EMOTION IN TWINS:

AN EXPLORATORY STUD¥.

By

Deborah Kaye Nairn

A thesis submitted in partial

fulfilment of the requirements

of the degree of

MASTER OF ARTS !N PSYCHOLOGY

University of Canterbury 1994.

ii

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

First, I wish to thank Professor Ken Strongman for his guidance and

support throughout the preparation of this thesis.

Thank you also to Clare Lange in the department, who has always been

prepared to listen and advise.

Special thanks to family and friends for encouraging me during some

difficult times over the past year and a half.

My fondest thanks to Margaret for her interest, advice and for 'being

there'.

I am indebted to all my subjects who so willingly participated and made

this study possible.

I count it a privilege to thank my identical twin for her belief in me to

write on a subject that is close to both of us.

Finally, I wish to thank my husband for his patience, love and support

during the preparation and writing of this thesis.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Table of Contents

List of Tables and Figures

Abstract

I.

II.

Ill.

IV.

V.

I.

II.

III.

IV.

V.

CHAPTER ONE

INTRODUCTION

GENERAL INTRODUCTION

TWIN-TYPES AND FACTORS RESPONSIBLE FOR TWINNING

TWIN-SINGLETON DIFFERENCES: LITERATURE REVIEW

EMOTION IN TWINS LITERATURE

RATIONALE FOR 1HE CURRENT STUDY.

SUBJECT SELECTION

CHAPTERTWO

METHOD

SUBJECT CHARACTERISTICS Twins Close siblings

RESEARCH PROCEDURE

DATA COLLECTION The Questionnaire

DATA ANALYSIS Qualitative Quantitative

iii

Page ii

iii

V

vi

1

3

4

10

17

18

18

19

19

20

iv CHAPTER THREE

RESULTS

I. INTRODUCTION 22

II. SECTION A: ( Qualitative Analysis ) 22

General 22

Parents 64

School 68

Adolescence 81

Relationships 88

Partnerships 107

Separation 118

Loss 124

III. SECTION B: ( Quantitative Analysis ) 126

CHAPTER FOUR

DISCUSSION

I. INTRODUCTION AND OVERVIEW 129

II. GENERAL DISCUSSION 129

General 129

Parents 139

School 140

Adolescence 142

Relationships 143

Partnerships 146

Separation 148

Loss 149

m. SUMMARY AND CONCLUSIONS 150

IV. LIMITATIONS OF THE CURRENT RESEARCH 153

V. DIRECTIONS FOR FUTURE RESEARCH 153

REFERENCES 155

APPENDICES

A

B

C

EMOTION IN TWINS QUESTIONNAIRE

CLUSTER ANALYSIS

SUMMARY TABLE OF CLUSTER ANALYSIS RESULTS

USTS OF TABLES AND FIGURES TABLES

1. Percentage of twins and close siblings attending the same school(s)

V

158

165

167

and being in the same class or classes during their school years. 68

2. Percentage of twins and close siblings reporting the circumstance(s)

of their first separation.

FIGURES

118

1. Number of positive and negative emotions reported by twins. 126

2. Number of positive and negative emotions reported by twins

and close siblings.

3. Number of positive and negative emotions reported by twins

and close siblings in each section.

127

128

vi

ABSTRACT

The purpose of this present study was to explore the emotions twins

experience while growing up, and compare their emotional experiences with

those of siblings close in age. The sample comprised 34 twins, (24 identical, 10

fraternal) and 29 close siblings (no further apart than 18 months) all over the age

of 1-8 years. Data was gathered using an open-ended questionnaire designed for

use in the current study. Analyses disclosed that twins, especially identical

female twins, were likely to experience more negative emotion during their

lives than close siblings. This was mainly due to the strong reactions that

twinship elicits from others. Twins were particularly affected by such things as

mistaken identities, being stared at, constant comparison and so on. Many of

these issues engendered negative feelings in twins at school. In addition,

adolescence, relationships and separation were found to impact on the emotions

in twins. Never-the-less the results revealed a number of positive experiences

attached to twinship. Friendship, companionship and understanding were but

some of the experiences that twins reported, arousing positive emotion for them.

Furthermore, some emotional experiences unique to twinship were identified.

Implications of the findings were discussed and some suggestions for future

research were given.

CHAPTER ONE

INTRODUCTION

I. GENERAL INTRODUCTION

"Twins have always been the objects of mixed emotions for mankind. Their birth is nearly always the occasion of surprise, and sometimes of consternation" (Newman, 1940, p.12).

1

Emotions are a familiar part of our lives. The role they play in our day-to­

day existence is significant, influencing much of what we do and how we do it.

Emotions can bring us hope and despair and seem to range from the mildest

promptings to the most profound passions and from the most positive to the

most negative feelings.

Psychologists have usually studied emotion from the outside by focussing

on one or another component of emotion. They may describe objective

emotional behaviour, report the level of physiological arousal or observe and

report levels of intensity, pleasantness and so forth. We can quantify such

results and learn about facial expressions, physiological reactions and patterns of

behaviour but we learn little about how emotions are lived and the role they

play in our lives. Emotions can also be examined from the inside. To do so is to

ask people about their emotional experience. "Without the subjective

experience, very little of importance in emotion remains for the individual. It is

the feelings that are important to people" (Strongman, 1987, p.245).

The present work seeks to explore emotions from within. To ask about

the subjective experiences of twins and compare these with the experiences and

feelings of non-twins.

Although twins have been the subjects of considerable research there has

been little discussion of emotion as it impinges on them, personally. In fact, it is

only recently that investigators have begun to talk to twins directly about their

twin experiences. Writers who have focussed on twin experiences have detailed

some of the problems inherent in being a twin. For example, in a clinical study

of adult identical twins, Hagadorn & Kizziar (197 4) reported the difficulties

attached to twinship. Twins in this study were particularly affected by the belief

that they were thought of as different from others. When asked to comment on

2 how they thought others perceived twinship their responses included: "almost

as freaks, two bodies sharing one mind, possessing ESP, incomplete without the

other, knowing the other's thoughts and feelings, and uncaring of others except

their twin" (p.127). A similar picture emerged from interviews conducted with

adult fraternal and identical twins (Schave & Ciriello, 1983). In addition, some

twins in this study felt the expectation for them to be similar and emotionally

close confusing for them as individuals. In Ainslie's (1985) study differences

were found between people's expectations of twinship and how twins actually

experienced their twin relationship. Such differences have implications for

twins who may themselves expect their relationship to be special in some way

(Simons, 1990).

By drawing on the experiences of twins, this thesis seeks to explore how

emotions are lived and the role they play in the lives of twins. The descriptions

of their experiences permit insight into the issues facing twins and the impact

emotions have on the feelings twins have about themselves and each other. In

particular the present work illustrates how the lives of twins are affected by

issues and life events such as relationships, partnerships, comparison,

competition, separation, being stared at, puberty and being in the same class at

school.

After the introduction the first chapter will be organised as follows: Part II

is concerned with the classification of twin-types and some of the factors

responsible for twinning. In Part III the research is reviewed concerning twin -

singleton differences. Part IV outlines emotion in twins literature. This section

is organised under three headings: infancy, adolescence and adulthood and is

followed by a brief summary and conclusion of those studies and limitations of

the findings. Finally, Part V introduces the rationale for the current study.

3 II. TWIN-TYPES AND FACTORS RESPONSIBLE FOR TWINNING

Biologically twins are classified into two distinct groups: the identical or

monozygotic (MZ) twin or the fraternal or dizygotic (DZ) twin. The

simultaneous birth of two infants is most commonly due to the development of

two different eggs that are released from separate follicles at approximately the

same time. The two eggs are fertilised by different sperm and become implanted

in separate sites in the uterus. Such fraternal twins share half their genes and are

therefore genetically the same as non-twin brothers and sisters.

The factors that predispose a women to dizygotic twinning are

incompletely known. Certain families exhibit a high recurrence of multiple

births, which suggests that genetic factors play a role. Family size is also

implicated. The likelihood of twin pregnancies increases steadily with

advancing maternal age. An older women has twice as much chance of giving

birth to fraternal twins. Multiple pregnancies also appear to be associated with

the cessation of the use of oral contraception.

From an embryological point of view, the greater interest is the origin of

identical twins, derived from a single fertilised egg between 1 to 14 days

following conception. Identical twins share all their genes in common and are

always of the same sex. Identical twins occur in 3.5 per 1000 confinements, and

this figure is remarkably constant for different populations of the world. The

frequency of identical twinning appears to be independent of maternal age and

ethnic groups. In contrast, the incidence of fraternal twinning is as high as 40 per

1000 confinements in some Nigerian blacks and approximately 8 per 1000

confinements in Caucasians.

Occasionally identical twins do not separate entirely in the womb. When

this situation occurs the infants are born with parts of their bodies fused together.

These infants are called Siamese twins after the famous brothers Chang and Eng.

4 III. TWIN - SINGLETON DIFFERENCES: LITERATURE REVIEW

Twins face special problems with respect to development. At birth twins

are likely to suffer the disadvantages of prematurity and low birth weight

(Showers & McCleery, 1984). Congenital defects are more common among twins

than among singletons (Rutter & Redshaw, 1991) and the morbidity rate, both

pre- and postnatally, is higher for twins (Trusken & Colembel, 1979) than for

single born. Problems at birth may mean that twins face separation from their

care giver contributing to a delay in parent-infant bonding. Furthermore, the

implications of prolonged separation may be compounded by the likelihood that

mothers generally develop, within weeks (Minde, Perotta & Carter, 1982), a

preference for one twin over the other.

From the viewpoint of development it is not only the mother who is

constantly present within a twins range of perception but also his or her co-twin

(Moilenan, 1987). The interaction between twins may contribute to twin­

singleton differences in psychological development. In an annotation of

available literature Rutter and Redshaw (1990) reported some features of sibling

relationships and their implications for understanding twin-singleton

differences. For example, in the case of sibling relationships, negative emotion

occurs between siblings when one is displaced from their role in the family or

from each sibling vying for parental attention. According to the authors twins

may exhibit many of the same characteristics as singletons in regard to sibling

rivalry; although twins are not displaced they still compete for parental

attention. Furthermore, the processes of de-identification (i.e .. an attempt by

siblings to accentuate the differences from each other) and assimilation (i.e. an

attempt by siblings to adopt similar interests) were also shown to be operating in

sibling relationships. However, as noted by the authors, a lack of research, makes

application regarding the knowledge and outcome of these processes to twin

pairs speculative.

The interaction between twins may account (at least in part) for the verbal

and cognitive delays observed among some twins relative to non-twins. A study

comparing the language abilities of 90 pairs of twins, aged 5 to 6 years was

undertaken by Knock (1966). Studied as a group, there were only moderate

differences between twins and non-twins in speech and IQ. The twin subgroups

however showed quite different patterns of learning the elements of speech i.e

5 articulation and basic syntax. Pronounced differences in speech form were found

between identical female twins and non-twin males. Identical female twins also

showed somewhat lower scores than non-twin females in speech articulation.

Relative to singleton males, fraternal male twins were rated lower in articulation

and showed a higher frequency of structural errors. Subsequent studies

examining verbal and cognitive delays have also shown that twins, on average,

have a slightly lower verbal intelligence than non-twins (Silvia, McGee &

Powell, 1982; Lytton, Watts & Dunn, 1987}.

Common explanations for verbal and cognitive delays in twins have

emphasised the unique environments in which twins develop. Because of the

difficulties involved in parenting two children simultaneously, parents may

spend less time with their twins and hence provide a less adequate model for

language development. At the same time, due to the closeness of some twins

and the time they spend together, they develop their own communication

system (Showers & McCleery, 1984}, a secret or autonomous language called

cryptophasia.

Verbal and cognitive delays may effect the sociability of twins by isolating

them from their peers. Twins who spend a great deal of their time with each

other at school may be perceived by their peers to be less sociable and so become

less popular. Fischbein, Frank and Cenner (1991) conducted a popularity rating

study of twins and non-twins age of 11 and 13. Popularity ratings did not differ

significantly between twin types and non-twins at age 11. However, fraternal

males, aged 13 years, from opposite sex pairs, were found to be significantly more

popular than 13 year old females of the same sex pairings and non-twin females

of the same age. Factors contributing to differences in popularity were not

investigated in this study.

Twin interaction has been recognised in the psychoanalytic literature.

Much of the research emphasises psychological issues surrounding twinship,

some of which have been tested against various theoretical conceptualisations of

development.

Separation-individuation has been the focus of much attention from

psychoanalytic clinicians and theoreticians. The process of separation­

indi vid ua tion was a theory developed by Margaret Mahler (1965) a

psychoanalytic theorist who conducted very detailed clinical observations of

infants and their mothers in an effort to find out how infants develop

6 independence. Mahler believes that the child acquires a sense of separateness

along with a sense of relatedness to the world through the process she calls

separation-individuation. The process is intertwined and is characterised by the

child's emergence from the symbiotic relationship with the mother (separation)

and the child's acquisition of individual characteristics in the first 3 years of life

(individuation). Separation-individuation is generally divided into 4 subphases:

differentiation (four to eight months), practising (eight to fifteen months),

rapprochement (fifteen to twenty four months), and consolidation of

individuality (twenty four months and beyond). At the end of 3 years the child

has a relatively independent, autonomous sense of self.

The literature suggests that twin experiences may differ from that of

singletons at various stages of the separation-individuation process. Ainslie

(1985) for example, describes these differences in terms of "stress points" which

can occur during the symbiotic phase 1 and rapprochement subphase. 2 His study

also indicates a further stress point occurs during adolescence when a second

separation-individuation process may be at work. The findings suggest that

quality and quantity of parent-child interaction and the degree to which twins are

able to develop a differentiated sense of both self and important others, may

sufficiently alter their developmental context thus evoking experiences of stress.

In addition Showers & McCleery (1984), testify to the challenge facing twins,

especially identical twins, in separating and individuating themselves

satisfactorily from their parents, and each other, more particularly when the

dominant - submissive aspect of twinship comes into play. In this situation

conflict can occur when the assertive twin desires independence before the more

passive of the pair is ready. Johnson & Johnson (1982) suggested that adult

identical twins were more at risk developmentally due to the difficulties they

faced in separating and individuating from their care giver thus forcing them

into a close relationship with each other. This relationship or developmental

jump may have prevented twins from establishing individual identities and put

at risk their ability to develop close adult relationships.

In a recent study, however, Pearlman (1990) found no significant

1 Symbiosis is a phase of several months duration characterised by the infants pervasive dependence on a primary maternal figure. 2 Rapprochement is the third subphase of the separation-individuation process. This subphase lasts approximately from 15 to 24 months and roughly coincides with the period of development referred to as toddlerhood. During this period the toddler begins to return to the mother more often-to show toys and otherwise share independent acts (Yussen & Santrock,1982).

7 differences between twins and non-twins on objective measures of separation-

individuation, object relations and self esteem. In addition, results showed

twins were as likely as non-twins to marry. No significant differences were

found between the three groups (identical twins, fraternal twins, & non-twins)

with respect to marital status, number of years married and number of previous

marriages. Furthermore, the findings disclosed that twins were just as likely as

non -twins to be living with someone (other than their twin) despite claims that

twins are somewhat less sociable than singletons.

The findings that twins are likely to be disadvantaged developmentally

raise all sorts of interesting questions for their later emotional development. For

example, what are the emotional implications for twins who do not experience

secure parent-child attachment? How might parent preference impinge

emotionally on the lives of twins as individuals and as a pair? Do

developmental delays effect twins emotionally in adulthood? How much of the

twin relationship is emotionally driven? What effect does the continual

presence of another have on twins emotionally? What is the emotional

outcome for twins who do not successfully separate and individuate from each

other as well as from significant others and is this process more stressful for

identical twins? Does an unsuccessful separation mean that twins will depend

on each other for their emotional needs?

There are no immediate answers to all these questions, however there is

evidence to suggest some link between twinship, emotional development and

mental health. Most of the studies which have focussed on the mental health of

twins have been concerned with examining genetic and environmental

influences on individual behaviour. The implications of such an approach for

mental health practice has been well recognised. (Segal, 1990; Sieberg, Heath,

Kessler, Neale, Meyer, Evans & Kendler, 1990). There is, however, a literature

emerging which looks more directly at the twin situation and the implications

of associated mental health problems. A review of this literature and clinical

experiences suggests that mental health problems for twins may be exacerbated by

their twinship (Moilanen, 1987). According to the findings twins are more apt to

develop problems if they are the more dependent and submissive member of the

pair. Results of a study conducted by Moilanen (1987) on 234 twin pairs, aged

from 12 to 20 years, support the above findings. In this study submissiveness was

associated with a high frequency of reported low self confidence and

8 psychosomatic complaints.

On the basis of 400 interviews from identical and fraternal twins and their

parents Hagadorn and Kizziar (197 4) concluded that "there is no question that

twinship affects one's emotional development" (p.117). They found identical

twins experienced a slightly higher level of emotional disturbance than non­

twins. Linked to this were problems in parenting twins and the constant

comparison and competition between twins for parental attention.

In contrast, a recent review of twin-singleton differences found the level

of psychopathology in twins corresponded closely to that found in non-twins

(Rutter & Redshaw, 1991). However, the patterns of psychopathology reflected in

this review were confined to looking at childhood and adolescent social and

behavioural problems.

Much of the literature tends to skew the picture of twinship, emphasising

the negative aspects and neglecting to write about possible benefits. However,

twinship m~y not necessarily be as detrimental to mental health as we are led to

believe. According to Anderson (1985) patterns of dominance and

submissiveness between twins are not necessarily prerequisites for developing

mental illness but may in fact be advantageous for the mental health of twins.

Apparently where there is a dominance and submissiveness situation within a

twinship, role-switching can occur. This being a process in which twins alternate

between roles. This allows twins to act as role-models for each other and is

particularly useful to the less advanced of the twin pair. Drawing on the

resources of their co-twin can help overcome their own weaknesses thereby

keeping them both at the same developmental level.

The awareness that twins have of each others needs, evidenced in role

switching, may increase their awareness of the needs inherent in other

relationships. There is evidence suggesting that twins learn early to identify

with the feelings of their twin siblings. In a study by Dickman & Clark (1985)

free-play sessions of infant twins, aged 8 months to 2 and a half years, were

videotaped and analysed to examine social interaction between twin pairs.

During a session of play sequential, measures showed distracting-consoling

behaviour occurring when one of a pair became disturbed enough to cry. In this

instance the twin who was not upset would attempt to alleviate the crying by

acting in a manner that would draw attention away from it. Distracters usually

took the form of vocalisation or banging a toy and were interpreted as attempts

9 to bring consolation to the crying twin. According to the authors the findings

that twins in the study were able to understand each other's experience may be

further evidence of role-switching.

The development of empathy within the twin relationship in early years

perhaps has advantages for twins in their relationships with others during

adolescence, effects which might carry over into adulthood. The findings from

interviews of 40 set of twins, 20 fraternal pairs and 20 identical pairs, led Schave

& Ciriello (1983) to conclude "that growing up as a twin can facilitate an ability to

understand and be able to feel compassionately with and for others"(p.103). In

addition, their findings indicated that this aspect of twinship was important

when choosing careers. For example, the majority of twins in this study had

chosen careers that required them to be empathetic.

10 IV. EMOTION IN TWINS LITERATURE

No single study has attempted to address emotion in twins. However,

from the available literature it is clear that throughout development twin

experiences elicit a wide range of positive and negative feelings. Subsequent

sections address feelings in infancy, adolescence and adulthood.

Infancy.

At the Hampstead clinic, London, Burlingham (1952) and colleagues

observed and recorded the development of three pairs of identical twin infants.

A case, study of one pair, Bessie and Jessie, gives insight into their emotion

experiences within the context of development.

Bessie and Jessie were 4 months old when they entered the nursery. From the

beginning they were often put into adjacent cots and did not become aware of

each other until 8 months, when Jessie put her hand into Bessie's cot. At 10

months they began to notice each other and the first signs of competition became

evident. When the mother or nurse paid attention to one of the twins the other

twin took notice and tried to get her attention for itself. At this stage of

development, the twin who was not picked up first showed that it objected to

being the one left behind. At 11 months Bessie refused to be fed second. At 12

months Bessie continued to be the dominant one. Around this time the twins

began to imitate each other. When one did something interesting the other

wanted to do it too; when one demanded admiration the other demanded it as

well. These copying behaviours seemed to bring them into a closer relationship.

At an early age twins were often aware of each other when separated. At 17

months (during separation) Jessie discovered a long panel mirror where she

could see her entire self. She took all her toys and put them on the floor near

the mirror, settled down and played with the mirror. Emotional reaction to

separation intensified as the twins grew.

Contagion of feelings was observed in many situations around 2 years of age.

When either Bessie or Jessie displayed a strong emotion the other caught the

same emotion and expressed it by identical behaviour. For example, "sudden

show of fear of animals, fear of ducks and sheep on the Heath. It was difficult

to see which twin was afraid first; the emotions seemed to be expressed

simultaneously" (p .31).

Also around this time the twins began to react to each other with violent

emotions. Their individual personal demands for attention seemed to increase

their jealousy of each other. These reactions were just as intense at 3 years;

they continued to be possessive and angry towards their mother appearing

deliberately to annoy her. They worked as a well organised team to enforce

1 1 the fulfilment of their demands.

At 4 years the wish to have something just for themselves and the wish to

share with the twin could be observed at the same age period of development.

The efforts to overcome jealousy went on at the at the same time as the

outbreaks of jealousy and only appeared under stress. The twins left the nursery

at 5 and a half years of age to go to boarding school. Although this meant

separation from their mother Bessie comforted herself with the words "we are

never alone, I always have Jessie to talk to." Jessie laughed and said I have

Bessie, so we aren't lonely"( p.84).

The case study of Bessie and Jessie shows the twin relationship was

threatened by negative feelings brought about by competition, rivalry for

parental attention, and one twin attempting to dominate the twinship. The

other twins in the study, Bill and Bert and Mary and Madge revealed further

evidence of these emotions occurring within the twin relationship.

For all three twin pairs reaction to separation was noted. Indifference at

separation was observed when twins were reunited following a brief separation

from each other. Bill and Bert, for example, ignored each other while Bessie and

Jessie acted as if they did not know each other. This refldion was of short

duration. In Burlingham' s view the apparent indifference was an expression of

rejection that each twin felt regarding their separation experience. Games and

the use of toys were also used to compensate for the missing twin during

separation. For example, Bessie and Jessie played with a toy dog as means of

overcoming the emotions which were due to separation. Bill and Bert's reaction

took the form of a ball game in which both twins participated. According to

Burlingham "the attachment the twins had to the balls, the game of dropping

and fetching, and finally Bill's putting into words the disappearance of the ball,

"ball all gone", brings into the open the emotion the twins were trying to

master by means of play" (p.4).

When Mary was separated from Madge for several months due to illness

her reaction was described as a state of mourning. On many occasions, in this

period of time, Madge was observed rocking and crying while repeatedly saying

her sister's name. At night Madge would wake screaming for her sister. Like

the other twin children in the study Mary invented games to overcome her

separation. For example, she was often observed riding her bike back and forth

on the drive apparently pretending to be driving herself to London to pick up

her sister. Although observations of all three twin pairs showed twin

relationships going through difficult periods they were balanced by positive

12 experiences during infancy. For example, twins were seen to turn to each other

for consolidation and understanding by comforting, helping, and protecting each

other.

Adolescence.

Erikson (1950) suggests developmental stress occurs during adolescence.

It is a time when adolescents are loosening the family ties and also building a

greater identification with others of the same age group. It has been noted that

this period of development marks a second separation-individuation process

(Blos,1967). Twins are faced with a dual task in adolescence: they must

individuate from the family as well as from the twin relationship. Findings by

Ainslie (1985) disclosed that twins often feel ambivalent about this process: "they

wish to individuate and may feel guilty for these feelings but also feel

vulnerable to the experience of losing someone who means a great deal to

them" (p.168).

In her book, How Twins Grow Up, Mary Rosambeau, did not set out to

look at emotion yet she wrote, " adolescence had been a time of open conflict

and at best a state of armed truce"( p.102). Her book described the responses of

600 adult twins and parents taken from questionnaires and interviews.

Fear, anger, and resentfulness were expressed, as twins recounted

experiences of differential treatment and attempts at establishing a separate

identity during adolescence. Many of the twins who had been stared at "felt

personally diminished by the experience - they felt like a thing not a person"(p.

95). Other experiences related to comparison, particularly in the classroom and

for these twins praise was difficult because of the pain felt for the other twin.

Separation experiences during adolescence figured prominently in

Rosambeau's study. Feeling lonely, unwanted, rejected, unloved, were

emotions commonly expressed by those twins who had not been asked out with

their twin. The twins who were asked out reported feeling guilty. A small

number recalled fear being attached to separate invitations. As one twin said "I

was nervous if asked out on my own" (p.182).

Forming relationships with the opposite sex was another emotional

theme which emerged in the study. Although some twins did not feel this was

significant others found the experience difficult. Many remembered feeling

intensely jealous while others expressed feeling unhappy, uncomfortable, hurt,

and annoyed. In Ainslie's (1985) study Jean described it as a traumatic event

13 when Sandie was the first one to get a boyfriend. "All of a sudden we wouldn't

talk as much because she didn't want to share things about that relationship

very much .. .I sort of felt closed out then, that was a hard time that was a very

hard time."(p.105).

An unpublished study on Adolescent Twin Experiences, by Nairn (1992)

revealed experiences similar to the twins' in Rosambeau' s study. All the twins

in this study described, in emotional terms, suffering from comparison in the

class. For example, one twin wrote: "we get really angry with our teachers when

they compare us"(p.4}. Coming second best was also difficult for some twins.

These twins said they felt annoyed, dumb, and frustrated when this happened.

Further negative emotions surfaced when twins were asked to describe any

experiences that had been difficult for them during high school because they

were a twin. One twin stated, "I feel pissed off when people lump us

together"(p.6}. Another said, "I hate it when people call me 'the twin', I like to

be called by my own name" (p.6}.

While many of . the reviewed studies revealed a wide range of negative

feelings between teenage twins during adolescence Nairn's (1992) findings

disclosed a number of positive experiences. For over a quarter of the twins in

the study, combining forces and working as a team was significant, "We stick up

for each other, sort of a working team", reported one pair of male twins. For a

female pair having a twin around to gang up on parents produced positive

feelings-"We are a real force, it feels great" (p.3). All the twins interviewed

considered companionship to be the most positive experience during

adolescence. Typical responses included: "we are ~est friends", "we are closer

than sisters", "there is always someone there", "you know someone is

experiencing similar things, it feels reassuring" (p.3). In Mary Rosambeau's

book, confirmation of similar positive twin experiences during adolescence are

described under the following headings: two's company; having someone who

is special to you; having an unspoken understanding; presenting a 1.inited front.

Also reported were additional feelings of pleasure, intense pride, confidence,

and acceptance.

Adulthood.

During adulthood, there appears to be considerable variation in the

relationships that adult twins maintain with each other. Varying degrees of

closeness within the twin relationship contribute to a wide range of experienced

14 emotion. In Ainslie's (1985) study for example, many adult twins described "the

soothing and comforting feelings associated with having one's twin present

during difficult periods"(p.168). For many of the twins in the study however

there was evidence that reliance on the twinship led to issues of dependency and

separation-anxiety. Even where some twins had successfully separated, the

findings testified to the enduring importance of the twin relationship. As one

twin stated, "I was emotionally starving (with my ex-husband) I wanted

someone to need me very badly ... "(p.111).

The literature suggests that when twins marry, especially identical twins,

they may be afraid to let go of their twinship. According to Hagedorn and

Kizziar (1971) "many identical twins tend to be clinging vines in their marriage

relationships, and often require constant emotional support from their mates"

(p.129).

In the article 'When a Twin Marries' Alice Vollmar described "how being

a twin, especially an identical twin, can forever affect the dynamics of a

marriage"(p.15). She notes that twinship can make positive contributions to

marriage or can create problems. She described jealousy, frustration, loss, panic,

rejection, and anger as accounting for some of the negative feelings associated

with marriage for twins. In contrast, other twin relationships were seen to

enhance marriage, enabling twins to enjoy the partnership alongside their

twinship.

Separation experiences are significant for twins throughout their

development from infancy to adulthood. When one of a pair dies it is the most

potent experience of separation. Woodward (1988), herself a bereaved twin,

undertook a study of twin loss. The sample of 219 bereaved twins included 90

identical 111 fraternal, and 18 of unknown zygosity. aged from 18 to 92 years. No

control group was included in the study. During the interviews twins were

asked to rate the experience of 'twin loss' as severe, marked, or slight. Findings

revealed that 42% chose severe, 39% chose marked, and 19% rated the

experience as slight. Surviving identical twins experienced twin loss more

severely than surviving fraternal twins.

