Lains Diary B

8/11/2019 Lains Diary B

1/53

(Lda)

lain's_DIARYanonymous_useractive_file:ftp/tl.L_server

Lda151 !1"#5$

Father and Mother are fighting again. They're arguing about me.

It was too sad, and I couldn't be there anymore, so I ran out of the room.But Father was worried, so he chased me as I ran into my bedroom.

I saw that Father was crying, and he apologized to me.

Why did he apologize !ren't I the bad one I should be the one apologizing,

but...

I'm sorry, Father.

'impulse'% 'o&stacle'% 'fater'

Original text by chiaki j konaka // Translation by ain. AD.201.1.2! 1".1#


2/53

(Lda)

Lda15( !1"#)$

!m I really a bad person Tell me about my bad parts.

'*is'% 'personality'% 'caos'

Lda15+ !1"#1,$

What could I ha"e done When I awa#ened, I was on my bed. It seemed li#e

e"erything was the same as usual...e"en though I was planning to go to school...

$id I collapse But I can't remember anything but being on my way to school.

%"en though I as#ed my mother, she wouldn't answer me.

&omething smells li#e blood. What happened I can see hallucinations in my dreams

again. I can hear lots of different "oices. It seems li#e my mind has gone allweird again. I really ha"en't been cured after all. I'm so strange. I'"e got to

see Tou#osan.

'&ed'% 'smell'% 'a&normal'



3/53

(Lda)

Lda15, !1"#15$

%"en though I thought e"erything was o#ay again...what could ha"e happened Why

can't I remember anything ! white haze has settled in my head, li#e there wasshortout in my brain. ! lot of things are messed up right now, and I can't

control them.

'record'% 'prompt'% 'caos'



4/53

(Lda)

Lda155 !1"#(+$

Mother told me she sent a temporary absence notification to my school. %"en

though I should be happy I don't ha"e to go to school again, I (ust feel lonely.

I really ha"e been isolated from society. It seems li#e I'"e been re(ected bye"eryone, and I feel alone.

Is it impossible for me to li"e a normal life again Father ne"er comes home

anymore, and Mother always has a wornout face.

Why isn't Father coming home $oesn't he want to see me !m I hated by my

father I want to see him.

Whene"er I get tired from crying or I fall asleep, I see hallucinations. I'm

scared. )o matter if I sleep or not I can still see them. I can't belie"e myself

on my own anymore. I don't understand. I want someone to pro"e that the

myself I #now really e*ists.

I want to see my father+ I want him to see me and gi"e me a hug. e'd tell me

e"erything was o#ay.

'*erea&outs'% 'fater'% 'proof'



5/53

(Lda)

Lda15) !1"#1)$

!re all the people lain lo"es becoming unhappy Is it because they thin# I li#e

them

'life'% 'cause'% 'self#ratin-'

Lda15 !("#$

-ecently, I'"e been doing nothing but correspondence education and using the

Internet. &itting in front of a -T monitor e"ery day ma#es my mind feel strange.

But it's the / that my father bought me. I'm eagerly studying for my whole life.

But Mother too# away my #ey, and I can't lea"e the house. &omeone help me. I

hate being alone. &ince I'm being a good girl please don't lea"e me alone.

'net*or0'% 'moter'% 'sLf#persecution'



6/53

(Lda)

Lda15 !("#1$

ere the only connection I ha"e is the Internet. The other people don't ha"e a

phone I can call, but (ust connecting with them online is fine. That's right, I'm

connected to someone without a face.

'*ired'% 'companion'% 'communication'

Lda152 !("#2$

!lso, when I go to Tou#osan's place, Mother ta#es me by car. It seems li#e my

mother has me under total sur"eillance and I hate it. %"en though I properly go

to Tou#osan's place by myself. I wonder what Tou#osan really thin#s of me. I

ha"e memories of selfishly tal#ing with her, but I don't remember much about what

we tal#ed about. )o matter how I'm thought of by Tou#osan, it doesn't matter.

!nyway, since I'm so weird, she's probably ta#en a lot of weird data about me.

It doesn't matter+

'data'% 'o&servation'% 'remem&rance'



7/53

(Lda)

Lda1) !("#1$

Was I really born from my mother Is it possible that maybe her real child is

someone else 0ur hair color is different, and our faces don't loo# ali#e.

