinson has gone from politics to war and back since heworkedforGeorgeW.BushinFloridaduringthe2000election,and his journey is a mark of the administration’s utilitarianapproachtomarketingwar,politicsandthepresidency.…He’salsogotaspureaRepublicanpedigreeasyoucanwish,andanedgehonedinthebitterpartisanwarsbetweenBillClintonandtheRepublicanHouseleadership.Mr. Wilkinson grew up in East Texas and attended high

school in Tenaha, population 1,046, then gave up plans tobecome an undertaker to go to work for RepublicanCongressman Dick Armey in 1992. Mr. Armey soon becameHouse majority leader; his communications director, Mr.Wilkinson’s mentor, was Ed Gillespie, now chairman of theRepublicanNationalCommittee.Mr. Wilkinson first left his mark on the 2000 presidential

raceinMarch1999,whenhehelpedpackageandpromotethenotion that Al Gore claimed to have “invented the Internet.”Then the Texan popped up in Miami to defend Republicanprotestersshuttingdownarecount.…Forhistroubles,Mr.Wilkinsonwasmadedeputydirectorof

communicationsforplanningintheBushWhiteHouse,andwasamongtheaideswhosetuptheSept.14,2001,visittoGroundZerothatredefinedGeorgeW.Bush’spresidency.

When the invasion of Iraq commenced onMarch 20,Wilkinsonwasthe president’s man on the ground at U.S. Central Command

headquarters in Qatar, controlling and carefully shaping informationabout thewardisseminated to the internationalpress. In thiscapacity,he adroitly stage-managed both the rescue of Jessica Lynch and thesubsequent media coverage of her ordeal. It was Wilkinson whoarranged to give the Washington Post exclusive access to classifiedintelligencethatwasthebasisforthenow-discredited“SheWasFightingtotheDeath”storythatranonthefrontpageofthatnewspaper.InmuchthesamewaythatsourcesatthehighestlevelsoftheBush-CheneyadministrationmanipulatedtheNewYorkTimesreporterJudithMiller into writing articles seeming to confirm that Saddam possessedweaponsofmassdestruction,WilkinsondupedreportersandeditorsattheWashington Post,USAToday, and othermedia outlets into runningwildly hyperbolic stories about Lynch.Wilkinson simply sowed a littlemisinformation where it would have the most impact, sat back, andwatchedhisfabulationgoviral,propagatedbythemediafrenzythatheknewwouldensue.ThetruesagaofJessicaLynchandthesubsequentbattleofNasiriyahwere actuallymuchmore compelling than the tall tale so dexterouslyengineered by Wilkinson, but they painted a rather more disturbingpictureofhowthewarwasunfolding.OnMarch16,justaweekbeforeLynch was captured, Vice President Cheney had declared on nationaltelevision, “Mybelief iswewill, in fact, begreetedas liberators,” andthenpredicted,“Ithinkitwillgorelativelyquickly,…[in]weeksratherthanmonths.”AsMichaelR.GordonandBernardE.TrainorreportedintheirbookCobraII,“TheCIAwassosurethatAmericansoldierswouldbe greeted warmly when they pushed into Southern Iraq that a CIAoperativesuggestedsneakinghundredsofsmallAmericanflagsintothecountryforgratefulIraqistowaveattheirliberators.”Butacascadeofdisastrous events that began with the attack on Lynch’s convoythreatened to contradict the assurances made by Bush, Cheney,Rumsfeld,andothersthatAmericanswouldbe“greetedwithsweetsandflowers”andvictorywouldbeachievedquickly.This tragic cascade started with an innocent error, when Lynch’sconvoytookawrongforkintheroad.Bytheendofthatday,thanksinno small part to this mistake, twenty-nine American servicemen andservicewomenweredead.ItwasWilkinson’sjobtodivertattentionfrom

this alarming setback lest it undermine the homeland’s overwhelmingsupportforOperationIraqiFreedom.Severaldayslater,afterevenmorebad news further threatened to erode public support for the war,Wilkinson learned that Jessica Lynch was lying in a hospital bed,guardedhaphazardlyifatall,justafewmilesfromanAmericanmilitaryoutpost. Right away, he knew exactly how to make the most of theopportunity.

CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE

In the predawn hours of March 23, 2003, as Jessica Lynch’s convoyrolledacrosstheEuphratesRiverandenteredAnNasiriyah,PatTillmanwasasleeponhiscot inAr’ar,SaudiArabia,havingstayedup late theprevious evening reading The Odyssey, Homer’s epic poem about theGreekheroOdysseusandhisten-yearefforttomakehiswayhometohiswife, Penelope, after the Trojan War. Pat had no knowledge of thetragedy beginning to unfold inNasiriyah, nor could he have imaginedthatitsaftershockswouldonedaybeasourceofunceasingtormenttothepeopleheloved.As the sun crested the horizon that morning in southern Iraq,

hundredsofMarinesweremaneuveringintopositiontoinvadeNasiriyahand capture the very bridge that Lynch and the Army’s 507thMaintenance Company had just driven heedlessly across, which wasdeemedcrucialtotherapidpushofAmericantroopstoBaghdad.WhentheFirstBattalionoftheSecondMarineRegimentdrewtowithinseveralmiles of this bridge, Iraqi forces respondedwith fire from small arms,machineguns,mortars,andartillery.Around7:30a.m.,inthemidstofthis skirmish, a Humvee came racing toward the Marines from thedirectionofNasiriyahandscreechedtoastop,riddledwithbulletholesandwithitstiresonfire.AnextremelyagitatedAmericanArmycaptainnamedTroyKing jumpedout inastateofnearhysteria,yelling thataconvoy he had been leading had suffered catastrophic losses aftercomingunderattackbackinthecity.ThismadenosensetoMajorBillPeebles,thecommanderofthetank

column leading theMarines’ advance into the city. NoArmy units, orthoseofanyothermilitarybranch,weresupposedtohaveprecededtheMarines into Nasiriyah. When King, struggling to speak coherently,informedPeeblesthatmostofhiscompanyofsoldiersremainedbehind—some already dead, others pinned down by the enemy in differentareasofthecity—Peeblesledhistanksofftolookforsurvivors.Inshort

orderthetanksspottedseveralU.S.Armytrucksthathadbeenshotfullof holes and were in flames. Hiding in a ditch behind the ravagedvehicles, still taking heavy fire, were ten soldiers from the 507thMaintenance Company, four of whom were wounded. The Marinesgathered up the survivors, spun their tanks around, and hurried awayfromNasiriyahtodeliverthewoundedtoasecurelocationwheretheycouldreceivemedicalaid.Afterthetanksdeparted,BravoCompany—comprisingapproximatelytwohundredMarinesridinginthreeHumveesandadozenamphibiousassaultvehiclesknownasAAVs,amtracs,ortracs—movednorthtowardthe bridge over the Euphrates River. Crossing it without encounteringresistance,theycontinuedtowardtheirnextobjective:asecondbridge,onthenorthernedgeofthecity,spanningtheSaddamCanal.Themostdirect route to this bridgewas the road onwhich Lynch’s convoyhadbeenattacked,AmbushAlley.Understandably,theyelectedtoapproachtheSaddamCanalBridgebyalesshazardousroutethatswungaroundtothe east. Shortly after crossing the Euphrates, therefore, they turnedright,abandonedthepavement,andstartedrollingacrossasaltflatthatwouldtakethemtotheirobjectiveviathisroundaboutpath.UnbeknownsttoBravoCompany,however,thesaltflatwasactuallyaswamp where the city’s sewage accumulated beneath a carapace ofsunbaked mud. Two tanks attached to the company suddenly brokethroughthecrustandplungedfourfeetintosmellyquicksand.Themorethey spun their treads trying to crawl free, the deeper the immensevehicles wallowed. A moment later one of the amphibious assaultvehicles broke through the crust and became stuck as well, and thenanother. Within minutes, three tanks, three Humvees, and three tracsweresuckeddownintothebog.

OneofthehopelesslymiredtracsservedasthemobilecommandpostforLieutenantColonelRickGrabowski, theFirstBattalioncommander,who was directing the mission. Containing all of Grabowski’scommunicationsequipment,thetrachadbecometrappedneartheedgeof the salt flat beneath an overhead power line, which seemed tointerferewith radio transmissions,making it nearly impossible for thecommandertocommunicatewitheitherheadquartersorhisotherunits,AlphaandCharliecompanies.UponseeingthattheAmericanvehicleswereimmobilized,swarmsof

Iraqi fighters materialized and began shooting at them from nearbyrooftopsas scoresof local residents simultaneouslyemerged fromtheirhomes and hurried out of the city, fleeing the battle that they knewwould soon commence in earnest. Grabowski ordered his men todismountfromtheirtracsandformadefensiveperimeter.Mostofthemwere young recruits who had never seen combat. As they exited thevehicles, many of the Marines appeared scared and confused. Barelyunder way, the mission was already “Charlie Fox-trot”—a totalclusterfuck.Even before Bravo Company had blundered into the sewage,

Grabowski had been feeling a lot of heat from his boss, the Marinebrigadier general Rich Natonski. Three hours earlier, shortly after therescue of the survivors from Jessica Lynch’s convoy, Grabowski’smenweremovingnorththroughtheoutskirtsofNasiriyah,clearingbuildingsandskirmishingwiththeenemy,whenthegeneralhadhelicoptered infrom his command post specifically to admonish Grabowski for thesluggishpaceofhisadvance.DonaldRumsfeld’s strategy for theentireinvasion—for theentirewar—waspredicatedonspeed,andofficersonthe ground were under unrelenting pressure to keep pushing rapidlytowardBaghdad,nomatterwhat.NatonskitookGrabowskiaside,gotinhisface,andtoldhim,“Ineedyoutofuckinggetupthereandseizethebridges.” Adding to the sense of urgency, Natonski explained, twelveArmysoldiersfromLynch’sconvoywerestillmissingsomewhereinthecity,andGrabowski’sMarinesshould“belookingforthoseindividuals”astheymovedtowardthebridges.Not long past noon, while Grabowski and Bravo Company were

struggling to extricate themselves from the reekingbog on the easternedgeofNasiriyah,CharlieCompanymovednorthacross theEuphratesRiver Bridge, expecting to rendezvous with Bravo Company and thenfollow them to the Saddam Canal Bridge. Seeing no sign of BravoCompany,andunabletoraisethemontheradio,CaptainDanWittnam,thecommanderofCharlieCompany,assumedthatBravoCompanymusthavealreadygoneonahead.SoWittnam,onhisowninitiative,orderedhis men to proceed directly up Ambush Alley to the Saddam CanalBridge.SergeantWilliamSchaefer,commandingCharlieCompany’sleadtrac,

wasincredulous.“Sayagain,”heradioedback,requestingconfirmationof the orders. Schaeferwas concerned because a platoon of tankswassupposedtoprecedeCharlieCompanywherevertheywent,butthetanksassignedtobetheirescortsweredivertedtorescuethesurvivorsoftheJessicaLynchconvoy,andhadn’tyet reappeared.Emphaticordershadbeensentdownthechainofcommand,however,thattakingthebridgewastotakepriorityoverallelse,soSchaeferswallowedhisreservations,ordered his driver to put trac C201 in gear, and led the convoy intoAmbush Alley. Like all Marines, he had been indoctrinated: “First,accomplish the mission.” Compared with the other branches of theArmedForces,theMarineCorpswasrelativelyfrankaboutwheretroopsafety ranked in thebig picture—andmore than a fewgrunts actuallytookperverseprideintheMarines’reputationforgettingthejobdoneatanycost.WithtracC201outinfront,CharlieCompany’seleventracsandthreeHumvees headed for the Saddam Canal Bridge. Watertight, tublikecontraptions that can deploy propellers in order to cross open water,tracsweredesignedtoferrytroopsfromshipstobeachheads.Twenty-sixfeetlongwithagunturretontheroof,atracisintendedtocarrytwentymen and is impelled by belted treads, like tanks, rather than wheels.Becauseatrac’slightaluminum“armor”iseasilypenetratedbyrocket-propelledgrenades(RPGs)andheavyweapons,MajorPeebles’splatoonofM1A1AbramstankswassupposedtoleadCharlieCompanyintothefray.AfterbeingdivertedtorescuetheMaintenanceCompanysoldiers,however,thetankshadburnedupsomuchgasthatthey’dhadtorunfarto the rear to refuel. When Peebles arrived at the so-called rapid-refueling point, he discovered that its pumps had broken down and itwouldtakefortyminutestorefilleachofhisenormousmachinesusingasiphon. With the tanks thus temporarily hors de combat, CharlieCompany’s vulnerable tracs clattered toward the northern bridge ontheirown,withoutanescort.AsthetracsrolledupAmbushAlley,enemyfightersbegantoshootatthem from adjacent rooftops, and within minutes the sporadic firebecame a furious attack coming from all points of the compass.Somehow none of theAmericans running the show—notNatonski norGrabowskinor theCIAnoranyof thegenerals atCentralCommand—

hadanyideathatNasiriyahwasamajormilitaryhuboverflowingwithenemyforces.TheMarinesonthegroundhadbeenassuredthattakingthebridgeswouldbe“acakewalk”—thattheresidentsof thecitywereShiiteMuslimswhodespisedSaddamandhisSunniminions,andwouldwelcometheAmericansasliberators.AsGrabowskilaterexplainedtoacolonel investigating the incident, “Our indications were … that thebridgeswerenotgoingtobedefended, thatwe’regoingtogo in thereand just seize them.… No one expected that level of a fight in AnNasiriyah. No one.” As it turned out, the sectarian dynamics inNasiriyah, as in the restof Iraq,weremuchmore convoluted than theneoconservative brain trust at the White House and the Pentagonassumed.OnFebruary15,1991,duringthefirstGulfWar,theVoiceofAmerica

had broadcast a rousing speech by President George H. W. BushimploringShiathroughoutthecountrytoriseupagainstSaddam.Ninedays later, the CIA broadcast a similar message over a radio stationcalled the Voice of Free Iraq, suggesting that the United Stateswouldsupport such an uprising. During the first week of March the Shiiteresidents of Nasiriyah responded by overthrowing the city’s rulingBaathistregime,onlytodiscoverthattheAmericanshadnointentionofgettinginvolved.Evenworse,afterroutingtheIraqiArmy,theU.S.-ledcoalition signed a peace agreement that explicitly allowed Saddam’sgovernment to retain its fleet of helicopter gunships. Having defeatedSaddam, the first president Bush and his secretary of defense, DickCheney,no longerhadanyuse for theShia.TheAmericans feared theuprisingthey’dfomentedwouldgivecontrolofIraqtotheShia,whoseclosereligioustieswithIrandiscomfitedthemevenmorethanSaddamdid.AstheShiiterebelliongainedmomentum,Saddam’sRepublicanGuard

swooped in and savagely crushed the insurgents throughout southernIraq,includingNasiriyah,summarilyexecutingtensofthousandsofShiawhileU.S. forces stoodby anddidnothing to intervene.Bodies of thedead were dumped in mass graves around the city. The embitteredsurvivors understandably felt betrayed by the Americans, and a dozenyearslaterwhenthesecondpresidentBushinvadedIraq,theShiawerenotabouttobeplayedforfoolsagain.

InsteadofbeingwelcomedassaviorsbythecitizensofNasiriyah,theMarineswhoenteredthecityin2003wereattacked.WhilegustsofIraqibullets ripped into the American vehicles, local women and childrendeliberatelyranoutontothestreetstodetertheMarinesfromshootingback.AccordingtoGrabowski,theywere“smilingandwavingandtheyknewwhattheyweredoing.”Initially the Marines held their fire. As the Iraqi attack intensified,

however,self-preservationsupersededconcernsaboutciviliancasualties.Accelerating to thirty miles per hour, the grunts began shootingfranticallywitheveryweaponavailableastheycareeneddownAmbushAlley trying to escape the kill zone. The twenty-one-year-old lancecorporalEdwardCastleberry,thedriveroftracC201—thecolumn’sleadvehicle—usedonehandtosqueezeoffburstswithhisM16ashesteeredwith the other, while the trac’s commander, Sergeant Schaefer,evisceratedFedayeen fighterswith a .50-calibermachinegunmountedin the vehicle’s turret. “Pieces of people were all over the street,”CastleberrylatertoldtheLosAngelesTimes.WhenanIraqiranintothemiddle of the road andbegan sprayingAK-47 roundsdirectly into thefrontofhistrac,Castleberrydroveoverthemaninself-defense,crushinghimbeneaththemachine’streads.ShortlybeforeCharlieCompanyarrivedatSaddamCanalBridge,trac

C211,positionednear therearof thecolumnanddrivenbythe thirty-one-year-old sergeant Michael Bitz, was hit with two RPGs, criticallyinjuring fiveMarines and setting thevehicleon fire.Aware that if thetrac came to a stop, the two dozen men inside the burning machinewould probably be overrun and massacred, the vehicle’s commander,Second Lieutenant Michael Seely, pounded on Bitz’s helmet andscreamed at him, “Go! Go! Go!” They managed to keep the machinerolling north with the rest of the column, spewing oily black smoke,until it had crossed the bridge and traveled approximately a hundredyardsbeyond,whentheenginequitturninganditshudderedtoastop.Very soon it became apparent that the Marines had driven into a

deadly cul-de-sac. SeveralhundredFedayeenguerrillas and IraqiArmyregulars were dug into well-defended positions all around theAmericans,energeticallytargetingthemwithanassortmentoflightandheavy weapons. The fourteen tracs came to a halt, and the men of

Charlie Company scurried from their flimsy vehicles into thesurroundingterrain,whichofferedscantcover.Bitz,Schaefer,andotherMarines rushed to pull the moaning, blood-drenched men from Bitz’sflamingtrac,C211,beforethestoresofammunitioninsideexploded,andloaded them into the designated “medevac” trac, C212. At the sametime, mortar squads hurriedly set up three 60-millimeter mortars andbegan lobbing rounds toward the enemy at such a rapid rate that thetubesbegantoglowfromtheheat.FirstSergeantJoséHenaowasinchargeofgatheringandevacuatingthewoundedMarines.Although fewofCharlieCompany’s radioswerefunctioning,Henaomanagedtogetacallouttothebattalioncommandpostwith an urgent request for amedevac helicopter, but the landingzone was receiving way too much fire for any aircraft to come in.Immediatelyafterfinishingthecall,tracC212washitwithanRPG,soHenao and another noncommissioned officer unloaded the woundedmeninsideandlaidthemdownontheeastsideoftheroad.ThevolleyofRPGs continued for severalminutes, but luckily,Henao testified, “alot of the RPGs, theyweren’t detonating. Theywere just landing, andgoing by us. I saw one coming straight to our trac. It hit the back,bouncedoff,andlandedaboutfortyyardsawayandneverexploded.”

For the first three days of the war, U.S. forces had raced north fromKuwait without encountering any noteworthy enemy resistance. ThegreatestimpedimenttotheiradvancewashavingtodealwithhundredsofIraqiswhorushedforwardtosurrenderastheAmericansdrewnear.The ferocity of the Iraqi counterassault in Nasiriyah thus caught theMarinescompletelyoffguard.Before the invasion,most of the residents of Nasiriyahwere in factterrified of the American military’s overwhelming superiority, andassumedtheywouldbeobliterated.ButwhentheinvaderswereledintoNasiriyahbythetimid,poorlyarmed507thMaintenanceCompany,theIraqisadjustedtheiropinionoftheiradversary’spurportedinvincibility.AccordingtotheexecutiveofficeroftheIraqiTwenty-thirdBrigade,whowas later captured and interrogated by the Marines, the Iraqi forcesadopted an entirely different frame of mind when the Americans in

Jessica Lynch’s convoy “didn’t fight when they got engaged,” andinstead fled the city. All the Iraqi soldiers were “emboldened,” theexecutive officer explained: “It emboldened even the tribal leaders tofighttheAmericans,becauseifthisisthebestyou’vegot,thenwhynotbe on the winning side.” When the Marines showed up on the samestreetswherethe507thMaintenanceCompanyhadjustbeenrouted,theIraqis assumed that the Marines would also turn tail and run ifconfronted with a show of force, so they fought with greatdetermination.ThusdidCharlieCompanywindupinadesperatefightfortheirlives.Although they battled the Iraqis courageously, the Marines weresurrounded,outnumbered,andoutgunnedandhadnoplacetohide.TheAbramstanksthathadbeensenttorescuetheLynchconvoywouldhaveshiftedtheoddsdecisivelyintheAmericans’favor,buttheyhadstillnotappeared. Nor was Charlie Company receiving any help from the air.Sending in a couple of Cobra attack helicopters to take out enemypositionsfromabovewouldalsohavemadeacrucialdifferencefortheMarines north of the SaddamCanal Bridge, but theMarine Corps hadgivenCharlieCompanyneither a forwardair controller to call in suchair support nor a UHF radio—both ofwhichwere required to contactaircraft and tell themwhere to shoot. So the gruntswere left to theirowndevices.Theironlyoptionwastotrytokeeptheenemyatbayuntilreinforcementsarrived.José Henao went over to one of themortar crews to see how theywere holding up, and kneeled down next to Staff Sergeant PhillipJordan.Pumpingoutshellsasfastastheycouldbedroppedintohisred-hot mortar tube, Jordan calmly remarked to Henao, “We’re in a shitsandwich.”“Yes we are,” Henao replied, and then hurried off to tend to thewounded men from trac C211, who were calling out for him aboutseventyyardsaway.When Henao had covered about half that distance, there was anenormous explosion back where he had just been talking to Jordan.RPGsandenemymortarroundshadbeendetonatingaroundtheMarinesfor fifteenor twentyminutes, but this explosionwasnotably larger. Itkilled Jordan instantly. Slumpednear Jordanwith the frontportionof

hisheadblownoff,gurglingand twitching in the throesofdeath,wasLance Corporal Brian Buesing. Second Lieutenant Fred Pokorney laydead in themiddleof the road several feetaway.ThreeotherMarinesweregravelyinjuredbytheblast.A moment later, a second tremendous explosion occurred, killing

Corporal Kemaphoom Chanawongse, a Thai immigrant, as he wasbringingammunitiontoresupplyJordan’smortarsquad,andwoundinganotherMarine.Hundredsofbulletsthenbegantoimpacttheearthatafantasticrate,followedmanysecondslaterbyaweirdscreechingnoiselikea“badassblender,”asonegruntdescribed it;anotherMarine saidthesoundremindedhimofa“buzz saw.”Blindinglybrightpyrophoricdecoyflaresdrifteddownfromtheskyinthewakeofthebullets,fizzingand sputtering like Fourth of July fireworks. “It looked like littlesparklersgoingoffabouttwentyfeetintheair,”recalledawitnesswhosurvivedtheattack.TheMarines’senseofalarmwasheightenedbytheircompletebafflement.Onlyoneofthemenonthegroundseemedtohaveanyideawhatwasassaultingthem.“I knew exactly what it was,” said that man, Second Lieutenant

Michael Seely, who had been awarded the Bronze Star and a PurpleHeart in 1991 during the first war with Iraq, and was the company’smost seasoned officer. “I’d been strafed eight times during OperationDesertStormbyanA-10.Iknowexactlywhattheysoundlike.”TheA-10“Warthog”isanAmericanjetaircraftdesignedtodestroytanks.TheMarines of Charlie Company, Seely immediately understood, had beenmistakenfortheenemyandwerebeingattackedbytheU.S.AirForce.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR

ThreecompaniesfromtheFirstBattalion,SecondMarineRegimentwereinvolved in the battle for Nasiriyah on March 23: Alpha, Bravo, andCharlie.AfewmilessouthofwhereCharlieCompanywasgettingshottopieces,theMarinesinAlphaandBravocompanieswerealsofightingfor their lives. Scatteredaround theEuphratesRiverBridgeand to theeastofAmbushAlley, theyweremuchtoopreoccupiedwiththeirownproblems to give any thought to Charlie Company’s predicament.NeitherAlphanorBravoCompanyevenknewwhereCharlieCompanywas, let alone that it was in serious trouble, because radiocommunicationshadcompletelybrokendown.Someradioshadsimplygoneonthefritz,butthemainsourceoftheproblemwasthatmostoftheMarines inNasiriyahhadnever been in combat, andwhen bulletsstartedcuttingtheair,almosteverybodywitharadiobeganfranticallytryingtotalkatthesametime.Severaloverexcitedgruntsinadvertentlythumbed the “talk” buttons on their microphones even when theyweren’tspeaking—aphenomenonknownas“hotmiking”thatinstantlyjammed the entire network, creating radio gridlock that persisted forhours.ManyofBravoCompany’svehicles, including the trac that servedas

Grabowski’smobile commandpost, remained stuck in themud severalblocks east of Ambush Alley. Grabowski had moved slightly farthernorthwithahandfulof tracsandHumvees thatmanaged toavoid thequagmire, but the battalion air officer, Captain A. J. Greene, stayedbehind in the now-immobile commandpost,whichwas receivingRPGandAK-47firefromIraqisonthesurroundingrooftops.ItwasGreene’sjob tosupervise thebattalion’s three forwardaircontrollers,whowerein turn responsible for using their special UHF radios to request airsupport fromanyhelicopters or jets thatmight be in the vicinity, andthentellingthoseaircraftwhattargetstohitwiththeirguns,bombs,andmissiles.Greene’sradios,however,wereworkingonlyintermittently.

The forward air controller assigned to direct aircraft in support ofBravo Companywas Captain Dennis Santare, whowas inside a trac acouple of hundred yards north of Greene’s mired vehicle. Atapproximately1:20p.m.,GreenemanagedtogetabriefcallthroughtoSantare, whose call sign was “Mouth.” “Mouth, I need you to get onguardandgetanyairsupportyoucan,”Greenesaid,andthenhisradiowent dead for the rest of the day. The “guard” frequency to whichGreene referredwas a seldom-used channel set aside for emergencies;the fact that Greene had instructed Santare to use it to request airsupportsuggestedtoSantarethatBravoCompany’ssituationhadturneddire.Santare immediately got on his UHF radio, switched to the guardfrequency, and transmitted, “On guard, on guard, on guard, this isMouth in the vicinity ofAnNasiriyah.We have troops in contact andneedimmediateairsupport.”HereceivedacallbackfromapairofA-10Warthogs thatwerepassing overhead en route fromKuwait’sAl JaberAir Base to Baghdad on a bombing run; the Warthogs immediatelyaborted their scheduled mission and began to circle above Nasiriyah,awaiting instructions from Santare regarding the enemy targets hewantedthemtotakeout.Santarewasaskilled,conscientiousaircontroller,butbecausehewasunabletocommunicatewitheitherGreeneorGrabowski,hewasforcedtomakesomecriticaldecisionsonhisown.Santarebelieved,correctly,that most of the enemy forces were positioned north of the SaddamCanal Bridge, and he worried that the Iraqis were sending downreinforcements fromthisareatoattackBravoCompany.SohetoldtheWarthogstoscantheareanorthofthecanaland“tellmewhatyousee.”ThecallsignsoftheWarthogpilotswere“Gyrate73”and“Gyrate74.”Gyrate 73 reported that he had spotted eight or nine enemy trucksmassingdirectlynorthoftheSaddamCanalBridge,validatingSantare’sfears about an imminent attack on Bravo Company. While they wereobserving these vehicles throughbinoculars froman altitude of fifteenthousand feet, the Warthog pilots saw two Marine Cobra attackhelicopters fly near the area, after which one of the enemy trucksappeared to burst into flames, creating an immense plume of blacksmoke,leadingtheWarthogpilotstoconcludethatthevehiclehadbeen

hitbyoneoftheCobras.Unbeknownst to the Warthog pilots or Santare, the burning “Iraqitruck”wasactuallyCharlieCompany’stracC211,whichhadjustcometo a stop north of the bridge after being hit with Iraqi RPGs. To theWarthog pilots, who believed the vehicle had been hit by AmericanCobras,thefactthatitwasburningseemedtoconfirmthatitwasIraqi,and they used the column of smoke rising from C211 as a point ofreference for attacking their targets. Before they fired a single shot ordropped any bombs, however, the Warthogs wanted to be absolutelysurethatthevehiclestheysawnorthoftheSaddamCanalBridgewereenemyforces,ratherthanAmerican,soforthenextfifteenminutestheyconferredwithSantareabouttheexactlocationsoftheMarinepositions.Accordingtotheoriginalbattleplan,formulatedbeforetheirvehicleshadbecomeboggeddowninsewage,BravoCompanywassupposed tolead theassaulton theSaddamCanalBridge,whichcausedSantare tomistakenly assume that Charlie Company was still behind BravoCompany,fartothesouth,probablymiredinsludgesomewhereaswell.Santare checked with the Bravo Company commander, Captain TimNewland,whoconfirmedthatBravoCompanywas“theleadtrace”andthat no Marines had advanced north of the Saddam Canal. SantarethereforeassuredtheWarthogs,repeatedly,thattherewerenoAmericanforces north of that easily recognizablewaterway. “Noone is north ofthe3–8grid,”he toldGyrate73. “Thereareno friendliesnorthof thecanal.”When thepilots then requested clearance to fireon the “Iraqi”vehicles,Santaretoldthemtheyhadpermissiontolightuptheirtargets.Thetimewasapproximately1:40p.m.A few minutes before Santare cleared the Warthogs to attack thevehicles by the Saddam Canal Bridge, Charlie Company’s commander,CaptainDanWittnam,managed to get a brief, garbled call through toGrabowski, the commander of First Battalion, during which he said,“CharlieCompanyhasseizedthenorthernbridge…andwearehalting.”Healso toldGrabowski that oneofhis tracshadbeenhit and thathehadcasualties.Overjoyedthatthe176meninWittnam’scompanyhadtaken the Saddam Canal Bridge and moved north of it so quickly,Grabowski slammed his fist down onto the hood of his Humvee incelebrationandthenradioedheadquarterstotellhissuperiorsthegood

news.AtthetimeGrabowskilearnedthatCharlieCompanywasnorthofthe

SaddamCanal,SantarewastalkingtotheWarthogpilotsfromthehatchofa trac thatwaswithinastone’s throwof thebattalioncommander’sHumvee.Becauseoftheongoingradiogridlock,however,Santareneverreceived the news about Charlie Company’s position, nor did he callGrabowski to lethimknow thatAirForce jetswere circlingabove thebattlefield,abouttocommencetheirattack.Inorder tocommunicatewiththeWarthogs,Santarehadtostandin

thehatchofhistrac,exposedtoenemyfire,andbalancehisbulkyUHFradioonthevehicle’sroof.TwomilessouthoftheSaddamCanalBridge,he could catch occasional glimpses of the Warthogs, but couldn’t seetheir targets, so he’d given the pilots permission to attack targetsaccordingtotheirowndiscretionwithinawell-definedgeographicarea—conditionsdesignatedType3closeairsupport,orType3CAS.Twoweeks earlier, however, before the start of thewar, Grabowski

hadissuedawrittenorderstatingthatforwardaircontrollerscouldgiveaircraftclearancetoattackonlyifthecontrollerwasabletoseeboththeaircraft and the targetwith his own eyes, conditions known as Type 1CAS. “We will not authorize Type 3 CAS,” Grabowski decreed in theorder, “unless approved by the Battalion Commander”—that is, byGrabowskihimself.Heissuedtheorderspecificallytopreventfriendly-firemishaps.When he gave the Warthogs a green light to attack without first

gettingauthorizationfromGrabowski,Santarewasthereforeinviolationof the battalion commander’s orders, and he knew it. As he laterexplainedtotheFriendlyFireInvestigationBoardconvenedtoexaminethe incident, “Marines were in extremis and I made a time-criticaldecision….I…didnotthinktherewastimetofindaclearchanneltotheBattalionCommandertoexplainthesituation,thenaskforapprovalforthefires….BasedontheinformationIhadatthetime,Ibelievedmycompanywasminutesaway fromtheanvilofamechanizedambush. IfeltthatifIdidnotact,Marineswoulddie.”

UpongettingclearancefromSantaretoengage,Gyrate74rolledinhot

onhisfirsttarget,apairofAmericantracsontheeastsideoftheroadjustnorthofthecolumnofsmoke,anddroppedtwofive-hundred-poundMK82bombsonthem.Assoonasheletthebombsgo,Gyrate74pulledoff,allowingGyrate73tosweepintopositionanddropathirdbombonsomeothertracssouthofthesmokeplume.At the time, few, if any, of the Marines on the ground knew theWarthogswereoverhead.According to amemorandum later issuedbytheFriendlyFire InvestigationBoard, “Theboardbelieves thatCharlieCompanyMarinesmistookthefirst3MK82LDbombsdroppedbyGyrateflightasartilleryfire.”Althoughtheevidenceisnotconclusive,acarefulreading of the board’s full report, augmented by independentlypublished interviews with Charlie Company personnel, leaves littledoubtthatthesefirstthreebombskilledChanawongse,Buesing,Jordan,andPokorneyandwoundedfourotherMarines.OverthenexttwentyorthirtyminuteseachWarthogmadefivepassesover the American vehicles, targeting themwith a total of eight five-hundred-poundbombsandthreeMaverickmissiles,aswellasrepeatedlystrafing them with huge Gatling guns mounted in the nose of eachairplane. Although the missiles ended up killing a greater number ofMarines,itwastheseGAU-8/AAvengercannonsthatinducedthemostpanic and terror among the grunts. The Avenger is the largest, mostpowerfulaircraftcannonintheAmericanarsenal,anditfiresbulletsthesizeofRedBullcansfromsevenspinningbarrels.Milledfromdepleteduranium,thebulletsaredesignedtopiercethesteelarmorontanks,andare shot from theWarthogs’ cannons at a rate of sixty-five roundspersecond.When theWarthogs aimed their guns at Charlie Company, theroundstorethroughthetracs’aluminumarmorasiftheyweremadeofpaper.Many seconds after the bullets arrived came the screech of thefuriouslywhirlingbarrelsthatdeliveredthem.It was the distinctive, terrifying noise of the Warthogs’ spinningcannons that first alerted the Marines on the ground that they werebeingattackedby“friendlies,”leavingthemincredulous.ThatAmericanaviators could mistake their ugly, utterly unique amtracs for Iraqivehicles seemed impossible. In desperation the Marines shot offnumerousredandgreenstar-clusterflares.WilliamSchaeferevenpulledout a three-foot-by-five-foot American flag mounted on an aluminum

poleandjammeditintoasmokelauncherontheturretoftracC201tomake the Air Force pilots realize they were massacring fellowAmericans,butalltheseeffortswereinvain.After theWarthogsmade approximately eight strafing and bombing

runsontheMarinesnorthoftheSaddamCanalBridge,Santare,parkedtwomilestothesouth,cameontheradiotocongratulatethepilotsfortheeffectivenessoftheirattack:“Hey,you’reputtingsmilesontheguys’facesdownhere.”AndthenhesenttheWarthogsaboutamilenorthtocheckoutasuspectedenemycompound.Bynowthe jets’ five-hundred-poundbombsanduraniumbulletshad

killedtwomoreMarines:PrivateFirstClassDavidFribleyandCorporalRandalRosacker.ButGyrate73andGyrate74hadn’tfinished.Findingnothingofinterestontheirflightnorth,theWarthogsreturned,atwhichtimetheysawfivetracsmovingrapidlysouthtowardtheSaddamCanalBridge.BelievingthatthemachineswereIraqitrucksboundforAmbushAlleytoattackBravoCompany,Gyrate73gotontheradioandinformedSantare, “Hey, you’ve got vehicles from the northern targetsector…progressingintothecity.”“Thosevehiclesmustnotget intothecity,”Santarereplied.Thefive

vehicles heading toward the bridgeweren’t Iraqi, however. TheywereAmerican tracspackedwithwoundedMarinesmaking adesperate runsouthtoescapethekillzoneandevacuatetheinjuredbeforetheybledtodeath.ThefirstvehicleacrossthebridgewastracC208,commandedbyCorporalNickElliottanddrivenbyLanceCorporalNoelTrevino.Inthe rear troop compartment were boxes of mortar rounds and tenMarines,severalofwhomwerebadlywounded.C208wasfollowedbyC201andthenC206.Asthetracsspedacross

the bridge at forty miles per hour, Gyrate 74 strafed them with hiscannon,hittingallthreebutfailingtostopthem.HethereforeflewbackaroundandfiredaMaverickmissileattheleadvehicle,butitovershotC208anddetonatedharmlesslybeyond.Although most of the men of Charlie Company understood by now

they had been strafed by one or more American A-10 jets, they stilldidn’t realize that the Warthogs were also targeting them with five-hundred-poundbombsandMaverickanti-tankmissiles.AfterGyrate74’s

missilejustmissedC208,Gyrate73rolledintoattackposition,gotalockon the same trac,and lethis firstMaverickgo.WhenC208wasabout150 yards past the bridge, themissile struck the left side of the trac’stroopcompartmentanddetonated.TracC201,drivenbyEdwardCastleberry,wasfiftyfeetbehindC208

whenthemissilehit.“Isawawhiteflashandthetracflewafootandahalf off the ground,” he testified to the investigating board. “The sideblew out. Everyone in the back blew out of it.” Blood spatteredCastleberry’s windscreen. Body parts were hurled in all directions.Castleberry swerved right to avoid hitting the flaming shell of C208,then swerved back left to try to keep the trac on the road, but thesteeringwouldn’trespond.DuringGyrate74’sstrafingrun,thevehicle’stransmissionoilcoolerhadbeenhitwitha30-millimeteruraniumroundand the hydraulic fluid leaked out, causing the trac to crash into atelephonepoleinfrontofatwo-storycinder-blockhome.AstheMarinesscrambled out of the wrecked vehicle and ran inside the building forcover,Iraqisstartedshootingatthemfromacrossthestreet.WhenCastleberryhaddrivenpast theburningwreckageofC208,he

wascertainalltwelvemeninsidemustbedead.Tenofthemwere.*Buttherewasanaluminumbulkheadbetween the troopcompartmentandthefrontpartofthetracwhereElliottandTrevinohadbeensitting,anditshieldedthemfromtheworstofthemissile’sblast.Trevinohadbeentemporarilyblinded.Elliott’s lungshadbeenseared,hisfacewasbadlyburned, and shrapnel had torn a large chunk from his right leg. Bothmenwerestillalive,however.Theycrawledoutof theflamingvehicleasboxesofammunitioninsideitbegandetonatingfromtheintenseheat,got to their feet, and helped each other stagger seventy yards downAmbush Alley to the house where the Marines from C201 had takenrefuge.Gyrate 74, meanwhile, had wheeled around for another run at the

vehicles and targeted trac C206, which had followed C201 across thebridgeandwasnow250yardssouthofSaddamCanal, speedingdownAmbush Alley. Bearing down from the northwest, the pilot locked hisremainingmissileonC206.“FiredtheMaverickonthatone,”Gyrate74testified,“andithitanddestroyedthevehicle.”Themissiledetonatedasitclippedthebackofthetrac,blowingopen

its six-foot-by-five-foot rear ramp and causing a section of the roof todrop into the troop compartment where two wounded Marines wereslumped,SergeantMichaelBitzandLanceCorporalThomasSlocum.Theexplosion set the tracon fireandkilledat leastoneof thesemen,butdidn’tactuallydestroythevehicle,orevenstopit.AsaC206crewmanlater testified, “We got hitwith something hardwhich killed SergeantBitz.Thetrackeptmovingandstoppedrightbeforethesouthbridge.”Withitsrearrampdraggingonthepavement,throwingoffsparks,andblacksmokebillowingfromitswide-openbackend,C206keptlimpingforward until it was at the southern end of Ambush Alley, where itfinally sputtered to a halt not far from where the Marines of AlphaCompanywereengagedinanintensefirefightoftheirownjustnorthoftheEuphratesRiver.Assoonas the tracstoppedmoving, Iraqi fighterstargeted it with RPGs and machine gun fire. Ignoring the incomingrounds,gruntsfromAlphaCompanyrushedtothedestroyedvehicleandfranticallybeganpullingdazedsurvivorsfromthewreckage,savingsixmen,buttheyweretoolatetodoanythingforBitzandSlocum.After seeing their missiles hit C208 and C206, both Warthogscontinued tocirclenorthofSaddamCanal, searching formore targets.Spyinganundamagedvehicleparkedontheeastsideoftheroad,Gyrate73 locked on to C204 and was within moments of firing his lastMaverickwhenheheardSantareshoutintotheradio,“Checkfire!”Thepilotabortedhisattack,pulledup,andasked,“What’sgoingon?”Santare replied, “Hey,we thinkwemight have had a Blue onBlue,someguysupbytheriver,butwe’renotsure.Noonereallyknows.”LieutenantMichaelSeely,itturnedout,hadfinallygottenaradiocallthroughtoGrabowski.WhenSeely, theveteranMarinewho’dsurvivedbeingstrafedbyanAirForceWarthogtwelveyearsearlier,realizedthesame nightmarewas recurring, he hurried to find a functioning radio,punched in the battalion commander’s frequency, and started calling,“Checkfire!Checkfire!Checkfire!”AccordingtoSeely,“Soonafterthat,withinacoupleofminutes I’msure—seemedlike forever—thefriendlyfiredidcease.”NotlongaftertheWarthogshaltedtheirattackanddepartedfortheirbase in Kuwait, two of the Abrams tanks that had been diverted to

rescue the survivors of the Lynch convoy finally showed up, quicklytipping the advantage toCharlieCompany.By sunset the firefightwasover, and theMarines held both of the Nasiriyah bridges they’d beentoldtoseize—butatacostofeighteendeadMarines,atleastseventeenofwhomwere killedby friendly fire.Another seventeenMarines fromCharlieCompanywerewounded,somegravely.Thetragedywascausedbyaclassicsnafu—whichisaparticularlyaptacronym. Originally coined by soldiers in the 1940s, it stands for“situation normal: all fucked up.” Chaos is indeed the normal state ofaffairsonthebattleground,andnoarmyhasfiguredoutawaytoplaneffectively for, let alone alleviate, the so-called fog of war. When themilitary is confronted with the fratricidal carnage that predictablyresults, denial and dissembling are its time-honored responses of firstresort.

* The missile killed Lance Corporal Thomas A. Blair, Private First Class Tamario D. Burkett,Lance Corporal Donald J. Cline Jr., Corporal Jose A. Garibay, Private Jonathan L. Gifford,Corporal Jorge A. Gonzalez, Private Nolen R. Hutchings, Lance Corporal Patrick R. Nixon,SergeantBrendonReiss,andLanceCorporalMichaelJ.Williams.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE

On March 28, 2003, General Tommy Franks ordered an inquiry intowhatcausedthecasualtiesinNasiriyah,aswasrequiredbyDepartmentof Defense regulations for all incidents of friendly fire. By doing so,Franks enabled theArmy’s informationmanagers to reply to questionsfrom reporters with their standard gambit: earnest assurances that athorough investigation was under way, and until it was completed, itwouldbeirresponsibletospeculateorcommentfurther.The investigation, headed by the Air Force general William F.

