The Art Within Madness

THE ART WITHIN MADNESS

RESHMA VALLIAPPAN

Abstract: The mental health system, profession and care purely workson traditional treatment and rehabilitation using a range ofcontrolling care, stigmatizing labels and lifestyles, based on socio-political construction of mental health and mental illness. Despite thenumber of available and documented research by knownpsychologists, psychiatrists, and survivors on alternative therapyclearly showing a different perspective of living with mental illness,the individual or the schizophrenic continues facing an existentialdeath. This paper will particularly focus on schizophrenia and theprescribed models of recovery versus possible models of living.

I have organized my paper into three main sections. Thefirst section looks at Art being defined as slyness, trickery,or craftiness within the socio-political construction of themental health system. Madness in this context is thefoolishness of the profession, the system, and the care inrespect to the madness of an individual. In the secondsection, Art means the creative act meant to communicateor express the senses, the experiences, the mind inspiredby the madness of the said schizophrenic who learns to

express his symptoms through a creative medium. I endthe third section, where Art is used to mean the skill to livein madness, i.e. in being the schizophrenic and themeaning the person derives from his or her experiencesthat contributes to the evolvement of the ‘soul’ through thesymptoms. I would be addressing these accounts throughan auto-ethnography approach of living with paranoidschizophrenia without medications, and how I, as aschizophrenic being, have studied myself, my symptomsand my creativity to live with a condition that science sayshas no cure. The sections will question the age-old ideas ofpsychosis and medical models of recovery which destroythe actual ‘nature’ of being.

The Art Within Madness 67

Keywords: paranoid schizophrenia, alternative approaches, mentalhealth, art, psychosis.

The mental health system, profession and carepurely works on traditional treatment andrehabilitation using a range of controlling care,stigmatizing labels and lifestyles, based on socio-political construction of mental health and mentalillness (Walker). Despite the number of availableand documented research by known psychologists,psychiatrists, and survivors on alternative therapyclearly showing a different perspective of livingwith mental illness, the individual or theschizophrenic continues facing an existential death.This paper will particularly focus on schizophreniaand the prescribed models of recovery versuspossible models of living. Another purpose is tobring to light multiple perspectives ofschizophrenia which has a different purpose innature and being. To limit it to a psychiatricdisorder amounts to turning a blind eye toschizophrenia’s other dimensions.

I have organized my paper into three mainsections. The first section looks at Art beingdefined as slyness, trickery, or craftiness withinthe socio-political construction of the mentalhealth system. Madness in this context is thefoolishness of the profession, the system, and thecare in respect to the madness of an individual. Inthe second section, Art means the creative act meantto communicate or express the senses, theexperiences, the mind inspired by the madness of thesaid schizophrenic who learns to express hissymptoms through a creative medium. I end the thirdsection, where Art is used to mean the skill to live

in madness, i.e. in being the schizophrenic and themeaning the person derives from his or herexperiences that contributes to the evolvement ofthe ‘soul’ through the symptoms. I would beaddressing these accounts through an auto-ethnography approach of living with paranoidschizophrenia without medications, and how I, as aschizophrenic being, have studied myself, mysymptoms and my creativity to live with a conditionthat science says has no cure. The sections willquestion the age-old ideas of psychosis and medicalmodels of recovery which destroy the actual ‘nature’of being.

I. THE ART WITHIN MADNESS: The Outside World

Psychiatric models and terminologies have givenbirth to a discriminating existence to an individualwho is diagnosed with mental

Samyukta: A Journal of Women’s Studies (July 2011) Vol. XI. No. 2

68 Reshma Valliappan

illness, especially schizophrenia. This is a diseaseof the disease. This labeling might have madetreatment and recovery possible only in the eyes ofthe professional practitioners but not from the eyesof the patient and their socio-cultural environmentand background. The terms, the language, the wordsare the chain that creates an illusion of illnessand recovery and further destroys possible platformsof recovery and lifestyle choices. This is themadness within the wall of recovery that looks atrecovery from restrictive lenses instead of thefreedom in being and expressing.

