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WHEN WE DESPAIR OF LIFE

Philosophical Reflections On A Pilgrimage to Maria Klobenstein

by RENATA LEUFFEN

Philosopher,Singer,Songwriter and Educator

© Renata Leuffen Corporation, Renata Leuffen in Porto Pino,Sardinia 2015

I. INTRODUCTION

It is natural and humane to despair of life when we find ourselves in a life crisis and face the

rock that is blocking our way and hindering us from moving forward. Life problems obstruct

the flow of our lives and are designed to stop and destroy us.

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This philosophical composition shares the thoughts, feelings and insights of Renata Leuffen

on her pilgrimage to Maria Klobenstein in Koessen, Tyrol, on the 17th June 2015. At this time

she experienced the greatest financial crisis of her life and was confronted with the

possibility that she might lose everything.

Renata Leuffen illustrates in a beautiful way that there will always be a way through every

obstacle as long as we determine that we will make it through the crisis and do not give up.

The moment that we despair of life is not the moment to retire from life and drown in our

unhappiness but the signal to move on and to take another step forward, and another, and

another and persist until we come out of the crisis.

The message that the author presents is: we cannot go backwards, we must fulfil our life

purpose, and we will, if we stand for ourselves and justice.

II. SUMMER STORMS IN TYROL

There are not many things as romantic as being in love and experiencing a summer storm in

the Tyrolean Alps.

The days unfold generally normally and the storms come usually in the evenings. The

weather is warm and sunny in the morning and a thousand valleys and mountains invite to

take a relaxing and healthy stroll. The smell of dry hay lies in the air and natural paths lead

through the meadows and woods. The green mountain rivers flow fast and the water is as

clear as a glass and one can see the big rocks and stones on the bottom of the river beds.

Then, in the evening the sky turns grey and the wind that gets strong and stronger. And,

suddenly, there is the sound of thunder far away. This is the warning to hurry up and find

safety before the storm breaks out.

The first lightnings flashes over the mountains, and are for long periods not accompanied by

thunder, and the tranquillity is surreal. And the lightnings are huge and stretch out for many

miles.

The moments before the storm fully starts are not frightening or unpleasant, but, on the

contrary, they are actually sweet and beautiful. It is a wonderful experience to be outdoors in

the Alps at the beginning of a storm. The atmosphere is magical and fascinating.

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The game is to get into a dry and safe place before the rain starts. The rainfalls can be very

heavy. Sometimes it takes up to an hour before the storm takes fully off.

The wind gets wild and ferocious. The first rain drops arrive.

It turns dark. The sky is pitch black. The storm drives across the mountains and valleys.

Lightnings run now frequently across the sky. It rains and thunders and the wind rushes

through the landscape and picks everything up that can be moved. Old trees are are

uprooted when the wind wraps around them from a certain angle.

It is a unique feeling to be safe at home and to watch the roaring storm. It is a perfect time to

kiss and cuddle and make love and enjoy the happiness and beauty of genuine intimacy.

Storm time is also a good time to enjoy the delicious fresh cream cakes or the famous

Apfelstrudel.

There are many storms in summer in the Tyrolean Alps and they amplify the stunning fairy

tale scenery and atmosphere of this part of the world which is still very much like it was 100,

200 and 300 years ago.

Tyrol is a place to think and to put everything into right perspective.

III. THE PROBLEM THAT CAUSES DESPAIR OF LIFE

Life can run smoothly like a river, this is when things are working for us, or it can become a

hell, and this is when something endangers or stops the flow of our lives. We do not need to

die to experience the state of torment and unhappiness that we call hell, we experience hell

right here and now. For some of us, hell is all that we know. Some of us have never

experienced peace and happiness. Some of us have been born right into hell. And most of

the people who are born into hell stay stuck in it for life, they never come out. I happen to

have been born into hell and I am working to get out. I do not know how long it will take me

to create a good life, but I will work at it as long as it takes, and despite every setback, and I

have setbacks.

Seen from this perspective, we have a world in which some people are so fortunate that they

can live, that they can experience progress and happiness and have the things that they

desire, whereas other people feel that they are damned because they cannot live, no matter

how hard they try, and they cannot improve their circumstances and they can never get all

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that they want and need. Happiness may visit them sometimes for brief periods but remains

otherwise unobtainable. It is remarkable, that religion and all the get rich and happy

teachings have not significantly changed this situation.

People do not want to be in hell, people are in hell because they got into it, usually at birth,

and cannot get out it. Many people cannot help themselves, they have tried again and again,

and they are still trying, but all their efforts fail.

It is not true that we live in a society which offers equal opportunities to all. But what is true

is, that we live in a society in which many people are perishing because they cannot get their

lives to work.

Nothing is worse than wanting to live and wanting to make progress and wanting to be

happy, and being unable to live, to fulfil one’s plans and doomed to be unhappy,- for life.

Many people are dying slowly, day by day.

Is life worthwhile if we are always unhappy?

Many people cannot get happy. And, if we cannot get happy in this world, can we become

happy in the world that awaits us after we leave this world? Eternity is filled with unhappy

people who come from this planet, and the question is: are they still unhappy where they are

now?

What does God think and feel when he receives all those unhappy people after they die?

One problem can destroy our happiness. One problem can drive us into despair. One

problem can take life away from us.

Why do so many people in our society despair of life? Why can so many people not live their

lives in peace?

Why do so many people struggle with one or more life problems all their lives and can never

get free?

There is a reason why people in a country like the United States spend 11 billion dollars per

year on self help and development programs: discontent.

How many people could we feed with 11 billion dollars? Recently I listened to one self

development and prosperity teacher who explained that most of the self help and

development programs are not working. We buy the illusion of progress and happiness.

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Christian Preachers like to cite Jesus’ words that we can move a mountain if our faith is only

as small as a mustard seed.

What I observe in our society and in my own life, again and again, is, that we have faith that

is bigger than a mountain but nonetheless we cannot move the mustard seed problem that

blocks our progress.

We know the solution, we know what would need to happen so that the problem that drives

us into despair, would disappear, but, we are powerless and unable to enforce the solution.

If you would ask me, I could tell you what it would take for my financial problems to

disappear forever but so far, I could not implement the solution.

What can we do when we are powerless? What do we do when we cannot move a mustard

seed out of our way?

IV. THE PILGRIMAGE TO MARIA KLOBENSTEIN

I swim one hour every day. I also walk or cycle one or two hours every day. The only times

when I am not outdoors is, when I am depressed. I am currently working on getting outdoors

even when I am depressed and to not getting depressed anymore. Depression is not at all

my normal and natural state. Depression came into my life because my life was too hard. I

am determined that depression will not stay in my life. I gain nothing by dwelling in

unhappiness and self pity.

