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PAID l!IVUTISEMENT

Save the Big Island Fair Elections Act! Senators Taniguchi, Takamine, Gabbard, Nishihara, Bunda, Slom, and all members of the State House and Senate: We are counting on you to STOP House Bill 345 and protect small businesses and taxpayers!

At a time when people are more aware than ever about the negative impacts of special .fi. interest money on politics, we're shocked that the House Judiciary Committee and House Floor passed HB 345 to delay the Big Island Fair Elections program. Now, we need you, the SenateJGO commit­tee, to stop this ill-conceived bill. We're counting on you to send a message to the House of Representa­tives that Fair Elections should stay.

We only need to look at all of the examples of corruption that are running rampant across the - country to see that the "pay-to-play" system does not represent the people. Instead, it helps the well­

connected and wealthy elite, and Hawaii already has a history of people with access to money taking advantage of those who don't.

No other campaign finance reform has been as successful as Clean Elections. This program will help build trust between government and the taxpayers and small businesses that lose out when Big Money runs the show. Now, more than ever. we need to implement programs that will perpetuate the political system in ways that are pono. Please stop HB 345!

Voter Owned Hawaii; League of Women Voters; Americans for Derrwcratic Action, HI; Sustain Hawaii; Life Of The Land; Kokua Council

Letters Pritchett HONOLULU

Weekly Vol. /9, No. 11

March /8-24, 2009

Our Mission: To create a high-quality,

profitable weekly O'ahu newspaper that provides its readers with independent,

entertaining, provocative coverage examining local issues, arts and events in a

visually striking format.

Publisher Laurie V. Carlson Editor Ragnar Carlson Managing Editor Adrienne LaFrance Arts & Entertainment Editor Dean Carrico Calendar Editor Margot Seeto Film Critic Bob Green Editorial lntems Nicholas Crump, Lauraly Wade Contributing Writers Nina Buck, Joan Conrow, Becky Maltby, Manhew Martin, Marcia Morse, Shawn Livingston Moseley, Ryan Senaga, Steve Wagenseller, Kevin Whitton, Kalani Wilhelm, Jamie Winpenny Diredor of New Media & Production Joe Edmon Produdion Manager Manny Pangilinan Production Assistant Darby Murphy Production Intern Katherine Peth Contributing Photographers Malia Leinau, Justin Leong Cartoonists & Illustrators Max Cannon, Lloyd Dangle, John Pritchett, Slug Signorino, Tom Tomorrow

Sales & Marketing Manager Laurie V. Carlson Senior Account Executive Colleen Knudsen Account Executives Ilma Anikow, Krista Maes Classifieds Coordinator IlmaAnikow Classifieds Account EHcutives Nick Baca. Lance Motogawa, Laura Quintal Distribution Manager Kate Paine Bookkeepers Pamela Farris, Bob Brooks Publisher's Assistant Avery Keatley

Cover: Thomas V. Lum Ho, Hilo, 1946. Photo by Signal Corps, courtesy of Bishop Museum.

ISSN #1057-414X Entire contcnts C 2009 by Honolulu Weekly Inc. All rights reserved Manuscripts should be accompanied by a selfoddrwed stamped tnveWpt: Honolulu Weekly assumes no re· sponsibility/or unsolicited material. Honolulu WeekJy is available fru of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased at our office. No person may, witholll permission of HonoluJu Weekly, rake more tha11 one copy of each Honolulu Weekly issue.

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INDEPENDENT, LOCALLY OWNED

Do the write thing "Coming Home" (3/4) is the best print story that I've seen yet on the economic, psychological and cultural effects of the denial of civil union benefits on gay and lesbian couples in Hawai'i. Linda Krieger and Kathleen Sands took the brave step of coming out in a culture where many are held back by shame or fear of losing family connections. While some say the movement is all haole, I point with pride to Native Hawaiian activists for civil unions like Brad Ka'iwi Lum, organizer of the Candlelight Vigil at the Capitol, and Tambry Young and Suzanne King, who celebrated their 28th anniversary earlier this mornth.

As Sands says, "The politi­cal question for gay people is not whether we can be gay in the pri­vacy of our own DNA. It's whether we can lead public Jives of dignity as families and as couples." Bravo to Honolulu Weekly and the lead­ers who have stepped forward.

Patricia A. Gozemba Kailua

No place like home Mahala for your beautifully writ­ten and articulate article, "Com­ing Home" (3/4). I don't believe people realize that hate and preju­dice ends up affecting everyone in a society. It wasn't Jong ago that native people here in Hawai'i were completely denied their identitiy and rights. I think this time of prejudice, in later years, will also be viewed as a shameful part of our history. When you exclude the rights to any minority, it is wrong.

Three cheers

MarkKadota Wai'anae

Kudos to Honolulu Weekly for the story "Coming Home," a bril­liant and honest reflection of the love, commitment, honor and fam­ily values reflected by the lesbian couple. I was humbled to read of their decision to step up to the plate when their family in Hawai'i needed their care. They relocated to Hawai 'i, giving up their own le­gally recognized marriage in Mas­sachusetts, to return home to their family responsibilities. In return, the State of Hawai 'i issued them a Reciprocal Beneficiary document, which falls so far from compari­son of the rights accorded them by Massachusetts law that it is embar­rassing to even compare the two.

Robie Lovinger Kapolei

Not-so-super Hawai'i Superferry's Terry O'Halloran ignored requests to have underwater noise measure­ments made to determine how fast the Superferry could go without causing behavior harassment to various marine mammals. A tech­nical paper with relevant data on underwater noise shows that the Hawai'i Superferry will likely harass humpback whales within 1,000 yards.

This means potentially disrupt­ing behavioral patterns includ­ing migration, breathing, nursing, breeding, feeding, or sheltering and is illegal under the Marine Mammal Protection Act. It is also possible that the noise level from the Hawai'i Superferry could be high enough to cause direct hear-

ing damage to various marine mammals.

It is essential that skilled sub­contractors take the time to:

1) Measure the Superferry's underwater noise level at at least three speeds.

2) Determine what speed the Superferry can safely travel with­out exhibiting Level B harassment from noise.

3) Determine how close Hawai'i Superferry can come to a whale without causing hearing injury from noise.

4) Evaluate marine mammal harassment by noise at different distances from Superferry's course for various species.

These measurements and evalu­ation need to be made soon in or­der to minimize the noise impact by establishing a safe speed of the Superferry with respect to noise.

Marjorie and Duane Erway

Kailua-Kona Editor's Note: A state Supreme

Court ruling Monday deemed unconstitutional a law allowing Superferry to operate pending completion of its environmental impact assessment. The ferry will suspend service after completing its Thursday schedule.

We love to get letters and print as many as space allows. Letters often are edited for length and clarity. Letters should be signed with the writer's full name and their town or city and state, as well as phone number for confir­mation only.

WRITE TO: Letters to the Editor, Honolulu Weekly, 1111 Fort Street Mall, Honolulu, HI, 96813. Fax to 528-3144 or e-mail to editorial@honoluluweekly.com.

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Editor's notes

G od to see Local 5 's Eric ill ta.king a stand on civil nions this week. The trea­

surer of Hawai' i's powerful hotel and restaurant workers union led a group of community leaders in callin~ for the Senate to pass HB 444. Tuesday's statement was co­signed by a number of prominent local activists, including Hawaiians Vicky Holt Takamine and Puanani Burgess, and local NAACP chair Alphonso Braggs, and was a clear attempt to broaden and diversify the call for lesbian and gay equality, which has been repeatedly bashed as a haoles-only issue. It also keeps the story in the public eye at a moment in which one gets the clear impres­sion that senators would rather have the whole thing disappear.

standing reluctance to override the committee process and the fact that some legislators no doubt feel vul­nerable about voting with gay and lesbian interests in the face of all those red-shirted mouth-foamers.

arts institutfons are coping with the economic crisis by hosting a panel discussion on the subject for Hawai' i Public Radio ( come to think of it, maybe we ought to do something on this-oh, wait. We did. Back in December). Anyway, the show will be taped live Sun­day and aired on KHPR (88. lFM) March 22 at 6PM and on KIPO (89.3FM) March 24 at 5PM.

Local S's involvement has the potential to change the game by fo­cusing the conversation on the fami­lies and individuals of all races and classes currently treated, by law, as second-class in this state.

"This bill is not about validating people's existence, nor is it about en­dangering social institutions," Gill said. "The notion that all people have a right to expect and receive fair treatment from our government is at the foundation of our democ­racy. It is written in our most funda­mental law. It is the basic ideal that our government is expected to live upto."

* * * The state and federal governments are teaming up to teach you how to be smarter with your money. No joke.

Consumer Wise Fair, featuring representatives of the state depart­ments of Commerce and Consumer Affairs, Budget and Finance and Health, the Internal Revenue Ser­vice and the U.S. Postal Service. 'Ewa Beach Public School & Li­brary, 91-950 North Rd., Thu 3/19, ]0:30AM-1PM, 689-1204

Civil unions may be left to die this session anyway, however. Dumb as it is, a lot of people seem persuaded by the argument that we can't treat all people equally in times of economic crisis. Then there's the senate's long-

Is anybody at the Capitol listening?

* * * Honolulu magazine is celebrating its March issue by looking at how

-Ragnar Carlson

WHERE'S THE PINK? Our roving architecture critic thinks some of Waikiki's essence is lost in the shuffle at the newly renovated Royal Hawaiian Hotel.

"Where's the Surf Room?" "Where are the chandeliers?" "What happened to the old coconut trees?" "Where's the pink?!"

Bewildered and disappointed might safely charac­terize local reaction to the much-ballyhooed unveiling of the Pink Palace's $85 million makeover earlier this month-at least among people who care about such things.

"The lobby used to pop with color," said one ob­server. "It was elegant like no place else. Now it's all muted."

"The Mai Tai Bar looks like it belongs at a Mar­riott," hissed another .

"It's a mishmash," said a third. "All that koa in the reception area-since when was that hotel full of koa?"

Call it a local heart wound, another small cut to the frayed gossamer that is Honolulu's collective land­scape-of-the-mind, where its sacred spaces and beloved places are mapped-and from which our pride of place derives.

The Royal's great public rooms and courtyards occu­py the heart of Waikikr. Since completion in 1927, they have served as the jaw-dropping crescendo for any tour of the district, open to everyone. The gleaming black stone floors of the lobby, the soigne pink-and-white aw­nings that shaded the beachfront Mai Tai Bar and Surf Room, the spacious lawns and gardens with the oldest and tallest coconut trees anywhere ... all were touch­stones for everything good about Hawaiian hospitality, for everything that was ever truly well done in WaikJkI.

The ancient coconut trees, some as tall as the hotel it­self and last remnants of the historic 1,000-year-old He­lumoa grove, are gone. The quintessential open-air din-

ing room, the Surf Room, is gone, along with its ripples of canvas awning, replaced by an air-conditioned restau­rant called Azure and five semi-private beach-cabana tents that rent for $500 per day each. The revamped Mai Tai Bar, with its huddle of beige umbrella tables com­manding perhaps the best spot on Waikrkr beach, now looks like ... well, a Marriott poolside pick-up spot. The black floors are still there, though dulled by the switch from hot pink carpets to mauve-colored ones. Even the famously pink bed linens and bath towels are gone from the overhauled guestrooms, replaced with white.

"Pink is now an accent," notes hotel spokesman Scott Kawasaki, pointing out that the Pink Palace itself has been painted a "slightly deeper shade."

Kawasaki says there were several key goals for the Royal's redo including updating guestrooms, updating food and beverage and introducing the "cabana experi­ence," which, he says, is unique in Waik11cr.

But the first order of business was rebranding, the PR man stresses, "stratifying the brand to attract new visi­tors." He explains that the hotel was a Sheraton, owned by Starwood, but now it's in Starwood's luxury collec­tion. "It's like going from a Chevy to a Cadillac."

Sure, the old hotel could use some polishing up, espe­cially in the guestrooms. Happy guests paying $400 a night are important.

But so is the Royal's very real and very public glam­our, a glamour that stirred generations of locals. At once stately and sleek, the common areas required more care, more rigor, and more creativity than they got. The prof­ligate use of koa wood in the new registration area, be­sides being immoral and cliched, is flat-out wrong for the cosmopolitan Spanish Colonial style of the build­ing itself, originally designed by the New York firm of Warren and Wetmore. The loss for Honolulu of the Mai Tai Bar/Surf Room's casually elegant composition (circa about 1960) is a crime. The fussy fixtures, muted mate­rials and muddy textiles throughout are neither here nor there and will date quickly, which leaves me wondering, When will we see the next redo, the next iteration, the next rebranding of our own proud alpha hotel?

-Curt Sanburn

HARD TIMES )

The drumbeat of bad economic news is relentless these

days. Tourism's down, unemployment is up and people

are calling it the beginning of a "Great Recession." Our

colleagues in the mainstream press aren't making it up-these

are hard times. We've been asked lately why we haven't focused

more on the economic situation, and our answer has been that

we've been waiting to have something positive to offer. No, you

won't find us quoting Bobby Mcferrin in these pages. Instead,

we've looked around for simple, practical ways we can all stretch

our dollars a little further, or better yet, bring in a few more.

ADRIENNE LAFRANCE

There's a running joke in our newsroom that, in these tough economic times, anything can be

made newsworthy simply by add­ing "in these tough economic times," to the opening sentence. While there's no question that the economic meltdown has infiltrated every aspect of our lives (we actual­ly saw one news organization claim shark attacks have decreased thanks to the flailing economy), haven't we dwelled enough on the miser­able state we're in? Unemployment is really high. Everybody's broke. Times are tough. We get it. Now what do we do about it?

And what about those of us who-by some combination of hard work and dumb luck-still have a full-time job but can't man­age to make ends meet? It may be time to look for a second job.

It's a search process that doesn't have to be as depressing-or dif­ficult-as it sounds. Bartending or waitressing on the side is a great way to make good money, but even for those who can balance a tray and mix a cocktail with the best of them, night- and weekend-shifts are notoriously hard to come by.

Fret not, though, there are plen­ty of other opportunities out there. If you like kids, consider visiting sittercity.com, a Web site that matches potential babysitters with families seeking childcare. You can filter your search for families by proximity to your house, and

jobs are posted for everything from full-time nanny gigs to every-so­often opportunities. There's a spe­cial section on the site for tutoring jobs, too. And if helping the keiki with their homework isn't your bag, Sittercity has even expanded to include placement for jobs in senior care, pet-sitting and house­sitting. Not only does it give you the chance to earn money but to meet some of your neighbors.

Looking for something a little more serious? As plenty of cor­porations cut costs, some are of­fering part-time or contract-based work for projects already in your industry. Adding a couple of hours a week might enable you to net­work while padding your income and building your resume. Just be sure to first find out from your full­time employer whether there are restrictions on moonlighting-and be sure your second employer un­derstands you are already commit­ted full time. Depending on your area of expertise you could also try to make the foray into consulting, which for many proves to be a lu­crative part-time venture (and for the rest of us remains a bit of an enigma).

If that sounds a bit over your head, you could always get a gig handing out fliers along Kalakaua Avenue in Waikiki or, if you re­ally want to maximize the level at which you bother passersbys, see if you can become one of the Greenpeace solicitors who roam Fort Street Mall (dreadlocks op­tional). Or you could go the other direction and actually improve the

sidewalk experience. Play an in­strument? Try setting up shop in front of your open case and seeing how many coins you can collect. While city officials say that street performers don't actually qualify for a peddler's license (since you're collecting donations rather than getting paid for goods or services), it's best to call the police depart­ment that oversees the area where you're interested in playing. Even with no talent you can try to make a buck (or at the very least succeed in creeping people out) by dressing up as something weird or famil­iar enough (seriously, Elmo, what gives?) that tourists feel compelled to toss you some spare change in exchange for a photograph.

But there are plenty of creative ways you can earn extra income without donning muppet get-up day-in and day-out. Crafty types have the world (wide web) at their fmgertips. There's always eBay for your virtual garage sale needs, but if you're craftier than just unloading some of your old junk, you can also sell your home-made jewelry, yarn work, hand-drawn greeting cards, absolutely anything handmade via online stores like Etsy.com.

As with eBay, Etsy requires its sellers to pay a fee for posting their wares. There are regulations, too: Anything you're hawking has to be either handmade by you, a supply or supplies that others can use to craft something or an item 20 years or older with "vintage appeal." Sell­ers beware: Click around too much on Etsy and you might find it im­possible not to start buying, too.

It may sound counterintuitive at a time when many are trying to stay home to save money, but the best way to jump start your sec­ond job search is to get out and do things-albeit cheap or free things-so you can meet people and make it known that you're looking for a part-time gig. Who knows when you might meet an art teacher seeking nude models for his or her class? Or the neighbor who will pay you to feed his cat and water his plants while he's on the mainland? You'll be surprised how many opportunities are available for someone enthusiastic and will­ing to work hard-even if only for a couple hours.

Finally, even if you're not look­ing for a second job, why not considering volunteering some­where? In addition to all the warm and fuzzy feelings that giving

back to your community produces, showing any organization that you are professional, reliable and hard-working is well worth your time. Many employees start out at organizations on a volunteer basis (note to the collegiate set: this is

MARGOT SEETO

ile the do-it-your­elf trend tends to ycle in and out of ashion, as more

people can't afford to buy new ap­pliances or hire others to make re­pairs, the DIY educ is an increas­ingly necessity. Becoming skilled at household trades can be intimidat­ing, but luckily, there are relatively inexpensive ways to take baby steps toward becoming skilled with your hands, either in the garden or in­side the home.

Home improvement You don't have to create Tim Al­len's Lazy-Bowl man's toilet in or­der to prove yourself handy around the house. Laying down tile or figuring out proper wiring can be more useful than converting your porcelain throne into a recliner. All three Home Depot locations on O'ahu offer classes on the week­ends, free of charge. Tiling, mold­ing and outdoor spring preparation are just a few of the workshops available these days. Just call for each location's schedule. Honolulu, 421 Alakawa St., 521-7355; Pearl City, 1021 Kamehameha Hwy., 455-1200; Kapolei, 4600 Kapolei Pkwy., 674-6120, www. homedepot. com.

Green machine With the ideal weather of the Is­lands, utilizing outdoor resources should be a no-brainer. The Green House Sustainable Learning Cen­ter teaches two-hour courses on composting, growing spiral herbal

why internships are so important) and-as morose as it may sound­don't kid yourself: In these tough economic times, you never know when you might be suddenly look­ing for a first job, too.

FYlon how to DIV gardens, soap making, solar power basics, making water catchments and more. Even the keiki have classes just for them on topics like building a solar-powered oven and making paper from plants. Instill­ing green skills and values early in life will equip the young ones for the future. Most classes run under $15. The Green House Sustainable Learning Center, 224 Pakohana St., www.thegreenhousehawaii.com, 524-8427

Sew-sew Sure, everyone has ripped their pants at some point. But learning how to patch up a hole is the easy part-knowing how to alter a pair of jeans that are just a little too long or take in a shirt that is just a little too wide can save a lot of both time and money. Knowing how to crochet or knit a scarf from inex­pensive surplus yarn in this freez­ing 68-degree weather (wind chill counts!) can also up your money­saving potential. And make you look sweet.

Chic Mode, 98-023 Hekaha St., #603, sewing classes for ages JO-adult, 124 per class, www. chicmodehawaii.com, 487-1400

Isle Knit, 1188 Bishop St., Ste. 1403, 533-0853, knitting classes on Saturdays.

Temari Center far Asian and Pacific · Arts, 1754 Lusitana St., www.

temaricenter. com, fabric and other textiles available in addition to craft classes, 536-4566

www.honoluluweekly.mm • March 18-24, 2009 • Honolulu Weekly S

~

I I f

Drinking on the cheap Party like a rockstar, even on a garage band's salary

DEAN CARRICO

Even these days, there are plenty of places that still feature exorbitant cover charges and wallet-bilk­

ing that continues long after you get inside. The economy is forcing all of us to be a bit more creative-­and selective--in our outings. For­tunately, there are still a few choice places where one can have fun and be frugal. Just remember, even if you're drinking for cheap, that's no reason for you to actually be cheap.

Those bm-tenders need the tips, no matter what the drinks go for.

The Shack Waikiki

2255 KuhioAve. You could pick any of The Shack loca­tions for a Thurs­day night and not go wrong, but the newest, tucked in­side the W aikikI Trade Center, has everything you want, except a nearby restroom. Lots of room, a

large bar, roomy ta­bles, and best of all, 24 beers on tap, from the

obvious (Bud Light) to the exquisite (Newcastle,

Mirror Pond)-all of which sell for two bucks.

The Hideaway 1913 Dudoit Ln. It's hard to tell when the pau hana crowd begins at this small, dingy, beloved dive bar, where a line reg­ularly forms at 6AM and the park­ing lot is full at nearly every hour of the day. Long gone is their infa-

6 Honolulu Weekly • March 18-24, 2009 • www.honoluluweekly.com

mous double price plan, where you could get a second pour for a dol­lar more, but the dollar still reigns supreme between the hours of 6-7PM (if you like domestic beers and well liquors, anyway, and with this economy, your brand loyalty should be the first thing to go).

Red Lion University 2535 Coyne St. The name keeps changing, now in its fourth or fifth incarnation, but all you really need to remember is that with only a few name brand exceptions, everything is a dollar on Thursdays. Keep in mind that the a cover charge starts before things get huge, so plan accordingly or don't come crying to us because your broke ass could have had another five drinks if you showed up a little earlier. And remember the barspeak, because if you say whiskey, they'll pour well whiskey, but you can get Jim or Jack for the same price.

Indigo 1121 Nu'uanuAve. Happy hour and Indigo may not work for people digging for change under their couch in order to get one more PBR, but the newly ex­tended seven-hour Martini Mad­ness Happy Hour, which starts at

4PM on Tuesday-Thursday (hap­piness ends at 8PM on Fridays), has to be one of the best deals in the state. All the martinis from the extensive drink menu are priced at $4 and the list keeps changing, so you'll always have a chance to try something new. That should be incentive enough, but when they bring out the leftovers from their lunchtime buffet-no charge­you'll understand why the back bar fills up, with the rharpest dressed professional bumping elbows with the dreadlocked bike messenger for prime seating and prime eat­ing. If you're not there by 4:30, be prepared to eat the tomato salad, because everything else is usually gone.

Other notables: If you're look­ing for drinks and food, check out Tiki's Grill and Bar for their Tiki Taco Tuesday, which offers free Kona Longboard Lager un­til they run out, with dollar tacos until 7PM, all served with one of the best views on the island. Also, check out Giovanni Pastrami be­tween 3PM-6PM daily (free Round Table Pizza!) Brasserie Du Vin lets you class up your frugality Monday-Saturday with discount­ed haute cui~ine (where else will you get escargot for $5? And don't say your garden).

Bring a shopping bag. Everybody knows the canvas bags are good for the planet­they' re also really small, which changes the whole stuff-the­cart dynamic that economists say is the #1 way consumers waste money at the market. Make a list and stick to it, they say, and the eco-friendly bags can help.

Better yet? Sign up with a community-sup­ported agriculture organization. O'ahu'sJustAdd Water offers a variety of healthy, organic pro­duce boxes, delivered each week to one of four pick-up locations island-wide. Or check Kokua Market or any of the plenti­ful farmers' markets for great prices on produce.

