Student Lessons - Nurturing Parenting

It’s All About Being in Middle School

Developing Nurturing Values and Skills in Young Adolescents Grades 7 - 9™

Student Lessons Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D.

Amy C. Schlieve, Ed.D. Carson T. Bavolek, B.A.

Today’s Nurturing Teens are Tomorrow’s Nurturing Families

DNSMS-H 10/22/13

Family Development Resources, Inc. Publishers of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Asheville, North Carolina, Park City, Utah USA

800-688-5822 435-649-5822 NurturingParenting.com

1st Edition 2013 DNSMS-H Copyright by Family Development Resources, Inc. ISBN # 1-507202-210-8 Printed in the United States of America All rights reserved, including translation. No part of this book or other materials and manuals of Developing Nurturing Skills in Schools® covered by the copyright hereon may be reproduced in any form of printing or by any other means, electronic or mechanical including, but not limited to, photocopying, audio-visual recording and transmission, and portrayal or duplication in any information storage and retrieval system. The DNS School-Based Programs consist of:

DNS K - 3 Program designed for children Grades K-3. DNS 4 - 6 Program designed for children Grades 4-6. It’s All About Being in Middle School Young Adolescent Program: Grades 7-9 It’s All About Being a Teen Program: Grades 10-12

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About the Authors

Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. is a recognized leader in the fields of child abuse and neglect treatment and prevention, and parenting education. Born and raised in Chicago, Dr. Bavolek’s professional background includes working with emotionally disturbed children and adolescents in schools and residential settings, and abused children and abusive parents in treatment programs. Dr. Bavolek has conducted extensive research in the prevention and treatment of child abuse and neglect.

He received his doctorate at Utah State University in 1978 and completed a post-doctoral internship at the Kempe Center for the Prevention and Treatment of Child Abuse and Neglect in Denver, Colorado. He has held university faculty positions at the University of Wisconsin - Eau Claire, and the University of Utah. Dr. Bavolek has received numerous international, national, state and local awards for his work, including induction in 1989 into the Royal Guild of the International Social Work Round Table in Vienna, Austria, and selection in 1983 by Phi Delta Kappa as one of 75 young educators in the country who represent the best in educational leadership, research and services. In addition, he was selected by Oxford Who’s Who in 1993 as a member of the elite registry of extraordinary professionals and in 1998 as a member of the elite registry of extraordinary CEO’s. Dr. Bavolek was also Mental Health Professional of the Year of Northern Wisconsin in 1985 and Child Advocate of the Year in Utah in 1991. In 1980, he was recognized by the Military Order of the Purple Heart for outstanding research and services to the handicapped.

Dr. Bavolek has conducted thousands of workshops, has appeared on radio and television talk show programs, and has published numerous books, articles, programs and newsletters. He is the principal author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs,® programs which treat and prevent child abuse and neglect, and the Adult-Adolescent Parenting Inventory (AAPI-2), an inventory designed to assess high risk parenting attitudes. Dr. Bavolek is President of Family Development Resources, Inc. and Executive Director of Family Nurturing Centers, International.

Amy C. Schlieve, Ed.D. is Program Director and Associate Professor with the School of Education at the University of Wisconsin- Stout. Dr. Schlieve has over 15 years teaching experience in the pre-school to grade 12 in working with children with disabilities and 20 years as university faculty in the UW system (UW-Eau Claire and tenured faculty at UW-Stout). She was named Who’s Who Among America’s Teachers and Educators – awarded – 2007; Making a Difference Award. SCEC, University of Wisconsin- Eau Claire - 1999; 1995 – Exceptional Educator. Eau Claire Chamber of Commerce, Excellence in Education.

Dr. Schlieve earned her Bachelor of Science and Masters of Science degrees at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire and Doctorate at the University of St. Thomas in Minnesota.

Dr. Schlieve is the principal author of the School-based – Nurturing Skills program. She serves as a private consultant and trainer, expert witness in state and federal court, and conducts numerous workshops and keynote addresses in the United States and United Kingdom. Carson T. Bavolek, B.A. has facilitated Nurturing Parenting groups with school-age children, with parents as a home visitor, and with individuals in substance abuse counseling through Family Central, Inc. in Florida. He has also worked as a youth counselor providing counseling and supervision with teens at North Carolina’s Juvenile Detention Center in Wilmington. Carson assisted in creating the student handouts for the Nurturing Program’s, “It’s All About Being a Teen” handbook. He is currently a Curriculum Specialist and Research Assistant for Family Development Resources, Inc. Carson T. Bavolek graduated with a B.A. in psychology from the University of North Carolina-Wilmington and is currently pursuing graduate work in social work.

It’s All About Being in Middle School™ Developing Nurturing Values and Skills

in Young Adolescents Grades 7 - 9

Table of Contents

1.2 Nurturing as a Lifestyle .................................................................................... 1

2.1 Adolescence: It’s Normal for Teens to Act Weird ............................................ 3

2.2 Male and Female Brain .................................................................................... 7

2.3 Adolescent Needs (S.P.I.C.E.S) .................................................................... 10

2.4 A Plan to Get My Needs Met ........................................................................... 11

3.1 Positive Ways to Nurture Myself .................................................................... 13

3.4 Trait Checklist ................................................................................................ 15

3.5 Individual Profile ............................................................................................. 17

4.3 Personal Power .............................................................................................. 19

4.4 Praise for Being and Doing ............................................................................ 21

5.1 The Four Primary Feelings ............................................................................. 24

5.4 My Anger Management Plan .......................................................................... 27

5.5 Anger Gauge .................................................................................................. 29

5.6 Reducing Stress; Handling My Stress ............................................................ 31

6.1 “I” Statements, “You” Messages: Communicating Thoughts and Feelings .... 33

6.2 Criticism and Confrontation ............................................................................ 38

6.5 Negotiation as Communication ...................................................................... 41

6.7 Problem Solving and Decision Making Worksheet ......................................... 43

7.2 Parent and Teen Communication Survey ...................................................... 45

7.3 My Beliefs and My Parents’ Beliefs ................................................................ 46

7.4 Family in a Room ........................................................................................... 48

8.1 Characteristics of an Ideal Family .................................................................. 49

8.2 Characteristics of My Family .......................................................................... 51

8.3 My Mother ...................................................................................................... 53

8.4 My Father ....................................................................................................... 56

8.5 My Siblings ..................................................................................................... 59

8.6 My Extended Family ...................................................................................... 61

8.7 Ten Things I Value ......................................................................................... 64

8.8 Family Values Worksheet ............................................................................. 65

9.2 My Family’s Rules .......................................................................................... 66

9.4 Domestic Violence ......................................................................................... 68

10.2 Peer Survey ................................................................................................... 71

10.3 Understanding and Handling Peer Pressure ................................................. 73

10.4 Understanding and Handling Bullies ............................................................. 75

11.1 My Cyber World ........................................................................................... 77

11.2 Cube bullying Stats and Facts ...................................................................... 78

11.3 Cyber bullying Tactics ................................................................................... 80

11.4 Safe Texting .................................................................................................. 83

12.1 Anorexia and Bulimia .................................................................................... 86

12.2 Binge Eating .................................................................................................. 90

12.3 Body Dysmorphic Disorder ........................................................................... 93

12.4 Body Image and Self-Esteem ....................................................................... 96

12.5 Depression .................................................................................................... 98

12.6 Cutting ......................................................................................................... 102

12.7 Suicide ........................................................................................................ 105

13.1 Facts on Drugs and Alcohol ........................................................................ 108

13.5 Steps to Keeping Kids Drug Free ................................................................ 110

13.6 Smoking and My Health .............................................................................. 114

14.5 Dating Bill of Rights ..................................................................................... 116

14.6 Date Rape and Ways to Prevent It .............................................................. 117

14.7 Gay and Lesbian Students .......................................................................... 120

15.3 My Beliefs and My Parents’ Beliefs About Sex ........................................... 124

15.8 Sexually Transmitted Diseases ................................................................... 126

15.9 Myths and Facts about HIV and AIDS ........................................................ 128

_______________________________________________ 1 ________________________________________________ Copyright 2013 Family Development Resources, Inc. 1-800-688-5822 www.nurturingparenting.com

FDR grants permission to copy and distribute this handout for educational purposes only.

It’s All About Being in Middle School™ Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D., Amy C. Schlieve, Ed.D. and Carson T. Bavolek, B.A.

Nurturing as a Lifestyle

Lesson 1.2 Nurturing is the ability to care. It is a critical skill for all life forms on the planet – especially for humans because they are such complex forms of life. To nurture is to promote the growth and development of all positive traits, qualities and characteristics. To nurture oneself is to treat oneself with caring, kindness, and respect. It is to keep ourselves physically and emotionally healthy, to make good choices, and to be our own best friend.

There are two types of Nurturing – Positive and Negative 1. Positive nurturing is the actions we take to promote and nourish ourselves in positive

healthy ways.

List all the ways you nurture yourself in a positive way:

2. Negative nurturing is the actions we take to promote and nourish ourselves in negative, unhealthy ways.

List all the ways you nurture yourself in a negative way:



3. To change negative nurturing ways to positive nurturing ways, behavior must be substituted (for example, instead of eating greasy potato chips, try low-fat pita chips instead).

List ways you can replace some of your negative nurturing ways with positive ones:




Adolescence: It’s Normal for Teens to Act Weird

Lesson 2.1 Puberty is often referred to as the time in life when teens begin the development of adult sexual characteristics: breasts, menstrual periods, pubic hair, and facial hair. These changes are brought about because the body undergoes an intense biochemical onslaught of hormones. The ovaries and testes begin to pour estrogen and testosterone into the blood stream. Estrogen and progesterone are female sex hormones. Testosterone is the male sex hormone. Sex hormones are steroids which are primarily responsible for the conversion of girls and boys into sexually mature women and men. At the same time, testosterone-like hormones released by the adrenal glands located near the kidneys begin to circulate. Recent research findings show that these adrenal sex hormones are extremely active in the brain, attaching to receptors everywhere and exerting a direct influence on serotonin and other neurochemicals that regulate moods and excitability. There is a wide variation in the age at which the physical changes of puberty normally begin. Breast development is usually the first noticeable sign of puberty in girls. This may begin anytime between the ages of 7 and 13 years (as early as 6 in African- American girls). About 15% of girls will develop pubic hair before breast development starts. The following characteristics describe the sequence of events in girls as they progress through puberty.

Breasts begin to develop and hips become rounded.

The increase in the rate of growth in height begins.

Pubic hair begins to appear, usually within 6 to 12 months after the start of

breast development. The uterus and vagina, as well as labia and clitoris, increase in size.

Pubic hair is well established and breasts grow further.



The rate of growth in height reaches its peak by about 2 years after

puberty began (average age is 12 years)

Menstruation begins, almost always after the peak growth rate in height has

been reached (average age is 12.5 years)

Once girls start to menstruate, they usually grow about 1 or 2 more inches, reaching their final adult height by about age 14 or 15 years (younger or older depending on when puberty began).

Boys tend to show the first physical changes of puberty between the ages of 10 and 16 years. They tend to grow most quickly between ages 12 and 15. The growth spurt of boys is, on an average, about 2 years later than that of girls. By age 16, most boys have stopped growing, but their muscles will continue to develop.

Other features of puberty in boys include: The penis and testicles increase in size

Pubic hair appears, followed by underarm and facial hair

Voice deepens and may sometimes crack or break

Adam’s apple, or larynx cartilage, gets bigger

Testicles begin to produce sperm

Adolescence is a developmental period of emotional changes. Teens become more aware of how others see them, especially their peers. They are beginning to become more independent and separate from Mom and Dad. Adolescence begins in some children around the age of 10 to 11. While some teens may be late bloomers, that is the onset of puberty happens later, the onset of adolescence may be in full bloom.

Middle School and Early High School Adolescence 1. Movement towards Independence

Struggle with sense of identity

Feeling awkward or strange about one’s self and one’s body

Focus on self, alternating between high expectations and poor self-concept

Interests and clothing style influenced by peer group

Moodiness



Improved ability to use speech to express one’s self

Realization that parents are not perfect; identification of their faults

Less overt affection shown to parents, with occasional rudeness

Complaints that parents interfere with independence

Tendency to return to childish behavior, particularly when

stressed 2. Future Interests and Cognitive Changes

Mostly interested in present; limited thoughts of future

Intellectual interests expand and gain in importance

Greater ability to do work (physical, mental, emotional) 3. Sexuality

Display shyness, blushing, and modesty

Girls develop physically sooner than boys

Increased interest in the opposite sex

Movement toward heterosexuality with fears of homosexuality

Concerns regarding physical and sexual attractiveness to others

Frequently changing relationships Worries about being normal

Late High School Adolescence 1. Movement towards Independence

Increased independent functioning

Firmer and more cohesive sense of identity

Examination of inner experiences

Ability to think ideas through

Conflict with parents begins to decrease

Increased ability for delayed gratification and compromise

Increased emotional stability



Increased concern for others

Increased self-reliance

Peer relationships remain important and take an appropriate place among other

interests 2. Future Interests and Cognitive Changes

Work habits become more refined

Increased concern for future

More importance is placed on one’s role in life 3. Sexuality

Feelings of love and passion

Development of more serious relationships

Firmer sense of sexual identity

Increased capacity for tender and sensual love 4. Morals, Values, and Self-Direction

Greater capacity for setting goals

Interest in moral reasoning

Capacity to use insight

Increased emphasis on personal dignity and self-esteem

Social and cultural traditions regain some of their previous importance




Male and Female Brain

Lesson 2.2 There is a reason males and females think and act differently. For example, girls like to talk more; boys like to talk less. The reason for a lot of these behaviors is the difference between the male and female brain.

Scientists are Discovering that the brain of a male is different from the brain of a female.

Male and Female Brain Structure 1. The human brain, both male and female, has 100 billion neurons.

2. Neurons connect to each other through neural pathways. The more activity that is associated with a certain part of the brain, the more neural connections are made and the stronger they get.

3. If certain parts of the brain are not used, neural pathways weaken and dry up. The

brain is a “use it or lose it” organ. 4. Male and female brains produce hormones that support brain growth. The male

hormone is called testosterone and the female hormone is called estrogen. Males and females have both testosterone and estrogen.

5. Between 3 to 6 months in the womb, the baby is being bombarded with different

hormones. When there is more testosterone, certain areas of the neocortex grow and become connected. When the developing brain gets bombarded with estrogen and progesterone, certain other areas in the neocortex grow and connect.

6. If the child in the womb is a chromosomal male child (XY), the mother’s hormonal

system reads this as male and sends more testosterone. If the child is a chromosomal female (XX), the mother’s hormonal system sends more female hormones.

7. In the womb, the child is being sexualized by the hormones it receives as either

masculine or feminine.



8. The brain development of all babies, no matter what their sex, is stimulated by all hormones. All males have some estrogen; all females have some testosterone.

9. However, male babies get more testosterone and thus a more “male brain”

develops while female babies get more estrogen and thus a more “female brain” develops.

10. The development of the male and female brain in the womb can be affected by the

stress the mother experiences during pregnancy. a. Physical abuse, illness and emotional distress can cause the mother’s stress

hormone (which is called cortisol) to cut off some of the normal surges of testosterone or estrogen.

b. It’s possible for a boy to be born with a penis, testicles and other physiological

male traits but with a female brain. The same is true for a girl. A female can have female physiological traits but have a male brain.

c. Some males report that they feel like a female trapped in a male’s body.

Some females feel like a male trapped in a female’s body.

d. While males and females acquire new neural skills throughout life, the way the brain is set up during pregnancy does not change.



Male and Female Brain Quiz Taken from “What Could He Be Thinking?” by Michael Gurian, St. Martin’s Press, NY 2003.

Check either True or False for each question:

True False 1. Males would rather work on a project than talk. _____ _____ 2. Males would prefer to read a book rather than play _____ _____ football or video games. 3. Males tend to talk less often and use fewer words than _____ _____ females. 4. Females act more impulsively than males. _____ _____ 5. Males tend to be more aggressive than females. _____ _____ 6. Females and males bond differently. _____ _____ 7. Males tend to be more patient than females. _____ _____ 8. Males have a stronger sex drive than females. _____ _____ 9. Males tend to zone out more than females. _____ _____ 10. Males tend to solve problems by talking. Females tend _____ _____ to solve problems with action.



It’s All About Being in Middle School™

Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D., Amy C. Schlieve, Ed.D. and Carson T. Bavolek, B.A.

Adolescent Needs (S.P.I.C.E.S.)

Lessons 2.3 Whether we are babies, adolescents, or adults, we all have the same areas of needs: Social Needs The need for friendship and companionship – usually sought from our peer group.

Physical Needs The need for sleep, food, exercise, water, air, etc.

Intellectual Needs The need for intellectual stimulation, thinking new thoughts, reading challenging books, and learning something new.

Creative Needs The need to express self: to make something, dance, write a poem, etc.

Emotional Needs The need for love, praise, feeling worthwhile, security, trust, and self-regard.

Spiritual Needs The need to know we are part of something bigger than ourselves and that we can increase our awareness and sensitivity to the greater aspects of life.




A Plan to Get My Needs Met Lesson 2.4 Needs are different from wants and desires. Needs can be thought of in general categories – we have different needs at different times, but they fall into one of six categories. It is important to get our needs met and that all behavior meets a need.

Directions: 1. Circle the number that best indicates the degree to which you’re getting you needs

met. 2. List ways you get your needs met. 3. List other things you can do to get your needs met in each area.