Hodgkins,was completed exactly one year after itwas convened. Likemost friendly-fire investigations, itwasdonemoreor lessaccording toregulations, but with no enthusiasm for determining what reallyhappened, orwho shouldbeheld accountable. Important eyewitnesseswere never interviewed. Video shot from the cockpits of the A-10Warthogsrecordedeverysecondoftheattack,butthevideotapeswentmissingsoonaftertheincident.ThepilotsknownasGyrate73andGyrate74eachheld the rankof

major in the Twenty-third Air Expeditionary Wing, Pennsylvania AirNational Guard. Both men had watched the tapes with intelligenceofficersafterreturningtotheirbase.Gyrate73thenturnedhistapeovertotheofficerwhodebriefedhim,

andthetapevanished,nevertobeseenagain.Afterwatchinghistape,Gyrate74explained,“IaskedIntel,‘CanIkeepthisandturnitinlater?I’d like to look at this tape later on.’ ” He was allowed to take it,whereupon he “mistakenly” inserted the tape into the cockpit videocameraandrecordedover it,erasingit.Thetwomostcrucialpiecesofevidencewere therebydestroyed.Nobodyevermadeany realeffort todetermine what actually happened to the tapes, and no one wasdisciplinedinanywayforthelossofthiskeyevidence.Despitethedestructionofthecockpittapesandothershortcomingsof

the investigation, the available facts clearly indicate that at leastseventeen of the deaths were the result of fratricide. When GeneralHodgkins’sinvestigatingboardreleaseditsreport,however,itrefusedtoacknowledgethatanyofthedeathswereattributabletofriendlyfire.OnMarch 29, 2004, in a press release announcing the completion of theinvestigation, U.S. Central Command summarized the board’sconclusionsthus:

Atotalof18Marineswerekilledand17werewounded.Eightof thedeathswereverified as the result of enemy fire; of theremaining 10 Marines killed, investigators were unable todeterminethecauseofdeathastheMarineswerealsoengagedinheavyfightingwiththeenemyatthetimeoftheincident.Ofthe17wounded,onlyonewasconclusivelydeterminedtohave been hit by friendly fire. Three Marines were woundedwhile inside vehicles that received both friendly and hostilefire,and theexact sequenceandsourceof their injuriescouldnotbedetermined.

The brazenness of the board’s dishonesty was breathtaking. Butmendacityofthissort, it turnsout, iscommoninsuchinquiries.Whenthe military convenes a friendly-fire investigation board, theorganization responsible for the incident is called upon to investigateitself, so therearepowerful incentives,both institutionalandpersonal,toassignminimalblame.Althoughtheinvestigatingbodytypicallygoeselaborately through themotions of unearthing the facts, seldom is thetruth pursued with the zeal demonstrated by, say, the NationalTransportation Safety Board when it investigates commercial aviationdisasters. Military investigations of friendly-fire incidents have a well-documentedhistoryofobscuringthetruthmoreoftenthanrevealingit.Iffratricideisanuntowardbutinevitableaspectofwarfare,so,too,isthetendencybymilitarycommanderstosweepsuchtragediesundertherug. It’s part of a larger pattern: the temptation among generals andpoliticians to control how the press portrays theirmilitary campaigns,which all too often leads them to misrepresent the truth in order tobolster public support for the war of the moment. The fact that the

UnitedStateshasusedmisinformationtopromotethewarsinIraqandAfghanistanisnotterriblysurprising,therefore.Whatisalarmingisthescale and sophistication of these recent propaganda efforts, and theunabashedness of their executors. The Bush administration took theruthless stratagems developed by Karl Rove to impugn its politicalopponents—stratagems that relied heavily on managing publicperception bymeans of deceit—and used them to promote the GlobalWaronTerror,anamethatwasitselfdeliberatelyintendedtohelpsellthewarsinIraqandAfghanistan.In October 2001, the Department of Defense established theclandestine Office of Strategic Influence specifically to dupeinternational news organizations into running false stories that wouldbuildsupportforwar.WhentheNewYorkTimesrevealedtheexistenceofthisprograminFebruary2002,publicclamorforcedDonaldRumsfeldtoofficiallykill it.But inNovemberof thatyearheadmittedduringapressbriefing,withoutapology,thathehadkilleditinnameonly:

AndthentherewastheOfficeofStrategicInfluence.Youmayrecall that. And “Ohmy goodness gracious isn’t that terrible,HennyPenny the sky is going to fall.” Iwentdown thatnextdayandsaid,“Fine. Ifyouwant to savage this thing, fine: I’llgiveyouthecorpse.There’sthename.Youcanhavethename,but I’m gonna keepdoing every single thing that needs to bedone.”AndIhave.

It is now widely understood that the administration presentedfraudulentevidenceasfactinordertocreatepublicsupportforinvadingIraq in advance of the war.Much less attention has been paid to theadministration’s use of misinformation on an even grander scale topromote thewar in theyears following the invasion. InJanuary2003,theWhiteHousecreated theOfficeofGlobalCommunications,a$200million program to manipulate public opinion about the coming war,andinstalledJimWilkinsontooverseeitsoperationsinthePersianGulf.According to an article by James Bamford in theNovember 17, 2005,issueofRollingStone,

As the war in Iraq has spiraled out of control, the Bush

administration’s covert propaganda campaign has intensified.According toa secretPentagon reportpersonally approvedbyRumsfeld in October 2003 and obtained byRolling Stone, theStrategic Command is authorized to engage in “militarydeception”—defined as “presenting false information, images,orstatements.”

“Never before in history,” Bamford observed, “had such an extensivesecretnetworkbeenestablishedtoshapetheentireworld’sperceptionofawar.”

March23,2003,thefourthdayoftheIraqWar,hadnotbeenpropitiousforthe“CoalitionoftheWilling”—thedisingenuoussloganadvancedbytheWhite House to suggest that the invasion had broad internationalsupport. Between the Marine casualties and the eleven Army soldiersfromJessicaLynch’sconvoywhowerelost,twenty-ninemembersoftheAmericanmilitarydiedinNasiriyah.Anothersix,includingLynch,weretaken captive. Before the day was out, Baghdad television beganbroadcasting footage of a smiling Iraqi displaying the bodies of foursoldiers from Lynch’s convoy, twisting the face of one Americangrotesquely toward the camera in order to showoff thewoundwherethevictimhadbeenshotbetweentheeyes.U.S.CentralCommand(CENTCOM)endeavoredtosquelchasmuchof

the bad news as it could, and to a remarkable degree it succeeded.InitiallythenewsmediamadenomentionofdeathsfromfriendlyfireinNasiriyah. The scant information about the battle that was released,moreover,wassodistorted that itbore little relation toreality.DuringCENT-COM’sdailynewsbriefingontheeveningofMarch23,BrigadierGeneral Vincent Brooks blamed the stunning losses suffered by theMarines on the perfidy of Iraqis: “As coalition forces continued theirattack north of An Nasiriyah, they encountered forces showing everysign of surrender.As our forcesmoved to receive this surrender in anhonorableway,theywereattackedandsustainedcasualties.”Althoughthisstatementwasadeliberatefabrication,onthefollowing

day a number of American media outlets presented it as fact, as JimWilkinson had no doubt intended. On March 24, for example, the

AssociatedPressandFoxNewsreported,

Marines[inNasiriyah]encounteredIraqitroopswhoappearedto be surrendering. Instead, they attacked. The Americanstriumphed, knocking out eight tanks, some antiaircraftbatteries, some artillery and infantry, [General John] Abizaidsaid.Butvictorycameatacost:asmanyasninedeadandanundisclosednumberofwounded.

A Hartford, Connecticut, television station, NBC 30, broadcast aninterview with Amanda Jordan, the widow of Staff Sergeant PhillipJordan,whowaskilledbyabombdroppedfromanAmericanWarthog.Having been led to believe that her husband was dead because theenemy had feigned surrender, she lashed out at the Iraqis. “There arerulesofwar,”Mrs.Jordansaidangrily,“andthoseruleswerebroken….They’resayinghewaskilledinaction,butformeit’sreallymurder.”Acalamitous fiasco thatmighthaveundercut thepublic’senthusiasm forthewarwas thus transformed intoanopportunity to fan the flamesofhatredagainstSaddamandhisforces.In his opening remarks at a Pentagon press briefing on March 25,RumsfeldcontinuedtopitchthefraudulentstoryaboutIraqispretendingtosurrender:In recent days, the world has witnessed further evidence of theirbrutalityandtheirdisregardforthelawsofwar….

Theregimehascommittedactsoftreacheryonthebattlefield,dressingtheir forcesas liberatedciviliansandsendingsoldiersoutwavingwhiteflagsandfeigningsurrender,withthegoalofdrawingcoalitionforcesintotheambushes.

Byofferingsuchpropagandatocredulousreporters,Wilkinson’sOfficeofGlobalCommunicationssucceededinforestallingnewsreportsaboutfriendlyfireandotherdisturbingaspectsofthebattleforNasiriyah,butthecityremainedbeyondthecontrolofAmericanforces.Thousandsofenemy fighters were still moving freely through the streets, andFedayeen guerrillas continued to skirmish with Marines who weresecuring the two bridges they had captured at such great cost. As the

week dragged on, the Coalition of the Willing suffered furtherdiscouraging setbacks, and thebadnewsbecameharder andharder tocontain.ReportscametolightthatintheearlyhoursofMarch23,aRoyalAir

ForceTornadoGR4jetbomberhadbeenshotdownbyaPatriotmissilefiredinerrorbytheU.S.Army,killingtheairplane’sBritishpilotandhisnavigator.OnthenightofMarch24,anAbramstankplungedoffabridgeinto

the Euphrates River on the west side of Nasiriyah, drowning StaffSergeantDonaldMay, Lance Corporal PatrickO’Day, and Private FirstClassFranciscoMartinez-Flores.OnMarch26,a firefightbrokeoutat the intersectionwhereLynch’s

convoyhadmadeitsfatefulwrongturnthreedaysearlier.Intheensuingconfusion, one Marine unit attacked another Marine unit, woundingthirty-seven Americans, some critically, and two of their Kuwaitiinterpreters.OnMarch27,aU.S.AirForceWarthogmistakenlyattackedaBritish

convoyofScimitarlighttanksoutsideBasra,seventy-fivemilessoutheastofNasiriyah,eventhoughoneofthetankswasdisplayingaUnionJackand all of the vehicles were marked with fluorescent orange panelsintendedtoidentifythemascoalitionforces.DuringtheAmericanjet’stwostrafingruns,uraniumroundsfiredfromitsnosecannonpiercedthearmoron twoof the tanks,and theyexploded into flames.Onesoldierwaskilled,andthreewereseriouslyinjured.Inthisinstance,becausethewounded soldierswere British,Wilkinsonwasn’t able tomuzzle them.Quoted in the British press, one of the furious victims accused theAmerican pilot of being a “cowboy” who’d “gone out on a jolly” andshowed“noregardforhumanlife.”Bytheendoftheweek,theWhiteHousewasdesperateforsomegood

news to feed to the swarmof journalistswho gathered for daily pressbriefings atCENTCOM’smediaheadquarters inDoha,Qatar.And thenJessicaLynchturnedup,asifinanswertoWilkinson’sprayers.

Several Iraqis, including Mohammed Odeh al-Rehaief, had contactedAmerican military personnel to report that Lynch was being held at

Saddam Hussein General Hospital. Iraqi Army and Fedayeen fighterswere still operating out of thehospital, but asAmerican forces gainedcontrol throughoutNasiriyah, the Iraqimilitarypresenceat the facilityrapidlydiminished.BytheendofMarch,thelastoftheIraqicombatantshadvanishedfromthehospitalandfledthecity.TheIraqistaffatthehospitaltreatedLynchwell,accordingtodoctors

and nurses interviewed by the British newspaper the Guardian. Dr.Harithal-Houssona,oneofthephysicianswhosupervisedhercare,saidthat hospital personnel even donated two pints of their own blood togiveher.OnMarch30,al-HoussonaactuallyputLynchinanambulanceandinstructedthedrivertodropheroffatanearbyAmericanmilitarycheckpoint,butMarinesshotattheambulanceasitapproached,forcingittoturnaroundandtakeLynchbacktotheIraqihospital.By that time preparations to rescue Lynchwere already underway.

Approximately a thousand troops had been mobilized, including acontingent from Task Force 20, the most elite Special Operationscommandos in the world, and infantrymen from the Second RangerBattalion. As Pat and Kevin Tillman got ready for the mission, itsmassivescale—unlikeanythingthey’dseensincearrivinginthePersianGulf—puzzledthem.“Weleavetomorrow,”Patwrote inhis journalonMarch 30. “This mission will be a P.O.W. rescue, a woman namedJessicaLynch.AsawfulasIfeelforthefearshemustface,andadmirethecourageI’msuresheisshowing,IdobelievethistobeabigPublicRelations stunt. Do not mistake me, I wish everyone in trouble to berescued,butsendingthismanyfolksinfora[singlelow-rankingsoldier]screamsofmediablitz. Inanycase, I’mglad tobeable todomypartandIhopewebringherhomesafe.”CENTCOM can’t be faulted for committing so many troops to the

operation.InformationprovidedbytheCIAandmilitaryintelligencehadbeenextremelyunreliable.AweekearliertheMarineshadbeenassuredthat taking the Nasiriyah bridges would be no big deal, only to findthemselvesinadesperatebattlewithalargenumberofverymotivatedenemy fighters. But Pat’s suspicions about the Lynch rescuewerewellfounded.Theresourcesdevotedtothemissionwereastonishingbyanymeasure,andhadbeenputinplaceprimarilytoensurethatitwouldbea public relations jackpot for those promoting thewar. At least seven

other American servicemen and servicewomen were also being heldcaptiveinIraqatthattime,includingfivesoldiersfromLynch’sconvoy;yet almostnothing at allwasbeingdone to find and rescue these lessmarketableprisonersofwar.AftertheRangerswereinitiallytoldthatthemissiontorescueLynchwould takeplaceonMarch31, itwaspushedback twenty-fourhours.Congressman HenryWaxman later alleged thatWilkinson delayed themissiontoallowaSpecialOperationsvideocrewtoshoottherescueforthenewsmedia.Althoughtheseallegationshavenotbeensubstantiated,there is no question that Wilkinson was intimately involved withplanning themission,or that itwasexpertlydocumentedbya combatcameracrewfromtheFourthPsychologicalOperationsGroup includedsolelyforthatpurpose.When it finally got under way, the rescue was flawlessly executed.Although the rescue team was targeted with small-arms fire as itapproachedthehospitalinsixhelicopters,theshootingwaslightandnoaircraftwerehit.TenminutesaftertheSpecialOperationsteamlanded,they’d retrievedLynch, carriedheroutof thehospital, and loadedherintoawaitingBlackHawk.Assoonas thehelicopterwassafely in theair,thefirstpersontobenotifiedwasWilkinson,followedimmediatelythereafter by CENTCOM media wrangler General Vincent Brooks,PresidentBush,VicePresidentCheney,andDefenseSecretaryRumsfeld.Within three hours, a five-minute video of the rescue, carefully editedfordramaticeffect,wasmadeavailabletotelevisioncorrespondentsandprintreportersinQatar,whoweresummonedtotheDohamediacenterintheweehoursofthemorningtoreceivethegoodnews.Havingprovided reporterswith spurious intelligence reports tohypethestoryandensurethatLynch’ssagawouldblowthesocksoffthefolksback home,Wilkinsonwas eager to get his product into the hands ofconsumers at the earliest opportunity. The sooner “Saving PrivateLynch”wason the frontpageofnewspapers, the coversofmagazines,andtheeveningnews,thesoonertherecentspateofdepressingeventswouldberelegatedtotheshadows.Overtheweeksandmonthsthatfollowed,theschemeplayedoutjustasWilkinsonhopeditwould.MorethansixhundredstoriesaboutLynchappearedinallmannerofmedia,includingarushed-into-printbookthat

debutedatnumberoneontheNewYorkTimesnonfictionbest-sellerlistand a made-for-television movie, Saving Jessica Lynch, scheduled toattract the largest possible audience during an important networksweepsmonth. EventuallyWilkinson’s rendering of Lynch’s ordealwasexposedaspropaganda,butbythenithadalreadyaccomplishedwhatitwas meant to accomplish: covering up the truth in order to maintainsupport for the president’s policies. To this day, very few Americanshave any inkling that seventeen U.S. Marines were killed by U.S. AirForcejetsonthefourthdayoftheIraqWar.TheJessicaLynchhoaxworkedsowell,infact,thattheWhiteHousewould recycle the same tactic thirteen months later, almost move formove, when it was confronted with another series of potentiallydisastrous revelations. Just as before, a fictitious story about a valiantAmericansoldierwouldbefedtothemediainordertodivertattentionfromarashofdisquietingnews.Onthisoccasion,however,thesoldiercast as the hero of the fable would be a professional football playerwhosesenseofdutyhadinspiredhimtoenlistintheRangersafter9/11.

CHAPTERTWENTY-SIX

OnApril9,2003,sevendaysafterJessicaLynchwasflowntosafety,PatandKevin Tillmanwere helicoptered to Baghdad International AirportwiththeirRangercohort,wheretheytookupresidence inacavernousaircraft hangar. As they arrived, Marines were attaching a cable to aforty-foot statue of Saddam Hussein in Al-Firdos Square, twelve milesawayinthecenterofBaghdad,preparingtopullitdownforagaggleofphotographers and television crews who had flocked to the scene torecord the symbolic moment for posterity. A few hours earlier, thecapital had officially fallen to American forces. A few hours later, anorgyofunrestrained lootingwould commence throughout the city andcontinueformanydays.TheTillmansremainedinBaghdadforthenextfiveweeks.Despitethe

turmoil erupting all around them, their staywas relatively uneventful.Pat firedhisweapononlyonce, onApril 21. “Don’t get too excitedorupset,”hewroteinhisjournal,“theywereonlywarningshotstokeepacoupleofcarsfromgettingcloserandnoharmwasdone.”Theirdutiesallowedplentyof time forconversation. “PatandKevin

werealwaystalking,”recallsRussellBaer,ayoungRangerwhogrewupinLivermore,California,thirty-fivemilesnorthofNewAlmaden.“Theyspent as much time together as they possibly could. They seemed tohavean incrediblyrarebond.”TheTillmanbrotherswelcomedanyoneto join their conversations, however. “Pat was nonjudgmental,” Baeremphasizes. “Hewas interested even in themost idiotic person in thegroup.Hegenuinelywantedtofindoutwhattheywereabout.Hewouldchallengethemtoexplainthemselves,andsomeofthemwouldmaintaintheir idiocyandbringnothing to the table,butPatwouldalwaysstartoutbygivingthemthebenefitofthedoubt.“IwasfriendswithKevinbeforeIwasfriendswithPat,”saysBaer,a

well-readautodidactwitheclectictaste.“IwasreadingNoamChomsky’s

PropagandaandthePublicMindandPlato’sRepublic.Kevinhadreadstuffbyboth thesewriters—he’dbeenaphilosophymajor incollege.Sowegotintoadiscussionaboutliterature,whichledtofurtherconversationsthatincludedPat.Itwasgreat.IfinallyhadpeopleIcouldtalkto.“Patwasaseriouslistener.Hewasoneofthefirstpeoplewhoreallychallenged my ideas: ‘Do you really believe that? Why? Don’t accepteverythingyouread.Youshouldquestionitall,takewhatmakessense,and throw away the rest.’ He was constantly asking, ‘Did you everconsiderthis?Whataboutthat?’HechangedthewayIthought.”During his stint in the Army, Pat had no trouble establishingmeaningful friendships with individuals who didn’t share his opinionsaboutpoliticsor religion—whichwas fortunate,because thisdescribedmany of the people he encountered while in uniform. An importantfriendhemetduringOperationIraqiFreedomwasaNavySEALnamedSteveWhitewhose political orientationwasmuch further to the rightthan Pat’s. But White was bright, mature, and fearless, and he hadreached the pinnacle of a demanding, consequential profession; in theworldofSpecialOps,WhitewastheequivalentofanAll-ProcornerbackintheNFL.Patwasdrawntohimimmediately,andtheattractionwasmutual.ThefirsttimeWhiteinvitedPatandKevintotheSEALs’quartersforcoffee, Pat noted in his journal, “For about an hour and a half webullshatwithtenorsoofthebaddestmenonearth….Absolutefuckingchampions.”A couple of days laterhewrote, “Last nightwe againhitthe SEALs’ tent for coffee and conversation…. Steve and I yakked forhours on home, Tahoe, our wives, good eating, all the things I thinkaboutconstantly. Ican’t tellyouhownice it’sbeentohavetheseguysaround…. [They] make all the shit we’ve gone through worthwhile.Theyareexactly the typeofguyswe looked forward tomeetingwhenwedecidedtojoin.”Thereafter,PatandKevinsoughtouttheSEALsforconversation (and, once or twice, an illicit shot of rum) whenevercircumstancesallowed.WhenPatandKevinwentoutonpatrolsfromtheirbaseattheairport,bothofthemfoundthecitytobefascinatingandexotic.Butafterafewweeksofkickingdowndoors,arrestingordinary Iraqis forquestioning,and searching for nonexistent WMD,* the pointlessness and boredom

began to grind themdown, especiallyPat.Then, on thenight ofApril29–30, four Delta Force operators were shot while on a mission tocapturea“high-valuetarget,”andPathelpedcarryoneofthewoundedsoldiersinfromthemedevachelicoptertoreceivetreatment.“ThemanIwascarryinghadbeenshotintheabdomen,”hewrote.“AtthispointinthegameIwasquitesurprisedtoseeanyoneshot….Thedangerseemedminimal.Itgoestoshowyouneverknow.”Aday later, from thedeckof anaircraft carrieroff the coastof SanDiego, beneath a giant banner proclaiming “Mission Accomplished,”PresidentBushannounced“theendofmajorcombatoperationsinIraq.”Pat’s journal entries expressed growing frustration. He admitted tobouts of depression, as well as disillusionment with some of hissuperiors:“We’vehadleaderstellingguystoshootinnocentpeopleonlytobeignoredbyprivateswithcoolerheads….Itseemstheirbattlefieldsenseislessthanideal.Giventhestressofasituation,Iabsolutelywilllistentomyinstinctsbeforedivingheadfirstintoanyhalf-bakedschemeof theirs. Perhaps this is not the ‘military right,’ however these pastcoupleofmonthshavesuggestedit’snecessary.”During their free time, Pat, Kevin, Russell Baer, and Jade Lane, theplatoon radio operator, sometimes discussed the geopoliticalramifications of Operation Iraqi Freedom, which increasingly struckthem as an imperial folly that was doing long-term damage to U.S.interests.Forsoldierstoopenlycriticizethewarwasexceedinglyrareatthetime.AGalluppollconductedinMay2003indicatedthat79percentofAmericansbelieved the Iraqwarwas“justified”;amongmembersofthemilitary,supportforthewarprobablyexceeded95percent.FortheTillmanbrotherstodenouncethewarwhileonactivedutyinIraqwouldnodoubthavestruckmanyAmericansastreasonous.ButPatandKevinhadbeenraisedtospeaktheirminds,sospeaktheydid.The Tillman brothers lamented how easy it had been for Bush,Cheney, and Rumsfeld to bully Secretary of State Colin Powell, bothhousesofCongress, and thevastmajorityof theAmericanpeople intoendorsingtheinvasionofIraq.ButPatandKevinwerenotparticularlysurprised. Their paternal grandfather and two of his brothers wereserving in the Navy at Pearl Harbor during the devastating Japaneseattackof1941.Theirmaternalgrandfatherhadexperiencedcombatasa

Marine in the Korean War. One of their uncles had enlisted in theMarines upon graduating from high school and had been stationed inOkinawaduringthewarinVietnam.DannieTillmanhadbeenahistorymajorincollege,andwhenhersonsweregrowingup,familydiscussionsoftenturnedtomilitaryhistory.Pat and Kevin were familiar with the words of Hermann Göring,

Hitler’sReichsmarschall,whoin1946,shortlybeforehewassentencedtodeathforcrimesagainsthumanity,notoriouslyobserved:

Naturally, the common people don’t want war; neither inRussia nor in England nor in America, nor for thatmatter inGermany. That is understood. But after all, it’s the leaders ofthecountrywhodeterminethepolicy,andit’salwaysasimplematter to drag the people along whether it’s a democracy, afascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communistdictatorship…. Voice or no voice, the people can always bebroughttothebiddingoftheleaders.Thatiseasy.Allyouhaveto do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce thepacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country togreaterdanger.Itworksthesamewayinanycountry.

If anything, Pat was probably even less pleased than Kevin to findhimself participating in the invasion of Iraq. Although both brotherswereopposedtothewar,Kevinwassingleandnotyetonacareerpathwhen they enlisted, while Pat had walked away from both a devotedwife and an uncommonly satisfying job in order to help defeat thoseresponsible for 9/11. He ached constantly for Marie. A homebody atheartwhowas half theworld away from the home she hadmade forhim, he felt the distance between them acutely. It’s apparent fromhisjournalthatPatwasextremelyunhappytobeservinginIraq,andthatthroughout his tour of duty there he relied on Kevin for emotionalsupportinawaythatheneverhadbefore.Pat hadn’t sacrificed so much in order to sit on the sidelines of a

misguidedwarthathebelievedwasabettingtheenemiesoftheUnitedStates. Paradoxically, though, it’s obvious from his diary that someportion of his unhappiness derived from the fact that he hadn’t

experiencedcombatyet,andconcludedthatheprobablywouldn’tbeforeleavingBaghdad.PartofhisrationaleforbecomingaRangerwastojointhe fight. In addition to feeling a responsibility to helpwith the dirtywork, he wanted to know firsthand what it was like to have peopletryingtheirbesttokillhim,andperhapsberequiredtokillinturn.Hisfeelingsaboutwaringeneral,andthiswarinparticular,wereshapedbycomplicated, emotionally charged, sometimes contradictory notions ofduty,honor, justice,patriotism,andmasculinepride.Hewas thereforemore than a little ambivalent about going home without a CIB: theCombatInfantrymanBadge—aminiaturesilverriflemountedonatwo-inchrectangleofblueenamelframedwithasilveroakwreath,awardedtoinfantrymenwho’dengagedincombat.Despite thedark frameofmindevident inanumberofhisBaghdadjournalentries,onMay2Patwrote,“Youknow,Ihavetoadmit,someofthesekidsaregettingtome.IfindmyselfthinkingofthingsIcandotohelptheir future.Aspissedoffas Icanbewiththisplace, therearesomeverygoodpeople,especiallysomeofthesekids.WhetherI likeitornot,Ihaveasoftspotforsomeoftheselittlebrats.”Pat observed May 4, his first wedding anniversary, by writing amessagetohiswife:

HappyAnniversarymylove!!!AyearagotodayMariemademethe luckiest man alive, and what have I done in return?Schemed up the most absurd way to drastically shit-can our,untilrecently,perfectexistence.HereIsitinatent,atBaghdadInternationalAirport, surroundedbykids,half theearthawayfromwhereIbelongonouranniversary.Unbelievable.Thislastyearhasbeenshit,nodoubt,Marie.However inthis lastyearI’vegrowntolove&admireyoutoapointthatonlytrialandsuffering canbringabout.Thismadnesshasbroughtout suchamazing strength and character in you. Of course this wasalwaysthere,butthislastyearhasgivenmetheopportunitytoseejusthowamazing,howtoughyoureallyare.

For weeks the Rangers had been hearing rumors that they would bepacking up and heading home “any day now.” Finally it appeared as

thoughtheirdeparturefromIraqmightactuallybeathand.OnMay12,Pat wrote, “Lots of good news…. Should (of course with the usuallyskepticism) head home the 15th. Already the wheels are in motion,packing has begun, and excitement is in the air…. A bunch of EPWs(EnemyPrisonersofWar)escapedfromacrossthestreettoday.Twentyescapedwhilefourhavealreadybeencaught.NubandIarerootingforthe other sixteen. Sometimes it’s hard not to cheer for the underdog.(P.S.—These are not military POWs, but civilians they’re holding forinfo.)”Pat’s journal entry forMay15 consistedof two short lines: “Weare

leavingat0300tomorrow.Thankfuckinggod.”ThreedayslaterheandKevinwere sitting in the USO lounge at Frankfurt Airport, waiting toboardaflightfortheUnitedStates.Patreflected:AllinallIsupposethiswasasolidexperience,iffornootherreason

thanwe’re cominghome safe….Wedidnot fight, or findourselves inanylifealteringsituations….Perhapsintimethiswholeexperiencewillseemlarger than itdoesnow,moreexciting. Iadmit itwasnotwhat Iexpectedof“goingtowar,”butwhoknowswhattoexpect.Iremembermy rookie year [in the NFL], a reporter asking about my feelings ongoing to the playoffs. He mentioned that many players will spend awholecareerwithoutbeingfortunateenoughtogo.Forme,inmyfirstyear,IguessIjustexpectedtogoeveryyear,thoughitturnedoutnottobethecase.Perhapsthiswillringtruehere….Thiscouldpossiblybeourfirstandonly tasteofcombat (limitedas itwas).But thenagain,withthat“cowboy”atthehelm,Iwouldn’tbetonit.Pat’sstintinIraqwasn’tonlydifficultforPat;itwashardonMarieas

well. “Theywere gone for two and a halfmonths,” she says, “and formost of that time there was no communication between us at all. Hewasn’tabletocallmeuntiltheveryend,rightbeforetheycamehome,soIhadnoideawhatwasgoingon.WehadjustmovedtoWashingtonState,andIhadn’tstartedworkingyet.Iknewnoone.I justsat insideandwatchedthemediacoverageofthewaronTValldaylong.They’dreport that another helicopter had been shot down, and I’dwonder ifthatwasPatandKevin.Idon’tevenreallyrememberhowIgotthroughthatperiod.Itwasawful.”ForPattobereunitedwithMarieonMay19wasanenormousrelief.

Lifewasgoodagain. In July,when theArmygrantedPatandKevinatwo-weekleave,thethreeofthemwenttoLakeTahoeandkickedbackwiththeirhigh-schoolfriendsfromAlmaden,justliketheyhaddonesomanytimesbeforetheTillmanbrothersenlisted.UpontheirreturntoFortLewis,PatandKevinbeganpreparingforthe

rigorsofRangerSchool,apunishingsixty-one-daytrialthateverynoogmustendureinordertoearnhis“tab”:asmallclothpatchembroideredwith theword “Ranger,”which is affixed to theupper left shoulderofhis uniform. Until a Ranger is “tabbed,” he is not considered a full-fledged member of the brotherhood, cannot be promoted beyond therankofprivate first class,andwillbe routinely subjected todegradingwork assignments at thewhimof tabbed superiors just to remindhimthatheisapissant,unworthyofrespect.“Tabbedguysgooutoftheirwaytofuckwiththenewguys,”explains

Sergeant Mel Ward, who would become one of the Rangers Patconsideredafriend.“Theyorderthemtocleantoilets,dopush-ups.Youhear stories of noogs locked in their lockers over the weekend withnothingbut a two-quart canteen.Whena tabbedRangerwould smokePat, hewould dowhat hewas supposed to, but you could tell itwasreallyburninghimup.Becauseitwaspointlessandunnecessary.”“YouhavetoputupwithalotofasininestuffintheArmy,”JadeLane

agrees.“AndPatdidn’t like it.Sometwenty-year-oldwouldtellhimtodosomethingstupid,likeshineyourboots,thenscuffthemup,andthenshinethemagain.Thatkindofcraphewasnotinto.Andhewouldletthemknow.Like,he’dsay,‘Look,I’llshinemyboots,butI’mnotgonnascuff ’em up and shine ’em again, because that’s just retarded.’ AndpeopleintheArmydon’tlikebeingtalkedtolikethat.You’resupposedto dowhat you’re told. So hewould get in trouble sometimes. They’dbringhimintotheoffice,writehimupforcounseling.”Inordertoescapethisabuse,PathadtograduatefromRangerSchool,

but to be admitted, he first had to achieve at least the ninetiethpercentile in a standardArmyPhysical Fitness Test, orAPFT: sixty-sixpush-ups in two minutes, seventy-three sit-ups in two minutes, and atwo-mile run in less than thirteen minutes fifty-four seconds. OneafternooninJuly,Patwasnotifiedthathehadbeenchosenforthenextopening in Ranger School, assuming he passed an APFT to be

administeredthefollowingmorning.AlthoughPathadjustcompletedanespecially exhaustingworkout, he figured scoring high enough on theAPFTwould be no big deal evenwith soremuscles: throughout basictraining, both Pat and Kevin had excelled on each of the severaloccasions theyhad taken theAPFT; the last timePat hadbeen tested,he’ddoneeighty-fourpush-ups,eighty-onesit-ups,andruntwomilesintwelveminutestwenty-oneseconds.WhenPattookthetestthenextmorning,heeasilydidenoughpush-upsandhadnotroublerunningtwomilesfasterthantherequiredtime,buthedidn’tdoseventy-threesit-upsinlessthantwominutes.Actually,hedidmorethantherequirednumberofsit-ups;however,thesergeantjudginghisperformancedisqualified severalof themona technicality,soPatfailedthetest.It’spossiblethesergeantdidn’tcountthesit-upsinquestionbecausehewasinanornerymoodandwantedtoshowPatthatalthoughhewasafamousfootballplayerincivilianlife, intheSecondRanger Battalion hewas just a lowly private.Or perhaps the sergeanthad a legitimate reason for disqualifying the sit-ups. In any case, PatfailedtheAPFTandwasthereforedeniedadmissiontoRangerSchool.Hewasenragedaboutnotpassingthetest,asangryashe’deverbeenabout anymistake he’dmade as a football player, but his furywasn’tdirected at the NCO who failed him. Not one to make excuses, heblamedonlyhimself,believingthatheshouldhavebeenabletopassthetest no matter how many sit-ups the sergeant decided not to count.Making matters infinitely worse, he wouldn’t be able to take the testagainforatleastthreeweeks.Afterstewingforthebetterpartofamonth,PatpassedtheAPFTtestatthenextopportunity.BecauseKevintookitatthesametimeandalsopassed,onSeptember29,2003,theyenteredRangerSchooltogetheratFort Benning, Georgia. The nine weeks that followed were punishing.Their class of 253 soldiers was kept awake and on the move twentyhoursaday,everyday,withtheexceptionofoneeight-hourbreakeverythreeweeks.Theyslepttwoorthreehoursanight, if theywerelucky,and subsisted on a daily allowance of twenty-four hundred calories,despitethefactthatonmostdaystheyburnedmorethanfivethousandcalories—some days a lot more. They humped ninety-pound loads upand down the Tennessee Valley Divide, crawled through thickets of

poisonoak,bivouackedinfreezingrainwithnothingbuttheclothesontheir backs, andwere perpetually hungry and exhausted. Some of thesoldiers lost more than thirty pounds of body weight. Half of themembersof their class failedordroppedout,mostof themduring thefirstweek.PatandKevinfoundtheexperiencetobeasatisfyingchallenge.Bothofthemgraduatedhandily,receivedtheirRangertabsonNovember28,andwerepromotedtotherankofspecialist.TwoyearsafterPat’sdeath,anArmycaptainnamedAaronSwainrecalledcoachingPatthroughthethree-week “mountain phase” of the course, duringwhich the soldiersweretaughtrock-climbingskillsonMountYonah,intheChattahoocheeNational Forest. “Tillmanwas a stud,” Swain attests. “Hewas the realdeal.”Bytheautumnof2003,asSwainwastestingtheTillmans’mettle inthebackwoodsofGeorgia,itwasbecomingapparentthatthewarinIraqwas not turning out as predicted. Increasingly, critics of theadministration were comparing it to Vietnam. In mid-October, avideotape was broadcast on Al Jazeera in which Osama bin Ladenlooked coldly into the camera and exulted, “I am rejoicing in the factthatAmericahasbecomeembroiled in thequagmiresof theTigrisandEuphrates. Bush thought that Iraq and its oilwouldbe easy prey, andnowhereheis,stuckindirestraits,bythegraceofGodAlmighty.Hereis America today, screaming at the top of its voice as it falls apart infrontoftheworld.”Bin Laden regarded the invasion of Iraq as a tremendous gift fromPresidentBush—a“rareandessentiallyvaluable”opportunitytospreadjihad, as the exiled sheik put it. Not only had the United StateseliminatedSaddamHussein,whombinLadenreviledas“athiefandanapostate,” but theAmerican occupationwas fuelingMuslim rage evenmore than the invasion of Afghanistan had, inspiring throngs of Arabmentojointheranksofal-Qaeda.————

ThecontracttheTillmanshadsigneduponenlistingcommittedthemtoremain inuniformuntil July2005.Therewasa strongpossibility that

they would be deployed to Iraq again before this date, and findthemselves in the middle of the worsening violence there. Soon aftergraduating from Ranger School, however, Pat was presented with anopportunitytoavoidthisfate:hewasofferedaticketoutoftheArmy.In December 2003, Tillman’s agent, Frank Bauer, was contacted by

Bob Ferguson,who, as generalmanager of theArizona Cardinals, hadplayed a key role in bringing Pat to the Cardinals and launching hisprofessional football career. Ferguson, who had moved on to becomegeneral manager of the Seattle Seahawks, told Bauer that Seattle wasvery eager to have Tillman on the Seahawks’ rosterwhen the footballseasongotunderwayinthefallof2004.AccordingtoBauer,whenheexplained that Pat wasn’t due to be released from the Army until thesummer of 2005, Ferguson assured him, “We’ve checked into it. He’salready served in a war. He can get out of the service. Just file hisdischarge papers. We’d love to have him here in the Seattle lockerroom.”As it turnedout,other teamswerealso interested insigningTillman

for the 2004 season, including the Cardinals, the St. Louis Rams, theNewEnglandPatriots,andtheDallasCowboys.SoBaueraskedaround,andFergusonwasapparentlyright:underspecialcircumstances,soldierswho completed a tour of duty in a war zone could be granted anhonorabledischargewellbeforetheircontractswereup.IfPatrequestedsuchadispensation,comethefollowingSeptemberhestoodanexcellentchanceofexchanginghisRangerbodyarmorforfootballshoulderpads,especiallygivenTillman’sstature.Armyrecruitmentcommercialswereastaple of football games televised on Sunday afternoons and Mondaynights, and the National Football League had a close workingrelationshipwiththeDepartmentofDefense.StringscouldbepulledonPat’sbehalf.Bauer excitedly relayed the goodnews to his client: “So I call Patty

andIsay,‘Listentome.Igotacoupleofclubsthatareinterestedinyou.Now,youmaywant to checkwith theArmybeforeyou sayanything,but they’re tellingme they can get you an early discharge, and theseteamswantyou.Seattlewantsyoubadly.’”Tillmanrepliedthathewasflatteredbytheinterest,buthewouldn’t

considerleavingtheArmybeforehiscontractwascompleted.“Ienlisted

forthreeyears,”heexplainedtoBauer.“Iowethemthreeyears.I’mnotgoing to go back onmyword. I’m going to stay in the Army.” Bauerleanedonhimtoreconsider,butgotnowhere.“There were offers from several NFL teams,” Marie confirms. “Pat

mentioned the Seahawks’ offer, and at that point in time he probablywouldhavelovedtohavegonebackandplayedfootball forthem.Butwe never really discussed it because it just wasn’t going to happen.There was no way he was going to bail out of the Army halfwaythrough.He said, ‘I’mgoing to servemy threeyearsand thengobackand play in the NFL after I’ve finished. That’s what my plan was allalong. It’s therightthingtodo.AndI’mgoingtostickwiththat.’”AsmuchasPathatedbeinginthemilitaryandforcingMarietoendureallthathisenlistmententailed,breakingthecommitmenthe’dmadetotheRangers would have violated principles he considered inviolable. ThehandfulofpeoplewhounderstoodwhatmadePattickknewthatleavingthe Army early was something he would never consider. It wasabsolutelyoutofthequestion.

*AsSteveCollwroteinTheNewYorkerinApril2006,Saddamcouldnotbringhimselftoadmitthat therewerenoweaponsofmassdestruction, “becausehe feareda loss of prestige and, inparticular,thatIranmighttakeadvantageofhisweakness—aconclusionalsosketchedearlierbytheC.I.A.-supervisedIraqSurveyGroup.HedidnottellevenhismostseniorgeneralsthathehadnoW.M.D. until just before the invasion. Theywere appalled, and some thought hemight belying,because,theylatertoldtheirinterrogators,theAmericangovernmentinsistedthatIraqdidhavesuchweapons.Saddam‘founditimpossibletoabandontheillusionofhavingW.M.D.,’thestudysays.TheBushwarcabinet,ofcourse,clungtothesameillusion,andakindofmutuallyreinforcingtrancetookholdbetweenthetwoleadershipsastheinvasionneared.”

PARTTHREE

Ilovehimwhodoesnotholdbackonedropofspiritforhimself,butwants to be entirely the spirit of his virtue: thushe strides over thebridgeasspirit.I lovehimwhomakeshisvirtuehisaddictionandhiscatastrophe:

forhisvirtue’ssakehewantstoliveonandtolivenolonger.—FRIEDRICHNIETZSCHE,ThusSpokeZarathustra

CHAPTERTWENTY-SEVEN

PatandKevinweregivenatwo-weekleaveoverChristmas,whichtheyspentinNewAlmadenvisitingtheirfamily.ShortlyaftertheyreturnedtoFortLewisinJanuary2004,anewbatchofrecruitsarrivedatSecondBattalion, one of whomwas a wiry little private from Indiana namedJoseyBoatright.“PatTillmanwasoneofthefirstguysImetatLewis,”Boatrightrecalls.“Whenyoufirstgetthere,everythingischaos.Peoplearescreamingatyou,you’rerunningeverywhere,youcan’tdoanythingright.Amidst all this chaos, this big dude, a specialist, comes into thebarracks from the firing rangewithhisweaponandhis fullkiton.Hewalksuptomeandsays,‘AreyouthenewguyinSecondPlatoon?MynameisPatTillman.Relax,thisstuffwillpass.It’llbeoversoon.Nicetomeetyou.’“Itwasashock,”saysBoatright:“Somebodybeingnice,talkingtoyou

likeahuman.AndhisbrotherKevinaddressedmethesamewaywhenIgottothetopofthestairs.Itdidn’tdawnonmeatthetimewhohewas.Someone toldmesoonenough,and Igot toknowhimover theweeksthatfollowed.AlotoftheRangerswerecockyandarrogantandmuscle-bound.Theytreatedthenewguyslikeshit.Patwasneverlikethat.Hewasalwayspolite.Hewasagenuinelyniceguy.”Boatright, theTillmanbrothers,andtherestof theRangers inAlpha

Company spent the remainder of the winter training intensely at FortLewis. Then, inMarch, they learned that they would be deploying toAfghanistan in early April. “Pat knew they’d be sent over there againsomewhere,”saysMarie,“andhewasgladhewasgoingtoAfghanistanandnotgoingbacktoIraq.EventhoughhewasmoredisillusionedwiththeArmybythen,hestillbelieved in thewar inAfghanistan.Fightingtherewaswhyhehadjoinedinthefirstplace.”TherewasmuchlessnewscomingoutofAfghanistanthanoutofIraq.