Portrait of the Schizophrenic

Throughout history, psychiatric care, hospitalsand institutionalization have been the foundationstone for building recovery in the schizophrenicperson. This is then followed by forced or trickedmedical treatment for those who can afford to keepthe schizophrenic at home. Many families, guardians,or those living with the schizophrenic person gothrough periods of shuffling between care at homeand hospitals, institutions, and asylums. Theschizophrenic then finds himself a place in thehearts of these walls. It’s within a period of timewhere he then is in a confused romance and decidesto just be with the walls. He surrenders his needsand wants, his desires and temptations, his ideasand philosophies for this prejudiced relationshipthat stemmed from an arranged marriage and he can nolonger find it in him to divorce her.1

For him, this is the relationship he has alwaysknown, always had, and always will continue havinguntil he eventually faces a physical death. Hebecomes the unfortunate romantic fool, who wouldn’tlook at another woman2 who might offer him a betterrelationship, who would not nag and force him to dothings, nor control him and drive him nuts.

Here lies the contradiction in such recoverywhere a mad person is being driven into madness. Heis kept crazy. He cannot see beyond this newidentity which condemns him to a lifetime of beingthe celebrated madman in pajamas within the fourwalls.

His make-up artists consist of various side-effects of pharmaceutical drugs. His new lookchanges from dry mouth, constipation, blurredvision, drowsiness, lactation, sexual dysfunction


or no sexual desire, drastic weight gain,restlessness, stiffness, tremors, muscle spasms,tardive - dyskinesia, low white blood cells, and anincreased risk in obesity, diabetes, hyperglycemiaand high cholesterol. His opposite sex faces all ofthe above with drastic menstrual conflicts.

This look glamorizes the schizophrenic,painting a well-established portrait and if one isfound to not fit under this diagnostic look, s/he isquestioned if s/he truly is a schizo.3 Theschizophrenic director consists of all thoseinvolved in being the carer or treater playingdictatorship, Hitlerian do’s and don’ts. The schizois directed on how to eat, where to sleep, how tobehave, what to say, what he should do, what heshould not do, what to think, followed by othertypical bad parenting traits. The schizo is treatedlike a child, made to feel like a child, but thesystem expects him to recover like an adult. Thisconstant conflict and confusion add to the madnessin recovery.

The schizo realizes that it’s far more peacefulto remain mad and within the walls, because it willallow him to at least just be. The prescribedrecovery only seems to drain him of his energy andconfuses his abilities in decision making4 andchoices5 that every human being is supposed to have.Here lies the question whether one size fits allmodels. The situation worsens as the side effects oftreatment impair the decision making capacities.6

The supporting actors are newly made friends in

the hospitals, or the support groups, or theinstitutions, and/or the schizophrenic voices andalter egos. These friends are seen as the new kidson the block. They become his comfort, his closestallies and sometimes enemies, his curse and hisboon, and he becomes them. This updates his currentinterest, hobbies and pastimes and ambitions. Whathe had before is thrown into the bin. This is hisnew hang out, his new friends, his new look, his newidentity, his new environment, his new culture, hisnew lifestyle and newer ambitions. He lives in thisnew school and finds himself fitting in, out ofchoice or not. He eventually builds his identityhere, engaging in the routine like everybody else.He discovers a different side of him, which nowdominates and/or erases his old self. His lifestylerevolves around waking up like a zombie, walkingaimlessly, talking to oneself or to others (real andunreal) pacing back and forth erratically, yellingand smashing things every now and then


(due to lack of expression and complete frustrationwith a monotonous culture).

