B574s

Bezerra, Nanda.40 Secrets for the single womanNanda Bezerra. – Rio de Janeiro : Unipro Editora, 2018. 1ª ed.

ISBN 978-85-7140-874-6

1. Dating - marriage - guidance.2. Love life - reflections.I. TÍtle

CDD 259

Copyright © 2010

GENERAL COORDINATION A. LobatoEDITORIAL COORDINATION Mauro Rocha

TEXT COORDINATION Mônica SoaresCOLLABORATION Mônica Ferreira

REVISION Sandra GouvêaCOVER Rafael Brum

COVER’S ILLUSTRATION Victor TufaniDESIGN AND LAYOUT Mavi Artes Graficas Ltda.

ILLUSTRATIONS Augusto Nunes, Everton Coutinho and P. Junior

1 edition, 2018

Estrada Adhemar Bebiano, 3.610Inhaúma – CEP: 20766-720Rio de Janeiro – RJ - Brazil

Tel.: + 55 21 3296-9300www.unipro.com.br

comercial@unipro.com.br

40 Secrets for the single woman

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means.

Transgressors will be prosecuted according to the law.

PrefaceIntroductionHere we go!

Secret1. SKUNK LOVE

2. SOMETHING DIFFICULT3. THE FIRST HUSBAND

4. EMOTIONS5. SELF-LOVE

6. CONFIDENCE7. PRETTY WOMAN

8. THE BAGGAGE9. ENEMY #1 FOR SINGLE WOMEN

10. JESUS 100%11. TICK-TOCK GOES YOUR BIOLOGICAL CLOCK

12. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?13. SATURDAY NIGHTS14. LOOKING AROUND

15. THE ESSENTIAL ACCESSORY16. WHAT’S MESSING WITH YOUR MIND?

17. LET’S TAKE A TRIP18. I’M NOT IN THE MOOD

19. BE WISE20. WHEN YOU BECOME A TOILET

21. THE KNOW-IT-ALL22. THE PINK PANTHER

23. THE LITTLE BEAN24. LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

25. THE EYES26. THE PERFUMED WOMAN

27. THE DRESS28. BUT I DID MY BEST!

29. SEXY GIRL30. WHAT IS HIDDEN NEEDS TO BE FOUND

31. THE POLICE AND THE OUTLAW32. WRITE IT ON THE MIRROR

33. THE THREE MARYS34. CRYSTAL GIRL

35. SO MUCH NEGATIVITY!36. DO YOU KNOW THE RIGHT TIME TO START DATING?

37. DATING: DOS AND DON’TS?38. LOOK WHO’S TALKING

39. MALICIOUS COMMENTS40. FOUR FATAL MISTAKES

The more advanced technology becomes, the harder it gets for single people. It is as if the world is moving in adirection where people no longer need one another—all they need are computers and mobile phones. There is no need formeeting people personally; knowing them through Facebook is sufficient. As a result, human beings are becoming moreand more lonely. And you, single woman, even though you have thousands of tasks to do, you don’t feel satisfied; you wantthe care and love that you see between happy and successful couples. Many of you may even say that you don’t have to bemarried in order to be happy—that marriage would only disturb your current way of living. However, deep down, you stillthink that real love can make you happy.

In this book, you will learn how to overcome your fears as a single woman, which, I must admit, were once my fearstoo. Nanda is my friend and has a very good marriage. We have lived and worked together for many years, therefore, I caneasily tell you about the harmony and love between her and her husband. When she was single, she experienced things thatyou wouldn’t believe.

After so many disappointments with boyfriends, she did not want to have a family anymore; she decided to just enjoythe short-lived pleasures of temporary relationships. Therefore, she suffered a lot by allowing herself to be used by worldlyfascinations. That is, until one day, when she no longer had any hope of a better life, she met the Creator of love, whom shehad been searching so hard for. Her spiritual change restored her faith in long and faithful relationships. Today she can teachothers, based on her own personal experiences, how to use faith to conquer your true soul mate. The following pagescontain 40 personal secrets, written in a fun way, by an author who can freely talk about subjects that she has experiencedand conquered indeed. Enjoy!

