Father-Daughter Conflict Resolution

Father-Daughter Relationships 1

Running head: FATHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS

Effective Communication Patterns in Conflict

Resolution between Fathers and Adolescent Daughters

Darya D. Gemmel

CMST 621

Minnesota State University, Mankato


ABSTRACT

The purpose of this study is to examine the dynamics of

father-daughter relationships and make suggestions of positive

maintenance strategies through communication. The study first

summarizes adolescent identity formation and family communication

patterns, with an emphasis on identity formation in girls and

communication patterns of fathers. The study then explores their

roles of identity formation and communication patterns in parent-

adolescent conflict. The focus then narrows to father-daughter

relationships and conflict specifically. The study concludes with

suggestions for positive maintenance strategies that can increase

communication satisfaction in father-daughter relationships.

Keywords: adolescence, adolescent identity formation, parent-

adolescent conflict, family communication patterns theory,

parenting style, father-daughter relationships, father-daughter

conflict resolution

INTRODUCTION

The teen years are some of the most tumultuous in an

individual’s life. The physical and emotional changes a young


adult endures significantly affect the adolescent’s personal,

social, and home lives, and a great deal of research has been

done to explore the impact of these changes on the teenager’s

relationships. One of the relationships most significantly

impacted during adolescence is the parent-child relationship.

Understanding parent-child conflict is important because

researchers have found that the parent-child relationship not

only affects the welfare of the child, but such relationships may

also affect their ability to create and maintain other

relationships, especially those in adulthood (Koesten, 2004;

Miller-Day & Lee, 2001).

There are several sources of conflict between parents and

adolescent children. Many researchers attribute these conflicts

to difference in perspectives of parents and their children (Hawk

et al, 2009; Sillars et al, 2005; Sorkhabi, 2010). Leiman and

Strasburger (1985) describe this stage as “an age of paradoxes”

(664), and attribute conflict to problems that result from the

perils of negotiating the new need for independence from parents

while still recognizing the need to be dependent. Another factor


that affects the nature of conflict between parents and their

adolescent children is parenting style.

The father-daughter relationship is a unique relationship

worthy of study. Punyanunt-Carter (2005, 2006) describes it as

“one of the least understood family dyads,” and states that

research supports the belief that fathers have a significant

impact on their daughters’ lives. For example, Punyanunt-Carter

(2007) found that a daughter’s relationship with her father will

affect her sense of competence, her social and cognitive

development, and her willingness to communicate, all of which

will obviously have a lasting effect on her future relationships.

Finally, another study conducted by Punyanunt-Carter (2007b)

confirmed the belief that daughters with secure relationships

with their fathers felt greater communication satisfaction in

other relationships.

Although parent-child conflict is unavoidable during the

teenage years, that does not mean it must be destructive to the

relationship. In fact, Comstock cites several researchers who

contend that constructive conflict can “promote cooperation,

relational growth, and positive affect” (1994). Essential to the


creation of constructive conflict is an authoritative parenting

style (Steinberg, 2001) and conversation orientation (Koerner &

Fitzpatrick, 1997). As indicated earlier, it is important for

adolescent girls to have healthy, secure relationships with their

fathers, so it is the purpose of this study to identify means by

which fathers and daughters can experience conflict in

constructive ways and have satisfying relationships.

This study seeks to answer two questions: First, what are

the causes of conflict between fathers and their adolescent

daughters, and second, how can fathers and daughters resolve

their conflicts and maintain satisfying relationships? This

report on the means of achieving satisfying and secure father-

daughter relationships through conflict and communication will

fill a gap in parent-adolescent research. While much work has

been done in suggesting ways to manage conflict between parents

and their teenaged children, little has been done to address the

specific needs of fathers and daughters. Through application of

this research, young women will be more likely to create and

maintain relationships with not only their fathers, but also with

others; fathers will enjoy more satisfying relationships with


their daughters; and families of adolescent girls will exist in a

more positive environment.