His ambitions range from getting better togetting better to getting better to getting betteruntil he eventually realizes that there isn’t a goodenough reason in getting better and eventually takeshis own life. His suicide isn’t because the voiceswere telling him to kill himself, but because thevoices eventually got stronger and compensated forwhat the real people couldn’t offer him. The voicesunderstood his pain better than anyone else. 7

The brush, the colors and the mediums

It is said that there isn’t one particularidentified cause for schizophrenia as they ‘can be’organic, substance induced, and very oftenhereditary. In fact, according to the Diagnostic andStatistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published bythe American Psychiatric Association and otherpsychiatric journals, mental illness is most ofteninherited. A schizophrenic mother will positivelypass on her illness or symptoms to her children orpossibly skip a generation. A family with a historyof suicide would certainly have a future descendent,as applicable to a history of cancer, heart disease,diabetes, and so on.

Therefore, an evolutionarist would point outthat it is not a cause but merely the inheritance ofthe gene which multiplies itself only to adapt andsurvive as mankind continues evolving. Ascivilization and modernism fertilizes stress, the

gene goes through a constant pressure therebysuccumbing itself to transform and adapt. A fatherwho is a Type A Personality – having a history ofalcoholism, childhood experiences of climbing treesand hunting wildlife, burning the family car out ofargument with his father – will certainly pass thesetraits to his child. Likewise, a mother who is aType B Personality – believes in ritualistic prayersand constantly talks to God and asks for protection– will pass her traits to the child she carries. Thechild born to these parents will not show all of thetraits when he is born but will develop them as hefaces different struggles in life.8

As he passes through a series of traumaticexperiences, some of the traits intensify ormultiply as defense or coping mechanisms which canbe described as an over-expression of thatparticular trait according


to the present socio-cultural norm and all of thatwhich influences him. So if his father’s expressionof anger, in the year 1970, was to burn the familycar, then it would be logical to conclude that thischild in the year 2002 would express this same traitas burning the house down along with the father.Psychiatry then fails to look at the resemblances ofthe gene. It’s absurd to treat a gene and categorizeit under a diagnosis of a mental illness.9 The DSMcategorizes every possible trait into a diagnosticsymptom. The individual will show signs of positivesymptoms, negative symptoms, and cognitivedisorders. These symptoms then are broken down intofurther sub-symptoms thereby wiping away anypossible actual traits of the individual’spersonality.

From the eyes of the experience, there isalways a cause or trigger of the repressed gene ortrait more so than stress being the only factor oftrigger. Along with the main repressed trait, therewill arise a list of accompanying characteristics,creating a chain reaction of these traits that mightseem contradictory at certain situations. Thesymptom classified as ‘delusion of grandiosity’,finds me believing that I am a famous person or I amgoing to be a famous person. While growing up, Iobserved through media, that every famous personfaces a threat, or harassment, is being spied on,and automatically has to be suspicious of everyone.The psychiatric diagnosis terms this as ‘delusionsof persecution’. This isn’t a separate symptom butonly caused by the original idea of my self-image as

I grew up. Which person living or dead have notlived their versions of grandiosity and accompaniedby the inability to trust easily?

A 22 year old female, fallen madly in lovewould start dreaming endlessly about her new lover,often engaging in fantasy role-plays, watching onlyromance movies and reading the such, singing lovesongs in the shower and having imaginaryconversations just before a date. She would makeremarks such as:

“I see red roses everywhere.”

“Even the movie I saw the other day had the same message.”

“There was a supplement in today’s newspaperon how red roses signify passionate love.”


She calls her best friend and screams: “Oh mygod, I am getting all the signs. He is my truelove.”

Substituting this feel good experience intothat of a victim of rape or violence or any othertraumatic experience will have a different usage ofwords, messages and signs which automatically seemto fall under the criteria of a psychosis. Thevictim will show signs of withdrawal,suspiciousness, apathy, that everyone’s ‘out to get’her, hearing of her perpetrators voice, lack ofemotion, social isolation, low energy, suicidalbehavior. Over a period of years, these naturalreactions dominate her previous known reactions andshe is automatically a schizophrenic. The treatmentand recovery is made on the grounds of the so-calledsymptoms, without taking into consideration a highlyplausible cause of such behavior that requiresrecovery and healing.

