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Does The Conventional Wisdom Of Socialization Support Self-

Knowledge?

Reflective Paper

Cheryl Eskra

PLA: Youth/Adult Advocacy and Coaching

Dr. Mary Kirk

December 8, 2014

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Globally the designation of minority belongs to people

that have little influence on the few who hold positions of power

within their society. Minorities are the biggest target of

societal manipulations that for many create the experience of

disenfranchisement. Although some believe that disenfranchisement

is manipulated by design in order to control people, having a

disenfranchised population does nothing to serve the whole of

humanity, economically or politically. The history of nations is

filled with stories of adverse manipulations by those in control

of influencing societies. Adolf Hitler’s Nazi Germany is but one

example of this. Reducing manipulated socialization and

disenfranchised populations is highly possible and likely when

people are taught the importance of self-knowing and how it

serves the self-resilience, reliance, esteem, acceptance, trust

and responsibility necessary to navigate a life giving existence.

I believe this is a critically important teaching for the youth

of today who will influence the next generations to come. I will

reflect on this conclusion based on my experience, observation of

others experience and how it is backed up by research.

Examine Three Sociological and Psychological Theories.

In reflecting on the book The Power of Partnership by Riane

Eisler, I am encouraged by her examination of social

psychological and sociological theories at play in the world

today. She not only envisions a transformation from what is, but

outlines steps we can take now to improve the state of the world.

Eisler looks at our world’s past in relationship to these

theories and their influence on where we are in a variety of

areas that make up life. Eisler defines and uses the constructs

of two different models to describe the world we have become in

contrast to the world we might hope to be. These two models are

the partnership model and the domination

model (Eisler, 2002). The partnership model represents a

functionalist perspective where there

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exists agreed upon goals that can be achieved harmoniously and

interdependently to the benefit of the whole. The domination

model represents the conflict theory perspective of society. It

highlights the difference in society’s population through a

hierarchy as well as the entitlements due in accordance to that

hierarchy. The domination model establishes that those in the

upper class are entitled to more than those in the working class.

Eisler suggests that moving from a domination model to a

partnership model would require a reframing of our current

symbolic interaction.

One of the areas Eisler would like to see reframed is how

we as a society view care-givers. Although I think most of us

hold a symbol of care-givers as a valuable and warming support,

Eisler’s would like their work to be measured in legitimate value

and monetarily compensated for that value. The social exchange

for care-givers across the board is sorely lacking and in

Eisler’s opinion it has to do with how societies link caregiving

roles to women. Eisler’s partnership model calls for a fair and

balanced social exchange where the attribution and drive theories

are not manipulated by the influence of government, law and those

in power. Because many will not measure up to the domination

model in instincts, means, or motivation a large part of the

population settles into a cognitive dissidence. The gap between

what has been taught they should be and what they are it to wide.

Cognitive dissidence creates a vulnerable population which may,

in fact, be the desired schemata of those in power in a

domination model. The partnership model, Eisler offers, eases the

cognitive dissidence by eliminating much of the contradictions

found in a domination model of society.

In framing and naming Eisler’s two models, several

sociological and social psychological

theories are lumped into two distinct viewpoints that can be

used to effectively recognize where

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we are as a society and where we can more creatively take it.

Eisler’s identifies areas that would be beneficial to investigate

as “seven key relationships that make up our lives” (Eisler,

2002, p. xiv). The seven key relationships consist of “our

relationship with ourselves, our intimate relationships, our

workplace / community relations, our relationship with national

community, international / multicultural relationships, our

relationship with nature / living environment and our spiritual

relations” (Eisler, 2002, p. xiv). Examining the dominator model

in each relationship reveals a variety of dysfunction that occurs

when some lord power over other

(Eisler, 2002, p. xv). A look at the partnership model affirms

the possibility of a foundation of trust, respect and

interdependence that supports openness and growth in all seven

relationships. The partnership model is free from the prevalent

discrimination, authoritarian and controlling characteristic of

the dominator model (Eisler, 2002, p. xv).

Examine the concept of human development and its relationship to

economic growth.

