The Secret of Emotions

Seeing emotions as a Zen parable

By: Racheli Wittert-Ashur

How to overcome pathologic grief and handle our emotions

with the help of psychotherapy and the training of Chi

Kung and Zen.

We all know emotions play an important role in our life.

We all heard that in order to lead a rich and meaningful

life, we should be “in touch” with our emotions.

So why is expressing our true feelings so hard sometimes?

“I never told him how much I loved him…” the character

says and starts to weep, just after he/she hears a

beloved one passed away. Haven’t we’ve seen this scene in

countless movies? It makes us feel so sorry for the

character, and at the same time, we promise ourselves we

would never do that mistake.

I certainly didn’t know how to deal with my emotions and

how to express them.

Where are our emotions located?

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When I was 9 years old I lost my beloved brother who was

killed in battle. I was left shuttered and heartbroken.

It was as if a huge hand came down from the sky and

crushed me.

Funnily enough, my mind, my thoughts or my intellect,

kept on working. I asked questions and I looked for

answers, my mind became very powerful; I could understand

complex ideas and at early age read many books of

literature and philosophy. But the biggest mystery of

life remained – my self. My inner emotional world was a

locked box to me. I had an emotional blockage that grew

inside of me and cast a shadow on my internal world.

Furthermore, I didn’t trust the world any more. If the

world could take away my wonderful, loving brother, then

there is no certainty in anything.

I felt betrayed and deceived, feeling insignificant and

worthless. I felt torn or separated from the world.

Years later, I would realize I suffered from what is

called a spiritual crisis, but as a 9 years old I simply

thought – that’s the real world, cruel and painful.

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This spiritual crisis would be the last thing I would

overcome.

My situation was severe, my inner world was locked up in

trauma, and I had no trust in the outside world. There

was no flow in my life, nor in the inside world and nor

from the outside. I was at risk.

During my teen years, I became an artist, hoping that

through painting or writing I would discover “my self”

and get to know myself better. But all my work left me

still puzzled; I had no idea – Who I was.

According to Chinese medical philosophy our emotions are

energy that travels in channels through our body. The

Chinese call this energy of life – Chi.

The chi is the energy that enables us to perform all the

activities that are necessary for our wellbeing. It

circulates in the body, in a network of channels

(meridians) and thereby there is no difference between

the chi, or energy, that moves in our head to energy that

moves in our stomach, the only difference is in the

route. It’s the same as if we have a wonderful watering

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system in our garden. The water is the same water, but

they will travel in different pipes and thus water all

the trees.

Emotions are the same as the water. Actually, there is no

“anger” or “happiness” located in the body. The feeling

will emerge as the chi travels vigorously in a specific

route in our body. If it travels through the Liver

channel, we will call that energy – anger, and if it

travels in the Kidney channel we will call it – fear.

Please see this diagram that shows how the organs and

emotions are related, according to the Chinese

philosophy.

The diagram is taken from “The Art of Chi Kung” – by Wong

Kiew Kit p. 50:

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This diagram shows the interrelations and correspondence

between the organs and emotions. We see that there is a

continuous flow of energy between all major “organs” and

“emotions”. Please note that when we talk about “organs”

or “emotions” we are actually talking about the energy

process of that whole system. We are dealing with a flow

of energy and not with a specific point or area of the

body. For example the energy path that is called the

Heart channel – travels from the arm pit, down the arm

and ends at the little finger of the hand or the Liver

channel travels from the toes up through the legs and to

the chest area. But at the end, all energy paths are

connected and interrelated.

Chinese medicine sees no gap between the physical and the

emotional aspects of the human being. Therefore a problem

in the Spleen (and Stomach) channel will make the

person tend to worry and vice versa – a person who tends

to be over-worried will have problems in his digestion

system. As a simplified example, we can say that a

Chinese physician will diagnose a problem in the Liver

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energy system for both a person who suffers from

uncontrolled outbursts and a person who suffers from high

cholesterol. He will treat both people with special

herbs, acupuncture and give them specific Chi Kung

exercises to clear the blockage on the Liver channel.