Be less vain. The percentage of income spent on various forms of superficial self-love has skyrocketed since 1990. Ease up on the Axe body spray and the Botox, people.

Better yet? Treat yourself for less. Hawai'i Institute of Hair Design offers deep discounts on haircuts from the same stylists who will soon be at high-end locations. On the other end of the vibrational spectrum, Kailua's Hawaii Healing Arts Col­lege offers both student and graduate massages for much less than you would pay elsewhere.

Precious bodily fluids

MARGOT SEETO

Hum ans tend to get more resourceful as comfort levels shrink. When survival in­

stincts kick in (also known as des­peration), we'll sometimes take more drastic measures. While more extreme than reusing tea bags, but not as shocking as selling your children, the human body itself is a resource of potential income. Even though being in Hawai'i poses some restrictions on what you can and can't sell for some extra dough, those willing to part with a literal piece of themselves can still make some not-so-fast cash in ways they might not have considered before.

Oh, the possibilities Eggs We got your locally grown eggs right here. College campus news­papers often carry advertisements for wanting young, healthy, edu­cated women with attractive fea­tures and high SAT scores to do­nate eggs, claiming that each egg can fetch the donor up to $12,000 (if only every person had to meet the same rigorous standards to re­produce). The process usually takes a few months to complete, which includes tests for various diseases and investigating family medici11 history, psychological well-being, as well as completing a regimen of fertility drugs. Females usu­ally have to be in their late teens to early 30s to qualify, depending on the center. In Hawai'i, centers offer about $5,000 for each egg donation, in addition to covering the costs of tests and sometimes transportation. Family Line even markets egg donation as a "sum­mer job." Advanced Reproductive Center of Hawai'i, Kapi'olani Medical Center Office Building, 1319 Punahou St., Ste. 520, www.archawaii.com, 949-6611; Pacific Connection Fertility Services, 2700 S. King St., Ste. A200, www.pacificeggdonor.com, 941-0565

Family Line, based in Reno, Nev., buys Asian eggs only, wwwfam-line. com, (800) 609-LINE.

Hair While it can take months or even years to grow enough healthy hair to be functional when parted from your scalp, those who so happen to be blessed with shiny, long hair can make a pretty penny, which in turn can make some pretty wigs. High-priced hair usually can't have been dyed, permed or damaged. The minimum length for market­ability has to be at least around a foot. Many hair salons offer free or cheap hair cuts in exchange for your hair donation to cancer-relat­ed organizations such as Locks of Love. However, more research into the hair market turns up sites such as thehairtrader.com, where sellers can earn up to $2,000 a yard. www.thehairtrader.com.

In the name of science You don't even have to know what a guinea pig is to help advance sci­entific causes. But you can partici­pate in medical studies that include free treatment or medication, with the possibility for other compen­sation. Hawai'i Clinical Research currently needs participants with high blood pressure, Type II dia­betes or clinically diagnosed de­pression for its studies. If you don't qualify for the current studies, but still are interested in furthering medical research, register as a vol­unteer with the research center for future studies for which you may qualify. Hawai'i Clinical Research, www.hawaiiclinicalreserach.com, 528-3880

Cross the border Plasma Donating blood and its other com­ponents, such as platelets and plas­ma, is always a noble cause, saving lives in what is a perpetual medical shortage of vital bodily fluids. Plas­ma tends to fetch more than just a cup of juice and a cookie with­out requiring much of your time. The quest to put a big needle in your arm can still be a reality, but unfortunately the Hawai'i Blood Bank doesn't buy plasma. It will, however, always accept donations of it. If you so happen to want to sell your healthy plasma while out­of-state, each donation can get you $35-$60. Blood Bank of Hawai'i, www. bbh.org, 845-9966; visit www. bloodbanker.com far locating centers around the country that buy plasma.

Sperm There are reputable fertility clinics in Honolulu, such as the Pacific In Vitro Fertilization Institute. But a call to the center revealed that there are no sperm banks here, and that the main supplier of sperm is the California Cryobank. If you happen to be in California on a regular basis, the application process, which includes medical and psychological testing, takes about three months. For the Cryo­bank, only nine applicants out of 1,000 make it through the rigor­ous screening process. The main requirements include having to be at least five-feet-nine-inches, 19-38 years old, having exclu­sively female sexual partners, a col­lege education or being a working EMT, firefighter, police officer or paramedic, being in good health and being legally allowed to work in U.S. While some of the require­ments may not initially make sense in contributing to being a qualified sperm donor, making it through the process apparently means you are the cream (no pun intended) of the crop. Once deemed qualified, one can donate up to three times per week, fetching up to $U 00 a month. Pacific In Vitro Fertilization In­stitute, www.pacificinvitro.com, (866) 944-0440; California Cryo­bank, www.cryobank.com, (877) 366-6780

Surrogate motherhood It can be hard to believe that some women are willing to go through nine months of pregnancy and the birthing process in addition to tests and background checks to give the miracle of life to a baby that isn't theirs. Some may do it for altruistic reasons to help a close friend or relative. Some may do it for the $5,000 it can bring in. But an inquiry to Honoulu's Pa­cific Connection Fertility Services prompted an employee to answer, "It's not good. So [we] don't do it." When asked if any other clinics in the area assisted with surrogate motherhood, a quick "No" was given. Whatever procedural, legal and personal complications are in­volved in the process of surrogate motherhood, we're avoiding them altogether here.

Organs Organ donation from living do­nors can help a patient in need live longer than ifhe or she received an organ from a cadaver. Donating a kidney or slice of liver can still af­ford the healthy donor a long life. But selling organs is illegal in the United States. In fact, selling or bartering organs is illegal in every country except Iran. On the black market, organ donors can earn

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$15,000 dollars for a kidney and organ traffickers can earn $50,000 or more per transaction. Of course what you can earn depends on whether you live in a first- or third-world country. And there is no doubt that the trade is danger­ous and can often lead to sickness or death for both donor and recipi­ent, especially for those outside of the U.S.

The issue is far from settled, as illustrated by the Living Organ Donor Tax Credit Act of 2007 (HR 1035). An attempt at amend­ing the Internal Revenue Code of 1986, the act was created to pro­vide a nonrefundable tax credit up to $5,000 to individuals who donate certain life-saving organs. The act never became a law, but there are still doctors in the U.S. advocating the legalization of selling human organs from living donors in order to relieve the con­stant shortage. •

Source: newsweek.comlid/178873/ page/1 from issue published 1/19/2009 Organ Donor Center of Hawai'i, organdonorhawaii.com, 599-7630

Use your own bank's ATM.

Those $2 per-use fees really add up-until you realize that your own bank is charging you a similar amount. That's $4 a pop, meaning that that other bank's ATM outside your work is costing you as much as $100 every month.

Better yet? Join a Federal Credit Union. Sure, their machines are much fewer and farther between than the big guys, but their fees are much lower, and sometimes non-existent.

www.honoluluweektJ.com • March 18-24, 2009 • Honolulu Weekly 7

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Words Sista l(anae

I n this economy, where even venerable mainland publishing houses aren't accepting new

manuscripts, Bamboo Ridge Press is still chugging along with its 93rd issue, Islands Linked By Ocean, a collection of short stories by Lisa Linn Kanae. Her stories have previ­ously appeared in Hybolics, 'Oiwi, and of course, Bamboo Ridge. She also published Sista Tongue, a chap­book from Tinfish Press which ex­amined, in memoir-like fashion, our connections to Pidgin English in Hawai'i.

This new collection of tales keeps Kanae's light, memoir-style prose and shows us the familiar and the illuminating about our O'ahu lives. Kanae's stories take us paddling on the Ala Wai Canal, dining at a bachelorette brunch at a swanky hotel and shopping at Barnes & Noble with her trademark humor. The work is already garnering ad­vance praise. Lois-Ann Yamanaka says" ... characters known to you so closely at times, you read passages twice to make sure you've read what you've read. Sista is real." Then there's Lee Cataluna: "I loved this book so much I couldn't get through a page without wanting to show it to somebody."

Kanae will be reading at the offi­cial launch party at UH Campus Center, but if you miss that, she'll also be at Native Books/Na Mea Hawai'i at Ward Center, 7PM on 4/30.

As if that wasn't enough Bamboo Ridge goodness, Yamanaka will cel­ebrate the re-release of her classic Saturday Night at the Paha/a Theatre at the UHM Art Auditorium, 7PM

on 4/17. Who says literature is going ex­

tinct? -Ryan Senaga

Campus Center Ballroom, UH­. Mtinoa, Thu 3/15), reception and

book signing 7PM, reading 7·30PM, free, bambooridge.com.

Film Foxtrot Tango Alpha

T hey just don't make anti-war activists like they used to. The most prominent and

outspoken opponent of the war in Iraq has probably been the admira­bly persistent yet ultimately unin­spiring Cindy Sheehan, whose tone, rhetoric and visuals have been those of a heartbroken mother. Hanoi Jane, she ain't.

While even those too young to remember-and yes, Boomers, that is now the overwhelming majority

of us-are generally aware of Jane Fonda's anti-war activism during the Vietnam era, time has dulled us to her basic hotness, both as a sex symbol and as a media phenome­non. Fonda's status as both Holly­wood royalty and a renegade talent in her own right made her hard-core pro-communist rhetoric intensely powerful, politically and culturally.

In late 1972,Fonda headlined a hodgepodge crew of musicians (Country Joe McDonald, Len Chandler), actors (Donald Suther­land) and comedians (the truly great Paul Mooney) who appeared in the anti-military documentary FTA, which focused on an earlier anti­war concert tour of the same name. The film was banned by the mili­tary and vanished from theaters days after its release, but remained notorious for its focus on getting soldiers to leave the army (hence the acronymic name). World Can't Wait Hawai'i hosts a screening on Thurs­day, which is the sixth anniversary of the beginning of the war in Iraq. That war. bv the wav. is now the

8 Honolulu Weekly • March 18-24, 2009 • www.honoluluweekly.com

MARCH 18-24 Gigs 10 Concerts & Clubs/Theater 6 Dance 11 Museums/Galleries/Words 12 Learning 13 Keiki 6 'Ohana

/Botanical/Hikes & Excursions/Food & Drink/Whatevahs /

Volunteer/Sports/Neighbors/Gay/Mixed Media 14 Films 16

fourth-longest military conflict in U.S. history, behind the current war in Afghanistan, Vietnam and the war against Native Americans.

-Ragnar Carlson

Architecture Department Auditori­um, 2410 Campus Rd., UH-Mtinoa, Thu 3/15), 630PM doors open, 730PM screening, free, 534-2255

Concerts

Things that come in twos

I n the 1992 documentary Man­ufacturing Consent, noted lin­guist and left-wing social critic

Noam Chomsky defends his sup­port of Holocaust denier Robert Faurisson, then on trial by the French government. "If you're really in favor of free soeech." Chomskv

says, "then you're in favor of free­dom of speech for precisely the views you despise. Otherwise, you're not in favor of free speech."

That's an appropriate way to talk about the infamous rap group The 2 Live Crew.

Five years earlier, the group's de­but album, The 2 Live Crew is What We Are, brought about the arrest of a store clerk in their home state of Florida on a felony charge of selling obscene material to minors. Bro­ward County Sheriff Nick Navarro upped the ante with the release of the band's 1988 album, As Nasty As They Wanna Be, declaring his intent to arrest any record store owners who sold the album, as well as any person caught listening to the group in public, for violating indecency laws. The 2 Live Crew responded with a lawsuit. It wouldn't be their last time in court. Since that case, rock band Van Halen and the estate of Roy Orbison both took the band to court for sampling of their music. Film director George Lucas success­fully sued member Luther Camp­bell over his stage name, Luke Sky­ywalker.

Campbell left the group in 1995, but band members Fresh Kid Ice and Brother Marquis continue to cele­brate the party lifestyle, filled with ribald and misogynistic lyrics. Join­ing their party at Fashion 45 is a live shoot from the Girls Gone Wild team. Being that Fashion 45 is a night club instead of a strip joint, ei­ther Fashion 45 is either ready to deal with the possible hundreds of fines handed down by the liquor commission, or it's going to be the lamest new release ever by the GGW

team either. Either way, it's bound to be nasty. -Dean Carrico

Fashion 45, 2255 Kuhio Ave., Sat 3/21, 8PM, $30-$100, 21+, presaleticketsonline. com, 221-3863

l(rall the conqueror /!

A quick scan of her al­bum covers (more than a dozen) traces the transi­

tion that jazz pianist and sultry crooner Diana Krall has made from hep cat to sex kitten. In Stepping Out, her debut release, Krall is all business in black shell, tailored tan jacket (padded shoul­ders!), a look of sensitive determi­nation on her face. As she grows as a jazz artist and a pop phenom, the progression is less about the look and more about the leg.

Fortunately, she's always been about the music.

Krall comes to town this week to showcase her latest album, Quiet Nights (cover art reminiscent of the early '60s Latin albums). It's a two-nights-only gig in the Symphony's Toyota Pops se-ries and will feature songs

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from Krall's new release. Krall is a risk taker-she married

Elvis Costello, for example-and this incarnation moves her into new territory with a range of songs from Broadway to Bacharach to the Bee Gees, all flavored by the cool jazz of Brazil. Maestro Matt Catingub conducts. -Steve Wagemeller

Blaisdell Concert Hall, 999 S. King Street, Thu 3119-Fri 3120, 8PM, $45-$125, ticketmaster.com, 877-750-4400

BYO sweat

Jersey has always been given a tough time by the other states. Known for big hair, Jager

bombs, factory smells and bad ac­cents, the Garden State is small in size but always feisty. Take the Jer­sey-grown Bouncing Souls, for ex­ample.

Hopping since 1987, the punk band inspired by Doc Martens has given fans happily-paced songs about pizza parlors and heroes, sprinkled with accordion and horns here and there and romantic shots of the Jer­sey shore in videos. The Bouncing Souls are the kinds of musicians that you might be OK with your kids lik­ing, and the two-plus decades of mu­sical credibility gives you relief that the young (and older) ones aren't all in love with faux-punk bands that fit the boy band mold.

The last time the Bouncing Souls were here, Pink Cadillac was filled to the brim with sweaty bod­ies. Expect that, and probably more, at the smaller Anna Ban­nana's. Even though the band might make happy music, there still might be the risk of encoun­tering a naked mosher. Be mindful of what touches your beer glass below the waist.

Tues-

day's show

has The 86 List and The

opening and Wednesday

welcomes Red Light

Taxi and Phoe­nix Rose. -Margot Seeto

Anna Bannana's, 2440 S. Beretania St.,

Tue 3/24 & Wed 3/25, 7PM, $12-$15,

all ages, 808shows. com, 946-5190

Theater See you next Tuesday

T uesdays with Morrie is based on the biographical memoirs of Mitch Albom's time spent

with a man dying of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease. Sociology Professor Morris "Morrie" Schwartz always tried to be unique in his teachings, giving each student care and friendship. He and Alborn spent much time together outside of class and Schwartz wanted him to stay in touch after graduation. Life, not always turning out the way we

want, swept Alborn off into the work world.

Fast forward to 16 years later. Al­born discovers via

Nightline that Morrie is sick and decides to

visit. One Tuesday turns into a weekly session of

learning about life, death and experiencing both with digni-

ty. Manoa Valley Theatre has the

honor of presenting this play with visiting London director Lolly Susi. Greg Howell plays Schwartz and Scott Robertson plays Alborn. It opens today, so prepare for some real life lessons. -Darby Murphy

Mtinoa Valley Theatre, 2833 East Mtinoa Rd, Wed 3118 & Thu 3119 7:30pm, Fri 3119 & Sat 3120, 8PM, Sun 3121, 4PM; show runs through

415, manoavalleytheatre. com, 988-6131

Gimmick to me, baby

Parents forcing their children into show business sounds cruel, but it's a move that has

resulted in some of the biggest sen­sations in pop culture. Take the Jackson 5, for example. Granted, psychological and physical trauma may be a significant factor for young children in a harsh business, but parents living out their ambi­tion and greed through their chil­dren is nothing new.

Take Gypsy Rose Lee, the famous burlesque striptease artist shaped by her mother's overbearing ways, who inspired the 1959 musical Cypsy. Unable to match the talents of her sister, June, in the acts their mother, Rose, created for them, Gypsy (pre­viously known as Louise), struck out on her own in her early teens

and found she could succeed in bur­lesque. Gypsy learned from other performers that the tease had to be emphasized in striptease, because "if ya got a gimmick, gypsy girl you've got it made."

The iron-lunged Ethel Merman as Rose helped propel the Jule Styne-Steven Sondheim musical into the canon of classical American musicals, with some critics such as Frank Rich considering it to be the greatest American musical of all time. Diamond Head Theatre pres­ents its own saucy rendition, with Shari Lynn as Mama Rose and cho­reography by John Rampage.

-M.S.

Diamond Head Theatre, 3/20-415, Thu-Sat 8PM, Sun 4PM, Sat matinees at 3PM on 3/28 & 414, diamondheadtheatre.com, 733-0274

Learning Making lei

Giving someone a nice, ahem, lei is an almost p_erfunctory gesture, a convenient way to

say "happy birthday" or "congratula­tions." It is an act of aloha, and one to which we don't really need to give too much thought. But the spirit and tradition of lei making is a serious pursuit, a discipline that combines an understanding of ethnobotany, the Hawaiian language and symbol­ism and the cultural significance of ritual adornment.

The Celebration of Hawaiian Lei Making is presented this week­end at the Honolulu Academy of Arts Linekona Arts Center, with three full days of free activities and discussions. Master lei makers will be on hand with continuous demon­strations and talk-story sessions, and a lei challenge will see them incorpo­rate a "mystery ingredient" into their craft. Mayor Hannemann is slated to be on hand to announce the winner on Saturday. The event is sponsored in part by the Ciry's Product Enrich­ment Program. 2008 May Day Lei Queen Paulette Kahalepuna will perform on Sunday.

Most of us who grew up here have, at least once, strung a plumeria lei for a teacher or coach or auntie. We probably didn't realize the true cul­tural and spiritual significance of the act at the time, so this weekend's events at Linekona are a great way to connect with the true meaning of the gesture. -Jamie Winpenny

Honolulu Academy of Arts, Linekona Arts Center, 1111 Victoria St., Fri 3/20-Sun 3122, 10AM-3PM, free, honoluluacademy.org, 532-8700

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A NIGHT OF IRISH Music Two Great Bands,

Live in Concert

Friday, March 27 @ 7:30 pm

$10 Admission Pre-sale tickets available on site

478 Ena Road • 947-3414 www.honoluluweekly.com • March 18-24, 2009 • Honolulu Weekly 9

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DEAN CARRICO

Get real MTV AND I have never really had a good relationship, though in truth, we've barely had contact with each other. That's by design. Once the network switched formats to reality programming, the allure of seeing rock stars playing commercially viable material lost its luster.

But MTV wasn't finished with me. As a journalism student a de­cade ago, I attended an Associated Press convention which included a day-long presentation, fueled by hand-wringing over the future of newspapers, from several companies who had succeeded in luring in new customers with unorthodox strategies. The MTV spokesperson, Michael Cunningham, presented a predictable glorification of the cable channel's inception and subsequent success story, glossing over things like. the racist policy that once prohibited showing videos by black artists.

"But," said Cunningham, from his podium, "with all our successes, we have to be wary of the future and its velocity for change, keepirig in mind how to maintain the illusion of cutting edge programming.

"We at MTV" he continued, "recognize that we do not have total saturation of the youth market. In fact, there are approximately 20 per­cent of the population that do not watch our network. We have divided these people into three subsections and are currently working on ways to lure these factions to our product."

Cunningham first described the interests and actions of my crazy ex-girlfriend, who at the time was still my crazy girlfriend. I thought this was pretty funny, because I knew I could go home afterwards and tease her about the MTV bogeyman being out to get her. Next, he described my photographer, who I pointed at in mock laughter, whis­pering, "You're next!"

But then, he described me. I don't mean physically, although I'm sure if pressed he probably

could have. He did, however, describe my hobbies, my interests, my political and social views, my general outlook on life, even my shop­ping habits and sense of humor. When he was finished, I- camped out in the hallway, waiting for Cunningham to exit. When he did, I told him that he and I were going to sit in the hotel bar and have a conver­sation. or I could just beat the crap out of him right there.

"What do I have to do," I asked him five minutes later at the bar, "to get you to leave me alone?"

"It's too late," Cunningham replied. "We'll get you sooner or later." Fast forward IO years, and The Real World, now filming for its 23rd

season, returns to Honolulu for casting. No word is given where the participants will reside (Albuquerque? The Love Canal? Afghani­stan?). I'm surprised upon arriving that the site of the auditions hasn't hit America's Next Top Model-ian proportions. Then again, in the age of Tila Tequlia, Flavor Flav, Bret Michaels and a seemingly endless parade of the whoreables, The Real World is almost quaint.

Being too old to audition myself (presumably because after you reach 24, you can handle your liquor, along with being leery about catching hepatitis), I brought a few friends (pictured above). None of them fit under what MTV has publicly stated that they're looking for-a bulimic, an orphan, an immigrant and other various baggage. But if any of them are cast, I suppose I'll watch. Maybe.

