“Food, Identity and Symbolic Metaphors in the Bengali South Asian- Canadian

Community”

by

Tasin S. Zaman

A thesis

presented to the University of Waterloo

in fulfilment of the

thesis requirement for the degree of

Master of Arts

in

Public Issues Anthropology

Waterloo, Ontario, Canada, 2010

© Tasin S. Zaman 2010

ii

Author's Declaration

I hereby declare that I am the sole author of this thesis. This is a true copy of the

thesis, including any required final revisions, as accepted by my examiners.

I understand that my thesis may be made electronically available to the public.

iii

Abstract

Migration is a process that allows people to circulate from one place to

another as they seek resources and search for new beginnings. The study of the

South-Asian Bengali community in Canada, conducted in Southern Ontario

show how women of first, second and third generation have adapted, resisted

and acculturated with the Canadian mainstream. The purpose of this research is

to convey the intricate connections between food and identity in the lives of

Bangladeshi-Canadian women between 19-25 who call Canada their home,

using participant observations and semi-structured interviewing. Food is a

marker of ethnic identity in a globalized, migrant community; cultural and

social issues governing the consumption of food products serve as a marker of

regional, national and gender identity. In the Bengali diaspora, food is a symbol

of tradition and a link to ethnic identity as younger generations of South Asian-

Canadian women maintain, conserve or oppose traditional values, while

engaging in identity construction. The research asks if rituals surrounding food

practices still retain a traditional meaning and fulfil the same expectations or if

the experiences of acculturation and immersion into mainstream Canadian

society transformed the conceptions of food, gender and ethnicity construction

amongst contemporary Bengali South-Asian Canadians. It will furthermore

explore gendered ideologies regarding food, its consumption and transmission

of social values. In the end, food and gender provide a lens through which

identity construction in the diaspora is revealed.

Keywords: Food, Gender, Identity, Bengali, Bangladeshi, South Asian

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Acknowledgements

I would like to express my deepest appreciation to my committee members who

have made this journey possible for me by providing guidance and support.

They have been invaluable to this project.

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Table of Contents

Author's Declaration .................................................................................................. ii

Abstract ......................................................................................................................iii

Acknowledgements .................................................................................................... iv

Introduction to the Community ................................................................................. 1

RESEARCH TOPIC AND QUESTIONS ............................................................................ 4

LITERATURE REVIEW AND THEORETICAL ORIENTATION........................................... 6

ASSUMPTIONS MADE AND EXPECTED RESULT ......................................................... 17

METHODOLOGY AND TECHNIQUES USED FOR DATA COLLECTION .......................... 18

Preliminary Data Analysis ....................................................................................... 21

Food and Social Solidarity........................................................................................ 25

Food and Dissonance ................................................................................................ 35

Recurring Themes in the Data ................................................................................. 43

IDENTITY-NATIONALITY: ........................................................................................ 43

FAMILY DYNAMICS: ................................................................................................ 45

MOTHER-DAUGHTER-DAUGHTER IN LAW RELATIONSHIPS: ..................................... 50

CAREER-EDUCATION: ............................................................................................. 57

GENDER DYNAMICS: ............................................................................................... 59

COOKING:................................................................................................................ 63

DIET: ....................................................................................................................... 66

BODY IMAGE: .......................................................................................................... 67

AESTHETICS-BEAUTY: ............................................................................................ 68

DATING-MARRIAGE: ............................................................................................... 70

RELIGIOUS FESTIVALS: ........................................................................................... 76

RELIGION: ............................................................................................................... 77

TRANSGRESSIONS (TRANSGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR IN RELATION TO RELIGIOUS

CONFLICTS, CULTURAL, MARRIAGE, BREAKING TABOOS): ....................................... 79

LANGUAGE:............................................................................................................. 80

“TRADITION” VS. CULTURAL CHANGE: ................................................................... 82

Conclusion ................................................................................................................. 83

Bibliography: ............................................................................................................ 89

1

Introduction to the Community

Food as subject matter is diverse. Food and identity are linked together through

bonds of ethnicity and culture, though the connections may not always be evident. But

that is not all that connects food and identity. They can be interchangeable for one

another as one cannot exist without the other to define it. This is especially true as food

may not only define 'who' we are, which reflects our identity, but also, where we come

from. The purpose of this research is to show how food and identity share a close

relationship through the lens of first, second and third generation Bangladeshi-Canadian

women who now call Canada their home. In traditional Bengali conceptualization, food

and all the structures, metaphors and symbols surrounding it are deeply rooted in

cultural identity and nationality. Practices surrounding food, the notions of proper food,

practices of food preparation and serving, etiquette, gender and social hierarchy are all

aspects that help shape Bengali-Canadian women‟s identity. Whether that identity is

ethnic or cultural, a large part of it is drawn from one‟s ties to cultural heritage- food

and language. Without food to serve as a marker of identity and without language and

societal customs which govern that behaviour as uniquely 'Bengali,' these Canadian

women would find it hard to relate to themselves and others as Bengali.

Questions surrounding identity-nationality, family dynamics, mother-daughter

and daughter-in-law relationships, career/education, gender dynamics, cooking, diet,

body image, aesthetics/beauty, dating/marriage, religious festivals, religion and

transgressions (especially for example, in relation to marriage, religious choice, dating) ,

language, and gender identity emerge as recurring themes as women who participated in

the research engage in discussions about them. All of these topics are tied to food,

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which conversely also ties them to identity. As these 19 to 25 year-old Bengali-

Canadian women try to negotiate, understand and define the boundaries of their

identities, they question the social and cultural hierarchies that are reproduced through

structures of food and why these structures are needed to define their identity as

'Bengali women.'

Part of what attracted me to conduct research about Bengali-Canadian women is

my own origin as a first generation Bengali-Canadian woman. As I face various forms

of cultural assimilation, adaptation and acculturation processes, I am engaged in

negotiating my own identity within the Bengali-Canadian community. Yet, there is a

lack of resources, writings and academic sources that discuss the feelings of Bengali

immigrant identity-making. Academic literature tells us very little about Bengali women

and how they define their ties to their country of origin, or ancestral country. Does this

mean that Bengali women do not wish to talk about themselves or their lives? Or does it

mean that they are not educated enough to write about it themselves? Or, is it simply

that less than adequate research has been conducted on this particular North American

ethnic community? While there are a large number of resources that can be found about

other South-Asian communities, certainly large relative to what is available about

Bengalis, there is hardly anything in the literature about the life, social customs, habits,

attitudes, behaviours of the Bengali-Canadian. What‟s more, the target of research is

Bangladeshi-Canadians should not to be confused with West-Bengal (or Northern

Indian) Bengali-Canadians. My desire to study both Muslim and Hindu women was

based on my interest in the religious divide that exists in Bangladesh. The majority of

Bangladeshi are Muslim, with Hindus forming the next largest denomination.

3

According to Bangla2000, about 80 percent of Bangladeshis are Muslims, making them

the largest religious group in the country (Bangla2000, n.d.).

This research was designed with the aim that it would provide the opportunity

for regular, average, everyday Bengali women to have a voice and talk about issues that

matter to them. Though the research was designed with a framework of food and

identity, it was structured with enough fluidity that participants could engage in

conversation about other topics as well. This is evidenced in the broad category of

themes that were generated by the study. Though I focus much of my attention on food

related themes, not all are directly related to food, including aesthetics (beauty, body

image and dieting), marriage, dating, religion and much more.

In my opinion, this research shows that food and identity are ultimately cultural

metaphors that help to enforce ideas about traditional customs, ideologies, behaviours,

values and attitudes. Whether these traditional structures concern gendered philosophies

and behaviour, religious ideologies, issues of marriage and dating or something else, the

notion of food and identity allow these ideas and customs expression. Food and identity

are then interchangeable because it becomes another way of addressing more complex

issues like belonging, gender, class, ethnicity, cultural values and group dynamics. It is

through food and identities that these structures are reproduced, whether the generations

choose to pass them onwards to the future or decide to abandon these traditional ways

of life; they serve a guideline for Bengali-Canadian women trying to find themselves

and forge an identity of their own.

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The words 'tradition' and 'traditional' are being used in this introduction, and the

reader will find it through the paper as well. As I use the term tradition to talk about the

'traditional' way of life or customs, behaviours and ideologies that are considered

'traditional,' I acknowledge that it is a highly contested term in the social sciences.

However, the use of the term is necessary as my informants use the term to understand

their own experiences. They juxtapose tradition with modern to understand the changes

that have happened and are happening in their culture. Therefore, these terms are not

used as analytical terms, but are in place to reflect my informants' everyday language

use. So, for the purpose of this paper, the term tradition or traditional refers to my

informants' understanding of the 'conventional' or usual way of life as told by their

parents or grandparents in context to the contemporary way of life

Research Topic and Questions

Food is a marker of ethnic identity. In a globalized, migrant community cultural

and social issues governing the consumption of food products serve as a marker of

regional, national and geographic identity. The ritualization of food and its symbolic

structures are shaped by notions about proper foodstuffs, food preparation and

service, social hierarchy, etiquette and gendered philosophies in South Asia. In the

South Asian-Canadian community, food serves as a symbol of tradition and a link to

ethnic identity as younger generations of South Asian-Canadians participate in the

ritual processes that maintain and conserve traditional values and identity. However,

generational divides and immersion in mainstream Canada introduce issues of

acculturation and changing patterns within the South Asian community, impacting,

5

transforming and re-negotiating notions of „proper food.‟ Since South Asia is a

broad region, for the purposes of this research, focus will be on Bengali South Asian

Canadians who originated from Northern India and Bangladesh.

In the initial stages of my research, I set out to learn if rituals surrounding food

practices still retain a traditional, ritualized meaning and fulfil the same expectations

or if the experiences of acculturation and immersion into mainstream Canadian

society have transformed the conceptions of food and ethnicity amongst

contemporary Bengali South Asian Canadians. I thought to accomplish this goal by

asking how contemporary Bengali-Canadians construct their ethnic and national

identities in a multicultural, multiethnic, globalized community. Differences in

identity (South Asian and Canadian) were examined in order to understand how

younger generations of South Asian Canadians negotiate their identities: are they

South Asian, Canadian or some combination of each? In the beginning, I believed

that the generational divide among first, second and third generation women would

be significant in determining identity because I assumed that the link to one‟s native

country is more likely to decrease through the generations. I also explored gendered

ideologies especially with respect to what is regarded as women‟s intrinsic link to

food: its preparation and consumption and the role it plays in the transmission of

social values.

The study was conducted amongst young adult women who are Bengali-

Canadians between the ages of 19-25 years of age ranging from first to third generation

immigrants. They or their families are from either Northern India or Bangladesh. Due to

6

the fact that religious beliefs of Hinduism and Islam influence social structure and

values, I also examined the complexity of food proscriptions based on religious

differences. These research questions raise concerns about identity construction which

is becoming an increasingly complex phenomenon in a trans-national Canada where

individuals negotiate complex relationships to their ethnic and cultural identities.

Literature Review and Theoretical Orientation

The literature review of food and identity discloses that the reproduction of

gender, social and cultural structures in this immigrant community is symbolic in

maintaining a link to the “native land.” Vallianatos & Raine have conducted a study

with an Arabic speaking community of South Asian women that have undergone dietary

adaptation and have incorporated foreign food with their traditional diet in Consuming

Food and Constructing Identities among Arabic and South Asian Immigrant Women

(2008: 359). Similarly, Turgeon and Pastinelli have explored the issue of food

categories by looking at the ethnic categories of food through the diverse ethnic cuisines

available in Quebec City. Eat the World: Postcolonial Encounters in Quebec City's

Ethnic Restaurants discusses the incorporation of the “exotic” as part of “Canadian

Cuisine” (2002: 260-264). Murcott's Cooking and the Cooked: A Note on the Domestic

Preparation of Meals as well as The Sociology of Food and Eating: Essays on the

Sociological Significance of Food (1985) and Padolsky's You are What You Eat:

Ethnicity, Food and Cross-Cultural Spaces (2005) focus on women and the importance

of women‟s contribution to maintaining the traditional structures as well as women‟s

diet in comparison to men‟s diet. Though the authors stated above did not conduct their

7

research among Bengali Americans or Canadians, they are not entirely inexperienced.

The literature of food and ethnicity are useful, especially since there is not a large

literature on Bengali or Bangladeshi populations when it comes to the social customs

and attitudes surrounding food. So, looking at other ethnic groups who see food

consumption and preparation as integral to the social dynamic provides a comparative

literature.

Ray's The Migrant's Table: Meals and Memories in Bengali American

Households (2004), and Counihan and Van Esterik's Food and Culture: A Reader

(2008) have produced contemporary material on ethnic cuisine and gendered structures

that are promising to this research, as they focus on the reproduction of traditional

structures within the context of migration, relocation, globalization and modernization.

Counihan has also written The Anthropology of Food and Body: Gender, Meaning and

Power which shows food from an anthropological perspective, using the lens of gender

and empowerment. This is a useful material for the study as the research contained all

female participants. Ray‟s work is particularly important in this context as he has

written the most current ethnographic material available on Bengalis in North America.

Although he presents data about Bengali Americans rather than Bengali-Canadians, the

wide array of ethnographic material he provides along with his emphasis on symbolic

reproduction on structures make it a very good source of information. Fieldhouse‟s

Food and Nutrition: Customs and Culture (1995) studies food in relation to cultural

customs. This helps educate the reader on the role of nutrition; how food ideologies may

breed racism and ethnocentrism; about different cuisines, methods of meal preparation,

and etiquette; the cultural norms and social functions of food and gender, religion,

8

morals and ethics; and „taste,‟. An investigation of food in popular culture through the

work of Parasecoli's Bite Me: Food in Popular Culture (2008) provides an overview of

the relationship between food and identity politics. This work discusses how tourism

and the technological advancements of science have also changed the consumption and

performance of food. Fieldhouse, and Parasecoli talk about food in a contemporary

context, introducing issues of social regulation of food customs, taste and identity which

are topics that come up during the course of research. This literature helped me

construct my questionnaire for the semi-structured interview, as it made me aware of

identity, gender and taste as relevant topics.