1. Social: The need for friendship and companionship – usually sought from our peer group. a. My social needs are: Not Met Somewhat Met Met 1 2 3 4 5

b. Ways I get my social needs met are: c. Other ways I could get my social needs met are:

2. Physical: The need for sleep, food, exercise, water, air, etc. a. My physical needs are: Not Met Somewhat Met Met

1 2 3 4 5 b. Ways I get my physical needs met are: c. Other ways I could get my physical needs met are:



3. Intellectual: The need for intellectual stimulation, thinking new thoughts, reading challenging books, and learning something new. a. My intellectual needs are: Not Met Somewhat Met Met 1 2 3 4 5 b. Ways I get my intellectual needs met are: c. Other ways I could get my intellectual needs met are: 4. Creative: The need to express self: to make something, dance, write a poem, etc.

a. My creative needs are: Not Met Somewhat Met Met 1 2 3 4 5 b. Ways I get my creative needs met are: c. Other ways I could get my creative needs met are: 5. Emotional: The need for love, praise, feeling worthwhile, security, trust, and self-

regard.

a. My emotional needs are: Not Met Somewhat Met Met 1 2 3 4 5 b. Ways I get my emotional needs met are: c. Other ways I could get my emotional needs met are: 6. Spiritual: The need to know we are part of something bigger than ourselves and

that we can increase our awareness and sensitivity to the greater aspects of life.

a. My spiritual needs are: Not Met Somewhat Met Met 1 2 3 4 5 b. Ways I get my spiritual needs met are: c. Other Ways I could get my spiritual needs met are:




Positive Ways to Nurture Myself

Lesson 3.1 Nurturing is the ability to care. It is a critical skill for all life forms on the planet, especially for humans because they are such complex forms of life. To nurture is to promote the growth and development of all positive traits, qualities and characteristics. To nurture oneself is to treat oneself with caring, kindness, and respect. It is to keep ourselves physically and emotionally healthy, and to make good choices, and to be our own best friend.

Please answer the following questions: 1. Nurturing myself is important because: 2. The best way for me to nurture myself is: 3. The time that I most need to nurture myself is when: 4. During those times when I most need to nurture myself, I plan to: 5. My favorite nurturing song is: 6. To take good care of myself, I get at least hours of sleep every night.



7. Write a story about a time you nurtured yourself. Underneath the story, write a sentence or two about what you were doing, thinking or feeling:




Trait Checklist Lesson 3.4 Move quickly through the following traits. Use a check mark beside those that fit your self-image. Use an (X) to mark those that do not fit. Use a question mark (?) to indicate the ones that you are unsure about.

_____ Like Myself _____ Don’t understand myself

_____ Afraid to be hurt by others _____ Feel hemmed in

_____ People can trust me _____ People avoid me

_____ Usually say the right thing _____ Disinterested in community problems

_____ Feel bad about myself _____ Enjoy work

_____ Fearful of future _____ Enjoy nature

_____ Dependent on others for ideas _____ Don’t enjoy work

_____ Waste time _____ Can’t hold a job

_____ Use my talents _____ Trust myself

_____ Think for myself _____ Usually say the wrong thing

_____ Don’t enjoy being who I am _____ Enjoy people

_____ Discouraged about life _____ Know my feelings

_____ Don’t like to be around people _____ Involved in solving community problems

_____ Have not developed my talents _____ People like to be around me

_____ Glad I’m the person I am _____ Competent on the job

_____ Often do the wrong thing _____ People can depend on me

_____ Control myself _____ Enjoy life

_____ Trouble controlling myself _____ Don’t like myself



Add other traits:

Now, look at the traits you’ve marked. Is there a pattern? What traits would you like to change?




Individual Profile Lesson 3.5 Complete the following information

Part 1: Draw a picture of yourself or glue a recent photograph of yourself in the box. Eye color: __________________________ Hair color: __________________________ Skin color: __________________________ Height (circle one): Tall Average Short Weight (circle one): Overweight Underweight About Right

Part 2: Underline the preference for each of the following: 1. Watch a movie or Read a book.

2. Get together with a friend or Go to a party.

3. Make/build something or Buy something already made.

4. Go camping or Go shopping.

5. Be a club officer or Be a club member.

6. Play team sports or Play individual sports.

7. Do something outdoors or Do something indoors.

8. Leave your room neat or Leave your room messy.

9. Write a poem or Write a report.

10. Do your homework with music on or Do your homework in silence.

11. Get up early or Go to bed late.

12. Call a friend or Have a friend call you.

13. Wear casual clothes or Get dressed up.

14. Be busy most of the time or Have a lot of quiet time.



Part 3: 1. I was born in (city) _____________________________ (state) ___________. 2. My parents were born in (list name, city, state, country): 3. My grandparents were born in (list name, city, state, country): 4. My great grandparents were born in (list name, city, state, country): 5. I have lived in my present home for ________ years. 6. I live with: _________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ 7. Three of my responsibilities at home are:

A. B. C.




Personal Power Lesson 4.3 Personal power is the use of our knowledge and our feelings to act in a way to get our needs met. Personal power is not how physically strong we are, but how capable we are of meeting our social, physical, intellectual, creative, emotional and spiritual needs. Everyone has personal power: teenagers, adults, children, and even infants. When babies cry, they are telling their parents that they need something: food, burping, a hug, a dry diaper, etc. Crying is one way babies use their personal power. When teenagers make friends, play sports, dance, have babies, use drugs and alcohol, etc. they are also using their personal power to get their needs met. Adults, teenagers, and children can use their personal power in positive, healthy ways, or they can use their personal power in negative, destructive ways.

Positive Use of Personal Power When we use our personal power in a positive way, we actually do things that build upon or maintain the positive feelings and thoughts we have of ourselves – our positive self-esteem (feelings) and positive self-concept (thoughts). All of us think and feel good things and bad things about ourselves at different times in our lives. When we feel good things and think good thoughts about ourselves, we are likely to use our personal power in a positive way. Some examples of how teens and adults use their personal power in positive ways are:

Paying for things rather than shoplifting Driving a car sober, not drunk Wearing seat belts when driving and riding in a car Completing high school requirements Learning how to read Treating your friends with respect Working as a family to solve family problems Learning how to be a better person Getting plenty of exercise, rest, and eating

healthy meals Establishing family rules

When you use your personal power in a positive way, you are actually helping develop your positive self-concept and self-esteem.



Negative Use of Personal Power When we use our personal power in a negative way, we actually do things that destroy our positive self, feelings and thoughts. The use of our personal power in a negative way helps develop negative feelings and thoughts about ourselves – not positive. It is true for everyone. When we feel bad about ourselves and think negative thoughts about ourselves, we act in ways that reflect how we feel and think. Our personal power is used to do destructive and sometimes cruel things to ourselves and to others. After all, if we do not like ourselves, it’s hard to like others. Some examples of how teens and adults use their personal power in negative ways are:

Driving drunk Driving or riding in a car without wearing a seat

belt Stealing, fighting, or hurting others Drug and alcohol abuse Dropping out of high school Teenage suicide Using others in a cruel way for our own benefit:

raping, mugging, killing, etc. Having sexual intercourse without controlling the

risks for possible harmful consequences: AIDS, venereal diseases or pregnancy.

Being a negative role model for children Hurting other family members both physically and emotionally

When you use your personal power in a negative way, you are hurting your chances of developing a positive regard for yourself and for others.

Building Personal Power To build a positive regard for yourself through the use of your personal power, try to:

Praise yourself daily Be your own best friend Treat others with respect and kindness Be aware of your own feelings and the feelings of others Take responsibility for your own behavior Praise others for who they are and the things they do Communicate your thoughts and feelings with your friends and your family

How are you using your personal power in a positive way today?




Praise for Being and Doing: “Putting the Pieces Together”

Lesson 4.4 Praise is a word, gesture, facial expression, or phrase that encourages others to feel pride and joy. Praise is a way of giving positive feedback to others to increase their sense of worth, competence and confidence. In praising others, you point out the worth of their abilities, traits, or achievements. When your parent looks good, tell him or her. When others do things that are pleasing, let them know. Praise them.

Appropriate and Inappropriate Praise It would seem hard to imagine that there is such a thing as inappropriate praise, but there is. Inappropriate praise is praise that is given to someone with “strings attached” or that is given to someone then is followed by some critical statement. Praise statements with strings attached generally go something like this:

“Mom would really love you if you cleaned your room today.” “You’re my best friend. You do everything I ask you to do. I really like you!

The strings attached in the first statement are Mom’s love. If you clean your room, Mom’s love follows. If not, bye-bye love. The same with the second statement. To stay a best friend, one person has to do everything for the other. That seems like a negative kind of friendship. Inappropriate praise statements can also carry an element of judgment to them. In these instances, a praise statement is followed by some evaluative statement. You have heard them before. They go something like this:

“You’re a great kid but I wish you weren’t so lazy.” “Hey Dad! Thanks for letting me use the car. That was nice of you. You know you don’t always have to be so stingy about letting me use it.”



The praise statement is lost in the evaluative statement. Being a great kid is lost in being lazy. Use of the car is lost in being stingy. These messages change the focus of the praise from positive to negative and are not considered praise. Praise with evaluative statements that follow and praise with strings attached are the two ways people can use praise inappropriately. The appropriate use of praise tells people that who they are or what they have done is great.

Praising Others There are two appropriate uses of praise:

1) To tell someone what a great person they are (Praise for BEING) and, 2) To tell someone they did a great job (Praise for DOING).

Some examples of Praise for Being are:

“What great parents you are.”

“You look beautiful tonight.”

“I love you.”

“I really think you are outstanding.”

In praising people for BEING, you are simply letting them know that because they exist, they have worth. Others do not really have to do anything to be praised for being. They simply receive praise for who they are. Praise for being is the highest form of praise one person can give another. Praise for DOING lets others know that their efforts in accomplishing something are appreciated. Some Examples of Praise for Doing are: “What a great job you did cleaning your room.”

“Super dinner tonight Mom!”

“Hey, you changed the oil in the car. Good job. Thanks a lot!”

“I really liked the way you tried to get ready on time.”

In praising people for doing something, keep the focus only on the behavior – not

on the person. It is inappropriate to combine praise for doing with praise for being. Keep them separate.



Modeling Self-Praise The best way to learn self-praise and to help others learn it is by modeling. Praising yourself in front of others tells them you think highly of yourself. You need not overdo it; just simply praise yourself for being or doing.

“I look good today.”

“I’m proud of the way I cleaned my room.”

“I really tried my best in the soccer game.”

How to Praise 1. Focus your attention on the person and the situation.

Praise deserves your undivided attention.

2. Move close to the person. It feels good to be praised by someone close to you.

3. Make eye contact. If you’re praising a child, get down on the

child’s eye level. For instance, stoop down to make eye contact with a two-year-old – this makes it all the more special.

4. Look pleasant. Everyone likes to see a happy face.

5. Touch the person in a gentle way. Perhaps touch then on the arm or hold

their hand. It’s nice to be touched while being praised.

6. Describe what you see. “Great job doing the dishes,” or share your pleasure “I appreciate your efforts,” or “I love you.”

7. Praise anytime. There is no such thing as too much praise.

Praise for Being and Praise for Doing are the two most effective ways of building positive self-esteem and self-concept.




The Four Primary Feelings

Lesson 5.1 We have many words to describe our feelings: joy, embarrassment, rage, depression, excitement, helplessness, anxiety, comfort, etc. Just as all colors (green, beige, purple, turquoise, etc.) are mixtures of only three basic or “primary colors,” our complex feelings are mixtures of only four basic or “primary feelings.” The four primary feelings are: glad, mad, sad, and scared. It’s helpful to reduce our complex feelings to their primary components. This way we can see more clearly just how to go about meeting our needs. We can understand just what we must do if we wish to change a mad, sad, or scared feeling into a glad feeling. Physical pain or discomfort lets us know that we must take care of our bodily needs, to avoid damage to our bodies. For example, when you feel a burning sensation, you take your hand off the stove-quickly! When your body is fighting a germ, you feel feverish and weak. These feelings let you know you must rest or drink fluids. In the same way, emotional pain or discomfort lets us know that we must take care of our psychological needs to avoid damage to our spirits. Emotional needs that are not taken care of leave psychological scars just as surely as unattended physical needs leave scars on the body. All human beings have the basic needs to:

be noticed, recognized, important to others belong, have emotional ties be safe from harm

The three “uncomfortable” primary feelings (mad, sad, and scared) signal us that one of our basic human needs is not being met.



Glad Glad is the feeling from relief, satisfaction, or freedom from pain. Glad is the one primary feeling which does not represent an unmet need. It is the feeling we have when our needs are satisfied. To keep feeling glad, you must find effective ways to meet your needs

Example: George realizes that he needs quiet in order to concentrate. He takes care of that need by keeping his bedroom door closed when he has work that requires concentration. He is generally glad to be at home because he is good at taking care of his own needs there.

Mad Mad is the feeling from unfairness or lack of recognition of the importance of needs. Mad is the feeling that we have when the importance of our needs (physical or psychological) is being ignored by others or ourselves. It is a feeling of injustice that our needs do not count, are not important enough to notice. To stop feeling mad, you must correct the injustice by paying close attention to your own needs, taking them into account and asking directly for what you really need and want. This may involve negotiation with others.

Example: Mary and her mother disagreed about Mary’s curfew. Mary came home at midnight rather than 10 p.m. The consequence for coming home late was for Mary to be grounded for a week. Mary became very mad at her mother. Mary told her mother that the curfew of 10 p.m. was unfair because all her friends are allowed to stay out until midnight. Mary’s mother stated that just because Mary’s friends were staying out until midnight, it doesn’t mean Mary can. Through negotiation, Mary and her mother compromised Mary’s curfew to be 10 p.m. on weeknights and 11 p.m. on weekends.

Sad Sad is the feeling from the loss of an important attachment (to a person, place, or thing). Sad is experiencing loss. Attachments are a vital part of human life, and the loss of some of them from time to time is inevitable. To stop feeling sad, you must first allow yourself to experience the loss, acknowledge the importance of the attachment in your life, and then move on. Moving on generally means replacing the lost person, place, or thing by others that can, in whole or in part, meet needs of yours that were once met by the lost one.

Example: Joey’s family moved across the country. He was very sad at school and at home because he missed his best friend John with whom he used to study and roller skate. When he moped about, his family recognized how sad he was and tried to be supportive while he worked through his grief. They listened



sympathetically when he complained that the kids at school were “dorks.” They understood that Joey felt just then that no one could replace John. They encouraged him to call and write John periodically and arranged for a summer visit. At the same time, they encouraged him to go to the roller rink and did all that they could to make it easy for him to get together with new friends from school. By the end of the school year, Joey became good friends with a classmate and was spending a lot of time on the local basketball court.

Scared

Scared is the feeling from lack of safety, threat to future well-being, or inability to structure or control the future. When we feel scared, it is because we believe that we will soon suffer some damage to our bodies or our spirits. To stop feeling scared, you must realistically assess the true potential for damage and set up effective ways to structure your future. We often scare ourselves by assessing the potential damage as much greater than it is. When it is cut down to its proper size, the danger can usually be controlled or eliminated by taking a few simple steps.

Example: Linda hated parties and social gatherings of all kinds. Each time she faced a party, her stomach got upset. If she attended, she would find herself in a corner, unable to speak to anyone, and feeling lonely. When she thought deeply about the matter, she realized that her fantasy about these events was that everyone else was perfectly comfortable and always had interesting things to say. She was afraid that she would bore people and therefore would not be liked. To assess the real danger, she checked with a few close friends and found out the following: they thought she had interesting things to say and was not a boring person; they, and many others they knew, also were sometimes uncomfortable in groups, and people like as much (or more) to be listened to as talked to, and her friends valued her listening skills. Linda decided that the next time she had to attend a gathering, she would adopt the following strategy: read the newspaper to inform herself about current news and cultural events; begin to interact with others by listening closely and asking questions of them; and not expect herself to interact with everyone in the room, but to mainly focus on a few people who most attracted her. Over time, Linda found that she had become quite adept and comfortable at parties and no longer felt scared of loneliness.




My Anger Management Plan

Lesson 5.4 There is a relationship between feeling hurt and anger. Anger is the result of feeling hurt but people would rather react with anger than express feelings of hurt because they see being hurt as a sign of vulnerability and, therefore, weakness. When people withhold their anger, they make their life more complicated. The way to maintain a healthy perspective is to keep up to date with all our emotions. When people hold any emotion inside, they cease to be their own master. 1. When I get angry, three (3) things I do are:

a. b. c.

How many of the three are positive? 2. Three (3) ways I can express my anger in a positive way are:

a. b. c.



3. Three (3) things that might stop me from expressing my anger in a positive way are:

a. b. c.

4. Four (4) things I can do to avoid these roadblocks are:

a. b. c. d.




Anger Gauge

Lesson 5.5 Beside each number, identify feelings and experiences that make you angry. With each ascending number the feelings or temperature rises. Place a star * beside the number that represents your “Point of No Return.”

10 _________________________________

9 _________________________________

8 _________________________________

7 _________________________________

6 _________________________________

5 _________________________________

4 _________________________________

3 _________________________________

2 _________________________________

1 _________________________________



Three things I can do to reduce my anger are:

1. ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________




Reducing Stress

Lesson 5.6

1. Organize your day. Plan your activities so that you can accomplish what you want to do early in the

day. Spend less time on non-essentials. 2. Know your friends. If relationships or activities are causing undo stress in your life, change. Evaluate

whether you want to continue to have friends that influence your life in ways that increase stress. Get to know your friends better and ask yourself, “Are these people really my friends?”

3. Improve your communication skills. Practice confronting others with how you feel and what you think. Your opinions

and feelings matter. Use I Statements, problem solving, and negotiation to help you.

4. Challenge yourself. A great stress reduction technique is to make sure that you treat yourself as your

own best friend. Be nice to yourself. Understand who you are and what you need. Develop a positive regard for yourself. Praise yourself daily for being and doing.

5. Take care of yourself. Jog, walk, play sports, attend exercise programs, eat proper foods, and make sure

you get plenty of rest. A healthy body is your best defense against illness, fatigue, and overall feelings of discomfort.



