tistmas

l y

There's no more acceptable gift in Santa's whole

The'ano carton of Camel Cigarettes. Here's

te than solution to your gift problems.

the happy suto be appreciated. And enjoyed!hCamls are sre tobeatig Camels, you keep in

\Yithmild,fie-ta. it of Christmas. Enjoy

Another Christmas special- 4 boxes

of Camels in 'flatfifties"-wrappedin gay holiday dress. {right, above}

pnceibed ~

It's easy to please all the pipe-smokers on

yr lst st pive them the same mellow,

your list. Just giv choose for themselves

fragrant tobacco they chooe fo Smoke.

-- Prince Albert-the National Joy o

"P. A." is the arge-sellind tsoking tobacco

in the world-as mild and tasty a tobacco as

ever delighted a man. And prince Albert does

not"bite" the tongue. Have bright red-andr

green Chritmas packages of Prince Albert

waiting there early Christmas morning. .to

wish your friends and relatives the merriest

Christmas ever.

One full pound of mild, mlow Prince Albert-the "bI

less" tobacco-packed in

cheerful red tin and placedan attractive Christmaspackage. (far left]

Here's a full pound of PriAlbert, packed in a real &a

humidorthat keeps the toba

in perfect condition andcomes a welcome possess

Gift wrap. (near left}

r'j

Copyright,1936, R. J.Reynolde Tobacco Company, Winton-Se1"

7l

BORED WALK

"My grandfather was the hardest-

drinkin', fastest-shootin', quickest-kill-in' bad man on the Texas border."

"Did he carry two guns?""No. When he had two men to kill

he made a billiard."-Ranger.

Judge: What are your grounds for

divorce?Bride: He snores.Judge: How long have you been mar-

ried?Bride: Two weeks.Judge: Granted; he shouldn't snore.

-Medley.

** *

The Engineers have a swell method of

testing their liquor. They connect 20,-000 volts across a pint. If the currentjumps across it, the product is poor.

If the current causes a precipitationof lye, tin, arsenic, iron slag and alum,the whiskey is fair.

If the liquor chases the current backto the generator, then they've got goodwhiskey.

-Exchange.-

* * *

"Are you positive that the defendantwas drunk?'

"No doubt," growled Officer Kelly."Why are you so almightly certain

about it?""Well, anyhow," replied Kelly, "I saw

him put a penny in the patrol box onFourth Street and then he looked up atthe clock on the Presbyterian Churchand roared, 'Gawd, I've lost fourteenpounds' weight'."

-Exchange.

Accused of stealing $72 worth of acandy laxative from a truck, JosephSavino, 17, of 582 Clinton St., Brooklyn,was paroled in Downtown Court forhearing yesterday.-N. Y. Journal.

For hearing, eh?-Tiger.

"I say, old fellow, why on earth areyou washing your spoon in your fingerbowl?"

"Do you think I want to get egg allover my pocket?"

-Red Cat.

The man: Who wasyou outwit last night?

that lady I seen

-Panther.

DECEMBER, 1936

DON HEROLDGodfather

HUGH DILLINEditor

LOY BAXTERAssistant Editor

CHARLES SMITHBURNCirculation Manager

KATHERINE BERGGraduate Manager

JANE VESEYA. G. OLOFSON

JANE DILLINBoard of Editors

STAFF MEMBERSDan Bretz Harriet ScottLouis Bonsib Shirley Howell

John Chappell Virginia GrayMargaretJim Adams McCowanMary Beth Hunt Betty BrandonFlorence Swanson Katherine WagnerCarmen Hurst Betty CarmonyMarjorie Ohming Doris Van HornHortense Zaring KatherineKathleen Daubenspeck

Behrmann Rosemary Redens}eggy Leninger Jack HareHelen Ott Olvey

Higginbotham Jim PiattYvonne DeBrutonLloyd KloefflerMargaret Horton Henrietta FordBetty Quigley Eleanor NicholasRuth Lige Dorine CavinessJane Stewart Roberta MardisBetty Klamer Marian JohnsonMarie Stegemeier Maude AliceBetty Goyer DodsonElaine Stevens Harriet Cracraft

Copyright 1936 by the Bored WalkPublishing Co., Inc.

Published nine times during theschool year from October to May in-clusive by students of Indiana Univer-sity.

"Entered as second class matter atBloomington, Indiana, under the act ofMarch 3, 1879."

Address: Bored Walk, Indiana Uni-versity, Bloomington, Ind.

Subscription rates one dollar theyear. Single copies fifteen cents.

"That India Rubber Man is Grunto's toughest assignment."

3

DECEMBER

* In the Swing-

Clothes and Things

By JANE VESEY

Another formal season is upon us,and as far as fashions are concerned, itis more colorful, more graceful, andmore feminine than ever. Quite an ar-ray of new and very attractive eveninggowns were in evidence last Fridaynight. Several were especially stunning.

For instance there was a rich corona-tion red satin, which is FRANCESDILLMAN'S, Delta Gamma. Made dis-tinctly on the princess theme, it has ahigh neck in front and a very low back,from which is fitted a tucked bodiceand a long and very full skirt. Thesleeves, puffed at the shoulders, areshort, and the only trimming on thedress is composed of two huge chrysan-themums at the bottom of the low V-shaped back.

Another attractive evening gown wasworn by BETTY HAZELTINE, KappaAlpha Theta. A simply made chiffon,its main charm was in its color, a deeptourquoise. A very full skirt is fash-ioned from the fitted bodice, which isedged in a dainty ruffle around thehoulders. Narrow shoulder straps arein the same material.

JEANETTE HOOVER, Alpha ChiOmega, chose a black net over blacktaffeta with a huge skirt and a smallbolero effect in black lace. Little capsleeves covered her shoulders, and alarge rhinestone buckle fastened at thewaistline.

Fashionable indeed was the black cel-anese of LUCILLE NIXON'S, DeltaGamma. Around the bottom of its fullskirt are three bands of black velvet,graduated as to width. A very effec-tive feature of the dress is a neatlyfitted bolero with high neck and shortsleeves, around the edges of which is ahalf inch band of black velvet.

PAT TRUEBLOOD, Alpha Chipledge, was attractive in orchid taffetawith a bodice top, small puffed sleeves,and a huge skirt. The gown is simply

styled with a small jacket effect and acluster of flowers in the same materialat the bottom of the low neckline.

But enough about the formal season,and a word about some good-lookingschool clothes we've seen, as well assome attractive date dresses. JACKIEHARROLD, Kappa freshman, wears ablack velveteen Louise Mulligancalled "Diamond Jim." Plain, fitted andunbelted, with a swing skirt, its onlytrimming is carried out in small squarerhinestones buttons all the way downthe front of the dress. With it she hasa cone-shaped hat in black velveteen,which is stitched and decorated with arow of tailored bows.

ELEANOR RAKE, Kappa Alpha The-ta, has a tailored blue grey wool crepe,which is split at the high neck andtucked at the waistline which flares intothe skirt. A turkey red suede belt istied in front with the grey wool, whichalso is fashioned into a bow at theneckline. A single row of covered but-tons line the shoulder seams. A felthat to match the belt strikes a jauntynote.

A two-piece rust alpaca sport dress isvery attractive on JEANNE KREISLE,Zeta Tau Alpha. The neckline is gath-ered with a lacing of a colored leathercombination, which matches the braid-ed leather belt. The three-quarterlength sleeves are darted, and the skirtis made simply.

JO MILLER, Pi Beta Phi, combinesgold satin with brown crepe to have astriking Sunday evening date outfit.The gold satin blouse has full sleeveswith small ruffles at the cuffs andbrown velvet buttons down the front.The brown skirt is designed after theswing influence. Acessories are inbrown suede.

Neat indeed is the brown felt dressyhat of RUTH ADLER'S, Kappa fresh-man. Small and perky with its widemesh veil, which surrounds the crown,it is particularly noteworthy for its se-quin feather set at a clever angle. Withit she wears a brown crepe dress fash-ioned with a fitted bolero, edged in six-inch silk braid. A Kelley green chiffonvelvet ascot tie completes the costume.

MARY LOUISE BARNHART, DeltaGamma, models an extremely stunningPort wine silhouette, which is unusualfor its tunic which is designed in a red-ingote effect and is fashioned in a richlace. The skirt is in a crepe in thesame color. The neckline is high andis fastened with a rhinestone buckle.The long sleeves are fitted and buttonedat the wrists with tiny covered buttons.Larger covered buttons fasten the tunicin three places down the front. Withit she wears a brown felt Pillmore,which has a bit of a Beaver trim tomatch her Beaver coat.

A tailored black wool is JEANNENABOR'S, Pi Beta Phi. Zipping up thefront, the neckline is finished withballs of Persian lamb, which hang fromthe zipper and a Kelley green ascot tie.The feathers on her perky hat matchthe ascot.