I agree with Eisler that our economy currently fits the

dominator model of top down economic control with the dressed up

name of free market (Eisler, 2002). This model does little to

enhance human development (Eisler, 2002). The dominator model of

economics encourages social service cut backs, cheap labor and

discrimination that undervalues health, the environment, social

services, women, children, race and culture (Eisler, 2002). In

short dominator economics serves the affluent white male while

pretending to serve all. Eisler states that, “we have an

economic systems based on the notion that one half of humanity

was put on earth to serve the other half” (Eisler, 2002, p.143-

145). Women, race and ethnicity are the subjected in this

regards, according to Eisler (Eisler, 2002). R. R. Reno reviews

a book that speaks to the effects of the dominator model in

relationship to economics between the new elite

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and the roles of the “dysfunctional working class” or poor as

described in Coming Apart: The State of White America, 1960-2010, by Charles

Murray. According to Reno, this book is a fiction based on very

real life sociological statistics and observation (Reno, 2012).

Murray describes the working poor as disregarding morality

in their life (Reno, 2012). This disregard is witnessed by their

high percentage of unmarried, uneducated, divorced, single

parent, illegitimate children, crime and incarceration (Reno,

2012). At the same time, the new elite remain at a low percentage

in all of the same areas. Yet, the new elite take a politically

correct stance of not judging the lack of community and morality

of the working class poor (Reno, 2012). The reason for the non-

judgment is that their lifestyles creates a natural distance and

because the apathy of the working class creates an advantage for

the new elite to control and impose their self-interest (Reno,

2012). The conclusion being that it is not just a manipulated

lack in income affecting the working poor but as much a lack of

warmth, passion and engagement in their community and their lives

(Reno, 2012).

Identify and analyze the institutional, political, and socio-

economic barriers that affect people who are disenfranchised

(youth, women, people of color, disadvantaged persons,

immigrants, elderly, veterans, and those who have committed

crimes) and have limited access to health care, education and

training, employment and housing, and need a voice to advocate

social justice.

Both Eisler’s assessment of a dominator based economic

system and Murray’s assessment of the dysfunctional working class

explain why the majority of the population is stuck on the lower

level needs of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs pyramid (Myers, 2007).

According to Maslow,

humans are not motivated to develop in competence or any higher

level need when they are

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needs of hunger, thirst and safety (Myers, 2007). Since the USA

and most other countries employ a dominator model of economics

and general governing as defined by Eisler and Murray, many are

disenfranchised. Disenfranchised are in need of advocacy to hear

their voice, voice their claims and empower their current

existence. “The U.S. Census Bureau reports that 45.3 million

(over half women at 23.9 million) people lived at or below the

poverty line in 2013 with 42.0 million without health insurance”

(DeNavas-Walt & Proctor, 2014). This creates a large population

of disempowered human beings.

An example of putting Eisler’s partnership model into

practice would be an investment in citizen’s education rather

than allocating larger and larger amounts for corrections, jails

and prisons. The study Lochner, Moretti, Enrico and Lance

conducted using FBI data and Census concluded that “the activity

of schooling and resulting education aids greatly in the

reduction of criminal acting out yet, the United States continues

to increase the funding of its prison system while decreasing the

budget for educating its citizens” (Lochner & Moretti, 2004). The

Center on Budget and Policy Priorities reports that although

“crime rates have continued to fall since the 1970’s

incarceration has tripled in 36 states and six times that in four

other; which, comes off as extravagant spending for a

questionable end” (Mitchell & Leachman, 2014). Much of the onus

on this can be contributed to the failed “War on Drugs” campaign

which has made low level offenders criminals, for life. “The

Global Commission on Drug Policy announced that the “war on

drugs” was a global failure” in June of 2011 with a call for

changes in policies of incarceration for those using or selling

drugs (Amèrica-Simms, 2011 . The change in policies should

consider human rights, safety, health and science (Amèrica-Simms,

2011). Yet, we see

from The Justice Policy Institute (2014) report that the number

of people incarcerated in the US

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continues to climb.

With nearly 2.4 million people incarcerated, the United

States is home to the world’s highest incarceration rate. In

total, 7 million people are under some form of correctional

supervision, and a disproportionate number of these are

people of color. With many policies driven by a desire to

punish rather than knowledge of what improves community

safety, politics and profit playing an increasing role, the

criminal justice system costs too much, doesn’t work, and isn’t

fair (Criminal Justice Adult section, para.1).