By 2004, many Americans didn’t even realize the country was still

fightingawar there.“Mostpeople thoughtAfghanistanwouldbesaferthanIraq,”Mariesays.“ButIknewalittlemoreaboutwhattheyweresupposed to be doing over there. I knew they were supposed to bepatrolling along the Pakistani border and it wouldn’t be a very safesituation. Iwas also a lot lessnaiveaboutwar and theArmybynow,too.WhentheywenttoIraq,theywerestraightoutofbootcamp,anditallhappenedsoquicklyIdidn’thaveasmuchtimetothinkbeforetheyleft.”In any case, after Pat and Kevin came home from Baghdad andgraduatedfromRangerSchool,Marieremembers,“Wefeltliketheyhadpassedthemidpoint.Itseemedliketheywereoverthehump.TheyweresupposedtodeploytoAfghanistanforsomethingliketwomonths,comehome for amonth, and then deploy back overseas formaybe anotherthreemonths,andthenthatwasgoingtobeit.Sowefeltlikeweonlyhadtoget throughthenextsixmonthsorso,andthenwewerehomefree. Pat was already starting to think about life after the Army. HetalkedabouthowwhenhegotbackfromAfghanistanitwasgoingtobetimetogetbackintoshapeforfootballagain.”ButreturningtotheNFLwas not the only thing on Pat’s agenda after his military service wasover. He was also looking forward to having a tête-à-tête with NoamChomsky, ameeting that Pat had prevailed uponRékaCseresnyés, hisoldcollegestudypartnerfromBudapest,toarrange.After they’d graduated from Arizona State, Tillman and Cseresnyésremainedgood friends, andPat,Marie,Cseresnyés, andherhusband—another ASU classmate named Jared Schrieber—regularly got togetherfordinner.WhenCseresnyésheard thatPatwas joining theArmy, shesayssheandSchrieber“challengedhimalittlebit: ‘Areyousureaboutthis?Areyoureadytoserveunderapresidentyoudon’treallysupport?’Buthe thoughtheowed it to the country to reallydo somethingafter9/11.Ithinkhefelthecouldstayabovethepolitics,somehow,andjustdohisdutyasapatriot….WithPat,ifhisconsciencetoldhimheshoulddosomething,hedidit,noexcuses.Hejustmadeithappenaswellashepossiblycould.”Fromtheearlydaysoftheirfriendship,CseresnyésandTillmanwouldrecommend books for each other to read, she says, and “probablyaround 2000we started reading Chomsky and debating his ideas. His

perspectiveonthingswassodifferentfromthemainstreammedia,andthat appealed to Pat.” Chomsky was a strident critic of the Bushadministration and its Global War on Terror, and although Tillmancertainly didn’t agreewith all of Chomsky’s views, he concurredwithmanyofthem.Forexample,whenChomskyopinedinaradiointerview,“IftheAmericanpopulationhadtheslightestideaofwhatisbeingdoneintheirname,theywouldbeutterlyappalled,”itwasperfectlyalignedwithTillman’sown senseofoutrageoverwhathe’dwitnessed in Iraq.Pat admired both Chomsky’s intellectual courage and hisstraightforward,unembellishedturnsofphrase.In 2003, Cseresnyés and her husband moved to Boston so thatSchriebercouldpursueagraduatedegreeattheMassachusettsInstituteof Technology, where Chomsky happened to be on the faculty. AfterhearingChomsky give a presentation at a conference held on theMITcampus, Cseresnyés called Pat to tell him about it, and he got veryexcited. “I’d like to talk to Chomsky!” Pat blurted. “Réka, arrangesomething!He’sjustdownthestreet;I’dliketotalktohim!”“Iwaslike,‘Whynot?’”Cseresnyéssays.Outoftheblueshesentane-mail to Chomsky with an article about Tillman attached, explainingthat“thisbrilliantandfascinatingman”whorecentlyservedasanArmyRangerinIraqwantedtospeakwithhim.ToCseresnyés’ssurprise,withinamatterofhoursshereceivedareplyfromChomskyindicatingthathewasopentotheidea,andurgingPattosendhimane-mail to set themeetingup,although,Chomskywarned,“Mylifeissointensethatevenphonecallsarescheduledoftenweeksinadvance.”The ball was now in Tillman’s court. In an e-mail Pat sent toCseresnyésonFebruary9,2004,hewrote,“Ihaven’tgottenaround towritingNoam…but Iwill.”As his deployment approached, however,Pat and Marie’s lives grew hectic, and he decided to wait to contactChomskyuntilafterhisreturnfromAfghanistan.“As far as I know,” says Cseresnyés, “Pat never contacted Chomsky.Andobviously,themeetingneverhappened.ButIwouldhavelovedtohave been a fly on the wall for that conversation. Knowing Pat, Iimaginehewouldhave asked a lot of questions, challengingwhatever

Chomsky was saying, as Pat always did, trying to understand hisperspectivemoredeeply.”Although on the face of it there would seem to have been little in

commonbetween the twomen—oneayoungprofessionalathlete-cum-soldier, theotheramiddle-aged linguist,writer,andantiwaractivist—Cseresnyésthinksotherwise.ShebelievesthatoneofthereasonsPatwasso fascinated by Chomsky was the originality of the latter’s thinking.“Chomsky asks questions only few would think to ask,” she explains,“which is actually very similar to the way Pat was. I saw an articlerecentlyaboutChomskythatdescribedhimasagoodlistener.Howheaskedalotofquestions.Howhewassodown-to-earth.AsIwasreadingit, Iwasthinking, ‘ThissoundssomuchlikePat!’—notnecessarilythattheybelievedthesamethings,butthattheirmindsoperatedinthesameway.”————

Duringthe firstmonthsof2004,ashecontemplatedhis futurebeyondthemilitary,Patseemedmoreateasethanhehadinyears.“KevinandIbothnoticedit,”Mariesays.“Hewasverymuchatpeacewithhimself.Itwas like he’d gotten rid of any of his hang-ups. He’d sort of beenevolving in this direction ever since hewent to juvenile hall after theRound Table fight—resetting his priorities, figuring out what reallymattered.” Pat confided toMarie that theArmy had “been difficult inways he’d never imagined going into it,” but that the experience hadcausedhimtolearnalotabouthimself.Hesaidtheemotionaltrialshe’denduredhadmadehimabetterperson.HesaidtheArmyhadhumbledhim.WhenPat’smothercametoPugetSoundtovisitaweekbeforePatandKevinshippedout toAfghanistan,Marie jokedtoher thatPathadbecomesosensitivehewasstartingtogrowbreasts.OnApril 7,Marie drove Pat and Kevin to Fort Lewis to catch their

flight to Afghanistan, said good-bye, and returned to face their emptyhouse. Shortly thereafter, however, Pat called to say their flight hadbeendelayedtwohours,soMariejumpedbackinhercarandmetthemataStarbucksjustoutsidethepost’snorthgateinordertoshareafewmoremomentswithPatoveracupofcoffee.

WhenheandKevineventuallyfiledintoanAirForcetransportjetandtook off, Pat took out a new journal with a black leather cover andbegantowrite.“TomyleftsitsNub,”heinscribedonthefirstpage.

We sit inside a C-17 en route to Afghanistan via Germany torefuel. Staring at me, beside my journal, is the laminatedpicture of Marie in her wedding dress…. Undoubtedly she’sgrownathickskintheselastcoupleofyearsandhasprovenshecanweatheranythingthatcomesherway.InspiteofthisIstillworryandwishforherhappinesswhileI’mgone.AcrossfrommesitsSergeantJackson,mynewsquadleader,

SergeantGodec,LieutenantUthlaut,andFirstSergeantFuller—mywholechainofcommand.I’mnotsurewhatthistripholdsinstore;inalllikelihoodwe’llpatrolaroundtheborderwithoutfinding shit. However, in the event that more than thistranspires, I feel very good about themen seated across fromme.ThisgoesformanyoftheothersIseeasIlookaround.ThelastfewmonthshavegivenmeanewperspectiveonthisplaceandI’devengosofarastosayIcareaboutmanyofthefolkshere.Inanycase,iftheopportunitydoesarise,Ifeelconfidentinhowwe’llreactandtrustthosewhoareleadingus.Besides,IhaveNub-piecetomyleft.Ofcourseitwillallworkout.

CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT

ThirtyhoursafterdepartingFortLewis,theC-17jetcarryingPat,Kevin,andtheirfellowRangerslandedatBagramAirfield,twenty-sevenmilesnorth of Kabul, the base of operations for the U.S. military inAfghanistan.“ThefirstthingIsawasIwalkedofftheplane,”Patnotedin his journal, “was gorgeous, jagged, snow-coveredmountain peaks.”ThemountainsthatstirredhimweresomeofthelessersummitsoftheHindu Kush, which nevertheless rise fifteen thousand feet above sealevelfromtheedgeoftheShomaliPlain,thebarrenplateauuponwhichBagram’s two-mile-long runway was built by the Soviets in 1976.Everywhere Pat looked were signs of the Soviet conflict, including alargesteelwatertoweratthecenterofthebase,thesideofwhichhadagaping hole created by a mujahideen rocket. Demolished tanks werevisiblejustoutsidethewire.Surroundingtheairfieldwasanexpanseofdenudedearth thathadoncebeen fertile farmlandandwasnow sownwithhundredsofthousandsoflethalmines.Despite the ravagedenvironment,Pat remarked that their lodgingat

Bagramwas relativelyupscale: “Ourwooden, glorified tents areprettynice,and theshowersand foodarehot….Weshouldnotbehere longbutinthemeantimetheaccommodationswillbeappreciated.”WithinafewdaystheRangersofAlphaCompanyweresupposedtobeflown120miles south to an outpost in Khost Province called ForwardOperatingBase Salerno,whence theywouldbeginpatrolling along theZero Line(Army jargon for the Afghanistan-Pakistan border) as part of a majornewoffensivedubbedOperationMountainStorm.

PATTILLMAN’SCHAINOFCOMMAND,APRIL22,2004

PresidentGeorgeW.Bush

VicePresidentRichardCheney

SecretaryofDefenseDonaldRumsfeld

AssistantSecretaryofDefenseLawrenceDiRita

GeneralJohnAbizaid,commander,U.S.CentralCommand(CENTCOM)GeneralBryanBrown,commander,U.S.SpecialOperationsCommand(USSOC)

LieutenantGeneralPhilipKensingerJr.,commander,U.S.ArmySpecialOperationsCommand(USASOC)

BrigadierGeneralStanleyMcChrystal,commander,JointSpecialOperationsCommand(JSOC)ColonelJamesNixon,commander,Seventy-fifthRangerRegimentLieutenantColonelRalphKauzlarich,executiveofficer,Seventy-fifthRangerRegiment

CommandSergeantMajorAlfredBirch

LieutenantColonelJeffreyBailey,commander,SecondRangerBattalionMajorDavidHodne,cross-functionalteamcommander,SecondRangerBattalionCaptainWilliamSaunders,commander,AlphaCompanyCaptainKirbyDennis,executiveofficer,AlphaCompany

FirstSergeantThomasFuller,AlphaCompany

FirstLieutenantDavidUthlaut,platoonleader,SecondPlatoon

SergeantFirstClassEricGodec,platoonsergeant,SecondPlatoonStaffSergeantMattWeeks,squadleader,ThirdSquad

SergeantMelWard,seniorteamleaderSergeantBradleyShepherd,teamleader

SpecialistPatTillman,actingteamleaderPrivateFirstClassBryanO’Neal

AlthoughtheUnitedStateshadroutedtheTalibaninthefinalmonthsof 2001, driving them into the Afghan countryside and across thefrontier intoPakistan,byearly2002 the focusof theU.S.militaryhadbeen redirected to Iraq, and the situation in Afghanistan significantlydeterioratedasaconsequence.OnMay1,2003,DonaldRumsfeldheldanewsconference inKabul toannounce that “majorcombatactivity” inAfghanistan had ended and “the bulk of this country is … secure.”Contrary to such assurances, however, the Americans’ preoccupationwithIraqhadenabledtheTalibanandal-Qaedatoquietlyrebuildtheirforces and reestablish control throughout Afghanistan’s easternprovinces.On June 24, 2003, an audiotape was delivered to a Pakistaninewspaper from the Taliban leader Mullah Mohammed Omarannouncing a new campaign “to expedite jihad against occupationforces” under a new military strategy. As part of this campaign, theTaliban accelerated their attacks on American forces from bases ofoperationjustacrosstheZeroLineinPakistan’sFederallyAdministeredTribal Areas—an isolated region of obdurately independent feudalcommunities beyond the reach of the government in Islamabad,populatedbyfourmillionlargelyilliteratePashtuntribespeople.Oneofthemost importantbases for suchattackswas thecityofMiramShah,capitaloftheNorthWaziristantribalagency,twenty-fourmilessouthofFOB Salerno. Miram Shah was the headquarters for the Talibancommander JalaluddinHaqqani and his thirty-year-old son, Sirajuddin

Haqqani, who was starting to assume a prominent role as second-in-commandoftheHaqqaniNetwork.Operation Mountain Storm was launched to counter these new and

increasingly deadly attacks. The Rangers’ job would be to find andeliminatepocketsofTalibansupportinremotebordervillagesoccupiedbytworabidlyxenophobicPashtuntribes,theDataKhailandtheZakaKhail. OnMarch 20, 2004, as OperationMountain Storm was gettingunderway,anarticleintheAsiaTimesbythePakistanijournalistSyedSaleem Shahzad observed, “In Afghanistan, U.S.-led forces can expectincreasinghit-and-runattacksbylocalTaliban,whowillthenmeltbackinto the local population.” The corner of Khost Province in whichTillman’s platoonwould be operatingwas described by Shahzad as “ano-man’sland,aplacenoonewouldwanttogounlesshewereastoughas the local tribespeople, a guerrilla fighter taking on the U.S., or,perhaps, Osama bin Laden. [It] is a deep and dangerousmaze…. TheData Khail and Zaka Khail have a long history of defiance and havenever capitulated to any intruder…. These two tribes are now theprotectorsoftheTalibanandal-Qaedafighters.”On April 11, while still at Bagram, Pat wrote of their upcoming

mission,“Whenweleavewe’llbeworkinginthemountains,rightontheborderofPakistan.We’llbegoneforperhapsacoupleofweeks,sleepinginthewoodsandbasicallypatrolling.It’llmorethanlikelybecoldandless than comfortable, so I’ll enjoy my time here. As for the actualmission,we are supposed to be hitting a nerve or hot spot…. It’s lessthan likely tobe truebutyouneverknow,youhave toassume itwillbe.”TwodayslatertheBlackSheep(thenicknamegiventotheRangersof

SecondPlatoon)weretoldtopackuptheirgearbecausetheywouldbedeparting for Khost in a few hours. “Tonight we leave on our firstmission,” Pat’s journal entry for April 13 begins. “It sounds as thoughtherewillbequiteabitofsuckinginvolved,aswewillbehikingsomeprettysteepterrain.Asforhowlongwe’llbeout,thatisnotclear….AsIwrite,alittleblack&whitefurballispurringandrubbingupagainstmyleg.Nowhe’ssippingonthewaterIgavehim.I’llbesuretokeepthisentryoutofHanorMc’shandsastoavoidanyjealousyissues.*Quiteapleasantlittlesurprise.UnfortunatelyI’llbeunabletobringmyjournal

along.Thismaybemylastentryforawhile.”Infact,amongthejournalsrecovered after Pat’s death, it would prove to be the final entryaltogether.

ShortlyaftermidnightonApril14,sixdaysafterarrivinginAfghanistan,PatandKevinTillmanboardedaChinookhelicopterwiththerestoftheBlack Sheep and flew south through the darkness to FOB Salerno,landingwell before dawn.Within a couple of years Salernowould betransformed into one of the largest and busiest military bases inAfghanistan,afrenetichubofactivityoccupiedbythousandsoftroops,boastingamovietheater,abarbershop,agym,andagiantchowhallinwhichsteakandlobsterwouldbeservedbyKBRcontractorsonFridaynights.Inearly2004,however,thebasewaslittlemorethananunpavedairstrip, a field hospital, a small tactical operations center, and a fewrowsof tents.TheBlackSheep spentonlya fewhours there, just longenoughtoorganizetheirgear,mounttheirweaponsontheirHumvees,andloadthevehicleswithcartonsofmealsreadytoeat,betterknownasMREs.ThentheRangersrolledoutofthegateandheadedtowardSperaDistrict, forty miles to the southwest, in a convoy of Humvees andToyotaHiluxpickuptrucks.Thefirst twenty-fivemilesofthedrivefollowedtheonlypavedroadinKhostProvince,butwherethathighwaycurvednorthtowardKabul,theconvoyturnedsouthwestandpassedintoSperaonaroughdirtroadthat had been carved tenuously into a canyonwall above a fast, coldriver.Fivemilesbeyondtheendofthepavementtheyturnedsharplytothesouthandfollowedaseriesofdryriverbedsandgoattracksthatledover a craggy sixty-five-hundred-foot ridge. Upon dropping down thebackside of this escarpment, the convoy rolled through a series oframshacklevillages:Adzalkhel,Tit,Katinkhel,Magarah,KandeyKalay.InlateafternoontheyhaltedtobivouacforthenightwithinthreemilesofthePakistanborder.TheRangers began searching villages and conducting foot patrols inSpera’sroughbackcountrythefollowingmorning,butfoundnothingofinterest.Astheyweresettingupcamptobivouacagain,anundercoverCIA operator who introduced himself only as “Steve” arrived from a

nearby outpost called Border Crossing Point 5, or BCP-5, which wasmannedbyAfghanMilitiaForces,orAMF,recruitedandtrainedbytheCIA andU.S. Special Forces. “TheCIA guy told us they’d gotten somegood intelligence that abunchofTalibanandal-Qaedahadbeen seenmassingtogetherandweregonnaattacktheBCPthatnight,”saysBradJacobson,whoat the timewasa twenty-one-year-old sergeant. “SowedrovedowntotheBCPtohelptheAfghaniguysdefendit.Wewerealljazzed:‘Yeah,it’son!We’regonnagettofuckin’killsomebadguys!’Westayed up that whole night in our body armor, with rounds in thechamber and helmets tightened, waiting for those motherfuckers tocomecreepingupthehill.Ofcoursetheynevercame.Itwasanotherdryhole.”BCP-5wassituatedonascrubbyknolleighty-threehundredfeetabove

sea level, surrounded by gnarled junipers and pineswrapped in silverbark that peeled off in large swatches to reveal a pale greenpericambiumassmoothasglass.Theambiencewasdeceptivelytranquil.Over the week that followed, the Rangers came and went from thisbucolicoutposttoconducttheirmissions.The next day the Black Sheep drove a couple of miles east into an

unpopulated valley, dismounted their vehicles, and climbed to thesummitofanine-thousand-footpeak thatdemarcated the internationalborder.“Wehumpedupthishuge-assridgeline,”saysSergeantBradleyShepherd,oneofthefireteamleaders.“Itwasrelentless.”InthevalleytothesouthwasaPakistanivillagebesideoneofthemainroutesusedbytheTalibantoinfiltrateAfghanistan,sothesquadspentthenightupontheridgecresttooverwatch.“WesawacoupleofdudeswithAKscominguptoattack,”remembers

JasonParsons,whohadbeenpromotedfromcorporaltosergeant,“butsomebodyshotoffaflareandtheyranbackdownthehill.”Atsunsetasquallblewin,thetemperatureplummeted,anditbegan

torain.“Itpouredallnight,”saysJacobson.“Everyonegotsoakedtotheskin. Iwas freezing. Itwasa long,shittynight.”Raincontinuedto fallintermittently for the next six days as the Rangers patrolled thesurroundingmountainsandvalleys,searchingtribalsettlementsforsignsofenemyactivity.Theyfoundacoupleofrockets,afewrifles,andquiteabitofmarijuana,butnotmuchelse.

“Noneofthevillageswesearchedfeltverythreatening,”saysRussellBaer. “It was beautiful country—it reminded me of the Sierra. Therewerelittlegreen-eyedkidsrunningaroundincolorfulgarments,playingintherivers.”“We never felt like we were about to be ambushed or anything,”

Jacobsonagrees.“Thepeopleseemedfriendly.Mostofthevillageswerejustacoupleoflittleshacksscatteredacrossthehillsides.Atonehousetherewasacamel.I’dneverseenacamelouttherebefore.Theguywhoowned it came outside and offered us tea and sugar candy.” Theapparent absence of Taliban was both a relief and a disappointment.“We began to think headquarters was giving all the goodmissions toBravoCompany,”saysJacobson,“andstickinguswiththeleftovers.Wegotnothingbutdryholes.”The majority of the Rangers in Tillman’s platoon hadn’t joined the

SpecialOperationsForcesinordertogocampinginexoticlands;they’denlisted to be part of a rarefied warrior culture. Engaging in mortalcombatwasnotanaspectof theirservicetheysought toavoid.Tothecontrary, they’d aspired to it since they were small boys. They wereitchingtoconfronttheenemyfirsthandandprovethemselvesunderfire.Approximatelyhalftheplatoonhadneverbeeninafirefight.MostoftheuntriedRangersyearnedtoexperiencetheatavisticrushofhavingtokillorbekilled—adesiremorecommonamongthemalepopulationthanisusuallyacknowledgedinpolitecompany.

The unit had been in Afghanistan for nearly three weeks withoutencounteringa singlebadguy,and theirdailyhunt forenemy fightersincreasinglyhadthefeelofawild-goosechase.MorethanafewoftheRangers who had never been in combat were growing frustrated, andhadbeguntocontemplatetheshamefulpossibilitythattheirtourmightend before they earned a Combat Infantryman Badge. There wereprobablyat least tenor fifteenRangers in theplatoonwhodidnotyethaveaCIB,andwereimpatientforsomethingtogodown.On April 20, one of Second Platoon’s Humvees conked out and

wouldn’t start again. The mechanic, Specialist Brandon Farmer, spenttheentiredaytryingtogetitrunning,withoutsuccess.Onthetwenty-first,whilehecontinuedtoworkontheunresponsivetruckatBCP-5,therest of theBlackSheep spent theday relaxingat theAMFoutpost.Bynow they’d eaten all theirMREs, andwere starting to get hungry. Patbegantocravefoodsointenselythathewentdowntothegarbagepilewhere the Rangers had been tossing their trash and began siftingthrough rat-fuckedMREs. “Patwas digging around in there for a longtime,” says Josey Boatright. “Eventually he found a brownie someonehadthrownout,andhehelditupoverhisheadforeveryonetoseelikehe’ddiscoveredburiedtreasure.Wewerealllaughingathim.Butyeah,peoplewerestarting to feel run-downby thatpoint.Wegot sohungryweboughtagoatfromthelocals.Tastedgoodatfirst,butthenalittlelateritjustrippedmyinsidesout.”Intheafternoon,whilePatwasoffbyhimselfwritinginasmallspiral

notebookinlieuoftheleather-boundjournalhe’dleftbehindatBagram,the Afghan soldiers—the AMF—suggested to their Americancounterpartsthattheyengageinsomefriendlyathleticcompetition.TheRangers thought this was an excellent idea. The agreed-upon eventswould bewrestling and rock throwing. The Afghans produced a largechunkoflimestonefortheofficialrock,andthecontestwason.“Sowestarted taking turns throwing this rock for distance,” says Shepherd,“and I’m thinking, ‘We have a professional football player in ourplatoon.’So IwentdowntowherePatwassittingunder this tree, justchilling and writing in his notebook. I was like, ‘Hey, Pat. You mindcomingupand throwinga rock forus in this contest?’He said, ‘Yeah,justgivemeaminute,letmefinishuphere.’AndthenhecameupandstartedthrowingrockswiththeAfghanis.”*“PatgotalonggreatwiththeAMF,” saysWillAker, anearnest, self-assuredColoradoan. “Theywereso surprised at how big he was—they hadn’t seen many guys thatmuscular.Patoutthreweveryoneinthecontest.TherocktossedbytheclosestAfghaniwasn’twithintenorfifteenfeetofPat’srock,andhewasthebiggestguytheAMFcouldcomeupwith.TheywererealimpressedwithPat.”While most of the platoon was socializing with the AMF, Brandon

Farmer was leaning into the engine compartment of the problematic

Humvee, yet by the end of the day he was still unable to fix it. Thesourceof the troublewasa faultysolenoid,buthedidn’tknowthatatthetime,andmistakenlyassumeditwasabadfuelpump.HerequestedanewpumpfromSalerno,whichwasflowninafterdarkwithaloadofMREs. The installation of the new part failed to fix the problem,however. So in themorning Farmer hooked the broken vehicle to therearofa functionalHumveewitha thicknylon towstrap,andat7:00theplatoonstarteddrivingnorthtoclearavillagecalledMana—thelastmission the Black Sheep needed to complete before returning to FOBSalerno.TheAMFcommander stationedatBCP-5ordered sevenofhisAfghan fighters to accompany the platoon and guide them to theirdestination.

ItwaswellpastsunriseonApril22bythetimetheconvoyfinallyrolledout of BCP-5 with the inoperable Humvee in tow. Although it wasRangerpolicynottotravelduringdaylighthoursinordertoreducethedanger from remotely detonated roadside bombs (generally calledimprovised explosive devices, or IEDs), headquarters insisted thatSecond Platoon clear Mana immediately in order to stay on apredeterminedschedule.Thisbotheredmore thana fewof thesoldiersin the platoon, especially Sergeant Jacobson, who had witnessed thefatalincidentthathadinspiredtheedictagainstdrivingbyday.Fivemonthsearlier,whiletheTillmanbrotherswereattendingRanger

SchoolinGeorgia,mostoftheotherRangersinAlphaCompanywereinAfghanistan, where the commander of the Second Ranger Battalion,Lieutenant Colonel Jeffrey Bailey, had deployed them on a one-month“surge.”AccordingtoJacobson,“WeendedupgettingsentonaconvoyfromBagramall theway toAsadabad,” the capital ofKonarProvince,150milesnortheastofBCP-5.OnNovember14,2003,astheycontinuednorthwest from Asadabad on a narrow dirt road known as IED Alley,Jacobsonremembers,“ThetruckIwasridinginblewahose,sowestop,themechanicjumpsoutandfixesthehose,andwestartdrivingagain.”WhileJacobson’struckwasstopped,theHumveethathadbeenbehindthempulledaroundandtookthelead.Ashortwhilelater,astheywererounding a curve above the Pech River, Jacobson says, “There is theloudestexplosionI’veeverheard.Itwasthevehicleinfrontofus,which

had just switched places with us.” An enemy fighter had detonated agiganticIEDundertheHumveeasitrolledby.“TheHumveewasjustdemolished,”saysJacobson.

I’ve never seen a Humvee so destroyed. One of our goodbuddies,JayBlessing,hadbeendrivingit.Hehadbeenblowncompletely out of the jeep, downonto a flat area next to theriver.Oneofhislegswasallthewayacrossthewateronthefarshore.AbunchofEMTsrandowntohimasfastastheycould,but there was nothing they could do. It was horrible. Hesuffered.ThatwasthefirsttimeI’dseensomeonedie.Jaywasa really good guy, super-dedicated to the unit. He’d justreenlisted the year before. He had the opportunity to get outand make a lot more money as a civilian contractor, but hedecidedtostayinandkeepdoinghispart.

Sergeant Blessing, from Tacoma, Washington, was twenty-three yearsold.The population along the Pech River and in the nearby Korengal

valleywasknowntobeextremelyhostiletoAmericans,andthatstretchofroadhadbeenthesiteofseveralpreviousIEDattacks.“WhenJaywaskilled,” says Jacobson, “I understood this was the kind of risk we’dsignedup for.But Iwas reallypissedoff thatwehadbeenordered todriveduringtheday.Itwasareallystupidcall.Ninety-ninepointninepercentofIEDattackshappenduringtheday.”Thankstoinfraredlaserson their weapons that were invisible to the enemy, and sophisticatednight-vision optics that turned darkness into an eerie green twilight,American forces owned the Afghanistan night. Taliban and al-Qaedafightersunderstood this, andusually tried to even theoddsby stagingtheirattacksduringdaylighthours.“The enemy knew we were coming even before we left the base,”

Jacobsoncontinues.“TheysattherewatchingusandthenblewtheIEDby remote control fromupon thehill justwhenJaydroveover it. Sowhy the fuck were we moving during the day? I believe LieutenantColonelBaileymade thecall;hewas theonepushing thepinsback inthe TOC [Tactical Operations Center]. It really made me question

authority. I talkedtomyplatoonsergeantabout it; I talkedtomyfirstsergeant about it. Nobody would come right out and blame Bailey.That’sinsubordination.Inthemilitaryyougetfiredforthatkindofshit.Butalotofustalkedaboutitamongourselves.”Following Blessing’s death, Bailey instituted a policy forbidding

Ranger convoys to travel during daylight hours. But this rule wasignoredsoroutinelythereafterbyRangercommanders,includingBaileyhimself,thatforallintentsandpurposestheedictdidn’texist.Thusdid theBlackSheepdepartBCP-5 inbroaddaylight,bound for

Mana under the command of Lieutenant David Uthlaut, towing aninoperable three-ton Humvee on the morning of April 22, 2004. Theroutefollowedthebedofariverdownapinched,serpentinecanyonthatdescended fifteen hundred feet in threemiles. It had rained the nightbefore,making the trackmuddyandslick.Because thevehicleshad tomaneuver between tight boulders and over jagged rocks, the convoymanagedtomovenofasterthanwalkingspeed.AsitwasdraggedalongbehindaHumveedrivenbySergeantParsons, thederelictvehicle tooksuchasavagebeatingthatiteventuallyfoundered.Afterbeingtowedforfourhours,duringwhichtheplatoonmanaged

to travel just five miles, the Humvee’s front suspension haddisintegrated, its tie-rods had snapped, and the front wheels werefloppinguncontrollably inoppositedirections. “At thatpoint ithadnosteeringwhatsoever,”saysParsons.TowingtheHumveewithanyoftheplatoon’sworking vehicleswas therefore no longer a possibility, so at11:17a.m.theconvoycametoahaltwhereitwas,whichhappenedtobeinavillagecalledMagarah.AstheRangersdismountedtheir trucksand fanned out to create a security perimeter, Lieutenant Uthlautconferred with Farmer, the mechanic, and Eric Godec, the platoonsergeant,todeterminewhattodonext.Farmerconcludedinshortorderthattheylackedthenecessaryspare

parts to repair theHumvee inMagarah, soUthlautgoton the satelliteradio and calledFOBSalerno to request that they either send aheavywrecker to tow the damaged vehicle back to the FOB or dispatch aChinookhelicoptertoslingloaditout.Major David Hodne, Lieutenant Colonel Bailey’s subordinate, was

running the show in the Ranger TOC that morning at Salerno, butUthlautnevercommunicatedwithhimdirectly. Instead,Uthlaut talkedto the Alpha Company executive officer, Captain Kirby Dennis, whorelayed Uthlaut’s communiqués to the Alpha Company commander,CaptainWilliamSaunders,whointurnrelayedwhatwassaidtoMajorHodne.AndthenHodne’sdecisionswouldfilterbackdownthechainofcommand in reverse order to the platoon leader on the ground inMagarah.UthlauttherebyreceivedwordfromDennisviae-mail*at1:30p.m.thatawreckercouldcomeonlyasfarastheendofthepavement—fifteenmiles fromMagarah—becausetheroadsweretooroughbeyondthat point, and that evacuating the Humvee by helicopter was not anoption. The unstated reason for the latter was that the war inAfghanistanwastheBushadministration’sneglectedstepchild.Whenitcametoallocatingresources,Iraqhadbeengivenamuchhigherpriorityby Defense Secretary Rumsfeld, resulting in a severe and chronicshortage of helicopters throughout Afghanistan. Due to an insufficientnumberofoperationalChinooksandcrews to fly them,aminimumoffourdays’advancenoticewasrequiredtoairliftavehicle.With a sling-load operation ruled out, and because abandoning the

fubarHummerwasconsideredsocompletelyunacceptable to thebrassatBagramthatitwasn’tevendiscussedasanoption,Uthlautwastoldhewouldhavetofigureoutawaytogetthesix-thousand-poundalbatrossto thepavedhighway,where thewreckerwould take it off his hands.Not long thereafter, anAfghan from thevillageapproachedoneof theplatoon’sinterpreterstosaythatiftheRangerspaidhim,hewouldtowtheHumveetothepavementwithhis“jinga”truck.(Jingasarefive-tondiesel rigs, ubiquitous throughout South Asia, used to transporteverything from rice to firewood to opium.) Uthlaut hired the jingadriver, and then, while Farmer and several of the Rangers jacked thefrontoftheHumveeupoffthegroundandchainedittothebackofthejingatruck,theplatoonleaderengagedinanextendede-maildiscussionwith Dennis “to figure out what to do about our Mana mission,” asUthlautputit.They considered three options: (1) split the platoon, sending one

element to accompany the jinga (with Humvee in tow) to meet thewreckeratthepavedhighwayandsendingtheotherelementdirectlyto

Manatobegintheclearingoperation;havetheentireplatoonescortthejinga/Humvee to the pavement, leave the inoperable vehicle with thewrecker, and then have the entire platoon travel toMana to clear thevillage; have the entire platoon escort the jinga/Humvee all the waybacktoFOBSalerno,andcanceltheManamissionaltogether.Uthlaut was strongly opposed to splitting the platoon, which hethoughtwould unnecessarily expose hismen to greater danger. All ofUthlaut’s noncommissioned officers were vehemently opposed tosplitting the platoon. Captain Saunders stated repeatedly that he wasopposed to splitting the platoon. By this time it was past 3:00 in theafternoon, however, and Major Hodne was growing increasinglyimpatient.TheproblematicHumveehadalreadydelayedthemissionfortwofulldayswhileFarmerhadtriedtofixitatBCP-5.WhenSaundersaskedHodnewhatheshouldorderUthlauttodo,Hodneangrilyreplied,“Hey,wecan’thaveanentireplatoonbroughttoastopforonebrokenvehicle.”After this exchange with Hodne was over, Saunders testified, “Myunderstandingwasthathesaidtosplittheplatoon.”*Againsthisbetterjudgment, therefore, Saunders told CaptainDennis to orderUthlaut todividetheplatoonandproceedimmediatelywiththebifurcatedmission.Uthlautreceivedthisorderat4:00.Hesentane-mailbacktoDennisin which he adamantly reiterated his objections to this plan. Uthlautfurther explained that it would be nearly dark by the time half theplatoonreachedMana,andthatitwouldbedangerous,impractical,andinviolationofstandardoperatingproceduretoclearavillageafterdark.Dennis replied that Uthlaut’s men weren’t being ordered to clear thevillage that evening; the orderwas simply for them to arrive atManabeforenightfall,overwatchthevillagethroughthenight,andthenbegintheclearingoperationinthemorningaftertheotherhalfoftheplatoonhad delivered the Humvee to the pavement and then joined them atMana.“AftertheresponsefromCaptainDennis,”Uthlauttestified,“IwantedtoensureIunderstoodtheintent,whichwasthatoneelementwouldsetup an assembly area north of the village, but not start clearing thevillage.Thatelementwastobasicallywaitfortherestoftheplatoontoarrive.My pointwas thatwe could accomplish the same end state by

goingwithoption two:bringing thewholeplatoon to thehardtopandbringingthewholeplatoontoassemblyareanorthofthevillage.”Aftermakinghiscasethatthemissioncouldbeaccomplishedjustaseffectivelyandjustasquicklywithoutsplittingtheplatoon,Uthlautwasbaffled by headquarters’ stubborn insistence on dividing it. He askedDennis,“Sotheonlyreasonthatyouwantmetosplitmyplatoonistohavebootsonthegroundinthesectorbeforedark?”“Yes,”Dennisreplied.Dismayed and frustrated, Uthlaut nevertheless accepted thatheadquartershadspokenandthathehadnochoicebuttofolloworders.Amoment later,Uthlaut testified, “I then received a radio call on thesame net” requesting detailed information about where the platoonwouldbesplitting,andwhat routeeachof the twoelementswouldbetraveling, so that A-10Warthogs could be dispatched from Bagram toprovideairsupport in theeventofenemycontact.“IhandedtheradioofftomyForwardObserver,”Uthlautsaid,“andtoldhimtobrieftheAirSupport on these routes. I then called all of my squad leaders andplatoonsergeanttobriefthemontheplan.Itoldthemwhowasassignedtoeachelement….Ishowedmysquadleadersandplatoonsergeanttheroutesofbothelements. I then informed themthatmyelementhad tomoveoutbecausewehadtobesetupbynightfallnorthofMana.”During an investigation of Tillman’s death seven months later,Brigadier General Gary Jones asked Alpha Company first sergeantThomasFuller,“Imean,whatnecessitatedinthismissionrightherethattheyhadtogetdowntheresoquickly?”“Idon’tthinktherewasanything,”Fullertestifiedunderoath.“Ithinkthat a lot of times at higher [headquarters]—maybe even, you know,higher thanbattalion [headquarters]— theymaymakea timeline, andthen we just feel like we have to stick to that timeline. There’s no—there’s no ‘intel’ driving it. There’s no—you know, there’s no eventsdrivingit.It’sjustatimeline,andwefeellikewehavetostickwithit;and that’swhatdrives thatkindof stuff.” Inotherwords, the senseofurgency attached to the mission came from little more than abureaucratic fixation onmeeting arbitrary deadlines somissions couldbe checked off a list and tallied as “accomplished.” This emphasis on

quantification has always been a hallmark of the military, but it wascarriedtonewheightsoffatuityduringDonaldRumsfeld’stenureatthePentagon.Rumsfeldwasobsessedwithachievingpositive“metrics”thatcouldbewieldedtodemonstrateprogressintheGlobalWaronTerror,ortheillusionthereof.

Itwasnowapproximately5:30.TheBlackSheephadbeeninMagarahformorethansixhours.“Whenwefirstgotthere,”saysJacobson,“thewholevillagecameouttogreetus.Theywerecurious.ThekidswouldsticktheirhandsoutforgumandcandyfromtheMREs.Atfirstmostofthemwouldkeeptheirdistance,butassoonassomeoneisbraveenoughto comeup andmake contact, they all get closer, and all of a suddenyour jeep is surrounded by guys. You start getting claustrophobicbecause they’re soclose,andyou’re like, ‘No!Stop!Youneed tomoveback!’Theythinkit’sagametoseehowclosetheycangetbeforeyouchasethemoff.”AccordingtoJacobson,however,“Thevibewasprettychill.Therewereprobablytwohundredpeopleoutthere,alltold,andIwouldsay90percentofthemwerefriendly.Buttherewereafewguysin their twenties and thirties who were kind of sitting on the hill,scowlingatus.Theylookedshady,andtheyweretakingeverythingin.”When Uthlaut was negotiating with the jinga driver through aninterpreterabout towing theHumvee to thepavedhighway, therehadbeen dozens of locals crowded around them. Many of these villagersoverheardexactlywheretheconvoywasheaded.Thiswasstillat leasttwohoursbeforetheplatoondepartedMagarah,ampletimeforwordofthe Rangers’ plans to circulate through the community and for anambushtobeplanned.“Securitywasprettylax,”saysParsons.

We had a pretty good amount of people who kept comingthroughourperimeter.Wasn’tawholelotwecoulddoaboutit.Youcouldbeadick,Iguess,andthreatentoshootanyonewhoapproachedtooclose,butyouwouldn’twinalotofheartsandminds doing that, and hearts and minds was supposed to bewhatthewholethingwasabout….Endedup,oneofthekidsinthevillage,abouteightyearsold,hecomesupandkeepstrying

totalktome.Hewentawayandcamebackdownrightbeforeweweregettingreadytoleave,andhandedmeanotewritteninEnglish.All it saidwas “Come seeme.”Thekidpointedatthenote,thenpointedupatahouseonthehill.Itookthenoteand thought, “This might be important.” So I pass it up toGodec[theplatoonsergeant],butatthatpointwewasgettingreadytomoveoutandhesaid,“Idon’thavetimeforthisshit.”Iarguedwithhimalittlebitaboutit,butthewholerankthingputme at the losing endof the argument. I suppose thenotecould have been about anything. May have been warning usabout the whole ambush situation. May have been aboutnothingatall.

*HanandMcwerethecatsMarieadoptedin1998,soonaftershemovedtoArizonatolivewithPat.The“furs,”asPatcalledthem,werekeepingMariecompanyinthecottageaboveTacomaNarrowswhilePatwasinAfghanistan.

* Although the inhabitants of Afghanistan are correctly termed “Afghans,” members of theAmericanmilitarycommonly refer to themas “Afghanis”or “hajjis.”The“afghani” is actuallytheAfghanunitofcurrency,analogoustotheU.S.dollar.

*After the initial radiocall fromUthlaut toDennis,all furthercommunicationsbetweenthemthroughoutthedaywereviae-mail.

*MajorHodnewouldlater insistthatthedecisiontosplit theplatoonwasSaunders’s,nothis,but the sworn testimony of virtually every other Ranger interrogated about this mattercontradicts Hodne. Hodne would also claim that he didn’t even know the platoon had beendivided atMagarah until the Black Sheep returned to FOB Salerno three days after Tillman’sdeath—which prompted Hodne’s commander, Lieutenant Colonel Bailey, to testify, “To thedegreethathedidn’tknowit,itwouldonlyhavebeenbecausehewasn’tlistening.”

CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE

AssoonasUthlaut’s final request to reconsider theorder todivide theplatoon was denied, he hurried off to brief Eric Godec and his threesquad leaders—GregBaker, Jeffrey Jackson, andMattWeeks—noneofwhom was happy about it. First, however, Uthlaut told his radiooperator,JadeLane,topackupthesatelliteradioandgrabsomethingtoeatbecausetheywereabouttogetmoving.SoLaneandPatTillmansatdowntogetherandsharedanMRE,Lanesays,andastheyate,forsomereasontheconversationturnedtothegenderidentityofAfghanmales.ItiscommoninruralareasofAfghanistantoseemen—evenbattle-scarredfighters—wearingflowersintheirhairandthickblackeyeshadowmadefromsoot.Malesofallagesoftenholdhandswitheachother. It isnotunusual, at remote militia outposts where no women are present, fortheretobeayoungcook-boyinthecampwhoalsoservesasasexslavefor the fighters.Patwas fascinatedby theapparentacceptanceof suchbehavior in this exceedinglymacho, rigidly Islamic society that deemshomosexualitytobebothasinandamortalcrime.According toLane,Patpulledasmall spiralnotebook fromtheright

cargopocketofhispants“andreadmeapartofthisjournalhe’dbeenwriting,abouthowAfghanimenactedeffeminate,whichhethoughtwasbecause the lackof females in their everyday lives kindof pushed themenintoamorefemininestateofmind….Anyway,hereadmethisstufffromhis notebook, and then about fifteen or twentyminutes laterwerolledout.”

Immediately before an Army platoon embarks on a mission, all thesoldierswilltypicallyassemblefora“convoybrief”or“missionbrief”bythe platoon leader; if headquarters issues a “fragmentary order” thatsubsequently changes the mission, the platoon leader will give hissoldiersa“FRAGObrief”beforeproceeding. Ineithercase, theplatoonleaderorplatoonsergeantwillexplainexactlywheretheplatoonwillbegoing, precisely what they will be doing, and other pertinentinformation.Duringthebriefing,allsoldierstypicallywillberemindedwhattodoifavehicleisattackedwithanIEDandwhattodoiftheyare

ambushed by enemy fighters. In the event of the latter, they will bereminded to respond initially with an intense fusillade of suppressivefire,butthentoquickly“controlyourfires”—thatis, tosharplyreducethe volume of fire and shoot no more than necessary. They will bereminded to “gowhere your team leader goes, and shoot where yourteamleadershoots.”Theywillberemindedtofollowthecurrentrulesofengagement. If AMF or other Afghan soldiers will be involved in themission,theU.S.forceswillberemindedofthatfactaswell,andwillbeadmonishednot tomistake these friendlyAfghan troops forTalibanoral-Qaeda. Above all, the American soldiers will be reminded to “PIDyour targets”— that is, to positively identifywhomever they intend toshootasanenemycombatantbeforepullingthetrigger.Becauselessthananhourofdaylightremained,however,andUthlaut

hadbeenorderedtogethalfhisplatoontoManabeforenightfall,therewasnotimetogiveaFRAGObrieftotheentireplatoonbeforemovingout of Magarah. In the pointless rush to get under way, none of thestandard caveats listed above was mentioned. Beyond Uthlaut, theplatoon sergeant, and the three squad leaders, onlya fewof theBlackSheepunderstoodwheretheyweregoingorwhytheplatoonhadbeensplit.Uthlaut took commandof SerialOne, the elementheaded forMana.