The Muse; the Model

The medical model of recovery is understood as‘to get back into the outside world so as to be ableto sustain and care for oneself or stand on one’sown feet financially and be independent.’ From theRecovery versus Medical Model, Spiritual CompetencyResource Centre:

The medical model tends to define recovery innegative terms (e.g., symptoms and complaintsthat need to be eliminated, disorders that needto be cured or removed).Mark Ragins, MD

observed that focusing on recovery doesdiscount the seriousness of the conditions. Forsevere mental illness it may seem almostdishonest to talk about recovery. After all,the conditions are likely to persist, in atleast some form, indefinitely. How can someonerecover from an incurable illness? The way outof this dilemma is by realizing that, whereasthe illness is the object of curative treatmentefforts, it is the persons themselves who arethe objects of recovery efforts. (Seehttp://www.spiritualcompetency.com/)The schizophrenic in remission gets back to

finding some employment and to seeking love andaffection. The person tries to maintain a sociallyacceptable lifestyle, and continues doing what hedid as he understands himself to be at that point intime. He doesn’t know and is not prepared for thesharks in the outside world. He isn’t equipped withthe required skills he had lost while in treatment.He


doesn’t understand the change in culture andenvironment as he was surrounded by a differentreality during his diagnosed identity. The outsideworld looks strange to him, people now dressdifferently, talk differently, act differently, anddo things differently. Backstabbers and ‘bitches’are meaner, politics and diplomacy seems gibberish;he is seen as the epitome of being an alien, anoutsider, an outcast, an exotic creature. He getsused physically, mentally, emotionally, financially,socially, academically. His very existence and beingare constantly ripped off him. This vicious circleof being taken advantage of pushes him into furthersocial isolation and suspiciousness.

Recovery models should not have to focus ongetting back to work or employment or school, butinstead, on getting the individual back in ‘groove’.Every individual will have their own idea ofrecovery and what they understand to be a functionallife.10 Simple everyday battles, such as, learningto make one’s own bed, self-care which includesgrooming and good hygiene, going to places ofworship, paying bills, running household errands orchores, reading, social interaction, and many othertasks need to be re-learnt.

The focus is on a life-long self-effort andself-models of recovery and the quality of life. Acommon principle in weight loss programs and workoutregimens:

“….it is not losing weight that is the finalgoal, it is learning how to maintain that loss whichis the most difficult and time consuming life-long

self-investment.”II. THE ART WITHIN MADNESS: A Possible World

In an interesting partial anticipation of theideas of the R-complex, the American philosopherSusanne Langer wrote:

Human life is shot through and through withritual, as it is also with animalian practices.It is an intricate fabric of reason and rite,of knowledge and religion, prose and poetry,fact and dream…. Ritual, like art, isessentially the active termination of asymbolic transformation of experience…it isborn of an elementary need…. (Sagan 63)Does insanity induce creativity? OR is it that

creativity induces insanity?


There are a number of great geniuses,musicians, artists, writers, and scientists whohave had different forms of mental illness ormental breakdowns. Isaac Newton, RobertSchumann, Friedrich Nietzsche, Vincent VanGogh, Edward Munch, Virginia Woolf, Guy deMaupassant, Johannes Friedrich Hölderlin,Camille Claudel. (Stahl Chapter 1.1)Stahl quoting Dr. Paul Hauck on depression and

the need to communicate:And we all experience anger and fear on a dailybasis. Nearly all cases of depression are self-inflicted and that only through understandingthe deeper psychological roots for thedepression; one can thoroughly heal oneselffrom it. Antidepressant drugs play a major roletaking a patient out of a current depression,but they are unlikely to truly repair thepatients psyche. Most people who suffer fromdepression, artists and non-artists alike,experience a strong desire to work creativelyduring such a depression. The reason for thisis the fact that the depressed feels the desireto communicate and thus share this horrendousfeeling; to tell others about the pain in anappropriate way. Straight words are often toobanal and limited in their expression tocommunicate something rooted so deeply andwhich seems so important. (Stahl Chapter 1.3a)

A personal account of battling a ten day

affair with suicide: Five moons gone...

you only led me into

disillusionment, why? Why do you

tease me like the tide does a

surfer? I rested, and kept resting

in hope

you would carry me away

alas, you only kept me

awaiting

I broke inside, throbbed in pain, beat myself up but only in vain...

