Humility - The Stairway To Heaven

By Monk Johanan Mattison

The first mention of a ladder to heaven is in Genesis 28:10-22. The vital thing about the story of Jacob's ladder is that it is God's initiative. God does not act according to Jacob's merits. He has previous reasons to bless Jacob, namely the antecedent promise He gave to Abraham. He called Abraham out of Ur of the Chaldees, and that through him and his seed, God would give him the land of Canaan for him and his posterity, but also that through him He would bless the other families upon the earth, andhis seed would become a multitude. Jacob was not entirely passive, for he valued the first born blessing more than Esau did, and thus he swindled it away, for Esau regarded it not, selling it to Jacob for a "mess of pottage."

So Jacob dreams of a ladder, or 'stairway' it has also been been translated. On it the angels of God ascend and descend from Heaven where the Lord stands at the top of this ladder to the earth. It is an awesome thing to behold, for ten thousand times ten thousand angels serve God at His bidding and this stairway iswhat links heaven and earth, the angels of God using it, not unlike in the painting above, by William Blake. Not only are we introduced to the angels, but God speaks to Jacob, reaffirming His great purpose for all mankind. This is what He says to Jacob in his dream:

13 "And, behold, the LORD stood above it, and said, I am the LORD God of Abraham thy father, and the God of Isaac: the land whereon thou liest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed;14 And thy seed shall be as the dust of the earth, and thou shalt spread abroad to the west, and to the east, and to the north, and to the south: andin thee and in thy seed shall all the families of the earth be blessed. 15 And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and willbring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of. 16 And Jacob awaked out of his sleep, and he said, Surely the LORD is in this place; and I knew it not. 17 And he was afraid, and said, How dreadful is this place! this is none other but the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven."

God is willing to speak to Jacob, and the whole effect is to induce humility in his servant, who expresses the fear of God in his response. Compare the next time a ladder is referred to, by Our Lord, in John 1:51. Nathaniel expresses both surprise and awetowards Our Lord when He reveals that He could see Nathaniel underneath the fig tree. In other words He revealed a certain

omnipresence even while He was 'in the flesh.' 51

50 Jesus answered and said unto him, Because I said unto thee, I saw thee under the fig tree, believest thou? thou shalt see greater things than these. And hesaith unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Hereafter ye shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man."

The only difference here stated is that Jesus Christ says to Nathaniel that He Himself is the Ladder or Stairway to Heaven. Naturally we refer this to the wood of the Holy Cross, for the Cross preached has indeed become "The Way" in which God and man are brought together in perpetual covenant, eternal life being granted through this Gospel, or "Good News" preached. Again, God through Christ has taken the initiative, "for He first loved us."Christ has died once for all, that all might have life through Him. The ladder is the narrow way offered to all, but few seem totake it. Many are like Esau, who do not value this declaration ofGod's love in Christ Jesus. So they sell it away to those who appear even less worthy, the humble of the earth has God chosen. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven." Now is the time that we can 'storm heaven' and steal eternal life, coming without money, coming only with ourselves togive. The stairway is there, in plain view, and the way is simpleand child-like. One can climb this stairway through faith. "To as many as them that believe the good news." Again one can climb the stairway through love. One has to have both faith and love. For the devils believe, but the children of the Father are they that both believe and love. The way was continually preached by Christand His holy Apostles. Right up until the next explanation of theladder, which was by St John Climacus.

In this icon depiction of St John Climacus' Ladder of Divine Ascent, we see a very different image. Instead of a biblical vision of promise and blessing, with the servant of God predestined to be the father of many nations, we have a chilling depiction of contingency, with salvation not being assured in anymeasure, but rather the great danger of being led to miss one's step by the demons at work "who prowl through the world seeking for the ruin of souls!"