LITERATURE REVIEW

Adolescent Identity Formation

Adolescence is justifiably described by researchers,

doctors, teachers, parents--and anyone else who has regular

contact with teenagers--as a time of transition or transformation

(Marcia, 1980; Steinberg & Morris, 2001; Gilligan, 1987; Hill,

1992), as it is a time when young people experience biological,

cognitive, and sociological changes (Comstock, 1994; Sillars et

al, 2005). Biologically, adolescents undergo puberty, when

hormonal changes are often accompanied by emotional effects such

as irritability, aggression, and depression (Steinberg & Morris,

2001). Cognitive growth of this stage means that teens are more

able to perform abstract formal operations (Comstock, 1994).

Finally, adolescence is also a time when young persons’ social

focus shifts away from home and toward peers (Hill, 1992) and

“social positioning,” the experience of negotiating their place

in the social hierarchy (Heilman, 1998).


These physical, mental, and social changes all contribute to

adolescents’ development of identity, which is best understood as

“a time of self-exploration” (Steinberg & Morris, 2001, p. 91)

for early- and mid-adolescents. Because they are capable of

thinking reflectively and self-consciously (Gilligan, 1987),

adolescents view the world more abstractly, interpret society’s

norms and values, and begin to formulate a sense of identity,

described by Marcia (1980) “as a self-structure--an internal,

self-constructed, dynamic organization of drives, abilities,

beliefs, and individual history” (p. 159). They consider and

make decisions regarding potential career paths, religion,

politics, friendship, dating, and sex roles (Grotevant & Cooper,

1985). During this time, adolescents also begin to compare

themselves to others physically, socially, and morally; for this

reason, some adolescents struggle with self-esteem (Steinberg &

Morris, 2001), but also sometimes seem to be “self-centered”

(Gilligan, 1987). Although identity development process is not

limited to adolescence, adolescence is the first time young

people are truly capable of sorting through their experiences to


create an identity that will lead them into and through adulthood

(Marcia 1980).

Whereas Erickson originally formulated the concept of

identity formation as a process, Marcia (1980) contributed a

model of identity statuses: achievement, foreclosure, diffusion,

and moratorium. Marcia used the dimensions of exploration of and

commitment to identity-based decisions and goals to the later

stages of adolescent identity formation (Hill, 1992; Klimstra, et

al. 2009; Steinberg & Morris, 2001). Late adolescents in a state

of achievement, the status high in commitment after a period of

high exploration, are on the right track, so to speak; that is,

they are pursuing self-chosen goals. Foreclosure, high in

commitment but low in exploration, describes individuals who are

also pursuing goals, but the goals were chosen by parents. Those

in the state of moratorium, characteristic of high exploration

but low commitment, have suspended pursuit of any goals because

they are in what Erickson described as “identity crisis” (Marcia,

1980, p. 161). Diffusion (low in both commitment and

exploration) is occurring in those who have made no decisions

regarding their future direction. Marcia (1980) goes on to


explain that identity formation status can significantly impact

personality characteristics (such as anxiety, self-esteem,

authoritarianism, moral reasoning, autonomy, styles of cognition,

and college behavior) and patterns of interaction (such as

cooperation/competition and intimacy). Marcia (1980) also

reported on a follow-up study conducted that concluded that six

to seven years later, individuals were between 43 (for

Achievement and Moratorium statuses) and 84 percent (for

Foreclosure or Diffusion statuses) likely to still be in the

identity status they were in college. More recently, in 2001,

Meeus added a new dimension to Marcia’s model. Meeus

distinguished between two types of exploration: in-depth

exploration and reconsideration, which refers to adolescents’

comparing of their current commitments with possible alternatives

(Klimstra et al, 2009).

Although adolescent identity formation is common to all

adolescents (Frank et al, 1951), Heilman (1998) contends that

modern teens, known as Generation X, face challenges other

generations have not had to face. She explains how the current

economic climate, in which the middle class is shrinking, is


“unpromising and with expectations that are confusing” (p. 191)

and has created a culture of cynicism and apathy, which inhibits

the formation of identity in some youth. Heilman also mentions

the increasing influence of media and the decreasing influence of

family on today’s youth. Advertisers spend more than $130

billion a year, with much of that money targeted to creating

images and sending messages to influence identity formation of

modern youth. Media is gaining influence in part, Heilman

argues, because of the changing role of family in the lives of

today’s adolescents. With more children growing up in single-

parent homes or in homes with both parents working, “quality

time” for parents and children is declining, and kids’ exposure

to media is on the rise. These trends are particularly alarming

because, Heilman states, “Identity must be created [by the

individual] rather than received to be authentic, healthy, and

potentially transformative” (p. 202), and more youth are creating

their identities based on media images rather than parent-

imparted values.

