CONTENTS

CoverAbouttheBookAbouttheAuthorTitlePageEpigraph

TheRadicalPowerofEmpathy

Habit1:SwitchonyourEmpathicBrain

Habit2:MaketheImaginativeLeap

Habit3:SeekExperientialAdventures

Habit4:PractisetheCraftofConversation

Habit5:TravelinyourArmchair

Habit6:InspireaRevolution

TheFutureofEmpathy

NotesBibliographyIndexAcknowledgementsCopyright

ABOUTTHEBOOK

InfluentialpopularphilosopherRomanKrznaricarguesourbrainsarewiredforsocialconnection:empathyisattheheartofwhoweare.It’sanessential,transformingqualitywemustdevelopforthe21stCentury.

Throughencounterswithactors,activists,groundbreakingdesigners,undercoverjournalists,nurses,bankersandneuroscientists,Krznaricdefinesanewbreedofadventurer.Hesetsoutthesixlife-enhancinghabitsofhighlyempathicpeople,whoseskillsenablethemtoconnectwithothersinextraordinaryways.

Empathyhasthepowertotransformrelationships,fromthepersonaltothepolitical.Inthiswayitwillbekeytofundamentalsocialchange–makingthisbookamanifestoforrevolution.

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

RomanKrznaricisaculturalthinkerandwriterontheartofliving.HeisafoundingfacultymemberofTheSchoolofLifeinLondon,andhasbeennamedbyTheObserverasoneofBritain’sleadingpopularphilosophers.Heisaninternationallyrecognisedexpertonempathy,andadvisesorganisationsincludingOxfamandtheUnitedNationsonusingempathyandconversationtocreatesocialchange.HisRSAAnimatevideoonempathy,ThePowerofOutrospection,hasbeenwatchedbyoverhalfamillionpeople.

AftergrowingupinSydneyandHongKong,hestudiedattheuniversitiesofOxford,LondonandEssex,wherehegainedhisPhD.HehastaughtsociologyandpoliticsatCambridgeUniversity,EssexUniversity,andCityUniversity,London,andhasdonehumanrightsworkinCentralAmericawithrefugeesandindigenouspeople.ForseveralyearshewasProjectDirectoratTheOxfordMuse,theavant-gardefoundationtostimulatecourageandinventioninpersonal,professionalandculturallife.

Romanisafanaticalrealtennisplayer,hasworkedasagardener,andhasapassionforfurnituremaking.Heisnowworkingonhisambitiontofoundtheworld’sfirstempathymuseum.

Couldagreatermiracletakeplacethanforustolookthrougheachother’seyesforaninstant?HenryDavidThoreau

THERADICALPOWEROFEMPATHY

Therevolutionofhumanrelationships

Empathyhasareputationasafuzzy,feel-goodemotion.Manypeopleequateitwitheverydaykindnessandemotionalsensitivity,andbeingtenderandcaringtowardsothers.Thisbookoffersaverydifferentview.Empathyis,infact,anidealthathasthepowerbothtotransformourownlivesandtobringaboutfundamentalsocialchange.Empathycancreatearevolution.Notoneofthoseold-fashionedrevolutionsbasedonnewlaws,institutionsorgovernments,butsomethingmuchmoreradical:arevolutionofhumanrelationships.Overthepastdecadetherehasbeenasurgeofempathicthinkingandaction

aroundtheglobedrivenbypoliticalactivistsandagonyaunts,businessgurusandreligiousleaders.ProtestersintheOccupyMovementinBritainandtheUnitedStateserected‘EmpathyTents’andranworkshopson‘EmpathicActivism’.AradiosoapoperainRwanda,listenedtoby90percentofthepopulationeveryweek,insertsempathicmessagingintoitsstorylineaboutHutusandTutsislivinginneighbouringvillages,inanefforttopreventarevivalofethnicviolence.HundredsofthousandsofschoolchildrenhavebeentaughtempathyskillsthroughRootsofEmpathy,aCanadianeducationprogrammethathasspreadtoBritain,NewZealandandothercountries,whichbringsbabiesintotheclassroomandturnsthemintoteachers.AGermansocialentrepreneurhasestablishedaworldwidenetworkofmuseumswhereblindguideshavetakenmorethansevenmillionvisitorsaroundexhibitsthatareintotaldarkness,togivethemtheexperienceofbeingvisuallyimpaired.Alltheseinitiativesarepartofanhistoricwaveofempathythatischallengingourhighlyindividualistic,self-obsessedcultures,inwhichmostofushavebecomefartooabsorbedinourownlivestogivemuchthoughttoanyoneelse.Butwhatexactlyisempathy?Andwhatdoesitlooklikeinpractice?First,let’sgetthemeaningclear:empathyistheartofsteppingimaginativelyinto

theshoesofanotherperson,understandingtheirfeelingsandperspectives,andusingthatunderstandingtoguideyouractions.1Soempathyisdistinctfromexpressionsofsympathy–suchaspityorfeelingsorryforsomebody–asthesedonotinvolvetryingtounderstandtheotherperson’semotionsorpointofview.NorisempathythesameastheGoldenRule,‘Dountoothersasyouwouldhavethemdo

untoyou,’sincethisassumesyourowninterestscoincidewiththeirs.GeorgeBernardShawremarkedonthisincharacteristicstylewhenhequipped,‘Donotdountoothersasyouwouldhavethemdountoyou–theymighthavedifferenttastes.’Empathyisaboutdiscoveringthosedifferenttastes.Ifyouwanttograspjustwhatitmeanstomaketheimaginativeleapofempathy,

thenletmeintroduceyoutoPatriciaMoore,apioneeringfigurefortoday’sempathicactivists.In1979,MoorewasworkingasaproductdesigneratthetopNewYorkfirmRaymondLoewy,whowereresponsibleforcreatingthecurvyCoca-ColabottleandtheiconicShelllogo.Agedtwenty-sixandfreshoutofcollege,shewastheonlywomandesigneramongstthreehundredandfiftymenattheirMidtownManhattanoffice.Duringaplanningmeetingtobrainstormanewrefrigeratormodel,sheaskedasimplequestion:‘Couldn’twedesignthedoorsothatsomeonewitharthritiswouldfinditeasytoopen?’Oneofherseniorcolleaguesturnedtoherandrepliedwithdisdain,‘Pattie,wedon’tdesignforthosepeople.’Shewasincensed.Whatdidhemean,‘thosepeople’?Riledbyhisresponse,shedecidedtoconductwhatturnedouttobeoneofthemostradicalempathyexperimentsofthetwentiethcentury.Shewoulddiscoverwhatitwasliketobeaneighty-five-year-oldwoman.‘Ididn’tjustwanttobeanactresspretendingtobeanelderlyperson,’shetold

me,‘Iwantedatrueimmersioncharacter,anempathiccharacter,whereIcouldreallywalkinsomeoneelse’sshoes.’Sowiththehelpofaprofessionalmake-upartist,shetransformedherself.Sheputlayersoflatexonherfacesoshelookedoldandwrinkly,worecloudedglassesthatblurredhervision,pluggedherearssoshecouldn’thearwell,clippedonabraceandwrappedbandagesaroundhertorsososhewashunchedover,tapedsplintstoherarmsandlegssoshewasunabletobendherlimbs,andfinishedoffherdisguisewithunevenshoessoshewasforcedtohobblewithastick.Nowshewasready.

PatriciaMoore,ayoungdesignerinhertwenties,transformedherselfintoaneighty-five-year-old(seebelow).

Between1979and1982MoorevisitedoverahundredNorthAmericancitiesinherpersona,attemptingtonegotiatetheworldaroundherandfindouttheeverydayobstaclesthatelderlypeoplefacedandhowtheyweretreated.Shetriedgoingupanddownsteepsubwaystairs,ridingoncrowdedbuses,pushingthroughheavydepartmentstoredoors,crossingbusystreetsbeforethelightschanged,usingcanopenersand,ofcourse,openingrefrigerators.Theresultofherimmersion?Mooretookinternationalproductdesignina

completelynewdirection.Basedonherexperiencesandinsights,shewasabletodesignaseriesofinnovativeproductsthatweresuitableforusebyelderlypeople,includingthosewitharthritichands.Amongstherinventionswasalineofpotatopeelersandotherkitchenutensilswiththickrubberhandles,whichcannowbefoundinalmosteveryhome.Sheiscreditedasthecreatorof‘inclusive’or‘universal’design,whereproductsaredesignedforpeopleofallabilities,whetheragedfiveoreighty-five.Moorewentontobecomeanexpertinthefieldofgerontologyandaninfluentialcampaignerfortherightsofseniorcitizens:shewasinstrumentalingettingtheAmericansWithDisabilitiesActontothestatutebooks.Throughouthercareer,shehasbeendrivenmorebythedesiretoimprovepeople’slivesthanbytheluresoffinancialsuccess.Nowinhersixties,herlatestprojectisdesigningrehabilitationcentreswhereUSsoldierswhohavereturnedfromAfghanistanandIraqwithmissinglimbsorbraininjuriescangotorelearnhowtoliveindependently,practisingeverythingfrombuyinggroceriestousingacashmachine.Moorehasbecomefamousforher‘empathicmodel’,whichhasenlighteneda

wholegenerationofdesignerswhonowrecognisetheimportanceoflookingthroughtheeyesofthepeoplewhowillusetheproductstheycreate.‘Universal

designisdrivenbyempathy,’sheexplains,‘anunderstandingthatonesizedoesn’tfitall–andthat’swhatmywholecareerhasbeenabout.’2Herexperimentintimetravelacrossthegenerationsisatouchstoneforthe

empathistsofthefuture.Makingtheefforttolookthroughotherpeople’seyescanbepersonallychallenging–andsometimesdeeplyexhilarating–butitalsohasextraordinarypotentialasaforceforsocialchange.

TheSixHabitsofHighlyEmpathicPeople

PatriciaMoorediscoveredthepowerofempathyinthe1970s.Thenwhyaresomanypeoplesuddenlytalkingaboutitnow?Theideaofempathyisnotnew.Itfirstrosetoprominenceintheeighteenthcentury,whentheScottishphilosopherandeconomistAdamSmithwrotethatourmoralsensitivityderivesfromourmentalcapacityfor‘changingplacesinfancywiththesufferer ’.Buttherecentexplosionofinterestislargelyduetoground-breakingscientificdiscoveriesabouthumannature.Forthepastthreehundredyears,influentialthinkersfromThomasHobbesto

SigmundFreudhavebeentellingusthatweareessentiallyself-interested,self-preservingcreatureswhopursueourownindividualisticends.Overtime,thisdarkdepictionofhumanbeingshasbecometheprevailingviewinWesternculture.Inthelastdecade,however,ithasbeennudgedfirmlytoonesidebyevidencethatwearealsohomoempathicus–wiredforempathy.3Therecentdiscoveryofourempathicselvesisoneofthemostremarkablestoriesofmodernscience.Iwillbetellingthisstoryinthenextchapter,butinshort,therehavebeenpath-breakingadvancesonthreefronts.Neuroscientistshaveidentifiedaten-section‘empathycircuit’inourbrainswhich,ifdamaged,cancurtailourabilitytounderstandwhatotherpeoplearefeeling.Evolutionarybiologistshaveshownthatwearesocialanimalswhohavenaturallyevolvedtobeempathicandcooperative,justlikeourprimatecousins.Andchildpsychologistshaverevealedthateventhree-year-oldsareabletostepoutsidethemselvesandseeotherpeople’sperspectives.Itisnowevidentthatwehaveanempathicsidetoournaturesthatisjustasstrongasourselfishinnerdrives.Thisradicalshiftinourconceptionofwhoandwhatwearehasstartedtofilter

intopubliclife,promptingawaveoffreshthinkingabouthowtoeducateourchildren,howtoorganiseourinstitutions,andwhatwereallyneedforpersonalwellbeing.‘Lookingafternumberone’isbecominganoutdatedaspirationaswebegintorealisethatempathyisatthecoreofbeinghuman.WeareinthemidstofagreattransitionfromtheCartesianageof‘Ithink,thereforeIam’,toanempathiceraof‘Youare,thereforeIam’.4Yetforalltheunprecedentedmediacoverageandpublicdiscussionofempathy,

thereremainsavitalquestionthatfewpeoplearetalkingabout–anditistheoneat

thecentreofthisbook:Howcanweexpandourempathicpotential?Wemaywellbewiredforempathy,butwestillneedtothinkabouthowwearegoingtobringourcircuitstolife.Ihavespentthelastdozenyearssearchingforananswertothisquestion,

exploringtheresearchonempathyinfieldsfromexperimentalpsychologytosocialhistory,fromanthropologytoliterarystudies,frompoliticstobrainscience.AlongthewayIhavedelvedintothelivesofpioneeringempathists,manyofwhomyouwillmeetinthesepages,includinganArgentinianrevolutionary,abest-sellingAmericannovelist,andEurope’smostfamousundercoverjournalist.Ihavealsodonefieldwork,speakingtopeoplefromeverywalkoflifeabouttheirexperiencesofempathy,oritsabsence.Whetherthey’vebeentraumanursesorinvestmentbankers,policeofficersorprofessionalworkingmothers,peoplelivingonthestreetsofinner-cityLondonorwealthyGuatemalanplantationowners,almosteveryonehasastorytotellaboutsteppingintotheshoesofothers.WhatIhavediscoveredisthathighlyempathicpeoplehavesomethingin

common.Theymakeanefforttocultivatesixhabits–asetofattitudesanddailypracticesthatsparktheempathiccircuitryintheirbrains,enablingthemtounderstandhowotherpeopleseetheworld.Thechallengeweface,ifwehopetofullyrealisethehomoempathicusthatlieswithineachofus,istodevelopthesesixhabitsinourselvesasbestwecan.

THESIXHABITSOFHIGHLYEMPATHICPEOPLE

Habit1:SwitchonyourempathicbrainShiftingourmentalframeworkstorecognisethatempathyisatthecoreofhumannature,andthatitcanbeexpandedthroughoutourlives.

Habit2:MaketheimaginativeleapMakingaconsciousefforttostepintootherpeople’sshoes–includingour‘enemies’–toacknowledgetheirhumanity,individualityandperspectives.Habit3:SeekexperientialadventuresExploringlivesandculturesthatcontrastwithourownthroughdirectimmersion,empathicjourneying,andsocialcooperation.

Habit4:PractisethecraftofconversationFosteringcuriosityaboutstrangersandradicallistening,andtakingoffouremotionalmasks.Habit5:TravelinyourarmchairTransportingourselvesintootherpeople’smindswiththehelpofart,literature,filmandonlinesocialnetworks.

Habit6:InspirearevolutionGeneratingempathyonamassscaletocreatesocialchange,andextendingourempathyskillstoembracethenaturalworld.

Therearehabitstosuiteverytemperamentandpersonality,whetheryouareanextrovertoranintrovert,arisk-takingadventureroraconnoisseurofintimacyandsubtleemotions.Makingthempartofyoureverydaylifewillchangehowyouthink,howyoufeel,andwhatyoudo.You’llstarttobefascinatedbyenteringpeople’smindsetsandtryingtosee‘wheretheyarecomingfrom’–theirunderlyingmotives,aspirationsandbeliefs.Yourunderstandingofwhatmakespeopletickwillexpandbeyondmeasureand,likemanyhighlyempathicpeople,youmaybegintofindothersmoreinterestingthanyourself.Thereisnothingutopianaboutlivingbythesesixhabits:thecapacityto

empathiseisoneofthegreathiddentalentspossessedbyalmosteveryhumanbeing.Nearlyallofushaveit–evenifwedon’talwaysputittouse.OnlyatinyproportionofpeopledisplaywhatthepsychologistSimonBaron-Cohencalls‘zerodegreesofempathy’.Amongstthemarepsychopaths,whohaveacognitiveabilitytoenteryourmindbutmakenoemotionalbondwithyou(thinkHannibalLecter),andpeoplewithautismspectrumdisorderssuchasAspergersyndrome.Togethertheyaccountfornomorethanaround2percentofthegeneralpopulation.Theother98percentofhumanityisborntoempathiseandwiredforsocialconnection.5Wealsoempathisemuchmorefrequentlythanwewouldeverimagine.Mostofus

exerciseourempathicbrainseveryday,althoughweareoftennotconsciousofdoingso.Whenyounoticeanewworkcolleagueisnervousbeforegivingapresentation,youmighttrytoimaginetheanxietyanduncertaintysheisfeeling,andgiveherthereassurancesheneeds.Youseesomeonebeggingunderabridge,andratherthanjustpityinghim(remember,that’ssympathy),youmaythinkaboutwhatitfeelsliketosleepoutonacoldwinternight,ortohavepeoplewalkstraightpastyouwithoutevenbotheringtolookyouintheeye.Butempathyisnotjustaboutanawarenessofthepainandsufferingaroundus.Evenwhenchoosingabirthdaypresentforyourfavouriteaunt,youthinkaboutthekindofgiftthatwouldreallydelighther–someonewithherparticulartastes,andofherageandbackground–notwhatyoumightpersonallywishforasapresent.Iamconvincedthatwecannotexplainvastrealmsofsociallifewithout

acknowledgingtherealityandimportanceofeverydayempathy.Justtrytoimagineaworldwhereitdidnotexist.Itisalmostimpossibletodoso.Motherswouldignorethehungercriesofnewbornbabies.Charitiesfightingchildpovertywouldfoldduetolackofdonations.Fewpeoplewouldmaketheefforttohelpapersoninawheelchairtryingtoopenashopdoor.Yourfriendswouldyawnwithboredomasyoutoldthemaboutyourmarriagebreakingup.Thisheartlessworldofindifferenceisnottheonewelivein.Openyoureyesto

it,andyouwillrealisethatempathyisallaroundus,it’sthestuffweswimin.Yetifthatisthecase,what’stheproblem?Whyshouldwecareaboutcultivatingthesixhabitsofhighlyempathicpeople?Becauseatthismomentinhistoryweare

sufferingfromanacute‘empathydeficit’,bothasasociety,andinourindividuallives.

Tacklingtheempathydeficit

Inthelead-uptothe2008USpresidentialelection,BarackObamamadeempathyoneofhismajorcampaignthemes:

There’salotoftalkinthiscountryaboutthefederaldeficit.ButIthinkweshouldtalkmoreaboutourempathydeficit–ourabilitytoputourselvesinsomeoneelse’sshoes,toseetheworldthroughthosewhoaredifferentfromus–thechildwho’shungry,thelaid-offsteelworker,theimmigrantcleaningyourdormroom…Weliveinaculturethatdiscouragesempathy,aculturethattoooftentellsusthatourprincipalgoalinlifeistoberich,thin,young,famous,safeandentertained.6

WhileObama’sadministrationmayhavehadamixedrecordontacklingtheempathydeficit(theGuantanamodetentioncampremainedopenthroughouthisfirstterminofficedespitehispledgetocloseit),hewascertainlyrighttohighlightitasamajorsocialproblem.ArecentstudyattheUniversityofMichiganrevealedadramaticdeclineinempathylevelsamongstyoungAmericansbetween1980andtoday,withthesteepestdropbeinginthelasttenyears.Theshift,sayresearchers,isinpartduetomorepeoplelivingaloneandspendinglesstimeengagedinsocialandcommunityactivitiesthatnurtureempathicsensitivity.Psychologistshavealsonoticedan‘epidemicofnarcissism’:oneintenAmericansexhibitnarcissisticpersonalitytraitsthatlimittheirinterestinthelivesofothers.ManyanalystsbelievethatEuropeancountriesareexperiencingsimilarreductionsinempathyandincreasesinnarcissismasurbanisationcontinuestofragmentcommunities,civicengagementdecreases,andfreemarketideologiesdeepenindividualism.7Thesetrendsareespeciallyworryinggiventhattheriseofsocialnetworksand

onlinecultureisbelievedtobemakingusmoreconnectedandgloballyawarethanatanytimeinhistory.Facebookmayhaveattractedoverabillionusers,butithasnotservedtoreversetheempathicdecline,andmightevenbecontributingtoit.Socialnetworksaregoodatspreadinginformation,but–atleasttodate–lessadeptatspreadingempathy.Evidenceoftheempathydeficitinsocietyiseverywhereweturn.InthemonthI

writethesewords,overfivethousandcivilianshavebeenkilledinSyria’scivilwar.IopenthenewspaperandreadaboutthescandalofCatholicpriestsinIrelandwhohavebeenaccusedofmolestingyoungchildren.Newfiguresrevealthattwo-thirdsofhigh-incomecountrieshaveawidergapbetweenrichandpoorthantheydidin1980,whileastudyattheUniversityofCaliforniashowsthatthericheryouare,thelessempathicyouarelikelytobe–itseemsthereisnothinglikewealthtomakeyouinsensitivetohumandeprivationandsuffering.8Anddon’tforgetthe

internationalnegotiationstoreducecarbonemissionsthatcontinuetostall,evidenceofourinabilitytoputourselvesintheshoesoffuturegenerationswhowillhavetofacetheconsequencesofanecologicalcrisiswearecollectivelyresponsibleforcreating.Politicalandethnicviolence,religiousintolerance,povertyandhunger,human

rightsabuses,globalwarming–thereisanurgentneedtoharnessthepowerofempathytotacklethesecrisesandbridgesocialdivides.Thisrequiresthinkingaboutempathynotjustasarelationshipbetweenindividuals–whichishowitistypicallydescribedinpsychologytextbooks–butasacollectiveforcethatcanshiftthecontoursofthesocialandpoliticallandscape.Iamhopefulofthepossibilities.Lookingbackthroughhistory,thereisnodoubt

wecanseemomentsofmassempathiccollapse,fromtheslaughteroftheCrusadestothehorrorsoftheHolocaustandtheRwandangenocide.Buttherehavealsobeenwavesofcollectiveempathicflowering,suchasthehumanitarianrevolutionineighteenth-centuryEurope,whichsawtheriseofthemovementtoabolishslavery,thedeclineoftortureinthejudicialsystem,improvedprisonconditions,andgrowingconcernfortherightsofchildrenandworkers.Thismoralrevolution,writesStevenPinker,wasrootedin‘theriseofempathyandtheregardforhumanlife’.9Weshouldbeturningtoexampleslikethisforinspiration–andtoothersthatIwilldescribeinthisbook–andputempathytoworktotacklethegreatissuesofourtime.Alongsidetheempathydeficitthatplaguescontemporarysocietyisalessobvious

onethatexistsonthelevelofourindividuallives.Thismorepersonaldeficittakestheformofafailuretograsptheenormousopportunitythatempathyofferstoimprovethequalityofoureverydayexistence.Weneedtorecognisethatempathydoesn’tjustmakeyougood–it’sgoodforyoutoo.Manywellbeingexpertsarebeginningtorecognisethisfundamentaltruthoftheartofliving.AmongstthemistheeconomistRichardLayard,whoadvocates‘deliberatecultivationoftheprimitiveinstinctofempathy’because‘ifyoucaremoreaboutotherpeoplerelativetoyourself,youaremorelikelytobehappy’.Similarly,personaldevelopmentthinkerStephenCoveyarguesthat‘empathiccommunication’isoneofthekeystoimprovinginterpersonalrelations.10Sowhatcanempathyreallydoforus?Forastart,ithasthepowertohealbrokenrelationships.Somanyrelationships

fallapartbecauseatleastonepersonfeelsthattheirneedsandfeelingsarenotbeinglistenedtoandunderstood.Ahealthydoseofempathy,saycouplescounsellors,isoneofthebestcuresavailable.Empathycanalsodeepenourfriendshipsandhelpcreatenewones–especiallyusefulinaworldwhereoneinfourpeoplesufferfromloneliness.Creativethinkingimproveswithaninjectionofempathytoo,sinceitenablesyoutoseeproblemsandperspectivesthatwouldotherwiseremainhidden.And,asthestoriesinthisbookwillreveal,thereisnothinglikelookingthrough

someoneelse’seyestohelpquestionyourownassumptionsandprejudices,andsparknewwaysofthinkingaboutyourprioritiesinlife.11Thesearethekindsofbenefitsthatarepromptingagrowingnumberofpeopleto

adoptempathyasaphilosophyoflifeinitsownright,turningtheirpersonalempathydeficitsintoahealthysurplus.TheycantaketheirleadfromdesignerPatriciaMoore,whoexplainedtomeexactlywhyempathymatterssomuchtoher:

Empathyisaconstantawarenessofthefactthatyourconcernsarenoteveryone’sconcernsandthatyourneedsarenoteveryone’sneeds,andthatsomecompromisehastobeachievedmomentbymoment.Idon’tthinkempathyischarity,Idon’tthinkempathyisself-sacrifice,Idon’tthinkempathyisprescriptive.Ithinkempathyisanever-evolvingwayoflivingasfullyaspossible,becauseit’spushingyourenvelopeandpushingyouintonewexperiencesthatyoumightnotexpectorappreciateuntilyou’regiventheopportunity.12

Empathymightwellbearoutetothegoodlife,butweshouldalsoappreciatehowitcanmakeusgood,shapingourethicalvisions.Philosophersandsocialthinkershavelongconsideredempathytobeoneofthemosteffectivemeanswehaveofexpandingtheboundariesofourmoraluniverses.Intheimmediateaftermathofthe9/11attacks,novelistIanMcEwanwrote:‘Imaginingwhatitisliketobesomeoneotherthanyourselfisatthecoreofourhumanity.Itistheessenceofcompassion,anditisthebeginningofmorality.’13ButperhapsthemostfamousandinfluentialstatementonthisthemewasmadebyMahatmaGandhi,shortlybeforehisassassinationin1948.Itisknownas‘Gandhi’sTalisman’:

Wheneveryouareindoubt,orwhentheselfbecomestoomuchwithyou,applythefollowingtest.Recallthefaceofthepoorestandtheweakestmanwhomyoumayhaveseen,andaskyourselfifthestepyoucontemplateisgoingtobeofanyusetohim.Willhegainanythingbyit?Willitrestorehimtoacontroloverhisownlifeanddestiny?Inotherwords,willitleadtoswaraj[freedom]forthehungryandspirituallystarvingmillions?Thenyouwillfindyourdoubtsandyourselfmeltaway.14

Gandhi’sempathicthoughtexperimentoffersacompelling–ifchallenging–moralguidetoliveby.JustimagineifthisTalismansatframedonthedeskofeverypoliticalleader,bankingtitanandmediabaron.Orevenonourown.Anthropologistshavealsofoundthatempathicthinkingunderpinsmoralcodesin

culturesaroundtheworld.ACheyenneNativeAmericanproverbadvises,‘Donotjudgeyourneighbouruntilyouwalktwomoonsinhismoccasins.’MostPacificIslandlanguagespossessexpressionsthatdenoteasenseofcaringbasedonunderstandingotherpeople’semotionsandlookingattheworldfromtheirperspective,suchasthetermtenanoanga,usedbytheBanabanpeopleofFiji.15InsouthernAfrica,thehumanistphilosophyofUbuntuisknownforitsempathicelements.‘ApersonwithUbuntu,’writesDesmondTutu,‘isdiminishedwhenothersarehumiliatedordiminished…Ubuntuspeaksaboutourinterconnectedness.’

Ultimately,thebestreasontodevelopthehabitofempathisingisthatempathycancreatethehumanbondsthatmakelifeworthliving.Oncewetrulyrecognisethatwearehomoempathicus,socialanimalswhothriveonconnectionratherthanisolation,itmakeslittlesensetosuppresstheempathicsideofourselves.Ourwellbeingdependsonussteppingoutofourownegosandintothelivesofothers,bothpeopleclosetousanddistantstrangers.Thepleasuresofdoingsoarerealandprofound.Withoutempathicbondswearelesserbeings,onlypartofwhowecouldbe.OrasthepoetJohnDonneputitintheseventeenthcentury:

Nomanisanisland,entireofitself;everymanisapieceofthecontinent,apartofthemain.Ifaclodbewashedawaybythesea,Europeistheless,aswellasifapromontorywere,aswellasifamanorofthyfriend’sorofthineownwere:anyman’sdeathdiminishesme,becauseIaminvolvedinmankind,andthereforeneversendtoknowforwhomthebellstolls;ittollsforthee.

Fromintrospectionto‘outrospection’

Wherehavewegottosofar?Putsimply,empathymatters.Weneedtomovebeyondascientificunderstandingofempathy,andrecogniseitasapowerfultoolthatcanbothcreateradicalsocialchange,andgivegreaterdepthandmeaningtoourlives.Thisshouldbecauseenoughtoplaceitrightatthetopofour‘todo’lists.Butbeforemakingastartbyexploringthesixhabitsofempathicpeople,thereisanevenbiggerpictureweneedtosee,anoverarchingreasonwhyempathydeservestobeatthecentreofhowweapproachtheartofliving:itisanantidotetotheself-absorbedindividualismthatwehaveinheritedfromthelastcentury.IthinkofthetwentiethcenturyastheAgeofIntrospection.Itwastheerainwhich

theself-helpindustryandtherapyculturepromotedtheideathatthebestwaytounderstandwhoyouare,andhowtolive,wastolookinsideyourselfandfocusonyourownfeelings,experiencesanddesires.Thisindividualisticphilosophy,whichhascometodominateWesternculture,hasfailedtodeliverthegoodlifetomostpeople.Sothetwenty-firstcenturyneedstobedifferent.Insteadofintrospection,weshouldcreateanewAgeofOutrospection,wherewefindabetterbalancebetweenlookinginwardsandlookingoutwards.By‘outrospection’Imeantheideaofdiscoveringwhoyouareandhowtolivebysteppingoutsideyourselfandexploringthelivesandperspectivesofotherpeople.16AndtheessentialartformfortheAgeofOutrospectionisempathy.Iamnotimplyingthatweshouldcompletelyrejectintrospection.Clearlywecanlearnalotaboutourselvesthroughself-reflection,andamindfulexaminationofourownthoughtsandactionsmaywellhelpliberateusfromprejudicesandselfishtraitsthatholdbackourempathy.Theproblemisthatthependulumhasswungtoofartowardsintrospection.Letmeexplain.

OneoftheconsequencesoftheFreudianrevolutionwastopopularisetheinwardgaze,especiallytheideaofsolvingpersonalproblemsbydelvingintotheinner,unconsciousworldofourchildhood,dreamsandforgottenmemories.ThisbeliefintheimportanceofsearchinginsideourselvesbecameacoreprincipleofthevariousformsofpsychoanalysisandtherapythatexplodedintheyearsafterFreud’sdeathin1939.Therapidriseoftherapyculturewasstriking,particularlyintheUnitedStates.In

1940around4percentoftheUSpopulationhadtriedpsychotherapybutbythelate1950sthisfigurehadgrownto14percent.Between1950and1975thenumberofpractisingpsychotherapistsmultipliedeight-fold.Evenmoreremarkablewasthegrowingproportionofpeoplewhoweregoingtoseeananalystnottodealwithmentalillnesseslikedepression,butrathertofindmeaningandhumanconnectionintheirlives.‘Americanswereincreasinglyreplacingtraditionalproblem-solvers–friendsandconfidantes–withshort-termpsychotherapists,’accordingtomedicalscholarRonaldW.Dworkin,sothatbythe1970s‘thetherapistinAmericanlifehadbecomeasubstitutefriendforunhappypeople’.17AnastuteobserverofthisphenomenonwastheAustralianphilosopherPeter

Singer.UponmovingtoNewYorkinthe1970s,hewasstruckbyhowmanyofhisacademiccolleagueswereinregulartherapy.Theyoftensawtheirtherapistonadailybasis,andsomewerespendinguptoaquarteroftheirannualsalariestoenjoytheprivilege.SingerfounditstrangethatthesepeopledidnotseemanymoreorlessdisturbedthanhisfriendsandworkmatesinMelbourneorOxford.Soheaskedthemwhytheyweredoingit.‘Theysaidthattheyfeltrepressed,’rememberedSinger,‘orhadunresolvedpsychologicaltensions,orfoundlifemeaningless.’Theproblem,wroteSinger,isthatweareunlikelytofindmeaningandpurpose

bylookinginwards:

Peoplespendyearsinpsychoanalysis,oftenquitefruitlessly,becausepsychoanalystsareschooledinFreudiandogmathatteachesthemtolocateproblemswithinthepatient’sownunconsciousstates,andtotrytoresolvetheseproblemsbyintrospection.Thuspatientsaredirectedtolookinwardswhentheyshouldreallybelookingoutwards…Obsessionwiththeselfhasbeenthecharacteristicpsychologicalerrorofthegenerationsoftheseventiesandeighties.Idonotdenythatproblemsoftheselfarevitallyimportant;theerrorconsistsinseekinganswerstothoseproblemsbyfocusingontheself.

Singerthoughtthathiscolleagueswouldbefarbetteroffiftheydedicatedthemselvestoacausethatwasgreaterthanthemselves.‘Iftheseable,affluentNewYorkershadonlygotofftheiranalyst’scouches,stoppedthinkingabouttheirownproblemsandgoneouttodosomethingabouttherealproblemsfacedbylessfortunatepeopleinBangladeshorEthiopia–oreveninManhattan,’hewrote,‘theywouldhaveforgottentheirownproblemsandmaybemadetheworldabetterplaceaswell.’18

Singerwenttoofarinhisrejectionofintrospection.Mostofusrecognisethatlookinginwards,andintoourpasts,canhelpusdiscoveranenormousamountaboutwhoweare.Equally,goodtherapyhasthepowertotransformourlives(asithasmyown).YetSingerwasoneofthefirstthinkerstonoticethatwemaynothavethebalanceright,andthatwemightneedmoreofanoutwardturn–whatIcall‘outrospection’–todiscoverthegoodlife.Hewasnotaloneinhisscepticalattitudetowardsintrospection.Joininghimwas

theculturalcriticTomWolfe,whodescribedthe1970sasthe‘MeDecade’,whenobsessionwiththeselfreachednewhistoricalheights:

Theoldalchemicaldreamwaschangingbasemetalsintogold.Thenewalchemicaldreamis:changingone’spersonality–remaking,remodeling,elevating,andpolishingone’sveryself…andobserving,studying,anddotingonit.(Me!)19

Wolfearguedthatthirtyyearsofpost-wareconomicprosperityhadliberatedenoughpeoplefromeverydaymaterialworriestocreateaboominnarcissism.Moreandmorepeopleweregazingintothemirroroftheirownfeelingsanddesires.Itwasexpressednotjustinthepopularityofpsychoanalysis,butincommunaltherapymovementssuchasEncounterGroupsandErhardSeminarsTraining(est),aswellasyogacirclesandmeditationretreats.IntrospectionbegantopermeateWesternsociety.Termssuchas‘self-

improvement’,‘self-realisation,‘self-help’and‘personalempowerment’becamepartofeverydayconversation.Thepoliticalradicalismofthe1960swasgraduallygivingwaytoapreoccupationwithindividual‘lifestyle’.Addedintothemixwasthegrowinginfluenceofmassconsumerculture,whichfedofftheenhancedobsessionwiththeself(Buyacarthatexpressesthe‘realyou’!).Increasingly,peopleexpressedtheirpersonalidentitythroughluxuryconsumptionthatgavethematasteofwealth,statusandprivilege.ItwasanidealsummedupbytheartistBarbaraKruger ’sslogan‘IshopthereforeIam’.20Theresultwasawholegenerationdrawntowardsthebeliefthatthepursuitofself-interest–especiallythesatisfactionofmaterialdesires–wastheoptimalpathtopersonalhappiness.‘What’sinitforme?’becamethedefiningquestionoftheage.Thisintrospective,self-orientedapproachtotheartoflivingwasevidentinthe

newwaveof‘happiness’thinkingthatemergedinthelate1990s.Itskeyfigurestypicallyframedthesearchforhappinessasanindividualistpursuitandputpersonalsatisfactiononapedestal.Forexample,MartinSeligman’sbookAuthenticHappiness(2002)carriesthesubtitle‘UsingtheNewPositivePsychologytoRealizeYourPotentialforLastingFulfillment’,whileTalBen-Shahar ’sHappier(2007)hasthesubtitle‘CanYouLearntoBeHappy?’Thesebooksareabout‘me’not‘we’.TheyaredirectdescendantsoftheMeDecadeofthe1970s.

Ben-Shahar,whosecourseonhappinessatHarvardhasbeenoneofthemostpopularintheuniversity’srecenthistory,isupfrontabouthisphilosophy.‘Iamnoaltruist,’heinsists,‘theultimatereasonthatIdoanything–whetheritisspendingtimewithmyfriendsordoingworkforcharity–isthatitmakesmehappy.’Ouractions,hewrites,‘shouldbeguidedbyself-interest’ratherthan‘themoralityofduty’.Ben-Shahar ’sideasreflectthoseoftheright-winglibertarianthinkerAynRand–hefoundedanorganisationatHarvardtospreadRand’sphilosophy–andexemplifythehighlyindividualistic,self-centredapproachfavouredbymanyoftoday’shappinessgurus.21WhilesomehappinessthinkerssuchasMartinSeligmanhaveabroaderperspectiveanddiscusstheimportanceofhavingempathyandcompassionforothers,formostsuchtraitsrarelytakecentrestage,andaregenerallyconsideredameanstotheendofpersonalfulfilment.22ThetragedyisthattheAgeofIntrospection,withitsintensefocusontheself,has

notledWesternsocietyintothepromisedlandofhappiness.Despitethebulgingself-helpshelvesinbookshopsandanavalancheofwell-intentionedadvicefromhappinessexperts,somanypeoplestillfeelthatthereissomethingmissingfromtheirlives,andthattheyarenotgainingalltheycanfromtheraregiftofexistence.Theevidenceisoverwhelming.LevelsoflifesatisfactionhavebarelyriseninWesterncountriesdespiteoverhalfacenturyofgrowingmaterialabundance.Morethanhalfofallemployeesfeelunfulfilledintheirjobs.Theaveragerateofdivorcehasreached50percent.Andthereisarisingtideofdepressionandanxiety:aroundoneinfourpeopleinEuropeandtheUnitedStateswillexperienceamentalhealthproblematsomepointintheirlives.23Thiscouldhardlybedescribedasahappystateofaffairs.NowisthemomenttomovebeyondtheAgeofIntrospectionandtrysomething

different.Overtwothousandyearsago,Socratesadvisedthatthebestroutetolivingwiselyandwellwasto‘knowthyself’.Wehaveconventionallythoughtthatthisrequiresself-reflection,wherewelookinwardsandstareintooursouls.Butwecanalsocometoknowourselvesbysteppingoutsideourselves,andlearningaboutlivesandculturesthataredifferentfromourown.ItistimetoforgeanewAgeofOutrospection,andempathyisourgreatesthopefordoingso.

Knowingthyselftakesoutrospectionaswellasintrospection.24

Theempathicchallenge

Let’snot,however,benaïve.Empathyisnouniversalpanaceaforalltheworld’sproblems,norforallthestruggleswefaceinourownlives.It’simportanttoberealisticaboutwhatempathycanandcannotachieve.Thatiswhy,asIexplorethesixhabitsofhighlyempathicpeople,Iwillalsobeaddressingthechallenges.Isitpossibletoempathisetoomuch?Can’tempathybeusedtomanipulatepeople?Canwereallylearntobecomemoreempathic?Andwhataboutourtendencytocarefarmoreaboutournearestanddearestthanpeoplelivinginfarawayplacesofwhichweknowlittle?25Thesechallengesalsoexistformeonapersonallevel.Iamnotwritingthisbook

assomeonewhohasmasteredtheartofempathyandwhopractisesallsixhabitswithease.Farfromit.Ifirstbecameinterestedinempathyinmymid-twenties,afterlivingforashort

timewithindigenousMayanrefugeesintheGuatemalanjungle,justsouthoftheMexicanborder.Isawchildrendyingbecausetheyhadnoaccesstomedicalcare.Iheardstoriesaboutmassacresbythearmy.Witnessingthedeprivationandinsecuritythesepeoplefacedindailylifeopenedmeuptoempathy.Later,asapoliticalscientistandsociologist,Igraduallybecameconvincedthatthemosteffectivewaytoachievedeepsocialchangewasnotthroughthetraditionalmeansofpartypoliticsandintroducingnewlawsandpolicies,butthroughchangingthe

waypeopletreatedeachotheronanindividualbasis–inotherwords,throughempathy.Butitwasonlyafterleavingacademiaandresearchingempathyforaroundfive

yearsthatIfinallyunderstoodwhyitmatteredsomuchtome.OnedayIwasthinkingabouthowIwasaffectedbymymother ’sdeath,whenIwasten.NotonlydidIlosemostofmymemoriesfrombeforethatage–asoftenoccursincasesofchildhoodtrauma–butIalsobecameveryemotionallywithdrawn.Ifounditdifficulttorelatetootherpeople’ssorrows,orequallytofeeltheirjoys.Irarelycried,andfeltextremelydistancedfrompeople.AndasIsatcontemplatingthis,Isuddenlyhadanepiphany.MyinterestinempathywasnotsimplyduetowhatIhadseeninGuatemalaorwhatacademicconclusionsIhaddrawnaboutsocialchange,butreallystemmedfromanunconsciousdesiretorecovertheempathicselfthatIhadlostasachild.SoIamstilllookingforwaystoengagetheempathiccircuitryembeddedinmy

brain,andrealisemyempathicpotentialasfullyaspossible.Theconceptofempathyhasdistinctmoralovertones.Butasyoudiveinto

exploringthesixhabits,youcanthinkofempathisingmoreasanoriginalandexhilaratingformoftravel.Whynotbedaringandtravelintothelifeofanotherperson,andseehowitaffectswhoyouareandwhoyouwanttobe?Ratherthanaskingyourself‘WherecanIgonext?’,ask,‘WhoseshoescanIstandinnext?’Ihopethatthisbookwillinspireyoutoembarkonunexpectedempathicjourneys,leadingyoutodestinationsthatcannotbefoundinanytouristguidebooks.Ifenoughofusbecomeempathictravellers,wemaywellfindthatwetransformtheworldwelivein.

HABIT1SWITCHONYOUREMPATHIC

BRAIN

Sciencefictionorsciencefact?

Stardate3196.ThestarshipUSSEnterprise,underthecommandofCaptainJamesT.Kirk,hasbeensenttoaminingcolonyonplanetJanusVItoinvestigatereportsofastrangecreaturethathasrecentlykilledfiftyminersandisdestroyingpreciousequipment.CaptainKirkandhistrustyVulcandeputyMrSpockencounterthecreature,whichresemblesaclumpofmoltenrock,inadeepundergroundtunnel.Theyfiretheirphasergunsatit,andtheinjuredcreaturescuttlesoff.Soonafter,Kirkstumblesintoachamberfilledwithwhatlookslikethousandsofsmall,roundsiliconrocks–andthereisthecreatureagain.Butnowitishurtandposeslittlethreat.Kirkwisheshecouldcommunicatewithittounderstanditsviolentbehaviour,soSpockofferstohelp.‘Captain,youareawareoftheVulcantechniqueofjoiningtwominds?’hesays.

Spockthenslowlyplaceshishandsonthecreature,closeshiseyes,andconcentratesonconnectingwithitsmind.‘Pain!Pain!Pain!’hesuddenlyshoutsout,staggeringbackwards.Fromthisbriefmomentofempathiccontact,Spocklearnsthatthecreaturecalls

itselfaHortaandisinanguishbecausetheminershavebeenunknowinglycrushingitsbabies–whicharesoontohatchfromtheroundsilicon‘rocks’thatarefoundthroughoutthemine.TheonlyreasontheHortahadbeenattackingtheminerswastoprotectitseggs.Havingdiscoveredthis,CaptainKirktellstheminerstosimplyleavetheHorta’s

eggsalone,andthenitwillleavethemalonetodigoutthepreciousmineraltheyseek.AndsoendsTheDevilintheDark,aclassic1968episodeoftheoriginalStarTrekseries.Spock’sVulcan‘mind-meld’abilitieshavesavedtheday.Sciencefictionorsciencefact?WhilehumanbeingsmaynotpossesstheVulcan

species’empathicskillofplacingtheirfingersonsomeoneelse’sskullandunderstandingtheirthoughtsandemotions,oneofthemostexcitingdiscoveriesofmodernscienceisthatwearemuchmorelikeVulcansthanwehadeverrealised.ForgetthetraditionalDarwinianideathatweareprimarilymotivatedbyself-

interestandanaggressivedriveforself-preservation–avisionofourselvesashomoself-centricus.Theemergingpictureofhumannatureisthatwearejustasmuchhomoempathicus,withanaturalcapacitytomeldourmindstoothers.Developingourempathicabilitiesrequiresgraspingthisrealityaboutwhowe

are.Weneedtoshiftourunderlyingattitude–whattheGermansociologistKarlMannheimcalledourWeltanschauungor‘worldview’–andrecognisethispartofourselvesthatWesternculturehasbeendisregardingforsolong.Ifwekeeptellingourselveswearelittlemorethanegoisticcreatures,thereisslimchancethatwewilleverbecomeanydifferent.Oneofthebestwaystoshiftourthinkingistolearnaboutthefascinatingdiscoveryofhomoempathicus.Sothischapterrevealsthelittle-knownstoryofhowwefinallyfoundourempathicselves.Itbeginswiththetheoriesofaseventeenth-centuryphilosopherandtakesusthroughtothelatestbrainresearchonmirrorneurons,viathehistoryofpsychology,studiesoforphanedbabiesandtheemotionallifeofchimpanzees.Thefirsthabitofhighlyempathicpeopleisto‘switchonyourempathicbrain’,

bywhichImeanembracingthismoresophisticatedunderstandingofhumannature.Itisaboutrecognisingtwothings.First,thatthecapacitytoempathiseispartofourgeneticinheritance,withrootsdeepinourevolutionarypasts.Andsecond,thatempathycanbeexpandedthroughoutourlives–itisnevertoolatetojointheempathyrevolution.Implantingtheseideasdeepwithinourpsychesistheperfectfoundationfordevelopingtheotherfivehabitsofhighlyempathicpeople,primingourmindsforsteppingintootherpeople’sshoes.Whereshouldwebeginlearningaboutourempathicbrains?Byexploringthe

originsofoneofthemostpowerfulpiecesofculturalpropagandainmodernhistory:thathumanbeingsareessentiallyselfish.

It’shumannature,isn’tit?

Wetendtobepessimistic,evencynicalaboutotherpeople.SurveydataacrossWesterncountriesshowsthatwetypicallythinkthat‘mostpeoplecan’tbetrusted’and‘peoplearemostlylookingoutjustforthemselves’.1Theassumptionthatweareself-interestedatourcoresissoembeddedinourmindsthatwehardlynoticeit.‘Oh,it’shumannature,’peoplesay–aphrasereservedtodescribenasty,self-centredorotherwisenegativebehaviour.Ontheotherhand,whenwewitnessgesturesofcaringandgenerosity,wenevershrugourshouldersandsay,‘Well,whatdidyouexpect?It’sjusthumannaturetobegenerous.’2Empathy,kindnessandotherformsofbenevolentbehaviouraregenerallyseenastheexceptionratherthantherule.

Yetitisnotsurprisingthatthisviewofhumannatureshouldbesopervasive.Itpartlyreflectstherealitythatwedoindeedhaveaninnateselfishandaggressivesidetous.Butitisalsoastoryabouthumannaturethathasbeensoldtousbyinfluentialthinkersformorethanthreecenturies–itisourculturalinheritance,anideologythathasgraduallyseepedintoourcollectiveimaginations.Revealingwhoisresponsibleforitisthebeginningofrediscoveringourempathicselves.Therearefourprimesuspects.InmodernWesternthought,theself-interestnarrativebeginswiththeEnglish

philosopherThomasHobbes,whose1651bookLeviathanarguedthatifhumanbeingswereleftina‘stateofnature’–withoutanyformofgovernment–theresultwouldbea‘warreofallagainstall’andlifewouldbe‘solitary,poor,nasty,brutishandshort’.Hisconclusionwasthatinherentlyself-seekingandviolentcreaturessuchasourselvesneededanauthoritariangovernmenttokeepusincheck.AlthoughHobbeswasattemptingtomakeuniversalstatements,hisideaswereverymuchaproductofhistimes:hisnegativeportrayalofhumannaturewasundoubtedlyinfluencedbythefactthathewrotehisbookduringthebloodyturmoiloftheEnglishCivilWar.Thisdidnot,however,preventLeviathanbecomingoneofthemostimportantworksofWesternintellectualhistory–itwasstillatthetopofthereadinglistwhenIstudiedpoliticsinthelate1980s.Duringtheeighteenthcentury,theideologyofself-interestfoundanewchampion

intheScottishEnlightenmentthinkerAdamSmith.Heisanunusualfigureinthisstory,sincehealsoplayedadecisiveroleinshapinghowweunderstandempathy.Yethisideasonthissubjectwerealmostcompletelyeclipsedbyhisradicaltheoryofself-interestthatappearedinTheWealthofNations(1776).Smithmaintainedthatifbuyersandsellersinaneconomydedicatedthemselvestomaximisingtheirpersonalgain,goodsandserviceswouldbedistributedbyan‘invisiblehand’inthebestinterestsofthecommunityasawhole.‘Bypursuinghisowninterest,’wroteSmith,anindividual‘frequentlypromotesthatofthesocietymoreeffectuallythanwhenhereallyintendstopromoteit’.Thepowerofthisideawasthatitofferedaresoundingeconomicandpoliticaljustificationforactinginaccordancewithone’sself-interest,whichhelpsexplainSmith’spopularitywithbusinessandpoliticalelitesduringtheIndustrialRevolution.Theinvisiblehandlaterbecameapillarofneoclassicaleconomicthinking,whichrosetoprominenceinthesecondhalfofthetwentiethcenturyandfounditspoliticalexpressioninthefreemarketideologiesofThatcherismandReaganomics.Itsleadingproponents,suchastheAustrianaristocratFriedrichvonHayek,echoedSmithbyclaimingthat‘wewillbenefitourfellowmenmostifweareguidedsolelybythestrivingforgain’.3CharlesDarwin’sTheOriginofSpecies,publishedin1859,wastakentoconfirm

everythingthatHobbesandSmithwerearguing.Histheoryofnaturalselectionandthe‘struggleforexistence’reinforcedthenarrativeaboutinnatehumanselfishness:

competitionratherthancooperationwasthedriverofourevolutionaryhistory.ThissimplisticinterpretationofDarwin’sideas–heactuallyhadamorenuancedviewofhumannature–waspopularisedby‘socialDarwinists’suchastheEnglishphilosopherHerbertSpencer,whocoinedtheterm‘survivalofthefittest’.Therich,Spencerbelieved,hadnoneedtofeelguiltyabouttheirwealth,sinceitwastheinevitableresultoftheirnaturaltalentandsuperiority.HisbookssoldspectacularlywellintheUnitedStates.‘SpencerwasAmericangospel,’wrotetheeconomistJohnKennethGalbraith,‘becausehisideasfittedtheneedsofAmericancapitalism.’4Darwin’stheoriesweregivenadifferentspininthe1970swhentheevolutionarybiologistRichardDawkinssuggestedthathumanbeingswerereally‘machinesforpassingongenes’.5Hismetaphorofthe‘selfishgene’–althoughneverintendedtoimplythatgenesactuallyhadwillsoftheirown–becameacelebratedpopsciencecatchphrasethatresonatedwiththelonghistoryofthinkingthatself-interestwaslurkingdeepinourbeings.AfinalkeyfigurewhoseworkhelpedtocementthisstoryinWesternmindswas

SigmundFreud.InbookssuchasCivilizationanditsDiscontents(1930),Freudwasintentonstrippingawayanyromanticillusionsabouthumannature,especiallyinthelightoftheWorldWarthatEuropehadjustlivedthrough.Hewasparticularlyscathingofthecommandmentto‘loveone’sneighbourasoneself’,since‘nothingelserunssostronglycountertotheoriginalnatureofman’.‘Menarenotgentlecreatures,’hewrote,butratherhavean‘inclinationtoaggression’.Evenbabies,heargued,hadaruthlessdrivetoseektheirself-interest.LikeHobbes,Freudbelievedthatwithoutadequatecontrolsmanbecomes‘asavagebeasttowhomconsiderationofhisownkindissomethingalien’.Heisdrivenbyhislibidoandaggressionnottolovehisneighbour,but‘tousehimsexuallywithouthisconsent,toseizehispossessions,tohumiliatehim,tocausehimpain,totortureandtokillhim’.6Thereisnotmuchroomforempathyleftinthiseroticised–andfranklymonstrous–visionofhumannature.Soherewestandintheearlytwenty-firstcentury,havingbeensaturatedformore

thanthreehundredyearsbytheoverridingmessagethatself-interestultimatelydefineswhoweare.AndthereislittledoubtthatthismessagehasbeenfullyabsorbedintoWesternculture.Ourlanguageisstrewnwithexpressionsthatreinforceadarkimageofhumankind,from‘lookingafternumberone’to‘niceguysfinishlast’.Takeaneconomicscourseandthecentralassumptionwillbethathumanbeingsarerational,self-interestedactors.Openanewspaperandyouaremuchmorelikelytoreadreportsofconflictratherthancooperation–actsofempathyrarelymaketheheadlines.Hollywoodfilmsspecialiseinfeedingusonadietofeverydayviolenceandhumanbrutality,oftenundertheeuphemismof‘actionmovies’.Childrengraduatequicklyfromreadingfarmyardanimalstoriestoplayingcomputergameswheretheusualaimistoshootandkilloneanother,asif

theyweretrappedinaHobbesiannightmare.Somehowweconsiderallofthisquitenormal.Underthecontinualintellectualassaultofthisquartetofpowerfulthinkers–

Hobbes,Smith,DarwinandFreud–andtheirfollowers,theideathatwemaybewiredforempathyjustasmuchasforself-interesthashadlittlechancetoemergeandflower.Thegreattragedyisthat,untilnow,wehavebeenpresentedwithonlyapartialaccountofhumannature–onethatfocusesonouregoistselves,homoself-centricus.Sohowisitthattodaywearehearingsomuchtalkofhomoempathicus?Whatisthestoryofhowwediscoveredourempathicbrains?

Childpsychologyandthediscoveryofhomoempathicus

Astonishingly,whenwetracetherootsofempathicthinkinginWesternculture,theygobacktosomeoftheverysameauthorswhosewritingshavebeenusedtosellustheself-interestnarrative.AdamSmithmayhaveclaimed,inTheWealthofNations,thatthepursuitofself-interestwasgoodforsociety,butinanotherbookpublishedseventeenyearsearlier,TheTheoryofMoralSentiments(1759),heofferedamorecomplexandcompletedepictionofhumanmotivation,whichwasinpartadirectripostetoHobbes’spessimisticviewofthestateofnature.7‘Howselfishsoevermanbesupposed,’Smithbeganhisbook,‘thereareevidentlysomeprinciplesinhisnature,whichinteresthiminthefortuneofothers,andrendertheirhappinessnecessarytohim,thoughhederivesnothingfromit,exceptpleasureofseeingit.’Thisisfollowedbytheworld’sfirstfullydevelopedtheoryofempathy–whichatthetimewascalled‘sympathy’–whereSmitharguedthatwehaveanaturalcapacityforsteppingintootherpeople’sshoes,whichhememorablydescribedas‘changingplacesinfancywiththesufferer ’.HisideaswerereinforcedbyhisScottishcontemporary,thephilosopherDavidHume,whowrotethatthereisineachofus‘someparticleofthedove,kneadedintoourframe,alongwiththeelementsofthewolfandtheserpent’.Darwintoowaswellawarethateverydaylifewasnotpervadedbytoothandclaw

selfishness,andrecognisedthatwehaveamorebenevolentsidetous.Henoticedthesociabilityofmanymammals–forexamplethewaydogsandhorsesweremiserablewhenseparatedfromtheircompanions–andbelievedtherewasalsoaningrained‘socialinstinct’withinhumanbeings,whichexplainedwhysomeonemightrushintoaburningbuildingtosaveastranger,evenifitputhisownlifeatrisk.IntheyearsafterthepublicationofTheOriginofSpecies,Darwinbecameconvincedthatcooperationandreciprocitywereasessentialascompetitiontotheevolutionaryprocess.UnfortunatelythismoreempathicsideofDarwin’sthinking,

whichappearedinbookssuchasTheDescentofMan(1871),waslargelyneglectedatthetime,andweareonlybeginningtorecoveritnow.8SmithandDarwinsimplycouldn’tignoretheobvioustruththatwearesocial

animalswhocaredeeplyaboutotherpeopleandfrequentlyactintheirinterests,oftentoourowndetriment.Theycouldseethisintheirconcernfortheirownfamilyandfriends,buttheywerealsowitnessestotheriseofhumanitarianorganisationsintheeighteenthandnineteenthcenturies,suchasthosetocombatchildneglect.Yetpowerfulvoicesinsocietyhadlittledesiretohearwhattheyhadtosayabouthomoempathicus.Thestoryaboutself-interestwasfarmoreconvenient,especiallytopoliticianswhowereonlyminimallyconcernedwithhumanwelfareandindustrialistswhoneededcheaplabourtofilltheirfactories.Itwasnotuntiltheearlytwentiethcentury,whenpsychologywasbecomingan

establishedscience,thattheconceptofempathystartedgettingtheattentionitdeserved.TherootsoftheEnglishword‘empathy’canbefoundintheGermantermEinfühlung,whichliterallymeans‘feelinginto’.EinfühlungwaspopularisedinthenineteenthcenturybyanowforgottenGermanphilosophercalledTheodorLipps(whowasgreatlyadmiredbyFreud)asaconceptinphilosophicalaestheticsthatreferredtoourabilityto‘feelinto’worksofartandnature,andhaveanemotionalratherthanarationalresponsetothem.In1909theAmericanpsychologistEdwardTitchenerdecideditwastimeforEinfühlungtohaveanEnglishequivalent,soheinventedtheword‘empathy’(basedontheancientGreekempatheia,meaning‘in’+‘suffering’).Fromthatmomenton,themeaningofempathyunderwentaseriesofmetamorphoses,creatingacomplexlinguisticinheritancethatrequiressomeunravelling.Psychologistsquicklyshifteditsusefromtherealmofarttodenoteaformof

mimicry.Apopularpsychologytextbookfromthe1930scontainsaphotographofapolevaulterclearingthebar,withonlookersstandingunderneathunconsciouslyliftingtheirlegsintheairandstrainingtheirfaces,asiftheyweredoingthevaultingthemselves.Thephotoiscaptioned‘Empathy’.Theauthorthendescribeshowanaudiencewilloftenimitatethefacialexpressionsofaspeakerstandingbeforethem–theymay,forinstance,involuntarilysmilewhenthespeakersmiles.Thistooisdescribedasaclassicinstanceofempathy.9Fromthe1940s,however,thesetwoearlymeanings–asamodeofappreciating

artandasemotionalmimicry–gavewaytothetwoapproachestoempathythatyouwillmostcommonlyfindinpsychologytextbookstoday:empathyasperspective-taking(sometimescalled‘cognitiveempathy’)andempathyasasharedemotionalresponse(knownas‘affectiveempathy’).Sowhatexactlydotheymean,andwheredotheconceptscomefrom?Thegreatbreakthroughinthinkingaboutcognitiveempathycamein1948,when

theSwisschildpsychologistJeanPiagetpublishedtheresultsofanexperiment

knownas‘TheThreeMountainsTask’.Childrenofvariousageswerepresentedwithathree-dimensionalmodelofamountainscene,thenaskedtodescribewhatadollwouldseefromdifferentpositionsaroundthemodel.Thoseagedunderfourtendedtochoosetheirownperspectiveofviewingthemodel,ratherthanthatofthedoll,whereasolderchildrenwereabletostepintothedoll’sshoes.Piaget’sinterpretationofthiswasthattheyoungerchildrenwereasyetunabletoconsideranotherperson’spointofview.Thecurrentconsensusinempathyresearch,whichbuildsonPiaget’spioneering

studiesofvisualperception,isthatchildrenasyoungastwoorthreehavearudimentaryabilitytoimagineperspectivesotherthantheirown.10I’veseenitinmyowntwins.Whentheywerearoundeighteenmonthsold,ifmysonwascrying,hissisterwouldtrytocomforthimbygivinghimhertoydog.Butoncetheyreachedtwenty-fourmonths,ifhewascryingshewouldnolongerofferhimherownlittledog,butrealisedhewouldbemuchhappierifshepassedhimhisfavouritetoycat.Thisiswhatcognitiveempathyorperspective-taking(sometimesalsoknownas‘theoryofmind’)isallabout.Itinvolvesmakinganimaginativeleapandrecognisingthatotherpeoplehavedifferenttastes,experiencesandworldviewsthanourown.Theveryfactthatcognitiveempathydevelopsnaturallyinearlychildhood–justatthetimewhenthedistinctionbetweenselfandotherbeginstoemerge–tellsusthathumanbeingsareinherentlysocialcreaturesthatarewiredforempathy.ItisnotjustMrSpockwhoisabletoreadanotherperson’smind.