Lack and white checked wool, fash-ioned after the princess style, withquite a flare in the skirt, is LIBBYBLACKLIDGE'S, Kappa freshmanThe frock buttons up the front with big

ebony buttons, widely spaced, and hugecollars and cuffs of black velveteen andwhite pique furnish the trimming. Thewaistline is belted, in wide black vel-veteen. Her hat is also black velveteen

finished with a large bow in back.

4

fir,,

5BORED WALK

And He Learnedabout FRESHNESS

from Her!

DOPEY'S delicious Delilah dished out fetching freshnesswith saucy sureness. Always start them off with Double-Mellow Old Golds. They will catch on so much quicker.

The two jackets of Cellophane is the first tip-off, and thenwith the first delightful puff of that mellow, sun-ripened,prize crop tobacco, the light of true freshness will dawn andhe'll catch the spirit of things, Christmas included.

Yes indeedy, and you'll get a bigger kick out of thatKriss Kringle Kiss . . . it will be factory-fresh.

ZIPS OPEN DOUBLE-QUICK!

Outer Cellophane Jacket opens from the Bottom.

Inner Cellophane Jacket opens from the Top.

Copr., 1936. by P. Lorillard Co., Inc.

PRIZE CROP T OBACCOS MAKE THEM DOUBLE-MELLOW

JACKETS OF "CELLOPHANE" KEEP THEM FACTORY-FRESH

DECEMBER

DO YOU BELIEVE

IN SANTA CLAUS?

You Will, If YouEat at STONE'S

Not just at Christmas time, butevery day in the year studentseating at STONE'S get a present-choicier food at the same prices.

And next to Santa Claus(around the world in 24 hours)they don't come any speedierthan the waiters at this just-off-the-campus spot.

COME ON OVER FOR A COKE,

A MEAL, A BOX OFCHRISTMAS CANDY

*

STONE'SCAFE

327 S. WOODLAWN

"Spike, when yer crack the 3rd National,draw out my Christmas fund."

"I Hear you and the leading lady areon the outs."

Electrician: "Yeah, it was one ofthose quick change scenes with thestage all dark. She asked for her tightsand I thought she said lights."

-Sun Dial.

"Im angry at Bill. He proposed tome last night."

"I see nothing wrong in that.""Yea, but you should have heard

what he proposed!"-- Varieties.

"Bare knees are a luxury.""Why?""Try to get hold of one some time!"

-Widow.

MAIDEN'S PRAYER

Breathes there a manAround this schoolSufficientlyRestrained and cool,Enough to limitHis demandsAnd say "Good night,"Just holding hands,Who has the decencyTo waitUntil at leastA second dateio reach a warm,Romantic state,And give a girlSome preparationBefore expectingOsculationAt least an hourIn duration?If such there beGo mark him well,I'll date the guyAnd make him tellMe what the hellHe had for dinner,

sick.that makes him so

-Reserve Red Cat.

Roses are redViolets are pink,Immediately afterThe thirteenth drink.

-Yale Record.

"Who's in the garden?""Only us pansies."

There was a little girlWho had a little curlRight in the middleOf her forehead.When she was bad,She was very, very bad-But when she was good,She was lonely.

-Rcai

6

ATTRACTIONSAt Bloomington's Leading Theatres

PRINCESSTues. Dec. 15-One Day Only!

in

20th CENTURY FOX PICTURE

Wed. Thurs. Fri. Dec. 16-17-18TWO BRILLIANT STARS!

KATHARINEHEPBURN

~HERBERT MARSHAL .:>

-arris Grandist Times Today - Tuesday

ed. Thurs. Fri. Dec. 16-17-18THE FOOTBALL MUSICAL OF 1936!

Second Big FeatureI

SR BELLES ... AND ALL'S WELL

E WAY R E SMARY CARLISLE

* FLICK TIPS * GIRLS CALLED HIM.. Ar -A._

With this - the Christmas issue ofBored Walk - the management of thePrincess Theatre announces three spe-

ciay pre-holiday programs to be offeredbefore the Christmas vacation startswith Lawrence Tibbet in "Under Your

Spell" as the special attraction for to-day (Tuesday, Dec. 15) only. StartingWednesday, Katharine Hepburn withHerbert Marshall in "A Woman Re-

bels," from Netta Syrett's novel "Por-trait of a Rebel," will be shown for

three days. "Banjo On My Knee," withJoel McCrea and Barbara Stanwyck-

a story with the locale of the sensation-al stage play, "Tobacco Road," - will

be shown at the Princess starting Sat-urday, December 19.

Following the Christmas vacation and

from then on, week after week with no

let up, the Princess will present thegreatest array of motion picture attrac-tions any theatre has ever been privi-leged to offer the public. The following

is a list of but a few of the outstand-ing productions which will be shown at

the Princess following the Christmasvacation. Read them over now so you

will know what is in store for you whenyou return after the holidays.

Bing Crosby in "Pennies from Heav-en;" "College Holiday," with Jack Ben-ny, Burns and Allen, Martha Raye anda host of others; Maxwell Anderson'sprize-winning play "Winterset," withBurgess Meredith, Margo and EduardoCinnelli in the roles they created in thestage play; Cecil B. DeMille's "ThePlainsman" with Gary Cooper, JeanArthur and a cast of thousands; Mar-lene Dietrich in "The Garden of Allah,"filmed in new technicolor; "As YouLike It" with Elizabeth Bergner; 20th-Century-Fox's mightiest production,"Lloyd's of London" (now being road-showed) ; Irving Berlin's "On the Ave-nue," with Dick Powell and MadeleineCarroll; "Champagne Walt" withGladys Swarthout, Fred MacMurrayand Veloz and Yolanda, world's great-est dancers; Claudette Colbert in "Maidof Salem"; Grace Moore in "Interlude";and Frank Capra's greatest achieve-ment, "The Lost Horizon," starringRonald Colman, which has just beencompleted and which is to have a spe-cial presentation at the Princess whenit is released which, however, will notbe until after the first of the year.

"The Big Broadcast of 1937" is offer-ed at the Harris Grand for the lasttimes today if you missed it before and"Pigskin Parade," the greatest footballfun frolic ever filmed, is to be shownstarting Wednesday combined with"Lady Be Careful," from the stage show,"$ailor Beware"!

'BLUEBEARD':

-because every time he let out a

blast of murderous tobacco from hisnever-cleaned pipe they couldn't help

thinking of the famous gent who as-

sassinated six wives. A pity, too-

when women love pipe-smoking done

in the right way. Which is? 1. Keepyour pipe tidy. z. Switch to the to-bacco that burns cleaner and smellsnore fragrant. We modestly admittkat's Sir Walter Raleigh SmokingTobacco-an uncommonly mild blendof Kentucky Burleys delightful to bothsmoker and audience. How such su-

perlative tobacco can be only 15 isour worry. Try a tin. You'll bless us.

SWITCH TO THE BRAND

OF GRAND AROMA

7

DECEMBER

NS -- ON, HE'S KINDAARLES PEEVISH BECAUSEO HE LOST HIS OLDUTP PIPE AND HAD

TO BUY A NEW ONE

v 5

A FINE BRIAR CANT DO IT FAST.ALL RIGHT,' BUT YOU 1 HAVE ADON'T SEEM tO BE SENSITIVE -ONGUEMAKING MUCH JUDGE -AND AHEADWAY h NEW PIPE ALWAYSBREAKING IT IN STINGAND BURNS

~, -~

*1

ISTEN SON, TAKE AP p.vOU OUGHTROM AN otD-TIME<. TO KNow,BREAK IN YOUR PIPE )UDGE, I/1TH PRINCE ALBERT WILL

D AVOID TONGUE-BfT1NGJNPLEASANTNESS

IT'S NICE GOSH, CHUBBINS,TO SEE WHO WOULDN'T

YOU SMILE?TH-IS FPA.SMILING IS AS SMOOTHAGAIN AND TASTY AS

CAN B. ANDrT DOESN'T BITE

MY TONGUE

r r

DID "THEY ? I'DCALL IT A CASEOF LOVE AT FIRST

PU.FF!

I

V

Copyright, 1936, R. .1. Reynolds Tobaco

PRINCE ALBERT SPEAKS FOR ITSELF-Prince Albert is as tasty and mel-low as Nature and man, bothworking together, can make it.The tobaccos in P. A. are amongthe choicestgrown-expertlycured,carefully matured. As the crown-ing touch, every leaf is processed

to take out "bite." Then, cut thescientific way-"crimp cut." It'sbound to be mellow, tasty, slow-burning tobacco that suits steadypipe smokers to a T. Prince Albertis great tobacco for roll-your-owncigarettes too.