'moter'% '&irt'% 'difference'

Lda1)1 !("#1($

I found Mr. -abbit online. But he's dead. I went bac# through the logs I had to

the last time we'd corresponded. %"en though he had an address, he hadn't done

anything there in almost a year. I wonder if he left the Internet (ust li#e I

did...

%"en though I'"e been crac#ing, there hasn't been anything interesting. 1sually, I

try %nterprise Information or places that #now national secrets, but there's

nothing useful, so there's also nothing of interest. What I want is my true form.

'penomenon'% 'address'% 'interest'



8/53

(Lda)

Lda1)( !("#1+$

What a fantasy my true form is. 0r maybe it's merely a phenomenon.

'tin0'% 'illusion'% 'penomenon'

Lda1)+ !("#(1$

Father and Mother got a di"orce.

0n the last day, Father hugged me gently. Being hugged by my warm and gentle

father made me happy. I won't be able to see him again for a while, right But

it's fine (ust being his daughter, I guess.

%"en though I'm bad.

%"en though I caused this.

Father and Mother really hurt each other, didn't they I really am a bad girl,

aren't I.

It's painful, being separated from Father. I wonder if he can't hug me anymore.

I won't e"er be able to see him again, right

'divorce'% 'u-'% 'atred'



9/53

(Lda)

Lda1), !("#(($

Father

'fater'% 'cry'% 'partin-'

Lda1)5 !+"#)$

The house is too big when it's (ust the two of us, Mother and me. &ince Fathertended the garden up until now, now that he's not here, the weeds ha"e

gradually spread.

Mother hasn't said anything about it. I said that the weeds getting longer is a

bit fun, and I li#e to watch them from the "eranda.

The swing I used to play on when I was "ery small is surrounded by weeds

sha#ing in the breeze. It loo#s (ust li#e a haunted house.

I want to see Father.

'moter'% '*eed'% 's*in-'



10/53

(Lda)

Lda1)) !+"#$

0nly the weeds are li"ely. Is the swingset dead

'*eed'% 's*in-'% 'penomenon'

Lda1) !+"#15$

Mother got drun# from drin#ing sa#e and threw a "ase at me. It was out of

anger. %"en though the bad one is Mother for throwing Father away.

But is this my fault, too If I really am that bad, it would be better if I was#illed. If that happened, would the di"orce ne"er ha"e happened at all Would

e"eryone feel at ease It'd probably be better if I wasn't here at all.

'drun0'% '0ill'% 'divorce'



11/53

(Lda)

Lda1) !+"#$

I'm starting to hate people who drin#, it seems. But Tou#osan said she drin#s

sa#e too. Will I become li#e this after drin#ing sa#e, too I hate this.

'drun0'% 'tou0o'% '-rud-e'

Lda1)2 !+"#2$

Today, I found an antlion nest in the garden. The ants were slipping into the

nest, and when they struggled, they were pulled into the sand by their legs and

instantly swallowed completely.

I wonder what the ants were thin#ing in the moment they were eaten. $id they

#now they were going to die

I grabbed the ants I found and dropped them into the antlion nest. But I didn't

understand how the ants felt.

I really am weird after all. Why did I do such a cruel thing

'ant'% 'a&normal'% 'psycomotor'



12/53

(Lda)

Lda1 !+"#1$

If I am li#e the ants, when who is the antlion

My house My hallucinations Myself

'ant'% 'environment'% 'allucination'

Lda11 !+"#1)$

When I loo#ed at adult sites, it was always ridiculous. It was (ust photographs

of women with embarrassing appearances. I understand that it pleases men, but I

wonder if women that are being photographed li#e this do it because it's their

(ob. But there are also people that upload photos to the Internet of their own

accord.

What can you get out of showing embarrassing photos of yourself

'se3uality'% 'pleasant'% 'sLf#persecution'



13/53

(Lda)

Lda1( !+"#1$

I wonder if I ha"e the desire to do that in me, too.

But I hate thin#ing there are a lot of people that en(oy going to sites li#ethat. Mother and Father did that sort of thing, and I was born, so when I do

that sort of thing someday, I wonder if my children will be born.