Cognitiveempathyisaboutseeingtheworldfromtheperspectiveofothers,justlikeinthis1950sarchitectureexperiment.Studentsdesignedgiantfurnituretounderstandhowachildmightperceiveandexperienceanadult-sizedroom.

Thesecondkindofempathy,‘affectiveempathy’,islessaboutthecognitiveabilitytounderstand‘whereapersoniscomingfrom’thanaboutsharingor

mirroringanotherperson’semotions.SoifIseemydaughtercryinginanguishandItoofeelanguish,thenIamexperiencingaffectiveempathy.If,ontheotherhand,Inoticeheranguishbutfeeladifferentemotion,suchaspity(‘Oh,thepoorlittlething,’Imightthink),thenIamshowingsympathyratherthanempathy.Sympathytypicallyreferstoanemotionalresponsethatisnotshared.YoumayhavenoticedthatthedefinitionofempathyIusedatthebeginningofthisbookcombinesboththeaffectiveandcognitiveelements:empathyinvolvessteppingintosomeone’sshoes,gaininganunderstandingoftheirfeelings(theaffectiveaspect)andperspectives(thecognitiveaspect),andusingthatunderstandingtoguideouractions.Inpractice,bothformsofempathyarecloselyintertwined.Thisdualdefinitionthatrecognisesboththecognitiveandaffectiveformsof

empathyhelpsclearuptwocommonconfusions.First,afrequentcriticismofempathyisthatitcanbeusedto‘manipulate’people.Theconcernhereisthataserialkillermighttrytounderstandhisvictims’mindsinordertolurethemtotheirdeaths.Butwhatthepsychopathickillerisdoingisjusttakingthecognitivestepintoanotherperson’sshoes,withoutanyaffectivesharingoftheiremotionsorconcernfortheirwelfare.Usingcognitiveinsightstomanipulatepeopleforself-interestedendscannotbeconstruedasempathybyanysensibleandcompletedefinitionoftheword.Asecondconfusionisthatpeopleoftenusethetermsempathyandcompassion

interchangeably.Whiletheyoverlapinsomeways,theyaredistinctconcepts.TheLatinoriginoftheword‘compassion’means‘tosufferwithanother ’.Thisisdifferentfromempathy,whichcanincludesharingthejoysofanotheraswellastheirsuffering.Additionally,theemphasisincompassionisonaffectiveconnectionwithothers–feelingtheiremotions–anddoesnotusuallyincludemakingacognitiveleaptounderstandhowtheirbeliefs,experiencesandviewsmightbedifferentfromourown.Compassionisalsooftenusedtorefertosympatheticemotionalresponsessuchaspityormercy,whichareoutsidetherealmofempathy.Despitethesedifferences,insomeculturalandreligioustraditionsempathyandcompassionarecloselyintertwined.Buddhistnotionsofcompassion,forexample,usuallystresstheimportanceofempathicallyunderstandingotherpeople’sperspectivesandworldviews.Overall,though,weshouldresistusingempathyandcompassionassynonyms.Thedistinctionbetweencognitiveandaffectiveempathycanhelpusthinkabout

themuch-debatedissueofwhetherwomenaremorenaturallyempathicthanmen.ThepsychologistSimonBaron-Cohenthinksso.Afterfindingthatwomengenerallyscorehigherthanmenonstandardempathytests,heboldlydeclared:‘Thefemalebrainispredominantlyhard-wiredforempathy.Themalebrainispredominantlyhard-wiredforunderstandingandbuildingsystems.’Inhisview,womenaregoodatrelationshipsandemotions,whilemenarerelativelybetterat

analyticalandmechanicaltasks.Thisgenderdivideisevidentfromearlychildhood,andcannotbefullyexplainedbyculturalforcessuchasthebarrageofgender-stereotypedtoyadvertisements,orparentalbehaviourandexpectations.11Doesthismeanthatyoushouldtossasidethebookyouarecurrentlyreading,

sinceifyouareamanthere’snopointtryingtoempathise,andifyouareawomanyouarenaturallyskilledatitanyway?Certainlynot.Forastart,studieslikeBaron-Cohen’sarenotsayingthatallwomenarebetterthanallmenatempathising,butthatthisisthecaseonaverage:acrossthespectrumtherearesomemenwhoarehighlyempathic,justastherearesomewomenwhoarenot.Moreover,mostmeasuresaredesignedtorateaffectiveempathymorethancognitiveempathy.Theirfocusisonourabilitytorespondtooneanother ’sfeelings,sotheyaskquestionslike,‘Canyoutellifsomeoneismaskingtheirtrueemotions?’or‘Doyougetupsetifyouseepeoplesufferingonnewsprogrammes?’12Thereislittleevidencethatmenandwomendiffersubstantiallyontheircognitiveabilitytostepintootherpeople’sshoes.Afinalreasontoapproachgenderdifferencescautiouslyisthattherealissueisnothowmuchempathyyouarebornwith,buttheextenttowhichyouarewillingandabletodevelopit.Enhancingyourcapacitytoseetheworldthroughtheeyesofothersismuchmoreaboutthestepsyoutakethanwhatsexyouhappentobe.Returningtothestoryofhowtheconceptofempathydevelopedinmodern

psychology,ataroundthesametimethatPiagetwasexperimentingwithdolls,researchersweremakingstartling–anddisturbing–discoveriesabouthowemotionsandsociabilitydevelopedinearlyinfancy,especiallythecapacityforaffectiveempathy.In1945,theAustrian-AmericanpsychoanalystRenéSpitzconductedoneoftheworld’sfirststudiesofmaternalandemotionaldeprivation,intwoverydifferentchildren’shomesintheUnitedStates.Thefirstwasanorphanagewherethebabieswerekeptcleanandwellfed,but–aswascommoninfoundlinghomesatthetime–theyhadminimalphysicalandemotionalcontactwiththeircaregivers.Thenursesrarelypickedthemup,andsheetswereevenhungbetweenthecotstopreventthespreadofgerms.Theyspentthedayinalmostcompleteisolation,withvirtuallynohumanstimulation.Andthisiswhathappened:despitehavinggoodphysicalcare,thirty-fouroftheninety-onebabiesdiedbeforetheyturnedtwo.Theotherchildren’shomewasinaprison,buteachdaytheconvictedmotherswereallowedtovisittheirbabies,andholdandplaywiththem.Hygienestandardsmaynothavebeenashighintheprison,butnoneofthebabiesdied.Twoyearslater,Spitzmadehispointevenmoregraphicallyinafilmshowingbabieswhoweregigglingwhentheyfirstarrivedatanorphanage,butwithinweekshadbecomedazedandforlorn,gnawingstrangelyontheirhandsandlosingweight,andafterjustafewmonthshadbeenreducedtoemaciated,expressionlessandmotionlessshells.13

Spitz’sshockingresearchrevealedthathumanaffectionmaybeevenmorecriticaltosurvivalthanfoodandshelter,orwasatleastofequalimportanceinourhierarchyofneeds.HisworkwastakenastepfurtherbytheBritishpsychiatristJohnBowlby,whose‘AttachmentTheory’attemptedtoexplainwhatSpitzhaddiscovered.Inthe1950sBowlbyshowedthatachild’searlyrelationshipwithitsmother(orprimarycaregiver)wascriticalforemotionalandmentaldevelopment.Ifaninfantdoesnotreceivedeepaffection,particularlyinitsfirstyearoflife,‘thereisriskforhisfuturehappinessandhealth’.14Thisisafoundationalperiodwhenababystartslearningthebasicskillsofhumancommunication,suchasreadingfacialexpressions,andalsohowtoidentifyandregulateitsownfeelings.Whenaninfantisdeprivedofsecureattachment–orifthereisafearoflosinganattachmentfiguresuchasaparent–inlateryearstheycandeveloparangeofproblematicbehaviourpatterns,fromanxietyandemotionaldetachmenttoaggressionandsociopathictraits.Soifapersonhashadunresponsiveoremotionallyunavailableparentsininfancy(forinstanceparentswholetthebaby‘cryitout’whendistressed)thismayimpactontheirsensitivitytostress,resultinginoutburstsofviolentbehaviour.15Bowlby’sworkwasadirectchallengetotheFreudians,manyofwhomremained

obsessedwiththeideathatweareprimarilydrivenbyourindividualmaterialandsexualdesires.Incontrast,Bowlbyshiftedthinkingabouthumannature,suggestingthattheneedforcompanionshipandsociabilitywasatthecoreofourbeings,orasthepsychotherapistSueGerhardtdescribesit,‘everyhumanbeingisbornseekinganemotionalconnection,anattachmenttoaprotectiveadultwhowilltuneintohimandrespondtohim’.16Bowlby’sresearch,togetherwiththatofotherpsychologistssuchasMaryAinsworth,alsoofferedtwovitalinsightsintoourunderstandingofempathy.First,lackofsecureattachmentstuntsthedevelopmentofempathy,especiallytheabilitytomaketheemotionalconnectionwithotherpeople’sfeelings,whichisthebasisofaffectiveempathy.Second,oneofthemosteffectivewaystonurtureemotionalcapacitiessuchasempathyinchildrenistoshowthemempathyasaparent.AsthepsychologistAlanSroufeexplains:

Howdoyougetanempathicchild?Yougetanempathicchildnotbytryingtoteachthechildandadmonishthechildtobeempathic,yougetanempathicchildbybeingempathicwiththechild.Thechild’sunderstandingofrelationshipscanonlybefromtherelationshipshe’sexperienced.17

Bowlby’sideasonattachment,despitebeinghighlycontroversialatthetime,havebecomewidelyacceptedtodayamongstchildpsychologistsandparentingexperts.Butforanybodyinterestedindevelopingtheirempathy,theymightcomeasdisappointingnews.Ifwewerenotdousedwithaffectionandempathyasinfants,doesthatmeanwehavelittlechanceofexpandingourempathyasteenagersor

adults?Isittoolatetobecomehomoempathicusfortheestimatedoneinthreepeoplewhogrewupwithoutsecureattachmentrelationships?18Fearnot.Eventhoughthefirstyearsoflifeareanintenseandconcentratedtime

forwiringtogetherthecircuitsinourbrains,itiscertainlystillpossibletoextendourempathyaswegetolder.Itjustgetsthatbitharder,sincewehavedevelopedhabitualwaysofresponding,thinkingandbehavingthatareresistanttoexercisingourempathicimaginations.AsBowlbyobserved,‘changecontinuesthroughoutthelifecycle’–intherightcircumstances,withtherightstimulus,wecanovercomethelimitsofinsecureattachment.19Runninginourfavouristhatweallhavealatentempathicpotentialthathasbeenbuiltintousbyourevolutionaryhistoryandgeneticmake-up.Andthatleadsustothenextstageinthestoryofhowwediscoveredhomoempathicus.Followingtheadvancesmadeinpsychologyinthe1940sand1950s,inthelasttwodecadesevolutionarybiologistsandneuroscientistshavebeenattheforefrontofexplosivenewinsightsintotheoriginsandnatureofempathy.

Getintouchwithyourinnerape

In1902,PeterKropotkin–whowasbothananarchistrevolutionaryandanotedscientist–wroteabookcalledMutualAid:AFactorofEvolution.AcountertoorthodoxDarwinianideasaboutthecompetitivestruggleforexistence,Kropotkinarguedthatcooperationandmutualaidarejustasimportantascompetitionintheevolutionaryprocess.Heshowedhowmostanimalspecies,fromantstopelicans,frommarmotstohumans–exhibitcooperativetendenciessuchassharingfoodandprotectingoneanotherfrompredators,whichenablethemtosurviveandflourish.Wildhorsesandmuskoxen,forinstance,formaringaroundtheiryoungtoshieldthemagainstattackingwolves.20WhenMutualAidwasfirstpublished,Kropotkinwasconsideredaneccentric,but

hewasjustacenturyaheadofhistime.Todayhisviewshavebecomemainstreamamongstevolutionarybiologists,manyofwhombelievethatempathyisoneofthekeystounderstandingthecooperativestoryheidentified.ProminentamongstthemistheDutchprimatologistFransdeWaal,whohasbeenvotedoneofthe100World’sMostInfluentialPeopleTodaybyTimemagazine.Butwhyshouldachimpexperthavereceivedsuchanaccolade?Becausehisresearchsincethemid-1990shasturnedtheoldHobbesianandDarwinianpictureofhumannatureonitsheadbyshowingthatempathyisanaturalcapacityinarangeofanimalssuchasgorillas,chimps,elephants,dolphins–andhumanbeings.DeWaalhasdonemorethanalmostanyoneontheplanettoalertustotheexistenceofhomoempathicus.IaskeddeWaalwhyhewassointerestedintheevolutionofempathy.‘Noone

deniesthathumansareaggressive–infactIconsiderusoneofthemostaggressive

primates,’hetoldme.21Buthebelievesweshouldequallybewarethinkingaboutourselvessimplyaskillerapes.‘Wehavebeenfedalotofnonsenseaboutbeinginherentlyaggressiveandpredestinedtowagewar,’hesaid.Indeed,hepointsoutthatwearegeneticallyveryclosetothepeaceful,hippy-likebonobo,whichexhibitsstrongerempathictraitsthanotherprimatessuchaschimpanzees.‘Empathyissecondnaturetous,’accordingtodeWaal,‘somuchsothatanybodydevoidofitstrikesusasdangerousormentallyill.’22DeWaalarguesthatempathyissobasictothehumanspeciesanddevelopsat

suchayoungage–asthepsychologyresearchbyBowlbyandPiagetrevealed–thatitisunlikelythatitonlyemergedwhenourlineagesplitofffromapes.Becauseofoursharedancestry,wecanlearnaboutthelongevolutionaryhistoryofempathyinhumansbystudyingitinourprimaterelatives.Theevidenceforempathyinotherspeciesisnowoverwhelming,deWaal

explainedtome.‘Sincethe1990s,somanystudieshavebeenconductedbyothersandbymyownteamthatitisgettinghardtokeepup.Wehavecollectedthousandsofobservationsofso-calledconsolationbehaviourinchimpanzees.Assoonasoneamongthemisdistressed–haslostafight,droppedoutofatree,encounteredasnake–otherswillcomeovertoprovidereassurance.Theyembracethedistressedchimportrytocalmhimorherwithakissandgrooming.’ThisisjustthekindofemotionalsensitivitythatwasobservedbyprimatologistDianFosseywhenshespentthirteenyearsinthe1970sand1980slivingwithgorillasinthemistyrainforestsoftheVirungaMountainsincentralAfrica.Buthowdoweknowtheseresponsesarereallybasedonempathy,ratherthan

someotheremotion?DeWaalhaslittledoubtthatempathyisatwork,apointhemakeswithastoryaboutabonobochimpnamedKuni,whofoundawoundedbirdthathadhittheglasswallofherenclosureinTwycrossZooinEngland.Kunitookthebirdupatreetosetitfree,takingspecialcaretospreaditswingswideopenbeforethrowingittowardsthebarrieroftheenclosure.ThebirdfellshortandsoKuniguardedituntiltheendoftheday,whenitfinallyflewtosafety.FordeWaal,itwasaperfectdemonstrationofputtingyourselfinanother ’sshoes.‘Havingseenbirdsinflightmanytimes,sheseemedtohaveanotionofwhatwouldbegoodforabird,thusgivingusananthropoidillustrationofAdamSmith’s“changingplacesinfancywiththesufferer”.’23DeWaalalsodescribedtomeoneofhislatestlabexperimentsrevealingevidence

ofaltruisticbehaviourdrivenbyempathy.Twocapuchinmonkeyswereplacedsidebyside.Oneofthemneededtobarterwiththeresearchersusingsmallplastictokens.Thecriticaltestcamewhenitwasofferedachoicebetweentwodifferentlycolouredtokenswithdifferentmeanings:onetokenwas‘selfish’,theother‘pro-social’.Ifthebarteringmonkeypickedtheselfishtoken,itreceivedasmallpieceofappleforreturningit,butitspartnergotnothing.Thepro-socialtoken,ontheother

hand,rewardedbothmonkeysequallyatthesametime.Themonkeysgraduallybegantopreferthepro-socialtoken,showinghowmuchtheycaredabouteachother ’swelfare.Thiswasnotbasedonfearofpossiblerepercussions,deWaalexplained,becausetheyfoundthatthemostdominantmonkeys–whohaveleasttofear–wereactuallythemostgenerous.Thisexperimentresembledoneofthemostfamousearlydemonstrationsof

animalempathy.In1964,psychiatristJulesMassermanreportedthatrhesusmonkeysrefusedtopullachainthatgavethemfoodifitalsogaveanelectricshocktoacompanion.Onemonkeystoppedpullingthechainfortwelvedaysafterseeinganothermonkeyreceiveashock–itliterallystarveditselftopreventharmtooneofitsfellows.24Fromhisdecadesstudyingprimates,deWaalarguesthatempathyprobably

developedinhumansfortworeasons.First,toensurethatwerespondtotheneedsofouroffspring:ifamotherdidnotreactappropriatelytothehungercriesofherchild,theinfant’slifewouldbeputinjeopardy.‘Duringthe180millionyearsofmammalianevolution,’saysdeWaal,‘femaleswhorespondedtotheiroffspring’sneedsout-producedthosewhowerecoldanddistant.’Second–echoingKropotkin–tosustainthemutualassistancerequiredforindividualandgroupsurvival:inharshprimitiveenvironments,forexample,empathyenabledhumanstocooperatetomakesureeveryoneinthecommunityhadenoughtoeat.‘Effectivecooperationrequiresbeingexquisitelyintunewiththeemotionalstatesandgoalsofothers,’observesdeWaal.25Hisideasontheimportanceofcooperationintheevolutionaryprocesshavebeenbolsteredbythegrowingevidencethatcooperationevenexistsonthecellularlevel.Someoftheearliestbacteriaformedstringswherecertaincellsineachfilamentwoulddieinordertonourishtheirneighbourswithnitrogen.26DeWaalisnotcontent,however,withburyinghisfindingsinacademicjournal

articles.LikehispredecessorPeterKropotkin,whothoughtthatsocietyshouldbeorganisedonamorecommunalandcooperativebasistoreflectthecooperativetendenciesinhumannature,deWaaltoobelievesthathisworkhasimplicationsforhowtodesignthekindofsocietythatcanmakeusthrive:

Ican’tstandthemanyreferencestobiologybyconservativesintheUnitedStates.Theyusebiologyasaconvenientjustificationfortheirpolicies,sayingthatsincenatureisbasedona‘struggleforlife’weoughttobuildoursocietiesaroundselfishnessandcompetition.Theyreadintonaturewhattheywantto,andIfeelitismytasktopointoutthattheygotitallwrong.Therearemanyanimalsthatsurvivethroughcooperation,andourownspeciesinparticularcomesfromalonglineofancestorsdependentoneachother.Empathyandsolidarityarebredintous,sothatoursociety’sdesignoughttoreflectthissideofthehumanspecies,too.

Inhisview,itisamistaketoconsiderthefreemarketeconomyassomehow‘natural’.Infact,‘youneedtoindoctrinateempathyoutofpeopleinordertoarriveatextremecapitalistpositions,’hecontends.27DeWaalalsobelievesthatempathy

hasthepowertoerodeourculturesofviolenceandracism,andexpandtheboundariesofourmoralconcern.‘Empathyistheoneweaponinthehumanrepertoirethatcanridusofthecurseofxenophobia,’accordingtodeWaal.‘Ifwecouldmanagetoseepeopleonothercontinentsaspartofus,drawingthemintoourcircleofreciprocityandempathy,wewouldbebuildingupon,ratherthangoingagainst,ournatures.’28DeWaal’sresearchisthestuffofparadigmshifts.Intheseventeenthcentury,

GalileoshockedEuropeansocietybydemonstratingthattheearthwasnotatthecentreoftheuniverse,withthesunandplanetsrevolvingaroundus.DeWaalhasrevealedsomethingjustasrevolutionary:thathumannaturedoesnotsimplyrevolvearoundself-interest.Empathyisatthecentreofwhoweare.Homoempathicushasroamedtheearthforhundredsofthousandsofyears.Ourtaskistocreatethekindofworldthatenables,ratherthanhinders,theflourishingofourempathicselves.

Dissectingtheempathicbrain

Thankstoinsightsfromchildpsychologistsandprimatologists,wehavetakenhugestridesinourunderstandingofempathyduringthelastcentury.TheconventionalHobbesiandepictionofhumannaturenolongerlookstenable,orevensensible.Butthereisonesourceofevidencewehaveyettotapinto:theneuralactivityinsideourbrains.Sincetheturnofthemillennium,neurosciencehasbeenthemostcreativefieldofempathyresearch.ItisnowclearthatevenThomasHobbes’sbrainwaswiredforempathy.Whathavescientistsactuallyfoundhappeninginsideourcraniums?Andwhatdotheirdiscoveriesreveal–orfailtoreveal–abouthowempathyreallyworksinhumanbeings?TheplacetobeginisinalaboratoryattheUniversityofParma,Italy,inAugust

1990.AteamofneuroscientistsledbyGiacomoRizzolattiwereconductingexperimentsonmacaquemonkeys,whosebrainshadbeenimplantedwithahair-thinelectrode.Theyrecordedthataparticularregionofthepre-motorcortexwasactivatedwhenamonkeypickedupapeanut.Then,inoneofthosebizarremomentsofscientificserendipity,theynoticedthatthesameregionlitupwhenthemonkeyhappenedtoseeoneoftheresearcherspickupanut–eventhoughthemonkeyhadnotmovedaninch.Thebrainrespondedasifthemonkeyhadgraspedthenutitself.Rizzolattiandhiscolleaguessimplydidn’tbelieveit.Butsubsequentexperimentsonmacaques,andalsohumans–usingfunctionalmagneticresonanceimaging(fMRI)–producedexactlythesameresults.Theyhadaccidentallydiscovered‘mirrorneurons’.Theseareneuronsthatfire

upbothwhenweexperiencesomething(suchaspain)andalsowhenwesee

somebodyelsegoingthroughthesameexperience.Peoplewithlotsofmirrorcellstendtobemoreempathic,especiallyintermsofsharingemotions.AccordingtoRizzolatti,‘mirrorneuronsallowustograspthemindsofothersnotthroughconceptualreasoningbutthroughdirectsimulation’.EminentneuroscientistVilayanurRamachandranhascomparedthediscoveryofmirrorneuronstoCrickandWatson’sdoublehelixrevelation:‘IpredictthatmirrorneuronswilldoforpsychologywhatDNAdidforbiology.’29Oneofthemostimportantfiguresincontemporarymirrorneuronresearchis

ChristianKeysers,headoftheSocialBrainLabattheNetherlandsInstituteforNeuroscience,whohasworkedaspartofRizzolatti’steaminParma.Iaskedhimtoexplainwhatmakesmirrorneuronssosignificant:

Thequestionthatfascinatesmeishowweunderstandothers.Ioftenjustlookatmywifeintheface,andinstantlyknowhowshefeels(andthuswhetherI’mintroubleornot…).Hollywoodmoviesareagoodexampletoo:yourheartbeatsfasterasyouwatchatarantulacrawlonJamesBond’schestinthemovieDrNo,yourhandssweatandyourskintinglesunderthespider’slegs.Effortlessly,youfeelwhatBondfeels.How?Thisiswhatwehavefoundinourdiscoveryofmirrorneurons:ourbrainmirrorsthestateofotherpeople.Understandingwhattheyfeelthenbecomesunderstandingwhatyounowfeelintheirstead.Neurosciencehasdiscoveredempathy.Letmebeboldandsaythatthistellsusanewstoryabouthumannature.AsWesternersinparticular,

wearebroughtuptocentreourthinkingonindividuals–individualrights,individualachievements.Butifyoucallthestateofyourbrainyouridentity(andIwould),whatourresearchshowsisthatmuchofitisactuallywhathappensinthemindsofotherpeople.Mypersonalityistheresultofmysocialenvironment.Thefateofotherscoloursmyownfeelings,andthusmydecisions.Iisactuallywe.Neurosciencehasputthe‘we’backintothebrain.Thatisnotaguarantee(andmywifewillagree)thatsomeofmyactionsarenotegoisticandselfish,butitshowsthategoismandselfishnessarenottheonlyforcesthatdirectourbrains.Wearesocialanimalstoadegreethatmostdidn’tsuspectonlyadecadeago.30

Canyoufeelthisspidercrawlingacrossyourownskin?

Theexistenceofmirrorneuronssuggestsaradicalredefinitionofwhatitmeans

tobehuman:theboundariesoftheselfextendfarbeyondourskinandbonephysicality.IfKeysersandhiscolleaguesareright,weareinaperpetualstateofVulcanmind-meldwithoutevenrealisingit,ourbrainsconstantlymirroringwhatwesenseintheworldaroundus,whetheritisthefaceofacryingchildoraspidercrawlingacrossJamesBond’schest.Ourneurologicalwiringalsoshapesourethicalbehaviour,suchasourcapacitytofollowtheGoldenRule.‘Neuroscienceshowsusthelimitsofournaturalempathy,’arguesKeysers,‘soethicsthatsuggest“treatothersastheywouldliketobetreated”arehardertofollowthanethicsthatsuggest“treatothersasyouwouldliketobetreated”.’Whilemirrorneuronsareundoubtedlyfascinating,theyarejustthebeginningof

ourunderstandingoftheempathicbrain.Indeed,someresearchersbelievetheyarereceivingmoreattentionthantheydeserve.Thisisinpartbecausemirrorneuronstudiesgenerallyfocusonhowweshareemotions(affectiveempathy)morethanperspective-taking(cognitiveempathy),givingusalopsidedaccountofhowempathyfunctionsattheneurologicallevel.Butitisalsobecause,inthewordsofHarvardpsychologistStevenPinker,thediscoveryofmirrorneuronshascreated‘anextraordinarybubbleofhype’.Neuroscientistsandsciencejournalists,hepointsout,

havetoutedmirrorneuronsasthebiologicalbasisoflanguage,intentionality,imitation,culturallearning,fadsandfashions,sportsfandom,intercessoryprayer,and,ofcourse,empathy.Aweeproblemforthemirror-neurontheoryisthattheanimalsinwhichtheneuronswerediscovered,rhesusmacaques,areanastylittlespecieswithnodiscernibletraceofempathy.31

CambridgepsychologistandautismexpertSimonBaron-CohenislesscriticalthanPinker,yetneverthelessurgescaution.‘Somepeoplearequicktoassumethatmirrorneuronsalonecanbeequatedwithempathy,’saysBaron-Cohen,butinrealitythemirrorneuronsystem‘maysimplybethebuildingblocksforempathy’.Mirrorneurons,forinstance,areinvolvedinmimicry–likewhensomeoneyawns,weinvoluntarilydosotoo,orwhenwearefeedinganinfant,theyopentheirmouthandwemayopenoursaswell.But‘empathyseemstobemorethanjustthisautomaticmirroring,’suggestsBaron-Cohen.Rather,itinvolvesanactiveengagementinunderstandingsomeone’semotionsandmentalstates,andhowtheyrelatetoourown.Baron-Cohen’sbigidea–andonethatisbecomingtheconsensusinthefield–is

thatmirrorneuronsareonepartofamuchmorecomplex‘empathycircuit’comprisingatleastteninterconnectedbrainregions.Ifanyoftheseregionsgetdamagedordonotdevelopproperly,thenournaturalempathiccapabilitiesmaybecomeimpaired.OnefamousneurologicalpatientknownasS.M.,whohasveryspecificamygdaladamage,isunabletorecognisetheemotionoffearinotherpeople’sfaces,despitehavingotherwisenormalintelligence.Similarly,peoplewithborderlinepersonalitydisorders,whotypicallyhavelowlevelsofempathy,may

havesmallerthanaverageamygdalas,alackofbindingofneurotransmitterstooneoftheserotoninreceptors,andrelativelylittleneuralactivityintheorbitalfrontalcortexandthetemporalcortex.32NeuroscientistsattheUniversityofWashingtonhaveextendedourunderstanding

ofthecircuit.Theyhavefoundcorebrainareascloselyassociatedwithcognitiveorperspective-takingempathy,whichstimulateactivityinregionsknownastheposteriorcingulate/precuneusandtherighttemporo-parietaljunction.Inpracticethismeans,forexample,thatparticularpartsofthebrainareactivewhenwethinkaboutgettingoneofourfingerspinchedinadoor,butwhenwethinkaboutthishappeningtoanotherperson,alongsidesomeofthesamepain-processingregionsbeingactive,thereareothercognitiveempathyhotspotsthatareswitchedon.Accordingtotheresearchers,thesedistinctivewaysinwhichourbrainsrespondtoourownandotherpeople’spainrevealsthat‘empathydoesnotinvolveacompleteSelf-Othermerging’,andmaybe‘whatallowsustodistinguishempathicresponsestoothersversusourownpersonaldistress’.33NeurologistandeconomistPaulZakfillsoutthepicturefurtherwithresearch

showingthatthehormoneoxytocin(theonethatmothersreleasewhentheirbabyisbreastfeeding,butwhichisalsopresentinmen)cangenerateempathicaction.Oxytociniswellknownforitssocialeffects.Studiesofprairievoles,whichmateforlife,showthattheyreleasemoreoxytocinduringsexthanothervolespeciesthatdonotmateforlife;blockingthehormoneinprairievolespreventstheformationoflong-lastingpairbonds.Whenitcomestohumanbeings,particularsituations,suchasseeingsomeoneinmoderatedistress,triggerthereleaseofoxytocininthebrain–togetherwiththeneurochemicalsserotoninanddopamine–whichthenpromptsustosocialengagement.HecallsthistheHumanOxytocinMediatedEmpathy(HOME)circuit.Highstresscanblockoxytocinrelease,aresponsethatmakescompletesense,arguesZak,since‘ifweareindirestraitsourselves,wecan’teasilyaffordtoinvesttimeandresourcesinhelpinganother ’.Butinnormalcircumstances‘oxytocingeneratestheempathythatdrivesmoralbehaviour ’.Peoplewithoutoxytocinshowahighdegreeofselfishnessandself-interest,andlowlevelsofempathicconcern.Whileoxytocinandempathyappearcloselyrelated,somescientistsstressthattherelationshipbetweenthemishighlycontext-andperson-specific,sodon’timaginethatsprayingalittleoxytocinonyouraggressivebosswillimmediatelytransformhimorherintoabeaconofempathy.34Sowheredoesallthisresearchlead?Weneedtorecognisethecomplexityof

empathyprocessesinthebrain.Phenomenasuchasmirrorneuronsareonlyonepartofalarger‘empathycircuit’thatenablesustoconnectwithotherpeople’sminds.Neurosciencehascertainlymadegreatprogress:itwouldhavebeenimpossibletoimagine,justacoupleofgenerationsago,thatwecouldpinpointpartsofthehumanbrainthatwereresponsibleforempathising.Butthetruthisthatweare

stillattheearlieststagesofknowinghowitallreallyworksandrelatestoeverydaybehaviour.35Armedwithourbrain-scanningmachines,wearelikethefirstastronomersintheseventeenthcentury,whowereabletoseenewstarswiththeirpowerfultelescopesbutwerefarfromhavingacompleteunderstandingaboutwhattheyweremadeof,orwhyandhowtheymoved.Ourgreatestdiscoveriesabouthomoempathicusmaybeyettocome.

Canwelearntobemoreempathic?

Addingtogetherthisaccumulationofevidenceandinsightsfrompsychology,evolutionarybiologyandneuroscience,thereislittledoubtthatwearesocialcreaturesdefinedbyourcapacitytoempathise.Accompanyingourself-seekingHobbesiansideisourVulcanotherhalf.Wearebothserpentsanddoves.Buttheremaybeanigglingworryatthebackofyourmind,whichiswhetherit

reallyispossibletobecomemoreempathic,andexpandyourabilitytolookthroughotherpeople’seyes.Mightyourempathiccapabilitiesbefundamentallylimitedbythekindofbrainyouhappenedtobebornwith?Orwhatifyoudidn’treceiveenoughnurturingcareasaninfanttodevelopdeepempathicsensitivity?Onthesequestionsthereisoverwhelmingagreementamongsttheexpertsthatour

personalempathyquotaisnotfixed:wecandevelopourempathicpotentialthroughoutourlives.Ourbrainsaresurprisinglymalleableor‘plastic’,enablingustorewireourneuralcircuitry.36Empathicabilityisalittlelikemusicalability–partnatureandpartnurture.Somepeoplejustseemtobebornwithinnatemusicalskills–they’vegotperfectpitchorcanpickupalmostanyinstrumentandplayitbeautifully.Butmusicalityisalsolearned.Itisbestifwestartyoung,yetmostpeoplecouldstilllearntoplaytheguitarprettywellatforty-five,aslongastheyputintheefforttopractise.Andthatishowitiswithempathy.Psychologistshaverepeatedlyshownthatadultscantapintotheirlatentempathic

abilitiesbymakingaconsciousefforttofocusonthemindsofothers.InoneexperimentdesignedbyAdamGalinskyandGordonMoskowitz,agroupofUScollegestudentswereshownaphotographofayoungAfrican-Americanmanandtoldtowriteashortnarrativeaboutatypicaldayinhislife.Onethirdofthem–thecontrolgroup–weregiventhisinstructionandnomore.Onethirdwereadditionallytoldtoactivelysuppressanystereotypicalpreconceptionstheymighthaveabouttheperson.Andthefinalthirdweregivenanempathicperspective-takinginstruction:‘Imagineadayinthelifeofthisindividualasifyouwerethatperson,lookingattheworldthroughhiseyesandwalkingthroughtheworldinhisshoes.’Theresultwasthattheperspective-takersshowedthemostpositiveattitudestowardstheirsubject,followedbythesuppressorgroup,thenthecontrolgroup.The

experimentwasrepeatedwithaphotoofanelderlywhiteman,withthesameoutcome.37Inanotherfamousstudyofthetransformativepowerofperspective-taking

empathy,C.DanielBatsonaskedtwogroupsofstudentstolistentoataperecordingofayoungwomanindistressbecauseherparentshadrecentlybeenkilledinatragiccaraccident.Thefirstgroupweregiventheinstructiontolistenobjectivelytothefactsintherecording,whilethesecondgroupwereaskedtoimaginetheexperiencesandfeelingsofthewomaninvolved.Thesecondgroupwereshowntohavehigherlevelsofreportedempathyforherthanthefirst.Moreover,whensubsequentlyaskedtohelpherraisefundstocareforhersurvivingyoungerbrotherandsister,membersofthesecondgroupgavemuchmoregenerously.Inoverthreedecadesofresearch,Batsonhasconsistentlyfoundthat‘perspective-takinghasprovedeffectiveininducingempathynotonlyfortotalstrangers…butformembersofstigmatisedgroups’,andthatittendstoproducemoralor‘pro-social’helpingbehaviour,ratherthanleavingpeopleunmoved.38Thiskindofresearchsuggeststhatitisamistaketobelievewearetheprisoners

oftheempathicabilitieswewerebornandraisedwithinourearlyyears.Rather,mostpeopleareabletoexpandtheircapacityforempathythroughouttheirlives–especiallytheircognitiveorperspective-takingempathy–bypractisingmindfulattentiontowardsotherpeople’sfeelingsandexperiences.Ourcapacityfordoingsohasbeenconfirmedbystudiesofempathytrainingfor

doctors,whoareoftencriticisedforbeingtooclinicalandemotionallydetachedfromtheirpatients.In2010,doctorsataBostonhospitaltookpartinaprogrammeinwhichtheywereadvisedtopaygreaterattentiontothechangingexpressionsontheirpatients’faces(forinstancewhethertheyshowedanger,contempt,fearorsadness),totakenoteofvoicemodulations,andtomakesimplechangessuchasfacingthepatientratherthantheircomputerscreensduringaconsultation.Afterjustthreeone-hourtrainingsessions,doctorswhowentthroughtheprogrammeshowedvastlyimprovedempathylevels.Theirpatientssaidthesedoctorsmadethemfeelmoreatease,showedgreatercareandcompassiontowardsthem,andhadabetterunderstandingoftheirconcerns.Thedoctorstoocouldseethebenefits.Afterspendingadayputtingtheprogramme’smethodsintopractice,onehospitaldoctorreportedthatwhileitwasinitiallydifficulttoempathisewiththepatientwhilesimultaneouslymakingherdiagnosis,eventuallyit‘becamefun’andembodiedthekindofpersonalinteractionthathadinitiallydrawnherintomedicine.39Thereisalsoagrowingbodyofneuroscienceresearchshowingthat

‘compassiontraining’–whichispartlyfocusedonenhancingempathy–canshifttheneuralconfigurationofcertainbrainregionsandleadtoincreasedpro-socialbehaviour.Inonestudyco-designedbyMatthieuRicard,aworld-renownedFrenchBuddhistmonkwithaPhDinmoleculargenetics,participantstookpartinatraining

broadlybasedonBuddhistmeditationtechniques.Theworkshopincludedpracticessuchassittinginsilenceandmentallyfocusingattentionandpositivefeelingsfirstonthemselves,thenonabelovedperson,aneutralperson,apersontheyhavedifficultieswith,andfinallyallhumanbeings.Theresultofthetrainingwastoincreasebrainactivationinareastypicallyassociatedwithsocialconnectedness.Itwasalsofoundtoreversefeelingsofemotionaldistressafterthetestsubjectshadwatchednewsanddocumentaryvideosofpeoplesufferinginsituationssuchasnaturaldisastersorduetopersonalinjury.Thiskindofresearchremainsinitsinitialstages:itisonlyinthelastdecadethatneuroscientistshavebeenwillingtoteamupwithBuddhistmonksandtaketheirpracticesseriously.Moreover,thestudiestendtofocusonwomen,whichskewstheresultsaswomenaregenerallymoreresponsivetocompassiontrainingthanmen.Nevertheless,itisclearthatourbrainsaresurprisinglymalleablewhengivenappropriatestimulus.40Sothereisnothingtostopusfromturningourpersonalempathicdevelopment

intoalife-longpractice.Yetthereislittledoubtthat–aswithmusic–wearemostopentolearningwhenweareyoung.Thereareplentyofmethodsoutthereforteachingviolinorpianotochildren,buthowdoyougoaboutteachingthemempathy?PictureastateprimaryschoolinLewisham,SouthLondon.Theeight-year-old

pupilsaresittingonthefloor,fixatedbyababyonamatinthemiddleoftheirclassroom.Theyareobservinghercloselyandtalkingaboutwhatshemightbefeelingorthinkingatthatmoment,andwhyshesuddenlystartedcrying.Afterwardstheydoanactivityaboutreadingemotionsbyimitatingthefacialexpressionspeoplemakewhentheyareupset,happy,afraidorshy.Thisleadsontoarole-playaboutbullying,beforethebabyleaveswithagiftmadebythechildren.ThisiswhathappensinaRootsofEmpathyclass,theworld’smostsuccessful

andinnovativeempathyteachingprogramme.ItwasfoundedasacharityinCanadain1995byparentingexpertMaryGordonand,sofar,overhalfamillionchildrenagedfivetotwelvehavetakenpart,andthenumbersaregrowingfast.TheoriginalityofRootsofEmpathyisthis:theteacherisababy.Eachclass

‘adopts’ababy,whovisitsthemregularlyoverthecourseofaschoolyearwithitsmotherorfather.Togetherwithaninstructorfromtheprogramme,thepupilswatchthebaby’sunfoldingdevelopment,discussingitsemotionalresponsesandchangingviewoftheworld,aswellastherelationshipithaswithitsparents.Theyalsodoempathy-basedartanddrama,whichhelpsthemmaketheleapfromtryingtounderstandthebaby’sfeelingsandperspectives,totryingtounderstandthoseoftheirclassmatesandthewidercommunity.

ARootsofEmpathyclass.Theteacherisonthemat.

‘It’sveryeasytolookatRootsofEmpathyandthinkit’scute,’saysGordon,‘butletmeassureyouit’sbeyondcute.’Whilethebaby-centredteachingmodelisunique,therealpointaboutRootsofEmpathyisthatitworks.Multiplestudieshaveshownthatitdramaticallyreducesplaygroundbullying,encouragescooperation,improvespupils’relationshipswiththeirparents,andevenbooststheirgrades.StudiesinScotlandin2010foundthattheprogrammeincreasedchildren’s‘pro-socialbehaviour ’–suchassharingandhelping–by55percent,promptingtheScottishgovernmenttoexpandRootsofEmpathyacrossthenation,especiallyintoschoolsinlow-incomeareasandthosefacingproblemswithbullyingandaggression.Thekeytotheprogramme’ssuccess,Gordontellsme,istheemphasisonexperientiallearning:itisbasedonrealhuman-to-humancontactratherthantraditionalbooklearning.41Educationexpertsincreasinglyrecognisethatteachingempathyskillsisnotjusta

‘nice-to-have’addedextra,butdeservestobeatthecoreofthecurriculumalongsidereading,writingandarithmetic.MaryGordonbelievesthatempathyeducationisvitalforchildren’swellbeing,andisacornerstoneofemotionalintelligence.Yetshealsohasamoreambitiousvision,andthinksthatitisessentialforcreatinganewgenerationofglobalcitizenswhowillcareabouttacklingtheworld’ssocialandpoliticalproblems,fromchildpovertytoarmedviolence.‘DuringtheNurembergTrials,’shepointsout,‘oneofthejudgesdescribedthewarcrimesasafailureofempathy.Empathyisintegraltosolvingconflictinthefamily,schoolyard,boardroomandwarroom.Theabilitytotaketheperspectiveofanotherperson,toidentifycommonalitiesthroughoursharedfeelings,isthebestpeacepillwehave.’42

Re-framingyourmind

Mostofuswerenotluckyenoughtohaveababyteachusempathyatschool,sowehavetofindotherwaystosparkourempathicpotential.Thefirststepistomakeahabitofswitchingonourempathicbrains.Andthatmeanstuningintoanewunderstandingofhumannature.Yes,homoself-centricusisaliveandkickingwithinus,butitistimetocatchupwiththescienceandrecognisethathomoempathicusisjustasmuchapartofwhoweare.Wepossesscomplexbrainsthatarewiredforbothindividualismandempathy.Ourindividualisticwiringhasbeenemphasised,encouragedandpushedintotheforegroundforthreelongcenturies.Let’snowgiveourempathiccircuitrytheopportunityitdeservestostandalongsideitsrival,acknowledgingthatwearetheproudpossessorsofsocialbrains.ThetaskbeforeusistochangewhatthecognitivelinguistGeorgeLakoffcalls

ourmental‘frame’.Framesarestructuresinourmindsthatshapethewaywelookattheworld.Theyareburieddeepinourcognitiveunconscious,writesLakoff,andinfluence‘thegoalsweseek,theplanswemake,thewayweact,andwhatcountsasagoodorbadoutcomeofouractions’.43InWesternsociety,thedominantframeforthinkingabouthumannaturehasbeentheideathatwearefundamentallyself-interested.Itsinfluenceissopervasivethatwecanhardlyseeit.Schoolchildrenareimmersedinacultureofcompetitiveindividualismandrewardedmuchmorefortheirpersonalachievementsthantheircapacitytocooperatewithothers.Companiesassumethattheiremployeeswillworkharderifgivengreaterfinancialincentives,despiteevidencetothecontrary.44Governmentsarguethatpublicserviceswillimproveiftheyareopentomarketcompetition.Asindividuals,webelievethatourwellbeinghingesonsatisfyingourpersonalambitionsandlifestyledesiresfarmorethanondedicationtosocialcausesandcommunityprojects.Wenowneedtoabsorbandinternaliseadifferentframe,whichistheideathat

empathyliesatthecoreofourbeingscheek-by-cheekwithself-interest.Thequestionishowtoalterourframeofthinking,orworldview,sothatthismorescientificallyaccuratepictureofhumannaturebecomesembeddedinourbrains.Learningaboutthescienceisagoodstart.Butitisalsousefultosharpenourdailyawarenessofitsreality.Aneffectivewaytodothisistodrawonamethodusedincognitivebehaviouraltherapy,whichistomakeamentalnoteeverytimeyounoticeaninstanceofempathicthinkingoractioninyourselforothers.Maybeyouwillspotyourbossmanagingtoseesomeoneelse’spointofview,orobserveempathiccooperationbetweenyourchildren.Thinkofitasbecomingan‘empathydetective’.Overtime,yourobservationswillbuilduptoapictureofhumankindthatdefiesthedominantculturalmessage.Themorewelookforempathywithoursocialantennae,themorewewillbeabletoseeit,anderodethenarrowmentalframewehaveinheritedfromtheideasofHobbes,Smith,DarwinandFreud.Wecanalso

developanawarenessofwhatkindsofcontextsbringoutempathyinourselvesandothers.Arewelesslikelytoempathisewithpeoplewhenwearestressedorinarush?Arewemoreempathicwithfamily,friendsorstrangers?Thiskindofdetectiveworkcanhelpusunderstandthatempathyisnotafixedpersonalitytrait:itcanriseandfalldependingonthesituation,andwecantrainourselvestogetbetteratit.Switchingonourempathicbrainsisjustthebeginning.Withanewstoryabout

humannatureplantedfirmlyinourpsyches,wearepoisedtodeveloptheotherfivehabitsofhighlyempathicpeople.Themomenthascometostepoutsidetheresearchlabsofpsychologists,biologistsandneuroscientists,andintotheeverydayworldofhumanrelationships.

HABIT2MAKETHEIMAGINATIVELEAP

Ifempathyissogoodforus,whydon’twedoitmore?

Empathyisnowacknowledgedasanessentialingredientofhumanwellbeing.Ithelpstocreatethehumanrelationshipsthatgiveourlivesmeaning,andexpandsourmentallandscapessowehavenewperspectivesontheworldandourownlives.‘Asignofhealthinthemind,’wrotethepsychoanalystDonaldWinnicott,‘istheabilityofoneindividualtoenterimaginativelyandaccuratelyintothethoughtsandfeelingsandhopesandfearsofanotherperson;alsotoallowthatpersontodothesametous.’1Yetifempathyissogoodforus,andifitiswireddeepintoourbrains,whydon’t

wedoitmore?Thereasonisthatwefacefourfundamentalsocialandpoliticalbarriersthatblockthefullexpressionofourempathicimaginations.Theirnames?Prejudice,authority,distanceanddenial.Ifwearetostandachanceofgettingbeyondthem,wefirstneedtograsphowtheypreventusfromsteppingintoothers’shoes.Wecanthenturntohighlyempathicpeopleanddiscoverwhatittakestojumpthebarriers.Theirsecretisthis:toconsciouslystrivetomaketheimaginativeleapintootherpeople’smentalworlds,whetheritisthatofasulkingchild,asurlysupermarketcashier,oranoldmaninanAfghanvillageglimpsedontheeveningnews.2Iwouldliketoexplainexactlyhowtheydoitwithassistancefromthreepeoplewhounderwentsurprisingempathictransformations:aheavy-drinkingandwomanisingindustrialist,amotherwhosufferedaterriblepersonaltragedy,andalawyerwhoshedhisprivilegedbackgroundandtookupnursing.Theywillbeourguides,inspiringustoexpandourimaginationsandtuneintothefeelingsandthoughtsinotherpeople’sheads.Beforemeetingthem,however,wemustexplorethefourbarrierstoempathy,and

prepareourselvestodefythem.

Prejudice

Havealookatthisphotographandgiveyourselfthirtysecondstotakeinallyoucanaboutit.Whatcanyousayaboutthemanitdepicts?Whenandwherewasthe

phototaken?Howishefeeling?Whatkindsofinterestsandviewsmighthehave?

Haveyougotthemeasureofhimnow?Thenletmerevealthephotograph’soriginalcaption.TheimagewastakenbytheBritishphotojournalistThurstonHopkinsin1951andwastitled‘EmrysJones,minerandprincipaltenoroftheWelshNationalOperaCompany’.Thatcaptionsurprisesmostpeople.Mypointissimple:thevastmajorityofus

haveassumptionsandprejudicesaboutothers.Wearepronetostereotyping,makingsnapjudgementsbasedonfirstimpressions,andcasuallyprojectourbiasesandpreconceptionsontopeoplewhileknowingverylittleabouttherealityoftheirlives.Wemakeclichédassociations,forinstancethatminersare‘uncultured’,thathedgefundmanagersarearrogantandselfish,orthatJewsaretightwiththeirmoney–aprejudicethathassurvivedoverfivehundredyears.Wealsofrequentlyusecollectivelabelsthatmaskpeople’sindividuality,like‘yobs’,‘toffs’,‘hoodies’,‘fundamentalists’,‘nerds’.Theselabelstendtodenigrateothers,placingtheminaconvenientboxthatmakesitdifficulttoappreciatetheirhumanityanduniqueness,orthepersonalstoriesbehindtheircircumstances.Oneresultofsuchstereotypingisthatwearesooftenmistakeninourjudgements

aboutothers.TakethisexamplefromtheAustraliannovelistNikkiGemmell,recallinganencounterinaLondoncarpark.

We’veall,Isuspect,beenguiltyofalackofempathyatsomepoint.Ihave.I’mnotproudofit…London,fiveyearsago.December,3pm,skygloomingdown.Runninglate,andcold.Grumpy?Ohyes.AMuslimmanwalkingtowardsme,beardedandrobed.Thepaperswerefullofwarningsthatal-Qa’idawasplanningaChristmasterrorcampaignfocusingonpeopletravellingthroughthefestiveseason.Let’sjustsayIwasn’tfeelingparticularly…openatthatmoment.Mywholebeingwasonehugeflinch;theremayevenhavebeenascowl.‘Wouldyoulikemyparkingticket,madam?’‘Pardon?’‘I’vegotseveralhoursleftonitandI’mgoing.Please.Haveit.’Well,stunmewithkindness.Ilookedrightintothatgood

man’sface,properlythistime.SawnotaMuslimbutafellowhumanbeingbeamingnothingbutcompassion,friendliness.3

Thinktoyourselfhowoftenyouhavebeenplainwrongaboutsomeonebecauseyouwerelookingatthemthroughthedistortinglensofprejudiceandstereotype.Iusedtoregularlyseeadishevelledhomelessmanwhospenthisdaysmutteringcrazilytohimselfandpickingupcigarettebutts–itneveroccurredtomethatourlivesmightconnect.ButonedayIspoketohim(hisnamewasAlanHuman)andfoundouthehadstudiedphilosophyatOxfordUniversity,andweembarkedonafriendshipbasedonourmutualinterestinNietzsche,Marxandpepperonipizza.4ItwasafriendshipthatIhad,foryears,beenwalkingstraightpastinignorance.Icouldfillthispagewithplentymoreexamples.Somepopularpsychologybooks,suchasMalcolmGladwell’sBlink:ThePower

ofThinkingWithoutThinking,arguethatweareactuallyveryskilledatmakingquickjudgementsaboutothers–suchaswhetherwearecompatiblewithsomeonewemetforjusttwominuteswhilespeeddating–andoughttomorereadilytrustourinstincts.Butourinstinctscaneasilybeinfectedbyassumptionsinheritedfromsocietyandculturethathavepenetrateddeepintoourpsyches.Gladwelladmitsthat‘ourunconsciousattitudesmaybeutterlyincompatiblewithourstatedconsciousvalues’.Thishelpsexplainphenomenasuchasthefactthatwhilefewwhitepeopleacknowledgetheyhaveprejudicesagainstblackpeople,theevidencedefiesthis:whetherconsciouslyornot,whitejobinterviewersregularlydiscriminateagainstblackapplicantsinarangeofemploymentfields.5Perhapsthemostinsidiousstereotypinghasbeenaproductofpolitical

ideologies.TheBritishEmpirewasbuiltonthecolonialistnotionthat‘civilised’whitesweresuperiorto‘barbarian’non-whites,whetherinAfrica,IndiaorAustralia.TheNazisnotoriouslycreatedtheracialcategoryUntermensch–subhuman–inwhichtheyplacedJewsandGypsies.Stereotypingremainsastapleofcontemporarypolitics.InAustralia,politiciansfromacrossthespectrumfrequentlyrefertoasylumseekersas‘illegals’,despitethefactthattheAustralianRefugeeCouncilandtheUNpointoutthatthisisaninaccuratetermsincethereisnothingillegalaboutseekingasylum.AccordingtoDonWatson,anAustralianexpertonpoliticallanguage,thereasonpoliticiansusewordssuchas‘illegals’istodenigrateasylumseekersandrefugeesintheeyesofthepublic:

Ifyouwantedtodisenfranchiserefugees,andleavethepublicthinkingtheyhavenorights,thencallthem‘illegal’overandoveragain.Ifthefirstthingthatentersyourheadisaclichéorsomekindofprejudiceorsomelinethathasbeendrummedintoyou,youcanguaranteethatthere’snoroomforanythingelseuntilyougetthatclichéout.Soifyou’reconstantlybeingtoldthatthesepeopleare‘illegals’,thenthatwilldoyouforthinkingaboutrefugees.Italsohelpskeepanykindofempathyatbay,sopeopledon’thavetoimagineitweretheirfamilyinthesituationofanasylumseeker.6

Whatallstereotypinghasincommon,whetheritisaproductofpolitics,religion,nationalismorotherforces,isanefforttodehumanise,toeraseindividuality,topreventusfromlookingsomeoneintheeyeandlearningtheirname.Theconsequenceistocreateacultureofindifferencethatempathyfindsdifficulttopenetrate.Unfortunatelywecannotswitchourprejudicesandassumptionsaboutothersoff

likealightswitch,fortheyaretypicallyfartooembeddedinourpersonalpsychologicalhistories.Butwecancertainlyerodetheirpoweroverus,asubjectIwillreturntowhendiscussinghowtomaketheimaginativeleapofempathy.

Authority

Asidefromprejudice,oneofthegreatestobstaclestoempathyisthehumantendencytoobeyauthority.Throughouthistory,thoseinvolvedinmassacres,genocidesandotherrightsviolationshavedefendedthemselveswiththeclaimthat‘Iwasjustfollowingorders’.Themostfamousofthem,AdolfEichmann–oneofthechiefarchitectsoftheHolocaust–claimedathistrialin1961thatheborenoresponsibilityforhisactionsbecausehewassimply‘doinghisjob’.InherstudyEichmanninJerusalem,thepoliticaltheoristHannahArendtpointedoutthathewasnopsychopathormonsterbutratherafairlytypicalindividualwho‘didhisduty’and‘notonlyobeyedorders,healsoobeyedthelaw’.AccordingtoArendt,‘ThetroublewithEichmannwaspreciselythatthereweresomanylikehim,andthatthemanywereneitherperverted,norsadistic,thattheywere,andstillare,terriblyandterrifyinglynormal.’Thisattitudeembodiedwhatshecalled‘thebanalityofevil’.7WasNaziGermanyanexceptionalera?Orisobediencetoauthorityamore

universalhumantrait?PsychologistStanleyMilgramwantedtofindout.InthesameyearthatEichmannwasputontrial,heconductedoneofthemostcontroversialexperimentsinthehistoryofsocialpsychology.MilgraminvitedstudentsandlocalresidentsaroundYaleUniversityinNewHaven,Connecticut,totakepartinwhattheyweretoldwasastudyoftheeffectsofpunishmentonimprovingmemoryandlearning.Undertheguidanceofan‘experimenter ’inagreylabcoat,eachparticipanttookontheroleofthe‘teacher ’andwasaskedtoreadoutpairsofwordslike‘strongarm’and‘blackcurtain’,whichcouldbeheardbya‘learner ’situatedinanotherroom.Ifthelearnermadeanerrorwhenrepeatingbackthewordpairs,theteacherwasinstructedtoadministerthemanelectricshock.Witheachincorrectanswer,thestrengthoftheshockwasincreased.Thewholeexperimentwasactuallyacompletefabrication:thelearnerwasanactor,whodidnotreceiveanyelectricshocks,butthiswasnotrevealedtotheparticipantsuntillater.Whenaparticipanthesitatedinflickingtheelectricswitch,theexperimenterwouldsaythingslike,‘Itis

importantthatyoufollowtheprocedureexactly’or‘Youhavenochoice,youmustgoon.’Milgramcouldnotbelievetheresults:65percentofpeoplekeptadministering

theshocks,evenwhentheyheardthelearnercryingoutinpainandpleadingforthetesttostop,sayingthingslike,‘Experimenter!That’sall.Getmeoutofhere.ItoldyouIhadhearttrouble.’Onlytwomonthsaftertheexperimentsbegan,Milgramwasclearabouthisconclusions:

Theresultsareterrifyinganddepressing…Inanaïvemomentsometimeago,IoncewonderedwhetherinalloftheUnitedStatesaviciousgovernmentcouldfindenoughmoralimbecilestomeetthepersonnelrequirementsofanationalsystemofdeathcamps,ofthesortthatweremaintainedinGermany.IamnowbeginningtothinkthatthefullcomplementcouldberecruitedinNewHaven.Asubstantialproportionofpeopledowhattheyaretoldtodo,irrespectiveofthecontentoftheact,andwithoutpangsofconscience,solongastheyperceivethatthecommandcomesfromalegitimateauthority.8

The‘Milgramtest’isoftencitedasdefinitiveevidencethatempathicconcerniseasilyoverpoweredbyobediencetoauthority.9Yetweshouldwewaryaboutjumpingsoquicklytothisconclusion.Forastart,flippingaroundtheresult,afull35percentofparticipantsactuallydefiedtheexperimenterandwalkedoutofthelabbeforethetestwasfinished,eventhoughtheyhadbeenpaidtotakepart,andwereundertheinstructionofaveryofficial-lookingresearchscientistattheaugustinstitutionofYaleUniversity.Moreover,whenMilgramadjustedtheexperimentslightly,theresultschangeddramatically.BydoingthetestatofficesinanearbytownratherthanintheimposingYalelab,theobediencefigurefellfrom65percentto48percent.Whenthelearnerwasvisibleinanadjoiningroom,60percentofpeoplebrokeoffthetest,afigurethatroseto70percentwhenthepunishmentrequiredphysicallyplacingthelearner ’shandonanelectricshocktemplate.Whentheparticipantwasaccompaniedbytwoactorsplayingfellowteachers,andwhobothdisobeyedtheexperimenter,90percentofthoseparticipantsalsodisobeyed–solidarityappearedtogivethemtheconfidencetodefyauthority.Fewparticipantsfollowedwithoutmisgivings–manybittheirlipsandevengroanedastheexperimentprogressed.Othersmadetheirempathicconcernmoreexplicit:whentoldbytheinstructortoincreasethevoltage,onepersonreplied,‘Idon’tthinkI’dliketotakethatmyself,whathe’stakingrightnow,’andpromptlybrokeofftheexperiment.Subsequentattemptstoreplicatethetestbyotherpsychologistsshouldalsomake

uscautiousaboutMilgram’sresults.Whilesomehaveobtainedsimilarobediencelevels,othershavenot.SeveralUSstudieshaverevealedanobedienceratenotof65percentbutaslowas30percent,whileatestinAustraliageneratedonly28percentobedience,afigurethatfelltojust16percentwhenthetestsubjectswereallwomen.10

Allthisvariationtellsusthatobediencetoauthorityisnotsimplyaninnatetraitembeddedinhumannature,butisratherhighlysensitivetocontextandculture.Thiswas,infact,Milgram’sownbelief.‘Thesocialpsychologyofthiscentury,’hewrote,‘revealsamajorlesson:often,itisnotsomuchthekindofpersonamanisasthekindofsituationinwhichhefindshimselfthatdetermineshowhewillact.’11Ontheotherhand,wemustacceptthatthedispositiontoobeyauthoritylieswithinmostofus.Welearnitatanearlyagefromparentsandteachers,andslowlyabsorbacultureofobedienceaswegrowup,tellingourselvesthatweshould‘obeythelaw’,‘followtherules’,orsimply‘behave’,whetheritisintheworkplaceoronthefootballpitch.Wealltooeasilyinternalisesubmissiontoauthorityandabandonourempathicinstincts.Whatmakeshighlyempathicpeopleunusualistheirdesireandcapacitytodefyauthoritywhenempathicactioncallsforit.