So, if emotions are a flow of energy, does it mean they

have no “home” in the body? How can that be?

We can ask the same question about the water we use in

our garden. Do they belong to the pipe? Maybe they belong

to the tree? Maybe they live in the faucet? Or maybe they

live in the ocean or in the rain cloud?

We know that all the above are options, it all depends on

the way we look at the situation and on the time we

choose to look. The truth is that emotions are energy

traveling in our body, as the ancient masters said. The

truth is that we are the home in which the emotions are

being manifested.

How many emotions can we feel in one day?

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One day, while I was on the bus to work, I noticed a cat

running across the road. A taxi came rushing by from the

opposite direction and almost hit the cat. When I saw the

cat jumping to the sidewalk, all in one piece, a long

sigh of relief escaped my lips. I heard other passengers

sighing as well. My heart was beating heavily, but when I

looked again at the cat, a split of a second after its

miraculous escape from under the taxi’s wheels; I

couldn’t believe my eyes, it was sitting in the sunniest

part of the pavement cleaning its black and white fur in

total enjoyment. That cat was something; I thought and

secretly wished I could be a bit like it.

A healthy man, according to Chinese philosophy, will feel

all major emotions through out one day. We will feel

different emotions as the chi travels in the different

channels. A healthy man will be happy and sad, angry,

worried and scared all in one day. All these feelings are

part of our energy cycles, of our inner imprint. The

question of normality or abnormality will be the level of

these emotions. As with the waves of the sea – if the

emotions are mild – we feel a bit sad then a bit angry

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etc, we are normal. If the waves are high – we feel

powerful feelings of worry, fear etc. we are not healthy,

if the waves are gone – we are at risk.

In chapter 5 of “The Neijing” the foundational text of

Chinese medicine, (Maoshing Ni’s translation), it says:

“Overindulgence in the five emotions – happiness, anger,

sadness, worry or fear and fright – can create

imbalances”…“Failing to regulate one’s emotions can be

likened to summer and winter failing to regulate each

other, threatening life itself.”

What happened after the emotional blockage was removed?

If you look again at the organ-emotion diagram, you will

notice that it’s a cycle. This means that if one emotion

is over rated, the whole cycle will have a weaker flow.

In the book “Children and Grief” Dr. William Warden

writes:

“Feelings must be acknowledged and respected as valid. It

is very easy to tell a child how he or she should feel,

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and the temptation increases as adults try to protect

themselves against feeling helpless”.

This was the reason my pain was pushed aside, I was told

that my parents suffered a greater loss then me, and so,

I locked my pain inside. The adults around me tried to

protect both them and me, by not allowing my pain to be

expressed.

This emotional blockage grew deeper and turned into a

severe case of pathological grief.

I had no idea my problems were related to my loss. I

never spoke about my loss, I hardly cried, but didn’t

think it’s wrong or unhealthy. Eventually, I became

depressed. I was doing well at University, learnt script

writing and had a loving boyfriend but I felt as a “miss-

fit”, I was sure I didn’t belong.

When my boyfriend and I decided to get married, the clock

started to tick inside of me, and I panicked. I knew I

couldn’t get married; it was involved with too many

emotions that were locked up for so many years, I was

afraid I would collapse.

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I asked for help, I started therapy and canceled my

wedding date.

The first session was the most important one, in that

session I sat down at the clinic of my kind and

compassionate psychotherapist Moti Shilo, and just

sobbed. Slowly, with Moti’s help I started untying the

messy knot of emotions inside of me, releasing all the

feelings from the past. I started feeling things again

and not surprisingly the first strong emotion that I

discovered was how I miss my brother.

It took me two years of therapy to get my past sorted out

and my emotions settled, and to go through the whole

mourning process that was denied of me as a child.