In this study twins expressed a wide spectrum of feelings as they attempted

to deal with the loss of their twin. These feelings ranged from rejection, blame,

and guilt to fear and loneliness. Guilt was particularly marked for those who

had lost their twin through suicide or whose twin had died as a result of a

15 handicap. Surviving twins described feeling that they were the bad undeserving

ones; having to live for two; and having to be so good.

The loss of a twin appears to affect the perception that surviving twins

have of themselves in relation to others. One twin described an intense

loneliness that could not be relieved by anyone. Some feared seeking closeness

from others while some of the twins desired it. Many described themselves as

lifelong loners, feeling the odd one out and different from others.

A significant aspect of the loss for twins was the feeling that their twin was

the only one they could share their life with - the only one who really

understood. Many twins reported endlessly seeking for their twin. The sense of

loss was also reported to increase with age.

SUMMARY AND CONCLUSION During the course of a twin's development a number of issues emerge

which affects the feelings that they have about themselves and each other. In

infancy twins are faced with the dual task of trying to maintain a balance

between two relationships - with their mother and with each other

simultaneously. This situation brings twins into conflict with each other as they

each compete for parental attention. Dominance and submissiveness are also

present in the twin relationship from an early age.

Adolescent twins face conflict when one of the pair desires to move away

from the ties of the twin relationship, placing a strain on the twinship if the

other twin is not ready to let go. Pressure from outside the twinship also

influences the emotions in twins. At school for example, twins are subjected to

comparison, differential treatment as well as being treated as a unit. Forming

partnerships outside the twin relationship impacts negatively on the twinship

during adolescence and this is evident in adulthood when a twin marries. The

apparent closeness of some twinships determines, to some extent, the difficulties

twins face when forming other relationships - including marriage.

Separation affects twins of all ages. The strong emotion attached to

separation is visible in the observation study of the infant twins and further

expressed in the adolescent surveys. The traumatic effects of separation

continue through to adulthood. The most significant emotional experience for

twins of all ages, at whatever stage of life, is when one of a pair dies.

However, not all the issues encountered in a twin's experience cause

16 him/her to feel negative towards each other or about themselves. There appear

to be many positive aspects of twinship. Closeness and companionship is

evident early in a twin's experience. Twins learn from a young age to

complement each other by working as a team to achieve what they want. This

aspect of twinship is evident in adolescence as are the pleasurable feelings twins

have for their relationship, the feelings of always having someone to confide in,

being best friends and experiencing similar things. In adulthood the twin

relationship continues to elicit positive emotions and is especially important

during the difficult periods.

Due to the limited amount of material directly related to the issue of

emotion in twins it is difficult to draw any firm conclusions from the existing

findings. However, there is strong indication that in the course of their

development twin experiences elicit more negative than positive feelings.

Furthermore, it is also indicated that the various issues and circumstances

which govern the development of twins may have implications for how twins

feel about themselves and each other.

While the literature gives insight into the experienced emotion in twins'

lives it is important to remember that there are limitations concerning the

findings. Firstly, the emotion was extrapolated from material that did not deal

specifically with emotion in twins. Secondly, there are basic issues concerning

methodology. For example, in the studies, comparison or control groups were

omitted. Without the presence of such groups how can we know whether or

not the emotion experienced by twins is the same or different from emotion

experienced by non-twins or siblings close in age?

17 V. RATIONALE FOR CURRENT STUDY

Twins have been and still are a highly researched population. However,

in spite of this relatively little is known about twins themselves. In fact, until

recently investigators failed to question twins directly about their twin

experiences. The current study is an attempt to meet this deficiency.

The aim. of the present investigation is twofold. First to explore the

emotions twins experience growing up as part of a pair. Secondly, to com.pare

their emotional experiences with the emotional experiences of siblings close in

age. While no set hypothesis is formulated for the current study a number of

questions which emerged from. the emotion in twins literature were addressed.

These questions are as follows: Do twins experience more negative than positive

emotion during the course of their development? Do the emotions twins

experience differ in regards to their twin type? Finally, are the emotions twins

experience the same or different from the emotions experienced by siblings close

in age?

When studying emotions, psychologists usually describe objective

behaviour or ask subjects to step outside their feelings in order to observe and

report the degree of pleasantness, intensity and so forth (De Rivera, 1984). One

reason for this is psychologists' penchant for measurement over understanding

(Giorgi, 1970). The present study is an attempt to explore and understand

emotions from. the inside, to discover how emotions are lived and the role they

play in the lives of twins. To illustrate these issues it is necessary to be

descriptive, em.ploying what twins have to say about them.selves and their

emotional experience.

18

CHAPTER TWO

METHOD

I. SUBJECT SELECTION

The present study included two groups of subjects: twins (fraternal &

identical) and siblings close in age (no further apart than 18 months) all over the

age of 18 years. The majority of participants responded to a notice placed in two

Christchurch newspapers. Further subjects were obtained through an informal

network of friends of the researcher. All respondents were rung by the

researcher and given further information pertaining to the study and at this

stage respondents confirmed their willingness, or otherwise, to become

participants. On confirmation, names were taken for the subsequent posting of

the questionnaire(s). In addition, respondents agreeing to take part were asked:

(1) whether their co-twin or close sibling knew of the study and wished also to

take part and (2) whether they could recommend other potential subjects.

This method of subject selection yielded a total of 140 respondents.

Seventy questionnaires were posted to twins and 70 to close siblings. In total 63

were returned, a return rate of 45%. Twins returned a total of 34 (10 fraternal, 24

identical), a return rate of 53%, and close siblings a total of 29, a return rate of

46%. Three questionnaires, from male identical twins, were eliminated because

subjects failed to complete a significant proportion of the questionnaire (less than

one half of the questions).

II. SUBJECT CHARACTERISTICS

Twins.

Of the 34 returns from twins 27 were female 7 were male, 24 were identical

(18 female, 6 male) and 10 fraternal ( 9 female, 1 male). The age of identical

twins ranged between 18 to 68 years and from 18 to 80 years for fraternal twins.

There was no attempt to balance for twin-type or sex which resulted in a

preponderance of female identical twins.

Close siblings.

Of the 29 questionnaires returned from close siblings 21 were from female

19 siblings and 8 were from male siblings. There were 6 sibling pairs taking part, 4

female and 2 male pairs. The age span of close siblings ranged between 18 and 74

years.

III. RESEARCH PROCEDURE

All participants were posted a letter, together with a return addressed

envelope, enclosing a questionnaire(s) for completion. The letter thanked the

subjects for participation and gave a brief summary detailing the purpose and

aim of the study. The letter requested that where possible participants would

answer the questions in relation to specific experiences in the space following

each question. At the end of the questionnaire provision was made for subjects

to record their names if they so desired. Participants were assured of complete

confidentiality and anonymity. The letter also advised that on completion of the

research a summary of the results would be posted to them. A request was also

made of participants, to refer other potential subjects to the researcher at a given

contact phone number.

The questionnaire(s) were completed by subjects in their own time and

returned by post to the researcher. After a three month period had elapsed

participants who had not returned the questionnaire(s) were contacted by

telephone. At this stage a small number advised that they no longer wished to

take part in the study. Completed questionnaire(s) were accepted for inclusion in

the research for a four month period from the date of the first mailing.

IV. DATACOLLECTION

Data for the study were gathered using an 11 page open-ended

questionnaire (see Appendix A). The same questions were entered on all

questionnaires with the word twin(s) being replaced by close sibling(s) for this

group of subjects.

The questionnaire comprised eight sections. Questions were formulated

from the available twin literature and research focussing on some of the issues

and life events facing twins during childhood, adolescence and adulthood. In

each section, questions were designed to explore the subjects' lived experiences

and the feelings pertaining to these experiences.

Subjects were asked to record their sex, age and twin-type prior to

answering the questionnaire. A pretest had been conducted on a small sample of

20 fraternal and identical twins. Based on the subjects1 responses to the pretest the

questionnaire for the present study was shortened. That is, a minimum of two

questions were excluded from three sections: parents, school, and adolescence

because these sections were considered too long.

The Questionnaire. The eight sections of the questionnaire were:

1. General: this section was included to accommodate questions not specified

under other particular headings. These questions included pleasurable, difficult,

disturbing, unique experiences, being stared at, physical, personality differences,

role-switching, responsibility for feelings and what effect having a twin/ close

sibling had on emotional experiences.

2. Parents: questions relating to parental treatment and parental contribution to

the emotional experiences.

3. School: questions on separation, difficult and memorable school experiences,

competition and second-best experiences.

4. Adolescence: questions on puberty, separate identities, conflict, positive

experiences and careers.

5. Relationships: questions on relationships with others, popularity, attraction to

the same person, forming other relationships, and other sibling relationships.

6. Partnerships: questions on who was first to make a commitment, partnership

difficulties, positive partnership contributions, and partnership commitment.

7. Separation: questions on first separation, most difficult separation, and long­

term effects from a separation experience.

8. Loss: a question asking whether a twin/ close sibling had died.

V. DATAANALYSIS

Qualitative Data: Returned questionnaires were sorted into two groups: twins and siblings.

21 Questionnaires from twins were grouped according to twin-type: identical

female, identical male and fraternal twins. Overall there were four groups:

identical female twins, identical male twins, fraternal twins and close siblings.

The responses to each question from identical female twins, identical male

twins, fraternal twins and close siblings, were analysed: (1) to determine

percentage responses, (2) to identify and report the described emotion and (3) to

identify themes or commonalities between responses.

Quantitative data: Questionnaires were collated into four groups: identical female twins,

identical male twins, fraternal twins and close siblings. Questionnaires within

each group were numbered and responses to each question were analysed

separately for described emotion and then entered onto a sheet alongside the

appropriate question and questionnaire number. After every questionnaire from

each of the four groups had been examined a list of emotion names and

frequency of each emotion was listed.

Shaver, Schwartz, Kirson and O'Connor (1987) cluster analysis of 135

emotions was used as the basis for the present analysis to ensure a wide

representation of emotion names. The cluster analysis presents 58 positive and

77 negative emotion names purported to be representative of the everyday usage

of emotion (see Appendix B).

Emotion lists from identical female twins, identical male twins, fraternal

twins and close siblings were evaluated as positive or negative in one of the

following three ways: (1) emotions described by twins and close siblings were

matched by name to those in the cluster analysis, (2) Roget's Thesaurus was used

to find synonyms for other emotions to enable them to be matched by name to

those shown in the cluster analysis and (3) for remaining emotions described by

identical female twins , identical male twins, fraternal twins and close siblings

there were no cluster names or synonyms to match the cluster names and it was

the researcher who judged these emotions to be positive or negative.

22

CHAPTER THREE

RESULTS

I. INTRODUCTION The results are presented in two sections. The first discloses the responses

to the questionnaire from twins and close siblings. The responses follow under

each question asked in the following sections: General, Parents, School,

Adolescence, Relationships, Partnerships, Separation and Loss. They are

described under identical female twins, identical male twins, fraternal twins and

close siblings. The second section deals with quantitative data obtained from the

questionnaires. Summary statistics for this section appear in Appendix C.

II. SECTION A

Qualitative Analysis:

GENERAL

This section was included to elicit responses to questions which did not

have a place in other sections of the questionnaire. Where possible in each

section, responses to questions were listed under their particular subgroups:

identical female twins, identical male twins, fraternal twins and close siblings.

(i) Pleasurable experiences.

Ninety percent of identical female twins, all of male identical twins, 90%

of fraternal twins and 82% of close siblings responded to the question but not all

the responses described specific pleasurable experiences.

Identical female twins:

Responses from identical female twins described the pleasure they

experienced in their twinship. The following are examples of their responses:

"The friendship and understanding we have of each other. A

history of experiences ... "

"The most pleasurable experience being a twin is the constant

companionship I have ... I guess I can say that although I had lonely

times, I never have or will experience complete loneliness ... 11

"Having a friend that ts always there, who loves you

unconditionally."

"The friendship and understanding we have of each other. A

shared history of experiences ... "

"I don't know about especially pleasurable experiences, but I do

remember a secure feeling on our first day of school - secure in the

knowledge that whatever happened I still had my twin with me. 11

"Always having someone your own age and whose tasks are

basically the same and who shares everything with you. My twin

and I had our girls two days apart which also keeps us close - the

girls are very close friends too."

''Generally living together and sharing activities such as golf,

shopping etc ... 11

"There are lots of things we don't have to explain because we know

each other. 11

''I really like being able to talk in incomplete sentences - we can say

few words without needing a lot of explanation. 11

Identical male twins:

23

Examples of pleasurable aspects of twinshlp described by identical male

twins are as follows:

"In childhood we were never lonely ... my twin and I had a very

happy time and we always had a playmate. We always shared

interests ... and always enjoyed one another's company."

"Having someone with very much the same interest, and being able

to discuss those. Also, someone with a similar sense of humour

and very much on the same wave length ... "

"Building and flying model aeroplanes together and entering

contests as team and winning."

"Fooling others because we look and act the same."

Fraternal twins:

24

The following are actual pleasurable experiences reported by fraternal

twins. They wrote:

"When my twin became a prefect I felt a sense of pride. Six years

ago our family visited Australia and my twin and I were able to experience the same things and talk about them.,,

"I love teasing people .. .! go up to them, start a conversation, leave,

and go back later and pretend I'm the other twin ... "

11 As a younger person I enjoyed birthday parties because they were

always quite big affairs. Also there was someone else receiving as

well as I and it took the centre of attention off me, something I

liked. As twins I believe we shared more than other siblings so my

life was enriched by everything my twin received, saw and did."

Other responses from fraternal twins described the pleasurable aspects of

twinship. A female fraternal twin reported feeling special when people come up

to her and ask questions about being a twin. She wrote:

"I enjoy it because it gives me a chance to express how I feel about

being a twin - be it good or bad."

Another reported:

"The knowledge that he is always looking out for me and making

sure I am ok. The bond that exists between us is stronger than the

bonds I share with anyone else - I have a very special friend."

Doing things together and having someone to play with were reported as

pleasurable experiences by other fraternal twins.

Close siblings:

The following are pleasurable experiences reported by close siblings:

''I was chosen to be bridesmaid at my brothers' wedding ... [ felt

honoured ... "

"During lunch hour at school my brother, myself and some friends

went to an old deserted house which we believed at the time to be

haunted .... "

"My brother and I flatted together after my first marriage broke up.

We spent most evenings talking about the meaning of life. He was

always supportive when I was feeling down. One evening we had a

few drinks and were acting silly ... somehow I managed to break one

of -my toes. Instead of getting concerned we went into gales of

laughter ... We flatted together for about 8 months and it was great..."

"The closeness of ages between my sister and myself has meant that

we were teenagers together, we went out together ... We changed

clothes, swapped lunches ... We were able to bike school together and

occasionally bunked school together ... "

"The only pleasurable experience I can remember is as a young

adolescent we tried to think of ways to get out of doing the chores

after school."

"Being mistaken for a twin."

"When my sibling arrives at the airport and intends staying with

me for 10 days it is such a happy time ... "

"We took a trip to Australia in 1987 and that was really amazing ... I

enjoyed singing, dancing and acting with my sister ... "

25

Others described pleasurable aspects of having a close sibling as always

having someone to play with, having a friend, reading the same books,

26 discussion evenings, sharing such things as the birth of children, holidays,

clothes and social outings. A female sibling wrote:

"Rather than specific incidents being pleasurable it has on the

whole been pleasurable to feel that someone i.e. my brother knows

me so well. I feel that many people never have the stability that

our close and accepting relationship gives me. I believe that the

close relationship we have has made the relationship between us

and our parents pleasurable also. 11

(ii) Difficult experiences. Seventy two percent of identical female twins, 20% of male identical

twins, 80% of fraternal twins and 72% of close siblings reported difficult

experiences due to being a twin or having a close sibling.

Identical female twins:

The most difficult experiences disclosed by identical female twins related

to the 'reactions of others' towards their twinship shown in the following

responses: 11 A lot of people made us compete against each other and I hated

this. I can remember when we were learning to swim and the

instructor would make us race against each other. He took great

delight in doing this and although I was the better swimmer I felt

no glory in winning. Something that should have been enjoyable

became something I dreaded. To this day I have no desire to take

part in anything competitive. 1'

"The most difficult experience we've had as twins is to be mixed up

in identities. Always being called by my sister's name - even at my

age now, people have problems. Even today when people call us

'the twins' in front of us it is degrading. 11

"Having own identity especially in relation to friends. It was very

hard growing up trying to be a single person but feeling impossible

to be separate ... At age 8 being told we could separate into different

classes felt devastating. The teachers were pleased. Always being

labelled 1 twins, twinnies' felt like being branded like sheep. People

27 always see us as one, not separate females."

A small number of identical female twins reported competition within

the twinship as difficult. They wrote:

"Basically competition has been the word in our twin life. Little

things like my sister telling me that my Grandfather said that he

knew she would do better out of the two of us ... it doesn't do a lot for

one's self-esteem."

''The feeling of competition/comparison between us - not in terms

of 'achievement' but in terms of our external beings - our physical

appearance. Me feeling fatter, frumpier and matronly while she

looked tall, athletic and beautiful ... "

"My twin was, and still is, extremely brainy ... Though I am

intelligent too, it was very hard to keep up with her so I tended to

find subjects and interests I did not need to compete with her in."

Attending the births of her twin sister's two children were difficult

experiences reported by another twin. She said: "I hated seeing my sister in

pain." Another twin reported it was difficult leaving her sister to study in

another city and when the twin had a breakdown. She wrote of the latter

experience: "I wanted to pretend it wasn't happening because it was like watching

myself." Identical twin sisters described not living up to each other's expectations

and experiencing each other's emotions as difficult. Another twin reported

feeling insulted because people assumed that her sister and her were the same

because they looked alike. She wrote: " ... they never bother to find out the

differences - making comparisons between us. ff Another wrote:

"Because we looked so much alike we were seen as interchangeable.

I don't feel I had my own identity (I'm still struggling!) but was

usually seen as being one of the 'twins'. ff

Identical male twins:

Only one pair of identical male twins reported difficulties. One said:

"mistaken identities. ff The other wrote:

"Being mistaken for my brother and being labelled a snob because I

didn't know the person was difficult."

Fraternal twins

28

Separation was described as a difficult experience by fraternal fem.ale twins,

from. separate pairings. From. one pairing a twin described separation from. her

brother as a 'traumatic experience'. She wrote:

"I did not feel this way when my younger brother travelled. The

separation was hard to come to terms with."

From. the second pairing a twin wrote: "Maybe when deciding to marry. We are

so close to one another."

Another twin described the experience of adjusting to the youth group her

sister belonged to as difficult. She reported feeling like an intruder and believed

her sister resented her for joining. Another twin curses the fact that as well as

looking alike, her twin sister chooses to dress like her. She said: "It makes me

feel like I am not an individual - only half of something whole. Another

fraternal twin found it difficult to make new friends at school. She wrote:

"After a while I found, through making enquiries, the reason for

this was that they believed that my twin was my best friend and that

I didn't need their company."

Going to the dentist was described as a difficult experience by another fraternal

twin. She wrote:

"Up to the age of 18 we always had dentist appointments at the

same time. After my brother had been examined I would be called

in with the dentist saying to me: "I hope your teeth are as good as

your brother's." This made me very frightened of trips to the

dentist ... "

A male fraternal twin found it difficult when people expected him. to be as

good at things as his twin.

Close siblings:

Relationships and school were areas in which the majority of close

siblings reported difficult experiences. Some of the examples reported are as

follows:

"Schooling - My brother found learning easier than I. He was

always interested in everything. He was so friendly ... He was

articulate and very socially confident where I was shy and felt

inadequate."

"The downside of our relationship seems to be an underlying

competitiveness. We have competed in various things ... [ feel I

suffered from very poor self-esteem from a very young age because

of a sense of not being as bright or successful as my brother. 11

"Having my school experiences being reported on at home. 11

"Schooling and University."

29

Some close siblings described friendships as difficult experiences. One

sibling wrote: ''We are continuously fighting over the attention of friends ... ''

Another reported:

"Because we were so close in age we shared most of our friends.

This was extremely difficult in that if one of us spent more time

with the shared friends, the other felt left out. I often came across as

an incredible bitch because I would get extremely angry and

resentful if my friends spent time with my brother. 11

A difficulty described by another female occurred because her sister took some of

her boyfriends. Another found it difficult when her brother seemed to be

hanging around her friends at Bible class and youth group.

A male close sibling reported: "A close sibling has been difficult in the

occasions of separation. 11 A female sibling wrote:

"The only thing I can think of would be at times of separation

where my sister lived in another town. Without realising it at the

time I had come to depend on her and not widened my circle of

friends. 11

Other siblings described marriage as difficult due to having a close sibling.

One female sibling said she had found it particularly difficult to fulfil her

30 commitments to both her husband and her brother. Another sibling reported

that when her first marriage was reconciled her brother was unsupportive. She

said: 11He did not like my husband and got very abusive towards me ... "

Difficult experiences during puberty were reported by two female siblings

from separate pairings:

"Getting my first period, my sibling (brother) knew all about it.

Although he was very supportive I still was so embarrassed and

wished I was an only child."

11During puberty, at fourteen years my body was developing. My

sibling, a male , fifteen months older, almost six feet tall began

sexual harassment."

The following are additional difficult experiences reported by close

siblings. One male found it difficult when other people thought that his sister

was older than he was. Another male reported the frequent arguing with his

sister as difficult. A female described finding it difficult when people assumed

she was older than her brother due to his immaturity. Another female described

a difficult experience being when she did not wish to accompany her sister or

family on outings. She wrote: "I think this was seen as my being rebellious." A

female close sibling who is also an identical twin described:

"It was difficult in that we (my twin and I) always had to think

about her. We wanted to go off by ourselves and our mother would

say: 11Don 't be so selfish, take your sister with you."

(iii) Most disturbing experience.

Eighty nine percent of identical female twins, 17% of identical male twins,

30% of fraternal twins and 72% of close siblings described their most disturbing

twin or close sibling experience and the emotional effect this had on them and

their twin or close sibling relationship.

Identical female twins:

Illness and separation were reported as disturbing experiences by many

identical female twins. The following are examples of these experiences:

"The most disturbing experience was when my twin tried to commit

suicide. Coming to the realisation that even my love for her

couldn't prevent something like this. I remember spending the

afternoon sitting beside her on the hospital bed and neither of us

saying anything. Just the comfort of being together was enough. I

had no thoughts about my husband or baby, just my sister. For a

long time afterwards I was scared, very scared of what she might

do ... 11

//Right back when we were 3 years old my twin had to go away to

hospital in England for seven weeks and I had to stay with an

Aunty. I still remember feeling absolutely lost without her. This

happened also when we were 10 ... I felt lost - something of me was

missing. 11

//When my twin left home and moved to Auckland I felt I lost that

special closeness. I ring her at least once a week ... 11

"My most disturbing experience was when my twin sister went to

Tasmania on a school exchange for three months. I experienced all

her nerves etc, she had none. Then I had to cope with someone else

in her place. I tried treating her like I would my twin but she wasn't

used to all the attention. It was hard on me ... "

'My twin's marriage - like a big loss - a very sad feeling ... 11

31

Examples of other disturbing experiences reported by identical female

twins are:

"The hardest thing I found was my mother always telling us we had

'cut our friends off' because we were always together. How does a

twin understand this?; why do others feel threatened? It had quite

an effect on me because I began to think it was not good for twins to

be together. I fought the inward pain. Have realised in the last

year that it is ok to be twins. 11

// Always being mixed up ... I suffer now with really relating to the

name I have been given - for in me is the identity of my twin... This

issue has been a strong issue in my life. I feel that I have never

been esteemed as an individual. 11

Identical male twins:

32

Only one identical male twin reported his most disturbing twin

experience. He wrote:

"The only one which springs to mind is when my brother

contracted scarlet fever at about age 10 ... This was the first time we

had been separated, and this, combined with being hustled away

from school like a leper and discovering my brother was in hospital

was an emotional experience."

Fraternal twins:

Responses from fraternal twins regarding their most disturbing twin

experience are as follows:

"Our separation when he went to Australia. While he was away for

six years I always felt something was missing in my life. When he

left I thought I would rather lose my mother or husband than him

leave me. I found every phone call and his holidays home very

emotional times. 11

"For a few weeks we were in the same 6th form English class and

the whole time that we were together I could feel my sister's anxiety

and discomfort. I knew it was because I was present ... This

experience caused me to suffer a loss of confidence and I worried

that because of this we must be rather incompatible ... There were

feelings that we would be compared, criticised, and judged against

each other. 11

/IWhen our youngest brother died we had differences over his

estate. This created an emotional effect. My late husband was

involved also. He seemed to resent our closeness."

Close siblings

The most disturbing experiences reported by many close siblings involved

33 the loss of a family member, accidents and illness. Following are some of their

responses:

"The death of my Mum would be my most disturbing experience

and feel this enhanced some of the differences between my sister

and I. My Dad was admitted to hospital a week after the

funeral... This made me stressed though I didn't tell my sister

because I felt as the oldest I should be more in control of myself and

more able to comfort her. I still feel guilty that maybe I let her down

at that time."

"Death of our grandfather, despite being other sides of the world,

brought us closer together. Emotionally we grieve similarly so

respond to each other's emotional needs well, when affected by the

same emotional stress.

My sister was in a car accident which debilitated her for along time.

With our parents overseas my care for her made us incredibly close

- very hard as we separated inside 6 weeks after the accident. ff

"I was in the back of a van when I was young and I fell out the

door ... since then my sister has always looked out for my safety. ff

"When my mother was very ill ... my brother didn't want her living

at home because (in his words) "she couldn't pull her weight any

more on the farm ... ff

Examples of other disturbing close sibling experiences are described below:

"Four years ago my sister, who was living in another town,

separated from her husband. She had a 3 year old and was 4 months

pregnant. She came to stay with me, my husband and 3 children for

a month. I felt very torn between my own family who were feeling

the strain and her needs. I was left with the feeling of pressure from

both sides and having to choose. It was extremely difficult and I feel

that we have lost a certain closeness since then."

"Emigrating - this had a positive effect on our sibling relationship.

Trauma was always a positive sibling experience."

"I feel very upset when my brother takes on new

friends/relationships as he tends to neglect our relationship ... I

understand that he is free to have close relationships with others

but I am very hurt and destabilised and angry when he changes and

becomes hard to relate to ... "

"The time my fiance and I broke up I became much closer to my

brother as he offered me sympathy and time. He was really great

company and good at keeping me from dwelling on my problems.

Since then he has been protective of my feelings and always looks

out for me."

"I was disturbed when my sibling began school. I grieved so much I

became ill. The loneliness was difficult - I had lost my 'baby' and

playmate."

(iv) Being stared at.

34

All female identical twins, 33% of identical male twins, 50% of fraternal

twins and 34% of close siblings described being 'stared at' and how they felt about

this.

Identical female twins:

The descriptions identical female twins gave to this question are reported

below under three headings.

1. Those who did not mind being stared at.

The following responses from identical female twins reported feeling

special and amused when they were stared at.

"Never worried me - as a child - one felt a bit special, as an adult it's

quite amazing."

"I liked it, I felt special, even though I wasn't special individually, I

knew I had to be with my sister to be noticeable."

"It has never been a problem, on the contrary. It is very amusing

having people stare and then with the very typical comment "Gosh

they look alike" or various other comments along those lines. I

suppose it does make you feel that bit more special that we are

noticed ... "

2. Those who disliked being stared at.

35

Twins in this group described feeling frustrated, self conscious, and

annoyed when stared at. Some examples of their responses are as follows:

" ... I can remember frequently being stopped so we could be

photographed. Asian tourists have even asked for photos. I was

very self-conscious and felt as if I was an exhibit on display. To

avoid looking at people I often bent my head whilst walking. To

avoid being stared at, my twin and I would get dressed in different

rooms in the hope that we wouldn't wear identical outfits.

Unfortunately we were rarely successful. If you were stared at, by

males, when on your own it took a long time to realise that maybe

you did look okay. It wasn't because you were a twin. 11

"I was always aware of being stared at and tried to pretend I didn't

notice this. A lot depended on who was doing the staring and what

the remarks were. People in general seemed to think one couldn't

hear the remarks which did annoy."

" ... The most frustrating thing is when people begin to say "You

have this or that that's different, you are fatter/skinnier than the

other. 11 Rather an invasion of one's life. 11

3. Those whose reaction changed over time.

Being stared at, for some twins aroused different emotions at various

stages:

"Yes we were stared at continually and eventually seemed to take it

as part of being a twin, although at times felt embarrassed. 11

"Yes we were noticed because we were dressed alike when young.

While we were small that was ok ... As we grew older it became more

painful - trying to separate into 'me', not 'us'. Now, if we're

together in public I think it's fun!"

"My reaction to this changed during various life stages. At first I

was completely unaware of being stared at. If anything, I thought

everybody was stared at like we were, As a young child I felt pleased

and special because of these stares. They usually preceded lots of

gush. As a young teenager I felt a lot of discomfort and resentment.