Distance

Theplanetseemstobeshrinking.Thereare,accordingtotheurbanmyth,onlysixdegreesofseparationbetweeneachofus.Wehavebeenunifiedlikeneverbeforebyaglobalnetworkofinternetconnections,mobilephonesandsatellitereceivers.AyoungwomaniskilledonademonstrationinCairoandwithinhours,thankstoTwitterandotheronlineplatforms,hundredsofthousandsofpeoplearoundtheworldhaveseenherphotoandknowhername.Andyetspatialdistanceremainsabarriertothespreadofempathy.Whenwedo

notknowpeople,whentheirlivesarefarawayandunfamiliar,ourcapacitytocareaboutthemismoredifficulttoignite.Manyphilosophers,amongstthemPeterSinger,arguethatdistanceshouldnotaffectourmoraljudgements:weoughttofeeljustasobligedtohelpastarvingchildinAfricaastorescueachilddrowninginfrontofoureyesatthelocalpark.12Butotherthinkersrecognisehow,inreality,distancediminishesourmoralconcern.AdamSmithwasawareofthisintheeighteenthcentury:

LetussupposethatthegreatempireofChina,withallitsmyriadsofinhabitants,wassuddenlyswallowedupbyanearthquake,andletusconsiderhowamanofhumanityinEurope,whohadnosortofconnectionwiththatpartoftheworld,wouldbeaffecteduponreceivingintelligenceofthisdreadfulcalamity.Hewould,Iimagine,firstofallexpresshissorrowforthemisfortuneofthatunhappypeople,hewouldmakemanymelancholyreflectionsupontheprecariousnessofhumanlife…Andwhenallthisfinephilosophywasover,whenallthesehumansentimentshadbeenoncefairlyexpressed,hewouldpursuehisbusinessorhispleasure,takehisreposeorhisdiversion,withthesameeaseandtranquillityasifnosuchaccidenthadhappened.Themostfrivolousdisasterwhichcouldbefallhimselfwouldoccasionamorerealdisturbance.Ifhewastolosehislittlefingertomorrow,hewouldnotsleepto-night;but,providedheneversawthem,hewouldsnorewiththemostprofoundsecurityovertheruinofahundredmillionofhisbrethren,andthedestructionofthatimmensemultitudeseemsplainlyanobjectlessinterestingtohimthanthispaltrymisfortuneofhisown.13

Notmuchhaschanged.WhetheritisanearthquakeinChinaormillionsontheedgeofstarvationintheHornofAfrica,themajorityofpeoplefindithardtobemovedtoactionbynewsreportsoftragiceventsinfarawayplaces.Equally,whendistanceshieldsusfromtheconsequencesofouractions,weseemcapableofalmostanything:thepilotwhodroppedthefirstatomicbombonHiroshimainAugust1945neversawthefacesofthe140,000victims,andlatersaidthatheperformedhistaskwithoutanyfeelingsofguiltorremorse.14Formostofus,ourstrongestmoralandempathictiesarewithfamilyand

membersofourimmediatecommunity(though,ofcourse,somepeoplehavelittlelovefortheirsiblingsorparents).IreadilyadmitthatIcarefarmoreaboutmyyoungtwinsthanaboutanynumberofvictimsinChina’slatestearthquake.ThismaybewhytheConfucianethicofren,orbenevolence,appearssointuitivelyattractive.Theideaisthatourgreatestethicalobligationsshouldbetoourkin,andthengraduateoutwardstoourfriendsandneighbours,thensocietyatlarge,thenallofhumankind,inever-expandingcircles.Thoseattheperipheryhavelessclaimonourcompassion.WhileIdonotagreewiththisasaprinciple,Idobelieveitisareasonablyaccurateempiricaldescriptionofhowmanypeople’sethicsfunctioninpractice.Yetdistanceisnotmerelyaspatialphenomenon:socialdistanceisjustasmucha

barriertoempathicconnection.Wemay,forinstance,haveabiastowardsempathisingwithpeoplewhosociallyresembleusinsomeway,suchaseducationalbackground,ethnicityorreligion.‘Farfrombeingaguidetowhatisright,empathyoftenleadsusastray,’writesthehistorianofscienceMarkHonigsbaum,‘aswhenjudgesgoeasieronwhite-collarcriminalswhosharetheirsocialbackground.’15Mirroringthisphenomenon,wemightfailtoempathisewiththosewhoaresociallydistant,eveniftheylivenextdoor.Thatiswhyhighlyempathicpeoplestrivetoovercomethisbarrier,andmakeasustainedefforttolookthroughtheeyesofstrangersandpeoplewhoareoutsidetheir‘in-group’.Apartfromspatialandsocialdistance,athirdform,temporaldistance,also

weakensthepossibilitiesforempathy.Weworryaboutthewelfareofourchildrenorgrandchildren.Butthebondsstartbecomingweakerwithrespecttoourgreat-grandchildren,andbecomealmostcompletelyabsentwhenweconsidertheprospectsforpeopleacenturyfromnowtowhomwearenotrelated.HoweasilycanweimaginehowateenagerlivinginBelfastorMumbaiin2100mightthinkandfeelaboutglobalwarming,andhowmuchdowereallycare?Itissodifficulttoprojectourselvesintotheirlivesandtoexperienceaprofoundemotionalconnection.TheevolutionarybiologistJ.B.S.Haldaneacknowledgedtheproblemoftemporaldistancewhenhequipped,onlyhalfjoking,‘Iwouldhappilydieforthreeofmychildrenorsixofmygrandchildren.’Ourabilitytoempathisethroughtime

remainsrudimentary,stuckintheearlieststagesofpsychologicalevolution.Thismaybeoneofhumankind’sgreatestmoralfailings.Theempathicchallengeweface,therefore,istoclosethisdistanceasmuchas

possiblesothatthosewhoarefarawayfromusacrossspace,timeandsocialbackgroundaredrawnintoourcircleofcaring,enablingustotouchthemmoreeasilywithourimaginations.

Denial

Howoftenhaveyoulookedatanewspaperphotoofastarvingchildinadistantcountry,orcivilianvictimsofwar,andhadlittleemotionalorempathicresponse?Acommonexplanationforthisphenomenonisthatwesufferfrom‘compassionfatigue’or‘empathyfatigue’,astateofpsychologicalexhaustionbroughtaboutbythebarrageofdepressingnewsstoriesandimagesfromeverycorneroftheplanet.16CulturalcriticSusanSontagdescribedsomethingakintothiswhenshewrotethat‘imagesanesthetize’:wehavenowseentoomanyphotosofhungry,gauntchildrenforthemtomakemuchofadifferenceanymore.Wehavebecome,inthewordsofPinkFloyd,comfortablynumb.17AdeeperexplanationofempathyfatigueisgivenbysociologistStanleyCohenin

hisbookStatesofDenial.Hearguesthatweareproductsofa‘cultureofdenial’thatallowsmostofustoknowaboutatrocitiesandsufferingyetalsoblockthemoutanddonothing,‘turningablindeye’aswesay.‘People,organizations,governmentsorwholesocietiesarepresentedwithinformationthatistoodisturbing,threateningoranomaloustobefullyabsorbedoropenlyacknowledged,’hewrites.‘Theinformationisthereforesomehowrepressed,disavowed,pushedasideorreinterpreted.’Weliveinatwilightbetweenknowingandnotknowing.18Whydoweoftenretreatintoastateofdenialthatcurtailsempathy?Perhapswe

donotwanttoknowbecauseoftheshameorguiltwefeelforhaving,bycontrast,suchprivilegedlifestyles.Sometimesweturnawaybecausewedonotwishtoadmitthatwemightbesomehowresponsible,eitherthroughouractsoromissions.Humanbeingsareparticularlyskilledatprotectingthemselvesbyinventingconvenientreasonswhytheyneednottakeactiontorelievethesufferingofothers.Forexample,wemightfeelforfloodvictimsinBangladesh,buttellourselvesthatthereislittlepointdoinganythingaboutitsinceourindividualactionswouldnotmakeanydifferencetosuchahugeproblem,orbecauseanymoneywedonatecouldbemisusedbyaidagenciesandcorruptlocalofficials.Highlyempathicpeopleareacutelyawarethatsuchreasoningmaywellbeaformofdenialdesignedtorelievethemofasenseofguiltormoralresponsibility,andwhichposesthedangerofeatingawayatthecoreoftheirempathicselves.

ThefourbarriersIhavedescribed–prejudice,authority,distanceanddenial–areformidableobstacles.YetIamhopefulthatmostofuscandefythemandturnourselvesintohighlyempathicpeople.Whysuchoptimism?Itisessentialtorecognisethatthebarriersareprimarilyinventionsofculture,societyandpolitics,ratherthantraitsdeeplyembeddedinhumannature.Thismeanswecan,asindividualsandsocieties,findwaystochallengethem.Wemayhavebeeneducatedwithprejudicesbutitispossibletorejectthedehumanisinglabelswewereimplicitlytaughttoapply.Empathymustcontendwiththepowerofauthority,butthehistorybooksarefullofdissentaswellasobedience.Wecanovercomedistancewhenwehearthepersonalstoriesofstrangerslivinginotherlands.Wecanchoosetoengagewithsufferingratherthandenyit,drawingonourinnerstrength,integrityandcuriositytoavoidtheluresofdenial.Havinglookedsquarelyatthebarriers,wearenowsettofindwaystogetpast

them.Ithinkittakesthreestepstomaketheimaginativeleapofempathy:wemusthumanisethe‘other ’,thendiscoverwhatweshare–andwhatwedon’t–withpeople,andfinallyweneedtoempathisewithourenemies.

Humanisethe‘Other’

Empathywithersanddieswhenwefailtoacknowledgethehumanityofotherpeople–theirindividualityanduniqueness–andtreatthemasbeingsoflessthanequalworthtoourselves.Thatsoundsobvious.Butwhatdoesitreallymeantotreatsomeonewithhumanity,orwhatphilosophersdescribeashumanisingthe‘other ’?19Andhowexactlydoyoudoit?AnswersemergefromthelifeofOskarSchindler,whometamorphosedfrombeingaboisterousNazibusinessmanwithatasteforfinecognacandvoluptuoussecretaries(hewasaserialadulterer),intooneofthemostrenownedofallHolocaustrescuers.WhatmakesSchindler ’scasesofascinatingisthathistransformationwasutterly

unexpected.AtthebeginningoftheSecondWorldWarhewasafullypaid-upNazi.AsaloyalpartymemberheworetheHakenkreuz(swastika)pinnedtohislapelandwasaninformantfortheAbwehr(militaryintelligence).SchindlertookadvantageoftheexpropriationofJewishbusinessesinoccupiedPolandbystartingupanenamelwarefactoryinKrakow,whichproducedequipmentforGermansoldiers.HehadnoqualmsaboutusingforcedJewishlabour,whose‘wage’waspaiddirectlyintothehandsoftheSS,sinceitwasfarcheaperthanemployingPolishworkers.SchindlerspenthiseveningsschmoozingwithtopNazicommandersandbureaucrats,plyingthemwithdrink,gettingthemgirls,andofferingthembribestoobtainthemilitarycontractsthatkepthisprofitmarginhealthyandallowedhimtheluxuryoffatcigarsandfinedouble-breastedsuits.

Schindlerwasnotaviciousanti-SemitelikeHitlerorGoebbelsbutrather–likesomanyothers–hadanindifferentattitudetowardsJewsandsawthemasananonymousmasswhohecouldeasilyexploitforhisownends.Nobodyin1940couldhavepredictedthatbytheendofthewar,hewouldberiskinghisownlifeandpayinghugebribestosavehisJewishfactoryworkersfromexterminationinAuschwitz.Whatexplainshisradicalconversion?SomethingveryinterestinghappenedtoSchindlerintheinterveningyears:hebegantoseeJewsashumanbeings.ItallstartedwithhisJewishaccountant,ItzhakStern.Whatwasoriginallya

formalbusinessrelationshipslowlyturnedintoafriendship.‘SternwastheonlyfatherconfessorOskarhadeverhad,’accordingtoThomasKeneallyinhismeticulouslyresearcheddocumentarynovelSchindler’sArk.Throughtheirdailyconversations,SchindlerfoundoutaboutStern’slifeandtraumaticexperienceslivingintheCracowghetto–thestarvation,thefear,therandomshootingsbyGermansoldiers.TheresultwastotransformStern,inSchindler ’seyes,frombeingjustoneamongstmanyemployeesintoauniqueindividual.Itwasanindividualitythathebeganextendingtohisotherworkers,learningtheirnamesanddiscoveringtheirownstoriesofpersecution.Schindlerexperiencedamomentofempathicepiphanyon8June1942,whenhe

washorseridingwithhismistressIngridonahillsideoutsideCrakow.LookingdownintotheghettotheycouldseeanSSAktioninprogress–asystematicefforttocleartheghettoofJews.Peoplewerebeingherdedoutoftheirhomes,mauledbydogs,beatenandshotatpoint-blankrangeinthestreets.ItwasnotjustthatthisgrossslaughtersickenedSchindler,butthathenoticedayounggirldressedinaredcoatandcap,wanderingamongstthemayhem,somehowdefyingtheSSguardsontherampage.Hesawtheredgirlstopandwatchwhileasoldierjammedhisfootontotheskullofaboyandshothiminthebackoftheneck.Somehowthisgirl,forSchindler,cametorepresenttheindividualityandhumanityofCrakow’sJewishpopulation,helpingtoscorchthehorrorofNaziviolenceontohismind.‘Beyondthisday,’helaterclaimed,‘nothinkingpersoncouldfailtoseewhatwouldhappen.Iwasnowresolvedtodoeverythinginmypowertodefeatthesystem.’Andthatisexactlywhathedid.Whenthecity’sJewsweremovedinautumn1942

toanewlabourcampinnearbyPłaszów,underthecontrolofthesadisticcommandantAmonGoeth,Schindlerbribedofficialstolethimkeephisfactoryoutsideitsgates.Hemadesurehisworkerssecretlyreceivedextrarations,andthattherewerenodogsorbeatingsbySSguards.Tohelpkeepfamiliestogether,hearguedwithSSofficialsthatheneededchildworkerswhosenimblefingerscouldcleantheinsideofshellcasings,andtoldtallstoriesofhowamanwithonearmwasavaluablemachinist.

Towardstheendofthewar,whenPłaszówwasbeingcloseddownanditsinmatestransferredtodeathcampssuchasAuschwitz,SchindlerbribedGoethandothers–atenormousfinancialcosttohimself–sothathisworkersandtheirfamilieswouldbesenttoanewmunitionsfactorythatSchindlerwasbuildingacrosstheborderinBrinnlitz,Czechoslovakia.Thesewerethe1,100peoplewhosenameswereplacedonthelistmadefamousinStevenSpielberg’sfilmSchindler’sList(whichwasbasedonKeneally’sbookSchindler’sArk).OnSchindler ’sinstructions,theshellsandrocketcasingstheymadeweredefective.WhenNaziofficialscomplainedinatelegram,heexclaimedtoStern,‘It’sthebestbirthdaypresentIcouldhavegot.BecauseIknownowthatnopoorbastardhasbeenkilledbymyproduct.’20ThedramaticanddangeroustransfertoBrinnlitzyieldedtheultimateresult:when

peacewasfinallydeclared,mostofthoseonthelistwerestillalive.WhiletherearefewerthanfivethousandJewsleftlivinginPolandtoday,therearemorethansixthousanddescendantsoftheSchindlerJewsworldwide.WhydidSchindlersacrificehisfortunetosavethoseonthelist?Whydidherisk

imprisonmentandexecutiontohelpJewishfamiliesfromtheCrakowghetto?Forsomehisactionsareperplexing.‘Hismotivesyoucouldn’tguess,’remarkedoneSchindlerjudensurvivor.21Couldhehavebeendrivenbyreligion,likesomanyotherHolocaustrescuers?22Unlikely:Schindlerwas,likehisfather,anegligentCatholic.Ithinkhisessentialmotivewassummedupinaremarkhemadewhenaskedtoexplainhisactions:‘Iknewthepeoplewhoworkedforme.Whenyouknowpeople,youhavetobehavetowardsthemlikehumanbeings.’23Thereinliesthedeceptivelysimpleanswer:knowingpeople.Schindler ’sstory

tellsusthattheactofempathisingbeginswithlookingsomeoneintheeye,givingthemaname,andrecognisingtheirindividuality.Itisaboutacknowledgingtheirhumanityindefianceofprejudicesandstereotypes;itisaboutrefusingtoobeyauthoritieswhocommandustodenigratethem.Thepoweroftreatinganindividualwithhumanityisthatitcanbeasteppingstonetoempathisingwithawidercircleofpeople,ashappenedtoSchindler,whosepersonalrelationshipwithSternandotherworkershelpedbondhimtothesufferingofJewsmoregenerally.24Schindleralsoremindsusthatourabilitytoempathiseisnotfixedbutcanchangeanddevelopthroughoutourlives:eventhemostunlikelypeoplecan,intherightcircumstances,maketheimaginativeleap,andbeinspiredtotakeactionasaresult.NoneofthismeansthatSchindlerwasanunalloyedsaint–atagoftenappliedto

HolocaustrescuerssuchasRaoulWallenberg.Especiallyearlyinthewar,hehadmoreselfishmotives,andwasusingJewishlabourandprotectingworkersbecausetheywereessentialtotheprofitabilityofhisbusiness,andhemayhave‘saved’someyoungJewishwomenbecausehewasattractedtothem.Inthatsense,his‘humanitarian’actionsstartedoutasaveryrealisticmixtureofbothpersonalandaltruisticmotives.

OskarSchindlerwasanextraordinarypersonlivinginextraordinarytimes.Butthemessageofhislifeisnowmorepertinentthanever.AcrossEuropetodayaresurgenceofright-wingpopulismisraisingtheoldspectreofanti-Semitism,anddiscriminationagainstGypsies(Roma)andMuslims.Moreover,neoliberalindividualismandtheerosionofpublicservicesiscreatingacultureofuncaringthathasnotbeenseensincethenineteenthcentury,whereweareincreasinglyimmunetosocialtragediessuchaschildpoverty.Thedangeristhatwebecomebystanderstohumansuffering.OskarSchindler,forallhisfaultsandcontradictions,wasnobystander.OneofthemanyhumanitarianaccoladesSchindlerreceivedafterthewarwasthe

MartinBuberPrize,namedaftertheAustrian-bornJewishtheologianandphilosopherwhohadfledNaziGermanyinthe1930s.Buber ’sideas,morethananyothertwentieth-centurythinker,capturetheessenceoftheimaginative,empathicactofhumanisingthe‘other ’.InhisbookIandThou,Buberdescribestwoformsofrelationshipwecanengage

in.Onehereferstoas‘I–It’,whichiswhenwetreatotherpeopleasobjects,asan‘it’withouthumanityorindividuality.Thisoccursespeciallywhenweusederogatorystereotypestolabelpeople,orininstancesofprejudice.AsecondformofrelationshipBubercalls‘I–Thou’.Thisinvolvestreatinganotherpersonasauniquebeingequaltoyourself,andattemptingtolookattheworldthroughtheireyesandtocomprehendtheirthoughtsandfeelings.HespeaksofanI–Thoudialogueasaneffortto‘comeintorelation’withothersanddiscoverwhotheyreallyare.Wecanonlybecomefullyhuman,saysBuber,whenwehave‘genuineconversations’thatembodytheI–Thouideal,andmakeanefforttoimagineotherpeople’srealities:

Iimaginetomyselfwhatanothermanisatthisverymomentwishing,feeling,perceiving,thinking,andnotasadetachedcontentbutinhisveryreality,thatis,asalivingprocessinthisman…Theinmostgrowthoftheselfisnotaccomplished,aspeopleliketosupposetoday,inman’srelationtohimself,butintherelationbetweenoneandtheother,betweenmen.25

HowcanwebringthelessonsofBuber ’sphilosophyintoourownlives,soweareable–likeSchindler–tohumaniseothersanddevelopanI–Thourelationshipwiththem?Onerouteisthroughface-to-faceconversationsthathelpusbreakthroughtheI–Itbarrier(asubjectIdiscussinanupcomingchapter).Buttherearethreeotherwayswecankick-starttheprocess.Afirststepistohumaniseourimaginationsbydevelopinganawarenessofall

thoseindividualshiddenbehindthesurfaceofourdailylives,onwhomwemaydependinsomeway.ThereligiousthinkerKarenArmstrongsuggestswedothisbyundertakingaBuddhist-inspiredpractice,wherewespendadaybecomingmindfulofeverypersonconnectedtoourroutineactions:

Whenyougetupinthemorning,rememberthosewhoplanted,pickedandspunthecottonofyoursheetsandwhocollected,treatedandexportedthebeansyougrindforyourmorningcoffee.Youenjoytheirproduct,soyouhavearesponsibilityforthem,especiallyiftheywereworkinginpoorconditions…Asyousetofftowork,reflectonthethousandsofworkersandengineerswhomaintaintheroads,cars,railways,planes,trainsandundergroundtransportonwhichyourely.Continuethisexercisethroughouttheday.26

Engaginginthispracticeisawayofdeepeninguniversalhumanconcern,arguesArmstrong.Itcan‘helpyouappreciatehowdependentyouareonotherpeopleyouhavenevermetandwhomaylivefaraway’,andultimatelyleadtoyoutakingactionontheirbehalfs.Asecondapproachistoplayimaginative‘charactergames’.Youareata

conferenceandmeetaseeminglyunemotional,hard-heartedbusinessman–thekindofpersonyoumightnaturallytreatasan‘it’.Thegameissimplytoimaginehiminadifferent,morehumanguise,forinstancewhenheisplayinghideandseekwithhisthree-year-oldsonorsingingtohiselderlymothertocheerherup.Doingthismightsubtlyalterthewayyouspeaktohim,andwhatyoudecidetotalkabout–behindthefrostyandformalexterior,hemaywellbemorelikethepersonyouareimagining.Equally,youmightseeanapparentlysullen,slouchingteenagersmokingonastreetcornerandyourprejudicerisesup;soconsiderthatshecouldbeanamazingyouthleader,oratalentedpoet.Thisexercise–aformofcreativestorytelling–canhelpgivepeopleahumanface,exposeourstereotypedviewsofthem,andopenustonewopportunitiesforconnectionandconversation.Idevelopedavariationofsuchcharactergamesafterworkingintelesalesin

SydneywhenIfinisheduniversity.Myshortandunsuccessfulcareerincludedsellingchildren’sencyclopaedias,laserprintertoner,taxadvicekitsandphotocopyingmachines.Iabsolutelyhatedthejobs.Thedutymanagerswerealwayspacingaround,gesturingtousto‘close’thesaleandberatingusforfailingtoreachoursalestargets.MostpeopleIcalledwereirritatedbytheinterruptiontotheirlives,andIwasregularlysubjecttoseriousverbalabuse.SonowwhenIreceiveatelesalescallinmyownhome,ItrytoimaginethecallerfacingthesamechallengesandharshtreatmentIdidtwentyyearsago.Ratherthanspendingtheireveningscoldcallingpeople,theywouldprobablyratherbestudyingforamaster ’sdegreeinSystemsEngineeringorvisitingtheirsisterandhernewbaby.Tryingtoimaginethelifeofthepersonattheotherendofthephonelinepromptsmetotreatthemwithrespectratherthanhanguprudelyandabruptly.ItistheleastIcandotobridgeourfacelessdigitaldivide.Afinalstrategyforhumanisingourimaginationsistoaskourselvessome

penetratingquestionsconcerningtheassumptionswemakeaboutpeople,toboostourself-awarenessandenableustoidentifyprejudicesthatmightbequietlylurkinginourminds:

Whatassumptionsdoyouthinkpeoplemakeaboutthekindofpersonyouare?Howaccuratearethey?Thinkofthreeinstanceswhenyouweremistakeninyourassumptionsandjudgementsaboutothers.Whatweretheconsequencesofyourerror,andwhydiditmatter?Howoftendoyoumakeassumptions,andaboutwhichkindsofpeople?

Tohelpusthinkaboutthelastquestion,wecantrytocatchourselvesmakingassumptionsandjudgementsaboutpeoplethroughouttheday–beitthesecurityguardatyouroffice,oryoursister ’sheavilytattooednewboyfriend.Maybeyouwillfindyourselfpresumingthataworkcolleaguewhoremainssilentduringmeetingshasnothinginterestingtosay,whichmightthenpromptyoutostrikeupaconversationwhereyoudiscovertheirrealviewsandthecausefortheirsilence.Provingourselveswrongisoneofthefastestformsofempathiceducation.Humanisingotherpeopleisonlythefirststepindevelopingthehabitofmaking

theimaginativeleapintotheirlives.Wemightcometoseethemasindividualsequaltoourselves,yetwemaystillbelackingadetailedportraitoftheirinnerworlds,theirhopes,fears,beliefsandambitions.Ifwewishtorespondappropriatelytotheirfeelingsandneeds,weshouldaimforgreaterempathicaccuracy.Wemusttakeasecondstep,whichistofindoutbothwhatwesharewithothers,andwhatwedon’t.

Discoverwhatyoushare…andwhatyoudon’t

AdamSmith’sTheTheoryofMoralSentimentswasprobablythefirsthandbookontheartofempathising.Herepeatedlystressedthatweneedtoletgoofourownegosandworkhardtoattuneourselvestothesubtlecontoursofotherpeople’semotionsandexperiences.

[T]hespectatormustfirstofallendeavourasmuchashecantoputhimselfinthesituationoftheother,andtobringhometohimselfeverylittlecircumstanceofdistresswhichcanpossiblyoccurtothesufferer…WhenIcondolewithyouforthelossofyouronlyson,inordertoenteryourgrief,IdonotconsiderwhatI,apersonofsuchacharacterandprofession,shouldsuffer,ifIhadason,andifthatsonwasunfortunatelytodie;butIconsiderwhatIshouldsufferifIwasreallyyou;andInotonlychangecircumstanceswithyou,butIchangepersonsandcharacters.Mygrief,therefore,isentirelyuponyouraccount,andnotintheleastuponmyown.Itisnot,therefore,intheleastselfish.27

WhatSmithdoesnotmentionhereisthatourcapacitytoputourselvesinotherpeople’sshoesisenhancedwhenweareabletoidentifypointsofcommonexperiencethatsensitiseustotheirmentallandscapes.Highlyempathicpeopleareengagedinaconstantsearchforwhattheysharewithotherpeople,evenwhenthosepeopleappearalientothem.Ourownsufferingisoneofthemosteffectiveconduitsintothelivesofotherpeople.Certainlyempathycanbefoundincollectivejoy–it

happenedattheravesofthe1990stomanyofthosewhopoppedEcstasypills,adruggivingthemashared,euphoricfeelingofempathicconnectionwithothersonthedancefloor(curiouslyenough,theearlydevelopersofEcstasywantedtocallitEmpathyduetoitsempathy-generatingproperties,butthoughtthisnameinsufficientlycatchy).28Thereislittledoubt,however,thatsomeofthemostprofoundformsofempathyarebuiltonthecommonexperienceofpain,anxietyandloss.That’sjustwhathappenedtothenineteenth-centurynovelistHarrietBeecherStowe.BeecherStowewasbornin1811intoafamilyofevangelicalandintellectual

Protestantpreachers.GrowingupinNewEngland,andthenmovingoutwesttoCincinnati,shehadaprivilegedupbringing,livinginwell-appointedhomesand,typicalofherclass,wasaccustomedtobeingwaiteduponbyblackservants.29Thegreatpoliticalissueofheragewasslavery.Therewasincreasingdissentin

thenorthofthecountryagainstthecrueltyandinhumanityoftheslaveeconomythatprevailedinthesouthernstates,especiallyonthecottonplantations.SomeofBeecherStowe’sbrotherswereabolitionists,buteveninthe1840s,whenthenewspaperswerefullofdebatesontheissue,shedisplayedlittleinterestinthegrowingmovementagainstslavery,andwasmoreconcernedwithexpandingwomen’saccesstoeducationandbringingupherbevyofchildren.BeecherStowewaspropelledintothepublicspotlightin1852,whenshe

publishedUncleTom’sCabin,avibrantandmovingstorythatwaseffectivelyapoliticaltractagainstslavery.By1861,ontheeveoftheAmericanCivilWar,ithadsoldanastonishingfourmillioncopies.WhenshemetAbrahamLincolnthefollowingyear,heissaidtohavegreetedherwiththewords,‘Soyou’rethelittlewomanwhowrotethebookthatstartedthisgreatwar!’Itis,undoubtedly,oneofthemostwidelyreadandinfluentialnovelseverwritten.

WhiletodaymanypeopleridiculeitssentimentaldepictionofAfrican-Americansandexcessivemelodrama,itspowerliesinrelatingthehistoricalrealityofslavery–thebuyingandsellingofhumanbeings,thebackbreakingservitude,theviolenceandbloodshed.ThatiswhyGeorgeOrwelldescribeditasa‘goodbadbook’,onethatisvaluablenotforitsliterarymeritsbutbecause‘itistryingtobeseriousanddealwiththerealworld’.Butthereisamystery.WhatdroveBeecherStowetowriteUncleTom’sCabin?

WhydidthisgenteelwhitewomanwhosecontactwithAfrican-Americanswaslargelylimitedtoherownservants,andwhohadbarelytravelledintothesouthernstates,penanovelthatmademuchofanationempathisewiththeplightofanoppressedminority?Morethananythingelse,itwasbecauseofachild.Charleywashersixthand

favourite,bornin1848.BeecherStowereferredtohimas‘myprideandjoy’,andsheopenlygavehimmoreloveandattentionthananyofherotherchildren.Butat

theageofjustayearandahalf,hediedinanoutbreakofcholerathatsweptCincinnati,killingninethousandpeople.Hergriefwasextreme.Itconsumedher,hauntedher.Shecouldnotescapethevisionofhimdyinginagonybeforehereyesasshewatchedhelplessly,unabletomitigatehissuffering.

HarrietBeecherStowe’ssonCharley,killedbycholerain1849.

Charley’sdeath,however,wasthemotivationforhertransformationintoanabolitionistandforthestoryofUncleTom’sCabin.Itwasthesingulareventthatbrokedownthebarriersandopenedhertoempathy,forshecouldnowunderstandhowblackslavewomenmightfeelwhentheirchildrenweretakenfromthemtobesold,acommonoccurrencethroughouttheslavestates.Shewrote,‘Itwasathisdyingbed,andathisgrave,thatIlearntwhatapoorslavemothermayfeelwhenherchildistornawayfromher.’Inarelatedentryinherjournalshenoted,‘IwrotewhatIdidbecauseasawoman,asamotherIwasoppressedandbrokenheartedwiththesorrowsandinjusticeIsaw.’30Thedeathofhersonprovidedasharp,excruciatinglypainfulmomentof

empathicinsight,anditisunsurprisingthatthethemeoftheseparationofmotherandchildissoprevalentinhernovel.ItwasthroughherownexperienceofsufferingthatBeecherStowewasabletostepintothelivesofpeoplewhosedailyexistence,insomanyways,wastheoppositeofherown,andtoplaysuchacrucialroleinthestruggleagainstslavery.Ifwereflectonourownlives,weallpossessdeepwellsofpainandsorrowthat

wecandrawontohelpbridgesocialdividesandcreateempathicbonds.Wemaybe

abletoconsoleafriendwhosemotherhasjustdiedbecausewehavegonethroughourowntraumaofparentaldeath.Wecanstepintotheshoesofsomeonewhoisfeelingrejectedandunconfidentafterhavingbeensackedfromtheirjobifthishashappenedtoustoo.Sharedexperiencesliketheseofferustheinsightsthathelpusputintopractice

oneofthebestknownmoralaxiomsinhumanhistory,theGoldenRule:‘Dountoothersasyouwouldhavethemdountoyou.’DuringtheAxialAge(800–300BC),theworld’smajorspiritualtraditions,includingBuddhism,ConfucianismandJudaism,alldevelopedsomeversionoftheGoldenRule.ItalsoappearsinHinduclassicssuchastheMahabharataandisacentraltenetofChristianthought.TheGoldenRuleisoftendescribedasan‘empathicprinciple’.31Butshoulditbe?

Whileitmayworkadmirablywellwhenouremotionallivesandexperiencescoincidewithotherpeople’s–especiallythrougharecognitionofsharedsuffering–whathappenswhenothers’experiences,cultureandworldviewsareverydifferentfromourown?HeretheGoldenRuleisnotenough,sincewemightenduptreatingpeopleinawaythatwouldsuitourselves,butwhichcouldbewhollyinappropriatefromtheirperspective.WeneedtogobeyondtheGoldenRuleandturntowhathasbecomeknownasthePlatinumRule:‘Dountoothersastheywouldhaveyoudountothem.’32ThescholarandjournalistRobertWrightexplainswhyitcanbesoimportantto

treatothershowthey,ratherthanyou,wouldliketobetreated.

Theworld’sbiggestsingleproblemisthefailureofpeopleorgroupstolookatthingsfromthepointofviewofotherpeopleorgroups–i.e.toputthemselvesintheshoesof‘theother’.I’mnottalkingaboutempathyinthesenseofliterallysharingpeople’semotions–feelingtheirpain,etc.I’mjusttalkingabouttheabilitytocomprehendandappreciatetheperspectiveoftheother.So,forAmericans,thatmightmeangraspingthatifyoulivedinacountryoccupiedbyAmericantroops,orvisitedbyAmericandronestrikes,youmightnotsharetheassumptionofmanyAmericansthatthesedeploymentsofforcearewell-intentionedandforthegreatergood.Youmightevengetbitterlyresentful.YoumightevenstarthatingAmerica.33

Wright’sreflectionsareareminderthattheperspectivesofsubjugatedpeopleshavelongbeenignoredbytheiroverlords.WhenIwasinhighschoolinAustraliaintheearly1980s,forexample,weweretaughtinourhistoryclassesthatBritainhadbenignly‘colonised’Australiainthelateeighteenthcentury.ButAustralia’sAboriginalpeoplestypicallydescribethissameeventasan‘invasion’–awordthatneverappearedinmyschooltextbooks.Itisonlyinrecentyearsthatnon-indigenousAustralianshavebeguntoseethearrivaloftheFirstFleetin1788throughAboriginaleyes,anexpansionoftheempathicimaginationthathasbeenverylateincoming.34Wecannotassumethatotherswillshareourmoralcodes,ourtastes,our

interpretationsoftheworld.Thatiswhyhighlyempathicpeopledonotsimplytry

todiscoverwhattheysharewithothers,butalsoactivelyattempttounderstandwhattheydon’t.Thistwo-foldsteptoensureempathicaccuracyliesatthecoreofmakingtheimaginativeleapintootherminds.Sowhenitcomestoactingontheirinsights,highlyattunedempathistsdonotjustemploytheGoldenRule,butcomplementitwithitsPlatinumcounterpart.ThePlatinumRulepresentsuswithagreaterimaginativechallengethanits

goldencousin,foritasksustoresistthetemptationofprojectingourownexperiencesandviewsontoothers.Yetitiscertainlyworthpractisingthemboth,andlearningtorecogniseinwhichcontextseachisappropriate.Theeasiestwayofdoingsoistoconductaone-monthexperiment,whereeverytimeyouactwithempathy,youmakeanoteofwhetheryouwerefollowingtheGoldenRuleorthePlatinumRule.Soonedayyoumightgiveyourelderlymotheracallbecauseyouareawareshefeelslonely,andyouwouldprobablywantsomeonetophoneyoutooinsimilarcircumstances(GoldenRule).35Butonanotherday,yourefrainfromsmokingonyourfriend’sbalconysinceyouknowshedoesn’tlikethesmellwaftingintoherapartment,evenifyouwouldn’tmindityourself(PlatinumRule).Bytheendofthemonthyouwillhavestartedtodevelopthehabitoftuninginto

bothwhatyousharewithothers,andwhereyourperspectivesdiverge,andyouwillbetheproudownerofabrainthatiswiredwithgoldenandplatinumcircuitryworthyofhomoempathicus.

Empathisewiththeenemy

‘Mylifeismymessage,’saidMahatmaGandhi,perhapsthemostradicalempathistinmodernhistory.Whatdoeshislifeteachusaboutsteppingintotheshoesofotherpeople?Gandhi’sempathicinstinctswerefirstvisibleinhispassionfornursing,whichemergedsoonafterhemovedtoSouthAfrica,agedtwenty-six,tostartworkingasalawyer.WhentheBoerWarbeganin1899,heorganisedaVolunteerAmbulanceCorpsofoverathousandIndiansfortheBritishArmy,sometimeswalkingmorethantwentymilestofetchsoldierswoundedonthebattlefield.DuringtheZulurebellioninNatal,henursedZuluswhohadbeenfloggedandleftbytheBritish,whoseregularfieldnursesrefusedtoattendthem–forGandhi,therewasnorelevantdistinctionbetweenthetwosidesintheconflict.HismoreexplicitexperimentswithempathiclivingbeganuponhisreturntoIndia

in1915.Hisfirstactwastoswaphislawyer ’ssuitandstarchedcollarsforadhoti,orloincloth,thetraditionalclothingofthepoor.TwoyearslaterGandhifoundedtheSabarmatiAshramnearthecityofAhmedabad,wherehisambitionwas‘tolivethelifeofthepoorestpeople’,asanactofsolidarityandempathicunderstanding.InbetweengivingpoliticalspeechesandspearheadingthemovementforIndian

independencefromBritain,heandhiswifeandfollowersspentyearslivingandworkinglikesubsistencepeasants,eatingonlythesimplestmeals,dwellinginsparseshelters,growingtheirownfood,andspinningtheirowncloth.Heabolishedthecastesystemontheashrams,soevenhehadtocleanthelatrines,ajobthatwasnormallyconfinedtoUntouchables(Dalits).Gandhiwasnotamanwithoutflaws:hecould,forinstance,beincrediblystubborn.Butthereisnodoubtabouthisempathiccredentials.36Gandhi’sdesiretoexperienceforhimselfthedailylifeofthepoorestIndianswas

bymanyseenasaharmlesseccentricity.Farmorecontroversialwashisinsistentadvocacyoftheneedtoempathisewithone’spoliticaladversaries.Tryingtolookattheworldthroughtheireyes–andsoappreciatingtheirvalues,motives,aspirations,andsuffering–was,hebelieved,essentialforbuildingacultureofpeaceandtolerance.ThisissuebecameincreasinglypertinentastensionsbetweenHindusandMuslimsgrewinthelead-uptoIndependencein1947.ManyMuslimswantedtheirownstate,whileGandhiabhorredtheprospectofpartitionandsupportedtheidealofaunitedIndia.AdevoutHindu,hecalledforbrotherhoodandmutualunderstanding:‘IamaMuslim!AndaHindu,andaChristianandaJew.’Hiswordsreflectedanunwaveringbeliefintheneedtoempathisewithone’senemies–whowerenotreallyenemiesbutsimplyotherhumanbeingswhoselivesandvalueswereofequalworthtoone’sown.Thehalfamilliondeathsthatoccurredduringpartitioninviolencebetween

HindusandMuslimsshowedthatthemoraldemandsofempathisingwithenemiesweretoogreatinthatturbulentmomentofhistory.SowasGandhioverlyidealistic?Shouldhehaveadmittedthedarkersidesofhumannaturethatpreventedtheempathicunderstandinghevaluedsohighly?Ithinkhewasrighttoadvocateempathisingwithoursupposedenemies.Infact,I

consideritathirdandessentialstepinmakingtheimaginativeleapintootherminds.Weshouldtrytoextendourempathybeyondtheusualsuspects–thepoorandmarginalised,thevoicelessandpowerless–andbemoreadventurousinoureffortstostepintootherpeople’sshoes.Insituationsofviolentconflict,whetherinPalestine,SyriaorSudan,long-lastingpeaceandreconciliationrequiresnotjustpoliticalagreementsbyleaders,butempathicbondsamongsteverydaypeoplesotheycanlivesidebysideasneighbours.Equallyinourpersonallives,empathywith‘theenemy’canplayacrucialhealingroleandresolvethedead-locksthatbesetourrelationships.Itmighthelpreduceantagonismwithyourboss,revivecommunicationwithasiblingyouhavenotspokentoforyears,oreasetensionswithaneighbourwithwhomyouhavebeenonperpetuallyfrostyterms.ThisapproachtoempathyhasbeenchampionedinaninternationalCharterforCompassion,drawnupin2009byrepresentativesofsixdifferentfaithgroups(Judaism,Christianity,Islam,Hinduism,BuddhismandConfucianism),whichcalls

onpeople‘tocultivateaninformedempathywithallhumanbeings–eventhoseregardedasenemies’.37Wecaneachaskourselvesthisquestion:Whoaremythreegreatest‘enemies’,andhowcouldIuseempathytostartbridgingthedividebetweenus?Forsomepeople,theideaofempathisingwithanenemy,suchasamanagerwho

hasbeenmakingyourlifehell,mightseemlikegoingtoofar.Isn’tshetheonewhoshouldbemakingtheefforttoempathisewithyou?Andwhat’sthepointofbotheringanyway,sinceshe’sunlikelytochangeherways?AccordingtoastreamofthinkinginBuddhism,agoodreasontomaketheefforttounderstandhowshemightbefeelingisthatitisasteptowardslivingamorecompassionateandcontentedlife.TheZenBuddhistmonkThichNhatHanhtellsastoryaboutaletterhereceivedconcerningayounggirlwho,asarefugeecrossingtheGulfofSiaminasmallboat,wasrapedbyaThaiseapirate.Shewasonlytwelveyearsold,andjumpedintotheoceananddrownedherself.Althoughwemightimmediatelywanttotakeagunandshoottheseapirate,saysHanh,wemuststepintohisshoesandshowcompassionforhim,becauseifwehadgrownupinsimilarcircumstances,thereisgoodchancewemayhavebecomeaviolentpirateourselves.38Ifindthisexamplealmosttooconfronting:tryingtoempathisewiththepirate

makesmystomachturn.ButanotherBuddhistthinker,StephenBatchelor,suggeststhatwecanfindthecouragetoengageinthiskindofextremecompassionthroughaprogressiveempathicmeditation,whereweimagineourselvesfirstintothelivesofafriend,thenanenemy,andthenastranger:

Startwithafriend.Imagineherasanewbornbaby,coveredinblood.Slowlyfollowherasshegrowsfromatoddlertoachildtoanadolescenttoayoungadulttothemomentyoufirstmether.Trytopicturewhatherhopesandlongingswerebeforesheevensuspectedyourexistence.Thinkofhernowassomeonewhovaluesherownideasandfeelingsinthesameinscrutablewayyouholdontoyours.Thenlookintothefutureandwatchherage,fallill,growoldanddie…Turntotheenemyandstrangeranddothesame,untilthreehumanbeingssitbeforeyou:equalinbirthandequalindeath.39

Inmyownexperience,attemptingtoempathisewithenemieshasbeenextraordinarilychallenging–yetultimatelyrewarding.ThiswasparticularlythecasewhenItravelledtoGuatemalainthelate1990stoconductresearchformydoctoraldissertation.40Ihaddecidedtostudythecountry’soligarchs–thethirtyorsofamiliesofEuropeanoriginwhodominatedtheeconomyandpolitics,andwhokeptGuatemalaimpoverished.Theyownedthebigcoffeeandsugarplantations,thebanksandmajorindustries.Theylivedluxurylifestyles,flyingaroundinprivatehelicoptersandshoppinginMiami,whilethemajorityofthepopulation,60percentofwhomwereindigenousMayans,livedinextremepoverty.TheoligarchshadalsocollaboratedwiththemilitaryinGuatemala’srecentlyendedcivilwar,inwhichthearmedforceshadkilledanestimated200,000civilians,mostlyMayans,intheirattempttorootoutleftistguerrillas.

IcertainlyhadnoempathyfortheoligarchywhenIbeganmyresearch.Quitetheopposite:Idespisedthem.Tometheywereafacelessrulingelitewhowereresponsibleforterriblecrimes,suchasfundingparamilitarydeathsquadstoassassinatetradeunionists,peasantleadersandjournalistsduringthecivilwar.Ithought,however,thatifGuatemalawasevergoingtobecomeamoreequalandlessviolentsociety,itwasvitaltospeakwiththeoligarchsandunderstandtheirpsycheandmentaloutlook,todiscoverwhatreallymadethemtick.Howdidtheythinkaboutissuessuchaspoverty,thecivilwar,andindigenouslandrights?Withoutunderstandingtheoligarchy’sworldview,Ithought,itwouldbeimpossibletodevelopeffectivestrategiestoerodetheirpower.OnceIbeganinterviewingthem,Iwasimmediatelyconfrontedbytheirracism

againstindigenouspeople.Onewomantoldmeastoryabout‘averysmall,swarthy,ugly-looking,flitty-eyedIndian’.Anothercomplainedaboutthe‘ignorance’and‘lackofambition’oftheMayanworkersonherplantation.Theywererepeatedlydescribedasbackward,deceitful,filthy,stupidandlazy.Partofmewantedtoretortuponhearingsuchstatements,butIforcedmyselftoremainsilentandtotrytostepintotheoligarchs’shoes.Theirracismwashardlysurprising:mosthadgrownupwithinasmall,inward-looking,elitecommunitywheresuchviewswereentirelynormal,havingbeennurturedforcenturies.ButmyattemptstoempathisewiththemdidnotbringonawaveofGandhiantoleranceandmutualunderstanding:Iconsideredtheirviewsdetestable.ThissituationembodiedtheproblemofwhatIcall‘empathicdissent’–howdo

youempathisewithsomeonewhoseviewsorvaluesyoudeeplydisagreewith?Itisanissuewefaceinourdailylives.Youmightbehavingdinneratafriend’shouseandoneofthegueststellsananti-Semiticjoke.Shouldyourespondbypointingoutthatthejokeisoffensivetoyou?Orinsteadcallonyourempathy,andattempttolookthroughtheeyesofthemisguidedcomictounderstandhismindset?Ithinktheansweristhatwecandoboth.Andthisraisesacrucialpointabout

empathythatisoftenmisunderstood.Nomatterwhataperson’spolitics,religionormoralcodemightbe,theprocessofempathisingdoesnotdestroythepossibilityformoraljudgement.Youcangainanunderstandingofsomeone’sworldviewwithouthavingtoagreewiththeirbeliefsorprinciples.Inevercondonedtheoligarchy’sracism,butthemoreIlearnedabouthowclosedtheirworldwas–howtheyhadbarelyanycontactwithMayanpeopleapartfromtheirmaidsanddrivers–themoreIcouldcomprehendit.Overtime,myignoranceabouttheoligarchywasgraduallyeroded,andtheseeds

ofempathybegantoflower.Witheachinterview,theybecamemoreindividual,morehuman,lessofauniformcastethatIcouldsimplylabelas‘exploiters’or‘therulingclass’.MyprejudicesagainstthemweremoststrikinglychallengedwhenIbeganhearingaccountsofhowtheirchildrenhadbeenkidnappedandsometimes

murderedbytheguerrillasandrenegadeparamilitarygroupsinanefforttoextractransommoneyfromthemduringthewar.Irememberonearistocraticwoman,speakingtomeinherpalatialhomeinagatedcompound,weepingasshedescribedhowhersonwasabducted.Iwascompletelyunpreparedforsuchrevelations:IhadneverconsideredhowthewarhadaffectedGuatemala’spowerfulfamiliesonapersonallevel.AlthoughtheyhadnotfacedviolenceonnearlythesamescaleastheMayanpopulation,theyhadundoubtedlysuffered.Andinakindofepiphany,IsuddenlyrealisedthatGuatemalawasnotasdividedasIhadalwaysimagined:boththewealthyoligarchsandtheimpoverishedindigenouspopulationcravedsomethingverysimple,whichwaspersonalsecurity.Inotherwords,therewascommongroundonwhichthecountrycouldbeunitedandrebuiltfollowingthecivilwar.Icouldneverhavedevelopedthisperspectiveonthepoliticalpossibilitiesfor

GuatemalaifIhadnotbeenwillingtotalktotheoligarchs,heartheirstories,andempathisewiththosewhoIhadlongthoughtofasenemies.Icertainlydonotthinkofmyselfanapologistfortheoligarchs,andstillconsidertheerosionoftheireconomicandpoliticalpowertobeofparamountimportance,butIbelieveIamnowlessignorantaboutthem,andamuchbetterjudgeoftheirmotivationsandactions.Andthatmaywellbethebestreasontostepintothearenaandempathisewithourenemies:althoughtheconflictsandtensionsmaynotallgetfullyresolved,wewillalmostcertainlycomeoutoftheprocessmoreinformed,lessquicktojudge,andwiseraboutbothotherpeopleandourselves.

Whatisitliketobeabat?

Inthe1970s,thephilosopherThomasNagelwroteaclassicarticlecalled‘Whatisitliketobeabat?’Hearguedthat‘ourownexperienceprovidesthebasicmaterialforourimagination,whoserangeisthereforelimited’,soweareunabletoimaginewhatitmaybeliketospendadayhangingupsidedownbyourfeetinanatticortohavewebbingonourarms.Allwecanimagineis‘whatitwouldbelikeformetobehaveasabatbehaves’,butwecanneverunderstand‘whatitislikeforabattobeabat’.41Thepointhewasarguingisthatitisimpossibleforustostepintotheshoesofotherpeopletotheextentthatwecanunderstandtheirminds.Wecanneverescapethelimitsofourownsubjectivity.Idon’tagree.Bytakingthethreestepsofhumanisingthe‘other ’,discovering

whatweshareandwhatwedon’t,andempathisingwithourenemies,itbecomespossibletogetagoodgraspofthefeelings,beliefs,valuesandexperiencesofotherpeople.Humanbeingsarenotsodifferentfromeachotherthattheycannotattempttojourney–albeitincompletely–intooneanother ’slives,andovercomethe

barrierstoempathyintheprocess.HarrietBeecherStoweneverhadachildstolenfromherbyawhiteslavetrader,yettheemotionalwrenchcausedbyherson’searlydeathnodoubtofferedsomeinsightintothepain.GandhineverbecameanUntouchable(Dalit),butspendingyearslivingasapeasantfarmerandcleaningtoiletswithhisownhandsatleastbroughthimclosertotherealityoftheirlives.OskarSchindlerwouldhavebeenthefirsttoadmitthathedidnotknowwhatitfeltliketobeapersecutedJewintheCracowghetto,buthecouldstillfeelacommonhumanitywithhisworkers.Somepeople’slivesdoseemalmostincomprehensibletous,almostbat-like.IfinditdifficulttoprojectmyselfintotheworldviewofaGuatemalanshaman,oradyingchildinRwanda,oraRockefellerheiress,butthisrealisationdoesnotdetermefromtryingasbestIcantoimaginetheirinnerlives.EvenwithoutabsolutesuccessIwillhavebeentransformedbytheeffort,andmypersonalempathydeficiterodedintheprocess.Wherehavewereachedsofar?Ourempathicbrainsshouldbewellandtruly

switchedon,andourmindstunedformakingtheimaginativeleapintootherpeople’sworlds.Thenextstepinthequesttoreleaseourempathicpotential:startlimberingupfortheextremesportofexperientialempathy.

HABIT3SEEKEXPERIENTIAL

ADVENTURES

BeingDanielDay-Lewis

DuringthefilmingofMyLeftFoot,DanielDay-Lewis,playingtheIrishartistandwriterChristyBrownwhohadcerebralpalsy,spentalmosttheentireshootinawheelchair,refusingtocomeoutofcharacter,evenonteabreaks.Henotonlyhadtobepushedaroundtheset,butinsistedthateveryonecallhimChristyandspoon-feedhimatmealtimes.Hepreparedfortherolebyteachinghimselftopaintwithhisleftfoot,justashelearnedtohuntandtrapusingeighteenth-centurytoolsforhispartasafrontiersmaninTheLastoftheMohicans.WhilemakingIntheNameoftheFather,Day-Lewisreadiedhimselfforascenewhereaconfessionisbeatenoutofhimforacrimehedidnotcommitbyreplicatinghischaracter ’sexperiences,forcinghimselftostayawakeforthreedaysandnights,andhiringrealpolicementointerrogatehim.ForTheBalladofJackandRosehelivedapartfromhiswifesohecouldunderstandtheisolationofadyingman,whileforLincolnhemaintainedhispersona’shigh-pitchedKentuckyaccentoff-cameraandrequestedtobeaddressedasMrPresidentatalltimes.Day-Lewisisaleadingpractitionerofmethodacting–anapproachmadefamous

inthe1930sbytheRussiantheatredirectorConstantinStanislavski–andbelievesthatthesuccessfulpracticeofhiscraftrequiresimmersinghimself,asfaraspossible,inthelifeandspiritofhischaracter.Heattemptstocompletelyembodyhisrole,bothphysicallyandpsychologically,‘becausethatiswheretheworkis,that’swherethediscoveriesare–you’renotdiscoveringanythingwhenyou’rehavingacupofteaandalaughwiththegrips,astemptingasthatwouldbe’.Theaimisnotjusttogaininsightsintohisstagecharacter,sohecanperformwithauthenticity,butalsotomakediscoveriesabouthimself.‘I’vebeenmostlyinterestedinlivesthatseemveryfarremovedfrommyown,andthemysteryofthatlifeiswhatdrawsmetowardsit,’saysDay-Lewis.‘Inanundergroundsense,you’rechoosingtoexploreyourselfthroughanotherlife.’1Methodactingembodiesoneoftheprincipalhabitsofmanyhighlyempathic

people,whichistheirwillingnesstodiveintotheextremesportofexperiential

empathy.LikeDay-Lewis,theythinkthatoneofthebestwaystostepintosomeoneelse’sshoesistohavedirectexperienceoftheirlife,soitbecomesetchedontotheirskinandpsyche.Thisprocessdoesnotinvolveamergingofpersonalitiesthattotallyeradicatestheiridentity–astateofbeingthatisneitherpossiblenordesirabletoachieve–butisratherawaytothinkoutsidethelimitsoftheirownexperiences,beliefsandemotions.Itiscommoninactingformentoplaywomen,richtoplaypoor,youngtoplayold.Anempathiststrivestobecomeassensitive,versatileandimaginativeasthefinestactors.Experientiallearningmaybethemostdemandingapproachtoempathising–

moreconfrontingthanhavingaconversationorwatchingafilm–yethasthepotentialtoyieldthegreatestrewards.Thereareseveralwaysoftryingitforyourself,eachwithitschallenges.Attheextremeendofthespectrumisphysicalimmersion,similartoDanielDay-Lewis’sefforttorecreateChristyBrown’slifebyspendingmonthsinawheelchair.Anotheroptionisexploration,wherewebecomelikeanthropologistswhosearchoutandcloselyobservelivesandculturesthataredifferentfromourown,engaginginempathictravel.Afinalformiscooperation,inwhichworkingtogetherwithothers–oftenintestingortraumaticcircumstances–bringsusintoempathicunionwiththem:thinkofitasbeinginthesameboatratherthanthesameshoesasotherpeople.Ourcompanionsonthisexperientiallegofourjourneyincludepioneeringundercoverjournalists,anaspiringArgentiniandoctor,andthemembersofyourlocalchoir.

