Autonomy and Interdependence in theFamily of Adulthood: A PsychologicalPerspective1

Bertram J. Cohler, PhD:

Popular discussions of family life in contemporarysociety have provided a rather bleak characterizationof a social institution believed to be more fragile anddisorganized than in past times. Although continuingpersonal ties with other family members is under-stood as important in tempering the impact both ofrole strain and overload and also of adverse lifeevents, it has been maintained that urban life is in-consistent with the maintenance of such family ties.Detailed studies of relations within the modified ex-tended family characteristic of urban society, how-ever, have shown high rates of contact across genera-tions, together with acknowledgement of mutualobligations perceived as important by family mem-bers.

Consideration of the role of adult family life as afactor determining personal adjustment reveals adual paradox. The first results from the use ofpsychological formulations concerning the develop-ment of the mother-infant bond as the basis for por-traying relations within the family of adulthood.These psychological formulations stress the impor-tance of attaining personal autonomy and self-reliance for continuing adjustment in ways which areinconsistent with the extent of mutual caring andinterdependence actually reported among adultswithin the family. A second paradox results from theassumption that older family members may feel par-ticularly isolated from continuing family ties. Notonly do reports of life within the multi-generationfamily contradict this assumption but, ironically, thevery continuing obligations and responsibilitieswhich are incurred by older family members acrossadulthood may be experienced as adversely affectingmorale after midlife. Indeed, the most importantcontribution of these family ties to personal adjust-ment across the second half of life may well be sup-port of personal autonomy rather than the inter-

'Discussions with Dr. Henry Grunebaum; Professors Bernice Neugarten,Morton A. Lieberman, and Gunhild Hagestad; Mrs. Scott Geyer; and boththe students and staff of Social Sciences 121-122-123 in the College of theUniversity of Chicago (particularly Professors Ralph Nicholas and SusanneHoeber Rudolph) were of great value in clarifying the issues discussed in thispaper.

•William Rainey Harper Professor of Social Sciences in the College andProfessor in the Departments of Behavioral Science (Committee on HumanDevelopment), Education, and Psychiatry, University of Chicago, Chicago,IL 60637.

dependence so important in fostering personaladjustment earlier in adulthood.

The Social Context of Family Life

On the basis of studies of the family across socialstrata and within diverse sub-cultures, it is clear thatthe modal family arrangement in contemporaryAmerican society is the modified extended family.Although not necessarily sharing a common resi-dence, family members live close to each other andexchange both tangible resources and help andassistance (Hill et al., 1970; Litwak, 1960 a, b; Shanas,1961, 1973, 1979; Sussman, 1965; Young & Geertz,1961; Uzoka, 1979). It is part of the American ro-mance with the rural past to believe that urbanizationresulted in the destruction of a tightly knit extendedfamily. Available evidence suggests that this form offamily organization never really existed in Americansociety (Demos, 1979), and it is possible that it has notexisted in Europe since the Renaissance (Laslett,1977).

Critics of urbanization such as Park and Burgess(1925) and Wirth (1938) maintained that the very di-versity of urban life tends to dissolve primary bondsand that the social and geographic mobility believedto be characteristic of American society is incompati-ble with the continuation of extended family ties(Parsons, 1949). However, as Haller (1961) observed,the diversity of urban life offers a variety of occupa-tional choices not possible in small towns. Availabil-ity of work enhances the possibility that generationswithin the family can continue to live in proximity.

Findings from studies of Litwak (1960a, 1960b,1965), Komarovsky (1962), Reiss (1962), Leichter andMitchell (1967), Adams (1968, 1970), Shanas (1961,1973, 1979), Rosenberg and Anspach (1973), Rubin(1976) and Bengtson and Treas (1980), all show thaturban life uniquely supports the existence of a mod-ified-extended family across the life course. Accord-ing to the Harris survey (1975), more than half of thepersons aged 80 or older still provide material assis-tance for their own middle-aged and older offspring.Contact between family members is easier in the citythan in the country and is facilitated by mass transitand decreased distance between residences of adultgenerations. Indeed, Shanas' surveys have consis-tently shown that 80 or 90% of older urban residents

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had visited with an adult child within the week priorto the survey. Findings such as those reviewed hereshow quite clearly the extent of contact which existsamong family members in contemporary urban soci-ety: frequent contact and acknowledgement of re-ciprocal obligations and responsibilities appear to bethe norm. However, as Troll, Miller and Atchley(1979) have observed, much less is known about theaffective quality of relations within the family ofadulthood than about the structural characteristics ofthose relationships.