The mustard seed in my way makes me depressed. It is only one mustard seed. But, it has

the power to kill me, and it poisons my whole life. My problem is a joy killer.

Shall I give up hope that I will ever overcome my problem? I have been wrestling with my

problem for 23 years now, and I will have no other option but to continue to fight until it

leaves my life.

Some of our life fights are very long and it looks as if they will never end. But, in the end,

they will.

On the 17th June 2015, I swam again one hour in the outdoor pool in Koessen and enjoyed

the cold, soft and refreshing spring water. I wondered which hiking path I should follow on

that day and decided spontaneously to walk to the pilgrimage site Maria Klobenstein. I hadn’t

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been there before and did not know what to expect but the idea to have a peaceful walk was

good.

And so I finished my swim and drove across the river and parked my car. I was ready for an

undisturbed walk through the dense summer wood.

All I wanted was, to talk to God about my life crisis.

I talked every day as I walked up the mountains to God about my life crisis. I was actually in

the greatest crisis of my life. And I could not get out by myself. I had tried, and I was still

trying. I was in despair. I have had many crises in my life, and one financial crisis after the

other. I have often been without food and homeless many times. Sometimes I calculate

jokingly how many times I will be homeless if I live another fifty years, or even longer. And I

speculate if I will have a permament home when I will be 90 or if I will be homeless then,

once again. I am so unfortunate to have some very destructive programs in my

subconscious that were put in when I was still a very young child. They have literally almost

killed me many times. The fact that I am still alive at age 56 and the only survivor of the

family on my father’s side and that I survived my mother and stepfather, who both left me not

even a dollar as an inheritance, is a real miracle. According to the way that I was

programmed by my family, which was altogether negative, I should be dead by now. But, I

am not dead, I am alive. The fact that I cannot make any progress is ridiculous but the

normal outcome of having lived through hell, and I am working to change this. I am amazed

that I have to spent years of my old age to work on terrible childhood issues and to clear

them.

I embarked upon the old Schmugglerweg or Smuggler Path that connects Koessen in Tyrol

with Schlechting in Germany. The path derived its name from the fact that it had been used

in old times to smuggle goods between Austria and Germany. Maria Klobenstein lies on its

way, some miles before Schlechting.

It is incredible how much one problem can make us suffer. It is awful how much life energy

one problem can suck out of us.

What happens if it gets so far that one problem makes us despair of life? Is a problem an

indication that we are on the right path or a confirmation that we are on the wrong path?

Who understands us as we wrestle with our problem? And, what happens if we do not fight?

I entered the wood. The way that wound its way through the mystical world of smaragd

green trees was long, much longer than I anticipated. On my way I met a family with two

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small children. I asked them if it was still far to Maria Klobenstein and they said, that they

had turned around because there were so many horse-flies. I had noticed the horse-flies as

well and today they were a real pest. I carry a long purple towel with me when I go for a walk

in the Alps in summer and wave it around my body to keep horse-flies and other insects

away. But, I get bitten from time to time, anyway. It is amazing how weak the horse-flies are.

When I hit them with my towel, they just fall down to the ground and remain there. Are our

problems like horse-flies or like rocks?

If my current problem were just a horse-fly, I would be fine and could deal easily with it, but

unfortunately, it is not. Or is it a horse-fly and it is only my flawed perception that makes a

rock out of a horse-fly?

If the self development teachers and energy healers are right, then our problems are the

expression of deep programs that have been anchored in our subconscious minds. They

offer their services for money to help us to uproot these self destructive programs. But, what

happens if the self development teachers and energy healers can’t help? What if the

problem persists? And persists? And persists? Either ad indefinitum or for many decades?

Who has the time and energy to fight for 20, 40 or 50 years against one problem? And what

about the teachers who teach that the answer that we need is hidden in the problem?

I think that many problems are a consequence of the derangement of our lives. Our lives

were perhaps deranged when we were 5, 7, 20, 14 or 24. And the derangement is the

problem. We know what to do when a train drives off the tracks, but, what do we do when

the life course of a human being is derailed? And, what do we do when our own life has

been derailed? The dilemma that we face is that we can see the tracks of a train but we

cannot see the life path of a human being. And this leads to the tragedy that most, if not all,

people whose lives are off course are all alone and misunderstood as they work to align with

their true life purpose.

One problem is enough to derail us for life. One problem that we cannot overcome has the

potential to make us unhappy for life.

What happens if we think about our problem day and night? Some people talk about the joy

of problem solving, but what about the reality of many people who are literally incarcerated

by one problem? What if the problem becomes a prison and a death sentence?

This is how I feel about my financial crisis. It is a prison. It is a death sentence. It causes me

incredible stress and agitation.

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As I walked through the wood, I remembered how I had climbled up to the top of the

Unterberghorn mountain in Koessen which is 1773 metres or 5816.93 feet high, just a

couple of days ago, in full summer heat. It took me more than 5 hours and I walked mostly

across the steep meadows as I did not like the stony road that winds its way seemingly

endlessly around the mountain and that would have taken me probably 2 hours longer.

The views that I enjoyed across the land and the small towns of Koessen (Austria), Reit im

Winkl (Germany) and the Walchsee lake from the mountain top can only be described with

one word: paradise. The scenery is so beautiful that this is what it must be like to be in

paradise.

And I wondered: why can I climb to the top of a high mountain, and why am I unable to solve

my financial crisis? And I thought how easy it used to be to get jobs and how much more

difficult it has become. The fact that many people are in financial problems is not because

they do not want to work but because they cannot find a suitable job that pays them the

money that they really need.

It was a welcome relaxation to walk today through the cool shade of the wood. I did not force

myself to think about anything in particular or to do anything. I proceeded between

happiness and unhappiness on my way across the narrow path that climbed up and down

through the wood.

Had my time to die come? Had I accomplished all that I was able to? Was this it? Was all the

trouble that I had experienced what life is all about? Was my life worthwhile?

And I thought: I have never lived. As far as I can remember, I have always dreamt of living,

of being able to live one day, but that day had never arrived and would, if my problem would

not be removed, never arrive. The question is: how can we remove our problems? And, are

there perhaps some problems that can only be removed by divine intervention?

It does not make sense that problems eliminate people. It does not make sense that couples

fight over money issues. It does not make sense that people die because of problems. It

does not make sense that some people overcome problems while others don’t.

And as I walked through the silent wood, I talked audibly to God as I like to do when I am

outdoors.

I walked like a shadow through the beautiful scenery, and I thought that because I was

never able to express myself, that this was probably how I have been walking through my

entire life: like a shadow. A shadow looking for a paradise.