HeassignedGodectotakechargeofSerialTwo,whichwouldescortthejingatruck,withthebustedHumveeintow,tothepavedhighway.Andthen, just before driving out of the village, Uthlaut contactedheadquartersonelasttimetoaskiftheywouldreassesstheirdecisiontodividetheplatoon.“ImadeonefinalcoordinationwithCaptainDennis,”Uthlauttestified,“pertainingtothe.50-calmachinegunthatwasonthebrokenHumvee.”BecausethefubarvehiclewouldbegoingwithSerialTwo, Uthlaut’s element would be heading out without this reassuringheavy weapon. “I emailed Captain Dennis relating that one of ourelementswouldnothavea.50-cal,”Uthlautsaid,“andmyquestionwaswhetherornot thatwouldaffect thechosencourseofaction (splittingtheplatoon).CaptainDennisrepliedthatthe.50-caldidnotchangethesituationandtocontinuetoexecute,asdiscussed.”So the six vehicles in Serial One left Magarah around 6:00, with

Uthlaut’s Humvee at the head of the convoy. Pat Tillman was in the

second vehicle, aHilux pickup piled highwith cartons of rations. “Hewas in the back of the truck sitting on top of these cardboard boxes,looking like the king of MREs,” says Sergeant Mel Ward, who wasdrivingaHumveeimmediatelybehindtheHilux.“Itwasobvioushewasgoing to get bounced off the first time the truck hit a bump, sosomebody told him to get down from there,” prompting Pat to climbdownandwedgehimselfintothebackseatofthepickup’screwcab.The last vehicle in Serial One was a Hilux with a machine gunmounted in its bed, occupied by threeAfghan soldiers.A fewminutesafter this AMF truck rolled north out of Magarah, the first vehicle inSerialTwo—aHumveecommandedbyStaffSergeantGregBaker—alsodeparted the village, followed by the remaining five vehicles in thesecond element.KevinTillmanwas at the very tail endof theparade,manning the gun turret of a Humvee being driven by Jason Parsons,with Eric Godec, the platoon sergeant, in the passenger’s seat.ImmediatelyinfrontofthemwasthewreckedHumveebeingtowedbythejingatruck.AsthetwelvevehiclesofthetwoelementspitchedandheavedslowlydowntheriverbedthatledoutofMagarah,thedistancebetweenthelastvehicle in SerialOne and the first vehicle in Serial Twowas nomorethanacoupleofhundredyards.Amileandthree-quartersnorthofthevillage,Uthlaut’sHumveearrivedataforkinthewadiandturnedleft,followedbytheothervehiclesinSerialOne.AfewminuteslaterwhenBaker’sHumveearrivedat this junction,he turned to the right, asdidthenexttwoHumveesinSerialTwo,butwhentheAfghanjingadrivergottothefork,hestoppedhisbatteredredtruckandrefusedtofollow.When Uthlaut was ordered to send half his platoon to the pavedhighway with the broken Humvee, he was led to believe thatheadquartersmeant for him to reverse the route the Black Sheep haddriven from FOB Salerno to BCP-5 eight days earlier, which was themostdirectwayback to thepavement andwas theonly routehewasfamiliarwith.Itwasatreacheroustrack,however,whichwouldtakehisRangersupandovera sixty-five-hundred-footescarpmentbymeansofsteep,extremelyruggedgoattrails.WhentheBlackSheepfirsttraveledthisrouteonApril14,theyencounteredterrainsoprecipitousthattheirvehicleswere in danger of rolling over and tumbling hundreds of feet

downthemountainside;uponeventuallymakingittothevalleyontheother side, the platoon told Captain Saunders that the route was“impassable.”AccordingtoSaunders,Uthlaut’smeninsisted“theywouldnotdriveitagain.Theyjustsaiditwastoodangerous.”Nevertheless,Uthlauthadinterpretedhisorderstomeanthatthiswas

therouteSerialTwowassupposed to take,andduringhisextendede-maildebatewithheadquartersaboutdividingtheplatoon,nobodytoldhimotherwise.Whenhismanyobjectionstotheplanfellondeafears,hedutifullysplittheplatoonandorderedSerialTwotoescortthejingaoverthemountain,eventhoughheandallthemenunderhiscommandthought doing so was risky and pointless. In the Army, you followorders.Butthenthe jingadriver,whowasintimatelyfamiliarwiththe local

topography,balkedathaulingthewreckedHumveeoverthemountain.Throughaninterpreter,hemanagedtoexplaintotheAmericansthatifSerial Two simply followed Serial Onewest toMana and then turnednorthjustpasttheslotcanyon,theycouldreachtheirdestinationviaamuch easier route. Although more circuitous, it would actually takethemtothepavedhighwaymorequicklyandwithconsiderablylessriskbygoingaroundthemountaininsteadofoverit.ThismadegoodsensetoSergeantGodec,soheorderedSerialTwotoreversecourseandgothesamewaySerialOnehadgone.Whenall theHumveesmanagedtogetturnedaround,Godecputthejingatruckatthefrontoftheprocession,andtheconvoybeganrollingslowlydowntherock-strewnfloorof thewaditowardtheentrancetothenarrows,approximatelyfifteenminutesbehindSerialOne.AsthevehiclesofSerialTwobumpedalongtheriverbedintothemaw

oftheslot,itssteepsidesandtightconfinesputmanyoftheRangersonedge. “The canyon was unbelievably narrow and the walls just shotstraight up,” says Brad Jacobson, who was driving the second-to-lastvehicle in theconvoy.“I’veneverseenanything like it inmy life.Andthewaythesunwassetting,theshadows—itwascreepy.”Justafterheenteredthenarrows,ashesteeredhisHumveearoundasharpbendtotheleft,therewasaloudexplosion,andthevehiclesaheadofhimcameto a sudden halt. “Everyone started yelling, ‘IED! IED!’ ” Jacobsonremembers. “Thatwas our first instinct—that a vehicle had gotten hit

with an IED, and when that happens, you immediately stop anddismount.Butaboutfivesecondslatertherewasanotherexplosion,andIrealizedweweregettinghitwithmortars.”The firstmortar roundexplodedon the floorof thecanyonbetween

thejingatruck,whichwasinthelead,andGregBaker’sHumvee,whichwasnextinline.Thesecondmortarhitthesideofthecanyonabovetheconvoy, sending rocks crashing down around the vehicles, and then athirdmortarexplodedinthesamearea.Afewsecondslatertheconvoystarted receiving fire from small arms, promptingGodec to get on theradio. “Go!Go!Go!”he yelled. “It’s not IEDs! It’smortars!”When theRangers got back in their Humvees and tried to drive out of the killzone,however,theycouldn’t,becausethejingatruckwasstoppedattheheadoftheline,blockingtheway,andthevehicle’sAfghandriverwasstilloutsidethevehicle,coweringbeneathanoverhangatthebaseofthecliff.“There was a lot of tunnel vision, a lot of panic,” recalls Jason

Parsons, who was driving the last vehicle in the convoy. “I seen asilhouetteontopofthehilltoournorthwhichIbelievedwasapossibleforwardobserverfortheenemy,callinginthemortarroundsonus.SoIengaged that position, and the rest ofmy trigger-happy crew engagedthatpositionaswell.”PedroArreolatargetedthenorthernridgelinewithhis240Bravomachinegun,andKyleJonesshottwentyroundsfromhisM4towardthesamearea.Kevin Tillman, up in the turret of Parsons’sHumvee, thought about

shootinghisMark19grenadelauncher,amachinegunthatvomitsforthegg-size,high-explosivebomb-letsattherateofonepersecond.Buthewasworriedabout firing it in suchanarrowcanyon, lest thegrenadesstriketheverticalrockwallsabovetheconvoyandbouncebackdown.AccordingtoKevin’stestimony,“Myimmediatereactionwas,‘IfIshootthisweapon,it’sgoingtolandrightbackonmyheadorsomeoneelse’shead.’…SoIdidn’tfire.”Hedid,however,attempttolockandloadtheMark19tobepreparedtoshoot,butwhenhepulledbackthecharginghandletofeedaroundontotheboltface,thegunjammed,andhewasunabletofireasinglegrenadeduringtheentirefirefight.Baker,meanwhile,ranaheadtowherethejingadriverwashidingand

shouted,“Hey!Wehavetogetthisvehicleoutofhere!”Bakerforcedthe

Afghantogetbackinthedriver’sseat,hoppedintothecabbesidehim,and got him to start moving forward so the convoy could escape theambush. Baker’s Humvee, driven by Sergeant Kellett Sayre, followedclosebehindthejingaastheRangersridinginitblastedtheridgetothenorthwitha.50-calibermachinegun,a240Bravomachinegun,twoorthreeM4s,andanM203grenadelauncher.Theconvoydroveasfastaspossibledowntheeasternportionofthecanyon,buttheywereseldomabletomovemorerapidlythanfivemilesperhourduetotheroughterrain;enemyfighterscontinuedtoshootatthem all thewhile from the ridge far above. Baker, in the passenger’sseatofthejinga,impulsivelysmashedoutthewindowwiththebuttofhisM4 and returned fire.Whenhe broke thewindow,Baker testified,thejingadrivergot“allpissedatme.Ithoughtthatwaskindofweirdatthetime.”As Parsons’s Humvee bounced down the wadi, the canyon was sonarrow, he says, that “we lost the 240 [machine gun] mounted onArreola’s side because he didn’t pull it in; the gun hit a rock and gotyankedoff.”ParsonshadtostopwhileArreolajumpedoffandretrievedtheweapon,whichhaditsbuttstockshearedoffinthecollision.The thirdvehicle in theconvoy, rolling justbehindBaker’sHumvee,wasaHumveecommandedbySergeantFirstClassStevenWalter,whosawanothermortarroundexplodehighonthecanyonwallabovethem,after which the nervous and confused jinga driver stopped yet again,bringing the whole convoy to a halt behind him, because the canyonremainedmuchtoonarrowforanyonetodrivearoundthebigtruck.Atthis second stop, most of the Rangers once more dismounted theirHumvees.Lookingupatthehighgroundtotheirnorth,Waltersaidthathe“observedfourenemypersonnelonthenorthernridgeline,”runningwestalongthehighground,wearing“grayman-dresses.”WaltershotatthemwithhisM4,andBradJacobsonquicklysetupamortartubeandfireda60-millimetermortartowardtheridgecrestaswell.WithinacoupleofminutesBakerconvinced the jingadriver to startmoving again, and the convoy proceeded through the confines of thelimestone slot, by which time most, if not all, of the enemy fire hadceased, although the Rangers in Baker’s Humvee continued shootinghundreds of rounds as they drove. Approximately three-quarters of a

milebeyondtheplacewheretheywerefirstattacked,thejingalurchedoutof thewestern endof thenarrows, thevalley abruptlyopenedup,andthetruckcametoahaltagain,asdidBaker’sHumveejustbehindit.Asthevehiclesrolledtoastop,theycameintoviewofBryanO’NealandPat Tillman,whowere kneeling behind a pair of low boulders on thehillsideabove,lookingdownfromonlyninetyyardsaway.

CHAPTERTHIRTY

WhenthefirstmortarexplodednearSerialTwoattheeasternendofthecanyon,SerialOnehadjustexitedthewesternendofthenarrows.Uponhearing the explosions and ensuing gunfire, twelve of the twentyRangersinSerialOne,includingTillman,scrambledoutoftheirvehiclesand,underthecommandofStaffSergeantMattWeeks,hurriedtowardhighgroundoverlookingthemouthofthenarrowstoprovidecoveringfire for Serial Two. Uthlaut and his radio operator, Jade Lane, stayedbehind to establish satellite radio communications with headquartersfrom Uthlaut’s Humvee in order to call in tactical air support, afterwhichtheyintendedtomoveuptothehighgroundthemselves.Therouteupwardwassteepandstrenuous,promptingTillmantoask

Weeks for permission to shed his body armor,whichweighed twenty-fivepounds,inordertobeable“tomaneuverfaster,”arequestthatwasin keeping with his approach to athletic challenges. Throughout hisfootballcareerTillmanhadelectedtowearfewerandsmallerpadsthanmanyoftheotherplayers,believingtheresultingincreaseinspeedandmaneuverability made him less likely to receive an injurious hit. TheArmy did things differently from the NFL, though. Ever since theinvasionofIraq,bodyarmor(or,morespecifically,theunavailabilityofeffectivebodyarmorforsomesoldiers)hadbeenasensitiveissue.Asaresult of political fallout, a decree had come down from the highestlevelsofCentralCommandthatregulationbodyarmorabsolutelymustbewornwhenevercontactwiththeenemywas likely.Weeks thus toldTillmanthat“no,hecouldn’t”drophisarmor.

After five minutes, the squad reached a grubby settlement. As theymoved warily between the crumbling adobe buildings, struggling tocatchtheirbreath,theyconstantlyscannedforanyoneoranythingthatappeared threatening. They saw only one male beyond the age ofpuberty—a crippled old man. There were some forty other peoplepresentaswell,butallofthemwerewomenorveryyoungchildren.Theconspicuous lack of adult males in the settlement during the eveningmealtime,whenatleastonemanistypicallypresentineveryhousehold,suggestedthePashtunvillagerswerealliedwiththeTalibanandthatthe

absentmenweresomewhereupontheadjacentridges,participatingintheambushonSerialTwo.Beyondthevillagethesquad laboredupwardthroughlowclumpsof

snakeweed to the crest of a bald spur, where everyone halted exceptTillman, O’Neal, and Sayed Farhad,* the Afghan militia fighter, whocontinuedoverthetopanddroppedsixtyyardsdownthefarsideofthespur to apair of large rocksoverlooking the canyon floorwhere they,too,cametoastop.Whenanenemyfighterbeganshootingatthemfromtheoppositesideofthecanyon,acrossthewadi,TillmandirectedO’NealandFarhadtofireattheenemyposition.ThenTillmansprintedbackuptheslope,underfire,toletWeeksknowwhattheywereupto.Whenhearrivedatopthespur,TillmanexplainedtoWeeksthathe’d

found cover for his team behind some boulders, and that they wereengagingbadguyslocatedacrossthevalley.Weeksroseupononeknee,peered over at the rocks where Tillman’s team was positioned, andexpressedhisapprovalofPat’splanofaction.AfterwhichTillmanranbackdowntheslopetorejoinO’NealandFarhad.OneofsevenAfghanMilitia Forces who had rolled out of Magarah as part of Serial One,Farhadhad been awed byTillman’s physical prowess and charmed byhis congenial manner during the previous day’s rock-tossing contest.Perhapsthisexplainswhy,whenFarhadsawTillmanandO’Nealrushupthe hill independently from the other Rangers in Weeks’s squad, hespontaneouslydecidedtofollowthem,eventhoughtherestoftheAMFremainedwith their trucks in thewadi.And thus did Farhadwind upbesideTillmanandO’Nealattheboulders.Backuponthecrestofthespur,theradioonWeeks’schestbeganto

spit and crackle: itwas a broken transmission between the vehicles ofSerialTwo.AlthoughWeeks immediately tried to reach them,he latertestified,“everytimeI’dmakeatransmission…itwouldbesteppedonby somebody”—he would be interrupted by soldiers attempting totransmitonseveralradiosat thesametime.WeekscouldhearRangersfromSerialTwo frantically callingotherRangers inSerialTwo,but inthe chaos of the firefight they didn’t seem to be able to hear oneanother’s transmissions, nor did they seem to hear his transmissions.Despiteseveralattempts,WeeksneverraisedanyonefromSerialTwo.The last person to joinWeeks atop the spur was Russell Baer, who

arriveddrenchedinsweat.“Iwasdraggingass,”headmits.“Iwaspissedatmyself for being so smoked.” As hewas struggling up the slope tocatchuptohissquad,Baerbeganhearingstrangebuzzingandcrackingnoises, almost like static electricity. “I remember thinking, ‘What thefuckisthatsound?’”hesays.“Itwasn’t likeanythingI’deverheard.Ididn’trealizeuntillaterthatitwasthesoundofroundswhizzingpast.”Specialist Jean-Claude Suhl was positioned not far from Baer. Heimmediately understood that theywere being shot at. “You’dhear thesnap of the rounds” cutting the air, he recalled. But neither Suhl noranyone else in Serial One could tell where the shooting was comingfrom.The forward observer assigned to Serial One, Specialist Donald Lee,heardanairplaneflyingoverhead,andwonderedif theA-10Warthogshe’drequestedforcloseairsupporthadarrivedonthescene.Warthogshave jet engines that emit a deafening, high-pitched scream, however,andtheaircraftLeewashearingsoundedmorelikealawnmower.“AsIlistened closer I knew it was a Predator drone,” he testified. SeveralotherRangersalsosaidtheyheardthedrone.Asmall,unmanned,prop-drivenairplanepoweredbyasnowmobileengine,itwasbeingflownbyapilotsittinginatrailerintheNevadadesertbymeansofajoystickandvideo screen. Predator drones are equipped with hi-tech cameras thatfunction in daylight or darkness; some carry missiles as well. Cloudyconditions at Bagram, it turned out, had kept theWarthogs from evertaking off, but headquarters later confirmed that a Predator wasoverheadduring the firefight, anda civilian contractor atBagram saidthat he remembered seeing the Predator’s video feed. During thenumerous investigations thatwouldbeundertakenover thenext threeyears, the Army and the CIA nevertheless asserted that no such videoexisted.As Lee listened to the Predator circling overhead, a 40-millimetergrenadeexplodedthirtyfeetfromRussellBaer,whowaslyingproneonthespuraboveWeeks.“Itwasreallyfuckingclose,”Baerrecalls,shakinghishead.“Isawapuffofdirtriseup,thenBOOM!Itblewmyeardrumout,rupturedit.”Hebelievestheexplosion“wasn’tbigenoughtobeamortarround.Ifitwas,I’dbedead.Ithinkitwasa203round”—a40-millimeter grenade fired from an M203 grenade launcher, which is a

tubelike attachment that snaps intoplacebeneath thebarrel of anM4carbine. Neither Taliban nor al-Qaeda forces possessed M203 grenadelaunchers.Another40-millimetergrenadeexplodedjustfifteenfeetfromBradley

Shepherd, showering him with gravel. Not long after that, says JoseyBoatright, “I remember hearing a hard whistle, then this distinctscreamingnoise.Ihadnoideawhereitwascomingfrom.”UnbeknownsttoBoatright,thelatterwasthesoundofanAT4—aone-shotdisposablebazooka that shoots a powerful rocket designed to penetrate fortifiedbunkers or steel armor. It had been fired by a Ranger in Serial TwonamedChadJohnson,whowasstandingjustoutofsightbeyondalowrise.ThegrenadesthathadnearlynailedBaerandShepherdamomentearlier had probably been lobbed from Johnson’s M203 grenadelauncher.UnawarethattheywerebeingshotatbyfellowRangers,SergeantMel

Ward figured theirpositionwasbeingbracketedbyenemymortars, soheyelled to their squad leader,“Sarn’tWeeks!We’re taking indirect!”*Catchingaglimpseofsomemovementonadistantridgethathethoughtwas the shooter, Jean-Claude Suhl let loosewith a burst fromhis 240Bravo machine gun, prompting the Rangers beside him to startfrantically squeezingoff roundswith their smaller-caliberM4carbines,ratchetingup the tension and chaos, untilWeeks shouted, “Cease fire!Everybody cease fire!” All they were doing, he later explained, “waskicking up dirt on the hilltops…. They weren’t able to see what theywereshootingat,andfurthermore…thedistancewasabout800metersfromwhereweweretowheretheywereshooting,andyouknow,withM4s that’s kind of futile.” He commanded his men to control theiremotionsandrefrainfromshootingunlesstheycouldpositivelyidentifywhattheywereshootingat.“Weeks only fired one round during the entire firefight,” says

Boatright.“Hestayedrealcalm.Beforehand,whenwewerebackintherear,hewasmoreonedge,morehyper.But itwaseeriehowcalmhegotoncetheshootingstarted.AfterthatIalwayscalledhim‘MyGodofWar.’He’dbeen therebefore.Hestayedcooland tookcontrolbecauseheknewthat’swhathehadtodo.”Althoughtheycouldn’tidentifytheenemyshooters,incomingrounds

continuedtopeppertheeartharoundtheRangershunkeredalongonthespur. Because the shots seemed to be coming primarily from the east,Weeks and his men dropped just below the crest to the west, theoppositesideofthespurfromthepairofboulderswhereTillman’sfireteamwaspositioned.These boulders rested on a steep slope, about three feet apart,with

one slightly uphill and to the east of the other. Tillmanwas kneelingnexttothehigherrock,O’Nealwaskneelingbehindthelowerrock,andFarhad was standing on the exposed hillside fifteen or twenty feetdownhill and to the west of O’Neal. Although the boulders wereapproximatelysix feet long, theyprotrudedbarelytwelve inchesabovethegroundontheiruphillsides.AsTillmanandO’Nealkneeledbehindthem,therocksrosenohigherthanthesoldiers’thighs.The rocks nevertheless provided a clear view of the mouth of the

canyon. Not long after Tillman rejoined O’Neal and Farhad at theboulders after speakingwithWeeks atop the spur, the lead vehicle inSerialTwo,thejingatruck,camerumblingoutofthenarrowsandhaltednexttothestoneretainingwallofaterracedopiumfieldthatjuttedintotheriverbed.AmomentlateraHumveespedoutofthecanyonaswellandcametoanabruptstopbehindthejinga.SeveralAmericansoldiersthen hopped out of the Humvee and started shooting up the slopetowardTillman’sfireteam.————

StaffSergeantGregBaker,ahighlyregardedsquad leader,hadarrivedinthejingatruck.SixRangersandanAfghaninterpreterunderBaker’scommandarrivedinthevehiclenowparkedbehindthejinga.Aversionof Humvee favored by Special Operations Forces called a GMV (forground mobility vehicle), it had no armor, roof, doors, or windowsexceptthefrontwindshield,inordertogivesoldiersunimpededsectorsoffirefromeveryseat.TheRangersridinginthisGMVhadstartedfiringtheirweaponswhen

the first mortar shell had exploded near Serial Two at the easternentrance to the canyon, and they’d continued shooting at real andimagined enemy positions on the cliffs above them as they drove

throughthegorge.TheshootingstoppedforalittlewhilewhentheGMVexited the western end of the canyon and came to a halt behind thejinga, but it resumed again after several Rangers climbed out of thevehicle.AlthoughTillman,O’Neal,andFarhadcouldseeBaker’smenshootingupatthem,initiallythefirewasintermittent,andtheyweren’tterriblyconcerned.Itwasonly“maybeacoupleburstsfromanM4,”O’Neallatertestified. “We did a lot of waving up top, like, ‘Hey, we’re friendly,’because it wasn’t—it wasn’t real serious. Like, they weren’t reallyseriouslyshootingatustowherewethoughtwereally,reallyhadtogetdown.AndIfigured,youknow,itwasjustamistakeanyway,liketheyshotacoupletimesandtheywerelike,‘Oh,they’refriendlyupthere,sostop shooting.’ ” After Tillman and O’Neal waved and shouted “Ceasefire!” a few times, the shooting petered out, O’Neal recalled, “So wefiguredwewerefine.”When they had first arrived at the boulders overlooking thewadi afewminutes earlier, Tillmanhad seen an enemy fighter firing at themfrom atop a lightly forested promontory high on the other side of thecanyon; the mortar that had shot the opening salvos was probablylocated there as well. Although O’Neal could see muzzle flashesemanating from the enemy’s weapons on the other side of the valleysome four hundred yards away, he couldn’t make out the actualshooters. So Tillman fired a burst from his SAW at this enemy gunemplacement to indicate where he wanted his team to lay downsuppressivefire,afterwhich,saysO’Neal,“MeandtheAMFsoldierthenbegantoengagethepositionthatPatwasdirectingustofireon.”WhenBaker’sHumveedroveoutofthenarrows,O’NealandFarhadwerestillshootingattheenemypositionacrossthecanyon.Downon the valley floor, after approximately aminute theRangersfiring at Tillman’s position climbed back into their Humvee, whichstarted moving again, then drove around the parked jinga truck andturned the corner where the wadi bent sharply to the right past thecorner of the opium field. Kellett Sayrewas driving. Greg Baker,whohadgottenoutof the jingaduringthestop,wasnowback in the frontpassenger’s seat of the Humvee. Immediately behind them, up in theturret,StephenAshpolemanned theheavy .50-calibermachinegun. In

thewaistseattohisrightwasChadJohnson,ariflemanandgrenadier.To Ashpole’s left was Trevor Alders, a SAW gunner. Steve Elliott wasstandingattherightrearoftheHumvee,wherehis240Bravomachinegunwasmountedonaswingarm.IntherearseatwereJamesRoberts,ayoung rifleman and grenadier, and an Afghan interpreter known asWallid.Havingjustblastedtheirwayoutoftheambushkillzone,Bakerandhismenwereampedand jumpy.Severalof themhadneverpreviouslybeen in a firefight. Their weapons were charged, and they remainedhyperalert,primed to shootanythingoranyonewho seemed toposeathreat.Although some soldiers in the platoon saidBaker could be vain andarrogant on occasion, even his critics conceded that he was anexceptional soldier and a superb squad leader. In Iraq, before beingpromoted to the leaderofFirstSquad,BakerhadbeenKevinTillman’steamleader,andbothTillmanbrothershadremarkedonmorethanoneoccasionthatBakerwas“shithot”and“totallysquaredaway”—amongthe highest compliments one Ranger can pay another. Pat and Kevinweresoimpressedwithhimthatthey’devenexpressedthedesiretobeinBaker’ssquad.AstheHumveeroundedthecornerdelineatedbythestonewalloftheopiumfield,Baker“noticedAK-47muzzleflashtomyrightside”inthegloaming.TheflashwasfromaKalashnikovautomaticriflebelongingtoasmalldark-skinnedmanwithablackbeard.ThebeardandtheAK-47causedBakertodeduce,correctly,thattheshooterwasanAfghan.ButthisAfghanwaswearingBDUs—aversionof theAmericanbattledressuniformprintedwiththesamethree-colordesertcamouflagepatternastheRangerswerewearing—whichshouldhavealertedBakerthathewasAMF,notTaliban.Theuniformoftheenemywastheshalwarkameez—what the Rangers referred to as a “man-dress” or “man jammies”: thetunic-and-baggy-pantsensemblewornbyvirtuallyeverymalePashtuninKhostwhowasn’tamemberoftheAMForAfghanNationalPolice.BakertestifiedthathenoticedtheAfghanwaswearingBDUs,eveninthe fading twilight. But Baker also saw that theAfghan’sweaponwaspointed in his direction with flames spitting from its muzzle. Bakerbelieved that the Afghanwas trying to kill him, and his reflexes took

over:heputhiseye to thescopeofhisM4,centered its redelectronicdot on the Afghan’s chest, thumbed the selector lever from “SAFE” to“SEMI,”andthensqueezedthetriggersixtimesinrapidsuccession.Nomore than three seconds elapsed from the time he first noticed theAfghanuntilhecompletedfiringthesixrounds.Although Baker was shooting from the front seat of a Humvee

bouncingoverarockyriverbed,histargetwaslessthansixty-fiveyardsaway.“Wetrainedalot,andhewasanexcellentmarksman,”JadeLane,theplatoon’sradiooperator,reflects.“Forhimtoshoottheguyfromamovingvehicleatthatrangewouldnotbeanamazingfeat.”Twoofthe.223-caliberbulletsfromBaker’scarbinehittheAfghaninthechest,hislegscrumpledbeneathhim,andhe flopped to theground ina twistedheap.ThedeadAfghanwasnotanenemyfighter.HewasSayedFarhad,the

twenty-seven-year-old AMF soldier who’d attached himself to TillmanandO’Neal.Andhehadn’tbeen shootinghisAK-47atBaker;actually,he’dbeentryingtoprotectBakerandhismenbyprovidingcoveringfire,shootingattheenemypositionfarabovethewadionthesouthsideofthe canyon in order to deter the bad guys from firing down at theAmericanvehicleasitrolledpast.

As Kellett Sayre steered the Humvee around the corner of the opiumfield,hesawthesixvehiclesofSerialOneparkedthreehundredyardsstraight ahead. Glancing up the slope to his right, he identified fourRangers high on the spur, franticallywaving their arms to signal thattheywere fellowAmericans.Sayrebarked, “Friendlieson top!”hopingtopreventhiscolleaguesintheHumveefromdoinganythingstupid,buthe was a split second too late. The other soldiers in the truck hadalready started to shoot, afterwhich Sayre’s frantic screams of “Ceasefire! Cease fire!” were lost beneath the din of gunfire. In the ensuingfusillade, hundreds of bullets were directed at the boulders whereTillmanandO’Nealhadtakencover.Kneelingbehindhisboulder,believingtheRangersinBaker’sHumvee

had recognized him and Tillman as American soldiers, O’Neal wasdumbstruck by the enormous volume of fire suddenly aimed at his

position. Large-caliber rounds slammed into the earth all around him.DozensofbulletsstrucktherocksbehindwhichheandTillmannowhid,blastingshardsof limestonefromtheboulders likeshrapnel.Accordingto O’Neal’s testimony to Brigadier General Gary Jones during asubsequent investigation, theRangers in theHumvee “fired for agoodforty-fivesecondstoaminute.Itfeltlikeforever,somaybeitcouldhavebeenlikeaminute,minuteandthirtyseconds,butitfeltlikeacoupleofhours,sir,youknowwhatImean,sir?”Whenaskedifherecognizedthefacesofanyoftheshooters,O’Neal

replied, “I could just see persons, sir. There wasn’t enough light torecognizefaces,butIcouldtellthattheyweremybuddies,youknow?Icouldtellthattheywerefriendlies,guysthatIworkedwithandIjust—Imean, I didn’t know who was who. I just knew that they were myfriends.”Eventually, O’Neal testified, he tossed his rifle aside “because I

thoughtmaybe if I threwmyweapon down theywould stop firing atus.” But the shooting didn’t stop, so he flung himself onto the groundandcurled intoa fetalposition.“Ibegantoprayout loud,”hesaid.“IwassureIwasgoingtodie….PatthenaskedmewhyIwaspraying,heaskedmewhatitcoulddoforme.”As Baker’s Humvee kept driving down the wadi, the shooters

continued to spew bullets with reckless disregard, raking the entirehillside.Sayre,indesperation,reachedbackandgrabbedtheleftlegofStephenAshpole,whowas standing justbehindhim in thegun turret;althoughSayrerepeatedlyyankedonthemachinegunner’strouserswithonehandwhilesteeringwiththeother,franticallytryingtogethimtostop shooting, Ashpole was so focused on firing his weapon that hefailedtonotice.Upon the spur aboveTillman,Weeks’s squadwas spreadacross the

open slope, completely vulnerable to the fusillade. Private Will AkerlookeddownattheHumveeandsawSteveElliottspraybulletsfromhis240 Bravomachine gun across the spur and into the buildings of thevillage. “He looked real panicked,” Aker recalls. “He was shootingeverywhere.Oneofhisbulletshit,like,thisfarfrommyfoot.”Heholdshishandstwelveinchesaparttodemonstratehowcloseitwas.

“You could see rounds impacting all around us,” remembers RussellBaer, a SAW gunner. “The air was filled with weird noises as bulletswhizzed by. They just wouldn’t stop shooting. I came so close toshootingbackatthoseguys.IknewIwouldbeabletokilleveryoneofthemwithmy SAW. It didn’t seem like anything elsewas gonna stopthem.I’mgladIdidn’tdoit,butitdefinitelycrossedmymind.”

*FormorethanayearafterTillman’sdeath,theArmyreportedthattheidentityofthisAfghansoldierwasunknownand thenannounced thathisnamewasThani.This is incorrect.HewasnamedSayedFarhad.

*Roundslobbedfrommortars,howitzers,grenadelaunchers,andothervarietiesofartilleryareknownasindirectfire.Bulletsshotfromriflesandmachinegunsarecalleddirectfire.

CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE

Atthebeginningoftheambush,whenSergeantWeekshadledhissquadup through the village and onto the crest of the spur overlooking themouth of the canyon, the platoon leader, David Uthlaut, and hisnineteen-year-old radiooperator, JadeLane,had remainedbehindatthevehiclesinordertocallheadquartersandsoundthealertthatSerialTwohadbeenambushed.Aftercompletingtheirradiocommunications,theymovedup to the village and positioned themselves beside a two-storymudhomeabove thewadi,where theybeganshootingatenemyfightingpositions across the canyonwith theirM4carbines. “Wewererightnexttothebuilding,”saysLane.“ThePL[platoonleader]andmewereusingthewallascover.IrememberthePLwasstandingupandIwas on a knee. Suddenly therewas an explosion that blewme to theground. It fuckedupthePL’s facereallybad.Hewasbleedingallovertheplace,bleedingoutofhismouth.Hewasreallymessedupanddidn’teven realize it. Itwasn’t until I told him—Iwas like, ‘Hey, sir, you’repretty fucked- up.’He said, ‘I am?’ Then he touched his face and sawthathisNomex*wasjustsoakedinblood.”Tenorfifteensecondslaterabullet demolished Lane’s left knee. As he crawled away trying to findcover from the incoming fire, another bullet hit him in the chest,ricochetedoffhisbodyarmor,andgrazedhisrightshoulder,searinghisflesh.Lane assumed he had been shot by a Talibwielding an AK-47, and

that Uthlaut had been wounded by an enemy mortar. In truth, thebulletsthathitLanehadbeenfiredbyamachinegunneronGregBaker’sHumvee,andtheblast thatnailedtheplatoon leaderhadcomefroma40-millimeter high-explosive round most likely fired from ChadJohnson’sM203grenadelauncher.When he lobbed the grenade that probably shredded Uthlaut’s face

with shrapnel, Johnson was standing near Baker’s Humvee beneathTillman’s position, just out of sight around the last bend in thewadi.

Less than a minute after Uthlaut was wounded, the Humvee roaredaround the corner and came into view. “As soon as it rounded thecorner,”Laneremembers,

the guns on it just opened up and you could see a massiveamountof rounds coming in.Evenbefore I saw thevehicle, Icould see rounds hitting next to where Tillman and O’Nealwere,impactingontheground,butatthatpointIdidn’tknowitwascoming fromBaker’sHumvee. I thought theywere stillundersomeseriousfirefromtheenemy.IevengotontheradioandwasscreamingattheETAC,*“Weneedhelp!Weneedfiresupport rightnow!” Ididn’tknowthatwhatwereallyneededwas forourownguys to stop shootingatus.Once theycamearoundthecorner,Iknewinstantlythatthoseroundswerenotcomingfromtheenemy.Astheygotcloser, Icouldseewherethe 240 Bravowas aiming. I couldn’t, like, recognize Elliott’sface,butIknewthatwhoeverwasonthe240wasshootingatourposition.

When Stephen Ashpole, the .50-caliber machine gunner, was lateraskedbyinvestigatorswhyheandtheotherRangersonBaker’svehicledidn’tpositivelyidentifytheirtargetsbeforefiring,heexplained:

Youaredrilledintoasaprivate,shootwhereyourteamleadershoots…. We came around a curve…. Sergeant Baker thencalled fire and I transitionedmyweaponand saw somequickshapesandfiredwhereSergeantBakerandtheotherguyswerefiring….IknowthereisaconflictingissueaboutPID-ingyourtarget,butSergeantBakerwasoneofthosegreatsoldiers.Soifhe was to call fire somewhere, you would trust him. Part ofyour job is following that. I firedwherehe called fire…. IdonotfaultSergeantBakerfordoingwhathedid,whenhesawanAfghanifiringinourdirection.Itwasoneofthosesplit-seconddecisionsthatunfortunatelyturnedoutdisastrous.

Other members of the platoon were less magnanimous about thefailure of Baker and hismen to control their fire. Sergeant First Class

StevenWalter,whowasinaHumveefiftyyardsdirectlybehindBaker’sHumvee,testified,“Ihadaclearviewofhisvehicle.”AsWalterroundedthelastbendinthewadi,hewitnessedAshpoleshootinghis.50-calibermachinegunintothevillage,hesaid,andcould“seetheinjuredA.M.F.soldieronthesideofthespur,hewaswearingatiger-stripeduniform,and I could see fourRangers furtherup the spuron top,which I laterfound out was Staff Sergeant Weeks’ squad…. I could clearly see theuniformsandhelmetsat this timeof theRangersontopof thespur….When I identified the friendly locations, I pointed them out to myvehicleandIalsocalledontheradiotoStaffSergeantBaker’stoceasefire.Ireceivednothingback.”ThenextvehicletoexitthenarrowsafterWalterwasaHumveedrivenby Brad Jacobson, with Master Sergeant John Horney in its frontpassenger’sseat.Ahead,theycouldseeBaker’sHumveeshootingupthehillside. “As soon aswe got around the corner,” Jacobson remembers,“Sarn’t Horney was, like, ‘Those are friendlies up there! Those arefriendlies!’ His voice was real upset. I have tunnel vision because I’mdriving, just tryingtohaulasswithouthittingrocks,but I lookupandseedudeswavingonthehighground.Youcouldseethewholefuckingplatoonrightthere.AndI’msorry,buttheywereprettyobvious.Itwasdark,yeah,butitwasn’t thatdark….NobodywasbeingshotatbyanyTalibanatthatpoint.Thoseguys inBaker’s truckwhofuckingwenttotownonthedudesuponthehill?Theywerejusttrigger-happy.”AccordingtoWalter’stestimony,“Iwasdumbfoundedatthefactthatthe.50-calgunnerwaslightingup,soIwastryingtogetaholdofthat[redacted]andseewhathewasdoing.Hewasjustwastingammo.”Atthispoint,Walter said, thevehiclesofSerialOnewereparkeddirectlyahead, clearly visible. As Baker’s Humvee drove past the two-storybuildingwhereUthlaut and Lanewere positioned, Elliott continued totargetitwithhis240Bravomachinegun,evenastheHumveerolledtoa stopbehindSerialOne. “His tracerswereactuallygoing towards therest of the convoy,whichwas justmaking the bend,”Walter testified.“So I was trying to call him and tell his 240-Bravo gunner to stopshootingback towards…with theway those tracers looked theywereflyingrightoverthislittleknoll.Rightattherestoftheconvoy.”Elliotthad such poor awareness ofwhat hewas shooting at, in otherwords,

thathealmosthittheHumveesinSerialTwothatwerefollowingbehindhim.

From the time Baker killed Sayed Farhad until the shooting finallyended,notmuchmorethanaminuteelapsed,perhaps twoat theverymost.Nearthebeginningofthisbriefspan,asbulletswerestrikingthehillsidearoundPatTillmanandBryanO’Neal,Tillmantriedtocalmtheyoungprivatebysaying,“Hey,don’tworry,I’vegotsomethingthatcanhelpus.”Tillmanthenraisedhimselfoffthegroundhighenoughtohuckasmokegrenadetowardthewadi,hopingtosignaltoBakerandhismenthattheywereshootingatAmericansoldiers.O’Nealsaidhe“heardahissingsound,itwasapurplesmokegrenade

thatPathadsetoff.Thefirethenstopped,andPatandIgotup….Weboththoughteverythingwasgoodatthetime.”Itwas,however,justamomentary pause in the onslaught. Within moments the Rangers inBaker’struckresumedshooting.Tenorfifteenseconds later,O’NealnoticedthatTillman’svoicetook

onadistinctlydifferenttone—Pathad“acryinhiscall”ishowO’Nealdescribed it—and O’Neal assumed Tillman had been hit. Tillman, itturnedout,hadtakenoneormoreshots to thechestplateofhisbodyarmor—sharpblowsthatwouldhavefeltlikeajackhammerstrikinghissternum.Astoundedthathis fellowRangerswouldactsorecklessly,hebegantoholleratthetopofhislungs,“Whatareyoushootingat?!I’mPat Tillman! I’m Pat fucking TILLMAN!” His angry, disbelieving cries,however, had no discernible effect on the gunfire emanating fromAshpole,Elliott,andTrevorAldersastheydroveby,allofwhomfiredatTillmanfromlessthan120feetattheirclosestpoint—thedistancefromhomeplatetosecondbaseonabaseballdiamond.Alders,whohadneverbeeninaseriousfirefight,wastheSAWgunner

onBaker’sHumvee,positionedontheleftsideofthevehicle,responsiblefor the “nine o’clock” sector of fire—which happened to be orientedawayfromwheretheRangersperceivedmostoftheenemytobeduringtheambush.AsAshpole,Elliott, andJohnsonblastedat targetson theright-hand side of the vehicle, Alders—a small guy, just five feet fiveinchestall,andpronetomaskhisinsecuritieswithdisplaysofbravado,

according to some platoonmates—felt frustrated to bemissing out onmost of the action. Whenever the opportunity arose, he testified, heturned to the “three o’clock”—the right side of the vehicle, facing thehillsidewhereTillmanwas—and“gotmygunintothefight.”TheSAWisaformidableweaponthatcanfiresixteenroundspersecondandhasaneffectiverangeofmorethanhalfamile.AsAldersseldomhesitatedtopointout,hewasanexpertSAWgunner.Underoath,overaperiodoftwoyears,Aldersprovidedfiveseparateaccountsofthefirefighttovariousinvestigators.AccordingtoawrittenstatementhesubmittedinJune2004indefenseofhisactions,whentheHumveeturnedthecorneroftheterracedpoppyfield(whereBakershotFarhad),Alders “heard shots fired, followedby ‘Contact three o’clock.’Everyone echoed the command. I stood up, reoriented from the nineo’clock to the three o’clock, and looked for where everyone wasshooting. Inoticed that itwaswhatappeared tobea small stonewallwith sticks laid against it on both sides…. I fired 20 rounds (two 10roundbursts)atthatwallwithonlyafewsecondsbetweenthefirstandsecond. I identified two sets of arms straight up. The arms did notindicateanysignsofacease-fireoranyotherhandandarmsignal.”Puzzledbytheimplicationsofthisstatement,aspecialagentfromtheArmy Criminal Investigation Division later inquired of Alders, “Whywouldyoufireontwosetsofarmsiftheywerestraightupintheair?”“Thiswasathirdworldcountry,”Aldersreplied,“andtheydon’thavehandandarmsignalslikewedo.Itwasmyperceptiontheyweretryingtosignalsomebody.”Another baffling aspect of Alders’s testimonywas his insistence thatthe raised arms he shot at were behind a stone wall. The only stonewallsuponthehillsidewereapairofgoatcorrals,whichstoodonthecrestofthespursomedistanceabovewhereSergeantWeeks’ssquadwaslocated.ButnoRangerswereeverpositionedbehindthegoatcorralsoranywhere near them during the firefight. The only men who weredefiladedbyrocksofanysortwereTillmanandO’Neal,whohadtakencoverbehindapair of low, longboulders. Perhaps, due to the tunnel-like perspective of his gun scope, Aldersmistook these boulders for astonewall.