Handling My Stress

1. Something that causes stress in my life is: 2. When I feel stress, the way my body responds is by: 3. The way I handle my stress is: 4. Afterwards I feel: 5. To reduce my stress, I will do the following:

a. ____________________________________________________________

b. ____________________________________________________________

c. ____________________________________________________________

d. ____________________________________________________________

e. ____________________________________________________________

f.____________________________________________________________




“I” Statements, “You” Messages: Communicating Thoughts and Feelings

Lesson 6.1 “I” Statements are expressions about me. These expressions focus on how I feel, what I need, or about what I think. For example, I Statements about how I feel may be: “I need a hug; I need a glass of water; I need some quiet time.” I Statements about what I think could be: “I think I will not go; I think I am lost; I think the team should trade for a good quarterback.” I Statements make me the center of attention, the star of the moment. I Statements focus on me, tell about me, or describe me.

“You” Messages are about someone else. They are your perceptions of how someone else feels, about what someone else needs, and about what someone else thinks. Some examples of You Messages regarding someone else’s feelings could be: “You look angry; you seem excited; you appear to be sad.” You Messages regarding someone’s need could be: “You need a hug; you need a glass of water; you need some quiet time.” You Messages regarding someone’s thought could be: “What do you think about nuclear energy? Do you think the team should trade for a good quarterback?”

You messages make someone else the center of attention, the star of the moment. You Messages focus on someone else, tell about someone else, or describe someone else. The big difference is that messages about other people are only guesses or perceptions about how they look, how they feel, or what they need. Only that person knows for sure if the You Messages are accurate.

Ownership of Feelings Another difference between I Statements and You Messages centers on ownership. When used appropriately, I Statements convey ownership of feelings, thoughts, and needs. Each person is responsible for his or her self. No one can make you feel, think, or need something you don’t want. Although others can influence your decision, the final say belongs to you and no one else.



When people use I Statements, they are essentially taking ownership of what they feel, think, or need. Taking ownership of your own feelings, thoughts, and needs is the first step in using I Statements appropriately. Ownership of feelings cannot be expressed with You Messages simply because no one can own anyone else’s feelings, thoughts, and needs. Everyone owns his/her own feelings, thought, and needs.

Appropriate and Inappropriate Use of "I" Statements I Statements are used appropriately when a person wants to send some message about him or herself. As we just mentioned, such statements convey ownership and represent a clear statement of the person’s feelings, thoughts, and needs.

“I am angry with you because you broke curfew.”

“I am not aware of any restaurant open this time of night.” “I need to spend some time by myself in order to unwind.”

I Statements are often used inappropriately. Sometimes people make I Statements in order to manipulate others into doing something. Some examples of the inappropriate use if I Statements may be:

“I am so upset at what you are doing that I might have a heart attack.” “If you don’t do it my way, I will get a migraine headache.”

These statements are manipulative. Their intent is to control someone’s behavior. The clear message and the ownership of the feeling\s are not present.

Appropriate and Inappropriate Use of You Messages You Messages are used appropriately in three ways.

1. To Give Choices. You messages work well in combination with choices and consequences: A message is being sent to the child which describes alternative plans of behavior and their expected consequences. An example may be: “Carson, you have a choice. You can clean your room now, or you can clean your room later. However, if your room is not cleaned by 6 p.m. you can’t watch TV tonight. It’s your choice.”

In this instance, a You Message was sent to Carson. Carson was the center of attention. As you already know, giving children choices helps them develop a sense of responsibility.



2. To Give Praise. You Messages work well when praising someone for being or for doing. When praising, the center of attention naturally belongs to someone else. That is the time for a whole string of You Messages.

“You must be very proud.” “You must feel really good.” “You have done that so well.”

Letting someone know you are proud of them would be good also, as long as the center of attention remains with the other person.

3. To Gain Clarification You Messages are ideal to send when clarification is desired. As mentioned earlier, You Messages are your perceptions or guesses about how another person feels, what another person is thinking, or what another person needs. When a You Message is sent requesting clarification, we are essentially asking for validation. We are asking, “Are my perceptions right or wrong?” Some examples are:

“You seem to be really angry.” “You appear to be sad.” “You don’t seem to like the play.”

The receiver is able to respond to the question(s) based on a quick inventory of how he is feeling. Sending a You Message for clarification helps the sender know the state of being of the receiver. The receiver knows how his behavior is interpreted.

No one likes to have negative or bad feelings. It does not feel good to be angry, sad, afraid, depressed, or out of control, although all people have these feelings at some time or another during their lives. When we do have negative feelings, it is often difficult to take full responsibility for the feelings. It is easier and much safer to blame someone else for the way we feel. In that way, we do not have to take responsibility for our actions. Statements like, “You make me angry; you give me a headache; you made me lose control” are good examples of You Messages that are blaming.



Increasing Family Communication The appropriate use of I Statements and You Messages is critical to establishing and enhancing communication among family members. The ability to accept and receive praise, to implement non-abusive behavior management strategies, to listen to the needs, feelings, and thoughts of your children, and to communicate your own feelings, thoughts, and needs all center around your success at using I Statements and You Messages. The time and energy you invest in learning how to send I Statements and You Messages will pay rich dividends in increasing honest communication between you and your children, mate, and friends.



The Formula for Communicating with “I” Statements

I feel ____________________________ (state a feeling) when

(describe the exact behavior) because ____________________________________________________________. (state the need that relates to the feeling and any thought or belief related to it)

What I want is ____________________________________________. (describe the exact behavior that would meet the need)

Helpful Hints

1. Take time to think it through before you confront. 2. Use a sincere voice that expresses caring. 3. Be concrete and use specific examples. 4. Make eye contact.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Use this space to practice making an I Statement to someone in your life. I feel ____________________________ (state a feeling) when

(describe the exact behavior) because ____________________________________________________________. (state the need that relates to the feeling and any thought or belief related to it)

What I want is ____________________________________________. (describe the exact behavior that would meet the need)




Criticism and Confrontation

Lesson 6.2 Criticism and Confrontation Essentially we have two choices when we have to tell another person something about them that needs improvement. Choice #1 is to say what we have to say to the other person without regard for the other person’s feelings. This style is often referred to as criticism. The other choice, Choice #2 is to say what we have to say to the other person with regard for the other person’s feelings. This style is referred to as confrontation. Confrontation is different from criticism in style, approach and intent.

Criticism: It Hurts So Bad! What’s wrong with criticizing others? Here are five good reasons for choosing a different style of communicating your dissatisfaction. 1. Criticism hurts. It’s supposed to hurt. It’s like slapping someone in the face with

mean words. It’s verbal abuse. 2. Criticism destroys. Criticism never feels good to the person being criticized because

criticism tears people down. Constructive criticism is a term made up by people who criticize a lot just to feel good about their own mean words. Constructive criticism is a lot like an oxymoron, e.g. a “good spanking”.

3. Criticism blames. No one likes to be blamed for something they did or didn’t do,

regardless of the person’s age. Blaming never tells people the right things to do. It only focuses on the bad, always!

4. Criticism closes people up. People become defensive. They often begin to act like a

mummy. They do nothing, say nothing, and eventually hear nothing, at least not what you’re saying. Teenagers especially tune out when parents are being critical. Who could blame them for tuning out criticism?

5. Criticism creates anger in others. Some people respond to criticism by getting angry

and start to fight back. Criticism is the common ground of all arguments. Generally, people criticize others out of their own feelings of inadequacy. When you need to knock someone down verbally, most often they are standing emotionally taller than you. It is often said that what we dislike in others is what we dislike most about ourselves.



Confrontation: It Feels So Good! Confrontation is a process by which you tell your child (or anyone else) how you feel, or what you need, or want or observe, without tearing them down. This is often very difficult because of the intensity that can grip emotions at that moment. Being in control of our emotions and words is the only way confrontation can work. To confront others is to let them know your thoughts and feelings in a way that communicates respect for them as people. It does not tear down. Confrontation builds self-respect and gives people information. Here are some reasons why confrontation works better than criticism: 1. Confrontation communicates respect for the other person. When you confront

someone on some issue, you are actually comparing your views with someone else’s views.

2. Confrontation helps people listen. When you have an awkward or painful

message to share, confrontation keeps people listening. Criticism shuts people down. You have a better chance of others hearing your message when you use confrontation.

3. Confrontation provides useful information. People can do something with the

information they receive from confrontation. Criticism usually tells people what they have not done.

4. Confrontation generally promotes a friendship. True friends confront each

other on issues. They are sensitive to the feelings of each other. 5. Confrontation promotes change. Because people do not have to waste valuable

energy being defensive and angry, they can go about the business of doing something about what they are being confronted on.

6. Confrontation is always based out of respect. People who use confrontation

rather than criticism are generally more caring, nurturing and happier people.



Examples of Criticism and Confrontation Just like you can praise people for whom they are (being) and their behavior (doing), you can also criticize and confront others for being and doing. Some examples:

Criticism You’re just a lazy slob. Look at this messy room. What are you, some kind of pig?

Confrontation The room needs to be cleaned. I’m disappointed you haven’t cooperated and followed

our family rules.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Criticism Your breath stinks like a dead animal! What did you eat - a skunk?

Confrontation Your breath needs some mouth wash.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Criticism Don’t stay out late; don’t let the guy try anything funny; and don’t drink and drive.

Confrontation I expect you will be home by curfew. I also know that you will be careful and safe and

use good common sense. Have a good time.




Negotiation as Communication

Lesson 6.5 Every teenager and parent has at some time disagreed on clothes teenagers wear, friends they hang around with, curfew, make-up, or hairdos. Not always agreeing on things is normal. Teenagers have their views, feelings, and opinions – so do parents. Parents expect things to be done a certain way – so do teenagers. A nurturing family will attempt to work out their differences – not fight over them. In just about all cases, both the teenager and parents are never completely right all the time. Both views are valid simply because they belong to the people who have them. If you are a typical family, you have probably disagreed with each other many times. There is no magic formula to getting everyone to agree on everything all the time. There is a way of trying to achieve a solution to opposing views. This process is called Negotiation. Negotiation is used successfully in many situations. Differences between management and their employees, athletes and team owners, and heads of state from different nations agreeing to the terms of a peace treaty are just some of the many instances where negotiation is utilized as a process for helping resolve differences. Negotiation can be used to resolve differences between parents and teenagers. Let’s look at the following steps to see how negotiation works:

Steps for Negotiation and Compromise 1. When asking for something or stating a view, first determine if there is a difference of

opinion between you and your teen. 2. State your views and what you think the views of your teen are. Remember to be

confrontative but not critical. 3. Ask the other person if your impression of the problem and your understanding of

their views are accurate. Listen openly to their views. Do not walk away or argue, but listen. Remember, their views are equally as valid as yours.

4. Offer a compromise. Be sure to take into

account their views, as well as your own. Keep negotiating until a compromise is reached. Offer choices. People like to feel they have options. “You can clean your room now or you can clean your room after supper. Before you go out, however, the room should be cleaned.”



Sample Negotiating and Compromising Dialogue Step 1. Determine if there is a difference of opinion.

Mom: “Son, you and I seem to disagree on what time we should establish your curfew.”

Step 2. State your views and the views of the other person. Mom: “I believe your curfew should be 10 o’clock at night on weekdays.

In my opinion, that gives you plenty of time to be with your friends. However, you feel you should be able to stay out until 11 o’clock because you’re the only one coming in so early.”

Step 3. Get clarity. Mom: “Am I understanding what the problem is alright?” Son: “Yes. I’m the only one in the whole world who has to be home at

10 o’clock.

Step 4. Offer a Compromise. Offer choices. Mom: “I can see how you might feel a little funny being the only one

coming in at 10 o’clock. Tell you what, how about 10:15?” Son: “Still too early. How about 10:45?” Mom: “Too late. How about if we both compromise and say 10:30 p.m.?” Son: “Okay, 10:30 p.m. Other teens have to be in then too.”

Watch Out for Compromising Your Values Family values like no hitting, telling the truth, being honest, etc. are not issues you want to compromise. Personal integrity is something you have to live with. If you compromise what you believe in, ultimately anger will come through.




Problem Solving and Decision Making Worksheet

Lesson 6.7 1. Problem (goal) statement: 2. Whose problem is it? 3. What have you tried? 4. Refer to your goal statement – what do you want to see instead?



5. List ways to achieve the goal statement:

a. ___________________________________________

______________________________________

b. ___________________________________________

______________________________________

c. ___________________________________________

______________________________________

d. ___________________________________________

______________________________________

e. ___________________________________________

______________________________________

f. ___________________________________________

______________________________________

6. Pick out three of your favorite ideas from your goal statements in the above

list.

a) b) c)




Parent and Teen Communication Survey Lesson 7.2 The following statements address the issues of communication. Read each of the statements and rate them using the following:

0 = Doesn’t happen at all 1 = Seldom happens 2 = Happens occasionally 3 = Happens most of the time

Rate each item first from your point of view, then from you mother’s point of view; then from your father’s point of view.

Rate each item on a scale of 0 to 3 Teen’s View

Mom’s View

Dad’s View

1. I feel supported by my parents.

2. My parents and I speak honestly to each other.

3. When people mess up in my family, they’re likely to get a lecture.

4. We don’t always agree on issues, but at least my parents and I can talk about our differences without criticizing each other.

5. My parents want to hear my views on issues.

6. In my family, everyone’s opinions are important.

7. In my family, my parents always insist on having their way.

8. My parents are open to negotiating and compromising when we disagree on issues.

9. As a family, we try to solve our problems rather than ignore them.

10. My parents believe in me.

11. We praise each other regularly.

12. All family members are involved in making important family decisions.

13. Sometimes I feel really stupid when I express my opinions.

14. My parents are sensitive to the things I want to do as a family.

15. My parents criticize me more than they praise me.

16. We hold regular family meetings.

17. My parents ask me about my day and show interest.

18. Above all, my parents are fair.




My Beliefs and My Parents’ Beliefs

Lesson 7.3 Write down your views and what you think are the views of each of your parents on the following issues. Write your view first, then write your parents’ view. Teens Drinking Alcohol My View: _____________________________________________________________

My Mom’s View: _______________________________________________________

My Dad’s View: ________________________________________________________

Marriage My View: _____________________________________________________________

My Mom’s View: _______________________________________________________

My Dad’s View: ________________________________________________________

AIDS My View: _____________________________________________________________

My Mom’s View: _______________________________________________________

My Dad’s View: ________________________________________________________



Teenagers having sex My View: _____________________________________________________________

My Mom’s View: _______________________________________________________

My Dad’s View: ________________________________________________________

Gays as Teachers My View: _____________________________________________________________

My Mom’s View: _______________________________________________________

My Dad’s View: ________________________________________________________

Abortion My View: _____________________________________________________________

My Mom’s View: _______________________________________________________

My Dad’s View: ________________________________________________________

Homelessness My View: _____________________________________________________________

My Mom’s View: _______________________________________________________

My Dad’s View: ________________________________________________________

Having an Opinion My View: _____________________________________________________________

My Mom’s View: _______________________________________________________

My Dad’s View: _______________________________________________________




Family in a Room

Lesson 7.4 Imagine you’re looking down on a room with no furniture. Your family enters the room and moves around it until they find a space they are comfortable with. Draw a circle where each person is in this room and put their initials in this circle. It is important to remember that this room is a room without furniture and none of you have been in this room before.




Characteristics of an Ideal Family

Lesson 8.1 Please rate the following characteristics on a scale of 1 to 3.

1 = Not very important 2 = Sometimes important 3 = Very important

_______ 1. All family members treat each other with respect. _______ 2. Parents show love to their children. _______ 3. Parents show love to each other. _______ 4. Family members encourage each other and show interest in family members’ activities. _______ 5. Family members participate in activities together. _______ 6. All family members participate in household chores. _______ 7. Family members do not have problem with drugs and/or alcohol. _______ 8. The family has enough money to meet their needs. _______ 9. Religion is important to the family. _______ 10. All family members are healthy. _______ 11. The number of kids in the family is just right. _______ 12. Kids and parents can talk to each other about their opinions or ideas. _______ 13. All the kids in the family like each other and get along with each other. _______ 14. Your friends are welcome to visit you at your house. _______ 15. Family members can express a full range of emotions and feelings from joy to anger.



_______ 16. Kids have the freedom to try new things, such as activities, ideas, dress, etc. _______ 17. Grandparents or other important relatives such as aunts or uncles live with the family. _______ 18. Parents have a steady job. _______ 19. Mother stays at home to raise the children. _______ 20. Family has a nice house or apartment to live in.




Characteristics of MY Family

Lesson 8.2 Please rate your family using the following criteria on each of the characteristics presented.

1 = not present in my family 2 = rarely present in my family 3 = sometimes present in my family 4 = present most of the time in my family 5 = definitely present in my family

_______ 1. All family members treat each other with respect. _______ 2. Parents show love to their children. _______ 3. Parents show love to each other. _______ 4. Family members encourage each other and show interest in family members’ activities. _______ 5. Family members participate in activities together. _______ 6. All family members participate in household chores. _______ 7. Family members do not have problem with drugs and/or alcohol. _______ 8. The family has enough money to meet their needs. _______ 9. Religion is important to the family. _______ 10. All family members are healthy. _______ 11. The number of kids in the family is just right. _______ 12. Kids and parents can talk to each other about their opinions or ideas. _______ 13. All the kids in the family like each other and get along with each other. _______ 14. Your friends are welcome to visit you at your house. _______ 15. Family members can express a full range of emotions and feelings from joy to anger.



_______ 16. Kids have the freedom to try new things, such as activities, ideas, dress, etc. _______ 17. Grandparents or other important relatives such as aunts or uncles live with the family. _______ 18. Parents have a steady job. _______ 19. Mother stays at home to raise the children. _______ 20. Family has a nice house or apartment to live in.