Food and Culture by Counihan and Van Esterik (2008) introduces theories of

food consumption, changing habits and contemporary issues surrounding food with

reference to works of leading theorists in the field like Margaret Mead, Roland Barthes,

Claude Levi-Strauss, Mary Douglas, Marvin Harris, Michel de Cereal and Luce Guard,

showing the basis and development of modern theories of food structures. Cultures of

Taste/Theories of Appetite: Eating Romanticism is another essential reader in this field

produced by Morton (2004). This reader addresses the importance of „taste,‟ exploring

the relationship between the consumer and consumption by looking at identity

performance in this dyadic relationship. Nordmeyer‟s The Taste Culture Reader (2007)

also begins with an introduction to the study of taste and culture. In particular, he details

the intricate relationship that is shared between the two to produce culinary themes and

habits. Jack Goody (2007) gives an overall history of culinary cultures and their

development while Pierre Boride (2007) emphasizes the importance of acquired

behaviour or „taste‟ in the production and maintenance of social class. The works in the

9

readers broadened my knowledge in the variety of theories that are present in the food

literature concerning 'taste' and etiquette. Knowing these theories allowed me to frame

the questions that I asked to my respondents when talking about flavour, likes and

dislikes. David Sutton's Remembrance of Repasts: An Anthropology of Food and

Memory (2007) addresses memory and the taste of home which is an area of food

studies that has gained increasing popularity for understanding adaptation and

acculturation in the context of migration, especially in deciphering why certain rituals

manage to exist while other seemingly important rituals surrounding eating etiquette

disappear during the adaptive process. In terms of research, it helped me realize that

notions of food customs will evolve from one generation to next among Bangladeshi

Canadian families as the distance to the 'native' land will increase, impacting the

retention of customs. Finally, the work of Lupton in (2007) analyzes the relationship

between food and emotion that examines structural reproduction and the transmission of

values and identity within cultural dynamics from one generation to the next. This

expands on the concepts the same notions that are present in Sutton's work, except that

it also includes values and identities along with food customs and migration.

Though gender has been integrated in the literature review above, a deeper

exploration of gender through Westwood and Bhachu's Enterprising Women: Ethnicity,

Economy, and Gender Relations (1988), Sweetman's Gender and Migration (1998)

Inness's Cooking Lessons: The Politics of Gender and Food (2001) and Leeds-Hurwitz's

From Generation to Generation: Maintaining Cultural Identity over Time (2006) shows

the progression and change in attitudes, gender ideologies and the changing dynamics in

relationship to cooking, „mothering,‟ maintaining cultural identity and the socialization

10

of daughters. Both works address immigrant women and the relationship between a

working wife and a working mother by investigating how class, economic opportunities,

and job availability affect traditional patriarchal structures, hierarchy, income etc,

noting new trends for gender behaviour in immigrant communities. Each book

contributes a wide range of articles by various authors writing over a decade and

therefore, illustrates the struggles that have been overcome for successful change and

those that continue to be negotiated. Gender is a prevalent topic as women are the

informants of this research, and issues of gender dynamics, division of labour within

households and notions of mothering are all part of the narratives.

The work of Mennell, Murcott and Otterloo in The Sociology of Food: Eating,

Diet and Culture (1992) addresses the relationship between eating, diet and culture,

which becomes important in my investigation of the relationship of women and body

imaging in North America especially when that work is compared to the research on

food consumption and eating habits. Since women are the mediators of food and social

values, patterns of food consumption have been impacted by dieting and the

development of new food technology, changing how women experience their body and

cooking in the age of technology. Dieting, nutrition and body image are topics of

conversation in the semi-structured interviews.

Research in this category has also been conducted by Counihan (1999) who has

furthered the discussion of food and gender through the anthropology of the „body‟.

This work examines dieting, the female body, reproduction, sexuality and their

determinant position in ensuring women‟s ties to food and culture. While Inness (2001)

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investigates appropriate gender behaviour, expectations and culture in gender politics,

Leeds-Hurwitz (2006) looks at maintaining cultural identity over time and the integral

role of women in reproducing social, cultural and ethnic values through heritage

communication, language, religion and food. Identity politics, kinship work and cultural

maintenance have been delegated to women as the gatekeepers of socialization. These

works focus on „mothering‟ and cultural attitudes towards mothering, presenting trends

in behaviour, though they do not necessarily deal with issues related to the

acceptance/rejection of cultural values.

Due to my own Bengali-Canadian ancestry, I felt it was pertinent to explore the

literature of interpretive anthropology as objectivity; reflexivity and the method of

conducting research are essential to the success of this endeavour and might be affected

by the researcher‟s own background. The early inspiration and example is Barbara

Myerhoff who studied the Jewish population of Israel Levin Senior Centre. Myerhoff

manages to successfully research her informants' understanding of Judaism to

interrogate her own. There are also contemporary examples by Ray (2004) and

Panourgiá (2008) who are anthropologists studying peoples of their own ancestry and

producing texts relevant to contemporary anthropology.

I would also like to addresses the process of conducting research and writing.

Fabians‟ Anthropology with an Attitude: Critical Essays (2001) is a collection of essays

that talk about the production of knowledge, ethnographic objectivity, misunderstanding

context, utilizing examples from work done in the field that stipulate a rough guideline

of dos and don‟ts in the field for a new researcher. Clair‟s Expressions of Ethnography

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(2003) provides an array of critical essays by various authors. The section on

ethnographic perspectives outlining the meanings and symbols for conducting

interpretive ethnographic and a separate ethics for Post-colonial ethnography by

Goodall Jr.'s What is Interpretive Anthropology? An Eclectic Tale (2003) and

Gonzalez's An Ethics for Post-Colonial Ethnography (2003) is thought provoking

because it addresses the topic of migration following post colonial experience, which is

relevant as Bangladesh was part of the land colonized first by the British Empire, and

then by Pakistan. Similarly, the last section of the book on genealogy and post-colonial

identity which addresses ethnicity, ethnic identity, dislocation and the issue of homeland

are directly relevant to the research being undertaken here as the participants as well as I

have been engaging in identity construction and understanding migration. Sanford and

Angel-Ajani's Engaged Observer: Anthropology, Advocacy, and Activism (2006) and

Panourgiá and Marcus' Ethnographic Moralia: Experiments in Interpretive

Anthropology (2008) also concentrate on the issue of conducting interpretive

ethnographic observation, power relations, perspectives, identities in-flux and other

issues that are imperative in conducting good research. I understand that the underlying

values, structures and notions of identity are transformative processes; that changing

and adapting to the mainstream population also transforms the notions of pre-existing

Bengali identity to incorporate new ideals, values and beliefs. This redefinition of

identity through the performances of food related practices reflect the changing patterns

of the Bengali South Asian Canadian community.

I use the word identity repeatedly, so it is pertinent to provide a description of

identity that I am operating with. The word identity is being used here as a descriptor

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for cultural and social identity which makes an individual distinct from others. An

individual may express their identity through language, food, dress and behaviour.

Identity, especially ethnic identity fosters a sense of self and belonging to a collective

group through biological ancestry and characteristics. Though there are markers of

identity, it is an abstract concept.

The one problem I encountered while I was conducting this literature review was

that there was a lack of material concerning Bangladeshi-Canadian and Bangladeshi-

American populations. With the exception of Ray‟s The Migrant's Table: Meals and

Memories in Bengali American Households (2004), there were very few articles about

South Asians and the focus of these was Indian, Pakistani and Tamil groups. This leaves

a wide slot where nothing is being said about Bengalis. While there were numerous

works on Bangladeshis, they were about proper nutrition and diet (mostly from rural

and village studies) as well as economics, family planning and nutrition. What of

Bengali-Canadians, Bengali Americans and all the other Bengali populations in the

United Kingdom? I could not track down sources about gender structures, food

practices and etiquette, social customs, the gendered division of labour and so much

more. What relevant information is present is from Ray and other anthropologists who

have studied food, social customs and practices in immigrant communities in other parts

of the world or in North America. This lack of available material and literature needs to

be addressed so that information is available to future anthropologists and students in

anthropology that would want to study this ethnic group. Bengali-Canadians make up a

significant portion of Ontario's population, and they are largely distributed across

Canada. Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver are big centres where Bengali-Canadians

14

have their own markets, grocery stores, bakeries, music stores and much more. This I

state from my personal experience as a Bengali woman who is aware of the food and

shopping centres that are talked about in the community. The inability to have access to

data- qualitative or quantitative- hampered the research process greatly. This thesis is

heavily reliant on the research work that was conducted through semi-structured

interviews and participant observations among Bengali women between 19-25 and

Bengali households both Hindu and Muslim during Eid-ul-Fitr, Eid-ul-Adha, Durga

Puja and Diwali.

Before we progress any further, I would like to explain the Islamic and Hindu

religious festivals that I have mentioned to clarify what they are since my participant

observation involved them. There are some continuous themes that are present in these

events, despite the difference in religious beliefs. There is a significant focus on gender

dynamics and the tasks that are delegated to women and men during these events.

Another important part of celebrating these festivals is the element of timing. Timing

plays a large role because there are specific times of prayer, followed by specific times

of food consumption. Also, food preparation (which ties in with gender division of

tasks) and its presentation are crucial to the events, because the food served has to be

deemed of appropriate quality. To serve food to guests during this event that is not the

'standard' of food expected, is to demean oneself and to lose honour. Since these are big

religious events that are celebrated with family units, it usually means that it is the

honour of the family that is at stake. To make it easier to relate the events to the themes

that have been mentioned above, they will be grouped together according to religion.

15

Eid-ul-Fitr and Eid-ul-Adha are the two major Islamic celebratory events in the

Islamic calendar, which is based on moon cycles. Eid-ul-Fitr is always celebrated after

the holy month of Ramadan that observes fasting, praying and repentance of sins to

mark an occasion for joy and sharing between all Muslims. Eid-ul-Adha is celebrated

after the month of pilgrimage or Hadh where devout Muslims go to Mecca (one of the

cities of origin of the faith) and is also focused on sharing and giving. Eid-ul-Adha, also

called the 'Bokri Eid' in Bangladesh shows the importance of sacrifice. This event is

emphasized with a special ritual sacrifice of animals (usually cows, goat and sheep)

done in a specific way, and the meat is shared with relatives, neighbours and the poor.

The premise of both events is sharing, solidarity and uniting of all Muslim brothers and

sisters in the religion through generosity. These are basic descriptions of the events.

Now, it is clear from the summary provided that Eid-ul-Adha is largely centred on the

consumption and distribution of food due to the fact that it is always celebrated with a

sacrifice by Muslims. However, despite the fact that Eid-ul-Fitr is celebrated after the

month of fast and prayers, it is also food centric and many delicacies, sweets, shahi

foods (or foods as believed to have been consumed by the shahs, emperors) are cooked

to mark the end of the purging fast.

Durga Puja and Diwali are Hindu celebrations. Durga Puja which is essentially

the worship of the goddess Durga from Hinduism is one of the largest celebrated pujas.

There are six special days that are observed for the celebration of Ma-Durga. The dates

are set according to a traditional Hindu calendar that observes the celebration of the

Goddess Durga. The entire event (amongst Bangladeshi Hindus) spans a fortnight and

different aspects of Durga are revered and worshipped in the days of the Puja. In

16

Bangladesh and among Bangladeshi Hindus residing in Canada, it is a major festival

and a very significant cultural event. It is usually held within the month of Kartik in the

Bengali calendar which roughly corresponds to the period between September and

October. The puja shows the various stages of Durga's reigns, and enacts her prowess

from the Mahabharata, ending with the casting of the idol into the water with a

procession that invites her to come again the next year for the Durga puja ceremony.

Pujas in Hinduism utilize idols made in the image of the gods and goddesses for

worshipping purposes, and this ceremony has elaborate idols, each showing different

aspects of Durga and the stages of her reign. Puja Mandaps are set all over to give

people a place to worship.

Diwali or the festival of lights happens in mid-October or mid-November and

usually spans about five days. It is a prominent festival celebrated by the Hindus and is

noted for its ties to the Ramayana Mahabharata as it is a celebration of good triumphing

over evil. It is an aesthetically pleasing event with its multitudes of candles, deeps and

other forms of lights that are arranged in patterns and rows to represent lightness over

dark. Bengalis celebrate Diwali as part of Kali Puja. They use the lamps, candles and

the deeps in memory of departed souls and beloved family members and relatives who

have passed away. They worship the goddess Kali, and hope that as the goddess of time,

she will help their ancestors re-incarnate and walk the earth again.

Other versions of Diwali are celebrated worldwide. One that is better known in

North America and United Kingdom is Guy Fawkes Night, which coincides with

Diwali, happening around the beginning of November. Guy Fawkes Night, which is a

17

British holiday, was presumably picked up in India during the British Raj because it

coincided with Diwali. It was celebrated with fireworks.

There is more elaboration on Eid-ul-Fitr, Eid-ul-Adha, Durga Puja and Diwali in

the sections following where data from the participant observation is analyzed.

Assumptions made and Expected Result

As I moved forward with my research, I assumed that the data I collected would

reflect the complexities of food related practices. I expected I would be able to show

how the process of preparing and consuming food – as shared experiences -- bring

people together and unite them. I anticipated the data would be diverse as the sample

population would consist of first, second and third generation women with different

religious backgrounds, food proscriptions, familial, and regional values.

I expected the study would reveal the nuances of food related issues such as

proscriptions based on religion, food taboos based on religious preference, personal

preference with „taste‟, diet and nutritional structures, the importance of language; as

well as different notions and perceptions of food and identity based on ancestral origins.

The objective was not to make broad generalizations but to analyze the complex

structure of ethnic identities and the various processes of identity construction that

Bengali-Canadians engage in. I expected to find out about the ways in which Bengali-

Canadian women negotiate their cultural and ethnic identity and/or maintain their

cultural identities while facing the processes of acculturation, transformation, and the

18

inclusion/exclusion of group members. I also expected to reveal how food is intricately

connected and crucial to the process of identity formation.

Methodology and Techniques Used for Data Collection

For the purpose of this thesis and due to time limitations, I decided to investigate

the issue from the perspective of women. All women selected for the study were

between the ages of 19-25, placing them in the „young adults‟ to 'official adults'

category. As the city of Kitchener-Waterloo is host to two Universities as well as a

College, the selection of age was originally dependent on finding participants who are

attending academic institutions or recent graduates who have decided to make the city

their permanent home. Participants were recruited through the use of fliers that

advertised the topic of my research, through networking sites such as Facebook and the

South Asian Bengali community of the Kitchener-Waterloo region. Participants were

chosen with the criteria that they were of Bengali descent, identified as first, second and

third generation Bengali women willing to talk about the research topic and qualified in

the chosen age category. Though the original assumption was to recruit participants

from the Kitchener-Waterloo area alone, it expanded to include volunteers from the

Greater Toronto Area as well. There were seventeen women in total, nine of them were

first generation, five of them were second generation and three of them were third

generation. Thirteen of the women were Muslim, three were Hindu and one identified

herself as Hindu and Pagan. By Pagan, she means North American Neo-Paganism.

19

The method for gathering information included both participant observation and

semi-structured interviews. Participant observation was conducted during religious

festivals that are celebrated by Bengali Hindus as well as Muslims, mainly Eid-ul-Fitr,

Eid-ul-Azha, Durga Puja and Diwali. Participation in the project also included a 40

minute semi-structured interview. Though there were a few set questions prepared for

each interview, much of the interview allowed for 'impromptu' topics or followed the

topic of conversation introduced by the participant. All participants met me at a public

location of their choice, which was usually a shopping mall or a coffee or tea shop

where the interview session was held. Though the interviews varied in length, they all

ended within the 40 minute time slot.