Although older persons continue as importantmembers of the larger family group and are muchless isolated from ties to relatives than has been sug-gested by critical discussions of family life in contem-porary society, findings from studies of older per-sons and their relatives have shown that participationin family life may be less satisfying for family mem-bers after middle age. Continued family responsi-bility among older persons may be associated withlower morale and increased psychological distress,particularly among older women (Cohler & Lieber-man, 1981; Hess & Waring, 1978; Jackson, 1971; Jack-son & Walls, 1979; Kerchoff,1966; Kutneretal.,1956;Maas & Kuypers, 1974; Mostwin, 1979; Rosow, 1967).Findings from these studies suggest, in the terms firstused by Rosenmayr and Kockeis (1963), that olderpersons seek "intimacy at a distance." Appreciationof the developmental perspective in studies of olderpersons and their families also suggest there may belittle continuity across the course of life in the impor-tance of either interdependence or autonomy withinthe family as determinants of positive morale or per-sonal adjustment (Mancini et al., 1980).

Psychological Perspectives on the Family

Formulations of personality development throughmidlife have not been consonant with the reality ofthe high degree of interdependence which has beenshown to characterize relations within the mul-tigenerational family of adulthood. These develop-mental formulations are generally based on theassumption that the mother-child tie of infancy andearly childhood is prototypic of personal rela-tionships across the course of life and that psycho-logical autonomy rather than interdependence is theoptimal mode of adjustment among adults (Cold-farb, 1965, 1969).

The development of attachment, and of the child'stie to the mother, has been approached from theperspectives of learning theory, ethology, andpsychoanalysis. The social learning approach, pro-posed by Cewirtz (1972,1976) and, in somewhat lessexperimental terms, by Maccoby and Masters (1970),focuses primarily on the development of attachmentin early childhood (Yarrow, 1972). Particularly inCewirtz's formulation, a distinction has been madebetween attachment, referring to a specific other,and dependence, referring to ties to a group ofothers, such as mothers and teachers, viewed by thechild as functionally equivalent and understood interms of the same laws of learning. Ethological and

psychoanalytic approaches to the study of attach-ment may be more relevant to the study of the familyof adulthood than the social learning approach,emphasizing attachment and dependence in earlychildhood.

Particularly as employed in the work of Bowlby(1969, 1970, 1973, 1980), and Ainsworth and her col-leagues (Ainsworth, 1967; Ainsworth etal., 1978), theethological approach assumes that the capacity forsatisfying interpersonal relations exists from birth, asearlier noted by Klein (1950). It is assumed that anattachment tie, leading to the formation of depen-dence upon the mother, will develop if properly sup-ported during certain critical periods during earlychildhood. Evidence for the existence of this attach-ment response is seen in the protest reactions oftoddlers to the mother's temporary absence in anexperimental task. Because the need for care andsupport is innate, perceived failure to provide thiscare threatens survival, evoking protest, anxiety and,in the absence of sustained care, apathy and despair.

The ethological approach also assumes that thechild's attachment to the caretaker becomes in-creasingly organized across the first year of life and isconsistent with more recent life-course formulationswhich maintain that the sense of well-being conse-quent upon a specific tie to the mother representsthe prototype of attachment across the course of life(Antonucci, 1976; Lerner & Ryff, 1978; Troll, 1980).Kalish and Knudtson (1976) and Henderson (1977)have proposed that even very old persons strive tomaintain a need-based dependency that leads to in-creased feelings of mastery and control over the en-vironment. Recent reviews of the literature on attach-ment, social networks, and life stress by Henderson(1980) and Mueller (1980) have also suggested thatsuccessful adjustment across adulthood dependsupon the presence of an extensive, mutually suppor-tive social network that tempers the impact of rolestrains and hazardous life events.