St John Climacus wrote the title as a spiritual treatise to those who fear God among the monastic followers of Christ. He states at the very beginning of it: "Let us write this treatise with a pen taken from their knowledge and dipped in theink of humility which is both subdued yet radiant. Then let us apply it to the smooth white paper of their hearts, or rather rest it on the tablets of the spirit, and let us inscribe the divine words (or rather sow the seeds)." (#1.2)

8."But let us who are weak and passionate have the courage to offer our infirmity andnatural weakness to Christ with unhesitating faith, and confess it to Him; and we shall be certain to obtain His help, even beyond our merit, if only we unceasingly go right down to the depth of humility." (#1.8)

Thus we see that humility is the very heart of winning the divine assistance. " Thus saith the Lord, Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches." It is not the I.Q. nor any natural nor environmentally acquired talent or skill. Rather, it is the appropriate attitude of one who has faith: "but let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the LORD which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the LORD. (Jerem. 9:23-24) Without humility absolutely nothing can advance towards Godand His Kingdom. So the converse, pride is the greatest sin and the root of all sin, the beginnings of the very motion of all sin, vice, and fateful falling. And another ingredient all the way through our 'climbing expedition' and that is zeal. For "the zeal of the Lord is my strength!" Or as St John Climacus says in his powerful words:

"So who is a faithful and wise monk? He who has kept his fervour unabated, and to the end of his life has not ceased daily to add fire to fire, fervour to fervour, zeal to zeal, love to love. This is the first step. Let him who has set foot on it not turn back." (1.27)

Its not only when St John explicitly mentions humility that he is, in fact, speaking of humility, for what other than humility exercises patience when we have to bare:

"mortification of the stomach, all-night standing, water in moderation, short rations of bread, the purifying draught of dishonour, sneers, derision, insults, the cutting out of one’s own will, patience in annoyances, unmurmuring endurance of scorn, disregard of insults, and the habit, when wronged, of bearing it sturdily; when slandered, of not being indignant; when humiliated, not to be angry; when condemned, to be humble. Blessed are they who follow the way we have just described, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven." (2.8)

Now if this is the touchstone of monastic or ascetic maturity in thespiritual life, 'Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.' This is,no doubt the mark of a holy Master, for even Thomas Merton or Seraphim Rose were not 'there' yet. But if these humiliations wereall at once, such an assault we likely could not endure, but lo and behold, when I remember them over the years, then even humiliations like these have occurred and begin to tally quite a number. Let us hope God plays the tapes when we bore humiliationsmeekly and not play the tapes of the times we exploded in a fit! Could we possibly say that we are humble men? I do not think thatthis would be possible, though I think I have observed monks who were. When all one's upbringing in a culture like today's tends to the opposite of humility, then where do we stand? We must stand, St John Climacus says, in holy fear and love for the Lord which out-quenches all other loves: "Hide your noble birth and do not glory in your distinction, lest you be found to be one thing in word and another in deed." (3.19)

There are thirty steps to the ladder of St John Climacus, and every one of them, it seems to me, is a new step in humility. For humility is the most cardinal virtue of all and the supreme Catholic virtue. It is the very identifier of the one, true and Holy Catholic Church. The Holy Scriptures explain this need and gift (for all the virtues are primarily gift and grace) when it says in the Psalms:

Though the LORD be high, yet hath He respect unto the lowly, but the proud He knoweth afar off. (Psalm 138:6)

Because the sin of pride makes a man play God from deep within, the very antithesisof truth and reality. It is the greatest disorder of a human being; it follows a false shadow existence of non-being, yet it claims to everything exalted. This was the attitude of Lucifer, becoming the imprisoned Satan as a result. One is just as liable to discover this poison and disorder within a monastery nowadays as on the outside. Pride seeks power and its own justification anddefence, using doctrines that are ideological and agenda-driven. The false 'New-Age' religion of contemporary society becomes manifest in religious communities that have deliberately rebelledagainst the Magisterium, or just as much against Holy Tradition, or against the Holy Scriptures. Apostasy is the result; also known as "the great apostasy" of theological modernism, or in Pope St Pius X's words, the 'apostasy of apostasies.' This has reared its ugly head in the contemporary Church. And Blessed JohnHenry Newman preached that it is out of this sign of apostasy that the Antichrist shall be manifested. This is how serious the sin of pride in fact is, and also how important, indeed crucial become the spiritual and theological teachings against its progress, whether it be in universities, theological seminaries, holy orders or communities of religious. It is not the need for some fleshly humble pie which results in psychological shame, butrather the doctrines of the Blessed Holy Spirit, which apply the grace of Our Lord to the virtues, resulting in sanctification, holiness, and the Orthodox tradition of deification. This is a 'cooperation of divine-human synergy.' A few more thoughts of St John Climacus on humility:

It is not he who depreciates himself who shows humility (for who will not put up with himself?) but he who maintains the same love for the very man who reproaches him.

For the sake of extreme dispassion, rich gifts, miracle-working and prophetic powers, many exhaust their bodies in vain. They do not know, poor wretches, that it is not toil so much as humility that is the mother of such perfections.

There recently before his birth to glory was a Camaldolese hermit of Saskatchewan, a priest and a teacher of the way of the

"rational hermits of St Romauld", who spoke often of the near universal "self-conceit" of your perhaps 'normal Christian' and that it takes a little while and this fault erodes over time, something almost one would expect from the young or the new to religious life. Though other aspects of his teaching have faded in my memory, I do recall this "self-conceit," and sensed its truth. I even feel that since the great terrorist event of '9/11'the passions of the mind in men and women are increased and the power of delusion never so probable as now. And this is what we would expect if we have, as I believe, entered into a historic and prophetic period known variously as "the last days" or the days immediately preceding the time of the 'great tribulation.' Having been raised in a political family from the time I was but two years of age and lasting over two decades when my father served on the Conservative front bench of Canada's parliament as its justice critic, I feel all the more aware of the powers, perhaps 'demonic,' that are raising the levels of seduction, of the probability of delusion, and this as a fulfillment of divine prophecy, that "for this cause God shall send thema strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: that they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness." (2 Thess 2:11) Itis in politics where I have seen first-hand the results of pride and delusion, particularly in the near constant brainwashing of the worldly press corps and their power over how people think. I think in the United States the whole Obama phenomenon was akin tothis 'strong delusion,' the warning that he represents, even the first 'sallies of bombardment' over the bow of the Catholic battleship and Obama's consistent opposition to everything the Church teaches in its faith and morals. In addition, we are right in the midst of learning a whole underground government of illegal surveillance and wire-tapping even of our closest allies such as Chancellor Angela Merckel of Germany. And no doubt they are monitoring Prime Ministers Cameron, Harper, Netanyahu and quite likely the Supreme Pontiff of the Catholic Church. From my perspective, to see the United States take a whole 'tilt to the left' is exceedingly strange. There is a "new communism" of secularity, the willful breakdown of marriage, the celebration of homosexuality, hyper-feminism, and politically 'correct' education, and that with this happeningat break-neck speed indicates the likelihood of the delusion of the Antichrist, predicted by our blessed Lord and all his holy apostles. The Orthodox Church has this teaching about the Antichrist as a cardinal article of its catechism. The Catholic

Magisterium needs to wake up on this issue. Moreover, there is a high degree of susceptibility to this "new communism" in the Catholic Church, from the damage that theological modernism has brought about. A huge schism seems to be just around the bend. "He that hath ears to hear, let him hear!" Let me quote St John Climacus upon humility's opposite of pride, which may be a descriptive of the "perilous times" (the last days) "when men shall be lovers of themselves:" "Pride is denial of God, an invention of the devil, the despising of men, the mother of condemnation, the offspring of praise, a sign of sterility, flight from divine assistance, the precursor of madness, the herald of falls, a foothold for satanic possession, source of anger, door of hypocrisy, the support of demons, the guardian of sins, the patron of unsympathy, the rejection of compassion, a bitter inquisitor, an inhuman judge, an opponent of God, a root of blasphemy." (23: 1,2)