-Dean Carrico

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highergroundhawaii.com 622-0000 10 Honolulu Weekly • March 18-24, 2009 • www.honoluluweeldy.com

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • THE SCENE

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Gigs 18/Wednesday COMEDY Bo Irvine, Chief Sielu, Kento·san, Michael Staats, Comedy Polynesia at the Sheraton Princess Ka'iulani (8pm) 531-HAHA Kenny Johnson, Shawn Felipe, Arthur Wayne, Shar­key's Comedy Club at the Sheraton Princess Ka'iulani (9:30pm) 531-HAHA

COUNTRY/FOLK TheGeezers,Arno1d's Beach Bar (7pm) 924-6887

HAWAIIAN KimoArtis, Hula Grill (7pm) 923-HULA TheBrothersCazimero, Chai's Bistro (7pm) 585-0011 Kailua Bay Buddies Trio, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beachcomber (9:30pm) 791-1200 Sam Kapu Trio, Banyan Court, Moana Surfrider (6pm) 922-3111 Lawrence Kidder, Beach Bar, Moana Surfrider (8pm) 921-4600 Brother Noland, Kimo and Kamuela Kahoano, Cyril Pahinui, Kawika Kahiapoand Martin Pahinui, Kaukahi, Minoa DNA, Kani Ka Pila Grille (4:30pm) 924-4990 Sean Na'auao Trio, Mai Tai Bar, Royal Hawaiian (6pm) 923-7311 Royal Hawaiian Band, Kapolei Hale (12pm) 922-5331 Ellsworth Simeona, Duke's Waikfki (4pm) 922-2268

JAZZ/BLUES The Deadbeats, Jazz Minds Arts & Cafe (9pm) 945-0800 DeShannon Higa, Noel Okimoto, Lopaka Colon, Den Del Negro, Dean Taba, Robert Shinoda, Gordon Biersch (6:30pm) 599-4877 JauyJay, Brasserie Du Vin (7pm) 545-1115

ROCK/POP Guy Cruz and Friends, On Stage Drinks & Grinds (9pm) 306-7799 Zanuck Lindsey, RumFire (5:30pm)

WORLD/REGGAE Led Dread, Boardriders (10pm) 261-4600 Ali Garcia, Mexico Lindo (6pm) 263-0055 Jama Hang, Tropics Cafe Bar & Lounge (8pm) 927-1797 Simple Souls, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beachcomb­er (6:30pm) 791-1200

19/Thursday COUNTRY/FOLK The Geezers, Nashville Waikiki (7pm) 926-7911

HAWAIIAN 'Auntie Pudgie'Young, Kiihio Beach Hula Stage (6:30pm) 843-8002 Kailua Bay Buddies Trio, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beachcomber (9:30pm) 791-1200 Art Kalahiki, RumFire (5:30pm) KeliyDeLima'Ohana, Mai Tai Bar, Royal Hawai­ian (6pm) 923-7311 Eric Lee, Beach Bar, Moana Surfrider (8pm) 921-4600 Pa'ahana Trio, Banyan Court, Moana Surfrider (6pm) 922-3111 SheilaWaiwaiole&MaraSagpolu, Hula Grill (7pm) 923-HULA

JAZZ/BLUES SonCaribe, Rumours (9:30pm) 955-4811 The Deadbeats, Indigo (8pm) 521-2900 Ginai, Chai's Bistro (6:45pm) 585-0011 RockyHolmes&Quartet, The Lotus at Diamond Head (6:30pm) 922-1700 Partners in Time, Souren Baronian, Morning Brew (7:30pm) 262-7770 Sefa and Friends, Jazz Minds Arts & Cafe (9pm) 945-0800

ROCK/POP RockyBrown&Friends, Don Ho's Island Grill (5:30pm) 528-0807 Guy Cruz Band, Gordon Biersch (7pm) 599-4877 AIWaterson&Frlends, Don Ho's Island Grill (6pm) 528-0807

WORLD/REGGAE Ali Garda, Mexico Restaurant (6pm) 845-9059 Resination,Guidance, Tropics Cafe Bar&Lounge (8pm) 927-1797 Simple Souls, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beachcomb­er (6:30pm) 791-1200

20/Friday COMEDY AugleT.,JoseDynamite, Timmy Mattos, Waialua Community Association (8pm) 637-4606

lmprov, Laughtrack Theater Company (8pm & 10pm) 384-3362

COUNTRY/FOLK Saloon Pilots, Big City Diner, Kailua (8pm) 263-8880

HAWAIIAN Beach s, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beachcomber (6:30pm) 791-1200 Baron Bento Trio, Banyan Court, Moan a Surfrid­er (6pm) 922-3111 DavidAsing, Kamuela Kahoano, Hula Grill (7pm) 923-HULA Maunalua, Duke's Waikiki (4pm) 922-2268 Na Palapalai, Chai's Bistro (6:45pm) 585-0011 Peter Milo Duo, Sam Choy's Breakfast, Lunch and Crab (6pm) 545-7979 Piiikia, Chart House (6pm) 941-6660 Royal Hawaiian Band, 'Iolani Palace (12pm) 523-4674 Ellsworth Simeona, Mai Tai Bar, Royal Hawaiian (6pm) 923-7311 Mihana Souza, Don Ho's Island Grill (5pm) 528-0807 KeliyVillaverde, Beach Bar, Moana Surfrider (8pm) 921-4600

JAZZ/BLUES Jon Basebase, Kona Brewing Co. (7pm) 394-5662 SonCaribe, Queen Kapi'olani Hotel (9pm) 524-6441 Deneice Williams, Brian Simpson, Rick Braun, Level 4 Nightclub & Ultra Lounge (8pm) 931-6100 Jimmy Funai, Brian Robertshaw, Roy's (6:30pm) 396-7697 Jonny Kamai, RumFire (5:30pm) Kupaoa, Honolulu Club (6pm) 543-3916 Molokai Jan West, Don Ho's Island Grill (5:30pm) 528-0807 Synergy, Jazz Minds Arts & Cafe (9pm) 945-0800 Ginny Tiu, Hanohano Room (6pm) 922-4422 Chris Vandercook, Muldavi Cafe (7pm) 626-5087

ROCK/POP Aka, Hank's Cafe (9pm) 526-1410 Bedroq, Da Smokehouse (8pm) 946-0233 Stratus Blue, OnStage Drinks & Grinds (6pm) 306-7799 Awry By Design,SheCanDevour, Stillborn Skies, Satellite Grey, Red Lion (8pm) 949-5466 Dean&Dean, Chart House (9:30pm) 941-6660 Eight-o-Eight, Gordon Biersch (9pm) 599-4877 Mikoto, A Deafening Silence,Affrontthe Weak, Welshly Arms, Supersonic Space Monkeys, Shoot the Messen· ger,Zeemer, Hormah, Anna Bannana's (8pm) 946-5190 Cory Oliveros, Gordon Biersch (5:30pm) 599-4877 Piranha Brothers, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beach­comber (9:30pm) 791-1200 Society of Seven LY.Jasmine Trias, Outrigger Waikiki (8:30pm) 923-7469 Slug, Kemo'o Farms, Pub (9pm) 621-1835

WORLD/REGGAE Rebel Souljahz, Board riders (10pm) 261-4600

21/Saturday COMEDY Bo Irvine, ChiefSielu, Kento·san, Michael Staats, Comedy Polynesia at the Sheraton Princess Ka'iulani (8pm) 531-HAHA lmprov, Laughtrack Theater Company (8pm & 10pm) 384-3362 Kenny Johnson, Shawn Felipe, Arthur Wayne, Shar­key's Comedy Club at the Sheraton Princess Ka'iulani (9:30pm) 531-HAHA

HAWAIIAN Nohelani Cypriano Trio, Banyan Court, Moana Surfrider (6pm) 922-3111 Kumuhau Duo, Sam Choy's Breakfast, Lunch and Crab (6pm) 545-7979 Fusion, TheShackMililani (9:30pm) 627-1561 Kapena, Duke's Waiki/a (4pm) 922-2268 Kapena, Gordon Biersch (8:30pm) 599-4877 Aina Koa, Hula Grill (7pm) 923-HULA Sean Na'auao Trio, Mai Tai Bar, Royal Hawaiian (6pm) 923-7311 ShirleyRecca, Kiihio Beach Hula Stage (6:30pm) 843-8002 Mike Saffel'J, RumFire (5:30pm) Alika Souza, Don Ho's Island Grill (5pm) 528-0807 Ray Sowders, Uncle's Fish Market & Grill (11:30am) 275-0063

JAZZ/BLUES Boogie, Kona Brewing Co. (7pm) 394-5662 Teresa Bright, Chai's Bistro (6:45pm) 585-0011 Deneice WIiiiams, Brian Simpson, Rick Braun, Level 4 Nightclub& Ultra Lounge (7pm) 931-6100 Jimmy Funai, Roy's (6:30pm) 396-7697 Jonny Kamai, Beach Bar, Moana Surfrider (8pm) 921-4600 Ginny Tiu, Hanohano Room (6pm) 922-4422

ROCK/POP 40, Bob's Sports Bar (9:30pm) 263-7669

Kainalu Busque, Muldavi Cafe (7pm) 626-5087 £1ght·O·Eight, Gordon Biersch (9pm) 599-4877 Mister Meaner, Boardriders (10pm) 261-4600 Piranha Brothers, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beach­comber (9:30pm) 791-1200 Society of Seven LV,Jasmine Trias, Outrigger Waikiki (8:30pm) 923-7469 Black Square, Indigo (10pm) 521-2900 Taimane, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beachcomber (6:30pm) 791-1200 Tito Bemobis, Billy Beimes, Chart House (8:30pm) 941-6660

WORLD/REGGAE Ali Garcia, Mexico Restaurant (6pm) 845-9059 Guidance, Jazz Minds Arts & Cafe (9pm) 945-0800 Gwanjah, OnStage Drinks & Grinds (9pm) 306-7799 Rolando Sanchez, Thai Sweet Basil (9pm) 988-8811

22/Sunday COUNTRY/FOLK The Geezers, Hank's Cafe (6pm) 526-1410

HAWAIIAN Brother Noland, Kani Ka Pila Grille (5:30pm) 924-4990 Waipuna Duo, Mai Tai Bar, Royal Hawaiian (6pm) 923-7311 Ledward Kaapana, Kona Brewing Co. (6pm) 394-5662 Aina Koa, Hula Grill (7pm) 923-HULA Ericlee, RumFire (5:30pm) Pu'uhonua Trio, Banyan Court, Moal')a Surfrider (6pm) 922-3111 Royal Hawaiian Band, Kapi'olani Park Bandstand (2pm) 523-4674

JAZZ/BLUES Kupaoa, Waiki/a Beach Walk (5pm) Sonny Silva, Uncle's Fish Market & Grill (5:30pm) 275-0063

ROCK/POP Soul Bucket, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beachcomber (6:30pm) 791-1200 Dean&Dean, Chart House (6:30pm) 941-6660 HenryKapono, Duke's Waikiki (4pm) 922-2268 Piranha Brothers, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beach­comber (9:30pm) 791-1200 John Valentine, Beach Bar, Moan a Surfrider (8pm) 921-4600

WORLD/REGGAE Dubkonscious, Tropics Cafe Bar & Lounge (9pm) 927-1797 Ali Garcia, Mexico Lindo (6pm) 263-0055

23/Monday COUNTRY/FOLK The Geezers, Arnold's Beach Bar (7pm) 924-6887

HAWAIIAN Gordon Freitas, Honolulu Club (6pm) 543-3916 Art Kalahiki, Banyan Court, Moana Surfrider (6pm) 922-3111 Na Kama, Hula Grill (7pm) 923-HULA Sam KapuTrio, Mai Tai Bar, Royal Hawaiian (3pm) 923-7311 Albert Maglimat, Beach Bar, Moana Surfrider (8pm) 921-4600 Ellsworth Simeona, Duke's Waikiki (4pm) 922-2268 Jerry Santos, Hoku Zuttermeister& Barry Kimokea, Chai's Bistro (6:45pm) 585-0011

JAZZ/BLUES Pau Hana Blues Band, On Stage Drinks & Grinds (6pm) 306-7799

ROCK/POP Piranha Brothers, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beach­comber (9:30pm) 791-1200 John Valentine, RumFire (5:30pm)

WORLD/REGGAE Simple Souls, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beachcomb­er (6:30pm) 791-1200

24/Tuesday HAWAIIAN Klilua Bay Buddies Trio, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beachcomber (9:30pm) 791-1200 Ainsley Halemanu, Kuhio Beach Hula Stage (6:30pm) 843-8002 Shawn lshimoto, Beach Bar, Moana Surfrider (8pm) 921-4600 Sista Robi Kahakalau & Friends, Chai's Bistro (6:45pm) 585-0011 Kapa la Trio, Banyan Court, Moana Surfrider (6pm) 922-3111 WaltKeale, Hula Grill (7pm) 923-HULA Ellen Martinez Trio, Banyan Court, Moana Sur­frider (6pm) 922-3111 Ellsworth Simeona, RumFire (5:30pm)

;--_. ........

•,

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • THE SCENE

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • JAZZ/BLUES Groove Easy, Jazz Minds Arts & Cafe (9pm) 945-0800 AbsolutJoy, Honolulu Club (6pm) 543-3916

ROCK/POP Bari Bari 13, thirtyninehotel (9pm) 599-2552 Bouncing Souls, The 86 list, The Throwdowns, Anna Bannana's (7pm) 946-5190 Ooklah the Moc, Stillborn Skies, Sheriff Brown, Ill Val· ley,Aimforthe Heart, Phoenix Rose, All Nattro, Dub Phylum, Most High, Hormah, Pipeline Cafe (5pm) 589-1999

WORLD/REGGAE Slmple Souls, Jimmy Buffet's at the Beachcomb­er (6:30pm) 791-1200

Concerts 6 Clubs A Night to Remember The Movement Cen­ter presents a variety of dance disciplines, with students joining their instructors. Song and poetry included. www.themove­mentcenter.org, 735-8641. Calvary By the Sea Lutheran Church, 5339 Kalaniana'ole Hwy.: Sat 3/21, (7PM.) $5-$10. 735-8641 Aloha Woodwind Quintet Free concert. Music to your ears. For one hour. Hawai 'i State Public Library, 478 S. King St.: Fri 3/20, (12PM.) Free. 586-3500 Augie T. Comedy Crusade Pinoy comedy power! With Jose Dynamite and Timmy Mattos. Call 391-5673 for info. Waialua Community Center, 66-434 Kamehameha Hwy.: Fri 3/20. $10 pre-sale tickets at Breakers and Cholo's; $15 door. BACHanalia, A Celebration of J.S. Bach's Music on the Day After His 324th Birthday The 2:30 show features an organ marathon and the 5:15 show features the choir. Lutheran Church of Honolulu, 1730 Punahou St.: Sun 3/22, (2:30 & 5:15PM.) Free. 941-2566 ~ouncing Souls (See Hot Picks, page 9.) Visit www.808shows.com. Anna Ban­nana's, 2440 S. Beretania St.: Tue 3/24 & Wed 3/25, (7PM.) $12 advance; $15 door. All ages. 946-5190

• pin one

A SELECTIVE GUIDE TO DJ NIGHTS

WEDNESDAY,MARCH18 ACID WASH@ The Living Room COUNTRY NIGHT@ Kahuna's KMCB DJ RASTA VIBES@ Boardriders ENJOY (house) @ Zanzabar THE FIX@ The O lounge HIP HOP HUMP! (hip-hop) (top 40)@ Hula's Bar and lei Stand MIC:CTRL (house) (techno) (hip-hop)@ lotus w/ DJS Willis Haltom, Zane, Zrama, Subzero, Ernie K MINGLE@ Hush Boutique Nightclub lounge MIXTAPE@ thirtyninehotel OVER THE HUMP WEDNEZDAYS (mix tape night) @ Just One TOTALLY '80s@ Loft w/ DJs Nocturna, G­Spot Quiksilva UNPLUGGED@ V lounge w/ DJ Durtie Rice UNSCENE FOUNDATION @Indigo w/ DJs K-Smooth and Mixmascer B WICKED WEDNESDAYS (top 40) (mashups) @Fashion 45

THURSDAY,MARCH19 BUDDHA KAHN@ Doraku Sushi CASUAL THURSDAYS@ Fashion 45 CHILL@ level 4 w/ DJs Mike D, Paul Brandon COSMO (electro) (house) (mash-up)@ Hula's w/ DJs KSM, Honu, rebel neB FIRED UP THURSDAY@ Lotus Sound bar HOUSE@ thirtyninehotel w/ DJs Haboh, Grady Gillan I DELIVER ENT.@ The Living Room JET BOY, JET GIRL (indie rock) @ Mercury Bar ROW BAR@ Doraku Sushi THE SPEAKEASY@ Hush Boutique Nightclub Lounge SURF INTO SPRING@ Level 4

Contra Dance Whiskey Starship plays swing-your-partner Irish jigs and reels . All types of dances are taught. Kapi 'olani Community College Chapel, 4303 Diamond Head Road.: Sat 3/21, (7:30PM.) $7 donation. Students are free. 392-8774 'i'Diana Krall (See Hot Picks, page 8.) Tickets available at the Blaisdell Box Office, at www.ticketmaster.com or by calling 1 (877) 750-4400. Blaisdell Concert Hall, 777 Ward Ave.: Thursday 3/19 & Friday 3/20, (8PM.) $45-$125. 591-2211 Do It Til You're Satisfied "A slight hedonis­tic comeback" of the '70s and '80s for your pau hana pleasure. You can do it 'til you're satisfied until the next Do It Til You're Satisfied. All conducted by DJ Nocturna. Indigo, 1121 Nu'uanu Ave.: Fourth Tuesdays; 3/24, (4-8PM.) Free. 521-2900 Don Carlos The gray-bearded Jamaican reggae singer and composer from Black Uhuru makes home in Honolulu. Part of the reggae spring break bash. Visit www.pipelinecafehawaii .com. Pipe­line Cafe, 805 Pohukaina St.: Fri 3/20. 589-1999 'i'Girls Gone WIid at 2Live Crew (See Hot Picks, page 8.) Fashion 45, 2nd Floor Waikiki Trade Center: Sat 3/21, (8PM.) $30-$100. 949-2945 Melepalooza The first event of its kind will feature two stages with a long line-up of local bands, ranging from roots to rock to hip-hop. Tickets available at Easy Music Center. And look for the half-naked girls on the flier. Visit www.myspace.com/ battleaxeproductions. Pipeline Cafe, 805 Pohukaina St.: Tue 3/24, (5PM-12AM.) $20.16+.589-1999 Pacific Basin Music Festival Bringing together talented youth from countries of the Pacific Basin and beyond for an international musical celebration. Visit www.world-projects.com for more infor­mation. Ala Moana Center Stage, 1450 Ala Moana Blvd.: Sat 3/21 & Sun 3/22, (12-4:45PM.) Free. hawaiitheatre.com, 528-0506

THIRSTYTHURSDAYS (hip-hop) (house) (trance) @ Zanzabar THREE DOLLARTHURSDAY@4 Play THROWBACK THIRST DAZE (r&b) (hip-hop) @ Lotus Soundbar w/ DJ Lava THROWBACK THURSDAYS@ Hush Boutique Nightclub Lounge WASTED@V Lounge w/ DJ Eskae

FRIDAY, MARCH 20 THE CANDY BAR@ Pearl Ultralounge w/ DJs Compose, Eskae, Jami THE CORNER @ Visions Nightclub w/ DJ Check-one, Slant, City ill, Sho CHEMISSTRY@ Cafe Sistina CUBAN SALSA DANCE JAM@ Dream to Dance DJ RACER-X (5PM) KSM (9PM) @ Hula's Bar & Lei Stand FLARE@ (W's w/ DJ Kuczmaster Spaz FLASHBACK FRIDAYS @The House of Fortune FRIDAY NIGHTS@ Fashion 45 FRIDAYS@ Lulu's w/ DJs Gary 0, Sub 0 THE GENDER BENDERS@ Fusion Waikiki THE HAPPY FRIDAYS (rock) @(W's 5-9PM HEAT (hip-hop) (reggae) (island jams)@ Don Ho's w/ DJ Hong LIMELIGHT (hip-hop) (r&b) ('80s) @The Living Room at Fisherman's Wharf MODULAR@ Lotus Soundbar NU DISKO (electronic dance party) @ The Spot (all ages, no alcohol) THE PEACH@ Level 4 (10:30PM) w/ DJs Anit, XL, Lostboy, Delve1der PINK TIKI (hip-hop) @ Tiki's Grill & Bar w/DJ Matty Liu DJ RUDE DOGG, DJ MASTER MIND (hip­hop) (reggae) (R&B) (Top 40)@ Fashion 45 SALSA @ Boardriders SHANGRI LA@ Hush Boutique Nightclub lounge SINSUAL FRIDAY@ Zanzabar SKYE SUSHI LOUNGE@ Aaron's atop the Ala Moana Hotel SMOOTH JAZZ NIGHTS@ level 4 (8-10PM) SONNY SILVA'S HULAVILLE (gypsy jazz) @ Cafe Che Pasta THE STARTER@ V Lounge w/ DJ Durtie Rice SUPERFRIENDS SPRING BREAK MASSIVE @The O lounge w/ United DJs, Nu Disko WONDERLOUNGE@ The Lotus at Diamond Head w/ DJ Quentin,). Period, K-Salaam WONDERFUL (downcempo) (mash-up) ('80s) @ Zanzabar w/ DJs Ryan-Sean, Mike D

SATURDAY, MARCH 21 BROKEN LIQUID@ Bar 35 w/ DJ Saya, Toki, Monkey, Victor J CONTURE SATURDAYS@ level 4 (10PM)

Pickin' in the Park Moonshiners in the house. Bring lawn chairs and a picnic if you want to listen and an instrument if you want to play in this acoustic jam ses­sion of bluegrass, newgrass, mountain, roots, traditional country, Hawaiian, Americana, folk, Western, Celtic and Irish music. Wahiawii Botanical Garden, 1396 California Ave.: Sun 3/22, (11AM- 4PM.) www.bluegrasshawaii.com, 206-3459 Speakeasy: Cherry Blossom Cabaret The nee-burlesque event's theme is Gods and Goddesses. Wear your best. And don't forget the live auditions! E-mail cherry­blossomcabaret@gmail.com. Mercury Bar, 1154 Fort Street Mall: Every Third Sat of every other month; 3/21, (9PM-2AM.) $10; $8 in costume. 537-3080 Spring Broke Tahiti Heavywater magazine, Hinano and Ma'ohi Nui sponsor this par­ty intended to benefit the Hawai'i Deaf Surfrider Foundation. The Waterfront, Aloha Tower Marketplace: Sat 3/21, (6PM-2AM.) $20 pre-sale. waterfron­taloha.com, 545-5900

Upcoming Events The Alison Brown Quartet with Joe Craven Utilizing a blend of jazz, bluegrass, Lat­in and folk music, the quartet takes the banjo where it hasn't gone before. All the while pickin' and grinnin'. Paliku Theatre, Windward Community College: Fri 4/ 3, (7:30PM.) $15-$25. www.etickethawaii. com, 235-7433 Bad Religion On tour after having put out 14 albums, the punk revivalist band can be either blamed or lauded for inspiring pop-punk. Visit www.ticketmaster.com or call (800) 745-3000. Pipeline Cafe, 805 Pohukaina St.: Thu 4/9, (7PM.) $30 gen­eral; $75 VIP. 589-1999 Craig Shoemaker The comedian was in Scream 2 and he knows Magic Johnson. What a resume. OK, OK, and he's also the founder of Laughter Heals, an organiza­tion dedicated using laughter to cheer up sick and injured people. Visit www.ticket­master.com or call (877) 750-4400. Pipe­line Cafe, 805 Pohukaina St.: Wed 3/25, (8PM.) $20 general; $40 VIP. 589-1999

ldle's hands Long before the advent of Serato,

DJ Idle was doing his thing, the hip­hop way.

His passion and inspiration for DJing was discovered the first time he saw a DJ scratch a record in a video.

u1 was so intrigued by the sound of the scratch and intricate cuts, that I was hooked as soon as my fingers touched the vinyl and cross fader," he said. "From then on I fell in love with the different styles of scratching."

His infatuation with hip-hop's most essential element was one of such devotion; rocking the clubs was never on his radar. In fact it wasn't until 10 years after the first witness­ing of that video that he learned to mix.

Fast-forward to clubland, 2009 and your eyes and ears will discover the scratchaholic's knack for keeping the dance floor active and sounds from the decks always in effect.

DJ Mr. Nick@ Mercury Bar DJ RACER-X@ Hula's Bar and Lei Stand DJ ROD el MORENO (Salsa)@ Dream to Dance DRAGONFLY@the Lotus at Diamond Head EMPIRE SATURDAYS (hip-hop)@ Lotus Soundbar ENERGIZED@ The Shop FLASHBACK SATURDAYS ('70s-now)@ Rumours Nightclub, Ala Moana Hotel w/ DJSho GRAVY@ Chai's Island Bistro w/ DJs lostboy, Technique, Delve XL HOUSE OF RA@ Zanzabar I-DELIVER ENT@ Just One w/ DJ Phil MAD HATTER & STYLISH T@ Aaron's MONKEY BAR@ Ciao Mein MY EVOLUTION SATURDAYS@ Fashion 45 PAPERDOLL REVUE @ Fusion Waikiki PURE@ Aaron's, atop the Ala Moana Hotel

Elixir of Love Nocturna's fanciest party of the year. With friend guests Modboy and Mr. Nick, Venetian food, fine wine, music, dancing, performances, magic and revelry. A portion of proceeds ben­efits the AHA's Go Red for Women Initia­tive. Tickets available at The Wine Stop, HASR Wine Co. and The Mystic Eye. Or e-mail john-fujimoto@aperitifhawaii. com or feast@hawaii.rr.com. Diamond Head Grill, The Lotus at Diamond Head, 2nd floor, 2885 KalakauaAve.: Sat 3/28, (6PM-1AM.) $125.