Identity Formation in Girls


As stated earlier, identity formation is a task all

adolescents face, and in many respects boys and girls identity

exploration is similar (Grotevant & Cooper, 1995), but for the

purposes of this study, young women’s adolescent experience will

be emphasized. Frank et al (1951) list many necessary “life

tasks” a young woman of our culture must meet (p. 8), including

becoming more independent, accepting the “feminine role” as she

sees it, coming to grips with her sexuality, revising perceptions

and beliefs formed during childhood, conforming to society’s

expectations, and planning/envisioning her future, among others.

One factor affecting teen girls transition into adulthood is

the importance they place on relationships with others.

According to several researchers, girls report greater attachment

to peers (Ma & Huebner, 2008; Heilman, 1998; Gilligan, 1987) even

basing much of their identity on their success (or lack thereof)

on interpersonal relationships (Montemayor, 1982; Gilligan, 1987;

Grotevant & Cooper, 1995). Girls are more likely than boys to

have a “need for dependence” (Gilligan, 1987, p. 3) or to be

“preoccupied with attachment” (Hill, 1993), and focus on care for

others rather than justice in making moral decisions (Gilligan,


1987; Comstock, 1994). The emphasis girls place on relationships

with and concern for others can lead to the development of a

“divided self,” as they must reconcile the sometimes conflicting

needs of her own and others (Heilman, 1998, p. 188). On a more

positive note, the importance of interpersonal relationships

often serves as a coping mechanism for girls, who are much more

likely than boys to seek support from social groups or family

members (Hill, 1993; Ma & Huebner, 2008).

Maturing into a young woman becomes even more challenging

because of the need to meet often conflicting goals. One of

these conflicts is the need of achieving both individuality and

conformity, “be like others and yet different” (p. 28). Each

individual girl must be enough like other girls her age to be

accepted, but she must also stand out as her own person. She

wants to be part of the group, yet somehow be “better than the

group” (Frank et al, 1951, p. 27). Another conflict facing young

women is the often incongruent expectations of the different

facets of her world, namely her peer group and her family. In

the former setting, she may be expected to master the

independence and confidence of adulthood while, in the latter


setting, she may be expected to maintain the dependence and

obedience of childhood.

IDENTITY IN WOMEN, Marcia, pp. 172+

Two challenges unique to experiences of modern young women

are the impact of media and the changing role of women in our

society. As mentioned earlier, media has a significant effect on

all of today’s youth, but studies show that girls are more

vulnerable to negative messages from mass media. Girls consider

appearance as most important in promoting self-esteem (Steinberg

& Morris, 2001), so messages that emphasize the importance of

beauty and sexuality have an impact on girls’ identity formation

(Heilman, 1998). The physical changes girls experience during

puberty, namely, the increase in body mass that makes it very

difficult to attain media portrayal of an attractive body, may

exacerbate girls‘ negative body image (Steinberg & Morris, 2001).

Media also reinforce stereotypes about women’s role in society,

so young women are less likely to explore options that contradict

those stereotypes. One might assume the effect of media on

modern young women will soon experience a decline; after all, in

the past century, women have made incredible strides in rising


from the inferior positions they have long been limited to, and

it is true the past several decades have provided young women

with many role models to emulate. However, girls receive

conflicting messages regarding the power they possess. On the

one hand, they are told that they can become anything they want,

but on the other hand, girls are inundated with media-reinforced

occupational stereotypes (Heilman, 1998). In addition, reality

does not support the notion women and men share the same

opportunities: there are still male-dominated and female-

dominated fields, and women still make about 75% of the income of

men in comparable positions (U.S. Census Bureau, 2010). Once

media messages regarding image and power are internalized by

girls, they are very difficult to overcome, especially since the

encouragement to do so is, at best, ambiguous (Heilman, 1998).