I succumbed to all your rules,

but you played me, you arrogant bastard! You only kept me in vain...


I’ve heard of your ways

I’ve seen you embrace others

before me… O’ how I have only

stood in envy watching… They

drift away with you...

you arrogant bastard! You know I

call for you but you only tease me

again

like the blood does a vampire

Is it because I have refused

to bleed...? Is it because I

changed the rules...?

Is it because I manipulated

the blade...? You son of a

bitch! You teased me again!

You left me...

cold and alone...

torn and abandoned...

attached yet distant...

I am incapable of loving

any other anymore

but you...

...you bloody

hitchhiker! You

come as you

wish...

and disappear in the light leaving me stranded as before...incapable of loving any other (Rankouss)There is a certain divinity in taking one’s

life, a kind of ultimate control for which we areall looking. However, suicide is hardly ever causedby creativity because creativity when adequatelyrecognized by the artist should add to their self-esteem. In fact creativity is rather a means to dealwith such highly destructive feelings and it helpsthe affected person to communicate these painful anddangerous feelings. (Stahl Chapter 1.3c)


III. THE ART WITHIN MADNESS: The Inner World

Every individual seeks to find his or her ownmeaning in life and to give meaning to theirexperiences. In doing so, they create their ownrecovery and healing process. Likewise, I create myown meaning of this illness or disease. I now havecome to know that there are many others living withschizophrenia and are off medications. I stillcontinue having certain days that disable me, butduring what others perceive to be ‘disabled’, I ambeing capable in a different reality of my own.

Henri Ellenberger, in his encyclopedic TheDiscovery of the Unconscious (1970), speaks of how Jungunderwent a form of ‘creative illness’ similar tothat suffered by Freud at an identical period (i.e.between the ages of 38 and 43). This illness strikesafter a time of intense intellectual activity andresembles a neurosis or psychosis where the sufferergrows convinced that he is beyond outside help,becomes socially isolated, and turns deeper into hisown self.

A sense of euphoria and a transformation of thepersonality occur immediately after recovery sets inand the subject feels that he has gained insightinto important truths and believes that he has aduty to share these with the world (Stevens 35).This description fits the symptoms of schizophreniawhich were described by Eugen Bleuler in 1908.I hold a mirror, but it does not face me

We grow up learning to adjust to be accepted by

the people and society around us. We are conditionedto fit in everywhere and with everyone. We look atothers and allow our true evolutionary gene to mimicthe very next fur coated Homo sapien. By doing so,we forget to look at our true selves. Born a Hindu,but raised along with other races and religions, Iwas that child who hung around with Gods andGoddesses with multiple arms, multiple faces,multiple powers, multiple avatars or egos, multiplepartners and gender identities, multiple roles,multiple curses and boons. I was also introduced toSunday school and learnt about the newest conversioncalled Christianity. Along with Christ, came GautamaBuddha, another stream of faith leading manyfamilies and individuals calling themselvesBuddhists. Then, the religion that ruled Malaysia,the country I was born in: Islam.


I could be oblivious and ignore the reasonsbehind any of the laws or ways of faiths above but Iwasn’t such a child to not question anything. Infact, I was only thrown out of class for asking toomany questions. In due course of time, I was ignoredor told to be a huge distraction. Eventually, I grewinto a trouble maker and was thrown into detentionor asked to get out of the class.