PRINCE ALBERT MUST PLEASE YOUSmoke 20 fragrant pipefuls of Prince Albert. If you don't find itthe mellowest, tastiest pipe tobacco you ever smoked, return thepocket tin with the rest of the tobacco in it to us at any time with-in a month from this date, and we will refund full purchase price,

plus postage. (Signed) R. J. Reynolds Tobacco Co., Winston-Salem, N. C.

RINEE ALBERT J *SMOKE 50 pipefuls offragrant tobacco in2-oz. tin of Prince

8

,

'r,

'

BORED WALK

00

Industry

" It seems as though ever since weparked our Uncle Ezra's gladstone atthe mill some four summers ago, the oldcollege has been in a perpetual state ofhaving its pan lifted by those lads whoare referred to as P.W.A. workers. Itwas not many moons ago when onecould fracture his pelvis upon the tra-ditional board walks (not an advertise-ment) with the ease of a professional.Also many other eyesores have beendynamited off the earth's surface bythe busy little men. As we reminiscewe can distinctly remember when therewas no administration building or evenan argument as to whether or not theyshould chop down any treelets in orderto erect it. Also, we can recall the en-trenching of Dunn Meadow against aprobable Ellettsville invasion, and theconstant blasting of the heating tunnel,which gave us a legitimate excuse towheel into our eight o'clock snooze ses-sions some fifteen minutes to the bad.

At the present time, the busy bodiesare ripping up the brick walks. Forevery brick taken from its resting place,there has been at least one fracturedleg in the classes '09 to '36 inclusive. Weare soon to see daisy plots where oncewas a street in front of Owen, and itWill be a marvelous sensation, indeed,to walk from Maxwell hall to Kirkwoodwithout being winged by at least onetaxi. What with canopies and W.P.A.,we pop a button off our vest and pre-dict with pardonable pride that IndianaUniversity will soon be the best inBloomington.

Fun

* We happened to be in Indianapolisa short time ago, and decided to lunchat a spot called the "109". We wentthere with a pleasureable thrill of anti-cipation, since we have always, sinceProhi days, connected places designatedby numbers with speaks, and have feltjust awfully devilish upon entering one.We were not overly impressed with thejoint, were even slightly let down, infact, until the menu was presented. Onthe front, boldly lettered, appearedthe legend

109Food

DrinksGlee

"Bringwhooped,have felt

us an order of glee!" weand for no particular reasondisgustingly smug ever since.

Racket

" We were slightly nonplussed whenwe found out recently that our class-mates annually lay on the line thetidy sum of $40,000 (forty thousandslugs) for dues and initiation fees invarious campus honoraries. This doesnot include a much larger chunk ofdough kicked in during the same periodof time to the coffers of the social or-ganizations. We have never been ableto do much serious worrying over howother people spend their money, so wewould not try to be meddlesome andsuggest that perhaps a few of the key-for-a-consideration clubs are a trifleredundant. On the contrary, in fact,we hereby announce our availability forpresident of a new and greater honor-ary, exclusively for those (if any) whoare at the present time unaffiliatedwith one. The purposes of the organ-ization, need we say, will be (1) to seekthe truth and the light, and (2) to kickin enough dues to enable its presidentto pay next semester's tuition.

Fashions

* Although we have always had a fur-

tive admiration for tails (we speak of

formal wear, of course, and not elong-ated spinal protuberances), we have

come to feel after attending some re-

cent dances that they should either be

adopted by all the citizenry or not be

worn by any. Our reason for this poss-

ibly unreasonable position grows more

emphatic each time we gingerly touch

our battered shins; practically our everybruise was inflicted by a gentleman in

white vest, white tie and (you guessed

it) tails. We feel that there is a defi-

nite reason for this. We have observed

that the chest of the male wearing suchattire in the midst of a group less fes-

tively clad in the common or garden

tuxedo swells larger. We have noticed

that his feet move faster, and- and

here's the rub- that he is less prone to

avoid collisions, evidently in the expec-tation that the hoi polloi will automati-

cally give floor space to himself and

his dream. If all were garbed alike,be it in tails or in romper suits, we feel

that there would be a minimizing ofthis traffic problem. As it is, the pea-cocks persist in trampling on the com-

mon fowl, and being a fowl with parti-

cularly susceptible shins, we're agin it.

9

10

peace on Earti?, ®oob IWillDECEMBER

to Zetn*

With Malice TowardNone, With Charity

for All*

On Friday a week, barring solar acci-dents, peoples of miscellaneous racesand assorted colors who have certainreligious beliefs more or less in com-mon will, in their various ways, observea holiday ostensibly to commemoratethe birth of the founder of their relig-ion. Possibly there may be scatteredindividuals here and there who willeven devote a moment's actual thoughtto the life and philosophy of that man.And possibly not.

Of one thing we may be sure. Dur-ing the hectic days immediately pre-ceding the final feast day, upon whichthe enlightened and emancipated indi-viduals of this and other countries willundergo a brief renewal of faith beforesitting down to a too rich dinner andan afternoon nap (save, of course, thatthere will be a few paltry millions who,largely because of their own shiftless-ness, no doubt, will be unable to affordanything save the renewal of faith)there will be dragged out of the moth-balls by highpowered advertisers andothers the world over all the dogmasand triteness of the years. These willthen be rehashed via radio, billboard,and newspaper for the benefit of a pop-ulace so adequately once described bya Mr. Barnum.

An astonishing photomontage ofwords will be built up, in which kalei-doscopically will appear and disappearthe jingle of sleighbells, "'Tis better togive than to receive," "Love thy neigh-bor as thyself," "Shop early and avoidthe rush," "For God so loved theworld," "For HER at Christmas time,""God rest ye, merrie gentlemen," "Siiiii-lent night," "- but when it comes itbrings good cheer," "- not even amouse," "PEACE ON EARTH, GOODWILL TOWARD MEN."

This last good old bromide will beespecially prominent in pulpit utter-ances and other forms of address, as asmug citizenry, having cut the throatsof neighbors in a competitive worldduring the other 364 days of the year

with as much neatness and dispatchpossible in a people with an averageI.Q. of 12.3, now gets all hotted up onthe ever popular idea of man's brother-hood to man and salves its conscienceby dropping odd change into the kettlesof street corner Santas. Over the tablesin every beer joint from the coast ofMaine to this country's opposite geog-raphical outpost will spew the inner-most thoughts of the much touted Av-erage American Citizen in re-living asone big happy family the world over.(Although America, of course, wouldnaturally be tacitly understood to re-tain its recognized position as -is it,"the greatest nation on God's greenearth?"

And several million fond parents,bubbling over with the joy of giving,will spend a few days buying toys forlittle Johnny, age 4, and will give lit-tle J. a toy gun and a toy cannon anda set of tin soldiers, and little J. willshout "Bang!" with great gusto, andpush over the soldiers as they are shotdead, and will not quite understandthe sudden fullness he feels in hisbreast as his little glands begin secret-ing an overdose of adrenalin. He mayfeel that same fullness a few yearshence when he marches away to re-save the world for democracy. OrStandard Oil. Or maybe not.

And Spanish children will also playwith their guns on Christmas Day, boys

and girls alike, but there will betoys, and there will be prayersSpain, but there will be few prieand there will be reaffirmation of fEin Spain, but there will be no rich cners, because it costs $25,000 to kiman and Zaharoff is dead but tlare always others.

While the great President of thistion, which intelligently makes ato day practice of good will toward nin the coal fields of West Virginia,textile mills of the east, and the shcropped southern fields, tours southan effort to efect a lasting peace am<the peoples of the western hemisph<three gentlemen in three Europecapitols will be reaffirming their faith]faith in themselves. Letting outstops of their personal magnetisrmagnetism which, had they brouthemselves to this country, would suly have elevated them to that pedeof public awe and esteem reserved ofor men who have been crafty enotto get rebates from railroads and elmovie stars- and turning on the treolo of national pride, they will certaland inevitably, when the time is ppitious, engulf their nations in the vwhich has been assuming proporti<steadily for the past several years.

But of course, this is really no cccern of ours. We're too smart everbe taken in again.

Merry Christmas.

p. p..

BORED WALK

"Do you notice a draft, Joe?"

On board ship-Officer: "What's the trouble, sir?

May I assist?Drunk: No answer.Ten minutes later-Officer: "Here's that deaf and dumb

man again."Drunk: "Deaf and dumb hell, I wash

hunting for the nearesht rail!"

All alone we sat there watching the11 moon rise over the distant moun-ins. One of her little hands was heldmine. Her shoulder leaned againstne; our heads were together. Tend-!y, I bent over and kissed her full.d lips. Then I . . .but what the hell!he had too much will power.