Rise Against The 10-year-old punk band will be Chicagoans 'til Chicago ends, 'til they blow lilce Chicago wind. www.ticket­master.com. Pipeline Cafe, 805 Pohukaina St.: Fri4/10, (8PM.) $25-$50. 589-1999 Sheryl Crow Every day is a winding road ... to the ticket office. www.ticketmaster.com, (877) 745-3000. Waikiki Shell. Sat 4/25, (7PM.) $35-$65 reserved. 545-4000

Theater 6 Dance The Eroica Symphony The Third swept

away conventional ideas of what a sym­phony should be. Part of the Symphony's Beethoven Festival. Visit www.honolu­lusymphony.com or call 792-2000. Blais­dell Concert Hall, 777 Ward Ave.: Sat 3/28, (8PM.) $21-$74. 591-2211 Honolulu Brass Quintet Chamber Music Hawaii 's HBQ presents concerti by Locklock, Scarlatti, Brahms and more. Mon 4/6, Doris Duke Theatre; Mon 4/13, Paliku Theatre, (7:30PM.) $20 general; $15 seniors; free for K-12 students. Journey The Big Island show sold out in two hours. See how fast you can get to the concerts on this rock. www.ticketmaster. com, (800) 745-3000. Blaisdell Arena, 777 Ward Ave.: Wed 3/25, Thu 3/26, Sat 3/28, (7:30PM.) $55-$75. 591-2211 Lil Wayne Lil Wayne is actually 26 years old, and thus not that little. But the block will still be hot, anyway. Visit www.tick­etmaster.com or call (877) 750-4400. Blaisdell Arena, 777 Ward Ave.: Sat 4/4, (7:30PM.) $59.75-$125.75. 591-2211 Peabody Trio The award-winning trio of violin, cello and piano come together. Visit www.honoluluacademy.org. Doris Duke Theatre, Honolulu Academy of Arts, 900 S. Beretania St.: Thu 3/26, (7:30PM.) $20-$35. 532-8768 Rick Overton Overton plays Pam's dad on The Office. That alone is probably enough to get you to see him live. Visit www.tick­etmaster.com or call (877) 750-4400 Pipeline Cafe, 805 Pohukaina St.: Sat 4/18, (8PM.) $18-$25 general; $36-$45 VIP. 589-1999

You can thank hip-hop culture for that. -Kalani Wilhelm

Dream Lounge, Tsukiji Fish Market and Restaurant, 1450 Ala Moana Blvd., 4th Floor Ala Moana Center, Fridays 10PM-2AM, 21+, 237-5444

REFRESH (hip-hop) @Cafe Che Pasta w/ DJ Lava RICE CRACKER@ Chai's Island Bistro DJ RUDE DOGG, DJ MASTER MIND (hip­hop) (reggae) (R&B) (Top 40)@ Da Big Kahuna SATURDAYS@ Level 4 (10:30PM) SATURDAY NIGHTS (hip-hop) (mashup) (house)@ Play Bar Waikiki SHAAAKE & POP@ thirtyninehotel w/ DJs Delve, Jami, SS$olution, Compose

Footloose Kick offyour ... shoes.www.hono­luluboxoffice.com, 550-8457. Mamiya The­atre, 3142 Wai'alae Ave.: Through 3/22. Fri & Sat 7:30PM; Sun 2PM. $18-$22. 'i'Gypsy (See Hot Picks, page 9.) Visit dia­mondheadtheatre.com or call 733-0247. Diamond Head Theatre, 520 Makapu'u Dr.: Runs3/ 20-4/5. $12-$42. 733-0274 Into the Woods Over the river and you know where. Not just a musical, but a quest to promote literacy in Hawai'i. www.packa­polei.org, 258-7313 for ticket info. Per­forming Arts Center of Kapolei, 91-5007 Kapolei Parkway: Through 3/28. $6. MusubiMan The running rice snack (based on the The Gingerbread Man) returns for the little ones, from Honolulu Theatre for Youth. www.htyweb.org. St. Andrew's Cathedral, Queen Emma Square: Satur­days through 3/ 21, (9:30 & ll:3 0AM.) $16 adults; $8 kids. 839-9885 eSleeping Beauty: The Musical (See Hot Picks, page 8.) Hawaii Theatre, 1130 Bethel St.: Sat 3/21, 7PM; Sun 3/22, 2PM. $9-$12. hawaiitheatre.com, 528-0506 'i'Tuesdays W'lth Morrie (See Hot Picks, page 9.) Miinoa Valley Theatre, 2833 East Manoa Rd.: Runs 3/ 18-4/5. Wed & Thu 7:30PM; Fri & Sat, 8PM; Sun 4PM. $25-$30. manoa­valleytheatre.com, 988-6131 'i'What Ever Happened to John Boy Kihano? Susan Stanton's play about a local fam­ily dealing with the disapperance of their son. Kumu Kahua Theatre, 46 Merchant St.: Thu-Sat, 8PM; Sun 2PM. Through 4/11. $5-$13. kumukahua.org, 536-4441

SUNDAY, MARCH 22 BEACH PARTY BLAST@ Hula's Bar and lei Stand (5PM) w/ DJ KSM DOUBLE DOUBLE SUNDAYS@ Hula's Bar and lei Stand (9PM) w/ DJ Racer-X GO HARD@ V Lounge w/ DJ Eskae LOUNGE HOURS (hip-hop) (downtempo) (house) @ lotus Soundbar PALLADIUM NITES (Latin) @ 0 lounge w/ DJs Don Armando & Cube DJ SHO@ Red Lion SIZZLING SUNDAYS (dance contest) @ Zanzabar w/ DJ Mike D SOUL FOOD SUNDAY@Just One SUNDAY NIGHT SOCIAL (acid jau) (deep house) (f?rogressive house)@ Da Big Kahuna w/ DJ Miki Mixtup SUNDAYSALSA@4 Play SWITCH@V Lounge w/ DJ Durtie Rice

MONDAY, MARCH 23 BEACH PARTY MONDAYS@ Zanzabar FLASHBAXXX (retro)@ Hula's Bar and lei Stand FLIRT MONDAYS INDUSTRY NIGHT@ locus Soundbar w/ DJ Disobayish LATIN CARRIBEAN HOTSPOT@ Play Bar LIVEWIRE/SHOCK MONDAYS@ Xyloh LOLLIPOP@ The O lounge LOUNGE HOURS (hip-hop) (downtempo) (house) @ lotus Soundbar MELLOW MONDAZE@ Pipeline

TUESDAY, MARCH 24 CHILL ('80s) ('90s) @ Pipeline w/ DJ Mikie D EYE CANDY@ Hula's Bar and Lei Stand w/ VJ Racer-X DJ FREQ @ Anna Bannana's HOT LATINTUESDAYS@Zanzabar w/ DJs Ray Cruz, Rod Moreno, Mano Lopez HUSH HUSH TUESDAY (house) (trance) (breaks)@ Hush Boutique Nightclub Lounge l'M WITH THATTUESDAYS@ The Low End Theory Bar (Living Room) w/ DJs Compose, Solution, Jules, Delve1 KALEIDOSCOPE (indie rock)@ thirtyninehotel w/DJ Ross Jackson MIDNIGHT JUNKIES@ Just One/ DJ G RENDEZVOUS @ Bar 35

SMOOTH@ V lounge w/ DJ Sub Zero SMOOTH JAZZ NIGHTS@ level 4 (7-10PM) SPEAKEASY (house) (downtempo) (progressive)@ The Living Room at f'isherman's Wharf

TABOO LOUNGE HOURS (brazilian) (latin) (Top 40) @ Lotus Soundbar w/ DJ Jonathan

SURF SHACK SATURDAYS (rock) (reggae) (rap) The Shack Waikiki SWAGGER SATURDAYS@ The living Room WI Zack Morse, Compose,Jattee TASTE@Aaron's Atop the Ala Moana Hotel w/ DJ Ryan Sean

TRASH@ V Lounge w/ DJ Durtie Rice TUESDAYS@ The O Lounge w/ DJs Betty, MikeD

Promoters, get your event 'listed in Spin'Zone! E-mail de­tails two weeks in advance to Spin'Zone@honoluluweekly.com

www.honoluluweekly.com !I March 18-24, 2009 • Honolulu Weekly 11

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Tuesday 6AM Noon 6PM

Moon Phases: LAST QUARTER-Mar 18 NfWMOON·Mar 16 FIRSTQUARTrR·Apr l FULLMOON-Apr9

Auditions Art Song Festival The annual song festival is open for singers of all ages. 5/15 is the deadline for recorded competition entries. dengar@hawaii.rr.com, 955-8821. Dead­line is 4/15. $25 registration fee.

Upcoming Theater & Dance Defending the Caveman The longest-run­ning solo show on Broadway brings the rnen-are-frorn-Mars-wornen-are-frorn­Venus arguments to light by insights from comedian Rob Becker. Hawaii Theatre, 1130 Bethel St.: Runs Tue 3/31-Sun 4/5. $26-$41. hawaiitheatre.corn, 528-0506 Divine PerfonningArts Be dazzled by classi­cal Chinese dance and music. Visit divine­shows. corn. Blaisdell Concert Hall, 777 Ward Ave.: Mon 3/30, 7:30PM; Tue 3/31, 2PM & 7:30PM. $38-$118. 591-2211 Drama Competition Amateur actors ages 18 -29 are invited to compete. Visit arts­nsal.org. Sun 3/29, (lOAM.) The Glass Menagerie Tennessee Williams' well-known story comes to life. A wil­lowy young lady, a dreamer of a son, a gentleman caller and a Southern mother in a Midwestern craphole. HPU Paul and Vi Loo Theatre, Hawai'i Pacific Univer­sity Hawai'i Loa campus: Show runs Fri 4/3-Sun 5/3. Thu, 7:30PM; Fri & Sat, 8PM; Sundays, 4PM. $3-$20. 375-1282 The King and I Students getting to know you. With their special presentation of the Rodgers and Hammerstein classic. www.punahou.edu/theatre/productions, 943-3295. Dillingham Hall, 1601 Punahou St.: Fri 4/10, Sat 4/11, Thu 4/16-Sat 4/18, (7:30PM.) $5-$10. 943-3673

Museums Bishop Museum 1525 Bernice St. Open daily 9AM-5PM. $15.95 adults; $12.95 ages 4-12; under 4 free. bishoprnuseurn. org, 847-3511

Animation Science, math and technol­ogy come to life in the visually rich world of animation. Explore animation history, complete with a screening room and car­toon museum. Through 5/10.

'Iii Iho: The Surface Within A rare kapa cloth, a famous rnakaloa mat and a feathered cloak are among the museum's treasures shown in conjunction with the Textile Society of America's symposium. Through 4/5.

The Sky Tonight An hour-long tour of the night sky in the Waturnull Planetari­um at Bishop Museum. Presented by the Hawaiian Astronomical Society, the audi­enLe gets an overview of the planets, stars and special astronomy happenings for the month to come. Following the sky talk, the group is invited to Bishop Museum's observatory to peek through 12.5 inch telescope. First and third Fridays, 8PM. The Contemporary Museum 2411 Makiki Heights Dr. Open Tue-Sat, 10AM-4PM; Sun, noon-4PM. $8 adults; $6 students/ seniors (free on third Thursdays). tcrnhi. org, 526-1322

20 Going on 21: Honoring the Past, Celebrating the Present, Looking to the Future An exhibition of Hawai'i artists. Runs 3/21-6/21. Preview Day on Fri 3/20, 10AM-4PM.

Free Admission Twenty-somethings get in for free from through September in celebration of the museum's 20th anniversary. The Contemporary Cafe 2411 Maki.ki. Heights Dr. Tue-Sat, ll:30AM-2:30PM; Sun, noon-2:30PM. 526-1322 The Contemporary Museum at First Hawaiian Center 999 Bishop St. Open Mon-Thu, 8:30AM-4PM; Fri, 8:30AM-6PM. Validat­ed parking available; enter on Merchant St. 526-1322 Hawai'i State Art Museum No. 1 Capitol District Building, 250 S. Hotel St., 2nd Fl. Open Tue-Sat, 10AM-4PM. Free. 586-0900

Accession: Recent Acquisitions from the Art in Public Places Collection High­lights work collected by the Hawai'i State Foundation on Culture and the Arts. Through 7/18.

12 Honolulu Weekly • March 18-24, 2009 • www.honoluluweekly.com

Honolulu Academy of Arts 900 S. Beretania St. Tue-Sat, 10AM-4:30PM; Sun, l-5PM. $5-$10; free ages 12 & under & members. www.honoluluacaderny.org, 532-8700

All About Art: Textiles Visitors create textile-related art projects through 8/9.

African Art from the Academy's Col­lection The museum brings out rare pieces and ones that have influenced artists such as Picasso. Through 5/31.

Capturing the Spirit: Kabuki Story Prints by Katsukawa Shunso Katsuka­wa Shunsho, well-known as the teacher of famed woodblock-print artists Katu­shika Hokusai, was a pioneer in the pro­duction of multicolor woodblock prints of Kabuki actors. See the dramatic poses and balanced compositions at the Acad­emy-they are unparalleled in the history of the Kabuki print genre. Through 3/29.

Decades of Abstraction A survey of Abstract Expressionism that includes Robert Rauschenberg and Lee Bontecou. Through 10/18.

Nature, Dreams & Fantasy: Modern Japanese Creative Prints of the Post­War Period A departure from traditional woodblock prints, the dream-like mod­em prints were a visual escape for those who bore psychological scars from the effects of World War II. Through 3/29. Academy Art Center at Unekona 1111 Victoria St. Tue-Sat, 10AM-4:30PM; Sun, l-5PM. Free. honoluluacaderny.org, 532-8741

Variations: Print Exchange of Artists From Hawai'i, Germany, Holland and Swe­den 24 prints arranged to create a con­tinuous relief composite print made up of works by six artists. Runs 3/20-4/6. 'lolani Palace The the only official resi­dence of royalty in the United States. King Kalakaua built the palace in 1882 to enhance the prestige of Hawai'i overseas and to mark Hawai'i's status as a modern nation. Corner of King & Richards Sts.: Guided tours: Tue-Sat, 9-11:15AM, $20 adults, $15 karna'aina, $5 children. Tue­Sat, 9AM-4:30PM. $6 adults; $3 kids. Free admission to island residents with ID on Karna'aina Sundays (first Sundays). iolanipalace.org, 522-0832

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • THE SCENE

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Mission Houses Museum Step into 19th cen­tury Hawai'i when you visit the original homes of the first missionaries to the Islands. Learn about the challenges they faced, the struggles they endured and the legacies they left behind, such as the development of a written language, the printing of books in the Hawaiian !an -guage and Western-style schools . 533 S. King St. Open Tue-Sat, 10AM-4PM; closed Sun. Tours available at 11AM & 2:45PM. $6-$10; 50 percent karna'aina discount on last Saturday of each month. rnissionhouses.org, 531-0481

Alphabet Soup: Literacy, Language and Learning Explore the history of the written Hawaiian language by the first Congregationalist missionaries in Hawai'i, the variety of about, by and for Hawai'i and an alphabetical introduction to the museum's material culture collec­tion in both English and Hawaiian. Runs Through 6/13. Pacific Aviation Museum Historical artifacts and aircrafts-including a Japanese Zero fighter and Navy Wildcat-tell heroic stories of military aviation during WWII. Pearl Harbor, Hanger 37, Ford Island, 319 Lexington Blvd.: $14 general ($10 karna'aina); $7 children ($5 karna'aina). pacificaviationrnuseurn.org, 441-1000

Hangar Talks The third Sunday of each month features aviation authors, pilots and WWII veterans guest lecturing.

The Biggest Little Airshow on Ford Island See an F-14 Tomcat fighter plane up close. The Birds of Paradise put on a spectacular air show. Bring your cam­eras. Sat 3/21, 10AM-4PM. Queen Emma Summer Palace Revel in Hawai­ian history and American architecture from the Victorian period. 2913 Pali Hwy.: Daily, 9AM-4PM. $1-$6. www.daughter­sofhawaii.org, 595-6291

Galleries Opening Corrine Gallardo and Friends Featuring the work of Corrine Gallardo, Mau­rice Hutchinson, Anita Benson, Julie McIntyre, Lauren Achitoff and Tomas De!Alrno. Through 4/24. Cafe Che Pasta, 1001 Bishop St.: 271-1344 Frank Oliva Paintings influenced by trav­els to Australia. Runs 3/23-5/31. Morn­ing Brew, 600 Kailua Rd.: 754-1274 The Space In Between Painting, sculp­ture and sound video installation. Runs 3/18-4/17. Opening reception Wed 3/18, 4:30-7PM. Koa Art Gallery, Kapi 'olani Community College, 4303 Diamond Head Rd.: 734-9374 Splendors of lkebana The annual exhibition sponsored by the Ikebana International Honoluul Chapter 56 and the Mayor's Office of Culture and the Arts. Runs 3/23-3/27. Ikebana demonstrations on Tue 3/24 & Thu 3/26, 10AM. Honolulu Hale Courtyard, 530 S. King St.: 768-6622

Continuing 3 for 3 Show Through 3/20. The Associa­tion ofHawai'iArtists Gallery, Honolulu Country Club, 1690 Ala Puurnalu St.: 395-3238 3rd Annual All Things Hawaiian Exhibition Through 3/19.1132 Bishop St.: 398-1863 10th International Shoebox Sculpture Exhibi­tion Through 4/9. University of Hawai'iArt Gallery, 2535 McCarthy Mall: 956-6888 30 Years of Kahiko Reception Thu 3/20, 5-8PM. Kim Taylor Reece Gallery, 1142 Bethel St.: 546-1144 Aaron Padilla, Karen WoHe. Through 3/31. town, 3435 Wai'alae Ave.: 735-5900 Abraham Lincoln: A Man of His Time, A Man For All Times A new national traveling exhibi­tion. Through 4/4. Hawai'i State Library, 478 S. King St.: 586-3617 Annual Exhibition of Works by Students, Fac­ulty and Staff Through 4/24. Hawai'i Padfic University Art Gallery, HPU Hawai'i Loa Campus, 45-045 Kamehameha Hwy.: 236-5853 Artistry in Fabric Through 4/3.ArtofVision Gallery, 1600 Kapi'olani Blvd.: 946-6000 At Work in the Egg Fields Through 4/26. thir­tyninehotel, 39 N. Hotel St.: 599-2552 Bea Original Through 5/15. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. 108 Hekili St.: 262-7344

Bethel Street Gallery Ongoing. Bethel Street Gallery, 1140 Bethel St,: 524-3552 Dialogues of Abstraction Through 4/3. Japanese Cultural Cente! ofHawai'i, 2454 S. Beretania St.: 945-7633 Edward Sawada Botanical and landscape photographs of Hawai'i. Through 6/14. Ho'omaluhia Botanical Garden, 45-680 Luluku Rd.: 522-7060 Having Fun with My Friends and Family Through 4/30. Hawai'i Convention Cen­ter, 1801 KalakauaAve.: 943-3500 'lta 'Upa'upa Resources on Tahiti and performance practices. Through 4/28. Hamilton Library, UH-Manoa Campus: 217-5269 Third Fridays at Han's Gallery Highlighting photography by Greg Heller, along with music and dance. Han's Gallery, Koko Marina Center, Ste. E205.: 396-9775 Mango in March Australian artist Anna Mango displays her new work. Through 3/31. 808 Gallery and Real Estate, 1145 Bethel St.: 688-8117 Mirror & Mirage: Japanese Noh and Kycigen Theater Demonstrations Sundays through 3/22, 2PM. East-West Center Gallery, 1601 East-West Rd.: 944-7584 The Open Show Through 4/25.Association of Hawai'iArtists Gallery, Honolulu Country Club, 1690 Ala Puurnalu St.: 395-3238 Pan-Pacific Nation Through 3/28. Tour and talk Thu 3/19, 5:30-8PM. The ARTS at Marks Garage, 1159 Nu'.uanu Ave.: 521-2903 Point-Counterpoint Through 4/18. Peg­ge Hopper Gallery, 1164 Nu'uanu Ave.: 524-1160 Precious Through 3/20. Fishcake Gallery, 307C Karnani St.: 593-1231 Sabrina Stevens: Fish out of Water Abstract art in mixed media. Through 3/26. Gallery on the Pali, The First Unitarian Church on Honolulu, 2500 Pali Hwy.: 595-4047 Survey of Digital Imagery Through 3/30. Canon Photo Gallery, Ward Plaza, 210 Ward Ave.: 522-5930 Tau Rima Tahiti: Crafting Perfonnance Show­cases craft artists and artifacts of 'ori Tahiti. Through 4/28. Hamilton Library, UH-Manoa Campus: 217-5269 Time & Place: Inspired by the Manoa Heri­tage Center Through 4/27. Sub-Zero/Wolf Showroom, 938 Pi'ikoi St.: 597-1647

Call To Artists 2009 Hawai1Artists Exhibition Both two- and three-dimensional artwork will be accept­ed. Bethel Street Gallery, 1140 Bethel St.: Deadline for e-mail subrnissons is Wed 4/8, 6PM. $25 for first three submissions. $5 each additional submission. www. bethelstreetgallery.corn, 524-3552 E Ola Pono Art Competition The 2009 Hawai'i Civil Rights Commission's con­test for students in grades 4-12 asks for art with the theme of pono (to live with respect for everyone and in harmony with everything) in mind. Visit www. hawaii.gov/labor/hcrc or call 479-1431. Deadline Wed 3/25, (8:30PM.)

Words Friends of Peart City Library Hard cover non­fiction at 75 cents each. Pearl City Public Library, 1138 Wairnano Horne Rd.: Sun 3/22, (10AM-3PM.) 453-6566 'i'lslands Linked by Ocean (See Hot Picks, page 8.) Campus Center Ballroom, UH­Manoa: Thu 3/19, (7PM.) Free. Shakespeare on Sunday The bard aficiona­dos read King Henry IV; Part 2. Read along or just listen in. Call 394-5317.Academy of Film & Television, 1174 Wairnanu St., Suite A: Sun 3/22, (7PM.) Writing Retreat Meet and write with oth­ers. Bring writing materials, a lunch and a coffee mug. 16 and up. Windward Com­munity College, 45-720 Ke'ahala Rd.: Sat 3/21, (9:30AM-2PM.) $5. 235-7433

Call to Authors Celebration ofYoung Writers Students in grades K-12 are invited to submit their writings for prizes. Visit poeticpower. corn. Poetry deadline is 4/14. Kaimana The Hawai'i Literary Coun­cil accepts submissions of fiction and poetry. Send work or inquiries to hlac­subrnissions@grnail.com. Deadline is end of April.

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Lorin Tarr Gill Biennial Writing Competition Submit poetry, fiction or non-fiction. You may submit one manuscript in each category. Send with entry fee for each submission to: Nancy Alpert Mower, 1536 Kamole St., Honolulu, HI, 968221. Visit www.nlapwhonolulu.org for more information.