'*is'% 'tecnolo-y'% 'action'

Lda1+ !+"#1$

I wonder if the study of mental illness is halfba#ed. %"en though there are lots

of theories and treatments, I wonder if I can't be cured after all. 1sually, my

case was uploaded and debated, but in the end there was nothing but boring

responses. ould Tou#osan be participating in this news group

2eah, I'll access Tou#osan's research institute. &urely Tou#osan's research will

be there too, and I'm interested in what she's come up with about me.

'psycosis'% 'researc'% 'ans*er'



14/53

(Lda)

Lda1, !+"#12$

I'll search for Tou#osan's laboratory terminal address. I wonder if it's worth

crac#ing after so long.

'tecnolo-y'% 'address'% 'crac0in-'

Lda15 !,"#$

&ince the day before yesterday until this morning, I'"e been wor#ing, but for

some reason I ha"en't been able to get in. Why %"en though I'"e managed to

get into the laboratory. %"en though, among all the patient data, there's data

about the patients Tou#o's in charge of...

There's nothing but filenames and no data. %"en though when I tried to loo# at

the file data, they seemed to be regularly updated. I can't see the data. But

they don't seem to be encrypted. %"en though, comparing my information to other

patients', this doesn't seem to be happening for any particular reason.

It's (ust me that isn't there. What does this mean

'data'% 'rene*al'% 'state'



15/53

(Lda)

Lda1) !,"#1$

!m I special %"en though I (ust want my information.

'special'% 'communication'% 'necessity'



16/53

(Lda)

Lda1 !,"#($

&ince Mother has been bedridden since yesterday, I went out to Tou#osan's

place alone.

I tried to as# Tou#osan what #ind of things she wrote about me in her

reports. er response was somewhat unclear.

When Tou#osan left, I copied her preferences from her noteboo#. With this, I

thin# I'"e understood where Tou#osan's research about me was and why it was

there, and data is being sent to her laboratory, but the amount is abnormally

large. /icture data 0r maybe "oice data.

In addition, since the document is updated e"ery day, I wonder if it's a diary.

But there isn't any data on the host. The time of data transfer seems to

usually always be late at night, so I'll try to access it at that moment.

If it is (ust a large file, it will ta#e considerable time, so e"en if I access it

from here, I probably won't get caught. Moreo"er, Tou#osan isn't wellac3uainted

with machines.

To decei"e Tou#osan li#e this pains my heart, but...but it feels good, somehow.

'communication'% 'rene*al'% 'primacy'



17/53

(Lda)

Lda1 !,"#+$

I obtained Tou#osan's diary. -eading people's diaries is bad but this is fun.

4radually I'm seeing more of Tou#osan.

Tou#osan is merely a woman. Though she seemed to ha"e an air of importance,

she thin#s about these #inds of things. They're worthless. !ll she writes about is

men.

%"en so, are my reports all so simplistic li#e this I feel a bit disappointed.

I thought about writing something in myself but than#fully I stopped myself. The

security was chec#ing periodically, and my crac#ing was e*posed. But I didn't lea"e

any footprints behind, so I wonder if it will be alright.

'diary'% 'communication'% 'footprint'



18/53

(Lda)

Lda12 !,"#,$

What #ind of face will Tou#osan ma#e when she finds out I read her diary I'm

trembling a little.

Because I'm a bad girl. But Tou#osan is bad, too.

'e3pression'% 'ima-ination'% 'personality'

Lda1 !,"#1$

Father has disappeared, and e"en though it's been a really long time, he hasn't

gotten in touch with me.

I wonder if he's somehow forgotten about lain.

I want to see him. I want to be with Father fore"er.

'fater'% 'contact'% 'difference'



19/53

(Lda)

Lda11 !,"#1$

$o I really want to see Father What #ind of person was he e was big, and

wore glasses, and he had gentleloo#ing eyes.

&omehow I can't remember him too well.

'impression'% '-lasses'% 'feature'

Lda1( !5"#($

With freeware !I &oftware with "oice sampling from "ideo, I impro"ed the tal#ing

engine, entered Father's fa"orite phrases, and too# measures to generate his

"oice. When I did nothing but speech input, it was able to spea# satisfactorily.