Pretty serious stuff, and pretty serious our modern societies that have been cultivating this very 'chief of sins' in an 'age of narcissism.' I remember this sin at Stanford and I remember some Harvard kids visiting us on some project like debating. And the visitors were "full of themselves!" so that pride is a ruination of good feeling and even friendship. And it meant that there was no dating, and no friendship beyond the time spent in the sheer furtherance of their worldly careers and looking out for "number one." But my prep school before that was different, with daily chapel and a faculty that sincerely cultivated and modeled the Christian virtues, and humility among them. And so I remember the school, The Hill School, with great affection, for some stalwarts in its faculty that did have some humility, and then you can have charity, but there is no charity, no love wherethere is no humility and only deadness remains. And there are things I might like to share in my 'political' family, but discretion and prudence says no - at least not at this time, though the time may yet come. But power is like a drug, and so very few can handle it and remain untarnished by pride, for as Acton said, "power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely!" And mayGod forgive me the many times that I have tried to raise my statefrom my pain disability by boasting of "Stanford this and Oxford that!" "A venerable man said to me: ‘Suppose that there are twelve shameful passions. If we deliberately love one of them (I mean, pride), it will fill the place of the remaining eleven.’" (23:5) "An angel fell from heaven without any other passion except pride, and so we may

ask whether it is possible to ascend to heaven by humility alone without any other of the virtues." (23:12)"Pride's offspring are the sins of spiritual people: anger, calumny, spite, irritability,shouting, blasphemy, hypocrisy, hatred, envy, disputing, self-will, disobedience." (23.37)

The last quote is difficult to admit, but St John Climacus has a greatly discerning mind at work in his perceptions which give testimony to his, in my opinion, walk in the Spirit of the Lord. I don't think normally one would associate the last mentioned sins with spiritual people, but I believe it is the case in the sense that I see them as coming from the explosive mixture of frustration at the, at times, absurd oppositions that one isn't expecting - the very moments that one was not prepared for and the temptation came with the element of surprise. "It would try the patience of Job" is an apt description of the situations that a maturer believer will find himself in and they are also the last sins to conquer, to have to work on, and those gentle acquisitions associated with the monk and the hermits are the best taught and trained to be able to master them before one departs for the realm of the eternal. Time does not permit more jewels from St John Climacus on the subject of humility, for needs be that we trace but a little how the teachings of humility transferred to the west, first by the Conferences of John Cassian.

"And the Lord, rebuking the Pharisees, says, "How can ye believe, who receive gloryfrom one another, and seek not the glory which comes from God alone?" (S. John 5:44)

John Cassian was actually prior in time to St John Climacus, except that the latter is referred more to the regions dealt within a prior manner of reading, that of the desert fathers of Egypt, Palestine and Syria. John Cassian took the teachings of the desert fathers to the west with his companion Germanicus, after seeking out the company and teachings of the Abba Moses in Egypt, where was relayed to them the sayings of the cenobium monks and the anchorites of that famed region, and then became aninfluence upon St Benedict, Pope St Gregory (the Dialogist, so-called by the Orthodox) and the Benedictine and Cistercian monasteries down to this very age. The many times I heard read the Lectio Divina at meals with my contemporary fathers, the Conferences and Institutes of John Cassian were primary among

them, he being so diligent and voluminous in his undertaking to transfer the collected monastic wisdom of the east.