The Bureau of Justice Statistics offers an estimated total of

1.5 million in 2013 but that is only in federal and state prisons

(Carson, Ph.D.,2014).

Unfortunately rather than a partnership alternative to the

current strategy even more punitive components have been added to

the existing penal structure in the form of monetary sanctions of

fines, court costs, jail room and board, and more. Release from

jail or prison is unlikely if a balance to these sanctions

exists. “The trauma of incarceration can create an entire life of

disadvantage mentally, economically and physically with the

stigma creating or adding to inequality for the incarcerated and

their family” (Beckett, Evans, & Harris, 2011). Alexes Harris is

the author of A Pound of Flesh: Monetary Sanctions as a Permanent Punishment for

Poor People that will be out in early 2015. Harris looks to give

more voice to the personal and communal destructiveness that

perpetuates throughout life under these conditions that include

the fact that few hire or rent to felons. As Maslow’s hierarchy

of needs maps out, without these two basic needs taken care of

all other concerns (health, dental, vision, medication,

transportation), will be a struggle.

Peter Eigen gained firsthand knowledge of the approaches

used to undermine the wellbeing of

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mass populations for the financial gains of a few through

systematic corruptions by governments in his position as the

director of the World Bank (Eigen, 2010). “ This global

systematic corruption through partnerships of government and big

business aids in the destruction of environment, exploitation of

women and children, climate change and the world wide economy at

large” (Eigen, 2010). It is with this knowledge that Peter Eigen

created Transparency International as an “escape route from this

prisoner’s dilemma” (Eigen, 2010). The goal of Transparency

International is to express to government and big business or

corporations that they will be held accountable and exposed for

setting up financial gains through transactions that harm people,

environments and economies (Eigen, 2010). The commitment of

corporations, governments and countries to maintain social

responsibility in their operation through Transparency

International is few but growing (Eigen, 2010). Eigen contents

that when governments are paying out money to corporations on

bogus or damaging transactions, “it becomes the siphoning off of

the scarce resources of the economy from much more important

activities like schools, hospitals and so on” (Eigen, 2010).

Transparency International’s assessment that it is the corruption

between governments and corporations that are at the crux of

disenfranchised globally is blatantly ignored by too many that

know it to be true and could make a difference.

Examine societal norms of gender, race, class, sexuality, and

social inequalities and the

intercepts of social, political, and cultural histories related

to feminism.

It is the 1950’s that comes to mind, for me, that provide a

snapshot of the desired standardized social, political and

cultural norms. Everyone seemed to know their role and place

in life and played it out the way history had conditioned them

to play it. History prior to the

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1950’s provided the lineage of all that securely set up the

manifestation of norms that the 1950’s exemplified (Evans, 1989).

The first wave of feminism saw a rich coming together of women

reformers and activists in the nineteenth and early twentieth

century to create change in the political power of black people

and women. However, after the Nineteenth Amendment was added to

the US Constitution in 1920, which recognized women as citizens

with the right to vote, the community of females disbanded rather

quickly (Evans, 1989). Women seemed to settle into the life of

domesticity they were trained for while focusing more subtly on

reforms of women’s mental, sexual and reproductive health as well

as equal rights in economics, marriage, parenting and property

(Evans, 1989). Women took the lead in creating reforms that fit

within their designated role and in the category of domestic

nurturance (Evans, 1989). These changes which we continue to

benefit from today include child labor law reforms, working

condition reforms, working hours reforms and more. All of the

revisions women worked on led to the development of the social

services department we have today (Evans, 1989). These women

reformers fit the definition of activist and feminist in that

they advocated equal rights for women and other

minorities and set out to change the status quo of the current

social stratification (Evans, 1989).

Some of this was done amid the fanfare of the suffrage movement

and much of it was done after the addition of the 19th Amendment

without all the fanfare (Evans, 1989).