All qualitative data gathered during the research process from participant

observations and interviews underwent inductive and deductive coding methods

because the methodology is hermeneutic or interpretive. The inductive coding process

involved organizing data according to repeating themes and concerns. First, the raw data

was gathered from the interviews and participant observations and condensed into short

summaries. Then, once the summaries were analyzed, clear links and repeating themes

or motifs were isolated. Then, the data were studied for the themes using a set of

procedures that allowed for comparisons between first, second and third generation

Bengali women. Deductive coding was used to analyze the content or text from the raw

data, so that it could be organized according to relevancy. This form of coding was used

in order to see how many times a topic was raised, with what intensity or to compare

how people felt about a certain topic. However, since these revealed really broad

spectra, after some initial comparisons, content analysis was used for the interviewing

20

process while data from direct and participant observations underwent structuring

through mental maps, which are similar to flow charts. The development of these

mental maps involved a close study of the text with a detailed focus on the

terminologies used by the participants. Furthermore, the data gathered from the

interviews and the data gathered from the participant observations was compared to see

what commonalities or differences occurred. This type of analysis also helped organize

the data around a number of themes, allowing for the identification of differences and

for comparisons between and among first, second and third generation participants.

Grounded analysis is a method of qualitative data analysis where interview

transcripts are identified by themes or categories which are compared, linked together

and related to each other to find meaning and to better understand the content (Bernard,

1998: 607-611). Pile sorts categorize the data and allow for paired comparisons to

compare and contrast between the data (Bernard, 1998: 390). Both forms of coding

were essential to the success of the project as they helped to organize and arrange the

data. The thematic motifs/issues and textual analysis together provided a method of

triangulation, that tested the accuracy and similarity of the results in a methodical way.

A wide array of methodology was used to approach the data; however, ultimately, all of

the methods relied on my observations and interpretations. Using pile sorting allowed

generational comparison in the data from first to third generations in terms of ratios and

percentages. This helps to show the qualitative and quantitative aspects of the research.

Furthermore, the use of Grounded Analysis helped log the frequency with which the

themes appeared from first generation to third.

21

Preliminary Data Analysis

Experiences surrounding food are versatile. Just as food can bring families and

individuals together, connecting through bonds of solidarity, kinship, love, commitment,

cultural values, social rules, and just as it can have a unifying effect, it can also do the

opposite. While it connects people and families, it can also separate and divide. Eating

the right type of food and knowing the proper etiquette and social norms are important

as they have lasting impacts on the relationships. Ultimately, food is about making

relationships. Whether it allows people to maintain an already existing relationship or

helps to establish new relationships- it may cause people to live harmoniously or to fight

viciously- it is about interaction. In this context, the social norms, values, ideologies,

beliefs and ways of behaving are all tied to food. Teaching the next generation how to

cook and the very act of cooking, allows the cook to transmit her community‟s social

and cultural values. Cooking is never just about cooking. And since the cooks in a

South-Asian Bengali family are primarily mothers, this is largely about mother-daughter

relationships as well as mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships, and conversely

mother, daughter and daughter in law relationships. This forms a triangular pattern and

presents us with areas of generational contention between the mother and daughter or

daughter in law. To take it a step further, if a grandmother or grandmother-in-law is

introduced to this process, then, the generational gap becomes more pronounced as

values, beliefs, ideologies and etiquette do not stay stagnant. But, the changes that

happen between one generation to the next, especially when it meets with the

disapproval of the elders, cause friction, and create conflict in day to day interactions.

These conflicts are often experienced through acts of food preparation, consumption and

22

division of kitchen and household chores, as female family members may choose to

uphold the norms or rebel against it.

Participant observation and semi-structured interviews disproved assumptions

that I made in the beginning of the research process. I assumed that food would serve as

a connection that would link people together in social solidarity; that it would serve as a

bridge between old world customs and the Bengali-Canadian community. However,

even the merest glance through the interview sets and the participant observation

summaries reveals that the data is diverse. Also, the assumption that the cultural foods

would be more prominent in first generation migrants, and decrease in practice and

importance as one proceeded to second and then the third was not an accurate prediction

for this particular data set. Examples from the interviews where first generation women

are rebelling against the norm of cooking, home-making and gender divisive chores

show that they are not upholding the traditional practices of food making and

preparation. Yet, there are examples of second generation women that are avid cooks,

some of whom speak the native language of Bangla and others who do not. How one

experiences one‟s culture or performs identity varies despite social conditioning, rigidly

structured norms and shared values. That is not to say that the norms, values and beliefs

do not have an impact on the individual's life, positive or negative- just that it is not the

only thing that informed the decisions made by these Bengali-Canadian women. A great

example of that are two third generation women in the data set, who have overturned

core social values, customs, beliefs and norms that were included in their conditioning

as part of being a 'Bengali' when one of them chose to identity as a transgendered

woman and another decided to change her religion from Islam to Hinduism and adopt

23

vegetarianism as part of her religious practices. These transgressive examples show that

despite a very strong traditional upbringing, people chose to perform their identity

differently, sometimes transgressing against the allocated norms, even at the risk of

being denounced by community and family members.

An important theme that emerges through the interviews and participant

observation as well is the consideration of diet and women's anxiety and belief that

traditional diets are fattening and not as healthy as readily available consumer products..

Grocery stores in Canada sport a large selection of „regular' and 'diet' foods, leaving

shoppers to choose from a wide array and select products that they wish to consume.

Traditional foods on the other hand come with recipes, and though individuals can try to

modify the recipe to a 'diet friendly' recipe, it is usually not without altering the taste of

the food completely, and it sometimes takes away the richness of the heritage behind it.

For instance, using ghee (also known as clarified butter) in preparation of foods for Eid-

ul-Fitr, Eid-ul-Adha and other special occasions also marks the importance of the

celebration as ghee was initially a product that only the rich could afford. At first,

recipes involving ghee were used for special events to mark its difference from daily

food. Nowadays, it is an affordable product that can be consumed at any time. When

cooking for guests, it is usually utilized. Not using it takes away the taste and texture

that it contributes as well as the interwoven history that it shares with Bengali food. But

alas, ghee is fattening. Similarly, the use of oils or fried food that is present in Bengali

cooking is also something that many women (first, second and third generation) view as

being extremely unhealthy. The traditional diet has fats and oils that distinguish it from

24

the Canadian foods that are available in stores. The argument can easily be made that

they are lifestyle choices.

Aesthetics and beauty are largely related to dieting and keeping fit.. Issues of

aesthetics and beauty become prominent when we consider the media‟s representation

of a particular image, whether it be from Bollywood or Hollywood. These issues

become particularly pertinent when topics of dating, mate selection and marriage enter

the picture as the women want to be as close to the physical ideal as they can be in order

to improve their chances of marriage, capturing the 'right' man and establishing a good

life with (of course) an appropriate man (i.e., a man that the family will approve of).

This is not to say that there are not those who marry without their parent‟s approval, just

that dieting, aesthetics and beauty are concerns that are commonplace among women in

the Bengali-Canadian community.

25

Food and Social Solidarity

Food serves as a dominant symbol in Bengali culture encouraging the literal

embodiment of its roots, cultural heritage and most of all, the traditions, the rules and

regulations that are part of Bengali society. Rules vary depending on the class,

educational background, caste (in case of Hinduism) and religion as these are the

primary factors that influence the construction of the 'traditional' rules which are

followed as guidelines of how-to-be Bengali. Bangladeshi identity is largely derived

from national pride (in the case of Bangladesh it is reverential to the movement of

Independence and the establishment of National Language Day), and on its difference

from the North American way of life. Food and language are interconnected. Therefore,

performing language and performing food are both ways of performing Bengali identity.

In order to better understand the rituals surrounding food, participant

observation was conducted during religious and cultural festivals when food was

important. As mentioned earlier, the interviews and the participant observation

conducted included both Bengali Hindus and Bengali Muslims of Bangladeshi origin

who now reside in Canada. So, the rituals that were focused on were Eid-ul-Fitre, Eid-

ul-Adha, Durga Puja and Diwali.

Performances of these four religious events are based largely on the food. So,

how is this food -- which serves as a uniting factor between the Muslims that are

partaking in this event -- prepared and consumed? For Eid-ul-Fitr and Eid-ul-Adha, men

are in charge of procuring the proper food items. In the case of Eid-ul-Adha, it is the

men that pick out the best animals from the market for sacrifice, considering build,

26

strength, age, size etc to find the one that is suitable within the price that they have set

aside for it. In Eid-ul-Fitr, it is once again the men that go to the markets. This time they

are not buying live animals like cows or goats, but getting the freshest meat possible and

possibly buying live chickens to be skinned and cut in the market to bring home for Eid

preparations. If men are shopping, that is going out to the markets to buy the meats,

grains, vegetables or other products needed for the events, then what are the women

doing? The answer is simple: cooking. The women are in charge of turning the raw food

products into tasty morsels for consumption. The kitchen is the domain of the women

during these events, usually with a grandmother or a mother-in-law as the supervisor

over daughters and daughters-in-law. The men still have a big task to complete in the

kitchen and that is the job of kneading the special dough for luchi or paratha, which are

different types of bread that are served for breakfast the morning of Eid. Usually the

night before, the men knead the special doughs that are required, often kneading for

hours at a time with breaks in between until the desired consistency is reached. This can

take up to 5 hours or so depending on what type of luchi or paratha is being made for

Eid. In this section, we can see that men and women share chores when it comes to Eid,

even if it is not usual in everyday life for the men to participate in kitchen duties. The

performance of „Eid chores‟ varies from household to household and family to family.

From my participant observation, generally, the men contributed in the grocery

shopping and some of the cleaning, aside from kneading the dough, while the women

focused on cooking and tidying up so that everything looked presentable for the guests.

To draw some of my personal experiences, contribution is partly dependent on the level

of excitement. In the past, I have seen my father, uncles and other family members

27

participate in chores when they were very excited about celebrating Eid. There have

been other years when they are not as enthusiastic and do not want to do as much. But

in general, they are usually the shoppers who are responsible for buying the raw food

products for Eid.

In three different houses where participant observation was conducted, the men

were in charge of making the bread for the morning of Eid as well as part of cleaning up

the house and the kitchen for both Eid events. When asked, one of the men (who was

also the father of the household) replied that he is leaving the women to do what they

know, while he is contributing what he knows to do (the cleaning) as his part of the

chores. He also said that if he didn't help out, then everything wouldn't be done in time

as his spouse wouldn't have time to do a good job on the cleaning as well as the

cooking, and the family would lose face if the guests came for a visit into a dirty house.

It is also interesting to note here that in all cases (for both events in all the three

households that were observed), the women did certain household tasks that they didn't

think the men could do, all of which involved decorating, such as putting out nice

cushions for the couches, the right coloured towels in the bathroom, making up the beds

with the fancy bed-spreads, cleaning and changing curtains, just to name a few.

Guests are a very important part of Eid, because is centred around sharing food

and eating together. During Eid (both of the Eid events are being included here), one

visits family, relatives and friends. This visiting aspect is usually carried out on the day

of Eid, the day after and the day after that. For Eid-ul-Adha, when you visit, you bring

over the share of meat that you are giving to your hosts, but for Eid-ul-Fitr, you do not

28

have to bring any gifts. The guests themselves count as gifts, and to not have guests

marks a very sad occasion because it means you do not have anyone to celebrate with

you or anyone who cares about you. However, it is customary to buy new clothes for the

day of Eid (for both events), and children take delight in showing off their new Eid

clothing. Visiting cannot start until the morning prayer for Eid has been done (for both

events). Once people have observed the prayers in the mosque, the visiting can

commence. All Muslims greet each other with the phrase “Eid Mubarak” and hug each

other during the celebratory time which includes the following two days. However, only

women hug other women and only men hug other men. Sons and daughters either hug

their parents or perform a 'salaam' where they bend down and touch their hands to the

feet of the elder and then touch their foreheads and their heart as a sign of respect. So

the elders get 'salaams' rather than hugs, and other men and women just exchange the

greeting without hugs, unless they are siblings or classificatory siblings.

Food is not limited to breakfast, lunch and dinner. One can visit up to five

households a day, which means that in each household, you must have a meal to

celebrate the food and the occasion of sharing. There may be anywhere between four to

fourteen items of food, including deserts. Not everyone can afford to cook as much, but

generally, the more you cook the better it is because you can feed a lot of people.

Similarly, the more items you have, the better it is because then you are entertaining

your guests properly with much variety, giving them a choice of what they want to eat.

The quantity and the number of items are also important in terms of family

honour, as one does not want to shame the family name by serving the guests poorly or

29

with too little food for a big event like Eid. Not to serve enough or not to have a variety

of items (main course and desert) implies that you do not wish to share the bounty of

this event with your guests, which puts you in an unfavourable light in the community.

Of course, there are exceptions. If you are living in poverty or quite poor, it is

considered a “sunnah” or an extra blessing if you attempt to share what meagre foods

you have with your neighbours and relatives. You are commended and thought of as

being of good character.

In the three households observed, usually the children were served first and the

adults later. The meals were taken together (with both men and women) and at around

the same time, and since there were a lot of guests, they ended up forming groups

together of men and women or sitting together (both genders) for the meal.

Now, we will move on to Durga Puja and Diwali which are festivals of Hinduism.

How is this related to food? A significant aspect of this ceremony is the offering

of prepared food to the goddess Durga and to the followers who are observing her

worship. There are sets of rules and regulations for those who are following the Puja,

including the type of food that they can consume. For the six days when celebrations are

held, there are specific items to be consumed each day for breakfast, lunch and dinner –

aside from the special offerings that must also be made for the goddess. Not all Hindus

are vegetarians – it is restricted to Brahmans and people who may wish to follow stricter

rules. Some Hindus, not all of them Brahmans, are vegetarians, and some high caste

Brahmins are vegans rather than vegetarians, observing stricter dietary rules. Among the

women interviewed, two of them identified as Brahmans. While the others did not state

30

their caste, they informed me that they come from vegetarian families. So, there are

added food proscriptions in addition to the usual food practices during the ceremony. To

provide an example, the first day of the durga puja, for breakfast foods that can be

consumed are Luchi, Aloo Dum ( a dish made with potatoes), Rossogolla (spongy

sweets made from milk curds), whereas on the second day, the breakfast to be

consumed includes Koraishutir Kochuri, Cholar Daal and Malpoa. Each day, the menus

for breakfast, lunch and dinner are different than the day before, and effort is made to

not repeat foods twice within that 6 day period. As my informants were vegetarian, all

the food mentioned in the menu is vegetarian. Since only two claimed to be Brahmins, I

can only speculate that others either adopted Brahmin customs, or changed to a different

lifestyle post-migration, assuming that they were not vegetarian before. Some may have

adopted a vegan, as opposed to a vegetarian diet, in response to Canadian ideas of

vegetarianism. Meals can be vegetarian or strictly vegan depending on the household

and taboos for food are observed very carefully. So, in vegan households, sweets and

other foods that contain milk products will not be served. Instead, a substitute sweet or

food product that does not contain any dairy will be used in its place. However, if the

household contains a combination of vegetarian and vegan family members, then both

vegan and vegetarian foods will be made. In order to follow taboos, the foods will be

prepared separately so that the vegan foods do not come into contact with the vegetarian

food products.