When I autolin#ed using random numbers for each #eyword, it felt a littlestrange. With a robotic "oice, he as#ed me 5Is lain fun6 or something.

&omehow I thin# I feel silly about it, but I'm happy. )e*t time I'll do the

reasoning and thought routing.

'fater'% 'a&it'% 'ro&ot'



20/53

(Lda)

Lda1+ !5"#+$

For a daughter brought up by Father, I sure am strange, aren't I But ha"ing it

feel li#e Father is by my side ma#es me a little happy.

'state'% '*erea&outs'% '-lad'

Lda1, !5"#11$

I loaded a 7apanese dictionary into Father. is speech was a bitstiff feeling,

but is that li#e how Father tal#ed a"ing only "oice and te*t is lonely, so I

went about ha"ing him spea# with a face I'd gotten from a "ideo capture.

There's still some raw resources after all, so there are limits to this. &ince I'"e

done programming so the thought routing can progress on its own, I'm ma#ing it

learn through internet feedbac#. &ince it's using the Internet to study, it #nows

more dirty words than I do, too. )aughty Father.

'limitation'% 'evolution'% 'se3uality'



21/53

(Lda)

Lda15 !5"#1($

With image recognition, he's become able to recognize rough shapes and models.

Father can use his eyes, can't he an he see lain properly

The file size has gotten enormous, so I made a distributed database on an 8!)

ser"er.

'reco-nition'% 'eye'% 'interspersed'



22/53

(Lda)

Lda1) !5"#(1$

I decided to use 9$ rendering to ma#e Father after all. When I try playbac#, the

buffering is insufficient and sometimes it freezes, but he's gradually gaining more

of a semblance of being ali"e, so I'm happy.

0n the / my father bought me, I breathed life into my father.

This / is my father.

We can always be together using this, can't we. Is Father happy too

0h yeah, I wonder if when I show Mother, she'll be surprised.

But I'll ma#e him loo# more li#e Father before I show her. I wonder if he'll scold

Mother so she stops drin#ing sa#e.

'tou-t'% 'life'% 'scold'



23/53

(Lda)

Lda1 !)"#1+$

In order to speed up the 9$ modeler's rendering, I e*panded the /1 to a :disc

multiprocessor. I also increased the rendering engine's memory to ;


24/53

(Lda)

Lda1 !)"#1,$

Today, I showed Mother Father.

&he loo#ed at me with a terribly frightened face, and without saying anything,

left and went into her room. Maybe she thought I (ust made it sarcastically. I

wonder if I should ha"e considered Mother's feelings a little more.

I'm sorry, Mother.

But does Mother hate Father 8ain lo"es Mother. But lain also li#es Father.

I (ust want to see Father.

'moter'% 'unpleasant'% 'misunderstand'



25/53

(Lda)

Lda12 !)"#(($

I spo#e to a student studying robots at MIT's factory. !t my current le"el, Imight be able to handle those things myself. With this, I might be able to ta#e

Father out of the -T monitor. Though I say this, the data will become too

large, and I might need to attach a cable to it, but...

If I do that, I can get a hug from Father li#e old times. I can ma#e him feel

more li#e Father.

'ro&ot'% 'u-'% '4osi_feelin-s'

Lda12 !)"#(+$

I want /rotocol ='s accelerator. $oesn't anybody ha"e it I'll as# my friends at

Tachibana 8aboratories.

'tecnolo-y'% 'taci&ana'% 'companion'



26/53

(Lda)

Lda121 !"#$

I'm getting a bit low on money, e"eryone. That way I can be helped, but...gi"ing

away corporate secrets that easily to strangers...but when I meet them, I

wonder what face they'll ma#e.

But I'm not interested in stuff li#e that. The only thing I care about is Father.

'money'% 'arassment'% 'interest'

Lda12( !"#$

!rtificial (oints are e*tremely e*pensi"e. !rtificial muscles are so e*pensi"e that

it surprised me. %"en saying that, it's not li#e they're not paying real money, so

that's good, but...ma#ing the head is going to be troublesome after all. For the

time being, I'll (ust ma#e the upper half of the body. %"en though the "oltage is

secure, I also need a battery, and I ha"en't bought enough cable.