A role model of a feminist, activist, reformer and one of

my favorites of the 19th century was a lecturer and authors named

Charlotte Perkins Gilman. Among Gilman’s writings are Women and

Economics and The Yellow Wallpaper, non-fictional short stories that

pertained to women (Evans, 1989). The Yellow Wallpaper is a powerful

descriptive of mental illness and is

said to be, in part, about her own experience with postpartum

depression (Evans, 1989). Gilman

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was way ahead of her time in her ability to reframe her life

experience in benefic ways for herself and others.

So what happened to make the late 40’s and 1950’s such a

politically desired model of social norms? For the most part it

was the fear of Communism and consumerism that created a great

deal of cognitive dissonance during this time (Rosen, 2006). The

fact was that many people were raised during the depression and

use to the status quo of working hard and just getting by (Rosen,

2006). Folks from the depression era were used to dealing with

looming threats, so the Communism scare was not all that

confusing (Rosen, 2006). Consumerism, abundance and all the free

up time, thanks to appliances, was something most never had

experience and did not really know how to handle (Rosen, 2006).

The media portrayed this as a deliciously wondrous development

and the majority of people followed suit and acted the part the

media portrayed. This portrayal was based in part on the history

of gender roles and social norms and in part on media

advertisings hype. Advertisers were happy to capitalize on the

consumerism frenzy of the time (Rosen, 2006). The faux, happy,

bubble started losing air after the release of The Feminine Mystique

by Betty Friedan (Rosen,2006). This book opened up a discussion

about the real

confusion taking place. With open discussion women realized they

were not alone in their discontent and disconnect with the roles

that societal norms expected of them (Rosen, 2006).

Welcome to the 1960’s, to change, and the second wave of

feminism. The 1960’s was the exhale to the 1950’s inhale and

hold. The norm after the 1960’s and early 70’s denotes a backlash

to all the exhaling, especially for women and people of color.

The word “Feminist” became a dirty word and other words and

phrases were added to shame women for thinking

Women and minorities made great strides toward equal rights

during the 1960’s early 70’s

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revolution. Reforms were made and laws were changed. There was

and continues to this day to be a population of people that are

not happy about the changes made then, and the progression since

then. This community challenges rights to equality on a regular

basis with the use of many tactics and in all venues possible on

every level of subject matter. All minorities are called upon to

maintain a somewhat constant high alert and preparedness to keep

the progress going and not lose ground. Globalization has added

to the realization that changes and reform are far from over.

Astronomer, Vere Rubin is quoted as saying “Thirty years ago we

thought the battle would be over soon, but equality is as elusive

as dark matter” (Rosen, 2006, p. 376).

Discuss factors that influence an individual’s self-identity and

re-framing process (such as experiences/observations,

functionality, attitudes, and behaviors, cultural/environmental

adaptation, resiliency/versatility, and seeking help and

support). Apply your experiences as they relate to these factors

and evaluate results.

My own understanding of self-identity is that it has passed

through several phases. Like most people I know, I learned who I

thought I should be from the socialization I received from my

parents, teachers, siblings, piers and authority in the

environment I was in with respect to each. My earliest

identity was that of being shy. I noticed that others took on the

character traits expected of them but I didn’t feel confident

about pulling that off. I felt safer holding back, so that’s

what I did for my first twelve years. Since I was going to

seventh grade and a new school, I made the decision to practice

my social skills and become more outgoing. I did this for the

next 35 years. Although I became skilled at it in some regards, I

could really tripped up because I was nowhere near the extrovert

I was trying to be and thought I was expected to be. I was also

nowhere near the person I was trained to be, to meet the

expectations of society. I was far greater

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and stronger. Much of the angst I experienced in life was due

to the vast discrepancy between the two.

I was 52 before I discovered the real difference between

the character traits of introvert and extrovert. I most often fit

the distinction of introvert and now know that this does not mean

shy. It does denote a tendency to get drained of energy by being

around a lot of people and activity while extroverts gain energy,

in the same situation. Knowing this distinction validated my need

for spending large amounts of time alone. This distinction put an

end to feeling a need to defend myself from accusations of being

anti-social and freed me to be me with even more confidence. At

around age 45 before knowing this distinction I started taking

time to be alone because not taking it had been tripping me up

for years. Between age 45 and now at 56 my current age, I have

developed a more authentic self-identity that was perhaps always

there but I just didn’t feel free to wear. It was during this

time that I used re-framing on every subject at every level to

discover who I am and who I wanted to be.