Learning An African American's Personal Views on Abra· ham Lincoln Usually we don't care what

· random people think, but this personal view so happens to be from Dr. Miles Jackson from UH-Manoa. Hawai'i State Public Library, 478 S. King St.: Sat 3/21, (llAM.) Free. 586-3500 Art of the Warrior Manny Mattos, a mas­ter in the art of traditional Hawaiian weapons, will share his art. Kapolei Pub­lic Library, 1020 Manawai St.: Sat 3/21, (llAM.) Free. 693-7050

1 EARTH TALK~

Bring Your Own-Paper Crafts Bring your own materials and learn how to make anything from cards to home decor to altered items. Paper on. Kalihi-Ptilama Library, 1325 Kalihi St.: Fourth Satur­days; 3/28, (9AM-4PM.) Free. Building a Local Business Network Claire Sullivan, former manager of Maui Land & Pineapple Company's reserach and development department, speaks on commitment to creating an environmen­tally, economically and socially vibrant future for Hawai'i. Visit www.hscp.org. Hawai'i Prince Hotel, 100 Holomoana St.: Thu 3/19, (11:30AM.) $37-$43. Cancer Research Information Day Presenta­tions on cancer and cancer-related top­ics are given throughout the day, with informational booths and clinical trials participation. E-mail infoday@bright­lightmarketing.com or call 275-3010. Japanese Cultural Center ofHawai'i, 2454 South Beretania St.: Sat 3/21, (9AM-3PM.) Free. jcch.com, 945-7633

Creative Uberationwith PeterShaindlin This photographer shares thoughts and tech­niques that photographers can apply to their creative ~fforts . UH-Manoa, 2500 Dole St.: Thu 3/19, (7PM.) Free. Digital Animation Academy In conjunction with the exhibit,Animation. Ages ages 12-16. E-mail trey.dodge@bishopmuseum. org or call 847-8296. Bishop Museum, 1525 Bernice St.: Mon 3/23-Fri 3/27, (8AM-12PM.) $150; $125 museum members. Digital Photography Workflow: From Shoot to Print Learn to shoot like a pro, as they say. Bring a 35 mm digital camera. WCC, 45-720 Ke'ahala Rd.: Sat 3/21 & 3/28, (lOAM.) $80 plus $5 lab fee. 235-7433 Economic Crisis in the Arts The current eco­nomic crisis' effects on local arts nonprof­its will be discussed by a panel of experts from major organizations, moderated by Bob Sandia, the host of HP R's The Business of the Arts. Atherton Performing Arts Studio, Hawai'i Public Radio, 738 Kaheka St.: Thu 3/19, (7PM.) Free. 955-8821

1115 young st. honolulu 808.593.8780 somacellfestyle.com

hour cost to two to three cents, making the charge much less costly.

Questions & Answers About Our Environment

And don't worry that we'll run out of elec­trical power: A 2005 study by the U.S. Depart­ment of Energy's Pacific Northwest National Laboratory estimated that three-quarters of the country's current small vehicle fleet could be charged by our existing electrical grid with­out building new power plants. (And if all those cars were replaced by PHEVs, it would elimi­nate the need for 6.5 billion barrels of oil per day, or 52 percent of current U.S. oil imports.)

Dear EarthTalk: If you have an electric or plug-in hybrid car, you're paying for electricity rather than gasoline all or most of the time. How does that cost compare to a gas-powered car's cost-per-mile? And since the electricity may be generated from some other polluting source, does it really work out to be better for the environment?

- Kevin DeMarco, Milford, Connecticut

Regarding environmental impact, charging up your car with electricity from the grid also wins handily over filling up at the gas station. In the

Google Analytics: How to Track What's Really GoingonwithYourSite SuperGeeks experts help you make sense of this crazy, cra­zy world. In the Carnation room, to be exact. 942-0773, www.supergeeks.net/ ht. Hawaiian Te/com, 1177 Bishop St.: Wed 3/18, (12PM.) Free. Hanauma Bay Education Program "Invasive Marine Invertabraes: An Underwater Investigation." Hanauma Bay Theater. Thu 3/19, (6:30PM.) Free. 397-5840 How to Play Piano by Ear Learn professionals' secrets to playing piano by ear. Hear songs on the radio then play your own rendition. Flo Rida will be yours. Oh yes, it will be yours. Basic understanding of chord theo­ry required. Windward Community College, 45-720 Ke'ahala Rd.: Thu 3/19, (5PM.) $45 plus $25 lab fee. 235-7433 Instant Piano for Hopelessly Busy People In half a day, learn enough tricks of the pia­no trade to jam on it. Windward Communi­ty College, 45-720 Ke'ahala Rd.: Wed 3/18, (5PM.) $45 plus $25 lab fee. 235-7433

Ma Ka '{Helo Hawai'i-Let's Speak Hawaiian The half-hour class will introduce one Hawaiian word per day, delving into hid­den meetings, uses in stories, songs and more. Visit www.waimeavalley.net or call 638-7766 to reserve your class spot. Waimea Valley. Daily, (10:30AM.) $3-$10 valley admission. 638-7766 The Meaning and Memory of Emancipation: Abraham Lincoln, Reflections on Race, Free· dom, and the Politics of Memory More Lin­coln craze. Presented by Professor David Blight, Professor of American History at Yale. E-mail zacks@hawaii.edu. UH­Mtinoa. Wed 3/18, (5:30PM.) Free. Memory Enhancement from Tai Chi Tap into your mind/body coordination. Windward Community College, 45-720 Ke'ahala Rd.: Fri3/20, (9:30AM.) $9. 235-7433 Michiko Kashu Kobachi:Japanese Calligraphy Workshop Bring ink, blotting cloth and newspaper. Academy Art Center, 1111 Victoria St.: Tue 3/24-Sun 3/29, (10AM-3PM.) $150. 532-8741

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Historic Waialua Sugar Mill, North Shore Oahu hawaiianbathbody.com (808) 637-8400

When you compare battery to gasoline power, electricity wins hands down. A 2007 study by the non-profit Electric Power Research Institute (EPRI) calculated that powering a plug-in hybrid electric vehicle (PHEV) would cost the equivalent of roughly 75 cents per gallon of gasoline-a price not seen at the pump for 30 years.

most comprehensive PHEV study to date, released in 2007 by EPRI and the non-profit Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC), results predict that all greenhouse gases will be re­duced as PHEVs begin to penetrate the car market. Estimated cumulative greenhouse gas reductions from 20 IO to 2050, depending upon how fast PHEVs take hold, range from 3.4 to 10.3 billion tons.

If you are looking to buy a hybrid or bio-diesel car in Ho­nolulu, Enviro Cars Hawai'i is more than willing to help you pick one. Enviro Cars Hawai'i is a company that specializes in greener cars. The group not only sells hybrids and bio-diesel cars but they also buy them. If you are interested in getting a vehicle from Enviro Cars Hawai'i, head to 98-021 Kame­hameha hwy, Suite 202 (parking on top level), Aiea, HI 9670 I. You can also reach them by phone (808)487-ECAR(3227) The calculation was made using an average cost of electricity

of 8.5 cents per kilowatt hour and the estimated distance the car would travel on one charge, versus a car that gets 25 miles per gallon and is powered by $3 per gallon gasoline. Change any of those variables and the relative costs change. For ex­ample, substituting a car that gets 50 miles per gallon doubles the comparative electrical cost (though it still works out much cheaper than gasoline). On the other hand, in some areas where wind or hydropower is wasted at night-just when the PHEV would be charging-the utility might drop the kilowatt

More than one half of our national energy grid is powered by coal, and in areas where PHEVs are charged through coal­provided electricity, says NRDC, there is the possibility of increased levels of soot and mercury emissions. However, charging up can be much less of a guilt-ridden affair where cleaner electrical sources like wind and solar are available. The website HybridCars.com points out that as more power plants are required to develop green power and emit fewer green­house gases, the environmental and health benefits will further increase.

CLICK HERE:

Electric Power Research lnstitute,epri.com;

Natural Resources Defense Council: nrdc.org

Enviro Cars Hawaii; envirocarshawaii.com/contact.html.

Lauraly Wade contributed to this report.

GOT AN ENVIRONMENTAL QUESTION? Send it to: EarthTalk, c/o E/The Environmental Magazine, P.O. Box 5098, Westport, CT 06881; submit it at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalk/thisweek/, or e-mail: earthtalk@emagazine.com. Read past columns at: www.emagazme.com/earthtalk/archives.php.

www.honoluluweekly.com • March 18-24, 2009 • Honolulu Weekly 13

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• THE SCENE

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Nuremberg and Beyond: The Memoirs of Sieg­fried Ramler, from 20th Century Europe to Hawai'i This brown bag seminar explores the life of this educator, author and founding direction of Punahou School's Wo International Center. E-mail bio· graph@hawaii.edu. Biography Cottage, East-West Rd, University of Hawai 'i -Manoa Campus: Thu 3/19, (12PM.) Free. Presentation Skills Workshop The Actors from the London Stage teach relevant improv and stage skills that make a killer presentation at work. E-mail christina@ loomis-isc.com or call 953-3053. ING Direct Cafe, 1958 KalakauaAve.: Wed 3/18, (3PM.) $30; $20 non-profit. 955-1435 'i'Surf Discussion Series This month fea­tures surflegend Rabbit Kekai, who is still active at age 89. Chinatown Board· room, 1160 Nu'uanu Ave.: Third Thurs­days; 3/19, (6:30PM.) Free. 585-7200 The Trends of Sustainable Buildings in Japan: An Introduction of Takenaka's Sustainable Buildings Light reception to follow in the couryard. Call 956-3469 for info. Archi­tecture Building Auditorium, UH-Manoa, 2410 Campus Rd.: Fri 3/20, (5PM.) Free. Women Taking the Lead to Save Our Planet Women's History Month sees a series of talks by local female community leaders. The final presentation of the month will feature Shanah Trevenna from the Sus­tainable Saunders project. Visit www.wcc. hawaii.edu/womenshistorymonth/2009/. Akoakoa, room 105, Windward Commu­nity College: Thu 3/19, (4:30PM.) Free.

Upcoming Classes Hawai'i Craftsmen's 'Aha Hana Lima Three days of workshops from master craft­ers. Visit www.hawaiicraftsmen.org for details. Fri 3/27-Sun 3/29, (9AM-4PM.) $150-$350. 532-8741

Keiki 6 'Ohana Bank of Hawai'i Sunday This month, enjoy "The Rhythm of Life," a family-friendly day of activities. Honolulu Academy of Arts, 900 S. Beretania St.: Third Sundays; 3/15, (11AM-5PM.) Free. 532-8700 Bishop Museum Family Sunday Food, games and entertainment. This month focuses on the special exhibit Animation. Bishop Museum, 1525 Bernice St.: Sun 3/22, (9AM-5PM.) $3 reduced admission for kama'aina and military; musuem mem­bers free; $12.95-$15.95 general. bish­opmuseum.org, 847-3511 Cerebral Palsy's Rubber Duckie Race Adopt a duck today for the annual race in the Ala Wai Canal. Pre-race fun includes children's games and entertainment. Rubber Duckie, you're the one! Hawai'i Convention Center, 1801 Kalakaua Ave.: Sat 3/21 (1:22PM, really.) www.ucpahi. org, 532-6744 Exploring the Reef at Night Wade up to your knees on a wet and wild excursion. Discov­er sea slugs, collector crabs, stars, ghost shrimp and more. Ages 5 & up. Waikiki Aquarium, 2777 KalakauaAve.: Wed 3/25, (7-9:30PM.) $8-$12. 923-9741 Keild Dance & Movement Keiki ages 1-5 are invited to learn how to do creative dance movement and other fun activities. Pearl City Public Library, 1138 Waimano Home Rd.: Wed 3/25, (9:30AM.) Free. 453-6566 Kid's Club Budding gardeners and those interested in recycling will create bucket gardens from recycled materials. In con­junction with Na Pualani Learning 'Gha­na School. Whole Foods, Kahala Mall, 4211 Wai 'alae Ave.: Sat 3/21, (lPM.) 738-0820 Monk Seal Overnight Spend the night with the monk seals! Minimum age 5 years. Night time refreshments and continen­tal breakfast included. Waikiki Aquarium, 2777 KalakauaAve.: Tue 3/24-Wed 3/25, (7PM-8AM.) $30 adult/$25 child; $35 adult/$30 child non-members. 923-9741 'Ohana Night Sponsored by the Hawai'i Ballroom Dance Association. Ala Wai Golf Course Palladium, 404 Kapahulu: Third Fridays, (6:30-9:45PM.) $3. 838-0900 Read to a Dog with Andrea O'Connor Because dogs love a good story like anyone and kids need to go to the library, where they can improve their reading skills and help the Intermountain Therapy Animals group. Sign up for a 30-minute session. Kailua Public Library, 239 Ku'ulei Rd.: Sat 3/21, (11 & ll:30AM.) Free. 266-9911

Botanical BotanyforGardeners Find the answers to many botanical mysteries, such as wheth­er plants can tell time and if they breathe. Foster Botanical Garden, 180 N. Vineyard Blvd.: Tue 3/24, (lOAM.) $3-$5. 522-7064 Bygone Days of Makiki Valley Experience demonstrations of natural history, amaz­ing sites and a short hike. Hawai'i Nature Center, Honolulu, 2131 Makiki Heights Dr.: Fourth Wed; 3/25, (2PM.) $10. 955-0100 Growing Green Woitshops: The Art of Compost Tea Part of a series celebrating the Interna­tional Year of Planet Earth. Call 956-7221 to reserve your spot. Olomana Gardens, 41-1140 Waikupanaha St., Waimanalo: Sun 3/22, (3PM.) $20. 259-0162 Introduction to Palms Identify palms as you take a walk through the palm collection. Lyon Arboretum, 3860 Manoa Rd.: Sat 3/ 21, (9:30AM.) $15. 988-0456 Medicinal Plants Tour the garden in a spe­cialty tour conducted by docent Wayne Wong. Reservations required. Call 522-7066. Foster Botanical Garden, 180 N. Vine­yard Blvd.: Sat 3/21, (lPM.) 522-7064 Oshiban (Pressed Flowers) Workshop with Edwin Cheung Learn this art form and its attunement to the cycles of nature. Acade­my Art Center, 1111 Victoria St.: Saturdays 3/ 21 & 3/28, (3PM.) $75. 532-8741 Pruning When, when not, what and where to prune. Ho'omaluhia Botanical Garden, 45-680 Luluku Rd., Kane'ohe: Thu 3/19, (9AM-10AM.) Free. 233-7323 Waimea Valley Walking Tours & Hawaiian Cul· tural Activities Choose from tours such as Native Plant, History, Wildllife and 'Alae 'Ula Interpretation, lei making, storytell­ing and more. Waimea Valley. Daily. lOAM, 11AM, 1PM & 2PM; Hours: 9AM-5PM. $10 general; $5 keiki ages 4-12/seniors; $6 kama'aina adult & military; $3 keiki/ seniors. waimeavalley.net, 638-7766

Hikes 6 Excursions Hawaiian Railway Choo-choo back through time on this narrated round-trip ride to Kahe Point. No reservations needed. 91-1001 Renton Rd., 'Ewa: Every Sun, (1 & 3PM.) $10 adults; $7 seniors/kids (ages 2 to 12). hawaiianrailway.com, 681-5461 Makiki Loop Trail Hike Climb the Maunalana Ridge, cross streams and learn why Maki­ki has some of the most varied tropical plant life in the Islands. A moderate 2.5 mile hike. Ages 10 and up. Hawai 'i Nature Center, Honolulu, 2131 Makiki Heights Dr.: First Wednesdays and Third Saturdays; 3/21, (lPM.) $10 per person. 955-0100 Moanalua The 10-mile hike takes you through forested glades, brooks and thick­ets up to the summit, where you'll eat and sip a glass or two and enjoy a camera-wor­thy view. 'Iolani Palace Grounds. Sun 3/22, (BAM.) $2 nonmembers. 422-1048 Mysteries of Honolulu/Ghost Tours/Histori· cal Tours Glenn Grant protege Lopaka Kapanui offers eight different tours exploring the rich history of Hono­lulu-some scarier than others. Visit www.mysteriesofhonolulu.com or call 699-4340. Star of Honolulu Premier Whale Watch Cruise If you don't see one you get a free tick­et to come back until you do. Join the crew in whale and cultural activities. Visit starofhonolulu.com or call 983-7827. Pier 8, Aloha Tower. Daily through 4/30, (12-2:30PM.) $39 general ($29.29 kama'aina/military); $23.50 kids ($17.65 w/Hawai'i I.D.). 922-1886 Uncle Steve's Honolulu Ghost Tour Take a one-and-a-half-hour walk to haunted sites and mystical places in downtown Honolulu and Chinatown. Visit steves­toursandfilms.vpweb.com or call 395-0674. Tuesdays, Thursdays & Saturdays, 7:30PM. Meet in the Capitol District.

Food 6 Drink BBQ for Those in the Service Industry Ban­quet servers and bartenders interested in discussing a class action lawsuit against hotels for illegally taking gratuitites are invited. 879-9356. Magic Island, Ala Moa­na Beach Park: Mon 3/23, (5-8PM.) Free.

14 Honolulu Weekly • March 18-24, 2009 • www.honoluluweekly.com

Cooking Revelations with Raul: Frutti di Mare The South American-born, French­trained gourmet chef teaches you how to prepare some seafood and spring vege­tables inspirations. The Green House, 224 Pakohana St.: Sat 3/21, (9AM-12PM.) $35. thegreenhousehawaii.com, 524-8427 Cooking with Chef Leslie Macrobiotic Chef Leslie Ashburn demonstrates how to cook using fresh, local and organic ingre­dients. Whole Foods, Kiihala Mall, 4211 Wai'alae Ave.: Thu 3/19, (6PM.) Free. 738-0820 Ecolounge This is what you get when you put action sports and sustainability together: a networking opportunity (x­treme!) with drinks, piipii, action sport video premeirs, eco fashion shows and more. Check out www.honuguide.com or www.nellamediagroup.com. Indigo, 1121 Nu'uanu Ave.: Third Thursdays; 3/19, (6PM.) 521-2900 How to Make Bread with Donette Tew This mother, storyteller and baker will share baking techniques. Participants encour­aged to bring bread recipes to share. Ages 5 and older. Kahuku Public Library, 56-490 Kamehameha Hwy.: Tue 3/24, (6:30PM.) Free. 293-8935 Kevin's Bayou Blues Windy weather got you down? Learn to make some soul-satis­fying Cajun and creole food with Chef Kevin. Call 734-9211. Kapi'olani Com­munity College, 4303 Diamond Head Rd.: Sat 3/21, (l-5PM.) $65. Korean Cooking Class Food pundit Walter Rhee will teach you how to make real Korean barbeque, rice cake soup, jun sauces, sashimi and more. Reservations required. Call 391-1550. Sat 3/21, (4-5:30PM.) $59. 233-5600 Raisin d'Etre Multi-course wine pairing dinner with Chef Scott Nelson. Seating limited, reservations required. Brasse­rie Du Vin, 1115 Bethel St.: Every Mon, (6:15PM.) $60-$70. 545-1115 Sauce Fran~aise Learn different ways of making your dishes saucier. And your­self, as well. Call 734-9211. Kapi'olani Community College, 4303 Diamond Head Rd.: Sat 3/21, (8AM-12PM.) $65. The Willows' Hops & Grinds: Spring Beer Festi­val Bolder, brighter beers are released in the spring from many brewing companies. Sonie of the ones featured in this month's event are Sierra Nevada Early Spring Beer and Deschutes Hop Henge Experimental IPA. With the Willows' well-known all­you-can-eat piipii buffet. The Willows, 901 Hausten St.: Fri 3/ 20, (5:30-8:30PM.) $25 advance; $30 door. 952-9200 Wine By Numbers This new wine shop offers different themed tastings each week. Wine By Numbers, 94-1235 Ka Uka Blvd., Unit B: Fridays 6-8PM; Saturdays 3-6PM. winebynumbers.com, 671-1120 Wines that Pair Well with Spicy Foods Pau Hana Wine Tasting helps you find that perfect wine to pair with your a-spizy meatza-ballzas. The Wine Stop, 1809 S. King St.: Fri 3/20, (5-8PM.) Free. www. thewinestophawaii.com, 946-3707 Wrath of Grapes Taste killer wines from a different presenter each week. Reserva­tions required. Du Vin, 1115 Bethel St.: Every Tue, (6PM.) $20 plus tax and gratu­ity. 521-2900

Whatevahs Anti-Statehood Rally For those who want to protest the 50th anniversasry of state­hood, meet outside the Capitol with alo­ha, black clothes and a hibiscus or other flower. No signs. Visit www.killstatehood. com. State Capitol. Wed 3/18, (12PM.) Anti-War March Protest on the 6th anni­versary of the start of the war. Gather at Atkinson and Ala Moana. March starts at 10AM. E-mail worldcantwaithawaii@ yahoo.com. Sat 3/21, (9:30AM-12PM.) (rafter's Clearance and Garage Sale All the classic goodies of a school sale-bargain prices and all. Proceeds benefit Castle High School Project Graduation. Castle High School, 45-386 Kane'ohe Bay Dr.: Sat 3/21, (8AM-2PM.) Dance into Spring A free-from Equinox Dance Celebration. No dance experi­ence necessary. Costumes encouraged. Visit www.esctaticdancehawaii.com or call 282-5151. St. Andrew's Priory, 224 Queen Emma Sq.: Sun 3/22, (7PM.) $10 donation.

'i'Lei Festival (See Hot Picks, page 9.) Don't crack any corny lei jokes and The R~ck won't spill your drinks on your lap. Twice. Honolulu Academy of Arts, 900 S. Beretania St.: Fri 3/20-Sun 3/22. Free. 532-8700 Na Kahu o Haloa A festival honoring the taro plant, mahi'ai and pa'i'ai through sharing of food, demonstrations, games, educational exhibits, recipes, art, hula and mele. Visit www.kahea.org or call 524-8220. State Capitol. Thu 3/19, (9AM-5PM.) NightMarket A new monthly event fea­turing made/grown-in-Hawai'i produce and products, live jazz, wine tasting, art, fashion and technology. E-mail info@ hawaiiredmagazine.com. Aloha Tower. Third Wednesdays; 3/18, {5-lOPM.) 21+. Ports of Call Celebrate the Honolulu Symphony and help reaise funds for its youth education and outreach programs with this black tie, evening gown and formal ethnic wear gala. Call 469-4144 or e-mail symphonyball@honolulusym­phony.com. Hawai'i Convention Center, 1801 KalakauaAve.: Sat 3/21, (5:30PM.) $300andup. 'i'Restoring the Bill of Rights Richardson School of Law, University of Hawai'i­Manoa: Wed 3/18, (12:45PM.) Free. Spring into Green Fair Meet the store's community partners and learn about opportunities to volunteer and give back to nature. Whole Foods, Kiihala Mall, 4211 Wai'alae Ave.: Sun 3/22, (11AM-3PM.) 738-0820 Third Thursday Busy on First Friday? Downtown venues are spreading the alo­ha and staying up late on Third Thursday. Participating galleries include the Pegge Hopper Gallery, Ong King and Bethel Street Gallery. Visit www.artsatmarks. com. (6-7PM.) Free.