* *k *

beautiful legs are:To an artist: "Art in itself, aestheti-lly divine."To a doctor: "Limbs upon which arestened pedal extremities."To a sculptor: "Molds for immortal

Porks."To Phi Eta Sigma : "Something to

"If have my model pose with a riflein her hands."

"Why? Doing a 'Spirit of '76' pic-ture?"

"No. I can't trust myself."

"I just put your shirt on the clothes-hcrse."

'What odds did you get?"

STOP THIEF

Warden (to escaped prisoner) -Well,what kind of work are you good at, myman?

Prisoner-Exercisin' bloodhounds.

"So my necking has lost it appeal?""'Fraid so, dear. Th' kid brother

hasn't hidden behind the couch in overa week."

"Her cheeks are as fresh as a morn-

ing shave-""I'd lather be alone!""Her lips as cool as face lotion-""Tinted with alum.""And she's seen on every corner.""What's her name again?""Barbara Pole."

FRATERNITY

Another dark sorrow is joined to thesum

Cf woes that embitter life's dream;The longer the nights that are chilly

becomeThe shorter the bed-covers seem.

him Lantern-Jaw becausets up when he talks. "Jones has always had a flair for the spectacular."

11

2EDECEMBER

By JANE DILLIN

'Twas the night before Christmas,And all through the houseNot a creature was stirring,Not even a mouse.Everybody had gone home for Christ-

mas vacation.

* Now is the time when a young man'sfancy lightly turns to thoughts of love- not how to get in love, how to get outof it. Christmas-presents. Presents-money. Money-broke.

* Now is the time when we rememberthe tale of the three wisemen and wishwe had those guys grouped around uson the next economics exam.

* Now is the time when we think aboutSanta Claus coming down the chimneyand hope the gossip columnist doesn'tdo the same.

* Now is the time when we take ourtrusty pen in hand, and with the mel-low Christmas glow pervading ourheart, we prepare, like the three wise-men (men, monkeys, all the same-seeDarwin), to hear all, see all, and telleverything.

* The boys at the delt lodge were dulygratified when frosh Al Ackermanmanifested his interest in basketball bygoing out for the freshman squad. Itwas some time, however, before theydiscovered that practice sessions lastedonly from 8 to 9 rather than from 7:30to 10:30. The Loogootee (we love tospell that town) lad' is sadly missednow by the tri delts and thetas on weeknight from 9 to 10:30 . . . Kappas AnnCutshall and Ellen Alexander are carry-ing the cross (white) for sigs JimsMenefee and Adams respectively. . .If anyone overhears Betty Zinsz croon-

ing "By a Waterfall," it's because she isso happy that the deegee house is soclose to the sig alph house and Warpy.

Milt Ferguson, white hope of Sigmanu, parted company with his jewelrywhen he was home over the TurkeyDay vacash. . . . Alpha chi Betty LouFraling and a t o Bernard Gill trythe second verse of a song and dancebeyun last year. Second verse like thefirst.

* Had we been a member of the far-famed, almost forgotten Committee X,we should have decreed that the erst-while campus big shots belonging to thehat organizations wear neat little signsreading, "I wear this funny hat becauseI belong to (Sphinx, Pleiades, Skull andCrescent.)" A theta freshman, whoshall be nameless, remarked upon firstseeing sig Frank Anderson's new SphinxClub cap, "I didn't know you were inthe navy, too." . . . Delt rhine GeorgeSchilling has a never-fail system forsecuring introductions. Seated oppo-site pledge brother Gail Eldridge andzeta frosh Henrietta Ford in the libethe other day, he went through allknown contortions in trying to persuadeGail to introduce him. His pleadinghaving no avail, he finally walkedaround the table, took a seat beside thefair Henrietta, and said, "Say, what'syour name?" Since that moment theEldridge, Ford, Schilling combinationhas been working quite well. But westill contend that one Ford is notenough for two people. . . . In our lastissue we noted the pinning of sig piJimmy Raber and Mickey Tofte. Todaywe extend our congratulations on theirmarriage.

* Ditto marks again go into motion.s a e Don Heistand pins pi phi AnnBatsch for the second time. . . Tri deltpledge Unice Anderson determined togo to the Purdue game, but a Culver

friend was equally resolved that sheshould go up there that week end. It

was only after twelve long-distancecalls that he yielded to her decision.Persistent cuss, anyway..... Newt Ed-wards has finally persuaded kappa BoBulleit that the kappa sig pin is thepin for her. .. . Zeta Dorine Cavinessand theta chi pinner Bernard Kon-rady indulged in a little mud slingingaround election time against each oth-er's party. Bernard even carried thetradition so far as to throw a bit ofsticky mud through Dorine's window,planting it in a top corner of her room.The mud still clings, for Miss Cavinesspositively refuses to have anything todo with the dirt of the opposition. .. .The affair of alpha chi frosh bettyCarpenter and sig nu ditto Bob Bollumis progressing favorably.

* Sig chi play boy Jim Harris confineshis efforts to the same house, but shifts

around from girl to girl. Deegee pledgeRuth Jennins has captured his atten-

tion after his pinning with Eetty Galewent pftt. Incidentally, the Gale lass

is seeing a t o Louie Greiger very often.. ;. . Delt Al Fernandes was called

upon for a speech at the banquet fol-lowing his initiation into the shelter a

few nights ago. While all were intent-

ly awaiting the remarks of the newinitiate, Al slowly rose to his feet, seem-ing to take hours to unfold his long

legs. Finally he turned around, a.sumed a polished speaker's stance, an

began to talk. Three words comprised

his entire address, "Suits, I'm in!"IHe

sat down in the midst of tremendous

applause. . . . The steady duo of Ve

Chew and memorial Lois Jennings rsbeing threatened by the deep, dad

menace of the home town boy friend.

* Were the local s a e's embarrassed

at Purdue the morning of the gamBrothers Dan, yell leader, Bretz a

12

BORED WALK

John, politician, Tuthill were observedentering the Boilermaker library, booksunder their arms, to study! . . . Excuse

us if our tongue seems to twist on thisnext one, but allow us to point out theEhnes-Dennis combination. Kappa sigJoe Dennis is beating a path to BettyEhnes' alpha chi door, but not becauseshe makes a better mouse-trap. .To ease the fears, or hopes, of thosewho heard that sig pi "Bird Dog" Gun-ning was taken for a one-way ride in ahearse Thanksgiving, it happened thisway. Gunning was hitch-hiking to Ver-sailles to spend the vacation with pledgeWalt Smith. A few miles from theplace he had difficulty in catching ahitch, so he called Smitty to come afterhim. The senior Mr. Smith is an un-dertaker. The hearse was the onlyavailable vehicle. This accounts forKen's practice run.

* Kappa Frank Palmer is again wear-ing a kappa sig badge, Harry Young'sthis time. Those people with longmemories will recall that bouncing bau-ble of Wib Pell's for a time last year.. .Sig Ed Hixon is again in circula-tion after a short interlude with deltagamma Virginia Faye McDaniel. . . . .Tri delts Libby Ann Miller and Kath-ryn DaubenspecK decided shortly aftermidterms to fool the public by goingscholastic. They made a pact thatthey would spend every free hour be-tween eight o'clock and noon in thelibe, the cut penalty being a half doz-en roses payable to the other. Wemake no accusations, but Libby Ann'sroom has turned into a veritable flor-ist's shop.

* If our eyesight isn't doin' us wrong,some varmint resembling the oft-blamed love bug has done serious dam-age to the musical heart of Willie,Cathcart trumpeter, Hansen. We pre-dict sweeter music in the Commonswhat with Willie bein' that way aboutalpha chi pledge Julia Ann Harting.. .The poor old bridges around the camp-us just can't take it much longer. Thefirst casualty we noticed among ourwooden friends was the zeta water-hurdler. Part of the railing on eachside was knocked down. Then a railfell off the dorm bridge. Shortly after-ward one of the delta gamma structuresshowed signs of the strain, and to ourgreat dismay both deegee bridges arenow derailed. It is with greatest pleas-ure that this magazine becomes the firstto take a firm stand for covered bridges.Yours for bigger and better places tohave dates on non-date nights. .Afted s a e pledge Chuck Bogir leftschool, d u Jim Fant lost little time in

dating up alpha chi freshman ThelmaShinkle. ... It's not generally knownyet, but delta gam pledge Marge Ohm-ing is sponsoring her home townfriend's fraternity jewelry.