I had got to the stage where I had a chip on my shoulder about it. I

felt like "Hey it's not my fault it's a freak of nature. 11 Now I'm

usually surprised at first, then amused. We usually look at each

other and smirk. But then we try to pointedly ignore the stares. 11

Identical male twins:

The following responses were reported by identical male twins:

"I think we probably enjoyed it! In retrospect our mother's custom

of dressing us identically makes us giggle a bit now; but at the time

it did not worry us at all. Since then being mistaken for each other

has led to a good deal of fun. 11

"We got used to it very easily and it never bothered us. Always a

talking point anyway. 11

"I thought it was quite amusing and did not feel embarrassed at all. 11

"I took it for granted. 11

"Embarrassed. 11

Fraternal twins:

36

The following responses from fraternal twins described feeling anxious,

embarrassed and uncomfortable when stared at. 11

... When stared at I sometimes felt anxious, not knowing whether I

was being scrutinised and compared. I don't like the feeling of

having to live up to expectations people may have of me.

Nowadays, however, I kind of enjoy the attention, perhaps because

I am more confident of myself and know that I don't have to be the

person others expect."

"Sometimes people would stare, and I think "why are you looking

at us like that?" Do we have two heads, are we green ..... ?

Sometimes I wish people would not stare so openly at us. It makes

me feel like a freak at a side show."

"In the seventh form Biology class we were used as an example in

genetics. This was slightly embarrassing as a class of approximately

20 looked at us with great interest..."

"I felt uncomfortable, for the most part, at being stared at as a twin.

There was one experience however which was quite funny. My

twin and I were walking down the street with a friend. A man

walking in the opposite direction saw me, then my twin who was

walking behind me. He did a double take as if he couldn't believe

his eyes."

Close siblings:

37

The majority of responses from close siblings reported being 'stared at

because they were often thought of as twins' shown in the following examples:

''I remember when I was about 5 years of age my mother dressed us

in identical outfits. I was quite happy when people asked us if we

were twins ... "

"We were often thought of as twins especially when young and

were dressed the same. Being stared at was not really a regular

occurrence."

"Because my mother usually dressed us the same we were often

asked if we were twins. I don't remember being bothered by it."

"As children we were thought to be twin boys by some people. This

hurt my feelings and made me feel (to this day) unattractive. We

socialise a great deal together and I like the idea that we resemble

each other. I have a great deal of affection for him and I enjoy

looking similar to him. 11

Other close siblings answered this question as follows:

"I felt good , I felt as if people looked at us and were surprised how

alike we looked - it felt special. 11

"People commented on how pretty we looked together. It didn't

worry me ... 11

(v) Feeling responsible.

38

Eighty three percent of identical twins, 17% of identical male twins, 50% of

fraternal twins and 79% of close siblings reported situations where they felt

responsible for their twin's/ sibling's feelings.

Identical female twins:

Following are responses from five pairs of identical female sisters who

described situations where they each felt responsible for their twin's feelings:

First pair:

"Whenever my sister did something embarrassing I felt as if it

reflected badly on me also. People tend to see you as a unit, and so

you fall into this kind of thinking. Or rather, you are aware of it,

and quite afraid that they might transfer their opinion of your sister

to yourself .. 11

"I find it difficult to remember specific situations. I do remember

feeling responsible for her action - I felt that I would be judged by

her, and would often explain or make excuses. I remember feeling

awfully embarrassed by the way my sister came across. 11

Second pair:

"I spent my childhood from the age of six worrying about my twin,

and she found it very annoying. I wanted to know she was all right

all the time and pestered her with enquznes which must have been

really intrusive. For some reason it was very important for me to

know she was feeling okay, happy etc. I wanted her to share her

feelings with me but she found it very irritating."

"When my sister became pregnant, I was filled with anxiety and

concern for her ... I didn't see how she could possibly cope with that

because the prospect filled me with fear! Not that I expressed my

anxiety in an up-front way - I became angry and critical instead."

Third pair:

"Being picked on at school, finishing up with boyfriends and

joining the same netball club but not getting in the same team."

"When we've both joined sports teams and one has been better

than the other. It is hard coping when you are asked why you didn't

make the same team. When we've broken up with a boyfriend we

feel sorry for each other. "

Fourth pair:

"This was very common especially when my sister was upset at

times, or when she was down, I used to take responsibility for

them! Also when she was yelled at, teased or whacked I felt it was

happening to me as I identified with her ... "

''Particularly growing up in my childhood. When my sister was

getting told off I would always stick up for her. My parents felt as

though we ganged up on them. One time she was getting a hiding

and I screamed and yelled because I felt the emotional pain."

Fifth pair:

"Giving advice in a certain situation and it was wrong. Knowing

that when I have a downer I pass it on telepathically."

"Sometimes when I ring my sister and I am down she will feel

down also."

39

Other responses where identical female twins reported feeling responsible for

their twin's feelings are as follows:

"Sometimes at school when you had to partner someone - if my

twin didn't have one I'd feel guilty because I did."

"One in particular - My twin was brought out to the front of the

class because she did not have a handkerchief so I went and brought

her back to her seat."

"When she got into trouble of any kind as a child."

Identical male twins:

40

Only one male identical twin reported feeling responsible for his brother's

feelings in the following situations:

"When my brother was announced the winner of a boxing final and

the next day was informed it was a mistake and when he

apparently, but not actually, failed a university exam."

Fraternal twins:

Responses to this question from two pair of fraternal twins are as follows:

First pair:

"As my twin is partially sighted, there have been instances where

people have asked me what is wrong with her ... I try and answer in

such a way that if it got back to my sister she would not feel hurt,

offended or angry at me. At school I would try and defend her

against any physical or verbal attacks which may hurt her feelings as

well as my own. "

"Arguments with our parents and situations where I had been

given something and my twin missed out."

Second pair:

"When my twin asked me to keep a secret, and I told it to Mum. I

felt responsible for her being told off I also felt guilty and pleased

that it was out in the open ... "

''School reports, marks from university. Also when she expected

me to hang around with her and I went elsewhere or when some of

our friends invited me out and not my sister."

Other fraternal twins described the following situations:

"When he was being punished for something, I felt punished too.

In this situation, more than any other, did I feel I had to help him

by feeling the hurt and humiliation for him."

''My twin is colour-blind and when younger we both enjoyed

colouring in and I usually took it upon myself to show him which

was green and brown, and blue from purple so the sky didn't end up

purple or the grass brown. Once when I wasn't paying attention he

coloured the sky purple. I felt guilty about that ever since, though

the picture probably looked fine to him."

11 At school when she was being told off Anyone being critical of her

and voicing it. "

Close siblings:

41

Responses to this question fro:rn three pairs of close siblings are described

below:

First pair:

"Post high school and latter high school years I was much more

aware of my sister's feelings. I would, if necessary, stand up and

protect my sister. I wouldn't listen to negative talk I would

positively espouse my sister if possible."

"I think I always felt some responsibility partly because he was a bit

younger, but I don't think there was any time when I felt more

responsibility than others for his feelings."

Second pair:

"Not stepping in to let my sister know of my disdain of her

relationship with a boyfriend early on, led us both to a great deal of

pain and anguish. "

"I have a strong instinct to protect my brother from others whom I

feel may not have the best intentions. I don't feel that he is as

perceptive as I tend to be of other people."

Third pair:

"When my sister separated from her husband and later divorced

him. This was never mentioned in our family ... "

"'When I was eleven my father died suddenly just before we were

due to go back to school.. .I remember seeking out my younger sister

for com fort. "

42

Additional responses from close siblings describing situations where they

have felt responsible for their close sibling's feelings are reported below:

''I was favoured by my father. I learnt to get his attention by

sulking, looking sad from an early age. Dad would come home and

go straight to me and ignore my brother who would run open­

armed to him. I felt responsible for making him unhappy in these

situations.

We went to the USA for one month. I was 13 he was 12. Staying

with a family I made friends with their daughter and she picked on

my brother and I sided with her ... that hurt him. Because I was the

oldest ... I felt had some bearing on him and his perspective of his

identity - he hated that."

"'I often feel responsible for my sister's feelings ... [ felt guilty when

our mother died that I didn't do more for my sister. Recently she

expressed to me that she would like to marry and have a family.

She is worried that it will never happen. Because it's something

that concerns me too, I feel the need to protect her and reassure her

that everything will be okay. I feel she is trapped at home to a

certain extent. I feel partly responsible because if I hadn't taken the

option of coming down here to study I could have been there to

help support her."

"A friend of my sister's has not kept contact with my sister but with

me and I felt strained in my sisters friends' company. They had a

good friendship , but fell out and I felt responsible for that."

"Being a twin my close sibling was often left out. She resented that

and I would sometimes feel guilty. 11

(vi) Personality differences and effect on development.

43

Ninety four percent of identical female twins, 66% of identical male twins,

90% of fraternal twins and all close siblings described personality differences

between them and their twin or close sibling.

Identical female twins:

The following are examples of personality differences from some identical

twin pairings:

First pair:

'' As a child I was always more cautious and shy, whilst my sister

was more forthright and aggressive. People picked up on these

differences and dichotomised us according to them. This meant it

limited our personality range - we were forced to play the 'shy' twin

or the 'aggressive' twin. I think in our struggle to have something

of our own identity we also stayed in our assigned roles. If I were to be forthright and aggressive I would feel that I was treading on my

sister's territory. Sometimes I felt stifled because of this - new

acquaintances were almost immediately informed that I was the

'shy' twin before I could prove otherwise. 11

"We are both very competitive but I feel that my sister has a

stubborn streak which I do not. I can remember during our

arguments and fights that I would be the twin to back down. I feel

that I have always been more mature because of experiencing this. I

have very good conflict resolution skills, I can see another person's

point of view and I can admit when I am wrong ... My sister still has

some work to do in this area. I have always had a get up and go

mentality - a team player, my sister has always been more of a

Second pair:

"I think my sister is more outgoing than I am, in social settings. She

enjoys meeting people and working in people-related jobs, whereas

I hate dealing with the public and will avoid it at all costs! I think I

have a healthier sense of my worth as a person - seem to have

grown up feeling certain of my parents' love for me, whereas she

didn't and still doesn't. We are both anxious in reference to our

children, although of course I like to think that she is more so than I

am."

"As a teen, my sister was outgoing and confident while I was shy

and reserved, particularly in groups of people. I always sat in the

corner at parties! Somewhere along the years we reversed roles and

I became outgoing and bouncy while my sister became quiet and

serious. The change in my sister's personality was something I

didn't feel very comfortable with, I thought she was faking it. The

sister I knew was loud and boisterous."

44

Examples from other identical twins describing differences in personalities are as

follows:

''My sister is 'laid back' - can't always be bothered. I will always

persevere. This led to a couldn't care less attitude ... I was more the

leader and she sort of developed in my shadow especially while at

school.

She has more of an outgoing personality, has a wider variety of

friends. We seem to complement each other on that aspect."

"My twin is the more dominant and outgoing and maybe · I was

always the one who followed and let her do all the things she

wanted - this was more so while we lived together."

Identical male twins:

The following responses were given by one pair of identical male twins:

''I think my brother tends to be more judgmental than I; and he has

at times been critical of me - perhaps more so than I have been of

him. Perhaps he had more reason!

I have occasionally wondered whether he was more intelligent than

I, but I have not dwelt on it or let it worry me, and our academic

results, for example, do not really suggest that it is true."

"My brother may be quicker to dislike people and make it clear - he

probably says the same about me. Perhaps he is or has been a little

more physically aggressive. He is of quicker wit, and more

humorous, more extrovert..."

Other identical male twins described:

''I have considered that my brother got upset more easily and angry

with other people more easily. 11

"My brother is more sensitive than me. 11

Fraternal twins:

Responses from one pair of female fraternal twins describing

personalities are as follows:

"I believe I am different from my twin, personality wise, in that she

is more ready to become angry ... Both of us are borderline introverts

who find it difficult it make friends, with my twin becoming more

shy as we have become older. I think our development has been

affected in that I have often relied on my sister for support , advice,

encouragement and seen her as protectior,, due to the fact that she

appeared more extroverted and secure than myself 11

"I am different from my twin ... I am more untidy in nature, but she

procrastinates more that I do. I am more talkative than

her ... Because we are twins we do have similar traits which are

evident ... 11

Additional responses from fraternal twins reported:

45

"My brother is a very outgoing person like myself, however I would

describe myself as introverted in the sense my brother has a strong

sense of humour and has, in my view become very adept in the

skills associated with social interaction and social etiquette. He is an

extrovert, and may be described as confident and relaxed. I am an

outgoing person too, but probably with a little less confidence

toward new people. I believe that my twin can communicate very

well with people in position of authority. I can't to the same extent.

But I don't feel that I am worse off in my development. I sincerely

believe that I place more emphasis on the feelings of others, and try

harder to understand and help people. I have been described as a

more 'true' person or 1real' person than my brother, by many."

"Both of us have very similar personalities to the extent, he has

chosen a partner, in very many ways similar to me. Our

personalities seem to be more similar as we have gotten older."

"My twin was definitely the dominant one - she still tends to be but

it doesn't work now. Looking back I was far too sensitive as to what

my twin said about me and took it to heart. I think I became more

withdrawn and couldn't be bothered competing with her. I became

more outgoing when we went our separate ways ... "

Close siblings:

46

Some of the responses describing personality differences from close

siblings are as follows:

First pair:

"Many people say we are like chalk and cheese. I am very tidy and

my sister has difficulty being tidy. My sister likes going out away

from home, like to bars etc and normally I am quite happy sitting at

home watching television. In recent times I have tried to push

myself to go out more and mix socially ... "

"Friends of ours and people who meet one of us after they've

known the other for some time refer to us as being 'chalk and

cheese', and I can understand what they mean. I know I came

across as more outgoing and my sister as more of a carer. I feel

though that she's becoming more outgoing and is changing as time

goes on and also I'm also developing the other side of my

personality too. I think sometimes I've tended to denigrate myself

as not as worthy/of value as her because she's always been quiet and

subdued - traits that seem to be more highly valued in a child ... I've

often judged myself negatively and feared I wasn't as 'nice' as her,

and felt driven to prove that I have good points and abilities ... 11

Second pair:

"I have very good organisational skills where she hasn't. 11

"She is more conservative, orderly, social, naive, sensible and

cautious. Sometimes she makes me feel I never measure up to her

ideals; I still tidy when she visits and make excuses for things not

finished or messy, but these things don't worry me so much with

others who come. 11

Third pair:

"My sister has always been reasonably withdrawn except around her

friends, whereas I'm the extrovert. Because of this she usually

ended up being better friends with my friends than I was."

"He is much more outgoing than I am. He is great at making

friends whereas I am shy and prefer other people to make the first

move."

Other examples of close sibling responses are described below:

"We are as different as chalk and cheese. My brother likes to show

off to friends, lives on credit, is untidy, wasteful and cares only for

himself ... "

"Our personalities are probably quite similar. As a child I was

bossier, maybe because I was older and any conflict we had as kids

47

probably came from her standing up for herself She is probably

more outgoing than me."

"I am calmer and more easy going. My brother is emotionally up

and down and there are no shades of grey."

"She is completely unadventurous, devoted to routine, hates to go

out of her own home, has a very limited range of cultural interests.

I am adventurous, always ready to try something knew, love to

travel, interested in the arts ... So our lives as adults have been

completely different."

(vii) Physical differences.

48

Seventy two percent of identical female twins, 33% of identical male

twins, 70% of fraternal twins and 82% of close siblings reported being aware of

physical differences between them and their twin or close sibling while growing

up.

Identical female twins:

The following are some of the responses from identical female twins

describing their physical differences while growing up as twins:

"I was always the fatter twin, although we were both plump, so we

both suffered a bit as teenagers. I was somewhat envious of her

slightly smaller size .... People would say they could tell the

difference between us ... this annoyed me .... "

"Yes the bigger of the two felt inferior and inadequate, but did not

let it affect the twin relationship."

"I wasn't aware of physical differences until we were 16. Then my

sister became very thin and I was suddenly much bigger. After a few

months I decided to be thin too and lost a lot of weight, but I always

perceived myself as bigger. In fact, wisdom tells me my bone

structure is bigger than my sister's so I will always be bigger, but the

fact that she is smaller and thinner than me has affected how I see

myself and think others see me. Because 'thin zs better', I think

people will prefer my sister to me ... 11

"Differences between identical twins creates greater insecurities ( at

least in me). For example, I have a bump in my nose which makes

it appear as if it has once been broken. I become extremely self­

conscious about this when we are compared. I don't feel this when

compared against my brother or friends. Weight fluctuations are

much more significant though. If I'm heavier than my twin then I

feel fat and ugly, when I'm lighter I feel self-confident..."

"Yes there were differences. I've never forgotten being an inch

taller than my twin at the age of seven. I was happy because I was

now different from my sister ... Puberty was the worst time. My sister

beat me at every stage - I hated it. There was a lot of anger at that

time, but we always remained close ... "

"I guess people do compare twins. My twin was a bit taller than I

and more solid. She was always seen as the bigger one which had a

major impact on her - she felt that she was the heavy twin ... 11

"I was always a bit taller than my twin and because of this and the

fact I was first born people always thought I looked older. As I look

back now I see that it did have an impact on my twin because she

saw herself as second all the time, not feeling her age and always

feeling younger."

Identical male twins:

49

Only two male identical twins, from separate pairings, reported physical

differences. One described his brother as slightly taller and wider. The other

twin said the only difference was that he was left handed.

Fraternal twins:

The following responses were given by some fraternal twins describing

physical differences:

"My sister was slim with wavy hair. I was plump with fine hair.

Maybe I envied her but it didn't affect our relationship."

"I am physically disabled as well as being shorter and smaller than

my twin. I am quite sure the extra attention given to me - if often

unintentional - made my twin feel jealous and left out ... "

"I was fatter than my sister up until about 18, this gave her great

scope for ridicule. 11

"My sister is more upper class looking i.e. taller and smaller. This

makes her appear older ... Also she uses my looks and calls me

derogatory names which has upset me many times. 11

Close siblings:

50

The following are some of the responses from close siblings describing

their physical differences while growing up.

Sibling sisters:

"We are physically very different. I have always felt very proud of

'my beautiful little sister'. I grew up not jealous at all, but may be

envious to a degree. 11

"Yes, my sister started to go out with friends before me. I felt left

out as we used to do things together ... 11

"I was always aware that I was a smaller build than my sister ... I

always even now never refer to her as my 'big' sister but rather

older sister as by saying 'big' I feel she thinks I'm referring to her

size when I'm actually not. It always makes me wonder where I got

my stature from ... I think it is neat having a taller, bigger sister as I

feel secure and protected when with her. 11

"I was and still am, an overweight person. My sister was slimmer

and a great deal shorter than me. At school I was teased ... all very

negative and not healthy for my self-esteem. I think in some ways

that my sister was the only thing I could manipulate and hurt in

the way that others hurt me and so I'd be mean to her. She'd pinch

and scratch, but I was better at more verbal emotional put downs.

I'd rubbish groups she liked, drawings she did and I believe I made

her feel uncomfortable. I'm really sorry for it now, but you can't

turn back the clock ... ff

Sibling brothers:

"Yes he was stronger than I was and when we wrestled together his

strength showed through. I always thought he was better than me. ff

Sibling brothers and sisters:

"I was aware he had olive skin, brown eyes and hair. He was good

looking and had a beautiful smile. I was fair with freckles and very

plain looking. Emotionally I felt unliked and unattractive. The fact

that he was a male, I envied! I felt he was lucky. I hated being

female. ff

"I was always conscious she was a girl; from a very early age I

considered it to be my duty to be protective and never to bully her. ff

"We were always very close physically ... This probably made us feel

emotionally more equal too. ff

"I was always taller than he but at 14 he shot up and was taller than

me. He became very strong and sometimes showed his strength in

violence. ff

"We were similar physically, actually too similar, and thus there

was no obvious boss. Therefore we fought and argued more

regularly and vehemently. ff

"My sister developed earlier than I did which caused a slight

separation with increasing awareness of ourselves and our

emotions during our early teen years. Mid to late teens we became

close again. ff

51

52 (viii) Role switching.

Seventy eight percent of identical female twins, 50% of identical male

twins, 30% of fraternal twins and 10% of close siblings reported experiences of

role switching as they were growing up.

Identical female twins:

Many of the role switching experiences reported by identical female twins

involved school. The following are some examples:

"This amuses me as I remember at High School my whole class had

detention after school and my sister sat in for me while I was

outside being a rat bag. Of course the teacher thought it was her

outside so obviously she got a talking to ... Anyway identical twins

have to test it out now and again. 11

"Sitting in each other's places at secondary school and completely

confusing the teacher seemed to give the feeling of power. 11

"I felt that we had an unspoken rule between us not to do this. I

believe that as a pair, we had a minor struggle to achieve separate

identities. To play at role swapping would undermine this effort.

The only incident I recall, occurred by accident. A teacher decided to

identify us one day by who was wearing a cardigan and who was

not. One of us got hot, the other cold, and the cardigan came off

and on accordingly. We were laughingly accused of playing games,

but we were completely innocent of that intention."

''We did swap classes at school. It was always mainly to please the

rest of the class. I feel that people tend to associate twins as having

fun ... Even now my sister hates it because she feels she's getting

mocked ... 11

Identical female twins, from separate pairings, reported role switching

occurring with boyfriends. A twin from one pairing wrote: "Only once did we

switch positions. The male concerned was unaware we had done so. 11 From the

second pairing a twin reported: "We did with boyfriends - even on the phone

you feel as if you merge into one at times. 11

53 Other examples of 'role switching' experiences reported by other identical

female twins are as follows:

''The most definite role change occurred at age 9 or 10. Before then I

was the assertive confident twin who had all the friends, was more

popular etc. Then it changed and my sister took on that role ... "

"Role switching did occur. My twin was more confident than I

during the later primary school years. She had a circle of friends

while I had few. She was definitely more popular at that time.

Then slowly the roles changed and I had the friends. I was the one

who decided what was to be done and how it was to be done. Role

switching was difficult to deal with regarding how others saw us.

People making comparisons between the introvert and extrovert

could hurt. There were many times where I smiled when I would

rather have died."

Identical male twins:

Experiences of role switching reported by male identical twins are reported

below:

"There must have been plenty of opportunities not taken. Once a

girl friend suspected we had swapped. We once swapped classes no

one noticed."

"We have, on occasions, swapped identities for fun; I don't think

any emotional experiences have been involved. In our youth some

girls were fooled, but if they really cared, they knew the difference."

"During serving in the army during WW2 when one of us received

defaulters parade for a fortnight we took turns in reporting without

any one realising."

Fraternal twins:

Fraternal twins reported 'role switching' occurring within the twinship.

One twin said:

"I knew that most of the time I was the one to tell my sister what to do, but

sometimes this would be reversed."

Another wrote:

''I have always been the one who has looked after my sister in

terms of what's going on, who is doing what etc ... But sometimes we

would swap roles ... "

Close siblings:

54

Close sibling females, from separate pairings, reported role switching

experiences involving males. A sibling, from one pairing, wrote:

"When my sister's fiance would call her on the phone I would carry

on the conversation for some time. He didn't know the difference."

A sibling from the second pairing wrote:

"On the phone we sounded identical hence we could get rid of each

other's pesky boyfriends etc. We often used to do it for fun too."

Role switching experiences reported by other close siblings are as follows:

"The only case I remember, occurred about 20 years ago when my

brother was on a visit from the North Island. He, my husband and I

had been invited to a party at the home of a friend of very long

standing whom my brother knew well. On the night, my husband

was ill so that he and I could not go. To my astonishment my

brother, always the leader, said he would not go alone. It was my

turn to be reassuring; I persuaded him to go and he thoroughly

enjoyed it."

"I've talked to friends of mine now and again about this type of

thing and generally it seems that in most of their families the older

one has been the 'protector' the 'carer' who did tasks like cooking

etc ... "

"When growing up I felt that I was relied on to do things around

the house while my sister seemed to get out of them by not being

around like when things such as doing dishes, cooking, cleaning

needed doing etc ... "

55

(ix) Unique experiences. Seventy eight percent of identical female twins, 50% of identical male

twins, 50% of fraternal twins and 48% of close siblings described some of the

unique experiences they have faced as a twin or close sibling.

Identical female twins:

twins:

Following are some unique experiences described by identical female

"Looking like someone else - being so similar - it was safe but also

stifling at times. People assuming we were the same could be

insulting and I feel inadequate sometimes(! still do if it comes up).

Having a best friend on tap at all times meant it didn't matter if

there were no other kids to play with. We often ganged up on

friends or our sisters, if one or other of us felt threatened. 11

''We were both married 13 months apart, and widowed almost

within one year of each other. It made me feel that somehow there

is a reason for all this. It is nice having my twin for myself again.

Not having to share a jealous husband. 11

"Sharing emotional feeling has been good. The bond of emotions

allowed me to feel when my twin was down or happy. More the

emotions of being upset were felt. My twin now experiences my

menstrual cycle symptoms. Often we carry each other's tiredness!

This is special and unique. I sure hope I don't experience and feel

her labour pains when she becomes pregnant one day!"

11 At high school, during an exam, a teacher made sure there were 2

or 3 seats between us. Everyone else in the lecture theatre had only

1 empty seat between. It was very humiliating as there was no

reason for her to suspect us of cheating.

My twin began to wear glasses before I did. I had an eye test at the

same time and because I wanted to wear glasses as well I said I

couldn't see when I could. The optician soon caught on and because

I confused him completely I actually hid an eyesight defect that I did

have. A year later I got my glasses."

''The most unique experience eventually led to the realisation that

we were an oddity. On our first day of school we stood in the door­

way whilst the teacher introduced us to the class. He then asked for

a volunteer to show us around and look after us during the first

week. We were met with a surge of little boys and girls with one

hand raised begging to do this. I only felt slight surprise about this

at first( after all most of the school experience was new to me), but

before too long I learned that nobody else received that kind of

attention. This placed a certain level of reserve on my

relationships. I felt they were based on my attraction as a twin, not

me."

"Having a sister (twin) everywhere you go, at school, to help each

other, somebody who knows how you tick, somebody who

understands.

Twins convention - felt such power!! To be amongst our own

species! Wonderfut felt at home.

Sharing a 21st, not everyone goes to the birthday of two people in

one night.

Mental awareness of the other, even though you're not together e.g.

of the other one's feelings."

"The most common one was being mistaken for each other.

Sometimes it was funny, other times embarrassing or it even made

us occasionally angry.

Having conversations without saying anything."

"My twin's children rushing inside to tell their mother their secrets

not realising it was me. Still sad about it as her children still

remember."

Identical male twins:

Responses from identical male twins are as follows:

56

"Throughout our lives we have run on parallel lines, although in

different schools and different islands. We have both been Heads of

History, Deputy Headmasters, with neither of us wishing to go any

further. We have often been mistaken for each other when in the

other's town and other places; this has led to a good deal of

amusement and fortunately not much embarrassment."

"The only thing I can think of is, it is not nice being an identical

twin as you are different."

"We were always dressed the same as children and always did the

same thing."

Fraternal twins:

57

The following responses described the unique experiences of fraternal

twins:

"In the mid thirties I was living at home with dad. My twin was

working in Wellington. There was a severe epidemic of measles.

Not having any of the childhood illnesses when growing up we

both became ill with measles at the same time. Of later years we

think to phone each other at the same time only to find the line

engaged. I feel I have a 'sixth' sense."

''With my brother being my special friend we shared many secrets -

things we couldn't or wouldn't tell anyone else. We have a trust in

one another that I don't share with anyone else. It is a very good

feeling having someone you can always turn to."

//Experiences such as having birthdays together, having experiments

conducted on us etc made me feel special and something different

from the ordinary. However this was not something I actively

sought out since I was quite happy to remain anonymous and

indeed in later years I never told anyone unless it specifically came

up ... ,,

"One day came out in very similar clothes, went back and came out

again with a similar outfit." 11 As a twin it has made me feel a special and unique individual who

shares half myself with another person, who is the closest person

on earth to me. When people ask me "What is it like being a

twin?" It is hard to explain because I have always been a twin, and

not knowing any other sort of relationship, I have to say that it is

like having a sister who was born a few minutes earlier than

myself, so we are close sisters. When some people see us walking

down the street together they do a double take to see if their eyes are

deceiving them in any way. Makes me realise that even though

twins are becoming more frequent we as twins are still a rare and

beautiful breed!!"

Close siblings:

58

Some of the responses to this question from close siblings are shown in

the following examples:

"While we both lived at home we considered ourselves more or

less a team and our reactions to outside stresses tended to draw us

closer together."

"When my twenty year old daughter died very suddenly I knew my

sister felt the loss very deeply as her family did too. My husband

died two years later and it was my sister I turned to for comfort. I

knew I could turn to her for help at any time, even now."