Immersion,orhowtobeanundercoverempathist

Howdowelearn?Oureducationsystemsaregearedtowardslearningviathesecond-handmodesofwordsandimages.YetforoverfivehundredyearstherehasbeenarecognitioninWesternculturethatthemosteffectivelearningmaytakeplacethroughexperientialencounterswithreality.LeonardodaVincidescribedhimselfasa‘discipleofexperience’;hedevelopedhisknowledgeofanatomynotbystudyingmedicaltextsbutbydissectingbodies.Intheeighteenthcentury,Jean-JacquesRousseauarguedthat‘trueeducationconsistslessinpreceptthaninpractice.Webegintoinstructourselveswhenwebegintolive’,whilethetwentieth-centuryphilosopherJohnDeweybelievedthat‘allgenuineeducationcomesaboutthroughexperience’.2Asawayoflearningaboutourselvesandotherpeople,experiencehasfew

parallels.Inthehistoryofempathy,oneofthefirstfigurestounderstandthiswasStFrancisofAssisi.AfteravisittoStPeter ’sbasilicainRomeintheearlythirteenthcentury,hewassodisgustedbyitsopulencethatheswappedclotheswithabeggar

hespottedatthedoor,andspentthedaybegginginrags.Livinginpovertybecamethedistinctivemarkofthebrotherhoodhelaterfounded.Inmoderntimes,StFrancis’experimentinRomehasbeenemulatedby

undercoverinvestigativejournalistsandwriterswhohavedisguisedthemselvesandforaperiodattemptedtoliveonthesocialmarginsbystayinginslums,workinginlow-paidfactoryjobs,andtryingtosurviveonthestreets.Alsoknownas‘rolereporting’,thisgenreofempathicimmersiondatestothelatenineteenthcentury,andmostofitsexponentshavebeenmotivatedbyadesiretoexposesocialinjustice,inequalityandexploitation.Atthesametime,theyhaveoftenbeenhighlyeducated,middle-classindividualswhohavewishedtoconfronttheirownprivilegeandprejudicesbydelvingintolivesthatseem,atleastonthesurface,alientothem.3HereIwishtochronicletheadventuresoffourofthemostimportantandoriginal

oftheseundercoverempathists,whoIhopecaninspireustotryoutexperientialimmersionforourselves.FirstamongstthemistheBritishsocialreformerBeatriceWebb,whowasbornin

1858intoafamilyofsuccessfulbusinessmenandpoliticians.Largelyself-educated,herearlyideaswereinfluencedbythesocialDarwinistHerbertSpencer,whoencouragedherbeliefintheVictorianphilosophiesofself-helpandindividualism,andtheviewthatpovertywaslargelyduetoafailureofcharacter,amoralflawofthosewhosufferedfromit.Suchbeliefsweretypicalamongstpeoplesharingherupper-middle-classbackground.Inthelate1880sWebb’sideasunderwentafundamentaltransformation,largely

duetoherexperienceasaresearcherforCharlesBooth’ssocialsurveyofpovertyinLondon’sslums.Webbstartedoutinvestigatingconditionsamongstdockworkers,spendingtimeatthewharveswheretheybidforscarcecasualwork,andminglingwiththematworkingmen’sclubs,aidedbyherunusualhabitofbeingawomansmoker.In1887,herresearchtookamoreexperientialturnwhenshedressedupinabedraggledskirtandbuttonlessbootsinsearchofworkasaseamstressinanEastEndtextilesweatshop.Afterknockingoncountlessdoorsshewastakenonasa‘plainhand’inasmall,Jewish-ownedclothingbusiness.Crammedinwiththirtyotherwomenandgirls,shedidpieceworkontwelve-hourshifts,butwasmoreincompetentthanmost,constantlymakingmistakesandworkingtooslowly.Webblastedonlyfourdays,yettheaccountofherexperiment,whichshewrote

upinamagazinearticlecalled‘PagesFromaWork-Girl’sDiary’,causedasensation.Itwasunheardofforarespectablememberofbourgeoissociety,especiallyawoman,tohavefirst-handexperienceoflifeamongstthedestitute.Shedescribedtheexploitativepaylevelsandphysicalhardshipofthework–‘myfingersarehorriblysore,andmybackachesasifitwouldbreak’–andcombinedthiswithasomewhatpaternalisticcommentaryontheloosemoralsofher

companions,remarkingontheir‘promiscuouslovemaking’and‘frankenjoymentofthelowlife’.Asaresultofherventure,inMay1888shewascalledtotestifybeforeaHouseofLordsSelectCommitteeonsweatshops.TheimmersionalsocausedWebbtorethinkherpoliticalbeliefs.‘Myown

investigationsintothechronicpovertyofourgreatcitiesopenedmyeyestotheworkers’sideofthepicture,’shewroteinherautobiography.Shecouldnowseethatfromtheirperspective,theIndustrialRevolutionwas‘agiganticandcruelexperiment’thatwas‘provingacalamitousfailure’.Webbturnedagainsttheindividualistideologyofself-help,expressedher‘ethicalrevulsion’ofcapitalismand‘profit-makingenterprise’,anddeclaredherselftobeasocialist.Shespenttherestofherlifecampaigningforimprovedfactoryconditions,andsupportingthecooperativeandtradeunionmovements.Shealsobecamealeadingfigure(withherhusbandSidneyWebb)inthesocialistFabianSociety,andlaterco-foundedtheNewStatesmanmagazineandtheLondonSchoolofEconomics.ForaformerLondon‘societygirl’,itwasanextraordinarylegacy.4TheEastEndofLondonhasattractedasuccessionofundercoverempathists

sinceWebbtoiledtherewithneedleandthread.In1902,theAmericanadventurerJackLondonstayedforeightweeksintheguiseofastrandedsailor,whichhechronicledinPeopleoftheAbyss.Themostrenownedexplorer,however,wasGeorgeOrwell.Afteraprivilegedupbringing,includingschoolatEton–anexperiencewhichturnedhim,inhisownwords,into‘anodiouslittlesnob’–OrwellspentfiveyearsinthecolonialpoliceforceinBurma.Whileabroad,hebecamesodisgustedwiththeparthewaspersonallyplayinginimperialism,thathereturnedtoBritainin1927determinedtodiscovertherealitiesoflifeamongstthepoorinhisowncountry.‘Iwantedtosubmergemyself,togetrightdownamongtheoppressed,’hewrote,‘tobeoneofthemandontheirsideagainstthetyrants.’HedidnotwanttocondemnpovertyfromthesidelineslikesomanyBloomsburyintellectuals,buttoliveitforhimself.SohedecidedtobecomeatramponthestreetsofEastLondon,swappinghissuitfordirtydungareesandaclothcap,livingoffbreadandmargarine,andsleepinginbug-infesteddosshouseswithdrifters,beggarsandunemployedlabourers.OrwelltookamoreuncompromisingapproachthanBeatriceWebb:ratherthan

trampingforjustafewdays,overaperiodofseveralyearshewentonmultipleundergroundexcursions,sometimesforweeksatatime.Hewasnevertemptedtohaveastashofsparecashinhispocketortorunawaytohisparents’comfortablehomeinSuffolk.Yethealwaysrecognisedthathistrampingwasjustatemporaryassignment,amatterofchoiceratherthannecessitythatcouldnevertouchthetruebitterness,disappointment,andinescapablehardshipoftheliveshesoughttounderstand.Still,itwasahugeeducationinlife.AsheconcludesinDownandOutinParisandLondon:

Ishallneveragainthinkthatalltrampsaredrunkenscoundrels,norexpectabeggartobegratefulwhenIgivehimapenny,norbesurprisedifmenoutofworklackenergy…Iamnotsaying,ofcourse,thatmosttrampsareidealcharacters;Iamonlysayingthattheyareordinaryhumanbeings.5

Whilechallenginghisprejudicesandassumptions,Orwell’sjourneysalsohelpedhimmakenewfriendships,develophiscuriosityaboutstrangers,andgathersuperbliterarymaterialthatwouldservehiminhiscareerasawriter.Inotherwords,thebenefitsofempathywerebothethicalandpersonal.Mostexamplesofundercoverempathyare,likeOrwell’s,attemptstocrossclass

boundaries.JohnHowardGriffindecidedtodosomethingmoreunusual:tocrossthedivideofrace.Griffin,whowasborninTexasin1920,wasaremarkablecharacter.DuringtheSecondWorldWarhejoinedtheFrenchunderground,helpingsmuggleJewishchildrenoutofGermanytoEngland.In1945abombexplosionlefthimblind,buthestillmanagedtowriteabestsellingnovelbeforemiraculouslyrecoveringhissightadecadelater.HavingexperienceddiscriminationwhenblindandwitnessedNazianti-Semitism,hebecameacutelyawareofracialdiscriminationinthesegregatedDeepSouthoftheUnitedStates,andwasdeterminedtopubliclyexposeitsinjustice.‘Blackmentoldmethattheonlywayawhitemancouldhopetounderstandanythingabouthisrealitywastowakeupsomemorninginablackman’sskin,’wroteGriffin.Sothatiswhathedid.InNovember1959,Griffindyedhisskinblackwithpigment-darkeningmedication,andspentsixweekstravellingandworkinginLouisiana,Mississippi,GeorgiaandSouthCarolinaasanAfrican-American.HestartedoutasashoeshineboyinNewOrleans,andwasimmediatelystruckby

thecasualinhumanityofhiswhitecustomers,whowerecompletelytakeninbyhisdisguise.‘Whentheypaidme,theylookedasthoughIwereastoneorapost,’herecalled,‘theylookedandsawnothing.’Griffinsufferedtheeverydayindignitiesofsegregation,walkingmilestofindanywherethatablackmanwaspermittedtogotothetoiletorsitdownforacupofcoffee.Heexperiencednotjustverbalracistabuseandthethreatofphysicalviolence,butthe‘hatestare’whenhewalkedpastwhitemenandwomen:

Ilearnedwithinaveryfewhoursthatnoonewasjudgingmebymyqualitiesasahumanindividualandeveryonewasjudgingmebymypigment.Theycouldnotseemeoranyotherblackmanasahumanindividualbecausetheyburiedusunderthegarbageoftheirstereotypedviewofus.Theysawusas‘different’fromthemselvesinfundamentalways:wewereirresponsible;weweredifferentinoursexualmorals;wewereintellectuallylimited;wehadaGod-givensenseofrhythm;wewerelazyandhappy-go-lucky;welovedwatermelonandfriedchicken.

GriffinwroteabouthisexperiencesinaseriesofarticlesfortheblackmonthlymagazineSepia,andalsoinabook,BlackLikeMe.TodaywemightconsiderthatawhitemanspeakingonbehalfofAfrican-Americansisunnecessary,condescendingorpossiblyunethical–surelyblackpeopleareabletospeakforthemselves.Butat

thetimewhiteAmericanswouldscarcelylistentoblackvoicescampaigningagainstsegregation,whichiswhySepiahadagreedtopublishGriffin.Itwasasmartmove:hisrevelationshadenormousimpact.Hegainedwidespreadmediaattentionforthecauseofracialequality,andbecameaprominentcivilrightsspokesman,workingwithMartinLutherKingandlecturingoncollegecampusesacrossthecountry.Yettherewasacost.HeandhisfamilyreceiveddeaththreatsfromwhitesupremacistsandwerehoundedoutoftheUnitedStates.Theyreturnedayearlater,buttheKuKluxKlaneventuallycaughtupwithGriffin,beatinghimwithchainsandleavinghimfordeadonaMississippibackroad.Hewasluckytosurviveandresolutelycontinuedhispoliticalactivism.TodayBlackLikeMeremainsastandardtextonhighschoolandcollege

syllabusesacrossAmerica.AtitsheartisGriffin’sresoundingmessageaboutthevalueofempathy:‘Ifonlywecouldputourselvesintheshoesofotherstoseehowwewouldreact,thenwemightbecomeawareoftheinjusticeofdiscriminationandthetragicinhumanityofeverykindofprejudice.’6Iftherewereaprizefortheextremesportofempathicimmersion,itwould

probablyhavetogototheGermaninvestigativejournalistGüntherWallraff.InMarch1983heplacedthefollowingnewspaperadvertisement:‘Foreigner,strong,seeksworkofanykind,includingheavyanddirtyjobs,evenforlittlemoney.Offersto358458.’Wallraffintendedtoexposetheharsh,low-paidandoftenillegalworkingconditionssufferedbythetensofthousandsofimmigrantTurkishworkersinWestGermany–bybecomingoneofthemhimself.Hehadgoneundercoverbefore,workinginachemicalfactoryandalsoposingasanalcoholicinamentalhospital,butthiswastobehismostaudaciousexperimentyet.Ratherthanspendingjustafewdaysincharacter,thistimehedisappearedintoitfortwoyears.Wearingdarkcontactlenses,ablackhairpieceandhavingperfectedbroken

‘foreigners’German’,Wallraffthrewhimselfintoasuccessionofback-breakingimmigrantjobs.Heunblockedtoiletsonbuildingsitesthatwereankle-deepinurine,shovelledcokedusthourafterhourwithoutaprotectivemask,andwasmadetoworkinareasfilledwithnoxiousgasesatasteelfactory,allthewhileputtingupwithracistjokesandcommentsfromhisGermanbossesandco-workers.HealsoflippedburgersinMcDonald’sandwasaguineapiginmedicalexperimentsthatcausedhisgumstobleed.Attimeshechosetoprovoke,suchashisvisitstoCatholicchurchestoseeiftheywouldbaptiseaTurk(hewasturnedawaybyalmosteverypriestdespitedisplayingexpertknowledgeoftheBible).Gradually,hischaracterAlibegantobecomepartofhim.‘Iidentifymoreandmorewiththepart,’wroteWallraffinhisbookLowestoftheLow.‘Atnight,whenI’masleep,IoftentalkaloudinbrokenGerman.Inowknowwhatstrengthittakestobearjustforashorttime,whatmyforeigncolleagueshavetosufferalltheirlives.’

‘Thereisabitofapartheidhappeningrighthereamongus–inourdemocracy,’concludedWallraffafterleavinghislastjob.‘Iexperiencedconditionswhichareusuallyonlydescribedinhistorybooksaboutthenineteenthcentury.Theworkwasdirty,crushinganddrainedone’slastreserves;butworse,wasthehumiliationthatIhadtobearandthecontemptinwhichIwasheld.’Hisbookwasexplosive.Itsoldmorethantwomillioncopiesinthirtylanguages,ledtocriminalinvestigationsoffirmsusingillegallabour,andresultedinimprovedprotectionforcontractworkersinseveralGermanstates.Earningsfromthebookfundedtheestablishmentofafreelegalaidfoundationforimmigrantworkers.ForWallraff,theexperiencemayhavesecuredhisreputationasEurope’smostenterprisinginvestigativereporter,buthisworkinthecokeplantlefthimspittingoutblacksalivaformonths,andpermanentlyscarredwithchronicbronchitis.7ThankstotheinspirationoffiguressuchasWebb,Orwell,GriffinandWallraff,

experientialempathyhasbecomeanestablishedmeansofuncoveringsocialinequities.Morerecently,forinstance,journalistssuchasPollyToynbeeinBritainandBarbaraEhrenreichintheUnitedStateshaverevealedtherealitiesofsurvivinginthelow-wageeconomybyworkinginitthemselves.Itistruethattheseareoftentemporarysojourns,allowingthepractitionerstoescapebacktomorecomfortablelivesafterwards.Yettheyretainthevirtueofbeingbasedonexperienceratherthanhearsayorbooks,andinvolvefarmorecommitmentandsacrificethanthesuperficialeffortsoftouristswho‘golocal’byviewingshantytownsindevelopingcountriesfromthecomfortofair-conditionedcoaches.

GüntherWallraffcleaningtoiletsduringhistwo-yearempathyexperimentasanimmigrantTurkishworkerinWestGermanyintheearly1980s.

Whenitcomestoourownlives,fewpeoplewouldbewillingtoworkformonthsinasteelmilllikeWallraffdidinordertoexpandtheirempathicselves.Sowemightconsiderlessdrastic–thoughstillchallenging–waysofdirectlyexperiencinglivesthatcontrastwithourown.Youcouldtakepartinoneofthefundraisersorganisedbyhomelessnesscharitieswhereyousleepoutonthestreetsforanight,orsignupalongsidetensofthousandsofothersforOxfamcampaignssuchas‘LiveBelowtheLine’,whichasksyoutospendfivedayslivingononepoundperday,theamountthat1.4billionoftheworld’spopulationhavetosurviveon.SomepeoplepreferaDIYimmersion.Ifyouareusedtoamiddle-classlifestyle,

youcouldtrylivingofftheminimumwageortheequivalentofunemploymentbenefitforatime.ThisisjustwhatTusharVashisht,aninvestmentbankerwhohadworkedinSiliconValley,andMatthewCherian,anengineeringgraduatefromMIT,decidedtodo.In2012theyreturnedtotheirnativeIndiaandattemptedtogetbyforseveralweeksontheaveragenationalincomeof100rupees($2)perday.CherianadmittedtomethattheirefforttolivepoorinBangalorewassomewhatartificial,sincetheywereonly‘temporaryvisitors’,buthefelttheyneverthelesslearnedanenormousamount,suchashowphysicallyandmentallyfatiguedyoubecomewhenyoucannotaffordanadequatediet.Theyalsodiscovered,saidCherian,that‘empathyisessentialfordemocracy’.Itisvitaltoputourselvesintheshoesofpeoplelivinginpoverty,otherwise‘therightsoftheminorityorthelessvocalwillalwaysbeneglected’.8Such‘wealth-swap’experimentsmightnotbetoyourtaste,soyoucouldtest

yourselfwitha‘Godswap’instead.Ifyouhappentobelievestronglyinaparticularreligion,thenspendamonthattendingtheservicesoffaithsdifferenttoyourown,includingameetingofHumanists.Bydoingso,youwouldbefollowinginthefootstepsofNelsonMandela,whowenttotheservicesofeveryreligionwhileimprisonedonRobbenIsland,despitehavingbeenbroughtupasaMethodist.9YoucouldalsofastforRamadanalongsideyourMuslimneighbours,orforLenttogetherwithyourChristianones.Alternatively,trya‘jobswap’withafriendwhoseworkisverydifferentfromyours,perhapsshadowingthemforafewdaystogiveyouexperienceofbeingacarmechanicorapuppeteer.Ifyouhavetoddlersandyourpartnerdoesmostofthechildcare,whynotgivethemabreakandspendawholeweeklookingafterthechildrentotallyalone?Youmaybeshockedbyhowstressfulandexhaustingitcanbe,anddecidethatitisonlyfairthatyoustarttakingonagreatershareofthedomesticwork.Asafinalchallenge,youcouldoptfora‘senseswap’.Whatmightitbeliketobe

deprivedofyourfullsensoryfaculties?Tofindout,gotoDialogueintheDark,aglobalnetworkofpublicexhibitionsfoundedbytheGermansocialentrepreneurAndreasHeinecke.Visitorsareimmersedincompletedarkness,andledbya

visuallyimpairedguidearoundexperientialgalleries.Youmightfumbleaboutwithcoinsasyouattempttobuyfoodfromamarketstall,panicslightlyasyoutrycrossingabusystreetwithonlyalongwhitecaneforprotection,thensipyourdrinkwithextracareinthepitch-blackcafe.Almosteveryvisitordescribesitasaconfronting,exhilaratingandunforgettableexperience.DialogueintheDarkisleadingthewayinbringingempathicimmersionstoa

massaudience.Sincebeingfoundedin1988,thetravellingexhibitionshaveappearedinmorethan130citiesinthirtycountries,providedworkforsixthousandblindpeople,andhavereceivedoversevenmillionvisitors.Theaim,saysHeinecke,istoencouragepeople‘tothinkdifferentlyaboutabilityanddisability’,andtogeneratetoleranceandunderstandingabout‘otherness’.Itisnosurprisetodiscoverthatheisanofficial‘EmpathyFellow’ofAshoka,theglobalorganisationforsocialentrepreneurs.WhenexplainingthefundamentalconceptbehindDialogueintheDark,HeineckequotesthephilosopherofempathyMartinBuber:‘Theonlywaytolearnisbyencounters.’10

Exploration,orhowempathyjourneyscanchangeyou

Romanticrevolutionary.Championofsocialjustice.Fanaticalideologue.Murdererandterrorist.Orjustacoolposteronyourcollegedormwall.Ernesto‘Che’Guevarameansmanythingstomanypeople.Butheisrarely

invokedasaniconofempathy.YetwhenhewasayoungmedicalstudentinArgentina–beforeheconvertedtoCommunismin1954andjoinedFidelCastro’srebelforcesinCuba–Guevaratookalife-changingjourneyaroundSouthAmericathatshookhimoutofhisnarrowupper-middle-classworldviewandopenedhiseyestothecontinent’sendemicpovertyandinequality.Itwasatriprevealinghowempathycanemergenotjustfromadirectimmersioninotherpeople’slives,asJohnHowardGriffindiscovered,butfromtheexperienceoftravel,whereweexploreandobserveotherculturesandwaysofbeing.Aswewillsee,however,Guevara’sstoryisacomplexone,raisingdifficultquestionsabouttherelationshipbetweenempathyandviolence.In1952,agedtwenty-three,GuevarasetoutfromBuenosAiresonayear-long

motorcycletripwithhisfriendAlbertoGranado,adoctorandbiochemist.Atthetime,hewasfarfrombeingtherevolutionaryhewouldlaterbecome.‘NoneofhisfriendsorrelativesthoughtErnestoaMarxist,’writeshisbiographerJonLeeAnderson,‘andindeed,neitherdidhe.’11Guevarahadbeenbornintoafamilywitharistocraticconnections,andwasmoreinterestedinrugbythanproletarianrevolution.Hewasaneclecticreader:hehaddippedintoMarx,buthadalsoreadFreud,Sartre,Whitman,FrostandHuxley.Perchedonthebackof‘LaPoderosa’,a

500ccNortonmotorbike(thatwouldlaterfallapartandbeabandoned),Guevarawaslikesomanyyoungmensettingoutonagapyear:hewantedtomeetgirls,haveadventures,andsatisfyhiswanderlust.Bytheendofthetrip,however,hehadalsoundergoneaseriesofexperiences

thatamountedtoanempathicepiphany.InValparaísoinChile,hewasdeeplyaffectedbyhisencounterwithanelderlyservantwoman,whowasdyingbecauseshecouldnotaffordthemedicinessheneeded.Hetriedtotreatherusinghishalf-trainedmedicalknowledge,andgavehersometablets,butknewitwasalreadytoolate.Onenighttheymetanout-of-workminerandhiswife,‘frozenstiffinthedesertnight,huggingoneanother ’,andsharedtheirblanketswiththemaroonedcouple.‘ItwasoneofthecoldestnightsI’veeverspent,’recalledGuevara,‘butalsoonewhichmademefeelalittleclosertothisstrange,formeanyway,humanspecies.’HewasshockedbythepovertyofindigenouspeasantshesawinthePeruvianandBolivianAndes,andequallyenragedbythepowerthatlocallandlordswieldedoverthem.12AlthoughGuevaraandGranadoweretravellingforfun,theyalsohadamedical

projectdrivingtheirjourney,whichwastostudyleprosyalongthewayandvolunteerforafewweeksatalepercolonyinthePeruvianAmazon.TheirtimeattheSanPablocolonyhadaprofoundimpactonGuevara.Inparthewasappalledattheinadequatefacilitiesandtheunfeelingwaythepatientsweretreatedbymanyofthestaff.Yethealsorevelledinhisworktendingtothepatients,andenjoyedjokingaroundandplayingfootballwiththem.

CheGuevara(right)andAlbertoGranadofloatingdowntheAmazonin1952.TheraftwasagiftfromthelepersattheSanPablocolony.

LookingbackathistravelsthroughSouthAmerica,Guevarawrote:

Icameintoclosecontactwithpoverty,hungeranddisease;withtheinabilitytotreatachildbecauseoflackofmoney;withthestupefactionprovokedbythecontinualhungerandpunishment,tothepointthatafathercanacceptthelossofasonasanunimportantaccident,asoccursofteninthedowntroddenclassesofourAmericanhomeland…Iwantedtohelpthosepeoplewithmyownpersonalefforts.13

Nothinginhisprivilegedbackgroundhadpreparedhimfortheseharshrealities.Itwashistravelexperiences–notreadingbooksorhavingintellectualpoliticaldiscussions–thatopenedhimtotheplightofthecontinent’speople.AccordingtohistorianCarlosVilas,‘hispoliticalandsocialawakeninghasverymuchtodowiththisface-to-facecontactwithpoverty,exploitation,illnessandsuffering.’14OrasGuevaraputitafterhismotorcycleexpedition,‘IamnotthesameasIwasbefore.Thatvagabondingthroughour“America”haschangedmemorethanIthought.’15ThereislittledoubtthatGuevara’stravelswereanempathicrevelationthatfired

inhimastrongdesiretoalleviatepeople’ssuffering.Yetisitlegitimatetodescribehimasanexemplarofempathy?Somerejectthis,pointingouthowhelaterengagedinwhatcanhardlybedescribedasempathicconduct.Henotonlytookuparmsasaguerrillafighteranddevelopedastrongauthoritarianstreak,butalso–mostnotoriously–wasruthlessinhisroleas‘supremeprosecutor ’whentheCubanrevolutionariestookpowerin1959,orderingtheexecutionbyfiringsquadofseveralhundred‘warcriminals’.16IamneverthelesscautiousabouterasingGuevara’snamefromtheannalsof

empathy,fortworeasons.First,themainimpactofhisyouthfultravelsaroundSouthAmericawastoinspirehimtodedicatehimselftowhathecalled‘socialmedicine’,notguerrillawarfare.HedecidedtoreturntoArgentinatofinishhismedicalstudies,planningtousehisknowledgetobringhealthcaretoanimpoverishedcontinent.Itwasnotuntiltwoyearsafterhistrip,whenhewitnessedtheCIA-backedmilitarycoupinGuatemalain1954,thatheconsciouslydecidedtobecomeaMarxistrevolutionary.Theviolentoverthrowofademocraticallyelectedleft-winggovernmentconvincedhimthatarmedstrugglewastheonlyviablepathtosocialandpoliticalchange.Asheoncesaid,‘IwasborninArgentina,IfoughtinCuba,andIbecamearevolutionaryinGuatemala.’17Asecond,andperhapsmoreprovocativepoint,isthatGuevarawasnotalonein

thinkingthatitmightbelegitimatetouseunempathicmethodstoachievewhatheconsideredtobeempathicends.Atparticularmomentsinhistory,ithasbeencommonforpeoplewhoarefuelledbyadeeppersonaldesiretoreducehumansufferingandconfrontinjusticetobelievethattheonlyeffectivewaytodosoiswithagunintheirhands,especiallywhenallotheroptionshavebeentriedandfailed.Inthe1930s,forinstance,overthirtythousandwriters,poets,andpoliticalactivists–amongstthemGeorgeOrwell–joinedtheInternationalBrigadestofightwiththeRepublicansagainsttheFascistsintheSpanishCivilWar,insupportofSpanishworkersandpeasants.Alesstalked-aboutexampleofsomeonewhosharedthisapproachisNelsonMandela.TodaywethinkofMandelaasanarchdeaconofempathy.Perhapsnoother

politicalleaderhasmadesuchaconcertedefforttostepintotheshoesofhisadversariesandtreatthemwithhumanity.Sincehisreleasefromprisonin1990,he

hasunfailinglypreachedreconciliationwithwhiteSouthAfricans.Duringthe1995RugbyWorldCup,forexample,hecalledonblackSouthAfricanstosupporttheirnationalrugbyteam,despitethefactthatitsmemberswerealmostallwhiteandtheteamhadlongbeenahatedsymbolofApartheid.18Mandelaunderstoodthatempathisingwiththewhitepopulationwasessentialtocreatenationalunityandpoliticalstabilityinthepost-Apartheidera,andpossiblytopreventadescentintocivilwar.Butwindbacktheclockandadifferentstoryemerges.Fromayoungage

MandelawasfilledwithaprofoundempathyforthesufferingofhisownpeopleunderApartheid,andasenseofinjusticeaboutthelegalsystemthatupheldit.Hetrainedasalawyer,andinitiallyviewedthelawasa‘swordofjustice’thatcouldbeusedtotackleracialdiscrimination.In1946,however,MandelaandothermembersoftheANCYouthLeaguebecamedisillusionedwiththepossibilityoflegalandlegislativereform,andshiftedtosupportingnon-violentdirectaction,basedonGandhi’sprotestsinIndia.Mandelaarguedthatthey‘hadtobewillingtoviolatethelaw,andifnecessarygotoprisonfortheirbeliefs’.Withinafewyearshesawthatthisapproachtoowasfailing,andamoreradical

solutionwasrequired.Fromtheearly1950s,MandelabecametheleadingfiguremakingthecaseforusingarmedviolencetoachievetheANC’spoliticalgoals.HestartedreadingtheworksofMarx,LeninandMao,andalongsidehisAfricannationalistideals,dreamedofcreatingaclasslesssociety.HeevenhadapictureofStalinhangingonhislivingroomwall(Roosevelt,GandhiandChurchillwereuptheretoo).By1955hewasconvincedthatguerrillawarfarewastheonlyanswer.Ashewroteinhisautobiography,LongWalktoFreedom:

Forme,non-violencewasnotamoralprinciplebutastrategy;thereisnomoralgoodnessinusinganineffectiveweapon…Intheendwehadnoalternativetoarmedandviolentresistance.Overandoveragain,wehadusedallthenon-violentweaponsinourarsenal–speeches,deputations,threats,marches,strikes,stay-aways,voluntaryimprisonment–alltonoavail,forwhateverwedidwasmetbyanironhand.Afreedomfighterlearnsthehardwaythatitistheoppressorwhodefinesthenatureofthestruggle,andtheoppressedisleftnorecoursebuttousemethodsthatmirrorthoseoftheoppressor.Atacertainpoint,onecanonlyfightfirewithfire.19

SoMandela,drivenbyfrustration,angerandasenseofimpotence,becamearevolutionary.HewentundergroundandformedUmkhontoweSizwe(TheSpearoftheNation,orMK),thearmedwingoftheANC.Hestudiedguerrillatactics,includingthewritingsofCheGuevara,andtravelledtoEthiopia,wherehelearnedhowtomakebombsand‘thinkasasoldierthinks’.AsMandelastatedathistrial,hewasakeyfigureinMKuntilhisarrestinAugust1962.MKcontinuedtooperateintothe1980swhileMandelawasimprisoned,andwasresponsibleforsabotageandbombingattacksthroughoutSouthAfrica,someofwhichkilledcivilians,despiteitseffortstominimiselossofhumanlife.Asaresult,AmnestyInternationalnever

campaignedforthereleaseofMandelabecauseitdoesnotrepresentanyonewhoadvocatesorusesviolence.20Bythelate1980s,though,Mandelawasbeginningtoseethatitwasempathy,not

guns,thatwouldbethemosteffectivepoliticaltoolforconstructingapost-ApartheidSouthAfrica.Herealisedthatheneededtobuildtrustwiththegovernment,andworkwiththemratherthanagainstthem.Hehadalsodevelopedadeeplyhumane,empathicattitudetowardshisformeradversaries,whichguidedhisactionsintheyearsfollowinghisrelease:‘Inprison,myangertowardswhitesdecreased,butmyhatredforthesystemgrew.IwantedSouthAfricatoseethatIlovedevenmyenemieswhileIhatedthesystemthatturnedusagainstoneanother.’21NelsonMandelaandCheGuevarawereverydifferentpeople,withdistinct

temperamentsandvisionsofsocialjustice:Mandela,forexample,believedinrepresentativedemocracy,whereasGuevarafavouredatop-downsocialiststate,andMandelacertainlyneverpresidedoverthekindsofpoliticalexecutionsthatbroughtGuevarasuchinfamy.Whattheyshared,though,wasapragmaticapproachtopolitics,believingthatarmedstrugglewasalegitimateandnecessaryroutetoachievingtheirobjectivesforjustice.Whilebothmenweremotivatedbyempathy,theywerewillingtousetacticsthatmosthighlyempathicpeopletodaywouldreject.Thoseofus–includingmyself–whoareopposedtotheuseofviolence,andwhodonotbelievethattheendjustifiesthemeans,mightchallengethemselvestostepintotheshoesofpoliticalfiguressuchasGueveraorMandela.Ifthrustintosimilarextremecircumstances,mightwetoohavefeltnooptionbuttotakeuparmsindefianceofourempathicinstincts,andatrisktoourownandotherpeople’slives?Exploringtheworldthroughtraveldoesnotnormallyraisesuchdilemmas.The

troublewithmosttravelisnotsomuchthatwemaybetemptedtobecomerevolutionaries,butthatitsooftenfailstoprovokeanysignificantempathicresponseatall.OnmyownearlytripsaroundIndonesia,ChinaandNepal,Iwasdoinglittlemorethanfollowingthewell-worntouristtrailsofferedbymyLonelyPlanetandRoughGuides,whichtypicallydirectedmetoidyllicbeachesormountaintrekkingadventures.Suchguidebookscontainnoadviceonhowtounderstandtheeverydaylivesoftheinhabitants;theword‘empathy’doesnotappearinanyindex.Therewaslittlethatwaschallengingorlife-changingaboutthesejourneys,andatthetimeIneverfullyappreciatedwhatThomasCook,thevisionarynineteenth-centurytouroperator,sawasthegreatestbenefitoftravel:‘Totravelistodispelthemistsoffableandclearthemindofprejudicetaughtfrombabyhood,andfacilitateperfectnessofseeingeyetoeye.’22Sohowcanweensurethattravelisawayofexpandingourempathicvision?Che

Guevaraprovidestheanswer:weideallyneedaprojecttodirectus.Guevara’sprojectwastovolunteerforafewweeksatthelepercolonyinPeru,andtovisit

leprosyexpertsandhospitalsenroute.Hestillspentplentyoftimegettingdrunkanddancingbadlyinpursuitoffemaleattention.Buthisprojectbroughthimintocontactwithlocalpeopleandtheirlives,enablinghimtoseefarmorethantheIncaremainsatMachuPicchu.ItwasonlywhenItriedasimilarapproachthattravellingbegantoshakemeout

ofthenarrownessofmyownworldviewanderodemyempathydeficit.Inthemid-1990sIvolunteeredforasummerasahumanrightsobserverinavillageintheGuatemalanjungle(thiswasafewyearsbeforeIwenttheretostudytheoligarchy).Iwasstrucknotjustbytheextremedeprivationfacedbytheinhabitants,mostofwhomwereindigenousMayanswhohadbeencaughtinthemidstofthecountry’scivilwar,butbywhatIlearnedfrommydailyencounterswiththem.Iremember,ononeofmyfirstdays,alittleboynamedBernabécomingtomyhutandshowingmeadrawinghehaddone.Atthebottomwasatypicalgreenjunglescene,buttheskyaboveresemblednochild’spictureIhadeverseenbefore.Hehaddrawnanegg,whichhatchedintoabirdintheimagenexttoit,whichinturnbecamealittleplane,whichwasfollowedbyalarge,menacingarmyhelicopterwithbulletsbeingfiredoutofit.Thismacabreevolutionarytaleofferedmyfirstinsightintothemindsofthepeoplearoundme.Theirmentallandscape,eventhatofthechildren,waspervadedbytheviolenceofthecivilwar(which,atthetime,wasinitsfinalmonths).AlthoughBernabéthenburstintoasongaboutbutterflies,hisartwork,onascrappypieceofpaper,revealedadifferentnarrative.Itwas,inpart,theimpactofthisdrawingthatinspiredmetodedicateseveralyearstoworkingonhumanrightsandsocialjusticeissuesinGuatemalaandotherdevelopingcountries.Therearemanyorganisationsthatcanhelpusevadethestandarditineraries,

offeringvolunteeringopportunitiesandotherprojectstotransformagetawayholidayintoanempathicjourney.Sure,youmightwanttoputupyourfeetandlazearoundabeachresortinThailand,butwhynotspendatleastsomeofyourtimeteachingEnglishconversationtostudentsatanearbyschool?OrhowaboutjoiningatourwithacompanycalledTraveleyes?Theirspecialityisorganisingtripsforvisuallyimpairedpeople,buttheyinvitesightedtouriststocomealongtoo,whodonotjustassistthosewhoareblindbutgettodiscovertherichesoftravellingwithpeoplewhopossessexquisitesensitivitytotouch,soundandsmell.IwouldlovetoseeanEmpathyTravelAgencyoneveryHighStreetandinevery

shoppingmall.Whattoexpectwhenyouwalkthroughthedoor?Youbeginbyspendinganhourtalkingtooneofthefriendlyattendantsaboutyourapproachtolife,thekindsofpeopleyouwouldliketomeetbuthaveneverhadthechance,andtheareasofcuriosityorignorancethatyouwishtoexplore.Fromthisdiscussiontheyassessyourempathicneedsanddesires,andofferyouatailor-madeexperientialpackage.Yourtraveladventurescouldberightonyourdoorstep.IfyouexpressaninterestinNorthAfricanculture,theymightsendyoutoworkforaweek

inthekitchenofalocalMoroccanrestaurant,ortovolunteerinarefugeeandimmigrantsupportcentre.I’vealreadygotanameandstraplineforthisinnovativetravelcompany,incaseyouwantedtosetupafranchise:EmpathyEscapes–UnpackYourPersonalBaggage.

Thenextrevolutioninholidaytravel

Cooperation,orwhyitmaybetimetojoinyourlocalchoir

Whileexperientialempathycanemergethroughdirectimmersionorexploringdiverseculturesonourtravels,itcanalsogrowoutofcooperation.Therearetimeswhenworkingtogethertowardscommongoalsandsharingexperienceswithotherscandrawthemintoourcircleofconcernandcreate–oftenunintentionally–empathicfusion.AccordingtosociologistRichardSennett,cooperationhasthepowerto‘joinpeoplewhohaveseparateorconflictinginterests,whodonotfeelgoodabouteachother,whoareunequal,orwhosimplydonotunderstandoneanother ’.23Agoodplacetobeginexploringtherelationshipbetweencooperationand

empathyisthroughthehumanresponsetodisasters.WhentheculturalthinkerRebeccaSolnitbeganinterviewingpeopleinNorthAmericaandMexicowhohadlivedthroughbothnaturalandman-madedisasters,suchasHurricaneKatrinaand9/11,shenoticedsomethingverystrange:theyfrequently‘litupwithhappiness’astheytoldtheirstories.24Ratherthandescribingtraumaandtragedy,theyrecalledthesenseofcommunitywhenneighbourswhowereusuallytoobusytospeaktoeachotherjoinedforcestocleanupafterahurricane,orthefeelingsofpersonalworth

andsolidaritywhenworkinginanimprovisedsoupkitchen,ortheempathywithwhichstrangershelpedthoseinneed,oftenatrisktotheirownlives.SolnitspoketoayoungPakistaniMuslimimmigrantwhohadfallenashewas

runningfromthecollapsingTwinTowers,andaHasidicJewgrabbedhishandandpulledhimtosafety.‘HewasthelastpersonIwouldeverhavethoughttohelpme,’hetoldher.‘Ifitweren’tforhim,Iprobablywouldhavebeenengulfedinshatteredglassanddebris.’Ayoungarchitectrememberedthemassofvolunteerswhocoordinatedthedonationoffood,bootsandothersuppliestoemergencyworkersatGroundZerointheaftermathof9/11.‘Peoplewerereallyworkingwelltogether,’hesaid.‘Therewasatremendouscross-sectionofpeople.YouhadpeoplewhoveryclearlyEnglishwasn’ttheirfirstlanguage,workingwithpeoplewhospenttheirSundaysdoingtheTimescrossword.’OthersnoticedthattheatmosphereinNewYorkresembledasombrecarnival:‘Noonewenttoworkandeveryonetalkedtostrangers.’25Overandoveragain,Solnitfoundthatthestandardmediadepictionofdisasters–

ofpeoplerunningaroundinpanicandbusilytryingtosavetheirownskins–wasnotborneoutinreality.Moretypicalwasthattheyquicklybandedtogethertohelpeachotherout,successfullyorganisingreliefeffortsintheircommunityinadecentralisedandnon-hierarchicalway,longbeforeofficialassistancearrivedfromemergencyservices:

Inthewakeofanearthquake,abombing,oramajorstorm,mostpeoplearealtruistic,urgentlyengagedincaringforthemselvesandthosearoundthem,strangersandneighboursaswellasfriendsandlovedones.Theimageoftheselfish,panicky,orregressivelysavagehumanbeingintimesofdisasterhaslittletruthtoit…Theprevalenthumannatureindisastersisresilient,resourceful,generous,empathic,andbrave.26

Inthecourseofherresearch,SolnitdiscoveredwhatIthinkofas‘theprincipleofempathiccooperation’:thrustpeopletogetherinanintensesharedexperienceortopursueacommonenterprise,andempathyislikelytoflower.Naturally,Iamnotadvocatingthatwegoaroundsearchingfordisasterzoneswherewecanstretchourempathicmuscles.Whatwecando,though,isgetinvolvedincollaborativeprojectswithstrangers,whereempathy-buildingmaynotbetheprimaryobjective,butwhereitcancreepuponusunawares,andfindunexpectedwaysthroughourcarapaceofassumptionsandignoranceaboutothers.Wemaygraduallyrealisethatouraspirationsandlivesintertwinewithpeoplewhomwemightnevernormallymeetorevenconsciouslyavoid.Oneofthemostfamousexamplesofthisprincipleinactiontookplacein1971in

thetownofDurham,NorthCarolina.AnotoriousKuKluxKlanleader,ClaibornePaulEllis,wascoaxedduringapublicmeetingintojoininganeducationcommitteetotackleracialproblemsinlocalschools.HewasforcedtoworkalongsideanAfrican-Americancivilrightsactivist,AnnAtwater,whomhehatedwithapurple

passion.Butinthecourseofdoingso,hediscoveredthathesharedmuchmorewithherthanhehadeverexpected,suchasthefactthattheywerebothpoorandstrugglingfinanciallyincleaningjobs–heasajanitoratDukeUniversity,andsheasadomesticservant.Thescalesbegantofallfromhiseyes,changinghisviewsnotjustofAnn,butofherwholecommunity:‘Iwasbeginningtolookatablackperson,shakehandswithhim,andseehimasahumanbein’…Itwasalmostlikebein’bornagain.’AftertendayshestoodupinacommunitymeetinginfrontofathousandpeopleandtoreuphisKKKmembershipcard.Helaterbecameacivilrightsactivistandleaderofajanitors’union,70percentofwhosememberswereAfrican-American.HeandAnnbecamefriendsfortherestoftheirlives.27AmorerecentcaseistheWest-EasternDivanOrchestra,apioneeringensemble

formedin1999bytheculturalcriticEdwardSaidandtheconductorDanielBarenboim.TheDivanbringstogetheryoungmusiciansfromacrosstheMiddleEast,sotheremightbeaJewishcellistfromTelAvivplayingalongsideaMuslimviolinistfromRamallah.AccordingtoBarenboim,‘Ithasveryflatteringlybeendescribedasaprojectforpeace.Itisn’t.It’snotgoingtobringpeace,whetheryouplaywellornotwell.TheDivanwasconceivedasaprojectagainstignorance.AprojectagainstthefactthatitisabsolutelyessentialforpeopletogettoknowtheOther,tounderstandwhattheOtherthinksandfeels,withoutnecessarilyagreeingwithit.’28Thetrickhasbeennottohavethememberstakepartinempathyworkshopstoovercometheirculturaldifferences,butsimplytoplaymusictogether.Hasitworked?Notalways.Somecriticshavesuggestedtheorchestraislessa

utopiaofsocialharmonythananopportunityforambitiousyoungmusicianstoplayprofessionallyundertheesteemedBarenboim,whileothershavepointedoutclashesamongstthemusicians,suchasaheateddebatewheresomeArabsarguedthattheIsraelishadnofeelforplayingArabmusic.Itisarealisticassessment:collaborationcanbringoutintra-groupconflictasmuchasgeneratecooperation.29Buttheoverwhelmingpictureisoneofmusicalcollaborationcreatingmutualunderstanding.BarenboimrecallsamomentwhenanIsraeliandaSyrianweresharingamusicstandandattemptingtoplaythesamenoteontheircellos,withthesamedynamicandexpression:‘Theyweretryingtodosomethingtogether.It’sassimpleasthat…Havingachievedthatonenote,theyalreadycan’tlookateachotherthesameway,becausetheyhavesharedacommonexperience.’OneoftheIsraelimembers,violaplayerAmihaiGrosz,hasdescribedtheorchestraas‘ahumanlaboratorythatcanexpresstothewholeworldhowtocopewiththeOther ’.30Indefianceofeasylistening,theDivanevenperformsWagner,themusicthatwasplayedbytheNazisasJewswerebeingsenttothegaschambers.Althoughyouprobablydon’thavethetrainingtobeaconcertmusician,youmay

wellbeabletosing–oratleastenjoydoingso.InBritain,groupsinging,

especiallyincommunitychoirs,iscurrentlyundergoingitsgreatestrevivalsincethenineteenthcentury.OneofthecatalystshasbeenTheChoir,aBBCtelevisionseriesfirstbroadcastin2006.Theprogrammeformatisthattheyoung,charismaticandslightlyeccentricchoirmasterGarethMalonegoesintounusualplacesandcreatesascratchchoiroutofamateursingers,whichhethentrainsupforamajorpublicperformance.Hehasworkedwithgroupsincludingpostalworkers,schoolchildren,wivesandgirlfriendsofmilitarypersonnel,andresidentsofahousingestate,andthechoirshavefoundthemselvessinginganywherefromtheAlbertHallinLondontotheChoralOlympicsinChina.Thosetakingpartfrequentlydescribeitintransformativeterms.Thechoiroffersthemself-confidence,personalandcivicpride,asenseofcommunitybelonging,andsomegoodsongs.Butwhatalsoemergesfromtheexperience,oftenunexpectedly,isempathy.ManyofMalone’schoirsbringtogetherpeoplewhodonotknoweachotheror

whomayliveandworksidebysideyethavediversesocialandprofessionalbackgrounds,andrarelyinteract.TheManchesterairportchoirhadaSikhaviationofficersingingalongsidebaggagehandlersandsecurityguardswithAfrican-CaribbeanandWelshheritage.AttheSevernTrentWatercompany,seniormanagerswerestrugglingtohittheirnotesnexttositeworkerswithperfectpitchwholaidthepipes.AttheRoyalMail,Malonebegantonoticehow‘asaresultofrehearsingandperformingtogether,abondwasforming…peopletheyhadnevermetbeforefromtheirowncompanycouldnowbecalledfriends’.31ThemoststrikingimpactwasatLewishamHospital,wherethechoirbegantobreakdownsomeoftheassumptionsthatemployeeshadaboutpeoplefromverydifferentpositionsintheworkplacehierarchy.AsMalonerecounts:

Ispokeoff-cameratoapharmaceuticalportercalledAaronwhotoldmethatthroughbeinginthechoirhehadanewappreciationofhowmuchpressurethosefurtherupthechainwereunder.Eddie,atough-talkingvascularsurgeon,alwaysenteredrehearsalslookingslightlyflusteredandhadprobablyjustcomefromcuttingsomepoorsoulapartwithaverysharpscalpel.Sittingtogetherinthechoirhumanisedthemboth.32

Noneofthisshouldsurpriseus:that’showtheprincipleofempathiccooperationworks.Yes,theremightbeinternaltusslesinthechoiroverwhogetstosingthesolos,butthegeneraleffectoftheintenseefforttoworkasagroupwithashared,challenginggoalistobreakdownbarriersandforgebondsoffriendshipandunderstanding.AlthoughtheTVshowmayhavebeenemphasisingthefeel-goodnatureoftheexperiencefortheparticipants,theevidencesuggeststhatthecamaraderieandempathywereveryreal.AsaLewishamnurseputit,‘OneofthebestthingsaboutthechoirwasthatitbroughttogetherdifferentpeoplefromdifferentpartsoftheNHS.Iworkwithneo-natals,tinybabies,andordinarilywouldhavenothingtodowiththesurgeonsorportersorspeechtherapists.Itgavemethe

opportunitytointeractwiththem,togettoknowwhattheydo,tosocialise.Everyhospitalshouldhaveachoir.’33Sowheremightwefindopportunitiesforthiskindofcooperationand

collaborationinourownlives?Wehumansaresociablecreatures,sodespiteourindividualistcultureandthedisintegrationofcommunitiesintheWestoverthepastcentury,thereremainsanabundanceofpossibilitiesallaroundus.Manyofthemarefamiliar,everydayactivities.Youmightjoinacommunitychoiroragroupcampaigningtokeepthelocallibraryopen.Youcouldplayfive-a-sidefootballeverySundayafternoonintheparkorstartupaunisexknittingcircle.Alternatively,getyourselfanallotment,whicharehotbedsofcollaboration,generatingempathybetweenpeoplefromdifferentbackgroundsandgenerations.Youmaytendyourownplot,butbeforelongyouwillbewillsharingseedswithastockbrokerandhelpinganelderlynunwithherweeding.34Theonlyprovisoisthatyoushouldbewaryofprojectsandorganisationsthat

fortifyboundariesbetweencommunities.Religion,nationalismandpoliticalideologiesallhavedarkhistoriesofcreatingsocialdivisionandturningpeopleagainstoneanother.Theymustbetreatedwithcaution.‘We’isa‘dangerouspronoun’,saysthesociologistRichardSennett,becauseitreinforcesthedistinctionbetween‘them’and‘us’.‘Thesocialbond,’hecontinues,‘arisesmostelementallyfromasenseofmutualdependence.’35Itispreciselywhenwehavetoworktogether–asinachoirorinthewakeofadisaster–thatweareimmersedinthekindofinterdependentcommunitiesthatarelikelytogenerateempathyandsocialharmonyratherthanintolerance.Thenineteenth-centuryAnarchistthinkerPeterKropotkinarguedthathumanbeings,likeallanimals,haveanaturaltendencytoengageinmutualaid.36Weshouldstrivetocreatemoreinterdependentsocieties,wheremutualaidandsocialcooperationcanhelpourempathicselvestoflourish.

Learningthelanguageofempathy

WhenteachingIslamicStudiesatMcGillUniversity,theCanadianscholarofcomparativereligion,WilfredCantwellSmith,usedtomakeallofhisstudentsfastduringRamadan,observeIslamicholidays,andperformtheprayersatthecorrecttimes–evengettinguptoprayatdawn.Why?Becausehebelievedthattheycouldneverunderstandanotherfaithmerelybyreadingbooksaboutit.37Insomanyfieldsoflearning,itisexperiencethatreallymakesthedifference.Carpentersdon’thonetheirskillsbystudyingtextsonhowtouseaplane.Pianistsdon’tperfecttheirtechniquebyreadingmusicalscores.Theypractise,practise,practise.Sotoowhenitcomestodevelopingempathy.Itisbysteppingintotheworldof

experience–throughimmersions,explorationandcooperation–thatwecanmake

hugeleapsinourabilitytounderstandthelivesofothers.YoumighthavethecourageofaGeorgeOrwellorPatriciaMoore,whoapproachesexperientialempathyasanextremesportthatrivalsice-climbingorskydiving.Perhaps,though,youfeelmoreateaseembarkingontravelexpeditionsintounfamiliarcultures,orjustturningupforchoirpracticeonaWednesdayeveningafterwork.Learningtoempathiseislikelearningalanguage.Youmaybeabletomakesome

linguisticheadwaybyporingoveratextbookandrepeatingalltherightphrases,butifyoureallywanttomasteranothertongue,thereisnosubstituteforhangingoutwiththenativesandhavingtospeakiteveryday.Youwillprobablystumblewiththewordsatfirst,butgraduallythelanguagewillbecomesecondnature–youwilldevelopthehabitofthinkinginit,andmaybeevendreaminginit.Thepracticeofempathyisnodifferent:wecanlearnitbestwhenweleavethemanualsbehindandsetoutonexperientialadventures.

HABIT4PRACTISETHECRAFTOF

CONVERSATION

Thecrisisofconversation

Thenewspapersmaynotbereportingit,butwearecurrentlyfacingacrisisofconversation.Ontheonehand,thereisafamineofqualityconversationinourrelationships.CommunicationbreakdownhasbecomeamajorcauseofdivorceinWesterncountries,whiletheaveragecoupleinBritainspendsmoretimewatchingtelevisiontogether–aroundfiftyminutesperday–thandirectlytalkingtoeachother.1Ontheotherhand,thereisaplagueofsuperficialtalk,muchofitduetotheincessantchattercreatedbynewtechnologies.Around10trilliontextmessagesweresentgloballyin2012,buthowmanyoftheminvolvedconversationsthatinspired,consoledortouchedpeople?Thiscrisismattersforthefutureofempathy.Why?Becauseconversationisone

oftheessentialwaysinwhichwecometounderstandtheinneremotionallifeandideasofothers.‘Thehiddenthoughtsinotherpeople’sheadsarethegreatdarknessthatsurroundsus,’observesthehistorianTheodoreZeldin.2Conversationenablesustopenetratethatdarkness.Itshinesalightintothemindsofthehumanuniverseweencountereveryday–lovers,strangers,adversariesorfriends.Conversationandempathyareintimatelyintertwined:makingtheefforttocomprehendanotherperson’sperspectivecanhelpbringanotherwiseunremarkabledialoguetolife,whileconversationitselfhasthepowertoforgeempathicconnection.Togethertheycangenerateavirtuouscircle,buildinguponandreinforcingoneanother.That’sgoodnewsforconfrontingthecrisisinconversation,andalsofortacklingourempathydeficits.Thechallengeistorethinkhowwetalktopeoplesowecangaingreaterinsights

intotheirthoughts,feelingsandworldviews,anddeepenouremotionalbondswiththem.Andforthiswecanlearnfromtheexperiencesofhighlyempathicpeople.Ihavenoticedthattheybringsixunusualqualitiestotheirconversations:curiosityaboutstrangers,radicallistening,takingofftheirmasks,concernfortheother,acreativespirit,andsheercourage.

Beware:thesequalitiesshouldnotbethoughtofas‘techniques’or‘tools’.Theideaofconversationaltechniquegoesbacktotheetiquettebooksoftheeighteenthcentury,whichinstructedpeopleonhowtocorrectlyaddressadukeoracardinal(ifyouhappenedtomeetone).Inthe1930s,theself-helpwriterDaleCarnegiepopularisedcommunicationstechniquesinhisbookHowtoWinFriendsandInfluencePeople:hisadviceincludedsmilingalotandrepeatingpeople’snamesasyouspeak,sotheythinkyoulikethemandarereallylisteningtothem.Histipsandtrickscanstillbefoundamongstthelongshelvesofcommunicationguidesonsaletoday.Theproblemwithsuchstrategiesisthattheycanmakeconversationmechanicalandstilted,introducingaself-consciousnessandartificialitythatactuallygetinthewayofempathy.Insteadofthinkingaboutconversationasatechnique,highlyempathicpeople

tendtoviewitasacraft.Whilecraftstypicallyrequireanelementoftechnicalprowessandpracticeforyoutobegoodatthem,theyalsoofferthescopeforintroducingyourowncreativity,personality,andspontaneity.Everybowlthrownbyapotterisslightlydifferent,andrevealingoftheiruniqueaesthetic,justaseveryconversationweembarkonshouldhaveitsowncharacterandindividuality,ratherthanbeingconstructedfromasetofrules.Howshouldwebeginpractisingthecraftofconversation?Havingspentoverten

yearsrunningworkshopsonconversationandempathy–foreveryonefrombusinessexecutivesandBBCjournalists,toschoolchildrenandprofessionaloralhistorians–Ihavefoundthatthesinglemoststrikinghabitofhighlyattunedempathistsistheirinsatiablecuriosityaboutotherhumanbeings.

Curiosityaboutstrangers

Curiosityhadabadpressbeforetheeighteenthcentury.EarlyChristianssuchasStAugustineclassifiedcuriosityasoneofthethreemajorsins,alongsidecarnalpleasureandpride,sinceitrevealedalackofself-restraint(EveshouldneverhavegivenintohercuriosityandeatenthatapplefromtheTreeofKnowledge).Inthefirstcentury,theGreekthinkerPlutarchsimilarlylabelledcuriosityasavice,equatingitwithbeingagossipingbusy-bodywhopokesaboutinotherpeople’sbusiness.3DuringtheEnlightenment,however,curiositywastransformedintoavirtue.Itwasconsideredthedrivingforcebehindscientificadvancementandtechnologicalprogress.ScientificrevolutionarieslikeIsaacNewtonandAlexandervonHumboldtwerepossessedofahealthycuriosity,aninquisitivenessthatenabledthemtoseebeyondconventionalideasandmakeextraordinarydiscoveries.4Curiosityremainsvaluedintheartsandsciencestoday.Butitislimitedbyour

Enlightenmentinheritance,whichassumesthatcuriosityshouldbeappliedtoideas

andobjects,ratherthanpeople.Onerecentstudy,forinstance,definescuriosityasanexploratoryinquisitivenessabout‘whatwedon’tknow’,omittinganyreferencetowhowedon’tknow.5Weshouldmovebeyondthisinheritanceandelevatecuriosityaboutothersintoasupremevirtue,becauseitisakeytoopeningthedoortoempathy.Welivesurroundedbystrangers–manyofushardlyknowourneighbours,weseethesameshopassistantseverydaybutunderstandlittleabouttheirlives,wecanworkalongsidepeopleforyearswhiletheirinnerselvesremainamysterytous.Curiositycanhelpusdiscoverwhotheyareandhowtheyseetheworld.AssociologistRichardSennettwrites,wecanthinkaboutempathyas‘thesentimentofcuriosityaboutwhootherpeopleareinthemselves’.6Doescuriosityaboutstrangerscomenaturallytous?Notaccordingtomany

anthropologists.JaredDiamondpointsoutthatintraditionalsocieties,suchasthetribesofNewGuinea,peoplehavebeengenerallyconsideredtofallintooneofthreegroups.‘Friends’aremembersofyourownbandorvillage,whoyoucantrust.‘Enemies’aremembersofneighbouringbandsorvillageswithwhichyourbandisonhostileterms.Andthenthereare‘strangers’,unknownindividualsfromdistantbands.‘Ifyoudohappentoencounterastrangerinyourterritory,’saysDiamond,‘youhavetopresumethatpersonisdangerous’,sincetheyarelikelytobescoutinginordertoraidyourgrouporkidnapyourwomenfolk.Inotherwords,anystrangerisapotentialenemy,andshouldbetreatedwithextremecaution.7Contemporaryculturereflectsthisattitude,andweareoftenwaryofengaging

strangersinconversation.Whilewedon’tthinktheyarelikelytostickaspearthroughourchests,wemightworrythattheyarenotinterestedintalkingtous,thattheywillthinkwearenosey,orthatwhatwehavetosayisfacileorunintelligent.Orwemayjustfindtalkingtostrangersplainembarrassing.Curiosityismoresociallyacceptableinsomeculturesthanothers:itiseasierto

getchattingtoastrangeronaparkbenchinsmall-townAmericathantodosoinFinland,acountryfamousforitsreservedanduntalkativeinhabitants.8Yetthereisonesocialgroupunafraidofexpressingtheircuriosity:children.Itisastonishinghowtheywillgouptostrangersandstarttalkingtothem,askingthebusdriverhowthemotorworks,oranotherchildwhattheyareholdingintheirpocket.‘Childrenarealive,curious,sensitive,’saidtheItalianeducatorandsocialactivistDaniloDolci,and‘growingupisaprocessofbecomingcalloused’.Weneedtofindwaysofrediscoveringthechildhoodcuriosityaboutstrangersthatmostofusoncepossessed.Onepersonwhosecuriosityneverbecamecalloused,butremainedrefreshingly

childlike,wastheChicagoradiojournalistandwriterStudsTerkel.Duringafive-decadecareer(whichlasteduntilhisdeathin2008,agedninety-six),Terkelinterviewedatleastseventhousandpeopleabouttheirlivesforhisradioshowandbooks,fromfamouspoliticiansandmusicianstounknownsteelworkersand

hairdressers.Terkelwasagiftedconversationalist.Heputpeopleattheirease,sotheyfeltabletotalkopenlyabouttheiremotionsandlifestories.Hehadaphotographicmemory,whichmeanthecouldalwaysrecallthenamesoftheirchildrenoraskthemwhethertheirmotherwasstillunwell.Buthisgreatestgiftwasanaturalcuriosity.Hewassimplyfascinatedbypeoplefromeverywalkoflife–whattheythoughtaboutpoliticsoreducation,howtheyfacedthestrugglesofworkandhavingfamilies,whattheyhadlearnedaboutlifeitself.InthewordsofoneofTerkel’slong-timeradiocolleagues:

Whatdriveshimonstill,andsoremarkablyathisage,ishisgenuinecuriosityaboutotherpeople,nomatterwhoorwhattheyare.Andit’smatchedsomehowwithhisalmosttotallackofinterestinhimself…Hiscuriosityisendless,andit’sanhonestcuriosityintowhopeopleare,it’snevermotivatedbyjealousyorenvy.9

Thiscuriosityaboutstrangerswaswhatmadehimsuchanextraordinarilyempathichumanbeing.Itenabledhimtostepintotheirskinforawhileandwalkaroundinit.Terkelwashungrytounderstandotherpeople,andtolearnfromthem.‘Ithinkeveryonehasastorytotell,’hesaid,‘whatyourchildhoodwaslike,whatyourownmemoriesarelike,yourowndreams…everyoneisanexpertontheirownexperience.’10Hewasunusuallynon-judgementalaboutpeople,andbelievedthat‘youneedtoempathizewiththemifyouwanttofindoutwhatthey’relike’.WhenaskedhowhecouldhavepossiblytalkedtoaKuKluxKlansman(whoappearsinoneofhisbooks),withoutwantingtoarguewithhimorwalkaway,Terkelwastrulysurprised,responding:

ButIcouldn’tunderstandhim,Icouldn’tunderstandhowanybodycouldthinklikehedidandnotevenbeawareIcouldpossiblybeoffendedbywhathewassaying.IwasfascinatedandIreallygothookedontryingtofindout.11

That’sempathiccuriosityinaction.Theessenceofhisapproach–thekeytohisabilitytomakesuchstrongconnectionswithpeopleandgetthemtospeaksocandidlywithhim–issummedupinonemainpieceofadvice:‘Don’tbetheexaminer,betheinterestedenquirer.’Wisewordsforanyaspiringempathist.Terkelalwayswantedhisreadersandlistenerstoempathisewith‘theanonymous

millionswhomaketheworldgoround’.Hetriedtogivevoicetothevoiceless,thosewhoareignoredbythehistorybooks–theshoeshineboys,thedockers,theelderlytrappedincarehomes,theimmigrantstryingtomakeanewlife.Hewasperpetuallyintriguedbythequestion,‘Whatisitliketobeacertainperson–ordinaryso-called–livingatacertainmomentinhistory,inacertaincircumstance?’12Wemightallleadmoreinterestinglives–andreducetheglobalempathydeficit–

ifwebecamealittlemorelikeStudsTerkel.Inpractice,thatmeanssteppingoutinto

theworldandtalkingtostrangers,focusingnotonthesmalltalkofweatherandsportsresults,butonthebigtalkofprioritiesinlife,ideas,hopesanddreams.Itmeansrulingnobodyout:everyone,nomatterwhattheylooklikeorwheretheycomefrom,couldbeauniqueandcaptivatingconversationalpartner,ifyoucanfindagentlewaytotapintotheirsouls.Itmeanslisteninghard,withoutconstantlyinterruptingtheirthoughts,andhavingtheconfidencetoletthempauseandthinkwithoutrushingintofilleverysilence.‘Listen,listen,listen,listen,’insistedTerkel,‘andifyoudo,peoplewilltalk.Theyalwaystalk.Why?Becausenoonehaseverlistenedtothembeforeinalltheirlives.Perhapsthey’venoteverevenlistenedtothemselves.’13Itmeansrefrainingfrominterrogatingthemlikeajournalistdiggingforastory,whocareslittleaboutencroachingonprivateorpainfulground,andbeingwillingtoshareyourownideasandexperiencestocreateatwo-waydialogue,a‘conversation’ratherthananinterview.Ultimately,though,itisaboutrecognisingthatconversationswithstrangerscanbeanadventureinpersonallearningandenlightenment,awaytochallengeyourownideasanddiscovernewones.Inotherwords,graspingthatconversationcanbegoodforyou.Terkelonceclaimedthathewouldlikehistombstonetobeinscribedwith

‘Curiosityneverkilledthiscat’.14Ifhewerestillwithus,whatmighthesuggestwedotoigniteourcuriosityaboutstrangers?Ithinkhisbasicprescriptionwouldbetohaveaconversationwithastrangeratleastonceaweek,andreallymakeanefforttounderstandtheworldinsidetheirhead.Itcouldbethepersonwhosellsyouanewspapereachmorning,ortheguyintheaccountsdepartmentatworkwhoalwayseatshislunchalone,orthesprightlyelderlywomansittingnexttoyouonthebus(Terkelwouldalwaystalktopeopleonthebusonhisdailycommute).15Therearesomeplayfulwaystomeetstrangerstoo.OnewomanIknownamedSarah,whoworksinalargemultinationalorganisation,foundtheemailaddressesofalltheotherSarahsinthebuildingandinvitedthemtolunchinthecafeteria.ItwassuchasuccessthattheSarahs–someofthemreceptionists,othersseniormanagers–startedaregularget-together.