Only then, I married my loving boyfriend, who patiently

waited for me.

One mystery was solved; emotions were real. I realized I

can feel as strongly as others, and got to know the many

feelings inside me. But as that cleared away, another

mystery appeared – now that I know my emotions, how

should I handle them?

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What happened after the spiritual blockage was removed?

In his book – “Without Freud or Prozac” David Servan-

Schreiber, a professor of Psychiatry claims that Western

therapies including medication fail to heal depression.

My life story supports his conclusion. My inner world was

flowing or working well, thanks to psychotherapy, but

there was no flow from the outside.

My inner world became a fascination for me, I enjoyed it

so much. I went on to produce, together with my sister

Ruthie, a movie in memory of my brother. The making of

this movie was a blessing to us all as it helped all

members of the family and friends with processing their

own grief.

But although I cleared my biggest emotional blockage and

got “in touch” with my inner world, I still felt a

terrible pain inside, as if there was a big “stone” stuck

deep in my Heart. This pain wasn’t removed by the

psychotherapy and I was confident I’ll carry this “stone”

with me to the grave. This was the outcome of the

spiritual crisis I went through at an early age. My

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spirit was separated from the world, I had the feeling

that no one was “out there” for me.

“When you do not realize that you are one with the river,

or one with the universe, you have fear. Whether it is

separated into drops or not, water is water.” - Zen

Mind, Beginner’s Mind, Shunryu Suzuki.

I was what Zen Master Suzuki would call a drop of water

that lost its connection with the river.

After my second child was born, I experienced a

spontaneous spiritual awakening which left me overwhelmed

and grateful. I felt, for the first time in twenty years,

as an integral part of the universe.

The most wonderful thing for me, regarding that spiritual

experience, was that during that experience I had no self

and thereby no feelings and no pain. I found a place

without pain, what a revelation. I wanted to go back to

that amazing place, but where was the gate combining my

self to this divine place?

I started reading books looking for answers for this

divine experience. I had no religious fixation; I was

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ready to check whatever gave me the best explanation and

the best way.

I became fascinated and passionate about Zen philosophy

and Chi Kung, the Chinese Art of developing energy.

Finally, I read “The Art of Chi Kung”, by Shaolin

Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit.

It was this mind blowing sentence that made me start

packing: “As chi is a universal medium that connects all

things, a Chi Kung master can use it to transmit his Chi-

impulses to another person a great distance away.”

(p.127).

The minute I read this, I knew I must find Grandmaster

Wong and see for myself if what he writes about is for

real especially his claim that “Distant chi transmission

is a reality” (p.125). This connection to others through

the “outside” world was a thrilling idea for me.

My father was a Karate expert. He used to train my two

brothers in Karate every afternoon, before our tragic

loss. My late brother’s dream was to travel to Japan and

study Karate from the Masters. Now, I felt I am following

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his footsteps, continuing his legacy and this gave me

confidence in my way.

I traveled to Europe to study Chi Kung and Zen from

Grandmaster Wong, a Grandmaster of Shaolin Kung Fu,

Shaolin Chi Kung and Zen and what surprise awaited me.

The minute Grandmaster Wong entered the training hall,

with his big smile and shining red Kung Fu suit, my heart

opened up in an instance and my soul was released of the

last blockage my grief engraved in me. At that moment one

tear came down my right cheek and I knew that I was

whole. I felt so good and happy as if I was a child

again.

During the lunch break, I rushed outside, found the

nearest phone booth, called my husband and shouted in

excitement – “It’s for real!”.

Back then, I had no idea how powerful chi healing is, but

in the years to come I saw this “miracle” happen to other

people as Grandmaster Wong’s immense energy cleared away

the blockages inside of them.

In Chi Kung therapy, as in Chinese medicine, the seat of

the Mind is in the heart, therefore when the heart opens

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up the person is connected to the Universal Mind or to

God, or Heaven. Grandmaster Wong opened my heart and

showed me the gateway between Heaven and Earth – the

practice of Shaolin Chi Kung and Zen.