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And God listened to me. There was no way that I could avert the approaching disaster. I felt

like the beautiful and innocent Jewish people felt who halted as they stood at the door to the

Nazi gas chambers and then took a deep breath and the next step that would lead to their

death. And they died. And I was about to die. They had no help. And, did I?

I proceeded on my pilgrimage. I knew that I was deep in trouble, once again. I was aware

that I would be wiped out, destroyed, and disappear from the surface of this earth and

humanity, unless I would receive a miracle. God knew. He understood. And I was in agony.

What is a human life worth if life consists only of a body that functions somehow, and if

everything else is dead? Who do we become if our dreams die? Who do we become if we

cannot do what we know we must do?

I was in the biggest crisis of my life. Everything was at stake. I was about to lose everything,

once again. I have lost everything many times, - four times, five times, more than five times.

My current crisis had started one month ago, an end of the crisis was in sight, but the

question was whether I would be able to make it until then, and this event, if everything

would go according to plan, was still more than two months away. Or was this hope only an

illusion? Was I destined to not make it? But if this was the case, why did God then bother to

talk to me? And why should he create people whose destiny it is to fail?

It does not make sense that many of us do not make it. And it does not make sense that our

lives do not flow to a destination. Every river flows to a destination. I looked at the mighty

Alpine river in the valley below me. It rushed forcefully through the rocks. Its destination is

lake Chiemsee. And it reaches its destination, every day.

If a simple river reaches its destination, why should we as human beings not reach our

destinations? If a river can reach its destination, then I, a human being, must also be able to

reach my destination. And I must have a destination. My life cannot be without a destination.

And I thought that the Bible explains the discrepancy between good and bad lives with the

concepts of the blessing and the curse. And I shivered. Why are then so few people blessed

and so many people cursed, and why am I one of the cursed people? And if I am cursed,

then I have no hope, not in this life and not in the next. Cursed for all eternity.

But, I know that I am blessed. Why would God communicate with me if I were cursed? And

why would he teach me?

I looked again at the deep abyss of the river bed below. It would look very inviting to

everyone who was contemplating suicide. I knew that I would not jump. I will never kill

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myself. I will never reject myself. I will never reject who I am, even if I have to spend the rest

of my life as a pauper. I will always stand for myself, even in the moments of deepest

despair.

And I wondered, what joy can an almighty God derive from the miserable existence of

people who are cursed? And if the curse is real, then my parents were cursed, and their

curse has come upon me, and I am innocent.

What about the people who jump down the rocks because they cannot change their lives, no

matter how hard they try? What about the people who know the solution but cannot

manifest the solution?

What about all the people whose life problem is bending them down and down and down,

who do not know how to make it through today, and tomorrow, and this week, and who

cannot understand why this life problem is destroying the present and the future?

I prayed. God cannot have any pleasure if men are destroyed by problems, and yet, every

day someone somewhere gives up.

I remembered Prince Rudolf of Austria who committed suicide with his lover. And the fact

that many people in Vienna killed and still kill themselves with gas. This leads to gas

explosions and neighbours who are being injured.

Suicide is a common way of reacting to life problems in our society. But, suicide is not the

way forward, it is a step backward. We have to learn again to wrestle with problems, even for

a long time.

And I walked and prayed.

There are situations where death, ruin, bankcruptcy, loss and devastation are unevitable,

and all will be lost unless there is divine intervention.

There are times when we human beings cannot see a way.

There are times when we are blocked by just one thing and cannot move forward on our life

path.

I told God that I had seriously wanted to commit suicide only a few weeks ago. He knew this

of course. What did God think and feel when I suffered so much? Does he perhaps take our

lives on Earth less seriously than we do? He had talked to me during my distress.

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I told God that I had had only faith to continue on the path that I knew was right, and that that

was the reason why I did not die in Sardinia and why I had managed to come here. And here

I was, and still totally blocked, still immersed in the problem.

Is a life that is blocked still a life, or is it just a disaster? My block affects all areas of my life.

It robs me of the joy and confidence and money that I need.

And I walked through the dense wood, and I was on my pilgrimage.

I continued to talk to God about my financial situation, that is my life problem and my block. I

could not do more than I had done.

Should I accept my problem and discard all my dreams? And I asked God, where my

dreams come from. Do my dreams not come from him? And I asked him why he would give

me dreams only to then let the dreams die? Is God a dream killer? We read in the Bible that

he gave Joseph dreams, and what Joseph dreamt, came to pass.

And I pondered: what will happen if my dreams will come to pass like the dreams of Joseph?

I had to take a deep breath and laughed. It would be as incredible as it was as Joseph’s

dreams came to pass. And I remembered the many times that God had saved my life. He

had saved my life like he had saved the life of Joseph. And I remembered the deep despair

of King David. And the 40 barren years that Moses spent in the wilderness. And Joseph,

Kind David and Moses, they all had life crises. And they all came out.

And I thought: if God is with me as he was with Joseph, King David and Moses, then I have

nothing to fear, no matter what happens, no matter how bad it gets. And I do have no reason

to believe that God is not with me but every reason that he is with me.

Should I lose my mind? Should I go insane? Should I give up? Should I despair

permanently? And I thought, this was, what happened to van Gogh, the painter. He had no

more strength.

I told God that I had listened to many teachers and their teachings, but no teacher and no

teaching had helped me. They made promises and sold me their products and published

their non liability notices in small print.

I waved my towel and got rid of some more horse-flies. My destiny had been to never have

any financial worries. My natural father had been rich. I would have been the apple of his

eye. I had been destined to have a happy and pleasant life. I would have never needed to

work, never needed to worry about money. I could have spent my time thinking, developing

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new and profound ideas. I would have been well taken care of. I would have married and

would have had several happy and healthy children. I would have enjoyed my life. I would

have been secure. I would have always been certain of the meaning of my life.

But, then...

my father died. And this one event destroyed my life. One tragedy can close all life doors.

One tragedy is sufficient to destroy the future.

Since a while ago I feel sometimes the presence of my natural father. I know that he knows

what I am doing. And so does my dead son. I feel a supportive energy that is coming from

my father. While I inherited unfortunately the curse that is on my mother and her family, I did

fortunately also inherit the blessing that is on my father and his family. The curse has

destroyed my life many times but the blessing has always kept me alive and brought me out.

The curse cannot prevail. It has cost me dearly and literally nearly killed me many times, but

its days are numbered.

And I heard God say that my problem is lack of confidence. And I was amazed because this

statement came unexpected. And as I thought about it, I felt that it was true. My whole life

experience up to this moment can be summed up in this one word: lack of confidence. And it

is just another word for: lack of love.