* Kappa pledge Betty Klamer isspending a lot of time with sig JimBob Anderson. But has she forgottenphi gam Bob Keck, last year's heart in-terest, who is attending Michigan? .. .Where Betty is, there Dick is also. Soit goes for Theta Betty Hazeltine andkappa sig prex Dick Ewing. . . . MacLemore and alpha chi Betty JaneSmith are still hand-in-h'nding it.Ain't it sweet? . . . Henceforth s a eLewis Larmore will steel his heartagainst feminine appeals for rides. Hetook tri delt Betty Carmony and degeesJane Vesey and Barbara Craw to Nap-town to see "End of Summer," and itwas almost that time before they gotback. A few miles out of the City thecar broke down. Larmore persuadeda filling station attendant to drive thegirls into Indianapolis while he fixedthe car. But alas! No fixee! His ladyfriends missed only the first act of theplay and were able to catch a rideback to Bloomington. But poor Lewishad to spend the night in the capitalcity without even seeing the play.

* Sigs eligible either for pensions orfor distinguished service medals for

keeping their pins out include Dick Mc-Cracken, whose pin still adorns pi phiHonora Rainbolt; Jack Robinson, faith-ful yet to theta Florence Scott; andRalph Thompson, whose badge kappaGenevieve Elson wore under until Sep-tenber, not fooling us much for allthat. . . . Zetas Bobby Mardis and

Jeanne Kreisle and their respective

pinners sig a e Ed Tieman and phi deltGeorge Wrasse toddled up to Indianap-olis the other Sunday eve to hear JoeSaunders. They were only a week late.

* This month's bouquet of hand-pickedarbutuses (or is it arbuti?) is awardedjointly to sig nu Bill Thompson andalpha chi Fran Worrell. They met lateThursday morning. Bill called hertwice Thursday night. They had a dateFriday night. She took his pin Satur-day night. Thursday, Friday, Saturday.One, two, three. Our head is stillswimming.

* We reach into our Christmas stock-ing, find a hole in the toe, and concludethat the gossip has just about bored onthrough. Bored Walk- get it! That'sall kiddies, and may Santa find yourfireplace while the angels are caroling"Peace on earth, good will to men."Merry Christmas!

"It's a pain in the neck, but I've got to humor the folks."

13

DECEMBER

* About Sports-Basketball Is With

Us Again

By A. G. OLOFSON

Already triumphantly supreme over

the Midwest by virtue of their fine

play last season, Coach Everett Dean's

basketball stars will seek new courts to

rule during the Christmas holidays. In-

tersectional battles will find the Indi-

ana University "Hustling Hoosiers"roaming far afield before they settle

down for a defense of the Western Con-

ference basketball crown which theywon last year. When Indiana Univer-

sity schedule-makers pick intersectionalbattles they certainly do not pick any"soft touches."

For example, Coach Dean's protegeswill play host to the Kansas State quin-tet on the Fieldhouse court December14, and they will travel east for a battlewith the powerful Manhattan CollegeJaspers on December 19 in MadisonSquare Garden in New York City. Thefollowing Monday will find the I. U.basketball squad stopping off at Phila-delphia for a battle with the redoubt-able Villanova College five. Back homefor Christmas, Indiana will resume itsannual court warfare with the best inthe Midwest on New Year's Day bymeeting Butler at Indianapolis. BigTen teams will supply most of the oppo-sition for the remainder of the season.

The December 19th battle in NewYork City should mark the first realcrisis in Indiana's victory march. Firstof all, Manhattan will have all five ofthe stars whose stellar play last yearraised the Kelly Green banner of Man-hattan to the top of the Eastern cham-pionship flagpole, with a fine recordof seventeen triumphs in nineteen con-tests. The next factor to consider isthat Indiana's team will be making itsdebut on the Madison Square Gardencourt with its tricky glass backboards,whereas the Manhattanites will beplaying in familiar surroundings. Formany of the I.U. boys it will be theirfirst visit to New York, and althoughthe Hoosiers are accustomed to largecrowds, the 19,000 fans who will jamthe three tiers of the Garden will un-doubtedly have some effect on theCrimson and Cream play.

All of the star Midwestern teamswhich have played on the MadisonSquare Garden court for the first timehave had considerable difficulty in ad-

justing themselves to the transparentbackboards. Just how well Indiana'sfast-breaking sharpshooters become ac-customed to these conditions will great-ly influence the final outcome of thebattle.

Another factor which should be tak-en into consideration is the differencein interpretation of rules. AlthoughNed Irish, promoter of the now-popu-lar double-headers in the Garden, hasmade every effort to equalize conditionsfor intersectional opponents by select-ing an official from each region repre-ented, still there is much dissention

over the decisions rendered. Thechief controversy rages over the inter-pretation of the "block" or "pick-off"rule. Many midwestern teams rely on"pick-off" plays which are declared il-legal by Eastern officials.

Despite all of these important nega-tive factors Indiana should put on quitea show for the New York fans. Co-captains Vernon Huffman and KenGunning will be leading a flashy,speedy attack. Fred "Reach" Fecht-man, regular 6' 7" center of the 1935-36title team, will be back at his accus-tomed past, but the vacancies at for-

Cot~cH E. 5. 'JE 2A A

ward and guard left by the graduationof Wendell Walker and Lester Stoutwill be filled from the ranks of return-ing veterans and promising sophomores.

The other returning lettermen are"Babe" Hosler, center; Willie Silber-stein, forward; Joe Platt, guard, andBob Etnire, forward. Bill Johnson and"Junie" Andres, stars of the great Jef-ferson high school team who sparkledon the frosh squad last winter, are thetwo promising sophomore candidates.Both of these rising stars will see plen-ty of action before the year is over.

Co-captain Vernon Huffman, all-Conference guard last year, missedearly season practice this year becausehe was busy performing on Bo McMil-lins powerful football squad. He didnot join the basketball men until thefirst of this month, but because of hisfine condition Huffman soon caught upwith his fast-stepping mates. Huffman'sall-around play last year was univers-ally acclaimed by Conference coaches.Nine of the ten Western Conferencementors picked Indiana's star guard fortheir first Conference team selection.

Ken Gunning, high scorer of theteam last year, also lost out on earlybasketball practice because of football.The flashy forward went out for thegridiron sport for the first time thisyear and turned in several long gainsduring his few minutes of action. Inthe Centre game Gunning scored atouchdown three plays after he enteredthe contest. Because of his tremendousspeed, Ken will be one of the chiefspark-plugs of the I. U. team this year.

Iowa opens Indiana's Big Ten sched-ule on January 4 when they invadeBloomington. Indiana travels to Chi-cago on the 9th and to Champaign onthe 11th to meet Illinois. The biggame of the season comes cn January16th when Purdue's Boilermakers in-vade Bloomington for their first bas-ketball game with Indiana in the lasttwo years. Because of the Conferencerotating system of scheduling the twobitter rivals did not meet last winter,and ended in a tie for the Conferencecrown with eleven victories and one

defeat apiece. Little needs be said

about the importance of any Purdue-Indiana game. Just come early and try

to avoid the rush!

The Ohio State game on January 18th

will be Fechtman's last Conference ap-pearance as his three years of compe-tition ends with the close of the first

semester. Just who will replace the

elongated Hoosier pivot man is a ques-

tion yet to be answered.

During the second semester Indiana

must face Iowa, Chicago, Ohio State,

Michigan, Ilinois, Purdue and Michigan

in that order.

14

BORED WALK

1936 LIGGETT & MYERS TOBACCO CO.

15

T£1JGGfT/1

~rfRS

'ti!y. 77,@gCC CQ

rr.._Ii9YWWV _.

DECEMBER

Hark, Lark the DoorA Drama Without Sex

Time: Little Xmas Eve(a)

Personnel: Musselin, Stalin, Hitler andthe Yellow Peril

ACT ONE(MAWSCOW)

Slugger Stalin: Merry Christmas,Bumpemoff, have you received thatshipment of three-dollar bombs asyet?

Bumpemoff: Yeah, Slugger, they'redown at the post office. We can get'em as soon as we pay the freightcharge.

Stalin: How's everything coming alongwith our proposed new World Warwhich will make the world safe forCommunism?

Bumpemoff: Staley, ol' fella, every-thing is tops. Of course, we had todiscontinue the schools, the old-agepension, raise the taxes and cut outthe hospitals; but I think that we'llhave enough to buy those airplanes,battleships and cannon.

Stalin: This is the day that I've beenwaiting for; a war that will put o1,Staley and Russia up on the heap.The only thing left to do now is togo to the United States and pull asob story about democracy and we'llpick off a few billion bucks and acouple million men. That's one thingI like about America, they never col-lect their bills.

ACT TWO(ROAM)

Musselin: Merry Christmas, Spumone,how's tricks? Has that shipment ofairplanes come in yet?

Spumone: Yeah, Mussy, all we have todo now is smuggle them across theborder. But things are going greatguns.

Musselin: How are all the little Black-shirts getting by? Are they absorbingthat hokum about a new Italian Em-pire which will make Caesar's looklike a sandpile?