Purity and pollution are important matters. As I mentioned above, the vegetarian

and vegan food cannot touch, just the same as the vegetarian food cannot touch non-

vegetarian products. Precautions are taken in the preparation process so that the food

31

does not possess any impurities. During participant observation, I learned that women

who were preparing the foods for the Puja could not enter the kitchen until they had

showered at a specific time in the morning. This allowed them to rid themselves of

impurities before they touched the food meant for the occasion. A woman who is having

her period, is considered impure in very traditional Hindu families and one out of the

two households that were observed did not allow the menstruating woman out of her

room so that she could not taint the preparations for the Puja. Menstruating women sit

apart from non-menstruating women, once again due to the fear of contamination or

pollution because she is bleeding. Bodily fluids are considered impure, and since

women experience menstrual cycles and bleed once a month, they are considered much

more impure in comparison to men. So it is only when the preparations were done and

the foods were taken to the temple or put in the little shrine at home that is devoted to

the goddess, then the menstruating woman was allowed out of her room with caution. In

terms of eating arrangements, the women ate separately from the men whether or not

they were menstruating. It is an unwritten house rule that is followed.

When addressing purity laws, it is impossible to not mention the caste system,

since purity and gender are both connected to caste. Among those outside of the caste

system, the Harijans, also referred to as 'the untouchables' are considered to be defiled

and polluted, once again bringing in the notion of purity. Purity laws extend not just to

food, but to sexuality and lifestyle choices as the ideal woman is also a pure woman

(Liddle & Joshi, 57). In this caste system of purity and pollution, the Brahmins as the

highest caste are considered to be the most pure in the scale of purity and pollution. This

32

also means that in terms of following taboos, they have the strictest level of rules and

regulations to follow.

The men were served first during meal times (usually as soon as they came back

from the temples) and meals were served hot to them. After the men finished eating and

went back to the temple, the women could eat their food together. That is how the

tradition is observed. Women participated in Puja related events more so in the late

afternoon and at night, once they had finished the cooking. Both households that were

observed for participant observations had nuclear family units, with grandparents that

had travelled to be with the family just for the Puja. In these households, the

grandmother and the mother taught the younger women how to prepare the foods for the

goddess so that they could carry out these tasks when they married. In terms of

teaching, the grandmother is usually the more prominent figure who has the time to

explain how each food is prepared and why it is important to the goddess, rather than

the mother who is busy with getting the preparations done.

Guests are welcome in the evenings after the evening temple service is done, and

dinner can be a late event depending on when the ceremonies are finished. The house is

also decorated with special flowers for the occasion and the women adorn themselves in

gold and wear new saris for the events. One of the households observed was more

affluent in comparison to the other, and the women of the household had a new sari

every day for the celebrations. In the other less affluent household, new saris were not

worn every day, but only on the first day of the event and the sixth or the last day. In

between, they wore other good saris. The adornments and the new clothing are markers

33

of prosperity as well as class and caste, and hosts must be dressed well for receiving

guests.

Diwali or the Festival of Lights is an equally important festival. Women dress

well for Diwali, adorning themselves in attractive ornaments and saris in hopes that

suitors will take notice. It is also celebrated with sharing of sweets. Sweets and

traditionally rich foods ( or shahi foods) are cooked to mark this event as a special

occasion. It is a vibrant and glamorous festival where the house is decorated, cleaned

and re-decorated. This is done because Diwali is believed to bring a new beginning

every year to Hindu Bengalis. Mango leaves and marigolds are used as decorations.

They represent the vibrancy of this festival and are considered items that are lucky.

They bless the host with good luck if they are present in the household. Fireworks and

lamps are also part of the celebrations. According to the Hindu calendar this day is

considered a day of new beginnings because the day after is the first day of the New

Year. So, buying new items of clothing and even kitchen items like cutlery or new

dishes is considered to be auspicious for this event and thought to bring good luck to all

those living in that household.

Diwali feasts are large and preparations are started days in advance so that they

can be ready by the time of the celebrations. As new kitchenware is considered

auspicious, if money can be spared, new pots and pans are bought. The women do most

of the purchasing for this event (e.g., purchasing new clothing and ornaments). Lots of

mithai or sweets are made, which can be made with daals, carrots, flour, milk (for non-

vegans), coconuts, nuts and raisins. Sweet and savoury snacks are made. The first day of

34

Diwali, sheera, which is a fudge like sweet is made and eaten alongside curries and

bread. The second day, special porridge with clarified butter or ghee is consumed by

those who are not vegans. Some avid Brahmins and very religious Hindus fast all day

and break the fast in the evening with those foods. The third day, kheer is made with

rice and milk (for non-vegans) and is consumed with different spicy fritters. The actual

day of the Diwali and New Years, many other types of vegetarian and vegan items are

served to guests to celebrate the beginning of the New Year.

Hindu or Muslim, all four events that have been touched on are centred around

food preparation (which takes up to several days leading to the event), the cooking

process (which also takes a few days) and then the consumption of the food by hosts‟

families and guests, which takes significantly less time than its preparation. There is

specific etiquette for eating during the festivals, much of it gendered, very much like the

gendered tasks and gendered food preparation habits that are also present in these

events. The kitchen is considered to be a woman's domain, with some help on certain

tasks from the men in the household. Therefore, a lot of the events are punctuated by

gendered performances of identity. In all cases, it is the epitome of failure to be unable

to provide the proper foods for the events to the guests and it is considered shameful or

cheap if preparations are not up to par. So people strive to make better food in quantity

and quality to impress their guests, and retain family honour and good name so that they

do not have to be ashamed of what they are serving.

35

Food and Dissonance

Data from the interviews is much more complex, as the person to person

interaction revealed a lot of problems and issues that first, second and third generation

Bangladeshi-Canadian women currently face. My informants tell me that the most

common assumption that the general population has about many ethnic communities is

a picture of this unchanging population, with little diversity where almost everyone is

the same. When asked, many Bengali-Canadian women themselves have an image of

the ideal virtues they believe everyone else has, but which eludes them.

Within the Bengali-Canadian population, there is certainly a notion of 'how

things should be' and what is the 'proper way to be' when it comes to behaviour and

attitudes relating to identity performance and food consumption. Women who were

interviewed stated this belief, and even said that there were people who upheld those

treasured values and beliefs, as well as those who performed them. However, the

differences that they portrayed (which did not fit cultural ideals) were not looked upon

in a favourable light. When talking about previous generations or ways of living 'back

home' the general consensus was that things were better there, and that it is the fault of

the peoples and individuals in the immigrant country for they are not living up to the

'good' standards set by previous generations.

As I mentioned in the literature review, David Sutton‟s (2007) work on taste and

memory is important to this research. Along with Sutton, who had worked on

understanding adaptation and acculturation after migration, there is Michael Herzfeld

(1990), another author has worked on 'cultural intimacy.' In this article, Herzfeld

36

mentions the phenomenon of .bending the rules of the present with the excuse that times

in the past were better because people obeyed the rules. It shows nostalgia and

admiration of a golden past when everything was better, and provides an excuse to relax

the norms in the present when things are not so good. Sutton mentions that part of

adapting to a new environment means that not all rules, rituals and taboos will be

carried out. One way of making people less accountable for their actions is by

explaining violation in moral terms. Herzfeld calls this notion 'structural nostalgia' in

Pride and Perjury: Time and the Oath in the Mountain Villages of Crete (1990).

Herzfeld's article focuses on the issue of animal thieving and honour, which are

different matters than food and identity. However, the justification for the non-

permissible actions is structural nostalgia in both cases. In the mythical past, life was

better because people had better morals and behaviours and they followed all the

necessary rules. I say 'mythical' because it is a coloured lens through which people view

the past, and it is not necessarily the truth. This shows that there is diversity, and that

there is change- it is not a static, unchanging society where all women wear saris and eat

the ethnic food, living a simple life. The focus on a traditional way of life or what is

believed to be the proper way of living, leaves people who are not living up to

expectations and are transgressing from the 'ideal norms' as they adapt and acculturate

to Canada.

Similarly, when asked what they considered their nationality to be, there was a

range of answers from “I am Bangladeshi” to “I am Bangladeshi-Canadian” to “I am

Canadian.” Clearly, this shows that not everyone from a given ethnic background clings

to the one and only proper way of performing identity, which is, you are Bangladeshi or

37

Bengali and that is what you are even if you do not live in Bangladesh anymore. It is

proof that people change with their circumstances and their environment. Yet, at the

same time, many .who stated that they were Bangladeshi Canadian were perturbed by

guilt that they felt for not feeling 'wholly' Bangladeshi. Such guilt is transferred from the

parents to the children for experiencing the change that causes these differences to crop

up. Also, not all the 'I am only Canadian' responses came with a clear cut answer.

The research flyers and the advertisements for volunteers specifically stated that

I was looking for Bengali women, who identified as Bengali and were of Bengali origin.

What then would have prompted someone volunteering for the study if the participant

considered .herself to be “Canadian?” This was one of the questions I wanted to ask.

Did it imply that she did not want to acknowledge her Bengali origin with a hyphenated

identity or to acknowledge it at all? However, the answers were not so simple and

usually not very clear cut. In one scenario, a participant stated that she did not always

acknowledge her ethnic identity as she considered herself Canadian. Therefore when

people asked her that question, she answered Canadian, and if further questions were

asked she was usually offended. But for the purpose of this study, I tried to understand

why it was offensive to her if someone wanted to know where she was from. That is an

answer that has yet to be found. Every participant had a different response, and for

some, they simply did not think that people had the right to know their entire ancestry

without first knowing who they really are as persons and individuals.

The fear of being judged is a sentiment that participants mentioned, especially

since some suffered guilt for not feeling 'wholly' Bangladeshi. This fear of being judged

38

extended mostly to family members and community members who would assume that

the Bengali heritage was being denied. However, participants did not mention whether

they were afraid of being judged by a 'Canadian' community. The fear of being judged

by community members also implied that these women wanted to please the Bengali

community and have their family and community members be proud of them.

Food as usual plays a crucial part in all of this. Food and identity construction

are linked as food conveys social values and ideologies that are transmitted from

women to women, impacting how women shape their identity and to what extent the

social beliefs and norms affect them. Many participants stated that generally Canadians

thought Bangladeshi people were no different from Indian people, and they (the generic

South Asian peoples) only eat spicy and smelly foods. Most of the women who

volunteered in the study also said that they always take precautions so that they don't

'smell.' In other words, they take precautions so that they don't emit the smell of the

food that they cook if they are eating traditional meals, because it smells 'funny.'

Whether this involves using sprays and deodorants, or airing out the house with

Febreeze and other branded products to freshen up the atmosphere, they are aware of

the sensory perceptions of mainstream Canadians. Sensory perceptions play a role in

how we perceive/ judge/ stereotype/ visualize/think of and treat individuals. By trying to

'blend in' in terms of smelling nice to others and blocking strong or spicy odours, these

women are trying to avoid being judged or misjudged as assumptions about odours are

often related to cultural stereotyping about hygiene practices. In this context,

appearance takes a dominant .role when interacting with the world outside of the home

but it is not restricted to the realms of smell.

39

Physical appearance is also important. Whenever food is the topic, dieting is

never far behind. Body image and dieting often go hand in hand, and, as the data set

reveals in this case, disagreement about food and dieting can cause interpersonal

conflicts. It is clear that women receive confusing information when it comes to food

and dieting. On the one hand, young women want to look the best that they can so that

they have better prospects for marriage, a goal with which many parents agree, while on

the other hand, traditional food does not have the dieting components that Canadian

consumer foods have (though this too is a misperception). While the parents want their

daughters to look good, be healthy and also eat the traditional foods, many of the

daughters feel that eating the traditional diet will make them fat and unhealthy due to

the use of oils, whereas the convenient 'on the go' food often is a better choice if they

want to retain their figure, keep slim and be beautiful. Here, 'on the go' foods refer

mainly to cereal bars and granola bars, which women stated were better choices for

snacks and meals (especially for dieting purposes) than traditional foods. It is important

to keep in mind that many foods labelled diet are not all that low calorie if eaten in

sufficient quantities not to be hungry. There is a real possibility that the women are

simply restricting their total food intake regardless of the type of food they are eating.

The journey to the perfect figure and keeping the ideal body shape comes with a

cost. Not only does it involve rigorous exercise and adapting to a different type of food

habit, but it also means the abandonment of a traditional custom where women cook.

This is a primary cause of dissonance between mothers and daughters, as the mothers

want the daughters to retain their traditional way of cooking (after all generations of

women have eaten these foods and had no problems with body shape) but also meet the

40

physical standards of the ideal body. It is an attitude where everyone can have it all, and

one that everyone can accomplish if they just tried hard enough. In the case of the

women that participated in the study, many have tried to maintain the traditional diet

and keep the body that they want, and simply believe that the Bengali diet is harmful for

your body. It is okay once in a while to consume such foods for special occasions, but

not for the every day. This causes a wedge between the mothers and daughters or

daughters in law, as the older generation believes that they are not eating appropriately,

while the younger generation believes that their parents eat too much! This also

discourages the passing down of recipes, and from my data sampling, in cases of some

participants, a loss of women's knowledge, as the social values and practices

surrounding food end with the parents‟ generation. Now, this is not to say that this

situation will not rectify itself in some ways later on in life as the women in this

sampling are quite young, between 19 and 25. There is no quick solution to this

problem, as it is a situation which has resulted .from an enormous social pressure for

women to conform to the image and the widespread emphasis being placed on 'healthy

food habits' and life style choices. In fact, we should consider that women who ate the

traditional diet might have been cooking a traditional diet that is also healthy, having

more vegetables, lentils and fish. This would mean that other than special occasions,

what they ate was moderately healthy and helped them avoid weight problems.

There are recurring themes within the research despite the dissimilarities in the

participants. One way to organize the themes is by generations, and then cross-compare

them to see which ones come up the most often. Within the first generation, the most

common themes in relation to food are: identity-nationality, family dynamics, mother-

41

daughter and daughter-in-law relationships, career/education, gender dynamics,

cooking, diet, body image, aesthetics/beauty, dating/marriage, religious festivals,

religion and transgressions (transgressive behaviours – in relation to marriage, religious

conflicts, breaking taboos). In the first generation data set, the ratio for Muslim

participants to Hindu participants is 6: 3, counting the woman who identifies as

Hindu/Pagan. She referred to herself as 'Pagan' as she had adopted North American

Neo-Paganism as part of her belief system along with following aspects of Hinduism.