I went home and started practicing Shaolin Chi Kung.

During practice I could feel the chi moving inside me and

I would go into “Zen Mind” or “Chi Kung state of Mind”

which was a very peaceful and wonderful place, I found

the safe gateway to my spiritual experience.

Then I started thinking, now that I feel so good and

totally healed with no pain, no scars and no stones in my

Heart – how should I deal with my emotions?

How does a whole and healthy person deal with his/her

feelings? I wondered.

Shaolin Chi Kung is a Zen practice. As a Zen practice, we

train ourselves to be fully aware of the moment, to

appreciate each minute and to let go of our thoughts.

I had a revelation. What will happen if I handled my

emotions the same way I was trained to do with my

thoughts?

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I decided to give it a try. I remember standing in the

kitchen preparing dinner. I heard a song on the radio and

it made me sad. Ok, what do I do now? I asked. My

automatic reaction would have been – being sad over a

song is nonsense, what a foolish thing to feel. But then

I changed my mind and said to myself – “this time, I will

let the sadness go through me. It’s only energy traveling

inside me, that’s all; I have nothing to be afraid of”.

”I am sad” I told myself.

A miracle happened immediately after that - I stopped

feeling sad.

The minute I acknowledged my sudden sadness it was

released, and so fast I couldn’t believe myself.

This is Zen, I then recalled – now I am sad, now I am

happy, now I am worried and so on. Each moment of our

life can be filled with another flavor of emotions. We

are not supposed to do anything with our emotions. We

don’t have to fight, discuss, explain or dig into them.

We simply have to cherish them and accept them as they

arrive. Sometimes they will be of no importance and only

carry our reactions to a song on the radio, but sometimes

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they will reveal to us some hidden truth about ourselves

or the world and maybe will make us go into action.

The voice of Happiness – a Zen Koan

After Bankei had passed away, a blind man who lived near

the master's temple told a friend :

"Since I am blind, I cannot watch a person's face, so I

must judge his character by the sound of his voice.

Ordinarily, when I hear someone congratulate another upon

his happiness or success, I also hear a secret tone of

envy. When condolence is expressed for the misfortune of

another, I hear pleasure and satisfaction, as if the one

condoling was really glad there was something left to

gain in his own world .

In all my experience, however, Bankei's voice was always

sincere. Whenever he expressed happiness, I heard nothing

but happiness, and whenever he expressed sorrow, sorrow

was all I heard ".

Wouldn’t we all want a friend sincere as Master Bankei?

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Shouldn’t we all be friends like him?

What does it mean to be emotionally stable?

The healthy way to handle emotions, when they arise, is

to acknowledge them, as they travel within.

When we simply recognize the feeling and accept it in

sincerity, we actually let it pass safely through us.

A minor feeling can pass in a split of a second and then

vanish.

A powerful feeling could pass in a split of a second as

well, but we will feel it move inside more vigorously and

it may reappear even a million times in one day, but

during all these million times – that emotion will travel

in, be accepted and travel out.

Powerful emotions that are accepted and recognized can

lead to actions in the outside world. For example – if I

realized that many times a day, for many days, I am

worried about someone’s health, maybe it means that I

should do something about it. This is when our Mind will

go into action and find a solution.

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But sometimes even strong emotions, which are

acknowledged, will gradually diminish and even disappear

without leaving a trace and without any action needed.

A healthy person will experience many feelings and

emotions during one day, as the harmonious flow of energy

is manifested in his body. When we are emotionally stable

we realize there are no good or bad emotions, although

they can be more pleasant or less pleasant to us. Good

and bad can be related to our intentions and actions in

the world, not to the inner flow of our emotions. The

only bad thing regarding emotions is when their flow is

interrupted or blocked.

Emotional stability is having a harmonious flow within.

When we accept our inner world completely we are at peace

with our selves.