And I was again surprised that God does really know who I am as a human being and what

my life experience is. And only he knows who I am as an eternal infinite being. I

remembered how he had told me many years ago that all the problems that my son

experienced came from my mother.

And I thought that God did never tell me that I would fail and that I would not make it. God

did never tell me that I am bad and useless, as my wicked parents always did. One of the

names that God calls me by is , “my turtle dove”. And I pondered that God had never said

anything bad about me.

And as I looked at the old fir trees and how tall they were, I realized that I would never die,

and that God and I could and would not fail. I was not facing my financial disaster all by

myself but I was facing it together with God, and he knows how to bring me out.

How is it possible for the insecure to build up security and love in this world? I thought briefly

about what the English author John Seymour once said, “As long as you believe it is

impossible, you will actually never find out if it is possible or not.”

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And it was so still, there was not a bird that sang, as I continued on my pilgrimage.

V. STANDING FOR THE INNOCENT

As I breathed in the clear and mild mountain air, I wondered if I would ever arrive at Maria

Klobenstein. The path went on and on.

And as I walked, I remembered my dead son who did not want to die but live. He was

innocent.

And I was innocent, too. I told God that I did not want to die. No one wants to die. We all

want to live. But the problem is, that some of us cannot live. Some of us die prematurely.

Some of us are killed. And some of us cannot live because of one or more problems that

turn what was meant to be the gift of life into the horror of experiencing hell.

And I remembered the terrible stories that I had read about people that were burnt or even

roasted to death and I got very upset. The meaning of life is distorted when the innocent are

not permitted to live and when they are killed. How many innocent people have been killed

since the beginning of the history of man? And, how many innocent people will still be killed?

While I looked at the sun rays that glistened like diamonds through holes in the green roof of

trees, I was disturbed by all the life stories that have been so abruptly ended. Who knows,

some of the people who were killed could have changed the world for better. And some of

the innocent people would have lived happy lives.

The cases of the innocent are still open. And they will be dealt with. They must be dealt with.

We think that they are closed but God says that they are open.

And as I walked and prayed, I somehow forgot my life problem and that it choked me to

death. And I entered my natural state, and I was happy. It was as if an angel had come and

taken the burden of my life problem from me, so that I could play and be me. Who

imprisoned me, was it me or was it the problem?

I pondered how fortunate I am that I am innocent and that I am still alive And God

whispered in my ear that he is the God of the innocent. And he assured me that he will

always be with and for the innocent. A ray of sunlight fell on my path. Sunlight touched the

leaves on the trees and made them sparkle. And God told me that the innocent are his and

that the case of the innocent is his case.

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The innocent are not alone. The innocent will receive justice. And I determined that I will not

die before I will have received my justice and the justice of my dead son. And I felt happy.

Was it worth to think about my life problem which made me unhappy and wasn’t it better to

think about justice which made me happy?

I walked fast and I did not feel tired. I came to a crossing and turned right.

And I thought about all the people who had committed suicide, and I was deeply moved.

They were all dead, but I was alive.

I did not die, and I felt that God would never let me die an unnatural death. He was watching

me all the time. He was listening all the time and waiting for my words and songs. And he

told me that he celebrates my life, every day. And I was amazed. But I know, whenever he

looks at me, whenever he watches me, he smiles. And God told me that the trees, the sun,

the stones, the flowers, and all that he created, welcomes and loves me. And I agreed and

this love is reciprocal because I love the trees, the sun, the stones, the flowers, and all that

he created. All people should welcome and love me as well, but they don’t, and they do not

because they cannot and they cannot because they have a problem to love unconditionally.

We are the fantasy society that does not want to know the truth but prefers lies. Why?

And I thought again about how terrible it is to end one’s life and how dreadful every method

of suicide is. Especially suicide by fire. We are not meant to die by fire.

What kind of society have we actually built? Why does not everyone have enough to live on?

Why do people have to work for money, or think that they have to? Why do people despair

so much, that they do not want to live anymore?

And I felt deep compassion for all people who have committed suicide. They all did not make

it. And I did almost also not make it. But, here I was, walking in my bikini through the

summer wood and chasing horse-flies away and talking to my God.

And I wondered: what would all the dead people, all the people who died before they

completed their life purpose and life path on Earth, give to live, to be able to complete and

pursue what they could not and did not?

I have what they lost, - life. Life on Earth.

There is Life on Earth and there is Life beyond our Earth.

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And as I was on my pilgrimage to Maria Klobenstein and walked through the wood, I

regained a conviction and a feeling that I had lost in my life storms in exile when I was forced

due to circumstances to use my mind not to think but to work to make other people rich:

I am standing for the innocent.

I have stood for the innocent. Then I was persecuted. I was silenced. But now, on this

philosophical pilgrimage I found a part of me that I had lost. And now I know, I stand again

for the innocent. Forever.

This is my life purpose. I felt how much God loves the innocent. And I felt how much God

loves me. And I could not understand the contrast between God’s love and my life problem,

and I realized that my life problem was evil and was not meant to exist.

I looked at the white dust on the ground. Not I should die but my life problem should die. The

problem should not terminate my life but I should terminate it.

I listened to the voice of truth in my heart, and as I listened to the master teacher of eternity,

I realized that, amazingly, I had just overcome any desire to end my life and commit suicide

for good, no matter what would henceforward happen. I could imagine living in the greatest

poverty and not committing suicide. I could imagine living through the greatest unhappiness

and not committing suicide. And I could imagine what felt right, and that was that I would live

in the great wealth and experience the great happiness. And I thought about my life problem

and remembered a dream that I had many years ago. In that dream I was dressed all in

black and wore a white perl necklace and I heard the words that one day I will be very rich.

Had God announced the end of my problem and that it would not kill me in that dream?

I was moved because God wants me to be happy whereas my own mother wanted me to be

unhappy for life. She did not love me, but God loves me. And I wondered why God loves me

so much and why he enjoys spending time with me? And I realized how similar God and I

are: we love the same flowers, we love inspiring music, we love beauty, we love peace. And

I felt that God has opened his heart to me, and that he would always be with me at my side.

I thought about my problem. And I thought that if one carries a problem that long, the

problem draws one away from life.

But, in the midst of my crisis, God drew me closer into his heart. God sees things differently,

he has an unusual and astonishing perspective, and this is the case because all that he

does and thinks is based on love.

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And I felt close to God, and I was close to God.

VI. STANDING FOR JUSTICE

And as I walked on through the wood and followed the path that now led downwards, I

pondered that if God is the God of the innocent, then he must also be the God of justice.

God desires justice for the innocent. God will give justice to the innocent.