Interestingly enough, exactly the same things are prevalent in the second generation in

the data set with the exception of one more theme that starts to become more prominent:

language. Another theme that was present in the first generation in a minor scale, but

becomes fairly predominant in the second generation is 'tradition' vs. change and how

women negotiate their relationship within the boundaries. Here, I once again remind the

readers that 'tradition' as a term is not being used analytically; it simply reflects the

everyday language of my participants. All five second generation women who were

interviewed were of Muslim background, so the Hindu perspective is missing from this

equation. The third generation sampling also fits all the themes that have been

mentioned before, with gender as one strongly recurring theme. Gender issues evolve

from dealing with a gendered division of labour and gendered attitudes in the family and

marriage. Interviewees also mentioned pushing against the boundaries of gender,

introducing the notion of transgendered identity into the equation. Another interrelated

theme that develops is that between transgression and religion, as we encounter a

participant who has changed her religion from Islam to Hinduism.

42

In the third generation sampling, there were only three participants, two of them

Muslim and one Hindu. This is a comparison that I was able to make due to the use of

pile sorting and Grounded analysis to produce themes.

43

Recurring Themes in the Data

For the purpose of understanding how the aforementioned themes are connected and

why their unique ties to food and identity shape the lives of Bangladeshi-Canadian

women, I will take a detailed look at each of the themes and organise them by

generation.

Identity-Nationality:

Women choose to represent themselves by national identity. As touched upon

earlier, the women identify themselves Bangladeshi, Bangladeshi-Canadian or just

Canadian. Within the first generation, there are two major ways in which the women

deal with their national and regional identity. While some participants recall the move to

Canada, some of them have gone through a double migration, which means that they

lived as permanent citizens in another foreign country before Canada and they do not

recall this earlier migration. Responses are spread between participants who are strongly

connected to their roots through visits to their native land and know their cousins and

relatives to those who frequently or rarely go for visits and are not very connected to

their family. The women mainly identify as Bangladeshi with the exception of one

participant who does not want anything to do with her Bangladeshi heritage due to

discrimination faced by her parents for their interracial marriage.

Within the second generation, the responses are not as clear cut with respect to

national identity. Some second generation participants have never even visited

Bangladesh or known family members who lived there. Even among those who had

44

made one visit at a younger age, there was a disconnect. Though they have seen pictures

and heard stories, the opportunities for a return visit never emerged. These participants

identify themselves as Bangladeshi-Canadian or Canadian with the explanation that they

feel more Canadian because they prefer aspects of Canada that make them feel as

though they were only Canadian. Considering that they have not visited their country of

origin or have only been there once, it is a surprise to find that they feel this way. As

mentioned above, the admission for some women is not guilt free as they believe they

should relate more to their heritage and country of origin, but simply do not feel the

same connection as they do with Canada. I assumed that as the women progressed

through the generational gap, their connection to their land of origin would decrease

based on the fact that having most of their family members live in Canada and because

they had made so few visits back home.

However, in the third generation, there is reclamation of Bengali identity, even

among those who have not experienced the country of origin. Now, this is only true for

the sampling conducted for this research, and the data set for this generation was not as

large as the first and the second. Though there is not a large enough third generation

contingent to make a claim of identity reclamation, it is not entirely an unknown

phenomenon. Research has been conducted in regards to acculturation and reclamation

by Glazer and Moynihan (1963) who are well known for their theory of the 'melting

pot.' Glazer is known for looking at issues of ethnicity, migration, acculturation and

reclamation in the United States among various ethnic groups. In the book Beyond the

Melting Pot: The Negroes, Puerto-Ricans, Jews, Italians and the Irish of New York City,

he introduces the issue of identity, and how in third generation and only in the third

45

generation there is a revival of claiming the ethnic identity as way of achieving ethnic

consciousness.

The expected trend was that third generation women would identify as simply

Canadian. One participant noted that she was confused that her family considered her

more 'Canadian' than Bengali and that she was not looked upon favourably. One of the

women actively participated in keeping her Bengali identity through learning how to

cook traditional foods and identifying with the region. Another woman identified as

Bengali but did not participate in cultural events or go out of her way to learn how to do

something traditionally. Finally, a third participant stated that her family considered her

'Canadian,' almost as if they had chosen this identification for her by not considering her

'Bengali.'

Family Dynamics:

Due to taboos and proscriptions, family dynamics can be approached through the

lens of religion for the purpose of this study. Hindu participants in the first generation

stated that a large part of family expectations was learning how to do the traditional

ways of life through the puja, through cooking and through understanding the social

conventions that were in place. For this sampling, all three women were very family-

oriented and lived at home within the nuclear family. The bonds between the parents

and the participants were strong and the women talked about achieving the best result

they could in their careers and education so that they could help their parents

financially and look after them as the years progressed. There is an overt realization of

46

the sacrifices that the parents have made in order to provide a good life for their

children.

Among the first generation Muslim participants, the family units and the bonds

were not as strong as among the Hindu participants, and in some cases, there was

friction between the parental generation and that of the first generation. While some

have conformed to the ideals, values and beliefs set by their parents, out of want or

necessity, others have rebelled against the ideologies that govern how they should live

their lives. Not all families are harmonious, and in instances where there are extended

family members involved, like grandparents or aunts and cousins living as a part of the

family unit, women have reported a lot more tension, and friction between family

members and high expectations of conformity.

In most cases, the conflicts focused on the participant‟s perceived deficiencies,

whether it was her inability to learn the customs well, to prepare food, to fit a certain

body image or physical image, her eligibility for marriage, or her emphasis on education

and not enough on traditional ways for becoming a good wife – these are the

shortcomings spotted by parents and other family members which caused points of

tension.

In the sampling for the second generation, there is a move away from the

extended and towards a nuclear family unit. There is also the introduction of a divorce

in the family unit. One participant subsequently made the choice of living by herself

with occasional visits to her parents, or parent, in this case, as she allies herself with her

mother over her father. She describes the situation as being no different from the

47

average Canadian family. Two of the participants in this sampling were married, and

had families of their own, and although one of the women wished to move closer to her

family members, both maintained the need to live only within a nuclear family unit with

their husbands and children. By Second Generation, most people are not living with

their extended families, and desire to have smaller nuclear families of their own. The

women expressed the desire to have only one child or two rather than larger families. In

one instance, the grandparents‟ generation and the parents‟ generation entered into a

conflict, as the elder generation did not understand why the grandchild should be

sentenced to grow up without any playmates or companions.

The sampling for third generation becomes more complex as physically abusive

family units were evidenced. This is not to say that forms of abuse do not exist in first

generation or second generation families. Talking about abuse is discouraged as it is

seen as a dishonour to a family if negative things about the family are brought into the

open. Members of the family 'lose face' in the community, or suffer deep shame if

'family secrets' become a matter of public affairs and public knowledge. Generally, the.

In this dysfunctional setting, the family becomes harsh, calculative, abusive and

threatening when the participant does not conform to the beliefs, ideologies and

expectations set by family members. In this case, two of the third generation

participants broke the pattern and were brave enough to confront their families about

their ill-treatment. Two participants who were victimized by their family expressed

feelings of isolation, rejection and alienation. These women were made to believe that

they are not worthy of the love of the family and that they deserved the abuse they

experienced. Despite their guilt over being 'difficult' and not following customs, these

48

women have chosen to try to break away from their family units and to make a life on

their own. This includes making the private family affairs a public matter and reporting

the family to the authorities for their abusive behaviour. The other family unit in the

third generation sample is a nuclear family unit where conflicts exists because of the

daughter rejects of traditional foods in favour of what she considers to be healthier,

Canadian meals.

Two of the cases in this particular generation need to be explained in some

details. One case involves a family's inability to accept and understand their daughter as

a transgendered individual. The most horrific of all reactions is the physical and mental

punishment allotted to her for being a worthless, lowly hijra. An important distinction

needs to be made here. The term 'Hijra' as used by Serena Nanda describes a specific

gender category in India where men have gone through castration and become part of a

community of individuals who have a revered role, perform in marriage ceremonies and

bless the birth of children among other social roles. The term 'hijra' in Bangladesh on

the other hand is used to refer to any individuals who are engaging in a form of gender

bending. Therefore, gays, lesbians, bisexual, transgendered, transsexual etc. individuals

are simply labelled under the umbrella term of 'hijra' and it does not at all represent the

Hijra as defined by Serena Nanda and others. Here, the parents utilized locking her in a

room without food and severe beatings as punishments to 'make a man' out of her. The

intensity of their actions only increased as they believed she was faking this identity, as

no one born with the genitals of a man could ever be a woman, certainly not in a

Bengali family, calling it 'Un-Bengali' to be a person of fluid gender identity. Not only

was it 'Un-Bengali,' but it was also 'Un-Muslim' as the parents and family members told

49

her repeatedly as a way to justify their abuse. In Bangladeshi Muslim families‟

homophobia is deeply rooted: being homosexual or transgendered is considered to be

against the natural order. God or Allah created man and woman and the institution of

marriage for reproduction and social order. In such instances, being a Hijra is not seen

as a revered or tolerated role. An example of mistreatment at the hands of a family

comes through in the interview with another participant of this generation who after she

switched from Islam to Hinduism in her spirituality, encountered utter shock, disbelief,

forced conversion back to Islam, attendance at religious camp and other forms of

persuasion before she ran away from her family.

There is no clear cut graph that can predict family dynamics, as it varies from

family to family and does not follow any set pattern. The women in this study

experienced a range of familial settings ranging from loving to uncaring to abusive

families. To what extent is this situation culturally promoted or socially promoted? In

some cases, the pattern of abusive behaviour, physical or emotional, comes from an

extreme rigidity to maintain a certain way of life, being or ideology as for example,

when there is a transgendered family member or a religious convert in the household. It

is quite possible that there are many first and second generation women in Bengali

families who have not overcome the social conditioning of keeping family matters

private to reach out and ask for help as these two third generation participants have

done. In other instances, parents were critical of body image and created a social

pressure upon the women to conform to a particular standard of beauty. And then, there

are units where the parents and the daughter live in harmony without a lot of daily

discord. This varies. It cannot be said that parents in the first generation are more likely

50

to be loving and parents in the third generation are more likely to be abusive. Further

research needs to be conducted in a larger sampling to ascertain what is going on within

individual families. But what can be said is that there is evidence of stronger parent-

child bonds within the first generation than second and third based on the examples that

have been collected from this study. It is pertinent to keep in mind that all data were

collected within the span of a forty minute semi-structured interview and are solely

based on what the participants have volunteered within that time span.

Mother-Daughter-Daughter in law relationships:

Mother, Daughter and Daughter-in-law relationships form a triangle of hopes,

expectations and demanded values. The mother is the primary power-broker in these

relationships. She determines what gets taught and transmitted through the daughter.

The daughter is in the receiving end of all the expectations that are demanded by the

mother, so that she can carry on the teachings of the mother. Cooking is a main source

of tension as it is a symbolic substitute for all the values, beliefs, social norms, standards

of behaviour, etiquette, gendered ideologies, and marriage choices that are at play

between mother and daughter. Cooking provides an expression for all the issues and

gives voice to the frustrations experienced by both mother and daughter. The daughter-

in-law on the other hand is already expected to know the cultural values and ideals and

it is demanded that as a daughter-in-law she uphold the necessary traditions and keep

order in the household, and later on, pass on those teachings to the granddaughters so

that they may continue on through the generations. In Manisha Roy's Bengali Women,

Roy states that the mother of the daughter often feels that no matter what she or her

51

husband plan for the daughter, her ultimate destiny is to go to sasur-bari (the house of

the in-laws) and suffer the same plight that she did as a mother, daughter-in-law, sister-

in-law and wife (1972: 21). Often the grandmother discourages the girls' education, in

which the father takes an avid interest, for household chores and duties, as she is 'fated'

to become a wife. In this case, the grandmother might try to snatch the girl away or

insist she will be better off in a kitchen learning what is going on in the kitchen (1972:

21).

The source of conflict between mothers and daughters is expressed through the

preparation of traditional food, learning recipes and understanding the social rules that

govern food consumption. Why is this issue a source of problems? The reasoning is

simple. Women‟s frustrations are reflected in their attitudes toward homemaking and

food, whether they choose to display their frustration through refusing to do household

chores or focusing their attention on their education as a means of building their careers,

negating the need to know how to cook, or simply stating that they do not wish to learn

these recipes because they believe they are part of an unhealthy way of life.

The refusal to be the primary cook within the family unit, the refusal to settle

down and accept an arranged marriage instead of focusing solely on their education,

refusing to eat the traditional diet, even refusing to conform to their mothers‟ standards

of beauty are all ways of expressing a discontinuity with the trend of passing on certain

gendered ideologies. Dieting, exercise and cooking are used as forms of resistance

within the family to show that they do not have to follow all the rules or bend to the

expected cultural notions of 'how to be a proper woman.‟ This causes a major conflict,

52

because the mothers see this as an outward sign of disrespect towards not just the family

but the culture as a whole; these women represent a group that is turning their back to

their cultural heritage.

Among the first generation of women, there are examples of women that believe

that food keeps families connected and that knowing how to cook and prepare a person's

favourite food shows that you love them, you want to take care of them and that will not

forget what makes them happy from one day to the next. There are rules of etiquette that

are followed to show respect- such as waiting with your family rather than eating alone,

letting the person who is more hungry have additional portions, and so on. However,

there are also behaviours that demand one gives the largest portion to the men and the

smaller portions to the women, even if the girl is hungrier, bringing in gendered

ideologies into food serving. In retrospect, the smaller serving portions for women and

the preferential treatment of men might have also been accountable for the regulation of

women‟s body weight, though that might not have been the original intention. Most first

generation women genuinely enjoy the taste, texture and feel of the traditional foods and

diets, but balk at the chore of cooking it. One participant stated that once you learn to

cook, then you are expected to cook all the time. With other chore expectations already

in place, cooking is a task that women may wish to avoid. This is not to say that they do

not recognize the importance of food and the meanings behind it. Simply that they

would rather enjoy the freedom to choose: eating out, buying frozen dinners and other

easily consumable food items, and even limiting what is being eaten allows these

women to rebel against the norm. Being a woman does not guarantee that one is going

53

to be a great cook. There are women in the data set who feel they so severely lack

cooking skills that boiling water is the best that they can do!