"Being as close as we are, some people have considered our

relationship as pathological, presumably based on their lack of

family. In one instance we were accused of being sexually involved

with each other by a person of our own age. Knowing she was in

the wrong she was addressed by both of us and informed of just

how it really was."

"Often I was asked what it was like having a brother so close in age.

I was always quite pleased that it was me they asked. My brother

and I are attention seekers and it seems on looking back that we

took turns with positive attention and negative attention so that

one of us was always free to console the other. He made me feel

important when I was consoling him. When he consoled me I felt

smug that we were together against our parents."

"We bought each other a copy of the same book for Xmas, not

knowing at the time. Four years ago we each bought a new car

(without telling each other in advance) of the same make and

model at the same time. We each wrote to the Salvation Army at

the same time and in the same terms (again without prior

consultation) to protest against that organisation's stand against

homosexuals. Such experiences reinforced the strength of the bond

between us. "

,I/When in groups on social outings etc, we formed the same ideas

about people or knew what each other's reactions would be. Made

me feel more confident in my ideas, or in voicing opinions

knowing that my sister would agree with me. 11

''Meeting and getting to know my sister's partner - positive

emotions. 11

(x) Effect on emotional experiences.

59

Fifty five percent of identical female twins, 50% of identical male twins,

50% of fraternal twins and 72% of dose siblings described ways that being a twin

or having a close sibling affected their emotional experiences.

Identical female twins:

A number of identical female twins reported that twinship had affected

their emotional experiences regarding other relationships. Following are

examples of their responses:

,I/It has affected us in the way we would always like to be close

together. We don't really need anybody else, even our husbands felt

that to a degree. They were always a bit wary when we were

together. We feel that we shouldn't live too close because we

wouldn't grow as individuals. Even the children feel they come

second best in a way."

"We had from an early age "total communication." It gave us a lot

of emotional security. It also stunted our emotional growth,

because we did not have to work on other relationships, we could

take it or leave it. It sometimes upsets us that other people are so

slow in understanding what we mean."

"The close relationship I have with my twin sister tended to shut

our mother out. I often wonder if my relationship with my mother

would have been closer if I hadn't been a twin."

'7 think being an identical twin gave me strength and solidarity but

also feelings of inadequacy and not matching her good looks, etc.

I'm pretty sure the closeness we had as kids was something I

expected to find in a partner relationship, but didn't succeed. Now

we have a funny relationship - sometimes close, sometimes distant,

lots of ambivalence. I still seek her approval for things in my life,

and can feel hurt by her judgments."

60

Reliance on the twinship, competition, comparison and separate identities were

described in other responses from identical female twins. They wrote:

"Well my twin dotes more on being a twin, more than what I do

only because I've had my husband around for 11 years and I've had

him to rely on. I think maybe I've had the rough end of the stick,

maybe not that bad but there have been times where I wish I was

just ~me' and not 'the twins'. Don't get me wrong as I wouldn't have

it any other way."

"This is hard as my twin is my only sibling. Maybe I relied on her

too much and found it harder in later life to adjust to being on my

own. It's lovely having someone always there to talk to and know

how you're feeling. When my husband was killed it was to her I

turned - and she seemed the only one who really understood what I

was going through."

HI cannot substantiate this at all, but I feel being an identical twin

creates a stronger sense of competition than if we were fraternal

twins. Our strengths and abilities were (are) so similar that there

was no real ownership of personal, "defining" abilities etc - so

instead we tussled over who was better ( even if it was only

insignificant amounts). Small performance differences made a big

impact on your self-esteem. 11

"Being identical has made me more determined that people realise

I have my own mind. I suppose in some way I quite enjoy the

amazement in people's voices when they realise I am an identical

twin. In some ways it is like growing up with a mirror at your side.

People tend to compare identical twins with one another more.

Somehow, not looking the same gives some security from this. I

have often felt like a freak in the circus. People ask you the most

outrageous questions. When I was younger, sometimes life was a

little easier if my twin was not about. I sometimes felt ( actually

probably often felt) that nobody was interested in the real me."

HYes definitely - I've found it always hard to be myself, when

identities and emotions are linked into someone else for years -

separated identities aren't usually developed if there has been a lack

of encouragement to do sol It's hard even now for me to be bold

and make discussion for myself in regard to stepping out and

visiting people. I lack the motivatio7!- to do so! But I'm learning to as we walk our separate paths. 11

Identical males twins:

The following responses were reported by identical male twins.

"Perhaps we did not feel the need of close male friends and made

less effort to make friends - though we tvere not conscious of any

shortage of friends."

''The only thing I can think of ( this might not be the same for my

61

twin) is that having an identical twin could be a check of doing

anything foolish or which might be justly criticised by the other."

"Didn't need anyone else in one's life as had twin brother to do

things with."

Fraternal twins:

62

The following responses from fraternal twins described ways that being a

twin affected their emotional experiences:

" .... As with all people, my emotions are my own, but I do find that

my twin type and I have closer emotional states at the same time,

than other members of my family."

"People who have known us a while continue to try and catch us

out, by putting the question II Are you really twins" in different

ways. We ignore them - they usually know the truth."

"Because we are fraternal, we have been accused of lying about

being twins many times and this gets me annoyed. Also when I

was young I used to get bored, so to get attention I started a rumour

that I was adopted as a twin for my sister, so she would always have

a friend - finally I felt terrible about it and told the truth."

"I think being fraternal twins would be less dramatic/traumatic

than being identical twins because in many cases people didn't

recognise us as twins, there was less of a novelty about us."

/II don't feel nearly as competitive toward my twin as I used to. I

am very proud of my brother and feel very happy when he achieves

and accomplishes things. I feel that I have spent too much time

comparing my life with his and wondering who is 'doing better.' I

have decided to place my energy into university while my twin has

chosen to work for a year or two and make money. When I look at

his situation, it appears that his life is 'rolling forward' while mine

ts m 'limbo.' This may or may not be the case. He certainly is

making big plans for the future, at the moment, I have none. I am

happy for him, but sometimes feel a mixture of sad and happy

feelings when he achieves, because, in a way, I feel that we are

separating."

Oose siblings:

63

Some of the responses to this question from close siblings are shown in

the following examples:

"I am very aware of how to make people feel secure and how not to

hurt people's feelings. This is from having maintained a close

relationship within my family. As a consequence I tend to be very

demanding of people I am close to. I read their insensitivities as

not wanting to give me affection. Perhaps I ought to realise that

other people are not as experienced as my family in the giving of

affection. 11

''Perhaps it was because I already had someone very close to give

me advice and support that I found it difficult to give emotional

allegiance to another person, hence the series of broken

engagements and reluctance to commit myself to marriage."

"In some ways I feel that I can relate better to men than women

because of the closeness we had. In other ways I feel resentful that I

was not allowed to do some things because I was a girl and

whatever it was, was a 'boy's thing'."

"Tends to be a sort of 'safety net', knowing that the other can share

what you feel."

"Being emotionally close we have an affect on each other when

faced with situations. We have learnt with and from each other

which has accelerated our emotional development and

consequently emotional experiences following."

ffMy relationship with my brother and parents may have clouded

my views of family relationships. I was envious of families and

siblings who were close as in being good friends with each other."

"I know I dislike telling my sister when I've been out with a new

man ..... I've felt a sense of competition between us in this regard.

Sometimes too, when I've felt hurt or upset, I've denied it, I didn't

want to let my sister see me in such weak moments."

"My sibling over the years - although having lost her lovely

daughter at 20 years and then 18 months later her husband died of

cancer. No one ever saw her cry - she uses that ridiculous saying

ffthoroughbreds don't cry". I feel embarrassed when I weep when in

her company. I went to stay with her the last anniversary of her

daughter passing and she told me she didn't think she could cry but

no one saw her."

PARENTS

64

Responses to the two questions in this section were not able to be listed

under their particular subgroups: identical female twins, identical male twins,

fraternal twins, and close siblings.

(i) Parental treatment.

Three distinct themes emerged from questions pertaining to parental

treatment and its emotional impact on twins and siblings.

1. Treated as individuals

Over half (61%) of identical twins reported their parents had treated them

as individuals. In this group several emphasised the emotional and lasting

impact on them as individuals and their twin relationship. Typical examples

included:

"Mum and Dad recognised our individuality. They respected our

individual personalities and never played one twin against the

other or favoured one twin over the other. I feel my parents'

treatment of us enhanced our twin relationship."

"Unlike other people who always treated us as one, Mum and Dad

treated us as individuals and never compared us, one against the

other1 We are a close family and individual. 11

65

Being treated as individuals facilitated a sense of individuality, identity,

self worth and emotional security for twins. They recalled feeling special, lucky,

proud, and expressed enjoyment.

In comparison 17% of identical male twins and 11% of siblings reported

being treated as individuals by their parents. This treatment experience did not

emerge in the responses of fraternal twins. Identical male twins who had

experienced individual treatment reported feeling happy and encouraged by the

experience. Siblings did not report any emotional responses.

2. Treated the same.

Although this theme emerged in the responses of twins and siblings there

were marked differences in the reported emotional impact and feelings that such

treatment experiences elicited from the two groups. For example, while a

number of fraternal twins and close siblings indicated that being treated the same

by their parents had enriched them as individuals and fostered independence,

their responses did not indicate an emotional impact.

In contrast, for identical twins being treated the same by parents, appeared

to be a point of considerable stress. In this group similar treatment experiences

such as being made to dress the same, attending the same school and sharing

bedrooms evoked feelings of anger, frustration and resentfulness. Many twins

reported how this treatment experience had not only served to perpetuate

dependency on each other and competition between each other it had also

threatened their feelings of individual self worth. The following examples

illustrate the impact of such treatment experiences:

"My parents treated us as a unit rather than individuals1 which

threatened my feelings of individuality, I felt unloved, that I didn't

get enough attention. 11

/l'We were treated fairly but if success came one of our ways nothing

was made of it."

''I felt that I never had my own identity or that I even mattered or

counted as an individual."

3. Differential treatment

66

This theme came out in the responses of close siblings only and impacted

on them in a way that closely paralleled the impact that similar treatment

experiences had on identical twins. Many of the siblings in this group reported

that differential treatment had affected their sense of self worth and self esteem

leaving them feeling insecure, unhappy and resentful. One close sibling

reported always having to prove herself because she didn't feel good enough.

Differential treatment from parents affected the perception these siblings had of

themselves and how they related to other people. One close sibling reported:

"I feel less capable/praiseworthy than my brother. I am constantly

looking for approval or recognition from others because I am

unsure at how capable and worthy I am."

Another said " I feel insecure as a person especially in close relationships."

For others the quality of sibling and/ or sibling parent relationship had

been affected by differential treatment. Differences in temperaments and ages

between siblings were considered to have created relationship difficulties causing

them to feel competitive between each other and having to stick up for

themselves. A 66 year old lady reported that her mother had hated her because

she was a girl.

"There was a tradition in my mothers forebears that girls, daughters

and grandmothers, were not acceptable ..... My mother abused me in

many ways- physically, emotionally and psychologically. My

brothers followed her lead and all have continued to be abusive"

Responses from two siblings indicated they had experienced differential

treatment described as a consequence of being the middle child while others felt

that gender differences accounted for their parental treatment experience.

(ii) Parental role.

Responses to the questionnaire indicated that parental role contributed,

both positively and negatively, to the emotional experiences of twins and close

67 siblings.

(a) Positive experiences:

Identical twins, from the same pairing, reported that their parents had

allowed them to develop naturally and made them feel important. A male

identical twin said he had a happy childhood. One twin, from a fraternal pair,

commented that she had never felt ashamed or guilty about being a twin and

attributed this to her parents who never put them down or criticised her in any

way for being a twin. She said that there had only been joy and happiness." The

other twin from this pair wrote that her parents had shaped not only her beliefs,

ideas, attitudes, but also her emotions.

Siblings, from separate pairings, had lost their fathers at a young age. One

reported that her mother had been a good role model. The other sibling

described loving her mother more as the years went by.

(b) Negative experiences:

One identical female wrote: #My parents tried to force our emotions apart

because we were shy and could not do without each other." This left them

feeling misunderstood by their parents. One male pair of identical twins, in their

60's, told how their mother never got over their birth and had turned against

their Dad. She left home when they were 12 years old. One of the pair wrote:

"We were brought up with little love even though our Dad did his best."

One female fraternal twin expressed resentment at being raised in a sexist

unit with the expectation of behaving like a 'little lady.' She said:

"I fought against it and the stereotypes I was confronted with.

I was very much a tomboy until puberty years."

A close sibling reported feeling insecure especially in relationships.

Another sibling felt lazy and unmotivated to do anything when she was with

her father. She, wrote that her mother pushed her, teaching her to develop

herself emotionally. The negative experience of another sibling was described.

He said:

"I never felt I was worth anything and that I didn't deserve

birthday parties or having other people go out of their way

for me.N

Another sibling reported that she never felt she lived up to her parents

expectations even though she topped her class during most of her years at school.

68

SCHOOL.

(i) a. Same school/same class? The percentage of twins and close siblings who reported that they had

attended the same school or schools and had been in the same class or classes

during their school years are reported in table below.

Subjects Identical twins Fraternal twins Oose siblings

Same schools

Same class/ classes

female male (n=18) (n=6)

% %

100

100

100

100

(n=10)

%

100

88

(n=29)

%

100

17

Table 1. Percentage of twins and close siblings reporting attending the same school(s) and being in the same class or classes during their school years.

b. Separate schools/separate classes.

Identical female twins:

Two pairs of identical female twins reported separation was voluntary and

they were grateful for the opportunity. One twin, from one of the pairings

described:

"Separating at the start of high school gave us the chance to make

new friends and experience school life differently. It also afforded

us the chance to learn to cope by ourselves in preparation for the

work force. "

For the majority of identical female twins separation was not voluntary.

Those who were forced to separate, either by parents or school authorities

reported feeling distressed, distraught, annoyed, awful, and miserable. As one

69 twin said:

"At standard two level we were separated and I became so distressed

my twin was returned in less than a week."

Another twin reported being put up a class simply to 'separate the twins' and

remembers feeling an uncertainty that she had never felt before. The experience

of being forced to separate during primary school made another twin adamant

that it was not going to happen again. She said:

"There would have been hell to pay if separate high schools were

suggested after all, who would have been the one to be cast out?"

For one pair, in their 3rd form year, the idea of being in different classes

was anathema. One of them wrote:

"We couldn't conceive of being in different classes, especially when

doing something new and scary (i.e. starting high school). By the

4th form we were ready to be separate ... [ think it was liberating for

both of us . "

The belief that their twin was brighter than they were was another aspect

of involuntary separation reported by a number of twins. For one twin in this

group the realisation that this was not the case came in her 6th form year when

she had the same form teacher as her sister. She said:

"I was a lot happier with this and it gave me some confidence back,

but I will never forget the pain of separation in my 3rd form year."

For two pairs of identical female twins the first separation came with a

change of subjects in their 5th form year. A twin from one pair commented that

they needed the support of each other until this stage. That they would not have

done so well if separated before this time, was reported by a twin from the other

pairing.

Identical male twins:

For the majority of identical males being in the same class was not a

problem. They described: "didn't mind", "ok", "didn't worry", "we enjoyed the

experience".

The twin of one pair commented about his experience of being placed in a

different English class to his twin brother:

"Perhaps this experience gave me the idea that he might have been

brighter as he was in a higher school cert class; however, my results

before that and subsequent didn't bear it out."

70 Fraternal twins:

Separation for one fraternal pair was described as involuntary. At the

request of her parents, one of this pair was moved into another class. She said it

had been difficult for her to make new friends. Further commented that since

that time, separation from her twin had not been such a strain emotionally.

Fraternal twins who did not state whether separation was voluntary or

involuntary did describe how they felt when sharing a classroom with their

twin. Some of these responses were as follows:

"For me being in the same class meant several things, there was

always a playmate/study mate to turn to for friendship or advice, yet

it also meant there was always someone to tell tales about me to my

parents and this often happened. 11

"When in the same classes we always found life easy as we could

use each other to help to understand work. "

"In retrospect it would have been better to go to separate schools

especially in the senior years but that wasn't done in those days."

One fraternal twin attended the same primary and intermediate school

with his twin brother but did not share the same class. He said of this experience:

"I am glad that we had a certain amount of distance during school. I

feel that this has saved me a lot of anxiety from having our

performance compared. I do, however, regret the distance that we

had between us in school. We have had, since most of our

childhood, completely separate social groups. Over the course of

time, the differences between the two of us have become less

important, while the differences between our peer group have

become more important. 11

Close siblings:

A few siblings who had shared a class or classes with their close siblings

reported that they did not mind and that it seemed normal. One said: ''I don't

think it bothered me. We h~d our own separate group of friends in the

classroom." One female sibling, was put into the same class as her brother

although he began school ahead of her. She wrote: "I always expected to be with

71 him; it felt safer that way." Another sibling enjoyed sharing a class with her

brother and felt sad when they were separated. She wrote:

"I was sent to boarding school when I was 7 years old for one year.

Mum told me later it was because my brother was overshadowing

me and we were fighting too much. I felt guilty and in some way

responsible. My brother was sent to boarding school when he

turned eleven. Mum said he was too dominating for us all ... I feel

responsible because he and I were always fighting. I missed him

though he would write some neat letters to me."

One sibling reported that separation because of not being in the same class,

had no effect on her emotions or learning. Another wrote: "I never felt

separated as he ( close sibling) is a year younger." Other siblings reported that

separate classes allowed them to establish their own identity and group of

friends.

(ii) Difficult school experiences.

Identical female twins:

Seventy seven percent of identical female twins, 33% identical male twins,

60% of fraternal twins and 58% of close siblings reported difficult school

experiences.

Being referred to as 'the twins' by teachers, not being recognised as

individuals, and being compared, were reported by some identical female twins

as difficult school experiences. These experiences left one twin feeling annoyed

and frustrated while another twin described feeling jealous and rebellious at

times. Difficult experiences resulted in another twin withdrawing at high

school. She wrote: #It is amazing that these mature(?) adults couldn't see what

damage they were doing"

For a number of twins the attention some twins were given at school was

difficult. They felt they were only known as 'twins' and not as individuals.

Other twins reported feeling everyone was ganging up on them.

The experience of peers not coping with the closeness of twins was

identified. As one twin stated:

72 ✓✓suddenly at high school it was completely uncool to associate with

us just because we were twins. People assume that we felt

ourselves to be something special because we were twins. This was

completely untrue, and it felt so unfair to be judged on someone

else's misperception about yourself without getting to know the

person. This served to reinforce some insecurities about people

seeing the /twin/ rather than the real you and made me resent being

a twin.//

For some identical female twins making friends, being asked to wear

name badges, coloured ribbons and different hairstyles were difficult. One

reported:

✓✓we hated it. I always felt that if people wanted to know me then

they would learn to recognise me - it wasn/t that difficult. I couldn/t

understand how people who saw mefive days a week couldn/t tell

who I was when relatives who saw me less frequently had no

problems!'/

Another twin described feeling quite jealous at times when her sister went

out with other friends. She wrote: //I felt that she should have only needed me.//

Another twin reported feeling like an intruder when she was with her twin and

her twin's friends.

Identical male twins:

Two male identical twins, from separate pairings reported difficult school

experiences. For the first pairing, one twin described coming up against his

brother in a boxing match at a tournament at prep school as difficult. He said:

//People expected that we would pal each other but we didn /ti I won,

probably because he thought I was a better boxer than he was. "

A twin from the other pairing described having to share books with his

twin brother, as a difficult experience at high school.

Fraternal twins:

Comparison, popularity and competition between twins were described

in the responses of fraternal twins regarding difficult school experiences. Some

examples are as follows:

'Teachers could not resist the temptation to compare us - as you can

probably tell that riled me!"

"I was called 'one of the twins' by a teacher instead of my name - it

didn't make me feel very needed!"

"He (twin brother) was more outgoing and popular at school. I

sometimes felt in his shadow and people tended to expect the same

from me." "The most difficult experiences would have been so

much competition and the inadequate feelings I had if I didn't

reach the set standards."

Close siblings:

73

A female sibling described feeling stupid, resentful, and jealous because

she struggled with nearly every subject at school while her brother excelled.

Another female reported feeling less intelligent than her sibling. At primary

school in front of the class her teacher said: " Your sister doesn't do that" or

"Your sister would know that." Another close sibling expressed her difficult

school experience this way:

"My sister was brighter than me or so I thought and my math

teacher kept saying "your sister can do it easily!" Maths was my

weakest subject. I got detention when I slammed my book closed

and said "I'm not (my sister)." I was so offended. It happened so

regularly. I quit school and got a job, I never told Mum till years

later why I left school in such a hurry."

Other siblings reported friendships as difficult experiences. One disclosed

that as a close sibling he did not really have many problems regarding school but

did fight over his sibling friends which left him feeling jealous. A female sibling

described having arguments with her sister at school and being ganged up on by

her sister and her friends. She reported feeling low.

Teasing and name calling were also reported as difficult school experiences

for siblings close in age. One sibling wrote: "I often wondered (but never asked

her) what it was like to be the fat little girl's sister"

74 Another female sibling reported feeling lonely, unhappy, and depressed

because she had not played with girls before she started school. She wrote:

"I didn't know how to play with girls. I couldn't understand the way

they behaved. I was not acceptable ... My brother was popular with

everyone.

Male close siblings reported additional difficult experiences. One said he

felt lonely, but also grown up because during his school years he used to arrive

home earlier than his sister or parents. Another reported that when his sibling

made a mistake he would cop it also. Going out alone to a birthday party was

described as a difficult experience for another close sibling. He wrote:

"I can remember we always got invited to the same birthday parties

and one time we had two on the same day so it was decided I would

go to one and my sister would go to the other. I remember being

totally lost and hating every minute of it because she wasn't there

and the only children I knew were boys in my class. It's the only

time I remember feeling lost."

(iii) Memorable school experiences.

Fifty six percent of identical female twins, 33% of identical male twins,

50% of fraternal twins and 79% of close siblings reported memorable school

experiences.

Identical female twins:

One identical female twin reported the following:

"I remember one sports afternoon at high school I was standing

with some friends and my sister's boyfriend came running up

behind me and gave me a kiss. His face went scarlet when he

realised he had kissed the wrong one. "

Another twin remembers defending her twin at high school against some

unpleasant remarks levelled at her. Unable to listen to them any longer she

marched up to the person concerned and slapped his face telling him to keep his

comments to himself. She wrote:

"I was very shy and lacked confidence, yet my feelings for my sister

were so powerful...My loyalty to her was and still is very strong. Lo

and behold anyone who hurts my sister!"

75 Playing in the same sports team for one twin, meant that she felt joyful

when one twin achieved and sorrowful when the other missed out.

Companionship, sharing friends and having friends who treated them as

individuals were also recalled as memorable experiences by some twins. For

another, however, having different friends was a memorable school experience.

She recalled feelings of superiority being attached to this.

Identical male twins:

One identical male twin reported gaining similar exam marks to his twin,

thinking like and doing the same things his twin did, as memorable school

experiences. Shared experiences were also recalled as memorable for another

identical male twin. He wrote:

HBeing in rugby and cricket teams together; being school prefects

together were memorable. The fact that our Housemaster knew us

so little that he tossed up to decide who would be Head of House,

surprised us. When it came time for our second year as school

prefects and my brother refused my suggestion that he relinquish

his position to me (he had won the toss) did not surprise me."

Fraternal twins:

When asked to recall the most memorable experiences during school years

fraternal twins described feeling happy, important, famous, special, proud and

frightened. The following examples were reported:

;;I was proud of my sister for always winning the handwriting

prize ... "

;,Standing up for my twin at primary school when she was being

bullied made me feel proud."

HA teacher claimed twins were telepathic and conducted an

unscientific experiment on us. I never liked being the centre of

attention and I found the situation somewhat difficult. For a while

the experiments showed significant results and the class became

excited. The pressure was on us to pe1form."

Close siblings:

Memorable school experiences elicited feeling proud, important and good,

76 attached to academic and sporting achievements. Other memorable experiences

left twins, from separate pairings, feeling resentful. For one of them this

occurred when at age nine the behaviour of her close sibling brother changed

toward her from peacemaker to being aggressive and controlling. The other twin

wrote of her experience:

"One Saturday morning when my brother and I were in town we

met one of the teachers from my all girls school. On the Monday

she gave me lines saying, "that will give you something else to do

in your spare time." I thought she was referring to my being in

town! Though I resented it, I accepted it as part of the

incomprehensible behaviour of adults with unknown rules I was

always unwittingly transgressing."

Other memorable school experiences were recalled but no emotion was

reported. These included: smoking with close sibling and his friends down by

the pool during school lunch breaks; rebelling at school; having a sister who

would stick up for me; being chosen to do a reading on Arbour day; receiving a

letter from the Queen for a project done by my close sibling and myself.

(iv) Competition.

Fifty six percent of identical female twins, 60% of fraternal twins and 34%

of close siblings reported common experiences of competition occurring during

their school years. The responses from male identical twins did not indicate

experiences of school competition.

Common areas of competition emerged in the responses of twins and close

siblings.

(a) Academic

Identical female twins:

Competing academically was reported by the majority of identical female

twins who described experiences of competition. Several described the effect

these experiences had on them as individuals. They recalled feeling like a

failure, worthless, annoyed, envious, and hurt. For example, one twin said:

''I remember my twin winning the English prize in the 3rd form.

That hurt! I felt that everyone knew she was brighter than me.

Being in a class of mixed ability didn't do a lot for me. I felt my

sister was the one who was always expected to get A's and I would

77 get B's and C's. One typing teacher in particular played one twin

against the other. What she couldn't see was that instead of making

us work to the highest level the one doing well slowed down. I

couldn't intentionally hurt my twin. I think in a lot of ways I never

worked to my full potential and became less confident in myself"

The experience of another twin, although similar, emphasizes the effect

that academic competition can have on a twin relationship:

"We were competitive - I don't know whether it was a natural

development or something triggered by others in its initial stage. It

caused many arguments and low self esteem at times. Some people

deliberately established a state of competition but in the end I

believe we both rebelled by failing in our 7th form year. For us it

was our way of saying we'd had enough. 11

Fraternal twins:

The majority (50%) of fraternal twins reported academic competition

during their school years. These twins describing feelings of failure, jealousy,

regret, and annoyance but stated that they did not impact on their twin

relationship; disclosed in the following examples:

"The rivalry was good natured although I was sometimes upset if

my twin got a better mark than I did. 11 ''If my sister got a better

mark I would stew over it for a day or so then forget about it... I

think competition strengthened our relationship."

The effect of academic competition, for one male fraternal, was described as:

''I didn't have the same enthusiasm for school that he did, so my

grades were inevitably lower. This depressed me, and I decided that

I was a failure at school and wondered if the same would be true in

other aspects of my life. I spent most of my adolescent life

attempting to prove myself to my self. .. 11

Close siblings:

Ten percent of close siblings reported academic competition. One close

sibling described the effect this experience had on her as an individual. She said:

"Sometimes I felt as though I had failed as my sister was always able

to get on well academically whereas I wasn't. 11

Two other close siblings reported the impact that academic competition

had on their sibling relationship. One wrote:

78 ''People often expected my sister to be as intelligent as me and to

also excel academically. This put a strain on us ... "

Another wrote: "When he (my brother) passed School Cert and I failed I hated

him for it."

(b) Friends

Identical female twins:

Competition between one twin pair for boyfriends affected the twin

relationship. As one of the pair said: "Our sense of competition must have

eroded away some of our trust and sisterhood."

Close siblings:

Competing for friends affected the way one sibling felt about herself. She

said:

"When he (close sibling) spent time with our friends, without me

around, I used to get extremely jealous and felt left out."

Additional areas of competition were also reported.

(c) Other

Identical female twins:

A small number of identical female twins reported that they competed

with their twin in terms of appearance, i.e. how fat/ thin/beautiful or ugly they

felt by comparison.

Close siblin&s:

Other experiences of competition expressed by siblings disclosed the

impact on sibling relationships. For example. one sibling reported feeling

alienated from her close sibling brother. She said:

''I would goof off something terrible to distract his concentration. If

he was teaching me 'Chess' I would act dumb and give up. He

hated that and would be terribly frustrated. 11

A male sibling described strong competition occurring between his close sibling

sister and himself which brought them into a closer relationship. Long term

effects were reported by another. She wrote:

"Competition still has ramifications on our relationship ... Last year,

for example, we both went for golf lessons ... One Saturday we went

out for a game and I was irritated by the whole thing cos to me it

was a waste of time, whereas my sister enjoyed it as she was good at

it. I voiced my feelings and she suddenly turned on me and said,

"You were always good at school and successful. I didn't stop you so

why are you so nasty now I've found something I can be good at."

Competition still goes on I guess."

(v) Second - best.