I stand for the innocent and as I stand for the innocent, I stand for justice.

I could physically feel the awesome power that is in the word justice as I thought about

justice. Justice is a lifeforce.

And I remembered, that I stood for justice. And then I was persecuted. And then I had to

work for a living to have money for necessities and my mind that has been designed to think,

shut down, and I lost that part of myself.

And I felt like the princess in a fairy tale where a witch, i.e. the harsh circumstances of life,

cast a spell on the princess, and she becomes a scarecrow on a dry and barren field and

stands there, frozen, dead, becomes a piece of wood, until the prince. i.e. divine justice,

comes along and breaks the spell and the princess comes back to life. And then the princess

and justice marry and enjoy life forever after.

On my pilgrimage to Maria Klobenstein, I resumed my life purpose to stand for justice. I

came to myself as I walked with God.

I walked on and I felt as if an angel put a golden robe around me. If anything would save my

life from destruction at this critical part of my life, then it would be justice. I had been born

into injustice and suffered all my life because of injustice and my task was to overcome the

injustice and to create justice. And the God of justice was with me.

I could feel how God looked lovingly at me and smiled and laughed. He did believe in me.

He has always believed in me. He did always know that I would make it. And I was

delighted. I felt super good. My financial problem had lost all its power. It was an injustice

that I suffered financial lack, and I was on a pilgrimage to break this injustice and to restore

justice.

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And God chuckled. He delighted himself in me. And as I looked up I saw a crown of sunlight

over the trees.

As I walked down the stony stairs to the river, and thought about justice, the idea of justice

was so powerful that I could feel it physically.

And I remembered Psalm 84, verse 19, which declares that righteousness and justice are

the foundations of God’s throne. If this is so, then we can and should have a society that is

built on righteousness and justice. Why don’t we?

And this justice that I am writing about is the perfection of love. True justice is not the

courtroom justice of our days. True justice is the foundation upon which all life and this entire

universe and eternity have been built.

We suffer because we live in a society that has perverted justice and this is why the innocent

suffer. The innocent do not get justice. The innocence that I am talking about goes way

beyond what we normally associate with innocence, I am talking about pure innocence, the

total of a human being’s life, and the impact of injustice upon the innocent.

Our society has presently only a dim understanding of justice. We do also not understand

real love. And because we do neither fully comprehend justice and love, we cannot

understand who God really is.

Justice is the full expression of love and vice versa. A society that is not built on love cannot

give and manifest justice and a society that is not built on justice cannot give love. We can

either have a society that is an expression of love, and then this love is the overall

expression of everything and defines, shapes and creates everything, - or we can have a

society which pretends to be based on love which then takes recourse to fantasy love and

invents love ceremonies which are in reality commercial and manipulative events.

Maria Klobenstein came into sight. And I felt that God was with me to give me justice. And I

looked into the future and saw myself as beautiful as the roses and the sunrise in a life of

breathtaking splendour. Tears came into my eyes as I perceived what a wonderful life God

had planned for me, a life that would fully recompense me and wipe out all the traumas and

terrors of my childhood. And I heard God say, just trust me, and it is okay if you cry.

I walked down to the hanging bridge.

As I looked at the hanging bridge over the rushing river and Maria Klobenstein on the other

side, I realized, that it is not life that is against us. It is us who are against us. I had grown up

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with parents who were always against me. I had been trained to have no confidence in

myself.

Life will never be against itself. This is why God is never against people. Life did not create

our problems. Most of our problems were created by people, either by ourselves or by other

people.

Life works always to remove our problems, this is the natural flow of life. Life is always for

us, but we are often or perhaps even always, against us. Why?

We are against ourselves because we do not know ourselves. It takes time to know

ourselves, and the only one who knows who we are is God and only he can reveal to us who

we are.

We don’t know who we are. If we knew, most of us would not be where we are and not be

doing what we are doing.

As I took my first step onto the hanging bridge, I delighted myself in the knowledge that God

knows who I am. And this is, what he wants to communicate to me: the truth about myself.

He wants to bring me safely from the wrong side onto the right side, from the wrong way of

living into the right way of living, from insecurity to security.

God laughed and I laughed, too. God was bringing me to myself. After 56 of being literally

dead and incarcerated, he was resurrecting me and I was amazed as I felt that what he

desires is a close relationship with me. And I am so happy as I realize that God is in love

with me and that I am in love with him.

And as I look at the river many feet below and the bridge starts to swing, I realize that I have

been created for eternity and eternal life.

What then does life on this planet mean? It is a preparation for eternity, and an eternity with

God.

I do not have to fear death. When I die, God will be waiting for me and he will welcome me

with open arms and kisses and we will forever be one and united. I have never loved anyone

as much as I do love God. He does understand me.

God and I are in love with each other. This is my true life story, and it is an eternal story.

What would happen if I would only listen to the voice of God within me?

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Is my torment merely a reflection of my insecurity? Are the thoughts and imaginations of the

evils that could befall me only mirrors that show me my lack of confidence?

I sighed. And I thought: what I need is a peaceful holiday with only God and me. No cars, no

noises, no distractions, only serenity and tranquillity. Flowers and sunshine.

.

VII. IN THE STILLNESS OF THE CHAPEL

There is a natural and spectacular stone and sand beach at the river in Maria Klobenstein.

The water is ice cold and the current is fast and dangerous. This part of the river is used for

adventurous excursions and red rafting boats filled with tourists navigate several times

during the day through the gourge.

The complex of Maria Klobenstein consists of a Church which was built above the

Klobenstein rock and a Chapel that was built under the rock. There is also a pub that leads

up to the Chapel. The pub was built on the place where the original hermitage once stood.

Pilgrimages to Maria Klobenstein started about 300 years ago.

The shortest way to the Chapel and Church leads up the hill, past some natural springs, and

then directly through the pub.

I was quite amazed to see an uncommon announcement clearly visible on a board outside

the pub, and what it said was: half nacked people are not welcome here. I looked at the

purple mini dress that I had put on, and as I looked down my legs and arms, I felt uneasy

because I was half nacked.

I went through the pub, anyway,and came to the Chapel. It was built in 1731.The picture of a

boy on the windowsill caught my attention. He had been saved from drowning when his

parents took recourse to Mother Mary.

There is a fresh water spring in the Chapel. Some people consult astrologers when

everything else has failed, and some people turn to God.

I wonder what the meaning of Mother Mary could be as I look at the Lourdes statue in the

Chapel, and I hear that it is to birth the divine. Mother Mary birthed the divine. I want to birth

the divine in me, too, but I cannot. And I wonder if my money block is really real or

imagined?

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How does one feel when one knows that one will lose everything?