Another point of friction begins with women living at home as they grow older

because then it is automatically assumed that the mother must prepare the daughter for

marriage, and this form of preparation comes from teaching the daughter to crochet,

knit, mend and repair clothes, household chores and of course, the most important of all,

knowing how to cook so that she does not shame herself or her mother in front of the in-

laws. As the mother's ideal is to teach the daughters how to be a proper wife by knowing

these tasks, the inability to perform these tasks reflects badly on the daughter‟s social

upbringing (Roy, 1972: 74). Therefore, finding ways around the cooking arena, like

eating out, is one solution that daughters have found to this problem. Whether the girl

goes to college or takes a job, she knows that she must be married sooner or later. Yet,

in the first generation where so much of the focus lies on the continuation of tradition

and passing on women‟s knowledge to the next generation, the mothers-in-law are

highly critical of daughters-in-law who are unable to perform household tasks. So, even

if the daughter has an inordinately high education, a good career and desirable beauty,

she may be the focus of her mother-in-law's complaints if she believes she has any

shortcomings. The mother-in-law keeps a shrewd eye on her new daughter-in-law,

especially if she is the wife of her favourite son as they are now both competing for his

attention. So, any shortcomings on the daughter-in-law‟s part are seen as a big

complication that the mother-in-law might complain to the son about (Roy, 1972: 93-

96).

54

The focus on dieting, considering traditional foods to be too high calorie and

high fat and thinking it is too unhealthy to consume is the other side of the problem that

causes mother-daughter tension. With the plastering of the 'ideal' Barbie body in the

media, women have become significantly more body conscious and health conscious.

The way of maintaining such health often comes at a high price: refusing what you like

to eat, constantly being on a diet, calorie counting and exercising. The obsession with

eating healthily, also brings with it issues mothers and daughters share or bicker about

in terms of body image, aesthetics and beauty, giving not one but many conflict-ridden

issues.

In the second generation, the participants do not focus as strongly on the mother-

daughter bond as the participants from the first generation do. They speak mostly of

unanimous parental expectations, such as marrying an educated, well established

Bengali man and getting a proper education so that they can set up a career and lead a

good life. However, though there is not a lot of focus on the mother-daughter bond in

most cases. For one participant, who grew up with both parents but whose parents are

now divorced, there are fond memories about her mother. Two participants of the

second generation are mothers themselves, and they speak of giving their children a

better life as stay at home mothers. One plans on continuing to be a stay at home mother

while the other wants to pursue a career once her child grows up. Yet, there is an

absence in their narrative as they do not talk about their own relationships to their

mother. One person mentions that she wants to move closer to her family, but family is

used as a collective noun and, once again, no details are shared about her own

relationship to her mother. Surprisingly enough, they also do not mention much about

55

the relationship to their mothers-in-law, which would have been beneficial to the study

in tying together the triad of mother, daughter and daughter-in-law relationship.

It is important to mention here that the data collected is limited by what was only

a 40-minute interview though these are the topics that these women chose to talk about

within that time frame. This finding is ambiguous because it might simply be what

people think is appropriate to talk about and admit during an interview as opposed to

how they really feel about the situation. Contemporary films such as The Namesake

(2006), Monica Ali's novel Brick Lane (2004), (which is now a Motion Picture) as well

as the older Motion Picture The Bengali Night (1988) are a few fictional examples

where mother-daughter, or daughter-in-law and mother-in-law conflicts or even parent-

child conflicts are prevalent. These movies feature the generational gap and the inability

of the parents and children to understand each other, following migration.

In the third generation narratives, there is the presence of mother-daughter

conflict about dieting and the abandonment of the traditional diet on the daughter's part.

One informant describes her mother's feelings as irrational, and says that she is unable

to accept that her daughter has a chosen a different way of life to avoid having to worry

about cholesterol levels and blood sugar levels, as her mother does. With the exception

of conflict over diet, once again parenting is used along with family in informants‟

narratives, rather than any specific focus on mother and daughter. Family is used as an

encompassing term for parents and siblings.

Mother, daughter and daughter-in-law relationships are arguably the most

important relationships in Bengali culture. Earlier I mentioned that food selection,

56

preparation and consumption is as much about relationships as it is about social issues

and conventions. It is the mother-daughter relationships that govern the practices

surrounding food and that give it meaning. Food is a metaphor around which deeper

issues within relationships may be expressed. This is an issue that Counihan (2008)

deals with. Food can be a source of conflict, as it is tied to power. This can be illustrated

with an example from Roy's text. Roy states in a situation where the mother-in-law

wants to retain control over the new daughter-in-law, she will ensure that the time spent

between her son and his new wife is limited by assigning chores around the house; this

includes serving her son's food personally, taking care of all of his household needs, and

keeping him occupied which leaves the daughter-in-law with very little time to spend

with her husband unless it is time to go to bed (1972: 96-100). Counihan and Van

Esterik (2008) argue that food is synonymous with gender and the female body; dieting,

reproduction, sexuality and gendered tasks are all expressions of women's ties to food

and culture. Inness (2001) and Leeds-Hurwitz (2006) speak of women as gatekeepers of

enforcing social customs and behaviour. Therefore, food and cooking serve as

metaphors for maintaining cultural identity and the socialization of daughters, who will

then pass on the traditions to future generations. Ray (2004) indicates that the

preparation and consumption of traditional foods among Bengali-Americans go beyond

simple actions of 'cooking' and 'eating.' It is a way of reproducing traditional social

customs, behaviours, etiquette and beliefs.

57

Career-Education:

Education and career are at the forefront of what is expected by most of the

informants‟ Bangladeshi parents so that the children can live comfortably and be

financially well off. As I mentioned before, a woman is not exempt from marrying

simply because she is financially stable; however, it is necessary for it allows her to

have her own assets within the marriage as well as have the ability to purchase things

she needs and desires. Many first generation parents migrated in search of a better life

and good education for their children and so that the family could prosper through the

next generation. However, it can still be a source of conflict when the woman aims

higher, is ambitious and is only focused on her education and vocation rather than on

having a family.

From the narratives provided, parents in the first generation want their daughters

to balance these issues. All of the women interviewed in the first generation are

university-educated, but they are still expected to carry on the necessary household

chores and activities, along with establishing a nice life through marriage. In close

family units, the daughters have expressed the desire to obtain a good education so that

they can take care of the parents financially, especially as they age. Education also

seems to be a qualification for success, especially for parents. Yet, there is also an

example of a severe mother-daughter conflict over education where the mother

desperately wants the daughter to learn some household tasks, to cook, and to get

married before she gets too old to find an eligible match. In one case, the daughter is a

medical student who wants to become a doctor and to follow in her father's footsteps

and to make him proud (the father is a paediatrician). Too much education, as another

58

participant's mother advised, is not a good thing, because no one wants the woman to be

more qualified and more learned than the man in the marriage. It makes for a rocky

marriage. This is the type of social ideology that the mothers are explicitly trying to pass

on to their daughters.

In the second generation, the importance of education remains just as prevalent

among the women. There is only one participant who did not attend University. She did

not believe she was University material and by then, she was already married. So, she

chose to be a stay at home mother instead of pursuing a career. She calls herself a

traditionalist who is happy to be a home maker. The only other example of a stay-at-

home mother from this data set is someone who has a part time job and plans to return

to her career after the children have grown up. From the descriptions provided of

parents by women of the second generation, it is apparent that the parental generation

includes career oriented individuals who are driven for success and have instilled the

same values regarding education and career in their offspring.

In the third generation, other topics overshadowed the discussion of education.

Also, the sampling was extremely small which does not allow for any conclusions to be

drawn. One participant for sure has not continued to post-secondary education due to

extenuating circumstances, but nothing substantially is known about the other two

participants other than the fact that they are not attending university at the time of the

interview.

The level of education achieved and career choice depends entirely on how

important the family considers it to be. The reason for desiring higher education is

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usually tied to having a greater financial stability as well as being a 'learned' individual.

Though many parents initially migrated to Canada seeking education and have

succeeded in sending their children to university, the desire for education has also

interfered with the desire to encourage marriage.

Gender Dynamics:

Gender dynamics can be used to describe the division of labour in the household

as well as gendered customs when it comes to eating, etiquette and social behaviour.

Social customs that operate on gendered behaviours and attitudes are exactly what many

first generation women are rebelling against. It is not that they wish to abandon their

cultural roots and heritage, they simply do not wish to be treated unjustly in comparison

to their male counterparts-siblings, cousins and other family members. First generation

Bengali women in the sample have remarked that male family members like siblings

and cousins are often excused from chores for educational reasons while the female

members of the family continue to do the chores along with meeting their educational

requirements. Within the household, there is a gendered division of tasks (as evidenced

by the statements made by the majority of first generation women) with women doing

specifically 'feminine' tasks that the men did not want to participate in. In other

households, there is evidence of men helping out in the kitchen or sharing some

household duties like cleaning, dusting or polishing, but chores that were considered

overtly feminine such as cleaning toilets, doing laundry and the majority of the cooking

were delegated to female family members. In the absence of a daughter aiding with the

cooking, the chore usually falls on the mother or grandmother of the household. One

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participant said that she had no issues with doing dishes or drying them and even

helping keep things clean around the house, but she did not want to be relegated to

cooking because that would require taking an equal share to her mother in the cooking

duties if not more responsibilities, as she is much younger.

What causes this unequal gender dynamic in the household? There are certain

traditional customs when it comes to men and women that are still upheld in some

households. In the grandparents‟ generation for example, the man of the house and the

sons were usually served food as a first priority, getting their pick of the best available

meats and other dishes. Though the literature review discussed gendered division of

labour as well as the maintenance of social and gendered structures by women, they

were not specifically speaking about South Asian families. The only author to touch

upon 'cooking' and social etiquette was Ray, who did studies among Bengali Americans

in United States. However, he did not really explain the division of labour within the

household. Instead, he focused on the reproduction of social and cultural customs that

women were participating in by maintaining traditional food patterns. This points out

the gaps that exist within the literature, as there is a lack of details about the Bengali

household, its dynamics and its division of labour. The serving was done by the women

(usually the wife or the mother if she lived with the couple), and it was not until the men

had finished eating that the women sat together to eat their meals (usually in the

kitchen). This is an example that was provided by a participant who was describing how

she had heard her grandmother and many of her grandmother's generation talk about

how gendered dynamics have changed between husbands and wives.

It is clear that noticeable changes are happening in social customs from one

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generation to the next. However not all the changes are happening as fast as first

generation women -- who feel as though they are treated unfairly in comparison to their

male siblings -- would like them to As one of them stated, her bhaia (brother) was

praised high and low for managing to cook an egg and it was greatly appreciated that he

made eggs for the family. It was an example of an outstanding son. Yet, the same did

not apply for the daughter. If the daughter cooked a meal and it was not to taste, it was

criticized for not being good enough and her lack of cooking skills was commented on,

rousing a sense of shame in her for not knowing. There are some very clear disparities

that exist in the way gendered behaviour is maintained and sustained within these

families.

This is not to say that all first generation women rebel against this gender

hierarchy. In fact, there are examples in the data set that indicate that some women are

very happy with the setting of the family, fulfil the expected gendered expectations and

like doing things in the 'traditional' way. According to my research, this is a trend that is

noticeable in nuclear, family oriented units. In some cases the woman is the only child

and in other cases she has siblings, but she is not unhappy with the division of tasks,

because as the eldest she thinks it is appropriate to take on more responsibility and to

look after her younger siblings.

In the second generation samplings, there is a range of gendered behaviour. In

one scenario, the gendered behaviour is not expected (such as being a traditional stay at

home mother and not pursuing a career) but the participant feels the need to do it as that

is her ambition. There are overturnings of the gendered kitchen hierarchy with a

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husband being a primary cook in the kitchen and other examples where husbands and

wives share household tasks equally. The performance of chores varies a lot more than

it did among parents and grandparents in the first generation. When talking about food

performance, serving sizes, who gets served first, there was not a lot mentioned by the

participants from this sampling.

In the third generation, gendered behaviour takes a completely different turn as

the focus moves away from a gendered division of labour and treatment to gender

identity. In one case, a participant struggles with her transgendered identity. This is the

only case within the third generation sample, so there is no way to compare this

individual to other transgendered or homosexual women in this community. With

explicit definitions of male and female, specific attitudes surrounding expected

behaviours from males and females, as well as the notions of a gendered division of

labour, it is easy to understand why this would be a recipe for a disaster. The

participant's only crime was that she did not fit into the gender binary that was set for

her by her relatives. She defied gender norms, though not intentionally. If anything, she

tried really hard to fit into the standards set by her family. However, she simply did not

fit in. Born with male genitalia, she was expected to act, talk, behave and perform all the

stereotypical actions of a man. When she failed again and again, she was punished for

her transgressions for not trying hard enough. From forced visits to the doctor, to

introducing more testosterone into her bloodstream in order to make her more

masculine, to setting rigid standards of behaviour and physical beatings to cure her of

her 'madness' – the family tried to eradicate this unusual and abnormal gender identity.

Eventually, her only choice was to escape.

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Looking at the various examples of gender dynamics from first generation to

third generation, one thing is glaringly obvious. The performance of specific gendered

identity is crucial to maintaining the standards set by the family. Some of the biggest

arguments against transgendered and fluid gendered identity are that it is against

culture, against the norm, against god and religion. In every way one chooses to look at

it, there are arguments about why it is so wrong. Simply put, it threatens previous

structures -whether they are religious or ideological- that are already in place, creating a

maelstrom of conflict.

Cooking:

Cooking as a subject is very much related to topics that have been discussed in

conjunction with mother-daughter relationships. Cooking is a gendered performance in

most first generation households with women at the helm as primary cooks.

Transmission of social attitudes, food performance and identity are interconnected with

the art of cooking. Since this has been explained in detail already, more elaboration is

not needed about first generation attitudes to cooking, only a reminder that the failure to

transmit the cultural values and heritage of Bengali cooking from mother to daughter is

occurring due to the fact that some women do not want the primary responsibility of

cooking added to their responsibilities.

So, from the data about the first generation, I was surprised to learn that most of

the women do not know how to cook traditional food items nor are they trying to master

the art of cooking as 'good Bengali women' are expected to. When this project was

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originally conceived, one of the assumptions that I had made was that women of the

first generation would know how cook traditional foods and participate in the

transmission of values, whereas the women in the second and third generations would

retain less and less of the traditional culinary arts and would be more inclined to buy

'Canadian' foods.

In the second generation, prevailing attitudes about food preparation, food habits

and consumption still exist. Examples range from families who have adopted a more

convenient style of eating, such as modifying traditional diet for the convenience of

cereals, sandwiches and prepared products to those who try other types of recipe rather

than just cooking Bengali cuisine. There is also more co-dependence in performing

household and kitchen chores, as well as examples of husbands taking on cooking

responsibilities. So, the processes of household task sharing that might have started out

in the first generation, gets implemented in a more gender neutral level (at least in some

cases) in certain second generation families.

Though many families may adopt more easy-to-prepare products on weekdays,

they do enjoy ethnic cuisine on the weekends and for special occasions. For instance, a

wedding feast or an engagement feast, as one participant explained, is crucial for a

women' family. It must be prepared to perfection by a good chef, and the dishes served

must be traditional. Failure to provide those foods reflects badly on the girl's parents

from the in-laws' perspective and they may decide to not marry their son into a family

where they were not welcomed with the traditional engagement and wedding food

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arrangements. This was the explanation that the participant provided as to why the feast

must be irreproachable.