79

Thirty nine percent of identical female twins, 33% of identical male twins,

60% of fraternal twins and 21% of close siblings reported experiencing being

second-best during their school years. School work and friends were themes

which emerged in the responses from twins and close siblings. However, these

themes will not be treated under separate headings for the reason that they were,

in many cases, mentioned simultaneously in some responses.

Identical female twins:

Second-best experiences for identical females involving both school work

and friends left one feeling left out and others with feelings of envy and

annoyance. One twin who reported feeling second best in both these areas

described the latter experience: .

"My sister always passed English while I struggled and failed. I felt

there was a mental barrier - even today it is my worst subject. I feel

as though she has taken all the English theory."

One twin who reported feeling second-best to her twin in terms of

boyfriends described feeling less desirable, less skilled and less skilled at

relationships than her twin sister.

The emotions of another twin who expressed experiencing being second-

best were not described. However, she wrote:

'' All these experiences made life more difficult to deal with,

particularly in high school. When you are younger you are not

really aware of what is happening. At high school though life was

not a breeze and adolescence didn't make it any easier. I sometimes

wonder if people really knew we were people, not exhibits."

Identical male twins:

Two male identical twins from separate pairings responded to the

question regarding experiences of being second-best. One reported that he had

always been second-best to his brother at school and had found this difficult. The

other wrote, ''To be second-best, if I was, did not worry me."

80 Fraternal twins:

Feeling jealous and envious was reported by one twin because her sister

had gained a higher mark. She also wrote of feeling proud that her sister had

gained this recognition and stated "The feeling of second-best didn't last very

long."

Twins from separate pairings reported feeling second-best during their

early school years. One twin reported that this led to a loss of confidence for her

in the second form. A twin from the other pairing felt that being second-best had

affected his performance at school. He described how his brother had attained

higher grades and had more friends than he did. However, these feelings passed,

for both these twins, when they each attended separate high schools from their

twin.

Another twin described feelings of guilt, regret and sadness for her twin

sister who was second-best. She commented: ''I also feel that because my sister

wasn't getting anything that I didn't deserve to either."

A fraternal twin who reported being second-best at school did not describe

the experience(s) but reported feeling jealous, envious and resentful.

Close siblings:

One female sibling recalled an experience where she was humiliated in

front of her class because she was not as smart as her sister. Another female

sibling's feeling of second-best related to the fact that she had to work hard and

never achieved, whereas her sister always came top and didn't have to work

hard. Coming second-best for another sibling evoked feelings of jealousy and

inadequacy. She wrote:

"No one ever talked about my abilities, only my brother's and how

scholastic he was - how brainy he was. Resentment was a strong

and ever present feeling I held for him."

However, this sibling also reported feeling admiration underneath it all.

The long-term effects from experiences of being second-best were reported

by another female sibling:

"I have felt this way for as long as I can remember and have

recently sought counselling to overcome depression because of self­

esteem related problems. I do not, despite assurances from people,

feel particularly special. I think I needed more praise or more

attention or something."

81 Although one sibling reported experiences of second-best during her

school years she described feeling happy with her sister,s achievements.

ADOLESCENCE

(i) Puberty. Twenty four percent identical female twins, 30% of fraternal twins and

13% of close siblings reported the emotional impact of puberty. There were no

responses to this question by male identical twins.

Identical female twins:

Confusion, anger, uncertainty and depression were described by the twins

as they recounted the effects of puberty on them as individuals and their twin

relationship. Two identical female twins from separate pairings described how

their first menstruation had come at different times creating an emotional

distance between them. From one pairing, a twin reported a change in their

shared experience, the other expressed feeling different from her twin. Another

pair of identical female twins attempted to rebel against their sameness.

However, despite their efforts they described finding themselves liking and

doing the same things, leaving them feeling confused. They acknowledged they

were very close but stated that at this time they had endeavoured to draw apart

and establish their own identities. In contrast, a twin in her 30's described

having to experience puberty as an individual, separate from her twin, which

was an emotional experience and a significant time in her life. She wrote:

"For me it was a very confusing, stressful time, and I'd never want

to go through it again. "

For another pair of identical female twins puberty had been a positive

experience who "thanked their lucky stars they were always together and could

share with each other the nice and rotten things." One of the pair felt their

relationship was a very happy and adjusted one and attributed this to

experiencing the same feelings.

Fraternal twins:

A fraternal male twin reported puberty as time of emotional upheaval.

He said:

"I had to spend a long time coming to grips with feelings of anger,

uncertainty and depression. School was still relatively competitive,

but we also began to compare our height, and physical

characteristics."

A female fraternal twin wrote:

✓✓The puberty years distanced us from each other somewhat. It was

no longer acceptable for me to be a tomboy, and he no longer

wanted a girl to hang round with him and his friends. 11

Another female reported:

"I came to realise that my sister was feeling and thinking the same

as I was so in a way we became closer. 11

Close siblings:

82

For siblings the feelings aroused by 'puberty experiences' differed

markedly from those experienced by twins. One sibling reported feeling

embarrassed and dirty about her body which evoked in her feelings of

resentment and disgust towards her close sibling brother. She wrote: "I felt

being female was lousy and being born a boy would have been much better."

Embarrassment was reported by another female because her brother had

witnessed her first period. A male sibling described feeling worried about his

sister during this time of adolescence. He wrote: "My somewhat unwholesome

friends started to take an unhealthy interest in her."

Additional sibling responses described puberty as a time when their close

relationship had grown stronger. Typical responses included: sharing friends,

confiding in each other and going out socially. Other siblings described growing

apart from their sibling at this time reporting that they "had less time" and "less

in common with each other."

(ii) Separate identities.

Three quarters of identical female twins, 33.3% of fraternal twins and

17.2% of siblings reported making attempts to establish a separate identity during

adolescence. Identical male twins did not respond to this question.

Identical female twins:

Wearing different clothes and hairstyles, making different friends, going

separate ways socially and separate bedrooms were some of the ways identical

83 twins achieved their individual status. However for some identical female

twins there were difficulties when attempting to establish a separate identity.

One twin wrote:

"This question was a major one for myself. My twin wanted to go

her own separate way socially but we had the same set of friends.

She would tell me to find my own friends. I guess I was very

insecure and my twin pulled away into her separate identity at an

earlier age. I am still having problems in some related areas now -

perhaps I felt so rejected from my earlier experiences."

Dressing differently caused a lot of arguments for another twin. Another

twin reported that the only way to become separate was to mentally push her

twin away. Not wishing to be seen as one of 'the twins' was a difficulty. This

twin wrote:''Some people didn't even bother to learn our names because it was

too difficult - that hurt!"

Fraternal twins:

A fraternal twin sought to establish her own identity by attending a

different high school from her brother. She said:

"I eagerly sought to establish my own identity instead of being one of the twins'

or even his sister. Eventually this led to an increase in my self confidence and

feelings of self-worth ... "

Another twin reported that she would tell people she was adopted so she would

be seen as ah individual.

Close siblings:

Attempts by close siblings to establish their own identity included such

things as moving away from the family or behaving differently from the way

their close sibling behaved at that time. One 28 year old, started swearing so she

could be seen as different from her close sibling sister. Her response indicated

that this behaviour change was permanent: She said: "I acquired a rather vile

habit of swearing which unfortunately is still part of me." Another sibling

described wanting to appear more virtuous, wholesome and morally correct than

her close sibling brother.

(iii) Positive experiences Eighty three percent of identical female twins, 50% of identical male twins,

60% of fraternal twins and 62% of close siblings reported positive experiences

84 during adolescence.

Identical female twins:

Identical female twins reported being on the same wavelength,

interpreting each others words and actions, and helping each other out in

difficult times. Twins from two separate pairings stated "we were always there

for each other and always will be." A twin from one of the pairings wrote: "It is

the most positive experience anyone could have." Another twin related the

sharing aspect of her positive adolescent experiences this way:

"As a twin I have always had my best friend at my side .... Together

we could brave most things. We had unconditional love for each

other."

Experiencing protection at school, sharing birthdays and changes in

physical maturation were some of the additional written responses. The

described emotions were feeling secure, trusted, loved, comforted, and proud.

One twin reported that she was never left out. Another twin reported sharing

experiences with her twin but not sharing emotions.

Identical male twins:

The responses from male identical twins indicated that all reported

'sharing' to be a positive experience during adolescence. However, their feelings

were not described. The twins recalled doing things together, for example,

building and flying model aeroplanes and dating.

Fraternal twins:

The responses from fraternal twins also indicated the importance of

sharing as a positive experience during adolescence. Attending social

engagements together, helping each other study and companionship were

recalled. They recalled feeling happy, good, trusted and confident. A 19 year old

male twin wrote:

"I feel overall I have established a closer relationship with my twin

(brother) .... When we talk, it is often of a closer nature, and there is a

huge amount of trust and confidence between us. I do not, nor

could not have the same trust in my older brother, though we do

have a good relationship."

Close Siblings:

For the majority of close siblings, sharing friends was reported as a

positive experience. Close siblings reported that friendships induced positive

85 emotion, instilled confidence and gave them more things in common. Other

positive sibling experiences recorded were sharing each others achievements,

being united after a period of separation, having one's appearance affirmed.

Feelings of unity, belonging, appreciation and pride were also described.

(iv) Friction experiences.

Thirty three per cent of identical female twins, 61% of identical male

twins, 70% of fraternal twins and 93% of close siblings recalled experiences of

friction occurring during adolescence.

Identical female twins:

The responses identified common areas of friction between identical

female twins during adolescence to be clothes, shared bedrooms and friends

which are identified in the following examples:

"Perhaps about clothes. We both wanted to wear each other's clothes so it

became who was up earliest had the best pick ... "

"Choosing clothes that were the same caused quite a bit of friction

and arguments ... A lot of needless and irrational accusations flew

around during the teen years. "

-✓ Angry, antagonistic, indignant. My sister would try to lay down

the law to me. We shared a bedroom and she started saying to me

~would you come to bed now please' ... "

"Argued a lot because always around each other, shared a room - at

times I felt like screaming."

"The boy thing was the main one I recall, both liking the same boy

and him always going out with my sister, not me."

Additional friction experiences reported by identical female twins

included blackmail, untidiness, attending the same school and being in the same

class.

Identical male twins:

Male identical twins described fighting and arguing during adolescence but

disclosure of feelings was absent.

Fraternal twins:

86

Friction experiences reported between fraternal twins included physical,

verbal aggression and petty arguments. Described below are some examples of

their responses:

''During adolescence we had quite a hateful relationship with each

other. My twin went through a stage of being quite aggressive and

arrogant."

''In younger years we fought verbally and physically constantly. I

got angry and pissed off with my twin when she didn't see my point

of view."

'' A lot were petty over such things as the newspaper. They caused

feelings like anger, frustration and guilt."

Close siblings:

During adolescence, for some close siblings, friction experiences aroused

feelings of jealousy, anger, irritation, aggravation, rejection and excitement.

Provocation involved friends, differential treatment from parents, differences in

personality, untidiness, weight gain and competition. The following examples

were reported:

''The friction was brought about by my brother's teasing over my

friends and caused me to feel violently angry ... "

"I guess I was jealous of the way she seemed to be able to do

everything right in my folks' eyes. I was irritated by it and I guess

sometimes angry at the way she seemed to get her own way. "

"I am inclined to repeat statements and my sister would tell me not

to go on. I used to get aggravated by this as I feel it is an aspect of my

personality to repeat things."

"Untidiness on her part in our bedroom. I felt angry with her."

"I put on lots of weight and my brother sometimes used to call me

derogatory names, It seemed that it always happened in my

vulnerable moments. I remember feeling as though I was being

rejected so from then on I was always on a diet. My self image took

a battering and it took years before I felt okay about my weight. 11

''Competition in earlier adolescence for grades and attention.

Feelings aroused were more excitement related than jealousy and

envy etc. 11

87

Two female siblings, from separate pairings, reported the emotions they

experienced towards their close sibling brothers during adolescence. One

described feeling angry, embarrassed and disappointed. The other listed:

animosity, anger, hostility, rebellion, ridicule, sarcasm and cynicism.

Emotions aroused by fighting and arguing during adolescence were

reported by two siblings from separate pairings. One wrote:

"For a while we were continuously arguing and fighting. It was sad

because at the time we both could have used support. "

The other male sibling wrote: "We fought over petty things. I was angry and

hurt and would therefore close off 11

One close sibling described an actual friction experience and the emotional

impact.

"One time I ran away from home and he used force to try and stop

me. That made me bitter towards him ... "

( v) Careers.

Identical female twins:

Twinship was reported to have affected the career choices of 15% of female

identical twins. Illustrative comments include:

"Being a twin obviously had some effect on my career choice. Not

because we felt we both had to do the same thing but because our

love of books was something we shared."

"Neither of us consciously made the decision to have the same

career, but it turned out that way. 11

"My decision not to follow my sister to varsity was influenced by the

feeling that I couldn't keep up with her. 11

Identical male twins:

88

The responses recorded indicated that all identical male twins had chosen

similar careers.

Fraternal twins:

Twenty five percent of fraternal twins indicated that having a twin had

affected their choice of career. For example one twin wrote:

"I chose my career because my twin wasn't doing it- if she had

wanted to do the same job I would have chosen something

different ... "

Another twin said:

''I have tried to steer clear of any overlap in career choice with my

twin. I don't want to be doing the same thing as her. 11

Other fraternal twins reported that being female, being the bossy twin and

unemployment were the reasons determining their career and/ or non-career

choices.

Close siblings:

Ten percent of close siblings described how close siblings affected career

choice. One male sibling said he was trying to achieve a similar job status to his

sibling and parents. A female sibling avoided science which was her best subject,

because she wasn't as good at it as her close sibling or other members of her

family. Another female sibling reported her non-career choice was because she

wanted to marry someone who was like her brother and have kids.

RELATIONSHIPS

(i) Relationships with others.

Ninety four percent of identical female twins, 67% of identical male twins,

70% of fraternal twins and 69% of close siblings described how being a twin or

having a close sibling affected their relationships with others. Responses cJ.re

described below under four headings

1. Difficulties for others.

89

Identical female twins and fraternal twins considered that their twin

relationship made it difficult for others to form relationships with them.

Identical female twins:

The following responses from identical female twins were reported:

✓✓our children, husbands and sisters hate the fact that we are so

close. They feel no matter how hard they try they can never replace

the other twin."

uMy relationship with my sister was closer than the relationship I

had with my mother. In times of real emotion my sister and I

would · shut our mother out. 11

,✓Some boyfriends couldn't handle the closeness."

✓✓Boyfriends always felt they had to be looked over by the other twin,

the same with girlfriends .... Even the children know that when we

are together that we find them, at times, an intrusion. 11

,✓Mixed feelings and emotions, hard on family. We (my sister and I)

had good communication codes. She would look at me and I would

know what she meant. People felt threatened. 11

HI think our twinship has made it hard for people. We expected

them to want to know us as individuals and also understand us. If

someone was willing to be friends with one of us they had to like

the other as well"

Fraternal twins:

One fraternal twin reported:

"I think, for others, it has been difficult to form relationships with

us - either singly or as twins - because of the fact that for much of

our lives we have been constantly together."

2. Friends.

90 Twins and close siblings reported how being a twin or having a close

sibling has affected their relationships with friends.

Identical female twins:

Some responses from identical female twins read as follows:

"I think that we had high expectations of our friends. We expected

the same things from them that we had from each other. At times I

couldn't see it. When we felt our friends had been disloyal we felt

very hurt. It took me a long time to trust oth(!rs, which is probably

why I don't have many friends.

"In order to create our own identities, I think my sister and I kept

each other at arms length ... I continued this behaviour - keeping

friends at arms length. Friends don't notice it, but this caused my

first couple of relationships to falter. I made a major breakthrough

in my present relationship - I allow him close to me. But I still

jealously guard my private space from friends."

"I tend to feel inadequate with people who know my sister. I know

people compare us to look for differences and similarities and I

assume they'll prefer my sister and find me sadly lacking. With my

own friends I prefer them not to spend time with my sister, I guess

because I think they'll like her better!

"My sister and I were very close ... we always had the same interests

and the same friends and we rarely ever went out alone with

friends. I look back now and realise the danger that this

relationship imposed because friends always had the two of us to

socialise with. I think friends thought to befriend one of us meant

that they had to make up to the other twin in some way. Also being

a twin has really prohibited me from learning to express myself"

''I am quite friendly but I give people the once over thoroughly and

used to give more than I ever received. I do try to make my friends

important to me just as my twin is ... "

91 Identical male twins:

One male twin reported: "Maybe the very satisfying relationship we've

enjoyed prevented us from seeking a wide range of friends."

Fraternal twins:

Two fraternal female twins from separate pairings described the effect that

their twinship had on relationships with friends. A twin from one pairing

wrote:

"We both try to have different school friends but we have close

mutual friends who, hopefully enjoy both of us at once. There

hasn't been a lot of jealousy because we have always tried to steer

clear of our twin's friends. It makes hard work for them to have

twins as good friends."

Another twin from the second pairing wrote:

·"If I was a single child I would go out more, have the car to myself,

and get on with friends more personally, because they wouldn't feel

guilty about my sister. I would also try harder to form strong

relationships e.g. boyfriends ... "

Close siblings:

Close siblings reported how having a sibling close in age affected

relationships with friends. Their responses are as follows:

"We have met a lot of each other's friends to the point now that we

probably have more mutual friends than non friends ... Such a

situation makes us when with our friends happy and comfortable"

"I get to meet more people, mutual friends. Got to see sibling more

often, which was pleasant."

"My sister ganged up on my friends and me and that turned my

friends against me. At times I felt sad and wished I didn't have a

sister as close in age."

111 have found my sibling friends are very similar to mine."

//Having a close sibling who is male has enabled me to realise that

males are people too, and to establish lasting friendships with

males as well as females, perhaps even more so."

"My sibling's girl friends often spent weekends in our home. I was

delighted to have someone to share my bedroom. His girl friends

remained my friends long after this relationship with my brother

had ended."

3. Making friends

92

Responses below from twins and close siblings described their difficulties

in making friends.

Identical female twins:

Following are some responses reported by identical female twins:

"A difficulty in making friends and being able to communicate were

the most significant problems. As a child I didn't really need friends

although I did have them. Losing friends didn't matter because I

always had my sister and she was my best friend anyway. I didn't

have the ability to make small talk and still find this very hard. My

sister and I didn't make small talk. It was difficult learning to

communicate because for most of my life I'd been with someone

who didn't have to be told what I was thinking or feeling. It felt

scary learning to trust people with myself, my feelings. With my

twin this was automatic. I had to deliberately learn how to make

friends - it's not easy.

"Sometimes making friends could be difficult - we usually shared them ... ,.,

"Perhaps in earlier years our twinship held us back from making

close friendships"

"I feel happiest in my twin's company and have not had close

friendships with others my age as the need was not there ... "

Identical male twins:

One identical male reported: "It was hard to make friends - needed

only my twin brother."

Close siblings:

The following responses were reported by close siblings:

"It was harder to get involved in some ways cos there always has

been someone there. Thus removing the need to branch out and

make friends with others."

✓7 felt there wasn't any point in making friends because I compared

myself with my brother."

,,I don't try and make friends as much. I would have if I didn't have

a sister."

"I think I have found it harder to go and mix with others and to

make friends because I always knew that I could go out with my

sister and her friends. However, since she went away I have found

it impossible to make new friends so now feel isolated. I sometimes

feel there must be something wrong with me because her friends

who are still in town don't invite me out."

4. Additional effects on relationship.

- Identical female twins:

Responses from identical female twins are described below:

✓✓our children, husbands and sisters hate the fact that we are so

close. They feel that no matter how hard they try they can never

replace the other twin."

" ... I put a lot into my marriage and expect the closeness to be most

important. I suppose I'm used to having my twin around so I expect

the same from my husband."

93

Identical male twins:

One identical male twin wrote:

"I suppose that if my twin obviously disapproved of a girl I took out,

this did have some effect on me. Whether it was true the other way

round I'm not sure; though my brother did tell his future wife that

it was essential she got on with me and my wife. 11

Another wrote: "I guess it's made me a bit shy."

Fraternal twins:

One female fraternal wrote:

"I have learned to co-operate more than non-twins might, learned

to share more and perhaps more interdependence; certainly more

independence. I believe all of these things have made me a better

person and enriched my relationships with others. 11

Another female fraternal reported:

"We sought each others approval when we chose partners ... [ do feel

a little guilty at not having the same feelings towards my other

siblings. 11

A male fraternal twin said:

"Besides occasionally wondering what my twin would do m a

situation I am in, there is usually no real effect."

Close siblings:

Additional responses from close siblings are:

''I feel that my husband resents it slightly. Maybe he feels I am

closer to her than him. I know my younger sister, 8 years younger,

wishes she had the closeness with both of us that we have. She

often says that she feels like the only child. I often think that

because we were so close we haven't bothered to get to know our

younger sister."

''Sometimes jealousy on the part of my ex-husband; no problem

with my present one"

94

"Because my brother was always getting into trouble others would

talk to me and make me feel embarrassed ... "

"I have looked for qualities that my brother has and if they've not

been there I've wondered why ... and have been disappointed ... "

"I took a long time to learn to trust males my own age. Even guys I

had grown up with because my brother was there and I assumed

they were all as irresponsible as he was .. ~and went further afield to

find a partner. I felt I was being judged on my choices."

"I am not short tempered and sometimes think my sister zs, so

perhaps being tolerant of others and more patient."

(ii) Popularity.

95

Seventy two percent of identical female twins, 70% of fraternal twins and

59% of close siblings reported times that they felt one was more popular than the

other.

Identical male twins did not remember times when one twin felt more

popular than the other.

Identical female twins:

Responses from three pair of identical female twin pairs are as follows:

First pair:

.-✓I have always been the practical one and leader of the two ... I felt

she thought she was second best. "

''This has been really real to me. My sister is very practical and

outgoing. Perhaps being the second twin has given me the feeling

of being second best."

Second pair:

"This happened at different times. When I was more extroverted I

was more popular amongst our friends. I think my twin always

thought I was more popular. I seemed to be able to relate to people a

lot better than her. I think I also felt that if she was more intelligent

I was going to be liked by everyone."

"Except when I was at primary school, I've always felt that my sister

was more popular. She was prettier, went out and did things while

I stayed at home. I always felt she had the nicer personality and

males seemed to prefer her. I was boring, she was exciting. This

feeling continued into adulthood."

Third pair:

''Yes my sister was always more popular with the boys ... She has a

much more forceful personality."

"I have always been more popular, people don't always like the fact

that I can do without them ... "

96

Additional responses indicated that 'being the quieter twin', being asked out on a

date', being more outgoing', 'having more of a social life', and 'attracting more

boys' contributed to feelings of popularity or unpopularity.

Fraternal twins:

From one pairing a twin wrote:

"There have been occasions particularly at school which I felt my

sister was more popular because of the type of friends she had, the

social things she did ... I felt lonely because she seemed to be getting

out more than I and having a life so to speak. "

The other twin from this pairing did not think one of them was more popular

than the other. From a second pairing one of the twins wrote: "I have close

friends. My sister has lots of shallow friends." The other described herself as

more popular because she had more friends than her sister.

Additional female fraternal twin responses described:

"Sometimes I felt inhibited by my twin's presence and

achievements as though I was living in his shadow and could not

hope to be anything more boring and less than ordinary. "

"He was more out going and popular at school. I sometimes felt in

his shadow and people tended to expect the same from me."

"She was more popular over me probably because she was more

97 outgoing and I was more reserved. 11

Close siblings:

Four pair of close siblings responded to this question. Close sibling sisters

wrote:

,, At school I often felt she was more popular than I was. Because I

was so busy proving myself people weren't as much a priority ... Now

to a certain extent the position has been reversed. Since I went to

Uni I've gained in confidence and discovered more of the real me

which has helped me with making friends ... "

"Now when my sister comes home I feel she is more popular than

me because people ring and go out with her whereas this doesn't

happen to me ... 11

A female close sibling described:

"I always felt more popular as she was quieter socially, and I had

friends to go out with etc. 11

Her sister reported never experiencing a time of feeling more popular than her

sister.

A male close sibling reported that he and his sister were fairly treated but

his sister wrote: //My brother was always the popular one who had lots of friends

and made friends easily ... 11 Another male reported never experiencing being

more popular than his dose sibling sister. His sister wrote:

"I have always felt that he was more popular than me. He was

always outgoing, friendly and he had all the skills that anyone

could ever need ... 11

Two close sibling females, from separate pairings, reported it was their

sisters who were more outgoing and had more friends at school than they did.

Female siblings , from separate pairings, reported there were times when they

felt their close sibling brothers were more popular with one of their parents than

they were. From the first pairing:

"My dad loved my younger brother more than me. He got away

with a lot of things that I would have never got away with. His

favouritism was very apparent to all the other members of my

family ... "

From the second pairing:

''My sibling was much more popular with my mother. As a child I

tried to do everything I could to please my mother. Gifts from me

were unacceptable. He was not whipped and I was ... "

98

Two male siblings with sisters close in age reported it was their sisters who

were more popular because it was easier for them to make friends. Another

male wrote that although his . close sibling brother seemed more popular than he

was it didn't upset him.

(iii) Attracted to the same person.

Sixty percent of identical female twins and 14% of close siblings females

reported times when they had been attracted to the same person. There were no

responses to this question reported by identical male or fraternal twins.

Identical female twins:

A number of identical female twins described friction, strain and

competition taking place in their twin relationships described in the following

responses:

fl At intermediate and high school this happened and it made us

terribly competitive in our early adolescent years, particularly in

terms of appearance. I always seemed to get her rejects... It left me

with very little self-confidence or self-esteem."

'' ... When we were younger there was competition when it came to

males. I think I was a lot bolder than my twin. This did put a strain

on our relationship yet it was something we avoided discussing ... "

//First a bit of jealousy on my part then I learnt to cope with it and

our relationship was back to normal."

f/Yes, but I was sometimes oblivious to the fact, or else I didn't care.

I was pretty mean to my sister in our teenage years. I was often

cutting or nasty to her, because I did perceive her as a threat. One

man in particular, I remember feeling that he considered us to be

interchangeable, but he happened to be with me. I felt precarious,

therefore defensive, therefore mean and nasty."

"Yes, I think we did . I felt threatened as though my privacy was

being invaded. It brought slight friction between us. "

99

One identical female twin reported being the first one to go out with her

sister's husband but went on to say: "He started talking to my twin, thinking it

was me and their romance went from there." Another reported that she and her

twin sometimes had the same boyfriend but at different times. She wrote: '' .. . it

never made us mad towards one another at all." A third twin reported that

when she had a crush on the same boyfriend as her sister it did not affect their

twin relationship.

Close siblings:

A female close sibling described feelings of extreme jealousy and anger

towards her sister when she was attracted to the same boyfriend. Another female

close sibling thought it was 'cute' when her sister got a crush on her boyfriend.

She wrote:

,., When my boyfriend and I broke up she pursued him but nothing

ever developed. I may have felt different had they gone out

together."

Yet another reported there were no hard feelings when she and her sister were

both attracted to the same boy. She said:

,.,It was obvious he was attracted to my sister and so I never pursued

it knowing she also liked him."

(iv) Helped/hindered other relationships. Sixty percent of identical female twins, 50% of fraternal twins and 34% of

close siblings reported whether being a twin or having a close sibling

helped/hindered them forming other relationships.

Identical male twins did not consider their twinship helped/hindered

them in forming other relationships.

Identical female twins:

The majority of identical female twins reported that their twinship had

100 hindered them forming other relationships. Following are some of their

responses:

"I was never really close with anyone even those I called my best

friends. There were large parts of me I couldn't share. The only

person I truly trusted was my twin I didn't trust anyone else. Even

after she married I still could not share my self with anyone. I was

extremely shy and was unable to make small talk or really make any

conversation."

"We were at fault for having very high expectations and others

probably didn't know what to make of us. I know my twin hated

my partner for a long time. Jealousy was the cause. I also expected

that my partner could read my mind and would know what I

wanted and what I meant. I expected a soul mate just like my twin.

My partner was also expected to make room in his life for my twin.

Our partners were probably confused by all this. It did create

arguments, but in the long run our partners realised life was easier

if they pretended to understand twinship .. I think twins can be pretty

scary and demanding. However .once the relationship is

straightened out twins make very loyal trusting partners."

"I have just recently felt very threatened. Before I went out with my

boyfriend I felt as though he was paying respect to my twin as well. I

was not sure whether he did this because he liked me or that he felt

he had too ... "

,.,.I hadn't thought about this before, but I don't have any close

relationships with other women and I wonder if that's because I

can't get the same understanding and sense of being in tune that I

get with my twin. I never feel completely comfortable with other

friends, even those I know quite well."

Only one identical female twin reported that twinship had not hindered

her forming relationships with others. She wrote: " ... we were no different from

our friends in forming other relationships."