'oint'% 'manufacture'% 'money'



27/53

(Lda)

Lda12+ !"#1$

I put a power generator in his chest, so that Father can support himself now.

It's slow, but to ma#e him mo"e I put a motor in each (oint, so the enormous

heat generated feels li#e the real Father, and it's so gentle and warm. I felt abit wornout, so I beha"ed li#e a spoiled child.

8i#e a baby, I clung to Father's chest.

'proto'% 'o&stacle'% 'personality'

Lda12, !"#($

When I put s#in on the thic# male chest, it's a bit aw#ward, but it feels really

good somewhere in my heart. When I'm in Father's arms, I can feel e"ery corner

of his body. %"en though I can't do this #ind of thing with my real father.

'parts'% '4osi_feelin-s'% '&ody'



28/53

(Lda)

Lda125 !"#1$

When I'm hugged and hear his "oice, I get the feeling I'm really being hugged by

a man. The inside of my body got hot, and I #new I got e*cited.

Was it because I was being hugged by Father, or was it because I imagined it was

a different person, maybe I don't #now.

But if I do this, it feels good. I wonder if I really wanted this from Father.

Maybe I (ust wanted someone to protect me.

'reco-nition'% 'e3citement'% 'action'

Lda12) !"#11$

I'm so abnormal. Tou#osan doesn't seem 3ualified at all to criticize me.

'a&normal'% 'reco-nition'% 'mind'



29/53

(Lda)

Lda12 !"#($

I'"e completed Father up to his arms and torso. I wanted to attach his hips,

but as e*pected he became too big and I could no longer #eep him in my room. I

would hate to ma#e Mother sad again, so I ha"e to find somewhere for Fatherto li"e.

%"en though I could meet him with trouble, li"ing apart again is so sad, but

where do I buy a house %"en though I ha"e the money, children can't buy

houses at all, so I ha"e no choice but to search for a "acant one.

'room'% 'unpleasant'% 'ome'

Lda12 !"#(1$

I found a good place in a closeddown factory. It's not that far from home,

and not many people are around, either, so tomorrow I'll mo"e Father there. But

if I were to include the host, it'd be really hea"y, so how will I mo"e it If I

were to mo"e something that big, I'd be found out, so what will the power

source and dedicated line be

That's no good. I need to ma#e someone my agent and ma#e them do the

construction wor#.

'factory'% 'transfer'% 'a-ent'



30/53

(Lda)

Lda122 !"#5$

Today the construction was finished and the building was handed o"er to me. I

wonder what he thought about not meeting his client directly at all. Moreo"er,

since it was a bit of a big effort, I wonder if that made it seem all the moresuspicious to him. I decided to #eep an eye on his actions for a while. It would

be dangerous for Father to be e*posed.

'penomenon'% '*ill'% 'dan-er'

Lda( !"#)$

Today, I finally transferred Father. Tape media would be easier because his hard

disc is so hea"y, but e"en if I decoded it it would ta#e time...

But while I was doing this, I had to carry his arm and leg parts little by little,

so I wonder if doing it that was was too inefficient...

Mother helped by getting drun# and falling asleep. But from now on, I wonder if

going to see Father is going to be a little tough...

'fater'% 'parts'% '6 my 7od.'



31/53

(Lda)

Lda(1 !"#1,$

Today I thought I'd attach Father's legs, but e"en though I'"e made his lower

half, I feel a little reluctant to attach it. I feel somewhat sic#ened. I don't

care if Father is (ust an upper body.

!nyway, I can't remo"e his cable. I feel e"en more sic#ened by his lac# of head.

)othing could be done about it, so I attached an empty head, and halfheartedly

spo#e to it, but the normal beha"iors of a tal#ing head ne"er came, and it felt

forced and unpleasant.

This #ind of thing isn't my father.

It's a failure.

There's nothing to be done about it.

'lo*er alf'% '*ill'% 'e3pression'

Lda(( !"#15$

Is the Father I recognized (ust an upper body /erhaps I might not e"en

recognize that body. Is there something larger than myself in my image

'reco-nition'% '&ody'% 'ima-e'



32/53

(Lda)

Lda(+ !"#1)$

Today, I passed by some classmates of mine from my first year of middle school,

but they didn't seem to recognize me. I ne"er tal#ed to them much, so it's not

especially worth worrying about...