Volunteer Arts and Crafts Group Leader Leader need­ed to teach sewing, crafts and other art projects to pregnant and newly delivered women. The PATH Clinic, 845 22nd Ave: Ongoing. 734-2034 Bike Path Clean-Up Island Triathlon & Bike is picking up trash, sweeping and removing weeds on the path by the Ala Wai Golf Course. Free shirt for helpers while supplies last! Third Saturday of every month; 3/21, (3PM .) ITBHawaii. com, 732-7227 Islands Hospice Direct patient support, special events, administrative assistant and more areas to be filled by hospice volunteers. Call 221-6649. Ongoing. Na Pohaku 'O Hauwahine Help restore the ethno-botanical and cultural features of this important historical state park. Visit ahahui.wordpress.com. Meet at the Kapa'a Quarry Road. 3rd Saturdays; 3/21, (8:30AM-12:30PM.) 593-0112 Second Saturday Volunteers Enthusiastic, outgoing people needed to help with the monthly events. Must have patience with children, flexibility and experience with hands-on arts and crafts. E-mail hisam2ndsaturday@gmail.com. Ongo­ing. 586-0900

Sports Adult Co-Ed Flag Football Play once a week in the Kaimuki/Palolo area. Visit 808sportsleagues.com for more info. Mondays & Tuesdays, (6:40 & 7:40PM.) $775 per team; $70 individual. Honolulu Lawn Bowls Club The Green is open for those who wish to try their hand at lawn bowling. Honolulu Lawn Bowls Club, Ala Moana Park, 'Ewa from McCoy Pavillion: Mondays, Wednes­days, Fridays, Saturdays, 9:30AM. 593-1108 Kallua Canoe Club Another paddling sea­son begins. Register during the week­end. Meet at the Kailua Canoe Club clubhouse at Kailua Beach. Visit www. kailuacanoeclub.com or e-mail info@ kailuacanoeclub.com. Sat 3/21 & Sun 3/22, (10AM-2PM.) Ultimate Frisbee The beginner's league offers ultimate fun and good exercise to boot. Meet at Palolo fields . Visit www. hawaiiultimate.com or e-mail hulaleague@ gmail.com. Saturdays, (7-9PM.) Free.

Neighbors Upcoming Neighborly Events Journey "Don't Stop Believin"' and "Lay It Down." And by that we mean lost of fist pumping. At the Waikoloa Bowl at Queens' Gardens on Big Island. Visit www.ticket­master.com or call (877) 750-4400. You'll probably have better luck on craigslist, though. Sun 3/29, (7PM.) $60-$150.

Gay Co-Ed Queer Party The group that throws events for women by women puts on a naughty co-ed party. www.downetowne. com. Bar 35, 35 N. Hotel St.: Sat 3/21, (9AM-2AM.) 573-3535 Gay Discussion Group A discussion and support group for the GLBT community and supportive people. Call 955-3488. Waikiki Community Center, 310 Paoaka­laniAve.: Tuesdays, (7:30PM.) 923-1802 Jason & DeMarco in Concert The gay pop Christian duo performs in promotion of their new DVD. Hula's Bar and Lei Stand, Waikiki Grand Hotel, 2nd floor, 134 Kapahulu Ave.: Fri 3/20, (lOPM.) www. hulas.com, 923-0669 Sindustry Third Anniversary Party This par­ty's theme is "La Cage Aux Faux!" Cre­ated "by a sick mind for the sick mind." Sick. Fusion Waikiki, 2260 Kiihio Ave.: Sat 3/21, (midnight.) 924-2422

Mixed Media 'i'FTA (See Hot Picks, page 8.) E-mail world­cantwaithawaii@yahoo.com. Architecture Building Auditorium, UH-Manoa, 2410 Campus Rd.: Thu 3/19, (6:30PM.) Free. Michener's Hawai'i In conjunction with Mission Houses Museum's Alphabet Soup: Language, Literacy and Learning, see the movie adaptation of Michener's epic novel, starring Julie Andrews. Call 531-0481, ext. 707 for info. Paliku. The­atre, Windward Community College: Sat 3/ 21, (6:30PM.) Free. 235-7433 Monday Night Live Hear the bands that don't get the airplay they deserve. This week: Go Radish! (noise). KTUH, 90.3 FM Honolulu, 91.3 FM North Shore, 89.9 Windward: 3/ 23, (lOPM.) 956-5288 Symphony Spectrum Listen to monthly pre-concert discussions between the Honolulu Symphony and Hawai'i Pub­lic Radio. This month features principal conductor, Andreas Delfs on the inaugu­ral Hawai 'i Beethoven Festival. KHPR 88.1 FM. Tue 3/ 24, (9AM.) 955-8821 Talk Story Radio Jeff Gere's long-running program featuring the tales and tell­ers of Hawai'i and the Pacific Rim now available as a downloadable podcast! Set your browser to feeds.feedburner. com/TalkStoryRadio.

Submissions "The Scene" provides groups and individu­als with free listings of community events, activities and entertainment. Submissions must include the following: • Date and time; • Location (include a street address); • Cost or admission price (please note if event is free); • Contact phone number; • Description of the event. If submitting an entry to the music section, include the general type of music (jazz, rock, hip­hop, Hawaiian, etc.). Deadline for submissions is two weeks before the listing should appear. Listings appear the Wednesday before the event. "The Scene· is also posted each week on our Web site, at honoluluweekly.com. Send all submissions c/o Honolulu Week­ly Calendar Editor, 1111 Port Street Mall, Honolulu, HI 96813, fall: to 528-3144 or e-mail calendar@hono­luluweekly.com. Submissions are not accepted over the phone. Please note: We welcome photographs with submissions, but cannot guarantee returns - please do not send original art. •

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • O'ahu Films

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Unattributed film synopses indicate movies not yet reviewed by HW staff. e Indicates films of unusual interest

Opening ~ Che Steven Soderbergh's four-hour drama on the Cuban revolutionary (played by Benicio Del Toro) finally makes its way to our island. Yes, there will be an intermission. Duplicity Julia Roberts and Clive Owen wear sunglasses and look fabulous. And shoot people while doing so.

· ~ I Love You, Man Oh, Jason Segel, we love you too. You had us at Freaks and Geeks. As for Paul Rudd, we're strictly friends. Knowing Made by the director of the brilliant Dark City, it's also hampered by being made by the same director as I, Robot. And then there's Nie Cage.

Continuing ~ A Christmas Tale Leave it to the French to make a truly ugly, real and touching yuletide drama. American cin­ema still decorates holiday reunion gath­erings with harmless quirk, but this is a film about a family made up of extremely flawed individuals whose unapologetic, unappealing traits aren't dumbed down.

-Ryan Senaga ~ The Class Not quite a documentary (director Laurent Cantet hired actual students, but gave them roles) based on the book by Fran~ois Begaudeau review, who also stars, it's the French version of films such as Lean on Me and To Sir, With Love. Confessions of a Shopaholic Guess what? Shopaholics have banal confes­sions. Surprise! ~ Coraline Henry Sellek brings Neil Gaiman's Hugo Award-winning young adult novel to life, with a story that man­ages to be thoughtful without pander­ing rendered gorgeously in stop-motion

Well, obviously: Jason Segel (right) in/ Love You, Man.

animation. In an era where anything is possible on screen, Coraline is the first film in a long time that astounds with its visuals. -Dean Carrico Fired Up! Two jocks join a cheerleader camp in a lame attempt to try and score. The producers think the best joke comes from emphasizing the initials of the title. (Geddit?) He's Just Not That Into You Skin deep and botox-ed, this romantic ensem­ble comedy is neither funny, nor roman­tic with players far too old for their roles. Don't marry anyone who likes this film.

-Bob Green Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience The 3D concept was recently used to scare audiences in My Bloody Valentine and Coraline. Now comes the most frightening use of the technology of all! The International Bob Green's review online at www.honoluluweekly.com. Miss March Zach Cregger's (The Whit­est Kids U' Know) blood runs cold. His memory has just been sold. His angel is a centerfold (Angel is a centerfold). Paul Blart: Mall Cop Kevin James (The King of Queens) expands his range,

playing a big fat dumb guy who works in a mall instead of as a delivery man. Race to Witch Mountain See review page 16. ~ The Reader Kate Winslet won an Oscar for her performance in this drama about a former Auschwitz guard and her later relationship with a young boy.

-B.G. e Slumdog Millionaire Eight Oscars ought to be recommendation enough. Then again, Titanic won 11. e Taken This is a simple B-movie, with the entire plot and structure lifted from Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando, which is part of its satisfying, kicky fun, making one nostalgic for '80s main­stream exploitation. -R.S. Tyler Perry's .Madea Goes to Jail Next up: Tyler Perry's Beating a Dead Horse. ~ Watchmen Huge in scope and scale, director Zack Snyder (300), takes the seminal graphic novel, long consid­ered unadaptable, and mostly succeeds in honoring the source material. Dark, and brooding, this is one superhero film that actually gets bogged down when the action kicks in. -D.C.

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e The Wrestler Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei soar above a script that, when scrutinized, is as hackneyed as the worst of the aging-sports-icon-takes­one-last-shot-at-the-big-prize films. But you'll hardly notice the cliches, based on the outstanding performances from the two leads. -D.C.

Friends of Film Friday Doris Duke Theatre 900 S. Beretania St., $15 general, $12 members, $8 students, wwwfriendsoffilmfriday.com, 532-8768 e Wendy and Lucy (2008) A sublime performance by Michelle Williams (Brokeback Moun­tain) in this regionalist indie (by Old Joy director/co-writer Kelly Reichardt, than whom no one is better) about the quest of an "aimless" young lady and her dog. Aimlessness can be a great luxury, and so can be seeing a Reichardt movie. Fri­day 3/20, 7:30PM.

Persian Nights: Award-winning films from Iran Doris Duke Theatre, 900 S. Beretania St., $3 for kids under 12, $7 general, $6 seniors & military, $5 members, 532-8768 ~ Azur & Asmar (France 2006/2008) A sincere animated fairy tale about two young boys raised by the same nanny in what appears to be the Middle East. The fairy tale format and tone of the narrative may be too simple for adults, but children will get a kick out of it. -R. S. Wed 3/18 & Thu 3/19, 1 & 7:30PM; Fri 3/20, 1PM; Sat 3/21 & Sun 3/22, 1, 4 & 7:30PM; Mon 3/23, 7:30PM; Tue 3/24 & Wed 3/25, 1 & 7:30PM.

Movie Museum 3566 Harding Ave. #4, $4 members, $5 general, 735-8771

e The Inaccessible Pinnacle (U.K., 2007) A young man returns to the Scot­tish isle of Skye to visit his ailing adop­tive grandfather and finds new meaning and magic, of sorts, in the legends of the place. An unusual drama, and the first feature in Scots Gaelic. Lots of nomina­tions from the British academy awards for this feature, accessible for all ages. Thu 3/19 & Mon 3/23, 12:30, 2:30, 4:30, 6:30 & 8:30PM. e I Do (France, 2006) His mother and five sisters conspire to find son/brother a mate, but he counters by hiring a lady to stand him up at the wedding. Then guess what happens? Not what you might think. France gave it "best comedy of the year" status. The always-reliable Char­lotte Gainsbourg is one of this confec­tion's stars. Fri 3/20, 12:30, 2:30, 4:30, 6:30 & 8:30PM. ~ Manolito Four Eyes (Spain, 1999) This live version of Madrid's beloved comic strip has its title character as wise but thrilled to see the ocean for the first time. Sun 3/22, 12:30, 2:30, 4:30, 6:30 & 8:30PM. ~ Vicky Cristina Barcelona (Spain/ U.S., 2008) It's back and most welcome. Woody Allen at his slyest and most oblique. Beautiful, baby. Sat 3/21, 12:30, 2:30, 4:30, 6:30 & 8:30PM.

University of Hawai'i e Alhambra (Spain, 1989) a walk through the gardens of Spain, pay­ing close attention to the architecture inspired by the Muslim population prev­alent in the Southern region. Sun 3/22, 5PM. Spalding Auditorium, UH-Manoa, $5 general, $3 students, 223-0130 ~ Gone Shopping (Singapore) A shop­ping center romance, chaste, between a lady ofleisure, a slacker and their cohort, an eight-year-old latchkey kiddo. Wed 3/18, 6:30PM. Korean Studies Building Auditorium, UH-Manoa,free, 956-2688

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www.honoluluweekly.com • March 18-24, 2009 • Honolulu Weeki, 15

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Rocky Illountain RYAN SENAGA

The cinematic career of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is a fascinating exercise in the evolution of

the action genre. Charismatic and muscular, one would automatically think he'd be a no-brainer to as­sume the mantles vacated by Stal­lone, Schwarzenegger and Willis. But much like Vin Diesel (another muscle-head whose more "seri­ous" projects haven't taken off), he has found more success in family­friendly Disney fare, rather than Doom, The Scorpion King, or even the gleefully misguided Southland Tales.

Perhaps the audience of the 'OOs doesn't need a Lethal Weapon nor does it want to Die Hard. Thus, following unexpected and boggling successes in The Game Plan and The Gridiron Gang, Johnson stars in the latest "re-imagining" from the Disney vault, Race to Witch Mountain. Taking on the Eddie Albert role, Johnson is a Las Ve­gas cab driver who finds himself ferrying Seth and Sara, two very strange and serious 'tweens, to an isolated location in the Nevada desert. Soon the government is in hot pursuit; these two siblings are

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Race to Witch Mountain stays on cruise control

actually aliens from another planet who crash-landed in their UFO and are on the hunt for a mysterious device that could save both their world and ours. Once the device is obtained, they must retrieve their starship from an Area 51-like gov­ernment testing lab-the legendary Witch Mountain.

Regal Cinemas no longer releases its movie listings in time for Honolulu Weekly to publish them.

....................... Town RESTAURANT ROW 500 Ala Moana Blvd. 526-4171 + Bedtime Stories (Wed & Thu 1:30, 4:30, 7:30, 10:05, Fri-Tue 11:20, 2, 4:20, 7:05, 9:35); Doubt (Wed & Thu 1:15, 4:15, 7:15, 9:45, Fri-Tue 11:15, 1:45, 4:15, 7:10, 9:40); lnkheart (Wed & Thu 1:20, 4:20, 7:20, 9:50, Fri-Tue 11:10, 1:40, 4:10, 7, 9:30); Twilight (Wed & Thu 1, 4, 7, 10, Fri-Tue 11, 1:50, 4:40, 7:30, 10:20); Underworld: Rise of the lycans (Wed & Thu 1:35, 4:35, 7:35, 10:10, Fri-Tue 11:35, 2:15, 5, 7:45, 10:05); The Uninvited (Wed & Thu 1:45, 4:45, 7:45, 10:15, Fri-Tue 11:40, 2:20, 4:35, 7:15, 9:50); Valkyrie (Wed & Thu 1:10, 4:10, 7:05, 9:55)

• Thu 3/19: Bolt (Wed & Thu 1:05, 4:05, 6:35, 9:05); Bride Wars (Wed & Thu 1:40, 4:40, 7:40, 10)

Fri 3/20: last Chance Harvey (Fri-Tue 11:25, 2:05, 4:30, 7:20, 9:45); My Bloody Valentine (Fri-Tue 11:30, 2:10, 4:35, 7:25, 9:55); Revoluntionary Road (Fri-Tue 11:05, 1:55, 4:45, 7:35, 10:20)

WARD STADIUM 1044 Auahi St. 593-3000 + Confessions of a Shopaholic (Wed & Thu 7:30, 10:05, Fri-Tue 11:30); He's Just Not That Into You (Wed & Thu 1:20, 4:20, 7:20, 10:20, Fri-Tue 2, 7:30); The last House on the teft (Wed & Thu 12:30, 2, 3:10, 4:45, 7, 7:45, 9:30, 10:30, Fri-Sat 11:20, 2, 4:45, 7:30, 10:15, 11:40, Sun-Tue 11:20, 2, 4:45, 7:30, 10:15); Miss March (Wed & Thu 1:30, 3:45, 6, 8:10, 10:30, Fri-Sat 11:15, 1:30, 3:45, 6, 8:15, 10:40, Sun-Tue 11:15, 1:30, 3:45, 6, 8:15, 10:20); Race to Witch 81ountain (Wed & Thu 12:30, 1:30, 2:30, 3, 3:55, 5, 5:30, 6:30,

16 Honolulu Weekly • March 18-24, 2009 • www.honoluluweekly.com

Surprisingly, there isn't too much in the way of FX eye candy here, no matter how hard Trevor Rabin's score tries to convince you otherwise (the composer is seem­ingly under the impression he's making music for Zack Snyder's Spartans). The most striking im­age is already in the trailers: Seth standing in the middle of the road and letting an SUV crash into his impervious body, the auto parts splattering around the screen in CGI careens. The UFO is a retro­saucer that spins through the night with jiggling lights; perhaps it's supposed to be an homage to the

7:30, 8, 9, 9:50, 10:30, Fri-Sat 11, 12:15, 1:25, 2, 2:45, 3:50, 4:30, 5:10, 6:15, 7, 7:40, 8:40, 9:25, 10:10, 11, Sun-Tue 11, 12:15, 1:25, 2, 2:45, 3:50, 4:30, 5:10, 6:15, 7, 7:40, 8:40, 9:25, 10:10); Slumdog Millionaire (Wed & Thu 12:40, 3:30, 7:25, 10:25, Fri-Tue 11:15, 2:05, 4:55, 7:45, 10:30); Taken (Wed & Thu 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:05, 10:25, Fri-Sat 11:10, 1:25, 3:40, 5:55, 8:15, 10:35, Sun-Tue 11:10, 1:25, 3:40, 5:55, 8:15, 10:30); Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail (Wed & Thu 12:30, 2:55, 5:20, 7:45, 10:30, Fri-Tue 11:30, 5, 10:30); Watchmen (Wed & Thu 12:30, 1:30, 2:15, 3, 3:55, 5, 5:45, 6:30, 7:30, 8:30, 9:15, 10, Fri-Sat 12:30, 3:55, 7:20, 10:45, Sun-Tue 12:30, 3:50, 7:10, 10:30)

• Thu 3/19: Coraline (Wed & Thu 2:45, 5:15);Jonas Brothers: The ~D Concert Experience in Disney Digital ~D (Wed & Thu 12:30); Street Fighter: The legend of Chun-ti (Wed & Thu 12:50, 3:10, 5:30, 7:50, 10:10)

Fri 3/20: Duplicity (Fri-Sat 11:15, 12, 2:05, 2:50, 4:55, 5:40, 7:45, 8:30, 10:35, 11:20, Sun-Tue 11:15, 12, 2:05, 2:50, 4:55, 5:40, 7:45, 8:30, 10:30); I love You, Man (Fri-Sat 11, 12, 1:40, 2:40, 4:10, 5:10, 7, 8, 9:35, 10:30); Knowing (Fri-Sat 11, 11:45, 1, 1:55, 2:40, 3:55, 4:50, 5:35, 7, 7:45, 8:30, 9:50, 10:40, 11:25, Sun-Tue 11, 11:45, 1, 1:55, 2:40, 3:55, 4:50, 5:35, 7, 7:45, 8:30, 9:50, 10:30)

....................... Windward KO'OLAU STADIUM Temple Valley Shopping Center (808) 593-3000 + Gran Torino (Wed & Thu 4:35, 7:05, Fri-Tue 11, 1:30, 9); The last House on the left (Wed & Thu 2:10, 4:40, 7:10, Fri-Tue 11:40, 2:10, 4:40, 7:10, 9:35); Race to Witch Mountain (Wed & Thu 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8, Fri-Tue 11:10, 1:20, 3:30, 5:35, 7:45,

original film? Even more disappointing is an

alien predator sent from the home planet to hunt and kill the two kids. It's basically a leftover suit from either the low-budget Guyver flicks or an unused prop from the Power Rangers series. The director Andy Fickman (who also directed Johnson in The Game Plan) prob­ably knows this too, which is why he refuses to give us a clear shot of this potentially cool Kikaida menace. Eventually the bad dude's helmet comes off and the reveal is a let-down: just a slimy, unfinished monster that looks like concept art from the Xbox 360 game, Gears of War.

as a government spook seeking to dissect the alien children can only muster a stuffy pout. Director Gar­ry Marshall has fun with his cam­eo as a conspiracy nut/expert at the convention, somehow managing to emote and mug exclusively with his front teeth.

What this leaves us is The Rock himself, as the PG-rated Trans­porter. The hero potential for him is an untapped Jason Statham­like national resource. He gamely throws his biceps into the material, bringing an Indiana Jones-like cynicism to his character, complete with Harrison Ford's gruff comic timing. It's not enough to make this lightweight trifle suitable for adults, but he is still the most com­pelling thing on the screen.