I collected some holy water and a holy white stone.

I felt the presence of the angel who lives in Maria Klobenstein and that he was happy to see

me.

It was quiet. And I thought that I had always wanted a quiet life but did never have it. It was

time for me to get a quiet life now.

VIII. OVERWHELMED BY DESPAIR: WHY SHOULD I

CARRY ON AND WHY SHOULDN’T I RETIRE FROM

LIFE?

I stand in the Chapel and the words no confidence come up in my mind again. And as I

stand in the sanctuary, I feel that in my moments of depression I have no confidence in life

and no confidence in my future. My unhappy childhood robbed me of most of my confidence,

and then the storms of life took the rest away.

I think about my overdue storage bill. I have no money to pay it. One company did not pay

me, and this is a hard blow at this time. I have no money coming in. June was financially a

bad month for me.

Is everything over for me? And I feel that I will die. Not, that I want to die, but because I am

unable to make the money that I need and to do what I love to do.

I think about the only printed pictures that I have of my dead son. The pictures are in

storage. If I cannot pay the storage bill, they will throw the pictures and everything else

away. I had more pictures, but they disappeared years ago when our car was stolen. The

pictures are priceless. The necklace that my son wore is also in storage, and his ring, and

some locks from his hair. And the pillow that he used to sleep on. And the clothes and shoes

that he wore.

What will I do if I lose the priceless memories of my dead son? And I think, that if God allows

this to happen, will I be ever able to talk to him again? Would I not be inclined to hate him,

and even to curse him? I all I can feel is incredible pain.

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And I despair. My stomach and head ache.

As I stand in the Chapel and think about the lack of adequate finances in my life, I wither

away like a flower. Life is suddenly meaningless. All my joy evaporates. The problem is like

an evil vacuum cleaner that sucks my life away.

I think about the bills for my 2 companies and how often I did not buy things for me that I

needed but paid the bills instead.

If I cannot pay the bills, I will lose my companies.

And I despair even more. By now I feel physically sick.

And I think about my phones, my tablet, my subscriptions, and the other bills. I am unhappy.

My life is destroyed. Will I ever recover?

And I sink into even deeper despair.

I think about the Masters Degree to which I have been accepted. And now I don’t have the

money to enrol. And I feel that I do not want to live anymore. I want to do my first PhD, but,

can I, will I? And I sigh deeply and I think about the Masters Degree that I started 18 years

ago. I was able to pay the enrolment fee, and one or more instalments, but then I ran out of

money, and I had no choice but to leave the course and did not obtain the Masters Degree

because I did not have the money. And I was looking for work like crazy and would have

worked 10 jobs, but all I could find was one tiny job and it paid too little money to study and

to upkeep me and my son. And now, 18 years later, I am in the same situation, and a

situation that is actually even worse.

I don’t won’t to be anymore confronted with my problem. I don’t want to have anything to do

with lack.

And I wonder: am I destined to die? Am I destined to never live? Am I destined to never

make it?

I am currently homeless, although I have money to pay for accommodation. I have no

financial security and no money now, and this means, that I cannot have a permanent home.

I have been homeless in London so many times and had repeatedly problems with loud

neighbours, and this has traumatized me and so much that I will never rent a home in

London again, except a small room. I might perhaps buy a house in London but would never

again rent a flat or a house. If I think about my unhappy life in London and the death of my

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son in London, I know I can never live permanently in London. And I cannot live in any big

city. I must be in nature.

And I wonder: Where will I live? What will I eat? I do currently not have the money to eat

properly, and I feel it, it’s not good for my body. One has to eat well when one is in the Alps.

I can only despair when I think about all the evils that will befall me because of lack of

money. There is no way out. I cannot see a way.

And, worst of all is, that I have a business opportunity lined up but no money to travel to the

scheduled meeting and thus cannot obtain the money that it would bring me. And it would be

enough money to study and to do everything else that I want to do.

I am in an impossible situation, and I am stuck.

And I look at the spring in the Chapel, the river of life, and I think how wonderful it is to have

all the money to do what one wants to do.

I think about the grave of my son. It is in London in England. Will I ever come back to

London? Will I ever visit my son’s grave again?

And I ask myself why I am spending so much money to run 2 companies and so much time

and money to publish videos, music and books and articles?

I tried everything to make money, but so far nothing did work. And I did always have to work

jobs to have money for my expenses and to build up my companies. And currently I still have

to work jobs that do not align with my life purpose, and I hate it. It is not good for me.

I look at the flowers in the Chapel and I ask myself: Will God fail me? And, if he fails me,

what will I do? Will I, once again, start again from scratch after having lost everything?

And I wonder why I live and what I am doing on this planet and in this world.

And I tell myself that I am 56, and that I will be 57 next year, and that I should take it easy,

apply for social security, and then just relax and retire and leave all my work unfinished and

undone. And now I get so depressed that I feel that I do not want to live anymore.

I feel cheated out of life. And I think about the cream cake in the bakery that I would love to

buy and eat but I have no money to buy it.

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What will I do? I have no clue. One thing is sure: I will not commit suicide. I will stick it out.

This is my intention. It is so ridiculous: a whole life, a whole destiny, defeated by lack of

money.

And I feel bitter because I know that I cannot start again if I lose everything that I have built

up in the last 2 years. I am no longer 23. I need rest. I do need a home, a real home. I sigh. I

did never have a real home. It is very difficult to be creative without a real home, at least for

me.

Can I still have hope?

I am near to collapsing now. The idea that I cannot progress in my life purpose and fulfil it

because I do not have the money is a torment that is unbearable. My throat feels tight.

I cannot see how I can survive the losses that I anticipate. And I think about Christians who

ask God to let them die because they feel so miserable.

I don’t want to die. I want to live. I want to move forward. But, I need money to live and to

move forward. And at this time in my life, I do not have money, once again.

But, today I made the decision that I will not end my life. I do not know what will happen to

me and with me. Should I give up? And, is there a reason why I shouldn’t give up? I can no

longer bear the cycles of financial lack that have devastated my life again and again and

again.

What, if I just rent a tiny room somewhere and stop all my creative work and just exist along

and wait until I die? I noticed that I cannot be really creative when I do not have money. I get

depressed when I have no money.

I have noticed that I am also unable to pray when I am in deep despair.

Do I need the photos and memories of my dead son? Do I need a PhD? Do I need a

company? Do I need to write? Do I need to sing? Do I need a mobile phone? Do I need a

home? Do I need the cream cake that I think constantly about? Do I need a bank account?

Do I need anything that costs money?

I take a deep breath. It would be nice to be able to take part in life. But, what if one cannot

take part in life because one does not have the money that it takes to take part in life?