Clearly, not all families will place similar values on the occasion or perform the

food rituals the same way, but the attention to details concerning the wedding feast

within this family shows that not all traditions disappear as the Bengali-Canadians adapt

to the Canadian community. However, I want to remind the reader that this was the only

participant who talked about her engagement dinner in detail, and the only one in the

second generation to talk at all about her wedding celebrations. There is no other

individual involved in the study to compare her to.

All third generation women interviewed stated that they cooked their own food,

though the sample is too small to draw any general conclusions from this fact. In fact,

two out of the three participants relish cooking traditional foods. They are not dependent

on the family for meals, so that, it is a matter of making their own meals or getting

something from a store. In this situation, they chose to learn how to cook so that they

could provide for themselves. As one participant states, she can either cook her own

food or spend a fortune for a well balanced meal in restaurants. It is simply cheaper to

cook your own meals, especially when living alone.

What this particular study reveals is that some third generation women are more

interested in cooking traditional foods than the second generation women in this data

set. However, since the third generation sampling is very small, the results are not

conclusive. Also, women who participated in the study identified themselves as Bengali

in some way, and this is especially true for the third generation women. It is entirely

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possible that the data does represent third generation women – for example, those who

do not like cooking traditional foods. Furthermore, women of the third generation who

have abandoned these traditions might not have been interested in the study in the first

place. But these are simply speculations and interpretations based on limited data.

Since all three of the third generation of women had conflicts with their

immediate family members (especially the two participants who abandoned their family

due to abuse), there is no data that deals with generational change in the mother‟s

attitudes surrounding traditional foods. One participant mentioned her mother in passing

when she described her parent's displeasure with her lack of interest in eating traditional

foods. This can only indicate that traditional foods are still eaten by the family. Outside

of that, it is hard to come to any other conclusions.

Diet:

A healthy diet and dieting are concerns that women from all three generations

expressed. Some were more health conscious than others, to the point that they rejected

traditional foods because they considered them to be unhealthy. But, dieting is

important to most women. The topics of dieting and avoiding traditional diet are linked

also with the notion of body image and beauty and what is considered beautiful. Many

of the young women who participated in the research were anxious to look their best for

their boyfriends or for prospective grooms. They did not want to be rejected based on

their physical appearance. This is a source of stress that most young women in the study

shared, as they were worried about their eligibility in marriage (despite having a good

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education and the possibility of a good career). In Gimlin's Body Work: Beauty and self

image in American Culture, she states that most contemporary women trace their self

through their body, and that they engage in reconstructing their body through dieting as

well as other means (cosmetics, surgery etc) in order to achieve the level of physical

attractiveness that they crave. The downside to that it that is rare that they reach their

goals, since the goals are not always realistic (2002: 4).

The majority of the women interviewed were involved in one form of dieting or

another, believing that it would be the only thing that would make them look good.

More than one participant said that when she eats a traditional diet, she can 'feel' herself

getting fat, also indicating the level of obsession attached to an 'ideal' image. One

participant described dieting as a form of empowerment as it allowed women to feel

beautiful and good about their bodies. But considering the rigorous regime that most of

these women maintain over their eating habits, it seems more controlling than

empowering.

Body Image:

Connected to dieting is the issue of body image. The women from the first to the

third generation who were dieting or concerned with food habits because they wanted to

fit an 'ideal' body image ranged in sizes between double zero to one. Yet, they were the

most conscious about maintaining their body as they believed it to be linked to beauty.

Today's fashion industries and reality television shows represent the skinny body as a

marker of beauty and the rounded body as grotesque or ugly. The women interviewed

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stated the following television shows as among their favourites: America's Next Top

Model, Project Catwalk, The Bachelor, Gossip Women, So You Think You Can Dance,

excluding Hollywood and Bollywood favourites. These shows foster the need to strive

to be a particular size, more specifically, the size that you see projected on television

and movies. Reality television shows such as the Project Catwalk and America's Next

Top Model feature women of angular beauty who fit into size double zero and triple

zero clothing in a world where 120 pounds on a 5 feet 6 inches model is considered to

be on the 'fat' side. In Body Image: Understanding Body Dissatisfaction in Men, Women

and Children, Sarah Grogan (2008) states that there has been a significant increase in

research when it comes to body image. Research shows that body modification practices

such as cosmetic surgery, piercing, tattooing, body building etc are increasing just as

much as dieting. However, she notes that many people are using the guise of 'health' to

engage in health damaging practices and that positive body imaging needs to be done

(2008: 12-17).

Aesthetics-Beauty:

The age old phrase of beauty being in the eye of the beholder is being supported

as women from the study report shame for being 'fat' or 'ugly' because they are not

demonstrating the expected type of beauty. This is tied to comments made by family

members who conceive of beauty as decreed by the media. Women in the study have

identified features that are beautiful, such as long luxurious black hair, or unique

coloured eyes, a sharp nose, long eyelashes, 'not beady eyes,' as a participant added,

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along with many other features. Yet, women of all three generations report that those

are the standards of beauty that are important and women who possess features such as

beady eyes or a flat nose or long 'monkey' shaped ears are not attractive. They are

especially not attractive in a marriage mart where the family arranges marriages. More

than one participant despaired that she would not get married because she did not think

anyone would find her beautiful. Another participant stated that if your father has

money, it matters not whether or not you are a true beauty because all the gifts that the

in-laws receive will make up for your shortcomings.

Notions of beauty inform our body image as well as our self image and having a

very specific 'ideal' of beauty, for body type and for behaviour (as can be derived from

the data) is driving these women into making dietary choices that they believe will

allow them to be as aesthetically pleasing. Features cannot be changed, but other modes

of presenting beauty can be, such as body shape and size. A second generation

informant in the study had taken a step further when it came to beauty. She never leaves

her apartment without her false eyelashes as growing up she had always been made to

feel inadequate for having 'beady eyes and no lashes at all'. She further insisted that

painting her nails in different colours drew attention away from the fact that she is

darker skinned. The ideal skin tone is white, and therefore, the paler the skin tone, the

more beautiful the person. A dark body is seen as unattractive, physically displeasing

and is also stereotyped as the 'heavier' body.

Beauty is a social construction. Parents, siblings and others inform us about what

they believe is truly beautiful and what is not. As this study considers food and identity

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as primary factors, stumbling into a dialogue about beauty and aesthetics came as a

surprise. However, as the research progressed, it seemed that a discussion about eating,

which had ties to the original research question developed into discussions about body

image, and from there it was not that much of a leap to reach a discussion about

aesthetics and beauty. This is not a well explored part of the data, but an interesting

section that has much to contribute to the overall discussion and presents the data in a

new light.

Dating-Marriage:

The women who participated in this research shared with me the ideal Bengali

marriage: an arranged marriage where the parents of the bride and groom (usually

through the help of a match-maker) find the appropriate match. Marriage is a social

process, and so the connection is established between families rather than just between

individuals. Based on my research, love marriages, where the man and the woman

choose their own partners ate slowly rising in popularity, but the majority of marriages

that occur in the community are still arranged. The data emerging from the semi-

structured interviews does not contradict evidence gathered from participant

observations. If the reader recalls, earlier in the descriptions of Puja and Eid, I

mentioned that women were dressed particularly well for special occasions, wearing

attractive clothing and jewellery to catch the eye of a suitor. Ideally, it is so that the

parents can display their daughter's beauty and charm, and in order to draw offers of

marriage. On the other hand, these visits might also give daughters the opportunities to

meet eligible men in passing and perhaps strike up a friendship. The rationale is that the

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parents can choose the ideal candidate for their child, so as to ensure the success of the

marriage, and therefore a happy life. Of course there is no guarantee that the marriage

will succeed, but matching couples using their bio-data (which is similar to their

resume) helps the parents to find the most compatible match. In this regard, the parents

act like a dating agency, except that dating is side-stepped for an actual commitment.

In order to arrange a marriage, the following must be considered (as advised by

the women in the study): educational background, class of the family, in Bengali Hindu

marriages- the caste of the family, social standing, financial affluence or stability,

previous history of the man or woman (here detailed research is done to check if they

have good characters), guardians are needed to act as references and finally, though not

always, the process of gift exchange or joituk depending on what the family agrees to.

In Liddle and Joshi's Daughters of Independence: Gender, Caste and Class in India, the

authors describe that generally marrying out of sub-caste or caste is not permissible.

However, there have been instances when women have married 'up' to men of a higher

caste. Arranged marriages are the norm, and it is usually between people of the same

caste to ensure the purity of the bloodline (1986: 58-59). When it comes to education,

class, caste, social standing and finances, parents and guardians look for an equal or

higher match. In arranged marriages (since they are not marrying out of love), they must

be at least equally matched. The woman and the man should both be equal, and if

parents are seeking a husband for their daughter, they usually want to find a husband

who is of equal status (financially, educational attainment) or better. Though it is not

uncommon for the man's parents to find a woman of high status, it is not customary

within arranged marriages. That is a discrepancy that might happen during a love

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marriage. The only ways in which parents or guardians will settle for a lower match

(that is, where education and/or finances are not equal) is if, for example, the woman is

too old or considered an old maid; or if there was a transgression in the past that is

unforgivable or hard to explain. However, as one participant suggested, if the woman is

beautiful, she does not have to be educated and she can still marry a handsome man

from a rich family. Or, in some cases, if she does not mind that he is a little ugly, she

can get a really rich husband.

Another instance of settling for a lower match would happen if the women'

family cannot afford joituk. Joituk is the Bengali word for dowry. Joituk is a practice

that is not always observed in all classes equally. Joituk is the practice of the girl's

family giving large, often elaborate gifts to the son-in-law for marrying their daughter.

These gifts can be anything ranging from a solid gold watch to a certain brand named

car or house furniture and appliances to name a few items. Sometimes it can even be

combinations of the aforementioned items. This is why parents from non-affluent

families often save for years in order to at least try and afford a good marriage for their

daughters. The process of joituk is also a reason why men are preferred over women.

While men bring in the joituk, women cost joituk to their parents. While upper class

parents might exchange through gift giving, and exchange is made by both sides, in

other instances it might not work out the same way. There is one Arabic tradition that

some upper classes follow known as the 'Mahar' where the man (or his family) must set

aside a certain (agreed upon by both sides) large portion of money for settlement in case

the marriage does not work out. That money is not tied to alimony, but is a separate

asset for the girl and any children that she might have with him. This is not a commonly

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practised tradition in all classes. This is mentioned in Liddle and Joshi's text as a form

of empowerment since the woman's financial needs are anticipated, securing her future

(1986: 64).

Among the women interviewed, there was a range of emotions surrounding

marriage. While some wished to have their parents match them with an ideal candidate,

others hoped to find love with an 'appropriate' man. By appropriate what is meant is that

the man must be from a good family, with a good education, but most of all Bengali and

of the same religion so that the marriage can be accepted by the community and the

culture. In the first generation sampling, there was a participant who was of mixed

ancestry from Bangladesh with a Bengali Hindu father and a Garo mother. Garo is a

native tribe in the Northern Hilly areas of Bangladesh, and they practice forms of

animism. As a result of discrimination and threats from both side of her family, the

parents were forced to escape the country. Luckily they could do so before any tragedy

befell them. The informant was raised here in Canada, and is not accepted into the

community due to her mixed heritage. She views it as a form of racial discrimination,

but most of all, religious discrimination, as she was not raised within a particular

religion. Therefore, when interacting with Bengali friends, she does not tell them that

she identifies with Hinduism and Neo-Paganism but, if asked, that she is Hindu.

In most Bengali Muslim and Hindu families, women are expected to be modest,

demure and be virgins in their marriage beds. The process of dating is highly

discouraged, and women who are caught having liaisons or a paramour are severely

punished so that they do not repeat that behaviour. Of course, despite strict upbringings

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or rigid structures, this varies from family to family and person to person. While some

people are more likely to follow these rules, others are more likely to break them. So,

within the sampling it was not surprising to find women who have dated in the past or

are dating currently. One participant acknowledged being in an interracial relationship,

but stated immediately that it was a passing phase and that she would not consider him

as a candidate for marriage. Another participant admitted that she speed dates, loves to

go clubbing where she 'hooks up' with men and likes the physical aspect of getting to

know someone as long as it is consensual. Others have said that their marriage was not

arranged, but that they liked someone and were comfortable enough to tell their parents

when the time came for marriage that they had found someone. As one participant

reported, since he was not inappropriate and was of good standing (background, finance

wise) the parents approved of her decision and supported her choice. Two out of the six

married informants had married for love rather than settling for an arranged marriage.

The literature review did not produce a large literature or even a moderate

literature on Bengali social customs. I did not find anything to support my findings.

Most of the literature that was available addressed issues of Bengali diets, ratios and

proportions rather than social customs and behaviours.

Dating and marriage are controversial topics. The female informant who had

faced much discrimination for her transgendered identity did not think that she would

ever find love, let alone a man who would cherish her for who she is. She genuinely

believed that there was something wrong with her due to the reactions she experienced

from her family. Another informant who had changed religions said that she was very

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confused in terms of dating and marriage relationships. She is not very eligible (in her

opinion) to Bengali men in general. Any Muslim man was out of the question, for he

would find out that she had converted and denounce her on the spot. As for Hindu men,

she had not been Hindu long enough to build up a parentage worth consideration. In

addition, she does not know what her caste is which would be a big hindrance in match

making. She is currently involved in an affair with a married man; she did not believe

she would find a suitable marriage candidate from another religion, as she is strong in

her faith. Having an affair is transgressive behaviour on her part as Hinduism believes

in the woman's purity, especially virginal purity. Affairs are not permissible. That being

said, a man is freer to have affairs than a woman because of her coveted status – as

daughter, sister and mother -- and the expectations placed on her modesty. Similar

standards of modesty are not required of men.

Something that all of the women have experienced from the first to the third

generation is dating or marriage. There is no single statement that can be made about the

dating and marriage process other than that some women conform to the traditional way

of finding a mate, while others want to explore themselves to find out what is right for

them, sometimes facing disasters along the way. Nothing in the study indicates that first

generation women are more likely to partake in arranged marriages than others, since

there are examples from second generation women who have also gone through

arranged marriages. Since the third generation sampling is small, no immediate

conclusions can be made from that either. When it comes to dating experiences, all three

generations of women have experimented with them. In the end, it is personal choice

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rather than generation that informs what route each woman takes, at least within my

sample.

Dating and marriage patterns often show the breaking down of food

proscriptions, boundaries or taboos. Analysis of dating behaviour also showed the

breaking of taboos such as consumption of alcohol, which is a banned practice among

Muslims. Also, marriage patterns tie in with social expectations of women as daughters-

in- law, as primary cooks and the female who passes down gendered knowledge and

behaviour surrounding food. Though the connections are not overt, the themes relate to

one another.