I had spent most of my life trying to gain a sense of self-

identity through societal norms, religion, spirituality,

psychology, sociology, and finally through reckless abandon.

Then a book showed up in my life. It was a free book I got for

joining Oprah’s book club, Ask and It is Given. Yes, it was a real

“"A-ha" moment! The book spoke to me and, without a shadow of a

doubt, informed me that it was indeed my life and that I could

make choices within it that were life giving for me. I would

however need to honor my preferences and live by them through

intention rather than default (Hicks & Hicks, 2004). I wasn’t at

all clear on what my preferences were! Unlike all the other

avenues I had explored to gain a sense of self-identity this one

was telling me that the way to this insight was through

selfishness (Hicks & Hicks, 2004).

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Talk about re-framing! Everyone knows how wrong, atrocious

and unacceptable selfishness is. This book explained to me that

to live a life giving life, the first consideration had to be

myself (Hicks & Hicks, 2004). I have been living selfishly since

to everyone’s benefit. All I have gained from this book was

truly a new and welcomed concept for me. I began the journey of

getting to know myself by going over all my preferences and

getting clear on what were mine and what I was taught should be

mine. I became able to make life giving choices based on my,

sincere, preferences without apology. I was finally becoming

confident about knowing and being authentically me. Living as a

fraud, by default rather than in intentional self-awareness,

creates a fear of being found out, limits the ability to achieve

pure self-knowing and squashes the confidence inherent in that

knowing.

Living without honest self-knowing can be dangerous and add

trauma after trauma to one’s life experience. I observed this in

my life and in the lives of the women I oversaw at two sober

living homes I managed for four years. One home had twelve beds,

the other sixteen. I saw to it that assigned tasked were

accomplished, house expectation were met and prospective clients

were interviewed. I tested clients if suspected of drug or

alcohol use, arranged their departure from the house if they, and

moderating a weekly check in meeting. For me, the most important

role I took on was encouraging self-trust, self-respect,

assertiveness, resilience, self-reliance, self-esteem, self-

acceptance, self-adoration, self-responsibility and self-

preference. These women and girls were like anyone else except

for their profound ruminating concerns about taking the next step

in life and having no faith in their ability to do so. During the

four years I managed the sober houses I observed the comings and

goings of approximately 200 women and none had a close proximity

to a sense of real self-identity. All were filled with a shame of

not being able to

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live up to the expectations others had for them. All felt

traumatized and reframing their experience would take a lot of

time.

Most of the women fit two age groups. One age group was

between17 to 23 and was a group floundering right out of high

school. This group was, for the most part, signed into the sober

houses by parents for flunking out of their first years of

college. Very few had criminal histories. The second age group

was between 40 to 60 in one stage of menopause or another,

divorced or considering divorce, most with older children. I see

biology and age as fitting into the category of environmental

change in relation to how it can have an effect on wellbeing.

This group signed into the sober house under the duress of family

or the courts. Almost half of this group had criminal records of

one or more DUI’s. The time spent in abstinence from

alcohol/drugs was very beneficial in focusing on who they were

and wanted to be in their next steps of life. Gaining this

insight created more self-confidence and the ability to re-frame

many experiences and look for help in areas they felt stuck. The

communal atmosphere provided affirming support from piers with

similar experiences. I think most all learned the value of

slowing their lives and thought processes down to practice and

develop the idea of acting rather than reacting to their personal

life experience.

My best friend since junior high school decided that the

best path for her future was marriage and traveled to California,

after graduation, with her boyfriend. They did not pan out so she

moved and settled in Arizona and at age 26. She met a man with an

upstanding background who worked as a United Postal Worker and

fell in love. By the time she was 28 she was incarcerated with a

life sentence for killing him. In between the time she met him

she became incarcerated she had been beaten several times and

held captive. She ended up killing him with the gun he

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had pointed at her repeatedly. The local police department has

several documented 911

emergency calls from Susan accounting the abuse. He was never

arrested and she was never informed of any abuse advocacy because

in 1988, there wasn't any.