StudsTerkel,perhapsthetwentiethcentury’sgreatestconversationalist.

Somepeoplefindtalkingtocompletestrangersintimidating.Theymayfeelinhibited,andthinkitbettersuitedtogregariousextrovertswhoarebrimmingwithconversationalself-confidence.ThisIcancomprehend.Yetitisamythtothinkthatnurturingcuriosityaboutstrangersrequiresanextrovertpersonality.AsSusanCainshowsinherbookQuiet,itispreciselythemoreintrovertedtypeswhooftendevelopintoespeciallyskilledlisteners,andwhomakeothersfeelateasebynotoverwhelmingthemwithforceofcharacter.Theyalsotendtoavoidthesuperficialchatterofpartiesandfavourone-to-oneconversations,whicharemuchmorelikelytoresultininterestingandempathicdiscussion.16Butwhateveryourpersonalitytype,itisessentialtorealisethatmostpeopleactuallywanttotalkaboutthethingsthatmattertothem.Offerthemthespace,andtheywillopenthemselvestoyou.Whilewecannurtureourcuriosityasindividuals,weneedtoinventnewsocial

institutionstospreadconversationalcuriosityfarandwide.Luckilysomeofthemalreadyexist.HaveyoueverbeentoaHumanLibrary?TheHumanLibrarymovementwasfoundedinDenmarkin2000,toerodeprejudicesandcreatedialoguesacrosssocialdivides,andhasnowspreadtoovertwentycountries.Hereishowitworks.The‘libraries’typicallytakeplaceatalocalpubliclibrary,forexampleoneSaturdaymorningpermonth.Ifyougoalong,insteadofborrowingabook,youcanborrowapersonforconversation.TheHumanLibraryisfullofvolunteerswhoyoucantakeoutforaroundhalfanhourofdiscussiononanytopicyoulike–theymightbeanavalofficer,anasylumseeker,oranightclubbouncer.Thepointistotalktopeoplewhoyouwouldnevernormallycomeintocontactwithinyoureverydaylife.Ispentseveralyearsworkingwithoneoftheworld’sleadingconversation

experts,TheodoreZeldin,atanorganisationhefoundedcalledTheOxfordMuse,whichsharestheHumanLibrarymovement’sfaithinthepoweroftalkingtostrangers.Zeldin’sbelief–onethatIfullysubscribeto–isthatifyoucanbringtwo

peopletogetherfromdifferentbackgrounds,andencouragethemtohaveaone-to-oneconversationinwhichtheytakeofftheirmasks,sharepartsoftheirlives,andlookthrougheachother ’seyes,thenyouhavecreatedasmallmomentofequalityandmutualunderstanding.Andbymultiplyingthesekindsofconversation,youcanproduceamicrocosmicyetpotentformofsocialchange.Thinkofitaschangingtheworldoneconversationatatime.Themainwaywetransformedthisphilosophyintopracticewasbyholding

ConversationMeals,whichresembledtheconversationalfeastsor‘symposiums’heldbytheAncientGreeks.IrememberonemealIorganised,heldinthegymnasiumofanOxfordstateprimaryschool,whereIinvitedaroundsixtypeoplefromdiversebackgroundsacrossthecity:corporateexecutives,homelesspeople,universityprofessors,carfactoryworkers,students,eldersfromtheChinesecommunity,andPakistanicurry-housewaiters.Theywereseatedinpairswithastrangeratlongtables.Andbetweenthem,insteadofamenuoffood,therewasaMenuofConversation,containingquestionslike,‘Whathaveyoulearnedaboutthedifferentvarietiesofloveinyourlife?’and‘Inwhatwayswouldyouliketobemorecourageous?’Therewerearoundtwentyquestionsonthemenu,whicheachpairexploredfreely,intheirownway,astheywereservedasimplemealtoaccompanytheirdiscussion.Thequestionshadbeendesignedtohelppeoplegetbeyondsuperficialtalk,andengagewiththebigissuesoflifethatmattertoindividualsofeverycultureandgeneration.17

AConversationMealatanOxfordprimaryschool.Thefirstquestiononthemenuonthetableis‘Howhaveyourprioritieschangedovertheyears?’

TheOxfordMusemealsaretheoppositeofspeeddating–youtalktosomeoneforonehour,notoneminute–andalsoverydifferentfromconversationalmodelssuchas‘interfaithdialogues’,whichgenerallydwellontopicsspecifictothoseparticipating(suchastheroleofreligioninstateeducation)ratherthansubjectsof

universalhumanconcern.TheConversationMeals,whichhavebeenheldintheUK,France,China,theCzechRepublicandothercountries,havebeenacatalystforchange,leadingtonewfriendships,communityprojects,explodedprejudicesand,inevitably,theoccasionalloveaffair.Theirsuccessliesnotjustintheunusualformat,butincreatingasharedspacewherethedinersaregivenpermissiontotalkopenlyaboutthemselves.Thereisnothingoddaboutdiscussingyourphilosophyoflovewithastrangerifyouaresittingamongstdozensofotherpeoplewhoaredoingexactlythesamething.Actually,itisquiteexhilarating.TheConversationMenuideahasnowspreadtootherorganisations,suchasThe

SchoolofLifeinLondon,asawayoffosteringcuriosityaboutstrangersandcreatingempathyacrossthefissuresofsociety.Whileitcanbeinspiringtoattendoneofthesemeals,thereisnothingtostopyoudevelopingyourownmenuofquestionstotrywithfriendsaroundthedinnertable,acquaintancesfromtheoffice,newneighbours,orotherstrangersyouhappentomeet.Youwillbesurprisedbythediscoveriesyoumakeevenaboutpeoplewhoyouthoughtyoualreadyknewwell.Togetyoustarted,hereisasampleofquestionstousethatmighthelprekindlethechildhoodcuriositythatlieshiddeninsideallofus.Justremember,don’trush,otherwiseyoumayendupwithconversationalindigestion.

AConversationalEntrée

What,inyourexperience,arethebestandworstwaysofbeinggood?

Whatwouldyoumostliketochangeaboutyourphilosophyoflove?

Howhaveyourambitionsaffectedyourhumanity?

Doyoufeelmoreathomeinthepast,thepresent,orthefuture?

Areyoubetteratlaughingorforgetting?

Whatisyourpersonalhistoryofself-confidence,andwhathasittaughtyou?

Doyouthinkwecanempathisewithanimals,plantsandtheplanetitself?

Whatisyouridealwayofgrowingold,andwhomighthelpyoudoit?

Radicallistening

Thereareplentyofobstaclestoempathicconversation.Somepeoplehaveatendencytobecomecombativewhenadiscussiongetstenseorheated,whiletherearethosewhomovefasttoblameothersandmakethemfeelguilty.Anothercommonmaladyisnarcissisticone-upmanship:whenafriendrevealstheirtaleofunrequitedlove,manypeoplecannothelpoutdoingitwiththeirownevenmoresorrowfultale(‘Ifyouthinkthat’sbad,justhearwhathappenedtome…’).

Oneofthemostusefulskillsforgettingbeyondtheseobstaclesislistening.StudsTerkelwasagreatfanofit.SoispersonaldevelopmentguruStephenCovey,whopointsoutthatwhilewespendyearslearningtoread,writeandspeak,mostofusdedicatelittletimetobecomingbetterlisteners.18Buthowshouldwelisten?Apartfromcuriosityaboutstrangers,highlyempathicpeoplehaveahabitofengaginginwhatIthinkofas‘radicallistening’,averyparticularwayoftuningintowhatothersaresaying.OneofthemostradicallistenersofthemallisMarshallRosenberg,inventorof

Non-ViolentCommunication(NVC),anapproachtoconversationthatisespeciallydesignedtoresolveconflicts–inanythingfromarockymarriagetogangwarfare–andthat‘allowsournaturalcompassiontoflourish’.19HeinitiallytrainedasapsychotherapistwithCarlRogers,afounderof‘humanistic’or‘client-centred’psychologyinthe1950s,whichencouragesthepsychotherapisttoprioritiseempathisingwithandlisteningtotheclient.Rosenberg’sviewwasthatempathywasaskillthatshouldnotbeconfinedtoprofessionaltherapists,butalsopractisedbyeveryoneintheirdailylives.AcornerstoneofRosenberg’sthinkingistheideaof‘receivingempathically’,

whichhesumsuplikethis:‘Whatisessentialisourabilitytobepresenttowhat’sreallygoingonwithin–totheuniquefeelingsandneedsapersonisexperiencinginthatverymoment.’20Thisiswhatradicallisteningisallabout.Thefirstelement,‘presence’,involvesemptyingyourfacultiesandlisteningtotheotherpersonwithyourwholebeing,lettinggoofpreconceivedideasandjudgementsaboutthem.HequotestheFrenchphilosopherSimoneWeiltoemphasisehowchallengingthiscanbe:‘Thecapacitytogiveone’sattentiontoasuffererisaveryrareanddifficultthing;itisalmostamiracle;itisamiracle.’Asecondelementistoconsciouslyfocusonidentifyingtheotherperson’sfeelings,andathirdistomakeaconcertedefforttounderstandtheirneeds.AccordingtoRosenberg,theprimarycauseofcommunicationbreakdownisafailuretocomprehendtheotherperson’sneeds,andtheirfailuretocomprehendourown.‘Ithasbeenmyexperience,overandoveragain,’hesays,‘thatfromthemomentpeoplebegintalkingaboutwhattheyneedratherthanwhat’swrongwithoneanother,thepossibilityoffindingwaystomeeteveryone’sneedsisgreatlyincreased.’21Toillustrateexactlywhathemeans,Rosenbergtellsastoryaboutavisitheonce

madetoaPalestinianrefugeecamptoteachaworkshoponNon-ViolentCommunication.OnthewayinhehadnoticedseveralemptyteargascanistersthathadbeenshotintothecampbytheIsraeliArmythepreviousnight,withthewords‘MadeinUSA’clearlywrittenonthem.Ashebeganspeaking,histranslatorsaid,‘They’rewhisperingthatyouareAmerican!’Justthenamanleapttohisfeetandhollered,‘Murderer!’Soonthewholegroupwerechanting,‘Assassin!’,‘Child-killer!’‘Murderer!’Rosenbergdescribeswhathappenednext:

Iaddressedthemanwhohadcalledmeamurderer.

MR:Areyouangrybecauseyouwouldlikemygovernmenttouseitsresourcesdifferently?MAN:DamnrightI’mangry!Youthinkweneedteargas!Weneedhousing!Weneedtohaveourown

country!MR:Soyou’refuriousandwouldappreciatesomesupportinimprovingyourlivingconditionsandgaining

politicalindependence?MAN:Doyouknowwhatit’sliketoliveherefortwenty-sevenyearsthewayIhavewithmyfamily–

childrenandall?Haveyougotthefaintestideawhatthat’sbeenlikeforus?

Ourdialoguecontinued,withhimexpressinghispainfornearlytwentymoreminutes,andmelisteningforthefeelingandneedbehindeachstatement.Ididn’tagreeordisagree.Oncethegentlemanfeltunderstood,hewasabletohearmeexplainmypurposeforbeingatthecamp.Anhourlater,thesamemanwhohadcalledmeamurdererwasinvitingmetohishomeforaRamadandinner.22

BarackObamatellsasimilarstoryaboutidentifyingfeelingsandneeds,translatedtoamoreeverydaysituationthanarefugeecamp.ObamagrewupinHawaiiandspenthishighschoolyearssmokingpot,drinkingtoomuchboozeatparties,andunleashinghisrebelliousstreakonhisgrandfather,withwhomhelived.Herejectedthepettyhouseholdrulesimposedonhim–suchashavingtofillupthepetrolinthecarafterheborrowedit–andtookjoyinusinghistalentforrhetorictocrushhisgrandfatherinargument.Butduringhisfinalyearinhighschool,Obama’sattitudebegantochange.‘Itwasinmyrelationshipwithmygrandfather,’herecalls,‘thatIfirstinternalisedthefullmeaningofempathy.’Hemadeanefforttodiscoverandconsiderhisgrandfather ’spointofview;thathehadledalifeofstrugglesanddisappointments,andwantedtofeelrespectedandappreciatedinhisownhome.‘Irealisedthatabidingbyhisruleswouldcostmelittle,buttohimitwouldmeanalot.Irecognisedthatsometimeshereallydidhaveapoint,andthatininsistingongettingmyownwayallthetime,withoutregardtohisfeelingsorneeds,Iwasinsomewaydiminishingmyself.’Theresultwasbothgreaterharmonyathomeandastrongerpersonalbondwithhisgrandfather.23AchallengingaspectofRosenberg’smethodisnotonlythatweshouldlisten

deeplytoothers,butthatweshouldshowourunderstandingofthembyparaphrasingwhattheyhavejustsaid,reflectingtheirmessagebacktothemintheformofquestionsthatuseneutral(non-evaluative)language.RosenbergdoesthisabovewhenheasksthePalestinianman,‘Soyou’refuriousandwouldappreciatesomesupportinimprovingyourlivingconditionsandgainingpoliticalindependence?’Orimagineyourpartnercomplainsthatyouhaven’tbeenspendingenoughtimelookingafterthechildrenlately.Insteadofimmediatelyleapingtoyourowndefence,youmightsay,‘I’msensingthatyou’reupsetwithmeabouthowwedividethechildcare–amIhearingyouright?’,or‘AreyoureactingtohowmanyeveningsIstayedlateattheofficeworkinglastweek?’Rosenbergdrawsoncompellingstatisticstomakehiscase:‘Studiesinlabour-managementnegotiationsdemonstratethatthetimetoreachconflictresolutioniscutinhalfwheneach

negotiatoragrees,beforeresponding,toaccuratelyrepeatwhatthelastspeakersaid.’24IhavedoneformaltraininginNon-ViolentCommunicationandithasopenedmy

eyestotheimportanceoffocusingintentlyonotherpeople’sfeelingsandneeds,aswellasmyown.ButIhavetobehonestandsaythatIpersonallyfindthattheparaphrasingtechniquevergesonbeingtoomechanical.WhenIhavetrieditduringdifficultandconfrontingconversationswithmypartnerandotheradults,Ifeelself-consciousandsomewhatartificial.PerhapsIjustlackpractice(indeed,mytrainertoldmeitcantakesixmonthstostartapplyingNVCinanatural,unaffectedway).WhereIfinditeasiertodo–andwhereI’venoticedstartlingresults–iswithmyfour-year-oldchildren.Manytimeswhenmysonordaughterhasthrownatantrumorburstintotears,I’vehelpedthemnametheirfeelingsandneeds,sayingsomethinglike,‘AreyoufeelingfrustratedbecauseIcan’tplaywithyourightnow?’or‘AreyoufeelingangrywithmebecauseI’veturnedoffthecomputerbeforeyoufinishedwatchingthevideo?’Andthenanearmiraclecanoccur:theystopcrying,theynodtheirheads,theytellmehowtheyarefeelingthroughtheirsnifflesandsobs,Igetachancetoexplainmyviewpoint,andeverythingcalmsdown.Itseemsthatonsomefundamentallevel,theyjustwanttobelistenedtoandunderstood(anddon’tweall?).Thiskindofempathiclisteningstrategynowappearsinmanyparentingmanuals,suchasthebestsellingHowToTalkSoKidsWillListenAndListenSoKidsWillTalk,whichexplicitlyadvisesparentstoputthemselvesintheirchildren’sshoes,andacknowledgeandhelparticulatetheirfeelings.25Afurtherproblemofradicallisteningisthatifyoureallyopenyourselfwith

presencetootherpeople’sfeelingsandneeds,thenyoumightbecomeoverwhelmedbytheexperience,resultinginemotionaldistressandinaction.Forexample,youhearsomeone’sstoryabouttheirchild’sdeath,andyoufinditincrediblyupsetting,andalmostfeelyoucan’tbeartheirpain.Psychologistssometimescallsthis‘empathicoverarousal’,whichyoucanthinkofasleapingtoofarintosomeoneelse’simagination.Ithasbeenobservedespeciallyamongstthoseworkinginemotionallyextremeandtraumaticsituations,suchasnursescaringforterminallyillchildren,humanitarianaidworkers,andtherapistswhoseclientshavesufferedsexualabuse.26OnetherapistIspokewithdescribedhowiteventuallyledhimtoleavetheprofession:

Inordertobeahalf-decentpsychotherapist,Ihadtobeabletoaccuratelyimaginethelifeandfeelingsofthepersoninfrontofme.WhenIwasactuallydoingthework,Iwasabsorbedandgotasenseofsatisfactionfromit.Whenpeopletoldmetheirstoriesoftraumaandpain,Icouldholdit,containitandhelpthemlearntomanagetheirdepression.TheproblemwasIdreadedmyjob.OnSundaysIdreadedthecomingweek,anddidn’tsleepwellonworknights.Ipickeduptheirtraumafromthem,itwasalmostlikeIwasholdingtheirdepression.Thefeelingsofdreadbegantodominatethefeelingsofsatisfaction.I

grappledwithitforaboutthreeyearsafteritreachedatippingpoint.EventuallyIburnedoutandgaveupmypractice.27

Iamnotawareofanysystematicstudiesrevealingexactlyhowmanypeoplesufferfromthiskindofempathicoverload,orhowoftenitpreventsthemfromtakingactiononthebehalfofothers.Butgiventhatempathyis‘normallydistributed’(inthesenseofthefamiliarbellcurve)amongstthepopulation,afairestimateisthatitaffectsaroundonly4to5percentofpeopleonaregularbasis,andperhapsalargerproportionmoreoccasionally.28Isthereanythingyoucandoaboutit?Acommonapproachistodevelopself-

defencemechanismstoshieldyourselffromtheemotionalintensityofotherpeople’ssuffering.SomethingI’venoticedamongstinternationalaidworkersisthattheyoftenhaveaverydarksenseofhumour,whichhelpscreateaprotectivementalwalltodealwiththedistresstheyconfrontonadailybasis.Psychotherapistsfrequentlylimitthenumberofhighlytraumatisedclientstheytakeon,andmakesuretheyhavesomeonetotalktothemselvesaboutchallengingcases(it’scalled‘supervision’).Oneusefulstrategyistodevelopaself-awarenessofwhereyourownboundarieslie,soyoucanstepawayfromconversationsandsituationsthatarepushingyouovertheempathicedge.AsthepsychotherapistPhilippaPerryexplainedtome,‘Inordernottoburnoutfromempathicoverload,youhavetosetyourboundarybeforereachingyourlimit;inotherwords,fityourownoxygenmaskbeforehelpinganyoneelsewiththeirs.’Whentakinglongcallsatasuicidecentre,shemadesuretohaveabreakordebriefwithcolleaguesaftereachcall,ensuringshehadplentyofoxygenbeforetryingtoempathisewiththenextcaller.29Empathicoverarousalisaseriousproblem,butweshouldrememberthatit

affectsonlyaminorityofpeople.Thelargersocialchallengeisthatafargreaterproportionofussufferfromanempathydeficitratherthanadebilitatingempathysurplus.

Takeoffyourmask

I’mallforempathiclistening.Butthereisadangerofturninglisteningintoacult.Openatypicalcommunicationsskillsbook(especiallyonefromthebusinessshelves)anditwillrepeatedlyemphasiselisteningbutsayalmostnothingabouttheopposite,whichistakingoffyourmaskandsharingpartofyourselfwiththeotherperson.Toooftenweactlikethefestival-goersattheannualCarnivalinVenice,concealingouridentitiesbehindamask.Weholdbackouremotions,hideourfears,andkeepouranxietiesburiedwithinus.Butempathicrelationshipscannoteasilydevelopunlesswerevealourselvesandseekconnection.Empathyisbuiltupon

mutualexchange:ifweareopenwithothers,theyaremuchmorelikelytobeopenwithus.Soweneedtothinkofconversationasatwo-waydialoguetocreatemutual

understanding.AsTheodoreZeldinsuggests,atitsheart,conversationisaboutreciprocity:

Whatisaconversation?Itismuchmorethantalk,whichcanbemerechattingaboutnothinginparticular,orcommunication,whichneedbenomorethantransmissionofinformationtoapassiveaudience.Conversationisshared,reciprocalnourishmentthatenableshumanstocreateandexchangetrust,wisdom,courageandfriendship.Wheneverinthepasthumanshavewantedtochangethewaytheylivedorthought,theyhavechangedthesubjectandthemethodsoftheirconversation.Conversationisassumingacrucialroleinbothpersonalandprofessionallife,andisbecomingacurrencyasimportantasmoney,whichenrichesbothpartieswithwhatmoneycannotbuy.30

Highlyempathicpeopleunderstandthatifwefailtotakeoffourmasks,andendupconstantlycensoringourselves,theresultcanbethatconversationbecomesstultified,repetitiveandlackingauthenticity.WefacethedangerofbecominglikethemalecharactersinVictoriannovels–allstiffupperlipandemotionalreticence.WeshouldwelcomethegiftoftheFreudianrevolution,whichhasexpandedthesocialspaceforpeopletotalkmoreopenlyabouttheissuesthatreallymattertothem,fromsexualinsecuritytofeelingsoflonelinessandpain.Atitscore,removingyourmaskisaboutembracingvulnerability.Theproblem

isthatweliveinaculturewheremakingyourselfvulnerable–exposingyouruncertainties,takingemotionalrisks–isconsideredafailing,andsomethingthatmostofuswouldratheravoid.EmotionsresearcherBrenéBrownturnsthisattitudeonitshead,arguingthatvulnerabilityisactuallygoodforus:

We’rebroughtupbelievingandbeingtaughtandseeingitmodelledinourparents,thatvulnerabilityisweakness,andthatgoingoutintotheworldwithoutarmourisbasicallyaskingforthehurtthatyouget.Buttome,vulnerabilityisnotweakness–it’sthegreatestmeasureofourcourage.31

Herstudiesrevealthepositiveoutcomesthatemergefromsteppingintothearenaofvulnerability.Itispreciselywhenweexposeourvulnerability,perhapsinarelationshiporatwork,that‘wehaveexperiencesthatbringpurposeandmeaningtoourlives’.Doingsomethingrisky–likeaskingforhelp,sharinganunpopularopinion,fallinginlove,admittingtobeingunconfidentorafraid–maymakeusfeelvulnerable,butitcanalsoresultindeeperrelationships,creativebreakthroughs,heightenedjoy,releaseofanxiety,andgreaterempathicconnection.32IsawthepowerofvulnerabilityinactionwhenIinterviewedBrenéBrownin

London,onstageinfrontofacrowdoffivehundredpeople.ThefirstthingshedidafterIintroducedherwastoturntowardsthepackedhallandsay,‘Idon’tknowwhybut…I’mfeelingreallynervous!’Fewpublicfigureswouldriskrevealingsomuch

oftheiruncertainty,buttheeffectwastomaketheaudiencefeelanimmediateempathyandwarmthforher(andIamsurewhatshesaidwasspontaneous,notplanned).Laterinourdiscussion,IaskedBrownhowfarweshouldgowhenrevealingour

innerselves.Whatlimitsshouldwesetontakingoffourmasks?Ontheonehand,shetoldme,weshouldnotthinkthatvulnerabilityisabout‘lettingitallhangout’–weoughttoavoid‘over-sharing’andsimplydumpingallouremotionsonothers.Ontheotherhand,ourambitionshouldbetoexperiencea‘vulnerabilityhangover ’.Ifyoureallytakethatbigstepandmakeyourselfvulnerableinconversationwithsomeone,thenitisprettylikelythatthenextmorningyouwillwakeupthinking,‘OhmyGod!WhydidIsharethat?WhatwasIthinking?’Butifyoudon’tfeelanyvulnerabilityhangover,thenmaybeyoudidnotgofarenough.Whenwasthelasttimeyouwokeupwithone?Whilemanypeoplefeeltheycanbevulnerablewiththeirpartnerorclosefriends,

oneplacetheyoftenconsiderittabooisintheworkplace.WhenIdiscussthisissueincoursesIrunatTheSchoolofLife,typicallyaroundhalfthepeopleintheroomadmitthattheyarereluctanttorevealtheirinnerfeelingsandfearsattheoffice.Canyoureallysayinameetingthatyoudon’thavetheself-confidencetoruntheproject?Canyouletontoyourbossthatthereasonyouarefallingbehindwithyourreportisthatyou’vejustbeenditchedbyyourgirlfriendandareemotionallyfragile?Theanswermaywellbe‘nochance’,especiallyifyouhappentoworkinamachoenvironment.Youmightworrythatpeoplewillthinkyouareweak,orincompetent,orlackthemettletobeateamleader.Maybeyouareanxiousthattakingoffyourmaskcouldriskyourchancesforpromotion.Therearesomegoodreasonstohavesuchconcerns.Manyworkplacesare

empathicdeserts.ThepsychologistOliverJamesarguesthatthebusinessworldinparticularhasanunusuallyhighproportionofpeoplewhoexhibita‘darktriad’ofdisturbingpersonalitytraits:theycanbeMachiavellian,narcissistic,andevenpsychopathic.Thosewithpsychopathictendencies,whomhedescribesas‘highlyimpulsivethrill-seekerswholackempathyforothers,’are‘fourtimescommoneramongseniorexecutivesthanintheordinaryworkforce’.33IfyourdeskhappenstobenexttosomeonewiththeemotionalsensitivityofGordonGekko(theruthlesscorporateraiderfromthefilmWallStreetwhoquipped‘lunchisforwimps’),thenyoumaybemorethanalittlereluctanttoexpressevenashredofvulnerability.Brown’sresponseisthatweneedtoforgeworkcultureswherevulnerability,and

theempathythatithelpstogenerate,arenotjustacceptedbutpositivelyadmired.Assheexplainedtome:

Whenvulnerabilityisnottoleratedintheworkplace,wecanforgetaboutinnovation,creativity,andengagement.Thoseareallfunctionsofvulnerability.Youwillneverbeabletoconvincemethatbeingvulnerableandhuman,andgettinggoodworkdone,aremutuallyexclusive.Ijustdon’tbuythatargument.It’safalsedichotomy.

Shedrivesherpointhomewithexamplesoftopentrepreneurswhosaythatthegreatestbarriertopath-breakingnewbusinessideasisthatthosewhohavethemfearbeingridiculed,laughedat,andbelittledbycolleagues,becausetrulyinnovativeideastendtosoundcrazy.34Sovulnerabilityandcreativitygohandinhand.MarshallRosenbergalsomakesthecaseforvulnerabilityatwork,arguingthatthosewhoriskitoftengetpositiveresponses,sinceasurprisingnumberofpeoplecanbemovedbyemotionalopennessandhonesty.35Moreover,ifyouadmittouncertainty,itcangiveothersthepermissiontodosotoo–andmaybeyouwilldiscoverthatyourhard-nosedmanagerisjustasfragileandlackinginconfidenceasyouare.Suchviewsarepartofanewmovementinbusinessthinkingmaintainingthat

emotionalintelligence,opennessandsensitivityarekeystosuccessintoday’shighlyinterconnectedandrapidlychangingglobaleconomy.Weneedtoconceiveoforganisationsnotasmachines,butasnetworksofhumanrelationships.Itisamistaketobelievethatdemonstratingtraitssuchasempathyorvulnerabilitywillleadtoyoubeingtreatedasadoormatbyunfeelingandbackstabbingco-workers;rather,theywillhelpyousurviveandflourish.36BillDrayton,theworld’smostrenownedsocialentrepreneurandfounderoftheAshokafoundation,arguesthatempathyisanabsoluteprerequisiteforgoodteamworkandorganisationalleadership:

Anyonewhodoesnotmasterthecomplexsocialskillofguidinghisorherbehaviourthroughappliedempathywillbemarginalised.Iftheirteamistosucceed,theymustmasterteamwork,whichinturnrestsonappliedempathy…Ifyouaren’tgiventhetoolsofappliedempathyasayoungchild,weshouldn’tbeblamingyou–weshouldbeblamingus.Wehavetohavearevolutionsothatallyoungpeoplegraspempathyandpractiseit.Thisisthemostfundamentalrevolutionthatwehavetogetthrough.37

Wecanmakeiteasiertorevealourvulnerability,whetheratworkorelsewhere,ifwepositionourselveswithina‘communityofempathy’.Takingoffourmasksofteninducesfeelingsofshame–thatwearesmallandweak,thatwearenotresilient,thatwearenotgoodenough.ButasBrenéBrownpointsout,‘Theantidotetoshameisempathy…ifwecanshareourstorywithsomeonewhorespondswithempathyandunderstanding,shamecan’tsurvive.’38Themessagehereisthatweshouldlooktopeoplewhowilllendusanempathicear,andlistentoouranxietiesanduncertainties.Inotherwords,wecanbestexpandourownempathyifwesurroundourselveswithit.Ifyoudrewamapofyoursocialsupportnetwork,howmanypeoplecouldreallyofferyoutheempathyyouneed?Itmaybetimetoseekthemout.

Concernfortheother

Itisquitepossibletoshowawillingnesstoremoveyourmask,ortobeanexcellentlistener,butstilltakeaself-centredandutilitarianapproachtoconversationbyputtingyourpersonalinterestsbeforeanybodyelse’s.Youmightviewcommunicationasawayofgettingwhatyouwant,meetingyourownemotionalneeds,orcontrollingandmanipulatingpeople.Thatiswhyhighlyempathicpeoplebringanattitudeofconcernfortheotherintotheirconversations,andstrivetofocusontheotherperson’sinterestsandwellbeing,notjusttheirown.Theimportanceofthistraitbecomesclearinthedebateoverso-called‘empathy

marketing’.Duringthepastdecade,empathyhasbecomeapopularconceptintheadvertisingandmarketingindustries,whereittendstobeseeninpurelyinstrumentalterms.InhiscorporatebestsellerPersuasion:TheArtofInfluencingPeople,JamesBorgdescribesempathising–especiallytheartofaccuratelyreadingpeople’semotionsinface-to-faceconversation–asakeysalesskilltogiveyou‘acompetitiveedgethatcanreallysetyouapartandhelpyougetwhatyouwant’.‘Whenyoulookatthebehavioursandmindsetsofthemostsuccessfulpeoplearound,’writesBorg,‘it’sapparentthattheyhaveagreatunderstandingoftheroleofempathy.’39Numerousmarketingwebsitesoffertipsonhowtouseempathiccommunicationstrategiestolureincustomers,suchasaskingpeopleabouttheirfamiliestohelpmakeapersonalconnection,ensuringthatyoulookpeopleintheeyewhentalkingtothem,andbecomingobservantoftheirbodylanguageandtoneofvoiceasawayoftuningintotheirstateofmind.Onemarketingconsultantobserves,‘Obviousthoughempathiccommunicationtechniquesmaybe,myclientsroutinelyneglecttousethem…andleavebillionsofdollarsonthetableasaresult.’40Therearenowfirmsspecialisinginempathymarketing,trainingtelesalesworkerstomakepeoplefeelasiftheyarereallybeinglistenedto.41Aninsightfulcommentatoronthisgrowingroleforempathyinbusinessisthe

politicalscientistGaryOlson.Hearguesthatempathymarketing–orwhathealsocalls‘neuromarketing’–isoftendescribedinbenevolenttermsasawayforbusinessestorespondtoconsumers’needsanddesires,bytryingtodevelopasophisticatedunderstandingofhowtheythinkandfeel.Butinreality,saysOlson,itislittlemorethanacleverstrategytoboostsalesandprofits:‘Inshort,puttingoneselfinanother ’sshoesisatechniqueforsellingthemanotherpair.’42Underthisinterpretation,empathyishavingitsmoralcontentsuckedoutofitbecausethemarketingindustrydisplayslittlegenuineconcernforconsumers’welfare.IsempathymarketingasperniciousasOlsonclaims?Arebusinessesusing

empathiccommunicationstechniquestoexploittheircustomersratherthantobesensitivetotheirinterests?Lookingbackovertheriseofmassconsumerism,hemaywellberight.Althoughtheconceptofempathyisanewoneinbusinesscircles,ithasbeenusedbymarketingexperts–inallbutname–fornearlyacentury.ThefirstgreatmasterofempathymarketingwasnolessthanSigmundFreud’snephew,

EdwardBernays,whofoundedthepublicrelationsindustryintheUnitedStatesinthe1920s.Bernayshadfullyabsorbedhisuncle’sdiscoveriesinpsychoanalysis,butgavethemacapitalisttwist:herealisedthatthemosteffectivewaytosellaproductwasnottoofferconsumersarationallistofreasonswhyitwassogood,buttodelvedeeperbysubtlytappingintoandengagingwiththeirunconsciousdesiresandemotions.Inotherwords,toempathisewiththem.TheeffectivenessofhisapproachwasbrilliantlydemonstratedinNewYorkCity

in1929,whenBernayswashiredbytheAmericanTobaccoCompanytobreakthetabooagainstwomensmoking,sothatthefirmcouldopenupahugenewmarket.Thinkingtactically,BernayspersuadedasmallgroupofdebutantestolightupLuckyStrikecigarettesinfullpublicviewduringthecity’sannualEasterParade.Meanwhile,heclaimedtothepressthattheyoungwomenweresuffragettespuffingon‘torchesoffreedom’inasymboliccallforequalrightsforwomen.Hisstrategywasaspectacularsuccess:womenacrossthecountrytookupsmoking.AsAdamCurtisexplainsinhisdocumentaryseriesTheCenturyoftheSelf:

WhatBernayshadcreatedwastheideathatifawomansmoked,itmadehermorepowerfulandindependent–anideathatstillpersiststoday.Itmadehimrealisethatitwaspossibletopersuadepeopletobehaveirrationally,ifyoulinkedproductstotheiremotionaldesiresandfeelings.Theideathatsmokingactuallymadewomenfreerwascompletelyirrational,butitmadethemfeelmoreindependent.43

Thisiswhatempathymarketingisallabout–steppingintopeople’sshoes,understandingtheirmindset,andthenusingtheinsightstosellthemyourproduct.OlsonpointsoutthatithasbeenaprevalenttechniqueinthetobaccoindustryeversincetheeraofEdwardBernays.In1994PhilipMorrisranwhatitinternallyreferredtoasan‘empathycampaign’foritsBenson&Hedgesbrandinthefaceofgrowingoppositiontosmokinginpublicspaces.Theirmarketingplanmakesexplicitreferenceto‘empathypositioning’andconveyingtheideathat‘Benson&Hedgesunderstandsthesocietalpressuresandconstraintsuponsmokersinthe1990s(Empathy)’.Thecampaignadsshowedimagesofpeopletakingcrazyriskstoenjoyacigarette.Inone,agroupofsmokersarepuffingawayskyhighonanaeroplanewing,accompaniedbythecaption,‘Haveyounoticedallyoursmokingflightshavebeencancelled?’Thetaglinereads,‘TheLengthYouGoToForPleasure’.44Itisnotonlytobaccocompaniesthatunderstandthepowerofempathy.Asmy

childrengrowup,Inoticejusthowmuchtheadvertisingindustryusesempathytoenticethemtobuyproductsthatarenotnecessarilygoodforthem–andoftenpositivelyharmful.Anobviousexampleisfastfoodadverts,whicharerepletewithpuppets,cartoonsandgigglingchildrentoconvincethemthateatingburgersandfriesisfunandhealthyratherthanaone-waystreettoobesityandheartdisease.Theadvertisersknowexactlyhowtoexcitemychildren’smindsandmaketheirmouths

waterwithdesire.TheMcDonald’sCorporationhasbeentargetingchildreninitsadvertisingcampaignssincethe1950s–howmanychildrentodaywouldfailtorecognisethefriendlyclownfaceofRonaldMcDonald?FounderRayKrocexplainedthelogic:‘AchildwholovesourTVcommercialsandbringshergrandparentstoaMcDonald’s,givesustwomorecustomers.’45Thecurrentemphasisinmarketingonusingempathiccommunicationtechniques

tostepintotheshoesofcustomersandclientswouldseem,therefore,tobeacontinuationofthislong,instrumentaltraditionofputtingempathytoworkforthebenefitofthebalancesheet.Yetthisconclusionistoosimplistic.Weneedtoaskaquestion:‘Wheredoesthecorporatedesiretoempathisecomefrom?’Theevidencerevealsaspectrumofmotivations.Atthelow-empathyendofthespectrumarecompaniesthattrytounderstandpeople’smindsprimarilyfortheirownfinancialbenefitratherthanduetoanygenuineconcernfortheircustomers’welfare.Inotherwords,theycanresemblepsychopathswhoareskilledatcognitiveempathybutseemtobemissingacapacityforaffectiveempathy.46Hereyouwillfindaclusteroffirmssellingproductslikecigarettes,sugarysweetsandjunkfood,aswellasbettingshopsandcasinos.Atthehigh-empathyendofthespectrum,however,arebusinessesthatuse

empathicmethodswiththeintentionofimprovingthequalityofpeople’slivesbytryingtounderstandandmeettheirneedsratherthanmanipulatetheirdesires.Thesearethekindsofcompaniesthataremotivatedbymorethanjustthefinancialbottomline.WhenPatriciaMoorewasdesigningkitchenutensils,andstrappedherhandswithsplintstosimulatewhatitwaslikeforsomeonewitharthritichandstouseapotatopeeler,herprimaryobjectivewasnottomaximizeprofitsforherconsultancy.Rather,shehadanintrinsicdesiretomakeaproductthatolderpeoplewouldfindvaluableindailylife.47Similarly,whenIwasproudlypushingmynewborntwinsaroundintheirdoublebuggy,itbecameobviousthatithadbeendesignedtomeettheneedsofparentslikeme:itwaseasytoturntheseatsaroundsotheycouldfaceme,itwasbuilttotraverseruggedterrain,andithadplentyofspacetostorenappiesandshoppingunderneath.Thecompanyhadprobablyspentasmallfortuneonfocusgroupstofindoutwhatfeaturesnewparentswerereallyafter–andI’mpersonallygladtheymadethisefforttoempathisewiththeircustomers.Relativelyfewfirmscanhonestlyclaimtobeatthehigh-empathyendofthe

spectrum.Mostuseempathiccommunicationtechniquestokeeptheirprofitmarginshealthyandshareholdershappy,ratherthantoboostconsumerwellbeingandwelfare.Empathyisreducedtobeingatooltohelpcompaniessucceedinanarrowmonetarysense.Insuchcasestheterm‘empathymarketing’issomethingofamisnomer–it’snotmuchmorethanplainold‘marketing’.Empathymarketingservesasawarningforhowweapproachthecraftof

conversationinourownlives.Weneedtoremainvigilantofourintentionswhen

communicatingwithothers.Ifweletself-interestgetthebetterofus,andconversationbecomesameansfordominating,manipulatingandgettingourownway,thenwearebetrayingtheempathicideal.Ontheotherhand,ifourconversationsareledbyconcernforothers,thenourempathisingwillbearthemarkofintegrity.

Creativespirit

Atitsbest,conversationisaformofadventure.LiketheideaofSocraticdialogue,ifyoubringtwopeopletogetherwithdifferentviewpointsandexperiences,theencounterbetweenthemcancreatesomethingunexpectedandnew.Thisisjustwhathappenedintheearly1950swhenFrancisCrickandJamesWatsonimmersedthemselvesinendlessdiscussionsaboutgeneticsfromtheirdifferentdisciplinaryperspectives–aconversationthatresultedinthediscoveryofthestructureofDNA.AsTheodoreZeldinwrites:

Conversationisameetingofmindswithdifferentmemoriesandhabits.Whenmindsmeet,theydon’tjustexchangefacts:theytransformthem,reshapethem,drawdifferentimplicationsfromthem,engageinnewtrainsofthought.Conversationdoesn’tjustreshufflethecards:itcreatesnewcards…Asatisfyingconversationisonewhichmakesyousaywhatyouhaveneversaidbefore.48

Afifthtraitofhighlyempathicpeopleisthattheyapproachconversationinthiscreativespirit.Theybelievethatbydelvingintotheworldviewofanotherperson,andsharingtheirownwiththem,theymightemergeslightlyalteredbytheexperience,andhaveempathicinsightsthatofferfreshthoughtsandperspectives.Forthistohappeninourownlives,weneedtobreakthepatternofdialoguethatdwellsonthesuperficialandskatesoverthesurfaceofourmostimportantconcernsandpriorities.Therearegreatbenefitsofdoingso.AstudyattheUniversityofArizonarevealedthatpeoplewithhighlevelsoflifesatisfactionor‘happiness’havetwiceasmanysubstantiveconversations(e.g.aboutlove,religion,politics)andengageinonlyone-thirdasmuchsmalltalk(e.g.gossip,talkingabouttheweather)thanthosewithlowlifesatisfaction.49Theresearchsuggeststhatconversation,likeempathy,isgoodforus.Howshouldwegoabouthavingmoreofthesecreativeandsubstantive

conversations?Onereasonthatconversationallifecanlackdepthandexcitementisthatweeasilyfallintousingformulaicquestionstoopenadialogue–Howareyou?Whatwastheweatherlike?Whatdoyoudo?Howwasyourweekend?Althoughsuchquestionscanbeimportantsociallubricants,inthemselvestheygenerallyfailtosparkanengagingandenrichingempathicexchange.Weanswer‘fine’or‘OK’thenmoveondownthecorridor.

Thewayaconversationbeginscanbeamajordeterminantofwhereitgoes.Soitisworthexperimentingwithadventurousopenings.Insteadofgreetingaworkmatewith‘Howarethings?’,trytakingyourconversationinadifferentdirectionwithsomethingmildlyunusuallike,‘Whathaveyoubeenthinkingaboutthismorning?’or‘Whatwasthemostsurprisingthingthathappenedtoyouovertheweekend?’Youneedtocomeupwiththekindsofquestionsthatsuityourownpersonality.Thepointistobreakconventionssoyourconversationsbecomeenergising,memorableandvehiclesforempathicdiscovery.(Irecommendsteeringclearofclichéslike,‘Ifyoucouldbeanyanimal,whatwouldyoube?’)Bytheway,ifyouareboldwithyourquestions,peoplewon’tthinkyouaremad–justalittleeccentric.Andtheymighteventhankyouforit.

Sheercourage

Thereisafinalconversationalhabitthatisessentialformakingtheempathicleapintootherminds,andthatservesasacommondenominatorofthoseIhavealreadydiscussed:sheercourage.Weneedcouragetoexperimentwithcreativeopenings,toputothers’concernbeforeourown,totakeoffourmasks,tolistensensitivelytopeople’sfeelingsandneeds,andtoexercisecuriosityaboutstrangers.Moreover,courageenablesustohavethosereallydifficultconversationsthatwewouldmuchratheravoid,butwhichmayofferthegreatestscopeforcementingempathicattachments.Whatdoesacourageousconversationlooklike?JoBerryknows.In1984,whenJowastwenty-seven,herfather,ConservativeMPSirAnthony

Berry,waskilledbyanIRAbombatthePartyConferenceinBrighton.In1999,oneoftheIRAmemberswhohadbeenconvictedforthebombing,PatMagee,wasreleasedfromprisonunderthetermsoftheGoodFridayAgreement.Jo’simmediateresponsewasadesiretomeethim.Shefeltthatattemptingtocreatearelationshipwiththemanwhohadkilledherfatherwaswhatsheneededtoovercomeheranguishandanger.‘IwantedtomeetPattoputafacetotheenemy,andseehimasarealhumanbeing,’shesaid.Patagreedtotalkwithher,andsincetheirfirstencountertheyhavemetoverfiftytimes,gradually–andoftenpainstakingly–developinganunderstandingofoneanother ’sperspectivesonthebombing.‘FormethequestioniswhetherIcanletgoofmyneedtoblame,andopenmyheartenoughtohearPat’sstoryandunderstandhismotivations,’explainsJo,‘andthetruthisthatsometimesIcanandsometimesIcan’t.’JoisoftenaskedwhethersheforgivesPat,andherresponseisthatforgivenessisnottherightword.Whatreallymatters,shesays,isempathy:

Idon’ttalkabout‘forgiveness’.Tosay‘Iforgiveyou’isalmostcondescending–itlocksyouintoan‘usandthem’scenariokeepingmerightandyouwrong.Thatattitudewon’tchangeanything.ButIcan

experienceempathy.SometimeswhenI’vemetwithPat,I’vehadsuchaclearunderstandingofhislifethatthere’snothingtoforgive.I’verealisedthatnomatterwhatsideoftheconflictyou’reon,hadwealllivedeachother’slives,wecouldallhavedonewhattheotherdid.Inotherwords,ifIhadcomefromaRepublicanbackground,IcouldeasilyhavemadethesamechoicesPatmade.50

Jo’scouragetoempathisewiththeenemyhashadamajorimpactonherlife.Shehasforgedanunlikelyandremarkablefriendship,foundawaytodealwithherdespairaboutherfather ’sdeath,andhasbeenmovedtostartanorganisationcalledBuildingBridgesforPeace,whichaimstousedialogueandnon-violencetopromotepeacefulsolutionstoviolentconflicts.Herstoryshowsthatnotonlycanempathyemergeinthemostextremecontexts,

butithasthepowertotransformindividuallivesandcontributetosocialchange.Italsoraisesaquestion.IfJoBerrycanfindthecouragetotalktoPatMagee,couldn’tweeachdiscoverthecouragetoembarkonthosedifficultconversationsthatwehavebeenputtingoffformonthsorevenyears?Wemightissueourselvesachallenge:overthenexttwenty-fourhours,whatactioncouldwetaketobeginoneoftheseconversations?Perhapsyoucouldpickupthephoneandspeaktoyourdaughterabouttheissuethathasbeenkeepingyouapart.Ormaybewriteasnail-maillettertosomeoneyou’vehurtorbetrayed.Thechoice–andtheopportunity–isyours.

JoBerry(right)standingnexttoPatMagee,themanwhokilledherfather.

Empathywithyourself?

Havingnowexploredthesixelementsofthecraftofconversation–curiosityaboutstrangers,radicallistening,removingyourmask,concernfortheother,acreativespirit,andsheercourage–itbecomespossibletoappreciatejusthowpowerfulthesimpleactoftalkingtoanotherhumanbeingcanbeformakingtheempathicleapintotheirmind.Toharnessthefullpotentialofconversation,however,wemustalwaysbewaryofreducingittoasetoftechniques.Bringingeachelementtolifeinvolvesrethinkingyourphilosophyofconversationratherthanfollowingachecklistthattellsyouwhattosay,andexactlyhowandwhentosayit.Onlywithanattitudeoffreedomandspontaneitywillempathicconversationfullyflower.Butcouldtherebeaseventhelementinthecraftofconversation?Overthepast

twodecadesagrowingnumberofthinkershavesuggestedthatextendingempathytowardsotherpeople,particularlyinconversations,requiresadegreeof‘self-empathy’.51Ifwecannotempathisewithourselves,theybelieve,wewilllackthepsychologicalfoundationsnecessarytoconnectwithothers.Advocatesofself-empathytypicallydescribeitasbecomingawareofourownfeelingsandneeds,andnotconstantlybeatingourselvesupandjudgingourselvestooharshly(e.g.notblamingourselves,feelingguilty,orbeingconsumedbyasenseoffailure).Insomefundamentalway,self-empathyisaboutbeinggoodtoyourselfandlikingwhoyouare.Despiteitsincreasingpopularity,Iamscepticalaboutthenotionofself-empathy.

Onereasonisthatitstrikesmeasconceptuallyflawed.Thecentralmeaningofempathy,formorethanacentury,hasbeenaboutbreakingoutoftheboundariesoftheself,andcomprehendingthefeelingsandperspectivesofotherpeople.Itisaboutlookingthroughtheireyesratherthanstaringintoyourinnerself–thatis,empathyconcernsoutrospectionratherthanintrospection.Asecondreasonisthatitmakesthemeaningofempathytoobroadandindistinct.Onceempathybecomesassociatedwiththewholegamutofwaysinwhichwethinkaboutourownself-worthandinternalemotionallandscape,thereisadangerthatitlosesitsanalyticalbiteandpotentialasaclearguidingconceptforindividualandsocialtransformation.JustasIbelievethewordempathyshouldnotbesimplyequatedwithactsofkindnessandeverydaygenerosity,sotooIthinkitshouldnotbewatereddowntocoverthevariousaspectsofwhathasbeendescribedas‘self-empathy’.Butthisisnottosaythathowwefeelaboutourselvesisunimportantforour

abilitytobondempathicallywithothers.Itisjustthatweneedanotherword.Whatarethecontenders?Oneis‘self-compassion’,atermthat,like‘self-empathy’,hasemergedsincethe1990sasaproductofourindividualistculture,butthatmayhavefirmerconceptualfoundations.DrawingonBuddhistnotionsofcompassion,psychologistKristinNeffdefinesself-compassionashavingthreecomponents:

‘self-kindness–beingkindandunderstandingtowardoneselfininstancesofpainorfailureratherthanbeingharshlyself-critical;commonhumanity–perceivingone’sexperiencesaspartofthelargerhumanexperienceratherthanseeingthemasseparatingandisolating;andmindfulness–holdingpainfulthoughtsandfeelingsinbalancedawarenessratherthanover-identifyingwiththem.’52Aswithself-empathy,however,Ifindself-compassionasomewhatconfusingidea,becausethelinguisticoriginof‘compassion’istoshareinthesufferingofanotherperson.ThesecondcomponentofNeff’sdefinitiontouchesonotherpeople’ssuffering,butnotthefirstorthird.MyownpreferenceistorevivetheancientGreektermphilautiaor‘self-love’.

TheGreeksrecognisedanegativeversionofself-love,whichwasaboutbeingself-interestedandnarcissistic,andonlyconcernedwiththepursuitofyourownwealth,powerandglory.Buttherewasalsoamorepositiveandhealthyversionofphilautia,whichwastheideathatifyoulikeyourselfandfeelsecureinyourself,thenyouwillhaveadeepwellofinneremotionalstrengthandself-knowledgetodrawupontocareaboutothers.Aristotlewasespeciallyawareoftheimportanceofthisbenevolentformofself-love,whenhewrote,‘Allfriendlyfeelingsforothersareanextensionofman’sfeelingsforhimself.’53IfAristotlewerealivetoday,Ithinkhewouldhavebeenanenthusiasticadvocate

ofphilautiaasanecessarybasisforempathicunderstanding,believingthatpeoplewhoarenotateasewiththemselvesorwhoharbouradegreeofself-loathingwillstruggletorelatetothefeelings,needs,andworldviewsofothers.Ifyouwanttostepintosomeoneelse’sskin,youneedtofeelcomfortableinyourown.Withahelpfuldoseofself-love,mostofuscanbecomefinepractitionersofthe

craftofconversation,andpenetratethegreatdarknessofhiddenthoughtsthatsurroundsus.

HABIT5TRAVELINYOURARMCHAIR

Canyouchangetheworldfromyourlivingroom?

‘ItwasthroughbooksthatIfirstrealisedtherewereotherworldsbeyondmyown;firstimaginedwhatitmightbeliketobeanotherperson,’wrotethenovelistJulianBarnes.1Itisanenticingthoughtthatreadingfictionmighthelpusescapethestraitjacketofouregosandpersonalexperiences,andexpandourempathichorizons.Manymodernliterarytheoristsare,however,decidedlysniffyaboutthenotion.‘Theyseetheideaastoomiddlebrow,tootherapeutic,tookitsch,toosentimental,tooOprah,’accordingtopsychologistStevenPinker.2Readingeventhemostmovingstory,saythecritics,mayhavealmostnoimpactonouractualbehaviour,andpossiblyleaveusmoreprejudicedthanwhenwebegan.Yetthereisagrowingbodyofevidenceconfirmingthatliterature,photography,filmandotherartformsdoindeedhavetheabilitytotakeusonimaginativejourneysintolivesthatareprofoundlyunlikeourown,andalsotoinspireempathicactsonthebehalfofothersoncewehaveputdownthenovelorleftthecinema.Highlyempathicpeoplerecognisethatwhilewordsandpicturesofferonly

second-handexperienceratherthantherealthing,theydeservetobetakenseriously,andnotdismissedaslittlemorethan‘empathylite’.Why?Becausearthasalonganddistinguishedhistory,goingbackcenturies,ofkickingourempathicselvesintoaction,beitforthestruggleagainstchildlabourortheanti-warmovement.Weneedtoexplorehowwecanbecomediscerninginourconsumptionofbooksandartworks,sothatwearenotsimplyentertained,butalsoempathicallyengaged.Ithinkofthisas‘armchairempathy’,aformoftravelthatyoucandoinyour

ownlivingroom.Butasyoureclineinyourrocker,thereisagoodchancethataswellashavingbooksbyyoursideoraDVDremotecontrolinyourhand,youareprobablyalsowithineasyreachofalaptoporsmartphone.Socialnetworks,videogames,chatroomsandotherformsofonlineculturehaveopenedupnewpossibilitiesforthepursuitofarmchairempathy,enablingustoconnectwithmillionsofpeoplearoundtheplanet.Thearrivalofthedigitalageraisesimportantquestionsforthefutureofempathy.CannetworkssuchasFacebookhelppromotemeaningfulhumanrelation-ships,oraretheyfuellingsuperficialinteractions?Are

wedeveloping‘e-personalities’thatamplifythenarcissisticsideofournaturesmorethanourhomoempathicus?Andwhatmighttheideal‘empathyapp’looklike?Aswewilldiscover,thepotentialoftheinternethasbeenexaggeratedanditmay

infactposeoneofthegreatestthreatstoaglobalempathyrevolution.First,though,let’stravelfromthedigitalagebacktotheIronAge,andtakeourseatsintheworldofancientGreektheatre.

Theatreandfilm:warthroughenemyeyes

Inthespringof472BCthepeopleofAthensqueueduptoseethelatestplaywrittenbyAeschylus,thefounderofGreektragedy.ThePersianswasanunusualproduction,andnotonlybecauseitwasbasedonanhistoricaleventratherthantheusuallegendsofthegods.Whatmusthavereallyshockedtheaudiencewasthatitwastoldthroughtheeyesoftheirswornenemy,thePersians,whoonlyeightyearsearlierhadfoughttheAtheniansattheBattleofSalamis.ItrecountsthestoryoftheexpeditionaryforcessentbythePersianmonarch

Xerxes,andhowtheinvaderswereutterlycrushedbytheirGreekrivals.WhenamessengerbringsnewsofthedefeatoftheirarmyandnavyatSalamis,thePersiancouncilofelderscryout:‘Ogriefandgriefagain!Weepeveryheartthathears/Thiscruel,unlooked-forpain.’InsteadofglorifyingtheAthenians,AeschylusfocusesattentiononthewivesoflostPersiansoldiers,who‘eachwithtendertearsinvain,weepsoutherlonelylife’.Theaudienceisdrawnintofeelthepersonalsorrowsoftheirmilitaryrivalsandtoseethebattlefromtheperspectiveofthevanquishedbarbarians.AlthoughsomeAthenianswatchingtheunfoldingdramamayhavebeengloating

overtheirvictorywithuncharitableSchadenfreude,Aeschyluswasaskingthemtoundertaketheradicalactofempathisingwiththedefeatedenemyjustattheirmomentoftriumph.EvenmorestrikingisthefactthattheplaywrighthadhimselffoughtthePersiansattheearlierBattleofMarathon,wherehisownbrotherhadbeenkilled.Perhapswhencomposingtheplay,hewasrememberingthatwhile191Atheniansdiedintheconflict,6,400Persianshadbeenkilled.‘Itwon’thaveescapedhim,’writestheclassicsscholarPeterSmith,‘thatmanyPersianwomenhadbeenwidowedthatday,thatmanymorePersianmothersthanGreekoneshadlosttheirsons.’TheirimaginedcriesmayhavebeenhauntingAeschyluseversince.3TragediessuchasThePersianswereperformedattheannualfestivalof

Dionysus,thegodoftransformation.Indeed,theGreeksbelievedthatdramacouldhaveatransformativeeffectontheaudience.UnlikethesocialisolationofwatchingaDVDathometoday,Greektheatrewasadeeplycommunalactivity,wheretheexperienceofweepingtogetherinresponsetothecharacters’personalsuffering

andmoraldilemmashelpedtostrengthenthebondsofcitizenship.Aristotleobservedthattragedyalsoeducatedtheemotions:itenabledpeopletoseetheirowntroublesinwiderperspective,andencouragedthosewhowereself-centredtofeelcompassionforothers.AsKarenArmstrongsuggests,whentheaudienceshedtearsforthePersiansorweremovedbythegriefofHeraclesafterhekillshiswifeandchildreninafitofdivinemadness,they

hadachievedaDionysianekstasis,a‘steppingout’ofingrainedpreconceptionsinanempathywhich,beforeseeingtheplay,theywouldprobablyhavedeemedimpossible…Tragicdramaremindsusoftherolethatartcanplayinexpandingoursympathies.Plays,filmsandnovelsallenableustoenterimaginativelyintootherlivesandmakeanempathicidentificationwithpeoplewhoseexperiencesareentirelydifferentfromourown.4

TheatrewasagenuinelypopularartforminAncientGreece:evenprisonersweretemporarilyreleasedfromgaolsotheycouldwatchthedramacompetitionsduringthefestivalofDionysus.Nowwearemuchmorelikelytositdowninfrontofafilmthantoseeaplay.Buthowoftendoourcinematicexperiencesresultinempathicekstasis,asteppingoutofourselves?Theanswerdependsonourpersonaltastes.Youcouldeasilyspendyourdayswatchingactionfilms,fantasyadventuresorcomediesthatrarelycatapultyouintotheperspectivesofotherpeople.Yetthereareasurprisinglylargenumberoffeaturefilmswhosepowerderivesfromthedirector ’sefforttocreateanempathicimmersionthatrivalsGreektragedy.Anespeciallyeffectivegenre,whoseoriginsgobacktoplayslikeThePersians,

iswarmoviesinwhichthestoryistoldfromtheviewpointofenemysoldiers.AnexampleappearsinapairoffilmsdirectedbyClintEastwood,releasedin2006,abouttheBattleforIwoJimaintheSecondWorldWar.Onefilm,FlagsofOurFathers,isafairlystandardportrayalofthesorrowsofwar,depictingthebattlethroughtheeyesofUSMarines.Moreunusually,LettersfromIwoJimarevealstheverysamebloodyencounterfromtheperspectiveofJapanesesoldiers–andisentirelyinJapanese.Byshowingthe‘enemy’standpoint,especiallythesufferingandhumiliationoftheirdefeat,thefilmquestionssimplisticnotionsofnationalism,patriotismandtriumphalism,andbreaksdownthebarriersbetween‘us’and‘them’.AsEastwoodremarkedofthefilm,‘Whatitboilsdowntoiswhenmothersarelosingtheirsons,whetherJapaneseorAmerican–whatevernationality–theirreactionalwayshasthesamepathos.’5Aeschyluswouldhavesurelyagreed.IfyouarelookingforanunforgettableexperienceofDionysianekstasis,thefilm

towatchfromthisgenreisthe1930versionofAllQuietontheWesternFront.BasedonthenovelbyErichMariaRemarque,ittellsthestoryofaGermanfootsoldier,PaulBäumer,whoenlistsinthefervourofschoolboypatriotismtofightagainsttheFrenchintheFirstWorldWar.Itisastonishingthatananti-warmoviefromtheperspectiveofaGermansoldierwasproducedinHollywoodonlyadozenyearsafterthearmistice.Anevengreaterachievementisthatitcontainswhatmay

bethemostpowerfulempathicsceneincinemahistory–onethatStudsTerkelthought‘tellsusallweneedtoknowoftheabsurdityofwar ’.6Paulissurroundedbygunfireandjumpsintoatrenchforcover.Aninstantlater,

aFrenchsoldierdropsintothetrenchwithhim.Withoutamomentofthought,Pauldrawshisdaggerandstabshiminthechest.Thesoldierismortallywounded,butstillbreathing.Paulwashesthebloodoffhishandsandthesoldierwrithesbeforehim,slowlydying.ThegunfirecontinuesandPaul,forcedtotakeshelterinthetrenchovernight,cannotescapethesoldier ’spresence.AtfirstheisirritatedbytheFrenchman’swheezingfinalbreaths,yetwiththepassinghoursheisovercomebyremorse.‘Iwanttohelpyou,’Paulpleads,offeringhisenemyalittlewater.Butitistoolate,thesoldierisdead.Paulrespondswithananguishedsoliloquy:

Ididn’twanttokillyou.Itriedtokeepyoualive.Ifyoujumpedinhereagain,Iwouldn’tdoit.Yousee,whenyoujumpedinhere,youweremyenemy–andIwasafraidofyou.Butyou’rejustamanlikeme,andIkilledyou.Forgiveme,comrade.Saythatforme.Sayyouforgiveme!…Oh,no,you’redead!Onlyyou’rebetteroffthanIam–you’rethrough–theycan’tdoanymoretoyounow…Oh,God!whydidtheydothistous?Weonlywantedtolive,youandI.Whyshouldtheysendusouttofighteachother?Iftheythrewawaytheseriflesandtheseuniforms,youcouldbemybrother.