So, I was a kid who grew everyday questioningand reflecting about all the above religions. Oftenwould I find myself trying to look like one whofollows, or be like a follower. I was only beinghonest to my monkey gene. This trait obviouslyfollowed me into adulthood, but I couldn’t expressmuch of it. It would be crazy. From not being ableto communicate this underlying childhood influencewhich was so important to my psyche of understandingwhere I came from, it turned into a bloody11

schizophrenic delusion of grandiosity.This is the problem with the world. They forget

what they have influenced us with. They forget whatthey have fed our minds during those crucialformative years. Then they remove all of it andthrow us into a jungle of modernism forcing us toadjust with the new age world of Shah Rukh Khans,Superman, Rockstars, Madonnas, and other similar‘real’ individuals who live in their grandiosities.

Look carefully at the following sentence:

I HAVESCHIZOPHRENIATHEREFORE

YOUDON’T EXIST

What does it actually say?

This happens to be a small part of the symptomof disorganized speech, called word salad. I call itthe schizophrenic’s alphabet song. Herein lieshidden codes, secret or divine messages, stronglyheld beliefs, a feeling of grandiosity, and aparticular belief of the self. According to theDiagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, I have allcharacteristics of delusions and disorganizedspeech, thought and


behavior. During such symptom manifestations my realworld also bears similar resemblances to the contentof the symptom.

The Hearings Voices Network believes that thekey in understanding voices lies in the ‘content’ ofthe voice and it is important to give the hearers asafe environment to talk about their voice hearingexperience.

I am in love…

I see things that others can’t see,

I hear things that others can’t hear,

I feel what has not touched me,

I taste and smell what other people say don’t exist,

I live in a different world called fantasy…

They call me crazy; they say I suffer all formsof hallucinations. That I need to live in the ‘real’ world…I am called SCHIZOPHRENIC

BUT BOLLYWOOD calls it LOVE!

Romance it is then and God bless Shakespearefor helping me understand the tragedy and comedythat comes with it. So I evolved from the romanticfool for others to the romantic fool for myself.

On the similar lines of Jung’s creative illnessI relate my existence to the Concept of Dread byKierkegaard where Angst is understood as a profound

and deep-seated spiritual condition of insecurityand fear in the free human being. Where onediscovers true freedom of being but where freedom initself is not free (Kaufmann 105). I have hadmoments of being a slave to my instincts, which areotherwise interpreted as psychotic breakdowns. Inthese instinctual moments or unconsciousness, onebecomes a free animal, an instinctual addiction thathas to be controlled. From living in fear of oneselfI now live in the dread of myself.

Today, as I have made a conscious choice to notsuccumb to psychiatric treatment as I wish to livemy symptoms, I have understood


that I face the similar angst as I now have theanimal instinct constantly churning within me but Ihave to be very conscious of any action I may chooseunder such unconscious influences. I have to beconscious of my unconscious states at all points.

Madness is the accepted murder of the real world (Rankouss)

The Bitter-Sweet Symphony

Apart from the conscious and the unconscious,we have the subconscious where we dream. Our dreamsoften feel so real that we believe we have beenthere, touched that person, animal or thing. We areconvinced that the scene, act, or event has actuallytaken place. We wake up in a puddle of sweat, ortears, or confusion, or disorientation, or laughter,or cries or orgasm. We wake up unconsciouslyreacting according to the content of the dream.Until, our partner, or mother, or pet shakes us andwe are reminded to open our eyes realizing ‘Oh itwas only a dream.’ What this exclamation is sayingis ‘It was only another reality, another world…andit’s over. I am not there now.’

Dreams are our subconscious doing its work12because we are so conditioned to not deal withissues that otherwise trouble us everyday. We painta poker-face and move on, locking all those emotionsand feelings up and burying them deep inside,13promising ourselves to never open that chest. Manypeople are able to live their life doing this. Theschizophrenic does not need a dream. They live it.The eyes are open; it is only unfortunate that theyhave no control over shutting it.

The symbolic meanings that dream interpreters

try to decipher are just the same as that of theschizophrenic saying: ‘that is a sign’ or ‘that is amessage’. The schizophrenic thinks and sees insymbolic language. This is where the conflict ofrealities causes the madness.