Another identical female twin wrote:

''With us it has not hindered or helped us forming other

relationships because I don't let others stand in the way of our

twinship."

Fraternal twins:

101

A small number of fraternal female twins reported their twinship

hindered them forming other relationships. Their responses are as follows:

"I think it has, because at this stage of our lives we have often been

seen as 'the twins' rather than individuals. This lack of apparent

individuality caused feelings of resentment and loneliness because

of a difficulty in making friends."

"I didn't make friends at school which was depressing. Also we

don't have boyfriends because we are too close ... there is no need to

share ourselves with others. This makes me feel deprived ... "

"Hindered occasionally with friends. Other people find it difficult

with two of us."

Other fraternal female twins reported that their twinship helped them in

forming other relationships. They wrote:

"Through my twin I learned socialisation with the opposite sex at a

young age. Therefore I have never had problems forming

relationships or socialising with males."

·"Closeness has helped, because we share a very good friend, who we

have known since we were very small ... "

Close siblings:

Having a close sibling, for some, helped them to form other relationships.

They reported:

"I think I get on better with males on a friendly sort of basis because

of having brothers' male friends around ... "

"It has helped me because I became a very affectionate open

person ... 11

"I think it has been beneficial as it has been easy to have a closeness

with others that I think I first had with my sister. 11

"It's been a good thing if we've teamed up with another

brother/sister family. 11

''Yes, more confident."

102

Other close siblings reported that they had been hindered in forming other

relationships. One male wrote:

"Especially with girls. As I was not able to form a close relationship

with my sister I feel this hindered being friends with girls and

building relationships."

A female sibling reported:

"Until my sister went to live in another town I didn't have any real

friends. We spent most of our time together."

A close sibling female reported that her relationship with her

brother helped/hindered the forming of relationships with others.

She described: "Since there were two of us we already had the

nucleus of a group and could each contribute a friend or two. At the

same time with our frequent uprootings and moves from school to

school we were often thrown in on each other and therefore did not

need to reach out to others for companionship."

A male sibling describing his relationship with his sister wrote:

"Hindered bad relationships - so overall helped. Emotionally

satisfying and relieving to know that I'm not alone in my world."

A female sibling described feeling guilty when she had a relationship and her

sister did not. Another reported that she found it hard to trust males because of

her relationship with her close sibling brother who sexually abused her.

103 (v) Differing emotional experiences.

Sixty one percent of identical female twins and 40% of fraternal twins

considered that their emotional experiences differed from other sibling

relationships 'close in age'. No responses were reported by identical male twins

to this question.

Fifty nine percent of close siblings reported that their emotional

experiences were different from other sibling relationships who are 'not close' in

age.

Identical female twins:

Responses from some identical female twins who reported differing

emotional experiences are listed below:

"Yes, most definitely twins by far have very strong emotional ties. I

don't think that any other relationship would experience the

closeness that two people share as twins."

'"I think they are. We know instinctively how the other feels. It's

almost like keeping in touch with your other self .. One could say

that keeping in touch with my twin is a form of enlightened self

interest."

"Yes, even though other sibling relationships are close, I still do not

believe that they would ever be able to grasp the intimate closeness

that twins share. Even in the womb, I believe that twins build their

bond. 11

" ... Twins must differ because of the telepathy they share - knowing

exactly what the other one is thinking etc. 11

Two identical female twins, from separate pairings, found it difficult to

compare their twin relationship because they do not have other siblings. They

wrote:

" ... it is difficult to decide what is normal sibling emotion and what

is twin emotions."

11 ••• I know we have a closeness that some siblings don't have but I

104 also know siblings who are close ... "

Another identical female twin reported the reactions of her 'other siblings'

towards the twin relationship. She wrote:

" ... When my twin and I get special treatment from my parents and

others they get together and grumble. As we are all over the globe

at some stage we don't seem to be together a lot so the older siblings

don't have feelings towards each other like my twin and I."

Fraternal twins:

The following responses were reported form fraternal twins:

"I think that our emotional experiences differ from other sibling

relationships because of the fact that for much of our life we have

done everything together and been in the same or very similar

types of situations."

"I have friends who have younger and older brothers and sisters. I

think our relationship is unique, because we are so close in age, we

have close emotional experiences. We both think the same, have

the same dreams. Sometimes we finish each other's sentences.

They do differ from other sibling relationships because we are

emotionally tied to one another."

"Yes I believe any age difference would be quite important as

siblings would be in different classes, people would treat them

differently, and parents would respond differently to each of them,

whereas as twins we are treated the same ... "

'Tm sure our emotional experiences do differ from other sibling

relationships. No doubt our older sister felt responsible for us

under certain circumstances. It became a case of two against one."

Close siblings:

Close sibling described how their emotional experiences differed from

other sibling relationships who are not close in age. Following are some of their

responses:

"I believe that the closeness in age, plus the fact that for so much of

our lives we've done things together, makes us closer emotionally

than those who don't experience this. In some ways our

relationship has been like the partnership that others get from

marriage or close relationships like that. It's kind of weird that

we've got so close but really positive to have a shoulder to lean on

and someone who's supportive (I hope she sees me in this way too).

None of my friends seem to have such a close sibling

relationship ... "

"When you are close in age you experience 'growing up' in almost a

parallel way. You deal with similar learning at the same time. I

believe that spending childhood close to another forges very strong

bonds of trust and intimacy ... 11

"I have a sister who is 2 years younger than I am. I am very fond of

her - love her - but don't feel as close to her as I do to my close

sibling sister. We have a very close rapport ·with each other."

(vi) Feelings towards other brothers and/ or sisters.

105

Seventy eight percent of identical female twins, 67% of identical male

twins, all fraternal twins and 55% of close siblings responded to this question but

only a small number described their 'feelings'.

Identical female twins:

Responses from female identical twins describing feelings are as follows:

"I really love all my brothers and sisters very much. I would feel

awful if something happened to them, but it would destroy me if

something happened to my twin ... "

"I love them all, but they are not necessary for my basic survival

physically, mentally or emotionally. 11

"There are two older sisters and I'm not close to either. My middle

sister, who is 3 and a half years older than me, and I were at war

with each other for 10 years and even now I don't feel much

warmth for her. I feel isolated within the family during childhood

and have maintained the distance ... "

·"One brother 3 and half years younger than us. Not particularly

close, but not as neurotically affected by him. If he does well I'm

pleased for him - I don't feel a twinge of inadequacy in

comparison ... I feel more comfortable about my brother. 11

" ... Sister 2 and a half years younger. She annoyed me. Tried to join

our threesome ... now I love her dearly. Brother 6 and a half years

younger. I adore him and enjoy his company immensely. 11

'' ... Youngest sister. I'm afraid to say but I think I was jealous of her

because of the attention given to her because of her health. I still

have some reservations about my attitude towards her which don't

make me feel too happy ... 11

Identical male twins:

106

Responses from identical male twins did not identify any feelings towards

their brothers and/ or sisters.

Fraternal twins:

All fraternal twins reported that they had other brothers and or sisters in

their family however, only a small number described their feelings towards

them. One male fraternal twin wrote:

"I used to have very bitter feelings towards my older brother,

especially1 when he hit my twin brother ... ! remember when I was

about 8 or 9 years old. I was playing with toy cars with my older

brother and my twin came up to us and wanted to play. My older

brother said -'no' he couldn't. I have always felt bad in that I

continued to play the game even when my twin was excluded from it,,. II

A female fraternal described:

"I love my younger brother and sister ... My younger sister is

different. She is very good looking and I find myself wishing I was

like her. I find her annoying ...

Another reported:

'7 feel very lucky to have both a brother and a sister ... "

Close siblings:

107

Very few close siblings described their feelings towards other brothers and/

or sisters. One female sibling wrote:

"Jealousy for having to be the oldest ... the twins got a great deal of

attention wherever they went ... ''

Another female described:

"Just as comfortable, but as the years of difference are greater you

feel more protective of younger siblings ... 11

Yet another reported:

" .. . I feel disinterested in and very uncomfortable with two of my

brothers. I find it hard to accept them. 11

PARTNERSHIPS

(i) The first to make a partnership commitment. Ninety four percent of identical female twins, all of identical male twins,

70% of fraternal twins and 93% of close siblings reported whether they or their

twin or close sibling was the first to make a partnership commitment.

Identical female twins:

Fifty nine percent of identical female twins reported that they were the

first one to make a partnership commitment. One identical female twin who

was first to marry wrote:

"My sister was very distressed at the time. I'm afraid I was a bit

unfeeling towards her at the time. She still talks about it.

Another twin described feeling annoyed because her twin sister interfered in her

marriage. She commented: "It's like she's my minder and I definitely don't need

108 that." One twin reported that her twin did not approve of her partner. She said:

"I felt as if I was being pulled two ways. It was hard letting go of my

twin, it was hard accepting her dislike of my husband and it was

hard trying to make my husband understand my relationship with

my twin."

Feeling confused when she was first to leave home to live with her boyfriend

was recalled by another twin: She wrote:

ffl had an emotional relationship with him (my boyfriend) and

shared a lot of myself and my feelings .... In retrospect I realised that I

replaced my relationship with my sister with this partnership. At 18

I became anorexic and so did my twin ... Was I searching for my

sister?"

Forty one percent of identical twins reported it was their sister who was

first to make a partnership commitment. One twin expressed feeling free from

being her sister's other half. She said: "It felt strange but it also felt good."

Another twin reported:

✓,My sister married firsL.Initially I felt betrayed and I hated her

choice of partner. All our plans for flatting and travelling were

destroyed. Part of me was jealous too ... Yet for all the bad feelings I

was very happy for my sister on her wedding day."

The partnership commitment of another identical twin's sister was described:

"From that time on I knew I'd lost her. It was as if the emotional

closeness and special sharing we had was transferred to her new

relationship and we never were as close after that. I don't think I

looked elsewhere for closeness, I withdrew and isolated myself and

accepted that she didn't need me or want to be close to me."

Although one twin reported that she felt no resentment or jealousy when her

sister was first to marry she described it was a wrench.

Other identical female twins reported that they were unaffected by their

sisters' partnership commitment.

Identical male twins:

Fifty percent identical male twins reported that they were the first one to

109 make a partnership commitment. Only one commented about the experience.

He wrote: "I was keen for my brother to like my wife"

Fifty percent reported that it was their brother who had been the first twin

to make a partnership commitment. One twin said that he was not worried

about his twin's commitment. Another described feeling happy for his brother

and a third reported that he just took it as it came.

Fraternal twins:

Thirty percent of fraternal twins reported being the first twin to make a

partnership commitment. One described feeling both excited and apprehensive

about leaving home. She wrote:

"I remember feeling totally independent, something I had never

experienced before... I also remember feeling I finally had my own

identity ... "

"By the time I married we (my twin and I) had lived apart off and

on for several years. You might say we had established our own

independence of each other ... "

"I didn't care - it made no difference to our relationship ... "

Forty percent of fraternal twins indicated it was their twin who had made

a first partnership commitment. A fraternal female twin whose sister was first

to marry wrote:

"I was very happy for her but felt very sad (even cried) when she

told me she was getting married, I felt someone was taking my

place and our friendship would never be the same, but "no" it

didn't happen that way and we are still the best of friends."

Another fraternal female twin reported feeling surprised when her brother

became involved in a de facto relationship. She stated: "I realised I no longer

knew him." A fraternal male twin reported feeling comfortable about his

brother being the first to have a girlfriend and decided that it was time he had a

girlfriend also.

Close sibling:s:

Fifty two percent of close siblings reported being first to make a

partnership commitment. One female sibling wrote:

110 "I wanted and needed approval from my close sibling that my

choice was right and experienced disappointment and some

resentment when it was not given."

Guilt and shame were emotions reported by another female. She felt she hadn't

spent enough time with her close sibling brother because of her partnership

commitment.

Other siblings who were first to make a partnership commitment

described 1going their separate ways', 1 that their life was their own', 1being totally

involved with their new partner.'

Fifty two percent of siblings, close in age, reported it was their close sibling

who was first to establish a partnership commitment. A female sibling wrote :

"Interested at first to find out who the 'lucky' woman was ... so surprise was my

first feeling ... " Another reported:

"I felt pleased to see my brother had chosen a lovely wife but felt she

probably would find it hard being married to him. I felt concerned

for her. I felt cross that when I announced our wedding date he

announced his would be exactly one weekend before ... I felt he just

had to beat me ... "

Yet another female sibling wrote:

"We are both supportive of each other although I feel protective of

his feelings and therefore skeptical of his women friends."

Feeling I good' and 1pleased' about the partnership commitment of their close

sibling sisters was reported by other female siblings.

A male sibling reported that he had a better relationship with his sister

since her marriage. He commented: "I am really pleased for her and am glad to

see her husband is looking after her." Another male described feeling very

happy for his sister while another reported feeling ecstatic for his sister who was

first to marry.

There were no emotions reported in the responses of other siblings whose

close sibling was first to make a partnership commitment.

(ii) Parbtership difficulties.

111 Twenty eight percent of identical female twins, 10% of fraternal twins and

21% of close siblings reported experiencing difficulties in their partnerships due

to being a twin or close sibling. There were no responses to this question by male

identical twins.

Responses disclosed partnership difficulties in the areas of marriage and

boyfriends.

Marriage

Identical female twins:

Two female identical twins, from separate pairings, described difficulties

in their marriage due to being a twin. A twin from one of the pairings wrote:

"My husband's favourite line was "do you expect me to read your

mind?" and, yes, I did. It took me a few years to realise this. I'd

never really had to communicate what I wanted or felt .... For the

sake of my marriage I had to learn this. It was also difficult for my

husband to accept my closeness to my twin. He got tired of me

wanting to see her all the time or wanting to go places with her or

her family."

From the second pairing another twin wrote:

At first my husband found my twinship a little difficult to deal with.

Here I was permanently separated from my twin. I used every

excuse I could think of to visit my family often. Not long after I was

married I experienced an episode of sleepwalking. Reading up on

the subject I discovered that a major shock or trauma can result in

this. I believe the difficulty in accepting the separation from my

twin caused this. My inability to say 'no' to my twin has caused

some conflict especially when I drop everything to go to her aid.

Adjusting to a husband, unlike your twin, doesn't seem to be able to read your mind has been difficult."

Fraternal twins:

Marriage difficulties were reported by only one fraternal twin:

"My late husband told me he was a jealous person ... He found it

difficult to accept the bond we twins had. 11

Close siblings:

The following responses were reported by female close siblings who

112 indicated that they had experienced difficulties in their marriage due to having a

close sibling:

''Sometimes when my husband and I argue or discuss my brother, I

find myself defending my brother, and his life instead of supporting

my husband. I feel torn as I really should let my husband have his

point of view. 11

ffWhen my sibling returned to our family home during holiday

periods I had great difficulty remaining in my own home. I felt

anxious, wanted to take the bus to my parents home ... I felt I wanted

to cry continually. My husband was angry and bewildered by my

behaviour. A painful part of my life. I was desperate. a very

uncomfortable feeling."

HMy brother has threatened my husband with a hiding if he doesn't

look after me ... I felt angry , insulted, indignant and even

embarrassed. 11

HMy husband thinks my sister is a nutter ... I still see her as being the

aunt of our children - it has caused arguments. 11

HI feel a certain sense of having to choose. I know my sister would

be there for me and so expects me to do the same. My husband

comes from a family that isn't close and he doesn't get on with his

only sibling so doesn't understand it. This creates tension ... "

Boyfriepds

Identical female twins:

The following responses were reported by identical female twins who

experienced difficulties with their boyfriends.

''On the odd occasions when my partner has made a remark

comparing me with my sister or vice-versa I felt like kicking him in

the head!"

"The hardest thing has been for me to try and explain to my

boyfriend that he does not have to show my sister affection as

well.. .I guess it is breaking into a mental perception people have

about twins. In some ways it has been difficult to communicate to

my partner because 'twins' have their own language."

"Maybe the fact that I tell my twin most things is not so positive for

any partnerships I've had ... Possibly I hold back in relationships

because I can't get the same level of acceptance and understanding

that I can have with my twin."

Close siblings:

One close sibling reported:

"My boyfriend liked my sister and they went behind my back. I tend

to feel as if all my boyfriends will like her. 11

(iii) Partnership contributions.

113

Fifty per cent of identical female twins, 17% of identical male twins, 20% of

fraternal twins and 51% of close siblings reported that being a twin or having a

close sibling in age had contributed positively to their partnerships.

Identical female twins:

The following responses from identical female twins describe these

positive contributions and the experienced emotions:

"Being a twin is a positive. I feel happier now because my twin is

married and has someone else to share her life. I am proud of the

relationship my husband and my twin share ... I now realise that

getting married and living in separate homes does not break the

bond I have with my twin. Having had my twin by my side all my

life had, I feel, made me more sensitive to my partner's needs. I

think my partner would agree to this ... 11

""In some ways I feel I'm more aware of my other partner's needs etc.

All my life I've practised the art of sometimes having to do what

someone else wanted and I feel that generally this has been an

advantage in my marriage.

Additional responses to this question from identical female twins

described:

,,I know how to share, give and love someone as with being a twin.

I'm not selfish and know how to interact closely."

,,I think it is pretty special to have a twin. Sometimes my husband

talks with my twin about certain issues because she understands

how I feel and can explain things better."

114

Several identical female twins reported that their husband's attitude

towards their twin had contributed positively to their marriage. They wrote:

,,Both our husbands accept that when we are together we are one."

,,Realising both husbands are sympathetic to our feelings of each

other and supportive."

"My husband would do extra things for us ... He knew that when she

was happy I was happy also ... "

Identical male twins:

Responding to this question one identical male twin wrote: ,,A positive

contribution - our wives get on comfortably."

Fraternal twins:

The following positive contributions to their partnership, due to being a

twin, were reported by two female fraternal twins from separate pairings:

"Being a twin has taught me sharing, independence,

interdependence, all things I'm grateful to have. I believe these

things helped me within a relationship."

Another wrote:

"My husband has got a very close friend in my twin. In fact my

twin and his partner and my husband and myself share a very good

relationship and I feel we are friends before being family."

Close siblings:

Close siblings described how having a sibling close in age contributed

positively to their partnerships:

"If it hadn't been for my brother I wouldn't have a partner, so yes it

has contributed positively. I feel proud of and grateful to my

brother."

"It shows people that I am capable of strong emotional bonds I hope,

but I don't know if anyone else sees it like that .

"Because of the closeness my brother and I have had, it has given

me a standard to try for. This has helped me to work harder at my

relationship with my husband ... "

"Yes, strong encouragement on my sibling's behalf My sibling is

very happy for me when I am happy in myself - which results when

I'm in more than just a half-hearted relationship. 11

"'Yes, adds another dimension. Positive in social circumstances. 11

"Perhaps I can get on with my partner as much as a friend, as a

lover, more easily due to having a close brother - I feel I've always

found it easier to be friends with a male than females. Often I have

trouble making close friendships with females."

"Perhaps having had a close relationship with my sister has helped

me understand women a little better and helped me be supportive

of a wife who has been very active in local affairs etc."

(iv) Desire to make a partnership commitment.

115

Thirty three percent of identical female twins, 17% of identical male twins,

10% of fraternal twins and 24% of close siblings reported how being a twin or

having a close sibling had affected their desire to make a partnership

commitment.

Identical female twins:

Identical twins, from separate pairings, reported how being a twin had

affected their desire to make a partnership commitment. A twin from one

pairing wrote:

"I think subconsciously, I have been less willing to make a

partnership commitment because I'm a twin. I had been seen as part

of a pair all of my life and I didn't want to be shackled to yet another

person. I wanted space to be me alone, and accepted as me ... I don't

think this situation has had an impact on my twin relationship. 11

From the second pairing one twin wrote:

"At first I was very reluctant because I felt I couldn't cope on my

own without my twin - she was like another partner ... 11

116

Twins from the same pairing reported that they never thought they would

marry. One of the twins wrote:

"My twin and I would often joke about getting married and buying

houses next door to each other. We would live in one and our

partners in the other. I think we always thought we would be

together. Sometimes when I reflect on my marriage I sometimes

regret marrying so young and not waiting. Maybe my twin and I

could have flatted together or travelled ...

Another twin pair, who were widowed 13 months apart, described being in no

hurry to remarry. One twin wrote:

""Now we are widowed we are not in a great hurry to get married for

a while. We grieve together for our husbands but at the same time

we don't need to be married quickly to combat loneliness as we

have each other ... 11

The other wrote:

"I am in no hurry to marry again now that I am a widow. I can take

or leave a relationship. I don't feel alone or lonely ... 11

Identical male twins:

Responding to this question one identical male twin wrote: "Being a twin

possibly delayed a marriage. 11

Fraternal twins:

Being a twin affected the desire to make a partnership commitment for

one female fraternal twin. She wrote:

"I guess I'm not used to being alone. My twin was always around so

it's a comfortable feeling to have a partner close by, and I began to

feel lonely if he was away for several days. I don't think this has had

much impact on my twin relationship ... "

Close siblings:

117

A female sibling who described having a close and loving relationship

with her brother said she sought and found this same relationship with her

husband. Another female sibling reported how the relationship between her

and her close sibling brother has affected her ability to form a partnership

commitment. She wrote: "Unfortunately, once anyone attempts to control me I

withdraw, leaving me feeling isolated ... " A third female sibling wrote:

"During our young days when I was going out with various men it

was always to my brother that I turned for help and advice. I· tried

to ensure that he did not feel threatened or abandoned."

A close sibling female yet to make a partnership commitment described:

"I believe the desire to do so has been affected by my close sibling

relationship. I believe it's going to be difficult in some ways because

they're (the prospective partner) going to have to break through the

very strong relationship we've built up over the years. Likewise if

my sister finds someone I believe I'd find it quite hard to accept in

some ways. I feel jealous (though I hate to admit it), and don't want

her to be hurt or taken advantage of if she does get into a

relationship."

Two male siblings reported how having a close sibling had affected their

desire to make a partnership commitment. One male sibling said: "I think it has

made me extraordinarily committed." Another reported that having a close

sibling sister made him feel it was important to have a wife who was a friend

and companion, well educated and intelligent.

118

SEPARATION

(i) First separation experiences. Eighty three percent of identical female twins, 50% of identical male twins,

80% of fraternal twins and 75% of close siblings reported their first separation

experiences. Summarised below are first separation experience circumstances for

twins and close siblings:

Identical twins Fraternal twins Close siblings Circumstances female male

(n=18) (n=6) (n=lO) (n=29)

% % % %

School 33 50 10 Hospital 28 17 20 7 Work/Study in 50 34 another city Overseas travel 7 Marriage 7 Other 22 21

Table 1. Circumstances of first separation for twins and close siblings

Identical female twins:

All female identical twins and fraternal twins reported school or a stay in

hospital as main reasons for their first separation. Identical twins reported

feeling worried, sad, lonely, unhappy, lost, cut in half, upset and distraught.

Typical responses from identical female twins included:

✓-The only separation that springs to mind was within the class­

room, in about standard two. The teacher put us in different rows

and I was very unhappy and cried until I could sit next to my twin."

""We were parted in the classroom and the separation was

involuntary. I was so upset and distraught my twin was returned to

the class."

"At age three my twin was sent to hospital. It's hard to describe -

feelings of loss, something of you missing - mother said we suffered

from nerves and clung to each other for a long time after that. 11

"My sister went into hospital at age seven. I hated it, felt really

homesick, feeling that this special friend of mine would be taken

from me, and cried lots."

Fraternal twins:

119

The following responses from fraternal twins illustrate the emotional impact

of first separation experiences:

"My first real feeling of separation was the different high schools we

went to. The separation was voluntary. I was slightly anxious about

this, but also very excited. This I'm sure has positively affected my

cognitive and emotional development. It meant that there was no

real direct competition at school, not grade wise nor peer group

wise. I felt I could ✓start afresh' at school. 11

"We were first separated when I went to High school and I had to

board away from home. I really felt lost without her as we sat

together all through our primary schooling and helped each

other ... 11

"I don't remember our first separation but I've had it related to me

many times. My twin went into hospital at 2 and a half and

apparently I wanted to go too, though I wasn't sick, and I cried and

was inconsolable until he came home ... 11

"When we were little, my twin had to go into hospital for a day... I

didn't feel loved ... I probably felt a little jealous because she was in

hospital and I wasn't ... 11

Fifty percent of identical male twins and the majority (66%) of close

siblings reported their first separation being when their twin or close sibling

moved away from home. No emotional impact was reported by male identical

120 twins. Close siblings described how they felt about the separation in the

following responses:

"When my brother was age 17 he went to teachers college ... Being

separated from him was a heavy blow, but I wrote daily and posted

the effusions once a week. 11

ffMy brother moved to Taranaki to go to Polytech ... I probably felt

slightly freed of having him around when socializing, I didn't miss

him f 11

✓✓we were first separated when I went to Australia ... [ felt pleased to get away from him."

Other close siblings reported additional first separation experiences. One

female described feeling free from, but worried for, her brother when he went to

live with their father. Another felt lonely when separated from her sister for a

year after their father had died suddenly. A third described feeling fearful that

her sister wasn't coming home from a stay in hospital.

(ii) Most difficult separation.

Seventy two percent of identical female twins, 16% of identical male

twins, 30% of fraternal twins and 55% of close siblings reported their most

difficult separation experiences.

Identical female twins:

The majority of identical female twins reported their most difficult

separation experience being when they, or their twin, moved away from home.

The following responses describe how some twins felt :

✓✓The marriage of my twin and her going to the North Island to live

was the most traumatic experience of my life. It felt like

bereavement and I was completely lost and lonely ... 11

ffMy sister married and within a week I travelled overseas - it was

really the final break and despite the excitement of other things we

both felt very badly .... 11

"When I travelled overseas for 2 months leaving my twin was

rather difficult. I cried for ages, so did she. When I was away I felt

separate, unhappy and lonely at times .... "

"I chose to go to Wellington for a year. This has been our longest

separation yet. I felt very isolated ... "

121

Additional difficult separation experiences were reported. One identical

female twin described feeling lost, as though something was missing when at age

10 her twin went into hospital. Another identical female twin did not specify the

actual circumstance but wrote:

"'We both knew that it was very necessary and important to separate. This was very hard for me, because she was a crutch for

me. I felt lonely and isolated at times, admittedly we rang each

other daily - but these times have been so necessary despite the pain!

I experienced feelings of not being able to adventure out and make it

on my own ... perhaps it was fear related?"

Identical male twins:

Only one pair of identical male twins responded to this question. They are

in their 70' s and one of the pair wrote:

"During our service in WW2 we were together in the army for

about two years. My brother transferred to the Air force ... later

transferred back to the army and served in Italy and Japan. I served

in the Pacific till the end of the war. The thought was always as to how he was surviving."

The other twin commented: "I just took everything as it came."

Fraternal twins:

Difficult separation experiences for fraternal twins evoked feelings of loss,

fear and loneliness. One female fraternal twin said:

"The most painful separation experience was at form 3 when we

were put in different form classes. This caused me to feel very

lonely and somewhat scared ... "

Another wrote:

"When my sister goes away on camp without me I feel lost. The

house is quiet without her, and it seems that some part of me is not

there, or I've lost something or someone. 11

A male fraternal twin reported:

"I suppose it would have to be when my twin zvent overseas for a

month because of the distance apart. The emotions soon went

though."

Close siblings:

122

Difficult separation experiences, for the majority of close siblings arose

when they or their sibling moved away from home. The following examples

illustrate these experiences and their emotional impact:

"The worst was when she went to live in Australia. I had just

found out I was pregnant with my first child and really wanted her

around. It was quite depressing and isolating because she was really

my only best friend. I felt I had to start making friends all over

again ... 11

ffHe left soon after my accident after nursing me for two weeks. I

was sad and missed him very much. It was impossible to get such

closeness from another relationship until I married last year. 11

"I think the most difficult separation, from my point of view

happened this year coming to Christchurch and leaving her in

Wanganui ... I felt a huge sense of loss and twice I had accidents this

year and it is at times like that I miss her love and support.

ffWhen she left home and went into the airforce I felt funny - then

we were really separated ... 11

"When I flew home after moving my sister to Christchurch in

January I cried and felt upset... 11

Other close siblings reported additional difficult separation experiences.

One female sibling described feeling angry and pissed off towards her brother

who after joining a religious group wanted nothing more to do with her.

Another female reported feeling proud of her brother for registering as a

123 conscientious objector during World War Two.

(iii) Long-term effects from separation.

Thirty nine percent of identical female twins, 30% of fraternal twins and

24% of close siblings reported long-term effects of separation. There were no

responses to this question from male identical twins.

Identical female twins:

The following examples were reported by identical female twins:

"When you' re separated, you seem to have more conscious feelings

about your twinship and the special relationship it is ... Although I

said previously I learnt to survive on my own, the separation made

me somewhat aware of what death of one of us would mean - I

hope I go first. It scares me not to have my sister around

somewhere - even in another city, country etc."