Carla Gugino makes an appear­ance as a scientist attending a UFO convention and she plays it dorky and perky, reveling in being fam­ily-friendly after her sluttier turn as Sally Jupiter in Watchmen. The kids do an adequate job: AnnaSo­phia Robb (Bridge to Terabithia) as Sara is such a dead ringer for Lindsay Lohan it's almost distract­ing, while Alexander Ludwig (The Seeker: The Dark is Rising) man­ages to elicit sympathy while stoi­cally trying to keep his face free of all expression. What's really missing here is a truly gripping human villain. 1978's Return from Witch Mountain featured icons Christopher Lee and Bette Davis for memorable evil. Ciaran Hinds (Munich, There Will Be Blood)

Those with any sort of nostalgia for the pair of movies that Race to Witch Mountain was based on, will probably be let down. But they aren't the target audience. Younger movie-goers will be sufficiently en­tertained, which is really the whole point of this production. It's a chase flick with the tone of a non-roller coaster Disneyland ride: moderate­ly cute and completely harmless. During the time of the original films in the late '70s, a ride like this in Magic Kingdom would have only required a C-ticket. In the age of the Fast Pass though, the DVD of this release should be playing on the back headrests of mini-vans by the end of summer. •

9:55); Slumdog Millionaire (Wed & Thu Fri 3/20: Che (Fri-Tue 1, 7); Duplicity 2:15, 4:50, 7:25, Fri-Tue 11:30, 2:15, 4:45, (Fri-Tue 11:20, 2:05, 5, 7:45, 10:30) 7:30, 10); Taken (Wed & Thu 1:15, 3:20, 5:45, 7:50, Fri-Tue 3:50, 6, 8:10); Tyler KOKO MARINA STADIUM 8 593-3000

Perry's Madea Goes to Jail (Wed & Thu + Coraline (Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue 11, 1:20,

2:20, 4:50, 7:20, Fri, Sun-Tue 11, 1:25, 3:40, Sun 1:20, 3:40); The last House on

10:20, Sat 12:30, 10:20); Watchmen (Wed the teft (Wed & Thu 1:30, 3:45, 6, 8:15,

& Thu 1, 2, 4:05, 5:05, 7:10, 8:10, Fri-Tue Fri-Tue 12, 2:50, 5:20, 7:40, 10:15); Race

11, 12, 2:25, 3:25, 6, 7, 9:20, 10:05) to Witch Mountain (Wed & Thu 1:10, 3:30, 5:50, 8:10, Fri-Tue 10:50, 1:10, 3:30,

• Thu 3/19: Coraline (Wed & Thu 1:25, 5:45, 8, 10:20); Slumdog Millionaire 3:40, 5:50); He's Just Not That Into You (Wed & Thu 1:40, 4:15, 7:30, Fri-Tue 11:10, (Wed & Thu 1:30); Push (Wed & Thu 8); 1:45, 4:20, 7, 9:40); Taken (Wed & Thu Street Fighter: The legend of Chun-ti 1:20, 3:25, 5:45, 8, Fri-Tue 6, 8:05, 10:10); (Wed & Thu 1:20, 3:30, 5:45, 7:55) Watchmen (Wed & Thu 1, 2:40, 4:20,

, Fri 3/20: Duplicity (Fri-Tue 11:05, 6:30, 7:40, Fri-Tue 11:40, 3:15, 6:45, 10:05)

12:40, 4:15, 7:10, 9:45); I love You, Man • Thu 3/19: Confessions of a (Fri-Tue 11, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8, 10:15); Shopaholic (Wed & Thu 2, 4:40, 7:10); Knowing (Fri-Tue 11:15, 1:50, 4:25, 7:05, Milk (Wed & Thu 4:30, 7:20); Paul Blart: 9:50) Mall Cop (Wed & Thu 1:50)

....................... Fri 3/20: Duplicity (Fri-Tue 11, 1:45,

East 4:30, 7:10, 9:55); I love You, Man (Fri-Tue 10:50, 1:10, 3:30, 5:50, 8:10, 10:30);

KAHALA B·PLEX Kahala Mall, 4211 Knowing (Fri-Tue 11:20, 2:10, 7:30, 10:10) Wai'alae Ave. (808) 593-3000 + A Christmas Tale (Wed & Thu 12:30, ....................... 3:40, 7, Fri-Tue 3:30, 7); The Class (Wed Central & Thu 11:30, 2:15, 5, 7:45, Fri-Tue 11, 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 10); Race to Witch Mountain MILILANI TOWN CENTER STADIUM 14 95-

(Wed & Thu 12:20, 2:40, 5, 7:20, Fri-Tue 1249 Meheula Parkway (808) 593-3000 + The last House on the left (Wed & 10:50, 1:10, 3:30, 5:45, 8, 10:20); The Thu 12, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 9:55, Fri-Tue 11:30,

Reader (Wed & Thu 11:50, 2:35, 5:10, 2:10, 4:50, 7:30, 10:10); Miss March (Wed 7:50, Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue 11:10, 1:50, 4:30, & Thu 12:25, 3:30, 5:45, 7:55, 10, Fri-Tue

7:10, 9:50, Sun 1:50, 4:30, 7:10, 9:50); Slumdog Millionaire (Wed & Thu 12:10, 11:20, 5, 7:15); Race to Witch Mountain

2:45, 5:20, 8, Fri-Tue 11:40, 2:15, 4:50, 7:30, (Wed & Thu 12:05, 12:50, 1:35, 2:25, 3:10, 3:55, 4:45, 5:30, 6:30, 7:10, 7:50, 8:45, 9:25, 10:10); Watchmen (Wed & Thu 12, 3:30, 10:05, Fri-Tue 11, 11:40, 12:20, 1:15, 2,

7:15, Fri-Tue 11:30, 3, 6:45, 10:05); The Wrestler (Wed & Thu 2:20, 7:30, Fri-1\Je

2:40, 3:35, 4:15, 4:55, 5:50, 6:30, 7:20, 8:05, 9:40, 10:25); Taken (Wed & Thu 12:40, 3,

12:30, 10:15) 5:15, 7:45, 9:50, Fri-Tue 11:15, 1:25, 3:30, • Thu 3/19: Coraline (Wed & Thu 12:15, 5:35, 7:40, 9:55); Tyler Perry's Madea 2:30, 4:45); The International (Wed & Goes to Jail (Wed & Thu 12:20, 2:45, 5:05, Thu 11:45, 4:50); I.et the Right One In 7:25, 9:45, Fri-Tue 11:55, 2:20, 4:45, 7:25, (Wed & Thu 7:40) 10); Watchmen (Wed & Thu 12, 12:45,

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Film

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The Futurama is pau? DEAN CARRICO

A fter FOX cancelled Futurama in 2003, fans were pleased when the Cartoon Network's program­

ming block known as Adult Swim picked up the show for syndication and, along with it, a new legion of fans who had missed the series due to preemptive sports broadcasts and constant shifting of timeslots. Adult Swim had created another breakthrough in ratings with re­peating episodes of Family Guy, another one of FOX's cancelled animated series. DVD sales for both series soared from the new following, and Family Guy was fa­mously resurrected to a prime Sun­day night timeslot on FOX.

Rumors swirled about bringing back Futurama as well, but creator Matt Groening (who also created The Simpsons) pulled off the biz­zaro move to produce new episodes that would be released directly to DVD in feature-length packages, later to be split into separate epi­sodes aired on Comedy Central.

The result: Four individual DVDs that amount to an hour and a half of material that cost almost as much as the box sets of earlier seasons (which contain three times the content) and have proved to be a mixed bag at best. Despite Groening and producer David X.

1:30, 3:20, 4:15, 5, 6:40, 7:40, 8:40, 10, Fri-Tue 12, 1:30, 4:35, 8:15, 9:35)

• Thu 3/19: Coraline (Wed & Thu 3:50, ?);Jonas Brothers: The ~D Concert Experience in Disney Digital ~D (Wed & Thu 12:05, 2); Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Wed & Thu 12:35, 2:45, 4:50, 7:20, 9:35); Push (Wed & Thu 9:20); Slumdog Millionaire (Wed & Thu 1, 3:45, 7:15, 9:50); Street Fighter: The legend of Chun-Li (Wed & Thu 12:10, 2:20, 4:40, 7:05, 9:30)

• Fri 3/20: Duplicity (Fri-Tue 11, 11:45, 1:40, 2:25, 4:20, 5:05, 7:05, 7:50, 9:45, 10:30); I Love You, Man (Fri-Tue 11:10, 12:10, 1:35, 2:35, 4:30, 5:20, 7, 8, 9:30, 10:20); Knowing (Fri-Tue 11:05, 11:50, 1:45, 2:30, 4:25, 5:10, 7:10, 7:55, 9:50, 10:35)

PEARLRIDGE WEST (808) 593-3000 • Coraline (Wed & Thu 11:45, 2:30, 4:50, 7:15, 9:30, Fri-Tue 12, 2:20); Fired Up (Wed & Thu 2:20, 4:25, 6:30, Fri-Tue 5:45, 8, 10:10); Hotel for Dogs (Wed & Thu 11:35, 1:55, 4:15, Fri-Tue 11, 1:15, 3:30); The Last Bouse on the left (Wed & Thu 11:55, 2:25, 4:55, 7:25, 9:55, Fri-Tue 12:15, 2:45, 5:15, 7:45, 10:15); Miss March (Wed & Thu 12:10, 3, 5:15, 7:30, 9:40, Fri-Tue 11:10, 1:30, 3:45, 6, 8:15, 10:25); Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Wed & Thu 2:50, 3:10, 5:20, 7:30, 9:40, Fri-Tue 11, 1:15, 3:30); Race to Witch Mountain (Wed

. 11:45, 12:30, 1:20, 2:05, 2:50, 3:40, Thu, 11:30, 12:15, 1:05, 1:50, 2:35, 3:25, 4:10, 5, 5:45, 6:30, 7:15, 8, 8:45, 9:30, Fri-Tue 10:45, 11:30, 12:15, 1:05, 1:50, 2:35, 3:25, 4:10, 5, 5:45, 6:30, 7:15, 8:05, 8:45, 9:30, 10:30); Street Fighter: The legend of Chun-Li (Wed & Thu 12:25, 2:45, 5:05, 7:25, 9:45, Fri-Tue 10:45, 1:05, 3:25, 5:45, 8:05, 10:25); Taken (Wed & Thu 12:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50, Fri-Tue 11, 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50); Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail (Wed & Thu 12:30,

Matt Groening's other cartoon series hits its stride (again) Cohen's assertion that the episodes would be recut with added mate­rial for television broadcast, the four releases-Bender's Big Score, The Beast with a Billion Backs, Bender's Game and the latest, and possibly final release, Into the Wild Green Yonder-are far too obvious with their presentation. It's easy to tell where the commercial breaks will appear.

This time around, as with most

2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 9:50, Fri-Tue 11, 1:25, 3:50, 6:05, 8:25, 10:45); Watchmen (Wed & Thu 11:30, 12:30, 1:30, 3:15, 4:15, 5:15, 7:15, 8:30, 9:15, Fri-Tue 12:15, 3:45, 5:45, 6:30, 7:15, 9:15, 10, 10:45)

• Thu 3/19: Be's Just Not That Into You (Wed & Thu 11:30, 8:45); The Pink Panther 2 (Wed & Thu 6:30, 8:45); Slumdog Millionaire (Wed & Thu 12:05, 3:15, 7:05, 9:45)

• Fri 3/20: Duplicity (Fri-Tue 11, 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 10); I Love You, Man (Fri-Tue 10:50, 1:10, 3:30, 5:50, 8:15, 10:40); Knowing (Fri-Tue 10:45, 11:45, 1:30, 2:30, 4:15, 5:15, 7, 8, 9:45, 10:45)

Leeward KAPOLEI MEGAPLEX 890 Kamokila Blvd. (808) 593-3000 • Fired Up (Wed & Thu 1:30, 3:45, 6, 8:15, 10:30, Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue 11, 1, 3:10, 5:20, Sun 1, 3:10, 5:20); Be's Just Not That Into You (Wed & Thu 2:05, 7:15, Fri-Tue 7:30, 10:20); The Last Bouse on the left (Wed & Thu 12, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10, Fri-Tue 12, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10); Miss March (Wed & Thu 1:30, 3:40, 5:50, 8, 10:10, Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue 11:20, 1:30, 3:40, 5:50, 8, 10:10, Sun 1:30, 3:40, 5:50, 8, 10:10); Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Wed & Thu 1:25, 3:35, 5:45, 7:55, 10:05, Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue 11:15, 1:25, 3:35, 5:45, 7:55, 10:05, Sun 1:25, 3:35, 5:45, 7:55, 10:05); Race to Witch Mountain (Wed & Thu 12:15, 1:30, 2:30, 3:45, 4:45, 6, 7, 8:15, 9:15, 10:30, Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue 11:15, 12:15, 1:30, 2:30, 3:45, 4:45, 6, 7, 8:15, 9:15, 10:30, Sun 12:15, 1:30, 2:30, 3:45, 4:45, 6, 7, 8:15, 9:15, 10:30); Slumdog Millionaire (Wed & Thu 11:55, 2:35, 5:15, 7:55, 10:35, Fri­Tue 11:55, 2:35, 5:15, 7:55, 10:35); Street Fighter: The legend of Chun-Li (Wed & Thu 1:30, 3:45, 6, 8:15, 10:30, Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue 11:15, 1:30, 3:45, 6, 8:15, 10:30,

episodes, Bender (John DiMag­gio, who keeps getting better as a voice actor) commits crimes, Leela (Katey Sagal) worries about the re­percussions of society's wasteful habits, and Fry (Billy West) learns that his idiocy may again help save the universe. To fans of the series, they've obviously not bothered to break new ground. And for the most part, that's fine, though the feature-length format is jarring. If the end credits played after the abrupt end of the Bender plot (easi­ly the most interesting of the three), fans would be satisfied. An hour of additional, choppy storylines only muddles the presentation.

Still though, Yonder is one of the better offerings of these newer releases, and it's easy to see how, with a little job stability, the writ­ers can hit the A-list material pro­duced in the fourth and final sea­son. Listening to the commentary, both Cohen and Groening are elu­sive on whether this will truly be the last Futurama for fans to clam­or over. Whenever either mentions the words "final release," you can practically see the quotation marks, and they've scripted a "finale" af­ter which anything is possible. Part of the future of Futurama hinges on how well these DVD releases sell, and reports bode well for the series. The cynic might say it's because fans have now paid twice as much as they would have for the series in the traditional form, and they would probably be right. Here's hoping it all proves worth it.

Sun 1:30, 3:45, 6, 8:15, 10:30); Taken (Wed & Thu 11:45, 1:50, 3:55, 6, 8:05, 10:10, Fri-Tue 11:45, 1:50, 3:55, 6, 8:05, 10:10); Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail (Wed & Thu 1:20, 3:40, 6, 8:20, 10:40, Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue 11, 1:20, 3:40, 6, 8:20, 10:40, Sun 1:20, 3:40, 6, 8:20, 10:40); Watchmen (Wed & Thu 11:45, 12:30, 1:30, 3:05, 3:50, 5, 6:25, 7:10, 8:30, 9:45, 10:30, Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue 11, 11:45, 12:30, 2:20, 3:05, 3:50, 5:40, 6:25, 7:10, 9, 9:45, 10:30, Sun 11:45, 12:30, 2:20, 3:05, 3:50, 5:40, 6:25, 7:10, 9, 9:45, 10:30)

• Thu 3/19: Coraline (Wed & Thu 1:20, 3:35, 5:50, 8:05, 10:20); Hotel for Dogs (Wed & Thu 1:15, 3:30, 5:45); Push (Wed & Thu 8, 10:35); Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (Wed & Thu 11:45, 5, 10: 15)

• Fri 3/20: Duplicity (Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue 11:05, 1:50, 4:35, 7:20, 10:05, Sun 1:50, 4:35, 7:20, 10:05); I Love You, Man (Fri­Sat, Mon-Tue 11, 1:20, 3:40, 6, 8:20, 10:40, Sun 1:20, 3:40, 6, 8:20, 10:40)

Art House DORIS DUKE THEATRE Honolulu Academy of Arts, 900 S. Beretania St. $7 general, $5 members. 532-8768

• Azur & Asmar (Wed-Thu 1, 7:30, Fri 1, Sat & Sun 1, 4, 7:30, Mon 7:30, Tue 1, 7:30); Wendy and Lucy (Fri 7:30)

MOVIE MUSEUM 3566 Harding Ave. $5 general, $4 members. 735-8771 • ldo aka Prete-moi tti M11in (Fri 12:30, 2:30, 4:30, 6:30, 8:30); The Inaccessible Pinnacle aka Suubd (Thu & Mon 12:30, 2:30, 4:.30, 6:30, 8:30); Manolito Four Eyes aka M11nollto 611jottis (Sun 12:30, 2:30, 4:30, 6:30, 8:30); Vicky Cristina Barcelona (Sat 12:30, 2:30, 4:30, 6:30, 8:30)

•

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www.honoluluweekly.com • March 18-24, 2009 • Honolulu Weekly 17

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ta Honolulu Weekly • March 18-24, 2009 • www.honoluluweekly.com

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • New or Noteworthy

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Filipino Marilou's Restaurant &Catering -Walter Rhee (3/5/08) The allure of traditional Filipino cooking lies in the braising of meats slow-cooked for several hours to release the flavors. Each lunch/din­ner combo comes with 4 items of your choice-pinapaitan, pinakbet (a soup with long green beans, few pieces of lechon-crispy fried pork, bitter melon, eggplant and tomatoes), dinguanan, pork guisantes, pork adobo, mungo beans or pork menudo. All items on the combo plates are savory. Save room for Banana lumpia and halo halo for dessert. Marilou's is the place to go for a real comfort­ing home-cooked Filipino meal. 70 Kukui St. (621-1196). Mon-Sat9am-9pnSun 9am-3JJ!J Entrees: $7.35-$9.50.

French JJ Bistro & French Pastry -Rachel Brown (6/18/08) The food is so eclectic and the flavors so harmonious, that JJ transcends such labels as "French-Laotian" or "Eurasian." There are two fixed menus offering soup, appetizer, en­tree and dessert. One such entree is the Fisherman's pot pie with a dense, flaky crust that cradles a rich con­coction of shrimp, scallops, salmon, zucchini and bamboo shoots, all drenched in a buttery cream sauce. The pastry display boasts a variety of desserts, including the famous choco­late pyramid, lemon honey cake, plum tarts and frou frou au chocolate. JJ provides world class cuisine in a chic setting at very reasonable prices. 3447 Wai'alae Ave. (739-0993). Mon-Sat 9am-9JJTI Sun l2JJ!r9JJ!J Entrees: $19.95-$24.95. AmEx, Disc, MC, V.

A Taste of the Bayou -Leanne Trapedo Sims (9/24/08) Honolulu now has supreme authentic Cajun cuisine. Chef and owner Dil­lard Faulk offers a truly authentic Cajun menu with items such as jam­balaya, gumbo, catfish, hush puppies, fried green tomatoes, as well as al­ligator and crawfish coming soon. As a chef, Faulk is unwilling to compro­mise the integrity of his ingredients, however, he has been known to share his ingredients with locals and tour­ists alike. The interior is very aesthet­ically pleasing with wooden alligator carvings, high ceiling fans, folk art, a photo gallery and even a Forrest Gump slogan in the bathroom. The

No panic 10 Organic Hawai'i.

Organic Reasons Farmers

Association recommends that you look for certification documentation for all food sold as organic. Only products certified by an independent third party provide the consumer the assurance that the product has been grown in accordance with recognized standards. The Organic Trade Association provides this list of 10 good reasons to buy organic.

National food front Tom Vilsack, the new Agriculture secretary, is creating a vegetable garden, symbolic of the spirit of change, in front of the Department of Agriculture. Will this plot bear fruit? Flowers? Edibles? Stay tuned.

Michael Pollan, n:itionally recognized for his book The Omnivore's Dilemma, speaks at the ·center for Disease Control later this month, where he'll discuss connections between disease and existing food and ag policies.

Wai'anae Farmers Market The newest Farm Bureau market, will soon make changes in location and services. Saturday, March 21 will be the last day at Makaha Resort. The market reopens on May 2 at a new location, the Wai'anae Comprehensive Health Center. The new Saturday market will be open from 8:30AM until noon. Van service will be provided for residents in Makaha and other Wai'anae locales, and the market plans to be the first to offer EBT services. Call Desiree at 697-3599 for more information.

Catering Need catering? Where to turn? Ed Kenney ofTown & Downtown@the HiSAM fame is providing O'ahu with first class island food for weddings, receptions and fundraisers. He even has a great nighttime location for rent, should you need one, at HiSAM. For starters, local politicians and environmental organizations should be serving up food that is local, not food that just looks local. Kenny supports local farmers and ranchers by providing healthier, fresher piipii. Residents, farmers and the environment will thank you.

Kani Ka Pila Grille This pool side restaurant opens today at at the newly remodeled Outrigger Reef on the Beach at 2169 Kalia Road. Its focus is great entertainment with primo local entertainers like Brother Noland, Ma!)Oa DNA, and Kauhahi. The Grille is open from 11AM-9PM

daily, with live entertainment nightly from 5:30PM-8:30PM.

MIXII The second Mix Cafe is expected to open the week of March 23 on Alakea St., near S. King St. This popular downtown lunch spot will expand its breakfast and lunch offerings. A new oven will bring homemade pastries and foccacia to the mix. Rather, to both Mixes.

-Laurie \I. Carlson

Got food news? Send 'em in to foodnews@honoluluweekly.com

space is perfect for a celebration with a group of friends or an intimate din­ner and also possesses a BYOB poli­cy, which helps to make it affordable. 740 Kap_ahulu Ave. (732-2229). Tue-Sun 5:30im-10JJT1 Entrees: $7.95-$15.95. AmEx, Disc, JCB,MC, V.

Italian Baci Bistro -Kawehi Haug (519107) Don't leave without trying the tira­misu. Where most places take on the traditional dolci as an Italian version of the Midwestern trifle, Baci treats it right: Each layer separate, but all coming together perfectly on tne fork. The ladyfingers are moist, not wet; the mascarpone layer is light, not cheesecake-like; the amaretto

is complimentary, not overpower­ing. The answer is simple: When in Kailua, eat at Baci Bistro. 30 Aulike St., Kailua (262-7555). Lunch Mon-Fri 11:30am-2iJT) Dinner 5:30-lOJJTI Entrees: $13.95-$26. AmEx, MC, V.

Taormina Sicilian Cuisine -Ryan Senaga (1/19/08) With its reasonable prices, wistful outside environment and distinctive yet hearty food, this Japanese-infused restaurant is worthy of becoming a local date night institution. The candle-lit, romantic outdoor tables provide the environment for an af­fo:dable date in a chic environment. The uni (sea urchin) pasta is the per­fect meal for the daring diner-how­ever, it sells out quickly so be sure to request it when making dinner reservations! Although the menu items can be eclectic, Taormina also offers more traditional fare such as the Bucatini "Fresh Sardine", bucatini (thick spaghetti) with fresh Japanese sardine fillets, garlic, saffron, pine nuts, tossed lightly in olive oil. 227 Lewers Street, RlOO (926-5050). Sun-Thu, 11am-10am Fri-Sat 11am-1lJJ!J Entrees: $12-$32.

Pasta Basta by Donato's -N. L. (4/25107) Pasta Basta does brisk business for the lunch crowds that come pouring out of neighboring office towers around noon, and while ordering at the counter may seem unglamorous, it's a smart way for

I. Organic products meet stringent standards

the restaurant to maximize its lunch service. Handmade pizzas come straight from the oven, including spicy shrimp, margherita, napole­tana and grilled chicken-portobello versions. If you like fresh pasta but want a simpler dish, there's fresh spinach fettucine with Bolognese sauce, linguine with basil pesto

2. Organic food tastes great 3. Organic production reduces health risks 4. Organic farms respect our water resources 5. Organic farmers build soil 6. Organic farmers work in harmony with nature 7. Organic growers are leaders in innovative research 8. Organic producers strive to preserve diversity 9. Organic farming keeps rural communities healthy 10. Abundance of organic goods: foods and non-foods alike

-Laurie V Carlson

or cappellini with sauteed mush­rooms, fresh tomatoes and garlic. Restaurant Row, (523-9999). Lunch Mon-Fri llam-2:30JJ!J Dinner Tue-Sat 5-9:30JJT1 Entrees: $9-$15. MC, V.

·1 J

I

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Restaurants

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • IMAGE COURTESY OF MONDO GELATO

You gellin' yet?

These gelateria are worth a springtime visit

MARTHA CHENG

It may sound hard to believe, but before I discovered ge­lato, my favorite part of ice cream was the cone. My scoop of ice cream could

fall off and land on the sidewalk, but with my hand firmly gripping the now-beheaded sugar cone, the world did not have to end. If an ice cream shop was making fresh waffle cones, I could never resist the smell, and I'd be inside, order­ing an ice cream waffle cone, no ice cream, please. Whenever watch­ing Roman Holiday, I can't help but shudder when Audrey Hepburn's Princess Ann finishes her gelato and blithely threw her cone into the street. Who knew princesses were such unappreciative litterers?

It's not that I hate ice cream-I can never resist Haagen Daz's cara­mel cone, with bits of chocolate­covered sugar cone and ribbons of caramel in caramel ice cream (it's as ridiculously sweet as it sounds)­but if I had to pick the cone or the ice cream to throw into a Roman street, it would be the ice cream. That is, until I had gelato for the first time in Italy, and the decision became much harder. We would make meals out of gelato-choco­late, pistachio, persimmon, fig, pine nut, jasmine (after which I decided chocolate was really much better for eating than flowers)-the Ital­ian names escape me now, but the memories of the flavors remain. Ge­lato shops and carts were at every other street corner, and at a euro a scoop, our budget accommodated the frozen treat for breakfast, lunch, pre-dinner, dinner, after-dinner.