Adjusting to the life of being a grown-up matters because of

the consequences of not doing so effectively. All girls face the

same basic challenges, and most girls make it through adolescence

successfully, but others are not so fortunate. Frank et al

(1951) describe two options available to girls navigating the

complexities of adolescence. The first, more appropriate


response, is “to deal with these problems of growing up

productively as stages in her ongoing maturation”; the second,

more destructive response, is to “attempt to ignore, evade,

postpone, and even to escape from those exigent problems” (p.

28). For the girls in the second group, those who are unable to

adequately maneuver the challenges of adolescence, the results

vary. Some are still able to live and function, in albeit

compromised ways. Other girls, those who are least able to

fulfill their “life tasks” and, instead, seek to escape the

responsibility and pressure often become “abnormal or

pathological cases” (10).

Baumrind’s Parenting Models

Researchers have identified three models of parent control:

authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. At one end of the

spectrum is the authoritarian parent, who “attempts to shape,

control, and evaluate the behavior and attitudes of the child in

accordance with a set standard of conduct, usually an absolute

standard” (Baumrind, 1966, p. 890). This parent values obedience

and order, and restricts autonomy. An authoritarian parent

rigidly enforces expectations and will respond to disobedience


with severe punishment, withdrawal of love. Authoritarian

parents do not allow their children to learn how to manage their

own behavior, rarely, if ever, offering reasons or explanations

for their unilaterally-made decisions (Segrin & Flora, 2005). At

the opposite end of the spectrum is the permissive parent, who

“attempts to behave in a nonpunitive, acceptant, and affirmative

manner toward toward the child impulses, desires, and actions”

(Baumrind, 1966, p. 889). A permissive parent considers him- or

herself a resource for a child and allows the child to set his or

her own standards of behavior. A permissive parent will attempt

to reason with a child, but will not exert power. An

authoritative parent, on the other hand, “attempts to direct the

child’s activities in a rational, issue-oriented manner”

(Baumrind, 1966, p. 891). An authoritative parent values both

self-will and conformity to set standards, so this parent will

use reason and reinforcement to encourage a child to meet

expectations and encourage conversation during mutual decision

making (Segrin & Flora, 2005). This parent will respond to

disobedience by delivering a mild punishment in a loving,

respectful manner. 968; Steinberg, 2001).


The first two methods of parenting, authoritarian and

permissive, are considered the least desirable methods, as they

are associated with negative outcomes for children (Phares,

2008). Although children raised by authoritarian parents are

likely to do well in school and not engage in dangerous anti-

social activities (Grobman, 2008), most likely due to the

potential consequences of not doing so, there are several

significant disadvantages of this parenting style. According to

Baumrind (1966), these children are more likely to be aggressive

or hostile, more dependent on peers, delinquent , less resilient,

and rebellious. Miller-Day & Lee (2001) also found authoritarian

methods of control, like coercion and manipulation, are more

likely to result in foreclosure and continued dependence on

parent approval. Finally, parent-adolescent conflict is most

prevalent in authoritarian homes (Dekovic, 1999). Permissive

parenting also has its drawbacks: greater likelihood for

aggression, rebelliousness, defiance, lack of persistence, and

involvement in anti-social behavior (Grobman, 2008; Baumrind,

1966). Both of these less desirable parenting styles are also

more likely result in a child who has neither fully developed a


conscience (Baumrind 1966, 1968) nor the ability to effectively

engage with others, due to being either overly suppressed or

overly indulged.