"IN the case also of beginners and of those who have as yet made but little progress either in powers of mind or in knowledge it usually puffs up their minds, either because of the quality of their voice because they can sing well, or because their bodies are emaciated,[388] or because they are of a good figure, or because they have rich and noble kinsfolk, or because they have despised a military life andhonours. Sometimes too it persuades a man that if he had remained in the world he would easily have obtained honours and riches, which perhaps could not possibly have been secured, and inflates him with a vain hope of uncertain things; and in the case of those things which he never possessed, puffs him up with pride and vanity, as if he were one who had despised them." (Inst.Ch.8) Cassian displays a similar gift to St John Climacus in that both of them warn how vain-glory, the demon of it, so easilyattacks the Christian, who making any progress in humility can then be suddenly overtaken by becoming proud of having done so. And so on, around about we go. They conjointly say that this is so far unique to vain-glory (but the stepping stone to pride) in that the other demons can be vanquished without desiring to return, but vain-glory hounds the monk so that he might be vain-glorious about any victory, any advancement achieved. This conundrum was described in Luther's auto-biography, whose only solution for it, and a valid solution at that, was to discover the workings of grace interacting with the Holy Scriptures, which often release the needed grace to avoid scrupulosity (navel-gazing, it is described as by moderns). Perhaps this is why, when we progress to the Rule of St Benedict,that the father of western monasticism when dealing with his 'Ladder of Humility' stays focused indeed upon the Scriptures entirely. It was said apparently by Luther's sympathetic Augustinian superior that this is why he assigned to Dr Martin the teaching of Galatians and Romans and that when it came time for Luther to leave the order, he asked him why could he not remain in the Order along with his newly found interior liberation that the Holy Scriptures brought about. Had he done so, three parties would have benefited: himself, Holy Church, and the world. But he was too exorcised to stay in the environment which he associated with anxiety. I must confess that I too was harassed by such anxiety upona combination of rigorous fasting and the Exercises of St Ignatius Loyola, that I as well took a long detour, a personal sojourn duplicating the Reformation and at least an Anglican, if

not wholly Protestant pathway for almost twenty years before I could return in enough personal peace to become a candidate and then a fully Catholic convert. I testified that the written Word of God had brought me to an interior peace with God, through discovery of the doctrine of the Gospel, that is to say the kerygma or 'justification by faith' as taught by St Paul in Romans. Part of my inability to remain an Anglican at least was the Great Apostasy (see above) as well as, more positively, I learned I could, indeed that I should enjoy this peace as a Catholic. I wish, in fact, that this peace was the possession of every Catholic who suffers from their fear of being judged by God. In fact I celebrate every Catholic who rightly communicates the truth of the unconditionality of God's love. I see it taught by such reknowned teachers of the faith as Mother Teresa, Henri Nouwen, Thomas Merton, Raniero Cantalamessa ( Preacher of the Papal Household), indeed it is fully alive in John Paul II and Benedict XVI's teaching throughout. It enables God to meet us first on the level of unconditional acceptance, like the father who went halfway down the road to greet his returning prodigal son. When they embraced,the father did not hold his son's sins against him. There would be a time for growth in holiness, yes, but at this initial level of the Gospel, it is first and foremost a meeting of unconditional grace and acceptance. God says in His written word throughout many passages, that through the son's rebirth in faith, by his being fully born again, when the father looks in Love upon his children, their sins are not first in his mind, but that He loves them, like a groom be-smitten with his bride. Her flaws he does not see, or ifthey are visible at first, he puts them aside by reason of Christ's glorious sacrifice and His baring away guilt. Indeed He takes the burden of guilt upon Himself. "Christ who knew no sin, became sin for us!" witnessed St Paul. The Bible is clear about the doctrine of the atonement. Itis equally clear about imputation, that as our sins are imputed to Christ, so His righteousness is imputed to us through faith, so that God the Father no longer sees our sin resting upon us. Weare made clean, not partially so that works are the cause, but that there can be no works as great as His work on the Cross made effectual for us and the imputation of His righteousness given tous. This does not make the Sacrament of Penance no longer