Mahler and her colleagues (Mahler et al., 1975;Mahler, 1979) have described an alternative, interac-tional formulation of the course of development ofsocial ties, based on the concept of separation-individuation. Based on Mahler's earlier studies ofsymbiotic psychosis among children who seemedunable to separate from their mothers and to havemerged with them, leading to psychological fusion ofmother and child (Mahler, 1968), Mahler and hercolleagues began long-term studies of the mother-child relationship within well families. As a result ofcareful observation, Mahler has described a numberof stages across the first three years of life, the resolu-tion of which results in the more or less successfuldevelopment of psychological autonomy. Thesephases of development represent the infant as hatch-ing from an autistic envelope during the first weeksof life into a close mother-infant relationship inwhich the infant develops a symbiotic bond in orderto obtain satisfaction of basic needs.

The normal mother-child fusion is disrupted by thetoddler's increased locomotion, which leads to therealization that mother and child are indeed not a

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single entity. At first the child retreats back into themother's arms but as object constancy, or the capac-ity to form an image of the mother even in her physi-cal absence gradually develops, the child can beginto practice independent functioning which, in time,leads to psychological autonomy. Similar portrayalsof the course of social development have been pro-vided by Fairbairn (1952) and Cuntrip (1961), whodescribe a developmental line from infantile to ma-ture dependence, with increasing psychic autonomyfrom the caretaker, leading to stable ego-identi-fications and psychological independence. Althoughbased on a quite different understanding of thecourse of psychic development, A. Freud's (1965)discussion of the developmental line of dependencyto emotional self-reliance also assumes increased ob-ject constancy and psychic autonomy across earlychildhood.

From the perspective of the separation-individ-uation formulation, the problem for most personsacross the life course is maintenance of object con-stancy, the continuing sense of psychological auton-omy separate from others. Later feelings of panic andanxiety are understood as the consequence ofthreatened separations, which interfere with thesearch for a return to the comfort of infancy whenmother and child were experienced by the child as asingle entity. As a result of the failure to resolvesuccessfully earlier issues in the development ofseparation-individuation, many adults are believedto be unable to differentiate between their ownneeds and those of others, continuing to seek com-fort and satisfaction from relationships which mightprovide comfort similar to that earlier sought in theundifferentiated mother-child unit of infancy (Lewis& Landis, 1979; McDevitt & Settlage, 1971; Panel,1973 a, b, c; Pollock, 1964).

The problem with both the attachment and separa-tion-individuation formulations is that they cannotaccount for the degree of interdependence which ischaracteristic of the multigenerational family unitand which, at least through middle age, is of suchimportance in fostering positive adjustment amongadults (Bowen, 1978). Boszormenyi-Nagy and Spark(1973) have spoken of this continuing interdepen-dence as representing "invisible loyalties," emph-asizing the extent to which family members appreci-ate their reciprocal responsibilities to each other.True psychological autonomy must be understood asa kind of relational autonomy which

. . . pictures the individual as retaining a modified yet fullyresponsible and sensitively concerned dialogue with theoriginal family members. In this sense, the individual canbe liberated to engage in full, wholly personal relationshipsonly to the extent that he has become capable of respond-ing to parental devotion with concern on his part, and withthe realization that receiving is intrinsically connected withowing in return, (p. 105)

Personal autonomy and identity cannot be under-stood apart from the family as a whole, in a mannersimilar to the concept of family identity as formulatedby Hess and Handel (1959), Handel (1967), and Cohler

and Grunebaum (1981). Definitions of personalidentity must be understood in terms of the largercollective definition of the family as a unit (Lynd,1958; McCall & Simmons, 1978). Boszormenyi-Nagyand Spark also observe that

Autonomy is a misleading concept unless understood inrelationship terms. It should encompass the capacity forrebalancing between vertical and horizontal commitments,rather than abandonment of the former, (p. 106)

Psychological autonomy is only relative and isembedded within the larger loyalty commitment re-ciprocally shared by all family members (van denHeuvel, 1976).