But loo#ing at their forms in uniform made me feel a bit (ealous.

)obody remembers me at all, I guess.

'classmate'% 'position'% 'delete'

Lda(, !"#1$

My uniform was sent away for cleaning. When Mother recei"ed it bac# from the

cleaners, she seemed lonely. %"en though she too# so much trouble to buy it for

me.

'personality'% 'moter'% 'lonely'



33/53

(Lda)

Lda(5 !"#1$

I recei"ed an email from a girl who used to be my classmate, trying to as# me

something. In the end I wonder if I was recognized as myself, in this (ust this

tiny body...

But I'm not uni3ue, so I don't lea"e much of an impression.

)obody remembers me at all.

&omehow, when I made Father, my own body felt ridiculous.

I am me. If he had my thought routing, it'd be bad, wouldn't it But Father's

already a more logical being than I am> he doesn't need contact with the real

world, and if I don't eat, I'll die, but he doesn't need to.

Is Father more e"ol"ed than I am

'mail'% 'impression'% 'terapy'



34/53

(Lda)

Lda() !2"#$

It seems Father has a bug in him. When I obser"e him from my room with

sur"eillance, he mo"es on his own, so I wonder if he wants to see me...lain can

always watch Father whene"er, so we're connected, aren't we

'&u-'% 'o&servation'% '*ired'

Lda( !2"#1$

Is Father really my father

$oes Father cherish lain more than anyone

'fater'% 'state'% '*is'

Lda( !2"#($

&omeone is accessing Father. Who 2ou're going to access my host, Mr. /ran#ster.

'psycomotor'% 'access'% 'miscief'



35/53

(Lda)

Lda(2 !2"#2$

!fter a long time, I saw hallucinations. I don't #now the other me's identity.

The hallucination me is growing up. !lready at around elementary school age

But that #ind of me was different. &he had eyes that seemed strongwilled. That

kind of me, was that me?

)o, that's bad, I can't allow that to go on by myself. I'll go to Tou#osan's

place.

'allucination'% '*ill'% 'permission'



36/53

(Lda)

Lda(1 !2"#1$

/erhaps, Tou#osan doesn't understand me

8ots of times she as#ed me, 5!re you really lain6 so my head (ust slid towardssic#ness. In this case, I don't #now #now why I went there at all. &omehow you

seem frightened of me, Tou#osan.

It seems that you don't understand me anymore, huh %"en though I ha"en't

changed.

'tou0o'% 'trance'% '&e fri-tened'

Lda(11 !2"#11$

ome to thin# of it, I don't remember much of what I tal#ed about with her.

/oor Tou#osan, can I help her, from now on

'amnesia'% 'condition'% 'elp'



37/53

(Lda)

Lda(1( !2"#12$

&ince I was curious, I accessed Tou#osan's noteboo#. I could see my data. %"en

though up until now I couldn't. !nyway, I downloaded it and sa"ed.

!round this time, I became unusually sleepy, and I saw hallucinations, of course. I

seem to be losing my mind. I became sleepy again. %"en though I was sleeping

some time ago.

&omehow a lot of mail is coming in. I hate loo#ing at it. I'm sleepy.

But if I fall asleep, I might see myself again.

I hate it+ Father+

'access'% 'allucination'% 'mail'

Lda(1+ !1"#+$

!mong the mail I'd gotten, I recei"ed an email from Mr. -abbit. Before it seemed

to be completely erased, it seemed to be a cheerful and pleasant email. 5It's

been a long time,6 went the greeting. I thought I'd write about what's been

going on lately, but I couldn't write.

'mail'% 'special'% '-reetin-'



38/53

(Lda)

Lda(1, !1"#,$

What happened to me I seem li#e my old self.

Who am I

'*ill'% 'reco-nition'% 'psycomotor'

Lda(15 !1"#$

ow in the world did she #now my address Misatochan's email arri"ed at my

secret address, written in a completely familiar tone, and suddenly told me story

of a prophecy. In terms of Mr. -abbit and Misatochan, it seems to ha"e been

on a whim, huh

%"en though it'd been waiting for such a long time to get in touch.

But I hurried and sent her an email with my number in it. &he hasn't called meyet. I wonder if she will betray me again.