Paulinthetrench,comfortingtheFrenchsoldierhehasjuststabbed.FromAllQuietontheWesternFront(1930).

Itisaclassicinstanceofhumanisingthe‘other ’:Paulhascometoseehisadversaryasafellowhumanbeingwhohasalsobeenusedasapawnbythegeneralsandpoliticians.Butthereisafinalmomentofempathicrecognitionstilltocome.Paulreachesinsidethesoldier ’scoatpocketanddrawsouthisidentification

papers.Hehasaname,GérardDuval,andthereisaphotoofhiswifeanddaughter.Paulnowunderstandsthathehaskillednotonlyabrotherinarms,butauniqueindividual,withafamily,withemotions,withahometogobackto,justlikehim.‘I’llwritetoyourwife,’hetellsthedeadman.‘I’llwritetoher.Ipromiseshe’llnotwantforanything.AndI’llhelpher,andyourparents,too.Onlyforgiveme.Forgiveme.Forgiveme…’Heweeps,hisheadatthefeetofthefrozenbodyofGérardDuval.AllQuietontheWesternFrontwontheAcademyAwardforBestPicturein1930

andwasaninternationalblockbusterseenbymillionsofpeoplearoundtheworld.Itsempathic,anti-warmessagehadanelectrifyingeffectthatwentfarbeyondthemoviehouses.‘HavingseenAllQuietontheWesternFrontIbecameapacifist,’remembersthefilmhistorianAndrewKelly.Sotoodidtensofthousandsofothers.EventheactorwhoplayedPaul,LewAyres,wasconvertedintoaconscientiousobjectorasaresultofhisrole,andrefusedtofightintheSecondWorldWar.Reflectingontheenormousinfluenceofthefilm,Ayresthoughtthatit‘showedtheGermansashavingthesamevaluesasyouandIhave…justpeoplecaughtupinthisthingthat’sbiggerthanallofus…AllQuietontheWesternFrontbecameoneofthefirstvoicesofuniversality…[itsaid]thatunitywaspossiblewithintheworld’.7Atthetimeofitsrelease,thefilmwasdeemedsopowerfulandincendiarythat

manygovernmentswentoutoftheirwaytostoppeoplewatchingit,believingthatitencouragedanti-nationalistandanti-warsentiment.AllQuietwasbannedinAustria,Italy,NewZealand,theSovietUnionandChina,andheavilycensoredinAustralia,France,andothercountries.ItwasespeciallycontroversialinGermany.ANazinewspaperdescribeditas‘aJewishlie’and‘ahatefilmslanderingtheGermansoldier ’.Onthefilm’sopeningnightinBerlin,Naziactivistsreleasedwhitemiceandstinkbombsinthecinema,causingariot,andJosephGoebbelsledastreetdemonstrationoutside.Sixdaysafterthepremiere,itwasbannednationwide.8WhenHitlercametopowerin1933,RemarquefledGermanytoSwitzerlandtoavoidpersecution.Hissisterwasnotsolucky:tenyearslater,inrevengeforherbrother ’sescape,shewasputontrialinaPeople’sCourtandbeheaded.Thereislittledoubtthatfilmscanignitethehomoempathicusthatdwellswithin

us.WecanjourneyintothelivesofpersecutedminoritiesthroughfilmssuchasSchindler’sList,ortheAustraliandramaRabbit-ProofFence,basedonatruestoryabouttwomixed-raceAboriginalgirls–partoftheso-called‘StolenGenerations’–attemptingtoescapeforcedinternmentinare-educationcampinthe1930srunbywhitegovernmentauthorities.AnalternativeisTheElephantMan,whichconcernstheVictoriansocialoutcastJohnMerrickwhowasdisfiguredbyaterribledisease;youwillneverforgethimcryingout,‘Iamnotananimal–Iamahumanbeing!’Otherfilmstransportusintodistantcultures,likethedilemmasofbeingayoung

boygrowinguponthestreetsofKabul(TheKiteRunner),orconveytheexperiencesofthoseconfrontinglife’schallenges,suchasbeingdeaf(ChildrenofaLesserGod)ordestitute(TheGrapesofWrath).Somedirectorsstrivetoconveythevisceralfeelingofbeinganotherperson:skilfulcameraworkinJulianSchnabel’sTheDivingBellandtheButterflycreatesanalmostunbearablesenseofbeingtrappedinsidethebodyofamanwhoiscompletelyparalysed,exceptfortheabilitytoblinkhislefteyelid.Theempathicimpactofafilmcanbeundermined,however,whenthereisan

overloadofcinematicwizardrythatgetsintheway.ArecentexampleisJamesCameron’ssci-fiextravaganzaAvatar,whichthepoliticalscientistGaryOlsondescribesas‘adangerouslyempathicfilmofthefirstorder ’(‘dangerous’,forhim,isapositiveattribute,meaning‘politicallyradical’).9Cameronwantsustoempathisewiththecyan-skinned,ten-foottall,nature-lovingNa’vipeople,whoseplanetisbeingdestroyedbyhumanbeingsandtheiranonymouscorporations–anobviousmetaphorforourcurrentdegradationoftheenvironmentandthehabitatsofindigenouspeoples.Themaincharacter,MarineJakeSully,literallyoccupiesthebodyofaNa’viand,bywalkingintheirshoes,isconvertedtotheirwayoflifeandtofightfortheircause.Theproblemisthatthisempathicmessagingisburiedunderanassaultofspecialeffectsandhi-techgadgetry,suchasspectacularflyingbattlesbetweengiantaliendragonsandmenacingspacecraftwithblazinggunfire.Incontrast,amoviesuchasAllQuietontheWesternFronthasasparse,theatre-likequalitythatbringsoutthepersonal,empathicmomentswithanemotionalpowerthatAvatarlacks.10Iamnotsayingthatweshoulddismissfilmsthatfailtosetourempathicbrains

alight,orthatdonotevenattempttodoso.Rather,mypointisthatcinemaoffersopportunitiesforsteppingintotheshoesofpeoplewhoseliveswemayneverhaveachancetounderstandthroughdirectexperienceorconversation.Wecanalldevelopthehabitofvaluingfilmsnotjustfortheirabilitytoentertainus,butfortheircapacitytostimulateustothinkandactwithgreaterempathicsensitivity.Sohereisanidea:setupyourownEmpathyFilmClub.Gathersomefriendsandjointlydrawupalistoffilmsonempathicthemesthatinterestyouall–maybethestrugglesofageingorlifeinprison.Afterwatchinganddiscussingthem,youcanthensharethemonline.

Photography:thepoliticalpowerofempathicimages

SincetheMiddleAges,ChristianpaintingsofthecrucifixionhavebeenusedtocommunicatethephysicalrealityofJesus’ssufferingonthecross.Earlyworkswerequitegenteel,butbythesixteenthcenturytheyhadbecomefarmoregory,

depictingnailspiercingflesh,gapingwoundsandseepingblood,sotheviewercouldbothseewhatChristenduredandalsofeelsomethingofhisbodilyagony.InMatthiasGrünewald’s1515IsenheimAltarpiece,forexample,Christ’storturouslyextendedarmsandupturnedfingersgivetheimpressionthathehasbeenstretchedoutonaninquisitor ’srackbeforebeingnailedtothecross.Justlookingatareproductionmakesmyfingerstwitchandhandssweat(andgivesmeafewgoosebumpstoo,despitemylackofChristianbelief).Thiskindofempathiccontagioneffectisentirelyintentional,suggestsarthistorianJillBennett:

Theimagesdevelopedfromthelatemedievalperiodwiththeexpressfunctionofinspiringdevotionwerenotsimplythe‘Bibleoftheunlettered’inthesenseoftranslatingwordsintoimages.Rather,theyconveyedtheessenceofChrist’ssacrifice,themeaningofsuffering,bypromotingandfacilitatinganempathicimitationofChrist.11

Theempathiceffectofpaintings–bothreligiousandsecular–hasbeenconfirmedbyresearchinthenewscientificfieldofneuroaesthetics.AstudyofworksbyMichelangeloandGoyaarguesthatthemirrorneuronsinourbrainsenableustohave‘automaticempathicresponses’,inwhichwedirectlyexperiencetheemotionalcontentoftheimagesthroughaprocessknownas‘embodiedsimulation’.12Yettowhatextentcanlookingatapicturenotjuststimulateourneuralnetworksbutactuallyresultinchangesinindividualandsocialbehaviour?Answerscanbefoundinphotography,whichbytheearlytwentiethcenturyhadreplacedpaintingasthedominantmediumforthestillimage.Tounderstandthepotentialforceofphotostoerodeourempathydeficits,weneedtotravelbacktotheearlydaysofsocialdocumentaryphotographyandtheground-breakingworkofLewisHine.ChildlabourwasrifeintheUnitedStatesatthebeginningofthelastcentury:

aroundoneineverysixchildrenagedunderfifteenwasemployedinindustryoragriculture.13In1904,theNationalChildLaborCommittee,amajorcharitablefoundation,wasfoundedtofightfornewlawstobantheuseofunder-ageworkers.Aspartoftheirstrategy,between1908and1924theyemployedLewisHine–aformerschoolteacherinNewYorkCity–todocumentcasesofchildlabouraroundthecountry.Itwasachallengingassignment:thelastthingfactoryownerswantedwasaphotographersnoopingaroundandgatheringevidenceofbarefootchildrenslavingawayonpovertywages.ButHinemanagedtotalkhiswayin,oftenpretendingtobeamachinerysalesmanorfireinspector,takingincriminatingphotosashewalkedthefactoryfloors.Overtheyears,hissubjectsincludedsix-year-oldswhorepairedthethreadsongiantspinningmachinesintextilemills,youngboysgrittedinblackdustfromworkingincoalmines,littlegirlswhoshuckedoystersincanneriesatthreeinthemorning,andthousandsoftheirfellowchildlabourersatworkincottonfields,sweatshops,andglassfactories.

LewisHine’sphotoofa‘littlespinner’intheMollohanCottonMill,Newberry,SouthCarolina,1908.Whatwasshethinking?

Hine’sshockingimageswereseenbypeoplenationwideinnewspapersandmagazines,andinastreamofpublicationsissuedbytheNationalChildLaborCommittee.Theywereundeniableevidencethatexploitativechildlabourwasareality–notjustafigmentoftheimaginationofProgressivereformers.Thephotoscreatedamasspublicoutcry.Onenewspaperreporter,whosawanexhibitionofHine’sworkinBirmingham,Alabama,wrote:

Therehasbeennomoreconvincingproofofthenecessityofchildlabourlaws…thanthesepicturesshowingthesuffering,thedegradation,theimmoralinfluence,theutterlackofanythingthatiswholesomeinthelivesofthesepoorlittlewageearners.Theyspeakfarmoreeloquentlythanany[written]work–anddepictastateofaffairswhichisterribleinitsreality–terribletoencounter,terribletoadmitthatsuchthingsexistincivilizedcommunities.14

AccordingtoculturalhistorianAlanTrachtenberg,whatmadeHine’simagessocompellingwasthattheywentbeyondcoldstatisticsandawakenedtheviewer ’s‘imaginativeempathywiththepicturedothers’,andcreatedan‘empatheticresponsetotheinnerhumanityofthesubjects’.15Theimagesprofoundlyaffectedpeopleonanindividuallevel,butalsoshiftedpublicpolicy.They‘weresodevastating’,writeshistorianRussellFreedman,that‘theyconvincedpeoplethattheUnitedStatesneededlawsagainstchildlabour ’.In1912theyhelpedbringabouttheestablishmentoftheUnitedStatesChildren’sBureau,afederalgovernmentagencychargedwithpreventingchildlabour.PartlyasaresultofHine’sphotos,thenumberofchildworkersintheUSwashalvedbetween1910and1920.16SinceHine’sera,socialdocumentaryphotographyhaspassedthroughseveral

definingstagesthathavereshapeditsempathicimpact.DuringtheGreatDepression

inthe1930s,DorotheaLangeandWalkerEvansproducedimagesenablingmillionsofAmericanstounderstandwhatitmightbeliketoexperienceruralpoverty–thewornanddesperatelookofamigrantmotherwithherhungrychildren,thetragicgazeofanAlabamatenantfarmer.Inthe1960s,photographsoftheVietnamWarrevealedthepowerofimagesofviolencetocreatepoliticalchange.NickUt’sphotoofanaked,napalmedgirlwasamongstthosethathelpedmobiliseoppositiontothewarintheUnitedStates–andsimultaneouslyconvincedmilitaryandgovernmentofficialsthattheyneededtomaintainfartightercontrolovertheimagesthatreachedthepubliceye.Suchphotographsoftenderivedtheirforcenotjustbygeneratingempathyforthevictims,butbyprovokingfeelingsofhorror,anger,moralrepugnanceandguiltintheviewer.17Thiswassimilarlythecasewiththeimagesoffamineindevelopingcountriesthatbegantoemergeinthelate1960s,suchasDonMcCullin’srenownedpictureofastarvingalbinoboyinBiafra.Bythemid-1970sphotographycriticswerestartingtoquestionwhetherimages

ofpovertyandviolencestillhadthepowertoproducesignificantsocialandempathicimpact.LeadingthechargewasSusanSontag,whoarguedinherinfluentialessayOnPhotographythatpeoplehadnowseensomanyimagesofsufferinganddestitutioninnewspapers,magazinesandontelevision,thattheynolongerhadmucheffect.‘Theshockofthephotographedatrocitieswearsoffwithrepeatedviewings,’shewrote,and‘intheselastdecades“concerned”photographyhasdoneatleastasmuchtodeadenconscienceastoarouseit’.18Sincethen,Sontag’smanypostmodernfollowershavereinforcedhermessagethatwehaveseriouslyoverdosedonimagesofmisery,socialinjusticeandhumanrightsabuses.Lookingatanewspaperphotoofrefugeesscramblingforrationsorachildsoldierstaringdownthecameralensmightstillsometimesshockusorinducefeelingsofpity,buttypicallydoeslittletogeneratesustainedempathicaction.Weare,theysuggest,victimsofemotionalfatigue.19Yetarewereallysoimmune?Thousandsoforganisationsworkingonsocial

justiceissuesclearlydonotagree,sincetheycontinuetousephotographstoalertthepublictohumansufferingandtogainsupportfortheircauses.Justlookatthecharityappealsthatcomethroughyourletterbox:animageofagirlwithamissingarmthatwasblownoffbyalandmine,orafamilynexttotheirhomethatwasreducedtorubblebyanearthquake.Humanitarianorganisationsknowfromtheirresearchthatwhilesomepeoplewillthrowthepamphletsstraightinthebin,otherswillbemovedtodonateortakeotherformsofaction.Overthelastdecadetherehasbeenanoticeableshiftinthekindsofphotographs

thatareusedforsuchpublicappeals,whichisrevealingofthegrowingimportanceofempathyinculturallife.Inthepast,aninternationaldevelopmentcharitymightshowaharrowingphotoofastarvingchildstandingforlorninaparchedlandscape.Theseimageswereusedtoconveyhelplessness,sufferingandtheviolationof

childhoodinnocence,andtheirmaineffectwastoinvokesympathyandguiltintheviewer.Whilethesekindsofphotographsremaincommon,weareincreasinglylikelytoseeimagesthatportraythesubjectswithdignityandasenseofempowerment,suchasagroupofwomenfarmersinAfricacarryinghoesontheirshouldersorchildrenplayingtogethernearanewwaterwell.Thelatterphotosaremuchmoreaboutempathythansympathy:theyrevealourcommonhumanitywiththesubjects,andconveythattheydeserveourrespectratherthanourpity.Evenstrongerevidenceofthepowerofempathicphotographyemergesfrom

whatwedon’tsee,ormoreaccurately,whatwearenotpermittedtosee.IntherecentwarsinIraqandAfghanistan,forinstance,thousandsofsoldiersandcivilianshavebeenkilled,buthowoftenhaveweseenimagesoftheirmaimedandcharredbodies?Hardlyever.Westerngovernmentsregularlycensorthepictures,sowearenotexposedtotheshatteredskullofoneof‘our ’soldiers,orthebullet-riddencorpseofachildwhohappenedtogetinthewayofaraid,evenaftertheeveningwatershed(althoughweareallowedtolookatmutilatedbodiesinlate-nightcrimethrillers).TheBushAdministrationwentsofarastoprohibitmediaimagesoftheflag-drapedcoffinsofUSmilitarypersonnelkilledinactioninIraq.AspoliticalscientistGaryOlsoncontends,governmentstrytoshieldusfromphotographsoftheviolentrealitiesofwarbecausetheyworrythatourempathicresponsescouldjeopardisesupportformilitaryintervention:‘thetremendousamountofdeceptionandfraudexpendedbyUSelitesonbehalfofdampeningordenyingopportunitiesforempathicengagementarebasedonarealfearofthepublic’snascentsenseofempathy.’20Thisfearofempathicimagesisrevealingoftheirpotentiallysubversivepower.Howdoesthisallrelatetodevelopingourempathicselves?Ifwelistenedsolely

tocriticslikeSusanSontag,wemightplacelittlehopeinphotographyasawayofsteppingintootherpeople’slives.Butweneedtorecognisethatitcontinuestobeapotentmeansofhelpingusunderstandthepainandsufferingofstrangers.‘Whyarephotographssogoodatmakingusseecruelty?’askstheculturalthinkerSusieLinfield.‘Partly,Ithink,becausephotographsbringhometoustherealityofphysicalsufferingwithaliteralnessandirrefutabilitythatneitherliteraturenorpaintingcanclaim…Photographsexcel,morethananyotherformofeitherartorjournalism,inofferinganimmediate,viscerallyemotionalconnectiontotheworld.’21LewisHineknewthiswell,andhislegacylivesoninthegreatsocialdocumentaryandpoliticalphotographersofourownera,suchasJamesNachtwey,SebastiãoSalgado,GillesPeressandDavidGoldblatt.Photographyalsoworksbecauseitfeedsourvisualintelligence.Welearnnotjust

throughreadingwordsoranalysingstatistics,butbyhavingimagesbrandedontoourmindsandmemories.IfyouwanttounderstandlifeunderApartheidinSouthAfrica,youshouldcertainlyreadNelsonMandela’sautobiography.Butitcanbejust

asilluminatingtospendtimeatanexhibitionofDavidGoldblatt’sphotosfromthe1970sand1980sofAfrikanerfarmersandblackbuscommuters.Equally,anyonehopingtograspthehumanitarianconsequencesofwealthinequalityanddebtbondageinBrazilshouldturntoSebastiãoSalgado’sunforgettableimagesofworkersattheSerraPeladagoldmine.Photography,likefilm,remainsapotentmediumforourempathiceducation.

Literature:canwelearnempathyfromnovels?

Fornearlythreehundredyearsliterarycriticsandwritershavedebatedwhetherreadingfictionhasthepowertoexpandourempathyanddeepenourmorality.Intheeighteenthcentury,therewasagreatdistrustofliterature.Itwascommonlyarguedthatthegrowingcorpusofromanticnovels–especiallythosecomingfromFrance–wouldcorrupttheyoungandperverttheirimaginations,stirringuppassionsthatmightresultinillicitsexualactivity.DuringtheVictorianperiod,however,itwasincreasinglybelievedthatfiction,particularly‘socialproblem’novels,couldhaveapositiveinfluenceonindividualmoralityandciviclife.SpendinganeveningabsorbedinCharlesDickens’OliverTwistorHardTimesalertedthecomfortablemiddle-classreadertogrindingurbanpovertyandthegrowinggulfbetweenrichandpoorinindustrialEngland.22Amongstthemostvocalnineteenth-centuryadvocatesofthepowerofliteraturewasthenovelistGeorgeEliot(MaryAnneEvans).Shewasconvincedthatreadingcoulddevelop‘sympathy’,orwhatwewouldnowcallempathy:

Thegreatestbenefitweowetotheartist,whetherpainter,poetornovelist,istheextensionofoursympathies.Appealsfoundedongeneralizationsandstatisticsrequireasympathyready-made,amoralsentimentalreadyinactivity;butapictureofhumanlifesuchasagreatartistcangive,surpriseseventhetrivialandtheselfishintothatattentiontowhatisapartfromthemselves,whichmaybecalledtherawmaterialofmoralsentiment.WhenScotttakesusintoLuckieMucklebackit’scottage,ortellsthestoryof‘TheTwoDrovers,’–whenWordsworthsingstousthereverieof‘PoorSusan,’–whenKingsleyshowsusAltonLockegazingyearninglyoverthegatewhichleadsfromthehighwayintothefirstwoodheeversaw,–whenHornungpaintsagroupofchimney-sweepers,–moreisdonetowardslinkingthehigherclasseswiththelower,towardsobliteratingthevulgarityofexclusiveness,thanbyhundredsofsermonsandphilosophicaldissertations.Artisthenearestthingtolife;itisamodeofamplifyingexperienceandextendingourcontactwithourfellow-menbeyondtheboundsofourpersonallot.23

InrecentyearstherehasbeenarevivalofthisVictorianfaithinliteratureasavehicleforempathictransformation.ThephilosopherMarthaNussbaumrecommendsthereadingofrealistnovels,whichdwellontheexperiencesofeverydayliferatherthanbeingexcessivelyromanticorstylised.TherealistfictionofwriterssuchasDickensandEliotpromotes‘empatheticimagining’,whichisanessentialingredientforstrengtheningtheplaceofethicsinpubliclifeand

counteringourcultureofself-interest.Whenweimmerseourselvesinthestrugglesandsufferingofthecharactersonthepage,saysNussbaum,‘experiencingwhathappenstothemasiffromtheirpointofview’,theresultcanbethatwecometo‘concernourselveswiththegoodofotherpeoplewhoselivesaredistantfromourown’.PsychologistStevenPinkertakesasimilarposition,arguingthat‘readingisatechnologyforperspective-taking’andthatrealistfiction‘mayexpandreaders’circleofempathybyseducingthemintothinkingandfeelinglikepeopleverydifferentfromthemselves’.LikewiseKeithOatley,acognitivepsychologistandnovelist,drawsonanewwaveofneuroscientificresearchprovidingevidencethat‘theprocessofenteringimaginedworldsoffictionbuildsempathyandimprovesyourabilitytotakeanotherperson’spointofview’.24Soshouldallprospectiveempathicrevolutionariesbeputtingthemselvesona

strictdietofrealistfiction,primingtheirinnerhomoempathicuswithnovelsbyJohnSteinbeck,ZadieSmithandotherheavyweightsfromthegenre?Notsofast,warnstheliteraryscholarSuzanneKeen,theleadingcontemporaryscepticoftheempathicpowerofliterature.Inherview,advocateslikeNussbaumandPinkerarevictimsofwishfulthinkingbecausetheevidencethatidentifyingwithacharacter ’sfeelingsresultsinaltruisticorpro-socialbehaviouris‘inconclusiveatbestandnearlyalwaysexaggeratedinfavourofthebeneficialeffectsofreading’.Inotherwords,youmightfeeladeepaffinitywithDorotheainEliot’sMiddlemarch,butreadingaboutherisunlikelytochangehowyoutreatotherpeople.Keenlaysoutaseriesoffurthercharges.Itisnotclearwhetherreadingnovelsmakespeoplemoreempathicorwhetherthecausalrelationshiprunstheotherwayaround,withthosewhoreadfictionbeingmorelikelytobeempathicinthefirstplace.Aclevernovelist,shesuggests,mightmakeusempathisewithaprotagonistwhoseviewsaremorallyrepugnant,sowecometosharetheirprejudicesandbiases.Furthermore,readingissoimbuedwithsubjectivity,whereweeachrespondindifferentwaystofictionalworlds,thatitisdifficulttodrawanydefiniteconclusionsaboutthekindsofnarrativetechniques–suchasfirst-personnarration–thataremostlikelytoinspireempathy.25IthinkKeenoverstateshercase.WhileIagreethatempathicallyfeelingthepains

ofacharacterinanovelmaywellhavelittlediscernibleimpactonourworldlyactions,thereisabundantevidencethatfictioncanhavelife-changingeffectsonreaders,asweknowfromthemyriadswhoturnedagainstslaveryafterfinishingUncleTom’sCabin,whocampaignedagainsttheworkhousesystemthankstoOliverTwist,orwhobecamepacifistsafterreadingAllQuietontheWesternFront.26ReadersofearlyfeministnovelssuchasDorisLessing’sTheGoldenNotebook,publishedin1962,weresweptupinanewunderstandingofwomen,whichcontributedtothebuddingwomen’sliberationmovement.WholegenerationshavehadtheirmindsalteredbybookssuchasToKillaMockingBird,withitsmessage

that‘Youneverreallyunderstandanotherpersonuntilyouconsiderthingsfromhispointofview–untilyouclimbinsideofhisskinandwalkaroundinit.’Moreover,ifyouconsideryourpersonalexperience,itisquitelikelyyoucan

pinpointnovelsthathaveexpandedyourowncircleofempathy.WhatimmediatelycomestomindformeisascenefromZadieSmith’sWhiteTeeth.AwaiterinanIndianrestaurant,barelynoticedbythecustomersashetakestheirorders,dreamsofrecoveringhisdignitybyhangingaplacardaroundhisneckthatdeclarestotheworld:‘Iamnotawaiter.Ihavebeenastudent,ascientist,asoldier,mywifeiscalledAlsana,weliveinEastLondonbutwewouldliketomoveNorth.IamaMuslimbutAllahhasforsakenmeorIhaveforsakenAllah,I’mnotsure.Ihaveafriend–Archie–andothers.Iamforty-ninebutwomenstillturninthestreet.Sometimes.’Today,wheneverIaminarestaurant,Iwonderwhateachwaiterorwaitresswouldchoosetowriteontheirownbiographicalplacard.Thatsimpleactofempathicimaginingopensmetotheirindividualityandsubtlyshiftsmyinteractionswiththem.AnothernovelthathasbecomeoneofmyempathicfavouritesisChristopher

Wakling’sWhatIDid,whichisnarratedbyasix-year-oldboy.Thestoryopenswiththeboysittingonthestairsathome,shoesinhishands,whilehisfathershoutsathimfortakingsolongtocomedown,sincetheyareontheirwayouttothepark.Whatwediscover,bybeingimmersedinsidetheboy’shead,isthatheistakinghistimenottoannoyhisfather,butbecauseheisintheprocessofconductinganintricatescientificexperimentabouthowfrictionoperatestopreventhisbacksidefromslidingdownthestairs.Itmademelaugh,butitalsogavemeaninsightintomyownfour-year-oldson.Isuddenlyunderstoodthatmanyofhisinfuriatinghabits–suchaspouringhisdrinksfromoneglassintoanotherandbackagain,oftenmakingahugemess–couldwellbesimilarexperimentsthatIshouldprobablyencourageratherthanquash.ThenovelhelpedmerecognisethatIwasnotmakingenoughefforttodiscoverwhatwasgoingoninhismind.IlaterinterviewedWakling,whoisalsoateacherofcreativewriting,andaskedhimwhetherhethoughtanovelcouldworkiftheauthorfailstomakethereaderempathisewiththemaincharacters:

No.Idon’tthinkthereaderhastolikethemaincharacters(thoughbook-groupsupanddownthelandaretestimonytothefactthatithelpsiftheydo),butinordertobelieveinafictionalprotagonistreaderscertainlyhavetounderstandwherethatcharacteriscomingfrom.Whatdoesthecharacterwant?Wheredidtheybegin?Wherearetheytryingtogo?Thesequestionsestablishmotiveandareusefulfortheplot.Butthebiggerquestion–howdoesthecharacterseetheworld?–hasthepower,ifansweredconvincinglybyanovelist,toimmersethereaderinanewconsciousness.Dothatwellandreaderswillcareabouttheworldofthenovelbeyondthelastpage.27

Empathyisattheheartofstorytellingitself.Whetheritisthroughhigh-browliteratureorpopularfiction,afinenovelistisanempathicmaguswhocanenable

us,ifonlytemporarily,toshedourownskinandstepintoanotherwayoflookingattheworld.Itisworththinkinghardaboutwhichauthorsandwhatkindsofwritingaremostlikelytoexpandyoursensitivitytootherpeople’slives.Youcouldtryoutnovelsfromtherealistcanon(thoughavoidthosethataretoodidactic),butitmightbemoreinterestingtoseekadvicefroma‘bibliotherapist’.Bibliotherapy,whichhasbeenpioneeredatTheSchoolofLifeinLondonsince2008bywriter-artistEllaBerthoudandnovelistSusanElderkin,isanunusualformofliterarytherapy.Youtalktoanexpertadvisoraboutbothyourreadinghabitsandyourdilemmasinlife,andarethenofferedabespokereading‘prescription’basedonyourtastesandcircumstances.28Ifyouareasci-fibuffseekingtoexpandyourempathy,thebibliotherapistsmightsuggestUrsulaLeGuin’sfeministsci-ficlassicTheLeftHandofDarkness.AbouttotraveltoIndia?TheymayadviseyoutakeRohintonMistry’sAFineBalance.Wanttodrilldowndeepintohumannatureandthelimitsofempathy?ThereisprobablynothingbetterthanCormacMcCarthy’sTheRoad.OnedayIhopeallpubliclibrarieswillofferaprofessionalbibliotherapyservice

tohelpuschoosewiselyamongstthehundredsofthousandsofbooksthatarepublishedeachyear.Moreimmediately,youcanpostlistsofyourfavouriteempathynovelsontheworld’sfirstdigitalEmpathyLibrary,whichyouwillfindonthewebsiteforthisbook(www.romankrznaric.com/empathyrevolution),togetherwiththenon-fictionbooks,films,photographsandotherartworksthatdomosttotransportyouintotheshoesofstrangers.Bydoingso,youwillbeplayingapartincreatingaglobalresourceforthefutureofhumanrelationships.Myownsuggestionsforthelibraryappearattheendthisbookandonthewebsite.

Onlineculture:fromdigitalrevolutiontoempathyrevolution?

Thedigitalrevolutionisusheringinaneweraforthepursuitofarmchairempathy.Unlikebooks,moviesorphotographs,digitalnetworksoffertheprospectofinstantconnectionwithmillionsofpeopleworldwide.Theinternetnowhasagenuinelyglobalreachof2.7billionusers.EvenfactoryworkersinShanghaiandsmallholderfarmersinMalawiarewiredintodigitalcommunitiesthroughtheirphones(therearemorephonesinsub-SaharanAfricathaninEurope).29Moreover,socialmediaallowsfortwo-wayinteractions,unliketheone-waycommunicationofafilmoranovel.Withjustacoupleofclickswecouldbetalkingtosomeonefromalmostanynationontheplanet–andlookingintotheireyes–whilestillsittinginourhomesandstrokingthecat.AccordingtosocialscientistJeremyRifkin,onlineculturemaybeleadingustowardsatrulyempathiccivilisation.‘Newdevelopmentsininternetconnections,’heargues,makeit‘possibletoimagineaparadigmaticshiftinhuman

thoughtandatippingpointinglobalconsciousnessinlessthanageneration…thepotentialtoexperienceempathicsensibilityandtotakeittoagloballevelisnowwithinreach’.30Howmightweharnessdigitaltechnologiestoforgeanageofempathyinthe

twenty-firstcentury?Idecidedtotacklethisquestionbysettingoutonaquesttodiscovertheultimateempathyapp–onethatwouldenablevastnumbersofpeopletostepintoothers’shoesandcreatestrongemotionalbondswiththem.ButmysearchhasnotbeennearlyassuccessfulasIhadimagineditwouldbe.Itturnsoutthatexistingonlineplatformsprovidelimitedscopeforcreatinganempathyrevolution.Instead,thedigitaltechnologiesandapplicationscurrentlyonoffercouldbetakingusbacktoanempathicdarkagethroughtheircorrosiveeffectsonthehumanpersonality.Myownhopesforempathyinonlineculturebegininmykitchen.EverySunday

morningmychildrenwakeupinOxfordandcomedowntohavebreakfastwiththeirgrandparentsinSydney.Howso?CourtesyofSkype,GrandmaandGrandpaappearonalaptopnexttothejamandtoast.Theconversationswerestiltedatfirst–inpartbecausemychildrenwerestilllearningtotalk,andmyfatherwaslearningnottotalkoverthem–butgraduallythetechnologyhasbecomelessintrusiveandtheirregularchatshavebeenbuildingbondsofloveandempathyacrosstheoceansthatdivideusall.Skypeandothertoolshavebeenopeningupsuchempathicconversationsfarbeyondmykitchen.IhavemetschoolteachersinEnglandwhohavedigitallytwinnedtheirclasswithanotherinKenya,sothepupilscanspeaktoeachotheronlineandlearnabouttheirverydifferentlives.Ihavecomeacrossorganisationstryingtocreateonlineconversationsbetweencoffeedrinkersinrichcountriesandthepeoplewhogrowthebeansinpoorones.31Earlyinmyquestfortheworld’sgreatestempathyapp,Ibecameespecially

curiouswhenIheardaboutChatroulette,achatwebsitecreatedbyaRussianteenagerin2009,whichnowhasaround1.5millionusersworldwide.Whenyouloginyouarerandomlyconnectedwithanotherpersontohavealivewebcamconversationwiththem.Ifyouwouldratherspeakwithsomeoneelse,simplyclick‘next’,andyouwillbetransportedintoanotherlivingroom,anywherefromMurmansktoMinnesota.IquicklyfoundoutthatthereisnotalotofempathyonChatroulette.Peoplehit‘next’everytwosecondsonaverage,sothereislittlechancefordeepdialogue.Moresignificantly,asthetechnologyresearcherSherryTurklediscovered,youarefrequentlypresentedwithpeoplemasturbating,beingrudetoyou,orjustplainuninterested.‘Chatroulettetakesthingstoanextreme:facesandbodiesbecomeobjects,’observesTurkle,andthereappearstobelittledesireorincentivetoseekoutourcommonhumanity.32InprincipleasitelikeChatroulettecouldbeamassiveempathygenerator,sincethetechnologylendsitselftocreatingface-to-faceconversationsbetweenstrangers.Withadifferentname–something

likeEmpathyConnect–andapop-upMenuofConversation,itcouldattractpeopleinsearchofcross-culturalunderstanding.IfeltalittlemorehopefulwhenIfoundAmbient,anappto‘connectwithpeople

aroundyouwhosparkyourinterest,makeyourdayorevenchangethecourseofyourlife’.Youbeginbycreatingapersonalprofilelistingyourfavouritemusic,booksandotherpassions,thenasyouwalkthestreetsyourphonewilltellyouifyouareinthevicinityofanotherAmbientuserwhosharessimilarinterests.Thescreenalsoliststhefriends,ifany,youhaveincommon.Youarethenabletosendamessagetotheperson,forinstanceinvitingthemtomeetforacoffee.ThedifficultyisthatAmbient,likemostinterpersonalapps,isdesignedtoconnectyouwithpeoplewhoshareyourinterestsandfriends,whereasthemoststimulatingempathicencountersoftengrowfrommeetingpeoplewhoarewildlydifferentfromyou.Whataboutvideogames?Ithoughtthiswassuretobeabarrenrealm,sinceso

manygamesfeaturegunsandviolence.InGrandTheftAuto:ViceCity,forexample,playersgainpointsbysolicitingandkillingprostitutes.Suchgamesarehardlyatraininggroundfortheempathyrevolution:ineffect,playersaregroomedtobevirtualpsychopathsinaHobbesianworld.33ButIhavelearnedthatthereisanemergingcommunityofpeoplewhoareplayingagrowingnumberofempathy-basedgames,whichareknownintheindustryas‘otherpeoplesimulators’.OneIhaverecentlytriedinaprototypeversionisThatDragon,Cancer,inwhichyoutakeontheroleofamancopingwithhisfour-year-oldsonhavingbeendiagnosedwithterminalcancer.Unlikemostgames,youarenotgrantedanyspecialpowers,andinsteadhavetodealwiththeemotionaltraumasofdeathanddying.Playingitisacompellingandemotionallywrenchingexperience.34IcanalsorecommendagamecalledPeaceMaker,whereyouinhabittheroleofeithertheIsraeliPrimeMinisterorthePalestinianPresidentandattempttocreatea‘two-statesolution’duringaperiodofviolentconflict.Thecreatorsdescribeitasa‘videogametopromotepeace’andstressthat‘theprimaryconflictmanagementissuesthatweaddressrevolvearoundcreatingempathyandadeeperunderstandingofmultipleperspectives’.35Thegameencouragescognitiveempathysinceitturnsoutthatsuccessdependsonfosteringcooperationbyconsideringtheviewpointsofarangeofstakeholdersincludingextremistandmoderatepoliticalgroups.Italsostimulatesaffectiveempathybyusingrealphotosandvideofootageoftheconflict’simpactonindividuallives,suchasaPalestinianmotherweepingoverdeadrelatives.

AscreenshotfromthegamePeaceMaker.

Let’sberealistic.GameslikePeaceMakerarestillaminoritysport.Andinanycase,thelinkbetweenplayinganempathyvideogameandthentakingempathicactionintherealworldhasnotyetbeensubjecttoseriousresearch.Atthesametime,mostsoftwaredevelopershaveexpressedlittleinterestincreatingplatformsthatarespecificallydesignedtofosterempathicconnection,soweareleftwiththelikesofChatrouletteinstead.Butsurely,youmightthink,Facebook,Twitterandotherpopularsocialnetworksareenablingmillionsofpeopletobeinconstanttouchwitheachother,andtosharetheirthoughtsandfeelingsabouteverythingfromtheirrelationshiptroublestotheirpoliticalideologiesandreligiousviews.Isn’tthisvastwebofdigitalconnectionsandconversationsgivingaseriousboosttotheglobalempathyquotient?Thisis,unfortunately,autopiandream.Socialmedia,anddigitaltechnologies

morebroadly,poseasmanythreatstoempathyastheyofferopportunities.Ausefulwaytoexplorethis–andtheimplicationsforeachofourlives–istotakesomeadvicefromphilosopherandvirtualrealitypioneerJaronLanier,whobelievesthat‘themostimportantquestiontoaskaboutanytechnologyishowitchangespeople’.36Weneedtoinvestigatewhattheonlineworldisdoingtoourmindsandcharacters.Lanier ’spessimisticviewisthattheformsofsocialmediaanddigital

connectivitythatdominatetodayareerodinghumanuniquenessandindividuality.Hepointsoutthatthefirstwaveofwebcultureinthe1990sdisplayeda‘proudextroversion’thatwasvisibleinthequirkywebsitespeopledesignedforthemselves.Followingthisearlyflowering,‘anendlessseriesofgambitsbackedbygiganticinvestmentsencouragedyoungpeopleenteringtheonlineworldforthefirsttimetocreatestandardizedpresencesonsiteslikeFacebook’.Internetusershavebeenincreasinglyfittingthemselvesintopre-existingpersonalityboxesthatdefinewhotheyare,andhavebeenreducedto‘multiple-choiceidentities’.37Theresult,

declaresnovelistZadieSmith,isthat‘whateverisunusualaboutapersongetsflattenedout’.Sheremindsusthat

Facebook,ournewbelovedinterfacewithreality,wasdesignedbyaHarvardsophomorewithaHarvardsophomore’spreoccupations.Whatisyourrelationshipstatus?(Chooseone.Therecanbeonlyoneanswer.Peopleneedtoknow.)Doyouhavea‘life’?(Proveit.Postpictures.)Doyouliketherightsortofthings?(Makealist.Thingstolikewillinclude:movies,music,booksandtelevision,butnotarchitecture,ideas,orplants.)

Suchcategoriesmaymakeiteasiertodiscovercommonalitieswithotherpeopleand‘connect’,buttheyalsoimpoverishthecomplexityofhumancharacter.Moreover,thereisthequestionofthequalityoftheconnection.Mostsocialmedia,claimsSmith,‘encouragespeopletomakeweak,superficialconnectionswitheachother…Zuckerbergthinkstheexchangeofpersonaltriviaiswhat“friendship”is’.38Thepridepeopleoftentakeinhavingamassedthousandsof‘friends’onFacebookor‘followers’onTwitteristestamenttothebeliefthatitisthequantityratherthanthequalityofourrelationshipsthatisimportant.Noneofthisishelpedbytheaccumulatingevidencethathigh-velocitydigitalcultureismakingourattentionspansshorterandshallower.Asweflitincessantlybetweenwindowsandprogrammes,wearegettingusedtobeinginastateknownas‘continuouspartialattention’,whereourabilitytofullyconcentrateforaprolongedperiodonasingletask–suchasreadinganarticleorhavingaconversation–isdiminished.39Thetroubleisthatempathythrivesbestinrelationshipsthathavedepth,andwhen

wecanimmerseourselvesinotherpeople’suniqueviewoftheworldratherthanaprefabricatedonlineprofile.Socialnetworksmightbringusintocontactwithglobalcommunitieswefeelpartof(everyonewhosharesyourloveoforigami,orAbba,orrainforestconservation),andalertustoimportanteventsinthelivesofstrangers(anewsreportonatsunamiinJapan,orarevoltonthestreetsofDamascus),butinandofthemselvesthesenetworksarenotusuallydesignedtofacilitatemakingtheimaginativeleapintootherminds.Theyareabouttheefficientexchangeofinformationratherthanthelesseasilypackagedexchangeofintimacy.Canwereallyconveyourmostfundamentalthoughtsandfeelingsinatextortweetandusingemoticons?Ifearnot:-(.Foranyonebutahaikupoet,whoweare,andwhatwecareaboutinlife,isdifficulttoexpressinonehundredandfortycharacters.TheStanfordpsychiatristEliasAboujaoudearguesthattheproblemisnotso

muchthatdigitalculture‘flattens’ourpersonalitybutthatitsplitsusintwo.Wegraduallydevelopan‘e-personality’or‘e-identity’thatisdistinctfromourofflinepersonality:‘foreveryrealbeingwithanInternethookup,thereexistsnowavirtualversionlivingsidebyside.’40Whatismore,ourvirtualselvesarestartingtodominateourlives.Beingonlineisfastbecomingourdefaultstate,withagrowingproportionofpeoplespendingoverhalftheirwakinghourswiredintodigital

technology:thetypicalUSteenagerclocksupnearlyeighthourseachdayonline,updatingtheirFacebookstatus,consumingmediaandtextingtheirfriends.41’Therearesomeveryrealadvantagestohavingaseparatee-personality,

accordingtoAboujaoude.Somepeople,henotes,finditeasiertobeemotionallyopenthroughtheironlineself.Itmayalsobeawaytoexpressyouridentitywithoutfearofprejudice:ifyouareagayteenagerlivinginruralTexas,youmightfindanempathiccommunityofinterestonline,whereasrevealingyoursexualorientationofflinemightleadtoostracisminyourhometown.Butthedangersofthee-personalityarealltooapparent.Onehehighlightsisthetendencytobehaveinadeceptiveandself-aggrandisingway.Whetheritisthroughanonlinedatingprofileorafully-fledgedavataronSecondLife,wecanfindithardtoresist‘pretendingtobethinner,morepopular,andmoresuccessfulthanwereallyare’.Thereisalwaysthattemptationtotellafewliesondatingsitesaboutourjob,salaryoreducation–andtoairbrushourphotographaswell.Anotherdangeristhatthepossibilityofanonymityandinvisibilitycreatesan

‘onlinedisinhibitioneffect’wherepeoplefeellicensedtoengageinantisocialbehaviour.Iregularlyreceiveextraordinarilyrudeandcruelcommentsonmyonlinenewspaperarticlesandvideotalksthatpeoplewouldalmostcertainlyneverbewillingtosaytomyface.Cyberbullying,too,hasbecomeaseriousproblemamongstschoolchildren.Aboujaoudemakesclearthat‘thenormalbrakesystem,whichunderusualcircumstanceskeepsthoughtsandbehavioursincheck,constantlymalfunctionsontheinformationsuperhighway’.42Themostfundamentalproblem,however,isthatoure-personalitycandrift

towardsnarcissism,whichthencomestoinfectourofflinepersonalitytoo.Themostobviousmanifestationofdigitalself-absorptionis‘egosurfing’(alsoknownas‘narcissurfing’or‘autogoogling’),definedas‘Googlingyourselftoseewhere,when,andhowoftenyoushowupontheInternet’–47percentofUSadultsadmittohavingdoneavanitysearch.43ItalsoappearsinaddictionssuchasconstantlycheckinghowmanyTwitterfollowersyouhave,orspendinghoursrevisingandfine-tuningyoursocialmediaprofiles,andpostingmessagesdesignedtogainnew‘friends’ormore‘likes’.Ineffect,weareturningourselvesintovirtualbillboards,advertisingandmarketingourpersonalitiestoonlineconsumers.ItmaybenosurprisetolearnofstudiesrevealingthatthemoreFacebookinteractionspeoplehavewithotherusers,thehighertheyscoreonnarcissismtests.44Yetclearlynoteveryoneonlineisegosurfingandcheckingtheir‘friend’requests.

Othersareattemptingtotapintothepowerofsocialmediatocreatemassempathyandpoliticalchange,aswasseenduringtheArabSpringandtheOccupyMovement.Thewaveofglobalpoliticalrevoltbetween2009and2012,fromOccupyWallStreetandstudentprotestsinMadridtothemassdemonstrationsinTunisandTehran,wouldhavebeenimpossiblewithoutdigitaltechnologyandsocial

networks.ProtesterswereusingFacebooktoformgroups,Twittertodisseminatenews,andYfrog,FlickrandYouTubetospreadphotosandvideos.Underpinningthesocialmedia,sayspoliticalanalystPaulMason,wasmobiletelephony:‘inthecrushofeverycrowdweseearmsholdingcellphonesintheair,likesmallflocksofostriches,snappingscenesofrepressionorrevolt,offeringinstantandindelibleimage-capturetoaglobalaudience.’45Theprotestmovementsweredrivenbyaheadymixtureofanger,anti-

authoritarianism,politicalfrustration,economicdesperation,andthedesireforindividualfreedomandcommunitybelonging.AsJeremyRifkinpointsout,empathyalsoplayedakeyrole:

YoungpeopletooktothestreetsinprotestagainsttheflawedresultsintheIranianelection.Oneyoungwoman,apre-medstudentnamedNadia,wasdemonstratingandherfriendwasvideoingherandshewasgunneddownbythetroops.WithinanhourmillionsaroundtheworldknewherFacebook,herfamily,herrelatives,whatshewasabout.Shewasnowasistertomillionsofyoungpeoplewhocouldidentifywithherinavery,verydeepway.That’sglobalempathy.That’sthebeginningofanempathiccivilization.46

TheArabSpringandOccupyMovementrevealedthatdigitaltechnologycanhelptochannelandspreadpowerfulemotionssuchasempathyandanger.Buttherevoltsalsoshowedthatnewtechnologiesandsocialmediaplatformscannotinthemselvessustaintheemotionalenergyandpracticalactionthatmassmovementsrequire.Socialmediawasasuperbtoolfortheshort-termobjectiveofmobilisingpeopletotakepartinpublicprotests,andtocommunicatewhatwashappeningaroundtheworld,butitwaslessgoodatprovidingotheressentialingredientsoflong-termsocialmovementsuccess.NoamountoftweetingcouldhelptheOccupyMovementclarifytheirverygeneralpoliticalgoals,developtheirleadershipcapacityandstrategy,ormaintainthepassionoftheirsupportersoveraprolongedperiod.Allthesetypicallyrequireface-to-facemeetingandthehard,time-consumingworkofcollectiveorganising.Moreover,let’snotforgetthatwhilethewebcangenerateintenseempathicresponsesonalargescale–remembertheKonyvideo?–itthenoftenfailstoconvertthemintowidespreadactionintherealworld.Wecouldbeslidingtowardsaneraofwhathasbeencalled‘slacktivism’,wherepeopledeludethemselvesintothinkingthatwatchingafilmcliporclickinganonlinepetitionconstitutesauthenticpoliticalactivism.47Bringingtheanalysisbacktoourownlives,howshouldwethinkaboutour

personalrelationshiptodigitaltechnology?Aswebecomeincreasinglyhookedintothewiredworld,weneedtoaskourselveshowitisre-shapingourcharacterandrelationships.Istheinternetofferingus‘thin’hyper-connectionattheexpenseof‘thick’friendshipswhereempathycanthrive?Areweusingsocialmediainselfish,self-aggrandisingwaysthatfeedournascentnarcissism?Wearestillattheearlieststagesofunderstandinghowthisnewcultureisaffectingthehuman

personality.WhileIwouldliketobemoreoptimistic,thereismountingevidencethatthedigitalrevolution,initspresentform,isfailingtosendusonthepathtowardsanempathiccivilisation.Rather,wemaybewitnessingarevivalofthe‘MeDecade’ofthe1970s.Digitaltechnology,itseems,isamplifyingthevoiceofhomoself-centricus.Anybodyhopingtoexpandtheirempathy–andalsopreservewhattheyhavegot

–shouldtakeathoughtful,evencautious,approachtointernetculture.Theworstmistakewecanmakeistocultivateouronlinelifewithoutreflectingonhowitisaffectingourofflineidentityandthewaywerelatetootherpeople.AsSocrateswouldhaveputit,knowthydigitalself.Ifyoufindthatthequick-firereparteeofsocialmediaisleavingyouhungryformoreprofoundfriendships,orthatyouarebeingluredintoegoismorapathy,thenitmightbetimetogoonadigitaldietandstartrationingyourhourslinkedintotheglobalelectronicbrain.Despitesuchwarnings,Iremaincommittedtomyquesttodiscoverthemost

effectiveempathyapp.ButIhaverealisedthatwemayhavetolookbeyondwhatiscurrentlyonofferandinventnewsoftwarethatisintentionallydesignedtoexpandcognitiveandaffectiveempathy.MyhopeisthatreadersofthisbookwiththerighttechnicalskillswillbeattheforefrontofcreatingempathyappsthatrivalChatrouletteandGrandTheftAutointheirpopularity,butwhichaim,instead,toprovokewavesofactiononthescaleofOccupyandtheArabSpring.

Inpraiseofekstasis

ArtandliteraturehavebeentakinghumanbeingsonempathicjourneyseversincethecitizensofancientAthensweptforthecharactersonstageduringthefestivalofDionysus.Theatre,film,fiction,paintingandphotographyhaveallplayedaroleingeneratingwhattheGreekscalledekstasis,orecstasy,wherewetemporarilystepoutsideofourselvesandaretransportedintootherlivesandcultures.Atitsverybest,empathicekstasisresemblesthefilmBeingJohnMalkovich,inwhichpeoplecrawlthroughatinydoorinaNewYorkofficeblockandslidedownatunnelintothemindofthefamousactor,wheretheycanliterallylookattheworldthroughhiseyes.Thelimitsofarmchairempathyhavebeenexaggerated.Theremaybecriticswho

believethatmediumssuchasphotographyandthenovelcandolittletoofferusdeeplyempathicexperiencesthatleadtopracticalaction,andaremorelikelytoleaveusemotionallynumbedorunmoved.Yetifweremaindiscerninginourtastes,andoptforthefinestempathicworksthatourcultureshaveproduced–thekindthatshouldbeavailableinavirtualEmpathyLibrary–thenwemaywellbeinspiredtoseetheworldinnewwaysandbecomemakersofsocialchange.Ontheotherhand,

Ifearthatwehavebeenoverstatingtheempathicpotentialofthedigitaltechnologiesthatwecansoeasilyaccessfromourarmchairs.Wemustbevigilantthatwedonotusetheminwaysthaterodeourcapacitytomaketheleapintootherminds.Wemustalsobewaryoftheinternet’sgrowingroleasa‘meta-medium’throughwhichweencounterphotography,film,literatureandotherartforms,andensurethatitdoesnotdampenourempathicresponsestothem.Inourongoingeffortstoexpandourempathicabilitiesitmaybedifficult,or

evenimpossible,toexploresomepeople’slivesthroughapproachessuchasdirectexperienceorconversation.Howcanamaneverexperiencewhatitfeelsliketobepregnant?WhatchancedoyouhaveofmeetingaSamoanelderwhoyoucantalktoaboutreligionorthemeaningoflove?Sowewillalwaysneedarmchairempathy–tohelpusimagineallthosehiddenworldsthatlieoutofreachinoureverydaylives.

HABIT6INSPIREAREVOLUTION

EmpathistsoftheWorldUnite!

Youwon’tfindthewords‘EmpathyRevolution’printedonmanyT-shirts.Thatisbecauseempathyisusuallyassociatedwithrelationshipsbetweenindividualsratherthanwithradicalsocialandpoliticalchange.Yetitistimewerescuedempathyfromtherealmofprivatelifeandunleasheditspotentialtotransformpubliclifeaswell.Todothis,weneedtograspthatempathycanbeasmuchacollectivephenomenonasanindividualone.Whenacriticalmassofpeoplejointogethertomaketheimaginativeleapintothelivesofothers,empathyhasthepowertoalterthecontoursofhistory.Foreachandeveryoneofus,theculminationofourempathicjourneysistohelpcreatethesewavesofcollectiveempathythatcanplayapartintacklingthegreatproblemsofourage,frompovertyandinequalitytoarmedviolenceandenvironmentalcollapse.Theideaofcollectiveempathyisespeciallyrelevanttodaybecauseit

counterbalancesthehighlyindividualisticfocusofmodernself-helpculture,whichtendstoviewthesearchforhappinessorwellbeingasapersonalpursuitconcerningourownambitionsanddesires,ratherthanonethatinvolvesworkingwithotherstowardscommongoals.YetthinkersgoingbacktoAristotlehaverecognisedthatwearesocialanimals,andthatjoyandmeaninginlifegrow,ingoodpart,frombeingimmersedinsomethinglargerthanourselves.Humanbeingsthriveon‘we’asmuchas‘me’.Wemayhavehomoself-centricusandhomoempathicusjostlingforspacewithinus,butweneedtomakesomeroomforhomosocioempathicustoo:wearecreatureswhoseempathicselvesarefullyrealisedbyactingtogethertocreatechange.Howcanweproduceasurgeofcollectiveempathythatpropelsusfromtheself-

obsessedAgeofIntrospectionintoanewAgeofOutrospection?Tostart,wewillfindoutwhatcollectiveempathylookslikebyexploringthegreatestmeetingsofstrangersinBritishhistory.WewillthendrawoutlessonsforpracticalactionfromthethreegreatwavesofempathythathaveshapedthecourseofWesternhistory:theinventionofhumanitarianorganisationsineighteenth-centuryEurope,theextensionofrightsaftertheSecondWorldWartonewgroupssuchasethnicminorities,andtheexpansionofempathyinrealmssuchaseducationandpeace-buildingsincethe

neuroscientificadvancesofthe1990s.Finallywewilllooktothefuture.Couldwebedevelopingaglobalempathicconsciousnessthatembracesnotonlyallhumanbeings,butalsoanimalandplantlife,andevenGaiaherself?Empathy,asyouareabouttodiscover,canchangenotjustourselves,butthe

world.Solet’sgettheT-shirt,unfurlthebannersandlaunchanEmpathyRevolutioninthestreets.

Thegreatestmeetingofstrangersinhistory

Itiscommontoreadaccountsofmassempathiccollapse–thereareplentyofbooksaboutthemassacresduringtheCrusades,theviolenceofcolonialisminLatinAmerica,orthegenocideoftheHolocaust.Farlesseffort,however,hasbeenputintodocumentingwhenempathyhasbloomedonacollectivescale–wherewholecommunitieshaveimaginativelysteppedintotheshoesofstrangers,understoodsomethingoftheirsuffering,andtakenactiontoalleviateit.Oneofthemostilluminatingexamples,whichhelpsrevealhowwemightharnessempathytotransformsociety,concernsthegreatestmeetingofstrangersinBritishhistory.AclassicimageoflifeinwartimeBritainisatrainplatformfilledwithchildren

clutchingtinysuitcasesandfoodparcels,beingevacuatedfromthecitiestoescapetheGermanbombs.Therewereseveralwavesofevacuationbetween1939and1944,inwhichovertwomillionchildrenwererelocatedfromtowntocountryaspartofgovernmentschemes.1Ratherthanbeingplacedincamps,theyweremostlyaccommodatedinprivatehomes,andmanystayedwiththeirfosterfamiliesforseveralyears.ThehistorianA.J.P.Taylordescribedevacuationasa‘socialrevolution’becauseofitshugeimpactonthecreationofnewchildwelfarepolicies.2Anditwasarevolutioninwhichempathyplayedacrucial–thoughoftenoverlooked–role.