And as I look out of the open Chapel door, I am sad that it has come to this. And I wonder if

it is possible to ever take fully part in life again if one has experienced such despair, even if

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all the money arrives? Financial lack is turning me into a hermit. I cannot take part in any

social activities. Even simple things like having coffee and tea or eating out, are impossible.

And I sigh. And I cannot understand why God allows me to be in this terrible life situation.

IX. WALKING THROUGH THE KOLBENSTEIN

Next to the Chapel lies the Kolbenstein, a gigantic rock.

According to legend there was a woman who was one day alone in this narrow valley. As

she looked, she saw a huge rock that was rolling down the mountain towards her and about

to kill her. In her distress she cried out to the Virgin Mary and the rock split and the broken

parts stood on her left and right side. There was a passage through the rock and the woman

could continue unhindered on her way.

I look up the Kolbenstein. This is a monumental rock, as tall as a house and it would have

crushed the woman if it had caught her.

I feel sympathy for the woman. She faced an approaching problem that was about to destroy

and end her life. And this is exactly the situation that I am in. I am facing my Kolbenstein.

And my Kolbenstein is approaching fast and can crush me at any moment.

The legend indicates that the Kolbenstein appeared suddenly, and this is how my problem

showed up, suddenly.

There was nothing that the woman could do, and there is nothing that I can do.

There are some steps, and I walk through the 2 split parts of the Kolbenstein. The stairs lead

directly to the Church. I rest on the top stair, the walk up was rather steep. And I look at the

Kolbenstein and the passage through the rock. Heaven made a way for the woman where

there was no way. And Heaven must make a way for me.

The Kolbenstein rock is so big that it cannot be halted by human power and strength. And so

it is with my life problem. I cannot stop it.

It is wonderful that a stone that was to become a tomb stone, did become a memorial of

supernatural intervention that stopped the death of a woman. The woman did not die.

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And if she did not die, then I will not die. Our Kolbensteins should not kill us, they should

become a passage through which we move on into a new and better season of our lives.

I feel that God brought me on purpose to this pilgrimage site. And I ponder that the fact that I

am here is the sign that I am in safety and that my Kolbenstein is already split.

Nothing in Heaven and on Earth can stop my destiny and progress.

X. THE CHURCH

I enter the Church. It consisted originally of 2 Chapels which were united. One Chapel has a

Black Madonna, and the other a White Madonna. There is also a statue of Mary the Queen

of Peace.

Testimonies of miracles are displayed in the hallway. I am impressed by the testimony about

a 5-year-old boy who accidently shot himself with a revolver while playing and who got

healed.

The testimonies are all from people who could not help themselves. One testimony is about

4 people who got caught up in a terrible storm high up in the Alps and who survived it

unharmed. There are also paintings of thanksgiving from several people who received

miraculous healings.

As I look at the Black Madonna I remember that my mother prayed when I had contacted

Typhus B from an infected banana skin as a baby, and she prayed to Mother Mary, and I

was miraculously healed. The doctor had told her that I might have to spend the rest of my

life hospitalized. I remembered that I had been saved from rape twice when I was a teenager

and in both cases Mother Mary was involved.

And I pondered that at this crucial time in my life, Mother Mary had reappeared in my life.

The Grimm fairy tale village in Germany along the Romantic Rhine where I want to have one

home, is Mother Mary land. Mother Mary statutes are everywhere on the roads and

waysides and even built into houses. I had also been led to go to Einsiedeln in Switzerland

and discovered that it is a famous pilgrimage site where the Black Madonna is revered.

26

And I wondered who the Black Madonna is. I know that she is connected to Archangel

Michael. And Archangel Michael and I are closely connected. I don’t know why and I cannot

explain it.

And I sigh. And I wish I could be free of financial lack. And I determine that I will be.

I know that Heaven has imparted things into me and that they will come out at their

appointed times. And I wonder what I will do when I will be 70, 80, 90, 100 and 110. I know

that my life must and will totally change. And I feel that I carry the divine. I carry the light

within me. I am light. And I hear God chuckling again, he is so happy that I understand that

he and I belong together, and that there is really nothing to be afraid of. And I hear that his

grace is upon me and that I will walk on paths that no one has walked on before and go

higher than anyone has ever gone. And he stretches his right hand out and puts my right

hand into his.

As I look at the bunch of white roses on the altar I know that God is my only security and

confidence in this life and throughout eternity. And I am grateful as I understand how greatly

loved and richly blessed I am and awed that God is teaching me. I am his beloved child and

he has already split the rock of my troubles and he is leading me on.

I step out of the Church and look across the river and the wood and the sky. The financial

problem that was telling me that my life is meaningless has become meaningless. It does not

matter anymore. I am protected by Heaven. I will make it through every problem and life

storm and all evil will bow as I walk on my path.

And I feel God’s love physically, and I feel the love of the angel who lives at Klobenstein and

I feel the love of the sun, and I hear God say: do not fear and do not worry.

XI. CARRYING HOLY WATER THROUGH THE STORM

It was getting dark, and I decided to get back to my car which I had parked miles away. It

would take me at least one hour to get out of the wood.

I took my holy water and the holy stone and walked slowly down the hill.

When I stepped onto the wooden hanging bridge, I heard the first thunder. I climbed up the

steep arrangement of stairs made of wood and natural white stones and continued along the

high and narrow path through the wood.

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And I talked to God and he talked with me and there was peace. I did no longer talk about

my financial crisis.

I heard another thunder. I wondered if I should panic and be scared, but I felt divinely

protected and prayed that it would not rain until I would sit safely in my car, and this was

exactly what happened.

I followed the narrow Smuggler Path back to Koessen, and I felt that the angel who lives at

Maria Klobenstein was accompanying me. I knew that he would see to it that I would safely

arrive at my car.

I was in a good mood at the outset of the storm. What made this experience so enchanting

and pleasurable was that I knew that I would come out safe and well.

And I carried the holy water and the holy stone through the wood and I was not afraid.

I knew that I would be home, soon, and that the storm would neither overwhelm, nor harm,

nor destroy me. The feeling of being safe that I had was very strong. I boldly faced the

approaching storm. I welcomed it. I was excited to play with the storm. I felt strong and big,

stronger and bigger than the storm.

As I walked in my sandals over the stones and looked at the trees around and the river

below, I realized that I did not experience and define the storm as a danger and a threat.

And I was amazed. Why was I not afraid? Why didn’t I panic? Why didn’t I imagine what

would happen to me if a lightning struck me or if I would get caught up in a heavy rain?

This was my first outdoor experience of a storm in the Alps and I was calm and confident.