Religious Festivals:

The topic of religious festivals has been explored in detail in the food and social

solidarity section through the notes from participant observation section. However,

interview candidates (Hindu and Muslim) talked about their personal experiences with

Eid and Pujas. All candidates who touched upon religious festivals agreed that they

provide an occasion for women to dress up and adorn themselves in fancy garments. In

the case of younger unmarried women, it is an auspicious occasion because it shows her

off to prospective families that may be interested in marriages. So, when visits are made

to the Mandeer or the Puja Mandap for prayers (Hindu) or to the mosques during Eid

(Islam), unattached and unmarried women are encouraged to wear their best clothing

and ornaments to show off their beauty and eligibility for the occasion. This is not a

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hard feat to accomplish, especially since these events are also marked with gifts of new

clothing and new jewellery.

Only the first generation women talked about religious festivals and services.

They agreed that when a religious occasion occurred, the preparations started days in

advance and due to the large number dishes that needed to be cooked, they could not

avoid helping out in the kitchen. The one or two times a year when no amount of

excuses worked on their mother was during the time of these festivals when everything

needed cleaning top to bottom and many dishes needed to be served to the guests. So,

concession had to be made for religious festivals as they were different from the

cooking on ordinary days. Also, the provision of food is part of the attempt to make a

good impression on prospective in-laws who might take an interest in the daughter.

Religion:

So, in order to reflect the Bangladeshi reality of two dominant religions, effort

was made to include both Islam and Hinduism even they were not equally represented.

There are religious food proscriptions in both religions. For followers of Islam, pork,

alcohol and drugs are absolutely forbidden. Drugs are included (thought they are not

food) as they are a commodity that can be consumed much like alcohol. For followers

of Hinduism, a vegetarian or a vegan lifestyle (for the very religious) is maintained by

my participants, with total abstinence from meat. All Hindus are not vegetarian. Very

devout Hindu families also do not drink alcohol. Within the sample, no Hindus

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mentioned consuming meat products, especially beef. They all stated that they were

vegetarians and that they did not see the consumption of meat in a good light. This does

not mean that Hindus do not break taboos or do not eat meat, simply that there were

none in my sample who admitted it even if they did.

The research shows that there exists a wide array of religious devotedness on the

part of the participants. Among the first generation, there were examples of Muslim

women who were strong in faith that participated in veiling, considering it to be proper,

modest and the mark of a good woman as well as examples of Muslim women who

drank alcohol and ate pork. Similarly, there were also examples of Hindu women who

were very strong in their faith and observed Puja's and learned Sanskrit to better

perform religious passages while there were also women who did not particularly

identify strongly as Hindu.

The women interviewed in the second generation were all Muslim, and though

„traditionality‟ was discussed, none of the women spoke about their ties to their religion.

Third generation sampling showed evidence of strong faith. The transgendered Muslim

woman who was told that Allah punishes the wicked like her and that she could not be a

Muslim if she was transgendered, still maintains her faith, does her prayers and

observes Eid. The participant who converted to Hinduism and does not have a caste is

also very strong in her faith, observes Pujas, learned how to cook vegetarian dishes, and

ran away from her family so that she could practice her religion.

When it comes to religion, there is a wide range of examples, going from really

religious to somewhat religious to not religious at all. While the women in the second

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generation did not talk about religion, from the narratives of the first and third

generation women, it can be surmised that it is of importance and that it does affect their

lived experiences. Religion was a source of conflict when women felt forced to conform

to rigid standards of behaviour.

Transgressions (transgressive behaviour in relation to religious conflicts, cultural,

marriage, breaking taboos):

It is fairly clear from the narratives collected that the women engaged in some

transgressive behaviour, whether it was for the sake of curiosity, or experimentation.

Some transgressions were more dangerous with serious and violent outcomes. The

transgressions observed during the research process are mainly religious and cultural,

and many involve food and other substances consumed by the body. Violations

included: drinking alcohol, using drugs, eating pork, converting to a different religion,

not fitting gender norms, breaking dating rules, engaging in an interracial marriage and

having a dual religion. These lists of transgressions, some more severe than others, have

had different outcomes and are offensive to those setting the social standards and rules

because they break essential taboos. In case of drinking alcohol and using drugs, it

breaks the social taboo of intoxication that is considered to be highly dishonourable.

Alcohol also falls under religious proscription as does eating pork. Converting is

unthinkable, as has been explained before. Not fitting gender norms is considered to be

against society, culture and religion. Breaking dating rules violates a social and cultural

convention. Having an interracial marriage is considered wrong under any

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circumstances: social, cultural, societal and religious. Finally, having a dual religion is

considered to be unlawful, as it does not clearly define who you are.

The breaking of food proscriptions and taboos show that not all rituals

surrounding food are being kept by women of Bengali-Canadian ancestry. Whether this

is partly due to adaptation or acculturation, the breaking down of food taboos which are

not just part of religious but of social and cultural practices as well show that not all

traditions concerning food are deemed relevant by the younger generation.

Language:

One's national language is shared and passed on through the generations.

Language is a major part of retaining cultural heritage but it is especially important in

this case because the freedom to speak Bengali led to the Independence war, which cost

millions of lives. Bangladesh, formerly referred to as East Pakistan, broke away from

West Pakistan or today‟s Pakistan to establish themselves as a separate nation called

Bangladesh (Brown, 2006: 1-3). The cause of the initial revolt was the recognition of

Bengali as the official language of East Pakistan rather than Urdu in the Bengali

speaking area of East Bengal a.k.a. East Pakistan. The establishment of 21st February as

the International Mother Language Day was undertaken by UNESCO in memory of the

1952 killings that occurred in 21st February 1952 (Rahman, 1997).

In Bangladesh, 21st February is an important national holiday, observed as the

Language Movement Day. Celebrated on that day are historically critically events and

the pride that Bangladesh achieved with its independence as well as the right to speak

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the national language of the region. Therefore, immigrant parents wish to keep their

language and to teach the importance of keeping the traditional language even though

instruction is given solely in English in the schooling system. Precautions are taken to

send children to Bengali schools on the weekends so that they may retain their heritage.

In the study conducted, all first generation women knew how to speak their

native language, even the ones who migrated at a very young age, since the parents

speak Bengali at home. However, not all of them know how to read and write it fluently

as well, though a majority of them do. Surprisingly enough, they did not speak a word

of it during research and some of the participants admitted that they feel better speaking

English and prefer to speak in English rather than Bengali.

By the second generation, there was a distinct pride among those participants

who retained their language. Two of the participants insisted on conducting their

interviews in Bengali to show that they have retained their mastery over the language.

One of them had taken extended lessons to learn advanced Bangla in writing and

reading so that she could teach it to her son. The other second generation participants

could speak conversational Bangla but not everyone was very fluent. The range of

fluency varied between individuals. Regardless, those that spoke the language were

proud of their ability to have kept it and wanted to pass it on (if they could) to their

children.

Out of the third generation participants, one of the participants could barely

speak any Bangla while the other two informants could engage in intermediate

conversations in Bengali. The issue of language retention was not at the forefront. One

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of the participants expressed the desire to re-learn more vocabulary and brush up on

everyday practical speech while the other two were comfortable at the level of speech

that they were at. In the third generation, there was a blending between Bengali and

English households. Most speech was conducted in combination, with English being

used more heavily than Bangla in the experience of two out of the three participants. I

do not have any data which indicates whether or not the third generation attended the

Saturday language schools.

“Tradition” vs. Cultural Change:

Cultural change is a theme that has come up with generational divides and inter-

generational conflict between grandparents, parents and children. Whether the issue was

food, identity, gender, religion or aesthetics, there was a tension between the older

generation and the younger generation. These changes have affected how food as well

as gender, identity, marriage and religion -- to name a few areas -- are performed. While

some participants chose to conform to what they perceived to be the “traditional” way

of life, embracing the differences and the shortcomings that it posed, others rebelled

against a structure that was rigid, full of rules and regulations, wanting to establish their

own life away from it. All of the women in the study have tried to negotiate their

national, gendered, cultural and self identity through the process of accepting or

rejecting traditional values and norms.

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Conclusion

The question “where do you come from?” is frequently answered by many

newly immigrated women as Vijay Agnew shares from her own migratory experience to

Canada in the book Where I Come From (2003). But when this very question is asked of

a first generation immigrant after years of residing in Canada, or to second or third

generation Canadians, as some of the women in this study reported, the effects are quite

different. For someone who has already embraced Canada as a home if not a second

home and has chosen to live their life here, it is a question that raises awareness of their

difference. Since such a question is usually asked due to the skin colour, it can be

isolating and alienating as it implies a status of non-belonging to the mainstream

Canadian society or Canada as a whole.

Agnew's memoir addresses the issues of immigrating to Canada from India and

establishing herself as a resident, a mother and a professor in an environment where

labels are applied to categorize people (2003: 4). By virtue of exploring her ambiguity

as an insider/ outsider in not just in the Canadian community, but the larger Indian

community, she illustrates the ways in which identity is socially constructed through the

relationships, labels and categories that define gender, class and racial attitudes. When

Agnew encounters situations where she feels alienated from other Indians during her

visits to India, one of the few things that allows her to feel connected and truly believe

her status an 'insider' is the ethnic food which evokes memories of her childhood. One

such instance lies in her discomfort during a visit soon after her marriage where she

noticed the class and caste privilege that allowed her the luxuries of household help like

cooks, cleaners, servants and other people to do the work around the house. Though she

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felt uncomfortable with the 'status' and privileges afforded by her social position, she

entertained the idea of having a servant in America when her cook offered to come back

with her and cook for her personally (2003: 144-145). Though Agnew did not want the

financial and legal obligation of dealing with such a hassle and firmly resisted the

opportunity, she fondly recalls the visit where all the meals were cooked to her

preference and she delighted in the taste of 'home.'

Bhat and Sahoo (2003), researchers who conducted studies on Indian Canadians,

stated that communities come together in order to maintain cultural identity and

promote common interest as a way of coping in a 'foreign' environment. This is

achieved by maintaining cultural symbols such as food, language, religious beliefs,

dress and art forms, which are all indicators of identity (2003: 142).

Though the population studied for this research is the Bengali-Canadian women

from Bangladesh, similarities can be observed in narratives tying themes of identity,

food, language and religion. Dhruvarajan (2003) who conducted research on the

patterns of adaptations amongst second generation Indo-Canadians identified inter-

generational conflict: when parents demand educational achievement while also

insisting that their children uphold cultural values. This causes tension as the desire to

see children succeed is spurred by the need to improve economic status (from one

generation to next) at the same time that cultural values are considered superior to the

dominant North American culture (2003: 169).

In exploring marriage, it was found that there is a strong tendency to favour

arranged marriages with 'parents knowing best' when it came to mate selection as it is

85

the preferable tradition (Dhruvarajan 2003: 175). Sources of conflict between parents

and their children are due to the sexual double standard with sons getting preferential

treatment and the presence of gendered division of labour (2003: 181). Fear of losing

their cultural heritage, the values and beliefs that make it 'unique,' makes the parents

want to control the behaviour of the children, set harsher standards and impose stricter

rules, according to one of the participants in that research (2003: 182).

This study shows the commonalities of gender and marriage patterns between

the two research projects conducted in Canada. Dhruvarajan conducted his research

among second generation Indian-Canadians which included informants from Gujrati,

Rajasthani, Punjabi background while the research conducted for this thesis was solely

focused around Bangladeshi women. Yet, underlying commonalities cannot be ignored.

Are the similarities a result of the geographical region of origin? All of the informants

are from the larger Southern Asia area and share similarities in cultural values and

traditions though there are differences in language, customs and social settings. It is

possible that the migration to Canada brings out the same issues of concern due to the

shared cultural values that are widespread Southern Asia, but they are not realized as

shared regional attributes until after their migration occurs.

A topic that is closely tied to identity formation is race and its implications for

Canadian youth of South Asian descent. Recent work by Sundar (2006) explores the

notion of 'race' in identity development as she studies South Asian-Canadian men and

women of second generation who are trying to establish their identity in “To "brown it

up" or "bring down the brown" : identity and strategy in second-generation, South

86

Asian-Canadian youth.” Race as an influence on identity making is a subject matter that

has also been present in the works of Agnew and Dhruvarajan as well, though it was not

a theme of discussion in my research. Sundar's study reveals that second generation

participants who were between the ages of 18 and 25, consider their identity to be fluid

and multidimensional, as defined by the interactions to those around them. They choose

between 'doing the South Asian' and 'doing the Canadian' thing in their regular

interactions, showing the calculated choices they make about performing their identity

based on environmental factors (2006). These youth use identity performance and

negotiation as a way of understanding their self, their cultural heritage, choosing how to

represent themselves in a wider Canadian society.

Looking at the previous works in this section, I think that the connections

between race, identity formation and food structures is a topic that should be explored

from the perspective of South-Asian Canadian women. The structure of the project, its

focus, and the conversation with the participants did not deal with what the women

thought about 'race.' Since the interactions were limited to forty minute interview

sessions, race as an issue of discussion did not enter the conversations; it was largely

focused on food structures and identity making. Since race is repeatedly noted in the

literature as a factor that determines how second generation Canadians define their

identity, it is a worthwhile matter to explore.

There are many other areas that have not been as well developed in this research

due in part to time constraints. For example, first generation women talk about the

importance of mother-daughter, and mother-daughter-daughter-in-law interactions and

87

relationships and the tensions that lie within it; yet, second and third generation women

do not talk about these relationships at all. The cause for this silence could not be

explored further due to the time limitations in the interview process and the lack of data

concerning the subject.

Another issue that could not be explored further is the ties of language and the

differences between first, second and third generation women. Not all participants and

certainly not all generations talked about language retention, attending Saturday

language schools, and their roles in maintaining cultural ties.

The inability to study all the themes that emerge from this research reinforces

the need for further exploration in and research about the South Asian Bengali-Canadian

context. There is a glaring lack of scholarly resources concerning social life, patterns of

marriage, food rituals, and gendered divisions of labour, to name just a few areas, My

final comment, then, is that more research about the Bengali community in Canada and

the United States whether it be about communities from Bangladesh or West Bengal is

needed. Canada's multicultural policy has allowed many immigrants to call Canada their

homeland and so research surrounding food and identity is very relevant in this

community. Issues of identity and identity construction are pertinent for understanding a

trans-national Canada, where different groups of ethnic majorities and minorities

comprise the population. Acculturation, adaptation to mainstream Canada and patterns

of internal/external changes within the community are not limited to food habits and

change in traditional food structures. Other areas that need further attention include

interracial marriages and interreligious marriages which are all part of living in a

88

multicultural and globalized economic world. Similarly, parenting, gender roles and

marriage also undergo subversive change and fluctuation in societies that are in-flux and

transition.

89

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