Evacueeswaitingtoboardatrain,1940

Theprocessofevacuationwasfraughtwithpracticalandemotionaldifficulties,especiallyintheinitialphase,beforetheBlitzin1940.Billetingofficersinthereceivingtownsandvillagesoftencouldnotfindenoughhomesforthenewarrivals,withupper-middle-classfamiliesbeingparticularlyreluctanttotakeinanychildren.3Therewerethenotorious‘slavemarkets’,wherepotentialfosterparentswereabletopickandchooseamongsttheevacuees,stigmatisingthosewhowereleftbehind.Childrensufferedthetraumaofbeingseparatedfromtheirparentsforlongperiods,andtherewereisolatedcasesofabuse.Fostermotherscomplainedofbed-wetting,swearinganddelinquency,andthatthegovernmentpaymentswereinsufficienttocoverthecostsoftheirlittleguests.4Itistooeasy,though,todwellontheproblems.Giventheconditionsofwartime

austerity,thelackoftimeforplanning,andthesheernoveltyandextentofevacuation,itwasextraordinarilysuccessful.Byandlarge,childrenwerefoundaccommodation,werewellcaredforbytheirhostfamilies,wenttoschoolandmadefriends.Inthemostauthoritativestudyofsocialservicesinthewar,RichardTitmussasksusnottoforgetallthosehouseholdersandevacuees‘whometeachotherinaspiritoftoleranceandovercamethedifficultiesoflivingtogether ’.5A1947reportonevacuationinOxfordshiresuggestedthat‘thissurveyshouldbecalledthewarmemorialtotheUnknownFoster-mother ’sinceitshowedhowdevotedmostofthemweretotheiryoungcharges.6Thedebatesonthequalityofcaremaskavitalaspectofevacuation:forthefirst

timerelativelywell-offruralhouseholderswereexposedtourbanpoverty.Suddenly,hundredsofthousandsofhomesinsmalltownsandvillageswerefilled

withscrawnychildrenfromtheslumsofLondon,Liverpoolandothercities,whoweremalnourished,sufferingfromricketsandlice,andlackingshoesordecentunderwear.Thenationwasshockedbythedestitutionthrustintoitsprovinciallivingrooms.AccordingtoaneditorialinTheEconomistin1943,thegreatmigrationofevacuation‘revealedtothewholepeopletheblackspotsinitssociallife’.7Evacuationcreatedtheconditionsforoneofthebiggestexplosionsofmass

empathicunderstandinginBritishhistory,byenablingruralpeopletostepintothelivesoftheurbanpoor.AlthoughtheyhadnotobservedthesqualorofEastEndtenementswiththeirowneyes,theywereabletohearfirst-handaccountsfromthechildrenandtoseetheterribleconsequencesofpovertystandinginfrontofthem.Theextremesofcitydeprivationthathaduntilthenbeenhiddenfromviewbecameetchedintotheimaginationsoftheregionalpopulation.Fosterparentsdidnotalwayslikewhattheysaw:manymiddle-classpeopleweredisgustedbythefilthychildrensoilingtheirnicesettees.8Othersweremovedtotears.Butinbothcasestherewasclearacknowledgementthatsomethinghadtobedone.Theconscienceofthenationhadbeenroused.Awaveofpublicactionfollowedtherevelationsofevacuation.Letterswere

writtentoTheTimes,organisationssuchastheNationalFederationofWomen’sInstitutesandtheWomen’sVoluntaryServicelobbiedforchangesinchildhealthpolicy,andmembersofparliamentcalledforreform.NevilleChamberlain,PrimeMinisterduringthefirststageofevacuation,wroteinalettertohiswife:‘Ineverknewthatsuchconditionsexisted,andIfeelashamedofhavingbeensoignorantofmyneighbours.FortherestofmylifeImeantotrytomakeamendsbyhelpingsuchpeopletolivecleanerandhealthierlives.’9Therewasanalmostimmediateresponsefromthegovernmentintheformofa

far-reachingexpansionofchildwelfareprovisions.Thiswasallthemorestrikingbecauseittookplacewhilethecountrywasimmersedinfightingawar.Thestandardofschoolmealswasraised,cheapmilkwasmadeavailableforchildrenandexpectantmothers,andvitaminsandcodliveroilbecamepartoftheirrations.Throughouttheearly1940s,newlegislationwasintroducedtoensureimprovedpublichealth,nutritionandeducationforchildren,mostofwhichbecamepermanentafterthewarended.10Withinjustafewyears,decadesofinadequatesocialcarerootedinthePoorLawsofthenineteenthcenturywerereversed.ItisnowonderthatA.J.P.Taylorconcluded:‘Evacuationwasitselfadisguisedwelfarescheme,andthemostdangerousperiodofthewarbecameparadoxicallythemostfruitfulforsocialpolicy…TheLuftwaffewasapowerfulmissionaryforthewelfarestate.’11ThehistorybooksoftensaythatthewelfarestatewasbornoutoftheBeveridge

Reportof1942,whichledtotheestablishmentoftheNationalHealthServicebythepost-warLabourgovernment.Butthemostsignificantsocialprovisionsfor

childrenemergedfromamoreunlikelysource:thesurgeinempathythattookplacewhenfosterfamiliesmetevacueesinthehouseholdsofruralEngland.Thestoryofevacuationtellsusthatempathyismuchmorethanafeel-good

emotionthatislimitedtotherealmofindividualexperience:itcanalsobeacollectiveforcewiththepowertochangesociety.Justimagineifwecouldreplicatethisexperimenttoday.WhatwouldhappenifhundredsofthousandsofAfghani,IraqiandSyrianchildrenaffectedbywarfareintheirowncountrieswerebilletedintofosterhomesacrossEuropeandNorthAmerica?Orifshanty-towndwellersinLatinAmerica’smegacitiesweresuddenlygrantedbedsintheluxuryapartmentsofwealthycitizenswholiveinthegatedcommunitiesoverlookingtheircorrugatedironrooftops?Neitheroftheseareevenremotepossibilities.Therealityisthatmanyinstancesofcollectiveempathy,suchasevacuation,arisefromaconfluenceofcomplexsocial,politicalandeconomicforcesthatcannotbeeasilyduplicated.Thereisnoevidencethatthebureaucratsandpoliticianswhoinstigatedevacuationhadanyintentionofsparkingasubstantialchangeinchildwelfarepolicy.Rather,thiswaswhattheAncientRomanscalledFortuna,orchance,shapingpeople’slives.Sodoesthismeanthateachofusshouldsitbackandwaittobesweptupinthe

whirlwindofsomesimilarepisode,sinceitisalloutofourpersonalcontrol?Absolutelynot.Throughouthistory,peoplehavemadeaconsciousefforttobringaboutcollectiveempathybyorganisingandjoininginsocialmovementstoaltertheculturalandpoliticallandscape.Andtheyhaveoftenbeenenormouslysuccessfulintheirefforts.Ifwehopetolearnfromtheirexample,sowecankindlecollectiveempathyinourownera,weneedtolookatthethreewavesofempathythathavetransformedWesternhistory,beginningwiththehumanitarianrevolutionineighteenth-centuryEurope.

TheFirstWave:theriseofhumanitarianismintheeighteenthcentury

Marxsaidthatthefundamentaldriverofhumanhistorywastheconflictbetweenclasses.Darwinbelieveditwastheevolutionarystruggleforsurvival.Othershaveclaimedthatthemostimportantforceforchangeistheclashofcivilisations,orstrugglesforpoliticalpower,oradvancesintechnologicaldevelopment.12Agrowingnumberofthinkersnowrecognisethatthereissomethingmissing

fromthesetraditionalnarratives:empathy.History,theybelieve,hasbeeninfluencedjustasmuchbyempathyasbyfactorssuchasclassortechnology.‘Theextraordinaryevolutionofempathicconsciousness,’arguessocialscientistJeremyRifkin,‘isthequintessentialunderlyingstoryofhumanhistory.’PsychologistStevenPinkersuggeststhatan‘expansionofempathy’hasbeenoneofthemajor

causesofthemarkeddeclineinviolenceoverthepasthalfamillennium–includingjudicialtorture,slavery,andthepersecutionofminorities.13Itooamconvincedthatempathyisavital–althoughneglected–forcefor

historicalchange.ButIdonotsharetheoptimistic,linearvisionofwriterssuchasRifkinandPinker,whoseemtoassumethathumanity’scircleofempathicconcernhasbeensteadilyextendingoutwardsoverthecenturies,initiallyfromfamilyandtribe,thentocommunityandnation,andnowincreasinglytoencompassallhumankindandthenaturalworld.Thisapproach,imbuedwiththeEnlightenmentideologyofcontinualprogressinhumanaffairs,cannoteasilyexplainrecurringinstancesofmassempathiccollapse,suchastheHolocaust,theRwandangenocide,andtheatrocitiesintheformerYugoslaviainthe1990s.Incontrast,Ithinkofhistorymuchmoreasaseriesofwaves,wheredifferentregions,atdifferenttimes,experienceperiodsofcollectiveempathicflowering,whicharealwaysatriskofbeingfollowedbyperiodsofhorrificbreakdown.Theempathicgainsmadebyonegenerationcanneverbeguaranteedtosurviveintothenext.InmodernWesternhistorytherehavebeenthreemajorwavesofcollectiveempathy,eachofwhichhasresultedinawideningofthecircleofmoralconcern.Thefirstwave,whichtookplaceintheeighteenthcentury(andcontinuedintothenineteenth),sawtheriseofhumanitarianorganisationsandmovementsacrossEurope.Tofullyappreciatetheimpactandachievementsofthisempathicrevolution,itis

essentialtounderstandthatbefore1700,dailylifeinEuropewassaturatedwithviolencetoadegreethatwecanbarelycomprehendtoday.Torturewasanacceptedpartofjudicialproceedings–hooks,spikes,screwsandsawswereusedtobreakbonesandripaparthumanflesh.Ifyouwereunluckyenoughtobeaccusedofwitchcraftorblasphemy,ordesertedyourmilitaryduties,youmightbeburnedaliveinthetownsquare,orhanged,drawnandquartered.Crueltyagainstchildrenwascommonplace,andanastonishingnumberofbabieswereabandonedbytheirparents,orsubjecttoinfanticide.Slaverywasadeeplyembeddedinstitution,whilepeoplefrequentlyresolvedtheirdisputesnotwithwordsbutthroughtime-honouredtraditionsofrevengekillingsandduelstothedeath.14

Standardjudicialpracticeintheerabeforethehumanitarianrevolutionintheeighteenthcentury.CuthbertSimpson,aProtestant,isbeingtorturedontherackintheTowerofLondonduringtheCatholicreignofQueenMaryin1558.Hewaslaterburnedaliveforhishereticalbeliefs.

Yetsomethingunexpectedhappenedduringthefollowinghundredyears.Manyofthesebrutalpracticesbecameoutlawed,oratleastuncommon,andawaveofhumanitarianconcernsweptacrossthecontinent.Therewasanoutbreakofactivism,withthefoundationoforganisationstoopposeslavery,toreformprisonsystems,totacklechildneglect,andtostopjudicialcruelty.15AccordingtoStevenPinker:

InthemodernWestandmuchoftherestoftheworld,capitalandcorporalpunishmenthavebeeneffectivelyeliminated,governments’powertouseviolenceagainsttheirsubjectshasbeenseverelycurtailed,slaveryhasbeenabolished,andpeoplehavelosttheirthirstforcruelty.Allthishappenedinanarrowsliceofhistory,beginningintheAgeofReasoninthe17thcenturyandcrestingwiththeEnlightenmentattheendofthe18th.16

Whatexplainsthisfundamentaltransformation?Wasitduetotheriseofrationalistidealssuchastheequalvalueofallhumanbeings?Canitbeaccountedforbytheexpansionofcommerce,whichmayhaveencouragedadesireforpeaceandcooperationinwhichtradecouldthrive?Thereare,ofcourse,manycompetingexplanations,buttheonethathascapturedtheattentionofscholarsinrecentyearsistheemergenceofanewcultureofempathy.Pinkerdescribesitas‘anemotionalchange:ahabitofidentifyingwiththepleasuresandpainsofothers’.17Yetwheredidthishabitcomefrom?Oneofitsfoundationswaswhatisknownasthe‘readingrevolution’.Thespread

ofliteracy,andthereadingofnovelsandnewspapers,offeredthegrowingmiddleclassesawayofunderstandingwhatitmightbeliketobeanorphanedchildora

poorfarmlabourerorasufferingslave,whichhelpedtoforgehumansolidarityacrosssocialdivides.HistorianLynnHuntarguesthatitwastheimaginativeactofreadingthatnotonlymotivatedmanypeopletofoundhumanitarianorganisations,especiallyinthesecondhalfoftheeighteenthcentury,butwhichunderpinnedthedemandforpoliticalrightsandequalityintheFrenchandAmericanrevolutions.EmotionallywrenchingnovelssuchasRousseau’sJulieorRichardson’sPamelaencouraged‘sensibility’andsparkedpeople’sempathiccircuitryonanunprecedentedscale.AccordingtoHunt:

…‘imagined’empathyservesasthefoundationofhumanrights.Itisimagined,notinthesenseofmadeup,butinthesensethatempathyrequiresaleapoffaith,ofimaginingthatsomeoneislikeyou.Accountsoftortureproducedthisimaginedempathythroughnewviewsofpain.Novelsgenerateditbyinducingnewsensationsabouttheinnerself.Eachintheirwayreinforcedthenotionofacommunitybasedonautonomous,empatheticindividualswhocouldrelatebeyondtheirimmediatefamilies,religiousaffiliations,orevennationstogreateruniversalvalues…Withoutthislearningprocess,‘equality’couldhavenodeepmeaningandinparticularnopoliticalconsequence.18

Soourmodern,legalisticnotionofhumanrights,suggestsHunt,isbuiltuponanethicsofempathy.Itis,however,difficulttotracetheexactcausalchainthatledfrompeoplereadingnovelstothesubsequentformationofassociationscampaigningagainstslavery,ortotheFrenchDeclarationoftheRightsofManin1789.Infact,thehumanitarianrevolutionoftheeighteenthandnineteenthcenturieswasfuellednotjustbyreading,butbythefocusedeffortofindividualsandgroupstoestablishsocialmovementsthatcouldmobiliseeventhosepeoplewhodidnotspendtheireveningswithanovelintheirhands.Andastrikingaspectofmanyofthesemovementsisthattheywerebasedonempathy:theymadeanexplicitattempttogetpeopletostepintotheshoesofothersandunderstandtheirsuffering.Asignificantportionofthenewempathy-drivenhumanitarianorganisationswere

establishedbyQuakers,aProtestantsectmoreformallyknownastheSocietyofFriends,whichhadbeenfoundedbyashoemaker ’sapprentice,GeorgeFox,inthemid-seventeenthcentury.TheQuakersweredistinguishednotjustbytheirsimpledressandcredothateverypersonhasadirect,unmediatedrelationshipwithGod,butbytheirbeliefinequality,pacifismandthevalueofsocialactivism.Intheirthreecenturiesofexistence,sayshistorianTheodoreZeldin,theSocietyofFriends‘hashadmoreinfluenceonhowhumanbeingstreateachotherthananygovernmenteverhad’.19Throughouttheirhistory,theQuakershavebelievedthatweshouldstrivetounderstandthelivesandsufferingofothers.Backin1763,theradicalAmericanQuakerJohnWoolmanvisitedNativeAmericansinWyalusing,Pennsylvania,whohadbeeninconflictwithlocalwhitesettlers.Intryingtoseethesituationfromtheirperspective,hewrotethat,‘IwasledtomeditateonthemanifolddifficultiesoftheseIndians…andanearsympathywiththemwasraisedinme.’Woolmanpreachedtheimportanceofdeveloping‘sympathy’(bywhichhemeant

‘empathy’)withallhumanbeings,andrefusedtopaytaxestofinancewarsagainstNativeAmericans,andwasavocalopponentofslavery.20TheQuakerswereparticularlyprominentagentsofsocialchangeinthe

eighteenthandnineteenthcenturies.In1783,BritishQuakersfoundedtheworld’sfirstorganisationtoagitateagainstslaveryandtheslavetrade.Theabolitionists,arguestheirhistorianAdamHochschild,‘placedtheirhopenotinsacredtextsbutinhumanempathy.’Theyaimedtogivemembersofthepublicavivid,almostvisceralsenseofwhatitmightbeliketobeaslave.TheyprintedashockingposteroftheBrookesslaveship,showinghownearly500Africanslaveswerepackedintothedark,airlesshullontheirvoyagetoBritishsugarplantationsintheCaribbean.TheysupportedtalksaroundBritainbyformerslaves,whodescribedtheirtreatmentingraphicdetail,suchasbeinghookedoncraneswithfifty-six-poundweightshangingfromtheirfeet,andthenbeingwhippedwithsharpebonybushes.Theyputtortureinstrumentsonpublicdisplay,includingthumbscrews,ironcollarsandthespeculumoris,aforce-feedinginstrumentthatwasusedtopryopenthemouthsofslaveswhowereattemptingtocommitsuicidebynoteating.Theyalsoorganisedthefirsteverfairtradeboycottofslave-producedsugar.TheresultoftheQuakers’determinedworkwasthattensofthousandsofpeoplehadtheirmindsopenedtoempathisewiththehardshipsfacedbyslaves.Theirinnovativecampaigns–alongsideotherfactorssuchasslaverevolts–playedavitalroleintheabolitionoftheslavetradein1807,andlatertheendofslaveryitself.21Quakerswerealsoextremelyactiveinotherfields,suchasprisonreform.Their

leadingfigurewasElizabethFry,whoin1813beganvisitingBritishprisonsandwasappalledatthesqualid,inhumaneconditionsshediscovered,especiallyforwomenprisonersandchildren.SherevealedalltothepublicinbookssuchasPrisonsinScotlandandtheNorthofEngland,wheresherecountshowshestayedovernightinsomegaolsherself–anearlycaseofexperientialempathicimmersion–andsheurgedmembersofthearistocracytodothesame,sotheycouldexperiencethedeplorableconditionsfirsthand.In1817,FryhelpedfoundtheAssociationfortheReformationoftheFemalePrisonersinNewgate,whichlaterbecamethefirstnationalorganisationforwomenprisoners.FrywasafirmadherentoftheGoldenRule,believingweshouldstriveto‘Doasthouwouldestbedoneunto’,whetheritwasinrelationtoprisoninmates,homelesspeopleorservants.22Apartfromtheirworkinprisons,Quakersinventedtheideaofgivinghumanitarianaidtociviliansduringwar:intheFranco-Prussianwarintheearly1870s,theybroughtfood,clothingandmedicinetobothsidesoftheconflict.Theywerealsobehindearlypoliticalcampaigningforwomen’srights,providingfourofthefiveleadersofthefeministmovementinnineteenth-centuryAmerica.23TheQuakers’roleinthehumanitarianrevolutionisinstructive.Collective

empathywasattheforefrontoftheirthinking:theirorganisationsendeavouredto

shifttheempathicimaginationsofwholesocieties,alertingmembersofthepubliconbothsidesoftheAtlantictoneglectedhumansuffering,andremindingthemoftheircommonhumanitywithdistantstrangerssuchasslaves,prisonersandthecasualtiesofwar.Theirexamplealsoshowsthatempathyisatitsmostpowerfulwhenitisembeddedaspartofacommunityethos.Quakerstodaycontinuetoadvocatesteppingintootherpeople’sshoes,justlikeJohnWoolmanandElizabethFry:theword‘empathy’hasaprominentplaceinthemissionstatementsofmanyQuakerorganisations.Theremaybenoothergroupinmodernsocietysocommittedtotheidealofarevolutionofhumanrelationships.ThereisamessageofhopeintheQuakers’empathicactivism.Theywere

constantlyfacedbybarriersandcampaigningagainsttheodds.Inthestruggleagainstslavery,theyengagedintheseeminglyimpossibletaskofmobilisingpublicopinionforstrangersofadifferentraceontheothersideoftheplanet,atatimewhenmostpeoplebelievedthatslaverywasmorallyjustifiedoraneconomicnecessity.Thesuccessoftheirmovementconfirmsthatcollectiveempathycantakehistoryinnewdirections.Whenwecontemplateaddressingcontemporarycrisessuchasglobalinequalityorclimatechange,weshouldremembertheQuakers’faithinthespiritofempathy.

TheSecondWave:theexpansionofrightsaftertheSecondWorldWar

ThefirstwaveofcollectiveempathyinWesternhistoryproducedremarkableachievements.Butletusnotgetcomplacent.Twoworldwarsinthetwentiethcenturyseemedtoputthegainsofthehumanitarianrevolutionintoreverse,tragicallydemonstratingthatthecapacityforcrueltyandbarbarismremainspartofournatures.InthedecadesfollowingtheSecondWorldWar,however,asecondwaveofcollectiveempathyemerged,whichexpandedrightstonewsocialgroups,andpushedtheboundariesofethicalconcernbeyondthelimitsofnationalfrontiers.AccordingtoJeremyRifkin:

IntheaftermathoftheHolocaustinWorldWarII,humanitysaid‘neveragain’.Weextendedempathytolargenumbersofourfellowhumanbeingspreviouslyconsideredtobelessthanhuman–includingwomen,homosexuals,thedisabled,peopleofcolour,andethnicandreligiousminorities–andencodedoursensitivityintheformofsocialrightsandpolicies,humanrightslaws,andnowevenstatutestoprotectanimals.Weareinthelongendgameofincluding‘theother,’‘thealien,’‘theunrecognised.’24

Theendgameisindeedlong,andfullofbacktracking,brokenpromisesandpartialvictories.Womenarestilldiscriminatedagainstintheworkplaceandsubjectedtodomesticviolence,gaymarriageremainsbannedinmostcountries,and

therightsofindigenouspeoplecontinuetobeviolatedwithimpunityaroundtheworld.Yettheadvanceshavebeenveryreal,andcouldnothavehappenedwithoutaconcertedefforttoforgeempathyonamassscale.ThecivilrightsmovementintheUnitedStatesinthe1950sand1960sprovidesa

compellingexampleofthepoliticalimpactofempathy.MartinLutherKingexplicitlydrewonempathicthinkingwhenmakingthecaseforracialequality.Inhisfamous1963LetterfromBirminghamJail–oneofthemostinfluentialdocumentsofthecivilrightsstruggle–herefersdirectlytotheempathicideasofthephilosopherMartinBuber,especiallyBuber ’sdistinctionbetweenan‘I–thou’andan‘I–It’relationship.Segregationlaws,wroteKing,takethelatterform,wherepeoplearetreatedasinferiorandinhumanelyrelegatedtothestatusofobjectsor‘things’.OthersapartfromMartinLutherKingbroughtempathytobearonthecivilrightsmovement.RecallhowJohnHowardGriffinconductedanempathicimmersiontocommunicatetowhiteAmericanswhatitmightbeliketobeanAfrican-AmericanlivingintheracistDeepSouth,andwriterssuchasJamesBaldwinrevealedtheinjusticesofsegregationanddiscriminationthroughAfrican-Americaneyes.Togetherwithnon-violentprotests,legalaction,andotherstrategies,empathyplayedafundamentalroleinbridgingthedivideofrace,andingettingequalrightslegislationontothestatutebooks.Thepost-warperiodalsosawtheriseofanewgenerationofhumanitarian

organisationsworkingtospreadempathicconcernfromwithinnationalborderstoincludepeoplelivinginthedevelopingworld.Oxfam,initiallyfoundedinBritainin1942tosendfoodaidtoGreekswhowerestarvingunderoccupationbytheAxispowers,soonextendeditsfaminereliefworktoAfrica,AsiaandLatinAmerica.AmnestyInternational–which,likeOxfam,hadQuakersamongstitsfounders–tookasimilarlyinternationalistperspective.TheseandotherinternationalhumanitarianagenciessuchasMédecinsSansFrontièreshavebasedtheircampaignsbothondirectappealstoidealslikehumanrights,andonhelpingusmakeanempathicconnectionwiththosesufferingfromeconomicdeprivationandpoliticalviolence.Theuseofphotography,filmandoraltestimonyhaveallbeenpartofthisefforttoigniteourlatenthomosocioempathicus.Whilethefirstwaveofcollectiveempathywaslargelybasedonthereading

revolutionandthecampaignsofsocialgroupssuchasQuakers,theimpetusforthesecondwavehascomefromavarietyofothersources.ThepersecutionofJewsandGypsies(Roma)duringtheSecondWorldWarputtheprotectionoftherightsofethnicandreligiousminoritiesatthetopoftheinternationalpublicagenda.Thespreadoftelevisionfromthe1950sbroughtimagesofsufferingfromaroundtheworlddirectlyintopeople’shomes,sensitisingthemtoglobalissuesliketheVietnamWarandthefamineinBiafra.Theshiftfromclass-basedpoliticsto‘identity’-basedpoliticshelpedgiverisetothegayrightsandwomen’smovements,

andeffortstoenddiscriminationagainstpeoplewithdisabilities.Allthesefactorsopenedthewayforthepost-warsurgeincollectiveempathyandthegrowingrecognitionofthecommonhumanityofallpeoples.Theorganisationsandmovementsbehindthesecondwavediscoveredthatthe

possibilityforcreatingmassempathydependsonthepresenceofspecificconditionsthatenablepeopletoconvertemotionalengagementintopracticalaction.Ithelpsifthereareclearthingswecandotomakeadifference,aswasthecaseintheaftermathoftheAsiantsunamiin2004,whereallittookwasclickingthe‘donate’buttononawebsite.Wearemorelikelytotakeactionifwehaveexperiencedsimilarsufferingourselves:ifyousurvivedhavingbowelcancer,thisincreasestheprobabilitythatyouwilllendsupporttoabowelcancercharity.Ithelpstooifwehavearelationalconnectiontotheissue:youwillmarchforgayrightsifyourbestfriendhappenstobealesbian,evenifyouarenot.Wearealsomorelikelytocometopeople’saidifwedonotbelievetheyaretoblamefortheirmisfortune.25Suchconditionsandcontextscan‘tip’or‘nudge’usfromfeelingempathyforsomeonetoactingontheirbehalf.AccordingtopsychologistPaulBloom,empathyisanunreliableguidetomoral

actionsincewemorereadilyextendourempathytosingle,identifiablevictimsinourimmediatevicinitythantomassesofstrangers,whethertheyarevictimsofhumanrightsabusesinothercountriesorpoorchildrenfacingmalnutritioninourown.Instead,hebelievesthatweshouldbaseourethicalthinkingontheuseofreason:‘areasoned,evencounter-empatheticanalysisofmoralobligationandlikelyconsequencesisabetterguidetoplanningforthefuturethanthegutwrenchofempathy.’Weneedtoappreciate,heargues,that‘evenifwedon’tempathizewithdistantstrangers,theirliveshavethesamevalueasthelivesofthosewelove’.26WhatBloomismissinghereisanhistoricalunderstandingofthelinkbetween

empathyandreason.Asthefirstandsecondwavesofempathydemonstrate,theexplanationforwhywebelieveallhumansshouldbetreatedandvaluedequally–akeybeliefoftheAgeofReason–andwhyweenshrinesuchidealsinlawsandrightsconventions,isbecauseempathyhasmadeuscareabouttheplightofstrangersoutsideourlocalcommunity.FromthereadingrevolutionandtheQuakermovementsthathelpedbringdownslavery,tothephotographyofLewisHinethatinspiredchildlabourlawsandthecivilrightsactivismofthe1960s,empathyhasbeenadrivingforceforextendinguniversalrightstoallhumanbeings.Withoutit,wemightstillbelivinginaworldwithoutadequatesocialprotectionforchildrenoranygayrightslegislationwhatsoever.AsthepoliticalthinkerMatthewTaylorhasargued,‘theemotionalfoundationofuniversalismisempathy.’27Empathyandreasonarenotpolaropposites,ascriticslikeBloomwouldhaveusbelieve,butrathermutuallyreinforcingidealsonwhichwecanbuildamorehumanecivilisation.Indeed,itis‘thegutwrenchofempathy’thatwrenchesopenthedoorof

ourcommonconcern–andonlythendoesreasonhaveachancetowedgeitopenwithlawsandrights.In1975,duringanaddresstoaHarvardgraduationclass,MuhammadAliwas

askedforapoembyamemberoftheaudience.Hispithyreply:‘Me,We.’Itwasnotjustoneoftheshortestpoemsinhistory,butamessageaboutempathy–thatweareeachpartofagreaterwhole,andonlyfullyrealiseourhumanitybycreatingbondswithothers.Highlyempathicpeopleunderstandthisphilosophyof‘Me,We’.Itcallsonustocontributetothetaskofcreatingmassempathybytakingpartinsocialmovementsourselvesandbymotivatingotherstojoinus.Wecangoonademonstration,organiseameeting,anddonatetimeaswellasmoneytothecauseswecareabout,whetheritisimmigrants’rights,criminaljusticereform,orthelonelinessoftheelderly.Itisthroughsuchactsofwillthatwetransformpoliticsintofarmorethanaplaygroundforprofessionalpoliticians,andinjectpubliclifewithasurgeofcollectiveempathicpassion.

TheThirdWave:deepeningpersonalrelationshipsintheageofneuroscience

Thesocialstrugglesofthefirstandsecondwavesofcollectiveempathyremainwithus.SlaverymayhavebeenabolishedintheWestinthenineteenthcentury,butsomeofitsmodernoffspringsuchasdebtbondageandsexualslaverycontinueinmanycountries.Therearevolumesoflawsbanningracialdiscriminationagainstethnicminoritiesbutinequitiesstillabound,forinstanceinpoliceracismandworkplacediscrimination.Whilethesestrugglesgoon,athirdwaveofcollectiveempathyhasemerged

sincethe1990s,andishavingaglobalresonance.Unliketheearlierwaves,itsemphasishasbeenlessonexpandingrightstopreviouslyneglectedsocialgroupsthanonharnessingthepowerofempathytodeepenandrestorethequalityofrelationshipsbetweenindividuals.Theterm‘empathy’hasalsobeenusedmoreprominentlyinpublicmessagingandhighlightedasacatalystforchangeinandofitself.Thislatestwavehasmadeitsmarkinthreepromisingnewrealms:theteachingofempathyskillstoschoolchildren;resolvingandmediatingconflictsituations;andgeneratingempathyforfuturegenerationstohelptackleclimatechange.Althoughstilljusttakingoff,ithasbeenfuelledbytheresearchinneuroscienceandevolutionarybiologythathasraisedawarenessofourempathicbrains,andbythegrowingevidencefromchildandeducationalpsychologythatempathycanbelearnedandnurturedthroughoutourlives.WalkintoaprimaryorsecondaryschoolinaWesterncountrytoday,andthereis

agoodchancethatyouwillfindpupilslearningempathyskills.Someoftheworld’s

firstempathyclassestookplaceinFinlandinthe1980s,butitwasonlyinthefollowingdecadethattheideaofteachingempathyinschoolsbegantoenterthemainstream.ItisastonishingthatoverhalfamillionchildrenhavetakentheRootsofEmpathyprogramme–inwhichtheteacherisababy–andthatithasspreadfromCanadatoNewZealand,Germanyandothernations.Thisisnottheonlyinitiativeonoffer.InBritainin2005,thegovernmentcreatedtheSocialandEmotionalAspectsofLearning(SEAL)programme,whichputsafocusonteachingempathyalongsideotheremotionalskillslikeself-awarenessandmanagingfeelings.By2010,around80percentofprimaryandsecondaryschoolswererunningSEAL,eventhoughitwasnotacompulsorypartofthecurriculum.Amongsttheteachingmaterialsisaunitonbullying,wherethestudentsdiscusswhatitmightfeelliketobebulliedanddoroleplaystoexpandperspective-takingabilities.EmpathyalsohasacentralroleintheInternationalBaccalaureate(IB)PrimaryYearsProgramme.WhenIvisitedtheInternationalSchoolofAmsterdamtoseeitinaction,Year5students(agedtenandeleven)wereengagedinaneight-weeklearningunitcalled‘DifferentPeople,DifferentLives’todevelopempathy,respectandtolerance.Oneactivityinvolvedatriptoamuseumofblindness(wheretheyareimmersedindarknesswithblindguides),thendoingaprojectdesigningtheirownmini-museumtogivepeopletheexperienceofsteppingintotheshoesofthosewhohaveavisualimpairment.28Thethirdwaveisalsohavinganimpactthroughagrowingnumberofpeace-

buildingandmediationprojectsthatexplicitlyuseempathytohelpresolveconflictsituations,andthatarescalingitupintoapowerfulcollectiveforce.Oneofthemostinnovative–andcontroversial–istheParentsCircle-FamiliesForum,whichbringstogetherIsraelisandPalestinianswhosefamilymembershavebeenkilledintheconflict.Itscoreactivityisholdingmeetingswhereindividualsfrombothsidessharetheirpersonalstoriesofpainandloss.Theorganisation,whichcomprisesoversixhundredfamilies,hasbeenfiercelycriticisedbyIsraelipoliticians,religiousgroupsandthemainstreammediaforitsattemptstocreategrass-rootsdialoguebetweenIsraelisandPalestinians.TheIsraeliEducationMinistryhaseventriedtobanitsmeetings,claimingthatthey‘legitimiseterrorists’,andhasprohibitedsomePalestinianmembersfromgivingpublictalks.Thishasnotstoppedthegroupfromembarkingonarangeofpioneeringreconciliationprojects.Oneinitiativebeganwithawrongphonenumber.In2000,duringtheSecond

Intifada,anIsraeliwomannamedNataliaWieseltierdialledaJewishfriendinTelAviv,butfoundherselftalkingtoaPalestiniannamedJihadwhowaslivingintheGazaStrip.Insteadofhangingupshestartedaconversationinwhichtheyspokeabouttheirverydifferentlives.SoonNataliawasgettingphonecallsfromJihad’sfamily,andshethenputthemintouchwithherownnetworkoffriends.TheideawastakenupbytheParentsCircle,whichestablishedtheHelloPeacetelephoneline.

Membersofthepubliccoulddialafreephonenumber:ifyouwereIsraeliyouwereputthroughtoaPalestiniantotalkwiththemforuptohalfanhour,andifyouwerePalestinianyouspoketoanIsraeli.Between2002and2009therewereoveramillionconversationsbetweenthetwosides.Whilesomecallsbeganasscreamingmatches,othersledtolastingfriendships.OneIsraelifamilyendedupregularlymeetingtheirPalestiniancounterpartsatabordercrossingtohandoverinsulinforadiabeticsonwhowasunabletogetenoughofthedrugfromPalestinianhospitals.Foralaterproject,namedBloodRelations,bereavedIsraelistravelledtoa

hospitalinRamallahanddonatedbloodforPalestinianvictims,whilebereavedPalestinianfamilieswenttoJerusalemanddonatedbloodtotheIsraeliRedCross.Theaimoftheprojectwascapturedinasinglequestion:‘Couldyouhurtsomeonewhohasyourbloodrunningthroughtheirveins?’TheParentsCirclealsooperatesaschoolsprogramme,inwhichanIsraeliandaPalestinianteamupandgivetalkstoIsraeliteenagersabouttoentermilitaryservice,simplytellingthemthestoryoftheirpersonalloss.Atthecentreofalltheirprojectsisabeliefinthepowerofconversation,reflectedinthegroup’smotto,‘Itwon’tstopuntilwetalk’.AsoneParentsCircleactiviststresses,empathicdialogueisthekeytoendingtheconflict:‘Wemustbepreparedtolistento“theother”.Becauseifwewillnotlistentotheother ’sstorywewon’tbeabletounderstandthesourceoftheirpainandweshouldnotexpecttheothertounderstandourown.’29AnothertrailblazingpeaceinitiativeisaRwandanradiosoapoperacalled

MusekeweyaorNewDawn,whichisbroadcastacrossthecountryeveryWednesdayafternoonandislistenedtobynine-tenthsofthepopulation.Itsstoryline–whichconcernsTutsisandHutuslivinginadjacentvillages–isspecificallywrittentopromotetheimportanceofempathy.Althoughthetwovillagesarefictional,thetensionsbetweenthemmirrorthosepresentintherun-uptothe1994genocide.Theaimofthesoapoperaistofostercommunityhealingandnationalreconciliation,andreducethepossibilitiesofarevivalofethnicviolence.30Whatthisandotherconflictresolutionprogrammesshareisarecognitionthatnewlawsandpeaceagreementsnegotiatedatthepoliticallevelarenotenough:long-termpeacerequiresrebuildingpersonalrelationshipsfromthegroundup–andempathyisthetooltodoit.

ActorsplayoutethnictensionsintheRwandanradiosoapMusekeweya,whichislistenedtobymillionsofpeopleeveryweek.

Thegreatestcontemporarychallengeforempathyisinhelpingtoconfrontclimatechange.Themagnitudeoftheclimatecrisisisextreme.ThelatestreportoftheUN’sIntergovernmentalPanelonClimateChange,whichbringstogethertheworkofthousandsoftheworld’sleadingclimatescientists,isabsolutelyclearinitsmainconclusions:globalwarmingisascientificreality,theprimarydriverishumanactivity,andgreenhouse-gasemissionlevelscontinuetorisebeyondsafelevels.Datafrom2012revealsthatthereisonlyonefifthasmuchseaiceintheArcticastherewasin1980.Internationalagreementstopreventtheincreaseofcarbonemissionshavesofarfailed,andinmid-2013carbondioxideconcentrationintheatmospheretippedoverthedangermarkof400partspermillion(safelevelsarearound350ppm).Just14percentoftheworld’spopulation–fromwealthycountriesliketheUnitedStates,JapanandWesternEurope–areresponsiblefor60percentoftheemissionssince1850.31Despitesuchstatistics,theamountofactionbeingtakenbyindividuals,governmentsandbusinessestostemglobalwarmingisperilouslylimited,andwearepushingourselvestowardsecologicalcatastrophe.Weneedtoshakeupourthinkingtounderstandhowempathycouldcontributeto

alleviatingthecrisis.Ifyoureadthenewspapers,theissueofglobalwarmingisusuallyframedasonerequiringtechnologicalsolutions,forexamplecarbon

captureandstorage,orgovernmentregulationsonemissionlevels.Soletmeexplainjustwhyitissoessentialthatwealsoconsiderempathyaspartofthemosaicofstrategiesweshouldadopt,andthenrevealsomeofthepracticalactionthatisalreadyunderway.Forastart,weneedtogeneratemoreempathyacrossspace.Wearelargely

ignoringtheplightofthosewhoselivesarebeingdevastatedtodaybytheconsequencesofourhighemissionlevels,especiallypeoplelivingindevelopingcountries.WhetheritisfloodsinWestBengal,droughtinEthiopia,orrisingsealevelsinTuvalu,climatechangerelatedweathereventsarehavingmajorhumanimpacts,forcingcommunitiestosurroundtheirvillageswithflooddefences,selltheirlivestockinthefaceofdrought,orleavebehindtheonlyhometheyhaveeverknown.Yethowmucheffortdowemaketopicturetherealityoftheirlives,andseetheindividualsbehindtheheadlinesandstatistics?HowmightweactdifferentlyifweempathisedwithwomenlikeAnnapurnaBeheri,whosehomeandsmallfamilyshopsellingbiscuitsinOrissa,India,werewashedawayinflashfloodsafewyearsago?32Thereisanequallysevereempathydeficitthroughtime.Wearefailingtotakethe

perspectiveoffuturegenerationswhowillhavetolivewiththedetrimentaleffectsofourcontinuingaddictiontohigh-carbonlifestyles.Wewouldhardlytreatourimmediatefamilymemberswithsuchcallousdisregardandkeepactinginwaysthatweknewwouldharmthem.Buttheideaofmakingpersonalsacrificesnowforthebenefitofpeoplewhodonotyetexistandwhowewillnevermeetisachallengingone.Thisispartlyduetotheshort-termthinkingthatpervadesWesternculture,wherepoliticianscanbarelyseebeyondthenextelection,andcorporationsbeyondthenextquarterlyresults.WelackthewisdomoftheIroquoismaxim,‘Ineverydeliberation,wemustconsidertheimpactontheseventhgeneration…evenifitrequireshavingskinasthickasthebarkofapine.’Butwealsosuccumbtoshort-termismbecausenoteveryoneisourprogeny.Wearebiologicallywiredtoworryaboutthefuturewelfareofourownchildrenandgrandchildren,butfinditfarhardertotakeinterestintheprospectsforthedescendantsofourneighbours,letaloneofpeoplelivingindistantlands.33Manyclimatechangeactivists,environmentalorganisationsandpolicymakers

arestartingtorealisethatexpandingempathyacrossspaceandthroughtimecanratchetupourmoralconcerntonewlevelsandspurustotakeconcreteaction.Theyunderstandthatwemustbecomeexpertsatimaginingourselvesintothelivesandthoughtsofthecurrentandfuturevictimsofglobalwarming.AmongstthemanypowerfuleffortstodevelopempathyacrossspaceistheHardRainProjectexhibition,whichhasbeentouringtheworldsince2006.Itcontainsmovingphotosrelatedtoclimatechange,habitatloss,poverty,andhumanrights,combinedwithlyricsfromtheBobDylansong‘AHardRain’sA-GonnaFall’.34Anumberofthe

photos,suchasanInuithunterstandingonatiny,meltingpieceofice,drawonempathicperspective-taking,andpersonalisetherealityofglobalwarmingindevelopingcountriesandremoteregions.In2007,thedevelopmentagencyOxfamtookaninnovativesteptoraisepublicawarenessaboutclimatechange.InJunethatyearJennaMeredith,aresidentofthecityofHull,lostheruninsuredhomeintheworstfloodsBritainhadseeninsixtyyears.Afterbecomingacommunityspokespersontogetthegovernmenttoboostreliefefforts,OxfamtookhertovisitfloodvictimsineasternIndia,wheremillionshadbeenmadehomeless.‘Itwasheartbreaking,’shesaidafterreturningfromherone-weektrip.‘IhavebeenfloodedoutandlosteverythingsoIknowwhatitislikeforthepeopleinIndia.ButincomparisonIfeellucky.Wecangoandbuyfoodfromtheshops,butthepeopleI’vemethavelosttheircrops.Theyhaven’tgotanything.’Havingmadeanempathicconnection,Jenna’sexperiencetransformedherintoavocalpublicadvocatefortakingactiononclimatechangeinthedevelopingworld.35Thereallydifficulttaskliesingeneratingempathythroughtime.Thepositive

newsisthatcreativemindshavebeenatworktofindwaystotransportusintotheshoesoffuturegenerations.Anexampleisthe2009filmTheAgeofStupid,inwhichthestoryistoldfromtheperspectiveofanoldmanlivinginthedevastatedworldof2055,lookingbackat‘archive’footageandasking,‘Whydidn’twestopclimatechangewhenwehadthechance?’Itisjustthekindoffilmthatcanmakeusunderstandthatoureverydayconsumerhabitsmightbeviewedas‘carboncrimes’byfuturegenerations.Dowereallywanttoactlikecriminals?OxfamhasproducedateachingresourcecalledClimateChaos,foruseamongstprimaryschoolchildren.Oneexercise,‘FromMyGrandchild’,askspupilstoimaginewhatlifecouldbelikeintheUKinfiftyyears’time,whentheymayhaveagrandchildtheagetheyarenow,iftheclimatecontinuestochange.Theythenwriteastoryfromtheviewpointoftheirowngrandchild.36Weshouldbecampaigningtoputsuchactivitiesattheheartofallourchildren’seducation.Whereweneedtothinkharderisinusingconversationalempathytocatapultus

intofuturelives.Manychild-andyouth-ledorganisations,suchasChildreninaChangingClimate,areattemptingtoalertadultstotheirconcernsaboutglobalwarmingandengagethemindialogue.37Yetweurgentlyrequireinitiativesthatdomoretocapturethepublicimagination.Myownsuggestion,basedonmyexperienceorganisingConversationMealsatTheOxfordMuse,istohold‘ClimateStreetBanquets’.Innineteenth-centuryFrancetherewereconversationbanquetsthatbroughttogetherpeoplefromdifferentclassestohelpbridgesocialdivides.Weneedsomethingsimilarforclimatechange–notacrossclasses,butacrossgenerations.Policy-makersandpoliticianshearfarmorefromeachotherthanfromthechildrenandyouthswhoseliveswillbemostaffectedbyglobalwarming,andwhoseviewsrepresenttheperspectivesoffuturegenerationsmorethananyother

groupinsociety.SoIproposethatonanagreeddayeachyear,everymajorcityholdsacross-generationalClimateBanquet,whichinvitesathousandyoungpeopletositdownoppositeathousandolderpeopletodiscussthefutureimpactsofglobalwarming.Amongtheadultswouldbepoliticians,oilcompanyexecutives,climatechangescepticsandpeoplewhotakeregularshort-haulplaneflightsfortheirholidays.Justpictureamile-longlineoftrestletablessnakingthroughthecitystreets,withathousandconversationshappeningatonce.Thesearethekindsofprojectsthatcanhelprouseusintoaction,whetheritis

protestingonthestreets,travellingbytrainnotplane,orjoiningalow-carbon-livingcommunity.Bychoosingtoplayarole,wewillbecomeagentsinspreadingthethirdwaveofcollectiveempathy.Thegargantuantaskofconfrontingtheclimatecrisisleavesmanypeopleparalysedwithdespair.Ipreferhope.AfewyearsagoIwasataclimatechangerallyinLondonwitharound40,000otherpeople.Anelderlygrandmothernexttomehadaphotographofatinybabyhangingaroundherneck,containedinaplasticsleeve.Underneathitsaid,‘I’mhereforAlice,agedonemonth.’Thisphotograph,forme,wasasmallandmovingsignofhopethatweallunderstandtheimportanceofempathyforthefateofhumankind.

Theprospectsforbioempathy

Climatechangeisonlypartoftheecologicalcrisisweface.Alongsideit,biodiversityloss,naturalresourcedepletionandenvironmentalpollutionareputtingtheplanetunderimmensepressure.Speciesextinctionhasacceleratedexponentiallyoverthepasthundredyears.IfeveryoneontheplanetconsumednaturalresourcesattherateoftheaverageEuropean,wewouldneedtwoplanetEarthstosustainus–andifweconsumedattheUSrate,wewouldrequirenearlyfive.38Thepressuresarebeingexacerbatedbyagrowingglobalmiddleclassandanexpandingglobalpopulationthatmayreachninebillionpeopleby2050.Whyarewenotdoingmoretopreventthedecimationofourfragile

environment?Perhapstheproblemisthatwesimplydonotcareenoughaboutnature,bothassomethingvaluableinitself,andasthelife-supportsystemforhumanbeings.Ifonlywecaredmore,andtrulyrecognisedourinterdependencewiththenaturalworld,thenwewouldacttostemthetideofdestruction.Thatiswhyagrowingchorusofvoices,fromdeepecologiststoanimalrightsactivists,arguethatweurgentlyneedtoexpandourempathytoincludeanimals,plantlifeandtheEarthitself,withtheaimofcreatingwhatJeremyRifkincallsa‘globalempathicconsciousness’.39Theattempttoextendtheboundariesofthethirdwaveofempathyacrossspecies

isprovingcontroversial,sinceforthelastcenturypsychologistshavealmost

exclusivelythoughtaboutempathyasapurelyhuman-to-humanphenomenon.Butcoulditbethatwepossessahiddencapacityfor‘bioempathy’?Thereisstrongevidencethatwecanempathisewithcertainanimalspecies,

especiallythosethatseemtodisplaysimilaremotionaltraitstohumanbeings,suchaschimpanzees,bonobos,andgorillas.40WhentheprimatologistDianFosseyspentthirteenyearsstudyingmountaingorillasinRwanda,shedevelopedstrongempathicattachmentstomanyofthem,particularlythosewhomshehadwatchedgrowup.Sheobservedtheirfearwhenconfrontedwithphysicaldanger,theirjoywhenplayingtogether,andnoticedwhentheybecameangryoragitated.Itwasevidenttoherthatthegorillasexperiencedawholerangeofhuman-likeemotions–whichshewouldoftenmirrorempathicallyinherownresponsestothem.Fossey’scross-speciesemotionalconnectionwasneverclearerthanwhenoneofherfavourites,agorillanamedDigitshehadknownfortenyears,wasfoundwithhisheadandhandshackedoffbypoachers:

Therearetimeswhenonecannotacceptfactsforfearofshatteringone’sbeing…Fromthatmomenton,Icametolivewithinaninsulatedpartofmyself…IhavetriednottoallowmyselftothinkofDigit’sanguish,pain,andthetotalcomprehensionhemusthavesufferedinknowingwhathumansweredoingtohim.41

AnimalempathydoesnotonlyhappeninthemountainsofcentralAfrica.Thesightofadogwhimperingandrecoilingbecauseitisabouttobehitbysomeonetriggersavisceralresponseinmostofus.Wemayphysicallyflinchandfeeladesperateconcernforitsplight(especiallyifitisourdog).Insuchcases,ourempathyisbasedonafundamentalcharacteristicwesharewithmanyspecies:apreferencetoavoidpainandpreserveourownlife.Weknowthatthedog–justlikeus–doesnotwanttobebeatenorkilled.ThiskindofempathicsensitivityhasmotivatedpeopletoalleviatethesufferingofothercreatureseversincethefoundationoftheSocietyforthePreventionofCrueltytoAnimalsinEnglandin1824.42Onlyagenerationagoitseemedeccentrictoattributerightstoanimals,butthisisnowcommonplace.Weneedasimilarattitudinalshifttodaysothattheideaofcross-speciesempathybecomesanacceptedculturalnorm.Butthereareofcourselimitstoourabilitytoempathisewithanimals.People

oftenclaimthattheycanseeguiltorsadnessonthefaceoftheirpetdog.Thereisarisk,however,thatweareanthropomorphising–attributinghumanemotionstoanimalsthatwecannotbecertaintheyareexperiencing.Thecaseforanimalempathybecomesevenmoremurkywhenweconsiderspeciesthathaveminimalbiologicalresemblancetohumans.Howeasilycanweunderstandtheperspectiveofamosquito,anearthworm,oratinyPaedocyprisfish,whichisaround8mmlong?Canwemirrortheiremotionalstates(iftheyhaveany)?Therearesomeorganismswhosestateofbeingremainsamysterytous,onbothacognitiveandaffectivelevel.Suchcreaturesareoutsidethepurviewofourempathiccapacities.Thesame

istrueforplants.Thereisnoestablishedevidencethatsunflowersoroaktreespossessconsciousnessorengageinpurposefulthought(theylackanervoussystem).43Andthatrulesoutthestrictdefinitionofempathy,forwecannotstepintothemindofanorganismthatdoesnothaveone:thereisnoperspectiveforustograsp,noimaginationtocomprehend.Thisisnottosaythathumanbeingsarebiologicallyoremotionallydetached

fromnature.Farfromit.Likemanypeople,Ihaveweptwhilewatchingoneofmyfavouritetreesbeingchoppeddown,andfeelapangofsadnesseverytimeIcyclepastthechurchyardincentralOxfordwhereithadstoodforoveracentury.Studiesofhospitalpatientsshowthatthosewhocanviewplantlifethroughtheirwindowrecoverfromoperationsmorerapidly,andrequirefewerpainkillers,thanthosewhoarestaringoutonabrickwall.Childrenwithattentiondeficitdisorderexperienceareductionofsymptomswhentheystepintothewild.44Andmostofushaveexperiencedthestrangesenseofmentalcalmthatcertainhabitatscanevokeinus,likewhenwalkingthroughabeechforestonafreshspringmorning.Whatisgoingoninsuchcases?Theleadingexplanationisthattheseareallexamplesof‘biophilia’,aterminventedbytheevolutionarybiologistEdwardO.Wilson,whichreferstoour‘innatetendencytofocusonlifeandlife-likeformsand,insomeinstances,toaffiliatewiththememotionally’.45Theideaisthatourveryexistenceisintimatelyintertwinedwithournaturalsurroundings,andbeingdivorcedfromnaturecanerodeourphysicalandmentalhealth.Whyelsedowefillourofficesandhomeswithpotplants?Therealquestionishow,ifatall,biophiliaandempathymightbeconnected.

Coulditbethatouremotionalresponsetonature–forinstancewhenwefeelwiltedanddepresseduponseeingawiltingplant–mightinvolvesomeofthesamemirrorneuronprocessesassociatedwithhuman-to-humanempathy?Atthispointintimeanyrelationshipbetweenbiophiliaandempathyremainsspeculative.Exploringthelinkbetweenthemisoneofthemostexcitingfuturechallengesforthoseworkingatthefrontiersofneuroscienceresearch,andisthenextstepinourquesttowardsdevelopingaglobalempathicconsciousness.Thereisalreadyscientificworkbeingdoneonthewaythatexposuretoplantlifecanalterhumanmoods,andtriggeremotionsandmemories–somethingthatpoetsandnaturalistshaverecognisedsincetheromanticeraintheeighteenthcentury.46Itisnotsuchalargesteptosupposethatnaturecaninducesomeformofempathicresponsetoo.Myhunchisthatweareonthebrinkofdiscoveringahumancapacityfor‘bioempathy’.Evenifitturnsoutthatwecannot,inastrictsense,extendempathytoalllifeon

earth,wecanstillusetheskillsofempathisingtodeepenourcarefornatureandappreciationofoursymbioticrelationshipwithit.Justaswemightcultivatecuriosityaboutthestrangerslivinginourneighbourhood,wecanapplyourcuriositytotheplantsandanimalsthatwetypicallywalkstraightpastinthelocal

park,exploringtheiruniquebeautiesandexpandingoursenseofwonderaboutthem.JustaswemaytryexperientialimmersionslikeGeorgeOrwell’stripsonthestreetsofEastLondon,wecanimmerseourselvesinwildernessandseehowtheexperiencechangesus–campingonamountaintop,swimminginastream,orramblingthroughawoodandsuddenlycomingface-to-facewitharoamingdeer.IonceaskedtheBritishecologistandhedgehogexpertHughWarwickwhetheritwaspossibletoempathisewithanimalslikethehumblehedgehog.Hisreply,bothplayfulandserious,helpedmeunderstandthattheempathicabilitytolookfromanotherperson’sperspectiveistheultimatetransferableskill,andhasthepowertobondustothenaturalworld:

Itisimpossibletoknowexactlywhatitfeelsliketobeahedgehog.ButwhatIaskpeopletodoistochangetheirperspective.Literally.Getdownathedgehoglevel,getnose-to-nosewithahedgehogandthenlookattheirworldfromthisposition.Thiswillgiveyouaninsightintothecomplicationswehavethrowninthepathofhedgehogs.Whetheritisthecarsontheroadsthatnotonlythreatenextinction,butalsofragmenttheenvironmentbypreventingmovement,tothelitterthatcollarsandkillshedgehogs,tothegardensgivenovertocar-ports,deckingandpatios,andtheborderscleansedoflifewithagro-toxins–wegettoseethoseanthropogenicthreatsallthemoreclearly.Butformethemostimportantthingisthecontactoftheeyes–lookingatahedgehoglookingatme–eyesmeetingandtherebeingthisalmostintangiblesparkofwildness.Gazeatahedgehogandletyourselffallinlovewithnature.47

Ridingtherevolutionarywave

Lookingbackatthehistoricalrecord,wecannottellthestoryofthehumanjourneywithoutincludingaheftychapteronthepowerofempathy.Forthreehundredyears,duetotheworkofsocialactivistsandthemovementstheyhavefounded,wavesofcollectiveempathyhavebeentransformingtheculturalandpoliticallandscape.WhenIbeganresearching,writingabout,andexperimentingwithempathyovera

decadeago,Icouldscarcelyhaveimaginedhowpopulartheconceptwasgoingtobecome.Longconfinedtoacademicpsychologyandtherapycircles,itisnowafamiliarideatobrainscientists,policymakers,happinessexpertsandeducators.Thelatestempathywaveisproducingground-breakinginitiativesaroundtheworld,fromtheRootsofEmpathyschoolclassestothepeaceprojectsoftheParentsCircle,frominterfaithdialoguespromotingtoleranceamongstpeopleofdifferentreligions,torestorativejusticeprogrammesinprisonswherevictimsofcrimesitdownandtalkface-to-facewiththeperpetrators.Agrowinginterestinempathycanbefoundamongstdesignersandarchitects,manyoftheminspiredbyinnovatorslikePatriciaMoore,andamongstsocialentrepreneurswhounderstandthattheprimarypurposeofsteppingintosomeoneelse’sshoesisnottosellthemmoreproductsbuttopromotetheirwellbeing.Empathyis,moreover,becomingthewatchwordforanewgenerationofactivistscampaigningonissuessuchaseconomicinequality,disabilityrights,climatechange,andgenderjustice.In2012

OccupyprotestersintheUnitedKingdomandNorthAmericawereattendingempathytrainingworkshops,andholdingdiscussionsin‘EmpathyTents’andaround‘EmpathyTables’.Theunprecedentedpopularityofempathyisreflectedindatashowingthat

between2004and2013theuseoftheword‘empathy’asaninternetsearchtermdoubled,whileoverthesamedecadesearchesfor‘sympathy’droppedbyaround30percent.48Althoughthismightseemlikelinguisticfashion,itrevealshowwehavebecomemoreinterestedinunderstandingotherpeople,ratherthanmerelypityingthem.AlmostexactlyacenturyafterthewordempathyenteredtheEnglishlanguage,ithasbecometheconceptofchoiceforthesociallyminded.Noneofthiscouldhavehappenedwithoutcollectiveeffortstolaunchtheempathy

revolutionintoeverycornerofsocialandpoliticallife.Eachofusnowhasanopportunitytojoinwithothersandcontributetoanhistoricthirdwaveofempathythatleavesanindeliblemarkofhumanityontheworld.

THEFUTUREOFEMPATHY

FromearlyonIhavesuspectedthatsoimportant-soundingtask‘KnowThyself’isaruseofacabalofpriests.Theyaretryingtoseducemanfromactivityintheoutsideworld,todistracthimwithimpossibledemands;theyseektodrawhimintoafalseinnercontemplation.Manonlyknowshimselfinsofarasheknowstheworld.

–JohannWolfgangvonGoethe

Howtolive?Whattodo?Everyculturehasofferedschemesandsolutionsfortheartofliving.TheancientGreeksextolledthevirtuesofcourage,wisdomandtemperance.EarlyChristianityurgedbelieverstoimitatethelifeofChristinordertoachievecommunionwithGod.IntheEnlightenmentwewereadvisedtosublimateourpassionstothedictatesofreason.SincetheendoftheSecondWorldWar,thedominantmessagehasbeentopursueourpersonaldesiresandself-interest,basedontheassumptionthatweareinessenceselfishcreatures,andthatthegoodlifeliesinconsumerpleasuresandmaterialwealth.Wenowhaveanalternativewithinourgrasps:empathy.Theremaybenomore

powerfulwaytoescapetheboundaryofouregos,andtogainfreshperspectivesonhowtolive,thanbylookingatlifethroughtheeyesofothers.JustthinkhowmuchempathychangedthelivesofpeoplelikeGeorgeOrwell,HarrietBeecherStowe,OskarSchindlerandPatriciaMoore.Weneedabetterbalancebetweengazinginwardsandlookingoutwards,betweenintrospectionandoutrospection.AsGoethesaid,weshouldseektounderstandwhowearebysteppingoutsideourselvesanddiscoveringtheworld.Thefutureofempathyliesnotjustinthechoiceswemakeasindividualsto

transformourownlives.Ifweaspireforempathytofulfilitsrevolutionarypotentialasaforceforsocialchange,wemustgenerateadeepculturalshiftsothatlookingattheworldthroughotherpeople’seyesbecomesascommonaslookingbothwayswhenwecrosstheroad.Thisshiftisalreadyunderwaythankstothethirdwaveofempathyandtheactivistsbehindit.Butthereissomuchmorewecandotoexpanditsreach.Soherearethreeideasthatcanhelpigniteourcollectiveimaginationsandlaunchusintoanewempathicera.

EmpathyConversations

Thefirstwaytospreadtheempathyrevolutionisthroughconversation.Weneedtobecomeempathygardeners,seedingmillionsofshoe-swappingconversationsin

schoolrooms,boardroomsandwarrooms,inpubs,churches,kitchensandonline.Iwouldliketoseeempathyconversationcirclesspringupacrosstheglobe,similartotheconversationcirclesthatemergedineighteenth-andnineteenth-centuryEuropetospreadradicalideasaboutlibertyandequality.1Tothatend,hereisamenuofquestionsaboutthesixhabitsofhighlyempathicpeoplethatyoucantakeasastartingpointfordiscussionswithfriends,family,colleaguesandstrangers.

THESIXHABITSOFHIGHLYEMPATHICPEOPLEAmenuforconversation

Habit1:Switchonyourempathicbrain

Howdidexperiencesinyourchildhoodandyouthshapeyourcapacitytoempathise?Whatdoyouthinktipsthebalancebetweenhomoself-centricusandhomoempathicusinhumanbeings,andwhy?

Habit2:Maketheimaginativeleap

Thinkofatimewhenyoureallytriedtostepintosomebodyelse’sshoes.Whatdifferencediditmake?Whatkindsofpeopledoyouhavetroubleempathisingwith,andwhy?Howcouldyouuseempathytostartbridgingthedividebetweenyou?

Habit3:Seekexperientialadventures

Whatwouldbeyouridealholidayprojectforimmersingyourselfinthelifeofsomeonefromadifferentculturalorsocio-economicbackgroundtoyourown?Thinkofanindividualwhosepoliticalorreligiousviewsyoudisagreewith.Whatexperientialadventurecouldyougoontobetterappreciatetheirviewpoint?

Habit4:Practisethecraftofconversation

Whathasbeenthemostsurprisingandstimulatingconversationyouhaveeverhadwithastranger?

Whatisthebiggestsourceoftensionormisunderstandinginyourfamilylife?Howcouldyouinitiateaconversationtobetterunderstandthefeelingsandneedsofthoseinvolved?

Habit5:Travelinyourarmchair

Whichfilm,novelorotherartworkhasdonemosttoexpandyourempathyandaffecthowyouactintheworld?

Howisdigitalcultureaffectingyourpersonality–yourmind,characterandrelationships?Wouldadigitaldiethelporhinderyourabilitytoempathise?

Habit6:Inspirearevolution

Thinkofasocialorpoliticalcauseyoureallycareabout.Howcouldyoucallonempathytogetmore

peopletounderstanditandtakeactiononit?Whatsinglechangecouldyoumakeinyourlifetodeepenyourempathicconnectionwiththenaturalworld?

Andfinally:

Whichofthesixhabitswouldyoumostliketodevelopmoreinthefuture,andwhatfirstpracticalstepcouldyoutakeinthenext48hourstodoso?

TheEmpathyLibrary

TheGreatLibraryofAlexandria,whichwasfoundedinEgyptinthethirdcenturyBC,aspiredtobeadepositoryofallknowledgeintheancientworld.Buildinguptheglobalempathymovementrequiresanewkindoflibrarythatisperhapslesswide-rangingbutequallyambitiousinitsvision.Togetstarted,IhavecreatedanonlineEmpathyLibrary(youcanfinditatthewebsitethataccompaniesthisbook,www.romankrznaric.com/empathyrevolution),whichaimstobeadigitaltreasurehousewherepeopleshareinspiringbooks,films,appsandarticlesthatsparkempathicthinkingandaction–andtowhichyoumayaddyourowncontribution.Youcouldusethelibrarymaterialstosetupempathyfilmclubsorreadinggroups,andasasourceofideasforempathyprojectsinschools,communityorganisationsoryourworkplace.AsatasterofwhatyouwillfindintheEmpathyLibrary,hereisalistofsomeofmyownfavouriteempathyresources.