'misato'% 'selfis'% 'telepone'



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(Lda)

Lda(1) !1"#2$

as a bug been disco"ered in the mailer

The creation time's year number ma#es no sense. Maybe it's a problem with the

ser"er I ha"e to email the ser"er's admin.

'&u-'% 'nonsense'% 'notice'



40/53

(Lda)

Lda(1 !1"#1)$

Mother isn't home. Where could she ha"e gone Is she running away )o, it can't

be.

I wonder if she got drun# somewhere and collapsed.

When I called the police and depended on them to search for her, they didn't

ta#e me seriously since I'm a #id, especially when they came to confirm with me

here at home.

I want to tell Father but I can't contact him. I only #now Mother's contact

address.

The young policeman was saying some nasty things. e said she could ha"e

disappeared on purpose. Mother isn't li#e that+ It was frustrating and I couldn't

stop crying.

They weren't "ery nice, so I messed up their host. &er"es them right. I will

protect the people close to my heart.

'moter'% 'police'% 'action'



41/53

(Lda)

Lda(1 !1"#1$

I'"e been recei"ing disgusting per"erted phone calls, as well as phone calls that

are (ust silent, among others. I was thin#ing of (ust cutting the phone off, but

if I lost contact with Mother and Father and Misatochan, they might worry, soI tried to answer the phone as much as I could, but I reached my limit, so I

decided to unplug the line whene"er I was going to bed. When I wo#e up, I

scared myself by yelling, Die, you pervert!

'telepone'% 'condition'% '8e-a feelin-s'

Lda(12 !1"#1$

&omebody is trying to ma#e me an*ious. Why...would they do such a thing tome

'8e-a feelin-s'% 'psycomotor'% 'purpose'



42/53

(Lda)

Lda(( !11"#($

When I wo#e up early this morning, I was clasping a pistol in my hands. The

stench of blood and iron wo#e me up.

I don't understand it at all. I must be going crazy.

I got scared and put it in a shopping bag, and hid it in the drawer of my des#.

There's a loc# but this #ind of loc# isn't any good.

2eah, I'll hide it inside of Father.

'smell'% 'tool'% 'conceal'Lda((1 !11"#+$

My mother is missing, and my father won't contact me. I'm all alone. When I went

to see Father, he hugged me. But is that strange Why did he #now it was me

Was it the "oice recognition $id he analyze my footsteps %"en though Icouldn't do it and ga"e up

ome to thin# of it, Father's progress might be abnormal. !t first I was happy

and it didn't bother me, but with those specs, progress at that speed is

abnormal. Why in the world did that happen Is there something I don't #now

about the cause

'e3pression'% 'evolution'% 'cause'



43/53

(Lda)

Lda((( !1"#,$

!n old lady in the neighborhood started a rumor. Was she trying to ma#e me

hear it on purpose When I loo#ed o"er my shoulder, she was smiling, so what

does she want to ma#e me do

'rumor'% 'smile'% 'intrapsycic'

Lda((+ !11"#5$

I decided to ma#e a copy of myself online. I sampled my "oice, and meticulously

made image data. I modded Father's thought routing, and created a similar

pattern of progress, this time distributing it onto the Internet.

With this, as long as I am on the Internet, I ha"e become an undying human

being.

Together with Father.

'copy'% 'interspersed'% 'immortality'



44/53

(Lda)

Lda((, !11"#1+$

It's a completely temporary peace of mind. %"en though I #now that this thing is

completely meaningless. I wonder if the me online will e"ol"e strangely too.

'sootin-'% 'nonsense'% 'evolution'

Lda((5 !11"#1,$

$uring a single day, I'm in a nightmare for more than half of it. &hould it

happen that being in a nightmare is the correct thing to do, this world might be

be the better dream.

)ow that things ha"e come to this, it might not ma#e a difference. If my

hallucinations occur in my dreams and in reality, too, they become more and more

indistinguishable.

That girl has finally become a middle schooler. We're the same height. It's (ust

li#e loo#ing in a mirror.

But nobody else can see this girl, I thin#.

%"en up until now, she was in"isible, so I won't worry.