My Mother

Lesson 8.3 Part I: My Mother My Mother’s Name: _________________________________________ First Middle Maiden Last Date of Birth: _________________________________________ Month Day Year Age: ____________________ Race: ____________________________

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ Her Parent’s Names: Mother: ___________________________________________ Father: ____________________________________________ Mom’s Sister’s Names: ____________________________________________________ Mom’s Brother’s Names: __________________________________________________

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦



Part II: Special Things About My Mother Favorite Color: _________________________________________________ Favorite Food: _________________________________________________ Favorite Activity: _______________________________________________________ Favorite things to wear: ___________________________________________________ Best Friend: _________________________________________________ Social/Community activities: ________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ Part III: My Relationship with My Mom 1. Three things I like BEST about my mom are:

a. ______________________________________________________________ b. ______________________________________________________________ c. ______________________________________________________________

2. Three things I like LEAST about my mom are:

a. ______________________________________________________________ b. ______________________________________________________________ c. ______________________________________________________________

3. One thing I expect from my mom is:



4. One thing I wish I could tell my mom is: What do you think she would say if you told her? What prevents you from telling her? Part IV: Complete only if your mom is absent by death, divorce or abandonment. 1. What do you know or remember about your mother? 2. What have you been told about your mother? 3. What is one feeling you have about your mother? 4. If your mother is deceased, when did she die? What do you remember about her? 5. What, if anything, would you like to tell your mom?




My Father

Lesson 8.4 Part I: My Father My Father’s Name: _________________________________________ First Middle Maiden Last Date of Birth: _________________________________________ Month Day Year Age: ____________________ Race: ____________________________

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ His Parent’s Names: Mother: ___________________________________________ Father: ____________________________________________ Mom’s Sister’s Names: ____________________________________________________ Mom’s Brother’s Names: __________________________________________________

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦



Part II: Special Things About My Father Favorite Color: _________________________________________________ Favorite Food: _________________________________________________ Favorite Activity: _______________________________________________________ Favorite things to wear: ___________________________________________________ Best Friend: _________________________________________________ Social/Community activities: ________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ Part III: My Relationship with My Dad 1. Three things I like BEST about my dad are:

a. ______________________________________________________________ b. ______________________________________________________________ c. ______________________________________________________________

2. Three things I like LEAST about my dad are:

a. ______________________________________________________________ b. ______________________________________________________________ c. ______________________________________________________________

3. One thing I expect from my dad is:



4. One thing I wish I could tell my dad is: What do you think he would say if you told him? What prevents you from telling him? Part IV: Complete only if your dad is absent by death, divorce or abandonment. 1. What do you know or remember about your dad? 2. What have you been told about your dad? 3. What is one feeling you have about your dad? 4. If your father is deceased, when did he die? What do you remember about him? 5. What, if anything, would you like to tell your dad?




My Siblings Lesson 8.5 Part I: My Brothers and Sisters I have _________ brothers and _________ sisters. Name Age Date of Birth

Part II: List each brother and sister and tell what you like BEST and LEAST about them. Name What I like BEST What I like LEAST



Part III: Photos of my brothers and sisters (can be individual or group photos) Put their names and ages underneath the picture(s).

Part IV: Complete only if you have a brother or sister who is deceased: Name: _______________________________ Date he/she died: ____________________________________ How did he/she die? ____________________________________________________ One memory of my brother/sister is:




My Extended Family Lesson 8.6

Part I: My Dad’s Parents names: Mom: _______________________ Date of Birth: ____________ Place of Birth: ________________ Dad: _______________________ Date of Birth: ____________ Place of Birth: ________________

Part II: My Mom’s Parents names: Mom: _______________________ Date of Birth: ______________ Place of Birth: _______________ Dad: _______________________ Date of Birth: ______________ Place of Birth: _______________

Part III: Photos of My Grandparents:

My Dad’s Parents My Mom’s Parents



Part IV: Special Things Complete the following sentences with a memory, quality or feeling about that person: 1. When I think of my dad’s mom, I _______________________________________

_________________________________________________________________ 2. When I think of my dad’s dad, I _______________________________________

_________________________________________________________________ 3. When I think of my mom’s mom, I _______________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

4. When I think of my mom’s dad, I _______________________________________ _________________________________________________________________

Part V: Complete only if your grandparent(s) are deceased: Name: _______________________________ Date he/she died: ___________________ How old were you when he/she died? ____________ How did he/she die? ____________________________________________________

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ Name: _______________________________ Date he/she died: ___________________ How old were you when he/she died? ____________ How did he/she die? ____________________________________________________





Part VI: Other Extended Family

1. List relatives (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) or other significant adults who live with

you right now:

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

2. How long have they been part of your extended family?

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

a. What do you like best about having them live with you?

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

b. What do you like least about having them live with you?

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

3. If you could ask anyone to be a part of your extended family right now, who would it

be and why?

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________




Ten Things I Value Lesson 8.7 List ten things, people, aspects of life, etc. you value. After listing ten items, rank them in order from 1 – 10; one (1) having the MOST value and ten (10) having the least value.

Rank

1. _______________________________________________________ _____

2. ______________________________________________________ _____

3. ______________________________________________________ _____

4. _______________________________________________________ _____

5. _______________________________________________________ _____

6. _______________________________________________________ _____

7. _______________________________________________________ _____

8. _______________________________________________________ _____

9. _______________________________________________________ _____

10. _______________________________________________________ _____




Family Values Worksheet Lesson 8.8 For each of the items, put the following symbols according to your family values:

+ if it is a family value 0 if it is sometimes important to your family / if it is not a family value

_____ 1. My family eats at least one meal a day together.

_____ 2. My family watches TV together.

_____ 3. My family attends church, temple, mosque, etc. together.

_____ 4. My parent(s) read to their children.

_____ 5. My family prefers to do things individually.

_____ 6. My parent(s) are rarely home in the evenings or on weekends.

_____ 7. My parent(s) would rather spend time with adults than with their kids.

_____ 8. My parent(s) want their kids to have at least a high school education.

_____ 9. My parent(s) want to know where I am.

_____ 10. My parent(s) want to know my friends.

_____ 11. My parent(s) exercise regularly and encourage their kids to exercise also.

_____ 12. Everyone in my family does chores.

_____ 13. My family respects each other’s personal space.

_____ 14. My family respects each other’s possessions.

_____ 15. “Street” smarts are important to my family.

_____ 16. My family is proud of their ethnicity and family history.

_____ 17. My family believes it’s important to be a productive member of society.

_____ 18. My family does fun activities together.

_____ 19. My family abuses drugs/alcohol.

_____ 20. Money, power, and status are important to my family.




My Family’s Rules

Lesson 9.2 Complete the following worksheet by identifying family rules your family currently has and ones you would like to see them have. Make sure you list DO’s and DON’Ts. Check of the rules your family has Are written or unwritten rules.

Current Family Rules Check DO’s Don’ts written unwritten 1. _______________________________ _________________________________ _____ _____ 2. _______________________________ _________________________________ _____ _____ 3. _______________________________ _________________________________ _____ _____ 4. _______________________________ _________________________________ _____ _____ 5. _______________________________ _________________________________ _____ _____



Family Rules I Would Like to Have Check DO’s Don’ts written unwritten

1. _______________________________ _________________________________ _____ _____ 2. _______________________________ _________________________________ _____ _____ 3. _______________________________ _________________________________ _____ _____ 4. _______________________________ _________________________________ _____ _____ 5. _______________________________ _________________________________ _____ _____




Domestic Violence

Lesson 9.4

Why Victims Remain in Abusive Situations Before a community program can be sensitive to the needs of the victims, it is important to understand why she may choose to remain in the home with the abuser. Many theories have been proposed to explain this reluctance on the victim’s part to leave a violent situation – most are controversial and none are totally conclusive. Most often, however, they include: (1) the frequency and severity of abuse; (2) the victim’s acceptance of abuse; (3) the victim’s financial dependence upon her spouse/partner; (5) the victim’s feelings toward the abuser; and (6) the victim’s sense of shame about the abusive situation. 1. The frequency and Severity of the Abuse Incidents of domestic abuse tend to escalate in both frequency and severity.

Unless she has never been exposed to violence before, a woman may overlook the early isolated events. She may make excuses for her mate’s behavior as incidents increase, failing to realize that she has become part of a set pattern. The abuse may at first be infrequent and injuries minor. But the very fact that the abuse was started or repeated should indicate that something is going wrong.

2. The Victim’s Acceptance of Abuse Victims often blame themselves for causing abusive situations and feel they

“deserved it.” They may gradually find themselves unconsciously accepting more responsibility for the increasing violence, and feel that they only need to meet some set of unclear expectations in order to earn the abusers’ approval and avoid their violence. They are, in effect, accepting the abuse.

3. The Victim’s Financial Dependence on Her Spouse/Partner

The husband often controls all of the material assets of the family. The woman may not be employed outside the home and may have several dependent children. Even a woman who is employed realistically feels she cannot support the family on only one income. How can she possibly do justice to raising her children when earning the only income? The financial dependency and feelings of guilt that she will not be able to do enough for her children if she leaves will often keep a victim in an abusive situation.



4. The Victim’s Low Self-Esteem Even women with marketable skills can feel worthless and unable to compete

in a larger environment. As the violence escalates, so may the family’s isolation. The woman has fewer chances to talk, to regain perspective or to test whether she is really at fault and without value. She may have been constantly belittled and made to feel inferior by the very person closest to her. With her self-esteem lowered, a woman can feel emotionally unable to be alone and incomplete without a mate.

5. The Victim’s Feelings toward the Abuser and Their Home Early in the relationship the woman probably had positive feelings toward her

mate. She may even feel that she loves him during the abusive situation. He may be contrite and very loving after an incident of violence. In fact, these post-abuse periods are often the best times in their relationship and she may be unwilling to lose these pleasant moments. Often a woman has a surprisingly insightful understanding of the motivation behind her man’s violence. Consequently, she feels she can excuse the violence because she understands its roots.

Closely tied to the victim’s reluctance to leave the abusive situation are her feelings about her home. The decision to leave one’s home is a major one and cannot be undertaken easily by any individual. Most likely, the woman has done most of the work in creating the home, acquiring possessions, and conveniently arranging all the necessities of life. This home is part of her life. Her children were born or raised here. Their heights are measured on the closet door. The violence must be very bad indeed to cause her to leave. She is much more likely to initially attempt other means of stopping the violence. For this reason, programs that envision only shelters as an alternative are quite good starting points, but not nearly helpful enough to compensate for her loss.

6. The Victim’s Sense of Shame about the Abusive Situation Often the woman is reluctant to discuss the fact that she is being beaten. She

does not want to be asked why she puts up with it, why she allows him to get away with it. She sees other women in relationships where there is no beating and this may reinforce her feeling of “it must be.” She withdraws from friends and family out of this sense of shame and the fact that “they know.”

If there has been no verbal recognition of the family violence, it can be treated

by the victim, the abuser, even the family and the neighbors as though it did not exist – at least temporarily. The significance of the interview in the emergency services is that it does break through the isolation concealment. It forces a woman to confront her feelings and the situation as it really is. Even though the violence has been observed by others and documented in hospital charts, a woman cannot mobilize her energies for change until she has admitted to the cause of her injuries and decided she wants to do something about it.



Why Men Beat Women In order to help the victim of abuse, some knowledge is needed regarding the abuser. Many theories have been advanced that give insight into the reasons for this behavior. Here again, these theories have not been proven but reflect documented patterns of abuse. Primary among these patterns of abuse are: (1) projection of blame for the abuse on the victim; (2) failure by the victim to conform to the abuser’s definition of her role; (3) transference of anger engendered by non-domestic sources and (4) violence around sexual issues.

1. Projection of Blame It is not unusual for the offender to feel that hitting the victim was justified. “If

she would do what she was told, I wouldn’t have to hit her” and “she asked for it” are two commonly expressed “reasons” for abuse. The abuse is legitimate in the eyes of the abuser.

2. The Victim’s Failure to Conform to Abuser’s Definition or Ideas of Her Role. The idea of male supremacy is still prevalent in American society. The very

climate of the times, however, seems to challenge this long-held belief. There is a burgeoning awareness among woman – and even some far-sighted men – that the old order must be altered just to survive. As a result of changing social values, better educated women, and spiraling inflation, women are no longer willing to accept and forgive a man’s infidelity and sexual indiscretions and attribute them to “just the way men are.” The old double standard no longer applies.

The sexual revolution of the last decade or so has resulted, and continues to result, in a set of circumstances that has drastically changed male-female relationships and heightened the feeling of loss of control for men. Men harboring such notions are primary candidates for spouse abuse.

3. Transference of Anger Engendered by Non-Domestic Sources Researchers have often argued that conjugal violence is more likely to occur in

families in the lower levels of society. Lack of money, power, or prestige often results in frustration, bitterness, and anger that culminate in domestic abuse. A man who feels inferior to his neighbors or co-workers may try to compensate by demanding to be the king of his castle, or master of his wife.




Peer Survey Lesson 10.2 Circle True (T) or False (F).

1. I’d rather be with my friends than with my family. T F 2.

My friends are more important to me than my parents.

T F

3.

I’m more free to be me when I’m with my friends than I am

when I’m with my family. T F 4.

My parents think my friends are a bad influence on me.

T F

5.

I wish my parents would get to know and like my friends.

T F

6.

I would like to be able to bring my friends over to my house.

T F

7.

My friends are a negative influence on me.

T F

8.

When my friends want to do something I don’t want to do, I

usually go along with them anyway. T F 9.

My friends are a positive influence on me.

T F

10.

I can easily say no to my friends.

T F



Complete the following...

11. When I’m with my friends, I feel:

12. When I’m with my family I feel: 13. Three characteristics I look for in a friend are:




Understanding and Handling Peer Pressure Lesson 10.3

Facts About Peer Pressure

1. Peer pressure often refers to the influence exerted by a peer group in encouraging a person to change his or her attitudes, values and behavior in order to conform to group norms.

2. Peer pressure can be positive or negative. The difference between the two is

the outcome. 3. Peer pressure is a normal aspect of the lives of all people. It is primarily mentioned

in relationship to teens, but all age groups experience peer pressure. 4. The key to managing the influence a peer group can have is by selecting

friends that mirror the same morals and values as you have. 5. Parents often feel their teen’s peer group has a negative influence on their son or

daughter. The facts show peer groups often have a much more positive influence on an individual since the peer group is usually made up of friends with similar morals and values.

Ways to Handle Peer Pressure

1. Strong Sense of Self Awareness. Awareness is the backbone of knowing what you believe to be good and bad, acceptable and unacceptable which form your morals. Morals form the path you consciously take in making choices. Knowing what you believe in is a good first step for handling pressure from your peers.

2. Strong Sense of Confidence. Knowing what you believe in is a good first step.

The second step is having a strong conviction in your beliefs. Strong convictions are the pillars of rejecting the pressure that peers can send your way.



3. “Be Like Mike”. So the saying goes. Actually you’re better off being yourself. It never quite works out the way you hope for in being like someone else. Be yourself and embrace the beliefs you have. A strong self, who is self-aware, with a strong sense of conviction can withstand the need to be like others so you can be accepted by others.

4. Acceptance. How are you doing in your need to be accepted by others? We all

want to fit in and be accepted by others, but at what cost? True friends will not pressure you into doing something you really don’t want to do.

5. Sense of Humor. “Hey, I’d love to smoke that cigarette, but I usually kiss my

mother goodnight and I don’t want her to smell the cigarette on my breath.” Your peer group is apt to go goofy with the thought that you kiss your mother goodnight and forget all about the fact that they wanted you to try smoking. Other ridiculous excuses can also work if you don’t like the “kissing my mother” one.

6. Source of the Peer Pressure. Are you trying to fit in and be like members of your

group or is the group pressuring you to be like them? Where is the pressure coming from?

7. Walk away. “Sorry guys I got to go. Catch you later.” Then walk away. 8. Say No Thanks. Remember saying “No” is short and to the point.




Understanding and Handling Bullies

Lesson 10.4 Facts about Bullying 1. Bullying is a form of abuse. It comprises repeated acts over time that involve a real

or perceived imbalance of power with the more powerful individual or group abusing those who are less powerful.

2. There are three types of Bullying: Emotional Verbal Physical

3. Definition of Bullying: An act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual or group behaving in certain way to gain power over another person.

4. Bullying may include: name calling verbal or written abuse exclusion from activities exclusion from social activities physical abuse coercion

5. Two types of Bullying: Direct and Indirect

a. Direct bullying involves a great deal of physical aggression such as shoving, poking, throwing things, slapping, choking, punching, kicking, beating, stabbing, pulling hair, scratching, biting, scraping and pinching.

b. Indirect bullying, also called social aggression, is characterized by threatening the victim into social isolation. This is accomplished by:

spreading gossip refusing to socialize with the victim bullying other people who wish to socialize with the victim criticizing the victim’s manner of dress, religion, race, disability giggling and laughing at the victim staring mocking saying certain words that trigger a reaction from a past event.



6. Effects of bullying on victims can include: long-term emotional and behavioral problems loneliness depression anxiety low self-esteem increased susceptibility to illness in some cases, suicide

7. Characteristics of bullies include:

Bullies have personalities that are authoritarian combined with a strong desire to control or dominate

A prejudicial view of others: race, gender, sexual preference, physical size Some bullies have feelings of resentment and envy Others use bullying as a way to conceal shame and anxiety or to boost self-esteem By demeaning others, the bully feels empowered Many bullies suffer from personality disorders, depression, addiction to aggressive behaviors,

and engaging in obsessive or rigid actions Others are lacking anger management skills which include using force, mistaking others’

actions as hostile, and concern with preserving a self-image Bullies may bully because they themselves were victims of bullying

8. What to do if You are Being Bullied

Talk to your parents or an adult you can trust such as a teacher, school counselor or coach. Many teens don’t talk to adults because they feel embarrassed, ashamed or fearful and believe they should handle the problem themselves.