Inanycase,fivemonthsaftersubmittinghiswrittenaccountofwhathappened,AldersdescribedtheeventagaininoraltestimonytoanotherArmy investigator: “I stand up, I turn around, I see where they’reshooting,Ireallydon’tseeanybody,seeastonewall.OK,that’swherethey’reshooting,it’safortifiedposition,Iputaten-roundburstintothestonewalland then that split-second,handspopup. I think tomyself,OK, that’s obviously where the enemy’s at, I put that same ten-roundburstdownacross thewall,because Icouldn’t seea solid silhouetteofsomebody.Iwastryingtogettheirhandsdown.”Whentheinvestigatoraskedifheeversawany“friendlies”uponthe

hillside, Alders replied, “No, I didn’t see any—a soul or anybody upthere,sir.Imean,SergeantBakersaidwhenheengageduptherehesawthesilhouetteofwhatturnedouttobetheA.M.F.soldier, firingaboveus,but—Imean, Iguess theA.M.F.guywasalreadydownbythetimeI’dturnedaround,becauseIdidn’tseeanybodyupthere,sir.Imean,allIsawwastwosetsofarmsandI justassumeditwastwohajjishittingthedirtandImean,theyweregettinghammeredonbythewholejeep,sir.”FromthenumerousdivotsscarringthebouldersaroundTillman’sfinal

position, investigatorsdeterminedthathewasfiredonbya .50-calibermachine gun, anM249 SAW, and possibly one or moreM4s. But theautopsyperformedonTillmanafterhisdeathleaveslittledoubtthathewas killed by the SAW. And the only SAW gunner who fired at thehillsidewasTrevorAlders.SomeRangersintheplatoonregardedAldersasachestthumperwho

talked big but often had to ask others to help carry his load. Pat,however,hadalwaysgoneoutofhiswaytobenicetohim.“Alderswaspathetic,” saysoneofhisplatoonmates.“Hewasachild.Patwas justabout theonlyguy in theplatoonwho treatedhimwith respect.”ThepreviousSeptember,whentheywereatFortBenningpreparingtoattendRanger School, Pat and Kevin were granted a four-day pass. Aldershappened to be at Benning then as well. When Pat and Kevin wereinvited to spend their leaveat thehomeof somegood friendsof theirmother’swholivedinBuckhead,justoutsideofAtlanta,PatencouragedAlderstotagalong.Hegratefullyjoinedthem,andwastreatedlikekin.Sevenmonths later, as Pat sat behindhis boulder above thewadi—

wounded,shoutinghisname,wavinghishandsoverhisheadtosignalthat he was an American soldier—it’s impossible to know what wasgoingthroughhismind.Hisattention,however,wouldalmostcertainlyhave been focused on the open Humvee driving along the gravelriverbedjustfortyyardsbelow,carryingsevenofhisRangercomrades,twoor threeofwhomwere shooting inhisdirection. IfTillmanhadafootball,itwouldhavebeenprettyeasyforhimtohitthevehiclewithatightspiralpass.Gazing down at his brothers in arms, he would have seen Alders,

positioned on the far side of the Humvee, turn to face him and thenpointhisweaponuptheslope.AlthoughPatprobablycouldn’tmakeoutAlders’sfeaturesinthetwilight,hewouldhaveknownwhoitwasfromAlders’scompactstatureandthefactthathewasholdingaSAW.ShortlyafterAldersbroughttheweapontohisshoulder,Patwouldhaveseenaflash from the gun’s stubby barrel. Concurrent with the muzzle flash,three .223-caliber bullets pierced the right side of his forehead, justbelowtherimofhishelmet,killinghiminstantly.Although the entrance wounds were deceptively small and clean—

eachwasjustfive-sixteenthsofaninchindiameter,andallthreeweregrouped tightly together—when the highvelocity, copper-jacketedbulletscollidedwiththefrontalboneofTillman’sskull,theybrokeapartand began to tumblewildly,with devastating effect. As they careenedthrough his flesh and then exited his body, the bullet fragmentsobliteratedmuch of the cranium, expelling his brain onto the ground.What remained of Tillman’s head was mostly skin and fasciae, andresembledapuncturedballoon.Uponhearing the first burst fromAlders’s SAW shred the air, Bryan

O’Neal threw himself facedown on the ground and tried to press hisbodyintotheearthbehindtheboulder.Ashelaythere,slightlybelowandtothewestofTillman,O’Nealtestified,“IrememberhearingwhatIthoughtwasrunningwater.IthoughtthatPathadurinatedonhimself.IaskedPatifhehadurinatedonhimself,buthedidnotanswer.Ilookedattherocknexttous,andIrememberseeingastreamofblood.Ididn’tbelieve what I was seeing. I then saw what appeared to be pieces ofbloodandtissue.IthoughtIhadbeenshotatfirst,IthenrealizedthatIwasfine.Isatup,tookaknee,andlookedatPat.Helookedlikehewas

kindofsitting,hisbackwasonthehill,hewaslayingback.IrememberthatIstartedyellingforhelp.”

Baker’sHumveerolledtoastopbehindtheparkedvehiclesofSerialOneat6:48p.m.,andtheshootingendedamomentthereafter.Fromstarttofinish,thefirefighthadlastedfourteenminutes.According to Steve Elliott’s testimony, “I eventually heard ‘Ceasefire.’…Itseemedlikeitwascomingfromeverywhere.ThevehiclewasstoppedatthatpointandIsawanA.M.F.soldierwhohadcomearoundto thebackof thevehicle.The impression Igot fromhimwas thathewasworkedupandhewantedustostopfiring.Idon’trecallexactlyifthisA.M.F. soldierwaswavinghisarmsand/orcallingout ‘cease fire.’Hewasprettyworkedup.”Most of the Rangers in both serials were deaf from the gunfire.AccordingtoSergeantMelWard,oneofWeeks’stwoteamleaderswhowasuponthespuraboveTillman’sposition,“WhenIcouldhearagain—whichtookalittlewhile,becausethe.50-calmakesalotofnoise—thefirst thing I noticedwas someone screaming, ‘Ohmy fuckingGod!Ohmy fucking God! Ohmy fuckingGod!’ I didn’t knowwho it was, butbecause of the way he was screaming, I assumed he was wounded,probably inpieces.”After tellinghis fire teamtostaywheretheywereandpullsecurity incasetherewerestillTalibanlurking,Wardhurrieddowntowherethescreamingwascomingfrom.Ward arrived at the boulders about the same time as Staff SergeantWeeks. O’Neal “was in a state of hysteria,” Weeks testified. He wasdrenchedwithTillman’sbloodandspatteredwithsplintersofboneandchunks of brainmatter.His helmetwas off.His gunwas lying on theground.“It was our guys that did it! They fucking killed him!” O’NealscreamedatWeeks.“Wewerewavingourarms!Howdidtheynotknowwe’rehere?”Weeks shouted atO’Neal to put his helmet on, pick up hisweapon,and“squarehimselfaway.”AfterorderingO’Nealtopullsecurityoveranearbysectortogivehimsomethingtodo,WeekscalledEricGodec,theplatoonsergeant,andreportedover theradio,“I’vegotoneEagleKIA,

call sign Tango,” indicating an American had been killed and his lastnamestartedwiththeletterT.By this time Sergeant Bradley Shepherd,Weeks’s other team leader,had also arrived on the scene. “First thingWard did,” says Shepherd,“afterheseesTillmanisprettymuchdecapitated,hefallsonhiskneesand hugs him. Starts crying.” Ward—a taciturn, physically imposing,politicallyconservativeRangerwhowastwoyearsolderthanTillman—doesnotbelievemenshouldcryinpublic, ifatall,andisembarrassedthathispeerssawhim“beingapussy.”Onlyacoupleofhoursearlier,however, while the platoon had been cooling its heels in Magarah,TillmanandWardhadpulledsecuritytogetheroffandonthroughmuchof the longafternoon,duringwhich theyhad talkedabout theirwivesand families and what they intended to do when they got out of theArmy.WhenWardcameuponPatbehindtheboulder,hethoughtaboutthisfinalconversationandwas“takenoverbyevents,”astheysayinthemilitary.“Iwascrying,whichsurprisedme,”Wardremembers.“ItookakneebyPat’sbodyandputahandonhischest.”Awary,exceedinglyprivateman,WardhasspokenaboutwhathappenedonlytohiswifeandArmyinvestigators. “Seeing your friend like that was pretty difficult,” headmits.“Wehad,uh…Wehad just spokenand…um…”Fouryearsafter the event, his voice breaks and his eyeswater. “I thought I’d beabletotalkaboutthisbynowwithoutbeingabigbitchaboutit….But,um…Imean,hewasn’tjustlyingtherelikesomeonewho’sbeenshotinaJohnWaynemovie,whereitlookslikemaybehe’sonlysleeping.”Wardpauses for thebetterpartofaminute toregainhiscomposureand then continues. “It was getting dark. After all the noise, all of asudden itwasreallyquiet. I remember just sitting therewithPat forawhile.Andthenitwas,like,okay,someoneisgoingtohavetotakecareofthisnow.”“Aker walked up,” says Shepherd, “and when he saw Tillman, heturnedwhiteasaghost.Godecwasaroundbythen,andassoonashesaw Aker’s reaction, he knew Aker shouldn’t be there. So he orderedhim,‘Godownandgetsomeponchosandget’emrightnow.’”As Private Aker startedwalking down the hill to fetch ponchos and

Skedcos*forpackagingthebodies,Parsons’sHumveepulledtoastopinthewadidirectlybelowtheboulderswherePatwaskilled.KevinwasupintheHumvee’sgunturret.ThelastvehicleinSerialTwo,ithaddrivenoutofthecanyonafewminutesearlier,aftertheshootinghadalreadystopped.AtthemomentPathadbeenfatallystruck,Kevinwasstillbackin the throat of the narrows, completely unaware of the unfoldingtragedy.Weeks immediately approached the Humvee to ask Parsons if there

wasaSkedcoonit,promptingKevintoinquire,“Whogothit?”“OfcourseIknew,”Weekstestified,“butI toldhimIdidn’tknowat

that point in time, because I didn’t want to have to deal with thatsituation.”Soonthereafter,Akerreachedthewadi,andhe,too,askedParsonsif

there was a Skedco and/or ponchos on the vehicle. When Parsonsdemanded,“What’sgoingon?”AkertookhimaroundtotherearoftheHumvee and revealed they had two KIA, one ofwhomwas a Ranger.“When I asked who it was, he whispered real quietly that it wasTillman,”saysParsons.“Weweredownonakneebehindthevehicle.AtthatpointIwaslike,‘Oh,man.’BecauseKevinwasrightthereaboveusintheturretpullingsecurity.”Parsons said nothing to Kevin. He, Aker, Jacobson, Horney, and a

youngprivatenamedMarcDentoncarriedponchosandSkedcosupthehill and helped Ward and Shepherd wrap the bodies of Tillman andFarhad, strap them onto the stretchers, and bring them down theprecipitous slope in the dark.Ward picked up Tillman’s SAW,MOLLEvest,andthehundredsofroundsofammohe’dbeencarrying,andhungthis heavy load over his shoulders on top of his own kit. “Then westartedworkingPatandtheA.M.F.guydowntothevehicles,”hesays.“Itwasn’teasy.Igotprettysmoked.”Justabove the riverbed,ShepherdandDentonwere loweringoneof

the Skedcos down a vertical embankment to Parsons and Aker when“Tillmancameunpackaged,”accordingtoParsons.Pat’supperbodyslidout of the poncho and hit Aker in the chest. “Aker had a really badresponsetoit,”Parsonsrecalls.AftertheywrappedPatupandstrappedhim back into the Skedco, Jacobson dragged the stretcher down the

riverbedtoalandingzonewhereahelicoptercouldevacuatethebodies.It was about 7:40. Standing guard in the turret, staring up into the

darkness through a night-vision device mounted on the brow of hishelmet,Kevinwatchedhiscolleagueslabortohaulalargeobjectdownthehillsideabovehim.“TheybroughtdownsomebodyinaSkedco,”hetestified.“AndIasked,‘Whothefuckwasthat?’”“It’sanA.M.F.soldier,”someoneinthevehiclereplied.“I’mlike,‘What?’”Kevintoldtheinvestigator.“Thatdidn’tmakeany

sense….SoIstartedtogetalittleweirdfeeling,youknow,becausemybrother’s a pretty loud-type guy.” Kevin hadn’t heard Pat’s boominglaughorseenanysignofhimsincearrivingatSerialOne’slocationafterthefirefight.ThelasttimeKevinhadtalkedtoPatwasbackinMagarahbeforetheplatoonwassplit.Parsons hopped into the Humvee, drove it 250 yards down the

riverbed, and parked behind the rest of the convoy. Kevin resumedpulling security in the turret, but his “weird feeling” persisted. So heaskedParsons,“Where’sPat?”“Heaskedme,like,threetimes,”saysParsons.“Ijustignoredhimthe

firsttwotimes.Whenheaskedmeagain,Idecided,‘Allright,I’mgonnatellhim.’”Russell Baer was sitting in the back of Parsons’s Humvee, he

remembers,when“ParsonsgotupinsidetheturretwithKevin.Hesaidtohim, ‘Idon’twanttobetheonetotellyouthis,butyourbrother isdead.’ Just like that. That’s howKevin found out Pat had been killed.Theywererightaboveme.Ioverheardhim.That’showIfoundout,too.Itwasfucked.”“Itoldhimstraight-out,”saysParsons.“Kevinandmewentbackand

forth on that for a minute, because he had the whole disbelief thinggoingon.ButfinallyitendedupsinkinginthathisbrotherwasKIA.”“Kevingotcompletelysilent,”saysBaer.“Helookedaroundforabout

fivesecondsandthenquietlygotoff the jeep.Thenhestartedwalkingaround,screaming‘fuck!’overandover….Whatdoyoudo?Iwantedtodo something, but I didn’t know how to make things better. It wasdevastatingevenforme;Ican’timaginewhatitmusthavebeenlikeforKevin.ForhimtolosePat—Imean,theyweren’tjustbrothers;theywere

joinedatthehip.Irememberthemedic—DocAnderson,anolderguy—asking Kevin for his rifle. Kevin was all tensed up. Yelling. Walkingaimlessly back and forth. That’swhenDoc took hisweapon.” Parsons,worriedabouthowKevinmightreacttohisbrother’sdeath,hadaskedAndersontoconfiscateKevin’sgun.When Parsons informed Godec and Staff Sergeant Jonathan Owens,

whowas Kevin’s squad leader, that he’d told Kevin that Patwas KIA,“Owensgotinmyfaceaboutit,”Parsonsrecalls.“SaidIshouldn’thavetoldhim.Iendedupsnappingbackathim,‘Hey,Kevinisagrownman.I’m not gonna treat him like a kid. I’m not gonna lie to him aboutsomething like this. It’shisbrother. If itwasyourbrotherorsisterouttherewhodied,you’dwanttoknowwhathappened.’”ParsonsstillhadnoideathatPathadbeenkilledbyfriendlyfire,however,sohedidn’trevealthataspectofthetragedytoKevin,norwasitrevealedbyanyofthenumerousRangers in theplatoonwhoby thenknewwithabsolutecertaintyhowPathaddied.A pair of BlackHawks appeared out of the darkness and descended

amidahurricaneofdebriscreatedbytheirdown-wash.AstheRangerswatchedthehelosapproachthroughtheirnight-visiondevices, thetipsoftherotorbladesappearedtothrowoffballsofbrightgreenflames—static electricity generated by the rotors cutting through the blowingsand.UthlautandLane,bothseriouslywounded,wereputononeofthebirds,thebodiesofPatandFarhadwereloadedontotheother,andat7:58thetwohelicoptersliftedoffintothenight.Nineminuteslatertheytoucheddownbeside the fieldhospital at FOBSalerno.Approximatelyan hour after that, a Chinook returned to thewadi and flewKevin toSalernoaswell.For the rest of the Rangers, says Josey Boatright, “It was a rough

night.Everybodywas exhausted andpretty freaked.We rackedoutbythevehicles in thewadi, butnobody sleptmuch. I hadPat’s blood allover my leg from where I drug his stuff. That smell—all night mysleepingbagsmelledlikeblood.”In the morning the Black Sheep cleared Mana and the adjacent

settlements. While the platoon was searching houses, Brad Jacobsonremainedoutsidepullingsecurity.AtonepointhelookedskywardandsawapairofArmyhelicoptersflyinghighoverhead.Beneatheachofthe

massive Chinooks, swinging from a long nylon sling, was a Humveebeing transported to Salerno. “It was a quiet reminder,” Jacobsontestifiedinaswornstatement,“thatperhapsifourleadershiphaddonetheir job right inBagramandhadgotten thathelicopter tous likeweasked,noneofthiswouldhavehappened.”

*AlltheRangersworefire-resistantNomexgloves.

* “ETAC” stands for “enlisted terminal attack controller”—an airman who’s responsible forcallinginairstrikesinsupportofArmyunitsontheground.

*ASkedcoisalightweightplasticlitterforevacuatingcasualties.

PARTFOUR

Hewho learnsmust suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannotforget, falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despite,againstourwill,comeswisdomtousbytheawfulgraceofGod.

—AESCHYLUS,Agamemnon

CHAPTERTHIRTY-TWO

WhilePatandKevinweredeployedinIraq,Mariehadbeenhiredbyacompany called theCreativeGroup located in a skyscraper in Seattle’surbancore.“Ilovedworkingthere,”Mariesays.“IworkedwithacoupleofgirlsIreallyliked,andenjoyedbeingindowntownSeattleduringtheweek.ItwasnicetogetawayfromtheemptyhouseinUniversityPlace.AttheendofthedayI’dmaybehaveadrinkwithoneofmygirlfriendsandthendrivebackhomewhenthetrafficwasn’tquitesobad.”Justbefore5:00p.m.PacificstandardtimeonApril22,tenandahalf

hours after Patwas shot, the office receptionist summonedMarie to aconference room. An Army master sergeant named William Donovan,wearing a formal Class-A uniform and accompanied by an Armychaplain,walkedintotheroomandaskedifshewasMarieTillmanandthenaskedifshewasmarriedtoSpecialistPatrickDanielTillman.Whenshe replied yes to both questions, Donovan testified, “I told her, herhusbandwaskilledinactioninAfghanistantoday….That’sprettymuchallIhadtosay,thenIansweredthequestions,ofcourse.”Marie’s firstquestionwastoinquireifKevinwasokay,andthenshe

askedhowPatwaskilled.Donovantoldher,“Wedon’thaveanyoftheinformation right now, but itwas from a gunshotwound to the head,and itwasduring an ambush.”According toDonovan, “ShewasmoreconcernedaboutKevinatthatpoint.Oh,sheaskedifher—ifPat’sfamilyhad been notified yet. [They had not.] … From there, me and thechaplainhadalreadyworkeditouthowweweregoingto—youknow,wefiguredwedidn’twantherdriving.Sothechaplaindroveherinhervehicle,andIdrovethe[redacted]vehiclewith[redacted]backtotheirplacein—Iforgetwheretheylive.”Beforeleavingheroffice,MariecalledherparentstotellthemofPat’s

death.Withapreternaturallycalmdemeanor thathidher truestateofmind, sheasked them tonotifyher sisterandbrother-in-law,Christine

andAlexGarwood, both ofwhomwere extremely close to Pat. A fewminuteslater,MarielearnedthatsomeonefromtheArmywasenroutetoDannieTillman’sresidenceinNewAlmadentonotifyherthatPathadbeen killed. Pat’s parents had divorced six years earlier, and Marierealized that Dannie would probably be home alone when the Armymessengerarrivedatherfrontdoor.SoMariehurriedlycalledAlexandaskedhimtocontactDannie’sbrother,MikeSpalding,torequestthatheattempttogettherefirst.AlexwasunabletoreachUncleMike,though,sohedecidedtogotoDannie’shousehimself.By this time Pat’smother had a feeling that somethingwasn’t rightfromtheoddmessages she foundonheransweringmachinewhenshegothomefromherjobteachingspecialeducationatBretHarteMiddleSchool.Alexremembersthatashewassittinginhiscarinsidehisgaragein Los Gatos, preparing to drive to Dannie’s, he received a call fromDannieonhiscellphone.AccordingtoAlex,“Sheasked, ‘Is somethingwrongwith theboys?’ I thought, ‘It’snotmyplace to tellher.’Maybethat was just cowardice on my part, but I replied, ‘You need to callMarierightnow.’ThenIhungupanddroveovertoherplaceasfastasIcould,tryingtobeattheArmyoverthere.”Withtrepidation,DanniecalledPatandMarie’shomeaboveTacomaNarrows,butwhenMariepickedupthephone,hervoicesoundedcalm,whicheasedDannie’sfearssomewhat.WhensheaskedMariewhatwasgoing on, however, Marie was unable to speak. Dannie repeated thequestion;andagaintherewasnothingbutsilencefromtheotherendofthe line. Dannie asked yet again, and this time Marie replied, “He’sdead.”“Dead!Who’sdead?!”Danniedemanded.“Pat’sdead.”Dannie ran out the front door of her house. Her shrieks promptedpeople inadjacenthomes torushoutside toseewhatwaswrong.Alexpulled in to her driveway amoment later. “Dannie’s neighbors PeggyandSydwereconsolingher,”he says. “Iwentupandgaveherahug.Not long after that, an Army sergeant showed up, a woman, lookingflustered.She’dgottenlost.Asshegotoutofhercar,shewastryingtobutton the jacket to her uniform, andwewere all just standing there

waiting forher togetall thesebuttonsbuttoned. I remember thinking,‘Look,weknowwhyyou’rehere.Whocaresaboutyouruniform?’Thenit was just like in the movies: ‘On behalf of a grateful nation, yourgovernmentregrets to informyouthatyoursonPatrickDanielTillmanwaskilledinaction.’”AssoonasDanniecouldcollectherself,sheaskedthesergeantwhereKevinwas,and ifhewasall right,and thenshecalledherex-husbandand gave him the terrible news. He immediately drove to the house.“WhenMr.Tillmanwalkedin,”Alexsays,“heandDanniehuggedacrossthetable.Hekindofpulledheracrossintothisdesperateembrace.ThesergeantandIwentoutsidetoletthembealone.Aswestoodoutthere,wecouldhearthemwailing—theseprimalkindofscreams.”

Marie’sparents,PaulandBindyUgenti,andhersister,ChristineUgentiGarwood, flewtoSeattleonApril22 tobewithMarieassoonas theylearned of Pat’s death. “We got up to her house in Washington thatevening,”saysChristine.“TheminuteIsawher,Igaveherthisbighug,expectingher to fall apart.But shewasn’t crying,which surprisedme.WhileIwasstrugglingnottoloseit,Mariewasjustsittingthere;shewasstrangely calm. I don’t know, maybe it was just too huge for her toprocess,but shewasactingcompletelynumb.She seemedpreoccupiedwith making sure that Kevin was okay, that Dannie was okay, thatRichardwasokay,thatMr.Tillmanwasokay—shewasdirectingallherenergy to helping others, focusing onwhat needed to be done so shewouldn’thavetofeelanything,anditfreakedmeout.”While they stayed with Marie, the Ugenti parents slept in Kevin’sbedroomandChristinesleptonthecouch.“Inthemornings,”Christineremembers,

IwouldgetintobedwithMarieandtalk.Thereweresomanydetailsshehadtotakecareof.Iremembergettinginbedwithher and asking, “What’s going on? The military people arecoming toyourhouseandaskingyouall thesequestions,andyou’redoingallthisstuff,andnobody’seventalkingaboutPat,whatagreatpersonheis….”MariestartedcryingwhenIsaidthat, and talked about how she was really feeling. She was

devastated,obviously,butforsomereasonshefeltlikeshehadto keep it together—there were so many people around thehouseshefeltitwasimportantnottofallapart.Iunderstood.Iremembertellingher,“Youdon’thavetoapologizeforthewayyou’rereacting.I’mjustworriedaboutyou.”

At 10:00 p.m. onApril 22,whenKevin stepped out of a helicopter atForward Operating Base Salerno after being flown from the canyonwhere Pat was shot, he was summoned to the TOC—the TacticalOperations Center—to meet with Major David Hodne. “Kevin wasobviously distressed about the incident,” Hodne testified, “and Iattemptedtoconsolehim….Hedeclinedmyoffertomeetthechaplainthat was inbound. He asked me to promise to exact revenge on theambushers.”HodneassuredKevinthatwhoeverwasresponsibleforPat’sdeathwouldpaydearlyfortheiractions.Thiswouldturnouttobethefirstinalongstringofbrokenpromisesandself-servingliesprofferedtotheTillmanfamilybycommissionedofficersoftheU.S.Army.By this time all phones and Internet terminals available to enlisted

men at Salerno had been shut down to prevent soldiers fromcommunicating news about Pat’s death to anyone beyond the FOB.Therewasnothingunusualornefariousaboutsucha lockdown; itwasstandard policy at bases inAfghanistan and Iraqwhenever therewereAmericancasualties, inorder toallownextofkintobenotifiedbeforeword leaked to themedia. Setting the wheels inmotion to notify theTillmanfamily,at11:08p.m.afunctionaryintheSalernoTOCsentane-mail toU.S. Central Command in Tampa, Florida, stating littlemorethan that Specialist Patrick Daniel Tillman had been killed in actionduringanambushaftersufferingagunshotwoundtothehead.Thenextmorningatdawn,backinthecanyonwheretheBlackSheep

hadbeenattacked,FirstSergeantTommyFullerwalkeduptotherockswherePathadbeenshot.HehadarrivedthepreviouseveningwiththeRangers of Alpha Company’s Third Platoon, who had rushed to thecanyon to support the stunned soldiers of SecondPlatoon shortly afterthe firefight.Behind theuppermostboulder, Fuller testified, “Tillman’sbrainwasstillontheground.”HeputitinaZiplocbag,whichheplacedinsideanammocan,andthengavethecantooneofhissergeantssoit

couldbereturnedtoSalernoandsentbacktotheStateswithPat’sbody.This ammo can, and the remains it held, were never shipped to theUnitedStates.Theysimplyvanished,andhaveneverbeenaccountedfor.Aftertalkingtoseveralofthesurvivorsofthefirefight,FullerrealizedthatPathadbeenshotbyhiscomrades,andheshared thisconclusionwithCaptainWilliamSaunders, theAlphaCompanycommander.Uponinterviewing the men of Second Platoon, Saunders concurred withFuller’sassessmentofthecauseofdeath.Around 8:30 a.m., Lieutenant Colonel Jeffrey Bailey, commander oftheSecondRangerBattalion, arrivedon the scene, spokewith soldiersfromboth serials, and talkedat lengthwithFuller andSaunders. “Thethreeofusgot together,”Bailey testified. “So I said, ‘Alright. I think Iagree with you. We need to do an investigation.’ So I called ColonelNixon[commanderoftheSeventy-fifthRangerRegiment]andtoldhimmygutfeelingwasthatTillmanhadbeenkilledbyfriendlyfire….Therewas no doubt about it. It was a case where there were six or sevenRangersthatsawthevehicleshootingatthem.”Baileyreiteratedunderoath in subsequent testimony that he told Nixon, “I’m sure it’s afratricide, sir, but I think I owe you the details. Let me do thisinvestigationandI’llgiveittoyouasquicklyasIcan.”When Bailey determined that an investigation was required inaccordancewithArticle 15–6 of theUniformCode ofMilitary Justice,Hodne recommended that an officer at FOB Salerno named CaptainRichard Scott conduct it. Bailey and Nixon agreed, and Scott wasappointedtoheadtheso-called15–6investigation.Given that he would be probing the death of such a highprofilesoldier, Scott was a curious choice for the job. Although a highlyregarded officer, Scott was a mere captain, and under the directcommandofHodne,theverymanwhoseordertosplitUthlaut’splatoonculminated inTillman’s death.As bothHodne andBaileywere aware,Article 15–6 required “the investigating officer to be senior in rank toanyone whose conduct or performance he may investigate,” whichprecluded Scott from probing the actions of Hodne or Bailey. TheinvestigationofTillman’sdeaththustookanirregularturnrightoutofthegate.Otherirregularitiessoonfollowed.

ItwasearlyintheafternoonofApril23whenBaileyphonedColonelNixon in the Joint Operations Center at Bagram to alert him thatfriendly fire was the cause of Tillman’s death. Almost immediately,Nixon delivered this shocking news in person to his boss, BrigadierGeneralStanleyMcChrystal,whoranthemostcovertbranchoftheU.S.ArmedForces,theJointSpecialOperationsCommand(JSOC).In2009McChrystalwouldbethrustintothelimelightasthefour-star

general chosen by President Barack Obama to command all U.S. andNATO forces inAfghanistan.At the timeTillmanwas killed, however,McChrystalwasonlyaone-stargeneral,andwaslittleknownoutsidethetaciturn Special Operations community. As head of JSOC, McChrystalwasinchargeofthehigh-riskcounterterrorismmissionsundertakenbyNavySEALs,DeltaForceoperators,andArmyRangers.Herantheguyswho’d rescued Jessica Lynch, as well as the units that would latercaptureSaddamHusseinandkillAbuMussabal-Zarqawi,thenotoriousleader of al-Qaeda in Iraq.McChrystal inspired extraordinary devotionfromhissubordinates,whoreferredtohimasThePope.Agreatmanyofthe men who worked for him would do anything he asked withoutreservation,andwouldratherdiethanlethimdown.Shrewd, exceedingly ambitious, and willing to bend rules to get

results, McChrystal was widely regarded as the most effectivecommanderintheentireArmy.VicePresidentCheneyandSecretaryofDefense Rumsfeld held him in the highest esteem, considered himabsolutelytrustworthy,andregularlybypassedthechainofcommandtocommunicatewithhimdirectly.Heworkedundertheradarandgotstuffdone.Hedidn’t suffer from“the slows,”asRumsfeld characterized therisk-aversenatureofsomeofMcChrystal’ssuperiors.————

ShortlyafterMcChrystalwasapprisedbyNixon thatTillmanhadbeenkilled by friendly fire, he shared this information with LieutenantGeneral PhilipKensinger, commander ofU.S.Army SpecialOperationsCommand (USASOC), and General Bryan Brown, commander of U.S.SpecialOperationsCommand(USSOC).Wordof the fratricidewasalsosentviasecretbackchannels to thehighest levelsof thePentagonand

theWhite House, information that was restricted to an elect cadre inWashington.Over inAfghanistan,McChrystal directedNixon to keep the facts of

Tillman’sdeathundertightwrapswithintheRangerRegiment,aswell.“The guidance I put out,” Nixon testified, “was that until theinvestigation was complete, until we knew what happened, I did notwant communicationof theongoing investigationoutsideof theunit.”According to a federal statute and several Army regulations, MarieTillman,asnextofkin,wassupposedtobenotifiedthataninvestigationwasunderway, even if friendly firewas only suspected, and “be keptinformed as additional information about the cause of death becomesknown.” Instead, McChrystal, Nixon, and the soldiers under theircommandwent to extraordinary lengths to prevent the Tillman familyfromlearningthetruthabouthowPatdied.ThesameafternoonthatMcChrystalwasinformedofthefratricide—

April 23—Pat’s coffin was loaded onto a helicopter, and KevinaccompaniedthebodyfromSalernotoBagram.Beforedeparting,KevinaskedBailey,Hodne,andvirtuallyeveryotherRangerheencounteredtotrytofindthesmallnotebookPathadbeenusingtorecordhisthoughts,so that it could be returned to the family; Kevin made it clear thatrecovering thisnotebookwasextremely important tohim.But evenashissuperiorsassuredKevintheywouldleavenostoneunturnedintheirhuntforthenotebook,theyweredoingeverythingtheycouldtodeceivehimaboutthecauseofPat’sdeath.Standardoperatingproceduredictatesthatwhenasoldieriskilledin

action,hisorheruniform is lefton thebody for shipmentback to theUnited States, to be removed during the autopsy and analyzed asforensicevidence.Forreasonsthathaveneverbeenexplained,Tillman’sblood-soaked uniform and body armor were removed at Salerno andplaced into a trash bag before the bodywas flown toBagram.On thenight of April 23, Sergeant James Valdez testified, a captain namedWade Bovard “came to me with an orange plastic bag containingTillman’sclothes.Hethenrelatedthathewantedmetoburnwhatwasinthebagforsecuritypurposes.Additionally,CaptainBovardrelatedhewanted me alone to burn what was in the bag to prevent securityviolations,leaks,andrumors.”

Before destroying the items in the bag, Valdez went through thepocketsofTillman’suniform.InthecargopocketofhispantshefoundPat’snotebook,afterwhichhestarteda fire inanemptyoildrumanddestroyedthenotebook,uniform,andbodyarmor.Astheseitemswereburning, Valdez stated, “Captain Bovard came out one time to ensurethat everythingwas going all right….Captain Bovard then came backrightattheend,whenIwasfinishing.”TheRangersofSecondPlatoonarrivedbackatSalernoonthemorningofApril24,stillreelingfromwhathadhappenedonthetwenty-second.TommyFullerhadbroughtbackthevestofammopouchesthatPathadworn over his body armor, soddenwith blood and riddledwith bulletholes. A fragment from a green-tipped SAW round that had struck agrenaderemainedinoneofthepouches.Thenextday,Fullerburnedthevest inthesamebarrelValdezusedtodestroyPat’sotherbelongingsadayearlier.First Platoon showed up back at the FOB not long after the BlackSheep. The previous night, acting on a tip provided by sympatheticvillagers in Magarah, they’d captured four men who allegedlyparticipatedintheambush.Allwerelocaltribesmenwhosaidtheyhadbeenpaidmodestsumsbyafifthfigure,anotoriousTalib,toattacktheAmerican platoon. According to the sworn testimony ofMajorHodne,“GulZamanistheoneweassessedtobethetriggerman/leaderfortheambush. To my knowledge, Zaman was not captured and fled to[redacted].”* By now every Ranger in the platoon knew that Pat hadbeen killed by another Ranger, but on Bailey’s orders they wereadmonished in the strongest possible terms not to disclose thisknowledge to anyone under any circumstances. Kevin, desperate forinformation about how Patmet his end, repeatedly called the SalernoTOCfromBagramandaskedtotalktoBryanO’Neal,becauseheknewO’Neal had been nearby when Pat was shot. “I had to call like eighttimes,”Kevintestified.WhenhefinallygotBaileyonthephone,Kevinpleaded, “Where’sO’Neal?Where’sO’Neal?Giveme somebody to talkto.”“Kevinwasabasketcase,”Baileytestified.“SoIkeptputtinghimoff.”WhenKevinrefusedtodropthematter,BaileyfinallyallowedKevinandO’Neal to speak to eachother, but firsthe sternly reiterated toO’Neal

thathewasunderorderstosaynothingaboutfriendlyfire.“Andhedidn’t sayanything tome,”Kevinrecalled.“He justkindofwateredthe thingdown.Hetalked for like threeminutesandtoldme,‘Wewererunningupthehilland…theA.M.F.guygotshot.AndthenPat got shot, andwewere shooting our asses off. Andwhen I lookeddown, Pat was shot. And then I don’t remember anything after that.”Based on what O’Neal had told him, Kevin was certain Pat had beenkilledbytheTaliban.“I wanted right off the bat to let the family know what hadhappened,”O’Nealstated,“especiallyKevinbecauseIworkedwithhimintheplatoon….AndIwasquiteappalledthatwhenIwasableactuallytospeakwithKevin,Iwasorderednottotellhimwhathappened.”

TheremainsofsoldierskilledinAfghanistanandIraqarereceivedandprocessed at Dover Air Force Base in Delaware. On April 26, Kevinarrived atDoverwith Pat’s body. Russell Baer had been sent along tokeep Kevin company during the long journey home. Before leavingSalerno,Baer, too,waswarned tokeephis lips sealed. “MeandKevinhardlysaidawordtoeachotherthewholewayback,”Baersays.MarieTillman flew in fromSeattle tomeet their planewhen they arrived inDover.AnautopsywasperformedatthebasemortuarybyDr.CraigMallak,thechiefoftheArmedForcesmedicalexaminers,andDr.JamesCaruso,chief deputy medical examiner. Four months earlier, Mallak haddisseminatedapolicy throughoutallbranchesof themilitaryexplicitlystating that deceased soldiers were to be sent to Dover with theiruniforms, their body armor, and their helmets, which were to beconsidered crucial forensic evidence. When they saw that Pat hadarrived naked, without any of this evidence,Mallak was furious. “Wekept asking, ‘Where are the clothes?’ ” he testified. When he learnedthey had been burned, Mallak said, “I thought, ‘Why would you dothat?’”Taking theircues fromMcChrystalandNixon,officers in theRangerRegimentdeliberatelywithheldfromMallakthatPathadbeenkilledbyfriendly fire,anotheregregiousbreachofprotocol. Instead,Mallakwas

toldthatPat“wasshotbyinsurgentsorTaliban.”AccordingtoMallak,he “immediately had concerns about the case” because “the gunshotwoundstotheforeheadwereatypicalinnature,andthattheinitialstorywe received didn’t—the medical evidence did not match up with thescenario as described.” Mallak was sufficiently troubled by thisdiscrepancy that he and Caruso declined to sign their names to theautopsy examination reportwhen itwas completed, andMallak askedtheArmyCriminalInvestigationDivision(CID)tolookintothematter.TheCIDisresponsibleforinvestigatingseriouscrimesandviolationsofmilitary law within the U.S. Army, and has independent authority toscrutinize incidents of friendly fire or suspected friendly fire. Becausefratricide is considered negligent homicide under military law, ArmyregulationsobligatedMcChrystal,Nixon,andBaileytonotifytheCIDiffratricidewasevensuspectedintheTillmancase,whichwouldinturncompel the CID to launch an independent criminal investigation. ButMcChrystal and Nixon were obsessed with keeping knowledge of thefratricide “as compartmented as possible” within the Second RangerBattalion, hidden from the prying eyes of the CID or any other Armyentity. So when the CID sent a special agent to inquire about thesuspicious nature of Tillman’s wounds, Nixon’s legal advisor, MajorCharlesKirchmaier,wasdispatchedtothrowtheCIDoffthescent.Kirchmaier,whoservedastheRangers’regimentaljudgeadvocatein

Afghanistan, was intimately involved in Captain Scott’s 15–6investigation and knew that Tillmanwas killed by friendly fire. As anArmy lawyer, Kirchmaier must have also known that providing falseinformation toaCIDagent isa seriouscriminaloffense,punishablebyimprisonment and/or dishonorable discharge. Kirchmaier neverthelessinstructed Captain Scott not to disclose anything to the CID or Dr.Mallak, and when questioned by the CID agent himself, Kirchmaierprevaricated. Deftly concealing the radioactive truth, he revealedabsolutely nothing about the fratricide. As a direct consequence ofKirchmaier’sdeceitful conduct, theCIDconcluded therewasno reasontodelvefurtherintothecircumstancesofTillman’sdeath,anddeclinedto go forward with its investigation.* Shortly thereafter, Kirchmaierreceived an e-mail fromMcChrystal’s legal advisor, LieutenantColonelNormanAllen,inwhichAllencongratulatedKirchmaierfor“keepingthe

CID at bay.”† On the night of April 28, following the autopsy,Marie,Kevin, and Russell Baer brought Pat home. From the San Franciscoairport,ahearsetookMarie,Kevin,andPat’sremainstoamortuaryinSanJose,wherePat’sparents,hisbrotherRichard,andoneofhisunclesmetthemshortlybeforemidnight.Assadasthereunionwas,everyonewastremendouslyrelievedtoseeKevin.On April 30, Pat was cremated. A public memorial service was

scheduledforMonday,May3,tobeheldattheSanJoseMunicipalRoseGarden.

* Apparently, Hodne was unaware that Gul Zaman, a thirty-three-year-old Wazir tribesmanraisedinanearbyvillage,wassittinginaprisoncellattheGuantánamoBaydetentioncamponApril22,2004,wherehe’dbeenheldsincehisarrestonJanuary21,2002,forbeingan“enemycombatant.” Zaman was freed from Guantánamo on April 20, 2005, after a military tribunaldeterminedthathewasaninnocentAfghanwhohadbeenwronglycharged.

*AnewCIDinvestigationwouldbelaunchedinlate2005inconjunctionwithaninvestigationconductedbytheinspectorgeneralofthePentagon.

†Whenaskedin2006,underoath,iftheyhadorderedsoldierstoconcealfromMallakortheCIDthatTillman’sdeathwasbeinginvestigatedasafratricide,McChrystalandKirchmaierrepeatedlyinvokedsuchphrasesas,“notthatIcanrecall,”“Idon’tremember,”“notthatIremember,”“nottorecollection,”and“that’sdefinitelynotmyrecollection.”Nixonadmittedhegavetohismen“generalguidance” that “Ididn’twantanyexternal communications,”buthe insisted, “Idon’trememberthespecificguidance….Asitrelatedtoexternalcommunicationsorspecificsofguystalkingbetweeneachother,Idon’tknowthatIputanythingspecificoutonthat.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-THREE

Within hours of Tillman’s death on April 22, Rangers at FOB Salernostarted filling out paperwork to give Tillman a Silver Star, the thirdhighestdecorationforvalorthatcanbeawardedtoamemberoftheU.S.Armed Forces. Brigadier General McChrystal administered the medalrecommendation process, whichwas expedited so the award could beannouncedinadvanceofthememorialserviceonMay3.AccordingtoMcChrystal’stestimony,heflewfromBagramtoSalernoand“satdownwith the people who recommended [the Silver Star]… and we wentoverawhiteboard,andwelookedatthegeometryofthebattlefield,andIqueriedthepeopletosatisfymyselfthat,infact,hisactionswarranted[the Silver Star], even though there was a potential that the actualcircumstancesofdeathhadbeenfriendlyfire.”ThislatterclauseisalawyerlyflourishonMcChrystal’spart,intended

tosuggestthattherewasstilldoubtaboutthecauseofTillman’sdeath,whenactuallyheknewwithnearcertaintythatitwasfratricide.Duringthe medal-recommendation process, McChrystal was shown thepreliminaryfindingsofCaptainScott’sArticle15–6investigation,whichincludedsworntestimonyfrommorethanadozensoldiersinTillman’splatoon.IncludedinthistestimonywereeyewitnessaccountsdescribinghowTillmanhadexposedhimselftohundredsofmachine-gunroundsinordertoprotectPrivateBryanO’Neal.McChrystalascertained,correctly,that the valor of Tillman’s act was in no way diminished by theincontrovertible fact that that this lethal fusillade had come from hisAmerican comrades. “So,” McChrystal explained, “I was comfortablerecommending, once I believed that the people in the fight wereconvinced it warranted a Silver Star.” On April 28, six days afterTillman’s death, McChrystal reviewed the medal recommendationdocuments assembled byMajor Hodne and Lieutenant Colonel Bailey,endorsedtheentirepackage,ande-mailed itupthechainofcommandtotheactingsecretaryoftheArmy,R.L.Brownlee.