A third perspective on personality development,based on Kohut's (1971, 1977) discussion of self-psychology, appears more compatible with emphasisupon interdependence and shared loyalty within thefamily of adulthood than either attachment or separa-tion-individuation perspectives. In contrast withthese two earlier formulations, which view the essen-tial problem in early childhood as the formation of asocial bond with the mother, Kohut has suggestedthat the child's primary experience of caretaking isforemost as a function of a developing self. Only laterin childhood is the toddler able to understand thatthis caretaking was originally provided by themother, who is subsequently experienced as sepa-rate from self. To the extent that the regulation ofearly tension states by the caretaker, originally ex-perienced as a function provided by the child forhimself or herself, has been relatively successful,adults are later able to obtain comfort from this func-tion of the other, experienced as a part of self, attimes of personal crisis (Cohler, 1980). This first "self/self-object" tie (Goldberg, 1980) becomes the basisfor later capacity to use attributes of others as func-tions of the self in resolving tensions on a continuingbasis across the life course (Kohut, 1977; Kohut &Wolf, 1978). From this perspective, adults do not"outgrow" the continuing need for others who canbe experienced as a self-soothing function; adultfamily relationships provide the matrix in which suchself-object ties can be fostered.

Psychology of the self perspectives may provide anopportunity for understanding mature modes of in-terdependence within the family in ways that aremore consonant with adult experiences than otherpsychodynamic formulations. However, this self-psychology perspective has been derived almost en-tirely from the study of "transference-like" phe-nomena in adult psychoanalysis without additionalstudy of adults in other than clinical settings. Fur-thermore, the same "infant-centered" understand-ing of the life course which has been so influential asthe basis of both attachment and separation-individ-uation formulations has also provided much of thebasis for self-psychology formulations of develop-ment. Although studies of the emerging mother-infant tie have not yet been carried out from withinthe empathic framework requisite for full realizationof Kohut's important portrayal of the development ofthis self-object function, study of the mother-child

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relationship has not generally supported the assump-tions of any of these three formulations (Stern, 1977).As a means for guiding future inquiry regarding thesignificance of interdependent ties within the familyof adulthood for personal adjustment, however, self-psychology appears to have greater promise thaneither attachment or separation-individuation for-mulations.

These psychological formulations of the develop-ment of social ties have emerged within the contextof socially shared understandings of personal adjust-ment and family ties, and reflect conflict between abelief in the importance of the attainment of psycho-logical autonomy and the reality of interdependencewithin the family of adulthood. Other societiesappear to have had much less difficulty than our ownin accepting a relational mode as consistent withadult adjustment within the family. Rudolph andRudolph (1976), writing about the Rajput noblemanAmar Singh, describe how aware Singh was of hisown identity as defined by the larger corporateidentity of the extended family. Even in midlife, Singhfound little difficulty being the obedient son to hisautocratic father at home while, at the same time,assuming leadership in conducting the businessaffairs of his province. The Rudolphs note little of theWestern concern regarding issues of dependencyand lack of autonomy in Singh's diary. His primaryconcern was with the intertwined family affairs of hisestate and with remaining interdependent with otherfamily members through midlife.

Concern with place within generations and withmaintenance of a sense of the rhythm of time andplace was central in fostering Amar Singh's adultadjustment. Clearly, as Kluckhohn and Strodtbeck(1961), Clark (1972), and Papajohn and Spiegel (1975)have observed, our own culture deals quite different-ly with the universal dilemma of the relationship ofman to his fellows than is true of other cultures. TheAmerican and Western European preference for indi-vidualistic rather than lineal or collateral modes ofrelationship is represented in many discussions ofthe relationship of person and family. At the sametime, this individualistic solution to a more universaldilemma does not exist apart from the social contextprovided by the modified extended family unit. Indi-vidual success in American society must be accompa-nied by help from one's fellows, including otherfamily members. Even Ragged Dick, the hero of theHoratio Alger series, had the good fortune to know adistant relative who could make the necessary con-nections in order to assist his phenomenal rise topower and influence. From the Massachusetts BayColony to the Little House on the Prairie, individualsuccess has always been viewed in the context of alarger interdependent family unit.

Autonomy, Interdependence, and the Older FamilyMember

The reality of relational autonomy within the familyof adulthood and the importance of this inter-dependence for personal adjustment through mid-

life have not been adequately portrayed in psycholo-gical formulations of the origins of such family ties orthe place of these ties in adulthood. There is littlereason to believe that personal adjustment is sup-ported by similar characteristics of family relationsfrom earliest childhood to oldest age. As Munnichs(1976), Troll and Smith (1976) and Cohler andCrunebaum (1981) have noted, it is ironic that in-creased concern with preservation of independenceand psychological autonomy becomes important justat that point in the life-course where much previousdiscussion had presumed that access to increaseddependence was a central concern. Although it isassumed that older persons seek a degree of contactand support which may be denied to them by theiradult offspring, it is as likely that they seek to avoiddemands by their offspring and grandchildren forcontinued interdependence as that they feel rejectedin their search for continuing family ties.