Some DO NOT’s:

Do not blame yourself. It’s not your fault. Do not retaliate against the bully or let the bully see how much he has upset you. Do not resort to violence or carry a weapon.

Some DO’s:

Stay calm, respond evenly and firmly Say nothing and walk away Act confident. Hold your head up, stand up straight, make eye contact, and walk confidently Use humor if it can defuse the situation Try to make friends with other students. A bully is more likely to leave you alone if you are with

your friends If possible, avoid situations where bullying can happen If possible, avoid being alone with bullies Find a different way to travel if bullying occurs to or from school Take time to rebuild your self-confidence. Being bullied can affect your belief in your self




My Cyber World

Lesson 11.1 Please read each question carefully and answer honestly using the follow rating scale:

SA - Strongly Agree A - Agree U - Uncertain D - Disagree SD - Strongly Disagree

SA A U D SD

1. I have a social networking website.

2. I text my friends and other people more than I talk to them.

3. I have been cyber bullied (either by text or web).

4. Cyber bullying is not as big a problem as people believe.

5. Receiving a “sex text” is not as bad as being bullied.

6. I purchase items on the internet.

7. I worry that my identity will be stolen.

8. I spend 3 to 5 hours a day on social networking.

9. I would consider meeting a stranger that I only talked to online.

10. Most online sexual predators are explicit with their intentions.

11. When I’ve been cyber bullied, I tell a trusted adult.

12. When I’ve been cyber bullied, I tell a friend.

13. It’s okay for very young children to be on the internet without parental supervision.

14. I have seen someone I know trashed by cyber bullying.

15. Most teens know how to hide from their parents what they do online.




Cyber bullying Stats and Facts

Lesson 11.2 What Counts as Cyber bullying? Cyber bullying is the use of technology to harass, threaten, embarrass, or target another person. Online threats or "flames" (rude texts, IMs, or messages) count. So does posting personal information or videos designed to hurt or embarrass someone else. Online bullying can be easier to commit than other acts of bullying because the bully doesn't have to confront the victim in person. Some cyber bullies probably don't realize just how hurtful their actions are. By definition, cyber bullying involves young people. If an adult sends the messages or notes, it may meet the legal definition of cyber-harassment or cyber-stalking. Virtual Acts, Real Consequences Because of the role technology plays in our lives, there is often no place to hide from bullies. Online bullying can happen at home as well as school (even in the coffee shop or anywhere else people go online). And it can happen 24 hours a day. Sometimes, online bullying, like other kinds of bullying, can leave people at risk for serious problems: Stress from being in a constant state of upset or fear can lead to problems with mood, energy level, sleep, and appetite. It can also make someone feel jumpy, anxious, or sad.

It's not just the person being bullied who gets hurt — the punishment for cyber bullies can be serious. More and more schools and after-school programs are creating systems to respond to cyber bullying. Schools may kick bullies off sports teams or suspend them from school. Some types of cyber bullying may violate school codes or even break anti-discrimination or sexual harassment laws, so a bully may face serious legal trouble.

Why Do People Do It? Why would someone be a cyber-bully? There are probably as many reasons as there are bullies themselves. Sometimes, what seems like cyber bullying may be accidental.



The impersonal nature of text messages, IMs, and emails makes it very hard to detect a sender's tone, and one person's joke could be another's devastating insult. Most people know when they're being bullied, though, as bullying involves relentless teasing or threats. The people doing the bullying know they've crossed a line too. It's not one off joke or insult, it's constant harassment and threats. Intentional online bullying can be a sign that the bully is feeling hurt, frustrated, or angry, and is lashing out at others. The popularity of instant messaging, e-mail, web pages, text messaging, and blogging means that kids are potential targets – all day, every day. Victimization on the internet through cyber bullying is increasing in frequency and scope. Electronic bullies can remain “virtually” anonymous. Temporary e-mail accounts and pseudonyms in chat rooms, instant messaging programs, and other Internet venues can make it very difficult for adolescents to determine the identity of aggressors. Individuals now have the ability to hide behind some measure of anonymity when using their personal computer or cellular phone to bully another individual.




Cyber bullying Tactics

Lesson 11.3

What to do? If you're being bullied, harassed, or teased in a hurtful way — or know someone who is — there is no reason to suffer in silence. In fact, you absolutely should report upsetting IMs, emails, texts, etc.

1. Tell someone. Most experts agree: the first thing to do is tell an

adult you trust. This is often easier said than done. Teens who are cyber bullied may feel embarrassed or reluctant to report a bully. But, bullying can escalate so speak up until you find someone to help.

Most parents are so concerned about protecting their kids that sometimes they

focus on taking all precautions to stop the bullying. If you're being bullied and worry about losing your Internet or phone privileges, explain your fears to your parents.

Let them know how important it is to stay connected, and work with them to

figure out a solution that doesn't leave you feeling punished as well. You may have to do some negotiating on a safe cell phone or the use of a computer— the most important thing is to first get the bullying under control.

You can also talk to your school counselor or trusted teacher or other family

member. If the bullying feels like it's grinding your life down, counseling can help. If you're not ready for that, you can still benefit from the support of a trusted adult.

2. Walk away. That tip you’ve heard about walking away from a real-life bully works in the virtual

world too. Knowing that you can step away from the computer (or turn off your phone) allows you to keep things in perspective and focus on the good things in your life. Ignoring bullies is the best way to take away their power. Sometimes ignoring a bully isn’t easy to do – just try the best you can.



3. Report it to your service provider. Sites like Face book, MySpace, or YouTube take it seriously when people use

their sites to post cruel or mean stuff or set up fake accounts. If users report abuse, the site administrator may block the bully from using the site in future. You can also complain to phone service or email providers (such as Gmail, Verizon, Comcast, and Yahoo) if someone is bothering you.

4. Block the bully. Most devices have settings that allow you to electronically block the bully or bullies

from sending notes. If you don't know how to do this, ask a friend or adult who does. 5. Don't respond. Resist the urge to "fight back." In some cases, standing up to a bully can be

effective, but it's also more likely to provoke the person and escalate the situation. Ask an adult to intervene instead - after all, fighting fire with fire just leaves everything burned.

Although it's not a good idea to respond to a bully, it

is a good idea to save evidence of the bullying if you can. It can help you prove your case, if needed. You don't have to keep mean emails, texts, or other communications where you see them all the time — you can forward them to a parent or save them to a flash drive.

6. Be safe online. Passwords protect your cell phone and your online sites, and change your

passwords often. Be sure to share your passwords only with your parent o r gua rd ian . It's also wise to think twice before sharing personal information or photos/videos that you don't want the world to see. Once you've posted a photo or message, it can be difficult or impossible to delete. So remind yourself to be cautious when posting photos or responding to someone's upsetting message.

If a Friend Is a Bully If it seems like bullying is getting worst you are probably right. It seems to be happening at earlier ages and with more frequency. How to stop Cyber bullying is also on the increase. Here are some bullying statistics, Cyber bullying statistics and school bullying statistics that will open your eyes to the facts about bullying today. While there is no place safe from bullying there are areas where bullying is worse. School bullying statistics and Cyber bullying statistics rank the five top worst states for bullying: 1. California, 2. New York, 3. Illinois, 4. Pennsylvania, 5. Washington.



School bullying statistics and Cyber bullying statistics show that 77% of students are bullied mentally, verbally and physically.

When it comes to school bullying statistics of high school students, 15% reported

one to three bullying incidents in the last month and 3.4% 10 times or more. Cyber bullying statistics are being compiled.

23% of elementary students reported being bullied one to three times in the last

month school bullying statistics say. Cyber bullying statistics are not yet available for this group.

Recent bullying statistics admit that half of all bullying incidents go unreported.

Cyber bullying statistics indicate even less of these are reported.

Bullying statistics report 100,000 students carry a gun to school.

In a recent study, 77% of the students said they had been bullied. Cyber bullying

statistics reveal similar numbers. And 14% of those who were bullied said they experienced severe (bad) reactions to the abuse.

If you see a friend acting as a cyber-bully, take him or her aside and gently talk about it. Perhaps there's a reason behind the bullying and you can help your friend think about what it is. Or, if you don't know the person well enough to talk about feelings, just stand up for your own principles: Let the bully know it's not cool. Explain that it can have very serious consequences for the bully as well as "bystanders" like you and your friends who may feel stressed out or upset about what's going on.




Safe Texting

Lesson 11.4 Lexi bumped into someone at the mall. Curtis slammed into a parking meter. Ryan tripped over a bag at the airport. You've probably seen it, and maybe you've even laughed. People can end up in some pretty goofy situations when they text and walk at the same time. Believe it or not, people can also get hurt. The American College of Emergency Physicians warns people about texting on the move. ER docs who treat people like Curtis (he cracked his ribs in his encounter with the parking meter) say that we need to be more cautious about when and where we text. What’s the Big D e a l ? The problem is multitasking. No matter how young and agile we are, the human brain just isn't capable of doing several things at once and giving full attention to all of them. So you can get into some major danger if you try to text in situations that require your full focus. When you text you're thinking about what to say, concentrating on what your thumbs are doing, and reading constantly incoming messages rather than paying attention to what you're doing or where you're going. And that significantly ups your risk of getting hurt or injuring others. It doesn't matter if you can text without looking at the keypad. Even if texting feels like second nature, your brain is still trying to do two things at once — and one of them is bound to get less attention. Texting also prevents you from paying close attention to what's going on around you, something that's especially important in situations where you need to have your guard up, like walking home after dark. Your reaction time is also likely to be much slower if you're texting. If you're about to run into someone or something else, you may not have time to act before it's too late.



When Texting Turns Tragic Texting while walking can even be fatal. One woman in San Francisco was killed when she walked right into the path of a pickup truck. That's rare, of course. But texting is more likely to contribute to car crashes. We know this because police and other authorities sometimes use a driver's phone records to check for phone and text activity in the seconds and minutes before a fatal crash. When people text while behind the wheel, they're focusing their attention — and often their eyes — on something other than the road. In fact, driving while texting (DWT) can be more dangerous than driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Texting from behind the wheel is against the law in almost 20 states and the District of Columbia. Many more states are trying to put DWT regulations into action. Even in states without specific laws, if you swerve all over the place, cut off cars, or bring on a collision because of texting, you could still be charged with reckless driving. That may mean a ticket, a lost license, or even jail time if you cause a fatal crash.

Tips for Texting Avoid texting when:

walking running or jogging riding a bike skateboarding inline skating using fitness equipment (like a treadmill) sitting alone or walking in crowds, especially at night (when you may be at

greater risk of a theft or assault) operating machinery (like a lawnmower or the fryer at work) driving any kind of vehicle (including ATVs, snowmobiles, jet skis, and boats)



Safe Texting It's hard to live without texting. So the best thing to do is manage how and when we text, choosing the right time and place. Here are three ways to make sure your messaging doesn't interfere with your focus — or your life: 1. Always put your phone in an easily accessible place, like a specific pouch or

pocket in your backpack or purse so it's easy to find. 2. If you need to text right away, stop what you're doing or pull off the road. 3. Turn off your phone completely when you're doing anything that requires your full

attention. That way there's less temptation to answer calls or texts. To avoid an injury — whether it's a cut on your face or a bruise to your ego — or a horrible tragedy, try to use your best judgment. Text only when you're not putting yourself or others in harm's way. And if you're riding in a car with a driver who is texting, ask him or her to stop or try not to ride with that person again.




Anorexia and Bulimia

Lesson 12.1 Eating disorders are so common in America that 1 or 2 out of every 100 students will struggle with one. Eating disorders are more than just going on a diet to lose weight or trying to make sure you exercise every day. They're extremes in eating behavior — the diet that never ends and gradually gets more restrictive, for example. Or the person who can't go out with friends because he or she thinks it's more important to go running to work off a piece of candy. The most common types of eating disorder are anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa (usually called simply "anorexia" and "bulimia").

Anorexia a. People with anorexia have an extreme fear of weight gain and a distorted view of

their body size and shape. As a result, they can't maintain a normal body weight. b. Some people with anorexia restrict their food intake by dieting, fasting, or

excessive exercise. They hardly eat at all — and the small amount of food they do eat becomes an obsession.

c. Other people with anorexia do something called binge eating and purging, where

they eat a lot of food and then try to get rid of the calories by forcing themselves to vomit, using laxatives, or exercising excessively.

Bulimia a. Bulimia is similar to anorexia. With bulimia, a person binge eats (eats a lot

of food) and then tries to compensate in extreme ways, such as forced vomiting or excessive exercise, to prevent weight gain. Over time, these steps can be dangerous.

b. To be diagnosed with bulimia, a person must be binging and purging regularly,

at least twice a week for a couple of months.



c. People with bulimia eat a large amount of food (often junk food) at once, usually in secret. The person typically feels powerless to stop the eating and can only stop once he or she is too full to eat any more. Most people with bulimia then purge by vomiting, but may also use laxatives or excessive exercise.

d. Although anorexia and bulimia are very similar, people with anorexia are usually

very thin and underweight but those with bulimia may be a normal weight or even overweight.

Anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder all involve unhealthy eating patterns that begin gradually and build to the point where a person feels unable to control them.

Anorexia and Bulimia: What to Look For Here are some signs that a person may have anorexia or bulimia:

Anorexia becomes very thin, frail, or emaciated obsessed with eating, food, and weight control weighs herself or himself repeatedly counts or portions food carefully only eats certain foods, avoiding foods like dairy, meat, wheat, etc. (of

course, lots of people who are allergic to a particular food or are vegetarians

avoid certain foods) exercises excessively feels fat withdraws from social activities, especially meals and celebrations involving

food may be depressed, lethargic (lacking in energy), and feel cold a lot

Bulimia fears weight gain intensely unhappy with body size, shape, and weight makes excuses to go to the bathroom immediately after meals may only eat diet or low-fat foods (except during binges) regularly buys laxatives, diuretics, or enemas spends most of his or her time working out or trying to work off calories withdraws from social activities, especially meals and celebrations

involving food.

What Causes Eating Disorders? No one is really sure what causes eating disorders, although there are many theories about why people develop them. Many people who develop an eating disorder are between 13 and 17 years old. This is a time of emotional and physical changes, academic pressures, and a greater degree of peer pressure.



Although there is a sense of greater independence during the teen years, teens might feel that they are not in control of their personal freedom and, sometimes, of their bodies. This can be especially true during puberty. For girls, even though it's completely normal (and necessary) to gain some additional body fat during puberty, some respond to this change by becoming very fearful of their new weight. They might mistakenly feel compelled to get rid of it any way they can. Combine the pressure to be like celebrity role models with the fact that during puberty our bodies change, it's not hard to see why some teens develop a negative view of themselves. Many people with eating disorders also can be depressed or anxious, or have other mental health problems such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). There is also evidence that eating disorders may run in families. Although part of this may be in our genes, it's also because we learn our values and behaviors from our families. Athletes and dancers are particularly vulnerable to developing eating disorders around the time of puberty, as they may want to stop or suppress growth (both height and weight).

Effects of Eating Disorders Eating disorders are serious medical illnesses. They often go along with other problems such as stress, anxiety, depression, and substance use. People with eating disorders also can have serious physical health problems, such as heart conditions or kidney failure. People who weigh at least 15% less than the normal weight for their height may not have enough body fat to keep their organs and other body parts healthy. In severe cases, eating disorders can lead to severe malnutrition and even death. With anorexia, the body goes into starvation mode, and the lack of nutrition can affect the body in many ways:

a drop in blood pressure, pulse, and breathing rate hair loss and fingernail breakage loss of periods lanugo hair — a soft hair that can grow all over the skin lightheadedness and inability to concentrate anemia swollen joints brittle bones

With bulimia, constant vomiting and lack of nutrients can cause these problems:

constant stomach pain damage to a person's stomach and kidneys tooth decay (from exposure to stomach acids)



"chipmunk cheeks," when the salivary glands permanently expand from throwing up so often

loss of periods loss of the mineral potassium (this can contribute to heart problems and even

death) The emotional pain of an eating disorder can take its toll, too. When a person becomes obsessed with weight, it's hard to concentrate on much else. Many people with eating disorders become withdrawn and less social. People with eating disorders might not join in on snacks and meals with their friends or families, and they often don't want to break from their intense exercise routine to have fun. People with eating disorders often spend a lot of mental energy on planning what they eat, how to avoid food, or their next binge, spend a lot of their money on food, hide in the bathroom for a long time after meals, or make excuses for going on long walks (alone) after a meal.

Treatment for Eating Disorders Fortunately, people with eating disorders can get well and gradually learn to eat normally again. Eating disorders involve both the mind and body. So medical doctors, mental health professionals, and dietitians will often be involved in a person's treatment and recovery. Therapy or counseling is a critical part of treating eating disorders — in many cases, family therapy is one of the keys to eating healthily again. Parents and other family members are important in helping a person see that his or her normal body shape is perfectly fine and that being excessively thin can be dangerous. If you want to talk to someone about eating disorders and you don't feel as though you can approach a parent, try talking to a teacher, a neighbor, your doctor, or another trusted adult. Remember that eating disorders are very common among teens. Treatment options depend on each person and their families, but many options are available to help you overcome an eating disorder. Therapy can help you feel in charge again and learn to like your body, just as it is.