The material received by Brownlee consisted of five documents: anaward recommendation form bearing the signatures of McChrystal,Nixon, Bailey, andCaptainWilliam Saunders; a one-paragraph “awardcitation” that summarizedTillman’s courageous deed; a five-paragraph“award narrative” that offered amore nuanced account of his actions;and two brief statements from soldiers who witnessed those actions.Astoundingly, none of these documents mentioned anything aboutfriendlyfire.Indeed,theawardcitationalleged,“Corporal*Tillmanputhimselfinthelineofdevastatingenemyfire,”eventhoughnoeffectiveenemyfirewaseverdirectedatTillman’spositionduringtheincident.The two witness statements were attributed to Private O’Neal andSergeant Mel Ward. O’Neal testified that he was put in front of acomputerand told to typeouta statement,whichhedid,butafterhewroteit,hiswordswereembellishedsoegregiouslythatheneversignedit. InWard’s case, he didn’t even rememberwriting such a statement.During the investigation, Ward says, “When they showed me a SilverStar recommendation that I supposedlywrote forPat, itwasunsigned,which is a big red flag forme, because in theArmy you can’t submitanythingwithoutsigningit.Theywouldhavehandeditrightbacktomeandsaid,‘Hey,stupid,youneedtosignthis.’Besides,itdidn’tsoundlikemy words…. It sounded really hokey—something I would never havewritten.”All the recommendation material that McChrystal approved andsubmittedtoSecretaryBrownleewaspainstakinglywrittentocreatetheimpression that Tillman was killed by enemy fire. By any objectivemeasure, the recommendationwas fraudulent. On June 2, 2009, afterPresident Obama nominated McChrystal to command U.S. forces inAfghanistan, thematter of themisleadingmedal recommendationwasraised during the general’s confirmation hearing before the SenateArmed Services Committee. Senator JohnMcCain askedMcChrystal toexplainwhy,fiveyearsearlier,hehadsubmittedthefalsifiedSilverStarrecommendation to the secretaryof theArmy“in the form that itwasin.”Stammering,McChrystal replied, “WesentaSilverStar thatwasnotwellwritten—and,although Iwent through theprocess, Iwill tellyounowthatIdidn’treviewthecitationwellenoughtocapture—or,Ididn’t

catchthat,ifyoureadit,youcanimplythatitwasnotfriendlyfire.”Heinsisted that the recommendationpackagebearinghis signaturewasn’tmeanttodeceive.AccordingtoMcChrystal—acommanderrenownedforhis obsessive attention to detail and intolerance of sloppy work bysubordinates—he simply failed to notice that each of the documentspurportingtodescribethedeadlyfirefighthadbeencarefullycraftedtoomititsmostsalientparticular—thefactthatTillmanhadbeenshotbyhisRangercomrades.As a consequence of McChrystal’s chicanery, on April 29, 2004,Secretary Brownlee formally certified the Silver Star award withoutknowing thatTillmanwas a victimof fratricide, or thathis deathwaseven under investigation. Meanwhile, Dr. Mallak, the militarypathologistwhohadperformedTillman’sautopsy,wasstilltryingtofindout why the official cause of death provided by the Ranger Regimentdidn’tmatch themedical evidence. In the hope of obtaining Tillman’shelmet, uniform, and body armor for forensic analysis, he contactedBrigadier General Gina Farrisee, director of Military PersonnelManagement for theArmy’sdeputychiefof staff,whohappened tobeprocessing Tillman’s Silver Star recommendation when Mallak called.Unawarethattherecommendationdocumentswerefraudulent,FarriseepassedthemalongtoMallakinthehopethattheymightshedsomelightonthecauseofdeathandclearupsomeoftheconfusion.When Mallak read the medal recommendation, however, hisconsternation only grew. He told Farrisee, “This story stinks.” Crucialdetails of the firefight as described in the Silver Star documentsappeared tobecontradictedbyMallak’sautopsy findings. “Youhaveaproblem,”hewarned.“Thisisn’tright.YouneedtostoptheSilverStar.”“Ifwethoughtthatanythinginthatawardnarrativeatthetimewasuntrue,”Farriseelaterconceded,“weprobablywouldhavehelduptheaward.”ButbythetimeMallaksoundedthealarmitwastoolate.Themedalwasalreadyadonedeal.OnApril28,adaybeforethesecretaryoftheArmycertifiedtheSilverStar, McChrystal received word from Rumsfeld’s office that theWhiteHousewasworkingonaspeechinwhichPresidentBushwouldeulogizeTillmanattheannualWhiteHouseCorrespondents’Associationdinner.BecausetheactualcauseofTillman’sdeathhadbeenwithheldfromthe

president’s speechwriters, McChrystal fretted that the White Housemight inadvertently script something that would make the presidentlooklikealiarshouldthetruthaboutTillmaneventuallybeleaked.To forestall such a gaffe, on April 29 McChrystal e-mailed a high-

prioritypersonalmemo(knownasa“PersonalFor”memo,orsimplya“P4”) to General John Abizaid, the CENTCOM commander; GeneralBryan Brown, commander of U.S. Special Operations Command; andLieutenant General Kensinger, commander of the U.S. Army SpecialOperationsCommand.“Sir,intheaftermathofCorporalPatrickTillman’suntimelyyetheroic

deathinAfghanistanon22April04,”McChrystalwrote,

it is anticipated that a 15–6 investigation nearing completionwill find that it is highly possible that Corporal Tillman waskilledbyfriendly fire.Thispotential finding isexacerbatedbythe unconfirmed but suspected reports that POTUS [thepresidentof theUnitedStates] and theSecretaryof theArmymightincludecommentsaboutCorporalTillman’sheroismandhis approved Silver Star medal in speeches currently beingprepared…. I felt that it was essential that you received thisinformationassoonaswedetecteditinordertoprecludeanyunknowing statements by our country’s leaders which mightcause public embarrassment if the circumstances of CorporalTillman’sdeathbecomepublic.

Many months later, after the cover-up unraveled and the TillmanfamilypressuredgovernmentofficialsandtheArmytorevealwhowasresponsibleforthe lies they’dbeentold,McChrystalwouldspintheP4memo as proof that he nevermeant to conceal the fratricide. But hissecretback-channelmemodidn’turgeanyone todivulge the truthandendthecover-up; itmerelysoundedthealarmthatsomeoneneededtowarn speechwriters to be ambiguous about the cause of death whencrafting statements about Tillman, in order to provide President Bushwithdeniability.(InthespeechBushgaveatthecorrespondents’dinnertwo days after the P4 was sent, the president praised Tillman for hiscourageandsacrifice,butpointedlymadenomentionofhowhedied.)

If McChrystal had a change of heart after submitting the falsifiedmedalrecommendationandreallywantedthetruthtobeknown,allheneededtodowaspickupthephone, informthesecretaryof theArmythat Tillmanwas killed by friendly fire, and ask him to put the SilverStaronholduntilthepaperworkcouldbecorrected.Thatdidn’thappen.Instead,SecretaryBrownleeapproved themedalbasedon the spuriousdocumentssubmittedbyMcChrystal,andonApril30theArmyissuedapressreleaseannouncingthatTillmanhadbeenposthumouslyawardedtheSilverStar.Becauseitmadenomentionoffriendlyfire,noneofthehundreds of news stories based on the press release reported anythingabout friendly fire, and thenationwas therebykept in thedarkaboutthe fratricide. As Brigadier GeneralHoward Yellen later testified, “Forthecivilianonthestreet,theinterpretationwouldbethathewaskilledbyenemyfire.”

DuringMcChrystal’stestimonytotheSenateArmedServicesCommitteein June 2009, Senator JimWebb asked him to explain his role in theTillmanscandal.McChrystalconfessed,“Wefailedthefamily.AndIwasapartofthat,andIapologizeforit.”Butthenheabruptlychangedhistone and reiterated the same blatantly dishonest claims made byvirtually every officer who participated in the cover-up: “It was notintentional….Ididn’tseeanyactivitiesbyanyonetodeceive.”A moment later, however, McChrystal hinted at what might havemotivated him to orchestrate what can only be described as a broadconspiracy to conceal Tillman’s fratricide from the secretary of theArmy, the Armed Forces medical examiner, the Army CriminalInvestigative Division, the Tillman family, the news media, and thecitizensoftheUnitedStates.“Toprovidecontext,”McChrystaltestifiedtoWebb,“asyouremember,Senator,wewerestillincombatwhenweweredoingallofthat….WewereinthefirstbattleofFallujahinIraqatthesametime,soweweremakingmistakes.”Three weeks before Tillman was killed, horrific violence engulfedFallujah. The bloodshed commenced when Iraqi insurgents killed fourAmericansecuritycontractorsworkingforBlackwaterUSA,burnedtheirbodies,dragged them through the streets, and thenhung their charred

remains from a bridge over the Euphrates River. In response, twothousand U.S. Marines launched an assault on the city, initiatingferociousurbancombatthatcontinueduntiltheMarineswerepulledoutof Fallujah on May 1, 2004, by which time twenty-seven Americantroops were dead, and more than ninety had been wounded. Thecommander of one of the insurgent factions, a previously unheraldedfigurenamedAbuMussabal-Zarqawi,emergedafterthebattleasaheroto Sunni Iraqis for standing up to the Americans and forcing them towithdraw from the city, transforming him from aminor player into adangerousfoe.One week before Tillman’s death, compounding the bleak reports

coming out of Fallujah, CBS News notified Rumsfeld and GeneralRichard Meyers, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, that 60MinutesIIwasabouttobroadcastastoryaboutthetortureandabuseofIraqiinmatesbyU.S.soldiersataprisoncalledAbuGhraib.OnApril28,whentheprogramaired,theimagesanddescriptionsoftheabuseswereshocking.AsAlbertoGonzales, theWhiteHouse counsel,*watched theshowintheWestWinghemuttereddarkly,“Thisisgoingtokillus.”Twodayslater,onApril30,anevenmoredisturbingstoryaboutAbu

GhraibwrittenbythejournalistSeymourHershwaspostedontheWebsite of The New Yorker magazine. The alleged mistreatment of AbuGhraibprisonersincludedsexualhumiliation,sodomy,beating,murder,and the rapeofa sixteen-year-old Iraqigirl,provokingoutragearoundthe world. The revelations added significantly to the Bushadministration’sgrowingdifficultiesinIraq,wherethewarhadrecentlytakenadramaticturnfortheworse.The upshot of these disquieting developments was that the White

Housewas frantic to comeupwith something todivertattention fromthe deadly quagmire that Iraq had become, precisely as Osama binLaden had gleefully forecast. The president was engaged in a bare-knucklecampaigntowinasecondtermintheWhiteHouse,theelectionwasbarelysixmonthsaway,andhisapprovalratingswereplummeting.When Tillman was killed, White House perception managers saw anopportunity not unlike the one provided by the Jessica Lynch debaclethirteenmonthsearlier.TheadministrationhadtriedtomakeTillmananinspirationalemblem

for theGlobalWar onTerrorwhenhewas alive, but he had rebuffedthoseeffortsbyrefusingtodoanymediainterviews.Iftherehadbeenaway to prevent theWhite House from exploiting him after his death,Tillmanwould have done that, too, as hemade clear to Jade Lane inIraq. “When we were in Baghdad, our cots were next to each other,”Laneremembers.“PatandIusedtotalkatnightalotbeforewe’drackout.Idon’tknowhowtheconversationgotbroughtup,butonenighthesaid he was afraid that if something were to happen to him, Bush’speoplewould, like,make a big deal out of his death and parade himthroughthestreets.Andthosewerehisexactwords:‘Idon’twantthemto parade me through the streets.’ It just burned into my brain, himsayingthat.”Following Tillman’s death, there was nothing to prevent the Bush

administration fromusinghis celebrity toadvance itspolitical agenda.JimWilkinson,themasterpropagandistwhohadusedtheJessicaLynchrescuetocoveruptheNasiriyahcatastropheduringtheinvasionofIraq,hadbeenappointedbyKarlRoveasdirectorofcommunicationsfortheupcomingRepublicanNationalConvention,andwasthereforenolongeravailabletoorchestratetheTillmanspin.ButWilkinsonhadtrainedhissuccessors well. They wasted no time in concocting a narrative aboutTillmanthattheyhopedwoulddistracttheAmericanpublicinthesamewaythatWilkinson’s fableaboutLynchhad.Thefact thatTillmanhadbeen cut down by his Ranger buddies rather than by the TalibanwaspotentiallyproblematicfortheWhiteHouse,althoughtherewerewaysto keep that information fromentering thepublic domain for awhile,maybeevenalongwhile.The moment the White House learned of Tillman’s death, the

president’sstaffwentintooverdrive.OnApril23,thedayafterTillmanperished, approximately two hundred e-mails discussing the situationweretransmittedorreceivedbyWhiteHouseofficials,includingstaffersfromBush’sreelectioncampaign,whosuggestedtothepresidentthatitwouldbeadvantageousforhimtorespondtoTillman’sdeathasquicklyaspossible. JeanieMamo—Bush’sdirectorofmedia affairs—sent an e-mail toLawrenceDiRita,Rumsfeld’spress secretary,asking fordetailsaboutthetragedysoshecouldusetheminaWhiteHousepressrelease.By 11:40 a.m., a statement about Tillman had been drafted and

forwarded to Press Secretary Scott McClellan and CommunicationsDirector Dan Bartlett, who immediately approved the statement onbehalf of President Bush and then disseminated it to the public, eventhough doing so violated the Military Family Peace of Mind Act—apolicymandatedbyCongressandsignedinto lawbythepresident justfive months earlier—which was intended to give families of warcasualties twenty-four hours to grieve privately before any publicannouncementwasmadeabout thevictim.Because theTillman familywasn’t notified of Pat’s death until the evening ofApril 22, theWhiteHousewasforbiddentoissueitspressreleasebeforetheeveningofthetwenty-third.BartlettlaterexplainedthatherushedoutthestatementaboutTillmanillegally, andwith such extraordinary haste, in order to accommodateoverwhelminginterestfromthemedia,notingthatthestory(whichdidnot disclose that Tillman had been killed by friendly fire), “made theAmericanpeoplefeelgoodaboutourcountry…andourmilitary.”Whilehewasalive,Tillmanhadbeentheobjectoftremendouspublicfascination, and White House officials guessed that selling him as afallen war hero would send the media into an orgy of adulatorycoverage.Theywerenotdisappointed.ThousandsoftributestoTillmanappearedinallmannerofmediaoverthedaysandweeksthatfollowed.Aswith the frenzy that followed the Jessica Lynch rescue, neither theWhite House nor military perception managers had to do much tosustain themedia’s focusonTillman; indeed, theydid littlemore thanmonitor the coverageandmake copiesof all thepublishedarticles fortheirfiles.OnApril25,justtwodaysaftertheinitialWhiteHousepressrelease,a“WeekendMediaAssessment”compiledbytheArmychiefofstaff’s Office of Public Affairs reported that stories about Tillman hadgeneratedthegreatestinterestintheArmysincethepresident’s“MissionAccomplished” speechon theaircraft carrier thepreviousMay,addingthattheTillmanstories“hadbeenextremelypositiveinallmedia.”Haditbeendisclosedat theoutset thatTillmanwaskilledby friendly fire,thepresscoveragewouldhavebeennolessvoluminous,butitseffectonthenation’smoodwouldhavebeenverydifferent.TheArmy’sannouncementonApril30thatTillmanhadbeenawardedthe Silver Star prompted another torrent of favorable press. One day

later, on May 1, McChrystal was promoted from Brigadier General toMajorGeneral.

OnMonday,May 3—one day shy of Pat andMarie’s secondweddinganniversary—two thousand people gathered at the San JoseMunicipalRose Garden for Pat’s memorial service. Lieutenant General Kensingerwas in attendance, and sought out the family before the ceremony topersonally express his condolences. Although he obsequiously assuredtheTillmansthathewoulddoeverythinginhispowertohelpthefamilythrough this difficult period, he said nothing to correct theirunderstanding,basedontheintentionallymisleadingdetailsprovidedbytheArmy,thatPathadbeenshotbytheTaliban.Thememorialcommencedwith thekeeningofbagpipes,afterwhichfriends, coaches, teammates, family members, and various luminariessharedtheirmemoriesofPatfromthestage.ESPNbroadcasttheentireeventliveonnationaltelevision.MariaShriverspoke,andSenatorJohnMcCain. Pat’s ex-teammate Jake Plummer described his old pal asfearless, tough, caring, and “one of themost beautiful people to haveeverenteredmy life.”Plummer rememberedagame inwhichPathadreceived the football after the opposing teamkicked it off: “Hewasn’tsupposedto,buthehappenedtocatchtheball.Healmosttookittothehouse.” Laughing, Plummer recalled, “Whenhe got tackledhe jumpedupandlookedaroundlike,‘What’sthebigdeal?Thisain’tthathard.’”DaveMcGinnis,whocoachedPatforhisentireNFLcareer,observed,“If youwanted [Pat’s] opinion, all youhad todowasaskhim.And ifyoudidn’twanthisopinionanddidn’taskhim,he’dstillgiveittoyou.”Larry Marmie, the defensive coordinator for the Arizona CardinalswhohadlovedPatlikeaprodigalson,wasvisiblycrushedbyhisdeath.“Patlivedlifeonhisterms,”Marmietoldtheaudiencewithafalteringvoice,“hewalkedawayfromthecomfortandmaterialthingsthatmostofusdesire,hesoughtoutdanger forwhathedeemedtobeagreatergood.”MarmiedescribedPatas“fiercelyunique,”with“astrongdislikefortheeasywayout.Hewascaring,hewasthoughtful,andhewassoft.Patwassoftintheheart.Hewashumbleyetconfident,reserved,buthewashard.Youwantedthisguyonyourteam,anditdidn’thavetobea

football team…. It was fun coaching Pat. It was challenging coachingPat.ItwasanhonortocoachPat.Ilearnedalotfromhim.Playersareusuallytryingtoearntherespectoftheircoach.IfoundmyselftryingtoearnPat’srespect.”ManypeoplespokemovinglyofPat,butperhapsthemostcaptivating

tributecamefromSteveWhite,theNavySEALwhomPatandKevinhadbefriendedduringOperationIraqiFreedom.Onthemorningbeforetheservice, anArmy representativeaskedWhite toannounce thatPathadbeenawardedtheSilverStar.Inordertodothat,Whitefeltthatfirstheneeded to get the facts straight, sohe requested that somebody in theSecond Ranger Battalion provide him with details about the fatalfirefight. “I called an enlisted person, whose name I cannot recall,”White later testified. After this Ranger read the Silver Star citation toWhiteoverthephone,Whiterephrasedtheofficialnarrativeinhisownwords and then read it back to the Ranger. According to his sworntestimony, White asked this Ranger “if it was an accuratesummarization,andhesaiditwas,andthatiswhatIwentwithinmyspeech.”White began his encomium to Pat by explaining how they met in

SaudiArabia just before the start of the IraqWar. “Prettymucheverynightforthenextthreemonthsifweweren’tworking,”Whiterecalled,

wewereoutdrinkingcoffeeandenjoyingeachother’scompanyoutthere,gettingtoknoweachother….IgotthenewsearlyonFridaymorningaboutPat’sdeath.I’dbeen spending the day flying back home, and I watched thenewsonevery layover,waiting for theword tobreak.Once Isawthatitwasout,IcontemplatedatthatpointcallingMarie.Iknew that there was going to be a lot going on and I didn’twanttoaddto it.Whenmywifepickedmeupat theairport,she asked if I’d called Marie. I gave her my reason, and shelooked atme and said, “If the tables were turned right now,wouldhehave calledme?”That’s thekindofmanPatwas. Iimmediatelypickedupthephone….TheSilverStarandthePurpleHeartthatPathasearnedwillbegiventoMarieataprivateceremony.TheSilverStarisone

ofthisnation’shighestawards;thePurpleHeartisrewardedforwoundsreceivedincombat.Ifyou’rethevictimofanambush,there are very few things that you can do to increase yourchances for survival, one of which is to get off that ambushpoint as fast as you can. One of the vehicles in Pat’s convoycouldnotgetoff.Hemadethecall;hedismountedhistroops,takingthefighttotheenemy,uphill,toseizethetacticalhighgroundfromtheenemy.Thisgavehisbrothers inthedownedvehicle time to move off that target. He directly saved theirliveswiththatmove.Patsacrificedhimselfsothathisbrotherscouldlive.

“I,likeeveryoneintheaudience,wasgreatlyaffectedlisteningtotheyoung Naval officer speak,” wrote Dannie Tillman, recalling White’seulogyinBootsontheGroundbyDusk.“Hewasthefirstpersontogiveusan account of Pat’s death.” The detailsWhite shared about Pat’s finalmomentsbroughtDannieasmallmeasureofpeace,shesaid,whichhadbeenabsentsincethefamilylearnedofhispassingelevendaysearlier.At the conclusion of the ceremony, threeRangers in formalmilitary

dressmarcheduptoMarieandPat’sparentsandpresentedeachofthemwitha foldedAmerican flag.The soldierwhohandeda flag toDanniewasRussellBaer.Thatevening,theTillmansinvitedWhiteandBaertoagathering of their friends at Dannie’s cottage in New Almaden. Pat’sfather asked Baer to share his recollections of the firefight. It was anawkwardmoment for theyoungRanger.Hetold theTillmansasmuchdetailashecouldwithoutviolatingtheordernottorevealthatPatwasshot by hisRanger comrades,which of course led everyone to believethatPathadbeenkilledbytheTaliban.Afterward, Baerwas furious that theArmy had forced him to lie to

Pat’s family and friends. “I had just handed the parents the flags,” hesaid.“Isawthelookontheirfaces.AfewdaysearliertheguysIworkedwithhadkilledPatandanotherguy,injuredtwomore,andshotatme,andIwasn’tallowedtotellanyone.”WhenhewasorderedtoreturntoFortLewis thenextday,hedecided togoAWOL instead, andwent tostaywithhisgrandparentsinLivermore.WhenBaerfailedtoreportforduty, the sergeant major of the Second Ranger Battalion repeatedly

called his cell phone and left threatening messages. “He called me adeserter,”saysBaer.“Hesaid Iwas theworstRangerever. I sat inmygrandparents’housestaringatawallanddidn’treturnthecalls.”The day after thememorial service, CaptainRichard Scott delivered

thefinalreportofhis15–6investigationofTillman’sdeathtoLieutenantColonelBailey.Scott’s15–6determined,amongotherthings:

“LeadershipplayedacriticalroleandgreatlycontributedtothefratricideincidentthatkilledSPCPatTillman.”“Bythetimetheywereapproachingtheridgelinewherefriendlyforceswerepositioned;[sic]serialtwowasnotreceivingenemyfire.Infact,serialtwoneverreceivedeffectiveenemyfirethroughouttheentireenemycontact….ItisclearlyevidentthattheleadersinserialtwofailedtopositivelycontroltheirweaponsystemsandtheirRangers.”“Grossnegligence”wasafactorinTillman’sdeath,andheadquartersshouldfurtherinvestigatetodeterminewhethertherewascriminalintent.

Scott’s reportwent up the chain of command to Colonel Nixon andLieutenantColonelBaileyandthendisappeared.Inresponsetorepeatedinquiriesaboutwhathappened to it, theArmysimply replied,“Itdoesnot exist.” Nixon would later explain to investigators that because hebelievedtheinquirywas“deficient,”hedidn’tconsiderita“completedinvestigation”andneversignedScott’sfinalreport.Officially,therefore,the investigation never happened. Nixon opined that in hindsight,“CaptainScottdidnothavetheexperiencetoinvestigatethematter.”OnMay 8,MajorGeneralMcChrystal appointed Lieutenant Colonel RalphKauzlarich—Nixon’s second-in-command, the executive officer of theSeventy-fifthRangerRegiment—to initiateanew15–6 investigationattheregimentallevel.

FollowingthememorialserviceinSanJose,KevinandMariereturnedtotheirhouseabovePugetSound.Althoughtheydidtheirbesttostrugglethrougheachday,neitherofthemwasreadytoconfrontthegapingvoidleftbyPat’sabsence.

BackinAfghanistan,theBlackSheepofSecondPlatooncontinuedtofunction as a combat unit even thoughPatwas dead andUthlaut andLanewereinanArmyhospitalconvalescingfromtheirwounds.“Despitewhat happened,” says Sergeant Bradley Shepherd, “it was still thebeginningofourdeployment,andwewereinenemyterritory.TheArmyneededustobecombateffective.Theytriedtogetustoputeverythingbehindusandfocusonthematterathand.”“Theyhad to go back to trusting each other,” Jade Lane elaborates.

“It’s a necessity over there. There was a war going on. Guys had towatch each other’s backs. They had to do their jobs. I think they fellback into thatgrooveprettyquicklyandkeptmoving forward.But forsomeofusthatjustwasn’tapossibility.”On the evening ofMay22, exactly onemonth after Pat’s death, the

BlackSheepreturnedtoFortLewisfromAfghanistan.ItwasaSaturdaynight,soKevinwasn’trequiredtobeatthebase,buthedroveintogreethis comrades when they arrived. “We were happy to be home,” saysShepherd. “Guys were laughing and joking and looking forward togettingdrunk,andKevinwas juststandingtherebytheCQdesk,rightinside theentrance,and I’llnever forget the lookonhis facewhenwewalkedin.Youcouldtellhewaslike,‘Patisdead.Howcomeeveryoneiscelebrating?’Hewashurt,andpissed,andIunderstandwhy.Ithauntsmetothisday.”Kevinwent home and didn’t see any of the Black Sheep again until

Monday morning when he reported for duty. He worked out withAshpole and Elliott, oblivious to their role in Pat’s death, and thenhelped his platoonmates sort out their gear and clean theirweapons.Around11:00a.m.,SergeantJeffreyJackson,Kevin’ssquadleader,toldhimthatTommyFuller,thefirstsergeantofAlphaCompany,wantedtoseehiminhisoffice.Upon theSecondRangerBattalion’s return toFort Lewis, Lieutenant

Colonel Bailey had realized they had a serious problem. More than ayear remained on Kevin’s Army contract, and he would be spendingthosemonths incloseproximitywithmanysoldierswhowereprivytothe circumstances of Pat’s death. Some of those soldiers were upsetabout being ordered to lie. Guilt, anger, and alcohol were likely toloosentongues.

AccordingtoBailey’stestimony,hecalledhisboss,ColonelNixon,andsaid, “Sir … We’re back, and I cannot separate these guys. I mean,you’vegot600Rangers.Everybodyknowsthestory.Thisisgoingtogetout.I’dliketogoaheadanddoit.”Without exception, every colonel andgeneral officer interrogatedby

investigators—Bailey included—insisted that from themomentPatwaskilled, he wanted to immediately notify the Tillman family thatfratricidewas the cause of their son’s death. But each officer claimedthat he felt obligated to wait until a thorough investigation had beencompletedinordertoavoidtelling“thefamilysomethingthatwasnottrue,” asNixonphrased it, “and it took a considerable time to get thetruth.” All of them seemed to be reading from the same patentlydisingenuous script, reciting a series of self-serving rationalizationsintendedtojustifywhatwasactuallyaverycalculatedefforttodeceivenot just the Tillman family but also the American public—which ofcoursewastherealtargetofthemisinformationcampaign.BythemorningofApril23, therewasneveranygenuinedoubt that

Tillman had been killed by friendly fire. Scott’s investigation, whichconfirmed the fratricide,was completedonMay8and thenexpunged,causing it for all intents and purposes to vanish from the face of theearth. Kauzlarich’s investigation, which unequivocally determined that“CorporalTillman’sdeathwastheresultoffratricide,”wascompletedonMay16,butthenkeptunderextremelytightwraps,treatedasifitwereagravethreattonationalsecurity.Nixon’ssworntestimonynotwithstanding,it’sdifficulttofathomhow

the obsessive secrecy, falsified documents, and destruction of evidencewereintendedtoprotectthefamilyfromreceivingafalseimpressionofhowPatdied.TheavailableevidenceindicatesthatMcChrystalandhissubordinates in the Seventy-fifth Ranger Regiment engaged in acoordinated effort todeliberatelymislead the family, andhigh-rankingofficialsattheWhiteHouseandthePentagonabettedthedeception.AsBailey’stestimonyunderscores,theonlyreasontheArmyfinallydecidedtocomecleanwasthatKevinwasabouttolearnthetruthonhisown.When Bailey recognized that it was no longer possible to keep the

secretcontained,FirstSergeantFullerwasorderedtobreakthenewstoKevin. After being summoned to Fuller’s office, Kevin sat down and

listened as Alpha Company’s highest-ranking noncommissioned officerexplained that Pat “may have been killed” by Rangers in his ownplatoon, but thewordsdidn’t register. “It just didn’tmake any sense,”Kevintestified.HehadbeentoldthatPatwas“runningupthehillandhegotshot….ButIdidn’t—itjustdidn’tevencrossmymindthathegothitbyhisownguys….Imean,itdidn’tcrossmymindatall….Ithoughthehadbeenkilledbytheenemy.”Kevin was reeling when he walked out of Fuller’s office. He’d justspentthemorningworkingalongsidethesoldierswhowereresponsibleforhisbrother’sdeath,andtheyhadallactedlikeeverythingwasfine.“IdidmyPT[physicaltraining]withtwoofthepeoplethatkilledPat,”Kevintestified,“andthenwenttobreakfastwiththePL[platoonleader]who eventually got fired—telling him, ‘Hey, you did a good job outthere’—nothavingacluewhat reallywenton in that firstpart, so I’mtryingtopumpthePLup.”KevinwenthomeandtoldMariewhathadjustbeenrevealedtohim.AdaylaterBaileycametotheirhouseandofficiallynotifiedthemthatfratricide was the cause of Pat’s death. Bailey, Kevin, andMarie thenmadeplanstoflytoSanJosesothatKevincouldinformhisparentsinpersonlateFridaynight,May28.BaileyassuredKevinandMariethatnoinformationwouldbereleasedtothemediauntiltherestoftheTillmanfamilyhadbeennotified.Kevinwas toldof the fratricideby theAlphaCompanyfirst sergeanton Monday, May 24. So why did Bailey wait until the night of thetwenty-eighthtonotifytheTillmanparents?ThetimingisbafflinguntilonelearnsthatthedecisionbyBaileyandNixontopreemptivelyletthecatoutofthebagcaughtthePentagonandtheWhiteHousebysurprise,and generated no small amount of consternation at those institutions.Rumsfeld’sofficewantedtimetocomeupwithaplanforcontainingthedamagebeforethenewswasreleasedtothemedia.Towardthatend,itwas decided that there would be no public disclosure until Saturday,May 29—the start of theMemorial Dayweekend,when few reporterswould be at their desks and not many Americans would be payingattentiontothenews.On May 28 a video teleconference was held on a secure militarynetwork to hash out a game plan for announcing the fratricide.

Participating were Bryan Brown, the four-star general in command ofUSSOC; Vice Admiral Eric Olson, deputy commander of USSOC;Lieutenant General Kensinger, commander of USASOC; LieutenantGeneralJamesLovelace, representing thesecretaryof theArmy;MajorGeneralR. StevenWhitcomb,CENTCOMchief of staff; a smatteringofcolonels;atleastonelawyer;andLawrenceDiRita,thenumber-twoguyat the Pentagon, who was a close friend of Rumsfeld’s. Although DiRita’sofficialtitlewasassistantsecretaryofdefenseforpublicaffairs,hisresponsibilities at the Pentagonwere considerably greater thanmerelyservingasRumsfeld’spresssecretary.Intruth,DiRita’srelationshipwithRumsfeldwasroughlyanalogoustoLewis“Scooter”Libby’srelationshipwithDickCheney,orKarlRove’srelationshipwiththepresident.DiRitawasamajorplayerintheBushadministration.The ensuing discussion between Di Rita and the military brass wastense.Thegreatestdisagreementconcernedthechoiceofaspokesmantostand before the television cameras and announce that the Army hadshot its poster boy. General Brown wanted someone from Rumsfeld’sofficetodoit,butDiRitaimmediatelyquashedthatidea.PartofhisjobwastomakesureRumsfeld’s fingerprintswerewipedcleanfromcrimescenes like this;hewasn’tabout to letanyoneassociatedwithhisbossappearwithinahundredmilesofthisscandal.Instead,DiRitadecreedthat a uniformed generalwould be the bearer of bad tidings. BecauseTillmanwasaRangerwhohadbeenkilledbyfellowRangers,anditwastheRangerRegimentthathadfailedtokeepalidonthefratricide,thejob was given to Kensinger, the highest-ranking officer in the Rangerchain of command. “Theywanted to keep, sir, the other organizationsseparate from it,” a colonel who was present explained to aninvestigator. Everyone agreed that under no circumstances shouldKensinger take any questions from the media after making theannouncement. The press briefing was scheduled for the followingmorningatFortBragg,NorthCarolina.Fridayafternoon,inadvanceofthebriefing,DannieTillmangothomefrom work to find a message on her machine from Billy House, areporter at theArizonaRepublic, thePhoenixnewspaper, askingher tocallhim.Whenshephonedhimback,Houseaskedwhatshethoughtofthenewshe’d just received fromanArmysource thatPat’sdeathmay

havebeenfromfriendly fire.Havingbeentoldrepeatedly thatPathadbeen shot by the Taliban, Dannie slammed the phone down, stunned.Thenewshadbeenleakedtothepressbeforeshehadbeennotified.Later thatevening,KevincalledSteveWhite, theNavySEALheandPathadbefriendedinIraq,totellhimthatPatwasavictimoffratricide.WhenWhite learned that he had been used to deliver propaganda, hetestified,“Iwasshocked.”Hesaidhefeltletdownby“mymilitary….IamtheguythattoldAmericahowhedied,basically,atthatmemorial,anditwasincorrect.Thatdoesnotsitwellwithme.”Thenextmorningat9:15,KensingerstoodstifflybeforetheassemblednewsmediaatFortBraggandrecitedhis lines,whichhadbeenvettedbyDiRita:

Goodmorning. Iwould like tomake abrief statement on theevents surrounding the death of Corporal Pat Tillman on 22April inAfghanistan.Iwillnotbetakingquestions.AmilitaryinvestigationbyU.S.CentralCommandinto thecircumstancesof the22AprildeathofCorporalPatrickTillman iscomplete.While there was no one specific finding of fault, theinvestigation results indicate that Corporal Tillman probablydiedas a result of friendly firewhilehisunitwas engaged incombatwithenemyforces….Weregretthelossofliferesultingfromthistragicaccident.Ourthoughtsandourprayersremainwith the Tillman family. Thank you all for being here thismorning.At the insistence of his superiors, the statement Kensingerhadbeengiventoreaddeclaredthat“Tillmanprobablydiedasaresultof friendlyfire,”eventhoughtheofficial investigationwas unequivocal in its determination that fratricide was thecauseofdeath.Following the press conference, perception managers fromthePentagoncongratulatedeachotherforlimitingthedamage.AnArmycolonelnotedinane-mailthatthe“storywillrunhottoday and diminish over the weekend.” A CENTCOM publicaffairs officer replied encouragingly that a recent attack inSaudiArabiawouldhelp“dilutethestorysomewhat.”

Kensinger’s brief, insincere announcement on that Saturdaymorningwouldturnouttobetheonlypublicstatementissuedby any official from the White House or the Pentagonacknowledging that Tillman had been killed by Americansoldiers, not enemy insurgents, as the world had beenencouragedtobelieve.

*Tillmanwasposthumouslypromotedtotherankofcorporal.

*GonzaleswouldbeappointedattorneygeneralbyPresidentBushtenmonthslater.

CHAPTERTHIRTY-FOUR

Overthepreviousweeks,theTillmanfamilyhadbeenstartingtocometotermswithPat’sdeath.Thencametherevelationoffratricide,whichmade them feel like he had been killed all over again. One smallconsolation was that the family learned an investigation had beencompleted—LieutenantColonelKauzlarich’s15–6.TheywereinvitedtoFort Lewis on June 16, 2004, to receive a briefing on its conclusionsfrom Colonel Nixon and Lieutenant Colonel Bailey, prompting Pat’sfathertorequestacopyofthe15–6reportbeforethebriefing,inordertobeabletoaskinformedquestions.TheArmyrefusedtoprovideoneinadvance.The meeting lasted for three hours. Bailey gave a PowerPoint

presentation to explain how the fatal firefight unfolded. When theTillmansaskedifthesoldiersresponsibleforPat’sdeathwouldbecourt-martialed,Bailey replied thathedidn’tknow.NordidBaileyorNixonprovide satisfactory answers tomost of the other questions the familyasked.Asthemeetingended,theTillmanswerebelatedlyhandedcopiesofthe15–6report,whichonlyraisedevenmoredisturbingquestions.WhentheArmyannouncedthedisciplinaryactionthathadbeentaken

in response to Pat’s death, the Tillmans were stunned. Major DavidHodneandCaptainWilliamSaunderseachreceivednothingmorethanawrittenreprimandfor“failingtoprovideadequatecommandcontrolofsubordinate units.” Staff Sergeant Greg Baker was busted in rank and“released for standards”—“RFS’d,” in Army lingo—meaning he wasexpelled from the Rangers and sent to the regular Army. The threemachine gunners inBaker’sHumvee—TrevorAlders, SteveElliott, andStephen Ashpole—were also RFS’d from the Rangers to the regularArmy. Lieutenant David Uthlaut, the platoon leader, was RFS’d andreceived a verbal reprimand fromBailey for “dereliction of duty.” Fortheirpart,Baileywaspromoted from lieutenant colonel to the rankofcolonel, and Nixon was made a brigadier general. All of which was

regardedbytheTillmanfamilyasadespicableaffronttoPat.SomesoldiersinSecondPlatoontookissuewiththedisciplinemetedout as well. There was unanimous agreement that Uthlaut wasscapegoated.“Everybody thinksUthlautgot theshaft,” saysJadeLane.“Theyshit-cannedthePLforsplittingtheplatoon,eventhoughhedidn’twant to split it at all. But because hewas responsible for the platoonoverall, he was booted out of the Rangers. If the Army has to decidewhethertopunishalieutenantcolonelatheadquartersoralieutenantinthefield,youbetterbelievethelieutenant’sgoingtotakethehiteverytime.Shitrollsdownhill.”LanesaystherewasdisagreementamonghisplatoonmatesaboutthepunishmentsdoledouttoBakerandtheshooters:

Some guys were like, “It was an accident. It was nobody’sfault.”Well,Ithinkeverybodyrealizeditwasanaccident.Theydidn’tshootPatandtheAMFsoldieronpurpose.Butsomeofusfeltliketheshooterswereresponsiblefortheiractions,andtheArmy shouldhaveheld themmore accountable than theydid. I’mnot saying they need prison time. But to get nothingmorethananRFS—that’saslaponthewrist.YoucangetRFS’dfor accidentally discharging your weapon, or not showing upforformation,ortalkingbacktoanofficer.YoucangetRFS’dfor getting a traffic ticket. So the Army gives the samepunishment for killing two innocent people? The punishmentjustdoesn’tfitthecrime.

Despite the lenient sanctions given to Greg Baker, Trevor Alders,StephenAshpole,andSteveElliott,allfoursoldiersobjectedvehementlywhentheylearnedtheyhadbeenRFS’d,insistingthatgettingbootedoutoftheRangersforthefratricidesofTillmanandFarhadwasdraconian.ThegreatestobjectionscamefromTrevorAlders,theSAWgunnerwho,according to the available evidence, fired the bullets that endedTillman’slife.OnJune4,Alderssubmittedafive-and-a-half-page,single-spaced letter inwhichhe insisted he did nothingwrong and imploredthe Seventy-fifth Ranger Regiment to reconsider his punishment. “IbelievemyactionsweretherightthingattherighttimesinceIwasnot

awareofafriendlyforcenearby,”hewrote.

IamadamanttostatemycasebeforethosemakingthedecisiononmyfatebecauseIdonotfeeljustifiedinbeingReleasedForStandards….OnethingthatmakesthissohardisthatsomeonewhodoesnotknowthepeopleIworkwithormeismakingthisdecisionregardingmycareerandmylife….IaskwhyisitthatayoungRangerthatdoeseverythingthatistaughttohimtodotobesuccessfulonthebattlefield isbeingreleased?…Iwentofftheinformationthatwasatmydisposalatthatspecifictimetomakethedecisioninthatfirefight.Isitmyfaultthattheareaofoperationfor theotherhalfofmyelementwasnotpointedout since we changed our route in the beginning of ourmovement? … I do not think that I should be Released ForStandardsfromtheunitthatIlove,dedicatedsomuchto,andsacrificed somuch for…. If I am removed from theRegimentforthisIdonotfeeltheproperjusticewillhavebeendone….Iamthelittlestmaninallofthisbeingonly140poundssoakingwetat5′5″andifIhavetohavethelargestvoiceonthisthenIwill because if my [chain of command] won’t support whattheyhave trainedme todo thenwhowill? Ihavenotpushedmyselftokeepupandsurpassothersaroundmejusttobefiredwithoutmyhonorasawarrior….Igave100%andthensomeeverytimeIdidanythinginthisunit….Nowsomeonewantstoriptheheartoutofme….Ihopethatafterreadingthisyouwilltake into consideration all that I have stated when it comestimetomakeyourdecision.IpraytoGodalmightythatjusticewillbedoneandmyfatetobeanhonorableone.RangersLeadTheWay!

ThethrustofAlders’sletterseemedtobethattheprimaryvictimofthetragedywasnotPatTillmanorSayedFarhadbutTrevorAlders.

On Sunday, September 19, 2004, during halftime of a football gamebetweentheNewEnglandPatriotsandtheArizonaCardinalsplayedinTempe, the Cardinals honored Pat with a halftime ceremony, during

whichMarie,Richard,andPat’sparentswalkedoutonto the fieldandstood on the fifty-yard line. Marie received heartfelt cheers when sheexpressedthankstothecrowdfortheoverwhelmingsupporttheTillmanfamilyhadreceivedfromArizonans.AhugeCardinals jerseyimprintedwith the number 40 was unfurled in the bleachers. Up on theJumboTron,PresidentGeorgeW.BushdeliveredabriefvideotributetoPat, but the crowd greeted the canned speech with a loud chorus ofboos,apparentlybelievingthegesturewasinspirednotbyanygenuinerespectforTillman,butratherbecauseBushwastrailinginmostopinionpollsandthepresidentialelectionwasjustforty-fourdaysaway.BecausetheArmyhadbetrayedDannieTillman’strustsocompletely,

andbecauseshehadcometotheconclusionthatitwasmoreinterestedin burying the truth than in illuminating it, soon after the Cardinals’tribute she compiled a long list of questions that Lieutenant ColonelKauzlarich’s15–6investigationhadfailedtoanswertohersatisfaction.Then she e-mailed the questions to John McCain, the senatorrepresenting Pat’s home state of Arizona, alongwith a formal requestthathehelpherreceivetheinformationshesought.Thenatureoftheanguishfeltbythebereavedwhenahusband,child,

orsiblingiskilledincombatvariesfrompersontopersonbutisalmostalwaysdevastating.Whenthecauseofthatlossisfratricide,thetormentisapttobegreaterstill.Itisnotunusualforsurvivorsofthedeceasedtobe overwhelmedby theirwoe, and to sink into a state of despair thatrendersthempassiveandnumb.ItwouldhavebeenconvenientfortheArmy, the Pentagon, and the White House if the Tillmans hadsuccumbedmeeklytotheirpaininthisfashion,allowingtheincidenttofadeunobtrusively into thepast, hiddenamong thewar’s long tally ofother tragedies. If that’s what these institutions anticipated, however,they underestimated the tenacity of Dannie Tillman. Channeling hergrief into determination, she resolved to take whatever steps werenecessary touncoverwhatreallyhappened toherson,and todiscoverwhy the Army lied to her family and the nation, after which sheintendedtoholdtheguiltypartiesaccountable.Thankstoherperseverance,onNovember8—sixdaysafterGeorgeW.