Teri Hatcher, an actress, spoke at the United Nations event

honoring the International Day for the Elimination of Violence

Against Women. Hatcher was a survivor of sexual abuse occurring

at ages seven, eight and nine. She is quoted as saying “I am one

of three women who for the rest of her life battles the voice in

her head that accepts blame for abuse, a voice that is

antithetical to self-esteem, self-worth and happiness” (Kessler,

2014). I have no doubt from my experience that if one in three

women has experience violence then there are one in three who

suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder at one level or

another. I have no doubt that the 200 women I met through the

sober houses, including myself, suffer from a level of post-

traumatic stress disorder. I have no doubt that to the measure

we know and love ourselves is the equal measure of what we do or

do not feel entitled to or deserving of. When any human being has

a lack of clarity or sense as to their self-worth, self-knowing,

self-identity they live a life that equals this lack in terms of

how their lives compensates them. A positive self-identity is

crucial to a life well lived. A positive self-identity is the

backbone of acting on and with life in a resilient, functional,

responsible way. For anyone suffering one or many post

traumatic experiences or simply has a trained negative self-

identity, re-framing is a must to regain a functional life

experience.

In addressing the idea of seeking help and support I have

found that for myself and others mentioned above that, although

assistance and support are valuable, from the time it is sought

to the time it arrives self-trust, self-love, self-resilience and

self-knowing is further damaged. It is near impossible for those

living in fear to ask for help as they are fearful and not all

that excited

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about exposing it. In addition to that, those coming from a place

of fear are not in the best place to seek out the help that would

best guide them to some sort of resolve. Ultimately it is a form

of adverse intervention that causes further trauma that leads to

the help that many need if they get it at all. This adds to the

amount of reframing one will need to do to gain the solid footing

necessary to move forward. This is why I advocate prevention

through self-knowing.

Analyze the impact of social change to our society’s structure

due to the influence of a rapidly changing and globally diverse

population. Identify the changing attitudes and actions that

will contribute to creating opportunities for youth, women,

people of color, disadvantaged persons, immigrants, the elderly,

veterans, and those who have committed crimes to reach their

potential and contribute to the wellbeing of community and

society.

Most all institutions put a spot light on advocating

diversity and equal rights and that creates a social awareness

that was lacking at one time. I think this change is, in large,

due to the influence of a rapidly changing and globally diverse

population. There is also legislation in respect to diversity and

equal rights. However, most nations and institutions are in their

infancy when it comes to acting on legislation when diversity and

equal rights are violated. Some nation respect neither without

apology. In light of my observation in the world of current

affairs there is still much to be done to shore up respect for

diversity and equal rights. Eisler offers a sampling list of

opportunity creating organizations and publication under the

headings of women, men, children, politics, environment,

spiritual, education and more. These support the model of a

partnership that can be referenced on pages 225 to 255 of her

book The Power of Partnership . Although no twelve-step program made

this list, Eisler does point them out as the “best example of

self-help” on page 17 (Eisler, 2002). I feel sure that with more

inquiry she would have

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discovered that the twelve steps fit a domination model approach.

The first three steps of any twelve-steps program speak to

admitting powerlessness, the need for a higher power and turning

ones will and life over to that higher power (Yahoo, The twelve

steps of alcoholics anonymous). Unfortunately, it is the twelve-

step approach that most penal systems require convicts to

attendance over the more partnership model approach like SMART

Recovery or Women For Sobriety that advocate a tuning into our

personal power and self-responsibility.

I would add to Eisler’s lists a number of leaders in the

field of coaching, advocacy, and mentoring. They are all authors

as well. This list includes; Esther Hicks, Mary Morrisy, Louise

Hey, Dr. Wayne Dryer, Marc Lewis, Dr. Gabor Mate, Charlotte

Perkins Gilman, Susan Cain, Mara Leigh Taylor, Viktor Frankl,

Barbara Colorosa and so many more that encourage and influence a

reframing of status-quo thinking. I think it is these authors and

others of like mind that are the back bone contributors to

societal change for the wellbeing of individuals, communities and

societies. An example of this influence and the partnership model

can be seen in a written interview I did with Kierstin SmithReed.