Non-fictionbooks

GeorgeOrwell,DownandOutinParisandLondon(1933)FindouthowtosurvivepennilessonthestreetsofEastLondon,andwhatyoucanlearnaboutlifeasakitchenassistantinafancyFrenchhotel.

Jean-DominiqueBauby,TheDivingBellandtheButterfly(1997)Entertheworldofamanwhoiscompletelyparalysedandcanonlycommunicatebyblinkinghislefteye.

FransdeWaal,TheAgeofEmpathy:Nature’sLessonsforaKinderSociety(2009)Oneofthemostinterestingandauthoritativebooksonthescienceofempathy,writtenbyaleadingprimatologist.

AdamHochschild,BurytheChains:TheBritishStruggletoAbolishSlavery(2006)Superbhistoryoftheriseoftheworld’sfirstempathy-poweredsocialmovement.

JohnHowardGriffin,BlackLikeMe(1960)

AwhitemandisguiseshimselfasanAfrican-AmericantodiscovertherealitiesofdailylifeintheDeepSouthofthe1950s.

Fiction

GeorgeEliot,Middlemarch(1874)Shewrotethisnovelwiththespecificintentionofinspiringherreaderswithempathyforitstroubledcharacters.Didshesucceed?

RohintonMistry,AFineBalance(1995)Getcaughtupinthelivesoffourpeoplewhosepathscriss-crossinalabyrinthofcaste,classandreligioninMumbai.

ZadieSmith,WhiteTeeth(2000)Bangladeshicurry-housewaiterandhisEnglishfriendtakeusonajourneythroughtherealitiesandcomplexitiesofmulticulturalismandimmigrationinBritain.

ChristopherWakling,WhatIDid(2012)Immerseyourselfinthemindofasix-year-oldboywhosefamilyissuckedintoaninvestigationbysocialservices.

UrsulaleGuin,VasterThanEmpiresandMoreSlow(1971)Ashortstoryaboutamansenttoanalienworldduetohissingulargift–thepowerofempathy.TryalsoLeGuin’s1973storyTheOnesWhoWalkAwayfromOmelas.

Films

AllQuietontheWesternFront(1930)Anti-warfilmfromtheperspectiveofaGermansoldierintheFirstWorldWar,basedonthenovelbyErichMariaRemarque.

Gandhi(1982)AdmireBenKingsley’sportrayaloftheempathymasterwhospentyearslivingonashramsasapoorpeasant–aswellasbeingafinepoliticaltroublemaker.

FlagsofOurFathers(2006)andLettersfromIwoJima(2006)ClintEastwooddirectedthispairoffilmsabouttheBattleforIwoJimaintheSecondWorldWar,onefromtheUSperspective,theother–inJapanese–fromtheJapaneseperspective.

Love,HateandEverythinginBetween(2012)DocumentaryontheglobalempathymovementbyAlexGabbay,featuringinterviewswithtopempathythinkerssuchasJeremyRifkinandMaryGordon.

Schindler’sList(1993)WhydidNazisympathiserOskarSchindlerbecomeoneofthegreatestHolocaustrescuers?BasedonSchindler’sArk,theBookerPrize-winningnovelbyThomasKeneally.

Websites

ParentsCircle-FamiliesForumwww.theparentscircle.comGrass-rootspeace-buildingorganisationthatbringstogetherPalestiniansandIsraeliswhohavelostfamilymembersintheconflict.

RootsofEmpathywww.rootsofempathy.orgCanadianorganisationthathaspioneeredteachingempathyinschools–usingbabies.

ReadingtheMindintheEyeswww.glennrowe.net/baroncohen/faces/eyestest.aspxOneofthebestonlineempathytests,developedbyCambridgepsychologistSimonBaron-Cohen.

StartEmpathywww.startempathy.orgMovementfoundedbytheAshokaorganisationtokick-starttheempathyrevolutionintheeducationsector.

EmpathyCafeMagazinewww.scoop.it/t/empathy-and-compassionThelatestempathynewsfromaroundtheworld,curatedbyEdwinRutsch,founderoftheCenterforBuildingaCultureofEmpathy.

TheEmpathyMuseum

Thegreatchallengeforthetwenty-firstcenturyistoexpandthethirdwaveofempathysoithasthepowertowipeouttheempathydeficitsthatplaguecontemporarysociety.EmpathyconversationsandtheEmpathyLibrarywillcertainlyhelp.Butwewillalsoneedsomethingmoredaring.Thatiswhymyambitionistofoundtheworld’sfirstEmpathyMuseum.JustasmanymajorcitiesnowhaveHolocaustMuseums,itistimethatthey

establishedEmpathyMuseumstoo.Theirpurposewouldbenothinglessthantogenerateanupsurgeofglobalempathicawarenessbycreatinganexperientialadventurespacewhereyoucanexplorehowtoviewlifefromtheperspectiveofotherpeople.Ifmuseumsmakeyouthinkofdustyexhibitsinsideglasscases,thinkagain.AnEmpathyMuseumwouldbeamind-meldingplaygroundrivallingthefinestgalleriesandtouristattractionsthatacityhastooffer.Itwillexcite

imaginationsasdidthefirstpublicmuseumsintheseventeenthcentury,whosecollectionsofcuriositiesrevealedthewondersofnatureandhumancivilisationforthefirsttime.WhatmightyoufindintheEmpathyMuseum?Itmaystartlifeasaseriesof‘pop-

up’exhibitsindifferentcities,alongwithanonlinegallerythatcanbevisitedfromanywhere.Ultimately,however,IenvisagetheEmpathyMuseumasapermanentexhibitionspace.Letmetakeyouonatourofwhatitcouldlooklike.

HumanLibrary

ParkedinthemuseumforecourtyouwillfindtheHumanLibrarybus.Onitsseatsareopen-mindedvolunteerswhoyoucan‘borrow’forconversation,justasyoumightborrowabook.TheycouldbeSikhteenagersormanagementconsultants,off-dutysoldiersormentalhealthnurses.Sitdownbesideoneofthemandgettalkingtosomebodywhoseworldyouwouldrarelygettoenterinyourdailylife.Theceilingofthebusiscoveredwithquestionstostimulateyourdiscussion,ontopicssuchaslove,belief,fearandcuriosity.

LabourBehindtheLabel

InthisroomtherearerowsofsewingmachinesandateamofformersweatshopfactoryworkersfromVietnamwhowillteachyouhowtomakeashirtundertheworkingconditionsofyourfavouritefashionlabel.Attheendyouwillbepaidtheequivalentamountthatagarmentfactoryworkerinadevelopingcountryreceivespershirt.Unfortunatelyitwillnotbenearlyenoughforacupofteainthecafé,althoughitmightpromptyoutowritetothecompanieswhoseclothesyoubuytoimprovepayandconditionsfortheirworkers.

AlltheWorld’saStage

Professionalactorswillguideyouindramaticroleplays,improvisationsandotheractingexercisestohelpyoudiscoverthesecretsofsteppingintothelifeofanotherperson.YoumaybeinvitedtotakeontheroleofafashionmodeloraBuddhistmonk,andwandertheroomtalkingtoothervisitorsinimaginaryroles,makingsureyouaskandanswerquestionsincharacter.Therearealsovideodisplayswherefamousmethodactorsdiscusstheirart,usingclipsfromtheirfilms.

StorytellingHub

Hereyoucanfindaudioandvideorecordingsofindividualsfrommanywalksoflifeandperiodsinhistorytalkingaboutmomentswhenempathy(oranabsenceofit)changedtheirlives.SubjectsincludewealthyTokyobankers,schoolteachersfromtheearlyyearsoftheCubanrevolution,andprisonersondeathrow.Therearefacilitiesforvisitorstomakerecordingsoftheirownempathyexperiences,whichwillbecomepartofapubliclyaccessiblydigitalarchive.

WaterWalk

Stepintothiscircularroomandyouwillimmediatelybestruckbythedryheatanddust.AroundthewallsarevideoprojectionsofaparchedAfricanlandscape,withwomenwalkingacrossaplainwithlarge,heavywaterjugsbalancedontheirheads.Youhearthemtalkingabouttheclimatechange-induceddroughttheyarefacing,andhowfartheyhavetowalkeachdaytofindwaterfortheirfamilies.Acircularpathwayismarkedonthefloor.Youcanseeothervisitorspickingupjugsofwaterandplacingthemontheirheads,thenwalkingincirclesaroundtheroominstepwiththeAfricanwomen(don’ttrythisathome).Someofthemaresweatingintheheatastheyholdtheirjugssteady,othersstrainingundertheweight.Areyoureadytojointhem?Canyouimaginethisbeingyourdailyroutine?

Dressing-UpBox

Comethroughthedoorandyouwillseeracksofclothesyoucandressupintoexperiencelivesyouhaveneverlived.ThereisallthegearyouneedtogoandbegforanhourattheentrancetotheEmpathyMuseum,orhelpsweepandmopthefloorsandtoilets.Putonthepopularwaiterorwaitressoutfitandyouwillhaveachancetoservethepublicbyclearingthetablesinthecafé(justwatchoutforthehecticlunchtimeslot).

HowEmpathicisYourBrain?

Thelatestneuro-imagingdevicewillrecordyourempathylevelsacrossdifferentbrainregions.Yourneuralresponseswillbetestedwhilewatchingfilmsofpeopleexperiencingbothpleasureandpain,suchashavingtheirfingertrappedinadoor.YouwillalsobeshownimagesofsufferinganimalsinfactoryfarmsandtreesbeingfelledintheAmazon,aspartonanongoingresearchprojectonhumanempathywiththenaturalworld.Attheendyouwillbepresentedwithamapshowingtheempathichotspotsofyourbrain.

OutrospectionCafé

Whenyoubuylunchfromthecafé,thecashierregistersitwithaspecialscannerandtakesyourtablenumber.Onceyousitdown,thescreenonyourtablebeginsplayingavideoshowinganinterviewwiththeworkerswhoproducedtheitemsyoujustpurchased.Ifyouboughtfairtradecoffee,theremaybeaMexicancoffeepickertalkingaboutthenewhealthclinicthathasjustopenedonthecooperativeplantationwhereheisemployed.Ifyouchosethestandardcoffee,itcouldbeaBrazilianworkerexplaininghowherwageissolowthatshecannotaffordtosendherchildrentoschool.Intheeveningsthecaféisconvertedintoa‘restaurantinthedark’.Blindwaitersandwaitresseswillpresentyouwithamealthatyoueatincompletedarkness.

TheEmpathyShoeShop

Asyouleavethemuseumatouchscreeninvitesyoutopledgeonlinetheempathicadventuresthatyouplanforthecomingweeks.Youthenenterauniqueshoeshop.Onsalearethemuseum’slineofcanvasEmpathyShoes,withquestionstostimulateempathicconversationsprintedalloverthem.Whenwearingthemoutandabout,youwillberecognisedasawalkingambassadoroftheempathyrevolution–someonewhoisdedicatedtotheartofsteppingintotheshoesofothersandseeingtheworldfromtheirperspective.

Theword‘museum’comesfromtheMusesofGreekmythology,whosejobwastoinjectadivinesparkintoeverydaylife.MyhopeisthatinthefuturethesourceofthissparkwillbeaglobalnetworkofEmpathyMuseumsthatwillreinventtheverymeaningofpubliccultureandleavetheirvisitorschangedforever.TogetherwiththeEmpathyLibrary,empathyconversations,andtheongoingworkofempathyactivistsaroundtheplanet,theywillbefuellingtherevolutionofhumanrelationshipsthatwesourgentlyneed.

NOTES

Theradicalpowerofempathy

1SeeBaron-Cohen(2011,11)andGordon(2005,30)forrelateddefinitions.2Interview25/10/12;Moore1985,160;http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xr3ibtQuf203Rifkin2010,42–43.4Hanh1987,87.5Estimatesof‘zerodegreesofempathy’typicallyrangebetween1percentand4percentofthepopulation,with2percentbeingthemostwidelyacceptedfigure.SeeBaron-Cohen(2011,29–64);Olson(2010,11);http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/myths-facts-and-statistics/statistics-how-many-people-have-autism-spectrum-disorders.aspx.

6http://www.northwestern.edu/observer/issues/2006/06/22/obama.html7Konrath,O’BrienandHsing2011;http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=what-me-care;TwengeandCampbell2009.

8http://www.oecd.org/els/socialpoliciesanddata/dividedwestandwhyinequalitykeepsrising.htm;Piffetal2012;http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=how-wealth-reduces-compassion&print=true

9Pinker2011,175.SeealsoHunt(2007).10Layard2007,20;2005,234;Covey2004,236.SeealsoBatson(2011,185–187).http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/feeling_like_partners/;http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/content/assets/PDF/publications/the_lonely_society_report.pdf;http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/empathy/definition#what_is

11Slote2007.12Interview25/10/12.13http://www.ianmcewan.com/bib/articles/love-oblivion.html14Mukherjee1993,91.15HollanandThroop2011,10–11,25–29.16Krznaric2012a.17Dworkin2012.18Singer1997,244–253.19http://nymag.com/news/features/45938/20http://new.bostonreview.net/BR24.3/schor.html21Ben-Shahar2008,125–126;http://www.thecrimson.com/article/2006/2/15/the-science-of-smiling-strongcorrection-appendedstrongbrbr845/

22Seligman2003,148.23http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/09/06/statistics-europeans-have-mental-health-issues-too/24ThisimageisavideostillfrommyRSAAnimate,ThePowerofOutrospection(Krznaric2012a).25Bloom2013.

Habit1:Switchonyourempathicbrain1http://www.gallup.com/poll/18802/gallup-panel-people-cant-trusted.aspx;BrewerandSteenbergen2002.2ThankstoAlfieKohnforthisexample(Kohn1990,3).3FriedrichvonHayekinterviewinAdamCurtis’sdocumentaryfilmTheTrap(episode1).4Galbraith1977,45.5RichardDawkinsinterviewinAdamCurtis’sdocumentaryfilmTheTrap(episode2).6Freud1962,58–59.7Smith1976,499–502.8Rifkin2010,90–92.9Allport1937,530–531.10KringelbachandPhillips2014,104–105.

11Baron-Cohen2004,1,70–1,95.12Baron-Cohen2004,200–5.Forcritiquesofstandardempathymeasures,seehttp://www.romankrznaric.com/outrospection/2010/01/30/359

13Gerhardt2010,57;Rifkin2010,69.14QuotedinRifkin(2010,70).15Gerhardt2010,66–67,170;Rifkin2010,74.16Gerhardt2010,56.17QuotedinRifkin(2010,78).18Gerhardt2010,168.19Bowlby1988,154;Gerhardt2004,195.20Kropotkin1998,53.21Interview14/11/9.22http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_evolution_of_empathy23DeWaal2010,91;http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_evolution_of_empathy24Massermanetal.1964.25http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_evolution_of_empathy26NowakandHighfield2011,xiii.27QuotedinOlson(2010,14).28http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_evolution_of_empathy29QuotedinKeysers2011,11;Rifkin2010,82.30Interview21/7/11.31Pinker2011,577.SeealsoHickok(2008).32Baron-Cohen2011,19,26–27;KringelbachandPhillips2014,106.33Jacksonetal2006.34Zak2012,63-64;KringelbachandPhillips2014,115–7.35EvenKeysers(2011,54)recognisesthegapsinourunderstanding:‘WhatwestilldonotunderstandishowascoreonaPerspectiveTakingScaleislinkedtoactivityinyourmirrorsystem.’SeealsoSingerandLamm(2009,92–3).

36Baron-Cohen2011,87,118;Klimecki,Leiberg,LammandSinger2012.37GalinskyandMoskowitz2000.38Batsonetal.1997,508;Batson1991,121–138;Batson2011,11,176;Pinker2011,586.39http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/21/can-doctors-learn-empathy/;Reissetall.2012.40Klimeckietal.2013;Leibergetal.2011.41Gordon2005,245–8;Gordon2002,242;RootsofEmpathy2008;Schonert-Reichl2008;Santosetal.2011;http://engageforeducation.org/news/roots-of-empathy-pioneering-anti-bullying-programme-offered-scotland-wide/;http://www.itv.com/news/london/story/2012-11-23/baby-tackles-bullying/;http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/taking_lessons_from_a_baby;personalcommunicationwithMaryGordon8/6/8.

42Gordon2005,xvi–xvii,6,9;Krznaric2008,24–5.43Lakoff2005,xv,3.44http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc

Habit2:Maketheimaginativeleap

1QuotedinPhillipsandTaylor(2009,97).2Clark1997,34–5.3http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/features/our-better-selves/story-e6frg8h6-12265353240614http://www.romankrznaric.com/outrospection/2010/09/12/6095Gladwell2005,61–66,84–6.6http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/1761364/Analysis-Illegals-and-the-erosion-of-empathy7Arendt1994,135.8Blass2004,102–3.9Burger2009.10Blass2004,87–9,96–9,108–111,124,307–9;Blass1999,967.11Blass2004,103.12http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onsIdBanynY;Slote2007,22.

13Smith1976,233–234.14http://www.romankrznaric.com/outrospection/2010/05/14/475.15http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2013/jan/04/barack-obama-empathy-deficit.SeealsoBloom(2013)andPrinz(2011).

16Moyn2006,400–401.17Sontag1979,20.18Cohen2001,1.19Levinas2006.20Keneally1994,35–7,52,139–147,189–190,220,277,318,339,355,372,423;21Keneally2008,17,23,25,46,118,125,153,191.

21Keneally2008,152.22OlinerandOliner1992;Monroe2004;Fogelman1994.23http://www.michaeldvd.com.au/Articles/WhoIsOskarSchindler/WhoIsOskarSchindler.html24Batson2011,178–9.25Buber1965,70–71.26Armstrong2011,139.27Smith1976,66,502.28Eisner1994,6,33.29Hedrick1994,110.30Hedrick1994,193,201,237.31Armstrong2007,xiv,390.32Fletcher1966,117.33http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2013/01/signing-off/266925/34Reynolds1995;Said2003.35Armstrong2011,103–4.36Gandhi1984.37Armstrong2011,5.38Hanh1987,62.39Batchelor1997,85–6.40Krznaric2003;Krznaric2010a.41Nagel1991,169.

Habit3:Seekexperientialadventures

1InterviewwithSophieRaworth,AndrewMarrShow,BBC,http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-21572983;McDonald2013,164–5;Stanislavski1937.

2Rousseau1963,9;Dewey1997,25;Krznaric2012b,128.3Eide2007.4Seymour-Jones1993,132,154–62;Webb1971,344–5;Webb1888.5Orwell1966,179–80,189;1962,120,130.6Griffin2009,21,28,46,51–2,61–2,159–67,179,180,185,211,216–9,226;Bonazzi1997;Terkel1982,335–9.

7Wallraff1988,2,71,76,177;Wallraff1978;Pilger2004,159.8Interview3/3/12;http://rs100aday.com/9Mandela1995,536.10http://www.dialogue-in-the-dark.com/wp-content/uploads/Wall_street_journal_intemplate.pdf;http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/19/arts/design/dialog-in-the-dark-at-south-street-seaport-exhibition-review.html?_r=2&;http://www.icubed.us/career-interviews-list/node/1809

11Anderson1997,50.12Anderson1997,65,76,78;Guevara1996,60.13http://www.marxists.org/archive/guevara/1960/08/19.htm14http://news.nationalgeographic.co.uk/news/2004/10/1014_041014_motorcycle_diaries.html15Anderson1997,96.16Anderson1997,386–8.17Anderson1997,126,135;Granado2003,xi.18http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/features/3634426/How-Nelson-Mandela-won-the-rugby-World-Cup.html

19Mandela1995,183,194.20TheMandelacasecreatedintensedebatewithintheAmnestyInternationalmovementatthetimeaboutwhethertosuspendtherulethat‘prisonersofconscience’couldnotadvocateoruseviolence.Althoughtherulewasnotsuspended,AmnestydidcampaignforMandelatobegivenafairtrial.

21Mandela1995,549,680,745.22Krznaric2011,176.23Sennett2012,6.24Solnit2010,4.25Solnit2010,188,194,206.26Solnit2010,2,8.27Krznaric2011,60–64.28http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2008/jul/13/classicalmusicandopera.israelandthepalestinians29http://jewishquarterly.org/2010/11/said-barenboim-and-the-west-east-divan-orchestra/;Zaki2012.30BarenboimandSaid2004,10;http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2008/jul/13/classicalmusicandopera.israelandthepalestinians

31Malone2012,ebooklocation2967of3241.32Malone2012,ebooklocation2992of3241.33http://www.radiotimes.com/news/2012-09-20/gareth-malone-on-the-choir-sing-while-you-work-military-wives-and-getting-competitive

34CrouchandWard1988,94–109.35Sennett1999,136–140.36Kropotkin1998,184,217–8;http://libcom.org/library/anarchy-milton-keynes-music-colin-ward37Armstrong2011,147.

Habit4:Practisethecraftofconversation

1Gatenby2004;Tannen1999,211.2ZeldinandKrznaric2004,1.3Rowson2012,35;Warner2013,2,4;Zeldin1995,191.4Zeldin1995,198–202.5Rowson2012,3.6Sennett2012,23.7Diamond2012,49–50.8Krznaric2011,45–6.9Parker1996,5.10Dibb1985/6.11Parker1996,21,126.12Dibb1985/6.13Parker1996,21,164–6.14Parker1996,166.15Parker1996,52.16Cain2013,13;137–8.17Krznaric,WhalenandZeldin2006xvii-xviii;http://www.oxfordmuse.com/?q=portrait-of-oxford-project#oxford-unmasked

18Covey2004,237–8.19Rosenberg2003,2.20Rosenberg2003,91,127.21Rosenberg2003,54.22Rosenberg2003,13–14.23Obama2007,66–8.24Rosenberg2003,96–100.25FaberandMazlish2013,Chapter1.26Hoffman2000,197–205.27Anonymoustestimony.28Baron-Cohen2011,13,18;seealsoSingerandLamm(2009),andKlimecki,Leiberg,LammandSinger(2012).

29Personalcommunications,18/2/13,10/7/13.30Zeldin2003.31InterviewwithBrenéBrown,London,3/10/12;http://www.romankrznaric.com/outrospection/2012/10/16/1729.

32Brown2012,34–37.33James2013,3–4.34Brown2012,185–6.35Rosenberg2003,40.36Patnaik2009;Goleman1999.37Drayton2006,6;http://empathy.ashoka.org/rationale.38Brown2012,74–5.39Borg2010,8.40http://www.psandman.com/col/empathy2.htm41http://www.empathytraining.co.uk/pages/emp_training_courses.html;http://abbykerr.com/empathy-marketing/42Olson2013,61.43SeealsoEwan(1996,3–4,159–73).44QuotedinOlson(2013,62);http://tobaccocontrol.bmj.com/content/3/3/270.full.pdf45QuotedinSchlosser2002,41.46Olson2013,54.47Patnaik2009,166–70.48Zeldin1998,14.49Mehl,Vazire,HolleranandClark2010.50http://theforgivenessproject.com/stories/jo-berry-pat-magee-england/51Rosenberg2003,103–4,129–140;Neff2003,90;NiezinkandRutsch2013.52Neff2003,85;seealsoArmstrong2011,67–81.53Krznaric2011,10–11.

Habit5:Travelinyourarmchair

1http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2012/jun/29/my-life-as-bibliophile-julian-barnes2Pinker2011,589;Keen2007.3http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2006/oct/19/death-at-marathon/?pagination=false;Mendelsohn2006.

4Armstrong2011,87–8.5http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=67813576Terkel2007,7;Kelly1998,158–161.7Kelly1998,2,160;Terkel2007,7.8Kelly1998,122–3.9Olson2013,6–10,92.10Olson2013,90-92;http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2010/mar/25/the-wizard/?pagination=false11Bennett2005,36.12FreedbergandGallese2007,202.13http://query.nytimes.com/mem/archive-free/pdf?res=9D00E5DF133AE733A25754C2A9679D946597D6CF14Freedman1994,72.15Trachtenberg1989,203,205.16Freedman1994,93,dustjackettext;http://www.archives.gov/education/lessons/hine-photos/.17Linfield2010,7,127–32.18Sontag1979,20–21.19Olson2013,86.20Olson2013,90.21Linfield2010,22,39.22Keen2007,37–8.23http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~jfec/ge/eliot.html;Keen2010,54.24Oatley2011,63;Nussbaum1995,xvi,10,66;Pinker2011,175–6.25Keen2007,vii,xx,53,55,70–74,102,131,140.26Keen2007,52.

27http://www.romankrznaric.com/outrospection/2011/10/13/82128ElderkinandBerthoud2013.29http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-2246436830Rifkin2010,472,580.31http://www.coffeetrust.org/category/ask-a-coffee-farmer32Turkle2011,225.33Aboujaoude2012,106–8.34http://www.polygon.com/2013/5/9/4313246/gamings-new-frontier-cancer-depression-suicide35BelmanandFlanagan2010,12;http://www.changemakers.com/competition/entrepreneuring-peace/entries/peacemaker-video-game-promote-peace

36Lanier2011,36.37Lanier2011,16,48.38Smith2010.39Chatfield2012,42.40Aboujaoude2012,21,45.41Chatfield2012,39.42Aboujaoude2012,21,40,107–8.43http://www.pewinternet.org/Media-Mentions/2007/Do-You-Use-Google-For-Vanity-Searching-Youre-Not-Alone.aspx

44Aboujaoude2012,68–74;http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S019188691100533245http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jan/03/how-the-revolution-went-viral46RifkinquotedinGabbay(2012).47Chatfield2013,134.

Habit6:Inspirearevolution

1Holman1995,72.2Taylor1967,455.3Titmuss1950,393.4Isaacs1941,9.5Titmuss1950,388;Holman1995,97.6BarnettHouseStudyGroup1947,107.7TheEconomist,1May,1943,545;Titmuss1950,516.8Women’sGrouponPublicWelfare1944,xiii.9QuotedinHolman(1995,140).10Holman1995,128–135;Titmuss1950,510–516.11Taylor1967,455,503.12Krznaric2007.13Rifkin2010,10;RifkinquotedinGabbay(2012);Pinker2011,572,590.14Pinker2011,129–133;415–6.15PhillipsandTaylor2009,27.16Pinker2011,133.17Pinker2011,143.18Hunt2007,32,38–9,40,80.SeealsoKnott(2009).19Zeldin1995,330.20Woolman1800,179;Krznaric2011,140–1.21Hochschild2006,5,78,118,155,197–8,222,366.22Journal30thNovember,1808,quotedinSkidmore(2005,80).23Zeldin1995,330–1.24Rifkin2010,26.25Clark1997,41,84,111–115.26Bloom2013.27Taylor2010,16.28Krznaric2008.29http://www.theparentscircle.org/Story.aspx?ID=415;http://adage.com/article/goodworks/blood-relations-uniting-israelis-palestinians/229960/;http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/6948034.stm;

http://www.theparentscircle.org/MediaPage.aspx?ID=35730http://www.labenevolencija.org/2010/12/the-task-of-la-benevolencija-in-rwanda/31http://www.ipcc.ch/;http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2013/may/09/some-like-it-hot/;http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/blog/2013/may/30/carbon-milestone-newspapers;http://arxiv.org/abs/0804.1126;Krznaric2011,219.

32Krznaric2010b,153–4.33Krznaric2010c,130.34http://www.hardrainproject.com35Krznaric2010b.36http://www.oxfam.org.uk/education/resources/climate_chaos/day_two/files/afternoon3_from_my_grandchild.pdf

37http://www.childreninachangingclimate.org/home.htm38Krznaric2011,219,223.39Rifkin2010,42.40KellertandWilson1993;Schultz2000.41Fossey1985,206;Coetzee1999,114;http://www.vanityfair.com/society/features/1986/09/fatal-obsession-198609

42Bourke2011,68,174–5.43http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=do-plants-think-daniel-chamovitz&page=344Louv2005;Krznaric2011,216–7.45Wilson1984,1;Barbiero2011,13.46Haviland-Jonesetal2005.47http://www.romankrznaric.com/outrospection/2010/04/10/42248http://chewychunks.wordpress.com/2013/01/09/empathy-replaces-sympathy-rsa-animate/

Thefutureofempathy

1Thefirstcircleshavealreadyformed:http://www.lidewijniezink.com/projects

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INDEX

Thepagereferencesinthisindexcorrespondtotheprintededitionfromwhichthisebookwascreated.Tofindaspecificwordorphrasefromtheindex,pleaseusethesearchfeatureofyourebookreader.

9/11attacks93

AFineBalance(Mistry,1995)155,208Aboujaoude,Elias161–2Aeschylus136–8affectiveempathy9,11–13African-Americanscivilrightsmovement94–5,183segregationanddiscrimination77–8

AfricanNationalCongress(ANC)87–8AgeofIntrospectionxxiii–xxviii,170AgeofOutrospectionxxiii–xxviii,170AgeofReason185Ainsworth,Mary15AllQuietontheWesternFront(Remarque,1929)153AllQuietontheWesternFront(1930film)139–42,143,208Ambientapp157–8AmericanTobaccoCompany124–5AmericansWithDisabilitiesAct(1990)xiiAmnestyInternational88,184amygdala24–5Anarchism98AncientGreece109,136–8,203Anderson,JonLee84animalempathy196–7animalrights170animalspecies,evidenceofcooperationandempathy16–21anti-Semitism48,51,77seealsoHolocaust;Jews,persecutionofApartheidinSouthAfrica87,149–50ArabSpring163–4Arendt,Hannah40

Aristotle134,138,169armchairempathy135–67ekstasis166–7empathicimages143–50empathyconversations205film138–43onlineculture155–65theatre136–8

Armstrong,Karen53,138artandempathy135–6empathicimages143–50empathyconversations205film138–43theatre136–8

Ashokaorganisation83,122,209Asiantsunami(2004)184Aspergersyndromexviasylumseekers39AttachmentTheory14–16Atwater,Ann94–5AustralianAboriginalpeoples60,142AustralianRefugeeCouncil39authority,barriertoempathy40–3,47autismspectrumdisordersxviautogoogling163Avatar(film)142–3AxialAge(800–300BC)59Ayres,Lew141

Baldwin,James183BanabanpeopleofFijixxiBarenboim,Daniel95–6Barnes,Julian135Baron-Cohen,Simonxvi,12–13,24,209barrierstoempathy35–47authority40–3,47denial46–7distance43–5,47I–Itrelationship52,183prejudice36–9,47

Batchelor,Stephen64

Batson,C.Daniel28Bauby,Jean-Dominique207BeecherStowe,Harriet56–9,68Beheri,Annapurna192BeingJohnMalkovich(film)166Bennett,Jill144Ben-Shahar,Talxxvi–xxviiBernays,Edward124–5Berry,Jo129–31Berthoud,Ella154Biafranfamine147,184bibliotherapy154–5bioempathy195–200biophiliainhumans197–8BlackLikeMe(Griffin,1960)78,207Blink:ThePowerofThinkingWithoutThinking(Gladwell)38Bloom,Paul185–6BoerWar61bonobos17,18,196Booth,Charles74Borg,James123Bowlby,John14–16,17brainseeempathicbrainBrazil,goldmineworkers150Brown,Brené119–20,121,122Brown,Christy71Buber,Martin51–2,83,183Buddhism29–30,53,59,63,64,133BuildingBridgesforPeace130bullying31,187–8cyberbullying162

burnout,empathicoverarousal116–17BurytheChains:TheBritishStruggletoAbolishSlavery(Hochschild,2006)207BushAdministration148businesslackofempathyintheworkplace120–2showingvulnerability120–2

Cain,Susan108Cameron,James142–3capitalism20

capuchinmonkeys18–19Carnegie,Dale102Castro,Fidel83CatholicchurchxviiiCenterforBuildingaCultureofEmpathy209Chamberlain,Neville173charactergames53–4charities,factorsinfluencingsupportfor184–5CharterforCompassion63chatrooms136Chatroulette(chatwebsite)157Cherian,Matthew81–2childdevelopmentconsequencesofemotionaldeprivation13–16importanceofhumanaffection13–16

childlabour144–6childpsychologyconsequencesofemotionaldeprivation13–16empathyinyoungchildrenxiii–xiv,9–11

childwelfarepolicies,influenceofwartimeevacuations171–5ChildreninaChangingClimate194childrenevacuationinwartime171–5expressionofcuriosity104–5teachingempathyto30–2

chimpanzees17–18,196choirs,experientialempathydevelopment96–8Christianity59,63,203paintingsofthecrucifixion143–4

civilrightsmovement,UnitedStates94–5,183CivilizationanditsDiscontents(Freud,1930)6climatecrisis,challengeforempathy191–5ClimateStreetBanquetsproposal194cognitiveempathy9–13Cohen,Stanley46collectiveempathyxv,169–201ageofneuroscience186–95climatecrisischallenge191–5conditionsforcreatingmassempathy184–5cross-speciesempathy195–200

empathyconversations205evacuationofchildreninwartime171–5firstwave(eighteenthcentury)175–82humanrightsexpansionaftertheSecondWorldWar182–6humanitarianismintheeighteenthcentury175–82humansassocialanimals169–70legacyforfuturegenerations192–5meetingsofstrangersinhistory170–5prospectsforbioempathy195–200relevanceinthepresentday169–70secondwave(post-WorldWarII)182–6thirdwave(sincethe1990s)186–95,200–1transformativeeffects200–1

colonialism38–9compassion,distinctionfromempathy12compassionfatigueconcept46compassiontraining29–30Confucianism44,59,63conversation101–34andempathy101–2andempathywithyourself132–4asacraft102–3barrierstoempathicconversation112concernfortheother122–7creativeandsubstantive127–9curiosityaboutstrangers103–11empathyconversations205lackofqualityconversation101–2needforsheercourage129–31practisingthecraftofxvqualitiesofhighlyempathicpeople102radicallistening112–17removingyouremotionalmask118–22

ConversationMeals109–11,194ConversationMenu109–11Cook,Thomas90cooperationandexperientiallearning92–9inanimalspecies16–21

courageousconversation129–31

Covey,Stephenxx,112creativeandsubstantiveconversations127–9Crick,Francis127–8cross-speciesempathy195–200Crusadesxixcuriosityaboutstrangers103–11Curtis,Adam125cyberbullying162

daVinci,Leonardo73Darwin,Charles2,5,7,8,33,175Dawkins,Richard5Day-Lewis,Daniel71–2deWaal,Frans17–20,207debtbondage150denial,barriertoempathy46–7Dewey,John73DialogueintheDarkx,82–3Diamond,Jared104Dickens,Charles150,151digitaltechnologiesempathicimpact155–65empathyconversations205possibilitiesforarmchairempathy136

Dionysianekstasis138,139Dionysus,festivalof137–8directimmersion,experientiallearning71–83disabilitydiscrimination184empathicexperimentsofPatriciaMoorex–xiiiinclusivedesignxii

disasters,humanresponseto93–4distance,effectonempathy43–5,47doctors,empathytraining28–9Dolci,Danilo105Donne,Johnxxiidopamine25DownandOutinParisandLondon(Orwell,1933)76,207Drayton,Bill122Dworkin,RonaldW.xxivDylan,Bob193

e-identity161–3,165e-personalities136,161–3,165Eastwood,Clint138–9,208economics,free-marketideology4–5,20Ecstasy(drug)56egosurfing163Ehrenreich,Barbara81Eichmann,Adolf40Einfühlung(rootoftheword‘empathy’)8–9ekstasis138,139,166–7Elderkin,Susan154Eliot,George(MaryAnneEvans)150–1,152,207Ellis,ClaibornePaul94–5emotionaldevelopment,influenceofchildhoodrelationships13–16emotionalmask,removing118–22empathicactivism,Quakers179–82empathicbrainempathycircuit24–6empathyconversations205evidencefromneuroscience21–6expandingempathiccapabilities26–34humancapacityforempathy2–7neuralplasticityofthebrain27re-framingyourmind32–4roleoftheamygdala24–5significanceofmirrorneurons21–4,26switchingonxv,1–34

empathiccapabilities,potentialtoexpandxiv–xvii,26–34empathiccollapse,consequencesofxixempathicflowering,historicalexamplesxixempathicimages,politicalpowerof143–50empathicjourneying,experientiallearning83–92empathicoverarousal116–17empathicself,discoveryofxiii–xviiempathicsideofhumannature,recognitionof7–16empathisingwiththeenemy61–7empathyacrossspace191–5alternativeperspectiveonhowtolive203–4andhumannaturexiii–xvii

andqualityofindividuallivesxix–xxiiandtheGoldenRulex,23asameanstomanipulatepeople11asperspective-taking9–13assharedemotionalresponse9,11–13challengesassociatedwithxxviii–xxxdistinctionfromcompassion12distinctionfromsympathyx,11earlymeanings8–9influenceofchildhoodrelationships13–16meaningsofx,8–13originoftheword8–9presentdaymeanings9–13throughtime192–5typesof9–13withyourself132–4

empathyapp,searchfor156–65EmpathyCafeMagazine209EmpathyConversations204–6empathydeficiteffectsonsocietyandindividualsxix–xxiievidenceofxviii–xixincreaseinnarcissismxviiiObamacampaignthemexvii–xviii

empathyfatigue46,143EmpathyFilmClub143EmpathyLibrary155,166,206–9fiction207–8films208–9non-fictionbooks207websitefor206websites209

empathymarketing123–7EmpathyMuseum210–14AlltheWorld’saStage211Dressing-upBox212EmpathyShoeShop213HowEmpathicisYourBrain?212–13HumanLibrary210–11LabourBehindtheLabel211

OutrospectionCafé213StorytellingHub211–12WaterWalk212

EncounterGroupsxxvenemies,empathisingwith61–7EnglishCivilWar4Enlightenmentideology103,176environmentaldestruction195ErhardSeminarsTraining(est)xxvethnicminorities184evacuationofchildreninwartime171–5Evans,MaryAnneseeEliot,GeorgeEvans,Walker146–7evolutionarybiology,evolutionofempathyandcooperationxiiiexperiencesincommon,creatingempathicbonds55–61experientialadventuresxvempathyconversations205

experientiallearning71–99directimmersion71–83exploration(empathicjourneying)82–93importancefordevelopingempathy72,99methodacting71–2socialcooperation92–9

exploration,experientiallearning83–92

FabianSociety75Facebookxviii,159,160–4feministmovement181seealsowomen’smovementfilm,empathicimpact138–43Finland104,187FlagsofOurFathers(2006film)138–9,208Flickr163floodvictims192,193Fossey,Dian18,196Fox,George179France,DeclarationoftheRightsofMan(1789)179freemarketideology4–5,20Freedman,Russell146Freud,Sigmundxiii,xxiii,xxiv,6–7,14,33,124Fry,Elisabeth180–1futuregenerations,empathythroughtime192–5

futureofempathy203–14alternativeperspectiveonhowtolive203–4EmpathyConversations204–6EmpathyLibrary206–9EmpathyMuseum210–14generatingaculturalshift203–4

Gabbay,Alex209Gaia170Galbraith,JohnKenneth5Galinsky,Adam27Gandhi(1982film)208Gandhi,Mahatmaxxi,61–3,68,87Gandhi’sTalismanxxigayrightsmovement184–5Gemmell,Nikki37–8genderandempathicability12–13Gerhardt,Sue15Gladwell,Malcolm38globalempathicconsciousness196–200globalhumanpopulation195globalwarming,challengeforempathy191–5Goebbels,Joseph142Goethe,JohannWolfgangvon203Goldblatt,David149–50GoldenRulex,23,59–60,181Google163Gordon,Mary30–2,209gorillas18,196Granado,Alberto84–5GrandTheftAuto:ViceCity(videogame)158Greektragedy136–8Griffin,JohnHoward77–8,183,207Grünewald,Matthias144GuatemalaCIA-backedmilitarycoup(1954)86livesoftheMayanpeoplexxix,65–6,90–1oligarchy65–7

Guevara,Ernesto‘Che’83–7,88,89,90Gypsies(Roma)persecutionof39,51,184

habitsofhighlyempathicpeoplexiii–xviiHabit11–34,205Habit235–69,205Habit371–99,205Habit4101–34,205Habit5135–67,206Habit6169–201,206

Haldane,J.B.S.45Hanh,ThichNhat64HardRainProjectexhibition193Hayek,Friedrichvon5hedgehogs,empathisingwith199–200Heinecke,Andreas82–3highlyempathicpeopleseehabitsofhighlyempathicpeopleHinduism59,62–3Hine,Lewis144–6,149Hiroshima,atomicbomb(August1945)44Hitler,Adolf142Hobbes,Thomasxiii,4,6–7,21,33Hochschild,Adam180,207Holocaustxix,40,176,209OskarSchindler48–52seealsoanti-Semitism;Jews,persecutionof

homoempathicusxiii–xv,xxii,2,32,61,136,142,152,170discoveryof7–16evidencefromneuroscience21–6evidenceinhumannature17–20

homoself-centricus2,7,32,165,170homosocioempathicus184Honigsbaum,Mark45Hopkins,Thurston37HumanLibrarymovement108–9humannaturedefinedbyself-interest3–7evidenceforhomoempathicus17–20negativeportrayalsof3–7recognitionoftheempathicsidexiii–xvii,2–16selfishandaggressiveaspect3–7

HumanOxytocinMediatedEmpathy(HOME)circuit25–6humanrelationships,empathicrevolutionix–xiii

humanrights170expansionaftertheSecondWorldWar182–6

humanisingthe‘Other ’47–55humanitarianaid181humanitarianismintheeighteenthcentury175–82organisations183–4

Humboldt,Alexandervon103Hume,David8Hunt,Lynne178–9HurricaneKatrina93

I–Itrelationship(Buber)52,183I–Thourelationship(Buber)52,183imagery,empathicpowerof144–50imaginativeleapintootherlivesxv,35–69empathyconversations205

immersion,experientiallearning71–83inclusivedesignxiiIndia,floodvictims192,193InternationalBaccalaureate(IB)PrimaryYearsProgramme188internet,possibilitiesforarmchairempathy136introspectionAgeofxxiii–xxviii,170balancewithoutrospectionxxiii–xxviii

Islam62–3,99Israelis,peace-buildingwithPalestinians188–9,209

James,Oliver120–1Jews,persecutionof39,77,184seealsoanti-Semitism;HolocaustJudaism59,63

Keen,Suzanne152Kelly,Andrew141Keneally,Thomas49–50,209Keysers,Christian22–3King,MartinLuther,Jr.78,183Kingsley,Ben208Kony2012(film)164Kroc,Ray126Kropotkin,Peter16,19,98

Kruger,BarbaraxxviKuKluxKlan78,94–5,106

Lakoff,George32Lange,Dorothea146–7Lanier,Jaron159–60Layard,Richardxix–xxLeGuin,Ursula155,208Lessing,Doris153LettersfromIwoJima(2006film)139,208Leviathan(Hobbes,1651)4Lincoln,Abraham57Linfield,Susie149Lipps,Theodor9listeningempathicallyxv,112–17literacy,spreadof178–9literature,empathicimpact150–5LondonSchoolofEconomics75London,Jack75–6LongWalktoFreedom(Mandela,1994)88Love,HateandEverythinginBetween(2012documentary)209

macaquemonkeys21Magee,Pat130–1Malone,Gareth96–7Mandela,Nelson82,87–9,150Mannheim,Karl2marketing,useofempathiccommunication123–7Marx,Karl175Mason,Paul163massempathiccollapse176Masserman,Jules19MayanpeopleinGuatemalaxxix,65–7,90–1McCarthy,Cormac155McCullin,Don147McDonald’sCorporation126McEwan,IanxxiMeDecadeofthe1970sxxv–xxvi,165MédecinsSansFrontières184meditationretreatsxxvmentalframes,re-framingyourmind32–4

Meredith,Jenna193Merrick,John142methodacting71–2Middlemarch(Eliot,1874)152,207Milgram,Stanley40–3mirrorneurons21–4,26,144Mistry,Rohinton155,208Moore,Patriciax–xiii,xx,126–7Moskowitz,Gordon27MuhammadAli186Muslims,discriminationagainst51MutualAid:AFactorofEvolution(Kropotkin,1902)16MyLeftFoot(1989film)71

Nachtwey,James149Nagel,Thomas68–9narcissismxviii,xxv,120,136e-personality162–3,165

narcissurfing163NationalHealthService,establishmentof174NativeAmericansxxi,179–80,192NaziGermany39,40,48–52,77,96,141–2,209Neff,Kristin133neuromarketing123–4neuroscienceageof186–95empathycircuitinthebrainxiiievidencefortheempathicbrain21–6

NewStatesman75Newton,Isaac103Non-ViolentCommunication(NVC)112–16NurembergTrials32Nussbaum,Martha151,152

Oatley,Keith151Obama,Barackxvii–xviii,114OccupyMovementix,163–4,200–1OliverTwist(Dickens)150,152Olson,Gary123–4,125,142,149onlineculture,empathicimpact155–65onlineempathytests209

Orwell,George57,76–7,87,207other,concernfor122–7otherlives,makingtheimaginativeleapxv,35–69,205outrospectionAgeofxxiii–xxviii,170andempathyxxiii–xxvbalancewithintrospectionxxiii–xxviii

Oxfam81,183–4,194TheOxfordMuse109–10,194oxytocin25–6

PacificIslandpeoplesxxipaintings,powerofempathicimages143–4Palestinians113–14peace-buildingwithIsraelis188–9,209

ParentsCircleinitiatives(IsraelandPalestine)188–9,209PeaceMaker(videogame)158–9Peress,Gilles149Perry,Philippa117perspective-takingconceptofempathy9–13influenceonempathy27–8

perspectives,discoveringsharedanddifferentaspects55–61philautia(self-love)133–4PhilipMorris125photography,powerofempathicimages144–50Piaget,Jean9–10,17Pinker,Stevenxix,24,135,151,152,175–6,177–8plantliferights170PlatinumRule59–61Plutarch103PoorLaws174prejudice,barriertoempathy36–9,47prisonreform180–1protestmovements,useofsocialmedia163–4psychoanalysis/psychotherapyxxiii–xxvpsychology,attentiontotheconceptofempathy8–11psychopathy120–1

Quakers(SocietyofFriends)179–82,184

radicallisteningxv,112–17Ramachandran,Vilayanur22Rand,Aynxxviireadingrevolution,influenceof178–9Reaganomics5reasonandempathy185–6religiousminorities184Remarque,ErichMaria139,142,208rhesusmonkeys19Ricard,Matthieu29Rifkin,Jeremy156,163–4,175–6,182,196,209Rizzolatti,Giacomo21–2Rogers,Carl112RomapeopleseeGypsiesRootsofEmpathyprogrammeix–x,30–2,187,209Rosenberg,Marshall112–16,121Rousseau,Jean-Jacques73Rutsch,Edwin209Rwandagenocidexix,176radiosoappeaceinitiativeix,189–90

Said,Edward95StAugustine103StFrancisofAssisi73Salgado,Sebastião149–50Schindler,Oskar48–52,68Schindler’sArk(Keneally,1982)49,209Schindler’sList(1993film)50,142,209Schnabel,Julian142TheSchoolofLife,London111,120,154–5ScottishEnlightenment4SecondWorldWar,post-warexpansionofrights182–6self-empathy132–4self-interestfree-marketideology4–5humannaturedefinedby3–7usingempathytomanipulatepeople11

self-love(philautia)133–4selfishgenemetaphor(Dawkins)5Seligman,Martinxxvi,xxvii

Sennett,Richard92–3,98,104serotonin25sharedemotionalresponse,conceptofempathy9,11–13sharedexperiences,creatingempathicbonds55–61Shaw,GeorgeBernardxSinger,Peterxxiv–xxv,43Skype156slavery177abolitionists180

Smith,Adamxiii,4–5,7–8,18,33ondistanceandmoralconcern43–4onempathising55–6

Smith,Peter137Smith,WilfredCantwell99Smith,Zadie152,153,160,208SocialandEmotionalAspectsofLearning(SEAL)programme187–8socialcooperation,experientiallearning92–8socialDarwinism74socialdistance,effectonempathy44–5socialmediaempathicimpact155–8,159–65possibilitiesforarmchairempathy136

society,implicationsofhumancapacityforempathy19–20SocietyofFriendsseeQuakersSocratesxxvii–xxviii,127,165Solnit,Rebecca93–4Sontag,Susan46,147SouthAfrica,Apartheid87,149–50SpanishCivilWar87Spencer,Herbert5,74Spitz,René13–14Sroufe,Alan15Stanislavski,Constantin71StarTrek,Vulcanmind-meld1–2StatesofDenial(Cohen)46Steinbeck,John152stereotyping36–9,77–8Stern,Itzhak49–50,51strangers,curiosityaboutxv,103–11sweatshops74–5

childlabour144–6sympathy,distinctionfromempathyx,11

Taylor,A.J.P.171–2,174Taylor,Matthew185television,influenceonpublicempathy184temporaldistance,effectonempathy45Terkel,Studs105–8,112,139ThatDragon,Cancer(videogame)158Thatcherism5TheAgeofEmpathy:Nature’sLessonsforaKinderSociety(deWaal,2009)207TheAgeofStupid(2009film)193–4TheChoir(BBCtelevisionseries)96–8TheDescentofMan(Darwin,1871)8TheDivingBellandtheButterfly(Bauby,1997)207TheDivingBellandtheButterfly(2007film)142TheElephantMan(1980film)142TheGoldenNotebook(Lessing,1962)153TheLeftHandofDarkness(LeGuin,1969)155TheOnesWhoWalkAwayfromOmelas(LeGuin,1973)208TheOriginofSpecies(Darwin,1859)5ThePersians(Aeschylus,472BC)136–8TheRoad(McCarthy,2006)155TheTheoryofMoralSentiments(Smith,1759)7–8,55–6TheWealthofNations(Smith,1776)4–5,7theatre,empathicimpact136–8theoryofmindseecognitiveempathy;perspective-takingtherapyculturexxiii–xxvTitchener,Edward9Titmuss,Richard172ToKillaMockingBird(Lee,1960)153Toynbee,Polly81Trachtenberg,Alan146transportintootherminds,resourcestohelpxvTurkishimmigrantsinGermany79–81Turkle,Sherry157Tutu,DesmondxxiiTwitter43,159,161,163

Ubuntuhumanistphilosophyxxi–xxiiUncleTom’sCabin(BeecherStowe,1852)57–9,152

universaldesignxiiuniversalism185Ut,Nick147

Vashisht,Tushar81–2VasterThanEmpiresandMoreSlow(LeGuin,1971)208videogames136,158–9VietnamWar147,184Vilas,Carlos85–6

Wakling,Christopher153–4,208Wallenberg,Raoul51Walraff,Günther79–81Warwick,Hugh199–200Watson,Don39Watson,James127–8Webb,Beatrice74–5Webb,Sidney75welfarestate,foundingof173–4West-EasternDivanOrchestra95–6WhatIDid(Wakling,2012)153–4,208WhiteTeeth(Smith,2000)153,208Wieseltier,Natalia188–9Wilson,EdwardO.198Winnicott,Donald35Wolfe,Tonxxvwomen’smovement153,181,184Woolman,John179–80workplacelackofempathyin120–2showingvulnerability120–2

Wright,Robert59–61

Yfrog163yogacirclesxxvYouTube163Yugoslavia,atrocitiesinthe1990s176

Zak,Paul25–6Zeldin,Theodore101,109,118,128,179Zuckerberg,Mark160

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

OneofthereasonsIleftacademiaoveradecadeagowassoIcouldpursuemystudiesofempathy,atopicthatdidnotseemtofitneatlywithinanytraditionaldisciplinaryboundaries,andthatrequiredexplorationfarbeyondtherealmofuniversitylibraries.Thisbookistheculminationofmyresearchandthinking.OvertheyearsIhavereceivedenormoussupportfromavarietyofpeople,

includingscholars,activists,friendsandfamily.AmongstthosewhomIwouldespeciallyliketothankare:AbiStephenson,AdamSwift,AndrewPark,AnnaKrznaric,BillDrayton,BillMcKibben,BrenéBrown,ChristianKeysers,ChristopherWakling,DanielCrewe,DarrenJames,EdwinRutsch,FransdeWaal,GeorgeMarshall,HughWarwick,JeanKnox,JennyRaworth,JoeyKatona,LinaNahhas,MaryGordon,MatthewCherian,MikeDibb,PatriciaMoore,PeterHolmesàCourt,PeterKrznaric,PieterSerneels,RichardRaworth,RyanGreen,SarahStuart-Brown,SueWeaver,TheodoreZeldin,andTusharVashisht.Averyspecialthankstomycrackteamofinterdisciplinaryreaderswho

commentedonthemanuscript:DarwinFranks,John-PaulFlintoff,KonstantinDierks,LisaGormley,MortenKringelbach,PhilippaPerry,QuentinSpender,SarahKnott,SophieHowarth,SueGerhardt,andTomChatfield.Ihavealsobenefitedhugelyfromtheideas,questionsandcritiquesofpeoplewhohaveattendedmytalksandworkshopsonempathyatTheSchoolofLife,literaryandmusicfestivals,philosophyclubs,internationaldevelopmentagencies,schools,businesses,churchesandcommunitygroups.JudithKendraatRiderBookshasbeenawonderful,wiseandsupportiveeditor.

ThanksalsotoAliceLatham,AmeliaEvans,CatherineKnight,SueLascelles,ShonaAbhyankar,AlexCooper,HelenPisanoandothersintheRiderteamforalltheirhelp,aswellasTwoAssociatesforthecoverdesign.Myagent,MaggieHanbury,hasbeenamazingasalwaysandhasreallyunderstoodhowimportantthisbookistome.HenrydeRougemontandHarrietPolandattheHanburyAgencyalsodeservespecialthanksforbringingthisbooktolife.Ifeelluckytolivewiththreepeoplewhohavedonesomuchtoinspirenotjust

mythinkingaboutempathy,butmyattemptstoputtheideasIwriteaboutintopracticeineverydaylife:mypartner,KateRaworth,andourchildrenSiriandCasimir.

Theauthorandpublisherwouldliketothankthefollowingforpermissiontoincludecopyrightmaterial:

PICTURECREDITS:p.xi‘PatriciaMoore(youngandold)’withkindpermissionfromPatriciaMoore;p.xxviii‘SocratesinThePowerofOutrospection’©2012,CogntiveMediaLimited;p.10‘Child’sEyeViewExhibition’byPaulRitterandJeanRitter,withkindpermissionfromJeanRitter;p.23‘SpideronShoulder ’©ElizabethBest/Alamy;p.31‘RootsofEmpathy’©RootsofEmpathy;p.36‘MinerEmrysJones’©Hulton-DeutschCollection/CORBIS;p.58‘HarrietBeecherStowe’ssonCharley’©TheSchlesingerLibrary,RadcliffeInstitute,HarvardUniversity;p.80‘GüntherWallraffcleaningtoilets’©ANPFoto;p.85‘CheGuevaraandLuisGranado,1952’,MuseoCheGuevara(CentrodeEstudiosCheGuevaraenLaHabana,Cuba)/WikimediaCommons/PublicDomain;p.92‘EmpathyEscapes,thenextrevolutioninholidaytravel’withkindpermissionfromKateRaworth;p.108‘StudsTerkelonstreet’©SteveKagan/Time&LifePictures/GettyImages;p.110‘ConversationMeal,OxfordMuse’withkindpermissionfromKateRaworth;p.131‘JoBerryandPatMagee’withkindpermissionfromBrianMoodyandTheForgivenessProject;p.140‘Paulinthetrench,comfortingdyingsoldier ’©Bettmann/CORBIS;p.145‘LittleSpinner ’byLewisHine(1908)withkindpermissionfromtheLibraryofCongress;p.150‘PeaceMakerscreenshot’©ImpactGamesLLC;p.171‘ChildrenwaitingtoevacuateSouthampton’©Hulton-DeutschCollection/CORBIS;p.177‘Simpsonontherack’©MaryEvansPictureLibrary;p.190‘MusekeweyaRwandanRadioSoap’©AnoekSteketee.

TEXTCREDITS:TheAtlanticmagazineformaterialfromSigningoffbyRobertWright(TheAtlantic,2013);CanongateBooksformaterialfromTheAudacityofHope:ThoughtsonReclaimingtheAmericanDreambyBarackObama(Canongate,2007);AdamCurtisandtheBBCformaterialfromTheCenturyoftheSelf;BillDraytonformaterialfrom‘EveryoneaChangemaker:SocialEntreneurship’sUltimateGoal’byBillDraytoninInnovations(MITPress,2006);DundurnPressLimitedformaterialfromRootsofEmpathy:ChangingtheWorld,ChildbyChildbyMaryGordon(ThomasAllenPublishers).Copyright©2005,MaryGordon;TheForgivenessProjectformaterialfromTheForgivenessProject;NikkiGemmellformaterialfrom‘OurBetterSelves’byNikkiGemmell(TheAustralian,December15,2012);GreaterGoodScienceCenterformaterialasadaptedfromOurInnerApe:ALeadingPrimatologistExplainsWhyWeAreWhoWeArebyFransdeWaal(Riverhead,2006);Guardianformaterialfrom‘BridgingtheGap’byDanielBarenboim(Guardianonline);HarperCollinsPublishersLtdandCurtisBrownGroupLtdformaterialfromChoirbyGarethMalone.Copyright©2012,GarethMalone;Little,BrownBookGroupformaterialfromLongWalktoFreedombyNelsonMandela(Abacus,1995);Monkey&MeFilmsformaterialfromLoveHateandEverythinginBetweenbyAlexGabbay(Monkey&MeFilms,2012);KristinNeffformaterialfrom‘Self-Compassion:AnAlternativeConceptualizationofaHealthyAttitudeTowardsOneself’byKristinNeffinSelfandIdentity;

ndEdition,2003);RadioTimesOnlineformaterialfrom‘GarethMaloneontheChoir:SingWhileyouWork,MilitaryWivesandGettingCompetitive’byClaireWebb,2012;RandomHouseGroupLimitedformaterialfromTwelveStepstoaCompassionateLifebyKarenArmstrong(TheBodleyHead);RiverheadBooks,animprintofPenguinGroup(USA)LLCformaterialfromBuddhismWithoutBeliefsbyStephenBatchelor.Copyright©1997,StephenBatchelor&TheBuddhistRay,Inc,;ZadieSmithformaterialfrom‘GenerationWhy?’.Copyright©2010,ZadieSmith.FirstpublishedinNewYorkReviewofBooksandreproducedbypermissionoftheauthorc/oRogers,Coleridge&WhiteLtd,20PowisMews,LondonW111JN;SouvenirPressformaterialfromBlackLikeMebyJohnHowardGriffin(SouvenirPress,2009);SpecialBroadcastingServiceforquotedmaterialin‘“Illegals”andtheerosionofempathy’byHelenDavidson.Copyright©2013,SBS;StanfordUniversityPressformaterialfromEmpathicVision:Affect,Trauma,andContemporaryArtbyJillBennett(StanfordUniversityPress,2005);TheTanjaHowarthAgencyformaterialfromLowestoftheLowbyGüntherWallraff(Methuen,1998);UniversityofChicagoPressformaterialfromTheCruelRadiance:PhotographyandPoliticalViolencebySusieLinfield(UniversityofChicagoPress,2010).

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www.oxfordmuse.com(Conversation,DiningandDancing)formaterialfrom‘TheNewConversation’byTheodoreZeldin;NortonformaterialfromInventingHumanRights:AHistorybyLynnHunt(Norton,2007);OxfordUniversityPressformaterialfromHowAreWetoLive?EthicsinanAgeofSelf-InterestbyPeterSinger;PenguinBooksLtdformaterialfromTheBetterAngelsofOurNaturebyStevenPinker(AllenLane,2011).Copyright©2011,StevenPinker;PolityPressandJeremyP.Tarcher,animprintofPenguinGroup(USA)LLCformaterialfromTheEmpathicCivilization:TheRacetoGlobalConsciousnessinaWorldinCrisisbyJeremyRifkin.Copyright©2009,JeremyRifkin;PuddleDancerPressformaterialfromNonviolentCommunication:ALanguageofLifebyDrMarshallB.Rosenberg(2