Bushwas elected to a second term as president—Kensinger appointedBrigadier General Gary Jones, the commander of the Army Special

Forces, to conduct still another 15–6 investigation to address newquestionsraisedbytheTillmanfamily.Yetagain,however, theArmy’singrownspecialoperationsfraternitywasbeinginvestigatedbyitself.As part of General Jones’s inquiry, onNovember 13 he interviewedKauzlarich. Near the end of this interrogation, Kauzlarich becamedefensiveaboutanumberofdeficienciesinhisinvestigationallegedbyDannieTillman.“Nobodyissatisfiedwiththeanswersinthatfamilythatthey’vebeengiven,”hecomplained.“Whydoyouthinkthatthefamilyisnotsatisfied?”Jonesasked.KauzlarichexplainedthatshortlybeforetheSecondRangerBattalionsent Pat’s remains home from Afghanistan, he was arranging arepatriationceremonywhenasergeantapproachedhimandsaid,“Hey,sir.KevinTillmandoesn’twant a chaplain involved inhis repatriationceremony.”WhenKauzlarich, an evangelicalChristian, askedwhy, thesergeantreplied,“Well,evidentlyheandhisbrotherareatheists.That’sthewaytheywereraised.”TowhichKauzlarichangrilydeclaimed,“Well,youcantellSpecialistTillmanthatthisceremonyain’tabouthim,itisabouteverybodyintheJoint Task Force bidding farewell to his brother, so there will be achaplainandtherewillbeprayers.”Pathadinfactmadehiswishesknownquiteexplicitlyinthisregard,andhadclearly statedhisviewson religion, life,anddeathon severaloccasionsaswell.Duringhistimeonearth,hewroteinhisjournalwhileservinginIraq,hewanted“todogood,influencelives,showtruthandright.” He believed it was important to have “faith in oneself” and toaspireto“ageneralgoodnessfreeofreligiouspretensions….I’veneverfeareddeathperse,orreallygivenashitwhathappens‘after.’I’llcrossthatbridgewhen I come to it.Myconcernshave todowith the ‘now’andbecomingthemanIenvision….I thinkIunderstandthatreligiousfaith which makes the holy brave and strong; my strength is justsomewhere else—it’s in myself…. I do not fear what may await me,thoughI’mequallyconfidentthatnothingawaits.”BeforedeployingtoIraq,PathadfilledoutastandardArmydocumentnotinghispreferencesforfuneralarrangementsintheeventofhisdeath,in which he unequivocally declared that he did not want either a

chaplainoracivilianministertoofficiateatanymemorialservicesthatmight be held, and that all arrangements pertaining to his death orfuneral should bemade byMarie. On the final line of the document,whichaskedifhehad“anyspecial instructions,”Patscrawledinblockletters,“Idonotwantthemilitarytohaveanydirectinvolvementwithmyfuneral.”The fact that neither Pat, norMarie, nor any of the other Tillmans

wanted a military chaplain to formally offer prayers at a memorialservice for Pat was incomprehensible to Kauzlarich. “Those that areChristianscancometotermswithfaithandthefactthereisanafterlife,heaven,orwhatnot,”hetestifiedtoJones.“I’mnotreallysurewhattheybelieveorhowtheycangettheirheadarounddeath.So,inmypersonalopinion,sir,thatiswhyIdon’tthinkthey’lleverbesatisfied.”Kauzlarich speculated further on the relationship between the

Tillmans’religiousviewsandtheirdissatisfactionwiththeinvestigationsduringa subsequent interviewwith the journalistMikeFish,publishedonlineatESPN.com:

KAUZLARICH:There’sbeennumerousunfortunatecasesoffratricide,andtheparentshavebasicallysaid,OK,itwasanunfortunateaccident.Andtheyletitgo.So,thisis—Idon’tknow,thesepeoplehaveahardtimelettingitgo.Itmaybebecauseoftheirreligiousbeliefs….Sowhenyoudie,Imeanthereissupposedlyabetterlife,right?Well,ifyouareanatheistandyoudon’tbelieveinanything,ifyoudiewhatistheretogoto?Nothing.You’rewormdirt.Sofortheirsontodiefornothing,andnowheisnomore—thatisprettyhardtogetyourheadaroundthat.Youknow?SoIdon’tknow,Idon’tknowhowanatheistthinks.Icanonlyimaginethatthatwouldbeprettytough.

FISH:Soyoususpectthatisprobablyareasonthatthisthingisdraggingon?

KAUZLARICH:Ithinkso….

FISH:OK.Whatdoyouthinkwouldmakethefamilyhappy?…

KAUZLARICH:Youknowwhat,Idon’tthinkanythingwillmakethem

happy,quitehonestly.Idon’tknow,maybetheywanttoseesomebody’sheadonaplatter.Butwillthatreallymakethemhappy?No,becausetheycan’tbringtheirsonback.

On May 16, 2007, Representatives Henry Waxman (Democrat) andTom Davis (Republican) of the House Committee on Oversight andGovernment Reform declared, in a letter to Kauzlarich’s commandingofficer,“Webelievethesestatementswerecrass,insultingtotheTillmanfamily,andcompletelyinappropriateforanArmyofficerandanofficialrepresentativeoftheU.S.militaryspeakingtothepress.”Forherpart,DannieTillmantoldWaxmanthatshewas“appalled”by

Lieutenant Colonel Kauzlarich’s comments, which revealed his utterfailuretograspwhytheTillmanfamilywasangry.

InMarch2005,theJonesinvestigationwascompletedandapprovedbyhissuperiors.This15–6wasmuchmorethoroughthantheonedonebyKauzlarich, and if one takes the time to painstakingly study itsbewildering, heavily redacted 2,099 pages, one is rewarded with areasonable understanding of how Tillman was killed, and how theArmy’s bungled response to the fratricide unfolded. But the evidenceburiedamongthepagesofthereportdidnotsupportthemostimportantconclusions ultimately issued by General Jones, leaving the Tillmanfamily more dissatisfied and distrustful than ever. After relentlessproddingfromPat’smother,inAugust2005theDepartmentofDefenseinspectorgeneral’sofficeannouncedthatitwouldconducta“reviewoftheArmy’shandlingoftheTillmanincident.”Seventeenmonthslater,onMarch26,2007,portionsofthisreview—

whichwasauthoredbyThomasF.Gimble,theactinginspectorgeneral—were made public. At one point during Gimble’s investigation, Dr.CraigMallak—thepathologistwhoperformedPat’sautopsy,thechiefoftheArmedForcesmedicalexaminers—wasasked,“Wouldyouhaveanyreasontobelievethatthiswouldbeanythingotherthanafriendlyfire?For instance, do you think that therewouldbe any criminal intent onsomebody’spart?”Withouthesitation,Dr.Mallakreplied,“Sure….Itmakesussuspicious

becauseeverystory,includingthemostcurrent15–6,doesn’tmatchthe

medicalevidence.”OneoftheinconsistenciesthattroubledMallakwasthefactthatthethree.223-caliberroundsthatkilledTillmanstruckhisbrow in an exceedingly tight cluster, less than two inches from oneanother. “I’ve asked everybody in theoffice,”Mallak testified, “if theythoughttheycould[shoot]aclusterthatcloselytogetherofthreeroundsfromanM16—athree-roundburstfrom100yards,from50yards—andeverybodysaidno.”MallakthenofferedahypothesisthatmightexplaintheexceedinglycloseproximityofTillman’swounds:“Ifsomebodysaid,‘Yeah,Ispunaroundandathree-roundburstwentoffonmyM16andIwasabouttenyardsaway,’Iwouldsay,‘OK,thatmakessense.’”Based on this testimony, the journalist Martha Mendoza wrote anarticlefortheAssociatedPresspublishedonJuly27,2007,inwhichshereported thatMallak “said that thebullet holeswere so close togetherthatitappeared[Tillman]wascutdownbyanM-16firedfromamere10yardsorsoaway.”Predictably,Mendoza’sarticleuncorkedatorrentof speculation that Tillman had been deliberately assassinated—speculationthatstillragesamongconspiracytheoriststoday.ButMallakhadassumedthebulletsthatkilledTillmanhadbeenfiredfromanM16(oranM4,averysimilarweapon),becausehewasunawarethatTrevorAldershadbeen firing a SquadAutomaticWeapon—whichhappens tousethesameammunitionastheM16andM4.Unbeknownst to Mallak (and Mendoza), in November 2006, Dr.RobertBuxandDr.VincentDiMaio—forensicpathologistsconsideredtobe among the world’s leading authorities on gunshot wounds—hadcarefully examined Mallak’s autopsy report and photographs andconcluded, “Thepatternof thebullet impacts suggests that the roundswere all part of a single burst from the Squad Automatic Weapon.”Several expert SAW gunners, includingmembers of Tillman’s platoon,haveconfirmedthatitwouldnotbeespeciallydifficultforacompetentSAW gunner to place three rounds within a two-inch-diameter targetfrom a distance of forty or fifty yards, even while shooting from amovingvehicle.AnunfortunateaspectofthehysteriaignitedbyMendoza’sarticlewasthatitobscuredthefactthatGimble’sinvestigationfortheOfficeoftheInspectorGeneralconfirmedmostofthefailingsinJones’s15–6assertedbyDannieTillman.Gimblefound,forexample,that“CorporalTillman’s

chainof commandmade critical errors in reportingCorporalTillman’sdeath and … bears ultimate responsibility for the inaccuracies,misunderstandings, and perceptions of concealment that led to ourreview.”In striking contrast to all three of the Army’s 15–6 investigations,Gimble’s investigating officers (who were civilians not beholden toanyone in theArmychainofcommand) lookedcloselyatMcChrystal’srole in the mishandling of the Tillman fratricide, in particular hisresponsibility for the fraudulent Silver Star recommendation. WhileinterviewingMcChrystal on November 26, 2006, a special agent fromthe Office of the Inspector General demanded of him, “Why did yourecommendtheSilverStaronedayandthenthenextdaysendasecretback-channel message [the P4 memo] warning the country’s leadersaboutusinginformationfromtheSilverStarinpublicspeechesbecausetheymightbeembarrassediftheydo?”McChrystal became angry, complained the agent’s questions weredemeaning, and insisted there was nothing duplicitous about his P4memo. He nevertheless failed to offer a plausible explanation for theglaring contradiction, as the findings of Gimble’s official report toSecretary of the Army Pete Geren made clear: “Lieutenant ColonelBailey, Colonel Nixon, andMajor General McChrystal are accountablefor the inaccurate and misleading assertions contained in the awardrecommendation package…. We also find Major General McChrystalaccountable for not notifying the award processing channels thatfriendly fire was suspected to ensure that the recommendation wasconsideredbasedonaccurateinformation.”Intheconcludingparagraphof his report, Gimble urged Secretary Geren “to consider appropriatecorrectiveaction.”Thechargesspecifiedbytheinspectorgeneralwereserious.Accordingto Punitive Article 107 of the Uniform Code ofMilitary Justice, “Anyperson…who, with intent to deceive, signs any false record, return,regulation,order,orotherofficialdocument,knowingit tobefalse,ormakesanyotherfalseofficialstatementknowingittobefalse,shallbepunishedasacourt-martialmaydirect.”Iffoundguiltyofmakingafalseofficialstatement,Bailey,Nixon,andMcChrystalcouldbedishonorablydischargedandimprisonedforuptofiveyears.

DespitetheoccasionallycensorioustoneofGimble’sreport,however,inmanyregardshis investigationwasasflawedasthosethatprecededit.Hewasmuchtoocredulous,forexample,inacceptingtestimonyfromMcChrystal,Nixon,Bailey,andotherofficersthattheyhadactedingoodfaith. Gimble concluded that Tillman’s chain of commandwas for themost part guilty merely of “perceptions of concealment” rather thandeliberateactsofdeception.Furthermore,Gimblefreelyadmittedthatitnever even occurred to him to investigate the role his boss, DonaldRumsfeld,ortheWhiteHousemayhaveplayedinthecover-up.Perhapsthe greatest deficiency of Gimble’s investigation, however, was that itlacked any real teeth. As inspector general of the Pentagon, he couldmerely recommend “corrective action.” It was left to the Army todeterminewhataction,ifany,toactuallytake.On April 24, the House of Representatives Committee on Oversight

andGovernmentReform,chairedbyHenryWaxman,summonedGimbleto explain the apparent shortcomings of his two-year inquiry at ahearing titled “Misleading Information from the Battlefield.”Representative John Sarbanes of Maryland said to Gimble, “You talkabout how the first investigation [Captain Scott’s 15–6]was deficient.The second investigation [Kauzlarich’s15–6]wasdeficient.Then therewasathirdinvestigation[Jones’s15–6]thatwasdeficient.Therewasafailuretoabidebytheprotocolsthatwouldnormallybetriggeredrightawayintermsofhavingalegalinvestigationintofriendlyfiredeath…,that the Regimental Commander [Colonel Nixon] failed to notify theArmy Safety Center of a suspected friendly fire death as required byArmyregulation.”SarbaneswasthereforepuzzledbyGimble’s“strangecredulity,” pointing out that when Army officers repeatedly violatedproceduresandprotocols,“itmakesithardtobelievethatafteracertainpoint of time this was accidental—that there wasn’t some kind ofpressure;maybenotdirect,butanatmosphereofindirectpressurebeingbroughttobear.”GimbledidnotdisputeSarbanes’sobservation.InadditiontoGimble,JessicaLynch,KevinTillman,DannieTillman,

BryanO’Neal, and SteveWhite testified at the hearing. Lynch recalledhowherfamily’shome“wasundersiegebythemedia,allrepeatingthestoryofthelittlegirlfromWestVirginiawhowentdownfighting.Itwasnot true…. The bottom line is the American people are capable of

determining their own ideals for heroes. They don’t need to be toldelaboratelies….Thetruthofwarisnotalwayseasy.Thetruthisalwaysmoreheroicthanthehype.”WhenitwasKevinTillman’sturntotestify,hespokeabouthisolder

brotheratlength,andwithelectrifyingconviction:

RevealingthatPat’sdeathwasafratricidewouldhavebeenyetanotherpoliticaldisasterduringamonthalreadyswollenwithpoliticaldisasters,andabrutal truth that theAmericanpublicwouldundoubtedlyfindunacceptable.Sothefactsneededtobesuppressed. An alternative narrative needed to beconstructed….OveramonthafterPat’sdeath,whenitbecameclearthatitwouldnolongerbepossibletopulloffthisdeception,afewofthe facts were parceled out to the public and to the family.General Kensinger was ordered to tell the Americanpublic…thatPatdiedoffratricide,butwithacalculatedandnefarioustwist.Hestated,“Therewasnoonespecificfindingoffault,”andthathe“probablydiedoffratricide.”Buttherewasspecific fault, and therewas nothing probable about the factsthatledtoPat’sdeath….AfterthetruthofPat’sdeathwaspartiallyrevealed,Patwasnolongerofuseasasalesasset,andbecamestrictlytheArmy’sproblem. They were now left with the task of briefing ourfamilyandansweringourquestions.Withanyluck,ourfamilywould sink quietly into our grief, and the whole unsavoryepisode would be swept under the rug. However, theymiscalculatedourfamily’sreaction.Through the amazing strength and perseverance of mymother, the most amazing woman on Earth, our family hasmanaged tohavemultiple investigations conducted.However,while each investigation gathered more information, themountainofevidencewasneverusedtoarriveatanhonestorevensensibleconclusion….Thehandlingofthesituationafterthefirefightwasdescribedas a compilation of “missteps, inaccuracies, and errors in

judgment which created the perception of concealment.”…WritingaSilverStarawardbeforeasingleeyewitnessaccountis taken isnotamisstep.Falsifying soldierwitness statementsfor a Silver Star is not a misstep. These are intentionalfalsehoodsthatmeetthelegaldefinitionforfraud.Delivering false information at a nationally televisedmemorial service is not an error in judgment. Discarding aninvestigation [Scott’s 15–6] that does not fit a preordainedconclusionisnotanerrorinjudgment.Thesearedeliberateactsof deceit. This is not the perception of concealment. This isconcealment.Patis,ofcourse,nottheonlysoldierwherebattlefieldrealityhas reached the family and the public in the form of a falsenarrative….Our familyhas relentlesslypursued the truthon thismatterfor three years. We have now concluded that our efforts arebeingactivelythwartedbypowersthataremore…interestedinprotectinganarrativethangettingatthetruthorseeingthatjusticeisserved.ThatiswhyweaskCongress,asasovereignrepresentativeofthe whole people, to exercise its power to investigate theinconsistencies in Pat’s death and the aftermath and all theothersoldiersthatwerebetrayedbythissystem.Theonebit of truth thatdid survive thesemanipulations isthatPatwas,andstillis,agreatman….But the fact that theArmy, andwhat appears to be others,attemptedtohijackhisvirtueandhislegacyissimplyhorrific.The least this country can do for him in return is to uncoverwhoisresponsible forhisdeath,wholiedandwhocovered itup, and who instigated those lies and benefited from them.Thenensurethatjusticeismetedouttotheculpable.Patandtheseothersoldiersvolunteeredtoputtheirlivesonthe line for this country. Anything less than the truth is abetrayal of those values that all soldierswho have fought forthisnationhavesoughttouphold.

Waxman,theoversightcommitteechairman,observed,

The Tillman family wants to know how all of this could havehappened….OneofthethingsthatmaketheAfghanistanandIraqwars so different from previous wars is the glaring disparity ofsacrifice.FortheoverwhelmingnumberofAmericans,thiswarhasbroughtnosacrificeandnoinconvenience,butforasmallnumberof Americans, the war has demanded incredible and constantsacrifice. Those soldiers and their families pay that price proudlyandwithoutcomplaint.ThisiswhatJessicaLynchandPatTillmandid, and it is what their families have done, but our governmentfailed them…. The least we owe to courageous men and womenwhoarefightingforourfreedomisthetruth.

At the end of the hearing,Waxman stated in frustration, “What wehave is a very clear, deliberate abuse intentionally done.Why is it sohardtofindoutwhodidit?”On July 31, 2007, Secretary of the Army Pete Geren held a press

conferenceatthePentagontoanswerthisandotherquestionsaboutthealleged cover-up, and to announce that the Army had taken actionagainst six of the officers found accountable by Inspector GeneralThomas Gimble’s investigation four months earlier. Such action couldhave included demotions, courts-martial, dishonorable discharges,incarceration,and/orlettersofreprimand.ButLieutenantColonelBaileyand Colonel Nixon received nothing more than mild “memoranda ofconcern,” andNixon’smemorandum of concernwasn’t even placed inhis military record. The Army, moreover, took no action of any kindagainstMcChrystal,despitehiscentralroleinthescandal.The only officer who received anything resembling punishment was

LieutenantGeneralPhilipKensingerJr.,whohadretiredfromtheArmyeighteenmonths previously, andwas censured for lying under oath toinvestigators.The Army’s leniency was stunning. It prompted a reporter to ask

Geren, “You’ve described a litany of errors and mistakes going morethan three years involving a lot of people, yet all the blame falls on

General Kensinger….He happens to be retired. Is there a coincidencethere?”Secretary Geren asserted “the buck stops with General Kensinger.”

Brushing aside overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Geren wasadamantthatnobody,includingKensinger,hadengagedinacover-up.Althoughheadmitted therewere “errorsand failuresof leadership,”

Geren maintained there was “no intent to deceive” by anyone in theArmy: “No one has found evidence of a conspiracy by the Army tofabricateahero,deceivethepublicormisleadtheTillmanfamilyaboutthecircumstancesofCorporalTillman’sdeath.”TheperceptionthattheArmyvigorouslymisledboththeTillmansandthepublicforfiveweeks,Gerenassuredtheassembledmedia,resultedfromnothingmorethana“misunderstandingofArmyregulationsandpolicyaboutsecrecy.“Almostincredibly,buttrue,”heinsisted,itwasmerelyacoincidence

that Army personnel falsified documents, withheld information, andviolatedregulations“upanddownthechainofcommand….Therewasno cover-up. There was misinformed action on the part of multiplesoldiers,andyouhadaperfectstormofmistakesbymanysoldiers.”Thiswasanew tack.For threeyears theArmyhadbeen insisting it

misledtheTillmanfamilyinordertoavoidtellingthem“somethingthatwas not true,” as Colonel Nixon put it. Perhaps Geren realized thatNixon’srationalewasrathertooreminiscentoftheinfamousexplanationgiven by an Army major in 1968 in response to questions fromjournalists about why it was necessary to wipe out the VietnamesevillageofBenTreduringtheTetOffensive.“WehadtodestroyBenTre,”explainedtheofficer,“inordertosaveit.”For whatever reason, Geren jettisoned Colonel Nixon’s fatuous

rationale, choosing instead to defend the cover-up with a fresh bit ofcasuistry. Rangers are Special Operations Forces, went Geren’s newreasoning, so Tillman’s platoon was by definition on a covert missionthathadtobekeptsecret.This,despitethefactthatitwassupposedtobe a routine clearing operation that had been piggybacked onto theplatoon’s journeybacktoFOBSalerno:“Hey, let’s just…turnone laststoneandthengetout”ishowMajorHodnedescribedthemissioninhistestimonyduringtheJones15–6investigation.AsHodneexplained,the

onlyreasontheBlackSheepweredispatchedtoManainthefirstplacewastocheckthevillageoffalistsoAlphaCompanycouldproceedtoanewareaofoperations.In Geren’s telling, however, it was an important Spec Ops mission,whichmeantthatitwassupposedtobecovert.AfterTillmanwaskilled,soldiers in theSeventy-fifthRangerRegimentwere thereforeunder theimpression “they were to keep all information close-hold, includingkeeping it from the family until the investigationswere complete andapprovedbyhigherauthority.”Butthisfailstoexplainwhy,iftheRangersbelieveditwascrucialfor“operational security” to keep details of the mission secret, the Armydidn’t keep details about the Silver Star Tillman had been awardedduringthemission“close-hold,”orwhytheNavySEALSteveWhitewasgiven an account of the fatal firefight to read at Tillman’s nationallytelevised memorial service. Such mendacity has damaged the Army’scredibilitybeyondrepairintheeyesoftheTillmanfamily.On August 9, 2007, nine days after Geren addressed the nation,PresidentBushheld apress conference at theWhiteHouse to trumpethis signing of an unrelated bill titled the “American CompetitivenessInitiative.” Afterward, while taking questions from the press, thepresidentwasaskedaboutTillmanbytheCNNcorrespondentEdHenry:

HENRY:Youspeakoftenabouttakingcareofthetroopsandhonoringtheirsacrifice.ButthefamilyofCorporalPatTillmanbelievestherewasacoverupregardinghisdeath,andsomesayperhapshewasevenmurdered,insteadofjustfriendlyfire.AtahearinglastweekonCapitolHillyourformerDefenseSecretary,DonaldRumsfeld,andotherofficialsusedsomeversionof“Idon’trecall”82times.Whenitwashisturntostepup,PatTillmangaveupalucrativeNFLcareer,servedhiscountryandpaidtheultimatesacrifice.Nowyouhaveachancetopledgetothefamilythatyourgovernment,youradministrationwillfinallygettothebottomofit.Canyoumakethatpledgetothefamilytoday,thatyou’llfinally,afterseveninvestigations,findoutwhatreallyhappened?

BUSH:Well,firstofall,IcanunderstandwhyPatTillman’sfamily,youknow,hasgotsignificantemotions,becauseamantheylovedand

respectedwaskilledwhilehewasservinghiscountry.IalwaysadmiredthefactthatapersonwhowasrelativelycomfortableinlifewouldbewillingtotakeoffoneuniformandputonanothertodefendAmerica.Andthebestwaytohonorthatcommitmentofhisistofindoutthetruth.AndI’mconfidenttheDefenseDepartmentwantstofindoutthetruth,too,andwe’lllayitoutfortheTillmanfamilytoknow.

HENRY:But,Mr.President,therehavebeenseveninvestigationsandthePentagonhasnotgottentothebottomofit.Canyoualsotelluswhenyou,personally,foundoutthatitwasnotenemyfire,thatitwasfriendlyfire?

BUSH:Ican’tgiveyoutheprecisemoment.ButobviouslytheminuteIheardthatthefactsthatpeoplebelievedweretruewerenottrue,thatIexpecttheretobeafullinvestigationandgettothebottomofit.

Thepresidentneglectedtomentionthatthreemonthsearlier,aspartoftheinvestigationlaunchedbyCongresstofinallyanddefinitively“getto the bottom of it,” RepresentativeWaxman had sent a letter to theWhiteHouse formally requesting “alldocuments receivedorgeneratedby any official in the Executive Office of the President, including theCommunications Office and Office of Speechwriting … that relate toCorporal Tillman,” and sent a similar request to the Department ofDefense.TherecipientsrespondedbysendingWaxmanmorethanthirtythousandpagesofmaterial,mostofwhichwerenothingmorethanpressclippings about Tillman. E-mails, memos, and other documents thatmighthaveshedlightonthecover-upwereconspicuouslywithheld.AsEmmetT.Flood, special counsel to thepresident, explained, “Wehavenotproduced certaindocuments responsive to theCommittee’s requestbecause they implicate Executive Branch confidentiality interests.”DespitepraisingTillman’spatriotismandcourageateveryopportunity,theWhiteHouseinfactusedeverymeansatitsdisposaltoobstructthecongressionalinvestigationintoTillman’sdeathanditsaftermath.InareportissuedinJuly2008,Waxman’soversightcommitteenoted,“The White House was intensely interested in the first reports ofTillman’s death,” sending or receiving some two hundred e-mails

concerningTillmanonthedayfollowingthetragedy.ButaftertheArmybelatedly revealed to the American public that he was the victim offratricide, “the White House could not produce a single e-mail ordocument relating toanydiscussionaboutCorporalTillman’sdeathbyfriendly fire…. [T]he intense interest that initially characterized theWhiteHouse’sandDefenseDepartment’sreactiontoCorporalTillman’sdeath was followed by a stunning lack of curiosity about emergingreports of fratricide and an incomprehensible carelessness andincompetenceinhandlingthissensitiveinformation.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-FIVE

OnApril25,2004,threedaysafterTillman’spassing,theBlackSheepofSecond Platoon assembled at FOB Salerno to debrief and decompress.The meeting was led by a chaplain, an Army captain named JeffStruecker, who was famous in the Ranger Regiment and beyond forsurvivingthedisastrous1993firefightinMogadishu,Somalia,describedinthebest-sellingbookBlackHawkDown,byMarkBowden.Anumberof the Rangers were distraught over Tillman’s death, and looked toStrueckerforguidance.“Speaking fromhisexperience inSomalia,ChaplainStruecker said it

really helped him to talk about what happened over there, instead ofcarrying it around inside,” saysMelWard, remembering thatmeeting.“I’mnotreligiousinanyway,butPatwasapersonalfriend,andtohavetopackagehimandhandlehisbodylikewedid…Ididn’tknowwhatthe long-term effects of thatwould be. You see these old guys on theHistoryChanneltalkingaboutbeinginWorldWarTwo.Aguywillstillbebawlingoversomefriendthatdiedsixtyyearsearlier.Idon’twanttobe that guy. So I talked about what happened, my little piece of it.Othersdid,too.”Ward didn’t judge any of the other soldiers, even the shooters—not

initially.Butthenheheardthatsomeofthemmayhavegottentogetherandchangedtheirstoriesbetweenthefirstinvestigationandthesecond.“Iwouldnotordinarilypointfingersatanyoneontheground,”hesays.“Friendly firehappens.But if someonehas liedorchanged their story,theycanfuckinghang.Idon’tcarewhotheyare.Ifyouaregoingtolieand cover up what happened to someone who gave their life, whobelievedsofirmlyintheimportanceofcomingoverherethathelefthiswife without a husband—then you deserve to fucking swing. When Istarted hearing about the false award recommendations, spinning thefacts,changingtheirstories—Iwassopissed.ThedishonortheArmyisdoing toPat’s familyby the things thathave led to this fuckingmedia

frenzy,it’sunforgivable.”After Pat’s death, Ward decided not to reenlist when his Rangercontract was up. Although being a noncommissioned officer in theSpecialOperationsForces,hesays,“issomethingI’mnaturallygoodat,”theaftermathof theTillmanfratricide lefthimterminallydisillusionedwiththeArmyleadership.“Fromthemomentyoufirst jointheRangerBattalion,”Wardexplains,

it’s ingrained in you that youwill always do the right thing.They’re not like, “Please do the right thing.” It’s “We willfucking crush you if you don’t do the right thing.” You willadheretoeverystandard.Youwillalwaystellthetruth.Ifyoufuckuponce,you’reoutonyourass.Thenyouseesomethinglike what they’re doing to Pat—what officers in the RangerRegimentaredoing—andyoustopbeingsonaive.Theonlytwotimes where I personally was in a position to see where theArmyhadthechoicetodotherightthingorthewrongthing,bothtimestheychosetodothewrongthing.Oneofthosetimeswas what they did to Pat. It mademe realize that the ArmydoeswhatsuitstheArmy.That’swhyIwon’tputthatuniformbackon.I’mdone.IfIhadbeenkilledthatday,andithadnotsuitedtheArmyto disclose to my wife the manner in which I died, nobodywould ever know what really happened because I’m notfamous.I’mnotPat.Itwouldn’thavebeenanewsstory.Fortherestofher life,mywifewouldthinkIwaskilledbywhateverbullshit story they decided to make up. They’d write up acoupleofmedalsliketheydidforhim,andthatwouldbeit.Ithinkmywifewoulddeservetoknowthetruthabouthowherhusbanddied.AndIthinkPat’swifedeservesthesame.

TheenormityofDannieTillman’s lossdroveher toembarkuponwhathas proven to be a Sisyphean effort to pry truth and justice from theArmyandtheU.S.government.Pat’sdeathprovokedadifferentkindofreactioninMarieTillman.

“I didn’t feel like I could focus on the investigation andmaintainmysanity,”Marieexplained inSeptember2006,stilltrying to copewithPat’s death twoand ahalf years after hispassing.Iwouldreadthroughthedocuments,picturePatbeingshot,and it hauntedme. I couldn’t detach this person that I lovedfrom the horrific details in the documents, and I couldn’tfunctioninthatstateofmind.IhadalotofguiltatfirstthatIwasn’tabletofocusonfightingthemilitary,butIalsorealizedthatifIwentdownthatpath,I’mnotsureIcouldhavekeptittogether.WhenPatdied,Ishutdowninalotofways—Ilivedinaprettydark,quietplaceforyearsandstruggled….I have an enormous amount of respect forDannie andhowshe has handled everything. Trying to get answers from themilitary is like banging your head against a wall, and shecarriedthatburdenforallofus.Iwasn’tabletodoit,butI’mgratefulforherstrength,andwhatshehasdonetouncoverthetruthandholdpeopleaccountable.ToknowPatandknowhowhelivedhislife,andthentoseehowhisdeathwastreatedbythemilitary andgovernment is heartbreaking—it goes againsteverythinghestoodfor.

InMay2004,aweekafter thememorial service forPat inSanJose,MariereturnedtoherrentedhomeoverlookingPugetSound.“IgotbacktotownonaMondayorTuesday,”sheremembers.

I wasn’t supposed to return to the office until the followingweek,butIwasjustsittingaroundthehouse.SoIwentbacktowork.Probably for the first couple of months that I was back, Iwould sit at my desk and look out the window all day. Thecompany Iworked forwas really understanding. They letmecomeinandjustsitthere.IhadnoideawhatIwassupposedtodonext.ThelifeI’dhadwasbasicallygone.SoeverymorningIwouldgetupatquartertofive,getinthecar,gouptoSeattle,andlookoutthewindow.I’dgethomeatsevenatnight,siton

thecouchforanhour,talktoKevin,andgotobed.Thatwasit.AndIdidthatformonthsandmonthsandmonthsandmonths.KevindecidedhewasgoingtostayintheArmyandfinishhis

commitment.Insomewaysthatmadethingseasierforme,andIdecidedtostaytherewithhim.ItgavemesometimebeforeIneededtomakeanydecisionsaboutwheretogo.

Kevin fulfilled his contract with the Army in July 2005. “By thattime,”saysMarie,“IknewIneededtoleave.Iwaslike,‘IfIdon’tleavenow, I’llnever leave.’That’swhat I felt—that I’d justkeepdoingwhatI’d been doing. The housewas exactly like itwas the day Pat left forAfghanistan.Rightafterhedied,itwascomfortingtobethere.Andthenitgot toapointwhere itmademereallysadtobethere.Therewasalayerofdusteverywhere,and…”Shepausestocollectherself.“Anditwasjustreallysad….SoIpackedupeverythingandcamehere.”“Here” is New York City, where Marie found a job and a small

apartmentonManhattan’sUpperEastSide.“ItwasgreatthatKevinandIhadeachotherforsupportthatfirstyear,”shesays.“ButthenIneededto get away. Not from him—I just felt the need to get away fromeverything.Thatwaspartofmyreasonformovinghere….Thecitycanbeagooddistraction.“Everybody deals with grief in differentways,”Marie points out. “I

kindof retreat. I justneedmyownspace….Sometimes it’sgoodtobearoundthepeoplewhocaredabouthimandknewhim.Butsometimesit’stoomuch.IjustknewthatIhadtodealwiththingsinmyownway.”Onmore thanoneoccasion, peoplehave askedMarie if sheharbors

anyangertowardPatforenlistinginthemilitaryandgoingofftowar.“Iwasnevermadathimforthat,”shesays.“Youlovesomeoneforwhotheyare;Ican’treallybeangrywithhimforenlisting,becauseneedingtodothatwaspartofwhohewas.”Furthermore,sheexplains,“WhenPatjoinedtheArmy,itmademetougher.Definitely.HadhenotjoinedtheArmy,ofcourse,he’dstillbealive;butitalsomademeabletodealwithhisdeath.BecauseofthewayPatwas,Idiscoveredalotofthingsaboutmyself.“There is something about Pat that affected almost everybody who

was close to him. It’smademewant to continue living in away that

honorshim.IwanthimtobeproudofthewayIlivemylifeandhandlethings….I’lladmitit:It’shard.It’shard tokeepgoing,but I know that forme to just giveup, thatwouldpisshimoff.”Mariedecided“thebestwaytohonorourrelationshipandthelifePatand I had together is to not get swallowed in the grief and anger andothernegativeemotions,whicharedefinitelythere,andcantakeoverifyouletthem.”Towardthatend,shortlyafterPatwaskilled,Marie,AlexGarwood, Réka Cseresnyés, Benjamin Hill, Kevin Tillman, and JaredSchrieberestablishedthePatTillmanFoundation,*theaimofwhichwasto carry Pat’s legacy forward by motivating young people to betterthemselvesandtheircommunities.Marieagreedtobechairmanof theboard of directors, a position that has evolved over the ensuing yearsintoademandingfull-timejobthankstotheorganization’srapidgrowth.To achieve its goals, the foundation endowed a two-semestercurriculumatArizonaStateUniversity’sW.P.CarySchoolofBusiness.CalledtheLeadershipThroughActionprogram,itisdistinguishedfromleadership programs at other universities, saysMarie, “by its focus onaction—whichofcoursewaswhatPatwasallabout.Hedidn’tjusttalk;heactedonhisbeliefsandtriedtohavearealimpactonthethingsheconsidered to be important.” Between fifteen and twenty “TillmanScholars”areacceptedintotheprogrameachyear,andcurrentlyMarieis spearheading an effort to expand it to other academic institutionsaroundthenation.To raise funds, the Pat Tillman Foundation holds a pair of 4.2-milerunningeventseachAprilinTempeandSanJose;thedistanceisbasedonthenumberPatworeonhisjerseywhenheplayedfootballforASU:42.In2008,some15,500runnersandwalkersparticipatedinPat’sRunTempe, and 6,000 in Pat’s Run San Jose. “The number of peoplewhocomeouthasbeengrowingeveryyear,”Mariesays.“It’samazing.”The foundation has received hundreds of letters and e-mailsrecounting how ordinary folks were inspired by Pat’s example toundertakeextraordinarychallenges.AlthoughsuchtangibleevidenceofPat’simpactontheworldhasbeenasolacetoMarie,sheconcedesthathis death in April 2004 has left a void of such immensity that it’s

probably impossible for other people to even imagine the pall it stillcasts.“Itleftaholeinmylifethat’shuge,”shesays.At some point, Marie predicts, “The sadness will run its course.” A

momentlater,withstoiccertainty,sheadds,“Butit’snevergoingtogoaway.”

*www.pattillmanfoundation.org.

PARTFIVE

“…Butyou,Achilles,there’snotamanintheworldmoreblestthanyou—thereneverhasbeen,neverwillbeone.Timewas,whenyouwerealive,weArgiveshonoredyouasagod,andnowdownhere,Isee,youlorditoverthedeadinallyourpower.Sogrievenomoreatdying,greatAchilles.”Ireassuredtheghost,buthebrokeout,protesting,

“Nowinningwordsaboutdeathtome,shiningOdysseus!Bygod,I’dratherslaveonearthforanotherman—somedirt-poortenantfarmerwhoscrapestokeepalive—thanruledownhereoverallthebreathlessdead….”

—HOMER,TheOdyssey

POSTSCRIPT

January5,2007.Twelvemiles southof thehillsidewherePatTillmanlost his life, a dozen sandbag bunkers squat atop an outcrop of nakedbedrockwreathed in smoke fromsmolderinggarbage.Patchesofdirty,crusted snow scab the ground. The stench of an overflowing latrinehangs in the air. In the distance, badlands corrugate the landscapewithout apparent end, their slopes dottedwith pines and junipers andthorny,stuntedoaks.Thisbleakoutpost,surroundedbytanglesofrazorwire,isoccupiedby

a platoon of American infantrymen augmented by approximately fortyAfghanNationalArmytroops.DesignatedObservationPostFour—OP4,forshort—it’sthenorthernmostoffourhilltopencampmentsestablishedaroundtheperimeterofForwardOperatingBaseTillmantopreventthelatterfrombeingoverrunbyenemyforces.SituatedhalfamilefromtheAfghanistan-Pakistan border, the so-called Zero Line, OP4 provides abird’s-eyeviewofarouteusedbyal-QaedaandtheTalibantoinfiltrateAfghanistan from havens in North Waziristan—one of Pakistan’sFederally Administered Tribal Areas. Although nominally governed byPakistan, in reality the Tribal Areas function as autonomous statesbeyond the control of Islamabad. Launching their assaults fromNorthWaziristan, fighters under the command of Jalaluddin Haqqani attackFOB Tillman or its observation posts every three or four days, onaverage.ThemajorityoftheseattacksoriginatefromthevicinityofaPakistan

ArmyfirebasedubbedtheGrayCastlebytheAmericantroopsbecauseofits crenellated concretewalls. Perched atop a butte directly across theborder from OP4, the Gray Castle is so close to the Americanencampment that Pakistani soldiers are visible with the naked eye astheystandguardontheparapets.Lastnight,OP4washitbyabarrageofTalibanrocketsfiredfromthevicinityoftheGrayCastle,promptingthecommanding officer of FOB Tillman to request a meeting with his

Pakistanicounterpartinordertoavertsuchattacksinthefuture.The two officers, each accompanied by a large contingent ofsubordinates and security forces, grimly face each other across theborder on the morning following the incident, buffeted by a frigidbreeze. Major Umar, commander of Pakistan’s Thirty-ninth FrontierCorps,isatrim,dappermanwearinganimmaculatelypresseduniformand kid-leather driving gloves. He begins the dialogue by adamantlydenying that the rocket attack originated in Pakistan. When the U.S.Army captain Scott Horrigan—dressed in battle-worn camouflage andscuffed combat boots—replies that azimuth analysis of the fresh blastcratersatOP4leavesnodoubtthattherocketshadbeenlaunchedfromhighgroundjustnorthoftheGrayCastle,Umargrowsindignant.“Youmayclaimthat theattackscomefromPakistan,”hedeclares inperfectKing’s English, “but I had ten patrols in the area last night, and theydidn’thearanything,didn’t seeanything.Wewill lookatyour claims,but no, I don’t think any of these attacks are coming from Pakistanterritory.AndifIcanbesoboldtosayit,Idon’tthinktheenemy,themiscreants,have the courage tousemyarea to fireuponAmericanorAfghanpositions.Iwillnotallowthat….Ifanymiscreantsdaretocomeintothisarea,Iwillpersonallydealwiththemmyself.”DespiteUmar’sassurances,apreponderanceofevidencegatheredbyAmerican intelligence operatives indicates that the Pakistani FrontierCorps has been extensively infiltrated by the Taliban throughout theTribal Areas, and that Pakistani forces have cooperated both passivelyand actively in numerous attacks on American and NATO troops—notwithstanding the fact that Pakistan is a putative ally of theUnitedStates and that Islamabad has received more than $17 billion fromWashington since September 2001 to fight al-Qaeda and the Taliban.Twonightsafter thepowwowbetweenUmarandHorrigan,OP4 ishitwithninemoreenemyrockets;duringthefirstthreeweeksofJanuary,the FOB is attacked a total of six times by enemy forces based inPakistan.On January27, the frustratedAmericans hold anothermeetingwithPakistani military officers, on this occasion taking the highly unusualstepofinvitingthemtotouraradarinstallationatFOBTillman,duringwhich the Pakistanis are shown classified data gathered from Q-36

antibattery radar that pinpoints the precise locations within Pakistanfromwhich recent rocket barrages were launched. Afterward, CaptainDennis Knowles expresses doubt that this new evidence will persuadethe Pakistanis to do anything to curtail the attacks. “I’ll bet you fivebucks,”hepredicts,notbotheringtomaskhisirritation,“thatOP4ishitagaintonight.”At6:15thatevening,anhourafterdark,anAfghansoldierseesalightflickeronahillsideacrossfromOP4andpopsoffafewAK-47roundsatthe incandescent pinprick, whereupon an estimated fifty to sixtyHaqqani fighters immediately return fire from positions to the west,north,andeast.Forthenextfifteenminutes,asquallofbullets,rocket-propelled grenades, mortar rounds, 107-millimeter rockets, and 105-millimeterHowitzer shells shreds theairoverOP4withoutpause, andtheshootingcontinuesatalesserrateforanotherhourbeforethemulti-pronged attack is repelled and the insurgents retreat back to theirhideouts inPakistan.AyoungprivatenamedHarker is shot in the leftthigh,requiringaBlackHawkhelicoptertoswoopdownunderfireandmedevachimtoBagram.Bythetimethebattlesputterstoanend,morethan thirteen thousand rounds have been fired at the enemy, killingthreeTalibanandreportedlywoundingtenmore.