Kierstin Smith Reed, is the Agency Director for RHD

Nebraska, a non-profit organization which is part of Resources

for Human Development, Inc. Kierstin’s interview is important to

me because I am interested in knowing how to work within the

established social structures while maintaining the integrity of

my goal as an advocate to individual and community wellbeing. Her

role of working with the state of Nebraska and a private non-

profit organization give me a great deal of hope of that being

accomplished. Kierstin offers thinking, final thoughts and

actions that mirror Eisler’s partnership model. My questions to

Kierstin are in a bold text and her response is in a plain text.

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* What is your role as a coach/leader?  My current role is

the Director of RHD Nebraska.  RHD Nebraska is a non-

profit organization, part of Resources for Human Development,

Inc.  RHD Nebraska provides support services to individuals with

developmental disabilities and significant mental health

diagnosis.  I oversee all Nebraska operations both in

Lincoln and Omaha.  I view my role as being a leader for the

agency by supporting the administrative team of 15

administrators, a management team of 25 and all 300 of our

direct support employees.  In my position I must also fill a

leadership role for Nebraska with our corporate office in

Philadelphia PA.  I also serve in a leadership role in the

field of developmental disabilities in the state of Nebraska.  

* What led you to your current occupation? I began in school

for human service work in 1996 and was introduced to the

developmental disability population during a practicum

experience as an advocate for families of individuals with

disabilities.  I developed a passion for the field and the

population. I began working at an agency providing service

to individuals with disabilities. I continued in school and

received my bachelor’s degree and master’s degrees and

became the director of that agency. I feel that there was a

defining moment that led me to my current position.  In

2007, the state of Nebraska

experienced a crisis at the only state institution that

supported people with disabilities. The institution came

under investigation and 47 people were removed overnight. All

those individuals were moved to local hospitals and were in

need of placement in the community.  This presented an

opportunity to “think outside the box” and develop services

to meet the needs of these individuals. I took this opportunity

to develop new relationships and develop forms of

services for individuals and for the state. When a

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Knowledge 19

new agency was recruited to begin services in Nebraska I was

recruited to be the director because of the leadership I had

shown in services in Nebraska I was recruited to be the

director because of the leadership I had shown in developing

these services.

* What inspired you to your current occupation? I have

always believed that all people have value and that all

people should be able to have a good quality of life that they

define for themselves.  At RHD we want to support the people that

do not have many options to get the support they need.  We

tend to support the people that no other agencies will

support, or can’t figure out how to support.  That is what

inspires me! I love a challenge!  When other people say “no

we can’t” we are the people that say “how could we do that?”  

* What percentage of your coaching / leadership experience

is driven by money and what percentage is driven by

inspiration?  Money is good but happiness is better!  I am happy

that my job affords me the ability to take care of my family and

provide for them.

No one goes into human services for the money!  I think if

that were the case I would

have used my leadership and coaching experience in the

corporate world.  I am driven

by seeing other people be successful, including our

clients.  

* Whose leadership/coaching skill do you most admire? I had

a former supervisor that had a great philosophy on

leadership that I greatly admired.  She was never a supervisor,

instead she saw herself as a mentor, support leader, etc. 

She was the person that taught me how to supervise. I believe

the leaders at RHD share that philosophy.  No one ever does

anything in isolation and every opinion counts.  A leader is

willing to get in and do

Self-

Knowledge 20

the hard work, not simply telling people what to do.

  * Do you model your leadership/coaching skills after

this /these person/people? I

really like the mentoring model of supervision.  Sitting

down and meeting with people on a regular basis, not to tell

them what to do or gain information but to look at their

perspective and gather their opinions. Giving them guidance

and support in their efforts.

* Do you have a philosophy on coaching / leadership that

drives you?  Mentoring people is very important but seeking

input on every issue is important no matter how small it may

seem.  

* What type of team or group gains the benefit of your

coaching / leadership?  We have a large team!  There are 15

administrators, 25 managers and 300 direct support staff

Although I can’t name every staff by name I would say I know

the majority of them. We all have to work together to solve

all kinds of issues.  I meet regularly with all the

administrator and managers. I also meet monthly with a group

of direct support staff that work as representatives of their

peers to talk about things that are on their minds.   *

What is it that you think you do to draw people in and hold their

attention initially

and beyond to provide your service and reach your goals? 