Binge Eating Information taken from TeensHealth™ kidshealth.org

Lesson 12.2 People with a binge eating problem consume unusually large amounts of food on a regular basis. They often eat quickly, do other things while eating (like watch TV or do homework), and don't stop eating when they're full. People who binge eat are usually overweight — even obese — because they habitually consume more calories than their bodies can use. As a result, they may feel bad about themselves and about their bodies. With binge eating, a person feels out of control and powerless to stop eating while doing it. That's why binge eating is also called compulsive overeating. Emotions often play a role. People with a binge eating problem may overeat when they feel stressed, upset, hurt, or angry. Many find it comforting and soothing to eat, but after a binge they're likely to feel guilty and sad about the out-of-control eating. Binge eating is often a mixed-up way of dealing with or avoiding difficult emotions. Usually, people who binges eat aren't aware of what's driving them to overeat. How Binge Eating Differs from other Eating Disorders Anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating are all considered e a t i n g disorders because they involve unhealthy patterns of eating. Both binge eating and bulimia involve eating too much food, feeling out of control while eating, and feeling guilty or ashamed afterward. Unlike bulimia, people with binge eating disorder do not use vomiting or laxatives to purge as a way to control weight. People with binge eating problems are usually overweight. They may try to diet, but often the diets are extreme or unhealthy. Efforts to adopt healthier ways of eating are often short-lived and unsuccessful. Both bulimia and binge eating involve out-of-control overeating. Anorexia involves under eating, or restricting food. People with anorexia are obsessively pre-occupied with thinness and starve themselves to feel more in control. A distorted



body image leads them to believe they're fat — even though they actually may be dangerously thin. Binging, anorexia and bulimia eating disorders involve unhealthy eating patterns that begin gradually and build to the point where a person feels unable to control them. All eating disorders can lead to serious health consequences, and all involve emotional distress. Why Do Some People Binge Eat? Most experts believe that it takes a combination of things to develop an eating disorder- including a person's genes, emotions, and behaviors (such as eating patterns) learned during childhood. Some people may be more prone to overeating for biological reasons. For example, the h y p o t h a l a m u s (the part of the brain that controls appetite) may fail to send proper messages about hunger and fullness. And serotonin, a normal brain chemical that affects mood and some compulsive behaviors, may also play a role in binge eating. In most cases, the unhealthy overeating habits that develop into binge eating start during childhood, sometimes as a result of eating habits learned in the family. Some families may overuse food as a way to soothe or comfort. When this is the case, kids may grow up with a habit of overeating to soothe themselves when they're feeling pressured because they may not have learned healthier ways to deal with stress. Both males and females can have eating disorders. Anorexia and bulimia appear to be more common among girls. But binge eating seems to be just as likely to affect males as females.

Signs of a Binge Eating Problem Someone with a binge eating problem might:

binge eat more than twice a week for 6 months or more eat much more rapidly than normal eat until uncomfortably full eat large amounts of food even when not hungry eat alone because of embarrassment feel disgusted, depressed, embarrassed, ashamed, angry, or guilty after binge

eating gain weight excessively



Getting Help People with eating disorders need professional help because problems like binge eating can be caused by brain chemistry and other things that seem beyond someone's control. Doctors, counselors, and nutrition experts often work together to help those with eating disorders manage their eating, weight, and feelings.

Nutrition specialists or dietitians can help people learn about healthy eating behaviors, nutritional needs, portion sizes, metabolism, and exercise. They also can he lp design an eating plan that's specially designed for someone's needs and help the person stick with it and make progress.

Part of dealing with a binge eating disorder is learning how to have a healthy relationship with food. Psychologists and other therapists can help people learn healthy ways of coping with emotions, thoughts, stress, and other things that might contribute to someone's eating problem. Depending on what's behind someone's binge eating, doctors may prescribe medications along with therapy and nutrition advice.

People with a binge eating disorder may find it helpful to surround themselves with supportive family members and friends. Another thing that can help build self- confidence and take a person's mind off eating is trying a new extracurricular activity or hobby. Finding a way to express feelings through music, art, dance, or writing, also can help someone deal with difficult emotions in a healthy way.

As with any eating disorder, there is no quick fix for binge eating. Treatment can take several months or longer while someone learns a healthier approach to food. But with the right guidance, commitment, and practice, it is possible to overcome old habits and replace them with healthier behaviors.




Body Dysmorphic Disorder Information taken from TeensHealth™ kidshealth.org

Lesson 12.3 What is Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)? How we feel about our appearance is part of our body image and self-image. This can be especially true during the teen years when our bodies and appearance go through lots of changes. Although many teens feel dissatisfied with some aspect of their appearance, these concerns usually don't constantly occupy their thoughts or cause them to feel tormented. But for some teens, concerns about appearance become so extreme and upsetting that they can't seem to stop checking or obsessing about their appearance. Being constantly preoccupied and upset about body imperfections or appearance flaws is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is a condition that involves obsessions, which are distressing thoughts that repeatedly intrude into a person's awareness. With BDD, the distressing thoughts are about perceived appearance flaws. Behaviors That Are Part of BDD BDD involves obsessions, compulsions and avoidance disorders. Obsession is a distressing thought that repeatedly intrudes into a person’s awareness. Besides obsessions, BDD also involves compulsions and avoidance behaviors.

A compulsion is something a person does to try to relieve the tension caused by the obsessive thoughts. For example, someone with obsessive thoughts that her nose is horribly ugly might check her appearance in the mirror, apply makeup, or ask someone many times a day whether her nose looks ugly. These types of checking, fixing, and asking are compulsions. A person with obsessions usually feels a strong or irresistible urge to do compulsions because they can provide temporary relief from the terrible distress. To someone with obsessions, compulsions seem like the only way to escape bad



feelings caused by bad thoughts. Compulsive actions often are repeated many times a day, taking up lots of a person's time and energy. Avoidance behaviors are also a part of BDD. A person might stay home or cover up to avoid being seen by others. Avoidance behaviors also include things like not participating in class, socializing, or avoiding mirrors.

What Causes BDD? Although the exact cause of BDD is still unclear, experts believe it is related to problems with serotonin, one of the brain's chemical neurotransmitters. Poor regulation of serotonin also plays a role in obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and other anxiety disorders, as well as depression. How BDD Can Affect a Person’s Life Sometimes people with BDD feel ashamed and keep their concerns secret. They may think that others will consider them vain or superficial. Sometimes other people become annoyed or irritated with somebody's obsessions and compulsions about appearance and avoid contact with that person. It's extremely upsetting to be tormented by thoughts about appearance imperfections. These thoughts intrude into a person's awareness throughout the day and are hard to ignore. People with mild to moderate symptoms of BDD usually spend a great deal of time grooming themselves in the morning. Throughout the day, they may frequently check their appearance in mirrors or windows. In addition, they may repeatedly seek reassurance from people around them that they look OK. Although people with mild BDD usually continue to go to school, the obsessions can interfere with their daily lives. People with severe symptoms may drop out of school, quit their jobs, or refuse to leave their homes. Many people with BDD also develop depression. People with the most severe BDD may even consider or attempt suicide. Many people with BDD seek the help of a dermatologist or cosmetic surgeon to try to correct appearance flaws. But dermatology treatments or plastic surgery don't change the BDD. People with BDD who find cosmetic surgeons willing to perform surgery are often not satisfied with the results. They may find that even though their appearance has changed, the obsessive thinking is still present, and they begin to focus on some other imperfection.



Getting Help for BDD If you or someone you know has BDD, the first step is recognizing what might be causing the distress. Many times, people with BDD are so focused on their appearance that they believe the answer lies in correcting how they look, not with their thoughts. The real problem with BDD lies in the obsessions and compulsions, which are distorting a person's body image, making that person feel ugly. Because people with BDD believe what they are perceiving is true and accurate, sometimes the most challenging part of overcoming the disorder is being open to new ideas about what might help. BDD can be treated by an experienced mental health professional. Usually, the treatment involves a type of talk therapy called cognitive-behavioral therapy. This approach helps to correct the pattern that's causing the body image distortion and the extreme distress.




Body Image and Self-Esteem Information taken from TeensHealth™ kidshealth.org

Lesson 12.4 Why is Body Image Important? Body image is a person's opinions, thoughts, and feelings about his or her own body and physical appearance. Having a positive body image means feeling pretty satisfied with the way you look, appreciating your body for its capabilities and accepting imperfections. Body image is part of someone's total self-image. So how teens feel about their body can affect how they feel about themselves. If teens get too focused on not liking the way they look, their self-esteem can take a hit and a teen’s confidence can slide.

How Puberty Affects Body Image

Although body image is just one part of our self-image during the teen years, and especially during puberty, it can be easy for a teen’s whole self-image to be based on how their body looks. That's because teens bodies are changing so much during this time that they can become the main focus of their attention. A change in a teen’s body can be tough to deal with emotionally. Many teens feel as if they don't know who they are anymore. Voice is changing, body hair is growing, breasts are developing, sexual body parts and feelings are changing; all these changes can make teens feel self-conscious. The best way to approach your own growth and development is to not assume you'll be a certain way. Look at everyone in your family — uncles, grandfathers, and even female relatives — to get an idea of the kinds of options your genes may have in store for you. Not everyone changes at the same time or even at the same pace. It’s all in the genes. It's natural to observe friends and classmates and notice the different ways they're growing and developing. Males and females often compare themselves with others in certain settings, and one of the most common is the locker room. Whether at a local gym or getting ready for a game at school, time in the locker room can be daunting for anyone.



Try to keep in mind in these situations that you aren't alone if you feel you don't "measure up." Just knowing that almost everyone else will go through the same thing can make all the difference.

Building a Better Body Image What can you do to build a positive body image? Here are some ideas:

· Recognize Your Strengths. What does your body do well? Maybe your speed, flexibility, strength, or

coordination leads you to excel at a certain sport. Or perhaps you have non-sports skills, like drawing, painting, singing, playing a musical instrument, writing, or acting. Just exploring talents that you feel good about can help your self-esteem and how you think of yourself.

· Look into start ing a strength training p r o g r a m . Exercise can help you look good and feel good about yourself. Good physiques don't

just happen; they take hard work, regular workouts, and a healthy diet. There’s no need to work out obsessively. A healthy routine can be as simple as exercising 20 minutes to 1 hour three days a week. Another benefit to working out properly is that it can boost your mood. Lifting weights can life your spirits?

· Don't trash your body, respect it! To help improve your view of your body, take care of it. Smoking and other things

you know to be harmful will take a toll after a while. Treating yourself well over time results in a healthier, stronger body — and that contributes to a better body image. Practicing good grooming habits — regular showering; taking care of your teeth, hair, and skin; wearing clean clothes, etc. — also can help you build a positive body image.

Be yourself.

Your body is just one part of who you are — along with your talent for comedy, a quick wit, or all the other things that make you unique. Your talents, skills, and beliefs are just as much a part of you as the casing they come in. So try not to let minor imperfections take over.




Depression Information taken from TeensHealth™ kidshealth.org

Lesson 12.5 Depression is common Depression is very common and affects as many as 1 in 8 people in their teen years. Depression affects people of every color, race, economic status, or age; however, it does seem to affect more females and males. Why Do People Get Depressed? There is no single cause for depression. Many factors play a role including genetics, environment, life events, medical conditions, and the way people react to things that happen in their lives. Genetics Research shows that depression runs in families and that some people inherit genes that make it more likely for them to get depressed. Not everyone who has the genetic makeup for depression gets depressed though and many people who have no family history of depression have the condition. So although genes are one factor, they aren't the single cause of depression. Life Events The death of a family member, friend, or pet can go beyond normal grief and sometimes lead to depression. Other difficult life events, such as when parents divorce, separate, or remarry, can trigger depression. Even events like moving or changing schools can be emotionally challenging enough that a person becomes depressed. Family and Social Environment For some teens, a negative, stressful, or unhappy family atmosphere can affect their self-esteem and lead to depression. This can also include high-stress living situations such as poverty; homelessness; and violence in the family, relationships, or community. Substance use and abuse also can cause chemical changes in the brain that affect mood — alcohol and some drugs are known to have depressant effects. The negative social and personal consequences of substance abuse also can lead to severe unhappiness and depression.



Medical Conditions Certain medical conditions can affect hormone balance and therefore have an effect on mood. Some conditions, such as hypothyroidism, are known to cause a depressed mood in some people. When these medical conditions are diagnosed and treated by a doctor, the depression usually disappears. For some teens, undiagnosed learning disabilities might block school success, hormonal changes might affect mood, or physical illness might present challenges or setbacks. What Happens in the Brain When Someone Is Depressed? Depression involves the brain's delicate chemistry — specifically, it involves chemicals called neurotransmitters. These chemicals help send messages between nerve cells in the brain. Certain neurotransmitters regulate mood, and if they run low, people can become depressed, anxious, and stressed. Stress also can affect the balance of neurotransmitters and lead to depression. Sometimes, a person may experience depression without being able to point to any particular sad or stressful event. People who have a genetic predisposition to depression may be more prone to the imbalance of neurotransmitter activity that is part of depression. Medications that doctors use to treat depression work by helping to restore the proper balance of neurotransmitters. What are the Symptoms of Depression? Symptoms that people have when they're depressed can include:

depressed mood or sadness most of the time (for what may seem like no reason) lack of energy and feeling tired all the time inability to enjoy things that used to bring pleasure withdrawal from friends and family irritability, anger, or anxiety inability to concentrate significant weight loss or gain significant change in sleep patterns (inability to fall asleep, stay asleep, or get up in the morning) feelings of guilt or worthlessness aches and pains (with no known medical cause) pessimism and indifference (not caring about anything in the present or future) thoughts of death or suicide

When someone has five or more of these symptoms most of the time for 2 weeks or longer, that person is probably depressed.



Teens who are depressed may show other warning signs or symptoms, such as lack of interest or motivation, poor concentration, and low mental energy caused by depression. They also might have increased problems at school because of skipped classes. Some teens with depression have other problems, too, and these can intensify feelings of worthlessness or inner pain. For example, people who cut themselves or who have eating disorders may have unrecognized depression that needs attention.

How Is Depression Different From Regular Sadness? Everyone has some ups and downs, and sadness is a natural emotion. The normal stresses of life can lead anyone to feel sad every once in a while. Things like an argument with a friend, a breakup, doing poorly on a test, not being chosen for a team, or a best friend moving out of town can lead to feelings of sadness, hurt, disappointment, or grief. These reactions are usually brief and go away with a little time and care. Depression is more than occasionally feeling blue, sad, or down in the dumps, though. Depression is a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair, or hopelessness that lasts for weeks, months, or even longer. It interferes with a person's ability to participate in normal activities. Depression affects a person's thoughts, outlook, and behavior as well as mood. In addition to a depressed mood, a person with depression can also feel tired, irritable, and notice changes in appetite. When someone has depression, it can cloud everything. The world looks bleak and the person's thoughts reflect that hopelessness and helplessness. People with depression tend to have negative and self-critical thoughts. Sometimes, despite their true value, people with depression can feel worthless and unlovable. Because of feelings of sadness and low energy, people with depression may pull away from those around them or from activities they once enjoyed. This usually makes them feel lonelier and isolated, making the depression and negative thinking worse. Depression can be mild or severe. At its worst, depression can create such feelings of despair that a person thinks about suicide. Depression can cause physical symptoms, too. Some people have an upset stomach, loss of appetite, weight gain or loss, headaches, and sleeping problems when they're depressed.



Getting Help Depression is one of the most common emotional problems in the United States and around the world. The good news is that it's also one of the most treatable conditions. Therapists and other professionals can help. In fact, about 80% of people who get help for their depression have a better quality of life — they feel better and enjoy themselves in a way that they weren't able to before. Treatment for depression can include talk therapy, medication, or a combination of both. Talk therapy with a mental health professional is very effective in treating depression. Therapy sessions can help people understand more about why they feel depressed, and ways to combat it. Sometimes, doctors prescribe medicine for a person who has depression. When prescribing medicine, a doctor will carefully monitor patients to make sure they get the right dose. The doctor will adjust the dose as necessary. It can take a few weeks before the person feels the medicine working. Because every person's brain is different, what works well for one person might not be good for another? Everyone can benefit from mood-boosting activities like exercise, yoga, dance, journaling, or art. It can also help to keep busy no matter how tired you feel. People who are depressed shouldn't wait and hope it will go away on its own because depression can be effectively treated. Friends or others need to step in if someone seems severely depressed and isn't getting help. Many teens find that it helps to open up to parents or other adults they trust. Simply saying, "I've been feeling really down lately and I think I'm depressed," can be a good way to begin the discussion. Ask your parent to arrange an appointment with a therapist. If a parent or family member can't help, turn to your doctor, school counselor, best friend, or a helpline to get help.

When Depression Is Severe People who are extremely depressed and who may be thinking about hurting themselves or about suicide need help as soon as possible. When depression is this severe, it is a very real medical emergency, and an adult must be notified. Most communities have suicide hotlines where people can get guidance and support in an emergency. Depression doesn't mean a person is "crazy." Depression (and the suffering that goes with it) is a real and recognized medical problem. Just as things can go wrong in all other organs of the body, things can go wrong in the most important organ of all: the brain. Luckily, most teens that get help for their depression go on to enjoy life and feel better about themselves.




Cutting Information taken from TeensHealth™ kidshealth.org

Lesson 12.6 What is Cutting? Injuring yourself on purpose by making scratches or cuts on your body with a sharp object — enough to break the skin and make it bleed — is called cutting. Cutting is a type of self-injury, or SI. Most people who cut are female, but males self-injure, too. People who cut usually start cutting in their young teens. Some continue to cut into adulthood. People may cut themselves on their wrists, arms, legs, or bellies. Some people self- injure by burning their skin with the end of a cigarette or lighted match. When cuts or burns heal, they often leave scars or marks. People who injure themselves usually hide the cuts and marks and sometimes no one else knows. Why Do People Cut Themselves? It can be hard to understand why people cut themselves on purpose. Cutting is a way some people try to cope with the pain of strong emotions, intense pressure, or upsetting relationship problems. They may be dealing with feelings that seem too difficult to bear, or bad situations they think can't change. Some people cut because they feel desperate for relief from bad feelings. People who cut may not know better ways to get relief from emotional pain or pressure. Some people cut to express strong feelings of rage, sorrow, rejection, desperation, longing, or emptiness. There are other ways to cope with difficulties, even big problems and terrible emotional pain. The help of a mental health professional might be needed for major life troubles or overwhelming emotions. For other tough situations or strong emotions, it can help put things in perspective to talk problems over with parents, other adults, or friends. When emotions don’t get expressed in a healthy way, tension can build up, sometimes getting to a point where it seems almost unbearable. Cutting may be an attempt to relieve that extreme tension. For some, it seems like a way of feeling in control.