In April 2004, Pat Tillman was deployed to Afghanistan as part of acampaign to subdue the forces of JalaluddinHaqqani and bringKhostProvinceundercontrolofPresidentHamidKarzai’sgovernment.DuringthehalfadecadesinceTillmanperishedinthateffort,neitherofthoseaims has been achieved—the Taliban/al-Qaeda presence in Khost andadjacentPaktikaProvinceisstrongernowthanithasbeenatanytimesince the first months of the U.S. invasion in 2001–2002. VillagersthroughouttheareadefiantlyflythewhiteflagoftheTalibanfromtheirhomes.LessthanamilefromtheeasternendofTillmanPass(thenameU.S. soldiers spontaneously bestowed upon the canyonwhere Pat waskilled), a loudspeaker at a bustling madrassa blares anti-Americanmessages into the surrounding community while young boys areinstructedintheprinciplesofjihadwithintheschool’swalls.Asthesewordsarebeingwritteninearly2010,Speraisclassifiedas

“denied territory” by theU.S.Army—meaning it’s denied toAmericanandNATO forces,not theenemy’s.Thedistrict is firmly in thegripoftheHaqqaniNetwork,whichhasmaintainedclosetiestoal-QaedaeversincebinLadenandHaqqanidevelopeda strongpersonalbondduringthe Soviet-Afghan War. Haqqani’s fighters have adopted increasinglyvicious means of achieving their ends, including massive suicidebombings, assassinations of local officials and teachers, and theindiscriminate beheading of villagers. Although Jalaluddin is still thenominal head of the Haqqani organization, leadership of day-to-dayoperations has been passed to his son, Sirajuddin Haqqani, known asSiraj. According to the Army lieutenant colonel Dave Anders, “Siraj isthe one dictating the new parameters of brutality associated withTaliban senior leadership.” The Army is offering a five-million-dollarrewardforinformationleadingtoSiraj’scaptureorelimination.Therevivalof theTaliban/al-Qaedainsurgencyisn’t limitedtoKhost

and Paktika provinces; the entire nation has spiraled deeper intoviolence and chaos. Afghanistan presently supplies 95 percent of theopium used in the global heroin trade, and narcotics productionaccounts for half of the country’s gross domestic product. The Talibantakes a significant percentage of this drugmoney,which is one of theinsurgents’ primary sources of revenue, andmuch of the rest flows tohigh-rankingmembers of theKarzai administration, furtherdebasing agovernmentthatwaspermeatedwithcorruptionevenbeforetheTalibanrenaissance.HavingsquanderedmostofthecredibilityheoncehadwiththeAfghanpeople,Karzaiispresentlyteeteringonthebrink,alongwithhis government. On April 27, 2008, a cadre of Haqqani insurgentscarried out an audacious, elaborately planned attempt to assassinateKarzaiduring theAfghanNationalDaymilitaryparade in theheartofKabul. Although the president escaped injury, four otherswere killed,including amember of parliamentwhowas sitting near Karzai in thereviewingstands.Talibanandal-QaedaforcesnowmovefreelythroughoutthePashtun

regions on both sides of the Afghanistan-Pakistan frontier, andOsamabin Laden—still on the loose—is believed by most of the U.S.intelligence community to be securely ensconced on Pakistan’s side ofthe Zero Line. Attacks on U.S. and NATO forces in Afghanistan have

increased precipitously in each of the past four years. Insurgents haveestablished hundreds of new bases and training camps in Pakistan’sTribalAreas.SethG.Jones,theauthorofahighlyregardedstudyfortheRAND National Defense Research Institute titled Counterinsurgency inAfghanistan,warnedinJune2008,“TheUnitedStatesfacesathreatfromAlQaeda today that is comparable towhat it faced on September 11,2001.”There is broad agreement across the political spectrum that thealarmingexpansionoftheAfghaninsurgencyoccurredbecausetheBushadministration’s preoccupation with Iraq led to a strategy dubbed“economyofforce”(aeuphemismfor“waronthecheap”)whenitcameto Afghanistan. But the mounting troubles on the latter front areattributable to much more than ill-conceived policies. The greatestthreats to peace and stability in Afghanistan are now firmly rootedoutside its borders, in Pakistan,where the Taliban and al-Qaeda havefoundsafehavensinceearly2002.Owing to theconvoluted, fractious,and exceedingly volatile nature of Pakistani politics, subduing theinsurgent forces running amokwithin Pakistan presents a quandary ofsuch apparently intractable complexity that it’s unclear howAmericandiplomats and military leaders might even begin to grapple with theproblem,letaloneengineeraremedy.Chaos,inthemeantime,sweepsacrossbothPakistanandAfghanistan,andtheblood-dimmedtideis loosed.OnJuly7,2008,duringmorningrushhourinKabul,theAfghancapital,ajihadidetonatedapowerfulcarbomb outside the Indian embassy, killing more than fifty people,includingtheIndiandefenseattaché,althoughmostofthevictimswereordinaryAfghancitizenswho’dbeenstandingin linetoapplyforvisasfor travel to India.American intelligence agencies determined that thesuicidebomberwhocarriedouttheattackwasaHaqqanioperative.Additionally, the New York Times reported that the ISI—Pakistan’spowerfulnationalspyservice—hadplayedanactiveroleinplanningtheembassy bombing, and that “the highest levels of Pakistan’s securityapparatus”—including the leader of Pakistan’s army, General AshfaqParvezKayani—knewaboutsuchplansbeforetheattackwascarriedoutbut did nothing to intercede. This alarming revelation confirmedcomplaints about the ISI’s cozy relationshipwith theTaliban thatU.S.

soldiersonthefrontlinesinAfghanistanhadbeenexpressingprivatelyforyears.AccordingtotheTimes,proofofISIinvolvement

was based on intercepted communications between Pakistaniintelligence officers andmilitants who carried out the attack,the officials said, providing the clearest evidence to date thatPakistani intelligence officers are actively underminingAmerican efforts to combat militants in the region. TheAmericanofficialsalsosaidtherewasnewinformationshowingthat members of the Pakistani intelligence service wereincreasingly providing militants with details about theAmerican campaign against them, in some cases allowingmilitants to avoidAmericanmissile strikes inPakistan’s tribalareas.

Within the ranks of the Pakistani military and intelligence services,supportfortheTalibanisnotuniversal.SomeunitsoftheFrontierCorpshave battled Haqqani’s forces with courage and resolve. Indeed,morethan three thousand Pakistani soldiers and police officers have beenkilled fighting insurgents in theTribalAreas, four times thenumberofAmericans who have died in Afghanistan. But even as some Pakistanisoldiersarelosingtheir livesinacampaignagainsttheTalibanandal-Qaeda,otherPakistanimilitaryunits,aswellaspowerfulfactionswithinthe ISI, are providing insurgents with money, weapons, and secretintelligencegiventoPakistanbytheCIAandtheAmericanmilitary.Indozens of documented instances, units of the Pakistani Frontier CorpshaveshotatAmericanforcesacrosstheinternationalborder.Among the insurgent groups supportedby the ISI, nonehas enjoyed

thefruitsofsuchbackingmorethantheHaqqaniNetwork,which isn’tsurprisinggiventhatJalaluddinHaqqaniandtheISIhavemaintainedanintimate,mutuallybeneficialrelationshipthatgoesbackthreedecades.Presently that relationship isdefinedbya tacitagreementbetween theHaqqanisandtheISI:iftheHaqqanisrestricttheirattackstoAmerican,Afghan,andNATOtargets,andrefrainfromattackingPakistanitroops,PakistanwillrefrainfrominterferingwiththeHaqqaniNetwork.Theembassybombing inKabulwas justoneofmanyrecentassaults

occasionedbythepactbetweentheHaqqanisandtheISI.OnDecember30, 2009, a Jordanian doctorworking as a double agent for al-Qaedadetonatedanuncommonly sophisticatedexplosivevest at a covertCIAbase in Khost known as Camp Chapman. It was the deadliest strikeagainsttheCIAinmorethanaquartercentury,killingsevenAmericanofficers,includingthechiefofthebase,aforty-five-year-oldwomanwhowasoneoftheCIA’sleadingal-Qaedaexperts.Thesuicidebomberhadbeen invited inside the ultrasecure compound, which is less than twomiles fromFOB Salerno, after convincing theCIA that he had “urgentinformation” that would lead them directly to Ayman al-Zawahiri,OsamabinLaden’smost influential collaborator. “There isnoway thisoperation would have occurred in Khost without the knowledge andactive support of Jalaluddin [Haqqani] and/or his son,” MichaelScheuer,theformerheadoftheCIA’sbinLadenunit,toldtheAssociatedPress.“Theyandtheirorganizationownthearea…andnothingoccursthatwould impact their tribeor itsallieswithout theirknowledgeandOK.Bothmen,moreover,wouldbedelightedtohelpbinLadeninanywaytheycan.”The Pakistani ISI continues to assist Haqqani and other Islamist

insurgentsforthesamereasontheAmericanCIAoncedid:becausethejihadis function as a proxy armywilling to bear arms against amortalenemyinpossessionofanucleararsenalwithwhomthegovernmentinIslamabaddaresnotwagewaropenly.InPakistan’scase,thatenemyisIndia(assistedbyitscloseallyAfghanistan),whichIslamabadconsidersatleastasgreatathreattoitssecurityastheUnitedStatesviewedtheSovietUnionduringtheColdWar.AslongasPakistanfeelsimperiledbyIndia, it is unlikely to mount an effective campaign to eradicate theHaqqaniNetwork,al-Qaeda,and theTaliban from itsTribalAreas—anundertakingthatwouldposestaggeringchallengesandtremendousrisksforthecurrentgovernmentinIslamabad,whichiswidelyacknowledgedtobecorruptandincompetent,andhasonlyatenuousholdonthereinsofpower.By staginghit-and-run attacks on targets inAfghanistan from camps

acrosstheZeroLineinPakistan,theHaqqaniclanandits ilkareusingpreciselythesamestrategyagainsttheUnitedStatesthattheyemployedtwentyyearsagotodefeattheSovietsatthebehestoftheUnitedStates.

Andinthelongrun,theinsurgentsmayemergejustasvictoriousastheydidin1989,becauseuntilPakistanceasestogivethemsanctuary,itwillbeimpossiblefortheUnitedStatesanditsalliestodefeatal-QaedaandtheTalibanbymilitaryforce,regardlessofhowmanysoldierstheUnitedStatesdeploys toAfghanistan—justas itwas impossible for theSovietsto defeat the mujahideen despite the overwhelming superiority of theSovietArmy.If staying in Afghanistan is looking more and more like a no-winprospectfortheUnitedStates,so,too,doespullingout.Bothoptionsarefraught with uncertainty, although the strife in South Asia is soincendiary, and so thoroughly entangled with American securityinterests,thatAmericansoldiersareapttobeengagedinAfghanistanforyears to come, if notdecades.And if recent events are any indication,AmericansarelikelytobefightinganddyinginPakistanaswell.In July 2008, President Bush issued secret orders for U.S. SpecialOperations Forces to begin carrying out unilateral ground attacks inPakistani territory without prior approval from Islamabad, marking adrastic shift in American policy and unleashing an outpouring offerocious anti-American sentiment throughout Pakistan. The rationaleforthenewstrategywasself-evident(thePakistanisseemedunwillingtoand/orincapableoferadicatingenemysanctuariesfromtheirterritory),but itwasaveryperilousgamble.CovertAmericanaction thirtyyearsago in this same corner of theworld (which seemed then like such agood idea) is still yielding cataclysmic repercussions that wereimpossible to imagine at the time. Whatever near-term tacticaladvantageisgainedbysendingAmericansoldiersovertheZeroLinetofight al-Qaeda and the Taliban, it would be naive to presume suchactionswon’thaveunforeseenconsequencesthirtyyearshence,someofwhichmayprovetobenolesscataclysmic.Blowback,theCIAcallsit.AsBruceRiedelwarnedinanarticletitled“PakistanandTerror:TheEyeoftheStorm,”

Pakistanisthemostdangerouscountryintheworldtoday.Allof thenightmaresof the twenty-firstcenturycometogether inPakistan: nuclear proliferation, drug smuggling, militarydictatorship, and above all, international terrorism. Pakistan

almostuniquelyisbothamajorvictimofterrorismandamajorsponsor of terrorism. It has been the scene of horrific acts ofterrorist violence, including the murder of Benazir Bhutto inlate 2007, and it has been one of the most prolific statesponsors of terror aimed at advancing its national securityinterests.ForthenextAmericanpresident,thereisnoissueorcountrymorecriticaltogetright….

In his 1992 best seller, The End of History and the Last Man, FrancisFukuyamapredicted that the inexorable spreadofcapitalistdemocracy“wouldmeantheendofwarsandbloodyrevolutions.Agreeingonends,menwouldhavenolargecausesforwhichtofight.Theywouldsatisfytheirneedsthrougheconomicactivity,buttheywouldnolongerhavetorisktheirlivesinbattle.”Fukuyamaacknowledgedthatthisrosyfuturewould come with a slight downside, however: the emasculation ofhumankind. World peace would spawn “the creature who reportedlyemergesattheendofhistory,thelastman.”“The lastman”wasaderisive termcoinedbyFriedrichNietzsche inhis overstuffed masterwork, Thus Spoke Zarathustra. In Nietzsche’sestimation, according to Fukuyama, modern liberal democraciesproducedmen

composed entirelyofdesire and reason, clever at findingnewwaystosatisfyahostofpettywantsthroughthecalculationoflong-term self-interest…. It is not an accident that people indemocratic societies are preoccupied with material gain andlive in an economic world devoted to the satisfaction of themyriadsmallneedsof thebody….The lastmanat theendofhistoryknowsbetterthantoriskhislifeforacause,becauseherecognizes that history was full of pointless battles in whichmen foughtoverwhether theyshouldbeChristianorMuslim,Protestant or Catholic, German or French. The loyalties thatdrove men to desperate acts of courage and sacrifice wereprovenby subsequenthistory tobe sillyprejudices.Menwithmoderneducationswerecontenttositathome,congratulatingthemselvesontheirbroadmindednessandlackoffanaticism.

Mocking these contemptible “last men,” Nietzsche’s Zarathustrafamously declares, “Thus you stick out your chests—but alas, they arehollow!” Which prompted Fukuyama to label such milquetoasts “menwithoutchests.”Given the current state of turmoil in South Asia, Africa, and the

Caucasus,theonsetofinternationalpeaceprophesiedbyFukuyamadoesnot seem imminent. But his forecast about the ascendancy of theAmericanwimpremainsdisturbinglyaccurate,accordingtothehistorianLeeHarris.InapolemictitledTheSuicideofReason,Harrisargues,

TheproblemisnotthatFukuyamaisdeadwrong;theproblemisthatheishalfright.Unfortunatelyforus,thewronghalf.IntheWest,weareperilouslygettingdowntoourlastman.Liberal democracy, among us, is achieving the goal thatFukuyama predicted for it: It is eliminating the alpha malesfrom our midst, and at a dizzyingly accelerating rate. But inMuslim societies, the alphamale is still alive andwell.Whilewe in America are drugging our alpha boys with Ritalin, theMuslimsaredoingeverythingintheirpowertoencouragetheiralpha boys to be tough, aggressive, and ruthless…. We areproudifoursonsgetintoagoodcollege;theyareproudiftheirsonsdieasmartyrs.To rid your society of high-testosterone alpha males maybring peace and quiet; but if you have an enemy that isbuildingupanarmyofalphaboystohateyoufanaticallyandwho have vowed to destroy you, you will be committingsuicide….TheendoftestosteroneintheWestalonewillnotculminatein theendofhistory,but itmaywell culminate in theendoftheWest.

Harris’sdireconjecturecertainlygrabsone’sattention,butitseemsatleastasfaroffthemarkasFukuyama’s.AnyonewhohasspenttimewithAmerican troops in Afghanistan or Iraq is bound to take issue withHarris’s contention that the current generationof youngmen raised intheWestsuffersfromadeficitoftestosterone.

In truth, our society produces all manner of males, in proportionsroughly comparable to those in Muslim (and other) societies:compassionateandcruel; leadersandfollowers;brainiacsandfuckwits;heroes and cowards; selfless exemplars and narcissistic pretenders.PatrioticzealrunsstrongintheUnitedStates,andyoungAmericansarenolesssusceptibletotheallureofmartialadventurethanyoungmalesfrom other cultures, including fanatical tribal cultures. Decades fromnow,when thepresidentof theUnitedStatesdeclaresyetanotherwaron some national adversary, a greatmanymen (andmore than a fewwomen)will doubtless stream forth to enlist, just as eager to join thefightastheAmericanswhoflockedtorecruitingofficesduringpreviousarmedconflicts—regardlessofwhetherthewarinquestionisarecklessblunderorvitaltothesurvivaloftheRepublic.IftheUnitedStates’involvementinfuturewarsisinevitable,so,too,

is it inevitablethatAmericansoldierswill fallvictimtofriendlyfire inthoseconflicts,forthesimplereasonthatfratricideispartandparcelofeverywar.Whileacknowledging that the “statisticaldimensionsof thefriendlyfireproblemhaveyettobedefined;reliabledataaresimplynotavailable in most cases,” The Oxford Companion to American MilitaryHistoryestimatesthatbetween2percentand25percentofthecasualtiesinAmerica’swarsareattributabletofriendlyfire.Whatever the statistical likelihood of being killed or wounded by

friendlyfire,itseemstodeterfewmenandwomenfromenlistingintheArmed Forces. When one talks to soldiers on the front lines, most ofthem accept that fratricide occasionally comeswith the territory; theyviewitasjustoneofmanyoccupationalhazardsintheirlineofwork.Asan infantryman, Pat Tillman understood that outside the wire, badthingshappen.Buthewasanoptimist.ArchetypicallyAmerican,hewasconfident that rightwouldusuallyprevailoverwrong.Whenhe sworethe oath of enlistment in the summer of 2002, he trusted that thoseresponsibleforsendinghimintobattlewoulddosoingoodfaith.Atthetime,hedidn’t envisage thatanyof themwould triflewithhis life,ormisrepresentthefactsofhisdeath,inordertofurthercareersoradvanceapoliticalagenda.In Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Nietzsche introduced the concept of the

Übermensch:anexemplary,transcendentfigurewhoisthepolaropposite

of“thelastman”or“menwithoutchests.”TheÜbermensch isvirtuous,loyal, ambitious and outspoken, disdainful of religious dogma andsuspiciousof receivedwisdom, intensely engaged in thehurly-burly ofthe realworld.Above all he is passionate—a connoisseur of both “thehighest joys” and “the deepest sorrows.” He believes in the moralimperative to defend (with his life, if necessary) ideals such as truth,beauty, honor, and justice. He is self-assured. He is a risk taker. Heregardssufferingassalutary,andscornsthepathofleastresistance.Nietzsche,itisnotdifficulttoimagine,wouldhaverecognizedinPat

TillmanmorethanafewoftheattributesheascribedtohisÜbermensch.Prominentamong suchqualitieswereTillman’s robustmasculinityandits corollary, his willingness to stand up and fight. Because Tillman’sstoryconformsinsomeregardstotheclassicnarrativeofthetragichero,andtheprotagonistofsuchatalealwayspossessesatragicflaw,itmightbe tempting to regard Tillman’s resounding alpha maleness as hisAchilles’heel,thetraitthatultimatelyledtohisdeath.A compelling argument can bemade, however, that the sad end he

met in Afghanistan was more accurately a function of his stubbornidealism—hisinsistenceontryingtodotherightthing.Inwhichcaseitwasn’tatragicflawthatbroughtTillmandown,butatragicvirtue.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I amdeeply indebted toMarieUgenti Tillman,whose contributions toWhereMenWinGlorywerebeyondmeasure.Althoughothermembersofthe Tillman family declined to be interviewed on the record for thisbook,IneverthelessoweprofoundthankstoPatTillman’sparents,Maryand Patrick Tillman; his brothers, Kevin and Richard Tillman; and hisuncle, StephenMichael Spalding, for their relentless efforts touncoverthe truth about Pat’s death. Without their determination to hold theArmy accountable, most of what is known about the fratricide andsubsequent cover-upwould never have been revealed. I am especiallygratefultoMaryandKevin,whodeservemostofthecreditforbringingthe truth to light. I encourage anyonewhowants to learnmore aboutPat’s life to read Mary Tillman’s beautiful, searing book, Boots on theGroundbyDusk:MyTributetoPatTillman.Thanks are owed aswell to thenumerous individuals atDoubleday,

Broadway,Vintage/Anchor, andKnopfwhohaveassistedmewith thisprojectoverthepastthreeyears,mostprominentlyCharlieConrad,BillThomas, Steve Rubin, David Drake, Alison Rich, Kathy Trager, SonnyMehta, John Fontana, Caroline Cunningham, Bette Alexander, JohnPitts, Sonia Nash, Carol Janeway, Deb Foley, Rebecca Gardner, JennaCiongoli, Laura Swerdloff, LuAnnWalther, Marty Asher, AmyMetsch,AnneMessitte,DanaMaxson,RussellPerreault,JohnSiciliano,ThomasDobrowski,andSloaneCrosley.ThanksalsotomyagentJohnWare,toMatthew Ericson for creating the maps, to Amy Fitzgibbons forassistance with Freedom of Information Act requests, and to IngridSternerforcopyeditingthemanuscript.LindaMoore,BillBriggs,BeckyHall,DavidRoberts,SharonRoberts,

Pat Joseph, Bill Costello, andMaryAnn Briggs read early drafts of themanuscriptandofferedvitalcriticism.ThebookbenefitedincrucialwaysfromconversationsIhadwithJade

Lane,RussellBaer,MelWard,BradJacobson,BradleyShepherd,JasonParsons,JoseyBoatright,WillAker,thelateJaredMonti,thelateAbdulGhani,SeymourHersh,PaulBrookes,GhulamKhalil,MichaelSvensson,Abdul Khaliq, Mohammed Akram, Naim, Michael McGovern, YarMohammed, ZachWarren, Dennis Knowles, Ron Locklear, Eric Hayes,Scott Horrigan, Frank Adkinson, Allen Moore, John Hawes, PaulFitzpatrick,AaronSwain,EhsanFarzan,DominicCariello,MikeSlusher,Alex Garwood, Christine Ugenti Garwood, Benjamin Hill, Jamie Hill,Brandon Hill, Túlio Tourinho, Réka Cseresnyés, Darin Rosas, CarolRosas, Erin Clarke Bradford,Mike Bradford, KempHare, Scott Strong,DanJensen,andCarsonSprott.While conducting research in Afghanistan in 2006 and 2007, IreceivedinvaluablehelpfromAnsarRahel,RandyKohlman,FranzZenz,EricZenk,thelateJosephFenty,JohnBreitsprecker,TonyBennett,PaulMiovas,MikeVieira,RossBerkoff,ChristopherCunningham,DanDillow,HunterMarksberry, JohnGarner,Matt Gibson, FranklinWoods, DerekJames,JorgeVillaverde,DelbertByers,MikeHoward,PaulDeis,KevinBoyd, Thomas Marbury Jr., Jason Quash, Brian Serota, Dan Huvane,Matthew Cannon, Doc Devlin, CraigWestberg, Kevin Grant, LawrenceWillams, Brandon Peacock, KeithMacklin, Zach Schultz, Josh Renken,DavidBeebe,DanielLinnihan,JohnTierney,MikeHanson,TracyLess,StephanieVanGeete,MattBrown,BradleyHubble,ToddLowell,ElissaHurley,DanBean,AnnLockwood,CharlotteHildebrand,TomBaker,BillMetheny, Cathrin Fraker, Ryan Woolf, Jason Sartori, Peter Parison,Roshan Karokhel, Ahmad Shah Sayeed, Baz Mohammed, MohamedAzim, Abadkhan Akelzareen, Abdul Gafar, ShahMahmad,MohammedSameh, Tayeb Haidari, Mohammed Zakirulah, Noor Aqa, MohammedAmin,HedayatHedayatullah, JavidNuristani, ShirMohammed, KobusHuman,andMartinVenter.Forprovidingcounselandsupportoverthe longhaul,special thankstoMarkBryant,TomHornbein,HarryKent,OwenKent,MartinShapiro,NancyMcElwain, Eric Zacharias, SamBrower, TomSamSteed, CarineMcCandless,SeanPenn,EddieVedder,ChipLee,BrianNuttall,MarilynVoorhis,DrewSimon,DavidWolf,AshleyHumphries, Eric Love, JosieHeath,MargaretKatz,CarlyHare,LeahSullivan,CarolKrakauer,KarinKrakauer, Wendy Krakauer, Sarah Krakauer, Andrew Krakauer, Tim

Stewart,MelKohn,RobinKrakauer,RosieStewart,AliStewart,ShannonCostello, Mo Costello, Ari Kohn, Miriam Kohn, Kelsi Krakauer, A. J.Krakauer,thelateRalphMoore,andMaryMoore.

NOTES

The followingnotesdocument themain sources for eachchapter; theydo not list the source of every quotation, anecdote, and fact. Passagesthroughout the book that refer to the ongoing American militarycampaigninAfghanistan(includingthebattlethatclaimedPatTillman’slife),andtothepolitics,history,ethnography,geography,geology,andbotany of South Asia, were informed in large part by research Iundertook on the ground in Afghanistan in May and June 2006, andfromDecember2006throughFebruary2007.IspentmostofthattimeinremotepartsofKonar,Khost,Paktika,andPaktiaprovinces,whereIaccompanied troops from the U.S. Army’s Tenth Mountain Division,Eighty-second Airborne Division, and Special Forces OperationalDetachment-Alpha 773;U.S. ArmyNationalGuard EmbeddedTrainingTeams; theAfghanNationalArmy; theAfghan Special Forces; and theAfghanSecurityGuardonnumerouscombatmissionsalongthePakistanborder.

PROLOGUE

DetailsabouttheeventsofApril22,2004,intheSperaDistrictofKhostProvincecamefrominterviewsandcorrespondencewithJadeLane,MelWard,WillAker,BradleyShepherd,RussellBaer,JoseyBoatright,BradJacobson,andJasonParsons,augmentedbysworntestimonypublishedin “ArmyRegulation (AR) 15–6 Investigation—Corporal Pat Tillman,”by the U.S. Army Special Operations Command, January 10, 2005;“ReviewofMattersRelated to theDeathofCorporalPatTillman,U.S.Army,ReportNumberIPO2007E001,March26,2007,”bytheInspectorGeneral, U.S. Department of Defense; “Hearing on MisleadingInformation fromtheBattlefield,”preliminary transcript,U.S.HouseofRepresentativesCommitteeonOversightandGovernmentReform,April24,2007;and“MisleadingInformationfromtheBattlefield:TheTillmanand LynchEpisodes,” by theU.S.House ofRepresentativesCommitteeonOversight andGovernment Reform, July 17, 2008. References to aJuly 2007 Associated Press article were based on “New Details onTillman’sDeath,”byMarthaMendoza,publishedonJuly27,2007.ThereferencetocommentsmadebyAnnCoulterwasbasedonacolumnshewrotetitled“2004:HighlightsandLowlifes,”publishedinHumanEventsonDecember30,2004.ThereferencetoTedRallwasbasedonacomicstriphepublishedonApril29,2004.

CHAPTERONE

MysourcesforthematerialaboutPatTillman’syouthwereBootsontheGroundbyDusk:MyTribute toPatTillman,byMaryTillman; interviewsandcorrespondencewithMarieTillman,BenjaminHill,JamieHill,andCarson Sprott; the diaries of Pat Tillman; and Fearless, a forty-five-minute film about Tillman produced by Asylum Entertainment for theOutdoor Life Network. My main sources for the material about theSoviet-Afghan conflictwere “TheCIA’s Intervention inAfghanistan,” a1998 interview with Zbigniew Brzezinski published in Le NouvelObservateur;“TranscriptofBinLaden’sOctoberInterview,”thetranscriptofan interviewwithbinLadenbyAlJazeeraTelevisioncorrespondentTayseer Alouni in October 2001;GhostWars: The Secret History of theCIA,Afghanistan,andbinLaden,fromtheSovietInvasiontoSeptember10,2001,bySteveColl;CharlieWilson’sWar:TheExtraordinaryStoryofHowtheWildestManinCongressandaRogueCIAAgentChangedtheHistoryofOur Time, by George Crile; The Bear Went over the Mountain: SovietCombatTactics inAfghanistan, editedbyLesterW.Grau;Afghanistan:AMilitary History from Alexander the Great to the Fall of the Taliban, byStephen Tanner; and “Soviet Air Power: Tactics andWeaponsUsed inAfghanistan,”byDennyR.Nelson.TheFrancisFukuyamaquotationwastakenfromhisessay“TheEndofHistory?”

CHAPTERTWO

MysourcesforthematerialaboutPatTillman’syouthwereBootsontheGround by Dusk; interviews and correspondence with Marie Tillman,Benjamin Hill, Jamie Hill, and Carson Sprott; and New Almaden, byMichael Boulland and Arthur Boudreault. Details about ForwardOperating Base Tillman, the Afghan Security Guard, and Pashtunwalicame from research I conducted in Konar, Paktia, Paktika, and Khostprovinces in 2006 and 2007, which included interviews with JaredMonti,AaronSwain,DennisKnowles,RonLocklear,EricHayes,GhulamKhalil,andAbdulGhani.

CHAPTERTHREE

MymainsourceswereGhostWars;TheLoomingTower:Al-QaedaandtheRoad to 9/11, by LawrenceWright;The 9/11 Commission Report: FinalReport of the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks upon the UnitedStates;andAfghanistan:AMilitaryHistoryfromAlexandertheGreattotheFalloftheTaliban.

CHAPTERFOUR

My sources were interviews and correspondence with Marie Tillman,BenjaminHill, JamieHill, andCarson Sprott; articles published in theSanJoseMercuryNews;BootsontheGroundbyDusk;andI’veGotThingstoDowithMyLife:FatTillman:TheMakingofanAmericanHero,byMikeTowle.

CHAPTERFIVE

My sources were interviews and correspondence with Marie Tillman,Darin Rosas, Mike Bradford, Erin Clarke Bradford, Kemp Hare, ScottStrong,andCarolRosas;andBootsontheGroundbyDusk.

CHAPTERSIX

My sources were interviews and correspondence with Marie Tillman,Darin Rosas, Mike Bradford, Erin Clarke Bradford, Kemp Hare, ScottStrong,CarolRosas,andDanJensen;andBootsontheGroundbyDusk.

CHAPTERSEVEN

MymainsourceswereTaliban:MilitantIslam,Oil,andFundamentalisminCentralAsia,byAhmedRashid;GhostWars;TheLoomingTower;The9/11Commission Report; Afghanistan: A Military History from Alexander theGreattotheFalloftheTaliban;OntheRoadtoKandahar:TravelsThroughConflict in the IslamicWorld, by JasonBurke; I is for Infidel: FromHolyWar toHolyTerror: 18Years InsideAfghanistan, byKathyGannon; and“TheMaking ofOsamabin Laden fromSaudiRichBoy to theWorld’sMostWantedMan,”byJasonBurke.

CHAPTEREIGHT

MysourceswereinterviewswithMarieTillman;BootsontheGroundbyDusk; I’ve Got Things to Do with My Life; and “A Cut Above,” by TimLayden.

CHAPTERNINE

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman and Réka Cseresnyés; Boots on the Ground by Dusk; I’ve GotThings toDowithMyLife;“ACutAbove”;andarticlespublished in theArizonaRepublic.

CHAPTERTEN

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillmanandFrankBauer;BootsontheGroundbyDusk;I’veGotThingstoDowithMyLife;andarticlespublishedintheArizonaRepublic.

CHAPTERELEVEN

My main sources were Ghost Wars; The Looming Tower; The 9/11Commission Report; Charlie Wilson’s War; Afghanistan Cave Complexes,1979–2004:MountainStrongholdsoftheMujahideen,Taliban&AlQaeda,byMir Bahmanyar; andOsama bin Laden: America’s Enemy inHisOwnWords,editedbyRandallB.Hamud.

CHAPTERTWELVE

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman,BenjaminHill,andBrandonHill;andarticlespublishedintheArizonaRepublic.

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman,ChristineUgentiGarwood,andAlexGarwood;thediariesofPatTillman;andI’veGotThingstoDowithMyLife.

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

MymainsourceswerethediariesofPatTillman;The9/11CommissionReport;GhostWars;andTheLoomingTower.

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman and FrankBauer; SupremeCourt ruling 00–949,Bush v.Gore;“ConflictsofInterestinBushv.Gore:DidSomeJusticesVoteIllegally?”byRichard K.Neumann Jr.; “MyAll-Pro Team,” by Paul Zimmerman;The 9/11 Commission Report; and Against All Enemies: Inside America’sWaronTerror,byRichardClarke.

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman and Pat Murphy; “True Hero Athlete,” by Gwen Knapp; The9/11 Commission Report; Against All Enemies; The One Percent Doctrine:Deep InsideAmerica’sPursuit of ItsEnemiesSince9/11, byRonSuskind;andAngler:TheCheneyVicePresidency,byBartonGellman.

CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman; The One Percent Doctrine; Afghanistan: A Military History fromAlexandertheGreattotheFalloftheTaliban;SpecialOperationsForces inAfghanistan:Afghanistan,2001–2007,byLeighNeville;KillbinLaden:ADeltaForceCommander’sAccountoftheHuntfortheWorld’sMostWantedMan,byDaltonFury;MessagestotheWorld:TheStatementsofOsamabinLaden, edited by Bruce Lawrence; Jawbreaker: The Attack on bin LadenandAl-Qaeda,byGaryBerntsen;NotaGoodDaytoDie:TheUntoldStoryof Operation Anaconda, by Sean Naylor; “U.S. Special OperationsCommand20thAnniversaryHistory:1987–2007”;“ExcerptsfromUsamaBinLadin’s ‘Will’ ”; “TheLongHunt forOsama,”byPeterBergen;and“TheFailingCampaigntoKillJalaluddinHaqqani,”byMarcW.Herold.

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman, Frank Bauer, Christine Ugenti Garwood, and Alex Garwood;andBootsontheGroundbyDusk.

CHAPTERNINETEEN

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillmanandTúlioTourinho;thediariesofPatTillman;and“MisleadingInformationfromtheBattlefield:TheTillmanandLynchEpisodes.”

CHAPTERTWENTY

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillmanandTúlioTourinho;andthediariesofPatTillman.

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman,RussellBaer,JadeLane,andJasonParsons; thediariesofPatTillman;a transcriptof the secondGore-Bushpresidentialdebate,heldonOctober11,2000;TheOnePercentDoctrine;andFiasco:TheAmericanMilitaryAdventureinIraq,byThomasE.Ricks.

CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

MymainsourceswerethediariesofPatTillman;“Attackonthe507thMaintenance Company, 23March 2003; An Nasiriyah, Iraq: ExecutiveSummary,” issuedby theU.S.Army; “Misleading Information from theBattlefield:TheTillmanandLynchEpisodes”;Fiasco;CobraII:TheInsideStory of the InvasionandOccupation of Iraq, byMichaelR.GordonandBernardE.Trainor;“‘SheWasFightingtotheDeath’;DetailsEmergingofW.Va.Soldier’sCaptureandRescue,”bySusanSchmidtandVernonLoeb;and“IraqMediaGuyRebuildsQatarattheGarden,”byBenSmith.

CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE

My main sources were the diaries of Pat Tillman; “Investigation ofSuspectedFriendlyFireIncidentnearAnNasiriyah,Iraq,23March03,”areportbyU.S.CentralCommand;AmbushAlley:TheMostExtraordinaryBattleoftheIraqWar,byTimPritchard;MarinesintheGardenofEden,byRichard S. Lowry; An Nasiriyah: The Fight for the Bridges, by GaryLivingston;TheGreatWarforCivilisation:TheConquestoftheMiddleEast,byRobertFisk;GenerationKill:DevilDogs,Iceman,CaptainAmerica,andtheNewFaceofAmericanWar,byEvanWright;CobraII;and“ADeadlyDayforCharlieCompany,”byRichConnellandRobertJ.Lopez.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR

MymainsourceswerePatTillman’sdiaries;“InvestigationofSuspectedFriendly Fire Incident near AnNasiriyah, Iraq, 23March 03”;AmbushAlley; Marines in the Garden of Eden; An Nasiriyah: The Fight for theBridges; Generation Kill; Cobra II; and “A Deadly Day for CharlieCompany.”

CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE

MymainsourceswerePatTillman’sdiaries;“InvestigationofSuspectedFriendly Fire Incident near An Nasiriyah, Iraq, 23 March 03”; “A-10Friendly Fire InvestigationCompleted,” a news release byU.S. CentralCommand; “CENTCOM Operation Iraqi Freedom Briefing 23 March2003”; “Defense Department Briefing Transcript, 25 March 2003”;“Secretary Rumsfeld Media Availability En Route to Chile,” a U.S.Department of Defense news transcript, November 18, 2002; “NineMarinesKilled,12SoldiersMissing,”areportbyFoxNews;“TheTruthAboutJessica,”byJohnKampfner;and“TheManWhoSold theWar,”byJamesBamford.

CHAPTERTWENTY-SIX

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman, Russell Baer, Jade Lane, MelWard, Aaron Swain, and FrankBauer; the diaries of Pat Tillman; Nuremberg Diary, by G. M. Gilbert;Osama bin Laden:America’s Enemy inHisOwnWords; andBoots on theGroundbyDusk.

CHAPTERTWENTY-SEVEN

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman,JoseyBoatright,andRékaCseresnyés;PatTillman’sdiaries;andBootsontheGroundbyDusk.

CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT

My main sources were Pat Tillman’s diaries; interviews andcorrespondencewith Brad Jacobson, Bradley Shepherd, Jason Parsons,Russell Baer, Josey Boatright, Will Aker, Jade Lane, and Mel Ward;“Afghan Offensive: Grand Plans Hit Rugged Reality,” by Syed SaleemShahzad; “Army Regulation (AR) 15–6 Investigation—Corporal PatTillman”; “Review of Matters Related to the Death of Corporal PatTillman”;“HearingonMisleadingInformationfromtheBattlefield”;and“Misleading Information from the Battlefield: The Tillman and LynchEpisodes.”

CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with BradJacobson, Bradley Shepherd, Jason Parsons, Russell Baer, JoseyBoatright, Will Aker, Jade Lane, and Mel Ward; “Afghan Offensive:Grand Plans Hit Rugged Reality”; “Army Regulation (AR) 15–6Investigation—CorporalPatTillman”;“ReviewofMattersRelatedtotheDeath of Corporal Pat Tillman”; “Hearing on Misleading InformationfromtheBattlefield”;and“MisleadingInformationfromtheBattlefield:TheTillmanandLynchEpisodes.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with BradJacobson, Bradley Shepherd, Jason Parsons, Russell Baer, JoseyBoatright,WillAker,JadeLane,andMelWard;“ArmyRegulation(AR)15–6 Investigation—CorporalPatTillman”; “ReviewofMattersRelatedto the Death of Corporal Pat Tillman”; “Hearing on MisleadingInformationfromtheBattlefield”;and“MisleadingInformationfromtheBattlefield:TheTillmanandLynchEpisodes.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with BradJacobson, Bradley Shepherd, Jason Parsons, Russell Baer, JoseyBoatright,WillAker,JadeLane,andMelWard;“ArmyRegulation(AR)15–6 Investigation—CorporalPatTillman”; “ReviewofMattersRelatedto the Death of Corporal Pat Tillman”; “Hearing on MisleadingInformationfromtheBattlefield”;and“MisleadingInformationfromtheBattlefield:TheTillmanandLynchEpisodes.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-TWO

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman,AlexGarwood,ChristineUgentiGarwood,SeymourHersh,andRussell Baer; Boots on the Ground by Dusk; “The Hidden General,” byMichael Hirsh and John Barry; “Final Autopsy Examination Report:Patrick D. Tillman,” by the Office of the Armed Forces MedicalExaminer; “Classified InterviewofLieutenantGeneralStanMcChrystal,November26,2006”;“InterviewofColonelJamesCraigNixon,October28,2006”; “SwornTestimonyofCommanderCraigMallak,August29,2005”;“SwornTestimonyofLieutenantColonelJeffreyBailey,October16,2006”;“SwornTestimonyofLieutenantColonelNormanAllen,July26, 2006”; “Sworn Testimony of Major Charles Kirchmaier, June 9,2006”; “Army Regulation (AR) 15–6 Investigation—Corporal PatTillman”; “Review of Matters Related to the Death of Corporal PatTillman”;“HearingonMisleadingInformationfromtheBattlefield”;and“Misleading Information from the Battlefield: The Tillman and LynchEpisodes.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-THREE

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman, Jade Lane, Russell Baer, Bradley Shepherd, Mel Ward, WillAker, and Seymour Hersh; Boots on the Ground by Dusk; The TerrorPresidency: Law and Judgment Inside the BushAdministration, by Jack L.Goldsmith; Torture and Truth: America, Abu Ghraib, and the War onTerror,byMarkDanner;ChainofCommand:TheRoadfrom9/11toAbuGhraib,bySeymourHersh; “TheGeneral’sReport,”bySeymourHersh;“Army Regulation (AR) 15–6 Investigation—Corporal Pat Tillman”;“Review of Matters Related to the Death of Corporal Pat Tillman”;“Hearing onMisleading Information from the Battlefield”; “Hearing toConsider the Nominations of Admiral James G. Stavridis, USN forReappointment to the Grade of Admiral and to be Commander, U.S.European Command and Supreme Allied Commander, Europe;Lieutenant General Douglas M. Fraser, USAF to be General andCommander, U.S. Southern Command; and Lieutenant General StanleyA. McChrystal, USA to be General and Commander, InternationalSecurity Assistance Force and Commander, U.S. Forces, Afghanistan”;“Classified InterviewofLieutenantGeneralStanMcChrystal,November26,2006”;“InterviewofColonelJamesCraigNixon,October28,2006”;“Sworn Testimony of Lieutenant Colonel Jeffrey Bailey, October 16,2006”; “TestimonyofBrigadierGeneralGinaFarrisee,May22, 2007”;and “Misleading Information from the Battlefield: The Tillman andLynchEpisodes.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-FOUR

My main sources were interviews and correspondence with MarieTillman, Jade Lane, Russell Baer, Bradley Shepherd, Mel Ward, WillAker,andBradJacobson;BootsontheGroundbyDusk;“AnUn-AmericanTragedy,”byMikeFish;“FinalAutopsyExaminationReport:PatrickD.Tillman”; a transcript of an interviewbetweenDr. CraigMallak and aspecialofficerfromtheOfficeoftheInspectorGeneral;“NewDetailsonTillman’s Death,” by Martha Mendoza; “Army Regulation (AR) 15–6Investigation—CorporalPatTillman”;“ReviewofMattersRelatedtotheDeath of Corporal Pat Tillman”; “Hearing on Misleading InformationfromtheBattlefield”;“MisleadingInformationfromtheBattlefield:TheTillmanandLynchEpisodes”;“InformationRegarding theDeathofPatTillman,” a news release by the Office of the Assistant Secretary ofDefense; and “President Bush Discusses American CompetitivenessInitiativeDuringPressConference,”atranscriptfromtheWhiteHouse.

CHAPTERTHIRTY-FIVE

MysourceswereinterviewsandcorrespondencewithMarieTillmanandMelWard.

POSTSCRIPT

I gathered much of the material in this chapter during visits toAfghanistanin2006and2007.InthecourseofmytravelsIspokewithDennis Knowles, Ron Locklear, Eric Hayes, Allen Moore, FrankAdkinson,ScottHorrigan,AbdulGhani,andMattBrown.Othersourcesincluded Counterinsurgency in Afghanistan, by Seth G. Jones; “Afghan,CoalitionForcesDisruptInsurgentNetwork,”byTimothyDineen;“C.I.A.Outlines Pakistan Links with Militants,” by Mark Mazzetti and EricSchmitt;“BushSaidtoGiveOrdersAllowingRaidsinPakistan,”byEricSchmitt and Mark Mazzetti; “Taliban Commander Is Face of RisingThreat,” by Carlotta Gall; “India Vindicated by Pakistan Charge,” byMadhurSingh;“RightattheEdge,”byDexterFilkins;TheEndofHistoryand the LastMan, by Francis Fukuyama;The Suicide ofReason:RadicalIslam’sThreattotheWest,byLeeHarris;“PakistanandTerror:TheEyeoftheStorm,”byBruceRiedel;TheOxfordCompaniontoAmericanMilitaryHistory, edited by John Whiteclay Chambers II; and Thus SpokeZarathustra,byFriedrichNietzsche.

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