But there is an even better level of existence, this

level is the spiritual aspect of our being, this level of

existence brings us peace with the world. This level is

realized when we are reconnected to the “river” - the

harmonious flow of the universe, then we become truly

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happy, we experience spiritual joy. This happens when our

Heart is open.

How we block the flow of emotions ?

The unhealthy way to handle our emotions is to create a

blockage in their way flow. We can create a blockage in

the flow of emotions in three main ways:

The first one is when we decide that certain emotions

cannot come in – therefore we build a blockage at the

entrance of our energy body. For example someone can say

– “I am never scared” or “I will never be sorry for him”

this kind of attitude will create a blockade in order to

push away “unwanted” feelings.

The second way is holding on to an emotion and not

letting it move out. For example: “I will always be cross

with him, I’ll never forgive him.”

The third way is not accepting the emotion as it is. For

example –I know I am afraid, but I dismiss it as silly or

not important or, on the other hand, I become scared of

the intensity of the fear and “lock it” inside.

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All these ways to block our natural flow of emotions can

cause blockages on specific channels which can be

manifested by physical illness or an emotional pathology

and gradually if not cleared, they will block all energy

flow and make us depressed and severely ill .

The blockage will cloud our Mind, by not sending the

right emotional information and therefore wrong decisions

will be made.

In order to clear the blockage we can turn to the help of

different kinds of therapies. I was fortunate to have a

wonderful psychotherapist, but as a Chi Kung teacher I

have seen many students release their blockages without

having to talk about it, sometimes without even being

aware of them.

As Grandmaster Wong told me: “The story doesn’t matter,

if the Chi is strong enough, it will clear any blockage

on its way”.

After the blockage is removed we have to start letting

our emotions move in and out in a normal and healthy way.

Apart from clearing emotional blockage, we need to open

up our hearts. Actually, whenever we practice kindness or

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smile, we open up our hearts, but if we are too

traumatized, we may seek the help of a spiritual teacher

or Chi healer who will reconnect us to the flow of life .

True Self – a Zen Koan

A distraught man approached the Zen master. "Please,

Master, I feel lost, desperate. I don't know who I am.

Please, show me my True Self". But the teacher just

looked away without responding. The man began to plead

and beg, but still the master gave no reply. Finally

giving up in frustration, the man turned to leave. At

that moment the master called out to him by name. "Yes!"

the man said as he spun back around.

"There it is!" exclaimed the master.

Who am I?

I learnt my lesson, I know that letting the moment pass –

is letting the dying man go without a fare well.

I know I am both the drop traveling in the river and the

current flow that travels inside me, right now.

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I am grateful to all the people who helped me on my

journey - to my wonderful family and friends and to my

Shaolin Wahnam family across the World. I wish to thank

my psychotherapist Motti Shilo that showed me the way

back to my inner home, and my dear Sifu - Grandmaster

Wong that opened up my Heart and freed my spirit .

Undoubtedly, my life is more meaningful and richer

because I learnt to accept what flows inside of me,

minute by minute and with my Chi Kung and Zen practice I

have reconnected myself to others and to the world.

Racheli Wittert-Ashur is a Chi Kung instructor, student of Grandmaster

Wong Kiew Kit. Grandmaster Wong is the head of “Shaolin Wahnam

Institute”.

Bibliography:

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Maoshing Ni, The Yellow Emperor's Classic of Medicine: A New Translation of the Neijing Suwen with Commentary, The Neijing”

Servan-Schreiber David, Without Freud or Prozac

Suzuki Shunryu, Zen Mind, Beginners Mind

Wong Kiew Kit, The Art of Chi Kung

Wong Kiew Kit, The Complete Book of Chinese Medicine

Wong Kiew Kit, The Complete Book of Zen

Worden J. William. Children and Grief, Guilford Press.

The Zen Koans are from the web site– “Zen Stories to tell

your neighbors”:

http://www-usr.rider.edu/~suler/zenstory/zenstory.html

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