Authors agree that authoritative parenting is the most

effective method of parenting (Baumrind, 1966 & 1968; Steinberg,

2001; Phares, 2008; Segrin & Flora, 2005; Steinberg, 2001). This

style of parenting produces many benefits to children and

adolescents raised in this way. First, the parental warmth and

involvement make children more open to influence by their

parents. Second, the presence of both structure and support

allows children to develop stronger self-regulatory skills

(Leiman & Strasburger, 1985; Steinberg, 2001). Finally, the

verbal exchange between parent and child encourages cognitive and

social growth (Steinberg, 2001; Baumrind, 1968; Segrin & Flora,

2005; Henry, 1994; Sillars et al, 2005; Sorkhabi, 2010). Small

(1988) also found that less controlling parents are more likely

to encourage input from their children in making decisions, those

children have a tendency to be more competent, independent, and

responsible. Authoritative parenting is most likely to lead to


the characteristics most parents strive for in raising their

children: productivity, independence, and maturity.

Parent-Adolescent Conflict

Although parent-adolescent conflict is often characterized

as being a time storm and stress, or “frequent, high-intensity,

angry fighting” (Steinberg, 2001, p. 5), most recent research

indicates that such is not the case, at least not in “normal"

situations (Steinberg, 2001; Phares, 2008). It is, however, a

stressful and trying time for parents and adolescents alike. One

of the reasons it is a troubling stage is that there are many

different causes for the conflict.

The result of the physical, mental, and social changes

associated with adolescents is a change in behaviors, caused by

shifts between a childhood desire to be obedient and the more

mature desire to be independent (Comstock, 1994; Frank et al,

1951). This “struggle for individuation” often engenders “role

confusion” for both parents and teens (Comstock, 1994, p. 265).

Change in the “balance of power” that occurs during adolescence

is also a common source of conflict. Adolescents desire (and

require) more autonomy, which requires parents to respond


differently to them, but parents are often unsure of how to do so

(Comstock, 1994; Dekovic, 1999).

Whereas the use of power is an appropriate parenting

strategy to use with young children, the same is not true for

parenting adolescents. Because teenagers are capable of formal

operational thought, they are also capable of thinking critically

about their and others’ actions and decisions. They are also

capable of perceiving alternatives and expressing objections to

parental directives and expectations (Baumrind, 1968; Sillars et

al, 2005). It is difficult, but important, to balance levels of

control to maintain appropriate parental authority while also

allowing the flexibility and freedom for adolescents to accept

appropriate levels of responsibility (Henry, 1994).

Difference in perceptions also account for conflicts between

parents and adolescents (Segrin & Flora, 2005). Sillars et al

(2005) found that family members share little understanding of

what the others are thinking during a discussion; it is this lack

of understanding of each others’ perspectives that can cause a

seemingly simple interaction to escalate into a fell-fledged

argument (Sillars et al, 2005; Segrin & Flora, 2005; Sillars et


al, 2010). For example, a parent’s innocuous inquiry about a

teen’s day or friends may be interpreted by the teen as an

interrogation, resulting in a defensive response, which, when

misinterpreted by the parent, could lead to frustration or

aggravation, which would incite greater annoyance in the teen.

Another example of misunderstanding in parent-adolescent

communication is when the teen perceives as “rule setting” what a

parent considers an attempt to initiate problem solving, so the

teen is unlikely to feel welcome to honestly participate (Sillars

et al, 2010). A teen’s tendency to perceive such situations more

negatively than the parent does, and the parent’s greater

sensitivity to the negativity can cause even further escalation

(Sillars et al, 2010; Dekovic, 1999). These types of everyday

bickering does not remain limited to the isolated incident;

rather, it often affects the overall atmosphere in the home,

making parents and teens hypersensitive to each other.

Because adolescents desire more independence but parents are

not always able or willing to fulfill that need, privacy

violations by parents are also a cause for arguments (Sillars et

al, 2010). This conflict begins with a teen’s growing need for


autonomy, which leads to less time spent with parents

(Montemayor, 1982; Hawk et al, 2009). This is especially true

for girls according to Montemayor (1982), who found that, while

boys will sacrifice time spent alone in order to spend time with

friends, girls are slightly more likely to sacrifice time spent

with parents. An increased priority of peers’ input on

adolescents’ values and standards also leads to less trust,

which leads to more invasion of privacy (Montemayor, 1982;

Comstock, 1994). Another reason for the prevalence of privacy

invasion as a source of conflict is that parents and teens have

very different opinions about which issues the parents should

have input on (Hill, 1992), and teens are most likely to confront

parents directly when they feel their privacy has been violated

(Hawk et al, 2009). This cycle is especially prevalent in

parent-daughter relationships because, as mentioned earlier,

girls place a great emphasis on their relationships with peers,

so they are even more likely than adolescent boys to spend

additional time away from parents (Montemayor, 1982).