Spumone: Benny, it's a cinch. All thefruit salesmen are really falling forthis "Make the world safe for Fas-cism" and all that goo. If we canonly sink one of America's eight bil-

lion on the cuff. You know you can'trun a war on soap coupons. Ourcredit's pretty good ever since youand your valiant men went into Ethi-opia armed only with tanks, gas, ma-chine guns and airplanes and bumpedoff those tough aborigines who hadbows and arrows.

Benny: That's great, Spumone, Dicta-tor of the world is my next step.Well, good night and peace on earth(he! he!)

ACT THREE(BURRLIN)

One-Round Hitler: Wie gehts, CountLiverwurst, old propagandist, how'sthe spy system coming along?

Count: It goes great, One-Round. Atpresent we have no less than 85 coun-tries ready to split each others'throats.

Hitler: I'm glad to hear it. I figuredthat by the deduction process onlyGermany and little Adolph will beleft to get in the dough. By the way,

7

have the school teachers started mak-ing the pupils sing three verses toDeutscheland Uber Alles instead oftwo?

Count: I've been pulling the old Aryansuperiority on the local 'boys and theyreally take it in. I figure that wecan whip up an army of about eightmillion little Dutchmen in no timeat all.

Hitler: Have you mentioned our littleslogan, "Make the world safe for Naz-ism?"

Count: It has 'em in an uproar.

Hitler: Have a drink, count. Now tonick the Americans for a bit ofdough to start the argument. MerryChristmas, my little helper, and gutnicht.

ACT FOUR(NEW YORK)

John H. Citizen: I wonder if we'll bein the next war?

Gus Q. Public: H-LL no, they neverthink about us after we won the lastone, and besides we're too smart.

ACT FIVE(UNITED STATES

Newsboy: Wuxtra! Wuxtra! Americadeclares war to make the world safefor boondogglers! Wuxtra- -- -

" e w rr i

"He reviewed the whole army and rigor mortis set in."

16

l/

We Defy You toIdentify These Mugs

If you do, hive us the lowdown;

we don't know either.

1. Nursemaid to the 1937 Arbutus. Incidentally, a Kappa Sig.2. Mortar Board, ZTA and what not, this little gal has long

been known in connection with the World's greatest col-lege daily.

3. Kappa Alpha Theta's "Blonde Bombshell" with the southernaccent.

4. One of Coach Dean's playboys who slopped in more basketsthan most other gents in the conference, also played foot-ball, baseball, track and Sig Pi.

5. This lad just finished one of the greatest football careers inthe musty annals of the Cream and Crimson. He plays astellar game on the hardwood and hails from over 10th St.

6. The other fellow with the chin-broom is the stalwart of thebusiness staff of the Arbutus, goes artiste behind thefootlights at times and is a Phi Psi.

7. One of the faster boys (this is easy), he is reputed to havescampered some 800 miles during his career on the track,was a member of the Olympic track squad, parks the bodyout Delta Chi way.

8. A little Pi Phi tyke, Pleides and what not, comes from some-where in old Wyoming.

9. One of the more popular gals on the campus, blonde, cute,personality, you can get in touch with her at the Kappahouse.

10. Behind that mustache stands the Jan Garber of the Quad.He flings the baton at many of the campus shuffles.

11. The little kid with the wings is, among other things, amember of mortar board, Theta Sig, and Pleides. TheKappas claim her as one of the sisters in the bond.

12. We'll admit this is a tough one, but the dove-like individ-ual is a past Arbutus beauty queen, a Pleides kid and aChi O.

13. The boy with the bomb is a track man, Blue Key and everSO many things, and hangs on the nose-bag at the Lambda

Chi lodge.14. No Elrod, that is not General Grant cooling his dogs, but

in reality it is a member of last year's Prom Committeeand prexy of the D.G. gals.

15. You'd never guess.16. Aeons, Union Board, Delta Tau, President of lots of classes,

there's really nothing that he hasn't been including afootball letterman.

17. Another one of the quad-kids, she is a dainty little numberwho wears the golden lyre and spends all of her timewith one of the 6th and Indiana lads.

(If interested, see page 23)

DECEMBER

* TiitrF WAmuIN --To the Ladies, at

Christmas

By DAVE COOMBS

Now is the TIME forall you gals to come

to the aid of this fellaClaus. It seems that bothChristmas and Prosperityat just around the corner.... So get goin'. What togive! Oh, dear What togive! Really, girls, it isn't

as difficult as you may think. Take itfrom a guy who has been wrappinggifts for several long years, these virilemales LIKE things to wear. We hearthem every day beefing about acuteshortages of shirts, ties, sox, pajamas,etc, etc. Wails of longing for a hotnew sweater that Esquire is sponsoringor a nifty new dress set that their fav-orite clothier is showing fall upon ourears daily. Fill HIS pair of size 12socks with smart wearing apparel andyou'll have him around your pretty neckin less time than it takes to say maRay Hutton. And here's a tipdon't let sizes bother you. Just give theclerk a thumb-nail sketch of Uncle El-mer or Cousin Willie and he will havethe necessary information at his fingertips. Exchanges after Christmas, ofcourse, always are in order. You can'tdo him wrong.

PAJAMAS are "naturals" at Christ-mas time. Sizing is easy (A-B-C-

D) and appreciation great. Englishcoat styles and lounge models withsash around are most acceptable. Hereis one spot in which you can let yourconscience be your guide ... . buy COL-

OR . . . . he'll go for it in a big way.Blazer stripes .. . paisley designs andall-over patterns are "right." Girls,here is your big chance to contributeto the gayety of the night-life of thenation on a sane and safe basis.

MAY WE SUGGEST

$2. or less will buy hand-some initialed handker-chiefs.. . . colorful neck-ties .. . . buckle-and-beltsets . . . . socks in silk,

wool, lisle or rayon . . . .tie chains . . . shirts-and-shot..... braces.

$5. or less will buy finely tailoreshirts- in smart, new patterns, or plainwhite . . .. pajamas with Faultless Nobelt Waistband that let a man sleep icomfort . . . . silk or wool mufflers ..sweaters . . . . sport jackets . .leather gloves . . . . a new set of cuflinks and studs.

Or Let Yourself Go - for a new silkor flannel robe. ... a suede jacket .. .luxurious silk pajamas. Here's a reaidea: Select a nice group of things twear- several shirts with harmonizingties and hose, some pajamas, and underwear; or a gay sports ensemble, including jacket- muffler, and glovesGet the idea?

TrHE Christmas TIE is as famous inthe annals of our country as the

Battle of Bunker Hill or Mrs. Astor'splush horse. Many is the wag who hasgarnered a reputation for "slayin' 'em"by building a nifty around the holidaycravat. Don't let these gags botheryou, though ... there isn't a man whowalks in shoe leather who couldn't usea few more neck pieces. Now-a-daysthe smart men's shops choose theirholiday neckwear with even more cau-tion than they do for other seasons.He'll light up like a Christmas treewhen he sees that clever new tie thatyou and Santa have given him. Nofoolin'.

In closing, fair ladies, may thisment and Bored Walk wish yoiNEAT BUT NOT GAUDY CH]MAS.

18

BORED WALK

CHRISTMAS IS LOUSY

A Story in Which Pop Tries to TellLittle Edgar, age 6, About Santa Claus,but the Trouble Is Edgar Knows tooMuch.Part One- Edgar Bisbehaves:

"Pop, I wanna nickel!""Edgar be quiet.""Pop, I wanna nickel!""Pop, GIMME A NICKEL!""Edgar, what will Santa say?""Santa? He's just a mug what forgot

to shave.""No, Edgar, Santa is a very nice man

who brings you presents at Christmastime."

"Jeez, pop, presents?""Yes, Edgar, trains, and candy, and

toys, and all kinds of nice things forgood little boys. You can have any-thing you want from Santa."

"Jeez, pop, rifles and pistols, and

everything?""Yes, Edgar.""I wanna nickel, pop.""Do you know who Santa is, Edgar?""Sure, I just told ya he's a big fat

bloke with a big belly and long whisk-ers."

"Edgar, now, he's a very nice manand he comes from the North Pole andhe makes toys all year so he can comeon Christmas eve and bring good littlechildren toys and nice things."

"I wanna nickel!""He comes in a sleigh drawn by rein-

deer and comes down the chimneywhen everyone is asleep and puts thegifts on the Christmas tree."

"Do ya expect me to believe that,pop?"

"Certainly, Edgar.""Jeez, pop, you must think I'm dumb.""But Edgar, all little boys believe in

Santa Claus.""Aw, there ain't no Santa Claus.""There most certainly is, Edgar.""There ain't.""There is, Edgar.""There ain't!""There is!""There ain't!""There is!""Ain't!""Is!"

"Ain't!""Is!""Ain't!"