Cris Cardoso

I was in the middle of writing a series of tips for women facing issues in their marriage, when the requests for singlewomen’s tips started pouring in… The requests were not few. Emails, blog comments, youngsters in the church and so on,were so many that I had to seriously consider the possibility of really writing something for young, single women. When Ithought about this task I felt unskilled, but one day, I decided to throw my fears and uncertainties away and I committedmyself to writing those tasks—I started the “40 tips for single women” on my blog. After advising so many young women, inthe church and via email, about so many mistakes that could be avoided and things that could be taught, I could not holdmyself any longer. My intention, along with giving tips, was to share, in an informal way, the experiences that I faced. WhenI learned that this series of tips would be made into a book, I jumped for joy. I was happy because I was sure that it would bea great help for many women.

I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that all of you like and enjoy all the little secrets I have written here. And, ifanyone deserves the glory for this content, it should be entirely given to my Lord Jesus, who gave me the skills when I hadnone.

A great bear hug for you all!

Nanda Bezerra

“Why did God allow me to date him if he is not the right person?”“Why is God allowing me to suffer so much?”“Am I not God’s servant?”“I don’t have the strength to go to meetings; I wonder if I would be happier going back to the world…”These thoughts are true signs of spiritual weakness. First of all, let’s clarify something very important! Who chose my

husband for me? Who decided that I should marry? Was it me or God? Of course, it was me! When I speak about myhusband being a gift from God and that I waited on God to show me if my husband was the right person for me, I am notsaying that God chose him for me, not at all! Of course, God gives signs and guides us through the Bible and this helps in ourdecision making, but it doesn’t mean that it is God who chooses for us! We were given free will from God—He gives us theright to choose. God doesn’t choose for us nor does He stand in the way of our choices!

So, if you are suffering because of your choices, what does God have to do with it?

SKUNK LOVE

Do you remember a cartoon character called Pepe Le Pew? He was a skunk that was madly in love with a black cat thathad white stripes like his. Whenever he sees her, his eyes become bulging little hearts. He’s a bit confused by her becauseshe always flees from him (due to his stench); nonetheless, he is still madly in love with her… This is an impossible lovebecause she is a cat and he is a skunk! It will never work! They are incompatible and despite their similarities, they aredifferent! There is no way around it!

The same thing happens with many girls… one glance is enough and she is suddenly in love… She doesn’t even knowhim well enough, but she says she is in love… That’s what you call skunk love. It is a love based on emotions, which will onlybring disappointment.

There are many incompatibilities, but just like Pepe Le Pew, she just doesn’t want to see them. She believes that aftermarriage and with enough love she will overcome everything! Don’t fool yourself, my friend. Marriage will only make thingsworse. So many young women have written to me, regretful for having experienced skunk love, and now live (excuse theexpression) a stinky life in their marriage! There can be incompatibilities in a relationship, but I will only mention threeimportant ones…

He is much younger than you. I know that this is a controversial issue and many disagree. I also know that it is not arule and there are marriages that work, but they are the exception. The majority are problematic. However, the choice isyours… I’m just giving you some advice.

You are more educated than him. Yet another controversial topic, but when it WWWcomes to marriage, this can bevery difficult, particularly for men.

You have different plans for the future. One wants children and the other does not. One desires to serve God on thealtar and the other does not. Two very good examples!

Task 1

If you have a boyfriend and are thinking of marriage, pay close attention to the incompatibilities, because in thefuture they can bring you problems. If you are not yet dating, keep this in mind when choosing your partner. Avoidskunk love, use your intelligent faith! It is better to suffer now over a breakup, than to suffer later over a divorce.

SOMETHING DIFFICULT

Girl, do you know what one of the hardest things in the world is? Hearing the truth. Not everyone is ready to hear thetruth; you must first have the emotional structure, spirituality and humility to hear certain truths. Whoever said that thetruth hurts was right. In fact, the truth can hurt a lot! But that’s not to say that it’s bad, it’s actually quite the contrary. Youknow when someone says something hurtful to you and it almost seems as though they are cutting right through you, butdeep down you know that the person is absolutely right?