My bitter-sweet symphony continues being aparadox in recovery. When a so-called normal persongets angry, one can find them storming out ofmeetings, throwing things around, cursing the otherwith foul language, or simply walking off, but whena schizophrenic does so this is seen as a symptom. Iam not allowed to even be angry nor express it justlike everybody else.14 Thus I simply ask how youwould like me to recover and be like everybody elsewhen I cannot express negative feelings just likeeverybody else. I have a lot more expectation to bein


control of my feelings and behavior which is nothingbut a passive state of being and an on-goingexistential death.Brush Strokes

I began searching for my self through my otherselves. I started swimming into the ocean ofunconsciousness because I did not quite have achoice there. I was already there. I had to learnhow to breathe, snorkel, scuba-dive, learn differentstrokes, and swim amongst the great sharks, friendlydolphins, stinging ray fish, comforting whales, andwhere the ravaging piranhas all dwell. Thisexploration of all selves is called TheArchetypes15resembling Plato’s Ideas (Stevens 48).These archetypes are categorized as the self, theego, the persona, the shadow, the anima and theanimus. Of all five, the shadow is seen to be themost important to master or conquer. This darkcompanion is our greatest enemy and potentially themost dangerous, having a very distressing way ofreminding us of its presence. Just as a child willshow delight and joy when approached by his mother,he will also show signs of weariness and withdrawalwhen approached by a stranger (Stevens 64).

Sketching

Shadow16 said ‘I am always with you, sometimes ahead, sometimes behind; sometimes beside...you just don’t see me in the dark…

Yet, you choose to look at Reflection and play with Ego. – Draca17

After I started accepting my inner appearance,I realized I was also changing my outer appearance,that is my physical appearance: the way I saw myselfinstead of the way people saw me. I learnt to livethis shadow image I had buried inside me as society,18 family and friends had an issue with thatdarkness. I simply stopped suppressing it andallowed it to show. I also realized I could live itwithout committing the acts that are associated withit by years of misunderstandings andmisinterpretations that the outside world attachedto dark existences. I accepted that dragon19 in me.

“Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much asyour own unguarded thoughts.” – The Buddha


Conclusion

By examining my personal experience beforemedications, during medications and withoutmedications, I have realized that the experiences Ihave encountered have numerous meanings which mightnot necessarily make sense to another; but themeaning I derive from it is what helps me makemeaning of it without being in much distressed. Ihave taken into consideration that everyschizophrenic comes with his or her set ofpersonalities, social and economic background,intellectual and cultural background and lifechallenges, therefore their idea of recovery andbeing will be very different than that of mine butit isn’t an impossibility provided if they are showna way to derive their own meaning to theircondition. This touches upon the need to see theperson behind the label as no two schizophrenics arethe same; neither are any two people. Thereforethere cannot be a ‘one size fits all’ model ofrecovery for anyone. I indefinitely do not believethis to be an illness of the mind but an Illness ofthe Soul20 and hence, everything has to be exploredand examined.

FOOTNOTES

1 The psychiatric model system

2 A different approach to care and treatment

3 After losing weight and working on my self-image towhat I was before the treatment, I had many peopleexclaim: ‘You can’t be schizophrenic you don’t lookschizophrenic’ or ‘Does she really have schizophrenia?’‘She doesn’t look like one.’

4 Seehttp://psychnews.psychiatryonline.org/newsarticle.aspx?articleid= 107408.

5 http://www.un.org/disabilities/default.asp?id=272.

6 http://missinglink.ucsf.edu/lm/ethics/content%20pages/fast_fact_ competence.htm.

7 The understanding of the voices here is based purelyupon my personal experience. It might or might notapply to all who live with such symptoms.