Just then a shot rang out. Pop hadtaken the old family musket and endedit all.Part Two- Edgar Has Misgivings:

Edgar stod looking at his pop whows lying on the floor, wounded and

ng, with the smoking musket by hisside as he had dropped it.

bEgar looked sorrowfully at the bodybee him- He turned and said, "AwI wanna nickel!"

-Bonsib.

"I saw five of your fraternity broth-ers at the show last night."

"Gee, I didn't know you knew thatmany."

"I don't. I recognized your shirts."

THANKS FOR THE SWELL PIPE,SON

When a girl is growing like a weedit's hard to keep the rakes away fromher.

OPENTHAT OTHER

PACKAGE,DAD

"Why doesn't Andy go into law?""Aw, you know Andy, he never could

pass a bar."

Two rather well-dressed inebriateswere lugubriously chatting at the wat-er's edge. One fell in. "Help! Help!"he yelled. "I can't swim a shtroke."

The other disdainfully looked at him,brushed an imaginary speck off hissleeve and sat down to watch thestruggle. "What're you gripin' about?You've got a fine chanshe to learn."

SAY, THIS- TASTES

GREAT t

RIGHT! THAT'SWHAT WESMOKE BACI

AT COLLEGE

YOU YOUNGSTERSSURE KNOW YOU BET!TOBACCO EDGEWORTH JR.

MA KES ANY

.- ' ~PIPE TASTE

- ' GOOD--CLEARIDOWNE MTO

,, TH E H E EL ! '

"I know a smoothie who wants a few

tickets for this evening's performance.""Reserved?""Gosh, no. Far from it."

"I hear Mike got in trouble at the

bank.""How?""Oh, he thought he was still in col-

lege and began taking notes."

- . . and one inside white paraffinwrapper from a tin of Edgeworth Jr.

IN YOUR COLLEGE COLORSWe offer this $1.00 English Type Fold-ing Pouch in Rep Cloth with Rubber-ized Liner for only 10¢ and one wrapperto persuade you to try Edgeworth Jr.Buy a tin today. Send the inside wrap-per and your dime together with thiscoupon (or print your name, collegeand address on the wrapper)-and wewill send pouch immediately. Onlyone to a customer.

Vacuum-freshtins.

Sj TIMELY TIP: If dad's a steady pipesmoker, get him a special Xmas package ofEdgeworth Rteady-Rubbed or Plug Slice.If he smokes both a pipe and cigarettes,get him this laminated "Cellophane" Xmaspackage of Edgeworth Junior.

a o a-a-

SPECIAL' \INTRODUCTORY OFFERa Larus & Bro. Co., Richmond, Va.' Enclosed find1O# and one inside white paraffin

wrapper from a tin of Edgeworth Jr. Send me'a $1.00 value silk tobacco pouch. (Please print.)

' Nam

I Addres;CitySte

I' COLLEGE,Offer good for only 30 days

.MM *aa a MMa-aU -MMM

19

0EDECEMBER

WHAT ABOUTTHESE

WOMEN

(Our friend, the campus newspaperIDS, carried a column, "what aboutthese men?" which seems partial. Maywe add our humble bit?)

Thou, o' gaily coloured female, artthe seat of all evil. Yea verily the G-men spake "Look for the woman," forthou art the seat of crime. Thoustandeth a man up and sitteth downupon him. Thou eateth most heartilyon dates, explaining in the meantimethy diet, to which thou aver tenderallegiance, albeit from the looks ofthings thy allegiance is confined to pat-riotism. Cryest thou aloud, o' littlewoman, when the male is late, butthou passionate fury, dost think littleof preparing lessons thrice afore slink-ing down the steps to thy awaiting date.Sappho played and sung, Nero fiddled,

but thou, woe to us, dost but talk.And talk. And talk.

Thy smile, thou thinketh, makeththe query, "Who may your dentist be?I too wouldst a set like thine!" Butwe, chivalric in spite of thy sophisti-cated poo-poo, refrain from such, forpoliteness' sake.

Thy conversing, (we mean no harm)dost confine itself to the trite and triv-ial and though we be light-hearted atthe time, thy mumbles fall as liquor onan empty stomach. Babe Ruth, thousayest, slew Goliath; Jonah swallowedLincoln; and a graduated tube is adrunk at Commencement. Woe be untous, to seek that which to say, save togive unearned flattery to a date whohaunts us.

Thou cracketh off at our dancing!At least, thou fickle maid, we do notseek impression by languid eyes, plast-ered and cemented, nor by lips withoutvestige of natural colour, nor hair thricehennaed and interspersed with bought-en stuff. Nor doth we falsify by apol-ogy for trodden feet in smiling likeyou, when full well thou knowest inthy hearts doth brew murder.

Little dost thou know our prayerarises, "Lord! Give us girls like Pettypaints them!"

-Bewildered.

"You know Mabel Jones, who cameto the Artists' Ball dressed as a coffeecan? Well I asked her to go two weeksago."

"What was the matter? Too late?""Yeah; she was 'dated'."

Bob says he'll have no trouble naminghis first baby, because he's going tocall it quits.

"Daddy, what makes your nose sored. Did the witches pinch it when youwere a baby,"

"No, my boy, but the spirits did."

* * *

Like a bad piano player,The drunkard seems to be,

For, however hard he tries,He can never find the key.

"Officer, there's a Santa Claus lyingon the walk outside."

Drunk?""Not yet-are you?"

"Well, how'd you like her?""She's a darn rough-neck.""Did you think so? It seemed easy

to me last week."

Neck- that part of the anatomy be-tween the head and shoulders.

Cuddle- a small cud, as in cow.Kiss- that which is given by girls, un-

doubtedly in the employ of shirtlaundries.

Slip- a mistake, an error; woman'slingerie. "Slips that Pass in theNight,"- slips here of course refersto mistakes. Ah- of course.

Hose- that which is susceptive to run-ners; especially dash-men.

Baton Ro-ige- a city in Louisiana; crbattin' rouge, a past-time associatedwith kissing.

** *

"I am closing out my stock," said thefarmer, as he put up a wire fence.

* * *

She: Darling, if we were sitting hereand a large lion jumped out of thebushes would you do anything?

He: Hell no, let the lion look out forhimself.

"That's his third fumble in ten minutes."

20

BORED WALK

Don't Squeak--* When the cook serves

hash the third straight

day

" When you're still

hungry after lunch

* When you've only thirty

cents for the Sunday

night meal.

DON'T SQUEAK:

TRY

TNCAh LES

"The man who marries my daughterwill get a prize."

"Cash in advance?"

-Punch Bowl.

rst we talked religionAnd then we spoke of war,aen we held each other's handsAnd settled down to talk some more.

e went into discussionOf the whys and wherefores,i1 tenderly we kissedAnd then took up the therefores.

re rambled on for hoursIn aimless conversation,Gae gaps of silence

ye our kises increased animation.

re soon were curled togetheren the divan soft and deep,"en I heard her softly whisper:

s four, my love; you fell asleep."

-Puppet.

He-"You're a nice girl."She-"Yes, and I'm getting sick and

tired of it,"

She No. 1-I'm forgetting men.She No. 2- So am I. I'm for get-

ting a couple of them as soon as poss-ible.

-Gargoyle.

Caller-IsLittle bay

married.

your mother engaged?-Yes, in fact I think she's

-Pointer.

Cinderalla-Godmother, must I leavethe ball at twelve?

The Good Fairy-You'll not go at allif you don't stop swearing.

-Gargoyle.

He -She certainly i polished, don't

you think?She-Yeah, everything she says casts

a reflection.-Window.

He-Can I take you home?She-Sure, where do you live?

-Whirl Wind.

"So you had a date with a collegeguy?"

"No, I tore my dress on a nail."-Jester.

He-"You've a faculty for makinglove."

She-"No, just a student body."-Jester.

"When are you going to pay me thoseten iron men you owe me?"

"When did I borrow money fromyou?"

"Once when you were drunk.""Well, I paid you back.""When?""Once when you were drunk."

-Widow.

Don't NeglectYour Teeth

Neglected teeth ruin yourlooks and health. Most de-cay takes place at night.Always wash your teethwell before retiring. Havethem examined before theyache.

Decayed or missing teethrob you of your ability tomeet the public well.

Scientific Treatment

for Infected GumsCrowns, Fillings and

Bridgework of the bestmaterials

Difficult ExtractionsMADE EASY

DR. NOLANDPhone 5666 East side of square

WHENDOWNTOWN--

Refresh yourself in ourmodern, convenient

Restaurant

Drinks for allOccasions

" Delicious home madeCandies

Koulis GrilleEAST SIDE SQUARE

21

2EDECEMBER

"Waiter, there's a button in my soup."

"Typographical error, sir. It shouldhave been mutton."

A small lad was hurrying to schoolone morning and praying for aid:"Please God, don't let me be late. Pleasehelp me hurry."