necessary, as most of the Reformers taught, but it actually liberates the sacrament so that confession is made to a loving and merciful Father, who says: "I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." (Heb 8:12) And "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us." (Ps.103:12) This very doctrine of imputation is the paschal foundation for the forgiveness offered to the penitent soul through the priest, so that Scripture, Tradition, and Magisterium all concur that we can completely trust in the absolution the priest makes in the name or on behalf of Jesus Christ Our Lord. It is history's sad irony, and yet it is still a joyous reality, that the Gospel doctrine of the Reformers was, as Rahner, Bouyer and Pope Benedict XVI have shown, a truly Catholic teaching that is to be understood in harmony with the sacraments and not their replacement. I truly wish I could give Blessed John Cassian's teachings against pride their full due. His expounding about the eight major vices and their remedies is positively elegant. I had supposed that I would have some difficulties with Cassian becausehe was set up as opposing St Augustine's teaching of sola gratia in his reputation for having semi-pelagian error in his writings,but there is absolutely no trace of such in his Institutes and inhis treatise on the eight major vices. In fact these works are positively works of grace and have arrived at the level, I would say, of pure Catholic eloquence. And to me this shows that his detractors were, in the main, examples of vice themselves, the vice of calumny or slander. For the controversy would not die down until a century had passed, that John Cassian had been founda 'semi-pelagian,' the detraction to me, but for some tiny portion of the Conferences, was libelous and just goes to show that when anyone produces a masterpiece, those envious of the graceful work cannot rest until they have lodged their hear-say, their gossip that there is something 'heterodox' here or what's even worse, 'they say he promoted heresy.' Meanwhile works that truly are heretical, such as 'bishop john 'shelby' spong's, get great coverage and an exposure that is on every form of media andquite harmful to to the creeds and the catechisms, the deposit ofthe faith of our fathers which he had sworn in his episcopal consecration to defend. I can't imagine but that the coals of theeternal bar-b-cue are reaching white-hot intensity in the case ofsuch a fore-swearer. And to see our booksellers full of these worst works on earth says what about our society? Who in the

media has ever said that Blessed John Cassian's marvelous teachings on the vices and virtues are worth reading? But they are of such a clear-water purity that I wish they were taught in all the schools I had learned in, and wish they were being taughtin the catholic school systems today. I mention 'school' because,of course after the family, it is the schools that do or do not teach the virtues that would help youngsters and adolescents in practical soul-saving lessons that would go a long way further than their present curriculum.

Were these influences on St Benedict and his famous rule? I imagine he read these works at some period and they did form an influence on him, but for the Rule itself one needs to looks at the ascetical works of St Basil and his consolidated rules for religious.

St Basil was the first teacher to really consolidate and makepractical the cenobium counsels of Pachomius. For St Basil believed that the anchoritic tradition of St Anthony was less

ideal for formation, in fact that it posed a danger of the monk potentially living for himself and not having learned the humility of obedience in community living. That made St Basil THEmajor formative influence on St Benedict. Both saints believed inthe cenobium as opposed to anchoritic life. Both believed in moderating the extremes of the ascetic life. Both believed that community would be the touchstone for humility. Both believed in justifying their positions by exclusive quotations from the Holy Scriptures. Both believed in worship in common, singing the liturgy of the hours (the divine office) at several periods during the day and evening, and both also made room for eating incommon and some kind of chapter room.

Of course another great influence upon St Benedict was theless well-known 'Master', as in the Rule of the Master. It was more harsh, more authoritarian and more what we may suppose how communities in a falling western empire were trying to survive asbarbarian armies, like the Norsemen raided and pillaged monasteries such as were in the Danegeld of England, the communities started by St Aidan, St Dunstan and where St Bede wrote. We do not know much about the "Master" and what we know ofSt Benedict comes from both sources written by Pope St Gregory 'the Dialogist.'

St Benedict himself hints at his influences in the final chapter of the Rule where he commends the study of the Catholic fathers including St Basil and the Conferences and Institutes of Blessed John Cassian. This in spite of the fact that we know thatSt Benedict borrowed directly from wordings of 'the Master.' Perhaps the Master was himself desiring anonymity, the kind that St Benedict wished for himself, for with him we have no theological writings nor hagiographical biographies. What we haveis a highly practical 'rule' that because of its very moderation and compassion, indeed saintly wisdom it became the cardinal document of the foundation of European civilization.