Another reason privacy invasion causes conflicts is the

nature of their teen’s response to topics they would rather not


discuss. Mazur and Hubbard (2004) studied adolescent behavior in

just that type of situation. What they found is that teens are

much more likely to respond negatively or avoid such

conversations altogether. The three responses most likely to be

used by teens were deception (44.5 percent of the time),

aggression (19 percent), and terminating the conversation (17.6

percent). The positive response most likely to be used was

discussing the topic, but that response occurred only 17.6% of

the time. The other three positive responses--assertiveness,

reassurance, and listening--occurred 16, 10.9, and 5.9 percent of

the time, respectively. The negative responses may be due to the

adolescents frustration at having his/her privacy invaded, but

the negative response is also incendiary to parent-child

conflict.

Conflict need not be destructive to a relationship, however.

Done correctly, parent-adolescent conflict can engender positive

results (Van Doorn et al, 2008; Dekovic, 1999). First, conflict

requires use of strategies that “promote cooperation, relational

growth, and positive affect, like disclosing and soliciting

disclosure, initiating problem solving, emphasizing


commonalities, accepting responsibility, and showing empathy”

(Comstock, 1994, p. 264); In addition, parent-adolescent

conflict very likely plays a part in preparing teens for the

adult world, where negotiation skills are essential (Hawk et al,

2009). It is also healthier for a relationship if differences

are acknowledged and aired, rather than denied and suppressed

(Hawk et al, 2009; Segrin & Flora, 2005, Dekovic, 1999). In

fact, von der Lippe and Moller (2000) found that identity

development in girls is directly related to the quality of family

conflict resolution. All in all, it is possible for conflict to

actually improve the parent-child relationship.

Destructive outcomes of conflict: disappointment (Miller-

Day & Lee, 2001); use of ineffective strategies, like competition

(power struggle, blaming, demanding compliance) and avoidance

(acquiescence, topic shift, refusal to respond, “red herring”)

(Comstock, 1994). Conflict is also shown to have an effect on

the well-being of both parents and adolescents, resulting in

depression and low self-esteem for the teen, and feelings of

loss, lower value, and ineffectiveness for the parent (Dekovic,

1999; Steinberg, 2001).


(Comstock, 1994, p. 277)“phases of adolescence represent

successive and progressive differences in adolescent development

which alter and eventually improve interaction during day-to-day

parent-adolescent conflict

Father-Daughter Communication and Conflict

The way parents and children communicate affects identity

formation (Grotevant & Cooper, 1985; von der Lippe & Moller,

2000; Van Doorn et al, 2008), so it stands to reason that it is

beneficial for fathers and daughters to employ effective

communication, whether within the context of conflict or not.

Because mothers are more likely to spend time with their

children, they seem to be most responsible for communicating with

them, and therefore endure most of the conflict with adolescent

children (VanDoorn et al, 2009; Shearer et al, 2005). However,

fathers’ relationships with their children have also been shown

to have a significant impact on their children (Punyanunt-Carter,

2006; Small, 1988; Sillars et al, 2005; Hawk et al, 2009; Morman

& Floyd, 2006). The role of fathers in recent decades has

expanded in response to the changing role of mothers, who are

more likely to work outside than home. A modern father is now


expected to be loving and affectionate, involved, and nurturing

as well as maintain his role as disciplinarian (Morman & Floyd,

2010). Despite the change in fathers’ roles in their children’s

lives, they are least likely to be understood by their adolescent

children (Sillars et al, 2005; Sillars et al, 2010).

Unfortunately, research has shown that gender differences between

parents and children become more pronounced during adolescence,

resulting in greater adolescent behavior and emotional problems,

less parental acceptance, and therefore, more conflict between

fathers and daughters (Phares et al, 2008; Sillars et al, 2005).