Has this ever happened to you? Do you remember how you reacted? Your reaction is what counts, that’s what reallymatters. Were you resentful? Offended? Or worse still, did you hold a grudge against that person? Girl, if we are not humbleenough to accept the truth, how can we grow up and even begin to think of marriage? I am certain that your husband willnot hesitate to tell you a few truths. And what then? Will you hold a grudge against him too? Look, I am not saying that thetruth will not hurt or that we won’t be saddened by it, but this sadness should be directed towards ourselves and it shouldn’tlast long! One day my husband said to me, “You are very proud!”

That was the end of the rope for me! Thoughts began to bombard my mind… First, I was angry, “What nonsense! Me?Proud?” Then I was mortified because he thought that of me! “What a monster he is!” I thought. Afterwards, however, I gotdown on my knees and cried until my throat hurt. He was right! It was too painful to admit and face the truth! I feltworthless, it was humiliating, but oh what good it did me.

Task 2

Analyse yourself. See how you are facing the truths in your life or in your relationship. If facing the truth means goingback to the end of the line, then go to the end of the line! Restart in faith. Correct your mistakes; after all, no one isperfect! It is horrible to have to pay such a high price for something you could have avoided if you had just acceptedthe truth in the first place…

THE FIRST HUSBAND

When I woke up this morning, I realised that I was snugly hugging my husband—oh, how delightful! This is one of thethings I love most in my marriage… It makes me feel secure, loved and certain that I’m in the right place. Then I began tothink about the single women who don’t have the pleasure of waking up with the love of their life by their side…

I continued to ponder about this before gaining enough strength to let go of the embrace and then I began to thinkabout the married women who also don’t share the same pleasure. I looked at my husband and said, “I love You so much,Jesus”. I was going to say “I love you, baby”, but at that very moment it occurred to me to first say it to Jesus, for He is themost solid love in my life. This Husband is always in the first place. This wonderful Husband lifts me up when I am sad,guides me all the time, corrects me when I am wrong, makes me feel loved and cared for, teaches me so many differentthings, believes in me when I don’t believe in myself, teaches to value the right things; in short, He makes me very happy. Iowe all of my happiness to Him. I owe Him the pleasure of waking up in a happy embrace with my “second” husband, whomI love more and more even after 12 years of marriage. I married Him first and I NEVER plan to divorce Him! When I wassingle, I did not know what true love was until meeting Him. When He proposed, that was the most wonderful day of mylife! We got married and soon after, without ever breaking up, I married Junior too! Don’t worry, it may seem like bigamy,but it’s not! I legally have two husbands! (laugh)

In fact, I’ll go even further, if my first marriage didn’t exist, then surely the second one would not be happy. The firsthusband is the basis for the second. There are single women who desperately seek for the “second” marriage withouthaving found the first one! Let me tell you more, He needs to be first in your life for real. He must be first in everything, weneed to love Him more than everything and everyone; otherwise, it won’t work out. Perhaps you are only dating the LordJesus and are already thinking of marrying someone else! What betrayal! This can’t be so; it is not the correct order. If youwant your “second” marriage to make you truly happy and complete, the “first” marriage has to take place first! Let’s gonow to the next task for the single women.

Task 3Seek the “first” love of your life! Check to see who is in first place and then it will be easy to discover if you’ve alreadyfound Him or not. Enough with the dating! Marry Him! Make this love become fervent, don’t be in such a rush toenter your second marriage; instead, dedicate yourself entirely to the first one. Love Him, delight yourself in Hisembrace, in His presence, in His care, oh what delight! Love Him with all of your strength, with all of your love.What about the second marriage?It will happen when you least expect it, but your devotion to your first marriage must exist forever. Not even deathcan separate you from Him! It is wonderful!

P.S.: I had this inspiration while in bed and jumped out to write it for you.