"My twin and her husband are thinking about moving to the West

Coast for 5 years ... How do I feel? Numb! It sounds so ridiculous to others. Me - a married women with a career and 2 children

devastated because her twin may be moving ... "

"I'm learning to have a normal relationship with my 'significant

other'. "I no longer keep him (partner) at arms length. I'm

beginning to allow myself the full range of my personality ... "

"I think we opened up our world to include others. We had to

survive ... People like me because of who I am. This certainly came

out by the simple fact that I could make friends by myself."

Fraternal twins:

Responses from fraternal twins included:

"I feel that any long-term effect of separation has resulted in each of

us developing a more individual personality ... "

"I think our five years separation has made our relationship

t ff s ronger ...

''I guess -I don't enjoy being alone for long periods of time. I believe

this feeling stems from growing up close to someone else and rarely

being alone ( e.g. playing alone) for long. Therefore this closeness

had led me to seek others out when I think I have been alone too

long. ff

Close siblings:

124

The effects of long-term separation for close siblings were described in the

following responses:

"I have had to go out and make my own friends and not rely on my

sister alone for friendship, support etc ... "

"Being separated we learnt from some mistakes that we may not

have made if we were not separated - we are stronger for our

separation. ff

" ...... inability to trust him completely. I feel unaccepted because I am

a women and in this religion women are considered less. The

feelings of isolation that come with separation. The feelings of not

knowing the other person. ff

"We have probably benefited, as you learn to develop your

personality' friends etc, because you have to. ff

LOSS

The only response describing death was given by a 70 year old male sibling.

He wrote:

"A deep sense of loss, he was the third brother to die. We shared a

love of canaries which we both used to breed. When he died my

interest waned. Now I have no birds. We also bowled together at

125 the same club. That doesn't seem to have the same interest."

One identical female twin, one fraternal female twin and three close

siblings described how they would feel if their twin or close sibling were to die.

One identical female wrote:

"Although my twin is still living I would like to state that I dread

the day when my twin dies. Hopefully I will die first, but then I

would hate to inflict the hurt and grief, I know she will feel, on her.

Losing her would be like part of myself dying. It's a secret fear we

probably both have. I know when I read obituaries in the paper and

see I dearly loved twin of' .. .I feel cold. I can imagine if my partner

dies and how I will cope, but not when I think of my twin."

The fraternal twin reported:

"Thankfully my twin is still living but if she died I would be

devastated."

The following examples were given by close siblings:

"My close sibling is still living but one of the greatest fears I have is

that she will die, leaving me alone. Because we have such a strong

bond and I draw so much support from her it frightens one to think

that a time may come when that may be missing ... "

"My sister is still living. If she were to die I just wouldn't have a

clue how I would act, I'd just fall apart. I can't even comprehend

life without her."

III. SECTION B

Quantitative Analysis:

126

Positive and negative emotions described by twins are shown in the graph

(Figure 1). As a group, identical twins reported more positive emotions than

fraternal twins. In addition, the number of negative emotions differed markedly

between identical and fraternal twins, with identical twins reporting almost

twice as many negative emotions as fraternal twins.

Figure 1.

Number of positive and negative emotions reported by twins

N u m

200

b 150 e r

0

f 100

E m 0

t i 50 0

n s

0 Identical twins

Twins Fraternal twins

• Positive emotions

ll1 Negative emotions

Ngure L presents tne numoer or pos1nve ana negative emonons reported

by close siblings. As shown twins reported less positive emotion and more

negative emotion than siblings close in age.

The number of positive and negative emotions reported by twins and

close siblings in each section of the questionnaire is presented in Figure 3. Twins

reported twice as many negative emotions as close siblings in two of the eight

sections of the questionnaire: General and Relationships. In addition, more

negative emotion was reported by identical twins for questions relating to school,

adolescence and separation. There were only two sections in which twins

reported more positive emotion than close siblings: Parents and Partnerships.

Overall, the graphs show there was a preponderance of negative emotions reported by twins.

300 N u m 250 b e r 200

0

f 150

E

m 100 0

t

! 50 n s

0

Figure 2.

Number of positive and negative emotions reported by twins and close siblings

• POSITIVE EMOTIONS

• NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

TWINS CLOSE SIBLINGS

Subjects

Figure3.

NUmber of positive and negative emotions reported by twins and close siblings in each section

100 N u 90 m

80 b e

70 r

60 0

f 50

E 40 rn 0 30 t i 20 0

n 10 s

0 General Parents School Adolescence Relationships Partnerships Separation Loss

Sections

• Twins Positive ~ Twins Negative D Close Siblings Positive [Il] Close Siblings Negative

129

CHAPTER FOUR

DISCUSSION

I. INTRODUCTION AND OVERVIEW

The intent of the present study was to explore the emotions that twins

experience growing up as part of a pair, and to compare them with to the

emotional experiences of close siblings. Thus, no set hypotheses were

formul~.ted. Instead questions which emerged from the available twin literature

were addressed.

Analyses disclosed that during the course of their development, twins,

especially identical female twins, experience more negative and less positive

emotion than siblings who are close in age. Twins reported over twice the

number of negative emotions than close siblings for questions asked in the

general section of the questionnaire. In particular, being stared at, feeling

responsible for their twin's feelings, physical differences and disturbing

experiences, revealed the greatest differences in the number of reported

emotions between twins and close siblings for this section. In addition, twins

reported more negative emotion attached to experiences involving school,

adolescence, relationships and separation, than did siblings close in age.

In order to discuss the findings, the remainder of this chapter is organised

as follows. Firstly, the results from each of the eight sections in the

questionnaire are discussed in relation to other relevant research findings.

Following this is a brief summary section. Secondly, the limitations of the

current study are examined, and finally, suggestions are made concerning

directions for future research.

II. GENERAL DISCUSSION

General.

Pleasurable experiences:

The common experiences and feelings that twins share are a consequence

of their close relationship (Clegg & Woollett, 1988). The degree of closeness and

number of shared experiences can affect their sense of security and emotional

130 well-being (Schave & Ciriello, 1983). In the present study, closeness and shared

experiences were particularly evident in the responses from identical twins who

tended to describe the pleasurable aspects of twinship more than actual

pleasurable experiences. Friendship, companionship and understanding were

emphasised as well as sharing activities and a life time of experiences. Some

identical female twins described never having to explain things to each other as

pleasurable. The emotional impact of these experiences was reported by some

identical twins who described never feeling lonely or alone, feeling loved

unconditionally as well as feeling secure and happy.

Actual pleasurable experiences characterised the responses of fraternal

twins and close siblings. The experiences of fraternal twins included being able

to tease others because of being a twin, travelling overseas with their twin, and

knowing that their twin was always looking out for them. Feeling proud, special

and happy, were the emotions described. Close siblings recalled pleasurable

experiences such as being chosen to be bridesmaid, visiting a deserted house,

flatting, and swapping lunches and clothes with their close sibling as pleasurable.

For some siblings, these experiences evoked positive emotion such as feeling

honoured and happy. One sibling described enjoying the same activities as her

sister as pleasurable while another felt that the acceptance and stability that she

received from her close sibling relationship was pleasurable.

Difficult experiences:

In the present study the findings disclosed a number of difficult

experiences for twins and close siblings. A difficulty for many identical female

twins concerned competition, generated both from within and outside the

twinship .. This was especially unpleasant if their own individual successes had

been undermined. For example, one twin recounted a time where she felt

pressured by her swimming instructor to compete against her twin. She said #He

took great delight in doing this and although I was the better swimmer, I felt no

glory in winning. Something that should have been enjoyable became

something I dreaded." Competition relating to such things as intellectual ability

and physical appearance were also evident in some twins' relationships but no

emotion was reported. Other difficult experiences for identical female twins

included separation, living up to each other's expectations and experiencing each

other's emotion. The issue of identity was common for both female and male

identical twins. One female reported feeling insulted because others did not

131 attempt to find out the differences between her sister and herself . Another twin

reported that she still struggles with the feeling that she doesn't have her own

identity . Although no emotion was reported, some male identical twins

described being labelled and having their identities mistaken, as difficult

experiences.

For fraternal twins, difficult experiences were varied and included

separation, friendships, a trip to the dentist, attending the same social events,

and looking the same as their twin. For some, these experiences elicited negative

emotion. One reported a separation from her twin as a traumatic experience.

Another felt like an intruder when she attended the same group as her sister.

One fraternal twin described feeling as though she was not an individual but

only part of something whole because her sister wanted to dress like her and she

couldn't be herself. Another fraternal reported fear concerning the expectation

for her to be like her twin.

For some close siblings in the present study, competitiveness was also

difficult, affecting the self-esteem of one sibling and leaving the other feeling

inadequate. A female sibling was affected emotionally because she shared the

same friends as her close sibling brother. She said: "I often came across as an

incredible bitch because I would get extremely angry and resentful if my friends

spent time with my brother." Puberty aroused negative effects for another sibling

who reported feeling embarrassed when her brother found out she had begun

menstruating. Additional difficult experiences including separation, marriage,

and comparison were described by close siblings but no emotion was reported.

Disturbing experiences:

In addition to difficult experiences, twins and close siblings in the present

study reported their most disturbing experiences. Descriptions from identical

female twins and close siblings showed similarities in the types of experiences

they described, however, twins reported more negative emotion than close

siblings. All groups reported incidents of illness or separation in their

descriptions of disturbing experiences. One female identical twin reported

feeling very scared after her twin's suicide attempt. Another remembered feeling

lost like something was missing when her sister had to go into hospital. Feelings

of loss and sadness were reported by other twins as they detailed their

experiences of separation. A male identical twin described the first separation

from his brother as an emotional experience. Separation for one female fraternal

132 twin left her feeling as though something was missing in her life. She said:

"When he left I thought I would rather lose my mother or husband than have

him leave." Close siblings who reported experiences of separation and illness

described feelings of guilt, grief and loneliness.

Additional disturbing experiences and attendant emotions were reported

by twins and close siblings. One identical female twin described fighting the

inward pain which resulted from her mother's reaction towards her sister and

herself when they spent time together. Feelings of anxiety and discomfort were

reported by a fraternal twin who had been placed in the same class as her sister

while another fraternal reported resentment occurring within her twin

relationship over her brother" s estate. A dose sibling female felt pressured

when her sister came to live with her and her family. She said "It was extremely

difficult and I feel that we have lost a certain closeness since then." Another

reported feeling upset, hurt and angry at her brother when he took on new

relationships.

Being stared at

Because identical twins share the same genes and therefore will not only

be of the same sex but have the same physical features, we can assume that they

are more likely than fraternal twins to experience being stared at. In the present

study all identical twins and 50% fraternal twins and a few close siblings reported

being stared at. Descriptions indicated a connection between experienced

emotion and how twins felt about being stared at. This was especially evident in

the descriptions from identical female twins which show three distinct response

patterns eliciting positive and/ or negative emotion. For example, twins who

reported that they 'did not mind being stared at' described positive affect such as

feeling special and amused by the experiences. Whereas negative effects such as

feeling frustrated, annoyed and self-conscious was reported by those identical

female twins who said they 'disliked being stared at'. The emotions for other

identical female twins appeared to wax and wane between positive and negative

effect as their reaction to being stared at changed over time. Only one identical

male twin reported being negatively affected by experiences of being stared at.

Others reported that they were amused by it, enjoyed it and were not bothered by

it.

The majority of fraternal twins reported the negative effects to being stared

at. One said: ''When stared at I sometimes felt anxious, not knowing whether I

133 was being scrutinised and compared." Another reported it made her feel like a

freak at a side show, while another felt uncomfortable and funny when stared at.

Interestingly, a number of close siblings reported they were stared at in their

younger years because they were thought to be twins and described positive

emotions aroused by these experiences.

Feeling responsible:

The results show that more identical female twins reported situations

where they felt responsible for their twin's feelings than did identical male and

fraternal twins. There was little difference in the percentage of identical female

twins and close siblings who reported the times when they felt responsible for

their twin's/ sibling's feelings. These experiences for twins evoked more

negative and less positive emotion than they did for close siblings.

Descriptions from identical female twins show consistency within pairs

regarding the situations in which each twin reported feeling responsible for the

other twin's feelings. This was evident in the responses from one pair of

identical female twins whose descriptions highlighted their emotional struggle

with the issue of identity. They reported feeling embarrassed, afraid and judged

because they thought the actions of their twin might reflect on them. As one

said: " ... People tend to see you as a unit, and so you fall into this kind of

thinking."

Taking responsibility for each other's feelings can start at a young age and

can have implications for the twin relationship according to the findings of the

present study. One identical female twin reported that she began to feel

responsible for how her twin felt from the age of six which caused her sister to

feel irritated and annoyed. Contagion of feelings was evident in several

responses from identical females. A twin from one pair reported that if she was

feeling down, she would pass this feeling on to her twin. Her sister reported, if

she rang her sister and felt down, her sister would feel down also. Feelings of

anxiety, fear, sorrow and guilt were reported in the responses from other

identical female twins who described feeling responsible when their twin became

pregnant or when their twin missed out on something that they were doing or

something they had achieved. One male identical twin reported a situation

when he felt responsible for the feelings of his brother but no emotion was

described.

Responses from fraternal twins reported comparatively less emotion. One

134 described how she was affected when her brother was punished by their parents.

She wrote: "When he was punished for something, I felt punished too .. .I had to

help him by feeling the hurt and humiliation for him." Ambivalent feelings

were reported by another twin who felt both guilty and pleased when she told

her mother of a secret her twin had asked her to keep. Another twin reported

she still feels guilty for a situation that occurred many years ago between her

twin and herself.

In the present study, situations described by close siblings were different

from those reported by twins. Relationships with others, parental favouritism

and the death of a family member were circumstances in which siblings close in

age felt responsible for each other1s feelings. For some these situations aroused

feelings of guilt and stress.

Personality differences:

In some twin relationships there is a tendency towards polarisation

(Moilanen, 1987). For example, one twin may become the dominant member

while the other is the submissive one; one may be more outgoing or confident

while the other is reserved; one may be communicative and the other less

talkative and so on. In the present study this was evident in both twin and close

sibling relationships as they described personality differences between them and

their twin or close sibling. Some ·consistency within twin and close sibling pairs

regarding their depiction of personality differences was also evident.

In a meta-analysis of twin studies McCartney, Harris, & Bernieri (1990)

concluded that as twins grow up they grow apart. In the present study there was

evidence that some twins become more similar to each other over time.

"Somewhere along the years we reversed roles and I became outgoing and

bouncy while my sister became quiet and serious." "We seem to complement

each other ... " "My sister was the more dominant...more so while we lived

together" "I became more dominant ... " " ... Our personalities. seem to be more

similar as we have gotten older." One identical twin described the effect this

had on her emotionally. " ... The change in my sister's personality was something

I didn1 t feel very comfortable with, I thought she was faking it. The sister I knew

was loud and boisterous."

A small number of identical and fraternal twins described the effects that

personality differences had on them as individuals. One identical female twin

said she felt stifled and struggled with finding her own identity. Another

135 reported developing in her twin sister's shadow. A fraternal twin felt her

development had been affected because she relied on her twin for support,

advice and encouragement. Close sibling relationships also showed a tendency

towards polarisation but differences in personality within close sibling

relationships appeared to be more enduring than those of twins. Some close

siblings also described how they were affected by these differences. One reported

feeling unworthy because she was quieter than her sister. She also added: " .. .I've

often judged myself negatively and feared I wasn't as nice as her, and felt driven

to prove that I have good points and abilities ... " Another reported feeling

unworthy and fearful while another felt that she never measured up to her

sibling.

Physical differences:

In the present study a high percentage of twins and close siblings reported

being aware of physical differences between them and their twin or close sibling

while growing up. Responses from identical female twins showed that they

were particularly affected by the reaction of others to the physical differences

between them. "People would say they could tell the difference between us ... this

annoyed me ... " " ... Because thin is better, I think people will prefer my sister to

me ... " "I become extremely self~conscious about this [physical differences] when

we are compared. I don't feel this when compared against my brother or

friends .. " Other identical female twins reported feeling insecure, angry, fat, ugly,

inferior, inadequate and envious when describing the physical differences

between them and their twin. Interestingly, identical twin relationships seemed

unaffected in spite of the negative effect aroused by physical differences.

Identical male twins described physical differences such as being taller, wider and

left handed but no emotion was reported. Physical differences described by

fraternal twins aroused less negative emotion than they did for identical twins

but impacted on the twinship more. One twin who described herself as

physically handicapped said: "it made my twin feel jealous and left out..."

Another fraternal twin reported that being fatter than her sister gave her sister

great scope for ridicule. One twin felt upset with her sister who called her

derogatory names while another felt envious because her sister was slimmer and

had wavier hair than she did.

Close siblings reported positive and negative effect in their descriptions of

physical differences between them and their sibling close in age. "I felt proud of

136 my beautiful little sister." "I think it's neat having a taller, bigger sister as I feel

secure and protected when with her." Other females with sibling sisters reported

feeling envious and left out concerning physical differences. One female sibling

from a mixed pairing reported feeling unliked and unattractive in comparison to

her brother. Other siblings from mixed pairs reported their physical differences

caused them to fight and argue and become slightly separate emotionally.

Role-switching:

The findings of the present study show that role-switching occurred in

twinship more than in close sibling relationships and aroused more emotion for

twins than close siblings. According to Bryan (1992) the indistinguishability of

identical twins affords them the opportunity to confuse others by swapping roles.

This was especially evident in the responses from identical female twins who

reported switching-roles at school and when with friends. Experiences of role­

switching at school left one twin feeling amused and another with a feeling of

power. Emotion aroused by role-switching for others appeared dependent on the

expectations of others. " ... People making comparisons between the introvert and

extrovert could hurt. There were many times where I smiled when I would

rather have died." "It was always mainly to please the rest of the class. I feel that

people associate twins as having fun ... Even now my sister hates it because she

feels she's getting mocked." One pair of identical twins reported having an

unspoken agreement not to do this.

Identical male twins reported swapping classes, confusing girlfriends and

standing in for each other while serving in the Army as role-switching

experiences but reported no emotion. Similarly, fraternal twins were unaffected

by their experiences of role-switching which included taking turns at telling each

other what to do and looking after each other.

A few close siblings reported experiences of role-switching. One pair of

female siblings used the fact that they sounded similar to swap roles on the

telephone. One added: "We often used to do it for fun ... " Another reported an

experience where she enjoyed taking on the leadership role in her sibling

relationship. For others role-switching experiences involved work around the

home.

Unique experiences:

The findings of the present study show that unique experiences reported

by twins aroused more emotion than those of siblings close in age. Unlike other

137 twins and close siblings the unique experiences of some identical female twins

elicited negative effect. Emotions such as feeling insulted, inadequate, and

humiliated were aroused by the expectations others had of them to be similar

and to read each other's minds. Additional feelings of anger, sadness and

embarrassment were reported by identical female twins who described having

been mistaken for each other. One identical female twin reported her most

unique experience led to the realisation that being a twin seemed to be an oddity.

She recalled feeling surprised at the number of pupils who volunteered to show

her around the school but also noted that this caused her to feel reserved. She

said: "I felt they were based on my attraction as a twin, not me." Positive

emotions were reported by an identical female twin who described attending a

twin convention. She recalled the feeling of power to be amongst other twins

and said it felt wonderful to be at home. Other identical twins reported that

being able to share each other's emotions and being aware of each other's feelings

even when apart, were unique experiences for them. Some identical twins

reported they had the ability to communicate with each other nonverbally. For

example, one twin described that she and her sister could have conversations

with each other without saying anything. Describing a unique experience one

male identical twin reported that although his brother lived in another part of

the country their lives ran in parallel. He also reported feeling amused when he

and his twin were mistaken for one another. Other identical male twins

described being different, dressing the same and doing the same things as unique

experiences.

Positive effect was present in the responses of fraternal twins regarding

their unique experiences. One fraternal twin said sharing birthdays together and

having experiments conducted on them made her feel special while another felt

special because she shared her life with another who is the closest person in the

world to her. Some fraternal twins reported unique experiences that appeared to

be coincidentally timed. For example, one twin reported that she and her sister

became ill with measles, at the same time, even though they lived in different

parts of the country. She also felt she had a sixth sense because she and her sister

would phone each other up at the same time. Another twin reported coming

out dressed like her sister despite their efforts to wear something different.

Close siblings were positively affected by their unique experiences. One

sibling reported feeling confident when out with her close sibling sister because

138 she knew her sister would agree with what she was saying. Another said that

her close sibling made her feel important when she supported him. She also

reported that this was reciprocal. Working as a team was reported to be a unique

experience of another close sibling. This sibling stated " ... our reactions to outside

stresses tended to draw us closer together." A series of experiences described by

one sibling seemed coincidental and served to strengthen the sibling

relationship. For example, one reported such things as buying each other the

same book for Christmas and buying a new car of the same make and model at

the same time. Other siblings described the comfort they received from their

sibling relationship as unique.

Effect on emotional experiences:

In the present study the emotional experiences arising from twinship

differed from those that arose from having a sibling close in age. A number of

identical twins reported that twinship had affected their emotional experiences

regarding other relationships. "It has affected us in the way we would always

like to be close together. We don't really need anybody else, even our husbands

felt that to a degree ... " "We had from an early age total communication. It gave

us a lot of emotional security. It also stunted our emotional growth, because we

did not have to work on other relationships, we could take it or leave it..." "The

close relationship with my twin sister tended to shut our mother out..."

"Perhaps we did not feel the need of close male friends and made less effort to

make friends ... " "I'm pretty sure the closeness we had as kids was something I

expected to find in a partner relationship ... " Other identical female twins

reported being affected by such things as reliance on the twinship, comparison,

competition and separate identities. For example, one twin reported finding it

hard to be on her own later on in her life but added: "it's lovely having someone

always there to talk to and know how you're feeling ... " Another reported finding

it difficult to be herself when identities and emotions have been linked into

someone else for years. She also expressed her lack of motivation to make

conversation with others. Comparison for one identical twin made her feel like

a freak in a circus and as if nobody was interested in the 'real' her. One twin

reported how even small performances make a significant impact on her self­

esteem. One fraternal male twin said he no longer feels competitive toward his

twin brother but described ambivalent emotions towards him when he achieves

because it feels as if they are separating. A female fraternal reported feeling

139 annoyed because other people have accused her of lying about being a twin.

Another female fraternal reported that her emotions were her own but said: "I

do find that my twin type and I have closer emotional states at the same time ... "

Some close siblings highlighted the positive role having a sibling close in

age can have on their emotional experiences. One sibling reported that being

emotionally close not only helped them in certain situations but also accelerated

their emotional development. Another described being more aware of how to

make people feel secure because of her sibling relationship while another stated

her sibling relationship provided a safety net. The emotional experiences of

other siblings close in age were negatively affected by their sibling relationship.

For example, one felt a sense of competition between her and her sister regarding

boyfriends. Another attributed her inability to commit herself to relationships,

to the relationship she had with her sibling. Siblings from separate pairings

reported the difficulties that they or their siblings have had in expressing

themselves to each other emotionally.

Parents:

One of the temptations facing the parents of twins is to treat them the

same, rather than as individuals. For twins this situation can led to feelings of

anger, frustration and confusion about their individual identity and importance

(Goshen-Gottstein, 1980). After reviewing the literature on the implications of

parenting twins Showers & McCleery (1984) urged parents to encourage twins,

especially identical twins, to establish their own identities and sense of self

worth. One way of achieving this is for parents of twins to make distinctions

between them (Schave & Ciriello, 1983). Dressing twins the same, for example, is

likely to impede rather than enhance individuality and may be detrimental to

later psycho-emotional development (Tourrette, Robin & Josse, 1989).

Responses from many of the twins taking part in the present study tended

to corroborate these earlier findings. For identical twins who experienced being

treated as individuals by their parents, positive effect occurred. In addition to

feeling happy, special, lucky, proud, some identical twins reported that this

treatment experience helped them establish a sense of individuality, identity, self

worth and emotional security.

Accordingly, for some identical twins, being treated the same by parents

aroused negative emotion. Being dressed alike, sharing bedrooms and attending

the same school engendered feelings of anger, frustration and resentfulness as

140 well as fostering dependency and competition within the twinship. Their

feelings of self worth were also affected. In contrast, fraternal twins and close

siblings, who had been treated the same by their parents, reported that this

treatment experience had promoted a sense of independence and individuality.

Although experiences involving differential treatment were reported by

close siblings only, there were similarities in the way close siblings experienced

differential treatment and the way identical twins experienced being treated the

same. For example, differential treatment for close siblings elicited negative

emotion and affected their sense of self worth and self esteem. Relationships

siblings had with each other and their parents were also affected by differential

treatment.

Some twins and close siblings also reported how the role of parent(s) had

contributed to their emotional experiences. Twins reported feeling important,

happy and joyful when their parents supported and understood their twin

relationship. However, some twins reported negative emotion such as feeling

misunderstood when parental support and understanding had not been given.

Experiences eliciting negative effect were also reported by close siblings.

However, from their responses it was difficult to clarify the particular role these

parents had played in relation to these experiences.

School:

The findings show school experiences for twins evoked negative emotion

more often and positive emotion less often than was the case for siblings close in

age. In particular, twins were affected negatively at school by separation,

comparison, competition and second-best experiences.

The question of separation in school is one all families with twins must

face. What seems important is who makes the decision for twins to separate. In

a large scale study Gleeson, Hay and Theobald (1990) found that the wishes of

twins were not considered important by teachers who separated them even

though 33% of parents had indicated to teachers that their twins were being

negatively affected by separation. Results from the present study add some

weight to these findings. Identical female twins who experienced involuntary

separation at school were left feeling distressed, distraught, annoyed, awful and

uncertain. In addition, involuntary separation led some twins to believe that

they were less capable than their twin. According to Gleeson and colleagues

there is a popular belief that twins who share the same class became over reliant

141 on one another, thus impeding their individual development. However, the

findings from the present study show that sharing the same class or classes may

be advantageous for the development of twins. For example, fraternal twins

who were in the same class felt this situation enabled them to help each other

better understand their school work and helped them study. They also reported

there was always someone on hand for advice and companionship.

The present findings revealed comparison at school was an experience

from which many twins and a few close siblings had suffered. The strongest

reactions reported were against teachers. Identical female twins felt annoyed,

frustrated, jealous and rebellious when compared to their twin. One fraternal

twin felt riled and close siblings described feeling stupid, resentful and jealous.

Knock, (1966) contends that the constant comparison to which twins are

subjected makes them rivalrous, competitive and self-conscious, effects which

were apparent in the present study. According to Knock the comparison of two

people can sometimes result in one being presented as 'second-best'.

Experiences of being second-best were reported by twins and close siblings.

Although these experiences yielded a higher number of negative emotions for

twins the feelings and situations evoked by these experiences were similar for

both twins and close siblings. Emotions such as annoyance, sadness, guilt,

resentment, envy, inadequacy, jealousy and depression were reported by twins.

Close siblings recalled feeling humiliated, jealous, inadequate and depressed.

Interestingly, ambivalent feelings characterised some responses. For example,

one fraternal twin reported feeling jealous and envious of her sister who had

gained a higher mark at school but also felt proud of her sister's achievement.

A close sibling described feeling resentful towards her brother because of his

school achievements but also recalled feeling admiration for him.

These differences in emotional reaction may be explained by what Tesser

(1986) calls the 'reflection process'. According to Tesser (1986) the reflection

process can be initiated when the performance of a person who is emotionally

close to us is of high quality. Reflection occurs when successes of close others,

make us feel good about ourselves. However, under some conditions, the high

quality performances of close others, threaten how we feel about ourselves,

making us feel like a failure by comparison. Such situations invoke the

comparison process. According to Tesser an important factor determining

whether 'reflection' or 'comparison' will occur is the relevance of the other's

142 successes or personal qualities to our own self-definition. For twins, reflection

will most likely occur in a non-definitional domain whereas comparison

inevitably presents problems. For the twin who ends up second best it is likely

that their twin's success will threaten their self evaluation and make them feel

like a failure by comparison. However, the security for twins of having a close

other present (Schave & Ciriello, 1983) may counteract any negative feelings that

may arise from a diminished sense of self.

Adolescence:

Twins in the present study experience more negative emotion and less

positive emotion during adolescence than siblings close in age. Their responses

reported feelings of inadequacy, anger, uncertainty, and confusion. For some

twins puberty also impacted on their twin relationship. For example, identical

female twins reported that puberty had created an emotional distance between

them and changed their sharing experience. A male fraternal twin described it as

a time of emotional upheaval for him due to physical differences between his

brother and himself. This confirms what Bryan (1992) noted in her book 'Twins,

. Triplets and More', that differential development between fraternal twin pairs

can be a very disturbing time for the twin who is left behind. Interestingly, the

small number of twins who reported that their relationship was unaffected by

puberty attributed this to experiencing the same feelings as their twin. In

comparison to twins, fewer close siblings reported being affected by puberty either

as individuals or in their sibling relationship.