This is troubling because girls who have dissatisfying

relationships with their fathers are more likely to participate

in dangerous activities and have trouble with other

relationships, such as those with peers and romantic partners

(Punyanunt-Carter, 2008).

Father-daughter communication patterns are somewhat unique

from other parent-child relationships; in fact, the father-

daughter dyad is most likely the most distant of the four sets

(Shearer et al, 2005; Punyanunt-Carter, 2008). Several studies

have confirmed this finding. For example, when asked in a study


by Morman and Floyd (2006) what it meant to be a good father, not

a single one of the 374 fathers mentioned their relationships

with their daughters, but every one of them mentioned their sons.

Fathers are more likely than mothers to make unilateral decisions

(Sorkhabi, 2010) and are more likely than mothers to communicate

disappointment, but they are more likely to do so indirectly,

either through others (i.e., avoid) or by making “little

comments” to daughters (Miller-Day and Lee 2001). Last, fathers

are more likely than mothers to overlook a child’s acceptance of

responsibility (Sillars et al, 2010).Gender differences are also

a factor here. For example, girls more likely to talk to their

mothers when they need help, or may turn to a boyfriend, but

almost never their fathers (Hill, 1993; Comstock, 1994). Nor are

fathers likely to encourage or offer disclosure with daughters

(Comstock, 1994). A daughter who feels secure in her

relationship with her father will, however, communicate with her

father as a means of reducing stress related to undesirable

situations (Punyanunt-Carter, 2007a).

A possible explanation for the lack of communication between

father and daughter is the asymmetrical relationship so typically


found between fathers and daughters (Comstock, 1994; Punyunant-

Carter, 2005). Fathers often communicate parental control

(Punyanunt-Carter, 2005; Hawk et al, 2009); when daughters

perceive fathers’ power, they often try to maintain a positive

relationship by “allowing” them to feel needed (Comstock, 1994,

p. 270). This lack of interaction also means that fathers and

daughters are least likely to understand each other (Sillars et

al, 2005).

(Comstock, 1994): Types of father-daughter conflict change

throughout the stages of adolescence: Early = cooperative,

competitive, and avoidant; middle = avoidant; late = cooperative,

while sons are more likely to avoid conflict with fathers until

late adolescence making father-daughter relationships more

volatile early on ; fathers perceive daughters’ attempt at being

assertive as aggression, which in turn often evokes an angry or

aggressive reaction from the father (Comstock, 1994).

(Miller-Day and Lee, 2001) more likely to express

disappointment in daughter’s sexual activity or romantic

involvement than son’s; Small (1988) found that fathers with

lower self-esteem are less likely to tolerate their children’s


misbehavior and have a greater tendency to respond

inappropriately to the misbehavior.

Unfortunately, Sillars et al (2005) found that

Reduce conflict

Based on Baumrind’s research, authoritative parenting is

most effective, so fathers should strive to communicate with

their daughters in ways consistent with that parenting style,

which means establishing a more symmetrical relationship. In

practice, that means avoiding unilateral decision-making (von der

Lippe & Moller, 2000), being less critical (Miller-Day & Lee, p.

126), and listening carefully to daughters’ input (Segrin &

Flora, 2005). Punyanunt-Carter (2008) found that frequent, open

communication between fathers and daughters leads to more

satisfying relationships.

“Maturity is gained in the context of progressive and mutual

redefinition of the parent-child relationship rather than by the

adolescent simply leaving the relationship; high amounts of

sharing of perspectives and challenges in the context of support”

(Grotevant & Cooper, 1985, p. 425). In other words, the parent-


child relationship must evolve over time, with increasing amounts

of autonomy and responsibility for the child, in order for the

child to experience full, true maturity.

Whether conflict is constructive or destructive is

determined by how the conflict is handled. Van Doorn, Branje,

and Meeus (2008) found a positive relationship between conflict

marked by hostility, anger, or avoidance and adolescent

delinquency. They also reported that demand-withdraw patterns

are related to problem behaviors in adolescents. Instead, there

are several strategies that lead to more positive results. For

example, father should be “cognitively enabling” (von der Lippe &

Moller, 2000). In addition, a father’s willingness to use reason

and explanations during conflict will not only lead to a better

resolution, but may also affect the nature of future conflicts

(Sorkhabi, 2010).