EMOTIONS

When you hear the words, “man of God”, what is the first image that comes to your mind? Shirt, tie, microphone inhand and preaching on the altar? Not necessarily…

A man of God is not characterized by his clothing or because he is on the altar. After my conversion, I remember beingvery clear about what I wanted: I wanted to marry a man of God. When I decided to give Junior (my boyfriend at that time),an ultimatum it was because I had this vision inside me and not even my emotions could stand in my way. I knew what Iwanted and I fought for it. Bit by bit, he began to change. It was wonderful to see his transformation right before my eyes. Itwas as if God was moulding him for me… But I waited, I observed his attitudes, his character, his faith, and it was only oneyear after his conversion that we decided to marry. He was not a pastor at that time, but he was a man of God; fearful of theLord and a man of character. I made sure to verify this and I still see it in him to this day.

You see, my friends, I wanted to bring up this subject because I have been receiving emails from young women whoclaim to be in love with a pastor without having even spoken to him! All they’ve done is observe him from a distance. Howcan you be led by your emotions in this way? How can you say that you love someone you don’t even know? The fact thatthey are pastors doesn’t mean they are truly born of God! Many have fallen into that trap; don’t become another statistic!You need to know his character, pay attention to what he says and the things that interest him! You need to be sure that hetruly is fearful and faithful to God! Be sure that he is a man of God. And there’s more: if he has vision, he will do the samewith you! I see such a huge rush to “solve” the love life issue that many women don’t even think about taking these steps.They are ready to hand over their life and future to someone they don’t even know…

Task 4From now on you must keep your emotions regarding your love life under control. Don’t get carried away over oneglance. If you are already dating, start observing him until you are sure that he truly is a man of God. And don’t letyour emotions control your observations! If you have to take action and end the relationship because you don’t seeGod’s character in him, don’t think twice and don’t be afraid. If you choose to fight for him, do it in faith, knowingthat he has his flaws. If you don’t have a boyfriend yet, be aware of the steps you will need to take when the timecomes. Once again I repeat, don’t let yourself be carried away by your emotions.

SELF-LOVE

I was 15 years old when I begged my father to let me date a certain guy. He insisted on telling me that I would only beallowed after the age of 20. So, one day this guy I had a crush on asked my father for permission to date me. To my surprise,my dad approved! About one year later, when I was completely besotted with him, I found out that he was cheating on me.He even cheated on me in front of my friends, who never said anything to me out of pity. He broke my heart. It was one ofthe worst feelings I ever experienced. You feel worthless, like nothing—garbage!

While angry, I didn’t think twice, I picked up the phone and ended the relationship there and then, but, shortly after, somany thoughts came into my head: “But I love him so much…”, “What if I give him a second chance?”, “How will I be able tolive without him?”, “I lost him…sniff!” At the same time, however, something much stronger inside of me made meovercome all those feelings—something called self-love! He asked me to get back together with him several times, but Istood by my decision and the more my friends and family said I wouldn’t resist, the more determined I became. We nevermade up!

Girls, how can you say that you have Jesus and not have self-love? Nowadays, women don’t value themselves properlyand end up feeling frustrated, unloved and unhappy. Please, don’t mistake self-love for pride, it’s not that at all; but we doneed to love ourselves! If he betrayed you, he broke up with you, and had no consideration for you, then it is his loss! Trustyourself and your potential; don’t view yourself as worthless. No way! Overcome those negative thoughts and doubtsbrought on by the devil and keep on going forward! I’m not saying it won’t hurt but it will certainly pass and you will later seewhat you were saved from. We need to love ourselves as our Lord loves us, and value ourselves as He values us! How canyou accept leftovers in a relationship while your Lord has a whole banquet set up for you? It doesn’t make sense! I write thismessage especially for a friend who wrote to me asking for advice regarding her boyfriend, who broke up with her. Hetreated her like dirt and she still wants to get back with him! I have two words for the ladies that are in this same situation:self-love!

Task 5You need to value yourself, love yourself and believe in your potential. Above all, you need to believe in your God! Ifyou believe that God is with you, how can you view yourself as a loser? That doesn’t make sense! It’s not enough tosay that you love God; you must love yourself as well! Starting today, you will stop making negative comments aboutyourself! You will no longer repeat phrases such as “I can’t do anything right!”, “I’m so dumb!”, “I will never make it!”or anything else along those lines. Remember: “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me!”