St Benedict's instructions on humility are seasoned by his experience with a community of men, though because of its gentleness it became equally valid for women religious. St Basil in his 'prologue' explicitly invites women onto the same path, nodoubt because of the inspiring example of St Macrina. St Benedictas well through St Gregory's portrayal informs us how St Scholastica gets the divine approval over her brother in a

special occasion of her visit. He intending to cut her visit short is waylaid by the answer to her hasty prayers when it storms, lightening and thunder, so that they have to continue their so rare visit, his rules being vetoed by the ultimate 'Master above.' And reading the Rule itself, one is struck by its own humility, its practicality and deliberate lack of theologicalabstraction or speculation.

In spite of my belief that the rules for humility are wise, my own experience at a modern Benedictine monastery I shall not name shows that they are violated on a pretty consistent basis. Rules such as revealing all to the Abbot, looking down in humility, and not taking pride in one's assignments. I would say that a good community depends upon an abbot who can bring about the enforcement to these rules of humility of St Benedict's. Thatis usually the purpose of the Chapter meetings. History witnessesthat things go slack every few decades and then a few select abbies take up the standard, such as that occurred at Solesmes, when a new start needed to occur after the ravages of the French Revolution. I have visited six or seven abbies and the easy temptation is to say even after them, that I understand the dynamics more of a successful monastery. But I do not. My first formative and longest stays were at an age when my heart soared in an imaginative fashion idealizing where I was, seeing love throughout.

This was at Nashdom Abbey, just west of London and halfway towards Oxford. My tutor took me first for his Mass said at the Anglican Sister Adorers of the Precious Blood. There I watched the Mass from behind the grill in a quaint and memorative monastery built in Tudor England, not that long before the vicious suppression of the monasteries by Thomas Cromwell under King Henry VIII. It was 'Maundy Thursday' and there was no washing of feet for us males. But I was moved by the sweet singing of the nuns in a dimly lit sanctuary. And then Easter Sunday I visited the monks of Nashdom, which happenstance had it,was only within two miles of Cliveden where my two terms at Stanford-in-Britain took place. It seems mind-boggling to me, in retrospect , that pretty well the only Anglo-Catholic Benedictinemonastery I could visit was within a comfortable walk through a forested open trail.

There was a kind of open lobby at this monastery, where with comfortable seating next to classic reading material which one could easily purchase and where you could have tea, meet and talk quietly with a monk or two. I got to know Dom Robert, the elderly exorcist, Dom Patrick, lover of Ireland and Catholic mythology, and Dom Cuthbert, a comfortably gruff but lovable monkwho was the guest-master, whose interest was in all things Orthodox. The monks were conveying a charity in the very air. It had been the home of Dom Gregory Dix, the Benedictine scholar who revolutionized liturgical awareness with his landmarkbook the Shape of the Liturgy. It was the practice to allow the guests to eat with the monks, where a monk would read from a lecturn. Meals were humble, moderately leaving you the feeling that you got what you needed but were restrained from what you might have wanted.

A half dozen Catholic monasteries since that time and I never found things as 'sweet' or 'magical' again, and that has been the experience of many, including monks themselves. Why is this? Why a community separated from the See of Peter would have such a graceful demeanor when compared with the 'children of the kingdom?' I can speculate only, but my guess is that it was related to the subject of this paper - humility.To start up a monastery in a Church founded during the Reformation was a humble exercise, that continually ran the risk of dissolution and where perhaps they had to look up to other communities as being more 'proper' or 'prestigious' than themselves, which is actually one of the very steps of humility. "Brethren each of you should regard the others as better than yourselves," said St Paul. Sadly in the post-conciliar age, vocations dwindled and Nashdom became the smaller Elmore Abbey, and then within the last few years, even Elmore became up for sale and a mere trio of monks now lasts in the 'close' of the mighty Gloucestershire Cathedral.

Was it C.S. Lewis, Henri Nouwen, or Thomas Merton who pointed out that the most ideal picture of the Church is the poorand small one found in Isaiah, where God looks down in pity upon her, calls her his own, and promises that through His courtship of her, she will be able to take off the clothes of mourning and deck herself with the dress, jewels and crown of the Bride of Heaven? She had become, in humility, fairer than all her sisters,

the very one to win the love of the returning King...

"Allthat's left"