First, I trust people 100%!

You don’t have to earn trust you should start with it. I

also believe in giving credit where credit is due! Never

take credit for things someone else did. I try to give people a

lot of

positive feedback and handle problems as they occur instead

of holding onto a bunch of negative thought.

* What is your end goal as a leader/coach?  Does it ever

end? I want to leave a legacy.  I want other people to say that

I inspired them to be who they are.  I want to

Self-

Knowledge 21

know that the work I did made a difference in the lives of

other people.

* How do you handle the pressure of asserted ideas by the

established hierarchy when they differ from your own?  Lucky

for me, I work for an organization that has a strong value

base.  They value decentralization of authority. They actually

have handed out buttons that say “challenge authority!” if you

can believe it!  I have had to catch myself in my daily work

when I wanted to simply make a decision without all the fuss

and stop and think about how that would be received or who

may object to the decision.  

* As a leader / coach do you feel your team responds more

efficiently to coercion or credibility in meeting your goals

and why? Credibility is the best!  I want people to respect me

as a leader because they value what I bring to the table not

because they feel threatened by me.  

* Are you a player’s leader /coach or a business leader /

coach?  I am a business leader in that I take my job

seriously and because the sponsor of the program that created

the non-profit business I leads is in alignment with my

beliefs and philosophy needed to

meet the initial goal.

* What makes a good leader/ coach?  A good leader leads by

example and will be hands on or at least never ask you to do

something they would not do themselves.  A good leader supports

you in good times and in bad.  A good leader offers praise and

credit for a job well done.

  * What is your proudest moment as a leader/ coach and

why?  My proudest moment was when our agency took in our

first person to support.  No one thought we could do it

Self-

Knowledge 22

because he was highly behavioral and coming out of the state

institution. I kept reassuring them it was possible and we

just needed to take it one day at time. There were several

people against us and made it difficult in the beginning. A lot

of people pulled together and would not shy away from a

challenge.  We worked together to make the situation work

because everyone was willing to do anything it took to give

him a better life. In the end, that teamwork that was created

helped to make the situation successful for that person and

many more.  The leadership the team developed became trusted by

the funders in the state and other state officials.  We are now

the agency they come to when they have challenging individuals

that no one else will take.  We know that every day is not

going to be perfect.  We have learned to measure success

differently for each person we support.  I am proud to say that

almost 4 years later that young man is still with us and has

made so many positive changes in his life!  

* How does one achieve the honor of Social Service Person of

the Year Award?  That was pretty cool too! I was named the

2012 Social Worker of the Year for Nebraska by the National

Association of Social Workers. A colleague nominated me for the

award based

on the work I had done with RHD Nebraska. She respected the

work I had done with the

agency to support people and for taking on the hard work to

get the job done.  

The above reporting validates my experiences, observations

and confirms for me the importance and delight of self-

discovery. None of us every will or should be a simple or

complicated version of socialization. We are all so much

more and I advocate knowing what that more is and honoring

it. History has much to say about the strength and contribution

of all populations that make up the minority. Victor

Frankel, author of Man’s Search for Meaning

Self-

Knowledge 23

and holocaust survivor, is a great example of how knowing and

honoring one’s self is life giving. Frankel, survived his

concentration camp experience by holding fast to the knowledge of

his personal worth and significance in and of life (Frankl 2006).

Socialization has a place in setting standards and boundaries

that the majority can understand and respect as being a benefit

for the good of the whole but it should not and does not define

who we are. This Goethe quote states succinctly what I feel is

the responsibility of each of us to ourselves one way or another.

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive

element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It

is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous

power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of

torture or an instrument of inspiration; I can humiliate or

humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that

decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a

person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they

are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be,

we help them become what they are capable of becoming" (Goethe).

When I realized the power it took for me to create a whole lot of

misery in my life I came to know I had a lot of power, power to

create a whole lot of good. Self-knowing is self-responsibility

and freedom.

Self-

Knowledge 24

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