And I wondered: if I am able to experience and face an approaching storm all alone in the

woods in the Alps in the evening, a situation that could potentially be very dangerous and

even lead to death, why can’t I experience and face every life storm with serenity,

excitement and the confidence that it cannot and will not harm me?

Why was I so confident and fearless in the approaching storm, and why do I tend to worry

about life storms?

Is it possible for us to face life storms without worry and fear? Can we go in peace through

all life storms because we know that all shall be well with us, always, at all times, no matter

what Can we stop our memories of the bad experiences of our past?

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And I thought about all my bills and all the money that I needed and I wondered, if it was

possible to be in this difficult situation and to not fear and to not despair, and I knew that it

was.

Can we live after our dreams die? And if we can, what kind of lives do we live then? It is not

a happy life after all dreams die. And I wondered how many people are alive whose dreams

died.

And I wondered what God will do with all those people who could never see their dreams

come to pass, who could never express their divine self and who were wandering tomb

stones in our world that is a large cemetery?

And as I reached the end of the wood and walked through the howling wind and carried the

holy water and the holy stone in my hands, I remembered the last words of my son before he

died, “All shall be well”.

I wondered if I have still any residue of strength left to face life storms? And I wondered,

what if my life on Earth is meaningless? What if I can never be and have on Earth what I

want to be and to have? The thought of lifelong limitations, lack and unhappyness creates

feelings of bitterness.

I felt that I am on the wrong planet and in the wrong society. I do not feel free because I am

not free, and I cannot be free unless I am financially free.

What do we do when life becomes too much? What do we do when we lose every motivation

and purpose to live?

We need to experience success if we want to enjoy life. It is impossible to be happy if we

experience one disaster and disappointment after the other. For how many people is life just

one long disappointment?

I realized that my negative thoughts were just the fantasies of my mind and not the truth. I

could not exclude God out of the equation. I had to acknowledge my divinity and that there is

a higher way than fear, bitterness and self inflicted defeat.

And God looked at me, with pure love, and smiled. And he whispered that he wants me to be

happy and that he will make me happy. And I felt God’s compassion towards me and

understood that my financial problems will cease. And I felt how interested God is in my

wellbeing and every area of my life and how concerned he is about every problem that I

29

face, and that his love is truly eternal. And I felt that God is really my father and not just a

tale or a story that someone invented.

Finally I arrived at the end of the wood. I reached my car and drove home. And then it

started to rain. The wind was very strong. It blew plastic bags onto the road. Lightnings lit up

the evening sky. There were not many cars on the road.

Later in the evening, I sat on my balcony and enjoyed a cup of peppermint tea with honey. A

nightingale sought protection from the storm under my big wooden roof, and as we sat there,

me and the exhausted bird, we both looked across the land, and in the far distance we saw

the lights of a car high up on a mountain as it was driving down through the night and the

storm.

I enjoyed the summer storm. I came out safe and well. And I wondered: why is it, that we do

not come out safe and well of every life storm, why is it that some life storms cause harm to

us?

XII. THE WASPS IN OUR MINDS

Before and after the summer storm and my pilgrimage to Maria Klobenstein, there was a

wasp invasion on the northern balcony of my holiday home. Wasp plagues are quite

common in Tyrol.

Hundreds of wasps had built a nest in the big Persian rug that lay on the balcony. They had

totally infiltrated the rug and taken over.

And as I watched the wasps, I had to think about the wasps in our minds.

Our minds have been infiltrated by wasps, and these wasps are destroying our lives.

The wasps in our minds have many names. The wasps make our lives impossible to live.

They make us tired. They distract us. They torture us. They annoy us. They frustrate us.

The wasps in our minds are persistent. But, we can get them out of our lives.

I took a bucket and filled it with water and mixed some antidesinfectant into it and threw the

water onto the wasps. I repeated the process a couple of times. Many wasps died. The pest

was now under control. We threw the carpet down into the garden.

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The carpet was fully cleansed and the wasp pest was succefully stopped.

We have the power to stop the wasps in our minds.

XIII. LIFE IS A PILGRIMAGE TO OURSELVES

My pilgrimage to Maria Kolbenstein reversed and changed my financial situation. I have

already experienced one positive financial result that happened on the day of the pilgrimage

and I am expecting to see more results.

God taught me many things during my pilgrimage. A very important truth that he taught me is

that life is a pilgrimage to ourselves.

We are pilgrims on this Earth and we are on a journey and this journey leads us to discover

and know and understand ourselves.

Life is a revelation about ourselves and who we are. And as we learn who we are, we learn

who God is. He is the master teacher. I have many books and CDs and audio programmes

and I receive many emails from authors, spiritual teachers and self development experts and

prosperity teachers, but I know no teacher and no teaching that can be compared to God

teaching and the unique way in which he teaches. He teaches me things that no human

teacher is teaching. God teaches in love, and this is real love. God does not sell his

teachings. His teachings are free.

Life is the beginning of the revelation of eternity and especially of eternal wisdom, joy and

justice. Life is also the revelation of God and his love for us.

Life is meant to be happiness and delighting in who we are. The unfolding of life means that

we become fully alive and that we delight ourselves in God and in all of creation.

Life is an eternal celebration of the love, goodness and splendour, wonders and majesty of

God and our place in God. Life is the manifestation of eternal beauty, of total fulfillment and

everlasting contentment.

My pilgrimage put everything back into perspective. My life problem has become

meaningless and powerless. It cannot harm me.

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I have something greater to live for than problems. And as I stand on the truth of who I am, I

have great joy, security and contentment in the middle of my greatest life crisis.

XIV. CONCLUSION

It is difficult to stand in the middle of a life crisis and easy to be carried away into despair and

hopelessness.

Our life crises can entice us to draw the conclusion that life is meaningless and that our lives

are meaningless but the truth is that our life problems are meaningless and powerless.

We are more than mere human beings who are at the mercy of uncontrollable and often

hostile events and circumstances. Our happiness is more important than events and

circumstances. Our happiness is securely anchored when it rests in who we really are, and

to know who we are, we have to go through a revelation process which is ongoing.

Our lives are secure on Earth and throughout eternity if we develop a close relationship with

God, the master teacher. God will always split the rock of our life problem for us and make a

passable path though it, so that we can move on and proceed with our lives and leave the

problem behind us.

In our own eyes we do often fail, but in the eyes of God we never fail.

Written in Koessen, Austria, in July 2015

© 2015 Renata Leuffen - All rights reserved. You may print, reproduce, and use the

articles on renataleuffen.com and academia.edu for personal, educational or non-

commercial purposes. Copying, redistribution, or use of any material on this site for

commercial purposes is prohibited without the express written permission of the

author.

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