We found out later that gelato is lower in fat than ice cream, which may explain why our gluttony never felt that way. The main difference

between gelato and ice cream is that ice cream, made with cream, can contain up to 32 percent fat, while gelato, which is made with milk, is typically 4-8 percent fat. Despite this, gelato often tastes richer and the flavors more in­tense because it contains less air than ice cream and is typically served at a warmer temperature.

While the chilly weather lately hasn't really put me in the mood for gelato, sampling it at a few of the gelaterias in town brings back memories of sunny Italy, Vespa escapades and Audrey Hepburn on a Roman holiday. The following gelaterias remind us that while Italy may be far, a simple scoop of gelato is not.

A Latta Gelata Whole Foods' gelato showcase is supplied by A Latta Gelata, with classic Italian flavors like amarena (sour cherry), amaretto {almond), nocciola (hazelnut) and strac­ciatella. Stracciatella is similar to chocolate chip ice cream, but the chocolate is shaved into a rich, white fior di latte (literally, cow's milk) base that tastes just like the childhood treat, White Rabbit candy. The milk base, along with other ingredients like pistachios and cherries, down to the gelato scoopers that more resemble sharp­edged paddles, are imported from Milan to recreate the Italian gelato experience. While "Head Gelato Scooper" Christine Murai tries to stay true to the flavors she re­members from a trip to Tuscany, she can't ignore the island's fruits, incorporating tropical flavors in her sorbetti (basically, gelato with­out the milk), like guava, man_go, and a favorite-pifia colada, which blends pineapple sorbetto with a coconut gelato. As the seasons

change, she adds more flavors, like watermelon in the warmer months, and pumpkin pie gelato in the fall.

For her clients, mostly small restaurants, she tailor-makes fla­vors: an ume sorbetto for Zen Shu and a classic spumoni for Palazzo Ristorante Italiano.

A Latta Gelata is avail-able at Whole Foods, Mene­hune Mac Chocolate Factory and Gift Center, and by calling Christine Murai directly at 853-4911 for a pint (or more) of any her thirty-some flavors. 131 Ka'iulani Ave., King's Village, ground floor, 11AM-10:30PM daily, 853-4911

La Gelateria While La Gelateria's gelato might be more like ice cream than ge­lato, the intensity of flavors like Kona coffee and macadamia nut is enough to push aside notions of authenticity. The flavors shine through especially in La Gelateria's sorbetti, which come in the obliga­tory tropical, but no less delicious, varieties like mango and lychee. La Gelateria is an appropriate name for what was for some time the only place that sold gelato in Ho­nolulu, but it's currently in flux as long-time owner Maurice Grasso recently sold his shop. With numer­ous accounts serving large hotels and restaurants and the shop walls proclaiming past awards, newspa­per and magazine praise, we hope La Gelateria continues to fulfill ex­pectations of tasty frozen desserts.

The "shop" is really La Gelateria's production kitchen, conveniently located next to the Meadow Gold production facility, where La Gela­teria gets its milk base. There's a freezer of packed gelato for pur­chase in the front office space and a few forlorn chairs and tables facing industrial buildings. La Gelateria is also available at Kokua Market. 879 Cedar St., Mon-Fri, 9AM-5PM, 597-1133

Mondo Gelato Mondo Gelato has the most ex­pensive component of the gelato experience: a retail space. While gelato is usually more expensive than ice cream, with its premium, often imported ingredients, gelato servings at Mondo Gelato skyrocket to Waikiki-high prices. The fran­chise is based in Vancouver, but the gelato is made in a production facility near the Dole Cannery. A long display case in the store shows off a rainbow assortment of gelato and sorbetti, garnished with fruits and nuts, and it's hard not to sample every single flavor {indecisive buy­ers probably don't help their costs). Pistachio, nutty and creamy, and mango, almost as luscious as the fruit itself, are favorites, along with whimsically-named "Worm Dirt"­Oreo cookies crushed fine into the gelato. The flavors and textures are enjoyable enough, but no less important is the gelateria's prox­imity to the beach and setting sun that has us dreaming of Venice. • 226 Lewers St., Waikikf Beach Walk, #130, 8AM-11PMdOiJY, 926-6961

Honolulu Weekly restaurant reviewers dine anon­ymously, editorial integrity being our first priority. Reviewers may visit the establishment more than once, and any interviews with restaurant staff are con­ducted after the visits. We do not run photos of the reviewers, and the Weekly pays the tab. The reviews are not influenced by the purchase of advertising or other incentives.

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The Straight Dope ByCecllAdams

A coworker who consid­ers herself "green" rides a scooter to work, confident she's leaving a smaller car­

bon footprint than us slugs who drive cars. But her ride has a two­stroke engine. I recall hearing that running a lawn mower for 30 min­utes pollutes more than commut­ing all week in a car. What's the deal, Cecil? Which pollutes more per mile, a I5-MPG SUV or a 75-MPG oil-burning Vespa? -Rich­ard Chuttke, Westmont, Ill.

Two separate questions here, bud: (1) Which ve­hicle pollutes more? (2) Which leaves a smaller carbon footprint? You

get a different answer depending on which one you ask.

The serious vehicle pollutants these days are carbon monoxide (CO), nitrogen oxides (NOx), and unburned hydrocarbons. (Sulfur and lead emissions, once problem­atic, are now largely a thing of the past.) Here are the federal stan­dards for four wheels versus two:

Cars and light-duty trucks (in­cluding SUVs). Maximum CO emissions: 7.5 pounds per thousand miles. Unburned hydrocarbons: 0.154 pounds. NOx: 0.154 pounds.

Scooters and small motorcycles.

Maximum CO: 42.57 pounds. Unburned hydrocarbons: 3.55 pounds. NOx: no limit.

In other words, scooters can le­gally emit about 5.7 times more CO than cars, nearly 24 times more unburned hydrocarbons, and infinitely more NOx-and real­world testing suggests they do run pretty dirty. One reason for the looser restrictions is that it's tough­er and costlier to put emissions controls on a scooter than on a car. So while your coworker may think she's doing the world a favor, when you look strictly at what's coming out the tailpipe, she's a pollution­spewing pig.

But maybe that's OK. Let's look at carbon footprint. The major greenhouse gas produced by motor vehicles is carbon dioxide, which is a function of gas mileage. SUV fuel economy for model years 2008 and 2009 ranges from 12 to 32 miles per gallon, for an average of 18.5. For scooters the range runs from 33 to 140 MPG; we'll say the average is 75. At 19.4 pounds of CO

2 per gallon of gas, an average

SUV emits 1,050 pounds of CO2

per thousand miles, while the av­erage scooter emits 259 pounds. Even assuming the SUV carries a passenger plus the driver, it's still contributing twice as much to global warming per person.

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final num­bers are likely even more lopsided. Given that a typical SUV weighs about 20 times what a scooter does, it's a safe bet manufacturing an SUV uses way more resources. While it's tough digging up num­bers for a good apples-to-apples comparison, the estimates I can find suggest car manufacturing produces anywhere from 12 to 65 tons of greenhouse gases per ve­hicle, whereas building a scooter may produce less than 5.

So what's the takeaway here? Scooters emit more pollution, but they help the planet overall by add­ing less to greenhouse gas buildup. Or, to put the matter in more down­beat terms, your choice is between choking in the city or dying from mass climate change.

But let's not be defeatist. Any way you slice it, scooters are less resource-intensive than cars. Less stuff goes into making them. They take less energy to operate. They're smaller and lighter than cars, so you can crowd a lot more of them onto the streets or into parking lots.

They t e a r

up the roads less.

OK, maybe in a northern climate

scooters aren't so practi-cal for year-round use, and they

can't haul much cargo, so they're not going to replace cars altogeth­er. But with resources becoming scarcer, we're heading for a more densely urbanized future, and little vehicles make more sense than big ones. Once the infrastructure's in place, a scooter would make the perfect plug-in electric, which solves the pollution problem.

So don't give your coworker too much grief. You're looking at the shape of things to come.

QUESTIONS WE'RE STIL1 THINKING ABOUT

Is there any treatment for the snail invasion at the riverside? Have any people died from it?

Would not drying your clothes for an extended time kill some of the bacteria instead of letting them air dry? -carmelarachelle

illustration: slug signorino

I am on the Veterinary Faculty of Istanbul University. My department is Reproduction

and I am specialized in poultry. I am recently preparing a proj­ect about ostrich semen. Unfor­tunately we have neither knowl­edge nor any document about this subject. I will appreciate so much if you could give me some

information. Thanks in advance. -Dr. S-A-, Istanbul

If the pink grapefruit sitting in my fruit bowl spontaneously turned into a grapefruit-sized

sun, what would happen to my flat, London, and the rest of the world? If I put it somewhere safe, could I enjoy not paying for central heat­ing? Or would it end life as we know it by melting through my floor, into the African textile shop, through the subway system, and finally to a fiery chasm in the mid­dle of the earth where it would make all volcanoes erupt and kill everything, before coming out the other side and changing the way all the planets spin? Thank you.

-Sophie

One thing at a time, Soph. You got an ostrich?

Comments, questions? Take it up with Cecil on the Straight Dope Message Board, straight­dope.com, or write him at the Chicago Reader, 11 E. Il­linois, Chicago 60611 .

-w.honoluluweeldy.com • March 18-24, 2009 • Honolulu Weekly 21

L

+~II ILL

L GV by Rob Brezsny

.n~,u (March 21-April 19) The 1906 earthquake that hit San Francisco also demolished downtown Santa Rosa, about 50 miles to the north. During the re­building process, Frank Doyle, a local busi­nessman who referred to himself as a "cham­pion of the future," pushed a radical agenda. "When we construct our new downtown thor­oughfare," he said, "let's make it wider than it has been in the past. That way it will ac­commodate the promising technological in­novation called the automobile." Draw inspi­ration from Doyle's prescience, Aries. As you regenerate and rejuvenate your world, do the equivalent of creating wider roads. Be a champion of the future. [Thanks to Daniel Osmer's piece in the Fall 2008 issue of Lili­pob magazine for the info.]

rnu~u~ (April 20-May 20) Among medieval alchemists, there were some who tried to make a fortune by literally con­verting lead into gold. But the authentic practitioners of the art were interested in a subtler kind of experimentation: ripening and beautifying the shadowy aspects of their own psyches. That explains their motto: "For a tree's branches to reach to heaven, its roots must reach to hell." Among other things, that means you have to dig deep and work hard on redeeming your less flattering qualities in order to earn the right to exalted states of consciousness and spiritual powers. The coming weeks will be an excellent time for you to carry out this alchemy.

GiffilNI (May 21-June 20) Entomologist Justin 0. Schmidt drew up :11' in­dex to categorize the discomfort caused by stinging insects. The attack of the bald-faced hornet is "rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Simi­lar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door." A paper wasp delivers pain that's "caus­tic and burning," with a "distinctly bitter af­tertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut." The sweat bee, on the other hand, can hurt you in a way that's "light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm." In bringing this to your attention, Gemini, I hope to in­spire the rebel in you. Your homework is to create an equally nuanced and precise index of experiences that feel good. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will be able to call on tremendous reserves of intelli­gence as you identify the numerous modes of pleasure that are available to you, and define them in exquisite detail.

C.ANU~ (June 21-July 22) A famous YouTube video shows a small crab perched on top of a giant jellyfJSh that's swim­ming in the ocean. (It's here: tinyurl.com/ 6ulpoe.) Apparently this is a common phe­nomenon. The species known as the graceful rock crab not only grabs free rides on jellyfish, but also steals food from them as it does. This creature is your role model, Cancerian. See if you can develop a safe and symbiotic relation­ship (perhaps temporarily) with a big stinging blob. At the very least, wangle some benefit out of a clueless behemoth.

uo (July 23-Aug. 22) "One of the healthiest ways to gamble is with a spade and a package of garden seeds," says comedian Dan Bennett. Your assignment, Leo, is to come up with three other smart risks you could profit from taking. You're en­tering a phase of your astrological cycle when you'll be rewarded by leaving your comfort zone and heading toward the frontier-but only if you're fully armed with crafty dis­cernment and a realistic (not cynical) un­derstanding of how the world really works. Please stay away from rash dares, unre­searched shots in the dark and crazy plunges rooted in blind faith.

Vl~GO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Years ago a Polish scientist toiling in Antarc­tica was consumed with longing for a woman he'd left behind in his home country. Spilling

over with the desire to express his adoration, he gathered a mass of penguin dung and used it to spell out a large "M" on the frigid ground. It was the first letter of his girl­friend's name, Magda. To this day, two spe­cies of flowering plants have thrived in that M-shaped area, fed by the fertilizing power of the dung. Your assignment in the coming week, Virgo, is to create something equally enduring and unique for someone you care for deeply.

Ll~~.n (Sept. 23-0ct. 22) If you find you~lf driving on a major high­way anytime soon, there's a better-than-usu­al chance that you'll come upon a place where a truck has accidentally spilled a few tons of french fries or thousands of bottles of beer or a huge load of sex toys. Why do I say this? Because according to my analysis of the astrological omens, you will be exposed to an abundance of some resource that is too much to use all at once or is not really yours to take or is not exactly what you need. A highway spill is just one form this could take. What should you? Don't get distracted by frustra­tion or confusion. Instead, use it as a provoc­ative motivation to go get the precise stuff you need in the right amount.

~CO~PIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) After extensive analysis, I've concluded that you won't serve any time in hell for the shock thetllpy you'll unleash tbis week-with one caveat: The shock tlroapy must be motivated primarily by love, not a lust for power. My re­search also suggests that in dropping your bombshells you may even rack up some kar­mic credit, not karmic debt-if the things you destroy are truly beyond repair and cer­tain to keep causing pain, and if you institute a plan fg_t:J>uilding a shiny new creat!lllrto replace what's lost.

rnGm.n~,u~ (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) "Though the seas threaten, they are merci­ful," says Ferdinand, a character in Shake­speare's play The Tempest. "I have cursed them without cause." Please consider the possibility that you could honestly make a similar declaration about some influence in your world. What's wild but mostly benefi­cent? What's primal in a way that draws you back to your deepest sources and reminds you what's really important?

C.AP~ICO~N (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Study the following terms: refuge, sanctu­ary, bunker, asylum, fortress, haven, shel­ter, safety zone, storm cellar, hideaway, re­treat, halfway house, cloister, cell, ashram, clubhouse, lair, foxhole, nest, pit, inner sanctum. Now use some of those words to formulate descriptions of actions you'll take to enhance both your freedom and security. Example: "When I'm longing for privacy and renewal, I'll retreat to a haven, not a bunker." Another example: "If I need to seek refuge from the unnameable insanity around me, I'll make a pilgrimage to a sanctuary, not to a foxhole."

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18) No one really knows when the Piscean Age ends and the Aquarian Age begins. Astrologers have been arguing about the issue for years. But here's what to watch for: When the transi­tion gets underway, fewer and fewer people will be invested in belief systems, and an ever­growing contingent will thrive on asking ques­tions and keeping an open mind. For those of us in the latter category-the Aquarian Ag­ers-we will prize the virtues of curiosity. We will avoid being addicted to dogmatic theories and rigid certainties, knowing that they tend to shut down our fluid intelligence. We will get a kick out of shedding our own emotional bi­ases so that we can strive to be more objective in our understanding of the ever-evolving truth. I mention this, Aquarius, because it is an excellent time for you to charge headlong toward the Aquarian Age.

Pl~CU (Feb. 19-March 20) Some of the best-sellingJapanese novels in re­cent years have been composed by young au­thors entirely on their cell phones. The small screens encourage narratives that are animat­ed by terse rhythms. Flowery descriptions are rare and character development happens fast. I believe that in the coming weeks you will have a capacity akin to the cell-phone story­tellers, Pisces. You'll be able to compress com­plex material into simpler forms; you'll have a knack for being very creative as you cut away frills and strip things down to their basics.

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Bl'e7.'lny's EXPANDED WEEKLY AU­DIO HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES.

The audio horoscopes are also avail­able by phone at 1-877-87:i-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

22 Honolulu Weekly • March 18-24, 2009 • www.honoluluweekly.com

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CITY WISE • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • OFF THE WEB

The many faces of BaracK Obama

M ove over Shepard Fairey. America's 44th president is inspiring artful por­

traiture from all comers of the globe and at all levels of artistic prowess. Remember the paper mache Obama-as-Jesus that had Chicago gallery-goers in a tizzy? Or the high-concept crayon­made Obama sculpture that went for $25,000 at auction? Some Obama art-like "Breakfast of Champion," a remarkable mosaic created in Obama's likeness from thousands and thousands of sug­ary cereal bits-is nothing short of awe-inspiring. But most of the Obama-themed art we've seen is just chuckle inducing. That doesn't mean it isn't worth check­ing out, though, and thanks to one Internet collection, you can now scroll through a seemingly endless stream of Obamas at the

Web site badpaintingsofbaracko­bama.com. Yes, most of them are pretty atrocious. And, yes, you're probably laughing at the expense of some high school kid's art class effort. But the underlying message-that Obama's appeal is as wide-reaching as the creativ­ity of those who are inspired by him-remains positive. There are Obamas of all different colors. There are cartoonish Obamas, realistic Obamas and Obamas you wouldn't even recognize were they standing alone. There's a hands-on-hips Obama outfitted like a basketball player in a #1 jer­sey that says "D.C." on it. There's an Obama that has the White House in his smile. There's even an Obama-shirt unbuttoned, walking out of pool of shimmer­ing water-that calls to mind the cover of a romance novel. For as absurd as some of them are, they are all labors of love to a president who still represents hope, unity and a dream real­ized for a man and his country.

-Adrienne Lafrance

badpaintingsofbarackobama.com

Awfully fond of you

Much of Curtis Ebbesmeyer's life's work was launched by

accident. To better his understanding of ocean currents, the oceanographer has been tracking the movement of thousands of rubber bath toys that were lost from a cargo ship in the Pacific Ocean nearly two decades ago. Since then, the fleet of 29,000 rubber duckies, frogs, turtles and other plastic critters have drifted across the world and washed up on the shores of Alaska, the United Kingdom, New England, Canada, Japan and elsewhere, many of them bleached white from the sun and salt. But world-traveling or not, the iconic yellow bathtub companion is always a crowd favorite. Local duckies have a chance for adventure this weekend, as part of the 22nd-annual Great Hawaiian Rubber Duckie Race, proceeds from which benefit the United Cerebral Palsy Association of Hawai'i. Entrants can race one duckie for $5, purchase a four-duck Quack Pack for $25, or buy a Very Important Duck package, which includes 50 ducks in the race and an event hat and T-shirt, for $250. The top 50 finishers win everything from a trip to Vegas to a year's supply of pizza. Grab your little ducklings and make a day of it.

Kalakaua Avenue Bridge, Sat 3/ 2, race starts at 1:22PM,

pre-race festivities at McCully Shopping Center starting at 9AM, entry fees vary, ucpahi.org, 532-6744

-A.L.

THE FLOATING CITY Book Review tells you everything you need to know about

what will follow-literary hiccups and all. government, propped up by the banking system, to lend Panama and Noriega low interest money."

Stray moments, things seen and overheard, chance encounters.

WAIKIKI, THURSDAY, 7PM

A guy is taking a dinner break from work. He glances through the window of Famous Musician's new restaurant and sees him singing on television. Our friend, something of a superfan of Famous Musician, doesn't recognize the footage. "When did he film that?" he wonders aloud to an employee, who responds that F.M. is actually upstairs singing live at this very moment. Think­ing quickly, our guy vaguely mumbles that he is from "across the street" and was invited to the private shindig, and somehow, it works. Next thing he knows, he's wearing a VIP tag, grinding on free food and soaking up the gratis drinks just a few steps from his favorite singer. He caught F.M.'s big local show a few nights later, and it was, he says, "almost a letdown.'' ALA WAI, SATURDAY, 4PM

They lean their bikes against the railing and peer into the troubled waters of the Ala Wai Canal. A bloom of translucent jellyfish rises and falls in the currents beneath them. Imprinted on each clear jelly, a pattern of four white hearts, nearly touching at their points, the image of a shamrock. What luck! The warm afternoon, the blue and brown canal, the soft-bod­ied creatures dipping below the surface and rising back again. Cars go by on the road beside them. Canoes and kayaks stroke quickly past. The boy, the girl, the bikes, the still afternoon, the liquid animals, the day turned to dappled light; all linger, all pulse. There is nothing they are waiting for.

Send your found moments to editorial@honoluluweekly.com, or call 528-1475, ext. 24. Just be sure to mention "The Floating City" in your

message. We'll even write it up for you. Photos always welcome.

HAWAII PUNK Raoul Vehill, Enlightened Pyramid, 399 pages, $12.95

R aoul Vehill's debut novel Hawaii Punk introduces its main character like so: "Who am I? Paul Cruz, Punk rock singer,

California Mexican, college dropout, between jobs, cribs, bands, no girl friend, total social outcast. Fuck it. This is Hono-fucking-lulu HA­WAII. Who needs an apartment?" This basically

Paul is as hardcore as they come. Dedicated body and soul to his music, he dropped out of col­lege and lives in a cave near the Manoa campus. He eventually forms a band, God Dog, and when not practicing with his mates or playing gigs at a Waikiki club named 3D, he gets drunk, does drugs and bangs a series of underage girls. Rinse, repeat.

Vehill used to be the lead singer of the legend­ary punk band Devil Dog and his name probably still rings significant bells in certain local circles, which is why this tome is so disappointing. Chief among the things that don't quite work in this book is the writing itself. One gets the impression that it wasn't edited before going to press-there are what appear to be unintentional spelling er­rors intermingling with the intentional, making it difficult to follow, much less nail down Vehill's style. It also feels and reads like a blog, right down to the "underground" style of prose.

Beyond that, it's disappointing how diminutive and narrow a world is created within the novel's 399 pages. The '80s were fascinating for the local music scene in Hawai'i and this book represents a major missed opportunity for them not to be adequately documented. We get precious little description; the moods and tones of the era are practically non-existent save for one chapter that has the players protesting a Bank ofHawai'i branch because "it's wrong, if not illegal, for our

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By the time we accompany Paul for what seems like his millionth trip to an anonymous liquor store for a forty, we wish the scope of the setting was expanded upon and the page count devoted to actually making an attempt to de­scribe the world his characters see and inhabit. And we don't get to know these characters as individuals; they are just names that are men­tioned and it's up to us to keep track of them.

Punk fans may enjoy the many concert scenes but even the action at the gigs fall flat and certainly can't compare to the being-there vibe given off by decent a Rolling Stone article. Name-drop­ping bands like The Sex Pistols, the Ramones, Black Flag and the Clash is fruitless if it isn't made somehow relevant. Even more, the energy of the decidedly provocative lyrics of Paul's songs seems to fall flat within the presentation of exposi-tion; the rhythm, flow and timing are all off.

The fact that Vehill is currently serving time in a Denver prison lends a certain authenticity and sense of hardcore to the shenanigans. Punk fans, especially locals who followed that particular scene, may find the situations in Hawaii Punk famil­iar and comforting for the sake of nostalgia. Sadly, other readers will simply give up on the crudely executed prose before they reach the second chap­ter. -Ryan Senaga

www.honoluluweekly.com • March 18-24, 2009 • Honolulu Weekly 23

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