The urge to cut might be triggered by strong feelings the person can't express — such as anger, hurt, shame, frustration, or alienation. People who cut sometimes say they feel they don't fit in or that no one understands them. A person might cut because of losing someone close or to escape a sense of emptiness. Cutting might seem like the only way to find relief or express personal pain over relationships or rejection. People who cut or self-injure sometimes have other mental health problems that contribute to their emotional tension. Cutting is sometimes (but not always) associated with depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, obsessive thinking, or compulsive behaviors. It can also be a sign of mental health problems that cause people to have trouble controlling their impulses or to take unnecessary risks. Some people who cut themselves have problems with drug or alcohol abuse. Some people who cut have had a traumatic experience, such as living through abuse, violence, or a disaster. Self-injury may feel like a way of "waking up" from a sense of numbness after a traumatic experience. Or it may be a way of re-inflicting the pain they went through, expressing anger over it, or trying to get control of it. What Can Happen to People Who Cut? Although cutting may provide some temporary relief from a terrible feeling, even people who cut agree that it isn't a good way to get that relief. For one thing, the relief doesn't last. The troubles that triggered the cutting remain — they're just masked over. People don't usually intend to hurt themselves permanently when they cut. And they don't usually mean to keep cutting once they start. But both can happen. It's possible to misjudge the depth of a cut, making it so deep that it requires stitches (or, in extreme cases, hospitalization). Cuts can become infected if a person uses nonsterile or dirty cutting instruments — razors, scissors, pins, or even the sharp edge of the tab on a can of soda. Most people who cut aren't attempting suicide. Cutting is usually a person's attempt at feeling better. Although some people who cut do attempt suicide, it's usually because of the emotional problems and pain that lie behind their desire to self-harm, not the cutting itself. Cutting can be habit forming. It can become a compulsive behavior — meaning that the more a person does it, the more he or she feels the need to do it. The brain starts to connect the false sense of relief from bad feelings to the act of cutting, and it craves this relief the next time tension builds. When cutting becomes a compulsive behavior, it can seem impossible to stop. So cutting can seem almost like an addiction, where the urge to cut can seem too hard to resist. A behavior that starts as an attempt to feel more in control can end up controlling you.



How Does Cutting Start? Cutting often begins on an impulse. It's not something the person thinks about ahead of time. It starts when something's really upsetting and teens don't know how to talk about it or what to do. The body has this knot of emotional pain. Cutting slowly becomes a habit. Some teens explain that it is a way to distract themselves from feelings of rejection and helplessness; just my way of getting their mind off something they felt really awful about. Sometimes self-injury affects a person's body image. Some teens actually like how the cuts look and would 'freshen them up' by cutting again once they began to heal. Females and males who self-injure are often dealing with some heavy troubles. Many work hard to overcome difficult problems. So they find it hard to believe that some children cut just because they think it's a way to seem tough and rebellious. Some teens try cutting because others at school are doing it. Getting Help The first step is to get help with the troubles that led to the cutting in the first place. Here are some ideas for doing that: 1. Tell someone. People who have stopped cutting often say the first step is the

hardest — admitting to or talking about cutting. Choose someone you trust to talk to at first (a parent, school counselor, teacher, coach, doctor, or nurse). If it's too difficult to bring up the topic in person, write a note.

2. Identify the trouble that's triggering the cutting. Cutting is a way of reacting to

emotional tension or pain. Try to figure out what feelings or situations are causing you to cut. Identify the trouble you're having, then tell someone about it. This is where a mental health professional can be helpful.

3. Ask for help. Tell someone that you want help dealing with your troubles and the

cutting. If the person you ask doesn't help you get the assistance you need, ask someone else.

4. Work on it. Most people with deep emotional pain or

distress need to work with a counselor or mental health professional to sort through strong feelings, heal past hurts, and to learn better ways to cope with life's stresses. One way to find a therapist or counselor is to ask at your doctor's office, at school, or at a mental health clinic in your community.




Suicide Information taken from TeensHealth™ kidshealth.org

Lesson 12.7 Why Do Teens Try to Kill Themselves? Most teens interviewed after making a suicide attempt say that they did it because they were trying to escape from a situation that seemed impossible to deal with or to get relief from really bad thoughts or feelings. They didn't want to die as much as they wanted to escape from what was going on. And at that particular moment dying seemed like the only way out. Some people who end their lives or attempt suicide might be trying to escape feelings of rejection, hurt, or loss. Others might be angry, ashamed, or guilty about something. Some people may be worried about disappointing friends or family members. And some may feel unwanted, unloved, victimized, or like they're a burden to others. Depression The fact is that most people who commit suicide have depression. Depression leads people to focus mostly on failures and disappointments, to emphasize the negative side of their situations, and to downplay their own capabilities or worth. Someone with severe depression is unable to see the possibility of a good outcome and may believe they will never be happy or things will never go right for them again. People with a condition called bipolar disorder are also more at risk for suicide because their condition can cause them to go through times when they are extremely depressed as well as times when they have abnormally high or frantic energy (called mania or manic). Both of these extreme phases of bipolar disorder affect and distort a person's mood, outlook, and judgment. For people with this condition, it can be a challenge to keep problems in perspective and act with good judgment. Teens with alcohol and drug problems are also more at risk for suicidal thinking and behavior. Alcohol and some drugs have depressive effects on the brain. Misuse of these substances can bring on serious depression. That's especially true for some teens that already have a tendency towards depression because of their biology, family history, or other life stressors.



Suicide Is Not Always Planned Sometimes a depressed person plans a suicide in advance. Many times, though, suicide attempts happen impulsively, in a moment of feeling desperately upset. A situation like a breakup, a big fight with a parent, an unintended pregnancy, being outed by someone else, or being victimized in any way can cause someone to feel desperately upset. Often, a situation like this, on top of an existing depression, acts like the final straw. Warning Signs There are often signs that someone may be thinking about or planning a suicide attempt. Here are some of them:

Talking about suicide or death in general Talking about "going away"

Referring to things they "won't be needing," and giving away possessions Talking about feeling hopeless or feeling guilty Pulling away from friends or family and losing the desire to go out Having no desire to take part in favorite things or activities Having trouble concentrating or thinking clearly Experiencing changes in eating or sleeping habits Engaging in self-destructive behavior (drinking alcohol, taking drugs, or cutting,

for example) What if This Is You? If you have been thinking about suicide, get help now. Depression is powerful. You can't wait and hope that your mood might improve. When a person has been feeling down for a long time, it's hard to step back and be objective. Talk to someone you trust as soon as you can. If you can't talk to a parent, talk to a coach, a relative, a school counselor, a religious leader, or a teacher. Call a suicide crisis line (such as 1-800-SUICIDE o r 1-800-999-9999) or your local emergency number (911). These toll-free lines are staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week by trained professionals who can help you without ever knowing your name or seeing your face. All calls are confidential — no one you know will find out that you've called. They are there to help you figure out how to work through tough situations. What if It’s Someone You Know? It is always a good thing to start a conversation with someone you think may be considering suicide. It allows you to get help for the person, and just talking about it may help the person to feel less alone and more cared about and understood. Even if a friend or classmate swears you to secrecy, you must get help as soon as possible — your friend's life could depend on it. Someone who is seriously thinking about suicide may have sunk so deeply into an emotional hole that the person could be



unable to recognize that he or she needs help. Tell an adult you trust as soon as possible. If necessary, you can also call the toll-free number for a suicide crisis line or a local emergency number (911). You can find local suicide crisis or hotline numbers listed in your phone book. These are confidential resources and the people at any of these places are happy to talk to you to help you figure out what is best to do. Coping With Problems Being a teen is not easy. There are many new social, academic, and personal pressures. And for teens that have additional problems to deal with, such as living in violent or abusive environments, life can feel even more difficult. Some teens worry about sexuality and relationships, wondering if their feelings and attractions are normal, or if they will be loved and accepted. Others struggle with body image and eating problems; trying to reach an impossible ideal leaves them feeling bad about themselves. Some teens have learning problems or attention problems that make it hard for them to succeed in school. They may feel disappointed in themselves or feel they are a disappointment to others. These problems can be difficult and draining — and can lead to depression if they go on too long without relief or support. We all struggle with painful problems and events at times. How do people get through it without becoming depressed? Part of it is staying connected to family, friends, school, faith, and other support networks. People are better able to deal with tough circumstances when they have at least one person who believes in them, wants the best for them, and in whom they can confide. People also cope better when they keep in mind that most problems are temporary and can be overcome. When struggling with problems, it helps to:

Tell someone you trust what's going on with you. Be around people who are caring and positive. Ask someone to help you figure out what to do about a problem you’re facing Work with a therapist or counselor if problems are getting you down and

depressed – or if you don’t have a strong support network, or feel you can’t cope. Counselors and therapists can provide emotional support and can help teens build their own coping skills for dealing with problems. It can also help to join a support network for people who are going through the same problems — for example, anorexia and body image issues, living with an alcoholic family member, or sexuality and sexual health concerns. These groups can help provide a caring environment where you can talk through problems with people who share your concerns. Check out your phone book to find local support groups, or ask a school counselor or a youth group leader to help you find what you need.




Facts on Drugs and Alcohol Lesson 13.1 Beverage alcohol is made from fruits, vegetables and grains. Alcohol has a long history of use throughout the world for religious, ceremonial, social, and personal reasons. It is mostly used as a beverage, either by itself or mixed with another drink. Alcohol is also used in cooking and sometimes in medicines. Its most common use is at social gatherings, although individuals sometimes drink alcoholic beverages in private. Alcohol is a sedative that slows down bodily functions such as heart rate and respiration. Alcohol also slows down the way the brain works. It especially affects the front part of the brain which controls our judgment, thinking and self-control. When people have had one or two drinks, they might seem silly or more lively and talkative, but actually they just have less self-control. Alcohol continues to be the most misused drug in the nation. One in sixteen high school student seniors drink alcohol on a daily basis. Further, the average age people start drinking is now 12.9 years. More than two-thirds of the adult population in the U.S. drinks alcoholic beverages at least occasionally. The majority of those who drink do so without problems, but there are others – about one in every ten drinkers – whose drinking gets out of hand, endangering themselves and those around them. This group of problem drinkers includes men and women, old and young people from all socio-economic classes, backgrounds, religions, races, and occupations. Fifty percent of the alcohol in the U.S. is consumed by only ten percent of the population.

Health Concerns It is nearly impossible to overstate the relationship between alcohol and traffic accidents. Studies show that in 1983 over one-half of all highway fatalities were alcohol related. This is the leading cause of death for 16-24 year olds. Scientists have found that many children born to women who drink heavily while pregnant have a pattern of irreversible physical and mental birth defects. This condition in its severe form is known as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. A less severe form, called Fetal Alcohol Effects, has been found in children

born to women who consume as little as one to two drinks a week. Mixing alcohol with other drugs is another dangerous practice that can grossly exaggerate the usual responses expected from alcohol or from the drug alone. This is due to the addictive or



combined effects exerted by alcohol and other drugs on the central nervous system. The effects can be short-term or long-term.

Effects Short-Term: In small quantities, alcoholic beverages slightly increase the heart rate; dilate blood vessels in the arms, legs and skin, moderately lower blood pressure, stimulate appetite; increase production of gastric secretion; and markedly stimulate urine output. In higher concentrations, they can depress function, seriously injure, or even kill cells. Short-term reactions are related to alcohol concentration in the blood. When blood-alcohol levels are low, the effect is usually mild sedation. Slightly higher levels may produce behavioral changes which seem to suggest stimulation of the brain: some people become talkative, aggressive, and excessively active. These changes result from the depression of the most highly developed brain centers which normally inhibit or restrain such behavior. At still higher blood alcohol levels, great depression of lower parts of the brain occurs, producing lack of coordination, confusion, disorientation, stupor, anesthesia, coma, or death.

Long-Term: Drinking alcohol in moderation apparently does the body little permanent physical harm. But when taken in large doses, over long periods of time, alcohol can prove disastrous, impairing the quality and shortening the length of life. Structural damage to several major organs such as the heart, brain and liver may result (e.g. alcoholic hepatitis; cirrhosis of the liter; fatty-liver; pancreative insufficiency and pancreatitis; serious mental disorders or permanent; irreversible damage to the brain or peripheral nervous system; and malnutrition). In addition, concern is growing about the role of alcohol in various heart diseases and studies have implicated the excessive use of alcohol, especially when combined with smoking, in the development of certain cancers.

Withdrawal Symptoms Delirium Tremens (DTs) is a serious and sometimes fatal condition that occurs with alcohol withdrawal. The victim experiences confusion, trembling, becomes feverish, sometimes convulsive, and may experience hallucinations. As with other depressant drugs, when regular users stop using large doses of alcohol suddenly, they may develop other physical withdrawal symptoms such as restlessness, insomnia, and anxiety. Less severe withdrawal symptoms include hangovers, diminished functioning, impaired ability to drive or operate machinery, etc.




Steps to Keeping Kids Drug Free Lesson 13.5

1. Circle “Yes” if the statement represents the views of your parents. 2. Circle “No” if the statement does not represent the views of your parents 3. Total the “Yes” and “No” responses. If appropriate, review the results with your parents.

Step 1 Demonstrate Caring. When parents care about their children, they act on

their children’s behalf. Yes or No

Step 2 Show Interest. Parents need to ask their children when they come home how

their day was, help them with or review their homework, attend school plays and gatherings, and be a presence in their child’s school.

Yes or No Step 3 Parent Without Violence. Parents should use non-violent ways of disciplining

children. Yes or No

Step 4 Talk About Drugs. Parents need to learn to talk WITH their child and not TO

their child about drugs. Talking with someone is a discussion/conversation. Talking to someone is a lecture/speech.

Yes or No Step 5 Model Appropriate Drinking. If parents are going to drink alcohol they need to

model appropriate drinking in front of their children. Yes or No

Step 6 No Drinking means NO DRINKING. Parents who want their children to have

a drug-free childhood should not offer them alcohol even if families have “traditions” and rites of passage where at certain ceremonies it’s OK to drink.

Yes or No



Step 7 No Illegal Drugs. Parents should not be using illegal drugs and need to model a drug free lifestyle. Anyway, it’s against the law.

Yes or No

Step 8 Don’t Compromise Your Values. Many parents believe their kids are going to

drink anyway, so they would rather have them drink at home. No drinking alcohol under the age of 21 is the law.

Yes or No

Step 9 Just Say Yes to Health! The problem with being a child is adults keep telling

you to say “No” to this and “No” to that. “No” won’t work without a “Yes.” Parents need to teach their children to say “Yes” to health and “No” to drugs.

Yes or No

Step 10 Communicate. To communicate is to talk and listen. Parents need to practice

listening to their children more and talking less.

Yes or No Step 11 Have Fun as a Family. Families should do things together such as sports,

parks, picnics, movies, hikes, dinner, family get-togethers, parties, etc. You name it – then do it as a family. Without alcohol!

Yes or No

Step 12 Know Your Children’s Friends. Birds of a feather flock together. Parents

should make their home and family a gathering spot for their children’s friends. Parents need to know and meet their children’s friends.

Yes or No Total Yes: __________



Families and Chemical Use Questionnaire The following questions are designed to increase your awareness about your chemical use and the chemical use of any family member. The word “chemical” in these questions refers to all mood-altering substances such as alcohol, pot, tobacco, uppers, downers, etc. Answer the questions as honestly as you can. You will not be required to turn this in to anyone. About You Yes No 1. Do you feel you have a chemical use (pot, tobacco, alcohol, inhalants, downers, uppers, etc.) problem? ___ ___ 2. Do you often use a chemical to feel better? ___ ___ 3. Do you often use a chemical to “get through the day or night? ___ ___ 4. Do you spend more money on chemicals than you planned? ___ ___ 5. Do you feel annoyed or irritated if your family or friends discuss your chemical use? ___ ___ 6. Have you had an argument with your family or friends because of your chemical use? ___ ___ 7. Have you ever failed to keep a promise you made to yourself or others about cutting down on your chemical use? ___ ___ 8. Do you tend to use your chemical at times when you feel angry, disappointed, depressed, anxious, or lonely? ___ ___ 9. Have you ever been careless of your family’s welfare when you’ve been using a chemical? (Driving under the influence, falling asleep with a burning cigarette, hitting a family member when under the Influence)? ___ ___ 10. Do you use chemicals in the morning to help you recover from the night before? ___ ___ 11. Do you keep secrets about your chemical use? ___ ___

12. Do you use chemicals to become more comfortable socially? ___ ___



About Your Family Yes No 1. Do you feel a member of your family has a chemical use problem? ___ ___ 2. Do you lie awake worrying about your family member? ___ ___ 3. Do you feel frustrated in your attempts to control your family member? ___ ___ 4. Do you argue with a family member about his/her use of chemicals? ___ ___ 5. Do you find it increasingly difficult to communicate with your family member? ___ ___ 6. Do you find yourself lying or covering up or making excuses for your family member? (Calling in sick for them, etc.). ___ ___ 7. Do you feel resentful or hostile toward your family member concerning their chemical use? ___ ___ 8. Do you worry about your family member’s behavior affecting other members of the family? ___ ___ 9. Has the family member been confronted about his/her use of chemicals? ___ ___ 10. Has the family member denied his/her use of chemicals? ___ ___ 11. Do you take care of your family member’s neglected responsibilities (c ooking, caring for younger children, etc.)? ___ ___ 12. Do you sometimes join your family member in using chemicals in order to “please” them? ___ ___




Smoking and My Health Lesson 13.6 Smoking and Health Risks

Although fewer teens smoke today than they did 20 years ago, smoking remains a significant health risk among teenagers.