This increased concern with preservation of auton-omy across the second half of life is well portrayed inthe dilemma faced by one older grandmother andher infirm husband living in the same apartment in anethnic community along the Eastern seaboard whichhad been their home since they emigrated to theUnited States more than a half century ago (Cohler &Grunebaum, 1981). The middle-aged daughter of thisolder couple, her retired husband, and their youngadult offspring enjoyed weekend shopping trips inthe old neighborhood where the middle-agedmother had grown to adulthood and the lunch pre-pared by the grandmother for her family. The middle-aged daughter admired her mother's culinary skillsand still called frequently for advice on cooking andhousekeeping. The grandmother was much less en-thusiastic than her daughter about these weekendvisits or even about the frequent telephone calls. Shecomplained that her daughter's frequent bids forassistance jeopardized her own use of her free time.Since she still worked as a seamstress at the same jobshe had held for nearly half a century and was amainstay of her parish, she had very little time forherself; she was annoyed that her only free day eachweekend should be spent caring for other familymembers. Although she had tried to tell her daughterand other family members of her feelings, her chil-dren and grandchildren were unable to understandher perspective.

This vignette of a three-generation family is consis-tent with reports in the literature regarding both theimpact of continuing family responsibilities on themorale of older persons and personality changeacross the second half of life, which shows increasinginteriority with age (Neugarten, 1973, 1979; Gut-mann, 1975, 1977). Intrinsic developmental changesin late middle age, based on a shifting perspective ontime left to live rather than time already lived, leadolder men and women to become increasingly con-cerned with the finitude of life and with their ownaging (Munnichs, 1966; Marshall, 1975; Sill, 1980). Asa result of increased interiority, interest is lessened inmaintaining social bonds, resulting in greater im-patience with the necessity for caring for others.

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Findings reported by Gutmann (1977), Cohler andLieberman (1979), and Cohler and Grunebaum (1981)suggest that both men and women become moreself-absorbed with abe. Particularly when these olderpersons live in a complex multigenerational family,characterized by dense social networks and clearlyformulated expectations of reciprocal support andcare, acknowledging the dependency needs ofothers can become a source of stress.

Another older woman respondent observed to thisauthor,

I've been to five funerals in the past fewweeks. Sure, I feelbad about it all, but I never had time to think about it. Everywake means a whole lot of extra work for me, even whenthey're friends and not just part of the family. All thosepeople need help, you know, and I'm the one that's ex-pected to do for them. So I've been too busy to think aboutwhat it all means to me, and yet I know it affects me.

In part, what this woman conveys is a feeling that sheneeds more time for herself than has been possibleas a consequence of the many claims made by othersupon her time. As "kin-keepers" within the family(Firth et al., 1970), socialized since childhood into thisrole of caring for other family members (Komarov-sky, 1951; Chodorow, 1978), women are particularlyvulnerable to such demands for assistance from bothfamily and friends. The problem for these older per-sons is not one of maintaining attachments but ratherof achieving a more comfortable compromise be-tween the demands on their time based on the realityof their complex social world and their developmen-tally determined need for increased time for them-selves. Although problems associated with role loss-es and exits are important as determinants of moraleamong older persons, particularly within working-class families, role strain and overload may be assignificant a problem as role loss.

Other cultures have recognized this need for in-creased interiority among older persons to a greaterextent than our own. Again considering the compari-son between our own and Indian society, Kakar(1978), writing about his own Hindu culture, stressesthe Indian search for oneness in late middle age,reflected in moksha (concern with fusion of self andworld in which of the I or the self is transcended),dharma (search for conformity and rhythm with gen-erations and nature, being concerned with doingright by one's family and one's ancestors rather thanacting on one's own will), and karma (the integrationof particular lives into the higher unit expressed bythe endless cycles of birth, growth, and death charac-teristic of Hindu culture). Late middle-aged and olderpersons are expected to become increasingly con-cerned with the issue of fitting their own lives into thecycle of lives. It is assumed that withdrawal frombusiness and social affairs into increasingly philo-sophic preoccupation will accompany aging. Indeed,adult life through middle age is generally regarded asa preparation for the task of svadharma, the achieve-ment of inner calm.