Although feelings were not revealed in some of the responses from twins,

attempts at establishing a separate identity seemed to be an important issue for

twins during adolescence. Wearing different clothes, different hairstyles,

attending different schools were some of the ways in which twins tried to attain

an identity separate from their twin. Only a small number of close siblings

reported attempting to establish a separate identity. They achieved this by

behaving differently.

Findings from a survey of 600 adult twins and their parents showed

adolescence to be time of conflict for twins (Rosambeau, 1987). However,

adolescent twins may not display conflict towards each other as much as

previously thought. The findings of the present study showed that friction

experiences reported by identical female and fraternal twins elicited fewer

negative emotions than the friction experiences of close siblings.

143 In an unpublished study Nairn (1992) noted a number of positive

experiences occurring for twins during adolescence. The responses from

identical female and fraternal twins in the current study confirm this finding.

Emotion such as feeling happy, good, trusted, confident, proud, secure, and loved

were evoked by positive experiences of being on the same wavelength,

interpreting each other's thoughts and actions, sharing birthdays, and attending

social gatherings together. Close siblings reported fewer positive emotions but

described the sharing aspect of their relationship.

Some twins and close siblings in the present study reported being a twin,

or having a sibling close in age, had affected their career choices. The findings

showed that identical twins were more likely than fraternal twins and close

siblings to choose similar careers. For a few identical female twins who chose

similar careers, common interests were an important factor. Other identical and

fraternal twins and some close siblings gave a variety of reasons for not choosing 1

similar careers.

Relationships:

Descriptions from the current study show that while twins appear to

experience many of the same relationship difficulties as siblings close in age, they

experience significantly more negative and less positive emotion than _non

twins. Several investigators (Ainslie, 1985; Rosambeau, 1987; Sandbank, 1988)

and others who have studied twins at various stages of their development have

testified to the difficulties twins face in their relationships with those outside the

twinship. One such difficulty arises from the expectation that twins share a

uniquely close and intimate relationship in which each twin is attuned to the

thoughts and feelings of the other twin. The findings of the present study appear

to support these beliefs. "Twins must differ because of the telepathy they share

knowing exactly what the other is thinking." " ... We know instinctively how the

other feels. It's almost like keeping in touch with your other self ... " were

described by identical twins who considered their emotional experiences differed

from siblings close in age. An identical twin believed the bond she shared with

her twin was established before they were born. In an observational study of

fraternal twin pairs before birth Piontelli (1989) found evidence suggesting that

the emotional relationship between twins has it origins in the womb. Other

twins in the study attributed their differing emotional experiences to the special

treatment they received as twins as well as to shared experiences. While over

144 half (60%) of identical female twins and 40% of fraternal twins reported that their

emotional experiences differed from those of siblings close in age, not all twins

could describe how they differed. Perhaps twins themselves come to expect that

their twin relationship should be characterised by a certain level of emotional

differentiation. Equally the absence of responses from twins could substantiate

the findings of Ainslie (1985) that not all twin relationships conform to the

beliefs and expectations that others have of them.

Further difficulties for twins regarding relationships can arise from within

the twinship. For example, many twins reported that their twinship had made it

difficult for them to make friends. "We expected the same things from them

[friends] that we had from each other ... When we felt our friends had been

disloyal we felt very hurt. .. " " ... My sister and I didn't make small talk and still

find this very hard. It was difficult learning to communicate because most of my

life I'd been with someone who didn't have to be told what I was thinking or

feeling ... " were typical responses to the difficulties experienced by other twins

who endeavoured to form relationships with friends.

A further finding related to the awareness identical female twins and one

fraternal twin had concerning the difficulties others have in forming

relationships with twins. This was especially true of close twinships and

appeared to affect significant others. For example, one twin reported: "My

relationship with my mother was not as close as my sister and myself, we would

shut her out in times of real emotion." Among the twins that reported

relationship difficulties the finding showed not only had they experienced

trouble trusting friends with their feelings but they also held back from making

friends.

Identical female twins confirmed the above findings when describing how

being a twin had hindered other relationships. They reported being unable to

make small talk, unable to trust anyone except their twin and having very high

expectations of other relationships. Emotionally these situations impacted on

twins individually as well as on their twin relationship. Negative emotions

were also aroused in fraternal twins who considered their twinship had

hindered them in making friends. One attribut~d this to the fact that she was not

seen as an individual and described feeling resentful and lonely. Another twin

felt deprived and depressed. In comparison a small number of close siblings

described how their sibling relationship had hindered them forming other

145 relationships but no emotion was reported. In the present study twins and dose

siblings, in answer to this question, considered that being a twin or having a

close sibling helped them form other relationships. Sharing friends, learning to

socialise and being able to get close to someone characterised their responses.

A difficulty for same sex twins can arise when both members of a pair are

attracted to the same person. In the present study 60% of identical female twins

reported having experienced this situation and several twins described the

emotional impact this had on them and their twin relationship. For example,

one twin stated how this had led to competition, especially in terms of

appearance, affecting her self-confidence and self-esteem. Another twin

explained that she felt threatened when this happened which caused some

friction between her twin and herself. Comparatively few close sibling females

reported being attracted to the same person and only one described being

emotionally affected by this. She reported feeling angry and jealous towards her

sister.

Popularity or unpopularity feelings for twins in the present study seemed

related to their roles within the twinship. For example, the twin reported to be

the more popular of the pair was described as the leader, the more outgoing and

extroverted member. Because popularity was associated with such things as

number of friends, intelligence and appearance, this led to those who considered

themselves unpopular feeling lonely, inhibited, second-best, less intelligent and

less attractive. For many twins these roles changed over time, however one

identical twin reported that the feelings attached to unpopularity still continue.

Male identical twins reported that popularity was not an issue for them.

Many of the issues reported by twins regarding popularity such as having

more friends and being more outgoing also characterised the responses of close

siblings. In addition a few felt more popular than their sibling because of the

parental favouritism they received. Close siblings did not report any emotion

attached to these experiences, and the roles within close sibling relationships

concerning feelings of popularity or unpopularity, appeared to be more stable

than those of twins.

When describing positive emotion they felt for other siblings in their

family, identical female twins also noted the strength of their feelings for each

other. "I really love them very much. I would feel awful if something happened

to them, but it would destroy me if something happened to my twin" exclaimed

146 one. Another said "I love them all, but they are not necessary for my basic

. survival physically, mentally and emotionally." In contrast one identical female

reported not feeling close to her brother and thus was not affected by him the

same way. She also said: "If he does well I am pleased for him. I don't feel a

twinge of inadequacy in comparison ... ! feel more comfortable about my brother."

Fraternal twins reported the emotion they felt for other siblings in their

family. One male fraternal described feeling bitter towards his older brother

when he would hit his twin. A female fraternal reported feeling annoyed at her

younger sister, while another felt lucky to have a sister and brother.

Close siblings reported positive and negative effect in describing their

feelings towards other siblings in their family. One sibling reported feeling

jealous because of the attention her twin sisters received. Another female sibling

reported feeling disinterested and uncomfortable with her brothers while

another felt comfortable and protective of her younger siblings.

Partnerships:

The findings of the present study show that the experienced emotion

relating to partnerships (marriage, de facto/ other) for twins were similar to those

of siblings close in age. When describing the experiences twins reported slightly

more positive and less negative emotion than siblings close in age. Twins,

especially identical twins, indicated the difficulty some twins experience

separating emotionally from their twin. "I felt pulled two ways. It was hard

letting go of my twin" was described. Another twin reacted to her sister's

partnership commitment by withdrawing and isolating herself. She said: "It was

as if the emotional closeness and special sharing we had was transferred to her

new relationship ... " Some twins experienced ambivalent feelings towards the

twin who was first to marry. For example, one twin felt betrayed but was also

happy for her sister. Another said she was very happy but felt sad at the news of

her sister's engagement. Fraternal twins used the experience of the partnership

commitment of their twin as an opportunity to form their own identity and

sense of independence.

Negative emotions of disappointment, resentment, guilt, anger and

shame were recalled by siblings close in age who were first to make a partnership

commitment or whose close sibling was first. Positive emotions such as feeling

happy, lucky and surprised were also reported.

In her book 'Twins and the family' Audrey Sandbank (1988) noted that

147 twins can have high expectations regarding their partnerships with others. They

may, for example, assume that their partner will know what they are thinking

and feeling. In the present study this situation occurred for some identical

female twins who reported difficulties in marriage due to being a twin. For

example, one twin reported: "My husband's favourite line was "do you expect

me to read your mind?" and yes I did ... l'd never had to communicate what I

wanted or felt...For the sake of my marriage I had to learn this ... " Another found

it hard adjusting to a husband who was unable to read her mind. Most of the

twins who responded to this question found it difficult to be separated from their

twin and all reported the problem their husbands had in accepting their twin

relationship.

Some of the issues which affected the marriages of twins also affected the

marriages of siblings close in age. For example, some close siblings reported

difficulties arose because their husbands could not accept their sibling

relationship. 11I feel a sense of having to choose" described one. Another felt

torn when her husband was uncomplimentary towards her brother. Negative

effect was reported by one sibling whose brother interfered with her marriage

relationship.

Having boyfriends created difficulties for identical female twins and one

close sibling. Being compared, aroused negative affect in one twin, while others

reported communicating and not being able to gain acceptance and

understanding from boyfriends. A close sibling described how she felt about her

boyfriend taking her sister out instead of her. She said "I tend to feel as if all my

boyfriends will like her."

Several researchers (see Schave & Ciriello, 1983; Anderson, 1985; Vollmar,

1986) and others have shown that twinship can enable twins to better understand

the dynamics of other relationships. The results of the present study tend to

confirm these earlier findings. A high percentage of twins, from all three groups,

felt that being a twin had contributed to their partnerships. They reported

attributes such as being more sensitive, more aware and less selfish as well as

being able to share and interact closely with another. Partnership contributions

for close siblings differed from twins. One sibling reported that having a sibling

close in age proved she was capable of establishing an emotional bond with

others. Another said that it gave her a standard to try for in other relationships.

A male sibling described how having a close sibling sister added another

148 dimension to his social life.

The reluctance of some twins, in the present study, to make a partnership

commitment seemed to be a consequence of always having their twin around.

This was especially true for identical female twins. "She was like another

partner11 recalled one twin. Another wrote of the comfortable feelings associated

with having her sister close by. Because many of these twins described never

feeling alone or lonely it is not surprising that the difficulty for some in

establishing a new partnership was the fear of loneliness. There was, however,

one identical female twin who desired to be alone and accepted as an individual

because she had felt tied to her twin most of her life. Another described feelings

of regret because she married so young before doing more of the things she and

her sister had hoped to do together.

Responses from close siblings indicated that having a sibling close in age

was more likely to affect their desire to make a partnership commitment in a

positive way. "I think it made me extraordinarily committed" wrote one.

Another sibling who reported having a close relationship with her sibling,

sought and found these same qualities in her marriage relationship. Other

siblings wrote of how their sibling relationship enabled them to know what to

look for in other relationships. Other siblings reported that having a sibling

close in age had negatively affected their desire to make partnership

commitments. Emotionally one sibling withdrew from other relationships

which left her feeling isolated. Another female sibling who had not yet made a

partnership commitment, felt her desire to do so related to the strong

relationship she shares with her sibling sister. She said "I feel jealous and don't

want her to be hurt or taken advantage of ... 11

Separation:

Separation can be a traumatic event in the lives of twins (Rosambeau,

1985) which is why parents of twins are encouraged to take opportunities to

separate them early on in their lives (Clegg & Woollett, 1983; Showers &

McCleery, 1984). In the present study, separation experiences aroused more

negative emotion and less positive emotion for twins than for siblings close in

age. Experiences of first separation were clearly significant in highlighting the

difficulty for some twins emotionally, in adjusting to being separated from each

other. For example, identical female and fraternal twins described feeling

worried, sad, lonely, unhappy, lost, cut in half, upset, distraught, anxious and

149 jealous as they recalled being separated from their twin for the first time at

school or because of a stay in hospital. First separation experiences for identical

male twins and some close siblings occurred at a later stage in their lives. There

were no emotions described by identical males. One close sibling reported the

separation as a heavy blow while some siblings reported feeling pleased and

freed at being separated. Additional first separation experiences aroused feelings

of loneliness, fear and worry for other close siblings. Similarly, the most difficult

separation experiences for many identical female twins occurred at a later stage

in their lives. One identical female twin said: "The marriage of my twin ... was

the most traumatic experience of my life. It felt like bereavement and I was

completely lost and lonely." Another described the marriage of her sister as the

final break. She also added "we both felt very badly." For other identical twins

difficult separation experiences were when they or their twin travelled or moved

away to another city. Feelings of loneliness, unhappiness and isolation were

elicited by these experiences. For other identical and fraternal twins, going

separate ways aroused emotions such as fear, loneliness and isolation. One twin

said it felt like something was missing. Another described feeling separate.

For some close siblings, difficult separation experiences occurred when

they or their sibling moved from home. They described feelings of depression

and isolation. One sibling reported feeling a huge sense of loss. Other close

siblings described feelings of anger and pride.

In LThe Psychology of Separation and Loss' the authors note that

separation can be growth promoting. This was evident in the present study from

the responses describing long-term effects of separation for twins. Some reported

how separation had assisted them to develop their individual personalities,

forced them to establish other relationships, and encouraged them to include

others. These effects were also evident in the descriptions from some close

siblings. Other twins reported negative emotion when describing the long-term

effects of separation. For one twin, the news that her sister was moving, left her

feeling numb and devastated. Another twin reported how separation had made

her more conscious of what the death of herself or her sister would mean. She

said "It scares me not to have my sister around somewhere .. "

Loss:

Writers who have focussed on twins, have described the impact that the

death of a twin has on the single surviving twin. Twins in the present study,

150 had not experienced the death of their twin therefore it is difficult to substantiate

any of the above findings. Some twins did describe how they might feel if they

were to lose their twin. One identical female twin reported "Hopefully I will die

first...Losing her would be like part of myself dying ... I can imagine if my partner

dies and how I would cope, but not when I think of my twin." A fraternal twin

was thankful that her twin was still living and added she would feel devastated

if she were to die.

One close sibling who lost his brother described it as a deep sense of loss.

He also reported that he had stopped participating in activities that he and his

brother did together. In the present study, like twins, some close siblings also

described how they would feel if their sibling were to die. One described feeling

fearful at the thought of being left alone while another said " ... I'd just fall apart. I

can't even comprehend life without her."

III. SUMMARY AND CONCLUSION The results of the present work support the earlier conclusions that in the

course of development, twin experiences, especially for identical female twins,

elicit more negative than positive feelings. In addition, the findings show when

twin experiences are compared with the experiences of siblings close in age the

latter will tend to experience more positive and less negative emotion.

The disparity between twins and siblings close in age in reported emotion

seems surprising, given their apparent similarity of experiences. It is possible,

however, that the extent to which various issues and events impinge on the

lives of twins makes them more vulnerable emotionally. This is especially true

because other persons are likely to contribute significantly to effectual

experiences in their dealings with twins .rather than close siblings. The results of

the present study show that when twins are treated as a single unit rather than as

individuals, have their identities mistaken, are stared at, are subjected to

constant comparison and unrealistic expectations or forced to separate from their

twin, they are likely to experience a wide range of negative emotions. Many of

these influences come to bear on twins in the school environment.

Furthermore these situations may perpetuate competition and dependency

within the twinship and contribute to a loss of self-identity and to low self­

esteem and self-confidence.

The data show that twinship presented problems for twins in their

151 relationships with others. For some it made difficulties communicating what

they were thinking or feeling. Others expected the same level of closeness they

experienced in their twinship. It was difficult for many twins to establish other

relationships. Emotional indifference may also be experienced by same sex twins

if both members of a pair are attracted to the same person.

During adolescence, puberty appears to strongly impact on the emotions in

twins and to affect their twin relationships, particularly when differential growth

occurs for twin pairs. Attempts by twins to establish a separate identity during

this time seem more pronounced than in siblings close in age. In addition, being

twins will, to some extent, effect the career choices each other makes.

Separation for twins due to marriage, travel or other life events can be a

difficult process to work through, arousing feelings of fear, loneliness and

isolation. In some cases, separation experiences can be traumatic and feel like a

bereavement. In addition, the results of the present study support the findings

of Johnson and Johnson (1982) that separation and identity are linked and can

have emotional consequences for twins.

The data revealed that negative experiences present the greatest difficulties

emotionally for identical female twins, to a lesser degree for fraternal twins,

followed by siblings close in age. It must be acknowledged, however, that male

identical twins in the present study reported significantly less emotion in all

their responses. Therefore it is difficult to know whether these male identical

twins were affected to the same extent by negative experiences or whether they

were unable to express their emotion as readily as female identical twins.

Certainly evidence exists suggesting that self-report measures yield a greater

frequency of experienced emotion for females than males (Shields, 1991).

Clearly not all twin experiences are negative. The results of the present

study emphasise the positive role of emotion in the lives of twins. Friendship,

companionship and understanding inherent in twinship contribute to feelings

of security, happiness and pride in twins. In addition close twin relationships

may mean that they will never feel alone or lonely. Through sharing life

experiences twins learn to be empathetic and develop a number of other

interpersonal skills which may assist them in becoming involved emotionally in

the lives of others. The process of role-switching can be advantageous for twins

emotionally, especially if twins engage in this -process unfettered by the

expectations of others.

152 Responses from twins in the current study suggest that emotional

advantages of twinship can also disadvantage twins emotionally. Twins who

find emotional satisfaction in their twinship may not feel motivated to seek out

other relationships, keeping them dependent on each other for their emotional

needs. It can also set a high standard for other relationships and leave twins

feeling confused, frustrated or disappointed if these standards are not reached.

There is evidence from the study findings that some emotional

experiences are unique to twinship. Unlike siblings close in age, many twins

reported knowing what their twin was thinking or feeling in the absence of any

overt communication. This phenomenon might be explained genetically if it

was solely experienced by identical twins. It could be that these experiences are a

consequence of the emotional bond Piontelli (1989) claimed is formed between

twins in-utero which would account for these experiences occurring for identical

and fraternal twins. Environmental factors such as the style of bringing up

children and common values and attitudes in their families is a further

explanation. If this is the case, why was this phenomenon not reported by

siblings close in age?

The present findings have implications for parenting twins. From the

data it became apparent that the treatment experiences to which twins are

exposed have emotional consequences for them. Twins, especially identical

twins, who receive similar treatment may suffer from poor self-esteem and will

tend to feel frustrated, angry and resentful about their identity. Furthermore this

situation is likely to exacerbate competition and dependency within twinships.

There is also some evidence that twins will benefit emotionally from parenting

that both supports and understands the relationship that twins have with one

another.

These findings lead to the critical question of whether growing up as a

twin is, of itself, a disadvantage emotionally? This is hard to ascertain without

further research. However, the data suggest the closer in age siblings are, the

more emotional impact they tend to have upon each other and the more intense

the emotional involvement is likely to be. They may, for example, share

common experiences and life events which may heighten the probability of

strengthening their emotional ties.

Only careful examination of individual experiences of twins can help us

understand the positive and negative role, emotions actually play in their lives.

153 An understanding of twin experiences may enable others to appreciate the

emotional dynamics of twinship which may in turn have implications for

healthy emotional development in twins.

IV. LIMITATIONS OF THE CURRENT RESEARCH

The open-ended questionnaire used in the present study was lengthy and

time consuming for subjects which may account for some questions being left

unanswered. Evidence of repetition in some of the questions may also have

contributed to questions not being answered.

Further limitations related to the drawbacks inherent in the self-report

method. For example, there were a number of subjects in their 60's and 70's who

commented that they were unable to recall some of the information the

questionnaire required of them. Furthermore it cannot be presumed that

emotion not reported by subjects was not present. For example, it was difficult to

ascertain whether or not the non reporting of emotion was because emotion was

not aroused in an individual in a particular situation, or because individuals

were unable to identify or even express what they were feeling, or because

individuals were unaware of the emotion they were experiencing.

Additional limitations related to measurement: Firstly, the questionnaire

was not designed specifically to measure emotion and there were no attempts to

ascertain reliability or validity. Secondly, a number of terms used to describe

emotion in the questionnaire could not be matched directly to those appearing

on the cluster analysis. It might therefore be assumed that either the cluster

analysis was not representative of emotion used in everyday life, or the words

used by subjects conveyed emotional content rather than actual emotion.

A further limitation relates to the sample size. In the present study, no

attempt was made to balance for twintype or sex, which resulted in a

preponderance of identical female twins. A larger sample would have allowed

for greater generalisability of the results.

V. DIRECTIONS FOR FUTURE RESEARCH

Many questions wait to be answered about the emotion in twins. For

example, if twins have been unable to establish a sense of individuality and

independence from their twin during adolescence, what might be the emotional

implications for adulthood? Do twins who find emotional satisfaction in their

154 twin relationship feel less motivated to seek out and establish other

relationships? If so, does this cause them to become emotionally dependent? Do

twins grow apart emotionally as they grow older? If not, what keeps twins

emotionally close? Is there a relationship between twins who report being

treated the same and those who report being able to read each others thoughts

and feelings? Or would this phenomenon occur anyway? What, if any, are the

long-term consequences of negative emotions experienced by twins? What

impact does negative emotional experience have on the educational

performances of twins? The answers to these questions should not only assist

twins practically in their growing up but also shed some light on the factors

involved in their emotional development.

There are some considerations concerning measurement that researchers

may make if they wish to further investigate emotion in twins. In the current

study the primary concern was to obtain accounts of emotion and its meaning in

the lives of twins. A next step might be to establish alternative, more stringent,

methods of measuring emotion in twins. This can only be achieved with prior

knowledge of the aspects which are important in describing the emotional

experiences of twins. The descriptive accounts of emotional experiences reported

by twins in the current study provides such information. Without this kind of

knowledge, important aspects of the emotional experiences of twins would be

missed.

155

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APPENDIX A

EMOTION IN TWINS QUESTIONNAIRE

(Note: in the original questionnaire lines were provided under

each question.)

158

JElMf (D)TJI(O)N JIN 1r\WlIW§ ~1U'JE§'JI"IT(0)NN &ITfillE

Twintype Identical/ Fraternal (please circle)

Sex M/F (please circle)

GENERAL.

159

Age ___ _ (years)

1) Please describe experiences that have been especially pleasurable because of being a twin.

2) Please describe any experiences that have been particularly difficult for you because of being a twin.

3) Please describe your most disturbing twin experience and the emotional effect this had on you and your twin relationship.

4) As twins perhaps you were stared at - please describe how you felt about this.

5) Please list situations where you have felt responsible for your twin's feelings as well as your own.

6) Please describe any differences in personality between you and your twin.

Have differences in your personalities affected your individual development as twins ?

If so , in what way ?

7) Growing up as twins were you aware of any physical differences between you and your twin ?

If so, what emotional impact, if any, has it had on you or your twin relationship ?

8) Were you ever aware of 'role switching' when you were growing up, that is, swapping positions?

160

If so, please describe some of the emotional experiences that may have been involved.

9) Please describe some of the unique experiences you may have faced as a twin.

How did these experiences make you feel ?

10) Please describe in what way, if any, your twintype (identical / fraternal ) has affected your emotional experiences.

PARENTS.

1) As twins, do you think the way your parents treated you in younger years affected the quality of your individual development ?

If so, what emotional impact, if any, has it had on you or your twin relationship ?

2) As twins I has the role your parents played contributed in any way to your emotional experience ?

If so, please describe the feelings that were aroused.

SCHOOL.

1) Did your parents send you to the same school ?

Were you in the same class ?

If so, please describe how you may have felt about this.

If not, what did you think about being separated ?

2) As a twin, during your school years, please describe some of the more difficult experiences you can recall.

161

How did these experiences make you feel ?

3) During your school years what were some of the most memorable experiences you can recall and how did they make you feel ?

4) Please describe any experiences of competition during your school years.

What effect did these experiences have on you as an individual and your relationship with your twin?

5) As a twin was the experience of being 'second-best' ever a problem for you during school years?

If so, would you please describe what emotion(s) you experienced.

ADOLESCENCE.

1) Do you think puberty had any emotional impact on you or your relationship with your twin?

If so , in what way ?

2) Do you recall experiences of attempting to establish a separate identity from your twin during adolescence.

If so, please describe some of these experiences and the emotions involved.

3) As a twin, please describe some of your positive experiences during adolescence and the feelings involved.

4) During your adolescence can you recall any experiences of friction between you and your twin ?

If so, can you describe the feelings that were aroused?

5) When choosing your careers please describe how being a twin may have affected your choice.

162

RELATIONSHIPS.

1) What effect, if any, has being a twin had on your relationships with others?

Please describe the feelings that were involved.

2) Were there times that either of you felt one twin was more popular than the other ?

Please describe some of these.

3) Were you ever attracted to the sarne person ?

If so, what affect, if any, did this have on you or your relationship with your twin?

4) As twins, has your closeness helped/hindered you forming other relationships?

If so, please describe the emotional impact.

5) As a twin, would you consider your emotional experiences differ in any way, from other sibling relationships which are close in age ?

If so, please describe how they might differ.

6) If there are brothers and/ or sisters in your family please describe your feelings towards them.

PARTNERSHIPS.

1) Which twin was the first to make a relationship commitment (marriage/ de facto/ other)?

How did you ( the other twin ) feel about your twin's partnership ?

If you were the twin in the partnership please describe what emotions you experienced.

(2) Have you experienced any difficulties in your partnership (marriage/

163 de facto/ other)?

If so, please describe the feelings involved.

3) Has being a twin contributed positively to your partnership· (marriage/ de facto/ other)?

If so, please describe the emotions you experienced.

4) Do you think that being a twin has , in any way, affected your desire to make a partnership (marriage/ de facto/ other) commitment?

If so, what emotional impact, if any, has it had on you or your twin relationship?

SEPARATION.

1) Can you recall when you were first separated from your twin ?

What were the circumstances ?

Was it a voluntary separation?

Please describe how you felt about the separation.

2) Please describe your most difficult separation experience and the emotions involved.

3) Do you think there have been any long term effects from the experience of a separation ?

If so, what are they?

LOSS.

1) Is your twin still living?

If your twin has died, at what age did this happen ?

Please describe how this has affected you.

164

Thank you! Name _________ _

(for reference only)

165

APPENDIX B

CLUSTER ANALYSIS

0

10

20

30

40

adorltioti •affection lcM !oadllm liking -.. "'""' -a,mpmxlll -.,.

pie{)· c::un.emem Jic: tluilJ

jollincs, -joviality jo)' ddipt ------jallilmioo --"""'1 capboria

joy (surprise)

~ _,,,.,.----- ..,.........,.,,.,......, '"""'ph hope - smpmc -~ !rustmion

•C)Jllimim, -apl>lion llllDOyaua: ....-.., '"""'"""'

,IDf:C' •lmJllll .CD'I)'

·- - joalousy --!my -boslilily laocily -!wt loatbiDg ,con,

spit, _,fulnc, dislike r,,,111111<"1

-­·or!Jcrirq; hurt ~

sadness

dcprasioo dimay pilt aliawioll

dapair "dmppo!llllllall - -bopdc,mcss cl!spl-,. ...... •r,qka

a1oom """"" loodiness J{rmmas r,jcaion

"sadness -unbappir,ess dcfcaI gicf dcjcaion .,,,.,.. imecmity

- cmbarrl,,malt mi,eey bumilillillo melancholy imlllt

Figure J. Results of a hierarchical cluster analysis of 135 emotion names. (Ouster strength can be deter­mined by referring to numerical scale at left. Asterisks indicate empirically selected subcluster names.)

Source: Shav€r's et al., (1987) cluster analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 1061-1086

fear

~

pity alarm amicl)' •s,mpall,y - ·-fear -frisl,t -·- ~ rmor -,y

pm,ic -hy!l<ria rlrad mortification

APPENDIX C

SUMMARY TABLE OF

CLUSTER ANALYSIS RESULTS

167

Emotion

Subjects Identical twins

Female

Male

Fraternal twins Total for twins

Close siblinqs

Table 3.

Summary Statistics Table for Section B

Cluster analysis Synonyms Self-judged

Positive Negative Positive Negative Positive Negative

(N) (F) (N) (F) (N) (F) (N) (F) (N) (F) (N) (F)

6 12 27 79 4 10 19 31 9 18 50 78 3 3 1 1 - - - - 1 1 - -6 11 18 54 4 7 10 12 11 15 25 33 15 26 46 134 8 17 29 43 21 34 75 111 8 32 24 113 11 32 17 22 24 39 35 42

Emotion names (N) and frequency (F) reported by twins and close siblings evaluated as positive or negative in one of three ways according to Shavers et al., (1987) cluster analysis.