He travelled a short distance whenhe stumbled and fell. Then he stoodup and said: "Dammit, you don't haveto shove."

-Dodo.

Lady-So you are on a submarine, tellme, what do you do?

Sailor-Oh, I run forward and holdher nose when we're going to dive.

-Log.

"Do you know that girl?"

"Oh, just a nodding acquaintance."

"What do you mean-nodding?"

"Nodding doing."-Caveman.

You would not pan

The jokes we use,

Could you but see

Those we refuse! ! !-Temple Owl.

The undertakers very smart,

He'll never need the dole;

For he gets rich when other folks

Are going in the hole.-Old Line.

1st-George'slaugh.

2nd- Yes, it

moustache makes me

tickled me too.-Puppet.

Customer (in drug store on Sundaymorning)- Please give me change fora dime.

Druggist- Here you are. I hope youenjoy the sermon.

-Widow.

Critic: What does that picture repre-sent?

Artist: Satan's daughters.

Critic: Oh, Hell's Belles, eh?-Dirge.

WE put BOSSY 9gon a Pedestal.T HEY'RE a hand picked lot ..... these cows that

furnish Johnson's Milk. No one knows betterthan Johnson's that GOOD milk can come only fromGOOD cows.

They are checked and rechecked . . .. the farms theylive on are scrubbed and shining.

They're a pampered lot, used to constant tests and asupervised diet.

A lot of fuss over a cow? Sure but it's worth it!

DON'T Take Chances - USEq

SAFE Dairy Pt

22

BORED WALK

Feel like singing?Or celebrating?

Hot hoof it to THE QUAD:You'll find congenial company

QUADSANDWICH SHOP

"My room-mate says there are somethings a girl should not do before twen-ty."

"Well, personally, I don't enjoy alarge audience either."

-Puppet.

"Hey, you guys, cut out that swear-ing; I've got a lady in my room."

-Varieties.

An old darky approached the minis-ter cautiously and lightly tapped himon the shoulder.

"Parson, suh," he said, "Ah wants youall to pray for me. Ah's in a bad way,suh."

"Well Rastus, what's wrong withYou?"

"Suh, ah's got a floating kidney, Ahhas, suh."

"But Rastus," replied the minister, "Ican't pray for physical things like that;I only pray for spiritual things."

"You all can't pray for a floating kid-ney? Then how come you all prayedlast Sunday for the loose livers?'

-Pointer.

Carol at theQuad

Nurse-I think he's regaining con-sciousness, doctor, he just tried to blowthe foam off his medicine.

-Yellow Jacket.

"What brand is that cigarette?""Baseball special.""There ain't no such brand.""Sure there is. It was a grounder and

I picked it up."-Battalion.

* * *

I wish I were a kangaroo,Despite his funny stances;

I'd have a place to put the junkMy girl brings to the dances.

-Panther.

GIVEargusCANDID CAMERA

"I heard that Mae West picturewasn't so good."

"Yeh, a big bust!"

She-Say, it's past midnight. Do youthink you can stall here all night?

He-Gosh, I'll have to telephonemother first.

-Jack 'o Lantern.

* * *

When a girl starts climbing the lad-der of success there's generally a manat the bottom of it.

* * *

"Miss Jones, meet Mr. Nelson.""Oh, are you the famous half?"

-Junch Bowl.

Max: "I'm working over at the ma-ternity ward these days."

Climax: "Really, how is it?"Max: "Oh, they just kid the life out

of me."-Dirge.

You said It, SportSaid the first Dionne to the second:"Don't look now, but I think we're

being followed."-Mountain Goat.

KEY TO PANEL

1. Wilbur Pell

2. Eleanor Jones

3. Helen Higgenbotham

4. Kenneth Gunning

5. Vernon Huffman

6. Verling Pierson

7. Don Lash

8. Hortense Zaring

9. Florence Woods

10. Ted Nering

11. Jean McGriff

12. Marian Johnson

13. Allan Weir

14. Charlotte Lowey

15. The spirit of 4,563 students

16. Ray Fox

17. Lois Lawson

THE

CHRISTMASGIFT THAT GIVES A LIFETIME

OF PLEASURE

The first Christmas it has beenpossible to give the gift every-body wants-a candid camera.And it's so new there is no chanceof duplication.

The Argus is easy to use. Aim it-snap the shutter and you haveyour picture. It's simple as that.Fast f 4.5 lens gets night shots,pictures on dark days. Shutterspeed 1/25 to 1/200 second;stops fast action. Uses inexpen-sive 35 millimeter film-36exposures without reloading.With the new colorfilm, theArgus takes beautiful naturalcolor shots. There is, also, aComplete line of $1250Argus Accessories.

Wiles Drug Co.

23

DECEMBER

4

Save 2.25SIGN NOW AND AVOID THE RUSH

A COMPLETE,

ARTISTIC RECORD

INDIANA

ARBUTUSPRESENTS

LASTING ANDOF LIFE ON THE

CAMPUS

* *

If you send your card in NOW, you have until January 1 topay $3.75 at the ticket office in the basement of the bookstore.From January 1 to April 1 the price will be $4.50, then theprice goes up to $6.00.

ARBUTUSIndiana University

- 1937Yearbook

The 1937

*

24

BORED WALK

Solicitous (but bashful) Boy- Areyou cold, Miss Brown?

Cold (but despairing) Girl-Yes.Boy-Want my coat?Girl (coyly) -Yes, but don't take it

cff just now.

* * *

Captain-Don't give up the ship.Seasick passenger-No, I didn't eat

that.

"I'm wild and romantic.marry me and reform me?"

"Well. I'll marry you."

Will you

The girl who smiles when things gowrong is generally the girl with theprettiest teeth.

** *

Wife of Dying Man-Is there no hopedoctor?

Doctor (diplomatically) - Well, whatwere you hoping for?

"Boy, I sure had a swell time withthat balloon dancer I met last night.We laughed ourselves sick."

"How come?""Oh, the balloon was filled with

laughing gas."

* * *

"Are you going to marry her, Joe?""No; she's got a coarse laugh."Funny. I'd never noticed.""You would have, if you'd been there

when I proposed."

* * *

"May I take the liberty-" ran thenote the convict threw over his shoul-der as he scaled the wall.

"My boy, it is1placed on your

"Thanks, Dad.sight."

high time a check wasperformances."

Make it payable on

"You, sir," shouted the Gamma 0,"you are no patriot."

"What if I ain't?" retorted the SigmaZ, "election's over, ain't it?"

An IncomeTrust Estate

An Income Trust Estate ad-ministered by the EquitableLife of Iowa provides absolutesafety and guarantees againstshrinkage of principal. It car-ries out the will of the insuredto the letter extending his be-nevolences exactly accordingto his directions.

Without probate of willWithout legal feesWithout delayWithout adminstration feesWithout contest of will

Insure in the Equitable Lifeof Iowa and let the mailmanwho brings the monthly billsalso bring the check withwhich to pay them.

BERG, HARRIS& O'HAVER

LIFE INSURANCE &ANNUITIES

with Disability Income

202 Kresge Bldg. Tel. 2754Bloomington, Ind.

[All life insurance should b1bought for a specific purpose.]

EIjIC LIEP

OF W

Founded 1867Home Office: Des Moines

"Jeez, Ironpan, you're lighter than you was in St. Looie."

25

DECEMBER

In INDIANAPOLISIdeally located i n

the heart of downtownshops HOTEL WASH-INGTON is just a stepfrom everythingworth while.

SingleRooms

With bath

$2.00

Rooms

Without bath

$1.50

With bath

$3.50 up

J J 'J:1"truthfully a

food hotel"

Tablecloth Cafeteriafrom

7 A. M. to 2 P. M.

CAFE SERVICE FROM5 P.M. to 8 P.M.

60c & 75c

Garage Serviceat

Hotel Entrance

Get the

Washington Habit

ACK

"My father sent me to college to attain the culturaladvantages which he missed."

Little Rollo once had a date withthree beautiful women-the lucky stiff.He took them all to a movie. Just tobe safe in case of a fire he saw to itthat they sat near an exit. This wasn'texactly a case of putting all his eggs inone basket-it was a case of putting allhis bass in one exit.

Until the advent of firearms, manyweddings were a case of beau and error.

-Punch Bowl.

There was a guy in our school,And wondrous dumb was he;

Caught cheating on a history quiz,He lost his passing D.

And when he saw the grade was lossWith all his might and main,

He cheated on the make-up quizAnd got it back again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts:I'm in love with a man but h+

to marry him because he just carchildren.

Gosh, just how much do youfrom a man?

A city and a chorus girlAre much alike 'tis true;A city's built with out-skirts,

Little Audrey went out rday. When he stopped thelaughed and laughed becausehe was only her brother.

26