TRENDS AND APPLICATIONS

In this paper I have reported on the current research

related to adolescent identity formation with a special emphasis

on young women’s experiences, described the different types of

parenting styles, and then discussed how those two factors play a

role in parent-adolescent conflict, focusing on father-daughter

communication and conflict specifically. The report concluded

with strategies for maintaining a satisfying relationship between

fathers and their adolescent daughters. The following section

synthesizes the research into three main points: 1) that conflict

between father-daughter dyads is often a natural result of

characteristics of each member of the dyad, 2) that while

challenging, father-daughter conflict need not be destructive,

and 3) that there are practical communication strategies fathers

can use, both in and outside of conflict situations, that will

promote a healthier relationship with his adolescent daughter.

Trends


I. Father-adolescent daughter conflict is often the result of characteristics of both parent and child (Van Doorn et al, 2010).

A. Female adolescent transition/transformation

1. Growing need for independence

2. Changes in social world

3. Modern struggles

B. Father communication/parenting style

1. Quantity and quality of communication

C. Difference in perceptions of parent behavior

II. Father-adolescent daughter conflict is challenging, but it can be also be constructive.

A. Negative effects of conflict

1. On daughters

a) Self-esteem

b) Mental health (Steinberg, 2001

c) Risky behavior

2. On fathers (Steinberg, 2001

a) Stress

b) Self-esteem

3. On the relationship

B. Potential for positive outcomes

1. For daughters

a) Adolescent adjustment


b) Conflict resolution experience

2. For fathers

3. For the relationship; “less destruction when parents’ behavior reflects the willingness to accept a symmetrical role relationship” (Comstock, 1994, p. 267);

Third, another trend that emerged in this research is that

father-adolescent daughter relationships can become more

satisfying through improved communication. In order to support a

young woman’s identity development, it is essential for her to

have a relationship with her father that is appropriate for her

developmental stage. Fathers should not perceive the more

symmetrical relationship as a relinquishment of authority. In

fact, although a father should encourage a daughter’s questioning

or input on directives and rules, he should allow her the freedom

to choose the option that leads to consequences, and then fairly

enforce the consequences. It is also important for fathers and

daughters to communicate more often, for pleasurable reasons and

to increase mutual understanding.

No amount of communication will entirely prevent conflict,

but because it can be constructive, fathers should embrace it as

the opportunity it is. Once an atmosphere of warmth and trust is


established, then productive, effective conflict resolution can

occur. Because both fathers and daughters contribute to

initiation conflict, both must be willing to seek a resolution.

As the adult in the relationship, fathers should serve as a role

model to their daughters.

C. Decrease withdrawal

D. Strive for effective conflict resolution

1. Argument, not verbal aggression

2. Understanding and reasoning

Application

Community Ed workshop: "Beyond 'Because I Said So': Fathering Your Daughter in the 21st Century"

Offer to girls in grades 5-9 and their fathers / male guardians

I. Session 1

A. Fathers: Adolescent Girl Identity Formation

1. Movie: Scenes from Thirteen?? Video: What a Girl Wants??? <http://www.mediaed.org/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?key=214&preadd=action> Short video: “Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls??? <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrRtJY28ps8> Movie: Mean Girls????)

2. Discussion (Focus: understand identity formation and the struggles associated with it)

B. Daughters: ?Fathers Communication Style? Or help them to understand their own identity formation

http://www.mediaed.org/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?key=214&preadd=action

http://www.mediaed.org/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?key=214&preadd=action

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrRtJY28ps8


II. Session 2: Father-Daughter Conflict (Together: Application ofSession 1)

III. Session 3 (Role Playing)

A. Fathers: Strategies during conflict (Emotion coaching, Segrin & Flora, p. 173)

B. Daughters: Strategies during conflict

IV. Session 4: Conflict Resolution (Together: Application of Session 3)

V. Session 5: Father-Daughter Activity

A. Cooperation to complete a task/project (Plan an event, something to do together)

B. Celebration


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