Consistent with this view of psychological de-velopment across the second half of life, Kakar (1978)

describes the case of a Calcutta family in which fourbrothers were involved in running the family busi-ness. While the two younger brothers, in their latethirties, were actively engaged in the business, thesecond oldest brother, in his fifties, was preparing towithdraw from the business and saw his task as one ofeducating the two youngest brothers to assume com-plete control. The oldest brother, in his sixties and nolonger actively involved in the business, spoke not ofretiring from work but of withdrawing and activelyrenouncing his involvement in such worldly con-cerns. He was preparing to advance himself throughsamyama, leading to samadhi, or ultimate yoga. Thefamily expected that he would withdraw, just as hisyounger brother was preparing to do, and that in-creased opportunity for resolving critical issuesassociated with aging was essential for maintenanceof morale.

For the members of this family not attachment butrenunciation of attachment, including interdepen-dent bonds with the family, was essential in order torealize the most important and fulfilling phases of thelife-course. Problems faced by older persons in ourown society in meeting obligations to family and selfhave largely been resolved in Hindu society by ex-pectations of renunciation of complex social ties byolder family members. Finally, it should be noted thatthis cross-cultural perspective on interdependencesuggests that increased interiority observed aftermidlife may be a "universal" developmental phase(Gutmann, 1969, 1977) due to shifting perspectiveson time and age (Neugarten, 1979) and that culturesrespond to this increased interiority in quite differentways as a function of differing value orientations(Kluckhohn, 1951).

Conclusion

Although appreciation of the viability of the familyin contemporary society and of the many functionsperformed by the multigenerational family for con-tinued adjustment of its adult members has in-creased, a disjunction appears between findingsfrom studies of the significance of interdependentadult ties and theories of individual psychologicaldevelopment that assume a degree of personalautonomy and independence among adults that isnot consistent with the facts of adult life (van denHeuvel, 1976). However, a equally important prob-lem is raised by studies of adults and their relativesarising from the failure of many such studies to con-sider the course of development itself, includingshifting meanings of family ties associated with gen-erations and even with historically defined cohorts.Too often it is assumed that family relationshipswhich are satisfying and appropriate within youngand middle adulthood will also be appropriate inlater life and that issues of interdependence and pro-vision of support and assistance, so important foryoung adults and their early middle-aged parents,will also be salient for their older grandparents.

The changing significance of issues of interdepen-dence and personal autonomy across the adult years

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suggests yet another aspect of personality character-izedby discontinuity across the life course (Cohler,1982; Gergen, 1977, 1980; Kagan, 1980). Theories ofpersonality have not adequately considered the na-ture of personality development across the secondhalf of life. Psychodynamic formulations have beenlargely unable to provide either a means for under-standing the continuing close relationships amongadults and their parents or the changing significanceof social ties for adjustment later in life. Discussionsof the psychological foundations of adult rela-tionships continue to dwell upon the early mother-infant relationship as the basis for understanding in-terdependence across adulthood. Although somepromising leads have been provided by the emergingpsychology of the self (Goldberg, 1980), a psychody-namic theory of adulthood has yet to be developed.

Stress on the development of individualism andautonomy which is inconsistent with observations ofrelations among adults and their families reflects therelatively greater problem in Western culture than intraditional non-Western cultures such as those ofIndia and Japan (Doi, 1973; Plath, 1980) of providingculturally determined solutions for the developmen-tal need of older family members for increased per-sonal autonomy as contrasted with the greater inter-dependence sought by adults through midlife. Amore differentiated understanding of developmentalneeds of family members across adulthood has im-portant implications both for therapeutic interven-tion and for the creation of more appropriate socialpolicies concerning the family of adulthood.

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The listing of Filmakers Library, distributors of films in gerontology, psychology and health, wasinadvertently omitted from the list of exhibits at the 35th annual meeting of the GerontologicalSociety of America in Boston, MA. Filmakers is located at 133 East 58th Street, New York, NewYork 10028.

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