Each day nearly 5,000 adolescents ages 11 to 17 smoke their first cigarette.

28% of high school students describe themselves as current smokers.

33% of adolescent smokers will eventually die of smoking-related illnesses. White teens smoke more than Black teens with Hispanic teens somewhere in

the middle. Teens that perform poorly in school are more likely to be smokers. Depression also seems to be a risk factor for smoking. Health risks of smoking include: increase risk of heart disease, stroke,

cancer, emphysema, and smoking can worsen lung function, leaving smokers vulnerable to coughing, wheezing and shortness of breath.

Women who smoke generally have earlier menopause. Pregnant women who smoke run an increased risk of having stillborn or

premature infants or infants with low birth weight. Children of women who smoke while pregnant have an increased risk of

developing conduct disorders. Facts on Second Hand Smoke

Secondhand smoke is a major cause in children’s illnesses. It has 40 toxic substances, which can cause cancer. It is linked to lower respiratory tract infections (croup and pneumonia). It is linked to increased fluid in the middle ear (ear infections). It is linked to reduced lung function. It is linked to additional episodes of asthma. It is associated with cancers and leukemia in childhood. When a pregnant mother smokes she deprives the fetus of needed oxygen and

other nutrients. This may result in intellectual and behavioral defects and low birth weight.



The Effects of Second Hand Smoke on the Health of an Unborn Child Miscarriage Stillbirth Reduced lung function Complications during pregnancy Premature birth.

In order for me to stop smoking, I need: _____________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ One way I can get this need met is: _________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________




Dating Bill of Rights Lesson 14.5 Personal Power is not how physically strong we are, but the use of our knowledge and our feelings to act in a manner to get our needs met. We use our personal power to act on what we know and how we feel about ourselves. Using your personal power, develop a Dating Bill of Rights specific to your needs: 1. I have the right to: 2. I have the right to: 3. I have the right to: 4. I have the right to: 5. I have the right to: 6. I have the right to:




Date Rape and Ways to Prevent It Lesson 14.6 What are Date Rape Drugs? These are drugs that are sometimes used to assist a sexual assault. Sexual assault is any type of sexual activity that a person does not agree to. It can include inappropriate touching, vaginal penetration, sexual intercourse, rape, and attempted rape. Because of the effects of these drugs, victims may be physically helpless, unable to refuse sex, and can’t remember what happened. The drugs often have no color, smell, or taste and are easily added to flavored drinks without the victim’s knowledge. There are at least three date rape drugs:

GHB (gamma hydroxybutyric acid) Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) Ketamine (ketamine hydrochloride)

Although we use the term “date rape,” most experts prefer the term “drug-facilitated sexual assault.” These drugs have been used to help people commit other crimes, like robbery and physical assault, and have been used on both men and women.

What Do the Drugs Look Like? GHB has a few forms: a liquid with no color, white powder, and a pill. Rohypnol is a pill and dissolves in liquids. New pills turn blue when added to liquids. However, the old pills, with no color, are still available.

Ketamine is a white powder. What Effects do These Drugs Have on the Body? The drugs can affect you quickly. The length of time that the effects last varies. It depends on how much of the drug is taken and if the drug is mixed with other substances, like alcohol. Alcohol can worsen the drug’s effects and can cause more health problems. Also, people in their homes can make GHB, so you don’t know what’s in it.

GHB (gamma hydroxybutyric acid) The symptoms of GHB include: relaxation, drowsiness, dizziness, nausea, problems seeing, unconsciousness (black out), seizures, can’t remember what happened when



drugged, problems breathing, tremors, sweating, vomiting, slow heart rate, dreamlike feeling, coma, death.

Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) The symptoms of Rohypnol include: can’t remember what happened when drugged, lower blood pressure, sleepiness, muscle relaxation or loss of muscle control, drunk feeling, nausea, problems talking, difficulty with motor movements, loss of consciousness, confusion, problems seeing, dizziness, confusion, stomach problems.

Ketamine (ketamine hydrochloride) The symptoms of Ketamine include: hallucinations, lost sense of time and identity, distorted perceptions of sight and sound, feeling out of control, impaired motor function, problems breathing, convulsions, vomiting, out of body experiences, memory problems, dream-like feeling, numbness, loss of coordination, aggressive or violent behavior, and slurred speech.

Is Alcohol a Date Rape Drug? While GHB, Rohypnol, and Ketamine are considered “date rape drugs,” there are other drugs that affect judgment and behavior, and can put a person at risk for unwanted or risky sexual activity. Alcohol is one of those drugs. When a person is drinking alcohol:

It’s harder to think clearly and evaluate a potentially dangerous situation. It’s harder to resist sexual or physical assault. Drinking too much alcohol can cause blackouts and memory loss.

How Can I Protect Myself From Being a Victim?

Don’t accept drinks from other people, except trusted friends. Open containers yourself. Keep your drink with you at all times, even when you go to the bathroom or have

a friend watch your drink. Don’t share drinks. Don’t drink from punch bowls or other large, common, open containers. They

may already have drugs in them. Don’t drink anything that tastes or smells strange. Sometimes, GHB tastes salty. Have a non-drinking friend with you to make sure nothing happened.

If You Think You Have Been Drugged or Raped ...

Go to the police station or hospital right away. Get a urine test as soon as possible. The drugs leave your system quickly.

Rohypnol leaves your body 72 hours after you take it. GHB leaves the body in 12 hours.

Don’t urinate before getting help.



Don’t douche, bathe, or change clothes before getting help. These things may give evidence of the rape.

You can also call a crisis center or a hotline to talk with a counselor. One national hotline is the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-SAFE or 800-787-3224 (TDD). Feelings of shame, guilt or fear and shock are normal.

It is important to get counseling from a trusted professional. For More Information ... For more information on date rape drugs, contact the National Women’s Health Information Center at 800-994-9662 or the following organizations:

Food and Drug Administration, OPHS, HHS Hotline: 800-332-4010 or 888-463-6332 (Consumer Information); Internet Address: fda.gov

National Institute on Drug Abuse, NIH, HHS Hotline: 800-662-4357 or 800-662-9832 (Spanish Language Hotline); Web: nida.nih.gov

Office of National Drug Control Policy Phone: 800-666-3332 (Information Clearing house); Web: whitehouse.gov/ondcp

Men Can Stop Rape Phone: 202-265-6530; Web: mencanstoprape.org

National Center for Victims of Crime Phone: 800-394-2255; Web: ncvc.org

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Phone: 800-656-4673 (656-HOPE); Web: rainn.org




Gay and Lesbian Students Lesson 14.7 It's a natural part of life to have sexual feelings. As people pass from childhood, through adolescence, to adulthood, their sexual feelings develop and change. Adolescence Is a Time of Change During the teen years, sexual feelings are awakened in new ways because of the hormonal and physical changes of puberty. These changes involve both the body and the mind, and teens may wonder about new — and often intense — sexual feelings. It takes time for many people to understand who they are and who they're becoming. Part of that understanding includes a person's sexual feelings and attractions. The term sexual orientation refers to the gender (that is, male or female) to which a person is attracted. There are several types of sexual orientation that are commonly described:

Heterosexual People who are heterosexual are romantically and physically attracted to members of the opposite sex: Heterosexual males are attracted to females, and heterosexual females are attracted to males. Heterosexuals are sometimes called "straight." Homosexual People who are homosexual are romantically and physically attracted to people of the same sex: Females who are attracted to other females are lesbian; males who are attracted to other males are often known as gay. (The term gay is sometimes also used to describe homosexual individuals of either gender.) Bisexual People who are bisexual are romantically and physically attracted to members of both sexes. Teens — both guys and girls — often find themselves having sexual thoughts and attractions.



For some, these feelings and thoughts can be intense — and even confusing or disturbing. That may be especially true for people who are having romantic or sexual thoughts about someone who is the same sex they are. "What does that mean," they might think. "Am I gay?" Thinking sexually about both the same sex and the opposite sex is quite common as people sort through their emerging

sexual feelings. This type of imagining about people of the same or opposite sex doesn't necessarily mean that a person fits into a particular type of sexual orientation.

Some teens may also experiment with sexual experiences, including those with members of the same sex, during the years they are exploring their own sexuality. These experiences, by themselves, don’t necessarily mean that a person is gay or straight.

Do People Choose Their Sexual Orientation? Most medical, including organizations such as the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychological Association, believe that sexual orientation involves a complex mixture of biology, psychology, and environmental factors. A person's genes and inborn hormonal factors may play a role as well. These medical professionals believe that — in most cases — sexual orientation, whatever its causes, is not simply chosen.

Not everyone agrees. Some believe that individuals can choose who they are attracted to — and that people who are gay have chosen to be attracted to people of the same gender. No matter what someone's sexual orientation is, in some cases it may be affected by the life experiences that person has had. People with different sexual orientations come from all walks of life – they can be rich or poor and they come from all different backgrounds and ethnic groups.

There are lots of opinions and stereotypes about sexual orientation, though, and some of these can be hurtful to people of all orientations. For example, having a more "feminine" appearance or interest does not mean that a guy is gay. And having a more "masculine" appearance doesn't mean a girl is lesbian. As with most things, making assumptions just based on looks can lead to the wrong conclusion.



What’s it Like for Gay Teens? For many people who are gay or lesbian, it can feel like everyone is expected to be straight. Because of this, some gay and lesbian teens may feel different from their friends when the heterosexual people around them start talking about romantic feelings, dating, and sex. They may feel like they have to pretend to feel things that they don't in order to fit in. They might feel they need to deny who they are or that they have to hide an important part of themselves. These feelings, plus fears of prejudice, can lead people who aren't straight to keep their sexual orientation secret, even from friends and family who might be supportive. Some gay or lesbian teens tell a few accepting, supportive friends and family members about their sexual orientation. This is often called coming out. Many lesbian, gay, and bisexual teens that come out to their friends and families are fully accepted by them and their communities. They feel comfortable about being attracted to someone of the same gender and don't feel anxious about it. But not everyone has the same feelings or good support systems. People who feel they need to hide who they are or who fear rejection, discrimination, or violence can be at greater risk for emotional problems like anxiety and depression. Some gay teens without support systems can be at higher risk than heterosexual teens for dropping out of school, living on the streets, using alcohol and drugs, and even in some cases for attempting to harm themselves. These difficulties are thought to happen more frequently not directly because they are gay, but because gay and lesbian people are more likely to be misunderstood, socially isolated, or mistreated because of their sexual orientation. This doesn't happen to all gay teens, of course. Many gay and lesbian teens and their families have no more difficulties during the teen years than anyone else. The Importance of Talking

No matter what someone's sexual orientation is, learning about sexuality and relationships can be difficult. It can help to talk to someone about the confusing feelings that go with growing up, perhaps a parent or other family member, a close friend or sibling, or a school counselor. It's not always easy to find somebody to talk to, but many people find that confiding in someone they trust and feel close to, even if they're not completely sure how that person will react, turns out to be a positive experience.



For many people, talking about sex and sexuality can be embarrassing. The key is finding someone comfortable and knowledgeable to talk to – someone who respects you and who you can be open with. In many communities, resources such as youth groups composed of teens who are facing similar issues can provide opportunities for people to talk to others who understand. Psychologists, psychiatrists, family doctors, and trained counselors can help teens cope — confidentially and privately — with the difficult feelings that go with their developing sexuality. These experts also can help teens find ways to deal with any peer pressure, harassment, and bullying they may face. Whether gay, straight, bisexual, or just not sure, almost all teens have questions about physically maturing and about sexual health (for example, avoiding STDs). It's important to find a doctor or health professional to discuss these issues with — someone who can provide reliable health advice. Although sexual feelings and behavior are important parts of human development, there are still many unanswered questions about human sexuality. Researchers are constantly learning new information, and undoubtedly people will know more about sexual orientation in the coming years.




My Beliefs and My Parents’ Beliefs About Sex Lesson 15.3 Write down your views and the views of your parents on the following issues. Write yours first, then your parents’. 1. Birth control should be the woman’s responsibility. My Beliefs: _______________________________________________ My Parents’ Beliefs: ________________________________________ 2. Minors should be able to get birth control without

notifying parents. My Beliefs: _________________________________________________________ My Parents’ Beliefs: __________________________________________________ 3. Our government should pay for birth control methods for

everyone who wants them. My Beliefs: _________________________________________________ My Parents’ Beliefs: _________________________________________ 4. Parents should be the only ones allowed to give sex information

to their children. My Beliefs: __________________________________________________________ My Parents’ Beliefs: ___________________________________________________



5. Birth control information should be available to all junior and high school students. My Beliefs: ____________________________________________ My Parents’ Beliefs: _____________________________________ 6. Girls should not ask boys out on dates. My Beliefs: ______________________________________________________ My Parents’ Beliefs: ___________________________________________________ 7. Gay men and lesbians should not be allowed to teach school. My Beliefs: __________________________________________________________ My Parents’ Beliefs: ___________________________________________________ 8. If you are in love with your boyfriend/girlfriend, it’s okay to

have sex. My Beliefs: __________________________________________________________ My Parents’ Beliefs: ___________________________________________________




Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Lesson 15.8 What are STDs?

STDs are sexually transmitted diseases.

STDs like herpes and syphilis can be passed through oral sex.

One out of every 47 teens who are sexually active will get a STD.

Spitting out semen will not protect you from STDs.

HIV or Human Immunodeficiency virus is an STD, which is the base infection for AIDS.

You can’t tell if someone has HIV or another STD by the way they look. Many STDs have no signs.

Some STDs will stay in your body for the rest of your life.

Genital herpes is a common STD. It is an infection caused by the herpes simplex virus. Genital herpes is a common infection nationwide with nearly 45 million people ages 12 and older infected. Herpes can be passed through oral sex.

Chlamydia is a curable sexually transmitted infection, which is caused by

bacteria. Chlamydia can be passed on during oral, vaginal or anal sexual contact with an infected partner. If left untreated it can cause serious problems in men, women and newborn babies of infected mothers. Nearly 4 million people are infected each year.

Crabs are parasites in boys and girls that live on the pubic hair in the genital

area.

Gonorrhea is a treatable bacterial infection of the penis, vagina or anus that causes pain or a burning feeling as well as a pus-like discharge. Gonorrhea is also called “the clap.”

Hepatitis C is an STD that affects the liver.



Genital warts are a virus that affects the skin in the genital area, as well as a female’s cervix.

Syphilis is a treatable bacterial infection that can spread throughout the body

and affect the heart, brain and nerves. Syphilis can be passed through oral sex.

Vaginitis is caused by different germs including yeast and trichomoniases. It is an infection of the vagina resulting in itching, burning, vaginal discharge and an odd odor.

Every year there are 15 million new cases of STDs.

One in four new STD infections occurs in teenagers.

Two-thirds of all STDs occur in people 25 years of age or younger.




Myths and Facts About HIV and AIDS

Lesson 15.9 What is AIDS? AIDS, which stands for Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, is a very serious disease that affects children, teens, and adults. It is caused by a virus called the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV). This virus is acquired and causes a deficiency in the body’s immune system. AIDS is rapidly becoming the leading cause of death in young adults and children in many areas in the United States. There is no cure for AIDS, but there is one way to prevent it - educate yourself and your children about AIDS and HIV, including those behaviors that can increase the risk of getting AIDS.

What are HIV and AIDS? HIV is the virus that causes AIDS. When persons are infected with HIV, it means the virus is attacking their immune system. The immune system is the body’s way of fighting infections and helping prevent some types of cancer. Damage to the immune system from HIV can occur over months, as sometimes happens in infants. Sometimes it occurs sloly over years, as more often happens in adults. AIDS is diagnosed in an HIV-infected person when the immune system is severely damaged or when certain other serious infections or cancers occur. Many people do not know they are HIV infected because it can take many years for serious symptoms to develop. However, even if they feel well and have no symptoms, they can spread the infection to others. Many people with HIV infection look and act healthy. You cannot tell just by looking at people whether they are HIV infected. A blood test for HIV is the only way to be sure.

How is HIV Spread? HIV is spread from one person to another through certain body fluids. These fluids include blood and blood products, semen (sperm), fluid from the vagina, and breast milk. The following are ways HIV can be spread: 1. By sexual intercourse (vaginal, anal, or oral) with a person who is HIV infected. Both

males and females can spread HIV. Latex condoms can help prevent the spread of



HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). The safest course, however, is to abstain from all forms of sexual intercourse until married or in a long-term mature relationship with an unaffected partner. 2. Through contact with an infected person’s blood. Sharing syringes or needles for

drug use or for other activities such as tattooing or ear piercing can spread HIV. Accidental injuries from contaminated needles can also cause HIV infection. This can happen if a person comes into contact with used needles that have been thrown away. Rarely, HIV has been spread by an infected person’s blood directly through the mucous membranes, cuts, scrapes, or open sores of another person.

3. To a baby by his or her HIV-infected mother. This can happen during

pregnancy, labor, delivery, or breast-feeding. 4. Through blood or blood products from blood transfusions, organ transplants, or

artificial insemination. This occurs very rarely because donors of blood, tissues, and organs in the United States are tested routinely for HIV. Test results must be negative before the donated fluids and tissues are used.

How is HIV NOT Spread? It is very important to know how HIV is not spread. Fear and wrong information about HIV and AIDS have caused much suffering to those who have been infected with HIV. Make sure you and your children understand that HIV cannot be spread through casual contact with someone who has AIDS or is HIV infected. You CANNOT get HIV from:

Shaking hands Hugging Sitting next to someone Sharing bathrooms Eating food prepared by an HIV-infected person The air Insect bites Giving blood Swimming pools

Student Lessons - Nurturing Parenting

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