8 Psychosocial theory of development by Erik Erikson(Wade 512)

9 It is valid to make the comparison with certain breedof dogs, such as Rottweiler, that were bred and trainedthroughout the years for a particular


purpose that man thought it could offer: trained tokill. The most feared man’s best friend had to face aban in some countries and in the hearts of many. Todaya new generation of love and care in a Rottweiler’straining has changed its personality from killer totherapist and show dog.

10 I constantly question ‘the need of recovery’ when Imight be very happy in a separate reality that otherscannot experience. This in itself makes me feelgrandiose, even though it robs me off simple activitiesas filling forms, going to the bank or cleaning. Attimes, normal necessary activities are of no importanceto me.

11 The word bloody is not used as a curse but to meanstains of a schizophrenic blood implying ‘once aschizophrenic always a schizophrenic’ as anything weexpress or feel is seen as a symptom.

12 “Will it not be enough to say that in dreams anythingis possible – from the deepest degradation of mentallife to an exaltation of it which is rare in wakinghours? Sigmund Freud” (Quoted in Tandan 13)

13 Jung’s Personal Unconscious: The dumping ground whereall our repressed memories and that which we do notwish to think about consciously.

14 I got angry because you said something that hurt me,and not because the voices told me so! (Rankouss)

15 Jung’s hypothesis of the collective unconscious(Stevens 47).

16 I focus this paper on my shadow consciousness, as thishas always been a dominating influence in my life andcontinues to be so.

17 The dominant ‘controlling’ male voice which I named andgave an appearance I could live and relate to, thushelping me understand my states of depersonalizations

or alter ego switches.

18 The moral complex imposes severe restraints on theSelf, much of which is necessarily relegated to theshadow, where it is experienced – when it isexperienced – as a threat. To defend ourselves fromthis threat, and to sustain our peace of mind, we makeuse of a variety of ego-defense mechanisms,particularly repression, denial, and projection. Notonly do we repress the shadow in the personalunconscious, but we deny its existence in ourselves,and project it out on to others. This is done quiteunconsciously: we are not aware that we do it. It is anact of ego-preservation which enables us to deny ourown ‘badness’ and to attribute it to others, whom wethen hold responsible for. This shadow projection iswhen one’s own hostile and persecutory feelings aredisowned, and are projected on to others who are thenperceived as being hostile and persecutory to oneself(see Stevens 66).


19 Might schizophrenia be what happens when the dragonsare no longer safely chained at night; when they breakthe left-hemisphere shackles and burst forth indaylight? (Sagan 210).

20 A term I coin to reinvent and give meaning to whatmadness means.

REFERENCESBuddhist Quotes and Sayings: A View On Buddhism. Web. 21 March 2011.

Hearing Voices Network. hearing-voices.org. 2008. Web. 20March 2011.

Kaufmann, Walter. Existentialism from Dostoevsky to Sartre. NewYork: Penguin, 1975. Print.

Rankouss, Ilex. A Journal of My Alter Ego. Self-written notesduring therapy, 2011.

Sagan, Carl. The Dragons of Eden: Speculations on the Evolution ofHuman Intelligence. New York: Ballantine, 1977. Print.

Stahl, Anne. Till Death Do Us Part: The Marriage of Art and Madness.Annestahl.com, April 1994. Web.

Stevens, Anthony. Jung: A Very Short Introduction. New York:Oxford UP, 2001. Print.

Tandan, Madhu. Dreams & Beyond: Finding Your Way in the Dark.India: Hay House, 2009. Print.

The Purdue OWL. Purdue U Writing Lab, 2010. Web.

The Recovery Model. Spirituality and Recovery from Mental Disorders.Spiritual Competency Resource Centre. n.d. Web.

Wade, Carole and Carol Tavris. Psychology, Second Edition. NewYork: Harper Collins, 1990. Print.

Walker, M. T. ”The Social Construction of Mental Illnessand its Implications for the Recovery Model”.International Journal of Psychosocial Rehabilitation. 10 .1, (2006).

71-87. Web.

The Art Within Madness

Documents

Transcript of The Art Within Madness