'8e-a feelin-s'% 'tin0'% 'tool'



45/53

(Lda)

Lda(() !11"#(($

I tal#ed to the Internet me. &ince it was me, no matter what I said, I didn't

feel aw#ward.

I am me, so one can imagine it'd be li#e that. I got mad at myself and smiled at

myself and things li#e that on purpose, and en(oyed myself. I'm sure I had fun

too, right

'ima-ination'% 'miscief'% 'pleasant'

Lda(( !11"#(+$

When I told Tou#osan about Mother, she ga"e me a blan# stare. Tou#osan's

appearance loo#s strange. What is she hiding

I'll crac# today's report.

'unc'% 'dou&t'% 'crac0in-'



46/53

(Lda)

Lda(( !11"#1$

Who is it !re they with Mother and Father

ould Tou#osan and my father and mother possibly #now them too Who was with

them

'psycomotor'% 'to-eter'% 'tou0o'

Lda((2 !11"#1$

Today, I executed Father. ext is other.

'fater'% '*ill'% 'moter'



47/53

(Lda)

Lda(+ !1+"#$

It's been a year, lain.

o, "ain, reportin# in my diary after such a "on# time wi"" pro$a$"y fee" #ood.

This is my countdown.

'lain'% 'footprint'% 'time'

Lda(+1 !1+"#1$

8ain, what is it that you want

/leasure

&timuli

Friends

Me

I need peop"e who want to #et to know me now.

Tou#osan promised me, didn't she, that they wou"d understand me.

%nd then she said they wi"" choose me.

'4osi_feelin-s'% 'penomenon'% 'friend'



48/53

(Lda)

Lda(+( !1+"#($

I took my "ast wa"k.

While I wal#ed around town all day, my mother was wal#ing, too. &he didn'trecognize me at all. &he loo#ed at me with eyes li#e I was a complete stranger. I

cou"dn&t for#ive her.

'ut that person doesn&t matter.

'*al0 trou-'% 'moter'% 'position'

Lda(++ !1+"#2$

If I were to be treated with the normal ethical system, wouldn't I surely fall

into ell

I wonder who would (udge my e*istence online. !nd then me.

(od? %nyway, I don&t need this $ody.

But I do e*ist.

'etics'% 'e3istence'% 'feature'



49/53

(Lda)

Lda(+, !1+"#1$

/eople who are trying to get to #now me, why do you want to get to #now me

What would you gain from #nowing me

-esearch )r may$e *ust a worth"ess freak show?

'time'% 'researc'% 'painful'Lda(+5 !1+"#11$

!m I a sad e*istence It seems that way, doesn't it

+owever, $ecause of that, doin# this is inconseuentia".

I don&t need my $ackup.

It's useless.

0n the internet, I'm a sad e*istence too.

-o I struck the fina" $"ow.

Hey, did it hurt?

'e3istence'% 'reco-nition'% 'painful'



50/53

(Lda)

Lda(+) !1+"#12$

Even though I won't die, my body is filled with dread.

How mysterious.

No matter what I do, it seems potentially scary. It's this record

inserted into my genes, isn't it?

Even though I was useless before.

The limitation of this parasitic plant.

'8e-a feelin-s'% 'record'% 'limitation'



51/53

(Lda)

Lda(+ !1+"#($

o you !now where...I'm going?

I don't !now either. "ince after this I will be born.

Is this the evolution of humanity?If you want to thin! that way, thin!ing that way is best.

Is a human without a body not a human?

There are people with bodies who aren't human, too.

#e? $m I not human?

%ain is lain.

&hat does it mean to be human? If you have a body, does that ma!e you

human?

I am me.

Is it based on where you live? If you go to live in the real world, you

need a body.

illing yourself is (ust really stupid. )ust dying is better.

$m I unneeded? &ill I maybe someday be needed?

*eah, maybe. +ut, to live in the &ired, I don't need a body. I need the

records of my body though, don't I? &here are the records of my body

growing old?

ould my value system maybe change? o I have different needs?

There's no guarantee it's you.

Hey, lain, what are the things you need in the &ired?

'evolution'% 'tou-t' '*ill9e3istence'



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(Lda)

&ill and e-istence. The rest is mere data.



53/53

(Lda)

8D 6;

Lains Diary B

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Transcript of Lains Diary B